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#fatigue has been a bitch
uglypastels · 1 year
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Do you have a schedule or list of when you’ll post the requests you received? 🤍🤍
No i'm sorry. I post as soon as i'm done writing and i write whenever i have the energy/motivation/inspiration 🙏 i hope to get something done this weekend but if not, please be patient
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sadisthetic · 9 months
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limewire virus
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starzwithapen · 9 months
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Both JD and Clay need back braces but only one of them actually wears theirs [it's not JD]
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ducktracy · 5 months
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i am literally so mad that i have waited years to write this review of Daffy’s Southern Exposure and when i finally do i get the worst cold i have had at least within the past 5 years and am too sick to write a substantial amount. like come on. COME ON! i would almost rather it be COVID because that’s at least a valid excuse!!!!! sorry this post nasal drip made me nauseous and then i got mad that i was nauseous because i also had a bad stomach bug two weeks ago that also prevented me from writing. needless to say i hope you all enjoy the review when it’s out because my goodness it is giving me a hard time. thank you for your patience again 😤🙏
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novadraws · 9 months
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art vs artist 2023 (ft. my first ever cosplay!) ✨
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cockyroaches · 4 months
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I woke up real late and started wondering why and then the horrors hit me
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sunriseindigo · 3 months
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gonna be real honest with u it’s been hard to do anything lately
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twinknote · 1 year
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ranting as my dog given right this fine disability pride month (altho i’m feeling more disability shame rn)
my mom asked if i wanted to get smth for dinner and i was like “i don’t rly have the energy to go out but i would order smth for pickup/delivery” bc ik i pushed myself a bit too hard the past few days (today Esp)
and altho i appreciate it bc i haven’t been able to afford to get food anywhere in a Hot minute, i’m like Wow i rly don’t have the energy to call somewhere or even go into a restaurant to pick up food and i’m also just feeling v arfid-y esp around meat and things that might mess up my stomach and anyway i just wish that shit wasn’t so fuckin complicated and i wish my mom could understand how complicated even something as simple as getting food is for me and just like idk offer to pick it up. i hate having elderly parents who don’t know how to function in the world on their own
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grantairezee · 2 years
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me: *has to be in a Mood to want to eat Soup, and pretty much only if it's cold out*
me: *has the Ingredience for Two Separate Soups that i need to cook and eat*
The Weather :*is 85 degrees F*
me:...ffffffffffffffuck 😔😭
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Cheers.
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thistlekiss · 4 months
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Fucking exhausted from my grocery shop today and dad drops that all the fuckin work i did clearing shit on monday/tuesday that he SAID needed to be done "as soon as possible" aka THAT DAY when i was ALREADY SUPER FATIGUED is FUCKINGGGGG USELESSSSSSS
i am. Pure rage.
#my fatigue has been so fucking bad my health is getting worse my POTS is getting worse i've had such bad side effects of this fuckin meds#i could have fuckin used the energy i WASTED on that fuckin cleaning#I'D FEEL LESS SHITTY TODAY IF I HADNT DONE THAT SHIT#MY SLEEP CYCLE WOULDNT BE SO FUCKRD#i am trying not to have a melt/shutdown and i am trying not to cry with pure frustration#if you dont want to fuckin clean it say that dont fuckin indirectly blame me#christ i cant keep up with life what the fuck am i supposed to do#welp shutdown incoming ha ha#not only that but being proud of myself for smth and then having the rug yanked out from under me is a huge trigger#so not only was i already burned out snd exhausted i'm now massively triggered bc that thing i was somewhat proud of#has proved to be a massive waste of time and effort and energy and it's like having that achievement torn away from me#awesome. great. fuck i wish i had some weed#honestly i should have asked to go into the psych ward in june instead of july. sigh.#gonna be not-funny funny when my psych asks how im doing and i get to tell her between the last appt and admittance i've struggled with#active suicidal feelings ~3+ times ha ha#and then no doubt someone will say “at least you didnt attempt” yeah well thats only bc i'm scared of failing and being more disabled#the second i'm too distraught to worry abt that it's fuckin over for me bitches#anyway i would like to die in my sleep#maybe i stop the blood pressure meds and hope for a heart attack
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ourtintedworld · 1 year
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I forgot to mention that oml
Anyways, family is moving! We're heading up to Virginia and I'm so excited. I've always loved Virginia. The nature, the history, even the architecture of most places.
I will say, I missed the south.
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harunayuuka2060 · 1 month
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WHB Series #1 (Cont.)
MC: *has put Raphael on a leash and muzzle; still with his restraints*
Amon: ...
Amon: That looks cozy.
MC: Bitch, what?
Bael: Is he still under your spell?
MC: Dunno. But he's suspiciously being docile.
Bael: What do you mean-
MC: *yanks Raphael's leash so he would lower his head* *ruffles his hair hard*
MC: I've been treating him roughly since he came here, but fucker seems fine with everything.
MC: You have any guesses why?
Bael and Amon: ...
