#literally showed up to ask Elrond about a weird dream and was told

[fancy-rock-dove]

today in defenses of boromir that no one asked for: tired of reading that boromir’s death was in vain because he failed to save merry & pippin from the uruk-hai.  the fact that this clearly important warrior was willing to die to protect those two is what convinced the urukhai that they had indeed captured the halfing who carried whatever important thing saruman wanted.  they took the hobbits to isengard (to isengard gard) because they thought they had the right ones!  boromir didn’t succeed in preventing their capture but he did in fact keep them alive by making them seem valuable.  furthermore, he actually also saves frodo in this way: because the orcs and uruk-hai think they have what they came for, they stop looking and turn back: if they had not, they might have ultimately found and captured frodo or at least raised the alarm that a hobbit with an Important Thing was on the loose, setting others searching.  which is the very heart of tolkien’s worldview - that you do the right thing because it is right, and doing the right thing is never in vain. 

to conclude this essay boromir died a hero and saved not just merry and pippin but also frodo and sam - and in doing so also saved himself from the ring’s attempt to twist him to its own ends

[garden-ghoul]

return of the blog, part 9

“I don’t want to stop thinking about the space opera version of the legendarium...”

THE FIELD OF CORMALLEN

The moment Sauron gets distracted and begins to doubt himself, every single one of his solders feels the hand lighten up on the back of their neck and goes “oh fuck, what am I doing?” WAIT. SO THE WAY SAURON KEEPS HIS SOLDIERS FROM DESERTING IS CONSTANTLY MIND CONTROLLING EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM? No, no, that probably only works when they’re all gathered together like this. Still, that’s a hell of a thing to be able to do. Think of all the stuff he could get done if he stopped spending 500% of his energy breathing down everyone’s necks!

Orodruin wheezes out a huge puff of black smoke. It’s Sauron, probably, or at least a metaphor for Sauron. He reaches out a threatening hand, but gets blown away by the wind before he can touch the Western Alliance. The people whose wills he enslaved are so confused that they start running around knocking into each other, tripping on their swords and dying, killing each other, they just do not know what is going on and it has massive casualties. A few of the humans who actually do hate the West hunker down and prepare to fight, but everyone else is running around like headless chickens. Gandalf asks Gwaihir to come fly him to Orodruin. Gwaihir is like “bro I am always here for you, I love you so much.” It’s very sweet and I want to hear more about their relationship.

Very jarringly, without so much as a section break (at least in my bootleg online copy) Frodo repeats his line from the end of last chapter, and then goes on to say some more extremely depressing things. Sam insists on walking a ways down the mountain, because what else are they going to do? But they fetch up in front of a huge pyroclastic flow so, no dice. Just as the eagles spot them, they both pass out. I really like how they each need an entire eagle to carry them, even though they are about a hundred pounds each probably, and I previously assumed these were giant eagles. Maybe they are... eagles that are only slightly larger than normal earth eagles?? Like, a condor and a half. Huge birds, but still of earthly proportion. Love it.

On April 8th, Sam wakes up again, and thinks he’s dreaming. This is nice and all, but they were literally starving when they were last awake several weeks ago (March 25th, Gandalf helpfully reminds us, which has now been declared new year’s day in Gondor). Unless someone invented intravenous feeding tubes while I wasn’t looking, they should be dead.

No. uh. ~~magic!~~

They walk outside (they’re in Ithilien, but Aragorn seems to be having his coronation here anyway? rather than in Minas Tirith?) and a bunch of people are shouting “PRAISE THE HOBBITS! PRAISE THEM WITH GREAT PRAISE! SAM AND FRODO HIP HIP HOORAY!” Which is extremely embarrassing. Even Aragorn, the guy of the day, takes their hands and shouts “PRAISE THEM WITH GREAT PRAISE!” This is starting to feel a little bit like a weird horror story, like where you wake up and the world has been altered in some way and everyone is acting Off and nobody will explain anything and it’s upsetting.

