#i wish i had drawn more but alas. this year has been a Bitch

[novadraws]

art vs artist 2023 (ft. my first ever cosplay!) ✨

[terubakudan]

My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness by Nagata Kabi - Book Review and Impressions

(light reflection) Perfect :D Hoping Tumblr doesn't flag me for this xD

Ok, I'm going to start this off with 'this is probably the first and only book review I'm going to do' xD Because I rarely do read books now, and just as rarely buy them. Also, I would have preferred to buy the English version but alas they only had the Chinese version in stock ^^"

Stumbling upon this on the Internet, I was immediately compelled to buy this, as if I knew I would love it and that Nagata's story would resonate with me.

【Short Version】 I can't recommend this book enough, it doesn't matter what sexuality you are or from what culture are you. Nagata makes sure to tell an honest and 'naked' (without embellishments) portrait of her own personal experiences. How she herself is a college drop-out (having only graduated from high school), pushed herself to live/work while struggling with depression and eating disorders, not being sure of what she wants and feeling that she doesn't 'deserve' things, realizing her own sexuality in that she likes girls, and just not feeling 'good enough'...all through her cutesy and unassuming art style.

I will say again though, cutesy art style aside, the book deals with some very heavy topics. Nagata is very honest and doesn't shy away from the gritty details, and I admire her all the more for doing so. Many yaoi and yuri comics often portray an unrealistic and fetishistic view of the LGBTQ+ community whereas Nagata's story is much more grounded and sincere. This is not an easy read, but it's not an overly depressive one either. Nagata literally struggled for years with her mental health, but ultimately found light on the other side. Not mainly through the help of others, but through her own choice to forgive and love herself.

5/5⭐ Definitely recommend and would read again. And if I could, I'd give Nagata a big hug and a heartfelt 'thank you' for sharing her story.

【Long Version】 While it's written primarily from an Asian (particularly Japanese) perspective, Nagata's experiences are ones that should resonate with anyone who has been through the same or similar things, regardless of one's personal background. And I myself, while being fortunate enough to not have gone through eating disorders or self harm, am no exception.

I grew up in an Asian (Taiwanese/Chinese Filipino) household, while my parents weren't Tiger Parents (no offense but fuck Amy Chua for thinking that's a proper way of raising your children), they still had certain expectations on their children: to find a good husband/wife, have a good education, have a 'stable' career, etc. And while I love my parents very much, I'd be lying if I said there weren't any times where I felt they were smothering me, there weren't any times where they kept on nagging and bugging me for very trivial details. My biggest pet peeve: guilt-tripping me just for wanting to spend time alone.

"For me, my parents' opinion of me is absolute." (NOTE: While I won't be providing exact translations of the excerpts I used here, I'll do my best to summarize the gist of them.)

At the same time, I cared very much about their opinion of me. I made it a point to do well in school, to do things according to their wishes, and just like Nagata, I didn't know what I wanted. This even extended to caring about others' opinion of me, more than my own. In my freshman year of college, I 'went along' with being friends with someone, who while was nice to me, turned out to be a manipulative bitch skilled in passive-aggressiveness xD Being half-Taiwanese/half-Filipino, it was hard to fit in since people always treated me differently, it didn't occur to me I could be choosy with friends, I thought as long as they were 'nice' to me, that would do.

Asian culture is largely a collective one, where we define ourselves by our relationships with others, compared with Western culture (primarily America, I'll be using America as a reference point) where individualism is absolute, where you define yourself as you like. In Asia, it's also normal for children to still live in the same house as their parents well into adulthood, compared with Americans who are expected to move out the house once they finish high school or start college, and they're quite literally 'on their own', having to pay their own tuition, rent, etc. Where I live (Taiwan), it's normal for adults to continue relying on their parents financially well until college. Nagata for instance, while saying her parents really make her feel so pressured, is grateful that she still had a home to stay in (and she's 28!).

If you ask me though, neither a collectivist culture or an individualist culture is absolutely good nor bad. Each have their own pros and cons, and both Asian culture and Western culture could learn a thing or two from each other.

After going through quite a few job applications, one of the interviewers tells her "Ganbatte!" (You can do it!) after Nagata tells her what she really wants is to be a manga artist.

And sometimes that's all we need really, a small gesture or kind remark can do wonders. Even if there's no base or reason for it, it's something worth believing in.

I often have doubts if I'm doing what I really want, if I chose the right major for college, if I'm doing the right thing, if I'm 'good enough'. I didn't grow up with much self-esteem as a kid, and often derived my value from others. But even at my lowest times, a 'you're doing ok' was very reassuring to me, be it from family, strangers, or people I care about. Sometimes that's exactly what we need, it may be small but it could be the difference between continuing to wallow in depression or re-evaluating and choosing to be better to oneself.

I find it's really important to know, that however alone you may feel sometimes, there are other people out there going through the exact same thing. It's something universal, and while a lot of things are really unfair in life, each person has their own lot or burden to deal with. I have a Taiwanese friend who, while being more financially well-off than me, has terrible parents. And I mean parents who are quite so literally toxic, unsupportive of her, and would outright say the worst things to their own daughter.

How depression and anxiety can feel sometimes, we can literally feel like it's impossible to breathe and be in a state of disconnection from the world.

"The sounds that invaded my ears occupied my empty brain, making me unable to think at all."

If you only did what your parents asked you to do, wouldn't days like those be very painful? In the end, only you can understand what you really want.

Nagata's art style is one I would describe as simple, cute, and effective. I personally think had her story been drawn in a more serious style, it would have been even harder to read, much less finish. It's also a choice that has artistic appeal to me, serious subject matter juxtaposed with a 'kawaii' art style.

