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tundrainafrica · 4 years ago

Text

Title: Lovebug (14/14)

Summary:

“It might be a bug.”

“A bug?”

“Sometimes the developers of this application make mistakes. This is our first time meeting I’m sure so…Isn’t it a bit weird that we just met for the first time and it rings like this? And for two strangers to coincidentally ring each other’s alarms?“

Levi is the developer of the Love Alarm App and Hange is married to Zeke.

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Notes: I know I usually post on Wednesdays but I'll be on the road on Wednesday and if I don't get this out soon, I'll probably end up dropping it next week or smthg so here it is. Two days early. I hope you enjoy :D

Is this all that there is to life? A glaring question that came unexpectedly, in between reading through codes for his nth freelance project the past few years.

In response, Levi closed his eyes, sat back and reflected. A part of him may have been asking that question for a while and slowly, Levi started to understand why he was asked that in the first place.

A few minutes ago, he had been strangely happy to see his code compiling at the first try. And just a few hours ago, he had been enthusiastic at running a debugger through a code and finding a few typos to fix.

Happiness. That was happiness right?

That part of him continued to nag. It soured that 'happiness,' leaving a burning dissatisfaction inside him. You’ve experienced better moments, happier moments.

Then Levi got fed up. He reached into the back of his mind, he remembered, then something stopped him from reminiscing for a while longer.

Something strange. Something buried.

He hadn’t allowed himself to feel much since he first moved into that new city. He had allowed the novelty and the business to carry him through his first months. But the novelty of a new beginning never lasted long.

Too shaken to even bother applying for a new job, Levi opted to work freelance. Consequently, his only companions were the four walls of his studio apartment and the occasional voices from next door.

There was only so much which could stimulate interest. His mind continued to search for them and naturally, time continued to move along with it. Routine and episodes of ennui seemed to last infinities in the moment. But in retrospect, it felt like they all happened too fast.

He had made sense of time in milestones, milestones worth ten times the refreshing feeling of running a debugger through code or the fleeting euphoria of compiling codes at the first try.

Is that all that there is to life? Eventually, he made sense of that strange voice. There was reason to that question.

That day was another milestone. If it wasn't for his nagging mind, he could have missed it.

It was a blustery autumn day in late October, the weather similar to the last view he had of his home five years ago. Shifting his gaze from the window of his present apartment, he took a quick look at the calendar and it was like a dam had ended up spilling open inside him.

The five year mark was a bittersweet milestone, five years since he left home. The fifth year rang more loudly than every year before that. Maybe because five was such a perfect number, or perhaps because he had been keeping something in for a while.

He felt a release. Then a reprieve from the monotony, a reprieve from the five years avoiding his old life. Levi found himself opening his browser tab, typing the words ‘love alarm’ on the search box and deleting it a second later.

An aimless and useless sequence of movements. He didn’t need a quick google search to know how it was doing.

The love alarm had become a household name even all the way in his side of the world. With his very human need to go out, whether it be for groceries, shopping or just some fresh air, Levi couldn’t completely ignore it. With the right decisions, Levi could choose not to give so much as a side glance at the people walking, heads bent down, staring at the number of hearts on their application.

When he went out though, even with his music at full blast, he would hear the familiar alarm as he walked through crowds.

At first, it had left a pang in his chest, a brief bout of nausea, perhaps disgust or embarrassment at his old life.

It had been five years since he first arrived though and it turned out, time did heal.

Levi looked through the wikipedia page of the love alarm and he found, it hurt more like a raw scar than a stab in his chest or a crushing weight. The nausea, the pang in his chest that plagued him years before were weak if almost nonexistent.

Curiosity took over.

Would would have felt like an ache in the chest years ago, felt more like a mosquito bite. Levi was just slightly annoyed. It did nothing to stop him though from registering again and looking through the application interface.

Nothing much had changed. There were some slight changes to the skin of the registration page, a change in the name of the company at the bottom. Levi purposely touched the activate button rapidly and found he had crashed the application.

That was one bug that he never got to fix. He turned his phone to the side, noting the way the screen glitched as it adjusted to the landscape orientation of the phone. Another bug Levi never got to fix.

Then he wondered who the developer on the other end had been to have never even caught it.

Biometrics registered, Levi activated the alarm to find no hearts. He couldn’t help but entertain that slight disappointment. Of course no hearts would have appeared though. He hadn’t even interacted with his neighbors.

It would have been creepy it rang. Letting out a sardonic laugh just loud enough for himself, he leaned back on the chair and stared at the ceiling, forcing his thoughts back to whatever coding freelance project he’d been dealing with a few minutes ago.

Work came in freelance projects. They were enough for rent, for savings and some capacity to eat out occasionally.

A simple yet comfortable life. But is that all that there is to life? That voice continued to tear into his work related thoughts. Levi gave in to the nagging thought again. He started scrolling through wikipedia articles detailing use, detailing acquisition history, he found another key word under related articles, more interesting than ‘love alarm.’

Mood Alarm.

It sent a strange shiver through the back of his neck. Levi rolled his shoulders, relieving the tension that came with the last few eons of reflection. He let out a whistle, opened the new article and scrolled down towards references.

There were lists of articles.

Partner of Zeke Jaeger and freshly minted PhD graduate Doctor Hange Zoe release Mood Alarm.

Doctor Hange Zoe. Something inside him was fighting for control. He couldn’t bring himself to click the link. At the same time though, there was this curiosity inside him that he couldn’t seem to get to the bottom of.

Under the link to the article was the official website.

At the front page, there was a boring and overly professional introduction Levi didn’t bother to read

Below them, everything else had been interesting enough to give more than a second long glance.

The list of functionalities. The color codes. Then newly launched dashboard functionalities, almost a carbon copy of the plan Levi had sent years back.

“Fucking hell, you actually did it,” Levi muttered. He couldn’t help but just allow the smile that tugged at his lips some control. Excitement had him searching for the application on the play store, downloading it and methodically going through the same registration process as the love alarm.

It didn’t look much like the mood alarm Levi had worked on years ago. He saw hints of it though and worked from there to admire it.

The front end had been cleaned up. The font chosen fit the silver-to-white gradient of the application. When Levi clicked ‘activate,’ the screen loaded.

The colors mixed against one another for a second, an aesthetic choice of animation that Levi couldn’t help but be amused with.

Red. Yellow. Blue. Purple. Green. Orange.

The colors continued to mix. Then some disappeared as if they had lost themselves in some colorful war.

Then it was only blue and yellow. The two colors danced against one another for a few seconds longer before they disappeared too. More specifically, they bundled against one another.

Green. It took him at least five seconds to get that reading.

He didn’t have to look at the guide on the website to know what it meant.

Sad happy? Or happy sad? Whatever that feeling was, Levi felt no need to introspect, or maybe he had been too lazy to.

It had been a while since he had even let himself feel something. The green on his screen, the feeling that accompanied it, seemed more like an old friend he hadn’t talked to a while.

If he had any ability at introspection, maybe it had already rusted. Still, he let those emotions inside him, that yellow and that blue do their work.

They had him turning off the mood alarm, then turning off the love alarm. Something inside him still hesitated to delete the applications. Then it had him considering the space on his phone for just a second.

He downloaded another app that night. A familiar app with a flame, then another one with a bee. Only months into his new life in a new city with a new job, Levi was already bored— and if he had to admit it—terribly, terribly lonely.

And maybe the best way to cure it was to spend the whole night swiping.

***

Finding a companion wasn’t as easy as desperation and a few second long rush of confidence made it out to be.

Perhaps, online dating was a rash idea, an uncharacteristic move.

Didn't he reject Petra years ago? How could he date anyone else? Petra… How is she… With nothing much to do but wait for his date, he found himself texting Petra as he waited in the cafe.

He sent a few thank you messages at her well wishes. They exchanged brief updates and Petra’s own updates dragged on for longer.

Her life was more eventful than his.

Petra had started dating Oluo. She had found someone who loved her, just as much as she loved him. Keeping a correspondence with her only highlighted points for reflection for Levi. The more he reflected, the more questions came up. The more he reflected, the more complicated the questions became.

He was lonely but could he be picky? At the same time, did he even have the heart to put anyone through the shitty experience of a half hearted courtship?

Hange’s words echoed in his head, not in any specific string, a few parts in words, a few parts in phrases.

Considering the circumstances… Love is a choice.

When he let her words echo through him, he managed to grip a presence long gone. A presence and a relationship, he clarified, that had never been his in the first place.

He never did completely brush away the guilt that accompanied every passing thought of Hange. There was this strange acceptance though that appended it, and it had him a little more discerning, a little more prudent.

If he couldn’t have her, he could always just keep her close in his own personal way.

“Have you heard of the love alarm?”

How long had she been there? How long had she been talking?

Right, Levi was on a date. She had said words before that question and Levi could have sworn they had exchanged greetings even before that.

“In passing,” Levi said. He manifested some reality from the words, as if a firm response was enough to forget decades worth of overtime and testing.

“It’s this application we can use to test compatibility… So at least we know if this could work.”

Levi listened with some fake intent as she explained how the love alarm worked. He made sure to nod at points where her tone had gone a little higher or louder.

“What do you think?” There was some finality to her voice, an expectant look on her face.

Levi hummed in thought.. “I don’t believe in using an app to check compatibility. What about when we consider circumstances? Get to know each other… Then decide if it could work?”

She looked at her phone for a second, then back at Levi, her brows furrowed in confusion.

Levi shook his head. “Sorry, I just don’t believe in things like the love alarm, it seems just like horoscopes or Myer Briggs to me. Compatibility, relationships, they’re just gonna be choices we make anyway.” He found himself guiltily looking away as he said those last points.

The pout that played at his date’s lips was evidence enough, there probably wouldn’t be a second date. “It’s not like our love alarm’s would have rung anyway,” she said.

It had been a while since Levi dated though and he started to realize, maybe his filter and his social skills had rusted just a bit.

***

Love is a choice.

It looked like he might have been the only one to believe that. He had managed to piss off countless other dates with his own ‘love is a choice’ schtick.

And he had been dating semi regularly for the past year already. Yet, nothing was coming up fruitful.

How the hell did Hange even manage to get married? Or maybe Hange had just been the exception. He then concluded, Hange just had too many other loveable qualities which could make anyone want to snap her up early on.

The more he entertained the thought of Hange, the heavier his own chest became. Then he stopped entertaining her then the cycle would start again, a very vicious cycle.

It just so happened that sometimes the thought of ‘Hange’ manifested as some domineering thought. ‘Love is a choice’ and the strange sensation that came with his whole body protesting, rebelling in their own little way worked hand in hand.

He was confused and consequently desperate enough to open the mood alarm for some inkling of comprehension. He would focus on the way the colors switched among one another, disappearing, always revealing a yellow and a light blue dancing between one another then always ending with a light blue.

Sometimes he was blue. Sometimes he was green.

Ane he continued to check. After all, he mood alarm had become a beautiful and constant companion. He had deleted the love alarm but kept the mood alarm close.

“What do you think of the love alarm?”

How many people are gonna ask about that fucking application?

Zeke had just been a little too good at marketing. It was the nth time someone had broken the ice of a first date with that fucking question and Levi regretted not making a drinking game out of it. Maybe he would have been able to drink enough to forget that cursed product.

