#fatass alert

[therealtbonetpm]

the idea of cooking together as a date sounds romantic and sweet and everything, but i just don't think i could get passed the primal unbridled rage i feel whenever someone is in the kitchen with me.

[bigification]

How to Deal With Cops

Part 1: Breaking and Entering

Damien slowly stepped through the broken window, responding to a breaking and entering call. He carefully stepped around the shattered glass that was strewn across the floor. His slender build made it easy to sneak around the house without a sound, as he didn't want to alert the criminal to his presence. He turned to the bedroom, where a man wearing a black hoodie was piling jewellery into his backpack.

"Police! Don't move, put your hands behind your back." Damien shouted.

The slowly stood up and raised his hands. Damien approached him and reached to grab his right hand. The man suddenly pulled out a needle from his sleeve and swung it backwards. The needle jabbed into Damien's arm, and the man injected the green liquid before Damien could react.

"Ah fuck!" Damien yelled as he pulled the needle out of his arm.

The man bolted out of the room, making sure his face was obscured the entire time. Damien quickly followed, running through the thin hallways of the house. At first he was catching up, his days running track let him have the jump on most criminals when they tried to run. But it didn't take long for a lethargic feeling to overcome his body. Every step, he felt heavier and heavier. He ran more and more out of breath, until he had to stop.

He stood in the hallway, bent over with his hands on his knees, desperately trying to catch his breath. He looked down at the small belly that was now pushing out his uniform.

"Damn, -huff- I've gotta cut back on those doughnuts, -huff- I think they're starting to catch up to me." Damien whispered to himself as he rubbed his belly. "I'm fine, I've just -huff- gotta sit down for a sec."

Damien stood up straight, and slowly started to make his way back to the bedroom. With every step his belly grew. At first it was barely noticeable under his loose uniform, but it didn't stay that way for long. He soon looked pregnant, with his belly spilling over his waist line. Even his softening pecs started to press against his uniform.

His stride started to widen as he walked. Fat piled into his ass and his thighs, making him spread his legs more and more until his was practically waddling down the hall.

His gut started to widen as the fat started to fill in his love handles, and his moobs grew large enough that the fat started to fill in his armpits. This in combination with his fattening arms, made him hard to spread his arms further and further out from his body.

His sharp jawline sank into a cushion of fat as his double chin connected to his neck. His cheeks fattened, making his face look wider and softer.

His gut continued to grow, threatening to burst through his uniform. The fat started to overhang, only being held up by his tucked in shirt. And as his walk became more and more like a waddle, his gut started to swing back and forth with each step.

After what felt like forever, Damien finally made it to the bedroom. He squeezed through the door frame and flopped his fat ass down onto the bed. He could feel the fat ripple around his body as ripping sounds echoed from multiple parts of his uniform.

He sat back and laid his fat hands on his growing gut. Rubbing it felt nice.

"I think it might be time for a new uniform." He mumbled to himself.

Damien sat there for a few minutes, adjusting to the way his new body felt. The way the rolls sat on his back, and the way his fat pad engulfed his dick. Though, to him nothing had changed, he was still the same old fatass cop that loved doughnuts a little too much. He never ran track, he just threw shot put in high school.

"I should probably report this and get back." He grunted as he heaved himself off the bed.

Part 2: The Office

Damien waddled back to his patrol car and squeezed in. His slid his seat back and sped off back to his precinct.

He walked into the office as if nothing had changed. Confused glares shot from every direction, as no one recognized the man who so confidently strolled in. Though the confusion soon turned to concern as his colleagues realized it was Damien.

"Oh my god man, what happened to you?" One of Damiens work buddies approached him.

"What do you mean?" He responded, oblivious.

"Your... You're so fat."

"Ya and you're so skinny, what about it." Damien brushed him off and made his way to his boss's office. He squeezed through the door and stood over his boss at his desk. His boss slowly looked up, past Damien's hulking gut and up to his face.

"Damien!?" The Boss looked shocked as he pulled his cigar out of his mouth.

"Yes sir, I just came here to-" Damien paused as a loud growl erupted from his stomach. Moments later, he let out a loud burp that echoed through the office. A green gas, similar in color to the liquid he had been injected with, filled the room.

The cloud made it hard to see even a few feet in front of him. All Damien could hear was a series of grunts, then fabric ripping, then a few burps. The cloud soon disappeared through the cigar vent in the corner of the room. This revealed the boss laid back in his chair, smoking his cigar. His massive gut spilling out of his button up and onto his lap. His ass now pushes out the sides of his chair, and his clean shaven face now had a thick white beard covering it.

The boss stood up with a loud grunt and a squeak from his chair. He pulled his suit back to show off his now impressive gut. He gave it a good rub, as if he was just getting used to the feeling of it weighing him down.

"Oh, Damien. Where were we." The boss asked.

"Oh I uhh-" Damien stuttered.

"Nevermind, I have an announcement to make." The boss interrupted as he walked to the door.

Many people turned to the boss as he stood to make his announcement. All of them jaw slack as they see their boss now with 200 extra pounds added to him. The boss goes to speak, but is interrupted by a loud growl from his stomach. Then another green cloud erupts from the boss as he lets out a loud burp. The cloud quickly spreads around the entire precinct.

People grunted and uniforms ripped as men grew tens of not hundreds of pounds. Six packs turned to beer guts, pecs turned to saggy man tits, and fat pads engulfed dicks. Perky asses started to widen and dag under their own weight, and hands and feet were pumped with fat. It didn't take long for the sound of office chairs breaking to fill the room. By the time the cloud dissipated, every man in the precinct was left with a hulking beer guts. Some lucky ones still had their clothes on, but most had ripped through all of them. And some had grown big bushy beards to top off their bearish look. Even the men in lock up weren't safe, needing a new pair of clothes before they were set free.

