#finished this a while ago and never posted it bc i wasnt sure i liked it but. eh.

[nymdraws]

that’s right, funky-baby,

you failed elysium.

[ankiebitez]

Comfort

tags: amon x gn! reader (as far as i know), hurt/comfort kinda, implications of the mcs parents death, implications of amons parents death

note: not beta read, drabble i wrote last night bc i could sleep, probably ooc but oh well. mc is kind of just based on my own feelings so. wrote this bc amons my babygirl, posting bc there should be more for him

you were currently staying in the avisos palace for the next few days, courtesy to bael hoping to lure beelzebub back once again. despite being used as bait, bael was at least kind enough to give you your own room to stay in, though now it wasnt exactly being used.

you dont know what exactly it was, but you couldn't get your brain to shut off so you could rest. your brain was just too full of thoughts that you usually tried to suppress, but as much as you wish they'd dissappear they never seem to. instead deciding to haunt you late at night when there's nothing you can do to push them away.

after getting tired of your restlessness you decided to take a walk through the empty halls of the palace, hoping this would do to clear your mind so you could rest.

unfortunately your thoughts only seemed to echo in time with your footsteps, bouncing off the walls of your brain until it was too much to hold together anymore.

quietly you sat down by one of the windows, cracking it slightly to let the cool air hit your face that felt like it was burning up.

truly you didnt know why you were crying now of all times, you were in hell where tons of devils loved you, but you couldn't help but still feel lonely.

a hard painful lump was in your throat while you tried your best to keep quiet with your sobs and sniffles, not wanting to wake anyone. you wouldn't know how to explain why you're crying, there wasnt really a true reason, sometimes you just need it.

despite your attempts to keep quiet, the sound of foot steps came through the hall to the room you were in.

you quickly tried to wipe your face to hide any traces but there wasnt really a need as a blonde haired demon carefully entered the room.

"oh, its you... you're crying" amon thought aloud almost curiously. he had been on night patrol through the palace, making sure no one had snuck inside or if beelzebub had returned yet.

amon came closer to you by the window, a look of concern on his face. "is something wrong? are you hurt?" he asked, looking over you for any signs of physical harm.

you shook your head a bit embarrassed, though there was no hint of judgment in his eyes. "no im okay i was just having a hard time sleeping and all i guess... i dont even know why im crying its just... stuff from when i was younger and i just..." you trailed off, the painful lump in your throat and watery eyes returning.

you didn't need to finish your sentence though, amon had been told about your past already and he can understand without words how pain from years ago can still hurt just as deeply, how you can feel just as lonely.

"oh... I can keep you company if youd like" amon offered, sitting beside you and offering to hold you.

with a hesitant nod, you let amon pull you close to his chest, placing you on his lap and holding you tightly in his arms, feeling the tears continue to well up in your tired eyes despite the feeling of comfort he gave.

amon didnt let go or push you away, only holding you tighter and letting you cry into his chest as you needed.

he silently understood the way you felt, understanding the need to release pressure on these old feelings sometimes, and even though he cant make the lonely feeling dissappear, he promises to keep you company through them.

[fanofthelamb]

Hey just wanted to say about the most recent comic, I hope you dont feel bad or shame about it!! Its very lovely and I will personally fight anyone who says otherwise.

hehe ty,,,,,, this ask has been on my mind for a while tbh. it makes me feel so nice <3 so here's some sketches, new and old!!!!!!!!! ill throw it all under a cut so ppl dont drown in all the pics. enjoy anon!!!!!!! (sketch dump the squeakquel!!!!!!!!!!!!)

i made these like 3 weeks ago but i only really posted a cropped version w/ just the giant kallamr squid , featuring @aychama and @paintpaintpaintman lambs :D

i've been sitting on them bc i wasnt entirely sure about how everyone felt about each other, and while i still am not I feel like everyone likes each other at least!!!

i also wanted to draw people's lambs reliving a bunch of my childhood memories, but i felt the idea wouldn't be accepted because i don't know how many people would related to em. these sketches are new since all i had was a jpeg of thumbnails, but they are @paintpaintpaintman , @spiderin-space , and my lambs!! the first pic is just them enjoying some honeysuckles, trying to buy some candy at the weekend market, and visiting kids in better looking neighborhoods than they lived in AHHSASHHSA i dont think i care to complete this but it is really fun drawing the lambs being lambs.

a sketch of heket nd leshy i appearantly NEVER posted because i wasnt happy with how leshy turned out. a shame, really.

i also wanted to draw all the cultists in different outfits, but it turns out i really was not interested in finishing it at the time. i do think valefar and narinder turned out kinda cute tho !!!!!!!

some motherfuckers WAY too happy to see a corpse (i still think its hilarious when my whole cult gathers around a corpse and makes googoo eyes at it what is their problem LMAOOOOO)

i ended up changing how i draw the 3 wives so the wifestack is no longer relevant (also there's 2 more that werent existing when this was drawn) but i still look at it sometimes. i think we should stack every wife on top of each other.

and the last one is part of me figuring out how i wanted the lamb. ive always known i wanted them JACKED i just cant decide how ripped i want this lil bastard. i think the current lamb is a good fit for me personally.

anyway that's doodlestack jr,,,,,,,,,,,,, SORRY FOR THE PINGS TO EVERYONE I PINGED I LOVE U GUYS LMFAO <33333333333 and everyone else CHECK OUT EVERYONE I PINGED THEY ALL MAKE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING CONTENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[slowdripsunrise]

MORE READING UPDATES OMLLLLLLL i forgor about this blog again. it will happen again tbh but i still have to go through all of the books i finished in late 2023 up to now... i'm gonna try and get as many as i can done but probably wont get all of them lol. probably very long post/rant + spoilers for various books under the cut

keep in mind i have shit memory and all of these books were finished a while ago so be warned for bad analysis and summaries

-How High We Go in the Dark by Sequoia Nagamatsu: this book was a collection of short stories that are interconnected through characters and a central storyline - a plague. i thought the concept was super interesting and i had heard really good things about it from people i share a reading taste with so i went into this expecting to be blown away and i just. wasnt. i LOVED some of the short stories and there were a few that made me cry, mainly snortorious and the robot dog story where the mom died, but other than that it was kinda a let down. the ending fucking sucked ngl. like i thought we were leading up to some profound moment, especially calling back to the chapter where people are relieving their memories in the dark, because i thought that was really compelling and interesting, but it was just fucking aliens. like it reallly feels like a cop out to me. like a whole "and it was all just a dream" type ending. im not gonna rate it actually yes i am i'd give it like 2.5-3 stars. only because some of the chapters were super hard hitting but other than that. meh.

-The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater: WHOOOOO BOY. i ate this shit up. god if i had read this in middle school or high school i am 100% certain it would have become my entire personality. like i fucking get it. i totally fucking get it. i'm treating the whole series as one book rn bc they all kinda blend together in my mind and its been a while but just. the fucking vibes. good lord the vibes were so good. can't pick out any 100% certain things i particularly noticed but i will reblog every webweave about this series there is trust. rating the entire series as 5 stars mostly because i listened to the audiobook and they did SUCH A GOOD JOB ON TH E AUDIOBOOK OML like. at first i was kinda thrown off bc i wasn't expecting it to be so. southern? but once i finished the first one i knew there was no way i could just go back to reading it with a physical book like audiobook all the way the narrator was so awesome and i love the southernness of it.

-What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher: my first t. kingfisher book! i loved the vibes, the world, the whole new set of pronouns, that shit was so fun, overall a nice short and sweet creepy ass fucking book. like im a huge wimp so i was deffo nervous and freaked out at some points, especially with the rabbits lol idk why but those were unnerving. the author did a really good job of conveying the mc's anxiety and fear while also adding in some humor and soldier rationality and stoicism. lol. cute i liked it 3.5/4 stars.

-Fault Lines by Emily Itami: tbh mostly picked this one up for the cover and it was really just a standard cheating story where the mc gets back together with her original husband because of their kids. nothing i remember to be groundbreaking at all really. 2.5 stars

-Olga Dies Dreaming by Xochitl Gonzalez: I really wasn't expecting to like this book as much as I did. the pov changes i think were very well done and intentional and weren't confusing at all! the narrators for the audiobook were wonderful and really brought life to the story, a lovely book.

-She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan: honestly, looking back on it, i was never really captivated by this story. it took me a long time to get into it, and i really never connected with any of the characters. a lot of it was more confusing than not, and i'm honestly not sure if i feel the need to continue the series. may be a case of me not being in the right mood for it, but i don't see myself trying it again. kinda sad cuz i was excited to love this but oh well. win some lose some.

-Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr: hands down my fav book of 2023 and one of my fav books of all time. like i have a feeling this review is going to be either very long or very short because there is no way i will be able to write out all the ways i love this book. the owl motif. the environmental extremism from seymore that i can 100% relate to. the way that he fell down that path in a way that felt realistic to me, based on his circumstances, and it isn't implied in my opinion, that all autistic people are like this, that all autistic people can take things to the extreme like seymore did. the audiobook was wonderful. the interconnected stories over time i think is one of my new favorite tropes/plots/metas. if done well (cough how high we go in the dark) it gets me every single time. XENO and everything about him. i was listening to the audiobook at work and during his death i had to fight back tears lol. god. and the kids in the play and how they wanted to end the story.... fuck my life. and konstance and her curiosity and oh my god everything about this book messed me up. 5/5 i think thats all i'll be able to say before i combust.

-Chlorine by Jade Song: what a weird little book. really liked it. audiobook slayed. not much else to say. recommend for weird lesbians. 3.5/4 stars.

-A Dowry of Blood by S. T. Gibson: THE AUDIOBOOK NARRATOR IS SO FUCKING GOOD AT HER JOB I COULD LISTEN TO HER TALK ALL DAY I THINK IM IN LOVE WITH HER. the story was really good love a good vampire story love a good creepy story. fun time. listened to the audiobook in like an hour hour and a half car ride it was a good time. 3.5 stars.

and that ends off all of the books i read in 2023 !!!!!!! YIPPEEE!!!!! i'll stop here and make a separate post for the books i've read so far in 2024 just for organizational purposes and also because i am hungry and need to stop lol. if you made it this far through the post i love you and also sorry for the long rant but also too bad because this is my blog and you clicked on it. happy reading :)

[urmomification]

SWAG ANOTHER DREAM SMP AU FIC IDEA THAT ILL NEVER WRITE POG

this is a very long post please im so sorry my brain it just

(tw for like slight possession n shit)

(sorry its all jumbled i write all of these in discord to my friend and copy paste them here please if u have questions ask me im always willing to talk abt this shit please it haunts me)

(context: i saw a tiktok abt the hc that both dream and techno are gods of some sort bc theyre mentioned in the tales of the smp by karl a time traveller and my brain just ran w it)

