#feeling very sick rn
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#feeling very sick rn#going to a new gyno for the first time in 3 years and idk why i’m nervous#covid happened and my appointments just fell off and i never picked it back up#but blegghhh i don’t want strangers looking at my lady bits!#even in a professional medical setting lmao#anyway if you’re reading this and you’ve got lady bits then take this as your reminder to get your pap smears#and mammograms as needed!#t talks in the tags
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The way that Dariax is the only one to end up alone at the end of this.
Opal has Fy'ra; they have their deities. Morrighan has Cyrus's soul for a moment and a Matron for a lifetime. Dorian has the Bells Hells once more. But Dariax... for a while, at least, Dariax will have no one.
And it's in the way that Dariax won't realize at first that he's been abandoned.
Maybe he'll think he lost track of time. He'll go traipsing through town, asking about a handsome blue bard, trying to figure out what inn they must've agreed to meet back at for the night. Because they must have, right?
The night grows dark, and still no sign. He'll get sick with worry. He knows he's thick, but surely he would've noticed if something happened, right? He would've known if Dorian was in danger?
And then... I don't know what's worse from there.
What story does he tell himself, in the end?
That Dorian blames him for not being able to save his brother? No, no, Dorian was taken—because he would never have abandoned him, not when they were all the two of them had left?
Dariax has always known he was a lot to handle. He's been told how exhausting he can be. He knows he has never been worth sticking around for.
But he thought—
—he thought that maybe he'd done it right this time. That maybe someone would stay.
Eventually, Dariax stops looking. He greets isolation like an old friend.
He plays his new lute to fill the lonely silence, and it does not help.
#cr spoilers#critical role#dariax zaveon#dorian storm#doriax#cr meta#cr fanfic#y'all I'm. not okay with how that piece of the session went. not handling Dariax's ending well rn#i feel sick#(beautiful session ftr. totally understand Robbie's decision out of game. just. very pained by the in-game implications.)
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being an adult means we can buy or make as much self-indulgent shit (as we can afford) and unironically have trinkets of our fave things cause our teen years was bullied for liking things and hiding/denying we were ever neurodivergent to the point of suicide. sucks for anyone that thinks its weird cringe but I'm going to try and allow myself to love myself in little ways now
#wish i could tell younger me that i wasnt fucked up i was just autistic#even if youre not nd i still think having things you enjoy around you is important especially for your space#so i make a notable effort to get fandom stuff for my younger siblings now#like my lil sister thinks getting demon slayer stuff is cringe cause anime and what not (havent read it sorry)#but her face still lights up when i get her a pin for her#or a blind bag with a character keychain#and very slowly the self hatred and whatever it feels like that youre not allowed to like anything and that anything you like is bad#starts to diminish#my qpp is obsessed with birds and chickens and has so many trinkets around the house for it#or my friend who loves how pretty stained glass looks that his walls are covered in thrifted stain glass pieces#i know an elderly couple who are obsessed with star trek and they have a room in the house purely for shelves stacked with collectables#my friend's dad is so obsessed with spiderman that he has 3 walls full of figurines and posters and collectables that prob amoutn to tons#like i dont get it but i get it#maybe its because im sick rn but im in my head tonight about human loving things and stories and cocepts to the point of comfort#sara shush#ramble
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woke up. lizard on pillow. like i opened my eyes and he was beside me and staring at me. lil green-brown fella. tongue like :p. he was the length of my pinky finger. as soon as i reached for him he scuttled away out of reach and vanished behind my bed.
literally lived a g/t first meeting this morning so thats cool
#i have to go on a six hour drive today and id rather die tbh#im soooo sick rn. i dont wanna go. but id feel bad abt missing my cousins wedding#abyways ill b okay. lets discuss the lizard more#he was very cute and very small#i did think he was dead at first and almost yelled
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I tried to be good, am I no good? Am I no good? Am I no good?
untitled, Geloy Concepcion // Seventeen Going Under, Sam Fender // untitled, traumatizeddfox // Two People, Sam Fender // The War of Vaslav Nijinsky, Frank Bidart // Hard Times, Ethel Cain // Child Wearing a Red Scarf, Eduoard Vuillard // Complex, Katie Gregson Macleod // Funeral by Phoebe Bridgers, malaak // Too Much Wine, The Handsome Family // untitled, milklump // untitled, dying-weeds // Strangers, Ethel Cain
#sorry to all my f1 people#i'm really going through something rn and had to do something to get it out#been a very tough few days a lot of things being brought back up that i really cant deal with#everything in me feels sick#delete l8r#cw family issues#cw trauma#cw abuse#ethel cain#tw abuse#sam fender#traumacore#trauma#childhood trauma#family issues#dad issues#narcissist parents#web weaving#web weave
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i tried rendering and turns out i fucking hate it !
