#fat loss after 40

[justposting1]

How Slow Jogging Heals the Body

Slow jogging is easy to do. It’s no more taxing to your heart than just walking. Instead of trying hard and running at an intensive pace to the point where you don’t enjoy yourself or your surroundings, you can jog at a relaxed pace and get all the benefits. Give it a shot, even if you’re not 40 yet. 💪 There seems to be an overwhelming belief in fitness today that pushing ourselves to the limit…

[reasonsforhope]

"The Lower Ninth Ward of New Orleans has recently witnessed an incredible eco-renaissance following decades of damage and neglect.

Led by a local community development group, a 40-acre wetlands park has been restored to glories past with hundreds of local trees that attract over a hundred species of birds, plus joggers, picnickers, and nature lovers besides.

The story begins with Rashida Ferdinand, founder of Sankofa Community Development Corporation (CDC). Growing up in this historic part of New Orleans, where Black homeownership thrived, where Fats Domino was born, and where locals routinely went out into the wetlands to catch fish and crustaceans, she watched as it suffered from years of neglect.

Poor drainage, ruined roads, illegal trash dumping, and unmitigated damage from hurricanes slowly wasted the wetland away until it was a derelict eyesore.

In the name of restoring this wild heritage indicative of the culture in the Lower Ninth, and in order to protect her communities from flooding, Ferdinand founded the Sankofa CDC, and in 2014 entered into an agreement with the City of New Orleans for the restoration of Sankofa—a 40-acre section of neglected wetlands in the heart of the Lower Ninth.

The loss of Sankofa’s potential to dampen flooding from storms meant that over the years dozens of houses and properties were flooded and damaged beyond the ability of the inhabitants to recover. Forced out by a combination of nature’s fury and government failure, the cultural heritage of the community was receding along with the floodwaters.

Ferdinand knew that restoring natural flood barriers like Sankofa was key to protecting her community.

“Hurricane protection is a major concern in the community, but there’s a lack of trust in the infrastructure systems that are supposed to protect us,” Ferdinand told the Audubon Society. 

Today, Sankofa Wetlands Park is a sight to behold. Hiking trails snake through a smattering of ponds and creeks, where bald cypresses and water tupelo trees continue to grow and cling to the ground even during storms. Picnic benches have appeared, wheelchair-accessible trails connect sections of the park to parts of the Lower Ninth, and local businesses are seeing more visitors.

It needed a lot of work though. Thousands of invasive tallow trees had to be uprooted. 27,000 cubic meters of illegally dumped trash compacted into the dirt had to be removed. A 60-year-old canal dug by the US Army Corps of Engineers had to be disconnected, and all new native flora had to be planted by hand.

Audubon says that Ferdinand routinely can’t believe her eyes when she looks at the transformation of Sankofa into its current state.

“Seeing butterflies, birds, and other pollinators in the park is a sign of a healthy ecosystem,” she says. “All we had to do was create the right conditions.”

Slated for official completion in 2025 with an outdoor amphitheater, interpretive signage, and additional trails, Ferdinand and the CDC have their eyes set on an even larger area of wetlands to the north of Sankofa.

Along the way, Ferdinand and the CDC attracted many helping hands, and entered into many partnerships, But the catalyst for change arose from the spirit and determination of one woman in the right place at the right time, for the benefit of hundreds in this historic heart of a historic city."

-via Good News Network, September 17, 2024

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[milla-frenchy]

A summer with the Millers - Part 2

2k9 | Joel Miller x fem reader x Tommy Miller

Summary: after that first evening with Tommy and Joel, you go back for more and finally get what you want

Warnings: 18+ mdni. Virginity loss, age gap (reader is 21, Tommy and Joel are in their late 30s, early 40s), eager reader, threesome MFM, slight degradation, dirty talk, praise kink, oral (f receiving), masturbation, fingering, piv, creampies

a/n: pics for mood only

@aurorawritestoescape thank you for beta-ing 💕🫶

dividers @saradika-graphics 🙏

series masterlist | masterlist | ao3

Part 1

Joel smirked when he heard you asking for more.

You looked at Tommy. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he scratched his temple with his thumb, a cigarette between his fingers. Flashes from the night before jostled in your eyes, and you were more sure of yourself than ever. You wanted more.

Joel took another sip of his beer before saying: “You want more? You wanna feel our cocks in your pretty cunt? Is that right, sweetheart?”

He was direct and confident, and you liked that. You would need him again to convince Tommy. 

“Yeah. That’s right.”

“Looks like we made a good impression, making her cum 3 times, Tommy.”

Joel Miller wasn't the most modest of men, but he wasn't wrong. Yesterday was perfect, and they had already taught you a lot. And finally, you had Tommy. Not totally, but you were hoping to change that tonight.

“Where’s your dad, darlin’?” Tommy asked, without looking at his brother.

“He just left for work. He asked me if I had plans, I told him I was going out with some friends.”

“Some friends… yeah, right”, Joel chuckled before leaning against the dining room table, sipping his beer.

You moved closer to Tommy, feeling him hesitant. Running your fingers down his chest, over his t-shirt. Biting your lip.

“Did you like it, Tommy? What you did to me, yesterday?”

“Jesus, of course. I loved it, darlin’.”

“Do you want more, too? Do you wanna feel my tight pussy around your fat cock?”

“Shit, baby, you can’t…fuck. You really know what you want, don’t ya?”

“I do. And I want you to be the first one thrusting in.”

You smiled at him flirtily, then turned to Joel. No hesitation in his eyes.

“Do you wanna be the second one, Joel?”

“Fuck yeah. Course I do. No need to convince me, baby.”

He stood up and moved closer to you, until his body was against yours. He placed his hand on the back of your neck and leaned you against him, breathing in your hair as your nose was nestled in the crook of his neck. You felt safe with them.

“We’re gonna take good care of you, sweetheart. Right, Tommy?”

Tommy didn't respond. He had stepped back, leaning against the wall. He took a drag of his cigarette and looked at you and Joel. 

Joel grabbed your hips and spun you around so you were facing Tommy, Joel’s cock against your ass. Half hard, and you shivered.

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna start over with your guilt?”

“It’s not that easy, Joel.”

“It seemed really easy when she was licking your balls while you were jerking off.”

Joel grabbed your breasts in his hands, squeezing them through the fabric of your dress as you ground against his crotch. It was so good to feel him again, and you closed your eyes to enjoy the sensations. “I'm sure Tommy would love to jerk off between your tits, while my cock would sink in your throat. Right, Tommy?”

“Can’t you stop talking like that and let me think? She’s a virgin for christ’s sake. It’s not goddamn porn…”

“Last night seemed like porn to me”, added Joel, while he caressed your ass with his big hand, and admired the way you arched against him. “And really good porn, by the way. Don’t worry, baby. He plays the grumpy guy, but when he’ll see you all splayed on his bed, he’ll be dying to pop your cherry.”

“Tommy… You wouldn't want a stranger to take your best friend's daughter's virginity in the back of a car, would you? A boy, or a man of your age, who would hurt me, maybe? Better make sure it happens safely, don’t you think?”

Tommy shook his head and put out his cigarette in the ashtray. Then he slowly moved closer to you. Joel placed his hands on your hips again and held you against him. Tommy's gaze was fixed on you.

“You’re trouble, ain’t you?”

“I’m just a 21 year old girl and I wanna have fun on my summer vacation...” you pouted.

Joel chuckled. “She’s giving you a hard time, ain’t she?”

“She is. Always been a little brat, this one”, said Tommy. Eyes fixed on yours, he ran his index finger along your cheek. Seemed like he couldn’t resist your eyelashes and angelic smile.

“Ok. If that's what you want, baby, we’re gonna give it to ya. I ain’t gonna fight all summer. But!” he said, raising his index finger. “Your father will never know. You ain’t doing stupid shit in front of him. He can’t know. Are we clear?”

“Yes, of course, Tommy.”

“Are you on birth control?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry about that.”

“Perfect! So we have an agreement. Let’s fill up that pussy” Joel said, his nose brushing your neck.

“Seriously, Joel? How romantic of you…”

Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw Joel shrug. “It’s not exactly like she needs to be seduced. Can almost hear her dripping on the floor.”

Tommy leaned towards you, placing his hands on your cheeks and kissed you. His tongue searched for yours and you quickly gave it to him. Joel kissed your neck, pushing his cock against your ass, and your panties were really already soaked.

“We’re gonna go to my bedroom. Ain’t gonna take your virginity on a fucking table or the couch.”

Tommy took your hand and led you to his bedroom, Joel following behind you. You could feel his stare on your ass and you swung your hips. You heard him say “naughty little thing…”, chuckling.

A small lamp was bathing the bedroom in a dim red light. They didn't waste any time and undressed you. Removing your dress then panties. They covered you with kisses, caressing almost every inch of your skin.

“Lie down on the bed, darlin’”, Tommy asked.

You obeyed, putting your head on his pillow. Naked. The two men stood at the foot of the bed, still dressed. You felt desired, knowing how hard their cocks must be. You felt a little scared too. But the way the previous evening had gone made you think everything would be fine. You knew deep down that they would be perfect.

“Show me. Show me how you make yourself come, thinking about me.”

Your breathing quickened and you felt heat reach your cheeks. You slipped your hand between your thighs, and caressed your soaked folds.

“Open your pretty legs, sweetheart. Show us your little virgin cunt.”

You spread your legs, hoping that the dim light would allow them to see your wetness already leaking onto the sheets.

“You're soaked, baby. You want it so bad, fuck… yeah, just like that. Keep touching yourself. Jesus, that’s hot.”

You kept caressing your folds, sometimes your clit, until the sensations made you close your eyes.

“Don’t. Eyes open baby. Look at us.”

You opened your eyes and spread your thighs further apart, as your moans filled the room. Eager to show them how much you wanted them. 