going back to the techno and dream are gods thing right so dream is a vessel for the god dream xd (??? work in progress youll know what im talking about at some point its really funny tho uve def seen clips of it) and he was possessed?? by the god after the server started (when he started going from super friendly with everyone to control/power hungry) when he started sacrificing everything for power so no one could have power over him? that was the god making him do it bc the god was terrified of not being in control since theyd lost it all to techno in their past. thats why we never see dream and techno fight and why we see dream extend help and support to him at times as well as respecting his boundaries and such bc theyre scared of techno (again w the best of 10 duel reference, techno killed the god in a past life which is why the god has been forced to use a human vessel to get anything done on the mortal plane) but when something that powerful spends pretty much any amount of time in something mortal and mundane like a person, the host body starts to change (hence the mask) i like to think that the god would be akin to that of a biblically correct angel?? like the ones w multiple eyes n shit yk so after time things start to happen to normal dreams body he gets extra sets of eyes and he gets taller and overall his body seems just Too Small for whatevers inside of him and thats why he (hc) started wearing the mask in the first place he knew something was wrong w him but he didnt want anyone to know even tho they would most likely help him he was ashamed that he was different in the first place so he started wearing the mask once the other eyes showed up. and i think that the god would talk to dream similarly to how technos voices work yk? except its just the one voice instead of many many small ones. and again with the mask thing when he lost to tommy and they took him in, part of his mask broke to the point where u could see just a bit of the right side of his face but enough to see that it Wasnt Right there were two eyes where there shouldve been one and spots on his cheeks bright enough to resemble stars and where the color of his pupil should have been is just a sickeningly neon green with nothing else behind it. so they let him keep the mask even tho they already know something is wrong but it clearly makes him Very Distressed when asked to remove the mask or told to give it up. blah blah blah god harassing its host bc it got them caught and thrown in a prison and dream goes ever so slightly insane having to share a mind and body with a literal ancient god w a vendetta against everything hes built whos forced him to sacrifice everything he loved and cared for out of fear yk the usual prison shit and then techno comes a long and breaks him out or whatever but on their way back to his house he drops a really cryptic line abt how 'its nice to see an old friend again' and 'i thought i got rid of u for good last time' and dream is just ???? what are u talking about?? weve never been friends and youve never gotten rid of me? what. until techno spins around and just 'im not talking to you im talking to the thing inside u' or whatever and dreams eyes flash some brilliant gold or sumn and boom this is ur fellow god speaking how may i help you and dream xd (that feels so wrong to say but) and techno bond or well ig just talk abt how the past centuries have gone and ig while xd is fronting (??? i think itd kinda be like DID in a sense w multiple people being able to front yk?) dream is in a sort of semi conscious state but still hears everything going on around his own body until hes thrown back into the drivers seat (i think that xd would only be able to front for short periods of time due to the vessel n shit that makes sense right) and hes so confused someone please help him hes just a dude who happened to get possessed by a god someone help him so when they finally get back to technos house he sits dream down and explains the best he can without literally melting dreams brain. which would also play into the 'technoblade never dies' bc hes. literally a god. mortals cant kill him unless they have idk some sort of super weapon idk and blah blah blah xd gets what they want and finally has the ability to leave finally leaving dream literally the shell of a man with no home friends materials or anything with techno to basically take care of him until he reaches some semblance of stability again (which would take ages, realistically (wdym realistically) going from normal, to a god sharing a body with you and speaking in you brain living as a single being together and hearing their thoughts, to back to normal but with all the memories of what you did and what they made you do and also no more god speaking in ur head it would take a hot sec to recover from) so he lives with techno (whos, not to mention, another god) for a while until he can fend for himself again and after a good year or so passes and no one hears from dream they start to look for him and see what happened bc he went from the biggest threat on the server to just. gone. no one knows where he went after whatever he did and they want closure. is he dead?? who knows. so george and sap set out looking for him and decide to ask techno for help since hes good w directions n shit also he was the last person to see dream alive so he might have an idea of where he is and they walk up to his house and knock on his door and techno opens it and just stares at them he knows who they are, dreams talked about them before but hes never met them really so he talks to them, getting through the polite hellos how are yous before sap finally asks 'do you know what happened to dream? no one knows where he went and we just want closure' techno huffs and tells them to wait there he (this is the basement door im using his arctic tundra house in my head) goes down the ladder to the second basement, they can hear him talking to multiple people (ranboo phil dream) but cant tell who everyone is before coming back up the ladder, back to the door. he tells them to wait outside he needs to get something first (its dream hes getting dream) theyre standing out by carls stable when the door creaks open and dream steps out looking around for who the fuck could possibly be looking for them he betrayed everyone and most people thought he was dead who could possibly be here asking for himself and not ranboo or philza and when he steps out, his green hoodie (memento made by ranboo to help him cope w the loss of the voice in his head) catching the morning light off the snow and he was happy and then he saw them standing by the house hed grown to call home at least for now he breaks. he missed them so so much it hurt. he never expected to see them ever again much less them come looking to see him but hes scared he realizes he doesnt know what to say there is nothing to say he fucked them all over he ruined everything and then hes being hugged. they missed him too. they dont forgive him jsut yet but they missed him and thats enough for him right now. the three of them stand there just being in each others presences and techno creaks the door open to make sure they arent trying to kill each other and sighs and leans against the frame smiling. hes happy again and thats the best he can do for him. he invites them all in and offers to explain everything to them to try and ease the blame off of dream bc in all honesty it was his fault but xd made it far far worse that it should have been (a bit late but foot note abt xd i think that they would be an idle god until someone w intense feelings of powerlessness and insecurity like awoke them from their techno induced slumber and inhabited dream to help him fulfill his desires for power and control) and by the time he and dream are finished its late at night and sap and george are ??? so u were possessed by a god who techno killed centuries ago in a duel and it amplified ur feelings of insecurity and ur thirst for control to the point of isolating urself from us and destroying everything everyone cared abt?? also technos an ancient god who lusts for bloodshed but also makes turtle farms in his free time?? are we getting this right????? and techno and dream are just yea thats abt it glad this all made sense then they all go to bed (its a small house dream has a lil shack like ranboos and sap and george somehow slept over there for the night) and in the morning sap and george leave again but promise to come back, they still arent ready to forgive and forget bc even tho it wasnt all his fault his emotions getting away from him is what caused this all in the first place so they do need time to process now that they know he isnt dead and dream continues to live near techno in almost full independence and eventually moves back with his friends even tho many still hate him. hes happy and for now thats enough. another foot note; even after xd leaves his being, he still has the extra eyes, glowy freckles n is xtra tall n shit that cant just be reversed but now that hes himself again these things take their tolls on human bodies so i think hed have something at least similar to arthritis bc of how his bones were literally manipulated bc of how strong ethereal magic or whatever is. so he would still wear the broken mask but he takes it off now and is ok with it being off hes working on getting better now that hes himself again and everyone living w/by techno is helping him with that. also i think that he would get blinks of xd's memories like from when techno was killing them and have sumn like ptsd panic attacks from it and techno feels super guilty abt it but theres literally nothing he can do except apologize and after the first few times dream stopped him from apologizing bc it is his fault but he didnt do it to him so it doesnt matter to dream at least and they live in pretty much harmony until dream finally moves back in w george and sap the end. he also started wearing the mask in the first place bc of the extra eyes but he played it off as being uncomfortable around new people and not wanting them to know what he looked like until he trusted them (bc that literally makes sense irl how funky is that) so sap and george never pushed him and when they caught him without it on on the rare occasion they wouldnt pressure him to leave it off or anything even tho they already knew what he looked like (when they respect ur boundaries </3) they just assumed that it was insecurity (it was but also mans had like 3 eyes so) and just left him alone

[blookmallow]

workin on skyrim houses.... i am steadily amassing all real estate in skyrim lmao

most of this is super old news now but i never got around to posting it so 

i hate that bag back there so much every single time i see it i think its a person for half a second 

moved my family to solitude and everyone seems happy 

fuck YES this is the kind of room worthy of my beautiful children 

i got TWO MORE MANNEQUINS who are both very unruly and frequently refuse to stand where they’re supposed to but i at least haven’t seen them move,

what is this room down here??? is my housecarl sleeping here?? why doesn’t she get a bed this place is enormous. lydia gets a bed. argis gets a bed. what the fuck is this nonsense 

also i built an alchemy lab for my wife bc she used to be an apothecary’s assistant and i thought she might like it and I DO ACTUALLY SEE HER USING IT which makes me enormously happy 

i dont know if your spouse just always makes use of the things in the house or if its a particular characteristic for muiri or not but i like to think she appreciates my efforts 

im not using this house for a whole lot yet its mostly for my family 

this isnt related to houses i dont know why this is in here but i dont feel like moving it, anyway this guy was offering what he clearly described as “meat pies” at the fire festival but then it turned out to be apple, which is probably because apple pies are the only ones that actually exist in the game’s coding as far as ive ever seen/they probably wanted to avoid this being The World’s Rarest Pie or something but its still :’) odd 

time to BUILD AN ENTIRE HOUSE!!!!! by MYSELF!!!!! 

I HAVE A COW!!!! LOOK AT HER!!!! COW 

i dont have a lot of progress shots of the falkreath property but it took a Very Long Time :’ ) its coming along great now though i think i just have a couple more things in the basement and it’ll be totally finished 

check out this sickass taxidermied skeever i got 

yEAH!!!!! SKELETON!!!! YEEAAHHHH

as it turns out, though, owning a house outside of the city is, uh. apparently very dangerous, because, in addition to the giants constantly going after my cows, 

SKEEVERS

I DIDNT KNOW THEY COULD GET IN THE BASEMENT 

man you dont really fully appreciate the size of these fuckers until they’re in your goddamn HOUSe

i didnt REMOTELY expect them to be in here so i didnt even notice them for a good few minutes, i was just like. fucking around sorting things or something when i suddenly noticed Movement 

for half a confused second i thought they were just like, hanging out and was momentarily very pleased with the new friends i had obtained before they all started attacking me :’) 

had to kill them, which is a shame because i would have absolutely loved to have random skeevers hanging out in my basement. why must we fight 

this also meant my basement was full of skeever corpses for a bit until they despawned lmao

but, ok, rats in the basement, giants getting in your yard, thats like, understandable hazards, i guess, but falkreath was not done with me yet

I HAD BANDITS COME BARGING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE

ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO DO THIS???? THEY CAN JUST DO THIS????

you have the option to move your family in to this house if you want to and im fucking glad i didnt, children cant be harmed as far as i know but they could’ve come in here and fuckign murdered my wife 

I MEAN I UNDERSTAND THATS. THE WAY THINGS ARE SOMETIMES IN A PLACE LIKE SKYRIM BUT COME ON NOW

aNYWAY, i and my. snarky dark elf friend from solstheim who was with me at the time killed them all and there wasnt much in this room so nothing important got knocked over or anything, i dont know where the fuck lydia was during all this bc she’s supposed to be guarding this house and she didnt do shit, but 

ALRIGHT. SURE. MY HOUSE IS FULL OF CORPSES AND THERES BLOOD SPLATTERED EVERYWHERE BUT ITS FINE EVERYTHINGS FINE WE’RE FINE 

the corpses and the blood disappeared the next time i came back here but. god :’) 

i bought the windhelm property a while ago and forgot about it/didn’t want to remodel it bc i didnt want to lose the fuckign butcher crime scene but finally decided to investigate it 

unless you choose to pay to have it cleaned up you do Not in fact lose the crime scene. you could potentially move your kids in here and still have blood everywhere. i m losing it 

welcome to my lovely home 

i feel like theres somehow MORE blood in here than there was before but i dont remember 

you can remodel the secret room into an alchemy lab without removing the murder debris which is VERY funny to me 

also very kind of the windhelm steward or whoever remodeled this for me to provide me with fuckign black soul gems,

arent these like. illegal

one of my mannequins got stuck in this ridiculous pose for a while and the helmet is absolutely not helping lmao 

[defensematrix]

red dead redemption 2 spoilers //  rdr2 spoilers 

okay...... so.. ow

i finished the main storyline two days ago and then finished the epilogue last night

i have been spoiled for a lot but it was NOTHING like how i expected tbh. i knew that “arthur dies from tuberculosis” and i was really dreading it bc like, right before the game came out on PC i went through a really shitty period where my 14 yr old dog slowly died from some kind of lung infection he couldnt fight off, and my mom didnt want to put him down so he ended up dying at home, and i dont want to get too graphic but basically what i was expecting was a similar thing happening to arthur where he eventually is just too sick to go on and has to lay down and die

which like, yeah technically that happens but a big factor is also the fact that while he was fighting a potentially fatal illness he was forced to do so fucking much for dutchs insane "plan” and then got beaten within an inch of his life by micah “living bottle of hot piss” bell

and i got “”spoiled”” when i was looking up treasure map stuff and saw the phrase “over by where you kill micah” so i was like ok cool, i will get to kill this bitch and all his taunting about arthur being ill wont matter bc hes gonna die first but HAHA OBVIOUSLY THATS NOT WHAT HAPPENED. i feel like the whole micah thing was less satisfying bc i had to play John Marstons Heterosexuality Simulator for several hours before actually dealing with him

but i will save the rest of that for a separate epilogue post i think, anyway

i started crying when i realized i had just said goodbye to charles, and i started crying again when you send jack and tilly off, and then REALLY started crying when that music that plays when you say bye to sadie and abigail started playing. the fucking music throughout the whole ending + the credits is so heart wrenching and i think the opening notes to “thats the way it is” will make me sad for the rest of time

also the fucking. horse scene. i was on buell for that so it was extra painful but it just gets me that arthur was being screamed at to keep moving bc they were being chased and he had to stop everything to say thank you and make sure this creature wasnt alone when it went and aughuhjgkhfkgjh ITS MAKING ME CRY......

also i went through the entire game on high honor so i never realized that the deer transition scenes were reflective of that until i went to look up alternate endings, which in retrospect makes that last shot of the deer so fucking emotional for me like idk, the artists and animators did a really good job on it where the animal looks like its fucking proud of you?? like its glad you made it on its side or idk i might be overemotional and reading into things

i was kind of stressed out during the end bc im bad at brawling in general but i do like that arthur went down fighting. like that sort of gave him more agency i think and let him have some meaning in his death

i was gonna make one more point bc i have charthur brain worms but then i realized that should be another post. anyway im sad about arthur and i already want to start the game all over again

[bluesfm]

(  park  chaeyoung  ,  twenty two  ,  &  cisfemale  )  who  ?  these  days  ,  it’s  all  about    blue hyong,  who  comes  from    los  angeles  &  ca    and  is  making  headlines  as  a    singer    .    she   currently  has  a  fan  count  of  42k    ,  no  thanks  to  the  rumors  of  them  being  inflexible  !  but  ,  on  the  other  hand  ,  their  most  devout  fans  say  they’re  actually    imaginative    .  last  i  heard  ,  they  caused  quite  a  buzz  when    she   publicly   dissed    her  new   record    label  and   the   misogynistic  treatment   she  was   receiving   from   their  reps  !  it’s  no  wonder  they  remind  me  of    long   rants   in  the  notes  app   being  posted   to  her   twitter  account  ,  empty  bottles   of  wine  laying  at   recording   studios’   floors   &  notebooks   upon  notebooks   filled  with   lyrics   she  might   never  use   but   refuses   to   let   go  of   .  

well hello human friends !! n also hello to the non human friends too , wassup . i’m angie a  dumb  noodle  from  the  middle  of  the  south  american  jungle  , and i’m here to introduce yall to this mess i call blue  who’s  a muse i have had  for yrs now n carry w/ me wherever i go , with some minimal changes but she’s still the  same  messy  bitch  on the  inside  don’t  worry  folks !  so   i  will   provide  u w/  some  background  info  on   her  n  some   possible connections  under   the  cut . issa  lil messy  but  we’ve   been  away  for  a while   pls  bear  w me

blue  is  the  only  daughter  to  a  couple   of  south  korean  immigrants  that  came  to   america  when  they  were  in  their  very  early  20s  n  already  expecting  blue  in  order  to  chase  the  american  dream  n  create  a  better  life  for  themselves  n  their  family  .  their  life  was  pretty  hard  for  a  big  part  of  blue’s  childhood  ,  while  they  were  both  studying  n  working  odd  jobs  to  pay  for  their  education  all  the while  taking  care  of  a child .  so  blue  didnt  have  the  best  childhood  ,  not  that  her parents  were  bad  or  anything  they  just  didnt  have  time  for  her  . nowadays  ,  they  are  a  lot  more  comfortable  in  life  ,  since  her  dad  became  a  lawyer  n  her  mom  is  a  nurse  ,  but  they  definitely  didnt  have  an  easy  beginning  .