Nagata also depicts very well her mental state and thoughts throughout her struggle and journey to self-actualization. Depression is a really tough thing to deal with, and sometimes we don't even realize that we have it or if we do, refuse to acknowledge it. In Asian cultures especially, mental health has always been something of a taboo subject and there is a very heavy social stigma associated with it. Nagata herself even said that her parents seemingly refused to acknowledge that their daughter's mental health was in a state of distress. In Japan, there is a concept called gaman (我慢), which is described as 'enduring the seemingly unbearable with patience and dignity', and while it is portrayed as an ideal virtue that inspires perseverance, it can be a source of heavy pressure for others. Gaman also means that you are expected to suppress whatever emotion or negative feelings you have, often for the sake of others and no matter how tough the situation becomes for you. And while I agree that through gaman you can become more selfless for others, it shouldn't have to come at the expense of your own well-being.

I was quite fortunate to have grown up in a more liberal Asian household, but even when it came to mental health, our family also adopted the same kind of attitude towards it, by carrying on as if nothing was wrong, or just not talking about it. And to be honest, there were numerous times I wished we had been more open about what was bothering ourselves at that time. Talking and being open about your feelings is not a 'weakness' but something incredibly brave to do, and it's my wish for that to slowly become more acceptable in Asian cultures, which I know is kind of a stretch, but it doesn't hurt to hope.

Nagata makes the decision to clean herself up, by taking a bath everyday, habitually exercising, and no longer wearing worn-out clothes.

Depression especially can be a bitch. It deprives you even of your physiological needs, like your need for food. Nagata had to struggle with that on top of eating disorders for a long ten years. She ate so little and even felt that she didn't 'deserve' to eat, and at one point, anorexia became hyperphagia, and she would feel so guilty for eating almost expired/expired food. Things that would otherwise be simple to do also end up becoming difficult/impossible to do, like taking care of your personal hygiene, getting up from bed, doing simple tasks etc.

Thankfully, after Nagata realizes that she never truly 'valued herself', she starts to turn over a new leaf. Even just starting with cleaning herself up, she takes this as a form of 'valuing oneself' and her mood starts to improve, which her family also points out. In the end, taking care of yourself is not a selfish thing to do, it can even make you a better person who is there for others.

Nagata meets up with the female escort she hired, as a means to experience human sexuality, which she had always repressed her curiosity for and treated as a taboo subject. (NOTE: And I'm glad that she met a really nice girl for her first time too!)

Sex and sexuality is also a subject that I feel is hard to talk about sometimes, which I think also owes itself to most Asian cultures being relatively conservative about it. I myself have only recently identified as bisexual, which I attribute to internalized homophobia, not wanting to admit I was into girls too. And to be honest, 'coming out' is something I'm still uncomfortable about, because I don't want to risk my relationship with my family and it's still something I would choose to be selective about with colleagues and friends. I'm grateful though that as crazy the Internet can be sometimes, it can be quite accepting and tolerant towards things that we wouldn't otherwise discuss with even the closest people in our circle. Nagata's memoir ended up capturing the hearts of many readers ever since she first published it on Pixiv.

Exploring your sexuality doesn't have to be scary, it should be something exciting and liberating. Nagata decided to take matters into her own hands, and while the days leading up to the encounter made her really nervous and she even considered not going through with it at all, she willed herself to continue, because she wanted to do this for herself, it would be pointless if she gave up after coming so far in her decision to value herself.

And it's these series of actions that she decided to do that ultimately led to her life turning out for the better, it gave her the courage to do what she always wanted: to be a manga artist, which lead to the publishing of this autobiographical memoir, something she wanted to create that would 'make people want to buy this book' and from her own preference for reading stories that 'speak of secrets people wouldn't want to tell others'.

Nagata mentions what she calls 'honey': something that varies from person to person. It could be your reason for living, that thing that drives/pushes you, or even your sense of belonging. It may not be something permanent, but you can always find yourself a new one. (she mentions the last time she had her 'honey' was during her high school days, and while she has grown apart from the friends she made, she has found her new 'honey' in the form of being a full-time manga artist.)

Nagata stumbles and trips a lot on her way to being a better version of herself, but who doesn't? She admits to things not necessarily being smooth, but at least she's doing better than before. And it's that decision to at least try that counts. We don't have to be perfect, we're all human after all.

TL;DR My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness is a honest, down-to-earth, and ultimately hopeful memoir about the struggles of mental health and learning about one's sexuality. It's an amazing book, and very much worth the buy.

A big thank you if you read through all of this too. I know it's a mess and writing isn't exactly my strong point, but hopefully I've convinced some people out there to give this book a read! Please feel free to share your thoughts and I'd appreciate it very much too if you reblog/like this post.

[purplesurveys]

254

What type of movies do you get into the easiest? I’d be drawn to anything as long as it isn’t a western, comedy, fantasy, or overwhelmingly crime.

If you could learn to play any instrument, what would you pick? Piano. That got away from me.

What is it about a stranger that makes you interested in them? If they speak intelligently, I’d want to know them immediately.

Are you materialistic? Aren’t we all...

Do you think more with your heart, your mind or your body? Sometimes heart, sometimes mind.

What types of things fascinate you? Horror, cultures, pro wrestling.

Do you think it’s all right to completely ruin someone’s life on purpose? If it’s like a pedophile’s or a rapist’s life then yeah totally.

What are your opinions on bullying? I don’t think there’s ever an excuse for it. Even if you say that it’s got something to do with the bully’s personal life, that doesn’t mean they could go right ahead and ruin a smaller kid’s day. I was quite the bully before and even I think that’s bullshit and shouldn’t be a free pass to start being an asshole.

