#finally gave in on the converse
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Happy Pride!
Just a couple of bisexuals in a bisexual relationship
Val's shirt | shoes | glasses + hat + Mitch's shirt (for V) + trees | poses
Pride means a lot to me. As a bisexual, female-presenting individual married to a cis, straight man, my queerness is often overlooked. A friend recently asked what characteristics of mine that I gave Val, and gender/sexuality are a big part of that. Streetkid Val is THE GENDER as my friend Bunny would (will) say, and so is Corpo Val, to be honest.
I've always had a complicated relationship with gender. I hated dresses and clothes shopping; loved sports and GI Joe and He-Man. I kinda liked Barbie though, but mostly for storytelling, not dress up. I never hated being a girl; I was just... different. I'm still different. I never developed a habit for makeup. I stopped shaving ages ago. Sometimes I embrace my femme side and wear florals and show off my curves (and hairy legs); sometimes it's the opposite. It depends on the day. Some days I have no gender and plan an amorphous blob wearing sweats and a hoodie if I have to leave the house.
Despite this, I always held claim to the word "woman". I'd fought to make a space for myself, someone who defied the physical gender expectations, and didn't want to give that up. But now, after playing with both versions of Val and getting to express myself through her, I know I'm not just a woman, but more. And more.
When I started my job last year, I made the big step of adding "she/they" as my pronouns. One of the managers asked if I had a preference between the two, and I said that either was fine. Usually people default to "she", and I don't mind because of the reasons I mentioned previously.
More than anything, "they" is a flag shouting my queerness; that I'm a woman and. Especially now, as other people try to gatekeep womanhood; to decide who can call themselves a woman. Anyone who wants to join me in this misogynistic hellscape, I am glad to call you a sister. There is room for women of all shapes and sizes and bodies and
#cyberpunk 2077#cyberpunk 2077 photomode#cyberpunk photomode#videogame photography#cyberpride23#happy pride!#mitch anderson#valerie vermilion#mitch x v#mitch x fem v#cyberpunk mitch#finally gave in on the converse#they're too cute#generally don't like using real life items in game#but will give exceptions for things that existed pre-80s#hence the mustang being okay 😏#also who did i promise pics of mitch in the dad shoes and failed to deliver i'm so sorry here they are#forgive me pls#there's a squirrel running my brain#bisexual#gender#so much gender lol#thanks for reading if you made it all the way#and thanks bunny#this got personal#mitch x val
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You ever think about how neither of them got to say goodbye?
#TSAMS#Sun and Moon Show#The Sun and Moon Show#TSAMS Lunar#SAMS Lunar#Sun#SAMS Sun#FNAF Sun#FNAF#Five Nights At Freddy's#MeaganCanDraw#I love New Moon a lot don't get me wrong but Old Moon's and Sun's relationship wasn't black and white (as much as NM wants to insist it was#YES Old Moon treated Sun horribly YES he wasn't the best person but#their relationship was also complicated and messy and they both genuinely loved each other despite everything#So much of what they did was for each other and that adds even more to the tragedy of their relationship and Moon's death#Sun and Old Moon's final conversation was them fighting#Moon's final in-person words to him were “I love you and I'm sorry”#to which Sun didn't say anything bc he was mad at him (which I don't blame him for given everything that happened in that episode)#Do you think Sun has realized this? How often does he go back to that moment#How often has he imagined himself saying or doing something different? Something that would've resulted in them leaving that bunker togethe#Meanwhile Lunar lost the person who gave him a new life and a family that actually cares about him#And he was in Moon's head for months and saw first hand how much his regrets and trauma affected him#Both of which would eventually destroy him due to the cycle of self-loathing he was trapped in#How much does HE think about that?#Anyway sorry for not posting for nearly (checks watch) two years??#It'll likely happen again#1k
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Pac: Take care of Ramon, take care of Richas, ok? See you on the other side, big boy.
Fit: [Laughs] Take it easy, big boy. Take it easy, big boy. Actually, nononono– You can't just say "big boy" and then just expect me to not drag you outta here. [Fit tries to lasso Pac] You're coming with me.
Pac: No, I need to leave!
Fit: You're coming with me. You are not dying today! You are not dying today!
Pac: I need to leave, Fit! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Ironmouse: Are you guys like, having sexy time?
Fit: There's homosexual activity going on Mouse, don't worry about us, ok?
Ironmouse: You guys, we don't have time to be gay right now.
[ Full Transcript ↓ ]
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Pac: I'm just here to say goodbye to you, Fit.
Fit: Goodbye? We're not– we're gonna be fine, we're going to get out of here, don't worry.
Aypierre: Yeah, don't worry!
Pac: I know, but like– I will sleep until the end, you know? I will pass through this moment sleeping, man. I won't be able to be awake for the moment.
Fit: [Laughs] You know, it's– I mean, if that's how you wanna go, but– I mean, that- I mean, isn't that bed kind of like.... I don't know, it's–
Pac: No no, I will be staying on the sofa, you know, I will be staying on the sofa.