“Do you say my name when you finger yourself?”

“Y… yeah. I do.”

“Do it, then.”

Joel unzipped his jeans and pulled out his cock. Grabbed it with his big hand. You thought about how he brushed it against your folds the night before, until his cum drenched them. Until he made you cum against his shaft.

You moaned and whispered “Tommy,” not taking your eyes off Joel and it made him smile.

“Oh, baby girl…you're gonna moan my name tonight too, don’t worry.”

“Fuck… I gotta pump my cock. That’s so hot. Keep going, baby. Come on your fingers.”

You swirled your finger gently against your clit as you were looking at them jerking off, and when the orgasm made you arch your back, you moaned “Tommy”, eyes fixed on him that time.

“Fuck… ok. That’s one, sweetheart.”

The two men got undressed and lied down against you. You kissed them in turn, their hands roaming your body.

“You’re fucking hot, baby, you know that?”

Tommy’s tongue was buried in your mouth and you couldn’t respond.

“Lemme taste her on your fingers, sweetheart. I jerked off this morning, thinking about her.”

You pulled back from Tommy and said “Really? You jerked off thinking about… me and my pussy?”

“Course I did. Come on, lemme taste her again.”

You brought your fingers to his mouth and he licked them, eyes staring into yours.

“I could eat that pussy every day, you know.”

“Fuck, Joel…”

Tommy placed his hands on your hips and turned you towards Joel. You felt Tommy’s cock poke between your thighs and he lightly rolled his hips.

“Fuck, darlin’. Can’t believe you’ve got the nerves to be here. With us. Can’t believe you’re letting me fuck your thighs.”

“Yeah, by the end of the summer I wonder what part we won’t have fucked or licked.”

The idea gave you goosebumps. Joel really wanted to keep this going all summer and you loved that.

“Fuck I gotta stop or I ain't gonna last.”

“That would be too bad, Tommy, right? I’m not sure I could wait for you to be hard again. Your brother would have to be the first one fucking me…”

“You’re testing me, darlin’”, said Tommy. “But you know… your first time is tonight and I’m gonna be gentle. But once it’s done, I might be rougher next time we fuck.”

You barely had the time to smile and say “next time?!”, that Joel pushed you onto your back and slid his hand up to your pussy, pushing a finger into your soaking cunt and started to pump you gently. “Finger her with me, Tommy. Gotta stretch her before you fuck her.”

“Oh, shit,” you breathed when Tommy's finger joined Joel’s.

They worked you open and kissed your lips, cheeks and neck and you felt like you were in heaven. The lewd noises from your pussy left no doubt about your wetness.

“I’m gonna eat ya baby. Gonna make you come on my tongue. And then your crush will fuck you, ok? You want me to go down on you?”

“Yes, yes Joel, please.”

“That’s a good girl”, he praised you. Kissed your cheek and settled between your thighs.

Soon, his moans between your folds were the only thing you were hearing, while Tommy was sucking and licking your tits.

“You’re perfect, baby, you know that? Can’t wait to fuck you. To feel your cunt squeezing me.”

You were moaning too now, and could barely answer him. Joel’s tongue was buried deep in your core as his thumb gently stroked your clit.

“You’re gonna come, baby? My brother’s gonna make you come?”

“Yes, yes, fuck!” you whimpered.  

You came on Joel’s tongue and he kept drinking all the wetness that was leaking out.

“That’s two, baby.” He smiled and brushed his mouth and chin with the back of his hand.

“Alright. You’re ready for me, darlin’?”

“Yeah. Need to feel you in me, Tommy. Please.”

“So polite. Not a little brat anymore, uh?”

“Our little brat wants that cock and she’s gonna be docile now, until her eager cunt is getting fucked.”

Their filthy mouths were driving you crazy. You loved being used and they just knew it.

Tommy settled between your thighs as Joel sat against the headboard, stroking your shoulder. The younger brother grabbed his cock and looked at you, as if to check that you were still ok. You nodded and he slid his tip into your entrance, but stopped when he quickly felt a resistance.

“You said you played with dildos?”

“Yeah but… more with my clit, and not really far in my pussy, you know…”

“Jesus, baby… ok, ok. Unless you want me to stop, I won’t stop now. Fuck it.”

“Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop.”

He pushed lightly again and you spread your legs further, trying to make things easier.

“Let me in, baby”, he growled. “Let me in”. He seemed wrecked already. As if you were the one in charge. You felt strong and powerful and you loved the feeling. He pushed, his nose against your cheek and his hands around your neck while yours were on his hips.

You were afraid he would never fit in your tight cunt. You breathed slowly and deeply to calm your worry, and suddenly your body gave way and he thrust into you. You moaned and grimaced, digging your nails into his flesh.

“Shit, that’s fucking hot…” You opened your eyes to see Joel standing in front of the bed, slowly jerking off. You hadn't noticed that he had gotten up, too focused on Tommy who was finally giving you what you wanted.

“Yeah, look at me baby. Look at me. You’re ok.”

“She’s fuckin’ tight, Joel, fuck…”

“Course she’s tight. First cock she’s taking. You’re doing great, baby. Look what you’re doing to me? How hard you make me, when I’m watching you being fucked?”

You nodded, while looking at him fisting his cock.

The pain was gone and Tommy was filling you perfectly, grunting in your neck. Fucking your cunt slowly, to enjoy its tightness, or maybe to avoid coming too soon. 

You ran your hands through his hair. The way his pelvis rubbed against you made another orgasm build.

“I want you to cum at the same time as me, Tommy. Will you do that?”

“Yeah, yeah I can do that.”

You felt your body contract deep inside you, felt the heat. And you really wanted Tommy to come at the same time as you.

“How does it feel Tommy?”

“Feels good. So fucking good.”

“Yeah? You like fucking your best friend’s daughter?”

He felt his balls tightened and said “shit. You want my cum? You want me to fill you up?”

You didn’t respond right away, rubbing yourself against him more. Then you whispered in his ear “you said I was a slut, yesterday. Fill up your slut, Tommy.”

His cock pulsed inside you and for the first time, you felt hot cum filling your pussy. His jolts made you come and you felt weakness in your legs, while your eyes were seeing stars.

You and Tommy were struggling to calm down your breath, but the sound of Joel's wrist fisting his cock was obsessing you.

Tommy kissed you before rolling onto the bed next to you. You heard Joel say “that’s three.”

He moved closer to the bed, still jerking off. “Can I fuck you too baby? You think you can take me or it’s gonna be too much?”

You nodded. And as the day before, he said “words, baby.”

“I want you to fuck me. Wanna feel you too. Come lie between my thighs, please Joel.”

He knelt between your legs, and spread your folds with his thumbs. Watched his brother's cum flow onto the sheets. His cock twitched, precum making it glisten.

“Please, Joel”, you begged. His hand led his tip to your entrance. He sank in, slowly but didn’t stop. Said "fuck… there we go" through clenched teeth. He was slightly thicker than Tommy, and you felt your walls part as his shaft sank in until he bottomed out. He pulled back and spat on his cock, mixing his saliva with your wetness. You moaned when you watched him. He was hot, way too hot. They both were, and you already wanted more. Even if he was still between your folds. He lay back between your thighs, and kept his eyes fixed on yours, until his length was fully buried in you. Then he held your hands on each side of your head, and fucked you. He didn’t stop, and kept stretching you. But he was careful not to hurt you. You just knew he could be really rough, but he cared and respected you, your body, your first time. You could hear his cock, thrusting in your cunt, soaked with your wetness and his brother's cum.

“You were right, Tommy. So fuckin’ tight.”

“Yeah. Almost nutted when I sank in.”

“Can you imagine, fucking her if we both were 21? We wouldn’t even have the time to thrust our entire shaft before shooting our load.” They both laughed.

You didn't take your eyes off him. It was hard to believe that Tommy had just taken your virginity a few minutes ago, and that Joel was fucking you at that moment.

“Joel”, you murmured.

“Yeah, baby girl. Told ya you’d moan my name tonight.”

Tommy leaned over and kissed you. Then he took your chin between his fingers and said "come on, darlin’. Let my brother enjoy your little pussy clenching on him. I can see your pretty eyes rolling in the back of your head again. Cock dumb, huh?"

He looked at Joel and said “another one is coming. She’s fuckin’ gone.”

“I’m gonna come”, growled Joel. “Oh fuck, baby… gonna fill you too.” You couldn't even hear him anymore, as your body spasmed and you came one last time. Borderline overstimulated, you felt like your pussy was never going to stop squeezing his cock. He stayed buried in you a few minutes, trying to calm down. Then he rolled on his back and chuckled “4. 4 fucking times. Fuck.” Tommy laughed and lit a cigarette.

Summer was really about to begin.

***********

Thank you for reading 🙏

Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated ❤️

Other virginity loss fic: After (qz!Joel)

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[wachinyeya]

Birds Sing Anew After Residents of New Orleans Ninth Ward Restore 40-Acre Wetland to Historic Glory https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/birds-sing-anew-from-within-40-acre-wetland-restored-by-residents-of-n-orleans-historic-lower-ninth/

The Lower Ninth Ward of New Orleans has recently witnessed an incredible eco-renaissance following decades of damage and neglect.

Led by a local community development group, a 40-acre wetlands park has been restored to glories past with hundreds of local trees that attract over a hundred species of birds, plus joggers, picnickers, and nature lovers besides.

The story begins with Rashida Ferdinand, founder of Sankofa Community Development Corporation (CDC). Growing up in this historic part of New Orleans, where Black homeownership thrived, where Fats Domino was born, and where locals routinely went out into the wetlands to catch fish and crustaceans, she watched as it suffered from years of neglect.

Poor drainage, ruined roads, illegal trash dumping, and unmitigated damage from hurricanes slowly wasted the wetland away until it was a derelict eyesore.