If you were a writer, what type of stuff would you most likely write? News, editorials, similar articles.

Do you have any mental disorders or diseases? I’m positive that I do, but in my almost 20 years of existence I haven’t gotten myself checked. I can’t led my parents find out.

How do you feel upon seeing someone who’s missing an appendage? I get curious about how it happened and want to approach them so they get to tell their story; I don’t judge.

Do you feel you’re more beautiful inside or out? Inside. I do my best to make people happy and feel loved because heaven knows all of us need those these days. I don’t really pay attention as to how I look.

Do you let music move your body, or do you hold back? Hold back, definitely. Even when I’ve had a little to drink - you would never see me letting loose. Dancing just isn’t my thing.

Are you willing to do whatever it takes to have fun? Anything is a huge stretch. I’ll pass.

What is something that is often on your mind (besides specific people)? How worried I am about this semester being that I have four terror profs. One has high standards, one knows her shit, one is a bitch, and the other is a Mega Bitch who embarrasses students. FUN! My mental health is in for a ride. 

What kinds of feelings do your hobbies leave you with? Happiness and comfort.

Why is your favorite store your favorite? I don’t really have a favorite store. I buy from wherever a thing I need could be bought. Do you prefer touch screens to non-touch screens? Touch screen. It’d be refreshing to get to use a phone with buttons though.

Can you handle the stress of working in food/customer service? I’d never need to, as I’m an intelligent person who likes to have a real job. < Yeesh. My dad is an executive sous chef and is one of the most intelligent people I know. And it is most definitely a real job; he showed me around his office(s) when he brought me to the cruise ship he works in. Don’t discriminate and don’t invalidate. Anyway, while I realize that there are people who still think like this, I probably couldn’t. Mad respect to them for handling hundreds of entitled, screaming, angry customers every day.

Are you ever rude to people on purpose? If they’re rude to me first then I have the right to be rude back. But normally, no.

Can you feel the rush of energy a band brings when playing live? Oh my god YES. BRING ME TO PARAMORE PART II.

How do you feel when you’re around a lot of people you don’t know? Nervous. I always make it a point to be around a familiar crowd, because my anxiety could always pop up at any second. 

Do you pick up on the feelings of others easily? Very. I’m super sensitive when it comes to that.

Would you let your child have a pet? Not their own, but yes I would want both a kid and a big dog.

Where were you raised and what’s it like? For the first quarter of my life I was raised in Tondo, which was the most liberating and stress-free time I’ve had since I was basically a kid of the streets. It made it easier to blend in and understand the jologs culture (Google it) while the rest of my upper-middle class friends are grossed out by it. For most of my life though I lived in suburban neighborhoods in Antipolo and it was mainly quiet, isolated, and boring.

Is there a reason behind your name? My parents say I was named after the singer Robyn, but they occasionally change their answer when I ask where my name came from. Until now, I’ve never gotten to the truth.

Are you in love and if so, for how long? Yes. Five years.

How many times have you thought you were in love? I’ve only decided that I was once, and it is the same one I have now.

How did you know you were in love? I knew I wanted to be with her for a very, very long time. I felt comfort with her presence. That’s simply it.

Have you done drugs and if so, which was the best? Never.

Do you recycle, or do you feel guilty about not recycling? Sure. I segregate more often, though.

Have you ever been sexually educated? Nope. Had to piece it together all by myself when I was around 11. That’s how it works in the Philippines.

Did you attend public or private school? The education system works different here, but just to answer the question I went to private school all my life. My university is public, though.

Are you an only child or do you have siblings? I have two siblings, both younger.

What age did you lose your virginity? 18.

What will your life be like in twenty years? Hopefully financially stable. And with a kid. Or kids.

Have you ever offended a celebrity? Yeah. CM Punk has me blocked. Understandably so, though; I was a little prick of a fangirl at the time.

Would you marry someone if you thought their parents were insane? It would be a problem but I don’t think it’d lessen or tarnish what I felt for my partner. Thankfully I don’t have to face this because my girlfriend’s parents are the kindest, sweetest people.

Have you ever been at home and wondered where everyone went? No, but I’ve woken up* and thought the same thing.

Did you know grape juice and baking soda can be used as invisible ink? Cool. I’ll keep that in mind if the need to use invisible ink rises.

Is it fun to be mean to little kids? It’s always good fun to tease them, but I could never be mean to one–unless they’re a huge asshole at like 5 (which happens a whole lot.) My mother has been continually mean to me all my life and I remember every single crappy thing she did when I was a kid myself.

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher so you could be mean to little kids? No, that’s the worst. But some teachers are so disgustingly mean that this question is making me think that they applied to be a teacher solely so that they had the space to be like what they are. Hi, Ms. Belen, Sir Ruel, and Sir Johnny!

Have you ever been embarrassed to discuss something with a doctor? A little. I had a hickey on my belly the day of my medical exam, and when she was checking my bare torso she saw it and tapped on it and asked me what it was. I was flustered and said I didn’t know before insisting I was fine then she moved on. My dad was waiting outside so he couldn’t find out lmao.

Do you enjoy talking to people over webcam? No, because the Internet connection here is a huge hassle.

Is there a video game that you have beaten everyone you challenged at? Nope, I don’t play video games to beat people; mostly just to roam around in open world games, really.

Would you ever push someone into the middle of the street? I don’t think I would have the balls to.

Are you desperate for things to change? No.

Do you talk to people about your problems? Just my girlfriend, and sometimes Angela.

Have you ever become unconscious? Welp other than sleeping, I’ve fainted a few times before due to hunger.

