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urmomification · 4 years ago

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SWAG ANOTHER DREAM SMP AU FIC IDEA THAT ILL NEVER WRITE POG

this is a very long post please im so sorry my brain it just

(tw for like slight possession n shit)

(sorry its all jumbled i write all of these in discord to my friend and copy paste them here please if u have questions ask me im always willing to talk abt this shit please it haunts me)

(context: i saw a tiktok abt the hc that both dream and techno are gods of some sort bc theyre mentioned in the tales of the smp by karl a time traveller and my brain just ran w it)

going back to the techno and dream are gods thing right so dream is a vessel for the god dream xd (??? work in progress youll know what im talking about at some point its really funny tho uve def seen clips of it) and he was possessed?? by the god after the server started (when he started going from super friendly with everyone to control/power hungry) when he started sacrificing everything for power so no one could have power over him? that was the god making him do it bc the god was terrified of not being in control since theyd lost it all to techno in their past. thats why we never see dream and techno fight and why we see dream extend help and support to him at times as well as respecting his boundaries and such bc theyre scared of techno (again w the best of 10 duel reference, techno killed the god in a past life which is why the god has been forced to use a human vessel to get anything done on the mortal plane) but when something that powerful spends pretty much any amount of time in something mortal and mundane like a person, the host body starts to change (hence the mask) i like to think that the god would be akin to that of a biblically correct angel?? like the ones w multiple eyes n shit yk so after time things start to happen to normal dreams body he gets extra sets of eyes and he gets taller and overall his body seems just Too Small for whatevers inside of him and thats why he (hc) started wearing the mask in the first place he knew something was wrong w him but he didnt want anyone to know even tho they would most likely help him he was ashamed that he was different in the first place so he started wearing the mask once the other eyes showed up. and i think that the god would talk to dream similarly to how technos voices work yk? except its just the one voice instead of many many small ones. and again with the mask thing when he lost to tommy and they took him in, part of his mask broke to the point where u could see just a bit of the right side of his face but enough to see that it Wasnt Right there were two eyes where there shouldve been one and spots on his cheeks bright enough to resemble stars and where the color of his pupil should have been is just a sickeningly neon green with nothing else behind it. so they let him keep the mask even tho they already know something is wrong but it clearly makes him Very Distressed when asked to remove the mask or told to give it up. blah blah blah god harassing its host bc it got them caught and thrown in a prison and dream goes ever so slightly insane having to share a mind and body with a literal ancient god w a vendetta against everything hes built whos forced him to sacrifice everything he loved and cared for out of fear yk the usual prison shit and then techno comes a long and breaks him out or whatever but on their way back to his house he drops a really cryptic line abt how 'its nice to see an old friend again' and 'i thought i got rid of u for good last time' and dream is just ???? what are u talking about?? weve never been friends and youve never gotten rid of me? what. until techno spins around and just 'im not talking to you im talking to the thing inside u' or whatever and dreams eyes flash some brilliant gold or sumn and boom this is ur fellow god speaking how may i help you and dream xd (that feels so wrong to say but) and techno bond or well ig just talk abt how the past centuries have gone and ig while xd is fronting (??? i think itd kinda be like DID in a sense w multiple people being able to front yk?) dream is in a sort of semi conscious state but still hears everything going on around his own body until hes thrown back into the drivers seat (i think that xd would only be able to front for short periods of time due to the vessel n shit that makes sense right) and hes so confused someone please help him hes just a dude who happened to get possessed by a god someone help him so when they finally get back to technos house he sits dream down and explains the best he can without literally melting dreams brain. which would also play into the 'technoblade never dies' bc hes. literally a god. mortals cant kill him unless they have idk some sort of super weapon idk and blah blah blah xd gets what they want and finally has the ability to leave finally leaving dream literally the shell of a man with no home friends materials or anything with techno to basically take care of him until he reaches some semblance of stability again (which would take ages, realistically (wdym realistically) going from normal, to a god sharing a body with you and speaking in you brain living as a single being together and hearing their thoughts, to back to normal but with all the memories of what you did and what they made you do and also no more god speaking in ur head it would take a hot sec to recover from) so he lives with techno (whos, not to mention, another god) for a while until he can fend for himself again and after a good year or so passes and no one hears from dream they start to look for him and see what happened bc he went from the biggest threat on the server to just. gone. no one knows where he went after whatever he did and they want closure. is he dead?? who knows. so george and sap set out looking for him and decide to ask techno for help since hes good w directions n shit also he was the last person to see dream alive so he might have an idea of where he is and they walk up to his house and knock on his door and techno opens it and just stares at them he knows who they are, dreams talked about them before but hes never met them really so he talks to them, getting through the polite hellos how are yous before sap finally asks 'do you know what happened to dream? no one knows where he went and we just want closure' techno huffs and tells them to wait there he (this is the basement door im using his arctic tundra house in my head) goes down the ladder to the second basement, they can hear him talking to multiple people (ranboo phil dream) but cant tell who everyone is before coming back up the ladder, back to the door. he tells them to wait outside he needs to get something first (its dream hes getting dream) theyre standing out by carls stable when the door creaks open and dream steps out looking around for who the fuck could possibly be looking for them he betrayed everyone and most people thought he was dead who could possibly be here asking for himself and not ranboo or philza and when he steps out, his green hoodie (memento made by ranboo to help him cope w the loss of the voice in his head) catching the morning light off the snow and he was happy and then he saw them standing by the house hed grown to call home at least for now he breaks. he missed them so so much it hurt. he never expected to see them ever again much less them come looking to see him but hes scared he realizes he doesnt know what to say there is nothing to say he fucked them all over he ruined everything and then hes being hugged. they missed him too. they dont forgive him jsut yet but they missed him and thats enough for him right now. the three of them stand there just being in each others presences and techno creaks the door open to make sure they arent trying to kill each other and sighs and leans against the frame smiling. hes happy again and thats the best he can do for him. he invites them all in and offers to explain everything to them to try and ease the blame off of dream bc in all honesty it was his fault but xd made it far far worse that it should have been (a bit late but foot note abt xd i think that they would be an idle god until someone w intense feelings of powerlessness and insecurity like awoke them from their techno induced slumber and inhabited dream to help him fulfill his desires for power and control) and by the time he and dream are finished its late at night and sap and george are ??? so u were possessed by a god who techno killed centuries ago in a duel and it amplified ur feelings of insecurity and ur thirst for control to the point of isolating urself from us and destroying everything everyone cared abt?? also technos an ancient god who lusts for bloodshed but also makes turtle farms in his free time?? are we getting this right????? and techno and dream are just yea thats abt it glad this all made sense then they all go to bed (its a small house dream has a lil shack like ranboos and sap and george somehow slept over there for the night) and in the morning sap and george leave again but promise to come back, they still arent ready to forgive and forget bc even tho it wasnt all his fault his emotions getting away from him is what caused this all in the first place so they do need time to process now that they know he isnt dead and dream continues to live near techno in almost full independence and eventually moves back with his friends even tho many still hate him. hes happy and for now thats enough. another foot note; even after xd leaves his being, he still has the extra eyes, glowy freckles n is xtra tall n shit that cant just be reversed but now that hes himself again these things take their tolls on human bodies so i think hed have something at least similar to arthritis bc of how his bones were literally manipulated bc of how strong ethereal magic or whatever is. so he would still wear the broken mask but he takes it off now and is ok with it being off hes working on getting better now that hes himself again and everyone living w/by techno is helping him with that. also i think that he would get blinks of xd's memories like from when techno was killing them and have sumn like ptsd panic attacks from it and techno feels super guilty abt it but theres literally nothing he can do except apologize and after the first few times dream stopped him from apologizing bc it is his fault but he didnt do it to him so it doesnt matter to dream at least and they live in pretty much harmony until dream finally moves back in w george and sap the end. he also started wearing the mask in the first place bc of the extra eyes but he played it off as being uncomfortable around new people and not wanting them to know what he looked like until he trusted them (bc that literally makes sense irl how funky is that) so sap and george never pushed him and when they caught him without it on on the rare occasion they wouldnt pressure him to leave it off or anything even tho they already knew what he looked like (when they respect ur boundaries </3) they just assumed that it was insecurity (it was but also mans had like 3 eyes so) and just left him alone

#dream smp #long post under cut #dream mcyt #technoblade #dream xd #i love dream xd their concept is literally so fucking funny to me #this idea hit me like a train at 11pm and i wrote from 12:04am to 1:02am scribbling this down in dms on discord to my friend whos asleep #fic au idea #i should start a whole tag of that wanna bet how many posts would be there #edit: there are #2064 words and #10582 characters under the cut #what the fuck #is we fuckin doin

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blookmallow · 5 years ago

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workin on skyrim houses.... i am steadily amassing all real estate in skyrim lmao

most of this is super old news now but i never got around to posting it so

i hate that bag back there so much every single time i see it i think its a person for half a second

moved my family to solitude and everyone seems happy

fuck YES this is the kind of room worthy of my beautiful children

i got TWO MORE MANNEQUINS who are both very unruly and frequently refuse to stand where they’re supposed to but i at least haven’t seen them move,

what is this room down here??? is my housecarl sleeping here?? why doesn’t she get a bed this place is enormous. lydia gets a bed. argis gets a bed. what the fuck is this nonsense

also i built an alchemy lab for my wife bc she used to be an apothecary’s assistant and i thought she might like it and I DO ACTUALLY SEE HER USING IT which makes me enormously happy

i dont know if your spouse just always makes use of the things in the house or if its a particular characteristic for muiri or not but i like to think she appreciates my efforts

im not using this house for a whole lot yet its mostly for my family

this isnt related to houses i dont know why this is in here but i dont feel like moving it, anyway this guy was offering what he clearly described as “meat pies” at the fire festival but then it turned out to be apple, which is probably because apple pies are the only ones that actually exist in the game’s coding as far as ive ever seen/they probably wanted to avoid this being The World’s Rarest Pie or something but its still :’) odd

time to BUILD AN ENTIRE HOUSE!!!!! by MYSELF!!!!!

I HAVE A COW!!!! LOOK AT HER!!!! COW

i dont have a lot of progress shots of the falkreath property but it took a Very Long Time :’ ) its coming along great now though i think i just have a couple more things in the basement and it’ll be totally finished

check out this sickass taxidermied skeever i got

yEAH!!!!! SKELETON!!!! YEEAAHHHH

as it turns out, though, owning a house outside of the city is, uh. apparently very dangerous, because, in addition to the giants constantly going after my cows,

SKEEVERS

I DIDNT KNOW THEY COULD GET IN THE BASEMENT

man you dont really fully appreciate the size of these fuckers until they’re in your goddamn HOUSe

i didnt REMOTELY expect them to be in here so i didnt even notice them for a good few minutes, i was just like. fucking around sorting things or something when i suddenly noticed Movement

for half a confused second i thought they were just like, hanging out and was momentarily very pleased with the new friends i had obtained before they all started attacking me :’)

had to kill them, which is a shame because i would have absolutely loved to have random skeevers hanging out in my basement. why must we fight

this also meant my basement was full of skeever corpses for a bit until they despawned lmao

but, ok, rats in the basement, giants getting in your yard, thats like, understandable hazards, i guess, but falkreath was not done with me yet

I HAD BANDITS COME BARGING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE

ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO DO THIS???? THEY CAN JUST DO THIS????

you have the option to move your family in to this house if you want to and im fucking glad i didnt, children cant be harmed as far as i know but they could’ve come in here and fuckign murdered my wife

I MEAN I UNDERSTAND THATS. THE WAY THINGS ARE SOMETIMES IN A PLACE LIKE SKYRIM BUT COME ON NOW

aNYWAY, i and my. snarky dark elf friend from solstheim who was with me at the time killed them all and there wasnt much in this room so nothing important got knocked over or anything, i dont know where the fuck lydia was during all this bc she’s supposed to be guarding this house and she didnt do shit, but

ALRIGHT. SURE. MY HOUSE IS FULL OF CORPSES AND THERES BLOOD SPLATTERED EVERYWHERE BUT ITS FINE EVERYTHINGS FINE WE’RE FINE

the corpses and the blood disappeared the next time i came back here but. god :’)

i bought the windhelm property a while ago and forgot about it/didn’t want to remodel it bc i didnt want to lose the fuckign butcher crime scene but finally decided to investigate it

unless you choose to pay to have it cleaned up you do Not in fact lose the crime scene. you could potentially move your kids in here and still have blood everywhere. i m losing it

welcome to my lovely home

i feel like theres somehow MORE blood in here than there was before but i dont remember

you can remodel the secret room into an alchemy lab without removing the murder debris which is VERY funny to me

also very kind of the windhelm steward or whoever remodeled this for me to provide me with fuckign black soul gems,

arent these like. illegal

one of my mannequins got stuck in this ridiculous pose for a while and the helmet is absolutely not helping lmao

#lucy plays skyrim #i THOUGHT i posted this ages ago but here it is in my drafts anyway. why #scooby dooby queue

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defensematrix · 5 years ago

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red dead redemption 2 spoilers // rdr2 spoilers

okay...... so.. ow

i finished the main storyline two days ago and then finished the epilogue last night

i have been spoiled for a lot but it was NOTHING like how i expected tbh. i knew that “arthur dies from tuberculosis” and i was really dreading it bc like, right before the game came out on PC i went through a really shitty period where my 14 yr old dog slowly died from some kind of lung infection he couldnt fight off, and my mom didnt want to put him down so he ended up dying at home, and i dont want to get too graphic but basically what i was expecting was a similar thing happening to arthur where he eventually is just too sick to go on and has to lay down and die

which like, yeah technically that happens but a big factor is also the fact that while he was fighting a potentially fatal illness he was forced to do so fucking much for dutchs insane "plan” and then got beaten within an inch of his life by micah “living bottle of hot piss” bell

and i got “”spoiled”” when i was looking up treasure map stuff and saw the phrase “over by where you kill micah” so i was like ok cool, i will get to kill this bitch and all his taunting about arthur being ill wont matter bc hes gonna die first but HAHA OBVIOUSLY THATS NOT WHAT HAPPENED. i feel like the whole micah thing was less satisfying bc i had to play John Marstons Heterosexuality Simulator for several hours before actually dealing with him

but i will save the rest of that for a separate epilogue post i think, anyway

i started crying when i realized i had just said goodbye to charles, and i started crying again when you send jack and tilly off, and then REALLY started crying when that music that plays when you say bye to sadie and abigail started playing. the fucking music throughout the whole ending + the credits is so heart wrenching and i think the opening notes to “thats the way it is” will make me sad for the rest of time

also the fucking. horse scene. i was on buell for that so it was extra painful but it just gets me that arthur was being screamed at to keep moving bc they were being chased and he had to stop everything to say thank you and make sure this creature wasnt alone when it went and aughuhjgkhfkgjh ITS MAKING ME CRY......

also i went through the entire game on high honor so i never realized that the deer transition scenes were reflective of that until i went to look up alternate endings, which in retrospect makes that last shot of the deer so fucking emotional for me like idk, the artists and animators did a really good job on it where the animal looks like its fucking proud of you?? like its glad you made it on its side or idk i might be overemotional and reading into things

i was kind of stressed out during the end bc im bad at brawling in general but i do like that arthur went down fighting. like that sort of gave him more agency i think and let him have some meaning in his death

i was gonna make one more point bc i have charthur brain worms but then i realized that should be another post. anyway im sad about arthur and i already want to start the game all over again

#pet death mention #which is a weird tag to put on this but it is relevant #long post #rdr2 spoilers #red dead redemption 2 spoilers

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bluesfm · 5 years ago

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( park chaeyoung , twenty two , & cisfemale ) who ? these days , it’s all about blue hyong, who comes from los angeles & ca and is making headlines as a singer . she currently has a fan count of 42k , no thanks to the rumors of them being inflexible ! but , on the other hand , their most devout fans say they’re actually imaginative . last i heard , they caused quite a buzz when she publicly dissed her new record label and the misogynistic treatment she was receiving from their reps ! it’s no wonder they remind me of long rants in the notes app being posted to her twitter account , empty bottles of wine laying at recording studios’ floors & notebooks upon notebooks filled with lyrics she might never use but refuses to let go of .