Fit: Oh the sofa. Ok, that's a nice sofa! Yeah, that is a pretty nice sofa.
Pac: Yeah, it's a nice sofa right? No, yeah– I'm going to stay on the sofa, you know? So, since I will be going Fit... [Pac starts tossing Fit all his items]
Aypierre: [Not paying attention to their conversation] Is that bigger cell? I don't think it's a bigger- biggest one.
Fit: Oh... Thank you Pac, thank you.
Pac: Everything you need to survive, ok?
Fit: Wow.
Aypierre: Wow.
Pac: And if you need this one also, maybe, who knows? [Throws him more items]
Fit: Ohhh, well hey– just take this to remember me by, ok? [Tosses him a photo of himself – the same one Aypierre was carrying all day yesterday]
Pac: [Laughs] Ok, I will sleep holding the picture you know, like this. You know, I will dream about you, Fit. And I hope this is gonna be good dreams. I see you in the other side. Good luck, my friend.
Fit: The other side... Yeah, you know, yeah, we– we– you know? It's been an honor, Pac. It's been an honor, you know?
Pac: Yeah, for me too, you know? Take care of Ramon, take care of Richas, ok?
Fit: Ok.
Pac: See you on the other side, big boy.
Fit: I will sing your praise– Oh yeah, hey– [Laughs] Take it easy, big boy. Take it easy, big boy. Actually, nononono– You can't just say "big boy" and then just expect me to not drag you outta here. You're coming with me.
Pac: No, I need to leave!
Fit: You're coming with me. You are not dying today! You are not dying today!
Pac: I need to leave, Fit! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Fit: Sorry, there's–
Pac: I'm sorry!
Ironmouse: Are you guys like, having sexy time?
Fit: There's homosexual activity going on Mouse, don't worry about us, ok?
Ironmouse: You guys, you guys– we don't have time to be gay right now, come on. There's no time.
Pac: No, there's no time! Oh, goodbye Fit...
Fit: Ok, c'mon, no no no, come on, we got this we got this!
Pac: Goodbye Fit, I'm sorry!
Fit: [Laughs] Oh no...
#Pactw#FitMC#Hideduo#FitPac#QSMP#QSMP Prison#January 22 2024#So canonically how do you guys view this moment?#Did Pac just canonically conk out from stress?#Did he take sleeping pills on purpose to sleep through whatever awful thing was inevitably going to happen?#Curious to hear what other people think#I like to imagine the stress finally got to him#He spent the entire time trying to mirror things he saw Cell doing#and finally cried about it to Bagi#I can't blame him if he wants to sleep through the rest of it. Man's living in a place that's actively making him relive past trauma#Fit says he's carrying Pac in his backpack but I like to imagine that he just gave Pac a piggy back ride the entire way home :D#I imagined that for Purgatory too#it's cute#idk the whole idea of very traumatized characters being so comfortable around certain people#Idk the idea Pac feeling so safe around Fit#(despite being in a place that is actively stressing him out)#that he feels alright falling asleep and trusting him / Mike to protect him is sweet to me#Idk man I'm a big fan of the ''literal sleeping together'' trope#I love when characters take naps together it's so cute#esp when it's two traumatized characters with a lot of baggage / trust issues#It's nice#anyways I got way off topic with these tags LMAO sorry#I was gonna edit this down but I like the entire conversation so I'm leaving it as is#The YouTube editor living in my brain: Not great for viewer retension#Me: Shhhhhhhh I'm an Archivist. I can do whatever I want.
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i was talking to my wife about maybe possibly spinning a 'rook has two hands' kind of scenario with the Basement Twink and she was like 'oh you're so predictable' and i was like 'what do you mean' and she was like 'romancing a crow and a warden with a necromancer???' and i was like 'oh', so that's where i'm at with rewriting the game in my head,
#the game have me one (1) crumb of conflict between them and gave me romance scenes one after the other#immediately followed up by the 'worst job ever' conversation#and my brainworms are STARVED#besides. Rionn grew up in the basement#he's finally free#he can have a bit of a ho phase#the way the two ot3 dynamics are diametrically opposed are really funny though#the original warden x crow x necromancer trio cannot be more different#i'm not done with the game yet and i don't know if i'll ever play it again so i shall be minmaxing it while i'm in there thank you#dav#dav spoilers#Rionn Ingellvar#Davrin#Lucanis
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look, you can argue that in season 1 they both had a plan, but let's be real here—they both SUCKED. then again, at least one would have worked and it's not aziraphale's.
crowley looked at that gigantic, inevitable mess and went "no child = no apocalypse, gotta kill him unfortunately". would have worked.
meanwhile aziraphale did the equivalent of staring at a burning building and then going "let me call my boss" instead of the fucking fire brigade.
they're both so smart but trauma makes you stupid sometimes.
