#feeling so tired and letting myself take a break

[peppermintquartz]

Hondo calls Deacon after dinner. "Hey. Kinda need to talk with you?"

"If it's about what you were asking me in HQ earlier this week, I'm not talking about it with you, Hondo."

"I saw you with Rocker today."

Hondo can't believe what he is saying even as the words spill out. The image of Deacon kissing Rocker's hand is seared in his mind and he still feels thrown by it. The sheer concept of Deacon divorcing Annie is already so far beyond what Hondo thinks is possible, and he's currently awash in disbelief that Deacon is actually cheating on his wife. He won't be able to work with Deacon until they have a proper conversation.

Deacon inhales sharply. Then he says, "Text me a location, I'll see you there."

---

Deacon arrives ten minutes late.

"You and Rocker?" Hondo says as an opener.

"Yes," Deacon says.

Hondo rubs a hand over the top of his head. "Hell... Deac, why? How and why?"

Deacon tilts his head and studies Hondo coolly. Then he says, "I'm gonna need a drink to get through this." Standing, he goes to the bar and grabs a beer, bringing one along for Hondo as well.

When he sits down again, he doesn't look at Hondo for a long moment. It's uncomfortable. Hondo can't recall the last time he was uncomfortable in Deacon's company. Finally, Deacon exhales, low and resigned.

"Listen, Hondo. Me and Donovan... It's not something either of us expected, but it is how it is. If you're gonna tell me to break it off, that it'll hurt our careers - his more than mine, let's be honest - and all of that... We've already gone over it."

"Donovan," Hondo echoes flatly.

"Yes, Donovan." Deacon's gaze is as steadfast as it has always been.

"Wow." The beer is cold in his hand and he sets it on the table, cocking his head to look at the beads of condensation roll down the side of the bottle.

Deacon takes a long swig of his beer. Then he leans forward on his elbows. "Hondo. How long have you known me? Hmm? Do you think I would do anything this serious without having considered alternatives? That I haven't tried any other avenue?"

"That's not what I am trying to say, man. I'm just... I'm just shocked. You and Annie have been together ages, and-and I always thought of you two as, I don't know, the ideal."

For the first time since Hondo confronted him almost a week ago, Deacon looks tired. "i thought so too. It happened so suddenly and I wasn't prepared for... for this storm. I've prayed, fasted, gone to confession. Therapy. Hell, Donovan kept telling me to go back to Annie, and every damned time, when I was hurting or scared or upset or just... pissed off, I think of him. I think of him. And I feel better."

That's not something Hondo expected to hear. "But you love Annie," he says, hoping that means something. "Don't you?"

"I do," Deacon says. Resignation colors his expression and his tone. "I will always love her. She's the mother of my kids, and she has been my staunchest supporter and I have been happy to support her in her career too. And honestly? I would've forced myself to remain in the marriage, for the kids if nothing else, but it's come to the point I dread going home. I dread it."

"So you hooked up with Rocker? Deac, it's a crisis in the marriage, that's not worth cheating on Annie."

A strange expression flits over Deacon's face. He narrows his eyes and asks, "How long do you think I've been with him?"

"Two months? Ten weeks?"

"Over a year and a half."

"Almost two years?" How has he missed the signs? Or did Deacon and Rocker really manage to pull the wool over everyone's eyes? It has to be the latter because there was no way, no way, that gossip of the two of them in an affair wouldn't set HQ on fire. "Since when?"

"Since Sydney. You know, the one Hicks said you weren't allowed to attend after all that drama in Thailand?" Deacon leans back in his seat and he traces patterns in the condensation on the table.

"Did he seduce you? Did he, uh, I don't know. Did he get you drunk, or-or something?"

Deacon chuckles. "Wow. You're really trying to paint him as the bad guy, huh." He sighs. "Sorry, but, uh, I was the one who jumped him. The only thing he did wrong was not to punch me in the mouth after I kissed him." Deacon blows out a breath and laughs quietly again. Then his expression grows pensive as he regards Hondo. "He's not the one to blame. Every time he pulled away, I went after him. Hell, at some point he could've torpedoed my career by arresting me as a stalker. I chased after him. Couldn't stop thinking about him and couldn't cut ties with him. I don't know how to explain it."

There's a lot Deacon isn't saying. Hondo drinks his beer in silence for a while, trying to digest the information. "You said he pulled away."

"Yes, several times." With a small shrug, Deacon adds, "He went out of his way to schedule opposite shifts from 20-Squad. We fought about it. At one point I wanted to quit SWAT because I couldn't bear it. He talked sense into me, and then he made me promise to go our separate ways, told me to really work on my marriage."