“Are you okay?” his new date asked.

He had spent the past few minutes too silent, not thinking. “Nifa…” That was her name right? He cleared his throat. “I’m fine.”

She looked as nervous as he did, or even more nervous. That part was comforting at least. In a way, her demeanor seemed a little more pleasant, more genuinely curious than wary. “I asked just a second ago, have you ever used that love alarm?” she said in response.

Levi followed the same script. "In passing."

“Would you like to try it out? Just to make sure we’re on the same page, relationship wise.”

“I’d rather we relied on circumstances and compatibility to make the choice for us. Get to know each other maybe…” When it came to suggestions, Levi had revised his script just a bit. Too many people got offended by his invalidating horoscopes and Myer Briggs type for some weird reason. “Like get to know each other, like…” Levi trailed off for a second, allowing himself a pregnant pause. ”... Elizabeth and Darcy?”

Nifa had cocked her head to the side curiously, thought for a long second and smiled just a bit wider. “You read Pride and Prejudice?”

Levi nodded subtly. “A while back,.”

She paused for a second, seeming deep in thought. “Well… Now that I think about it, you might be right,” Nifa said. “This compatibility thing… Your idea of love. I think it makes sense.”

“Really? You think so?”

“Yeah, why?” Nifa asked.

Levi dropped his shoulders in relief, the weight of at least a hundred failed dates fell off his shoulders. “I’ve been dating for years and I feel like you’re the only one who actually said that.”

Nifa didn’t reply immediately and the longer Levi sat there, the more clearly he saw her face. Surprise morphed into something that seemed more like pity. Then, the chronic pang in his chest came back.

A first love did that to people maybe? A painful first love lost had that special power to maybe just twist his own philosophies, to make him almost disgusted at his own creations and the way it had challenged his own convictions.

Are you scared? Levi thought to himself. He couldn’t be too sure how he was handling himself in front of Nifa. He looked down at his hands, opening and closing them a few times and if he looked closely, he could almost feel those uncomfortable twinges in his wrist that came from years of coding.

“I’m willing to put the time into it if you are.” Nifa’s voice was more gentle and it flowed as if she had sensed the stiffness in his voice.

Levi didn’t respond immediately and suddenly their little corner of the crowded cafe was eerily silent. There was a melancholy that had blanketed their little corner despite the Saturday afternoon crowd.

Nifa seemed like she was trying to break away from it with some light conversation. “Hey, have you heard of the mood alarm?”

“The mood alarm?” Levi let that half smile creep up his lips, just high enough to be more invisible than obvious. Three words from a stranger and his emotions were reduced to a mess.

He once again felt that twinge again at his rests and that sleepless night, and her. He was remembering her in his office through sleepy exhausted eyes, with a cocktail dress and a sandwich bag in one hand.

There was also something amusing and painfully ironic about hearing his own brainchild, from someone so casually, as if it had turned into some household name while he wasn’t looking.

The conversation was getting painful, painfully interesting and the masochist in Levi was gripping him and pulling him back to reality. “Like the love alarm…” Levi added.

“Well, they’re products from the Jaeger corporation… You know the Jaeger family right?” Nifa added.

Levi could only be thankful he hadn’t been sipping at his tea then. He probably could have choked. How could he ever forget Zeke Jaeger?

He might have gotten a lot better at hiding his own disgust or Nifa could have been too deep in thought. She continued to talk. “They bought Love Alarm a few years back.”

“I know the Jaeger family,” Levi said.

“So you know about their eldest son, the heir of the Jaeger corporation… And his partner?”

Levi took a sip of tea, not bothering to respond.

Nifa may have taken that as a ‘no.’“His partner was working towards a PhD in psychology and apparently that was her final project. The codes for the mood alarm are very similar to the love alarm apparently."

“Oh?” Levi asked, feigning interest.

Soon, it turned into something genuine. Nifa was offering new information. “She got the PhD a few years ago and soon after that, the application was launched. And now they’re launching a solution for hospitals.”

“What kind of solution?” Levi asked.

“Wait, have you ever used the mood alarm? Or do you know how it works?” Nifa asked. “Anyway, I realized I ended up digressing here… The point I was trying to make is, the one who developed the mood alarm was able to prove that whatever measurements they use for the love alarm, are related to emotions. And what if, understanding how we feel when we work towards a relationship is a better determinant of whether the relationship could work?”

Levi nodded quickly, an attempt to be polite. At that point though, he wasn’t too interested in the point she had been trying to make “I’m familiar with the application and how it works. But you mentioned something about a solution for hospitals…” He didn’t think it was worth lying. He didn’t need a long winded explanation of the alarm he made. He needed an explanation of what Hange had been making."

Nifa didn’t seem to get the message. “So, the application will determine your emotions for you--- I have one right now and we could use it over time to articulate how we feel.” She pulled out her phone and dropped it on the table. “I think analyzing our own emotions would do a better job than relying on how the love alarm processes the emotions.”

There was something surreal about seeing a user explain it to him, as if they knew it more than him.

For a while, he couldn’t help but just entertain the possibility that in her own way, Nifa may have known more. With someone explaining and demonstrating, he was more easily able to make sense of the changes that had been implemented since Hange acquired it.

The app icon was reminiscent of the love alarm, two rings around it but instead of a heart in between, there was an icon, an elegant cross between a flower and a color wheel.

Red. Blue. Yellow. In between the primary colors were purple, green and orange.

Nifa activated it and held the phone between her fingertips. Just like the night when Levi had first played with it, the colored blobs swam amongst one another again, each blob would disappear one by one, leaving the remaining colors.

Yellow and Orange. “Looks like I’m happy,” Nifa commented. “So apparently the new dashboard allows us to connect this reading on the phone to a PC and get a more detailed explanation, numbers, heart rate, all the like.”

“You seem to know a lot about the app,” Levi mused.

Nifa cocked her head to one side. “Well, I’m into psychology too. I work as a psychologist in one of the hospitals. Our hospital is one of the first ones to buy software licenses so I’ve done my research.” She hummed, looking straight at him for a second as if studying him. “Now that I think about it, your job wasn’t on your profile. What do you do for a living?”

Levi’s response was automatic. “IT work.” He was suddenly self conscious about even mentioning the word ‘developer.’

“Ooooh... So you’d probably figure out how this app works much faster than I would.” Nifa sighed. “And you could probably help reassure me about this."

“Reassure you about what?”

“I’m honestly pretty nervous about rolling out this software.”

“Why?”

“Well, it’s relatively new, a few bugs would come up here and there.”

“All softwares are going to face new bugs with every update. It’s never ending,” Levi said nonchalantly.

“Spoken like a true IT guy,” Nifa joked. She took a sip of her shake and stared down at his tea and up at him again. “Say, since you’re in IT, you think you can hook us up with someone?”

“Hook you up with someone?” Levi asked. His mind was going places more suited for a tinder date than a conversation on career. He raised one eyebrow in question. He couldn’t be too sure of what she meant just yet.

It looked like she had started to understand that double entendre. Nifa blushed then let out a cough. “No, no. Our company is looking to build a small support team.”

“An IT support team?” Levi asked.

“Well, people who could focus on learning the product, dealing with whatever bugs, testing them, compiling them and sending them over to the Mood Alarm team. You think you’d know anyone tech savvy? Maybe familiar with how biotechnology works?

“I could try to look around…” Levi said.

“Great!” Nifa chimed

By some magic, the conversation shifted elsewhere. Nifa had a way with conversation, keeping some sort of a flow, talking about her own job and getting him to talk about his freelance projects.

Levi’s thoughts on the hospital solution though were an ubiquitous part of his mind space.That was the whole point of the investment right? Back then, Zeke and Hange had plans on selling it to hospitals.

And there was a free trial. That night, Levi had been curious enough to click the ‘book a free trial button’ and to even fill out the first few lines.

Organization name? He didn't have one.

Purpose? To catch up with his own brain child maybe.

He ended up staring at the blank screen for a while, wondering where the hell he would get an organization and a valid purpose.

He wanted to check it out, he really did. And he was a little salty that they required a background check before they even allowed trials for a project he created.

Curiosity became desperation. With desperation, came creativity, audacity. He took his phone with the intention of just asking Nifa a few questions, only to see there was an unread message from her.

Thanks for today! I had a lot of fun. Hopefully, we can plan something soon. I might be busy with work this week but maybe the week after?

Levi stared at her message and composed a quick reply, pleasantries forgotten.

You mentioned something about IT support openings in the hospital...

***

The hiring manager introduced himself as Moblit but he didn't say much else. Instead, he spent the next few minutes looking through Levi's resume, his brow wrinkled.

"Is there something wrong with my resume?" Levi asked, breaking the silence. He had kept it minimalistic, only sticking to odd jobs the past five years.

Moblit shook his head. "Nothing, it just doesn't look like you have support role experience."

"Do I need experience in a support role? I think I'm familiar enough with how apps work to stand in as one," Levi said. Should he mention that he had done the support work before?

"So you've compiled tickets, sent them over to developers?"

I'm the developer who deals with those bullshit tickets. He thought to himself. On the outside though, he nodded and leaned a bit more forward on the table. It wasn’t too difficult to show interest. He was genuinely interested, having given in to that curiosity-turned-desperation.

"Well, if you're interested in taking the job then…” Moblit said. “Let's see how much you know about the mood alarm app." He opened a folder. "It's a relatively new solution, so I don't expect you to know much but if you've heard of the love alarm?"

"I have."

"Well they're from the same corporation…"

Information on their history flew into one ear and out the other. "Do you have any more questions for me?" Levi asked. He could have interrupted Moblit there but he didn’t want to hear about a history he actually experienced first hand.

Moblit cleared his throat. "Well, if you could tell me how you think the mood alarm works? Then I’ll give you a list of common bugs and can you tell me how you will go about raising them to developers?

***

Six years hadn’t done much to make him forget. He had been working with the love alarm for almost a decade after all.

And the mood alarm? He had a strange connection to it, he couldn’t explain.

The code wasn’t open source. Of course it wouldn’t. That was an enterprise application and they wouldn’t want any hacker just randomly getting it. Yet, why did he feel so offended at not having access?

“Hey Levi, how would you handle this?”

“Handle what?” Levi didn’t look up from his monitor immediately. The voice and the question have all were all too familiar and it wasn’t urgent anyway.

“Levi, take a look…” Farlan seemed more frustrated than a second ago.

Levi looked at Farlan’s screen. Another display issue. He was all too familiar with the bugs and it looked like the love alarm and the mood alarm were coming up with the same issues. “Click the activate button three times really fast, right click the desktop, select inspect and take a screenshot. We send it over to the developers on the mood alarm team,” Levi said. That had become routine after a while, yet somehow, his two colleagues Farlan and Isabel were still asking questions.

Maybe because he was the only one who understood what the hell the developers needed to see to actually get to the bottom of the problem.

“Make sure to check it in both light mode and dark mode,” Levi said. “And also, there’s a known bug for the phone app, check if turning on the alarm affects your ability to receive notifications from other apps.” Those words had sent a wave of nostalgia through him. That was one of the bugs he had gotten around to fixing with the love alarm.

