#fidget your brain tried to delete

[themandalabloom]

Someone told me that fidget toys would never succeed long-term. I guess it kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly... as these 3D wire mandalas shared the same fate back in the early 90's.

❗️Giving Away this Fidget Bloom to one random commenter/reblogger! Winner chosen on Sunday! PS: What should I name this funky pink colour? Suggestions welcomed!

However, this is different now cuz it can do more than just fidgeting. My handmade fidget blooms are great for wearing as a bracelet, hair bun cage, fairy trap, ornamental piece, desk toy, and more. Multi-functional for everyday use.

New silver styles are available on my shop thanks to endless requests for silver! Just search Meraki Sphere on Etsy, or visit this link:

[pastself]

Want for Nothing: Deleted Scene (Joint Accounts - 1.3k)

So, part of the problem with being a discovery writer is that I have a good 20k of deleted scenes for Want for Nothing. Most of them are nothing special, but some I can’t quite let go of, even though they don’t work anymore — this is one of them.

It’s set in Chapter 3 (4 by ao3 logic) “Tabloid Junkie” and basically has Tony/Peter confronting their new financial dynamic head-on. It got cut because 1/ Peter was going through enough in that chapter, 2/ they were both just… not in the right place to talk about it without it devolving into an argument. It’s unfinished in that respect, because I was just not up to writing whatever new hell they were going to invent.

—

The bed was cold when Peter woke the next morning. 

Cold, but not empty.

A pile of bank documents lay on top of Tony’s pillow. No note attached – unless several post-its with the words "sign here" counted. 

Peter read over the documents alone in his multi-million dollar apartment with the blinds down. Signing would make him a co-owner of Tony's accounts. The balance wasn't listed, but behind the ownership documents were sign-offs for new unlimited lines of credit in Peter's name. 

Peter hadn't even known there was such a thing as unlimited credit. 

He called Tony.

"Hear me out," Tony said as soon as the call connected. "This is just like May’s medical bills."

"How?"

"Your Aunt's old boss screwed her out of what she'd worked for, so I fixed the damage. This is me doing the same for you."

"But I’m fine. I’m–"

“NYU is pulling your scholarship.”

The words hit Peter like a punch to the gut. His vision blurred and he felt the blood run from his brain. He sat down, hard, on a kitchen stool. Tony was still talking to him, but the words were indistinguishable. Completely obscured by the white noise of panic running through him.

His scholarship.

The one he’d spent years fighting for, pulling weeks of all-nighters to ensure he stayed in the city’s top percentile. Padding his resume with debate team and volunteer work, on top of his jobs and Spider-Man. His scholarship. The one he and May had cried over, together, when it had come through. The one that had been set to get him through college, miraculously, with ‘only’ 20 grand of student debt. 

Gone.

“–but you told me to tell you before I pull shit. So I put the foundation on hold, and figured we could just pay this all out of pocket. Out of your pocket, if you’ll let me–”

“Wait, what?”

Tony was silent for a beat. “You missed everything I said, huh?”

“I… what?”

Tony let out a sad sigh, and Peter desperately wished they were having this conversation in person.

“The scholarship is gone, babe.”

“But why… how can they do this?”

“It’s the apartment. It’s legally in your name, and when they… found out about your change of address, they decided to re-evaluate your financial status. You don’t qualify for aid anymore.”

Oh.

“But an apartment doesn’t pay for, like, tuition. Or food. Or just… anything else. I quit my jobs. Just because I’m living here–”

“They don’t see it that way. So, either we fight them, which I’m happy to do, or we just give them money. In this case, I think paying them off is the better option.”

Peter squeezed his eyes shut and tried to swallow back the lump in his throat. He knew Tony was just trying to help but, fuck, if didn’t feel like someone had just pulled the rug out from under him.

“You said something about a foundation?” he said, trying to piece together Tony’s earlier rant.

“I uh-” Tony started, before clearing his throat awkwardly. Peter heard him fidget with something on his desk. “My first thought was to set up a foundation under SI that could just give you a new scholarship.”

“Are you kidding me–”

“But, I remembered you told me to just ask you before I did shit. So, I shelved the scholarship idea and instead I’m asking. This is me asking, okay? Let me do this for you. Let me fix this.” 

Peter looked down at the bank documents Tony had provided. It was too much. He couldn’t imagine having total access to Tony’s money; he didn’t want the responsibility that came with that.

“Can’t you just… pay my tuition? And give me something for expenses?”

Tony made no reply for a long moment. Long enough for Peter to feel antsy. Because really, what kind of person said no to a fortune?

“Those documents would give you more security,” Tony said, eventually. “I wouldn’t be able to take away your access without your consent. So if… if things don’t work out, you’ll be able to look out for yourself.”

If things don’t work out?

“Are you breaking up with me?” Peter said instinctively, irrationally.

“Jesus, Peter, no. People don’t hand over billions of dollars as a parting gift. No. Definitely not breaking up with you.”

“Billions?” Peter let out a croak of a laugh. “Right, yeah, of course, right. Sorry.”

“I just– you should have the freedom.”

Peter understood Tony’s motivation, in theory – but he hated it. Because Tony was family, now, and Peter couldn’t imagine a world in which he wouldn’t be. Couldn’t imagine a world in which he’d choose to stop taking Tony’s support. Or in which Tony would stop giving it, even if they stopped dating.

But maybe Tony needed that reassurance. Maybe this wasn’t just about Peter. Maybe this was one of those points of compromise MJ kept talking about.

“Is that… is that ‘freedom’ important for you?”

“Yes,” Tony answered immediately.

Okay. Compromise it is, then.

“Alright, alright,” Peter tried to bring his mind into focus. Tried to think of a way this would work for both of them. “Could you set it up in a way that… I dunno, lets me have access up to a certain limit? And a set time-frame? That way you’ll know I’ll be able to cover tuition and expenses for… well, however long you think.”

“So no limits and forever?”

“Tony–”

“What?" Tony said stubbornly. "That’s what you deserve.”

Peter sighed. “I’m not saying no, Tony. But the idea of being responsible for, like, an infinite amount of money freaks me out. I don’t want to be on the Forbes list or–”

“Those lists are bullshit PR–”

“Well, whatever. You get my point. I get that you want me to have that extra cushion, but I– I’m trying to compromise here. I already trust you to support me — I don’t see why we need to do all this, especially since it will inevitably end up in the Bugle.”

Tony was silent, but for a pen tapping contemplatively.

“Is this a kink thing?” he said

Peter definitely hadn’t seen the conversation going this direction.

“What? A- a what?”

“You know,” Tony said, voice oddly detached and casual. “‘Pay for me, own me, control me.’ Are you trying to tell me you have an ownership kink? That you’re into the whole codependent, power transfer thing?”

“That’s a thing?”

Tony let out a gust of air, and Peter heard more rustling in the background. Peter genuinely has no idea how to continue this conversation.

“Yes. It’s a thing,” Tony said, at last. “Is it your thing?”

“Is it yours?” Peter volleyed back.

“Not necessarily.”

“Okay, well…” Peter still didn’t know what to say. “Ditto?”

Tony was quiet for another long minute. Peter started counting his breaths to keep himself from speaking. 

“So,” Tony said eventually. “You want me to control your finances, but not in a kinky way. Honestly, that may be worse.”

Peter sighed. “No,” he said, emphatically. “I don’t want you to control anything. What I want is the scholarship I dedicated years of my life to getting. But, given that’s not an option, I am happy to accept your support – which doesn’t have to mean access to all your money. I love May, and I’d help her with anything, but we still have separate bank accounts. See where I’m going with this?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah — you want a daddy.” Tony’s voice was hard. Angry.

Peter genuinely wanted to throw his phone out the window. Actually, he could hear it crack slightly under his hand, so he put it down and just let himself breathe. 

And breathe.

And breathe.

“Peter?” came Tony’s voice.

Peter finally picked up his phone. “If you were anyone else I would have hung up.”

—

Edit with my tags (lol making me change my tumblr ways): fwiw Peter still doesn’t know if the money thing is a sex thing for him, bc it is just so intertwined with the way Peter feels Tony’s love for him. Obvs that impacts the sex but not — directly?

[doomstarmagician]

There is a long silence from him as she scrolls through the vast number of pictures of them, with each other, with their collective group of friends, everyone they’ve grown close to over the years. It’s all there, on that tiny handheld device. He watches the screen with curious interest, as if he was reliving these moments as the pictures scrolled by.

He felt a faint tightness clench his heart, or… whatever it was that sat in the center of his chest. A wellspring of emotion rose within him as his mind recalls these bygone days. He blinked a couple of times, wanting to focus better on the task at hand. But…

“I can’t delete that, not when it was your contact picture for so long.” He blurts, the words leaving him before his brain has a chance to catch up. “The cake was so good, we ate most of it ourselves… you and me.”

When his gaze rises from the screen to watch her for a moment, there’s a tender look in his eyes. He can’t quite place what exactly it is he’s feeling, but he knows all of his hope lies in these pictures. And suddenly, he finds himself really, really glad that he always chose to live in the moment and that he has all of these recorded memories to fall back on.

But then her question meets his ears, and he feels as though a ton of bricks was just dropped on his chest. It’s silly, in a way. When he thinks back to that time— that mishap, he would have laughed it off after all this time. Yet in this moment, when Mana was fighting to regain some semblance of herself, of her own memories, when she fought to discern fact from fiction, suddenly things aren’t so funny to him. It’s as though the air had been pushed from his lungs and her question leaves him reeling.

Did you break my heart, dear?

Despite that, he owed her an answer.

“I suppose I did, once upon a time.” He responded carefully, staring ahead as he mentally sifted through his own memories to recall the day that it happened. “There is this holiday in the human world, it isn’t a major holiday or anything like that, but it’s called international kissing day.”

There’s a pause, and his gaze slowly shifts back to Mana. He fidgeted with the edge of his cape as he continued. “You and I shared a kiss, and it led to some misplaced feelings. Ultimately it was my fault; I handled the situation terribly. Your heart… tried to find mine.” He explained carefully, eyes narrowing as he tried to recall all the details as best he could. “And I panicked. I didn’t know what to do, or how to handle what was happening. Something like that was so new to me, embarrassingly so.”

He can feel heat rising to his cheeks, clearly still feeling a little awkward about the entire incident even though many moons had passed since then. He swallowed a lump in his throat and offered a small, apologetic smile. “I ended up rejecting you, and that hurt you. And I don’t— I don’t think I’ve ever truly forgiven myself for that. Granted, this was a really long time ago, Mana. We were both still new to each other, really. But we were able to move on from it, at least… I would like to think so, considering how much we’ve been through together since then.”

He brings his hands into his lap and sighs, his shoulders visibly slumping. Carmine eyes raise skyward, as if the stars could spell out where to go from here. But… no such luck tonight.

“I’m not sure if you’re supposed to hate me or not. It isn’t my decision to make. But… I’d like to think people who hate each other don’t go out of their way to call each other best girl and darling star.”

@mahoushojoumonster | here.

This is all wrong. Something in his stomach turns when he hears his name. It’s.. his name but—

It sounds foreign to him. With Mana, he was used to nicknames, silly little things they’d come up with for each other over the years. Darling Star in more recent times, one he’d grown particularly fond of, too. And she was his Best Girl, but right now he felt as if he was speaking to a hollow of his friend. One of his best friends, in the entire world, gazed at his as if she hardly knew him. As if they were hardly acquaintances. Why was everything so formal? So guarded?

He cautions a step forward, not wanting to shatter the fragile moment that hung in the air between them. Not wanting to harm her mentally, emotionally, more than she had already endured and was still dealing with. Slowly, there is another step, and one more after that. Just enough to draw him a little closer. His hands remain at his sides as an act of neutrality. He wasn’t going to hurt her. Couldn’t fathom wanting to fight her. Not like this. Not if it wasn’t some silly mock battle or some practice sparring to kill some time.

And that’s when he hears it. The edge in her voice, followed by the uncertainty.

But the anger is there, even if it is nothing but a quiet simmer beneath the surface.

He believed her people to be beneath him? That she was—

“That you what, Mana? What do you think that I think about you?”

Please don’t break his heart. Or do, if you must…

His gaze flickers to her hands rising to clutch her head and he takes a few more steps closer, his hands instinctively reaching out and yet tentatively lingering just before he can touch her. But the closer he gets, the more he can feel it, sense it. Grey magic, a lethal dose at that.

“Listen to me. I’m here because my best girl is in distress. You think I can just let that slide? To let you, of all people, endure it alone? If you are angry with me, so be it. If you need to lash out, then do so. But I’m not leaving you like this.”

[johnsamericano]

𝓓𝓪𝔂 5:

qιαи кυи

23 days of NCT masterlist.

taglist: @notbeforelong @unknown5tar @whathamelon @curieouscapt @silent-potato

warnings: use of the nickname sir (once I think), power play, slight choking, creampie, office sex, pure filth.

“Crap.” You murmured, your figure engulfed by the darkness of the big office.

The power had gone off, all the work you’d done probably lost now. A pair of black Oxfords clicked on the marble floor, echoing through the walls.

“Y/n?” You recognized the voice of your boss, who usually kept you company when you stayed extra hours. “Are you alright?”

“I might jump out of the window if my report got deleted.” He giggled, extending his hands to avoid crashing onto something. “Now I’ll have to stay longer.” You groaned in frustration, jolting when a pair of hands squeezed your shoulders.

“Let’s go to my office, I have a few candles and a chess board to pass time.” As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you started being able to see his face. That handsome face that had anyone down on their knees in a matter of seconds. “Don’t worry, I don’t bite.” But the rumors spreading around the office said otherwise. People around you would literally call him a sex god, but only very few were able to experience his abilities and none of them for more than once.

“Sure, Mr. Qian.” With your phone’s flashlight, you followed him back to the wide office, which was probably the size of your apartment.

He’d already set the chessboard, two glasses of red wine on each side of it. The candles surrounding it gave the atmosphere a warmer tone, more sensual you daresay.

“Have a seat.” The leather couch was soft, like sitting on a cloud. “I’ll play with the black ones.” You nodded, eyes staring at the glass and wondering if it would be correct to take a sip. “Go ahead, it’s all yours.” He said as if he’d listened to your thoughts.

“Thank you.” The game started, you moving your pawns first and surprisingly getting a hold of some of his pieces.

You were quick to take control of most of the board, almost all of your pieces still standing. Maybe you weren’t that bad at chess after all.

“Check mate!” You clapped your hands excitedly, sipping the last drops of wine from your glass.

“I want a rematch.”

You played a couple more matches, easily winning each and every one of them as you drank glass after glass, Kun looking at you with wide eyes.

“Sorry, I love wine.” And you had a great alcohol resistance.

“This is getting a little boring.” You nodded, not knowing the true intentions behind his words. “What if we give this game a little twist?”

“What kind of twist?” You raised an eyebrow, your elegant fingers grabbing the base of the glass.

“For every match one of us loses, the other one picks a piece of clothing they take off.”

“Huh?” So that’s what this was all about, he was trying to get into your pants. Thank god he sucked at the game. “Well, I’m only going to accept because you’re such a terrible player.” You weren’t planing on asking him to take off his shirt or something, maybe a sock or his tie would do.

“Ouch.” He pretended to have a chest pain, proceeding to flash a dimpled smile in your direction.

Oh if only you knew.

“How?” You stared at the board, as if the answer would suddenly appear carved on it.

“Luck, I guess.” Your brain was quick to pick up on things.

“Luck my ass, you tricked me!” For a moment you forgot it was your boss who you were talking to, but he didn’t seem to mind, more like he was actually enjoying himself.

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.” He stood up from the couch, taking out a bottle of whiskey and a glass from the cabinet beside his desk. He poured the ámbar liquid inside while taking a seat. “Now...” he took a sip, his eyes seductively looking at you. “Where should we start?” He evaluated his options, scanning your body from head to toes. “Take of your bra.”

“H-Huh?” You weren’t expecting him to be so direct, and yet, his words had you core dripping already.

“Take of your bra.” He repeated. “Unless you’re uncomfortable, in which case, you’re free to leave.” But he perfectly knew you had no intentions of leaving, a cocky grin adorning his plump lips as you lifted your shirt slightly, unclasping the piece of lingerie and pulling it out through your sleeve, something you usually did as soon as you arrive home.

The silky material of your blouse caressed your soft buds. Your piece of clothing was a little see through, giving Kun a peak at your hardened nipples.

“Shall we move on to the next round?”

In less than an hour, you were sitting almost completely naked in front of him, your panties being the last piece of clothing covering you (if you didn’t count the high heels he’d insisted you kept on). But they wouldn’t stay on for longer, for your king was trapped with not much pieces left to cover him. Your forearm covered your breasts as well as you could, your hands fidgeting with the wooden piece.

“There’s no way I can win this, is there?”

“I’m afraid not, darling.” Without an ounce of embarrassment left, you slipped down the final piece of clothing, kicking it to the side and releasing your mounds from their confinement. “Look at you, all pretty and naked for your boss.”

“What comes next?” Perhaps another round of chess, you thought. Instead of putting the pieces back in place, he walked over to you, lifting your chin so your eyes were directly facing his.

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard.”

You somehow ended up laying down on his desk, all of the stuff in it now scattered around the floor as he rammed himself inside of you. He kept eye contact at all times, that cocky grin making its appearance as he held your knees against your chest.

“God, y/n. You know how long I’ve waited to do this?” Blonde strands of hair were sticking to his forehead, beads of sweat shimmering under the dim light of the candles. “Even when I was fucking someone else, all my mind could think about, was you. How well you’d take me, how much of a good girl you’d be for me...”

“S-sir.” You were clenching around him, seconds away from your high.

“You’re my pretty little fuck doll, aren’t you?” His hands let go of your knees, wrapping around your neck instead. “Answer.”

“Yes, sir.” You whimpered, your air supply running short.

“Good girl.” His hands loosened around your neck, but still not letting go of it. “I want you to take all of my cum, not a single drop of it should be wasted, alright?” You nodded, eyes shut as your toes curled in pleasure.

One final thrust sent you over the edge, consequently causing his seed to paint your walls. He pulled out, watching you desperately try not to spill his fluids.

“So obedient.” He walked back to the small living room, grabbing your discarded clothes to dress you up. “Just so you know, I usually never do this.” He clasped your beige bra, his fingers pad brushing your flushed skin.

“Then why are you doing it now?” By now, his cum was sliding down from your thighs into the desk, but he didn’t mind, at least you tried.

“Because it’s you.”

“I’m honored, Mr. Qian.”

“Don’t get cocky. Raise your butt.”

“Wait!” He had already slid your panties up, smearing them with yours and his fluids. “Kun!”

“Calling me by my name? Naughty girl.” He flicked your forehead, not completely sure if giving the red spot a kiss would be appropriate. “It doesn’t seem like the power’s gonna come back soon, you should head home.”

“But then you’ll be alone.”

“Are you worried about me?” The thought of the recent events not being more than a one-time thing, made your heart drop.

“N-no. Never mind, I’ll see you tomorrow, boss.” You adjusted your dressing pants before hoping off the desk.

“Wear a skirt tomorrow.” He said right before you crossed the door. “And no panties, I want you ready for me.”

It was definitely not gonna be a one-time thing, and the thought of it alone, had you drenched. Maybe working extra hours wasn’t so bad after all.

[just--another--daydreamer]

Jealousy

Izuku Midoriya x male reader

» Fandom: My hero academia » Genre: idk it’s a lil angsty » Requested (by anon): This one could be cute Izuku Midoriya X Male Reader HCs How does Izuku act when he's jealous? » Warnings: overthinking » Author's Note: the request said “cute” but my brain said nope... this turned out very different from my original plan idk. it’s also kinda long

Headcanon/scenario suggestions are open

You can find a link to my Masterlist in my bio

Izuku doesn’t easily get jealous over things he can’t change. For all his life, he had been surrounded by people with powerful quirks and instead of being jealous, he admired and studied them to become stronger

But when it comes to things that he can change; he can’t stop the feeling of envy slowly consuming him

So that’s exactly what happened when he saw you hanging out with Iida and Uraraka more and more

At first, he didn’t think much of it. You were all in the same friend group, and why the hell should Izuku mind his boyfriend hanging out with friends? There was no reason to be jealous

That, however, changed quickly when you cancelled your plans to go out into the city with Izuku

“Oh, that’s okay,” Izuku told you. “May I ask why you’re cancelling last minute?”

You hesitated. A little too long, until the point where it was suspicious. “I have plans with Iida and Uraraka instead.”

As soon as you were out of sight, Izuku began to doubt himself and overthink. Why did you hesitate to tell him? Why did you cancel your plans with him to go out with Iida and Uraraka instead? The four of you could have gone out together, so you clearly didn’t want him with you, right? Was it something he did or said? Maybe you didn’t like him anymore? Maybe-

Izuku knew a way or two to stop himself from getting consumed by his thoughts. Usually he would work out or do his homework, but this time, neither of them helped clear his mind. He kept spiralling down and down and down, and there seemed to be no end

He thought about texting you or calling you to ask if something was wrong. So many drafts of long messages were typed out and deleted again, before Izuku figured that he should talk to you in person

Iida, Uraraka and you came back late. A few of the other students had already gone to their rooms to sleep so the common area was fairly empty. Izuku was sitting on one of the couches, impatiently waiting while fidgeting with the zipper of his jacket. At first, he had tried following the others’ conversations, but soon their voices blended into one, making it impossible for Izuku to follow any of them. He was once again left with his thoughts

So, when you finally came through the main entrance, yawning in exhaustion from your long day at school and in the city, Izuku was a shaking mess

He watched as you said goodnight too Iida and Uraraka before you spotted him on the couch

You walked towards him and Izuku decided to meet you halfway, forcing himself to not look too nervous

“Do you want to eat dinner together?” Izuku asked and forced a smile. “Oh sorry, Izuku, but I had dinner in the city.”