well hello human friends !! n also hello to the non human friends too , wassup . i’m angie a dumb noodle from the middle of the south american jungle , and i’m here to introduce yall to this mess i call blue who’s a muse i have had for yrs now n carry w/ me wherever i go , with some minimal changes but she’s still the same messy bitch on the inside don’t worry folks ! so i will provide u w/ some background info on her n some possible connections under the cut . issa lil messy but we’ve been away for a while pls bear w me

blue is the only daughter to a couple of south korean immigrants that came to america when they were in their very early 20s n already expecting blue in order to chase the american dream n create a better life for themselves n their family . their life was pretty hard for a big part of blue’s childhood , while they were both studying n working odd jobs to pay for their education all the while taking care of a child . so blue didnt have the best childhood , not that her parents were bad or anything they just didnt have time for her . nowadays , they are a lot more comfortable in life , since her dad became a lawyer n her mom is a nurse , but they definitely didnt have an easy beginning .

ok so maybe bc they werent present durant most of her childhood they didnt notice a lol of signs that might have made things a lot easier for them , bc by the time they were available to emotionally be there , during her early teenage years , blue was already kinda a mess . she had grown up w very lil structure n refused the rules they tried to instill on her n was already used to doing things her own way . that lead to a lot of conflict between them , since they expected her to study hard n do well for herself in a nine to fiver when she was already sure art was the only way to go n while she did ok , she definitely wasn’t as good as her parents expected her to be .

so ... u know her teenage yrs were basic girl angsty she fought a lot w her parents n rebelled frequently n ran away from home like ... weekly , but she never rly had any real hardships . life was reasonably good but she always had something to complain abt ... just as she liked

[ MENTAL ILLNESS TW ]

but then she reached her late teens they all realized there was something going on other than the usual teenage angst she displayed all the time when she had her first manic episode . her parents thought it was a “ blue thing “ at first bc she was usually a very impulsive person n she rly didn’t have a habit of thinking before acting on her impulses , but her mom quickly noticed the signs of a manic episode when she realized how aggitated n restless she was , specially when blue described an hallucination she seemed to be having . they took her to a psychiatrist , she was admitted to a hospital n diagnosed w type 1 bipolar disorder n very quickly medicated . while the medication brought her out of her episode , n she was allowed to go home after her mood seemed to stabilize , blue also noticed it stunted her severely emotionally n decided ( against medical n parental advice [ pls dont do it fam !! take ur meds ] ) to quit her medication , falling into her first major depressive episode a few weeks afterwards . n for abt four years she’s been living w her disorder , n she doesn’t medicate at all . she’s super open abt her struggles n she has a Lot of them , specially w how much drugs n alcohol she consumes . i never said she was smart yall .

[ END OF TW ]

ok so as u probably assume , blue is an emotional mess . she has a very chaotic personality , n most of it isnt even from her illness or anything she just is a very chaotic person in general ? she is one of those artsy ppl who forgets to wash her own clothes so she ends up wearing the same dress for like , 3 days . she’s super outspoken n outgoing n rly easy at making friends if u can get past the dumbass energy she exudes 24/7 ? but yes just a very outgoing person n a outright mess most of the time . she is also soooo stubborn u will never get her to change her mind abt smth she believes to be right about in any way . u just cant . she loves a good time n loves partying n is the lack of impulse Queen soo if u got any bad ideas she is the one u should go for if u need any company . also .... so dramatic . she makes a big deal of everything n has 0 apologies abt that . just catch her crying over high school musical 3 or smth like that .

but yea on the bad side tho , blue takes up n gives up on projects so easily n she can be super fickle abt things in general . like , she will defend an idea for 7 hours but 2 days later she’s already onto smth else n doesnt even remember being so obsessive abt that other thing ? a mess . is also Quite abrasive ? if she thinks ur acting dumb shes not gonna be scared to call u out on it . can also have a Reaally explosive temper . not usually but specially during manic episodes she can be quite easy to annoy ngl . is very unreliable , especially if ur not too close .. tbh that is something connected to her disorder . when she’s on a manic episode , she will be too busy planning things she will never get around to doing or painting her entire house or spending 3 days awake n drunk writing 17 songs by herself . n during her depression is very hard to get her to do anything n even if she feels terrible , she rly cant be an available friend .

in regards to her sexuality , she’s an open bisexual and also is a crazy romantic n falls so hard for literally no reason . but like ... doesnt have the healthiest mentality for relationships ? not like in a toxic way but she will usually give 145% of herself at all times n honestly believes all of the ppl she falls for are the one (1) just wants to make things work no matter what . she’s v impulsive w/ meeting n falling for ppl tho so things dont rly end up working n she always ends up heartbroken over it . Well . At least she’s trying right ?

in regards to her career n art , she’s posted youtube covers n original songs for a couple years and gathered a decent following ? she wasnt huge or anything but she did get a record deal w an actual big label out of it a few months ago . blue was pretty happy abt it but then when the recording process started she realized they werent treating her as she thought she deserved at all ? which resulted on her taking her thoughts to some reps of the label n when she didn’t feel any difference in the way she was being treated she took it to the public ? which definitely caused quite a sitr bc she wasn’t a huge name but she was big enough ? so now she’s in some considerable trouble w her label but Also more famous than ever so they are choosing not to bury her for now ? she’s in some definite trouble though so it’ll be fun to see what happens next n what her moves will be ? spoiler alert : it’ll prob be smth dumb.

i still have so much to say but i’m so lazy wow . dont start ur intros so close to opening time folks thats my tip as an old internet auntie . OK SO ONTO SOME CONNECTIONS NOW

some label mates who she may or may not get along with ?

hookups !! she prob has a few she regrets too bc who doesnt am i right

best friends !! ppl who actually support her n she loves w no restrictions just love all around friends

exes </3 not gonna lie i have some sad ideas abt this one

good influence bc blue is a mess she needs one of those pls someone slap her head n make her drink some water

a fling she has feelings for but may not be requited ... i like my romantic connections to be angsty did yall notice

artistic soulmate !! someone her artistic bitch side just vibes with ? could be a songwriter or singer or anything tbh

some indecisive romantic shit where blue rly knows sh’s too messy n this person is too amazing ? but they still have feels so ... now what ?

this is p mcuh it ?? it has taken so long to finish this i hate myself but HEY if u like blue or dislike her u should hit me up so we can come up w some plot ideas ? i wish i had a quirky goodbye idea but my brain has just quit working guys so u get nothing from me other than a good old fashioned goodbye thanks for ur attention i love u

#cala.intro #sometimes i surprise even myself w how unorganized i can be #i am sorry this is so messy im trying to keep it on brand tm #also i cant believe i actually finished this

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shakespearean-tc · 5 years ago

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Last day of school post?

Originally posted July 3rd, 2019 Ok so i guess it wasnt my official last dayof school but it was like a month ago and i decided to,,, talk about it??? since i never did and it was literally like ugh my heART this is basically more stuff about A so if you arent interested ignore this post

So,,, the last day that i really went to school was this thing that ,,,, idk if other schools do it but its lagoon day where the seniors go to Lagoon and like half the teachers go to chaperone, right??? So i got there early because I always get to school early and I saw a familiar mess of brown hair and i just got hype??? My heart practically did the happy emote and he turned around and smiled really big and he was like “M!!!! Hi!” and he waved and stuff then he went up the stairs because he was heading to the class he was subbing for (that was before class)

Later my friends came to school and i was just kinda sitting there being a dork and daydreaming and then i was like “OH YEAH A is here!!!” and my theatre friend was really happy yknow and we jsut talked for a while and i was like “man i wish he was subbing for my french teacher, but i know hes not because she didnt hire a substitue because she knew like no one would come” and so i got a little sad but yknow i knew id see him at lunch and stuff

well the bell rang and i headed up stairs to the french room and it was empty from what i saw so i popped my head in and GUESS WHO WAS SITTING AT THE DESK

YUP YOU GUESSED IT

So i played it cool because i can totally do that yknow and just kinda leaned against the doorframe and i was like “well, fancy seeing you here.” and he looked up and smiled again and laughed and he was like “are you following me?” and i laughed and sat down in my desk and i asked him how he was etc etc and we jsut talked for a while until the bell rang signaling that class was to start but??? no one walked in??? and so i was talking to him when two of my friends walked in and stuff and so we just?? sat and played cards all period long?? i say this but we actually (A and I) broke into song because I mentioned this musical I really love (Hadestown) and A kinda stared at me for a minute and his eyes went wide and the conversation went as such:

A: “Wait, you like Hadestown?” Me: “Yeah? I LOVE Hadestown.” A: “I… I love Hadestown too! I just didn’t know that anyone liked it.” Me: “Okay, wait- What’s your favorite song?” A: “Well, Way Down Hadestown is SUPER great, but the one I really love is Wait for Me or Hey, Little Songbird. I wish I had Patrick Page’s voice. What about you?” Me: “Hey, Little Songbird is literally one of my favorites. Also same?? I wish I could sing as good as anyone in the cast.” A: *he smiled and started singing it (his vocal range is tenor so he hiked up the key and we changed the tune a bit because yes)*

So we literally ran around the room singing Hey, Little Songbird and like, 17 other songs from miscellaneous musicals. My other friends joined in too and it was so much fun

Obviously, we were still in school, and so that class period had to end ;-; I had Physics next and I was whining to him how I really didn’t want to go. He turned to me and said “Listen. You’ve gotta go to class M. If you actually get permission from your teacher to come back, then fine. But I don’t want you to skip class because you missed me.” I agreed, begrudgingly and headed to Physics, which was literally across the hall.

I went in talked to my teacher and was back in the french room in like under 15 minutes

The classroom was empty and he was just sitting at the teachers desk playing pokemon on his frigging nintendo ds and i laughed and he looked up and was like “oh hey, i didnt think you’d be back” i told him my physics teacher told me i could leave since,,, she doesnt really like me and i had already done everything i needed to do like fr its the end of the school year why would she want me to hang out in her class for an hour???

anyway i hopped up onto the table and we just,,, talked??? about everything??

I told him I was super bummed about school ending and not being able to go to Drama class everyday. He told me he was worried because him and his girlfriend were having a lot of issues lately and he was struggling with knowing to stick it out or just break it off. I told him that I was not gonna influence his decision whatsoever, but that whatever he chose,,, he needed to keep in mind that HIS mental and physical health was the most important at this point. We eventually brushed that subject away because I told him I would be of no help at all bc,,, ive like never been in a healthy relationship so i didnt know what was right and what was wrong - i dont remember how but i think he asked me how class was going and what classes i was going to be happy to be done with and i was like “hOOOO BOI HISTORY CLASS fOR SURE” and he kinda laughed and was like,,, “what why”

and i just weNT OFF telling him how trashy of a class it was and that no one would pay attention and that my teacher would always rant about democrats and liberals and just say all this garbage about how trashy immigrants were and etc etc and he just sighed and he apologised that i had to deal with a teacher like that and we started to talk about some prick in that class that went off about how rape isnt rape if she doesnt outright say no

me and A just,,, bonded over mutual disgust for this kid haha

anyway after that i just kinda,,, decided to lay down on the table bc i was tired and i kinda sighed and stared at the ceiling. I think A could tell something was up with me because he asked me what was wrong and I kinda gave him a “nothing is wrong im fine” kinda mumbled response. of course this is A and he obviously knew i was lying so he asked me again and i jsut kinda started to choke up and I sat up with tears in my eyes. Immediately he was like, “Omg what’s the matter whats up” and I just,, broke down and told him I was super worried about my friend who he knows as well. I told him that I was stressed and that I felt like our friendship was mostly one sided. That I was just there because… I was the one that put everything into our friendship and instead of her giving AND taking as well, it was just her taking and taking and i was left in the dust. I basically poured my heart out to him and told him that I didn’t want to break things off because I didn’t want to hurt her but I told him that my mental health was suffering gREATLY. Of course, he took my advice and shoved it back into my face. It went something like this,,, A: “You need to take care of yourself. You. Come. First. You put everyone else before you, and that’s such an admirable trait, but you need to take care of yourself as well. Your mental health is in danger because you refuse to put yourself first. And you need to. At least, every once in a while. Anyone is lucky to have you care so deeply for them, but… you need to step back and be selfish for a while.” (I kind of flinched when he said selfish, because I have a big issue with that word, and I guess he noticed) “Why do you- You don’t like that word. Selfish. You don’t like it, do you?” Me: “I just… I’ve been called selfish a lot by my family and past friends and romantic… partners…? I don’t like it at all.” A: “You? Selfish?” *he laughs* “Bull. You’re one of, if not THE most selfless people I know. Listen to me. It is OKAY to be selfish sometimes. Not all the time, yeah. But you need to take care of yourself.” Me: “I just… I love my friends so much that I… I’d rather that I be miserable and they be happy, because… then they’re happy. Y’know?” A: *he smiles, but I think it was kinda a sad smile because his eyes looked a little tearful* “M. You have a heart of gold.That’s rare nowadays. In my opinion, it’s a blessing and a curse. You just need to learn to take care of yourself. You are the most important person in your life.” The conversation kind of… fizzled out after that emotional,,, discussion but we did talk about college and I asked him a lot about being a student teacher. The bell rang, we said goodbye and??? That was really it? I visited him at lunch and we ate and talked a lot more because I had a bunch of questions about college (i’ve been thinking about going to the same college that he is because they have a really good teaching program) but that was,,, pretty much it. School’s been over for a while and I just asjdfajf i miss him a lot this post was so long super super sorry haha have a good day i guess??? end of the post??? how do i finish this whatever goodbye yall haha

#I adore him #He's too good to me #I love him #teacher #student teacher #student #teacher crush #teacher x student #student teacher x student #tcc #tcc blog #tcc community

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nintxndos · 6 years ago

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an nsfw ask meme (hide ur eyes kiddos)

I was looking through my blog and saw I answered this ask meme back in 2016 and the answers are preeetttyyyy different so I thought i would give it a go again

1. Are you a virgin? nope havent been for a hot minute now

2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size? Yes ive mentioned it to my bff a few times lmfao

3. Do you know anyone who has any STDs? Yeah my fucking dad (actually it may have been an sti but still)

4. Were you married when you first lost your virginity? nope lmfao

5. Do you swear under celibacy? nah man

6. When did you first lose your virginity? If you haven't, when would you like to? ugh back in 2016 not a good time tbh

7. Have you ever gotten tricked into aphrodisiacs or alcohol for sex? nope

8. Have you walked in on someone masturbating/having sex? Yeah my parents when I was 5 amd I still remember it vividly

9. Have you ever seen someone masturbate or have sex with their permission? yes I quite enjoy it tbh

10. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex? the couch in my boyfriends parents house when everyone was home

11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex? car sex bc I dont want grass in my asshole

12. When was the age you first masturbated? Whether you knew it or not? probably 14 or 15

13. Have you ever helped someone "finish"? yes I really love it too

14. Have you ever had an erection in the past month? (clitorial counts, too) I dont know?

15. When was the last time you have had an erection? (clitorial counts, too) didnt know this was a thing tbh lmfao

16. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? gonna take a guess and say no

17. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) clitoral

18. What is your bra/penis size? 38DD

19. Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself or a family member? yes

20. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? a boys dick ayyy

21. Do you like rough sex or intimate sex better? rough sex gets me fucked UP (though intimate is nice too)

22. When was the last time you masturbated? uhhh 2 days ago maybe?

23. When was the last time you had sex? god two weeks ago and im dying i swear

24. When was the last time you watched porn? a few days ago maybe

25. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? yes i have y first was a little blue bullet and the most recent is a vibrating dildo

26. Guys: Circumsized? not male

27. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? thighs and neck fuckkk

28. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? the clit baby!!

29. Girls: Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? nope though wow good for the ladies who can

30. What color/type of underwear are you wearing? blue panties and a floral bra

31. Have you ever sent someone a picture or video of you in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? absolutely

32. Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website? Did it include sexual actions? nope

33. Have you ever anonymously sent/posted a picture or video of yourself in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? nope

34. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? nope

35. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? maybe a week or so ago?

