#for like self-promo or whatever - i LOVE when people make their own promo posts but some people aren't comfortable doing that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

eldritch-collective · 1 year ago

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[image id: a looping gif of Rain World Gourmand performing a power jump by throwing a spear and rock to get from the right ledge to the left ledge, almost backflipping in the process. end of id.]

Hello there! I wanted to make an anonymous MOGAI and LIOM blog to post stuff whenever I want to and maybe take some requests if I like it a lot!

My pseudo name is Service! If you'd like my pronouns, I use He/They/It/Angel and many other pronouns in general! I am physically and mentally disabled, neurodivergent, and plural. My spoons fluctuate due to being a systemmate within a very active system.

Stuff I'm likely to make for myself are pronouns, genders, plural terms, modifer terms, and bases for edits! I enjoy coining, flag designing, icons, emoji edits, and likely other stuff for requests! So that's likely what I end up posting most! I am completely open to whatever SFW to Suggestive and Graphic range in terms of requests and will properly tag. More info below! Feel free to promo!

Let me know if you wish to be untagged! @neopronouns @narcette @genderstarbucks @sugar-and-vice-mogai

I specialise in Fandom, Spiritual, Philosophical, Music, and more terms. I mostly focus on fandom and other special interests and hyperfixations. However, I love doing brutal and bloody terms, flags, and edits!

I have permission to do Traitians, Claseans, Damascean, and Voxus terms made by @flagmeanew (18+), as the mods have said the blog is now inactive.

My tags will be literal (i.e. flags will be labeled as flags) and I will provide image id's! If my id's are not sufficient enough, please let me know! My non-content tag will be "service.exe" and asks tag will be "askservice.exe".

I hold my judgement for the most part with requests, but I will lay out what I won't do! I refuse to do IRL people, Illegal and Unsafe content, Unsanitary, Known Trans/Homo/Queerphobic or other generally Hateful Creator Media, Potentially Dangerous or Harmful terms, and anything I personally do not experience (such as I am white and will not feel comfortable coining terms involving race).

If I decline a request, I'll post it for others to do! If I delete and do not post your request, it is likely because it's triggering for me or not appropriate for my blog.

My goal is to be as open as possible on this blog. Such as I reclaim slurs associated with my experiences. However, I am willing to listen and right my wrongs. I will post possibly triggering media, so please be sure to have any fandom or other media tags blocked already as I will be using fandom tags like "(fandom)" or "(content) tw" after the primary tags.

How I coin is that I often use my own heritage and culture that I grew up with! I usually use a mixture of Latin, Gaelic, and Nordic roots. I can technically do ones that are not ones I'm personally familiar with, but please include the roots you have in mind if you want me to use a different root!

Short QNA-ish to give more basic information: 1. This is a real blog. I am not trolling, making satire, nor creating this to fake my experiences. This is genuine and meant for fun for myself in self expression. 2. I do everything on desktop and use Clip Studio Paint EX, but a good free alternative is GIMP. 3. I may or may not queue as I post immediately after done sometimes or just queue it up when I have multiple ideas. 4. Since I'm sorta new to the community in regards to creating, I will be slow with responding since I have day-to-day things to take care of. 5. I do not have an explicit list for refusals in requests, so please be respectful if I do not do your request. I simply just want to create without restrictions on myself. 6. I do not have a DNI, but I will block if I find you to make me uncomfortable or are found to be against my boundaries. 7. I am okay with my terms being posted on Wikis, just provide credit and link back to me! 8. Spam likes and reblogs are fine! 9. I am all for systems of different origins (such as endogenic and more), mspec people, and have a lot of positive opinions about the communities I wish to participate in, even if not always active! I refuse to be exclusionary without good reason (i.e. I will believe in good faith first and foremost). 10. If I mistag something or you need a tag added, please let me know! I'll correct it as soon as I can! (This goes for incorrect, incomplete, or missing image id's as well!) 11. Gif on this post is from Rain World's Miraheze Wiki on Gourmand's wiki page. Icon is the second fight form of Gabriel from ULTRAKILL on the simplified Breathknightclasean flag. Header and Blog backgrounds are gifs made by industrial---complex on Tumblr. 12. This can and WILL update as time goes on since I am still learning the environment of the community due to having been inactive personally with the community.

#mogai #liom #kinfolk #plural #therian #system #alterhuman #nonhuman #otherkin #service.exe

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laurafaritos · 7 days ago

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HDMS018. Not Just Funny—Profitable: How I'm Learning To Apply the Marketing Funnel to Comedy Shows

Listen, I am not a marketing expert. I’m a comedian who, until recently, thought “marketing” meant slapping a show flyer on Instagram, posting it on my story a couple of times, and hoping for the best. And if that didn’t work? Well… guess my friends didn’t love me enough!

For years, I ran shows that were objectively great—strong concepts, talented comedians, fun lineups. And yet, my audience was usually just other comedians, my friends, and whatever couple accidentally walked into the venue that night. I tried word of mouth, organic social media, and sheer blind optimism. But nothing worked consistently. Sometimes I broke even. More often, I lost money. And I had no idea why.

Then I started a Harvard Digital Marketing Strategy course, and I felt my brain rewiring. Marketing is a system, not a shot in the dark. There’s a structure to it. And more importantly, most comedians struggle to sell out shows because we are skipping steps. We promote, but we don’t market. We assume "putting it out there" is enough. And when people don’t show up, we blame everything except the fact that we never actually gave them a reason to care.

Nobody teaches us this. Not comedy schools. Not media programs. Not even “the industry.” But if comedians actually understood how audiences decide to buy tickets, we wouldn’t have to rely on clubs, bookers, or external gatekeepers. We could take control of our own careers.

So let’s break down the three stages every audience member goes through before they buy a ticket—Awareness, Consideration, and Conversion. If you’re only focusing on “getting the word out” (like I did for years), that’s exactly why you’re struggling to fill seats.

I. HARVARD RECAP: THE MARKETING FUNNEL & WHY IT MATTERS

Alright, let’s break this down like I just smuggled Harvard Business School notes straight to you. (Because, in a way, I did.)

A marketing funnel is a three-stage roadmap that explains how people go from “Oh, what’s this?” to “Take my money.” Every single person who buys something—whether it’s a pair of shoes or a ticket to your comedy show—goes through these psychological steps: Awareness, Consideration, and Conversion.

Most comedians (my past self included) completely ignore this. We assume that if we post a show flyer, people will magically buy tickets. The reality? Audiences move through these stages, and if you skip one, you’re just throwing spaghetti at the wall, hoping it sticks.

Stage 1: Awareness (Getting on Their Radar)

The first hurdle is simple: people can’t buy from you if they don’t know you exist. For brands, this means investing in ads, press coverage, influencer marketing, and viral content. For comedians, this means making sure people actually see your promo material before the day of the show.

Harvard explains that there are two types of brand awareness:

Unaided Awareness – When people can name your brand without being prompted. (Example: If I ask you to name a sneaker brand and you immediately say “Nike.”)

Aided Awareness – When someone recognizes your brand only after being reminded. (Example: If I show you a list and you go, “Oh yeah, I’ve heard of OOFOS.”)

Big brands like Nike don’t have to worry about Awareness. Small brands—and comedians—do. This means investing in the right places so more people hear about your show before it happens.

Stage 2: Consideration (Why Should They Care?)

Here’s where most of us screw up.

Just because someone knows about your show doesn’t mean they care about it. Consideration is where audiences weigh their options. They’re asking, “Do I really want to go to this? Why should I pick this over other plans?”

In the Harvard case study, OOFOS struggled because runners didn’t immediately see why they needed "recovery footwear." Just knowing OOFOS existed wasn’t enough—they had to be convinced it was worth their money. Similarly, comedians need to give people a reason to care.

If you post a flyer that just says “Comedy Show – 8 PM”, that’s weak Consideration strategy because it doesn’t tell anyone why your show is different. But if you post, “You love dark humor? My show mixes stand-up with paranormal stories. Here’s a clip of the last one where the audience lost their minds.”—that’s strong Consideration strategy because it taps into your audience’s specific interests.

At this stage, you need to sell the experience and differentiate yourself. Why should people come to your show instead of watching Netflix at home?

Stage 3: Conversion (Closing the Sale)

This is where money is made—or lost.

By the time someone gets to Conversion, they already know about you (Awareness) and they’ve considered their options (Consideration). Now, they’re standing at the door of your comedy show wondering if they should actually buy the ticket.

At this stage, your job is to remove friction and give them a final nudge. This is why businesses use one-click checkout, discount codes, and “only X tickets left” tactics. People hesitate before spending money, so the easier and more urgent you make it, the more likely they are to buy.

For OOFOS, their problem was that people interested in their shoes weren’t always buying. The fix?

Stronger messaging on why their product was unique

Targeted search ads to hit people right when they were actively looking to buy

Email marketing to re-engage people who visited their site but didn’t purchase

For comedians, conversion problems look like this:

People liking your promo posts but not actually buying tickets.

People saying they’re coming but bailing last minute.

People watching your stand-up clips but never showing up IRL.

The solutions?

A direct ticket link in every promo post (remove friction).

Limited-time discounts for early buyers.

Personal DMs to past attendees (retention marketing).

The more you make it easy and urgent to buy, the higher your ticket sales will be.

Why Most Comedians Fail at This

Most comedians don’t sell out shows not because they aren’t funny, but because they skip steps.

They assume Awareness = ticket sales. (Just because someone saw your flyer doesn’t mean they’re coming.)

They don’t nurture Consideration. (You need to convince them why your show is worth their time & money.)

They don’t optimize Conversion. (If you’re not making it EASY & URGENT to buy, you’re losing potential ticket buyers.)

Big companies have entire teams for this. As self-employed comedians, we are the marketing team, production team, and talent. That means we have to work smarter, not harder.

TL;DR Recap:

The Marketing Funnel is Awareness → Consideration → Conversion.

Skipping steps = struggling to sell.

If you want to sell out, you need strategies for all three stages.

If you think, “but I’m just a comedian, not a businessperson”—guess what? If you’re self-employed, you’re running a business.

Now, let me show you how I failed at every single one of these before finally getting my first (almost) sold-out show.

II. MY COMEDY SHOW GRAVEYARD: HOW I FAILED AT EVERY STAGE OF THE FUNNEL

If I had known about the marketing funnel earlier, I could have saved myself from years of failed shows. But hey—what is comedy if not turning your own disasters into something useful? I want to walk you through three key failures that showcase exactly how I ignored Awareness, Consideration, and Conversion in my early comedy shows. Spoiler: I was out here learning the hard way.

FAILURE #1: The Disaster Show (2017) – No Awareness, No Money, No Plan

The Disaster Show was my first attempt at running a comedy production, and I went into it with all the confidence of someone who had never heard the term "marketing strategy" in her life. I relied entirely on my classmates and comedian friends to fill the room, assuming that word-of-mouth and personal invitations would be enough. I put up a couple of posts on Facebook, told a few people, and hoped for the best.

What I did not do was create awareness beyond my immediate circle. There was no social media campaign, no email outreach, no strategic partnerships with other communities—just me assuming people would show up because the show existed. The result? A half-empty room, no new audience members, and no revenue.

It was a pay-what-you-can show, and the most I made in two editions was enough to give each comic $10. I made nothing for myself. Worse, I had no way to keep in touch with the few audience members who did come. No email list. No retention strategy. Just me, starting from scratch every single time.

FAILURE #2: Good Vampire Morning (2019) – Great Idea, No Consideration Strategy

By 2019, I had leveled up—I now had a unique and exciting show concept: Good Vampire Morning, a variety show where comedians had to perform in a vampiric accent. I thought the concept alone would carry me to success. I was wrong.

I made the classic mistake of assuming a cool idea was enough. I assumed people would see the show flyer, think it was fun, and automatically want to come. I did not think about my target audience, the competitive landscape, or the fact that people need a reason to buy beyond just "this looks cool."

The result? Two shows with nearly no audience. The lineup was killer. The performances were hilarious. And yet? I was performing to four of my friends, two comedians who weren’t booked, the bar DJ, and a confused walk-in couple. I failed to give people a reason to choose this show over any other way they could spend their evening.

I didn't build engagement. I didn’t offer any exclusivity, discounts, or compelling reasons to attend now instead of later (spoiler: there was no later). I didn't even reach out to niche communities—no horror fans, no goth groups, no vampire-loving weirdos like myself. I skipped the Consideration stage entirely, and the result was a completely empty room.

FAILURE #3: Haunted Comedians (2021) – The Conversion Catastrophe

At this point, I should have learned my lesson. Instead, I made a whole new set of mistakes.

The first time I tried to run Haunted Comedians, I intended for it to be a live show—but when I struggled to sell tickets, I panicked and pivoted. Instead of focusing on ticket sales, I reframed the event as a recording day, assuming that if I just got comedians together to film, I could at least create some content.

This was a huge mistake. Instead of doubling down on my marketing and actually driving conversions, I gave up on selling tickets altogether. I assumed that I could salvage the event by recording it. What I didn’t consider was that recordings only work if the production is solid.

The venue had originally agreed to let me use the space under the assumption that I could bring in at least 15-25 audience members. When I showed up with five, it was humiliating. They never wanted to work with me again. Worse? Our recording equipment failed halfway through the interviews, and we didn’t even notice. Half the footage was unusable. I walked away with no audience, no content, and another financial loss because I had to pay the comedians out of pocket.

I failed at the conversion stage. Even the people who had expressed interest never made it to actually purchasing a ticket because I never followed up, never created urgency, and never made buying tickets as easy and frictionless as possible.

THE TURNAROUND: HAUNTED COMEDIANS 2025

Fast forward to January 31, 2025—my first real success.

Was it perfect? No. Did it sell out? Not quite—80% sold. But compared to my track record, this was a HUGE win.

What changed? I used actual marketing strategies—consistent promotion, a clear value proposition, and targeted outreach. I made sure to capture audience emails for future retention. I created an experience, not just a comedy show, but a unique event that was worth talking about.

This show proved to me that marketing isn’t about luck—it’s about strategy. Now, my next step is making sure I build on this momentum and retain my audience. Because a one-time success isn’t enough—I need to turn first-time attendees into repeat customers.