Hondo raises his eyebrows. His eyes fall on the empty space on Deacon's ring finger.

"I tried. But every time I held Annie or kissed her or, heck, even just holding her hand... It didn't feel right, not anymore. Sleeping next to her while thinking of another was a special kind of torture." Deacon takes a long gulp of his beer and shuts his eyes. "I feel like such a failure admitting that out loud."

What can Hondo say to that? He doesn't have the right words for this. Nichelle would know how to approach the matter with more tact.

"I tried to focus on giving Annie what she needed, what she wanted. Focused on the kids. But I soon realized it was too late for that. The the affair was over for more than three months - a hundred and eleven days - when I finally decided that I was done lying to myself. I can't live a lie for the rest of my life... so I decided on divorce."

Hondo shakes his head in disbelief. "Really? You'd give up on your marriage and your family for him?"

"Hey. What's that tone? 'For him'?"

"Deac. It's Rocker. He's always been, like, mini-Mumford. He's competitive and cocksure and he snipes at us whenever he can."

"And he always shows up for us when we need him. And don't act like we don't like poking him in his sore spots either, okay? We're no angels." Deacon scratches the tip of his nose. "You only see him at work, Hondo. I'm not gonna go into details, but he's a completely different guy out of the uniform."

"I'm taking your word for it," says Hondo, slightly chastened, and then adds with a little smirk, "And I am not interested in hearing about him out of his uniform."

"Shut - You know I didn't mean it that way." Deacon's laughing now, shaking his head. Then he shrugs and rolls his eyes. "Okay, I did mean it that way. A little bit."

"Ah, no, I don't need to hear any of that."

That weak joke cracks the ice that was growing between them, and somehow Hondo breathes a little easier.

"But... is divorce really what you want?"

"It wasn't an easy decision to make. When I decided I had to tell Annie, I sat in my car and cried. I was a wreck. All I wanted was to go home to Donovan and I couldn't. So I cleaned myself up, got back to my house, kissed my kids as they slept, thinking that maybe, maybe looking at them, I could change my mind. And then I saw Annie in our bedroom and I knew I'd passed that point. You've no idea..." Deacon's stoic mask slips a little and the heartbreak is evident. "I love her. I do. But I can no longer bear to be with her. So I told her I wanted a divorce."

Hondo can't wrap his head around it. He loves Nichelle and he means to keep loving her as his wife for as long as he can. He can't picture walking away from Vivienne either.

Deacon clears his throat. "And the next day, she asked me again, if I meant it. And I still did. I still do. I wish... I wish it had never come to this." His lips twitch. "I fled the house and I went straight to Donovan's and for the first time in months, I felt like I could breathe." He scoffs and shakes his head. "All those times when I judged people for not upholding their marriage vows, for infidelity... And now I'm an adulterer, about to live in sin with my boyfriend."

Hondo hissed in a breath. "Divorce is one thing, but... Deacon, your faith means so much to you. The church - annulment of marriage is a really difficult thing for Catholics, right? And the kids. They're gonna be so confused," he says. "My father walked out on my mom and us for someone else, and we hated him for decades. I don't want that for you."

"I don't want them watching me grow increasingly resentful of their mother and of my marriage, Hondo." Deacon sighs. "As for the church, well. There are ways. I'll try to find the best way to give Annie the best chance at love in the future, with someone who'll love her the way she deserves, the way the kids deserve. As for my faith? Well, God will decide. If He says that I'm to be damned for my sins of loving Donovan, then let it be so."

From anyone else, it may sound melodramatic. But Hondo knows that Deacon genuinely means it. His friend has devoted himself to his faith for decades, and his roots in his belief are strong; for him to make this decision must have been harrowing.

"Custody?"

"I'll let Annie decide if she wants full or partial custody. I don't plan to fight her on anything, as long as I still have visitation rights at the very least." Deacon smiles bitterly. "It's a relief, being able to talk openly about all this." He clinks the neck of his beer bottle against Hondo's. "Thanks for, I don't know. This."

Hondo chews on the inside of his cheek. "So today, at the cafe with Rocker... You plan on coming out with him."

"We're talking about it. And he's..." A smile that's light and tender spreads over Deacon's face. "He tried to talk me out of the divorce, like you. But he's also happy about me choosing him. He's not exactly sure how to feel." He sighs. "I've put him in a tough spot for almost two years. I hate that so much. He's not meant to hide in the shadows and I selfishly forced him there."

"Does Annie know it's Rocker?"

"Not yet. She knows it's a man I'm involved with. But she will, soon, once Donovan and I decide how to proceed from here." Deacon looks at Hondo. "Or do you plan to tell her?"