#alex talks good omens#good omens#ineffable husbands#crowley#aziraphale#good omens season 2#go2#aziracrow#crowley x aziraphale#ineffable divorce#the final fifteen#at some point i really need to examine the bandstand conversation about killing the antichrist#with the job flashback in mind#because aziraphale and his 'no blood on their hands' was already—excuse my language—fucking stupid and false#but after JOB??? girl god was gonna nuke a family to win a bet#having hell do the dirty work doesn't change that they gave the command
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These fanon Tim Drake takes/fanfictions that paint him as the ultimate victim during the Morrrison era were always annoying, but if you're looking for a character to write fix it fanfictions about because they got abandoned by their family when they went through a lot of losses and lost themselves in the process, ran away from everything and only had the batfamily try to bring them back home ages after they had already run away and only after first blaming the kid and then not prioritizing bringing that kid back, then Damian from 2018 to 2020 is right there?
Where are my 1000+ fanfictions about that?
#damian wayne#seriously#nobody in the batfamily gave a fuck when Damian stopped living with Bruce to be with his Teen Titans team#Damian losing Dick then Jon and then Alfred got retconned in as his reasons to turn dark only at the end of the book#when DC finally realized that maybe turning Damian into their next big bad/baby Hitler is freaking stupid#after city of bane they tried to blame Alfred's death on Damian even though he had just been following orders#Alfred had also been absolutely not been helpful during their last conversation cob and compared him to Ra's#All these things people project onto Tim for some reason actually happened to Damian and I don't see tons of fanfictions about that#on top of that the only character that ever apologized for letting him down was Bruce but in ways that pretty much still blamed Damian#I'm sorry you felt the need to save Alfred alone#you asshole ordered him to become a hostage and told him Alfred had gotten away. Damian didn't try to save Alfred alone.#I never blamed you for Alfred's death. Yes you did you refused to comfort him when he ran away crying from the wake#and a hallucination of Alfred confirmed you held him failing to stop Bane from killing Alfred against him#like what the hell#all the mistreatment people think Tim went through happened to Damian yet nobody cares
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THE TERROR (2018) S01E03 "The Ladder"
There'll be nothing. You hear? Nothing lives there. Nothing grows. You'll eat your shoes again. You'll eat worse.
#the terror#theterroredit#the terror amc#amc the terror#tvedit#tvgifs#sir john franklin#francis crozier#silna the terror#lady silence#cornelius hickey#james fitzjames#henry goodsir#william gibson#fitzier#mine#gif:terror#im giffing these while watching this show only for the second time and theres so much stuff i forgot/noticing only now#i really loved the moment where francis and sir john have that talk in this ep (about sending a rescue party)#and james was listening behind the door. possibly hearing all the arguments francis made that were very reasonable#so he might have finally more understand him despite saying nothing after that conversation. with either francis or sir john#and then francis returned to his ship with the plan of leading the rescue party himself. telling blanky that 'erebus has a spare captain'#i just really liked that. francis knowing what james can be capable of even without sir john. and by the episode well..#its a necessity to step up#yeah im glad i finally gave this show a chance#tw blood#tw gore
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Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous
Running Gag: "What Are You Doing?"
#jurassic world: camp cretaceous#jwcc#yasmina fadoula#do you understand my hyperfixation level#do you know what it was like when I reflected on the last one at work#and pieced it together with three and four?#do you know what happened when I remembered that she asks that to Sammy?#do you know how upright I sat as I watched Ben and Yaz's conversations the next time around???#I finally gave up#and then I realized the truth:#she was SUPPOSED to ask him what he was doing with the hand sanitizer but they decided it worked better without the question#thus you can see her development: quietly judging and being confused to having to handle the small ones to just chatting casually#all five of them#and you can't tell me this wasn't deliberate#...I may have to sound out the others too#other things I'm picking up are that Kenji may have a verbal tic#Sammy corrects people#already compiling Ben's Toro obsession#but this one hit me and I seriously feel like this was a fun game the writers had#again I'll have to see if I can pull it off with the others#I know Darius yells it at Ben#but also I feel like Yaz isn't impulsive enough to be yelled at by the group#so I think it's just her#ben pincus#sammy gutierrez#darius bowman#brooklynn#kenji kon
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Dangerous Romance (2023) Episode 12
Isn’t it funny? I was having fun playing my basketball. How did I end up as the school’s football goalkeeper? I saw your potential a long time ago. How? How did you know?
