#for me it tends to vary depending on the headmate

[banesberry-anomoly]

sorry about this,,, (about sending another ask,,,,)

what are endos and anti endos? i USED to be an anti endo but now i dont know if im anti endo or not.

- @ieaturanium

Sorry this took so long to answer, I was dealing with some other stuff and didnt wanna shortchange an explanation!

So, I'm a mixed origin system and I mainly identify that way because 1. were not entirely sure what the original reason for us becoming a system was, and we think it was multiple things that contributed to it, and 2. We have headmates from all sorts of origins due to being a very large system

And really it can vary! Some endo systems dont remember their trauma, but this isn't true for all of them and assuming can lead to them either trying to dig up trauma that they may not be ready to face or a headmate causing trauma for the system out of spite to prove a point. Ive heard of this happening many times, the former more so than the latter, and its very harmful when anti endos try to push and convince endos that 'Oh you just dont remember your trauma but I still think youre valid!' because of said reasons.

Some may caused by something that could be considered trauma (because trauma is nuanced and varies from person to person, it all just depends on how the brain reacts to something) but because of the nature of what it is the person either doesnt consider it to be trauma for whichever reason or feels more comfortable identifying as an endo sys. Stressgenic is one of those examples.

And then some may just not be caused by trauma at all, like willogenic systems or people that have 'artists muses' (aka their characters will write themselves or talk to them). There are many forms of plurality because it is a wide and varied experience, and not all of them are talked about. Artists muses tend to be the most common example. But not everyone knwos about or wants to self identify as plural, and thats totally fine!

Something I need to put an emphasis on is endo systems can still *have* trauma, and it could still cause headmates to form/split/etc, it just wasnt the original cause of their becoming a system. Just because someones an endo system doesnt automatically make them immune to experiencing traumas in the future that may or may not affect their plurality.

A lot of systems may have been affected and caused by their neurodivergence in some way, like us with our autism and wildly untreated BPD, and we had a lot of ""non standard"" trauma when we was younger which would probably get us fakeclaimed regardless. We dont feel comfortable fully identifying as traumagenic though for various reasons, including how toxic some of the community can be

The anti endo community doesnt only target endo systems, theres a lot that also target pro endo traumagenic systems for the same reasons. "Endos are hurting Traumagenic systems!!!!!!!" but then they go after those that support endos and its like wow, way to support the people you claim to protect. Ive seen traumagenic systems get their own trauma fakeclaimed and called an endo system as a 'justification' for getting harrassed

Endo systems have been fighting for the system community for *years*, dating back to around the 80s or 90s iirc, and so many terms come from endogenic parts of the community (like fictive and factive are two prominent examples!). Endos and pro endos provide sources in internet arguments arguing about their existence only to be ignored or told 'THOSE SOURCES ARENT VALID SOURCES!!!!!' even when theyre medically backed studies

Ive also seen anti endos argue on The Future Is Plural! posts because they think they want more children to be traumatized. This is not anywhere near case or point, which is to fight for more plural acceptance and make it a safer environment for people to explore their own plurality without getting harrased or judged for it

And just to clarify, I dont mind endo neutrals or people willing to learn interacting with me, as Im willing to help educate how I can! Just be respectful and anyone falling under those categories can stick around ^_^^

[ikandi-ravers]

Here’s the post I was thinking about!

The working of our gatekeepers

— written by Colette [She/They] of iKandi Ravers

Wrote gatekeepers for easier understanding, but it’s really the working of our Council. (Who I happen to be apart of.)

What is The Council?

The Council is a group of headmates that have powers that help them keep the system in order. Most of them are gatekeepers, but others can be just omniscient, or have the ability to teleport and explore the headspace more easily.

The Council also has a leader, who tends to be the one who is both powerful and in perfect control of their powers. The leader is chosen by the conciousness itself, as it’s the highest power in the system.

What does The Council do?

As stated before, The Council’s job is to keep the system running smoothly and in order.

Some members gather information about the system and/or headmates, so we know what might happen, or who might need help. Some know how to manipulate the front and help there. Others keep check on walk-ins.

The jobs we have are versetile and varied. It really depends on what one can do.