Bael: Descendant of Solomon, are you experiencing any fatigue?
MC: No?
Amon: Are you using the seraph to replenish your energy?
MC: ...
MC: *checks out Raphael* Nah, I haven't taken a bite off him.
Raphael: *blushes*
MC: I didn't mean that in a sexual way, the fuck.
Bael and Amon: ...
Naberius: What are we going to do here, descendant of Solomon?
MC: What else? We're going to hunt his minions.
Naberius: Won't that be dangerous?
MC: Yes, but we've got this. *yanks Raphael again*
Naberius: ...
Naberius: I hope you don't mind me saying this, but are you certain he will be of help?
MC: Yes? He's the bait.
Naberius: ...
Naberius: Have you created a new weapon?
MC: Yes, sweetie. And I'm quite confident about it.
Naberius: *blushes slightly*
Stolas: Hey, you know they're not calling you that, right?
Amon: MC acts sweet in the taste of success.
MC: To be precise, it's the sweet taste of hard wor-
MC: ...
Naberius, Stolas, and Amon: *also became alert*
Raphael: *mumbling some words*
MC: ...
MC: Get ready. We've got a battalion.
*The angels appeared from above.*
The angels: You will die here today, descendant of Solomon!
MC: Oh really? *smirks* Even if I have your Seraph Raphael? *holding him close*
The angels: ...
The angels: He'll praise us for killing you.
MC: This m-
Raphael: *immediately flew towards the sky, attacking the angels*
MC, Amon, Naberius, and Stolas: ...
Raphael: *killing every single one of them*
Amon, Naberius, and Stolas: *looks at MC*
MC: ...
MC: This wasn't part of my plan. Quick! Go back to the castle and report to Bael!
Stolas: How about you?!
MC: I'll be fine! LEAVE!
Amon, Naberius, and Stolas: *hesitates, but follows their order*
MC: *when they're sure they left*
MC: RAPHAEL!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!
Raphael: ...
Raphael: *looks at them and smiles*
Raphael: I took care of them. Just for you.
MC: *looks at all the bodies of angels now on the ground*
MC: ...
MC: What's going on?
Raphael: *descends in front of them* *leans close*
Raphael: How did I do?
Raphael: God.
MC: ...
MC: What the fuck-
Beelzebub: Get away from them, Raphael.
Raphael: *holds MC securely*
MC: !!!
Raphael: I'm bringing them back to heaven.
MC: HUH??!!
Beelzebub: *laughs*
Beelzebub: I won't let you!
MC: These idiots-
MC, Raphael, and Beelzebub: *went back to the palace safely*
Raphael: *in his restraints again*
Beelzebub: *with a few wounds on his body, but he's completely fine*
MC: *on the other hand, feels exhausted*
Beelzebub: That was a smart move. I'll give you 1000 points.
MC: Shut the fuck up.
Raphael: *is in a terrible condition after MC activated the bomb inside his body, though he miraculously survived*
Beelzebub: ...
Beelzebub: You need to be more careful from now on.
MC: ...
MC: No. I'm going to exploit this.
Beelzebub: *surprised* What?
MC: A powerful seraph called me 'god'? *smiles* I'd be dumb not to use that opportunity.
Beelzebub: ...
Beelzebub: *laughs* Let's see what you can do.
Michael: Raphael killed a battalion of our angels?
A random angel: Yes, sir.
A random angel: Sir Raphael betrayed heaven for the descendant of Solomon!
Michael: ...
Gabriel: Raphael did? Why would he do such a thing?
Michael: That's what I would like to know.
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raeathnos · 2 years
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allbark-no-bite · 3 months
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american boys hate to lose.
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jake seresin x reader (wc: 6.2k)
summary: you finally get a taste of Jake Seresin, but you may have bit off more than you can chew
warnings: 18+ smut, heavy sexual themes, lack of use of condoms
author’s note: part 2 of ‘don’t write check you can’t cash’ is here! i would highly recommend reading that before this but do with that what you will. dare i say there will be a part 3?
(you can read part 1 here!)
————————————————————————
You can feel his eyes on you, burning into the back of your head, daring you to turn around and meet his gaze. You haven't so much as looked back in his direction since the training meeting started but you know he's there and you know that he's looking at you.
If you were more reasonable, you'd write it off as the residual heat of the evening seeping in through the window of the ready room being cast upon the back of your neck, warming your skin with it's golden orange hue. Such a feeling would render you lazy and cat-like, content enough to slouch in your chair and soak up the rays until only the ending of the meeting would force you to move from your state of tranquility.
Instead you sit up right in your chair, rigid and uncomfortable as your skin buzzes feverishly.
It's the same scrutinizing feeling that you felt that day out on the tarmac and the same one that you felt as he stood back and watch you play pool at the Hard Deck.
It's ridiculous it what it really is, the fact that you're not grown up enough to just turn around and ask him what the fuck his problem is. He's the one who very clearly laid down the law. He has no right to test your strength to adhere to it.