ok  so  maybe  bc  they  werent  present  durant  most  of  her  childhood  they  didnt  notice  a  lol  of  signs  that  might  have  made  things  a  lot  easier  for  them  ,  bc  by  the  time  they  were  available  to  emotionally  be  there  , during  her  early  teenage  years ,  blue  was  already  kinda  a  mess . she  had  grown  up  w  very  lil  structure  n  refused  the  rules  they  tried  to  instill  on  her  n  was  already  used  to  doing  things  her  own  way  .  that  lead  to  a  lot  of  conflict  between  them  ,  since  they  expected  her  to  study  hard  n  do  well  for  herself  in  a  nine to fiver  when  she  was  already  sure  art  was  the  only  way  to  go  n  while  she  did  ok  ,  she  definitely  wasn’t  as  good  as  her parents  expected  her  to  be .

so  ...  u  know   her  teenage  yrs  were  basic  girl  angsty  she  fought  a  lot  w  her  parents  n  rebelled  frequently  n  ran  away  from  home  like  ...  weekly  ,  but  she  never  rly  had  any  real  hardships  .  life  was  reasonably  good  but  she  always  had  something  to  complain  abt  ...  just  as  she  liked

[  MENTAL  ILLNESS  TW  ]

but  then  she  reached  her  late  teens    they  all  realized  there  was  something  going  on  other   than  the  usual  teenage  angst  she  displayed  all the time  when  she  had  her  first  manic  episode  .   her  parents  thought  it was  a  “  blue  thing  “  at  first  bc  she  was  usually  a  very  impulsive  person  n  she  rly  didn’t  have  a  habit  of  thinking  before  acting  on  her  impulses  ,   but  her  mom  quickly  noticed  the  signs  of  a  manic  episode  when  she  realized  how  aggitated  n   restless  she  was  , specially  when  blue  described  an   hallucination  she  seemed  to  be  having  .   they  took  her  to  a  psychiatrist  ,  she  was  admitted  to  a  hospital  n  diagnosed  w  type 1  bipolar  disorder  n  very  quickly  medicated .  while  the  medication  brought  her  out  of  her  episode  ,  n  she  was  allowed  to  go  home  after  her  mood  seemed  to stabilize  ,   blue  also  noticed  it  stunted  her  severely  emotionally  n  decided  (  against  medical  n  parental  advice  [  pls  dont  do  it  fam  !!  take  ur  meds  ]  )  to  quit  her  medication  ,  falling  into  her  first  major  depressive  episode  a  few  weeks  afterwards  . n  for  abt  four  years  she’s  been  living  w  her  disorder  ,  n  she  doesn’t  medicate  at  all  .  she’s  super  open  abt  her struggles  n  she  has  a  Lot  of  them  ,  specially  w  how  much  drugs  n  alcohol  she  consumes  .   i  never  said  she  was  smart  yall  .

[  END  OF  TW  ]

ok  so  as  u  probably  assume  ,   blue  is  an  emotional  mess  .  she  has  a   very  chaotic  personality  ,  n  most  of it  isnt  even  from  her  illness or  anything  she  just  is  a  very  chaotic  person  in  general  ?  she  is   one  of  those  artsy  ppl  who  forgets  to  wash  her  own  clothes  so  she  ends  up  wearing  the  same  dress for  like  ,  3 days .  she’s  super  outspoken  n  outgoing  n  rly easy  at  making  friends  if  u  can  get  past  the  dumbass energy  she  exudes 24/7  ?  but  yes  just  a  very  outgoing  person  n  a  outright  mess  most  of  the  time  .  she  is  also  soooo stubborn  u  will  never  get  her  to  change  her  mind  abt  smth  she  believes  to  be  right  about  in  any  way  .  u  just  cant  .  she  loves  a  good  time  n  loves  partying  n  is  the  lack  of  impulse  Queen  soo if  u  got  any  bad  ideas  she  is  the  one   u  should  go  for  if  u  need  any  company  .  also .... so dramatic  .  she  makes  a  big  deal  of  everything  n  has  0  apologies  abt  that  .  just  catch  her  crying  over  high  school  musical  3  or  smth  like  that  .

but  yea  on  the  bad  side  tho  ,  blue  takes  up  n  gives  up  on  projects  so  easily  n  she  can  be  super  fickle  abt  things  in  general  .  like  ,  she  will  defend  an  idea  for  7  hours  but  2  days  later  she’s  already  onto  smth  else  n  doesnt  even  remember  being  so  obsessive  abt  that  other  thing  ?  a  mess .  is  also  Quite  abrasive  ?  if  she  thinks  ur  acting  dumb  shes  not  gonna  be  scared  to  call u  out  on  it  .  can  also  have a  Reaally  explosive  temper  .  not  usually  but  specially  during  manic  episodes  she  can  be  quite  easy  to  annoy  ngl  .  is  very  unreliable  ,  especially  if ur not  too  close  ..  tbh  that  is  something  connected  to  her  disorder  .  when  she’s  on  a  manic  episode  ,  she  will be  too busy  planning  things  she  will  never  get  around  to  doing  or  painting  her  entire  house  or  spending  3  days  awake  n  drunk  writing  17  songs  by  herself  .  n  during  her  depression  is  very  hard  to  get  her  to  do  anything  n  even  if  she  feels  terrible  , she  rly  cant be  an  available  friend  .

in  regards  to  her  sexuality  ,  she’s  an  open  bisexual  and   also  is  a  crazy  romantic  n  falls  so  hard  for  literally  no  reason .  but  like  ...  doesnt  have  the  healthiest  mentality  for  relationships  ?  not  like  in  a  toxic  way  but  she  will usually  give  145%  of  herself  at  all times  n  honestly  believes  all  of  the  ppl  she  falls  for  are  the one (1)  just  wants  to  make  things  work  no  matter  what  .  she’s  v  impulsive  w/  meeting  n  falling  for  ppl  tho  so  things  dont  rly  end  up  working  n  she  always  ends  up  heartbroken  over it  .  Well  .  At least she’s  trying  right  ?

in regards  to  her  career  n  art  , she’s  posted  youtube  covers  n  original  songs  for  a  couple  years  and  gathered a  decent  following  ?  she  wasnt  huge  or  anything  but  she  did  get  a  record  deal  w  an  actual  big  label  out  of  it  a  few  months  ago  .  blue  was  pretty  happy  abt  it  but  then  when  the  recording  process  started  she  realized  they  werent  treating  her  as she  thought  she  deserved  at  all  ?  which  resulted  on her  taking  her  thoughts  to  some  reps  of  the  label  n  when  she  didn’t  feel  any  difference  in  the  way  she  was  being  treated  she  took  it  to  the public  ?  which  definitely  caused  quite a  sitr  bc  she  wasn’t  a  huge  name  but  she  was  big  enough  ?  so  now  she’s  in  some  considerable  trouble  w  her  label  but  Also  more  famous  than  ever  so  they  are  choosing  not  to  bury  her  for  now  ?  she’s  in  some  definite  trouble  though  so  it’ll  be  fun  to  see  what  happens  next  n  what  her  moves  will be  ?  spoiler  alert :  it’ll prob  be  smth  dumb.

i  still have  so  much  to  say  but  i’m  so lazy  wow .  dont  start  ur  intros  so  close  to opening  time  folks  thats  my  tip  as  an  old  internet  auntie  .  OK SO  ONTO  SOME  CONNECTIONS  NOW  

some label  mates  who  she  may  or  may  not  get  along  with  ?

hookups !!  she  prob  has  a  few  she  regrets  too   bc  who  doesnt  am i  right

best  friends !!  ppl  who  actually  support  her  n  she  loves  w  no restrictions  just  love  all  around  friends

exes </3  not  gonna  lie  i  have  some  sad  ideas  abt  this  one

good  influence  bc  blue  is  a  mess she  needs  one  of  those  pls  someone  slap  her  head  n  make  her  drink  some  water

a  fling  she  has  feelings  for  but  may  not  be  requited  ...  i  like  my  romantic  connections  to  be  angsty  did yall  notice

artistic  soulmate  !!  someone  her  artistic  bitch  side  just  vibes  with  ?  could  be  a  songwriter  or  singer or  anything  tbh

some   indecisive  romantic   shit where blue rly  knows  sh’s  too messy  n  this  person  is too amazing ?  but  they still  have  feels  so   ... now  what ?

this is  p  mcuh  it ??  it  has  taken so long  to  finish  this  i  hate  myself  but  HEY  if  u  like  blue  or  dislike  her  u  should  hit  me  up  so  we  can  come  up  w  some  plot  ideas  ?  i wish  i  had  a  quirky  goodbye  idea  but  my  brain  has  just  quit  working  guys  so  u  get  nothing  from  me  other than  a  good  old  fashioned goodbye  thanks  for ur  attention  i  love u

[shakespearean-tc]

Last day of school post?

Originally posted July 3rd, 2019 Ok so i guess it wasnt my official last dayof school but it was like a month ago and i decided to,,, talk about it??? since i never did and it was literally like ugh my heART this is basically more stuff about A so if you arent interested ignore this post

So,,, the last day that i really went to school was this thing that ,,,, idk if other schools do it but its lagoon day where the seniors go to Lagoon and like half the teachers go to chaperone, right??? So i got there early because I always get to school early and I saw a familiar mess of brown hair and i just got hype??? My heart practically did the happy emote and he turned around and smiled really big and he was like “M!!!! Hi!” and he waved and stuff then he went up the stairs because he was heading to the class he was subbing for (that was before class)

Later my friends came to school and i was just kinda sitting there being a dork and daydreaming and then i was like “OH YEAH A is here!!!” and my theatre friend was really happy yknow and we jsut talked for a while and i was like “man i wish he was subbing for my french teacher, but i know hes not because she didnt hire a substitue because she knew like no one would come” and so i got a little sad but yknow i knew id see him at lunch and stuff

well the bell rang and i headed up stairs to the french room and it was empty from what i saw so i popped my head in and GUESS WHO WAS SITTING AT THE DESK

YUP YOU GUESSED IT

So i played it cool because i can totally do that yknow and just kinda leaned against the doorframe and i was like “well, fancy seeing you here.” and he looked up and smiled again and laughed and he was like “are you following me?” and i laughed and sat down in my desk and i asked him how he was etc etc and we jsut talked for a while until the bell rang signaling that class was to start but??? no one walked in??? and so i was talking to him when two of my friends walked in and stuff and so we just?? sat and played cards all period long?? i say this but we actually (A and I) broke into song because I mentioned this musical I really love (Hadestown) and A kinda stared at me for a minute and his eyes went wide and the conversation went as such:

A: “Wait, you like Hadestown?” Me: “Yeah? I LOVE Hadestown.” A: “I… I love Hadestown too! I just didn’t know that anyone liked it.” Me: “Okay, wait- What’s your favorite song?” A: “Well, Way Down Hadestown is SUPER great, but the one I really love is Wait for Me or Hey, Little Songbird. I wish I had Patrick Page’s voice. What about you?” Me: “Hey, Little Songbird is literally one of my favorites. Also same?? I wish I could sing as good as anyone in the cast.” A: *he smiled and started singing it (his vocal range is tenor so he hiked up the key and we changed the tune a bit because yes)*

So we literally ran around the room singing Hey, Little Songbird and like, 17 other songs from miscellaneous musicals. My other friends joined in too and it was so much fun

Obviously, we were still in school, and so that class period had to end ;-; I had Physics next and I was whining to him how I really didn’t want to go. He turned to me and said “Listen. You’ve gotta go to class M. If you actually get permission from your teacher to come back, then fine. But I don’t want you to skip class because you missed me.” I agreed, begrudgingly and headed to Physics, which was literally across the hall.

I went in talked to my teacher and was back in the french room in like under 15 minutes

The classroom was empty and he was just sitting at the teachers desk playing pokemon on his frigging nintendo ds and i laughed and he looked up and was like “oh hey, i didnt think you’d be back” i told him my physics teacher told me i could leave since,,, she doesnt really like me and i had already done everything i needed to do like fr its the end of the school year why would she want me to hang out in her class for an hour???

anyway i hopped up onto the table and we just,,, talked??? about everything??

