#feeling some very intense feelings rn
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much as i'd like to say jude in the play for 'a little life' isn't exactly what i imagine him to look like from the vague descriptions in the book, all it took was one small clip from the play to convince me that no person couldve been better for the role than james norton was
the performance is just so fucking moving like for just those two minutes of the scene i got so absorbed into their reality that i forgot mine even existed
james embodies jude so well its fuckin insane. From every subtle movement of his to his delivery reminds me of the jude i read in the book and i think thats beautiful
its so rare to find a piece of theatrical media that does justice to the book the way they did
its sad that i couldn't see the play bc well im not in europe but honestly, i don't think i couldve if i was there either. The book ripped my heart out, loved it dearly yet at the same time threw it onto the ground and stomped on it till it was just a sludge of meat and blood.
And i'm still at 'the happy years' and i just know that its gonna keep getting worse from here on :')
youtube
#but at least caleb dies so thats awesome#10/10#the rest however#oh jesus#dont even get me started#istg im gonna get like second hand depression and ptsd#but i just love them all so so much(i still lowkey dont like jb tho) that i know no matter how this book breaks me im gonna love it foreve#feeling some very intense feelings rn#a little life#books#my rambles#Youtube
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Bittersweet fish 🌏💫
#fish#koi fish#yin and yang#sun and moon#ldr#long distance#long distance relationship#but also it can mean anything you think it means#friendships.. identity.. world dimensions#also um. sorry if theybdont look like koi fish irl#i went off of my soul (vibes and feelings) not a reference pixture#theyre some kind of fish thats for sure …#ebonytailsart#going to turn this into a fish#may even turn the fish into acrylic charms or stickers in the future because i love them#sadly the print will not be as intense as this#but thats bevause neon cyan is impossible to print so far. well. not impossible. but its Very Hard to capture with inks#so the final product IRL would be different#but until i have a physical store you get the pretty intense version#i love you. digital art. but the average printing world is not ready for you as much as we want it to be#this print will be A5..? 5.83 inches squared#god i hope it comes back looking alright#doing test prints rn#the fish. they are in love
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Jesus fucking christ I hate the US south
#Cw gun mention I guess#I was feeling super nauseous so I went into the kitchen to get ritz crackers#And we're at my grandma's rn for Christmas and she has windows in the kitchen that look out at the road/other houses#And NO curtains or blinds because she's old#And anyway I turned a small light on so I could see the crackers and I hear a fucking man outside shout “WHO'S OUT THERE”#In the heaviest southern accent. Mind you every fucking person in this area has a gun bc there's lots of trees with squirreld they shoot#And logically now that I am calming down I know it was just a bad coincidence and he was probably yelling at smthn in his yard#But jesus fucking christ I felt such immediate intense fear my head went cold#Ran to my baby brother's room bc I was certain someone was gonna come kill us#Then the rationality took over and I just told my mom about it. But now I'm sitting outside his room eating crackers bc I'm fucking paranoid#It is almost 4am and I haven't slept a wink I cannot do this rn#But literally the last time I went for a walk around here my dad told me not to go alone and also not to say anything stupid#And also stay far away from houses bc I could get myself shot#Literally what the fuck is this.#“Afearican” except I'm still very much in the US#Not to mention almost every fucking house has a blue lives matter flag and some have isr*el flags now too like#I fuuuuucking hate it here
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Not meaning to throw any shade at Rem, but I hate how her character ended up being restricted to only loving Subaru. It became her personality and her reason to exist
Meanwhile my man Otto has layers and fun dynamics with everyone WHILE also being codependent and hopelessly in love to Subaru (in my point of view)
I hope that now Tappei will be able to balance Rem's character and give her another personality trait besides her love for Subaru
ok so if anyone else is seeing this, this is referring to a poll i made a few days ago pitting rem and otto against each other bc theyre both the resident codependent subaru devotees and they do parallel/contrast each other a bit 👍
but yeah anon… not to affect the poll results or anything wkdndnd but i agree a lot with you!! i have mixed feelings on rem bc i do love her a lot—im halfway through her and ram’s prequel novel and im enjoying it a lot, and also i liked her the moment i watched season 1 of the anime for the first time. shes an intriguing character with a well written backstory and her own set of flaws and traits. but i think the big thing is her and ottos relationships with subaru, while subaru is first place in both of their hearts and subaru comes first before anyone else at this point, rem and ottos flavors of Dependency are different?
