#911 wips

[honestlydarkprincess]

Tease Tidbit Tuesday!

tagged by the lovely @daffi-990, @wikiangela

instead of working on my existing wips i started a new one last night, so get ready for another drunk buck fic! hehe!

Buck stumbled forward suddenly, moving into Eddie’s space and Eddie had to grab him around his waist to keep him steady. Eddie’s heart felt like it was beating out of control. He was very aware that Natalia was watching them, an expression on her face that he couldn’t really decipher and didn’t spend too long trying. Buck was in his space, warm and alive and he was touching Eddie, his breath fanning across Eddie’s cheek. “Eddie,” Buck whined, pressing closer. “I wanna go home.”

“We are, sweetheart. Don’t worry,” Eddie soothed, the pet name slipping out unbidden. Shit. He was fucking it all up. Here he was, with his hands all over Buck and calling him pet names right in front of Buck’s girlfriend! God, he was a dick.

Clearing his throat, Eddie pushed Buck away as gently as he could, studiously ignoring the wounded sound Buck made. “Um, okay, let’s go. Uh, Natalia, do you want a ride?” He offered, trying to make it up to her. Like sorry I’m in love with your boyfriend, can I give you a ride home?

tagging: @bigfootsmom, @maygrantgf, @lovebuck, @princessfbi, @loserdiaz, @monsterrae1, @giddyupbuck, @father-salmon, @underwater-ninja-13, @devirnis, @spotsandsocks, @eddiebabygirldiaz, @hoodie-buck, @excuseme-greentea, @hippolotamus, @homerforsure, @spagheddiediaz, @sunshinediaz, @jeeyuns, @eddiiediaz, @eddie---diaz, @watchyourbuck, @exhuastedpigeon, @fortheloveofbuddie, @disasterbuckdiaz, @heartshapedvows, @theotherbuckley, @lover-of-mine, and @barbiediaz

[diazsdimples]

I Need Inspiration Saturday

The semester is finally (almost) over, and once I've handed in my last 4 assignments (that are all due on Monday and I think I might cry) I'll finally be sinking my teeth into some of my wips again. Only problem is, it's been so long since I properly looked at any of them that I have no clue which one to work on. So, I'm gonna put little outlines/ blurbs of all my wips, and then a poll and y'all can tell me which one sounds like something you'd want to see more of. Yells seem to fuel me so this is the best way to get me going I feel. So, here are the wips!

Single Dad's AU (Buddie) - 19.3k written, probably 1/6th done (ish)

Buck is a single father to 2 girls, Carrie (7) and Lily (5), and is a probationary firefighter at the 118. He meets Eddie Diaz at school pickup one day, as Carrie and Christopher are in the same class. Buck and Eddie become fast friends, as do their kids, and Buck convinces Eddie to join the 118. This fic follows canon timelines from seasons 2-3, and shows Buck and Eddie's journey to becoming a family together.

Frostpunk AU (Buddie) - 16.6k written, probably like 1/4 done

The world is a desolate and frozen wasteland, with small clusters of humanity. Buck is a Scout from Sector 118, and he comes across a father and his young son, half frozen, on one of his scouting missions. Buck and his scouting team bring Eddie and Christopher back to Sector 118, where they heal and start their life as citizens of Sector 118, living in Buck's tent with him. Eddie reveals to Buck that he has a mission he needs to complete, one he knows will put him in immediate danger, and begs Buck to look after Christopher once he's gone. Buck refuses to let Eddie go alone and the two brave the elements to search for the missing parts of Eddie's life, their survival resting entirely on their ability to trust and work with one another.

Sleepy Mornings (Buddie) - 2.3k written (2/13 chapters complete)

A selection of small oneshots of all the times Buck and Eddie woke up next to each other, including after Dosed, after the Tsunami, after Eddie's shooting, after Eddie's breakdown, after their first kiss, etc. Cute and fluffy with minimal angst and lots of Buddie pining feels.

Doctor's AU (Buddie) - 2.4k written, fuck knows how close to finished

Eddie Diaz is an Obstetrician/Gynaecologist and Evan Buckley is a Pediatrician, both working at Cedars-Sinai hospital. They meet after Eddie comes to the NICU, upset after a rough c section, and continue to bump into one another at work. They build a fast relationship and have a reasonable amount of sex in ill advised parts of the hospital, whilst performing risky surgeries and saving lives. Also lots of pining (mostly from Eddie) and eventual Buddie relationship.

