#first 9 weeks done
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#ra speaks#it’s a silly joke/pun dw#we stay silly :3#edit:#woahg. that’s a lot of notes. hi everybody o/#10k. stop clenching your jaw and drink some water.#15k. eat some fresh fruit this week! I’m having kiwis tonight :]#20k. quit sitting like a shrimp it’s bad for your neck! sit up straight and do a little stretch every now and then#25k. I’m up at 2 AM but I’ll get to see the sunrise today :] if you can’t see that I hope you admire the sunset later today#30k. do something fun you haven’t done in a while. I haven’t drawn in months - I think I’ll paint a cat tomorrow :3#40k. I just slept 9 hours straight for the first time in weeks :] remember to ask for help when you need it! no glory in senseless suffering
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Re-draw of my first sketch from this fic. I cannot find the post.
'Elbows on the wooden surface, Shikamaru leaned forward, pathetically gesticulating floppy fingers as he spoke to the barman. His sharp nose jutted out of his profile, reddened with what seemed to be sunburn, and a little ball of hair sat knotted at the base of his neck. Stray hairs, not long enough to reach the hair-tie holding it in place, fell out to frame his face and ears, and below the little silver hoops in them hung a small pair of orange-padded earphones. Their colour was striking against his pale skin and dark hair, and Temari followed their cord down to his jacket pocket, where it disappeared entirely.
[...]
As quickly as it had hit her, the image of the little boy faded, and in its place stood a man: a fully grown man ordering a drink at a bar and plucking a cigarette from the pocket where his headphone cord disappeared. [...]
Shikamaru had grown up. When exactly, she couldn’t pinpoint �� maybe when his father had died, maybe during their first night in Rome, or perhaps even before — but the fact remained that he had. There was stubble on his chin, stubble that was neither patchy nor short enough to suggest he’d just forgotten to shave.'
Grandmaster ao3 by @notquitejiraiya
#This was once of the first sketches I did when instarted losing my mind over thos fic several months ago now 😵💫#this redraw is probably the closest ive got to the version i see in my head when i read it#(with prompt from notquitejiraiya's version she already beautifully drew and the reference she uses 😍)#its the first time ive done any colour as well#i chose those two things because they are significant to the story at some point 🤭 or at least reoccurring...#hes got 00 khaki 'military' style jacket#and 00s lose rise baggy jeans which have 'seaweed' on the bottom#(which is what we used to call the raggy bits at the heel that soaked up all the water around you haha)#leather bracelet 🤘#orange tape player 🎧#hopefully he looks a bit more mature than my other ones but still with kind eyes 👀 😏#grandmaster#shikatema#naruto#i love gm shikatema so much#nara shikamaru#notquitejiraiya#losing my mind week 9
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(CW for Suicidal Ideation)
Hinata’s breath was heavy as he landed the final move of their act. The tinny music playing from their speakers went quiet and the audience clapped politely. It was always the same song and dance as the crowd moved on with their day. A few of them tossed some yen their way but otherwise it was time for them to regroup for their next performance. Yuta knelt down by the hat with some coins and bills sticking out of it, counting their earnings thus far.
“Hey aniki! We might be able to eat well tonight! There’s like 3,000 yen in here!” Yuta exclaimed. The idea of a filling dinner made Hinata’s mouth water. Oh what he wouldn’t do for even warm noodles not from a cup.
Hinata turned to grab the iPod from its place on the speaker, choosing the next song to play. He put the phone back and turned the volume up a little more to play over the evening rush. The music started and he and Yuta moved in unison around their little stage, taking in the crowd. There were some regulars that Hinata recognized, the businesswoman who was perpetually tired but always stopped for their performances and a few kids who looked up at them in awe as their parents were trying to usher them away. There were always new faces too, of course people traveled across the country all the time or took new trains or moved cities, but there was something different about the boy with the bright red hair at the back of the crowd. His sky blue eyes pierced straight through to Hinata’s heart and made him stumble when their gaze connected with his own.
