#feel the pain you know
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I Saw the TV Glow is such a uniquely, devastatingly queer story. Two queer kids trapped in suburbia. Both of them sensing something isn’t quite right with their lives. Both of them knowing that wrongness could kill them. One of them getting out, trying on new names, new places, new ways of being. Trying to claw her way to fully understanding herself, trying to grasp the true reality of her existence. Succeeding. Going back to help the other, to try so desperately to rescue an old friend, to show the path forward. Being called crazy. Because, to someone who hasn’t gotten out, even trying seems crazy. Feels crazy. Looks, on the surface, like dying.
And to have that other queer kid be so terrified of the internal revolution that is accepting himself that he inadvertently stays buried. Stays in a situation that will suffocate him. Choke the life out of him. Choke the joy out of him. Have him so terrified of possibly being crazy that he, instead, lives with a repression so extreme, it quite literally is killing him. And still, still, he apologizes for it. Apologizes over and over and over, to people who don’t see him. Who never have. Who never will. Because it’s better than being crazy. Because it’s safer than digging his way out. Killing the image everyone sees to rise again as something free and true and authentic. My god. My god, this movie. It shattered me.
#i saw the tv glow#I saw the tv glow spoilers#it is SUCH a queer story#the disassociation. the hiding in fiction to feel alive.#the horror of watching time tick by and knowing you’re not who you’re meant to be#the unique paralysis of staying put in hell because it’s safer than what might be over the horizon#the tragedy of trying to help someone who isn’t ready to be helped#god it’s so much. god. rarely do I walk out of a film and just stare soundlessly into space#anyway. please see this movie. although I sort of hope if you’re reading this post it’s cuz you already have#eta: I used he because the main character never quite vocalizes another pronoun#but this is SUCH a trans story. suuuuch a trans story. it is not even a little subtle#it’s so good and so so painful
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People keep on asking for more Baby Robin and Papadile so here is more Baby Robin and Papadile. Now never ask anything from me ever again
#My art#One Piece#Long post#Sir Crocodile#Nico Robin#Alternatively panel 5 would've been a close up of Crocodile's face from Robin's POV where he looks like he's giving her a death glare#Not intentionally he's just a big scary bastard with a Resting Murder Face and Robin is a small traumatized child#But I wanted to focus on the silliness of the moment so you get the goofy version instead#IDK man there's just something very funny to me about the idea of Robin just randomly info-dumping about a subject she's read about#And Crocodile being like ''?????????????????????? The fuck you talking about??''#Robin leaves the ship's kitchen and Crocodile just stares at the tomato like ''...It's a fruit? Forreal?''#(Meanwhile Robin is sweating bullets like ''I called his favorite vegetable a FRUIT right in his FACE he's going to KILL ME'')#Robin grew extra feet from the bottom of her feet to reach the counter and that actually isn't me trying to explain bad art away#In the original Papadile comic there was a panel of Robin doing the dishes with extra feet to reach the sink but I cut it out#(It was a stress relief comic I did not feel like drawing a complicated background in detail) (BUT YES I THOUGHT OF IT)#Nico Robin Age 11 is *more* than capable of cooking Crocodile just does not trust her with his food. At least not yet#She did start doing the dishes unprompted and continues to do so (mostly out of fear). Croc told her she didn't have to but allows it#IDK a lot of people seem to headcanon Crocodile as incapable of cooking and like. Surely Mr ''I don't trust people'' knows how to cook#Like he doesn't have to be a master chef or anything but and maybe he enjoys not HAVING to cook (pain in the ass with one hand + knife/hook#But surely he can cook decent enough. SURELY#Botanists don't @ me I know the ''tomato is a fruit'' thing isn't fully accurate this is just a silly little haha comic
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Burning Rotten Bridges