#dangerous romance#dangerous romance the series#dangerous romance ep 12#dangerousromanceedit#*gifs#april.gifs#guy x nawa#guynawa#marc natarit#pawin thanik#long post#this is so unnecessary long but important to me#me after the 9th gif: let's stop here. also me: no *insert orange cat emoji*#anyways. THEM!#this part of their conversation finally gave me the answer why guy could conveniently throw that ball to nawa in the infirmary that day#because he's been observing he always knew nawa is good at catching ball#it also answered why those 'affectionate-not-actual-hate looks' between them whenever they fight-no-flirt-actually before#this show is really something :')
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#ryuji suguro#ao no exorcist#blue exorcist#ryuuji suguro#bon suguro#suguro ryuuji#suguro ryuji#izumo kamiki#time to go on a mini analysis#because i think this moment is hugely important and rather telling for miss kamiki#tamamo kamiki was shown to be very social and bubbly#but it was demons and her babies she was surrounded by#her would be partner also didn't seem to care for her at all outside of a good time#and the people in the town and shrine didn't care that *she* disappeared#they only cared that she was keeping the head priest distracted and sleeping with him#and the only conversations we hear around her of disapproval of her#i don't think she had any friends outside of the demons at her home and shrine#i think she did it all entirely alone#and that nine tails fed off that until she had the breaking moment of the one adult she thought was on her side dropping her#because all he wanted was *fun*#and her seeing that her daughter has people who came to fight for her and care about her gave her enough peace to finally pass on#and it's utterly heart breaking#so much of this manga is about friendship and connections and what happens when you're isolated or pushed away#anyway i just wanted to point that out because i think about it a lot#rin okumura#konekomaru miwa#shimane illuminati arc#chapter 61#shiemi moriyama#yukio okumura
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For some reason this song title reminds me of The Man Who Fell To Earth in a way
Like partially it's because of the word 'subterranean' since Bowie's track Subterraneans from Low was initially written when he tried to do the soundtrack for tmwfte and other than that it's just the feeling of the song ig? I know it's not what it's really about, that was just my first association, it is really beautiful though (me and my piano teacher went on a tangent about Radiohead today so that's what I've been listening to all evening lol)
#tbh I've kinda been hesitant to listen to them before because I was just really annoyed by creep#and I found other of their more famous songs like karma police or high and dry alright but not too interesting harmonically#but recently I finally gave in and listened to kid a and it was so beautiful and weird#definitely a fan of the way they mix acoustic and electronic sounds#and the melodies!!!#I had to get used to thom yorke's voice for a bit but now that I listen to it I do like it#I love how our piano lesson conversations evolve because we were just looking at a strange satie piece#and then it reminded my teacher of everything in its right place#so of course we talked about radiohead#and he told me how it was the band that got him out of his four-year-long jazz hyperfixation#and then later we talked a bit about music studies which evolved into a conversation about math and the point of it#because he took calculus for a year as a second course when he was studying jazz#my piano teacher is the best really#radiohead#the man who fell to earth#tmwfte#david bowie#Spotify
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A little something featuring Fuuta and Es after talking about their criminal lack of interaction in fanworks with @waivyjellyfish ! You had such awesome ideas (a few of which I'm still bouncing around in my head to post at some point,) but this one ended up taking over my brain -- I hope you enjoy 😅 Attempting to answer the widely-debated question:
“Oi, why didn’t you hit me?”
Es looked up from their paperwork.
“Prisoner number three. Most people are glad when they’re not struck.”
“Well, I’m not.”
Es usually left the door open at this hour, in case anyone had any last-minute complaints before curfew. No one usually took them up on the offer. They figured that if there was any prisoner they could count on to complain, it would be Fuuta marching through their door.
“You hit all the other guys. You even hit some of the girls that were giving you trouble. So what? You think I’m too weak? You think I can’t take it?” Fuuta spread his arms. “I can, so show me what you’ve got!”
Es sighed. They put down their pen. They folded their gloved hands together, resting their chin on top. “Fuuta, I’m not going to hit you.”
“Why not?”
“As of right now, I have no reason to. If you’re referring to the interrogations…”
They reflected on the first one they'd shared with him. To be fair, the thought had crossed their mind. It would have been satisfying to give this rowdy prisoner a taste of his own medicine – striking him after such a dramatic charge at them. But Es was always good at reading people. It didn’t take them long to understand Fuuta was the type to lash out first and ask questions later. In fact, that was likely what had landed him in Milgram in the first place.
Although Es knew they weren’t here to do any reformation, they wanted to try to show these prisoners where they’d gone wrong. So, they resolved to act as the bigger person. They’d prove that senseless violence was just that. By keeping their composure, they’d show Fuuta just how childish he was being.
That wasn’t my only reason. I guess that's true, my actions weren’t all purely righteous. I still spent the entire time looking for ways to make him squirm… But it wasn’t all cruelty. I really did want to understand. I wanted to help. That counts for something, right?
Es never struck the prisoners out of anger, or as a petty show of power. It was a way to force the prisoner to mind their ego. When they’d gotten a bit too full of themselves, a bit too comfortable with the awful deed they’d committed, Es’ blow encouraged them to feel a bit more humility and guilt.
By the time the second trial arrived, Fuuta oozed guilt.
The moment Es entered the interrogation room, it was clear that he needed no lesson in humility. He hugged his arms to his chest. His remaining eye darted around the room in thinly-veiled hysteria. His voice trembled when he spoke. It didn’t require any people-reading skills to hear the remorse that underlaid all of his accusations and threats.