III. WHAT I’M DOING DIFFERENTLY NOW: APPLYING THE FUNNEL TO MY COMEDY BUSINESS

So, what’s changed? Why did Haunted Comedians 2025 succeed when all my other shows flopped? The answer is simple: I finally started treating my comedy like a business.

This means I’m no longer relying on hope, good vibes, and a cool concept to sell tickets. I’m actually applying the marketing funnel to make sure my audience moves through each stage—from Awareness to Consideration to Conversion.

Here’s how:

1. Awareness: Making Sure People Actually Know My Show Exists

Before, I relied on posting a flyer and hoping for the best. Now, I take an intentional, multi-platform approach to brand awareness:

Consistent social media presence: Not just “promo posts,” but engaging content—clips, behind-the-scenes footage, audience testimonials, and memes related to my show’s themes.

Collaborations & cross-promotions: Partnering with other comedians, podcasters, and local businesses to tap into their audiences.

Press & niche communities: Reaching out to bloggers, newsletters, and community groups that align with my show’s themes (horror fans for Haunted Comedians, relationship bloggers for Failed By Sex Ed).

SEO & searchability: Making sure my show’s event page is optimized with keywords so it actually shows up when people search for comedy in Toronto.

2. Consideration: Giving People a Reason to Choose MY Show

People don’t just buy comedy tickets—they buy experiences. Instead of assuming that people will just “get” what makes my shows special, I’m actively showing them why my events are worth attending.

Clear branding & messaging: Every post, email, and promo reinforces what my show is about and why it’s different from generic stand-up nights.

Building anticipation: Instead of just announcing the lineup, I introduce the comics one by one, tease special moments, and create a sense of exclusivity.

Testimonials & social proof: Sharing audience reactions, post-show highlights, and feedback to build credibility and FOMO.

Storytelling: I don’t just say “Come to my show!”—I tell stories about the chaos, the comedians, the wild moments, making people feel like they’d be missing out if they don’t attend.

3. Conversion: Making It EASY for People to Buy Tickets

This is where I failed the hardest before—I’d get people interested, but they’d never actually make it to the purchase. Now, I’m making ticket sales frictionless:

Clear, frequent calls-to-action (CTAs): Every piece of content has a next step—“Get your ticket now,” “DM me for the link,” “Join the email list for early access.”

Urgency & scarcity: I highlight when tickets are selling fast and create limited-time offers. (Example: “Only 10 tickets left at early-bird pricing!”)

Email marketing & retargeting: Instead of relying on Instagram’s algorithm, I’m actually collecting emails so I can remind people to buy tickets.

Partnerships for added incentives: Offering free drinks, discounts, or giveaways through venue partnerships to make ticket purchases more attractive.

WHAT’S NEXT? KEEPING THE MOMENTUM GOING

I finally have proof that marketing works, but this is just the beginning. My next priority? Retention. Keeping track of my audience, building relationships, and turning one-time ticket buyers into repeat attendees and superfans.

I’ll be setting up a real email list, creating more content between shows, and making sure my marketing doesn’t just start two weeks before the event—it’s ongoing. Because at the end of the day, a sold-out show isn’t luck. It’s strategy.

V. THE AUDHD ANGLE: HOW I’M BUILDING A SYSTEM THAT WORKS FOR MY BRAIN, NOT AGAINST IT

Let’s be real—I didn’t struggle with marketing my shows just because I didn’t know the strategy. I struggled because traditional marketing approaches are built for neurotypical brains that can handle structure, discipline, and long-term consistency without a meltdown. That’s not me.

For years, I thought my inability to stick to a long-term marketing plan was a personal failing. That I just needed to “try harder” or “be more organized.” But newsflash: I have AuDHD. My brain doesn’t function the way business books tell me it should. And instead of fighting against it, I’m finally building a system that works with my brain.

1. Making Marketing Work for My Dopamine-Seeking Brain

Reframing marketing as content creation: Instead of treating promo as a chore, I frame it as “making funny or interesting content” because that is something I actually enjoy doing.

Batching & automation: If I try to post daily, I’ll fail. If I dedicate one hyperfocus day to scheduling a month’s worth of posts? That works.

Gamifying the process: I track ticket sales like a video game, celebrate every small win, and make it fun instead of overwhelming.

Micro-wins instead of massive tasks: “Write one social post” is manageable. “Build a 3-month marketing plan” is instant executive dysfunction. So I break it down into dopamine-friendly steps.

2. Beating Executive Dysfunction by Using My Strengths

Interest-based motivation over discipline: If I don’t find a way to make it interesting, I won’t do it. So I inject humor, storytelling, and creativity into everything.

Body-doubling & external accountability: Instead of struggling alone, I set deadlines with friends, co-work on marketing with other comedians, or even use public accountability like “If I don’t post about my show by 3 PM, roast me.”

Templates & structured flexibility: I use marketing templates so I don’t have to reinvent the wheel every time—but I also leave room for last-minute impulsive creativity because I know that’s how I work best.

3. Preventing Burnout by Pacing Myself (Instead of Going All-In and Then Crashing)

Building in rest & recovery: I no longer overextend myself with unrealistic expectations. I plan around my energy levels.

Working with my hyperfocus, not against it: If I feel a sudden surge of productivity, I lean in and create as much as I can. If I’m in a slump, I don’t force it—I work with what I already prepared.

Prepping for future-me: I leave breadcrumbs for my future self—easy-to-edit templates, clear next steps, reminders that make it easier to pick up where I left off when my motivation inevitably fluctuates.

VI. BUILDING A SYSTEM THAT SUSTAINS ME LONG-TERM

For the longest time, I thought my inability to “just be consistent” with marketing was a personal failure. I saw comedians around me grinding, posting non-stop, and selling out rooms, while I struggled to even remember to promote my shows until the week before. I assumed the answer was discipline. Structure. Forcing myself to stick to a rigid, long-term marketing plan like a real businessperson.

But that’s not how my brain works.

Now, after spending over 60+ hours studying this Harvard course and applying what I’ve learned, I see marketing differently. It’s not about willpower—it’s about building a system that works with my neurodivergence instead of against it.

What does that mean in practice?

Marketing = Content Creation. I’m reframing show promotion as a creative process, not a boring task I “have” to do.

Batching & Automation = My Lifeline. I build my promo in hyperfocus bursts, so I don’t have to rely on daily motivation.

Templates & Systems = Future-Me’s Best Friend. I create reusable marketing materials that make it easier every time.

Momentum > Perfection. I’d rather be consistently imperfect than perfectly inconsistent.

This shift in thinking is the reason Haunted Comedians (Jan 31) was 80% sold out, while past shows barely broke even. It’s the reason I’m finally tracking my audience, building a real marketing funnel, and making decisions like a business owner, not just an artist.

And the best part? This is just the beginning.

I can’t wait to see what happens when I apply this system to all my comedy shows in 2025. If this is what I’m learning from just two modules of this course, I can’t imagine how much my strategy—and my career—will evolve by the end of it.

So if you’re a comedian reading this, wondering if you’ll ever figure out how to market yourself, just know that I’m figuring it out in real-time too. And if you stick around, I’ll share everything I learn along the way.

VII. FINAL THOUGHTS

Aaaaaaaaaaaand that was the post! You made it to the end!

If you’ve made it this far, congrats—you now know more about marketing than 90% of comedians running shows right now. (Seriously. Most of us are out here hoping for the best and praying our friends show up.)

I’m documenting everything I learn from this Harvard course in real time and applying it to my own comedy career. If you want to:

Follow the full journey of me trying to crack the code on selling out shows,

Steal my marketing strategies without having to take a Harvard class,

See if I actually succeed or fail spectacularly,

Then stick around.

Tchau, tchau!!!

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zorilleerrant · 1 year ago

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all of this is good advice, and you should definitely try to separate the creation aspect from the social aspect, and even find different ways to feed both if you need to, but there's some stuff you can play around with if you haven't already.

ways to help get eyeballs on the fic you already wrote:

make a tumblr post about it! put a link and the first few paragraphs as a teaser, or give a summary and some of the thoughts you had while writing it or why you wrote it in the first place. you can absolutely make more than one of these. your followers might be interested, or know someone who is!

is it a small fandom? try making a sideblog just for that fandom, and collect all your favorite posts. people will be looking for a content repository, and you can put your fic in with all your other favorite stuff so they can see it

look around the fandom and see if anyone is looking for recs that sound like your story, or just looking to promo other people's stories. (some people don't like self-reccing so watch out for that, but other people specifically seek it out)

make your own rec list! other fics in the same fandom, on the same theme, with similar plots or macguffins, etc. can be lots of fun to look at. and then you can put your own at the end, so people can check out the story by the cool reccer with good taste!

if you're familiar with the writer side of tumblr at all, you can find quotes from your fic that might appeal to different parts of writeblr. at least someone can appreciate your clever turn of phrase, if not the whole fic.

I don't have any advice for this, but some people have luck changing their summaries and tags

ways to get eyeballs on your fic in general:

look, I know it's obvious, but bigger fandoms have a lot more people clicking random stories. try writing a story or two in a bigger fandom to boost your self-esteem

this one seems counterintuitive to me, because I love long stories, but people are most likely to read a fic that's around 1k. so try writing in that range - especially for very long fics, a lot of people won't put in the time for writers they don't already know. a lot of people will look at a drabble too!

look at the popular characters, ships, and ensembles in your fandom. any of them appeal to you? it can be easier to find an audience if a lot of people already like that thing - but if you really don't like any of them, don't bother. it won't be fun for you. stick with characters and/or interactions you like.

any common tropes you like? popular plots, AUs, and motifs can grab people's attention, and some people search by those regardless of fandom. soulmates, pet adoption, and found family are pretty popular cross-fandom.

alternately, look at the least popular ones. when some people are really into a tiny fandom/character/trope/whatever, they'll get very excited over new content! you might make friends!

you can try interacting with prompt blogs. if people find a prompt interesting, they'll often look through the notes for stories, and stick around if they like yours. if there isn't one for your fandom, you might also consider starting one. that way you can find people who like the same things you do.

share other people's fics! if you see other fics on tumblr, or links to AO3 fics, and you like them, keep them. then when people scan through your blog for cool writing, they'll find your writing too, and maybe migrate over to your AO3.

post WIPs. people love WIPs

none of this may be helpful if it's that one story that's deep down part of your soul, but any of it might help if you're just feeling isolated from the rest of fandom. mix and match and see if it helps. and anyway it's pretty cool you wrote a story

any advice about how to deal with posting a fic and getting radio silence? I know ppl aren’t owed engagement ofc, but I feel embarrassed at having spent so long on something no one cares about, and although I liked thinking about the characters and fandom before (and was considering writing more about them), now I can’t think about it without feeling that overpowering embarrassment 😭 part of me wants to delete the fic, but that would mean having to open ao3 and look at it again LMAO

sorry for the venting, I know this is probably a me problem, but has anyone else felt this, and if so, is there any way to make this pervasive shame go away??

*hugs* This is a very painful thing to experience and there isn't really any way to make it just go away, unfortunately. However, you can reflect on it a bit, when you're ready to.

Writing and posting are separate activities. If you've enjoyed writing the story but you haven't enjoyed posting it to the Archive, you can always continue writing just for yourself. This may or may not be something you'd enjoy - you know better than I do whether some of your enjoyment came from the anticipation of a reaction to your work.

Try to analyze where your embarrassment is coming from. Is it worrying that your story was poorly written? A lack of a reaction doesn't mean that the story is bad. Being unpopular doesn't mean it's bad, either. If your story is good to you, then it's a good story.

Is your embarrassment from feeling like you were "caught trying." Is it a cringe at the idea that you put effort into something that someone else doesn't (appear to) find valuable?

Is it actually embarrassment at all? Are you feeling a different kind of hurt instead? Did you hope that someone in particular would read your story and now you feel ignored? Did you hope to be embraced by your community and now you feel shunned?

These are difficult questions that I'm asking and you might not want to think about them right now. That's okay. You don't need to if you don't want to. You can definitely delete the fic and pretend it never happened. Or you can log out of that AO3 account and create a new one and never look back. Maybe you just need to take a week or a month off for a hiatus of sorts and when the ache isn't as bad, you'll be able to face it all again.

When I felt this way, it was because I felt like I'd put something into my community and that I'd been ignored. But since that time, I've found one person who gives me all of the community support I used to get from an entire fandom, and now when I post something on AO3 I don't actually need a response anymore. I get all of the fun and excitement and validation etc from my conversations and RP threads with my best friend.

Once you've got a little distance from the pain of this moment, try to figure out what it is that you were hoping to get and then figure out how you can get it. Maybe it's through posting fic to AO3, but maybe it's not.

Let's see what others can suggest. This is not something you're experiencing alone, anon. So very many of your fellow fan writers have experienced this too ❤️

#look i said something

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xcziel · 3 years ago

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i am so angry at the stupid coding of the ifttt rss feed to tumblr, bc something in the way ao3 codes author names keeps it from grabbing the html to make an author name linkable

i keep seeing these lovely feedly to tumblr automations but evidently you have to pay for a pro account to enable that and i am not shelling out a monthly fee purely to enable an author link you can find from clicking the link for the ao3 work but it's so FRUSTRATING

used to, you could pick what you wanted in your ifttt recipe with some html but now the "ingredients" are locked. it all got fucked up when tumblr went to "new post types" and iftt "upgraded" (derogatory)

rrrrrah i just wanted an automated dmbj ao3 feed but i got caught up in trying to tweak it to have what a normal "hand-crafted" tumblr link post would have and it makes me fume

#/users/blank/pseuds/blank #like it still works and everything it just ... will NOT capture the author url #about to make a support ticket at ao3 to ask them why author is #<a rel=''author'' href=>blank</a> instead of an archiveofourown.org url #but they are very busy and i'm sure it's for a specific reason #it just is f*cking stupid that tumblr can't work with that from the rss feed and i can't edit the ifttt ingredient to fix it #i am not css proficient in any way and i just want the automation for dummies workaround to actually WORK #all i wanted was automated link posts for people who don't want to deal with making their own link posts #for like self-promo or whatever - i LOVE when people make their own promo posts but some people aren't comfortable doing that #anyway it's there. ao3feed-daomubiji using the only overarching tag that seems to collate everything #there's too many ships and crossovers between media and formats to try using only smaller tags #probably someone who already had feedly pro will make a pingxie only feed or something #anyway if you write in dmbj and you don't do your own promo posts you can reblog your fic from the feed #but ofc bc it's automated it only does new fics not like chapter updates so ...#there's SO much more non-english fic being posted than i thought which is cool to see #if there is a better tag for ALL dmbj-related ao3 entries lmk #also i made a liu sang feed so if anybody wants to volunteer a nice gif or screenshot for a header ...