I told him I was super bummed about school ending and not being able to go to Drama class everyday. He told me he was worried because him and his girlfriend were having a lot of issues lately and he was struggling with knowing to stick it out or just break it off. I told him that I was not gonna influence his decision whatsoever, but that whatever he chose,,, he needed to keep in mind that HIS mental and physical health was the most important at this point. We eventually brushed that subject away because I told him I would be of no help at all bc,,, ive like never been in a healthy relationship so i didnt know what was right and what was wrong - i dont remember how but i think he asked me how class was going and what classes i was going to be happy to be done with and i was like “hOOOO BOI HISTORY CLASS fOR SURE” and he kinda laughed and was like,,, “what why”

and i just weNT OFF telling him how trashy of a class it was and that no one would pay attention and that my teacher would always rant about democrats and liberals and just say all this garbage about how trashy immigrants were and etc etc and he just sighed and he apologised that i had to deal with a teacher like that and we started to talk about some prick in that class that went off about how rape isnt rape if she doesnt outright say no

me and A just,,, bonded over mutual disgust for this kid haha

anyway after that i just kinda,,, decided to lay down on the table bc i was tired and i kinda sighed and stared at the ceiling. I think A could tell something was up with me because he asked me what was wrong and I kinda gave him a “nothing is wrong im fine” kinda mumbled response. of course this is A and he obviously knew i was lying so he asked me again and i jsut kinda started to choke up and I sat up with tears in my eyes. Immediately he was like, “Omg what’s the matter whats up” and I just,, broke down and told him I was super worried about my friend who he knows as well. I told him that I was stressed and that I felt like our friendship was mostly one sided. That I was just there because… I was the one that put everything into our friendship and instead of her giving AND taking as well, it was just her taking and taking and i was left in the dust. I basically poured my heart out to him and told him that I didn’t want to break things off because I didn’t want to hurt her but I told him that my mental health was suffering gREATLY. Of course, he took my advice and shoved it back into my face. It went something like this,,, A: “You need to take care of yourself. You. Come. First. You put everyone else before you, and that’s such an admirable trait, but you need to take care of yourself as well. Your mental health is in danger because you refuse to put yourself first. And you need to. At least, every once in a while. Anyone is lucky to have you care so deeply for them, but… you need to step back and be selfish for a while.” (I kind of flinched when he said selfish, because I have a big issue with that word, and I guess he noticed) “Why do you- You don’t like that word. Selfish. You don’t like it, do you?” Me: “I just… I’ve been called selfish a lot by my family and past friends and romantic… partners…? I don’t like it at all.” A: “You? Selfish?” *he laughs* “Bull. You’re one of, if not THE most selfless people I know. Listen to me. It is OKAY to be selfish sometimes. Not all the time, yeah. But you need to take care of yourself.” Me: “I just… I love my friends so much that I… I’d rather that I be miserable and they be happy, because… then they’re happy. Y’know?” A: *he smiles, but I think it was kinda a sad smile because his eyes looked a little tearful* “M. You have a heart of gold.That’s rare nowadays. In my opinion, it’s a blessing and a curse. You just need to learn to take care of yourself. You are the most important person in your life.” The conversation kind of… fizzled out after that emotional,,, discussion but we did talk about college and I asked him a lot about being a student teacher. The bell rang, we said goodbye and??? That was really it? I visited him at lunch and we ate and talked a lot more because I had a bunch of questions about college (i’ve been thinking about going to the same college that he is because they have a really good teaching program) but that was,,, pretty much it. School’s been over for a while and I just asjdfajf i miss him a lot this post was so  long super super sorry haha have a good day i guess??? end of the post??? how do i finish this whatever goodbye yall haha

[nintxndos]

an nsfw ask meme (hide ur eyes kiddos)

I was looking through my blog and saw I answered this ask meme back in 2016 and the answers are preeetttyyyy different so I thought i would give it a go again

1. Are you a virgin? nope havent been for a hot minute now

2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size? Yes ive mentioned it to my bff a few times lmfao

3. Do you know anyone who has any STDs? Yeah my fucking dad (actually it may have been an sti but still)

4. Were you married when you first lost your virginity? nope lmfao

5. Do you swear under celibacy? nah man

6. When did you first lose your virginity? If you haven't, when would you like to? ugh back in 2016 not a good time tbh

7. Have you ever gotten tricked into aphrodisiacs or alcohol for sex? nope

8. Have you walked in on someone masturbating/having sex? Yeah my parents when I was 5 amd I still remember it vividly

9. Have you ever seen someone masturbate or have sex with their permission? yes I quite enjoy it tbh

10. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex? the couch in my boyfriends parents house when everyone was home

11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex? car sex bc I dont want grass in my asshole

12. When was the age you first masturbated? Whether you knew it or not? probably 14 or 15

13. Have you ever helped someone "finish"? yes I really love it too

14. Have you ever had an erection in the past month? (clitorial counts, too) I dont know?

15. When was the last time you have had an erection? (clitorial counts, too) didnt know this was a thing tbh lmfao

16. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? gonna take a guess and say no

17. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) clitoral

18. What is your bra/penis size? 38DD

19. Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself or a family member? yes

20. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? a boys dick ayyy

21. Do you like rough sex or intimate sex better? rough sex gets me fucked UP (though intimate is nice too)

22. When was the last time you masturbated? uhhh 2 days ago maybe?

23. When was the last time you had sex? god two weeks ago and im dying i swear

24. When was the last time you watched porn? a few days ago maybe

25. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? yes i have y first was a little blue bullet and the most recent is a vibrating dildo

26. Guys: Circumsized? not male

27. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? thighs and neck fuckkk

28. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? the clit baby!!

29. Girls: Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? nope though wow good for the ladies who can

30. What color/type of underwear are you wearing? blue panties and a floral bra

31. Have you ever sent someone a picture or video of you in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? absolutely

32. Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website? Did it include sexual actions? nope

33. Have you ever anonymously sent/posted a picture or video of yourself in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? nope

34. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? nope

35. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? maybe a week or so ago?

36. Which wet dream was your favorite? not sharing lmfao

37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? well im currently dating my best friend of 7/8 years

38. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? yes

39. Have you ever masturbated with someone? yeah

40. Have you ever took a shower with someone that is not a family member? no :'----( I dont even wanna fuck in the shower I just want my back washed

41. Favorite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you? honestly i love missionary

42. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? Fuck yes

43. Are you into any BDSM? god yeah

44. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? yes because we live 3 hours away 😪😪

45. Turn on's? choking, spanking, being called names, ropes

46. Turn off's? age play is a no go

47. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? Was it about anyone other than your lover? yes i have and since we started dating absolutely not

48. Have you ever had phone sex? Video sex? Chat box sex? yes like all the time the (since he lives 3 hours away)

49. What was the weirdest thing that has ever turned you on? uhhh I cant think of anything right now tbh

50. Do you like dirty talk? oh fuck yeah

51. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? usually quiet bc i have to but I love being loud for my boyfriend

52. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? yeah someone came downstairs and started yelling abt something, also my bf and I were fucking on the couch and the remote fell over

53. Most embarressing sex/masturbation story? god my exs mom walked in right after I gave him a blow job and she was like "what are you kids doing?"

54. Most hilarious sex/masturbation story? bruh my bf and i were trying to fuck and we had to watch his sisters dog (like in the room) and she started trying to sniff his ass it was so fucking funny he jumped off me

55. What kind of porn do you like to watch? I dont really watch porn anymore tbh

56. First type of porn you have ever watched? (ie. lesbian, hentai, threesome) leabian for sure

57. What was the most recent type of porn you have ever watched? What category was it under? uhhh threesome I think

58. Most hilarious/stupidest porn you have ever watched? dude this man had a pizza around his dick and the chicks grandpa deadass had a heartattack and she still rode him

59. Have you ever fantasized over someone older than you? How much older? Younger? How much younger? chris evans tbh (older by a hot second)

60. Favorite sex toy (if any)? I quite like my purple dildo

61. Have you ever had to break up with/divorce someone because you weren't satisfied with their sex? nah

62. Have you ever used anything/gotten any surgeries to improve sexual performance/feel? nope and probably never will

63. If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower? yes for my boyfriend anytime but not for any of yall sorry

64. Have you ever told someone any wet dreams/fantasies you've had about them? yes my bf is a fan of them

65. Do you like to have sex like they do in pornos? no bc I have real orgasms (finally!!!)

66. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? yes I tell my bf and we have phone sex at least once a week

67. Are you able to be secretive when you masturbate? (like able to be quiet so no one can hear?) yeah I kinda have to

68. When was the first time you achieved orgasm? when i was 15 I was literally sitting on a closed toilet in my house bc I shared a room at the time w my sister so i had no choice

69. Is there only one way so far that you have been able to achieve orgasm? (ie. only by using toys, only from 1 positon,only from masturbating a certain way) nah I can do clitoral, clitoral/penatrative, and just penetration

70. Favorite type of oral? the kind w his tongue on my pussy?

71. Strangest sexual positon you've tried? havent really done any strange positions

72. Have you ever made up a sexual postion? not that I'm aware of

73. Girls: During sex, vaginal or anal? vaginal i fucking hate anal

74. Girls: During masturbation, clitorial, vaginal, or anal? clitoral

75. Do you like to be dominant or submissive? I love being a whiny sub

76. Have you ever masturbated to someone? yes

77. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn't there when you needed them? god yes that is why I usually masturbate

78. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? yes and absolutely not

79. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? yes and no

80. Have you ever had sex with someone who wasnt your partner? not while we were dating no, but ive had sex w people who arent him

81. Has any of your partners had sex with someone else? yes

82. Have you ever gotten pregnant? Were they your lover's or someone else's? nope though ive had a scare or two

83. Birth control or condoms? birth control

84. Do you ever masturbate to porn? not really anymore

85. Does anyone know you masturbate? Did you have to tell them? yes and not really?

86. Did your parents ever find out you were sexually active? yup

87. Do you have any STDs? nope

88. Have you ever masturbated to a fictonal character or celebrity? yeah when i was like 15/16

89. Have you ever had sex during "7 minutes in heaven"? nope never even played bc its lame

90. Spit or swallow? Or do you not like oral? I swallow if he cums in my mouth but i love getting it on my faceeee

91. Have you ever been rejected for sex? Have you ever rejected someone else? nope and yes

92. Do you have someone who said they are willing to take away your virginity if you havent lost it by a set age or if you just want to have a good time? no

93. Have you ever experimented with the opposite sex? yes

94. When you first lost your virginity, was it intended or spontanious? intended bc thats the only way we ever had sex unfortunately

95. Has anyone ever walked in when you were taking a shower with someone? nah

96. Did you ever tell someone once you lost your virginity? yeah I literally called my best friend (current boyfriend)

97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated? yes

98. Does your lover know that you want to have sex with them but cant? yes!! we dont live together and we are constantly horny it sucks!!!!

99. Do you like masturbation? eh

100. (Asker's ask) If i were to ask you if we could have sex, would you say yes? nope sorry

[uniformbravo]

i have too many thoughts bouncing around in my head so uhhhh im gonna talk abt shit

welcome 2 episode 43647 of my shitty slice-of-life text post series

school tomorrow i dont wanna go!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! depressions been hitting me tf up like some kind of MotherFucker n im so tired i h8 both of my classes i just want 2 lie down & turn into the floor -______________-

read 12 chapters of fma yesterday its good............. i dont love it yet but im definitely entertained so far & looking forward to getting further into it

also started reading silver spoon & it turns out the things i hated in the 1st ep of the anime didnt even happen in the manga who fuckin knew (im sorry i doubted u arakawa) so im actually enjoying the series a lot more this second time around! though that’s probably partly because i got rly attached to the protag halfway through s2 & now i get to dig out all the little signs of his low sense of self-worth on the reread so like. im having fun lol (watching him react to being told about livestock being offed for under-performing just the smallest bit again is..... so good.......)

watched all of aggretsuko today, like the original 100 shorts & the new series, it was p good! i honestly never planned to watch it bc like. i hate death metal / screaming bc it gives me anxiety & i knew this show would aggravate that but idk i heard good things about it from literally everywhere so i was like w/e im in the mood today i’ll just try it out & i blasted through it and enjoyed it v much

i think i like the shorts better than the show but that might be bc i watched the shorts first & got used to their rhythm? but at the same time i feel like the concept generally works better as little 1-minute tidbits. the show is a bit awkward sometimes in comparison but it’s a v good adaption regardless. it was interesting to see the concept executed 2 different ways at least. v fun show!

mmmmm still working on my silan portrait kind of!! i took a break for 2 days because 1. depression and 2. i was a fucking fool and played a Lot of piano on thursday so that put me out of physical commission for 2 days (honestly i was still feeling it today but i rly wanted to get back to work before it started to fade into yet another unfinished project). so yeah i got back to work on it today, and made some decent progress i think!