And tested you he has.
Jake's been at your throat all week. It was almost as though he had decided that he couldn't have you and therefore he would hate you enough to make up for it.
"Had enough, Lieutenant?"
From your limited line of sight—face down in the position of a push-up—all you can see are the scuffed toes of his tan combat boots. He's crouched down on the pavement, balanced on the balls of his feet, leaning down beside you so that he's inches from your ear.
Not yet ready to answer him, all you can do is huff under the strain of your screaming muscles, which are about fifty push-ups past fatigued. You can hear the uncomfortable murmurs of the rest of the Dagger squad watching yours and Jake's show down from a distance.
He'd been a bitch all day. Nagging, nitpicking, critiquing every little thing you did both in and out of the air. Finally, you had had enough.
"I said, have you had enough, Lieutenant!?"
His voice was so familiar and yet utterly foreign in the moment. It caused that twisting feeling in the pit of your stomach to return, the one that you didn't know what to make of. As if you couldn't decided whether you were pleased at his attention or fed up with his attitude.
Gasping, you swallow a glob of spit in your throat, trying to pull yourself together. You're not sure how much longer you can hold this position before you physically collapse. A groan escapes you unwillingly.
"As soon as you say you've had enough, you can get up. Until then, I've got all day."
You could feel the tension in the air between the two of you. It had been building steadily for the entirety of the day and this altercation had appeared to be its breaking point.
You stare at the ground, hoping he will take your silence as an answer.
A part of you was glad that you couldn't see his face and he could't see yours. It's hard to look him in the eyes sometimes.
Bradley must notice your agitation because he cocks you a questioning a brow when you finally catch his eye, having been viciously chewing on your pen into order satiate your frustration whilst listening to Maverick give his brief. You wave off his concern with a dismissive flick of your hand, as if to indicate that it's nothing for him to worry about.
You doubt he's convinced but he doesn't push you any further. If he thought Jake was bothering you, he'd be out of his chair and across the room in a matter of seconds. You don't know how you would explain to him that you haven't been able to forget the press of Jake's body against yours at the pool table or the way his voice dripped down and seeped into your spine even as he yelled at you.
The sound of papers flipping and notebooks closing draw you back to the present.
"You're dismissed. Your report time is at o'six hundred tomorrow," Maverick states, bringing the meeting to a close.
Your eyes dart to the clock mounted on the wall, unaware that the time had eluded you so quickly. You're evidently so distracted that Rooster's already gone by the time you gather up your things. Something about a hot date, he'd said.
Glad to finally escape the tension that is this room, you can already feel the ease flooding back into your body, that prickling feeling of dread and restlessness finally leaving your skin as you reach for the door. Instantly the world feels a little brighter, like maybe you'll even brave the evening traffic just to take the scenic route home, roll your windows down so that you can hear the waves breaking on the beach and smell the salt air.
A voice jerks you from your day dream, and immediately you're reminded of just the reason for your foul mood.
"You know, you're a bigger thorn in my side than I thought you were going to be."
You stop just outside the doorframe and the door swings shut. There's no one but the two of you left in the room.
"Is that your way of saying that you're not used to people not letting you push them around?
"I'm saying most people don't enjoy being yelled at."
His green eyes twinkle and his mouth pulls into a smirk that dares you to challenge his statement.
You swallow the spit in your throat, biting your tongue because you know that your argument won't come out convincing enough.
"You were being a bitch," you say instead.
"You wanted me to be."
"That's all I can seem to get from you."
Rather than the snarky reply that you've already braced yourself for, Jake takes two steps towards you and immediately you shuffle backwards, meeting the wall in the process. With nowhere to go, you have no choice but to remain trapped between him and the wall of the room.
Now cornered, he is dangerously close.
A sharp but smokey musk stings your sinuses— one that will become synonymous to you with his presence. The stench of jet fuel makes you lightheaded for just a moment before you snap back to the present.
His sharp green eyes narrow down at you. Your face feels hot under his gaze. Eye contact is becoming a common theme for the two of you. You can't look away.
He is close. Very close. In retrospect, he has never had any concept of personal space. Since the day you met Jake, you have always been somewhat off-put if not startled by his forwardness. The way he had reached out to correct your posture at the pool table without prior warning nor consent had nearly killed you.
He was going to kill you.
Hardly breathing, you take him in with a certain clarity. You haven't been able to put your finger on it, but his face has a certain rawness to it — a natural ruddiness that you can't explain. The waterlines of his green eyes are invariably tinged a pale pink, likely permanently wind burnt, and his nose is always a touch red. Early traces of crows feet pull at the corners of his usually hooded green eyes. Speaking of, now you realize they're not even all that green. The soft golden tint becomes apparent looking into his eyes. If it weren't for their undeniable vibrance, maybe you would be able to breathe right now.
Your attention falls down to his plump pink lips. And maybe those. They shine with a particular wetness, and your cheeks burn with the thought.