like with rem, i think its the point that her whole being ends up revolving around subaru. not that otto isnt like that either, of course, but otto has Way More of a life outside of subaru. otto has a whole group of people from the emilia camp to marone and his family that he cares about other than subaru, and on top of that, ottos job in the emilia camp is to communicate with others both within and outside of his camp. then theres his dp, which is also dependent and ABOUT communication. when it comes to rem and otto, theres absolutely no competing on this, otto is the one with more of. a Life. not that rem doesnt have other people she cares about and other people she talks with and other people she likes (and also rem was unfortunately Gluttonyed), but the top two closest people in her life were always ram then subaru. otto got lucky with his loving family, bc rems Entire Life has molded her into being dependent on others. shes told by her family that the only reason shes alive is bc ram saved her. ram is the only person who loves her. she envies ram and then she feels so guilty after her village is destroyed and rams horn is gone (especially when rem is initially. kind of Glad that rams horn is gone). so rem places her worth on serving the people she loves—ram and subaru. rem has spent her WHOLE LIFE like this. remsuba as a relationship has its ups and downs but arc 3 rem is, while sweet and well meaning, shes not the healthiest. remsuba isnt the healthiest. and then arc 7-8 comes in and yeah while rems pov of subaru and the whole situation is Understandable from what little she knows, yeah its not the healthiest either (and also i dont forgive her for being mean about natsumi wkfndnd).
not that ottosuba is the Healthiest given they seem like theyre going to become. a bit Toxic in arc 8 if they keep being stubborn, but the big difference is in how otto and rem devote themselves. bc rems problem (in arc 3) is that she enables subaru a little too much. i mean sloth if exists for a reason, she ran away with subaru and RAM AND EVERYONE ELSE DIED. ottos problem is that hes 1. obsessed with opposing subaru and 2. not straightforward with his feelings the way arc 3 rem is. bc at least pre gluttony rem is gonna straightforwardly be like “id do anything for you” and “i love you” etc etc. like yeah ottos like “youre my friend!!” but hes also gonna complain nonstop about subaru to his face and say shit like “ill leave at the first sight of danger!!” RIGHT AFTER RISKING HIS LIFE FOR SUBARU. and also even then arc 8 rems siding with subaru on louis so shes enabling him in that respect too (even though arc 8 rem is different from arc 3 rem of course). ergo, rem is the one who wants to support subaru Unconditionally. even if its not what youd consider the right decision. otto tries to help subaru get what he wants, but if otto doesnt agree he starts getting aggressive. rem makes herself pliable and into a bit of a doormat for subaru, otto starts getting out the pitchforks and tries to control things bc he thinks his way his best for subaru in the end. that, and while subaru does go first in ottos heart, hes STILL loyal to the entire emilia camp as a whole (minus roswaal). thats why he wanted to leave vollachia, he wanted to save the ENTIRE emilia camp.
but like you said anon—while the point is that rem ends up centering her whole life around subaru, i feel that tappei handles otto (who has SIMILAR PLOT BEATS) with far more nuance. like while otto will literally do anything else besides actually say “i love you” or “id do anything for you”, his arc is more straightforward and consistent than rems. again, rem got gluttonyed and a bunch of different stuff have happened with her so of course her arc has been more Dramatic in its changes, but with otto he grows and changes but at the same time he doesnt change At All. his arc 8 self is doing stuff hes been capable of this whole time, vollachia and subaru just bring out his more hidden traits. the narrative is just way more consistent with emphasizing that while otto thinks hes in the right, hes also Wrong in a lot of ways. his mindset rn is Not Healthy and i feel that the narrative shows that more with him than it does rem a lot. like the writing literally goes out of its way to shit on otto a bit for being a little messed up in the head, while you have to read more into rems plot and then some audiences just completely miss the point of her character. that and—yeah, rems reasons are all very understandable, but i feel that tappei romanticizes her a bit too much. all you have to do is look at sloth if bc sloth if seems a Bit too fluffy to me despite the absolute Dark Backdrop. like yeah. subaru rbds back to arc 3 at the end. but i feel like sloth if just sweeps a lot of the dark underbelly under the rug. ottosuba as a dynamic to me just feels more Equal than remsuba does, which is probably a bit strange HAH bc ottosuba as a dynamic is based on Conflict (especially when you remember ottosuba across the ifs too) and their power dynamics in arc 8 are likely going to get crazy at some point.
