#feel like I'm fucking insane sometimes
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Sometimes being a fic author is fucking wild, like what do you mean one of the ship fics I wrote has over a thousand kudos and is at the top of the kudos list in the ship tag and yet no one ever talks to me about it.
#scribs speaks#like I do get the occasional comment but it's usually just an 'i loved this' or 'i'm rereading this again'#which is nice to hear but my god#feel like I'm fucking insane sometimes#how do some writers get two dozen questions per week about their work literally what am I doing wrong here#appreciate there's a few people who put all their thoughts in their comments on off colors writing it for them at this point
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a full SAGA of chaos choices at the diner in the centre of your mind
#so in summary:#coffee grounds; room temp vodka; the feeling of first having root beer; coffee and bacon; maple syrup; grenadine; and a calzone#they are all so insane and i love them for it#and also its such a perfect representation of a brain#bc like! yeah! that IS what my thoughts are bouncing between when i'm asked what i want for a meal! i am that fucking bonkers sometimes!!#dimension 20#dimension 20 mentopolis#mentopolis#mentopolis spoilers#d20#dnd#brennan lee mulligan#hunch curio#anastasia tension#conrad schintz#the fix#imedla pulse#dan fucks#alex song xia#hank green#danielle radford#freddy wong#siobhan thompson#mike trapp#d20 cast#long post#andis thought geyser
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The unspoken part of that too, being called "soft squishy marshmallow mom shaped uwu" and then going, hm, no thanks. That's weird and uncomfortable. Is that people get SO TAKEN ABACK. And almost immediately switch straight into anger, because the idea of a fat person turning down a "compliment" is absolutely unthinkable.
#people HATE IT when you point out that it's weird. they don't even get embarrassed first they just get mad at you#Like these fatties should absolutely be grateful to receive any compliment at all type vibe#I was willing to tolerate you being fat but now that you've had an opinion I'm no longer on your side#don't listen to me I am insane#sergle.txt#and sometimes it IS attraction. THAT'S EVEN MORE FUCKED UP#When someone is attracted to a fat person but you can tell that THEY FEEL WEIRD ABOUT IT. So they ACT WEIRD about it#they don't treat it like they would treat attraction to a thin person#Would it actually kill you to just fuckin call this person hot!! you don't have to dance around it!
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I would really like to read one piece of writing, amateur or not, that features Apollo and Zeus having a positive relationship. One. Any one. It could be 30 words long for all I care. I just need confirmation that one other writer actively producing content in the Greek Mythology sector doesn't think of Apollo as Zeus' toy, sexual or otherwise, or of Zeus purposefully surpressing Apollo because he doesn't want him to surpass his power, or of Apollo only being obedient to his father over all else because of fear and physical abuse, or of any other reason possibly invented except some sort of mutual understanding and respect.
It should not be this difficult to find content where they do not hate each other.
#ginger rambles#I am at the end of my rope actually#None of my stuff is long enough to post on ao3 but fuck it I'll just post wips here#This is ridiculous#Like categorically ridiculous I feel like I'm going insane#One or two Apollo whumps is fine#cool even when written well#but oh my god everything?? All of it???#Really???#Shoutout to that one fic on ao3 that was doing snapshots of Zeus being a good dad to all his kids#And just hasn't got around to the Apollo chapter yet#I am praying for you Author you hold one of my last threads of sanity#I'll post some stuff about Apollo and Zeus in the early days sometime soon#I'm actually just flat out annoyed now lol#zeus#apollo#writing
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with the obvious addendum that act 3 isn’t out yet and we can’t form true opinions until the show’s officially done, i’m still really feeling like it could have maybe benefited from a third season. they’re hitting all the right plot points and those moments are full of really intense emotion, but everything in the middle feels so underwhelming in comparison and so much of it still feels rushed to me. idk