“Hey, aniki focus! We’re almost done, don't fail on me now!” Yuta whispered, carefully shielding Hinata from the crowd as he regained his footing. Yuta was always so quick thinking. Hinata got back to his position and finished up the routine, eyes looking for that boy he had spotted earlier. He half hoped the boy would come talk to them afterwards while they were packing up for the evening, but when he finally saw that shock of red hair, it was moving away with the rest of the crowd.
Hinata sighed, disappointed. Maybe that boy would come back someday. There was something about him that drew Hinata in.
Someone bumped his shoulder, drawing him from his thoughts. “Hey, aniki, are you alright? You seem out of it today.” Yuta’s hand rested on his shoulder and Hinata couldn’t help but smile. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around, the older brother checking in on the younger one?
“Hey hey everything’s fine Yuta-kun, don’t worry about me. I was just thinking about that delicious dinner you’re treating us too~” He playfully pushed back on Yuta, the red haired blue eyed boy all but forgotten now.
“Hey! It’s technically our money so I’m not treating you to anything!” Yuta scowled but the smile in his voice was obvious to Hinata.
“Hehe, then dinner’s on me! Say ‘thank you aniki!’”
---
It was a week before Hinata saw the red headed boy in their audience again. He had all but slipped his mind, but those striking blue eyes were impossible to forget. Yuta was introducing their next performance which allowed Hinata to take a better look at the older boy who had made his way to the middle of the audience. He was tall and what Hinata could see of his outfit seemed ill-fitting at best, along with a headband holding his hair away from his eyes.
Hinata scrambled to his position as the music queued up and let his instincts take over. Every so often he found himself glancing at the red haired boy, trying to see what he thought of their performance, but his face revealed nothing.
Why was he so focused on this one boy? It’s not like they didn’t have strangers who watched them sometimes, and none of them had caught Hinata’s attention quite like this boy. He really couldn’t be much older than Hinata, maybe 17 at the oldest. Was he an older brother too? The boy’s eyes made contact with Hinata’s and it took everything in him to not look away.
Once again however, Yuta snapped him out of whatever trance he had been in and everything was forgotten.
“Are you really okay aniki? You’ve been out of it a lot recently…” Oh how it pained Hinata to see the concern on Yuta’s face. Nothing was even really wrong per se, but Hinata was distracted nonetheless.
“I’m fine, Yuta-kun. Geez, can’t your older brother have some peace?” His mouth ran faster than his brain and he immediately regretted it. Yuta’s face flipped through several emotions; hurt, confusion, exhaustion. It wasn’t like him to hide things from his brother, so why was he doing it now? “Whatever, let’s get some dinner. My treat~”
“It’s our money!”
---
The boy continued to make appearances at the twins’ performances on the street, becoming something of a regular but disappearing before Hinata could flag him down. Hinata wasn’t even sure what compelled him to want to talk to the older boy, but he wanted to say something. He had even noticed that the boy seemed happier and his clothes fit a little better, not like they were just the first thing he grabbed out of a donation pile.
Finally, after almost a month of trying to say something to the boy, Hinata saw him walk up to their hat on the ground and drop a few coins into it.
“Thank you!” He said, walking up to the boy. “Hope you enjoyed the performance!”
The boy froze as if he wasn’t expecting to be greeted like that. There was a slight flush to his face. “I-it’s nothing, don’t worry about it. You uh…you were great?” The boy seemed unsure of how to reply, though Hinata was happy with the compliment nonetheless. Maybe…
“What brings you here? I mean--agh, sorry! I just mean…I noticed you don’t have a regular schedule?” The words were practically falling out of his mouth and Hinata wasn’t really sure what they were doing. “Like you show up a few days in a row but then go three weeks without stopping by at all!” He was just digging a bigger grave for himself! Great!
“Ah uhm…I’m not from around here.” The boy scratched at the back of his neck. Maybe Hinata should back off.
“O-oh, yeah of course. Duh. Are you visiting family or something?”
“Not quite. I really should get going though. See you…later?”
“Yeah, see you later.”
“Hey Aniki, are you coming or not? The food’s gonna get cold!”
“Coming!”