#mush art#WOOGOOOOOO I FINISHED IT FINALLY#took me just.. about two weeks thats insane#im never making anything like this again it was HELL#it was fun in the bwginning#and i like it#so its okay i dont mind#but it drove me fucking crazy nuts up the wallas#i hope u like it becaus e im actually very happy with it#im not feeling very happy about it rn because im so sick of looking at it but i am very happy with it#Btw dont zoom in too close its not very pretty💀#ignore the bench i was Done💀#and i croppednit badly on purpose okay#voltron#vld#voltron legendary defender#fanart#voltron fanart#princess allura#allura#romelle#romellura#lesbians#GAYS#THEYRE GAY#romelle vld#allura vld#romelle x allura#allura x romelle#love wins
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HEY WHAT IN THE HILL TOP IS HAPPENING IN PROTOCOL RIGHT NOW
Talking corpse is just talking about a house which houses all the fear entities and she's rebuilt it in her mind? She's saying her mother helped her rebuild it.
Mother?
MOTHER???
Talking corpse, being puppeted? Maybe?
Being puppeted BY MOTHER?
#I'm so fuckin sick rn#but I'm so fucking excited#I feel like this is the second direct reference we've had to The Web#the first being the drowned girl with the tape recorder#magnus protocol#the magnus protocol#tmagp#tmagp spoilers#tma spoilers#the magnus archives#I might be forgetting a web reference though I'm not thinking very clearly#also I think the Fears are gonna fight this world's Powers for control#but that's theorizing for another time
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Yesterday I was thinking about something "dumb" but I'm posting it anyway: no one is here on Simblr TO make content. We're here to have fun, post what we like and most importantly WHEN we like and feel like doing it. Some users worry about notes on their posts, or rush to fill up their queues. It's not a job and it's not tiktok! The simblr community is a comfort zone. Take care of yourself darlings, the world is such an exhausting place already and you deserve some rest at least in your free time!
#Yesterday I was like “i feel numb from my new meds how will i update my story??”#and then oh wait i'm writing for myself you sick fuck brain lol#expect some very casual gameplay next week because my brain is rotten rn#arcana rambles
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Come back home when you have some sense
You can throw your life away just not at my expense
You’re not the son I raised
#jhariah#this one just rawrrfrrr#and then uh another line thats like ‘tell me did you raise a man?’#nice#im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it#god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like#hnnnghhh#hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot#the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM#sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like ‘i just want you to know im so so...’#like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke#but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me#and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards#the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome#the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear#its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe#but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill#and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill#you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit#and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it#and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was#very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me#which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me#yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend 👍
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sorry for being so chatty i’m just finally feeling more alive and am so happy to be off work lol. also i can finally eat whatever i want now that my gallbladder isn’t calling the shots anymore 😈
#rambles.#trying to figure out what i want to order tonight 🤔#the world is my oyster. but a very small oyster because we have like 5 restaurants here in hicktown usa#and like two of them don’t deliver so. i would have to go pick it up#which i super don’t feel like doing rn after putting on fresh pjs#i only took my two regular days off + one sick day for my surgery. so i really just want to sit here and enjoy doing nothing
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just saw a jp user type the jp equivalent of ‘BAT NEVER MISSES’ after the solo preview dropped and i’m so glad the bat excellence is acknowledged there too lmao
#this is vee speaking#i keep listening to the preview and crying bc the preview ends pls i need november to be here RN RIGHT THE VERY INSTANT 😭😭😭😭😭😭#like i feel so sick to my stomach knowing it’s really coming bat peak is on the way i’m so excited and terrified and hype and nervous#i’m feeling way too much and i can’t process it all I LOVE BAD ASS TEMPLE LMAO
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first back to school season since 2006 where i'm not actually going back to school 🥳🥳🥳 good luck to the rest of y'all losers! could not be me!
#unfortunately it's because im postponing grad school a year to take care of my health 😃👍 absolutely going through hell rn besties#been so sick lately and it's been one of the worst loneliest most terrifying experiences of my life i dont even know what to say abt it#feels like there isnt even a way to put it into words#but im very glad this is an option for me and that i just get to chill out and maybe hopefully i'll feel better in a few months#would really like to travel next calendar year if it's possible i will try to make this a good year regardless#personal
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thinking about the Lady again and she actually is the Character Ever.
