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askhezureviews · 8 months ago

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Okay so judging by these screenshots for Episode 10. It looks the episode was thankfully rewritten, so that would mean the Millie S-Word scene was scrapped, what do you think?

I held off on answering this yet, and FYI I have not watched this episode yet. However, from my understand and Viv’s confirmation, they have indeed changed this episode. THANK GOD. Like seriously THANK YOU. When I first read those leaks I actually felt sick. I’m so glad someone on the team realized this wasn’t a good idea. I’d say my respect had risen, I am genuinely, genuinely relieved at this. However, it does feel like I’m giving credit for them doing the bare minimum morally correct thing to really do in this situation.

Anyone who tried to defend millie trying to kill herself because she’s a bad wife to moxie - sorry there is no such thing as being a bad wife. (Unless you cheat I guess)

You’re married to someone, you share assets and live together. Any preconceived notions about not being a good “wife” to your husband ? You’re not soft or sweet enough, you don’t clean or cook enough? That’s not an insecurity. That’s internalized misogyny, people.

What’s unusual is Viv’s manipulative way of confirming the leaks are no longer viable, she claimed the leaks were for an “episode that they weren’t making anymore” but what she means to say is that , those leaks were an old draft they decided to change/fix for this current episode. Acting as Vivziepop’s PR manager here to fix this blunder:

“Those leaks are no longer canon. They were early rough drafts for the episode and we decided to change them.”

Or better yet: “Those leaks were early rough drafts, and we decided to change them for several reasons. In the early concept, millie, along with the rest of the cast, is manipulated into almost killing themselves due to their insecurities overwhelming them. We realized that Millie’s insecurity did not make sense due to the fact that her backstory episode has yet to release, on top of it lacking any context or sense based off what was shown of her character thus far. It left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth, so we knew we needed to rewrite this.”

I feel like I’m a teacher grading papers everytime I see one of Viv’s catty twitter posts asdfghjkl again if she had a PR that she’d listen to that would help her convey her words in the right way, she would not have so many haters and would save so much face in terms of her reputation!!!

Again, have not watched this episode yet but from what I hear, it’s possible really good things. Like Millie’s backstory maybe.

Brandon Rogers apparently came back to write this episode. There was an Instagram post where he said it was an “honor” to write this episode, when he was involved in writing most of season 1. That just implies he was indeed kicked off the writing team by Viv. I’m telling you guys, if I watch this episode and it’s actually good like I’m hearing, it’s because of Brandon.

This is Brandon’s show, he was the one carrying it until Viv flicked him off, and that’s one of the reasons why season 2 is in shambles as it is.

Regardless, I’m excited and grateful to see him come back. My opinion on the recent episode will be pending until I have the time to watch it.

#helluva boss critical #ask #text post #I’m starting to write my helluva boss season 2 review #just to keep up with all the episodes and be ready to release #when season 2 finally finishes #which will still be a while I think #but we’ll get there

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roxyteal · 8 months ago

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(Jesus Christ it happened again. Mobile decided to not only publish the draft but also not save any of my edits. Pardon me if you see any appear) (Oct 30: Put context about his sobriety in the beginning, as opposed to in the middle out of nowhere.)

Today I am compelled to talk about Joe 5. It may include things I already mentioned in a different post, but those were in the tags so if any of this seems like not new info, sorry about that.

ANYWAY

Joe 5. Also this gets long so bear with me.

Joe 5 (but you can use either Joe or 5) came from a complete set copy of "Joe`s basics joke game". He was relatively fine as a person, with highs and lows. He's a bit of a snark but it's usually lighthearted. He even realized he had a problem and got clean, though... Alcohol still kinda haunts him as a result.

At some point, he and his entourage found the Webspace. On that day, they were among two others - a copy of Denied's Basics (the 10th apparently), and the 82nd Dave, who was a rogue for some reason.

Things were alright until it was mentioned that there was a pre-existing Joe and company around, and whether or not they'd like to merge with him, and so on. 5 thought that was weird as Hell and said no. But his companions said yes.

This resulted in 5 distancing from them since they're "not my friends anymore", and "I don't even know them anymore". And from then on, he resented the idea of merging, and that damned "Joe 1" for being so Goddamn happy. What's he all smiley about, he thought. The fucker.

But at least he still had his school. His empty, ghost town of a school. He quickly realized he couldn't live alone in that so he started staying in a tiny apartment, which quickly became a mess because of his plummeting self-worth. If only he'd just gone with everyone else, this could've been avoided, he also thought. It's his punishment for going against the grain. Being different. Maybe even "defective". Well shit, let's be defective. Why not.

He would have his code and model changed so that his hair would grow naturally. Somewhere in his reasons for this was needing to feel responsible for something, so he wouldn't completely fall apart. And maybe having it would make him feel better, whether about himself, in general, or both. He recalled that he considered asking his player about it in the past, but never got the nerve. Better late than never, he tried to rationalize. That's what people say to forgive themselves, right?

But the shoulder-length he requested (and wavy to boot, he didn't realize he had that...) spiraled out of control and now reaches his waist. Of course he couldn't keep up the end of the deal he put upon himself. It really needs the trim, but he couldn't be assed to try, and it disgusts him. The only good thing was how it never tangled. Game magic shit or whatever. But regardless of that, he looked like a cryptid, and he felt like one too.

At this point, his only comforts was TV, eating, and sleeping. He didn't need to do the last two obviously, but it gave him something to do, a distraction. When he ate, he could focus on the taste and nothing else. When he slept, he would stop being able to drown in his thoughts, welcomed instead into nothingness. When he watched TV, it numbed him enough to stop caring.

But even in his lowest moments, he refused to give in to his old addiction of... That. Diving back into it would truly mean the end had come. He'd rather be tortured to the brink before he had a sip again. Even now. Especially now.

He rarely ever left the apartment, kept the lights off, curtains to the balcony closed, and didn't allow visitors. He rarely ever left his bed, in fact. Sometimes he'd lie there and daydream about leaving. To where? Who knows. But this place was so painful to live in because everyone else has it great and he's got nothing so it's like... Just leave. But where?

He'd ponder it. Maybe just go out that tunnel and see where the Internet busses take him. Leave it up to fate. Maybe he'll find a nice little NeoCities domain. That whole area's so fuckin' large, there had to be a place where even 5, a worthless piece of shit, could fit right in! Yeah...

But he never gets out of bed. Out of the apartment. To the entrance tunnel. To the bus stop. To NeoCities. He just lies there, thinking about it. And nothing happens.

One day, he realized he was running out of food. The only reason he'd ever leave his trash heap of an apartment. By this point it was a matter of looking presentable enough to go out into that bright, colorful, vapid world crafted by that... Uh, mask man, and his spooky associates. Or keep staring at the dump that is 5's living space and contemplate if he could live without the sensation of eating. He still had his two other trusty vices, is it okay to lose one?

But, fuck. He loved the instant noodles. The frozen meals. The rice cups he could drizzle a little soy onto. And all the other kinds of convenient, packaged stuff. Goddammit.

So, he stepped around the trash, and next he knew, he was out the door. Fine. Fine. Fine! He'll get so much, he'll never have to come out again!

But as soon as he was outside the building, hair almost encasing his torso like a shroud, something shifted. Today's the day he's going to leave. Yeah. He'll get this done, pack up, make a pitstop to Vincent's or whatever pretentious name that supernatural son of a bitch had, flip off the gaudy building, then head straight for the tunnel. If he had time, he might even egg that fucking place!

This is it! God, it'd been so long since he was excited. Genuinely excited. He wanted to hold onto this forever.

Mood improved, he carried on with his mission. He ignored the other shoppers, checking off everything he picked up from his list. It was one of his first lessons here, because how could anyone remember everything they needed? He sure couldn't.

Things were going fine, until... He bumps into someone. Baldina. And she single-handedly became the craziest thing to happen to him.

He barely recalled the conversation, but it led to her hiring him as an assistant at her school, despite his clear lack of qualifications. It seemed that like Mr. Strobe-bow-skis, she too had plenty of people under her thumb, in numerous positions. A whole network of them.

One of which, 5 got to meet while struggling pitifully with the coffee machine, just seconds away from having a breakdown right then and there. This guy called himself, er, "I'm never"? But one word. Okay sure whatever. And in spite of 5's threatening tones and verbiage, Imnever was patient enough to show him how to use the brewer. Even informed him of how Baldina takes her coffee.

So what's Imnever's story? Oh, he teaches art here. He's more of an animator by trade, but this suited him just fine. Huh. Well, still more impressive than anything 5's ever accomplished.

The three of them became friends. He wasn't sure how that was possible, but finally he had a reason to go outside more often, instead of stewing in his own suffering for weeks at a time. In fact, slowly that poor excuse of an apartment turned into something a little more decent. It wasn't super tidy, but if Imnever, Baldina, or both wanted to visit, finally 5 could and would allow it.

It got to a point where, one morning, they surprised him with a present. A motorcycle. Apparently the two had taken his daydreaming musings seriously, about how cool it would be to have one. Also, 5 had forgotten what day it was - his birthday.

He cried. He couldn't possibly accept this. He didn't know how to ride it. He'd ruin it or hurt someone. All the classic, self-depreciating excuses he was told he was using.

But, as Imnever said, what you don't know, you fear. Once you do, you don't. Frankly that sounded confusing, and yet, these types of phrases helped him get this far, so... Just accept the damn thing.

The helmet was really cool, but he had so much hair that it wouldn't be able to fit. At long last, he got the trim he had desperately needed; up to just below the shoulders. But Baldina did it for him. Almost ironic, but at this point, who cares?

He forgot how light his head felt after the excess was cut down. It was a nice feeling.

Once he actually tried to overcome that fear of failure and took the chance to learn something, he was surprisingly quick on the uptake. And before long, he was zooming down streets in that badass chopper of his.

Maybe the Webspace isn't actually so horrible. But, thinking that, he reminisced about that day, where he was so sure he was gonna leave this domain behind and start over somewhere else. He slowed to a stop in front of Infinite School or something like that. Hm...

And he gave that treacherous high-rise building the bird, laughing manically as he drove onward. Of course he was going to stick around nowadays, but it still felt right to do. And boy was it worth it.

Life here had finally looked up for 5. Until, well... The demon showed up. But that's a whole other fuckin' story.