Sam, however, is just happy that someone wrote a song about Frodo.

They talk with everyone and feast and stuff for the whole day. Also apparently it’s Aragorn who kept them alive with his ~healing True King hands~. This still explains nothing. And I guess on May Day Aragorn is returning to Minas Tirith, for symbolism reasons. Waves a tiny flag apathetically. This was a very dull chapter because everything was summarized instead of told properly; we were supposed to feel happy, but it was like dutifully chewing kale. Except worse because I’m actually quite fond of kale. I can’t think of anything chewy. Gristle?

THE STEWARD AND THE KING

Heyyyyyy sounds like we’re gonna hear about Faramir! Fingers crossed for gay shit.

Eowyn is running around out of her bed when she shouldn’t be, because she’s as strong as a horse and bored bored bored. She picks a minor fight with the chief healer for saying maybe wars are bad and demands to know if there are any deeds to do. Gah I love her. Finally the healer, exasperated, takes her to the steward of the city so she can pester him instead. “Do not misunderstand him, lord,” says Éowyn. “It is not lack of care that grieves me. No houses could be fairer, for those who desire to be healed. But I cannot lie in sloth, idle, caged. I looked for death in battle. But I have not died, and battle still goes on."

Ugh. Eowyn is pulling a real Marius Pontmercy here.

“Make the healers let me go,” she says. 

“Have you considered... maybe they know what they’re doing?” says Faramir. 

“I WANT... TO GO TO BATTLE. I want to be like my father! Honorable and dead!” Okay why is Eowyn so set on being dead. I’m not entirely sure where this characterization is coming from. Has she always been lowkey suicidal and it just looked like she wanted to do glorious deeds? She sort of gives in eventually and accepts that this battle is already too far away for her to join in. Faramir doesn’t want her to be bored and antsy, so he asks her to hang out with him while they’re both healing. He also tells her she’s beautiful, and she’s like “Uhhhh sorry I’m too butch for this.” And leaves.

Faramir hunts down Merry to question him about Eowyn, and they loiter in the garden hopefully waiting for her to show up. She doesn’t. She does come later, and they start hanging out a lot. He gives her a super nice coat that his mom (Finduilas of Amroth!) used to own. Eowyn keeps looking toward Mordor and sighing and saying “When will he come back??” And it’s clear she’s utterly oblivious to Faramir’s gentle flirting. But she does hold hands with him without either of them noticing, so ???

AH. Faramir also makes a Numenor comparison as great plumes of smoke rise up from Mordor:

It seemed to them that above the ridges of the distant mountains another vast mountain of darkness rose, towering up like a wave that should engulf the world, and about it lightnings flickered; and then a tremor ran through the earth, and they felt the walls of the City quiver. A sound like a sigh went up from all the lands about them; and their hearts beat suddenly again.

‘It reminds me of Númenor,’ said Faramir. “The land of Westernesse that foundered and of the great dark wave climbing over the green lands and above the hills, and coming on, darkness unescapable. I often dream of it.’

Ugh I don’t even care about Hamilton but I think so much about that line that’s like “I imagine death so often it feels more like a memory.” It’s both how I feel about Faramir, and clearly how Faramir himself feels.

Just then an eagle flies by the city, singing the news. This is so goofy compared to Faramir’s congenital solemnity. Oh this is good though. After he takes up stewardship of the city Eowyn has an Angst. Faramir tries to be oblique about asking if she likes him, but she makes him come out and say it.

‘Éowyn, do you not love me, or will you not?’

‘I wished to be loved by another,’ she answered. ‘But I desire no man’s pity.’

I’m gay? oh haha,

'As a great captain may to a young soldier he seemed to you admirable. For so he is, a lord among men, the greatest that now is. But when he gave you only understanding and pity, then you desired to have nothing, unless a brave death in battle.’