Ballet Au (Buddietommy) - 1.8k written, *shrugs* who knows.

Buck is a new principal ballerina at the New York City ballet, performing the Nutcracker. He meets Eddie and Tommy, both seasoned ballerinas, and they quickly take him under their wing. Buck didn't factor in falling in love with both men, and initially doesn't know how to act around them. However, when it's clear that they also both want Buck, they fall into an easy dynamic, and quickly become the power-throuple New York never saw coming (honestly this is still very much in the Vibes era)

Sauna Sex (Buddie) - 1,3k written, probably 1/4 done.

Buck and Eddie have sex in a sauna as a way to blow off steam, as it were. Porn without plot, there's really not much else to say other than hot, sweaty men fucking each other's brains out and probably being way too dehydrated.

Buddietommy Kid Fic (Buddietommy) - 4.1k written, probably 75% complete

Buck, Eddie and Tommy celebrate their first father's day with their kids. Just lots of Buddietommy family feels, big brother Christopher, and big men tiny babies. Not saying how many babies though. That would be cheating.

[lonelychicago]

tagged by the lovelies @spotsandsocks @giddyupbuck @monsterrae1 @hoodie-buck @thewolvesof1998 @heartshapedvows @forthewolves @daffi-990 @disasterbuckdiaz @wikiangela🩷

i was going to post this fic today but decided to wait a little longer, so have a snippet instead!!

"Listen, Eddie?" He asks as he closes the ambulance door behind him. The patient is unconscious but stable.

"I'm right here, Buck."

"If anything happens to me—"

"You're gonna be fine." Eddie says on the other side of the line, and despite having never met the man face to face, Buck wishes he could be right here next to him. "I'm very good at my job, I'll guide you through it, okay?"

"Still. I just need to say this and the clock is ticking so just— Just listen, okay?"

There's a beat of silence and then—

"Okay." Eddie sighs, his voice sounding small and reluctant.

"If anything happens to me, there's an envelope in the bottom drawer in my room with all the paperwork and my sister's contact information. If I die, she needs to take care of Phoebe." Buck swallows thickly, "If no one can reach her, Bobby Nash is the next emergency contact, you hear me? He's my Captain and I haven't had the chance to tell him any of this so, uh, make sure he accepts? Make sure Phoebe will be taken care of, can you promise me that?"

“I also have some money saved, it’s with the rest of the paperwork. It’s enough to buy Phoebe that mini Barbie Castle she asked for Chtistmas, okay? I promised her Santa would get her that this year and I don’t want her to be disappointed.” Buck adds quickly, a million other things fighting to come out of his mouth.

“I also have a bank account just for her for when she turns eighteen. That money is just for her to do as she pleases— go to college, travel the world, buy a beach house. To find herself. Whatever the fuck she wants, make sure whoever takes care of her knows that, okay? Promise me.”

The words strangle Buck as they crash into the sudden knot in his throat, his eyes burning once again as tears spring up before he can swallow them back. He clenches his jaw to keep them from spilling and shakes his head.

tagging (no pressure): @buddierights @eowon @exhuastedpigeon @hippolotamus @rainbow-nerdss @the-likesofus @spaceprincessem @eddiebabygirldiaz @maygrantgf @honestlydarkprincess @bigfootsmom @rogerzsteven @prettyboybuckley @911-on-abc @jesuisici33 @911onabc @housewifebuck @weewootruck @ladydorian05 @mangacat201 @devirnis @dijkstraspath @athenagranted @callaplums @wildlife4life @barbiediaz @steadfastsaturnsrings and anyone else who wants to do it <33

[lookforanewangle]

Seven Sentence Sunday Monday

Tagged by @inell ; coming in late with some daemon au! All gen for now with lots of Buck and Chris content <3 (buddie and madney will happen later ;)

This is double the amount of requested lines, but I am simply Too Excited about this au. Starting with tsunami shenanigans!

