#finding myself realizing I relate to alex more and more all the time

[eemamminy-art]

I went to bed early (well, early for me anyway) because I felt really sick and bad yesterday, and then I woke up a bit before my alarm so I wrote a little on my phone :3

I've reached the stage of my longfic outline (21 pages btw) that I'm starting to write snippets of scenes 🥰

[justsome-di]

Now a Pulitzer Prize winning book (don’t fact check this, just trust me) and featured on Obama’s 2023 Summer Reading List!

You should be reading Nobody Ends Up Dead in a Bathtub, Everyone Keeps Their Organs! Why? See above.

It’s a good story if I do say so myself. And if you read it, you’re a cool kid. Don’t you want to be a cool kid? This is something called peer pressure, and it usually works.

But for real, if you read Nobody Ends Up Dead then you’re going to go on a good adventure with good characters I guarantee you will love. Not to brag, but it is a pretty good story. There’s funny one-liners, a cute plot, and relatable characters that have been developed for years. Just heed warnings at the beginning of chapters. NEUD deals with some heavy topics such as eating disorders.

NEUD is officially all online for free. But you can still access bonus chapters and short stories on Patreon for only $4.

Links: 

AO3

Wattpad

Patreon (Patrons had early access to the whole novel and also get exclusive short stories with the characters and sneak peaks for new projects!)

Netflix Previews

Characters’ Playlists

You can also check out my carrd if there are any updates to how/where I post, it’ll probably be the most accurate place to find new or updated links.

Transcript under cut:

The Story is Dope

A New York office worker and a sex worker get set up on a date--one thinking it's a real blind date, the other under the impression it's an ordinary appointment. After realizing it was all a shitty prank, they set out for revenge. Their plan: show up to an upcoming Halloween office party as a genuine couple, convincing the pranksters they genuinely fell in love and refusing to let themselves become the butt of the joke.

Our main characters are Alex, an awkward admin assistant for a medical company who hasn't been on a date since he was a teenager, and Damián, a sex worker who seems way out of Alex's league but keeps insisting on spending time with him so they can perfect their revenge scheme.

The novel features a diverse cast and explores sex positivity. I also like to believe that it portrays sex work well. Damián is a hardworking man, doing what he loves, and meeting mostly great people along the way--but he also would benefit greatly if sex work was decriminalized and therefore had better resources at his disposal.

If you're looking for a story with LGBT characters that's mostly light-hearted but still packs a punch every few chapters, this is it! Overall, it's a happy story.

The Characters!

oh boy the characters!

we got Damián who's hardworking and doting on his lil bro but oh wow does he have some angst

we got Alex who is nothing more than a burning ball of anxiety trying his best--all too relatable

Leo, Damián's bro, is an ally, and he will make sure everyone knows. Also has angst.

Eve, Alex's lil sister, is an edgy teen who's failing calc and runs a queer book club

together, they're a weird lil dysfunctional family

I'll be honest. There's a lot of love in this story. From me and among the characters. The characters love each other, and I think the readers love them, too.

It touches on a lot of loneliness--inspired by how I've felt since Covid started--and a lot of the conflicting emotions that come with being gay. What happy endings do we deserve? What about happy middles?

It's a touching book about learning to be a better person and finding people who love you--platonically and romantically.

Here are some of my fave parts:

And then there was a streak of gray hair that shocked Alex. A streak of gray hair off to the side, nestled close to a salt and pepper beard. Textured hands held cocktails. Little, subtle lines creased when mouths laughed. Alex held his breath. On the packed floor, they were the only people Alex could see. They were laughing and holding each other and enjoying themselves, firmly in the place they knew they belonged. Flashes of teeth pressed against each other, disappearing for long seconds at a time.

--

“Sorry,” Alex said. “Your arm got heavy on top of me.” “You’re a little mouse of a man. I didn’t mean to crush you.” “I’m what?”

--

“A dog!” Damián cooed as he sat across from the lesbians. “His name is Yam,” Martin said.

“His name is Yam,” Damián cried. Kris and Clara released Yam and gently nudged him to Damián. Ecstatic, Damián picked him up and set him on his lap. “His name is Yam,” he repeated to Alex. “I heard.”

--

But he couldn’t deny that he was having a good time. It was like intense yoga with the perk of having a cock shoved up his ass. He was going to feel limber as fuck after.

--

“Can I do anything?” Alex asked. “To help cheer you up?”

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I’d like to. If you let me.”

--

“Wow this sounds great where can I read it?”

Tumblr @justsome-di

Watpadd @justsome-di

Patreon @just some di (link on Tumblr)

AO3 @justsome_di

Updates every friday!

[iambic-stan]

River View

I think I'm ready to share my second Tori and Elena story! This one was also like therapy to write...and there might be a little more info-dumping. But I hope it speaks to someone.

"That was really an alligator!" I exclaimed.  Not that I'd never seen one.  But I couldn't tell you the last time I did.  It was just lying on a log, sunbathing, I guess, and the scales made it look like a dinosaur from a children's book.  I'd lived here all my life but it still looked out of place somehow.  I rolled down the window for a better view and craned my neck to keep staring as the car whizzed past.  "Do you see stuff like that out here all the time?" I asked incredulously.

"Not every time I come," Elena replied.  "I still get excited every single time I spot one.  We're almost to the parking lot."  She turned down a narrow dirt road with dense foliage.  Deer flies whacked against the car, and I made little shrieking noises at the sight and sound of them.  

"Don't worry--I've got spray that'll deter them," she assured me, pulling into a parking spot.  There were several other cars, so we weren't the only hikers for the afternoon.

"I'm so glad you didn't want to get up early," I sighed.  "I had THE WORST cramps ever," I looked over at her and then it dawned on me that this might be TMI.  "Sorry--I forgot for a moment," I said, smiling awkwardly.

"Nothing to be sorry about," she said, pulling up the parking brake and the key out of the ignition.  She stared straight ahead, avoiding eye contact as she often did.  "I get periods, too, basically.  No blood, but for me the cramps are horrible, my breasts get sore, food starts to look gross, and the littlest things seem like disasters suddenly."  

"Wow, I relate to most of that, actually," I told her.  I didn't realize Elena was trans for months; finding out did make some pieces fall into place in my head.  Her insecurities seemed magnified in the hostile culture of the South where anything different is perceived as an immoral deviance--even drag queen storytime was some kind of battleground.  As a lesbian, I didn't always feel safe, and I knew she didn't, either.  I could understand why she sometimes seemed closed off, though she was starting to come around.

"I brought Alex because I really wanted to listen.  To be listened to," she said in a stilted voice, like she was reading cue cards. "And I thought that you wouldn't want to after we got all sweaty, so maybe like, now?  In the car?"

'Alex' was Elena's stethoscope, which I'd only found out about because we were both drunk enough.  If she hadn't been, I'm not sure how long it would've taken her to tell me about this interest of hers.  Most times we got together, we listened to each other's hearts, and though it was really only a novelty for me, I readily agreed to participate again and again.  The way she sometimes lit up when I listened was unmatched by most every other sort of way I've made someone happy.  It felt good to be so needed.  I loved having a go-to person for cuddles and hugs, especially when I was single, which was most of the time lately.  She was beautiful, with long black hair, blue eyes, and a petite body, but the boundaries didn't feel blurred because I knew she was asexual.  I admit that I didn't really know what all that meant, and I found myself thinking of her often when we weren't together, wondering (worrying?) if my feelings were truly platonic.

She pulled Alex out of her hiking backpack, and I took hold of the ear tubes.   We'd done this many times, but it still seemed a little strange to wear the stethoscope and place it on her chest.  "Girl, it's beating fast.  It usually is when I listen," I told her.  And that was an unparalleled sort of experience, even for someone like me who never would've thought to do something like this unprompted.  Placing a stethoscope on her chest and discovering that her heart was beating fast all because she was excited that I was listening to it gave me a little thrill.  She always smiled and looked gravely serious when I told her it was so fast.  Her chest moved under my hand with every breath--an unexpectedly intimate part of this activity, and I watched it quietly for a few seconds.  

"Thank you, Tori," she breathed.  

"You don't have to thank me; I'm happy to do it," I insisted, pulling down the collar of my nylon top so she could have better access to my chest.

The sight of her wearing the ear pieces and the feeling of her putting the stethoscope on my chest were becoming familiar. I used to associate that feeling only with having to see a doctor, and never a pleasurable or even positive experience.  "Yours is slower," she told me.  "And steady. No skips."  She reached for my hand with hers that wasn't holding the chest piece, and I squeezed it.  This was becoming my new normal, I supposed, and in some moments it felt like home.  When she put Alex away again, she seemed so intense--her eyes wide and her face fixed into a frown that implied great concentration and...some level of shame, almost?  She looked away and I wondered if she was embarrassed to be so vulnerable.  I leaned over in the seat and put my head on her shoulder, hoping I conveyed that it was more than ok to feel so much and so openly with me.

When we stepped out of the car, she promptly doused me in bug spray, then did the same to herself.  It seemed to work because the flies hovered around us but didn't try to bite.  They still made me uncomfortable, but I was trying to be a good sport about this.  She had suggested so many times over the past year that we should go on a hike together--nothing crazy, mind you--it would be all swampy flat land, less than two hours from home and would take no longer than half a day, she assured me. And we could get some local seafood afterward.  The weather was just right for me to agree to it.

"How many miles are we talking?  Go easy on me, babe," I said teasingly.  