Haha yes gogol was right

'Do not scorn pity that is the gift of a gentle heart, Éowyn! But I do not offer you my pity. For you are a lady high and valiant and have yourself won renown that shall not be forgotten; and you are a lady beautiful, I deem, beyond even the words of the Elven-tongue to tell. And I love you. Once I pitied your sorrow. But now, were you sorrowless, without fear or any lack, were you the blissful Queen of Gondor, still I would love you.’

“I would love you even if you were happy” is such a fucked up thing to have to say, honestly. BUT, “I love you for doing great deeds and this is not a pity-date” is exactly what Eowyn wants to hear, probably.

‘I will be a shieldmaiden no longer, nor vie with the great Riders, nor take joy only in the songs of slaying. I will be a healer, and love all things that grow and are not barren.’

Wait

I mean. This is a great thing, not killing people, and I have always associated becoming trans with putting down one’s sword, but this feels like. “oh finally she can be a real woman.” So Johnald thinks, but in fact Eowyn is trans and wants to be a gentleman/gentle man. So I’m putting my grubby queer fingers all over this and saying it’s really good that Eowyn is associating masculinity with peace and healing and growth.

Faramir asks Eowyn to marry him and she says,

‘Then must I leave my own people, man of Gondor? And would you have your proud folk say of you: “There goes a lord who tamed a wild shieldmaiden of the North! Was there no woman of the race of Númenor to choose?”’

For some dumb reason he interprets this as her being worried about his reputation, rather than her being worried about being asked to leave her entire family behind and be an item of curiosity as long as she lives in Gondor??

And then he kisses her. Ugh.

After this Aragorn and co come back, and Aragorn does a bunch of symbolic junk with symbols of office. He pardons everyone. The city is full of flowers and babies to kiss. Faramir becomes the prince of Ithilien. Eowyn goes home to Rohan to rebuild, but says she’ll come back when she can finally bring Theoden back and put him at rest in Rohan. That’s some good shit. Also Aragorn finds a Nimloth sapling just sort of hanging out on the mountain. Gandalf points at it and Aragorn is like “oh” 

“guess I’ll take this home then”

Then Galadriel and Elrond show up and Aragorn gets married. Either that or he and Arwen are just holding hands. Gotta say, I can not relate to any of this. Where is the trauma. Where is the trauma!

[tanoraqui]

More Details Below the Cut, in no particular order:

Maedhros does do like 25% of the work of being Mayor, because Maglor (they might have uncomfortable human names but I'm not thinking them up) keeps showing up on his doorstep like, "Pleeease do my paperwork. I'll play music while you do!" and a still-present Older Brother instinct makes Maedhros agree.

Also Maedhros is happier without remembering all the horrors he's endured and committed, but he's still fundamentally a depressed widower, so the company is nice.

Galadriel does another 25% of the work of being Mayor, not because Maglor asks but because she retains her scathing scorn and disgust for him, and knows she can do a better job. (Otherwise, she's the baker and owner of the town bakery.)

Finrod runs the classic small-town diner that's the heart and soul of the town, knows everyone's names, hosts weekly game, trivia, and/or karaoke nights, etc. He's also a werewolf, or becomes a werewolf early on, because there's also a handful of monsters in the nearby woods and werewolfism is transmittable here in a way it wasn't in Middle Earth, for reasons, and Finrod happened to run into one Totally At Random

[Annatar whistles Completely Innocently, then cackles about Sweet, Sweet Ironic Vengeance while no one is looking]

Finrod and Amarië did get married before she came east with the Host of the West, but their of them remembers so they're just Mutually Pining!! Amarië is a music teacher, making her Maglor's rival as he does that part-time

At some point, Finrod bites her (drama! angst!) so she is also a werewolf, and this actually solves problems because now they can fuck play werewolf tag on full moons instead of mauling their friends and family

(There's also some orcs, giant spiders, a small dragon and a very patient balrog out there, somewhere)

Elwing is the town vet, specializing in wounded seabirds (they just kind of show up)

Idril runs the beachfront hotel, and Tuor is her assistant manager and a Coast Guard reserve (ie, go-to guy with a boat for emergencies).