His hand lifts from his side and immediately your eyes fly back up to meet his gaze, praying he hasn't caught you staring. Instead he curls his fingers into the side of your jaw and stares at you with that infuriatingly unreadable expression on his face. You wish that for just once in his life he'd express some sort of overt emotion. He doesn't speak, and all you can do is swallow against the press of his thumb.
Your mouth parts slightly, attempting to speak, to say something —anything to alleviate the silence— but nothing escapes besides a noiseless breath of air.
Jake dips his head down timidly, as though he's testing the waters.
Unable to comprehend what he's doing, your first reflex is to replenish the distance between you, and your head jerks backwards. However, it is forced to come to a stop when it hits the wall a millisecond later.
Jake pauses, mouth inches from yours.
Despite the panic that is threatening to take control of you, telling you to push him away, to tell him to stop because this is entirely wrong, you do nothing but stand frozen. Your heart is in your throat, pounding hard enough to stall your breath.
I want this if you want this, but not if you don't, you want to tell him. I will find a way to go on if you don't.
The muscles in his jaw clench, like he's trying hard to make up his mind.
And then without warning, his mouth captures your lips in a hard kiss, driving them open with the force of it. Gone is his previous hesitation. He is voracious; all tongue and teeth. You swear you feel the wall rattle against your back as he pushes you against it.
The thought that anyone could walk in at any moment hardly even flashes through your mind. All there is is the bruising force of his mouth on yours, pulling you further and further into the inescapable depths of desire.
Your hand finds the short crop of his blonde hair and fists into it, tugging roughly on the golden strands. It makes him grunt, the noise muffled by the press of his lips against yours. Jake's hands find your hips, his fingers tearing at the fabric of your flight suit to bring you closer to his body.
When your lips part to breathe, he licks into your mouth, tongue dragging along the slick of your teeth just so that he can taste you. Like he's been just as desperate to taste you as you've been. One of his hands finds the length of your throat and wraps around it, using his thumb to tip your jaw back up so that he can capture your lips in another bruising kiss.
Your need for air forces you to place a hand on his chest, pushing him away hard enough that he gets the hint. It takes more force than it should, and Jake pulls away, breathing hard.
As your senses come back to you, so does your common sense, and all you can think is: there's no way that just happened.
The sight of his flushed cheeks, blown pupils, and swollen, spit slick lips is what kicks you into gear. Anyone could walk in here at any moment. You can't even begin to explain how bad of a situation that could be.
"We should go," you breathe, heart still pounding in your chest.
Rather than pulling away, Jake lingers, hovering over you. "Go where?" he hums. "I've got you right where I want you." His mouth dips down to the barely exposed part of your collar. You swallow thickly as his mouth moves up to your neck, lip pressing to your exposed throat.
"Really," you stress, a bit desperately, your eyes darting to the closed door as he kisses up your neck. "We can't stay here."
To your immense relief, Jake finally pulls away.
"Okay," he agrees, a bit too easily. "I'll bring you home."
——
The car ride is strange but not uncomfortable. Strange because you keep looking over to your left and Jake is sitting there, one hand on the wheel, aviators perched on his nose as he watches the road. Strange because he doesn't ask you for directions, just drives in comfortable silence, the radio turned low enough that you can still hear the gulls squawking as you drive by the beach.
You turn to look at him as he pulls the truck to a stop and reaches for the keys to turn off the ignition. He's smiling and doing a poor job of concealing it.
"I didn't invite you in," you inform him, although your voice doesn't sound too firm in the statement. You'd been so sure that you wanted this back when he was kissing you, but now that the aftermath of your decision is playing out, you're nervous you're making a mistake.
You'd known that anything involving Jake was a risky game from day one. Between his looks and the all-American southern boy charm, it was a dangerous combination. There's a difference between wanting the idea of something and actually having it.
Jake just huffs, his smile still nonchalant as he looks over at you. "I can't walk you to the door?"
You can feel your stomach twisting again. "I suppose."
Your fingers feel numb and tingly as you push the key into the lock on the door and twist, your heart a bit in your throat because you're all to aware of Jake standing less than a foot behind you. It takes you a few shaky tries but the door finally cracks open.
Realizing that you can't avoid the inevitable any longer, you turn back around to face Jake. He's leant against the side of the doorframe, arms crossed in front of his chest and looking not at all like he isn't supposed to be here.
You stare and him and he stares back at you.
Without a word, he steps forward, into your space, and leans down with the intention to kiss you. Your stomach twists tighter than it was before. You turn your head before he can kiss you, and you feel his lips brush your cheek. 
"You can come inside. I- I just need a moment," you confess. "Maybe a glass of wine or two."
Jake chuckles as he draws away, giving you the space that you silently asked for, and for that you're grateful. 
"Okay," he concedes. "Lead the way, then."Once inside, you set your things down and escape for the moment of space that you need to clear your head under the pretense of needing a shower. It's not totally untrue. The day had been busy, more so than usual, and you were still sticky with sweat. You leave Jake in the kitchen to find the wine on his own.