---
It was almost a month before the boy appeared again. In the time between, Hinata had come up with a million different ideas for what his life was like. Was he a delinquent who skipped school to hang out on the street with gangs (how scary! But he looked strong enough to fit in)? Or was he a runaway from a city far away, somewhere Hinata only dreamed of visiting like Okinawa? Maybe he had a bad relationship with his dad and ran away, a thought that Hinata hated to admit had crossed his mind more than once. Or maybe he just passed through the city on the way to somewhere else. That seemed to be the most likely option, especially if he couldn’t come very often.
When the boy did finally show up again, Hinata had to hold himself back from practically jumping him after the performance. Something looked…different about him though. His eyes seemed more tired? Like he hadn’t been sleeping well. Hinata thought of a fight he had with his dad a few weeks ago that made it hard for him to sleep and thought maybe this boy was the same as him in that regard.
Hinata decided to wave him down after the performance, hat in hand (they had done pretty well! It felt heavier than normal and even without counting everything, they’d probably have enough for breakfast too).
“Hey! You look tired, are you--did you want to get something to eat?” Please say yes please say yes please say yes--
The boy’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. Did Hinata mess up? Oh he overstepped and now there really wasn’t any chance of getting to know him. Why was he so interested in talking to the boy anyway? Hinata had been asking himself that for a while now and he still had no answer.
“I…I can’t. I need to go.” The boy turned and ran off before Hinata could ask more. He just kept messing up, didn’t he? Maybe he really was just a burden to Yuta and their dad and the restaurant owner. He shouldn’t have been born and Yuta would’ve been better off--
“Aniki! Sheesh, get your head out of the clouds. How much did we make?” Yuta grabbed the hat out of Hinata’s hand and quickly counted out the coins and bills. “Woah! We could eat a whole five course meal with this…”
“Think with your head a little Yuta-kun. We’ve got breakfast paid for if we don’t blow it all tonight!”
Yuta nodded before handing the hat back to Hinata. “So, my pick tonight?”
---
Hinata signed the note, trying his best to keep the tears from dripping on it and smudging the ink. After his blunder with the red haired boy, he hadn’t shown up to their performances for over two months. Hinata was certain that he had messed up and was too forward. He didn’t even know the kid’s name! Why did he think the two of them could ever be friends?
And on top of all of that, Yuta had become more and more distant from Hinata, as if Hinata just existing was dragging him back from his full potential. Yuta would have been better off as an only child and maybe Hinata deserved this life. Thirteen years living with their father, who had treated them as nothing but monsters, blaming them for their mother’s death and everything bad that had happened since, Hinata had resolved to run away. He’d make his way to the mountains and maybe he’d find someone willing to help him or maybe he’d slip into an endless sleep.
Dear Yuta-kun, the letter had started. I’m sorry that I’m leaving like this, but I know that I’m just a burden to you. I’m sorry for that. I wish I had more to say but I just want you to be happy and maybe father will treat you better without me. I love you.
The other letter, already folded and placed on the table, was much shorter, addressed to his father.
Dear Father, I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better son. Please don’t take this out on Yuta-kun, it was my decision.
The less words he spent on that man, the better. Hinata folded Yuta’s note and placed it on top before quietly exiting through the front door.
---
Everything was cold. Hinata slumped against a tree, head between his knees in a last ditch effort to keep warm. Sleep should come soon and he could painlessly move on, at least that’s what he hoped. He barely registered someone approaching him, but didn’t look up.
“Hey.” The voice was vaguely familiar, but where did he remember it from? A warm hand shook at Hinata’s shoulder.
“‘M fine.” The words were barely a whisper. The other voice grunted before walking away. It was another minute before Hinata felt something drape around his shoulders and a cup shoved in his hand. Whatever was in it was steaming, warming his fingers.
“Drink.” The voice said. And he did, the tea was very, very bitter. That voice…
Hinata looked up, meeting a pair of bright, sky blue eyes. That’s where he recognized the voice from. Did he…live? In the mountains? The boy seemed to recognize him too. He was wearing a headband and what looked like very warm clothes that Hinata wished he had. Hinata finished the tea, trying not to focus on the flavor. It helped at least, in warming him up a bit.