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rulersreachf4n · 3 years ago

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Another Hollow Mind Post

I loved this week’s episode of TOH but next week’s episode is gonna be even more cool because we’ll (hopefully) get some of our questions answered. I already did a prediction post of what will happen which you can read here, but this post isn’t my predictions but more like me analyzing the promo images and breaking down who, what, where, when,why, and how.

Let’s take a look at these first 2 images. First of all he has his artificial magic staff not his regular palismen staff second of all he’s being tackled to the ground by Luz but why, this is obviously going to be in the beginning of the episode but why is hunter going into Philip, Belos, The Emperor whatever you wanna call him what is he going into his mind in the first place. I think Hunter will start questioning The Emperor’s loyalty since the last time we saw him, it seemed like he was on the way to redemption. Was Luz attacking out of self-defense or was it she was forced to.

Based off of they way she's attacking Hunter and the position he's in in the first photo I think we can safely say that Luz was doing it in self defense. Take a good look at Hunter's position in the first photo, it looks as if he's preparing for an attack, Luz didn’t want to fight him but she has no other choice resulting in them getting pushed into the spell circle and into The Emperor’s mind.

Now before I go any further I think I should mention the Gravity Falls season 1 episode 19 Dreamscaperes Stan was asleep when Bill, Dipper, Mabel, and Soos enter his mind and in Understanding Willow, she was also asleep when Amity and Luz when in her head so here's my question, how will they get Belos asleep to go into his mind. I know that Gravity Falls magic isn't the same as the magic in TOH but if in both shows that have to do with memory/past involve the person being asleep then I think it's safe to say that you gotta be asleep in order to see someone's mind.

I think that Tara snapdragon will play a role in making Belos asleep. Either Tara or Darius it has to be one of those 2 people.

In this image Hunter looks sassy, and probably is trying to do that sibling thing where they share their knowledge of something the other sibling isn’t interested in to feel smart and for their sibling to feel dumb. He most likely is explaining all these memories to Luz and what they mean like a know it all, then stumbles upon a memory that even he can’t explain or know that it means. Hunter will find Belos true plans for the titan/day of unity and is shocked that his uncle lied to him about his true plans. Luz comforts him and tries to get him on the right path and at first he might not believe her side he’s been so brainwashed to the point where he doesn’t know what to believe.

Again this is just my interpretation of the images and answering all the questions I have about the images and trying to get explanations. I feel like from all these images we’re given so much yet so little information about the episode, as if the crew gave us just enough cookie crumbs to fill our tummies but not too much that it’ll make us sick. Honestly I am not ready for this episode but I’m so excited.

Then we get this image of this masked kid with a wooden sword.

This is most likely either, his inner Belos or like a memory of Belos come to life like his subconscious or something. I think baby Belos (which is what I’m gonna refer to him from now on in this post) on the left is protecting a memory, or is running away from something and preparing to attack with his wooden sword. Baby Belos to the right looks as if he came out of hiding in the corner and is looking at something that caught his attention.

Baby Belos and Hunter most likely will interact and Hunter will trust/follow him since he trusts baby Belos. We know that Hunter has been abused by Belos mentally, to the point to where he hasn’t talked to kids his own age ever before, and doesn’t know right from wrong. He blindly follows orders from Belos without question, and is always looked down upon since he’s younger than everyone. Baby Belos will till him that he wants to hear and further manipulate him into staying in the castle and under The Emperor’s thumb to be controlled like a puppet. Maybe Hunter or Luz found out something they shouldn’t have and baby Belos is shocked or trying to follow Hunter and Luz or there are 2 baby Belos one for Luz and one for Hunter to make them split up.

This image is covered by text but if you zoom in it looks like Hunter is shocked and Luz is yelling something. This based off of their facial expressions will come after Hunter and Luz are reunited in the mind after being tricked by baby Belos and separated. Now I didn’t notice this until just now as I’m writing this post but Luz has something in her hands. Now, this might be just a glair from the text but it looks like something rabbit like is in her hands and Hunter looks like he pushed her out of the way, look closely and you see one of his arms is over her. What is this rabbit like shape that Luz has in her hands.

Maybe it’s another communicator like what Amity had in Eclipse Lake, or something similar to that and she is yelling into it to try to get out of here and it’s not commutation via emojis like eclipse lake but by voice so Luz is yelling/begging to get out of this hell.

The next image we have is of Belos in his cursed form with glowing feathers or something similar to a feather like substance. I think Luz is the one who will find this and not Hunter, she’ll see his cursed form and will freak but won’t tell Hunter to protect him. If Hunter is the one to find this memory or form of Belos he might have a break down like he did in eclipse lake.

Luz seeing Hunter relive traumatic, unpleasant memories, choses not to tell Hunter ‘cause she sees how scared he is after all they have been through in this episode or Belos knew that Hunter and/or Luz was in his mind and purposefully planted this in his mind kinda like lucid dreaming where you can control your dreams. I think Belos purposefully led Luz away from Hunter and is seeing this lucid dream from Belos to care her into keeping her mouth shut.

Now get this image and Luz is covering most of the image but we can get little clues and of what is going on the to the sides of Luz we see these shadows of hooded figures but that look a lot like Darius and Eberwolf based off the hair and the shape of the body, and the clothes or these could just be some mysterious hooded figures to trick us I don’t know. I strongly think that these shadows are Darius and Eberwolf who will be helping Hunter and Luz, maybe by being a distraction while Belos is asleep and Hunter is in his mind.

Lastly is this image and I know it looks blurry and static but it looks like Hunter casting the spell circle on the ground again this could just be the static of the image but I think this comes at the beginning of hollow mind where Hunter is standing in the spell circle like in the first image but except Hunter is alone, Luz isn’t there in the image (other than blocking the rest of the image) but Luz isn’t there it’s only Hunter.

So here’s how the episode will go…

Hunter will ask Darius and Eberwolf to go into Belos mind something will tempt Hunter into wanting to cast the spell and wants to know the truth about the day of unity that Belos is hiding from him. Hunter using his artificial staff and not his palismen so Belos won’t find out about Flapjack tries to cast the spell but Luz infiltrating the Emeror’s coven runs into Hunter, and Hunter trying to keep up his image of loyalty attacks Luz but goes easy on her giving him just enough time to cast the spell but Luz tackles him to the ground causing them both to go into the mind of Emperor Belos.

Walking down the halls of the memories Hunter, acting like a know it all explains all the picture memories and their meaning, while wondering down the hall of memories they come across baby Belos.

Luz being the cutie that she is thinks that baby Belos is adorable and Hunter is not amused. Baby Belos takes something of Hunter or Luz causing a chase scene, but there are 2 baby Belos’ and Hunter and Luz get tricked and get separated from each other thanks to baby Belos.

Later Hunter and Luz get reunited in a memory they see of the collector, Hunter pushes Luz to the ground and saves her from something that was aimed at her. Luz yells for help but without Belos being conscious it’s no use.

They go exploring in the memory of the collector and Luz sees a cursed form of Belos and decides to keep this information to herself and decides not to tell Hunter, maybe it will be useful to her in the future.

While Luz and Hunter are trapped in Belos Darius and Eberwolf cause a distraction since people in the cover are getting suspicious and wondering where Hunter is, so Darius and Eberwolf decide to disguise themselves in mysterious shadow figures drawing them away from Belos.

Luz and Hunter get out of the emperor’s mind and swear not to tell anyone about what they saw in the mind but Belos know about Luz and Hunter’s adventures but decides to keep it to himself as it can be used against him later in the show.

#toh #the owl house #toh season 2 #toh season 2b #hunter toh #hunter the golden guard #hunter wittebane #toh hunter #speculation #the golden guard #luz noceda #emperor belos #hollow mind #the owl house predictions #toh predictions #prediction #analysis

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rwwinton · 2 years ago

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Okay guys, you know I rarely make promo posts here, but since I just had to buy a new computer after my old one finally gave up on me (it did an amazing job for 7 years, rest well old buddy), I need to put this out here. But I’m going to include a short story at the end for anyone to read!

If you want to read about my gay Boston coffeehouse owner, Nathaniel, and how he and his friends end up basically accidentally becoming rebel spies and witnesses to the beginning of the American Revolution, check out Let it Begin Here. And if you want to read about my aromantic and asexual privateer captain, Miles, and his adventures with his crew of queers on a stolen British frigate, check out Where Cannons Roar. If you already read and enjoyed these books, please remember to rate and review them wherever you purchased them, and tell your friends! Reviews are incredibly helpful for indie authors! My books are not pro-war, they are more like slice-of-life in a world where people just had to do whatever they could to make it through.

I also have a Patreon and a Ko-Fi.

If you’re into queer fantasy, I have a few things on Tapas, including a current project.

And as payment for enduring a self-promo post, here is a fluffy short story I wrote last year when I got really pissed off about some Twitter (RIP) thread with the theme of “those poor women in the past who had to endure their gay husbands cheating on them behind their backs.” My response was a purely sweet polyamorous story instead, also set in my Revolution world but after the war. (Content warning for mentions of war and also a dude trying to deal with society’s ingrained attitudes toward sexuality in the late 18th century.)

Noah looked out from the window of his house and watched as his neighbor, Luther, tossed feed to the four chickens in the yard, then walked toward the field and the two cows waiting peacefully inside. Noah had nearly lost those cows, but they had been spared by both the British and American armies that had marched across his farm. Perhaps it was because Noah had been among the American soldiers and had informed his officer that the farm was his, and had offered up three other cows to feed his fellow soldiers. He'd had more chickens before the war had begun, and two horses, but they'd not been there when he had returned.

He and Luther had served together. They had been neighbors all their lives and, being close in age, had always been friends. They had faced hell and more together in the late war, watched men killed by cannon and musket, saber and bayonet. They had marched without end and with poor supplies. Battled Redcoats and the elements. Felt the terror of battle, surrounded by the smoke of gunpowder and the cries of the wounded. They had courted death and come out nearly unscathed but for minor wounds and the nightmares that plagued them both in the early morning hours.

One morning, not long after returning home, Noah had decided to walk outside after being awoken by one such nightmare. He wanted to watch the sun rise over his small farm, to see open space where his mind expected other soldiers camped close to him, to not fear the British beyond the horizon. A treaty had been signed. That was why he was home, after all.

Luther had been sitting outside his own house, which was close enough that Noah could see him in the soft glow of the dawn, but not call to him without being too loud for so early an hour. He had invited Luther over with a wave, and Luther had soon joined him.

"I wanted to remind myself where I was," Luther had explained. "It isn't easy to sleep again when the dreams wake me."

"Will you help me with the farm?" Noah had offered.

Luther had nodded. "I would love to."

And so had begun a routine that had lasted for nearly a year. Luther came to the farm every morning and helped Noah with his daily tasks. It had allowed Noah the time to return to his business of watch and clockmaking and repair to ensure he had the money he needed to survive. He had considered selling the land for some time and moving to town, but he enjoyed the peacefulness afforded by the farm that had been his father's, where he had grown from boy to man. He knew his father would not have objected to the sale, as he had always been supportive of Noah's desires to perfect a skill and grow a business. He had secured Noah his apprenticeship to learn watchmaking, using what resources he could to send his only child to Philadelphia to be educated. He had sold pieces of the farm to pay for it, and Noah had been determined not to disappoint him. He wasn't the greatest watchmaker in all the country, but he had many customers both in town and outside it - friends and family members of locals who saw pieces he had made or repaired and wrote to him for their own pieces.

His mind wandered to the piece he had been repairing for Luther's mother, and he dreaded how he would deliver it to her once it was complete. Perhaps he could do it while Luther was at work in the print shop.

A gentle hand touched his back and he momentarily flinched, drawn from his thoughts abruptly. Another benefit to Luther's assistance was that it had also given him the time to court Penny, another friend he had had since childhood. He had been stunned to find out she had waited for his return, ignoring all other suitors until he could make it clear if he wished to marry her or not. It was an idea he had never been certain of. He certainly loved her and had for much of his life, but concerns over his own nature had prevented him from doing what any other man surely would have done many years before. But, having seen war and death, he longed for the comfort of family. With his only living relation a brother who had chosen the other side in the war, and who had left the house in shambles when he had chosen to depart, Noah had had no one else to turn to. Luther had been there, of course, but surely he meant to seek the comforts of his own family and leave behind the painful ties of war.

The memory of having had those thoughts caused sorrow to flare in his chest. He had been so terribly wrong in so many ways.

Penny slipped her arm around his waist and set her chin on his shoulder, gazing out the window at the farm lit by morning light. "You have been unhappy for a time now," she said quietly. "And it has been nearly a month since Luther joined us for dinner. If the two of you quarreled, why is he still doing work for you?"

"I don't know," Noah admitted, swallowing his pain. "I truly don't know."

She sighed and gently guided him away from the window. They sat down at the table, where breakfast had been set out while his mind had been so distracted from the present. As she sat, Noah noticed, as he always did, the growing swell of her belly that was their first child.

"Will you tell me what has happened between you?" she asked. "I don't wish to see my husband so distressed."

Noah sipped his coffee, but it did not settle well in his stomach. He swallowed heavily. "I don't wish to burden your thoughts with me. You have far too much to concern yourself with."

She gave him a sharp look, an intensity in her gray eyes that he was not used to having directed at him. "Including the concern that my husband, the father of my growing child, is struggling with something that he won't discuss." She reached across the table and gripped his hand, her expression softening. "I love you, Noah. That is why I want you to tell me. You've told me of the war, of the things you experienced - though I'm certain you failed to tell me some of the most terrible details. Yet you won't tell me this?"

Noah squeezed her hand and looked away. "It is because I love you that I don't wish to tell you."

How could he? It would destroy them. It would destroy their marriage and their family before it was truly formed. A family was all he longed for, and he could not lose his.

She sighed and stood without finishing her breakfast. "Speak to me when you've come to your senses," she told him as she left the room.