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#mianmian#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#JGY is nothing but outwardly calm and carrying on his duties as the chair for the meeting#but in that small pause after Nie Mingjue commemorates Mianmian for leaving...you can feel the tension.#Because Nie Mingjue comes from a place of privilege. He's always been in a position where his legitimacy and political standing-#-were never challenged. He didn't have to fight for respect. He was born into this world respected.#For people like Mianmian and JGY who clawed their way up from the bottom...this is a huge deal.#Truth be told I have a lot of things to say about what it means and feels to be in a position where leaving is messy.#There are times where the situation is bad but to leave means that those years of your life will have been for nothing.#That all the other suffering incurred will be fruitless. So you just *keep going*. Because it *has* to be worth it.#Because going back to what you were before is even more terrifying than the hell you are boiling in.#My concrete example for this is post-grad academia.#Because that cohort will have spent over a decade pursuing a goal and leaving means...well...it means throwing away those years.#It means losing (likely nearly all) your connections. It means going into debt you'll never pay off.#It means putting up with some pretty heinous abuse from your supervisor because what are you suppose to do? Leave?#Leaving is for those with the privilege to have options.#And even if you do have options...#Ultimately we would rather love the pain we know than risk the unknown. Hoping it's worth it one day.#With that mindset established; never say JGY should have just left like Mianmian. He couldn't. This was what he dedicated his life to.#He never had the option. Even if it seemed like he did - no he did not. He never conceived this ending ever happening for himself.
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[PART 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]
A young Xolotl and the strange build he’s spotted across the water from his starter builds! I wonder what it could be… how mysterious!
#dbhc#dbhc art#dbhc xisuma#dbhc s8#xisuma#xisumavoid#xisuma hermitcraft 8#hermitcraft 8#hermitcraft#hermitcraft dbh au#tw unreality#sort of? if that’s not the correct tag to use lmk#tw eye strain#tw distortion#tw glitch#tw dread#the feeling that something is terribly terribly wrong#Like watching a car that you know is about to crash#Painful knowing the end but can’t quite look away#xolotl#hermitcraft au#art escapades#finally. some answers.
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Hey, don't cry. Ghost yuri, okay?
(Now that you know the girls, they need to meet the boys!)
#payneland#edwin x charles#dead boy detectives#dbda#fem payneland#although technically as everyone is the opposite gender their last names should be different#OKAY you know the drill u get fanart and i get to ramble about it#Edith wears pants now#this pains me because i love drawing skirts but after she escaped hell#she met charlotte who made an offhand comment about how it's easier to move with pants#and edith who just spent 70 years running in hell went wait a tick#she feels safer that way is what i'm saying#interesting because as you can see she wore a skirt to confess and we know how THAT went but anyway#charlotte's mom was abusive of course#and she forced her to practice ballet despite charlotte being interested in a lot of other sports#she did fairly well at ballet but this means no cricket bat :(#i know we all love butch fem charles but as he's mostly gender conforming i decided to not do that#no reason for the bracelets but as i wanted to give her a choker i thought they would combine with the earrings#crystal is still crystal because his parents are weird artists who like stupid names#niko though... i don't know what to name him#dead girl detectives
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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The Painted Lady stared at Zuko, eyes wild in deep focus, and sank into her knees next to him. Her pale, scarred hand reached out to meet him, but stopped short before making contact. Her voice was soothing and gentle as she asked, “Is that what you truly believe?”
Sometimes, it feels as if Izumi knows Zuko better than anyone else.
For our confidants and spirits (and those who are one and the same) is For the Spirits Chapter VI: Dream of You.
#zutara#atla#zuko#avatar the last airbender#atla fanart#prince zuko#zutara au#atla art#atla fanfic#atla fic#the painted lady#painted lady#atla izumi#izumi#Izumi of Jang Hui#for the spirits#Chapter VI: Dream of You#new gods au#spirit touched zuko#zutara fic#zutara fanfiction#atla zuko#zuko fanfic#zuko fanart#zuko art#ponytail zuko#This was simultaneously so fun and so painful to do#Mostly because it's not really my usual style (for example this one has no lineart) but also because it's about 70% background#And we all know how I feel about backgrounds#I wanted to draw this scene so badly so...here it is.
