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umichenginabroad · 4 months

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Stockholm Wrap-Up: Tips and Tricks

My time in Stockholm has come to an end. I am now waiting for my co-op to begin! The past semester has been a wonderful 4 months that I will never forget.

I gathered a few tips and tricks for people planning to study abroad! I couldn’t find lots of information specific to Stockholm when I was searching for info, so I thought this could help future students.

Hope you enjoyed my TMI posts, and thank you again for reading/glancing/trying to read them until Tumblr told you to create an account!

The following notes are solely subjective to me so take them as suggestions, not facts!

Basics of Sweden

People:

Very reserved but nice when you ask something

Almost everyone speaks English

Places:

Everyone is entitled to their freedom to roam around - basically, you can go anywhere except for private property

Culture:

Fika = a break with coffee and pastry

Sweden seriously recycles! Make sure you follow all the rules and throw away the right stuff at the right place

Through the pant system, you can get money back from empty cans/bottles. ICA usually has the pant machines so make use of them and get your money back!

Transportation:

Information on Google Maps is accurate

People are generally silent in public places, including the streets

Public transportation (run by SL) is well-distributed and punctual in Stockholm

Metro comes every 5 minutes or so. It runs until late at night around 12 am or 2 am

High-speed trains are mostly free but if you go past a certain point you need to pay an extra fee, so ask the representative in the stations OR check the map OR check the SL app

Buses

Night buses run every day and are free with the SL card that DIS gives you

Trams

Ferries

To and from Arlanda airport:

Arlanda Express - high-speed train

18 mins + alpha to/from your house

Fastest to T-Centralen but a little expensive

Does not run throughout the night

~$16 one way

~$32 roundtrip

Flygbussarna - bus

40-50 mins total

Bus stations are distributed throughout Stockholm so you can get on and off at desired stops

Runs all throughout the night

~$15 one way (to/from Hornstull)

~$27 roundtrip (to/from Hornstull)

Money:

10 SEK is a little less than $1

Swedish crowns = Kroner = SEK

Almost all the stores are cashless - wireless tap or cards are the norms

ICA, The System (national alcohol stores), and flea markets are some of the only places that take cash

DIS program

Gives unlimited public transportation card, three 200 SEK worth of ICA gift cards for groceries

Attend the DIS-hosted events if you can! They offer diverse programs for free. The following are some examples:

Sip & Paint - fika while you paint!

Bowling night

Ice skating

Billiards/arcade night

Ticket to dance performances

Picnic

Yoga session

Visits to museums

Guided tour to castles like Gripsholm

DIS Festival is the last event of the semester that lasts about 2 hours where you can present your learnings, enjoy stations like a photo booth, eat catered food, and hope to win the raffle

Suggestions

Start learning the basics of Swedish through apps in advance! Duolingo was mainly how I learned Swedish

Hi = hej (hey)

Bye = hey då (hey do)

Thank you = tack (tac)

Thank you so much = tack så mycket (tac-so-micket)

Sorry = förlåt (fur-lat)

Excuse me = ursäkta (ooh-shak-ta)

Go out and explore the city whenever you can! Get that vitamin D

Traveling:

Main airlines:

Ryanair: cheapest flights that are good for weekend trips with a backpack. It can be strict with the backpack size so ensure that your bag fits the size requirements. You need to buy every little thing you can think of, even water

I heard Easyjet is similar to Ryanair

SAS youth: high-quality service with a cheaper price if you are between 12-25 years old. The seats run out very quickly so book in advance!

If flights get delayed for 3+ hours, SAS provides monetary compensation (a lot more than you think) so check it out if your flight gets delayed or canceled

Norwegian: I personally didn’t fly Norwegian but I heard good things about it

KLM: usually expensive

If traveling with friends, an app called Tricount is very useful to sort out all the money stuff. You can enter who paid how much for every single occasion and at the end of the trip, it gives you a suggestion on who should pay how much to whom

What To Bring:

Bring a wide range of clothing - you will experience all four seasons during your one semester in Stockholm!

Winter suits: thick jackets, gloves, scarfs, hats

Swimsuits: Don’t forget to bring swimsuits for sauna/polar plunging in Stockholm and beaches during your academic/personal travels!

Fanny pack: it was very useful when I was traveling to places known for pickpocketing (London, Barcelona, Italy, etc.)

Travel-size bottles!

Many Airbnbs and hostels did not have shampoo/conditioner, so I always carried around shampoo and conditioner in mini-containers (under 100 mL). They are useful for skin care products too!

International Travel Adapter

Plug types are all different in Sweden, United Kingdom, Malta, Italy, France

Check before you travel!

Hygiene product information for girls

The tampons that they sell here are very small

I didn’t see any stores selling big pads, so I’d bring enough for an entire semester

What Not To Bring:

Toiletries were surprisingly very cheap in Stockholm: cotton pads, toothbrushes, floss, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, body lotion, etc. No need to bring them if you don’t have enough room!

Normal was my go-to store for these products

Where To Study:

Espresso House - the most popular chain in Stockholm imo

Wifi, charging stations

Good smoothies (mango chia is my fav) and pastries (cheesecakes, croissants, Kanelbulle)

Wayne's - similar chain

Wifi, more charging stations

A lot of people chatting or studying

Illy - chain with chill studying vibes

Wifi can be a little goofy sometimes

Good studying atmosphere - everyone is working on a laptop

Avocado sandwich is good

Where To Go:

For grocery shopping/basic goods:

ICA: $600 gift card that DIS gave me lasted me the whole semester! I cooked and bought groceries with my roommate, so we technically had $1200 together for one semester

BUT I ate out a couple of times each month and traveled a lot so if this is not the case you might run out quickly!

Normal: they sell a lot of basic goods ranging from toiletries to stationery to snacks. It is not too expensive either so if you want something small but don’t know where to go, I’d check out Normal after ICA!

IKEA: We went just for fun and sometimes for food. Cheap Swedish meatballs and 70-cent vanilla ice cream make the visit worth it!

Go thrifting - there are lots of options! Many thrift stores are located side-by-side in Slussen, T-Centralen, and Mariatorget. Keep in mind that there are some vintage stores, but they are generally expensive (average $40). Read the descriptions of each store below if you are interested. This list of thrift stores is in ascending order by price:

Myrona & Humana: both are chains that sell clothes on the cheaper side. I loved to look around the wide selection even if I had nothing to buy in mind

Artikel2: the one I went to was huge - there were lots of jean products

Stockholm Stadsmission: a chain with reasonable price and quality. You can find lots of gems when you spend time digging!

Arkivet: a higher-end second-hand store with abundant high-quality clothes such as Tommy Hilfiger, COACH, BOSS, COS, etc. The one in T-Centralen is my personal favorite! I suggest this store if you’re looking for durable clothes like trench coats, jackets, etc. The expensive clothes are much cheaper than the original price, but the clothes that are usually cheap (ZARA/H&M) are a bit overpriced

Check out museums - the following list is in descending order of preference:

Paradox Museum: plenty of photo spots! I’d suggest going with someone else so that you can take photos of each other

Tekniska Museet: a lot of science and technology stuff, but it’s not boring - it is a multistory building with innumerable interactive activities. Don’t forget to check out the video game rooms on the top floor!

Banksy (pop-up): Banksy’s artwork illustrates the political and historical issues through Banksy’s perspective

Fotografiska: exhibitions switch every few months: I loved Rinko Kawauchi’s photo collection!

Skansen: open-air museum with reindeer and historical housings! It is hugeeee so spare some time if planning on going here

Vasa Museum: museum with a well-preserved 17th-century ship that got salvaged

ABBA Museum: The museum is smaller than I expected, especially when it is on the more expensive side. However, there were a few interactive activities (dancing stage, karaoke stations, silent headphone dancing spot, etc.) and numerous photo spots!

For people who love nightlife - check out the following list:

Cafe Opera: nightclub

Secret Garden: gay bar in Gamla Stan

Liffey: Irish pub in Gamla Stan that has live music and karaoke

RoQ: bar with arcade games

Beer and play: casual drinking bar - a lot of DIS students went on Tuesdays to drink beer and socialize

Avoid Time bar: the $15 cocktails are good but there are too many old men who approach young girls :((

Wander around in…

Gamla Stan: I can’t emphasize my love for Gamla Stan enough; as the old town, they have a lot of historical buildings and museums in addition to rows of souvenir stores and cafes. There are a myriad of small paths (+ the narrowest street in Sweden) you could take - I loved getting lost in Gamla Stan!

Fika and Wine - good authentic Swedish food: meatballs are very good

PANEM - my absolute favorite dessert cafe! The mango mousse cake is one of the best desserts I’ve ever tasted

Monteliusvägen: This is a perfect spot in Mariatorget to enjoy a view of the city while you take a leisurely walk. I went there multiple times with friends and on my own. It's the perfect place to have your sunlight intake!

Rosendals Trädgård (Garden): Although it’s a bit far away from the center of Stockholm (on an island that also has Skansen and Grona Lund amusement park), it is a place you need to visit in the spring. Little stores sell postcards (I was about to buy 5 but I realized I’m broke and only bought 1; however, I am regretting my choice right now. If I could go back I would buy all of the ones I picked out), keyrings (I bought four acorn keyrings for my family), vases, etc. There are greenhouse-looking cafes where you can eat food and desserts. And don’t forget to smell and take pictures at the flower gardens!

Kungsträdgården: ice skating in winter and cherry blossom festival in spring!

More places to visit in Sweden:

City hall

Stockholm Public Library

Gröna Lund = amusement park

Westfield Scandinavia = mall

Stockholm Observatory

Archipelago

Östermalms Saluhall = food hall

Day trip to Uppsala

What To Eat:

Burger

MAX - Swedish burger chain

More popular than McDonalds!

There are a ton of vegan/vegetarian options - and I heard they are good

Sweet potato fries are gas

Brödernas - Hamburger restaurant

Right next to the DIS Stockholm building

Outdoor sitting is a must in spring!

Top sweet potato fries

Pasta

Florentine - Italian pasta/pizza place

The pasta here is sooooo good

Cocktails are fabulous too: Florentine on the Beach is my favorite

Carls Deli - Italian restaurant

After eating their pasta I agreed with the 4.8-star rating on Google Maps

In a food hall in T-Centralen

Very busy all the time!

Japanese:

Noburu - best sushi for reasonable prices

Near DIS Building (about 10 minute walk)

DELICIOUS food and AESTHETIC plating

Dry ice for decor 0_0

IPIN - cheap and good Japanese food

Near Hornstull

Everything was around $10

Ramen, sushi, and donburi were all good!

Sushi Yama - a chain where you can select nigiri types

Nigiris are small but delicious

You can choose quantity and type of nigiri - I recommend grilled salmon; it literally melts in your mouth

Matchaya - ramen and bubble tea

Close to DIS (about 15 minute walk)

Good ramen (I suggest the miso base)

Love their fruit bubble tea

TooGoodToGo - you can get leftover food that would’ve gone to waste at the end of the day for cheap prices!

Happy Sweet Potato - bubble tea

I got 3 different bubble teas on top of a cup full of coconut jellies + pudding for less than $8

It sells out rapidly so I’d set a timer and snatch the deal when it opens

ICA - groceries OR fruits and veggies OR bread

I only ordered bread here but I’ve noticed that the other options run out fast

Got a bag for less than $5 if I remember correctly

Good for students who need sandwich bread + want pastries like croissants and vanilla/chocolate bread

Bakery Hornstull - bread OR cake

I love the owner couple… They’re so sweet and kind

I got 4 paper bags filled with all sorts of bread - there were a lot of big bread/sandwich bread though

When I bought a cake for approximately $7, she let me choose between two cakes (we usually don’t get to pick)

Eataly - pizza

My friends did it here and got three pieces of pizza for $3

I missed my chance but you could do it!

Desserts

PANEM - pastries (!!! Mango mousse cake !!!)

PLEASE try the mango mousse cake if you like not TOO sweet fruity desserts

Alcohol

You can only purchase alcohol from The System, which is owned by the government - US ID like driver’s license works sometimes

Briska pear cider is extremely popular for a reason

All the ciders I tasted in Sweden were good but I especially liked Somersby ciders

This is all I can think of!

The four months in Stockholm reminded me what life really is, what I enjoy, what I am comfortable with, what I need to work on, and how I want to live my life.

I am so grateful for all the opportunities and support I have received. Now, it is time for me to move on and enter a new stage in life. I’ll be looking back on these precious memories whenever I need a refresher :)

I genuinely loved studying abroad, especially in Stockholm. I hope you had fun reading these weekly posts as well!

Thank you and goodbye,

Jiwoo Kim

Chemical Engineering

DIS Study Abroad in Stockholm, Sweden

#UmichEnginAbroad #IPEStockholm #JiwooKim #IPEWinter24 #Sweden

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tpwkjerii · 3 years

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strawberry kisses

you and felix have a longstanding tradition of baking the day after finals. usually, it’s the best method of relaxing after long hours of studying. unfortunately, you find yourself rather tense this time — after all, it’s always fun to spend an entire day in a cramped kitchen with your crush, isn’t it?

pairing: lee felix x reader

warnings: fluff and kissing, mild angst, reader likes strawberries (sorry if you’re allergic skdlsd), ex boyfriend (but supportive bestie) minho, reader has low self confidence :(, like two curse words, kisses!!

genre: friends to lovers au, kinda idiots to lovers, mutual pining

word count: 2.9k+

a/n: short fic for Felix hehe

Your eyes glazed over as you reviewed the last response of your final exam of the term. After two long hours of plugging equations you hardly understood into your nearly-dead calculator and speed-writing to the point where you’re sure you’ve bruised your dominant hand, you finally finished. At lightning speed, you gathered your exam papers and submitted them at the front with a quick prayer to the universe.

A few other students followed your rushed pace out of the large lecture hall, all of you eager to finally get out of the stuffy room.

As you stepped out of the packed hall and into the cooling outdoors, you checked your phone, which was filled with texts from the one person you were trying desperately to get out of your head (and miserably failing at that).

felix (strawberry head) <3

5:23 PM

did you finish your chem final ???

hyunjin and i just submitted our video for our dance performance

your editing was very good btw :D

5:35 PM

y/nnnnn you’re taking forever :(

we’re waiting at the quad for you !!

5:40 PM

*i am waiting at the quad for you

the others got too hungry and left, but i’m waiting for you!

pls hurry it’s cold :[

You bit back a laugh at his texts, his heartwarming tone filling you with a familiar fuzzy feeling. You pushed the feeling aside as you texted a reply.

y/n

5:43 PM

be there in 2 :D

You stifled a smile as you rushed towards the quad. Soon enough, you saw Felix and his bright, red-dyed hair (you first noted that it closely resembled a strawberry). The moment your eyes met his, you felt your heart skip a beat and heat spread across your face. This was the common reaction you’ve had for the past few months whenever you see Felix.

He rushed over to you with a giddy smile and his arms outstretched. Quickly, he barrelled into you and pulled you into a tight embrace.

“You took so long,” he whined, his chest vibrating as he spoke.

“I know, I know. ‘M sorry,” you responded, your voice slightly muffled by his shirt. You took a second to enjoy his hold and the comforting warmth that Felix always provided you whenever he was near. Over the past few years, you’ve grown accustomed to the scent of his sweet floral perfume, the feeling of his tight hugs, and the way he played with your fingers when he was bored.

All the things you were fond of were now extreme nuisances in your life. Not because they were annoying or because you disliked Felix, but rather the complete opposite; you were completely, helplessly, and foolishly in love with him.

“You ready to go?” Felix asked suddenly, breaking you out of your thoughts. He brought his arms down from around you, and you looked down at the ground as you nodded, hoping that he didn’t see the intense blush that was spreading from your face to your neck.

You are so fucked for tomorrow.

After an entire night of tossing and turning in anxiety, the next day finally arrived. To say you were nervous was a massive understatement.

The minute you woke up, you began to anxiously clean your apartment while your roommate Ryujin laughed at you. As you wiped down every visible crevice, she made sure to pester you about a “missed spot” or tempt you with sweets.

“You’ve never cleaned this much whenever Felix came over before,” she pointed out with a laugh while you wiped down the kitchen counters for the fourth time.

“What do you mean?” you asked, your voice uncharacteristically high-pitched.

Ryujin scoffed. “It is so obvious that you like Felix, there’s no point in lying to me,” she stated bluntly.

Your hand froze mid-wipe on the counter. You looked over at your blue-haired roommate nervously. “Is it really… that obvious?”

“Yes,” she deadpanned.

You winced and dropped your head onto the smooth stone countertop. “Do you think he’s noticed?” you moaned into your arms.

“If he hasn’t, I will personally pay for his glasses prescription.”

You whined again as you lifted your head up to look directly at Ryujin. “If he’s noticed then why hasn’t he said anything?”

She stood up as she answered, “Not sure but you could always ask him today.”

Your mouth dropped in horror at the suggestion. “I can’t tell him how I feel! That would completely ruin our friendship!”

“So you’d rather continue tip-toeing around him and never get a clear answer?” she questioned, her arms crossed.

“Yes.”

Ryujin sighed and started to collect her things. “You can do whatever you want,” she started as she placed her papers in her backpack, “but I recommend you tell him soon.” She stood up and headed for the door. Just before opening it and leaving you alone with your thoughts until Felix arrived, she turned around and said, “I won’t be home until late, have fun.” With that, she winked and walked out of your shared apartment.

You scoffed at her suggestive tone and stood upright to check the time.

10:08 AM

You gasped. Felix said he was going to arrive at 10:30, but knowing him he would be at least 15 minutes early, meaning you only had 7 minutes to get yourself together!

You cursed and rushed to your bedroom. Switching out of your wrinkled pajamas, you opted for a random hoodie you grabbed out of your closet and jeans. After you changed, you made a beeline for the bathroom and fixed your appearance. You quickly brushed through your hair and washed your face, hoping you removed all remnants of your restless sleep.

Just as you predicted, you heard four distinctive knocks on your front door right at 10:15.

“Coming!” you exclaimed as you rushed out of your bathroom.

Right before you opened the front door, you placed a hand on your beating heart and mumbled words of encouragement to yourself. Then, after deciding that you were probably taking too long, you pulled the door open.

Immediately, Felix, covered in a large hoodie and arms filled with large bags of baking ingredients, greeted you with a large grin. Like every other time, you felt your heart skip a beat when you made eye contact with him.

“Hi,” you said simply, a smile on your face.

“Hi,” he responded. He looked you up and down, asking, “Are you wearing my hoodie?”

You paled and looked down at the large pink hoodie, immediately recognizing it as the one that Felix lent you almost one year ago when he dropped you off at the airport since you forgot yours in the car. Once you got back from your trip, you’d forgotten to give it back to him.

“O-oh,” you stuttered, looking down at the oversized sleeves. “I didn’t even realize,” you continued awkwardly. “You can ha -”

“It’s fine,” he cut you off, the smile never leaving his face. He shrugged. “You look better in it anyways.”

Your mouth dropped and you found yourself unable to respond for a few moments. Felix laughed at your dumbfoundedness and gently pushed you aside to walk into the apartment. Once he set the bags down on the kitchen counters, you returned to your senses and closed the door to walk over to him.

“So, what are we making today?” you asked, trying to keep your voice as level as possible. It wasn’t an easy task to do, considering his proximity to you.

You held your breath as he grabbed your hands and looked into your eyes. “What’s your favorite fruit?” he asked excitedly.

“Er, strawberries?” you answered, tilting your head to the side in mild confusion.