In the name of restoring this wild heritage indicative of the culture in the Lower Ninth, and in order to protect her communities from flooding, Ferdinand founded the Sankofa CDC, and in 2014 entered into an agreement with the City of New Orleans for the restoration of Sankofa—a 40-acre section of neglected wetlands in the heart of the Lower Ninth.

The loss of Sankofa’s potential to dampen flooding from storms meant that over the years dozens of houses and properties were flooded and damaged beyond the ability of the inhabitants to recover. Forced out by a combination of nature’s fury and government failure, the cultural heritage of the community was receding along with the floodwaters.

Ferdinand knew that restoring natural flood barriers like Sankofa was key to protecting her community.

“Hurricane protection is a major concern in the community, but there’s a lack of trust in the infrastructure systems that are supposed to protect us,” Ferdinand told the Audubon Society.

Today, Sankofa Wetlands Park is a sight to behold. Hiking trails snake through a smattering of ponds and creeks, where bald cypresses and water tupelo trees continue to grow and cling to the ground even during storms. Picnic benches have appeared, wheelchair-accessible trails connect sections of the park to parts of the Lower Ninth, and local businesses are seeing more visitors.

Visiting birders have recorded sightings of over 100 species of songbirds, ducks, near-shore waders of all kinds, egrets, and herons, and the park also acts as a home and refuge for otters, beavers, and a variety of amphibians and reptiles.

It needed a lot of work though. Thousands of invasive tallow trees had to be uprooted. 27,000 cubic meters of illegally dumped trash compacted into the dirt had to be removed. A 60-year-old canal dug by the US Army Corps of Engineers had to be disconnected, and all new native flora had to be planted by hand.

Audubon says that Ferdinand routinely can’t believe her eyes when she looks at the transformation of Sankofa into its current state.

“Seeing butterflies, birds, and other pollinators in the park is a sign of a healthy ecosystem,” she says. “All we had to do was create the right conditions.”

Slated for official completion in 2025 with an outdoor amphitheater, interpretive signage, and additional trails, Ferdinand and the CDC have their eyes set on an even larger area of wetlands to the north of Sankofa.

Along the way, Ferdinand and the CDC attracted many helping hands, and entered into many partnerships, But the catalyst for change arose from the spirit and determination of one woman in the right place at the right time, for the benefit of hundreds in this historic heart of a historic city.

[chosos-mascara]

first time

𝙩𝙤𝙟𝙞 𝙛𝙪𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙜𝙪𝙧𝙤 𝙭 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 - after toji finds out you're a virgin, you find yourself in an ultimatum.

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 - virginity loss, fingering, condom use, toji refuses at first, pet names (good girl, pretty), rough sex, age gap (reader is mid 20s, toji is mid 40s)

2k words

Lips on lips, skin on skin. Toji's hands roamed over your body with haste, tugging at the hem of your shirt, palms running the length of stomach to cup bare chest. He'd worked with experience and ease, finally ready to fuck you. Sure, he hadn't understood why you'd want to fuck your friend's father, but he wouldn't question you now. Only after he would feel that tight cunt wrap around him would he call you out on the odd situation. He was almost fifty, after-all. 

"Gonna fuck you good." Deep breaths against neck, member hard against your inner leg. You'd whimpered under him as his grip finally found ghosted panties, waiting and slick with arousal. But, when he pulled them to the side to get look over more of you, your thighs had anxiously pressed together.  "What, you gettin' all shy now?" He laughed, a rough hand grabbing the fat of your leg to push to the side, though with a hand over your face, you shrugged. Brow raised, he retracted his grip. 

"Don't tell me you're a virgin or some shit?" His accusatory tone would have caused you to blow up, he'd known that. If he was wrong, you'd be quick to correct him, to tell him otherwise. Your silence spoke volumes. 

"I-" You began, heart racing. "I'm not..." Trailing off, your eyes darted to his gaze. Narrow, green. He stared at you in confusion, the previous lust filled stare fading into his usual stoic gaze.  "Oh, no." Just like that, Toji stood from the bed. "Are you serious?" His annoyance had been written clearly, not only on the irked expression, but in the timbre of voice. 

"It's fine, I want to." You spoke, pushing yourself upward, an attempt to persuade him from walking away. There was embarrassment in your words, a twist in stomach at the action of being pushed away. You'd liked Toji for a long time, you'd fantasized about him fucking you - how could you ruin it now? After years of friendly flirting, lighthearted teasing and some tension, you'd die before giving this up. 

You met Megumi in your freshman year of college, his father shortly after. The younger male hadn't wanted his 20th to be a big deal, though with Yuuji and Nobara as his close friends, it had been inevitable. You'd met Toji that evening, the looming figure leaning over kitchen counter, words spoken upon your arrival to "have fun." The first sentence he'd spoken to you while waving his kid off had you reeled in. From then on, every and any excuse to visit Megumi's home had been executed. Of course, you'd valued him as a friend, a close bond within your group, and due to this you'd felt the burden of guilt when attempting to woo his own blood, but in your defense, you couldn't help it. 

Only, now you'd been close to fulfilling a desire, it had been ripped from your hands. A virgin. You'd known it was unusual at your age, when most people had lost it before they'd even started college - twenty-five and pure hadn't been where you'd wanted to be. 

"Shit, why'd you lie? I ain't takin' your virginity." 

Your chest tightened. 

"What?" The confidence you'd had before had sank within the depths of your hollow body, fights clenching against the comforter. Though, when realizing the nakedness of upper half, your arms had flown to hide the bare chest that had been exposed so readily. 

"Look-" He sighed, shifting. A sudden uneasiness from within him, a sigh after separating pursed lips. "Your first time shouldn't be with someone like me. Just," Toji couldn't look at you as he'd spoken. The disheveled state, the heartbreak written clearly in your eye. What was he thinking, anyway? Someone his son's age, when he'd been bordering fifty. There had to be a power imbalance there, right? "Just, save it for someone else." 

"I'm not a child!" A shout from your lips, glassy eyes glaring at him. "You don't get to dictate what I can and cannot do - who I can and cannot fuck!" A pillow was thrown his way through anger, hot tears finally falling over heated cheeks - though you hadn't been sure if this had been due to embarrassment or disappointment. 

"I know you're not a fucking child." Toji leaned against the door as you'd scrambled to pick up your shirt from the floor, discarded in haste. "But you don't know me. You don't wanna go givin' that shit to me."  "Fuck," You sighed, pulling cotton back over chest. "Stop acting like it's a disease." 

Standing, you faced the male before you, awaiting his movement from the door to allow your departure. He looked over you, once, and then once more, before pushing himself from the wood. There'd been some reluctance in his movements, a hesitance in allowing you to leave, but he did so in silence. Only when your shoes had hugged your feet and bag slung on your shoulder had he opened his mouth to allow an excuse to his behavior. 

"Look," You'd reached a hand over the lock, turning it. His hand came over you, palm pushing over the door to prevent you opening it. The action had forced you against the door, his chest pressing to yours when you'd turned. Toji's arms caged you to the exit. 

"There's things you don't know about me. Things I've done. I didn't think you were stupid enough to like me that much - I thought you were just horny." Just like that, your body had reacted to the proximity you'd found yourself within. So desperately, you'd wanted to hate him, to never see him again, yet with his face inches from your own and his chest plush to yours, it had felt impossible. 

"Spare me your sob story. I don't care." The bitter statements had been from a place of misery; he'd understood that.  "Alright. I'll see you around." 

Two weeks. 

After that point, you'd figured you wouldn't see Toji again. He'd been your first crush, and although you'd felt pained by his rejection, you knew you'd learn to accept it. Though, there had been one thing you'd felt plagued with. Something had been playing on your mind as of late - a burden that you'd been ready to cut loose. A label you'd wished you'd had the confidence to rid yourself of years ago. Sure, a stranger in a bar hadn't been ideal, but you'd just have to get it over with. 

A glass of wine placed before you on the bar. Not your favorite by all means, but it had been enough.  "From the guy on table four." 

She'd pointed to your right, and your head had anxiously turned, though when your gaze had set on a black head of hair, a pink scar over lips, the nervousness had turned into something else. An unreadable mix of emotions too tangled to read. Had you felt relieved, or angered? 

"Are you following me?" The first question from your lips, glass setting opposite Toji as his un-amused expression bore into your own.  "Are you trying to get fucked by some shithead?"  "None of your business."   "Do ya think that'll change my mind or somethin'? Cause I think you're just being fucking stupid right now." 

You laughed in anger. 

"Thanks for the wine. I'm gonna get going." 

Tilting head, the red liquid had been gulped back with swiftness, a readiness to leave acting as motivation. Though, a warm grip over your wrist had stopped you once again, head snapping toward Toji's unreadable glare. 

"I'll do it." 

You furrowed a brow, scowl contorting into confusion. "What?" 

"I'll fuck you."  "I don't need your charity." You'd been quick to bite back, a bratty trait he'd realized he'd admired.  "I ain't offering charity. I'm offering to fuck your pretty brains out." Toji pushed himself from the chair, a tug on your wrist to bring you closer. "Only thing is, I ain't going soft. You want me to fuck you, I'll do it my way." 

Megumi had moved out after graduating, one detail you hadn't been overly thankful for until now. His new home had resulted in less visits to Toji, though as of a recent exchange in numbers and an influx of flirtatious messages, it hadn't mattered much anymore. 

Pushing through Toji's door, a slam followed by smacking of lips and a tug of your jacket. In this moment, you'd been relieved you hadn't had to worry about another occupant finding you. At first, he'd had you up against the wall, a fiery kiss similar to that of weeks before, hands roaming the dress you'd had on, the curve of your figure, a rough lift of the skirt to encourage the removal of the garment. 