“That’s alright.” He felt his heart drop. Ever since you had moved into the dorms, it was your tradition to eat dinner together

“It’s sweet that you waited though,” you told him. “Hey, how about you get some dinner and eat it in my room while I do my homework for tomorrow? If you sneak in quickly, Iida won’t see you and yell at you about food in the dorms.”

Before Izuku could stop himself, he agreed. Though, that sounded like a good time to talk to you about everything so maybe it wasn’t too bad after all

He ended up sitting on your bed, quietly eating his dinner while you sat at your desk doing your homework. Still not sure about how to bring up the topic, Izuku got lost in his thoughts and blocked you every time you tried starting a conversation

“Izuku, is something wrong?” He looked up and watched you as you sat down on the bed next to him. “You’ve been quiet. Did something happen?”

“Oh, it’s just…” Izuku could feel his cheeks redden and sighed to loosen up a little. “It’s just that I was kind of disappointed when you went out today with Iida and Uraraka and didn’t take me with you… It probably sounds silly, I’m sorry.” He turned his face away from you

“Wait, Izuku… Are you jealous?” – “Me? Jealous? No way! I mean – yeah.”

For a split second, he let himself take a glimpse at your face and he saw a sympathetic yet amused smile

“Izuku, I would’ve loved having you with us in the city today, but that would’ve spoiled the surprise.” – “Surprise?” – “Yeah. Because someone’s birthday is coming up.”

“Someone’s birthday,” Izuku mumbled. Who could that be? Maybe Todoro-

“Oh.” Izuku was sure that his face was as red as a tomato by now, so he hid behind his hands. “This is so embarrassing, Y/N, please forgive me!” he squealed as you laughed

“We were planning a surprise party for you but now that I’ve spoiled the surprise, can you at least act surprised on your birthday?”

Izuku nodded frantically

“This is so embarrassing; I was so worried!”

He heard your soft laugh again. “It’s cute that you were jealous, though.”

[helenazbmrskai]

title ‹ Christmas bribery ›

pairing ‹ soldier!seokjin x oc ›

genre ‹ Christmas/holiday au, strangers to lovers, fluff, angst but barely there ›

summary ‹ This is the first time you can’t go home and celebrate Christmas with your family so your mom makes sure you don’t spend the holidays alone happy to learn that Seokjin, your mother’s best friend’s son is taking his annual leave near the 22nd of December from Military services. This story is about the biggest Christmas bribery of the century. ›

warnings ‹ swear words here and there, bad puns? ›

word count ‹ 6.2k ›

notes. I’m here to deliver a light read to set the mood for the holidays and I hope all of you will enjoy it as much as I enjoyed the process of writing it. In this Christmas collab, I had the chance to meet with these amazing people so I’m sharing this story as a gift and as a thank you!

this is part of the Christmas fic collab that was suggested by @kooala​ please check out the masterpost and enjoy every story we share! 

”You did what?!” I feel dizzy due to the sudden movement of my body jerking up in a sitting position, crisscrossing my legs under me as my hand holds up the phone to my right ear a little bit more pressingly after hearing the breaking news. That she tells me with a singing tone sounding so excited but I can’t seem to share her sentiments as the bewilderment decorating my voice is in sharp contrast with the silence that settled on the cosy apartment like a thick feather-filled duvet. Nibbling on my thin lips I locate the single gingerbread scented candle on my desk still illuminating the interior of my messy bedroom the flames licking up the walls and disappearing near the ceiling, creating pretty shapes and lights over the dull paint, it helps me regain my composure before I realise that mom is not yet finished talking.

”Well he needed a place to stay and busses won’t go out because of the upcoming storm his apartment is in Daegu and I’m sure he’ll be tired from the flight.” Flicking on the lights I take in the sight, clothes piled up on the chair’s armrest whilst dirty plates littering every usable surface, fuck, if my room looks like a pigsty I don’t want to imagine how the other rooms are looking right now.

I was so immersed in doing great on my finals that I don’t think I cleaned the space up for a while.

I should start doing my laundry so I have something to wear as I already look to be out of clean t-shirts inspecting the pile of unwashed jeans and other garments, momentarily embarrassed to see I’m also out of room to place new dirty clothes on top of all these.

”What are you implying mother?” Pursing my lips, I honestly start to lose her train of thoughts as her rant goes on and my eyes wander over the state my apartment is in after stressful weeks but knowing her ways she’ll start with building on my conscience until she realises that I’m no longer an unsuspecting five-year-old girl and she’ll pull out the big guns and dust off her bribing skills.

Whatever her plan is, she always makes me go accordingly no matter how much I try to resist or protest and I feel a knot form in my throat at that. If this is about my non-existent dating life again that she called me to discuss in the dread of the night, I swear I’m gonna flip a table or something.

”You remember Sunha’s eldest son?” Answering back with a question as she often likes to do, doesn’t throw me off balance as it used to.

I’m long ago accustomed to getting her ways to twist the conversation to her favour so I’m ready to fire back my reply in the same form matching her up. ”How is your best friend’s son has to do with any of this?” Utterly confused by the mention, that must lace my tone since she lets a lightsome laugh bubble up in her chest I can picture her dimples are showing in full display because of it.

”Did you even pay attention to a word I said?” She sounds more amused than accusing, letting me know that she actually doesn’t mind how my head gets airy sometimes, her playfulness earns a groan from my side of the line, it’s getting pretty late and I have not enough brain cells left for her mind games.

”Spit it out, mom. You know I love you but I had a rough week so spare me of your wicked schemes.” I breathe out the words orbs closing involuntarily as I rest my head against the door frame. Where was I going anyway?

Maybe I should go for a hot chocolate before bed.

It’ll be weird not seeing my family for the holidays but I don’t want my mom to worry about me so I made sure to be extra cheerful all the time when she called only ignored her attempts of reaching me like one or two times as I had to study for two last exams and now that I can finally relax the exhaustion seems to catch up to me. I’m fine being on my own, making food and seasonal sweets while I watch tv without any interruptions, sounds like an excellent plan for Christmas, not caring how loud my music is or how bad my singing voice is under the shower.

No family means sweet alone time awaits, no one will tell me to go to sleep and I didn’t need to worry what kind of a present I should purchase at least for a little while.

”Do you remember Seokjin or not Y/N? This conversation will last longer if you don’t cooperate with me.” I can practically see her eye roll directed at me in front of my eyes despite she’s twenty miles away from here, wishful thinking on my part that she’ll let this conversation go if I ask her to stop beating around the bush.

”I don’t know. Maybe?” A fragment of my memory is triggered by hearing his name, and a scenario appears out of nowhere that was a few years ago in Sunha’s second marriage ceremony as I stand in a pastel lavender dress.

Mother was otherworldly happy for Sunha that day she dragged me with her as she chatted away mixing with the guests until we settled down to our table - when the cake cutting took place - that consisted of the bride and groom themselves and close family members like Sunha’s sons and his significant other’s daughter and, of course, my mother and I was present too.

I remember sitting down and just looking ahead aimlessly when I locked gazes with a handsome man his posture was immaculate and he seemed happy for his mother but couldn’t hide how restlessly he fidgetted in his seat, his eyes couldn’t settle watching only one thing, he even looked skittish as he jumped in his seat when the girl sitting on his left tried to catch his attention. Our eye contact lasted less than five seconds and his presence remained for thirty minutes at most as he apologised to her mother and everyone at the table since he had some urgent affairs to attend to.

I probably looked shocked for the reason that mom whispered the words into my ear when he left so suddenly to make sense of things. ”That’s Jin, her eldest son he serves in the army he probably couldn’t get a full day off because of his duties.” After humming in an understanding gesture I fixed my gaze onto the cake slice in front of me.

I remember that man clearly but with purpose, I don’t elaborate further than that, so she doesn’t have the compromitting piece of information to latch onto and make it a bigger issue. She would be elated to know I do remember Kim Seokjin, well, he’s hard to forget in the first place, he smiled only once as his mother hugged him at the table and even if it lasted for less than a second the expression was captivating. Howbeit if she tells me that she organised a date with him I’m going to slam my head to the closest hard surface I can tell. He’s so out of league and dating someone with such a dangerous profession at that, it’s not going to work, doesn’t matter how much I find him attractive and charming.

”It doesn’t matter I guess. You two could get to know each other eventually as he’ll stay at your apartment.” She drops the bomb before disconnecting the call, she doesn’t even wait for my protests this time around. A groan leaves my lips while I look around the house promptly throwing my phone to land on my bed in the means of letting out some of my frustration. I need to get going and make this house presentable again, that hot chocolate needs to wait I guess.

 from: unknown number

[7.22 AM] Hi it’s Seokjin. My plane will take off at 9ish can you send me your address?

 Grabbing my phone from the kitchen counter I open the message from the unknown number the device almost slips through my fingertips as I rake my eyes over the content hesitant about how to reply I turn to my friend who so generously offered her help to tidy up my living space a little before my unrequested guest arrives. With a broom in her hand, she looks back at my weird facial expression.

”What is it? It’s him?” Gaun asks abandoning her cleaning tools to read the message as well peaking over my shoulder in order to do that. ”He sounds so uptight even in text. Brr.” She shakes her shoulders in simple displeasure that earns an eye roll from me, it’s not that he’ll send hearts when our encounter was years ago for like five seconds. Honestly, I’m surprised that mom and Sunha were able to talk him into this in the first place.

”He’s a soldier Gaun and on the contrary, we don’t know each other he has no reason to be friendly.” Gnawing on my lower lip I click on the message to reply, typing a few lines before I deleted it and rewrote it before hitting send.

 [7.34 AM] Hey of course. Call me if you don’t find your way.

[7.34 AM] *google map link attached*

 from: Seokjin

[7.35 AM] I will thank you

 ”Let’s hurry up we don’t have that much time.” I place the phone back on the counter resuming my cleaning and Gaun starts to swipe the floor where she left off all the while I can hear the washing machine work in the distance.

 I could feel my heartbeat in the pit of my stomach when the doorbell finally rang and at the other side of the door, there’s Kim Seokjin in all of his glory, that handsome soldier I got a sneak peek at his mother’s wedding wearing a formal suit and tie combo that he pulled of so nicely. I wipe my hands with a towel leaving the leftover plates in the sink as I rush to open the door for him.

”Hi.” I greet him with a friendly smile plastered on my face, I have to tilt my chin upwards to meet his eyes, he’s even taller than I remembered and he’s wearing his military uniform. My hold on the doorknob tightens how unfairly handsome he is with his hair parted in both sides leaving his forehead uncovered his uniform is well fitted and compliments the curves of his waist and thighs the cherry on top is his platform jet black boots that matches with the colour of his hair that I love so much.

A well trained German Sheppard sits near his foot with his tongue out as soon as I crouch down to pet him so focused on the animal that I almost don’t catch Seokjin’s timid ’hello’ in return, the dog’s tail starts to wag furiously seeing my face at his eye level he throws me off balance as he marches forward for more pets.

”I’m sorry he’s not normally like this.” The handsome boy offers a hand to help me up with a sheepish look, I accept the extended hand with a faint blush ignoring the pain that shoots up to my ass because of the impact with the floor. His hand is bigger than mine as it gets fully enveloped in his warm ones.

”Mom didn’t tell me you have a dog,” I chuckle lightly as I pet the dog’s head one last time unsure what to do with my hand that he no longer holds. ”I mean, she didn’t tell me much just told me you’ll come today.” His unique laugh sounded nice ringing in my ears, it made me smile up at him as he playfully shook his head. It’s weird how relaxed I feel around his presence when I was shaking with nerves just moments prior, and I’m still not entirely comfortable with him but his whole aura has a calming effect on my body. I don’t think I’ve ever met with someone that makes me feel so at ease when it’s basically our first meeting.

”Yeah, well, I think we both got played by our mothers.” I have to agree on that one with him. Realising that we’re still standing in front of my entrance I beckon him to come inside stepping out of the way so he could easily slide his luggage beside him his dog’s paws leave imprints on the clean floor but I don’t mind it as he looks so excited about everything inside sniffing and exploring while Jin tries to make him behave scratching his neck when his dog doesn’t seem to listen to a single word.

”Sorry he’s making a mess.” Seokjin apologises seeing the muddy paw marks after connecting our eyes for a few seconds he follows the steps into the kitchen. ”No Cookie that’s not food for you.” The young soldier immediately runs after his companion when he tries to steal the cinnamon rolls from the kitchen counter and I can’t help but laugh at the sight as he scolds the dog.

This is going to be an interesting holiday season I can already tell.

 ”I can’t believe this fucking jar.” I contemplate to smash it against the counter after spouting several curse words when a hand landed on mine directly on the jar’s lid, I feel Cookie’s fur brush against my exposed leg having enough evidence to know who’s this arm belongs to and I turn around in a moment of weakness. Jin’s hair rests on the top of his head in a messy style sweat dampening the ends.

”Need some help?” His eyes hold a childlike glow in them as he brushes his fingers against mine replacing my digits with his and the lid pops easily in his hands.

I can’t say this display of physical strength doesn’t make him even more attractive in my eyes I barely pay attention to the fact that he stands so close I can feel his chest meet mine as we breathe handing back the opened strawberry jam.

”Thanks.” I hastily turn to avoid his gaze even though that doesn’t offer much advantage as he leans closer pushing his chest against the line of my back watching as my hands spread the jam over the walnut biscuits.

”Want a taste?” Feeling bolder than usual I face him again holding up a finished treat to his mouth, Jin makes a surprised sound in the back of his throat but parts his lips obediently letting me slip the food between his teeth.

”I’ll leave as a stuffed chicken if you keep feeding me these delicious treats.” Despite the indication, he doesn’t seem against the food I offer as he tries to steal one more from the plate but I pull his hand away curling my fingers around his wrist.

”Let me finish before you devour my hard work you pig.” I roll my eyes watching his childlike antics, he seems to take pleasure in riling me up from time to time. It’s been two days since he and his companion Cookie arrived and things just worked out smoothly Jin is a nice person with horrendous jokes but he does help out a lot around the apartment he even fixed my broken ladder so we can decorate the Christmas tree that he insisted we need to purchase when I told him I was not going to go all out and celebrate this year. After all, I was supposed to be here on my own.

He’s so used to training at headquarters that he leaves every morning to run for an hour before he comes back all sweaty and satisfied finding me eating my breakfast or drinking my coffee it doesn’t matter what’s in my hands he always needs to get the last bites from it. He’s really not good for my heart.

”Since you’re doing the sweets how about I make us lunch today?” Jin asks excitedly resting his head on top of mine gently careful not to put too much weight on me, my heart speeds up at the sweet gesture not trusting my words so I nod instead. One of these days I can’t wrap my head around his intentions, he looks so nonchalant as he does things like resting his head on me or patting my knee when we watch tv together with Cookie curled around us on the couch.

”I can’t work like this.” I use the excuse to separate our bodies, is it just me or the kitchen is getting hotter by every passing second, or it’s just my cheeks heating up due to his body moulding perfectly with mine. It doesn’t help either that I remember he’s sweaty under his shirt after his daily exercise smelling nice when he probably shouldn’t have. I busy my hands to glue the biscuits together with the jam moving slightly to the side a little further from Jin’s warm body, he doesn’t say anything else as he decides to leave the kitchen Cookie stays for the sake of finishing his meal before going on a quest to find his owner leaving me behind with my thoughts.

I wrap things up quickly after that, placing the treats in the middle so Cookie can’t reach it and clean up the jam stains before retreating to my room.

It’s a pleasant surprise to check my phone and see that my mom tried to reach me an hour ago, she’s up uncharacteristically early. Too curious to find out what she wants I dial her number without a second thought, it’s been three days that she called and that time she told me Jin will stay at my place until he has to go back to the army. Whenever I think about that a frown seems to climb its way up to my expression I got used to seeing him around the house that I tend to forget he won’t be around when the new year comes and it’s scary to think about how attached I feel to him or rather how lonely I’ll feel once this is all over. He’s a busy man in general and serving under the Military’s name means he can’t be here when I need him, it would be as painful in the long run as a long-distance relationship would be. Not that I assume he’s interested in me that way.

”Hey mom sorry I didn’t hear your call. Is everything alright?” I press my phone to my left ear, closing the door behind with the help of my foot before sitting down at the edge of my bed. Seokjin’s low hum and the sound of pots and pans indicate that he started soon after I left the kitchen, it’s early to start lunch already but Jin is always restless like that.

He needs to find things to do or fix because he gets bored easily, he told me that when I picked up on his punctuality that he always has to move like a clockwork at the base he developed a habit of making use of himself and he needs to constantly do things to keep his restless energy at bay so he can sleep well at night.

He wakes up exactly at six in the morning every day even without setting up his alarm. I think it’s endearing when he thumps his foot absentmindedly even if he’s watching a movie he’s interested in, legs spread wide in a comfortable position on the sofa, his body just never relaxes completely.

”Yes dear I called early to say Merry Christmas to my baby!” I giggle in response hearing her excitement conveyed through her voice. ”I hope you enjoy your Christmas present.” Her tone turned suggestive and my laughter died down, heat rose to my cheeks and my thoughts spiralled to Seokjin’s direction.

”What’s that supposed to mean?” I glance at the door listening for the noises to make sure Jin can’t hear my flustered tone, he’s still in the kitchen and that helps me relax a little until my mom’s knowing hum filled the silence in the conversation.

”Are you getting on well with Jin right? He’s a real sweetheart so treat him nice ok?” Can’t help but all the more agree with her, he’s very considerate and funny, I think he’s the one who’s treating me nice even though I supposed to be the host, he helps out a lot and good company to be around. He sometimes misplaces my things like moving plates to a higher shelf when he knows I can’t reach it there without his help and he cracks terrible jokes that I secretly like very much and Cookie is the apple of my eye already, I think he listens to me more than he listens to Jin at this point (there might be a tiny connection that I often give him special treats during his owner's absence) and I found it hilarious as he sulks on the couch calling his dog a ’traitor’ when he decides to rest his head on my lap instead of Seokjin’s.

Little things like that make me like Seokjin more and more with each passing day.

”I’m treating him just fine mom he said he gained weight since his arrival blaming it on me, don’t worry and enjoy the holidays with dad, after all, it’s the first time that you two could celebrate with just him after so long.”

”Will do darling. I hope you’ll have a wonderful time as well I know that finals were stressing you out so I hope that you are able to relax now.” We deemed the conversation finished after wishing each other happy holidays again and for once I feel like I can mean my words as I feel relaxed around a certain someone.

”Want to place the star on top?” Jin shoved the decoration piece in front of my face whilst I placed food on the coffee table to feast upon as we watch classic Christmas movies until we can’t keep our eyes open since it’s the first day of Christmas.

”I’m not stepping on that ladder you fixed, it looks like a death trap.” Eyeing all the nails and patches on the poor thing.

”If it can hold my weight so can yours.” Jin states the facts, placing the star into my opened palm with a mischievous grin. ”I’ll hold you so don’t be a baby and decorate with me, it’s not as fun doing it alone.” That pout, dangerous and he knows that I can’t possibly say no to that when he asks me so nicely with that adorable full lips of his.

”If I fall I’m dragging you with me, just saying.” I keep our eye contact to get my point across with a meaningless glare, the corners of my lips twitch to morph into a smile hearing his happy chuckles using that moment to turn to the ladder taking the first step up the stair the scent of Jin’s aftershave hit my sensitive nose feeling his hands curve around my hip squeezing my sides to reassure me he’s here to catch me. I can blame my wobbly legs because of the shaky ladder or on my fear of high places but I can’t fool myself that the delicate shake that overpowers my body is because of the excitement I feel as I daydream about his hands on different parts of my body. It feels nice to be held by him.

”Hold on for deer life then.” A fond smile appears on my face hearing him laugh on the pun he just told me, forget my inner turmoil in the meantime placing the star to add the last piece before we declare it’s complete.

I almost can’t mask the look of disappointment I feel when he lets me go once my feet are planted on the ground the star placed on top.

”Told you it’s safe. I’m here to keep you in one piece, sugar.” His hand landing on the top of my head, caressing my hair for the time length of two outdrawn strokes before he lets his fingers fall beside his body to prop around his hips observing the tree with so much excitement that he failed to see my blush due to the pet name that probably just slipped out without any meaning behind it.

”No Cookie it’s not yours love.” I catch him before he can bite a big chunk out of our late night dinner as we’re not paying attention, it created an opportunity for him that he would’ve been foolish to disregard.

”Cheeky pretty thing just like his owner, huh?” It slips out as I pet Cookie’s head kneading the soft short furs around his ears that he knocks our heads together in beaming excitement because of the affection.

”Cookie really likes you Y/N.” The affectionate gaze he looks at me with knocks the air out of my lungs, it sounded like for a split second that he means he likes me too. Wishful thinking I remind myself before looking away clearing my throat to get things started plopping down onto the couch with a big huff leaving my lips.