#baldis basics #BBAU #WTTW #musings #joe 5 #denied mentioned #dave 82 mentioned #viktor mentioned #baldina #imnever #is this a fanfic? hm... more like a summary #so about dave 82. i think he probably asked viktor + baldina + denied the “cats or dogs” question #later than what the in-character posts seemed. a while later #and joe 5 having long hair... i was inspired. also god i cannot hear his voice in anything other than brandon rogers. help #“so why imnever” idk

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raayllum · 1 year ago

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hey I have some thoughts and theories on season six that I want to post but I feel like they’re kind of in cohesive and all over the place and rambly and I’m not really sure the best way to get them across especially when I’m more of a brainstorm type of personof like 10 different ways something could go I’m not really sure how to organize it or make it comprehensible to the average Tumblr scroller do you have any tips for this? because I want them to get reach cause I do feel like I’m contributing something but sometimes I think what I’m saying makes no sense at all or no one’s going to read all that you know. or, TLDR: Do you have any tips on making meta in general since you seem to be the main producer of it in the fandom ha ha, your input would be invaluable

So I actually did start writing a post a while ago about well, a kind of how to guide for writing meta, but it felt very self-gratuitous so it got semi-banished to the drafts although I still might finish / clean it up and post it someday

That being said your ask does make me realize that your query is not something I had considered going over, approaching it from more of a "here's how to train your brain to notice things that can be fun to write meta about" > organizing said thoughts, so thank you for bringing it to my attention! I hope some of this advice will be useful, and it may even have some overlap with other thoughts I had planned

The most useful way I've found when it comes to meta is treating it like an essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs / sections (and sometimes headers), and a conclusion of some kind when warranted. This means looking for similarities or main ideas with possible consistent threads (i.e. avenues Aaravos' evil plans could go might be split off into branches, each one detailing a different avenue). So that would be my best advice when it comes to organization.

However, most concerns about "not making sense" comes down to thinking through what context you have to provide for your audience to understand what you're discussing, depending on the length and depth of the leap / analysis. Are there any symbols being drawn upon we will want to explain in more detail before theorizing how they relate to the show? Are there any smaller details or scene summaries to include when putting these things together?

For example, when I wrote a meta about Rayla being the metaphorical light to Callum's darkness (pre-S5), I first had to establish why I associated her with light, drawing from visual examples from S1, S2, and S4, as well as the "Dear Callum" letter. Callum's side of things was more straightforward with dialogue in the text. Then I could take it one step further and talk about why this light-dark duality indicates that she will likely save him from possession after possibly leading to the fall in the first place. But I had to go from a bottom-top approach in steadily building the layers rather than starting from the top and working my way down, as for more symbolic matters in particular, that can often be confusing.

Although sometimes more simplistic, consulting the 5 Ws (who, what, where, when, and why) can likewise be useful in meta in terms of 1) tracing where certain ideas are coming from in the text, 2) what is being posited/suggested, and 3) why these things might be conflated, and 4) who might be involved. Obviously meta tends to be more "what" heavy, particularly when its predictive, but it's kinda like explaining why one character might be more involved in one plot line than another, etc. There's going to be a Why to that Who, and those things both combine to form the What (otherwise known as theory or just plain analysis).

And don't be concerned about if people are gonna wanna read it. I find most people in TDP fandom are pretty down to theorize even if they may not necessarily write a lot of it down themselves (and often have cool ideas/contributions too!) and I am the king of making things overly long, yet people muscle through anyway!

That's about it for me without more specifics (a character study vs foil vs theme vs prediction are all kinda different in their own way) but I would love to hear more if you'd like to message me off anon or if you have more thoughts/questions you'd like to leave in my inbox once that's opened back up! Have fun theorizing, have fun writing, always feel free to break longer metas up into smaller bite sized ones as you go, and I look forward to seeing them int the tags!

#writing advice #meta #the english major strikes again

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dcwnthercbbithcle · 1 year ago

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@dollhidden asked for a 'Plot's Please!' for their characters, BUT TUMBLR ATE THE MESSAGE AFTER I TRIED TO SAVE THE DRAFT! Very Sadge!

send me “plots please” and I’ll respond with 3 (or more) interesting plots / relationships / connections I can think of for our muses! | ACCEPTING

HEY LADYBUG!! Happy New Year! How've you been doing? I hope it's been well! I won't lie to you; I went a little hard with these ones, and the major reason I made Doe multi-verse and more inspired by Dead By Daylight was because of you and your muses, or more specifically, wanting to roleplay with you in your verses!! ASDASDSADH

POTENTIAL INTERACTION COMBINATIONS / INTERESTING DYNAMIC IDEAS

Okay, so, straight off the bat, given how long we've been mutual and all the convos we've had, I don't think I really need to spend the time selling you on my muses and explaining their entire deals and instead focus on the many potentially interesting combinations with a couple bits of explanations for them while completely VIBRATING with excitement! ASDHASDHASD

So first, Fíadh, now I THINK I've told you about Fíadh before, but just in case, this is a bun memory moment, let me rewind. In the broadest sense, she is an Inscryption based oc that takes notes from the entity known as Leshy for her background. She's a mix of folklore, classically dark fairy tales, gods that hold humans to the exact bestial nature as all other animals, sacrifice, bloodshed and the brutal beauty of nature. Now, she isn't CONSTRAINED to Inscryption; it's just an important context for understanding both the sort of woman and character that she is! She is my not-so-feral, malevolent, formerly human mountain-dwelling monster that will eat people alive! She's fun and sassy, like a goat, but also an apex predator who knows that about herself.

NOW THIS IN MIND: Fíadh would be FASCINATING to watch and interact with any of the RE: Village muses. Now, this is partially because being confronted with the fact that she's not the most dangerous beast in the woods would be a startling revelation. But also, more like her but not like her, ones that left their humanity behind, who gave it up for 'family' and duty in exchange for this feeling of belonging and love.

Especially Lady D or any of the daughters, because, like, Fíadh isn't feral feral but she is so unacquainted with 'proper' 1910s+ manners that I think it would be funny for the girls to have a 'WHY IS SHE ALLOWED TO DO IT?' and Lady D having a minor coronary because HER HOUSE, her nice, clean house is getting HOOF PRINTS PUT EVERYWHERE AND SNOW!! NO YOU GIRLS CAN'T KEEP HER!!

NOW SALLY, SALLY, MY BELOVED, my mean ghost lady who will adopt 90% of your muses. You know Sally, I don't need to explain Sally but like, hear me out:

Sally adopts Rosie inside the fog or in Sally's post-fog AU. Now, in the fog, the AU is pretty obvious, the Entity is feeding on the tragedy that's befallen everyone's favorite mold baby and the lycan monsters that have hunted her father in his endless quest to rescue her.

BUT POST-FOG AU?? Rosie is in recovery from the events of the DLC that have had an obviously traumatizing effect on her. Sally, who herself has been a victim to very similar circumstances in the fog both BEING the murder ghost and being eternally tormented and torn apart by the ghosts of her patients reaching out for help, is trying to take her underwing and help her step forward in a way that Best DadTM Chris can't fully help because he's never lived through a hell comparable to them.

Also, Sally and Ellie <3. Ellie reminds her so much of a boy (Frank) she used to be the social worker in charge of, per her modern-ish AU. Being driven both by guilt and the ghost (metaphorical) of the little boy, she failed to stop from slipping through the cracks to go full in on trying to correct and model healthiness for her when she isn't healthy at all.

AND DOOOOOOE, oh my god, where could I even begin to start with Doe?? She's my ghost girl, but less murder and anger and hatred and more depression and confusion and fear!! Please DM me for more information about her and the card so I don't completely spam and overwhelm this meme! We can do so many non-DBD AU things with her, though!!

Your Until Dawn muses, for instance, she is a PERFECT character to interact with any and or all of them within either the events of the game's narrative or in a kind of aftermath 'revisiting the old trauma and confronting it' AU.

HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE MUSES??? It's more of a stretch to insert Doe into that Universe, BUT HELLO!!! Ghost ladies who die miserable deaths throughout their lives NEED to stick together! Let Doe, my strange little creature, go in there and befriend the other ghosties.

THE LAST OF US TOO! Doe is usually depicted as dead for obvious reasons per her narrative, but I am SO OPEN to a living Last of Us / Apocalypse-style AU! It would be hilarious to see her little quiet spitfire self with Tess or any other girls her age!

PLOTS

OKAY, THERE ARE A LOT, AND I DON'T WANT TO SUBJECT YOU TO AN EVEN LONGER TEXT WALL, SO I'll LIMIT MYSELF TO ONE TERM THREAD IDEA, message me though!!! because I had ones for ALL of the ones I mentioned above and I am more than willing to elaborate in the dms or on my discord!

Fíadh and the Dimitrescu sisters!!! I know I said Alcina may be one of the most interesting because she fully stands above Fíadh's height, even with Fiadh's horns, and has the most extreme personality differences but HEAR me out!!

Let's set the stage: it's a standard pre-Ethan Winters storming in after baby Rosie, while Mother Miranda is still doing her plotting to bring back her daughter after the 'failures' of the lords and the Lycanthropes start to overrun villages left, right and center while the experiments continue.

The Lycan has worked well, or rather a tad too well, in driving away most life from the isolated, crumbling eastern European mountainsides that used to encompass the formerly expansive kingdom under Mother Miranda's reign. Except for Fíadh, the Lycans have proved to be largely pests for many of the other lords, especially Alcina, who is now finding difficulty in securing new, continuous virgin blood sources for her wines. They have DRAWN Fíadh closer and closer to the village boundaries.

You see, Fíadh is a being of the hunt and bloodlust by extension; she craves a challenge in her own domain to make the act of her feedings (entirely exsanguinating a being and drinking all of the blood from them while leaving most flesh untouched in a semi-vampiric fashion) less of a chore and more of an enriching exercise of cleverness, trickery and/or brute strength.

Humans are clever, so they often make appetizing prey in terms of entertainment, albeit frustrating and not physically enriching. They'll sometimes bypass her entirely, paying tribute to her leader so she cannot harm them, or, in the foolish case, will require a bit of disguise and environmental manipulation to trap them before they can leave her domain and thus enter into the blessed domains of maintained towns or past running water where she can't follow, but physically? No challenge; they are far smaller & far, far weaker. It takes little for her to tear them asunder, and the fun ends when she isn't following and plotting how to trap them like hares.

BUT THESE LYCANS? They are a HUNT for her in all aspects, fueling the bloodlust more than the limited game of unmutated humans. Many Lycans are smart enough to see the massive 7ft+ woman with goat horns and run, but not intelligent enough to remember how their previous unmutated human selves warded her away or escaped her pursuit. Instead, they will group up, stand and charge, and physically? This is a major threat, especially if they bring out their leaders or the most mutated. They stand a chance against her physically; she can't simply trap and run them down.

She has to remain clever, pick them away from each other and prepare for a real fight with the chance of her being HURT. Which is fun! It's a REAL hunt that she often craves but can't get from human prey. Combined with their blood functioning to feed and sustain her, just as the blood of any other humans can, without much in the way of brutal side effects other than it tasting less palatable to her. She is hooked on this new game and will follow the food source back to the source, expanding her territory in the forest as there is less of a need to remain at the high peaks of the mountains.

