#finally got some time and motivation to do so

[thebennsofdallas]

WWDITS S6 - What we thought we knew vs. what we know now

I’ve been struggling to string some words together about this season thus far. I think, with the exception the episode where Laszlo was forced to relive the abuse of his father, every episode has been wonderful. But two episodes I keep rewatching — Nandor’s Army and March Madness. Because in those two episodes, much was revealed about all these characters. We’re learning that these vampires care, about each other and other things, too. But this season, Nandor has especially been laid bare. No subtext, no wordplay, no wink and a nod.

Hey, Nandor? All those feelings you hide so poorly and hate so much? Too bad, buddy, they are coming out and they are gushing all over the place, like a recklessly pierced vein. Better get a towel because it’s gonna be fucking messy.

The first big thing we’ve learned in Nandor’s Army is how devastated Nandor was about losing the janitor job. So much so that the poor guy went a little mad. For over 700 years, Nandor has survived enumerable hardships and setbacks but Guillermo rejecting him is the thing that ruins him. 

Nandor only took the job at Cannon Capital to be close to Guillermo, to watch over him as he had been doing for 15 years. And that was the second thing we learned about Nandor. He perceived that he had been protecting Guillermo. “Raising him” were his exact words. And once Guillermo decided against being a vampire and separated himself from the vampire world, Nandor felt abandoned. He lost his purpose and in doing so, he lost his mind.

The confrontation between Nandor and Guillermo in the husk of the Hancock and Sons factory was the most honest they’ve ever had. Usually, it’s Guillermo who makes himself vulnerable and Nandor who pretends like he doesn’t care. That night, though, their pent up feelings came spilling out, from both sides. That night, Nandor caved but I don’t think that argument is done yet.

Because, then, in March Madness, the truth bombshell dropped. The foundation of and the motivation for the dumb, sometimes cruel shit Nandor has done is finally revealed.

Nandor knows he’s going to lose Guillermo. He is painfully aware of it. For most of their time together, Guillermo believed that all he wanted was to be a vampire. It was his dream from childhood, as Nandor heard umpteen times. But when it finally happened, in the fucked up manner which no one saw coming, Nandor was gutted by the betrayal. But still, he was willing to turn backflips to make sure Guillermo got what he wanted.

But once he did, once Guillermo chose to go back to being a human, Nandor’s future with Guillermo — or what he thought was their future — was gone.

Nandor was always careful about putting the affection he has for Guillermo on display. He kept that under wraps and rarely allowed himself to let it show. He ignored the tenderness he has for Guillermo and judging from solely from his behavior, it seemed like Nandor was just a big, selfish jerk.

But surprise, surprise, it turns out that Nandor is not so much a deeply delusional asshole as he is a secret soft-hearted sap in self-protect mode. Because Nandor knows Guillermo is human and Nandor knows that humans get hurt and eventually die. In 760 years as a vampire, this is what he knows. He tells Laszlo there’s nothing special about humans. They will leave so a vampire is a fool to get attached to them.

Oh, really? Well, sorry, Mr. Supreme Viceroy/Warlord, you’re too late. That train has already left the station. we know that’s bullshit because whenever Guillermo leaves him, Nandor is totally lost. Through the Djinn and Marwa, we know that Nandor doesn’t know what he would do without Guillermo.

You can run. You can run far because you have those awesome long legs but you can’t hide anymore, big guy. The truth is out. The die is cast.

Nandor. You’re a dead man.

[otomehoneyybearr]

Kagari Amagase

Things I can Only Do With You at Night: Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Card

When I had finally started getting used to life in Kogyoku, where I’d come for a bookstore restock trip—

Child 1: "Yaaah— Whoa!?"

Kagari: "Too much wasted movement."

Child 2: "You’re wide open— Ugh!"

Kagari: "The one with an opening is you."

Child 3: "Got you— Gah!?"

Kagari: "Your grip is too weak."

(Wow… he’s merciless.)

At a dojo in the neighboring town, Prince Kagari was giving the children a lesson in swordsmanship.

The kids charged at him all at once, swinging their bamboo swords, but Prince Kagari dodged them with ease, his expression unwavering.

He blocked an attack from behind without even looking, sweeping the child’s legs out from under them, and used his hands to grab the hilt of their sword to throw

It was almost like a game, as one after another, the children rolled across the floor.

(He's even being mindful to make sure they don't bump into each other... It's like he has eyes on the back of his head.) ●●●●●● Flashback ●●●●●●

Kagari: “Well, fancy seeing you here, princess. Out on your own?"

Kagari: "Me? I’m on my way to teach swordsmanship to the kids at the dojo."

Kagari: "……Want to come along?"

●●●●●● Flashback End ●●●●●●

(I guess it was good thing I decided to take a walk around the town.)

Despite the intense training, the children didn’t seem to lose their motivation. In fact, their determination seemed to grow stronger.

I couldn't take my eyes off Prince Kagari, admiring how his guidance drew such spirit out of them.

After the training session ended, Prince Kagari sat cross-legged next to me, his face as composed as ever.

Emma: "Great work. Would you like some water?"

Kagari: "No, I’m fine. I was just playing with kittens, after all."

(He dealt with a dozen kids at once and calls it playing… He really is amazing.)

Kagari: "You were watching pretty intently. Was the training that unusual?"

As Prince Kagari propped his chin on his hand, looking at me, I nodded in response.

Emma: "It’s my first time seeing something like that up close. In my country, it’s rare for so many children to be trained in swordsmanship."