“Why are you here?” The boy finally spoke again. It sounded like he was unsure if he should be mad or concerned, or both, but he offered Hinata another cup of tea, which he accepted if only to warm his fingers up. He pulled the blanket closer around his body.
“I…ran away.” Hinata looked downward, as if admitting this out loud was a cardinal sin. The boy gestured for him to continue. “I guess I just…I was dragging my brother down. I’m not really talented at anything like he is and I’m the reason our dad sees us as monsters. He shouldn’t have to deal with a brother like me.” Hinata wasn’t really sure why he was spilling this so easily. The boy was a good listener though, hanging on every word Hinata spoke. Was he shaking? He’d never admitted this out loud before and it felt oddly freeing to say it to someone.
He waited for a response, anything to chase away the uncomfortable silence Hinata had created with his confession. He really fucked up, didn’t he. He should have just kept that to himself like he always did instead of burdening a stranger like this!
“I…” The boy started, barely audible above Hinata’s racing heartbeat. “I’m glad you’re alive.” He sounded unsure of his words. Was he just trying to be nice? Of course he was, how else do you respond to a kid telling you something like this?
“You don’t have to pretend.”
“I’m not. When I saw you singing and dancing…I think I realized something--” The boy cut himself off, the suddenness of it making Hinata look up. A moment later he heard his brother calling out from the woods behind him.
“Aniki! There you are!” Yuta tackled him to the ground, squeezing Hinata like he might just blow away in the wind if they weren’t careful. “You scared me! I can’t believe you’d do something like that!”
Tears pricked at Hinata’s eyes again. “I’m sorry, Yuta-kun. I’m really sorry.” He buried his face in Yuta’s jacket. His nose started to run, from the cold or the tears he couldn’t tell.
“You aren’t a burden to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you around Aniki!” Yuta pulled back, hands gripping Hinata’s shoulders. “Promise you won’t do something that stupid again.”
Hinata wiped the tears from his eyes, sparing a glance where the boy had been. It was as if he had never been there at all and Hinata had just hallucinated the whole interaction. He looked back at his twin brother. “I promise.”
“Now let's get you home and warmed up. Where’d you get this blanket anyway? It doesn’t look like one of ours.”
“I…” The boy had been real, and he told Hinata he was glad he was alive (even if his explanation was cut short by Hinata’s brother rushing in). “I guess I just found it. There must be people living nearby or something.”
---
The chatter of the night club died down for the night as everyone was getting ready to go home. Hinata’s feet were sore from running around, but it was satisfying to be back in a restaurant like this. It reminded him of his childhood working for the Chinese restaurant with Yuta.
Rinne, the leader of Crazy:B who had wanted to get closer to Hinata, and by extension 2wink, slid a drink down the bar. It looked like a horrible mix of syrups and club soda, but one sip was all it took for Hinata to drink it all down.
“Great job tonight Hina! You’re a real natural at this stuff.” Rinne was washing the other glasses behind the bar now as Hinata finished the rest of his soda.
“Yuta-kun and I used to work in a restaurant so it comes pretty naturally to us!”
“That so?”
“Mhm!” Hinata slid the empty glass back to Rinne, who quickly dumped the ice and washed it before tossing the towel over his shoulder. The entire week they’d been working the club together, there had been something bugging Hinata at the back of his mind. “Hey, Rinne-senpai…did you ever watch our shows?”
“Huh? ‘Course I have, vice prez wants us to work together so I’ve seen a few of ‘em.”
“That’s not what I mean. I mean like…back when Yuta-kun and I did street performances.”
Rinne paused for a moment. “Why’re you askin’?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. You just reminded me of someone who used to watch them.”
“Well I’m sure whoever it was is proud to see you singin’ and dancin’ on stage.” Rinne had come around the bar and stood next to Hinata, ruffling his hair. “Let’s get goin’ or I’m never gonna hear the end of it from Niki-kun.”
