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munariplans · 2 years ago

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is there someone else? pt.2 | n. romanoff

part 2 of is there someone else? | read part 3

synopsis: wherein reader navigates her feelings for both natasha and wanda, and ultimately makes a choice.

natasha romanoff x reader | slight wanda maximoff x reader

word count: 9.6k words

masterlist

“are you happy?” lately, those words came out a lot from the people around you. steve asking you about your relationship with natasha the night she had not only disobeyed your orders on a mission, but also berated you in front of the others. wanda asking if you were really going to stay with natasha long-term in the quinjet home from the night she almost kissed you. and now, natasha asking if you were happy about her pregnancy.

you had shrugged to steve then, clutching your bleeding side and letting the medical bay doctors examine your wound, using the excuse of the injury to shrug him off. as happy as i can be, you said.

for wanda, you had only shook your head, honestly replying that you weren’t, and you knew natasha wasn’t either, but you were too scared to ask for a divorce and she was still willing to try for something you wanted to give up at. and then, you had to reinforce that you still couldn’t start anything new with wanda, bitterly.

Now, with Natasha in your lap and her hands cradling your jaw, years of vulnerability, insecurity, and anxiousness built up into the reflection behind her eyes, you found it hard to say anything at all. Pregnancy was supposed to be something the both of you had wanted; for nearly a year now, and you couldn’t believe that your relationship had soured to a point where the woman you loved was afraid of your reaction to finally getting what you wanted. You felt terrible.

You evaded Natasha’s question entirely. All you could reply with was, “How many weeks?”

She noticed, but as you readjusted her on your lap, relieving the weight off of your injured ribs; she could only smile sadly. “I just found out on our anniversary, while you were away. Probably two, three weeks?”

“Okay.” Natasha watched you nod. This was the first time in weeks she had had her body pressed up against yours, holding onto your embrace and having your arms around her, and she was so afraid the moment was going to be gone so soon.

“So does that mean…” she searched your eyes, “...We’re okay? We’re back together…?”

You broke eye contact, staring off into space for a while. The almost-kiss, the relief you felt when you thought Natasha was going to end things, the life you imagined with someone else. It was almost as if you could physically feel all of it; love and control, slipping away from you.

You contemplated telling Natasha of Wanda’s feelings. But then everything else, the repercussions, the anguish, the what-ifs, would just be too much; and you know the woman was hoping for a positive reaction from you. You would keep Wanda’s secret, and safety, from your wife, for as long as you could in exchange for the possibility of happiness you could still share with Natasha.

In response, you brought her in for a kiss, smiling as best as you could to alleviate her worries. “Of course. For the baby, and for the woman I love, of course.”

Natasha giggled in happiness, bringing your hand to rest along her tummy, and your heart squeezed with guilt at the joy written all over her face.

–

“Is this your first time?” Natasha’s gynaecologist asked, staring you up and down while your wife changed back from her hospital gown. You felt the scrutiny under her stare, and subconsciously straightened your posture.

Nodding, you were aware your arms were crossed in defence of yourself. She turned around as Natasha reappeared to ask you for help with her zipper, and when you came back out, she nonchalantly passed the comment of, “You don’t look too happy about it.”

Your heart sank, trying to laugh off the hurt with, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She shrugged, pointing her clipboard to the direction of Natasha’s changing room. “That woman in there is a medical miracle. To be able to get pregnant under her circumstances, and considering she isn’t so young, I just thought…you would be more ecstatic.”

“You a shrink before becoming a gynaecologist, doctor?”

“Please,” she laughed, “Psychology is the furthest thing I wanted to touch in medical school. I just deduced from the happiness on her face, and the lack thereof, on yours. But what do I know, right? I’m just your doctor.”

“Right.”

The both of you watched as Natasha came out, and while she thanked the nurses and prepared to leave, the doctor leaned in to you again. “Is there anything I should know, ma’am? I’m only looking out for the mother and baby, and I’m working for their best interests, not mine or yours.”

You gave her a weird look, and a non-commital grunt as you signed the papers, but she was strangely perceptive. “If there’s someone else out there, someone waiting for you that is not her, as I have seen with many other partners before, I always suggest for you to end it. For the sake of both of them now, not just her.”

You found yourself hovering over Wanda’s contact on the drive home, the urge to call her almost instinctual.

–

After the doctor’s appointment, you had cooked Natasha lunch; with her choosing to pack and eat it out in the field, where the others were having a Sports Day. She was content enough just watching them, but out of the corner of her eye, she could spot you hunched over, elbows on your knees, a slight resigned look of misery on your face. To any other person, it could have just looked like you were bored, or tired, but Natasha had been seeing those expressions so frequently lately; she had deduced what they meant herself. Those expressions only came up when you were longing to spend time with anyone but her.

“You can still join them, you know?” Natasha chimed in, “I’m sure Peter wouldn’t mind you subbing in for him. Kid looks exhausted.”

She remembered all the times she held you back; the life you had chosen to stay with her, instead of the life you could have had if you hadn’t married her. Even before the strain in your marriage, before her insecurities with Wanda entered the picture, Natasha often struggled to accept the fact that you chose her, out of everyone and everything.

giving up a promotion as head of the new STRIKE team because it would relocate you to somewhere in the mountains of switzerland, being the one to hold clint’s arrow back from that one faithful mission, even standing up to fury and the rest of the executive directors who held a shadow of a doubt towards her loyalty when she had run off after the events of what tony called civil war; she found it hard to imagine anyone else willing to do a shred of those things for her.

“I hardly know the game standings by now.” You said, rubbing your eyes from exhaustion. “There’s no point.”

Natasha wanted to protest, but your hand reached out to hers, albeit in an attempt to comfort her and to ask her to not fight you on it, but your touch felt cold and foreign. Then, it was when she noticed who your eyes had been on for the whole game.

She wondered if you would have been happier if you hadn’t been with her at all. If you had been there, playing the game against Wanda, celebrating your team’s win with and for her. Instead, here you were, right beside her, eyes tired from staying up all night to help her through her bouts of nausea, making warm drinks and small snacks for her to still nourish herself, staying back from the Sports Day you were so looking forward to for the past few weeks just to accompany her to the doctor’s. She wondered if the small scan she was planning to put up by her bedside, and you planned to keep in your wallet, even gave you the same amount of joy it gave her.

When she had finished her meal, she noticed you hadn't even touched yours.

–

“Just go for it.”

“No. I’m staying.”

“Please go,” Natasha begged, already having her hands around your shoulders, trying to get you to get up from the bed. “I already have your dress picked out for you, you just have to get dressed and head down.”

You groaned, playfully digging your head deeper into the pillow as Natasha tried to lift you up. For a pregnant woman, albeit still in her early days of her first trimester, she was much stronger than you thought she was. As she pulled you into a sitting position, you laid your head against her midriff, arms around her waist.

“I’ll be fine here alone, you know,” she assured, but you shook your head against her body.

“No. What if another Ultron-esque invasion happens again? And I won’t be here to protect you?”

Natasha chuckled, threading her fingers through your hair. “I can protect myself. Have you forgotten I was an assassin and double agent? Besides, we have Vision now, too. All thanks to Ultron.”

You looked up to her, doubt still clouding your features, but Natasha was adamant. “Go. How many parties have you missed because of me? Just because I’ve been advised not to have too much fun doesn’t mean you have to as well. Do it for me, please?”

She smiled when you finally stood up, giving the black halter gown a second look.

–

“Have fun,” she said, giving you a peck on the cheek. The sentence had only been half-truthful.

I love you too much to keep you shackled here with me; but I sincerely hope that you don’t find someone else who will make you realise you deserve better tonight.

She watched you go, Clint sticking by your side and turning around as you both entered the lift, giving her a sympathetic look. He knew all too well of her feelings tonight; and had promised to look out for you too Natasha knew it was the hormones; but it hurt her so much to watch you leave that it brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes she had tried to keep down for the night.

–

You should have guessed that a party organised for Pepper’s birthday would involve Tony pulling all of the stops; falling short of nothing but Great Gatsby-esque glamour and celebrations. Twice a dancer had tried their hardest to pull you to the dance floor with them, sparkling champagne towers in hand and live jazz ensembles all around the venue.

“Come on, you haven’t drank in months, you’re holding back now?!” An agent from your academy days, his name now fuzzy with the alcohol in your system, roared as he tipped back yet another shot of liquor into your mouth, the taste burning your throat.

You pushed back his bottle, giving yourself time to regain your composure. “My wife’s not feeling so good, I can’t–go home drunk–”

“Nat’ll understand, don’t worry so much,” he raised to tip the bottle again, your world spinning now, but was abruptly pulled back. He yelped, falling back on the sofa.

Suddenly, lithe arms were around your waist, pulling you away from the agent. In your drunken haze, you reached out to touch the face of who it was, but the person was already pulling you away, further and further from the loud lights and music.

Fresh air hit your cheeks as the balcony door opened, and you finally recognised the shoes that had been dragging you throughout the party.

“Wanda.”

“I’ve got you,” she helped you sit against the wall of the tiny space protruding from her own room, and closed the doors right after, “You’re safe with me.”

You grinned, remembering Natasha’s words earlier. “Have you forgotten I was an assassin and double agent?”

“You’re neither of those things when you’re wasted.” Wanda took the seat beside you, pressing her body against yours to ensure you didn’t fall over. You laughed against her shoulder, letting the stars in your vision fizzle out before you could see her again.

Wanda smelled like cinnamon and flowers, the smell slowly becoming more and more familiar to you. She let you get your bearings together for a few minutes, before readjusting yourself to lean your head against the wall instead. Choosing not to speak, Wanda wanted to enjoy the first time in weeks the two of you had been alone. Ever since that mission; ever since that night.

Finally, you sighed, breaking the silence and turning to her, your eyes glassy and red. “I had–have–feelings for you.”

She was about to reply, to say something along the lines of expressing her relief, or adoration, for you, when you put a hand up, continuing with, “But I cannot act on them, you and I know why. I’m not sure if what I feel for you is love, probably something close to it, but I know what I feel for Natasha. And I cannot have that with you. Wanda, you have been here for me through one of the toughest few months of my life, and for it I am eternally grateful. But I also have a duty and responsibility as a wife for Natasha. Of course, you have shown me acceptance and love, butterflies and excitement for the future, I cannot deny that, but I cannot be what you want, what you need. And I refuse to string you along for the possibility of me leaving my wife, Wanda, you deserve so much better.”

Lowering your gaze to your lap, Wanda watched as you professed, “I’m sure you know Natasha and I have been trying for a baby for a while now.”

“Clint told me it’s been more than a year.”

Nodding, you looked back up, steeling yourself. “Well, we’re finally successful. Natasha’s pregnant.”

Wanda’s mouth fell into an O shape, half in realisation, half in surprise. The arm around your shoulders faltered, and you carefully let it drop back to her side. “Oh.”

“I know you don’t know how to feel,” you spoke up, “And I don’t expect you to be happy for me, for us. But I am telling you this, now, because I am choosing…to be responsible. For the child, more than anything else. I love Natasha, and perhaps you too, but the child takes priority over my own feelings, my own heart. Natasha needs me now more than ever, and while it will take time, I’m sure, to repair or even go back to how we once were, I can’t abandon her, Wanda. I need to stay with Natasha.”

Your hands were cold as you explained, desperately, to the woman before you. Never one to cry, you hated that there were tears in the back of your eyes this time, watching Wanda’s expression turn from shock, to disappointment, and finally, a brave front, smiling and nodding sadly at you.

“I really am sorry; for perhaps leading you on, for making you feel things I shouldn’t have expressed. And I do treasure you, so very much, Wanda, but I cannot leave my wife, my marriage, and now my child too, for you.”

But Wanda only reached out for your hand then, the warmth in her touch your final leap towards sobriety for the night. “I understand.”

She saw your eyebrows furrow for a minute, before asking, “You do?”

Swallowing the lump in her throat, and the sinking of her heart, Wanda nodded. “I knew it was stupid anyway, my feelings for you. You were married, and while I have only admired you from afar all these years, wishing I could be her, having your kindness and bravery to come home to every night, I thought…I thought I had a chance. And when I saw just how badly Natasha was treating you, it sparked something in me too; I was angry and bitter, I knew you deserved better, but I realise that better is not me. It’s still her, and will always be her. You could have been my Romeo for all I cared, but at the end of the day, I always knew Natasha was your Juliet, no matter what.”

Your hand squeezed over Wanda’s one, her confession of your unrequited love tugging at the guilt in your heartstrings. “To be fair, in another life, we could’ve really given this a shot. I think your love would’ve come back; in a different form, or different circumstances, and I would’ve been there to love you back. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Wanda laughed, a wet chortle that seemed much too joyful for her current state; red faced and tears streaming down her face, “Just that is enough, I think. Knowing you felt a fraction of what I did for you for years, the hope, the longing, of it all. I need to let you go, give up your ghost beside me, and while it isn’t going to be easy, I hope at least the process is kind.”

“In another life.” She confirmed, letting you rub away the tear tracks on her cheeks, leaning in to press a kiss on them as the alcohol and your lips both burned the skin they landed on. “And I’m happy for you, truly. Congratulations to you and Natasha on the baby.”

Hungover and the remnants of the previous night’s bash still pounding loudly in his head, Tony Stark was not looking forward to the meeting he had forgotten was organised the morning after Pepper’s party. He had wanted to only sit in, listen, glower at righteous Steve Rogers with no alcohol in his system explain the weekly objectives for the team, and head back. No holdups, no interferences. His head was killing him.

But as he entered through the double glass doors of the meeting room, the scene that greeted him only made his headache worse.

Natasha was absolutely fuming; stood in front of the team presenting her findings for the week, arms crossed. Her vision was glaring directly at you, and so was everyone else’s.

You, on the other hand, were sprawled out at the furthest chair in the back, staring back at her and not backing down.

“Whoa,” Tony broke the silence in the room, “What is this really weird energy that I just walked into?”

It was meant to be a joke, cutting through the tension and to get someone to hopefully fill him up to speed on yet another argument between the two of you, but Natasha then diverted her anger towards him, and Tony knew the moment he screwed up. Tears welled behind the Black Widow’s eyes, and she swiped at them furiously as a choked sob left her, bumping into his shoulder as she immediately rushed out of the room.

“I went through with the report for her insubordination,” you explained, when everyone suddenly turned their attention back to you, “Fury suspended her for two weeks.”

“Really?” Steve cut in, but you held your hand up before he could continue.

“It wasn’t because I purposely wanted to be a dick, or to report my own wife for betraying my orders, but the fact that she directly put herself in a line of fire when we had obviously discussed and agreed upon not doing it, in front of newer agents on the team, what kind of example would we be setting for the new guys?”

“Don’t you think it’s too much?” Clint chided, “I mean, I’m pretty sure Nat knows what she’s doing. And your own wife, for Christ sake…”

“No, but come on,” you straightened, outstretching your hands in explanation, “This was a matter of team safety! If we had let it slide–”

“–You let it slide when you and Barton were supposed to take her out on that one mission on the KGB. And look where we are now.” Steve said, and he hit a sore spot.

