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dwobbitfromtheshire · 4 months ago

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From Hell to Home to Back Again

Summary: At the talent show, Chrissy Cunningham is so hungry that she nearly collapses. When she's found by Hopper, her parents ended up losing custody of her. She ends up being placed in the care of the Hendersons, and she finally finds the family she so desperately needed. She also ends up falling in love. What other changes are made in this alternate universe?

@emen-98 @1lostsoul0fishbowl @vulpixsworld

Prologue . . . Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

"The week is long. The silver cat feeds when blue meets yellow in the west," Chrissy, Robin, Ronnie, Dustin, Steve and Eddie read together.

They had finally gotten the message translated. It was long after closing, and all the customers had left. They were the only ones left in Scoops Ahoy and in the mall. Chrissy still felt that sense of fear that something was wrong with Heather. It lingered in the back of her mind no matter how many times she reassured herself. She promised herself to call the Holloways when she got home. Hopefully it was nothing.

"It just can't be right," Steve said as he closed Scoops Ahoy.

"It's right," Robin replied.

"I think it's great news," Dustin said.

"How is this great news? So much for being American heroes?" Steve asked. "It's nonsense."

"You guys want to be American heroes?" Chrissy asked in amusement.

"It certainly would change people's perspectives of us," Eddie said and sighed. "As much as I try not to care about that. . ."

Chrissy and Eddie's hands swung together as they walked through the empty mall. Since no one else was here, Robin and Ronnie were doing the same. It was strange being in the mall alone at night. It made the hairs on Chrissy's neck stand up.

"It's not nonsense. It's very specific. It's obviously a code," Dustin said.

"What do you mean a code?" Steve asked.

"Like a super secret spy code," Dustin exclaimed.

"That's a total stretch," Steve said.

"I don't know, is it?" Robin asked. "I mean, after all that we have been through? With, you know, Higgins selling drugs to kids, Billy putting Chrissy in the hospital. . .Eddie's house blowing up because his father got him involved in a drug heist. . .and other things. . .okay, so let's say this is a secret Russian transmission, what do you think they're going to say? Blow the warheads at noon?"

"Yeah, okay, so you have a point," Steve frowned.

"She usually does," Ronnie said and then frowned. "I'm just going to ignore the other things that you won't tell me about. I trust you, I guess."

Robin looked guiltily at her and then shared a look with Chrissy. She looked back with sympathy, knowing how much you wanted to talk with your partner about these things but also knowing you couldn't. Robin quickly changed the subject back to the secret message, discussing with Dustin what it might mean. Meanwhile, Ronnie stared at her suspiciously. Chrissy had been watching them so closely that she didn't even notice that Steve had fallen behind. They found him putting quarters into a little horsey ride for kids. He fumbled with his change and cursed as it spilled all over the floor.

"Hey! I need a quarter," Steve said.

"Are you sure you're tall enough for that ride?" Robin asked and Eddie snorted with laughter.

"QUARTER!" Steve yelled urgently and Robin tossed him one.

They all watched him as he put the quarter in to start the machine.

"Need help getting up, little Stevie?" Robin asked, and Dustin laughed.

"Would you two just shut up and listen?" Steve asked as he pointed at the Indiana Flyer.

"Holy shit," Dustin realized. "The music. . .the music!"

"It was on the tape!" Chrissy gasped.

"Shit, nice catch, Stevie," Eddie said and clapped him on the shoulders.

"I don't understand," Robin said.

"It's the exact same song on the recording," Dustin told her.

"Maybe they have these in Russia," Robin said.

"An Indiana Flyer? I don't think so," Steve said.

"This code. It didn't come from Russia. It came from here," Steve said.

They all stared at the rocking horse in shock. Russians in Hawkins? No fucking way. Chrissy shared a look with Eddie. Well, there was another world under Hawkins. . .why not Russians, too?

"No way, that's insane. Russians in Hawkins, you've got to be shitting me," Ronnie said. "What would they be doing here? This is a joke, right?"

"Oh, yeah. Total joke. Got you!" Robin chuckled weakly.

"Okay, babe, you're a terrible liar," Ronnie said. "What the fuck is going on? What aren't you telling me?"

"What? I'm not - I am telling you the truth!" Robin exclaimed.

"I don't think any of you have been telling me the truth since Chrissy was put into the hospital," Ronnie sighed. "But whatever, if you don't want to tell me what's going on. Fine."

Ronnie walked off, far ahead of them. Robin watched her, looking sadly at her retreating form.

"She's not going to let this one go, is she?" Robin asked.

"She's Ronnie Ecker. Of course she isn't," Eddie said. "I hate lying to her, too."

Eddie put his arm around Robin and hugged her tightly. Steve moved to her side.

"Hey, if Nancy and I can get through this, then so can you and Ronnie," Steve said. "She's just mad because she cares about you, about all of us."

That night, they all went home with their thoughts running wild. Chrissy went to the phone and immediately called the Holloways.

"Hi, Mrs. Holloway," Chrissy greeted cheerfully.

She never really had a problem with her, but her husband, on the other hand. . .he was a real meathead. She knew Heather hated how much her mother drank, though, because of him.

"Oh, hello, Chrissy, how are you?" She greeted politely.

"Oh, I'm good, Mrs. Holloway," Chrissy said. "How are you?"

"Well, some days are better than others but I'm getting by," she said.

"That's good. . .well, I was calling to check on Heather to see how working at the pool went," Chrissy said.

"Oh, she absolutely loved it until that awful Billy fellow started working there. I know how much he bothers her. You're such a good friend for checking on her," Mrs. Holloway said. "Heather isn't here right now. She's spending the night at Tina's, I think. Hopefully, my baby will be a good influence on that girl."

Chrissy rolled her eyes. If only she knew. . .which she didn't. Heather's mother was usually too deep in her own problems to notice what was going on with her daughter. She didn't even know Heather was a lesbian or that she and Chrissy used to date. After talking with her for a while, Chrissy was finally released from the conversation and hung up the phone. She went to her room and plopped on her bed, feeling a sense of relief. Heather was with Tina. So. . .why did she still feel so worried? Chrissy rolled over and hugged Peggy to her chest, letting Eddie inside her head. She drifted off to sleep with Eddie's presence washing over her.

The next day, Chrissy was dragged to Scoops Ahoy by her very annoying brother. Robin was leaning against the counter with headphones over her ears as she looked over the translation again. Meanwhile, Steve was busy trying to cover for her. The last customer walked away, and the Hendersons took their place at the counter.

"Ready to scout the area for any. . .enemies?" Dustin asked cheerfully.

"Yeah, just hold on," Steve said as he took off his hat and apron.

"Oh, hey, I didn't ask. . .how's Nancy doing at the Newspaper?" Dustin asked.

"Oh, well, she actually has an investigation of her own going on. Something about the rats going crazy and eating fertilizer. . .I don't know what that's about, but Nancy's determined to crack the case even if those stupid misogynistic assholes at the paper try to stop her," Steve replied.

"Well, I'm sure Nancy will show them," Dustin said.

"Yeah, she's great like that," Steve said smiling fondly.

"STEVIE! DUSTY!" they heard a voice yell.

Eddie skidded into the ice cream parlor with a pair of binoculars around his neck. Breathing heavily, he stood in front of Dustin and Steve. He was wearing his cutoff shorts again and a stolen polo of Steve’s. He had torn off the sleeves as well. Eddie was wearing a bright pink scrunchy of Chrissy's in his hair. It wasn't that strange. They had all stolen each other's clothes from everyone amongst their friend group. Gareth had stolen a couple of pieces from Jeff and Eddie. One of them was a red flannel that he cut the sleeves off. Robin either stole from Tina or from Ronnie or Steve. Nancy, Chrissy, and Heather usually swap amongst each other. Robin always joked that no one would be able to tell if anyone was cheating. It was just something that they did.

"Jesus, I don't think the entire mall heard you, Eds," Steve said sarcastically. "Might want to yell a little louder."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. . .Reporting for duty, captain," Eddie said, and Chrissy cleared her throat. "Oh, hey, Chrissy. . .what are my orders?"

"And he greeted me like I wasn't his fucking girlfriend," Chrissy pouted.

"Oh, shit, no! Hi, my love!" Eddie exclaimed. "I swear I'm just excited about the quest."

"I'm really worried that you really are going to leave me for Steve," Chrissy said.

"What?! No, I love you!" Eddie yelped. "Baby, listen. . ."

Eddie pressed his forehead against hers, and she smiled as she felt his love for her pour through their connection. Chrissy sighed happily.

"I love you, too," She said and paused. "Okay, I've decided. You can go play your little spy game with Dustin and Steve."

"Yes!" Eddie exclaimed and kissed her deeply, pouring everything he had into the kiss.

Chrissy watched him fondly as he took off with her brother and Steve as they went to look for evil Russians. Ronnie had entered just as they had exited.

"Do I want to know?" Ronnie asked.

"No," Ronnie and Chrissy said.

"I came here with him, but the asshole took off when we came through the door," Ronnie said. "I figured he was excited to see you, Chrissy."

"At the end of the day, he'll come running to me when he tires himself out," Chrissy giggled and stepped aside to let Ronnie approach the counter.

"Are we okay?" Robin asked Ronnie.

"I thought a lot about it last night, and I can't force you to tell me if you're not ready to. It's just frustrating not knowing what's going on with the people I love," she said.

"I'm sorry, I wish I could tell you," Robin said softly.

"Well, that makes me feel a little better," Ronnie said. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said. "Does it make you feel even better to know that I wish I could kiss you?"

"It does. . .you still working on that message?" Ronnie asked.

"Yeah."

"Let me help."

" . . . A trip to China sounds nice if you tread lightly," Robin read the other part of the message to her.

Ronnie leaned against the counter, frowning thoughtfully. Yeah, Chrissy couldn't figure it out either. Before Ronnie could open her mouth, Erica Sinclair marched her and her friends into the parlor to take advantage of their company policy. Ronnie and Chrissy moved back to let Robin deal with her. Once that was done, they went back to it until a delivery guy dropped off a package for Scoops Ahoy, and that's when Robin connected the dots. The message was talking about the stores in the mall. It was a time and place for them to meet or to drop something off. Chrissy and Ronnie had stared at her like she was crazy as she stood up tall in the middle of the mall. Although, Ronnie looked at her more appreciatively. They had run into the guys on the way out, and they had followed after them.

"I cracked it," Robin said. "I cracked the code."

It was how they later ended up looking down at the back end of Starcourt wearing raincoats late at night as the rain came pouring down on them.

"The things I do for you," Ronnie muttered, and Chrissy giggled.

"There's your Russians," Robin said.

"What do you think in there?" Steve asked, talking about the boxes they were moving.

"Guns? Bombs?" Dustin asked.

"Chemical weapons," Robin said.

"Dragons," Eddie said, and they all looked at him. "What? Like that idea is totally out of the realm of possibility?"

"Well, whatever it is, they're armed to the teeth," Dustin said as he looked through Eddie's binoculars.

"Great, that's great," Steve said.

They watched as the Russians down below opened a set of double doors to put boxes inside a room.

"It's just more boxes," Dustin said.

Of course, Steve and Dustin had to fight over the binoculars. Their tussle ended up causing a ruckus and alerted the armed guards. They all quickly ducked for cover, and Chrissy squeezed Eddie's hand with hers. She noticed Robin, Ronnie, and Steve doing the same. They managed to make their way safely back inside and out of the rain.

"Well, I think we found your Russians," Robin told Steve.