36. Which wet dream was your favorite? not sharing lmfao

37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? well im currently dating my best friend of 7/8 years

38. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? yes

39. Have you ever masturbated with someone? yeah

40. Have you ever took a shower with someone that is not a family member? no :'----( I dont even wanna fuck in the shower I just want my back washed

41. Favorite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you? honestly i love missionary

42. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? Fuck yes

43. Are you into any BDSM? god yeah

44. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? yes because we live 3 hours away 😪😪

45. Turn on's? choking, spanking, being called names, ropes

46. Turn off's? age play is a no go

47. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? Was it about anyone other than your lover? yes i have and since we started dating absolutely not

48. Have you ever had phone sex? Video sex? Chat box sex? yes like all the time the (since he lives 3 hours away)

49. What was the weirdest thing that has ever turned you on? uhhh I cant think of anything right now tbh

50. Do you like dirty talk? oh fuck yeah

51. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? usually quiet bc i have to but I love being loud for my boyfriend

52. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? yeah someone came downstairs and started yelling abt something, also my bf and I were fucking on the couch and the remote fell over

53. Most embarressing sex/masturbation story? god my exs mom walked in right after I gave him a blow job and she was like "what are you kids doing?"

54. Most hilarious sex/masturbation story? bruh my bf and i were trying to fuck and we had to watch his sisters dog (like in the room) and she started trying to sniff his ass it was so fucking funny he jumped off me

55. What kind of porn do you like to watch? I dont really watch porn anymore tbh

56. First type of porn you have ever watched? (ie. lesbian, hentai, threesome) leabian for sure

57. What was the most recent type of porn you have ever watched? What category was it under? uhhh threesome I think

58. Most hilarious/stupidest porn you have ever watched? dude this man had a pizza around his dick and the chicks grandpa deadass had a heartattack and she still rode him

59. Have you ever fantasized over someone older than you? How much older? Younger? How much younger? chris evans tbh (older by a hot second)

60. Favorite sex toy (if any)? I quite like my purple dildo

61. Have you ever had to break up with/divorce someone because you weren't satisfied with their sex? nah

62. Have you ever used anything/gotten any surgeries to improve sexual performance/feel? nope and probably never will

63. If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower? yes for my boyfriend anytime but not for any of yall sorry

64. Have you ever told someone any wet dreams/fantasies you've had about them? yes my bf is a fan of them

65. Do you like to have sex like they do in pornos? no bc I have real orgasms (finally!!!)

66. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? yes I tell my bf and we have phone sex at least once a week

67. Are you able to be secretive when you masturbate? (like able to be quiet so no one can hear?) yeah I kinda have to

68. When was the first time you achieved orgasm? when i was 15 I was literally sitting on a closed toilet in my house bc I shared a room at the time w my sister so i had no choice

69. Is there only one way so far that you have been able to achieve orgasm? (ie. only by using toys, only from 1 positon,only from masturbating a certain way) nah I can do clitoral, clitoral/penatrative, and just penetration

70. Favorite type of oral? the kind w his tongue on my pussy?

71. Strangest sexual positon you've tried? havent really done any strange positions

72. Have you ever made up a sexual postion? not that I'm aware of

73. Girls: During sex, vaginal or anal? vaginal i fucking hate anal

74. Girls: During masturbation, clitorial, vaginal, or anal? clitoral

75. Do you like to be dominant or submissive? I love being a whiny sub

76. Have you ever masturbated to someone? yes

77. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn't there when you needed them? god yes that is why I usually masturbate

78. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? yes and absolutely not

79. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? yes and no

80. Have you ever had sex with someone who wasnt your partner? not while we were dating no, but ive had sex w people who arent him

81. Has any of your partners had sex with someone else? yes

82. Have you ever gotten pregnant? Were they your lover's or someone else's? nope though ive had a scare or two

83. Birth control or condoms? birth control

84. Do you ever masturbate to porn? not really anymore

85. Does anyone know you masturbate? Did you have to tell them? yes and not really?

86. Did your parents ever find out you were sexually active? yup

87. Do you have any STDs? nope

88. Have you ever masturbated to a fictonal character or celebrity? yeah when i was like 15/16

89. Have you ever had sex during "7 minutes in heaven"? nope never even played bc its lame

90. Spit or swallow? Or do you not like oral? I swallow if he cums in my mouth but i love getting it on my faceeee

91. Have you ever been rejected for sex? Have you ever rejected someone else? nope and yes

92. Do you have someone who said they are willing to take away your virginity if you havent lost it by a set age or if you just want to have a good time? no

93. Have you ever experimented with the opposite sex? yes

94. When you first lost your virginity, was it intended or spontanious? intended bc thats the only way we ever had sex unfortunately

95. Has anyone ever walked in when you were taking a shower with someone? nah

96. Did you ever tell someone once you lost your virginity? yeah I literally called my best friend (current boyfriend)

97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated? yes

98. Does your lover know that you want to have sex with them but cant? yes!! we dont live together and we are constantly horny it sucks!!!!

99. Do you like masturbation? eh

100. (Asker's ask) If i were to ask you if we could have sex, would you say yes? nope sorry

#mine #ask meme #meme #ask #ns/fw

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uniformbravo · 7 years ago

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i have too many thoughts bouncing around in my head so uhhhh im gonna talk abt shit

welcome 2 episode 43647 of my shitty slice-of-life text post series

school tomorrow i dont wanna go!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! depressions been hitting me tf up like some kind of MotherFucker n im so tired i h8 both of my classes i just want 2 lie down & turn into the floor -______________-

read 12 chapters of fma yesterday its good............. i dont love it yet but im definitely entertained so far & looking forward to getting further into it

also started reading silver spoon & it turns out the things i hated in the 1st ep of the anime didnt even happen in the manga who fuckin knew (im sorry i doubted u arakawa) so im actually enjoying the series a lot more this second time around! though that’s probably partly because i got rly attached to the protag halfway through s2 & now i get to dig out all the little signs of his low sense of self-worth on the reread so like. im having fun lol (watching him react to being told about livestock being offed for under-performing just the smallest bit again is..... so good.......)

watched all of aggretsuko today, like the original 100 shorts & the new series, it was p good! i honestly never planned to watch it bc like. i hate death metal / screaming bc it gives me anxiety & i knew this show would aggravate that but idk i heard good things about it from literally everywhere so i was like w/e im in the mood today i’ll just try it out & i blasted through it and enjoyed it v much

i think i like the shorts better than the show but that might be bc i watched the shorts first & got used to their rhythm? but at the same time i feel like the concept generally works better as little 1-minute tidbits. the show is a bit awkward sometimes in comparison but it’s a v good adaption regardless. it was interesting to see the concept executed 2 different ways at least. v fun show!

mmmmm still working on my silan portrait kind of!! i took a break for 2 days because 1. depression and 2. i was a fucking fool and played a Lot of piano on thursday so that put me out of physical commission for 2 days (honestly i was still feeling it today but i rly wanted to get back to work before it started to fade into yet another unfinished project). so yeah i got back to work on it today, and made some decent progress i think!

i mentioned in my other post that im working in clip studio paint, a program im not used to painting in, and i’ve definitely been struggling trying to get used to all these weird brushes but i think im slowly coming to an understanding and finding a technique that works for me? there’s an “oil paint” brush that’s good for blending & previously i was trying to use only that, since in photoshop i never switched to other brushes, i only used the one (hard round). the oil paint brush being a blending brush though, it’s basically impossible to lay down any new color on top of the old ones because the new color automatically blends with the old ones instead of coming out pure, so as a result all of my shading was coming out super soft and light which is not the effect i’m going for

so i found that using a different brush to lay down color first and then going in with the oil to blend made a huge difference & i was finally able to get in the darker shadows i wanted, but there was still the problem of details because like. the oil brush blends rly soft and it makes everything look kind of fuzzy, and it’s especially hard to deal with small areas for details

so today i started experimenting with a “watercolor” brush, which is basically just a normal brush with low opacity, and i’ve found it’s a good kind of middle ground between blending and carving in details, so that gave me a lot more control and is probably the closest i’ve gotten to my old painting style when i was working in photoshop

this whole process has just been rly confusing & im sure there are easier ways to go about this but i know i’ll get the hang of it eventually & get some good use out of this program, & it’s good to experiment with new tools i guess so?? it’s all good?? i’ll be honest im getting tired & this topic is kind of getting away from me uhhhh in conclusion im still working on the thing & i dont know when i’ll be done but i’m gonna fuckin. Keep at it

back to aggretsuko for a sec, something i rly noticed was the ost is?? really good????? i wanted to listen to it while i drew but i couldnt find it on yt & that’s like the extent of my music search capabilities on the internet so im p sad abt that bc that was like my fave part of the show rip

instead i listened to houseki no kuni’s ost which is fuckin beautiful ugh i finished that show a few weeks ago & it was very very gorgeous, like. weird and disjointed and a little tangential but fuck if it’s not put together in such an artful way that i can forgive all of that like what a way to create an atmosphere what a way to adapt a fuckin manga?? i tried reading the manga a bit bc lets be honest that anime ending was super unsatisfying but it just?? wasnt the same??? theres something abt the show being a 3d show and having the music to accompany its visuals & the way they did the lunarians especially holy fuck, it’s a completely different experience watching the show vs reading the manga & now im sad bc i want a s2 rly rly bad,,,;;;

anyway i didnt mean to talk abt hnk so much lol uh. i ended up listening to the op a thousand times bc god when i say the music for this show is rly good i mean it, both the op & ed are fuckin great (speaking of the ed that gorgeous animation holy shit,) along with its super atmospheric bgm just. god

as a reward for anyone who read through all this shit lmao here listen to hnk’s op it’s super good i promise

also watch the ed lmfao trust me it was a gift benevolently bestowed upon my eyeballs and now so too shall it be upon thine

anyway im fuckin tired & i think that’s all i wanted to say so like. peace

#retag later #my last post like this i think the read more didnt work on mobile so if that happens again i am. sorry #(if it happens again and tungle mobile disappears these tags then double whoops)#talkin bout stuff #today posts #ss blogging

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s0ftkwan · 8 years ago

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reunions - yoongi

890 words

its been 2 months since you last saw yoongi

your break up was chaotic to say the least

it was raining on the day you finally said that enough was enough

ever since you could remember, yoongi had been giving out different reasons for not contributing to your relationship

when you wanted to go out for dinner, he would always tell you he was tired from his job

one night, you were writing an important paper for your class that needed to be submitted the following day

yoongi closed your laptop and tackled you onto the bed because ‘he needed you more’

you finally snapped though when your anniversary came around

and he completely forgot about it

seven fuckin years you think a guy would learn

he came into your apartment with his mint-colored hair wet from the strong rain outside

“geez its really raining cats and dogs out there ba–“

he shut up when he saw you in a fancy dress with a full face of makeup on

a confused expression was plastered on his face before it finally sunk in

“shit.... was that today?“

those four words were enough to send you through the roof with anger

you started cursing at him, yelling about how he’s never changed in the slightest ever since you started your relationship

he was still the same lazy, unmotivated man you met seven years ago

and so you leave

you take all of your clothes and belongings and shove them forcefully into one suitcase

also you take your dog

of course yoongi tries to plead with you and begs you to stay but nope. youre not having it

then youre gone

fast forward to two months later

the post-break up situation wasnt easy for both of you

you started seeing a man you met on tinder and even though he sounded pretty good on the app, he was a completely different person irl

he didnt bother learning anything about you and always liked to talk about himself, every opportunity that he got

whenever you went out with him, you just imagined what it would be like if it was yoongi standing in his place instead

then you start comparing him to your ex all the time

he didnt greet you good morning and bid you good night with chaste kisses on your face

he didnt intertwine his fingers in yours unconciously when you two walk down the street

he didnt crack punny jokes over dinner while you were drinking your water

he wasnt like yoongi at all

and you hated it

so you didnt even hesitate in breaking things off with him

yoongi on the other hand is struggling to make his life at least a little bit less pathetic

he realized that he was mostly in the wrong because instead of treating you like his girlfriend, you were more like a maid

he’s been working 23914 times harder in the hopes that when you want to see him again, he wont be as pitiful

he didnt expect that you would both be seeing each other very soon though

one night you noticed your dog was nowhere to be seen

you went around your whole apartment looking for her but you finally found her under the bed

when she didnt reply to you calling her name, thats when you started to worry

she wasnt eating, she didnt run around the apartment anymore, basically she wasnt the same

so you called the only person who would probably know what to do

yoongi

while crying and stroking your dog’s fur, you told him bout her odd behaviour lately

he tells you that he’ll meet you in the office in fifteen minutes

when he arrives, your breath hitches in your throat

its like the yoongi in front of you was a completely different person

his hair went back to being its natural black color and he looked just a bit paler and thinner from when you saw him last

you didnt think much about it though bc rn your priority was your dog

one of the nurses took her from your arms and brought her into the clinic

he told both of you to wait outside for a bit and you nodded worryingly

unfortunately the doctor informed you that your dog was in need of surgery asap to remove a tumor that had been growing for the past 3-4 months

so you and yoongi are in the waiting room waiting for just a bit of good news

youre telling yourself not to cry so much but you cant help it as the tears just keep streaming down your face

yoongi kneels down in front of your seat and cups your face in his hands

you knew you would have blushed a lot if it were any other situation but it wasnt

his thumbs brush across your cheeks, trying to wipe away the tears that keep flowing

then he sits down beside you and pats his shoulder

“sleep. i’ll tell you when the surgery is finished“

so you hesitantly rested your head on yoongi’s shoulder and whispered to him softly

“.....i missed you“

“................i missed you too“

you couldnt be sure of what you heard next since you were already close to being fully asleep

but it sounded just a little bit like

“and i still love you.”

based on a movie i saw recently. if you know what im talking about, im sending you a hundred finger hearts rn

#your dog though #jk dont worry shes fine #bts au #bts imagine #bts imagines #bts scenario #bts scenarios #yoongi #yoongi au #yoongi imagine #yoongi scenario #suga #suga au #suga imagine #suga scenario

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leegeumhyuks · 7 years ago

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Seventeen in Toronto Highlights (Long Post)

this is gonna be such a shit post im basically ranting bc i have a lot of seventeen feels rn (its gonna be long too)

the concert happened like 4 days ago and I’m still not over it

Okay so I live in new Brunswick so it was a 15 hour drive one way. We drove up the day before and drove home the day after.

It was tiring, but so worth it. One of the best experiences of my life(oh btw i went with a friend ^^)

(not relevant to the concert but we went to a cute Korean store called Sarah and Tom which had a MASSIVE collection of kpop albums so I bought Going Seventeen and a BTS album :) )

Alright so the concert was at a place called Massey Hall which is more like a theater than a concert stadium [lowkey looked like a place you would go to see a play or an opera or some shit]

it was a pretty small place so really no matter where you sat, you could see really well so any seat was a good seat

Me and my friend were center-balcony near the back so we had a very clear view of the stage (other than there was some tall dude in front of me so it was a bit difficult at times)

We arrived outside the venue at around 6:20 (concert started at 7) and the line to get in already went around a whole block. People were stopping to ask what was going on and apparently it made the Toronto news??

So we get in at around 6:40 and the venue is already more than half full and theyre just playing music videos and everyone was singing along

And when I say everyone was singing along i mean everyone

Honestly I only remember a few of the songs but I they played BoomBoom, Very Nice, Highlight, Healing, and Check In

I have never been happier in my entire life when every single damn person in the venue did Mingyu’s “WhhoAHHH YeaAAHHH’ part. Super. Fucking. Loud

Alright so let me tell you my dudes, It was the biggest adrenaline rush when all the lights went out and you could see the boys run out on stage in the dimness. My heart felt like it stopped.