#arcane#arcane spoilers#i could kinda deal with it act 1 bc there was a lot to cover through the fallout after s1. but act 2 i'm reallyyyyyy feeling it#like dont get me wrong it's still so so so good#and i guess that's what makes it so much more frustrating#like you can see all the ways it can be just that littlest bit even better#but i guess if the biggest complaint viewers have about your show is that they want more then that already says a lot you know#anyway#it's the warwick / isha plot that bugs me specifically bc isha (love her to death) feels lowkey like a cop out#introduce a kid just to heavy push the 'cycle of violence' 'find your humanity again' character arcs only to kill her six episodes later#like EVERYONE was saying 'ive never seen a character so obviously created to die'#the subversive thing would be to have her live and show the cycle of violence is ending or something#but here's another broken kid killed by the system here's more proof that jinx is. well. a jinx.#idk idk idk#and warwick. i wanted so much MORE#heavily build up warwick all through act 1 just to have him die end of act 2#we barely got to see him at full power.#we barely got to see him with vi and jinx.#we barely got to see him reckon with the man he was and the monster he is now.#we got next to nothing before he's just dead. again#and again those scenes hit SO GODDAMN HARD. THEY ARE GOOD. but they couldve hit even harder if they just had more time to flesh it out !!!!#but again again no act 3 yet so who goddamn knows at this point#they aint dead til we see the bodies and even then they might not be dead bc thats just how arcane works#but fuck i just wish we sometimes had time to sit and FEEL things before the next new thing starts#ok im done rambling i just had to say something somehwere because its driving me insane#my posts
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Quick and rough Plumeria redesign, mostly just cause...... I gotta do what comes naturally to me, man. Give me some Shapes. Simplify that design or so help me.
I don't have a lot of complex thoughts about it, actually! Just the idea of having a "sexy" outfit that draws the eyes to certain parts of the body -- while simultaneously being modest and Sharp. Having an edge to it. Also!!!! The luna moth inspired wings!!! I wanted to stay within her og color palette, but I've also always thought luna moth wings would suit her... the top wing is vaguely heart shaped, too!
#fire emblem#feh#i don't feel like taking a better pic sorry 😭#also. the most fucked up thing i'm learning doing this. is that (at least for the main four base forms)#yoshiku's color palettes Actually Work. fucked up. insane. i ALMOST added my own colors#just a hint of purple. and it fucked everything up?????? ALSO THE WINGS. THE WINGS#ARE ESP FUCKED UP. BC. IT WORKS. the red yellow orange blue. it fucking works. what the fuck.#LIKE one of my biggest frustrations w the fairy designs is they feel Samey color pallette wise.#that if it were up to Me. i would pick four distinct palettes to work with and try not to overlap too much.#literally just the fucking. tinkerbell pixie hallow treatment. everyone gets a signature color and we go from there.#but like... I GUESS TECHNICALLY EVERYONE DOES???? IT'S JUST. the Overlap.#like mira's pink/greens feel samey w plum's reds/greens. and esp from memory plum and tri pallets just blend together for me.#and peony and mira have the same purple eyes. a lot of green overlap in general. and i love green#BUT... SOMEHOW....... the color pallets. Work. fucked up and evil#also i'm not immune to the toothed pussy motif. that's what that little detail on the dress slit is supposed to invoke LMFAOO#AGAIN. IT'S ABOUT THE SHARPNESS. of drawing the eye and refusing to reward you for it if that makes sense#idk idk. i also just feel like plum should have an elegant look.#design not final though i'm just parsing it out. ALSO THE. THE SHARP ALMOST CLAWED NAILS. HUGE FAN#i was def worn out from my current project though. sometimes. you just gotta design a fairy about it.#fe plumeria#my art
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can someone explain to me why does my mum don't want me to be in my room and is forcing me to do my work downstairs 😃
#girl . im holding your hand while saying this#if im in my room it's because i chose to be#here i said it#i do not like being downstairs when there are people calm down#she just told me “what are you doing with your life” GIRL 😭calm down im begging you#she always want to know what i'm doing ? how am a supposed to tell her i just dress up and do silly things#she doesn't even want me to have my pc in my room 😭 girly pop ..#killing myself#she always think whatever i do i do it only because it's something she doesn't want me to do like 😟#how can you fuck up so badly . turns out you just don't want me to do things i enjoy#i kinda wanna hit her with a hammer sometimes but i stay kind 💗#someone help me i just wish she just stopped caring about me anymore i feel so trapped she always want to know what i'm doing#she's always behind my back it's sickening#as im typing this she literally called my name to tell me to hurry up and do my work downstairs THIS IS INSANE GLFGH#what is this tomfoolery#anyway yeah i'm good#j is rambling
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I hate that we've gone from "don't like, don't read" and not caring about what fucked up shit is depicted in fan media as a standard to hypervigilance and having to mind your every word so the group you've found yourself in doesn't know you ship the Not HOA Approved Ship