"Touch involves a lot of feelings being transferred from daemon to person. That’s why it always has to be with someone you trust.” “Like me and daddy.” “Exactly like you and daddy, because you trust each other." “I think I’ve felt his feelings before,” Chris says, fidgeting with Mina’s paws, “after mom left. I don’t think Gabi meant to touch me. He was really angry…but he was also sad and scared. But after the earthquake he was so happy, and…and…relieved, when he found me.” “I remember that one,” Buck says with a grin, brushing Chris’s hair back from his forehead. Bailey presses her muzzle into Buck’s own curls from above. “He wanted nothing more than to get back to you then, and I’m sure he’s just as anxious to get back to you now. We just have to wait for him or another firefighter to come rescue us, and then we can get you two home. I don’t think this is what your dad had in mind when he wanted me to take you out today.” Chris giggles, despite everything, leaning further into his side.

Not tagging anyone as the day has passed, but take this as an excuse to share your wip! 👀

[wikiangela]

Temptation Tuesday

tagged by @panbuckley and @prince-buck-diaz 💖💖

rn I'm focusing solely on the holiday fic and the 6x17 smut (I'm so close to finishing both fr) but here's some ideas still tempting me haha

brand new idea about buddie first date including some kind of a medical emergency where they have to save someone's life - lowkey inspired by my buddie sims (yes I made them in the sims bc I'm insane) that went on a date and had someone die in the restaurant and couldn't leave so I had to postpone their wedding lmao

eddie still dating in s6, but he just casually drops a "he" when referring to his date and buck's brain short-circuits bc since when eddie is into men and how didn't he know - idk what this is gonna turn into, it's just something I've written down in my notes lol

the death cast au I already mentioned

the cheating fic

the chris's teacher assumes buck and eddie are married fic I mentioned last time

the alive shannon fic that I'm gonna start soon

No pressure tags: @silentxxsoul @jamietarts @elvensorceress @mrevanbuckley @honestlydarkprincess @translasso @alyxmastershipper @911onabc @shortsighted-owl

[eddiebabygirldiaz]

Temptation Tuesday

Thank you @honestlydarkprincess for the tag, I love this idea so much!

Also tagged by @fatedbuddie and @rogerzsteven 💖

Rules: share something about an idea you have/something that's speaking to you/an au you'd like to see and are considering writing/etc. etc. Basically anything that is tempting you away from your current wips!

On my mind right now is:

A smutty follow-up to the poetry fic I wrote, where Eddie and Buck engage in some graphoerotica (Eddie writes his poetry on Buck's skin and then fucks him)

A fic where Eddie and Buck (still firefighters but at different stations) are both widowers, Eddie has Chris and Buck has a daughter, and they meet in a support group and ofc fall in love

A fic where Eddie and Buck are in an established relationship and have moved to a new house (maybe expanding their family?) and can't agree on what to paint some of the rooms which ends in a paint fight and paint sex

Tagging some beloveds who might be interested (feel free to ignore if not 💖)

@elvensorceress @spaceprincessem @hippolotamus @shortsighted-owl @swiftiediaz @swiftiebuckleys @gayedmundodiaz @cowboy-buddie @usercowboy @singlethread @comaboybuck @buddiearemydads @souschefdiaz @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @prettyboybuckley @buddierights @monsterrae1 @jobairdxx @ebdaydreamer @buckleysbee

[calyssmarviss]

now this one i never posted before

[loucifersbitch]

Hi I think I remember you were working a wip that had some jealous buck and there was also a burning house I believe ? Was it you ? I was checking my wips list that I check every few months to see which wips are out in case I forgotten about them

Hey anon!

Yes, that was me! I haven't been doing much writing over the last few months, so all of my wips are currently sitting in a folder and waiting for me to get back to them. I hope that will happen someday soon 😂

[fallen-lucifiel]

[bobbysfirehose]

some WIPs from twitter i figured i’d share (i don’t really like posting my WIPs here but i figured i’d make an exception for this one)

used this post as reference

i will likely only finish one of these drawings, there’s currently a poll on twitter for which one i should finish…

(this is definitely the most explicitly i’ve ever drawn ‘packages’ and i have to admit… it was fun)

[buffaluff]

i am free

🩷💜💙

[honestlydarkprincess]

Tease Tidbit Tuesday!

tagged by @eddiebabygirldiaz, @shyaudacity !!