At that, Felix let go of your hands and quickly pulled out a carton of fresh strawberries from one of the bags. You gasped in delight at the sight of the bright fruit and immediately thanked him.

“It’s no big deal,” he responded while sliding the fruits into the fridge. “I’m gonna eat most of the tarts and choco strawberries anyways,” he added with a sneaky laugh.

You scoffed. “You always say that but you always end up giving me the most.” You smirked at him while taking out the baking materials.

“I don’t give it to you,” he countered. “You steal them.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” you told him with a sing-song tone. He laughed from your side, and you swore that you heard actual sparkles, as if he were a fairy, when he did.

You cleared your throat, hoping to rid your mind of distracting thoughts that could be potential problems during the next seven hours that Felix would be at your apartment. “So, master chef Felix,” you started, lowering your voice like a TV show announcer. “What are you going to do first?”

“Well, my fair announcer,” he began, holding up the silicon whisk like a microphone. “I think we should start with preparing the shortbread dough, what about you?”

“Ah, you are the chef. Lead the way,” you responded with a wide smile.

You both laughed together and actually began the baking. Like usual, Felix did most of the work while you played music and assisted from the side. You worked together seamlessly, and soon enough the shortbread cookies were done and strawberry jam cooling to the side.

While you taste-tested the jam, Felix began to whisk the melted chocolate, and you took this time to admire him. You stood at his side, allowing you to admire his side profile.

Felix was easily one of the most beautiful individuals you ever laid your eyes on. But his appearance wasn’t the only part you fell for — he was one of the few people whose inside beauty matched their outside beauty.

Felix was kind, funny, optimistic, and just about every positive adjective you could find in a dictionary. After every failed test, he was there with a cup of strawberry ice cream and a shoulder to cry on. When you landed your first job, he was there to celebrate with you even when your own family wasn’t. And when you and Minho mutually broke up, he was there to give you advice as you coped with the end of your first relationship.

How could you not fall for him?

And sometimes you had the feeling that he liked you back. The touches that would linger for just a few seconds too long, the soft smiles that Chan claimed he only ever gave to you, and his late-night texts all spurned a tiny hopeful fire in you that kept your crush alive.

No matter how many times you tried to get over him and convince yourself that your crush didn’t exist, the tiny voice in your head still spoke. “But what if he likes you back?”

Now, as Felix stood by your side with a soft smile on his face while he whisked the chocolate, that voice screamed louder than ever.

And just as you gained a sliver of courage, the same paralyzing thoughts that have held you back for the past few months returned.

Felix was out of your league in every way. He was social and easily commanded the attention of an entire room with so much as two words. His outward beauty matched his insides, and everyone on campus reached a collective agreement that if angels ever existed and walked among us — Lee Felix was certainly one of them.

And those things were only the tip of the iceberg that is Felix. He was talented, sensitive, supportive, passionate, and everything you could ever ask for and then some.

You then thought back to all the people he rejected - kindly, of course - and how you matched up to them. If Felix didn’t choose to go out with all those beautiful and talented people, what on Earth made you think you would choose you?

At this point, Felix picked up on your sudden silence and how your breaths grew heavy and uneven.

“Are you… alright?” he asked carefully, his own chest beating heavily.

You stared at him, panicked that he caught onto your apprehension. “Um…” you started, trailing off as you met his gaze.

Felix let go of the whisk and grabbed your hands. “You can say whatever you need to.”

“I uh,” you started after a few moments, internally battling yourself to gain courage as you realized that it’s now or never. “I kinda like you,” you admitted quietly, looking down at your intertwined hands anxiously. You waited for him to pull his hand away in disgust and start to kindly reject you like he did to all those other people, but it never came. After a few seconds, his hands still the entire time, you looked up at him with glassy eyes in confusion.

“What?” he finally said, his deep voice softer than ever.

You looked back down at your hands shamefully. “Do I really have to repeat it?” you asked weakly. “I like you, Felix. I have for the past few months and it’s been driving me insane because it feels like my heart’s about to stop dead whenever I see you and I can never think straight when you’re with me. Apparently, it’s been pretty obvious and I really tried my best to get over it so it wouldn’t hurt our friendship.

“Trust me, I really wanted to get over it but I couldn’t, and I know you don’t like me back so it’s ok. I can deal with it on my own and you can just leave a -”

“Y/N,” Felix said suddenly, his voice firm. You looked up, tears rolling down your face as you were sure that he was about to reject you.

“Felix please don’t interrupt me. At least let me finish what I have to say,” you pleaded softly, removing your hands from his.

“Y/N,” he repeated, his voice much gentler. He carefully wiped the tears from your face and took your hands into his again. “Can I say something before you finish?” he requested.

You choked back a sob as you nodded, certain that he was just going to let you down kindly.

“I like you too, Y/N,” he said shyly, a blush spreading across his freckled face.

Your entire body froze.

“I was too scared to admit it because I didn’t think you liked me back,” he continued, the words slowly registering in your mind. “To be honest, I thought you still liked Minho.”

You blushed at his words, thinking back to all the times you would pull Minho, your ex-boyfriend, to the side to talk about Felix these past few months. You didn’t realize how it must have looked to Felix or your other friends.

“I was also… afraid of ruining our friendship, so I’ve just kept it to myself the past two years.”

You gaped at him. “Two years?” you sputtered, causing him to laugh at the way your eyes widened comically. “That’s when we first started uni!”

He shrugged. “What can I say? I was instantly attracted to the way you fought Chan on why you should be allowed to keep the minifridge in your dorm,” he joked.

You blushed at the embarrassing memory, although it wasn’t completely regrettable as it was how you met most of your current friends — including Felix.

“I’m surprised,” you voiced simply. “I didn’t think you would ever like me back.” You breathed out, your muscles relaxing instantly.

Felix grinned again and he moved slowly to envelop you in his arms. He rested his hands on the small of your back and his head on the crook of your shoulder.

“Does this mean that I can take you out on a date?” he whispered.

“Will you promise to stop taking unflattering pictures of me and sending them to me in the middle of the night?” you asked, your head resting against his and arms around him.

He sighed. “Fine,” he answered reluctantly with a whine.

“Then sure,” you responded and pulled your head back to meet his eyes. His eyes shined from the sunlight pouring through the windows and his freckles glimmered like stars across a canvas. Felix was truly beautiful inside and out.

“You have some strawberry jam on your lip,” he said after a few silent moments where you both admired each other.

“Really?” you asked. Your hand moved from his back towards your face, but Felix caught your hand in midair and returned it to its original position.

“I’ll get it,” he murmured with a gentle smile before closing the distance between your lips.

You held your breath as he pressed his soft lips against yours. You instantly recognized the strawberry chapstick he uses and the taste of the shortbread cookies. He swiped his tongue against the corner of your lip, and the sudden sensation caused a shiver to run down your spine.

You brought your hand up to his hair and gently tugged at his dyed locks. Felix brought you closer to him and massaged your back as he deepened the kiss.

When you finally pulled away, your face was burning red and you were completely breathless. Felix was smiling giddily, his arms still around yours.

“I think there’s still some jam left,” he told you, not even giving you a second to respond before he pressed his lips against yours once again. This kiss was much more playful than the last as you giggled against each other in the kiss.

“Did you get it all?” you asked him, your voice reduced to a murmur as he continued kissing your lips.

He hummed, kissing you once and twice in between, before responding, “I don’t think so.”

You laughed against his lips. “Well, I guess you better get it all. I can’t have strawberries stuck on my lips all day.”

He laughed with you, and true to his words, he eventually did get all the strawberry jam off (an extra two hours and an uncountable amount of kisses later).

#lee felix #lee felix x reader #felix stray kids #lee felix fanfic #lee felix imagine #lee felix imagines #skz scenarios #skz #skz fanfic #skz x reader #skz x y/n #stray kids #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x reader #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids felix #hyunjin #minho

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ukrfeminism · 3 years

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‘Not a single security guard helped me’: The urgent need to make gigs and festivals safer for women

With nearly half of women attending music events having suffered some form of harassment, Elizabeth Aubrey speaks to the people – from musicians to campaigners – who are trying to make a change

Sarah, 23, was enjoying her first festival post-lockdown when it happened. She was near the stage in a crowded space, and a man started to dance close to her. She felt uncomfortable. “I asked him to move,” Sarah recalls. “He just ignored me.” She moved away, but he followed her. “Ten minutes or so after this, he put his hand up my skirt and assaulted me. He then disappeared into the crowd.”

Sexual assaults like this at gigs and festivals are endemic. A YouGov poll in 2018 found that nearly half (43 per cent) of female festival goers under 40 have experienced sexual harassment. A UK-wide study at Durham University recorded similar numbers, estimating that the true number of sexual assaults at festivals could be closer to 250,000 a year. Safe Spaces Now, a new UN initiative to make safer public spaces for women, found seven in 10 women had been sexually harassed this year alone.

Claire Barnett, executive director of UN Women UK (and creator of the UN Women’s Safe Spaces Now project), says cases like Sarah’s aren’t unusual. “Music should be a space to really escape and experience joy with your friends, but instead groping, drink-spiking, up-skirting and other violent behaviour is still far too common,” Barnett explains. “It’s a quintessential part of nightlife for many women – and this is totally unacceptable. The threat and reality of violence ruins live music for so many women and girls. It’s been allowed to continue for too long and frankly, almost nothing has been done to stop it.”

There are some, at least, who are trying to stop it. In August, dozens of women from the music industry, including Mabel, Sophie Ellis-Bextor and Glastonbury’s Emily Eavis, signed an open letter from UN Women calling for an end to women feeling unsafe at live music events. “It is not OK for women to be constantly worried about their safety at festivals,” it began. “We have a collective responsibility … Our spaces must provide safety from harassment, violence, and abuse of power.”

Norwegian singer-songwriter Sigrid signed the letter. “No one, women nor anyone, should come to venues wondering what could happen tonight,” she tells me. “It should be a place of joy, inspiration and fellowship.”

Another of the signatories was Holly Humberstone. “Every woman has the right to feel safe in a music venue and space where they are celebrating music together,” says the heavily touted singer-songwriter, who was runner-up in the BBC’s Sound of 2021 poll and has been compared to Phoebe Bridgers. “We have to be able to dance and live without the threat of unwanted attention. My friends, sisters and I have been going to gigs for years and it’s where some of our most treasured moments are. The UN Safe Spaces initiative is so important so more women can continue to create memories together.”

Musician Jess Eastwood from Coach Party says she’s seen women experience unwanted attention at gigs – and has experienced it herself as a musician. “I have seen it at gigs that I go to, but also as an artist now,” Eastwood explains. “When we finish playing, we’ll go out into the crowd to speak to people and I’ve experienced some really uncomfortable situations, like people assuming that they could just put their arm around me, or have a cuddle, or kiss me on the cheek. It’s just such an invasion of personal space. It’s just the inappropriate touching and the assumption that it’s OK when it’s really not.”

She says the male members of the band “do not experience those types of things”. On another occasion, a man in the crowd told her to “get your t*** out”. “Because we’ve [the female members of the band] pointed it out now, we can all notice it and it’s so obvious and blatant,” says Eastwood. “There may be a greater awareness of it and people are speaking about it, but the actual actions I don’t think have improved at all. I think it’s worse now than ever.”

Mary Crilly, CEO of Safe Gigs Ireland, has been supporting victims of sexual assaults at music venues and nightclubs for more than 40 years. “Our job is to help people pick up the pieces,” she says. “We take them from disbelief to belief, from shock through to acceptance, via counselling and support.”

Crilly says reporting the crime presents huge challenges for women. They fear they will not be believed, or they feel as though it is somehow their fault. “We help set up one-to-ones for victims who are scared to report the crime and we support victims who are dealing with guilt and who are often blaming themselves,” she explains. “We have to put a stop to victim blaming and part of that comes in helping women to feel supported in reporting the crime in the first place. Little has changed in this respect for over 40 years: women are still not taken seriously when they report assaults.”

Sarah blamed herself for what happened. “Not a single one of the security guards helped me,” she says. Few had any understanding of what to do. “They just shrugged and it was very much a ‘what do you expect us to do about it?’ situation. ‘Can’t you see how many people are here?’”

Sarah left the festival soon afterwards and went to her local police station. “I was there for hours, alone, and I wasn’t offered any support. I was physically very badly bruised from how hard he’d groped me. It was a massive violation of my body, my safety, and the officers didn’t seem to care. Once I reported it, I never heard from the police again. I can fully understand now why women feel reluctant to come forward because frankly, we’re treated as though it is our fault.”

Barnett says few women are reporting crimes because of situations exactly like this. “Over 95 per cent of women told us they aren’t reporting these experiences, which would suggest the picture is far worse than the few figures we do have. Many say they don’t report it because they don’t believe it will change anything.”

Dr Hannah Bows, who led the Durham study, agrees. “We’ve spoken to women who either experienced sexual violence at a festival or have witnessed it – actually in most cases, it’s both – and a lot of them don’t report it because they don’t feel they will be believed. They think there’s no point because nothing can be done, or that they won’t be taken seriously. I think having the right messaging [at live music events] is paramount – an acknowledgement that this does happen and a commitment to doing something about it. Listening and believing people when they come forward is the first step. Having better responses from security though training is the next.”

Bows says situations like Sarah’s, where security staff are underprepared when it comes to dealing with women reporting sexual assaults, is common. “It’s a case of ‘well it probably did happen but look at the size of this place, what do you really expect us to do about it?’ But it’s still intelligence you’ve been given about an incident and if that were reported and held somewhere, you start to build up a picture because lots of women are telling you the same thing. You would have an idea then not only of what’s going on but also what you might do long term in terms of prevention.”

When Bows went to look for statistics on assaults at festivals, she found a woeful lack of data. “The crime survey [a collection of data that monitors crime in the UK] doesn’t give us any information whatsoever on festivals, for example, and perhaps not surprisingly, festivals haven’t really been forthcoming with this kind of data themselves.” She felt that many festivals were putting fear of bad publicity over their duty of care to attendees.

“We found the behaviours women experienced were groping, catcalling, verbal harassment, being followed, being grabbed, men coming into tents and attempting to rape women and in some cases, completing rapes,” she says. “It was a spectrum of behaviours that we know women experience in basically every public and private setting.” The existing data out there, she says, is a “gross underestimation” of the true picture.

“I think our study has shown that festivals aren’t some kind of special space where it doesn’t happen. I think the festival industry wants us to think that’s not the case. We’re sold a particular message about festivals, which is that they’re these sort of escapist, fun, hedonistic spaces. But for most women, they’re not much fun at all.”

Amy, 27, was celebrating seeing one of her favourite bands live this autumn after finishing her master’s degree. “I was enjoying the night so much, but then after about 10pm, I don’t remember a thing.” Amy’s drink was spiked, she thinks, at about 8.30pm when she visited the bar to get drinks for her and her friends. About an hour later, she was unable to stand. “I was in a mess, got separated from my friends and the next thing I know, security guards threw me outside and left me there.” Amy was approached by a man who she thinks could have been responsible for spiking her drink. “Fortunately, one of my friends found me. God knows what would have happened otherwise.”

Dola Twomy, who works with Crilly at Safe Gigs Ireland as a victim therapist, says she sees this situation time and time again on nights out. “Women appear to be out of it, they’re kicked out, on their own and totally vulnerable. There is so much danger there. Venues have such a duty of care and many actually contribute to the danger by doing things like this. I can’t imagine a more desperate situation created by security.”

Drink spiking is a crime on the increase. In September and October, the National Police Chiefs’ Council said almost 200 drink spiking incidents were reported to police forces across the UK. Mari Lane – a co-founder of Get In Her Ears, a non-for-profit platform that promotes the safe enjoyment of live music for women, non-binary and LGBT+ people – was a victim of drink spiking while a student at university. “I know sadly that men’s feeling of entitlement to women’s bodies has been going on forever,” she says. “I’ve seen in the news and on my social media feed the distressing reports of an increase in girls and women being spiked at gigs and pubs. I’m not sure if this means the incidents have increased or whether people now feel more able to report them. I’m hoping it’s the latter.”

Along with co-founders Kate Crudgington and Tash Walker, Lane and Get In Her Ears promotes and hosts gigs with a strict policy about behaviour – something they hope other venues will follow. “We consistently maintain a zero-tolerance policy to sexual assault or harassment at our events,” Lane says. “We promote ourselves as a point of contact for incidents to be reported to and we always make sure there is a member of staff from the venue who we can consult when an incident is reported.”

Lane says staff at venues need training – which organisations like theirs, along with Safe Gigs for Women and Girls Against, are putting into practice. Lane thinks if venues “strive to promote the safest possible environment and make people explicitly aware that they have a definite protocol to follow in incidents of harassment”, then ultimately “survivors would feel more comfortable in reporting it”.

After Sarah Everard was sexually assaulted and murdered by a serving police officer earlier this year, women’s confidence in authority is at rock bottom, says Lane. “I certainly don’t think our confidence or trust in the police has improved in light of recent events, and I don’t believe that instilling plain clothes officers into venues – as has been recently suggested – would make us feel any safer. In fact, quite the opposite.”

Get In Her Ears, Safe Gigs Ireland and Safe Gigs for Women have all recently stressed the importance of the role of the “active bystander” in helping to prevent such assaults, too. As Lane puts it, “putting a focus on making men aware of the problem and encouraging them to be proactive in preventing it by not being afraid to call it out, to reprimand their peers if they feel they have been responsible for putting someone’s safety at risk”. Lane believes “there’s too much focus on ‘victim blaming’ and giving ‘advice’ to women and girls about what not to do in society, when the emphasis should be on educating men and calling to account those responsible”.

GigSafe, a not-for-profit organisation based in Glasgow, stations people in venues to help those facing safety issues at gigs. Amelia Boyle, founder and managing director of the organisation, says the power of education in bringing about change is always underestimated. “These issues are rooted in society and we should be breaking the problems down by educating people on topics like misogyny,” she believes. “If the government recognises that by implementing these topics in early education, it will begin making change in our society, which will then gradually make change in our music venues.”

Crilly says she’s tired of seeing men not calling out others when they witness an assault – which she thinks is also through a lack of education. “So few men stand up and challenge it. I get sick and tired of the guys who are having a great laugh about it all. They need to be held to account too because in my mind they’re just as bad because they’re colluding with it. They’re not just tolerating it, they’re allowing it.”

Laura, 32, was at her first gig post-lockdown when she was assaulted by a man in full view of his friends. In Laura’s words, they “just stood there laughing”. Laura was groped and up-skirted and received a torrent of verbal abuse from her attacker when she told him to stop.

“It’s often a very intrusive sexual assault,” says Bows, “and what is difficult is that often, by the time the woman has turned around to look at who it was, they’ve gone through the crowd, making identification difficult.” To counteract this, Bows says they’re going to advise that venues set up vantage points on stage. “We know that some musicians have actually stopped their sets when they’ve seen an assault.”

Up-and-coming musician Alfie Templeman recently told his fans that assaults at his gigs will never be tolerated. “I don’t want anyone like that coming to my gigs full stop, so if we see it or are aware of it at a gig, we will throw that person out instantly,” he says. “Having a zero-tolerance policy for harassment at my gigs is mandatory. Anyone who does this should be banned from going out because there’s absolutely no excuse for harassing someone.”

Venues should follow suit, he adds. “I think the industry should be working harder to state that there’s a zero-tolerance policy for any abuse in their clubs or venues. If they don’t make that change then how can we know that it’s a safe place to go to? How are women meant to enjoy gigs if they’re constantly worrying about the safety of the place they are in?”

