#felt like i had to do better today | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

speakercrab666 · 2 years ago

Text

it’s okay to cop out sometimes. sometimes eating right and going outside just isn’t gonna happen today, and instead of sitting in your bed and feeling guilty for not making a meal and going for a walk, you get an ice cream and a medium fries from mcdonald’s and eat it parked next to a playground with your car door open.

and is it perfect? no, of course not. i’m not even sitting outside i just have the door open and an ice cream and fries hardly counts as a meal. but it’s something, and that is always better than nothing :)

#tw food #yes i wrote a novel in the tags but this is my blog you’re just living in it now shut up and read my novel it’s called Eat My A(DHD)ss #el has a life #el has adhd #felt like i had to do better today #but i realised what the hell does doing better mean?? and why do i think it means be the best???#sure eating something good for me and getting some exercise outside is better for me than doing nothing #but so is half assing it #that’s half an ass right there that’s way more than no ass #so if ice cream and chips for breakfast in a playground parking lot is my bar for the day then so fucking be it #i’m doing my best #and that’s fucking good enough god damn it #ALWAYS REMEMBER. IF THERE IS ANYTHING YOU CAN DO AND IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL EVEN A LITTLE BIT BETTER.#DO IT. IT DOESNT MATTER IF IT FEELS LAZY OR LIKE A COP OUT OR LIKE UR HALF ASSING IT #ITS SOMETHING!!! AND THAT WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER THAN NOTHING!!!!#sometimes nothing is all you can do and that’s okay #i know that very well. it happens and it sucks and it feels so bad and i understand #but if there is something. ANYTHING. that you can do that will make you feel a little bit better #don’t let the thought that it’s not the ‘best’ thing or the ‘right’ thing or so on stand in the way of you getting to feel a bit better #today i woke up and my brain was screaming MCFLURRY MCFLURRY MCFLURRY #and nothing else i could think of sounded at all appealing #i didn’t want a mcflurry for breakfast bc i thought i should do better #so i did #i got a mcflurry AND i managed to cram some fries in my mouth too how good is that!!!!#i did better than i thought i could #it wasn’t better than i thought i SHOULD but fuck you what i should do doesn’t matter if i can’t do it #what i CAN do is way more important no matter how small or half assed or not good enough those things might feel #executive dysfunction #actually autistic #living with adhd

1 note · View note

demonslayedher · 6 months ago

Text

The end of this season kinda had good timing so that I can have my brain back while doing a much of research trips. I won't be very responsive, but I'll still be chilling out on Tumblr here or there with randomness and updating the GiyuShino fic when I have nights back at home (and I'll go put up Chapter 5 soon if my brain doesn't give out). Sword Fic will have to wait another month or so.

#i'm going to be sleeping in like #10 or 11 different places over the next few weeks #i did some panic research today and worked 10 hours because I had been busy with unrelated tasks #but only after a moment of not doing anything #kinda like Zenitsu needing a minute just to sit before heading up Mt. Natagumo #that was the feeling precisely #but once I got going I felt better #been tied up with other things and its been weeks since I've looked at any material I'm working with next week #but after several hours of reading I feel calmer

137 notes · View notes

lesbiancarat · 2 months ago

Text

for anyone wondering, what about Han Sungsoo? 🤔 it seems that he hasn't been the CEO of Pledis since early 2022, the role until now was filled by Lee Dahye, a former VP for Bighit. HSS has still remained in the company but was demoted to an internal director

if you're wondering how you missed this, don't worry, there was never an official announcement! 🙃 carats had to find this out more than a year after the fact by doing some digging

but now Lee Dahye is being replaced by Kim Yeon Soo, who's the original VP of Pledis before they were acquired. He's the one that appeared on SVT Club, and he has historically had a good relationship with Seventeen. the way I always thought of it is Nu'est was HSS's project group, where Kim Yeon Soo oversaw the creation of svt. after the acquisition, he was put in charge of Hybe Labels Japan. it seems now he will remain in that position while also taking over as Pledis CEO

personally, I don't know what to think of this yet. on one hand carats have always had a positive view of Kim Yeon Soo, and he's always seemed to have a close relationship with svt. and I would say I'd rather have him in charge than a hybe plant

but the timing of it is very convenient. this is pure speculation on my part but with Seungkwan's Instagram post recently and all the stuff going on with hybe, it wouldn't surprise me if hybe was bringing in Kim Yeon Soo to try and appease the members (and possibly other Pledis employees). it definitely feels like they're trying to appease /somebody/ with this move, and I can't see it being the fans since most carats didn't know about Lee Dahye being the CEO in the first place. so I can only assume it's people within Pledis they're trying to appease 🤷‍♀️