The next plan of action was to call over officers from other precincts to share the news. Soon enough, no cop in America will be fit to chase after criminals.

[stolasdearest]

Good afternoon, may I ask for hcs for lucifer, husker, and angel with a fem! Goetia reader? Maybe some general stuff and something [not including Lucifer considering there’s not much he can’t defend himself from] where the reader is defending him in her demon form, for simplicities sake let’s imagine her demon form is the same as stolas.

Reader x Husk & Angel & Lucifer (Separate)˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

ׂׂૢ Pairing : Lucifer x Fem!Reader, Husk x Fem!Reader, Angel x gn!Reader

ׂׂૢ cw : Not Proofread

𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠. . .

A few days a week you make special time for your Boyfriend, Angel; Being a Goetia doesn't exactly give you a lot of time to exist outside of your royal duties so this time with him was your time. Spending it in Pentagram city window shopping, talking and about anything you two get your hands on to do together, this time was precious to you. Now you're riled up at a "super fan" as he called himself trying to get to Angel who was standing behind you visibly uncomfortable yet Angel still tried calming you down but with no success; the situation quickly escalating as the dumb sinner tried rushing past you to Angel; with a swift hand movement you grabbed a hold of the sinners neck opting to just throw the freak against a building wall across the street, however quickly snapped out of your rage you looked back and saw Angel hunched against a club wall holding his stomach as he hysterically laughed. You looked for the sinner with no signs of him and looked to Angel to ask what was so funny.

"Babycakes! Ya didn't see the fatass truck drag the weirdo with him?!"

"..no?"

"you should've holy shit! It was hilarious his fucking face!"

You often didn't need to worry about Husker getting into fights or trouble, mostly because he stayed out of it at all costs not wanting to be bothered with the annoying fucks. So when you and Husk sat at a bar Laughing and drinking you were taken aback by some sinner who claimed to know Husk in his "glory" days and said Husk still owed him some money; Husk told the guy to simply fuck off and went back his whiskey, your instincts reacting almost on their own when you noticed a bottle fly past you and right into the dudes face; only after realizing he tried to attack Husker. Husk looked at you bewildered as you nervously smiled and used a little sprinkle of your power and throwing the now passed out sinner from the bar, apologizing to the bartender for breaking their booze and turning back to Husker.

"you're full of surprises aren't you?"

"I guess you could say that"

There wasn't much Lucifer needed protecting from, especially not anything in hell so you both had pretty calm lives together, everyone respecting you or being straight up afraid of you. You both laid in bed, cuddling and talking about your days and just general stupid things; Lucifer was in one of his Duck tangents when you heard a loud crash outside the bedroom and you instantly went on alert mode, your demeanor changed instantly and you went to check whatever it was with the scariest most threatening form you could put on, Lucifer simply following only a few steps behind you so when you found it was just some wind coming in from a open and forgotten window you immediately deflated, Hesitating to turn around as you started to hear Lucifer snicker behind you before he quickly rushed to hug you from behind, a smug giggle in his voice

"thank you for defending our home..~"

"go fuck yourself"

Authors note : Tumblr deleted my draft TWO TIMESSSSS omg...Anyway I decided to make Angels reader Gn because he is infact, Gay..If this was meant platonically I do apologize for making it romantic alas the ask didn't specify and I default to romantic :P <3

Taglist: @k1y0yo @ihavetoomanyfictionalcrushes @anni1600 @d0nutsaur - send an ask to be added -

[sherwees]

cw : y/n is kinda freaky in this idk (I snorted), guess who's our roommate important, fat shaming a cat, huge cat alert, mega pussy(cat), jeno big schlong core, desperate jeno (but only for a second), just a simple blowjob and his cum tastes like WHAT?!

side note: I took long asl writing this because I'm so used to writing for wayv like the 2 day gap between the haechan fic and hendery fic compared to the 13 day gap between this fic and the hendery fic makes me SICK.

extra note: I've never written for jeno before either.

apart of the nct corny plots series!

why were you so excited for a fuckass plumber?

you had a bigger problem anyway. under your sink, it smelt like fucking mold and water.

man fuck this.

your roommate, jungwoo was barely home.. you asked him if he knew anything about pipes and he only sent a dog emoji.

there was a familiar brushing in between your feet, you looked down at your fatass white cat, nella rubbing against your ankles. jungwoo thought that it'll be funny to make her rhyme with nutella because her old owner said that supposedly.. she ate jars of it.

picking her up, you think you tore your acl but once you met eyes with her; you felt kinda bad. isn't that basically neglecting..? but whatever, she's fine now.

nella's head nudged against your flat hand against the counter, you obligated unconsciously to petting her whilst spacing out on a random hummingbird perched on a fence.

“nella, do you think I'm weird?” you asked the unaware feline, she only licked your palm with a sequence of purrs. that was probably a yes. you sighed and fixed the navy blue edge of your short nightgown, there was then a knock at your door.

it's must've been him before nella jumped her big ass down and skedaddled to the basement. “who is it?” you called whilst heading towards the door, trying to identify the warpy figure through the translucent glass. “uhm, I'm here to fix your pipes” jeno, you presumed, scratched his head, you could make out his muscular figure.

you opened the door with uncertainty and the first thing you noticed was his dirty ass uniform and the smell of dirt and water bouncing off your senses. “you're jeno, right?” you said with a coy smile, trying to not look at his bulky torso by keeping unwanted eye contact. he only nodded, his shy doe eyes met yours finally.