“Hey...”Isabel’s voice sounded from next to him. Levi turned around, almost jumping when he saw she had been close enough to look over his shoulder. “What are you researching?”

It wouldn't look good if he slacked off at work in front of colleagues a good few years his junior. Levi closed the tab. “Just my own research on mood alarm.” And when he looked at his codes a little longer, then back at Isabel who seemed almost confused, Levi realized it had looked more like extra work than anything else.

He spent the whole morning on ‘extra work, watching the API calls, making notes to himself to check the codes he had sent Hange years back just to see how much had changed.

“You finished all your tasks today and you still wanna do research on the mood alarm?” Farlan asked, a look of utter amazement on his face.

“What can I say? This app is pretty interesting.” it wasn’t a lie. Watching the growth of his own child from afar, was a fun thing to do.

“It honestly feels like you’ve done this type of work before."

“I did something similar,” Levi said.

“What kind of place did you work in before?” Isabel asked excitedly, her tasks also forgotten.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Levi answered, his tone unchanged.

“Something like the love alarm?”

Levi nodded. “Maybe that’s the reason I can figure things out pretty fast,” he said. The best plan of action was to digress.

“So that means we could make you handle the harder cases?” Farlan snickered.

“I’d rather you learn how to deal with others on your own,” Levi said. “I’ve worked with these apps for a long time. The bugs never end.”

***

“Moblit’s saying you’re doing a pretty good job picking out the bugs,” Nifa spoke above the bustle of the lunch time crowd.

“Are we?” Levi asked. He kept his words brief, not wanting to waste too much energy speaking over the others in the hospital cafeteria.

“Well, he was talking about you mostly,” Nifa said. “Most big issues get resolved with each release. And Moblit was saying that our support team just gives really good feedback.”

“The developers do the work. All we do is find the bugs.” Levi started to pick more meticulously at his salad

Nifa shook her head. “I think the support team deserves credit too. It’s difficult figuring out whether issues are user issues or there’s really a bug. Isabel also told me you find ways to reproduce it quickly.”

“Do I?” His responses were getting less and less creative. There just wasn’t much to say and the compliments were making him more and more uncomfortable by the second.

Moblit was a life saver. He had broken out of the crowd, running to Nifa, an urgent but excited expression on his face. “Nifa, you’ve got to hear this.”

Levi used that brief distraction to shovel more salad into his mouth.

Moblit had spoken just beneath the sounds of other conversations and Levi couldn’t make out what he had said. He did make out the urgency in Nifa’s face and the excitement. Whatever Moblit had said was contagious.

“When are they coming?” Nifa asked, her voice much louder than Moblit’s.

Levi stood up, gathering his plate, his utensils and his unfinished salad. “If I’m not supposed to be in this conversation…”

Moblit shook his head. “Levi, no, please stay. I’d rather you hear this since this is related to your line of work too.”

“Why?” Levi raised one eyebrow.

“Zeke Jaeger and his partner Doctor Hange Zoe, they’re planning to visit,” Moblit said.

Levi couldn’t even tell what expression he had on then.

Maybe Moblit had interpreted shock as confusion. “Zeke Jaeger is the owner of the love alarm. Hange Zoe’s the creator of the mood alarm… In case you didn't know.”

***

“Hey, I wanna see her… Is this how she looks like?” Isabel’s voice was a whisper, a very loud whisper. “She looks smart.”

Farlan’s voice wasn’t any softer. “Well, that’s what you’d expect from the mastermind behind the mood alarm right? I heard Zeke Jaeger bought her the love alarm so she could look through the code and make the mood alarm for herself.”

“Where did you hear that?” Isabel asked.

“Watch the interviews.”

The click and clack of the keyboard. Then there was the sound of voices coming from the loud speaker from Farlan’s computer.

Then Hange’s very familiar voice.

Levi didn’t want to listen. “You know, if you spend too much time looking through this. You’re not gonna get anything done.” He forced his voice into something louder than what he was comfortable with. “Don’t you two have other tasks to do?”

“Aren’t you excited to meet them?” Isabel rolled her chair next to Levi.

No way in hell am I meeting them. “I’m planning on taking a leave,” he said.

“Wait, why?” Isabel seeming heartbroken, as if Levi taking a leave was the most terrible thing in the world.

“Well, as employees we’re entitled to leaves right?” Levi asked emotionlessly, willing himself not to at all be affected by Isabel’s puppy dog face.

Farlan sighed. “You’re the best one at this type of work among the three of us. You know, this is a good opportunity for you to get noticed.”

“I don’t wanna get noticed,” Levi said, as he focused back again on the screen, refreshing their ticketing software a little bit faster that time. It really was an uneventful afternoon. He couldn’t blame Farlan and Isabel for doing nothing.

“It’s a big money, a chance at a big career move,” Farlan said, raising his voice as if that could have done anything to convince Levi.

Levi looked up from the monitor and back to Farlan. “Do you really want me out of here?”

Farlan shrugged. “I dunno, you just seem too overqualified for this kind of job.”

Levi sighed. “Believe me, I’m happy to be here.” He continued to click refresh, just in case anything could have halted that already seemingly awkward conversation. The reason why he didn’t want to run into Zeke or Hange… Was it written all over his face?

Just in case Farlan and Isabel were mind readers, Levi kept quiet, kept his eyes glued on the screen and he prayed the day would get busier somehow.

It did. But it got busy so close to the end of the day and overtime seemed inevitable.

“We’re not receiving any readings.”

The same exact fucking line, from ten different customers from different hospital branches around the country. “You’re fucking kidding me,” Levi muttered.

He opened all the test devices, only to find, none of them were receiving readings from the mood alarm either. He was sure though, he was annoyed, very very annoyed. Maybe even angry. “Try testing,” he ordered.

Farlan and Isabel were more emotional than he was. If it didn’t work for them, it probably wasn’t working at all.

They had full trust on him. Isabel and Farlan nodded and they went through the devices quickly. All test devices exhausted and there was nothing much to do. Levi was convinced it was an issue that could only be investigated on the backend. “We’re done for the day.”

“We have to send a report right?”

Levi started to pack his bag. “Send a report saying we’re not getting any readings,” he said with a shrug. “It’s probably a backend issue or an issue with their API.”

“You sure we can’t do anything from our side?” Farlan pressed.

Levi shook his head. “None.” He logged out, slung his backpack over his shoulder and exited the office.

He sensed their disappointment in him. In his months working there, Levi had never left the office without doing a thorough investigation and writing a detailed report.

That might be the first time in months, they would give something completely unhelpful for the developers. That wasn’t Levi’s intention though. There were just some things that were better off investigated on his own personal PC.

For the first time in a while, Levi didn’t go straight for the shower when he arrived back home. He booted up his own PC. When he checked his cloud account, he found the private repository with all the codes from the love alarm and the mood alarm was still there.

It hadn’t been touched in years though.

He scrolled through the code, allowing that wave of nostalgic to wash over him gently. Having been the only one who worked on the base, Levi was very very familiar with it. Memories came quickly with the nostalgia. There was a point where the server was down and he remembered the hundreds of support tickets about the temporarily malfunctioning love alarm.

No readings were coming through. Levi did a quick calculation of the time zones of his own city and of the mood alarm headquarters. Then he looked through the code again.

Convinced that it was a fair theory, Levi opened his pseudo email, entered the support email for the mood alarm and left just one sentence on the email body.

I’m convinced one of your devs left a debugger on one of these codes on the backend.

A few years ago, he had been guilty of leaving a debugger running overnight, fucking up the whole command system of the love alarm.

He copied and pasted a part of the code and the sent the email off. For all he knew, the mood alarm could have branched off far from the love alarm, rendering his theory completely stupid. Still, it was a theory worth entertaining.

The issues from work forgotten, Levi started to open his other emails, finding one from Petra on the third page, dated months ago.

Just a reminder that he hadn’t opened that email in months. “A wedding invite?”

Petra Ral and Oluo Bozado invite you to celebrate their wedding…

He didn’t need the rest of it to convince himself to go. He only needed to look at the date under, conveniently a week after Hange and Zeke were scheduled to visit the hospital where he worked.

He sent off two emails that night.

One to Petra, a very very late RSVP.

Then one to management, a request for a two week leave. For personal reasons.

A wedding always made a good personal reason. That was probably only half his actual personal reason though.

***

“I didn’t even expect you to come.” Petra seemed happy.

It could have been the make up or her natural blush. She was a glowing bride, glowing bright enough that Levi was starting to feel lonely.

“It’s been a while,” Levi said. “And you two are looking good.”

“How’s life abroad?” Petra asked.

“It’s fine,” Levi said.

“You adjusted well?” Petra asked again.

“Yeah, I guess I did.” Levi took a sip of his wine.

“You managed to get a software engineering job there?” That time it was Oluo who asked.

“Something similar,” Levi said. He started to shake his glass a bit, feigning deep consideration. Maybe that would explain his inability to respond. In truth, he was in no mood to make conversation but when the bride and the groom had gone out of their way to sit next to him on the bench outside their party, and they had gone through all the trouble of asking, it was only polite that he kept his side of the conversation.

Somewhere along the exchanges, Petra brought up a question. And whether it had been appropriate or not, Levi couldn’t tell but he thought it worth an answer at least.

“Have you met anyone?” Petra asked.

“What?” Levi responded.

“I dunno… I guess someone who makes you feel good? Someone who manages to ring your love alarm?” Petra gave him a knowing look.

Levi only had to shift his gaze from Petra to the seemingly blank face of Oluo to know, Petra had at least kept that part to herself. To the others, his alarm ringing with Hange could have been just a bug.

Levi shook his head. “I haven’t touched the love alarm in years,” he admitted.

Petra seemed more understanding. “We haven’t touched it in years either.”

Levi raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

Petra stared ahead, looking deep in thought. She turned to Oluo. “Well, I guess a part of us wanted to build this organically, get to know each other first. And maybe that’s the best way to find people. I think the love alarm just causes unnecessary chaos sometimes.”

Levi only had to look back at his past five years to see it. To be honest, he could actually put the blame on the love alarm for completely uprooting his life. He couldn't say he totally agreed though. He didn’t regret the time with Hange either.

But he wasn’t going to deny her credit where credit was due. “You make sense.”

It wasn’t as simple as that though. Somehow, Hange’s own words had torn into the silence. Just for him. The love alarm causes chaos but sometimes it can tie loose ends.

And for him, it had been both. It had caused chaos but somehow, meeting Hange, having gotten to know her, having gotten to talk to her had tied some loose ends inside him.

What kind of loose ends? He couldn’t be too sure.

“Even when you don’t use the love alarm now, have you met other people?” Petra was still very interested in his love life.

Oluo should have been silently uncomfortable about that. Levi couldn’t tell with a quick glance.

“I’ve met a few people though… There’s someone named Nifa,” Levi said,

“Next time you come here, you’ll take her for a visit? Make sure to introduce us to her?” Petra asked.

“Or maybe next time, it will be us visiting,” Oluo added.

The brief conversation ended soon after, with a few exchanged greetings and a promise to bring Nifa. In case something ever happened between him and NIfa.

By the end of the night, he had made a promise to himself not to use that love alarm to find his next love.

Petra was right, the love alarm could cause unnecessary chaos. Besides, love is a choice right?