"Wait," he said, surprising himself.

She stopped and turned to him, walked up behind him and placed her hands on his shoulders. "Go on, love."

He did, before he lost his courage. His body shook as he confessed the truth, spoke the confession he had secretly longed to make. He told her how, nearly a month previous, Luther had assisted him in repairing the fence. The weather had turned on them, but they had persisted until the first drops of rain had become a torrent. They had run to the barn with the intention to return to their work once the downpour had ceased. They had arrived sputtering and soaked through, and had laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Luther had stumbled in the near darkness, and Noah had caught him, and they had laughed again. They had laughed until something had come over them, standing there in each other's arms, and then they had kissed. For Noah it had felt like the awakening of something he had long repressed, and he was powerless to stop, to remove himself from Luther's arms or end the passion growing between them. And so they had pleasured each other there, in the nearly empty barn, their moans and gasps lost in the howling of the wind and the lashing of the rain.

But Noah had been consumed by guilt from the moment it had ended. He had left Luther there, looking painfully heartbroken, and fled to the house despite the continued downpour. Since that day he had not spoken to Luther, had not left the house when Luther was on the farm.

"I cannot undo what has been done," he concluded, still shaking and stunned to still feel Penny's hands on his shoulders. "But I am terribly sorry. You cannot understand how sorry I am. I have wronged you, sinned against our marriage twice over. I can only promise it won't happen again."

"How can you promise that?" she asked. Her tone was gentle, but her grip on his shoulders was tight. "Do you mean never to speak to him again?"

The thought pained him. He already missed their conversations and their quiet morning work terribly. Penny knew what he had experienced in the war, most of it, but Luther had lived it with him. He had seen the things Noah had seen. He longed for the same comfort Noah did. At first, Noah had thought that the sole reason for his attraction and his yearning for his neighbor, but he knew it went farther into his past than that. He had always desired Luther, always seen him as wonderfully handsome. Yet, he had always been able to ignore those thoughts and desires by reminding himself that such a thing was not right. He'd focused his thoughts on beautiful women, especially Penny, and found his desire for them to be just as strong. It was a relief, he thought, to feel that way, to be able to distract himself from handsome men and remind himself how he ought to be. But his shared wartime experiences with Luther had brought their friendship closer, and even as he confessed to his patient, loving wife how he had sinned twice over against her, he felt shame at being unable to ignore the ache in his heart over the loss of Luther's companionship.

"If that is what I must do," he replied, his voice tight, tears wetting his cheeks.

She squeezed his shoulders. "Do you love him?"

The question was unexpected and brought him pause. He cleared his throat and confessed, "What I feel in my heart when I think of him is the same as when I think of you."

"You love him."

He bowed his head, covered his face with his hands. "I do."

She sat down beside him then, and pulled his head to her shoulder. "Then how could I ask you never to speak to him again? How could I ask you to give him up?"

He pulled away from her abruptly. There were tears on her cheeks and she looked utterly, terribly sad. "I won't abandon you," he declared. "You are my wife. You carry our child. I'm a husband, soon to be a father. I love you, and I'm committed to you and our family. I can't abandon you for such a life of sin." A thought suddenly occurred to him and he realized what her words might truly have meant. "Unless you wish for me to leave. I understand if you don't wish for someone as vile as myself around your child."

"Our child," she corrected. She reached out and gripped his hand firmly. "I love you, Noah. I want you to know your child, and I want more than one child. I want you to be the father of them, because I believe you will be a great father. You are not unnatural or vile. You are as God made you to be, with the ability to love deeply. Had you told me it was only something done out of lust, not because you love him, I would feel different I suppose. But Luther is a good man, and I know he must feel similarly toward you. Look how he still comes and helps with the farm work despite you acting as if he no longer exists. You have known each other all your lives, just as I have known you all of mine. If there is love between you that is happily expressed through kisses and sex, who am I to deny that?"

Her frank words left him staring dumbly at her.

She ran a hand through his dark brown hair, flecked in places with gray, then caressed his freshly-shaved cheek. "I love you, Noah. I want to see you smile and laugh again, as you haven't since this happened between you and Luther. I want you to speak to him, to repair your friendship if he'll allow it. I want him to visit again, to sit at our table and be a welcome uncle to our children."

He could scarcely believe what he was hearing. "Penny...?"

She smiled and leaned forward to kiss his forehead. "There is only one thing I fear," she added.

He swallowed. "What is it?"

"That you will forget me," she said quietly. "That you will prefer his company to mine."

"No," he swore, reaching for her and holding her tightly. "I love you all the more for this and I could not possibly forget your kindness and love. If there is ever a time you feel I am neglecting you, I want you to tell me. Even if Luther won't have me now and it is only us. I have a duty to you, as your husband, and I don't wish to ever disappoint you."

"I promise you," she said, sliding her arms fully around him. "I love you, Noah, for all that you are."

"Thank you," he breathed, and then broke into sobs, face pressed to her shoulder.

That evening, Noah walked to Luther's house when he knew Luther would have returned from his daily work at the print shop. It had taken him some time to compose himself after his conversation with Penny. He had not even gone to town himself to work in his shop, which he knew would put him behind on several orders. But Penny's unquestionable love and acceptance had left him feeling raw and exposed, yet not in a terribly bad way. He could put forth no other words to describe how he felt. He and Penny had spent the day together, assuring each other of their love. They had made love in the afternoon, and afterward Penny had listened thoughtfully while he had attempted to decide what he would say when he went to speak to Luther and offered her own advice.

He still felt terribly unprepared as he walked to the door of the house. Smoke drifted from the chimney, telling him that someone was home, though he didn't know if it was Luther or his mother. He took a deep breath and knocked.

It took a long moment for anyone to answer, but the door opened at last and Luther stood in the doorway. He looked disheveled, pieces of his dark hair fallen from his queue and his plain blue waistcoat partially unbuttoned. His face looked drawn, his eyes shadowed and stubble evident, the scar on his cheek from the ball that had nearly cost him his life or his jaw standing out among the dark shadow of hair.

"Noah?" he asked, his surprise obvious in his wide brown eyes.

Noah was immediately uncomfortable and his heart ached at the thought of what his appearance might mean. "I shouldn't have come unannounced," he said quickly. "I'm sorry if I'm interrupting your evening."

He almost turned to leave, but Luther seemed to realize his meaning. "I'm alone," he said quickly. "Mother is visiting her sister. I had a drink and fell asleep by the fire. I haven't been sleeping well."

Noah shifted uncomfortably and nodded, feeling foolish. "I'd like to speak with you."

Luther stepped back and motioned for him to step through the doorway. "Come in."

Noah did so and followed Luther to the chairs by the fire. Luther poured them each a drink, then sat across from him. He looked uncertain and swallowed a long drink of his whiskey.

"I wanted to apologize," Noah began.

"No need," Luther replied before he could say anything more. "It was wrong of me to instigate what happened between us. I didn't mean to cause you or Penny any pain. It was selfish and thoughtless of me."

"I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly," Noah continued, ignoring Luther's apology. "I hurt you. I should not have run as I did. What happened in the barn that day was something I had wanted to happen between us for years. Many years."

Luther appeared surprised. "What of Penny?" he asked. "I know you love her. You always spoke of her and wrote to her constantly."

"I do love her," Noah said with a nod. "The way I feel about you is the same. You mean much to me, Luke."

A look of pain crossed Luther's face. "You mean much to me, but please, don't tell me this. I won't allow you to harm your marriage. Penny doesn't deserve it. I never believed in the the sin of sodomy because it hurts no one unless it's forced - and then those forcing themselves on others are guilty of something far worse. But adultery harms others. I don't want to cause her any pain when she discovers you have been unfaithful to her. I can't allow myself to be involved in any more of it."

"She knows," Noah told him, earning another surprised look from Luther. "I confessed it all this morning. She doesn't wish to come between us."

Luther looked away. "She's ending it then?"

"No," Noah assured him. "She accepts you - me - us. I admitted how I felt toward you and she wishes to make you a member of our family, if Uncle Luther is a title you are willing to accept."

"She wants that?" Luther asked, his voice tight and his fear evident, as if he didn't dare believe Noah's words.

"She does. She encouraged me to seek you out and right the wrong I committed by running from you. I love you, Luther, and Penny believes you are a good man. I believe it, too."

Luther wiped tears from his eyes. "How could such an arrangement work?"

"I don't know yet," Noah confessed, "but I know we will sort out the details and find a routine that pleases all three of us. I believe it possible, and Penny does, as well. It is only a question of what you wish for, what you desire."

Luther laughed lightly. "I desire you, and the ability to tell you everyday that I love you. I wish to share our pain together, and comfort each other. I desire to dote on your children and spoil them as an uncle would, as neither of my sisters seem ready to give me nieces and nephews to fuss over. I wish to be a friend to Penny so she need not fear that I plan to steal you entirely away from her. I love you, Noah, and what I desire more than anything is to share a life with you, if you'll have me."

"Of course I will," Noah replied. "If the world were different I would have thought to marry you before I thought to marry Penny. She is a true friend and I love her dearly, but she did not endure what we have endured together. She knows me, understands me, but you know me from our shared experiences. But I want children, a family, also."

Luther chuckled. "I certainly can't give you those."

"You used to tell me you weren't certain if you wanted to marry and have children," Noah said, thoughtful. "Do you truly mean that?"

Luther shook his head. "I don't wish to marry or be a father, but it would have been difficult to admit the truth when it is all because I have no desire for women. I have always expected to support my mother until she is gone, then see to any children of my sisters. Had my father lived to see me now he would certainly have his own opinion on the matter, but Mother simply wants me to be content, even if it means lifelong bachelorhood. I think now I truly will be happy."

Noah stood, and Luther followed. They embraced and held each other as tightly as they were able. Noah felt Luther tremble and tightened his hold even more.

It was some time before they released each other and dried their eyes.

"I love you," Luther whispered.

"And I love you," Noah replied.

"Will you stay a few more hours?"

Noah smiled. "I would love to. Will you come inside for breakfast tomorrow? I believe Penny wishes for us three to talk."

Luther nodded. "Of course." He then leaned close again and, cupping Noah's face with both hands, kissed him softly.

The kiss quickly turned passionate, and only ended long enough for Noah to follow Luther to his small bedroom.

When Noah returned home it was only slightly later than he had originally planned. Penny had not waited for him, but had gone to bed without him. He changed quickly into his nightshirt by the light of a single candle, hoping not to disturb her, but he heard the bedropes creak as she turned over on the bed to look at him.

"Did the meeting go well?" she asked.

"Yes." He extinguished the candle and slipped into bed beside her. "I believe all is well. He will join us for breakfast to discuss it."

She found his hand in the darkness and squeezed it. "I'm happy to hear that. I had hoped it had gone well and that was why you were delayed."

Noah chuckled. "That is precisely why I was delayed, yes." He rested his head against her shoulder and drew a deep breath. "Thank you."

"Of course," she murmured. "You are more than welcome."

When Luther entered the kitchen the next morning, Penny did not hesitate to embrace him, and he did not hesitate to return the gesture. She kissed his cheek and welcomed him, and Noah saw the tear that escaped his eye.

"You are welcome in this house as long as Noah desires it. I visit my mother and sisters often, and I have much to do myself. Don't allow my presence to disturb you."

Her frankness seemed to surprise Luther, but he nodded. "Thank you."

"Of course," she added, "once the babe is old enough to notice things, more care will be needed to ensure your safety."

"When the time comes I may simply add a lock to the barn door," Noah suggested, only partly in jest.

Luther smiled at that. "And there is my house, though my mother needs to be considered." He turned his gaze back to Penny and took her hand. "You will never truly understand how grateful I am to you, and I promise I will never seek to demand Noah's full attention. We both love him, and he loves us both. I thank you for this opportunity to become a member of your family."

She smiled and patted his cheek with her other hand. "And I promise the same to you, for the same reason."

Noah, feeling deeply emotional, stepped forward and embraced them both, thankful to have such an accepting future.

#historical fiction #queer historical fiction #amrev fiction #writeblr #queer author #queer books

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writtenwhalien · 3 years ago

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Do you have advice for new fan fic writers wanting to start posting?

hello love! 🥰 absolutely! tbh I still feel like a new writer myself considering I only started writing when I made this tumblr which is a year ago, and especially because my blog hasn’t grown as much as others, I feel like I’m still learning all this stuff myself too! 😊

this might be a little bit long bc I’ll be relating to my own experiences and what I’ve learned :) any writers please add on if you feel I’ve missed something! 😋

firstly, write what you want to write! don’t force ideas/requests.

your best work will come when you’re writing something that you’re excited to write. if someone sends a request, it’s okay to say that nothing is coming to mind, or think on it and come back at a later time (I still have requests in my inbox from like 7 months ago and they’re developing into full length fics (think 20k+) because I liked the idea and wanted to give time to it and now I’m really excited to write them too! that said, sometimes forcing ideas has worked for me (talk slow for example), but it’s how you feel in the moment. (now see how I linked my work just there, that is shameless self promo bc u might decide to check it out — remember this for my last point ;)

take your time! if you’re stuck, come back to it a few hours/days/weeks/more later.

following on from the first point, taking your time can be one of the most valuable things to do. sometimes all you need is a little break to figure out the missing piece from your work. if you’ve got writers block, work on a different wip/take requests, whatever works for you.

if you’re struggling to stay motivated, try: making a playlist/moodboard/banner for your fic or read something instead of writing!

pretty self explanatory, but sometimes we need visual creativity to come into play and help us craft our world so we can write it in words. and reading other fics can help you when you see the way another writer writes — their style/format, and I’ve noticed that almost every writer on this app has something unique in their writing that I can’t always put a finger on, but when I read it, it literally makes me go “yeah, I wanna go and work on my fic now.” — that I can’t explain 😂

make your blog pretty!

this is more to attract followers but it’s also very pleasing for you to see yourself! :) have links in your bio, a header, a theme for desktop tumblr, and most importantly, a masterlist!!!! I wish I’d done this earlier lol, my tumblr was trash for a while 😔

make friends! join networks!

this is a social app — use it to “network”. I can guarantee you’ll meet some amazing people and they can be a great motivation/support when it comes to your writing, whether that’s boosting your fics by reblogging, or encouraging you while you write, or even beta-reading for you. also, discord is always filled with wild conversations lmao.

space out your content!

say you get two fics written in two weeks and you don’t know when your next one will be/it’ll be at least a few weeks until the next one, whatever it is, I’d recommend spacing it out. post one fic first, and when the exposure on that starts going down, then post the second one. and queue your rb’s — remember we’re all on different time/schedules so at 2pm on wednesday you might be asleep while I’m awake, or one week you might be busy on a saturday but another saturday you’re scrolling through tumblr, so, my last point….

reblog your own work without shame! it’s yours, be proud of it! I’m still learning to do this myself but rb’s are important so do it :) + self promo!!! if someone is asking for recs, send your own fic! I have and I’ve been embarrassed to do it but they asked! but don’t do it if they’re not asking bc some authors don’t like it, it can feel forceful/ uncomfortable for them to say no.