“well, don't be shy.. come in then.” you muttered, you might've even given him a dirty look. this hefty nearly 6 foot male was so shy for what, what if he was a criminal? eligible for death row?!

not your problem, for now.

right now.. you wanted to have his kids.

you unconsciously licked your lips as he walked past, like that one italian weirdo from that weird italian movie where they fucked every 39 minutes. you know, that one? why was his ass fatter than yours?

“um, what seems to be the problem?” jeno's voice echoed from the kitchen, snapping you out of your thoughts. only yelping an “oh!”, you shuffled like a flintstone to the kitchen and found him leaning in the corner of your kitchen counters; looking at the sink and you with uncertainty.

“oh well,” you clasp your hands walking over to the sink. “so basically.. urm.. uh” you side eyed him for a second before scratching your head. “it smells like mold and.. urm..” you looked at his nose again, stop looking at his nose, don't look at his lips?! why are you looking at his DICK?!

“I'll just show you.” you sighed before falling to your knees and opening the cabinet, the smell of mold almost made you shrivel into a fucking pinecone. jeno must've gotten whiff of it too because his nose scrunched in disgust and he held back a gag, but soon you'll be gagging on his– not now.

“see, but I think—” you said, slapping your hands in dismay. you crawled under the sink, looking for that bitchass rustic pipe that you glanced at earlier. “it seems like it's this one pipe–” you babbled on and on about the pipe, literally it sounded like mimimimimi. but he really focused on, your negligee raising with every subtle movement of yours; you weren't even wearing panties..

you were leaking, more than the pipes probably.

and it needed some fixing.

if you get what I'm saying hahahaha ahhahahahah oh.. never mind.

“yeah and all he does is send me–” you came from under the sink, jeno's tongue clicked. his expression was a line between curious, perplexed, maybe focused on something.

“oh.” you mumbled, he was spaced out on something and definitely didn't listen to your rant about you undependable roomie. you looked behind you to see what he was so interested in besides your rambling but you only looked at him in confusion.

“um..” you popped your lips inward before he suddenly cleared his throat. his eyes widening in a quick realization, “oh my fault..” his belt scuffled against the cabinet when he tried to adjust his now.. erection.

urmmm, let's just ignore that.

he anchored his back slightly, “there seems to be a lot of moisture–” he paused weirdly, eyeing your slick hole once you looked away. “on that one rusty pipe..” the male pointed at the anomaly. you could only nod, hands respectfully clasped together.

“so, I'mma start working on that..” he said whilst grabbing a wrench. “it only needs a replacement and I should be done..” he reassured, raising his head with a squiggly grin; his cheeks flushed.

simply, you nodded awkwardly before he continued with his work. what do you do now? you decided to situate yourself on your couch, glancing at him every once and a while. but during one of your peeping moments, there was a big white blob heading towards jeno.. wait NELLA?!

the feline brushed against his leg, jeno froze. you bit your lip in fear that he'll just storm out or what if he breaks out in hives? with a gut wrenching clang of his wrench, your fucking heart stopped. but, his hand extended towards the mass you called your beloved cat and your heart resumed but it still kept a hectic beat.

nella approached his inviting hand before she started to lick his index before grazing her teeth on his nail; about to bite him. almost breaking your ankle, twisting it, stubbing your toe, chipping a nail, almost falling over nothing, almost falling over a plant, almost falling over a chair, almost dying, you pick up nella and almost tear your fucking hamstrings.

she ended up biting your forearm instead and threw herself down the basement stairs, “oh, I'm sorry..” you carried a solemn tone whilst rubbing at the small but wide bite mark with a sigh. jeno stands to his feet, concern etched on his features as he inspects the wound.

his hand found your wrist and pulled it towards him, you winced at the rough padding of his fingers. “cats could really be unpredictable, huh?” he declared playfully as miniscule drops of blood seeped from the wound, you giggled at his comment but it wasn't fucking funny because what if you got rabies? you wished he would actually just break out into hives right now.

“I mean.. are you okay?” jeno finally looked up at you, his deep black eyes punctured into your soul.. there was some sort of romantical vibe in them.

you blunk and the room spun.

there's suddenly rose petals EVERYWHERE, the room is hot as hell, careless whisper is playing in the background and he suddenly has a comically large moustache like mario, “mi mujer, mi todo, ¿te importaría si atendiera tu herida?” his sultry gaze met your muddled face, his eyebrow raised suggestively and the buttons of his shirt popped in your face and revealed his toned torso. you seriously have no words and even I can't explain this scene as I'm typing it.

you only nodded before jeno broke out into pirouettes as he spun to the bathroom and came back with bandages twirling around and above him into a pretty pattern of curls and ended in a break out of elegant dance moves then a split.

“mi amor déjame atenderte..” he placed a chaste kiss on the lesion, it burned. he wrapped the bandage around your forearm and tore it off with a smirk.

everything was suddenly back to normal, his moustache was gone. “man what the fuck was that?!” you stumbled back and rubbed your bandaged arm in confusion, jeno's lips were parted in bewilderment. he was staring like it was your fault,

“nothing happened?” he stated sternly.

“yes, something happened! you turned into a fucking whatever the fuck!”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” he retorted, crossing his arms across his torso and steadying his weight on one foot with a pop to his hip. “you know what, never mind.. is my sink fixed?” you asked with restraint frustration whilst rubbing your forehead, keeping yourself steady on the island just incase you would black out.

jeno shook his head, “I mean, I could fix it faster if you helped a bit..?” he asked shyly and smiled when you nodded, you now noticed the crinkle in his eyes when he did so.. heading over to the sink, you crawled into the small space along with him.. he handed you the flashlight.

he slid into the confined space, “just point it where my hand is, alright?” he reassured you before continuing with his handiwork. jeno's muscles flexed and strained with every twist and turn of the screws. every once in awhile his leg would nudge against your bare thigh, which you now noticed and pulled the hem of the gown down but it'll just raise up slightly above your ass once again but you're sure that jeno wouldn't notice.

but, he did. the curvature of your ass would be exposed with every subtle movement of his leg, yes he's a weirdo and he's intentionally but unintentionally brushing his knee in that same area. his boner was becoming quite visible and ample than before, his neck burned in restrainted arousal and he was probably a bright cherry red. he swore that if that bitchass dress raised even an inch more, he woul– it did.