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🎇INPRNT SHOP OPEN🎇
YIPPEE I FINALLY DID IT THIS TOOK SO LONG OH MY GOD. But yeah you can now buy my prints if you wish!!!!!!
Including way too many pieces from the desertduo daily challenge i did #dddaily4sherin and a whole bunch of other pieces, all requested by you guys <3 tysm to everyone who helped me select my pieces!
Giant shout out to thello sillyfairygarden for helping me out with this too, go check out her prints too💥
and now i will stop rambling GO CHECK OUT MY SHOP :D There's a 15% off sale going on too ending tomorrow! (Sept 22)
rbs are super appreciated too🫶!
#inprnt#my art#grian#goodtimeswithscar#desert duo#mcyt#mcytblr#hermitblr#trafficblr#dddaily4sherin#ig?? LMAO#illustration#SORRY THIS IS SO LAST MINUTE FOR THE SALE IM SO BAD AT TIME MANAGING HASJDHAEHEggoeG#BUT YIPPEEE IM FINALLY FREED FROM THE INPRNT MINES KAJSKDLJKSI!!!!!11#i need you guys to know. how much pain it is to adjust the pixels and dpis for almost every piece AND title them AND tag them#AND INPRNT WONT LET ME COPY PASTE TAGS I TYPED DESERT DUO TOO MANY TIMes#at least the chibis were fun to do BHAHSDHAHA#for legal reasons I need to state that despite the fact that i drew 3l scar there. this is not a scam i promise /SILLY#wait also SHOUT OUT TO THE PPL WHO ALREADY BOUGHT PRINTS WHY ARE YOU GUYS INSANE. USAHDJAEAWJIEJA TYSMMMMMMMMMMMM#if anyone wants to show me how the prints look on their walls/anywhere once they got it absolutely feel free to!!#I would love to see it ueuuaehuaeeuh💥
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I think a fair number of (able-bodied) people don’t understand that cripple is a slur. It’s a slur. It’s offensive. Physically disabled people can reclaim it *if they want to*, but they don’t have to. They can be offended by it if they want to as well. Both are valid.
Also, you can reclaim it FOR YOURSELF! You don’t just get to call other people cripples because you decided to reclaim it. That’s personal. Saying “oh, I can say that because I’m physically disabled” only applies if you’re referring to YOURSELF that way. You do not get to tell other people in your community what they should and shouldn’t be comfortable with.
#pf course if you know someone is comfy with that term you can use it for them#but you need to know to explicitly ask#I feel like this is the same for the r-slur but people know it’s a slur they just don’t care#it doesn’t matter if I’m not calling actual mentally disabled people it yeah actually it does#alexei’s silly little thoughts#alexei’s silly little ✨chronic illness✨#chronically ill#chronic illness#chronic pain#disablity#disabled#physically disabled#alexei’s favs
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Consider this: ghosts are actually exactly what the Fentons think they are.
They're snapshots of a longing so strong, unfinished business so deep it reaches out beyond life. Lingers just a bit longer. And if it happens to meet a dense cloud of ectoplasm (invisible to the naked eye, but omnipresent even in the mortal realm), it coalesces. The ectoplasm fits into the shape of it. Which, when the desire is strong enough, it's got a rough idea of its self-image. This tends to mean a more humanoid figure, though it's more often warped in some way–a self-reflection, skewed by said desire. The warping varies on the dead soul’s perception of themselves, the intensity of their desire, how much time passed after death, and how much ectoplasm was present.
In short… no matter how “normal" a ghost looks or acts, it really, truly isn't human. It's animated ectoplasm with a single goal: an obsession. Nothing else. They're more akin to plants than animals, following a single drive with no emotion. They react to stimuli, recognize threats (including other ghosts), and can even imitate human speech and mannerisms to obtain fulfillment of their obsession.