While the tub fills, you're finally able to rid yourself of the clothes that you have been donning since the day began at roughly 6 am. Though you're usually a shower person, you've learned a bath is the most effective way get rid of the stress of the day.
The scalding water welcomes you and a sigh escapes your mouth when you sink down to your shoulders. The basin is deep enough that it could fit two people comfortably. You unpleasantly note that that's a thought you've never had until now.
The steam releases the tension from your shoulders and eases your persistent headache. Although you are well aware that Jake is just a few rooms away in the kitchen, the urge to close your eyes and sink in is too much to resist.
He had leaned in first. Backed you against the wall of the ready room and hovered inches from your face. There had been an out. It was brief, but it had been there. And you just stood there, barely breathing, watching him. You had seen the gun in his hands and willed him to use it.
His mouth was just as hot and demanding as you had come to know him. You remember breathing in and all you could smell was him, feel his hand on your jaw, his fingers digging into your skin. He had been the one to pull away, although just barely, and hovered inches from your face once again.
Being so close to him, it was the first time you had noticed the gold in his jade green eyes. From a distance, they were a stark green, but your new found proximity told a different story. You have not been able to see them as anything other than that obscure green ever since.
You break the water's surface and draw in a deep breath, smoothing your wet hair away from your face.
"I was beginning to think you weren't going to come back up." Jake is leaning against the open door frame, his arms crossed in front of his chest.
You hum, blinking the dripping water away. "Sorry," you murmur, although you don't know what you're apologizing for. He could do that, draw apologies from your mouth even when you had done nothing worthy of forgiveness.
He sighs and moves across the bathroom with languid familiarity, and you have to remind yourself that this is real. It is a strange concept to grasp, seeing him here, in your house. It's surreal to you, the thought that he exists beyond the base and is so domestic.
"Wasn't looking for an apology, kid. Just came to bring you some wine." He produces a glass that you failed to notice originally and sets it on the ground next to him, crouching down beside the tub. One of his hands dips in to swirl the water with the tip of his finger.
Though he doesn't stare, you are keenly aware that he can surely see more than just your naked shoulders through the clear bath water. Strangely, you don't flush at the thought.
His chin comes to rest on the edge of the tub, and his green eyes watch you with a curious guile. It is a look that you have come to enjoy for its fleeting but ensuring familiarity.
You sink back into the tub, feeling the tickle of the water as it laps at the nape of your neck. "You just wanted an excuse to look."
The corner of his mouth quirks faintly upwards. "I'll take what I can get."
As you watch each other, you come to the realization that you could want this. This moment. This life. Him.
For a glimmer of a second, you see yourself making dinner, a green eyed toddler balanced on your hip. The dog he didn't want barks at the front door as his truck pulls into the driveway. He finally walks into the kitchen after a long day in the air and wraps himself around you from behind—
Jake wiggles his fingers in the water, disrupting the calm surface of it.
"Get in," you invite him. It's a well intended, genuine proposition, and one you see no problem with. After your breach of professionalism in the hangar, sharing a bath seemed to rank decently low on the scale of scandal.
"No," he huffs, dismissing the idea, but his eyes twinkle, at least humoring you in his refusal.
Not allowing yourself the be disappointed with his answer, you let your cheek rest against the rim of the tub with a wistful smile. "Should I get out then?"
His fingers brush the inside of your knee and ghost down your calf. "No," he says again. "I like you like this."
Naked. Exposed. Relenting.
You smile at each other with your lips pressed together to convey what the two of you won't say out loud. Something inside you knows he won't be this way tomorrow. He won't share this same look with you, won't be this gentle or tangible again.
His hand curls around your ankle, his thumb working into a particularly tender spot. You wince, a hiss escaping through your teeth as you refrain from jerking your foot away from his digging fingers. It hurts at first, the rough massaging of his fingers into the muscle, but the discomfort dissipates when he draws your foot up and places a delicate kiss to the arch. You feel your cheeks warm. His green eyes linger on you.
"We should talk," you murmur softly.
"About?" he hums coyly, pressing another tender kiss to your ankle. The hot trail of his lips lingers on your skin.
Getting him to talk has been like pulling teeth, and it's obvious that's not about to change now.
As much as you want to remain here with his lips pressed to your skin for forever, you sit up in the water to face him, and he pliantly releases your ankle back into the bath. Without saying anything, you lean forward and search his eyes for any sort of sign of what all this is about, wondering if it's some sort of sick joke and he's just fucking around with you.
His green eyes do nothing but watch you keenly, his eyebrow quirking as he stares back at you. What exactly you're looking for, you don't know. You want to ask him what the hell you're doing here, sitting in your bathroom, too close to be considered professional, but all you can do is stare and listen to the sound of his breathing.