Which brings her directly toward and through the domain of Castle Dimitrescu and Alcinia. Their neck of the woods overlaps significantly with Fíadh's range, and with Fíadh's boldness expanding, the chances of them running into each other only grow while he ventures further for her hunts. But it's not a matter of inherent hostility. Fíadh isn't a creature that is murder on sight; she's often benign until she considers you food or an annoyance.

So, I have some ideas of where it could go from there!

MUTUAL CURIOUSITY, similar to introducing two cats from opposite sides of a window. Intense winter weather would deliberately keep the girls separated and isolated, allowing Fíadh to become familiarized with the sight and presumed roles of the girls within the castle. Perhaps they're curious enough to release Moroaicǎ from the dungeonous cellars and crypts of the castles or shoo Samcă from the uppermost areas of the castle. Providing her game and fun and forming a kind of rapport between the girls until the spring and summer warming could allow them to interact physically.

MAYBE THEY DECIDE TO HUNT EACH OTHER A LITTLE BIT, perhaps when the girls finally come into contact with Fíadh, who, to that point, has come to view and respect their place as residents in the area and thus 'not to be messed with' they decide to test her, just as anyone would a new toy. Trying to push the boundaries to see how much they can get away with, how long until she fights back against them, and eventually how much it takes until she breaks, given the girls have never been too great at preserving their toys. However, to the girl's delight and perhaps frustration, Fíadh doesn't break and die. Not like the humans they usually gain as staff and toys from Alcina. Something, something the curse, something, something being a supernatural creature, it's neither here nor there. In any case, the girls would eventually need a mutual cease-fire as once aggravated, Fíadh is BRUTAL and won't let up. Fíadh heals fast as long as she has blood, and between her size, the girls would have trouble attempting to overwhelm her, especially compared to a person like Ethan. She's a big target that would force them to attempt at their human forms, which, given her size advantage, would result in blows for Fíadh, but not enough to take her down.

Either way, they're separated; Fíadh is licking her wounds but recognizing well that the girls aren't to be hunted and instead wholly respected, not just cause they live there but because they put up a good fight and can hold her off well enough.

From there, things could either go down as an enemies-to-friends route, rather standardly. Perhaps the girl would delight in watching Fíadh hunt and feed in her own way. Maybe they want all the flesh left over from one of her kills, and they have a slow burn warming up to each other in that way. OR OR we could go with one of your ideas of Cass finding a hunting buddy who is willing to follow her in the sadistic hunts.

OR OR OR we could go an entirely different direction!! I'm open to any suggestions!!

But I will give you this image to play with: it's early spring, it's warming, but the temperatures at night still dip down dangerously low for the girls. But stir craziness is what it is, even in an estate as large as the Dimitrescu's. They're released for fun during the day under a strict curfew for their own safety, all return... but where's Daniela? Fuuuuck, she's being irresponsible again. All staff are being sent out en mass looking for her. The other girls are panicked & angry, but largely out of concern for Daniela. There doesn't seem to be much sign of her, could she lost?? It gets colder, but a stranger approaches the castle on a mission. It's Fíadh, and she has something massive wrapped up tightly in her arisaid and held to her furred and insulated chest. It's Daniela, burrito'd, warm and toasty, but now the Dimitrescu's are indebted to a fairy. (maybe, not actually; Fíadh isn't out for prices; the hilarity of Daniela getting stranded and needing to be wrapped up and returned home is enough payment)

RELATIONSHIPS + CONNECTIONS

Now, HEAR ME OUT: I love romance, and I could definitely see something that could develop with Fíadh and your RE: Village muses, most especially Cass, but I would not brush anyone out of possibilities. And same for Doe and either you Until Dawn or TLOU muses, though I will warn you, there is no happy endings with that gay ghost girl! Haha

In terms of non-romance though, FRIENDS!!! I love friends and I love enemies!! I am open and happy to do all of it, including slow burns that go from enemies to friends to enemies again! Relationships are MESSY but so am I! Haha

Also Sally would kill, murder and maim for Rosie, Ellie or little Sarah. Do you want to see why they feared her so terribly as the nurse?? Cause if you mess with the girlies, SHE WILL SHOW YOU AND THEN SOME! Haha

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whenthechickencry · 1 year ago

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Umineko EP5. Replay Part 4

I think this is the first console animation I really like, I think a lot of the other ones look kind of cheap and make the screen look busy. But her sword animation's pretty cool.

Ok yeah, Battler is going along with exposing her life but doesn't appreciate how everyone is trying to drag her through the mud, it seems. The fight beforehand had some cool music and moments I just didn't comment on it much bc a lot was defining of the mystery rules which, well, we already know the answer.

Haha.... Beatrice realizes Battler is going to fight for the illusion of the witch :).

....white horse haha. The white horse discussion being brought back again when Battler starts arguing for the witch side again is a neat detail, he's finally trying to understand Beatrice for real.

You could also argue that the fact Natsuhi has been noted to clean thoroughly to check for mistakes was foreshadowed all the way back on episode 2! Also the way people describe Dlanor as heartless, a doll, etc kind of makes me sad lol. They obviously don't have full context but she's anything but that.

Uh, I didn't save the draft properly so a bunch of screens got lost and so I will just summarize my thoughts on the following scenes rather quickly. The scene of Battler and Dlanor in the garden is really nice, it is obviously Battler kind of navigating through his more complex thoughts about magic he has gotten recently through learning Dlanor has her own conflicted view of magic, and I think the way he isn't hostile to Dlanor and instead assures her that what is in her heart matters is showing the growth Battler has done in understanding under. This scene generally sets the mood for how we should view magic for the rest of the answers arc. Dlanor then teases that Battler was let win, which brings me to the next subject, Erika. Erika was given some verbal abuse by LambdaBern because of losing (despite the fact she was made to lose, intentionally, by the people berating her) and so Erika goes on to abuse her subordinates in retaliation, which I think really does go on to show Erika is someone that can be empathized with. So much of the cast are people who throw their own abuse and frustrations into the others, and Erika also does this. It is kind of sad to me when the game remarks how she can't see love, how can she see love when it has never been afforded to her? I wasn't a particularly big fan of her at first reading, but it's hard to not read her as someone desperate for the approval of someone who was never gonna give it to her and so she lashes out to others. The game even directly points out Bernkastel is like a mother to her before she gets abused.

The letter mystery is discussed a lot, and Erika has some pretty good theories, I really like the hidden below the food tray one particularly, but obviously, since the event never happened it can get struck down. They end up concluding no one outside and no one inside could have made a knock, so if no one could have done that, it just did not happen. Lambdadelta fucks with Erika some more despite the fact she also doesn't really seem to have a clue. And Erika once again becomes desperate and decides to get revenge on Battler this time.

So she just kind of rants at everyone about how Batler didn't actually jump and just crawled, no one really cares bc they imagined it was a trick and it doesn't really matter and are just really confused at Erika zeroing at this. Bernkastel then LITERALLY tries to strike down Erika with thunder and Erika is so desperate for approval she assume this is a sign of approval from Bern.... someone save this girl.

Virgilia pops in at... inboard meta and confirms that the corpses were dragged somewhere they describe as "connected to the world but that no one can get to" which I think is a hint that Kuwadaorian, and Erika can't reasonably go there. Virgilia drops some truths about how no one would mistake their corpses from sight, which is true as they weren't corpses yet and once they became corpses no one can mistake them. They also make it really clear that Board-Beato and Meta-Beato are different people, and while this Board Beatrice is obviously not being played by Sayo bc Sayo does want to corner Natsuhi, I think this is also hammering in that Sayo in this board has different motivations than the other Sayos. Obviously that doesn't mean you can just dismiss them as another being entirely, though. Sayo's bitterness at Natsuhi can be seen in other fragments, it's just Sayo's motivations being written by someone with a different view of her.

Natsuhi did some good acting tbh she played the character of exasperated Natsuhi in order to run off the room perfectly. Battler going out of his way to point out she should close the door is weird, might be his way of sympathizing and trying to get Natsuhi to not fall into the trap. Also.... what the fuck Natsuhi? That's an awful punishment, obviously I think the goal in this episode is a bit more revenge than repentance, but Sayo in general seems to place accepting your sins as something important, so I wouldn't be surprised if that was part of the assignment, especially since it's perfectly possible Shannon got told this from Jessica at some point.

The "Did Shannon do this?" is kind of funny because the answer is like, yes but not because the reason you figured Natsuhi lol Sayo just placed 4 cards in your room, doubt she even remembers that. Also, her narrative about how she's ungrateful is sad when the only reason Natsuhi can hold on to her wealth is Sayo deciding to let her. Natsuhi points out that Hideyoshi going to the room is unpredictable therefore obvi not part of the plan.... obviously when it's obvious that him being there IS the plan you should suspect Hideyoshi of being in the plan. The scene is obviously very scripted in general, with Eva jumping in to hear Hideyoshi's last word and the murder being completed + Eva showing up so fast that Natsuhi didn't get to steel herself to leave the closet.

It's kind of funny how much they seem to be fucking with Erika as much as with Natsuhi.... they ask her to carry the corpse and she is like idc about corpses and then they take the corpse, letting Erika seal her own demise. Granted Erika would fuck everything up for them and they can't bribe her so, yknow, makes sense. Considering the public spat Jessica and Erika had I can imagine this is how they convinced her to do a fake murder plan, tell her it was to see Erika fuck it up. Erika tries to open the closet, but gets stopped by Battler because her seeing the fake Hideyoshi corpse was probably too big a risk. Erika is really earnest about Natsuhi being the culprit... girlfail....

This scene between Virgilia and Beatrice in the Golden Land is very interesting. Virgilia points out that Bern and Lambda were brought to end the deadlock of Battler being unable to understand Beatrice, and like I have said Lambdadelta has indeed been dropping a million hints! They broke the deadlock by forcing Battler to consider how important Beatrice is to him and how much she wanted to be understood by him.... after he nearly killed her. Beatrice being described as being in purgatory is calling back to the time time Battler forgot her too. She was obviously not in heaven, Battler never came with a white horse to save her. But she wasn't allowed to be in hell and accept that Battler just didn't give a shit because Battler never confirmed that himself. She was stuck in that painful feeling where you know keeping hope is lying to yourself but not lying to yourself feels like betraying someone you love.

Everyone introduces themselves - bringing attention to how the cast has increased so much since the original 18. Bernkastel points out that Natsuhi is the bullied kid in every fragment which is pretty much true, the manga has Beato point this out in EP8, too. The irony of Beatrice is tasked with defending Natsuhi when Sayo holds a particular bitterness towards Natsuhi has been going through my mind during this episode. Battler struggles a bit with how the truth is very fragile in Rokkenjima, and I think that he's beginning to understand Sayo *wanted* a catbox.