Kagari: "Is that so? Here in Kogyoku, there are kendo dojos in every town, so there are plenty of opportunities to learn."

Kagari: "Children are taught to wield a sword and protect themselves from a young age. You could call it a compulsory skill."

(In a war-torn country like Kogyoku, it's commonplace for everyone to carry weapons, regardless of age or gender...)

The children who had been practicing earlier were now running around the dojo, laughing and playing.

(For those kids, dedicating themselves to sword training is not just about pursuing their dreams of becoming warriors,) (But also about protecting themselves and their loved ones from the dangers that threaten their lives.)

Learning this through today’s session, I felt my chest tighten as I reflected on the differences between this country and the one I grew up in.

Emma: "Do you often teach the children, Prince Kagari?"

Kagari: "I usually leave it to my subordinates, but I teach whenever I can make time."

(That makes sense. Prince Kagari is the commander of his unit and a key figure in this region’s defense. It must be hard to find time for things like this.)

I felt lucky to have seen Prince Kagari teaching the children today.

At that moment, several children came over, their eyes sparkling with curiosity.

Child 1: "Teacher, is she your girlfriend?"

Kagari: "No."

Child 2: "Aww, really? You've never brought a woman with you before, so we thought maybe—"

Child 3: "I told you! Teacher only cares about dorayaki and swords!"

Child 2: "Are you seriously planning to stay single forever, Teacher? Or are you marrying a dorayaki?"

Kagari: "Most people die alone anyway. It’s best to remember that."

Kagari: "You all seem to have a lot of energy. Want to go for another set of practice? I’d be happy to oblige."

Children: "Noooo! Teacher, you’re a demon!"

Kagari: "Before that, shouldn’t you greet our guest first?"

Children: "Hello!"

Emma: "H-hello."

Kagari: "Good. Never forget to greet others, no matter the situation."

Children: "Okay!"

(The must feel comfortable around him to speak so freely like this.)

(Still… being mistaken for Prince Kagari’s girlfriend…)

I couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed at the misunderstanding.

Child 2: "If she’s not your girlfriend, then why’d you bring her here?"

Kagari: "She seemed interested in joining the training, so I invited her."

Emma: "Was that it?"

Kagari: "Yeah.

Kagari: You’re easy to read. That’s something I’ve learned about you."

(Prince Kagari notices everything... It's kind of intimidating but also reassuring.)

Trying to hide a growing smile, I casually covered my mouth with my hand.

Child 1: "Aww, if you were his girlfriend, we could have teased you two during the festival."

Emma: "A festival? There’s a festival happening?"

(Now that they mention it… the streets have felt livelier over the past few days.)

Kagari: "You didn’t know? This town is holding a festival soon."

Kagari: "It’s not a huge one, but there will be fireworks."

Emma: "Really? I’ve never been to a festival in Kogyoku before."

Kagari: "…Is that so? This will be your first, then."

Child 1: "Hey, hey! My family runs a sweets shop, and we’re putting up a stall at the festival!"

Child 3: "The sakura manju are the best. The skin is so chewy, and they taste amazing!"

Child 1: "We’re working super hard to prepare, so Teacher, you and the lady should come check it out!"

Emma: "Sure, I’ll definitely come!"

Child 1: "Yes! One more customer secured!"

Though I agreed in the moment, I was already filled with excitement at the idea of going to the festival. My mind began to fill with images of colorful food stalls lined up in the streets.

(The owner said there would be stalls here that can’t be found in Rhodolite.)

(I hope I’ll be able to see and experience everything during my first foreign festival.)

As I let my imagination run wild like a child, I felt a steady gaze from beside me, sharp yet unreadable.

Emma: "Um… Is something wrong, Prince Kagari?"

Kagari: "No, nothing."

(He says that, but why won’t he look away?)

(Come to think of it… I wonder if Prince Kagari plans to go to the festival.)

Kagari: "…"

Kagari: "………"

Emma: "……..……"

(……This is so unsettling.)

After the children had left, I left the dojo with Prince Kagari.

As the sound of our footsteps echoed in the quiet hallway as we walked side by side, I felt his gaze constantly fixed on me.

(Maybe he wants to say something… Hmm, but I can’t figure out what it could be.)

Kagari: "Princess."

Emma: "Ah! Y-Yes? What is it?"

He suddenly leaned in closer, his sharp features coming near, and I reflexively leaned back.

Kagari: "Among all the regions in Kogyoku, my territory is relatively the safest. It even attracts a fair number of tourists."

Kagari: "Even if this festival is small in scale, it has more liveliness and entertainment than festivals in other territories."

Emma: "I see. That makes me even more excited for the day to come."

(…Why is he suddenly promoting the festival?)

Kagari: "But for someone coming from another country with no familiarity with the area, it might be hard to fully enjoy the festival."

Kagari: "So, that's why—"

(Could this be… No way…)

A different kind of anticipation stirred in my chest, making me unusually nervous.