"We can take the Cypress Trail, which is a 2-mile loop.  It connects to the River View Trail, which has an overlook that's not super impressive but it's only like another half mile to it.  Half of it is boardwalks.  And then if we want to go deeper into the woods-" 

"I'm gonna stop you there," I said, with a smile so it didn't seem too rude.  "Those two trails sound like enough for me."

"Fair enough," she said.  And then, after a pause to look at my face, "I'm so excited you're with me!" She jumped up and down a few times.  It felt infectious, and a warm, cozy feeling welled up in my chest.  

"I'm glad we could make it work," I told her, side-eyeing what looked like a horse fly hovering a little too close by.

The first mile or so was uneventful, in a good way.  We passed a couple that pointed out a barred owl looking down at us from a tall bald cypress, seeming almost to pose for photos.  I screeched when I noticed a snake curled up on the side of the boardwalk, and Elena protectively took my hand to indicate that I shouldn't get too close.  When we were both at a safe distance, she told me it was a copperhead and pointed out the Hershey-kiss pattern on its body.  I had to admit that it was beautiful even though I try my best not to wind up in the vicinity of venomous snakes.  The cypress knees, spider lilies, and even the algae film on the water were vibes. I liked that we were far enough from the highway that I could hear bird calls instead of passing cars.  It was so peaceful.

I was a few paces behind Elena when I heard her squeal with glee.  "What is it?" I asked, jogging to her.

She turned to me, her hands closed over something, then opened them up to reveal a large black and white beetle.  Instinctively, I jumped backward and almost tripped over a stick.  She seemed oblivious.  "It's an Eastern Eyed Click Beetle," she said with wonder.  "I love their big eyes."  I stood a few feet away and watched in horror as she allowed the beetle to crawl all over her hand and arm.  She snapped a few pictures with her phone.  "I'm so excited that I found one today!"  After a few more seconds of admiring it, she placed it on a tree trunk.  I couldn't remember when I last thought something was so endearing and yet so revolting at the same time.

She looked up at me, grinning like she'd won the lottery.  Over a bug.  "So um, you're not a fan of bugs, I know," she allowed.  "I got kind of carried away and I guess you've never seen me like that.  Hope it wasn't too disturbing.  Tell me more about what animals you really like."

I let out a chuckle.  "It wasn't disturbing," I said.  "But uh, you can have the bugs. Well, I love Mollie, for one."  Mollie was Elena's chonky daschund.  "We had a couple of great danes when I was growing up.  Don't laugh, but we had one named Scooby.  I loved him so much.  We got him when I was 6 and he passed when I was in high school.  I love turtles--especially the soft shelled ones.  So cute.  One time my girlfriend and I went to D.C. on vacation and there were these giant pandas at the zoo--Mei Ziang and Tian Tian.  I was obsessed with them.  I couldn't but wanted so much to hug them. I could sit and watch them for hours.  I actually went back by myself a couple of years ago--not long before I met you, to see them again.  They live in China now, though.  But I'd love to go somewhere else with giant pandas."

We talked for a while about what animals we'd seen in person, in the wild or zoos, aquariums, or refuges, and I wondered why we hadn't made any of those trips together.  We made tentative plans to take a day trip to an aquarium in Texas with capybara and porcupine encounters and before I knew it, we'd made it to the second trail, the one that was supposed to feature the underwhelming view.

I let Elena go ahead of me and watched her gait.  There was this confidence in her step that I rarely got to see.  The boardwalk had ended three quarters of a mile before, and the trail narrowed.  The flies were closer, but we'd re-sprayed twice to be cautious and I was mostly, happily, bite-free.  I liked allowing her to walk ahead of me, because she caught all the spiderwebs I couldn't see.  She accidentally ran into one of them and one of those banana spiders fell down onto her shoulder.  I screamed in panic, but she brushed it off like it was nothing and kept walking.  

"The river's just up ahead, but you have to crouch down into this space here, then follow the path a few more feet," she told me. I followed those instructions even though she didn't realize that crouching down was one thing for her, being less than five and a half feet tall, and another thing for my almost 6-foot tall stocky body.  But I managed it with only a twig or two in my hair, and was rewarded with a solid, if not fancy, place to sit--a wooden fishing pier.

Elena pulled two chocolate chip granola bars out of her bag, said, "Here, Tor," and handed me one.  

"Where did 'Tor,'" come from," I asked in an unintentionally loud voice.  "I feel illegal now."  I laughed at what might have been the worst joke I'd ever made.

She turned beet red and busted out a laugh.  "I have no idea," she said, "It just came out.  We can never speak of it again if you want."

I shook my head and sighed, taking a few gulps of water from my flask.  I was glad to be sitting, but I didn't think I could metaphorically sit on things the way Elena did.

"It's actually not underwhelming at all," I said, scanning the horizon.

"Glad you wound up liking it.  I kinda hoped that if I undersold it, reverse psychology just might work."

Undersell it she did.  The water was a murky brown, but the mostly-undisturbed natural area was otherwise clean, with purple and yellow wildflowers growing in abundance on the banks.  I smiled at the log below us with six turtles lined up, end-to-end, enjoying the sunshine as we were.  I tried to let my racing thoughts blend into the rushing of the river and just breathe in the fresh air.  My heart was pounding.  It was something I used to either ignore or get anxious about, but with her, I thought of it a little differently.  "Hey, do you want to feel my heartbeat?" I asked her.  

"Of course," she said, wasting no time turning to place her hand flat on my chest.  "Oh, wow! Why is it so fast?"

"Did you know that in 'Wildest Dreams' on 1989, there's an interpolation of Taylor's actual heartbeat, like throughout the song?" I said, not knowing why I took so long to share this detail.

"No!  I did not!  Is that my Taylor Swift Tidbit of the day?  Thanks," she grinned.

"Yes I thought you'd be into that one."

"Oh yeah that'll do it."

"So, um, you told me you're asexual a long time ago, but I admit I don't know much about that.  You never dated, like, not even in high school or college?" I asked.

"No, I never did.  I was still pretty good at scaring people away with the intensity of my feelings, 'cause that's just me.  I was misunderstood quite a lot.  I never wanted to have sex, so I always thought dating would be a waste of time.  As soon as the person found out I didn't care about sex, I was sure that would be the end of it.  Pretty sure I'm aro too."

"What's 'aro'?" I asked.

"Aromantic.  I don't really get romantic feelings for people.  I can love them fiercely, but I don't want to like, kiss them or have them all to myself or think about buying a house with them.  I guess you could say I get 'butterflies' when it comes to thinking about sharing my heart thing with someone, but it's just...not like they describe romantic feelings in novels.  Or the movies.  Or by, like, the standards of anyone who's ever told me about their crushes or boyfriends or whatever.  In ace culture, sometimes we say we have a 'mesh' or a 'squish,'" she explained. 

I let out a laugh, but not in a derisive way, I hoped.  "What does that mean?"

"Squishes are romantic crushes with no sexual attraction.  Sometimes I get those on celebrities, I think, but not so much in real life.  Meshes are like crushes with no sexual or romantic attraction. Like you have a strong desire to be close to someone.  Sometimes it's just that you want to be emotionally open to them in a way you would be with a partner, except the two of you aren't dating.  Maybe you're affectionate in a way that blurs the lines between friendship and romance from an outside perspective, even though you don't have romantic feelings for each other.  'Alterous' is kind of an umbrella term for platonic feelings that are tough to define.  Sometimes your feelings sit somewhere between the traditional boundaries of friendship and romance.  It's also kind of dependent on societal norms because we have a narrow view of friendship in our culture, you know?  A lot of times I feel like my feelings for people I want to share my heart thing with are kinda alterous.  At this point in my life, being over 30, I think if I was gonna have real romantic feelings, I would've experienced them by now.  I've certainly met people who were wonderful enough, attractive enough, and all that."

I tried to take all of this in, sure I would forget one or more of these words by the end of the conversation.  "So the...alterous feelings...that's just something that asexual people experience?" I asked.

"Oh, not at all.  I think it's a very common human experience, but most people think of relationships in simpler terms.  And they don't use words for all these things.  They fall in love and get married, spend less time with their friends as a result, etc.  Not being concerned with sex, and in some cases romance, too, ace people spend a lot more time analyzing platonic type relationships, sometimes to a fault," she laughed.  "For some ace people, a friendship will be the most intimate relationship they'll ever have.  There are just so many different ways to love," She smiled at me and we actually held eye contact for a few seconds.  "Thanks for letting me ramble."

"It's ok. I've pretty much never really thought about it," I admitted.  I didn't know how to put it into words yet, but I felt more at peace.  Maybe there never was anything to worry about.  If Elena's hand had still rested on my chest, she would've noticed that my heart was more relaxed.

I watched and listened to the water, then reached over and put my arm around her.  "I love you," I said softly.

"Aw, I love you, too, Tori."

[jenconnellysshybellybutton]

Chapter 7: The Engine Eternal And Its Creator

Characters: Melanie Cavill, Alexandra Cavill, Andre Layton, Bess Till, Ruth Wardell, Josie Wellstead, Bennett Knox

Warnings: Fluff

The two woke up a few hours later, it was the afternoon now, in a few hours it would be the evening, Melanie took a shower and Alex was going to go to the engine room to check on the others, they were all very concerned about Melanie’s physical and mental health, even Josie, which was hard to believe since Mel practically murdered her...well she did kill her by filling up the room with the cold outside air and escaping her and leaving her to die. Josie knows Alex needs her mom, that’s really the only reason why she would care about the issues relating to Melanie. Out of concern if her mom needed anything she chose to ask just in case.

“You need anything in there?!”

“No, I’m fine, thanks for asking!”

“No problem!"