By the time he got back to their lockers, Eddie was leaning against them with something in his arms, looking thoughtfully at the ground.

“What’s up?” Buck asked, curious as to what was on his mind.

Eddie looked up, smiling softy at him. “Nothing, nothing. I just thought you might like this,” He said, extending his arm towards Buck.

Buck looked down at what Eddie was giving him and warmed from the inside out when he realized it was a hoodie. Not just any hoodie— it was Eddie’s favourite LAFD hoodie.

“Thank you,” Buck said softly, affection flooding through his veins for this man. “You don’t have to let me borrow it. I’ll probably spill on this one too if today continues how it has.”

Eddie shrugged. “Then I throw it in the wash.”

Buck fiddled with the fabric in his hands, his eyes stinging with tears. He didn’t want to cry but after the shitty day he’d had and the kindness and thoughtfulness his best friend was showing, well he was feeling a little emotional. “Thanks, Eds. This means a lot.”

Eddie flushed. “It’s just a hoodie,” He murmured, looking shy.

“It’s not and you know it,” Buck replied, tugging on the hoodie and feeling himself become encased in warmth. Eddie’s warmth.

tagging: @bigfootsmom, @lonelychicago, @monsterrae1, @watchyourbuck, @dorkydiaz

@mistmarauder, @theyarnmaidstale, @princessfbi, @father-salmon, @underwaterninja13

@beyourownanchor6, @loveyouanyway, @wikiangela, @daffi-990, @inell

@mustachediaz, @roy-kents, @spotsandsocks, @swiftietartt, @holdmygum

@eddiediaaz, @bekkachaos, @diazheartsbuckley, @theotherbuckley, @eddiesbegins

[flamingtoads]

Playing it cool~

[lonelychicago]

tell me about your exes to lovers ideas? 👀

i kissed you goodbye by accident - old habits die hard okay?!?! i was thinking this for buddie. they decided to stay friends after breaking up and they have chris and they still work together, so its not like they had a choice. and then one day, after buck drops chris off like they're a divorced couple sharing custody, eddie asks him to stay for a couple of beers??? and when buck leaves he accidentally kisses eddie oop🫣

i know you can’t cook for shit so i’ve been bringing you dinner every night, just, y’know, to keep you alive. OKAY BUT HEAR ME OUT. this with buddie where buck is a chef and owns a restaurant and every night after he closes he drives by eddie's to leave the most delicious of meals(????

are you?? sabotaging?? my dates?!?!? i just feel this would be so funny lmao. like maybe they broke up and buck hears from hen that eddie is going on this date and he cant help but to sabotage it??? it could also work the other way around bc petty eddie is so hilarious idk.

i fell in love with you while i was undercover and i know you’re mad at me for lying but i have to go back to my old life (and i want you to be in it) (i think i promised this to @hoodie-buck years ago oop)

i might get hate for this one but its a bucktommy idea qhere they broke up bc eddie confessed his feelings for buck and then the idiots realize maybe they work better off as friends and buck realizes he made a mistake but its too late bc he already broke tommys heart (its not too late, tommy is still very much pathetically in love with him as well)

we bumped into each other in the street and you were grinning like a cocky asshole the whole time so i stalked off only to realise i’m wearing your shirt  and this one also for bucktommy bc i feel it would be so funny tbh sjhshs

[wikiangela]

Temptation Tuesday

game created by @honestlydarkprincess ❤️

tagged by @buddiearemydads ❤️❤️

So there's not a lot of new stuff going on, I just finished the whatta man fic (posting tonight!), but here's some other things I've been thinking about:

buddie secret relationship - a brand new idea bc I saw this post and now I so wanna write them getting together after that 'you wanna go for the title' line and then keeping it a secret for years (with a dash of possessive eddie bc I just read chapter 4 of @usercowboy's straight!eddie fic - the best thing ever, everyone go read it pls - and omg I forgot how much I love possessive eddie lmao)

this is what I just found in a doc from like 3 weeks ago that I don't remember writing, but I really wanna write it now: Buck and Chris want a dog - Buck’s trying to persuade Eddie at work (saying that he and Chris will take care of it etc) and everyone’s like: you don’t even live together? And they’re not even dating or anything - but it’ll lead to them getting together