With a composed yet serious demeanor, Prince Kagari fixed his gaze on me and—

Next

▼・ᴥ・▼

[putschki1969]

🇹🇭YKL vol.#20 ～Asia Tour 20th Special SETLIST～　【Bangkok】 Live Report🇹🇭

Wow, what a week it has been. My Thailand trip was an exciting but very exhausting experience. I'm finally back home and after spending an entire day just relaxing on Tuesday, I feel somewhat ready to tackle this live report. I'm back to work and there's a lot to do but I still want to post as much as possible before I lose all of my motivation. Still took me several days to finish this so I am sorry for the delay🙏 I'll start with some general stuff from the day of the live and then continue with a detailed report. Without further ado, let's get to it〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→

Before The Live

The concert was held on November 15th at Bangkok Union Hall. At that point I had already been in Thailand for two and a half days doing all sorts of Kalafina and touristy stuff. Needless to say, I was quite exhausted from my previous activities (more on that in a future post) but I was determined to enjoy the day to the fullest. The only major thing planned for that day was a meet-up with some fellow fans to get lunch and dinner so thankfully, nothing too strenuous. Although one could argue that social interactions like this are always a big struggle for me :P Anyway, I headed to the venue quite early in the morning to meet my friends. We were doing some last-minute shopping at a nearby mall to complete the presents for Keiko and Hikaru. Also, we wanted to check out our flower stand which had been put up earlier that morning. I was beyond happy to participate in this particular flower stand project. The HiKei chibis turned out super cute and the banner was also adorable (just look at little Moo Deng🦛). I'm a little bummed though that I didn't get to take the cardboard print home with me since the girls requested the flower stand to be brought to their dressing room after the live (initially, we had planned to take all the decorative stuff off the flower stand after the concert before the flower shop picked it up but alas, it wasn't meant to be). Oh well, we got all those sweet pics with Keiko and Hikaru so that pretty much erased any feelings of disappointment. Thankfully, I got my acrylic key-holders and stickers as a little consolation. I will certainly treasure them forever. During the meet-up with some fellow fans, I also got a bunch of presents, including some gorgeous fan-made articles for the two lives in China. Honestly, I feel so blessed to have received all of this. Thank you so much to everyone who thought of me!

Speaking of fellow fans, I appreciated everyone who came up to me to say "hi". I was also very happy about all the yummy souvenirs. The suncakes from Taiwan saved my life during the following days because I always had a lovely snack to accompany my morning coffee. Sorry if I came across as awkward or reserved to some of you, I am not used to being in big crowds like that and meeting strangers is not among my strengths. Also wish I had gotten more commemorative pics with everyone but oh well, in the heat of the moment it's easy to forget about stuff like that.

For lunch we had planned to go to a Hainanese Chicken place but unfortunately, they didn't have enough room for our group so we ended up going to KFC XD. I forgot to take pictures but our order was honestly not that exciting anyway. I was so eager to try spicy food during my stay in Bangkok but that stuff at KFC was a total let-down (probably our fault though for not looking properly at the menu - they may have had some spicier stuff that we just didn't see). Dinner that day more than made up for it though since my main dish was incredibly delicious. Don't ask me what it was called, it was some sort of fried pork concoction with garlic and chili, simply fabulous and probably one of the best things I had during that trip.

Despite having a lot of fun during these activities, I kinda regret not being able to see anything of the Loy Krathong festivities that day. The weird timing of the concert would have made it very inconvenient to check out any of the festival sites and on top of that there were some bad weather forecasts so no one wanted to risk getting wet😢 It's a real shame but oh well, I guess the live was worth it.

♪The Live♪

Seat

I was very lucky to have dedicated friends who made sure I'd get a VIP front-row seat right across from Keiko's spot on the stage [the picture below was taken at the end of the concert when I was already walking outside so it doesn't properly reflect my point of view - I was seated a little more to the right side]. She was pretty much right in front of me during the entire live so of course, I was in heaven. Taking my eyes off her was a real challenge and at times I honestly felt a little bad for the other singers because I didn't really pay that much attention to them whenever Keiko was on stage. Also, this might make me sound like a perv but I was absolutely mesmerised by Keiko's legs. During her main solo parts she would always turn to the side or turn her back to the audience. Not sure why (maybe because so the audience would focus on her singing rather than her gorgeous face? Or she was a little self-conscious? Who knows). Either way, during these parts her legs were on full display and since her skirt was quite short on one side, you could basically get a glimpse of her tiny safety shorts with every tiny move she made 🫣

One tiny complaint I had was that the stage was quite far away from the audience area and they even felt the need to put up a relatively high metal barrier which created a weird sense of distance despite being all the way up in the front. Nevertheless, the concert felt very intimate to me and I think for that reason, I enjoyed it much more than my past Yuki Kajiura live experiences. I also gained a new appreciation for certain songs that I previously didn't care for all that much. I honestly can't stress this enough, experiencing a concert like this in such an intimate manner is vastly superior to watching a DVD/BD/live stream or even attending it in a spot somewhere further away from the stage. Everything feels and sounds completely different. Your entire body is getting caught in this spectacle and you get a full-on adrenaline rush. It's during these moments when I barely notice any flaws or mishaps. I've been made fun of in the past for always writing these overly positive and raving reviews of concerts but I personally don't even notice half of the bad stuff when I am on such a high. Plus, I don't enjoy lingering on the negative stuff which is why you won't see much of that in any of my reports.

Venue

To be fair, it wasn't a particularly good concert hall, at least in my opinion. The venue was a lot smaller than expected and it felt more like a convention hall rather than a proper concert hall. There are much better venues available in Bangkok but they were probably already booked or too expensive. Also, from what I've heard, the concert tickets didn't sell that well so it was probably a good thing that they stuck with this sort of venue. At any rate, it was very conveniently located at a MRT/BTS station so yay for that. The acoustics were decent enough I guess but nothing to write home about. The sound system could have used some improvements though, I don't think the instruments and vocals were very well-balanced throughout most of the concert. But maybe that could be chalked up to my position in the audience. Just a little disclaimer here, I am not very tech-savvy in that regard but on more than one occasion I noticed that the sound was kinda off...Mind you, not to an extent that would have taken away from my overall enjoyment of the concert but enough for me to notice it several times.