I hope this helps somewhat!!!! have a lovely day anon and good luck with your writing! ❤️

#asks 💌#anon <3 #writing advice #share for others if you wish <3

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bybdolan · 3 years ago

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i can't find your ramblings on swifties, but I'd love to read it if you want to elaborate here, or screen shot it? i feel like it's been building since the yntcd mv to miss americana doc period of time. the disappointment of her aligning herself as lgbt in the mv, the song comparing her haters to suffering homophobia, the lack of blm effort after her apparent political awakening... that development was when i started to notice it on tumblr, at least

The word "ramble" was maybe a bit overstated, given that it was more or less just me pointing out that it's a thing that happens, but I am very glad you are asking me this because I have a lot of thoughts! If nobody else will write an essay on this, it might as well be me.

I think the groundwork for the fandom crumbling was already laid in rep era – not because of anything Taylor did, but because of the fandom: Every small criticism of Taylor was called "hate" and I think the idea of "good" vs "bad" fan really developed during that time. And the protectiveness makes sense after everything that happened during 2016 and it only increased after Taylor went more in-depth on her mental health struggles during Lover promo, but it also created a big divide in the fandom and made it a fairly hostile place.

Speaking of Lover: I agree with you that that was the era where a lot of people fell out of love with her a bit. From the lead single to whatever YNTCD was, to her "political awakening" shtick: There were a lot of things going on in that era that people found questionable, and this lack of general hype for the album led to even more fandom fights (I will keep bringing up the fandom because I think it's an extension of the artist and very connected to how we view them). I think what you said about the political aspects of that era is 100% accurate – it's ironic that fans critizised her more for little political action after Miss Americana than most of them did when she wasn't political at all, but it also makes sense: if you make being politically outspoken a huge part of your marketing and therefore profit off of it and then don't do much in that regard, people are going to call bullshit. To be fair to her: She didn't do nothing and a celebrity of her caliber has to rethink every move in that regard, but I think the frustration is justified, ESPECIALLY when Taylor is quick to tweet about problems concerning herself (see: that Ginny and Georgia tweet, which I don't want to talk about much because it makes me sigh – but as a side note: The fandom can be vicious and racist and homophobic and I think Taylor not commenting on that has upset people). And what I said about celebrities rethinking every move gets a bit sour to me when remembering that she is in a movie with that O'Russell guy. Very defensive fans have a point when they say that people expect a lot from Taylor, and obviously she can't be perfect, but Taylor did feed into those expectations when making a documentary about not feeling muzzled anymore etc. (There goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen.) A rich white lady shouldn't necessarily be looked at for political guidance, however, she has power and her using her voice has proven to be very effective, and I think fans are disappointed she doesn't use it more often (+ for causes not benefiting herself).

Which brings us to her "capitalist girlboss agenda" that some people take issue with and that I already touched on: Taylor is very proud of her marketing strategies and knowing how to make money. She loves being a businesswoman, and it is admirable that she has been so active in her own management since she was very young, but it's something that clashes with her authenticity and accessibility a lot of fans cherish. I think we all know why she cut out her fan interactions and I personally think it is for the better, however, the tactics that took the place of those interactions are a bit "uuuh" to many. I think this is also where the generation gap of the fandom comes in: Taylor has fans her age that grew up with her, but she also has very young fans and the marketing strategies aimed at the latter don't necessarily go over well with the former. But this just as a side note. I think the introduction of Easter Eggs is a noteworthy moment in fandom history given how big of a part they now play in interacting with Taylor. And it's a fun idea, but there is the issue of the fandom taking it very far and Easter Eggs not leading to anything (1989 TV says hi). It's frustrating to many to not know when a single or an album will be released, and it is tiring to not be able to view anything she posts normally because most likely, it's a hint to something, or at least fans will act like it is. Fans are always used to drive up sales and engagement, as are personal instagram posts, but it is jarring to see it become so overt. I do genuinely believe the Easter Eggs were supposed to be fun for the fans at first, as are the vault thingies, but with the level of marketing and self-mythologization attached to it, it feels cold and sterile. Add that to the insanely high prices for boring merch and debacles like the "digitally signed" CD and you have yourself a recipe for fan disappointment. Taylor has branded herself as her fans' best friend for long, and because she is quirky and weird and often not too polished it worked – but it's not what she wants anymore, and she deserves nothing more than her privacy, but a fan used to genuine engagement with her is going to be taken aback by the new marketing strategies. There ARE ways to be private while still feeling personal in your branding (see Lorde's emails) but Taylor's team didn't want to go down that route apparently.

With all that being said: Taylor's happiness and her being content with her life is more important than whatever I get out of her and her music, and she remains one of the greatest songwriters of our generation – nobody can take that away. And I am sure that many fans will roll their eyes at this post because they still love her like they did when they first discovered her, and I am very happy for them and happy that Taylor has fans that loyal, but this post serves as an attempt to analyse shifts in the fandom that I have noticed over the past few years. I also think it's worth noting that once you start focusing on the negative aspects of something those negative things start jumping out to you, and it's important to maybe step back and focus on the good aspects once in a while – a lot of which I didn't mention because this is not what this post is about. But they are there, and I think the love for Taylor's music can easily sustain even when interest in her as a person fades.

#sorry this got. long.#I do not agree with everything here but it's what i have seen #anyway. stream folklore #ask #anonymous

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years ago

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Umm what are your thoughts on Magnus thinking Raphael doesn't need him anymore

Y̴̖̳̏͐̓͝͝͝O̴͉͔̪͙͎͌̋̊̽̚Ü̴̦ ̵̡̧͍̙͎̤̓͜F̵̺̹̼̫̳̻̖̓̈́̎Ơ̵͈̟̘̼̲O̴̤̻̭̻̟̺̖͗̆͌͒͆͊͂L̴̨͚̝̟̙̥͆̏. you absolute idiot. my thoughts on magnus thinking raphael doesn't need him anymore??????????????? C̶̨̛̖̘̜̟̪̱͗̈́̓̑̋͛́̽͛̃̑̈́Ą̵̢̣͕̥͚̩͔̗̤͙̺͝ͅN̷̢̜͇̪͖̫͓̦̟̰͎͈̫͔̹͌̓̏̐̔̊̽͝ͅ'̵̩͇͐̅͌͋̕T̵̡̡̼̰̼̯͇̝̗̼̫̝̺̝͖͑̀̒͛̈͘͜ͅ ̷̧̘̬͕̯̘͇̹̳͔̑̓͜Y̷̨̥̙̻̣̯̦̓̏̏̂̒͐̕Ơ̸̭͔̤̤̮̙͇͙͇͙̩͐̌̂̈́̐̇̌̌̕̚͝U̴̢̡͙͕̖̥̗̔̿̒̓̉̓͌ͅ ̶̺͚̯͙̘̦̻͚͒͒̍͗̌̚͜͠S̶̢͆̉́̋̈́́Ȩ̵̪͚̹͉͉͉̼̱͖̏ͅĘ̶̛̞̣͚̲̳̻̪̤̲͎̳̠̻̎̊̽̀̉̑͝ ̴̧̛̫͖͍̺͙͓͈̹͕͛͊͊̓͋̄͑͗̉͆͠͝T̵̡͍̱͍̙͈̞͍̪̭͌̄͂̎͑͂Ḩ̴̧̫̪͖̫̞̞̀̔̾̿̃͗̋͐̌͊̀̕̚È̴̢̨͓̞̠̲̱̠͉̾̀ ̴̢͇͈̣͙̝̭͔̰͔̫̦̈́̀͘Ṁ̶̡͓̖̭̩̱̗̗̘̯̖̹͖̳̭̙̺͋͐̈Ḭ̷̢̧̢͔̙̪̣̞̣͙̘̑͌̈́̐̾̅̆́̆̑̃͋͒͒̎͠Ş̵̱̘̰͓̫̦̺͚̙̹͚̗͎̭̠͆̀̏͐͋͗̈́T̷̢̡̡̛̪̝̟̻̠̼̦̦̰̦̗͓̣͌̌̐̋͊̐̔͛̕Ą̵͔͉̜̪̦͓̗̤͇͖̘͓̱̰̜̈͒̍̊͂ͅK̵̛͈̜̱͉̜̖͈̈́́̒̀̐͒́̂̔͆̾̏̂͂̕̕E̸̡͓̣̪̮͉̮̻̹̰̒́̾̋ ̴̡̮̝̝͇̫̮̭̞̦̘̙̥̥̗͒̿͝ͅY̷̡̨͙̝̰̗̗̫͛́̕͜͠͝Ō̵̬Ų̶̡̖̗͙̞̲̺͖̣͉̜̿́͒͆́̏̚͠ͅ'̵̮̭̗̙̘̰͍̥̣̪̩̖̦͂̀̋̆̓̉́̅͜R̸̼̤͙̞͚̼̤͆͛͌̄̈́̑͘Ê̸̡̢̩̳̤͙̳̘̲̞̦̳̻̩̔̐̄͐̑̒̿̒̽̈́̌͒̏̚ ̷̛̮̂̈̽̄̇̆̍̄͂̋̒͛͝͝͝M̶̧̢̛͙̮̣͎̮͍̝̪͔͎̘͔̐̊͐̄̃́̄̄͋̆̕͜͝A̵̧̮̙͖͓̭̯̘̪̿͊̌̉̆̄̈́̾̅́͆͋́̾̓͝K̸̘̩̯̼̣͍̠̝͈̤̮̝̻̬̿̈́Ǐ̶͖̹͈̫͙̀͛̀̆͆͊̿͘̕͝Ṋ̸̨̨̗̰͖̳̝͉͑̏̀̀́̂͗͌̽̈G̸̢̰̟̜͎̪̬̞̲͔̘͍̋̆. not only is this one of my favorite angsts ever, nay! you just posted self promo bait!!! i have a whole ass fic about it (link). and you know what the worst part is???? im gonna make a huge ass answer to your question anyway!!!! do you understand how naive you were now??? do you have any idea what you have unleashed?????

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok. so i think the saddest part about this is magnus' assumption that like... if he isn't useful, he isn't desirable. which we know is 100% how magnus rolls (therapy-needing icon) and would particularly ring true in raphael's case because like... magnus took raphael in when raphael was at his lowest. their relationship was started off by the fact that raphael needed him. and that makes it even harder for magnus to shake that feeling off

like, don't misquote me, it's not raphael's fault and that is not how he sees magnus at all. and i don't think magnus singlehandedly saved raphael or whatever; raphael had to build his own network of ppl and resources to get over his addiction and get back on his feet and build himself back together, as anyone does. no one can carry a burden as big as singlehandedly taking care of any one person, nevermind one in the state rapha was in. but the fact remains: raphael and magnus met when raphael was at his lowest, and they built their relationship because magnus helped him

and magnus knows raphael's got this whole repentance thing going on, he knows that raphael feels like a monster and a burden and like his debt to magnus is unmeasurable. and that makes him second-guess everything about their relationship, imo, because like... raphael probably feels like he has to keep magnus company, he has to do as he says or whatever, because he has a debt

and to some extent it's nice that magnus is like... aware of that imbalance, which is inherent to that situation, but then i think it becomes pretty much... being convinced that raphael doesn't like him and only puts up with him because he has to since he owes magnus

and when magnus "adopted" rapha, magnus was at a particular fragile point. i'm pretty sure rapha was the first person magnus ever let into his life, fully, enough to really know him and his insecurities and his true self, after camille. his other friends - catarina, dot, ragnor, elias - all knew him from before. and we know how after camille magnus locked his heart; yes, he was referring to romantic relationships, but when you are constantly afraid of falling in love with someone in case they will abuse you, you can't fully build platonic relationships either, because there is that wall that is there, a certain level of intimacy that you won't allow yourself

and with that i don't mean that romantic relationships are inherently more intimate or deeper than platonic ones! i mean that to build any sort of intimate relationship, romantic or platonic, you need to be able to allow yourself to be vulnerable, and magnus was obviously not allowing himself that, because he was scared of being vulnerable after it was used so viciously against him the last time he opened up his heart

but magnus is still too caring of a person to leave someone in a state as bad as raphael's - no sire, battling addiction, alone in the streets, probably no knowledge of the shadow world (this is probably where i should add my mandatory disclaimer that i'm not following book canon and i don't care how it went there, i'm talking about the show), no clan, no family, basically no one - alone, so of course he's gonna bring him in for a night and feed him and try to find a way to help him

but then you add to that two facts: 1- magnus is hopelessly affection and touch-starved and desperately needs company; 2- there is not many places raphael can actually go to

so of course magnus lets raphael stay. and it's for his own sake as much as it is for his, because again, magnus is starved, and he is at a point of his recovery where he needs to let people in, even if it's slowly and in a relatively safe situation - like, what can raphael do to hurt him? okay, there's a few things, but still. it's just easier to let yourself be vulnerable when the person you're allowing to see it is someone you've seen equally as or even more vulnerable. especially if they have no connections to people you know, as it is in rapha's case