Alex put some clean clothes on the desk chair along with a brush and a hair tie and left a note saying all she did was go talk to the pirate gang and that she didn’t go anywhere.

***

Alex walked out of the bunk and into the engine to find Ben at the helm writing down some notes in a notebook, Josie was fiddling around with some wires at one of the light towers, Bess was reading a book while drinking a tiny bottle of alcohol, Alex guessed she just found lying around, Layton was walking towards Alex holding what looked like a bowl of oatmeal.

“So” he started “what’s going on with her and you?” they both sat down at the chairs

“She’s...recovering, more in a grieving way but yeah she’s doing better, I’m still not sure though, it’s only been like 2 days so that’s barely any time for her wounds to heal”

“Oh yeah I was going to ask about that, is it like a burn or-”

Alex cut him off “It might’ve appeared like that but no there are two pretty big stab wounds not really, let’s just call them that for now”

Andre had a puzzled look on his face.

“Okay so imagine two spears stabbing you but it did not impale you” Alex raised her eyebrows

“Okay I get it-” he nodded

“Yeah, besides that mentally pretty bad, physically not the best ethier okay pretty bad” she gave him a sarcastic smile

“Has she had any food? I’m assuming she has” he took another bite of oatmeal

“Yes, she made breakfast a few hours ago, she’s a good cook and that makes me half-supprised for whatever reason”

“How come?” he questioned

“Well for one thing I don’t remember at all her making me a meal in my childhood ever, another thing, she’s so” Alex impersonates “ ‘me going to crush the con man taking all my credit!’ and ‘let me go cry myself to sleep’ at the same time…..she’s a difficult person to understand but that’s the beauty of it, one of these days I’ll figure it out. What do you have everyone doing? Whatever they want?”

“Well no, as you can see Ben is doing his normal thing, Till is…” he looks over at her and she’s asleep on the ground again “-doing her own thing and Josie is trying to repair some of the internals for the outside paneling...okay so I guess everyone is doing their own thing but everything is aye okay” Andre chuckled.

“Well thanks for the update, I’m going to see how she’s doing” Alex smiled at him and got up, walking to the door she realized manners still existed

“Melanie, can I come in? It’s me, Alex”

“Yeah come on in!”

Melanie finished putting her hair in a bun after putting on the black T-shirt Alex left on the chair.

“Hey hon”

“Hi, how was your shower?”

“Nice, it always wakes you up, especially when it’s either freezing cold or steaming hot”

Alex walks over to the desk to see what Mel was reading earlier, it was just some records for updates for some boards in the light tower.

“So is it okay for you to head out of your cave now?”

“I wouldn’t call it a cave, more like an I get to spend time with my daughter area but that works too, yeah I’ll have to say something to Josie, or I should just say nothing at all”

“What happened between you two anyway?”

“I froze her to death out of self-defense, I’m not going to elaborate but let’s say I did intend to hurt her only because I had to, to keep ‘order’ like ‘him’”

“Wow” Alex snuck behind her to give her mom another hug out of real kindness “come on, it’s time”

***

Melanie was the first one out, Alex came second, they headed to the front to see the others, Melanie ran her fingers against the walls of her creation admiring it, Alex watched in awe thinking on how much the train meant to her, it felt like it had been forever since she saw any of them. Till was the first one to notice her.

“Melanie? You look like shit, how’s the parenting going?”

“Very mature of you, you too” Mel ignored the parenting question “How are you and Jinju doing?

“We broke up right after the revolution, I don’t even know if she’s still alive”

“I’m sorry to hear that, I hope she is alright, do you mind if I have some?” Melanie pointed to the flask Bess had on the table

“Go for it” and she handed it to Melanie, Alex was looking at some graphs and she left her alone for not even five minutes and Mel was already about to consume alcohol.

“Mom no” Alex swiped it out of her hand “this will only make your healing more painful and miserable, trust me” she gave it back to Till.

“Your kid’s smart, she’s right, it will make it more miserable, plus this isn’t the greatest shit anyways”

“Come on ma” Alex pushed her towards the helm where Ben was sitting, he just turned the train on auto-pilot ‘How convenient’ she thought.

“Get up Ben, go eat some ice cream or something” Mel smirked

“Yes boss, I don’t think we have any- hey! ” He laughed as he got up to go look at the weather screen

“Where’s Javi by any chance?” Meanie questioned

Alex answered that hesitantly “Jupiter got ordered- I’m sorry, but I do think he’s alive” Alex looked down at her feet. Melanie’s expression changed from happy to a murderous rage burning up inside her.

“Then we know who else to get when we get back...anyone else I should know about?”

“That’s all I know for sure but I don’t think Ruth is getting treated the best over there too”

Melanie was now not the happiest camper knowing that her two closest friends were probably being treated like slaves or worse.

“Are the boards in good condition?” Mel asked directing it towards Ben

“Um yeah they’re fine, also we are having more bad weather so that’s just a fyi” he quickly answered also knowing she was in her murder attitude again.

“Well let’s get her rolling at a steady speed and let’s do this thing and hopefully not die in doing so”

“Yes boss” he walked away

“Well Head Engineer Cavill, on your orders” Alex put a hand on her right shoulder smiling down at her. Melanie pulled a soft smile and reached for her hand to hold it, Alex now knew that holding her in some way was the key to her heart.

“How about now?” Alex nodded in response

“Alright let’s fire up the boosters!”

[solomanta]

heya! hope you’re having a good day❤️

you reblogged my post about demonology sources. i really appreciate that! i have a few questions :)

how would you say is a good way to approach demons? i’ve worked with spirits and deities for a while. it feels like the way one would approach a demon is slightly different than other beings. or maybe does it just depend on the demons personality and culture/belief system their from?

i’d love to hear your opinion on this! a mutual of mine expressed to me that they think everyone has a demon on their spirit team. idk what i think about it since i’m just now starting to research demons. maybe it’s their own UPG but i’d love to hear what you think!

anywhoooo thanks for your time and knowledge! have an awesome day ✨✨

First of all: Do NOT aproach them as you would a deity. Deities are usually (if not always) benevolent by nature.

Demons are, as the name suggests, demonic. That means in direct opposition to all the is good and light and cristian values.

That said, there is many variations within the hirearchy of Hell. And each have a different personality.

.

On one side of the scale you have such demons as Alastair, Hell's Executioner.

He is amazing if you want revenge and do not mind to grievously harm said enemies.

But he will also demand a high pay, and take even more. Even if his services is worth it.

.

On the other side of the scale you have deemons such as Orobas, whom do not lie and grants protection.

Never worked with him personally, but I hear he is prone to be stoic, fair, and also protective. You'd have to really piss him off to be in any danger from him.

.

Then there is demons such as Asmodeus and Sitri (different aspects of Lust and Seduction) whom will always be pleasant, charming, and amazing companions that will make you think they are kind and benevolent... and often make you make deals which you in retrospect will realize cost you far more than you want to pay.

I find Asmodeus quite wonderful to work with myself, and he has many useful skills... but it's important to make sure you know what you want and what you are willing to pay to get it BEFORE making a Deal with him.

.

Lastly there is the demons that even experienced Demonologists hesitate to summon. Like Glasya-Labolas.

If you want to know what that worst-case scenario looks like, I recomend reading The Magus by Alex Sumner.

It's a novel, but the magical theory in it is somewhat realistic. (Although the metode of the Magus in that book is bot a method commonly used --for obvious reasons-- but effective when used. There are other ways, however.)

Considering it the equalent of trying to befriend a vicious attack-dog wolf that has been abused its whole life, that thinks like a beast but has the intelligence of a man.

Some rare few may be able to... but the risk is immensely high. And any attempts to force him would not end well.

.

Then there are demons who fit into neither cathegory as well.

And that's not even touching upon the related topics of Devils or Fallen Angels. Or Lucifer.

.

As long as you don't mistake demons for angels or deities, and act respectful towards them, you should be fine. Once you know what you're doing.

I also advise to NOT use the summoning methods written in Ars Goetia. They are meant for priests, not for people who actually want to be friendly with them.

I believe I have a note on that, either tagged Demonology or Demonolatry.

.

Warnings aside...

Demons can be great friends and Allies. As long as you are respectful.

I also recommend you to check out Priestess Akelta (Satan and Sons) on YouTube.

Her video on her work with Mammom gives you great insight in both the challenges and the rewards of working with Demons.

--Belial

[petrodobreva]

Hi! Happy nice ask day!

Who are you more like, Henry or Alex?

You are a gem! Thank you for asking! I will say, it is very rare I strongly see myself in any fictional characters. And I love Alex & Henry so so so much, but I don't super strongly identify with either of them. That being said, your question did prompt some reflection so here are some similarities I identified with each of them: Alex: We are both fire signs, big flirts with high social energy, we both go for the joke, both bisexual and realized it in our early 20s, judgy about interior decor (I hate all the rugs Alex hates), but we don't say so, we both think our sisters are perfect angels who can do no wrong, big fans of Fleetwood Mac, bilingual, the grandchildren of immigrants, the darkest (physically) sibling,,, Henry: Jane Austen fans out of the womb (I have watched the 1995 P&P adaptation more than I have interacted with any other piece of media), English majors, romance and pragmatism rolled into one, know what the fuck is going on with other people (pretty accurate empathy skills), just trying to find happiness and leave the world better than I found it (pretty content with the cards dealt by life and trying to do the best I can with them), we both have partners whose brains are bigger than the biggest ballroom in Buckingham Palace and big time ADHD,,,

There are probably more things, but those are what I thought up in the shower after I saw your ask! Some big differences that keep me from feeling super close to either of them tho are probably as follows: 1. I have major big sister energy, being one myself so I relate to June and Bea pretty hard in that regard 2. I am a therapist by training so a part of me just looks at A&H analytically 3. Speaking of, they both have some pretty significant attachment trauma that I am really fortunate to not have experiened and can't really relate to

4. The sports. They are both sooo athetic. I can't even imagine. I did 90 minutes of gentle vinyasa two days ago and my body huuuurts

5. Alex's capacity for compartmentalization is staggering. And so is Henry's self-reproach. I have my own issues, but I have very little energy for either of those things. Probably related to #3.