I want to get back to what I call 'the coffee buddie fic' which is a 4+1 where Eddie asks Buck out for coffee, definitely not meaning coffee, but Buck doesn't get it (I have 2/4 written and got stuck but I'll get to it if it's the last thing I do lmao)

the 5+1 nickname fic I've been writing since 'go get 'em cowboy' but something's not working and I need to rewrite what I have

also the 'alive Shannon fic' (it's still gonna be 90% buddie) I mentioned here is constantly growing in my mind and I can't wait to finally get to it when I'm done with the holiday fic haha

Tagging ppl I did for seven sentence sunday bc I don't wanna overthink and not tag anyone lol, but please feel free to ignore haha: @silentxxsoul @diazass @elvensorceress @rose-buddie @mrevanbuckley @honestlydarkprincess @shortsighted-owl and whoever else wants to do it hah

[burnthatbridge]

if you love him let him go (if you love him let him know) 

pre-buddie, bucktommy | T | 3k | angst, pining tommy needs to tell eddie something not on ao3 atm because i can't figure out if this is done or if i'm continuing it - please let me know your thoughts! now on ao3 because i hate not having all my fic in one place

“Can I get you another beer, man?”

Eddie checks his watch. It’s only a little after nine thirty. He’s kind of hoping to get home before Chris goes to sleep, but he’ll not be heading to bed any time soon, will likely stay up later than Eddie. Friday night means he disregards his supposed bedtime — not that he sticks to it that well on school nights, now he’s sixteen. “Sure, thanks.”

Tommy nods, disappears into the kitchen, returns a moment later with a can of IPA in one hand, a bottle of lager in the other. They’ve already finished the six-pack Eddie brought over, but trust Buck — well, Buck and Tommy — to have Eddie’s favorite beer in their fridge. Tommy hands over the can, already cracked open, and Eddie takes a sip as Tommy settles down at the opposite end of the couch. He doesn’t turn to face the TV, sits twisted towards Eddie instead, but he does pick up the remote and turn down the volume, the post-fight commentary rendered nearly unintelligible. 

“I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Eddie twists towards Tommy himself, something not-quite-anxious-but-almost flaring in his chest. Over the years they have been friends, he and Tommy have spoken about lots of things, including those not so easy to discuss: their respective experiences in the army, Tommy’s tough childhood, Eddie’s difficult parents, the hard aspects of the job. But they’ve all been topics that have come up naturally, raised organically. Tommy has never led into anything with such a pointed opener before.

Eddie studies him. He has one knee pulled up on the couch cushion, foot poking out off the end, the other foot planted on the floor, nearly parallel to the base of the couch. One arm is up on the backrest, the other relaxed, beer bottle in that hand, resting on his thigh, dripping condensation painting a charcoal ring on his — probably Buck’s, in fact, given how tight the fabric is stretched over the muscle of his leg — grey sweats. He’s not tense, but he’s not smiling, and there’s something about his expression that Eddie can’t place. It’s not that he hasn’t seen this look before, because he’s pretty sure he has, witnessed it in flickers across numerous occasions over the years, there and then gone, present for but a heartbeat. But he’d never known what it meant any of those times and he certainly doesn’t now.

“'Course,” Eddie says, when Tommy doesn’t go on, seems to be waiting for some kind of sign. Then adds, feeling like it’s necessary given the gravity he can feel pulling this lightsome evening down to something more serious.  “Anything.”

Tommy sighs, bites his lip like he doesn’t want to speak, even though he’s the one who said he wanted to talk, then shakes his head and takes a pull of his beer.

“Is everything okay?” Eddie’s starting to feel worried now. He mentally scans back over the past few weeks, trying to remember if Tommy has mentioned anything about work that could be a problem. He saw him at basketball last week, and nothing had seemed off. Plus, Buck hasn’t said anything. Not that he’d necessarily tell Eddie about an issue Tommy was having, not if Tommy wanted it kept private, but Eddie can usually tell when Buck’s concerned about someone, and he hasn’t picked up on anything, not at all. 

But maybe this isn’t about a problem Tommy is having. Maybe this is a Buck problem, something Buck has kept from Eddie. It would make sense why Tommy would bring it up with him; sometimes a concerted, multi-person effort is the only way to get through to Buck. And Tommy’s more likely to bring in Eddie first, and then expand the team to include Maddie, Chim, more, as needed. 

