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I finished wild arms yesterday! what a great game
#wild arms#wild arms 1#cecilia adlehyde#jack van burace#rudy roughnight#earth golem#art tag#i really really loved this one im so glad i finished it#its really fun and not overly long for a jrpg (about 30 hours)#also gets my seal of approval in that despite what all promotional material would have you believe cecilia is the main character#like its not even a question she just is. compounded by the fact that if you want to you can play as her the whole time#my biggest criticism would prob be that by the end of the game the party feels kind of unbalanced especially in boss fights#cecilia can do so much shit and the boys basically just do different kinds of big damage lol#cecilia can also do big damage but shes too busy healing and buffing and debuffing and all that#its not all that hard though so its not a huge deal just kind of funny#anyway i definitely want to play the rest of the series at some point. apparently theres an anime too?? exciting
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I realized that Compound Fracture is almost exactly what i want out of trans representation. I was able to explain the whole plot to my friend without mentioning that the main character (miles) was trans once, and the story still felt complete. This doesn’t mean that him being trans isnt important though, as it is an important part of his character and his growth. I just feel like most things with a trans main character either have the entire plot revolve around the character being trans or mention it once and think its good
#andrew joseph white#compound fracture#i havent finished it yet though so i cant speak for the ending#have about 50 pages left
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There are a bajillion Marriage Hunt AUs and not a single one for HashiMito. I don't even like the trope because bride kidnapping was a real thing where men captured the women they wanted to marry and then raped them - and to me, personally, that's reason enough not to enjoy a romanticized version of it. But see, I'm a spiteful bitch and the fact that there are so many MadaTobi and TobiIzu Marriage AU fics but not a single HashiMito one makes me want to have one now.
So...
This is Hashirama's fourth time participating as a hunter in a marriage hunt. The last three times, he claimed he hadn't been able to capture anyone, which is a bald-faced lie considering he's one of the strongest shinobi in all of Hi no Kuni if not even all elemental nations, and the elders know it. But it's not like they can do anything about it except force him strongly suggest to participate in another one.
This time, however, he is considering taking the hunt seriously for once. One of the possible brides is a Nara - the second child of the current clan head. Albeit unfortunately a man, thus not possible to grant Hashirama heirs, which the elders will have objections about (even though they only care about the Mokuton, which they know only appears in every few generations, so the chances that a child of his would inherit the Mokuton are practically zero), he has heard of the intellect that runs through Nara clan head's family.
The first child would've been more fitting, for one she's a woman, and for another she's rumored to be the smartest Nara as of yet, but as the direct heir, she naturally can't marry out. So Hashirama will have to do with the younger brother instead. He isn't sure if he wants to have sex with a man, but Hashirama has never been fond of tradition anyway so he may as well just ignore this one, too. What he needs, is someone strategic to help him make peace with the Uchiha, and since Tobirama is unwilling to hear him out, he may as well capture himself a personal strategist via a marriage contract.
(And here Tobirama always claimed Hashirama can't think ahead. Ha, take this!)
Sure, if it was up to Hashirama, he'd prefer his future wife someone to be he has already gotten to know and has had time to court and develop feelings for but since he's clan head, he can't have everything he wants, so this is his next best option.
When the hunt starts, however, Hashirama doesn't immediately chase after the Nara whose name he unfortunately already forgot. He keeps an eye on him, to see what kind of traps he comes up with against his pursuers, and if Hashirama is impressed enough, he will try to strike a conversation with him and see, how he feels about the notion of peace. And only then will he decide if he will capture the man into marriage or not.
For now, he just runs nonsensically into the forest, which is all the more surprising when golden chains wind around him and capture him in a hard grip that makes him stumble and almost fall to the ground.
"Wha-?"
"Senju Hashirama," he hears Uzumaki Mito's voice at the other side of the chains, standing proudly a few branches behind him, her chin held high and her expression smug, "I, Uzumaki Mito, declare my intention to hunt you for marriage. Do you accept?"
Her tone is steady and imperious but not unkind. Hashirama blinks in confusion.
"But I am registered as a hunter and not bride-to-be?" he helpfully points out.
"Not anymore," Mito says and gestures to his wrist, retracting her chains from his person, now that she has his full attention. Where a blue bracelet should be that identifies him as a hunter is now a red one instead. A bride's bracelet.
Hashirama gapes. "How--?"