"Holy shit! Russians really have invaded Hawkins. . .what the fuck?!" Ronnie exclaimed. "I mean, why would they come here of all places? What's so special about Hawkins?"

Chrissy shared an uneasy look with her brother, Eddie, Robin, and Steve. Ronnie definitely didn't miss the way the way they all tensed up, and she let out a frustrated yell.

"Still excited about your quest?" Chrissy asked Eddie.

"Not so much," Eddie said. "The minute I saw the guns. . ."

They all waited inside the ice cream parlor for the rain to let up, and then they all escaped the mall. Eddie offered to drive Dustin and Chrissy home, squeezing in the back of his van with their bikes. He dropped a quiet Ronnie off at her house, wincing as she slammed the door. Chrissy crawled into her spot.

"I hate when she's mad at me," Eddie nodded.

"She'll understand," Chrissy said softly.

"Is it really that much safer if she's left I'm the dark?" Eddie asked.

"We have no choice, Eddie, we all signed NDAs," Dustin spoke up.

"Yeah, I know," Eddie replied. "I just put her through hell before with lying to her and everything about what happened with my dad."

"Yeah, you put Chrissy through hell, too," Dustin said, narrowing his eyes at him. "Don't think that I forgot about that. Any, you can NOT tell because they'll cart all of us off to jail or juvie or foster care. Hell, maybe they'll kill all of us and cover it up. Whatever they do, I'd rather we keep our family together."

"Dustin!" Chrissy exclaimed.

"What? It's the truth!" He yelled.

"You could be a little more sensitive about it," Chrissy said.

"I don't know how anyone can soften the blow for that," he replied.

"By the way, I think you're being a little hypocritical for someone who ended up being the one that let it slip about all of this," Eddie said.

"That's exactly why I'm saying this, Eddie! I did all that to impress a girl! I brought something dangerous into the house! It killed Mews, but it could have killed Chrissy or our mom or you! Bringing you into all of this, it's my fault. I can't stop you from following me and making sure I'm safe and we have no other choice but to stop these bastards from coming into our home! We have to cause as little damage as possible, and we can't worry about NDAs or worry about more people getting involved when they shouldn't!" Dustin yelled.

It got quiet in the van, and a moment later, they heard Dustin sniffling. Eddie stopped the van and turned around.

"I'm sorry, shrimp," Eddie said.

"I'm just tired," Dustin said softly as he rubbed his eyes. "I just don't want anything to happen to anyone, but I also want all the shit that we've been through to mean something."

Eddie leaned over to wrap his arms around Dustin, hugging him tightly.

"You've got the biggest heart of anyone that I have ever met," Eddie said. "Never change, Dustin Henderson."

"I won't," he said and sobbed into Eddie's shoulder.

"You don't have to carry this crap alone either," he said. "Okay?"

"Okay."

"We're going to get through this together," he said.

Chrissy watched them fondly and let them have their moment before wrapping her arms around both of them. After all the tears were shed, Eddie pulled away and started the van back up. When they pulled up in front of their house, Chrissy turned to her brother.

"Why don't you go in? I'll be there in a few minutes," Chrissy asked.

"Why? What are you going to do to Eddie?" Dustin asked.

"Do you really want to know?" Chrissy asked and Eddie snorted.

Dustin huffed, pulled the door open, and slammed it before storming into the house.

"I love you," Chrissy said softly to Eddie.

"I love you, too," he replied and paused. "You know that I don't want anything to happen to Ronnie either."

"I know that," Chrissy said. "And Dustin does too."

"Do you think the reason that the Russians are here is because of the Upside Down?" Eddie asked.

"I can't think of any other reason they'd be here," Chrissy said.

"Yeah," Eddie said. "Fuck!"

"I'm tired of this shit, too, Eddie," Chrissy sighed.

The wall that they had put up earlier was still there, and Chrissy could feel it now more than ever. She hugged him but they didn't kiss goodbye and as she walked to the front door, she couldn't help but wonder why she didn't kiss him. Maybe she was just too tired. When Chrissy entered the house, she found their mother fussing over Dustin and his wet clothes. Claudia had immediately turned on her as well. After drinking hot chocolate and watching some TV with their mother, they went off to bed. Dustin had nodded off on the couch and nearly spilled his hot chocolate. Chrissy crawled into bed and curled up with Peggy Munson. Thoughts of Russians, Eddie, and Heather filled her head. It was too late to call Nancy and talk about it all with her, Chrissy thought as she drifted off to sleep. Shit! Steve said something about Nancy investigating rats, and she had been dreaming about rats. Chrissy fell asleep before she could question it further.

Chrissy was falling, and she was falling fast. She was in the void, and she could hear someone calling her name.

"Chrissy?!"

"Heather?!"

She appeared before Chrissy, looking gaunt and scared, tears running down her face.

"I just wanted to help. I know he hurt you, and even though he did that, I couldn't help but reach out to him. . .but there's something wrong with him, Chrissy. There's something wrong with Billy, and I don't know where he brought me. I don't know where I am," Heather sobbed.

"Heather, what happened?" Chrissy asked.

"He attacked me, and there was this monster. . . ," she cried.

"What monster?" Chrissy asked.

Suddenly, the void and Heather disappeared. Chrissy was standing in an old abandoned house.

"Chrissy. . .she does NOT matter to you," a voice in the darkness called out to her. "She's unimportant, unlike me. . .you shall soon discover. . .where your heart truly belongs. . ."

A dark figure came rushing out at her, and vines wrapped around her body. Chrissy screamed. Darkness overcame her.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

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lyxthen · 11 months ago

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I think that one of the things that keep me on the fence about fully rejecting AI is, oddly enough, Nyan Cat. The composer of the song, DaniwellP (a producer who also made other songs like Wonder of Wonder, which is GREAT and WHOLESOME and you should listen to it), has a page in their website that allows you to feed a short text prompt to an AI trained on their music. It is a lovely page run by the artist themself that gives you a silly little tune.

And... That's it. There are no investors to please, no startup fever dreams of a world run by AI, no taking art from others without consent. Just someone going, "Hey, you know what would be fun?" and then doing it. For the joy of it. It is ethical AI in action.

I feel like the reason so many people opose AI art is not because they think it is inherently bad, but because of the devastating effects it could have on industry and the media in a world as unstable as ours. Where we are disconnected from our fellow humans beings. But using this site, I felt more connected to DaniwellP, odd as that sounds. Because this is their project, this "automatic composer" is itself a piece of art to engage with, made by someone passionate about their craft. Isn't that amazing? Isn't that a gift to the world?

The art, in this case, is not only the tunes the machine makes, but the machine itself. Because the machine is what we the audience interact with. And then we can take the resulting composition home, download it as a souvenir. It's a new way to interact with the work of an artist, NOT a tool to replicate and sell it without effort or credit. It was made because it's fun.

Personally, I think this is beautiful.

#ai art #ai #vocaloid #nyan cat

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ocean-in-my-rebel-soul · 4 months ago

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Inspired by @josilverdragon!

Here's the top five songs I've been listening to this week (I use Youtube Music) and a couple of sentences of what I think about them. I've added screenshots of what the song card is in YT Music with the link to the YT video, in case someone doesn't have YTM.

Tagging: @flashhwing @heart809 @dismalzelenka @luddlestons @barbex and anyone who wants to share! Tag me back, I wanna see what you're listening to!

1) "Blood // Water" by grandson

This has been my most repeated song this week. With everything going on in the world over the last, uh, forever, scream-singing it in my car has been rather therapeutic. I've even added it to my karaoke repertoire for when I'm in A Mood and feeling kinda crunchy about it all. I put it on when I'm angry with the world and daydreaming about a hypothetical world revolution.

2) "Feed The Machine" by Poor Man's Poison

More of the same. It's got very bourgeoisie vs. proletariat, anti-capitalist overlords, and anti-ologarchy vibes going on, and it speaks to my rage at the system I find myself living in. Plus, it's just a bop! It always gets stuck in my head, and it's just fun, kinda. I like the band's sound and overall vibe; everything I've listened to by them has been really great.

3) "Welcome to the Internet" by Bo Burnham

So I absolutely love this song. I absolutely love this whole special, both the film and the album. I wasn't a Burnham fan before this, though I was familiar with his music/comedy and was fond of a couple of songs, but INSIDE squished my brain inside out (ha) and turned me into jello. It's one of, if not THE best musicomedy or comedy specials in my heart. Plus, The Internet/the assembled websites as a villain/s is just such a fun thing to think about, and it's inspired me to work on crafting a drag number with an unfortunately elaborate costume with 3D printed custom retractable claws.

4) "Murder at the Bingo Hall" by Amigo the Devil [live video]

This absolutely fucks. The frenetic guitar, the kinda manic-touched quality of his voice as he's singing, the rather absurd and simple scene for such an energetic song to be written about - it all comes together into something insanely memorable. This video of his live performance really highlights all that for me, too. It's a super fun song, and it makes it very easy to get into his music. The drive of the guitar and his slapping accompaniment is pretty common throughout his music, and the imagery here is very descriptive without being overly heavy, which I feel is one of his great strengths throughout each song. Highly recommend!

5) "Primo Victoria" by Sabaton

This is just a big "fuck you" to Nazis everywhere. Written about Operation Overload and D-Day/the storming of the beaches in 1944, it's super metal and just gets my blood racing. My steering wheel and dashboard have each taken such beatings from my not-so-air drumming! It always makes me amped up whenever I have it on. This past week had it in especially heavy rotation. It's the first track on my "No Nazis in Valhalla" playlist. Fun fact: the a capella band Van Canto made a kickass drums-and-vocals (almost a capella) cover of this song, and the singer of Sabaton, Joakim Brodén, sang the lead on this! It's stripped down by nature of the musical approach but is no less awesome!

Honorary Mentions:

6) "Automatonic Electronic Harmonics" by Steam Powered Giraffe

Who doesn't love steam-punky bands? Who doesn't love androids and automatons? I love them so much! SPG is a fictional band of automatons built by a robotics engineer/scientist in attempt to win the heart of his love interest, a fellow scientist. He was unsuccessful, and he continued his research while feuding with a social and professional rival who had also been wooing his crush, and ultimately they went to war. After a long existence as weapons and soldiers, the band has since returned to their roots in entertainment as comedians, actors, and musicians.

IRL, SPG is known musically for their harmonies. A couple of their songs are less smooth in that regard but on the whole, their harmonies really show off how much of an influence and inspiration The Bee Gees have been to them as a band. Those harmonies get really elegant, emotional, and tight!

7) "The Fine Print | The Outer Worlds Song" by The Stupendium

I'm a sucker for a pop-culture song, and though I haven't played The Outer Worlds, this definitely scratches that itch and has put the game on my wish list for when I get rich. But like, it's directly attacking capitalism and its predatory exploitation of the working class and even poorer people in order to further capital gains. Again, I'm not familiar with the game, but as far as I understand it, its premise is built around a work colony that people go to and then are effectively indentured to the company. The song has made me really eager to see how it's viewed in-game and what the common views are of the power dynamics there.

Some banger lines:

* "You've been trapped in that ship for an awful long time, so perhaps you have simply forgot what you signed. Oh, honestly, did you not read the colony policy that defines you as company property? That waivers your say in autonomy? The conglomerate's got you in lock and key! We put the "dollar" back into "idolatry." If you're upset, you can rent an apology. We are a family forged in bureaucracy. No 'I' in 'team', but there's 'con' in 'economy.'"

* "We work to earn the right to work to earn the right to work to earn the right to work to earn the right to work to earn the right to give ourselves the right to buy ourselves the right to live, to earn the right to die"

#ocean waves #tag game #music

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miladythewinter · 7 months ago

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i listened to the anthology tracks and yep these are overall better than the standard album. somehow not surprising.