***

Levi came back from his very relaxing two week leave to two words that made his stomach turn.

Doctor Zoe. That was what Farlan and Isabel called her.

“Doctor Zoe…” Levi repeated. The words tasted unfamiliar. Suddenly, the road trip, the beach trip and just the quiet meetings in the cafe all seemed like just a fevered dream.

“And she stopped to talk to all of us!” Isabel sang, her eyes filled with wonder. “You should have stayed. I swear, I feel like you would have gotten along. She never stops talking. You two could have talked about the mood alarm for hours.”

“She sounds tiring to be with,” Levi said, an attempt at a halfhearted reply.

Farlan grinned, an alarmingly knowing expression on his face. “Don’t lie, you would have enjoyed at least listening. You’re way more enthusiastic about the mood alarm than we are.”

“I’m just being a good employee.” Levi shook his head, as if that was enough to erase the regret that shoved itself into his throat and down to his chest.

“She really made sure to talk to everyone,” Isabel said. “And she stayed for a few days longer. Maybe the plans changed since she went alone.”

“Wait, she came alone?” Levi said. Don’t regret. Don’t you dare regret leaving.

Farlan nodded in response. “Moblit explained this to us before they came.” He turned to Isabel as if expecting some explanation from her.

“I can’t be too sure either, I’ve only heard a bit about it. And rich people like the Jaegers, they like to keep their personal lives a secret right?” Isabel answered.

Farlan shrugged. “Anyway, from what Moblit told me, they intended to visit all the major customers including our hospital chain. They’ve been planning this tour for months, maybe even years but Doctor Zoe ended up going alone.”

“Did you ever find out why?” Levi kept his voice soft, anything louder and he might just look more invested. He turned back to the unopened tickets on his screen. From his peripherals, he could see Farlan and Isabel exchanging glances.

It was Farlan who spoke up. “I have a theory.”

“Tell me,” Levi said.

“They fought.”

“Okay, couples fight.” Levi continued to click at the tickets, opening them one by one, just to feel productive.

“Yeah, but it must have been a big fight right?” Isabel added. “I did some research on Doctor Zoe after we met her and apparently, they were having problems even years ago. Apparently, there are rumors that her husband bought the love alarm to save their marriage.”

“Where the hell did you get that info?” Farlan sounded incredulous.

Isabel chuckled mischievously. “The dark, dark internet.”

“That can’t be true.” Farlan shook his head in disbelief.

“I can’t really prove it anymore. A lot of the threads online that actually discuss this get taken down by the admin. But I swear, now that I think about it, it does make sense. I read some articles, no one expected Zeke Jaeger to buy the love alarm… Some said he did it to save the love alarm after a major bug showed up that could have prevented PR….Apparently, there was a certain point a few years ago, where there were photos of Doctor Zoe with another man. I tried looking for the photos but I can’t find them anymore.”

“You really got invested in her love life huh?”

Isabel groaned. “I couldn’t help it. She seemed so nice and she talked to us a lot even when we were just support, she took the time to teach us and she’s just so humble…”

“But what if she really did cheat on her husband?” Farlan challenged. “I mean, the rumors have to have been there for a reason right?”

“Do you think she looks like the type to cheat?” Isabel asked. “That very honest and open face?”

Farlan coughed in surprise. “She doesn’t for sure---but rumors don’t come out of nowhere right?”

“You two, go back to work,” Levi said. While the two had been working, he had been assigning tickets to them, an ingenious way to compose himself.

“Wait not yet, what do you think Levi? You might have better intuition than we do.”

“Intuition?” Levi repeated, one eyebrow raised.

“Does she really look like the type to cheat?” Farlan asked.

Levi continued to stare at the screen, not willing to risk showing them whatever expression played at his face then. “I didn’t meet her. You two did so you’re better qualified to answer that question. Tell me, does she look like the type to cheat?”

Farlan paused for a second, then narrowed his eyes at Levi. “I think I have a question which you might be more qualified to answer,” Farlan said. “You’re pretty good at finding bugs. Have you ever done research on the love alarm bug? What do you think the bug was… The one which made Zeke Jaeger buy the app?”

“I don’t think there was a bug,” Levi said.

“What do you mean?” Farlan pressed.

“Get back to work you two.” Levi kept his voice firm, loud and authoritative. Something he would have rather not done, if it hadn’t been for the weight which came with what should have been a light piece of gossip, and his whittling ability to keep a stoic demeanor.

The deep dark internet. Levi watched his two companions. Their eyes were once again fixed on the screen, Farlan’s fingers were flying over the keyboard, Isabel was playing with some test device.

Deep enough at work for Levi to take his own quick break. He opened an incognito tab and put his headphones on.

One video or one article, and he’d get back to work. He found an interview, the opening questions had been the same familiar ones Farlan had been playing on speaker months ago.

He played the first few questions at twice the speed. He knew the answers already.

What inspired you to make the mood alarm?

“Love alarm… Codes… Yadayadayada…” Levi muttered just a loud enough for himself. Hange had been careful not to mention anything about a developer. He could see the way she had shifted gazes for just a second, seeming uncomfortable.

He couldn’t blame her. Isabel had said so herself, in the deep dark internet, maybe there were rumors of an affair.

And some journalists were aware.

Personal Life? Around the point that someone asked about her personal life, Levi slowed the clip down. They had timed it, to the exact point where Hange had tensed up and looked away for just a second.

“Can you tell us about your relationship with Zeke Jaeger? How has it been?”

“How did you feel when you realized he bought you the love alarm? Is it true he bought it to win you back?”

Hange was admirably professional about it. “We’re digressing now,” she said with a light hearted tone, a laugh which seemed more rehearsed than actually Hange’s.

Is it true you had an affair with another man? It wasn’t loud enough for Hange to have heard it, just a sound among others. When Levi had been looking for that question and it rang more loudly for him. He rewinded the video a few times just to make sure.

What the hell… No we didn’t… We. Didn’t. Have. An. Affair.

“Levi, are you okay?” Isabel asked

“What?”

“You were talking to yourself just now.”

Levi quickly closed the tab as Isabel looked over his shoulder. “Nothing, just looking at tickets,” he said. He went back to their ticketing application, opened a few more tickets and decided to table the research until later that evening.

***

The deep, dark internet.

With his own personal wifi and his own VPN, Levi had more wriggle room to dig deeper.

There was a mention of a fight, a marriage on the rocks, and the rumors only grew from there. The more Levi found, the more courage he mustered. It turned out, the process of scrolling through threads, joining chat groups had been nothing but liberating.

Liberating but infuriating.

The internet was an aggregate of bad takes and the occasional good one. From bad takes came horrible half baked rumors.

I swear, if they end up divorcing…

Jaeger should have dumped her fucking ass from the start.

Slut…

Whore…

Hange Zoe. Fucking gold digger.

There were rumors that she had manipulated Zeke for the money. Rumors that she had only married him to complete her PhD.

Levi quickly went through those.

Some of the people were nice though and Levi read those comments a little more slowly.

The mood alarm was Zoe’s deal.

The money Jaeger put into was a donation.

If they’re not happy, let them divorce.

And there were videos, particularly zoomed videos in events of Zeke and Hange in conventions and conferences, the latest one only a few months ago. Before Hange had visited the hospital.

In the most recent one, they were talking, just at the corner behind the stage, still visible from the camera. Levi rewinded the video again and again just to confirm their identity.

The Hange on the screen seemed indignant. Zeke had pulled her in by the waist, she pulled away. In response, Zeke had once again gone for her hands, pulling her towards him.

Just like back in the school gym.

It was different, that time in the gym Hange had been accepted yet determined at the same time. The Hange on the video, or the least, the one he could make out from the flailing of her hands, the stamping of her food on the ground, the moment she had pulled away then turned away was telling.

Hange wasn’t accepting anything anymore.

Levi scrolled through the comments.

If Hange Zoe divorces Zeke Jaeger… If she keeps possession of the mood alarm... she’s a gold digger.

She needed Jaeger funds to complete PhD… It’s Zeke Jaeger’s PhD not hers lmao XD

It was around the fifth most liked comment when Levi closed the tab, not bothering to bookmark the site. That was enough internet toxicity for the day.

***

“You’re transferring me?” Levi had ended up preempting the discussion.

Nifa and Moblit looked at each other, then back at him. Then Nifa nodded.

Moblit shook his head, creating some confusion. “No, we wanted your opinion on this first. The city we’ll be transferring you to isn’t very… convenient.”

“But you will be paid more,” Nifa said.

Since no one actually wants to live there. A fact no one actually admitted during those types of meetings but Levi had been in corporate long enough to know.

“And it’s just for a few years,” Moblit said, his tone, a tone of reassurance more than actual confidence. “Our hospital got special permission to do testing and research and we’ll need one support guy there. This is an important project for our hospital so...”

Levi had done a quick google search of the city under the table, a name he never heard of, and just the picture of a very sleepy town with not many buildings with even two floors was indicative. There was a reason why Moblit and Nifa seemed uncertain about a transfer.

There wasn’t much he did anyway in that city. How could moving away be any different?

“What’s this research about?” Levi asked.

Moblit responded to that more clearly and more confidently. “We’re planning to do further research, create programs for kids who grew up in difficult households to help them process emotions better. We’re starting with a few kids, on a small research facility up north… And having someone on call would be helpful.”

It didn’t take much to convince Levi after that. “There isn’t much for me to miss here anyway.” Really, he would have taken that transfer even without the pay raise.

***

There was peace and quiet which came with living in the middle of nowhere. Peace and quiet had a way of making Levi unbearably bored yet at the same time more perceptive as to why the hell no one wanted to live there in the first place.

Winters were cruel, with snow piling up meters high. Even in the summers, the sky was overcast and in all four seasons, the air still found a way to be suffocatingly dry.

Someone mentioned something about lake effects and something about rain shadows, and Levi couldn’t really tell which one was it. He wasn’t a scientist after all.

He was human though, a very simple minded human with no science degree. So he let the weather affect his moods, maybe even affect his long term philosophies in life. His current environment was too different from the bustling city he grew up in, or the other urban jungle he had lived the past five years of his life, he deemed his new home, the epitome of the middle of nowhere.

It was completely unfamiliar and by some psychological consequence to Levi, it was too far flung from his old life for Levi to even entertain anything about his old life, beyond work. So it became easier to take a more pragmatic approach at reminiscing.

A few months into his transfer, he had even started reading articles on Zeke and Hange again.

Billionaire Zeke Jaeger finalizes divorce would Mood Alarm founder Hange Zoe.

Then the comments section:

That was fast.

I knew it, Zoe’s a gold digger.

There was the string of names, whore, sluts, cheaters and gold diggers that never made too much sense as sentences. So Levi quickly closed the tab.

You actually did it. He thought to himself. And when he thought a little longer about it, he realized he did feel happy for her.

Happy? Sad? Disappointed? Out of curiosity, he opened his own mood alarm and clicked activate. It glowed with a bright green.

He could have been happier.

Levi decided to blame the sky for his fickle mood. That grey view that stretched far unimpeded by any of the surrounding low rising buildings, only ending by the mountains that seemed hundreds of miles away.

The surrounding mountains and the large lake followed him to work. An overly scenic landscape that reminded him, the train back to the capital only came once a day, the train that passed through the next major city only passed three times a day.