You bit your tongue, a comment that would have not been the nicest begging to slip out of your lips, when Tony finally sighed. He turned to you, and in a tone more serious than he had ever been, asked, “Is there something else that you are unhappy with? About Romanoff?”

He continued. “I don’t want to point fingers or say that we’re all against you here. I mean, you’re one of us, you always have been, but I’m sure you’ve noticed that things… haven't been the same recently. Is everything okay between you and Natasha?”

You knew what he was implying. “You’re saying I’m ruining the dynamic of the team.”

“Not all the blame is on you, but…” Tony gulped, nodding to replace his answer.

–

“How about a honeymoon?” Fury asked, watching you pace about his office. You had taken particular interest in the minimal decorations on his shelf, refusing to make direct eye contact with him for the past hour.

“I doubt she’d want to go anywhere remotely far with me. Should see the mountain of pillows she builds between us each night; it seems like pregnancy’s only made her hate me even more.” Finding comfort on the sofa right across from him, you leaned your head back in the presence of your closest friend in the compound. Only Fury knew of her pregnancy, with you and Natasha agreeing to keep it private from the others until the time was right.

He shrugged. “You guys never had a honeymoon, and I just felt it was mostly my fault, is all.”

“She needed a green card to escape the KGB, I was single, we got married with you as the only witness out of convenience, not a big deal, really,” you quipped, “In a way, you played matchmaker for us even early on.”

“An arranged marriage works wonders for my two coldest assassins, right?”

“We’re pregnant now, so there’s your answer. Not the most happy, or successful, of marriages, but I’ll give you that, Nick.”

But the man was still your boss, as he cruelly reminded you, handing you your resignation papers for the next three months.

“Three months; the first trimester, that’s it. Just you and her, space to sort out your marital problems and get back together with us again. I can’t have you ruining the team more than you have, Agent. It worked for Clint and Laura, and Tony and Pepper, I have to have you and Natasha work too.”

He turned to leave, another meeting calling out for him in the next moment, but not before he stopped at the door, and uttered words you had been dreading to hear the whole week.

“And for God’s sake, it’s your wife, Agent. You have every right to be angry at her for insubordination, or how she’s been treating you these few months, but you forget so conveniently that she’s pregnant; something so foreign to someone like her. You tell me you gave up Wanda for her, but that’s not noble, it was only right.

Hold her responsible, tell her what’s been bothering you, and work through it. No more running. She needs you as much as you need her. You can’t treat this like any other mission; have some heart and take care of her, will you?”

–

Before leaving, Clint had asked to see you one last time. In the shooting range, where he shot arrows and you watched, he tried to convince you to see things from Natasha’s point of view.

“I mean, just try to see things from her perspective, you know? When Laura and I were having problems–”

“–Clint, I didn’t really come here for a lecture.”

An arrow whizzed past your head, but Clint’s intimidation did not make you flinch. “That’s the problem. You don’t listen, you never do.”

He sighed, letting another one fly. “You need to listen, to let Natasha speak and give her space to tell you what’s really bothering her. You know how she is, it’s not easy for her to open up about her problems; ever so headstrong.”

“And if you want a shot at getting back to what you two were before this…before all of this…you should treat her like such; do the little things. They matter. Take her out on a date once in a while, give her flowers, treat her like the queen she is to you. I’m not Natasha, and I’m not the most privy to your relationship, but I do know your kindness, and the patience you gave her was ultimately what led her to fall in love with you too. I’m sure she’d still like to see that side of you by her side for the rest of her life.”

Out of the corner of Clint’s eye, he saw you hold your fist to your throat, swallowing the lump that was trying to form. When you got up and left without another word, he knew you were suppressing the tears that threatened to fall in front of him.

–

Natasha opted to wait by the car while you said temporary goodbyes to the rest of the team, and you didn’t fail to catch the hurt in her eyes, still, when Wanda reached in to pull you for a hug too. She had smiled at you, but you kept the hug brief and uttered a see you right after, rushing to Natasha’s side in a hurry.

You held her hand as you walked up to the car together, and when the cool breeze of the wind hit her cheeks, Natasha felt you let go for a brief moment, only to feel the warmth of your sweater enveloping her in the next. With the smell of you flooding her senses, Natasha felt her cheeks warm too, as you grinned.

“You still look so tiny in it.”

She rolled her eyes, letting you open the car door for her. “Shut up, it’s oversized on you too.”

But her annoyance was feigned, appreciation genuine, as she reached out for your hand again in the car, never letting go of it throughout your drive to the remote cabin.

–

The first night of your getaway together, you caught Natasha placing a hand on her lower abdomen as she checked herself out in the mirror of your bedroom. She turned left, then right, and scrutinised her body even further. A frown etched on her face, you could tell something was bothering her.

“Dinner’s ready.” She startled hearing your voice, hurriedly pulling her top back down, but she knew you had already seen enough.

Leaning against the wall, you offered her a smile, a space to tell you what was wrong. In any other circumstance, Natasha would have tried to avoid the topic altogether, but she knew you would not let it go without her telling you.

“It just feels unreal,” she managed, “Still. That I’m pregnant. That we’re having a baby. I somehow still think my body is lying to me, the doctors are lying to me. Some sick prank that the universe is playing on me.”

When she looked over at you, your face was hidden by the shadows from the door, and her worry instantly crept back. “I mean, it’s stupid–”

“–It’s not stupid to me.” Suddenly, the embrace of your arms around her body was all her mind registered, as her own arms wrapped around yours back.

Holding her tight, you pressed a kiss to the crown of her hair, murmuring, “It’s not stupid, and it’s real, Natasha. I know you’re so used to all this self-doubt, and rejection, even from your own body, but it’s real. This is real, and you are amazing. You are going to bring life into this world, and god forbid if I won’t be here with you for it too.”

You coaxed her back to the dining room slowly, wiping the tear tracks on her cheek as she followed after you. At dinner, you caught her eyeing another serving of the pasta, but shamefully looking away as she remembered what it would mean for her weight, which was already steadily rising.

Natasha watched you scoop a small helping for yourself, and offering her the large portion of the remainder of the pasta. I don’t want it to go to waste, you had said as nonchalantly as you could, accompanying her as she blissfully took another forkful of her replenished plate.

You played the music on the turntable that night, while Natasha insisted on doing the dishes. Watching her then, the music flowing through her veins and the soft sway of her hips as she moved to the rhythm, an almost foreign, faintly familiar feeling of butterflies began to bloom in your stomach again.

–

The next morning, when the pasta resurfaced in the form of vomit through Natasha’s morning sickness, you were there to hold her hair back, sleepily rubbing her own back and reassuring her that she was going to be okay.

Natasha teared up at the discomfort, but you were there to help her wash up, making a hot drink for her before lulling her back to sleep to properly rest. And while she slept, you sneaked off to prepare breakfast for her.

When you returned, Natasha was clutching the shirt you slept in, nuzzling her nose into it for comfort and whispering your name in her sleep.

–

a week into the start of your new life together, you were gardening in the small patch overlooking the fields outside, while natasha sat and watched you while she did paperwork for the team. It was the first full week in she had not lashed out, and you had not avoided her in anger and retaliation, and as she felt her hand subconsciously lay on her stomach again, she whispered a thanks to the baby not yet showing for the newfound relationship they had helped establish for the both of you.

“What are you going to do tomorrow?” She asked, while you laid down fresh soil for the vegetables.

You shrugged. “The sunflowers may need repotting, we have a problem with one of the hinges from the bathroom door, so I’ll be fixing that, and…” you trailed off, before remembering, “...I can make you that smoothie Clint was telling us about, the one he made for Laura when she wasn’t feeling so good. The kale is almost ripe.”

It was the first infliction that made Natasha second-guess your words for the first time in a while. “That sounds disgusting.”

She had expected you to laugh it off, or even dismiss it altogether as a joke, but you put down your hand shovel then, and paused, staring into the fields beyond. “It’s good for you, and the baby. Extra nutrition on top of your prenatals can’t hurt.”

“I’m not that weak, though, to be needing that,” Natasha rebutted, “Laura only needed it because she had some issues with Nathaniel, I’m perfectly fine with our baby.”

When you failed to answer immediately, Natasha sat straighter, voice louder, “Are you saying I’m not strong enough to carry this baby without a crutch? That I need to drink nutritional smoothies and take extra medication and precautions just so I don’t fuck this all up for you?”

You turned around this time, the same look you always had when she sparked yet another heated debate adorned, the same look Natasha had not missed seeing at all.

“I never said that. God, Nat, I just wanted to do a nice gesture, to make sure you’re not missing out on any nutrition, that’s all. If you didn’t want it you could’ve just said so.”

With a sigh, you moved to keep your gardening tools, the mood to continue clearly ruined, and a familiar feeling of dread and fear rose within Natasha. Even if you were there with her, even if she knew you were only going inside to clear your head, it looked all too similar to you leaving her all over again. The resigned look on your face, the heaviness in your steps, Natasha had dreamed too many times of this scenario unfolding.

“Wait!” She stopped you from opening the door and going in, suddenly embracing you from the back and holding tight. You made a move to protest, but her grip was firm, tears already soaking the back of your shirt.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she whispered, hoping you would understand, “I’m so sorry. I was horrible.”

Your heartbeat palpable to her ears, Natasha then felt you slowly let go of the door handle, and brought your arms over hers. “It’s okay, Nat.”

“You just wanted to take care of me, and I—I–”

“It’s okay,” you reassured, “Happens.”

You invited her back inside, and let her spend the rest of the day in your arms to reassure her of any insecurities you knew had cropped up during the small altercation the both of you just had.

–

“I see that relations between the two of you are better.” Once again, Natasha’s gynaecologist pointed out to you, as you nodded, then shrugged.

“I guess.”

The woman offered you a sympathetic smile. “It’s a good thing. I’m happy for you. She looks happier, as well.”

Almost two months into her pregnancy then, you knew the few times you had been leaving the cabin and visiting the hospital had been a little unnerving for Natasha, considering her own past and job history. So for the gynaecologist to be able to see past the brave front she put on, past her own worries and insecurities about her own body carrying the child, you knew something in her had shifted as well.

With a everything’s healthy and an all-clear to leave, Natasha was more than glad to leave and gawk over the new scan provided from the visit. But even through her smile and supposed excitement of your suggestion to catch a film at the cinema the previous night, you knew she was tired; she had almost fallen asleep in the waiting room while you paid, her footsteps were a little heavier, and she had leaned her head on your shoulder while the both of you were in the lift, in public. Natasha was never one to showcase her weaknesses in public.

So you made the first move. “Let’s just go home, okay?”

She held your hand over the console in the car, and with eyelids drooping, still shook her head. “No, it’s supposed to be a date…a movie date. I wanna go.”

With the traffic light red, you brought her hand to your lips, pressing a feather kiss before returning it to her side. “You’re exhausted, Nat. We can still go tomorrow, but for today, let’s go home, okay? I’ll put on another film on the TV, make homemade popcorn, and we can make a blanket fort, just like back at the compound.”

Natasha felt that she didn’t deserve you at all, as she nodded gratefully then, and tiredly.

–

The comforting scent of Natasha’s shampoo was all that occupied your senses, as she laid in your arms, softly snoring halfway into the film. With a small grin attached to your face, you whispered a I told you so into her hair and pulled the blanket further to keep her warm.

When the credits began to roll, she finally stirred again, and mumbled, “That was a good film. I liked it.”

You decided to keep her secrets to yourself, and wiped away the little bit of drool on her chin. “Me too.”

Natasha took a little longer to regain her surroundings, as you got up to start on lunch. But even as her stomach rumbled, she had to control herself from the nausea that washed through her as she watched you begin chopping the vegetables.

You noticed her watching, and paused for a minute. “Yes, Nat?”

But Natasha didn’t want to pose as a bother. “Nothing. I’m hungry too.”

However, when the final plate was served in front of her and you were busy with the garnishes, the nausea returned, and you saw her physically recoil to prevent herself from retching this time. Slightly offended, you had pulled the plate back, but Natasha refused to let you do so.

“It’s–” You had moved to look for something else for her, but Natasha knew she was wasting your efforts if she let up.

“No, I’ll eat it, I just…” she took a moment to gather herself, “...I’ll be fine.”

But when even a few bites proved difficult for her, she was grateful that you took the plate away this time, sitting down by her side to rub her back. “Nat, tell me what’s wrong.”

Shamefully, she hid her face in your shoulder, and finally mumbled, “I want mac and cheese. Baby too.”

She had expected you to let out an irritated sigh, or even lecture her on wasting food and opting for something unhealthy that she would never crave for in the compound, but instead, you let out a soft chuckle, and kissed her cheek.

“You’re not mad?” She asked, a little surprised.

“No, why would I be?” You replied, getting up to find the car keys. “But you should’ve said it earlier, my love. Now you’re hungry and it’s a little bit of a drive away to the grocery store.”

But Natasha was more than happy to follow, despite your protests for her to rest at home, and with the both of you poring over the mac and cheese box options in the grocery store, the butterflies in her stomach felt like they were going to explode each time your hand brushed over hers in reassurance.

–

But life was never so fair, or smooth sailing. Life in the cabin had not been a magic solution to yours and Natasha’s problems, and you were growing weary of said problems being carried over wherever you went, too.

The first strike had been on one of the busiest nights for SHIELD Intelligence. One of the sectors had been compromised, everyone was working overtime to recover any lost intelligence, and of all things you struggled with, the shitty internet connection was your biggest obstacle.

Your calls with Maria and the team back at the compound were choppy, your emails were not sending through, and the frustration was creeping in. You had been cooped up in the study for the better part of the day, and Natasha had been left out of every single meeting because Maria had simply wanted her to rest.

So of course you had your wife breathing down your neck as well, asking for updates every hour on the team’s progress. But even as a workaholic as she is, Natasha thought it was more than reasonable to think you were working too much; at breakfast you had received your first call from Fury, then at lunch you skipped eating with her to fix a bug in the team’s code, and even at dinner, when she wanted to finally have a proper conversation with you about her day, you were on a conference call with Maria again.

By one in the morning, where you were sending emergency emails for backup, Natasha entered your study again, in a nightgown that was just a little too revealing and light makeup to coax you to bed, but you did not spare one look at her as you shrugged her off with, “Not now, Nat.”

“You’re working too much,” she tried to drape her body over yours, but you only reclined the seat and pushed her off gently. “Feels like you disappeared all day today.”

“Yeah, well, Maria’s gotten me on a tight leash,” you replied, ignoring her sighing and standing back at the door, “I’ll be lucky if we can even get this done by the morning.”

Natasha called out your name once, then twice, and by the third, you snapped with, “Busy, Nat! Please! Would you go away, or go to sleep first? I can’t concentrate with you hovering over me!”