PLUS, he empathises. i've said it before and i'll say it again, raphael and magnus have so much in common. from background (immigrants, brown, downworlders, one is bi the other is ace which are two groups known for their ties and solidarity with each other, trans if you go by my headcanons which i will because this is my blog and i do what i want) to coping mechanisms (both clearly deal with their problems on their own and try to avoid letting other people help them as much as they can, even if in very different ways - magnus creates a persona so he can be surrounded by people and not let them in too close whereas raphael doesn't let them get close from the get-go), to some of their personal psychological issues (this unbearable responsibility they carry on their shoulders, like everything and everyone is dependant on them and it is on them personally to help everyone they find: see raphael and how involved he got with simon and the way he talked about the other vampires/the clan even before he became clan leader, and magnus and Literally Everyone That Came Into His Path; the feelings of monstrosity they both feel due to their downworlder status and their past; the guilt; the self sacrificial/giving til it hurts tendencies; etc), to a few personality traits (similar sense of humor, both natural leaders, both pretty bold in their own ways; they also have many differences in personality but they are quite compatible/similar in other ways as well).... i could go on. i'm not saying they are Literally The Same Character (that'd be bad writing anyway, and there are notable differences such as raphael being way more recluse than magnus, their different moral codes, etc.) but there is a lot in common, which results in a nice dynamic in which:

they have fun with each other (think "because you're totally unbiased"; that was clearly a tease, neither of them were really upset by it, raphael looked at magnus expectantly like he expected magnus to laugh and magnus just glared at him in a clearly playful way)

they care for each other deeply (think every interaction we got between them or that included them talking about each other to a third person lmao i think this one is undeniable)

they trust each other incredibly (think raphael being tortured and going to magnus before he went to his own clan, then staying at his house, he obviously feels comfortable and safe there more than anywhere else including his own supposed home; and i wish we had gotten to see more of raphael taking care of magnus as well but of course the writers always forgot magnus had friends and family beyond shadowhunters lmao, but still, i think it's undeniable that the trust goes both ways because of the sheer difference in the way magnus treated raphael as opposed to other people who came for his help, including downworlders like simon)

they are openly affectionate with each other in a way they aren't with most people (think them hugging or the way magnus casually touched raphael's face like it was perfectly normal. that is like, the only s3 raphael scene i claim lmao)

hmmm where was i going with this. man i should really get checked for ADHD or whatever

RIGHT they built a nice relationship. which magnus craved!!! he really really needed someone he could be affectionate with, someone he could trust, someone he had fun with! and again, it's not that he didn't have that, but it was the first time he was building a relationship like this again from scratch after camille. plus, i'm sure camille pushed him away from his friends because that's what abusers do, and i'm sure magnus also pushed them away to some extent because again, being vulnerable was hard. but with raphael there was no escaping it. like, he was living at magnus' house

and he needed that! and i think raphael and their relationship had such an important catalyst role in magnus' recovery from camille. not that raphael saved him - again, that's not even possible - but the way their relationship was constructed was essential for magnus to start opening up again. without it i really doubt it would have been possible for him to open up to alec, and i think their relationship and history is extremely overlooked and underrated by the fandom

but like... the fact that he was in such a vulnerable emotional state to begin with, plus the fact that their relationship was kickstarted by the fact that raphael needed him, will obviously lead to him thinking that raphael only puts up with him or whatever because he needs him/feels indebted (because magnus knows at this point that raphael is not the kind to use people, but he also knows that raphael already acts like his mere presence in the world is something he has to make up for it's the catholicism so of course he's gonna feel like he needs to make up for magnus for such a huge gesture. anyone who's not an asshole would, but like, particularly raphael). cue magnus like, probably feeling guilty for getting so attached to raphael because he's an idiot

and like of course raphael feels indebted and grateful but he also does genuinely in fact like magnus (for all the reasons listed above) and also like, he did in fact also need more connections, he had just lost all of his previous ones. but most importantly he does care for magnus and loves him immensely even beyond all that magnus did for him. and he does see magnus as a person and knows about his struggles and vulnerabilities because it's impossible not to when you live/have lived together, and he just... cares and empathises

but also raphael obviously thinks he's a burden to magnus because duh, and i don't think magnus ever really told raphael how much taking raphael in helped him, how much it meant to him and his recovery, how he was doing it for himself as much as he was doing it for rapha, because 1- he's scared of being so open and vulnerable; 2- he's scared of making raphael feel even more guilty; 3- he's stupid and i think part of him assumed it went without saying

like he was always so openly affectionate with raphael (maybe even too much in his eyes, maybe he was scared of being too attached, putting too much on his shoulders, it's not this traumatized kid's job to deal with his issues for fuck's sake) and magnus has always worn his heart in his sleeve and he feels everything so deeply i think he sometimes forgets that it's not actually plain for everyone to see and feel. particularly not non-warlocks, since it's kinda implied that warlocks have some level of sensitivity to each other going on. plus raphael is autistic af so he can't tell what magnus is feeling if magnus doesn't fucking say it, and he has a terminally low self esteem that i assume would be even lower by that point (due to, you know... the general shitshow state his life was in), so of course he doesn't assume he's as important to magnus as magnus is to him, particularly not when he is literally burdening him (in raphael's eyes). so he thinks it's obvious but it's Really Not

so we have like a lot of misunderstanding angst with both of them wanting to get closer but thinking they are imposing on the other and pulling away, and both of them taking the other pulling away as a sign that they aren't comfortable and aaaa

so like i think that rapha would mention moving out so he can get out of magnus' hair, and magnus is all crestfallen because he's so not ready to be alone at home again, but he can't be selfish and hold the kid back just because he has shit he needs to deal with, right? it's not fair

and then like lowkey spiralling afraid that after that he's going to be alone again and raphael won't want to see him anymore, or worse, that he'll force himself to out of pity or guilt, and magnus will just be a chore to him

and raphael feeling like magnus wants to get rid of him and will want him out of his hair and aaaaaaaaaaa

and magnus of course is all put together and excited about it, "yes, my boy, don't worry, i'll help you move" and playfully tilting his head and being all excited and getting into chop-chop mode because as long as he can make himself useful he can avoid thinking about how he's gonna be alone again. and rapha of course taking this as magnus being eager for him to leave

and just doijasiodjasoij they're IDIOTS. i think this would be more or less resolved by raphael because at the very least he has to thank magnus for everything he's done and tell magnus that he means so much to him, that he'll always be thankful. and magnus again is all put together, all "it was nothing, my boy" but rapha pulls him into a hug and suddenly they are Not Letting Each Other Go. like it's tight and maybe they're both shaking a little because Badly Repressed Emotions and they're just. so unwilling to let each other go for what they feel like will be forever because they are sad and dramatic. and raphael even wonders for a second if he's like, super strengthing magnus into the hug by accident, but even when he tries to let go magnus doesn't even notice and is still hugging him tight, so he's like. okay. guess i can stay for a little longer then. and keeps hugging him

and lol i have half a mind to be like "and then raphael ends up staying because neither of them actually wants raphael to leave so what's the point" and actually i think i might be going this route for this particular hc. but of course eventually raphael does leave because you know... kids grow up and all daihdsaioj and i think that they still have some things to resolve, particularly from magnus' side? i think raphael is more in touch with him than the other way around, even if mostly we've seen him coming to magnus for help, but like... that trust is there, you know, and we didn't see a lot of the opposite

i know s3 raphael was fake anyway but like i imagine him finding out that magnus lost his magic and he had no idea or that he lost his home and being like "why didn't you ask for my help?? our help??" because you know all his other friends would have wanted to help him out too, and magnus is just. he doesn't want to be a burden. he feels like if he is, he's going to lose anyone. he needs to be there for them

and it's so much bullshit of course and raphael is pissed - not at magnus, he couldn't be mad at him, but just pissed in general. and he draws magnus in for a hug and tells him that he can always come to raphael, whenever he needs, and raphael will drop everything to help him. the clan is doing okay (especially post-valentine and impending doom and all, you know, they can take care of themselves lmao. like look of course raphael is a very involved leader but you get what i mean, they won't die if he goes help magnus with something) and he has second-in-commands he trusts anyway. and he doesn't want magnus to hide his problems for him and not come for his help and aaa

just.... rapha being like "you think i wouldn't do anything i could for you? anything to make sure you're alright?" and magnus being like "you don't have to" and raphael going, "you didn't have to do it for me either. but you did" "you don't owe me anything" "i do, but this is not about that. magnus, you're my family" and magnus tearing up because it is so immense to him to be someone's family, something he almost can't grasp

and magnus slowly learning that no, raphael doesn't need him, but that's not important because he wants magnus in his life anyway. and they can always rely on each other, no matter what, even if they aren't dependant on each other - and that is a good thing :)

#shadowhunters #sh #raphael santiago #magnus bane #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them #ask #anonymous #meta #raphael santiago meta #magnus bane meta #q #anti cc #anti tsc #anti tmi #long post

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shelovescontrol91 · 3 years ago

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Between a starring role in Cinderella, live performances, and a forthcoming album, it would appear things are business as usual for Camila Cabello. But there’s a difference: Before the pandemic her work was leaving her drained, anxious, and insecure. Now she’s found a way to be a pop star on her own terms, and everything—from the music to her relationship with her body—has fallen into place.

By mid-September, Camila Cabello was feeling burnt out. In the span of three days she had performed at the MTV Video Music Awards, attended the Met gala with boyfriend Shawn Mendes, and shot the first-ever global cover for Glamour. So when she finally returned home to Miami, rest wasn’t just desired—it was essential.

But rehearsals for New York’s Global Citizen Festival loomed. Before jumping back into pop star mode, Cabello put on a yellow bikini and headed to the beach for two hours of blissfully uninterrupted downtime. She sank into a chair and cracked open a book, her favorite pastime. The salty air enveloped her; waves crashed in the distance. This is why she lives in Miami, her hometown, as opposed to a showbiz hub like Los Angeles: more privacy.

Or so she thought. Somehow the paparazzi found out where she was for those 120 minutes. She didn’t see them at first, but there they were, snapping away.

“I didn’t consent to those pictures,” she tells me over Zoom, camera off as she drives in Miami. (At one point she says to someone on the road, “Why are you honking at me, bro?”) “I got my period on the beach. I’m in a bikini and on my period, so I don’t know if I have a fucking period stain and that’s going to be everywhere. I didn’t sign up for anybody to be taking pictures of me in a bikini.”

Cabello has developed methods for dealing with invasive situations like this. She’s had to. The 24-year-old—born in Cuba, raised in Miami—has been in the public eye since 2012, when she competed on The X-Factor. She auditioned as a solo artist but was later matched with four other girls to form the pop group Fifth Harmony. They released two albums before Cabello embarked on her own—and achieved mind-boggling fame. Her singles “Havana” and “Señorita” (with Mendes) topped the charts worldwide. She’s earned three Grammy nominations, become a face of L’Oréal, and tried her hand at not just acting but starring in a feature film: this year’s Cinderella remake on Amazon Prime. Her third studio album, Familia, is due out later this year.

By all accounts it’s a lot. Careerwise it’s the closest things have felt to prepandemic times, when she was working constantly, arguably to an exhausting degree. As COVID-19 shutdowns went into effect last March, Cabello was able to realize just how tired she was.

“I by no means am trying to complain,” she says, “but it was such a thing of, ‘I have to get onstage tomorrow and I’m performing at this big thing,’ or whatever. ‘I want to do a good job. How do I do that when I feel nervous?’ I did this without being like, ‘Am I even happy right now? Do I even feel healthy?’ I didn’t have the space to ask myself those questions. I’m still working a ton now, but after quarantine I’m able to be like, ‘You know what? Right now I’m just not happy. I need to change something.’”

Therapy helped her see the changes she needed to make. Cabello tells me she’d experimented with therapy before the pandemic, but it was always situation focused—quick fixes to help her tackle the next performance or songwriting session. But with time at home, she dug deeper: “Because I wasn’t stressed about all the things I needed to do the next day, I was able to slow down and have enough stability to look at my stuff.”

Cabello doesn’t expand on what that “stuff” is. She does, however, explain why she decided to switch therapists as her internal work continued. “I wasn’t feeling like I was progressing in the areas I wanted to progress,” she says. “But when I switched, I found I was able to apply what they said in a way that benefited my mental health.”

One lesson she’s learned is the power of saying no. Two hit albums under her belt give Cabello the freedom to do things her way. Now she always has one day off a week, minimum. And when time came to start work on Familia, she forwent the standard pop music factory for a more intimate approach. The new album was made with just a handful of collaborators she could be open with. If Cabello was feeling anxious or nervous in a session, she had the space to address it. As a result, she says, it’s her best work yet.

“It’s the most grounded and calm I’ve ever been making an album,” she says. “I worked with people I wanted to have dinner with, and I was like, ‘I’m not going to write every single day for months, but write a few days a week and have time to gather experiences and be a human being.’”

Shawn Mendes is one of the people she’s gathering experiences with. The two singers confirmed their relationship in September 2019, and they’ve been tabloid magnets ever since. Everything from their laughably slow pandemic walks to their kissing style is dissected with a fine-tooth comb. A clip of them getting ready for the Met gala went instantly viral.

Cabello tells me she and Mendes try to avoid the social media chatter about their relationship, but it inevitably seeps in. “When stuff that’s negative is out there, it’s going to get to you,” she says. “So yeah, that’s very, very challenging. I feel like it’s another thing therapy has been really helpful for.”

Mendes goes to therapy too. While Cabello says she and Mendes haven’t done couples therapy—though she’d be open to it—they very much work on their mental health together.

“For better, for worse, we’re very transparent with each other. I think that’s why we can trust each other so much, because it’s a very 3D human relationship,” she says. “I’ll be venting or ranting about something, and he’ll be like, ‘Have you talked to X about it?’ And I’ll be like, ‘No. I’ve got to do a session.’ And he’ll do the same thing to me. I think even just the language of being like, ‘Hey, I’m sorry that I’ve been distant with you or snappy with you. I’m just struggling and I’m feeling kind of anxious.’ That level of transparency really helps a lot.”

Mendes echoes Cabello’s thoughts. “Camila and I give each other an extreme amount of patience and understanding,” he tells me via email. “I think the truth is that when you’re struggling with mental health, it turns you sometimes into the version of yourself that you don’t like to be—and kind of loving and accepting your person through that, and being there for them through that, is life-changing. We give each other so much space and understanding and patience.”

A behind-the-scenes VMAs story perfectly illustrates this. When Cabello was nervous meeting new people at an after-party, she caught herself leaning on a habit she’s trying to break. Mendes helped her through it.