#shay writes#enstars#ensemble stars#hinata aoi#yuta aoi#rinne amagi#OKAY ITS DONE I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT THIS PIECE ANYMORE. FUCK MAN#its at least finally no longer a wip. that's all i can say#got one person who said they liked it so to the blog it goes!!!#one less wip to worry about yippie!!!#2.8k words of me being a bit silly. that's what this is.#i probably could have extended the end a bit but augh if i thought about it any longer i would literally pass away#fuck that shit#so here we go. enjoy. i have a whole essay about aoi and amagi parallels i need to write one of these days when i reread mainstory#i'm working on reading boarding live rn i have like 9 chapters left. i'd keep working rn but augh eepy#probably just gonna watch an ep of a3 and go to bed or smth#anyway enjoy!!!! feels good to finish something a bit longer#probably no wip wednesday tomorrow just bc this is all i worked on this week...#also this is a second draft i never do that. well not never i've done it before#and this is i think a significant improvement on the first#okay i'm done tag talking for realsies byeeeeeee enjoy
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3 days to next tmg show & i need to make 2 patches may the spirit of jenny give me the strength to finish them despite having literally 0 free time ever
#those days are literally class job job. thankfully i have the drive to & from class (2 hours) so i need to design & draft both tonight#and write 500 words on the ars poetica but whatever its only 9 pm#i'm so exciteddddd. the first one is seated which i haven't done since like 2022 when i did not have a great time but i think this one will#be fun. less stress & everything#i wish i could go to more this tour...... this class is unfortunately very much worth it though i'm so sad there are only a few weeks left#i hope they tour in the winter though...... not sure when they'll come back to the east coast but i hope it's soon
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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YALL IM FR SO SCARED TO CONTINUE DRAWING THIS CHARACTER SHEET I DONT WANNA FUCK IT UP
ARTFIGHT IS IN 2 WEEKS IM SO FUCKED
#art wip#current wip#wip#art#help#artfight#im not ready for artfight#ARTFIGHT IS IN 2 WEEKS.#THIS IS THE 5TH TIME I’VE RESTARTED THIS CHARACTER SHEET#THIS ISNT THE FIRST TIME I’VE DRAW THIS#IVE SOMEHOW ALREADY SPENT 9 HOURS ON IT#AND I HAVE NOTHING DONE#shitpost#weezart
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A Rose's Thorns - Girly411 - 美男高校地球防衛部LOVE! | Binan Koukou Chikyuu Bouei-bu LOVE! [Archive of Our Own]
Pairing: Miss Bara Beach/Hakone Goura
Rating: T (for some suggestive language and innuendo)
Summary: Years had passed since the fallout from the first alien invasion, but their battle wounds had barely begun to heal before news of the second generation had reached them… and that meant it was time for a reunion. Fortunately, that was nothing she couldn’t handle. After all, she was a rose and her thorns were sharp, but perhaps that was what he’d been afraid of.
Read on AO3.
Old Friends prompt for @rarepair-week
#rarepair week 2024#boueibu#binan koukou chikyuu bouei-bu love!#cute high earth defense club love!#Gora Hakone#Goura Hakone#Miss Bara Beach#Driftwood shipping#Cloe tries to write#A Rose's Thorns#haha I'm still bad at summaries OH LOOK IT ONLY TOOK ME 9 YEARS TO FINISH THIS#and SINCE IT HAS TAKEN ME SO LONG I have elected to just post it on the first day instead of waiting for the end#because I don't know if I will get the second fic done in time and I need it off my chest NOW ;;w;;#the AO3 collection for this week is closed as of the time I posted it so I'll have to see about submitting it there later ^^'
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randomly looked at this account to update my age and holy shit it's been a while since i posted here..........i have a small pile of art i have yet to post but hbhbshdbshbd too lazy