The lights turn on and I hear Dokyum say “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Diamond Edge” but honestly I wasnt even paying attention bc I was just so blown away

Literally my very first thought upon seeing them was “They’re not real” bc the very first person I looked at was Jeonghan and I thought he was so damn gorgeous he must be fake

He’s literal ethereal. I could go off about how good looking he is. Honestly the true visual of Svt (i swear hes not my bias)

So the very first stage was Pretty U and honestly I dont remember much bc i was too busy freaking out over the fact that I was actually there and they were actually here. I just remember everyone dancing along to Dokyums “Neoneoneoneo” part and all of us doing the “Yeppeuda” part

(they performed Beautiful right after and i really dont remember much of it other than the dance in the chorus [i have such a shit memory its mainly why im making this post before ill forget it all])

So after that they went straight into Adore U (which is my fav svt song although it probably isnt anymore after habits but ill talk about that in a bit)

Oh man if you thought I went off about Jeonghans visuals let me tell you about this mans vocals. They’re so sweet. Sweeter than honey. Jeonghans part in the chorus is my absolute favorite part of the song and it sounds 10000x better live. He just sings it so flawlessly while doing the dance and overall I was just so impressed??

Jihoon also sounded amazing but like let me just take a minute and say every single member sounded fucking perfect and flawless like if you aren’t stanning Seventeen then what are you doing

And the dances were so on point too. I didn’t notice any slip ups or anybody trippin or nothing. Like you’d think they’d show signs of fatigue or being tired bc they did two shows the few days before but they were all so hyped and gave their all in every stage and they genuinely looked like they were enjoying themselves

Anyways back to Adore U

Everyone in the crowd did the “Akkinda” part and I could see Soonyoung smiling so big bc of that like he was really happy bc of it

After Adore U finished they all lined up to do their intros and introduced themselves as a group and then did their individual intros

Most of them just did a casual “Hi I’m ___” but then you had the extra™️ members

Soonyoung got us all to chant something (im not sure what it was exactly I think it was ‘rock the beat’) and then he did his usual “What time is it??” “10 Hour 10 Minute” which honestly made my life i was hoping for him to do that (i love soonyoung sm honestly most of my favorite moments of the concert were bc of him)

Dokyum also did a thing where he got everyone to scream for him

All of their intros were great but none of them were as memorable as Jihoons for me

I know a lot of people were saying ‘He’s not that small in person’, but to me he was so small and cute and I just wanted to go and hug him bc hes so freaking adorable

So Jihoon’s kinda quiet and shy in general, we know that from variety shows and such but I saw it a lot in the concert. Like when other members were talking he just stood quietly with his hands folded and there was this one part where they all ran towards the edge of the stage and gave hearts and Jihoon like covered his face a bit and looked embarrassed

So anyways he does like this cute little “Hi guys” and I just fucking melted right there. I made an audible “awwwww” sound that my friend was like ???

I love Jihoon so much and I will forever see him as the cute and adorable little smol (boi got a voice tho holy shit)

So they talked a bit more after that about how they walked around Toronto a bit the day before and how they were impressed with the crowd dancing along to Pretty U and Mingyu taught us a little chant where they would say “Seventeen Carat” and we would go ‘clap clap Ehhhhh’ it was weird but cute

So they went straight into Still Lonely from there and I hate my brain for not remembering most of it bc its one of my favorite songs but I just remember Minghao doing Jun’s part in the last chorus and sounding amazing honestly i want an official 13 member version of that song

So after that was Very Nice which was indeed, very nice. Dancing on point. Dino and Vernons rap were amazing and the whole audience did the “Maja” part

Also dont remember much of that stage but I definitely remember the last part bc thats the part where my son, Chan, is in the front. 10/10

Okay so I have 2 favorite performances of the night. One of which was Swimming Fool. I am such a hoe for Performance unit (considering 2 of my biases are in it) so actually every performance of theirs was my fav but Swimming Fool tho.

That song is one of my favs and I had never seen the dance before so I was basically dying the whole time. Soonyoung’s little wiggle dance and the jumping up and down dance that Chan did. The whole dance was so cute tbh Ive been re-watching that video every day since. (if youve never seen the dance pls watch this. Not my video tho)

Alright imma talk about Soonyoung for a minute. This boi. Was so hyper the entire concert. He was doing his usual yelling during songs and was giggling a whole lot, I noticed. (He also dabbed like 20 times and i was like someone pls stop him)

(There was one part where he went and dabbed right in front of Jihoon and i laughed a little harder than i should have)

And I’m honestly so glad that Soonyoung was feeling great the whole time bc apparently at the Chicago(?) show he wasn’t able to perform bc he was sick so we were extremely blessed that all 13 members were well and healthy to perform for us so like thank u jesus for keeping them all safe

(I was lowkey worried about that a lot before the concert bc of when I heard Hyungwon was missing parts of the tour with MX so I was like “Lord pls let it be all 13″)

anywho so all the members went to change outfits and they played a vcr (dont remember what of tho i have such a shit memory)

So yall they did Mansae next and started out with the class chairs and Dokyum was the teacher at the blackboard it was rlly cute!! ^^ And towards the end they repeated the “MansaeMansae” part and got everyone to do the dance it was such a great time

So while the rest of the group was preparing for the next stage(i presume), Chan and Seungcheol came out, just the two of them, with a gopro and said it was the camera for “Going Seventeen” and were filming the crowd and interacting with us a bit. And then they had a dance battle (Which Dino clearly won Seungcheol didnt stand a chance against Michael Chanson)

So then everybody came out and did BoomBoom which was incredible (every stage was amazing i feel like i shouldnt have to say it) Most of the crowd even did the shirt thing which was really fun. Chan slayed his rap (i love my son)

So after that there was another vcr and the members changed outfits again

Vocal unit came out and sang We Gonna Make It Shine and boys let me say I have never fell in love with someone vocals so much before in my life. Like I’ve always loved Jihoon’s voice bc it was unique and its got a nasally tone to it and I love it, but hearing it in person made me love it 100x more

And for a while I actually thought Jihoon wasn’t singing?? Bc he just sounded so flawless, like exactly like the recording that I thought ‘maybe hes lip singing bc his throat is bad or something’ and I’m hitting myself now for even thinking that bc really Lee Jihoon is just the most amazing vocalist I’ve ever heard Boo Seungkwan who???

So yeah Vocal unit slayed even though I’ll always like the 2014 version of that song with Soonyoung better

As soon as that song ended they went straight into Don’t Listen and omg let me talk about visuals. The stage had this whole setup with a table with some fancy ass candles on it and there was a throne that Joshua was sitting in and the lighting was really eerie and I really don’t listen to that song much but im gonna listen to it every day from now on bc damn

HipHop unit had their turn next where they did some song which I had never heard of before called “On Haeng Il Chi” and it was dope then went into Check In and once again everyone did Mingyus “ohhhhhHHh yeahH” part (glorious I tell you)

Seungcheol was serving looks the whole time bc he was wearing this black suit set and he just looked so good the whole time. Honestly Seungcheol was such a tease the whole concert and i got a look at his thighs at one point and man he thicc

Vernon was also wearing this nice green shirt and I just really liked it for some reason and I wish I had taken more pictures and videos I hate myself for not doing that

AlrIGHT Performance Unit time!!! So leadin up to the concert I thought they were gonna perform “WHO” bc it was a bonus track and I just thought they would perform it for some reason so when they were all standing there ready for the song to start, the amount of confusion on my face when OMG came on… Wasn’t disappointed tho that performance was awesome

Still would like to see a performance of WHO tho I hope they’ll do that next time

And then they did Highlight and me and my friend even switched seats so I could get a better video of it bc I love that song so much. Also leading up to the concert I knew they were going to do this song but I wasn’t sure if they were going to do 13 member version or not but I’m glad it was just the 4 of them

Oh man okay I’m gonna talk about my bias, Chan, for a second. His stage presence in every song is seriously amazing. A main reason why hes my bias is bc im a huge fan of his dancing and his dance style(and he pretty cute) and seeing him perform live was incredible. it was almost overwhelming bc I couldnt believe someone this talented existed and I was watching them in their element

Like he put his all into the dance while still executing his raps and vocals perfectly. His voice actually does sound a bit different live, like its a bit higher than I expected but he was so on point the whole night why is he such an underrated member

Okay so the members had another outfit change after this and these outfits were straight up sinful. Not to mention the first song they performed in them was equally as sinful so I’m going to on about this performance bc this was the best performance imo. I will never forget it. It’s ingrained into my brain forever

So Crazy In Love starts. Okay so I don’t listen to this song much as far as just listening to it in my free time, but I’d seen the dance before so as soon as I heard the music, I knew we were royally fucked. I wasn’t expecting this song probably bc i forgot it existed but its my new fav song guys this performance ruined me.

So the lights come on at the very first part and these mofos are wearing tight black skinny pants (which looked like they were leather but they werent) and red silk sparkly shirts that were tucked in. Every single member looked flawless

(Also didn’t mention this before but all of their hair was styled so well bless the stylists. I normally prefer a more natural color for hair on idols so I was glad the colorful dye had faded and most of them just went with black or brown)

But lord have mercy when the song started. Okay Chan is my bias but I could not stop staring at Soonyoung almost the entire time - minus for Chan’s “talking about love” part (which I remember doing the dance for and screaming while doing so)

Like you get Swimming Fool Soonyoung whos all cute and playful and going “YEEEE HAWW” during the song and then you get Crazy In Love Soonyoung whos all bedroom eyes and sexy glares and just everything about the way he moves is mesmerizing (i swear. Hes NOT my bias)

So getting through the first chorus is hard enough when BOTH my bias and bias wrecker are up in front doing that provocative shit and I was so conflicted on which one to stare at but I ended up staring at Soonyoung the whole time.

And then in the second chorus when it’s just Jeonghan doing it and both me and my friend screamed so loud ugh the outfits were so perfect for this dance i wanted to D I E

And then it gets to the Part in the song yknow the “Ooohhhhh” part where they spin around and when it was Soonyoungs part to do that by himself. I don’t even have words for how that made me feel. That image is in my mind forever. You know that meme thats like “you ever wonder whats going on in someones head?” well yeah its that for me

It’s just Soonyung doing that one dance move

okay moving on Ive talked about this enough

My I was right after and I’d never seen the dance to that either and it was really beautiful and cool like idk how to describe it. It was like a very romantic type of dance and Jun and Minghao had such great chemistry on stage together they really blew me away

OKay now imma freak out some more bc Vocal Unit performed Habits. I actually recorded this whole song so I wasn’t really paying attention to what was happening on stage bc they were all just standing there with mic stand anyways. I was enjoying the audio and their lovely vocals. (Again, Jihoon really exceeded my expectations in this song. Like for some members like Dokyum and Seungkwan I know theyre gonna sound great and its not like I didn’t for the rest but I’m just still not over how good EVERYONE sounded)

So I’m enjoying them vocals and the song ends and my friend taps on my arm and points to her face and there are actual tears. This bitch really cried. At the time I was like “during Habits of all songs??” but i was so naive now I understand(I cried 2 days later listening to that song)

Hiphop unit then did If I which I remember 0 of I think I was still too shook from Vocal Unit

I just remember their little hip thrust dance and then immediately after was a ment and Soonyoung was mimicking HH units dance and giggling like an idiot and got the whole crowd to sing and dance to If I

“Ohh Toronto. Dancing good”

Then they were all arguing over which unit’s performance suited Toronto the best but then decided that they all did

And then Soonyoung dabbed

Too many times

Everyone also dabbed with him this group is a M E S S

And then they got Jeonghan to do Aegyo so he spun around and made a heart and said “Toronto I love you!” in the cutest voice possible I swear I’m in love with Jeonghans voice

And then Wonwoo did a cute little dance to which we all chanted ‘Go Wonwoo’ for and then Soonyoung dabbed

again

(It made Jihoon cringe every time)

Then Jeonghan tried to get Seungkwan to sing something and Boo was like ‘moVING ON” but he gave in and sang a bit of Hello by adele which was really nice. Like damn the acoustics in that theater were no joke bc its a theater (i assume) made for plays and stuff and him singing without any track sounded really nice.

And then they asked my boi Chan to dance so he started singing Billie Jean by Michael Jackson and doing the hipthrust dance and Seungkwan ran over like ‘nOO”. But Chan just kept dancing and singing and having a good time and being w i l d to which Seungcheol cracked up at. He literally fell on the floor laughing

And they kept going on about how this was a totally special stage for Toronto, “only for Toronto”

So then they went on to say they were gonna perform a very “hot” song next and my clueless ass was like ‘Don’t wanna cry?’ but naw it was ROCK which I only recorded part of bc the lighting was bad and my phone sucks

But okay I can just say that Wonwoo’s voice sounds 10x deeper in person. If you thought his rap was really deep in that song, wait until you hear it live. For a long time Wonwoo was my favorite rapper in kpop and I think hes regaining that title he was very good the whole night and I really like his deep voice

and then they did Chuck which was SO AMAZING HOLY CRAP

I love that song sm in the first place but I love it even more now upon seeing and hearing it in person. I recorded a bit of that one too and love it i watch that video like 3 times a day

So then they had another short Ment where they taught us the dance to Chuck and Soonyoung doing the “brrrr” part was so adorable I wanted to die. (I feel like Im talking about Soonyoung a lot but im just so glad he was able to perform in Toronto ilysm)

So then Vernon was like “I actually have some bad new for yall” and all the members were like ‘whaaat??’ and pretending to be shocked

So Vernon goes on: “The next song is actually the last song for the night” and Soonyoung made this fake crying noise and then dabbED LIKE 5 TIMES

That was when he went over to Jihoon and dabbed right in front of him and then was like “Oh my god our last song?”

and then Vernon being the cheeky ass that he is was like “Yeah and I really dont wanna cry about it” and then him and Soonyoung went to the back of the stage to “cry” and all the other members were “crying”

Then Vernon came back and like “I wonder what our next song is tho? Hm????” and im like really bitch

So Soonyoung yelled ‘are you ready’ a few times and then they performed Don’t Wanna Cry which was INCREDIBLE

They were all in perfect sync like im seriously amazed. These boys probably have to practice day and night to get dances like that. It was amazing

So the boys left the stage for a bit and there was a another vcr which was of all the member explaining what carats were to them and it was really sweet and my friend cried again (she cried like 3 times that night) and I died at Jihoons bc there was this short clip of him and hes just so darn cute

so they came out again and performed Shining Diamond but were wearing casual jeans and half were wearing blue shirts and the other half were wearing pink shirts and Soonyoung looked so good in that outfit bc his shirt was tucked in in the front and his hair was just so great

anyways they all looked like they had fun performing that song and Soonyoung was yelling as usual and there was one part of the dance that was super satisfying bc all the colors of the shirts lined up and it was just really nice to look at.

And then they performed Healing which we had special banners to hold up during. There was one part I remember bc I couldnt see bc everyone was holding their banners above their heads, but Seungcheol jumped onto Mingyus back and koala hugged him for a good minute and a half and Mingyu kept trying to get him off and Seungcheol just smiled like an idiot and latched on. Eventually he got down and then grabbed his water bottle and dumped half of it onto the people in the front(splash zone)

So once that song ended, Toronto Carats had actually prepared something special for Seventeen. So certain seats had a red board on it that you would hold up after Healing ended but only so many seats had them so it made a message in the crowd and I think it was just 2 hearts and ‘1 7′ and the members looked really surprised like Vernon and Minghao were next to each other and were like :O

Seungcheol and Jeonghan looked really shocked too, overall none of them expected it

So then the goodbye ments came and I was ready to die as soon as they started. They all said the similar kind of thing like “we had a good time we’ll come again soon ect…”

But Minghao’s was all in english and it was the cutest damn thing i have ever heard in my life. He started out with “Today I am so happy because of our Toronto Carats energy.”

and then says the cutest shit ever: “We are like friends. We look after each other and love each other” He also kept looking over at Vernon to make sure he was saying it right

and then he said something like “we care for each other” and the fkcigingf df went “and everyone, don’t be sick. Always be happy okay?” IN LIKE THE CUTEST WAY POSSIBLE I WANTED TO SCREAM I MEAN I PROBABLY DID BUT STILL

and then I only remember Chan saying something like “We’ll be back soon, and when we are you have to promise that you’ll come to our show” and then Soonyoung and Seungcheol held out their pinkies for us to promise them and I held my pinky bc I damn promise if they come to Toronto again I will be seeing them for sure. Or I’ll try my best anyways

and they all gave us hearts and said they loved us and did a bow and then all had to leave the stage and I almost cried;;

I remember Soonyoung was the last to leave the stage bc he kept waving and saying goodbye

Also I remember a person sticking their hand out one last time and it was kind funny bc I just see this random hand pop out for like a split second. I didn’t know who it was at the time, but I later found out it was Dokyum :3

So yeah, he’s not my bias, but Soonyoung made my night

Anyways. I’m still having post-concert depression. Honestly I don’t think I’ll ever be able to listen to another seventeen song again without crying. All in all, it was one of the best nights of my life and if it wasn’t for my best friend who bought the tickets and surprised me with them and her mom who drove us up the whole long way. Highlight of my summer.