When Coach Party toured with the all-male band Sea Girls recently, Eastwood was impressed that they made a point of addressing the male-heavy crowd directly, every night, about gig safety for women. “They made the effort on stage to create awareness of this problem,” she explains. “They’d be like, ‘We’re all here to enjoy music, same as each other, protect women, make sure they’re enjoying it just as much as you are.’”

In many ways, the pandemic has worsened the problem. The men who watched as Sarah was attacked were all wearing masks. “I felt like this actually encouraged them to be more brazen about it because obviously I couldn’t see their faces.” Laura reported the incident but received no follow-up call.

Kai Stone, freelance project and partnerships manager from the Good Night Out Campaign, a campaign to make nightlife safer, says he’s seen attackers abusing Covid-19 safety measures to carry out assaults.

“As lockdown eased, we received reports of perpetrators of harassment using social distancing and safety measures to their advantage,” Stone explains. “Masks were used to grant them anonymity which in turn further dissuades people from reporting harassment due to the additional barrier of not being able to identify the harasser. We also saw staff using the handwritten track and trace system to harass women who had visited venues they worked in to call or even visit their address after they left.”

He continues: “The reset that lockdown provided from certain forms of public harassment has provided us with an opportunity to notice, name and challenge the behaviours that we should never have to put up with as they re-emerge as part of the return to nightlife. They should not be part of our ‘new normal’.”

Stone says they are frustrated by venues whose managers know what’s going on, but fear addressing this will result in negative perceptions. “Venues definitely understand the extent of the issue,” he says. “But many managers we speak to feel that openly addressing the issue is too high risk. In the UK, there are currently no legal requirements for venues to demonstrate sexual violence prevention measures when applying for a licence, nor is there any mandatory training for nightlife staff so the venues and festivals we work with are under no legal obligation to do so.” Good Night Out has worked with more than 200 nightlife spaces, training several thousand workers on how to respond to disclosures of sexual assault, and how to support victims.

“Unfortunately the nightlife sector consists of low-paid, often precarious work where frontline staff are not offered adequate training,” Stone continues. He says their organisation encourages a “whole-venue approach” so that as many staff at the venue as possible are equipped with the tools they need to offer support. “When we up-skill staff and replace myths with reality, we create safer spaces.”

Barnett, meanwhile, worked with Oxford’s Strawberries & Creem festival as a pilot event for creating a safer space over summer. “It was really exciting,” she says. “Our interventions included a Safe Spaces Now tent where festival-goers came to talk to us about rights and better bystander behaviours. We had Guardian Angels around the festival site available for people needing assistance or advice and [we provided] training for security, hospitality and welfare staff. We were able to speak to thousands of festival goers of all genders to share tools, helplines, support people in need and give information on how to step in as a bystander.”

The result, Barnett says, “was incredible” and they’re “now in conversations with several festivals who will be implementing our measures for the 2022 cycle”. They’ve also consulted more than 5,000 women on how to better design safe spaces. “The physical spaces need to be designed with women in mind,” she says. “From the toilets to darker areas and campsites to make sure those are safe and someone in danger can easily seek help from wherever they are and then the behaviour within those spaces needs to be addressed.” Barnett says Covid has shown that behaviours can be changed at scale, but “the reason this knowledge isn’t being used to reduce sexual harassment”, she says, “is because those in power haven’t cared enough, and there hasn’t been enough of a co-ordinated response”.

Many venues do get on board once they realise how simple, easy and cheap the safety measures are to implement. “There are actually people who want to run good, safe gigs,” says Crilly. “We’ve met many decent people who are prepared to do that once it doesn’t cost them an arm and a leg, and I don’t think it has to. Venues getting it right will have a safety statement, a code of conduct and will train staff. By training, you’re enabling: it’s so simple to achieve with just a little time and thought.”

Boyle says GigSafe in Glasgow has had much “positive feedback” from crowd members. “We get frequent gig goers approaching our desk and saying they are glad we are here if something happens to them.”

Jennifer, 31, says being in a venue with clear safety measures saved her life. “My drink had been spiked with a date-rape drug,” she explains. “I was woozy, out of it, and I remember a man escorting me to the back of the venue.” He started to assault her. “Someone in the crowd had seen, and suspecting something wasn’t right, told one of the venue’s several welfare officers, who were highly visible in the auditorium,” she says. “They intervened, called the police and he was arrested. They saved my life.”

Barnett says now is the time for that action. “Ten years ago, we said this was a generational thing, and that we’d naturally see change soon – but women are still reporting violence on a daily basis,” she says. “We need to be seeing commitments to change now. While this topic is being widely discussed, we have a window of opportunity to introduce better preventative measures – and this window will not be around forever.”

“Violence in public spaces is a human rights crisis,” Barnett continues. “It will continue to cause harm if we don’t act now… and we must act now.”

Some of the women’s names have been changed to protect their privacy

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prettyboybarzal · 4 years

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Dancing with Our Hands Tied

Pairing: Pierre Luc Dubois x Reader

A/N: this is a multi-part fic for PLD!!! we all simped over him for a hot minute and i decided to capitalize on it because i mean......... look at him. so, enjoy a little enemies to lovers trope w/ one of my favorite frenchmen. PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!! and thank you to @bandgirlsclub for all the help w/ my lil writers block. love u bb. she elevated my dialogue so much. if you don’t follow her, please go follow her now. and then enjoy chapter one!

Word Count: 2.6k

Masterlist // Next Chapter

Pierre didn’t like you because you didn’t like him and no one disliked Pierre Luc Dubois, especially in the city of Columbus. He was a legend. He was the star player, the future of the Blue Jackets. Everyone loved him, except you, so he hated you.

The feud started during his rookie season. He marched into the city of Columbus with his shoulders squared, his head held high, and his ego the size of Nationwide Arena itself. On his very first night out with your friend group, he’d gotten you kicked from a club after starting a fight and then poured his entire drink down your back as you waited for Ubers on the curb.

Out of frustration, you ended up foregoing the car to walk home, despite the protests that came from the other boys. And Pierre laughed as you walked away, amused by the liquid stain on the back of your favorite going out shirt.

No apology ever came, and that was a wrap on any potential friendship with him.

Three years later, nothing changed. Though these days, as Pierre’s comfort around you rebounded, he didn’t avoid you and instead made it his job to antagonize you whenever you were around. He made comments about your outfits, flirted with your friends that had clearly been told to steer clear of him, and fucked up your drink orders whenever he bought rounds for the group. Mostly, you took it in stride with a few choice curse words slung his way, but over time you started to antagonize him right back.

“Asshole at three o’clock.”

It took a moment, but your eyes followed the metaphorical clock of the bar and fell on the group of Blue Jackets pushing their way through the crowd. Leading the way was Pierre sporting a cocky smirk on his lips. He made his way around the group of girls, hugging each one before reaching you and ultimately opting not to say hello and just head for the bar. As soon as he stepped away you were making retching noises with your mouth.

“Back at it again, I see,” Josh Anderson spoke as he wrapped his arms over your shoulders. “You two would get along really well if only you tried.”

“I don’t want to try,” you responded. This earned the laughter of their other teammates, Seth and Boone, as they sat in the open seats at your bar top and joined the conversation that had been on hold for hugs hello.

When Pierre returned to the table, he was toting a tray of drinks. One by one, he placed each glass down with its rightful owner until the last two remained. And then he placed a Shirley Temple in front of you.

“It’s virgin.”

“Just like you,” you spat. While the table erupted in laughter, you stood to get a drink of your own. Preferably one that was heavy on the liquor.

---

Despite everything else, going out with him wasn’t all bad because after a while he just got distracted. He would slink away from the group and find himself surrounded by a bunch of local university students and you were free to enjoy your night without him chirping in your ear. While Pierre and Seth scouted the bar for hot single girls, you stayed back at the booth with your girlfriends, Josh, and Boone.

Drinks flowed as easily as the conversation, as usual, and up until about 11 p.m. there was nowhere else you’d’ve rather been. Until Charlie texted you.

“Uh oh, Chuck’s at it again.”

Josh was peaking over your shoulder.

“Would you stop being nosey?” you growled, angling your body away from him so he couldn’t read your texts—most of which were ‘u up’ texts. “And stop calling him Chuck. It makes it sound like I’m sleeping with a father of three.”

“You might as well be,” Boone said. He dodged the rolled-up napkin you sent his way with a chuckle.

The boys always liked to chirp you for your taste in guys, but Charlie was by far their favorite to make fun of because of the eight-year age gap you shared.

“Remember when YN would stay out past midnight?” Boone mused.

“Yeah, I do,” Josh sighed dreamily. “But then she got wifed up by a silver fox.”

“A silver fox?” you asked, trying your hardest to suppress the grin on your lips. “He has black hair.”

“That’s because he probably dyes it.”

More giggles fell from their mouths until you glared at them and their mouths snapped shut.

You met Charlie on a dating app and while things hadn’t progressed past that one night of dinner and drinks, you didn’t mind the casual sex that resulted from it. It was exactly what you needed at this point of your life—no strings attached.

I just called you a car. Should be there in 10 minutes.

You took the final swig of your drink and stood. The boys’ eyes followed your movement, knowing smiles on their lips.

“I’ll see you guys later this week, yeah?”

You said your goodbyes, ignoring the last-minute jabs the boys wanted to get in, and began to search the bar for Seth. You spotted him at a table across the bar with a gaggle of petite girls and Pierre by his side. The moment you looked over at them, Pierre caught your eye.

You started walking over as he checked the time on his watch. 11:45 p.m. You never left before midnight.

Seth opened his arms as you approached and you folded into them as you said your goodbyes. Something about the interaction had Pierre turning away to talk to the girls they’d met. It was the same pit in his stomach type of feeling he got whenever you were around, whenever you embraced the other boys with a quick peck on the cheek or laughed at one of their shitty jokes.

He heard you say your final goodbye to Seth and your shoulder brushed against his back unknowingly as you avoided saying goodbye to him. He almost let you go unbothered, but his need to talk to you just once more was overwhelming. At the very last second, he turned and caught your elbow.

“Who’s got you running off before midnight, Cinderella?”

“It’s funny you think you deserve an answer to that question,” you growled, pulling your arm out of his grasp in disgust. He leaned back against the table with a smile. Your eyes flickered to the girls behind him, one with a glare set on you as she sipped her drink.

A lightbulb went off above your head.

You stepped forward, squeezing yourself between Pierre and Seth’s bodies to get a word in with the girls around the table.

“Can I offer you all some free advice?” you asked, even though you were going to give it to them anyway. “This one,” you spoke, nodding to Pierre. You dropped your voice to a whisper and the girls inched forward to catch your words. “He’s been around the block, if you know what I mean. I’d make sure he wraps it before he taps it. Who knows the last time he’s gotten tested?”

You slipped out from between the boys, ignoring the curses that fell from Pierre’s lips as you walked away.

---

You left Charlie’s at 7 the next morning. Although you tried not to make a habit of sleeping at his apartment, there were some nights that you ignored the voice inside your head. You dressed yourself in the outfit from the night before and stepped into his bathroom to check your make-up and fix your hair before allowing the world to see you in all your one night stand glory.

Last night was one of the worst nights you’d spent with him. He was off from the moment you got in the door to the moment he fell asleep after finishing. You ended up completely unsatisfied and if you hadn’t been as tired as you were, you probably would’ve gone home to bring your own self to orgasm since he so clearly couldn’t.

As you shut his front door behind you, another door in the hall shut. You looked up to see which neighbor had entered the hallway and immediately felt your stomach drop.

“This? This is the place you ran off to last night?” Pierre was standing at the next door over. He looked astounded, eyes flickering between you and the door you’d just come out of. “You’re fucking my neighbor? Isn’t he like 40?”

“You live here?” you asked, eyes wide as you took in the sight of Pierre in front of you. His hair was still messy from sleep, but he was dressed in his Blue Jackets workout gear and on his way out the door.

“I moved in at the beginning of the season,” he answered. He stepped forward and you stepped backwards in response. “But you wouldn’t know that because you didn’t come to my housewarming party.”

You didn’t think he was serious when he extended the invite, and you were almost positive your response was along the lines of ‘I’d never step foot inside your house.’

With a scoff, you turned and continued down the hall. He was hot on your heels the entire way to the elevator and slowed to a stop to wait beside you when you pressed the down button. You were surprised when he didn’t immediately start digging deeper about your night. He was more preoccupied with whatever was on his phone than you, thankfully, though you were certain once he had you in the enclosed space of the elevator he’d start prying.

When the doors of the elevator finally opened, Pierre stepped in and held his hand out to keep the doors open for you. You stayed put.

“I’ll wait for the next one,” you said stubbornly, crossing your arms over your chest. He let out a dry laugh, eyes rolling before grabbing your arm and pulling you into the confined space with him.

The doors shut.

“You’re fucking dramatic.”

The elevator began its descent to the lobby and, all the while, you could feel him watching you.

“Can you stop?” you spat, shooting him a glare from the other corner of the elevator.

He studied you for a moment before asking, “Quiet in bed?”

“Excuse me?”

“Are you quiet in bed?” he asked, slower this time, like you were too stupid to understand what he said before. You couldn’t find the words to answer, jaw ajar as your brain tried to catch up to his question. “I’m only asking because I’m pretty sure Charlie and I share a bedroom wall, and his place was completely silent last night.”

“You’re a pig.”

Pierre chuckled, satisfied with the reaction he’d gotten out of you, and continued talking, “Unless he can’t get you off.”

“Familiar with that problem, huh?”

“Not in the slightest,” he answered.

“As far as you know,” you muttered under your breath, just loud enough for him to hear. The last place in the world you wanted to be was with Pierre in this elevator and you wanted him to know that.

“Not that you will ever get the chance to experience it yourself, but I know my way around the bedroom,” Pierre countered easily. Too easily.

“Mmm,” you hummed, “I’m sure, what, with your body count in the hundreds probably. Statistically, you would have to have gotten at least 50% off.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know how many girls I have in my bed every week,” Pierre grinned, his ego oozing out of his every word.

“Not even a little bit,” you sighed. Your fingers came up to your temple as you tried to rub away the migraine that was beginning to take form. “Where you put your dick is of no concern to me, unless you decide to put it in a blender. Then, and only then, will I give a shit.”

“See, I think you care an awful lot more than you let on, princess,” Pierre said. Your face twisted in disgust at the pet name. “And I think that no matter how much you want to hate me, you really don’t. You’re just jealous that I’m not fucking you.”

That pushed you over the edge, the ounce of patience that you had left in your system had been blown to pieces with that comment.

“Would you pull your head out of your ass for once in your life, Pierre?” you spat. “I wouldn’t let you touch me with a ten foot pole, much less your filthy dick. My sex life is none of your god damn business. Actually, scratch that, my life is none of your business. I only put up with you because we run in the same group of friends, so don’t try and get cute with me. If I had things my way I would never have even met you, much less learned your name.”

Pierre opened his mouth to speak, likely to try and counter everything you had just said with a dig, but you held your hand up to silence him.

“We don’t have to like each other, Pierre, but you don’t have to be such a raging asshole about it. I thought at some point you might get tired of being a complete dick but your endurance is impressive, I’ll give you that. So listen to me carefully when I tell you I want nothing to do with you.”

The elevator stopped at the lobby and you made a beeline to the front door of the lobby to begin your walk home in silence. Beautiful, peaceful, Pierre-less silence.

---

The silence didn’t last long.

You were halfway through your skin care routine when your phone rang, piercing through the otherwise quiet apartment. Across your home screen, your sister’s name flashed over a goofy photo from New Years.

“What do you want?” you asked after swiping to accept. Your sister’s face filled the screen with a fake offended look on it. You giggled. “Listen, Sadie, the only time I’ve heard from you since you moved back to school has been because you needed me to do something for you.”

“Okay, well,” she started. You raised your eyebrows at her in amusement. You knew this was coming. “It’s not really me who needs something.”

“Which one of your friends needs something then?”

“Mom,” she said with a laugh. Confusion flashed over your features, so she continued, “My friends are all going home next weekend and I decided I’d do the same because why would I want to be here without them, right?” You nodded as she rambled on. “But when I told Mom I wanted to come home, she told me that her and Dad are going to be out of town.”

“They’re going away?”

“Yeah, and she doesn’t want me home alone.”

You laughed out loud. It was so typical of your mom to not trust Sadie to be home alone for a few days. She turned 21 months ago and yet she still wasn’t trusted by your parents. You couldn’t say you blamed them. Sadie wasn’t exactly the most responsible.

“Stay at school then.”

“See, I was gonna do that,” she trailed off. “But she already bought me a plane ticket to see you.” Your jaw dropped, but you closed it at the sight of your sister’s apologetic face. “I’m really sorry, but on the brightside, I can finally party with you and all your boy toys! Especially the French one you hate so much,” she said his name in a French accent, “Pierre Luc Dubois, or whatever his sexy ass name is.”

And that was exactly what you were worried about.

#pierre luc dubois fic #pierre luc dubois story #pierre luc dubois imagine #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #dancing with our hands tied fic #mk writes #hockey fic #hockey story #nhl story #nhl fic #columbus blue jackets fic #columbus blue jackets imagine

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inari-zaheer · 3 years

Text

Thank y’all so much on reaching 100 followers

So as a thank you I will be doing the 100 prompt’s thingy (as it will be hard to do more than that lol), so again thank you so much❤️

Ask Here//Rules//Masterlist//Fandoms

Dialogues

1.“I know what it looks like, but I wasn’t my fault!”

2.“What if we moved to_____?”

3.“Of course I’m right about it, when was I ever wrong?”

4.“I didn’t called you a liar, I just didn’t called you a truther”

5.“10 bucks for your thoughts”

6.“Of course I didn’t do it, but like, what if, I hypothetically did it?”

7.“Of course I did it, how else am I supposed to spend some time around you?”

8.“If I didn’t knew you that well I’d think you are in love with me”

9.“They are so good for each other, aren’t they?”

10.“Sometimes I ask if it was supposed to be like this”

11.“This isn’t exactly legal, but as long as the guards don’t show up we’re good”

12.“Are we going to plan a murder or just sit here and eat cookie dough?”

13.“Oh hell no, I’m not going to fight you”

14.“Is that a threat or are we flirting?”

15.“Well, we used to be “just friends” too!”

16.“Is somebody jealous?”

17.“Oh don’t worry, the blood isn’t mine”

18.“Want me to stab them?”

19.“What? I can’t send a message to the enemy?”

20.“Here’s some cookies, and some bad news!”

21.“Next problem…we might die”

22.“I can’t help that I’m curious!”

23.“The art of being an_____is extremely challenging for me”

24.“You look hot when you try to punch me”

25.“So, I suppose this is where we kiss?”

26.“You love me too much to do that”

27.“Oh fuck me!”

28.“Thank you, but what am I supposed to do with it?”

29.“Did you really had to take off your shirt?”

30.“We can definitely do that, but not when you’re that drunk”

31.“Sometimes I think you have a death wish”

32.“Sheesh, I was just kidding! Or maybe not”

33.“You two are the closest thing I have to a television”

34.“Touch yourself”

35.“What if someone sees us?”

36.“Pinky promise?”

37.“Come on baby, don’t hold back”

38.“Stop stealing all the blankets!”

39.“Never thought I’d say that, but fuck that’s hot”

40.“You look like you were ran by a bus”

41.“Fucking is a reward, but you haven’t been good, now have you?”

42.“You’re so cute when you blush”

43.“My hands are cold, can you warm them up?”

44.“It’s like watching a chihuahua provoke a rottweiler”

45.“What did you just called me?”

46.“Wait don’t pull away…not yet”

47.“Could you try and not bitch about it for like five minutes?”