#part of it is that i haven't posted any of my recent art but in addition#i haven't made new art in a WHILE (abt 3 months) which is highly unusual for me but the reason for that is#3 months ago i suddenly remembered that i tried learning mandarin for three (3) days before forgetting about it for 9 months#(amusingly the reason why is not because of danmei......i did not even know danmei existed when i first decided to learn it)#anyways i have been insanely fixated on learning it for the past 3 months#however since art is primarily a way for me to process my interests and that only really be done when i'm fixated on media........well#let's just say i have not been making art at all#that might change soon tho#rn i'm reading 撒野 (saye) in chinese bc it's at a level i can read and i fucking love it so far#idk why i picked a book longer than svsss (which took me a week to read in english)...u would think there's no chance of me finishing it#or even reading it#especially when the only novel i've read before this is a chinese translation of the fucking magic finger by roald dahl LMFAO#but it's been a week and i'm a fifth of the way into it which i was not expecting at all#it was initially an exercise of “i will get as far as i can and try my best to read a chapter a day” but i've been zipping through chapters#last night i was up until 3 AM reading it and i was so tempted to read more but had to stop myself#of course this is all aided by pleco which lets me quickly look up words that i don't know yet. pleco ily#that being said...this all does mean i know words like 收銀台 before i even know the word for “orange” (the color) which is pretty funny#but idk considering that the sum of my time spent learning chinese is just 3 months..........i think i am doing pretty damn good#i thought it would be a LOT longer before i could finally start enjoying some interesting things#god but it really has been a while since i last read a high school romance...but i am quite fond of the leads and their respective baggage#sorry for the whole tag ramble.........i haven't really had anyone to talk abt this stuff with#oh also it's my birthday#that is why i am even here to update my age in the first place#happy lan wangji birthday#actually the only reason i realized it was gonna be my birthday soon is because i saw chinese artists posting lan wangji birthday fanart#and then remembered that we share the same birthday#also re: the art i haven't posted yet.........a good chunk of it is misvil fanart...song qingshi my beloved#and there's also a luo binghe drawn on an art app i PROGRAMMED MYSELF (!!!!!!!!!) in there#actually that piece is the main reason i haven't posted the art i HAVE made. how the fuck do i explain that i drew it on an app that i made#sorry this is genuinely the most off the rails tag ramble i've ever done. okay i'm done
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[ID: a drawing of a computer popup style notifications titled "SAC BOOK" with a loading bar like 80-90% done with the description "book kickstarter preperation in progress!". below is is a traditionally drawn sketch that has been scanned and shaded digitally, of the artist holding a clipboard titled "burnout avoidance strategy" and staring at it with their tongue out. next to them is the words "we'll be right back!" end id]
okay so little better rested currently so brief update! so realised that there is still a fair bit that needs doing but making regular comic updates does take up about half or more of the time i have to work on art stuff, so i've made the decision to swap around kickstarter preperation and comic updates on my priority list!
unfortunatly the struggles of making comics while having a day job means that trying to do both will just make me burnt out and make both projects half assed so i'm pausing the regular comic updates to put my focus on preparing to print the comic. can't burn the candle at both ends, you'll just burn yourself and get wax all over the carpet
current (self imposed) timeline estimate: work on (and hopefully finish) preperations in july, have the kickstarter be live in time for august (so i can advertise it in the 3 conventions i have that month), resume comic updates in august also (hopefully. again, 3 conventions. will let you all know how it turns out) and print everything in september!