You'd followed along eagerly, shoes kicked off, dress thrown to the floor, Toji's shirt unbuttoned with shaking hand. He'd tasted like cigarettes and mint against your tongue when he'd pulled you toward his room, fingers wrapping to unclasp the bra you'd picked out earlier in the evening, the matching panties to follow. 

He'd been stripped to boxers, hardness exceedingly evident in the stretch of cotton, though he hadn't focused too much on his own ache before pleasing yours. Toji pulled the last item of clothing from you, drawing back to both admire the woman before him, and to spit over his fingers. They ghosted over your folds, pad of fingertip grazing over your clit. Hips bucking to his touch, you'd suppressed a moan. 

"Gotta warm you up." He'd been kneeling between your legs, thick fingers rubbing circles over your core as he watched you through lust-filled eyes. Back arching, teeth caught over lips. You looked pretty. 

One finger inside, then another. He pushed into you with ease, fingers slick with spit and wetness to create lewd sounds from between your legs. If you had been more focused, you'd have died of embarrassment, but with his thumb rubbing circles over your clit and his fingers pumping in and out of you, you'd lost your mind. Moans had left your lips with your hips rolling, legs spreading wider. He knew you were close, and so fast, too. 

"Toji, feels so good-" Drawn out words, eyes rolling back, "I'm gonna-" Interrupted by your own body's spasms, an orgasm washed over your twitching muscles and skin. He'd smirked while watching your face contort and stomach suck inward, a breathy laugh of amusement.  "Thaaat's it. Cum on my fingers." The gruff voice caressing your ear had you whining for more, a request he'd felt his duty to fulfill. 

You'd come down, and in that time Toji had rolled the condom over his length, pressing head to entrance.  "You sure 'bout this, pretty thing?" You'd nodded frantically, eyes opening to meet his.  "Fuck me, Toji. Please."  He exhaled through his grin. "Since you asked so nicely." 

You watched as his cock disappeared into you, a hiss through his teeth when feeling your warm cunt finally wrap around his dick. The sensation had been better than the one from his fingers, the fullness of his cock deep inside causing groans of pleasure. He drew back, hands gripping over your hips as he pushed in once more, a few languid strokes before he'd found a rhythm. 

Toji hadn't lied about going at it his way. He'd made sure to stuff you to hilt before drawing back, a bruising grip on your body. You'd been a mess under him, back pressed into the mattress when he'd leaned forward, suddenly placing an arm beside your heated cheek, moving to tilt your hips upward further and fuck at a deeper angle than before. There had been some pain to begin with, but it had subsided within a short few seconds, thrusts reaching cervix. 

"So fuckin' tight." He'd grunted while bullying into you, ragged breaths accompanying the slaps of his hips into your thighs. "Spread 'em wider." You'd done as he'd asked, the stretch of your muscles burning slightly, though with blurred vision and whines, Toji knew the deeper angle had pleased you even more. 

"Good girl." His hand tightened over your skin, air knocking from chest as he rolled his hips. "Jus' like that." Toji was growing closer, his thrusts sloppier as he fought back his high until he'd been unable to stop himself any longer. Thick ropes had filled the rubber, grunts leaving parted lips as he threw his head back. 

THIS POSTED BEFORE I HAD EDITED IT OOPS

[thebibliosphere]

tw: health stuff, medically restricted diet, weight loss.

Some small good news, the rapid weight loss I was experiencing has slowed. I'm no longer losing 1-2 lbs every few days. So that's good. Things were starting to get a bit hairy after losing 40 lbs in 3 months. (Still don't like how nonchalant several of my doctors have been about this.)

My energy is also somewhat recovering, thanks to the ridiculously high doses of b vitamin the GI doctor prescribed. I'm still exhausted, but it's more of a normal chronic fatigue and less of an "I don't think my body is getting enough oxygen" kind of hypoxia vibe I was starting to get.

Fucking b vitamins and my body's inability to absorb them from food.

I'm still experiencing excruciating bouts of pain, but less than I thought I would, given I'm on this high-fat diet for my upcoming testing. Like I'm still in agony, but I thought for sure it would get exponentially worse with the amount of dairy I'm consuming.

Anyway. Still alive. 👍

[katerinaaqu]

Survivor's Guilt and Survivor's Duty (P1)

Odysseus was hungry. That much he knew. Gods were really cruel with them the days that went through. He had returned from yet another hunt without any success. Not even a single rabbit was visible to Helios’s island. He was already feeling weary and light-headed with hunger; which was why he thought he was hallucinating when he smelt the finest smell of roasting meat he ever met in his life. However it took him no more than two brain cells of his infamous mind to connect the dots and realize what had happened.

“No! Gods no, let it be not what I think it is! Please gods no!”

His legs grew wings as he began sprinting towards the direction of the smell.

“Why did you lull me to that pointless sleep?! Why! It was all to ruin me? To ruin them?!”

He ran with all the strength of his feet to the field only to find what he hoped in all gods he believed in to be a hallucination. He saw what remained of his men from that eventful 3 year journey having lit a fire and roasting a fine cow to the pike, happy and well-fed. In the past days his men just broke. They could withstand hunger no longer and understandably they had only one source of nutrition on that island; those fat, well-kept cows that seemed to be mocking them. Of course his men would do that! Odysseus could not blame them and yet he pulled his long hair in desperation seeing the scene.

“ARE YOU ALL MENTAL? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MINDS?!” he yelled desperately drawing their attention, “I told you not to do that! These sacred animals will be our doom!”

Eurylochus, his trusted commander came forward. His eyes were full of snare and gathered anger.

“Captain,” he started, “did you expect us to starve to death? Not even one little bird was flying around and all the grass in this place turned poisonous for us! We would die anyways! This time we were doomed either way!”

The loud voice of the furious man was cut off from the sound of flesh striking against flesh and then Eurylochus’s head turned to the side. Odysseus was huffing and puffing; nostrils flattering aflame as he gathered his strong hand back.

“You fools!” he growled tears burning his onyx eyes, “you damned fools! This was a test! A test for our faith and we failed! We failed miserably! Haven’t you learnt anything? Insulting the gods is never a good idea! We should rather die of starvation than this! The gods will show no mercy on us now! We are doomed!”

“You would know of that!” Eurylochus suddenly bellowed beyond himself, “You doomed us all, Odysseus! If you haven’t done that we would be in our country by now! These three years happened because of you!”

This time it was a punch that stroke his cheek, not a slap. Eurylochus fell on the sand but he had no time to breathe for Odysseus grabbed him by the shirt lifting him up to his feet again. The comrades rushed there to grab him (oh they remembered his rage the other time nearly cost Eurylochus his life!) however Odysseus was almost as unmovable as a statue at that point. His face was red with fury.

“I tried to save us all!” he yelled, “Ungrateful bastard, I tried to save us all! I faced the beast that could have eaten us all! After everything I did for you! I-…”

He stopped. He shivered from top to bottom. Eurylochus was right. All had happened because of him. He had insulted Poseidon by blinding his son; he was arrogant enough to brag about it…no, even further back; Troy fell because of him. So many men died because of him. Ten years they fought a brutal war; they had endured the weather, the living conditions, the battles… More than 600 men started and finished the war with barely any loss…and now…less than 3 years out in the sea and… They started 12 ships and now they were one…less than 40 men left in one final ship…and all was initiated because of him…he could not deny it. He found no words to defend himself. Gradually he let go of Eurylochus, who wiped the blood off his lip with his fist. He noticed his men had gathered around to separate them from each other but it didn’t seem necessary anymore. The comrades had let him go, noticing he was almost limb in their arms. His onyx eyes were bottomless. No, it shouldn’t end like that! He had committed hubris to save his men and he doomed them, he had forced himself to bed a woman for one year after gods requested to rectify it and yet here they were again. None of the sacrifices seemed to be enough to wash that sin away. No, he couldn’t let them die like that! He had to try! He had promised he would repent! He had to save them before that happened!

“Gather up your stuff, men!” he ordered, eyes still shadowed by his hair, “We must go as soon as possible!”

“Go?” Polites asked, “Go where?”

“At ANY land!” Odysseus whispered, “Anywhere but here! We must offer a sacrifice of some kind! We must wash away this hubris!”

As he turned his back at them –oh he couldn’t face them now!- Eurylochus stood up and looked at him with eyes resembling knives.

“Should we take the rest of the meat too…Captain?” that word was almost spat like an insult, “Or shall we hope Poseidon will grace us with a meal?”

Odysseus winced. Eurylochus; his brave and loyal friend; the type of person that sure, didn’t tell him always nice things but he was always honest with him and always told him some things that needed to be said; now he seemed gone; All their adventures and torments had hardened him, killing his old comrade and giving him  in his place a bitter, hateful man who could understand no longer the difference between insolence, disrespect and honesty or couldn’t care less to tell them apart. Odysseus couldn’t blame him but at that moment he found his transformation disturbing and concerning. He glared daggers at him. The mention of the meat of the slain animals made even his mouth water. He was hungry too. They wouldn’t survive without food and yes, Poseidon sure wouldn’t allow them to fill their bellies with his fish given the situation and the sea birds even if they graced them with their presence, which he doubted, were inedible and poisonous. Gods forgive me, he thought, but I am just a man!

“Damn you!” he cursed under his husky breath, “Take what you wish! If we survive this, pray to all gods that I will forget this because by all gods one day I’m gonna kill you!”

He could hardly remember the process but he knew they were on their way again; so fast and so hastily inside their last black ship in the openness of the Mediterranean Sea. If it was in his hand, Odysseus would have stayed close to the shore but of course gods were cruel for yet another time as Helios’s magnificent isle lay in the middle of open sea. He had no choice but to head for the sea and hope for the best. He knew there were lands close by; if they could reach them… For six days the trip was uneventful and his comrades had as provisions the meat from the slain animals to feast upon. Even Odysseus had to admit he had tasted the magnificent flesh of the animals, for he could withstand hunger no more. However six days of such a trip and he was always expecting the worst, which never seemed to be coming. His nerves just broke. It was the seventh day of their journey; still no sight of any land and still he hadn’t spoken a word. He was staring at the endless blue of the wine-dark sea and he didn’t speak a word. He could sense his comrades’ tension in the air; he could almost cut it with a knife! And yet, Odysseus could not focus on that. Polites looked up from the deck towards him and then towards Eurylochus who still had his cheek swollen.