#i say honestly a lot #god this is long #took me like 3 hours to write and i had to watch fancams to remember stuff #i love seventeen so much you guys honestly u dont udneratand #i cried like 3 times the other day #bc of them #seventeen #diamond edge #toronto #2017 #svt #17 #my post #long post

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btsxlami · 8 years ago

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📢LISTEN 📢 UP📢 ARMYS📢 HERE ARE 23 UNDERRATED ¿!MORE!¿ RAP MONSTER TRACKS THAT YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY POSITIVELY SHOULD CHECK OUT by @btsxlami

Hey guys its your favourite Namjoon promoter here again a.k.a LAMI! My last post got a lot of notes so whoop whoop and included my personal favourite 23 Namjoon tracks which you can find here

Part 2 of my underrated Namjoon series.

Here are 23 more bc damn Namjoon has a lot of fcking songs!

Disclaimers: (HOLD UP IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME SEEING THIS I SUGGEST YOU SEE PART ONE)

1. i will include tracks that Namjoon covered

2. I will include tracks that Namjoon featured in

3. I will include tracks that I personally feel the need to be well known *so no I won’t put expensive girl even tho thats my shit*

4. This list will be a bit more laid back since I covered a lot of the most important songs in the last list sooo

5. since i covered his best and most “important” tracks in the last list theres not many left but ill probably include his REALLY early like pre debut fetus tracks with his underground rapper friends, tbh I personally don’t think they are the best but you can definitely see how he grew and where he started from

6. enjoY! and reblog kekeke

7. THIS IS A LONG ASS LIST AND I FUCKING ANALYZED EACH SONG SO I EXPECT YALL TO READ AND APPRECIATE NAMJOON GODDAMIT

8. you can always go to BTS’s official soundcloud for unofficial official tracks yeet

9. titles with stars are ones i recommend ( i should of done this for part one yikes)

1. Voices by Rap Monster ⭐

from his first 2015 mixtape RM > Check out the full album here >> X *you can refer to more mixtape songs in my previous list

I feel as if this song is the closest a fan can get with Kim Namjoon. Just listening to it you feel a bit relaxed and almost a bit sad when you start listening to the first half of the song. This song reflects a person’s tender emotions and voices that run inside of someone’s head when they are confused. I remember listening to this 2 years ago and towards the end Namjoon starts screaming out all his pain and I started crying. C R Y I N G

Namjoon had a really smooth life up until he started pursuing hip hop. He was a beyond smart student and had a happy family so why the hell would he be depressed? He had his whole life ahead of him right?

But this lyrics totally breaks that facade down

“ I didn’t have any dreams just like my lyrics, every day in that way the functions and equations that couldn’t give me an answer in the end those things became uncountable injuries “

Despite having such amazing grades Namjoon did not know what the hell he wanted to do with his life, he didnt want to go into something academic despite being good at it, he was lost in life and his academics could not make him happy but instead hurt him even more.

“ thought I could catch the mirage known as happiness but the me in front of my desk wasn’t happy even for a moment without my mom knowing, I put a sheet of white paper between the pages of my workbook “

This verse totally broke me apart. He wanted to be happy while being in school but school sure as hell did not make him happy. His parents looked up to him as some smartass freak but without them knowing he started writing his own lyrics to cope with his hardships.

“my identity that I wrote down matched to the drum and bass a different, relaxed feeling compared to when I got my report card even when I was #1 my heart couldn’t relax”

The music brought out his true inner feelings, music brought out his true personality rather than when he was almost robot like studying with no self-identity. Despite being number one in class he still felt an emptiness that only music could fill.

“even as 7 years passed... still making my mixtape by myself in one corner of my room some say I’m fake, okay, I admit it, my dark past I can justify it, but I won’t, so that kind of problem won’t happen again the pedal that I stepped on for 7 years has finally been oiled “

Namjoon has been writing music and tried to get recognition for 7 years, despite Bangtan getting fame he is still lonely writing his own mixtape in a dark corner, kind of pathetic ehh idk, in his mixtape interview his dark past was his problematic sayings and actions. He felt the need to appropriate culture in order to rap. He then figured out that music and culture had nothing to do with eachother, music is for everyone. *I’m fake*

And finally after all the hardships after 7 years he is finally started to receive praise and attention!

2. WE ARE BULLETPROOF PT.1 by: Rap Monster, Supreme Boi, and Iron ⭐

Composed 6-7 years ago when Namjoonie was about 15 or 16 THIS SONG IS FUCKING BOP.

2 of Bangtans were also first members are featured here: Supreme boi (yall probably familiar with him) and Iron! (i hope iron never affiliates with Bangtan ever again tho we dont need a criminal around them yikes)

3. Hook by Supreme Boi, Iron, and Namjoon (also the track used in Yoongi’s all i do is win)

Extremely old and pre debut, but old is gold

Probably one of Namjoon’s only ‘diss’ song, he usually doesnt diss others while he raps tbvh

4. Seventeen by Rap monster

I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDNT MAKE FUN OF HIM BC 15 YEAR OLD NAMJOON AT THE TIME WAS PROBABLY REALLY PROUD BACK THEN BUT HE LOOKED SO FUCKING FUNNY BC DAMN THAT HAIR AND HIS VOICE SOUNDS LIKE A CHIPMUNK BUTHUSDHUFUFSUD

5. SKOOL OF TEARS By: Rap Monster, Suga, and Jin ⭐

Absoloute MASTERPIECE! FIRST OF ALL THE ORIGINAL TRACK IS FROM SWIMMING POOLS BY KENDRICK LAMAR AND I LOVE KENDRICK! SECOND, THE RAP FLOW SOUNDS AMAZING NAMJOON IS GOING SO HARD AND DAMN YOONGI BACK AT IT AGAIN! ALSO CREDS FOR BABY BOY JIN FOR SOUNDING SO BADASS HERE BUT HERE IS WHY I LOVE THIS SONG!

I think its absolutely amazing how Namjoon especially writes song towards youth suffering in school, it takes a lot of guts to write against a society that has been around for decades.

“ This is a ring called a classroom This is a stadium with no referee only an audience You know there will never be a victor everyone will lose There will be no victor everyone will lose”

“ That’s right, in the end school is like another mini society A jungle made carelessly by adults They made the weaklings weak, they made the strong powerful Of course since they were strong they made the weak suffer A society built on the teachings that friends are only for pretend The morals of adults made us step on the weak to rise to the top “

Its clear to see that Namjoon has suffered in school but also isnt afraid to address the truth.

6. Expensive girl by Rap Monster

( I FUCKING DISCOVERED THIS SONG WHEN I WAS LIKE 11-12 AND I NEVER WANTED TO PUT THIS HEAR BUT YALL LIKE FOUGHT ME TO ADD THIS TO THE LIST GODDAMIT I HATE YALL I GOT LIKE HATE MAN OKAY)

“Take it off now girl just take it off (I’m a master, baby with your bra)Take it off now girl just take it off (I can help you slide those panties off)(..I’m a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before)x2″

7. Converse High (original version SUNG by Rap Monster)⭐

Yall probably heard Bangtan’s Converse High but here was the original version written by Namjoon that was rejected bc of the swearing omg damn joonie, BUT HE SINGS SO BEAUTIFUL IN THIS YESS

(funny story in seventh grade when this came out it was the last day of school and i requested my teacher to stay after school late so i could finish listening to the whole thing)

8. Suicide by Rap Monster

Rapmon wrote this mixtape in the point of view of a baby in his mother’s tummy. The baby’s parents are high school kids who are forced to go through abortion.

*this song was deleted bc of copyright and also the source of it is unknown but hey ITS IN ENGLISH AND DAMN NAMJOON RIGHTS DEEP SHIT*

(tf is namjoon doing u good)

9. What am I to you by Rap Monster from the 2014 Dark & wILD ⭐

if you DONT KNOW THIS SONG I SUGGEST YOU RETHINK YOUR LIFE DECISIONS BC LOWKEY HANDS DOWN ONE OF THE BEST INTRO’S TO A OFFICIAL BTS ALBUM (gif is from the live ver of this song and he started crying ok)

So Namjoon used to have a girlfriend who “mistreated” him. Tbvh we really don’t know what happened but on problematic men he said it wasnt anything serious it was just she would neglect him and not spend enough time but also hang out with other men.

(gif aint mine so gif blogs dont come at me)

But clearly the lyrics of this song are very emotional but the real reason why this song is a masterpiece is because of the rise of emotions.

It starts off slow and cute, Namjoon mentions how he loves the girl and how their love is pure and innocent, throwing cute love phrases and the song sounds so soft, hopeful, and romantic. But in the middle the music starts to get more serious and Namjoon starts to question the relationship. He feels as if the girl thinks of this relationship as more of a task and a job, and slowly as the song comes to an end NAMJOON STARTS FUCKING SCREAMING AND BELTING! ALL THE EMOTIONS BUILD UP AND HE STARTS SCREAMING “WHAT AM I TO YOU GIRL WHAT AM I TO YOU I DO LOVE YOU CRAZY UH DO YOU” LIKE IT WAS SCARY I WAS CRYING IM LIKE NAMJOON WHO TF HURT YOU

10. Always by Rap Monster ⭐

This song is more recent and farely well known but I still felt the need to put this masterpiece here. Namjoon said not to worry about him as the lyrics are really sad and almost ???SUICIDAL??? but he said he wrote this when he was stressed last year. Its kind of a self questioning song about life and your purpose. I cried when it came out. well i always cry when i listen to namjoon is it a surprise.

I'm honestly in tears because this song goes to show how hurt Namjoon still is even after all these years. Even after all these awards, fans, and accomplishments. Depression still hurts after a long time. I can tell that this song was talking about his past. This song literally made me realize Namjoon was questioning his existence and I wanna hold him so badly. Guys...we could of lost Kim Namjoon. My absolute favourite human being in the entire world who saved my life. He is a human being who does not deserve such pain but I am so proud he endured it so well and look how far he came. One of my favourite verses "I live for the sake of understanding this world, but why hasnt the world tried to understand me atleast once" Its a really vague phrase which is why I like it. WORLD could mean destiny, fate, life, even parents. He tries so hard to accept his life, to understand his parents wishes, sacrificing his own happiness yet fate decides to only give him the worst. "Dad please listen to me" "dead dad, your dead to me," Talking about how his dad wouldn't let him rap. I remember him mentioning that his dad once told him all that education he worked hard for was for nothing and I can’t imagine how sad Namjoon felt in that moment. "I would tell god if I ever meet him, i would hold him by the collar and tell him this life is like a coffee I never ordered" A pretty sad and a bit confusing verse, maybe leading to why Namjoon eventually became an atheist. Namjoon was in so much pain he didnt want to be born. "I wished I was dead...... I wished “Someone would kill me" No Namjoon never utter such words. My joonie mini I hope you are better and hopeful now, look at how far you came, your so successful and loved, and you made your family proud. Dont ever doubt yourself and even think about death, just keep living happily and moving forward. He honestly felt lost in this point of his life and still continues to feel lost. Namjoon you have such in important role and your existence was destined. You were born for a reason. You were born to change lives.

11. J-Lim ft. Rap Monster & Iron - Ashes

12. TIPSY BY RAP MONSTER & SUPREME BOI

Namjoon wrote this in the beginning of his rap career when he was still trying to find where he stood as a rapper. He mentions how he isnt doing this for the fame or money and he isnt the next Nas or Tupac he just wants to rap for the love of it.

13. Rap Monster of 방탄소년단 (BANGTAN),Supreme Boi,i11evn,Marvel.J - You can't do that

*i suggest you skip ahead to 1:30 for namjoon fire verse, shade intended*

14. RAP MONSTER of 방탄소년단,Suprema,Marvel.J,Kyum2 - Rollin

I also recommend you to skip ahead to 2:40 BC DAMN BOY GOES HARD

But tbvh pre debut namjoon squad (supreme boi , young jeezy, iron are hella problematic and say the n word in this and still do so im like yikes im happy nam left you) “ They pissed, now rape me" bitch whet

yeah im just here for namjoons verse bye

imma mufukin balla on this mufuckin beat spit mufuckin rap on this mufuckin shit got mufuckin skill so im mufuckin phat its mufuckin trick and a mufuckin track i i bet you betta stop stopin da chatter im a rapper man, and i represent BPB im juss so greater than hoes

15. FUCK COCKROACHES BY RAP MONSTER AND ZICO *THIS IS SO FUNNY*

Zico was 15 and RapMon was 13 when they rapped this, Namjoon sounds like a chipmunk BUT ZICO SOUNDS LIKE JIMIN I STG!

16. Rap Monster- Thinking Bout you

Joonie Mini Representing Biggie smalls eyyy!

17. Glory By Rap Monster

"I'm a dick? Yeah, when you disturb me, I grow bigger" SO FUCKING DONE

*there was lowkey lowkey controversy bc he said he tore 4 hymens BUT DETECTIVE LAMI FIXED IT*

In the beginning Namjoon says that people looked at him pitifully because he joined BTS, the Underground rappers were disappointed with him which led the Underground rappers to leave him, which has ripped his hymen. Not 4 hymen of random girls. 4 and "I" sound the same in Korean

it's a bit weird but in this case he is talking about himself all the hate people showed has ripped his hymen symbolizing his innocence for music.

18. NAA BY RAP MONSTER

tHE ORIGINAL BEAT WAS DEUCES BY CHRIS BROWN I WAS DYING

19. REGULAR VOICE BY RAP MONSTER ⭐

A really sweet and open-minded song about Namjoon wanting a “regular girl” “Height? I don’t care. Age? I don’t mind it. When you say, “I’ll only look at you�� then I’m okay. Whether your skin is light or dark it doesn’t really matter, our love is deeper than that. “

I feel as if idols are pressured to have certain ideal types and say them out in the open, Namjoon had bad influences around him *underground rappers* which also influenced his negative sayings towards certain things but he wrote this song all alone at a young age which shows that his intentions are pure, and ever since he apologized for his wrong doings you go joon.

his voice sounds like sex

20. DREAMING BY RAP MONSTER

FETUS CHUBBY WTF HAIR NAMJOON IS BACK

okay but seriously you can see that despite being young he put a lot of effort and thought into this song!