”I’m starving, get your fat ass over here so we can watch Grinch.” I beam at him acting like his previous comment doesn’t hit hard as I pull my plate closer taking a bite out of the grilled chicken.

”How rude-olf of you!” He fakes his crocodile tears but as his ass hits the fluffy blanket nearly ripping my hot cocoa out of my hands it doesn’t seem like he’s feeling an ounce of hurt over my words. It’s silent for a while as we bash under the Christmas lights our faces illuminated by the tv munching on our food and sweets laid out before us Cookie resting on the rug near our feet.

”It’s been a while since I had such a nice Christmas.” Jin sighs burrowing his face onto my shoulder I can feel his breath fan over my skin the movie is long forgotten as I let his words sink in. Tired to fight the urge I tilt my head to rest it against his the moment appears to be too intimate for strangers let alone friends. ”You smell nice too.” I feel his nose around my neckline turning further into me as he inhales the scent of my hair, maybe it’s because it’s getting late but I let the feelings wash over me.

”Did you drink from my mother’s ’secret Santa’ labelled punch or something? I told you she’s a witch when it comes to alcoholic beverages.” I laugh lightheartedly and Jin follows suit hitting my left thigh when his laugh makes me laugh harder that results in my stomach twisting in pain from all the giggling even so as he starts to tickle me to take his revenge. He manhandles me with ease as he pins my wrists with one hand over my head ticking my torso with the other straddling my hip so he can restrict my squirming under him.

”You’re stronger! That’s not fair Jin.” I whine under his crushing weight, cheeks flushed from the exercise and his close proximity an innocent smile lits up his entire face as he regards me under his form, the Christmas lights are illuminated in his dark orbs creating a pretty image of him. Hair sticking to every questionable direction full lips stretched to house his angelic smile warm radiating from his body so close to mine.

I wish this moment could last forever.

”What are you thinking about?” Tilting his head in question he looks into my eyes with a fierce expression, I gulp not knowing to say the truth or come up with something on the spot. I decided it’s time for the truth.

”That I..” My sentence gets interrupted by Cookie’s barking I haven’t realised that he around the time we were occupied left his spot and watched us with curious eyes. He licked both of our faces as soon as he had the attention and Jin got up from the couch to pet him as Cookie nudged him with his nose to show him his empty bowl.

Maybe it’s a sign that I shouldn’t. Right. What was I thinking? Seokjin is never home he serves the country all the time, married to his work to the extent that he has no time left for himself, he doesn’t have the capacity to form a serious relationship with me and he’s probably not looking for love either.

It’s for the best that we separate after the new year.

 I formed a plan after almost confessing my love for him to avoid any other scenarios like this in the future, to be honest, I hated it but there’s no other way for me to get over him quickly even if my heart told me I should enjoy my little time left with him I choose to ignore his attempts at spending quality time with me.

If he asked for a movie night I told him I was busy or tired I took my meals to my room telling him that I need to pick up my studying schedule for the next semester, I had the most ridiculous reasons and I’m sure he figured me out after the second time I dismissed our plans and I can’t say seeing him hurt over my words and futile attempts at lying doesn’t felt like I was stabbed with a dozen knives into my heart.

I should have stopped myself before I got too deep because now I’m hurting both of us even if he’s only mourning for a lost friend.

A scratching noise interrupted the flow of my thoughts I tiptoe all the way to the door looking around before my eyes land on a restless Cookie. He reminds me so much of his owner but he normally stays with Jin I wonder what is he doing here scratching on my door. Is he out perhaps?

”What’s wrong? You seem sad.” I crouch to his level so I can caress his fur and his tail begin to wag instantly when I pull back Cookie grabs my sleeve with his teeth careful not to hurt me before he pulls me out of my room. I try to regain my footing but he pulls me harder until my door shuts behind my back.

”Cookie. What’s up with you suddenly?” I ask him even if I know there’s no reply to wait for I observe his body language before realisation lit up in my round orbs. ”You want me to follow you somewhere sweetheart?” Hearing that he let go suddenly making me lose my balance and collide with the floor cushioning the hit with my butt just like the first time I met him when he nearly run me over with excitement. He tumps his foot as he walks away hardly leaving enough time to catch up to him. He sits down in front of Seokjin’s door, or precisely the guest room he occupies for a short period I remind myself. My eyes soften after noticing it’s his way of showing that he doesn’t want us to part in bad terms. He’s smart.

I take in a deep breath mulling over if I should talk to Jin but looking at Cookie’s hopeful eyes I can’t possibly turn around and ignore this anymore. Jin deserves a better explanation than just accepting the fact one day I ghosted him.

I raise my hand to knock on his door when I hear his voice, he’s talking to someone over the phone since I didn’t hear the front door opening or closing that would mean we have a guest and I don’t think he would invite someone here without discussing it with me, no matter if we are in speaking terms or not.

”I don’t know what happened. I thought we are good but then the next day she didn’t want to do anything with me. I’m confused.” Is he talking about me? To whom? I know eavesdropping is bad but I can’t make my body pull away from the door as I listen intently. I don’t hear what the person from the other side says only Jin’s answers that I’m able to make out as I press my ear to the smooth surface.

”Of course I tried talking to her mom! What if I said or did something that made her hate me? I don’t want to leave like this, we had so much fun. I don’t want it to end this way.” Jin groaned frustratedly while listening to his mom, hearing his voice so worried and tense talking to his loved one about me that knows me very well, I feel ten times worse for ignoring him without giving him an honest explanation.

”I like her mom, but maybe it’s already too late.”

Retreating to my room in sheer panic when he cuts the line to afraid to be caught to rationalise the words I overheard. He likes me too.

All this time I thought that my feelings are not reciprocated whilst in reality I’m just a big coward, I hid behind the fabricated words that his profession is something that doesn’t sit well with me and he has no time to have a girlfriend, but I never tried asking what he wanted. If he wanted to give us a chance or not.

These thoughts plagued my mind until I fall asleep that night, however, tomorrow will be something different.

”Good morning.” I greet Seokjin as he walks out with only his sweatpants on eyes puffy from sleep, he’s so startled by my voice that he jumps at least five centimetres above the ground and the chuckle I let out witnessing his fright confuses him more.

”Uh, good morning.” He replies, at last, passing my form to pull out a mug probably for his morning coffee but I have his fill in my hand while mine is placed on the counter next to my hip. ”The ghost of Christmas visited you last night or something?” Jin watches my form suspiciously but accepting the steaming cup of coffee with a soft ’thanks’ rolling off of his tongue.

”Something like that. Can we talk?” I meet his gaze shyly picking up on my nervous habit as I nibble on my lower lip his eyes soften up.

”Yeah, let’s sit.” He prompts and I nod following his figure to the dining table where we sit on the opposite sides of it. We drink our beverages in peace for a few minutes before I lick my lips nervously opening my mouth to talk.

”I like having you here Jin. This Christmas with you was wonderful even your bad puns are surprisingly funny.” The man in front of me giggles at that, hearing that I had fun with him dismissed some of his insecurities and he looks more relaxed sitting before me sipping on his drink occasionally, waiting.

”I’m sorry for ignoring you it was very childish of me and you deserve an explanation. If I’m being honest you scare me.” His eyebrows shoot up at the mention and I’m eager to make things clear. I don’t want him to take my words literally. ”Or maybe it’s me. I don’t know. But what I do know is that I like you a lot. It scares me because you’re a soldier and you’re never home and I would be so worried wondering about if you are safe.”

”Even if I say all of that I couldn’t make myself to unlike you because you’re funny bad pun or not, caring and affectionate and too good for this world...I just really like you.”

Shying away from his intense stare I choose to observe the rim of my mug watching the dark liquid swirl in my cup when a finger tapped on my chin to look up. The brightest smile adorned Jin’s face that is so close our noses almost touch.

”I normally hate to say that our moms were right all along but right now I’m just glad that they made us spend this Christmas together.” Seokjin’s forehead knocks against mine as we laugh, nodding subtly to avoid more damage as my smile spreads wider I notice how Jin’s eye keeps looking between my eyes and lips and I can’t wait for him to finally reduce the short distance closing my eyes to fully appreciate his finger caressing my jaw, cupping my face letting our breaths entangle for a short second before I get to taste the coffee on his lips.

[goldenretriever-nicknelson]

New year, Old feels ~ P.P

A/N: It’s officially New Year over here so Happy 2021! I hope it’s amazing for all of you! This was originally meant to be another fic but I repurposed it and here it is, a little new years eve fluff for you all. I wasn’t going to post this but I ended up liking it. 

WC: 2.5k

Warnings: mentions of drinking

Peter watched the snowflakes flitter past his window as the sun hit its peak in the sky. He stretched out his seat and ran his fingers through his curls as he thought about the one person that had been occupying his brain. 

One of his best friends from high school and the girl he had a crush on since freshman year had recently come back for Winter break. It had been a whole year of lost contact since you had moved away for college. Peter had promised he would keep in contact but between Spidey duties and college work piling up he had let you slip from his mind. It didn’t help that he’d also seen you had a new boyfriend and Peter felt the same jealousy he had always felt about you creeping back up. Feelings he would rather have forgotten. 

The last time you had talked exactly one year ago today at the annual New Year’s Eve party you had gotten into a fight because of said jealousy which ended with you storming out before midnight. Peter had planned to finally confess his feelings and kiss you that night but plans change and so do people.

He kept going back to your contact page on his phone or your social media, sometimes he’d even type out a message but he would delete it before he could press send. Nothing seemed right anymore, he was scared that if he tried to say something to you it would be the wrong thing and end up pushing you away even more. 

It got hard, especially over Christmas. All he wanted was to text you or call you and all he thought about was if you were having a good day or not. He wanted to hear that excitement in your voice and how he could always tell if you were smiling even through the phone. The present he had wrapped for you still lay under his bed, catching his eye every so often and breaking his heart even more.

May, Ned and MJ had tried to cheer him up and get him into the festive spirit but the truth was that without you, it wasn’t the same and Peter was sure it never would be. So he was pretty miserable for most of the festive season, he had gotten up the courage to message you merry christmas but he was yet still to get a reply. 

Just as he was looking at the read message on his phone, something hit his window pulling Peter from his spiralling thoughts. Whatever it was disappeared quickly but still made Peter look out his window to see Ned attempting to throw snowballs at his window. 

He gave a small chuckle and threw on his coat and gloves before heading to meet his best friend. 

“You know you can just text me right?” 

“Yeah but this is way more fun.” Ned laughed and threw a snowball directly at Peter who managed to dodge it perfectly much to Ned’s dismay. “That’s cheating.” 

Peter just shrugged and smirked as he made a snowball and aimed at Ned who wasn’t so quick to dodge and ended up with a face full of snow. Peter let out a laugh and ran away as the snowball fight got into full swing.

Ned got in a few good shots but it was Peter who was in the lead. He was just about to deliver the final devastating blow when someone else intercepted it. The snowball hit May right on the cheek. 

“Oh my god, May! I’m so sorry.” The tip of Peter’s ears went pink as his aunt glared over at him before letting out a laugh. 

“It’s fine honey.” May smiled at him, happy to see her nephew finally having fun and smiling. She invited Ned in for some leftover pie and he followed her inside with Peter behind. 

Peter went back up to his room and showed Ned the new spider-man tech he was working on. Keeping focused on Spider-man stuff and being on patrol had served as a good distraction to what was happening inside of his brain. He had hoped after a year, he’d forget about you but all the festivities just reinforced the feelings of longing and missing. 

He was just rambling about the new gadget he was working on when his phone popped up with a notification. His eyes immediately drifted to his phone but after seeing it was only a candy crush notification, they dropped with disappointment. 

“Dude.” Ned gave him a look and Peter knew what he was about to say. “Just tell her.” 

Peter shook his head, feigning ignorance of knowing what Ned was saying and shrugged. “Tell who what?” 

“Tell Y/n you love her. It’s so obvious and she’s only back in town for a few weeks.” Ned sighed and smiled as Peter’s cheeks went bright red. He tried to deny it but he knew it was no use. 

“I-I can’t.” Peter put his head in his hands and sighed deeply. “I can’t ruin things more than I already have.” 

Ned looked at Peter sadly, he’d never quite seen Peter like this. Sure he’d seen Peter broken after a few fights and battles but he’d always gotten back up, this time it just seemed like he didn’t want to. 

“You know what I think you need?” 

Peter looked up at him expectantly and raised his brow. 

“Social interaction.” 

Peter gave Ned a somewhat disgusted and confused look, shaking his head before realising what he was talking about. 

“Nope, definitely not.” 

Despite his words and his adamant attitude not to go, Peter found himself putting on his best shirt and jacket for a party. He’d already had to talk to more people than he usually did and he really wasn’t in the mood for a party especially not a New Year’s Eve one. 

He remembered this time last year as he watched all the couples around him and how he had wanted what they had so badly with someone. He just never realised that the person he wanted to be with was right under his nose the whole time. 

And now he’d screwed everything up for good. He’d be amazed if you ever spoke to him again after the way he’d acted but if there was one thing about Peter, it was that he always held onto hope. 

He walked into the party with Ned, taking a deep breath as he looked around the room. People were already well into the party spirit with drinks and those cheesy glasses and hats that read “2021”. Peter felt someone clap their hand on his shoulder and turned around to see Flash, already tipsy by the smell of his breath. 

“Penis! I didn’t expect you here. I thought you’d still be crying over Y/n and her new boyfriend.” He made some kissy noises before handing Peter a pair of party glasses and stumbling away. Peter’s face burned red with jealousy and anger. 

So that’s why you’d been so distant. Peter wondered for a second if it was the same college guy you’d been seeing and immediately started trying to scan the room for the face he’d seen in the picture. His heart was racing and his whole body felt like bursting with the amount of emotion he was trying to hide. 

Ned tried to distract him, getting him a drink and including him in some drinking games but Peter’s mind stayed distracted. He assumed you’d be here but maybe you had known he’d be coming and wanted to avoid him or maybe you were too busy with your new boyfriend to think about parties. 

Every thought about you only made Peter grow more upset until finally the alcohol started to numb his feelings and thoughts just enough for him to relax more. Peter started to actually enjoy the party and even won a few drinking games. 

He was just about to get another drink when finally he spotted you across the room, sat in the same spot that you both had been last year. Peter’s memories of that night rushed back; the way you looked so pretty even in the dim light of the party and the sadness in your eyes before you stormed out. Most of all he remembered how you’d cheered him up from that miserable night of being single and the laughter you had shared. He wanted all of that again, he wanted you again. 

The first thing Peter noticed was how miserable you seemed. You were staring into your cup as you swirled your straw around in the liquid, deep in thought so it seemed so much so that you didn’t hear or see him approaching. 

Peter fidgeted with his shirt as he took a deep breath before sitting next to you. You looked at him in surprise before quickly going back to stirring your drink absentmindedly. Both of your minds were whirring at twice their speed trying to figure out what to say and how to act to the person who had been your best friend but for the past year had only felt like a stranger. 

“N-nice party.” Peter mumbled, cringing the moment he spoke. You bit back a giggle and nodded slowly before looking at him. He met your gaze and both your cheeks burned red before you both let out a laugh at the awkwardness. 

“I’m sorry, i was trying to think of something to say and-” Peter laughed and blushed as you smiled at him. 

“Definitely a 10 out of 10 for effort.” You giggled and sipped on your drink, looking back out at the party. The laughter died quickly between you and the awkward tension creeped back in. 

Peter followed your gaze and watched as couples danced around the room. He had hoped last year that when new year’s rolled around again he wouldn’t be single. He had thought that college would help him forget you but if anything it only made him miss you more because every time something happened whether it be good or bad, you were the only one he wanted to tell just like you had always been. 

The truth was that he missed you so much it physically hurt him. Sure it had eased for a while and he knew it was his fault but that didn’t stop the pain from the moment he saw you whether through a screen or sitting next to him right now. 

He had seen all the happy memories you’d been having at college and he wished that he could have been a part of them with you or at least had you tell him all about them but it felt like you were just two strangers now. 

“So how’s college been?” You asked idly, a tension in your voice that Peter couldn’t quite place. 

“G-good. Stressful but good.” He nodded and felt the blush start to spread on his cheeks again. You hummed and nodded, fidgeting with the hem of your dress. “How about you?” 

You looked downwards as Peter turned to you, gripping your drink tighter in your hand. “Um it’s been okay.” It might have been a while since Peter had last seen you but he knew you well enough to know when you were lying. 

“Y/n-?” 

“It sucks okay?” You turned to him sharply and Peter saw the water build up in your eyes, threatening to spill. “I hate it. I missed my home, my friends and I missed…. ” You trailed off your sentence, your cheeks turning red under the dim lights of the room. Peter didn’t have to ask but he hoped he knew what you meant. 

He carefully placed his hand over yours and gave a gentle squeeze. “I missed you too.” 

You looked up in surprise and let a tear fall down your cheek which Peter quickly wiped away. Your heart was racing and you could feel your face burning red the more you looked at Peter’s soft expression.

A million questions were whirring in your mind but you chose the one that had been on your mind for a year. “Why didn’t you keep in touch?” 

Peter sighed and looked down at the floor, he’d been dreading that question the most. “I-I saw your instagram. You had this new life, new boyfriend and well I thought that you didn’t need me anymore.” Peter covered up his sniffle with a cough and sipped on his drink. 

“Peter.” You squeezed his hand and rubbed your thumb over his knuckles until Peter finally looked up at you. “I will always need you.” 

Peter’s heart thumped loudly as his whole body lifted with hope. You didn’t hate him. He knew this was his only chance to tell you the thing Ned had been pushing him to tell you all year. The thing he knew he needed to say and it was the alcohol in his system that gave him the courage to do it.

You gave him a soft smile, practically being able to watch the cogs turn in his head which meant he was thinking something through. The words were bubbling in your chest, threatening to spill like word vomit but you bit your tongue. You wanted to tell Peter the real reason you had been miserable and why you were so thankful to see him here again but you were scared. 

“Y/n.” Peter sat up straight and took both of your hands in his, squeezing gently. “I have to tell you something.” 

You looked at him with a smile, covering up how nervous you felt because if it was what you wanted to say too then this really was it. 

The countdown started in the background but all you could see was Peter. The way he had tried to tame his curls with gel, the fancy shirt he always wore to parties and the nervous smile that played on his lips. For Peter all he could see was you and even with his heightened senses the background noise faded. 

“3…2…1... ” 

Peter took a deep breath but before he could speak, you felt the liquid courage in your system and took the first move. You crashed your lips onto his and kissed him. 

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” 

Peter hummed in surprise and his body panicked for a moment before he realised what was happening and cupped your face in his hands as he started to kiss you back. The words that he meant to say died on his tongue but he knew that everything you both felt was being said in that moment as your lips moved in sync with each other’s. 

It was perfect, it was blissful, it was pure heaven. Just like Peter had always imagined. When it finally ended due to much needed air and the interruption of a party popper covering the both of you, you both broke into laughter as you held each other close. 

“I love you Y/n, I always have.” Peter’s warm breath ghosted over your lips as he rested his forehead against yours, a wide smile on his face. 

You smiled back and ran your fingers through his curls, breaking them out of the gel. “I love you too Peter, always.” You giggled before kissing him again and again, finally feeling on top of the world. 

This whole year had been a disaster but having you in his arms was all Peter needed and now there was a whole new year waiting to start over again, for good this time. 

Permanent - @eeyore101247​ @geminiparkers​ @darlingspidey​ @ameelia @calltothemisha​ @parkerpeter24 @rebekkah4766​ @peaches-parker @tom-hlover @parker-hollandx @call-me-baby-gir1​ @cosmicvibecheck @outshineallthestars @theliterarymess @dummiesshort

Peter Parker - @teen--marvel @musicalkeys @spideyspeaches @kickingn-ames @shakespeareanqueer

[i-see-no-whump-up-here]

Whumpmas in July (Day 21): Secret

Ooh, if there’s one trope I love, it’s forbidden relationships. They’re so ripe with angst and whump. Rose has been one of my earliest OC’s. I used to rp her with Batman characters, but she’s grown into a character on her own right. Colby is also relatively new, and he’s a detective who can be too bold for his own good.

CW: forbidden relationship, minor kissing, mild whump, emotional angst, forced to hurt someone

———

Colby tugged Rose into the broom closet and pushed her against the wall. “Hey babe,” He greeted, and then he kissed her. Rose furrowed her brow, and she pushed him back.

“Where did you come from? And why are you dressed up as a janitor?” She demanded.

Colby shrugged. “Work.” Rose scoffed.

“Yeah, ok. Are you trying to get us caught?!”

“I just missed you,” Colby said, and this time she let him kiss her. She squeezed his hand.

“I missed you too,” Rose admitted. She listened for anyone outside. “There’s too many of my father’s men around. I don’t want to get caught.”

“Fine,” Colby rolled his eyes. He wasn’t actually upset. They both knew they’d be toast if anyone discovered she was dating a special agent, but he could pretend. “I’ll catch you later.”

“Yeah. Bye,” Rose said. Colby reached for the door, and then he paused.

“So what business were you doing for him in Chicago?”

“Ha,” Rose huffed. “Cute.” Colby smiled sheepishly.

“I had to try.”

“No work talk,” Rose reminded. “And don’t get caught.”

Colby pouted at her. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t get caught either.” and then he slipped out.