Hitting the others felt like giving a dog a tap on the nose after breaking a rule. Meanwhile, Fuuta snapped and snarled like a stray who’d been kicked time and time again.
Of course, he could never know any of this. Any way Es phrased it, Fuuta would misunderstand it as pity.
Well, wasn’t it? I thought he looked like a kicked puppy – that sounds a lot like pity. No, it was out of respect. Does that mean I didn’t respect the prisoners I did hit? No. I respected them too. Then, what’s the difference?
Fuuta was still staring at them, asking the very same question. What’s the difference?
“Each of Milgram’s prisoners is unique.”
They were met with an unimpressed glare.
Es chose their words carefully. “Each one responds best to a variety of treatments. Some need attention to be comfortable, while others need time. Some need validation in order to confess. Others, a bit of debate does the trick. Some need a show of force. You –” remind me too much of myself “– require something else. I’ve learned to change my approach depending on the person I’m dealing with.”
Fuuta’s features flashed with confusion, then shame, then his usual mask of anger. “Tch. How pathetic.”
“Excuse me?”
“So you just change your personality when it’s convenient? You put up fake smiles and fake attitude? Have some balls and just be yourself.”
Es was caught by surprise. “... I am. Those are all pieces of myself. I choose to bring out different parts when it would be most helpful.”
“Sounds manipulative as hell to me.”
It makes sense he doesn’t understand. He’s a very clear-cut person, with every aspect of his personality lining up in a way that makes sense. I find that predictability fun. Or, is it something that I envy? Could it be both?
They had no time to dwell on it, as Fuuta was struck with an idea. “Though, if you can do it on command, why don’t you give me the ‘you’ that wants to hit someone?”
He spread his arms once more, hands gesturing to his chest. Es pretended not to notice him wince. They remained in their seat.
“What are you waiting for? Hit me!”
“I will not.”
“You just said you can change your personality on a whim, so let’s see it!”
“That is not what I said.”
His good eye began to look frenzied. He raised his voice. “You scared? The big bad warden of Milgram, nothing but a big coward!”
“Stop this. You’re acting childish.”
“No! You’re treating me childishly! Let me see the Es that kicked Shidou! The one that slapped Kazui! Treat me like you treated them!”
“I hit them because they said something stupid. They deserved it.”
“Are you fucking kidding? I deserve it too! I deserve it! Come on!”
At the last word, his voice broke. He stumbled to his knees. He let his head drop. He sucked in strained breath after strained breath. Shidou would surely give him a lecture about getting so worked up with his injuries.
Es finally stood.
They made their way around the desk. They knelt on the floor in front of him.
“Why?” he wheezed. “Tell me…”
“Fuuta.”
Should I just go ahead and do it, just to make him happy? No, I want to talk it out. But what do even I say? I'll tell him that I care. I can’t. None of the prisoners understand that I care. Why? Why is it so hard for them to see? I’m trying my best, why can’t they see?
Es extended their hand carefully. They didn’t know what they hoped to accomplish, but in that moment their thoughts were too loud and conflicting. They needed to do something.
Fuuta saw the gentle intention, and immediately raised his own hand to strike. It froze midair, though whether it was from Milgram’s restrictions or his own hesitation, Es would never know.
Neither of their gestures connected.
Footsteps. Then Yuno’s voice, hesitantly from the doorway. “We heard shouting, is everything alright in here?”
Es retracted their hand. A beat. Fuuta dropped his, too.
“Yuno. Yes, we’re fine. Fuuta was just heading to bed. I’m going to walk him to his cell.”
“I can handle myself.”
“I said, I’m going to walk him to his cell.”
Es stood, nodding to Yuno. When she’d gone, they turned their attention back to the prisoner crumpled on the ground. They made an effort to quiet their ever-racing thoughts.
“Listen. I know you can handle yourself. I’m not doing this because I think you’re weak. You’re strong. Don’t think for a moment that I don’t see that.”
They held out their arm to help him up. He didn’t move.
“Sometimes you are a bit too strong, if you ask me. I mean, picking fights with your prison warden, really?” They clicked their tongue. “You should be grateful for a superior that gives you second chances.”
At last, Fuuta took their hand. He avoided meeting their eyes, but his voice had softened considerably from his rant. “The only thing you give me is a headache.”
Es offered a dry smile as they pulled him to his feet. “The feeling is mutual.”