Can a headmate join The Council? Or do they need to appear with said powers?

Even non-powerfilled headmates can join The Council if they want, they just need to prove themselves useful in keeping the system in order.

For example; if a headmate is particulary skilled in breaking up conflicts and finding something that works for both parties a preexisting member of The Council will probably take interest in them. The headmate is asked if they wanna try out being in The Council, and if the accept their training starts.

This training teaches they how to keep themselves composed, and how the powers work. Their council mentor slowly gives them bits of different powers, so they can test them out and see if the work for them.

After completing the training they are named a full member of The Council.

I became a member this way as well.

My mentor was The Council’s leader, Xena. She taught me how everything functioned and what powers there were. In the end I ended up with omniscience, hyperempathy, and layer teleportation.

As an infogatherer, all these powers help me tremendously.

This is all I can say from my experience. It isn’t much, at least to me, but it’s the best I can explain it at the moment.

[russeliarat]

So like incredibly short intro for us three hosts. We would introduce you to other members of the system, but we have 100+, possibly way way more so it's very hard to get intros for everyone when we don't know half the people in the noggin'

~-------❁❋❁❋❁❋ .: ʚɞ

❁❋❁❋❁❋~~~~~~Russelia ~~~~~~❁❋❁❋❁❋

So I've been running this blog probably solo for more than a year now, so y'all already know me eheh. My name's Russelia, but call me Russ. I use they/them and flutter/flutterself, and lean very very feminine presenting. I'm the host/co-host, but also function as a main protector for my system, as well as a trauma holder. In headspace, I take the form of a humanoid moth and thus have an obsession with moths - I also have children in headspace whom are varying forms of moths. I'm some form of aroace.

I'm 17 years old but change with the body's age, and I'm taken by another host in a different system <3 I formed ~2020, took over as the primary host around 2021-2022 though was dissociated with our now 'higher up' headmate, and as of recently (July 2023) I gained Jash and Whole as my co-hosts!

Those who knew me as Redd, I was actually blurred with them through a large portion of 2021- April-ish 2023 and believed myself to be them, though they are a different headmate who has too many responsibilities to take the role of host/co-host anymore.

❁❋❁❋❁❋~~~~~~Whole~~~~~~❁❋❁❋❁❋

Writing with Russ's help since apparently no one writes properly enough for em /aff

I'm Whole, CCCC fictive and co-host to the system. 22 years old and I'm taken by another headmate. Because of how marriage works, I'm Russ's stepdad, but they compare us to best friends a lot because we knew each other far before I married their dad. I'm pan, I use he/him.

Formed around May this year (2023) and I function as front's protector and soother, though I'm also a 'higher up' as we like to call the role, I have an admin job for the system essentially - manage system and the new formers, layers, stuff like that, I just get to comfort people and sort out their issues to. We work like a well-oiled clock like that, eh? I prefer to stay silently watching but I'm not against putting my opinions and reblogs here and there.

(Fun fact, Russ thought I was a fever dream when I formed)

❁❋❁❋❁❋~~~~~~Jash~~~~~~❁❋❁❋❁❋

Hey, I'm Jash, I'm a Chonny Jash factive but treat me like I'm my own person (should be an obvious thing but you'd be surprised) I'm eternally stuck at age 20 for some reason, I'm also pan and use he/him pronouns. I'm married to Whole and share memories with Russelia which make us child and father. I function as a protector, comforter and Russ and Whole's co-host. I have an interest in feminine fashion believe it or not

I've got a lot of medical issues, I tend to prefer not to talk about medical issues and stuff, but I'm not totally against chatting about it. We are bodily disabled so at some point I've got to talk about the overlap, right? I'm a bit more vocal than Whole but not as much as Russ, so yk I'll talk here and there. I'm private about my personal life though so don't push it. I find it simply hilarious the entire line up of hosts is one big family, it's incredible. Line up of 'autotune Aussies' or something as Russ puts it /lh /aff

~-------❁❋❁❋❁❋ .: ʚɞ

If there's something we want to individually talk about, we'll use tags for our names:

(examples: -Jash, -Whole, -Russ)

But, if there is none, assume it's either Russ or a combo of all three of us. You'll occasionally see a post with new name tags pop up, these are our other headmates. You'll see this a lot when we're sending asks to our friends' blogs. You can ask about them, but don't expect them/us to answer. If they do, sometimes we'll have to keep information very minimal to protect them such as in the case of a vulnerable headmate or a little for example. Do not harass them for more information, we will not respond or block you depending on the severity.