#like what the fuck#tello talks#proship#I just can't get over it fr#I have a platonic side acc and the fact I have to be afraid some stupid internet person will find out I ship tcest#and tell all their insane little friends who might or might not harrass me#is LITERALLY insane#I have fight daydreams sometimes. as you do. yknow the type of daydream where you're in a talkshow only this is an internet fight#and I try to think of ways to maneuver around a potential ''are you proship?'' situation by saying Yes Fuck You but in a way that explains#what proship IS not what /they/ have made it to be#and that it was the internet standard until like 2016 when some weirdo decided ship wars weren't enough#they needed to Actually Cancel people#but there's literally no way to win because they would /not/ listen#and that's is Insane and I don't feel I'm exaggerating here#anyway rant over#sorry#lol#long tags
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Hey did I ever tell y'all about the time I dreamed that I had a baby daughter called Ellie that began with my finding out I was pregnant and ended on like her third birthday?
I legitimately woke up thinking "I should go check on Ellie" and then realised she was never real and when I tell you I SOBBED. I've been haunted by an implacable sense of loss ever since. Did I travel to another dimension? Wtf happened because that was insane.
#I'm not even joking when I say it felt REAL#I have this baby doll (it was my mum's when she was a kid and I have it now) that sometimes I just hold and it makes me feel better???#Did I astral project into another life?????#Was it just a really fucking intense fever dream??????#For the record I was like fifteen I have never even done the do let alone had a pregnancy scare#But yeah my little Ellie#And she never fuckin existed#I woke up halfway through planning her birthday party like baking a cake or sm and I was thinking#“I'll give her the little green cardigan I knitted”#Woke up to a silent house and was like “she's never usually quiet this time in the morning”#Then realised what had happened and started CRYING#idk man it's insane#From a psychological point of view it's fascinating but I've tried and tried to analyse the dream and?????#I always come up with something different???? I can't pinpoint the actual cause and effect of the whole thing?????#Madness honestly#And it was just a normal day too nothing weird had happened it wasn't a coma and I wasn't knocked out it was just a Dream#A very very real one#For the record I don't think Ellie had a father#I think it was just an immaculate conception that nobody ever questioned#Might have been IVF now I think about it#That would make more sense#dream#weird dreams#Ig I should add a grief trigger warning???#tw grief#one time i dreamt#Very confused and it's been like two years so wtf yeah that was... Intense#The most dream of all time#Maybe I'm just fucking insane lol but yeah
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I actually for real feel like my phone's scanning quality has dropped monumentally while I was away on thing so that's a fun thing to figure out now. anyways
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#answering of ''sure'' whenever they ask ''are you gay'' strikes again#gods. genuinely at least on the export the quality of these dropped like to half. whats up with that#sorry if these are impossible to parse#anyways. scribbled these during ''holiday'' ''vacation'' ''getaway'''#sometimes it really is the simple things. hallucinating vividly about the casual life of a pair of teens to survive being in a car for 6hrs#WITH da family#so glad I picked up scribbling on paper again. I actually got stuff to do digitally today and!! literally it feels so much cleaner#like I feel like I relearned a bunch stuff doing traditional ink again for a sec#but yeah. u guys should know by now how much I think about food as a concept#took 3m off last year to write about it in fact. but now Im just microdosing by drawing langa#I'm also actually so insane about reki being a scaredy cat it's so. something. it means so much to me#this of course means koyomi is a jumpscare champion. among siblings that are close in age there must be#the one who sleeps in the lower bunk. and the one who ties a doll to a string by its neck and lower it down to be next to the others face#'why is that so specific' no further question. thank you#gods okay. I need to lay the fuck down it is now my time. to be in bed#Im onto some real exciting stuff rn! and when this piece is done I'll return to ink for a sec#so uh. ink comm maybe not this week. but the next#happy late labor day! seek and destroy. have a good night
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do you have any pokeani fic recs for the classic vibe (read: the content is unhinged and wild)
Referencing this post- long reply but I give a few pointers in these fics' direction at the end!