Do you hate being the first person to start a conversation? Sometimes.

Would you rather die or eat another human being? I think I’d much rather die than having to resort to cannibalism. In any situation.

Do you think people who say that they ‘don’t have regrets’ are telling a lie? I always say I don’t have regrets and my reasoning for it is that the now-wrong thing I did or had was what I wanted at the time, and I’m not gonna invalidate what I wanted before. Yes, I’ve had stupid decisions, but I don’t like the idea of taking them away from me by regretting them. And I don’t lie about this, so... that’s your answer.

How many cups of coffee do you have to drink to totally become hyper? Not sure. I don’t drink coffee to be hyper.

Do you ever get hyper off of sugar? I don’t think that has ever happened, no.

Would you ever become a psychologist? How about a psychiatrist? I wish. I wanted to and still want to take up BS Psych and work in that field, but alas I’m stuck somewhere else.

Do you know what the difference between a psychiatrist and psychologist is? I do.

Does/did the last person you text messaged go to the same school as you? Nope, she studies like two cities away.

Is there anything worrying you? Right now I just want my phone to be as alive and USEFUL while I wait for my dad to come home and lend me his iPhone because that’s how most people contact me. Mine is practically useless and dies after using for like 20 minutes.

If so, have you talked to anyone about it? Yeah I told my dad about it, said I had to wait 14 more days before he gets back and deals with it.

What colour are the eyes of the last person you held hands with? Dark brown.

Is it possible to be “just friends” with someone you have feelings for? Yes, if you haven’t admitted it at all. Not so much, if you’ve admitted and they’ve said they don’t feel the same.

Is there someone of the opposite sex that you can talk to about anything? No. 

Are you looking forward to anything? YESSSSS. There’s a vegan place on campus now and I plan to try it later and I’m way too excited for it.

Should you be doing something else right now? Eating breakfast and getting ready for school.

Is it important to be on a similar intelligence level as the person you’re with? That is very important to me, yes.

What’s your favorite Ben & Jerry’s flavor? I’ve never tried Ben & Jerry as it’s ridiculously expensive here, where B&J is seen as one of the snootier imported brands. It’s like 575 pesos for a small ass pint. That’s $11 for something I can finish in one sitting, and believe me that’s overpriced in the Philippines. I’d much rather buy the local 1.5L tub of cookies and cream ice cream for P245/$5.

What do you really watch on TV in the middle of the night? I don’t even watch TV during the day.

What’s your favorite song to sing in the shower? I don’t sing in the shower.

Have you ever had your phone taken away at school? No. I never brought it at least until the latter months of the school year when the teachers stop caring, since surprise inspections are a thing in my old school.

How old were you the first time you dyed your hair? I’ve never done it.

What do your slippers look like? I don’t use slippers around the house. I never got use to it as I didn’t grow up doing it.

Do you think your ex still wants to be with you? She did. Now she is with me.

Where were you two hours ago? I was in bed, sleeping.

Has anyone ever cried in your arms? Yes.

What was the last thing you randomly decided to buy on the spur of the moment? I reeeeeally try to avoid impulse shopping now, hahaha. It’s worked so far, since I can’t give you an answer to this question.

Do you get along with your best friend’s parents? Yes, I love both Angela’s and Gabie’s parents :(

What’s the closest thing to you that’s blue? My school bag.

Are there any foods that you love but can’t eat, for any reason? Thankfully nope.

Are you hiding something from someone at the moment? No.

What flavor was the last ice cream you ate? Cookies and cream.

Have you ever told anyone that you never wanted to lose them? Yeah along the lines of that. Then Sofie faded out of my life. Then Gabie was away from the picture for a while. Shit happens, and that’s okay.

First name of the last person to text you? Gabie.

What are your plans for the weekend? Drown in readings for my Tuesday class.

[shazyloren]

The Dragon Club: Chapter 4 - Wine and Dine

Summary:  Jon Snow is an online blogger who gets an interview with the sort after Daenerys Targaryen, the Editor of Valyrian, a multi-million dollar fashion magazine. He'd heard so much about the silver-haired and silver-tongued woman and he running of her business; he would have to be smart to get anything more than five minutes. Will he be safe walking into the Dragon's lair or will he get thrown to the Lions?

Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12018519/chapters/27290892

------

Daenerys glared at the TV as E! News reported the sensational news of Jon Snow's blog. It was two days after their fiasco interview and Dany woke up seething after receiving phone call after phone call from news outlets wanting her comments as had phoned Missandei (who was back at work and healthy) to cancel her meeting that day and that she was going to work from home on editing the March issue of Valyrian (February's was coming out in two weeks so she needed this one in the back by the end of the week). But she couldn't concentrate as she received a message from her brother telling her to turn the tv on.

"Sensational news coming out of Valyrian magazine today as respected Journalist, Jon Snow, releases a candid and honest report of meeting Editor-in-chief and owned Daenerys Targaryen. It comes just a week after the scandal of former employee Doreah's reports that the multi-millionaire owner is an 'evil piece of work'. The following reports contains flash photography..."

Dany grinned her teeth as she seethed at the TV.

'A Hot Head at best, vindictive at worst; Daenerys Targaryen's attitude to simple questions over the scandal that rocked her magazine is to dodge furiously and lash out as her volatile nature supersedes her ability to talk like a normal adult'  The Journalist said as he wrote a 2000 word essay on his impressions of the Editor-in-chief. It wasn't all bad for the 26 year old however, there were high praise for her love of fashion that says she claims comes from her mother, Rhaella, who is seen with her here at Elton John's New Year's eve bash last month. He also says she has a fine taste in literature, which can be seen by her extensive knowledge on Chaucer..."