plus its like—the way the whole louis situation has been handled made me think that tappei wouldnt even bother examining the Problems with louis and subaru + rems relationships with louis, but luckily arc 8 has been getting into that more. so like i dont completely trust tappei with female characters (he has a habit of. fumbling the bag a bit with them sometimes, imo. he gets out such great complex main female characters then he starts messing up with their writing like halfway through). but like you anon, i hope that rem gets far more character development. the poor girl has spent her whole life basing her worth on others….
and well. again, i think the difference in how the writing treats otto vs rem is probably also bc ottos a boy and rems a girl. so of course otto consistently gets a bit more nuance, and of course certain parts of the audience just see rem and think “waifu who would do anything for you” rather than “this is a traumatized girl who means well but has poor boundaries and Codependency Issues”, and some people see otto and think “he doesnt love subaru that much lol” and sweep his own codependency and Issues under the rug. and then you look at the narrative and, like you said anon, otto is allowed to have fun dynamics with everyone while still being Fixated on subaru. rem hasnt had much of a chance in that category yet.
#rezero#rem#otto suwen#ask#arc 7-8 spoilers#also i think its def up to personal preference with whether you prefer rem or otto in the end. definitely#bc like ottosubas more flexible as a relationship. theyre platonic in canon of course but ottos love is so Intense that you can easily read#into it if you so choose. and even then theres no denying that its very intimate and intense from ottos pov anyway.#remsubas more explicitly romantic and also you know. a bit influenced by gender roles if only bc its a straight ship and ottosuba are of#course the same sex.#and also of course rem and otto have different plots different arcs etc etc. course theyre handled differently#just yeah i feel like tappei still treats them differently for. Reasons. and theyre definitely percieved differently for. Reasons.#everyday i die inside bc rems character is often flattened to just be about Subaru while ottos whole thing with subaru is half forgotten#about by some english fandom ppl??? like r u fr rn 😭😭😭 theyre both more complex than they seem!! pls!!
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hm. highkey missing my dream husband right now
#i meant it when i said the dream left me Shooketh#like i feel as if I'd lost something very important by waking up and now I'm feeling very intense grief for no reason#am I going through a decade early midlife crisis?? Am I having a mental breakdown of some sort?????#i thought today's crunch would make me forget about it but it hasn't. hmm.#Luke rants#love being so mentally ill a dream can make me Even ill-er lmao#it's probably just the stress of everything but man. i am Not having a good time rn
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Back on my bullshit answer my questions
while doing some rudimentary research for this poll it has come to my attention that pins and needles are a feeling felt while the limb is asleep, not the period of intense sensation/tingling/sensitivity experienced while it comes back online. or maybe it's both? the stuff i read referred to it as tingling that happens while the limb is pinned/under pressure/numb. i cannot find anything that references what i have come to think of as "the agony" but ive referred to it as the pins and needles in the options for this poll anyway.
Mild: limb has muted sensation but can be moved and used carefully, pins and needles begin almost immediately after limb is moved from whatever position caused it to fall asleep. Pins and needles not painful and do not appear painful, and last a few seconds, person affected is capable of speech and moving other parts of their body during pins and needles, which last a few seconds.
Middle intensity: limb is numb or partially numb and can twitch but not be moved precisely. Pins and needles begin a few seconds after limb is unpinned or when it is moved. Pins and needles not painful but intense and appear uncomfortable, taking a lot of the affected person's attention/capacity. they last between 5 and 7 seconds.
Intense: limb is numb and cannot move/be used, pins and needles begin 5-7 seconds after the limb is unpinned. pins and needles are intense and may be painful or not painful but 'unbearable', causing the affected person to cry out, grimace, or otherwise appear to be in pain. Person cannot speak or move their other limbs during pins and needles, which last 10 or more seconds (without shaking) and have residual tingling for a few seconds after limb regains movement/becomes bearable to move
obviously this all depends on how long the limb was pinned but just answer whichever is the most common for you, and if you want you can put in the tags what positions make your limbs go numb/how you deal.
