lyxthen

[lyxthen]

There are at least two (2) persons on earth who get Cortazar vibes from Disco Elysium and I feel so good about it right now

If I tell my high brow friends that Disco Elysium reminds me of Julio Cortazar do you think they will play it

[lyxthen]

Worst (ahem. BEST) part about Disco Elysium is that it feels like an honest to god beginners introduction to marxist thought and historical materialism. At times while playing I was like, ugh this sounds *exactly* like something my sociology professor (who I hate on a personal level but agree with politically) with would say. Insufferable leftist game. I would not change anything about it, it is perfect. Best game ever made.

[lyxthen]

If I tell my high brow friends that Disco Elysium reminds me of Julio Cortazar do you think they will play it

[lyxthen]

Always happy to see Disco Elysium on my dash from people I followed for entirely unrelated reasons.

[lyxthen]

Mentally ill people don't have rights.

We have never had rights.

You can be threatened with a near complete removal of liberty at the end of a "wellness" session and you are expected to just accept that. Like it is normal.

I am so tired. I am so tired of not being listened to. I am so tired of being forced to take pills I don't need, that I know will harm me because I've taken them before and then told it is *my* problem for not trusting the system.

Can you blame me for being scared?

Because I am scared.

I don't know what to do.

Should I fight? Should I let it happen? Is anything worth doing at all? I am small and my body is weak. I can't afford a lawyer.

I am alone. The people suppose to take care of me don't understand what they're doing to me. They sit on the other side of the desk and they prescribe. They don't know what it is like to be the one being prescribed to.

I can't take this anymore. I am tired. I am too tired to think. Nothing I say ever helps. In their eyes I will always be "too insane" to be trusted with my own life.

It's just too much.

[lyxthen]

Someplace in Spain, an old fascist has died. He was not a good man; he was evil in ways only army captains of an imperialist nation can be, but I did love him. He saw me as the only lasting legacy of his deseased son, as his personal neo-colonial project, but he loved me, too.

I will never see the old bastard again, and by God, I fucking hate that. I will never confront him about all the shitty things he did to our family, and that he did to the world. I will never be held in his arms again and kiss his wrinkly cheek while he laughs, with genuine joy.

My grandfather will be buried, and I will not attend the funeral. We are an ocean away. We were. And I cannot afford to cross it. I am stuck here, grieving a man that doesn't deserve to be grieved. My family will think I don't care, because they can't see me cry, and I can't bring myself to call them. It hurts too much.

There is nothing left to do.

This will pass.

[lyxthen]

Regardless of if Robert Kurvitz (head of development of Disco Elysium) is an absolute piece of shit asshole, or if what ZU/UM did with their funds was legal, if what happened to him happened to me (a corporation robbing me of the right to work on a project I've spent developing since my early teen years, hours upon hours of earnest love and struggle taken away from me) I would straight up kill myself. I would not be able to continue living with that. It would be as though someone murdered my wife and children in front of my helpless eyes and then taxidermied their bodies as a trophies to put in their living room. All purpose stripped from my existence, all left for me to do would be to die. I am not being hyperbolic, that's genuinely what I would do. The fact that this can happen at all under the current socio-economic system is fucking insane.

[lyxthen]

And they're all autistic!

Gravity Falls is about old men with personality disorders

[lyxthen]

"Maybe if we made lists like Harry du Bois we would be better-functioning"

"I cannot believe you just said you want to be more like Harry du Bois"

[lyxthen]

World's most disordered man

(He wants a smoke)

[lyxthen]

Disco Elysium, after my first, completely blind playthrough, is about a drunk detective with that sweet ADHD BPD DID combo that lives in your avarage third world country (me too comrade, me too), is kind of insufferable, has a buddy who looks normal but is actually kind of a freak if you pay attention, has a ton of fucking side-quests I wasn't able to finish, but hey, I tried, "Easy, 97%: [Failed]" FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU, I spent all my skill points internalizing homosexuality and this is the result (died 5 times in a row because who needs endurance when you're questioning your sexual orientation), MAGIC IS REAL?!?!? Meta ass shit with the role-playing thing. What the FUCK is the pale. Is anyone gonna explain to me this cosmic-horror bullshit. Omg a Phasmid Hiii buggy boy. HE WAS A HIGH SCHOOL GYM TEACHER ALL ALONG? The end.

[lyxthen]

I finished Disco Elysium. I am finally free. Thank fucking god. I can go back to normal life.

[lyxthen]

The thing about special interests / hyperfixations is that they can bring you a lot of joy but they can also ruined your life.

I year ago, I dropped out of highschool because I was obsessed with Ace Attorney. I was too busy thinking about Ace Attorney to do anything else. Not even playing the game. Just *thinking* about it. It was the thing that kept me getting out of bed for months, and it was also the thing that drove me to drop everything I had worked for those last three years of my life.

When I say I wish I could like things a "normal amount" I don't just mean it in the sense it causes social isolation, because I cannot for the life of me be invested in any conversation not involved with this particular subject. I mean it because it can be genuinely detrimental to my ability to function. I shut down everything else. I can't fall asleep because my brain has found an infinite dopamine glitch and it's called Rotating the Blorbo. Same thought patterns repeat themselves and don't allow anything else to get in.

It's like falling in love. The giddiness, laughing at nothing, smiling, daydreaming. Complete and utter enfatuation with a specific topic. And just like falling in love, it can't be stopped. It's a beautiful thing that wrecks everything in its path. It makes people do stupid, reckless things.

It makes *me* do stupid, reckless things, at least.

So yeah.

[lyxthen]

Spiritual successor to the Ace Attorney brainrot

I'm disco brainrotted

[lyxthen]

It's out of hand

I'm disco brainrotted

[lyxthen]

I'm disco brainrotted

[lyxthen]

This is ominous. I am now even more invested.

My understanding of Disco Elysium so far