Your bodies have drifted closer to each other during the process, only separated by the rim of the bathtub. Your faces mere inches from each other, he tips his chin up and your noses brush. You can feel the hovering warmth of his lips over your own. The exhale that escapes you is shaky and surely he hears it. Jake's gaze dips to your parted lips and then flickers back up. With more care than you would have imagined him capable of, he presses his mouth to yours.
This kiss is more hesitant than the first, softer and more timid than anything. His lips are pillowy, and you have to shove down the urge to take the plump pout of his bottom lip between your teeth. A wanting ache pools into your stomach. It is the second time that you've known the hot pulse of his mouth and basked in the taste of him.
All too soon, he pulls away, but nevertheless, you're breathless, still trying to comprehend it all. There are a lot of conflicting emotions racing through you, and you're not sure of which ones to trust. A part of you knows this isn't right. He's both a coworker and a friend — not to mention nearly ten years your senior.
But he's smiling at you with those beguiling green eyes, and you're learning that very little matters when he looks at you like that.
The towel you wrap around yourself serves little purpose because as soon as you step out of the tub, Jake is crowding you out of the bathroom and into the bedroom.
He pays little heed to your insistence that he'll slip on the wet floor in his socks, instead choosing to kiss along your bare shoulder, mindless to where you're going. The two of you hit the wall before you make it anywhere else so he traps your body with his and connects your lips again.
He licks into your mouth, tasting you with an assured vigor. Using the leverage of your position against the wall, the next kiss is harder, trapping you between his body and the plaster. You have to remind yourself to keep hold of the towel around you. You free hand curls around his head to grasp onto what is left of his cropped hair. It is soft and downy between your fingers.
His teeth catch hold of your bottom lip, and he sucks on it gently, causing you to exhale shakily, dizzy with his taste. When he releases it, there is hardly enough time for you to breathe before his mouth captures yours again.
The lack of space between you creates an air that is suffocatingly hot and needy. Your lips feel swollen and slick with spit. He nips at the tender skin, and this time you whimper.
Jake pulls away when you lean forward to chase his lips again. His hands go to his shirt, pulling it over his head with one forceful tug. The flesh of his torso slides over muscle with the effort. His pants go next.
It is the first time that you see him naked. The first time you see him in anything other than a clean cut, military issued uniform, an image so conventionalized in your mind that it had become impossible to imagine him any other way. It is a type of unearthing for you, because you realize he's not unlike what you expected him to be.
Like his cheeks, his broad shoulders are tan and golden, even darker in comparison to his sun brazen complexion. The handles of his hips fade into large quads, tense with muscle. He's full, as one would think a man should be, his muscles swollen to the point that it looks skin splitting. It is foreign to you, his sturdiness, barren of boyhood.
Your towel goes next, and it falls to the ground at your feet, abandoned on the bedroom floor. Then he's kissing you again, your mouths raw and wet from tasting each other. The only breath you can suck in is his own.
As if he can sense your building headiness, Jake eases up a bit, connecting a few relatively tame pecks to your lips. Doing so, he grins against your mouth. Your eyes are closed but you can imagine the confident, all too relaxed look on his face as he says it.
"Just let go."
You have never been good at opening up, something past boyfriends have begged you — tears dripping down faces in college dorms — to do. You grew up alone, in a normal sized house with regular parents who fought enough to talk about divorce but never enough to do it. And so when you get scared, the nervous tendencies and self preservation that you learned as a child take over. Like a dog who learned not to trust a man's raised hand. Always ready to bite. Always on guard with your chest heaving wide and teeth bared.
He hovers, as if knowing not to push you. You are the same in that way, in your astuteness for each other. It was as if you knew each other without trying. His fingers smooth along the ridges of your spine. Pressed against his body, you linger indulgently at the hollow of his throat. His skin smells salty and raw, unsullied by the usual cleanly redolence of woody soap and washing detergent.
The thought occurs your to again.
I could want this.
It feels good if nothing else.
You unclench your jaw and become nothing beneath him.
Jake pushes you back until you're laying flat against the bed, and you have almost completely reversed positions. He follows, taunt muscles moving fluidly under bronze skin as he crawls over you. Wanting him closer, your legs hook around his waist, pressing his hips into your own. You can feel him harden at the contact.
There's no teasing, no rough foreplay, no biting remarks. He explores your body at his own pace, his large calloused hands pawing at the swell of your breasts before sliding down to squeeze firmly at the muscle of your ass.
The drag of his thigh against your clit is enough to draw a gasp from you, and he grins against your skin. Jake kisses along your chest, tongue teasing up the valley of your breasts while you grind your hips up into him.
A desperate whine slips out of your throat when he lifts his head. He moves up on the bed and plants a chaste kiss to your lips to quiet you. Then he pulls away again, face hovering over yours. His green eyes are bright, returning a sort of youthful gleam to his face.
"What?" he inquires, asking in the manner of someone who already knew the answer before they spoke.
"Want to feel you."
He hums, hand slipping under your hips to press them up into his own. The hard—hot—outline of his cock twitches against your bare skin. "You can feel me plenty."