That is all I can think of right now. Thank you for asking, friend!

[gellavonhamster]

dracula, motherf**ker!: city of angels, city of vampires

Haven’t read any new Dracula-inspired books lately, but I do have a comic book for you.

Dracula, Motherf**ker! by Alex de Campi and Erica Henderson is a graphic novel in which the Brides of Dracula get fed up with the Count using and abusing them and nail him to the bottom of his coffin in Vienna in 1889. But then he resurfaces in 1974 in Los Angeles, and the Brides have to try to stop him again, with the help of a crime scene photographer who accidentally finds out that a vampire is behind the recent murders. It is definitely, totally, certainly not available on ReadComicOnline.

Review under read more:

Okay, I know that "graphic novel” is just what the genre is called, but this is not a novel. It is a short story at best. It’s 65 pages including the cover, the character design sheets and the like, it can be read in 15 minutes. It tells a complete story, but in a very quick and fragmentary way, without much detail, and that is a pity, because the idea is interesting. Personally I am always a sucker - pun not intended - for the Brides bringing Dracula down, and I really liked that this comic doesn’t make them good people - I understand the wish to reimagine them as the kind of vampires who only attack abusers or rapists or otherwise terrible people, and I have enjoyed retellings that paint them in this manner, but this is not what they are in Bram Stoker’s novel. A character can be a villain and a victim at the same time, and I think in case of the Brides this should be explored more. And all this in a neo-noir setting! I feel like it deserved to be a longer and more complex story. Or a movie! Unfortunately, what we have feels like it barely touches the surface of what could have been.

The art, on the other hand, is very cool, with influences ranging from giallo horror to (in some places) even Gustav Klimt. 

I also enjoyed the take on Count Dracula here. It is really creepy and original: he doesn’t look remotely like a man, he’s an eldritch whirlwind of eyes and claws. In her afterword to the graphic novel, On monsters, which I honestly found the most interesting part of this book, Alex de Campi writes that making Dracula a handsome romantic hero is too easy - then the Brides becoming his Brides in the first place could be explained with love. But if he’s a shapeless horror, then it makes the Brides the kind of women that see that a monster is clearly a monster and still agree to be with him in order to get the wealth and power he is offering. And then, when a monster turns out even more monstrous than they were expecting, have to become monstrous themselves to free themselves of him.

There’s also some fun intertextuality going on. The names of the Brides are taken from Van Helsing (2004), unless I am mistaken and they had these names in some earlier adaptation. Also, while it is clearly AU in relation to Dracula the novel, I need to warn the Dracula Daily readers that there is a pretty big spoiler for the end of the book. However, you might not realize it is a spoiler until you get to the afterword mentioned above, and just see it as a reference to the book. I can’t really get into more details, because then I will certainly spoil the book for you myself. 

All in all, I found this a bunch of cool concepts in a very pretty trenchcoat, which deserved better execution. Still not regretting I read it, though.

[quoteablebooks]

Genre: Young Adult, Contemporary Romance, Achillean  

Rating: 4 out of 5

Content Warning: Sexual content, Homophobia, Outing, Death of parent, Sexual assault, Drug abuse, Racism  

Summary:

A big-hearted romantic comedy in which the First Son falls in love with the Prince of Wales after an incident of international proportions forces them to pretend to be best friends... First Son Alex Claremont-Diaz is the closest thing to a prince this side of the Atlantic. With his intrepid sister and the Veep’s genius granddaughter, they’re the White House Trio, a beautiful millennial marketing strategy for his mother, President Ellen Claremont. International socialite duties do have downsides—namely, when photos of a confrontation with his longtime nemesis Prince Henry at a royal wedding leak to the tabloids and threaten American/British relations. The plan for damage control: staging a fake friendship between the First Son and the Prince. Alex is busy enough handling his mother’s bloodthirsty opponents and his own political ambitions without an uptight royal slowing him down. But beneath Henry’s Prince Charming veneer, there’s a soft-hearted eccentric with a dry sense of humor and more than one ghost haunting him. As President Claremont kicks off her reelection bid, Alex finds himself hurtling into a secret relationship with Henry that could derail the campaign and upend two nations. And Henry throws everything into question for Alex, an impulsive, charming guy who thought he knew everything: What is worth the sacrifice? How do you do all the good you can do? And, most importantly, how will history remember you?

*Opinions*

You couldn’t breathe without hearing about this novel back when it was released in 2019. It was all the rage and won the best romance and best debut novel in the 2019 Goodreads Choice awards. At the time, I really didn’t have any interest in reading it. I didn’t consider myself a romance reader and nothing about it really pulled me in. However, after hearing all the hype and seeing that there is an adaption coming out soon, I decided to get it out of the library and give it a chance. I was pleasantly surprised.

Red, White, and Royal Blue follows Alex, the first son of the united states, as he navigates his complicated hate-to-friends-to-lovers relationship with the younger Prince of England, Henry. This relationship is complicated by both men’s political standing, the fact that neither of them is out, and that it is the election year for Alex’s mom to secure a second term in the White House. I am not going to talk about Alex’s journey of realizing that he is bisexual or anything else related to his and Henry’s sexuality because as a straight woman, I don’t have anything to add to that conversation. I will say that nothing happened that stood out to me as super offensive, but again, straight woman.

I did see some reviews stating that Alex was annoying and obnoxious, which hindered their enjoyment of the novel. While I agree at times that Alex is annoying and obnoxious, for me these traits made him more well-rounded than unbearable. Alex even admits that he is loud and can’t stop talking and just a lot and I think that is characterized well in the novel. As someone with anxiety, Alex always has to be working to push down his overbearing emotions is very relatable. While I think he swore a little too much, it took me out of the story sometimes, I cared about him and what happened to him and his friends. Henry was a bit harder to connect with, but that’s just because the point of view is close to Alex. He is still a likable character, but I felt as if Alex told me more about Henry than I saw in the narrative. The side characters of Nora and June felt well-rounded, but some of the others felt more like stereotypes of characters than real people. Nothing super egregious, but something I noticed.

The biggest detractor, and what most people point to in their criticisms, is the black-and-white view of politics in the United States. Alex’s mom is a Democratic woman from Texas that not only wins the presidency once, but twice. Her opponent in the 2020 election is an obvious stand-in for Trump and while the amount of horrible things he had been alleged to do makes Richards look like a choir boy, in the story Richards seemed like an over-the-top villain. I can’t get into any more detail without spoilers, but I think a horrible thing too much was added to make him believable. Again, we know enough about some politicians now that perhaps it just feels ridiculous to see it on paper. However, Alex’s mom and his family are depicted as honest and upright and always doing the right thing. It’s a great fantasy, but I cannot believe that any politician makes it so that we know their name without skeletons in their closet. That’s just how politics in the U.S. work. McQuiston stated that this story was part of her detail with the administration in power from 2016-2020, but at some points, the obvious fantasy of the politics pulled me out of the story.

I also had issues with the number of times that the novel touched on very important topics, imperialism being a huge one, and then never really addressed. I wish they weren’t mentioned at all, or really addressed. This light touching on and then pulling away took me out of the story.

The spicy scenes and romance hit the feelings they were supposed to it. There is a good deal of tenderness in this novel along with the desperate make-out sessions and risky blow-jobs. As a romance novel, I don’t have any complaints, but the politics of the novel and some of the lack of secondary characters take a star off my rating. I don’t think I’ll buy this novel for my shelves, but a 4 out of 5 reads.

[apatchedupdoll]

There’s a lot on Tumblr that I didn’t know I needed in my life. It gets distracting, but then sometimes it flares me up into wanting to make more. It drives me to want to make, either the art style, the ideas, the stories, or something else that makes me want to create. Even if it’s not drawing it could be writing or something else. That being said! Here’s todays art dump <3

This is pretty much finished, I may add some detail and touches later, but so far I’m happy with it.

The Komoraku or whatever I’m gonna call it is also going okay. I’ve colored everything, I just need to start adding detail, maybe a little more color differations but it seems to be going on fine. I’ll probably finish this tonight after I work.

Oh look! Turtle ocs? Nah it couldn’t be. Totally not a bunch of characters I made for the Prisoner’s Bale story. But seriously this is a lot of fun. This is pretty much the first iteration of the family so things could massively change before anything is set in stone. I’ve already changed Tobi’s age like 3 times already. I’m not totally convinced by Sophie’s design and Alex’s patters need some work for sure. There are a few other things I’m thinking about but you’ll have to wait for those changes to find out.