Bernkastel calling Beato sub-human..., ouch. There's a lot of talk about how Erika has to do this because a human, not a witch, has to solve this... but it's kind of funny to me. Erika is a fictional being with many powers not afforded to humans. She's not a witch but I wouldn't call her human either.

Erika first drops her seals, it's interesting to me they are hand-me-downs from Eva. Kinda makes me interested in seeing Eva and Erika interact more. The going-down-the-list effect is cool too.... if I remember correctly they 'deny' all of them despite the fact one of them is obviously the right answer, I think on replay you can see the "never stop thinking" philosophy a lot during the answer arcs.

"Is it not possible that they were actually just playing dead" was knocked off with the red truth "These give really are dead" but notoriously the time is not mentioned in this red truth despite the fact it is being discussed heavily otherwise. Only the fact that that they were alive at 24:00 was discussed. You can tell they are giving Beatrice a hard time and letting Erika off easy though - confirming alibis like that without real proof is huge. And the more red truth that gets confirmed the harder it is for the Witch Side to be able to move about. Erika gets kids gloves a lot which is something she will realize and try to rectify at the end of EP6 i think.

Battler understands that Beato was helping him a lot now! Aaa, that makes me very happy. He mentions "She responded to almost all of them (red truths), giving me quite a few hints" The description of Erika listening to the room the entire night is kind of interesting, yeah proves her point Battler didn't do shit but the fact she heard nothing in that entire time is a clue that a murder absolutely did not take place. Erika kinda jumps into "the murder must have occurred between 12-3" as a response to this. This is where her whole theory fails as she doesn't consider that the murder didn't even take place.

This being the first completely fake murder is pretty interesting. If any murder HAD occurred Erika would 100% have caught them on the act. Lambdadelta probably figured Bernkastel would play aggressive detective and built her game around that.

The description of Erika creating the plot line is interesting. It shows how she makes up a theory in her head she will absolutely refuse to move from it and will continue with it to the end. It works right now because LambdaBern are giving her a lot of help... but, her theory is based on many false assumptions, and on replay it's kind of fascinating how from step one you can tell how all of these re wrong when they felt so suffocating when you first read this part.

"Even if Erika has accused Aunt Natsuhi of being the culprit, ...and even if everyone else here believes that, ...that's exactly why I want to be the one person who trusts her..!" Battler is kind of sweet when he's being kind of delusional like this haha reminds me of when he was denying Kanon culprit theory on ep2. Of course, he's right here and he was only kind of right in ep2. But it's more based on his desire to defend the small dog than it is on any actual proof or anything. But still, it's not a purely negative trait. And he's going to realize that "Even if everyone else here believes that" will apply to Beatrice soon, too.

Do you want to create a catbox, Battler? Are you understanding what led Sayo to create one? Having no answer is better than a heartless one, isn't it.

Natsuhi is given the opportunity to accuse Krauss and she obviously doesn't take it. She talks about how no one can damage her honor with fiction. It's kind of sad she mostly uses her incredible resilience and power to hold to her position mostly to defend people who do not care about her, but I still can't help but find this trait of her impressive. If she was able to use it for other stuff.....

"Truth can only be found in the gap between those who doubt and those who believe...!!" are echoing Battler's thoughts 5 minutes ago, ofc, but they also serve to highlight what Beatrice has always wanted. She doesn't want you to deny the witch illusion but also doesn't want you to accept it uncritically. She wants you to see what is hidden behind her and accept the person behind the illusion.

Kinzo kidnapped a woman, called her useless for being infertile, and forced her to adopt a child she didn't want.... and in that entire time he never once deemed her worthy of his gaze. I fucking hate Kinzo.

They show everyone's faces when Eva is eating the shit out of Natsuhi and Kanon looks so like... kind of smug lmfao. Clearly enjoying that their plan to torture Natsuhi worked.

Lambdadelta knows the truth, of course. She also taunts Beato about how she isn't able to defend herself once she get fed to the goats.... Lambda might be doing a lot to make Lambda's dream possible but she isn't about to save her. She has no tolerance for people who don't do the work themselves. Dlanor stops the Beatrice execution and then plays the role of looking annoyed and condescending to Battler. Dlanor mentioned earlier how her heart doesn't matter because she does awful things anyway but in this case, her heart gave Battler another chance

Huh.... the TIP for Dlanor's Red Key mentions that "In this world, Senator Lamdadelta has placed restrictions on its use and power." The idea Dlanor can just say anything in red she pleases in any other world is kind of op! No wonder she's a death sentence. Battler is fighting Erika by trying to argue about the seals, this serves to feed the player a bunch of reds in order to have no delusions of breaking them. Battler's on the right track that he has to attack the fundamentals of Erika's theory, but he's not getting to the right thing to attack, yet. I'm going to kill you Battler you just made me cry again... her cackling sound so sad and frenzied..... god damn it Battler. She is so fucked up.... the voice acting here is so sad.

Battler realizing he's failing Beatrice, finally, starts to frantically throw out shitty theories. You uh, kind of killed Beatrice with that once already but I appreciate the effort at least. It is extremely funny, I say it's funny as I am crying, but: Dlanor has barely said a word to refute any of Battler's arguments besides pointing out the Knox Rules. He's just getting hit with "your theories are too stupid to be put in a mystery" over and over.

He's right here though! They weren't mistaken, they were correct and lying! Natsuhi didn't check the corpses so this is still true, she's the one person who isn't on the plan besides Erika.

My heart is broken into many pieces.

Beatrice talks about the fragility of truth a lot during this episode, this was first brought to the story by Ange, actually, but obviously it's a big part of Sayo's character. She understood this fragility when creating the catbox. It can sometimes be empowering for her when ie she's using Beatrice as a power fantasy but also can deeply hurt her when she starts thinking that dying with a 'happy lie' is better than living a harsh truth.

#umiepisode5 #umineko

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masschase · 2 years ago

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Rowvember Day 7: Attractive

I could have done a few things with this prompt, but honestly? I wanted to talk about a section of Out of Time that's one of my absolute favourite scenes ever. It's the beginning/end sections of Chapter 14: Smashed(non-smut chapter but only the beginning and end will make sense out of context), which refers to both the slang for drunk and illusions being shattered.

I remember writing it around this time this year. It was definitely November, because it's set on Christmas Eve, and I remember that being the following month and then when it was actually Christmas I was reading it back and smiling to myself.

I never intended Matt and Casey to be super close before the events of my fic, not in the first draft. But the more I started writing these little excerpts of their life in the two years after SRIV, the closer they became as friends. I began to see the fanfic concept as way more than 'meddling with the past changing things' and way more about a deep requited love that Casey doesn't admit to herself is there and Matt doesn't know is requited.

I also didn't intend for them to have had anything definitively non-platonic happen between them except for the one off "romance" during SRIV. But this scene was pivotal for establishing that Casey switches from being almost completely clueless about her feelings to actively in denial.

To summarise the setting, the Saints have been watching Christmas movies and drinking. The final few have just gone to bed aside from Matt and Casey who are side-by-side in one of the egg chairs, and Kinzie who's passed out in one.

They have their usual banter and decide since they didn't manage to sneak away for Nyte Blayde night as planned (Christmas Eve 2021 was a Friday) they'll watch it on the projector instead of the couch. Casey decides to go back to the couch to get her Christmas pyjamas and a bag of chips she's been saving there.

She changes at the couch, but is surprised by what she finds in the wall above it, pulling the item out. At first when she returns, Matt is focused on a combination of getting Nyte Blayde to work and slightly making fun of the ridiculous outfit.

“Wait, stop trying to distract me and answer my question.” she reminded him, waving the offending item. He seemed to look properly this time. “Oh that...” he looked at her curiously. “I think it’s mistletoe. Do you um... need that one explained?” he asked, sounding amused. “Do I need the custom explained? No; Shaundi told me. Do I wanna know what it’s doing above our couch? Fuckin’ yes.” she clarified. His nonchalance to this whole thing was starting to bother her. He frowned. “Oh so it’s OUR couch now but when it needs all the crisp and popcorn crumbs cleaned out, suddenly it’s MY couch.” he said with a smirk, still evading the question. “Matt, why did you put this where we were gonna sit tonight?” she rephrased, done with his distractions. “What? I didn’t!” he protested. “...What?” He laughed. “You think I put it there?” “Well yeah... I guess I... assumed...” He shook his head at her. “Don’t you think if that were the case I’d have insisted on us watching there?” he asked, almost suggestively. He had a point. “Huh.” she replied thoughtfully, returning to sit beside him. “You know, there are free chairs now...” he said gently. “Although...” his hand brushed against the side of her thigh lightly. “You’re very soft...” She ignored him, looking down at the mistletoe in her hands. “Who d’ya think put this above our couch?” “I presume... one of the others messing about.”. He shrugged. “Does it matter?” “Uh... I guess not.” she replied, turning it over in thoughtfully, wondering for the first time how the rest of the gang might perceive their Friday nights together. “You’re sure it wasn’t you?” she asked again. There was a pause. “Why, did you want it to be me?” she heard him tease. “Shut up.” she smirked, looking over at him. His face was softened by the glow of the Christmas lights and the fireplace. His blue eyes sparkled through the haze of eggnog and mulled wine and brandy. Fuck. Her smirk fell right off her face. “Are you alright?” he asked gently, his expression turning from playful to mildly concerned. It was the booze right? It had to be the booze, and the lights, and the festive cheer or some shit. She knew objectively that her Matty was hot, or she wouldn’t have fucked him that one time. But he had no right looking all... beautiful like that. “Matty... I uh...” she heard her words slip out, disembodied. If there was an end to that sentence, she certainly didn’t know what it was. She picked up the mistletoe and held it above her head, smirking at him like it was some sort of challenge. God, what was she doing? His eyebrows raised in alarm. Then he smiled, drew closer and placed a kiss on her cheek, but he hovered there for a very long moment. Curious. Unsatisfied. “EWW!” she suddenly heard Kinzie shout, making them both jump. Her arm dropped back to her side as she peered forward for her, but it seemed she was still in her own chair. “You two let me watch Nyte Blayde? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

So yeah, this is the night Casey kind of realises she's very attracted to Matt, which turns into the wanting to fuck him again at New Years, though that actually becomes a very bittersweet kiss instead. From there they have other near misses, until the fanfic begins and kind of drags her feelings out in a few different ways.

That mistletoe and the resultant spacesuit left on the couch caused all sorts of problems on Christmas Day, believe me!

As for who planted the mistletoe... well that might just come up on a different day 🤭

#saints row #matt miller #sr boss: casey clark #post-sriv #rowvember #rowvember 2023 #masschase rowvember tag

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caseconverterofficial · 27 days ago

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Top 3 Free Aesthetic Generators You Should Try

Coming up with fresh ideas sucks when you’re stuck. I’ve been there. You scroll for hours and still end up with nothing. That’s why I use random aesthetic generators. One click. Boom, instant theme. It’s fast. It’s simple. And yeah, it actually works.