Fun fact!: Idk why Elros got separated from everyone else, but that separation is not why he's aged when no one else has. That's because their...circumstances? in this town are frozen, but all the people aren't aging because they're still, fundamentally, Elves. Elros and Elrond had already made their Choices, though they hadn't told anyone, so Elrond got dragged back to age 9ish but he's been aging at slow elf-speed from there, and Elros aged as a Man.

So why is Tuor unaging with everyone else? Well, there's actually been one (1) Valarin communication: early on, Tuor had a weird dream where the ocean told him he needed to keep seawater on his person at all times or he wouldn't be able to stay with his wife, and he loves his wife and also the ocean so he was like, "alright" and made a little amulet, which is literally just a tiny glass bottle full of seawater on a thin chain around his neck. Everyone thinks it's enchanted but it's more that so long as Tuor is wearing it, Ulmo can triangulate on him + the seawater to channel enough Good Vibes to keep his boy alive and well.

Of course there's an "episode" in which Tuor's amulet is lost and/or stolen and he starts aging at super-speed, and they have to figure out all of the above and also Elrond and Elros finally unlock their memories of their respective Choices!!

Finarfin is the town librarian. Eärwen either owns the local pool (summer) and ice skating rink (winter) or a beachside tchotchke shop. Lalwen is an event organizer and independently wealthy. Círdan is the dockmaster. There's at least one Ingwion somewhere. Celeborn is Galadriel's trophy husband. Also present but I'm not sure what their jobs are: Gil-galad, Anairë.

Celebrimbor is the town mechanic/general "guy who can fix anything." Maglor "knows" that Sauron doesn't remember anything, and he seems decent enough here, but if that sonofabitch doesn't stop flirting with Maglor's fully grown and independent baby nephew, Maglor is going to--

(Note: this is not a silvergifting happy ending au. This is a "Sauron long-cons everyone into 'foiling' his plans to trick them into fulfilling his ultimate plan of breaching the Doors of Night so Melkor can return" au.)

Eärendil was just on the edge of the range of the Song when it was Sung, such that people are aware that there's supposed to be a fisherman in town...but he's always "out at sea" when anyone looks for him. From Eärendil's pov, he has spent this whole time DESPERATELY trying to get home (to Elwing, "home" is always Elwing)...and when he finally achieves it, he thus falls under the curse and doesn't remember her at all. He remembers being married to someone completely different. [blows a kiss to @isi7140]

Worth repeating: in my mind, the above is the end of an episode, like, Elwing pulls Eärendil through some shimmering barrier on the sea, maybe he falls into her arms from above for symmetry. They embrace, maybe kiss... As they part, Elwing is experiencing a speed replay of her entire life, all memory returned with this key trigger. Then Eärendil pulls away with polite confusion and apology, and total non-recognition, on his face...

...and the next episode starts with Elwing barging into Maglor's (house? mayoral office?), snarling, "You sonofabitch!" and punching him in the face with zero hesitation and all force.

Throughout the "season", flashbacks slowly reveal that a complete clusterfuck of hot potato was going on with the 2 Silmarils right before Maglor cast this new Song - Maedhros snuck out just after Maglor to try to take them alone and save his brother the extra sin, but Elros and Elrond were already trying to steal them just to get them away from more people the Fëanorians would inevitably kill, while Gil-galad tried to stop them, while Galadriel went to block whatever her terrible cousins would inevitably try, while Eärwen tried to find her and convince her to Sail, while Finrod tried to stop his mother from making Galadriel's stubbornness worse, while Sauron was idling around to see if maybe he could grab them while no one else was looking, while Celebrimbor wondered if the Oath would be satisfied by his hands on the Silmarils...