I'm gonna be so honest anon, I'm not sure I want to actively rec some of them 😭 A lot of them are very of-their-time (usually 2007-2013) and, while HILARIOUS, often contain things that I really don't want to 'recommend' (homophobia, sexism, a lot of slutshaming, some REALLY out of pocket stuff that is not properly warned for, etc). OBVIOUSLY I am not reccing the yikes of things so much as the rest of it (the hilarious unhinged side), but the current fandomscape leans bad-faith and assumey and I'm just not keen to fuck around and find out tbh. Ye olde fic reccing takes a level of understanding of other time periods and attitudes and customs in fandom and on FFN that I'm... not sure that all of tumblr is always very good at tbh lol. If you guys really want me to and if we can all understand that it was a different time and that enjoyment of batshit insane fics does not equal agreement with everything said or depicted in them, then come back and I'll consider it again. But for now, I'm MORE than happy to tell you guys the best ways to find them on your own lmao. It's not hard once you get it down, and anything I'd rec, I've found through this method.
First off, FFN's search system is just frustrating imo. Between a less-than-intuitive UI and people not bothering to tag characters and ships and genres properly, using it the same way you'd filter stuff on Ao3 is a fool's errand (unless you're doing it by word count/completed/etc, which is objective and automatically tallied I think). You're better off using key words. I usually ignore the filters. The only thing I filter by is fandom at the start page (all of Pokemon is under 'games' in FFN and I don't bother narrowing it down to animeverse personally due to aforementioned mistagging or an entire lack thereof).
So, what key words do I use? When looking for that specific brand of insane campy 2000s kitschy wild unhinged stuff, I usually default to searches like "PS CS IS" (poke contest ikari, there's a lotta stuff in there, sometimes there's ORS/LGS/OS/ES/AS etc and you won't always know the acronym and it's just a surprise tbh) or trope related searches like "Assassin" or "High school" or "Vampire" other words you might find in a summary. You can also search by character names (in the search bar and not in the actual filters, which are not reliable in my experience). I'd say to go for tropes and AUs as far as keywords go. I'd ALSO say to not filter by completed, because that'll filter out a lot of two-week-passion-projects that someone dropped as soon as it got flamed, and there's some fun ones in there.
That's about it, but if you find one good fic then it's worth checking the rest of what the writer has. A lot of them have a bunch of unfinished fics and there's some hidden gems. Have a good time reading, and the search is half the fun! Come back with any funny lines you find if you want :)
#it's so hard because I truly love these classic era insane fics but you've gotta understand that they're from like 2008#and I'm just not going to open myself up to any possible bad-faith interpretations.#it's also hard because like while I'm not a big blogger#there's enough of you guys that I am hesitant to do name/title-dropping for this sort of thing specifically.#I don't want someone to see this and think we're doing it to make fun of the fics#and if someone went and did that from a rec of mine then I'd be really fucking sad about it.#I love these insane 2000s fics even though a lot of them are flawed and a little yikes sometimes.#it's not an ironic enjoyment at all. it's genuine. They're nostalgic and fun and unreserved (albeit-again-a lil' yikes).#they're from when a lot of people wrote only for themselves and leaned fully into that level of self indulgence#and it's really sweet in a way to read them so much later and to see how much fun someone had writing it#now that we're all older and more aware of what we make and more nervous about how it's perceived and aware of quality.#you also tended to see a lot of author's notes about school and summer camp and writing between life#and it's just. idk. it's got such a specific feeling to it. like damn I hope [author] had a nice choir rehearsal in 2009.#I hope their swim meet went well and that their dad stopped being annoying or whatever.#none of this is ever to make fun of the fics or to be mean-spirited. i would hope that people know at this point that I LOVE cringe#thank you very much lol.#I am cringe's number one defender. go be cringe and genuine. it's better than being condescending and bored.