48.“It's not lying, it's omitting!”

49.“Who said you could do that?”

50.“I didn’t said it was safe, I said it was fun!”

Situations

51.Beach day

52.Being sick

53.Playing a specific game

54.Playing 7 minutes in heaven

55.Studying

56.Doing each other’s makeup

57.Giving presents

58.Cooking

59.Having Nightmares

60.Confessing

61.Telling childhood stories

62.Doing matching tattoos

63.Playing fight

64.Cleaning the house

65.Public sex

66.Doing piercings

67.Buying furniture

68.First time

69.Doing grocery shopping

70.Going on a hike

71.Sparing

72.Going out for a drink

73.Spa day at home

74.Car travel

75.Visiting another country

76.Wearing glasses

77.Building/fixing something together

78.Seeing each other cry

79.Having stuffed animals

80.Family dinner

81.Getting into an argument

82.Destroying something together

83.Apologizing

84.Visiting family

85.Being chased

86.Teaching/learning how to play an instrument

87.Going camping

88.Dancing together

89.Adopting an animal

90.Stargazing

91.Being in a band

92.Being enemies to lovers

93.Treating injuries

94.Gettin wisdom teeth removed

95.Shower sex

96.After an argument

97.Playing hide and seek

98.Baking together

99.Breakup

100.Birthday celebration

#dialogue prompt #prompts #100 followers #thank y’all again♥️

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whitherliliesbloom · 3 years

Text

weaving the present, illuminating the future

[ ffxivwrite2021 ] ★ [ masterlist ] ★ [ prompt #30 - abstracted ]

[ illya & friends ] ★ [ 2,849 words ] ★ [ streamers au ]

modern / streamers / online celebrities au where the spud squad are all popular streamers who frequently collab together. centers around illya and kaye mainly, but briefly mentions a bunch of other friends and illyanaud.

abstracted- withdrawn in mind, inattentive to one's surroundings

the spud squad announce their indefinite hiatus right after releasing their one year anniversary single, and illya cannot help but to feel just a tad bit melancholic.

Illya hasn’t bothered checking her notifications, or looked at either her computer screen or mobile phone, really. The sounds of ping after ping on linkcord, text after text and the flood of new tweets mentioning the one tag she followed on twitter easily made her overwhelmed - and so she’d opted to switch her devices off entirely before burying herself under the covers for the evening, trying desperately to distract herself with a copy of a manhwa that she’d borrowed from Laurelis.

But it was futile, her head is empty and heavy, yet swirling with a myriad of many emotions all at the same time. And after feebly reading and re-reading the same page over and over only to realize she hadn’t been paying attention to the contents of the book at all, she closed the manhwa shut with a heavy sigh before closing her eyes, praying to the heavens that exhaustion would lull her quickly to sleep.

Outsiders would merely assumed she was simply nervous from the release of their newest single, Ultramarine Hymn, a collaboration between the members of their massively popular streamer group made in celebration for their one year anniversary. They’d prepared for months, working together with a widely renowned music composer and even performing live on stage with a set of professional make up artists, producers and videographers to film their first ever music video.

For everyone barring Mint, it’d been their first time ever singing and dancing for a large audience online. While the experience had been undoubtedly fun, it was still their first real exposure doing anything of such professionalism and scale- and so her flat mate Kaye wasn’t surprised at all to find her shaking like a leaf as she sat next to him on the couch just several minutes prior to the premier of the video.

While the premier of their first music video was indeed a good half of the reason why Illya felt so out of sorts and nervous for the rest of the night up until sunrise, the true reason for the melancholy she bore in her heart came from the announcement that was posted right after the release of the music video, and it’d kept her awake for a good portion of the late night until she mercifully fell asleep, clutching the lavender purple ribbon she’d worn in the music video tightly in her hands.

The spud squad was going to go on an indefinite hiatus shortly after the release of Ultramarine Hymn - a result of an eight months long business trip Kaye had been assigned on as a professional programmer. Streaming and being something of an internet celebrity was never the man’s main source of income, so it’d be unwise of him to turn down the golden opportunity to further his career in favor of staying behind to continue streaming.

Naturally, Lily was going to move overseas with him as well - and while she has made it clear to her audience that she will continue streaming whenever she could afford the free time to, the radically different time zones between Eorzea and Doma meant it’d be difficult to participate in anymore spud squad activities - at least until she and Kaye would return.

Mint too, announced that she’d been preoccupied with practicing for auditions into several professional idol management companies... and while Illya herself isn’t as busy as the other three, juggling between helping with business at her mother’s florist, studying for an entrance exam into a medical school and streaming on top of that has become quite a hectic endeavor.

Thus with much reluctance, the six of them came to a consensus and decided to announce their indefinite hiatus, a news that they’d hoped would sit well with their impressively large audience of fans if it came with the release of a music video to remember them by.

Illya knew that it was a necessary change of process - that new doors are being opened for each of them and it was only right for them to seize the opportunity to chase their dreams. Deep inside, Illya truly did feel overjoyed for her friends, loved them all with of her heart so much that the hiatus was but a small fraction of the cost to pay in exchange for their happiness.

But that didn’t mean there wasn’t a hint of melancholy and bitter sweetness within that earnest joy and cause for celebration. None of the six of them knew when they’d next be able to work on something like this again, or if they’d even find the time in the future to work together again at all. It was perhaps because of their shared understanding - that unspoken sadness between all of them that they’d agreed to prepare something special to celebrate one year of their collaboration - a song that spoke of hope and a brighter future.

‘The more you give up, the more regrets await you.’

By the time the sun rose, accompanied by the shining of morning light through her pastel pink curtains and the melodic chirping of birds nesting upon the wisteria tree just outside her window, her phone has been assaulted with a mountain of unchecked notifications that she dreaded to sort through.

The girl knew she couldn’t possibly keep her phone locked and switched off forever, and so she’d booted it up after washing up in the shared bathroom, before walking out of her bedroom, staring down at her screen with a light frown.

The smell of fried bacon wafts through the apartment. The sound of sizzling oil intermingles with Hazel’s cheery singing, and Illya takes the time to open the latch of her enclosure, allowing the little sparrow to flutter about the living room until it settled peacefully next to the potted sunflowers that sat upon the window sills of the kitchen, watching the raven haired man flipping eggs effortlessly with a flick of the frypan.

“Good morning, Kaye. Thank you for making breakfast, again.” Greeting with an ever bright smile, Illya sits herself down at her designated seat at the dining table upon a bright floral cushion, watching as the man turns his head back for a moment before returning his attention to the stove.

“It’s Sunday, so it’s my turn. You don’t gotta thank me.” He walks over to the dining table to dump the steaming hot sunny side ups and crispy bacon onto their plates, cups of orange juice already poured and waiting, which Illya takes into her hand to take a quick sip out of.

“You checked eorzeatube and twitter yet?” The young man asks as he sets the frypan down, gesturing towards the phone in her hands.

“N-no... Is it urgent?”

“Not really, no.” Kaye raises an eyebrow, sitting himself down and jabbing a fork into his bacon. “But aren’t you curious about how the music video did?”

“I-I am... A little, I suppose... but-”

Her stammer gives her away her listlessness, and Kaye shoots the girl a furrowed scowl and a frown.

“Is somethin’ botherin’ you?” The man asks, and Illya’s lips curl upwards into a wide, deceptively warm smile.

“Just nervous is all.. What if the fans didn’t like it?” it wasn’t a complete lie, though not the total truth, but Illya was always exceptionally talented at hiding her negative emotions, and Kaye seems to buy it enough to slump back against the back rest of his chair and toss the bacon into his awaiting mouth, chewing quietly and swallowing before speaking.

“You won’t know till you see for yourself.”

It’s an unfortunate reality that he’s right, and Illya finally gives in and taps onto the icon for the twitter app, waiting for the timeline feed to load before her star spangled violet eyes widen in complete disbelief.

99+ notifications, an equally unbearable amount of private messages in her inbox as well as the first tweet literally being about the music video - Moth’ir’s retweet of their short promotional video from their official spud squad twitter account, which has garnered over 40 thousand likes and 10 thousand retweets.

#spudsquad and #ultramarinehymn are trending, and Illya gives in to her curiosity enough to tap on the tags and scroll through the tweets.

cosplaycon2022 hype!!! @/oracleoflight • 18h my good friend illya and her friends #spudsquad just released #ultramarine hymn and it’s so so so good!!! please give it a watch!!

EEEEEEEEEE @/driftinintiawind • 18h @/academician you didn’t tell me your gf was an idol bro???? GOOD SHIT #ultramarinehymn

pink is JUSTICE @/rosepinkcutie • 17h OHHHHH I’m goihng to cwyg #ultramarinehymn made me cryuy. iT’S SO GOOD...... #spudsquad i LOVE YOU

Alphinaud @/academician • 17h Do give your support to #spudsquad ‘s new music video, #ultramarinehymn ! They’ve worked very hard on it!

soliriii @/windupsunshine • 17h thank you #spudsquad for all the joy you’ve given me for the past year!! what a way to celebrate <3 #ultramarinehymn

hien’s booty @/floortank • 16h HEY #ultramarinehymn IS SO LIT THOUGH????? WTF

thancredwaters @/gunbrkrs • 16h #spudsquad Good job my daughter hasn’t stopped playing this song on repeat for the past 2 hours.

Nyx @/underthebloodmoon • 15h Sharing a good friend’s music video here. #ultramarinehymn #spudsquad

Nidhstinien @/azuredragoon • 15h [youtube link] #ultramarinehymn nice

vergotohelldad @/reveilleur • 14h only 4 hours after release and #ultramarinehymn is already trending. twitter has some fucking good tastes in music thank the twelve.

Lamittens! @/lalamitt • 14h Oh to be spud squad long time fan :pleading: I’m so fed... #ultramarinehymn #spudsquad

nhelly @/blackestmage • 13h I turn around and #spudsquad decided to drop an absolute banger. loving #ultramarinehymn !!

Aymeric de Borel @/officialborel • 13h A wonderful song that elicits a sense of optimism and hope. #ultramarinehymn

kafuuchi @/cloudsysmile • 13h hey is it just me or is kaye getting hotter :blush: still a kayelily simp tho!! #ultramarinehymn

KoKomi Komi @/sangopriestess • 12h @/starblossoms Congratulations on the new MV!! It’s very catchy! #ultramarinehymn

The scroll is endless, timeline filled with a mixture of both familiar and unfamiliar twitter handles, yet all collectively singing praises and awe for the music video and the song. It’s hard to not be overwhelmed by the sheer amount of positive reception their hard work and efforts have received, and Illya tears her eyes away from the screen to look up at Kaye with a twinkle in her wide violet eyes, and the man looks back at her expectedly.

“I-It...It seems to be very well received.”

“’Seems to be’? The video’s got over five hundred thousand views on eorzeatube from the past 18 hours.”

Illya almost chokes on her eggs, eyes blown wide as she swallows her food abruptly and her voice raises into a high, bewildered squeak.

“F-f-five... hundred thousand???”

By the twelve, that’s far more than even their highest recorded number of viewers on their biggest stream - and it’s been less than a day since the release of the music video. She cannot imagine just how ecstatic Mint must be at having such a successful idol-esque debut.

“Does that ease your worries now?” Kaye asks, snapping the girl out of her train of thoughts once more, and he is met with a smile and an affirmative nod in response.

“It does... thank you, Kaye.”

Knowing that weeks of preparation, practice and hard work has paid off and finally bore fruit was the biggest relief Illya’s experienced in a while, and the simple knowledge that the sentiment of their song got through to a good number of the fans warmed her heart.

But in the midst of the joy, there was yet an underlying somberness lingering in the air between the pair that was not lost to either of them, as silence quickly fills the atmosphere and quickly turns the space around them cold.

Scrolling through the top tweets didn’t exactly help either - because while it had quickly eased Illya’s worries of the music video being negatively received, in between praises for the song came the posts of fans who were dejected by the hiatus announcement.

Most of them had been supportive, of course... Their audience has ever been so welcoming, understanding and wonderful to them. But that perhaps made the disappointment they felt even worse on Illya’s melancholy, as she once again quickly slips back into the depths of her own internal mind.

Because as well received as the music video they’d released is, it still ends with them going their separate ways, and it fills Illya with a sense of already festering loneliness that she refuses to admit verbally to.

She never did like goodbyes.

‘The time that flows in the blink of an eye. The fear of continuing to be as we are.’

Neither Kaye nor Illya particularly enjoyed talking about their troubles, not even to each other, and so while Kaye could make an educated guess on why Illya seemed so despondent, he makes no comment on it. He was never the best at comforting others anyway.

He lets the silence fester between them even after Illya sets her phone down to focus on her plate full of breakfast, fishing his own device out of his pants pocket and begins to type away at it.

It isn’t until after a whole ten minutes has passed that he’d finally look up from the screen, expression unreadable yet his voice sounding a modicum more relaxed than it had been a while ago as he calls out to Illya as she was drinking the last of her orange juice.

“Hey, you’re free tonight, right?” The raven haired man asks, and Illya sets her glass down with a quirk of her eyebrow, if there was even a hint of sorrow in her, she didn’t allow him to hear it.

“Um... I am. Why?”

A smile from Kaye is a rarity, let alone one that carries such gentleness and ease... but the one he’s wearing now is so warm that it blows away the storm clouds that she hadn’t even noticed hanging over her head.

“Then, are you cool to do an Among us stream tonight? With the other four, of course.”

Sparkling lavender eyes widen, and Illya is silent for a brief moment before stuttering out in response.

“A-aren’t you going over to Lily’s place to help her pack though?? And... the others.. aren’t they-”

“I’ll only be there for the afternoon. We’re only gonna be flying next week so there’s no rush. As for the others, I already asked. You can even invite Alphinaud if you want, the more the merrier.”

“But didn’t we just announce that we’re going on hiatus? I don’t want to trouble the others if they’re too busy either-”

Her pink lips slightly part, voice timid and soft. Hesitation and uncertainty briefly flashing through her twinkling eyes as she averts her gaze from the man and hides them under the shadows of her pure white bangs. But it does little to keep the light red burn of her cheeks and the bridge of her nose from Kaye, who only rolls his eyes at her in response.

“Gods, stop being so nice. I said I already asked and they’re down for it.... well, mostly. Ichi said he wanted to sleep but I’ll drag him outta his bed if I have to. We may be on hiatus, but it’s not like we’re gonna stop hanging out together, right?”

Though Kaye’s tone is rough and his words are painfully honest, his tongue as sharp as the gaze of his midnight blue eyes, Illya knew there was kindness laced beneath his huff, and the tension in her body slowly begins to fade, making way for a brighter, far more honest and radiant smile that washed away the chill of the air like a spring breeze.

He’s right, as he often is.

Even if they may go their separate ways in the future, they will still always remain connected as friends, holding the memories they made together close in their hearts.

Her phone’s buzzing with notifications again, and she takes a peek down at the lit up screen, her heart warming at the equally excited messages from her beloved friends. From Mint who is spamming :mikurave: emotes, to Lily who was telling Ichi that no, a schedule with his bed isn’t a valid excuse and Nanami who was offering to set up the stream for the night... Things are all as it should be, right here and now where they are together - where they are home.

“If everyone’s fine with it then... I’ll join too. Don’t raid Ichi’s flat, though!”

Illya lets out a giggle that rings out like windchimes in a cool summer breeze, and Kaye clicks his tongue with a shrug of his shoulder.

“He gave me his keys for this exact reason, he doesn’t mind. How do you think he always makes it in time for our streams? All I need to wake him up is a fork and porcelain plate and-”

“Kaye! That’s... that’s so mean-”

‘I'll hug you with equal parts expectation and anxiety. You and I, weaving the present, illuminating the future.’

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bi-dazai · 3 years

Text

okay while we're on the subject of eating healthy and exercising, I want to vent/talk about weight loss. This is gonna be a rly controversial, very personal and extremely long post but I do want to make a point. I'm not going to discuss every fucking nuance of haes or my EDs. But for clarity, know that my eds are complicated and were mostly osfeds - minor anorexia osfed in high school and bed osfed when I was 18-19. after i realised how fat i was the minor anorexia came back and over the pandemic it became full scale anorexia nervosa.

I'm 5'3. The healthy weight range I should be in is in the high 40s-low 50s. I went up to TWICE that by the time I was just nineteen years old. It wasn't fun being fat. I consumed as much fat acceptance, fat activism content as I could, I pretended I was confident and happy even when I was fat. But I wasn't. Because people don't just get obese accidentally. A little overweight, yes. But obese? No. You get obese from depression, from giving up. You don't want to move so you don't. You're sad all the time, and the body positivity circles say eat comfort food, whatever and as much as it makes you feel better!! Do you know what that is? That's encouragement of BED. Do not say that. Because I did that. I ate sugar and junk food, I was still depressed.

I was reading these posts that were claiming fat people shouldn't be weighed at the doctor, that your weight shouldn't count, that BMI is incorrect and doesn't matter, etc etc. There were posts saying that they got "perfect bloodwork" (what even is that? I knew that was wrong, I've had chronic iron deficiency for a decade!) even though they were fat, so they had to be healthy, right? I got shown pictures of obese ballerinas and obese weightlifters blah blah blah. And I grew and grew, and I got to almost 85kg on the fast track to 100kg before reality smacked me in the face and I realised I was shortening my lifespan by decades.

Here's what it was like being obese!

- joint pain, constantly

- could barely walk anywhere without feeling out of breath

- couldn't find any fashionable, good quality clothes (plus size stores either carry unfashionable clothing, or fashionable but cheap quality clothing. I don't like to waste money on cheap clothes)

- more acne than I'd had in years

- oily skin

- more difficulty feeling "full"

- JOINT FUCKING PAIN

- rashes from skin rubbing against skin!

- even larger chest, making me MORE dysphoric

- back pain!!

- snoring - this is not just embarrassing. This is potentially deadly.

- DYSPHORIA

- KNEES. JOINT PAIN.

- DYSPHORIA

this was just things I felt physically, noticeably! The things that my fat was doing on the inside was even worse. Fat isn't just this layer of packing peanuts that appears on top of you. It coats your organs. It gets everywhere. It makes your entire body run worse.

Fat also makes it much more likely for you to not just GET cancer, but it it also makes it harder to FIGHT cancer. Being obese makes almost every single goddamn sickness on the planet worse because when you have THAT MUCH fat tissue the hormones and shit it secretes fucks EVERYTHING up.

Yes there are obese bodybuilders. Yes there are obese ballerinas. Let's talk about those two.

There are plenty of drs and dieticians who have pointed out the obvious - if an obese person was really, actually eating healthily and exercising every day, they would not stay obese forever. Its not magic, it's thermodynamics. CICO done right works for everyone. If you are eating healthy, appropriate portions for weight loss at your TDEE and exercising it would literally be IMPOSSIBLE for you not to lose weight!! Even more the heavier you are because when you exercise you carry around a lot more weight.

Obese weightlifters are still obese. They are not proof you can be obese and healthy. They are still going to die younger if they do not lose weight.

Let's talk about fat ballerinas. The only ones I've seen are trainee ballerinas, not professional ones. And their performance looks impressive at first, until you look closer. You notice their balance is never quite perfect, their control can be amazing and the best ever but they'll still be off. Why? Because fat moves around with your movement, and it displaces your balance and your line of movement. It's simply not possible to do something like ballet dancing as a fat person without risking major injury as well. En pointe is already stupid dangerous for the skinniest ballerina. Going en pointe at anything above 60kg is going to get progressively suckier the heavier you go. And god help your ankles because falling down will always end in a major injury.