“sorry miss, I need to g-get some tools from my truck.” jeno slid out and quickly stood on unsteady feet, you realized that his hands were weirdly set at his groin area once you looked up at him with unintended doe eyes.

uttering a quick “fuck”, he finally gave in.

jeno's hand coursed through your hair gently, his rugged hands running through the tangles. his erection now stood out like a spear like those over exaggerated brazzers videos, his hand gripped your scalp and nudged you towards his soaked tip and pulled his cargos down with the other.

“I– uh.. need you to suck me off, please..” he pleaded stupidly, his speech slurred and rasped slightly as his hand found the hem of his pants. “you're so fucking pretty, please..” he whined once his cock sprung out, you were NOT going to take that flag pole down your throat, but you gave an exception for him. both of his hands found your head, gripping and clenching to your head with urgency, jeno chuckled triumphantly once you parted your lips.

the masculine scent of his member intoxicated your senses, the tip placing a blob of precum on the tip of your nose and ran down to your lip. your tongue peaked out and licked the cream off the bump, it tasted awfully sugary?

enveloping his tip into your mouth, he grunted loudly, his gentle touch turning tense in your hair. jeno's hand guided your head up and down his lengthy member, your narrow esophagus pulsating and clenching with every hurried thrust down it. veins sprawled from his other hand to his neck whilst it gripped the island, his eyes rolling back to his skull once you managed to take him all the way to his base.

“s’ fucking good at this..” he praised in an unattractive wheeze, jaw unhinging to emit another groan. he suddenly stilled at the back of your throat, your glossy,pleading eyes looking up at him. jeno started to gyrate against your nose, your jaw and lips straining trying to accommodate to his girthy base as you held back a series of gags and chokes.

his head bumped and leaked precum against your tonsil once he resumed his shallow thrusts. “m’ so close..” jeno rasped, his balls tensing against your chin. with a final shove of your head and another gag from your end, he exploded in your mouth. why'd it taste like that? you suddenly pulled away, gasping for air at the realization.

“jeno—” you hiccuped, his aching cock bobbed, resting against your top lip; quite literally interrupting you. in your blurry peripherals, nella licked at a small droplet of his release; your stomach caved at the sight.

the sweetness of his cum made you sick, the thick substance coated your throat for what seems to feel like globs. “why does it—” you coughed and choked on air, jeno suddenly picked you up by the armpits and sat your writhing figure on the counter.

“your cum tastes like cheesecake..?”

taglist: @haechansbbg

[abasicperson]

FATASS ALERT. I repeat. FATASS ALERT

[aspiffygoat]

So you want to be cared for, huh?

Two words: Maslow’s pyramid.

(Info from Spiffy Ref sheet.)

Creating a goal:

Height: 9ft (274cm) [Incredibly tall goat boi…]

Start BMI: 21.7 359lbs (163kg) [Cursed slim Spiffy…]

End BMI: 45.0 745lbs (338kg) [Wholesome big boy Spiffy~!]

Essentials:

Diet: (This is what Spiffy can haz.) [This is what goats can have to eat]

Barley, peas, corn, wheat, soybean, canola, whole grain breads, oats, molasses, rice, various nuts. celery. cheese, milk.

Meal plan:

Starting with 3 meals and snacks then 4 meals and escalating slowly until you have:

Breakfast. Brunch. Lunch. Second Lunch. Dinner. Supper. And finally: Dessert!

An allotted 2 cheat days a month. (You can have cake sometimes, big boy. :) )

Exercise:

Light jog for 1 hour a day (Light exercise for cardiovascular health.)

Sleep Schedule:

Wake up at 8am.

Wind down by 7pm or 8pm.

Be in bed by 12am at the very latest. (YOU NEED SLEEP!!!)

Personalized apartment:

Modified double doorways.

Modified hallways.

Bariatric equipment.

(Sling Bar, Lift motor reinforced steel frame, California king, Cotton sling.)

No stairs.

Ramp (For easy accessibility in and out of home.)

Fully furbished kitchen pantry. (You gotta snack.)

Bedpan/Chamberpot in bedroom.

Mobility aid handles in bathroom.

Washtub (for big boy~)

Safety Needs:

Potential Healthcare:

Bi-Annual Physical exams (To be well-informed on potential illnesses.)

Dental appointments. (For clean teeth~!)

Prescribed Medications (To prevent heart disease, fatty liver, hypertension, depression, blood sugar and blood cholesterol.)

Therapy, once a week (To ensure mental health. :3 )

C-Pap Mask (For sleepy time, you snore loudly with sleep apnea!)

Skin and fur care routine. (Soft boi)

Sponge bath routine. (Clean boi)

Transportation:

Reinforced back of a pickup truck. (Long distance and fast food trips.) [You’re too big to drive~]

Rascal scooter (For short distance, with basket for snacks.)

Rollator Walker (So you can waddle at home, big boy~!)

Love, Belonging and Esteem!

Social interaction:

VR headset (Friends in your computer~!)

Personal computer set-up.

Personal cellphone.

Scheduled meet ups with friend groups.

Constant praise and love and attention on demand.

Comfort:

Bedroom fridge.

Bedroom computer.

Personal cellphone.