I’ve tried a bunch of them, but most are junk. Too many ads. Too much noise. So I picked the 3 best free ones that are clean and easy to use. No logins. No learning curve.

In this post, I’ll show you the tools I use, what they’re good for, and how to get the most out of them. If you’re a designer, writer, or content creator, you’ll want these saved.

Let’s get into it.

Why Use an Aesthetic Generator?

Sometimes, you just need a push. That's where aesthetic generators help. They give you random themes in one click.

I use them when I'm stuck or just want to try something new. You don't have to think too hard. Just hit the button and start building around the result.

These tools are useful for:

Planning a moldboard

Picking a theme for a story or blog

Creating a new look for Instagram

Finding color and style ideas for design

If you're into art, writing, design, or content creation, this stuff saves time. You'll find ideas you wouldn't have thought of on your own.

No signups. No tools to learn. Just fast ideas that work.

Let's check out the tools.

1. CaseConverter's Random Aesthetic Generator

This Random Aesthetic Generator is clean and dead simple. No clutter. No ads. Just one button that gives you a random aesthetic name every time you click.

The layout is plain, which I like. You get one result at a time. Hit "Generate" again, and it gives you a new one.

There's also a copy button, so you can save any theme you like without typing it out.

What I Like:

Loads fast

Clean design

No distractions

Best For:

Writers, designers, or anyone who wants quick, no-nonsense prompts.

Next, let's check out one that gives you more ideas in one go.

2. CodeBeautify Random Aesthetic Generator

This one's for when you want more options fast. You can choose how many results you want, up to 20 in one click. No need to refresh or click again and again.

The design is basic, but it works. It spits out a list of aesthetic names. That's it. Just a stack of ideas you can scroll through.

This tool is great when I want to scan a bunch of styles and see what clicks.

What I like:

Bulk generation

Simple to use

No ads or popups

Best For:

Anyone who wants to brainstorm fast. Ideal for moodboards, content planning, or creative drafts.

The last tool gives you more depth in the themes. Let's check it out.

3. Perchance Random Aesthetic Generator

This one goes deeper than the others. It doesn't just give you a name. It gives you a full vibe.

Each click gives you a themed output with mood, setting, and extra context. You might get something like "a soft pastel world filled with vintage tech and calm energy." That's more than just a label. It's a full creative prompt.

The layout looks plain, but the results feel more thought-out. if you're a writer or someone who builds stories, this one's gold.

What I Like:

Rich descriptions

More than just random words

Good for visualizing scenes or characters

Best For:

Writers, moodboard creators, or anyone who wants a full theme, not just a label.

Now let's compare them side by side.

How to Use Aesthetic Prompts in Real Projects

Getting a good prompt is just the start. You need to turn it into something useful. Here’s how I use these aesthetic ideas in actual work:

1. MoodboardsI grab a theme, then build a quick moodboard in Canva or Pinterest. It helps lock in the style before I start designing.

2. Writing ProjectsFor stories, I use a prompt to shape the setting, character vibe, or tone. It helps when I need a “look” for a scene.

3. Social Media ThemesI pick one aesthetic and apply it to all my posts—fonts, colors, and layout. It makes the feed look clean and planned.

4. Design or BrandingThese prompts work well for logos, websites, and personal brands. I use the themes to test out new visual directions.

You don’t need to overthink it. Pick a style. Build around it. That’s it.

Tips to Get the Most Out of Random Generators

Don’t just click once and leave. These tools work better when you use them right. Here’s what I do to squeeze more value out of them:

Use more than one tool: Each one gives different results. I often run the same prompt through all three and compare what comes up.

Save what stands out: I keep a simple doc or note on my phone. If a theme clicks, I copy it right away. Don’t trust your memory.

Mix and match styles: Some of the best ideas come from combining two random themes. Like “gothic cottagecore” or “pastel cyberpunk.”

Visualize the prompt: Try to picture it in your head. What colors? What shapes? What mood? That mental image helps you use it better.

Keep a running list: Build your own aesthetic library. Over time, it becomes your go-to source when you hit a creative block.

Final Thoughts

You don’t need to sit around waiting for inspiration. These aesthetic generators make it easy to get started. One click and you’ve got a new theme to work with.

I use them all the time, whether I’m building a moodboard, writing something new, or planning content. They help me break the blank-page problem fast.

The tools are free, simple, and take zero effort to use. So bookmark them. Test each one. See which fits your style.

And next time you’re stuck, don’t overthink it. Just hit generate and go.

#writing aesthetic #aesthetic #aesthetic text

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d00medbythenarrative · 5 months ago

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This is a rant I wrote the other day and saved as a draft I'm posting to give context. This is why I'm pissed at her. Also I didn't get almost any sleep tonight because of her and my sleep is sacred. No one messes with my sleep.

Yesterday rent:

I really don't like my new roommate. I just don't, I'm sorry but uhh she pisses me off. And it's so rare for me to dislike a person so much but goddammit idk how to live with her.

It's just small things but they add up and yeah she just pisses me off.

First of all, I don't want to sound like a creep but she doesn’t even take five minutes in the shower. NOT EVEN FIVE MINUTES OKAY? bitch do u even have time to get wet? Or like brush your teeth? You know dentist recommend to brush your teeth at least for three minutes twice a day right? And unless she for some reason manages to shower every time I'm not at the dorm I don't think she's listening to the dentists.

And again not to sound like a creep but the only thing she takes to the shower is a towel???? And like I showed her there's an empty shelf where she can keep her things there's nothing there. She has a hand soap, that's all.

Like she's a bit stinky I'm not gonna lie. Old sweat kind of smell. I'm not gonna say anything to her cus I don't want to be rude or offend her but baby you're twenty something u should know how to take care of yourself.

Maybe she's shy and doesn't want to share a shower idk. But come on you share a space with someone come on.

And I left the dormroom on Friday and came back late Monday evening and she has been here since Sunday. Baby girl have u not noticed the floor is filthy??? Is it hard to sweep? You have been here all the time I haven't and it didn't bother u that there's like fucking balls of hair on the floor???

Really. Anyways I cleaned the whole room today obsessively cus I just couldn't stand it.

And when she moved in she asked me what are the rules about cleaning. Like baby look me in the eyes and tell me you're going to clean. Be so fucking dead ass. You're not gonna clean I can see that from your bed with you haven't bothered to make ONCE since u moved in.

And don't even get me started on her airfryer. Could u like not take that to the kitchen. I really don't wanna smell your burnt lasagna all day.

#i hate my roommate series

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harbingrs · 7 months ago

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It's genuinely funny that today's posts are rounding out days of serious contemplation about my general inability to publish tumblr posts. As in, I regularly write personal posts or replies to post and... immediately draft them, never to see the light of day.

I do this multiple times per week. Sometimes multiple times per day.

Not even posts on controversial topics, usually. But I'm having to reckon with the fact that I am constantly afraid to be a person out loud.

When it comes time to press 'post' I am afraid that - in some way, shape or form - I have not adequately protected myself from potential harm, and that there will be negative consequences I have not even anticipated, and therefore have not taken measures to avoid.

And so I quietly file everything in my drafts to experience a sense of relief akin to 'cancelling plans' because I have resolved the problem an I am safe again. In other words, yes, I am Doing Compulsions About it.

And I only just realised that's what I'm doing a few days ago, puzzling over why it always happens when I have zero intention not to post it. Right up until I try to hit the button and the siren song of the 'Save as draft' compels me to click it and immediately banishes all my anxiety.

But the phrase 'do not obey in advance' continues to crop up recently and it's certainly prompting some out-of-context thoughts. As in, it keeps reminding me that all my decisions are based around Safety and Survival.

This is not new and it is a pervasive pattern. As in, when I have a rental inspection, everything needs to be beyond perfect. This is not a requirement. Here, there is a clear legal scope of what they look for (that you are not damaging the property or otherwise violating the terms of your lease). There are legal safeguards to prevent them from evicting you or otherwise penalising you for other concerns.

However. Safety and Survival is about maximising the cards I hold in a vulnerable scenario. If my apartment is /impressively/, unusually clean and well-styled, I can make myself less vulnerable. This is not just an irrational perception, but a reality.

I would not have secure housing right now if it wasn't. Because despite a patchy rental history for on-time payment in my previous tenancy, I was able to land another apartment with the same real estate agency when I needed it because they know I "take care of the place".

The owner could get an extra $150 per week for this place if he didn't renew my lease this year and put it back on the market. He could have raised my rent by $150 per week. But that would risk me leaving, and he'd rather keep me here than gamble on a new tenant who doesn't "take care of the place".

The level to which I can impress and pander to an authority figure is the power I have in this scenario.

Since my on-time payment history is still fucked, getting a positive reference direct from the owner may be the only chance I have of landing another rental if/when I need to leave this place. If I am not approved for another rental (in a housing crisis) I'll have nowhere to go.

I have a 12-month lease term ahead before that's a possibility again. But appealing to authority - making myself pleasant and desirable, being of advantage to them - is the power I have to keep myself safe.

I was taught this intentionally from a young age. As a working class person, this is how you survive.

When your boss says 'jump', you should be so dedicated to your job, you don't even need to ask how high. You never turn down a request, overtime, a last-minute shift. If you don't have transport, you say yes anyway and then you /figure it the fuck out/.

Because sooner or later, your boss will need to fire someone. If it's you or the other guy, make sure he chooses the other guy.

This was drilled into me, word for word. This is how you protect yourself. Make yourself perfect in the eyes of the people in power, because it's the only way you can keep yourself safe.

You can see how this is a problem. You can see how this makes you afraid to... literally do anything, /be/ anything less than palatable. How everything you could say or do or express comes with a risk-reward analysis attached, and the priority is always to avoid risk. It's /necessary/ to avoid risk or you won't survive. You don't even know all the ways it might come back to bite you, but you didn't hold onto that protection when you had the chance.

If you don't say anything at all, nothing bad can happen. There can be no fallout and it can't ever be used against you. And if everything you say or do has risk attached - especially the kind of nebulous, undefined risk you can't even anticipate - then it's safest to stay quiet.

You can see how this is a problem.

#posts #experiencing 'help I am in my 30s and feel like less of a person than I ever have been' problems #ocd tag

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runner-owen · 2 years ago

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So I wrote the gender euphoria scene in my WIP today! Let me know what you think! It's a first draft so please keep than in mind when you read.

Context: my trans man protagonist Owen lives in a Victorian inspired world where trans people are common and accepted by most, so common there isn't a specific term for them. He's cleaning himself off in front of a mirror and thinks, happily, about himself and the world he lives in. Transphobia is mentioned and countered.