He had noticed Mito's hard stare before the hunt had begun. And when he had looked over to see who kept staring holes into him, Mito hadn't even had the decency to look away, had just looked at him with an intense gaze, not paying attention to the rules of the hunt that were being read aloud. Hashirama had wondered if there had been something on his face and prayed it wasn't leftover from his breakfast.
Now he wonders how she managed to exchange his bracelet without anyone noticing, including him, all the while she had been lined up quite a few paces away from him with two other hunters between them.
"I can't marry out, I am clan head," he then mentions carefully, although Mito knows already as much. They have, after all, met a handful of times already. But it bears mentioning, since Mito seems to have forgotten how a marriage hunt works.
"I am aware. And I am, of course, willing to marry into my wife's clan instead. My wife's duty takes precedence over the nature of our marriage."
Huh. Hashirama has met Mito before, so he knows she's a smart woman - Ashina's head strategist even. She's witty and incredibly skilled at the arts of sealing. She's also an exceptionally beautiful woman, which is not important in this context, but Hashirama can't help but notice anyway. And right now, something akin to fear and hope shimmers in those coal-dark eyes, in contrast to the confident pose she's holding.
So, stupidly, Hashirama doesn't think twice when he answers, "I accept."
The brilliant smile Mito gifts him then is all the confirmation he needs that this was the right decision. He may not have had the time to properly court Mito and get to know her better, but he can tell without a doubt, this will be more than worth it.
Without further ado, Hashirama runs.
#and then mito captures him again with her chains and they have nasty sex in the middle of the forest (mito tops)#when he gets back to the senju compound and then explains that HE has been captured by mito in the hunt the elders and tobirama both#are just like ??????#not that they can say anything against it since it's a good match but wtf#tobirama can already feel all headaches he's going to have in the future#may writes#apparently?????????#i couldn't finish my mito week fics bc of the block but this i wrote in like half an hour out of nowhere????#make it make sense brain#i will have to polish this before posting this on ao3 but yeah apparently may has written again#hashimito#senju hashirama#uzumaki mito#mito will continue calling hashirama her wife btw. she's the one who caught him after all#and hashirama calls mito his husband#that's how they introduce each other to other ppl
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I NEED CHEERLEADING TELL ME I'M PRETTY
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The thing they don't tell you about discovering you're trans is that once you open up that whole can of worms, when you accept something so fundamental as your gender is not built on a stable foundation and can be changed, it gets you thinking about other stuff.
Who am I, really? What parts of me are fabricated, an armor to get me to survive until where i am now? How much of me is real under that? Will the house of cards that is my personality crumble when i look too hard?
Is there even an I or is there a we? Are we more than one, or just a lot of different-thinking and different-behaving facets of one another? We're a lot different at times, but we mostly work together. We wouldn't be able to cope so well and be so functional if it weren't for all of us working together, chiming in.
How much of my memories is trauma? How can i break free of that if it's all i have ever known?
Is the person i am now even real? Maybe the me from before was more Me. Maybe i just keep coming up with coping mechanisms and behaviors because i learned it that way, and i keep myself from just experiencing myself.
What else is there but change? Are there any constants, really? So much of me has been in flux lately, i don't know what pieces to hold on to and what pieces to discard.
#ralya talks#the trans experience#identity crisis#it feels so weird to be kinda finished with most of my transition and now here i am yet again asking myself who i am#just compounding identity crisises (is that the correct plural?)#anyway i hope this is relatable atleast in part to some other trans people#because i feel really alone and weird with it right now#trans stuff#transfem
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this is the art i made for @starlightonthemoon's @tlt-big-resurrection fic, Backwards Through the Dark, an amazing canon divergent AU that lets everything play out so differently and yet still expertly leads its characters to where they need to be?!
this scene is from the epilogue chapter. if you want context go read the dang fic! >:)
#the locked tomb#tlt bre#tlt big resurrection event#GO READ THE FIC!!!!!#myart#id like to thank emmi &the mods for their saintly patience#as they waited for me to crawl out of the compounding clown car crash that was the last couple weeks of my life to finish this art
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Every now and then I'll go "I can't believe Counter/weight is only the second season, it's so good" when in reality a lot of the things I like about it are clearly the result of it being the second season.