So why am I showing off the characters of Prisoner’s Bale? Well if I haven’t said or made it clear in my last posts (idk man sometimes I don’t make things easy) I’ve decided I’m going to make a comic for the story. Unlike Oh, Where Have You Been Brother? this one will be thought out very extensively. Think of this as sharpening my blade before I even try the Mother’s Land comic. ‘But wait, if you’re making two stories for rottmnt, then why are you making something that doesn’t relate at all?’ I hear you ask curiously while trying to get the cookie jar from the top of the fridge while I start to monologue. Ah, well I really like rottmnt and (as much as I’m happy we’re getting a new movie) I really don’t want to let it go just yet. I find fanfictions are the perfect way to help skills develop. If you’ve seen my Oh, Where Have You Been Brother? you may notice my writing skills are shit. I’ve also realized I tend to write myself into corners without realizing it before the last minute and have to rewrite almost everything, in fact I had a plan and when I posted the latest chapter I realized, oh wait oh shit fuck that means that this won’t work so that means oh god oh fuck shit fuck! I’ll let you guess what I fucked up lol. The point is I’m using my love of TMNT to help me develop better skills for projects that don’t need and can’t have the crutches fanfictions give. Does that mean all TMNT fanfictions do this? No, but this is what I use it for. I just feel like acknowledging it is good and something I shouldn’t be ashamed of.

So that’s my ramble. I hope y’all like the art. Maybe you found something useful and relatable hehehe. Oh and chapter 5 of OWHYBB is on its way. I can see it being finished around Thursday, but spring break is also over tomorrow so bleh! Things will def slow down when writing, still will have daily art uploads. Have a good day! I hope y’all remember not to eat too many cookies!

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Skating on Thin Ice - Chapter 11 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Elijah Ellis

Later on, I woke up to Joshua and Fox talking.

I rolled over on the bed, hoping to get some more rest before the game.

Fox laughed at something Joshua said and the sound was like a melody.

He was always so serious but when he let himself calm down for a moment, I realized the true him was softer than he wanted to let on.

His laugh was smooth and melodic.

It reminded me of honey, sweet and something that would stick with you.

Even if I never heard it again, I would remember that sound.

I sat up in bed, stretching my arms above my head and let out a long yawn, my jaw aching from being open so wide.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," Joshua sarcastically remarked.

"What time is it?" I rasped, feeling around the bed for my cell-phone and not finding it.

"Almost four. We need to go catch an early dinner soon. Coach doesn't want us eating too close to game time."

Instead of answering him, I got out of bed and headed toward the bathroom.

After I was done in there, Fox and Joshua had woken up Ian and the three of them seemed as if they were ready to head down to the lobby to meet the team for our meal.

When we met up with the rest of the team, we got a table with Ryan, Jude, Alex and Liam who were all rooming with each other.

Ryan looked around the room, as if making sure no one was around to hear us, before motioning for us to lean in at the table so he could tell us something.

"We're going to the pool tonight after the coaches go to bed," Ryan excitedly whispered, looking around at all of us to see our reactions.

"Yes," Alex nearly shouted but he was shushed by Jude.

"Are we really supposed to be doing that?" I asked quietly, giving Ryan and confused look.

"Yes. It's tradition, Ellis," Ryan told me in an amused tone.

"Silva and Merton are dead asleep by like ten o'clock the latest," Jude informed me with a chuckle.

"So you do this whenever you're at a hotel?" I asked to no one in particular.

Ryan nodded.

"We usually have another dinner after the game and then the coaches pretty much leave us alone."

"Even grumpy guts over there comes with us," Alex joked, pointing his finger toward Fox who just scowled and flipped him off.

While I wasn't too keen on hanging around with Fox and his friends after hockey, I was slightly intrigued by their plan of going to the pool later on.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all.

********

After winning the game three to one, the team headed back to the hotel.

Fox, Ian, Joshua and I made our way up to our room to get changed and go down to our late dinner with the team.

Since I didn't shower at the locker rooms, I opted to shower at the hotel before dinner.

"Do you want us to wait for you?" Joshua asked as I stood in the doorway of the bathroom. I shook my head.

"No, I'll meet you down there."

And with that, Joshua nodded and I shut the door to the bathroom so I could take my shower.

I didn't take long, just washing up a bit with soap.

When I got out, I got dressed and quickly towel dried my hair.

After stepping out of the bathroom, I noticed Fox was sitting outside on the balcony attached to our room.

Before I could stop myself, I was walking to the balcony and stepping outside, sliding the door shut behind me.

Fox didn't even acknowledge me when I walked onto the balcony.

"Aren't you coming to dinner?" I asked after a few moments of silence.

"No."

I sat down in the chair beside him, giving him a confused look.

"You can leave now," he spat, sending me a malicious glare.

"I still don't understand why you have such a huge problem with me," I shot back, my voice matching his.

Fox was the one person on this team I could truly relate to and it bothered me that the two of us were at odds.

He seemed too closed off to have much of a connection with anyone.

He was a flame, intent on burning me if I got too close.

"I don't have a problem with you."

I scoffed at his words and shook my head, staring out at the view in front of us.

The town was lit up, the lights of homes resembling the stars in the sky.

If only I could wish on these stars.

"That's bullshit," I said in a throaty tone, my voice coming out raspier than I intended.

Fox didn't answer, his silence telling me all I needed to know.

Instead of sitting out here in silence with someone who would rather cut his tongue out than speak to me, I stood up and reached out to pull the patio door open.

Only when I tugged on the handle, it wouldn't budge.

I forcefully pulled the handle again and again but it still wouldn't open.

"Um... Fox?" I trailed, my voice panicked as my stomach fell to my feet.

"What?" he snapped, whipping his head toward me.

The door still wouldn't budge, even with me tearing at it like my life depended on it, maybe it did.

"The door won't open."

"Call Joshua," Fox demanded as he pulled on the door again.

I patted my pockets for my cell-phone and my eyes widened when I realized it wasn't there.

I stepped closer to the sliding door and looked inside to see my cell phone comfortably sitting on the nightstand beside my bed.

"Um, can you call him?" I timidly asked.

"My cell-phone is inside charging. Just hurry up and call him for Pete's sake."

I let out a heavy sigh and pulled my hand down my face in frustration.

"My cell-phone is inside the room, as well," I apprehensively admitted. Fox slowly turned toward me, his gaze dark and his eyes wide in panic.

His skin paled slightly as he looked at me and realized I was being dead serious.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he seethed, his hands going up to his head and pulling on his hair.

"This wouldn't have happened if you didn't come out here."

"Don't blame this on me," I argued.

"How was I supposed to know the door wouldn't open?"

"You shouldn't have come out here," Fox replied argumentatively.

"Yeah, then you'd be stuck out here by yourself."

"I'd rather be stuck out here alone than with you," Fox spat before returning to his seat and crossing his arms over his chest, pulling his jacket closer to his body.

"That makes it sound like you have a problem with me," I retorted sardonically, reclaiming my seat beside him.

Fox didn't answer me verbally but I could feel the heat from his scowl singe my skin from where he sat.

I didn't want to admit to myself that I needed Fox but I couldn't help but feel like I did.

In a place where I felt like I didn't belong, he was my only sense of familiarity.

He was the only guy on the team I could relate to and if I ever wanted to feel like I belonged here, I needed his approval.

No matter how painful it was to admit it, even only to myself.

"You know I would never out you, right?" I asked him with a serious expression on my face.

"Like no matter how you treat me. I won't do it."

His gaze softened slightly but he was still guarded as if he didn't believe I was being sincere.

It was the first time I truly saw the walls he had built up around him.

I would never describe Fox as afraid but his look told me he was wary of continuing this conversation with me.

"Do you regret it?" Fox asked in a soft tone.

"Regret what?"

"Coming out," he answered.

"You've had to take a ton of shit for it."

I pondered on the thought for a moment.

Obviously, coming out caused a great deal of complications in my life.

I was cast out from my home, from my team and from my friends.

However, I wasn't any happier with myself before coming out than I was now.

I hated hiding who I was.

It was like the real me was watching my life from the sidelines, eagerly waiting to get a turn but never getting the chance.

It gave me a feeling of emptiness, like I was living somebody else's life and no my own.

"No," I finally answered him, shaking my head while looking out at the city.

"No? Seriously?" he wondered in a light tone, tilting his head to the side with a troubled look on his face.

Although he was questioning me, it didn't feel as though he was judging, just stunned as if he couldn't imagine how I was actually okay with how my life had been going.

I stretched my legs out and crossed my right ankle over my left before turning to glance at Fox who was already looking at me.

Part of me didn't want to get into my feelings with him but I still wanted him to accept me.

"I mean sure, it sucks sometimes, having everyone know," I admitted, clearing my throat.

"But it was tiring hiding that part of me. I couldn't do it anymore. Even if it meant losing everything, it was worth it."

The icy wind blew, causing goosebumps to form on my arms.

The cold temperature seemed to match the mood of this conversation, formal and stiff without any comfort.

My hands snaked up my arms to rub them, trying to produce some warmth.

A movement from Fox caught my attention as he stood up and took his jacket off, revealing his sweatshirt underneath and threw it at me.

"Thanks," I said as I stuck my arms in the jacket and zipped it up.

Fox was slightly larger than me but the jacket fit fine.

"I'm sorry for what I said the other day," Fox suddenly apologized after sitting back down in his chair.

"I know you don't have it easy."

"It's alright," I assured him with a timid smile.

"And I'm sorry for treating you like shit, ever since you got here," Fox added with a sigh.

The look on his face and the sound of his voice didn't match his apologies but I had a feeling that was only because he wasn't used to apologizing.

"What's with the change of heart?" I teased, trying to mask the slight discomfort I felt.

"I don't know," he replied.

"Maybe I just realized that you have enough shit to deal with without me making it any worse. I'm supposed to be the Team Captain and that means looking out for all of you."

A genuine smile broke out on my face.

The wind blew again but with the protection of Fox's jacket, my body didn't feel the icy cold.

"Does this mean we can be friends?" I asked him teasingly, though I wasn't kidding.

Fox scoffed.

"Friends?" I nodded, looking at him to answer me.

"I'll think about it," he responded, causing me to shoot him an agitated look.