And fucking hell, train tickets were expensive.

By some modern day definition, Levi really was trapped in the middle of nowhere.

The weather only made him more cynical, yet angrier at the tasteless comments under the news article on Zeke and Hange’s divorce. As he neared the research center, he ended up tabling that reflection with one sentence, something comforting yet oddly depressing.

Hange wouldn’t look for me. Then he brushed it away violently soon after. The audacity of even considering the prospect that he was important enough for her to want to search for him. Why would Hange care where he is?

The fact that Hange was followed by the press while he was trapped in the middle of nowhere was indicative enough. They were from two completely different worlds.

***

It may have taken months more, but what Levi clocked to a ‘bout of wanderlust’ eventually settled. He found, keeping himself busy with the right work had done wonders to placate the turmoil inside him.

Keeping busy somehow made it easier to sit up and get ready for work. It meant managing to desensitize his own moods to the weather around him.

Most importantly, it meant seeing some connection with the world, some sliver of motivation to go the extra mile with the people who worked with.

“Early as always, Ackerman.” Same greeting everyday.

“Morning to you too, Onyankopon,” Levi responded as he entered the irsmall office.

Onyankopon was a companion duringearly in the mornings, lunch times, late afternoons and sometimes, even the dinners when he would invite Levi out for a drink in the only bar for miles around.

Still, it made life remotely eventful when the only changing things had been the weather and his work.

And his work was very eventful.

“Uncle Levi! Did you find any bugs yesterday?” Just like every other morning, the two kids would burst through the door. Or more specifically, the brunette was always the one bursting through the door, the blonde just followed.

“Gaby, you might be bothering them,” Falco said. He said that at least three times a week.

Levi had never been the type anyway to tell them he didn’t mind their morning visits. It always meant something to look forward to.

“Nothing so far,” Levi said. He looked towards Onyakopon, the one in charge of reporting issues. “Hopefully.”

Onyankopon raised his hands in defense. “Don’t get mad at me, get mad at the devs who created the mood alarm in the first place."

Levi was constantly mad at the devs anyway, if he considered that constant state of self loathing. Working on the mood alarm as support had only made Levi realize how many shortcuts he had taken into making that damn application years ago.

“There’s nothing today,” Levi said as he looked at the two kids. “But I could give you a quick lesson,” he added. He couldn’t say no to the crestfallen faces of the two kids.

He dragged one seat next to him and guided Gaby to one of them and Falco to his own seat. “When I want to look for errors in the code, I look here first.” It was a terribly boring lesson, a useless one. Support 101. At the least, the kids seemed satisfied. “If I right click here, and then inspect, I can see what this website is made out of.”

Gaby let out a breath, a mix between a ‘wow’ and an ‘oh.’ “I can’t read it.”

“It’s another language,” Levi explained. “Computers don’t understand our language. So we have to learn another language to be able to talk to them. And when we’re able to tell them what we want, they’ll do things for us, things we can’t do ourselves.”

Gaby had asked more questions after that. Falco had asked his own too, albeit hesitantly.

The difference between the network and console tabs, the meanings of the strange brackets, what happens if they just aimlessly click…

That morning session ended with less than half the questions answered, and a promise to teach them more the next morning. Like every other day before, at eight in the morning, Onyankopon brought them to the activity room and Levi was left alone in the office.

There weren’t many people in the research center, only five employees in total. After all, there were only ten to twenty kids who came and went every day, a very manageable number for five people. He and Onyankopon shared an office and with Onyankopon busy a good chunk of the day, Levi was left alone.

With his own efficient working methods and his outstanding ability to quickly pick out the bugs, Levi was usually free for a cumulated five hours a day.

When he first started working there, his five hour long breaks consisted of reading novels or whatever stupid article came up on his timeline. He could have taken longer breaks yet chose to spend them as short sporadic bouts of inactivity

By spreading out periods of inactivity, Levi managed to somehow pacify the guilt at ‘doing nothing’ while being paid for the eight hours a day. There were times, it was strong, remnants maybe of his stint with the love alarm, barely taking leaves, willingly putting him through the pain of overtime.

Some days, they were particularly strong, sometimes incomprehensible that Levi suspected they could have been related to the burning curiosity, the burning attachment to his own application that never abated.

A burning attachment, a natural need to be productive eventually resulted in sporadic bouts of unproductivity spent just testing the mood alarm all for a brief look into his own emotions.

Even when he wasn’t feeling anything in particular, the application continued to glow colors, just flitting between greens and blues. They could have been yellows or oranges maybe, when Onyankopon or Gabi or Falco visited. He had never been the type to wear his heart on his sleeve though and thus, had never opened it with them around.

That day wasn’t any different. Alone in the office, he opened it again, held it in his hands and watched the colored blobs swim amongst each other, mix amongst one another, then disappear.

Blue or Green? That day it was blue. Why blue and why not green? He could never ask. ‘How’ was always an easier question to answer. He only had to connect his phone to the PC then boot up the dashboard.

His next break, he decided to try a visualization exercise, like every other time before.

Memories never seemed to do the trick. He’d take a risk and dive deep, into his memories with Hange, his anger at the situation, the loss of a life before. Yet it all came out greens and blues. The alarm rang, an almost deafening sound in the silent room and for a split second, it had Levi attentive and a little paranoid. Levi knew though, with the thick concrete walls around him, it was a sound just for him.

He connected his phone to the dashboard and booted the PC again.

There were numbers. He switched to a bar graph view, noting how there were terms, hormones and chemicals he could only barely make sense of. But the blue and the green bars higher than usual yet still very low were signs in themselves.

That morning was a normal morning. And every morning since he built that habit had been a normal morning.

The only thing which ended up different about that day was when footsteps sounded just outside the door. If Levi had been listening closely, he would have been able to point out, those weren't a rhythm of footsteps he was particularly privy too.

But normal mornings tended to desensitize people. Footsteps weren’t particularly interesting either.

In a town with only a few hundred people, it would most likely be someone who already lived there. He continued to work. He disconnected his phone from the dashboard and played with the mood alarm in his own phone again.

The door clicked open behind him, slowly enough for the creak to sound, then fast enough for the slam to come right after yet gently.

Onyankopon always opened the door a little wider, always slamming the door behind him and in between, there was always a greeting. If Levi had been more aware of his surroundings, maybe the lack of all that could have peaked his interest.

In the grand scheme of things though, the door slamming wasn’t anything particularly interesting. Levi continued to sit and stare at his phone.

“Levi Ackerman.”

A voice in an empty room though, was always an interesting thing. By some natural inclination towards voices, any presence in a room that was always his by mid morning, Levi was listening.

Making sense of the voice was a surprisingly slow process. The mood alarm reacted first.

The alarm sounded.

A wave climbed from his chest up until his neck, there was a bristle at the back of his neck, a tickle at his ears, then something pricked at his eyes. He looked down at the alarm before he could completely understand. The colors continued to swim then mix.

They always disappeared and finalized the reading in five seconds.

A second or two passed, and the colors still didn’t look at all in a hurry to disappear.

You’re going crazy Levi. He took a deep breath. He was dreaming. Because what the fuck. Of course she wouldn’t be here. She had an international company to run.

“Levi…” The voice sang. “That’s you right?”

Don’t look back.

“Or maybe there are just a lot of developers named Levi in this world… “ The footsteps were only getting closer. “Developers who are just really good at using the mood alarm.” Then the voice was right next to him.

When she had settled on that seat right at his peripherals, he couldn’t exactly chalk it up to a fevered dream. The mood alarm in his hands continued to ring. He could have sworn at least five seconds had passed. Yet the colors never disappeared, countless colors still swimming around on the interface as the mood alarm continued to read his emotions.

Levi had never been a master of articulation. The war of colors, the chaos on the phone were the best visual representation. He struggled to find the right words, but she continued to stare from his peripherals, her face many things at once.

Apologetic? Expectant?

“It is you,” she said, triumph and relief apparent in her tone.

That only pissed Levi off more. Another emotion added to his boiling pot. Eventually Levi thought it necessary to respond. With too little time, too little mindspace to even attempt to articulate, Levi kept himself to three words, the only three which could have meant everything at once.

“What the fuck.”

In response, she let out a soft laugh. “Are you crying?”

Crying? Now that Levi did think about it, there had been a crack in her voice too. Levi looked up to see her, smiling. Her eyes were smiling too. Then he followed the tear streak that barely grazed the side of her lip.

There was enough time, enough silence for Levi to gather himself. To stare at the reading on the application that couldn’t seem to decide what emotion Levi was feeling.

With enough self discipline, enough concentration, Levi managed to speak. “Hange, if you ask people why they’re crying, you’re just gonna make it worse.”

***

There was only one tea shop in the town, a tea shop which naturally, Levi had chosen as his favorite hang out spot.

Over the months, he had grown familiar with it and in turn, it had grown to become an intimate friend. An intimate friend he had never expected to ever introduce to Hange.

Onyankopon and Moblit had joined them for tea though, and suddenly, Hange didn’t feel like Hange. It could have been the way she shifted to an ‘all business’ demeanor or maybe a part of him was still trying to rationalize what he had deemed to be a very irrational thought.

Maybe he had imagined visiting the cafe with Hange a few times. The realist inside him though, had always believed it to be impossible. At that moment, the dreamer inside him was still taking its victory lap.

“You should have told us you’d be coming. We could have set up something better than late afternoon tea,” Onyankopon said. Either way, he seemed very happy to see them.

Moblit took a sip from his cup then revealed an apologetic smile underneath as he put the cup down. “Apologies for visiting all of a sudden. Doctor Zoe is a very impulsive person.”

Hange nodded. “I hope you don’t mind. As soon as I heard about this, I hopped on the next plane just to get here as soon as possible,” she said “I’m hoping to start something like this in the hospitals back home.”

Moblit put his cup down. “Right, I never got to properly introduce you to Levi.” He turned to Onyankopon then to Levi. “But I’m sure you’ve had a fair share of introductions… You did barge into his office this morning.” He had an apologetic look on his face.

“Hey, Doctor Zoe just wanted to see how we were using the software,” Onyankopon said in Hange’s defense. “I’m more than honored to see that the founder of the mood alarm is taking the time to even wander around our facility.”

Moblit cleared his throat. “Anyway, Levi, this is Doctor Hange Zoe, the founder of the mood alarm application. She visited our main hospital a year back but if I remember correctly, you were on leave right?”

“On a personal leave,” Levi clarified. He couldn’t find much else to say. He took a long sip of tea.

“This is Levi Ackerman,” Moblit said. “One of our best in IT support. He learned how to use your application pretty fast.”

“Yes…” Hange said. “And ever since you told me about him, I’ve been very excited to meet him.” Her grin only got wider as she studied his features, her eyes giving him a good once over. “I guess that’s the reason I ended up taking my own tour of the center while you too were catching up. I wanted to see your genius IT support in action,” she joked.

It was almost unbelievable that that morning, Hange had showed a completely different side to him. She had wiped her own tears pretty fast, shifting her expression to something very professional as soon as Onyankopon and Moblit had entered the office just that morning.