Let me know if you'd like to be added to my tag list!

As the water bowl filled, I moved to undress. Many preferred to bathe with their night clothes on, to keep away the chill, but I was no stranger to the cold. In fact, I even felt invigorated by it. So off went the cap, off went the shift, off went the socks I’d neglected to remove the night before.

Within the grand full sized mirror, I examined myself, my legs, my arms, and smiled. The cloth I found in the cabinet above the sink would do just fine for my purposes. It took the water with ease, and I smoothed it over my skin.

This body of mine, I’d worked so hard to perfect, and it was mine. It had always been mine, but now it felt as if it truly belonged to me and me alone. My muscles, dense and lean, shifted away from the softness they’d been before in my arms and stomach. My legs powerful. My hips sturdy. My breasts all but vanished, all but ghosts where once they’d haunted me during my first puberty. And as I ran my cloth over my cheeks and chin, I felt hair pricking up beneath the surface. Whiskers! In scarce months, I could grow my own beard! What I would look like with one, I could hardly imagine. But I’d had trouble imagining what my wondrous body could look like, would look like, when I began my potions four years ago.

I could not, cannot, imagine the minds of those who view us of second puberty as if we were diseased in the mind. As if we were secretly all miserable, and only their knowledge would save our pathetic hearts from ourselves, if we weren’t so stubborn about it. But they are the miserable, pathetic, stubborn, selfish ones. How can any look upon our faces and see anything less than joy? How can they look at us and think we need their cure? I’d sooner drink the serpent poison they sell in the traveling patent carts than return to femininity. Any that chose to do so, I wish them all happiness and satisfaction and protection from the toxic souls that wander our society. And as for those toxic souls, those papered brutes that claim we are misguided and have been failed by society, I say they can eat lead paint - and I have, in the papers and to their faces!

#transgender protagonist #trans fiction #trans author #writeblr #writeblr community #lgbtq community #lgbt representation #lgbtq fiction #lgbtq fantasy #transgender #trans man #gender euphoria #gothic fantasy #gothic fiction #runner owen series

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withoutyouimsaskia · 2 years ago

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Remember Me, Special Dreams - A Thank You

It is with profound, bittersweet pleasure that I can announce that I have completed the final chapter of Remember Me, Special Dreams. I am looking to post in the next few days once I have done my proof reading checks.

I’ll come clean with you, I’m really not ready to let this story go.

It all began mid-August 2022 while on a train back from Brighton. The Sandman had only just come out and I had very quickly become obsessed, dedicating a lot of my spare brain power to thinking about it.

I started wondering about what I would say to Morpheus if I met him, particularly since I had been experiencing intense parasomnia hallucinations and night terrors at that time. It sparked an idea for a fanfiction.

The first sentence I wrote was the Daenerys Targaryen joke from chapter 3 and from there, I worked backwards to be able to facilitate this conversation. The rest, is what has played out in the 39k words that I have spent so much joyful time composing.

For the past 5 and a half months, I have lived and breathed this story.

The reader and Morpheus have constantly been in the back of my mind. I spoke their conversations out loud when I was alone. I researched the lore, pored over freeze frames from the series, soaking in every detail of the character's appearances and the locations.

When I began, I had no idea where I wanted the story to go. I just knew that I wanted to try something new by writing in reader self-insert style for the first time, and I wanted to write about Morpheus.

They say "write what you know", and dreams and nightmares and night terrors and parasomnia are things that I have a lot of memories of. I'd just never had a context in which to explore them so comprehensively until The Sandman came into my life.

And writing it has been like therapy for me. Last year was a year of two halves. I went to some dark places. But being here with you all, and writing this has been a release, an escape and a way of processing some of my own trauma and coping mechanisms that I had been exploring in CBT from March to August 2022.

That’s why it is so hard to let go. It’s been a refuge for me. Sure, I could come up with new chapters. There was a moment where I nearly did by bringing in a whole other puzzle for the reader and Morpheus to work through but it felt like I was trying to force something that was reaching a natural, happy ending. And I am so very happy with the way things have ended with my two beloved leads.

I'd like to sign off with a few words to my readers and followers who have accompanied me throughout this. Thank you all so much for the comments, likes and re-blogs and private messages. Hearing your thoughts and having your support has been immensely overwhelming and tear inducing. I send virtual hugs and love to each and every one of you. What a wonderful community we have here! Massive thank you and endless love to my IRL friend @theviridianbunny for suggesting I post the story on here, and for also listening to my Sandman-related screaming and the chapter babble that falls from my mouth every time we meet up ❤️

Now, to start working my way through the list of all The Sandman fics I have been saving in a draft on my phone. Turn me into a puddle from over-exposure to fluff! I am ready!

Until next time, all my love and best wishes. And don't forget to listen to your dreams and desires every once in a while 🥰

Saskia ❤️

P.S. Masterlist of chapters and playlist coming soon...

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yallemagne · 3 years ago

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I really enjoy the implications of Dracula’s Guest while applied to the wider context of Dracula, though I don’t like the characterization of Jonathan. Clearly, Bram’s first draft of Jonathan was more of a cynical take on British stereotypes and the story is better if we actually want the main character to live, so. I mean, you can totally do a vampire story with an unlikeable main character, but he’s gotta die like Hippy Rowan from A Kiss of Judas or else the story has no good ending. So, in my head, I just rewrite Dracula’s Guest to make Jonathan a bit more of a little guy and a bit less of a twit.

Anyway, the idea of Jonathan getting into vampire trouble in Munich is interesting and kind of funny. This man is a magnet for vampire shenanigans. He didn’t even think to record the incident in his journal, or he did and lost the record. What more, it’s non-Dracula-related vampire trouble, and for that reason, Dracula is pissed. He didn’t even get to have the first sip of Jonathan*, the audacity. And then, he’s doubly pissed when Jonathan disobeys his warnings and almost gets eaten by his own lackeys, THE AUDACITY.

*it’s just what I assume. Dracula abstained from Jonathan’s blood for months with the intent to drain him at the very end of his stay, so he’s got self-control, just ignore the shaving incident iopgejr. I’d say Jonathan got a tiny bit bitten and wolf Dracula was lapping the blood away to both clean the wound and sate his thirst so he wouldn’t give in and just kill the man.

It puts Jonathan in a similar but opposite role to Lucy. Dracula kept feeding off Lucy because how dare these men try to tamper with his food? The fate of the girl is in his hands! She will die when he wills it and by any means necessary!

Now, Dracula’s obsession with Jonathan doesn’t continue past the castle because Bram is a coward, but let's say... I’m not a coward.

Jonathan dares to tread where Dracula does not permit. He’s bitten by foreign vampires- a spit in the face to Dracula’s plans for him. And then, when he’s warned again, he strays again, and Dracula has to save him once again. It was insulting enough that the peasants of some far-off village disregard Dracula’s will, but his own creations? But that’s all over and done with. Dracula has dealt with the fool, and the women can have whatever scraps are left.

But Jonathan is not dead. He’s here in London. He’s disobeyed again, and Dracula will not have that. He is no longer under the Count’s protection - he is Dracula’s prey - and he will pay for disregarding his host’s hospitality.

#listen I'm queer and I can't help but write bad things happening to jono #it's my job #I should write something from Dracula's perspective #I love stories where it's his perspective and he's still an awful twisted bitch #as it should be #dracula #dracula daily #dracula's guest #jonathan harker #count dracula

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wordsnstuff · 4 years ago

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Guide to Drafting

Patreon || Ko-Fi || Masterlist || Work In Progress

–

Planning v. Discovery

The first thing you must decide when you embark on the journey of drafting a story is how you’re going to get it done. Typically, there are two groups you can fit into, though most writers are somewhere in between. There are writers who plan meticulously before they begin writing to create a very clean first draft, or there are discovery writers (otherwise known as “pantsers”) who find more success in choosing a premise and then using a zero draft to explore the idea before gluing down any details. You are most likely someone who falls between those two methods. Some initial planning to feel familiar with your idea before you do some of the planning through the writing itself. Having some semblance of a method will help you narrow down your own process, which is immensely important if you want to get any substantial project near completion.

Consistency

Drafting is a difficult process because it’s either the revisitation of ideas you’ve already had, or the generations of ideas in quick succession. If you want to have a draft in a reasonable amount of time, you must develop a consistency in your writing. I won’t say that it must be a strict routine because time management can be a luxury, but you must make the consistent effort to write, and keep it in the forefront of your mind. Even if you don’t write every day, it should be something you try to make time for every day.

Know What You’re Trying to Accomplish

To get a draft done, you need to set expectations for yourself and they must be realistic. That doesn’t mean they have to be easy, or an amount of work you’ve been able to accomplish in the past. Considering how much time you dedicate to writing and your skillset, it should be a goal within reality. In addition, you must accept that you cannot create a masterpiece in one draft. For each version of your story that you write, you must have a focused goal, such as maintaining consistent characterization, making the plot concise and engaging, or making the prose more fluid and efficient. If you have a specific and attainable goal that you can accomplish in a reasonable amount of time with a fair amount of precision, each draft will be better than the last.

Designate Work to Phases

As mentioned in the last section, it maximizes your time and effort to have specific and attainable goals for each draft. This doesn’t mean that you rewrite the draft each time (though that is very common amongst writers), but that you designate tasks to draft versions. I find it very helpful in clearing my mind and soothing my perfectionist anxiety to make a “schedule”, outlining what I’ll accomplish in each version following the zero draft. For example, my draft schedules usually end up something like this:

Zero Draft: Main plot line, basic characterization, key world building

First Draft: Finalize Timeline, research for world building, structure

Second Draft: (Rewrite) Plot Development Fine Tuning

Subplot development

Foreshadowing

Build up to climaxes

Tone & Pace

Third Draft: (Intermittent Rewrites) Character Development Fine Tuning

Backstory

Subtextual Development

Making sure motivations are clear

Relationships between characters

Reinforcing character arcs

Checking dialogue

Fourth Draft: (Give to Beta Readers) World Building & Prose

Descriptions & Flow

Finalize settings

Checking grammar & punctuation

Reader Immersion

Fifth Draft: Incorporate Beta Reader Feedback

Write for Yourself First

In what some call the “zero-draft”, there are no rules. This draft is purely for your eyes. It’s you telling yourself the story for the first time. So, you don’t have to write in chronological order, or know the right word you’re looking for, or take a break every time you run into a problem. The purpose of the zero draft is to get a rough idea of as much of the story as you can and avoid getting snagged on minor details. This part is important. A lot of writers like to outline meticulously before they begin drafting and if that works for you, that’s great, but the majority of writers who attempt that get stuck in the planning phase, or burnt out on their story before a word of it exists. The easiest way to avoid those two situations is to do a zero draft, which can be as long or short as you want if it provides a skeleton for you to add meat to later.