You only realised the severity of your words a few seconds after it left your mouth, as you then looked up at Natasha, who had tears in her eyes, and a warm cup of tea fixed for you, standing by the doorway again. Guilt needled into your heart, but she was already retreating to the bedroom by the time you tried to stand.

“Wait, Nat–”

“–Save it. I’m going to bed.” Her tone cold and unnerving, you would have almost missed the sniffle in her voice. Sighing, you returned to the call with Maria while Natasha beat herself up for letting her usually well-concealed emotions appear in front of you. Her and her stupid hormones.

But the guilt never really went away, and your focus never returned for the night. Whatever the chief of security was rambling about suddenly didn’t make sense, your emails were only piling higher and higher, and Maria knew the moment you started another call with her barely an hour later of what you were going to ask of her.

“I have to go, Maria, I’m sorry. I’ll finish this tomorrow.”

“No, no,” Maria tried reasoning, but you were already shutting down your computer, “If you leave us now, I am never going to forgive you, Agent!”

But her threats fell on deaf ears, as you quickly muttered another apology, and ended the call. Leaving your phone in the study to beep the entire night, you knew you were placing more trust in Maria and the team’s abilities than before you left for the cabin, and you knew somewhere along the line, your mind had made up of the shift in priorities, too.

Natasha felt your arms underneath her sleeping figure soon after, and at the expense of Maria’s wrath in the morning, you slid in bed with her. She tried pushing you away, but her body worked against her as she practically melted into you while you whispered murmurs of apology into her skin. You were upset, and had thought her reaction was a little unwarranted, but chose not to speak of it.

She won this time.

–

The second strike came a week after the first. The compromise had spread to other areas of SHIELD as well, and while you tried as best as you could to help out from the cabin, you knew you had to prioritise Natasha and the baby as well.

Without much space for creativity or freedom to invent new recipes, you knew you had been preparing the same repetition of healthier, simpler meals for Natasha. And while she had never been a picky eater, pregnancy had drastically shifted her palate and tastes for food.

So when she found you cooking a variation of whatever vegetable, stock, and rice you had left in the fridge for the third day in a row, she thought it was more than fair to turn up her nose and let out a I’m tired of that to you.

But the nearest diner and pizza places were over an hour away, and you did not like Natasha eating so many of the mac and cheese boxes she had bought in bulk so often. So you replied with a, “It’s all we have, we’d have to make do for the rest of the week, I think.”

You didn’t miss the groan in her throat as she threw her hands in the air, before throwing herself onto the sofa. “Then I’m not eating. I can’t stomach that.”

“Natasha, don't be childish.” You reasoned, “You can’t not eat.”

You were met with a middle finger in the air then, and while you would have usually let it go, attribute it to pregnancy side effects and whatever that came along with it, you were tired, and hung out dry from work. And a middle finger in the air from the one person you were stuck with, who seemed like they had a problem with almost everything you did, was too much for you then.

“Fine. Then don’t.” You switched off the stove, and threw the ingredients into the trash before retreating to the study to finish more work. You could tell Natasha was caught off-guard with your reaction, but she didn’t want to back down, and she was already pissed too.

She left for a nap to quell the growling of her stomach later on, still holding out against you and not giving in. Somewhere along the line, she heard the front door click and you stepping out, but thought nothing of it; you were probably out for a run, or checking on the garden outside, and she was not risking the comfortable position she finally found to question you what you were doing at nearly twelve midnight.

But when the rumbling of her stomach became too hard to ignore later on, Natasha had no choice but to leave the safety and comfort of the bed to forage for food downstairs. She could already imagine the bare ingredients left in the fridge, nothing salvageable and she had to grovel at you to make her something at least edible for her in the end.

But you were downstairs this time, watching the television, and when her eyes met yours, you pointed towards the dining table; where the table was set out with an overwhelming number of takeout boxes from her favourite Chinese place at the edge of town. She had mentioned it to you as a craving offhandedly the previous night, but Natasha would never have imagined you would take her seriously, considering how long it would take to get there and back.

Her heart fell to her stomach, and apologies were about to tumble out of her lips when you stood up, and led her to sit at the dining chair.

“I wanted to wake you from your nap, but I figured waiting for you would be safer,” you gave her a small smile, ladleing hot and sour soup for her, “And I got new groceries and a recipe book. Hopefully tomorrow we’ll have better lunches and dinners. Sorry about today, love.”

Tears welled in her eyes again, but this time, Natasha swallowed them back down to crash her lips against yours in gratefulness.

Your guilt always got the best of you. She won again.

–

The third strike, however, did not end up with you giving in so easily, and forever shifted the dynamic in your relationship.

It had been the end of the very exhausting episode of finally fixing the compromised SHIELD Intelligence sectors, and Maria and the team had asked you out to celebrate. You were wary of leaving behind Natasha all alone in the cabin, and even more afraid of bringing the invitation up to her, but Maria was persistent about you enjoying yourself for just one night. And in truth, you did want to go.

Natasha was reluctant to let you go, but even Clint and the rest of the team’s advice about cutting you some slack, not keeping you on such a tight leash rang back through her, and eventually, she agreed. You caught the doubt on her face as you were getting ready, and you knew she wanted to say something, anything, to try to convince you not to go, to just stay home with her and watch another round of Netflix series, but you knew you had to do at least one thing without her in this journey. It was only healthy to let her be alone once in a while.

With a kiss to her forehead and a promise to be home by midnight, you left Natasha standing on the porch then, the light washing the night and her figure with honey.

–

Maria did always take her celebrations quite seriously, however. With wine and good conversations flowing into the night, it was easy to forget about the promise you had made to make it back by twelve for Natasha. By the time you even left the restaurant, it was half past midnight, and the team was already making fun of you for leaving earlier than they all were.

“Romanoff’s never been an easy one to deal with, huh?” One of the agents piped up, meeting with a resounding agreement and laughter from the rest of the team. “Hard-headed on the job, even more hard-headed in bed, Agent.”

You flipped him off then, the hint of a grin on your face now only customary. “You know how she is, Ward. Leave her be.”

“Hey, I’m not the one stupid enough to marry her,” he shot back, “She’s crazy, and not the good kind. If I had your patience, and your looks, Agent, I know Romanoff’s the furthest thing I would touch with a stick; would’ve bagged a dumb supermodel, at least. Though now, you did kind of strike gold in the looks department, huh? That hourglass figure sculpted by nothing the KGB could beat out of her.”

Maria had elbowed him in the ribs, hard, but you could only give back a sad smile and begin to walk away. “That’s…my wife for you.”

Before another round of jibes and remarks were thrown towards your wife, the cab you had ordered arrived, and as you got in and said your goodbyes to the team you had not seen for months, you couldn’t help but repeat Ward’s insensitivity in your head over and over again, all throughout the drive home.

–

By the time you walked into the door, it was already nearing two in the morning, and you didn’t need Natasha’s murderous glare to know you had left her worried, and scared, that you were not coming home.

“I know, I know,” you sighed, struggling to take off your shoes, “I’m a little late. And a little tipsy. Sorry.”

You wanted to get it over and done with quickly, so you could head off to bed and avoid the fight rumbling altogether. But Natasha had other plans.

“Nearly two hours late,” she corrected, then, “What were you guys doing outside?”

“Dinner, drinks, the usual. I was with Maria, Ward, Coulson, the usual.”

Natasha cringed at the mention of Ward, and you knew you hit a sore point with her. “What did you guys talk about?”

“Nat…” you shook your head, “...Boundaries, remember?”

“Just…you know how Ward is. Did he say anything about me to you?”

“Nothing I haven’t heard of.” The wine was returning to your bloodstream, as you struggled to make it past the couch in a straight line.

But Natasha blocked your path altogether. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

You gave her an incredulous look, eyebrows furrowed, before sighing. “It means…Ward is Ward. He is always going to make uncalled for jokes, comments, and this has been him since our Academy days. I’ve learnt to just ignore it, and you should too.”

“But you listen to him, don’t you? And you let his words get to you sometimes.”

“Sometimes,” you agreed, “But I forget it quickly after. Nothing that comes out of his mouth when he’s had alcohol is of value, anyway.”

“Do you agree with him in those cases, then?” Natasha backed away, her tone accusatory.

You frowned, shaking your head, until the woman let it slip that Maria had informed her of what Ward said, along with the updates on where you were for the night. You cursed internally, reminding yourself to scold Maria later, when Natasha continued with, “Do you regret marrying me, darling?”

Taken aback as you were, you refused to let Natasha’s insecurities get the best of her tonight. Standing up to walk past her again, you replied with, “What are you talking about, Nat? I’m going to get some work done, you should go to bed. It’s late.”

“Do you spend time with people like Ward, and all those other assholes you used to buddy up in the Academy, because you can’t stand to be around me? Literally anybody else but me seems to make you happier to be around these days.”

You didn’t like where the conversation was going, and even more the accusations she was spilling out. It was unfair, and wrong, and all the things you did not want to deal with tonight. “You’re my wife, Natasha. Of course I’m happy to spend time with you. Jesus, I leave for one night and you come and accuse me of things I never am, it’s ridiculous! I’m going to the study, don’t wait up for me in bed. We have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.”

–

You told yourself to forget about it; to get over yourself and your ego, to forgive Natasha, and talk to her about it in the morning. If it was something she was insecure about, she would raise her concerns then, when the both of you were calmer, and more ready to hear each other out. But perhaps you had had enough, or you were mad at something beyond Natasha's control; either way, the more time you spent stewing, and thinking, in that study, the more you couldn’t concentrate on your work and the more you got angry at your wife’s persistence and jealousy.

Why couldn’t she be better? Why couldn’t Natasha be easier to love? Why did everyone make her out to be such a good person, such a victim, and paint you as the evil one for wanting better? Mostly, you were upset that nobody even bothered to consider things from your point of view. It was always take care of her, don’t hurt her even further, or even you should know better than to treat her like this, as if five years of marriage would magically fix every problem the two of you would encounter, as if you could just give in to everything because she was Natasha and she was always right.

Your eyes drifted to the framed photo of the full team after one particularly difficult mission, where everyone was nearly knocked out and all ready to go home to rest for the next week or so. Yet, there were triumphant smiles, fists pumped into the air in excitement to go home. Natasha was beside a still-optimistic Steve, while you were a few people down beside Tony with…Wanda draped over you.

you remembered it was the mission where she had the bullet graze on her hip. it had become difficult for her to stand by then, but she was still insisting to be in the picture before you could rush her for medical attention. so the best she could do was lean on you for support, her body draped over yours as she gave you a dopey grin, while you smiled at the camera. the end result was her eyes focused on your face, instead of the camera in front, but it was still one of your favourite photographs.

a deep, ugly feeling rose in you then. why was Wanda the only one able to see you for who you were? why was she the only one willing to listen to you, to hear you out on things, and let you come home even after all that you’ve done? Why couldn’t you love her instead? it was so late, almost four in the morning, but you managed to bang your head against the wall behind with minimal noise, and stood up to do what you were sure you were going to regret in the morning.

your phone was still by the kitchen counter, and wanda’s number was memorised by heart. but right as you punched in her number, pressed the call button, the anger, the vengeance, dissipated. this was low, even for you, you recognised.

your heart began to thump slowly at what you’ve done. the phone rang once, twice, and by the third, you tried to look away from it, turning around to the living room to distract yourself, when the sight that greeted you made you feel only a million times worse.

natasha was asleep on the sofa, feet propped up on the armrests, head lolling to the side as she snored softly. one of her hands was dangling in the air, while the other…the other rested over her stomach, where even under the lowlights of the small lamp by the reading corner, you saw it for the first time. her stomach had rounded out ever so slightly, and a bump had finally formed.

you were sure the tears that sprang to your eyes were the most confusing mix of angry, disappointed, yet happy tears ever, and in the silence of the cabin, far away from anyone else, you had wanted to scream. why you were put in one of the worst dilemmas of your life, why you, of all people, had to be the one to go through this, you were more angry at yourself than anyone else by then. natasha was carrying your child, a blessing you had been hoping for for ages, and you were considering leaving her right then.

“hello?” it was wanda’s voice through your phone that broke you out of your trance. she sounded sleepy, and tired, but you caught the twinge of optimism that she greeted you with as well.

your throat was too choked up to answer her. you were sure that if you had opened your mouth, everything would change. nothing would be the same ever again, and you were going to lose everything you ever loved for the past five years.

you couldn’t do it. so when wanda called out your name, prompted a second hello, you ignored how good it felt to hear her voice, and hung up the call immediately.

a/n: PART 3! PART 3! SOON!

#natasha romanoff x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #black widow x reader #scarlet witch x reader #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff #black widow #scarlet witch #marvel cinematic universe #is there someone else #natasha romanoff x spidey!reader

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newtonsheffield · 8 months ago

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Molly can we get a snippet of the baby making au and the first sonogram? Or the first pregnancy test? How does Kate tell Anthony that she's pregnant?

Oh imagine how excited they would both be to see their baby for the first time.

“Do you need anything?”

Anthony’s knee was bouncing up and down as he sat beside her in the obstetrician’s waiting room.

“What would I need?” Kate chuckled, filling out the form on the clipboard in front of her.

He’d dressed up. She’d realised that when he’d stepped inside her office, his oxfords shined under his chino’s and sweater and a sports coat on over the top and she’d laughed. “Are you… trying to impress my gynaecologist?”

He’d adjusted the sleeve of his jacket, “I’m trying to look like a responsible future parent.”

“And we feel a tweed sports coat does this?”

“Yes, I also think I’m going to grow my beard in properly. It feels very Dad.”

This was one of the reasons he’d been the only person who’d crossed her mind when she’d decided to pursue this. Apart from the fact that he knew her better than almost anyone, Anthony was so… unexpectedly sweet. He’d be a good father. Gentle, and kind, and supportive. He was a nurturer. She’d loved that about him when they’d been together. She loved it about him now. Even now he was looking after her. Trying to look after the child they’d made together.

“I don’t know, I could get you a water. I have a muesli bar in my jacket in case you’re hungry.”

“I’m fine, Ant. I was only a little sick this morning.” Kate sighed, “Do you have any medical conditions in your immediate family I don’t know about.”

“You said you would call me if you were sick.”

“I was a little sick, that might happen again lot the next nine months.”

Anthony clicked his tongue, “Well, I could have brought you something to help.”

“Ant, medical conditions.” She corrected the spiral she could see he was going down. “I did write your lactose intolerance down.”

“Not sure that’s relevant.” Anthony sighed, “But no, nothing really. Greg’s deafness isn’t hereditary.”

Kate nodded, “All done then.”

“I’ll take it back for you.” Anthony leapt to his feet, taking the clipboard from her and striding back towards the desk. He froze, two steps away from her, his shoulders rising and falling heavily.

“What, did you find out I’ve been lying about my age for years?” She teased, her stomach fluttering nervously.

He shook his head, clearing his throat, “No I um… I actually just saw my name listed as the baby’s father and um…” He trailed off, “That feels nice.”