i mentioned in my other post that im working in clip studio paint, a program im not used to painting in, and i’ve definitely been struggling trying to get used to all these weird brushes but i think im slowly coming to an understanding and finding a technique that works for me? there’s an “oil paint” brush that’s good for blending & previously i was trying to use only that, since in photoshop i never switched to other brushes, i only used the one (hard round). the oil paint brush being a blending brush though, it’s basically impossible to lay down any new color on top of the old ones because the new color automatically blends with the old ones instead of coming out pure, so as a result all of my shading was coming out super soft and light which is not the effect i’m going for

so i found that using a different brush to lay down color first and then going in with the oil to blend made a huge difference & i was finally able to get in the darker shadows i wanted, but there was still the problem of details because like. the oil brush blends rly soft and it makes everything look kind of fuzzy, and it’s especially hard to deal with small areas for details

so today i started experimenting with a “watercolor” brush, which is basically just a normal brush with low opacity, and i’ve found it’s a good kind of middle ground between blending and carving in details, so that gave me a lot more control and is probably the closest i’ve gotten to my old painting style when i was working in photoshop

this whole process has just been rly confusing & im sure there are easier ways to go about this but i know i’ll get the hang of it eventually & get some good use out of this program, & it’s good to experiment with new tools i guess so?? it’s all good?? i’ll be honest im getting tired & this topic is kind of getting away from me uhhhh in conclusion im still working on the thing & i dont know when i’ll be done but i’m gonna fuckin. Keep at it

back to aggretsuko for a sec, something i rly noticed was the ost is?? really good????? i wanted to listen to it while i drew but i couldnt find it on yt & that’s like the extent of my music search capabilities on the internet so im p sad abt that bc that was like my fave part of the show rip

instead i listened to houseki no kuni’s ost which is fuckin beautiful ugh i finished that show a few weeks ago & it was very very gorgeous, like. weird and disjointed and a little tangential but fuck if it’s not put together in such an artful way that i can forgive all of that like what a way to create an atmosphere what a way to adapt a fuckin manga?? i tried reading the manga a bit bc lets be honest that anime ending was super unsatisfying but it just?? wasnt the same??? theres something abt the show being a 3d show and having the music to accompany its visuals & the way they did the lunarians especially holy fuck, it’s a completely different experience watching the show vs reading the manga & now im sad bc i want a s2 rly rly bad,,,;;;

anyway i didnt mean to talk abt hnk so much lol uh. i ended up listening to the op a thousand times bc god when i say the music for this show is rly good i mean it, both the op & ed are fuckin great (speaking of the ed that gorgeous animation holy shit,) along with its super atmospheric bgm just. god

as a reward for anyone who read through all this shit lmao here listen to hnk’s op it’s super good i promise

also watch the ed lmfao trust me it was a gift benevolently bestowed upon my eyeballs and now so too shall it be upon thine

anyway im fuckin tired & i think that’s all i wanted to say so like. peace

[lostmystyx]

All the numbers

someone else sent me 18 but like im answering them all here (fifty years later) so

1. Do you have a chum handle? What does it mean?

i came up w geneticArticulate a while ago?? bc i thought i needed it to have The Letters yknow and i was pretentious but now if i had one itd be satansTherapist tbh

2. Is your username homestuck related/have you had one hs related?

this one isnt buuuut all my others are lmao

3. Do you call your s/o a matesprit?

nah ive picked up the word datemate from homestuck tho and thats pretty terrible but like its a good gender neutral word

4. Do you call your best friend your moirail?

what best friend tbh

5. Are you “kin” with any characters or commonly called a character?

i only have the slightest understanding of what kin even is

6. God Tier?

he ck i dont know man i bounce a lot but currently im thinking mb seer of heart?? not sure tho dont hold me to that

7. Do you make HS fanart?

SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION TIME @askthedirectoroftime @askmerdavesprite @askyourmergodhussie FOLLOW ME BITCHES

8. Do you make hs fanfiction?

yeahhhh but i dont post it v often if at all

9. Do you roleplay homestuck? where and how often?

all the time. constantly. its how i met u and its how i met dave n how i met cal and i love it a lot?? but parps kinda gone to shit lately and its getting harder and harder to score an rp, and i hate trying to rp on tumblr (not gonna promo my rp blogs bc theyre awful) bc of how much effort it takes to send a new reply, and on cherubplay everyone ditches your rp within a week. ive had discord recommended to me but i dunno how to get started on that thing. 

10. Do you cosplay homestuck characters? Who and where?

heck yeAH i do!! ive been trying to go to more and more cons this year, and im excited to do even more next year!! hopefully some meet ups too lmao. ive made so many super rad friends through cosplay and its been a really great experience so far. so far ive cosplayed… (gonna censor the names so it doesnt end up in the tags) s*llux, arad*a, vr*ska, god tier m*tuna, kurl*z, cr*nus, arad*asprite, d*vepetasprite, dave, god tier j*hn, rose, dirk, hal, bro, abro, dad, sp*des sl*ck (with the most lovely ms pa*nt), and i JUST finished my jude! im almost done w my tr*llcop s*llux and d*amonds dr*og, and im working on a*mless renegade! suuper excited to cosplay him tbhh. ive done a lot of group cosplays this year, like i did a beta/alpha kids group, sc*urge sisters, pa*ntslick, and a h*veswap group! i post my pictures on instagram, but i dont hand out my instagram to ppl i dont know personally and well.

11. Are you apart of ask blogs?

@askthedirectoroftime @askmerdavesprite @askyourmergodhussie fOLLOW ME I NEED ATTENTION

12. Are you in any homestuck groups?

what does this mean

i have,, groups of friends ive met through homestuck??

i have some cosplay groups??

i was once part of a two separate askblog groups and ditched them both bc i wasnt a fan??

ive never been a part of a hs discord server??

13. Favorite character?

fuCK idK i relate a lot to john and dave is my baby and i lOVE messing w abros character and d*vesprite is wonderful and dirks a loser and kark*ts a sweetheart but i dk man idk probably john or dave

14. Least favorite character?

f*feri. i think her character was brilliantly done but this fucking fandom doesnt know shit about her and i despise it. or, g*mzee, for the same general reason. mb kankr*, for the same general reason. i love all of the characters in homestuck, but some the fans have really made me hate seeing.

15. OTP?

d*vekat tbhhh but listen okay d*rkjohn, lately, has been my fucking everything give me the depressed assholes im here for it

16. NOTP?

any kinda pedophillia incestual bullshit pls get that out of my house i dont want it i dont like it go fuck urself but other than that catch me leaping away from that d*vejade i dont even have a good reason for why i dont like it i just?? dont for some reason 

17. BROTP?

hAL N D*VESPRITE PLS N THANKS

but i also lOVE psii and bro??? so much??? why isnt there more content tbh

and he ckin abro and (fanon) bro ofc is a wonderful thing that gives me life

18. Do you want homestuck to just die already?

nah

19. Are you following up with hiveswap? Do you play? Watch YT videos?

i bought it the day it came out and played it all and finished my jude cosplay the day after and me n two buddies did tr*zza xefr*s and jude on halloween and one of my pals is working on finishing her joey rn n were gonna do the thing joey is my sweet precious bby and jude is a Good Boy who deserves the best n u will pry this game from my cold dead hands

20. Tell us how homestuck has effected you in real life?

ohmygod ive met so many amazing friends through homestuck?? and i think ive found a really amazing community in the cosplay community, and cosplay has helped me a lot with making new friends and starting conversations with strangers and getting the courage to go to new things where i dont know anyone and navigating stuff on my own- and OFC, bc of my askblogs my art has improved so fucking much??? its actually insane?? and ive seen so many huge inspirations in this community that make me want to create more beautiful things every day

21. Have you met anyone through homestuck?

uh yEAH ive met t o n s of wonderful amazing ppl through homestuck and im not gonna list them all bc ive been here all day but i love them all and theyre amazing wonderful ppl whether i met them through roleplay or askblogs or cosplay or whatever u guys r wonderful

22. Have you left the fandom before?

nope im here forever

23. How many times have you read through it?

only the once tbh but ive been meaning to go back and read through it again and like,,, rlly study the characters u kno?? bc the fanon rlly makes u forget so much about what happened and also knowing how things end up rlly puts things in perspective when you go back

24. Did you ever skip intermissions/dialog/animations?

never and ppl who do need to get off my blog dont talk to me or my thousand green frog sons ever again

25. Opinions on the fandom?

there are so many amazing artists in this community that are rlly just amazing and inspiring and i love being here because of it, and ive met so many AWESOME fucking people through it, and i love going to cons as a homestuck just because of the instant community you find i think its beautiful. but, at the same time, there are a lot of awful nasty toxic fuckheads in this community who can frankly burn.

26. Opinions on the comic?

amazing?? glorious?? beautiful?? gay vampire n goth girl wedding?? canon nb chara?? aracial charas?? total freedom of hcs?? g ay?? approaching serious issues like child abuse and depression in a serious and healthy yet lighthearted way?? egg?? dealing with embarrassment related to past choices?? gay?? incredible music?? amazing art?? awesome animation?? stupid as hell?? amazingly flushed out and dynamic characters and relationships?? wonderful?? my everything??

27. Do you favor the trolls, humans, or carapaces?

i definitely have a serious leaning towards the humans im gonna be completely honest here what can i say im a sucker for them str*londes and my boy john

28. Favorite moment of all of homestuck?

just. the whole d*vekat arc. their relationship is so good n healthy n just?? aaaa?? oR. johns slow descent into depression. i cried. im a mess. but honestly also i love a lot of just the ridiculous bullshit at the beginning with john fucking around and how upset he gets over dumb things i love john

29. Least favorite moment of all of homestuck?

the whole mess with aran*a and jake and jane it was well done and i admire hussie so much but it was so well done that it made me uncomfortable reading it

30. Tell us a homestuck based story.

there was a tournament arena thing at a con i went to and i was playing sharks and minnows with a whole bunch of cosplayers but it had a twist and that twist was you tagged people with swords

imagine a whole bunch of nerds running back and forth in a fenced in rectangle with a line of nerds in the middle trying to smack them with swords

got that image in your head? good

so i was dressed as hal that day and me and a dirk were the only homestucks playing and we were totally into it and our characters and generally goofing off and going back and forth teasing each other yknow

and i was a shark and he went running by and i fucking nailed him right in the crotch (on accident) and he went fucking down (he was okay tho the sword was basically a pool noodle) and thats the time i hit a dirk in the dick with a sword as hal

31. How homestuck related is your blog?

sweats

[s0ftkwan]

reunions - yoongi

890 words

its been 2 months since you last saw yoongi

your break up was chaotic to say the least

it was raining on the day you finally said that enough was enough

ever since you could remember, yoongi had been giving out different reasons for not contributing to your relationship

when you wanted to go out for dinner, he would always tell you he was tired from his job

one night, you were writing an important paper for your class that needed to be submitted the following day

yoongi closed your laptop and tackled you onto the bed because ‘he needed you more’

you finally snapped though when your anniversary came around

and he completely forgot about it

seven fuckin years you think a guy would learn

he came into your apartment with his mint-colored hair wet from the strong rain outside

“geez its really raining cats and dogs out there ba–“

he shut up when he saw you in a fancy dress with a full face of makeup on

a confused expression was plastered on his face before it finally sunk in

“shit.... was that today?“

those four words were enough to send you through the roof with anger

you started cursing at him, yelling about how he’s never changed in the slightest ever since you started your relationship

he was still the same lazy, unmotivated man you met seven years ago

and so you leave

you take all of your clothes and belongings and shove them forcefully into one suitcase

also you take your dog

of course yoongi tries to plead with you and begs you to stay but nope. youre not having it

then youre gone

fast forward to two months later

the post-break up situation wasnt easy for both of you

you started seeing a man you met on tinder and even though he sounded pretty good on the app, he was a completely different person irl

he didnt bother learning anything about you and always liked to talk about himself, every opportunity that he got

whenever you went out with him, you just imagined what it would be like if it was yoongi standing in his place instead

then you start comparing him to your ex all the time

he didnt greet you good morning and bid you good night with chaste kisses on your face

he didnt intertwine his fingers in yours unconciously when you two walk down the street

he didnt crack punny jokes over dinner while you were drinking your water

he wasnt like yoongi at all

and you hated it

so you didnt even hesitate in breaking things off with him

yoongi on the other hand is struggling to make his life at least a little bit less pathetic

he realized that he was mostly in the wrong because instead of treating you like his girlfriend, you were more like a maid

he’s been working 23914 times harder in the hopes that when you want to see him again, he wont be as pitiful

he didnt expect that you would both be seeing each other very soon though

one night you noticed your dog was nowhere to be seen

you went around your whole apartment looking for her but you finally found her under the bed

when she didnt reply to you calling her name, thats when you started to worry

she wasnt eating, she didnt run around the apartment anymore, basically she wasnt the same

so you called the only person who would probably know what to do

yoongi

while crying and stroking your dog’s fur, you told him bout her odd behaviour lately

he tells you that he’ll meet you in the office in fifteen minutes

when he arrives, your breath hitches in your throat

its like the yoongi in front of you was a completely different person

his hair went back to being its natural black color and he looked just a bit paler and thinner from when you saw him last

you didnt think much about it though bc rn your priority was your dog

one of the nurses took her from your arms and brought her into the clinic

he told both of you to wait outside for a bit and you nodded worryingly

unfortunately the doctor informed you that your  dog was in need of surgery asap to remove a tumor that had been growing for the past 3-4 months

so you and yoongi are in the waiting room waiting for just a bit of good news

youre telling yourself not to cry so much but you cant help it as the tears just keep streaming down your face

yoongi kneels down in front of your seat and cups your face in his hands

you knew you would have blushed a lot if it were any other situation but it wasnt

his thumbs brush across your cheeks, trying to wipe away the tears that keep flowing

then he sits down beside you and pats his shoulder

“sleep. i’ll tell you when the surgery is finished“

so you hesitantly rested your head on yoongi’s shoulder and whispered to him softly

“.....i missed you“

“................i missed you too“

you couldnt be sure of what you heard next since you were already close to being fully asleep

but it sounded just a little bit like

“and i still love you.”

based on a movie i saw recently. if you know what im talking about, im sending you a hundred finger hearts rn 

[leegeumhyuks]

Seventeen in Toronto Highlights (Long Post)

this is gonna be such a shit post im basically ranting bc i have a lot of seventeen feels rn (its gonna be long too)

the concert happened like 4 days ago and I’m still not over it

Okay so I live in new Brunswick so it was a 15 hour drive one way. We drove up the day before and drove home the day after.