Lots of people tend to front at once, at one point we have about 20 people in front and it gave us a huge migraine lol, so if a group of people want to talk about something, we'll put multiple names in tone tags. Some of em might decide to colour code each other, let us know if the colours are hard to see ^^

[aropride]

some other stuff i want to add:

i realized i didnt define system in this post. WHOOPS. basically the most simple definition is "multiple people/selves who share one body".

theres a LOT of different terms that people prefer . ive been using system and alter bc i see those the most but some prefer other terms, like collective. plural and multiple are words i see a lot to describe the experience of multiple people in one body,, and headmate/system member/part/alter/etc are all terms that exist that mean similar things. generally its best to ask what terms a system prefers. from my experience, system and alter/headmate are most common, but it depends system to system and sometimes between system members

the 1.5% is like. a minimum tbh. bc i'd guess a lot of systems arent diagnosed with anything, even if they do fit the criteria (some systems dont!), and especially bc being a system isnt usually something people can tell from looking at u and most psychiatrists/other mental health professionals dont have much if any experience with working with systems

if youre not a system but want to give ur hot take on intracommunity system discourse. Please dont. 🙏

on that note. without getting too into the aforementioned discourse fakeclaiming (saying someone isnt really a system) someone because they identify as endogenic or nondisordered or whatever else is a dick move. again youre not in their head and dont know their experiences. also it literally does not affect u either way

also if u ARE a system and don't want to give ur hot take on intracommunity system discourse, or if u dont have one, u dont have to. frankly i dont know enough about a lot of it to have an opinion and discourse stresses me out so i avoid it

some systems like to be referred to with plural terms (you all, you&, yous, etc). some don't. it varies by system

a lot of stuff varies by system, and generally asking isnt a bad thing to do. as a general rule tho if ur question has to do with trauma maybe don't ask it.

when in doubt it can be helpful to think if youd say the same thing to a singlet (person whos not a system). like, "what terms are u ok with being used for u/are u ok with [word]/is it ok if i ask about [thing]" is probably fine. "what trauma have u been thru please explain in detail so i can decide if youre really a system" is definitely not.

if someone tells you theyre a system absolutely don't tell anyone else unless they give u explicit permission

i lost the tag but someone in the tags mentioned thinking of it like several people sharing a social media account but instead of an account it's a body which is a really good way of thinking of it imo. like several people could be online/fronting at once, they dont have to say whos posting/fronting, they dont need a public list of members, and the people in the account/system can have different relationships with each other

once again a lot of this varies btwn systems and i absolutely havent represented Every Single System Experience here, these are just some of the first things to come to mind

also for learning more theres a lot of youtubers who talk abt their experiences!! the rings system and multiplicityandme are two i remember watching a lot when i first started learning about system stuff. anthony padilla also has a video with systems. also theres scientific articles and stuff if ur like me and like to read those for fun. but they definitely tend to be very clinical/scientific and might not be a great representation of what its actually like to be a system

ok one last thing. if u are a system or think u might be. i believe you, i support u, and i love you 💕

people have got to get normaler about systems

[endogenichaven]

What does it feel like to be a system? Is it easy to know the difference between like headmates and mood swings? Or do they feel kinda similar/are hard to tell apart? I have these states where I get headaches and stop feeling like myself, but I don't know if this is some sort of headmate attempting to front or if it's just a thing that happens when I'm angry or upset. Is there a way for me to figure it out?