#sac#someone always cares#for real though i did very much get more done the past week without also needing to do the comic update#both in comic prep but also irl needing to do other activities to not get burnt out#went to an aro & ace meetup on sat and turns out talking to other people outside of work is good for your mental health!#even played a video game for the first time in 9 months (slay the princess)#havent gotten all the endings and stuff yet but saving the rest for a day where my hand hurts too much to continue drawing#also unrelated but vis a vis art book i was thinking maybe that's something to wait for the next volume print because as it is#there are too many spoilers. but nothings set in stone yet however
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#day six death and dying over here due to kidney stones#pain meds really give u false sense of security briefly but overall difficult to concentrate on anything#cos when they run out they really fuckin run out level 8-10 pain#and the first hour after taking another dose is mostly waiting for the pain relief to kick in again#hour two maybe into three feeling like a normal person again wow i can exist normally#then it starts runnning out again and it goes from like 3 to 9 real quick#really trying to make the full 4 hours between the tylenol and ibuprofen so that the range between doses of the same are well past 6 hours#on top of still having to work 11.5 hour days and getting yelled at by customers and having them wish ill heakth upon you#and i still got 2 full days before my surgery wed morning#having a real fuckin struggle#ursa speaks#i knwk they prescribed me the oxy if i really need it but i really dont want to have to take it#really wish theyd done the scan when i first went jn to the ER the week before instead of being like#well we ruled out a UTI so it's probably a kidney stone ok go home now bye#then week later when i get whammoblammod by crippling pain theyre like ok now that we know its a 10mm stone we should schedule u with a uro#arg arg arg 5000 im just ranting bye#ohhhh youre a bit young for kidney stones says the urologist#ok tell that to my bitch ass kidney
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Sulk in the sea of your sadness, starlight
textless/bg under cut
#The Dragon Prince#6#Well hello beautiful followers I am not dead#I was just away and busy for a month#But now I’m back home#And I am dying over TDP#I’ve been into that show since it launched… watched ATLA for the first time in 2018 so I knew who Aaron was#And I have been continually impressed by it#Every season gets better and better and better it’s amazing#My favorite characters are Callum Janai Amaya Terry Ruthari Zubeia Soren and of course Aaravos… and now Leola#I found out the season came out the day it did#I was just like “hm lemme check the tag” and then saw so many new screenshots and the countdown acct saying “23 hrs for S7”#Then I went and watched the trailer that I was 2 weeks late to and was just BLOWN AWAY#But I was not home then so I had to wait a couple days#Then when I got home I IMMEDATELY turned it on#This season was stunning#Animation is so much better like the microexpressions and scenery and all that just omggggg#All the callbacks and development for the characters were done so well… Soren Viren conflict broke meeeeeeeeeee#And worldbuilding crazy like the Starscraper wowwwwwwwww#But yeah I immediately looked for Aaravos scraps and when I got to episode 9 it just broke me on so many levels… Rayla’s parents Runaan hgn#And Aaravos’ backstory got me crying in the club Leola didn’t deserve any of that#Her stimming and Aaravos’ expert parenting the representation in this show continues to be the most meaningful in the business#So yes I had to draw something for him#I know his colors technically muted after he lost her but let me have saturated colors I love them#So yeah I’m back… also got a fun surprise for tomorrow so stay tuned here!!
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pros of waking up earlier in the morning: wow i’m getting so much work done. i have so much time for the rest of the day. what do you mean i’m already almost done with this assignment it’s not even noon yet?
cons of waking up earlier in the morning: i have to actually wake up early in the morning
#caroline talks#i laugh because it's not even really 'early'#i woke up at like 8 am today which is actually. kinda considered later for me in the mornings#because even on the weekends i usually try to wake up at around 7:30 bc. idk. being a full-time law student#means that. you gotta really get going even on the weekends#and then during the actual week i'm usually up by 6:30 am#maybe earlier if i really need to get more stuff done#but it's break! which means that usually i'd be up at around 9 am#or even at like. 9:30 am#but i have an assignment due at 9 pm tonight#and then i have some networking calls to make tomorrow afternoon#and i also need to outline for my classes bc oh god we are officially less than a month away from the first exam#which makes me. scream#so like! we are being. so normal#how can i relax over break when time is hurtling at me like a TRAIN#anyways in a panic#i actually started working on this assignment last night#bc for some reason i thought it was due TOMORROW instead of TONIGHT#so yesterday in a rush i printed out all 25 pages of the assignment#read through it a few times on the train#tried to do some of it but the wifi SUCKED so i couldn't get far#then came home at like. 6:30 pm#ate dinner + chatted with my family for like. 3 hours#then from like. 10 pm until almost 1 am i was working on the first part of the assignment#and then 7 hours of sleep before going into the next part of the assignment#it is now 11:34 am#i have been at it for roughly 3 hours now
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HELLO??????