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happy 1 year anniversary to the election results that were so fucked they had me trying to take my mind off of things by watching what seemed like a toxic chinese queerbait show only to find something far more thoughtful and genuinely queer and interesting than expected and end up watching a bunch more unrelated things that are talked about in vaguely the same realms of the internet and then watch bad buddy twice in a row and fall into an endless bingewatch of thai media (some of which is mediocre, some of which is bad, much of which is simply pretty good, and some of which is genuinely incredible) and go, well, it would be a waste of all this language input i'm accidentally giving myself right now if i didn't at least learn a few words. thus accidentally locking myself into watching even more thai media because now i gain serotonin from hearing a sentence i know i could write
#this is about the dutch general elections of 2023. i know another election is probably still on most people's minds#it feels WILD that it's only been a year. and at the same time. the government they eventually formed based on those votes#is still hanging in there. and it feels like THAT's been going on for way longer than a year#*#ah well in happier news! i think it's the way part of me is forever roaming the internet in 2011#but even when a BL (or GL! which is finally picking up!) series is bad. or just boring.#there is something in me that can't help but go !! oh my god? there's a hundred of these out there??#and we can argue definitions and representation and fetishization. but there are So Many queer people working on them these days#and not all but many of these stories are insightful and kind and clever and have a very queer beating heart inside of them#(and there's also something to be said for queer trash tv. that has a place! but i won't get into it)#and this is really truly only a thing of the past few years!!! this did not exist when i was a teen!!!#i'm still so young but i'm EASILY old enough to remember that. and now All Of That is just out there. often on youtube for free#if you are a teen TODAY you don't need to pick between settling for watching tara die on btvs. watching ianto die on torchwood#or watching queer as folk. which is not a knock on qaf but it's not necessarily tv for teens#instead there's like. dozens of queer people on modern western tv! there are ever more queer movies where nobody dies!#and there's just a goddamn fucking impossible-to-watch-in-one-lifetime amount of guaranteed happy end BL series out there#and it's insane!!! that is insane to me!!!#and is also maybe a good thing to remember in current times. things can and do change for the better#sometimes in ways you might not expect. sometimes you might not even know it's happening. but it does
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#i'm going to see the great wall on my bday#it feels a bit surreal#just a bit tho because all the planning and researching and booking makes it very.... tangible#but if young me asked me what my future would look like#what my birthday would look like#and i told her that............. she would go insane#it felt so out of reach when i was small. like another dimension or stuff#(it's like the thing with small me thinking you had to be born an author or whatever)#(you couldn't just become an author. and here i am. writing.)#sometimes i realize young me would LOVE what i'm doing now#i'd be like 'but i'm single and stuff :(' and she'd be like 'gurl who the fuck cares. you're going to china???'#and if she knew i learned chinese...........
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If Robin were a boy she'd be everyone's favorite character but since she's a girl she only gets to be Steve's gay best friend.
#from the simple fact that male!Robin from alternate dimension would certainly be a gay man#automatically shipped with Steve because Of Course#like of course that's how it'd go. and everyone would accuse the show of queerbaiting because obviously a queer man can't come out to a#male straight friend if it doesn't have some supposed ''romantic subtext'' there#the shipwars among h4rringrove and st3ddie and m/m!St0bin would drive me insane#what really drives me up the walls is people so desperate for canon queer rep they need to make up queerness in characters when it isn't#there. and im not talking abt headcanons or shipping i'm talking about people who wholeheartedly believe byl3r is going to be canon#like beyond it being a theory like these people actually believe mike is gay in canon and was intentionally written that way#it wouldn't bother me if it wasn't so painfully clear the female queer character we got isn't enough.#like idc if people have different opinions from me. if you're a byl3r endgame truther it doesn't affect me you do you#but byl3r and st3ddie being so fucking MASSIVE just shows you how male characters are priorized over female characters. like i get people#liking those ships and characters. i'm just shocked to see the NUMBERS.#and knowing Robin isn't as appreciated as them just because she's a girl#like sometimes i feel almost guilty to fixate on her when she's not like one of the main MAIN characters and she barely has an arc and gets#little attention from the story. but then i remember the eddie/st3ddie fandom exists#idk i just wish i could find robin content in robin tags but it seems like tags such as ''robin buckley internalized homophobia'' (my guilty#pleasure when it comes to angst) is dominated by straight boys steve and eddie. which is ironic