“Is Buck okay?” Eddie asks, something like panic constricting his throat, making the words come out a little strangled. 

Tommy actually laughs at that, a small, choked thing, an exhale of sound and air. He shakes his head again, but not a no. More like an extension of the laugh, a motion to accompany it, to better convey the disbelief — not humor — contained in it. “He’s fine.”

It’s a relief to hear. Buck had seemed physically okay, when Eddie had seen him briefly before he left the house, since he’d maybe purposefully waited to order his Uber until Buck pulled up in his jeep outside, despite Christopher’s insistence he didn’t need to wait for Buck to arrive, despite the fact that his kid is more than old enough to be left in the house alone for the twenty minutes it would have taken Buck to drive over, while Eddie was ferried the opposite way. But there could still have been something, Buck could have been fighting through pain, much better at hiding any hurt of his body than he is at masking his emotional distress. 

“But,” Tommy says, and that one word is enough to have Eddie’s muscles tightening once more, “It is Evan I wanted to talk about.”

Again, Tommy doesn’t follow it up with anything. Eddie has found, in their time as friends, that Tommy is not often a man lost for words. Quite the opposite, in fact. He usually says what he means, means what he says, and is an expert at listening and delivering sage advice. This reticence– it doesn’t feel like it bodes well, has the hair on the back of Eddie’s neck prickling.

“Alright,” Eddie says, a feeble prompt. “So, Buck?”

Tommy nods, like he’s gearing himself up for something, to face a challenge, to take a punch. Eddie is expecting something bad, so the words he says catch him even more off guard than they would have. “I want to ask Evan to marry me.”

Maybe if Tommy had seemed eager, excited, when he turned to him, Eddie could have anticipated the blow, could have felt a creeping suspicion this is where Tommy was headed, could have been provided with enough of a heads-up to brace himself. As it is, he doesn’t see the hit coming, takes it full force to the chest, so hard it steals his breath, knocks the wind from him. His mouth goes slack, and he feels his fingers slide against the slippery sides of his beer can, almost spills it over Tommy and Buck’s lounge carpet before he gets a hold on it, on himself. He forces himself to smile. “That’s– that’s great,” he makes himself say, only faintly aware that Tommy isn’t smiling back, like this moment should call for. “Did you–” he swallows around the bile climbing his esophagus, “Do you want help planning the proposal?” He wishes he could take the words back the second they’re out. Because this — just hearing that Tommy wants to ask Buck — is torture enough. To be involved with it, to help enable it, Eddie will be lucky if it doesn’t kill him. Maybe not his body, but certainly his soul. 

“No.” Tommy shakes his head. “No, I want to ask him to marry me. But I’m not going to. At least, not now.”

Eddie squints at him. The news that Tommy wants to marry Buck might hurt Eddie, but it’s not exactly surprising. Eddie’s seen how much Tommy cares for him in the years they’ve been together, has seen the way he looks at him, the way they look at each other. Has felt the way it burns him, the scorching heat of flame, the searing cold of ice. He doesn’t understand what Tommy is saying, doesn’t understand why this proclamation seems not to be a happy one. “Why not?” Eddie asks, almost grateful for the opportunity to present confusion, curiosity, rather than forced pleasure at the thought of one of his closest friends and his– best friend marrying each other. “You guys are serious. I mean, you live together.”

Tommy huffs another laugh, still more disbelief than humor, really the opposite of humor. “His lease was up.”

“Right. But he chose not to renew it. He chose to move in with you,” Eddie says, slow, struggling to understand, the pounding of his pulse not helping him think clearly, see through the puzzle that is everything Tommy has said so far and the way he has said it. 

“He was never going to renew it,” Tommy tells him.

And that’s– that’s something Eddie didn’t know. He hates it when he learns information about Buck from Tommy, always has, even though he fights with everything in him not to feel like that. Tommy is Buck’s boyfriend, of course he’s going to know things about him that Eddie doesn’t, know him in a way that Eddie doesn’t. 