Tears pricked at her eyes and she swiped them away as he sat back beside her, taking her hand. “Stop, you can’t say shit like that Ant Bee.” She’d been using that name for him for nearly 15 years. “I’m too hormonal now.”

“Sorry, I’ll wait like a good boy.”

“Kate!” The Dr called out, gesturing them inside, the paperwork tucked under her arm. “Come on through.”

“Can I…?” Anthony gestured to himself. “Are Dads welcome for this part?”

“That’s up to Kate.”

“Come on,” She tugged on his hand, following the doctor through.

“Kate, congratulations!” The Dr said, sitting behind their desk and gesturing for her to sit on the exam bed. “And his must be your partner.”

Anthony looked awkwardly at the ceiling, and Kate sighed, “This is Anthony. He’s very excited.”

“Okay, well, first things first,”

It was nice, to have Anthony’s hand squeezing hers tightly as she answered the doctors question, Anthony chiming in occasionally to confirm things he’d found in his research, making notes in the notebook he’d brought with him.

“Okay should we look at baby? That’ll help us confirm a due date.”

“But that’s only a guide, I read.” Anthony said quickly and Kate fought to roll her eyes, “And we’ve been trying so we can’t really pin point it.”

“That’s right. It’s just an approximation.”

“It’s not a test, Ant.” Kate chuckled, pulling up her shirt.

“I’m just trying to show that I’m prepared.”

Kate could feel her heart hammering in her chest as the doctor moved the ultrasound over her abdomen, the gel cold against her skin.

“And there’s baby.”

Kate’s heart stopped. It was tiny, flickering over the screen and the heartbeat filled the room. Exactly what she’d wanted. This. To be a mother, even if she had to do it alone.

Anthony’s hand squeezed hers and his voice cracked, tears welling in his eyes, “You’re a mum, Katie. They’re beautiful.”

Tears welled in her own eyes and her chest felt tight, “And you’re a dad.”

Anthony let out a watery chuckle, “God, I need to get started on that beard.”

“The heartbeat’s really fast.”

“The heart beat’s very strong. Baby looks very healthy.” The Dr hummed, “Should we get some photos?”

Kate nodded, swiping at her tears, “Sorry, I’m just so emotional at the moment.”

“Happens all the time. We’re out of tissues in here, sorry. There’s some in the lounge.”

“I’ll get some tissues.” Anthony breathed, swiping his own tears before he kissed the top of her head. “I’ll be back. God, you’re incredible.”

The door shut quickly and Kate took a deep breath, leaning back against the back of the bed.

“He’ll be a very sweet Dad.” The Dr said conversationally. “How long have the two of you been together?”

They’d agreed there was no need to let the doctor in on their arrangement, it didn’t matter. And Kate shouldn’t have said it, it wasn’t right to claim him. But she couldn’t help herself.

“Um… We met when we were sixteen.”

“That’s so sweet!”

“Yeah, he’s um… he’s a sweetie.”

And he was also the other thing she’d always wanted.

#kathony #anthony x kate #kate sharma #kate sheffield #anthony bridgerton #molly’s asks and answers

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maaarine · 23 days ago

Text

My PMDD hell: why I went abroad to have my ovaries removed (Sarah Gillespie, The Times, Nov 27 2024)

"For six years, from my late twenties, I have lived with a condition called premenstrual dysphoric disorder, or PMDD.

Due to a genetic quirk, I have a brain sensitivity that makes my body intolerant to its own hormonal changes.

Instead of becoming moody and irritable, as with PMS, I become catatonic and racked with pain.

Dysphoria blooms in my brain, making me depressed and paranoid. I binge on carbohydrates, needing 3,000 calories a day just to function.

This happens for 7-14 days every month, during the latter half of my menstrual cycle, as hormone levels plummet.

On the third day of my period, the fog lifts and I feel normal again. But relief is soon replaced by dread as I survey the destruction.

There are relationships to repair, overdue bills to pay and excess pounds to lose.

It is the life of Sisyphus: every month, I roll the boulder up the mountain only for it to roll down again. (…)

PMDD is surprisingly common and, according to World Health Organisation data, affects 5.5 per cent of women of child-bearing age — about 824,000 women in the UK.

Of these, more than a third have attempted suicide. Yet hardly anyone’s heard of it.

No one knows the cause, either, though scientists generally agree that it’s genetic — hence why psychological therapies can’t fully fix it.

It was only in 2019 that the WHO added PMDD to its international classification of diseases and related health problems (ICD-11), legitimising it as a medical diagnosis (though there are still medical professionals who dispute its existence). (…)

After diagnosis, women with PMDD are put onto a ladder of treatments ranked from least to most invasive.

But as the body ages and hormones become more erratic, PMDD gets progressively worse.

So even when I found a rung on the ladder that worked, I never got to rest there for long.

First, there were lifestyle changes: diet, weight training, high-intensity interval training (HIIT).

Then supplements: chasteberry, evening primrose, magnesium, calcium, L-tryptophan, vitamin B6. Then antidepressants: fluoxetine, sertraline, citalopram.

Then contraceptives: Evra, Yasmin, Eloine. Finally, there was HRT: Utrogestan, Estradot, Estraderm.

I climbed that ladder for five years. Only HIIT and fluoxetine worked, for about nine months each; the rest worked for two months, if at all. (…)

After all this, only one rung was left on the ladder — one with a 96 per cent satisfaction rate, the closest thing to a cure.

This last-resort treatment is a bilateral salpingo oophorectomy: the surgical removal of both ovaries and fallopian tubes.

Upon their removal, all hormone fluctuations would stop, my hormone levels would drop to almost zero and I would enter menopause.

I would need to take hormone replacement therapy (HRT) until my fifties or risk the early onset of osteoporosis, heart disease and dementia. It would also make me infertile. (…)

Getting approved for surgery on the NHS requires a trial period in a reversible “chemical” menopause: monthly injections that would shut down my ovaries, end my suffering and “prove” that I had PMDD.

That was the idea, anyway. Instead, the injections threw my hormones into chaos, resulting in a PMDD episode that lasted for 11 months.

Deprived of even the monthly breaks in my symptoms, I languished in bed.

My attention shattered; I spent countless days scrolling my phone. I gulped down painkillers and sleeping pills like Skittles.

My finances were collapsing. I gained more than two stone in weight.

“It should be working by now,” the gynaecologist said after three months. “Have you tried eating more vegetables?”

The next gynaecologist was no better. “If it hasn’t worked, that suggests it’s not PMDD,” she said. “I should probably refer you to a psychiatrist.”

After months of my pleading, she agreed to write to the surgeon. But her letter was an act of sabotage.

“Sarah has diagnosed herself with PMDD,” she wrote, ignoring my GP’s diagnosis.

“She is on many help groups and accessing a lot of support from other PMDD sufferers online.” In other words: “This hypochondriac is spending too much time on the internet.”

Yes, I was on the internet, but I wasn’t talking to help groups any more.

Instead I’d been digging into scientific papers to find studies on chemical menopause.

Eventually, I found one — a meta-analysis of five clinical trials published in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry.

It stated that chemical menopause treats PMDD in “upwards of 70 per cent” of cases — but not 100 per cent, as the NHS doctors had said.

The International Association for Premenstrual Disorders (IAPMD) backs this up.

On its page on chemical menopause it says, “In rare cases [chemical menopause] does not fully suppress the cycle and there are breakthrough symptoms… If this was the case, you may still respond well to surgical menopause.”

Two months later, I was in Lithuania. Feeling desperate and unable to afford the £10,000 it would cost for private surgery in the UK, I had googled “gynaecology surgery Europe”.

This led me to Nordclinic in Kaunas, which treats about 2,000 British patients annually.

I sent my medical records to the surgeon, who agreed to perform the surgery. (…)

Though it’s early days, I still can’t believe how well I feel. My future unfurls before me without interruption.

I have so much time: time to write, to see friends and family, to travel, go on dates, paint and sing and read and run.

Time to cook, as I can now handle knives without fear. Time to sit and do nothing and burst out laughing from sheer wonder — for life without PMDD is so, so wonderful and I will forever be grateful for it.

That said, I still need to reckon with all the time taken from me over the past six years.

My trust in our healthcare system is broken and will probably never be restored.

I need to kick away the crutches — food, phone, pills, alcohol — that have held me up and rediscover better ways to cope.

But this time, I don’t need to keep starting again and again and again every month.

Yes, the scars are still red and raw. But by next summer, they’ll be gone."

#article #weaker sex #pmdd #tw suicide #health

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lemmetreatya · 2 years ago

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gynecologist!zeke spreading reader open with a speculum at whistling at her insides

all you zeke babies are the same i love it wth??? you all just get this man so well 😭😭

this experience was anxious enough as it was.

in fact, getting anything done at the ob-gyn was never a fun time, but now things were even more unnerving as your gynaecologist decides to whistle as soon as he pushes the speculum pass your vaginal opening you.

“what?” you answer with urgency.

“huh?”

his reply was so nonchalant that you thought you were imagining things. but surely not, right?

you lay your head back down onto the bed before lifting it up again.

“i was sure you just whistled.”

the gynaecologist doesn’t say anything at first, only turn his back to you as he sterilised other equipment on the metal tray. it takes him several seconds before he mumbles:

“maybe?”

you frown.

“what were you whistling at?”

“nothing.”

“well, it has to be something? you put that thingy inside of me and you whistled.”

the gynaecologist runs a hand down his beard, the shk shk of the hair against his fingers suddenly started to irritate you.

and he was about to put that same hand near your vagina?!

“air musta slipped out my mouth.” he blatantly lies, and now your elbows are digging into the hard hospital bed as you sit yourself up.

“liar.” you accuse.

“how?! you don’t know what i was whistling at.” he childishly fires back and you have to give him an expression of unbelief because surely he wasn’t for real.

even with your trousers and panties circling your ankles and your nether regions on full display, you still had to let the man know you weren’t playing around.

“that’s even worst! and so unprofessional.”

with a taken aback face, the gynaecologist looks at you in disbelief.

“sorry— whos exactly the one with a doctorate here?”

“what has a doctorate got to do with knowing not to whistle at a patients fucking vagina?!”

“woah! no need to use that typa language.”

the gynaecologist raises his hands up by his head, his expression not even half sorry for what he’d done. however, now that his doctors jacket was exposed, you could see the name tag on his chest.

“zeke, get it out.”

“what?” you can tell he was caught off guard by you knowing his name. you look straight at him, your eyes narrowing.

“i said, get it out.”

suddenly, zekes pursing his lips as he pushes away from your legs. instantly hes already drawing back towards his computer screen.

“i dunno if i can do that, i think i’ve seen something weird—”

“GET IT OUT—“

#zeke jeager x reader #zeke jaeger #zeke x reader #zeke a real bitch #zeke yaeger x reader #aot #mikasa attack on titan #sorry if this doesnt seem up to scratch 😭😭#i wasn’t entirely sure what you wanted from the request so i didn’t wanna go too far down the spectrum

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sadceline · 25 days ago

Text

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 22

|| Reverse harem || ft. TXT, Mingyu (Seventeen) & BTS

WARNINGS: foul language, explicit content, group sex, humiliation, sex in public, threesome, foursoome, rough sex, red flags, immoral acts, unprotected sex, morbid jealousy, comedy, parody, possessiveness, violent quarrels, arguments, betrayals, lies, femdom sometimes.

GENRE: +18, reverse harem, comedy, enemy to lovers, friends to lovers

INDEX (Chapters order)

It must be strange for her, given the new terms of her contract, but I am surprised to see her in the kitchen at all.

I heard from our manager that Amanda had an appointment with a Hybe doctor today, that there was no need to accompany her as he would take care of it. I think even he would eventually fall in love with her and, realising how impossible it is not to, he would make our host change.

That would sort of fix everything, but what would happen to Amanda?

I sigh and turn off the last burner. I don't look at her directly, I feel uncomfortable. I said some crazy things the last time we were alone, I don't want to deny it but there's a part of me that still believes them.

"How are you?" She sits up and stares at me blankly. "Fine." "You don't look like you got much sleep." I say, getting the dishes ready for the boys, because if I don't think about it, they'll end up eating junk, or worse, not eating at all. "We just slept." She says, but sounds lifeless. "You don't have to explain, I don't care."

I say as I walk over to the table with her plate and place it in front of her, but she keeps looking at me. Why is she staring at me? Why do I feel uncomfortable?

"You know about the video, right?" She asks.

I swallow in annoyance, put down the plate and go back behind the cooker to tidy up. "You have your first appointment today, with the gynaecologist, I think. - I abruptly change the subject. - Would you like to go with Ester?" "C-can I do that?" She asks, as if she had forgotten her first question, so enthusiastic is about the proposal.

I swallow and lower my eyes. Damn, she's so cute when she makes expressions like that…

"I think you would feel more comfortable than with our manager." "R-Really… I… I'd be happy with that, b-but-" "I know about the video. Don't worry." I sigh annoyed, but really I'm just uncomfortable. "Do you… do you think I could talk to Jungwon? D-Do you think he'd be angry?" "It depends. To what?" Jake asks as he walks into the kitchen.

His hair is down today, now that I notice it's gotten really long, it falls elegantly over his face, he has a stern look on his face, but that's probably just because he's just woken up and is in a bad mood. But he took his plate and sat down next to her, even though neither of them had answered.

"It doesn't matter." Amanda says under her breath. "If these guys blackmail you, let me know. - Jaeyun says, although his tone is friendly he doesn't seem to be joking, I know him. - I'll talk some sense into them."

I purse my lips, and although she doesn't seem to notice, Jaeyun gives me a dirty look. He's probably heard more than is letting on, now he's definitely in a bad mood.

"What are you doing today?" I ask him, pouring myself some water and leaning against the kitchen counter as I look at him quietly. "I've got a photoshoot and then I'm making a video for YouTube with Sunoo. - I nod interestedly, but I already knew that, I just wanted to change the subject. - And you?" "I'm taking Amanda to the doctor." The girl turns to me in surprise, but it's Jake who answers before she can open her mouth. "Why you?" "She's going with Ester… I'm taking the opportunity to see her." I smile. "It's crazy that you're the one doing these things. - Jake laughs instead. - You know you make a mess when they see you? There are MAMAs in a couple of months." "The visit is in Hybe. It's safe." I reply, no longer smiling, but annoyed that although it really is safe, it would actually be safer not to go.

The Hybe is like a jungle and every step you take could be a landmine, ready to explode at any moment. I know, I'm annoyed to be reminded of this, but I can't say anything else.

"Then be careful." Jaeyun snorts and starts to eat. "I will."

Also entering the room is Riki, who is just thrilled to see Amanda at the table and literally wastes no time in taking a seat next to her.

"Good morning noona. Are you awake because you slept all night? Sunghoon hyung wasn't much, was he?"

He asks amusedly, continuing to invade her personal space, leaning and rubbing against her like a cat, but shaking her so much that he also moves Jake, who seems even more nervous.

Could this really have happened? Did Sunghoon not have the strength to do it alone one last time? Or could it even have been her who rejected him? Both possibilities seem unlikely to me.