I'm so fucking done with "fat acceptance". I'm tired of "body positivity" being a movement about obese middle-upper class white women and not about scars and disabilities etc like it was focused on in the start. I have no problems with Health at Every Size - every person should feel happy to workout, to eat healthy. I have no problem raising issue with people bullying others for their weight as well. That's wrong. But pretending that it's Healthy at Every Size is a fucking lie, and it's one that could've sentenced me to an early death. Healthy at Every Size said I was condemned to joint pain and oily skin and depression and exhaustion for the rest of my life based on cherrypicked sentences from studies that didn't agree with them. That "95% of diets fail" sentence in particular drives me up the wall. You don't need a diet to lose weight, you need healthy CICO, you need to eat below your TDEE, you need to eat healthy, and you need to exercise. All you have to do at first is go on a 10-20 minute walk, whatever pace you like, a few times a week.

You can BE fit, you CAN lose weight! You are not sentenced to having joint pain and an increased risk for cancer and a less effective COVID vaccine for life. You can change your body in incredibly ways. You have no idea what you are capable of.

There's this myth that weight loss takes keto and shakes and diet pills and crash diets etc. It doesn't. All it is is making sure you eat less than your TDEE, eating HEALTHY calories, and getting your heartrate up by exercising at least 175 minutes a week.

The human body is not meant to be obese. There's no such thing as a set point weight. There's CICO, there's nutrition, there's making sure your muscles dont atrophy. Weight loss and fitness isn't some magic thing that youre just born able to do. I was lazy throughout my entire teens. I thought fitness was something the popular girls did. It's not. It's for everyone. and everyone, especially in places with an obesity epidemic such as the US, UK, and Australia, should make use of it. It's a good thing. Walking is one of the best things you can do for your body, and it's incredibly rewarding in every way. Eating healthy and not eating until you feel like you're going to burst is rewarding in every way. And it's not like you can't ever have junk food again, you just have to limit it to a treat, a once or twice per week thing. And honestly, it makes it much more enjoyable that way.

Now I want to talk a little about my anorexia. My weight loss journey came to anorexia. This is because it was an eating disorder I'd had for a long time. I did not see a trainer or dietician, and I consciously decided to push myself too far. I consciously decide to eat less and exercise more when I am starving. This is not something that just happens because someone is eating at 1200cals. It happens because you have an eating disorder which you are born with. Saying people who eat 1200cals of healthy food a day and exercise right are "anorexic" is so fucking insulting to everyone involved. It's ableist and ignorant. 1200cals is also a pretty generous amount for anorexic ppl to eat. That's close to a binge in ED standards, so that should give you a reference for how offbase saying 1200cals is "anorexic" is.

My anorexia is healthy habits pushed into eating disorder territory. I eat healthy, yes, but I don't eat enough. I exercise, yes, but I often push myself too far when I'm already lacking energy. The advice I give people for health is correct, and I'm never going to go around saying "eat less than 1200cals" as weightloss advice. Eat less, sure, but there's a limit. Calorie counting is a good thing to do, tracking your macros and nutrients is good. But I do it too much.

I know what's healthy, a lot of ppl with restrictive and purgative EDs do. People with EDs can give some awesome health advice, we just can't follow it because we have a mental disorder. Believe it or not people with EDs discussing their EDs are not "pro-ana", pointing out that anorexia and people with anorexia are real and not some boogeyman you use to justify not losing weight and eating healthy is not pro-ana. Anorexia existing is not pro-ana and anorexics being anorexic has nothing to do with fatphobia.

this post is a rambling mess but i rly had to get some stuff clear on how I feel abt this stuff because it's getting concerning how much unhealthy shit, and then straight up ableist shit, that the fat acceptance crowd spews out.

A little exercise won't kill you, eating healthy won't kill you. You are not sentenced to ugly plus size fashion and joint pain and being out of breath for the rest of your life. Leave the Healthy at Every Size death cult and join the Health at Every Size movement. Let the doctor take your weight (it IS medically necessary). acknowledge that you are obese and it is affecting your health. It's scary but it can be the start of a new, healthy beginning. It was for me.

Losing 15kg has been the best thing in my life. Sure, the anorexia is there enjoying it for one reason. But the reason I truly enjoy it is because I've discovered what a healthier body feels like. I've discovered the joys of exercise, I've discovered the joys of eating healthy. I can fit nice clothes now. And I'm still overweight! I'm 66kg, that's 4kg away from the barest minimum acceptable healthy bmi. But I feel so so much better. I look better. I have a jawline! Good skin! Energy! It didn't fix me but it sure made me a hell of a lot better.

Please please try and eat healthy, eat an appropriate amount, go for walks. It's so so good, and if you do it right you WILL lose weight. You'll live past 50. You'll get to explore the world in a way you couldn't when going up stairs had you out of breath. You'll fit into that nice skirt you've been looking at. Your skin will clear up. You'll have energy and your mental health will improve.

It's so so fucking worth it to put effort into your health, like I cannot emphasise this enough. Please do it, I wish I could tell myself this when I was binging on junk because the FA crowd told me it was valid to comfort eat until I hurt.

#long post #this is mostly a vent but yeah #basically my decision is that im not touching any fat activism fatphobia etc with a ten foot pole #esp on this blog except to discuss my personal experience with it ie this post #personal #ok to rb #sorry for not putting it under a readmore im on mobile

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wolferals · 4 years

Text

✨UNDER MY SKIN(S)✨

james cook x reader

„Y/n, friend." your mom shouted from downstairs. You were still busy with your english homework as you got interrupted. A sigh leaving your lips you got up from your desk to walk down to the door. Who of your friends would show up on a Tuesday night at 9pm when they knew you were busy doing schoolwork?

As your head shot around the corner you let out a frustrated moan.

The brown haired boy grinned sheepishly as he had his hands behind his back. „Cook." you spoke and approached the interrupter of your busy night.

„Hello y/n. Looking stunning."

Looking down at yourself you realized you were only wearing a big sweatshirt and some knitted socks to keep you feet warm. You were not wearing pants at all, and your hair was up in a messy bun.

„What do you want? I'm busy." You snapped at him but he just kept on smiling.

„I wanted to see if you were up for some fun. Freds and J are twats and studying for the exam tomorrow. Eff's a bit of a headache at the moment and Naomikins wont answer the door." He explained and rested his arm on the doorframe.

„Cook, as I said, I'm busy."

He made his lip tremble a bit, making you roll your eyes at him. „Come on y/n/n, just for an hour or two. I promise I dont got any drugs this time. I just dont wanna be alone right now. I'm going through something."

You again rolled your eyes at this jackass and joked:"Did Effy not wanna fuck you tonight? I'm really sorry. But fuck, fine. I just gotta get dressed. Come in and close the door behind you."

Like a little kid he let out a happy laugh as you walked upstairs, noticing that Cook was following you.

„Hello? Privacy? Also my mom won't like you being in my room with me, at that time especially."

He closed the door to your room and started looking around while you rummaged through your closet.

„You got a nice room y/n/n. Why havent I been in here?"

He asked and played with your dreamcatcher.

„Well because you're a dick Cookie? And I dont like dicks in my room."

-„Thats cool, but hey now you got one in your room. A big one. One that could make you feel real good."

He started laughing and pointed at his crotch. „Fuck you Cook. Turn around."

You quickly took off your sweater and threw on a white cardigan and paired it with a pair of some wide legged jeans.

„Okay I'm done." you then spoke and watched Cook scan your body from head to toe. „Looks cute."

You were surprised by his choice of words but didn't complain. Smiling, you grabbed your stuff and you two headed downstairs.

„Mom, I'll have to help Cook with something real quick, I'll be back in an hour."

You were about to open the front door when your mom stood in the hall. „Where are you going?" She asked, a serious expression on her face.

„Just around the block. I promise I'll be back soon."

Cook just stood there and watched you and your mom discuss but suddenly spoke up:"Ms y/l/n, I promise I'll have her back in exactly one hour. I'll take care of her, nothing will happen to your daughter I swear."

You stared at him in disbelief. That Cook new words like „I promise" or „I'll take care" shocked you a bit.

„Fine. One hour. You have a test tomorrow sweetheart, have that in mind." Your mom finally let you go and Cook didnt waste any more time slipping through the door outside, pulling you with him.

„Wow your mum seems..."

-„I know." you scoffed and shut the door.

Cook took a deep breath as well.

„So you ready for the exam tomorrow?" He then asked.

Walking down the dark street you shrugged your shoulders at him. „I think so but to be honest I was too tired to make anything stay in my brain tonight."

He laughed lightly and replied:"Welcome to my world."

You gave him a quick glance before continuing to walk through the darkness.

It didnt make you uncomfortable being with Cook, even though in fact this was your first time being alone. You simply didn't know what to say to him. He was just too different from you.

„You wanna have some fun?" He broke the silence suddenly as you two walked towards a big building.

„Sure; whats that though?"

He gave you a devilish smirk. „Ever really partied before?"

You shook your head while Cook grabbed your hand to pull you towards the building. His hand was bigger than yours. And it was warm, it felt nice holding someone's hand. You'd never had a boyfriend to touch you but that little thing you got from him there was really nice though.

„Cook what is this place?" you asked when the red lights hit you right in the face. „You're gonna love it." He smiled at you, still holding your hand.

Once down in the basement you two met a bunch of people lining up in front of a big door.

You spotted a bouncer at front letting certain people in.

„I just need you to do one thing. Could you please flirt with that man so we can get in easier? They dont really like me here that much, you need to work with those."

Cook pointed at your boobs.

„Are you kidding?" You asked him, not believing a word he just said. „Please, I really think you'd like it, plus we dont got too much time left. I need to get you home in 40 minutes so just show him your tits and we can have some fun."

You scoffed at him but eventually pulled him up to the bouncer. The guy was around 25, attractive he was for sure but you didnt really know what to say.

„Oh you again, why dont you fuck off?" He looked at Cook.

You gave Cookie a serious look and then turned back to the bouncer. „Hi, I'm sorry I've never been here before; and my friend just told me I'd have a lot of fun in there. Dont you think you could let us in, please?" You gave him your puppy eyes and lightly bit your lip.

He looked inbetween you two and spoke:"This your girlfriend?" He was obviously speaking to Cook.

He just shook his head and you answered:"No sir he's not. We're just here to have fun. I promise we won't be here for long, just a bit of fun. Please sir?"

He breathed out and opened the door behind you. „Alright then sweetheart. And you, dont come here again after tonight." Cook grinned and pulled me inside the club, speaking a „cheers" to the bouncer before coming closer to my ear due to the loud music.

„Promise one thing y/n. Have fun. Let it all go and be free. Just for now."

You looked up at him, his face being lit by the colorful lights. He again smiled at you. „I promise." was all you said before basically jumping into the middle of the dance floor and letting yourself go. A upbeat song was playing and you just started jumping and dancing with Cook as if there was no tomorrow. He seemed to enjoy it as much as you did because he was laughing. You'd never seen him so cheerful and genuinely happy.

„Cookie?" you yelled against the loud music and grabbed onto his neck. „Thank you so much for bringing me here!"

He nuzzled his head in your neck and placed a soft kiss against your skin. „Just let go." You held onto his neck and danced with him again. His forehead rested against yours and your eyes kept locked. It felt like the world around you two had stopped. It felt like Cook and you were the only thing that mattered, as if it cured every worry in your body.

And before you could think about it, you pulled him close and placed your lips onto his. He kissed you back immediately but his kiss was different than you'd expected. It was softer, much more passionate that you'd ever imagined. His hands grabbed you by the waist until you let go of him and smiled brightly.

„Take me home Cook." He licked his lips and nodded as you two made your way through the crowd to the exit door.

Once the noise had quiet down and the only thing you could feel was your own heavy heartbeat and the cold air hitting you, you leaned against the wall. Cook did the same and let out a soft giggle.

„Did you have fun?" He asked and turned his head to look at you. „A lot." You smiled happily.

„Good. Yeah, good."

He stepped closer and placed both his hands on the wall next to your head. He looked down at you and licked his lips once again. „We still got 19 minutes. Sure you wanna go home now?"

Before you got to answer he had kissed you again. It felt too good to be true, his lips moving in perfect sync with yours. His hand on your neck and your hands in his hair.

He truly was a fantastic kisser.

And yet again, the world around you had stopped. Cook was the only thing that mattered to you and deep down you knew how wrong it all was but Cook made you feel worth it. Made you feel good about yourself.

After he let go of you, he grabbed your hand once again and you two slowly walked back to your house without saying another word.

You only caught him looking at you every now and then.

But as you stood in front of your house you turned to him and said:"Thank you Cook, I had a lot of fun in that just one hour." He laughed and replied:"Good. Im glad that I could at least make someone happy tonight."

You giggled as well before looking around to see if your mom was by any chance watching you. But the lights were off and the blinds were shut so you looked back at Cook and placed another quick kiss on his lips.

He didnt seem to be having it, so he pulled you even closer to have a proper harder kiss this time.

„I'll see you tomorrow then?" He asked and put a strand of hair behind your ear. „You see that balcony? Left window is mine. Next time make sure my mom doesnt see you."

He laughed his significant cook laugh and nodded. „Understood. But how soon would be too soon? I mean would it be inappropriate to show up in, lets say 10 minutes?"

-„Cook I'm really not the girl to..."

He grabbed your head and spoke:"No, no I just dont wanna go home yet and I wanna cuddle a bit. I'd be gone before your mum could notice anything."

„Cuddle" Cook wanted to cuddle, that was a first.

„Goodnight cook. See you tomorrow."

He nodded, let go of your hand and walked a couple of steps closer to the street.

„Its really warm tonight, I'll have to air out my room a bit though." you hinted and smiled at him before stepping inside the house. Before closing the front door you saw Cook smiling happily at you before looking up to your room for you to open the window for him. This boy was up for some closure he'd never had before.

#jamescook #skins #jack o’connell #cute #preference #preferences #imagine #relationship #love #bristol #e4 #i'mcook

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tisfan · 4 years

Text

Copied from Facebook; verified by a friend

From Joe Morice, daughters in 8th & 10th grade in Fairfax County Public Schools' Centreville Pyramid:

To our fellow FCPS families—this is it gang: 5 days until the 2 days in school vs. 100% virtual decision. Let’s talk it out, in my traditional mammoth TL/DR form.

Like all of you, I’ve seen my feed become a flood of anxiety and faux expertise. You’ll get no presumption of expertise here. This is how I am looking at and considering this issue and the positions people have taken in my feed and in the hundred or so FCPS discussion groups that have popped up. The lead comments in quotes are taken directly from my feed and those boards. Sometimes I try to rationalize them. Sometimes I’m just punching back at the void.

Full disclosure, we initially chose the 2 days option and are now having serious reservations. As I consider the positions and arguments I see in my feed, these are where my mind goes. Of note, when I started working on this piece at 12:19 PM today the COVID death tally in the United States stood at 133,420.

“My kids want to go back to school.”

I challenge that position. I believe what the kids desire is more abstract. I believe what they want is a return to normalcy. They want their idea of yesterday. And yesterday isn’t on the menu.

“I want my child in school so they can socialize.”

This was the principle reason for our 2 days decision. As I think more on it though, what do we think ‘social’ will look like? There aren’t going to be any lunch table groups, any lockers, any recess games, any study halls, any sitting next to friends, any talking to people in the hallway, any dances. All of that is off the menu. So, when we say that we want the kids to benefit from the social experience, what are we deluding ourselves into thinking in-building socialization will actually look like in the Fall?

“My kid is going to be left behind.”

Left behind who? The entire country is grappling with the same issue, leaving all children in the same quagmire. Who exactly would they be behind? I believe the rhetorical answer to that is “They’ll be behind where they should be,” to which I’ll counter that “where they should be” is a fictional goal post that we as a society have taken as gospel because it maps to standardized tests which are used to grade schools and counties as they chase funding.

“Classrooms are safe.”

At the current distancing guidelines from FCPS middle and high schools would have no more than 12 people (teachers + students) in a classroom (I acknowledge this number may change as FCPS considers the Commonwealth’s 3 ft with a mask vs. 6 ft position, noting that FCPS is all mask regardless of the distance). For the purpose of this discussion we’ll say classes run 45 minutes.

I posed the following question to 40 people today, representing professional and management roles in corporations, government agencies, and military commands: “Would your company or command have a 12 person, 45 minute meeting in a conference room?”

100% of them said no, they would not. These are some of their answers:

“No. Until further notice we are on Zoom.”

“(Our company) doesn’t allow us in (company space).”

“Oh hell no.”

“No absolutely not.”

“Is there a percentage lower than zero?”

“Something of that size would be virtual.”

We do not even consider putting our office employees into the same situation we are contemplating putting our children into. And let’s drive this point home: there are instances here when commanding officers will not put soldiers, ACTUAL SOLDIERS, into the kind of indoor environment we’re contemplating for our children. For me this is as close to a ‘kill shot’ argument as there is in this entire debate. How do we work from home because buildings with recycled air are not safe, because we don’t trust other people to not spread the virus, and then with the same breath send our children into buildings?

“Children only die .0016 of the time.”

First, conceding we’re an increasingly morally bankrupt society, but when did we start talking about children’s lives, or anyone’s lives, like this? This how the villain in movies talks about mortality, usually 10-15 minutes before the good guy kills him.

If you’re in this camp, and I acknowledge that many, many people are, I’m asking you to consider that number from a slightly different angle.

FCPS has 189,000 children. .0016 of that is 302. 302 dead children are the Calvary Hill you’re erecting your argument on. So, let’s agree to do this: stop presenting this as a data point. If this is your argument, I challenge you to have courage equal to your conviction. Go ahead, plant a flag on the internet and say, “Only 302 children will die.” No one will. That’s the kind action on social media that gets you fired from your job. And I trust our social media enclave isn’t so careless and irresponsible with life that it would even, for even a millisecond, enter any of your minds to make such an argument.

Considered another way: You’re presented with a bag with 189,000 $1 bills. You’re told that in the bag are 302 random bills, they look and feel just like all the others, but each one of those bills will kill you. Do you take the money out of the bag?

Same argument, applied to the 12,487 teachers in FCPS (per Wikipedia), using the ‘children’s multiplier’ of .0016 (all of us understanding the adult mortality rate is higher). That’s 20 teachers. That’s the number you’re talking about. It’s very easy to sit behind a keyboard and diminish and dismiss the risk you’re advocating other people assume. Take a breath and think about that.

If you want to advocate for 2 days a week, look, I’m looking for someone to convince me. But please, for the love of God, drop things like this from your argument. Because the people I know who’ve said things like this, I know they’re better people than this. They’re good people under incredible stress who let things slip out as their frustration boils over. So, please do the right thing and move on from this, because one potential outcome is that one day, you’re going to have to stand in front of St. Peter and answer for this, and that’s not going to be conversation you enjoy.

“Hardly any kids get COVID.”

(Deep sigh) Yes, that is statistically true as of this writing. But it is a cherry-picked argument because you’re leaving out an important piece.

One can reasonably argue that, due to the school closures in March, children have had the least EXPOSURE to COVID. In other words, closing schools was the one pandemic mitigation action we took that worked. There can be no discussion of the rate of diagnosis within children without also acknowledging they were among our fastest and most quarantined people. Put another way, you cannot cite the effect without acknowledging the cause.

“The flu kills more people every year.”

(Deep sigh). First of all, no, it doesn’t. Per the CDC, United States flu deaths average 20,000 annually. COVID, when I start writing here today, has killed 133,420 in six months.