For a moment, Hondo deliberated the choice. Eventually, he shakes his head. "I think that's something you need to tell her in person."

"Yeah. Yes I do." Deacon sighs. "I know I'm destroying something I've built for over ten years. I know Annie and the kids are gonna hate me and Donovan for a long, long time, if they ever forgive me." His mouth twists.

"So why do it?"

"Because I know that it's not a mistake. Nothing inside me - my mind, my heart, my conscience - says it's a mistake to see it through." The older man sighs. "I'm not trying to convince you. I'm not trying to convince anyone. I just know this is what I'm supposed to do. What I do regret is putting them through all of this. I feel guilty that I am choosing my own happiness over theirs, and ashamed I waited until I could no longer bear it to force this upon them."

Hondo finishes his beer. "I don't know if I can support you through this, Deac. I really don't."

"You don't have to." Deacon pauses and considers his words. "Support Annie and the kids. Especially the kids. I don't know if Annie will let me talk to them once I start the paperwork, but I need them to understand that I will love them with every fiber of my being till the end of my days." He reaches across the table and wraps his hands around Hondo's wrist. "Please."

"I can do that. Nichelle and I can both do that."

Deacon tightens his grip and smiles. "Thank you."

[littlefireball]

ᴡʏ|[ᴍ]|ᴀ ʀᴏᴀᴅ ᴛʀɪᴘ

ʙᴏʏꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴡᴏᴏʏᴏᴜɴɢ x ɢɪʀʟꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: ꜱᴍᴜᴛ|ꜰɪɴɢᴇʀɪɴɢ|ᴅᴏᴍ & ꜱᴜʙ (?)|ᴏʀᴀʟ (ᴀ ʙɪᴛ)|ꜱʜᴏʀᴛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ|ɴᴏ ᴘʟᴏᴛ (ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ᴏꜰ ᴀɴʏ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ..ʜᴍᴍ…ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ 18)

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 1.9ᴋ

Summary: your legs are sore because of the long drive and your boyfriend decides to give you a personal comfortable massage.

(a/n: Happy birthday to me (author time) wakaka so i prepare a fic for myself 😌 😌 continue to write more Wooyoung fic hahaha)

The golden rays of the sun filter through the car window, casting a warm glow inside. As you lounge in the passenger seat, you stretch your limbs, your face still wrapped in the remnants of sleep.

"Morning, love! Sleep well?" Wooyoung asks, a playful smile dancing on his lips as he glances at your drowsy expression before returning his attention to the road ahead.

You respond with a sleepy smile and a nod. After a long break from exercise, your legs feel achy, prompting you to stretch them within the confines of the seat.

"Sore?" Wooyoung chuckles softly, watching your legs sway back and forth.

"Just a bit."

He places his hand on your thigh, applying gentle pressure. "How about a massage?"

"But you're driving."

"One hand will do."

Wooyoung's hand gently massages your arching calf, the soothing touch bringing some relief to your tired muscles.

"Thanks, babe." you say with a relieved sigh.

He grins, his eyes still focused on the road. "Alway happy to help."

You find yourself relaxing further into the seat, the gentle massage and the rhythmic hum of the engine lulling you into a pleasant, half-dozy state.

Wooyoung steals frequent glances at you, his expression tender as he sees you gradually relaxing. "You look so cute when you're sleepy."

His eyes drift from the road to your bare thighs, captivated. As you bend your legs on the seat, the oversized hoodie slips lower, revealing more skin. His hands glide upward, encouraging the fabric to slide along the curve of your thighs. With a teasing touch, his fingers begin to trace a small circle on your inner thigh, pausing to gauge your response.

You take a moment to register his change in touch, his strong yet gentle hand now venturing higher on your leg, edging closer to your most sensitive area.

A blush creeps onto your face, your cheek warming at his teasing touch. "Woo-Wooyoung…" you stutter, your voice shaky.

His smirk widens, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he looks over at you. "Yes, love?" he asks in a tone that is sweet and yet laced with lust.

His fingers continue to move torturously, slowly tracing circles on your inner thigh, getting ever closer to your heat.

You stifle a gasp, your breath coming in shallow bursts as his fingers continue their tantalizing dance, now maddeningly close to your most sensitive spot.

You try to keep a straight face, but the flush of your cheeks betrays the effect his touch is having on you. "You're distracted," you murmur, half-heartedly trying to chide him.

"Oh, I'm distracting you, you mean?" he replies, his tone smug as he feigns innocence. "I'm just trying to give you a little extra comfort on this long ride."

He gently massages your inner thigh, his fingers now so close to your heat that you can feel the heat of his touch through your thin fabric.

The sensation is both maddening and delicious, your body responding to his touch against your will.