Setlist:

the world: Will always prefer Keiko on main but it is what it is, Joelle on main is fine too. It's a good song so it's a treat to hear it live no matter who is leading. The harmonies at the end didn't quite work for me. Was a bit all over the place. I think the sound system was at fault here.

in the land of twilight, under the moon: Not usually one of my faves but I thoroughly enjoyed this rendition.

vanity: What a blessing to hear this live in concert again! My first time was in Taiwan and I don't think I ever recovered from it. Correct me if I am wrong though but they made a big change during the performance regarding Keiko's epic yayayay part. She flawlessly did her solo of course but then when Joelle starting to sing that final chorus, she didn't continue to sing in the background which she would usually do. I found that very unusual. Also checked the bootleg recordings from the live in China and she did the same thing there too. Huh...Since when did they change it? That was a bit of a bummer to be honest since the very final part felt less epic because of it.

My long forgotten cloistered sleep: So, so good!! Huge fan! Joelle is getting better at it too so I am enjoying her version more and more.

I swear: Wow, what a revelation! I did not expect to suddenly fall in love with this song. I am obviously a huge Keiko-stan but due to her using her cutesy voice in this, it's never really appealed to me. It's always been one of those songs that I preferred to skip during re-watches of home video releases because it didn't really do anything for me. This time though, it felt like Keiko was serenading me specifically (a delusion on my part of course but let me have that little fangirl moment XD). Anyway, this is what I meant earlier. All of a sudden, a song has a new meaning to you and it's only because you get to experience it on such a personal level. The lyrics couldn't be more appropriate: "♪I know, I’m in love♪"

fiction: Not my cup of tea so I tend to skip this but Joelle in particular always does a great job with this song. Her voice is a perfect fit. Definitely my favourite performance so far because I was more into it than usual.

I reach for the sun: Love, love, love.

in the garden of sinners: Damn it, this one hurt so much, I literally almost cried. I don't even really know why but I could barely handle it. All I wanted to hear was Wakana together with Keiko and honestly, it was her voice in my mind, Joelle didn't exist for me in those moments. No matter what happens, I will always associate these melodies with Wakana and Keiko. On one hand, this performance made me incredibly sad but on the other hand, it made me feel even more grateful about the upcoming Kalafina Anniversary Live. Just the thought of hearing the three of them together again is bringing tears to my eyes.

ARIA: What a shame. I knew what to expect of course but it still hurt to hear Joelle sing the chorus. Unlike others, I didn't think that Hikaru sounded all that bad so she could have definitely handled the chorus (especially being backed by Keiko). She might not have sounded her best but who cares?! This is HER song so she should be in the lead. Period. I remember someone saying that Yuki wanted to go back to the original key (more of a speculation, as far as I know, it's not actually confirmed) so she gave the chorus to Joelle but Joelle was kinda struggling with it too so ultimately, we didn't really gain anything from having her in the lead. On a side note, I am just so relieved that Keiko and Joelle didn't do the infamous arm gesture that Wakana and Keiko used to do all the time. All of this sounds rather negative but to be honest, I still liked the performance despite being a little disappointed with the vocal arrangement. it's one of my all-time favourite Kala-songs so it's always a pleasure to hear it.

Magia: By now I am used to the FictionJunction cover version of this and it's really quite good. Solid performance. No notes.

Kimi no Gin no Niwa: Again, good stuff but since I don't particularly like the song it was just okay to me.

ring your bell: Ugghhh, probably my least favourite performance of the night. It's such a difficult song to perform and I honestly don't even like most of Kalafina's live versions but this one was hard to get through. Maybe the sound system was to blame a bit because LINO LEIA's microphone did some weird stuff that made her singing sound worse than it probably was. Plus, I honestly don't think she is a very good fit for the song. Hell, not even Wakana is a good fit for the song 90% of the time. For some reason, LINO LEIA kept using her more generic singing voice when instead, she should've opted for a more controlled head voice. Towards the end we heard a more solid delivery but the rest was unfortunately a bit messy.

to the beginning: Okay I guess. It's certainly one of the better Kalafina covers they do at YKL because Joelle and Yuriko add a lot of dimension. And since I have never been a fan of the song to begin with, it's not like I am missing Wakana too much.

Yasashii Yoake: The See-Saw section of the live was so much more fun than I had expected. Actually really surprised how much I enjoyed it since I am not too familiar with Yuki's old work and don't usually listen to any of it. Also, with Keiko not playing a big role in this corner, I thought I wouldn't be into it. But I guess the songs are just really good with catchy melodies so I couldn't help but like them. Also, my proximity to the stage once again helped me to have a bit more appreciation for the music. All three songs were featured at Kaji Fes. but I don't recall them leaving a huge impression on me. Back then I didn't mind them but I didn't get too excited. This time, I was having a great time from the get-go. Love the Joelle/Yuriko duo here. Joelle's voice works super well for this type of song.

Obsession: I remember not being particularly impressed by the Kaji Fes. performance but the Bangkok version was so cool. LINO LEIA and Keiko did a great job. So cool!! After that rather mediocre "ring your bell" performance, it was nice to hear LINO LEIA sing in a more comfortable range.