[shovson]

Thank YOU <33 This is a long ass story tbh... tw is only the mental issues that i had to deal with, but now I can handle them pretty well. I also has set no reblog for this ask because my friend is also using tumblr and I don't want her to see this. (no one will reblog anyway

I’m a George stan and lived with a Max stan, probably the biggest George anti for two years. I started watching F1 because of her, and thought we will be fine, because we were good friends and drivers can’t change this fact at all. I always gave her Max merch for her birthday or when I wanted to buy something for myself etc etc

We were all good and fun but on March she moved to Netherlands and won’t be back in the future I think, I have to stay here because my family are and it’s still the best option for me. I had a serious separation anxiety disorder and started crying everyday from a week before her move out day and it lasted around two weeks? I stayed in the apartment alone and tried my best to get my shit together, but on April I was laid off from my job. At that time I had no income and had to seek for jobs and also a cheaper apartment because I couldn’t afford the current one anymore. I even had to find a therapist.

I decided to go to Miami GP to relax myself a little, and you know that’s right after the George and Max argument😅 I didn’t talk about this with my friend because I thought that’s not a big deal and ppl think they're funny, until when I was on my way to the airport to Miami I saw her using some bad words (like really bad) to talk about George then blocked two of my F1 related accounts, and she didn’t want to talk to me about this at all. At first I was angry then it became self doubting, like what if she doesn’t even like me in the first place (because her other mutuals also post George sometimes), what if I was not a good friend and good roommate for her. I know I’m a mediocre person, acted like too needy to her, always making troubles when cooking, and she never liked my cat. My parents are divorced and will never have a happy and healthy family like hers. My friends said it’s not worth it because I do have other friends to hangout but it’s not that simple for me, it hurts more than when you suddenly thinking about your ex girlfriend at midnight and makes you wanna cry lmao

Then after June I am living with my friend in a new apartment and can at least earn some money, everything becomes better. At this time I started writing russtappen fic😁… At first it’s only for revenge, kind of? I know she's using AO3 as well and I do curious about her reaction when she saw it, would she read it or not. To write Max more in character, I searched a lot of contents about him (I was neutral about Max and never got to know him tbh, just followed the fellow merc fans for the anti rbr train before), found out that he’s somehow an interesting person. Then I am digging russtappen contents on tiktok and here, of course I saw all your drawing and edits, they are amazing!! <3 I still don’t think the Max that I wrote is in character, because it’s a gender reversed AU and russtappen in my fic are actually much more gentle and idealized than irl. Luckily I got more interacts than I thought, the fic is non-english but there’re ppl willing to translate it and wrote me comments, i appreciate! 

Now I think my F1 opinions may be changed compare to the time I just started watching. Of course I’m still a George stan, but i don’t even consider myself as a merc fan by how George is being treated, and I am kinda tired for the hate toward Max only because he’s fast. At least he loves his cats much much more than Alex does. While continue finishing my fic, I am actually talking to my friend again. It’s me who usually start the conversations and her responds are not enthusiastic tbh, (we don’t talk about my fic, not even our daily life, just some memes like the logan sargeant update on twitter) I don’t know if this is toxic or unhealthy for me, I just realized that maybe I don’t care about her that much anymore and don’t care about how she feels about me. And that’s the end. wOW it is long and i hope no one will finish reading this. As a conclusion I will stay away from Libras for the rest of my life because they're heartless

stranger anon i don't have anything to contribute bc wow!!! the layers!!! but im happy about ur life and f1 journey....hoping everything continues on the upward trajectory bwahaha ^_^. losing friendships is hard but sometimes it's just the best path ahead for your own sanity yk? thank you for sharing <3. my inbox is always open for anything

and also max verstappen is a libra

[nostalgiaenvy]

Reboot or Sequel? Home Alone 3.

“Home Alone 3” is hardly a true sequel to the original movies. Nevertheless, the stakes are higher, and the gags are just as funny. This is absolutely a Home Alone movie, it’s just not the same.

However, please don’t let this deter you from watching the movie. There is a reason I placed this 4th on my list, and above both “Home Alone” and “Home Alone 2: Lost in New York”. Hitting every mark as the first two, this movie goes beyond and captures the feeling of being a powerless kid. 

Kevin! I mean, Alex!

Instead of being forgotten on vacation, the main character Alex is home sick with chickenpox. From his bedroom window he starts to see strange things happening in the neighborhood. Strangers who look the same, but different, and people breaking into homes while everyone is at work. Yet, nobody believes him.

Once again these strangers find themselves in the protagonist’s home, and it’s up to Alex alone to protect it.

Even after 2 movies, there is a new full set of booby traps rigged throughout the house, and the neighborhood that Alex uses to take down not two, but four bad guys who are on the FBI’s most wanted list.

It’s intense.

What makes this movie so captivating to me is how smart Alex is. If Kevin was 2 steps ahead, Alex is 3 and already thinking about 4. His traps are intricate, and he uses his environment and nature’s elements. 

You can tell how well thought out and planned this movie is. It’s refreshing especially for a movie that is simultaneously the third in the series and a reboot. 

The reason I enjoy this movie more than the first two is due to how relatable it is. Alex isn’t forgotten or abandoned, he’s just a sick kid trying to get through his day. Not only that, he’s not even looking for trouble. Unlike Kevin he actually makes an attempt to call for help, 3 times. It’s not until he realizes nobody believes him that he takes it upon himself.

Third time’s a charm.

Just like the first two movies, Home Alone is in my opinion, about self-worth and empowerment in adolescents. It’s about discovering who you are and what you’re capable of. Was I ever going to defend my home against home invaders? No, it never happened. However, watching this movie growing up was very reassuring for who I was, and the confidence in my own abilities.

I only wish more people would give this movie a chance. Whenever I tell people “Home Alone 3” is my favorite in the series they are shocked, and remind me it doesn’t have Macaulay Caulkin. Yes, I know I watched the movie.  

This is one of those situations where, surprisingly, I’m the one not blinded by nostalgia. All it takes to enjoy this movie letting go of what you perceive Home Alone to be. It’s not a story about Kevin McCallister, it’s about fun, deception, and self worth. If you can see that you can enjoy this movie to its fullest. 

That being said, this is where my love for Home Alone ends. I can’t get myself to watch past this one. The next 3 movies failed to capture my attention and emotion in the way the first 3 did, which is a shame.

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[oddsjam]

No Fluff, How I Made $400,000 Betting on Sports Part-Time & Why I Write Software for Bettors

Hey, what's up, everyone? My name is Alex and I graduated from Stanford in mathematics and computer science. I'm a data guy, and I'm a software guy, but there are two things that I really love. The first is betting on sports and beating the sportsbooks, and the second one is pretty related, but it's writing software to help me bet on sports and beat the sportsbooks. I think about why I've always been so fascinated by sports.

Betting is unlike other forms of gambling like slots or roulette in sports betting. You can actually have a mathematical profit margin over the sports book and win in the long term, and that's what these articles are going to be about. We are going to talk about becoming more data-driven, more mathematical, and, most importantly, a more profitable sports bettor. So there won't be any fancy: graphics, no fluff, no bs, I'm not a movie producer, but I hope you read until the end of this article because we are going to talk about key concepts to making money in sports betting.

Now me personally, I have profited over four hundred thousand dollars since regulated sports betting came to the united states in 2018. I've never done it full-time and I would never even consider doing it full-time. In this video I'll try to weave in my experience, to share, show, and prove to you everything that I am saying now very briefly before we dive in.

I want to make it very clear: I'm not saying that sports betting in the US or Canada is easy because it's absolutely not. I have spent thousands of hours building models to help myself bet on sports writing software to identify lines, discrepancies, and profitable betting opportunities. It is not easy and sports betting is never going to be a game for the impatient.

Sportsbook Accounts

You have to be fast, disciplined, and also mathematical, and that's what we're going to talk about, but before we dive in we can take a look very briefly at one of my sportsbook accounts This is how seriously I was betting! Here we can see an example of what one of my many many sportsbook accounts looks like. This is my DraftKings and there are nights between sportsbooks I've had over fifty thousand dollars in bets spread across.

There are 35 plus bets all on bets that are mathematically profitable, so you'll see wins and losses here. Nobody wins every time, it's all about finding odds in your favor so that you win in the long run right, it's kind of like investing. You won't win every day as a profitable better. You obviously won't win every bet, but over the course of the long run you will make money, and, for me, it's a pretty incredible feeling to have.

I have a mathematical profit margin in every bet that I place. I sit back and ultimately watch games and let the math work itself out to make me money. The last thing I'll say before we dive in is that, if you like this content, please like please subscribe. Please share. That's really the only way. I know that this content is actually valuable to other people.

Sports Betting Concept One: Financial Markets

This is the most important concept in sports betting and it is the realization that sports are a financial market. Just like the stock market. In case you need my background, I worked as a quantitative trader on wall street and I understand this may sound very weird to some people, but in sports betting it is not about sports, it is not about picking winners, it is about identifying inefficiencies and odds on the US and Canadian sports books. Taking advantage of them is the name of the game.

Now, when I say financial market, there are two important parts to that. The first is that sportsbook odds are not static. Second, they are determined by supply and demand, and things can move quickly. Just like the price of GameStop stock can go from 160 one minute to 200 the next minute. It's exactly the same. If Kevin Durant gets injured, maybe the Nets in tonight's game go from minus 200 odds to minus 120 odds in a matter of minutes. The Nets are less likely to win and that's reflected in the odds.