Not “evil" by any stretch, but they're entirely driven by instinct. A tree doesn't pause to consider the rocks it breaks with its roots. A cordyceps doesn't torture its host for fun, or kill with malice. It just does. It follows code in its DNA to survive and multiply–And ghosts just follow the code in its ectoplasm to fulfill its obsession. The more powerful a ghost, the better it's able to overcome obstacles preventing this–whether through brute force, or manipulation. This power is always directly proportional to the amount of ectoplasm present at the time of formation, and how much time passed since death.
What then, does this mean for Danny? Danny, who's previously come to the conclusion that he's only half-ghost, which surely explains how he retained his mind? His independent thoughts and emotions?
What does this mean for Phantom, who experienced an entire world’s worth of ectoplasm condensed as a singularity, at the exact time of his death? Whose strength only grows and begins to exceed every limit they previously thought possible?
If a ghost was as strong as him… could it mimic a human perfectly? Down to a molecular level?
Could it, in its desire to fill an obsession… trick its own fake mind into thinking it was still human? Or half-ghost?
#Danny Phantom#zilly squeaks#it's the greyed out morality for me dude#on one hand it shows how dangerous ghosts are. how you can't reason with them. how they aren't *people*#and yet. you can still find ways to work with them. there's reason to show them mercy when possible#even if it's not really 'pain' it still cries out and bleeds when struck#i just love this kind of angle where there's a solid reason to find co-existence but also like#knowing full well these creatures are more or less. potentially deadly trees. do u feel me#when does sentience bloom from code?#what caused our ancestors to become sapient?#Danny getting Real Fucked Up about possibly being a full ghost who's just really good at pretending to be human#when really... does it even matter?#(for double the pain: add headcanon that ghosts feed off of human life for additional power)
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silence
also this is from Wolfwood's POV (in case it isn't clear) i have 0 normal thoughts (every song ever is VW)
#i got possessed for 4 days straight and have been making comics every goddamn day#some i like too much to post just yet#but this one was a pain in the ass so (as per usual) must get posted#after it's on tumblr dot com i feel free#so you know how wolfwood points his gun at vash out of fear multiple times#i thought i'd draw a little something about it but much much worse#i dont think ww would ever shoot but it would probably haunt him in his dreams#thinking about how it would feel like to pull the trigger#distantly wondering if vash would /let/ him shoot. if he wanted wolfwood to finally kill him#also#trans wolfwood agenda#but i just casually throw it in the mixture before cooking up some fucked up shit about vw#also i fucking loveeeee the band 'i like trains'#so many lyrics to work on.....#ive sketched a millionsummers comic on i like trains' lyrics too#anyway#thats about it#trigun#trigun fanart#cw blood#tw blood#cw guns#vash the stampede#vashwood#nicholas d. wolfwood#trimax#trigun maximum#vashwood fanart#my art
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Really I think nothing shouts "my first Presidential election as a politically active person was 2016" more than the fact that when I feel hope and excitement for the future (possible President Harris) for more than five minutes I immediately get a crushing, all-consuming anxiety of "feeling this positive emotion now is going to make it so much worse when the worst thing possible happens" to the extent that I'll probably need my break-glass-in-case-of-emergency anxiety medication.