Senya Ichiya: Starting to love rito's vocals more and more. She's so criminally underused during these lives. Despite being promoted to "regular" singer, she really doesn't get to do much.

the main theme of “L.O.R.D”: One of my all-time faves. Joelle's best song if you ask me. Will never get tired of hearing it. Although I feel like at this point Joelle had already run out of steam a little because the performance didn't quite hit the spot in terms of oomph-factor. I think it's because Joelle had to carry 90% of the show and was thus running on low-heat towards the end. Still had a blast!

absolute configuration: Love having all the girls on stage for these sort of epic battle songs. Gorgeous harmonies.

luminous sword: Same as above. Perfect transition and a lovely continuation of the epicness.

蒼穹のファンファーレ: Typically not one of my favourite songs but yet again, I found myself enjoying it more than I usually would. The heat on stage was contagious so I simply got swept away in the excitement.

En. the image theme of Xenosaga II: Don't remember much of this but it was nice.

En.nowhere: Wow, wow, wow! What an amazing performance. So much more energised than during the Kaji Fes concert. Definitely one of the songs where I very much appreciated my closeness to the stage. I could really feel the heat and had such a blast, especially when Keiko began to really interact with the audience. Almost made me want to stand up but in the end, I remained seated (really not the type to move a lot during a concert). I have to agree with everyone who has already shared their thoughts on the other Asia live performances, this was definitely one of the highlights for Hikaru as far as her vocal delivery was concerned. Her voice was very powerful here.

En.into the world: I love that this has become almost a staple of YKL. It's such a gorgeous song with a beautiful message and I think Joelle as well as Yuriko manage to improve the overall harmonies with their added vocals.

[ask-codeearasure]

STOP LEAVING THIS SHIT IN THE TAGS I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD DUDE

This is the kind of shit that wakes me up from the afternoon sluggishness, the mindset of "fuck everyone I'm not going to work today and everything is shit".

Jesus Christ I'm gonna get you one day. I will make myself an idiot sandwich when I do. I will make you understand the brainrot you curse me with, the dull sense of fascination I feel about these faggots, stages and headcanons and all.

It has become a great point of borderline-obsession for me to imagine Stage 1 and Stage 2's complicated dynamics with Color before they finally both understand he's got no ulterior motives. Then they turn against each other full-force because Stage 1 is a wuss with attachment issues.

I think it would be funny if Stage 2 is the Stage that starts trusting Color first, no apprehensive questions asked, and then Stage 1 starts having a fucking conniption over it, like they don't understand what the fuck #2 is doing or why so they automatically assume the worst when really #2 is just happy to finally have a guy that doesn't treat him like the odd one out or try to alienate him over premeditated assumptions.

#1 recognizing Color is safe and trustworthy is the equivalent to strangling themself to not fuck up the one good thing they have going for them while #2 would appear to just accept it, like a simple "okay" while he's constantly making calculations about the what-ifs anyway. They're both paranoid, but #2 picked up the habit of scheming so he always has a semblance of a plan if anything goes wrong while #1 constantly obsesses over the potential of everything going to shit, not so much how they'd react aside from breaking down, running away, and maybe finding a way to finally die.

Color gives #2 basic fucking respect then goes beyond that as they keep interacting and #2 finds he likes that a lot actually, only for #1 to try and sabotage their relationship through their paranoid bullshit.

And like, I'm not saying #1 has no reason to be this way, they do, it's all just popping up at the wrong time where these behaviors and habits aren't necessary anymore.

#2 is bound to get pissed at #1 openly at some point. He just wants to be around his pookie and chill, no bloodshed needed, and the constant hot-and-cold, yes-and-no, will they-won't they, push-and-pull attitude #1 resorts to makes him realize that maybe, just maybe, he's gonna have to invest in a notebook to start communicating with this bitch thoroughly. Cause his main man, his one trusted guy being pushed away is not doing them any favors and he wouldn't know what to do if Color had enough at some point and just left like #1 seems to want.

So they have this back-and-forth for several months while Stage 3 is the one actually chilling. It gives no fucks about the other two imbeciles, it's enjoying every minute it spends with Color, but may or may not scream when #1 or #2 try to switch in.

...imagine what a blend of #2 and #3 would act like. I think they'd be extremely clingy to Color, maybe hug him with their entire body and stay like that even as he's moving around doing his own thing, but retains the #2 behaviors of studying everything that piques their interest and not responding to much emotional stimuli, and all while they're heavily dissociating. Once separate, neither of them remember where they got that information but just accept it.

ANYWAYS I hate these fucking people, I should stick them in the pear wiggler and lock the door behind them.

#2 I believe, while he's trying to do better through his bond with Color, still has manipulative habits compulsively. He knows he has an issue with that but the problem is he doesn't recognize the hows and why's. But #1 does and reacts the completely wrong way in getting anyone to notice the signs. They are set in fucking over #2 when what #2 actually needs is a clear reference in how he can change these behaviors.

He really does value Color, all of them do, but he feels like at this point in time he's the only one actually being productive about it and that's gonna be another reason why he's so infuriated with #1.

He's trying to get better for his own sake, taking notes and observing Color's needs as well so he can stick by him more effectively. If only #1 stopped destroying those notes under the pretense #2 still thinks of Color as a jumbo-sized lab rat and not the most reliable ride-or-die in existence.

I am waiting for the time #2 finally snaps openly and Color receives a rant about #1 being a bitch while he's stuck in sleep paralysis. That would be one hell of a way to find out yo boy's got suppressed issues he's struggling to sort out himself.