"peter" really surprised me cause it's a lovely, simple song and it shows what she can do. that is, that she could be writing good songs in her own corner instead of constantly talking about her real life scandals in the most overt way possible. cause there's no subtlety, no "this inspired me", it's more like "here's everything i think about this with names and dates and everything". and that's what holds her back as an artist, namely one who can create earnest, timeless songs and reach many people; she can't do that if her songs are just gossip articles about her own life in music form. that stereogum review was right on the money when it said that the Lore is starting to overwhelm the music and also that it's self-made (to feed the stans, the obsession, the money-making machine).

i always wonder why she doesn't just stop. like take a break, don't bring up the same things over and over, you can be free taylor and release yourself from the hell of fame. but at the same time i think she can't because it's all she knows and by now it's like her identity (so what else would she write about?). that's why i think she feels so "threatened" by younger artists, cause it's like someone is stealing her life. but this is why people have less and less sympathy for her: cause on one hand it's understandable fame is terrible and would do this to her but on the other it's something so obviously maintained and craved by her? she always has the upper hand, she has won everything, she is at the top, why keep doing this dance of woe is me? but these are just my layman's thoughts

last night i read tavi gevinson's essays on taylor and it was fascinating because gevinson was also famous at a young age - and knows fame from the inside unlike me - and knew taylor personally.

2 things stood out to me: the part where gevinson mentions that parasocial relationships go both ways in that famous people also become attached to their fans and begin to forget that those fans are not their friends but just a mass of consumers of their art, while the haters crystallise into a real, very serious entity you feel you can fight and win over.

second, when gevinson recalls a late night hours-long conversation with swift in which the spell was broken when gevinson suddenly mentioned how much she liked and related to "wildest dreams". and it's because in that moment they went from 2 friends talking to The Artist and The Fan. taylor went from a person to a celebrity. the closeness immediately turned into a great distance. and this made me wonder really how Taylor can never forget she's a celebrity, that there's always a perpetual audience around her, which again just makes me realize Fame is Hell

and gevinson kinda says and appeals to taylor the same as i did above. to let go and recognize the reality of her situation. anyway i wonder if taylor has read the essays

#sorry for the armchair psychology #taylor swift #text

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plague-doctor-on-tumbler · 1 year ago

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What I recommend music wise depends on what you're looking for, I listen to a little bit of everything including things many don't consider good. This is gonna be rushed because I'm tired.

The Mechanisms are a band I've been enjoying recently, it's very narrative though and best listened to in order. It's about immortal space pirates and rebellion and stuff. very cool.

Starting your villain arc? May I recommend Shayfer James, and his album Counterfeit Arcade? Also Will Wood/Will Wood and The Tapeworms

I personally like System of a Down, Linkin Park and Deftones, they are Metal/Numetal.

Some trad goth artists I like are The Cure and Souxsie and The Banshees

I also really like synthwave covers of the Bloodborne soundtrack on YouTube, and synthwave in general really

Not all Country sucks, just most of it, especially after 911. Folk and Gothic Country are great. Poor Mans Poison, Johnny Cash, First Aid Kit and The Crane Wives are bands/artists I enjoy.

They aren't for everyone but I thought I'd throw them out there just because, I'll probably remember more tomorrow. What I listen to mainly depends on vibes so often times it's just specific songs rather than artists/bands or defined genres.

Need a playlist to cry too? I Bet on Losing Dogs by Mitski, No Surprises by Radiohead, Euthanasia by Will Wood, etc.

Disturbed made a cover of the Sound of Silence, and it's beyond awesome.

Thanks for the list, I shall listen to them and not my thoughts down.

The Mechanisms, "ooh pirate metal, that's going in the sea shanty playlist"

Counterfeit Arcade by Shayfer James, a bit slow for my taste but pretty good nonetheless.

Will Wood, this is more my taste.

Will Wood and the Tapeworms, same as before, musics pretty catchy. (this is about Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!) 2012 REFRENCE!!!!!! GOING STRAIGHT INTO MY PLAYLIST WHERE THE ONLY CRITERIA IS THE SONG NEEDS TO REFRENCE 2012 IN A NOSTALGIC SENSE (it's more common then you think)

System Of A Down, think I've listened to them before, or at least a band that sounded similar.

I already listen to Linkin Park

Deftones, reminds me of Weezer for some reason.

The Cure, already listened to them before, they're one of my friends favorite bands.

Siouxsie and The Banshees, dosent make me feel anything, no likes, no dislikes.

Yeah most synthwave covers of videogame music/voice lines sound pretty good, personal favorite is dagothwave.

Poor Man's Poison is already a band I listen to quite often, favorite song is Feed The Machine.

Johnny Cash, reminds me of the music I used to listen to when I was 10ish, so that's okay by me, might not listen to it as much but still makes me a bit nostalgic.

First Aid Kit, definitely sounds like my type of music reminds me of Young Rising Sons a bit.

The Crane Wives, wonder where the name came from, anyway a bit slow but reminds me a lot of Five For Fighting which is an artist I like so that's a good sign.

I Bet on Losing Dogs by Mitski, too slow for my tastes, still kinda relaxing though.

No Surprises by Radiohead, too much radio not enough head 😔, never liked radiohead that much, pretty calming though liked the background music a lot.

Euthanasia by Will Wood, really similar to a lot of songs I like so I kept expecting a louder and quicker paced chorus but sadly it never came, pretty sad lyrics wonder what's the context.

Sound Of Silence, did this song for 8th grade choir, so I've heard both this version and the original, I perfer the original but this ones pretty good too.

So that's it. If any of my other mutuals want to suggest songs go right ahead

#mutual asked me a question

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madewithspice · 2 years ago

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Hi Kiki and Markie! :) Hope you are doing well. Can I get a Haikyuu and BNHA matchup?

Name: Em

Sexuality: pansexual

Likes: true crime podcasts, anime, listening to music, painting, reading, and cats

Dislikes: wet socks, cottage cheese, bugs especially centipedes, aggressive people and loud noises

MBTI: infj

I’m 5’7 plus sized Queen who loves playing games and is a big kid at heart.

Thank you for your time and energy! ^//^ <3

Hi we’re doing good, how are you?

Of course. For Haikyuu I match you with Kuroo Tetsuro

Who better than a nerdy giant for you. Kuroo is open to try anything if you ask him to, even if it’s listening to gruesome murders. You want to solve a cold case game with him, well he’s already in his trench coat paired with a fedora in hand. He’ll even put on the outfit just to listen to match the ambiance created by the true crime podcasts you’re listening to.

Kuroo is canonically a dog person but you convince him cats are just as awesome. You guys take in a stray cat that Kuroo had been secretly feeding for ages after it follows him home one day and Kuroo falls hard for the scrawny kitten.

Dating Kuroo is great but what seals the deal is the fact he is a great bug deterrent. He will tackle the creepy crawlies that is until he starts chasing you with them, then you have one more annoying bug to deal with.

For BNHA I match you with Ms. Joke

Ms Joke is definitely a big kid at heart too so the two of you can easily get along without any awkwardness. But that also means you’re now on her list of people to prank and she takes her pranks very seriously so beware.

One of your dates is plugging in the Karaoke machine and acting out cringey pop songs. Ms Joke has a lot of witty banter and is quick to jump onto any jokey behaviour between the two of you. She knows how to keep conversations going and days are never boring with her.

Your relationship would be filled with friendly fire and lots of teasing, it’s almost a competition now to see who will give in first which leads to all sorts of other competitions and races until chaos is achieved.

Enjoy - Kiki.

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cyclone-rachel · 2 years ago

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Tomorrowverse Karadox playlist analysis, part 2

Blame it On My Heart (Karmin):

Trust I wanted to tell you

No, I never meant for you to be hurt

Tongue-tied-up my escape plan

Now I got a million bridges to burn

Here comes the ache, too much to take

You got to let it go (let it go)

Give me a break, it's my mistake

Darling, I should've known

I couldn't help it, sorry I'm selfish

But blame it on my heart

Blame it on the beating

No alibi, I had to try, baby

Blame it on my heart

Blame it on the beating

All the things I said

Cross them out in red, honey

Blame it on my heart

Blame it on the feeling

Don't make it worse

I can't reverse it so

Blame it on my heart

Blame it on my beating heart

One of my favorite songs from the past few years, and I think it’s for sure the middle part of the movie where Brainy is blamed for what he didn’t do, and it definitely reminds me of when he confesses to Kara that his plan wasn’t logical but he still wanted to prove that he wasn’t his family. It doesn’t really fit the serious tone of that scene, but it’s a bop and I still like listening to it.

Checkmate- Conan Gray

'Cause I've gotten tired of the games that you play

When you tell me you love me then you throw me away

So cry me a river till you drown in the lake

'Cause you may think you're winning but checkmate

Yeah you may think you're winning but checkmate

I think I discovered this one on a playlist for another rivals-to-lovers pairing, and again the lyrics aren’t quite accurate, but the vibe fits, and the chess motif fits for Brainy.

Will They or Won’t They?- Misbehavin’ Maidens

In these stories we want to know

Will they or won’t they?

But with us, I know the answer: We won’t

Another song where not all the lyrics fit, and because it references several other couples, I don’t get all the references, but the vibes are there, and I just like finding enemies/rivals to lovers songs, I think they’re fun.

Mechanical Planet- VERIDIA

The truth is

I'll work day and night

To keep the gears grinding in your mind

To keep you from knowing you are worth more than gold

Not some assembly-line, rusted shell of a person that I try to remote-control

I never want you to believe

That when you're down on your knees

That someone is actually listening

If you are undistracted for even a moment

I'll lose my hold

And you would notice that you have never been alone

Never have you ever fought alone

On this mechanical planet

You were made for perfection

Not created defective

On this mechanical planet

You were not meant to be

Just some broken machine

On this mechanical planet

I love this song! I love Veridia! I think they’re really neat! I have loved this song since I was in college, it’s great, it fits Brainy and his family almost perfectly, bye. I know they’re not quite robots here, but I still appreciate this a lot.

Feed the Machine- Poor Man’s Poison

I said hey (hey), you (you), poison the well

Watch it all burn, take 'em straight to hell

He's got the whole (whole), world (world) in his hands

It was nice to know ya, we've all been damned

C'mon (c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon)

We've all been damned, c'mon

I said hey (hey), you (you), feed the machine

Bring them all back down to their knees

Yeah so this is another song that I associate with Brainy’s family/the Dark Circle, it’s a song that I’ve only found recently so I haven’t gotten to really get into the lyrics, but it definitely reminds me of them generally, and the last part of the movie where it looks like they’ve won.

Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene- Hozier

I watch the work of my kin bold and boyful

Toying somewhere between love and abuse

Calling to join them the wretched and joyful

Shaking the wings of their terrible youths

Freshly disowned in some frozen devotion

No more alone or myself could I be

Lurched like a stray to the arms that were open

No shortage of sordid, no protest from me

With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean

She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene

With her straw-blonde hair, her arms hard and lean

She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene

So this one I’ve known about for a while but not actually listened to, I think someone from another fandom I’m in used it as a title for a fanfic, but I mean. It’s Brainy and Kara, right? Brainy’s point of view, and his perspective of Kara. Another song I recently started listening to and love a lot, and then realized how perfect it is for this version of these two.