"Won't you bring my plate?" Riki asks after a while when he notices that it doesn't come. God, how spoiled he is. "Don't you have hands? Or legs?" I answer, approaching the coffee machine. The maknae mumbles as he stands up, Amanda looks at me. "Have you eaten?" I look away quickly, not wanting to make eye contact with her for too long or I'll feel weird. "I don't eat in the morning." "You cook for everyone, but you don't eat?" She asks me meekly… looking… worried.

I don't have time to answer because a freshly reared Heeseung specimen joins us in the kitchen.

Although on his days off he doesn't wake up before ten o'clock, or worse, this morning he appears out of nowhere in the kitchen, leaving everyone quite surprised, but seeing what a pissed off face he has, no one comments.

"Good morning, bitches, and Amanda." "Over to you, hyung." Raises his glass of juice, Riki, who seems completely amused by the chaotic situation we're in.

She lowers her head, not quite able to withstand Heeseung's gaze. I wonder if it's because she's afraid of him or because she has feelings for him, either way I shouldn't care, but either way it bothers me.

"So - Heeseung begins to speak, approaching the counter and taking his plate - today we define the terms of the contract? The boundaries?" He asks, sitting at the head of the table so he can look at both Amanda and me.

"I don't know, it's the doctor's appointment today. Maybe you'd rather relax - I say with a disinterested air - and then she can discuss the terms with me alone." Heeseung laughs in annoyance. "Yeah? Just you? And who exactly are you?" What a friendly tone, but I smile, nervous but smiling. "Someone more trustworthy than you." The elder man laughs again and bites into his eggs. "All right, let's pretend. And where is this examination? Who is she going with?"

Jungwon arrives in the kitchen, followed by Sunoo. He's smiling even at this late hour. I immediately notice that the first person he looks at with his eyes, which would normally be me, is Amanda instead.

Her hair is dishevelled, she is made-up, her eyes are tired, and yet she remains so beautiful. She is wearing one of Sunghoon's few sweatshirts, as he is not used to wearing them, and even without doing anything in particular, she manages to be irresistible.

Perhaps the fact that she is the only girl in the dormitory makes us particularly vulnerable.

"Let's go together, me and Jay hyung." Jungwon says, taking his plate and sitting down opposite Amanda, then with his back to me. "Why should you go? I'm free too." "I see Ester - I explain - Jungwon is doing his job as a leader. You know it's not a good idea send her with Yuki."

We've been calling him that for so long, our manager, that I'm sure Riki can't even remember his real name. Maybe his surname.

Heeseung laughs again. "It's fine, it seems absolutely safe for you two to go out with two girls, sure. After all, you're not idols, you're not even part of a group named Enhypen". "The visit is in Hybe - explained Jungwon, who I spoke to by text this morning. - Everything will be fine, but thank you for your concern! It's good to know that you care about us."

This time the elder does not answer as Sunoo starts to laugh while sitting next to the leader. I smile too as I drink my coffee, silent and smug.

"Is he a male gynaecologist?" Heeseung asks. I shake my head. "I don't know. Anyway, Ester goes with her, so…" "We all know why Hybe has a gynaecologist, don't we?" Jaeyun asks, who hasn't finished his breakfast yet, but definitely eaten. "For abortions?" Riki asks spontaneously. Jungwon chokes and starts to cough, Sunoo laughs but hands him some water and taps him on the back. "Come on, come on. It's not the time to die, at least wait until you're 27 so you'll stay in history… Anyway, I think there's sumbae Taehyung in Hybe today".

He says it like it's nothing, but he's literally just dropped a bomb. The first thing that comes to mind is: is Bangtan going to have a host? And immediately after that: why him? I mean, even Jungkook would be fine (because he's such a snob), but Taehyung… he's really particular, I don't want him to meet Amanda… or Ester.

"Isn't it dangerous to go to Hybe? There are always fans lurking around the headquarters." Riki asks, having finished eating, oddly enough everything.

Amanda just pinched her food, still looking down, and even the news about Taehyung didn't cheer her up. Why am I so sorry? I shouldn't be.

Actually the area is safe, they have their people who keep an eye on everything and then we enter through the underground car park. As for Taehyung sumbae…. I don't think we'll meet him. - Jungwon laughs. - We are nobodies to him." "Actually, he doesn't notice you, he notices them." Remember Heeseung looking at me, though, clearly expecting something, from me, and I'm pretty sure it's keeping Taehyung away from Amanda. "The medical department is secluded, hardly a chance to say hello to the sumbae." I say, trying to put an end to this conversation that is starting to get on my nerves.

Sunghoon also arrives in the kitchen, his face looking worse than it has for months. The first thing he does is stare at Amanda, who notices and lowers her eyes.

"Medical department? Say hello to who?" He asks. I look at him for a few seconds without answering, then sigh. "Amanda is going to see the Doctor. Her friend Ester is going with her, so I'm going with Jungwon too. Taehyung sumbae will be at headquarters." "I'll come too." He says without thinking. Jungwon snorts. "No."

I don't know what to say at the moment. It's not like him to forget that he has work commitments, is he so… shaken by the whole thing that he would make such a mistake? He doesn't seem like himself.

"You have a commercial today, don't you remember?" I ask him curiously. Sunghoon looks at me in surprise. "Ah… that's right, I haven't checked my phone yet." "You remember what he does but not what I have to do?" Jaeyun asks me with a chuckle.

Amanda lifts her eyes to Sunghoon, confused, probably softened. She must have noticed that Sunghoon left the room as soon as he dont saw her. Heeseung witnesses the whole scene, then puts his chopsticks on the plate, noisy, annoyed, Amanda lowers her gaze, almost intimidated.

What a guy, Lee Heeseung.

It's useless anyway. - Try to calm the situation, Jungwon, with great nonchalance. - I'll go, i'm the leader. Amanda would like the company of a friend, Jay hyung's chick". "Does Hanni know?" Sunghoon asks annoyed. "What? That I, as leader, have to supervise the medical examination of our host? - He pauses briefly. - No, I missed it. Does Wonyoung know?"

Sunghoon doesn't answer, but by now he's not even angry, obviously Wonyoung's affairs can no longer be used against him. He comes over to the counter where the coffee machine is. I make breakfast for him too, but he often skips it, like now, when he makes himself an american coffee instead.

"When are you leaving? - Heeseung asks, getting everyone's attention. - When are you coming back?" "When are we going, hyung?" Jungwon asks. "Around ten." I answer. "When are we coming back?" He asks again. I laugh, it's unbearable when he does that, but his sense of humour kills me. "We'll see." "Good answer!" "They're stupid, but you acts like tyrant." Sunoo comments, eating very quietly and enjoying the show, though I wonder how he feels lately. "I'm the cutest tyrant in the world though, right noona?" Jungwon asks, waving at her, and she actually raises her eyes, paralysed by the young leader's expression.

Fuck… she's practically blushing in front of him and now looks around nervously. How is she older than me? She's so damn pretty. I approach Jungwon and slap him politely on the back of the head.

" Yah! Why?" "Stop being a tyrant. - I pretend to scold him, then sigh. - Look, I'm not letting you get up until you've finished eating."

At first she does not seem to understand, but when she does, she stares at me with that strange look she always gives me. I don't know what it means, but she looks sad.

I want to be part of the tyrant too!' - Riki says and raises his hand. - Besides, I've got nothing to do. Come on, you should take me with you." "No." Heeseung replies, crossing his arms over his chest, he hasn't touched his food yet, this isn't like him at all. "You can't tell me what to do." Niki mumbles, though not as proudly as usual, moving some leftovers around the plate with a chopstick, this boy with no manners… "Yah, don't play with your food. You'll find the same breakfast until you eat it." "I'm not playing - he whines like a wayward child - come on, let me come with you!" "No, go and join Heeseung." I snort, amused. "I don't want to, I don't want to!"

I see Amanda smiling because of Riki's funny and childish tone, who doesn't usually act like that, or rather… he used to act like that a lot… but now he's changed. There are many reasons why he did that, but we were also suffering and someone realised it too late.

He used to be a funny guy, a bit weird, but always happy - like Jungwon, but without his malice. Now he has the malice and he has gone dark with all of us, maybe because of the problems he had with Jaeyun, whatever they may be.

I nod amusedly. "Try tidying up the house, there are so many things you could do on your day off." Heeseung is very stiff, I can see and feel it. "Stay home, we'll spend some quality time together." This sounds like a veiled threat. "Since you left before I woke up - Sunghoon sighs, looking sad and a little tired - I put my number on your phone." He tells her. I look at him, annoyed. "How did you do that? Do you know her code?" "I found out the first day." He says, sipping his coffee. Amanda laughs, not in delight, but in obvious disbelief, her eyebrows raised in surprise. "You lied. Did you read my chats?" "I don't understand… English that well - in fact, he doesn't even understand it that badly - and anyway, I have dignity, I don't give a damn about your chats." Sunghoon replies, always very polite. "Should Amanda noona teach you?" Sunoo suggests, laughing. "I know some english too." Jaeyun replies. "Did your phone come back?" Heeseung asks, looking at our host who nods weakly.

It's strange, it's the first time in a long time that we're all in the kitchen, should I be happy about it? Actually, the correct emotion is concern - most of them are just here to check on Amanda.

Although it seems obvious that she is the element that will divide us, I keep getting the impression that she is actually bringing us closer, albeit in a somewhat toxic way… not that she is to blame, of course.

"I'm meeting Intak hyung today." Sunoo says changing the subject. "Really? He didn't ask about me?" Riki asks. "Why would he?" The blonde asks again, sulking. "Why should he go out with you?" The maknae replies amused. I shrug my shoulders. "None of your business."

Eventually they all start to annoy Sunoo a bit, reminding him that he's a pretty shady guy and hangs out with guys who are a bit crazy, but knowing Sunoo, now, he's even more interested in hanging out with him, after all he's just a rebellious kid too.

"You eat too. - Heeseung sighs irritably and looks at Sunoo before getting up from the table. - And you, let me know when you get home." He speaks to Amanda. Sunghoon is visibly annoyed, probably because it would be strange to say the same thing now, and he wants to. "Let's have a group. I don't see the point of talking alone". "That's not a bad idea - Jaeyun says, putting down his chopsticks, he hasn't finished his breakfast either, but I know it's not because of the taste. - But you gave her your number, right?" Sunghoon looks at him boredly. "Everyone but you." "Then you haven't really seen her chats." He bursts out laughing.

The peer stares at him wordlessly, but then seems to think, I think he saw the chats, but hastily, because he was too proud. He probably didn't check the archived chats, what a newbie… ….

Heeseung looks up in irritation and then leaves the room, not even bothering to put his plate down. I grin irritably, I hate it when he remembers he's older, because there's no way I can compensate for that.

"Such manners." Sunghoon comments. I push him. "Shut up." "You shut up." He replies. "Noona, you really need to finish your breakfast." Says Jungwon, who hasn't been heard from for a while.

With his back to me, I didn't see his expression the whole time, but he was silent for a long time. He was probably studying the people around him to get a better idea of what they were thinking.

Amanda nods, awkwardly but charmingly filling his mouth, and I hear the leader chuckle.

"Go get settled, it takes an hour each time." "Right, we could meet Taehyung hyung. - He nods, gets up and takes the dishes of the others, too, to put them back into the dishwasher. - We have to hurry, Noona." "Speaking of which, you shouldn't wear anything flashy. Neither should your boyfriend." It sounds like advice, but it's more of a threat to Sunghoon as he turns to Amanda, who avoids his gaze. She does the same with him - could it be that she likes them both? "You have a lot of cloths to me - Jaeyun interrupts - change in my room." Amanda looks at me, not understanding, then turns and smiles weakly. "W-Well, thank you." "Don't thank him, he's not doing anything special." Sunghoon approaches her angrily. "Finish eating." I tell her again.

She gives me that adorable worried look and goes back to her breakfast like a child who has been scolded. Jungwon watches her for a few seconds, then smiles softly.

"Omo, noona. You look so pretty while you eat." He says. I snort and grab him by the shoulders and push him out of the kitchen. "I said dress!" "Jay, you have to be careful today." Sunghoon tells me when the leader has finally disappeared from the hallway. "I know." I sigh. "Have you talked to Ester? Did you tell her to dress inconspicuously?" He calls her by name? "Yes." I answer. Sunghoon's lips tighten, as if he's annoyed because there's nothing else to pick on me about. "She can't meet Taehyung." "She won't meet him." I snort. "Can I… can I move my schedule?" "You want to postpone the production of a commercial? - I look at him in silence, wishing he would see the absurdity of his suggestion for himself. - Don't talk shit. Pull yourself together."

The truth is that I've been thinking about this for a while. I didn't want to concretise my thoughts in order to get the hypothesis out of my head, but what worries me now is not that Taehyung notices Amanda.

But that Ester notices Taehyung.

The night we met she talked a lot about BTS, about being an army. Ester is just as beautiful as Amanda, and she fits the korean standard of beauty much better, with her milky skin, petite but graceful body, and her boobs, that no heterosexual man can ignore it, right?

Amanda will be scruffy, Ester probably not scruffy enough - I've warned her not to wear skimpy things, but I haven't told her to dress badly. Should I do it now? It feels wrong, though, because she might meet her idol.

But what if…

No, that's absurd. Taehyung probably won't even look at us, and we'll have to try and go unnoticed too, before some big head from Hybe questions the situation of the two of us together with two beautiful girls.

"Noona, would you like me to give you some tips on how to dress?" Riki suggests, catching everyone's attention. Amanda giggles, perhaps for the first time this morning. "Thanks… But I'm really good at dressing badly." "There, I'm getting bored already. - The brat sighs and gets up from the table. - I wonder if Heeseung hyung is in the mood to get his ass kicked at Play".

He leaves the room. I laugh but try to keep my composure, the fact is that even though Heeseung has been playing for years, Riki seems to get good at everything instantly, even games he doesn't even know.

Jaeyun takes Amanda by the shoulders as she finishes eating. "Let's go, come on." Amanda meekly lets herself be pulled along. "Alright…" Sunghoon watches them go, then mumbles. "Shit, is the doctor a man?" "I have no idea, but I…" "I don't want another man to see her naked." He interrupts me, quietly angry. I sigh, I can't take it any longer. "We've all seen her naked, practically." "It's not the same." He replies seriously. I narrow my eyes, annoyed by his concern. "Can we? Me, can I?" Sunghoon's face changes, I knew this would happen, but I answered anyway. "You've got your new girlfriend, right?" "We know it's no problem, right?" "Don't piss me off." "I'm just trying to reason with you. - I sigh again and pat him on the shoulder before leaving him alone in the kitchen. - Go and have a shower, you look like shit."