Starting off with her design. How ridiculously simple it is, right? Her yukata is plain brown and has a single layer, her wig (and yes, I am positive what she wears is not her hair but a wig soley because of how easily it comes undone... that kind of hairstyle is meant to STICK when done with actual hair) has no decorations befitting a woman of her powerful status and her mask is nothing but... empty. You could mistake her for a mannequin and you wouldn't even be wrong. It's by design, after all: she is as insanely important, as a figure, as she is anonymous as a person.
But then, it's with amusement that you note that that boring, unexpressive mask is called the "Rascal's mask" when unlocked. It's such an oddly affectionate nickname stemming from a person so utterly despicable. And then you notice her hair. Her long, black hair that should be hidden under her wig, as the hairstyle goes, but are instead hanging out freely. Not very traditional at all, right? You could almost read it as a small act of defiance of... something. Now, what that thing is, I doubt even she knows. Maybe it's just her way to seek individuality without having to step into zones she does not want to touch.
And then, of course, the lack of shoes. It's not uncommon for people to wear slippers in the house - especially for the Japanese - but she just... doesn't. In that small, small way, she is similar to Six - and every other child in the Maw running around barefoot. Except she's above running, of course. She's got the privilege of floating like a ghost so that she may never touch the ground.
(The only time when this rule is broken is when she fights Six, poetically enough. You can see her visibly step back.)
These strange little things are the first things that push you to wonder about her as a person. Not the title, not the Lady of the Maw: the individual behind the mask. Who is that person? What is she like? Is there a way to answer these questions? I think yes, if you know where to look - but is it worth to ask these questions considering what she does?
That depends on you. Me personally, I think there is narrative worth to be found in what she has to hide. Her foil, Six, finds value in the aspects of herself she does not hide: she is very unapologetic in her selfhood. The Lady isn't, for the most part.
(I wonder if that would make her envious of her younger counterpart in a different context?)
Frankly, looking back on her choice of attire, the fact that her personal bedroom is barely decorated is not surprising. She only has the essentials: a bed, the vase with the key, a few pictures of importance (of people long forgotten, herself included no doubt) and... an ungodly amount of misplaced clothes all over her quarters. All the same yukata, repeated over and over, maniacally folded and arranged in towers, but never where they're supposed to be.
A bedroom is the reflection of yourself. Of your inner world. The fact hers looks so barebones is quite telling about who she is. Or isn't. She herself may have some trouble trying to figure that one out.
I think that, in a vacuum, it's easy to assume that the reason she's so displeased by her reflection is soley out of vanity. That is definitely part of it, but I don't think that's all there is. Because after seeing the mannequins that all look just like her, the four women in the picture who also wear her same exact clothes... and that hidden quote.
This quote, which is from Alice in Wonderland. Specifically from a conversation in which Alice expresses how she doesn't recognise herself anymore because of how many times she grew big and small during the course of the day. She is not the same person she was before entering Wonderland.
I find the way she clings to the dolls and the music box to be much more... sombre when keeping this in mind. In a way, that scene is reminiscent of Monster Six clinging to her music box in the chaos of the Tower; an attempt to attach to something safe. For the Lady, it's even more personal. Those are her toys. Her song. No one can take them from her and claim them as theirs. These materialistic tomes are physical proof of her identity. She likes dolls, and she likes to sing that song from her music box. Surely, that much is something.
But a ceramic toy and an old music box are not really enough to placate the inner turmoil. Hence the broken mirrors, the hidden statues... the hung down portraits with their eyes scratched out - from times of the past. There is a person looking back in the mirror which she does not recognise. That can't be her, right?
It isn't. The reflection is but a faux image of her outward appearence. The inside, however... much like this concept art shows, she is melting away. Rapidly decaying no matter how much she tries to stick to her youth.
Because at the end of the day, that's what she's doing, no? The toys, the music box, her appearence... all of it, just to cling a bit more to the person she used to be. Point being that I doubt even she remembers what she used to be.
You'd think a person like this would be inclined to feel at least some sympathy for all the lost children wandering the Nowhere. A sense of kinship, perhaps, or even just... basic human compassion. She has proved to have very human emotions, after all. This is where she proves you wrong. Whenever you think she's stepped the lowest, she always goes lower.