#polls#poll#tell me your secrets#idk i was just shaking out my hand but im sick/tired rn so i was actively crying out and was thinking#that limbs falling asleep/pins and needles are a very common and intensely unpleasant experience#and its kinda fuckin weird that we as a society dont talk about it more#and that it can be brushed off or be a single line in books n stuff#and like theres a lot of things that get done dirty in books for how intense/scary/dangerous they are irl#like the first time i got the wind knocked out of me and thought i was dying cause its only ever described as#getting the wind knocked out of you#rather than you can't feel the air coming in and out of your lungs#and the only way you can tell youre not dying is that you aren't experiencing air hunger#which can happen when you are dying in certain situations so fuck if i know#and like headrush like i see new colors/lose track of reality/twitch or faint when its real bad and in books its always like#a bout of dizzyness or some shit#and before i get called out yea i know what an iron deficiency is#also rip to all book characters who've been knocked out for several hours after a head injury or passed out from blood loss lol#anyway#then theres shit like my psycosomatic faux asthma symptoms or swallowing issure or the foot thing that are unique to me as far as i can tel#and boy howdy does that suck shit#but to conclude#bodies are weird why dont you tell me how yours works.
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Can’t talk now, I’m making Pokéballs
#^My way of announcing that there's no Weekly TV Guide this week lol#I still haven't Quite gotten the hang of balancing everything#Spent the beginning of the day doodling baby VUX and then got Very sidetracked with an impromptu papercraft#I don't even expect it to be cool or impressive I just Want To Do It#I'm practicing cutting things out because I'm still not good at it leave me alone lol#I had such plans to make digital art today.........and then Pokemon Papercrafts...........#Papercrafts in general really I looked up a bunch and got hit with Impulsivity Beam of Make PokeDex and Mini Books and Pokeballs#I'm just really itching for physical Pokemon stuff rn I want to make badges and more little Pokemon cards like the ones I made a while ago#But less intensive and also printing double sided is a Pain lol - maybe when I get an actual double-printing printer lol#If they end up being cool I'll post them lol and if not well at least I'm having fun#Hopefully maybe some digital art as well I still have expression memes to do! I just haven't been warming up!!!! Heck!!!!#Which is to say I haven't been drawing at all lol I don't skip my warmups sometimes that's All I do :'D#Want To Make - Believe Me#Just a matter of Actually Doing - Want to!!!!!! Motivation there!!!! Focus...........#I'd say it feels bad but no I feel good and not guilty for having fun lol
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anyone feeling like it's a bright summer day and they want to be wanted more than anything else in the world or is it just me and frank o'hara.
#it's not actually summer. BUT ☝️ the temperatures are still high enough rn that it could be early summer so it still counts. frank o'hara#you get me like no other 🙏 like yeah. it IS a bright (summer) day and i DO want to be wanted more than anything else in the world........#r.txt#sitting on the bus omw to my grandparents. it is very pretty outside and the bus driver is humming along to the radio and i'm feeling some#kind of strange desire for the past and the most awful intense desire to be wanted bc i saw a very sweet elderly couple at the station we#just drove away from a couple minutes ago..........#missing the past is very fucked up btw. like wdym you're longing to be 14 years old again girl the only thing keeping u together back then#was a BAND and your unwillingness to not be there to witness any new stuff from said band. be serious 😑
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Sometimes I want to reach out to people when I'm having incredibly bad days with my anxiety and panic but it's like I really really dont want my friends to get loaded with the extent of just how severe and exhausting my mental health is.
#my period is giving me some really intense mood swings its genuinely very upsetting#and im pretty much on my own having to be the responsible adult in my home rn but like that plus my mental health rn#is pretty fucking bad#its also making me feel phsyically ill which in turn is triggering my compulsion to over monitor#every little thing in my body and i feel bad#because my mom really needs medical help and i dont want to be cutting in on the time she needs getting it#because i cant be a functioning adult damn near 30#its so frustrating because last time they left i did perfectly fine but this time around my anxiety is being a bitch again
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How about 2 + 70 Vettonso?