The whole afternoon, Hange was busy with activities and tours of the town, Levi busy with his own work. They barely got to talk. Fortunately, that had allowed Levi time to compose himself, enough to keep a straight face when Onyankopon had invited them over for some tea.

Then and there, there were conversations of partnerships and business, almost reminiscent to whatever bullshit he had to deal with in his old company. But this conversation had Hange, and Hange had shifted her gaze towards him enough times for Levi to feel it only proper to reciprocate.

“Once this project is over, would you consider letting Levi go?” Hange asked. “I’d love to have him visit our main office, maybe help out with some of our development work.”

Moblit shook his head vigorously. “No hesitation. It always felt like he was overqualified for this type of job.”

“By the way you talk about him, I can tell.” She looked at Levi knowingly, a silent form of communication just between both of them. She turned back to Moblit then Onyankopon, her face once again all business. “There are many things I hope to still improve with this application so any support on research, troubleshooting, development is very much appreciated.”

“What do you suggest?” Moblit asked.

A quick glance at Onyankopon and Levi knew he was asking the same question.

Hange put one finger to her chin in thought “A partnership…”

It looked like they had expected Hange to talk Levi’s ear off non stop about the application. Moblit had mentioned something about going straight home while Hange discussed the partnership with Levi, mentioning bugs, the debugger that had been stuck in the system and the bugs which Levi had been quick to point out.

Levi, being respectful, had only listened.

That was until Onyankopon and Moblit offered to walk ahead, leaving Levi and Hange alone on the red brick road overlooking the large lake.

It was early in the evening but it still felt like late afternoon. The sun never set until seven or eight during the mid months of spring.

Yet, the streets was empty, bereft of anything but the both of them.

With one quick scan of their surroundings, Hange turned back to him, she bit her lip and took a deep breath.

Her demeanor was suddenly a stark contrast with the enthusiastic, eloquent one back at a cafe. The sudden transformation was enough for Levi to tense up,

Hange spoke up. “This town really sleeps early,” she commented. “You're planning on going home now too?”

“I usually go home an hour earlier, especially on weekdays,” Levi responded. “I’m only out at this time because they invited me for late afternoon tea.” Technically it was dinner.

“Do you go home….” Hange started, she paused for a second, a very out-of-place pause. “To anyone?”

It took a lot of effort for Levi to resist choking or even letting out a ghost of a laugh at that question. I’m married to my job. That was the answer that popped into his mind out of instinct.

“Did I make it time?” Hange added a second later, only reminding Levi that he hadn’t even mustered a glimmer of answer.

“Make it in time?” Levi asked, in an attempt to stall for time.

“Petra…”

“She married Oluo.”

Hange didn’t seem satisfied. “Is there someone else…” she pressed. “Someone else...”

Hange started to speak with her hands, gesturing for Levi to ‘go on,’ in some awkward wave of a hand. The first awkward gesture Hange had done since they arrived.

Levi couldn’t help but just appreciate that bout of vulnerability he could pull out of her. “There is,” he said.

Just for a second, Hange’s face fell and for a moment Levi relished it.

“Oh…” Hange turned away. “Then, I should take you home… I’d love to meet her…”

Then suddenly, Levi felt just a little bad for that trick. “I was fucking kidding,” he said.

Hange let out a loud sigh of relief, an ugly huff and she looked away, suddenly self conscious.

Levi had to admit, it was an ugly snort. He was tempted to take a good look at her face, and maybe he had craned his neck as she kept silent for a second longer. “I’m not some idiot who would marry someone just because it’s convenient," he said.

“Give me a break. I just graduated from college when I decided to get married,” Hange said. “Besides, we enjoyed each other’s company.”

“If you chose that type of life, I wouldn’t have stopped you. Besides, you had a lot on the line, your PhD, your mood alarm, the love alarm, your reputation. It wouldn’t have been easy choice to make.”

Hange hummed. “The PhD is done, my reputation, I don’t give too much of a rat’s ass about that. And the mood alarm? That has always been mine. I put my own money into building that business.”

“It definitely wasn’t cheap.”

“It wasn’t,” Hange admitted. “What if I told you, I earned my own capital for building it in one night in a casino.”

Levi's thoughts flew back to the night at the casino. He grinned. “I’d believe you.”

“So the mood alarm is mine and I managed to keep it,” Hange said. “But I never forgot you know... The plans, the codes, they’re all yours.”

“So you did get the email,” Levi said.

Hange nodded. “And the email got me thinking…” she trailed off for what seemed like an eternity.

Levi couldn’t wait. “About what?”

Hange thought for a few seconds longer, putting her hands behind her back. “That ended up one reason why I even considered leaving Zeke,” she said. “He has a different way of loving, I have a different one too. Love is freedom. Love is just trusting. Zeke on the other hand, always likes to play safe, tie people down.”

“What happened to ‘love is a choice?’”

Hange seemed unperturbed. “Love still is a choice.”

“Then why not choose to love Zeke?” Levi challenged.

Hange sighed and put one hand up. “You said it yourself, deciding to leave wouldn’t be an easy decision,” she started. “I considered three things.”

She put one finger up. “Our own views of love. Zeke sees it as a game, as an investment and he approaches it conservatively… On the other hand, I see love and relationships as a form of freedom, a risk. In love, I don't believe in playing to win.”

She put another finger up. “I considered how I was feeling, this really weird feeling, my thoughts on Pemberley then on colors.”

“I thought you didn’t want to be a slave to your emotions.”

Hange shook her head. “I’m not. I approached this methodically. Even before considering my feelings, I considered my circumstances.” She put the third finger up. “I considered the backlash, I considered Zeke’s feelings, dealing with a divorce. And that’s what brought me here, despite the criticism, despite my inability to buy the love alarm and to barely salvage the mood alarm.”

“You still gave in to your emotions.”

Hange nodded. “After thinking long and hard about it, I did. But before that, I weighed all three, and I decided to take the risk.”

“Was it worth it?”

Hange shrugged and she leaned over the rail, seeming mesmerized by the lake. “I won’t know yet but I guess, even when I thought you had someone else…” There was a flash of hurt on her face, enough for Levi to regret playing that little joke on her.

“I don’t have anyone else,” Levi clarified.

Hange continued to speak. “I still thought the risk was worth taking. It would have been unfair to Zeke if I stayed and who am I to stop you if someone makes you feel happy.” She turned back to him. “This is the way I’ll choose to love. I’ll weigh my emotions, my circumstances and my worst case scenarios. Then I decide the most loving thing to do. If I have to take a risk, I take it. And I guess, given all that, looking for you seemed like the correct decision.”

Levi couldn’t stifle that smile any longer, and he hoped somehow, his own words would stop it from getting any wider. “Well, it's too early to tell if it's a good decision.”

Hange opened her phone and opened the application. “Can we try again?”

“You wanna use the love alarm?” Levi asked. “Your ex-husband’s application.”

“It’s still your brainchild,” Hange said as she waited for it to load. She hovered her thumb over it.

“I don’t have it installed,” Levi said.

“I can wait,” Hange said. And there was no room for argument in her voice.

An awkward few minutes as Hange watched him download the application. Levi focused on the loading bar, and luckily, his biometrics were still registered from that brief experiment of a year ago.

“On three…” Hange said, her voice a little stilted.

But they didn’t finish counting or maybe they just counted at completely different paces.

The alarms rang, filling the empty space between them, two rings which never seemed to find a uniform pace. Even with a very dominant fastidious side though, Levi wasn’t thinking too much about such a small detail.

Hange’s was smiling, grinning, or whatever that was called. Her face was a mix between pure ecstasy and pure passion. She wrinkled her eyes at him, her mouth climbed into a grin wider than he had ever been used to.

She let out a loud sigh. “I was fucking scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“That you would have gotten over me… I dunno, thought you might just think love was a choice, and I dunno, stop feeling whatever that love alarm thing was feeling.”

“I don’t think the love alarm works like that,” Levi said. Really, he started to realize he didn’t know how it worked.

Hange shook her head. “I’m probably just overthinking. You know… I learned how to code over the years, talked to a few developers and tried to look into how the application works,” she said.

“Did you find anything?”

“Remember when you told me that the love alarm starts to figure out for its own what love is. It creates its own definition. Something we can’t even comprehend...” Hange was still grinning, her voice coming out as breaths and sometimes sounds.

Still, Levi could comprehend most of it. “You have any theories?” he pressed. Hange always had theories.

“Soulmates? Relationships in a past life?” Hange suggested.

“Well, we can’t really look back at those right?” Levi said. “Well, what else?”

One word, one word out of Hange’s mouth. “Pemberley.”

“Pemberley?” Levi asked. Somehow though as Hange looked back at the lake, up at the sky then at the gaudy main street of that small town. Levi started to understand it himself.

“It’s ugly here,” Levi said. At first he had meant it. As Hange started to look at her surroundings then back at the lake, with a look of wonder in her eyes, Levi was sure he had meant it as a challenge.

“When you’re in love then with the person we love, everywhere starts to feel like Pemberley,” Hange completed a second later.

Does it? And he wondered why the hell, he needed Hange to point it out.

They were in an ugly town, a place people were paid to live in. The sky was constantly overcast. When it wasn’t raining, it was snowing and it snowed six months a year. When it wasn’t snowing or raining, the sky was at least threatening it.

The way that Hange had looked at it with such naive wonder, the way she had just stood there, looking at everything and back at him, Levi couldn’t help but entertain the idea of Pemberley.

Maybe give the colors a chance to show themselves? Hange didn’t say it out loud. In the moment they made eye contact though, Levi couldn’t help but just give that little piece of advice a chance, whether it had been his own or Hange’s.

He looked first at the main road and the red brick path, noting how the gaudy red, worn by the elements more than actual foot traffic seemed to still glow a bright red despite the grey undertones. He then looked to the buildings, varying shades of concrete grey yet ‘the varying shades’ of it seemed to still have some sense of novelty.

He then looked back at the ocean, the dark sky above never allowed it a more beautiful shade of blue, yet the bluish black still continued to glow. The waves only sent glimmers of silver against the dark blue. Then it was only natural that he looked up at the sky, the sky which never allowed any other shade for itself, except on a few select days a year.

The fog blocked whatever green the mountains beyond the lake would have shown him.

Looking back at Hange then back at his surroundings, he started to accept it. There were greens, reds, blues, yellows and every other color in the spectrum. The world glowed with so many colors, so many lights and sounds. His emotions were a whirlwind that spun to whatever rhythm the lights and colors blinked at.

Colors persevered and they’ve always persevered.

Emotions persevered and they’ve always persevered.

Even emotions we don’t understand ourselves. Levi added to himself.

Maybe Hange was right. That was what the love alarm had been trying to show. The one person who made the colors, the emotions all the clearer.

“This is a beautiful place,” Hange said. “And I wouldn’t mind staying here, lay low a bit, just long enough for people to forget the divorce fiasco.”

“There are a few nice places here,” Levi said.

Hange continued to stare.

Why don’t we just live here together right Levi?

I know you, you wouldn’t be able to stay out of the action.

Levi felt almost ashamed at that mystery response that seemed to pop into his head out of nowhere. We can live here long enough to get our shit together. "First things first, let’s discuss this partnership, over tea in my house.”

“Now?” Hange’s widened her eyes. And her eyes were smiling.