#milgram#es#fuuta kajiyama#i fully intended on writing something silly/sweet so SORRY this was a lot of drama 😭 silly and sweetness coming soon i promise adsfsdf#i really do think es would see themself in fuuta to some degree#something about them being filled with audience voices and fuuta also being a reflection of the audience... idk...#it makes me crazy how much es cares !!!! their line at the end of baptism of fire about how they dont hate the prisoners#and they now have a connection that cant be broken#and they see them all as comrades#it makes me crazy!!!#they have too many conflicting thoughts/feelings of WARDEN DUTY to flat out say 'hey i care about you'#but they do!!!! ;---;#i had some fun writing es' internal monologue like that! i debated on making it specifically a conversation between voices (using 'you' or#third person pronouns) but i think this still gets the idea across well#i know es never actually gave a straight answer to the final question but i hope this still gave a good peek at their reasoning#i genuinely dont think es pities him but he IS a pathetic wet cat in t2 and that definitely influences their actions in some way#i believe your exact words were 'red-haired fucked up dog' and i hope i could do that image justice 😎👍#drabbles
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Even at his best with a goal in mind, Phineas still has a moment of indecision and weakness—except this time, Spahr is able to break through his own crippling indecision to break the cycle and finally be there for him. They’ve come full circle
#Midst#midst spoilers#phineas thatch#jonas spahr#It’s a flaw of phineas’ that will exist no matter what and that’s okay#But Spahr has the choice to shame him for it (like he unintentionally did with the list he gave Phineas right before landing on Midst)#Or to stand there do nothing about the situation (like he did during the cabaret break in)#But he finally takes initiative to do a narrative action (for the first time)#And that first action is supporting Phineas to do the right thing in a moment where Phineas needs help!#He doesn’t need to have the flaw of indecision magically go away he just needs to be supported through it for the first time#And Spahr actively fights his own flaws to do that#Good for them. Can’t wait for their heartfelt tearful conversation as they plummet to their doom
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My controversial jjk take is that mahito should've remained the main threat/antagonist throughout the whole thing
#the thing with sukuna was that despite all his efforts to be a curse he was ultimately deeply human#and as powerful of a threat as he was that fact would never go away (which is why his ending was a sort of second chance/redemption)#same with kenjaku to an extent#kenjaku finally found someone to keep them entertained for a long. long time and not abandon them like tengen.#their reason to change was also deeply human they were very starved for company/connection in a way that most mortal humans couldn't provide#meanwhile mahito wants none of that#mahito's entire existence is an antithesis to every positive human emotion he literally is the only lasting permanent scars on yuuji#I feel like gege fumbled the human/curse dichotomy in the story the moment it became about people vs people#bc the story became way more focused on individual good and bad apples as apposed to the whole that it started out being about#I feel like gege bringing mahito back for the final conversation was him acknowledging this#gege could've still had gojo die by sukuna's hand and have the whole shinjuku showdown play out#but then it could've continued to be about the curses the story started out wamting to eradicate#sukuna was never the 'sole' only problem in the world he was merely an example of what this system makes#I feel like gege just gave up on those bigger picture themes for the purpose of shallower but character focused conclusions#which doesn't work for me at all tbh#the people who inherited the sorcery world might not be as bad as the original higher ups but they are NOT good#this is better but only just barely#jjk spoilers#jjk 271#idk i'm rambling
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guys can yall help a girl with social anxiety figure out what's normal? if I'm chatting with someone on a dating app and it's not going anywhere, like their response didn't provide any sort of opening for me to continue the conversation, can I just not answer? or is that considered rude or ghosting or whatever? I mean I'm not going anywhere I just feel like if they want to keep talking they're gonna have to give me a little more substance. they probably care as little about this conversation as I do that's why their answer boring, right???
#like if I haven't even met someone irl I don't have to be all 'I don't think this is the right fit' right?#like I can just let the conversation die?#(can you tell I finally gave in and got a dating app like two weeks ago and it's stressing me out?)
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Kingdom of Ash Chapter 59
Chapter; Highlights
His ears still rang with the din of battle, his breath a rasping beat echoed by Aelin.
Atop the blood-slick battlements, their allies and companions around them, Rowan wordlessly passed Aelin the waterskin. She drank deeply, then handed it to Fenrys.
An unleashing and release. That's what the battle had been for his mate.
Hasar at last looked Aelin over. "I heard you put on a show today."
Rowan braced himself.
Aelin turned from the battlefield and inclined her head. "You look as if you did, too." Indeed, Hasar's ornate armor was splattered with black blood. She'd been in the thick of it, atop her Muniqi horse, and had ridden right up to the gates. But the princess made no further comment.
Irritation, deep and nearly hidden, flashed in Aelin's eyes. Yet she didn't speak again-didn't push the princess about their next steps. She just watched the battlefield once more, chewing on her lip.
She'd barely stopped during the battle, halting only when there had been no more Valg left to kill. And in the minutes since the walls had been cleared, she'd remained quiet— distant. As if she was still climbing out of that calm, calculating place she'd descended into while fighting. She hadn't bothered to remove any of her armor. The bronze battle-crown was caked with blood, her hair matted with it.
Chaol's father had taken one look at her armor, at Rowan's, and gone white with rage.
For now. They had bigger things to consider. Things that drove his mate to gnaw on her lip. When Prince Kashin's army might arrive, if they would indeed head northward to Terrasen. If today had been enough to win them over.