And when you mention the flu, do you mean the disease that, if you’re suspected of having it, everyone, literally everyone in the country tells you stay the f- away from other people? You mean the one where parents are pretty sure their kids have it but send them to school anyway because they have a meeting that day, the one that every year causes massive f-ing outbreaks in schools because schools are petri dishes and it causes kids to miss weeks of school and leaves them out of sports and band for a month? That one? Because you’re right - the flu kills people every year. It does, but you’re ignoring the why. It’s because there are people who are a--holes who don’t care about infecting other people. In that regard it’s a perfect comparison to COVID.

“Almost everyone recovers.”

You’re confusing “release from the hospital” and “no longer infected” with “recovered.” I’m fortunate to only know two people who have had COVID. One my age and one my dad’s age. The one my age described it as “absolute hell” and although no longer infected cannot breathe right. The one my dad’s age was in the hospital for 13 weeks, had to have a trach ring put in because she could no longer be on a ventilator, and upon finally getting home and being faced with incalculable time in rehab told my mother, “I wish I had died.”

While I’m making every effort to reach objectivity, on this particular point, you don’t know what the f- you’re talking about.

“If people get sick, they get sick.”

First, you mistyped. What you intended to say was “If OTHER people get sick, they get sick.” And shame on you.

“I’m not going to live my life in fear.”

You already live your life in fear. For your health, your family’s health, your job, your retirement, terrorists, extremists, one political party or the other being in power, the new neighbors, an unexpected home repair, the next sunrise. What you meant to say was, “I’m not prepared to add ANOTHER fear,” and I’ve got news for you: that ship has sailed. It’s too late. There are two kinds of people, and only two: those that admit they’re afraid, and those that are lying to themselves about it.

As to the fear argument, fear is the reason you wait up when your kids stay out late, it’s the reason you tell your kids not to dive in the shallow water, to look both ways before crossing the road. Fear is the respect for the wide world that we teach our children. Except in this instance, for reasons no one has been able to explain to me yet.

“FCPS leadership sucks.”

I will summarize my view of the School Board thusly: if the 12 of you aren’t getting into a room together because it represents a risk, don’t tell me it’s OK for our kids. I understand your arguments, that we need the 2 days option for parents who can’t work from home, kids who don’t have internet or computer access, kids who needs meals from the school system, kids who need extra support to learn, and most tragically for kids who are at greater risk of abuse by being home. All very serious, all very real issues, all heartbreaking. No argument.

But you must first lead by example. Because you’re failing when it comes to optics. All your meetings are online. What our children see is all of you on a Zoom telling them it’s OK for them to be exactly where you aren’t. I understand you’re not PR people, but you really should think about hiring some.

“I talked it over with my kids.”

Let’s put aside for a moment the concept of adults effectively deferring this decision to children, the same children who will continue to stuff things into a full trash can rather than change it out. Yes, those hygienic children.

Listen, my 15 year old daughter wants a sport car, which she’s not getting next year because it would be dangerous to her and to others. Those kinds of decisions are our job. We step in and decide as parents, we don’t let them expose themselves to risks because their still developing and screen addicted brains narrow their understanding of cause and effect.

We as parents and adults serve to make difficult decisions. Sometimes those are in the form of lessons, where we try to steer kids towards the right answer and are willing to let them make a mistake in the hopes of teaching better decision making the next time around. This is not one of those moments. The stakes are too high for that. This is a “the adults are talking” moment. Kids are not mature enough for this moment. That is not an attack on your child. It is a broad statement about all children. It is true of your children and it was true when we were children. We need to be doing that thinking here, and “Johnny wants to see Bobby at school” cannot be the prevailing element in the equation.

“The teachers need to do their job.”

How is it that the same society which abruptly shifted to virtual students only three months ago, and offered glowing endorsements of teachers stating, “we finally understand how difficult your job is,” has now shifted to “screw you, do your job.” There are myriad problems with that position but for the purposes of this piece let’s simply go with, “You’re not looking for a teacher, you’re looking for the babysitter you feel your property tax payment entitles you to.”

“Teachers have a greater chance to being killed by a car than they do of dying from COVID.”

(Eye roll) Per the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS), the U.S. see approximately 36,000 auto fatalities a year. Again, there have been 133,420 COVID deaths in the United States through 12:09 July 10, 2020. So no, they do not have a great chance of being killed in a car accident.

And, if you want to take the actual environment into consideration, the odds of a teacher being killed in a car accident in their classroom, you know, the environment we’re actually talking about, that’s right around 0%.

“If the grocery store workers can be onsite what are the teachers afraid of?”

(Deep breath) A grocery store worker, who absolutely risks exposure, has either six feet of space or a plexiglass shield between them and individual adult customers who can grasp their own mortality whose transactions can be completed in moments, in a 40,000 SF space.

A teacher is with 11 ‘customers’ who have not an inkling what mortality is, for 45 minutes, in a 675 SF space, six times a day.

Just stop.

“Teachers are choosing remote because they don’t want to work.”

(Deep breaths) Many teachers are opting to be remote. That is not a vacation. They’re requesting to do their job at a safer site. Just like many, many people who work in buildings with recycled air have done. And likely the building you’re not going into has a newer and better serviced air system than our schools.

Of greater interest to me is the number of teachers choosing the 100% virtual option for their children. The people who spend the most time in the buildings are the same ones electing not to send their children into those buildings. That’s something I pay attention to.

“I wasn’t prepared to be a parent 24/7” and “I just need a break.”

I truly, deeply respect that honesty. Truth be told, both arguments have crossed my mind. Pre COVID, I routinely worked from home 1 – 2 days a week. The solace was nice. When I was in the office, I had an actual office, a room with a door I could close, where I could focus. During the quarantine that hasn’t always been the case. I’ve been frustrated, I’ve been short, I’ve gone to just take a drive and get the hell away for a moment and been disgusted when one of the kids sees me and asks me to come for a ride, robbing me of those minutes of silence. You want to hear silence. I get it. I really, really do.

Here’s another version of that, admittedly extreme. What if one of our kids becomes one of the 302? What’s that silence going to sound like? What if you have one of those matted frames where you add the kid’s school picture every year? What if you don’t get to finish the pictures?

“What does your gut tell you to do?”

Shawn and I have talked ad infinitum about all of these and other points. Two days ago, at mid-discussion I said, “Stop, right now, gut answer, what is it,” and we both said, “virtual.”

A lot of the arguments I hear people making for the 2 days sound like we’re trying to talk ourselves into ignoring our instincts, they are almost exclusively, “We’re doing 2 days, but…”. There’s a fantastic book by Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear, which I’ll minimize for you thusly: your gut instinct is a hardwired part of your brain and you should listen to it. In the introduction he talks about elevators, and how, of all living things, humans are the only ones that would voluntarily get into a soundproof steel box with a potential predator just so they could skip a flight of stairs.

I keep thinking that the 2 days option is the soundproof steel box. I welcome, damn, beg, anyone to convince me otherwise.

At the time I started writing at 12:09 PM, 133,420 Americans had died from COVID. Upon completing this draft at 7:04 PM, that number rose to 133,940.

520 Americans died of COVID while I was working on this. In seven hours.

The length of a school day.

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taekooktimeline · 4 years

Text

May 5, 2020

Taekook go on vlive together!! Almost as soon as the vlive starts, Tae jokingly says - while looking at Jk - “we can’t be friends”. Jk laughs and they continue the introduction. This sudden comment was made out of context - a “funny” way to complete Jk’s sentence, but with no apparent explanation for the chosen words - therefore we view it as an inside joke between the two that even caught Jk by surprise, letting out a small “huh?” before laughing right away. There’s a possibility Tae was alluding to the fact that they had to play along the lie of “being awkward as a result of drifting apart” and they both found it quite hilarious, probably due to the absurdity. They try to seem distant throughout the vlive (which they succeeded on judging by the general fandom thinking they looked awkward) but there is underlying humor coupled with some comical acting & slip-ups.

(Timestamp 0:37)

We can view the previous scene as Tae interacting with Jk’s sentence but it’s still made out of the blue. Jk said “we are kids today” because he got stuck on his words. He was supposed to say what Tae said after his joke: “우리 오늘 어린이날” = Today is children’s day.

This is what Jk said instead:

And Tae added “친구 안될” = “Can’t be friends” or what you see below if we take it as a single sentence (Tae ending Jk’s):

While it seems like the meaning of the combined sentence is directed towards “children”, it’s interesting that Tae’s first thought was “to not be friends” and took the opportunity to speak up as if it was swirling around in his mind. Remember they weren’t talking about anything at that moment, there is nothing within the rest of the video that could explain the joke and he adores children. If the narrative about them being precious friends that lost their deep bond & were now starting to feel awkward was true then Tae wouldn’t be joking about such a topic, or so we think, especially 3 weeks prior to the filming of the televised “reconnecting talk” that aired in September within Ep 6 of “In The Soop”). As said earlier, it seems like they find it humorous. Moving on.

They briefly hold hands. Tae offers his hand out of nowhere and Jk holds it with passion/force - as if he needed it - accidentally making them both hit the table.

(Timestamp 1:25)

Jk frowns as he tries not to laugh while asking Tae what he has been up to lately - because he already knows.

They end up cracking up anyways before Tae could even answer.

(Timestamp 1:33)

Tae says he once mentioned he was taking online courses.

Jk lets out a little chuckle and asks how it’s going.

Tae reveals he only studied for 4 days because that was the length of a course.

Jk knows what he’s doing when he asks if there weren’t any more courses to complete. Tae confirms there were many but it was difficult. Jk laughs some more, seeming like this was the reason he let out that first little chuckle - because he knew how it ended.

After the slight teasing he empathizes with Tae and normalizes it by stating that studying is not easy at all.

(Timestamp 2:35)

Less than 4 minutes after the vlive starts, Jk loudly yells “Taekook!” After reading it in the comment section. Jk says “Taekook” a total of 4 times in this specific moment, while Tae says it once for now. They say the name without discomfort. Despite the concept of the vlive Jk didn’t hide his excitement upon reading taekooker’s chants - reacting fast and sincerely to them.

(Timestamp 3:55)

Tae cutely asks Jk if he looks like a chicken. Jk agrees.

Jk smiles about it a couple seconds later and proceeds to quitely copy Tae’s words: “a chicken”. He must find him endearing.

(Timestamp 9:05)

Jk explains he had a dream in which he fought with Jin over his pants. Tae recalls & plays out a similar scene from the movie “Time to Hunt”.

Jk chuckles quite soundly.

He then reacts by copying a line from the drama “Itaewon Class” which Tae wrote & sang an OST for. He uses the right voice to say: “it’s fun”.

Tae laughs with a big smile.

(Timestamp 10:43)

In the second instance of saying “Taekook”, Tae is the one to initiate this time. He says it twice and Jk says it once this time. Again, they say it casually without appearing bothered by the name.

(Timestamp 12:15)

Tae is savage and plays a song that talks about wanting a vacation. He dances & says it’s a message for their boss. Jk smiles. As you can see Tae likes shady comments which falls in line with the initial “we can’t be friends” joke.

(Timestamp 18:25)

Tae starts telling the story of how he wrote a song for his Dad as a Parents’ Day gift.

Although Tae made it clear that he had already given the song to his dad, Jk makes a point to overly ask about it.

Tae is confused and asks Jk if he didn’t already know. It seems like Tae told him before.

Jk presses his lips

then frowns & gives Tae a pointed look without muttering a word.

Jk is also keeps pressing his lips in an irritated manner. He can’t say what he wants to say. Tae understands and tries to backtrack by saying he told someone else - not Jk. Tae momentarily forgot he was supposed to act like they weren’t close.

You can see & hear how Tae sulks.

Jk keeps that irritated face for a little longer. It’s probably due to the frustration of having to act rather than the slip-up.

He presses his lips once more before moving on.

(Timestamp 25:12)

Tae and Jk talk about the series “Itaewon Class” briefly (remember, Tae wrote the OST “Sweet Night” for this series).

Jk repeats the prior line “it’s fun”

Tae feels comfortable enough around Jk that he briefly acts out a skit, deepening his voice as he quotes the show.

(Timestamp 26:43-27:30)

Tae forgets one of his BT21 character’s names and asks Jk who remembers right away.

(Timestamp 29:18)

Tae is bothered by his long bangs and Jk is hypnotized as he looks at him.

Jk breaks out of it after blinking in excess as he softly suggests he should trim them.

(Timestamp 31:36)

Jk is once again hypnotized.

His gaze follows Tae as the latter talks with staff and moves through the room.

He forces himself to look away quite ungracefully as if he catched himself with his guard down.

(Timestamp 32:21)

There’s a funny moment where Tae pretends to get mad at Jk for using the glue gun arguing army might get hurt.

(Timestamp 32:52)

Continuation of the above ordeal.

(Timestamp 37:14)

A request in the comments asks Jk to sing Lauv’s “Never Not.”

Tae asks Jk if he has sung it before.

Then does an unnatural “ohooo” as a reaction.

Tae - still being a jokester - asks Jk to sing the Parents’ Day version as if he sang to his dad. Since it’s a romantic song Jk looks at him weirdly and they laugh together.

Tae uses a soft and honeyed tone to request.(Timestamp 40:24; 41:27 for his soft voice).

Tae says he can’t believe Jk covered this song that he loves so much (acting surprised?).

(Timestamp 41:44)

Jungkook says he received the “Never Not” instrumental some time ago but couldn’t cover it until now for “some reasons”. Not sure about the relevancy of this but it sounds strange.

(Timestamp 41:55)

Tae plays the song and Taekook get playful in dancing and singing.

(Timestamp of when Tae begins playing the song is at about 42:55; all above moments from part 1 - http://www.vlive.tv/video/189674)

The vlive disconnects so they start a second video. Part two of the vlive picks up where the first left off, with Taekook covering “Never Not” for a second time shortly after the start of the video. It appears staff may have told Taekook to sing again based on where their eyes are when they ask why they’re playing the song again. They’re told it’s due to the disconnection of the first vlive.

They play the song while singing and dancing together.

(Timestamp 1:37-3:14)

Tae abruptly stops the vlive by saying “hey hey, whoa whoa, calm down”. Jk doesn’t seem at all surprised by the sudden stopping of the music. He even repeats “calm down”. He doesn’t ask “why?” or appear confused.

(Timestamp 3:15-3:26)

This has led to speculation that there was an agreement for the song to be stopped at a certain point. Taekookers have pointed out the song played for exactly 1 minute and 23 seconds (123 theory). Based on Tae checking his phone before stopping Jk, stopping the song mid-sentence, and Jk’s unsurprised face/reaction to the abrupt stop of the music, it’s an interesting theory, but it’s one the reader must consider for themselves. Tae goes to check the phone at 1:21:

And ends it at 1:23:

(Screenshots from Peachlesslyyy - who goes into more detail in her analysis here - https://youtu.be/_28tA7MHKT8, timestamp starting at 2:52)

Jk and Tae both compliment each other. Tae discusses his hair and Jk chimes up that Tae looks best in everything.

To which Tae replies that it’s nice to hear that from Jk, who looks best in everything.

Jk chuckles in embarrassment. They both give fake playful laughs after, Tae’s being very loud as if they were playing with someone.

(Timestamp 5:11-5:31)

They’re asked to make a heart. They make individual hearts then make one together.

(Timestamp 7:34)

Tae says sorry for being late and explains it was the traffic’s fault. Jk says he could have predicted the traffic jam but then confesses he is often late & isn’t one to talk. They start talking playfully. Jk laughs.

Jk doubts it with a little “oh?”

Tae defends himself using the soft honeyed voice and rising head movements. Jk lets him win.

(Timestamp 5:34)

Tae reads out “Kiss” from the comments and plays dumb (subs censored the actual word & replaced it with “cass”). He then proceeds to sing a song with the lyrics “kiss me”. Jk is suddenly very interested in the screen. Tae also sings part of an additional love song and talks about his english level. All of this makes it obvious that the word he read was the English word “kiss” that a taekooker wrote.

(Timestamp 12:12)

For a third time, Tae and Jk say the name “Taekook”. Tae reads off the comment “Taekook forever” and Jk says in a sing-song voice “foreverrr”. Again, they seem happy to say the name “Taekook” which, keep in mind, they’re not obligated to say.

(Timestamp 15:15)

Speculation - why, when Tae’s comment clearly says “Taekook forever” does the subtitle have it as “V and Jungkook forever”? Is it part of hinting in a subtle but psychological way - BH wanting, in essence, to show Tae and Jk as people separate from their ship? By utilizing their names instead of their ship name, it does show them as real people instead of just a ship. They mention “Taekook” in two other occasions before this but the subtitle isn’t changed, only for this final one.

Tae and Jk say comments in different languages. Tae asks Jk to say “I love you” to Swedish ARMY. At first Jk says it in Korean, but Tae asks him to say it in English, which Jk then does.

After saying “I love you” in English, Jk looks back at Tae briefly.

(Timestamp 17:58-18:07).

Tae asked Jk if his experimental hairstyle looked good on him a total of 5 times and Jk always reassured him.

(Timestamp 23:00)

Jk asks Tae to say some last words and there is this moment of exchange of looks and smiles.

(Timestamp 24:30)

Jk brings up the awkwardness of the vlive for the 3rd time. He reasons it’s the lack of habit - which is probably true - but we wonder if he was also saying it to follow through with the plan of giving the viewer a certain impression.

Tae agrees with Jk.

Jk then stares at Tae.

He scans Tae’s face a bit & they silently lock eyes for a moment (which honestly comes off as a tender moment).

Jk breaks eye contact and lightly laughs when Tae ends the moment with a small “내” = “yeah”, probably finding him cute.

(Timestamp 25:27)

Tae asks if he can give a spoiler, and it appears he’s asking in regards to the upcoming personal album BTS plans to release in Oct. We can base this on him briefly mentioning Yoongi spoiling things about the upcoming album, and then Tae asks if he can say what Jimin’s role is, to which Jk whispers “say it”.

Tae still looks at Jk for reassurance despite receiving approval from staff.

Jk delicately prods him on (extremely softly).

Instead, Tae makes an interesting comment and says he is going to have a meeting after the vlive about what his image will be for ARMY (since Tae’s role for the album is being the visual director).

Jk laughs and scrunches up his nose at the change of heart -

(Timestamp 26:07)

Jk mentions he usually doesn’t dream about his group members.

Tae looks down (in both senses) and makes a sound with his mouth. This causes Jk to check up on him.

Jk then finds it necessary to justify it by softly saying it's because they always spend time together.

(Timestamp 27:20 - all moments above are part 2- http://www.vlive.tv/video/189708)

They started the vlive with a gap between them, and ended close together:

Taekook/vkook trend worldwide after this vlive and smash records. At one point, it had 2 million tweets.

Notable stats that show Taekook support is strong: 10M views on Vlive combined, over 500 million hearts on vlive, 1 million tweets in real time and counting, 1 million likes on the seleca within 3 hours, #1 trending topic worldwide, in the US, and in multiple countries AFTER ONLY BEING ON THE VLIVE FOR 15 MINUTES. They trended at #1 for almost 4 hours. They still trended in the day at the #5-6 position. Multiple names trended – Taekook, KOOKV and VKOOK being examples. Dispatch posts the selca on their Instagram. Dispatxh did NOT post any other vlive seleca, only Taekook’s. 14 hours after the two vlives were posted, they had a combined 16.4 million views and over 830 million hearts.

Seleca:

(https://twitter.com/bts_twt/status/1257577057862610951?s=21)

The vlive and seleca were iconic enough for Dispatch and other media outlets, like metro, to cover it.