His hand continues to move, his touch getting firmer now, almost possessive. Your mind is a dizzy mess, caught between wanting to pull away and wanting to lean into his hand.

"Still sore?" he murmurs, his voice low and sultry.

"Sore... yeah," you manage to gasp out, your voice betraying the turmoil of desire and embarrassment you're feeling.

Wooward smirk grows even wider, his eyes darkening with arousal. "Maybe I should try a different kind of massage."

With those words, his hand suddenly moves to press firmly against your clothed clit, the pressure sudden and intense through the thin fabric of your panties

You let out a soft gasp, your body tensing at the unexpected jolt of pleasure.

"Wooy-Wooyoung..." you stutter, your voice thick with need.

He chuckles, his voice a low, rumbling sound. "Seems like someone's enjoying this."

His fingers start to move again, rubbing against you in tantalizing circles. The sensations of his touch through the fabric are maddening, both too much and not enough.

"You like this, don't you?" he asks, his tone a mix of tease and desire.

Your head can only manage a slight nod, your thoughts enveloped in a haze of bliss. Your hips instinctively roll toward his hand, craving the tantalizing friction that ignites your senses.

He grins at your reaction, his gaze drinking in the sight of you—your cheeks flushed and your hips swaying gently against his touch. "So eager," he whispers, his voice a deep, resonant growl.

His fingers speed up, the pressure increasing against your heat. "Look at you, so responsive to me. You wanted this all along, didn't you?"

All you can manage is a soft moan, words slipping away as pleasure floods your being. Your body responds to his caress like a finely tuned instrument, each movement and stroke sending ripples of ecstasy coursing through you.

He presses his thumb down firmly on your sensitive spot, gliding it up and down with a deliberate, steady rhythm that elicits a soft gasp from your lips. The chill of his touch contrasts sharply with the warmth of your skin, making you acutely aware of just how wet your panties have become. A cool breeze from the air conditioner sweeps over you, sending a delightful shiver racing down your spine.

You bend your back just a bit, leaning into his caress like a feline craving affection from its master. The chill of his fingers against your warm skin creates a thrilling contrast, sending waves of sensation coursing through you, leaving you dizzy with desire.

Your breaths quicken, coming in rapid bursts, as your body responds instinctively to every glide of his thumb, surrendering to the overwhelming pleasure.

Wooyoung beams at your reactions, clearly relishing the way your body responds to his every caress. "You're so eager," he murmurs, his voice a sultry whisper that sends shivers down your spine. "I love how you react to my every touch."

Your hips involuntarily buck against his hand, seeking more contact. "W-Wooyoung..." you manage to pant out, your voice barely above a whisper.

He chuckles softly, clearly amused and aroused by your desperate responsiveness. "What is it, love? Do you want more?"

"Yes...more," you gasp, your body moving as if it has a mind of its own, arching and pressing against him, yearning to feel his touch deeper.

He grins at your response, clearly enjoying the effect he's having on you. "I could do this all day, you know."

"Please...don't tease," you whimper. The ache between your thighs is growing increasingly sharp, the need for release growing more urgent.

"Oh, but you make it so fun," he replies, his tone teasing but also slightly possessive. "You're so sensitive, so responsive to my touch."

"I'll do anything..." you gasp out, your mind clouded with need, your only focus is the delicious friction of his thumb on your heat.

He chuckles again, relishing your submission. "Anything, hmm?" he repeats, his voice lowering an octave. "That's a dangerous offer to make, love. I might take it." Wooyoung moves his hand to the edge of your panties, toying it with a teasing act. His hand slips inside the thin fabric, caressing your round hip while gripping hard. You can't help but bite your lips to hold your moan, a lump in your throat is hard to muffle as he reaches down to your core.

Your body shivers at the intensity of his move, your eyes meeting him for a brief moment before darting away, your submission complete and total. "Please," you whisper, your voice barely audible. "Just...more."

"You ask for this." Without a second thought, his middle and ring fingers insert inside your warmth. Wooyoung pauses for a moment, enjoying the sight of your back arch for his touch and how you struggle to handle the sudden stretch. The feeling of your wall tightening around his fingers drives him crazy, the way you suck him in makes him can't help but start to batter your sensitive spot.

Your head tilts back, eyes squeezed shut, as a flush of crimson spreads across your neck and cheeks, the air caught in your throat. Your fingers clutch the armrest fiercely, knuckles blanching as he drives in and out with rapid intensity.

"y-your fingers… oh my god…" The moaning finally breaks through and flies from your tongue, covering all the noise from the engine. The knot of tension builds up within your body, a tightly coiled spring ready to snap. The pulsed sensation makes you realize how close you are. Every stroke of his fingertips sends more waves of ecstasy through you, bringing you over the edge.