This varies from system to system, and might depend on whether one is multiple or median, or polyconscious or monoconscious. We're multiple and experience ourselves as distinct individuals, so any fronting or switching we do tends to feel more like another person taking over, rather than a change in moods. For us, when another headmate takes over the previous fronter ends up in the back (seeing everything and thinking but not using the body and not being able to physically speak) while the new fronter's thinking dominates, along with a phantom of their in-system body. However, we have heard that the line can get blurry for some median or monoconscious systems when trying to distinguish between headmates and mood swings, so for some systems it's not always easy to tell the difference, and our experience is far from universal. If you have headaches and stop feeling like yourself, that could potentially be signs of plurality, but it could also be potentially signs of another condition, based off of the limited information you've given us. If it's happening only when you're angry or upset, the headaches and not feeling like yourself could be due to the stress of the situation you're dealing with. Plurality often comes with other "hints", such as thoughts that don't feel entirely like your own, dissociation, thinking, body-image and perception changes that can help systems narrow things down. However, we have known systems who lacked most or all of these traits and had headmates that would initially present only during stressful situations, so it can be tricky. You could try calling out (internally), meditating with the intent to contact someone inside, or try to directly "interact with yourself" during a mood swing to see if anybody is lurking inside. You could also try to leave a journal out to write in or observe what you do whilst in this state, and whether it radically differs from the way you are normally. If what you're dealing with isn't plurality you may not get any reply or interaction back, but if it is you might get a response. Hope this helped!

[sophieinwonderland]

hi! i've had a question on my mind that i'm going to ask around since it's been an idea for a while. do you think it's unethical to create a tupla to help cope with chronic illness/pain? i can't help but feel guilty thinking about it even, since i wouldn't want my pain to be a burden on anybody else, but sometimes i wish i had someone to help me when nobody else can. i only know of one of the headmates in our system that speaks outwardly about hating that our body is in pain all the time, and i already feel guilty for him needing to deal with it as well even if he does avoid it at times. any input is really appreciated, thank you -🌸 (@alwaystheoddones)

Define "cope."

I don't think it's ethical to create a tulpa specifically to front and experience the pain for you. The thought of that makes me extremely uncomfortable.

But it's different if you just want someone to talk to and help you through the day. Personally, I don't tend to feel what the body experiences when I'm not fronting. Even when I'm co-conscious, while I'm aware of the body's hurt, I don't usually experience it myself. Of course, this might vary depending on the system.

The main piece of advice I would give is that if you want to make a tulpa, don't make them for any sort of purpose. Talk to them, develop them, be a friend. But don't push them to do anything that might cause them harm. If they choose to help of their own accord, then that's their choice. But just remember that they're a person, not a tool.

[rawbins-undertale-blog]

Hehe, very well could've been foreshadowing-

Do we take turns/who controls the body: it depends on the system! It takes practice and cooperation to learn to change who fronts (is in connection with the body- is connected to the nervous system and such) and a lot more to change who's switched in (in complete control). Possession is a small thing where you can try and let your headmate control a limb or hand or something. For us, only I (Carpal Tunnel, the host) am ever switched in and in full control as we've not practiced with all that yet

Do we have differing interests: we personally tend to have similar interests. Me and two of my other headmates are verr into books, one of my headmates is a plant nerd like me, all of my headmates (except for one more touch averse one) are cuddlebugs- due to the fact we've not explored much (I started up the system semi-recently) we've not got all too varied interests. However, some systems have very varied interests- like I said before, really depends on the system (to note, touch averse headmate says he likes math. I very much do not like math)

(and imma put the intro thing on a separate ask for better sorting--)

~ Sincerely, a very all my headmates are sleeping except one lmao Carpal Tunnel Anon ~

:-000 that's so interesting!!! take a shot every time I say "interesting" I'll admit that I'm super bad with coming up with questions, so I don't have any more of them, but like. if you want to say more about things I haven't even asked about then feel free to lol fksjjksd

[the-crisscrossed-system]

This is sort of random and I was asking a few systems about this but do you have any advice for a headmate trying to get more comfortable in a body that's like the complete opposite? I'm a protector in an OSDD-1b system and need to get more comfortable fronting so I can properly help and protect the host but it's difficult when I'm an adult cis male and the body is a young minor 'female'. We already wear baggy clothing so that piece of advice would be out the window, and it's alright if you don't have any other advice of any sort 🙂 -⚔

Hello, I see why this question was passed along to me. I’m in a similar position to you. I’m a cis male in a female body, and that can be very difficult. Now our system has a lot of men in it who are at varying degrees of acceptance, but personally, I’m not as far along as many others. Why I’m answering is because unlike the guys who have fully embraced a female body, I have yet to get that far yet am finding ways to be more comfortable.