21. RAP MONSTER of 방탄소년단 feat.김거덕 - RAP

22. 130305?? THIS TRACK IS UNTITLED BUT IT SOUNDS SO EPIC TF

23. Trouble by Rap Monster 🔞 🔞

OKAY IM BARELY AROUSED BUT THIS SHIT ACTUALLY HAD ME SOAKED IM SORRY GOD LIKE ITS SO SUGGESTIVE I STG

HIS SEXUAL FANTASIES I STG

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kookingtae · 8 years ago

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You have to make a huge post and tell us all the dreams I wanna hear 👀

omg so ive been putting this off for forever bc iTS SO MUCH but i think ive finally got enough time to sit down and type it all out (this is really long so if you want to read some of them, theyre below the ‘keep reading’)

the very first dream i ever had about bts was about jungkook big shocker there except it was long long ago in a galaxy far far away when i biased tae! it was me and jungkook making out on my bed, like full on making out with tongue and teeth and heavy breathing and everything (fUCK im getting flustered just thinking about it) and then all of a sudden he sat up and whipped his dick out! it was vivid af too so when i woke up i felt like i had really seen his dick. then he got back on top of me and we were about to fuck but mY FUCKING MOM WALKED IN!!!!!!!!!!! SHE COCK BLOCKED EVEN IN MY DREAMS WTF i was so mad at her when i woke up

my second dream (i pretty sure it happened while i was still biasing tae as well) took place in this olden day village on a cobblestone street, i dont remember the story behind it but all i remember is jungkook whipped out his dick aGAIN AND THAT SHIT WAS FUCKING HUGE!!!!!! like abnormally long LMAO i was like O.O and he just kept on stroking it and jacking off and i was like jUNGKOOK WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and then i woke up 😂

after that i lost track of the order they happened but i’ll just list them out (btw i know ive had more than this but these are just the ones that are most memorable)

one of the ones that had the biggest impact on me happened the christmas of 2015, and still remember it so clearly bc it was the dream that made yoongi wreck my bias list for the very first time. before then he had been like 4th? 5th? but this made him move all the way up to 2nd O.O

it started out as he and i were dating and i had just finished listening to a song he released where he SANG INSTEAD OF RAPPED!!!! AND IT WAS ABOUT ME. it was such a big deal bc that had never happened before and i was literally crying???? after i listened to it i was super emo and just wanted to see him and love on him and tell him how lucky i was to have him in my life. but when he called to say that he was outside my house to pick me up, i went out there all happy and excited and opened the passengers side door to see hoseok -_- i was annoyed to say the least. here i was on the verge of tears and wanting to spend time with him, and he brought a car full of ppl to accompany us on our date.

i proceeded to squeeze in the small backseat next to an already squished jin, namjoon and jimin. and to make things worse, yoongi was basically ignoring me the entire time to goof off with his friends. i hadnt even gotten a chance to tell him i’d listened to the song he’d just released bc he wouldnt give me the time of day. plus, the topic was too emotional to bring up around his friends. so as we went out to eat and squeezed into that tiny ass booth, yOONGI NOT EVEN SITTING NEXT TO ME, i got the bright idea to make him jealous. maybe then he’d finally notice me.

i did some subtle things at dinner, but nothing too serious until we got back to yoongi’s bedroom and everyone started drinking. i wasnt drunk, but jimin was so he was an easy target for my scheme. at one point he and i were laying down on yoongi’s bed, my back against him and curled into his embrace with his arm slung over my waist and lips lightly pressed to my neck. thats when yoongi saw us and snapped. he kicked everyone out, “that means you, dongsaeng. get your hands off of jordan” he even hissed at jimin and gritted his teeth. “ok, jeez,” jimin had said defensively, to which yoongi replied “thats hyung to you.” needless to say, he was pissed.

once jimin got off of me and i started to get up, yoongi turned to me and said “not you” in a less angry but just as stern voice. i remember being filled with rage, like “oh, so now you notice me?!” yoongi acted confused at first, but once he realized what i was talking about his expression softened and he seemed to feel bad. he silently pulled me into a hug and we laid down on his bed, both sad and feeling guilty at the turn of events. then the dream ended with us both cuddling in his bed, his cheeks between my hands and my waist in his arms, where i told him i’d listened to his song about me and we were both crying and saying how much we love each other and kissing sweetly.

after that, i had aNOTHER yoongi dream in the same night where i had the job of cleaning a dormitory that yoongi lived in. so he was basically my boss, but not really bc he wasnt the one who signed my checks. i still had to respect him tho. the thing was, i didnt speak korean very well (yes, it was a language barrier dream!!) and so he had to teach me some of the words and customs of their culture. a lot of the things i was doing were considered rude, so we didnt like each other at first bc he thought i was bratty and i thought he was an asshole. we fought all the time, eSPECIALLY after he made me call him oppa. i didnt want to show him that kind of respect.

but after a while we ended up bonding the more time we spent together (i was there everyday doing housework after all) and i developed a crush on him. it was unspoken but both of us liked each other, and at one point i confronted our feelings bc it was getting frustrating always having to walk on eggshells around each other and pretend like there was nothing between us. i wanted to be together, and yoongi did too, but then he told me that we couldnt bc he was in bts (which hadnt been brought up the entire dream until now lmao) so basically, it had a sad ending :”)

needless to say, after i woke up that christmas morning i was fucked up.

another one of my favorites was one with tae that i actually wanted to write a fic about when it happened!

i worked at this prestigious company of some sort, and i was in my high-rise building office and had a perfect view of my car in the parking lot below. at one point i was looking out the window and saw tae (who i didnt know at the time) in this black leather jacket breaking into the cars one by one and stealing all the belongings. he was going thru them in order and getting closer to my car, so i panicked and quickly ran down there to stop him.

i reached him rIGHT when he was rummaging thru mine, and i forget the exact dialogue but i remember bickering with him and we were both assholes to each other bc i was mad he was stealing my shit and he was annoyed that i had interrupted him. he told me he was taking everything to a pawn shop, and i managed to talk him out of cashing in all my stuff except for one ring that a family member had given me. he seemed shocked to see that i had it and told me that he had to take it to his boss right away. i was all liKE HELL YOU ARE so i jumped in his old beat up pickup truck with him and rode with him to go turn in it.

it was a long drive and along the way we started talking and figured out there was some sexual tension there beneath all that hatred and next thing i know, im practically on his lap while hes driving sucking a hickey into his neck. and then fucked in his car O.O needless to say, we hit it off.

he ended up parking at the pawn shop where he planned on cashing in all the other items, and for some reason there was a photo booth outdoors in the middle of parking lot on a median???? regardless we went inside of it and tae wanted to fuck. i was super reluctant about it bc i was like tAE ITS OUTSIDE SOMEONE COULD SEE OR HEAR US and he was like “so? live on the wild side a little” like the bAD BOY HE IS (my weakness is bad boy tae ok) and then we ending up fucking in the outdoor photo booth and i woke up!

another one was where i was on this pirate ship trapped as prisoner trying to escape, and i got the help of jin who i think was one of the pirates or something?? idk but i was super skeptical to trust him at first but then we started making out (it escalated really quickly lol) and i remember the feeling of his lips were sO PLUSH. after that im pretty sure i trusted him and he treated me like his girlfriend that he cared about and would keep on kissing me and eventually helped me escape!!

i planned on telling a lot more dreams than this but i dont have as much time as i thought lol :/ most of them are about jungkook tho, and ive had more soft, fluffy dreams about him than i can count on all my fingers and toes. language barrier ones, shy!jungkook ones, boyfriend ones - you name it, ive dreamt it.

my most recent one took place at a water park, and all of bts and my friend and i went on a day trip there. jungkook and i ended up breaking away from the rest of the group and were just being cute and doing our own thing. we would float in the wave pool a lot with my legs wound around his waist and my arms around his neck, and his arms around my lower back holding me against him, and we would kiss and laugh and do a bunch of cute relationship things 😭😭😭 IM GETTING EMO JUST THINKING ABOUT IT

but the majority of my dreams have been romance-based and made me curl up into a ball of sorrow when i woke up bc i know they’ll never be real :”)

#holy shit this is long #and i didnt even tell all the ones i wanted to #ask #anon

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j-cypher-moved · 8 years ago

Text

@the anon who submitted their message two days ago

I dont know why im doing this.. im sorry

Hey alice! I’ve been following your blog for a year now, i think? I havent regrettted following you bc your posts, whether they’re your own or just reblogs, always make me smile especially your happy tag. I read all your asks and I did come across your bunny anon and I liked how you took your time to reply to them. So… I know im being selfish right now.. but because you’re the only blog i follow that actually takes her time to read and understand a person without judging her.. and give a lengthy answer, i thought i should… try my luck..Even if you wont understand me..i’ll just write what comes to my mind without a plan and hahah im already getting tears in my eyes.. Also im really sorry Im submitting this, but I think its gonna be legnthy (sorry for that too) and im afraid tumblr would eat the seperate asks..

So.. to start off: Im turning 23 soon, but I really dont like myself. like at all? I mean, being 22, i should have achieved something in life,right? but i achieved literally nothing.

I finished school and the 13th grade (its not university but here its considered like a college. after graduating you can choose an even higher school, 11th to 13th grade. but its not university because that comes after 13th grade). I mean yeah i finished the 13th grade but for what? I did something i thought i wanted, but am actually miserable in and so i suffered for 3 years. the grades in my final certificate suck and so no “good job” accepts me and tbh, you’ll think im a slob now, i gave up? Im registered somewhere that sends you mails of companies that are looking for employees, but i gave up? Im not even sending my application anymore but at the same time i feel incredibly guilty for that. And the worst part is, this has been going on for 2 years now. I left school in 2015 and have beenliving home, like literally home, for 2 years

what i mean with literally is… I never go out. I dont have friends lol i dont know what i did wrong in my life but ever since 1st grade i got bullied a lot. there was a girl and fate decided that we should be in one school, in one class, till the 9th grade. and because i’ve been bullied so early on in my life I had absolutely no confidence to speak up and the bullying continued until the 9th grade. she threatened to “kill me” once because I didnt want to play with during the break with her (Im pathethic because i still hung out with her in school because i didnt want to be alone. I did it once, stay away from them in breaks but i couldnt handle it and just went to the toilet to hide and cried silently until the break was over). I did talk with my parents about it near the end of the year and they immidiately went to my school to talk with the teacher and also went to her house to talk with her parents. But it continued in school lol. My teacher at least made sure that I wouldnt get paired up with her for any group activities though. For 10th grade, the class got seperated and I was for once lucky enough because I was smarter than her and so i got into the “advanced” class. Everything went super well in 10th grade. I actually had people i liked and felt comfortable with to talk more openly and the boys in my class treated me nicely, too. I wasnt just invisible for them. Its still one of my most favorite memories. But it only lasted for 1 year and after graduation we all seperated ways and I was alone again. (back then we didnt even have whatsapp and FB wasnt that popular so we couldnt keep contact) 11-13th grade was weird. like i said its not something i can do and i struggled a lot during the years. the class was again..very childish. (i was the oldest because after 10th grade, i took 1 year off because i was too late to apply to any school, then a year later i got accepted but realized i cant do it so i left again. I had to wait another year to apply to another school so..10th grade -> 2 years doing nothing -> 11 th grade again) But i got treated like im not there, again. the girls didnt like me for some reason even though we have never talked, i even think some of them were racist. But i could hear them talking about me in class and the boys did nothing to stop them (not that i really expected it but still..) and it kind of… hurt me in a weird way? Like my pride? I was the oldest in class and they still treated me like that, but actually I was disappointed in myself because i let it happen again? I was that old and still wasnt confident enough to speak up to myself and let them look down on me. I only had like 2 girls in class that i could talk to and that was it.

Now… thats 2 years ago, like i said. I want to get a job to at least do something with my life because i dont have anything else im good at (and no im not saying this for show, i mean it) but also because i dont have anything im passionate about, nothing i like and nothing that i can see myself doing? and so i thought getting paid would be best for me. But…. im not trying and i know that. im not trying anything to get into a job, im not going out to look for jobs, i cant talk to people i cant even make a phone call to ask something. And I know getting anxious for stuff like this is normal, but its not normal to not do anything for 2 years, especially at this age (Just because im an adult doesnt mean i have to be one, i know, but still there are expectations of myself that i fail to achieve and so i only disappoint myself further, does that make sense?) Like… all i do… is sleep, get up afternoon, sit on my laptop, eat dinner and sit on my laptop and then sleep again <— this has been going on for 2 years. from 2015 to beginning of 2016 i was kinda ok with it, i thought I still had time to figure things out, but mid 2016 it started messing with my mind. I realized how pathethic i actually am. I cant do anything to help my mom lol im “eating” her money (im not a bratty kid that wants expensive shit but it still feels WRONG to use my moms money at this age) and almost everyday I get the random confidence boost and motivation to actually do something tomorrow, to wake up before noon and try and call this or that company or go out personally… but… i dont. Even if i wake up early, I get the dark depressive thought of “Why? why should i do that now lol i havent done anything till now so why now? its already too late do you really think you can do something with your pathetic self?”

I dont have a drivers license… I want one. Its actually my first ever goal i have ever set in my life for the beginning of the year. The “new year new me” thing. I got the eye-test done while I had to a checkup, but even that is a month ago. For weeks i’ve been trying to go to the drivers school or call them to ask them questions but im so incredibly scared?? of what i dont know?? Of getting judged because I am dumb. I was born in this city but i have no idea which streets is where or what they’re called, i cant do math and so im scared of trying to calucate the distance between cars etc. Well im scared to call because im scared of phone-calls in general and because i know that I set it as my goal to GO there personally but on the website it says to please call them for questions, and so i didnt end up going because what if they’ll laugh at me and yada yada all those thoughs…

Also… this is very, very… personal.. that no one knows except my mom… and something thats making me cry whenever i look in the mirror. I… am really hairy. lol wow a tear just dropped onto my laptop oh god… ok so im hairy, yes. I have a hormone problems according to my gynecologist. The Testosterone is higher than the Estrogen, and so i have a literaly happy trail + all visible dark hair all around my stomach/chest. Of course my upperlip is dark too and very visible. for my face, i just wax it. but I cant possibly wax my whole torso.. i do take the pill with more estrogen in it, but its not helping. I’ve been to many doctors and even to hospitals but no one seems to care or help me.. they say the pill will help but its been years and it doesnt. I cant look at myself naked…. I never had a boyfriend, no first kiss, no boy was ever interested in me (yet… hopefully) but even if someone would be ??? enough to be interested in me.. I couldnt get naked in front of them.. im so ashamed of myself and my body as a female. And i know the talk of “Media is trying to give you the picture of what a female should look like, hairless thin etc etc. / The one that truly loves you will love you and your body for who and what you are) But the thing is… im not happy with it /myself/. I dont feel comfortable. If we go to a vacation with my family I cant wear a bikini like other girls even though I want to, i always have to get a bodysuit that will cover my stomach… To you or anyone else this may sound like im overreacting, telling me to "just shave it” but its not that easy and seriously no one can truly understand that doesnt have this kind of “extreme” hormone problem…

I dont even know why im sharing all of this with a “stranger on the internet” to be honest… i just want to get it off my chest, to let SOMEONE know how i really am? an adult that does nothing? and know it but again does nothing to change it? I know i might need help from a professional, but i dont want to and i dont have the courage or will to go to one.

Regarding the boyfriend and friends thing… yes… i have absolutely zero friends and thats also the reason im inside all day. I dont see a point in going out ? and thats also something that leads to… no boyfriend. because I dont go out (i dont mean like clubbing but just in general, like daytime) i cant meet anyone you know?

Also… you know what i realized after being on this earth for 22 years? I dont know if its because i never had any friends or experienced it, but i cant feel geniunely happy for someone? or be really proud of them?(im talking about people i have contact with. I AM geniuenly proud of BTS but thats another kind of proud) To my few fleeitng friends that i had, i still found something that annoyed me at one point but of course i never told them that or showed them that (because i think its normal to get annoyed with a friend at one point) but like.. i was never truly happy for them. I never truly loved them i think? Like i somehow in the end I felt selfish and was envious? And to realize that really hurts me now because I actually have no right to feel that way, i should be happy that a few people actually had a friendship with me (and i am happy for that but.. its not geniuene.. i dont know if i could explain it well or get across my point) I dont know… it feels weird..Its like im not capable of doing that. i wonder if i can love a boyfriend in the future

After reading all of this you might think I look like how i am and behave, too probably.. like a unhygienic bum or something, but tbh, im not even that bad looking. I have long hair, I straighten it, I dress nicely and put on perfume, I do my makeup and eyebrows to frame my face nicely and I actually do smile while talking to strangers because i want to leave a kind first impression..