"Any nearby are to run here. Those farthest out will have to flee for the forest." Rowan met Aelin's stare. Her hands began shaking.
This cannot end here, she seemed to say.
Panic—panic indeed flared in her eyes. Rowan gripped her trembling hand and squeezed.
But there was no truth or lie that might soothe her. No truth or lie to save the army on the plain.
Something had gone wrong. Something was wrong.
The battlefield stretched into the distance, healers darting amongst the felled bodies with white banners high to indicate their locations. So many. So many dead and wounded. A sea of them.
Elide reached Chaol's side just as Nesryn Faliq leaped atop her beautiful ruk, launching into a dive for the army below. No-the other ruks.
Elide laid a hand on Lord Chaol's shoulder, drawing his attention from where he watched Nesryn fly off. Blood-splattered, but his bronze eyes were clear. And full of terror.
Any message that Yrene had given Elide faded from her memory. "What's wrong?"
It was Aelin who answered, her bloodied armor strange and ancient. A vision of old. "The dam is going to break," the queen said hoarsely. "And wipe away anyone on the plain."
Oh gods. Oh gods.
Elide glanced between them, and knew the answer to her next question: What can be done?
Nothing.
Ruks took to the skies, flapping toward them, soldiers in their talons and clinging to their backs.
"Has anyone warned the healers?" Elide pointed to the white banners waving so far out into the plain. "The Healer on High?" Hafiza was down there, Yrene had said.
Silence. Then Prince Sartaq swore in his own tongue, and sprinted for his golden ruk. He was spearing for the battlefield within seconds, his shouts ringing out. Kadara dipped every few moments, and when she rose again, another small figure was in her talons. Healers. Grabbing as many of them as he could.
Elide whirled to her companions as soldiers began running for the keep, trampling corpse and injured alike. Orders went out in the language of the southern continent, and more soldiers on the battlefield leaped into action.
"What elsewhat else can we do?" Elide demanded. Aelin and Rowan only stared toward the battlefield, watching with Fenrys and Gavriel as the ruks raced to save as many as they could. Behind them, Princess Hasar paced, and Chaol and his father murmured about where they might fit everyone in the keep. Those who survived.
Elide looked at them again. Looked at all of them.
And then asked quietly, "Where is Lorcan?" None of them turned. Elide asked, louder, "Where is Lorcan?" Gavriel's tawny eyes scanned hers, confusion dancing there. "He ... he went out onto the battlefield during the fighting. I saw him just before the khagan's troops reached him."
"Where is he?" Elide's voice broke. Fenrys faced her now. Then Rowan and Aelin. Elide begged, voice breaking, "Where is Lorcan?" From their stunned silence, she knew they hadn't so much as wondered.
Elide whirled to the battlefield. To that endless stretch of fallen bodies. Soldiers fleeing. Many of the wounded being abandoned where they lay. So many bodies. So, so many soldiers down there.
"Where." No one answered. Elide pointed toward the battlefield and snarled at Gavriel, "Where did you see him join with the khagan's forces?"
"Nearly on the other side of the field," Gavriel answered, voice strained, and pointed across the plain. "I—I didn't see him after that."
"Shit," Fenrys breathed.
Rowan said to him, "Use your magic. Jump to the field, find him, and bring him back."
Relief crumpled Elide's chest.
Until Fenrys said, "I can't."
"You didn't use it once during the battle," Rowan challenged. "You should be fully primed to do it."
Fenrys blanched beneath the blood on his face, and cast pleading eyes to Elide. "I can't."
Silence fell on the battlements.
Then Rowan growled, "You won't." He pointed with a bloody finger to the battlefield.
"You'd let him die, and for what? Aelin forgave him." His tattoo scrunched as he snarled again.
"Save him."
Fenrys swallowed. But Aelin said, "Leave it, Rowan." Rowan snarled at her too. She snarled right back. "Leave it."
Some unspoken conversation passed between them, and the hope flaring in Elide's chest went out as Rowan backed down. Gave Fenrys an apologetic nod. Fenrys, looking like he was going to be sick, just faced the battlefield again.
Elide backed away a step. Then another.
Lorcan couldn't be dead.
She would know if he were dead. She would know it, in her heart, her soul, if he were gone.
He was down there. He was down there, in that army, perhaps injured and bleeding out — No one stopped her as Elide raced inside the keep. Each step limped, pain cracking through her leg, but she didn't falter as she hit the interior stairwell and plunged into the chaos.
She had made him a promise.
She had sworn him an oath, all those months ago.
I will always find you.
Soldiers and healers fled up the stairs, shoving past Elide. The shouting was near-deafening, bouncing off the ancient stones. She battled her way down, sobbing through her teeth.
I will always find you.
Pushing, elbowing, bellowing at the frantic people who ran past her, Elide fought for each step downward. Toward the gates.