(metro link: https://twitter.com/metro_ents/status/1257594769229975552?s=21)

Fun fact!

Funny fact - Vpick on taekook vlive: subtitle 😂🙈🤐🥴

#taekook #taekooktimeline #2020 #may 2020 #200505 #may 5 2020 #flirting #playfulness #fondness #nose scrunchs #hints #duets #stares #compliments

67 notes · View notes

soobiniebaby · 4 years

Text

Angels & Devils Part XI : I’m Yours, You’re Mine

A n g e l s & D e v i l s || Tomorrow x Together Fanfiction

~ p a r t s : main post || prologue || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4 || part 5 || part 6 || part 7 || part 8 || part 9 || part 10 || part 11 || part 12 || part 13 || part 14 || part 15 || part 16 || part 17 ~ p a i r i n g : love triangle involving choi soobin and choi yeonjun ~ g e n r e : high school au | some social media au | some fluff & angst | childhood friends | love triangle ~ l a n g u a g e : English ~ w a r n i n g : contains swearing, alcohol, kissing (?) and may contain mature themes (angst, etc.) ~ a / n : This will be my first fanfic (go easy on me pls) and i’m just writing this as I go along, so bear with me juseyo The setting (place/country) of the story is up to the reader’s interpretation ~ s u m m a r y : What should she choose? Han Baby: the new girl with a troubled past MO Academy: her new high school Choi Soobin: student council president, member of the Ecosave club, volunteer at the Humane Treatment of Animals, member of the Honor Society, a vocalist in the Jazzed club, the school’s all around golden boy Choi Yeonjun: leader of the Dance club, star of the Jazzed club, the school’s it boy with a bad rep 5 best friends, 1 new girl, 1 childhood friendship, 1 epic love triangle? What will this school year bring?

Over the weekend, B and Kai had spent most of their time lounging around the living room, finishing the entire season of It’s Okay to Not Be Okay on Netflix on Saturday and having a movie marathon on Sunday. They ordered all their meals and had all the food they wanted delivered to the apartment, their food cravings ranging from donuts and milk tea to egg tarts and mint chocolate ice cream. It felt like one of the many sleepovers they used to have when they were kids, only now it was just the 2 of them in a place of their own, without nosy siblings or strict parents to bother them or tell them what they could or couldn’t do.

Other than stuffing their faces with food and drowning their emotions in Netflix, they finally had all the time in the world to do all the catching up that they hadn’t been able to, asking questions and telling stories about what they had missed out on each other’s lives through the years.

“First kiss?” B asks.

“Oh, I think I was in the 7th grade, and it was with Im Yeojin. You?”

“Lucas Wong. A couple of years ago.” B responds.

Kai shakes his head. “That guy was your first kiss ever? Lucas? Your ex?”

B nods. “The one and only. Next question please?”

“Alright, worst ex?” Kai asks intentionally.

“Ningning, you know I’ve only had 1 boyfriend.”

“Yes, and he was the worst! He had the audacity to cheat on you! And all because you wouldn’t ‘put out?’ He's lucky I lived 3 hours away or else I would’ve kicked his ass.” Kai says, huffing.

B laughs, trying to swallow down the lump in her throat that formed whenever she talked about her horrible ex boyfriend. There was so much more to their relationship than him cheating on her cause she wouldn’t put out, but she wasn’t ready to let her best friend know all about it just yet. “Thanks, but judging by the size of his biceps, I don’t think that could’ve ever happened anyway.”

Kai pouts. “Are you saying I should start going to the gym?”

B laughs at him dismissively before changing the subject.

Also, sharing a living space with another person was also a bit of an adjustment for B since she had already gotten used to living alone. Her apartment only had one bathroom which she now shared with Kai, and now she had to keep all her personal toiletries set aside and her feminine hygiene products kept away, not wanting a repeat of the horrifying moment when her best friend walked out of the bathroom with his face all red.

“What happened to you?” she had asked, noticing how flushed he looked after being in the bathroom for 20 minutes.

“You know that when I’m, um, taking a shit I like to read the back of labels of whatever I see in the bathroom, right?” Kai starts slowly.

“Okay, weird, but go on.”

He takes a big gulp before continuing. “Well, let’s just say I now know how to properly put on a tampon. And let me just say, I’m glad I wasn’t born a woman.”

After that incident, B made sure to keep all feminine hygiene products hidden away in the bathroom cabinets. She ensured to leave a stack of random books and magazines on the bathroom counters so Kai would have something to read when doing his business. Other than that, B also had to remind herself that it was no longer socially acceptable to walk around her apartment in nothing but a tshirt and underwear on, since she had gotten used to roaming the space without worrying about other people seeing what she looked like. She usually went to bed in just a shirt and underwear and roll out of bed and straight into the kitchen for breakfast without a care in the world. Now, she had to double check and make sure that she was wearing bottoms and a bra before stepping out of her bedroom.

Even though there were many things she hadn’t considered before inviting a guy to stay in her apartment, she had to admit that it was nice to have company around. She hadn’t realized how lonely it was to live alone until Kai had come along, and now she was already sort of dreading the day when he’d get better and move out. She was starting to consider finding a room mate before then, knowing that she’d feel lonely once her company had to leave.

Come Monday morning, B woke up feeling excited. She rolled out of bed, put on a pair of shorts, and made her way to the kitchen, only to be surprised by the sight of breakfast already prepared on the table. A plate full of bacon and sunny side up eggs, a bowl full of fresh fruit and cereal, and a glass of blue lemonade were all neatly laid out on the table, and Kai was sitting there with an apron still tied around his waist. When he saw B step out from her room, he immediately greeted her “Wakey wakey Baba, time to go back to school!”

B rubs the sleep from her eyes, making sure she wasn’t just dreaming that Kai had prepared breakfast for her. Once the smell of freshly cooked bacon filled wafted in the air, she immediately brightens up and walks on over to give her best friend a hug.

“Ningning, you did all this for me? Thank you so much!” she says in awe.

“Yup, I wanted to make it special since it’ll be your first day back at MOA today.” Kai says. “Now hurry up before it gets cold. You have to be ready in 40 minutes.”

B all but gobbles up all the food that Kai had prepared for her before jumping into the shower, drying her hair, putting on some make up and changing into her school uniform, making sure she had everything she needed before letting Kai walk her to the front door.

“Have fun, Baba!” Kai says.

“Sure thing. Make sure to keep the door locked and call me if you need anything.” she says, waving goodbye before making her way downstairs to meet Taehyun.

As soon as Taehyun sees her, his eyes visibly light up.

“B! Finally, I’ve missed you so much.” he says, waving hello before stretching his arms out towards her. “Come here!”

B excitedly runs up, preparing to hug Taehyun, until at the last minute he folds his hands across his chest and takes a step back, which stops her in her tracks.

“On second thought, don’t touch me. You may be medically cleared already, but since Hyuka’s staying with you, you might still be carrying the pox.” he says. It’s only then when she notices that he was wearing a face mask and had a small spray bottle of alcohol hanging from his school ID lace.

She smiles at him sheepishly. “I missed you too, you know.” she says, opting to wrap her arms around her own torso instead.

He laughs at her silly antics before following suit, wrapping his arms around himself. “Let’s just pretend that we’re hugging right now.”

B nods. “Alrighty. Thanks, Tyun.”

“Don’t mention it. Now come on, put on your face mask and make sure you have hand sanitizer before we go.” he says, adjusting the mask on his face.

She puts on a mask and puts a small bottle of hand sanitizer in her pocket before they start making their way to school.

“I’ve missed these walks of ours.” B says happily, breathing in the morning air.

“I’ve missed them too. And I’ve missed you. School was a bit boring without you, and walking to school alone just didn’t feel the same.”

“How have things at MOA been, apart from the health protocols? And how are the guys?” B asks.

“Apart from the implementation of health protocols, school has pretty much been the same. The guys miss you. I think they’re excited to see you.” Taehyun responds.

“I miss them too.” B says, sighing. She and Yeonjun had FaceTimed every night through the weekend, but she missed him, and she felt a bit sad that they had to cancel their supposed last date. She had to admit that she missed the other guys too. “What makes you think they’re excited to see me, though?”

“They told me to ask you if you could meet them by the front gate of MOA before classes start this morning.” Taehyun says.

“Oh? They did? Weird, but okay. I wonder why.” B says, trying to think of why they might want to meet up. “How have you been? Has anything in your life changed in the past week?” she asks.

Taehyun shrugs. “Not really, same old same old. Just the usual studying at school and working at the café.” he says. “What about you? How have you been doing?”

B shrugs too, mimicking his response. “I’ve been good, nothing much going on.” she says casually, which was a lie. She wanted to tell him about Yeonjun and about how he asked her out and all the dates he put together, but a part of her was scared about how he’d react, so she thought it would be better to tell him when the time was right.

As she and Taehyun approach the campus, her eyes catch sight of 3 familiar figures standing right outside of the gates, particularly to the head of blue hair.

B feels her heart jump out of her chest, speeding up her walking, and Taehyun runs to catch up to her as she starts waving her arms in the air the closer they got until the 3 boys look up in her direction and they all wave back.

“Seriously, you 3, why aren’t you wearing face masks?” Taehyun says as they meet the 3 boys outside the gate.

“Well good morning to you too, Tyun.” Beomgyu says playfully. “Relax, we’re not within campus grounds so we don’t have to wear masks yet.”

B laughs at their banter. “I think Tyun’s just worried that you’ll catch Kai’s chicken pox germs if you stand too close to me without a mask on.” she jokes. “So, why are we meeting up here outside the gates instead of at the front steps like we usually do?”

“Hey, B! Good to see you again.” Beomgyu says.

“Well, you see, there are new health protocols set in place on campus right now, and as members of the student council, we can never be caught violating any rules set within the school.” Yeonjun begins, smiling at her brightly, like there was a secret that only the 2 of them shared.

“Alright, and…?” B asks, not sure where they were going with this.

“And before we go in and start off another week of school, there’s just this 1 health protocol we’d like to violate.” Beomgyu continues.

“Okay, which one? Is it the face mask thing? Why are we standing outside the school gates?” B asks, still confused.

“So we can do this.” Soobin says, before taking a step towards B with arms outstretched and pulling her into him, his whole body engulfing her in a hug.

He feels time stop the moment his arms wrap themselves around her body, her face buried in his chest, the top of her head inches away from his chin, the smell of her lavender-scented shampoo tickling his nose, his hands resting on the curves in her waist.

When Soobin woke up feeling excited that day, he told himself it was just because he was excited to start a new week of school, but deep down he knew that wasn’t the case.

When the guys suggested that they wait for B outside the school gates so that they could greet her a proper ‘welcome back,’ he felt a flutter in his chest, and he told himself that it was just because he was happy that their group would be complete again (minus Kai), but deep down, he knew he was only fooling himself.

When he and the guys stood outside the school gates waiting for B and Taehyun to arrive, he could feel his heart start to beat even faster in anticipation, and he told himself it was just because he was looking forward to see their friend again after a whole week, but he knew there was more to it than that.

When he saw her waving her arms in the air and walking towards them, he felt his breath catch in his throat, and he told himself it was just because he was surprised to see her looking so radiant and healthy knowing how badly sick she was, but he knew it was because of how he was just now realizing how beautiful she really was.

When he took a step towards her and engulfed her delicate figure in his arms, feeling the warmth of her body against his, a feeling washed over him unlike anything he’s experienced before, as if by having her in his arms everything in the world was finally falling into place and the pounding in his chest and the flutter of butterfly wings in his stomach finally made sense, and it was at that moment he knew with absolute certainty just what it was.

It was her. It was B.

He didn’t know how it came to be, or why exactly it happened, but all he knew was that it was her.

It was him realizing that he was falling in love with her.

And the feeling hit him so suddenly with such clarity that for a moment, it felt like the whole world stood still, as his breath seemed to catch in his throat and time seemed to stop as he held her in his arms, savoring the moment and all the emotions that were hitting him all at once.

She lets out a surprised squeal as Soobin pulls her in, only to be muffled by her face being buried in his chest as they embrace.

“Soobinie!” she says, laughing in surprise. “I missed you too.”

Soobin smiles to himself, tempted to rest his chin on her head, but he was aware of the presence of their friends, so he slowly lets her go, his eyes meeting Taehyun’s as he does, and Taehyun’s expression quickly changes as he realizes what was happening.

Taehyun raises his brows in question, and Soobin gives him a quick and discreet nod in response, to which Taehyun shakes his head.

Soobin keeps his head down to conceal the blush creeping into his face as B steps away and Beomgyu tackles her into a hug.

“We missed you so much! I wish I could’ve gotten an excuse to skip school for a week too, though.” Beomgyu says slyly.

“Hey, I did not skip school! I called you everyday to listen in on lectures, remember?” B says defensively, hitting Beomgyu’s chest. “If you wanna stay at home so bad, maybe you should come over to my place. I’m sure Hyuka would gladly give you a big hug, along with the chicken pox of course.”

Beomgyu steps away and holds his hands up in the air in front of him. “No way, I don’t want chicken pox. I’d rather endure school than have hideous spots all over my body.”

B looks at him offended. “You think I have hideous spots all over my body?” she says through gritted teeth.

“Oh, now you’ve done it, Gyu.” Taehyun says, watching as Beomgyu runs away from B to hide behind him. “Don’t worry B, I’ll help you kidnap him after school. I think Hyuka would like to have an extra playmate.”

“I never said that!” Beomgyu cries, running from Taehyun to Yeonjun now, hiding behind the blue haired boy. “B, you look beautiful as always. If anything, the spots just accentuate your beauty.” he says desperately.

B scoffs. “Oh shut up. You’re lucky I like you, or else I would’ve slapped you so hard that the spots would transfer from my skin to yours.”

Yeonjun laughs, shielding Beomgyu behind him. “Wow, I never pegged you to be violent.” he says.

B shrugs. “I’m not. I’m just saying, I could slap someone if I wanted to.”

Yeonjun shakes his head, pulling her into his arms. “Welcome back, Baby.” he whispers in her ear, giving her a quick peck on the cheek and slowly stroking the small of her back, making sure that the other boys don’t see, before letting her go.

Once she pulls away, her face is noticeably red, and Yeonjun can’t help but laugh. God, she looked adorable. He gives her a quick wink before saying “And now that that’s settled, shall we head to class?”

The 3 boys put on their facemasks and let B lead the way into the school gates, each of them having their body temperatures checked and their hands disinfected before walking through the gates.

As B walks ahead of the boys, the 4 boys pair off.

Beomgyu slings an arm around Yeonjun’s shoulders, keeping his voice low as he says “So now that’s she’s back, will you guys have the talk now?”

“What talk?” Yeonjun asks.

“The talk? The relationship talk. You know, the talk about your feelings and where you guys stand and what your label is and stuff like that.” Beomgyu says knowingly. “If the 2 of you don’t want to put a label on whatever it is you 2 are, then you should at least let the other guys know that you’re dating.”

Yeonjun shrugs. “Don’t worry, Gyu. I’ve got it all planned out, you’ll see. I’ve been planning this for days now, but considering that we’re at school, I’ll have to make do. At the end of the day, we might even let you guys know about us.” he responds, his eyes glued to the girl in front of them, which automatically puts a smile on his face. “I’m gonna make that girl mine.”

Meanwhile, Taehyun attempts to sling his arm around Soobin’s shoulders, but with the other boy being much taller and walking a bit faster, he settled for interlocking his arm around Soobin’s instead.

“Oh, hey Tyun.” Soobin says, surprised by the sudden lock on his arm. “What’s up?”

“’What’s up?’” Taehyun says, mimicking him. “You tell me. All your questions about falling in love and stuff…were they about B? Is it her? Are you in love with—”

Soobin cuts him off. “Shhh, the other guys might hear you!” he says, hurriedly looking around and seeing that no one was within ear shot. “Yes, it’s about her. Let’s talk about this later, okay? Alone.”

Taehyun sighs. “Fine, but wow, I should’ve known. I had a feeling it was her. You 2 would make a great couple.” he says teasingly.

“Oh shut up, you know-it-all.” Soobin says, flustered. “I’m sure you would’ve figured it out sooner or later anyway, you’re too damn smart, you know?”

Taehyun laughs. “It doesn’t take a genius to see that you’ve got it bad, Binnie.” he says. “Let’s talk about it soon, okay? Just hang in there.”

Soobin sighs, his eyes focus on the girl walking in front of them. “Trust me, I’m trying.”

•°•

B had to admit that Yeonjun’s sudden request had her heart fluttering, but more than anything it got her head buzzing with curiosity. Within 5 minutes she had excused herself from class, 3rd period biology which she didn’t share with any of the guys, and she was on her way to the student council room, which she had only been to once before with Soobin and Yeonjun. Technically, she was cutting class, but a few minutes probably wouldn’t hurt.

B takes a deep breath, not knowing what quite to expect, before turning the knob on the double doors to the student council room, taking a step inside.

The room was dark, the blackout curtains doing their job, and was only illuminated by the light spilling in from the door and a set of candles in the middle of the conference table, which also highlighted the fact that the conference table seemed to be overflowing with blue rose petals.

And there was Yeonjun, leaning against the table, a single blue rose in his hand. It’s only then when B looks down and notices that the carpeted floor all the way from the entrance of the room to the spot where Yeonjun was standing by the conference table was littered with blue rose petals.

“Yeonjun? What is this?” B asks, stepping inside and closing the door behind her, the only source of light in the room now coming from the candles. She removes her face mask, noticing that he wasn’t currently wearing one, and pockets it in her blazer.

“Baby. Come here.” he says, patting the spot on the table beside him. B walks over to the table, stepping on countless blue petals as she did so, and once she reaches him, Yeonjun takes her by surprise and carries her, lifting her up and setting her down on the table.

“Yeonjun!” she squeals in surprise, clinging on to him for dear life. As her bottom hits the table, she lets go and whacks his arm. “You surprised me!” she huffs, surprised by his sudden maneuver. “And you’re breaking the health protocols! What’s all this for anyway?”

He stands in front of her, simply staring at her, admiring how she looked in the candlelight. A few blue petals had fallen over the edge when he set her down on the table, but that didn’t bother him. He had skipped the entirety of 3rd period to prepare for this moment, so he wouldn’t let anything distract him now.

“All this?” he simply says. Upon seeing the confused look on her face, he takes a step towards her, situating himself in between her dangling legs, and he rests his hands on either side of her, his palms laid flat on the table just centimeters away from her thighs. The whole mood in the room shifted from playful to something different with just that simple action. “All this is for you.”

B could feel her heart start to pound in her chest again. She tried to keep a level head but Yeonjun was standing so close that she could smell him, the scent of his cologne now very familiar to her, and she could feel parts of his uniform lightly tickling at her inner thighs where he stood, sending shivers down her spine. “For me? Why?”

“Because, Baby, you deserve it. You deserve all of it.” he begins carefully, slowly, his gaze locking her in place. “I told you I want to give you all the good things you deserve, and during the past week I tried. Those dates meant a lot to me and I can only hope that you enjoyed them half as much as I did. My plans were cut short because of your unexpected temporary roommate,” he says, fondly referring to Kai, “and maybe I should’ve waited a little bit longer to do this, but I don’t think I can keep this to myself any longer.”

B looks down then, her cheeks starting to heat up. She sees how close his hands are to her thighs and her mouth goes dry. He was standing so close. “What are you talking about?” she says, her eyes transfixed on his hands.

Her eyes follow as he raises one hand to cup her face, lifting it up slightly to meet his gaze. “I want you, Baby.” he says, looking right into her eyes. “I want you to be mine.”