I dont know why i divided all of these later on tbh.. i thought maybe it wouldnt hurt your eyes that much like this ;; I just rambled and shared so much of myself, im so sorry. Please dont be creeped out @ anyone who decides to read all of this ;; I guess I… feel at least a little bit better like I can breate a bit better now. I went completely mute 1 week ago, i just woke up and didnt feel like talking to anyone (anyone= my mom and bro. only people in my life) so i just.. sit silently in my room all day..I hope i can get out of this “mute” phase and at least talk and laugh with my mom again… my mom.. I cant imagine how it must feel like to see the own daughter fail at life this badly lol..

Anyway— I am extremly sorry for randomly coming into your “ask box” like this and making you read this.. if you’ll read this that is.. please dont feel obligated to reply to this if you dont want to.. But thank you..

Hello anon!Thank you for following me and im really glad my posts makes you smile!(i didn’t think anyone will go to my happy tag but :D)

Also you are not selfish in my eyes,you don’t have to be sorry and I’ll try my best while answering you~~

First of all,I do not think in any way that by the time you are 22/23 you must archive something,especially when that ‘something’ is a social construct.In some societies the ‘something’ means finding someone to marry before you are 25,in other it means ‘finishing uni and getting a successful job’,in some others it means to just be able to finish school.However,no matter the case,just because something is considered a norm,doesn’t mean that it corresponds to the reality.Just think how many people try to postpone their marriage,even in places where forming family is considered as the number priority.

There are many things that fuel this type of thinking-that you must have some sort of significant achievement before a certain age-but instead of talking about the source of those,all i am going to say is that these words usually comes from people who are very stereotypically thinking without having a glimpse on what is going on in reality.Take for example,the job market(esp since you even mentioned it),people who are in their 40s-50s and go around shouting things like “but there are sooo many jobs!!you just need to try harder!!back in my day,i got my first serious job when i was 23!!”.Well...dear Robert...and every Robert who says things like that,apparently since you secured yourself a stable job from your 30s,you ‘kinda’ forgot to check how the things are today before saying things like this.The competitiveness is in job market is nowhere near the levels it was 20-30 years ago and this more or less applies to any country(i am telling you this as someone who studies this subject).

Besides,let me tell you,again as someone who is in the academic field, I know so many people,and even some of my professors,who changed completely their degree in their late 30s-40s because they understood that the thing they studied in the first place was just ‘not their thing’.Like, real examples,my professor who teaches now history of european parties (he is his late 40s) had his first degree about computer sciences,my professor who teaches macroeconomics,was supposed to be a chemistry teacher(and both of them are A+ teachers now btw).

As for going specifically to the bullet points-i am going to mix them up a bit-but first of all congratulations on your certificate!You did it,you have one,and it that is that matters.As for the job situation:i don’t know if this company sends you specifically job emails that have to do with the field you studied,but if yes,I get why you don’t even open them.As you mentioned,you ended up not liking what you studied so having a job revolving around the same field is very pleasant to say the least.Also,again as someone who has studied the issue,have you considered going to some seminars?I mean I don’t know how if your economic situation allows you to consider this as an option,but I thought I’d let you know that even if your certificate doesn’t have the best grades or even if you don’t have a degree/certificate at all,there are some seminars (in most countries) at reasonable prices,especially considering how many doors they can open for you.

For example the other day I was thinking about starting some seminars on ‘how to be a professional secretary’.Im sorry idk how to say this more formally,but that was their main point:to teach you how to be a responsible,productive secretary,for any field really.I mean think about it:nowadays (at least in my country) those who get to work as secretaries are usually overqualified students who just got their degrees (e.g law one) but the thing is,even tho it may be really beneficial in some issues that will have to do with law issues,the general job of a secretary is law-unrelated.As a result,these freshly made lawyers sure can be great in solving law-related problems,but when it comes to making an organizational document in Excel for the company’s needs,they get lost,because they studied law,not how to use these programmes.What I mean here is,even if your grades aren’t high you can still be competitive in the job market,so don’t let those discourage you.

Moreover,I hope I didn’t scare you when I said in my second?third? paragraph about how competitive the employment market has become,because even when it is the way it is you can still get a competitive edge over others,by ‘building up’ your degree(if you want ofc).

I must also mention that i don’t know your field nor to which jobs you are referring to when calling them as ‘good jobs’,but in some positions having experience is way more valued than having a higher degree.This means that you almost unavoidably will have to start from a lower position (unfortunately).Like for example,if you want to become a cafe manager,at first you will need to work some time a waiter,then as a cashier and then lastly as a manager,ykwim?

And one last thing,which is kinda the complete opposite on my previous ‘tip’ is that there are more and more companies nowadays that want ‘baby minds’ aka workers who have zero experience in the field so they can ‘form’ easier their job behaviour according to the company’s policy.Generally,as someone who has been studying about this subject and also side eyeing job applications,I perfectly do understand that there is a difference between the theoretical part and the the actual reality,and the companies that follow the second or the third strategy may be very few,so I am not trying to make everything seems as through some pink glasses,but!!!! To give you a boost and help you gain some confidence,because frankly no matter the job/field it may come out as very important thing.I also do not want to make you feel you bad or guilty,overtly or covertly,about not having a job!!!!absolutely not!!!i just wanted to show you that IF you ever think about getting a job,not to get discouraged immediately at the thought of the overall grades and that there are some ways,besides the certificate(and even more which i didn’t elaborate on here),that can make you a qualified worker.

About you not going out..Hmm..First of all I am really sorry that you got bullied by that girl especially in such a young age,when kids should gain confidence while being with their classmates/friends.Also,from my point of view,you kinda grew addicted to her,even though your relationship was so toxic and when I say her I don’t mean specifically her as a ‘’’’’‘friend’’’’’’ but the temporary,superficial and even fake safety being with her provided you.Not because she was great as a person,but because when you were together I suppose she bullied less when you were together with her and you couldn’t make any more friends other than her,so that’s why you were,to put it simply trapped.I am glad it is over for you.And if it is not,if you still catch yourself thinking about her even now or think that people still may be like that to you,I’d suggest going back to your school days and wondering why she was like that,not because of sympathy reasons,but to try to do a ‘breakdown’ of her personality and her behaviour.Why?Because once you understand that,you may get why she wanted to badly for you to be her friend and I repeat,this is by no means a way to excuse her behaviour,but to realize that even the scariest monsters,are not so scary if you draw them bunny ears and put some pink blush on them(if my predictions are correct,this must be the fourth time you are wondering wtf I am talking about).WHAT I MEAN BY THAT:You mentioned that your parents talked to her parents,but the situation wouldn’t change much,if it wasn’t for your teacher’s intervention.What was their reaction like?Did they say anything specific to your parents?I do not know how much her behaviour has affected you and sorry if this is not very pleasant thing to recall,but what I am trying to show you here(if she did affect you)is that that girl had her ‘reasons’ to act the way she did(unless there was/is some serious medical condition of hers) and not everyone has been though the same as she did so not everyone will/can treat you the way she did(again it does not serve as an excuse or should make your feelings less valid).

As for the girls in the 11th-13th grade,well...The only thing that comes to my mind is jealously.You didn’t say that it was girls AND the boys who talked about you,it was specifically girls and keeping in mind that you didn’t know them before going to 11th grade(it’s not like the had grudges against you for something,they literally didn’t know you) and the fact that you were two years older aka ‘naturally’ stood out,it was their ‘duty’ to seems as superior.

Also,just a little tip which you can completely ignore ofc,but from personal experience,if anyone speaks about you,don’t try to correct them nor ‘stand up’ for yourself,put them in place etc,especially if it is a group of people and not just one person and I say this for several reasons.Firstly,one of the main reasons that these people talk badly about you,especially if they do it in front of you,is simply,your reaction.If you try to talk back to them them it is going to just fuel their motivation to talk about you even more.Even if you make a ‘valid’ point and say it to them,the chances are it won’t even reach what they call their brain and just laugh at you or even worse,try their physical strength on you...So what to do?Yes,you are right,you are about to hear the most cliche answer for those cases,to not care,or more specifically not give a f*ck about them and their words.Like it is really hard to offend/hurt someone when they don’t give a f*ck about you or your opinion(sorry if i sound too forward or harsh but i genuinely believe this).Besides,people will always talk about anything and anyone and anywhere,so what’s the point of caring about their words,unless they come from someone whose opinion you value?

*As a side note,I cannot not say how happy I actually am to hear how well you did in 10th grade,both academic-wise and relationship-wise (and it even continued in your 11th-13th grade)!(If you think that having only two friends in your last years of school was a very small number,ask yourself:you would like to be friends with anyone else from your class,besides those girls?Like the boys who did nothing?...I don’t think so…)Also,even if you are not talking with the friends you made anymore,that’s okay,because you still didn’t let your past affect you back then,which is so, /so/ important,so please try keeping this in mind and cheer up on yourself for this!....And now that I think about it,I mean i don’t know if you considered this,but have you thought about messaging someone from school e.g. those two girls?Like do you have a facebook now?How about finding them there and having a light chat with them? (even if it’s been two years).

As for you wanting to get a job and not finding your passion..Well,to be honest I am very weak when it comes to this and honestly the only advice I can give you if trying out new things?You don’t necessary have to do them physically,esp since you mentioned sitting on your laptop for quite a big part of the day.Have you tried learning a new language?Reading a book?Also,if you feel guilty about not looking for a job,how about trying and helping your mom in a different way?Like with the house chores?For example,if she is planning on going to the market you can go with her and help with buying stuff/the shopping bags plus,you will go out a fraction more and maybe meet a new people/have some light conversation with them.This way,you will also beat the anxiety that bubbles up when you try to speak to people/making a phonecall,because again,I am sorry,I am not an expert in this area and the only,most productive way of overcoming this type of anxiety in my eyes is ‘by getting more of it until you get used to it’.By that I don’t mean of course that you should get used to anxiety attacks,ofc not,but start with small talks e.g. with the cashier or your mom’s friend you bumped into in the shop,and even if your heart will race during the first conversations,after a while,I think you will get used to it,not the heart fastening,but having conversation with strangers and from there the anxiety may fade.

For when you get those sudden motivation rushes,and this goes for anything tbh,i have to say one thing:DONT trust your future self..because if you won’t do it today,you won’t do it tomorrow.Like it is definitely not just you,it is just that our future selves and way lazier than the today’s.And answering your question if “its already too late do you really think you can do something with your pathetic self?” NO!!!!!!Absolutely not,IT IS NOT TOO LATE AND YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC.You are literally 23 years old,you are literally /so/ young!!!Like if anything you are in the perfect age(maybe a little too young even) to get a job!!!Even if you haven’t had your first job yet,23 is still the perfect time to start..and the same goes for 24,25,29...59.I ‘can’ tell you that you can do ‘anything’ at any age,but that won’t be entirely true because money is usually what keeps people back,but if your dream,if your aspiration doesn’t really require huge money investment,then yes,you can do anything at any age and getting a job is one of them.I won’t lie to you it is probably going to get tough and hearing things like “this job requires experience’ or ‘we are looking for someone with the X,Y mark in the A,B subject’ may become a frequent thing but try to not give up if you ever to make some phone calls,but I promise you are going to find something,maybe after the 100 call,but I promise you will (if you want ofc).

Speaking of phone calls,well my friend,if you are scared of (let's put everything you mentioned under the same umbrella and call it)adult things..let me tell you a secret..THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO ADULT THAT HASN’T F*CKED UP or seemed more or less/dump by an office employee/a cashier etc.etc.We all have our first time for everything and being an adult requires lots of those.I am not telling you are going to get things messed up but I am telling you that if you do,that is okay,it is definitely not the end of the world and you 100% not the only who messes/messed up.Btw you are not dumb,esp for not knowing those things,I mean I didn’t even knew you have to calculate the distance between two cards to get a license…(wtf).You are not going to get judged for not knowing all those things,you are not a taxi driver and you are not obligated to know the road in your city(i mean,even they use a gps/ask the passenger for directions) and also there are approximately another 234987239 people who face the same problems/worries as you and the people working in the drivers school know and understand this,so everything is going to be 👍I believe in you!!!!Also a tip if you want for when making a phone call,if you are not sure of how it will go,get a piece of paper beforehand and write all the the things you’d like to ask/are curious about so you won’t forget anything and also during the actual call have a pen next to so you can immediately write down the information you get,so you won’t miss anything they say to you!(I hope this helps!!)

Another thing is that whether one’s gender may be,it still doesn’t mean they are going to a have ‘perfect’ body either and also something thatpeople hide is that this ‘problem’ is not as uncommon as we think it is?And let me tell you that boys also get worried about this issue (having too much leg hair etc.) so if you ever happen to like someone and they like you back,please don’t let this you hold back from showing your feelings.And if someone is an *sshole to you about it,like I said,the door is right there.Those who are worthy will stay.

Um,and btw since I also have the same thing as you(a little bit about the medical aspect) but have you done an ultrasound of your ovaries?Because I used to have a huge cyst and that’s why I couldn’t take the pill,it just simply wouldn’t work(i started taking it only a month ago since it..popped on it’s own).Another thing to check is your tryroid?It can as well cause a hormonal disbalance.Lastly,the pill itself may not be suitable for you,as there are so many of them that work in various ways. (please consider these next time you go to your doctor ;-;).

About you “being an adult who does nothing”,well the word ‘nothing’ itself may carry a different meaning for each person..Second of all,it doesn’t mean that the point where someone starts doing the ‘something’ is the same for everyone.For someone it is when they are 15,for others when they are 45.And just because someone starts later than the others,doesn’t mean their start is less valuable compared to others’.Everyone has their own pace.Also,you might not feel now life seeing a professional,but you may want in a month or not at all,who knows.And that is also okay(tho i would still suggest mustering all the courage if you feel like this process it taking too long for you(NOT by comparing yourself to others but how it feels to YOU) and visiting them at least once as a ‘check up’ if you want to call it ;-;)

About you staying at home all day..Well,i think some good ways to change it,if you want to ofc,is to,more or less the things i mentioned before like contacting one of your friends from school or attend a few events like book presentations,open courses,seminars.Like I am suggesting these things from my personal experience because 2 years ago I moved to a new place and practically knew no one,but by attending places like this,i got to meet a few new people who really helped me.Also,another thing that may motivates you to call faster the drivers school is,since the first few weeks focus on the theoretical parts of drivings(driving signs etc.),you are going to be in class aka with other people,prob around your age,so it may come as an opportunity to meet new people or even make new friends.

As for your realization that you cannot feel genuinely proud of someone,from my point of view it is what you said:if you don’t/haven’t experienced a feeling yourself it is really hard to reciprocate it and show it to others.One thing tho that I really want to mention is that the term ‘friend’ is really flexible.A friend may be someone you have been knowing for five years,greeting them everyday with a ‘good morning cutie’,sharing the same desk at school but still never sharing a deep emotional connection with them,so i really don’t think you should feel guilty about not loving the friends you made in school.Like your ‘obligation’ as a friend to them isn’t necessary to love them back to pieces,but be a good friend to them,which is a different thing?A good friend is someone who understands,respects,makes you laugh and I,or anyone else,can go on and on on those trails which appear according to personal taste/views,but if anyone ‘demands’ that you should love every friend you make,I am afraid I’ll have to argue with that.Besides,love in my eyes is too overrated anyways so…

Maybe you felt envious and selfish because after all,you weren’t /that/ close?If you imagine a scale like this:

You may have been closer to points A or B,rather than C,and that is okay.We are not supposed to form deep connections with everyone and that’s why there are so many different kinds of friendships.And I don’t think that you incapable of being genuinely happy/proud of someone-it is just you haven’t met that person yet- and I also do believe that you are,very capable of loving your future boyfriend.