Hold Each Other- A Great Big World, Futuristic

Everything looks different now

All this time my head was down

He came along and showed me how to let go

I can't remember where I'm from

All I know is who I've become

That our love has just begun like ohhh

Something happens when I hold him

He keeps my heart from getting broken

When the days get short and the nights get a little bit frozen

We hold each other

I just think this is a good romantic song in general, and I have used it as a song in my other Karadox playlist/used it as the source of a fanfic title for them. But looking at the lyrics again, it does really fit these versions of Kara and Brainy, and I should listen to it again.

Your Kind of Beautiful- Sophie Park

You see a lion and a sailboat in the sky

All I see is little clouds passing me by

You pick a dandelion and you make a wish

All I see is stubborn weeds growing in the ditch

And if I could be I would be be the way you be

And if I could see I would see see the way you see

Your kind of beautiful is beautiful to me

Suddenly a symphony is playing in my head

Now I want to see the world the way you do instead

Like a silver lining, pretty picture, coin of you

I like the way you make me feel

the way I feel with you

Again, just a sweet song and one that I have on the other Karadox playlist, and it reminds me of when Brainy is healing Kara and telling her that he wishes he could be like her, and about how she’s so strong and brave and beautiful and whatnot. And I also think this fits from Kara’s point of view, with her seeing the good in Brainy and appreciating that he is also beautiful in his own way.

Cloud 9- Beach Bunny

When I start to tumble from the sky

You remind me how to fly

Lately, I've been feeling un-alive

But you bring me back to life

But when he loves me, I feel like I'm floating

When he calls me pretty, I feel like somebody

Even when we fade eventually to nothing

You will always be my favorite form of loving

Not a lot of lyrics in this one, but I think it’s from Kara’s perspective, contrasting how she feels at the beginning of the movie with her relationship with Brainy afterwards (and bonus “fade eventually to nothing”- nod at Crisis, even though that will never happen in the Tomorrowverse probably)

Life is Strange- MARINA

Don't know what I'm doing with my life

But maybe there's no wrong or right

'Cause everybody feels the same

And all we know is life is strange (Ah)

All we know is life is strange (Ah)

All we know is life is strange

We're in the future, living fast

Can never make a moment last

Is it ever gonna be enough

To love another and be loved?

Because I had to put a Marina song on here somewhere, and I just think this fits Kara’s perspective again, with her going from escaping Krypton to not fitting in on Earth to ultimately finding a place where she belongs in the future.

Bloodline- Natalie Jane

Try to escape it, I try to erase it

But you make me feel so alive

I'm sick and tired of tryina conspire

A way to outrun my bloodline

You ran into a battlefield I tried to disguise

Dodging bullets stepping on mines

All the ones before me have committed this crime

I gave a warning so many times

I mean, it’s such a Brainy song, isn’t it? It really doesn’t need an explanation, it just works for especially this version of Brainy with his relatives being so prominent in this movie and being the big reason that nobody trusts him.

Sparks Fly- Taylor Swift

My mind forgets to remind me

You're a bad idea

You touch me once and it's really something

You find I'm even better than you imagined I would be

I'm on my guard for the rest of the world

But with you I know it's no good

And I could wait patiently but I really wish you would

Drop everything now

Meet me in the pouring rain

Kiss me on the sidewalk

Take away the pain

'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile

Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down

Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around

'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile

…I think this is a genuinely sweet and romantic song and I loved it when I was a teenager. And I like thinking about it in relation to Kara and Brainy, even though there’s a later lyric that includes “run my fingers through your hair” and that doesn’t really work here for obvious reasons. Although, Brainy could always run his fingers through Kara’s hair, that would be cute.

Intoxicated- The Cab

In a room full of frozen faces

In a moment of fractured time

We eclipse in a conversation

As your words, they pass us by

With you, we could be the only ones here

'Cause I think you're from another world

And I, I couldn't love another girl

'Cause you, you make me feel

Like I'm intoxicated, -toxicated

To the sky, flying high

Take me to the moon

Day or night, we don't have to say a word

'Cause you make me feel

Like I'm intoxicated, -toxicated

Another suggestion from Brandi, again this makes me think of the Miracle Machine situation and Kara and Brainy literally being frozen in time as they stop the machine, and Brainy just generally falling for Kara and being head over heels in love with her (also obviously Kara literally being from another world)

Dark Side- Kelly Clarkson

There's a place that I know

It's not pretty there and few have ever gone

If I show it to you now

Will it make you run away?

Or will you stay? Even if it hurts

Even if I try to push you out, will you return?

And remind me who I really am

Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side

Do you love me? Can you love mine?

Nobody's a picture perfect

But we're worth it

You know that we're worth it

Will you love me?

Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond from black dust

It's hard to know what can become if you give up

So don't give up on me

Please remind me who I really am

Another pitch-perfect Brainy song in any universe, and another song I’ve loved since I first heard it. For this movie, I think it works best with the scene where Kara and Brainy talk while Brainy is imprisoned, and Kara indeed doesn’t give up on him, treating him like a hero and telling him that she believes him.

#karadox #tomorrowverse #kara zor el #brainiac 5 #legion of super heroes (2023)#ship: believe in all the possibilities #papa don’t look #long post #rachel talks about stuff #is this very late? yes #but also i still can't believe we got this much with these two so i have to appreciate it #and there are a lot of songs that i think work for them! if you have suggestions let me know #part 3 is coming hopefully soon

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lovesick-level-up · 2 months ago

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Not a request but what are your favorite medias rn? Love your editing btw <3

oooh, what a fun question, anon!! we're glad you like our edits! we'll list a couple different things in catagories lmao. and put it under the cut, because this got long.

games:

cookie run: kingdom (literally play it every day and haven't gotten bored yet, its great)

project diva (forget pjsk. project diva is so difficult, but so so fun)

the sims 4 (the og, we've been building a lot and pretending to be an architect, have over 3000 hours in it)

stardew valley (doing our first proper 100% run and enjoying it thoroughly, another simulation game we have too many hours in)

dungeons and dragons (its dnd, what more can we say. currently in two campaigns and we think about them every day, they are so fun)

shows/movies:

we aren't a big fan of tv shows and movies, mostly because we put off watching them lmao, but here's some of our favourites.

tv: archer, brooklyn 99, parks and recreation, dragon ball z, pokemon, power rangers

movies: the old guard, kingsman, deadpool, nightmare before christmas

books:

we've been really into non fiction books on history and art - we recently picked up a book on pre-nazi german avant garde art we've loved reading.

we also got a book from the series "sketching from the imagination" and the art is fantastic as well as informational.

our college's library is great, so we're probably going to be picking up a lot of books this year lmao.

music:

the singer, ado (we've had RuLe on repeat, such a bop)

the group, guano apes (german rock bands are a whole different breed, i swear)

EPIC: THE MUSICAL (finally got around to listening to it and holy crap, go listen to it)

the song, est-ce que tu m'aimes by gims (THE wriolette song, we love some angst, so pretty)

the song, machine love by jamie paige (teto, our beloved, this song is so fun and has such a good video)

the song, godforsaken by shu (rin and luka together in a song! super relatable song, super good)

the song, the hand that feeds by the crane wives (THE song of our dnd character, rush, and makes our little communist heart sing /j)

youtube:

kaz rowe (such good videos, especially on queer history, super funny and lovely person)

miniminuteman (fantastic channel on archaeology, history and debunking conspiracy theories, might literally be the reason we're considering going into archaeology lmao)

gamegrumps (they are playing drv3 right now and it is hilarious, generally such fun gaming content)

okay, i think that covers all the bases lmao. sorry, anon, we just enjoy talking about our interests and we don't get much of a chance anymore. thank you for the ask!

~ volt

#[questions]#[volt]#anon ask #anonymous #we love answering questions like this!!#always feel free to send them in

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unnamedrat · 10 months ago

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My reactions and thoughts on @stargirl1331 playlist!

This took so long, I'm so sorry, but I really wanted to review every single song there. My favorites are in bold but like, all of them are so so great.

where did the sun go? by Lor: Such a cool song, wish it was longer <3

Rule #4 - Fish in a Birdcage by Fish in a Birdcage: Ohhhh I love the cover, so pretty. The lyrics are so good: “With his beak he tries to soothe me/He makes me feel that I belong”, such a cool cool metaphor. The instrumental is so jahfkajskajd.

Welcome Home by Radical Face: It sounds so pretty, the lyrics are so warm(? I can only describe them as warm, I'm not really good at describing feelings, lmao.

Breezeblocks by alt-J: I used to listen to this song a lot in 2020!! It's so nostalgic. It might be that my english kinda sucked back then so I didn't fully understand them but I don't remember the lyrics being this good!?? Hello?? Also, the last minute of the song? ABSOLUTE BANGER- PLEASE DON'T GOOOO I'LL EAT YOU WHOLE I LOVE YOU SOOOOO.

Choice by Jack Stauber's Micropop: JACK!!!! I love this man, he's so artsy. His music videos are so akkskakdkq.

The Hand That Feeds by The Crane Wives: I love the title of this one, it's the same as one of Nine Inch Nails songs (they're nothing alike, just the title). Cool guitar. Pretty voice. Ok, this one is so so cool. The lyrics. THE VOICE. THE LYRICS!!!! “He taught me that the hand that feeds/Deserves to be bitten when it beats” AAAAAAAAAAAA Directly to my liked songs.

It's Alright by Mother Mother: Hey, my sister likes this song!! I love the lyrics :)

Vagabond by MisterWives: A pretty cover!!!! She has such a cool voice. I like it, it has a very cheerful tone but the lyrics are so deep and I love them.

Choke by IDK HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME: Another song I know!! I really like it. The lyrics, the beat, the vibes, everything.

It's Okay (To Punch Nazis) by Cheap Perfume: Say it louder for the people in the back!

Always Forever by Cults: This one's so nice to the ear. It reminds me in a way of Mars Argo music: not so healthy lyrics and cute sounding melodies and voices.

notre dame by Paris Paloma: The art on the cover is so pretty and nice, I love it. It sounds so soft, kinda comforting, and the lyrics are amazing and beautiful and amazing. It gives Claudine Frollo vibes.

Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths: A 7-minute song!!! I love long songs!! The lyrics are so beautiful and sad, yet so important. The french lyrics with the violin in the background parts sound so good, no idea what the man's saying tho.

Tip Toes by half•alive: THIS SONG IS SO GOOD!?!? I LOVE IT

Burning Pile by Mother Mother: One of my sister's favorites, they're a really cool band and have great instrumentals and build ups!!

Never Love an Anchor by The CraneWives: COYOTE STORIES!!! A SHIP LOVING AN ANCHOR!!!! HER CLUMSY HANDS!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Alien Blues by Vundabar: Another of my 2020 favorites! I truly don't know why I stopped listening to it because it's great “My teeth are yellow, hello world/Would you like me a little better if they were white like yours?” AAAAAAAAAA such a good song

Which Witch by Florence + The Machine: I love the way this woman sings!! Such a powerful voice and a great beat too! I think my sister likes her? I've definitely seen her in one or two of her playlists. I'm sending her this playlist because I feel like she would like it.

Inheritance by The Last Bison: Cool instrumental!! Don't have much to say about it, my strength is lyrics, but it sounds amazing!

still feel. by half•alive: This song feels familiar?? Don't think I've ever listened to it, tho?? Love the beat, great vibe and just really danceable.

the fruits by Paris Paloma: RELIGIOUS IMAGERY!!!! THE ORIGINAL SIN!!!! THE WASHING FEET REFERENCE!!! THEY EAT HER BODY LIKE THEY EAT JESUS'S!!! AAAAAA THIS ONE IS SO AWESOME!!!