“He’s so lost in thought…” Polites commented

“He should be!” Eurylochus replied bitterly, “He might be our king but sometimes he has a lot of nerve to talk to us that way! It was HIS hubris that brought us to this position!”

“Now that is both unfair and blasphemous to our king!” Polites replied

“He is no god for me to perform blasphemy!” Eurylochus replied as a matter of fact

Polites sighed.

“We have our own share of responsibility, you know! If we hadn’t opened that damned sack we might have reached home as well!”

Eurylochus winced at the reminder of Aiolus sack. Yes, that truly was their mistake. They got overcome by greed and distrust.

“And, besides, what Odysseus said is true. You and I were never there. We didn’t experience the week of seclusion in that hole. Perhaps we would have done the same…”

Eurylochus sighed defeated.

“Yeah…perhaps you’re right. And he DID spend a year entertaining Circe till our comrades healed… However…” his face darkened a bit, “I still cannot shake it off, Polites! It is majorly his fault we ended up like this! And he DID keep secrets from us. Or have you forgotten how he kept his mouth shut about Skylla? Six of our comrades dead…and we didn’t even know what was coming…”

“He wanted to spare us…”

“Yeah I am sure he suffered, alright, but we still had the right to know! Perhaps we could have come up with a plan together. Perhaps we could have fought back!”

“Fight back an immortal six-headed dragon? I am not sure how that would have worked but…even if you are right and he should have told us, that doesn’t change the fact that he is here with us now. If he wanted he could have stayed with the witch, Circe and sent us off and we would have no directions and no warnings.”

“He didn’t do that for us, Polites”

“Not entirely, I agree, but wouldn’t be fair to say that he did it for us as well?”

Eurylochus sighed.

“Fine, but seriously it was such a long trip and even longer way… I just want to go home!”

“We all do…” Polites whispered concerned.

Yes, ten years of war plus three years of wandering and danger…more than five hundred good men dead… Everyone could understand the feeling.

“I agree with Eurylochus, though…” said another man, “It was all a big mess that initiated when Odysseus insulted Lord Poseidon. I had warned him that day! I said, stop provoking him! He didn’t listen… We are all paying the price now…”

Polites sighed. Yes, he couldn’t deny that but still it seemed rather unfair to say it was just Odysseus’s fault. If anything, Odysseus was sacrificing many things along the way to protect and save them. He shivered in disgust remembering that he was told he had turned into a swine because he entered Circe’s palace. He felt grateful to Odysseus for rescuing him from such a fate. And yet… He still couldn’t shake that ominous feeling that something would happen and Odysseus’s silence wouldn’t help. Not bearing it any longer he slowly approached Odysseus. He didn’t acknowledge his presence. The silence was deafening. Only the cricking of the ship and the sound of the waves could be heard. There was no land at sight anywhere. It was quiet…WAY too quiet…

“Odysseus…” Polites started, “we…”

“Sh!” Odysseus harshly shushed him

“Please, I have to say it…” Polites insisted, “We were starving we made a mistake but-…”

“Quiet!” came yet another whisper

Polites gulped soundly, opening and closing his fist nervously.

“Odysseus…” he started, “Have we ruined everything…?”

Odysseus looked at him and he seemed ready to reply but then he raised his head sharply towards the sail and then to the ripples of the waves. All color left his face.

“Odysseus…? What is it…?”

“That is Eastern Wind…” Odysseus whispered almost in a panic, “That is Zephyr that is blowing at us! That’s not normal! Not at this time of year!”

He almost jumped from his standing point, suddenly seen afraid maybe for the first time in a long time if not ever in his life before.

“MEN! PREPARE YOURSELVES! STORM MIGHT BE COMING!”

His comrades didn’t have enough time to question if he lost it or not (given the clear skies around them) because in a few minutes the weather changed so drastically and rapidly that people could only suspect a god was causing it. Black clouds filled the sky in a matter of a few minutes and then suddenly the distant sound of a thunder was heard.

“No…” Odysseus whispered, “No…please, lord Zeus no! Forgive us…please!”

Strong winds raised as a matter of seconds and suddenly the deep blue sea turned into a full-fledged storm. The waves rose in angry white foam and the skies were black like coal with flashes of lightning and thunder. Rain followed that was cold and whipping their faces like needles. The men cried out in fear.

“EURYLOCHUS!” Odysseus bellowed on top of his lungs, “SECURE THE SAIL!”

“SECURE THE SAILS!” Eurylochus transferred the order, “ALL HANDS ON DECK!”

The panic galore was not allowing the orders to properly pass however the soul of the sailor cannot be abided by panic! All hands on deck began to work frantically; they commenced running up and down grabbing the chords and the lines, some of them already climbing to the mast to secure the sail. However it seemed the rage of gods was stronger than the determination of men and their burning wish for survival. A strong current of wind torn the sail to peaces sending quite a few falling on the deck.

“LEAVE IT!” Odysseus yelled as a strong wave splashed over him, “BEFORE THE WIND! HOLD ON TIGHTLY MEN!”

As the ship was played around on the waves like a toy, the terrified warriors and tired sailors would be desperately trying to use the rows to turn the ship; do something, ANYTHING to prevent themselves from crushing on the waves. The sail was now torn to shreds; like the cape of a dethroned king, aimlessly whipping against the mast at the strong wind.

“BEFORE THE WIND!” Odysseus kept screaming over the wind, grabbing the line of the sail in a desperate attempt to keep the material from hitting anyone on deck, “ROW MEN! ROW!”

The ship was being pushed mercilessly upon the waves; creaking and moaning against the wind. Three pairs of rows snapped like twigs leaving the ship spinning aimlessly to the winds. The black ship began to tear apart as cracks and gushes appeared to the sides. The deck started taking water both from below and above from the waves.

“SHE’S TAKING WATER!” one of the sailors cried

“REPAIR THE DAMAGES!” Odysseus cried out in desperation running as he was already ankle-deep in water, “WE MUST KEEP HER AFLOAT!”

It was a pointless order and he knew it. No matter how many times they stuffed torn pieces of the sail in the holes it would be pointless. They were already soaked to the bone, they had no way of lighting fire or softening the wax to fix anything. They were just trying to delay the inevitable and they were failing miserably.

“Lord Zeus…father of all mankind and gods please forgive us!” Odysseus prayed again, “Please, we shall repent! Give us a chance! Poseidon! Oh, Poseidon, please give me a chance!”

The disturbing creaking of wood being slowly broken didn’t need much for Odysseus to understand.

“WATCH OUT!” he cried out

Both the fore-stays of the mast snapped like twigs. The mast began to fall in a disturbing creak and collapsed to the stern. The pilot did not have time but to look up at his upcoming doom as the mast crushed him. Even above the tempest the men heard the disturbing sound of bones breaking as his head was crushed and blood splattered upon the stern. The body fell into the black sea, lifeless and soulless. At the sight of that death there was panic galore. No one heard the orders Odysseus was screaming; no one had any mind but to run up and down aimlessly like ants that were seeing their colony collapse. All they could do was scream their upcoming doom. In a foolish hope or rather a crazy need to survive, Odysseus rushed to the half-broken stern, grabbing the remains of the steer; his hands being died with the blood of the pilot.

“No! No! NO!”

He used all the strength of his mighty hands to do something…ANYTHING to steer the ship away the storm. His hands began bleeding out of the effort upon the splints of the destroyed wood.

“Gods no! Not again! No! No!”

The waves were raising the ship to the heaven and dropping it back down like a walnut shell as people were holding for dear life at the remains of their already tearing apart ship. The steer snapped in the hands of Odysseus and fell into the black sea never to be seen again.

“PREPARE FOR IMPACT!” Odysseus cried out, “HOLD ON!”

Therewith the worst came; a thunderbolt stroke the ship and the sudden flash and tremendous sound left them all blind and deaf. Odysseus screamed in pain shielding his ears. The ship cracked from side to side down in the middle; splintering in the winds like it was a pile of leaves. Ears buzzing and his nose filled with smoke from the fiery fire that lit upon the sad remains of the deck, Odysseus staggered to his feet, struggling to get two steps straight, trying to see through the sulphurous smoke (the only thing he could see was his comrades or what was left of them staggering on the ruins of their ship like drunk) when the last tidal wave came to finish the job. The wave must have been as tall as the remains of the ship as it flooded with tremendous force on the deck sweeping everything…and everyone! Odysseus got violently banged against the hull but he watched in terror through his cloudy from water eyes his comrades falling into the water screaming aimlessly for it was the only thing they could do.

“NOOOOOO!” Odysseus could only cry out as he ran to the rim

He watched the bodies of his men almost like small white dots to the absolute blackness; already almost a mile away, sometimes disappearing under the waves at the force of the tempest. Odysseus nearly lost the remains of his wits as he ran about the ship trying to find literally ANYTHING he could use. Another surge torn apart parts of the keel and the mast snapped from it. Odysseus reacted almost automatically as he rushed to the broken ropes and parts of the keel and mast. His hands and thick fingers began working frantically, almost completely unconsciously as water was hurting his eyes and rain was feeling as if piercing his flesh. All his Being was screaming for him to save himself; to survive! However that tiny part of his brain was tingling to him; maybe there are some men who are still alive! Maybe there is time!