-- Sarco

the way stage 1 handles the other stages and advises others to the same is just both hilarious and sad

“Yeah no don’t trust me when im like that. im sure being told that everything i do or attempt to express is just me manipulating and lying won’t have consequences”

“oh yeah just kill me when im like that. what? I tried to defend myself against being murdered and killed when I was like that? gee golly im just so insane and crazy and violence is all I know you simply must kill me”

“what? hiding this part of myself and trying to suppress and resist it and pretend it doesn’t exist has consequences in that it will only make itself more know the more I resist?..I need to hide all evidence of its existence even more! In fact you should kill me before i ever become like that!”

like is it any wonder you feel so threatened in other stages when you actively turn others against you and encourage them to dehumanize and demonize you, thinking you’re doing anyone any good

[justinepush]

i love her...

[manitapaleta]

the Li-Wilson family is the cutest, change my mind

(you cant)

[la-galaxie-langblr]

what is going on w my brain

[thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! <3

To be honest, I don't know. The stories I'm reading and those I have read have a quite consistent audience that writes many (and even quite a lot of detailed) comments while these stories are being updated. But I usually read in other fandoms, so I can't tell if the demographic of these fandoms is generally more supportive of their writers or if these writers just know how to engage their audience. However, when I look at the stats of a couple of stories in the YOI fandom that started around the same time as CYHMH (summer 2022), I'm not so sure that it's just fandom demographics. Back then, there was one new story that had 10 chapters out with like 200 comments and I even saw one that had only 2 chapters out but already 300 comments. So, even back then and a long time before the movie cancellation, it was pretty much still possible to excite readers (For the record: I didn't look around for too long to protect my mental health, so the data I have to base my impression on is very incomplete.) Now that I know that many fans are very vocal about wanting more canon content, including some in-between-the-episodes stuff which CYHMH has in abundance, I'm genuinely puzzled. Having heard about the success of other novelisations and sequels, I doubt that's just about original content.

Interestingly, the movie cancellation didn't impact my stats at all. At that time I had a long-wished for uptick in engagement (supposedly due to the fact that I had resumed posting the improved & beta'ed version, but I'm not sure of that) and that uptick held on until about two months after the cancellation. It made me hopeful that I had finally found a steady audience. Interestingly, shortly after the eros-off ice chapter [about 2 months after the cancellation], comments and hits/chapter dropped massively and basically back to the low level they had been at in 2022.

The story has 477 comments (I'm counting the threads, not the total number), which is about 10 comments/chapter on average. From the outside that looks really good. However, a lot of that is from either readers who discovered the story later and made an effort to comment each chapter plus the success it had during the first half of this year. And don't get me wrong, I'm so happy every time a reader takes their time to comment on chapters that had been posted long ago because many readers seem to think that writers don't care getting feedback for these although most of us crave that. In many cases that finally got me the kind of feedback that I would have desperately needed to keep going in 2022, and if I had gotten that back then, the long break wouldn't have happened. Because no matter how much I appreciate these later readers (they're 3 in total, including you and I love every one of you <3), I also need some support and engagement when I post these chapters to keep staying motivated and not being on the verge of quitting writing again because just sharing them had made me feel so miserable.

Right now, there's still some engagement left. But knowing my experience with writing a series for my last fandom (before AO3), engagement drops with every instalment. So if, at this point, there is already so little excitement for my take on the ending of the show and my take on a continuation, I just know from past experiences that it will go down even further for the sequel. And for me, that really begs the question of whether I want to expose myself to another bout of losing my joy for writing and contemplating quitting it because I've already been there often enough.

At this point, I'm just at a loss about what to do. I feel like I did already everything that I could and it's still nowhere near enough: I did tons of research for this story, especially regarding Japanese culture and figure skating. I conducted a meticulous canon analysis to ensure that the characters are in-character and that everything that I add is a logical extension of canon to make sure that this story "feels" like YOI. I worked with a beta-reader because English is not my first language and in those chapters I've posted in 2022 it really showed. I respond to every comment and thank the commenter. And I post previews with little success, at least here on tumblr (not sure what the people on twitter do with them). There's hardly anything I could still try and it's not working.

Okay, I need to get this out of my system.

I have planned to post the sequel to my YOI novelisation in exactly a month from now. My beta said that the sequel feels like an actual continuation of YOI and a friend is even drawing a cover picture, which is just so amazing. But the more I think about it, the more it seems like I'm bound to regret releasing this story a couple of weeks later.

I won't lie. CYHMH had the total opposite of a dream start. I even paused the story for an entire year to get a beta reader because I failed to keep my audience interested and concluded that it was obviously bad. Or maybe it only did so poorly because it can't compete with other novelisations. I don't know and I don't want to know because if I learned the truth, I would probably shoot myself.

The story has 600+ kudos, but that's not reflected in the hits/chapter at all despite all the improvements I've made. The number of hits/chapter which had skyrocketed for a brief time span earlier this year (aka after I resumed posting the improved version) has decreased by 75% since June and hasn't recovered since. Often, I lose bookmarks and subscriptions within hours after posting a new chapter, which couldn't be a more obvious feedback.

I see this loss in interest also reflected in my chapter announcements and previews (not they had ever been great to begin with). Often, I'm the only person reblogging them because rarely anyone else does. On the other hand, my post that I would postpone the latest chapter due to the US elections was so popular and the contrast to the reactions when I finally posted that chapter was so huge that I wonder if people just want me to shut up and stop posting. To be honest, not posting would save me a lot of time and spoons because, let's be frank: writing for a mostly silent audience is just not it. (I have a little bit more engagement on other socials, but the downwards trend is the same there.)