Emergency Health alert necklace (So you don’t lose contact and in case you fall over and can’t get up.

Cotton Robes (Clothing for sensitive skin)

Personal art tablet.

Big screen television (In bedroom and living room)

Streaming devices with protective VPN.

Large pull out couches for relaxation.

PILLOWS! SO MANY, WOW~!

Box of Special things. (For Naughty boys only!!!1!)

Self-Actualization

You’ll be allowed to do as you like as I constantly praise you for being a handsome man while you binge almost constantly~

When you reach 745 pounds (338kg), we’ll adjust your diet accordingly so you can be a big, happy, fluffy boi for as long as possible~!

Finances: I am in so much debt caring for your fatass Don’t worry about it~ ;)

My thinking behind this method: Feeding you is only part of your life and isn’t really all that fulfilling as a life goal. To gain weight, you not only need to eat more, you need to accommodate for the future burden obesity might pose, no matter how sexy it is. Not only that, but we don’t want you to be a stinky, lonely fat boy with health problems…

You’re entitled to a normal, albeit more fulfilling life with friends and relatively good health.

Now go treat yourself with a brownie~

free healthcare...? free housing...? ... hey Anon... how you doin?~ lifting my skirt showing off my exposed ankles showing off my ringless hoof fingers blows a kiss and winks

[cacophany7]

Self meanspo alert

Want some thIn$po? Just watch any Victoria secret Runway and feel insecure about your pathetic situation, coz you let yourself go man, I'm disappointed in you

What happend to the times when you allowed your real self to show? What happened to the time where everyone adorored you?

All that you lost, just because your lazy, fatass self let go

Pathetic

[wendytestabrat]

cartman’s behavior in “jewpacabra” explained

something that always stood out to me abt this episode when i first watched it (and btw this was WAYYYY before people started changing their stance abt cartman and realizing he’s not all that horrible, this was when he was still in his menace era and people would shit on cartman all the time) was how sad & pitiful cartman was in this episode. like honestly when i watch this one i can’t help but feel bad for cartman bc this episode rlly highlights how truly delusional and fucked up in the head he is and how he can’t help it, and it also rlly shined a light on cartman’s schizophrenia & mental issues too how he was imagining this thing in his head (which was the jewpacabra) that wasn’t even real and then there was that whole sequence/dream cartman had where he was a jew and all that. i think a lot of cartman’s anti-semitism stems from mental illness and delusions he has which they also explored further in “cupid ye” how when once cupid me was on his meds he stopped being an anti-semitic asshole bashing jews. and i DEF don’t think cartman’s anti-semitic behavior in this episode was him being malicious or anything bc he actually delusionally believed there was a creature named jewpacabra that was out to get him LOL and then he was scared af and thought he was gonna die and shit. i feel like the episode def did start out with cartman just being an anti-semitic dick as usual and trying to mess with kyle over the jewpacabra thing but then as the episode went on it took a DARK turn bc cartman started believing the thing he made up in his head was real. and i feel like this is what kyle finally realized later on in the episode, which was why he felt bad for cartman and unchained him & took him home. at first kyle assumed this what just cartman being a bigoted asshole as usual going after jews which was why he was pissy at cartman AF in the beginning bc he took it personally and assumed cartman was just trying to harass him, but then he had a moment of mercy for cartman when he rescued him at the end. i feel like what was going through kyle’s head was him realizing cartman wasn’t trying to be an asshole but he was genuinely scared of something that wasn’t real to the point he got himself chained up outside in the cold, so he just felt bad for cartman & pitied him bc he realized this was more about him just being an ignorant delusional idiot than it was about him being cruel or mean. so yeah OFC kyle couldn’t stand to let cartman stay out there in the cold all sad & scared over something that he was suffering from which was a straight up schizophrenia episode, which ofc triggered kyle’s codependent side. that’s also why at that scene at the end kyle went easy on cartman and was nice to him when cartman was saying how he believed in juddaism now and all that LOL. cartman tells kyle how kyle prob thinks he’s lying or making it all up and kyle is just like “i know you’re not” bc kyle realized cartman rlly wasn’t lying bc he delusionally believed this shit. bc normally if something like that happened kyle would just get mad and be like “you’re not jewish fatass!1!1!” 😡 but kyle decided not to get mad and take shit personally this time and was able to overlook his behavior and see what was RLLY going on with cartman. i also love how kyle didn’t reveal at the end that HE was the one who took him home and just decided to let cartman believe it was a ‘passover miracle’. i feel like this episode parallels “smug alert” A LOT how cartman didn’t want kyle to find out he was the one who saved him bc he didn’t want kyle to know how much he cares abt him. so i feel like kyle was the same exact way in this episode, he was prob embarrassed with himself for trying to help cartman and didn’t want cartman to find out how much he cares.

[princessconsuela120]

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: YOU’LL NEVER FIND ANOTHER LOVE —✧

Series masterlist

Chapter art by @clownfacepancakes120

Chapter Warnings: cursing, mentions of vomiting, pregnancy

Author’s Note: guys it’s almost over😪 I don’t know what I’ll do when this is done. I’m so proud of how well this has done! Don’t forget to like comment and repost, and be sure to message me with any questions! Enjoy you guys!

—✧

It was now the night of South Park high prom. I had agreed to go with Kyle, but that was before I knew the days and stress Bebe and Wendy would end up putting into me getting ready. Bebe had done my makeup, the girls had all collectively picked out a dress, and Heidi re-sewed it to fit around my bump. Now it had been a while since I felt pretty in something. I felt pretty. It seemed like a lot of bells and whistles, but I felt pretty. My hair was half up and half down, and the red dress I wore trailed down to my ankles. Yet when I looked in the mirror, I still feared for what the group of men would tease me for when I came out. This much joy made me nauseous.