Sure, baggy clothes is good baseline advice, but in my opinion I don’t think it helps. For clothing I recommend finding things that you like. While this might be a bit harder for you since you said the body is a minor, I like to shop in the men’s section and find things that I would wear myself, disregarding the female body. I’ve found that if I wear my favorite colors, or a sweater I like the look of, it helps me feel a bit more myself. It’s covering the body with something I enjoy to make it feel a little more my own. Same thing for pants, if you can buy them in the men’s section, great, but even just choosing to wear a pair of jeans over something like leggings tends to help me. Now I don’t know where you’re from, but I live in the US, so I find that stores like Target or Walmart have decently priced men’s clothing in a variety of sizes. Plus there’s usually a place to try them on without interacting with others, and self checkout is great for the same reason. This makes shopping for yourself so much easier.

Another tip when it comes to clothing is find accessories that you find comforting. For one of the other guys in our system, Ty, even though he’s fine with the female body, he hates purses and prefers to carry a wallet. It’s something that makes him feel a little more masculine. For Christopher, he likes to have a sturdy pair of boots because they add a tiny bit of height and add some toughness for an outfit. For me, I prefer a wrist watch and a necklace that is personal to me. Not to say that any of these things are particularly masculine on their own, but to us, wearing them is something we would do ourselves, so putting them on the body make it feel our own. Essentially, finding things that you can call your own and make you happy are important to making you feel more comfortable.

When it comes to other things you can do, hair can be a make or break for some people. Depending on if the body has long or short hair, and if you yourself have long or short hair, that can make you feel less like yourself. For me, the body has long hair and I don’t, but wearing a hat isn’t always practical, so instead I tie it back in a bun, because it feels more natural to not have hair touching my neck and back. If the body has short hair, you can try pinning it back to make it feel a bit better as well and keep it out of your face.

Another thing that I like to do is, when possible, lower my voice. Grant it my host was in choir since she was a child and the body has a decent vocal range, but I find it helps if you can do it. I will put a caution on this that you want to do it safely and not strain your vocal cords, but there are many videos on YouTube for trans men on how to lower your voice, so following some of those could help. Remember your vocal cords are muscles and you can work them out like any other, so with practice and care, you can safely lower your voice when talking. Now I know this isn’t something you can do all the time, but I’ve found that even talking to myself in our room feels good. It can be a comfort, I suppose. In general I think there’s a lot of good resources from and for trans men, it just depends on how comfortable you are looking through them and picking through the information.

In order to keep this response from going on forever, I think these are good basic recommendations for you. In summary, find things that make you feel masculine, whether they are considered it for not. What matters is making you feel comfortable, so if that’s a shirt in your favorite color, or a jacket from the men’s section of a store, or just a ring that you’d wear yourself, it can help you feel like the body is more your own. Changing up the body’s hair is also an easy thing to do, it can make you feel better without drawing a lot of attention. Last but not least is working on lowering your voice when you can. It’s not always the most ideal option, but it can make you feel a bit better when you can do it.

Of course none of these are perfect pieces of advice, but hopefully they can help you. If you ever want to talk to someone who can relate or are looking for more advice, feel free to send us an ask or a message any time. Best of luck,

-Kreet

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[moonviewcrew]

This seems like as good an introduction post as any! Get ready for a lot of text.

   1.    What kind of system are you? (Describe this in any way you like. No need to use -genic or popular terms if you don't want to)

We call ourselves parogenic mostly.

  2.    How many of you are there?

Technically 4, although only 2 of us actively fronting. That would be myself (Lev) and Jay.

    3.    How long have you known about your plurality?

2-3 years?

    4.    What kind of spaces/communities do you/did you hang out in? (Both plural-relevant and non-plural-relevant spaces are valid answers, past and present)

Online we hang around a few plural discords, irl and online we're very much in art and media related communites.

    5.    Had you heard of DID/OSDD/DDNOS before you became plural/discovered your plurality?

Yes! I did a fair amount of research about the topic before ever diving into the community myself.