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PHOBIA OF SEAWEED IS AN ACTUAL THING?????????????????? you see i am not afraid of the open waters nor am i scared of the things that live there,, like i regularly spend time watching deep sea videos i think they're so cool but oh my fucking god the idea of KELP IS MAKING ME LIKE ACTUALLY TWITCH EEEEEEEEUUUUUUUGHHH okok actually looking at it is kind of fine but the thought of it touching my feet is genuinely making me wanna throw up😭😭😭😭😭
#this is such a stupid thing bc sometimes it's fine#i live by the ocean i am a fish i have seen seaweed i have touched seaweed but it's different when you grab it on purpose compared to it#just randomly touching you#DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE#OMFG I'M GONNA SPIRAL#like once i thought i was gonna drown#mickey lore time#we were paddleboarding with my family and then me and my brother got off it and we started swimming to the shore and like we're both very#good swimmers so this was nothing insane aaand there were no waves or anything and my parents were still close by#but then at one point i was like oh i wonder how deep this actually is and i went under and i tried to touch the ground and sEAAWEEEDDDDD#EEEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I FEEL SICK JUST THINKING ABT ITTT#and it freaked me out so fucking bad and then i suddenly felt so tired and i just wanted to get out but i was still far away and i couldn't#stop thinking abt how it's gonna touch my feet again lmao#and i was very very very close to a panic attack in the water😭😭#oops#anyway i survived and i never told anybody i thought i was gonna drown bc i am not a pussy like that whewwwww#also. when i played subnautica (i only played for a few hours) i was more afraid of the fuckass kelp forest than anything else😭😭😭#i started thinking abt this bc i saw a video of a man in this dark scary cave (????) and like it was fine i was super intrigued until he pu#his fucking foot on the rock and you can just see the layer of seaweed i almost jumped out of my bed FUUCKKK THATTT
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Something i rlly dislike abt Ganyu's characterization in fandom is how ppl see her being read as a stupid weak stereotype, and they just retaliate with another stereotype but from the other end of a spectrum.
She can be strong, competent, knowledgable and have very important role in the Liyue Qixing for years, but also be kind, humble, avoiding conflicts and NOT always knowing everything. those are not mutually exclusive!!! Yes she's old, no that doesn't mean she's now perfectly confident, knows everything and is good at everything. She's not some untouchable, divine being, better than everyone else. Stop removing humanity from her, when that's the whole point of her identity!!!
When i see overly confident, dominant, bitchy, smug, flirty Ganyu i start throwing rocks bc that's not Ganyu, begone impostor.
I just want Ganyu to be actually herself. Not a submissive secretary caricature. Not a dommy mommy caricature. JUST Ganyu, with all her complexity, strengths and weaknesses.
It's like treating Ganyu's personality as inherently weak and boring, so in the act of "justice for women" ppl just remove it and replace with a caricature of a strong woman. It's driving me insane when those "women defenders" are just slandering them, without even thinking abt it. If someone thinks a woman being quiet, kind, humble, avoiding conflict etc. is inherently "misogynistic" and needs those traits to be completely removed and replaced, then they just hate women
#anyways this is my opinion and i feel like an alien in this fandom sometimes lol#i picked ganyu specifically bc obviously she's my fav so i notice it the most here but this is a bigger problem in fandom i think#i'm literally going insane whenever i see this kinda behavior#everytime ppl criticise hoyo for writing/treating women badly they somehow pick the worst arguments#and don't mention how fandom perpetuates shitty stereotypes#they pick favorites instead of making a point. they still think that certain female characters like keqing and ganyu are boring#bc they refuse to acknowledge that those characters have a lot to them but it's just NOT PROPERLY SHOWED. THATS THE ACTUAL DAMN PROBLEM#they infantilize short women and act like it's all just hoyo's fault for not making them tall. this is insane. this is fucking insane#we're playing anime style video game. everyone is gonna look extra young no matter what!! oh my god!!#rant#ganyu
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