“Please Athena! Please Athena…let me save them! It can’t be too late!” he was mumbling as he was securing the ropes so that the two pieces of wood would tie together, “Please, Pallas please! Let me save just one! Please! Let me return home just one! Please! Please! It can’t be too late! I can’t lose them all!”

Yet another thunder from the skies made him jump and then the remains of his favorite ship were torn apart! Odysseus grabbed upon his last raft of salvation. He jumped into the merciless ocean, rowing frantically with his hand towards the direction he saw his men disappear.

“EURYLOCHUS!” he cried out over the waves, “POLITES! ANYONE! ANSWER ME!”

The only answer he got was thunder and wind. The waves were tall like mountains!

“POLITES!” he called out again

Tears filled his eyes as his voice broke.

“SOMEONE!...P-Please! Anyone! Anyone…!”

There was nothing on site…just waves and storm.

“No…” Odysseus cried, “NOOOOOOOO!!!”

Realization was crueler than what he would expect…there was no one…just himself! He cried…he cried loudly as he never cried before.

“NOOO! WHY! WHY! WHY!” he yelled over the waves, “IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN-…”

His mind and wits nearly escaped him. He remembered that day before their sail for Troy…there were more than six hundred men…waiting for their dangerous trip…

*

Odysseus was standing before his men; the future fleet that was ready for this uncertain trip. Odysseus, dressed in his fine clothes, his long hair neatly brushed and beard trimmed, was looking at them seriously.

“We are heading for a dangerous trip, my men…” he said, “The road is long and we have no idea how long it will take for us to finish with the holy castle of Troy… If we result in war…there is no guarantee it will end soon…”

His onyx eyes stared deeply within countless others of pairs.

“I cannot lie to you, men…I cannot promise you that we shall all return home safely”

He drew a deep breath.

“However I promise you this; I shall do ANYTHING within my power so we can return home safely! I won’t disappoint you!”

*

Back to the present Odysseus cried. He weakly hit his fist upon the mast.

“No…” he sobbed, “I won’t disappoint you…!”

Six hundred men…they were all gone…disappeared… He began hyperventilating. No, it couldn’t be true!

“No…No, Athena! No Athena!” he cried trying to fist the water beneath him as if it were sand, “No, Pallas…! No… No, my men…! NOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO!”

He yelled till his throat was sore…till his voice was gone…he sobbed and cried tears almost as plenty as the waves of the sea. The storm was roaming around him… There was no one there to hear his lament… His voice was carried around by the wind…his tears were washed away by sea and rain…His body was borne by the direful winds…

Six hundred men had started that fateful journey…

Now there was only one…

Now he was alone.

*

The tempest began slowly to subside and the eastern wind gave his place to a breeze from the south. Odysseus was hanging helplessly upon his supposed raft. The nightly fight with the waves had exhausted him and his tears had long now dried out like the salt in his curly hair. His head was already dropping in fatigue when something made him look up. His eyes widened in terror.

“No…” he whispered

He recognized the location. In his pure terror he recognized the narrow path of Skylla and Charybdis; the passage he had struggled so much to get his men out of; the passage that cost the life of six of his comrades. What was worse…he heard an unworldly moan from deep down the sea. His feet felt the low frequency vibration…and then there was a whirlpool. Charybdis had awakened!

“No!” Odysseus cried out, “No, gods, no!”

The merciless current and the frightening groaning from deep down the sea started drawing him. Odysseus at the edge of his wit began frantically rowing with his hand; desperate in his fear to get away from the deathly current that would suck anything to its path! At that moment he remembered Circe’s warnings;

“You must not be there when she sucks it down; for no one could save you from the ruin not even the Earthshaker himself…”

“I HAVE TO TRY, CIRCE!” Odysseus yelled towards the sky in his panic, “I have to try or else my men’s deaths were for nothing!”

The merciless current though wouldn’t bulge as Odysseus realized in terror his pitiful attempts could never save him from this hellish force. The two pieces of wood that were forming his only salvation were being dragged in the ruthless elix. The water was already foaming when he reached the grotto. In panic he scanned the perimeter. Only then his eyes remembered what his brain had erased in fear; the fig tree! Circe had said there was that fig tree shadowing Charybdis! The massive roots and branches were hanging over him; it was his only hope! With strength only panic and adrenaline could give him, Odysseus pushed himself on top of the last remains of his ship and kicked as hard as he could. He had only one chance. His wounded and red hands grasped for dear life onto the rough branches and thank goodness his fingers closed around them!

“ARGH!” Odysseus cried in pain feeling as though his arms would be uprooted out of his own weight, “GODS!”

His legs helplessly hanging over the abyss were desperately moving trying to find a footing but there was none! His arms didn’t have the strength to pull him up at the tree either so he could only hang and hold for dear life. Odysseus dared to look down and saw in terror the gaping hole sucking in the sea and with it his only safety raft. His wet hands would slip and fall if it weren’t for the sheer determination that held him! He prayed to all gods that he knew and didn’t know that this time, just this time, he would find salvation; that his small raft would be vomited out of that whirlpool otherwise he would be lost… The growling rumble from beneath the watery abyss signaled the begin of the outside movement to what it seemed like an eternity later.

“Please gods…please…please…” he was thinking like a mantra

And then he spotted it! The small brownish outline of his mast and keel. He would have a chance! Fear was biting his stomach as he looked down at the whirlpool vomiting out seawater. He knew he had to act quickly or he would have no hope to swim to his raft in that condition. Charybdis below him seemed ready to swallow him even if she was vomiting out the water. What if she really swallowed him if he let go? What if he would be destroyed by some wave? Odysseus looked and looked and the seconds seemed like eons to his tormented heart that was flattering within his chest. He shut his eyes closed; to not see; to not fear and he made his decision

He let go of the branch.

Gravity claimed his body as he fell to the empty space and within the foaming water. The water was hot; hotter than human body temperature and to the tormented king of Ithaca who was freezing from water that seemed like a boiling cauldron. His ears were filled with the sound of bubbles and the hellish growling of Charybdis. He didn’t dare to look; only he paddled like his life depended on it (and it did!) . The suction force that was pushing him upwards this time was with him. Odysseus felt his lungs burning for air and he nearly breathed in the sea water as he hadn’t got a proper breath before diving in the sea. And he was pushed up and up till he was vomited out of the water and drew a soundly breath. He swam frantically till his raft and grabbed onto it with his wounded hands for dear life coughing salted water; nose and eyes aflame from the salt. He rowed and rowed with his hand almost immediately after he caught some breaths. He turned around towards the OTHER dreadful site.

“If Skylla comes out…I’m lost!” he thought

However the dreadful cave that hosted the monster that claimed the lives of six of his crew remained dark and silent. Nothing came out. Odysseus wasted no time and rowed and paddled like crazy to get as far away as possible from that dreadful area. He didn’t know how far Charybdis or Skylla’s ranges were but he certainly didn’t want to know! That was knowledge that even Odysseus of Ithaca, the Man of many Ways could pass on! After what seemed like a full eternity and when the sun was setting for good at the horizon, Odysseus had covered enough distance to see the grotto from afar. He collapsed onto his mast, drawing raspy breaths till his chest began to hurt. He seemed he had no more strength to move. His hands were full of wounds from the ship and the tree branches and hurt from salted water, his lips were torn from the sea and salt had crusted onto his face and hair. Then Odysseus broke down. He cried silently alone in the middle of the sea; he cried for his men he lost, he cried for his dreams that seemed to becoming fainter and fainter; the dreams to embrace his wife and son and he cried for himself. He had barely any hope to survive. He had no men; sea had claimed them. He had no vessel; the storm had claimed it. He had no food or water; those were gone long time ago. He barely had any clothes on for even those were soaked and already tearing apart from the wind and sea. What was the point to keep going, he thought? What would be the point to struggle? He had slim to no possibilities to escape. He was alone in the open sea without protection in Poseidon’s territory. Any kind of sea creature from the usual sharks till the dangerous creatures he faced so far, could potentially kill him.

“I should have died there!” he thought, “Alas this fate is worse than the death in the ship! This agony! Oh, gods I can’t bear it anymore!”

“You are made to endure, Odysseus…”

That was what his grandfather had told him when he visited him in Parnassus what seemed like an eternity prior; almost in another life. However even the tormented Odysseus had his limits. And now these seemed surpassed. Maybe he should let go; allow the sea to take him and end his torment. Maybe he could meet his family in a few decades in the underworld… Why struggle for the inevitable? And yet a small voice to the back of his head made him think that he could not give up just yet; that he had to keep trying and if the sea would claim him then so let it be written, so let it be done. However he had to try and fulfill the prophecy of Tiresias. He felt like he owned this to the 600 lives that were lost under his command. He looked up at the stars that seemed to have started to form. Yes, he would follow the directions that the night dress of Nyx was pointing at. Finding strength anew, the Man Tormented paddled slowly and steadily away from the dreadful spot…

*

Odysseus traveled once more; this time alone and grabbing upon the last remains of his beloved black ship… The night came cold and he was shivering. By the morning another storm caught up with him and his mast was once more drifted by the huge waves that resembled white top mountains, tearing apart his clothes and his flesh. And yet his hands endured… It was as if his heart and hands combined turned into oak or stones. The Man of many Torments endured. Next day the sun was merciless over his head, sending him almost to the brief of hallucinations and heat as sweat was running down his already wounded body. The night the gods felt pity on him and sent a drizzle rain. Odysseus raised his head to the heavens trying to grab as much of the fresh god-sent water as if that would be enough to quench his insatiable thirst and the burning of the salt. Once a passing seaweed came close to him to which Odysseus made some sort of imitation of a meal for himself. How many times he nearly slipped off his life-raft he lost count…how many times he probably actually fainted on it he could no longer remember. And yet, the King of Ithaca endured…in strength that he had no idea he had. It was as if both his body and spirit had decided he had a duty to survive. He survived the agony and pain as well as the anxiety and fear every time something touched his foot beneath the waves or a passing fish would bite his legs. He had long stopped feeling much.