#enhypen #enha smut #kpop smut #enhypen heeseung #enhypen sunghoon #enha fanfic #porcodio #enha #enha heeseung #heeseung #sunghoon #enha sunghoon #park sunghoon #lee heeseung

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straykidshoe · 11 months ago

Text

Yes doctor

PAIRINGS: Hwang Hyunjin x Fem!Reader

GENRE: Mature (Smut)

MUSIC: I hope you know what you're doing by KiNG MALA

CONTAINS: Doctor!au, strangers to lovers

SMUT WARNINGS: over the underwear orgasm, oral f!recieving, teasing f!recieiving. Please message me if i misseed anything.

WORD COUNT: 1,530

A/N: Don't read too much into the medical malpractice.

You rubbed your palms against your slacks, the silky material doing nothing to stop the constant flow of sweat. The nurse did offer you a set of scrubs but you refused, your nerves being too overpowering for you to actually register her question- which you were now regretting. As you sat in the partially empty waiting room, you started to reflect on how you actually ended up here. Initially, you thought that it was your own decision, that you were taking charge of your own health, being that girl- but in truth, your past partners had managed to weasel the notion that something was wrong with you, into your brain.

You couldn’t orgasm, not by someone else’s devices anyway, if you were alone with your fingers and vibrator you could decently cum to the point where you weren’t sexually frustrated- but you had never experienced the fireworks and blinding light that all your girlfriends would go on and on about. At first you would lie to your ex’s, forcefully clenching down on their fingers and panting deeply- but soon enough they would realise that you in fact did not cum. And boy, were their ego’s bruised. Nonsense would start to spew out of their mouth and some of them just called you ugly, you even tried a one night stand- that didn’t turn out well, it felt like you were a tree and a big grizzly bear was just helplessly rutting into you.

So here you are, on a Tuesday evening at the gynaecologist’s monochrome waiting room, flipping through a flimsy magazine- you still had your work clothes on, the white blouse and black slacks you had paired together in the morning lent themselves to the decor. Helping you blend in and mask your shame.

After a few minutes of inner turmoil and self loathing- a nurse had called out your name, guiding you to a dark wood door- on which a metal name plate read, ‘Dr. Hwang Hyunjin’.

Well this could only go well, he even sounded like a pretentious asshole- maybe it’ll lighten the blow when he told you that you had a rare disease where you could never cum at the hands of a man. Well you could be a lesbian, that wouldn-

‘Ah, Miss Y/L/N- come in. Take a seat’ A deep voice cut off your trail of thought as the door swung open you were met with a face. But not just any face- an angelic, beautiful face. One that was probably carved by Aphrodite herself, nevermind a gift from her- he was birthed out of her. You stood there for a while, dumbstruck, analysing his smooth skin and focussing on the birthmark just underneath his almond eye,

‘Miss Y/L/N ?’ the same baritone flowed through your ears, like hot caramel, it encompassed you in a warm cocoon, you blinked a few times- trying to clear the delicious fog that had began to form in your mind,

‘Yes-’ you cleared your throat, in hopes that you would snap back into reality, ‘Yes, that’s me.’ The man laughed, his eyes crinkling up until crescents, ‘Yea, Come on in,’ he moved to the side, arm outstretched. Laughing sheepishly, you bunched up your shoulders as you stepped in- sitting on the chair that was in line with his desk.

He followed suit, pulling out and sitting on the chair diagonal to you- he leant forward, reaching to shake out your hand.

As you accepted it, you marvelled at the sheer size of his palm and length of his fingers- he was warm, like a sensual dance that slowly made your blood bubble in your fucking vena cava. He felt like a welcomed heartburn.

‘Hi, my name is Dr.Hwang. And you are?’ He grinned at you, mischief gleaming through his brown iris’. Like in a forest when the sun would stream through the trunks of the tall trees.

‘You already know that’ You replied, sporting an equally cheeky grin, ‘But, since I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. My name is Y/N’

He leaned back giving you a smirk whilst holding his hands up in mock surrender

‘You caught me, I like to think that most patients get more comfortable if we properly introduce themselves’ .

He then swivelled in his chair to reach for a clipboard- the medical form attached flapped with his harsh movement, ‘Your medical file said “unspecified” so I only assume you wanted to tell me directly what was wrong.’ He brought his gaze up from the form towards your face, which was now flushed with embarrassment, rubbing your sweaty palms together,

‘Yeah so- I can’t cum.’ You chuckled as his eyes widened into saucers and a faint dusting of red reached his ears- he cleared his throat harshly whilst tugging at the knot of his tie. Holy fuck, those veins, you wonder what they would look like when wrapped around your-

‘You can’t..cum?’ He jotted down something on his paper, before placing the clipboard on his desk. This guy couldn’t let you finish one thought.

‘Yes, I can’t.’ He arched an eyebrow up at you, was he really a doctor? Maybe he was a model in his past life,

‘As in, you have never experienced an orgasm. Ever?’ His voice was shaky as he snapped on some bright blue gloves.

‘Dr Hwang, I have never cum at the hands of a man.’ Noticing the way his thighs constricted under his slacks made you realise that maybe, this attraction wasn’t one sided.

‘Please call me Hyunjin,’ He muttered as he rolled towards you- folding the sleeves of his white coat up to his elbows, ‘I find it’s better for certain patients.’

You ignored his last comment, trying not to think about the countless amount of women that have probably drooled over him like you are right now, ‘So, do I need to sit there- how do you want me?’

Nice choice of words.

Once again, you managed to gauge a reaction out of him- his arms constricted as he gripped his poor slacks and he sighed deeply through his nose as he looked down,

‘Just there, on the bed-’ He looked back up as he pointed to the medical bed, tucked away in the corner, ‘I need you to, uhm, take off your underwear and pants.’

You choked on your spit,of course you had to take your underwear off. It's a gynaecologist visit for god sake,

‘Uhm, yeah obviously.’ Silently, you walked to the bed, taking support of it so that you could slowly drag down your slacks. You tried not to look directly at him as you felt his eyes boring into your now naked legs- God damn is he intense.

You rubbed your thighs together as you felt the damp material stick to your folds, there is now probably a 99% chance that there was a dark patch of soiled cotton right where your hot sex was.

‘You need some help?’ His condescending voice sent a shiver throughout you, you finally met his dark gaze- it felt like he held a live wire and was millimetres away from shocking you as he slowly stood and made his way to your body. You nodded, scared that if you opened your mouth- even just an inch; that a series of moans and whimpers would flow out- Hyunjin smiled at your meek demeanour, like you were an innocent rabbit and he was a sly fox.

He inhaled deeply as he dragged his nose along your neck, hands caressing your’s, he made a slow descent down your body- nudging your flowy blouse slightly, he layed small pecks on your stomach. Soon he reached the band of your underwear, looking up at you he waited for confirmation, ‘Please..’ you breathed out, groaning in frustration, when he kissed the front of your underwear before moving further down to your clothed pussy. You wretched your hand away from him, to grip on the bed behind you whilst one of his hands wandered up and under your shirt, grazing at the band of your bra- the other dragging up and down your thighs.

Soon enough he had reached the damp material, chuckling when he nudged your covered clit with his nose- making you jolt backwards, ‘I haven’t even touched you yet-’ he prodded your leaking hole with his finger, ‘Look how you pussy wants me..’ he lazily brought his eyes to yours before licking a strip along your underwear, humming as your whole body erupted in goosebumps. What the fuck is this.

He reached for one of your hands whilst keeping his mouth latched on your pussy, his tongue continuously prodding your hole, he found purchase on the hand that was grasping the paper sheet on top of the bed for dear life. Wrapping his fingers around yours he guided them beneath the barrier adorning your throbbing heat- letting you rub harsh circles on your swollen clit. As he rockede back on his haunches he watched you as you helplessly jerked your hips upwards, searching for further friction to help you reach your orgasm whilst moaning softly. You gasped as with one hand he played against your abdomen, halting your jerky movements in place. Whimpering as he moved your underwear to the side.

Leaning forward he blew cold air against your glistening folds, you let out a guttural groan as you gripped his black locks with both hands- trying to push his head further towards your cunt, desperate to feel him ravage you.

‘Uh uh uh, need you to tell me what you want..’ he kissed your slit gently, chuckling when you moaned into the humid air surrounding the two of you. You turned your head to the side, not wanting him to see your expression as you began to stutter, ‘A-anything. God please, just do anything. Just want you..’ You were on the verge of tears, if this is what euphoria felt like, you would happily welcome it with open arms,

You could hear him coo from beneath you, ‘What are you doing to me Y/N?’ he muttered under his breath.

Jesus you like the way he said your name- like it’s a secret.

dipping two of his fingers into your cunt he collected your wetness before placing them into his mouth, moaning as your tangy sweetness blanketed his taste buds.

‘I think I know the exact prescription for you..’ He kitten licked your clit, grinning wolfishly when he saw your folds flutter around nothing, ‘Would you like a demonstration,’ he quirked his eyebrow up at you, ghosting his plump lips over your glistening pussy.

You let out a shaky breath, ‘Yes doctor..’

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chasteandpregnantmale · 5 months ago

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The immaculate conception of Michael Part 1

To celebrate over 2500 followers, I thought I would post a story I have been working on. Here's the first part:

Part 1

It was the day of Toby's full profession. He had been with the community a little over 3 years, spending a year as a postulant, then two as a novice. On this pleasantly warm summer’s day of 11th July which was the Feast of St Benedict - the monastery’s patron - Toby became Brother Aidan. The vows of poverty, chastity and obedience were now part of him.

The profession of a new monk is always a big thing in the community's calendar. As well as the members of the community people from outside were invited. Toby had created a bit of a following from the laity. Being a young, good looking monk he was popular with both men and women. He had got particularly friendly with a couple now in their mid to late thirties. Jan and Jon had been very helpful to Toby when he was struggling with coming to terms with monastic life as a postulant and had been very encouraging of him to keep going. They knew he needed to fulfil his vocation and he would feel worse if he gave up early on.

Toby was very grateful for their huge support during that time and knew that he wouldn’t now be fully professed as Brother Aidan if it had not been for them. While Jan and Jon were always cheerful and positive, Toby knew that there was a huge sadness in their lives. They had been married 15 years and had tried very hard to have children but Jan was unable to get pregnant. They had tried everything under the sun including IVF - all to no avail. Toby felt for them, not because he wanted to be a parent, but because there was nothing he could do to help them.

That day was particularly poignant for Jan and Jon as they saw Toby fulfil his calling to become Brother Aidan. They were so pleased for him with all they had gone through together. But it raised in them, once again, the feelings that they were unable to fulfil their own calling to be parents. Of course they were not going to trouble Toby (they still thought of him as Toby) with this on his special day, so they sought out the Abbot who had been talking about this with them over many years.

That night, the Abbot had a very vivid dream. He was not usually one to remember dreams but this one was quite startling. He dreamt that Brother Aidan carried a child for Jan and Jon. The Abbot put it down to his brain just gathering up all the elements of the previous day and making one odd dream out of them. But the dream kept on occurring every week or so until the Abbot started coming to believe that God might be speaking to him.

He was not quite sure what to do about it. Men didn’t have babies, but it was clearly Brother Aidan that got very pregnant in his dreams. What could it all mean? He was reluctant to share it with anyone as they would think he was just having kinky dreams. Then he had an idea. Brother Bernard had joined the community later in life. He had been quite a renowned gynaecologist before joining the community and taking his vows.

It turned out that Brother Bernard had heard of men getting pregnant. There were traditions of a tribe in Indonesia which told of male chiefs carrying their own successors. Most people in the Western world considered it to be just a nice fable, but there were some that didn’t want to rule it out completely, Brother Bernard being one of them.

It was Bro Bernard who suggested they try to get Bro Aidan pregnant. His scientific curiosity was ever to the fore and he wanted to check, once and for all, if it were possible. Both he and the Abbot agreed it should be done in absolute secrecy. It should be kept from the community and even Aidan as long as possible. Both recognised at a pregnancy would be hard to hide after a while. The only other people who should be in on it from the beginning would be Jon and Jan. They had to discover whether Jon and Jan would be happy to have a child using this method.

Jan and Jon could hardly believe there was another chance for them to start a family - albeit a slim chance. They readily agreed to the proposal and the importance of its secrecy. And so it was on Advent Sunday - the beginning of the Church’s year and hopefully the beginning of a new life - that Bro Aidan found himself in the Abbot’s study with Bro Bernard, Jan and Jon with them all laying hands on him and praying over him.

A few days previously, the Abbot had called Bro Aiden into his study. They talked about how he was finding the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. Bro Aidan wondered why the Abbot seemed to focus particularly on obedience. He wondered if he had broken this vow in some way but nothing specific was forthcoming. The Abbot went on to ask that, since he had a good relationship with Jan and Jon, he would like Bro Aidan to be like a chaplain to them to support them through the poverty of their childlessness. Further, he would like Bro Aidan to agree that he would do anything in his power to assist them in becoming parents. Bro Aidan readily agreed. How could he not as he had shared their childless pain for over three years now?

Bro Aidan did find it a little strange to be prayed over for this new role a few days later but he thought it was a nice touch for Jan and Jon and he liked how his new responsibility began at the beginning of the Churches year. He guessed the first event he would have to support them through would be another childless Christmas in less than a month’s time.

Christmas came and went and Bro Aidan was pleased that Jan and Jon seemed to bear it with more fortitude this year. In fact, they were really upbeat. They seemed to have new hope in their lives. Perhaps, he thought, it was because they had support validated by the Abbot and ultimately by God, as they had prayed over him. He realised, though, that he would have to be careful of the sin of pride if he began to think too much like this.

Jan & Jon were also on tenterhooks to find out whether Bro Aidan was actually pregnant as were Bro Bernard and the Abbot. Of course, they couldn’t do any tests for fear of Aidan finding out that he was in the family way, if indeed he was. They did get a bit of a clue on 6th January - the Feast of the Epiphany when God made manifest in man was celebrated. That morning at prayers Bro Bernard was pretty sure that Bro Aidan was looking pretty green. Perhaps a manifestation of his pregnancy, Bro Bernard confided in the Abbot. The Abbot gave him a knowing look.

Bro Aidan was indeed feeling pretty ill but initially just put it down to something he had eaten though none of the other brothers seemed to be suffering. The other weird thing for Aidan was that some very ordinary smells, like coffee, made him feel really ill. After a couple of weeks he went to see the MO. That was Bro Bernard with his previous medical experience. Bro Bernard gave his junior brother a thorough abdominal examination. He thought he could feel a bit of swelling there but it was too early really since the possible conception to tell. He told Bro Aidan that he didn’t think his sickness was anything to worry about. It might be a nervous thing with his new responsibilities as a fairly recently professed brother.

It seemed to take forever, but his morning sickness did ease off after a time. It seemed to coincide with a slight swelling in his lower belly. He noticed that his girdle (the rope around the waist monks wear with three knots one for each of the 3 vows) was tying in a different place. He had been constantly hungry for a few weeks now, even with the morning sickness and he was concerned that there might be something going on with his body.