Royal AU x Locked in a Room
Keke I'm assuming you're asking for boy king au? 🤭🤭 I feel like they often get locked in rooms together because everyone is so done with their bickering. Like oh noooo we lost the key, you guys are gonna have to wait in there. Together. Alone. Unfortunately the locksmith lives across Vienna. Btw he’s scared of horse carriages. Oh no. Don’t worry, Mark makes sure to lock them in a room with a notable lack of sharp objects. I think when they’re away from everyone else, away from their situation, they feel a lot more comfortable with each other. They’re stuck in a room for the foreseeable future with no one else watching, what is the real point of putting up a front anymore in this situation; this is the man they’re going to be stuck with forever after all, just not in the confines of this specific room. They are both a very specific breed of ultra competitive and devoted, so even though they’re having a perfectly “normal” conversation about literature they enjoyed(Fernando: Machiavelli’s The Prince, he says it's a very good, relatable and interesting guide. Seb: Don Quixote, he told Fernando it reminds him of a certain someone), to everyone outside, it’s like “oh god what is that muffled yelling, are they scuffling???” When they’re not being scrutinized by the rest of the palace and court, I think they can have very calm constructive conversations about running the kingdom(no matter how seemingly competitive they sound.) Also even if Seb cares less about image than Fernando, I think he still definitely puts up a front, it’s just a lot less negative than Fernando; so this situation gives them a situation where they can be their most free and open selves. Yeah yeah they spend time alone together often, like in their bedchamber, but that still has a notable time limit most of the time, and technically one of them could just dip at any moment. So everytime they get conveniently stuck in a room, they come out of it a lot closer and a lot more aligned, and a lot more fond of each other. I say “come out of the room” but more often than not, they’re found passed out, cuddled together on some surface, the furniture and their clothes in disaray. I’ll leave it up to your imagination how they ended up there, and what their state of undress is 🤭
#i could be more dirty with this but i feel very deeply thoughful rn skjldskj#I saw this prompt and of course had THOUGHTS#but yeah genuinely no matter the au i think you could stick them in a room and i think they'd come out of it better and closer than before#it gives them a chance away from whatever situation is at hand and they're forced to see the other just for themselves yknow??#also the book choices are so funny to me#idk i constantly think abt fernando reading machiavelli. especially in this au#him and seb would just have the most intense convos abt it#seb: i think its satire actually. fernando: nah its a guide. i try to follow it as close as possible#<- as if he isnt a huge softy at heart and all that tough machiavellian stuff isnt just a cover#also dying at how different their perspectives on don quixote would be#seb is crying laughing reading it. he cant stop envisioning don quixote as fernando and laughing at the mental image#and fernando across the room reading The Prince is like. what's so funny??????#seb reads him some & nando just has the most befuddled look. like 'he is very honorable no? to have such a sense of honor is admirable yes?#actually half the time theyre found curled together on some lounge chair bcs they were reading to each other and fell asleep midway#<- all sleepily rumpled with the book having fallen to the wayside. their hair all messy and their faces muzzy with sleep#vettonso#catie.asks.#boy king au
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five yrs in forgotten valley would help akira tremendously
#stardust speaking !#'with what' i dont know#the farming game love is simply intense rn my heart aches for pixels forming trees and cows and turnips#also cuz mollys scene where she returned from a wedding of a former 'coworker' T_T not feeling like she belonged in the city#them more or less laughing at her when she spoke about her current job#oh my no1 love.....#matthew who feels like he isnt getting better & is frustrated about it#that nami scene where she admits she did intend to leave but she got hungry and wanted lou's cooking so she forgot about that & went back#premhyk akira is very.....lost to me T_T very kind and gentle but very. going along w the flow?#thinks of those lines about how they now can look at ppl at vincent & gilbert properly#while in the past they wouldve looked away & avoided them#also the line i always mention but akira taking comfort in the convo about burnt bread and jam and olive oil#lumina who plays perfectly but thats the issue because she just plays the notes. she isnt plyng like shes having fun#lumina who felt like she should become like her mother but also knows thats not what romana wants at all#luminas line about how practice feels like watching paint dry LMAAOOO I ADOREEEE her shes so. silly. so great#idk if ive ever said it here but forgetmenot valley has always been my favorite town. probably nostalgia factor but#i plyd hmds a tremendous amount LOL said i wouldnt marry muffy since i Always went for her in awl#so i went thro flora lumina nami.....rly like flora still i think shes cute#i miss leia too#also i read some of the engagement scenes and i rlyyyy like matthews and namis................(i like celias 9heart event a lot too LOL#i think shes cute#i should watch them too but i dont wanna yet ill do it some other time#also the gordy scene where he visits ur farm GOD the mc is SO cute T_T?!?!? the way they play w their dog ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!#thinking about flowerworks too......although i might be flawed but arent we all......#every step you took toughened the world....#god i Have been thinking about flowerworks lately but i havent listened cuz just thinking about the lyrics makes me tear up LOLT_T#akira and their wizards......1.5..........