In her humanity, she is brutal. Relentless, ruthless. She offers no sympathy to anyone and has no empathy to spare either. She is very much aware of what's going on under her roof: she not only allows the Maw to continue being the way it is in spite of having the power to change things, but she actively engages in its despicable practices. She has petrified children in her quarters, as well as their ashes - of which the use is unclear - and then she is responsible for the Nome population and exploitation being so large and so eerily heavy. She's twisted necks, broken bones, murdered innocents.
The Shadow Children are, to me, one her greatest offenses. I don't think they serve any particular purpose other than... being there because she wanted to make them. Children ripped away from their life because of her whims. Not even in death can they rest because she can get her hands on their souls. They're nameless, forgotten shadows with blank masks: they're just like their creator, in that way. Ripped of all individuality and devoid of everything.
Everything she sees, the Lady devours. Not a creature is safe from her shadows and her wrath, especially if they come and actively intrude in her activities. She's twice as aggressive if the Maw is at stake.
The Lady's personal bedroom has another motif piece which I did not previously mention: the Maw wallpaper. While Roger and the Chefs have wallpapers that portray them with her, the Lady... does not. She only has the Maw. She's not part of that picture.
The Lady can't let the Maw change its ways. She is the Maw. The Maw must survive: so must she. To change the Maw would mean challenging herself enough to bring about a change; to her, who does nothing but lament what she lost, that would be too much effort. Too outside of the comfortable zone where she can survive in peace. Miserable, but unbothered.
... For the most part. Until Six comes around.
#the lady#carols.txt#ln meta#{dude i dont even know where i was going with this#if it seems like this post comes from a place of love it does#not at her as a person but like as a character. i find her so interesting and i feel oddly tender about her writing#usually when this happens its because i see pieces of the person i could have been in a character (like scaramouche for example)#but this time its from the completely opposite perspective#i am a person with a very clear idea of who i am. i know what my identity is and i am not afraid to express it#so witnessing a character with such a confused identity is both alien and fascinating to me#i wanted to focus more on her atrocities and how capitalism is what changes a person but its... 2 am and i am sick rn#i spent an hour literally vomiting my ramblings on this post#as a person and what she stands for i despise her. as a character i wish to put her in a security blanket and see how she gets out#this post feels terribly personal for some reason. like whatever . shes not even allat#im lying she literally IS allat#idk i love well written female characters who feel like people and dont fit in a specific convenctional box. sue me#< goes for six too#not opening *that* can of worms rn but. yeah}#little nightmares
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Hey omg! Thanks so much for 6k you guys!!! I can never say enough how lucky I feel to have you here, every day I read comments and reblogs or asks that make me smile to myself or laugh out loud. Cheesy as it may sound I never imagined I would actually write for an audience, so having this blog has been pretty surreal and y’all are the sweetest bunch of people I could have hoped to have here. Real question, would y’all want me to do a celebration or just continue with our regularly scheduled programming? Love you all to bits !
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Even through I'm sick today, I'll will still try to post something. Just two of shitpost drawings of the cyan au I completely forgot about, I absolutely liked this asshole lmao.
That's it, I'm gonna go rest a bit since I'm still a bit sick, but my condition is a lot better than yesterday.
#im bored#lol#jsab#just shapes and beats#jsab au#jsab cyan#yeah im sick#i just have a very high fever before#and my fever rn is not too bad#im feeling alot better
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im doing something different for commissions this coming time
#i have to cleanup/line/color/ the last of the work I have to do#and then im gonna take a break for a week or two#for the next batch it’s gonna be different I’ve decided#im probably going to make them ko-fi 6 or 8 slots first come first serve#im gonna raise my prices too. im sorry if this an inconvenience#im not going to get too personal but there like rough changes happening in my life and i feel very physically sick rn#i feel very ill and im feeling so intensely ever since being off my meds. I don’t want to make it anyone’s problem#im SO greatful to the people who want art from me. and im so greatful for the commissions i get.#I think I worked myself to the point of misery . im feeing the physical effects of it#im just physically exhausted and I don’t want to burn myself out#I can barely respond to people and I don’t want to have others deal with it#I have no other ways of getting money so I physically depend on these#I don’t want to feel like im only good for making art . i don’t want to make it seem like im lazy when im working everyday#hopefully I finish the rest of my work in the coming week. I appreciate everyone whose supported me and my art#and im sorry for being a bit of a downer. I’ll get back to regular posting 🧡#txt
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