He went to see Bro Bernard, who said it was all quite normal. A lot of young monks put on a bit of weight after they had been professed and settled down into the rhythm of monastic life. “For instance, look at Bro John” he said. Bro John was about five years older than Aidan and had quite a belly on his otherwise skinny frame. “He was like you when he was professed.” Aidan was content with that explanation, which was just as well as by Easter in mid April he had a belly to match Bro John’s.

Jan & Jon found their Easter visit very encouraging. Aidan’s bump was obvious to them. Bro Bernard had told them several weeks previously that he believed Aidan to be pregnant now. No one was more amazed than he. He also had to explain to them that it could be Couvade Syndrome as a result of the power of the prayer over him which had made him so sensitive to their wishes that his body was making a fake pregnancy. It was sometimes seen in the men of heterosexual couples when the woman was pregnant.

The question that was arising now was how much longer his pregnancy could be kept from Aidan, the community and the wider world. Now he was in his second trimester, he would start growing more quickly. Bro Bernard and the Abbot decided on a policy: they would tell the community when it became necessary to tell Bro Aidan of his condition. They would be asked to keep this information to themselves. They decided that the young brother should live life normally in the community and not be shut away when there were visitors. There was a risk that the outside world might be informed but that was a risk they were prepared to take.

Another issue was that they had no access to monitoring regimes that you would normally get in an ante-natal clinic. While Bro Bernard could tell a lot by tactile examination, he would have loved to have ultrasound facilities to see the baby for himself. It was also unclear from his research, how the baby would be born. There was evidently a natural way as the ancient communities where it is reported would have not had even the basic medical facilities. He and the Abbot decided that they would wait and see what happened and they could always resort to a hospital emergency if necessary.

Early in May Bro Bernard was watching his junior brother at the communion rail and realised that the monk’s youthful slim hips were broadening. He saw this as a good sign that Brother Aidan’s body was preparing for the birth. Aidan himself was noticing the body changes too. Of course he realised his belly was growing and he hadn’t really appreciated that he was losing his slim hips as there were no mirrors in the monastery. But he knew his face was getting softer and since he had got over the sickness thing, he was now feeling really energised. Even though Bro Bernard was adamant that there was nothing unusual going on in his body, he was pretty sure there was.

Aidan wondered whether the body changes were a punishment from God. Although he would never admit it, or perhaps was even conscious of it, Aidan had been proud of his body and now he was getting a beer belly. He tried not to, but deep down he despised fat people. Maybe this was God teaching him a lesson. Aidan would have been even more upset if he could see himself in a mirror. There was a glass door which he could often see himself in. He could see that his habit stuck out a bit in front but the image was not that clear.

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diazsdimples · 7 months ago

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I Need Inspiration Saturday

The semester is finally (almost) over, and once I've handed in my last 4 assignments (that are all due on Monday and I think I might cry) I'll finally be sinking my teeth into some of my wips again. Only problem is, it's been so long since I properly looked at any of them that I have no clue which one to work on. So, I'm gonna put little outlines/ blurbs of all my wips, and then a poll and y'all can tell me which one sounds like something you'd want to see more of. Yells seem to fuel me so this is the best way to get me going I feel. So, here are the wips!

Single Dad's AU (Buddie) - 19.3k written, probably 1/6th done (ish)

Buck is a single father to 2 girls, Carrie (7) and Lily (5), and is a probationary firefighter at the 118. He meets Eddie Diaz at school pickup one day, as Carrie and Christopher are in the same class. Buck and Eddie become fast friends, as do their kids, and Buck convinces Eddie to join the 118. This fic follows canon timelines from seasons 2-3, and shows Buck and Eddie's journey to becoming a family together.

Frostpunk AU (Buddie) - 16.6k written, probably like 1/4 done

The world is a desolate and frozen wasteland, with small clusters of humanity. Buck is a Scout from Sector 118, and he comes across a father and his young son, half frozen, on one of his scouting missions. Buck and his scouting team bring Eddie and Christopher back to Sector 118, where they heal and start their life as citizens of Sector 118, living in Buck's tent with him. Eddie reveals to Buck that he has a mission he needs to complete, one he knows will put him in immediate danger, and begs Buck to look after Christopher once he's gone. Buck refuses to let Eddie go alone and the two brave the elements to search for the missing parts of Eddie's life, their survival resting entirely on their ability to trust and work with one another.

Sleepy Mornings (Buddie) - 2.3k written (2/13 chapters complete)

A selection of small oneshots of all the times Buck and Eddie woke up next to each other, including after Dosed, after the Tsunami, after Eddie's shooting, after Eddie's breakdown, after their first kiss, etc. Cute and fluffy with minimal angst and lots of Buddie pining feels.

Doctor's AU (Buddie) - 2.4k written, fuck knows how close to finished

Eddie Diaz is an Obstetrician/Gynaecologist and Evan Buckley is a Pediatrician, both working at Cedars-Sinai hospital. They meet after Eddie comes to the NICU, upset after a rough c section, and continue to bump into one another at work. They build a fast relationship and have a reasonable amount of sex in ill advised parts of the hospital, whilst performing risky surgeries and saving lives. Also lots of pining (mostly from Eddie) and eventual Buddie relationship.

Ballet Au (Buddietommy) - 1.8k written, *shrugs* who knows.

Buck is a new principal ballerina at the New York City ballet, performing the Nutcracker. He meets Eddie and Tommy, both seasoned ballerinas, and they quickly take him under their wing. Buck didn't factor in falling in love with both men, and initially doesn't know how to act around them. However, when it's clear that they also both want Buck, they fall into an easy dynamic, and quickly become the power-throuple New York never saw coming (honestly this is still very much in the Vibes era)

Sauna Sex (Buddie) - 1,3k written, probably 1/4 done.

Buck and Eddie have sex in a sauna as a way to blow off steam, as it were. Porn without plot, there's really not much else to say other than hot, sweaty men fucking each other's brains out and probably being way too dehydrated.

Buddietommy Kid Fic (Buddietommy) - 4.1k written, probably 75% complete

Buck, Eddie and Tommy celebrate their first father's day with their kids. Just lots of Buddietommy family feels, big brother Christopher, and big men tiny babies. Not saying how many babies though. That would be cheating.

#james writes #911 abc #911 wips #911 fics #911 #911 fanfic #911verse

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azure-cherie · 2 years ago

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PAC : Messages from Aset

Hello loves , first of all a very big thank you to Aset for helping me in conveying through my divination, this reading contains general messages so take what resonates and leave the rest , i used tarot cards , intuition and runes for this reading , likes , reblogs and feedbacks are very very appreciated , thank you for letting me read you :)

Pile 1 -3

Pile 1:

My dear pile 1 , Aset wants to convey that she is proud that you have achieved a lot of abundance in your life but you are focused to earn more when in reality you should be happy in what you already have and you should also share with others what you have made since kindness is the greatest of virtues that will help you to achieve great heights, be cautious when you serve others , help them but don't help them to the point of exploitation , when you need ask for help and always help will be provided when you are in search of a financial need . You are someone who has come a long way without any support you have been worried and fought all the odds to come to this point and she is very proud of you for doing all this but remember that a small thing can destroy a lot of things so when in times of haste take time to sit down shut the world and reflect, I think you have a habit of getting to angry at the wrong people and this is going to create a problem in the wrong runs so you are advised to work on it and stay away from people at that time so that you don't end up in problems and learn to be more grateful about your surroundings and whatever has been provided to you or else it could go away you , you're going to enter a very abundant period in your life in terms of emotional needs You are going to create new horizons and new plans for yourself marriage business deals and child birth news can be heard for you your ancestors are rooting for you , I see symbolism of marigold flowers you can do some water magic or worship with water as an element that will help you in getting clarity about yourself .

Runes :

Berkanan

Beware of incorrect choices, take time to contemplate, some family functions maybe cancelled due to health issues take care of your health , you might experience stagnation , heal your relationship with your mother , get yourself a visit to the gynaecologist, you might experience some menstrual issues , watch your expenditure.

Hagalaz

Change has to occur , some things are destroyed so new things can be built, unexpected meetings and realisations, destruction now will end up making something good for the future keep hoping, you could have a breakup, moving houses , someone fake in your friend circle will be unmasked.

Pile 2 :

My dear pile 2 , she really wants you to take a stand for yourself , my dear file 2 you have been relying on the guidance of a person for too long and at this point you have almost become dependent on that person but she suggests you to go for a soul searching and finding what you really like to do because the end of the day you should grow old fulfilling your passions and desires , you are already abundant and blessed because of your family hierarchy and how rich have you been You should explore forest and small places for learning about life it feels as if you have grown old but your wisdom needs to be increased, You should pay attention to your hair as it holds wisdom and ancestor knowledge right now You may have dreams crazy dreams take notes of them somebody is trying to communicate to you , your future is in your hands You don't have much time there is a big change coming in for you with the onset of the new change . There could be an extra marital Affair that could change the course of your life beware and make sure you have enough resources to make out of it I see the symbolism of red and white candles you can use them and ask your guides so that they can provide you a clear part of what you can do ahead but they can only help you when you ask for help yourself . Take the stand for yourself to do whatever you are interested in.

Runes :

Dagaz

You're are in the path of self discovery and awakening, re evaluation, talk to your children or the children in your neighborhood, invest in family planning, keep hustling it will be worth it , evolution in relationship, take your medicines regularly.get an eye checkup .

Eiwaz

You could be entering or interested in shamanism , you're going through an awakening, you may think something has ended but it's yet to be fulfilled, you could work with chaos magick , there could be some delays but don't worry about it , it will work out , are some of you consuming weed , there's a union in the spiritual plane .

Pile 3 :

Dear pile 3 , Aset wants to convey that you should be looking after things you choose to nurture , maybe you brought a plant or a pet but you are not paying attention to it she wants you to take into account your responsibilities maybe it could be about the older members in the family, you will be going out on a trip soon and you should take care of yourself physically as well as spiritually I see the vision of an amulet that will be protecting you You should search signs for protection or make a sigil for yourself that will help you for sure , all that you have dreaming will come true, but remember to put efforts for it as nothing comes without trying you are blessed in every field , you will be meeting a new partner soon that will help you realise your potential remember to not sabotage the relationship because you are not healed, try to focus on making yourself stable and creating a balance that will be very essential for you ,work on your sacral chakra , don't dwell on the past the future is brighter than you can imagine , go somewhere near a pond and feel the healing energy, in the next 3 months we will be undergoing a lot of changes and a lot of things that you like but are not good for you will go away from you but remember to know that there is always something that serves in exchange of something that doesn't serve , if there's a group project coming your way then remember to include everyone and not take too much on yourself you are divinely protected.

Runes :

Ingwaz

protect your home , work on your masculine energy, make necessary sacrifices, new births , changes , expansion, process of manifestation, look after your well being and health, reorganization.

Dagaz (came up in pile 2 as well you can check it if you want )

That's all , thank you so much for reading i hope it resonates and helps you 🤍

#excuse any grammatical or spelling errors #pac reading #pac readings #pac #pick a card tarot #pick a picture #pick a photo #pick a pile #pick a card #pick a card reading #tarot card reading #tarot community

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harryistheonlyoneforme · 2 years ago

Note

No rush, but when do you think you’ll add part 4 here? Love ya xx

Ruin(4)*

warnings: fluff, smut, sex toy use, masturbation, oral(m receiving)

series masterlist

main masterist

harry styles masterlist

The first thing YN feels when she wakes up is the chill that has taken over her body, shivering slightly as she sits up. She rubs her hands up and down her body, just looking around her bedroom. In the midst of her confusion, she doesn't even notice that she's naked, not until she looks over at her bedside clock and notices that it's well past midnight.

Going to stand from her bed to stretch, she finally notices the lack of clothing on her body, confusion still evident on her face until realization dawns on her. A small gasp leaves her lips as she remembers what happened just a few hours before, and then she finally hears the sounds coming from her living room.

YN quickly throws on her robe and makes her way out into the hallway, seeing some light coming from the room just a few feet away. Realizing that it's just her TV, she heads in there to turn it off when she sees her gynaecologist sitting on her couch with her remote in his hand and a slice of pizza in the other. She gasps quite loudly, making his head whip over to her in shock.

"Holy shit, you scared me" Harry chuckles, clearing his throat before finishing his slice of pizza. He swallows the last bite and dusts his hands off, making his way to the beautiful woman just a few feet away. "I ordered some pizza. But I didn't know what kind you'd prefer so I just got cheese. I hope that's alright" he says, resting on the back of the couch. He chuckles quietly when he sees her nod, reaching over to grab her arm and pull her to his chest before he's wrapping his arms around her.

She's instantly melting into his embrace, the two of them basking in the warmth of each other. It's so domestic that Harry doesn't know what to do with himself, his heart hammering in his chest as he turns to the side and presses a gentle kiss to the top of her head before breathing in deeply and getting a whiff of her shampoo. His eyes close in contentment, and that's when it finally dawns on him that he's falling for this girl. His patient. He's spent weeks with her on his mind every second of the day, but he chucked it up to it being lust and his corrupted mind, but right now, her being in his arms just feels so right he never wants to leave.

Reluctantly, he pulls away to help her over to the couch so she can eat, asking if he can get her anything to drink. She chuckled and asks for a bottled water, a smile on her face as he scurries into the kitchen for her drink. She thanks him for her drink and digs in, the pizza still hot so she knows he got it recently. Doing some thinking, she realizes he got it from the pizza shop just a few blocks down that doesn't close until 3 am. YN can't even count the times she's been there after waking up with an empty stomach.

The first few bites of the pizza are pure heaven, her eyes rolling back as Harry chuckles at her reaction, watching in adoration as she enjoys the food. The two sit in comfortable silence, just watching the television in front of them until Harry decides to break the silence. "How did you sleep?" he asks nonchalantly, leaning back to rest into the couch. YN is mid bite when he asks, and she hurriedly finishes chewing before answering his question.

"I slept well, thank you for cleaning me up and tucking me in" she says sheepishly, turning her head to look at the attractive man beside her. He hums in recognition before pulling his phone from under his leg as he notices there's no more pizza.

"No problem, I'm glad you slept well. Are you still hungry? I was thinking about heading out to the diner down the street for a bite to eat. Would you like to come with?" he questions timidly, afraid of her answer.

A surprised chuckle leaves his lips as her face lights up and she hops up from the couch, agreeing. She goes to clean up the table, but Harry doesn't let her. "I've got it, go get dressed" he says softly, watching her nod and head down the hallway as she expresses her gratitude.

About ten minutes later, YN is walking down the hall wearing some shorts and a hoodie, and Harry knows he's already whipped when his cock hardens at the sight of her fully covered in a casual outfit. Shaking away his thoughts, he gives her a smile and grabs his keys and the two head out to his car to make their way to the diner.

Harry opens the door for her, and she thanks him before he's jogging around to his side and hopping in, making sure she's all set before driving off.

The car is relatively silent, aside from their gentle breathing and the sound of his fingers drumming against the steering wheel. He doesn't know what to say but he can't stand the silence, so he slips a disc in the player and soon enough, the sound of 'Go Your Own Way' by Fleetwood Mac fills the car quietly, and he hears a loud gasp from beside him. He cuts his eyes to the right to see YN with a large smile on her face and her eyes on him.