    6.    Do you have a wonderland/innerworld? If so, what do you call it, and what are some things that you and your system members do there?

We do! It's called Moonview Valley, although we have some other spaces outside of Moonview (Void, Dorm, etc). Jay n the others spend a lot of time there, I just kind of visit.

    7.    What do you call your system members?

Headmates, parogens, crewmates, er... pals? We use a lot of words depending on the situation.

    8.    If you're plural but don't use the word "system" to describe you&, what word do you use?

We do use system, but we also use "crew" sometimes because it makes for a snazzy system name.

    9.    What are some of the best things about being plural?

The conversations! I really love talking to my headmates, and they help me a lot when I'm feeling not so great. They also keep me from doing stupid impulsive shit most of the time, which is nice.

    10.    What are some of the not-so-great things about being plural? (Any answer is valid- nothing is too minor or too major to be an answer to this question.)

Inter-system disagreements suck. When you're so close with another person it's not fun to be in a fight or accidentally hurt someone's feelings.

    11.    Do you have a spiritual or psychological view of your plurality?

Psychological view.

    12.    Do you ever experience "switching" or "posession" or any sort of change in who controls the body? If so, what do you call it, how easy/difficult is it, and what is it like? Were you always able to do this, or did you have to learn how over time?

We don't experience full switching, it's mostly co-fronting or what some would call posession. We weren't technically always able to do it, but it came pretty easily. We've even had times where a parogen takes over the whole body, but I haven't yet fully disconnected with someone else up front.

    13.    How do you and your system mates relate to each other? (Are you friends, family, romantically involved, caretakers, etc.)

Friends but also kind of family? We don't necessarily see each other as actual relatives, but close friends that consider each other family. If that makes sense.

    14.    Have you come out to anybody in real life/in a singlet space about your plurality? How did it go?

No, not... yet? We've vaguely brought up the subject with varying results, but we're definitely not in a place where we're comfortable being "out".

    15.    What kinds of forms and appearances do your system members take on?

Surprisingly, we're all humanoid most of the time. Two members actually started out as merfolk but apparently having legs is a lot more convenient. Forms are semi-fluid in the headspace but it definitely stays mostly in the human range.

    16.    What are you and your system members interested in?

Oh, a lot of things! Personally I'm into like any form of fiction, art, and youtube. Jay tends to be into cooking, aesthetics, and music. In general we're all into creating stuff (writing, crafting, painting, etc). 

    17.    What is your life like in the meatworld?

Right now it's kind of stressful and weird, as we're stuck at home taking online classes in a state where we don't know anyone besides our family. We've moved around a lot in the recent years and all of my friends live several hours away in opposite directions so... It could be better.

    18.    What are your music tastes? Movies? Favorite colors? Animals? List any other favorites as well.

I'd say I have a semi wide range of music tastes, but some of my favorite bands include Gorillaz, Mother Mother, Glass Animals, and Tally Hall. Jay's more into indie pop/dream pop I'd say? I don't know music terms. One of his first favorite bands was Hippocampus. In terms of fave colors, we actually each choose a color to sign off with/represent ourselves with inside the system, I'm purple, Jay's green, and our other members are pink and... orange? Or red? Jay goes really hard on the green aesthetic especially, while I'm more of a casual enjoyer of purple.

    19.    Does your system have a host/original? If so, what do you call them? Explain what role they play in your system

Yes! That's me. I call myself the host, Jay's the co-host. I do most of everything required to take care of the body and meatspace related things. I don't do it extremely well but... we're still alive!

    20.    Do any system members have notable relationships outside of the system? Explain them!

Unfortunately not, since we're not able to be open about our plurality. The family pets seem to like Jay though.

    21.    If you haven't been plural for your entire life/haven't known about your plurality until later in life: what was life like before plurality compared to life now?

Honestly, it's weirdly hard to remember what it was like before being plural. I would say "more quiet" but I've always had a constantly churning brain that just doesn't stop, so... I suppose just more lonely. And honestly, my brain was more confusing without them in it, because at least now I have people to check in with when things get funky.