He waits for the answer that he wants.
"Want to feel you inside me."
Grinning, he mocks an 'ahh' of understanding before leaning back to dig in his dresser, supposedly for a condom. For a glimmer of a moment, you lay back and marvel at the sheer size of him—the thick build of his shoulders, the hulking mass of his thighs, the size of his hard cock.
Catching onto your staring, Jake pulls a smirk that says he's pleased with having caught you doing so. Humility has never been a characteristic that you would have attached to Jake, and perhaps it was his resulting confidence that made his lack of the virtue so forgivable.
You wave him off when he comes up from the dresser empty handed. You'd take a plan B in the morning if you had too. He raises a brow, mouth quirking at your disregard but doesn't comment on it.
Jake crawls back over you and teases the tip of his flushed cock at your entrance just to hear you whine before sliding in. His size is by no means deceiving. The stretch of him stings. Jake quiets your grunt of discomfort by pressing his mouth to yours, tongue entangling with your own.
Your fingers dig into the hard muscle of his back, nails leaving half moons in his skin. His breath fans over your face, nose brushing yours as he hovers, waiting.
"Relax," he murmurs, one of his large palms rubbing up the tense muscle of your side. He can feel the tension beneath your skin, quivering with anticipation.
"Move, Jake," you pant from between your clenched teeth.
"Relax," he repeats, sterner. The tone of his voice tells you that he's not going to move until you do.
Huffing, you will your spine to loosen, try to let go of the tension in your hips. It's hard to concentrate when all you can feel is the splitting stretch of his pulsing cock inside of you, but you manage to relax enough that the clench of your knees isn't so tight around his hips.
"Atta girl."
Gently, as not to move too suddenly, Jake rocks his body into yours, hips rolling against your own. You close your eyes and breathe him in. Like a match being struck, the movement ignites a spark in your abdomen. The tone of your whines change from discomfort to pleasure as he continues to rock his hips.
"Fuck," he groans. "You're tight. But takin' me so well."
Face tucked into his neck, mouth pressed to his ear, all that comes out is a moan in response.
Jake's hand glides down your side, blunt fingers bumping over the ridges of your ribs and across your hip. His palm smooths over the curve of your ass, hand cupping the underside of your thigh and hiking it up without warning. The change in angle allows him to sink deeper into your, hitting a spongey spot that has you mewling.
Your fingers dig into the flesh of his shoulder, nails digging crescents that are sure to draw blood. The breath that escaped him is sharp. He grits his teeth, mouth pressed to your throat as he sponges kisses to your skin.
Something tells you he likes it, the pain. Not necessarily in a masochistic way, his psych exams would never let him get away with that. But you suspect it's more of a reminder that he's human. You know for you it is.
You know that your time is not unlimited and despite that fact that you're good at what you do, your role as a fighter pilot has an expiration date. The average time spent in the field is ten years, and even then most didn't stay in that long. These days, every mission you come back from is a miracle. Eventually you run out of those.
Jake's palm that isn't supporting your thigh slides back up your ribs until his fingers find yours link them, and bring them above your head. The position stretches the expanse of your body out across the bed, exposing you entirely to him. Jake abandons the crease of your neck to suck a bruise to the underside of your breast, a spot he knows will be hidden by your bra should anyone care to look. The laving of his tongue along your nipple sends a shiver down your spine.
Between the rocking of his cock inside you and the attention he's paying to your breasts, you reach your breaking point. You squirm beneath him, walls clenching around his cock as you come. The orgasm travels all the way down to your toes and has you curling them into the mattress.
Jake isn't far behind you. He comes without warning, without asking in or out. You feel it when he releases inside of you, hot and overwhelming. You close your eyes, your head falling back against the mattress as he pulls out. Your used cunt clenches around nothing, already missing his absence. With your heart beating fast inside of your chest, you're grateful that the fan had already been turned on in your bedroom. It helps to cool your flushed cheeks.
Somewhere to your side, you feel the mattress dip and Jake rolls off to lay beside you. He says something but the words are nothing but noise in the back of your fuzzy head. You know you need to clean yourself up, get up and brush your teeth, but you're suddenly more tired than you've ever been in your entire life. Five minutes just to close your eyes won't hurt.
——
You wake up with a start hours later. At first you're confused. The bedroom is oddly bright and your alarm hasn't yet gone off. The sight of Jake tangled in your sheets, snoring occasionally beside you brings it all back.
The soft glow of the lamp on the bedside table swallows his body in a golden brown hue. He's faced towards you on his side, one arm tucked under his head, the other cupping the underside of your thigh, which is slung over his hip. Wide awake beside him, you use the opportunity to observe his face freely.
A faint smattering of freckles that look more like sun damage than anything hide behind his tanned complexion. They creep down the bridge of his nose and across his strong cheekbones, hardly noticeable unless you were to really look.
His fair hair and blonde lashes make you think that he was probably even blonder in his younger years. His lips match the flush of his cheeks, a dusty rose color with a plumpness that most girls usually spend good money trying to achieve.