#politics#us politics#kamala harris#donald trump#2016 election#2024 elections#personal post#I can't feel any hope about politics without my brain reflexively shutting it down in case things get too nice before the fall#I know Harris has flaws#But I just like her--she's more progressive and feels joy and isn't shy about hating Trump#But then my brain is like “do not get attached or The Pain will be worse later”#This happened in 2020 too---I couldn't believe it when we won I was so busy preparing for the worst#harris for president#democrats#vote democrat#seriously vote democrat#If you are following me or reading my fic and capable of voting in the US election and are not voting Democrat please feel free to fuck off#You're the reason Trump won in 2016 and if you prove my anxiety brain right I hope all your food comes out burnt for the rest of your life#good thing I have therapy tomorrow
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Lan Wangji goes to Lotus Pier (No relation to the AU of the same name)
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#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#Another split type comic because I decided to be ambitious.#This flashback is currently beating my ass. There are so many timeskips within the flashback! My flow and pacing are wheezing!#I loved how this scene starts with the crowd's point of view. The observations and gossip add a lot.#And it helps reposition us to what the external perspective is on these two. Namely that 'they don't get along.'#Tensions are known! Even here in Nouveau Lotus Pier.#Ah...Lan Wangji never got a chance to see the Lotus Pier of Wei Wuxian's childhood and adolescence...did he?#It's not the same. He's not the same. Call them by the same name and people will know what you mean...#...but the first version - the one with the fond memories - is gone for good.#It's sort of interesting isn't it? How names can hold so much power and still be hollow?#We often get stuck over past versions of things. Be it ourselves or other people or places.#Change is scary but the truth is nothing ever stays the same. It's always moving. You're always moving.#It's okay to mourn the past. Maybe it's people you lost or the person you hoped to be. Let yourself feel the grief.#And then? Then you grow around that pain and keep on going. If you feel like you can't - remember you don't have to do it alone.#A side note: Listening to the tossing flowers extra is so essential for this scene. It's cute and gives us more of [redacted]#What's [redacted]? You'll see in the next comic!
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sew the mouth of your zombie wife shut, now she can't bite you
#oc#oc art#when characters do unhinged things for their lovers#good food#might be absolutely traumatizing to sew your wifes mouth shut#as her undead body struggles beneath you#you dont know if she can feel pain#you dont know if she can even feel#but you promised to love her no matter what happened to her#so you have to go through with it#thats how love is!!#tw horror#no idea what 2 tag this with#tw blood
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Great and Tyme being worried about each other
4MINUTES (2024) EP. 5
#4 minutes#4 minutes the series#greattyme#thaidrama#uservix#userrlaura#raeblr#userbon#mjtag#rinblr#esmetracks#userrlana#userpetri#tusersilence#dramasource#dailyasiandramas#asianlgbtqdramas#fyeahthaidramas#tansgifs#gifs:fourm#i made this so i could stare at their expressions during those scenes truly masterclass in acting#the way you can feel great's pain in the 4th gif when tyme yells to let them try to kill him#the way great is just searching for anything to grasp at when showing his worry about tyme's well being didn't work in the 6th gif#and great desperately saying his grandma#he is so split between holding onto his parents and holding onto tyme because he doesn't want to lose what they have#and clearly he knows asking tyme to do it for him alone wouldn't work not only because he has no right to#but also because he simply doesn't think he even mean that much to tyme. it's not like he knows what it's like to mean stuff to people#i mean shit look at his relationship with his parents. so he uses grandma and it works#anyways i love the little smiles in gifs 14 15 16 when he can feel that tyme is worried about him#all i'm gonna say about tyme is we need to put that man on suiciide watch. anyways that's what I can say from great pov
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consumed by the inevitable
#messyr#you know- I kept thinking: One day. The cage will be open but I feel like I'll stay. Because if I run- I'd wind up dead from their bullet#so I just- tend to- follow as much as I want to rebel and put sense into this fuckass household. I hate seeing the others in pain as well#and it hurts more that it feels like I can NEVER be the one to break this cycle of abuse- when I knew from the start- when I knew too much#but here I am ending up like the rest of them- helpless and unable to do jackshit about the situation. I cant say or do anything at all!#I dont want to end up like them- if anything I want to BREATHE- i want all of us to LIVE without this pain that has existed for generations#I want to help so bad no matter how much I know I am unloved.#no matter how much hate i carry- no matter how much burden- Underneath it all- I'm devoted to them- that's how fucked up I am#i know i'll never be enough. I know how often I think of death and wish it.#But I have a dream to achieve and I am not planning to die until I reach it. Not yet. If pain is where I strive best then so be it.#doodle#vent art#artists on tumblr#bpd#toxic behavior#learned helplessness
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