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Hey fuck that anon “is this real” please mind your business and dont feel so entitled to the details of the personal lives of people you follow on this website???????
thank you nonnie <3 like fr i really don't mind sharing things if we are close friends and there have been other things i've been open about on here (like my mom's death for one) but this is something i've literally been ashamed of for the past 2 years so i don't think it's crazy for me to have kept it a secret yk
#and even then it wasn't a secret to the mutuals i'm close with. like kay & grace have known for 2 years. sara & rae have known for months.#my friends from home have known since like. two days after i figured it all out lol#yk why? bc we are friends! and i am comfortable w them!#and like there are still things i haven't talked abt on here even regarding the divorce and idk if i ever will! and that's ok!!!#bc i am just Some Person on here i'm not ur friend (for most of u) and i have my own life and my own boundaries#i am going thru a very emotionally intense thing in my life rn and i am breaking the heart of someone i really truly care about#so like. idk. if u have questions n i feel like answering them i will answer them but in the otherwise please let me go at my own pace.#asks#anonymous
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good morning luvtuals 🫶🏻 i’m gonna do a rant about last night in the tags. just a warning
#so yesterday my friend who i haven’t seen for months messaged me asking to hang out#he’s usually a really hermit and doesn’t like going out or having company or anything#so he was begging me to go to his house and i said no bevause i didn’t feel like drinking#and he was like what if i just come to yours#and i agreed cos i was like yeah why not then at least i get my bed after sk i’m happy BJT THEN#he comes over. it starts off good we are vibing we play some of those old kpop games on yt#and then i very passionately began talking about s’ho solo album and he out of nowhere was like#he was like man i really wanna kiss u rn#and i was just like….. nah but anyways let’s listen to this song#and then several hours go by and he’s getting annohilated like he’s like screaming and shit#then i picked up his phone for him cos he asked me to and i’m being so fr his home screen was an andrew tate quote#and i was like hmmm that’s sus#and then he started gettin really intense out of nowhere and LITERALLY FUCKJGKG STRANGLED ME THEN LEFT#i was like Huh?? HUH!!!!! like he got so mad at me cos i said i didn’t want him to take a $70 taxi home and that he could sleep in my spare#room and then he fr got livid and started trying to choke me out 😭😭😭😭
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(insane post incoming) okay i've been a taylor swift re-recordings hater since the beginning but the Speak Now re-recording is making me INSANE i think it's partially just that i'm having a weird time emotionally anyway but like "Timeless" made me TEAR UP like bro WHAT like something about it being soooo essentially of that era but new like the novelty of it BONKED me over the head with a reminder of what it felt like to hear all those songs off Speak Now for the first time when i just had this IDEA of what love was & hadn't actually experienced it yet (& wouldn't for many years!!) like way before i even knew i was a lesbian just listening to taylor sing "enchanted" alone in my bedroom wondering who the guy she was singing about was & if she ever saw him again (because i was #blessed to not have internet access and therefor not know it was the dude from owl city she was singing about alsdfhaklsdhfasdh) & i remember just pouring through the little lyric booklet & its pictures & intro & mostly it was just me & the music & this picture of her in a ballgown in my head & this made up but hopeful romantic idea of what love is and like S C R E A M
#anyway i'm doing fine in case you're wondering#not to overshare but i think it's like. also because in my relationship rn we are like having to work through some things & like not even#anything out of the ordinary like just compatibility stuff that comes up for any longterm couple but we started talking about like spending#the rest of our lives together in very hypothetical way but still like really early in the relationship & now my gf is more like 'okay i#do really want to date you but i want to focus on working through these things & it feels overwhelming to talk about the longterm future rn#like not even in a way where i don't trust them & us to work through this but i'm just like. at the end of the day i guess i AM a romantic#& do have this idealized version of love that i believe in like i think that can be a bad thing (part of what kept me with my abusive hs ex#& i think it can also be a strength like i think it's NICE that i can still so clearly see & believe in a future with my gf even when we ar#working through hard stuff & when they feel overwhelmed but like. it's like is that DUMB or just like. i feel my feelings in a really inten#*intense way that i DO think is (sigh) like taylor a LITTLE BIT & it's like oh what does it mean for other people to not necessarily share#my same relationship to love like even the people you love will have a different relationship to love than you if that makes sense which li#*like duh but is also feeling like a mindfuck rn ANYWAY in conclusion i don't think my feelings are REALLY just about speak now but i DO#also think Speak Now WAS this formative text for me & represents/influenced the way i relate to love and like. SIGH. well i am thinking#about it. and i DID listen to 'timeless' on repeat & feel so emotional over it i literally felt like i was going to throw up <3#and it's objectively like not even THAT good of a song asdlfjashdfasdfahsdf#anyway hiiiii how is everyone
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growing hair out is so fuckinggg awkward and im at least another 6 months at BEST from reaching classic 2010s manbun length so i just have to wear it loose. so thats driving me nuts but i am mostly enjoying my hair otherwise...