—

“We caught a nark rooting around,” One of father’s enforcers huffed. Rose felt her stomach drop, but she forced her face to remain neutral.

“Oh?” She asked. Her mind flitted through inconspicuous ways to get more attention. “My father must be pissed.”

“Oh he is,” The enforcer whistled. “Some of the guys are working on softening him up so we can weed out what he’s figured out so far. We don’t know who he reports to, either.”

“How did he get in?” Rose asked.

“Posing as janitorial staff. Mr. Cheney wants to fire all of them.”

“Are you sure they knew?” Rose questioned. Colby always pushed his superiors to keep everyone around him safe. He hated the collateral damage that came with their line of work, and he was one of the ones inside of the law.

“I’m pretty sure pennies would be a pay raise over what they normally get, so the cops would be dumb to not bribe the janitors for a way in.”

“Yeah, that’s fair,” Rose forced herself to say. She perked up, as if her phone had buzzed, and she pulled it out of her pocket, checking it. Luckily, she always had an array of notifications on her screen, so she managed to excuse herself. “Ah shit. I forgot an appointment. See you later!”

—

Rose shifted foot to foot in the elevator, praying no one would see her. She held her master key in one hand and her phone in the other. She’d have to delete the log of her unlocking the door immediately after she did it, so she had her back-end console access pulled up already. The doors dinged. They opened.

The hallway wasn’t empty. There were a handful of men on guard, and Rose recognized her father’s personal bodyguard, Gianni. But shit— she was already here, and leaving suddenly would be suspicious. She walked forward, drawing the attention of everyone in the hall. Her legs felt like jelly as she made it to Gianni. He didn’t ask why she was there— bless him.

“He’s in one of his moods again. The nark had bad timing,” Gianni murmured. The door remained cracked open, and Rose heard her father’s angry voice. She worried what was behind it, but she needed to show a reason for being here. Rose slipped inside.

Colby was a bloody mess. Blood streaked down his face from his nose and a cut on his temple. His cheekbone showed the beginning signs of bruising, and his clothes were rumpled and dirty. He sat cuffed in a chair, and the furniture in the room had been pushed to the corners to clear out an area for the man.

Colby’s face morphed with surprise at the sight of his girlfriend, but he tried to cover it up as Roman Cheney turned to look at her. He adjusted the rings on his fingers. “Ah. Dear…”

Rose smelled the alcohol on his breath. He only drank when something major bothered him, and as terrible as this was, she didn’t think Colby could be the sole cause. As her father looked at her expectantly, her brain fumbled for a cause.

“I ran into a cop at the coffee shop last week— just wanted to check if it was the same guy,” She lied. Sort of. She had seen a cop at a coffee shop out of her way, and it was Colby, but no, that wasn’t why she was here. Roman looked between her and Colby.

“Is it?”

“No,” Rose rocked onto the front of her feet and then set back. “Sorry to interrupt.” She stepped back toward the door.

“No, no,” Her father waved his hand flippantly. “I told you I wanted you to get more involved in my affairs. Come! Soften this nobody up.” Rose glanced at Colby warily.

“Um… you know I don’t like to get my hands dirty,” Rose started slowly. Roman brushed the rejection off, already pulling his rings off his fingers. He grabbed Rose’s hands and transferred them to her much smaller fingers. She tried to pull away. “I really don’t want to get—“

“Shh! Blow some steam!” Roman encouraged. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her in front of Colby, and then he stepped back. “Punch him.”

“What?”

“Give him a little punch. You know how,” Roman prodded. Rose fidgeted with the rings. Colby stared up at her. Rose looked over her shoulder at her father, who was waiting patiently. Even in his drunken state, he’d be able to recognize something was amiss. Rose’s arm felt heavier than usual as she lifted it up. She forced herself to steady the slight shake.

Rose punched Colby in the face. The punch was rather weak, and honestly, it probably didn’t hurt him much except for the bulky rings. Colby just glanced up at her. Roman apparently noticed that. “Come on! What do I pay your personal trainer for?!”

“I—“ Rose started an excuse, but then she just punched him again. This time still felt weak. Roman grumbled and took hold of Rose’s closed fist. She tried to cover up. “I just haven’t punched anyone for real before. I’m overthinking it.”

Roman hummed in thought and looked around the room. He brightened with an idea. Rose watched him move toward a dismantled cubicle, and she managed a mouthed ‘I’m sorry.’ to Colby. He shook his head. They needed to keep their cover.

Roman got to the desk and grabbed the keyboard drawer. He tugged on it, and after some jiggling, he actually broke the whole thing off of the desk. He dumped the office supplies out as he walked back to Rose and presented it to her. “Here! Just swing and commit to it. It’ll feel easier.”

Rose stared at him. She couldn’t hit Colby with this. Even at a low speed, the particle board could hurt him. She tentatively took the drawer in her hands, turning it over to display the flat side. Roman still waited for her to hit him, appearing genuinely entertained by today’s violence. She knew he wasn’t letting her get out of this.

Rose lifted her hands a bit higher and shakily pulled the drawer back. Colby shut his eyes and turned his face away in anticipation. Rose swung the drawer as hard as she could.

The cheap building material burst upon hitting his face, splitting in half. Colby yelled in pain.The far half clattered onto the floor a second later, and Rose clutched her half far too tightly. Colby’s cheek flared red from the impact. Rose wanted to be sick. She wanted to touch Colby’s face and nurse the bruises better, as she’d done so many times before, under the secret of anonymity and shady meeting spots. She wanted to kiss it better.

“See? Wasn’t that better?” Roman demanded, and he took the half out of Rose’s grip. He used it to backhand Colby, and a fresh stream of blood soon leaked from his nose. Roman tossed the debris aside and clapped his hand down on his daughter’s shoulder. “Atta girl. Now, why don’t you run along? Go get a manicure for these soft hands. It’s on me.”

Roman lifted Rose’s hands to his face and kissed them before taking his rings back from her. “This young rascal and I here still have some business to attend to. In fact, he still hasn’t told me his name. Can you believe that?! I’ll just keep asking.”

The captured man’s name pressed against Rose’s lips, but she knew to keep it in. Colby.

[i-need-air]

Meeting small Hawks.

Pairing: Hawks x Reader.

Summary: HCs about what would happen if you're sent in the past (thanks to a villain quirk) with Hawks and meet tiny Hawks.

Notes: Love the "Their kid came from the future because of this quirk thingy and now they meet their daddas" so I thought what would it be if we reversed it. Hope you enjoy! ♥

× you coincidentally ran into each other (which happened often) when you were both patrolling

× he's always so smug and flirty with you but today he was extra about it

× like holy shit this man knows how to compliment but whatever, no big deal

× the thing is you're just at the point where you kinda lowkey are realizing you have feelings for this smug idiot but you're also kinda denying it because Hawks screams trouble, also you don't trust him; does he flirt like this with anyone??? why is he teasing you so much????? he's too hot to be real???????

× he was praising you because you reached Top 20s when someone screamed for help

× a young kid recognized you both and told you that there's a robbery he escaped from, explaining there are some guys at a jewelry store near-by so y'all just rush there

× well you kinda fell behind cuz he's like already in front of the store talking to the masked robbers like they're just chatting about the weather, although he was just negotiating and telling them casually to let the employees and the civilians inside the store out

× so when he sees you tho, he winks at you and in a blink the robbers were on the ground

× so you just alright then fucking show off 😒 because he waited for you to see him be a little shit

× so while everything is settling, you both going inside the store to check on everyone, he twists his head fastly towards you then rushes to your frame, grabbing you while you turn just in time to see another masked robber (seems he was hiding) that was about to touch your shoulder. although Hawks pulled you to him just in time, so he was barely tapped on the cheek instead of you

× and then you see white

× so when you can finally see again around you, a sensation of dizziness running through your body, you notice Hawks hugging you like really, really tight

× also... did the villain teleport you? both of you were in what seemed a random office building or sumthn

× he brushes it off but you can see that he's worried because y'all fucked up man

× he's scolding himself, he should've paid more attention but you were there, existing, so stunning and the way you rolled your eyes at him? gorgeous, like pls do it again he's a simp for u & now he's paying the price for it like boy–

× anywho! he looked around and sent some feathers to just map the place while you were trying to figure out wth was going on

× meanwhile Hawks was just noticing stuff; he knew these halls, he knew that three doors from there, he'd take Hero History class, he knew the floor below them was a training ground, he knew the door just behind them was where he–

× so you were confusion to say at least, looking at the plain white walls, searching for something, anything actually

× doors had signs on them but very vague, like that one door with the letter K on it, the others labeled C1, C2 and C3, everything spotless and dead looking

× "Sorry, dove, hate to interrupt that cute and intense thinking face of yours but we have to bolt" he said, pointing at the cameras

× so y'all just hide, you thinking without purpose but he was actually leading you somewhere, that somewhere being a floor below

× "we've been seen here and we shouldn't be" or more likely this place should have been destroyed years ago he thought but dreaded the thought of the Commission finding another kid like him

× you question where you're going but he just smirks at you

× there's no people anyway but you avoid places where cameras are pointing at so it makes you feel suspish, but you trust #2 Hero's judgment; he was #2 for a reason, right?

× you reach a door with a sign saying Surveillance and you ooooooooh real smooth for a second, big bird brain there

× and he has no difficulty unlocking it with two of his feathers (him winking at you again, show off pt. 2)

× you're basically ordered to look-out mainly cuz he didn't want you to catch a glimpse at the cameras; if the commission was doing this again, it should be Top Secret

× but what he doesn't fucking expect is to see you on the screen, legit full in the middle of the camera view (pls he cries inside why did u guys avoid all the cams–) and a tiny frame approaching you

× mainly same energy as And I OOP– plus moment of realization

× back to you: looking around super-sneaky until you hear a noise and you decide to explore around the corner but when you find nothing you turn around

× "Uhm, who are you?" you hear a tiny voice behind you and you jump in place because holy shit it was so quiet and now someone's there and you almost die of a heart attack

× turning around, ready to fight, you just find a tiny human being

× adorable human being with... weird similar eye-markings like Hawks and tiny, fluffy, adorable red wings

× you die in the spot cuz???????? adorable child cosplaying the guy you like?????????????? wait what? like? uhm bad brain bad

× so you just crouch down to his height and smile at the baby while he looks at you with big confused yellow eyes that are waaaaay too similar to Hawks'; and that freaks you out, did the mf have a love child or something because they're copy-paste

× "Are you my new teacher?" he asked again, small smile on his features and hnnnggg ♥

× but you shake your head, telling him you're just passing by

× he looks a lil disappointed but nods, fidgeting with the Endeavor in his hands, to which you laugh quietly

× "so you're a Hawks fan I see?"

× he blinks at you, golden eyes wide with confusion and he asks "who?" and u OOP–

× the kid knows who Endeavor is or at least has a plushie of him but is cosplaying as Hawks and never heard of him like??? unless??????? you calm yourself and chill because maybe he didn't know who Endeavor is and he thought it was a random toy and the cosplaying you had no actual excuse for but even worse when he just:

× "but I am a big fan of Endeavor, see?" he said, small excitement coming from him, toy still in his hands now raised in front of your vision, smol chubby hands hounding it safely but proudly

× hnnnngggg ♥ ♥

× "what's your name, little angel?" you ask him as you really try to connect the dots here

× "I'm Takami Keigo and I just moved here" he smiled at you so softly "I'm here to become a hero like Endeavor"

× you'd have to search for Hawks now because this was very, very suspicious but for now you just loved the little kid, deciding you wanted one (maybe you should snatch him 👀)

× and talking about your favorite winged hero, he was having a mental breakdown in the Surveillance room, no biggie; he figured it out while looking at the rooms on the screens, specially the training area, and then at his mini-self talking to you

× so he sends some feathers to you to drag you back to him discreetly

× nothing can be discreet with you because as you were telling smol Keigo that he's gonna be the best hero ever and so on, a feather tapped you on the back and you just screech cuz WHO DAT, you turn to see the feather and feel your soul coming back into your body

× but tiny Keigo sees it too and he's thrilled because look look i can do that too! but with smol feathers and your soul just departs from your person yet again

× because that ain't a cosplay

× that is Hawks.

× while you stop functioning as way-too-adorable-baby-Hawks uses his feathers lift the Endeavor toy to your hands, you just take it and stare

× "did you like it?" golden eyes shining proudly at you; hnnnggggg ♥️♥️♥️

× snapping out of it, you compliment him telling him he's the coolest while taking the toy from him and try to catch one of his feathers jokingly, making him do a cute giggle

× and Keigo, this time big boy Keigo is waiting behind the corner because he really doesn't want to be seen by himself? one feather waiting on the key set to delete all video footage, prepared to bolt the shit out of there yet... he was just waiting for something, not even knowing what himself

× yet he knew as you made mini-him (?) (he's still having an existencial crisis) laugh again his heart squeezes, but he doesn't have time to savor it anymore

× "Keigo, where did you go?" a male voice startled the 3 of you and you p a n i c™

× but not as much as big Hawks tho, he sends all his feathers to drag you away instantly

× the last image on smol baby Hawks is him being startled as he tried to reach for you as you were forcefully yanked away, a suited up man appearing, catching a glimpse of you for a second then alarms blowing everywhere

× Hawks had it all planned as he yanked you to his body, rushing towards an opened window, commanding his feather to delete the security footage and going back to him

× and when he jumped, you in his arms, you saw white again

× you both appear in the same location that you vanished from, just in the middle of the jewelry store as cops were walking around, secluding the zone

× Congrats, you gave the cops a frighten; good times 💕

× so you're in his arms (a g a i n but nobody's complaining 👀)

× and he just smiles down at you so tenderly you almost shiver in place, never seeing that face on him before and it makes you feel Things™, he just runs his hand on your shoulder blade as he wraps his wings closer to you two, cops just startled and confused but none of you cared

× you wanted to touch his cheek as you're finally embracing your feelings after what just happened

× you're looking at Takami Keigo

× so you move your hand and something falls out of your embrace, since y'all are high on adrenaline it spooks the f outta both

× looking at your side you see the Endeavor toy, a small, fluffy feather stuck in its small toy belt

× and you panic because yOu basically just fucking stole a toy from a little kid and you're about to tear up and he just looks at you with his brows raised cuz my boy wasn't expecting that

× "Hey, hey, it's okay" he says through a chuckle, stop being so adorable

× but no it's not okay? the smol baby loved Endeavor and you took the toy and you keep calling mini-keigo smol baby and Hawks' heart is playing heavy metal in his chest and he has this goofy stupid adorable smile on his face and

× he leans down to kiss you

× soft, sweet, he breathes you in yet keeps the smile on his lips

× "Mini-me didn't mind, I'm sure" (white lies, white lies)

× but you, all flustered, just panic again because AAAAA and you just give him the toy, telling him you're some years later but it's his to which he sees ✨ ✨ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ✨ ✨ in his mind around you while you ramble and talk and blush and oh god he loves you– wait what.

× "Well, little dove, I think I have some explaining to do" he whispered above your lips, taking in your flushed face (was living for the moment ngl) "How about we talk about it while we grab lunch? Hmm?"

× "I'd like that, Hawks."

× "Oh, when we're alone, you know what to call me." he whispered in your ear then turned to the police officers that just witnessed everything...

× wait, is that a crowd of people outside with their phones out?

× oh fu–

Look at this smol babey! LOOK!

Art is made by the amazing @kadeart, I'm surprised I found out about them just now, they're amazingly talented. Check out all their stuff!

[the-pale-goddess]

WIP Wednesday

Even though it’s Thursday already kfsjfkdj

I’m working on three fics at the moment and it’s a painfully slow process...But I still hope to finish at least one of them before Christmas, and all of them this year (now’s the time to laugh at me...please, indulge yourselves 😂)

Thanks for tagging me, love @terrm9 💕 You motivated my exhausted brain to get its shit together and make a tiny progress with these drafts 😅

1. Noise of The Void

aka The Booty Call Sm*t aka the deleted scene from Frenzy (Through The Glass AU)

Mistakes should be measured by whiskey—the worse the quality, the bigger the sin. You can't just fool about with the finest alcohol like an ignorant lush, drowning your demons in hundreds of dollars. But Ethan could afford the luxury. His demons craved excellence.

He dived into the liquor cabinet with a curse on his lips. His well-stocked deluxe collection of various spirits offered nothing but the superior quality booze—the exact opposite of the alcoholic dishwater needed to endure this misery. Sighing deeply, he fished out the cheapest scotch he could find, and resumed right where he left off at Donahue's.

2. Special Treatment  (Chapter 3 of Through The Glass AU)

Heedless of the ache, Tiffany tried to get up, but a firm grip on her shoulders pinned her down. She opened one eye, fidgeting uncontrollably in what seemed to be a hospital bed. A blinding streak of white light forced her to retreat back to the pitch-dark blur.

The silvery voice echoed in her ears, its reassuringly familiar tone turned her red alert off. „Take it easy, Rookie. You shouldn't get up just yet.”

„Where am I?” She muttered hoarsely.

3. The Addams Family (Chapter 4 of Home With You AU)

„That's your fourth treat this week.” Ethan crossed his arms over the chest, looking askance at NJ.

Nate blinked twice, his chocolate-covered lips smacking loudly.

„Fifth.” The answer was followed by a disarming grin baring his jagged teeth, tiny bits of the bar still glued to them. „It's a special week.”

[yodawgiherd]

Insecurities

>>>Read on AO3<<<

Short main fic (anytime anyplace) reject I found while cleaning up my file. As it doesn't really fit where the story is at, and doesn’t tie into it, I could either delete it or post it here, and I decided for the latter. It's definitely "canon" in the AU tho o_o Hope you'll enjoy it :)

“So, what do you fear? “

From her perch on the dorm bed, Mikasa shot Eren a slight frown, and he shrugged innocently in response. Well, she supposed that he had the right to know, considering that she just woke him in the middle of the night by violently shoving him off the mattress they shared together, screaming. Mikasa sighed. She wasn’t used to this yet, the bed sharing, but she liked it. Most of the time, it helped to keep the nightmares at bay, but tonight was an exception, sadly, and the dream sneaked its way through Eren’s embrace and into her mind. In just those two weeks that they were together, her life felt so much brighter, and she hoped that this little accident won’t push her newfound boyfriend away. Then again, if he survived the failure of their second date, he could most likely handle a night of ruined sleep over her bad dreams.

“Why do you want to know?”, she asked, curious, “Planning on scaring me?”

A smile appeared on Eren’s face, just a small twitch of his lips.

“Of course not, I’d just like to understand you. Whatever is going on in those dreams of yours, it’s an important part of who you are.”

He fell silent, most likely waiting for her to start, but Mikasa wasn’t really feeling like talking. She just woke up from another terrible dream, in the middle of the night, and her brain was still dealing with that unpleasant reality. Instead of voicing her concerns, she bent forward, intertwining fingers with her toes, letting her hair cover her face.

“Look,”, Eren began, seeing her unresponsive, “it’s not hard to guess that your dreams have something to do with your parents, right?”

Honestly speaking, Mikasa didn’t even know why she told him about her past on their first date. Bringing up the tragedy of losing your family to someone you just met was unusual, weird, especially for someone as silent as her, but Eren just made her open up, talking to him was natural in a way she didn’t truly understand. Well, now she had to deal with the consequences. With a sigh, she nodded, just a tiny movement of her head, but he caught it.

“I don’t always have them.”, still not feeling brave enough to meet his inquisitive green gaze, she kept watching her toes, “It just happens from time to time, I can’t help it.”

“I don’t blame you, I have nightmares myself.”

She peeked up at him through the curtain of her hair, curious.

“You do?”

“It's about my dad.”, Eren leaned back in the chair where he retreated after being forcefully evicted form the bed, eyes studying her posture. He reminded her of the therapist she went to, years ago, when Levi tried helping her with those dreams this way. But therapy has no chance of working if the patient doesn’t want to, so after a few sessions of her stubbornly staring at the floor and not opening her mouth once, her brother gave up. Then again, she never had those warm feelings in her chest when she looked at the professional, but Eren made her spine tingle.

“It’s always the same. I’m standing on the ground, in the middle of nowhere, and there’s a plane flying over my head.”, he took a shuddering breath, as the topic was not exactly pleasant, “I know, I just know, that there’s my dad in there. Then suddenly, the plane starts falling, and there’s nothing I can do about it. So, I just stand there, and watch, as it goes down, spiraling until it crashes and explodes. Then I wake up.”

Mikasa didn’t even realize it, but she covered her mouth with one hand during his story, staring.

“That’s terrible, I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t have it that often anymore,”, Eren shrugged appearing indifferent, “I got used to it. Kind of.”

But it was forced, this unnatural calm and Mikasa could see the pain behind his eyes. Dulled, maybe, but still present. If anything, she surely owed him her nightmares, now that he shared his own.

“I don’t really remember much,”, she began, “but I know that’s its always cold, and dark. There’s blood on the floor, and the bodies, but I can’t see their faces. Luckily.”, extending one hand, she closed it, fingers curling inwards, “I’m holding something, and it’s warm against my skin at first, but as I sit there, listening to the quiet, it always gets colder over time, until it’s like ice in my grasp.”, her breathing became agitated, “And I’m scared to trace the thing in my palm because I know what it will be, it’s always the same. It’s my mother’s hand.”, dropping her arm, she redirected her gaze back at her feet, a singular tear falling on the tips of her toes. “I usually wake up then.”