Daenerys turned the TV off immediately. She'd been told by Missandei that his blog was the number 1 trend on twitter currently and he was receiving praise for his piece from critics. 'Hot head at best' he'd said of her; he had been very rude of her which she had expected; just not like that.  She wasn't a bad person; and Doreah was not her fault; she had just lashed out at the wrong time and now Valyrian was going to pay for it. There would be boycotts from people buying her magazine.

"Stupid Bastard" She grumbled as she threw all her paperwork on the floor in anger. "I'm not a horrible person, I'm not a Horrible person"

She suddenly found herself trapped; wishing she was allowed out of her home into the open world. She wanted to breath in the cool January air, she feel the breeze as it rolled over her skin, not to feel the papers and books of her work or look at the workings of people's articles on her computer screen. She sighed, it's no use. She just sunk back into her desk chair and began to pick up the papers which she had thrown down.

Throwing herself into her work; it wasn't until her cleaner and cook let themselves in a 17:00pm that she realised she needed to get ready for her dinner guest that would be arriving soon. She closes down her files and tidies the papers on her desk. She nodded to her helping hands and retreats to her beauty closet to get ready for the company that will be joining her. She stares at the dresses and fabrics in front of her; Wang, Versace, Chanel, McQueen, Chloe and many more. She can't help but be drawn to a white number which was a custom made dress her mother made for her many years ago.

"You're the one" She whispered as she began to change; her pale milk like skin revealed from underneath her jumper and trousers she'd been wearing for the day. She took the white dress out and smile. A figure hugging bardot topped dress which had a fashionable cape added. It had a slit up to the thigh in the left side which when paired with silver strappy heels meant she looked a lot taller than she actually was. Getting into the dress and calling her cleaner in to help zip it up at the back she fashioned it with a dragon choker.

She heard the doorbell ring then and after putting her hair into a fashionable ponytail; she walked to the apartment entrance where her five guests were waiting already, her eye catching that of her assistant Missandei who looked like she'd got changed in her car from running the office for a day. A low whistle sounded out from one of them. "Hello all"

"Thank you for having our company once again Daenerys"

"It is my pleasure, Sir Tyrion" She smirks as she pokes at her guests recent knighthood from the Queen of England. "Dinner will be ready soon, please come into the guest lounge where we'll have some win"

Dany often thought of her life three years previous. When she'd spoke of her wish to leave her father's company and start her own fashion magazine he'd thrown her out of their house with £2000 only and two bags of clothes. She only could have the internet on her phone from wifi spots in Cafe's so she started an online blog called 'Valyrian' but laid it all out like a magazine and when people came into the cafe's she'd tell them about the site and got people interested. She soon got ads on her site and within the first year she had a backer willing to invest in a printed version of her site. And that had been Tyrion Lannister, Sir Tyrion.

"It's been a bit of a strange day for you I could imagine" He commented as they entered the Lounge, a large smile present on his face. "Hot-headed at best and Vindictive at worst, what did you do to the poor man?"

"Didn't give him the information he wanted" She commented back, immediately going for the wine that her cook had laid out for them. "A rather inquisitive soul; a love of classic literature. I thought the interview was going well and then the issue of Doreah came up. I panicked and threw him out"

"A shame, one would have thought you'd have learnt to keep a cool head by now but alas you are your father's daughter" Varys spoke to her. He'd been apart of her father's business for 10 years as his right hand man but had recently fallen out with him. So now he runs communications in Daenerys' instead. Another reason her father despises her.

"I am not my father" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"And thank god" He laughed as he too sipped the wine.

"If it had been me; I'd have locked the door and told him he wasn't allowed to leave until he promised to write a fluff piece" Daario, her friend of 2 years spoke. She'd met him while working in the Coffee shops, he'd been an aspiring weightlifter and now worked the nightshift of security while Jorah, who was drinking the wine quicker than he could pour it on the sofa, did the days. Daario had always had a thing for Daenerys and three or four times they'd ended up in bed together but for her it had been nothing more than a fling.

"And what would that have accomplished? Jon Snow is a well respected Journalist he'd have just told the world she tried to coerce him into lying and her reputation would've suffered even more" Tyrion was a very intelligent man, and he nearly always had a solution for when things went pear shaped. "You need to be smarter than him"

"Do you propose something?" Daenerys was intrigued.

"Twitter was flooded with opinions and mislead comments about this article, you need to get on social media. Make a twitter and ann instagram. People need to see you as a person who is human and not a cold hearted bitch you've been portrayed as in the papers. Yes you have a temper on you; but it does not come out often"

Daenerys blinked. She'd never bothered with social media herself. She'd keep an eye on competitors and used it in that sense, but her own account? "I am unsure about this,  Tyrion. If I do this now; people will know it's a direct response to his article!"

"Good; people will realise that you've gone to great lengths to actually go about doing something. They'll become intrigues in you and your magazine and the prints will increase once again. Let's do it now while we're flowing on wine as to not lose our coverage, where's your tablet?"

And so for the next thirty minutes until dinner was served all six of them, Daenerys, Tyrion, Daario, Missandei, Varys and Jorah argued over what to put on her account as handles and display pictures. There was a lot of back and forth but after much disagreement Daenerys decided to name her account 'The Dragon Club'. "The Dragon Club? You mean the horrible name you tried to give this dinner us six have once a week?"

"It's not a horrible name; it's good" Daenerys retorted as she finally signed up to twitter and Instagram. "Now what do you propose I do? I don't take photos, I'm not particularly funny. This was a horrible idea!"