There are only three chapters of CYHMH left to post. The story is at its climax and seeing the lack of interest and enthusiasm so close to the end is just so fucking disheartening after putting so much work into this story which I call my love letter to YOI. Maybe I don't write the kind of stories that inspire the majority of its readers to gush about it, but a part of me had been hoping for at least some people to be thrilled that the chapter was finally out. Or to be at least excited about the sequel. And I can't decide whether my writing just sucks that much to most people, if you're just silent because you only talk about my stories in some exclusionist fic club, or whether a sequel is just not wanted or needed due to the fandom being already saturated with that kind of story.

Would you guys prefer that I stop posting? If you really want to read my YOI sequel or just anything for that matter, I beg you to tell me and to support me.

[orcelito]

Appointment went fine. Got everything sorted out & got confirmation that I should be able to graduate in the spring.

I also officially applied to graduate.

Got so overwhelmed by this & my grief over the fact that my dad won't be there for it that I ended up crying in the bathroom over it. 👍 but it's a good thing overall. Just. You Know.

[anistarrose]

inverted murder mystery: "who the fuck killed my archnemesis? i need to thank them personally"

[staticvoidzz]

Ok, uhh here’s a small deep dive into a silly headcanons and I’ll spilt it to make it more organized

HAZEL

Hazel, from the beginning has been shown to have a huge admiration for her older brother, Antony. It’s her driving motivation as a character in the first few episodes. Not to mention she sounded rather blue when she mentioned that she moved ACROSS THE COUNTRY from Antony and he can’t really visit since he’s a college student. Hazel, from the start loved her older brother, when she ever got upset about being alone in a completely new area, she keeps on telling herself that Antony visiting her will make it all worth it. Then Antony couldn’t visit do to a massive storm and he’s not able to catch up until the holiday break, which was months from now, this obviously makes Hazel very upset and she tries to hide it by being “mature”, Hazel immediately decided to run away to visit Antony herself, because she feels seen by her brothers presence, she feels comfortable and confident with him.

And yes, her parents also keep her company, they also unintentionally ignore her wants and needs to the point where Hazel sees Antony as her “parental figure” Hazels need to see Antony got so strong, it triggered Cosmo and Wanda’s powers, fairies who were in retirement at the moment, Hazel wish turned her into a literal fly and she just flies away, not even knowing where the airport is. Cosmo and Wanda chased her and tried to convince her that they could help her, but it wasn’t until Hazel was about to die in a gifted Venus fly trap, she had a conversation with a ant, who spend lots of time away from her ant colony, after that, Hazel was convinced that Her brother can do things on her own, as she can to. Hazel then becomes a human and a Godchild to Cosmo and Wanda, and she decides to take a day one step at a time….but stuff like this just doesn’t disappear, does it? Hazels made a new friend, Jasmine,

One day, Hazel suggested to Jasmine that they watch scary movies, because that’s what her and Antony did, But when Jasmines resented the idea, due to her dislike of horror, Hazel made the wish to make her fearless, which actually got her fears out and they are now there own beings, So, now Hazel has to right her wrong by making Jasmine face her own fears. Then, Jasmine got possessed by the consumption of fear, and it taunted Hazel, pointing out the obvious “manipulation” and the way “Hazel used Jasmine for her own needs.” Digging into her fears, which is “Afraid of Starting something New, so you try to repeat the past.” Hazel, was finally to face her own fear with support and she recognized her mistakes, and suggested they do something else they would both find fun. Eventually, Winn, The cool skateboarder kid, Joined in on Hazels and Jasmines friendship, becoming a friendship trio.

Some, time later, They all decided to take a quiz and when they scored a zero, Hazel went into a spiral and just assumed that Winn and Jasmine don’t know her well enough and secretly hate her, so Into her mind we go! It was all good,until she got into her embarrassing secrets, she tried to hide it, but that caused her to let her mind worm loose, which fed off her negative thoughts. Her deepest conflict is that her friends aren’t actually her friends and that they don’t care about her, it’s not until Hazel remembered what her mom said about not letting negativity control her, she’s eventually able to control it and get back with her friends. In a similar situation,

Hazel went into crisis about which class she should sign up for, Band or Orchestra. Since Winn and Jasmine are on both sides and that they are enemies, so Basically if Hazel decides one thing, she’s silently saying “I don’t like you and I prefer this.” And Hazel obviously doesn’t want that, so she gets musical talent and a clone of herself to make Jasmine and Winn happy, but it’s no use, they still fight and Hazel accidentally took away music, which is bad—because they can’t perform. So, Hazel decided to come up with a plan with the help from the help of the Nmusic Fairy, in which music was temporarily restored in order for Hazel to prove that she can get the band and orchestra kids together as one,

and she succeed as being their conductor of sorts, after the show, backstage, Hazel asked her parents if they sent the video to Antony (because he was going to see it via video) But Antony already showed up and watch the show live, he appears with roses and happy to see Hazel. Hazel was estatic, immediately jumping onto his arms and on the verge of tears, she was so happy to see her brother after so long. She even used to rule free wish so that her friends (family included) will remember fairies.

Hazels inner conflict are letting something go and the fear of losing something she care. She doesn’t want to lose anything again, but she has a good support system with Her mother, Cosmo and Wanda, Antony and Herself. She’s able to maturely handle the situation after she messed things up, because of that support system.