#this does explain why i was so fucking winded like the last mile and a half... It's because I was running fucking 9:40s#And my heart rate was like sitting at 180!!!#This was an INSANELY flat run tho like 200ft total elevation change over 16 miles#But at the same time.... Damn I still have it????#I was feeling kinda bleh the first couple of miles and then i was feeling good and then I checked my watch for the first time @8#And then i was like. Hello???? Sub 10???? And then I guess i felt good and just kept doing that. Like?????#I thought about doing like another 4mi when I was like. Crossing the bridge I was like oh I could just go to the next one#And tbh i think my legs have it in me??#But would be a bizzare choice to go from a 12mi long run to like a TWENTY mile long run in like two weeks. I don't wanna get injured...#I really did have kind of a crappy running week (Killed my legs w/ 8 days on + hard frisbee game on horrid field Tues)#And i woke up with some ankle pain... But the run itself was amazinggggg#Exactly what I needed :)#I do need to actually register for my race and also. Make a training plan#Bc ive been fairly into my stats lately so... If i have one I might actually follow it....#ANYWAY!! /#BEAUTIFUL DAY!!! BEAUTIFUL RUN!!! HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!!#MARATHON NO3 I'M COMING FOR U!!!!!!!!#Tetrapod runs#Jfjfjfj my other concern was fueling bc all I had was a cliff bar but it was tbh totally fine#I'm thinking of trying to reconsider how I've done long run fuel thus far but idk... We'll see!#Jfjfjfj this is the summer of fucking with my diet because I want to try new things I guess!!! But not TOO crazy obviously
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I spent 4 solid hours working on it but finally, the entire bedroom floor has been cleared and thoroughly vacuumed! Even the closet floor with stuff spilling out has been cleared enough that I can finally close the doors again! Length of time I have been putting this off: maybe a year idk.
#'walk through maintenance inspection ahead of city required inspections' will really put the fear of god into ya#(first time it has happened since we moved in 3.5 years ago) but we have made good progress!#we have had 8 days since the notice and have 9 remaining to get in decent shape#we have both general floor clearing and some genuine deep cleaning in the kitchen and bathroom to do so it's been...fun#especially when both of us are working full time and I am currently on a project so short I can't take off even one day#(short but so tiring that I literally crawled into bed by 6 four out of 5 nights this week and did not get up til morning)#our reward when all of this is freaking done is we get a new bed and mattress. hate to invest in both at once but#we have been sleeping in a size Full bed on a mattress that is over 20 years old and it has Taken Its Toll
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undergoing self-immolation from stress
#left dnd feeling kind of shitty and overall upset at myself for screwing up my character in the first session#anniversary artwork is taking forever to finish but i needed it to be done Tonight™ to make it in time for tuesday#which normally i'd say ugh whatever i'll just get it up by the 25th#but the stress of trying to get it done quickly has just made me sick of it#to the point that i want to be rid of it as quickly as possible#stressed about document renewal deadlines#stressed about car repairs i haven't even been able to think about because i'm acting as a chauffeur 9 days out of the week#stressed about needing to buy clothes for my internship soon (expensive and dysphoria abound surely)#stressed about needing to petition for my degree#stressed about poorly scheduled doctor's appointments tomorrow where they'll probably tell me my health is still garbage#and that they didn't order the right blood panel so i'll need to be stabbed another four times#ug hg ; ; ; ;#i feel like crying honestly ; ; ; ;#and all this isn't even counting voicebank things or other vocal synth work ; ; ;#how do i keep ending up here ; ; ; ; ; ;
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tw weight talk/weight loss
keep trying to remind myself that years of mismanaging the amount i eat and lacking exercise cannot be undone in a couple weeks through purely healthy means
#io speaks#i am losing some pounds but its DREADFULLYYYY SLOWWWWW#and then i feel weirdly bad about how bad i let myself get and i wanna undo all my process its soooo#ive been trying to turn things around for myself a bit more but i cannot exit a self pitying self deprecating mindset AERGHHH#has anyone else done this journey. does it get easier. im on week 6#i've lost around 5 pounds which isnt much but ive been only gaining weight so this is the first time im seeing the number go down#which is nice. but im afraid ill hit a wall bc im not being 100% perfect about my diet#im tracking for 9 weeks but at this rate im def not hitting my goal so ill have to tack on another 9 weeks depending
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