“We hadn’t spoken about living together,” Tommy says, eyes on Eddie. “But he’d said he thought the loft was too expensive and he was spending nearly every night at mine by that point. When he wasn’t on shift. Or at yours.” Eddie pulls his eyes away, takes a sip from his beer for something to do, even though the bitter taste is turning his stomach. “He said he wasn’t going to renew it, that he’d look for somewhere new, cheaper. But this was too close to the end of his lease to find a place before he had to move out. I asked where he was going to stay in the meantime.”

“And he said with you,” Eddie guesses, more a statement than a question.

But Tommy shakes his head. A smile curls his lips but his eyes– his eyes don’t match. “He said he’d crash on your couch, actually.”

Eddie takes another mouthful of beer, holds it there, on the back of his tongue. He didn’t know any of this. Buck would, of course, have been more than welcome. Likely why he hadn’t asked in advance, why he planned for it without seeking permission. 

“I said he could stay with me, instead. That he’d be able to sleep in a bed here.” Eddie swallows, the beer somehow thick and cloying in a way that it shouldn’t be. “And then when he started making noises about looking for a new place, I told him he should stay.”

While it’s not how Eddie had, unwillingly, pictured it in his head — Tommy and Buck mutually agreeing that Buck shouldn’t renew his lease, deciding they wanted to live together — it still doesn’t explain what Tommy has said. “And he did stay,” Eddie says. “So, why aren’t– Does Buck not want to get married?” But that can’t be it, that can’t be right. Eddie is certain Buck does want to be married, only he’d tried hard not to think of Buck wanting that with Tommy, with anyone. Anyone else. 

“No, he does,” Tommy confirms it. He leans over and deposits his beer on the coffee table. Then sits back, still turned to Eddie, but arms crossed over his chest, like a protection of himself. “We’ve spoken about it, discussed it. And he’s told me he’s always wanted that, to get married, to be part of a family.” Tommy pops one hand out of the fold of his arms to hold it up, out, quelling, like Eddie has protested. He hasn’t, but his heart is doing something approximating a riot at the idea of Tommy being Buck’s family. “And I know he has a family. He knows he does. In you and Chris, in Maddie and Jee, in the 118. But–” Tommy breaks off, tips his head to the side, gaze boring into Eddie’s face so strong that Eddie wishes he could turn away, duck and run. “You know how much he’s always wanted to belong somewhere.”

He does, Eddie thinks, the thought almost violent in its intensity. He belongs with me. Except, he doesn’t. Not really, not how Eddie wants, not the way he does with Tommy.

“And I want that for him,” Tommy goes on, tucking his hand back in, squeezing his arms tighter about himself. Eddie’s never seen him like this, hunched in on himself, curled small. Tommy is usually so open, larger than life. “I want to be the one to give that to him.”

Eddie wants to be the one to give that to him. Desires it desperately, a secret need he’s tucked as far inside himself as he can. He can feel it now, raging to be let out, to be set free. But he can’t, he won’t. Buck is with Tommy, he’s happy with Tommy. Tommy who is so warm and kind and good, Tommy who is better than Eddie in every conceivable way, who brings so much to Buck’s life, who gives all of himself to Buck. Who wants to give him even more. Wants to, but apparently won’t.

Eddie doesn’t understand. “Then, if you want to, why won’t you ask him?” he questions, trying to. 

“If I ask him now, he’ll say no.” Tommy states it like indisputable fact, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world that Buck would refuse him. 

Eddie shakes his head, understanding even less. “But he loves you.”

Tommy smiles again, then, larger than he had before, but as devoid of happiness, as empty of cheer. This smile hurts to see, reflects the way Eddie felt inside when Tommy had said I want to ask Evan to marry me. “I know he does.” Tommy’s tone is sure, but wistful. “But he loves you more.”

It’s like– It’s like nothing Eddie has ever felt. Or maybe it’s like everything he’s ever felt. The shock of a residual lightning bolt, the joy of being a part of the 118, the pain of a bullet ripping through his shoulder, the awe of holding his son for the first time. Eddie wants Tommy’s words to be true maybe more than he’s ever wanted anything. But he also cannot believe them, has no trust that they are true. Because they can’t be. Buck loves Tommy. Not Eddie. 

“We’re friends. Best friends,” Eddie points out. “Of course, he– he loves me. But not more. Not like he loves you. He’s in love with you.”