#i didnt post about lee dahye directly when i found out bc i still wasnt totally sure if it was true #even though the evidence seemed to be pointing that way #although im pretty sure i remember posting a vague rant about hybe when i found out lmao #its interesting bc even after the acquisition even though i hated hybe #i felt it was still better for the members to re-sign and stay in pledis #bc where else would they go that would still have the resources to support them? especially when they seemed to be doing okay under hybe #even if i didnt like the company #but now i really do hope they leave #idk where they go or if it means they cant promote for a while or if it means they cant use the svt trademark and branding anymore #but all my worst fears about hybe have been proven true and i wouldn't be upset at all if they just left #which is not something i ever thought id say #like my ideal is that pledis could break from hybe all together but i know thats unrealistic #and its so frustrating bc i know its just a company but pledis has had such a rich and unique history of not only artists #but creative directors producers and other employees #but its been changed almost to the point of unrecognizability now #even nana who was with the company for 15 years left which says a lot #even the people who were loyal to pledis despite everything have started to leave #what does that say??#anyway im home sick today so i had time to rant #might turn rb's off later but ill try leaving them on #melia.txt

35 notes · View notes

wormchaser · 4 months ago

Note

you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.

i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.

#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a #conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit #when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never #messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou #none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but #i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come #easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to #someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as #something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not #know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the #first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk #significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i #was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything #i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems #specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most #of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came #to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here

13 notes · View notes

daz4i · 19 days ago

Text

sometimes i'm like "i dunno i can't be sure if i have ocd 🥺 i've been told i have compulsive tendencies but that's it 🥺" then i find myself repeating the same illogical action for. some reason. who knows. i feel all itchy and tense if i don't. which could mean anything. and i obsessively rephrase every opinion i post to make sure i got all my bases covered and no one would be able to misread them (it doesn't always work. also sometimes i'm too tired to notice everything). which could mean anything. and then i get mad and/or uncomfortable if i use the wrong silverware or type of plate or if i put on my shoes in the wrong order. which could, of course, mean anything. and then the skin on my hands is cracked and bleeding bc i wash them or use sanitizer spray to clean them too often. which, you guessed it, can absolutely mean anything. it is truly a mystery

#my grandpa likely had ocd and my dad absolutely has at least obsessive tendencies so. apple doesn't fall far from the tree or w/e #i noticed the illogical action thing today. idk why i kept doing it. but i felt like i had to. Damn..#it's not even the washing hands thing where i do genuinely worry abt germs and hate touching things in public #this is just. man idk how to describe it. pressing the same button on my phone to make sure i closed all apps? ig? sorta???#you the one. probably. i assume. i started doing it years ago but recently got worse #as in. if i don't do it 3 or more times then it bothers me too much. esp when i'm in public or generally not calm #which could mean anything #ah fuck. you know***** the one. 2 tags back. i'm on mobile i'm not gonna delete and retype everything #anyway. i am extremely normal and well adjusted as you can tell #(i think my brain has to be SOME form of dysfunctional at all times lmao 😭 if my depression's getting better smth else has to get worse)#vent #sorta. not really