#like the chime and their dynamic is very clearly the cast going 'we just finished autumn and now we want something light-hearted'#compounded by no one understanding the system and so their first two missions going so disastrously#and then they just switch systems suddenly and everyone's character gets expanded to accomodate#the faction games where no one keeps an eye on the clock so they just throw out cool concepts and nothing is accomplished#the freedom to just decide things without worrying about past or future implications#ultimately the reason i have never made it to palisade is that they are so aware that they are Making Friends at the Table#counter/weight is just 'here's a weird thing we're making'. this makes it jankier and less cohesive and i love it a lot#anyway. candidate of loyalty big counterweight fan fork found in kitchen#misc thoughts
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How do you picture Fem!Vox's clothing style BEFORE getting tortured into insanity? I read the part about "She’d always had a taste for glamor, for ostentation. Even when she’d been a young sinner without the money necessary for the silken gloves and wide-brimmed hats she favored as an overlord, Alice recalled her trying her best to at least give the facade of wealth and glamor. " and I thought of my headcanon design for Fem!Vox.
You're in luck, I actually started a design for F!Vox months ago, but never finished it, so I still have all the ref images.
Heavily inspired by lovesart23's F!Vox design
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Inspo folder
She steals Velvette's trait of changing outfits every scene she's in. She's got one hell of a wardrobe, filled with different eras and styles, all glammed up to the max.
#i should revisit this and actually finish it this time...#general#fightclubcat#compound aus#vox (au)#Gender Swap AU#off topic
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M'aza/Aza-jo
He/Him Khajiit 27
Favored Skills: Illusion, Conjuration, Speechcraft
Other Skills: Destruction, Sneak, Lockpicking
A rather odd and detached Khajiit, even for others of his kind. Once the son of a wealthy merchant and crime lord of the city of Corinth, he was less interested in his father's business as he was with the various magical relics that passed through his father's hands. It was no surprise that he'd grow to become a mage instead of a merchant.
Over time his experiments became more and more unethical to the point where even with the pull of his father, he was cast out of Pelletine and was forced to relocate to Cyrodiil. After several years studying in the College of Whispers, he was once again on the lamb and absconded to Hammerfell, where he studied esoteric magic under the mages of Azra's Crossing.
He put his neglected skills as a trader to use to survive so far from home, but his business in selling relics taken from Ra'Gada tombs eventually got him in trouble with the law. Having maintained connections among the Bandaari since his exile, he was whisked away by Ri'saad's caravan into Skyrim. With nowhere else to run, he made for the College of Winterhold at the far edge of the province.
Unfotunately, he would once again find trouble after barely setting foot in the province. The experience crushed him enough that he was unwilling to continue on even if he had a chance to escape. But when the impossible happened, continue he did.
I wasn't gonna do a reference for his outfit since it's heavily based on the Wayfarer Coat mod but why not
Like a lot of my early TES characters, Aza-jo originated as something other than an OC...for TES. But I'll get into that down the line.
It was a little hard deciding what information to give on what is meant to be like, his introductory post for people that haven't been on my blog for a while but I just decided follow the example of my slightly-less-developed Oblivion OCs. Also my Skyrim characters will have more than one post because of...reasons.
#elder scrolls#skyrim#khajiit#my characters#my art#i put off working on this one so long i decided to just post it when it was finished rather than sitting on it#writing these out made me realize that i use a lot of compound sentences lol#im not much of a writer so
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If I ever have to do another chemical stability stress test like the one I am trying, and failing to start this week, I'm making the damn synthetic chemists downstairs weigh out the fucking samples. They can do it on their own time and I won't give a damn how long it takes them to get me the material for the study. Do not hand me six bulk vials when we talked about three and act like the 486 samples you just asked me for are in any way easy to set up.
#hi hello i spent my entire work day either bent over a balance that goes down to 10 micrograms#or stretching and attempting to recover from above#(inadequately)#i have finished weighing *half* the samples they want#and am in a lot of pain#at this rate the study starts next week because the timeline's fucked for this week even if i do the second set a week off-set timewise#on the bright side i have the highly-specific skill of eyeballing approx 3 mg of the three compounds i weighed out 81 samples each of today#personal
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Listening to a book that made me cry was a good way to get out some feelings today. I'm still pretty cut off from the distress about today but at least we could release some tears
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my parents but especially my mom are supernaturally adept at killing a vibe because they just can't help but spew out bigoted shit with the most vitriolic tone of voice imaginable without even thinking about it
like half jokingly chastising my dad for leaving the seat up when he's been the only one to use it that way my entire life, and when my mom joins in because he says "maybe it wasn't me!" the very first words out of her mouth are "not unless one of us became a tranny overnight!"