“I have this pattern of eating a lot when I’m anxious or uncomfortable,” she says. “It’s a comfort thing for me. I’ll just kind of become unconscious and zombie-eat a lot, and then I’ll feel sick. I’ve told Shawn about that. So at the VMAs party, I was like, ‘I’m doing it.’ And he was like, ‘It’s okay. You’re doing it. That’s okay. Let’s just take a breath and not do that.’ It’s really good for me to be able to talk about my patterns with someone.”

Food and body image are two things that have really been on Cabello’s mind this year. A July TikTok she posted shutting down body-shamers racked up 4.8 million likes. “Being at war with your body is so last season,” she says in the video, which she posted after photos of her running in Los Angeles made the rounds online.

That mantra is true, sure, but it’s easier said than done. Even Cabello has difficulty following it. She braced herself for what she might feel when those aforementioned bikini pics went live: “I need to work out. I need to eat better.” “Not that those things are bad,” she says. “But maybe I wouldn’t think about them as much if there weren’t people taking pictures of me.”

It’s not just the paparazzi who ignite moments of self-doubt. Cabello tells me about a time she was exercising with her trainer, Jenna Willis—who’s great, she says—and feeling insecure. “She’s the same height as me, and I was kind of comparing myself to her, because she is a lot skinnier than I am,” she recalls. “I was just like, ‘Yeah, but I’ve been working out and I look better, right? I look better, right?’”

It’s Willis who helped silence those voices in Cabello’s head, reminding her that how she feels is more important than appearances; that life is about balance and enjoying food. These are health philosophies we’ve all heard—but when you’re Camila Cabello and millions are picking apart your beach photos, it’s hard to tune out the noise. Now when she’s feeling down on herself, she just turns her phone off and goes outside.

“When I’m having negative thoughts about my body, that’s actually when I’ll want to binge-eat cookies, and then I have a stomachache,” she says. “It’s this weird psychology: The more I love my body, the more I actually want to take care of it…. As long as I’m healthy and working out and feel good, that’s the best I can do. There’s no point in trying to have another kind of body.”

By this point in our conversation, Cabello’s made it to her destination. When I ask if she’ll have time to chill and decompress, she says, “To be honest, not yet, but I will after this weekend.” There’s a calmness in her voice when she says this—a stillness, a readiness. She seems perfectly prepared for what lies ahead: album promo, performances, and undoubtedly more scrutiny about her body, her relationship, her everything. But she’ll be fine, because just around the corner is a day off. That’s nonnegotiable.

“It’s important to be on top of not just what’s making you sad or anxious, but also what’s giving you joy,” she says. “I want to be happy and enjoy my life. That’s kind of it.”

#camila cabello #shawn mendes #shawmila

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bakugouisabitch · 3 years ago

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Ziggy i work two jobs now and the second job is retail where i'm on my feet all day.

If you feel up to it, tell me how yb and malik would help each other relax after a hard day.

Omg this is so fucking cute of you 🥺 i sure can!!

((i’m so sorry to hear that that sounds so exhausting :(( i used to work in retail too and my sister still does work in retail where she’s on her feet all day and she always tells me how tiring it can get.. i can imagine what you’re going through might be even harder... i’m so sorry 🥺))

okay hc time:

hmm let me think 🤔

I can actually see Malik working in retail in a classy clothing store. But only as a “last option.” As the pretentious little bitch that he is, he’d actually be the type to aim in what is generally seen as a “higher option” in the working environment. I can see him wanting to do a job where he gets to feel important, like an office job for example. Whether it’s just as a secretary or an accountant, i can see him working in more “conservative” places, where he can put on a neat suit and walk around feeling classy and bossy, or feel a sense of accomplishment by communicating with customers in polite ways and telling them what to do 💆‍♀️ But if his choices are narrowed down i can picture him working in a clothing store as well. But that’s like the only retail he’d work in, otherwise he’d feel far too “above it all”. It’s like his last option because, pretentious as he is, he wouldn’t enjoy a job where he has to “serve” people in any way - and that also includes packing their clothes in a bag behind a cash register.

Bakura, on the other hand, is much more laid back with that like,,,,, he doesn’t give a fuck as long as he gets money sgsjhs If it was up to him he wouldn’t be working at all. He’d survive by just stealing what’s necessary to live (but ofc that would be impossible - unfortunately for him). Like, less communication with people and more manual labour is what he’d pick. I can even see him working in really “easy jobs” (also because it’s easier for him to adapt as a human in society after having been a spirit for so long) like for a fast food chain or delivering the mail or even just as a dishwasher. You know... working in places where he might even get the chance to steal something >.> (i might draw him in working clothes one day 🤔 the idea really amuses me)

Now, coming to your post-work relaxing HCs:

When Malik comes home after a hard day’s work I can totally picture him complaining. And like, a lot. He wants Bakura’s full attention and he wants him to listen so he can talk and talk and complain and lament how everyone is wrong and he is right. Yk at the end of the day, he is no boss or CEO in the office or whatever working place he chooses (unless he really builds his way up but that would take a lot of time) and that in itself frustrates him. No matter how much he can keep up the illusion of being the one who orders his colleagues around, as a matter of fact he isn’t. He also has superiors to listen to and he has to collaborate with others and, because of all of his complexities and issues he had growing up, he'd low-key feel humiliated by something so mediocre. So, as soon as he gets home he has to let it all out and complain about everyone. He mostly overdoes it in his stories tho’ and is quite the drama queen for even just minor things that didn’t go as he planned at work...

Bakura kind of sees through all of this, ofc, but he’s totally here for Malik in these moments. He gives him his full attention and nods and agrees to whatever Malik says, even if he knows he’s being a tiny bit extra with his tales. But he knows Malik needs his attention and a lot of praise and reminders of how good he is. Most of all in these moments. So he complies ofc to please his distressed boyfriend.

(kinda angsty HCs:) When his working day goes really bad, there are even moments where Malik would take out his whole anger on Bakura and start accusing him of being the problem (shameless self-promo: kind of like in the beginning of my fic here) . And it’s in these moments where Bakura stops with all the sympathetic demeanour and actually fights back. Because enough is enough, and Malik has a tendency to go too far with his words and his insults at times. But even if they end up arguing it’s a coping mechanism for Malik as well to let out some of that pent up rage he’s been feeling all day. And with Bakura actually fighting back instead of just caving in, Malik gets a low-key unhealthy sense of high/satisfaction too: One, because he has Bakura’s full attention that way, and two, because he longs for that kind of conflict. He’d even go as far as provoking Bakura on purpose to rile him up and get him to direct his whole anger back at him. And Bakura never fails to put him back in his place so Malik gets exactly what he wants at the end of the day. Yes this would also lead to a lot of steamy fucking but i‘m trying to keep these HCs sfw and it’s really hard with these two sdfghjkIn Whatever their way, they make up for it at the end of the day anyway and it’s like nothing happened once the stress leaves them so, no worries.

When Bakura comes home after a hard day‘s work he hates everything. But more in a grumpy/don‘t-talk-to-me kind of way. Unlike Malik, he won‘t be complaining about his job because he doesn‘t want to waste another second thinking about it now that it‘s his free time. He won’t be mentioning the “W” from work unless it’s totally necessary. As soon as he’s done working, he wants to pretend it doesn‘t even exist and like, use every second out of work for his own personal benefit. Being a thief/cheater of rules in life, he always makes sure to do as little duty as possible and he would even be the type to falsely call in sick and do stuff like that to not work. ANYWAY (sorry for digressing) once he leaves work he wants to make the best of his time and as soon as he enters home he‘d throw himself on the sofa and take his favourite drink (beer) and make sure he‘s as relaxed as possible. He‘s also particularly needy to have Malik on his lap in these moments and would love for him to just stay close to him and cuddle and caress and touch him. Ideally he’d want Malik to be his perfect nice malewife in such moments and when Malik is in the right mood he even complies - he’d do anything to hear more praise from Bakura over how good and perfect he is and would even prepare him a nice non-vegetarian meal just to please his boyfriend.

Unlike Malik, Bakura would love to have less conflict possible in his post-work moments and craves to touch and just have Makik all to himself in his arms. But if Malik happens to be in the wrong mood as well and kind of neglects Bakura in these moments, Bakura could become petty enough to scowl and brood away for eternity. He’d be low-key/indirectly demanding that Malik makes up for it later on. And this would lead to nsfw hcs as well sfjhdj sorry Malik would be like “hey what’s up?” and Bakura would just grumble with his arms crossed and looking away. Malik would have to tip-toe his way slowly in to not let him be moody and disappointed for the rest of the day, calling him “Habibi” or “Bakura-sama” (since he adressea himself with ore-sama so gladly) to soften him up, until Bakura can’t help but let a smile form on his lips and they would end up cuddling and fucking ofc and everything is fine once again.

Idk i just really like them exactly because they seem to clash for being so different but they always find a way (sappy as it sounds) to be perfect for each other at the end <33

((I hope these were the kind of HCs you asked for 🥺 sorry if they got far too long or psychological sgksjak I wish you good good luck and i hope in future you may find something that is less stressful for you 💙💜))

#sorry am on mobile #bakumali #yami bakura #malik ishtar #bakura #marik ishtar #malik #marik #thiefshipping #bakumali hc #yugioh #ygo #icouldbesus #ask #*#ziggy talks

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shireness-says · 4 years ago

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Self-Promo Sunday Tag Game

Tagged by: @profdanglaisstuff, @idoltina

Just for fun this Sunday, let's talk about our personal favorites of our own fics.

Not the ones we necessarily think are the “best.” The ones we go back and reread again and again (because if you don’t reread your own fics what are you even doing?), or the ones we wrote for something or someone special, or the ones that were most difficult to write and just make us proud when we think about them? Whatever criteria you choose, just talk a bit about the fics of yours that you really like.

Thanks for tagging me, ladies! Pardon my long list - I just posted my 60th (!!!) fic, so there’s a lot to choose from. In no particular order:

wait for the morning (i’ll be waiting for you)

Oh, I had so much fun writing this one. I’ve reread it an embarrassing amount of times, honestly. I loved getting to reimagine how things might have been different, without the second curse - what things I would have wanted to see, what things I would have skipped over, where that would have taken us. What it might look like if Emma and Killian had been able to grow into their relationship given a bit more time. There was a moment where I wrote the end - where I wrote about Emma choosing to believe that they have True Love - where I got so mega excited because suddenly, I had stumbled into a theme, and I needed to go back right that second and drop breadcrumbs of belief throughout the rest of the fic.

Another Page

I think this is probably one most folks don’t know about - both because it’s a sequel to my 5b divergence, and because it follows Belle. Pairing her up with Fitz (P&P’s Colonel Fitzwilliam) was actually @snidgetsafan‘s idea - I said I wanted to give her a sweeping Austen-esque hero, and she dropped the perfect option right in my lap. What it really comes down to is that I loved figuring out who I’d want Fitz to be, character-wise, that would make him perfect for Belle. She deserves her happy ending!

A Fate Woven in Thread and Ink

I’m just really proud of this one. Some days, I feel like it’s cheating; I’m adapting an existing work to fit CS, after all. But still, I’m proud of the breadcrumbs I’m dropping, and the tone I’ve maintained, and the atmosphere I’ve described. It’s a real labor of love, and I adore figuring out how all the pieces should fit together.

Killian Jones and the Lost Boy

Again, one I’ve reread an embarrassing amount of time considering it’s my own damn fic. But! It’s soft and fluffy and the perfect pick-me-up. Writing children is a challenge for me, sometimes, but I’m pretty pleased with how I wrote Henry - his particular four-year-old stubbornness and the little kid things like accidentally holding up too many fingers. Of course Killian came to love that kid - who wouldn’t?

The Song Remains The Same

There’s a particular yearning to this one that I think is lovely - that feeling of second chances and paths not taken. I love stories about people reckoning with change - none of us are completely static, and I love dealing with that. I think it makes for a nice story - both people reckoning with changes within themselves and with others. It’s a nice emotional tension you can take so many ways. Also, my 20-somethings (and early 30-somethings): don’t pretend you didn’t want cinematic dancing to The Only Exception. It’s waltz-time, that’s a universal feeling.

The Queen’s Librarian

Dat library, tho. Also, librarian!Killian. And semi-naked sword fighting. Enough said.

What fics would you guys add to this list?

Tagging: @ohmightydevviepuu, @welllpthisishappening, @optomisticgirl, @phiralovesloki, @winterbythesea

#self promo sunday #shameless self promotion #tag games #shireness speaks

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laadgovernorandsankadevi · 4 years ago

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IPK Rewatch: Ep 04; who writes our fates?

The episodes picks up from where we had left off previously, with a frantic and impulsive Khushi running behind the ASR, making him stop. With today's episode, we start the journey into the first two promos of the show. (The promo with Khushi saying she makes her own clothes and people matter more than money whilst ASR priorities appearances, and the second one posted in the very first post.)

The biggest divide between the two has not been their lifestyles, but their moral code, their beliefs. Khushi blends with the Raizadas very well especially Anjali and Nani which lets us believe that Khushi might have gotten along with Ratna quite well as well. Khushi stands steadfast in front of Arnav and his look of intimidation. This is one of the very few times where when he moves forward, she doesn't take a step back. It's also representative of in my opinion, of what he refuses to budge against. Her beliefs and her self-respect is something she wouldn't be intimidated easily from.

Arnav's "kya kiya main ne?" is insightful of his cheekiness, his entitlement, and reeking arrogance. The thing is, that the person who asks her this questions wasn't ASR, it was Arnav switching in and out of his persona with Khushi, and Arnav will be regretting the realisation - and the effect Khushi has on him that makes him switch between his personas as much.

I also love Khushi's sandals slipping out of her feet, specifically I think the left feet concisely as she walked behind him, ran behind him and then away from him. Khushi's path towards Arnav is filled with pain. It's often observed that and bare left feet means awaiting sorrow and that does seem to be the case for Khushi at least. If Arnav is restless at him not seeing Khushi on occasions later onwards, then Khushi looks for excuses to be around him while denying that she does so, to see him.

What I think pisses Arnav off is that while Khushi points at his arrogance, and his attitude of getting his way or creating terrible circumstances when he doesn't get his own way, whatever happened between them was not solely him. We see this belief translating into her conversation with Payal later when she points at everything happening for a reason. She remarks at Arnav as well that even the decisions he thinks he is making for himself are being taken by him because of how Devi Mayyian is guiding him. She remarks at his lack of gratitude instead of affirming that he has accomplished everything on his own.