Little Dark Age by MGMT: I already knew this one, I love it. It is so akjdlakfkskd.

Burn Your Village by Kiki Rockwell: IT IS SO GOOD!!?!? Same vibes as some of The Buttress songs. I'm. In. Love.

Abbey by Mitski: Best song of the century.

Dirty Paws by Of Monsters and Men: QKSJJQEJQJDKQKKE THE LYRICS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Home by Dotan: I love the drums. THE BUILD UP!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA It sounds so good. The chorus is so jandladjkaakska.

Dante's Inferno by Whirlybird: Is this my favorite because it uses my name? Maybe... Is it still a good song? Absolutely. Also “the boy who's married to the fire” kakdjajdjakd.

Sunlight by Hozier: “I had been lost to you, sunlight/And flew like a moth to you, sunlight/Oh, your love is sunlight” “A soul that's born in cold and rain/Knows sunlight” AAAAAAAAAAAAA LOVE IS SUNLIGHT!!! LOVE IS SUNLIGHT!! I swear I'm normal about this, not weird at all, a normal human being normal :)

Fourth of July by Valleyheart: A cover of one of my favorite Sufjan Stevens songs!!! It sounds amazing, definitely not as sad as the original (I don't think anything can be as sad as that song) but it's still really REALLY painful. Love the drums.

Apricots by Findlay: Her voice and the instrumental are so lakdkajskaksma. It has a spooky vibe in it, kinda like something that a character in The Nightmare Before Christmas would sing.

Gasoline by Halsey: *2017 flashbacks* Such a cool fucking song. God, I haven't heard this in so long.

Indian Moon by State Radio and Chadwick Stokes: He has such a pretty voice, it's so calm and the lyrics so sweet.

Millie, Warm the Kittle - Dorm Demo by Rabbitology: I love the artist name, so silly :) Oh, the song is so- wow, the instrumental is great, dude. The layers here are sooooo.

Something About You by Eyedress and Dent May: she looks just like a dreamm, the prettiest girl I've ever seeeeen, from the cover of a magazineeeee. A cute song.

Violet by Wild Party: It sounds like a series intro (that's a good thing). The lyrics are so nice, flowers :)

Fall by half•alive: I feel like I'm sounding repetitive at this point but I love the lyrics!!! The instrumental is great!!!!! I just love all to songs in this playlist <3333

Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears: 80s song!!! I love this one. Y'know when you're nostalgic about stuff you never experienced? That's me with the 80s and 90s, this song externalizes that feeling for me.

Foxcry - Dorm Demo by Rabbitology: I'm loving the way this woman produces her song, they are so aksknadnjandna. THE LYRICS!!!!!!! My GOD.

Devil Town by Cavetown: My sister LOVES this song, it's so awesome. The lyrics <3

Saint Bernard by Lincoln: This gives midwest emo but there's no instrumentals and it isn't loud so it feels so odd. Ok, this one hits close to home. Well, at least I didn't went to a catholic school. Saint Bernard as both the dog and the saint it's quite funny.

Ticking by TIN: This remained me of the animation memes, lmao. WAIT- THERE'S WHERE I REMEMBER THE STILL FEEL SONG FROM- ANIMATION MEMES.

Dear Arkansas Daugther by Lady Lamb: The lyrics are my favorite ever <3

Hungry by Dotan: Got distracted, didn't pay attention to the lyrics but it was so calm and nice :)

Cryptid (Mothman) by Ratwyfe: Hehe, rat name :) I kinda relate, I don't hate my body I just don't wanna be human. Idk why, maybe is my alter-human fascination maybe it's my reality disconnection, who knows.

Tongues and Teeth by The Crane Wives: I love the lyrics! They remind me of Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart by Mitski but I think it's because everything is a Mitski reference to me.

Washing Machine Heart by Mitski: Speaking of Mitski. I love this one, it has such cool metaphors and the music video is so AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Love her :)

CANDLEBURN - Dorm Demo by Rabbitology: I already know I'm about to listen to the craziest song ever. I'm serious, this woman's production is INSANE. Yep, I was right. “They'll put an apple in your hand, but don't you dare bite it/A match and wick but don't you dare light it” OQJIQJDKWNFKN

Second Child, Restless Child by The Oh Hellos: THE PARABLE OF THE PRODIGAL SON AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Don't you just love it when religious bands make songs about religion? So crazy.

Cocaine Jesus by Rainbow Kitten Surprise: I love their voices and how they match so well with each other. This song weirdly reminds me of The Front Bottoms. The religion-love-faith thing happening here is soooooo, he stopped believing in God=he stopped believing in their love and stopped having faith in things getting better between each other.

Inkpot Gods by The Amazing Devil: This one is so personal to me. It's a beautiful song but I'm kinda sad now.

Willow Tree March by The Paper Kites: Such a pretty and calm song.

yeti by Paris Paloma and Old Sea Brigade: I left this one to the end because it's the last one you added :) Ok, so this is a sad song. The lyrics are so beautiful but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

#this was so fun :)#thanks for the amazing music c #i'll listen to this playlist till the end of times #love ya <3 #c tag

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anotherghoul666 · 2 years ago

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Fuck yeah!! I'm so glad you got something out of the read and the recs!!! Excellent! 🤘🤘🤘

AIN'T APAGE SATANA FUCKING GREAT?!?!?!?! Dude. Ok. Lemme recount the tale of how I fell in love with Rotting Christ. Cause it’s a Story. So, 2016. I’m neck deep in black metal, it’s my Thing, and I hear Marduk, one of the biggest names in European trve black metal, is coming on tour in my neck of the woods. The bill is Marduk, Rotting Christ, Carach Angren and Necronomicon. Fucking fire bill wall to wall. The closest date is several hours of travel away and my typical show travel buddies weren’t into black metal much but I said fuck it, Imma travel alone and meet friends in that city. I get a bus, get a hotel, get another bus the following morning, it’s Marduk, it’s gonna be worth it. While on the but, maybe 3-4 hours before the show, tops, we get informed that Marduk couldn’t cross the border, they don’t have the right visas, they can’t come into Canada. Everyone’s freaking out cause would the show be canceled? The other bands were in Canada just fine, so on the fly, they decided to still give the show, and each play longer in order to fill the evening up to the right hours and not leave the fans wanting. Rotting Christ took the headliner spot in stride and played for almost two fucking hours. Even if that wasn’t the material they’d rehearsed, they said fuck it, we’re pushing the setlist. Ain’t that the proof of a band that’s been at it 30 years at that point. They’re damn experts, they just had to start the machine and deliver. Anyway. So I get to the show, meet up with my buddies, everyone’s pissed off at Marduk, the vibe is weird. We still get in, we get front row because that was the phase of my life where our friend group’s motto was “front row or die” XD we did every show at the barricade and set up in front of venues for hours before the show to make it happen. What a rad time. And yeah, the show happens, Necronomicon are a local band so they explained they were gonna play longer and what the night was gonna be. Shows go well, and we get to Rotting Christ. Now, at this point I know the name right, but I’ve never taken the time to listen to them. So I have no clue what the fuck is about to happen. DUDE. That was one of the most insane, tightest, coolest, transcendental music experiences I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen several hundreds shows. It’s been 7 years and I still think about this show. And THE moment of the show for me was Apage Satana. I did not understand what the fuck was happening to me but I knew my soul was leaving my body. It was George Emmanuel on guitars back then, and the guy would bend down and get in my face, like, inches away from my face, and scream the lyrics to the song with all his body shaking, veins in his neck showing, living his music, channeling Satan through his mouth and feeding him to me with his screams. Guy was drenched in sweat, dripping over me screaming at me to wake up and engage, I was frozen in awe and the power of it all. It was INSANE. That’s a show moment I’ll never ever forget, it’s branded into my brain. From that point on, that song’s been my favorite Rotting Christ track, and I've been a fan since. This one dude yelling in my face to a trance ritualistic song singlehandedly made me a fan for life.

Anecdote aside XD You let me know how you feel about the Carach albums and Rotting Christ’s compilation once you have some time off to spend with them :D I can’t wait to hear what you thought and if Where the Corpses Sink Forever is gonna get you like it got me!

Melody is not actually what separates black metal from death metal. You can have melodic black metal and melodic death metal, we call it melodeath and it's a huge scene. Just as you can have black metal and death metal that’s all about the aggression and no melody to be seen. That’s not what sets the genres apart. I could do you a “black metal VS death metal differences” primer if you’d like? :D I am so hype to teach about this stuff dude!! So hype!

Haha it was so cool Uada clicked as you wrote! :D I’m happy to hear all four bands on he bill clicked for you. It’s a great set to start into the world of black metal. You let me know if you ever want more recommendations for other favorites, I have a ton I’d love to share ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Under Our Black Cult tour primer

@battiestbelfry as promised my dear! Now, I don’t have info on Gaerea yet because I don’t know them yet, Imma deep dive in the next few days. But the other 3 bands on the bill I know well, so here we go!

Under the read more: primers and my personal opinions on the bands Uada, Carach Angren and Rotting Christ. Song and album recommendations to start off. And the mask kink thing, with pics. 3/4 of the bands on this bill are or can be confidered masked bands, you know I gotta touch on the mask kink in there!

UADA

Uada, which means “haunted”, are a melodic black metal band from the United States. They are based in Portland, Oregon and have been active since 2014. They are currently signed to Eisenwald records, an independent music label from Germany. In this house we love and support independent labels! They are specialized in black metal and have a very fun roster.

Uada have 3 releases out so far, all full length albums. They don’t do singles, they don’t do demos, they don’t do splits, they don’t do EPs. They make full albums and drop them on a roughly 2 years cycle, though with the pandemic we are at 3 years since the last record, so these mysterious hooded figures are ripe for new material! Their debut album Devoid of Light in 2016 was well received by the metal world as a promising debut, albeit very classic black metal that didn’t surprise much. 2018’s Cult of a Dying Sun seems to be their album with the most acclaim. The sound quality difference between these two is astounding. The tracks tend to be longer, which helps some songs and doesn’t help others. 2020’s Djinn is their latest release and the reception’s been this: Djinn is way more niche, as in, you have to be down for 14 minutes atmospheric black metal songs to like it, but if that’s your vibe? It’s fucking good. Quality up, marketability down. They still don’t do anything super different, but it’s good black metal. It feels like European black metal despite being American, which is what I love, because I’m intensely biased towards the EU scene. US bands have to be either 1)extremely fucking special or 2) European-sounding to get in my good graces XD

The guys are “masked”, in the sense that they play with hoods over their faces with the aim of not being seen, for atmospheric purposes:

They also do “the hand thing” when taking pictures.

But they’re ok being approached in public by fans, as long as you don't pressure them to take a pic with their faces showing. They are not anonymous, their names are out there if you wanna know.

As far as recs go, I would rec all of the albums honestly cause it’s less than 3 hours of music and there’s nothing truly bad in there. My favorite album personally is Djinn but that’s because I fucking love atmospheric albums that make me lose track of time. I’m aware that’s not everyone’s cup of tea xD So, to my previous recs of Devoid of Light, Black Autumn White Spring and Cult of a Dying Sun, I’d add all of Djinn, but specifically the title track and In The Absence of Matter as a first contact.

CARACH ANGREN

Carach Angren are a symphonic black metal band from the Limburg province of the Netherlands. They’ve been active since 2003 and they’re currently signed to French label Seasons of Mist, one of the few major metal labels I feel positively about! The Seasons of Mist roster is INSANE. They specialize in the darker genres of metal, black, death, gothic, doom and some prog. Many of my favorite bands have been on them through the years.