Tommy sighs, arms uncrossing, palms coming to rest on his thighs, body taking on a posture Eddie is familiar with, the one he falls into when he’s talking someone through something, the one he adopted when Eddie came out to him some six months ago. “Eddie, he’s in love with you.”

Eddie shakes his head. It’s everything he’s ever wanted to hear, but coming from the wrong lips. Spoken by not by Buck himself but by Buck’s boyfriend, oh god. “He isn’t. Tommy, he can’t be.” 

But Tommy is nodding, nodding like what he’s said is true, like he wants Eddie to believe it. 

“He’s not,” Eddie says, hears the denial, the disbelief spill from him. Buck doesn’t love him. He doesn’t. But Eddie– Eddie loves– “I’m sorry,” Eddie says, almost a gasp. “Tommy, I’m sorry, I–”

“It’s not your fault,” Tommy cuts him off. “I knew what I was getting into. When I started seeing Evan, I knew there were going to be three people in this relationship. I just–” Tommy sighs again, scrubs his palms along his thighs. “I didn’t expect it to get this far. I thought we’d just be a fun, easy thing. Something to ease Evan into his sexuality, that new part of himself. I didn’t expect it to go like this. I didn’t expect to feel like this.” Tommy closes his eyes, lashes falling to his cheeks. He breaths in and out, while Eddie’s own breath is caught in his chest. When Tommy opens his eyes, he says, “But I don’t have to tell you how easy it is to love him.”

Fuck. Tommy knows. Because Eddie does. He loves Buck, loves him so endlessly he doesn’t know where the feeling starts and where it ends. Doesn’t know when it started; doesn’t think it will ever end. “I’m sorry,” Eddie whispers, needing to say the words again, needing Tommy — his friend — to hear them. 

Tommy lifts one palm from his thigh, his wrist pressing into the muscle as he cuts his fingers to the side in a dismissal. “Don’t apologize for it. I’m certainly not going to. I’m never going to be sorry for loving him.” He drops his hand back down, pats his leg, emphasis of the point. “But it is a problem.” He smiles, rueful. “I thought I’d be able to break up with him, if he didn’t break up with me. I should have, ages ago. I certainly should have when you came out.” 

Eddie, selfishly, had hoped Buck would break up with Tommy then. But it had seemed like a farfetched fantasy. He had told Buck he was queer after Buck had already moved in with Tommy. He’d admitted it to himself, to Frank, before that, but hadn’t told anyone else for weeks. In hindsight, sometimes he figures he’d left it too late, but most of the time he didn’t think it would have made a difference at all. But now, with what Tommy has told him, maybe it would have. It’s a knife sliding between Eddie’s ribs to think maybe. Maybe.

“But I didn’t.” Tommy looks resigned, shoulders drooping. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Eddie needs to know. It seems like Tommy has known for years that Eddie has loved Buck. Loves Buck. I knew there were going to be three people in this relationship. So why is he only bringing it up now?

“Because I didn’t. Because I can’t. I can’t break up with him. But I want to move forward. And I want to do so with him, for us to further our life together. But if I ask him to marry me when he doesn’t know for sure that you’re not an option, he’ll say no.”

Fear freezes Eddie’s insides. “So, what– what are you asking me to do?” Because Tommy is asking something of Eddie, wants something. Something Eddie fears he will have to make himself give.

Tommy straightens up, shoulders rolling back. He’s serious, solemn but not demanding or pleading when he says it. A devastating request. “I’m asking you, as my friend, to let him go.”

Eddie could be sick, he thinks, could vomit up the three and a quarter beers and the half a dozen chicken wings he’s consumed since he got to Tommy and Buck’s place. Could spill the mess of his insides up all over himself, all over Tommy, all over their lives. Tommy is his friend, was his friend before he was ever Buck’s boyfriend. Eddie should do this thing for him. Should give Buck his blessing to marry Tommy, give Buck up, give him over, completely, to this man who has loved him so well for the past three years. Eddie should; in his gut he knows it would be the right thing to do. But his heart– his heart is in revolt. It’s Buck. He loves him. How can he ever let him go?

Tommy leans forward, places a hand on Eddie’s leg, squeezes his fingers around the ball of his kneecap, until Eddie lifts his gaze and meets his eyes. “Or,” he says, somehow even more serious, “I am telling you, as your friend, to go and get him.”