Eren didn’t say a word. Instead, she could hear the shuffling of his clothes as he stood up, and soon after the bed dipped under his weight as he sat down next to her. The arms that wrapped around her body were warm, and she leaned into the hug, closing her eyes as she rested her head on his shoulder. The remnants of the nightmare finally gave up, and their cold fingers disappeared underneath the warmth. It surprised her, but it felt good to share her demons.

“Mikasa?”, he asked, waking her up a bit. She hummed in acknowledgement, not feeling like talking right now. “You told me your secret, I told you mine. It’s good to get that off your chest, no?”

She just hummed again, burrowing deeper into his embrace.

After a few minutes, Eren cleared his throat, making her look up at him. The boyish smile that she liked so much was there again, as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair.

“I was thinking since we aren’t sleeping anymore, maybe we could…. practice?”

It wasn’t hard to guess what he was implying. And while it might look stupid and insensitive, to suggest something like this, it was exactly what Mikasa wanted. There was only so much that talking could achieve, and the feeling of his body against hers, to know that this is real, not the nightmares, that was something they both craved right now.

“Again?”

“Why not?”, I mean, we are still far from perfect and…”

Both to silence him and her laughter, Mikasa climbed into his lap, straddling his waist as she kissed him, aggressively. Maybe there were better ways to spend your night than sleeping. She just had to make sure to watch her teeth, that’s all.

Those downtimes between classes were always the worst. It was bearable when Armin could hang out, but most of the time his friend was unavailable, as his breaks were on different times than Eren’s. Just perfect. Like, what exactly could you achieve in an hour? Eren usually just ended up wandering around the campus, sitting down somewhere to review his notes, or meditating on the futility of life and whatnot.

Today was the first day he found himself in front of the gym, looking at the entrance. Contrary to the masses, he didn’t even come here to work out himself, but rather to meet someone who spends almost all her waking hours here, in her own words. Pushing the door open, he had to admit that the room was in a rather good state. The walls seemed freshly painted, the air inside was kept cool through the ventilation system, and the music was silent enough to offer the beat the gym-goers were most likely looking for. Eyes darting around, he searched for the object of his interest, only to find her in front of the punching bag, going wild at it. Her hands were a blur, the leather was creaking, and Eren couldn’t help but wonder what all those guys from elementary school would say, with the whole “girls can’t fight” shit. Mikasa seemed immersed too and didn’t even notice him, taking a step back to put a few well-placed kicks to the sides of the bag. Satisfied with her performance, she took a break, putting her hands on her hips and breathing deep.

“You could kill a man with your punches.”, Eren stepped in, making her turn on her heel with a surprised expression. He grinned “You do them so fast, it must feel like getting a shot when you hit someone.”

“Eren.”, she shook her head, but she was smiling too, those dumb jokes making her feel giddy, “What are you doing here?”

“You said that you will be here, and I had some time to kill so…”, he shrugged, “can’t I come to see how you work out?”

“I mean, sure, if that’s what you want. It’s just that I was expecting someone else, that’s all.”

“Oh, a secret lover in the gym.”, with a fake expression of anger on his face, Eren scanned the room, working his muscles, “Where is this rascal?”

“Stop that.”, Mikasa poked him in the chest, unable to hold her laughter in anymore, shoulders shaking, “It’s my brother. I usually go out of the campus to his gym today, not here, but he’s got some paperwork in the city, so he said that he’s going to drop by.”

As on cue, another man appeared behind Eren, short and grumpy, looking him up and down.

“Mikasa, who is this guy?”, he arched an eyebrow, disbelief in his voice, “Your new sparring partner?”

“No, no, of course not, this is Eren, he’s my….”, she was nervous, fidgeting a bit, “friend, just friend.”

“Just” friend? Wow, that one stung.

“I see.”, Levi seemed to lost interest in Eren, turning back towards his sister, “Get to the ring, let’s see how much you slacked in your training.”

But while Mikasa was climbing up, a hand bunched up in Eren’s shirt, and the man pulled him down to his height, with unnatural strength, staring right into Eren’s eyes.

“Listen, “just friend”, I want you to know that If I ever hear that you’ve done anything bad to my little sister, I swear to god that you and I will have private sparring, between my fist and your face. And if you ever make her cry,”, he moved even closer, growling the words in Eren’s ear,” I’ll cut your balls off.”

With that, he released him, and followed Mikasa into the ring, as if nothing had happened. Right, Eren thought as he was straightening his clothes, seems like Levi didn’t buy into the friend thing much. Checking his watch, he saw that he still some time, so he leaned against the wall, watching the two siblings fight.

Hours later, when he was done with his classes and picked up Mikasa from the gym, they were walking through the darkened campus hand in hand. The air was clear, the evening quiet, and her hand in his warm, but still, the little friend thing just kept circling inside his mind.

“Mikasa?”, he began, “Can I ask you something?”

She liked the way Eren pronounced her name, how it rolled off his tongue. Her name wasn’t even that hard to say, but in her life, she met a ton of people who tried impressing her by adding that weird -h at the end of the -ka-, or by using the Japanese honorific – Chan in the end. She didn’t like either of those things. Not to mention those smart assholes who called her Gothkasa, because combining your name with your fashion style is soooo smart, right? Not even mentioning the girl who kept asking if she is sad, since all Mikasa wears is black. That one dubbed her Raven. But Eren didn’t do anything like that, he said her name exactly as it was, and she did enjoy the sound of it.

“Sure.”

“Back in the gym, why did you tell your brother that we are just friends. I kind of thought that we are … more … by now.”

“We are! Of course, we are.”, she squeezed his palm a bit tighter, pulling at it to make him stop and turn to face her. “I just never had a boyfriend before, and Levi came out of nowhere,”, she sighed, “I was surprised, and I didn’t want to break it to him like that.”, she looked up, blushing slightly, “Are you mad at me?”

As if he could ever be mad at someone as cute as her, with his red scarf wrapped around her colored cheeks.

“Nah, not mad. Your brother is a scary guy, I understand.”

“True that.”, she sniffed, “he’s the toughest midget you’ll ever meet.”

With Eren still being silent, a bit of suspicion entered her tone.

“Wait, did he tell you something? Eren?”

“Nah, nothing.”, to stop her grey gaze from staring at his face so inquisitively, he brushed the ends of formerly his scarf from her mouth, pulled her closer by the silver cross around her neck and bent down to press a kiss to Mikasa’s lips. “You still owe me one, friend.”, he murmured when they paused, and she pinched his bicep in retaliation, before surrendering to the sensation. They both still had a lot to learn in that area, anyway.

“Tell me a secret.”

“Secret?”, Mikasa half turned in his arms, watching him over a shoulder, “What secret?”

“Something about you, a thing I don’t know.”, Eren grinned, hiding it by burying his face in her hairline, “Something you wouldn’t tell just anyone.”

“Oh?”, a tiny frown appeared between her fine raven eyebrows, “And why should I tell you my secrets, mister?”

He shrugged.

“Think of it as a payment for the friend stuff.”

“I thought you understood!”

“I do, but I still demand satisfaction.”, a hand poked her, under the ribs, “C’mon Miki.”

Mikasa used to hate pet names, despise the way couples called each other as if they were children. But that was before she had Eren, and now she was strongly considering how it would feel like if he called her a kitten. Maybe not so bad after all. Before him, Mikasa never had a pet name in her life, well, if she didn’t count that Levi was usually calling her brat, but she grew to enjoy this little one Eren gave her. It was certain intimacy to it. She was also hyperaware of his touch now, of the arms around her, feeling his fingers through the fabric of the shirt. Sure, he touched her before, and she liked the way his palms roamed up and down her body when they kissed, even the few times he got lost in her and traced her shape all the way down to her ass. Mikasa usually stopped him there, for now, but overall, she was very satisfied with how his touch felt.

“You want to hear a secret.”, she cooed, putting her hands on top of his, both to press him more firmly against her skin, but also to stop him from moving. Eren sometimes tended to be more adventurous than she was comfortable with.

“Pretty please.”

“All right, well I got one.”, it was awkward, but she couldn’t think of anything else right now. So, she took a deep breath. “I used to hate my breasts.”

That silenced him for a moment.

“Your…. breasts?”, he queried, unsure if he heard her right.

“Yes.”

“But why?”

“Because they are useless! Useless weight! I mean…”, she turned around, watching his face for a change. Eren’s cheeks had a slight blush in them, but he met her eyes with a small smile, clearly interested in hearing her explanation. ”I was flat as a board when I was a kid. So, when the puberty started, and things began to…. expand, it bothered me. I know that I’m not big either way, my, uhm, chest, is small compared to other girls, but suddenly, there were two bags of fat on my chest, completely fucking up my balance. Out of nowhere, I was being forced to wear a tight bra just because otherwise my tits would bounce all over the ring when I train.”, she looked down, over the place where her shirt was raised, “I used to bind them you know.”

“For training?”

“No, for everyday life. I didn’t want them.”

“Oh.”, Eren could see that it was a sensitive topic for her, the way she saw her body, and he felt happy that she trusted him enough to share it with him. “Well for what it’s worth,”, Mikasa looked up, and he couldn’t miss that the way those few strands of hair got into her face was downright adorable, “I think that your chest is beautiful.”

She started laughing, on the cheesiness of it all, small simpers escaping her lips, so he kissed her to stop it from blowing into a full-blown explosion, and before either of them realized what was happening, she fell on her back, pulling him right along. With Eren on top of her, his hands roaming all over her sides, mouth sealed against hers, all their long weeks of training were paying off. Comparing the first time they kissed, and the second, third and a lot after that, which usually ended up with either of them laughing, losing breath, or doing something that the other didn’t like, this was much better. She knew now to open her mouth for him when he nipped at her lower lip, and to push her tongue against his, licking into his mouth, not caring how obscene sounds it was making. It felt good for them both, and that was the only thing that mattered. Considering that she was doing her best to remember the things he liked, Mikasa was rather surprised when Eren pulled back, sitting up. Did she bite his bottom lip too hard again?

“Miki…”, he began, before she could ask what was wrong, “Could I….”, suddenly she realized that his hands left her sides, and were now toying with the hem of her shirt. Eren swallowed, obviously not sure how to proceed, although it was rather easy to understand what he wanted to ask. Her face was already red, from all the kissing and stuff, but now the color must have been on par with a tomato.

But why should she deny him? They were taking it slow already, and there’s a difference between taking things slow and not moving forward at all. Just a few seconds back, she was thinking about how good Eren’s touch felt, so why would this be any different? With a mortified expression, that didn’t do justice to how she felt inside, she nodded.

Eren’s eyes went wide when he saw her agree to his proposition, but he wasn’t one to question his good fortune. Yet even with her agreement, he could feel the light uncertainty that covered Mikasa like a blanket, and he wanted that feeling gone. So instead of going right to his prize, he lifted her shirt by just a few inches, bringing her muscled stomach into view.

“I love those.”, he pointed out, tracing the shape of her abs with his fingers. They didn’t even look real, more like a sculpture, made by an ancient Greek master, the way they perfectly stood out beneath the skin. But unlike marble, Mikasa’s skin was warm to the touch.

“Why?”, she frowned down at him, “It’s just muscle.”

“Nah, it’s much more than that.”, willing to see just how much she would let him do, he dipped his head to press a kiss to her firm midriff, loving the way the skin shivered beneath his lips. “It’s proof of your dedication. Show of your strength. It’s admirable and gorgeous at the same time, just like you.”, he murmured in-between gentle nips, making Mikasa’s breath hitch in her throat. She never saw her stomach as beautiful, just useful, but the way Eren genuinely seemed to enjoy spending his time down there, it made her wonder if perhaps her torso is aesthetically pleasing after all.

But he couldn’t just spend the whole night admiring her abs, he was on a mission. With just slightly trembling fingers, he started pulling the hem of her shirt further up, eyes darting between the increasing amount of revealed pale skin and her face, to notice the moment she changes her mind and tells him to stop. But she didn’t. It was mesmerizing, watching her body come from underneath the fabric until the bottom of her chest finally came into view. They were home, relaxing after school, and Mikasa ditched her bra as always, so the shirt he was currently lifting was the only cover. With a last peek to her face, seeing her nod again, Eren held his breath and pulled upwards, with finality. The instinct to cross her hands over her chest hit Mikasa hard, now when it was bare to him, but she held herself back, fisting the bedding instead.

“Holy shit.”, Eren breathed out, running his hand over his face.

“That bad?”, Mikasa could feel the old insecurities knocking at the backdoor in her mind, the same that made her roll those bandages around her breasts, every morning before going out, that made her angry when she felt the extra weight on her chest anytime she breathed. This was a mistake, she shouldn’t have done this. Now he’s going to….

“Bad?”, the word was choked out, as Eren still had trouble controlling his breathing. “Bad?”, he repeated in disbelief, not sure why in the world would she think that, “No, it’s not bad. It’s fucking wonderful.”

“Huh?”, she asked, not sure if she heard him right.

“Whoever told you that you look bad Miki?”, he wanted to get to the bottom of this, even with his brain working on about ten percent of its capacity.

“Well…”, no one told her anything like that, now that she thought about it. Then again, the only people in her life to saw her topless were her mom, her doctor, and now Eren. The only thing the doctor said was that she’s a healthy female, as one can expect from a professional, and if mom ever said anything, Mikasa didn’t remember it. All those doubts were her own.

On top of her, Eren was having the night of his life. Sure, it was the twenty-first century, he saw boobs before, with internet, TV and everything, but it was the first time he got to see a pair live, and there was quite a significant difference. Mikasa’s chest was rather small, but with next to no excess fat on her body, what could a sane person expect? Honestly, Eren didn’t care about that one bit, she was perfect just the way she was. The perky, firm shape, the flawless skin, the darkened area around her nipples, that all combined to make her breasts one of the prettiest things he ever saw. He found himself wanting to touch it, to feel it beneath his fingers, but just as he raised his hand, Eren realized that starting to grope her might not be the nicest thing to do to Mikasa right now. That was until she spoke.

“You can t-touch me.”, she answered his unspoken question, words unsteady, eyes wide and watching his every move.

Carefully, he put one arm down, tracing the shape of her chest with his fingertips, paying special attention to the underside, where he just found out she was ticklish.

“H-Hey! Stop that!”, she squeezed out in-between the giggles, squirming beneath him, but her voice betrayed that she didn’t want him to stop. Continuing in his exploration, Eren worked his way all around the breast, cupping it with his hand and thumbing the nipple lightly. It was amazing, to find something so soft and squishy on Mikasa’s rather toned body, so he gave it a few testing squeezes. In conclusion, it felt pretty damn good. Overcome with a sudden urge, Eren leaned forward, and pressed a kiss to the top, right in the middle of the peak, which in turn made Mikasa gasp and quickly pull her shirt back down. All right, playtime was over, but Eren was immensely satisfied, nevertheless. Her breathing was shaky, a very light frown on her face, as she sat up, pushing the hair from her face.

“Couldn’t help myself.”, Eren reached out, hoping that his sudden show of affection didn’t offend her too much, and was pleasantly surprised when she took his hand, intertwining their fingers. Not too mad then, all good. “But Miki, let me tell you, your chest is god damn perfect. I love it. And my opinion should count for something, after all, I’m a certified FBI.”

That gave her a pause.

“FBI?”

“Female Body Inspector.”

With a tug, he pulled her to himself, and together they tangled back on the bed, mouths once again combining amidst the laughter. And for the first time in her life, Mikasa was glad that puberty changed her the way it did.

[lilywoood]

You’ve got a mail 4/15

Hi guys I’m back, it’s been a long time and I missed y’all, things have been crazy on here so I had to step back, it came to a point where I truly hated writing, I was panicked and anxious every time I tried to get back at it, but it’s been take care of and I’m feeling better, I’m still anxious and trust me I’m super scared of posting that new part today, but I didn’t want to make you wait any longer so I hope you’ll like it and I’m sorry for being away for so long ♥️♥️

Tag list : @cherishingstydia @diazbuckleysworld @translucent-bisexual @impossiblealice @hardychick89 @felicitous-one @justsmilestuffhappens @comablog2 @gxtop @jb-ap-94 @chioink @peroquenotevean @tk-carlosforlifex @nighting-gale17 @fyeahhipsterdoctor @leslilupe @anthony-e-stark-3000 @haderofthesociety @iamonlyaliveformalex @wearelosersyoudumbfuck @serenabuckley @multi-fandom-writing @my-name-i-we

Word count : 1533

Song : Miss Americana & the Heartbreak prince - Taylor Swift

From TK: I don’t know how to be happy, it’s like when Alex left me, when he told me about the other guy, it felt as if he sucked all the good things, all the happiness out of me and now…now I feel like an empty shell, like there is a void that I have to fill…

From Buck: How do you fill it?

From TK: By ruining others people happiness, by breaking, hurting and deceiving them, by giving them reasons to give up on me…

From Buck: Well I’m not giving up and neither should you.

He’d remember his last conversation with Buck, remember how they talked for hours about happiness, about whether they deserved it, should chase it, or just hope for it...

He could feel the icy liquid running through his veins, could feel its poison penetrating every cells, every parts of his body, taking possession of his soul, of his being, he could feel each of his limits, each of his barriers giving way as it gained ground, spreading into his system, taking over his brain, his sense, his mind.

He didn’t try to fight it, didn’t try to snap, to take over, after all what was the point of fighting a battle bound to be lost.

Instead he passively watched how his body slowly started to disobey him, how his head was getting foggier by the minute, how strangers laughs faded in the background...

It took him less than five glasses to notice how he had miserably relapsed, spiraled, failed, it took three glasses for him to get more and more drunk, and four glasses to forget his name, his identity, his essence....

He didn’t really remember the why and how he ended up in such a shady place, he just remembered how he’d laughed shaking softly his head as he recalled that it was there that everything changed.

He couldn’t help but see the irony of the situation, of how the only way he could find comfort, relief and solace was in a shady, overcrowded downtown pub, the exact same he’d swore never to set foot again.

Yet here he was once again on a Thursday night four months later slumped over the bar, not caring one bit about the bikers and drunks laughing and slurring around him, too busy contemplating the bottom of his umpteenth whisky glass, admiring its amber color, anticipating its taste and the disastrous effect one swill of it would have.

His eyes were fixed on the golden liquid in his hand, his glass was almost empty but it didn’t fill the void in his heart no matter how many glasses he drank he couldn’t forget the devastated expression Carlos had when he stepped back, when he choose to let him go...

Memories started to cripple their way through his broken mind, his teary face, tossed hair, the feel of his hands gripping his shoulders tightly and the sound of his hoarded voice begging him to think about it...

-Can we talk about it, he’d pleaded grabbing his hand, please, he croaked.

-There’s nothing much to say, TK answered threading a hand through his hair, just give up already, he fidgeted.

-I have the right to know why TK, he demanded his voice quivering, you forced me out of this relationship, out of your life without giving me a real reason, he pursued fighting his tears, was I not enough.

-Truth is I tried loving you and I couldn’t, he lied turning away, I didn’t feel the same, he added squeezing his eyes shut, I’m sorry but there is nothing else to say, he articulated tears silently running down his cheeks.

His chest was aching, he felt his heart breaking even more, regret and remorse tearing it down, he needed the drinks, he needed to forget, needed to erase Carlos crestfallen expression from his mind, needed to forget how his touch lightened him in fire, how his kisses were like a breath of life, how the way he would scream his name was the most perfect melody he’d ever heard.

He needed to remind himself that he did the right things by letting him go, even if it hurt, even if it felt like some part of his soul had been torn away from him, he had to get over their relationship, however short it was, he had to erase Carlos from his skin, had to chase away the ghosts of his kisses, the memories of his caresses, of his touch, and quench the fiery burn of his love, of his devotion.

That was one of the main reason he found himself sharing filthy kisses in a shabby restroom with a total stranger on a Thursday night, any sane person knew how despair and alcohol weren’t a good mix, but TK wasn’t sane and the constant reminder of his recent break up, added to the far echo of Carlos’ voice in his head didn’t help either, and if accepting to be groped by a smelly drunk biker could make the memories go away so be it, if letting a closeted macho male have his way with him could temporarily erase Carlos from his mind, then to hell with it.

He would let any stranger, any blurry faces kiss him, touch him, caress him, screw him if it could for a brief moment, a mere second delete the one he truly wanted, the one he truly needed, and as he felt the burn of the biker beard against his skin, as he smelled his beer imbibed breath he found himself closing his eyes, clenching his fist in a pathetic attempt to keep himself from comparing them both, from letting his brain trick him into remembering how he was repulsed by the fact that someone else was touching him, how someone else was grunting in his ears, how someone else was ordering him to beg for his release, how someone else’s name was slipping from his lips.

He felt dirty, empty, ashamed even, he never thought in all his 26 years that he’ll one day feel this way, felt as if his core was rotten, corrupted, tainted, ruined beyond repair, he never felt that way, never felt so insignificant, so irredeemable, not even when he was hooked on the pills, it was as if the remaining of his soul, the last piece Alex left, had been destroyed, he was an empty shell, a living carcass, the world wasn’t gray anymore, alcohol and sex didn’t make it technicolor, the combination only darkened everything , it was all black and he needed some light, he needed to feel clean again…

From TK: Did you meant it when you said you won’t give up, please tell me you meant it…

From Buck: Of course I meant it, I’ll be there.