But as the glorious post-sex haze fades away, so does your blissful negligence. You have a training meeting in an hour, and yet here you are, sleeping in the bed with a man that you barely even know.
You should go, get up before he does so that you're not leaving for the meeting at the same time.
Shifting across the mattress proves to be a relatively easy task. Jake barley moves an inch as you slip from his grasp, the mattress creaking just slightly beneath you. It's when your feet hit the cold floor that the latest problem presents itself.
Lukewarm liquid escapes down your thighs, creating a trail of creamy liquid down your bare legs. A recap of the night's events plays through your head. You didn't use a condom.
"Fuck me," you curse quietly, rushing toward the bathroom as best you can with semen dripping down you legs. You awkwardly step into the shower and rise yourself off, already making plans to buy a Plan B as soon as you can. Nothing will be open this early so you'll have to go after the meeting.
You creep back into the bedroom in search of your uniform. To your dismay, Jake turns over as you tiptoe across the room. After a moment, he sits up slightly, watching as you yank on your clothes from last night. They're rumpled from spending the night on the floor, but you've shown up for work in much worse condition. Jake hasn't said a word.
When you reach for the door, he's still watching you. For a second you panic, wondering if you're supposed to kiss him goodbye or at least say something as you leave.
If he's expecting you to and you don't, you set a clear boundary to whatever is going on between you. If he's not and you do, it could be the last time you see him inside your bedroom.
Before you can think twice, you mutter a goodbye and dart out the door.
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satellitespinner · 8 months
Text
MODERN ELLIE HEADCANNONS
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modern!ellie who rides a beat up skateboard from when she was 15 everywhere. i mean everywhere your place, jesse’s, class. everywhere !
modern!ellie whose pen is never not in her hand, or deep denim pockets.
modern!ellie who tries to learn cool pen tricks while “finishing” her homework, but ends up hitting you with the pen..
modern!ellie who was your bestfriend before she was your girlfriend. you two were inseparable! (and irritating.)
modern!ellie who never fucking answers her texts.. it’s infuriating.
modern!ellie who sells weed on the side of working at a small café on campus. (she doesn’t like Starbucks) ((as she should))
modern!ellie who majors in astrophysics! that girl has been in love with space since she could talk. infact! her first word was planet!
modern!ellie who was unfortunately in the foster care system until she was adopted by the lovely man we all know as joel miller!!
modern!ellie whose username on all platforms is more likely to be something stupid than her actual name.
modern!ellie who refuses to turn on auto correct even though she so desperately needs it.
modern!ellie never cooks. ever! it’s either take-out or you forcing a homemade meal down her throat. (she doesn’t mind.)
modern!ellie who cuddles you like you’re married!
modern!ellie doesn’t play about her video game!!!! she will throw a tantrum!
modern!ellie’s playlist consists of hard rock, indie and atleast some rap.
modern!ellie who just shows up at your house?? at let’s herself in!!! the disrespect.. (you don’t care..)
imagine you come home from a long, stressed-filled day. juggling work and exam week AND the weight of being the baddest bitch on campus has really been weighing on you lately; causing you to (as she calls it) neglect ellie..
you walk in, shoulders slumped and release a heavy sigh as you drop your things down on the kitchen table when your bestfriend walks out of your bathroom like nothing.
“hello?” you say, your face morphing from scared to un-impressed as you realize the person in your home was not an intruder.
“hey babe” she says quietly as she walks over to you, slowly watching you as you put your things away.
“how many times have i told you. the extra key i gave you is for emergencies.” you lecture. not really caring as much as you led on to be.
“there was an emergency though!” she argues. you give her a look of scepticism. “and what would that be?” you roll your eyes.
“we haven’t hung out in three days! hello?! i’ve barely seen you since monday!” she whines.
“i’ve been busy, that’s all.”
“busy?”
“yeah.” you whisper, palming your eyes out of fatigue. she gives you a half smile as she realizes that you’re not in the mood for her god awful attitude.
“awh, ‘cmere” the next thing you know your letting yourself relax into ellie’s arms as she rubs your back and gently soothes the tension in your body.
“you wanna go lay down?” she looks down at you and asks. hee voice remaining in the same low whisper as before.
“yeah, please.” you say before she grabs your hand and pulls you into your bedroom. she insists on making you feel better at this point and who are you to stop her??
she opens your pajama drawer and pulls out a big baggy shirt and some shorts, “put these on.” she says as she walks around the bed to the night table, switching the lamp on and peeling back the blanket.
she somehow managed to keep her eyes to herself and when your done she carefully slides into bed next to you. “you comfy?” she asks.
“im good.” god you can already feel your eyes closing. ellie slowly pulls you into her arms and rubs small circles on your stomach as she lulls you into tranquility. eventually you both fall asleep; what seemed to be the weight of the world lifting of your shoulders.
for now.
modern!ellie who had a crusty white dog but it went missing and she never saw it again.
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