...through all that, wveryone (who remembered) was expecting Eärendil to have a Silmaril. He does not. (An eventual flashback reveals that he'd given it back to Elwing for a while. It's been disguised as her wedding ring the whole time.)

The reason time started moving again when Elros arrived in town is that he actually has the second Silmaril, though he doesn't know it. It's disguised as something completely innocuous and even the Oath-bound Fëanorians can't recognize it or Elwing's ring until they know what it is.

When they have all 3, they can reverse the Song and return home...but where is the third?!

(The Oath isn't a problem, btw, until the Fëanorioni remember their own selves and the disguised Silmaril is revealed to them. Even then, in Maine rather than Beleriand, it's a...driving itch, but an ultimately ignorable one. with effort. It's not driving them slowly mad. It helps also that they aren't currently losing an apocalyptic war and instead have accidentally re-developed somewhat of a support network.)

(You can lightly jog their memories/motivate them to aid or opposition of a plan by quoting the Oath, though. Like, Maglor, "For the love of Eru--for Darkness Everlasting if our deed faileth, Nelyo, stop asking questions and get in the car!", and from even more than his panicked tone and the worrying half-nonsense, something in Maedhros's brain clicks, oh, this is important.)

FUTURE PLOTS:

...well, first note that officially, the plot of s1 is every episode there's 1 mundane plotline and 1 supernatural plotline, and Elros and Elrond try to solve the immediate problems while also figuring out wtf is going on here and trying to fix it. Their tools are their wits + slowly translating the Noldolantë from Quenya, + slowly regaining memories while they do that. Maglor is...not really actively villainous, but definitely obstructive, because he doesn't want to break anything further, and he refuses to break the charade. It's an ongoing I Know You Know, though at first neither team knows that the other knows.

...well, at the end of s1, they use the Silmarils to at least partially break the Song, so now everyone remembers. S2 is thus everyone Dealing With That, inevitably including multiple parking lot fistfights.

S2 may also include just enough trips back to Arda to meet people who weren't within range of the initial Song. Namely: Nerdanel, Findis, Indis. Might even fully un-Sing this spin-off Melody?

...and then reprise it somehow, and in S3, I think the original townspeople still remember who they are, or have re-remembered after forgetting for a while...and the dead start showing up. The formerly dead. Fëanorians, Fingolfinians, Finarfinians... Elves only. Mandos has somehow been jailbroken.

The returned don't remember their real selves. Everyone else has to cope with that.

(Memory or not, Fingon's first reappearance involves him leaping in to save someone from a monster in the woods.)

When the Song reset, at least 2 of the Silmarils were lost again, disguised as random objects and nobody knows what.

Fëanor and Fëanor alone does recognize the Silmarils on sight even if he doesn't remember them or himself, and can't fully tell what they are. But he recognizes them as something belonging to him, even if intellectually he "knows" that's, say, Elwing's wedding ring.

Huan also returns at some point this season, and Celegorm eventually reforms himself enough that they can be partners again. This IS a Celegorm&Huan happy ending au.

hit new crack au: ABC’s Once Upon a Time but make it Silmarillion (or, The Silmarillion but make it OUAT? Idk how best to phrase this)

Weird town in Maine populated by people who used to be a mythical soap opera of varyingly war-crimey Elves, and maybe a couple Maiar, Men, and weird combinations of any and all of the above; but don’t remember it

Elros is an accountant* in Boston who maybe just got laid off when a 10yo shows up claiming to be his long-lost twin brother, no really, look at this book I found in my (adoptive) dad’s attic and see if it jogs your memory like it’s been jogging mine! [the book is a handwritten manuscript of the Noldolantë (extended edition; covers whole First Age)]

*the main character of OUAT is a bounty hunter/town sheriff but consider: ACAB; white collar crime is sexier anyway; if time starts moving again then everyone suddenly has to do their taxes!; and who better to get involved in everyone’s messy affairs than a CPA?