"You listen to Fleetwood Mac?" she asks excitedly, and Harry knows right then that he's going to ask her out tonight, maybe on the way back to her place. He hums and nods, loving the pure joy he can see radiating from her. Suddenly she's turning in the seat so her back is against the door and she can face him entirely.

"What's your favourite album?" she quizzes, needing to know if they're as similar as she thinks. He tells her his favourite is 'Rumors' and his smile is doubling in size, his dimples getting deeper as she gasps once more. "There's no way! I love that one too!" she gushes, relaxing back into the seat as they listen to the song, talking about the albums and individual songs, all the way until they arrive at the diner.

He kills the engine and hops out before making his way around to her side and opening the door, grabbing her hand and helping her out. Closing the door, the two head to the entrance of the diner he's never been to.

YN says hello to the older man that owns the diner, making her way to give him a hug.

"Haven't seen you around in a bit, Y/N/N. Who's curly?" he jokes, referring to Harry's hair.

The two of them chuckle before Harry's introducing himself to the man. The man introduces himself in return and tells them to sit down wherever they'd like. YN chooses a booth near the jukebox, already having plans for how the rest of the night should go. Before Harry sits down, he slips some coins into the jukebox to play some more Fleetwood Mac, loving the smile that lights up her gorgeous face.

Sliding in, Harry sits down across from her as he skims the menu, speaking up first. "He seems really nice. Do you come here a lot?" he questions curiously, glancing up at her before looking at the drink menu.

"Yeah. I've known Joe almost all my life. He was there for me when my dad died and really helped my mom out when it came to providing for me" she says, and Harry sees a look of hurt cross over her face at the mention of her father.

"I'm so sorry to hear that" Harry sympathizes, unknowing of how to console her, so he reaches over to her hand that's resting on the table and takes it in his before rubbing his thumb over it gently. She gives him a small smile, but doesn't pull away, still running her eyes over the menu.

Clearing her throat, she speaks up first. "Harry, we should get milkshakes!" she says excitedly, the atmosphere between them instantly changing back as if their conversation hadn't happened just a few seconds prior.

Nodding, Harry looks at the expansive list of flavours before deciding on a cookie dough milkshake with no cherry. YN throws a fit when he says that, but eventually gets over it as she orders her burger and milkshake, Harry ordering a grilled chicken sandwich with his. The two chat until their food gets to the table, thanking Joe happily.

They talk throughout the whole meal, from college to their childhoods. In the silent diner, their soft chatter and laughter fill the space, and neither of them see Joe with a bright smile on his face, loving to see YN truly happy. When they're almost finished, Harry finally builds the courage to ask something that's been on his mind all day.

"Will you go on a date with me?" he blurts out, and his heart is in overdrive as he sees the frown on her face, but it's instantly swelling when she speaks up.

"Was this not a date already?" she asks nonchalantly, taking another drink of her thick milkshake. His heart stutters in his chest at her words and his breath gets caught in his throat.

"Do you want it to be?" he questions, stunned at her words. She just hums and nods, going back to playing the game on her phone as Harry sits there completely elated, a huge smile on his face. Throughout the rest of their time together, he's unable to keep his eyes off her and the smile has not left his face once. The two thank Joe and YN hugs him before the two head back out to his car.

Pulling back into her apartment complex, Harry jumps out the car and opens her door as she steps out and walks her to the entrance of her home, neither of them wanting the night to end.

They walk so slowly, anything to prolong the night, until they get to her front door. YN unlocks the door and takes a deep breath before turning to him. "Would you like to stay over?" she asks timidly, and that's when Harry can't take it anymore, leaning down to press his lips to hers.

YN is shocked for only a moment before she's deepening the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck.

They pull away breathlessly, smiles on both their faces. "I'd love to" he pants, entering her home once more.

Since Harry had no clothes comfortable enough for him to sleep in, he decided to sleep in just his boxers, per YN's request. She didn't want him to have to go all the way home just for a change of clothes, so she suggested for him to just take off his jeans and his shirt. He obliged, folding his clothes neatly and placing them atop a chair she'd had in her bedroom. When he goes to ask for blankets and a pillow to sleep on the couch, though, she brushes it off and just tells him to hop in her bed.

He's a bit nervous to say the least, climbing into her bed and lying down in the part furthest from her. YN isn't having that, so she tells him it's okay to scoot in, happy to have a cuddle buddy instead of her pillow.

Reluctantly, Harry slides closer to her, spooning her from behind as he finally relaxes, the both of them happy to be so close to one another. Harry and YN fall asleep with small smiles on their faces, perfectly content.

The next morning, Harry wakes up to warmth and the feeling of little bits of pressure all over his face, making him groan and start to slowly open his eyes. Upon opening them, he's shocked to see YN above him, pressing small kisses all over his face. A smile adorns his face at the gorgeous woman above him, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her on top of him, pressing his lips to hers passionately. Pulling away, YN breaks the silence.

"Do you want some breakfast? I was thinking about ordering some in if you'd like to stay" she explains, lifting her head slightly to look at his face.

"Of course. What are you trying to order?" he asks, still not letting go of her. She tells him and he thinks of what they have, deciding on his meal.

They order the food and once it arrives, they dig in and enjoy, watching TV and talking as they do. When they're done, YN goes to walk to the window beside the couch and notices a bag sitting there, one that she definitely did not leave there. Curiosity fills her as she heads over and picks it up but doesn't open it, instead walking over to Harry and telling him that he left a bag over there. She watches in confusion as his face lights up.

"That's actually something for you! You know when you rub the little button down there and you get that funny feeling deep in your tummy?" he questions, watching her nod. "Well all the things in that bag help you get that feeling without having to use your hand! Would you like to try them?" he asks, chuckling as she nods eagerly before leaning down and taking him into her arms, thanking him. "No problem, love. Let's head up to your room, hm?" he says, leaning backwards and placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

She nods eagerly, practically skipping to her bedroom with the bag in her hand, Harry giggling at her excitement. He enters the bedroom to see her sitting on the edge of the bed fully clothed, so he tells her that it's probably best to undress if she's comfortable. That makes her nod eagerly before she's standing up and stripping right there in front of Harry.

While she gets comfortable on the bed once more, Harry comes up with a plan. He sets the bag down and grabs her full length mirror from beside her bedroom door, moving it to where it is opposite her bed. Walking back over, he tells her that he's going to go wash the toys off in her bathroom. Arriving back in her room, he gives her a small smile as he walks to the bed, placing another kiss onto her lips and climbing on.

"Do you think you could show me how you touch yourself down there? Maybe show me what you like?" he asks softly, careful not to offend her or scare her. She nods gently at his words before simply leaning back and spreading her legs, a small moan leaving Harry's lips once he sees her cunt glistening in the lighting of her bedroom.

"Yeah, that's fine. I've been really wet down there ever since you told me you have things that will make me feel good" she says as if her words hold no weight, wasting no time and using her dominant hand to play with her folds a bit. "It feels nice when I do this and then play with my button. It's like I get wetter" she shrugs.

"Oh? How much wetter?" he questions, his cock hardening in his boxers. He takes the pause in her speech to gently free his cock, hissing in relief once the pressure is lessened.

"It's like I'm dripping down there. Is that normal?" she asks softly, hoping there's nothing wrong with her but still swiping a finger through her sodden folds. The contrast of her sweet voice and lewd actions have Harry moaning out loud, rubbing his thumb over the head of his leaking cock. "What are you doing?" she asks, confused.

"Yes, baby. It's normal" he pants, still circling the sensitive head. "And what I'm doing is like what you're doing. It's the same thing, I just have to do it a little differently. It's just like when you rub your button. If I do it long enough, I get a funny feeling in my tummy too" he says breathlessly, starting to spread his precum around his shaft so he can stroke it comfortably.

"Oh, okay. Well if you show me how, do you think I could help you get that feeling like when you help me?" she questions timidly, and Harry has to hold the base of his cock to keep himself from cumming at her words, his cock twitching wildly.

"Fuck" he moans. "Sure, baby. We can try it later. Right now, though, I need you to show me how you get that feeling in your tummy. Can you do that for me, honey?" he questions, trying his hardest to stave off his impending orgasm. She nods and gets right back to the task at hand, using her accumulated wetness to rub around the sensitive head of her clit. A loud whine leaves her lips at the feeling, her head lulling to the side as she works on the sensitive nub.

"Oh, Harry this feels so good" she moans, planting her feet flat on the bed to get a better angle to stimulate herself.

It takes everything in Harry not to storm over to her and get a taste of her, to climb between his legs and bury his face in her warmth. No, he has to keep his composure, make sure he sees what she likes best for when he gets the toys. Unsurprisingly, it only takes her about five minutes before she's nearing her peak, her legs starting to shake and her cries intensifying. She rubs her clit around two more times before she's cumming with a shout of his name, a groan leaving his lips as well as he gets onto his knees and makes his way to her.

Harry slides behind her on the bed as she's still catching her breath, the cleaned toys in his hand.

"Are you ready to use one of these, Lovie?" he coos, rubbing up and down her arm as she relaxes into him.

She nods and slides back a bit so she's more comfortable, turning her head to purse her lips, wanting a kiss from Harry. He chuckles at her adorable face, pressing a kiss to her awaiting lips, groaning in shock when she deepens it and reaches behind her, palming his sensitive cock. "I want you to help me out, baby. I really do, but right now we're focusing on you.

Will you let me take care of you for a bit?" he coos, brushing some hair from her slightly sweaty forehead as she pouts gently but nods. "Good girl" he praises, smiling widely as she whimpers quietly and closes her still spread legs.

"Did you like that?" he asks softly, watching her avoid his face as she nods. "Well, that's alright. I'm glad you like it, you're my good girl. You know that, right?" he questions, making her nod feverishly. "I know you do. Let's get to the toys now, hm?" he requests and she nods once more.

"Okay, we're going to start with this small bullet. It's gonna vibrate on your little button and make you feel so good, I promise" he tells her, watching as she spreads her legs in anticipation of the small pink object in his hand.

He says nothing more, swirling it to the lowest setting before using his free hand to hold back her thigh for better access. The second she feels the toy on her clit, she's moaning quietly, trying to get an idea of this new feeling. "How does it feel?" Harry asks, rubbing his thumb on her thigh.

"It feels nice, but kind of like I need more" she responds, and Harry smirks, turning up the bullet a couple settings, his cock twitching at the loud moan she lets out.

"Is that better, baby? Does that feel good on your button?" he coos, looking up into the mirror to see her nodding with her eyes squeezed shut, both hands gripping the duvet underneath her tightly. He can see her bottom lip tucked between her teeth and he wants nothing more than to be the one biting it for her. "I bet. Are you starting to feel the burning in your tummy again?" he questions, pressing it onto her clit harder.

"Uh huh" she whines, her legs shaking. "I'm close to that big feeling"

He chuckles at her innocence, deciding to finally tell her what the feeling is. "Well, honey. That feeling you've been getting? It's called an orgasm. When you feel it, let me know, but saying orgasm is too formal so just say 'I'm gonna cum'. Is that okay?" he questions and she's nodding once more, her moans coming more frequently.

"Harry, I'm gonna cum" she whines, bucking her hips upward to lean into the stimulation of the bullet. Harry chuckles before giving her the okay.

"Okay, honey. Cum for me. Let it all out, baby" he coos, and her legs are instantly locking up as her orgasm takes over, a deep groan leaving her lips.

He leaves it there until she whines from overstimulation, and Harry moves the bullet away from her twitching cunt. Her chest is heaving as she comes down and Harry is rubbing up and down her thigh and cooing into her ear, making sure she knows she's safe with him.

When she finally comes down, he breaks the silence, clearing his throat to get her attention. He finds her eyes before asking her the question.

"Do you think you could take another orgasm with the other toy or should we leave that for another day?" he questions, nodding in understanding when YN shakes her head softly. He's prepared to clean her up and get her to bed, but she's stopping him from leaving the bed.

"No, I'm ready to help you out the way you help me" she says, and Harry literally moans out loud at her words, nodding and relaxing into the bed.

"Okay, honey. We can do that. Do you have any idea of what to do?" he whispers, and she thinks for a moment before nodding her head.

"I just do what you were doing, right? Moving my hand up and down?" she inquires, and his heart is filling with pride at how observant his sweet girl is.

"That's right, honey. You're so observant, such a good girl for me" he coos, and she nods, melting into him before she's climbing up onto her knees and turning to him before sitting on her heels.

"The only thing you missed is that you have to get it wet so it's not uncomfortable" he tells her, reaching down to pull his hard cock out once more.

"Could I use my mouth?" she questions, chuckling as Harry nods eagerly at her words. YN wastes no more time before she's leaning down to lick on his cock like a lollipop, a whimper leaving his lips at the feeling. She keeps doing so until she's satisfied, sitting up to take is cock in her palm. "Should I go fast or slow?" she inquires, and Harry tells her to go at a speed somewhere in the middle. She does so, looking up to him for approval. "Like this?"

"Fuck. Yes, honey. Just like that" he moans, bucking his hips as his orgasm is already nearing, the events of the last hour catching up to him. He takes one look at her concentrated face and whimpers, calling her name to get her attention.

"Can you kiss me please? Need to feel your lips" he whines, and she's instantly obliging, leaning up to press their lips together, Harry deepening it and biting down onto her lip gently. She moans into his mouth at the feeling and he groans, pulling away to throw his head back at the feeling of her hand.

"Shit, YN. I'm gonna cum" he warns. "Just a little faster" he demands, his balls drawing up beneath her fist. "Just like that, fuck" he says, cum starting to shoot from the head of his cock before he's going completely still and letting rope after rope of cum leave his sensitive cock. YN just watches in amazement as the thick, creamy substance lands all over her fist and his stomach.

The second he's gently pushing her hand away, she can't resist, sticking her tongue out to taste the liquid. She hums at the taste, liking it but not going in for a second lick.

Harry is still panting as she does so, and he watches her reach for her shirt that's beside the bed, cleaning up her sticky thighs before her hand, and eventually his cock and his stomach, gentle so she doesn't hurt him. He feels guilty for her having to clean them up, but his orgasm truly took everything out of him and he can only watch as she throws it across the room to her laundry hamper before she's pulling the duvet over the both of them, climbing into his open arms.

He reaches over and turns off the bedside lamp, neither of them having the energy to get up and turn off the main lights. His arms are wrapped around her as her head lie on his chest, the only sounds in the bedroom being their slightly harsh breathing as they start to succumb to their exhaustion.

"Could I ask you something, YN?" Harry speaks up, breaking the silence. She responds with a hum of acknowledgment, his cue to continue.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" he asks nervously, still holding her body tight against his, her breathing evening out.

"Of course, could never say no to that" she responds, dozing off immediately after. Harry presses a loving kiss on her head before nodding off as well, a dimpled smile on his face.

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