People screamed, a never-ending flood surging up the stairs. Still Elide pushed her way down, losing a step here, another there. They did not even look at her, even try to clear a way as they flowed upward. It was only when Elide lost another step that she roared into the stairwell, "Clear a path for the queen!"
No one listened, so she did it again. She filled her voice with command, with every ounce of power that she'd seen the Fae males use to intimidate their opponents. "Clear a path for the queen!"
This time, people pressed against the walls.
Elide took the small opening, and screamed her order again and again, ankle barking with every step down.
But she made it. Made it to the chaotic lower level, to the open gates teeming with soldiers. Beyond them, bodies stretched into the horizon. Warriors and healers and those bearing the wounded rushed toward any stairwell they could find.
Elide managed all of five limping steps toward the open gate before she knew it would be impossible. To cross the field, to find him on the endless plain, before that dam burst and he was swept away. Before he was gone forever.
He was not dead.
He was not dead.
I will always find you.
Elide scanned the gates, the skies for any sign of a ruk that might carry her. But they soared to the upper levels, crawling with soldiers and healers, some even depositing their charges onto the mountain face itself. And at ground level, none would hear her cries for help.
No soldiers would stop, either.
Elide scanned the other end of the gates' entryway.
Beheld the horses being led out from their stables by frantic handlers, the beasts bucking at the panic around them as they were hauled toward the teeming ramps.
A black mare reared, her cry a sharp warning before she slashed her hooves at the handler. Lord Chaol's horse. The handler shrieked and fell back, barely grasping the reins as the horse stomped, her ears flat to her head.
Elide did not think. Did not reconsider. She limped for the horses and the stables.
She said to the frantic handler, still backing away from the half-wild horse, "I'll get her." The man, white-faced, threw her the reins.
"Good luck." Then he, too, ran.
The mare Farasha-yanked so hard on the reins that Elide was nearly hurled across the stones. But she planted her feet, leg screaming, and said to the horse, "I have need of you, fierce-heart." She met Farasha's dark, raging eyes. "I have need of you." Her voice broke.
"Please."
And gods above, that horse stilled. Blinked.
Horses and handlers streamed past them, but Elide held firm. Waited until Farasha lowered her head, as if in permission.
The stirrups were low enough thanks to Lord Chaol's long legs that Elide could reach them. She still bit down on her shout as her weight settled on her bad ankle, as she pushed, and heaved herself into Farasha's fine saddle. A small mercy, that they had not even had time to unsaddle the horses after battle. A set of what seemed to be braces hung from its sides, surely to keep Lord Chaol stabilized, and Elide unhooked them. Any weight, anything to slow her, had to be discarded.
Elide gathered the reins. "To the battlefield, Farasha."
With a whinnying cry, Farasha plunged into the fray.
Soldiers leaped from their path, and Elide did not stop to apologize, did not stop for anyone, as she and the black mare charged toward the gates. Then through them.
And onto the plain.
#Chapter 59#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Rowan Whitethorn#Aelin Galathynius#Nesryn Faliq#Chaol Westfall#Yrene Towers#Gavriel#Princess Hasar#Lorcan Salvaterre#Elide Lochan#Fenrys Moonbeam#First Read along with me NO SPOILERS PLEASE though warning for post & tags up to KoA 59 & more reacts/notes/quotes in tags below#Aelin won’t take itUnleashing&releaseI KNEW SHE HAD A PLANdeeply waitingHis mate-Their world-Wild-Irritation-She didn’t get impressed#Out of calm-Too soft-NowNOW-Pick anywhere and go-the magic-address later-she gave an option: panic.-Her water magic daughter of Mab#can she control it?-She knows he’s alive because she still is but Valg the fear is real-Ruken yes-Refused to go-Lorcan NO DYING#the audiobook of this will destroy me-THANK YOU ELIDE GOOD QUESTION-Strange ancient-how had no one wondered#I cant/uwont-he didn’t mean it like that-leave it-why?-I will always find u-THATconversation!what was the conversation-floods-shared power#Had he not been swept into the dance of battle he might have stopped to marvel at them. — The Darghan#And those that don't make it to the ruks? the princess pressed something like panic cracking through her fierce face.#Rowan's own heart thundered. They had won the battle only for the enemy to get the final say in their victory. Morath.#It would destroy this army this shred of hope in a simple brutal blow Was it a trap all along?-It’s a trap! Did he pick Anielle for this?DA#NoNot like thisTheres nowhere for them to goThink laterRunNowPut them on the rocks anywhere.magic what if-open the gates-Oakwald#Sent by Yrene to see how Chaol fared a panting fearful question from a wife who had not heard anything of him since the battle#ELIDE KNEW#where is Lorcan going on the list of things that broke me cause Elide knew but also her heart knew cause it wouldve stopped without him#the protective LAY OFF Fenrys and then snarl and Rowan’s snarl back for Lorcan but then explanation & almost pack like mentality#I WILL FIND YOU I WILL ALWAYS FIND YOU#DO THEY HAVE MACELENA VIBES
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