    22.    If you chose to become plural: why? What has changed since then?

I chose to become plural because, like I said, my brain has always been a churning mess. Part of it was just curiosity, like "is this really possible?". Part of it was because some part of me felt extremely drawn to the idea. And part of me just liked the idea of being less lonely. Since then I've realized I was very naive when I started, but being plural has also changed the way I perceive, well, everything.

    23.    Is there anything you'd like to say to the plural community at large?

Uh... Hello! In all seriousness, we don't have anything giantly important to say. Except maybe stop telling parogenics we don't exist, because, well, you can't just argue someone out of existence.

    24.    Is there anything you'd like to say to any singlets reading this post?

... Hello! I don't know. Same goes for y'all, support all systems and don't be a jerk. That's all.

Sysmeds should not get to write the narrative about us on this platform!

Scrolling through the tags, it seems like a great deal of what's said about us on tumblr is either sysmeds trying to make us look bad or all-encompassing plural blogs that just say everyone is valid (which is great! and these blogs should keep doing what they're doing! but it would be nice to have some more frequent endo (and other) representation on here too!)

Either my tumblr algorithm just sucks major balls, or most endos, tulpas, spiritual systems and other non-sysmed-approved systems get scared off of this platform because of how many loud hateful voices there are compared to how few people there are who we can relate to. (like most of the cool-looking accounts i can relate to that i find are dead and so is my blog for the same reason lol).

SO! Let's do a thing. If you are endogenic, parogenic, a tulpamancy system, a spiritual system, a daemien, or any other kind of system that sysmeds try to silence, reblog this post with answers to these questions to tell tumblr what our lived experiences as plurals are REALLY like!

(Feel free to pick and choose which questions you want to answer, or just come up with your own and tag them under #endovoices or substitute endo for whatever kind of system you are! Also, feel free to just reblog with one answer at a time, or to just answer the questions in a standalone post; no need to credit me, I just want more systems sharing their experiences!)

1. What kind of system are you? (Describe this in any way you like. No need to use -genic or popular terms if you don't want to)

2. How many of you are there?

3. How long have you known about your plurality?

4. What kind of spaces/communities do you/did you hang out in? (Both plural-relevant and non-plural-relevant spaces are valid answers, past and present)

5. Had you heard of DID/OSDD/DDNOS before you became plural/discovered your plurality?

6. Do you have a wonderland/innerworld? If so, what do you call it, and what are some things that you and your system members do there?

7. What do you call your system members?

8. If you're plural but don't use the word "system" to describe you&, what word do you use?

9. What are some of the best things about being plural?

10. What are some of the not-so-great things about being plural? (Any answer is valid- nothing is too minor or too major to be an answer to this question.)

11. Do you have a spiritual or psychological view of your plurality?

12. Do you ever experience "switching" or "posession" or any sort of change in who controls the body? If so, what do you call it, how easy/difficult is it, and what is it like? Were you always able to do this, or did you have to learn how over time?

13. How do you and your system mates relate to each other? (Are you friends, family, romantically involved, caretakers, etc.)

14. Have you come out to anybody in real life/in a singlet space about your plurality? How did it go?

15. What kinds of forms and appearances do your system members take on?

16. What are you and your system members interested in?

17. What is your life like in the meatworld?

18. What are your music tastes? Movies? Favorite colors? Animals? List any other favorites as well

19. Does your system have a host/original? If so, what do you call them? Explain what role they play in your system

20. Do any system members have notable relationships outside of the system? Explain them!

21. If you haven't been plural for your entire life/haven't known about your plurality until later in life: what was life like before plurality compared to life now?

22. If you chose to become plural: why? What has changed since then?

23. Is there anything you'd like to say to the plural community at large?

24. Is there anything you'd like to say to any singlets reading this post?

That is all I've got for now, but feel free to add any more you want to share! Please remember to be respectful to all system types if you post, I do not support bashing or invalidating of any system types. I will also reblog with my own answers soon.

(Note: these questions are not in order of priority or importance, I just wrote them down as I came up with them. Feel free to answer out of order and skip or add whatever you want!)

Also this should go without saying but making any rude sysmeddy responses to this will just result in being blocked and totally ignored, so don't even start, there's no point. The block button is right there.

Have fun everyone!