“Alright, come on out princess!” Cartman yelled, all of the boys huddled together outside my door. I rolled my eyes with annoyance, still studying myself in the mirror.

“Shut up fatass! Stop rushing me!” I yelled back.

“Aye!”

“Do you need help in there, Juno?” Kyle called, making me take in a deep breath to calm the quick hormonal rage I felt from being rushed.

“No, just, just shut up and be patient!” I shouted back, making Kenny chuckle in the other side as I heard Kyle recoil from the door.

“Wendy, maybe you should go in there.” Stan suggested, causing Wendy to raise an eyebrow from her spot on the couch. Unlike the rest of the men, she understood what ‘shut up and be patient’ actually meant.

“She just said to give her a minute.” Wendy said, making Stan shrug.

“Yeah but I mean we have to go…”

“If you have such a problem with it, why don’t you go?” Wendy asked, causing Stan’s face to scrunch up with disgust.

“Ew! She could be naked in there!” He yelled, shaking his head with disgust as Wendy rolled her eyes.

“You’re such a child!” She shook her head, ignoring Stan’s screeching as she continued to scroll through her phone. A soft knock was heard from the door, alerting me that Kyle was now pressed against it.

“Hey, hey Jo you okay in there?” He asked softly, melting my heart into even more nerves that settled in my stomach.

Was I? Sure I felt beautiful for the first time in a while, but what if no one else thought that? I just saw the makeup and hair and figured it could cover up my stretch marks for the night. My cheeks looked more swollen than usual, and I could barely fit my feet into the flats that were too big for me a few months ago. Who was I kidding, I felt awful, I always did. I could fake myself out all I wanted, but I still couldn’t see past my toes.

“No.” I mumbled, almost coming out as a whisper, seeing as I didn’t even mean to mumble it to begin with.

“What’s wrong honey?” Kyle asked softly, sighing from the other end.

“I don’t wanna come out.” I mummbled again, shaking my head in the mirror as I pulled at the skin on my cheeks.

“I’m sure you look beautiful, love.” He reassured, which only made me sigh in response.

“Okay, fine. But you can’t laugh.”

“I would never.”

“Cartman can’t laugh either.”

“I promise you he won’t.” Kyle said, causing Cartman to yell angrily.

“Hey! You aren’t the boss of me jew..”

“Shut up fatass.” Kyle hissed. Stan grabbed Cartman from behind, holding a hand over his mouth as Eric struggled.

“I promise you Junebug, he won’t be saying anything.” Stan reassured me, making me sigh as I opened the door.

“Okay, fine.” I walked out, my arms folded over each other self-consciously as all the boys' faces lit up. Of anything, I knew these boys would always be in awe of me, and never failed to bring me joy.

“Woah.”

“Yeah, woah.”

“I know, I know, god this was a dumb color to choose. I told Bebe but she said it made my eyes pop..” I began to explain, making Kyle grabbed my cheeks, smiling at me.

“Juno, you look amazing.” He said, kissing my forehead. I sighed, shaking my head slightly.

“You don’t have to say that to make me feel better.”

“He’s not.” Cartman spoke up, giving me a soft smile. “You look beautiful.” He said, making me smile back at him with thanks.“Even I can’t argue that.”

I couldn’t help but let the tears fall down my cheeks that threatened to spill, trying desperately to contain them behind my makeup as Kyle pulled me into a hug.

“Great going fatass you made her cry!” Craig yelled, pushing Cartman as he looked back at Craig angrily, shoving him back.

“Aye! I didn’t say anything, maybe she looked at your crooked teeth Craig!” Cartman yelled back, and Kyle sighed, rubbing my back.

“Honey, why are you crying?”

“You’re just, you’re all so sweet. I’m so lucky.” I said, pulling away and pouting at everyone.

“So you’re crying?” Stan asked, giving me an odd look. I glared at him, throwing my shoe at him angrily.

“Shut up Stan! I can’t control my emotions.” I shouted, hiding my face into Kyle’s shirt. He chuckled, pulling away and holding out his arm.

“It’s okay love, let’s go to prom shall we?”

—✧

“Dude shut up!” Kyle shouted, in attempt to keep me asleep in his lap. We were currently driving to Cartman’s cousin’s cabin, prom having been a success. We were staying the week, so we needed two cars to pack everyone into. We were driving with Stan, Wendy, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman and Butters. I was in the back with Kenny and Kyle, peacefully sleeping on Kyle’s lap after an exhausting prom.

“Oh piss off Kyle, we could be at war with Switzerland right now and Juno would manage to stay asleep.” Stan grumbled, having been the one driving and annoyed with Kyle and Cartman’s constant bickering over me.

“Well we aren’t at war, but you are talking exceptionally too loud for being just three feet away.” Kyle retorted, turning around to glare at Cartman. He stuck his tongue out at him childishly, before Stan scoffing caught Kyle’s attention.

“Dude you are so whipped.” Stan teased, making Kyle roll his eyes.

“What, dude no I’m not. Juno’s sleeping, trust me, you don’t want to see what she’s like when she’s woken up.” Kyle said, and Cartman scoffed from the back.

“Totally whipped.”

“Mm..” I mumbled, shifting in Kyle’s lap.

“Oh fuck.” Stan whispered.

“This is it, this is the end.” Kenny said, looking up at the ceiling with despair.

“Kyle?”

“Yes love, I’m here.” Kyle answered, running his fingers through my hair as I sat up.

“Kyle, I think I’m gonna be sick.” I mumbled, holding a hand on my chest nervously.

“What?”

“Oh god please not in my car again.” Stan whined, making me scoff.

“Pull over, pull over now!”