At the same time, maybe Kyrie Irving is expected to have the ball more in his over 30 points goes from -110 odds to -210 odds. Again, odds are constantly changing across bookmakers. As new information is absorbed into the market and bettors place, bets supply and demand.

That's concept one. Sports betting is a financial market, like all others, and this is really important to understand because, unlike other markets, the sports betting market is very inefficient.

Line Shopping

You have hundreds of bookmakers in this global ecosystem, largely setting odds independently firing a bunch of algorithms trying to balance supply and demand on both sides and update their odds, and this yields a lot of interesting inefficiencies which we can look at right here. Here's an example from OddsJam and just how crazy the sports betting market is.

You have all these books running around trying to set their lines independently, so here we can see an example from the Yankees-Twins game tomorrow. The Twins, for example, are plus 180 on BetMGM, they're plus 215 on FoxBet. Could you ever imagine placing a bet plus 180 odds on BetMGM, if you knew you were getting plus 215 on FoxBet, it's absurd. Now, if you think these discrepancies and odds like the difference, even between plus 200 and plus 215, is small, then there is a massive massive flaw in your thinking. Sports betting is all about earning one percent to seven percent profit margins on a daily basis and watching those returns compound and compound and compound.

Just think about the stock market. People get rich investing in the stock market, which returns like eight percent per year on average. Imagine if you could earn three percent per day in sports. That is the goal: earning a three percent return on capital every day in sports betting and watching your returns compound and compound and compound.

Now, let me tell you that is never in your life going to happen if you're placing bets at plus 180 odds and plus 200 odds when there's another sports book in your location giving you plus 215 odds. These small differences or seemingly small differences in sports book odds in the line discrepancies add up to a lot of money in the long run, so this is kind of an example of what all these sports betting markets setting lines independently looks like in real-time. So, if you think about it, this difference in sports book odds is actually really fascinating and pretty mind-boggling!

It's not like I go to robin hood versus e-trade and I see a different price on apple stock. It doesn't really make sense, but in sports clicking one tab over from bar stool to BetMGM can really change your payout in a big way.

Why Do Sports Betting Market Inefficiencies Exist?

So a lot of people may be wondering well that doesn't make much sense. Why do all these sportsbooks have different odds? Why don't they just copy each other? The reason for that, because it's a great question, is all sports books largely want to be unique. They don't want the same odds as FanDuel. They don't want the same odds as BetMGM or Pinnacle.

We wouldn't need hundreds of sportsbooks in this global sports betting ecosystem if every single sportsbook had the exact same odds, it wouldn't make sense. These sports books largely want to be unique, set their own lines, have their own models, and do it themselves from a sports betting perspective. It works in favor of the books because you need multiple sportsbook accounts to be successful.

This is called line shopping and it's browsing odds between different bookmakers and only placing bets at the best possible odds. You do not want to get ripped off by sportsbooks. You should never be placing a bet on BetMGM at plus 145 odds if you can go one tab over in your state and place that bet on DraftKings, at +160 odds, so line shopping is a very important concept in sports betting, and doing it ruthlessly adds up to a lot of money in the long run.

Don't get ripped off by the sportsbooks! Only take bets on sportsbooks that are offering you the best odds. There are around 50, plus regulated and offshore bookmakers in the US and Canada. You should have as many accounts as possible. It takes like two to three minutes to create an account. When I was actively really betting before I started OddsJam I had like 30 or 40 sportsbook accounts that I used such as Wynnbet PointsBet Caesars, DraftKings, FanDuel, and BetMGM. The US has tons of them!

You never know when there's going to be a great opportunity with great odds on a particular book so having more books just increases the number of possible profitable betting opportunities that you can place. The more books, the merrier, in my opinion.

Sportsbook Sign-Up Bonus

The one thing we're not really going to talk about in this video, but it's worth mentioning, is a lot of these sportsbooks offer sign-up bonuses if you make an account with them.

They all do it and if you think about it, a lot of people think it's too good to be true. How are these sports books giving me a thousand dollars to sign up? When you think about it, they're in ruthless competition with a ton of commodity businesses, right? These are all commodity businesses, they're sports books. They accept the wagers DraftKings has to compete with FanDuel has to compete with PointsBet and they offer users like a thousand dollars, two thousand dollars, and free credits or some promotion to sign up!

Knowing how to do these sportsbook sign-up bonuses and promotions in a mathematically optimal way can actually lead you to a lot of money. I started betting in Pennsylvania, but then I went to New Jersey with a friend. I stayed in Hoboken and I calculated at that time that New Jersey sign-up bonuses if you knew how to do them right in a mathematically optimal way between Caesar's William Hill you could make $5,000 just from sign-up bonuses alone in New Jersey.

I would recommend checking out our article on sign-up bonuses. However, if you have questions you can also email us because this is one of the easiest ways to make money: sports betting.

Sportsbook Betting Limits

There's another reason that you are going to need multiple sportsbook accounts and that is limits.

Limits, my least favorite word. This is a question I get a lot from friends, and former colleagues I've worked with is well if you're a profitable sports bettor why can't you just bet bigger? In other words, if you have a three percent edge, you're betting, a thousand dollars and you're getting thirty dollars an expected return? Why can't you just start betting bigger?

The reason is because of limits in the business model of US and Canadian sportsbooks. I'll be the first to break it to you, you're never going to make a million dollars off of a US, regulated, or Canadian sports book, and the reason for that is limits. This is why sports betting is unscalable and honestly becoming a professional sports bettor is not lucrative and everybody who claims to be a professional sports bettor is really just starting a company to try to sell you something in sports betting.

The sky is realistically not the limit because of bookmaker limits. Now, when I say limit, all I mean is: if you start betting out on FanDuel, for example, when I started betting on FanDuel, I could place five thousand dollars per bet on basically anything.

If FanDuel determines that you are a winning bettor, a mathematically profitable bettor, that limit will slowly come down. Now I can barely bet more than 50 dollars on FanDuel and, on the other hand, if you're losing better, the sportsbook will take your limit up. So basically, you start out being able to bet a lot of money on all of these sportsbooks, but if these sportsbooks determine you are smart and mathematically profitable, these limits will slowly come down.

This is why you probably don't know anybody smart, who is a professional sports bettor, and why it's really an industry that attracts zero talent in technical people. It's solely because of limits regulated sports books are not in the business of taking people's money who are smart. They are in the business of limiting people who are smart and keeping around the losers. That's just how the industry works, and that also means, if you know, people who claim to be really great bettors but they're, not getting limited they're probably just not profitable.

Getting limited is oddly a sign of success. I'll be very clear here: limits are a function of profitability. I've run models to prove that. That's gotten me limited. I've obviously written software to identify line discrepancies that have gotten me limited. If you are making money, you will inevitably get limited and at the same time, if you think you're making money- and you aren't getting limited, you should track your bets and get your exact profit and loss. You probably aren't making money. I've personally been limited by almost 20 bookmakers at this point, which is pretty crazy, but again it's just part of the game.

This is just how the industry works. Sportsbooks are in the business of limiting winners and keeping around the losers um. This isn't meant to discourage anybody from betting on sports. Obviously, sports betting is really fun, especially if you're making money and it can still be lucrative. It's just to say that you're probably never gonna make four hundred thousand dollars three hundred thousand dollars off of one sports book, you're going to get limited well before that.

The goal is to make twenty thousand off of five ten or fifteen sports books. That is really your goal here. The power is in the number of sports books you have and again with this crazy wave of regulation and legalization in the US as well as Canada, there are a lot of different bookmakers. Do their signup bonuses! Take advantage of them and make as much money as you can. You will lose some accounts. Here we can see my FanDuel profit, 38 000, not terrible.

I can tell you this will never probably even pass 50 000 because I can barely even place a bet on the product anymore. The powers and the number of books. I have one final point I'll leave you with because it's kind of fun and kind of interesting.

Different states have different sportsbooks, for example, I'm in Virginia right now. So there's one bet I can bet on Wynn bet. If I'm in Pennsylvania, I can't. Long story short, you do not need to physically live in a state to bet on that state's sports books. I actually have spent some time traveling. When I've been in Nashville Tennessee I've created the sportsbook accounts, and done the signup promotions. samr thing in Vegas. So I highly recommend if you are traveling check if you're in a regulated location- and if you are, you can still bet on sports to at least take advantage of the signup bonuses and have some fun sports betting while you're there.

Sports Betting Hedge Fund

The point of sports betting is earning 2-3 percent returns on a daily basis and watching those returns compound and compound and compound. Now, what's really interesting is, if you think about all the different sportsbook accounts you could get in New Jersey, then, if you think about all the offshore bucks like Bovada and BetUS. Add up the total amount of odds on these sites at any given time, we are talking about millions and millions and millions of odds, and it's a lot.

These odds are always moving as we kind of talked about. So, in my opinion, at least, it's nearly impossible to find good bets manually. It's not going to happen. Odds are always changing and good lines don't last forever. Anybody who's made serious money sports betting will tell you: you need good software if you actually expect to profit in sports betting. That's why I initially built OddsJam! I wanted to make software to save myself time and make myself more money, of course.

At this point I've been limited by basically every sports book- it's not as useful for me, but hopefully for you. It can save you time and make you money. We process millions and millions of odds every single minute, powered by hundreds of hundreds of servers to show you some of the best betting opportunities as well as live odds from around the world.

It's a pretty powerful tool because there's no fluff and no bs. We just build tools based on real-time odds and what's better than building tools based on real market data? We also power a lot of companies in the industry through our real-time API of live odds. I encourage you to check it out!