So. Listen. Carach are one of my absolute darlings in the black metal world. When I began my exploration into black metal in the early 2010s, their first three records have been instrumental in making this genre my favorite. I would not be where I am today without them. I will forever have a very special in my heart for these guys. I hung out with them several times, I’m attached, ok? But. And there’s a huge But. Dear fucking god did these guys fall off. I’m still reeling from how perfect their music used to be, and how fucking atrocious the output has been since 2015. In my opinion. These primers are only my personal opinions and ramblings ok XD They’re doing fine, their latest albums did get decent reviews which I? Don’t understand? But you do you, boo? XD They’re one of the big names in black metal right now, they’re headlining tours, they’re doing good on the new material ok. But I can’t fucking stand it hahaha.

The main problem for me was the vibe shift. Carach Angren’s themes are horror stories. They recount fantastic tales of horror, fright and gore, psychological horror, body horror, historical horror, the like. The storytelling in their first three albums is stunning. There was always a sense of realism there, of horror being grounded in reality. It’s classy, it’s tasteful, it’s striking and horrifying but it’s never cheap and nothing is played for shock. 2008’s Lammendam is about “true stories” in a 1700s an 1800s backdrop, a historical version of our “I heard from a friend of a friend that…”, tales from the crypt and all that. Ghost stories that we’ve heard before, la Dame Blanche for example, but set to music. 2010’s Death Came Through a Phantom Ship is about nautical horror. Historical stories of phantom ships, captain-less ships, mutinies and their disastrous bloody consequences. It’s so grounded. Their masterpiece, 2012’s Where the Corpses Sink Forever, is about the horrors of war. We follow soldiers in trenches, feel their desperation, their fear of death yet longing for it. The heart-wrenching beauty to be found on battlefields because they are so human, yet the absolute bone-chilling reality of it. It’s so fucking real. This album, no joke, is one of the best albums I have ever heard in my life. It’s a 10/10 record for me, and I do not give out 10/10 easily. I’m rather critical. I have less than 20 albums that I’ve ever rated as perfect in my life, and this album is unanimously recognized as the pillar of this band, and one of the pillars of symphonic black metal altogether. This is one of the albums that made black metal click for me. It changed everything.

And then, there was a tonal shift. I suspect, coming off from such a resounding success, the band didn’t know how the fuck they could live up to it, and they crumbled under the pressure. 2015’s This is no Fairytale is, as the title suggests, bases in the Grimm fairytales. It’s a weird modern retelling of Hansel and Gretel and like. Yeah. It started to get cheap. The language used in the lyrics shifted. There’s a ton of unnecessary cursing all over this album, graphic depictions of SA, p*dophilia, incest, drugs abuse and overdose, and like, yes, Hansel and Gretel is a tale about child abuse, of course, but there’s a way to approach those topics you know? With feeling, with emotion, with realness, and here it just feels cheap. Ghastly “twists” are constantly played out for shock value, it’s surface, it’s plastic-y. The stage show changed from refined hustorical costumes and atmospheres to, like, female-bodied mannequins being dragged around and getting their throats cut on stage with copious amounts of fake blood, and for what? It’s just, tasteless now. The band lost its delicacy. That’s where it started to feel cheap, and it only went downhill from there. 2017’s Dance and Laugh Amongst the Rotten is a joke. Legit, this album sounds like a joke. The songs are boring, uninspired, structure-less. The lyrics are so cheap. It’s like we went from a museum quality horror painting that moves and inspires, to a cheap clown trying to be scary at a kid’s birthday party. 2020’s Franckensteina Strataemontanus was very “meh” to me. Less offensive than the previous two, and the story is inspired by classic horror literature like Mary Shelley and the strange scientists that inspired her Frankenstein. There’s potential, but the magic is dead for me. Bad taste in my mouth. I can’t do it anymore, but maybe a fresh pair of ear that doesn’t have the baggage I have with this band will like it? You let me know.

In this context, you’ll understand why my recommendations will only be from the first three albums. If you want to go for it, just listen to all three. There are no duds in any of them. But for specific songs, from Lammendam: Haunting Echoes from the Seventeenth Century, The Carriage Wheel Murder, Heretic Poltergeist Phenomena and my absolute favorite La Malédiction de la Dame Blanche. From Phantom Ship: The Sighting Is a Portent of Doom and Bloodstains on the Captain's Log. From Corpses? Listen to the whole thing man. For real. It’s a concept album, so grab the whole thing, sit down, close the lights, get the lyrics out, and follow along. Prepare to be sobbing by the end. I could recommend every single song, but they hit so much more powerfully within the context of the story.

In terms of aesthetic, there guys are “masked” in the way that they have a very unique look of corpse paint (the face paint typical to black metal).

They coined this look, not corpse paint as a whole, but their style of it. It’s been copied a million times since (like by Cradle of Filth notably, though they'll argue to the ends of the world it wasn't copied. It looks the exact same, it's a bit ridiculous), but it was Carach who did it like this first. The band members have character names, though they are not anonymous. Their real names are out there, but on stage, they’re not themselves, they are Seregor and Ardek (Namtar used to be their drummer. He quit in 2020. I have no clue how the band will record anything else in the future without him because he was the CORE of the band for me. Absolute drummer crush. I digress.) Seregor is a hobbyist mask maker and he makes masks for his different characters from his stories, like these:

Imo they still hit on the mask kink somewhat. The guys on and off stage feel like they are radically different people, and to have met them masked at the end of a show and unmasked at more proper events, there’s a world of difference in the vibe. I love it.

Oh also they have spawn a good few big metal memes like this one XD :

Which they found funny enough they turned it into a shirt XD :

(and yes of course I have one hahaha)

ROTTING CHRIST

Rotting Christ are a seminal band in black metal’s history. They have been at it for 36 years under the Rotting Christ banner, 39 years if we count the first iteration of the band under a different name. Dare I say it? I’ll say it. They’re the black metal daddies. I’m so sorry, I said it, it’s out there now XD They are daddy and I don’t make the rules. Anyway! They’ve been active since 1987, as I said, and they are signed to, yep, Seasons of Mist. I wasn’t kidding when I said this label’s roster is nuts. They are from Athens, Greece and they’re more towards the melodic / gothic side of black metal. They influen ced black meal heavily because this early in the 80s (black metal as a genre really kicked off in the 90s), there were no other bands who did what they did, and especially not in Greek. Rotting Christ have a lot of songs in Greek, in Latin, later in their career they made songs based on Hindu mysticism, their lack of fear when it comes to singing in everything but English at the time was genre defining. They made many songs in English since, but man the ones in Greek just hit different you know? They changed the game before the black metal game was even a thing.

Currently there are only two original members left in the band, brothers Sakis and Themis Tolis, vocals/guitar and drums respectively. Everyone else right now are tour musicians or session studio musicians. As their band name suggests, their themes are of anti-christianity, satanism, occultism of many different cultures, mysticism, it’s all good shit. One more band we traumatized christian kids can heal our religious trauma through, weeeee!! They have 13 full length records out, their latest one being The Heretics from 2019 (we are starving from new material, please feed us) though they haven’t paused during the pandemic, re-recording older material and releasing compilations instead. There was a new single in 2022 called Holy Mountain, and I hope and pray that means new album soon. Sakis Tolis also released a solo project in 2022, Amongst the Fires of Hell, which was fucking DELICIOUS my dude. More laid back, but so fucking crunchy. Highly recommend if you feel their sound.

In terms of recommendations, you’re in luck because they released a massive best of for their 30th anniversary called Their Greatest Spells: 30 Years of Rotting Christ. That’s the must-listen. If you want into this band, start here. You’ll get a taste of the sound of every single full lenght that came befoee. It’s 2 albums, 33 songs: find your favorites, check which album they're from, and go from there! Non Serviam, Grandis Spiritus Diavolos, In Yumen-Xibalba, Kata Ton Daimona Eaytoy, everything’s on here, besides my personal favorite song of theirs, Apage Satanas. It’s a weird chanty, trance-y song but it’s the one that made me fall in love with the band. It scratches at something deep inside my brain idk.

Rotting Christ are not masked, nor is there an aesthetic to latch onto, really. They’re just cool dude doing cool things and doing their part spreading the message. They’re honest and raw. No frills. What you see is what you get. They’re the OG.

And that's the bill! Lemme know if you listen to anything and if the bands catch your interest :D

#asks

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searidings · 3 years ago

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hi, i just love you and your writing

can i suggest something - you are in love (taylor swift) and supercorp

i cannot listen to that song without going yeah, that's them

(also on ao3 if you prefer)

Five years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, five years from now, Lena will think back to this moment.

This moment, which is as close as Lena's come to happiness since she'd woken up ziptied to a chair in her brother's office. This moment which, despite the fuzzy feeling of her unbrushed teeth and the pungent aroma of burnt toast filling the air, is perfect.

Kara, bed-warm and sleep-heavy, is gazing beseechingly down at the charred remains of a slice of a bread as though if she only pouts hard enough, its edges will un-blacken and its corners will stop smoking.

“I'm so sorry,” she says as Lena rounds the screen separating Kara's bedroom from the rest of the apartment and perches herself on a barstool, tugging her borrowed sleep shorts a little lower down her thighs.

Kara's tone is mournful, her face so forlorn she looks to be one deep breath away from tears. “I wanted breakfast to be perfect, since it's your first time staying over and if it's terrible you might not want to stay again and I, I really want you to stay again, but I don't know why you would since you probably have a private chef waiting for you at home and I can’t even manage toast—”

“Kara,” Lena interrupts, biting at the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing as Kara's bottom lip trembles. “It's fine, really. I once set fire to my dorm kitchen trying to boil an egg. And besides,” she winks as blue eyes meet hers. “I like to give my personal chef the weekends off.”

Kara huffs out a relieved chuckle, her face brightening. “Oh, well, in that case,” she grins, a sparkle returning to her eyes. “I'd better feed you up before you go home. Never let it be said that I don't look after you.”

Lena can't help the smile that pulls at her as the warm bright feeling in her chest grows and grows. She tugs the sleeves of Kara's sweatshirt over her hands, fighting the urge to fidget as the blonde orders a frankly obscene amount of food from the brunch place on the corner.

She feels exposed like this, face bare and hair sleep-mussed, unshowered with unbrushed teeth, huddled inside borrowed clothes after the impromptu invitation to stay over when last night's movie marathon ran late. It's a far cry from the regimented composure she fights so hard every day to project, and something in her chest twists anxiously.

Kara is a reporter, after all, and National City really doesn't need any more reasons to hate Lena right now. The darkest corner of her mind – the one which has been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for everything to come crashing down ever since the whirlwind of Kara's too-good-to-be-true friendship had come blazing into her life – still worries that this may all be an elaborate ruse. A trap, a way to get close to her in order to assess her weaknesses, to bring her down with an inside scoop.

But in their six months of friendship, Kara's never given her any reason to believe she has any kind of ulterior motive. And despite the suspicions and anxieties hammered into her by a lifetime of hurt, Lena knows now that even if this is a trap, she'll take the bait willingly. Especially if it means Kara will keep looking at her like there might just be something in Lena that's worth her time.

"Hey,” the blonde says gently, leaning back against the counter opposite and pinning Lena with a searching look. “You okay? You kind of zoned out on me there.”

Lena jumps, blinking back into herself with a start. “Yes, sorry. I was miles away.”

The blonde only smiles, flicking on the coffee machine at her elbow. “You sleep okay?”