like was that necessary. slurs fall so easily from their lips and they do it on fucking purpose, because they think they should be able to and the fact they shouldn't is the only motivation they need. no to mention the sheer disgust the words drip with, every fucking time.
any wonder I wont even tell them I'm queer, even the few times they've asked (well, they tend to ask if I'm a lesbian because their understanding about most things but especially identities is as shallow as the mirage of an oasis in the desert), never mind any gender things. I'll stay in the closet to them until I die or they do unless it becomes unavoidable, because I genuinely just don't have the capacity to deal with them not just not understanding but belligerently refusing to understand. cruelly, at times.
my parents will never know me as an adult, as a person, and no part of them would mourn it if they knew. and that's a little sad. that i can't even let myself believe they'd be willing to try, because I know they wouldn't, just makes me fucking sad, so why bother telling or asking.
it feels a little like this in all my relationships. even my sister had an overreaction to me introducing myself to her friends with a nickname of my birth name, and it's just always like that. I don't ask because the times I have prove that there's no point, my asks, my desires, the things I want or refuse to admit I need come second the moment it inconveniences someone else or requires change from them. it has never been different.
so why fucking bother.
anyway sorry mom, one of us did become a tranny overnight. my bad.
#honestly dont bother reading this im just feeling some kind of way#couple of small moments tonight that compounded my feellings#also i just finished compound fracture#by andrew joseph white#so im particularly feeling some kind of way about families that still try even if they get it wrong#wonder what thats like
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Why am i so hurts
#like i understand. flu shot and covid booster cause Some Aches And Pains#and maybe its just that compounding on the kinda achey joints ive been having lately#but still! its so much!!#it is. at the very least. a good excuse to go to bed early instead of finishing this plushie tonight#sev rambles
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its a shame the um. everything. about the piapro superpack overshadowed the demos because they were pretty cute and fun, i really liked rokka sanka specifically - its such a fun cartoon idol franchise-y full cast song and i still get it stuck in my head all the time. kimi no moto eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
youtube
#i wish there was an official off vocal out there id love to try making a midi of it#although i guess lack of real offvocal has not stopped me before....#the demo by wotaku also ruled. leisure. they have a fun day at the zoo :) and its. fucking hardstyle. awesome#that actually does have an official off vocal. so who knows what the future holes. wink wonk (guy who never finishes midis voice)#i still kiiiinda like meiko and kaito tho. like theyre no where near as good as their v1 tone and meiko sounds a little worse than her v3#but kaito is like on par with his v3 for me LOL they have their pros and cons. when people xsy his sp and his straight i like it quite a bi#gives it the clearer consonants while removing some of that hashtag sp noise#and i mean miku rin and len are serviceable i thought. im not a miku rin or lenhead tho so take my opinion with a grain of salt#there is no defending luka sp tho that was dire. again im not a lukahead but even i could tell. im so sorry lukaheads#the biggest missed opportunity for me with the superpack tho is that noisey tone they all have that like. muffles all their voices#which is fine if ur doing a song with just one maaaybe two of them. but the fun of a pack of all six characters. at least to me.#should be like making big fun group songs like this? big idol songs etc. but mixing them. sounds like a nightmare#because its like. their noise just compounds together... here they did wonderfully and even then you can hear how it like#sounds less like 6 people singing and more like maybe 3 during the all together parts#such a shame. maybe someday we will get nicer releases. maybe
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Gup R and Gup H !
This is just a sketch for now, but I will be cleaning these up and fully colouring them soon enough!
Thank you @hyperfixated-maybe (R) and @silver0stars (H) for requesting them, they were really fun and I can't wait to have them fully done :)
Requests for more of these Gup Spirit designs are still open!
#octonauts#hershel’s octonauts au#octonauts gups#requests open#the og file got deleted it had SUCHH a cute interaction between r and kwazii on it im SAD#aaah well.. i remembered em closely enough ^^;#r is inspired by Beast and Caleb's designs while h is inspired by Emma !!!#i really wanted to lean into the bug theme for h (you can't quite see it but those are supposed to be compound eyes)#and uuhuh! yeah thats it#i finished something else so i might throw that in the ring soon#giggles and scuttles away :3
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