By night before the tenth day of his painful journey he had collapsed. He didn’t feel the sand beneath his body as his raft finally beached at a sandy beach. He didn’t move as some crab or beach beetle walked over his sea-beaten body. By dawn some hints of his consciousness returned. It was only for a brief second that the rays of sun touched his salt-crusted cheek but Odysseus saw or at least he thought he saw a tall slender figure picking something up from the beach many meters away from him (maybe a seashell). The figure turned towards him and walked there.

And then everything turned black…

~~~~~

Ooookay guys this the first part from my Odyssey story! Poor Odysseus loses everything and gets beached in Ogygia.

Rhapsody 12 must be the most intense or one of the most intense of all the Odyssey and honest the way that Homer describes how Odysseus survived had to be kept as it was from my part!

Poor Odysseus must have passed from all the stages of grief at once!

Now I get extremely inspired by music and soundtracks for my stories. For example the Charybdis description was heavily inspired by the amazing Disney soundtrack for the movie "Dinosaur" with the title "The End of Our Island"

For his eventful journey I was partially inspired by Mozart's "Kyrie" from the Great Mass in C Minor and also the scene from the film "Les Triplettes de Belville" for the battle with the elements especially the storm and all.

For the sinking itself I was inspired by various soundtracks and pieces of music.

For my story I kinda take the hypothesis that Ogygia was in fact the small island of Gozo in Malta

As the other time I shall tag some of my amazing commentors/rebloggers and friends! (again forgive me if I forget anyone)

@loco-bird @aaronofithaca05 @tunguszka20 @doob-or-something @jarondont @prompted-wordsmith @simugeuge @fangirlofallthefanthings @ilov3b00kss0much

[requiemfordreams]

Some tips that helped me lose weight while having an ed and preventing dizziness, fatigue hair loss, and brain fog.

For some reason eating after 2pm has reduced my cravings alot.

Chewing sugar free gum helps alot. Most of them contain sorbitol for the sweet taste and consuming sorbitol in a large amounts can lead to it acting as a laxative.

Coffee. To keep you full and again another laxative. But it can only be had hot for it to work.

Dry fruits. They contain little to no calories and prevent you from feeling dizzy.

Some junk foods are considered empty caloric foods because they do not provide any sort of good calories that your body can use, which can lead to your body storing them. So if you can find a low empty calorie food, you can sometimes eat them to keep yourself full. I should note this might not work for some people but it has worked for me.

What also has worked for me is make the same lunch to take to school, which is really low cal and because it is my comfort food and it helps me not think about food and since I spend 9 hours at school, not counting the 40 mins it takes me to and fro from school, I'm able to spend an ample amount of time not eating and that works wonders

and if my parents asks me to eat, I just say I shared my friends' lunch and I'm full.

I m like to distract myself from eating everytime I have a craving by chugging alot of water, which is first good for your health and keeps your belly full for longer.

I take multivitamins to keep up with all the necessary nutrient needs.

I also drink like 30gms of protein powder with water to help with my muscles, and also because protein helps in losing calories.

Fruits. Especially watermelons. They are so full of water, a cup of watermelons contains 46 kcal and can make you feel full really fast and they are packed with the good kinds of carbohydrates, vitamin A, C, and B6, full of potassium and absolutely no fats or sodium.

Cucumbers. Again, water based with almost little to no calories to them.

If you are having hair loss problems, biotin is a great supplement for hair and so is protein.

Try as much as you can to make sure you're not alone too long. Because when nobody is there around you, you're more prone to giving into your urges. So if you see that in you, try being around as much people as possible.

Coconut water is a great drink to help balance your electrolytes and keep your nutrients to the level.

Coconut oil and if you're Indian, ghee is great for your hair because it makes your hair more healthy and strong. It would be best if you kept your hair oiled overnight before washing and not just a few hours.

If it helps, because it has worked with me, even though I look fat, I tell everyone around me about how little I eat or how healthy I eat. And sometimes if I have to eat with other people, I will only have half of the food I ordered and ask if anyone can finish it because I'm not used to having so much food. Or I already had such a big breakfast that this seems too much. The little lies, that make you feel accountable into not eating so much even when you're alone.

I like to avoid sodas and energy drinks even if they're diet soda or not, because they honestly have way too many calories that your body can retain.

Masturbating. It's weird but five mins of it can lead to losing 400kcals and that's worth a bit of something.

Studying. It doesn't feel like it but you use alot more calories when you're concentrating on your work.

Sitting up straight. The will of keeping your shoulders straight and your spine straight, it takes up alot of calories because your body is not used to you doing that.

Doing chores around the house that require you to be on your feet.

Drink alot of water. But not too much.

Make a habit of waking up at a certain time in the morning and sleeping at a certain time. This makes way for a more disciplined mind, and more will power and honestly, not only do you not get so much fatigue or dizziness, it cultivates good sleeping habit. Which is not only good for the body, it also helps you stay focused in classes.

There is a certain set of yoga called the suryanamaskar which promotes good cardiovascular health and if you do 12 sets of it everyday, helps in losing calories. And they are so simple and easy for you to do if you don't feel like you have much energy.

I don't have more but if I do, I'll reblog and add them.

[drtanner]

God. I'm pissed off again and you're all going to hear about it.

Some of you may know that I'm finally in a position to get my top surgery done on the NHS. I've been on their waitlist for a full year and it's finally my turn! But god, they're being asses about my BMI.

Some context: If you're trans, you can get top and bottom surgery on the NHS, but they have some really strict rules about BMI. Most top surgeons and all surgeons who perform bottom surgery require your BMI to be below 30. A few top surgeons will take you if your BMI is below 40, but you'll have to travel to see them and appointments are limited and hard to get. Over 40 BMI and you've got no options. The stated reason for this is that it's supposedly harder to get good results if they have to excise too much fat during the surgery. I'll let you decide how plausible that really is.

My BMI is a little over 40, by about 3.5kg, so not a huge amount. My fat percentage is a bit under 34, so it's not that I'm terribly fat, I just have a lot of muscle and very heavy bones! The surgeon himself - as well as every other medical professional who sees me - was surprised at how heavy I am given my size when he examined me last year and took Before pictures. My upper body is actually very lean and they know this because they've seen me! However, they're still being shits about my BMI, because BMI doesn't discriminate between muscle and fat, or how broad someone is, or how heavy their bones are or anything else, and apparently that's the only metric they go by. I've always had difficulty losing weight, probably because there really isn't that much to lose, so being told that I've now got to find a way to lose at least 3.5kg by October or have my surgery date pushed back isn't ideal and I'm getting really strung out about it. I've spent most of the last 15 years trying to get my BMI down without losing the muscle I worked so hard to build up or cut my leg off with fuck all success. I've been stable at my current weight for most of the last decade but now I have to figure out how to drop down to 121.5kg within three months.

The amount of hoops one has to jump through to get access to any kind of trans healthcare is absolutely ridiculous, a direct result of all the stupid handwringing about "permanent, irreversible surgeries!!!" and so on, as if I can't make choices about my own body.

Only, all of this bullshit about my weight and my BMI reminded me of something else: About ten years ago, when I was also getting shit about my weight (again, despite not being terribly fat, just heavy!), I got referred to a weight clinic. After seeing dieticians and being put on a drastically restricted calorie intake to no avail, I got shuffled off to the weight clinic, where they did the same blood tests that my GP had done before she referred me, saw that they came back normal again, unsurprisingly, and then promptly offered me bariatric surgery.

This was presented as the only treatment they were able to give to help me with my weight loss, to cut out part of my stomach and staple it back together to make it much, much smaller, because they didn't believe me when I told them I was controlling my diet. Like, oh yes, you say you aren't overeating all the time, but just to make sure you can't eat too much, we're going to make your stomach tiny so that you physically cannot fit food into it anymore. I've never heard anything good about bariatric surgery from anyone who had it. Every story is a horror story, from people who can't eat without stomach pain anymore, or keep down anything heavier than soup anymore, or who suffered through all of this only for what little weight they lost to come back in a few years' time. That was the only help they were willing to offer me.

I got up and left, and didn't go back again after that.

So, contrast these two situations. On one hand, I'm grappling with the NHS over my top surgery for entirely stupid reasons because it's ludicrously difficult to access any kind of trans healthcare, but especially surgeries, because they're "permanent and irreversible!!!" and "you might regret it!!!!" or whatever. Meanwhile, they couldn't throw bariatric surgery at me hard enough, just because my BMI was high. Is cutting out a huge piece of my stomach to make it smaller not "permanent or irreversible"? Might I not regret that? Especially when there's no guarantee that it would achieve the desired result at all? I know what I'm likely to get from the top surgery, but somehow that's the one nobody wants me to have.

Anyway, sorry about the long post. It's a fucking dogshit situation and I'm fucking sick of it.

[flagellant]

lmao the obesity article from huffpo you reblogged is so insanely incorrect

First off, the whole "Your body is just doing what it's supposed to do, you're fat because you're MEANT to be fat!" while also saying "about 40 years ago, Americans started getting much larger" hmm... Why only Americans? Why only 40 years ago?

That seems odd, that Americans, specifically, would suddenly change to being naturally fat. Even today America has a much higher rate of obesity than other places like Japan. How is that? Wonder what would be discovered if we looked at when things like beet sugar, corn syrup, etc. started to be commonly added to foods 🤔

And then the "diets don't work!" spiel, along with emotionally charged reports of people starving themselves until they passed out.

What diets specifically doesn't work? Were the people getting enough calories? Did they stop the diet, and then the weight came back? Did they start with small, gradual changes or completely overhaul their entire meal plan right away?

They say "95% to 98% of research shows diets fail" what research? What studies? What was the sample size? What were people eating? Were they given any help to maintain their diet or encourage any other healthy habits, or were they just given a list of foods to eat and sent on their way?