#my hair is long enough to tie back but not long enough to tie back flatteringly#in a way thats not very college girl#most evil thing for me personally is mostly liking women and being kind of fruity AND being ftm bc now im like#idk what to do with myself style wise lol most of ehat i find appealing is on girls. and i dont like wearing it myself. outside of a moment#one guy i heard say he would dress himself up like the kinds of girls he was into and thats my entire fashion struggle rn lol#im having some intense tshirt snd jeans moments rn. well i want to move to 1940s/50s sweater man at some point#but you know. i fucking hate trying to get pants#at this point i feel like i HAVE to wait until ive been on t for a while before i work on my wardrobe at all#also im kind of scared all my tshirts are going to look horrible on e agter that lie theyre going to be way too large. so as to be unfltteri#so that is haunting me every time i buy an xl instead of an l.
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today in defenses of boromir that no one asked for: tired of reading that boromir’s death was in vain because he failed to save merry & pippin from the uruk-hai. the fact that this clearly important warrior was willing to die to protect those two is what convinced the urukhai that they had indeed captured the halfing who carried whatever important thing saruman wanted. they took the hobbits to isengard (to isengard gard) because they thought they had the right ones! boromir didn’t succeed in preventing their capture but he did in fact keep them alive by making them seem valuable. furthermore, he actually also saves frodo in this way: because the orcs and uruk-hai think they have what they came for, they stop looking and turn back: if they had not, they might have ultimately found and captured frodo or at least raised the alarm that a hobbit with an Important Thing was on the loose, setting others searching. which is the very heart of tolkien’s worldview - that you do the right thing because it is right, and doing the right thing is never in vain.
to conclude this essay boromir died a hero and saved not just merry and pippin but also frodo and sam - and in doing so also saved himself from the ring’s attempt to twist him to its own ends
#YES THIS#I will not stand for trashing Boromir the whole entire reason the ring got to him first was by twisting his love for his people#and his sense of responsibility for them#there’s not a single other member of the Fellowship who has the same weight of leadership on their shoulders at this point in the narrative#don’t tell me about Aragorn yes he leads the rangers but that’s like being a king of cats they do fine on their own mostly#he literally was not convinced to let Gondor even know he was there until this exact moment Because Of Boromir#the only one with comparable protective responsibilities is Gandalf#and the second ranked literal Istari had BETTER outlast the very stressed human man#Boromir didn’t expect to be here man he VOLUNTEERED for the Mordor suicide mission AFTER telling everyone how suicidal it was#literally showed up to ask Elrond about a weird dream and was told#’oh hey yo we’re about to have a meeting about what to do with Sauron’s Ultimate Doom Weapon that just surfaced’#’yeah one of the creatures you thought weren’t real had it in the tiny sheltered pastoral outskirts of your known world’#’yeah we realized maybe we should have some human rep from like actual civilization’#’and not just the brooding forest man with the silly nickname’#’also turns out it’s the guy whose return is the literal point of your entire very difficult job apparently’#’according to the elf who will correct you loudly about it IN THE MIDDLE of a very important meeting full of very important people at which#you are trying to represent your kingdom well’#and then they take FOUR (4) of these little myth guys with apparently no combat skills#why? he may ask??#Gandalf shrugs: ‘they can be sneaky and they grow good weed’#my man is having a TIME ok#YOU try maintaining your mental health under these conditions even WITHOUT the evil Literally Actively Corrupts The Hearts Of Men accessory#which is btw around you 24/7#also no one else in the party wants to take the path back through the kingdom you feel bad for not being an active defender of rn#or rather#the guy who should Probably Already Be There based on the authority he is actively wielding to lead the party doesn’t#and everyone listens to HIM#look to be clear I love and get Aragorn but like#you gotta feel for Boromir here#and then he snapped out of it IMMEDIATELY and was intensely heroic about atoning
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