From TK: I…I had a slip up, I drank today for the first time in three months, and I never…I feel like such a failure, a disappointment, I feel so empty.

From Buck: You’re human TK, and with all the crap that happened I would have been surprised if you didn’t… what made you slip up thought?

From TK: I made Him cry, I ruined the only good thing that happened to me.

From Buck: You broke up with Carlos

From TK: Yes but trust me it’s better that way.

From Buck: For who you or him, didn’t you told me he was a good guy, that he understood and knew where you came from.

From TK: of course he’s a good guy, he’s everything Alex has ever been, it’s just…I guess I was afraid.

From Buck: Afraid of what, that he would love you?

From TK: No…I was afraid that one day he would wake up and realize that he could do so much better than me, that I’m a screw up, that I’m too much too handle, Alex left me and I nearly died because of it; I guess that letting Carlos go was the less hurtful option.

From Buck: I see where you’re coming from, but it wasn’t your decision to make, Carlos is a big guy, he knows what’s good for him, and he decided you were it, by leaving him without giving him a proper reason… TK by leaving him like this you became Carlos’ Alex…

He sighed glancing at his phone, he knew Buck’s was right, he knew deep down that he tried to take his revenge on Alex by hurting someone else, but Carlos, sweet and caring Carlos wasn’t responsible of the downfall of his relationship, he’d hurt him on purpose hopping that it would’ve reestablished the world natural balance when instead it hurt and destroyed them both, and as his glanced at his disheveled reflection he couldn’t help but wish, foolishly pray the godly force up there to grant him one more chance, one more try.

From TK: Man, sometime I really want you to be physically there, you’re the only one who get me.

From Buck: Seems like your wish has been granted this time…

[zwritestuff]

Some Things Are Bound To Be (Chapter Three) - Kyara

A/N: Me? Actually updating regularly and not letting the months go by? Who would've thunk. This chapter actually took me a lot of erasing and deleting, and there are some scenes that didn’t make the cut, but I like the end result! Hope you guys do too :D This ended up being 4.5K, so it’s quite a treat. A million thanks to @fromthenorthernskies​ for screaming on the doc beta-ing this chapter!

AO3 Link!

Kyne would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy having lunch with Kiara; it was way too different from sharing a coffee and sweets in Kyne’s office in the middle of the day. Now they weren’t alone, and they had to lower their voices when they wanted to laugh loudly, but it was nice. She always has a good time when she’s with Kiara.

She learns that Kiara’s favorite color is purple, her favorite movie is Beetlejuice and one day she wants to have a pet chameleon so when she dresses it up, it changes its color to the one of the garment. Kyne tells her that’s something a privileged rich kid would say, but it oddly makes sense - and that if she ever does it, she expects to see a picture.

When it’s time to come back to the office, they walk through the streets with their shoulders bumping and their hands brushing ever so slightly, neither of them having the courage to grab the other’s hand. That’s until they cross a particularly busy street, and Kyne wraps her pinky around Kiara’s. To not lose her, she mumbles, not sure if she heard her. Their fingers stay intertwined even when they make the walk to Kyne’s office, closer than they should be in an empty hallway with space to spare. 

They get a few stares, and Kyne feels her free hand twitch. She tries to brush it off and focus on what Kiara is telling her instead. She’s talking about the ball, and how they will go about dress shopping on Friday.

“If you drag me to go shopping before I’ve had a shower, I’m breaking up with you,” Kyne says, coming to a stop in front of the door of her office, letting go of Kiara’s finger. Kyne could swear she saw Kiara look disappointed for a brief moment, but if it happened she doesn’t bring it up. Why would she, anyway?

Kiara laughs shortly, and dismisses it with a wave of her hand. “I’ll pick you up from your place after you get a shower, then we go shopping. That sounds okay?” She asks gently, clasping her hands behind her back. Kyne has noticed she does that a lot when she talks to her. Not that she thinks much about it, or Kiara for that matter.

“Sounds fine to me,” she agrees, smiling with satisfaction. Kiara smiles back, saying she should get back to her office, promising to text her later. Kyne furrows her brow at that, only the slightest bit concerned. “You still haven’t told me how you got my number, y’know. It’s kinda creepy,” she says before Kiara can bid her goodbye.

“If you think about it, I have everyone’s phone numbers at my disposal. Whether I decide to make use of them or not, that’s up to me.” Kiara shrugs, Kyne stares at her for a moment. She hadn’t thought about that.

“You know, sometimes I forget one day you’ll inherit this whole thing,” Kyne comments. It’s not a lie though. She has never met someone as powerful as Kiara that just decided to hang out with her employees instead of all the other powerful people. Sometimes Kyne forgets she could fire her if she got on her nerves, and treats her like she’d treat an old friend. 

It seems to work in her favour, though; her friends always ask her how she had struck a friendship with none other than Kiara, the infamous heir of the company that never cracked a smile. Kyne was always skeptical of that - whenever she hung out with her, Kiara was nothing but a giggling mess, not the stoic person her friends, and everyone else apparently, made her to be.

Perhaps she was the only person with the privilege of being able to make Kiara laugh. She wouldn’t mind that in the slightest.

Kiara just stares at her with an amused smile, and Kyne proceeds to explain herself after a moment. “You steal the cupcakes you bring me and always ask me if I have a spare charger, when you have the money to buy an entire cupcake shop and a thousand chargers if you want to,” she explains with a grin, and Kiara laughs wholeheartedly, the slightest hint of a blush appearing on her cheeks.

She’s decided her new favorite thing is making Kiara laugh, not only because it seems she’s one of the few people able to make her smile, but also because she throws her head back, scrunches up her nose and drops the invisible weight from her shoulders. It suits her a lot better.

“Stolen cupcakes are the best cupcakes,” Kiara jokes with a complicit smile. Kyne chuckles, rolling her eyes. “I gotta go for real now, but have a good rest of your day.” She smiles, waving at her, and Kyne waves back.

“Have a good day, and don’t fire anyone!” She jokingly exclaims, entering in her office.

She’s barely settling down in her chair, wondering when Kiara would text her, when Priyanka, Bo, and Scarlett enter without knocking and Kyne sinks in her chair when they all give her curious looks.

In the grand scheme of things, Kyne hadn’t considered the fact that her friends were all but trying to get her to ask Kiara out and scam her to get her money, only for Kyne to always shut them down by saying they’re just casual friends - they said it so often she swore it wasn’t a joke anymore.

They have questions, questions that Kyne isn’t prepared for answering, because she never really asked Kiara if she could tell her friends that this is fake - though she supposses she can’t, if the conversation they previously had means anything.

“Oh, there’s nothing going on between me and Kiara, you guys are just imagining things!” Scarlett mocks, mimicking her voice. Kyne groans, sinking into her chair and covering her face with her hands. “So you lied to our face this whole time? You bitch,” they complain, folding their arms.

“Normally I don’t agree with Scarlett, except now,” Boa pipes up, “Bitch,” she echoes, and Kyne swears she’ll snap her optic nerve by the strength she rolled her eyes with.

“Would you guys let me explain?” She exclaims in frustration. “There should be a category in the Olympics for jumping into conclusions, you all would excel at it,” Kyne comments, cocking a brow.

Priyanka takes a seat in the free chair on the other side of the desk, looking solemnly at her. “Firstly, you know I would. Second, go right ahead, then. Explain,” Priyanka says, cocking a brow in her direction. Kyne looks at her friends, and they all have the same stern, confused look. Shit.

She bites the inside of her cheek, thinking of something to say that’s convincing enough to appease her friends. She knows lying isn’t good, but if she already messed herself up in a lie of gigantic proportions, what would another little white lie do?

“It’s not like I’m dating Kiara, per se,” she begins, “We’re just getting to know each other.” The skeptical looks don’t vanish from her friends’ faces, and Kyne fidgets with her hands under her desk before dropping the bomb. “And she’s bringing me to a charity ball on Saturday,” she muses, speaking fast enough to make her words almost unintelligible. She purposely leaves out the part about meeting Kiara’s parents, because her brain might be good with numbers, but not with coming up with lies on the spot.

“Excuse me, what?” Bo says, furrowing her brow. “Did you just say she invited you to the Starzy Charity Ball?” She asks, eliciting an over the top gasp from Scarlett and Priyanka. Kyne cocks a brow, is this ball of common knowledge? Maybe they weren’t lying when they said the company could be shutting down and Kyne wouldn’t know.

“When did your hoe ass land a date with Kiara Schatzi and an invitation to the Starzy Ball?” Priyanka inquires, sounding as confused as she looks. Kyne would laugh at their collective reaction if she didn’t feel the slightest bit annoyed.

“I am very charming when I want to, thank you very much,” she replies, matter-of-factly, with a shit-eating grin. 

Scarlett perches themself against the desk, folding their arms with a childish pout. “So you’re telling us you’ll be at a ball full of rich people, and you still won’t consider my magnificent plan of scamming some of them, running away and not work a day of our lives again?” They dramatize, bringing a hand to their chest.

Kyne snorts, quickly laughing along with her friends. Of course Scarlett takes every opportunity they get to talk about their “millionaire plan” as if it was that easy. At this point, Kyne just brushes it off as an in-joke.

They stay at her office a little longer than they should, trying to get all the details out of Kyne, but she keeps her answers short and concise, not giving much away - though there’s not much to say, really, and she’s not particularly good at lying, especially to her friends. Especially to Priyanka. Kyne swears she can smell the bullshit even before it comes out.

She’s surprised when Priyanka seems to believe her; out of the three of them, Kyne suspected she would be the one to pick up on the plot holes in her story. But she has yet to look suspicious, so she tries not to worry about it.

They finally leave her office when they notice the time and that they should be back to work, but they make it very clear that they want every detail possible about the ball, and that she’s not going to escape their query once Sunday arrives.

“How do y’all know I’m not going to be with Kiara on Sunday too?” Kyne challenges playfully, earning a screech from her friends. She has no idea where that came from, and almost right away she regrets it.

“Damn, you had lunch once and you already wanna climb on her?” Scarlett teases, making Kyne blush on the spot. She tries to stammer out an answer, but before she can they’re biding her goodbye and leaving the office.

The door is shut closed again, and Kyne groans, rubbing her eyelids. Well, that didn’t go as bad as planned, but it certainly didn’t go as smoothly as she would’ve wanted. She hopes and prays that the last line doesn’t find it’s way to Kiara’s knowledge.

Speaking of which, she hears the text alert go off in her phone, and when she goes to check, she bites back a smile when she reads it and sees it’s from Kiara.

***

Friday comes before Kyne can even notice it, and when she arrives at work that day, she feels her hands twitch every so often at the thought of going shopping with Kiara once work is over. They had exchanged a few texts here and there over the past two days, agreeing on an hour and talking about their boundaries when it came to money - though that was more Kyne's doing than Kiara’s.

It's one thing to let Kiara buy her a coffee or a cupcake; it's not that big of a deal, and something she can repay easily. But letting Kiara buy her a dress that costs about the same as her rent is a completely different thing, and she made sure to voice her concern to her to avoid any misunderstanding. Kiara had understood, but she said that, in the slight case a dress caught Kyne's eye and it happened to be expensive, it wouldn't bother her to buy it.

If anything, it's the least I can do to thank you, honey, she had texted her, and the pet name had left Kyne speechless for a couple moments. She had no idea how to answer it, so she just left it at that. Though she thinks about it more than she should.

She's chewing on a pen, reading a report they had sent her with a request to calculate the budget for a new hotel the company was building in partnership with some other rich people. Exciting stuff to do on a Friday morning, basically. There's a knock on the door, and she tells whoever it is to come in. She doesn't even need to look up to know it's Kiara.

A cupcake is settled in front of her, and she smiles when she looks up and finds Kiara staring right back at her. 

“Good morning,” she says, sitting in front of her and taking a sip from a Starbucks foam cup. Kyne bids her good morning too, and takes a bite from her cupcake. “Ready for today?” Kiara asks, with a playful gleam in her eyes. Kyne bites the inside of her cheek, fidgeting with her hands.

“I have a feeling that I should be worried,” she comments, chuckling nervously. Kiara laughs shortly, dismissing her with a wave of her hand.

“Don't be, this will be fun! I'm positive about that, it won't be that different from going shopping with a friend or by yourself,” Kiara assures her, but Kyne isn't sure if she should mention that she mostly shops at thrift stores and modifies the clothes she buys by herself, while Kiara probably spends hundreds in one item of clothing.

She keeps her mouth shut, and smiles gently at her instead. "I'll take your word for it, then." Kiara sets the foam cup on the desk, and claps excitedly.

“So, I think we haven't talked about tomorrow, and how we'll get ready together, or if we will get ready together for that matter--”

“Wait, what?” Kyne interrupts her, furrowing her brow. Kiara tells her that she had thought about bringing her to her apartment to do their hair and make-up together before the ball. Kyne plasters a smile on her face, but on the inside, there's a ball of nerves forming in her throat that keeps her from speaking.

It starts to dawn on her that, tomorrow, she'll know yet another face of Kiara at the ball, and she'll have to act accordingly to it. She'll have to hang from her arm like arm candy, talk to people that could buy her entire apartment complex without batting an eye, and actually meet Kiara's parents, whom she had only seen briefly in the hallways and never dared to look in the eye. 

Maybe this was a hell of a bad idea disguised at just being not that bad.

She remains silent for a minute too long, and Kiara senses that something is off; she leans forward, looking at her with a tinge of worriedness, and asks her what's wrong. Everything, Kyne wants to answer, but she doesn't find the courage to vocalize her thoughts — besides, she knows it’s too late to back down, and she doesn’t want to let Kiara down.

So she swallows her fears, clears her throat and tries to lie as best as she can.

“I’m kinda intimidated at the thought of meeting your parents,” she says, which isn’t technically a lie, but it isn’t all of the truth either. Kiara’s expression softens up, and she goes out her way to assure her that meeting her parents won’t be as bad as she thinks, that they’re actually great people. But the only thing that flashes through Kyne’s mind is how fast she will be fired once they fake their break up and her boss is mad at her for breaking his daughter’s heart.

Kiara is talking, she sees her lips moving, but the words don’t reach her ears. Kyne takes a deep breath, and tries to concentrate on what she’s saying.

“Besides, you’re already pretty, it shouldn’t take you too long to get your makeup done, right?” She says, giving her a sly wink. Kyne blinks repeatedly before blushing — well, that’s what she gets for zoning out.

Kyne tries to shut down all the negative thoughts, and gives Kiara a genuine smile. Or as genuine as she can.

“I can try to paint fast, I guess,” she offers, biting the inside of her cheek, hoping Kiara hadn’t noticed she wasn’t paying her attention.

Kiara smiles, the conversation goes on and Kyne tries her best to not let her anxiety eat her up, which is easier said than done.

***

It turns out that going shopping with Kiara is fun, despite the initial awkwardness when she had picked Kyne up and neither knew what to say to break the ice. It oddly felt like a blind date, in which you have no idea how your date even looks like, but that wasn’t exactly their case. So after some moments of uncomfortable silence, Kyne had asked Kiara if she had started How To Get Away With Murder like she promised she would do, and the conversation just flowed naturally.

Kiara takes her to the fancy side of the mall, with stores with prices so expensive Kyne and her friends could never afford, so they took pictures of the garments on display and then commissioned Kyne to recreate them for much cheaper. She drags her through three different stores in the span of an hour, searching all over for something that Kyne likes and agrees on the price of - the later was harder than they had imagined. Kyne doesn’t need her degree in math to know that their concept of cheap isn’t the same.

Their hunt in store number three isn’t successful, even though Kiara insisted she tried on a red mermaid gown on sale that would look beautiful on her - which it did, but it was too tight for Kyne’s liking, and it didn’t come in any other size.

“You know, you could buy me some nice fabric and I could wipe out a whole dress overnight. I did that for my high school prom,” Kyne comments as they’re leaving the store, and Kiara cocks a brow, amused.

“Wait, for real? I didn’t know you could sew,” she says, signaling Kyne to keep walking forward. Their hands brush again, just like on Wednesday after lunch, and Kyne wants to reach for Kiara’s hand and squeeze it tight so she doesn’t lose her in the crowd. But she desists from it.

“Yeah, my Lola taught me new things every time I visited over the summer when I was a kid. She says I came out just like her, because my mom can’t even thread a needle,” she tells her with a giggle, remembering all the summers she spent sitting next to her Lola, watching her sew beautiful garments, rummaging through her sewing room and imagining she was an important designer. 

Kiara snorts, grinning from ear to ear. “Now I kinda want to see what you could come up with if I bought you fancy fabrics,” she tentatively says, hiding her hands in the pockets of her jacket. Kyne wraps her arm around her bicep, pulling out her phone and scrolling through her gallery for a particular photo.

“If I pulled this in one night out from some fabrics I had in my house, I’m pretty sure I can come up with something for tomorrow.” She shows her a photo of her when she was eighteen, after she finished doing her makeup and was getting ready to go to prom with her friends - looking back, there are a ton of things wrong, except the golden floor length dress hugging her frame.

“You look so tiny,” is the first thing Kiara says, and Kyne pinches her arm out of reflex, sarcastically thanking her for the compliment on her dress. “Your dress is stunning, but I guess you already know that.” She gives her a playful smile, suddenly coming to a stop. “You know what? I have a new idea.”

“Oh god, not another one,” Kyne dramatizes, and Kiara pinches her back.

“This one is actually good!” She protests, and Kyne tells her to go ahead. “I need to know if you can sew another dress overnight, though.” Kiara’s tone grows high pitched, and Kyne puts two and two together rather easily, though she’s a bit confused.

“Either you wanna take me up on the fabric offer, or you want me to make you a gown for tomorrow,” Kyne says tentatively, cocking a brow. Doesn’t Kiara already have a dress? And why would she want Kyne to make her one, when she can perfectly buy some fancy dress for herself?

Kiara insists on her question, asking her to just answer with a yes or no, and Kyne says it depends on the design; it’s not something she can do if the design is something massive and opulent, like she probably wants.

She pulls out her phone with a big smile, quickly opening Pinterest and showing Kyne one of her boards. “My mom actually wanted me to get something very extra, but I said ‘mom, I’m an adult now, I can wear whatever I want!’. But in the end, I forgot to buy a dress altogether,” Kiara confesses sheepishly, but Kyne is too concentrated on the board. 

She sees a lot of vibrant colors that would go well in Kiara, and she tries to imagine how long it would take her to create any of those rather intricate designs. Surely more than one day and a half, she thinks - then, one design in particular catches her eye; it’s a floor length dress with a small cut on the left leg, the top half being off the shoulder. It’s fancy enough, easy to make, and it would look great on Kiara.

“I have a royal blue fabric that would go really well with this design,” Kyne comments absent-mindedly, looking back and forth between the photo and Kiara. “It’s expensive fabric though, so I expect nothing short of a royal dress in exchange,” she jokingly says, but Kiara takes it to heart.

“Let's go then, your majesty, we have some shopping to do.” She tugs at her arm to keep walking, with a playful smile on her face. Kyne tries to ignore the fact their arms are still linked, and that Kiara strokes the back of her arm with her thumb ever so slightly.

It takes her two more stores to find a dress that Kyne actually likes and has no complaints about; it’s a deep shade of green, floor length, with a deep cleavage and some delicate embroidery details all over it. Kyne almost rejects it despite absolutely adoring it, all because of the price - Kiara just swipes her credit card before Kyne changes her mind.

The bag feels heavy in her hands, and there’s a tinge of worry in the back of her mind. What if she wastes her and Kiara’s time, and she ends up not liking the dress she makes? She’d be absolutely mortified, not only because she already cost her five hundred dollars, but because she’d hate to let Kiara down.

Her train of thought is interrupted by Kiara asking her if she wants to have ice cream before they leave. Kyne accepts, smiling gently, trying to push her worries to the back of her mind.

***

Admittedly, it's been a long time since Kyne brought anyone outside her friend circle and family to her apartment. It's not as messy as it is most days, and she'd like to think it's cozy enough, with all the pictures scattered around and the potted plants on the windows to make up for the small space. Kiara says something about not knowing she had a green thumb, while she takes off her shoes and leaves them at the entrance, despite Kyne's insistence that it's not really necessary if she doesn't want to.

Having her around feels weird, especially because just a week before all they knew about each other was compressed to the type of coffee they liked and how much they hated corporative meetings. She eases up once Kiara leaves her jacket on the coat rack, loosens up the buttons of her shirt and her hair, flopping onto the couch and asking with a child-like excitement when will they start.

“I need to take your measurements first,” she says, rummaging through her drawers for her measuring tape. Kiara practically jumps off the couch, bouncing with excitement.

“I can't wait to get a custom made dress from Miss Kyne Aguilar herself,” she teases lightheartedly, and Kyne coos.

“Don't get your hopes up,” she deadpans, getting a giggle in response.

Kyne tries to ignore the annoying way her heart beats so fast when Kiara laughs, and she makes her stand very still while she takes her measurements, but she feels Kiara’s eyes following her throughout the whole process. She swallows thickly when she brings the measuring tape up to her hips, writing down her measurements faster than she ever did, trying to ignore the heat creeping up at the back of her neck - though it’s almost impossible to ignore when she places the tape over Kiara’s chest, and now she’s sure her stare is glued on her.

“This should be quick,” Kyne muses, once she’s finished with the measurements, breathing out a sigh of relief when she walks to her cabinet full of her sewing equipment, pulling out basic molds for the top part. 