It sounds like ALL the diets they talk about in the article are shitty. People starving themselves, people doing useless fad diets, etc. and presenting it as if weight loss is IMPOSSIBLE. Which is crazy, considering all the people I've seen who lose weight, maintain the loss, and feel insanely better than they did when they were obese.

Maybe it's not that "diets" don't work, but that the diet industry doesn't work? After all, what would happen if they encouraged people to change their relationship with food completely, starting with small, gradual changes, and work on fixing their gut microbiome and cutting out unnecessary things from their diet like processed sugars, corn syrup, etc? Then people would lose weight. Then they wouldn't need expensive diet plans anymore.

And then the industry has no more customers. Just like if Apple makes phones that actually work and aren't pieces of trash, then they wouldn't be making money from people buying new iPhones every other year. Same with the clothing industry, and the pharmaceutical industry, and every other industry.

For someone who always talks about people researching things and checking out the sources on information before automatically believing it ya'll don't seem very good at it lmao

I'd like to start off with saying that I definitely agree with you in that the way the diet industry is structured exists to predate upon invented insecurities, just like nearly any cosmetics aimed at body alteration to some degree (makeup included). We also agree that it is fundamentally built to ensure failure and ongoing failure as a norm, in the same way that we're never going to get a proper cure for cancer when the cancer industry is so insanely prevalent and profitable.

That said, I understand your...frustration, let's call it, sure, about the fact that no, I did not do any further digging into this and took it at its word. You have my apologies for that.

However. I'd like to use this as a tool for transparency and assuming best intent. Your tone and treatment of me in this is rather hostile and I don't see the purpose that it serves. If I'm someone who claims to find accuracy in reporting important, then yes, accuracy needs to be had. And it was as simple as just Googling "95% diets fail". First result is an article from the NYT debunking it and explaining why it's a myth and bad statistics.

But that same article gets me to the heart of why I'm writing things out this way: you brought it up yourself, in fact, though in deciding to get petty you probably missed the subtext. For over forty years now these numbers have been used and spread around to the point where countless literal professional doctors don't have any idea that it's false. After all, we live in a society where diet industries have for pretty much ever been able to operate with nearly no regulation, fat people aren't actually given a shit about from medical professionals and are just told to get GPS, etc...you could even say this is a systemic issue which started long before I and likely you (and most reading this) were born.

Nobody learns these things on accident. You're absolutely right that if I looked it up and researched the claims I could easily have found out their validity to be nonexistent. But why would I? This isn't new research. This isn't anything that goes against anything I was ever taught. It's just a fact of life, just the way things are. People thought the universe was geocentric.

So with that said, I have to admit that while I've done my best to not vent my irritation at you or anyone else, it is deeply frustating, sure, we'll call it, to have you walk up to me and act in this way. It would be one thing if this wasn't a case of unlearning systemic bias and normativity. That'd be on me, absolutely.

But instead of thinking things through like an emotionally mature individual and going "Hm, this dude who says it finds research/accuracy important posted some stuff which was wrong, which I'm aware has a history going back multiple decades and is still going strong. Maybe the reason they didn't do any followup research was because they've lived their entire life hearing this same statistic over and over again and therefore thought that their systemic biases were accurate and saw nothing wrong because they couldn't,"

you decided to be a cunt for no fucking reason and you knew it because you had to go on Anonymous to hide any possible consequences coming your way for your actions. So thanks for informing me about this, I'm genuinely grateful and we, again, completely fucking agree ideologically, but/so fuck you for thinking that acting like a fucking 10th grader with a gotcha was a better use of anyone's time than just typing out "Hey that diet thing you reblogged is actually completely false if you look it up" to which I would have gone "Oh shit you're right, here's some followup research I did about this thing and how it's a systemic bias that needs to be unlearned".

[fatmasc]

I hope this isn't rude of me to ask, but, I am thinking of starting T soon but I am afraid of losing my hair. I notice that you have slight hair loss and wondered if it was because of being on T or another reason? I really hope this isn't rude, I am curious as I am a fat guy and I don't know if hairloss is as common with us? Thanks so much if you answer, it's totally okay if you don't want to

i actually don't have hair loss, i just have very VERY fine and low density hair (meaning my individual hairs are very thin and i don't have a lot of them). my hair has always been this way, likely bc of my thyroid autoimmune issues. when it comes to hair loss on T, what I know is that it has a lot more to do with genetics than anything else. if the men in ur family exhibit male pattern baldness after a certain age, you are very likely to develop it at that age too if u go on T. I expect to experience hair loss in my 30s-40s bc of the trends i see in the cis men in my family. To my knowledge, being fat has no impact on this

[cleansecret]

--- DIET & WORK OUT PLAN

Since I am short, I need less calories than a tall person. = 1400 calories daily with minimum 65g of protein (cut sugar, eat clean). 2L of water everyday and lots of tea!

Run for 40 to 60 minutes a day, do minimum 30 minute elongating pilates.

Drink a lot of warm tea and at least 2L of water.

I will listen to multiple fat loss and 20 cm waist subliminals 🌸

Lymphatic drainage massage, gua sha daily.

Do calming yoga before sleep and after waking up

[fandomshatefatpeople]

I've been fat my whole life. Ever since I was a kid. And ever since I was a kid I've been mocked, bullied, ridiculed, insulted and even physically assaulted for being fat. To the point I ended up with an eating disorder and lost a lost of weight. Way too fast. In a way that wasn't healthy at all. But I still wasn't happy. Because I couldn't recognize myself anymore. And I felt like i was just doing this for other people. But it's just so hard for me to accept my body. It just feels like I'll never be happy with it no matter what

I'm so sorry we haven't answered this. I know that this is a triggering ask so I'm gonna add all the tags i possibly can followers.

I'm actually a lot like you Nonny. I was a chubby kid, then got my period at 10 because I was so fat. I had an eating disorder by 14 and while it didn't last long (the bulimia at least) I kinda got comfortable in my skin even though I slowly crawled back up to my previous weight I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. So the meds they put me on made me gain weight (50 pounds in 6 months). There after I did yoyo dieting and exercising flirted with bulimia again but it didn't work this time.

I'm not telling you this to trauma dump. I want you to consider my age and experience. I'm in my early forties. And its like... part of the reason I wasn't happy with my body was because I grew up with magazines and tv and movies constantly showing me thin ppl.

i don't think I stopped yoyo dieting until the cycle of yoyp dieting made me hit 250 lbs (I'm only 5'2) by then i was like 28/30ish. And like I think what changed was that I was watching media with like Donna from Parks and Rec, Shirley Bennet from Community. And they were never made to feel ugly for being fat. It was eye opening. (spoiler alert even though I'm not black Ugly betty was like more of the same thin ppl are the only that matter).

I don't think I really got comfortable in my skin until I joined pinterest about 7 or 8 years ago and got fed a steady stream of fat people in cute outfits.

Its still hard to find fat representation though. And I started looking into romance novels with chubby and fat protagonists about 5 years ago. Most notably the Brown sisters trilogy. They're all overweight and they all have these handsome men falling head over heels with them.

But like its one thing to admire people on pinterest with cute outfits. its a complete other thing to actually shop for yourself and give yourself permission to buy cute clothes.

One strange thing that happened about 3 years ago was that I gained like 40 pounds and all of my boring clothes didn't fit me anymore.

So this time shopped on lane bryant for cute dresses and jeans. and torrid, and hot topic. I started playing with makeup. (before I had like a uniform of jeans).

I'm not gonna lie people will *always* praise you for losing weight even if its because you're literally sick with an eating disorder or having health problems. (a friend of mine who did belly dancing lost like 30 pounds like really fast because all of the sudden she couldn't process meat anymore everyone fawned over her weight loss). she was literally starving and people wouldn't stop cooing over her skinniness.

I don't know what to think about society at large and their obsession with thinness. I've tried telling my family that I no longer want to keep clothes from when I was 250ish and they're all like "oh don't worry you'll lose the weight!!!"

I'm like bitch please. But its exhausting having people encourage you to lose weight. If you want you can message us off anon!!!

*hugs*

mod laina

[dasha-aibo]

So hey, I heard people wanted to hear about my weight loss progress, so I'll be posting it here again.

I've fallen off the track HARD. I had a lot of problems with money and my alcoholism already in late 2021, then the war started and it's all been downhill for a while.

By September 2022 I weighed around 180 kg. That's 396 lbs, for you Americans. Shit was BAD and alcohol didn't help. I felt myself struggle walking up the stairs, which made me even more depressed and I wanted to just eat and drink my problems away.

Then Putin decreed a full mobilization and me and my bf fled to Belarus.

This is me on the first day there, still around 180kg/396lbs. Hard to say how fat I was exactly, because I didn't have the scales for a couple of weeks after moving in.

That was in the last few days of September. More than a year passed since then and a lot of things changed. My boyfriend proved to be just what I needed to motivate me to lose weight, as he both prevented me from drinking alcohol and helped me kick the habit, as well as watched over what I eat and forced me to go outside more.

Buuuuut... There was also a lot of stress and a life-changing move to Germany. The changes were evident - I barely fit in the bus seat on our way to Belarus and arrived there all crinkled and messed up, barely able to walk. But the much longer trip to Dusseldorf went way smoother.

Still, I struggled to lose actual numbers on the scale. While we started walking even more, I was putting way too much food into the furnace, because everything in Germany is so goddamn tasty. Which is why in over a year I've lost only 40 kg / a little under 90 lbs.

This is me yesterday at 141.8 kg / 312.6 lbs

Whle the progress is evident, it's far from as quick as I would like it to be. Which lead me to starting to take the journey more seriously and count the calories using loseit again. Let's see if I can stick the landing this time.