“Very well, thank you,” Lena answers, fighting to lessen the formality of her tone, to soften the edges her harsh childhood had sharpened into a fortress to keep the world at bay. “Your bed is surprisingly comfortable. I had a great night's sleep.”

"Perhaps the company had something to do with it,” Kara winks as she turns to pull two mugs down from the hooks at her shoulder. Lena thinks back to the smell of Kara's sheets and the soft pulls of her breathing, to the warmth of Kara's ankle against her calf and the strong fingers that had wrapped themselves in the sleeve of Lena's sweatshirt in sleep, anchoring them together. She blushes.

Kara only smirks, pouring their drinks and grabbing the milk from the fridge. “Well, the food's all ordered, it should be here soon,” she says over her shoulder, the waterfall of her golden ponytail mesmerising in the bright rays of morning light filtering in through the vaulted windows. “And you don't need to head off in a hurry, unless you have plans—?”

She glances back at Lena, who shakes her head. “Great!” she grins. “’Cause I was thinking, maybe we could check out the botanical gardens, since it's such a nice day? Oh, and there's a new bakery right across the street that I've been dying to try—”

Lena listens to the blonde's excited rambling with an endeared smile plastered to her face, feeling happy and warm and wanted with every fibre of her being. The feeling is new but so welcome she could cry, and Lena wonders – not for the first time – how she ever got so lucky.

Kara's presence in her life is like sugar in her coffee; meant only to sweeten that which has always been bitter.

Lena's always taken her coffee black. Softening the blow was never much her style.

But here, now, perched at Kara's breakfast bar with her hands wrapped around a steaming mug the blonde has brewed to perfection, sunlight streaming in and highlighting the angles and planes of Kara's face, the way she’s smiling at Lena like there's nowhere else in the world she'd rather be, she realises her reasoning is twofold.

Sugar isn't just appetising. It's addictive. And now that Lena's had a taste of sweetness, she's hooked.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

Four years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, four years from now, Lena will also think back to this moment.

This moment, which may well be one of the lowest of Lena's life. And she's had some doozies.

The two bottles of wine she'd managed to mainline between Sam leaving to orchestrate damage control at L-Corp and Kara arriving and attempting to confiscate her glass have well and truly caught up to her now. She sways heavily on her stool, the room spinning. Tears sting her vision and guilt scorches her throat as she presses a hand over her eyes so she won't have to look at Kara's face anymore.

“Please, just— just, stop believing in me, okay?” she slurs, heart full to shattering with the faces of lead-poisoned children. “I am not worth it.”

She hears Kara sigh, and the room falls silent for a long long time. Lena drops her head fully into her hands, fighting the nausea that's taken root in the pit of her stomach. It could be the booze that's causing it, of course, but it could also be the incessant headlines baying for her blood, the bullet James had taken for her that she'd fully deserved, the curse of her family finally fulfilling itself.

The guilt, the worry, the crushing disappointment of the knowledge that despite her very best efforts, she'll never be anything but a monster— it's too much to feel. It's too much to bear.

So, Lena drinks.

She drains her glass. She pours another. Kara watches, silent and disapproving, fingers twitching against the granite countertop between them.

Lena finishes her glass. Splashes the last dregs of the bottle into it, blood on ice. Still Kara watches, motionless and mute. It's only when Lena's swallowed the last of the red and is lurching unsteadily to her feet to source another that she moves, a hand reaching out to encircle her wrist.

Shame ignites beneath her skin and she pushes Kara away. Snaps at her to go home, to learn to recognise a lost cause when she sees one and just give up already. Kara refuses with a stoic shake of her head, and Lena sighs.

They repeat the same routine three times en route to Sam's wine rack, the blonde shadowing her every step. Each time, Lena wobbles, head fuzzy and room spinning. Each time, Kara steadies her, and Lena flinches from her touch like her palm is a brand, snarls at her to leave, to cut her losses, to just fuck off. Each time, Kara refuses.

She eventually retrieves the wine after a number of unsuccessful attempts but overbalances on her toes, bottle slipping from her grip as she sways dangerously. And then Kara is there, glass bottle caught a split second before it can shatter, a firm arm at her waist that will not be rebuffed.

Lena struggles, shoving and protesting, but this time Kara does not give in. “Enough,” she says quietly, firmly, blue eyes burning a mere inch from Lena's own. “Lena, enough.”

Lena's unsteady legs buckle further and Kara’s basically holding her up now, walking her slowly over to the couch and she shouldn't be this strong, surely, shouldn't be lifting Lena onto the cushions quite this easily. But it's such a minor concern when weighted against the fact that Lena is personally responsible for the hospitalisation of children that her mind brushes over it, forgets it immediately.

"Please go home,” she slurs as the blonde arranges her on the couch, as she stashes the unopened wine far out of reach and sets about finding blankets and pillows in various cupboards. “Please, just— leave me alone.”

“No,” Kara says, almost snaps, glancing back over her shoulder. Partially hidden in the linen cupboard, her face is cast deep in shadow, a splinter of half-concealed truth. “I made you a promise, I gave you my word. I'm your friend, and I will protect you. Always.”

She crosses back to the couch, soft blankets and pillows held out in invitation. When Lena refuses the offering Kara sighs, draping a knitted throw over her anyway and perching on the cushions beside Lena's hip. “I'm not going to leave you, so you might as well stop asking,” she hums, softer now, a hand reaching toward her that Lena no longer possesses the strength or coordination to bat away.

Long fingers make contact with her cheek, with the mussed curls tangling in her eyelashes, and Kara sighs. “You are not your brother,” she murmurs, fingertips grazing Lena's cheekbone, sliding back to thread into the fine hair at her temple. “And you never will be. There's too much light in you to allow for that kind of darkness, so put that fear down, Lena. Let it go. Be free of it.”

Tears spring unbidden to her eyes. “I poisoned children.”

Kara tilts forward and Lena wonders if it's just that her vision has upped its spinning, but then warm lips are pressing against her forehead, soft and delicate as gossamer wings. Kara's mouth moves against her skin, breath damp and sweet and unmistakeably her. “You saved the world.”

Neither one of them moves. When Lena speaks again, the words hit the elegant hollow of Kara's throat. “I don't deserve your kindness. I don't deserve you.”

Kara's lips are still on her forehead. “I don't care.”

Lena feels as if her throat is splitting open, every last fear and hatred and worry and insecurity gushing out of her in an unstoppable stream. “I'm scared.”

“I know.” Kara's lips press once more, and then withdraw. They watch each other in the dim light from the kitchen. Lena's vision is beginning to blur at the edges. Kara's hand is still in her hair.

“You will get through this,” the blonde whispers, so earnest Lena almost manages to believe her. “We'll figure it out. Together.”

Heart in her mouth, tongue sticking behind her teeth, Lena's eyes slide closed.

The sweetness of Kara's words, her gentle touches, seep inside her like honey. She doesn't deserve it but God, she wants it. She wants to be worthy of Kara's faith in her more than she's ever wanted anything in her life. She wants Kara more than she's ever wanted anything in her life.

And it's telling, she knows, that she's just lost the trust of all of National City, that she has no way of easing those children's suffering and no way to prove that she isn't the cause of it, that she's finally living up to the Luthor name she's been running from ever since she'd learned what it truly meant and yet in this moment, with Kara's hand in her hair and the ghostly imprint of her lips on Lena's skin, none of it seems to matter.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

Three years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, three years from now, Lena will also think back to this moment.

This moment, which stands alone as an oasis of calm in the turbulent tumult of the past days, weeks, months of chaos. Lex's escape from custody, Eve Teschmacher's betrayal, James’ shooting, the Harun-El serum, the whole shitty totality of it all has been weighing Lena down like an nth metal chain around her neck.

And Kara, Kara hasn't been around. The one person who has always managed to ease Lena's suffering has deserted her when she needs her the most and it feels like she's been sliced open, cracked in two.

She tells her as much, when Kara at last comes to see her. Tells her she's missed her, tells her she needs her, all but begs her to stay. And what does Kara do? She leaves.

And when she leaves, Lena is gripped by a panic so intense she fears she may never breathe freely again. So terrified is she that Kara is gone for good, that she's forced away the best thing that's ever happened to her, that almost before she knows what's happening she finds herself at Catco with apologies dripping from her own tongue.

Anything to get Kara back. Anything to keep her.

Lena apologises. Kara apologises. Lena cries, and Kara holds her, and tells her that the decision to help her brother when he was dying of cancer doesn't make her the monster she now believes herself to be. And standing on her office balcony with Kara's fingers wrapped around her biceps, with her own tears spotting dark on Kara's blazer, Lena manages to believe her.

When she's collected herself, smoothed away the wetness coursing down her cheeks, she speaks. “I really want to help you with your investigation on Lex.”

Kara's face lights up; Lena's whole world along with it.

“I'd love that,” Kara says, voice quiet and still a little tentative in the wake of their new truce. “But first— would you, um. Would you like to have lunch with me?”

Lena blinks. “Don't you want to get started on the exposé?”

“I do. But—” Kara's face is still painted that earnest shade from earlier, when she'd smoothed her hands over Lena's shoulders and whispered you are a brilliant, kind-hearted, beautiful soul against the sensitive skin of her neck. Lena feels her cheeks heat up at the memory, at the intensity in the blue eyes still roving her face.

Kara shuffles her feet but her gaze is clear, unwavering. “But you were right. I've spent too much time recently prioritising the wrong things. So, I want to work on this exposé with you, and I want to bring your brother down. But first, I'd really just like to have lunch with my best friend.”

Lena's heart trips in her chest. “I'd like that too.”

So, that's what they do. Kara asks her to wait, which she does, idly tapping out a few emails on her phone. And then the blonde is back, far quicker than should have been possible, with her arms full of takeout bags from the café on the third floor and she's taking Lena by the hand and leading her to Cat Grant's private elevator. She presses the button for the roof and Lena's gaze jumps to her face but Kara only smiles, and squeezes her fingers. “Trust me, it'll be worth it,” she hums, her excitement infectious. “You'll be safe with me.”

And Lena believes her.

That's how she ends up sitting at the edge of Catco's roof on a clean sheet Kara had borrowed from the builders on the second floor, heels kicked off, Kara's red blazer draped around her shoulders. It is worth it, she'll admit; the view from this high is phenomenal. The sun burns bright in a cloudless sky, glinting off the glass-sided skyscrapers of the business district, the glittering waters of the bay beyond.

Kara had picked up Lena's favourite salad, some flatbreads and dips, and they drink kombucha and eat strawberries in the sunshine. They talk and they laugh and they catch up and there's no more fighting, no animosity, no megalomaniac brothers or backstabbing secretaries or worlds needing to be saved. There's only them, she and Kara, and it feels like all she will ever need.

The blonde's hands are braced behind her on the rooftop and she looks happy and carefree as she regales Lena with stories of her upstairs neighbour's antics, and Lena feels the tight knot of tension that had taken up residence in her chest begin to unfurl.

"Hey,” Kara hums, pushing up straighter as Lena licks strawberry juice from her fingertips. The motion brings them closer, their shoulders brushing. “Look up.”

Lena does. High above them, a huge murmuration of starlings whirls and swoops through the air. Thousands of birds move together as one, a vast wave cresting but never breaking against the blue canvass of sky.

“Wow,” Lena gasps, awed.

Against her side, Kara hums. “Yeah.”

They watch the birds for a long moment, captivated by the ceaseless swirling and diving. When Lena at last tears her gaze away from the sky, Kara's eyes rest intently on her face. "Here,” the blonde murmurs, reaching out. The pad of one finger makes feather-light contact with her cheek. Lena's breath catches in her chest.