"You are very dry, Daenerys. Tweet the journalist; if he's on there" Daario suggested and for once Tyrion agreed with him. "Be nice obviously, but follow me first"

Daenerys followed her own company and then followed the five guests in the room who were online (Jorah didn't bother). She then searched for Jon's account and saw the last thing he tweeted 'Thank you for the positive feedback on this article, it's good to report honest subject matter'. She mentally found herself getting fired up again and she didn't think she could contain it as she stared at his words on her tablet screen. But taking a deep breath she replied to his tweet. 'No legacy is so rich as honesty'.

It was at this that she was interrupted by her cook to say dinner was served. Her mind was all on talking to her guests about their lives; Missandei had just moved in with her boyfriend Jacob, also known to most as indie singer Greyworm. Tyrion had recently lost his wife Shae and was talking of how her parents had come to Tyrion with some of her stuff they wanted him to have. Varys had received an invite from Dany's brother Rhaegar for Elia's 40th birthday party next week and Jorah's niece had made him wear fairy wings at her 11th birthday party. They were all getting along swimmingly and it wasn't until they moved from the dining room back into the guest lounge that she saw lots of notifications on her phone. She'd have to turn them off later.

Checking to see all the fuss, she saw Jon had replied to her and followed. 'Shakespeare' was all he'd said. But it was still enough to make Daenerys smile.

Perhaps she may be able to sway him round.

[seaselkie]

Tagged

Bold the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE:

I am 5′7″ or taller I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo (I wish! I know what I’d get, too but alas - I have a big needle problem) I have at least one piercing (ears) I have blonde hair (slowly going darker) I have brown eyes I have short(ish) hair My abs are at least somewhat defined somewhat I have or have had braces (9 years of the suckers...) There is something I would change about the way I look

PERSONALITY:

My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor Hufflepuff Ravenclaw Slytherin I am an introvert I like meeting new people (they’re okay in small doses Honestly, loneliness is sort of a foreign concept to me; I’d rather be alone) People tell me that I’m funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me (If I can, then I try) I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well (My Dad and I especially. He calls me a sarcastic bitch, so that qualifies, right?) I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it (So much!) There is something I would change about my personality (I honestly don’t know about this. Maybe? But then...would I still be me?)

ABILITY:

I can sing well (semi decently, at least, I like to think, haha) I can play an instrument (I take it playing a harmonica out of tune doesn’t count? No? No.) I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well (I can say this with a solid amount of faith) I have a good memory (Highly depends. Sometimes my brain is a sieve. But it also retains a lot of useless junk I’ll never need that I read in passing several years ago) I’m good at doing math in my head (ahahaha. not nearly) I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch (yes. Since knowing how and actually succeeding are two different things) I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports (Horse riding counts here, right? Or lax I suppose) I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week (Moana soundtrack on repeat will do that to you) I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing Fandoms are my #1 passion I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss (Technically yes, but it doesn’t count, so no) I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game (Nope, but this brings up a hilarious story of someone who did back in school. It was a lax match and the goal was entirely accidental) I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting (who hasn’t?) I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year (not for me. I make it a point to stay far away) I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country (a few years in Jordan and holidays in Denmark, Finland, Germany and France) I have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts (Don’t really have a favourite band, and I also make it a point to stay away from crowds)

RELATIONSHIP:

I’m in a relationship I have a celebrity crush (This is where I’m weird. I find certain traits and certain people attractive or appealing, but that’s sort of disassociated from ‘crushing’ in my brain. Trying to explain it is tricky). I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily (Nope. I’m 25 and I think I’ve had exactly...2? 1 was a precocious thing when I was around 9. 1 was a celebrity thing when I was maybe 13 that literally extended to ‘he’s cute’...nothing sticks out after that) I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school (what is close? How long is a piece of string?) My parents are still together I have at least one sibling (Even if I don’t anymore, I’ll always have at least one sibling) I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month (it probably doesn’t count to hang out with a work colleague at work) I have a smartphone (android) I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone (A whole heap of books, a handful of snowglobes, two lanterns and a bunch of plushes including a red panda, orca and hippo. No people)

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair (well, stained it red. Nothing more permanent) I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail (one of my school teachers, actually, which asks some interesting questions) I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life (whether I manage it is a separate issue) I speak at least 2 languages fluently I have made a new friend in the past year

[2gameprince]