However Arnav is quick to respond with a classic comeback, of pain wouldn't be existing if God was present. The exchange on pain, and God providing us with aids to heal the pain is a classic exchange between someone who finds themselves aligned to religion because it has been their biggest source of comfort , and someone who decides to move away from everything as a reactionary. Whilst Arnav had behavioural issues growing up even when his parents were alive, it is Arnav's displeasure with everything that his family stood for which make it easy for him to embrace everything opposite of what they believe in.

Before the last sentences exchanged between the two, he tells her to not come in his way again. Coincidentally, the next time they meet one another is when she collides with his car!

Khushi's last words to him echo within him that no one is in control besides Devi Mayyian. Not even Arnav Singh Raizada and this starts the cat and mouse challenges between them. To show whose in-charge, he makes sure the clip of a girl like him, in arms of a man like him is circulated to all news channel. Oh Arnav bitwa, if only you hadn't! If only! - it's funny that this one action of his sends the person already living with the Raizadas to save this girl whose clearly been caused distress because of Arnav/Saale Sahib

Absolutely love Khushi and Payal's bond with their conversation. I sorely missed their little banters, and moments of assurance after their wedding.

One of the few lines I loved in this interaction was Payal asking where did the pearls disappear, and if a crow took them away. kawa udda le gaya kya? crows are insightful, curious, misunderstood creatures. They symbolises magic, transformation, and change. There is also a common superstition that arrival of crows means arrival of a guest. The reason for adverse transformation awaiting Khushi's life is the one who took those pearls away. That person, earlier in the day made sure that the change would shake Khushi's life.

It is after this Khushi berates Arnav Singh Raizada. She refers to him as Laad Governor for the first tike in front of Payal. Not many people are aware of this name which later turns into a term of endearment but Payal before Akash is privy to these change in Khushi's life. Payal is also one of the few people to be able to differentiate between Khushi being Khushi, or Khushi lying. In telling about the encounter earlier, I love how she calls her to-be husband whose a diabetic, barfi ka tukra! how ironic. Barfi in general is made from sweet condensed milk which is a symbol of fertility. That is what Arnav is for his family and loved ones. He takes on the responsibility of being a provider, of being a protector. Correlation of people with food plays an important role in the show throughout. It also reflects Khushi's unconscious feelings about that person. For now, Arnav has made a spot in her heart for himself without intending to and Khushi has willingly given him that space just for the ruckus he's caused. With Payal's clarification of her being upset at a partner like Abhishek, Khushi isn't doesn't necessarily blame Arnav either this point forward. She blames herself for taking on the responsibility and leaving without informing others. This is a streak within Khushi where her insecurities of being overtly impulsive rise. Later she doesn't blame Arnav for misunderstanding Shyam and her. She blames herself for not sharing the information with him.

In contrast to the scene between the sisters, we finally see the brothers interact with one another. Clearly there is a comfort level between the two and an easy, playful, camaraderie. We see Arnav yelling at someone for minor mistakes and it's established Arnav striving for perfectionism is reflective of his need for control at all times.

I love how Akash after sharing about the photographer stopping the shoot says "aab toh usse koi nahi bacha sakta" and the scene cuts to Khushi saying she has her Devi Mayyian. Devi Mayyian does protect Khushi from everyone but Arnav, however it's Arnav as Khushi says who eventually ends up needing Devi Mayyian's favourite child to be his saviour when he's kidnapped. It's also him who bows in front of Khushi instead of the other way around.

Roop Suhana Lagta hai is Payal's song. I think with both the sisters' and brothers' scene running parallel, the song provides an insight into what lays the foundation for Payal's relationship alongside Khushi's. After all, Akash ji loses his heart in first sight.

The mother daughter finally unite after Khushi urging Amma to call her, her daughter. I am pretty sure laho peti ho roughly means sucking the life/blood out of someone, and Khushi can often inadvertently become a reason for the Guptas to find themselves exhausted. However all is well when Khushi exercises her right over Garima and Garima admitting the same.

Shashi walks in, into the reunion of mothers and daughters and we get an insight into how wonderfully happy this small family is together. This is in quite contrast to what we will eventually see with Raizadas whose happiness appears to be a facade threatening to break until the arrival of their bahus into their house and the exit of their damad who had been holding everyone together.

Later Khushi gets called out by Shashi as they leave the house and Bua ji back home. Bua ji doubling down on Khushi is a common theme all throughout. As much as she adores her, she also makes sure ti be equally tough on her. I think one of the reason her harshness is more prominent with Khushi is because how obedient Payal is. Payal is the perfect daughter, Guptas could've imagined where as Khushi is chutki, Sanka-devi, a bit spoilt, given leeway to help outside with her father, and allowed to be rude to others on occasion which the youngest of the households get the reigns to be. Garima allowing Khushi to run her mouth with kaka ji later gives us a peek into that. I absolutely love that!

We finally meet the deva-esque photographer who clearly has no idea who he is dealing with however the way few people talk to Arnav despite how he forces people to perceive him shows us that Arnav is indeed someone new to the industry whose been fortunate enough to get amazing success. If ASR is really who he lets us believe he is, there wouldn't have been payment issues. He would've also fired the person and gotten a replacement in an instant however Arnav settles by humiliating the man working for him.

the photographer here is unhappy with his payment plans.> I think these were suppose to allude to the past that they ended up changing in the narrative later so technically me decoding it is useless. The person who is aware of the entire truth is unhappy with the lack of their truth being acknowledged.

kis kheeth ka gajr hai > how are you so prosperous? the mysterious persona makes a comeback and begs how the Maliks who wronged others. had their children prosper despite being driven out of their homes.

mooli hai, not gajar > mooli or radish’s symbolise quarrel and the former narrative, that the show changed later onwards was about the big quarrel between Chacha ji and Malik Sr. Carrots on the other hand symbolise prosperity and happiness within family. Whatever happened in the past would’ve included facades of happiness but we all know now to some extent that the brothers were quarrelling, the heir to the house was thrown out and ASR is the repersonaification of that spiteful younger Malik son. These interpretations do not matter as much now as they wiped off Shyam’s backstory and Chacha ji later because of fans’ demand to not separate the couple on the wedding day but goddammit what a fruitful foundation they laid! Carrots also symbolise end goal. ASR thinks he’s met the lifelong, he’s put the past away. Now that is far from the truth because the true past comes in form of Khushi. Just when he didn’t expect it, the truth pushes him just like how just as he opened his eyes, Khushi (his happiness) fell into his arms.

jis uchai par mein kada hoon wahan kutton ke bohnkne ke awaz nahi pohonchti > ASR is a rising name of the industry and he's reminding the photographer to not forget how he could potentially change the entire field. I think this is decoding of the tracks being laid out. ASR loses to Khushi, but Arnav wins until Khushi is ready to accept ASR's win. It can indicate how unbothered Arnav is as long as the cost of anything changes into his success.The juxtaposition between wins and loses of ASR and Arnav with Khushi are incredibly important. ASR never falls for Khushi until after Lavanya and after coming back from kidnapping. However, it’s Arnav (Arnav Malik) who falls for Khushi for the first moment, whose love surpasses condition despite laying them.

asli aukat > too many people today have tried telling ASR his aukat today , but really what is his aukat. what was going to be his place in the past?

discount ka kam > Akash's expressions and eyes dart towards Arnav at the term discount being used.

The man doesn't receive a slap, a full palm slap until he brings up Arnav's mother. 50,000 signifies the failing of totality and inability to excel in destiny however the 20 Million for the slaps signify that ultimately, regardless of the past, the duality of forces of love will strengthen Arnav's position enough to be able to make sure that the narrative sways in his favour. the twice 4 zeros are also numbers which hold the spiritual power of bringing soulmates who are twin flames together. And we all know, that with Khushi by Arnav's side, the past that we eventually find out about removes the stain from Garima's reputation and frees Anjali of the man who had been using her as a pawn.

The episodes ends with a relative calling Gotmi Sadan to inform Shashi about the news which is a call picked up by Bua ji. Bua ji saying that yahan toh yeh pora ka pora baghicha khila de rahi adds a perfect layer of how Khushi's encounter with Arnav leads the girls of Gupta house to their eventual rajkummars.

In the market, Khushi has become the talk of the town with people readily able to identify her. An exciting journey awaits us as the next player of this game joins us in the next episode.

#endlessly rewatching ipkknd #ipkknd #ipkknd 10 year rewatch #10 years of IPKKND #arnav singh raizada #arnav and khushi #khushi kumari gupta #iss pyaar ko kya naam doon #iss Pyaar ko #myipkkndrewatch

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lingerlikeastolenkiss · 4 years ago

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literally that's another theory post but this one i want to do a deep analyze between the seasons (1-2-3) and their promo pictures and how it shows and affects the whole plot.

the first one. the promo picture for s1. if we look at the concept of this season, it was an introduction to villanelle and eve and their lives.

eve is looking directly at the camera and villanelle is holding her neck. this looks like the cat-mouse that the plot of season 1 presented. but, look at how both are with clear clothes and eve is looking like a business woman while villanelle is looking like someone rich and spontaneous. that's the vibe. we are introduced to two women that got completely obsessed with each other. back to eve being the one looking at the camera: it shows what we got to see on screen, eve is the one that got this obsession first. she never stopped or doubted anything, in every little scene we could see how eve was desperated to find more about villanelle while to villanelle this was a delicious game. i think eve being the one looking at (us) the camera, means that we were seeing first her development as a mi6 agent that got stuck into the russian assassin she was investigating.

this one is for s2. look now how they are more intimate and closer. the past one, villanelle was behind, now she is face to face with eve and is touching her arm. (the other pictures show more, like eve holding v and v looking at eve's face while eve is looking at the camera). but, well, let's discuss about the dynamic of the s2.

both are in dark clothes, which means that s2 is darker. we can see it by the way things happens between both of them, this time they (directors, writers) wanted to show us the point of view of both of them. like, the ghost plot was a genius thing, it brought them more closer, i don't think the forest scene was just to show villanelle trying to help eve, but it was made to put them together in a way that eve couldn't stay away from villanelle because she was the one that could help her. remember the colors? yes. darker. villanelle is even more mysterious and eve's obsession is becoming something more stronger. like, in the scene that eve just knows villanelle is behind that door by hearing her breath....she knows exactly who villanelle is but she doesn't know her intentions, that's why in this season we see more about villanelle begging for attention and being sarcastic and making a teasing game with eve.

there's the last scene too. i spoke about it too many times but i still think it's the most incredible and well directed and written episode.

see, eve is really interested in villanelle more than she thought. and villanelle still took this a way to manipulate eve. the promo picture describes well the plot of the season 2 as villanelle is slowly bringing eve to her web.

the promo picture for s3. LOOK at how both are looking at each other. their hands (not showed here) are touching. but there's one good point: they're not intertwined. their fingers are only closer and touching but not in a intimate way. which explains a lot about the s3 plot and dynamic.

if you take a look at this season, you will see that there's nothing left from eve and villanelle from both past seasons. they're completely other people. and the colors of their clothes in this picture: eve's dress is more darker than villanelle's. and we see that, the more villanelle gets feelings and is humanised, the more eve is lost and darker.

it's like, in this season villanelle truly find herself and understood who she was. while eve was completely lost trying to figure out things and her feelings about villanelle. in both previous seasons we see that eve is someone who loves being in control and loves to know what's going on, she doesn't let any piece of the puzzle behind. but, there's scenes in s3 that shows how much she doesn't know what's happening. her room is a mess and she doesn't even take care about herself too much. all that she think about is villanelle, it gets more stronger after 3x03. of course, we didn't saw her development, as this season was more focused in side characters and villanelle's life.

but, you see? neither eve and villanelle are looking at the camera, which means that this season was built up to show how they were invested into each other. even when they were away from each other, it showed how intertwined they were. there's scenes too that shows so many red things that comes to the "red thread theory". the red can mean too many things but the color red really can be associated as fire and love, as it can mean blood too.

let's discuss again: the fire meaning. the fire here means the flames they can't stay away because it was created by them. there's always something in villanelle that will burn when she's thinking about eve. and that's the fire: their burning desire and intimate emergency of being together.

the love meaning: in s2's last episode, we saw that villanelle didn't knew what love was. and this changed a lot about her views and eve views too. villanelle was aware that she got to do something about it. and i just see a truly change after their kiss in 3x03. but the real demonstration of love to me was in 3x07 where villanelle calls eve after their meeting on the train station. the way she talks, she is soft and careful, as it shows that she knows eve cares about her. eve is there for her. and she appreciate it and she doesn't want to lose it. the way she just says "we need to stop running into each other like that. it's not good for both of us." shows that she cares about eve's feelings too.

the love here can mean too: self love. but it's from villanelle's pov. she learned to love herself and accepted it. and eve is still lost into what she wants and what she is going to do. but whatever it is, it ends with villanelle. that's why she says that she just see her face over and over again. that's why she asks villanelle to help her make it stop. because she doesn't even know how to deal with herself, so she doesn't if she can deal with villanelle too, but she still want to stay with her.

that's the same with villanelle. the bridge scene conversation represents so much respect and caring. as villanelle is asking eve if she ruined her life and if her monster encouraged her monster. she is asking eve if all that she did made her like that, but none of it was villanelle's fault. as she reply "i think i wanted it too" and that everyone has a monster inside. eve didn't was manipulated by villanelle, she simply wanted all of it.

there's something that i think was good too that is none of them ended up hurting one another again. not in a physical way. because when villanelle says "and we never look back" i can see eve breaking inside. i can see villanelle breaking too. that's why they turned around. they turned because they needed to see if it would hurt not to see each other, but both ended looking at each other. and the promo picture is showed here. do you remember even they're looking at each other and the red thread is keeping them together, there's nothing more intimate? they're not holding each other, they're just keeping each other closer. like if they don't want to let the one leave. like eve doesn't wanted to let villanelle go. like villaneve let eve go by her choice because she learned that love is freedom.

i mean, this season was made up to show both having their own issues, no desire, no obsession, no fights. even when they were shown separated we could see there was something connecting them.

so this was an intention to show they're connected even away. that's why villanelle walk away. that's why eve doesn't want to walk away.

#killing eve #villanelle #villaneve #eve polastri #killing eve theory

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