Common Struggles

~ How do you estimate the number of words/chapters?... That depends on the genre, mostly. However, that’s usually something you decide in the second draft and beyond, and it can vary because of factors you haven’t got locked down until the plot and character arcs are firm or final. This is also something you’ll probably do a lot of tinkering with, and receive feedback on, especially from beta-readers, who can advise you on where natural breaks could occur from their perspective.

~ Why, after planning everything out, do I always struggle to write the draft?... 99% of the time, it’s because you’ve either burned yourself out, or accumulated too much pressure. When you put that much effort and time into a story, you can either slip into a headspace where you feel little excitement about it because you’ve already done all of the problem solving and had all of the revelations. It’s usually beneficial at this stage to take a step back (even if you’re not burnt out) and give your story some space, so that once you come back to it, you’re enthusiastic enough to fully realize your vision. If instead you’re struggling to write because you feel a lot of pressure to do justice for a story you’ve put so much love into already, take a step back, remember that the first draft is just for you, and work on letting go of the idea that the zero draft is meant to serve any purpose beside simply existing.

~ How do I come up with the necessary scenes to move the story forward between major plot points?... Most writing problems can be solved by asking yourself the right questions. When you’re trying to figure out what your reader needs to see next in order to effectively set up the next major event, ask yourself “What would happen between event A and event B that would add context or make event B more impactful?”. Treat it like a real situation and try to map out all of the tiny, notable moments that would take place between the major plot points, and then assess those moments on the basis of how impactful they would be to the coming scenes, and whether they can add context, set the tone, or aide in the rising action.

~ How do I balance sticking to the draft and following my own creative instinct in the moment?... This is a judgement call. Sometimes you’ll realize that maybe you should have just stuck to the outline, but remember that you can always go back, rewrite, test things out, etc. Always save every version of every scene, just in case, and go wild. Don’t be afraid to take detours just to explore. The writing process is anything but linear.

~ How do I maintain momentum in my writing progress when I constantly have distractions or other responsibilities that take priority?... Work at it. There’s no magic trick or piece of advice I could say that gets rid of your personal responsibilities. Write when you can, don’t make excuses on top of the reasons you have no control over, and remember that you create your own deadlines and expectations. Be kind to yourself, do what you can, and don’t spend potential writing time punishing yourself because there isn’t as much as you’d like.

~ How should I designate space (words/pages) to specific scenes/description/conversations, etc?... Trust your instinct and remember you can always cut/add later. In the earlier drafts, I’d advise you try to create as much material as possible to work with, and in the later drafts, be ruthless when determining what is necessary and adds value, and what doesn’t.

~ How do I finish a draft if I regularly lose motivation or interest in my projects?... Accept the fact that motivation is fickle, and that no writer in history has ever maintained “inspiration” for any project from the beginning to the end. There are going to be days where you’re like “ugh this is not what I want to do right now”, probably more than there are days where you’re stoked to work on your project, but that’s reality. If your goal is to finish a draft, you must recognize that writing is work, and nobody wants to work all the time. Try to supplement the lack of motivation by setting a positive and enjoyable routine so that, even when you’re not particularly motivated, you still know that your writing time will be peaceful and comfortable.

–

Masterlist | WIP Blog

If you enjoy my blog and wish for it to continue being updated frequently and for me to continue putting my energy toward answering your questions, please consider Buying Me A Coffee, or pledging your support on Patreon, where I offer early access and exclusive benefits for only $5/month.

Shoutout to my $15+ patrons, Jade Ashley and Douglas S.!

#writing #writeblr #writing advice #writing tips #writing resources #resources for writers #writing reference #writing help #writespo #writing inspiration #writing motivation #inspiration #motivation #drafting

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nellynee · 3 years ago

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Trollstopia Blindblogging: episode 7b: Buckin’ Branch

Really can’t help themselves can they? The dressing is nice, but it’s still a “Branch can’t catch a damn break” episode. perfectly enjoyable across the board, from humor to song to lesson. Just... perfectly fine. Competent. Branch and Country centric for those who care. 3.5 out of 5 take it or leave it.

(Well shoot, Tumblr crashed on me before I could save a draft at about the 5 minute mark of the episode, so it’s gonna be a little trimmed down but we’ll try again shall we?)

if that title isn’t a minced oath I don’t know what is

Thank you, James Cordon, for that lovely, ear piercing note. I legit had to turn down the volume it was actually painful

Noted, we’ve seen this valley before. I’m not sure if this is supposed to be a regular hub of budding commerce, or if it’s just that they can’t think of a good place for pop village scenes other than “A valley” but it is noted. seeing some hand crafted looking pottery... some clothing...a Funk Troll peddling pies.... that Creek lookalike in the bg....

Cocoa to go go

I mean I heard it before they even said it but they still said it

Branch going all Indiana Jones is so flipping cute. Just imagining sad little Baby grey Branch using it as one of his few forms of play alone... in the woods. OW

Biggie you have an extender arm for hair.... Biggie

fucking look Branch did it Biggie

Ok Trolls you win my new Starbucks order is “Cocoa to go go”

Do I think “Cutie Patootie” is Holly Darlin common vernacular? Yes. Do I think Holly genuinely would be down to clown if Branch showed even a smidge of reciprocation? Also yes.

For real though ever since Satin and Chenille got hot under the collar over a wet and shirtless Branch in TBGO I’ve hard headcanoned that Branch has the Troll equivalent of very fine bone structure. He’s got a lot of room to clean up, but is also kind of just objectively attractive as a baseline.

Oh he’s weak to being called special I’ma cry!

“Does that answer your question?” “uuuuuuuh?” that kinda confused shrug on Branch was really well animated. Like there’s a whole ass rotation in that

Branch’s outfit is so stupid cute I love it! He has no shoooooes!

Poppy looks like she’s about to bust a nut trying not to laugh

That’s so mean Poppy he’s just looking for the validation and sense of community he lacks in Pop village!

For real though I think Branch would find something in Country that he wouldn’t find anywhere else. Not the connection to “sad music” ala the movie. Or at least not necessarily. Really I believe that all the tribes, specifically all but the “traumatized in such a way that they’ve created a culture of faux and aggressive happiness to combat it” Pop Trolls have multifacets to their music that could speak to others including Branch’s complexity. Country was abrasive and sorta violent and a little vitriolic when we saw them in the movie. I like to imagine that among all that aggressive southern style comfort and hospitality is a lot of passive aggressiveness. And from that comes a more friendly sort of ribbing and sarcasm and jabs as inside jokes. It’s using antagonism as inclusiveness. I think he’d find real connections there, and an ability to explore a side of himself that’s shut down very quickly in Pop village

I swear to god if Gust or Holly call someone or thing else special and break Branch’s heart I’m gonna break them over my knee

A very good point for the young'uns. Just because Poppy has called Branch special before doesn't mean it’s got the same meaning to him. Context matters

Her look of horror when she almost calls that troll special is hilarious

“There’s no way he’s using that lingo right....” “Nope”. That’s a big part of the humor of this show. Most shows would write his vernacular off as “lol southern sayings are so long and complicated you can’t even parse them isn’t that funny?” But this show looks suspension of disbelief right in the eyes at this really obvious not jokes and goes “That was weird? Wasn’t that weird?” And yes it was. Even if you don’t laugh, you will get a sense of... comradery from this show? It’s a big point of why it’s been so enjoyable

Pinata lassoing, greased balloon pig catching, adora-bull hugging (aka bull riding). These are all super cute and creative. I especially love the greased pig balloons

Branch at fluffy: awwwwwwww. me at Branch: awwwwwww

It’s Ok Branch. It happens to a lot of guys. Just a little performance pressure is all.

Oh noooooo pooor baby nooooo why were there three of them?

Branch’s musses up hair is a look and I’m here for it

That's a much milder panicked note James Cordon thank you

oh no.....

Gust.... real quick I need you to come meet someone.... real quick don’t worry this is only gonna hurt a lot for a very long time

Ok that is cute tho Biggie’s little hat and his little excited attitude it’s not his fault

That was legit a really good action scene! Branch backing out when it got to much instead of doubling down and causing more trouble, Fluffy’s design, the lack of physical comedy, Fluffy’s little smile at that smooch.

“I know, I’m just as shocked as you are.” Pffffft ok yeah that got me

Me: furiously scribbling Country notes into my “Biggie is a lullaby Troll headcanons”

James Cordon you are hereby revoked of your cowboy accent privileges

Not what I was expecting for a lesson. Most usually settle for “Yeah I’m not good at this thing I was passionate about and other people are and that’s ok” But shifting over to “Just because it takes you more work than other’s to get the same results doesn’t mean it’s not worth while” is a refreshing take. I do think that a tiny bit of rework, just a few new lines or some shuffling (Gust or Holly mentioning trying again next year, how they’re sorry he didn’t have a lot of time to train, mentioning Biggie’s experience with animals...) could have made it very solid and cohesive, but it does actually work unlike some lessons

#Trollstopia #dreamworks trolls #Branch #Holly Darling #gust tumbleweed #liveblogging

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mypoisonedvine · 5 years ago

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Love, Theoretically | Sebastian Stan x reader (Chapter 5)

(chapter 1) (chapter 2) (chapter 3) (chapter 4)

series summary: having lost your husband, sister, and best friend all to the same extramarital affair, you ran away to a secluded villa in the Hungarian countryside to write and get a little time away from the life you’d left behind. you were only looking for peace and perhaps some inspiration for your novel, but instead you found an unlikely connection with the immigrant repairman– even though the two of you don’t speak the same language.

word count: nearly 2.5k

warnings: vague description of a wet dream, some sensual implied stuff (??),

moodboard and inspiration credit to @evnscvll

In all your life, you’d never had a wet dream. Not even in high school when so many of your peers were coping with puberty and budding sexuality in similar ways— not even when you’d wanted to have one about David Kapoor, the cutest guy in senior year who didn’t even know you existed but that you were somehow convinced was going to fall madly in love with you one day.

It never did work out for you two, but you’d finally managed to have a wet dream. This one, though, was about Sebastian.

In your dream he had cornered you in the kitchen, kissing you deeply before tossing you onto the table and— well, the rest doesn’t bear repeating. It was all very ‘discount bin romance novel’ wasn’t it? The exotic, rugged farm boy roughly taking the formerly-prudish businesswoman in the middle of the house, too deep in the throes of passion to care if someone walking by saw them.

You didn’t find it all that sexy by the time you woke up; moreso just humorous. That’s preposterous, you thought to yourself, nobody’s ever gonna love me like that.