(Ok I was going to add Dev, but I’ve been typing for over an hour straight And my fingers are starting to hurt. I have a lot to say about Dev as a character regarding this head canon, but I hope for now, this’ll do. I’m still pretty new to analyzing, so I hope I did a good job :3)

Another HeadCanon (That’s Kinda a Projection but Shh)

Both Dev and Hazel have attachment issues, I’ll probably go on a deeper dive if I feel like it

[firestorm09890]

weird take maybe considering how hard some of the later floor themes go but I wish they'd kept the motifs of the lobby theme/battles 1-3 consistent throughout every floor instead of just the Asiyah floors + Keter. I know the composers are capable of it! Look at what they did for those 5 floors (it's done 6 times, since the enemies have a version of it as well): Keter is strings and piano, Malkuth is jazzy and upbeat piano, Yesod is atmospheric/electronic, Hod is pretty similar to Keter but more lowkey piano, and Netzach is... also atmospheric but very distinct from Yesod (I dumped all my music knowledge into classical sorry, idk how to describe it other than that). It's not like they would've run out of musical genres to do 5 more. Tiphereth is sort of twinkly and dramatic + in 3/4 instead of 4/4, Chesed is somber strings, Gebura is heavy metal, Binah is epic orchestral with compound meter, and Hokma has a Mass (music compositional term) feel, with instruments like bells, organs, harpsichords, and choir. that's all different enough that they could've done it. I have the bare minimum knowledge of arranging music that I could probably attempt to do it myself... hm...

[satorisoup]

UWAHHH good morning friends & happy sunday !!ヾ(>∀<*) i’m wishing all of you the bestest day EVA & please remember to stay hydrated in this hot weather !! MWUUUAH !! <3 🍓

[plantenjoyer]

I SWEAR I KEEP TRYING TO DO ART BUT THEN SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY AND THEN I PROCRASTINATE AND THEN SIX MONTHS PASS

[nylloth]

@tloczek

I'm afraid Viktor's whole story won't fit in comment. First off he was never the “time traveling wizard” who gave Jayce the stone. The time loop is the worst trope that leads him to “Only Jayce can change my mind”. not a consequence of his decisions (s1 Sky death changed his mind without Jayce!), not a result of his work, not something logical, but only Jayce. It's silly

Secondly his “cultists” were not puppets of the void, Viktor believed in choice! He only helped those who asked for his help. He gave them new arms and legs, but he didn't force them or render them unconscious. They believed in him, that's why it's a cult. They had personalities. Viktor doesn't have a disability in LoL, his choice of evolutions isn't forced by illness. I'm fine with adding a disability, but it should never be the sole reason for his belief in evolution. Jayce is emphasizing Viktor's disability in his final sentence, again! Evolution is NOT about that.

Jayce changes Viktor's mind in 5 minutes, the original Viktor is always true to his views as they are not born out of resentment or lack of self-confidence. “Hasty” is putting it mildly. Keep in mind that Viktor made the decision to kill his humanity (Sky), for the sake of this evolution. It should have been a dramatic and sad process. So why wasn't it? Because he already gets his humanity back in the next episode because of Jayce's words. This nullifies killing Sky and makes this move extremely tasteless.

LoL MH has motivation and belief in what he is doing. These are feelings stronger than resentment or disappointment. Jayce killed Viktor and he became disillusioned with humanity (and Jayce???) and so chose evolution. Viktor had no convictions, he's like a guided kitten who got trapped because Jayce resurrected him.

Gradually changing your own body because you believe it, and unwanted resurrection from the dead are not the same thing.

I said it after the first act, he's a hostage to circumstance. Everything's been decided for him. The murder, the resurrection, the second murder without any discussion. Only at the end he makes his own decision, only to abandon it 10 minutes later. This is bad for any character, not just Viktor. The character doesn't stick to his views.

Viktor's evolution never destroyed nature, but if you take that element out of Jayce's story (the apocalypse) then all their interactions immediately lose meaning. And of course Viktor can't talk about “loneliness”, because Viktor is not alone with his supporters. (which are not empty)

LoL Jayce are not opposed to hextech. He thinks it should be controlled and that's why he and Viktor had a conflict. They used different methods and that's why their quarrels seemed more logical. Arcane Jayce hates everything to do with it.

The time loop creates a bunch of gaps, like in au where Ekko got to, where hextech wasn't invented and Viktor can't be a mage there.

Viktor also has a robot son, Blitz. He is not mentioned in Arcane and since Viktor dissolved in time (don't know what happened to them), he will never be. Jayce's influence literally predetermines Viktor's entire fate (death-resurrection-death), but they kind of make it look like Viktor is looping his own suffering fate with a time loop (the stone). That seems like a bad plot move to me. All Viktor's roads lead to Jayce, and believe me, that never happened in the original lore. Yes, they were adversaries, but Viktor had a robot son, ties to Renata, other henchmen, etc… It wasn't just “me and my friendship with Jayce, the only person who can change my mind”.

It's as if the characters can't exist outside of this cycle, making them appendages. While the original Viktor lore still exists, I suggest you read it, there are some nice stories in there and this man is much more like the Viktor from season one than Viktor we see in season two. He has motivation, motives, determination and a separate personality. I'd say Viktor s1 was a pretty good backstory for Viktor LoL if they didn't kill him off in season 2 with the first episode. Knowing the original lore and comparing it to what we got, there is a bad flavor. I know ppl like Jayce/Viktor connection, for parallels, but given the pacing of the story and the crappy “time loop” branch, it sucks. Though even if it had been given more time it wouldn't have worked. For the reasons I described above.

“Viktor and Jayce got the best ending ever” if you knew Viktor's original lore and appreciated him as a separate character and not an appendage to Jayce, you would never say that.

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! <333