“You know, if you actually can do this, I’m going to be really impressed,” Kiara says, settling on Kyne’s couch again and tucking her legs under her body. Kyne cocks a brow at her, setting up her things at the coffee table.

“I take payment in cash, not surprise,” she deadpans, eliciting a faux offended yelp from Kiara. She giggles after a moment, spreading out the fabric and fetching for chalk in her pencil case to trace the initial patterns. “It shouldn’t be that hard, y’know? Your design is very standard, I thought you’d want something more, I don’t know, fancy.” She steals a glance at Kiara, who cocks a brow and shifts on the couch, dismissing it with a wave of her hand.

“I’m not a big fan of those big, opulent dresses, honestly. I prefer comfort above everything - ‘sides, I'm pretty sure I'd look like a clown,” Kiara comments, watching with interest as Kyne fumbles with the fabric, making sure it's perfectly symmetrical.

Kyne pauses to meet Kiara's gaze. “I mean, have you seen yourself? You wouldn't look bad even if you wore a sack of potatoes,” she says earnestly, and she's not sure where did the courage to say that came from, but the smile that breaks in Kiara's face makes Kyne's stomach twist again.

“Coming from the woman that can pull off every color under the sun, that's a very high compliment,” Kiara compliments back, causing Kyne to blush slightly and dismiss her with a wave of her hand. 

The next hours pass in a blur of cutting and sewing fabric, making sure she wasn't pinching Kiara with the pins, and Kyne's heart beating so fast it may come out of her ribcage whenever Kiara's laugh echoes through the apartment.

[userarchive]

Unexpected Circumstances Ch 6

*not my gif* Warnings: Language, brief mention of death, brief mention of smut.

You stirred in your sleep, curling against Sonny tighter, wrapping around his body, humming in satisfaction. You felt his lips press against your head as you slowly opened your eyes, a smile braced your face as you reached up, stroking your fingers through his mussed up hair.

“Mornin’ sweetheart.” He looked down at you, that usual goofy grin on his face, you smiled back up at him, ever so happy to be wrapped in his arms.

“Morning.” You murmured, “How’d you sleep?” He leaned down, kissing your lips gently, 

“One helluva lot better with you here,” His nose took the time to snuggle against yours, causing you to quietly giggle, “I’ve missed this Soph…” Sonny started to pepper kisses across your face, causing you to laugh into his neck, trying to push against his tickles as he pulled you tighter against him.

“Sonny!” You managed to exclaim, pushing against him as he rolled you onto your back, that adorable face looking down on you.

“What doll?”  You stared up at him, a goofy smile on your face, god you had missed him so much, you pulled him against you into another kiss, your lips fitting perfectly against each other. Sonny hummed softly against you, his hands tracing the sides of your body, he pulled away from your mouth, trailing his down the side of your neck, biting into your pulse point, sucking at your sensitive skin. You swatted at his chest, pulling his face back to yours, kissing him softly. Carisi pulled up, stroking your face with his hand, thumb smoothly moving across your cheek, eyes full of adoration, “I love you.” He whispered quietly, a smile burst across your face, pulling him back to you for a chaste kiss.

“I love you too.” You murmured against his lips, a smile evident on his. Your lips found each other again, moving more passionately this time. Sonny’s tongue curled its way into your mouth as his hand cupped your core, your hips thrusting against him, begging for more friction. A loud blaring broke you out of the heat of the moment, your phone….fuck…you nipped Sonny’s neck as you pushed him off you, reaching over him to grab the offending device, 

“Montgomery.” You paused for a moment, “Which hospital?” You sighed heavily, “Okay, I’ll be there in 20.” You kissed Sonny deeply, puling him against you as you sat up, his lips smiled against yours. As you pulled away you groaned in realization. “Fuck…”

“What?”  Carisi quirked a brow at you,

“I worked yesterday..,.I can’t go in today in the same clothes, you and I both know how nosy Amanda is.” Sonny chuckled at that, shifting off the bed to dig through the back of his closet.

“Here” He tossed you a dark blue dress shirt, dotted with tiny white polka dots “It’s the smallest I’ve got.”

“Bless you.” You stood on your tip toes to kiss his cheek as you rummaged around finding and pulling on the rest of your clothes quickly. You rushed out of the bedroom, tucking the shirt into your dress pants as you grabbed the files you’d left amongst Sonny’s work stuff, shoving them in your bag. Saying a quick thank you to Sonny as he handed you your shield and gun, you kissed him quickly in the doorway, “I’ll see you later.” As you glanced back for another look you weren’t surprised to find him leant against the doorframe, ever so adorable dopey grin on his face.

***

You’d met Olivia at Mercy to try to talk to the vic while Amanda processed the crime scene with Fin, after various stops around Manhattan the squad had all returned back to the precinct to start going over various cases. You and Amanda were sitting at your desks finishing paper work from a few earlier cases, she’d taken in your appearance when you’d first walked into the squad room alongside Olivia. She noticed that your shirt seemed to be a bit too big…and she could have sworn it looked rather familiar, she also noticed the forming hickey on your neck that you had no idea was even there. You’d noticed her giving you a weird look earlier, she wasn’t dumb, she was a detective after all, you started to piece together a lie in your head as you worked. She smirked, figuring she’d ask you about your Sunday night over lunch.

“Hey, you have the Jackson files?” Amanda asked, as she couldn’t find them amongst her things.

“Yeah.” Your head ducked as you dug through your bag, pulling them out to pass to your partner. She muttered a thanks as she leafed through them.

“These are for the Thompson case…I could’ve sworn I dropped these off to Carisi yesterday.” You felt your body tense as you slowly raised your head from your paper work. 

“Weird… I—“ You were cut off by none other than Carisi himself as he appeared at the side of your desk, dropping the Jackson case files onto it.

“Found these in my stuff Soph, must’a grabbed the wrong ones.” You were 100% sure that your heart literally stopped beating in that moment. You and Sonny had only called each other by your last names around the rest of the squad, keeping your secret, well, exactly that, a secret. You also knew Amanda was quick to flare up, and you knew that there was some weird history between her and Carisi. Amanda’s brows furrowed, looking between the two of you,

“What’s goin’ on here?” She questioned, you could hear the irritability creeping up in her voice.

“Nothing.” You replied almost too quickly, “I was going over the case with Carisi at his office after work, must’ve grabbed the wrong stuff.”

“Really?!” Amanda’s voice started to alert Olivia in her office, “Cause you said you had a dinner to get to last night.” You heard Carisi huff beside you, “And that hickey is certainly telling a different story!” She definitely didn’t miss the lightning fast glare you shot Sonny, confirming that he was in fact the one leaving marks on your skin.

“Amanda…” You tried to trace together the words, your brain stumbling over itself, “It’s not what you’re thinking…”

“You sure?! Cause I’m thinkin’ maybe all that UC work may have rubbed off on you and you jumped into bed with our A.D.A. the first chance you could take advantage!”

“Rollins!” Finally Sonny found his voice, “It’s not like that!” He made a move to get closer to the blonde, causing you to stand from your chair, grabbing his arm to pull him back.

“Really?! Then what’s it like Carisi?!” The three of you were all on your feet and had gained the attention of the entire squad, Olivia moving out of her office to assess the situation.

“Hey!” Her shout pulled your attention out of the escalation, “Anyone want to explain why my detectives are fighting like children?” Amanda was the first to turn to her, gesturing between you and Sonny.

“Did you know these two were sleeping together?” Benson glanced between you, an eyebrow cocked, you dropped your head, running your hands over your face while Carisi fidgeted awkwardly

“Something you need to disclose?” Her Captain mode fully activated, a relationship between a detective and an A.D.A. was tricky, and had potential to even get cases thrown out. 

“No.” Sonny stated simply,

“You sure about that?” Olivia replied, she knew how this worked, and the last thing she wanted was a perp getting away with something because Buchanan was able to use a fling between coworkers to clear a trial. You sighed heavily, gaining eye contact with your Captain.

“We disclosed nine years ago….” That certainly gained the attention of the room, everyone frozen in surprise. You watched as the expression on Benson’s face change as the wheels turned, slowly putting things together from what you’d told her your first day at SVU.

“What?” Amanda couldn’t wrap her brain around what was happening right now, how in the hell did this happen? How had neither of you, both of whom were her partner at one point, and Sonny who she’d known for 7 years had never mentioned anything. 

“Sophie’s my wife….” Carisi quietly mentioned, bringing another round of shock through the room, but it was Fin who called across the room to you.

“You’re no 34B.” You turned to Sonny, brow quirked,

“34B?” His hands shot up in defence,

“I thought you were dead!”

“WHAT?!” It came from Amanda again, the anger that had cut through the air in the room dissipated to confusion and surprise from everyone. Before you could start to explain your history, you could feel Olivia’s gaze on you, so you turned to her first,

“The disclosure should’ve been in my jacket, it’s all there.”

“I never got your jacket…I got the transfer form from Campbell that was it.”

“I bet you did get a jacket labelled Carisi, S  about a year ago that you figured was a double of Sonny’s?” Liv let out a huff, realizing her mistake, nodding to you.

“Okay, wait….” Kat began, “Can we please rewind back to the whole you being dead thing?” You let out a exasperated sigh, leaning against the side of your desk, gearing yourself up.

“I was at Staten Island Vice, they’d caught wind about the sex/drug ring with Alejandro Martinez and wanted to send someone in. I’d been doing UC work with them since I was in the academy, so it was an obvious choice. Problem being that they claimed it needed to be completely legit, not a single hole in my story, not a feather of evidence that would link to me being a cop and absolutely no contact with the outside world.” You took a breath, “They had me delete practically all of my social media, had TARU wipe everything from the internet that they could, and then they said they needed to fake my death.” You spared a glance to Carisi, a world of apologies written in your eyes, he gave you a small smile, you’d already had this conversation with him of course, “The shock was when they told me the date….They said the ring was looking for a new recruit and my only level of entry was that upcoming Saturday…”

“Which happened to be our wedding day…” Sonny cut in at that point, filling in the blank you hated having to admit.

“Oh my god.” Liv knew there was history between you, but had never imagined something as insane as this.

“They were at least kind enough to wait until after the ceremony…” You said that part bitterly, Vice claimed that the more witnesses to your ‘death’ the better, you’d been pissed about it ever since, and were honestly more than happy to be transferred out of the unit.

“That’s cold.” Fin commented,

“Yeah…can’t say the reception was very lively…” Sonny reacted, you reached out, squeezing his elbow in reassurance, 

“I’m sorry…” It was barely above a whisper, meant only for Dominick, you turned to Amanda, “So…yeah…I am sleeping with the A.D.A.” She let out a light laugh at your comment, 

“Hey, I’m…sorry for the way I reacted…that wasn’t cool. Even if it was just a hook up I was outta line.” She apologized softly, you smiled across at her.

“So…we’re good?” Olivia hesitantly asked from her position outside her office, everyone nodded, agreeing that things were okay, “Good. Because our vic’s ready to talk, Rollins, Montgomery, go.” You both nodded, grabbing your coats before you headed out into the streets.

You were happy the air was cleared, and VERY thankful it at least came out after you & Sonny had had a chance to figure things out yourselves. There was still a long road ahead to get back to where you were and you both knew that, but at least this way you weren’t holding any secrets back from your squad. You imagined Amanda was going to grill you for practically every last detail on your drive to Mercy, so you braced yourself. 

[lihikainanea]

The Dangerous Forest Excursion Part 2

Author’s note: I kept very, very quiet about this. I didn’t mention to anyone that I was working on it--I was sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.

Partly because I really was completely fucking devastated when Tumblr deleted the original and I stupidly didn’t have a back up copy, and partly because it was such a daunting task for me--I really, really did think that the original was perfect. And the more I thought about attempting to re-write it, the more I broke out into a cold sweat.

Eventually, though, I decided that I just...couldn’t leave this part unwritten. It’s too important of a juncture in their relationship--it’s the first time tiger realizes what she needs from Bill and asks for it, it’s the first time they incorporate punishment into their dynamic, and it’s the first time Bill starts to understand tiger much better. It was too pivotal to not have still around.

Ultimately, though--I also decided that it was too difficult for me to re-write it as it once was. Because in my brain, my tiresome little perfectionist brain,  it would never be on par with the first version--I really do think it was probably my most favourite thing I have written, ever.

The original was posted back in August, and 3 days later--when I was just  editing a stupid tag for it--Tumblr just up and deleted the entire thing without a trace. If you were lucky enough to read it while it existed, then I’m glad. It was my peak. But for everyone else, I hope this slightly different version lives up to all of the hype you might have heard about it.

You can read part one of the dangerous forest excursion here. If you have trouble with it, or if you need some hindsight as to where my mind was at, you can read my director’s (author’s?) commentary.

I love you guys. Thank you for your enthusiasm for this two-parter, and your very kind demands that I take another stab at this piece. ***

You hadn’t meant to run, to leave. You hadn’t meant to do the very same thing that had gotten the both of you into this mess to begin with. But it was too much, all of it was too much and it was more than you could handle. It had been days since you had gotten lost in the minefield that was that forest, days since the first promise you ever broke to Bill, days since you were on the receiving end of his fury—fury that was still too fresh in your mind, still weighing on your psyche, still ripping you apart. You didn’t know what was happening, how to make sense of what you were feeling, why his anger was still crushing your chest. Why the guilt you felt from it burned like acid through your veins, why you couldn’t reel your emotions in. 

Bill, for as passionate as he was, never carried things for long. He would feel an emotion intensely, let it ruin him for the moment, but when it was done…it was done. He had been furious with you that night, enraged enough to ignore your need for his help. His own emotions had exploded, clawed their way out of him until he was yelling at you… until you used your safe word. He had paused, horrified, stepping outside to regain his composure before coming back in. It was the maddest you had ever seen him, but within a few minutes—after exchanged apologies, softer words—it was done. You were forgiven, and the chapter was closed. 

For him.

You still needed more. It weighed too heavily on your mind—his anger, his disappointment in you. You couldn’t put words to it, this feeling of dread still nagging in the back of your mind, this lack of closure over it all. The lack of feeling forgiven.

And maybe that was it, maybe that’s what this ache burning into your mind was. A lack of feeling forgiven. You had done something wrong, put yourself in danger, broken a promise to him, and after a few exchanged words…it was done. You were forgiven. It lacked the depth that you needed, it lacked all of the components that you didn’t know you needed in order to feel forgiven. It lacked…consequence. Your actions had only merited his anger, his disappointment with you, and just as suddenly as they appeared, they had vanished. Without a single consequence.

It felt fake. And even though he told you that he forgave you, even though he made sure you understood, it still somehow lacked the validity you needed. Consequence, you realized, was what you were after. Wrong doings and punishment. Action and consequence. It was the balance that had lacked, and what had played on your mind to make you believe that you still didn’t have his total forgiveness.

You struggled with it, wrestled with the idea. You wanted to bring it up to him, you wanted to ask for his help, but you didn’t know how.You still couldn’t articulate the feeling properly, or tell him what you needed that would help. You wanted consequence, wanted a little absolution, but you didn’t know what that looked like. His words weren’t enough, you needed something a little more…concrete. Physical.

Punishment, you realized, but in that exact form: physical. He had spanked you before but it was strictly under the guise of pleasure, as part of something you both enjoyed, and you didn’t know how he would react to your request to use it as a form of exoneration.You struggled with it, struggled with how to ask for what you needed, and the more the days wore on, the more you withdrew. The more your mind got away on you. And it culminated one night as you were both reading on the couch, when Bill suddenly shut his book and turned to you, taking yours from your hand and placing both on the coffee table.

“Tiger, what is it?” He asked with a heavy sigh, “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” You feigned confusion, but it didn’t work. He rested his hand on top of yours in your lap.

“You know what I mean,” he coaxed, “Something still isn’t right with you. And I need you to be honest with me, so that we can fix it.”

You squirmed, avoiding his gaze and fidgeting. Taking both of your hands in his, he ducked his gaze until he caught your eye.

“Please kid,” he pleaded, “Whatever it is, we can fix it.”

You let out a long sigh, meeting his eyes when he brought your hands to his mouth and kissed them.

“I don’t feel forgiven,” you whispered.

“What?”

“What happened between us. I don’t feel forgiven,” you said, “Bill, I can’t even explain it. I don’t know how. But there is just this….this weight on me, this nagging in my brain. This nagging that needs closure. Somehow. I need something that will just…something that will confirm to me, beyond shadow of a doubt that I’m forgiven. Because right now, I still feel like you’re mad at me. I still feel your disappointment, your anger, I feel everything except your forgiveness and it’s just very…heavy.”

There was a long pause, a lingering silence as he took in your words.

“Tiger,” he started gently, “I’ve forgiven you. It’s done for me. You’re forgiven. You need to know that.”

“I do know that,” you interjected, and he grabbed your face in his hands.

“Say it then,” he ordered. You sighed.

“I’m forgiven,” you mumbled.

“Not just that,” he implored.

“You forgive me,” you clarified, “You forgive me. Bill, I can say it as much as I want. For whatever reason, I don’t feel it. And I need to feel it, for me to be able to put this behind me. I need something to help me feel forgiven. Some form of absolution.”

“And do you know what that is?” He asked. You bit your lip and tried to take back your hands from his, but he held on, “Kid, it’s me. You can ask me for anything, I’ll give it to you.”

“I need you to spank me,” you whispered.

“Okay….is that it? Because tiger, we do that already. If you want more of it, just—”

“Punishment,” you interrupted, “I need you to punish me.”

He went still, releasing your hands from his.

“What?” He asked.

“I need you to punish me,” you repeated, “Action, and consequence. I let you down. I disappointed you, I broke a promise to you. And even though you’ve told me a million times that I’m forgiven, I don’t feel forgiven— because there hasn’t been a consequence. And I need you to give me some proof or confirmation, some kind of consequence to my actions, that cuts through this mess in my head. So that I can move on from it.”

The silence was deafening, and you glanced up from your lap to see his eyes boring into yours.

“No,” he said definitively, “Tiger, no.”

Your chest constricted, your lungs tightening as he stood abruptly from the couch. He paced the living room, raking his hands through his hair as you fought the urge to cry.

“No?” You whispered, and swallowed hard, “Why no?”

“Because,” he spat, “Because just no, tiger. You’re forgiven. I’m not going to hurt you just to prove that to you.”

“You spank me anyway, what’s the big difference? It’s the same thing,” you argued.

“I spank you because you enjoy it, because it gives you pleasure. What’s you’re after is not pleasure kid, it’s pain.”

“I thought I could ask you for anything,” you murmured, and the sob in your throat was threatening to break. You felt humiliated, embarrassed, and foolish for even asking.

“You can,” he stopped his pacing, turning his attention on you as he rubbed his hands over his face,”You can ask me for anything. But this— this isn’t anything. You’re asking me to hurt you because you think you deserve it, all to get confirmation on something you already have. Tiger, you have my forgiveness.”

“I’m asking for absolution,” you tried.

“No, you’re asking for penance. You’re asking for pain,” his voice was thick with barely controlled emotion.

“It’s not pain, Bill,” you tried again, “At least not more than what I can handle. And it would help.”

“No,” he shook his head definitively, “It’s no, tiger. Find some other way to repent, some other way to get the penance you think you need.”

You sniffled, nodding your head as fat tears rolled down your cheeks. The hot flash of embarrassment crept up your chest, burning its way into your mind to join all the other feelings of shame and disappointment you had felt crushing you for days.

You heard him take a deep breath, felt the couch dip under his weight as he sat down beside you and took your hand in his.

“Tiger,” he said softly, “Hurting you is a hard limit for me. I can’t.”

You nodded, swiping at your cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” he continued. You shrugged and tried for a half hearted smile, but you knew he saw through it.

“Limits are limits,” you told him, “We both have them. I won’t push yours.”

He nodded, still looking a little unsure, but leaned forward and pressed his lips softly to yours.

And that’s where you had left it. But when the next day felt even heavier, and the one after that was worse, you shut down. You needed…distance. You needed to clear your head, to forget the conversation, to get over your humiliation, try and deal with the mess in your head by yourself. So you sought solace the only way you knew how.

By running.

And so, you fled. You waited until he stepped out for groceries, knowing it was at least an hour there and back each way, giving you enough time to pack up the few things your had taken with you, and be on your way. Not wanting Bill to panic when he couldn’t find you, you took a second to scrawl a note on a torn piece of paper, leaving it on the kitchen table for him to find.

Gone in search of penance. Need space.

I love you,

Tiger

And you grabbed the duffel bag you had packed, and left. The area was remote, no cabs available, but over the course of a few days you had become friendly with some of the fishermen by the harbour. They left in the early afternoon to ride back into town with their haul for the markets, and you planned to hitch a ride with one of them. The wharf was 2 miles from the house, a slightly winding road, but one that was impossible to get lost on. You heaved the bag over your shoulder, and set out.

It took two hours for the calls to start coming in, his name popping up on your screen. You ignored them every time, but the texts followed soon after.

Tiger, where are you?

Are you okay?

Come back, kid. We need to talk about this.

You ignored those too. And once back on the mainland you headed to his apartment for the rest of your things, before getting a cab to the airport to change your flight home for the soonest one available. The texts continued and you ignored them as best you could, but a last desperate plea came in before your plane took off.

I love you, kid. But you can’t keep running.

With a heavy sigh, you shut off your phone.