It was something your husband had said to you once. You couldn’t even remember what the context was anymore, but clearly it had had an impact on you to be repeating it internally now. Just last week, Mrs. Alberti had gotten on your case for speaking poorly of yourself. Clearly, the things you said about yourself to others were nothing against what you said about yourself to yourself.

Your papers had only taken a day to dry, but the ink was pretty severely smudged. Knowing your publisher wouldn’t accept them in a manuscript, you resolved to retyping the most damaged ones— a good mindless task to do while you pondered your next steps plot-wise. You’d seen Sebastian less for the past week, and it was no accident; you’d been avoiding him because you were trying to nip this in the bud before it got any worse. Your divorce isn’t final yet, you need to heal. This is fantasy, not reality. You barely know each other. Your divorce isn’t final. Your divorce. Isn’t. Final.

That was the mantra you found yourself repeating as you retyped the waterlogged sheets; so much for the plot-pondering plan, eh?

You heard someone coming up the stairs, and you knew it was him because the steps were coming too quickly to be Mrs. Alberti. “Come in,” you instructed before he’d even knocked.

“Bună ziua,” he greeted as he opened the door, leaning inside. “Am pregătit cina, ai vrea să mănânci?”

“Hm?” you asked as you turned around in your chair, adjusting your reading glasses. However, his question became more obvious through context when you saw he had oven mitts and an apron on, and was holding a wooden spoon. “Oh, um, I’ll be down for dinner in a minute. Soon.” You held up a few fingers, hoping he would successfully interpret them into minutes.

“Arăți bine în ochelarii aceia,” he motioned, pointing towards you.

“I’m sorry… what?” you asked, not sure at all what he could be talking about.

“Ochelari. Sunt drăguți,” he re-emphasized, but it was useless as you gave him another confused look. He sighed, straightening up a bit as he began a new method: “Îmi plac,” he said, pointing to himself and then giving a thumbs up, “ochelarii tăi,” he pointed to you, and then made circles with his fingers and brought them up to his eyes.

You laughed a little, but you were pretty sure you got what he meant. “You like my glasses?” you clarified, reaching up to wiggle them on your face a bit.

“Da,” he grinned. “Pari inteligent.”

“Thank you,” you nodded, and he nodded back as he shut the door and his footsteps faded back into the kitchen.

Once a few more pages had been redone, you gave your hair a quick combing before heading down for dinner with Sebastian. It smelled a little strange by the time you went downstairs, but when you swung open the door to the kitchen, you were instantly hit with a wave of acidic air, forcing you to wince and cough. Even that didn’t help much, and you forced your eyes shut as they stung.

“Jesus Christ,” you yelped, “the fuck are you cooking? Tear gas?!”

“Oțetul te irită?” he asked, not sounding as concerned as you would’ve hoped considering your obvious pain. It was like you could taste it in the air, and it wasn’t until you managed to open your burning eyes again that you realized what it was: vinegar, in a huge jug right next to the pot he was boiling it in.

“You’re boiling vinegar?” you realized incredulously. “God, Europeans are fucking weird.”

He just looked back at you with bewildered bemusement.

“In America,” you tried to explain, “we don’t eat vinegar. We clean our floors with it.” You pointed to the jug and made a motion meant to indicate scrubbing a surface, and he laughed a little.

“Americanii sunt prea sensibili,” he dismissed with a wave of his hand, turning back to the stove to stir his pot of disinfectant which he apparently planned to serve you as a meal. “Am avut ciorbă de oțet de când eram copil.”

You’d typically considered yourself an adventurous eater— even with vinegar-pickled things, like kim chi which you’d learned to acquire a taste for— but this one put you to the test. Considering the smell alone had singed your sinuses, you were nervous what would become of your innocent tastebuds. But after he served the soup (a dark orange color, so apparently it wasn’t just the boiled vinegar) into a bowl for you and another for himself, you found the taste of it oddly pleasant when you sipped it gently from your hesitant little spoon.

“Vezi, nu e așa de rău,” he smiled gently as he watched you fail to recoil in disgust from the flavor.

“Just like ma used to make, huh?” you chuckled as he ate the soup with incredible speed, even going as far as to lift the bowl to his lips and drink the last few sips that way.

Eating dinner in silence with him was unexpectedly comfortable. “You wanna know something funny?” you found yourself mumbling aloud. “I enjoy talking to you more than anyone I ever did back home, and you can’t even understand me.”

His smile softened as he stared back at you, apparently sensing the change in your tone as you spoke.

“See, right there, that’s it: you’re listening to me. You know it’s useless, you know you won’t be able to tell what I’m talking about, but you’re listening anyways. Over two billion English speakers on the planet and none of them have listened to me like you do.”

Then you heard yourself, and it was so heart-breaking that you had no choice but to laugh. It was just a chuckle at first, but then you couldn’t stop it, even when you realized how confused Sebastian would be. Everything is funnier when you know you shouldn’t laugh, and soon you could barely breathe as tears warmed your eyes from the force of it.

“I’m sorry,” you tried to spit out between your fits of laughter, but it was barely comprehensible anyways. Sebastian began to laugh with you, if hesitantly and with a hint of confusion.

“De ce râdem?” he asked gently.

“I’m sorry,” you repeated, calming down a bit, “I’m sorry I just… I was just imagining what my husband would say, if he knew I was here…” you trailed off as you laughed again, starting over. “If he knew I was here, falling for someone I’ve never even spoken with.” You shook your head, resting your face in your hands as you chuckled lightly. “Oh, he’d hate this. He’d tell me I was out of my mind.”

With a slow sigh, your laughter subsided as you wiped the wetness from your eyes.

“He’d be right, but… I don’t really care,” you decided. “He’s not here. If he wanted to find me, he would. And maybe it’s because he’d hate this that I’m having so much goddamn fun doing it.”

When you looked at Sebastian again, his face was serious, yet anything but stern. Suddenly, you weren’t thinking about your husband anymore. Of course you logically understood how odd this all was, how impossible it was for you to be slowly finding yourself in love with someone like him, but it felt right, and true, and real. It made no sense, and yet it made perfect sense in every way that mattered.

“I’ll help you clean,” you offered as you stood up, realizing you’d gotten lost in your train of thought and probably stared at him for a bit too long. He stood up with you, helping you gather the used dishes and letting you wash them in the sink while he put the remaining soup in the refrigerator as leftovers for another time. “I’ll cook for you tomorrow,” you promised, “something real bland, like the English cook.”

“Sper că nu intenționați să gătiți pentru mine cândva, nu suport mâncarea occidentală,” he mumbled as he continued to wipe down the countertop with a damp towel.

With the kitchen clean, you knew you should get back to writing your book, but you were compelled instead to read somebody else’s— so, as you slipped onto the couch with one of a few of your favorites that you’d brought with you, Sebastian summoned the same copy of Dracula you’d seen him reading a few times and took the loveseat. Not much else happened after that, save for you shivering from a draft and him tossing a throw blanket on you.

“Ce carte citești?” he asked you eventually, breaking the silence. When you looked up, he was pointing at your book. “Book?”

“Right,” you laughed, “I taught you that. My book, uh, it’s good.” You closed it, leaving your finger inside to mark your place as you showed him the front cover. “On the Road? Ever heard of it?”

He just cocked his head to the side.

“Jack Kerouac?” you continued. “It’s about going on a long journey in search of… freedom.”

“Acesta este cel despre zombi?” he asked.

“Sure,” you nodded, wishing more than ever that you could know what he was saying. He smiled and got back to his own reading. Indulging yourself for a moment, you watched his face as it fell into a neutral expression while he read, his eyes trailing along the page as he continued to read. You didn’t realize it, but when you returned to reading your own book, he got his chance to look at you.

A long day of writing meant you had more than earned an evening to relax by the fire; late summer became early fall, and early fall turned into the need for a fireplace so much faster than you’d anticipated. The days were temperate, sure, but as the sun began to sink lower, so did the warmth. You started your evening with a hot shower, though you didn’t let yourself get too greedy with the limited supply of hot water, knowing Sebastian relied on the same supply for his own baths. When you finished, you dressed yourself in a fluffy lavender robe, feeling especially pampered when you put on a little moisturizer before heading downstairs to cozy up with the fire. You were already getting chilly, the heat from the shower fading as your wet hair and bare feet cooled you quickly. Therefore, it was more of a scurry to the fireplace, which you hadn’t expected Sebastian to be tending or you wouldn’t have come down in a robe. He’d seen you in less (namely, his shirt and nothing else, which was horrifically embarrassing) but something about this felt more intimate, like all your defenses had been washed away in the shower, too. Didn’t help that he was shirtless, again. Wasn’t he cold in this weather?! Must be all that muscle keeping him warm.

“Bună seara,” he greeted.

“Good evening,” you returned. Stepping closer, you rubbed your hands together as you felt the hot air radiate towards you. “It’s nice,” you sighed contentedly.

He smiled back at you, moving the logs slightly with the iron poker. Sparks jumped and fell off as he shifted them, joining the ashes below— you’d always thought fire was so beautiful, even if it was dangerous, and you took in a long breath through your nose to smell the tinge of smokiness in the air.

“Te încălzești?” he asked quietly as he set the poker aside and stood beside you. You wrapped your arms around yourself, rubbing through the fabric of the robe to try to warm up a little faster. Seeing you shiver, he reached out and rubbed your arms for you, which made you tense up slightly before relaxing and breathing out. “Mai bine?”

You nodded a little, your gaze drifting slightly.

“Warm?” he asked, making your eyes jump back up to his. You swallowed dryly as he looked back at you.

“Warm,” you repeated, “yeah. Good job… when’d you learn that?”

He didn’t answer, watching your hands as they reached out for his arms, finally making delicate contact with his tanned skin before drifting up to his biceps, his shoulders, and finally his chest. He put his own hands on top of yours and held them there, looking back at you as your heart started to beat rapidly and with no signs of slowing down. “Warm,” he repeated, only slightly above a whisper.

“Oh yeah,” you agreed hoarsely, “very, very warm…”

He smiled a little; it wasn’t mischievous, it wasn’t conniving or predatory or malicious. It was subtle but gentle in a way you had absolutely no plan to save yourself from, no protection, no armor, no neutral territory. There was only heat, so strong that your toes weren’t cold anymore and you didn’t even remember that your hair was still damp. Not only did you let his heat consume you, but you didn’t even think to stop it, to swallow your desire down, to run away and say goodnight and hide in bed from the icky scary feelings. No, you looked right back at him and let those eyes pierce right through you, that cold blue changed entirely with the warm firelight reflecting in them.

“Do you want to come to my room?” you asked slowly. The words were useless, but a glance back to the stairs that led to your door and back at him asked the same question with much more efficacy.

He nodded, and you stepped backwards as he followed you: across the house, up the stairs, and to your room. You opened the door. He shut it behind you.

#sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan rpf #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x y/n

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