[causticsunshine]

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[beautifulblooms]

Can I request a Steve X byers male reader ,where the reader SA at a party and began to distance himself for everyone even his family (this can be set up if the Byers family never left Hawkins) and Everyone was worried cause every time they tried to speak to him he’ll just walk over or runaway an how he’ll be squirming in his sit every time he sit down anywhere.Joyce will be the first to find out cause she went through his room and found his diary about it ?  and he ending up inviting everyone in his home and tell them why he been acting weird and Steve comfort the reader and cuddle him until he fall asleep. (Feel free to not write this if not comfortable)

You're Not Alone Here Babe - Steve Harrington x Male!Byers!Reader

Male!Reader, he/him, this is quite honestly something I can really relate to, I as someone who's been a victim of un-consensual touches/sexual assault would like to say that anyone who has experienced this is not alone, it is sadly very common, and it is a very serious thing that happens which most people take far too lightly. On that note, this will be a hurt+comfort, and for my own sake the SA scene will be slightly glazed over, not ignoring it, just not vividly described. I hope those who relate to this can find a bit of solidarity and comfort in this, and just know that you are never alone. I kinda cut the last bit out where reader tells everyone what happened, but he does tell Steve and there’s some good fluff that happens afterwards.

CIS Women and Female Aligned people, please DNI, this story and all of my others are for non-binary, masculine aligned and male readers!

Tags: @qthetherapist , @rlmt1 , @eddieverse , @alexs-playground @mazettns, @mother-dragon-and-her-hatchlings

SEXUAL ASSAULT WARNING PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!

I shouldn’t have come here, parties aren’t my thing and I really can’t fucking handle liquor either, there should be no reason I’m at this fucking house party, damn near black out drunk with someone hanging off me.

“C’mon (y/n), I know you like me to, just lemme kiss you, a few kisses won’t kill you.” I wanted to scream, shout at her to get off of me, I didn’t want kisses from someone else, I wanted Steve. I wanted my boyfriend, why can’t he be here when I need him, not like he can kiss me right now but that’s all I want. She made her way onto her toes, trying so desperately to drag me down to kiss my lips even in my drunken state I was able to keep my back plastered to the wall and stiff as a board.

“Just lean down for me, your lips must be so soft c’mon lemme kiss youuu.” Half her words were slurred and I could only half make out what she was saying. She must’ve realized I wasn’t gonna lean down and just began to kiss my neck, all the way around, lingering on my Adam's apple and trying to pull the collar of my shirt down to keep kissing down. She just kept going, we were literally on the back porch of the house, all I wanted was to sit down and sober up before driving myself home. Now here I was stuck pressed up against a wall being kissed up and down by a girl I didn’t even know.

“If you won’t lean down for me I guess I’ll lean down a lot more for you.” Fuck. Fuck no. I glance down, the only thing I can do while stuck here in my panic attack and anger. She’s on her knees in an instant, rubbing her face on my crotch and slowly reaching out the zipper.

“No please, don’t.” All I could mutter was “no”’s and “don’t”’s begging her to stop what she was doing.

“Please? Are you asking me all pretty to keep going?” She just kept going, then the back door slammed open, thank god someone was gonna help.

“The hell do you think you’re doing to him? Get off!” STEVE! Thank fuck it was Steve that came out and not someone else. He grabbed her hands and pulled her away from me, shoving her to the ground. I was so close to passing out that I almost fell onto Steve, simply throwing my hands around his shoulders.

“Please, get me home, I can’t stay here Steve.” My words were shakier than I wanted, his hand making its way up my back and resting on the back of my neck.

“I’ll get you home, just hang on a second.” He slowly let go and moved to pick me up bridal style, allowing me to drape an arm around his shoulders and bury my face in his shoulder. He walked around the outside of the house so no one saw us. Careful to place me in the passenger seat he whispered some stuff to me but I couldn’t really hear it. Hopping in the drivers seat he turned the key in the ignition, starting up his car and the hum of the engine lulled me to sleep quickly.

The next couple weeks we’re a blur, wake up, school, eat, sleep, repeat. Over and over and over again until all the while I was slowly distancing myself from everyone. My mom, brothers, Steve, everyone at school, I just stopped talking to everyone. They all still tried to talk to me, trying so hard but I just couldn’t talk back, as much as I wanted to tell them about what happened I just couldn’t. I felt so empty for days, not able to do anything but the cycle I had built after what happened.

“Baby, please, I don’t want to force you, I just want to know what happened and how to help you.” Steve was sat in front of me on my bed, holding my hands and begging me to tell him what she did to me.

“I- I can’t Steve, it hurts and I don’t want to remember it, but it’s all I can think about.” Looking down at our hands the moment from that night was on loop, almost like photos flashing in my mind of what she was doing.

“Hey, baby, I’m not forcing you, you don’t have to tell me, I just want to help you that’s all. That’ll be easier if you tell me what’s going on in that cute little noggin of yours, okay? Tell ya what, how about we go get some ice cream, chill on the hood of my car off by lovers lake, and we just take a day for us yeah?” He always knew exactly what to say to me to cheer me up, I just nodded my head along to what he said and stood up. It was a short drive to the ice cream parlor, Steve let me get whatever I wanted, and as promised we took an even shorter drive to lovers lake and sat on the hood of his car. We didn’t even talk for a while, just admiring the lake and the sounds of nature all around us. Maybe this was the right time, a place I love, next to the man who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I took a deep breath before trying my best to formulate the words.

“She assaulted me, I-I mean she um, she wanted to make out with me but I didn’t want it so she- she um,” I had to take another shaky breath before continuing, the tears starting to blur my vision, “She just kept kissing on my neck, and down my chest and I think she was gonna…suck me off or something I really don’t want to think abo-“ Steve just grabbed me and pulled me into his arms, not even worried about me finishing the last part of what I was trying to tell him.

“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry that I wasn’t paying attention to you enough that you got pulled into that by her. I shouldn’t have brought you to that party, I don’t need a party to have fun with my boyfriend, all I need is you.” The tears that were threatening to spill did, gushing down my cheeks and drenching Steve’s button up as my hands clenched the back of it. Sobs racked my whole body and I wasn’t able to focus on anything but what Steve was whispering in my ears and his hands rubbing up and down my back. We stayed like that for a while before my tears finally stopped, but I still held onto Steve, too comfortable to let go. It still hurts, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, but at least I can know that I have someone who understands, someone who cares about me and will keep me safe.

[marvelgeeklikestowrite]

Letters and lines quoted by Alex and Henry in their e-mails

Sense and Sensibility: “You want nothing but patience—or give it a more fascinating name, call it hope.”

Alexander Hamilton to Laurens: The truth is I am an unlucky honest man, that speak my sentiments to all and with emphasis. I say this to you because you know it and will not charge me with vanity. I hate Congress—I hate the army—I hate the world—I hate myself. The whole is a mass of fools and knaves; I could almost except you …

Hamilton said it better in a letter to Eliza: You engross my thoughts too entirely to allow me to think of any thing else—you not only employ my mind all day; but you intrude upon my sleep. I meet you in every dream—and when I wake I cannot close my eyes again for ruminating on your sweetness.

Allen Ginsberg to Peter Orlovsky—1958: Tho I long for the actual sunlight contact between us I miss you like a home. Shine back honey & think of me.

Henry James to Hendrik C. Andersen, 1899: May the terrific U.S.A. be meanwhile not a brute to you. I feel in you a confidence, dear Boy–which to show is a joy to me. My hopes and desires and sympathies right heartily and most firmly, go with you. So keep up your heart, and tell me, as it shapes itself, your (inevitably, I imagine, more or less weird) American story. May, at any rate, tutta quella gente be good to you.

Hamilton to Laurens: You should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal into my affections without my consent.

Dear Thisbe,

I wish there weren’t a wall.

Love, Pyramus

Vita Sackville-West to Virginia Woolf—1927: With me it is quite stark: I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal.

From Radclyffe Hall to Evguenia Souline, 1934: Darling—I wonder if you realize how much I am counting on your coming to England, how much it means to me—it means all the world, and indeed my body shall be all, all yours, as yours will be all, all mine, beloved.… And nothing will matter but just we two, we two longing loves at last come together.

Eleanor Roosevelt to Lorena Hickock—1933: I miss you greatly dear. The nicest time of the day is when I write to you. You have a stormier time than I do but I miss you as much, I think.… Please keep most of your heart in Washington as long as I’m here for most of mine is with you!

From Michelangelo to Tommaso Cavalieri, 1533: I know well that, at this hour, I could as easily forget your name as the food by which I live; nay, it were easier to forget the food, which only nourishes my body miserably, than your name, which nourishes both body and soul, filling the one and the other with such sweetness that neither weariness nor fear of death is felt by me while memory preserves you to my mind. Think, if the eyes could also enjoy their portion, in what condition I should find myself.

Richard Wagner to Eliza Wille, re: Ludwig II–1864 : It is true that I have my young king who genuinely adores me. You cannot form an idea of our relations. I recall one of the dreams of my youth. I once dreamed that Shakespeare was alive: that I really saw and spoke to him: I can never forget the impression that dream made on me. Then I would have wished to see Beethoven, though he was already dead. Something of the same kind must pass in the mind of this lovable man when with me. He says he can hardly believe that he really possesses me. None can read without astonishment, without enchantment, the letters he writes to me.

Wilfred owen to siegfried sassoon—1917:And you have fixed my Life—however short. You did not light me: I was always a mad comet; but you have fixed me. I spun round you a satellite for a month, but shall swing out soon, a dark star in the orbit where you will blaze.

Jean Cocteau to Jean Marais, 1939: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for having saved me. I was drowning and you threw yourself into the water without hesitation, without a backward look.