Killer

"His first victim, he cut out all of the man's intestines, diced them into four pieces and tied one to each one, which he used to hang the man from his apartment ceiling lamp, resembling a puppet. All of the man's teeth were removed, and placed in the formation of a smiley face beneath his dangling body. His second victim, he placed the man's severed genitals into his mouth, sewed it shut, then stuffed his severed head up into the man's torso, which was then, also, sewed shut. His thumbs had been severed and shoved into his eye sockets. His third victim, the man's brain and stomach were removed, swapped and stabbed repeatedly. Thirteen knives were sticking out of his chest when he was found, and his limbs had been severed and swapped as well. Legs where his arms should be, arms where his legs should be. His ears were swapped and sewn as well. And with this trilogy of terror, the maniacal killing spree of America's most elusive murderer has only spiraled further and further out of control." The papers were writing about me again. It isn't like I don't enjoy the exposure, but when I start to get noticed, that's usually around the time I have to pick up everything and relocate. To avoid capture, of course. So many years. So many faces, come and gone. Jane, Dan, Ronnie, Sam, Henry, Dick, Matty, Frank, Sandra, Joe, Eric, Bart, Leo... and those are just the few I have rotting at the bottom of the Hudson River. God knows how many more I've killed. I try to keep a grip on things. And out of respect for the deceased I do try to remember each and every one of them. What I do is not a service. I do not do it to help anyone or to push ulterior motives. I kill simply because it is fun and, given the right circumstances, can be pushed to unfathomable lengths. The key to existing as a killer of my magnitude lies in the ability to be unseen by all. To go unnoticed, under the radar of people you interact with every day. That's what I had told old Detective Connor a few months back. Right before that poison I slipped him took effect. Believe me, I had no ill will toward the detective. But alas, he attempted to apprehend me. Which, of course, is something I can't tolerate. Things like that you don't duck around with. Playing on the fantasy of being apprehended is exactly what gets you apprehended. Throughout this "career" of mine I have met others like me. Each with their own motives. A few that have even tried to take my head. Apart from the psychopaths, I find most of them to be pleasant-enough people. More men than women, though. Once I had walked into the middle of a wide-open cemetery. I had brought my nineteen-eleven with my silencer. I was at a low point after this break up. This was many years back. I walked up and down the isles and when I came across a single person looming over a grave, well, I shot them. Took out six people that day. And no one had noticed. Not a gunshot was heard, and anyone nearby just assumed the lifeless bodies were over-dramatic folk groveling in the grass. I would say It was almost poetic, but I'm not very good at making metaphors for stuff like that. Best not to assume a position on something I know nothing about and be proven wrong. Now if there’s one thing that gets my stomach turning, it’s when someone kills a poor homeless guy. like they don’t already have it bad enough. To me that’s just rude. I used to know this guy, Derek Starch. He loved killing hobos and vegetables. Sick fuck. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Even had a few drinks with him. It didn’t take long before I paralyzed and hung the fucker from his trailer. Sure he looked up to me, but how was I supposed to associate myself with someone of that… caliber? He had already killed twelve people by the time I had met him. He worked at an old folks home. Clever bastard. I doubt the law would’ve caught up to him until he had about ten more bodies under his belt. So, I cut his career short. We’re all better off for it too. Now, on the subject of my childhood. If I had to guess, I’d say I started killing at age eleven. grown ups, surprisingly. Never fellow children or animals. At least to me, that’s sick. The elderly or crippled I will also spare. It’s this sort of mutual feeling of hardship which allows me to differentiate between those deserving of death and those that have just fallen on hard times. In a perfect world what I am doing is a grand service. That’s how it would appear. But, I do not care. maybe once or twice I’ll slip and help the greater good. Kill a mugger, shoot a rapist, gut a pedophile. But at no point do these acts take away from the fact that I kill who I want, when I want. And in which ever way I want, as well. I stay off of social media. That shit rots your mind. I can’t imagine spending my precious hours typing away on a phone or keyboard, bitching and moaning to a world that doesn’t care. What we do out here, pinned up against flesh and blood. This killing. This is real. More real than any point of view held on some bullshit social media account. Or maybe I just don’t understand what makes it all so fascinating. I do like to believe I am living out of the shroud of corruption and corporate mind-numbing tactics. but, what if my “condition” is a negative effect of me rejecting that brainwashing? Now that’s heavy. never the less, I go about my daily activities with glee. In these parts I am a sales man. these parts being Colorado. Before here I was a mechanic in Iowa and an underground medical doctor in Arizona. I’d say that in Iowa I killed roughly twenty-four people. Give or take. A gang member here or there. An ex-coworker. The usual batch. But when I hit Arizona, oh boy. It was a Neo-Nazi open season. That was the best two years of my life. I must of cut up twenty of those poor bastards. I left them all in pieces across the desert. Even left some of them in Nevada. Sometimes I’d mail their heads to their little ‘daytime meeting groups’. It was funny watching them scatter, going to war with biker gangs that they thought had committed the killings. It escalated quickly. After a while there weren’t many of em’ to kill anymore. All that massacring got me tuckered out. So I left a good while after the nazis’ and the bikers’ numbers began to dwindle. I’ll say it again. I didn’t do it for the greater good. I did it cause I felt like it. I did kill an innocent mailman. No. Two actually. Yeah. But they were on an off-day. Just to get my jollies up. Okay, so one of them was sleeping which this guys wife. So what? I did them all a favor. I guess sometimes I’m just drawn to the pitiable. I can’t help it. I run on fun. Fun and instinct. I am pleased to say that my age has brought with it a solemn lessening to my violence toward those I do kill. As the papers say, I was quite the Jackson Pollock in my youth. Every few years I change up my tactics and my style of slay. This has put me in the running of a position with not many “in-the-loop” killers get. See, there are those killers who go about their deeds completely ignorant to the fact that if you look hard enough, there is a whole anti-nation of folks just like me. An unspoken society of a murderous population that keeps the world in balance, when we can help it. Now, among this ‘under-nation’ there is a singular goal that most murderers in my shoes wish to achieve some day. This is gaining the statues of a mass murderer. To reach the point where you have literally wiped out a whole state’s populous in your lifetime. There’s online communities dedicated to it, forums, sites, the whole nine yards. Not only that, but with the birth of the new age murderers are recording their kills and uploading it to the web for all to be astonished by. It’s quite amazing. With so many sick