7 notes · View notes

theflyingfeeling · 8 months ago

Text

...😭

#i've never had a job in my own field that i've liked as much as i've liked my current one #the semester is ending soon and today i heard my contract will not be renewed bc the person i'm substituting will return to work after all #i've been feeling so tired and a bit poorly after the nokia arena show and i probably should have called in sick today #as i was absolutely useless today #and then after my only class today my students came to me with a gift?? 😭#a pink enamel moomin mug and some chocolate and a paper on which they had written nice things about me + a drawing of a dachshund 😭#and i burst to tears right there in front of them because i was so touched (and also because i'm just really really tired and emotional)#i'm so tired about having to apply for new jobs and having to start all over again #i'm so tired of having to do shitty short-notice substitutions again #i feel like i deserve better than that but on the other hand i fee like life's giving me exactly what i deserve and maybe this is it #i'm dreading the summer because idk if i'll have a job to go to in the autumn #and even if i did find something it won't be like the job i have now #also. it's may day eve and the weather's lovely #and i'm hiding in my apartment with the curtains closed so i won't see all the people going out and having fun with their friends #for me may day eve has never been like that. i've always felt so very excluded from those celebrations #on top of that i got yelled at by a bus driver and i'm the worst friend that ever existed #i'm trying to quit on whining about my sad little life but it gets so lonely #please know i'm not writing this for attention or pity. i know y'all have problems of your own and i'm just being a dramatic crybaby

24 notes · View notes

jaffre · 2 months ago

Text

doctor confirmed that 👉 this guy 👈 got pcos and i just got an implant to at the very least get my whacky periods under control and hopefully get them to stop entirely

#i also have thought about how i was cared for today #i go to a free place that has rotating doctors so i didnt see the same one that told me to get a ultrasound of my ovaries + blood test #previous one was a cis woman and she insisted me having multiple cysts on my ovary (that was double in size to the other one) wasnt enough #(for a pcos diagnosis) so she insisted i redo my blood test on the 2nd day of my period #which i didnt realise at the time is dumb as hell cause my periods are so chaotic im not even sure when they start and when they stop #the doc i saw today was a trans doctor (using iel in french! love to see it) and after i explained my situation was like #well theres no point to check your hormones here since we dont have a point of reference #and your ultrasound shows you have multiple cysts in your ovary so thats pcos #then explained to me what that does to your body & all that its not dangerous per say but its good to monitor and take hormones to help #and i said i was already considering the implant to stop my periods and they said that can be arranged today #told me the other alternatives and the risks associated with the implant but tbh my choice was already made #i mean of course idk how much cisness and transness has anything to do with this #but i had seen another cis doctor about my periods being whack when they started being whack #and he did an ultrasound saw nothing and was like “well nothing wrong with you” and that was the end of it #i definitely felt more comfortable and better cared for in the hands of a peer #(also i had to try three pharmacy to get the implant cause the other ones were out of it #walked way more today than planned but good day regardless!)

9 notes · View notes

pollen · 2 months ago

Text

letting myself unmask has been so nice at times because i'm seeing my boyfriend express joy much more readily too. who knew me being expressive and all that would do so much good!!!

#today was touch and go but overall much better than yesterday where i was watching a musical (not my thing) and it was legally blonde (cool)#but everyone's voices were so shrill (ouch) and the audience was clapping (ouch) and talking a lot (ouch)#and i was three rows back from the stage so the lights were bright (ouch) and there were strobe lights (ouch) and the person seated next to #me kept touching me when she turned to talk to the person next to her..... AND my joints were killing me but we had to walk everywhere from #the theatre to the restaurant we ate at for dinner. which was a byob. and i didn't know we were going to a byob or i would've b'd my own b #but my bf's family doesn't drink so it would've been awkward anyway. and no one talks to me and i don't talk to anyone but yet i'm expected #to be there for some reason (??) i'd rather stay home honestly. horrible time. i couldn't even vape because of said family #so i had zero pain or anxiety relief that whole time. and i had the longest meltdown in the theatre. and i couldn't finish bc intermission #so i had to just like. force it down so i could sit there in silence for 15 minutes while everyone else talked to each other.#and then after all that we still had a 40 minute car ride back home. with my bf's mom.#and then today she invited us to the park with her and my bf was like 'do you wanna?' and i couldn't say no in front of her so i said yes #and then felt SO anxious because god. i just needed A Day. so then i shut down. but then i communicated what i was needing to my bf #and we had a nice walk at a different park on our own. phew #i do Not mean to complain but goodness. pre-autism i would've blamed myself for everything that happened #but now i can properly commiserate with people who understand me LOL anyway. look at some of the crazy shit i went through yesterday

8 notes · View notes

cxpperhead · 5 months ago

Text

Sorry for the lack of activity lately! Between being unwell lately and now experiencing a mini-heatwave, focusing on writing hasn't been easy. Got my stuff done for now though and I've got holiday upcoming so hopefully should be able to manage better soon! Also snek updates, Ror is doing so very well. He just had his first hopper mouse and is GLOWING with health, especially with some of that gorgeous sun. At least one of us is enjoying the heat!