You only let yourself break when you unlocked the door to your apartment, inside the comfort of your own home it all came crashing down onto you and you let it. You cried as you started a hot shower, kept crying as you brushed your hair out, and cried just that much harder when you pulled one of his shirts on over your head and curled up to try and get some much needed sleep. You hesitated when you reached for your phone, wondering if you should turn it back on and worried at what you might see, but with a deep sigh you caved. The messages were no surprise.

Please kid, come back.

I love you tiger, and I’m sorry.

Sniffling, you shoved the phone under your pillow and tried to sleep. It was in vain and you had a feeling it would be, the night dragging on as you held onto your pillow, your eyes barely closing for longer than a blink. It was too much, it was still too much, and now the added weight of Bill’s refusal to give you what you told him you needed just drove you further into your head. You couldn’t escape it anymore.

You tried to get comfortable, tried to relax enough to just get an ounce of the rest you needed, but it was completely futile. So when the first hints of dawn broke on a sleepless night, you rubbed at your eyes in frustration, wincing as they burned. Resigned to your fate, you threw back the sheets and stood. You eyed your phone as it dinged with a new message, but you left it there on the bed as you went to get a pot of coffee on.

You heard it ping with a message—then again a second later, and on the third one, you sighed and gave up. Reaching for it, the message tugged at something in you.

Tiger, please. I’ll give you space. Just please, kid—send me something to let me know you’re safe. It doesn’t even have to be a word. Just something. I need to know you’re safe.

You knew he meant it, and you knew that he was probably still going out of his mind with worry even though you left a note. You started typing out your response—a brief, curt sentence of just barely two words—but a noise from the front porch stopped you dead in your tracks.

A key. In the lock. The door opening. There was only one other person in the world who had a key to your apartment.

“Tiger!” You heard him bellow, and your blood ran cold. His footsteps thundered up your stairs, taking two and three at a time, and you raced to the front door just in time to slam the deadbolt across. He jammed his key in the lock, turning it and throwing your door open—only to have it come to an abrupt halt when the chain for the bolt caught.

“Tiger, open the fucking door,” he growled, squeezing his hand through to try and undo the chain.

“No, I’m not ready to see you,” you said meekly.

“I don’t give a fuck what you’re ready for kid, we’re going to talk,” he pulled the door forward before pushing it again, trying to jimmy the chain loose.

“No,” you said sternly, but he wasn’t having it.

“We tried it your way kid, now we’re going to do it my way,” he snarled, “Open the fucking door.”

“Go away, Bill,” you pleaded.

You heard his deep breath, followed by the sound of his footsteps retreating down the stairs and the front door slamming. You thought—just for a brief moment—that maybe it worked. Maybe you had convinced him.

Until you heard a commotion from the kitchen.

He had taken a running leap up the side of your apartment, balancing his foot on a drainage pipe for just a second to gain enough height to latch onto the stone ledge beneath your kitchen window. Tossing your screen open, in a feat of incredible strength—God, you forgot how strong he was sometimes—he pulled himself up. You ran to the kitchen just in time to see half of his upper body coming through the window, a leg following close behind and landing in your sink as he folded himself in half, squeezing through the frame. His limbs tangled and he couldn’t get a good angle so you watched, eyes wide, as his other leg came jutting through and he tumbled to the floor in your kitchen.

You stood there, stunned.

He looked up at you from the floor, his eyes blazing, as he slowly pushed himself upright. He didn’t break your gaze, didn’t even blink as he slowly advanced on you. His shoulders square, stretched up to his full height, he towered as he took slow strides towards you. You took one back for every one of his forward.

“Why do you run?” he growled, “Why do you. Always. Run.”

You were powerless, and as if to emphasize his point— because your mind was on survival mode–you turned and bolted. Tried to make it down the hallway but you barely got two steps away before his hand closed on your arm and he hauled you back with a force, slamming your back into the wall. He leaned down to be in your eyesight, placing his palms flat on the wall on either side and glowering at you. 

His jaw ticked, and you gulped.

“Tiger, enough,” he growled, “Look at me.”

When you kept your eyes downcast, he took your chin in one of his hands and tilted your head up roughly.

“Look at me, and tell me why you ran,” he said, and it was that tone of voice—that authoritative, commanding tone of voice that even thick with emotion, had your knees almost giving out. The knot, that pit of fire that had been burning in your stomach for over a week, was starting to uncoil. Just barely.

“Because I was scared,” you mumbled, “I was embarrassed.”

“Why?” He demanded, and you looked down for a second before he was wrenching your chin up again “Look at me.”

“Because I asked you for something,” your voice shook and your lip quivered, “Something that I needed, and you told me no.”

“Why did I tell you no?” His eyes bore into yours.

“I don’t know,” you mumbled pathetically, a few tears rolling down your cheeks.

“Tiger.”

“Because you didn’t want to hurt me,” you sniffled. And for the first time, you saw him soften. You felt his warm breath fan over your face as he sighed, releasing the vice grip on your chin to cup your face instead.

“Tiger, do you understand that?” He asked gently, “Why I said no? Why I didn’t want to hurt you?”

“I guess,” you shrugged, “Even though it wouldn’t hurt me. You spank me anyway, and I—”

He placed a finger over your mouth, and you stopped.

“Punishment is different. Punishment implies that I’m inflicting pain on purpose, hurting you on purpose. And I didn’t want to do that,” he said. You huffed, trying to push him away but he didn’t move.

“We had this conversation two days ago Bill,” you snapped, “I’m not having it again.”

“I’m not done,” he put his knee between your legs, placing a flat hand on your chest and keeping you pinned to the wall, “I didn’t want to hurt you. I still don’t. But I…I looked into it a bit more. And I understand a little better now, why you might need this. Some kind of punishment to set your mind back right again. I understand you a little better now.”

“What?”

“Tiger, I don’t need this. I forgave you a long time ago. But I understand why maybe it’s more…complicated, in your mind. Why you’re having more trouble with it. And if you still need what you asked me for, then I’ll give it to you.”

You swallowed hard, meeting his gaze as you struggled to find words.

“You will?” You asked.

“Yes,” he said, and he took your cheek in his hand, “Do you still need it? Will it help?”

“Yes,” you answered without an ounce of hesitation, “Please, Bill. It’ll help.”

He nodded once, bending to press his lips to yours in a lingering kiss.

“Go wait for me on the bed, then. Clothes off,” he took a slow step back, “I’ll be there in a minute.”

It took you a second to realize that he was serious, but then you got your feet under you and pushed off from the wall. You stopped on your way out the kitchen, turning around and walking back to him to pull him in for another kiss.

“Thank you, bud,” you whispered. He nodded again, jutting his chin down the hallway to get you moving again before he lost his nerve.

Once you were out of his sight, he took a few calming breaths—deep and steadying, before heading to the cabinet where you kept your liquor. Finding the Swedish one you never drank, he popped the cap off and downed a gulp right from the bottle before shaking his head to clear the fog. Swiping his thumb across his lip, he headed to your bedroom.

You were sitting cross legged on the bed, waiting for further instructions.

“Come here,” he called you over as he stood at the foot of the bed, “Get on all fours, kid.”

You did as you were told, and his hand stroked up your back. Knowing he’d ask for it, you turned to meet his eyes before the request left his lips.

“Tiger, this is for you. I don’t need this but I understand why you do, and I want to give you what you need.”

You nodded.

“But once it’s done—it’s done. You’re forgiven, and we’ll both put this behind us, okay? Promise me.” He continued.

“Yes,” you agreed, “I promise.”

“You’re going to get 5 kid,” he explained, “Count them out loud. What do you say if you want me to stop?”

“Pineapple,” you said, and your heart was already tripling in beats. You could feel it there—the absolution you needed, the one you craved, right at your fingertips.

“Or?”

“Red,” you replied obediently. He nodded, pushing your top half further into the mattress before reaching for a pillow, placing the corner near your mouth. You looked back at him in confusion.

“To bite down on, if you need to,” he explained, “Ready?”

You nodded. Gritting your teeth, you waited—and when the first strike hit you, your mind went blank. It hurt, it stung a lot more than when he would do it for pleasure, but all you felt was….relief.

“One,” you counted out. The weight, that devastating weight that had been crushing you for days was suddenly….dissolving. Disappearing. His hand pulled back, landing another hard strike on the fleshy part of your ass and you inhaled sharply, melting more into the mattress. You felt all of it—the guilt, the disappointment, the heaviness of the last few days just dissipating, replaced with the sweet resolution that punishment brought. The absence of thought. The quietness of it all, and the lightness of finally feeling forgiven.

“Two,” you squeaked out through gritted teeth. He pulled back, landing another hard one and you gasped, biting into the pillow that he had put for you. The absence of that guilt was giving way to something else, something you hadn’t felt since before you wandered into that forest alone—it was giving way to arousal. To the thrill, the feeling of finally getting what you need from the person you needed it from, the freedom of it all.

“Count, tiger,” his loud order broke through your thoughts, when you failed to call out the following strike.

“Three,” it was a deep groan, pain mixed in with pleasure as you wound your hands in the sheets. It was building, deep in your gut. Coiling tightly as every bad feeling, every bit of anxiety you had struggled with gave way to something much more intense, much more pleasurable.

His hand retracted, landing the hardest one yet as you tensed. Your entire mind was blank, pulsating with nothing but the absolute absence of everything that had been crushing you for so long, the thrumming of pleasure building. He knew, and he marvelled at it—he could smell your arousal, see the sheen of it between your legs as he brought his hand down hard. He saw the blush creep down your back, felt your muscles tense as you writhed slightly before him, saw the way you inched your legs closer together.

“Four,” you mumbled. Somewhere in the midst of it all, you had started to cry. It wasn’t out of pain, but out of just…relief. Tears soaked the pillow and you winced, but the pain brought the peace that you knew it would. The peace that you needed, the pleasure you craved, the relief.

He pulled his hand back a final time, landing it with a resounding slap as your back arched.

“Five,” you breathed out, and then you were being gathered in his arms. 

“Good girl,” he murmured, “We’re done kid, we’re done.”

Wrapping you up in his embrace, he gently flipped you onto your back as you cried openly. He waited for your move, tried to see if you would reach for him or if you needed distance, but your hands immediately sought him out—grabbing at him until you had enough traction to pull him forward onto you.

“Bill,” you pleaded, grasping onto him as hard as you could, “Please…”

He knew what you needed, what you were asking for. He watched you as he glided his hand up your inner thigh, taking his time to gauge your reaction to make sure it was what you wanted, what you needed. You inhaled sharply when his fingers passed over you, stifling a moan as he ran them through your wetness, spreading you wide.

“Tiger, look at me,” he whispered as he kissed a few of your tears away. He ran his hand gently over your slit, pushing two fingers into you as you groaned. You opened your eyes to his.

“It’s done kid,” he pumped his fingers gently, “You’re forgiven.”

He crooked his fingers and you stifled a cry as he pressed them to the front of your walls, rubbing gentle circles. You were so wet, your arousal soaking his hand as he ground his palm into you. You were overwhelmed, every sense on fire—you could feel his fingers, long and slender, moving inside you. You could hear the obscene sound, wet and warm, as he moved his hand against you. You could smell him, feel his lips on your face, his warm breath on your cheek. You felt everything good, everything that had nothing to do with the emotions that had crushed you before.

“Bill…” you croaked, and he shushed you lightly.

“I know, sweet girl,” he praised. You cried out as his thumb found your clit, pressing down softly as his fingers continued to work you over.

“You did so well for me kid,” he purred, “You took it so well. And it’s done now. I forgive you.”

You sobbed as his fingers quickened just barely, hitting all the spots deep in you as you writhed. But you wanted more—you wanted to be greedy, ask for just a little bit more, to throw you over the edge.

“You can come for me, tiger,” he murmured as he kissed you, “Any time you need to.”

But you grit your teeth, tried to stave it off as you grabbed his hand between your legs to stay it.

“With you,” you begged, your voice cracking, “Please Bill, I want to come with you.”

His eyes flicked over you, his gaze intense and searching—but then he kissed you again, all tongue and teeth and passion, before gently removing his hand. You whimpered as he brought it to his lips, sucking both fingers into his mouth as he groaned at your taste. He raised up on his haunches, undoing his pants and shoving them to his knees before he made a move for you again, but you rested your hands on his chest.

“All of it, bud,” you pleaded, “Please, I need to feel as much of you as I can.”

You didn’t have to ask twice, he kicked his pants the rest of the way off and lifted a bit to pull his shirt over his head before he was reaching for you again. You kissed him hard, grabbing hold of his length and lining him up at your entrance as he pushed in slowly. Moaning, he grabbed your hand as he rested his forehead against yours.

“Tiger,” he moaned against your lips, “You’re forgiven.”

Your other hand raked down his back and he jerked forward, as your abdomen tightened in impending release.

“Yes,” you sighed against his mouth, keeping his gaze.

“Do you feel it now?” He whispered, “Is it more clear now?”

He kept his pace, his hips slowly rolling into you before dragging back in delicious friction, then pushing forward again.

“Yes,” you whimpered, closing your eyes for a brief second to capture his lips in a searing kiss.

“Say it,” he urged, sucking his breath in through his teeth when you clenched around him, “God you feel so good. Say it for me, kid.”

“You forgive me,” you cried, bringing a hand up to rake through his hair. His eyes stayed on you the entire time, green orbs bore into you as your muscles started to tighten, your breath started to hitch.

“Good girl,” he praised. He rolled his hips with a bit more force, burying himself deep inside you as you gasped. You tilted your chin up, shutting your eyes briefly as the pleasure slammed into you.

“Keep looking at me, tiger,” he pleaded, and with a gentle hand he brought your face back to his, “I want to see it, when you come for me.”

You whined, a pathetic whimper as you felt everything start to clench. You were so wet, so warm around him, and every time he pushed forward he rubbed further down on your clit. The pressure was building, your stomach tense and tight as everything started to go blank.

“Let go, sweet girl,” he coaxed, “Give it to me.”

And with your chin in his hand, his forehead on yours and your eyes locked with his, you let it slam into you. The white, hot flash of extreme pleasure, building for a few days and culminating in an intense release. It was emotions, it was physical, it was everything you had held way too deep inside for a few days. You cried out, clenching your teeth and eventually closing your eyes as you spasmed around him, surging forward. You bit into his shoulder to hold back a scream, your hand squeezing his as you let out a guttural groan when all of your muscles released. His own resonated in your ear soon after as he pitched forward, driving you hard into the mattress as his hips worked against yours. He moaned, his breath coming in rasps as he held onto your hand, the other one gripping the sheets. A few more thrusts, slow and lazy but deep enough to still have you pleasure drunk, and he collapsed breathless on top of you.

You laid there for a long moment, all of your limbs wrapped around him as tears flowed freely down your face. It was silent except for your cries, small sniffles and whimpers that you couldn’t control, as you buried your face in his chest.

“I love you, kid,” he murmured in your ear, “It’s done now. Yes?”

“Yes,” you nodded emphatically, kissing any part of him you could reach, “It’s done.”

He raised slightly, kissing first your ear, then peppering them along your jaw eventually resting his lips on yours for a soft kiss.

“You feel forgiven?” He asked.

“Yes,” you sighed, tilting up to kiss him again, “Yes.”

“Good,” he rested his forehead lightly against yours, stroking your cheek with his thumb. You reached your mouth for it, kissing it lightly and nipping the pad of it playfully. He laughed, pulling you into his chest as he rolled over onto his side. But then you remembered something, something you had wanted to ask him about, and your brow creased with confusion.

“Bill,” you started, his thumb still resting on your mouth and warbling your speech, “Before, you said that you…looked into this more. And that you understood it better now. What did you mean?”

His lips pursed thoughtfully as he contemplated his response.

“I just read up on some stuff,” he murmured.

“What stuff?” You prodded. He sighed.

“I just read up on…subs. Submissive dynamics,” he explained cautiously, “And what they need. How guilt and punishment comes into play, and why it’s sometimes necessary. For them to feel better.”

“Oh.” 

He eyed you carefully, tapping his thumb against your lips and you opened for it readily. You took a second, sucking on the pad of it and looking up at him.

“But…I’m not a sub,” you said, your words muffled as you sucked on it. A wry smile quirked up the tips of his mouth.

“Okay,” he acquiesced. You adjusted his thumb in your mouth, using your tongue to push it into your cheek as you glared at him.

“Bill, I’m not a sub,” you insisted. He nodded, his lips twitching as he fought to conceal a smile.

“Right,” he said, “You’re not a sub.”

Satisfied with his response even though it was slightly insincere, you moved forward to tuck your head under his chin as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Thank you, bud,” you mumbled. He kissed your head, stroking your back.

“I need to check you over kid,” he murmured, “Make sure you’re okay.”

“We have a lot of time,” you mumbled, your eyes getting heavy, “Right now, just keep holding me.”

His arms tightened around you, a hand weaving its way into your hair, as you finally exhaled for the first time in days.

[our-hyunho]

Goodbye

TW// Death

“But, guys! I’m going far away! I can’t see you guys after this!” You screamed towards them.

“Even if you're gonna die, just go!” Hyunjin said and he never looked back. He follows his new girlfriend and all 7 boys follow him behind. They got into the subway and some of them look at you with sympathy. Tears are dropping and sobs could be heard from you. You can’t believe these people you called friends are leaving you just because you made a fuss of them forgetting their promises to come to your house last night. And that was because Hyunjin’s new girlfriend also suddenly threw a party. If only they know that it was a farewell party that you have planned to reveal about your disease.

Minho and Chan moved their heads from seeing you, while Changbin and Felix could only look at each other. The others just stand without facing you. You could only look at them before the subway coaches move and they disappear from your sight. That’s it. They shouldn’t know about this. 

The next day, you went to school as usual but the pain in your head is so severe that you can’t even look forward to the teachers. You feel like your head is being pierced with needles and you almost bang your head onto the table to ease the pain. Your nose started to bleed again and that was the last straw. You got to go to the hospital as soon as possible. 

Quickly, you packed all your belongings into your backpack and just ran out of the class. Your whole body is trembling and your teacher’s voice telling you to come back to the class sounds blurry. As you manage to reach the school gate, you grab the cab to the hospital that you are being treated at. And the next thing you know, everything became dark.

*****

3 days later, there are still no signs of you coming to school. All the boys are starting to get worried with your condition. They have been trying to call you but to no avail. Your phone is being spammed with their calls and messages at all platforms and they were shocked to find out that you have deleted your social media accounts. Some of them even planned to go to your house after class ended. They tried to track your device but you have switched off your location. Their last resort was to call your parents but they also not being answered by both of your parents. 

Hyunjin has been thinking whether he has been really harsh on you on that day but he just brushed off that thought. Seungmin and Jisung have been trying to call your parents since morning. Jeongin and Felix are eager to spam your phone. Chan is trying to keep everyone calm but he himself is worried to death. Everyone feels bad for what had happened and worried for your wherebeing and wellbeing. The bell rings signing that the first period has started and they keep their phones and silently pray for you.

They can’t keep their cool and keep fidgeting in their seats. Sometimes they look at the window to see if you are around but their hopes shattered every time. It is the third period when the school suddenly makes an announcement.

“To Bang Chan, Lee Minho, Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung, Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin and Yang Jeongin from Year 3 Class 2, please come to the administration office as soon as possible.” Confused, they went there together and they saw your father and older brother there. All of them bowed at each other and they felt some sort of sadness as they saw your family members.

“Kids, pack your bags and come with us.” Looking at each other, they went to your class and went away with your family members.

They went into 2 separate cars. 4 with your father and the other 4 with your brother. The trip went so silent and it is making the boys nervous. The boys were really eager to know what had happened but they couldn’t utter any words. As they arrived at the hospital and parked the cars, your father leads all of them to the Intensive Care Unit ward that you have been admitted to 3 days prior. They greeted your mother and she looked at them with an apologetic gaze.

“Our y/n has brain cancer but she decided to make it a secret from all of you. The cancer has metastasized to the other part of her brain.The other day she passed out in the cab and went into a coma. The doctor told us that she is brain dead now. Before we sign the papers to remove the breathing apparatus, we want all of you to bid farewell to her.” Your mother said calmly. Their hearts drop at the news. They couldn’t believe their eyes seeing you laying there waiting for the time when you will be dead. 

‘Y/n have cancer? Why did she keep it from us?’ Those thoughts are floating in their heads but they couldn’t mutter it out. All of them are crying and trembling. They could think of nothing other than hugging you and asking for your forgiveness.

“You may get in there by twos.” Two by two went in there started with Chan and Felix. They spent almost 10 minutes with you followed by Seungmin and I.N, and Changbin and Jisung. Minho and Hyunjin get in the ward last. Hyunjin trembles the worst as he felt like he was the reason all of this happens. Minho is keeping him composed and helps him walk towards your bed. Both of them are sobbing hard. Hyunjin fells himself onto your bed, crying his heart out. 

“You look so calm, y/n.” Minho said while looking at your face. Hyunjin has been crying and asking for your forgiveness. He kissed your hands and cheeks before he left. 

They were hoping that your parents won’t sign the permission form to remove the breathing apparatus from you but the doctor assured them that it was for your best. And for them, the most painful sound they have heard in their life was the ECG machine sound turned flat from beeping.

*******************************************************************************

Hi guys! This is my first time writing a oneshot after so long and i know it’s really shitty. Feel free to comment so that i can improve on my writing. Thank you for reading!!