After reading your message hhhhhh no,i don’t think at all like you behave like an unhygienic bum ah!!and please teach me how to smile,because i have naturally a resting bitch level 252 so i kinda…’naturally’ repel everyone?...oh well ,anyways,a thing I do think however,is not so much the lack of motivation,as much as lack of confidence?Like hon the way you described yourself will all your nice perfume and eyebrows ,aka more like a soft godness………I know how you it sucks being in that sort of ‘bubble’,the muted phrase,but really,the only way to get out of it in my eyes and also how i got out of it is a)kick the door open in your room and go back to your mom and bro 2)make something from the outer world ‘drag you in’ it constantly aka have some chores to do.Like again,for the drivers school:if you have classes every tuesday and thursday you ARE going to go to them because I know you can,and YOU also know that you CAN do it.Also,I don’t think your mom thinks of you as a failure,because moms are moms and a good mom’s role is to support their child no matter so please do not worry about the emotional aspect.

I am really wishing you the best and I hope you will be able to make those phone calls as you can and go out as soon as you feel like!I really must mention that maybe it won’t be as easy in the beginning and probably not everyone you meet is going to be polite,but i promise you are going to eventually meet nice people.And if you ever catch yourself thinking “why do this,there is no point” or “it’s too late for me to do the x thing” just remember that there IS a point and IT IS NEVER TOO LATE to start something new.Everyone got their ‘first time’s for everything.However,not everyone is doing it at the same time at the same time,so remember that.You can also get a little motivation imo from thinking about your mom and how even your little steps are going to make her and your brother happy.I hope this helps you💕

!!!!aslo a very useful and truthful (thanks to suga-honey-honey ;-;):i'm sorry to butt in on this, but i wanted to point out to anon that when you seemed to 'flourish' in 10th grade the things that were different were the surroundings and the people around you. don't think that there is something wrong with *you*. in 10th grade you were the same you, but you were surrounded by nice people and a positive environment. you can definitely recreate that. you have the potential, once 1 ball gets rolling the others will follow. you'll be okay <3

#replies #anonymous #please refrain from reblogging this~~#i have been having horrible headaches for the past 2 days but i still hope this makes sense!!

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thegeminisage · 8 years ago

Text

more botw blogging, SUPER spoilery

this is a real long post sorry normally i break these up and this time i didn’t

and finally, off we go to a new province

this time im making its tower my first stop, since i can see it from here

i tried to paraglide across the river but i didn't have enough height so i landed on the cliffside and ITS RAINING!!!!! for fucks sake

i cant believe this game actually got me to hate rain..........

not only that but when i died in the water it didn't reload me back to where i started to glide from but a bit of cliff i stood on lol so #struggles right from the first minute

rain for the next 3 hours.......and i gotta climb it in the rain....jesus

i guess i could fast travel but i'd have to walk all the way back there :/

hmm. maybe the gae's throwing me the rain on purpose. an npc mentioned this river was notoriously difficult to cross :///

yep as soon as i turned away: it cleared. Great

well i see some bridge-like things further downstream i guess i'll check that out

lol jk i managed to glide across a different part and climb

like i saw my forecast change but then it changed back to sun so w/e i'll take it im up here now

aaaaah i can see so many cool things from here!!!!! i cant wait to explore them all!!!! that #new province feel

i hate like, feeling obligated to track down every last bit of stuff in the old ones when you're seeing new exciting stuff

but i love the feel of getting to a new one and not even knowing which cool thing to check out first

ohhh my god lol there's a big-ass bokoblin camp on the way to the tower i think i see a moblin but im not sure

aaaand im dead

at least there werernt any moblins!

tbh it isnt a difficult camp i just wasnt vigilant about healing

me every time i see something new: what the Fuck is that!?

in this case it was an ice wizzrobe which made it snow EVERYWHERE oh my god

That Was Difficult

if i didn't have my fire arrows and lynel bow it would have taken way longer

i died again!!!

those weird pattern bokoblins have SO much attack power ):

come on i have to clear out the camp AGAIN? and kill the wizzrobe?

naw dude i am skipping this nonsense i am going straight up the fucking cliff

HA i sniped them from above >:3

there's a zora on top of this tower!!!!!!!

omg poor thing he can't get back down i wish i could carry him on my paraglider

man i love the tower cutscenes and music and the way they unfold it's so cool

BIG SHINY NEW PROVINCE YYYYEAH!!!!

oh hey i found another zora down near these bridges

they all want me to go see their prince haha noooo i have too much to explore!!!

oooh it's so easy to get all turned around on these bridge thingies

man i love this province it's SO pretty

ah i found a goron on a sandbar!! how did you get out here with all this water...

nooo the blood moon again i knew it was coming the music has been funny all night >:(

lol jk the music faked me out its 2am and i warped to the stable for nothing (i was trying to get that one dude's reaction)

i came back and did the shrine and found another zora!! lol they all really want me to go see that dude

there's a thing i need to climb but ugh rain

while i was bored i chopped grass and attached octo balloons to things

now i am in the wetlands which are AWFUL to walk through i can practically feel the mud squishing between my toes and i want to die lmao

there are horses here!! i miss mine ):

ive done enough shrines now to get another upgrade but i dont feel like doing all that backtracking blegh

oh noooo i see a guardian out here, a moving one ;_;

ah it's been awhile since i failed to fight the still ones on the plateau...i wonder what the start screen meant by "the right tools" ive got a lot of damn tools!! did they mean arrows??

lol yet another zora telling me to meet with the prince.........dude

this prince must be either desperate or spoiled

okay maybe its a glitch but i think?? i see?? a flying island in the distance? What The Fuck

wait no it looks kind of like a ship or giant bird??

my pins don't stick to it, it's definitely moving around

jesus fuck

AHAHAH FUCK THE GUARDIAN SAW ME

HAD TO TAKE REFUSE IN THE FUCKING SHRINE

jesus christ i hate those things!!!! you can't kill them!!!!!!!

NO oh my god there's a hinox over here too

why this Why This

lol the hinox fighting music is giving me trauma flashbacks

actually that wasnt so bad with a defense elixir on

maybe it's just me but this province feels kinda small? i feel like i could finish exploring it p quickly, which is nice

not that i'm not having fun but i know i'm going so slowly ):

me every five seconds: i miss my hooorse i want one to ride around to go faaaaster

i guess...i could catch...one of these

and like. not register it bc the stable is 10000 miles away but

a temp ride. let's see if i can. need to use up some of my sneak potions anyways

i caught one and rode it awhile, but my heart's not in training it...i want My Horse

oh my god wait i hear town music!! is this a stable right here!! AAAAAH

so i did catch a pretty black one and named it luna - had to let the first one i caught go lol but it didn't have great stats and i only rode it once so it'll be happier in the wild probably

KASS IS AT THIS STABLE IM SO HAPPY SO IS HESTU

he's playing epona's song i'm gonna CRY

I MISS EPONA IM DYING

oh my god he had a story for me!! the same one that impa told!!!!! man

the music is still so good. fuck.

lmao i was talking to one dude and he was like well might as well head back inside ugh that place is so filthy and the women so free you might as well call it a manfill

UM?? NINTENDO??

i can see hyrule castle super close from where i am and it looks super scary and i super want nothing to do with it rn

i get the feeling you can like, go in there whenever? maybe even do the endgame stuff early? but oh my god i Dont wanna

OMG i just mounted a bear

i read that you could ride things other than horses but holy shit lmao

i mean

it killed me after i got off, but man

sadly i must now board my horse and continue with The Story see i explored the non-story bits of that province SUPER quickly dang

oh no

this shrine is called a minor test of strength

Oh No

Why, God

oh. that was actually like SUPER easy compared to the other two haha phew

this lady at the crossroads said the prince was creepy omg i knew there was something, ahaha, excuse me, "fishy"

whoa i love his music theme!!

lmao i always get so SHOCKED when they talk!!! even still!!!!!

voice acted cutscenes of this game are like fmvs of final fantasy games in generations 5-7 lol

oh my god...the wink/sparkle thing...he's such a HAM

he's flattering me TOO much omg dude what do you want.......

ok, ok, i like him

he doesn't seem very trustworthy but since his people are in trouble i'll cut him some slack on that one

oh nooo i gotta climb this in the rain......

ah, it's sunshowering tho! that's kinda neat

i just got attacked by octoroks and my heart wept a little because traveling up zora's river dodging octoroks to get to and save zora's domain...I've Been Here Before

listen, i could write a book on this

(lol i did write 300k on this but shhh that was a long time ago)

like...if link is actually a reincarnation does he get flashes of memory

oot happened in every timeline but i know wind waker didn't

but do you think assuming this is in the same timeline as wind waker something in him feels at home the first time he sails a raft again

or hears kass play epona's song at the ranch

or ducks an octorok on his way to zora's domain

people treat the incarnation thing as a kind of tragedy - the world will never be free of evil so long as ganon/ganondorf exists

but maybe there's happiness in it too

no matter what happens, no matter how sad the ending - i mean hell, in this very game, link and zelda LOST

no matter what though, it's guaranteed that they'll see each other again

over and over and over without end, link and zelda are gonna meet and be together for awhile while they defend hyrule again

frankly if that's not a soulmate idk what is

and frankly i'm perpetually offended that they don't develop ganondorf the man more like they did in wind waker...that was the Peak tbqh

i would kill for something like that again

anyway

i love how present the current here is, like with the stuff floating down the river, thats a NICE touch

tbh it's actually really nice that he keeps uselessly checking on me on the way up the river

like, i've been so lonely

even now i miss my companion going "what's WITH that guy" like they probably would if i had one

so this is nice. tbh.

i know it was probably a deliberate choice and makes the game stronger but a companion for this game, someone to share it with...that would've been cool

even just zelda as the protag, she could do some internal narration

but the whole thing is just so quiet.

this place is so pretty tho?? in the distance i see these like, pink coral looking plant things, and the blue columns and bridges are gorgeous

OH NO LIGHTNING GOD WHY

i think its an area thing too i cant just wait it out lmao im gonna Die

oh jk it's just rain now

idk why my entire forcecast changes to a particular type of weather and its only like that a few seconds...super weird and annoying

lol sidon all "you're almost halfway there i believe in you!!" and not helping fight and link's little "k" wave

i love link as a silent protag even if i did have him talk in my writing like it's so endearing

i wonder if link is like sgr like "i am 100 years old what is this zora kid even doing. what is he EVEN DOING."

lol just had to dodge some rocks rollin down a hill

you see this is what i mean. there's a weird sense of familiarity and nostalgia if you've played the games a lot. i wonder if the spirit of the hero feels that way with each new adventure, too

like if he's okay doomed to an eternity of fighting and parting with zelda over and over

because in the end he always gets to do this again

like i can see the spirit of the princess/goddess being high key miserable about those circumstances but i wonder if the spirit of the hero is maybe secretly glad

because part of him will always yearn for the next adventure

he never COULD be happy settling because this is what he was born for

WE love doing this again and again and again, maybe it's not such a stretch to think the spirit of the hero does too

or maybe i'm projecting so hard onto him because undertale has so successfully blurred the line between the player and the game for me LMAO

oh man i just noticed all the names on this map

lulu, mikau ;_;

i miss them!!!!

just once i wish zelda games would feature the same side characters in two or three titles

we never got to see saria or darunia or lulu again

we get to come back to the world but every friend we've ever made has been gone

like some narnia shit i swear to god

lol this is why i should never do story all i do is rant about My Zelda Feels, which are literally endless

oh NICE battle with a blue moblin on the bridge!!!!

ah i like the zora history here too please give me all the worldbuilding i wanna know everything about this world that i can bc rn all i know is "we got Fucked"

i guess i also know about the automans but i need More

i say, while procrastinating on getting to the story

in other news i have an ice and lightning rod which i havent bothered trying to use

bc when i tried to use the boomerang i failed utterly lol

but these? holy shit dude these are Powerful when you actually land a magic hit like Dang

i Love them im never avoiding another wizzrobe again (thats where they drop from)

oh wow

i finally made it, and

man. oh man. it's so beautiful

i wish i could see if better

jesus the zoras always had the prettiest parts of the games imo

OH NO THE MUSIC

OH NO!!! im gonna cry omg

it's the same melody from oot i think!! oh my god!!!!!!

omg there's a zora here named rivan who says he knows me?!?!

omg no he's listing some of link's old pals from Before im so sad why can't he remember

OOOH i shouldn't speak to the elderly bc apparently i am "guilty" of something?? i love this development PLEASE tell me more

i love that they all age so slowly #nice

am i walking into a fucking execution lmao sidon don't play me......

omg the little zora kids are adorable!!!

omg there's a statue of the zora champion ;_;

man this is all so cool i wanna know EVERYTHING about what happened back then!!!!

lol the shrine here was SUPER nerve wracking god you had to like, roll the giant ball down a hill and stop time at JUST the right moment skjghf

oh my gosh ANOTHER zora who knows me (lol "linny")

im so ;w; they all know me!!!!!!

i slept on the blissful water bed at the inn and was mystified and alarmed by the sound effects but i got an extra stamina wheel and 3 extra hearts!!! god damn you can't beat that shit

im so amazed at how many people knew link and like, blame him? i wanna know so bad what happened, i wanna know more about mipha

ten bucks says she's still alive and like trapped in the divine beast but corrupted

or a ghost or something like the old man ;_;

aww zoras sleep in the water aw aw :3

i'm loving this theme of link sleeping for so long like at first i thought of sgr but i just realized it's also like oot (and i can't believe i didn't make that connection first...)

like in oot the people who knew him Before are so happy to see him again and are sure he can help them

but in this game it's a bit mixed

and in this game we don't know the details of 100 years ago yet ;_;

zora's domain here is like. so GLOWY. reminds me of waterfall from undertale tbh lol i wanna paint it

so i'm talking to the king and this one elderly zora goes "the hylians abused an ancient society's power to turn hyrule into what it is today" & like...tbh my dude you have a point. if they had never gotten those guardians out then they couldn't have turned on them

oh my GOD

i just got my first look at a divine beast and i can't believe i was calling them jaegers

my jaw dropped irl holy shit

like that thing truly looks both divine and beastly (this one is an elephant)

is mipha still in there as like a ghost ;_;

it's so clear how much everyone misses her

and she seemed so sweet in the one short memory i recovered

every time sidon does his sparkle smile i love him a little more

i didn't trust him at first bc he seemed a little too eager but now i see he's just doing his best!!!!

especially as someone who thinks radically and progressively in a society where elders stay around hundreds of years

YESSSSS I GOT ZORA ARMOR!!!! YES!!!!!!!!

SWIM SPEED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omfg and it's an engagement thing just like the sapphire

MADE BY MIPHA?

thats right that other lady said link was supposed to choose between her and mipha

listen mipha seems cool and all but i've been shipping zelink for 19 years, so

oh NO, mipha had feelings for link

oh no poor mipha...oh my god

WAIT AM I ABOUT TO GET ANOTHER MEMORY??? OH MY GOD!!!!!

duuuuuude

"no matter how bad the wound i will ALWAYS" heal you and then link wakes up in water

did she do that!!! did she save him ;_; oh my god im going to cry

"you are quivering like a hatchling" PLEASE protect my poor son

muzu is making me sad dude he misses her so much and he hates this so much

ooooh i have to fight another lynel for shock arrows...good Lord im not looking forward to that

I KNEW IT

"calamity ganon took control of the beasts and trapped the champions inside" yep either she's still alive like link and zelda or her body is in there and so is her fucking ghost

DUDE!! i just swam up my first waterfall and it was AWESOME!!!!!

so im at shatterback point now hwere lynel is just bc i wanted to swim up a waterfall but probably he will kill me quickly lmao

apparently you can mount him too which. sick.

but idk i dont have any good food or elixirs or weapons ready im just up here for science im probably gonna knock off soon i gotta Draw

Oh Fuck There He Is ):

it's super tedious to have top go back and delete every fucking picture i take for my copendium one by one those shouldn't save in my album automatically come on dude im trying to take a picture of this lion centaur thing here

aaah there's a rainbow here too #nice

ah well got him about a quarter pf the way down before i died :/ not bad for being completely unprepared

tbh i only had one defense food?? had i had more i could have whittled him down eventually

anyway thats all for tonight!! i doubt i'll play anymore tonight bc i have drawing to do

lol this is a long post but it's all in one bc i'm typing them in notepad now and don't have to worry about them getting too long

#in which im too busy having the feels to play the goddamn game #personal #loz blogging #botw spoilers

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