"You're so close, aren't you?" He asks, his tone knowing and taunting. "Just a bit more and you'll go over the edge." He increases the pressure and speed of his fingers, just a fraction more.

Your body tightens, teetering on the brink of overwhelming ecstasy. "Please...please...please," you breathe, your voice a mix of desperation and yearning.

His voice drips with desire as he observes your battle against the precipice. "Beg for it," he orders, his tone unwavering and authoritative.

"Please," you manage to utter. "Please...I can't..." The urgency for release consumes you. "Please...just let me…"

A grin plays on his lips, he clearly enjoys the fact that he's reducing you to a quivering mess. "You want it so badly, don't you?" He murmurs, his voice a low, gravelly rumble.

"Ye-yes…" you gasp out, your body writhing under his touch. "So badly…please…please…I'll do anything. Just let me come."

Your need and submission turn him on even harder. He parks the car and unbuckles his seatbelt, pulling out his hand to cause a whine to leave your lips. He tugs your soaked panties down enough to expose your lower core, lowering his head to touch it with his lips.

"Fuckkkk…!!" His tongue delves into your entrance and swirls around to collect all your juices. Your fingers clenched around his hair, pushing him deeper to the place you arch for the most. He suddenly sucks hard to make you tighten, the way he let out a low growl sending extra vibration to your spot. Your whole body shakes from the overwhelming and your mind is already faded away and lost in pleasure.

"Come." His command ignites a fire within you, leaving you unable to restrain yourself any longer. "Woo…Wooyoung…!!" With that, you unravel completely, your body trembling and quaking fiercely as waves of ecstasy wash over you.

"Come here," He issues a command, his voice a deep, resonant whisper. You're still catching your breath, your body slowly coming down from the exhilarating high. As you gaze at him, your eyes still clouded with remnants of ecstasy, you gradually start to shift closer to him.

He pulls you onto his lap, his hands wrapping around your waist, pulling you closer. "Now, we gotta finish something" he murmurs, his voice a low, rough whisper. "Did you say you'll do anything if I let you come?" His arching crotch nestles between your thighs, entering your redden and soaked hole with the tip. The grip on his shirt tightens, you meet his dark and dangerous gaze as he grip your chin to force you look up.

"You know what you need to do, hm?Darling?" His grins send you goosebumps. And you can tell, it must be a long, long road trip.

tag list: @angelsaway, @yeosangcutie0615, @monsta-x-jagi

[moonlightdreamzz]

late nights — bang chan, hyunjin, wooyoung, and niki. ♡

it feels so good to be seen and loved, especially after an exhausting day.

bang chan

truthfully, you don’t even know how you made it here in one piece—here, being chris’ studio. utterly exhausted doesn’t even begin to cover it, but the day is finally over, and you’re holding onto that small grace. not like you have much of a choice, right?

your eyes flutter shut for just a second as you lean against the door, the light thud startling you back to the moment. you laugh quietly at yourself, embarrassed by how ready your body was to believe this was the end of the day, before finally pushing the door open.

you and chris share the same curse: you work too hard, and far too much. so, it doesn’t surprise you to see him exactly as you left him this morning—headphones on, hunched over his computer, eyes flickering across the screen. even from the doorway, you can hear the bass pumping loud enough to feel it in your chest.

you weren’t planning on saying anything. the couch beside his desk had your name written all over it, and all you wanted was to curl up and let sleep take over until he was ready to leave. but somehow, you find enough strength to call out to him.

“baby.”

it’s almost immediate, the way his head snaps toward you, his eyes softening as soon as they land on yours. it’s like you’re the only thing in the world that matters. his headphones are off in seconds, tossed carelessly onto the desk. that alone tells you everything—he must think you look even worse than you feel.

he doesn’t say anything, just opens his arms wide, inviting you in. and how could you ever say no to him? you drag your feet across the room, collapsing into his lap without a second thought. his arms wrap around you tightly, and for the first time all day, you feel like you can finally exhale.