“Well, unless you have other plans tonight,” Levi said.

Hange shook her head. “Nothing much…”

They made the whole way back to his home in silence. Surprisingly, Levi preferred it that way. It had been enough for him to appreciate his new comprehension of his surroundings, the small details he hadn't noticed before.

It wasn’t just the view. The rhythm of their footsteps, their uncoordinated breathing, and just the way the trees rustled, the wind blew, always found a way to glow different colors. His emotions, the chaos of every moment after that were also challenging him to find their colors.

And the circumstances that had them locked in his cramped apartment, sitting over tea, with no one else watching, nothing restricting them had Levi reflecting. It probably had Hange reflecting too. They spoke unhindered with just thoughts, expressions and locked gazes.

For one reason or the other, it happened quickly and abruptly, leaving no space or time to comprehend it.

Sitting on his living room sofa right next to her. Hands clasped against the other. Her dry lips were on his.

The magic welling in his chest, the thunder that climbed quickly up his throat, persevering even underneath the grey. They were all screaming at him then, they all glowed colors.

At that moment though, he had been to tired to reflect on it for any longer. He decided to just roll with it.

It was no use making sense of it. After all, life, love and emotions... They were all just complicated that way.

#levihan #levihan fanfiction

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absolutebl · 4 years ago

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This Week in BL

April 2021 Part 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Second Chance Ep 1 - living up to its name since it looks to be a series of redemption arcs. Launched with a college confession and a broken friendship, then a flash back to them as seniors in high school. Pairings include friends to lovers, nerd/jock, and maybe cafe boss/employee. There’s a lot going on, but it’s still... quiet and sweet. The script is pretty pat but it’s still WAY more watchable than Cupid Coach or Brothers and most of the acting is solid. Ep 1 tropes included: he’s in engineering, wound tending, fast & bicurious. This could turn into what I wanted My Gear & Your Gown to be. Fingers crossed.

Love Poison 2 Ep 1 & 2 turns out I did watch and report on season 1 (8 eps), season 2 seems equally unmemorable. Thai countryside setting, strong dialect, incomprehensible plot, camp side characters, and ghastly singing.

Y-Destiny Ep 1 (eng subs?) - opened with the sports romance enemies to lovers (they aren’t going in the teaser order). When the couple got over fighting, the flirting was v cute, but the flipping SPONGE BATH trope had to rear its ugly head. Still, this series is shaping up to be less coy and more frank than most BL, better than expected. It feels, I don’t know, gay-er or something? *** Sources were correct that each couple is getting (at least) 2 eps, and MDL has been updated to say this is a 15 episode series (not 7).

Cupid Coach 12 fin - The new Nite was great and should have been a main all along. It felt like we got a tiny nugget of what could have been in about 10 minutes worth of this last ep. It was way too slow with terrible editing and a criminally bad script, but at least it ended happy. Mostly, like Friend Forever, I’m just disappointed that these two actors were done dirty by the series. Bad Cupid Coach, no screen caps for you.

Lovely Writer Ep 6 - breaking news, there’s a het couple I like: toppy bi femme + soft boi = such a good pairing! I know, but this NEVER happens. Meanwhile, Sib’s secret is out, Gene is a bit of a drama queen, and the plot thickens. We half way through.

Brothers Ep 9 - Kaow had a serious moment of advice giving that was truly lovely. Lots of family dama made this a superior episode to... well... any of the others in this series. Which isn’t saying much.

1000 Stars Ep 10 fin - at the start this series didn’t grab me the way GMMTV’s last BL, Tonhon Chonlatee, did. But boy did it end 1000x better. Might have given us 2021′s best forehead kiss. I enjoyed the ultra romantic cliff-top reunion kiss, and I LOVED the stinger flirting scene. That was an absolute gift we had no right to expect. This drama is a poster child for finishing on a high note (always focus on that dessert course). Final thoughts? This was FAR more a classic romance than it was BL. There were some BL tropes used but not many and most of them originated in the romance genre not yaoi. A picture perfect ending bumped 1000 Stars much higher up my best-of list than expected. Not sure how often I’ll rewatch it as a whole, but this last episode? I’m probably rewatching it right now.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 3 fin - I guess that’s it? Okaaaaay

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 3 (AKA Ep 5-6) - we got actual legit gay culture not just BL (always appreciated) from XingSi. I’m starting to find LiCheng’s “show them we fucking” hijinks hilarious rather than annoying (not sure why, maybe I just love a rubber chicken, or maybe it was the STUFFED CORN WITH THE TASSEL that did it).

-- H4 Moment of RANT --

Tropes included beach trip, there’s only one bed, cook for him, baby is a floppy drunk, carry baby to bed, and.... drunk non-con. Whoopdedoo. Here we go again. Did TharnType teach us NOTHING? (Apparently it taught us if the chemistry is good enough, I have no morals at all.) At least H4 seems to be taking us out of cheese into serious when it comes to assault. Or is it?

I take back what I said last week about XingSi & YongJie being codependency + salvation trope, that only works if YongJie is the uke. He’s NOT. So we got us an obsessive predatory villain with a possible redemption arc. That’s more common in crime dramas, mafia romance, and epic fantasy than BL. It’s real hard to redeem a sexual predator in a reality-grounded universe like contemporary romance (See Kla in LBC1&2).

Next week is gonna be a test of the whole damn franchise. Imma remind both me a you that this was ep 3 of 10 so we got a ways to go yet... but ooof, what have we wrought, BL? (I ended up doing a whole post about the stepbrother trope because of this sub plot.) Taiwan is killing me.

-- RANT ended --

Word of Honor (China) Ep 19-21 - over half way point so we got ALL the back story (in a classic 4 act story structure midway reveal). Now we know who WKX really is and his lineage. We also got some cute hugs and hand holds. Moving along at a nice clip despite being 36 eps total. Still gayest thing to come out of we-not-gay China since Advance Bravely.

Most Peaceful Place (Vietnam) Ep 2 - takes them a while to get eng subs together and ep 2 didn’t drop until late. So I’m putting this in a Thurs time slot going forward. Miscommunication already cleared up and a 2nd couple has been introduced. The pacing on these Vietnamese BLs is always a bit... off. But it’s still better than most of its ilk, enjoyable. I’m thinking it’s a 6 ep arc.

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 5 - after the initial drama DRAMA of ep 2, the current external crisis at work is much quieter, giving this whole season a top heavy feel. Taken along side the first season, I think it’s fitting nicely into a 4 act structure, but that might be my bias. I hope I’m not wrong, we’ll find out next week. Shi De puttering about being domestic with Shu Yi on his back was the best execution of the piggyback trope EVER. Meanwhile, our little D/s side couple of codependency, salvation trope + mental illness is becoming weirdly appealing. I don’t know. H4 done mess with my head.

Stand Alones

Absolute BL AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko (Japan) Ep 1-4 mini series. Found subs under A Man Who Defies The World of BL. IT’S HILARIOUS. It’s Japan making fun of us, but also itself for having started this whole BL nonsense - from yaoi roots to present day. It’s parody goddamn gold. Utterly cheeky unto the very last line. We are not worthy.

Apparently the most powerful tropes of all time are: baby is a floppy drunk and the piggyback fo nobility. Oh and chocolate. {Full review here.}

Honestly, this show may have been made with only @heretherebedork and I in mind. I don’t know if you’d even understand half of it if you don’t have a history with the manga source genre and an obsessive interest in underlying narrative devices. I haven’t seen much chatter in the blog’o’sphere on this one because, in the end, it’s not a romance at all, it’s social commentary.

The ending line was a masterclass in lampooning a genre. I’m going to rewatch the whole thing just to catch all the digs I missed first time around. It is a thing of beauty and a joy forever.

Thank you Japan. I forgive you all your hair-styling sins of the last decade.

Breaking News

Spring Line Up:

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) April 15th

Close Friend the series (Thai trailer) April 22.

2gether the movie (Thai trailer) April 22 to Thai theaters.

Nitiman (Thai) May 7 on One31.

I Told Sunset About You 2 (Thai) May 27 on LineTV

Ossan’s Love (Hong Kong) June to Viu

Gossip

Bad Buddies released its first promo op via Arm Share, which means GMMTV is at least *thinking* about filming it.

Fun behind the scenes gossip sesh with eng subs for Tell the World I Love You (that Perth Bas movie we are maybe getting someday but will likely be sad).

New Thai BL Bite Me (adapted from novel Grab a Bite) dropped a teaser. It stars Mark Siwat (Kla in LBC) as uke character Ake, a delivery boy with special foodie powers, and chef Eua (seme played by Zung Kidakorn) who discovers him. It’s from the same author as Manner of Death so we might even get some actual plot. Since it’s an established BL actor who I happen LOVE, a known author, and a plot about FOOD, I could not me more excited for this one.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons. Some are dropping multiples at a time but just started so I’m not sure on numbering.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

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ushidoux · 4 years ago

Text

Be My Last - Iwaizumi x Reader

Summary: You have trouble getting over a past relationship and it’s preventing you from moving forward. (~3.5k words)

Warnings: stubborn ass reader, very slight nsfw at the end

A/N: It took me a long time to write this because I have trouble with fluff and also trouble with characterizing Iwa lmfao, I might need a second watch. I hope you enjoy! Happy Thanksgiving!

Part 1|| Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5

---

“Are you serious?! Are you really saying no to this face?”

Your best friend was now leaning so far across the fast food dining table that she had practically climbed on top of it, holding up her phone just inches from your face to force you to take a better look at the picture of the blind date she had arranged for you.

Your eyes crossed uncomfortably by reflex and you pulled back sharply to grab the phone from her and take a better look. On second glance, you had to admit that the guy standing next to Oikawa was quite good-looking, a couple inches shorter but with a sturdier build, sharper features and just enough scowl in his facial expression to intrigue you.

In fact, he was exactly your type.

“Just one date,” your friend insisted. “You’ve been pining over your ex for almost a year now! You don’t have to fall in love but maybe a small distraction? Plus, double dates would be so fun, come onnnnn~”

Your friend was only rarely this animated so you knew she really wanted this but the idea of even considering romance again after being dumped so harshly before was so undesirable that you stubbornly shook your head instead and took another bite of your burger.

“___, please?”

You frowned, and your friend’s pout grew deeper once she realized there was a pretty good chance you wouldn’t budge about this. After all, you’d rejected every single person that so much as looked in your direction so effectively these past few months that it had essentially become an afterthought.

She leaned back in her seat, occupying herself now with picking out a particularly long fry off of the platter you were sharing, trying to minimize her disappointment. Despite how much she hoped you would say yes, she could understand why you felt the way you did.

“I’m sorry,” you offered, sipping on your drink. She let out a defeated sigh.

“Well, I’ll try to figure out a compassionate way to let Iwa now that you’re not interested. Honestly, Oikawa will probably be more offended by it than me.”

At this last comment, her eyes twinkled softly with a mild amusement and she started to text her boyfriend. However, knowing that it would possibly be a bigger deal to reject Oikawa’s best friend right off the bat than to just endure a date once, you reconsidered.

“Fine! Stop, I don’t need Tooru yelling in my ears. I’ll go.”

She smiled. You’d fallen right into her trap.