He just finished drinking before I took this snap, you might see a teeny water droplet on the end of his chin <3

#🐍 || ooc #;; mun bullshit #tfw you want to write but it's a struggle #I do but life is feeling urghhh still #On the plus I am no longer such an anxious snek momma #Ror and the new baby are settling in well #Just fed both today their new food and they are loving how big and fresh it is!#New baby's food was just a touch too big before so I felt really bad how he struggled last week #Fortunately he's okay and had a small rat crawler just now #Bigger than a pup but smaller than a weaner if that makes sense? Baby's at an awkward size :(#Ror is so fucking pretty though and he's becoming so sociable too!#Always comes to the front of the viv when he sees me :D #All that lovely yellow is POPPING too #Wish the phone was better but it's def one of his best photos #Sorry for random word vomit people I am trying to focus on writing tonight #So warm today though it's like 26'c!!!

13 notes · View notes

derpinette · 4 months ago

Text

i am addicted to the black tar heroin known as fangirls

#i literally have no idea how to elaborate on this/articulate precisely what i mean i just #have so much love & respect for someone this passionate & i am obsessed with the fangirl phenomenon the devotion ETC #i love lurking spaces i obviously do not belong to completely unfamiliar with their Material just to like observe that kind of behavior #many times i got to liking or at least knowing about things this way/through Osmosis #BTW not being sarcastic whatsoever i really truly find them so extremely endearing & Moe =^.^=#my current favorite strain is once again back to RPF fujos which will probably never be dethroned ( but i love all kinds ^_^_^<333 Truly )#& especially the type to not label themselves as such just girls & women who are in it for the love of the game/Subject #seriously will never get tired of this type of person like YES i want to read your masterpost Let me see your compilations #please #I LOVE IT so much...#i wish i had that kind of Drive. i mean i do kind of but in a meta way evidently #yes i am very spiritually cucked. & proud ! i was always like this i was born with that chair in my mind pre-installed #was in such a shitty mood all day today due to my Baka life circumstances but instantly felt better when i lost myself in their world

14 notes · View notes

caterjunes · 7 days ago

Text

need some good things to come my way asap, NO i will not be doing anything to make this happen

#keeping it fun and funky fresh #personal #this is like. only sort of a joke ha ha ha 💀#at a Very fun place w/ my mental & physical health where i legitimately Do Not Know how to get better #and also uhhhhhh don't. care. enough about myself to.#like i'm being a hundred percent serious in saying that playing breath of the wild is like. the only thing keeping me going.#i was talking in therapy today about my holiday trip (💀) and realized that the reason i ''felt okay'' about taking the trip was #not just b/c i have been lonely & had been missing my family & wanting to see my gramma especially #not just b/c i wanted to be taken care of (l o l)#and not b/c i think covid is any less serious #but b/c my sense of self-preservation is Not Good right now. so it didn't seem as important if i got sick. or really sick.#which was kind of a sobering realization. like. haha. oh. my decision to take this trip was a Risky Behavior. haha. that's. probably fine.#matty's mental health

4 notes · View notes

canongf · 4 months ago

Text

it has been almost a week since my surgery and i am feeling!!! good!!! my meds make me drowsy and i've been sleepin' so i haven't been around much. but i wanted you to know that i am good and eddie is taking good care of me!!! and between the bloody noses and all the bruising. i look very very very metal. i love you!!!

#surgery saga #surgery tw #live #that's what eddie says he says i look very metal #thank you for being patient with me!!!#i haven't had a whole lot of energy to be online and respond to messages!!!#the energy i have had i've used to to like. bathe. and take my dog outside #you know #but i'm doing pretty good!!!#my surgeon warned me the end of the first week would probably be the hardest days #and they have been #yesterday was really really hard #but i've felt a bit better today!!!#so hopefully we're on the up and up!!!

15 notes · View notes

almostvermin · 29 days ago

Text

im so tired