Kara holds out her finger, proffering the stray eyelash she'd captured with a smile. "Make a wish,” she whispers, her fingertip an inch from Lena's mouth. Her eyes never leave Lena’s.

Lena looks from Kara's face to the eyelash, and back again. From somewhere deep inside her heart, the truth bubbles its way to the surface. “I don't need to.”

Kara smiles, a brilliant, beautiful smile, and Lena knows. The stresses and anxieties of their current crisis feel far away here, harmless as birdsong. She's meted out forgiveness, received it in return. For the first time in her adult life Lena has communicated an issue with a loved one and been heard, understood. She has admitted her own mistake without having it spell out the end of her relationship.

Lena smiles back. The weight of the world sublimates into nothing beneath the bliss of a simple picnic in the sun.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

Two years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, two years from now, Lena will think back to this moment.

This moment, which has sapped the both of them to the bone. Another fight, another screaming match, another quick-fire back and forth of accusations and recriminations. Another night of cursing and crying and choking on all the things they never said before this, on all the things they can't now that Kara's secret has detonated in the shrinking space between them like a nuclear bomb.

Another round of bloodshed, and for what?

Lena sags against the arm of the couch, exhausted. Her face is hot, scratchy with salt from the tears still drying on her skin. She's dehydrated, probably, and half hoarse from shouting, tongue blistered with the bitter sting of betrayal.

Across the no man's land of her living room, Kara slumps against the floor-length windows, drops her temple to the cool glass. She's breathing heavily, cheeks wet, posture battered and eyes dark-bruised beneath the force of Lena's wrath. As Lena watches, her eyes slide closed.

It's been three months since Lena found out. Three weeks since Kara found out that Lena had found out.

Every night since, they've done this. Every night, Kara has shown up on her balcony and begged, pleaded, apologised, cajoled, defended, rebuffed, and sobbed. Every night, Lena has unleashed the hollow agony of Kara's deception masquerading as anger in her chest, incinerating the both of them in the fires of her desolation.

She would have expected the wounds to have cauterised by now. To feel some kind of release, the relief of catharsis. Or at least, to have expended some of her fury after all this time.

She hasn't.

They've been at this for three hours already this evening, and gotten nowhere. Kara's skin is pale above that fucking supersuit, face drawn and complexion sallow.

Lena knows how she feels. The singular exhaustion that is her rift with Kara has sapped her in every way imaginable. She can't sleep. She barely eats. She's no longer interested in work, research, friends. There's nothing in her life that isn't tainted by the shadow of the lies her best friend told and kept telling, every day for four years. Lena doesn't know how any amount of screaming and crying is ever going to get them past that.

Across the room, Kara sighs. It might be the saddest sound Lena has ever heard.

“Should we keep doing this?” she asks after an interminable silence, voice rough with tears still building. Her eyes are still closed.

Lena manages, with exorbitant effort, to raise her drooping head. “What?”

“Is there a point to all this?” Kara asks quietly, hunched body sliding a little further down the glass. "The explanations, the fighting?”

Blue eyes blink open. The weight of the sadness in them is unbearable. Lena struggles to find it within herself to care.

“Lying to you about who I am is the single biggest mistake I have ever made, and if it will make even one single shred of difference I will apologise to you every day for as long as I live,” Kara says into the aching chasm between them. “But I can't keep doing this. Not if it won't change anything. I can't— I don't want to keep hurting you.”

An hour ago, Lena would have scoffed at a sentiment like that. Would have parried back with some piercingly dry comment about how the blonde should have thought about that before she decided to betray Lena's trust as soundly as she possibly could.

Now, though— now, she's just too tired.

“So, should we keep doing this?” Kara whispers, throat working. “Or— God, Lena. Should we just— should we give up?”

Green eyes meet blue, two shattered hearts haemorrhaging between them. “Is that what you want?”

“No.” Kara's voice is loud, fiercely determined in the face of Lena's hesitant whisper. “God, no. Never. I don't ever want to give up on you, Lena. I don't ever want to give you up.”

Kara straightens then, with a strength Lena cannot imagine mustering herself. Perks of being a superhero, she supposes. Perks of being Kryptonian. The thought stakes another shard of ice through her bleeding heart.

“But I know that I've spent four years calling the shots for both of us by keeping you in the dark,” Kara continues. “I've taken away your agency. I've taken away your choice. I won't do that again.”

She sucks in a deep breath, a little of Supergirl's regality seeping back into the defeated slump of her shoulders. “So, I'm doing what I should have done from the start. I'm being honest with you, and hoping that you'll be honest back. I'm asking what you want.”

Kara's fingers twist anxiously before her, bottom lip bleaching white beneath the nervous pressure of her teeth. “Do you think we should keep doing this? Or do you— fuck.” Her voice cracks, the tears brimming in her eyes once again breaking free. “Do you want to give up?”

Jesus Christ. Lena never knew that the prospect of doing the right thing could hurt so much.

“Fuck,” she mutters as she kneads her knuckles over her closed eyelids, digging in until white lights starburst across her vision. “Fuck, Kara.”

“I know,” the blonde whispers from across the room, brittle and broken. “I know. I'm sorry.”

Lena slows her assault on her own eyelids, pinching thumb and forefinger hard at the bridge of her nose instead. “I want to give up,” she mutters, and in the taut silence between them she hears the blonde gasp, watery and thick.

Lena blinks open her eyes to find Kara's face crumpling, every facet of her seeming to fold in on itself even as she visibly fights to keep herself upright.

Lena sighs, and hates Kara, and hates herself even more. “I want to, but— I can't.” She sucks in a ragged breath, hating the truth that's just fallen from her lips, hating the lies that had necessitated it. Hating everything and everyone and most of all, hating just how much she's hurting. “I can't give this up.”

The tiniest spark of hope flares to life in Kara's eyes. Lena hates that she notices, hates that she cares, hates that the sight eases the tight knot of devastation clawing at her ribcage just the tiniest bit.

She also knows that this was inevitable. She knows that, though she hates Kara, though she's nowhere close to forgiving her, though she has no idea how they can rebuild from here or even if she truly wants to try, a question like Kara's could only ever have one answer.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

One year from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, one year from now, Lena will also think back to this moment.

This moment, which is barely even a moment at all. It's more like a dream, warm and faded and fogged in darkness, seconds stolen when sleep should have long since claimed them.

Kara's nightmare had woken them both. In the month since they'd pulled her out of the Phantom Zone, she hadn't slept alone once. Often, she stays with Alex, curling into her sister's side the way she would when they were just kids after one too many late-night horror movies. Once, she stays with Nia, tucked up snug in a borrowed pair of puppy print pyjamas.

Mostly, she stays with Lena. It's natural and unspoken and easy as breathing, the way Kara will show up at her place after a Supergirl save or Lena will let herself into the blonde's apartment after a late night in the lab. They cook dinner and watch Celebrity Masterchef and brush their teeth elbow to elbow at the bathroom sink and when Kara is inevitably tugged screaming and sobbing from her night terrors, the way she presses her face to Lena's neck and her hand over Lena's heart is natural and unspoken and easy as breathing, too.

Kara's racing pulse has calmed a little, her grip on Lena's body beneath her losing some of its urgent desperation. After a long moment of Lena's hand stroking her hair, of gentle reassurances and lips pressed to her temple the blonde pulls back, just enough to rest her head on the pillow facing her.

In the dim light filtering in through the bedroom window Kara's pupils are blown, her face solemn. There's something in her heavy gaze that Lena can't identify; something weighted and potent that prickles goosebumps up the length of her spine.

"Feeling better?” she whispers into the inch of warm air between them, reaching out to tuck a sweat-matted curl reverently behind the blonde's ear.

Kara catches her retreating hand and holds tight, twining their fingers together on the narrow swathe of pillow between them. If either of them were to move so much as a millimetre, their clasped hands would press against their lips.

The blonde nods and sure enough, the soft heat of her mouth brushes the back of Lena's knuckles. She shivers.

Kara is still watching her, the intensity of her gaze causing Lena's heart to thud hard in her throat. She squeezes lightly at the fingers threaded through her own. “What?”

A pause, heavy and sweet as overripe fruit. Kara blinks once, slow. “You're my best friend.”

Lena swallows down a sudden swell of emotion. The blonde nudges closer and when she speaks, the wet seam of her lips catches on the angle of Lena's bent knuckles, painting her skin with the words.

“You're the most important person in the world to me,” Kara whispers, breaths skating fire-flashes across Lena's fingers, voice muffling out past the mouth pressed to her skin. “You know that, right?”

Lena's voice deserts her in the wake of the quiet words. She leans forward instead, presses her lips to Kara's fingertips where they rest against the back of her own hand. It's answer enough.

She hears Kara's breath catch, feels the disruption mirrored in her own chest. Both their mouths are pressed to the joined hands clasped between them. If they were to move their fingers down even just a fraction, there would be nothing separating their lips but a promise, a prayer.

Kara's eyelashes flutter in the semi-darkness. The tip of her nose brushes Lena's own. Neither one of them moves their hands.

They only gaze at one another a long moment, and Lena wonders if the blonde is memorising the planes of her face the way she's memorising Kara's. She could look at her forever, be happy here with her forever, and in this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

For the first time, she wonders if she might not be the only one.

Right now, Kara is reaching across the table at Noonan's and taking Lena's hand.

It's been three weeks since they'd taken down Lex for the last time. Three weeks since Kara had stormed into the Tower's med bay to cup Lena's bloody, bruised face in her hands; since she'd brushed her thumbs feather-light over Lena's split eyebrow and purpling jaw and growled don't you ever scare me like that again. Three weeks since she'd leaned in and pressed her lips to Lena's.

It's been two weeks and six days since Lena, confined to a gurney but utterly uncaring thanks to the warm Kryptonian curled against her side, had pressed her aching face to Kara's shoulder and first whispered that she loved her. Two weeks and six days since Kara had first said it back.

It's been two weeks and five and a half days since Nia had walked in on Lena in Kara's arms, lips pressed to her neck and hands wandering beneath her sweatshirt, and promptly shrieked the place down. Since their friends had exchanged pointed glances and relieved sighs and congratulated them on finally making it official, their expressions ranging from overjoyed to exasperated to plain exhausted.

It's been two weeks and four days of she and Kara dating; of morning kisses and shared showers and the perfect partner at game night and all of Lena's wildest dreams coming true.

It's been less than a minute since Kara had admitted, hushed and wondering, that she'd known she was in love with Lena ever since she'd found herself suddenly prepared to poison National City's entire water supply rather than let Lena fall. That she hadn't been able to fully it admit it to herself until she'd found herself suddenly prepared to alter the course of all of history in order to get Lena back.

And right now, Kara is reaching across the table at Noonan's and taking her hand. She's looking deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice barely rises above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And now that she has, Lena is sure of her answer.

The highlight reel of her relationship with Kara lays itself at Lena's feet, each precious memory between them stretching out like a roadmap of her growing affection, with every hard-won step leading her right to this moment.

And in this moment, Lena knows. She's in love with Kara. Really, she always has been.

#sorry this took approximately 8932018207402 thousand years to materialise #if you've ever sent me a prompt and thought well fuck she's taking so long with this she's clearly forgotten about it i'm just here to say:#nope!#still here #unsure how inspired by the song this actually was in the end #it's either way too close to the lyrics or not close enough #who can say #but anyway yeah. supercorp song #thank your for the prompt and the lovely message! hope you like it #asks #anonymous #ridings writes #supercorp #supercorp fanfic #supergirl #lena luthor #kara danvers

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