“We’re in the middle of nowhere..” I gagged, feeling myself grow even more nauseous.

“Stanley Randal Marsh pull over right fucking now!” I screamed. His tires screeched to a halt as he pulled over onto a patch of grass. I quickly ran out and found some bushes to vomit into. Everyone collectively turned away in disgust, Kyle sighing as he came behind me, patting my back gently.

“It’s okay Jo, let it out.” He mumbled soothingly.

“This is exactly why I wanted to go with Clyde, I’m sure he’s already there.” Cartman grumbled, rolling his eyes as Stan hit him behind the head.

“I’ve got you honey, you’re okay.”

“See this is what I mean, you’re whipped.” Stan teased, Kenny nodding with agreement.

“Yeah dude, you’ve gone soft.” Kenny teased too, making Kyle roll his eyes.

“The hell do you mean?” Kyle asked in response. Wendy rolled her eyes, stepping up from the crowd.

“I have hair ties on my wrist Kyle, you don’t have to hold her hair back.” She said kindly, pulling back my hair as she turned to Stan with a glare. “Shut up Stan, it’s sweet.”

“Yeah, so sweet that Juno’s made you gay Kyle.” Cartman said, laughing loudly when he did, earning a punch in the side from Kyle.

“Shut up fatass!”

“Aye!”

—✧

We had all been sitting together in the main room of the cabin, sitting together on the couches, all bunched together. My legs sprawled across Stan’s lap as I leaned my head against Kyle. My arms were crossed with annoyance, a blanket covering my head making me grumbled in annoyance. I could hear the cue that the Mario Kart Race was about to begin. According to Cartman I was winning too much, so he took precautions.

“I just don’t understand why we’re taking this extreme precautions.” I whined, lifting the blanket up slightly to get some fresh air.

“Because, you’re a big fat cheater, and I’m sick of it.” Cartman grumbled, rolling my eyes.

“But is the blanket really necessary? I feel like I’m sweating my boobs off under here.” I said, shaking the blanket as a few of the boys made grossed out noises, the girls giggling as they did.

“It’s extremely necessary.”

“But I’m not even playing.” I groaned, but Cartman yelled in response.

“Come on!” He shouted, throwing his controller on the ground.

“You lost huh?” I teased, making him spit back at me.

“No..”

“Yeah you did.” Clyde teased, making Cartman begin the yell.

“Shut up Clyde! I only lost cause Juno wouldn’t stop pestering me about her damn blanket.” He shouted. I shook my head, taking the blanket off enough to see.

“I guess your cheat proof plan isn’t working huh?” I said, raising an eyebrow at Cartman as he pointed at me angrily.

“Screw you Juno! Suck my balls bitch!” He yelled, making me giggle as Kyle pulled off the rest of the blanket.

“There’s my pretty girl.” He said happily, a cheeky smile on his face as I smiled back at him.

“Disgusting.” Stan gagged, shaking his head as I turned to glare at him.

“I missed this face.” I said back to Kyle, holding his chin and swaying his head lovingly. He smiled back.

“Well I missed this face too.” He replied, pulling me into a kiss as the rest of the group ewwwed in disgust. I scoffed, turning to look at the tv.

“You’re gonna fall off the edge..” I said, pointing to Eric’s character on the tv, making him stomp his foot angrily.

“Shut up Bitch!” He yelled back at me, making me chuckle. I took a deep breath, snuggling happily into Kyle’s arm as he rested his head against mine, the two of us watching as Cartman lost 12 games of Mario kart in a row until he finally gave up to watch a movie.

“Ah!” Tweek shouted, causing everyone to flinch at the sound besides Craig, who simply stayed with his arm around Tweek’s shoulder.

“Tweek, honey, calm down. It’s not even at the scary part yet.” Craig reassured, earning a confused look from Stan.

“Scary part? We’re watching Happy Gilmore!” He yelled, his arm around Wendy’s waist as she snuggled into him.

“Hey! Don’t make his anxiety invalid!” Craig yelled, making Stan roll his eyes. “This part is scary for a comedy movie.”

“It’s the credits!!” Stan yelled back, making Craig scoff as he rubbed Tweeks back soothingly.

“Hey guys, look.” Kenny said, gesturing beside him to Juno and Kyle fast asleep, tangled into each other.

“Oh my god.”

“How stinkin adorable.” Wendy said, pouting at the precious moment.

“Aww.”

“They’re so precious.” Heidi cooed, snuggled into red’s embrace as they all looked over at the two sleeping.

“Let’s draw penises on their faces.” Cartman teased, laughing to himself before Stan shoved him.

“Shut up fatass.” Stan hissed, causing Eric to look back at him angrily.

“Aye!”

“Should we wake them?” Butters asked, making Stan shake his head. It was past due time for everyone to be asleep, so they all decided to head to their respective rooms.

“Nah, let’s just leave them. They seem comfy enough.” Stan said, smiling at his sisters comfortable joy, cuddled tightly into Kyle. Stan of all people knew how hard a good nights sleep had been for me lately.

“Goodnight sleepyheads.” He whispered, dropping a blanket over the two and leaving the lights out for th before heading upstairs.

—✧

“Huh?” Kyle mummbled, sitting up slightly in his spot before noticing me sleeping peacefully at his chest. “Juno? Hey sleeping beauty.” He whispered, chuckling when he saw the look I had on my face. My mouth was slightly open, and I had never looked more peaceful. “Come on love, this can’t be comfy for your back.” He began to pick me up. Which prompted me awake as I rubbed my eyes.

“Kyle?” I mummbled, once we had finally made it to bed. Kyle helped dress me into pajamas and tucked us into bed.

“Shh, it’s okay love I got you. You can rest.” He reassured, running his fingers through my hair as I snuggled into his chest.