“you had a long day, didn’t you?” he murmurs, lips brushing your ear before pressing a soft kiss there.

all you can do is nod, burying yourself deeper into his neck. he smells just like he did this morning, warm and familiar, and it makes your chest ache in the best way. neither of you moves for what feels like forever, but it’s the kind of forever you could get used to. his touch says everything words can’t—how much he missed you, how much he hates seeing you this tired, how much he loves you.

you want to tell him you should go home, that you need a proper bed, but you can’t. you know how important his work is, and you’d never forgive yourself for making him feel guilty about staying.

but then his voice breaks the silence, low and soft. “i think i’m done for the night.”

your head snaps up, searching his face for any sign he’s joking. “no, baby. i’m fine. keep working,” you say quickly, even as your body betrays you and leans back into his chest. the guilt creeps up before you can stop it.

his thumb brushes your cheek, and his eyes lock on yours with so much tenderness it nearly knocks the wind out of you. “the only thing i want to do is go home, run you a bath, and hold you while you fall asleep. this can wait until tomorrow. you’re the most important thing to me, and i need you to know that.”

he kisses you softly, and when he pulls back, there’s a smile tugging at his lips. “besides,” he adds with a wink, “if i don’t take care of you, who’s going to remind me to take care of myself?”

hyunjin

you and your man were both terribly sleepy babies. no matter how hard you tried to stay awake for each other on late nights, one of you always gave in first. it was a routine by now: a simple “i love you” text signaling surrender to the pull of a memory foam mattress or an irresistibly soft couch. there was never any guilt, just understanding.

but this month? this month has been unrelenting. you’ve been in full girl boss mode, pushing through deadlines and back-to-back meetings, while hyunjin has been caught up in the chaos of a comeback. you can’t even remember the last time you sat down together for dinner, watched a show, or just existed in the same moment. you miss it. you miss him.

when his schedule was calmer, hyunjin stayed with you as much as he could. but now, the dorm has him locked down. as you punch in your door code, you sigh, already feeling the emptiness of your apartment. you wish he were here—even if it meant finding him passed out on the couch, mouth slightly open, barely coherent as you whispered him awake and tugged him to bed

tonight, though, there’s no detour. no lingering in the kitchen or collapsing on the couch. you head straight to your room, already peeling off your jacket as you close the door behind you. exhaustion weighs heavy on you, but something feels… off.

your heart stutters. someone’s here.

you freeze. open your eyes, idiot, you scold yourself. slowly, you do, and your breath catches in your throat

there, glowing like a dream, stands hyunjin. a bouquet of roses in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other, his smile stretching so wide his eyes crinkle shut. he’s radiant, like he stepped out of your imagination, but he’s real.

“baby,” you whisper, your voice trembling with disbelief. “what… how are you here? i thought—”

you don’t get the words out, too stunned to string them together. he steps closer, slow and steady, placing the roses and wine into your hands before cupping your face and kissing you, soft and sure. his lips feel like coming home

“i missed you,” he murmurs, his voice low and warm against your ear. “it’s been hell not being able to see you, touch you, hold you. i’ve been trying so hard to wait, but when i called you this morning and heard how tired you sounded… i had to be here. i couldn’t let you come home to an empty apartment tonight.

you melt into his arms, burying your face in his chest as his words sink in. “i knew it,” you say suddenly, pulling back just enough to meet his eyes, a teasing smirk spreading across your face. “you really can’t stay away from me. i’m irresistible, huh?”

he bursts out laughing, the sound warm and rich, making his whole body shake as he leans his forehead against yours. “shut up,” he grins, but his eyes are so full of love you can feel it in your bones.

The he cups your face again, pressing his lips back to yours in a kiss that feels like a promise. this one is different—hungrier, deeper, filled with everything he’s been holding back. his right hand gently takes the flowers and wine from you, tossing them onto the couch as if they’re the least important thing in the world.

“you’ve been stressed too, baby,” you murmur between kisses, your hands sliding up his chest as he pulls you closer. “you want me to make it better? take your mind off everything?”

“please,” he breathes, the single word trembling with desperation.

and that’s all it takes for the two of you to let go of everything else—the stress, the distance, the long days apart. tonight, it’s just you and him.

wooyoung

i know that the last conversation we had didn’t end on a good note. and i know you’re still trying to process everything going on with us and probably don’t want to see me. but I can’t help but feel like you’re exhausted and need something to take your mind off of everything you have going on right now. regardless of what we’re going through rn, i love you and I’ll always be here to make things better.

your heart aches as you read wooyoung’s text.

i’m outside. take your time. i’ll wait for you.

you didn’t think you’d hear from him tonight—not after the way your last conversation had ended. but that’s wooyoung, always showing up when you need him most, even when things between you feel fragile and uncertain.

you grab your jacket and step outside, the chill in the air catching you off guard. but then you see him, leaning against his car with his arms crossed, his hair a little messy, his expression soft despite the exhaustion etched into it.

his eyes meet yours, and for a moment, it feels like the world stills.

without a word, he opens the car door for you. as you slide into the passenger seat, you feel the familiar warmth of his presence settle over you like a blanket. he gets in, shutting the door gently, and the two of you sit there, bathed in the soft glow of the dashboard lights.