B takes a deep breath, finding herself unable to look away, before she says “I want you, too.”

And with those words, Yeonjun couldn’t resist any longer. He leaned forward, closing what little distance was left between them, and pulled her face up to his, their lips crashing together.

~ w a r n i n g : makeout scene ~

Praying that he couldn’t hear her pounding heartbeat, B returns the kiss with equal fervor, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him even closer. Her fingers entwine themselves in the hair at the nape of his neck, effectively disheveling his blue hair.

Yeonjun’s hands inch away from the table and come in direct contact with her thighs, the sudden warmth of his palms on her bare skin causing B’s mouth to open a little to let out a breath of surprise. She feels him smile against her lips, amused by her reaction, before taking the opportunity to trace her lower lip with his tongue, seeking entrance, which she allows.

His hands start to move slowly up her body then, he slides them up from her thighs to her waist, her skirt hiking up a few inches higher in the process. He breaks the kiss, allowing a moment for them to catch their breaths, before bowing his head down, his lips coming in contact with the sensitive skin on her neck.

“Oh god.” B breathes out, surprised by the contact, and again she feels his lips form a smile against her skin. She tilts her head backwards, his lips trailing kisses along her exposed skin, her heavy breaths starting to make her feel lightheaded.

Just as he’s about to pull away, his lips brush against the dip in her collarbone, causing her to wrap her legs around his waist and her fingers in his hair to dig in deeper, her body reacting to him before her mind could grasp what was happening.

“Fuck.” he breathes against her skin, feeling himself start to lose control.

B’s grip loosens then, her hands dropping from his hair to rest on his shoulders, her breathing heavy as she lets her head fall forward to rest on the top of his head, his face still buried in her neck. “Sorry.” she whispers, trying to control the rise and fall of her chest.

His grip on her waist remains tight, her blouse bunched up in his fists, his head buried in her neck as he tries to calm himself down, his breath coming out through clenched teeth. For a moment, they stay like that, until Yeonjun’s grip gradually starts to loosen, letting go of the fabric of her blouse as his hands go from clenching her waist to gently tracing circles on the now exposed skin on her hips.

~ end of makeout scene ~

“You…” he begins slowly, lifting his head and letting it rest against her forehead, their breaths mingling. “You drive me crazy, you know?”

She lets out a small laugh, shaking her head lightly against his. “Not really, no.”

He laughs too, reaching a hand up to caress her hair, his eyes on hers once again. “Baby.” he simply says.

“Yes?” she responds, unable to stop a smile from creeping on her face. He smiles too, his heart fluttering, and he takes a deep breath before saying the next few words.

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

She nods her head eagerly, their foreheads rubbing together. “Choi Yeonjun, I’m all yours.” she says, laughing upon seeing his bright smile. She kisses his nose, then his forehead and each of his cheeks. He starts laughing as she showers his face with light kisses. “I’m yours, you’re mine, Baby.” he says, the feeling washing over him.

“You think it’s safe to let everyone know now?” Yeonjun asks her, remembering how he promised Beomgyu they’d tell the rest of the boys about it soon.

B nods, biting her lip as she thinks of how people would react to the news. Yeonjun was her boyfriend. “Yes.”

He uses his thumb to free her lower lip from her teeth, gently tracing it before kissing her softly again. “Let’s tell the guys later. At lunch.” he says, referring to their daily lunchbreaks spent at the gazebo.

“Sure.” she says. Then she pulls away and pushes herself off the table, straightening out her uniform as she does so. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a Biology class to get back to.”

Yeonjun smirks, watching her pull her skirt down and tuck the hem of her blouse back in, straightening her blazer and running her fingers through her hair. It gave him some sort of satisfaction, knowing that he had gotten her so disheveled. He leans back against the table, running a hand through his hair and straightening out his necktie as well, keeping his hands in the front pockets of his trousers.

“Aren’t you coming back to class?” B asks, pulling the face mask out of her blazer pocket and putting securing it over her nose and mouth. “There’s only a few more minutes, and then it’ll be our lunch break.”

Yeonjun shakes his head. “I never went to third period.” he admits. “You better get back to class and surrender your hall pass though. I’ll meet you at the gazebo for lunch.” he says.

B’s mouth drops open. “You skipped third period?” she exclaims. “Please promise me you won’t skip classes again, please?” she pouts.

He laughs, taking her hand and pulling her closer. “I promise. Except for when my father requests it, though. But this is the last non-business related time I skip class.” he says, kissing the back of her hand. “You better hurry back, the bell rings in about 10 minutes.”

“Oh my god, I am so dead!” she squeals, her eyes widen as starts to pull away, but Yeonjun’s grip on her wrist keeps her in place.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” he says pointedly, his brow raised.

“Oh.” she simply says, before standing on her tiptoes and using a finger to pull her mask down, giving him a quick peck on the lips before pulling the mask back up. “That?”

He laughs, shaking his head. “You are adorable. I meant this,” he says, planting the single blue rose in her free hand. “but thanks, Baby.”

She blushes beet red then, straightening out her blazer one last time and quickly saying “See you at lunch, Yeonjun!” before dashing out the door.

He uses the remaining 10 minutes of 3rd period to distract himself from his thoughts by cleaning up all the rose petals he had set up. He wasn’t expecting things to get so heated, he only wanted to ask her to be his girlfriend, but he had to admit that he was pleasantly surprised by the turn of events. Just thinking about how she had reacted to his touches and how adorably flustered she got made him smile to himself, but the memory of her wrapping her legs around his waist and tilting her head back sent his mind wandering into the very place he was trying to distract himself from in the first place.

He sighs, shaking his head as he forced his thoughts to go focus into another mindset instead. He checks his watch, the petals all put away in a garbage bag. As the lunch bell rings, he grabs his things and locks the student council room behind him, putting on a face mask before making his way to the gazebo where he would meet his friends and his girlfriend for lunch.

Now he just had to tell his friends about his girlfriend.

•°•

When B got back to her Biology class, the teacher fortunately didn’t seem to notice that she was gone for well over 5 minutes, but her friends definitely did. When she sat back down beside Ryujin and Yuna, they definitely noticed how long her absence was, and they took note of how flushed she looked, and of the blue rose that he had haphazardly tucked under her blazer.

“Spill it. Now.” the 2 girls eagerly say, eyeing her like a hawk.

“Yeonjun asked me to meet up with him at the student council room.” B whispers to them, making sure that they were the only ones within earshot.

“Ooh, a steamy secret rendezvous in the middle of class?” Ryujin says teasingly.

“No, it wasn’t like that.” B aggressively whispers back, well-aware of how her cheeks were heating up as she tries to push away thoughts of Yeonjun’s lips on her neck.

“So what was it like then?” Yuna asks innocently.

Unable to contain her smile, B says “He asked me to be his girlfriend. And I said yes.”

The 2 girls quietly squeal at the good news. “Wow! Congrats!” Ryujin says.

Yuna nods. “Wow, and just like that for the first time in 2 years, Choi Yeonjun has a girlfriend.”

“2 years? He hasn’t had a girlfriend in 2 years?” B asks, surprised. Since everyone kept mentioning Yeonjun having a record for being one of the biggest flirts on campus, she was expecting him to have a long list of complicated past relationships.

“Well, real serious girlfriends, yeah. He’s been on a few dates with some girls since then, but it never really went beyond that so I wouldn’t call them girlfriends. And if I’m not mistaken, she was his first girlfriend. His first love, actually.” Yuna says thoughtfully. “I don’t really know her since she was never a student here.”

“I did, sort of.” Ryujin pipes up. “Gyu told me all about the guys’ past relationships. He mentioned Yeonjun and Rose’s relationship a lot. He said she was…” she starts, trying to choose her words carefully. “well, a complete bitch.”

“Rose?” B says, the name completely foreign to her. “His first girlfriend? So he’s only had 1 other girlfriend before me? And she was a complete bitch?” she asks, her head spinning with information.

Ryuji nods. “Yeah, despite his track record and dating history, he’s only ever had 1 serious relationship, and that was with Rose.” she says. “Gyu said they were intense. It was one of those relationships that were just so, um, loud I guess?”

“Loud? What do you mean?” B asks, genuinely curious yet a bit afraid to find out the answer.

“Gyu said they were one of those couples who were always so in-your-face about their relationship. Yeonjun wasn’t active on social media back then, but she was, and she was flaunting her relationship all over, showing off all the stuff he’d spoil her with and everything. Not only that, but they were one of those couples that, when going through a fight, the whole world would know about. According to Gyu, their relationship was dramatic and fiery and intense and so damn toxic, but Yeonjun was head over heels for her, which annoyed the guys to no end.”

“That sounds kind of awful.” B says, unable to imagine Yeonjun in such a relationship. “Kind of weird that the guys didn’t seem so supportive, either?”

Ryujin shakes her head. “That’s not even the worst of it. Apparently, she cheated on him with another rich kid she met while she was on vacation or something. Gyu says he hasn’t hated anyone as much as he hated Rose.”

“Now that sounds really awful.” B said, the information overload swirling around in her head. She couldn’t even imagine how awful this girl must’ve been for even Beomgyu and his friends to hate her so much. Why had Yeonjun fallen in love with such an awful person? And how could he have stayed in such a toxic relationship? And how could anyone cheat on him?

“I can’t say for sure since I personally don’t know her, Gyu just showed me a few of her pictures before, but he made her sound like the devil incarnate.” Ryujin says.

“Well, devil incarnate or not, Yeonjun’s definitely taken his standards to a different level with you.” Yuna says a bit comfortingly, squeezing B’s arm, trying to move away from the unpleasant topic. “And the best part is, I’m pretty sure all his friends love you already, so you won’t have to worry about that either. You and Yeonjun are solid.”

“Thanks, Yuna.” B says, smiling in relief. Then, remembering what Kai had told her about wanting to ask Yuna out, B giggles to herself.

“What was that for?” Yuna asks, noticing the sudden giggle.

Just then, the lunch bell rings, and B stands up instantly, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “Nothing. Just excited about my new relationship, I guess.” And about your soon-to-be relationship with my best friend. she thinks to herself, before greeting the girls goodbye and leaving the room.

Due to Kai’s absence, she had to walk to the gazebo alone, growing accustomed to having him pick her up outside her classroom so they could walk to the gazebo together. Now that she was left alone with her thoughts, she was starting to feel overwhelmed about everything that had happened that morning, from being back in school to her meet up with Yeonjun to officially being his girlfriend to learning about his ex. Even though she had learned a lot from Ryujin, she had to admit that her curiosity was still taking over her thoughts, which she knew would probably do no good for her new relationship.

Still, she couldn’t help but wonder about Yeonjun’s past relationship, and worry about how similar it had sounded to her relationship with her one and only ex boyfriend.

As she approaches the gazebo, she sees that Yeonjun and the rest of the guys were already there, sitting at their usual places. Without Kai, she wasn’t sure where she should sit. She usually sat beside Soobin cause that’s where Kai would usually sit before welcoming her into the group, but now she wasn’t sure.

Before she started to worry too much about where to sit, the boys spotted her approaching the gazebo and started waving at her. She smiles and waves back, stepping into the gazebo.

“There you are! Ah, it feels good to see your face around here again.” Beomgyu says, welcoming her in. “And just in time, too. Yeonjun says he has an important announcement that he’d like to make.”

“That we’d like to make, actually.” Yeonjun says, offering B a hand as she steps in, and she takes his hand shyly, letting him guide her into the small space.

“Oh?” Taehyun says, eyeing the 2 with a bad feeling in his gut. “What announcement?”

B takes a deep breath suddenly feeling shy and nervous, her eyes on the ground. She was starting to feel worried about how their friends might react, and guilty about not telling them about the whole thing in the first place. She had grown very fond of the boys and felt very comfortable around them, their closeness making her feel safe, as if she belonged. She was afraid that being Yeonjun’s girlfriend would change the way they see her or the way they treat her.

Sensing her nerves, Yeonjun squeezes her hand, urging her to look at him instead. He offers her a small smile, which she nervously returns. He nods at her before turning his attention to the 3 boys seated. “First thing’s first, I just wanna say that I’m sorry we didn’t tell you guys about this sooner. We just agreed that it would be best to keep it between us until we were sure about how things would go.”

“Whatever it is, we understand.” Soobin says with a smile on his face yet with a sinking feeling in his stomach, his mind buzzing at Yeonjun’s choice of words.

We.

Taehyun looks at his president with worry, a part of him dreading whatever Yeonjun would say next yet already sensing what was coming.

Yeonjun smiles brightly, his heart fluttering as he looks at the girl by his side before slinging an arm over her shoulders and pulling her to his side. “Baby and I are together.”

As the words leave Yeonjun’s mouth, Soobin’s gaze instantly falls on B, wanting to see if it was true or if it was some sort of weird prank that Yeonjun was pulling. When he sees her smile shyly, attempting to bury her face in the blue haired boy’s chest, his heart sinks.

“We’re officially a couple.” she confirms, her face getting redder by the second as she looks up at Yeonjun, who he could tell was grinning behind his face mask.

Soobin didn’t know what felt worse, the fact that his best friend and the girl he just realized he was falling for were now a couple, or the fact that now he was falling in love with his best friend’s girlfriend. Seeing them together now—her with her flushed cheeks and her tight grip on Yeonjun’s necktie and him with his arm dropping down from her shoulders to her waist, securing her by his side—made Soobin feel a bit sick. But what made him feel even sicker was the fact that seeing them together was making him feel sick in the first place. His best friend had finally found an amazing girl 2 years after his horrendous break up and was now dating said amazing girl. He wanted nothing more than to feel happy, but the fact that he didn’t made him feel terrible.

Before Soobin’s guilt starts to consume him, Beomgyu suddenly claps, sending a jolt through everyone in the gazebo. “Wow, congratulations B and YJ!” he says, approaching the couple and happily slapping the older boy on his back. “You 2 look great together.”

“Thanks, Gyu.” B says shyly, her blush visible even through her face mask, one hand fisting Yeonjun’s necktie as he kept her close to him.

“Don’t mention it, I’m happy that this guy has finally moved on.” Beomgyu says teasingly. “And that he was able to score someone way out of his league.” he says, wiggling his brows at the pair.

“Shut up, BG.” Yeonjun says, playfully shoving Beomgyu away before they share a quick high five “You’re right though, I don’t know how I got so lucky.” he says, using his free hand to caress her hair.

“Shut up, both of you.” she says, flustered. She looks at Taehyun and Soobin anxiously, holding her breath as she waited for their reactions. So far, the two boys had either been staring at her and Yeonjun or at each other.

Finally, Taehyun stands up, approaching the couple. “B.” he simply says, which causes her heart to sink a little.

“Tyunie?” she asks, nervously waiting to know his verdict. She and Taehyun had formed a sort of special bond over their walks together, and his opinion was the one that she worried about the most. She wanted to apologize on the spot for not telling him about it sooner, and explain everything about the past couple of weeks to him to make him understand why she had chosen to keep her relationship with Yeonjun a secret. She didn’t know why, but she wanted Taehyun’s approval.

He smiles at her then, and she feels the weight lifted off her chest. “Congratulations.” he finally says, stepping towards her and hugging her, which she wholeheartedly returned. She lets out a sigh as he rubs her back, her chin tucked into his shoulder, before he pulls away. “I just broke a health protocol for you.” he suddenly says, horrified. He instantly steps away then and starts to vigorously spray his hands, arms and neck with alcohol, which causes B to burst out laughing.

“You did it cause you looove me.” she says teasingly. “And thanks, Tyun.” she says, glad that he approved, though she made a mental note to tell him about all the details later on. She felt like she owed him that much.

It’s quiet for a moment as Yeonjun’s gaze lands on Soobin, the only one in the group who hadn’t shown any reaction towards the news as he had just been staring back and forth between him and B the whole time.

For Yeonjun, it was Soobin’s opinion he valued the most. Soobin was one of the few people in the world that Yeonjun would trust with his life. He was the only one among his friends who supported his relationship with Rose, valuing Yeonjun’s happiness above his own when he was clearly unhappy about the whole incident.

He was the one who was there for Yeonjun when everything came crashing down, the one who helped Yeonjun pick himself back up after being cheated on by his first love, the one who helped save Yeonjun from the nights when he would drown himself in alcohol in the hopes of numbing the heartache, the one who would sneak into Yeonjun’s house in the middle of the night to make sure he was asleep safe and sound in his bed rather than hooking up with random girls and picking fights with random guys at the bar, the one who would talk Yeonjun into giving his father a chance and reason with him that his father only wanted what was best for his son, the one who encouraged Yeonjun to join the dance club and the jazzed club and the student council, the one who begged the faculty and advisers to give Yeonjun a second chance at finishing school at MOA promising that he would keep his friend in check, the one who would do anything to make Yeonjun smile, and the one who would always tell Yeonjun the truth.

He stares at Soobin until Soobin’s eyes finally meet his and he stands up, making his way towards the blue haired boy. Once they stood face to face, there’s a moment of silence before Soobin’s face melts into a warm smile, his dimples peeking out from under his mask, his eyes crinkling at the corners, which instantly puts a smile on Yeonjun’s face as well.

Yeonjun pulls him into a hug, relieved. “Congratulations, Yeonjun.” the taller boy says, patting his back a couple of times before pulling away. “I’m so happy for you.” he says.

“Thanks, Binnie.” Yeonjun says, patting him on the back as well. “This means a lot to me.”

Soobin nods at him before turning to B, and before he can say or do anything, she throws her arms out to him and pulls him in for a hug, her tiny body feeling especially fragile as her arms squeezed around his waist.

He looks down at B then, finding her in his arms for the second time that day, in almost the exact same way. Again, he feels time stop the moment his arms wrap themselves around her body, only this time she had her arms around his waist as well. Her face was buried in his chest, the top of her head inches away from his chin, the smell of her lavender-scented shampoo taking over his senses, his hands resting on the curves of her waist.

Only now it felt completely different.

When he hugged her this morning, it felt like everything in the world was falling into place, the feeling hitting him so suddenly with such clarity, as if time seemed to stop as he was hit with the realization that he was falling in love.

As he hugged her now, it felt like everything in the world was falling apart, the horrible feeling hitting him as he felt his heart sink deeper and deeper, as if time seemed to stop as he was hit with the reality that she was Yeonjun’s, that what he felt for her was wrong, that he could never let his feelings for her go past what they were now, that he probably shouldn’t even be hugging her anymore.

“Thanks, Soobinie.” she says in response to how he had congratulated Yeonjun.

“No problem, B.” he says, lifting a hand up to gently stroke her hair, taking a deep breath and taking in her lavender scent, savoring the warmth of her body against his one last time, telling himself he’d never hug her like this for as long as he could handle it. As he lays his chin gently at the top of her head, his eyes meet Taehyun’s, who was standing behind her, staring at him with a sad look in his eyes.

Soobin squeezes his eyes shut, prolonging the hug for a moment longer, before finally pulling away, looking directly at her eyes. She was glowing, her face flushed yet radiant, her smile so big that it was visible under her mask, she looked so so happy that it made his heart ache, knowing that the next few words he’d speak out loud would kill him yet knowing that he meant every bit of it.

“I’m happy for you.”

•°•

Author’s note:

Hello, thank you for reading! I’m trying to get more familiar with Tumblr, so if you have any suggestions or comments don’t be afraid to drop them! (PS I’m not even sure how to reply to comments, that’s how bad I am at using Tumblr lol but I promise that all replies are highly appreciated!!) PS: Happy 1 year anniversary/birthday, MOA! <3 Also: STREAM DRAMA MV!

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