people in the world, it’s a wonder this society of the secretly psychotic ever started up in the first place. So this one night I was walking home from the corner-shop back in Idaho. I notice this guy in a hood starts coming up behind me. Now, I’d say I had a pretty good idea of what he was planning to do. Mainly since whenever I would try and shank a nightcrawler, I’d watch my footing and use my location to help trap and kill a target. If I never killed someone in the matter that he was planning on doing me in, I could have been dissolving in a barrel after that. Luckily, as he came up behind me, I maneuvered his hand away and shoved my head into his throat, crushing it in. Well he choked out and made a fuss before finally killing over. Looking down I noticed his knife and a camera, recording his kill. And that was the first time I had ever seen something like that. Traveling for some time, I usually got thrown out of the loop on things like the advancements of computers and phones. Which I frequently pondered about using in my murders. I didn’t really bother to hid his body. Obviously, it was in self-defense. So when the cops came snooping around my trailer early that morning, I was happy to comply. Good thing my kill was caught on a store-front’s camera too. There was no denying I merely protected myself. That was one of the many things I’ve always loved about the south. The laid back nature, above all else. I never expected for my little venture with that night-stalker to go anywhere, but when I was tracked down by some of his “buddies” you could imagine I was quite taken with what I’m gonna tell you next. The kid I killed, Alex, I believe his name was, was the leader of a band of hooded serial killers. They operated as one unit. They would provide alibis for one another when one of them was suspected of their kills. And when one of them fell or was injured, the next in line would take his/her place. It had appeared that Alex remained uncaught for four years since the teens had started up their little project. And I was the one who killed their founder. At first I believed they wanted to kill me. For obvious reasons. But that’s not how things panned out. No, they adored the little bloody number I did on Alex and offered me the chance to guide them. To take up the mantle of their group, “The Duskers” and serve as their functioning sociopathic grandmaster!! Oh, we all had some great times. There were six of them in total. We were unstoppable. We must have killed ten poor souls a month. Mostly bus-people heading in and out of the city. Commuters. Believe me, we were doing them a favor. Nine months I stayed with them. Training them in my personalized art of the kill. And when it came time for me to move on, they were hesitant. Even threatening to kill me if I left. They really didn’t want me to go. So I compromised. I killed each of them in their homes while they slept. Not one o my best moments, but how else was I supposed to get out of that jam? They trusted me enough, and I needed to take to the road again. I won’t ever forget them though. No matter how hard I try. Some time after that I had found myself being tracked by individuals whom I believed to be private investigators. It soon turned out that this group of mercenaries were tailing me. Admiring me. Out of the pan and into the fire, I suppose. Turns out this group had been recording my every kill and identity change for the past six years. Collecting more than enough evidence to put me away for good. They asked me to join their little brigade for a few years or so. I would be paid to do what I was doing now. Killing, only this time, without the fear of capture. This group knew ‘officials’ which kept them out of the public-eye. They weren’t part of that sociopathic-society I had mentioned earlier. These men were old soldiers that blurred the line between vigilante and cold-blooded murderer. I went along for the ride. And in two years I killed myself an estimated one-hundred and fifty four city folk. Most of them with guns and bombs. The group liked to make it seem like we were terrorists. They said it fueled the citizen’s hatred and gave rise to their loyalty to their country. We could kill off all the people we wanted, blame it on foreigners, collect the earnings and at the same time have everyone believing that each mass killing made them stronger as a civilization. Yeah right. As if they could ever pass the racism, greed and class indifference they’d always felt since birth. Change was a miracle. And my time with the ex-dogs of the military showed me that no such thing exists in this world. Not that I cared. It’s 8:17 by the time I hop onto the elevator with Eric. He doesn’t know me at all, but I’ve been observing him for quite some time. Eric is a meek man with a large belly, not much hair and a habit of biting his nails until they bleed. He’s a heavy-set paranoid blob with good reason to be weary cause’ tonight is night I take his life. It didn’t take much effort to decide whether or not I was going to kill him. He works a couple blocks from me, doesn’t have any family and contributes nothing to society, so the way I see it he’s as good as dead anyways. Still, a part of me is going to miss watching him walk down the street in that monkey suit of his, tightening his bowler on that bald head of his. Stalking victims almost fills me with a sort of unspoken connection by the time it comes to finishing them off. Almost like we could have been friends if we’d both been dealt different hands in life. But this is the trail I skip along. With knives hidden on almost every inch of my body, it is my duty to rid the world of undesirables. The world calls my actions “senseless murder” yet if I worked for the CIA I’d be paid heavily to shove knives through men’s throats, or other fun acts. Such a twisted structure of morals we’ve set up here. And such a twisted face Eric now has. I waited until the doors closed to pull out my beautiful stiletto and cut his throat in a mere instant. He was so surprised and spent a few seconds fumbling around the elevator, realizing it was a long way to the top and by then he’d surely bleed out. Now I’m not the sadistic type so I waited until he finally bled out completely before carving his face. Even I admit it’s a rather ghastly sight. looking back at the act it seems almost childish. Makes me feel a little ashamed, realizing my excitement overtook my actions and threw me overboard. No doubt one day I will pass over to a point of complete lunacy. That is how I will fall. By my own hand I will put myself up against unbeatable odds and all my “services” to this world will have been for nothing. If I plan to make the world a better place I have to live to be around for a long long time. And that means killing a whole lot of people which is completely within my grasp. What with the tens of bunches of detectives, fire fighters, businessmen, clerks, homeless people, even a bitchy soccer mom every now and again. The world is better without all the people that don’t play their roles correctly. I’ll find them all one day. Every single last one, and on the day I die the world will look to the skies, declare my name and remember me as the one who moved society forward, the one who controlled the population and the one who allowed the children of tomorrow to live in a world free of ‘clogs’. Until that day I’m a humble janitor at the Cresto Vallu’ French Restaurant and an associate of the SONN Co. Computer Repair, both located in the heart of Manhattan. My jobs aren’t too fulfilling, unlike my off time. I hope you don’t mind if I don’t dwell on them too much. The focus of all my attention is on the people who's lives I take. A new job, a new face. I still go on, as usual.