“you didn’t have to come,” you whisper, your voice barely audible.

he turns to you, his gaze steady, his hand already reaching for yours. “yes, i did.” his tone is quiet but firm, like he needs you to believe it

his thumb rubs gentle circles against your skin, and it’s enough to unravel the tight knot in your chest.

“i know it’s been rough lately,” he says softly, his voice thick with emotion. “but no matter what we’re going through, i can’t stand the thought of you sitting at home feeling this way. you don’t have to go through this alone. i’m here. always.”

you close your eyes, his words sinking into the deepest parts of you.

he leans over, pulling you into his arms, and it’s like you’re a piece of a puzzle snapping into place. his embrace is so warm, so full of everything he can’t quite say, and you don’t realize how much you needed it until you’re here, breathing him in.

“you’re freezing,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to your temple. “i should’ve brought a blanket.”

you let out a soft laugh, your breath brushing against his collarbone. “you’re the blanket.”

he smiles against your hair, holding you a little tighter. “good. then i’m not letting go.”

for a long time, you just sit there, his arms wrapped around you, his hand gently tracing soothing patterns along your back. it’s so quiet, but the silence is full of him—his love, his care, his determination to make sure you feel safe, even when things between you aren’t perfect.

“thank you for coming,” you whisper after a while, your voice muffled against his chest.

“i’ll always come,” he replies, his lips brushing against your forehead. “no matter what’s happening. you’re my person.”

you pull back just enough to look at him, your eyes meeting his, and in that moment, it feels like everything might actually be okay. whatever else you have to figure out, whatever else you have to say, you can face it together.

for now, this is enough. this is everything.

niki

the studio was quiet now, the kind of quiet that made you feel how tired you really were. your body ached, your mind felt heavy, and the only thing keeping you upright was the cool press of the mirror at your back.

you closed your eyes, just for a second, and let out a sigh.

“you always look like you’re about to fall apart after practice,” a familiar voice teased, pulling you out of your thoughts.

your eyes snapped open, and when you saw him standing there in the doorway, you actually laughed out loud.

“niki?” you said, your voice pitching higher in disbelief. “what the—how did you even get in here?”

he grinned, leaning against the doorframe like he owned the place, hands stuffed casually into his hoodie pockets. “i have my ways.”

“your ways?” you repeated, still laughing, though your exhaustion made it sound a little delirious. “what, did you sneak past security?”

he shrugged, his grin widening. “you’d be surprised what a little charm can do.”

“you’re ridiculous,” you muttered, shaking your head, though you couldn’t stop the smile tugging at your lips.

niki stepped into the room then, pulling a takeout bag from behind his back like it was some big reveal. “anyway, i figured you might be hungry. you were going on and on about this the other day, so…”

you blinked at him, your chest tightening. ���you remembered that?”

niki rolled his eyes, but there was a hint of a blush creeping up his neck. “obviously. i’m not as clueless as you think.”

he walked over and sat down beside you, his legs stretching out across the floor. the bag landed in your lap, and the smell alone was enough to make your stomach growl.

“you didn’t have to,” you murmured, though you were already pulling the container out.

“yeah, well,” he said, leaning back against the mirror with a shrug, “i wanted to.”

you looked at him, really looked at him, and for a moment, you forgot how exhausted you were. his face was calm, but his eyes were soft, like he was seeing you in a way no one else ever had.

“thanks, niki,” you said quietly.

he waved it off like it was nothing, but the tips of his ears were pink, and you knew him well enough to know what that meant.

“you worked hard today,” he said after a beat, his voice softer now. “but you always do.”

you smiled, but it felt bittersweet. “sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough.”

niki’s gaze sharpened, and he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “it is,” he said firmly. “you are.”

the words hung in the air, heavy and meaningful, and you didn’t know what to say. so you didn’t. you just opened the container, took a bite, and let the warmth of the food—and his presence—melt away the edges of your day.

he didn’t say anything else, just stayed there beside you, close enough that your shoulders brushed when one of you moved.

and maybe you were both too scared to say it out loud, too scared to ruin whatever this was, but in that moment, you knew: he was your safe place. and maybe, just maybe, you were his too.

[posttexasstressdisorder]

Saturday, 12-21-24, 7pm Pacific

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:

'Evenin', everyone. This is your faithful Bringer of The Tunes of Yore, your intrepid DJ, Mr. Baggins, signing off for...a while.

I'll be taking these next ten days off, hopefully you might think them well-deserved. I've been doing these three shows a day for a good long while with no break, as I've been mulling over my (and our) future.