It was tiring, but so worth it. One of the best experiences of my life(oh btw i went with a friend ^^)

(not relevant to the concert but we went to a cute Korean store called Sarah and Tom which had a MASSIVE collection of kpop albums so I bought Going Seventeen and a BTS album :) )

Alright so the concert was at a place called Massey Hall which is more like a theater than a concert stadium [lowkey looked like a place you would go to see a play or an opera or some shit]

it was a pretty small place so really no matter where you sat, you could see really well so any seat was a good seat

Me and my friend were center-balcony near the back so we had a very clear view of the stage (other than there was some tall dude in front of me so it was a bit difficult at times)

We arrived outside the venue at around 6:20 (concert started at 7) and the line to get in already went around a whole block. People were stopping to ask what was going on and apparently it made the Toronto news??

So we get in at around 6:40 and the venue is already more than half full and theyre just playing music videos and everyone was singing along

And when I say everyone was singing along i mean everyone

Honestly I only remember a few of the songs but I they played BoomBoom, Very Nice, Highlight, Healing, and Check In

I have never been happier in my entire life when every single damn person in the venue did Mingyu’s “WhhoAHHH YeaAAHHH’ part. Super. Fucking. Loud

Alright so let me tell you my dudes, It was the biggest adrenaline rush when all the lights went out and you could see the boys run out on stage in the dimness. My heart felt like it stopped.

The lights turn on and I hear Dokyum say “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Diamond Edge” but honestly I wasnt even paying attention bc I was just so blown away

Literally my very first thought upon seeing them was “They’re not real” bc the very first person I looked at was Jeonghan and I thought he was so damn gorgeous he must be fake

He’s literal ethereal. I could go off about how good looking he is. Honestly the true visual of Svt (i swear hes not my bias)

So the very first stage was Pretty U and honestly I dont remember much bc i was too busy freaking out over the fact that I was actually there and they were actually here. I just remember everyone dancing along to Dokyums “Neoneoneoneo” part and all of us doing the “Yeppeuda” part

(they performed Beautiful right after and i really dont remember much of it other than the dance in the chorus [i have such a shit memory its mainly why im making this post before ill forget it all])

So after that they went straight into Adore U (which is my fav svt song although it probably isnt anymore after habits but ill talk about that in a bit)

Oh man if you thought I went off about Jeonghans visuals let me tell you about this mans vocals. They’re so sweet. Sweeter than honey. Jeonghans part in the chorus is my absolute favorite part of the song and it sounds 10000x better live. He just sings it so flawlessly while doing the dance and overall I was just so impressed??

Jihoon also sounded amazing but like let me just take a minute and say every single member sounded fucking perfect and flawless like if you aren’t stanning Seventeen then what are you doing

And the dances were so on point too. I didn’t notice any slip ups or anybody trippin or nothing. Like you’d think they’d show signs of fatigue or being tired bc they did two shows the few days before but they were all so hyped and gave their all in every stage and they genuinely looked like they were enjoying themselves

Anyways back to Adore U

Everyone in the crowd did the “Akkinda” part and I could see Soonyoung smiling so big bc of that like he was really happy bc of it

After Adore U finished they all lined up to do their intros and introduced themselves as a group and then did their individual intros

Most of them just did a casual “Hi I’m ___” but then you had the extra™️ members

Soonyoung got us all to chant something (im not sure what it was exactly I think it was ‘rock the beat’) and then he did his usual “What time is it??” “10 Hour 10 Minute” which honestly made my life i was hoping for him to do that (i love soonyoung sm honestly most of my favorite moments of the concert were bc of him)

Dokyum also did a thing where he got everyone to scream for him

All of their intros were great but none of them were as memorable as Jihoons for me

I know a lot of people were saying ‘He’s not that small in person’, but to me he was so small and cute and I just wanted to go and hug him bc hes so freaking adorable

So Jihoon’s kinda quiet and shy in general, we know that from variety shows and such but I saw it a lot in the concert. Like when other members were talking he just stood quietly with his hands folded and there was this one part where they all ran towards the edge of the stage and gave hearts and Jihoon like covered his face a bit and looked embarrassed 

So anyways he does like this cute little “Hi guys” and I just fucking melted right there. I made an audible “awwwww” sound that my friend was like ???

I love Jihoon so much and I will forever see him as the cute and adorable little smol (boi got a voice tho holy shit)

So they talked a bit more after that about how they walked around Toronto a bit the day before and how they were impressed with the crowd dancing along to Pretty U and Mingyu taught us a little chant where they would say “Seventeen Carat” and we would go ‘clap clap Ehhhhh’ it was weird but cute

So they went straight into Still Lonely from there and I hate my brain for not remembering most of it bc its one of my favorite songs but I just remember Minghao doing Jun’s part in the last chorus and sounding amazing honestly i want an official 13 member version of that song

So after that was Very Nice which was indeed, very nice. Dancing on point. Dino and Vernons rap were amazing and the whole audience did the “Maja” part

Also dont remember much of that stage but I definitely remember the last part bc thats the part where my son, Chan, is in the front. 10/10

Okay so I have 2 favorite performances of the night. One of which was Swimming Fool. I am such a hoe for Performance unit (considering 2 of my biases are in it) so actually every performance of theirs was my fav but Swimming Fool tho. 

That song is one of my favs and I had never seen the dance before so I was basically dying the whole time. Soonyoung’s little wiggle dance and the jumping up and down dance that Chan did. The whole dance was so cute tbh Ive been re-watching that video every day since. (if youve never seen the dance pls watch this. Not my video tho) 

Alright imma talk about Soonyoung for a minute. This boi. Was so hyper the entire concert. He  was doing his usual yelling during songs and was giggling a whole lot, I noticed. (He also dabbed like 20 times and i was like someone pls stop him)

(There was one part where he went and dabbed right in front of Jihoon and i laughed a little harder than i should have)

And I’m honestly so glad that Soonyoung was feeling great the whole time bc apparently at the Chicago(?) show he wasn’t able to perform bc he was sick so we were extremely blessed that all 13 members were well and healthy to perform for us so like thank u jesus for keeping them all safe

(I was lowkey worried about that a lot before the concert bc of when I heard Hyungwon was missing parts of the tour with MX so I was like “Lord pls let it be all 13″)

anywho so all the members went to change outfits and they played a vcr (dont remember what of tho i have such a shit memory)

So yall they did Mansae next and started out with the class chairs and Dokyum was the teacher at the blackboard it was rlly cute!! ^^ And towards the end they repeated the “MansaeMansae” part and got everyone to do the dance it was such a great time

So while the rest of the group was preparing for the next stage(i presume), Chan and Seungcheol came out, just the two of them, with a gopro and said it was the camera for “Going Seventeen” and were filming the crowd and interacting with us a bit. And then they had a dance battle (Which Dino clearly won Seungcheol didnt stand a chance against Michael Chanson)

So then everybody came out and did BoomBoom which was  incredible (every stage was amazing i feel like i shouldnt have to say it) Most of the crowd even did the shirt thing which was really fun. Chan slayed his rap (i love my son)

So after that there was another vcr and the members changed outfits again

Vocal unit came out and sang We Gonna Make It Shine and boys let me say I have never fell in love with someone vocals so much before in my life. Like I’ve always loved Jihoon’s voice bc it was unique and its got a nasally tone to it and I love it, but hearing it in person made me love it 100x more

And for a while I actually thought Jihoon wasn’t singing?? Bc he just sounded so flawless, like exactly like the recording that I thought ‘maybe hes lip singing bc his throat is bad or something’ and I’m hitting myself now for even thinking that bc really Lee Jihoon is just the most amazing vocalist I’ve ever heard Boo Seungkwan who???

So yeah Vocal unit slayed even though I’ll always like the 2014 version of that song with Soonyoung better

As soon as that song ended they went straight into Don’t Listen and omg let me talk about visuals. The stage had this whole setup with a table with some fancy ass candles on it and there was a throne that Joshua was sitting in and the lighting was really eerie and I really don’t listen to that song much but im gonna listen to it every day from now on bc damn

HipHop unit had their turn next where they did some song which I had never heard of before called “On Haeng Il Chi” and it was dope then went into Check In and once again everyone did Mingyus “ohhhhhHHh yeahH” part (glorious I tell you)

Seungcheol was serving looks the whole time bc he was wearing this black suit set and he just looked so good the whole time. Honestly Seungcheol was such a tease the whole concert and i got a look at his thighs at one point and man he thicc

Vernon was also wearing this nice green shirt and I just really liked it for some reason and I wish I had taken more pictures and videos I hate myself for not doing that

AlrIGHT Performance Unit time!!! So leadin up to the concert I thought they were gonna perform “WHO” bc it was a bonus track and I just thought they would perform it for some reason so when they were all standing there ready for the song to start, the amount of confusion on my face when OMG came on… Wasn’t disappointed tho that performance was awesome

Still would like to see a performance of WHO tho I hope they’ll do that next time

And then they did Highlight and me and my friend even switched seats so I could get a better video of it bc I love that song so much. Also leading up to the concert I knew they were going to do this song but I wasn’t sure if they were going to do 13 member version or not but I’m glad it was just the 4 of them

Oh man okay I’m gonna talk about my bias, Chan, for a second. His stage presence in every song is seriously amazing. A main reason why hes my bias is bc im a huge fan of his dancing and his dance style(and he pretty cute) and seeing him perform live was incredible. it was almost overwhelming bc I couldnt believe someone this talented existed and I was watching them in their element 

Like he put his all into the dance while still executing his raps and vocals perfectly. His voice actually does sound a bit different live, like its a bit higher than I expected but he was so on point the whole night why is he such an underrated member

Okay so the members had another outfit change after this and these outfits were straight up sinful. Not to mention the first song they performed in them was equally as sinful so I’m going to on about this performance bc this was the best performance imo. I will never forget it. It’s ingrained into my brain forever

So Crazy In Love starts. Okay so I don’t listen to this song much as far as just listening to it in my free time, but I’d seen the dance before so as soon as I heard the music, I knew we were royally fucked. I wasn’t expecting this song probably bc i forgot it existed but its my new fav song guys this performance ruined me. 

So the lights come on at the very first part and these mofos are wearing tight black skinny pants (which looked like they were leather but they werent) and red silk sparkly shirts that were tucked in. Every single member looked flawless 

(Also didn’t mention this before but all of their hair was styled so well bless the stylists. I normally prefer a more natural color for hair on idols so I was glad the colorful dye had faded and most of them just went with black or brown)

But lord have mercy when the song started. Okay Chan is my bias but I could not stop staring at Soonyoung almost the entire time - minus for Chan’s “talking about love” part (which I remember doing the dance for and screaming while doing so)

Like you get Swimming Fool Soonyoung whos all cute and playful and going “YEEEE HAWW” during the song and then you get Crazy In Love Soonyoung whos all bedroom eyes and sexy glares and just everything about the way he moves is mesmerizing (i swear. Hes NOT my bias)

So getting through the first chorus is hard enough when BOTH my bias and bias wrecker are up in front doing that provocative shit and I was so conflicted on which one to stare at but I ended up staring at Soonyoung the whole time. 

And then in the second chorus when it’s just Jeonghan doing it and both me and my friend screamed so loud ugh the outfits were so perfect for this dance i wanted to D I E

And then it gets to the Part in the song yknow the “Ooohhhhh” part where they spin around and when it was Soonyoungs part to do that by himself. I don’t even have words for how that made me feel. That image is in my mind forever. You know that meme thats like “you ever wonder whats going on in someones head?” well yeah its that for me

It’s just Soonyung doing that one dance move

okay moving on Ive talked about this enough

My I was right after and I’d never seen the dance to that either and it was really beautiful and cool like idk how to describe it. It was like a very romantic type of dance and Jun and Minghao had such great chemistry on stage together they really blew me away

OKay now imma freak out some more bc Vocal Unit performed Habits. I actually recorded this whole song so I wasn’t really paying attention to what was happening on stage bc they were all just standing there with mic stand anyways. I was enjoying the audio and their lovely vocals. (Again, Jihoon really exceeded my expectations in this song. Like for some members like Dokyum and Seungkwan I know theyre gonna sound great and its not like I didn’t for the rest but I’m just still not over how good EVERYONE sounded)

So I’m enjoying them vocals and the song ends and my friend taps on my arm and points to her face and there are actual tears. This bitch really cried. At the time I was like “during Habits of all songs??” but i was so naive now I understand(I cried 2 days later listening to that song)

Hiphop unit then did If I which I remember 0 of I think I was still too shook from Vocal Unit

I just remember their little hip thrust dance and then immediately after was a ment and Soonyoung was mimicking HH units dance and giggling like an idiot and got the whole crowd to sing and dance to If I

“Ohh Toronto. Dancing good”

Then they were all arguing over which unit’s performance suited Toronto the best but then decided that they all did

And then Soonyoung dabbed

Too many times

Everyone also dabbed with him this group is a M E S S

And then they got Jeonghan to do Aegyo so he spun around and made a heart and said “Toronto I love you!” in the cutest voice possible I swear I’m in love with Jeonghans voice

And then Wonwoo did a cute little dance to which we all chanted ‘Go Wonwoo’ for and then Soonyoung dabbed

again

(It made Jihoon cringe every time)

Then Jeonghan tried to get Seungkwan to sing something and Boo was like ‘moVING ON” but he gave in and sang a bit of Hello by adele which was really nice. Like damn the acoustics in that theater were no joke bc its a theater (i assume) made for plays and stuff and him singing without any track sounded really nice.