“Mm, Goodnight.” I mumbled into his chest, feeling him kiss the top of my head.

“Goodnight my love.” He mumbled, before shifting his position. “Hey kiddo, you gotta calm down in there you’re gonna wake up your mom.” He whispered to my stomach, chuckling at the busy kicking going on.

“I know it’s hard, I’m excited to meet you too. So is everyone else. Your gonna be so loved little one. Your mama thinks your a boy, and I think your mom’s always right. But just between you and me, I think you might be a baby girl.” He leant down slightly to kiss my bump. “Haim Sheli (my life).” He whispered, placing one last kiss before letting his hand rest on my stomach. “I can’t wait to meet you little one. I love you.”

[sindumpster]

Oh yeah and if Kurt's getting more chonky from his contracts he should use that weight to his advantage, imagine some fatass assassin pouncing someone from above that'd be an instant KO, or smothering someone's face into his gut to keep them quiet from alerting others :v

Sadly the poor boi doesn’t see the practicality in the extra weight. So it would probs go more like this lol

Starting to question if he’s even good at his job lol

||PATREON||

[lumi-procrastinate]

my mom always take me by car to everywhere, today I have to go to univ at 16.45 and i got an online class at 15.00 so she had the brilliant idea of bringing me to go pick up my sister early [spoiler alert, she doesn't, literally took her 30 minutes to just get her ass up from bed], some highlights from the trip:

• she got mad at me for typing at my phone (p.s. i was searching for the materials in the class as the lecturer fucking hates us and gave us no material guide to work with)

• she blamed me for not being active in the class (i got my turn to answer a question robbed away from me basically)

• told me i was dumb to look the materials up, and when i told her about the materials guide fiasco she got mad that i didn't look it up beforehand (confusion 100)

• she got angry at me for studying for my exam instead for class (i don't think she understands priorities but whatever)

• she got angry that i don't tidy up my books (they're stacked neatly in the bedroom, i don't have any bookcases to put those in)

• she got angry that i was asleep when she got home earlier before driving me to univ (i am sick lol and have not been able to rest because of univ, today's practicals were cancelled so i took the chance to rest)

• she got angry that I'm a fatass and basically called me an animal for like 30 minutes straight (pig specifically, not elephants cus elephants are smart lol)

• blamed me for her not having sufficient funds to put me in a good medschool or enough money for the month (she was quite literally calling me a financial burden)

My point is: I'm a first year medschool student and I'm not sure i should try to survive or just end all of this lol

[gyuache]

Fat fat fatty alert tw fatass

[bokutokiya]

{6.0}

You jolted up abruptly as a crash was heard downstairs, shaking your head to clear it, you slid out of bed grabbing the knife that Kenny gave you for your birthday while hitting your panic button under your desk table to alert Kenny and butters. You slowly make your way down the steps to the kitchen only to freeze, seeing cartman hunched over in your kitchen not only eating your chips but holding the stick of truth pissed you off. “I know you're not in my kitchen fatass!” You yell as you stab the knife into the counter. Cartman made a scream like a pig before booking with the stick out of your back door. You chase him only to bump into Kenny, Butters and Kyle. “You hit your panic button!” Kenny panted, leaning on butters heavily, Kyle and butters where both also panting heavily. “Cartman broke into my house through a fucking window and took the stick!” You growl out angrily. Kenny shoots up and looks between you and your kitchen window, “oh I’m gonna kill him” he says, grabbing you gently to look you over for injuries. “I’ll handle cartman, you keep an eye on y/n.” Kyle says, before taking off. Kenny quickly ushers you back into your house and settles you on the kitchen counter, yanking the knife out before all of your phones ping.

You suddenly shaking in anger and feel the tears blur your vision. “It’s 4th grade all over again!” You cry, Kenny and butters quickly dragging you into a hug as you break down into the front of Kenny’s parka. “I’m gonna call the g-“ his voice is cut off by the back door bursting open and Craig rushing through, “I came as quick as possible!” His nasally voice mixed with his wheezing. “What did the fat ass do to her!” You didn’t catch what was said as you quickly fell asleep against Kenny, the night having drained all of your energy.

(sorry it’s short, we’re on the LAST 2 chapters of part 1)

[misc-fatty-muses]

To Judy

🐽

From a very, very fat anon~

Judy smirked as she watched the anon waddle into her workshop, feeling the floor shake a little beneath their bulk. "Wondered why there wasn't enough earthquake alert going off, it was just you waddling your fatass around, anon~" She teased, getting up to inspect them. "How did you even fit through the door, gorda? You're as wide long-ways as you are sideways~ Did they bring you here in a freight truck?" She grabbed a handful of belly blubber with both hands and jiggled it heavily.

[theuniverseawakens347]

NOW I HAVE A TAINTED PERCEPTION OF SCIENTOLOGIST ALIENS CAUSE PAPER MAN SUIT WALKING SKIN WOMAN LEE AND FUCKTARD DAVID N DUMBASS WHITE SUPREMACY TAYLOR B ANTONY BARTONS PAPER wife… ( DEAD BITCH N AUNTY FATASS FALL DOWN THE STAIRS LIFE ALERT HEAD ASS DEAD) DID SOME STUPID FRUIT OF SIN SHIT..

Then got the AUDACITY TO SEND THEIR HEATHEN ASSES TO THE REGULAR CATHOLIC CHRISTIAN CHURCHES AND FORCE MY NIGGA TO GO KNOWING WTF WE ARE .. BITCH IMMA SLAP YOU SIDEWAYS

BOTH YOU BARTON HOES..

Paula we love you 🥰 🤗

[notevenkagey]

waitttt no wonder their fatass kept calling it roast beef😟😕 Munch alert