I started Radio Free Tumblr as a way to help keep everyone's morale up while the shitshow progresses, and to spend less time "DOOMSCROLLING" all the bad news, since my personal situation is still so dire I don't need any more bringing-down.

I also started it to give me more time for myself, but in reality, it has turned into a full-time, all-day job for me to come up with these three shows a day, mostly just picking things out of my own memory and following the breadcrumbs. It's a creative process that, unfortunately, takes as much of a toll as anything else.

As a result, your intrepid DJ is One Tired Mofo. I'll be taking the rest of the year off to do some recouping and more thinking about what I want to do with this blog.

It's been difficult for me to think about going back to the trenches and being as on-the-front-lines as I was. I know I've probably disappointed some of you, going from being so vocal and sure of everything, to pulling back and essentially rolling into a ball like a pangolin while I've tried to figure this out.

And I've had some shame over that, as well. It feels like I've failed y'all in some ways. Please know I didn't "give up"...I was just thrown so far off track by the election debacle I couldn't see a way forward and I let it get to me. My usual modus operandi when something like that happens is to retreat into The Music until I figure it all out, and Radio Free Tumblr was a way y'all could come along for the ride, as it were.

We are on the cusp of a very strange time, and I still believe that somehow we will pull through this stronger, but I'm still having difficulty with seeing a way forward. I hope these next ten days will help make it clearer in my mind.

The shows will stay posted and up, so if there were some you really enjoyed and want to hear again, just go to my Archive page, and they're all there, from the beginning posts in the aftermath of that first week of November forward.

And I wanna give a very heart-felt THANK YOU to everyone who's enjoyed what I've done with The Music here this past couple of months...that makes me feel good, knowing that conjuring this music up out of my memory banks and following the creative breadcrumbs from the universe has maybe helped some of y'all smile and have a better day.

So...until next time...be kind, babies, be kind.

Baggins out.

[infinite-orangepeel]

a list of friendly reminders for all my fellow fic writers (bc i’m struggling rn and need to hear these myself):

it’s okay to take a break/let yourself rest. you don’t need an excuse ! if you’re tired, lay down. you can always write more when you have more energy (hot tip: you will likely cry less tears of frustration too if you follow this step).

it’s okay to not spend every single waking moment of your free time writing (especially if you’re exhausted, sick, or having a bad day). you are still purposeful, productive, and cool regardless.

it’s okay to abandon wips if they no longer bring you joy or you just aren’t feeling them anymore ! and no one is allowed to bully you about it. this is your creative time—spend it writing something you actually enjoy. write for YOU !

it’s okay to go on hiatus. you can always come back once inspiration hits again or you can disappear forever ! it’s up to you completely.

it’s okay to post new chapters/update wips sporadically. forcing yourself to stick to a strict schedule is the direct result of late stage capitalism ! post daily or weekly or monthly or yearly or once in your life—whatever is best for you, go for it ! (remember: no one is paying you for this).

it’s okay to write short or long chapters or anything in between ! this isn’t a high school essay. there’s no required word count, so write as much or as little as you want.

it’s okay to write for fun. it’s okay to write with no idea where your story is going. it’s okay to write without a plan.

it’s okay to not have a beta reader ! if you like it, post it. your own opinion of your work is enough.

it’s okay to project onto your characters. it’s okay to kin them and relate to them and self-insert. it’s okay to lean on your own experiences to fill in their backstories.

it’s okay to use song lyrics as titles !! coming up with an original title is hard and song lyrics are fun (plus you’ll often find someone who recognizes/likes that song too and mentions it in the comments).

i hope this helps someone ! i hope it encourages you to keep writing bc it makes you happy ! i hope you know that your writing/creativity is worth much more than any amount of kudos, comments, bookmarks, or hits <3

[lunarharp]

What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)

[apocalypticdemon]

I am so beyond ready to quit this job. Wednesday cannot come fast enough.

[nervocat]

man.

[gxtzeizm]

.

[mothjinxed]

another vent in the tags ugh i should try and do something nice rn

[ronkeyroo]

Hey folks, coming with another little update since the last post ;; I’ve been released from the hospital a awhile ago, I’m feeling better and my body managed to evade absolute disaster. Stuff was really fucking bad, and with how there’s literally no effective treatment beside awful surgery or unbearable compromise with this garbage illness, I just...Said fuck it. I am going to unapologetically and enthusiastically work against this mess, living my life walking forward, and doing my best to keep myself healthy, happy, and heal my own terms.  Im going to be alright, no matter what. Now lets get back to the artsty shenanigans, my beloveds ;_;)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[loumauve]

-

[indigodawns]

.

[tortademaracuya]

[sysig]

It’s finally happening

I’m finishing TAZ: Balance tonight