And then they asked my boi Chan to dance so he started singing Billie Jean by Michael Jackson and doing the hipthrust dance and Seungkwan ran over like ‘nOO”. But Chan just kept dancing and singing and having a good time and being w i l d  to which Seungcheol cracked up at. He literally fell on the floor laughing

And they kept going on about how this was a totally special stage for Toronto, “only for Toronto”

So then they went on to say they were gonna perform a very “hot” song next and my clueless ass was like ‘Don’t wanna cry?’ but naw it was ROCK which I only recorded part of bc the lighting was bad and my phone sucks

But okay I can just say that Wonwoo’s voice sounds 10x deeper in person. If you thought his rap was really deep in that song, wait until you hear it live. For a long time Wonwoo was my favorite rapper in kpop and I think hes regaining that title he was very good the whole night and I really like his deep voice

and then they did Chuck which was SO AMAZING HOLY CRAP

I love that song sm in the first place but I love it even more now upon seeing and hearing it in person. I recorded a bit of that one too and love it i watch that video like 3 times a day

So then they had another short Ment where they taught us the dance to Chuck and Soonyoung doing the “brrrr” part was so adorable I wanted to die. (I feel like Im talking about Soonyoung a lot but im just so glad he was able to perform in Toronto ilysm)

So then Vernon was like “I actually have some bad new for yall” and all the members were like ‘whaaat??’ and pretending to be shocked

So Vernon goes on: “The next song is actually the last song for the night” and Soonyoung made this fake crying noise and then dabbED LIKE 5 TIMES

That was when he went over to Jihoon and dabbed right in front of him and then was like “Oh my god our last song?”

and then Vernon being the cheeky ass that he is was like “Yeah and I really dont wanna cry about it” and then him and Soonyoung went to the back of the stage to “cry” and all the other members were “crying”

Then Vernon came back and like “I wonder what our next song is tho? Hm????” and im like really bitch

So Soonyoung yelled ‘are you ready’ a few times and then they performed Don’t Wanna Cry which was INCREDIBLE 

They were all in perfect sync like im seriously amazed. These boys probably have to practice day and night to get dances like that. It was amazing

So the boys left the stage for a bit and there was a another vcr which was of all the member explaining what carats were to them and it was really sweet and my friend cried again (she cried like 3 times that night) and I died at Jihoons bc there was this short clip of him and hes just so darn cute

so they came out again and performed Shining Diamond but were wearing casual jeans and half were wearing blue shirts and the other half were wearing pink shirts and Soonyoung looked so good in that outfit bc his shirt was tucked in in the front and his hair was just so great

anyways they all looked like they had fun performing that song and Soonyoung was yelling as usual and there was one part of the dance that was super satisfying bc all the colors of the shirts lined up and it was just really nice to look at. 

And then they performed Healing which we had special banners to hold up during. There was one part I remember bc I couldnt see bc everyone was holding their banners above their heads, but Seungcheol jumped onto Mingyus back and koala hugged him for a good minute and a half and Mingyu kept trying to get him off and Seungcheol just smiled like an idiot and latched on. Eventually he got down and then grabbed his water bottle and dumped half of it onto the people in the front(splash zone)

So once that song ended, Toronto Carats had actually prepared something special for Seventeen. So certain seats had a red board on it that you would hold up after Healing ended but only so many seats had them so it made a message in the crowd and I think it was just 2 hearts and ‘1 7′ and the members looked really surprised like Vernon and Minghao were next to each other and were like :O

Seungcheol and Jeonghan looked really shocked too, overall none of them expected it

So then the goodbye ments came and I was ready to die as soon as they started. They all said the similar kind of thing like “we had a good time we’ll come again soon ect…” 

But Minghao’s was all in english and it was the cutest damn thing i have ever heard in my life. He started out with “Today I am so happy because of our Toronto Carats energy.”

and then says the cutest shit ever: “We are like friends. We look after each other and love each other” He also kept looking over at Vernon to make sure he was saying it right

and then he said something like “we care for each other” and the fkcigingf df went “and everyone, don’t be sick. Always be happy okay?” IN LIKE THE CUTEST WAY POSSIBLE I WANTED TO SCREAM I MEAN I PROBABLY DID BUT STILL

and then I only remember Chan saying something like “We’ll be back soon, and when we are you have to promise that you’ll come to our show” and then Soonyoung and Seungcheol held out their pinkies for us to promise them and I held my pinky bc I damn promise if they come to Toronto again I will be seeing them for sure. Or I’ll try my best anyways

and they all gave us hearts and said they loved us and did a bow and then all had to leave the stage and I almost cried;;

I remember Soonyoung was the last to leave the stage bc he kept waving and saying goodbye

Also I remember a person sticking their hand out one last time and it was kind funny bc I just see this random hand pop out for like a split second. I didn’t know who it was at the time, but I later found out it was Dokyum :3

So yeah, he’s not my bias, but Soonyoung made my night

Anyways. I’m still having post-concert depression. Honestly I don’t think I’ll ever be able to listen to another seventeen song again without crying. All in all, it was one of the best nights of my life and if it wasn’t for my best friend who bought the tickets and surprised me with them and her mom who drove us up the whole long way. Highlight of my summer. 

[btsxlami]

📢LISTEN 📢 UP📢 ARMYS📢 HERE ARE 23 UNDERRATED ¿!MORE!¿ RAP MONSTER TRACKS THAT YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY POSITIVELY SHOULD CHECK OUT by @btsxlami

Hey guys its your favourite Namjoon promoter here again a.k.a LAMI! My last post got a lot of notes so whoop whoop and included my personal favourite 23 Namjoon tracks which you can find here

Part 2 of my underrated Namjoon series.

Here are 23 more bc damn Namjoon has a lot of fcking songs!

Disclaimers: (HOLD UP IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME SEEING THIS I SUGGEST YOU SEE PART ONE)

1. i will include tracks that Namjoon covered

2. I will include tracks that Namjoon featured in

3. I will include tracks that I personally feel the need to be well known *so no I won’t put expensive girl even tho thats my shit*

4. This list will be a bit more laid back since I covered a lot of the most important songs in the last list sooo

5. since i covered his best and most “important” tracks in the last list theres not many left but ill probably include his REALLY early like pre debut fetus tracks with his underground rapper friends, tbh I personally don’t think they are the best but you can definitely see how he grew and where he started from

6. enjoY! and reblog kekeke

7. THIS IS A LONG ASS LIST AND I FUCKING ANALYZED EACH SONG SO I EXPECT YALL TO READ AND APPRECIATE NAMJOON GODDAMIT

8. you can always go to BTS’s official soundcloud for unofficial official tracks yeet

9. titles with stars are ones i recommend ( i should of done this for part one yikes)

1. Voices by Rap Monster ⭐

from his first 2015 mixtape RM > Check out the full album here >>  X  *you can refer to more mixtape songs in my previous list

I feel as if this song is the closest a fan can get with Kim Namjoon. Just listening to it you feel a bit relaxed and almost a bit sad when you start listening to the first half of the song. This song reflects a person’s tender emotions and voices that run inside of someone’s head when they are confused. I remember listening to this 2 years ago and towards the end Namjoon starts screaming out all his pain and I started crying. C R Y I N G

Namjoon had a really smooth life up until he started pursuing hip hop. He was a beyond smart student and had a happy family so why the hell would he be depressed? He had his whole life ahead of him right?

But this lyrics totally breaks that facade down

 “ I didn’t have any dreams just like my lyrics, every day in that way the functions and equations that couldn’t give me an answer in the end those things became uncountable injuries “

Despite having such amazing grades Namjoon did not know what the hell he wanted to do with his life, he didnt want to go into something academic despite being good at it, he was lost in life and his academics could not make him happy but instead hurt him even more.

“ thought I could catch the mirage known as happiness but the me in front of my desk wasn’t happy even for a moment without my mom knowing, I put a sheet of white paper between the pages of my workbook “

This verse totally broke me apart. He wanted to be happy while being in school but school sure as hell did not make him happy. His parents looked up to him as some smartass freak but without them knowing he started writing his own lyrics to cope with his hardships.

“my identity that I wrote down matched to the drum and bass a different, relaxed feeling compared to when I got my report card even when I was #1 my heart couldn’t relax”

The music brought out his true inner feelings, music brought out his true personality rather than when he was almost robot like studying with no self-identity. Despite being number one in class he still felt an emptiness that only music could fill.

“even as 7 years passed... still making my mixtape by myself in one corner of my room some say I’m fake, okay, I admit it, my dark past I can justify it, but I won’t, so that kind of problem won’t happen again the pedal that I stepped on for 7 years has finally been oiled “

Namjoon has been writing music and tried to get recognition for 7 years, despite Bangtan getting fame he is still lonely writing his own mixtape in a dark corner, kind of pathetic ehh idk, in his mixtape interview his dark past was his problematic sayings and actions. He felt the need to appropriate culture in order to rap. He then figured out that music and culture had nothing to do with eachother, music is for everyone. *I’m fake*

And finally after all the hardships after 7 years he is finally started to receive praise and attention!

2. WE ARE BULLETPROOF PT.1 by: Rap Monster, Supreme Boi, and Iron ⭐

Composed 6-7 years ago when Namjoonie was about 15 or 16 THIS SONG IS FUCKING BOP. 

2 of Bangtans were also first members are featured here: Supreme boi (yall probably familiar with him) and Iron! (i hope iron never affiliates with Bangtan ever again tho we dont need a criminal around them yikes)

3. Hook by Supreme Boi, Iron, and Namjoon (also the track used in Yoongi’s all i do is win)

Extremely old and pre debut, but old is gold

Probably one of Namjoon’s only ‘diss’ song, he usually doesnt diss others while he raps tbvh

4. Seventeen by Rap monster

I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDNT MAKE FUN OF HIM BC 15 YEAR OLD NAMJOON AT THE TIME WAS PROBABLY REALLY PROUD BACK THEN BUT HE LOOKED SO FUCKING FUNNY BC DAMN THAT HAIR AND HIS VOICE SOUNDS LIKE A CHIPMUNK BUTHUSDHUFUFSUD

5. SKOOL OF TEARS By: Rap Monster, Suga, and Jin ⭐

Absoloute MASTERPIECE! FIRST OF ALL THE ORIGINAL TRACK IS FROM SWIMMING POOLS BY KENDRICK LAMAR AND I LOVE KENDRICK! SECOND, THE RAP FLOW SOUNDS AMAZING NAMJOON IS GOING SO HARD AND DAMN YOONGI BACK AT IT AGAIN! ALSO CREDS FOR BABY BOY JIN FOR SOUNDING SO BADASS HERE BUT HERE IS WHY I LOVE THIS SONG!

I think its absolutely amazing how Namjoon especially writes song towards youth suffering in school, it takes a lot of guts to write against a society that has been around for decades. 

“  This is a ring called a classroom This is a stadium with no referee only an audience You know there will never be a victor everyone will lose There will be no victor everyone will lose”

“ That’s right, in the end school is like another mini society A jungle made carelessly by adults They made the weaklings weak, they made the strong powerful Of course since they were strong they made the weak suffer A society built on the teachings that friends are only for pretend The morals of adults made us step on the weak to rise to the top “

Its clear to see that Namjoon has suffered in school but also isnt afraid to address the truth.

6. Expensive girl by Rap Monster 

( I FUCKING DISCOVERED THIS SONG WHEN I WAS LIKE 11-12 AND I NEVER WANTED TO PUT THIS HEAR BUT YALL LIKE FOUGHT ME TO ADD THIS TO THE LIST GODDAMIT I HATE YALL I GOT LIKE HATE MAN OKAY)

“Take it off now girl just take it off (I’m a master, baby with your bra)Take it off now girl just take it off (I can help you slide those panties off)(..I’m a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before)x2″

7. Converse High (original version SUNG by Rap Monster)⭐

Yall probably heard Bangtan’s Converse High but here was the original version written by Namjoon that was rejected bc of the swearing omg damn joonie, BUT HE SINGS SO BEAUTIFUL IN THIS YESS

(funny story in seventh grade when this came out it was the last day of school and i requested my teacher to stay after school late so i could finish listening to the whole thing)

8. Suicide by Rap Monster

Rapmon wrote this mixtape in the point of view of a baby in his mother’s tummy. The baby’s parents are high school kids who are forced to go through abortion.

*this song was deleted bc of copyright and also the source of it is unknown but hey ITS IN ENGLISH AND DAMN NAMJOON RIGHTS DEEP SHIT*

(tf is namjoon doing u good)

9. What am I to you by Rap Monster from the 2014 Dark & wILD ⭐

if you DONT KNOW THIS SONG I SUGGEST YOU RETHINK YOUR LIFE DECISIONS BC LOWKEY HANDS DOWN ONE OF THE BEST INTRO’S TO A OFFICIAL BTS ALBUM (gif is from the live ver of this song and he started crying ok)

So Namjoon used to have a girlfriend who “mistreated” him. Tbvh we really don’t know what happened but on problematic men he said it wasnt anything serious it was just she would neglect him and not spend enough time but also hang out with other men.

(gif aint mine so gif blogs dont come at me)

But clearly the lyrics of this song are very emotional but the real reason why this song is a masterpiece is because of the rise of  emotions.

It starts off slow and cute, Namjoon mentions how he loves the girl and how their love is pure and innocent, throwing cute love phrases and the song sounds so soft, hopeful, and romantic. But in the middle the music starts to get more serious and Namjoon starts to question the relationship. He feels as if the girl thinks of this relationship as more of a task and a job, and slowly as the song comes to an end NAMJOON STARTS FUCKING SCREAMING AND BELTING! ALL THE EMOTIONS BUILD UP AND HE STARTS SCREAMING “WHAT AM I TO YOU GIRL WHAT AM I TO YOU I DO LOVE YOU CRAZY UH DO YOU” LIKE IT WAS SCARY I WAS CRYING IM LIKE NAMJOON WHO TF HURT YOU

10. Always by Rap Monster ⭐

This song is more recent and farely well known but I still felt the need to put this masterpiece here. Namjoon said not to worry about him as the lyrics are really sad and almost ???SUICIDAL??? but he said he wrote this when he was stressed last year. Its kind of a self questioning song about life and your purpose. I cried when it came out. well i always cry when i listen to namjoon is it a surprise.

I'm honestly in tears because this song goes to show how hurt Namjoon still is even after all these years. Even after all these awards, fans, and accomplishments. Depression still hurts after a long time. I can tell that this song was talking about his past. This song literally made me realize Namjoon was questioning his existence and I wanna hold him so badly. Guys...we could of lost Kim Namjoon. My absolute favourite human being in the entire world who saved my life. He is a human being who does not deserve such pain but I am so proud he endured it so well and look how far he came. One of my favourite verses "I live for the sake of understanding this world, but why hasnt the world tried to understand me atleast once" Its a really vague phrase which is why I like it. WORLD could mean destiny, fate, life, even parents.  He tries so hard to accept his life, to understand his parents wishes, sacrificing his own happiness yet fate decides to only give him the worst. "Dad please listen to me" "dead dad, your dead to me," Talking about how his dad wouldn't let him rap. I remember him mentioning that his dad once told him all that education he worked hard for was for nothing and I can’t imagine how sad Namjoon felt in that moment. "I would tell god if I ever meet him, i would hold him by the collar and tell him this life is like a coffee I never ordered" A pretty sad and a bit confusing verse, maybe leading to why Namjoon eventually became an atheist. Namjoon was in so much pain he didnt want to be born. "I wished I was dead...... I wished “Someone would kill me" No Namjoon never utter such words. My joonie mini I hope you are better and hopeful now, look at how far you came, your so successful and loved, and you made your family proud. Dont ever doubt yourself and even think about death, just keep living happily and moving forward. He honestly felt lost in this point of his life and still continues to feel lost. Namjoon you have such in important role and your existence was destined. You were born for a reason. You were born to change lives. 

11.  J-Lim ft. Rap Monster & Iron - Ashes

12. TIPSY BY RAP MONSTER & SUPREME BOI

Namjoon wrote this in the beginning of his rap career when he was still trying to find where he stood as a rapper. He mentions how he isnt doing this for the fame or money and he isnt the next Nas or Tupac he just wants to rap for the love of it.

13.  Rap Monster of 방탄소년단 (BANGTAN),Supreme Boi,i11evn,Marvel.J - You can't do that

*i suggest you skip ahead to 1:30 for namjoon fire verse, shade intended*

14.  RAP MONSTER of 방탄소년단,Suprema,Marvel.J,Kyum2 - Rollin

I also recommend you to skip ahead to 2:40 BC DAMN BOY GOES HARD

But tbvh pre debut namjoon squad (supreme boi , young jeezy, iron are hella problematic and say the n word in this and still do so im like yikes im happy nam left you) “ They pissed, now rape me" bitch whet

yeah im just here for namjoons verse bye

imma mufukin balla on this mufuckin beat spit mufuckin rap on this mufuckin shit got mufuckin skill so im mufuckin phat its mufuckin trick and a mufuckin track i i bet you betta stop stopin da chatter im a rapper man, and i represent BPB im juss so greater than hoes

15. FUCK COCKROACHES BY RAP MONSTER AND ZICO *THIS IS SO FUNNY*

Zico was 15 and RapMon was 13 when they rapped this, Namjoon sounds like a chipmunk BUT ZICO SOUNDS LIKE JIMIN I STG!

16. Rap Monster- Thinking Bout you

Joonie Mini Representing Biggie smalls eyyy!

17. Glory By Rap Monster

"I'm a dick? Yeah, when you disturb me, I grow bigger" SO FUCKING DONE

*there was lowkey lowkey controversy bc he said he tore 4 hymens BUT DETECTIVE LAMI FIXED IT*

 In the beginning Namjoon says that people looked at him pitifully because he joined BTS,  the Underground rappers were disappointed with him which led the Underground rappers to leave him, which has ripped his hymen. Not 4 hymen of random girls. 4 and "I" sound the same in Korean

it's a bit weird but in this case he is talking about himself all the hate people showed has ripped his hymen symbolizing his innocence for music.

18. NAA BY RAP MONSTER

tHE ORIGINAL BEAT WAS DEUCES BY CHRIS BROWN I WAS DYING

19. REGULAR VOICE BY RAP MONSTER ⭐

A really sweet and open-minded song about Namjoon wanting a “regular girl” “Height? I don’t care. Age? I don’t mind it. When you say, “I’ll only look at you” then I’m okay. Whether your skin is light or dark it doesn’t really matter, our love is deeper than that. “

I feel as if idols are pressured to have certain ideal types and say them out in the open, Namjoon had bad influences around him *underground rappers* which also influenced his negative sayings towards certain things but he wrote this song all alone at a young age which shows that his intentions are pure, and ever since he apologized for his wrong doings you go joon.

his voice sounds like sex

20. DREAMING BY RAP MONSTER

FETUS CHUBBY WTF HAIR NAMJOON IS BACK

okay but seriously you can see that despite being young he put a lot of effort and thought into this song!

21.  RAP MONSTER of 방탄소년단 feat.김거덕 - RAP

22.  130305??  THIS TRACK IS UNTITLED BUT IT SOUNDS SO EPIC TF

23. Trouble by Rap Monster 🔞 🔞

OKAY IM BARELY AROUSED BUT THIS SHIT ACTUALLY HAD ME SOAKED IM SORRY GOD LIKE ITS SO SUGGESTIVE I STG 

HIS SEXUAL FANTASIES I STG

[kookingtae]

You have to make a huge post and tell us all the dreams I wanna hear 👀

omg so ive been putting this off for forever bc iTS SO MUCH but i think ive finally got enough time to sit down and type it all out (this is really long so if you want to read some of them, theyre below the ‘keep reading’)

the very first dream i ever had about bts was about jungkook big shocker there except it was long long ago in a galaxy far far away when i biased tae! it was me and jungkook making out on my bed, like full on making out with tongue and teeth and heavy breathing and everything (fUCK im getting flustered just thinking about it) and then all of a sudden he sat up and whipped his dick out! it was vivid af too so when i woke up i felt like i had really seen his dick. then he got back on top of me and we were about to fuck but mY FUCKING MOM WALKED IN!!!!!!!!!!! SHE COCK BLOCKED EVEN IN MY DREAMS WTF i was so mad at her when i woke up

my second dream (i pretty sure it happened while i was still biasing tae as well) took place in this olden day village on a cobblestone street, i dont remember the story behind it but all i remember is jungkook whipped out his dick aGAIN AND THAT SHIT WAS FUCKING HUGE!!!!!! like abnormally long LMAO i was like O.O and he just kept on stroking it and jacking off and i was like jUNGKOOK WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and then i woke up 😂

after that i lost track of the order they happened but i’ll just list them out (btw i know ive had more than this but these are just the ones that are most memorable)

one of the ones that had the biggest impact on me happened the christmas of 2015, and still remember it so clearly bc it was the dream that made yoongi wreck my bias list for the very first time. before then he had been like 4th? 5th? but this made him move all the way up to 2nd O.O

it started out as he and i were dating and i had just finished listening to a song he released where he SANG INSTEAD OF RAPPED!!!! AND IT WAS ABOUT ME. it was such a big deal bc that had never happened before and i was literally crying???? after i listened to it i was super emo and just wanted to see him and love on him and tell him how lucky i was to have him in my life. but when he called to say that he was outside my house to pick me up, i went out there all happy and excited and opened the passengers side door to see hoseok -_- i was annoyed to say the least. here i was on the verge of tears and wanting to spend time with him, and he brought a car full of ppl to accompany us on our date.

i proceeded to squeeze in the small backseat next to an already squished jin, namjoon and jimin. and to make things worse, yoongi was basically ignoring me the entire time to goof off with his friends. i hadnt even gotten a chance to tell him i’d listened to the song he’d just released bc he wouldnt give me the time of day. plus, the topic was too emotional to bring up around his friends. so as we went out to eat and squeezed into that tiny ass booth, yOONGI NOT EVEN SITTING NEXT TO ME, i got the bright idea to make him jealous. maybe then he’d finally notice me.

i did some subtle things at dinner, but nothing too serious until we got back to yoongi’s bedroom and everyone started drinking. i wasnt drunk, but jimin was so he was an easy target for my scheme. at one point he and i were laying down on yoongi’s bed, my back against him and curled into his embrace with his arm slung over my waist and lips lightly pressed to my neck. thats when yoongi saw us and snapped. he kicked everyone out, “that means you, dongsaeng. get your hands off of jordan” he even hissed at jimin and gritted his teeth. “ok, jeez,” jimin had said defensively, to which yoongi replied “thats hyung to you.” needless to say, he was pissed.

once jimin got off of me and i started to get up, yoongi turned to me and said “not you” in a less angry but just as stern voice. i remember being filled with rage, like “oh, so now you notice me?!” yoongi acted confused at first, but once he realized what i was talking about his expression softened and he seemed to feel bad. he silently pulled me into a hug and we laid down on his bed, both sad and feeling guilty at the turn of events. then the dream ended with us both cuddling in his bed, his cheeks between my hands and my waist in his arms, where i told him i’d listened to his song about me and we were both crying and saying how much we love each other and kissing sweetly.

after that, i had aNOTHER yoongi dream in the same night where i had the job of cleaning a dormitory that yoongi lived in. so he was basically my boss, but not really bc he wasnt the one who signed my checks. i still had to respect him tho. the thing was, i didnt speak korean very well (yes, it was a language barrier dream!!) and so he had to teach me some of the words and customs of their culture. a lot of the things i was doing were considered rude, so we didnt like each other at first bc he thought i was bratty and i thought he was an asshole. we fought all the time, eSPECIALLY after he made me call him oppa. i didnt want to show him that kind of respect.

but after a while we ended up bonding the more time we spent together (i was there everyday doing housework after all) and i developed a crush on him. it was unspoken but both of us liked each other, and at one point i confronted our feelings bc it was getting frustrating always having to walk on eggshells around each other and pretend like there was nothing between us. i wanted to be together, and yoongi did too, but then he told me that we couldnt bc he was in bts (which hadnt been brought up the entire dream until now lmao) so basically, it had a sad ending :”)

needless to say, after i woke up that christmas morning i was fucked up.

another one of my favorites was one with tae that i actually wanted to write a fic about when it happened!

i worked at this prestigious company of some sort, and i was in my high-rise building office and had a perfect view of my car in the parking lot below. at one point i was looking out the window and saw tae (who i didnt know at the time) in this black leather jacket breaking into the cars one by one and stealing all the belongings. he was going thru them in order and getting closer to my car, so i panicked and quickly ran down there to stop him.

i reached him rIGHT when he was rummaging thru mine, and i forget the exact dialogue but i remember bickering with him and we were both assholes to each other bc i was mad he was stealing my shit and he was annoyed that i had interrupted him. he told me he was taking everything to a pawn shop, and i managed to talk him out of cashing in all my stuff except for one ring that a family member had given me. he seemed shocked to see that i had it and told me that he had to take it to his boss right away. i was all liKE HELL YOU ARE so i jumped in his old beat up pickup truck with him and rode with him to go turn in it.

it was a long drive and along the way we started talking and figured out there was some sexual tension there beneath all that hatred and next thing i know, im practically on his lap while hes driving sucking a hickey into his neck. and then fucked in his car O.O needless to say, we hit it off.

he ended up parking at the pawn shop where he planned on cashing in all the other items, and for some reason there was a photo booth outdoors in the middle of parking lot on a median???? regardless we went inside of it and tae wanted to fuck. i was super reluctant about it bc i was like tAE ITS OUTSIDE SOMEONE COULD SEE OR HEAR US and he was like “so? live on the wild side a little” like the bAD BOY HE IS (my weakness is bad boy tae ok) and then we ending up fucking in the outdoor photo booth and i woke up!

another one was where i was on this pirate ship trapped as prisoner trying to escape, and i got the help of jin who i think was one of the pirates or something?? idk but i was super skeptical to trust him at first but then we started making out (it escalated really quickly lol) and i remember the feeling of his lips were sO PLUSH. after that im pretty sure i trusted him and he treated me like his girlfriend that he cared about and would keep on kissing me and eventually helped me escape!!

i planned on telling a lot more dreams than this but i dont have as much time as i thought lol :/ most of them are about jungkook tho, and ive had more soft, fluffy dreams about him than i can count on all my fingers and toes. language barrier ones, shy!jungkook ones, boyfriend ones - you name it, ive dreamt it.

my most recent one took place at a water park, and all of bts and my friend and i went on a day trip there. jungkook and i ended up breaking away from the rest of the group and were just being cute and doing our own thing. we would float in the wave pool a lot with my legs wound around his waist and my arms around his neck, and his arms around my lower back holding me against him, and we would kiss and laugh and do a bunch of cute relationship things 😭😭😭 IM GETTING EMO JUST THINKING ABOUT IT

but the majority of my dreams have been romance-based and made me curl up into a ball of sorrow when i woke up bc i know they’ll never be real :”)