---

Exactly 72 hours later almost to the minute, you found yourself standing before the duo of childhood friends at the entrance of a town fair, your friend by your side.

Oikawa’s partner-in-crime was, to both your surprise and chagrin, even better looking in person. Kinder too, if you discounted the glare he shot at Oikawa when he introduced him mock affectionately as ‘Iwa-chan, his very best friend in the whole wide world’. You stifled a laugh as Iwa released Oikawa from a headlock, and introduced yourself politely to him noticing the very faint pinking of the ears that accompanied the softening of his expression as he shifted his attention to you.

A small fluster you couldn’t help but find cute was evident in his voice as he shared his full name - Iwaizumi Hajime. Strike one.

Strike two was the careful distance he left between you two as you walked through the street fair, just steps behind Oikawa and your friend who trekked confidently and comfortably linked hand in hand. His questions were respectful but pointed, like he truly wanted to get to know you as much as possible, and as he listened he leaned in just so, making sure to hear you clearly over the bustle of the busy crowds.

He helped you with your safety belts as you strapped in together on small thrill rides and you could catch his furtive glances in the corner of your eyes as you laughed and screamed.

A part of you wondered if it was too quick, if it was a bad omen that he already appeared smitten with you despite having just met. However, you had missed the feeling of someone liking you genuinely and explicitly so, dating back from even before you had started having problems in your last relationship, so you appreciated it wholeheartedly.

Strike three was him immediately setting a time and a date to meet again, without the hovering presence of your best friends, which he emphasized loudly to listening ears behind you (Oikawa made his disappointment at being excluded quite apparent by groaning loudly within earshot).

“I really enjoyed spending time with you today, ___.”

It wasn’t too much, wasn’t too little and wasn’t too soon.

“So did I.” You replied with a smile more genuine than you’d had for months.

---

Date two went as smoothly as date one.

Dinner and a movie, a classic. Iwa had chosen a psychological thriller that you had been looking forward to for a couple weeks and prior to meeting you’d started to text back and forth regularly about theories, so thereafter sprang forth endless spirited debates. As the evening progressed, you noticed him yielding earlier and earlier, and you noticed that he got quieter as the night went on, preferring to sit back and watch you talk. You couldn’t tell if it was the few cocktails with dinner but soon you were distracted by eyes that rested on you easily with an accompanied smile. It was enough to make your face grow warm.

“Am I talking too much?” You asked, sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I get like this when I’m excited.”

“I love hearing you talk,” he replied with a small laugh. “No one can talk as much as Oikawa so don’t worry.”

Your smile spread from ear to ear and you could feel your bruised heart grow ever so slightly.

---

Date three, four and five had you swept off your feet and you found yourself falling between hikes, picnics and aquarium trips.

Which was why when your friend called you to gloat about how she was right about you two all along, you realized just how deep you had fallen and almost instantly, that familiar fear that you had been nursing for the past year settled back into your consciousness.

You couldn’t bear another heartbreak. The thought of Iwa’s warm smiles becoming addictive and constantly craving the feel of his hands on your skin only to then be discarded like a participation ribbon hung heavy on you.

“I.. I don’t think I can keep seeing him,” you said, in sudden realization, despite the fact that you had been gushing about your dates just minutes earlier.

You could hear a pause on the other end of the line, and then your friend asked softly, “Is it because you still miss him?”

The other him. Of course you did, you still lived in the apartment the two of you had shared right after college, having given yourself multiple excuses not to move out. You hadn’t even bothered to change the decorations you’d bought together and thus every part of this place reminded you of him.

You even watered the plants he had left behind every morning. You couldn’t tell if it was because you had grown attached to them or worse - because you thought maybe, just maybe, if he ever came back, he’d want to know that you were always nursing your love.

“I’m… not sure,” you replied.

Your friend sighed audibly into the phone.

“You’re missing out on someone great, but I’ll support you regardless.”

---

Your graduate classes ended late the next evening, and you stumbled into your apartment with mild exhaustion, kicking off your shoes and slipping off your jeans before plopping on your bed.

Iwa had said he wanted to come see you, and even though just a few days ago you had been excited at the prospect of spending time with him in your own home, your stomach fluttered with a different type of alarm when you considered the fact that if you were to tell him you were no longer interested in letting whatever was between you bloom, it would have to be now.

Would it be better to tell him over text message or on the phone or in person? You didn’t want to see the look on his face when you hurt him; you knew it would change your resolve.

If you called him on the phone, would you be able to withstand hearing the disappointment in his voice? Would he demand a reason, and would he tell you your weak one wasn’t enough?

If you sent him a simple text and then blocked his number, would you be the awful person too chickenshit to say the words to his face?

Your phone buzzed just as you were paralyzed with your choices.

I’m 20 minutes away. How was your class?

You froze.

20 minutes to make a decision. Would you have him come all this way just to drop him without a very good reason in the comfort of your own home?

You stared at your phone for five minutes longer, perseverating, only to be startled out of your trance when you saw his name flash over the front. You forgot you had read receipts on; it had never been a problem before.

“Hey, are you okay?” His voice dripped of concern. “You read but didn’t answer.”

“Y-yeah, of course! Class was good… I’ll see you in a bit.”

---

You soon wished you hadn’t let Iwa into your apartment. Now that he was here snuggled with you on the couch, close enough that you could take in his scent, all you could think of was the thought of his lips on yours.

5 dates and you hadn’t yet kissed. Maybe that was for the best, you were planning to break up with him anyway, weren’t you?

You weren’t exactly sure when you had crept so close to each other, but your head now rested gently on his shoulder and his hand had at some point snaked around your waist to pull you against him. You could feel your heart pound in your chest as you stayed close in the dark, and maybe you could feel his own heart beat, steady as his breathing despite the tension building in the air.

You had lost track of the plot of the movie on your flat screen long ago, too preoccupied with the flurry of potential ensuing scenes between you in your head.

What would stop you from going full speed ahead? The fear that you wouldn’t matter enough to him once months came to pass and he learned just how far short you fell from his perfect perception of you? Or that you would once again find yourself in darkness, wondering how many times you’d open your heart only to wish you had kept it guarded?

Or maybe it was the reality that you weren’t sure that you really wanted to move on?

Iwa was a good person, he didn’t deserve your hesitation.

He shifted ever so slightly beside you and in the backlight of the flashing scenes on the television screen, you could see his eyes settle on your lips.

“Is it okay if we-,” he started, only to be interrupted by the fact that you had already pulled him in by the shirt collar and were lost in the taste of him on your tongue. You could tell he was surprised, but Iwa leaned into your kiss, pulling you now fully onto his lap and holding you steady by the waist as the two of you made out.

Your hands crept up to his face, fingers gently trailing then cupping the curve of his jaw, and the longer you kissed, the more of him you wanted. When his hands started to tug just slightly at the edge of your shirt to warn you he was going underneath, you tensed but nodded to allow him to palm a breast and roll a nipple between two fingers.

A soft moan left you, renewed when Iwa’s lips left your mouth to kiss a spot just before your earlobe, and his other hand pressed firmly into the small of your back to secure you even closer to him, close enough that you could feel his bulge pressing through his jeans and against your body. Knowing that you could feel him, he whispered breathily into your ear:

“I won’t continue if you don’t want me to.”

Did you want him to continue?

You pulled back from him to study his face, glowing with an earnest desire for you and suddenly you felt so guilty.

“I… I think we should stop here,” you choked out, ignoring the warmth in your cheeks and the flicker of disappointment in his face, and you slowly climbed off him, embarrassed as you stood on your feet.

He didn’t ask why and replied with acceptance.

“Okay.”

---

What he didn’t accept was you finally telling him you no longer wanted to see him in a text message hastily conjured in the middle of the night after a particularly hard day.

He called immediately and you let the phone ring, biting your lip the entire six rings it took for him to give up. He didn’t leave a voice message, but sent you a short text.

I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Can we please talk?

You fought back the urge to cry as you turned over to go to sleep.

He called again in the morning, and when you ignored his call for a second time, the unreasonable part of you waited for a follow-up voicemail or text message which never came. Good for you. You couldn’t understand your own feelings right now and you didn’t deserve to have him sort them out for you.

At least if you acted like a bitch, he would drop you before you could change your mind.

---

“A text message? Really?”

Your friend had dropped by the following Saturday morning for brunch and while you had dreaded this conversation, you had expected it to happen and steeled yourself for the admonishment. You shrugged, avoiding looking at her in the eyes and focusing on watering the plants at your windowsill. Your friend watched you carefully, irritation bubbling within her in response to your stubborn silence.

“I wouldn’t be so insistent if I knew you didn’t like him, but you do! Everyone can see it!”

You didn’t reply, opening your blinds instead. Plants needed lots of sun in addition to water.

“___, I didn’t want to be harsh but he’s not coming back. Even if it’s not with Iwa, please… please get over him.”

You finally turned and gave her a meaningful look, tears now coming to your eyes. Your friend’s mouth fell slightly ajar and realizing just how harsh her truth had been, she got up from your kitchen table and walked over to you to envelop you in a hug as you came undone.

---

A total of three weeks passed, and you finally admitted to yourself that you missed Iwa but it was clearly too late to fix anything. Calling him up would just get you ignored (and rightfully so) and you couldn’t bear to send another text message after ghosting him. Instead you watered your ex’s plants and focused on your classes.

Your best friend had forgiven you for your cruelty even though she let you know she was still suffering from Oikawa’s wrath on your behalf, so instead you decided to distract yourself by going out with other friends and picking up new hobbies.

A girl you were getting to know from class was very excited about a new high-end gym that had opened with nice amenities including a pool and a sauna and free physical training sessions with membership so you indulged her by going as a guest on a weekend.

You had to admit that the place was beautiful, and you made a beeline for the elliptical, a tried and true contraption. She had been making a fuss about one of the instructors being attractive which you had in all honesty paid very little attention to, until she dragged you by the arm to hiss into your ear.

“There he is, don’t look too obviously.”

You turned to find yourself staring straight at Iwaizumi Hajime, physical trainer.

“Oh shit, he’s looking at you,” she whispered, but you were already making your way to the exit. “Wait, where are you going?”

Your pace had gone from a walk to almost a run.

“____!” you heard him call behind you as you scurried as fast as you could off of the premises. Embarrassing. So, so embarrassing.

His voice was starting to sound aggravated, and your run stuttered to a standstill. What were you doing? Running from someone because you told them you didn’t want to date them?

He caught up to you in the parking lot and he no longer smiled; there was a tinge of mild irritation that graced his facial expression as he looked at you.

“Please stop running from me. You don’t need to make it awkward… I... I’m not thinking about it.” He glanced away at the last statement, but you knew he was being sincere while you were being ridiculous.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered, and you thought maybe you would say more but he cut you off.

“You don’t have to be sorry. Have a good workout. If you need any help, I’m available, as are the other instructors.”

Professional and curt, he bowed before turning, and before you realized what you were doing, you found yourself tugging onto the sleeve of his shirt to hold him back. When he looked back to you again, while he didn’t give you the fierce scowl he reserved for Oikawa, his expression was still harsh as he looked down at you, waiting to see what you had to say.

What did you want to say? You already said you were sorry, there wasn’t much else to add.

Words failed you and you recoiled ever so slightly. He sighed audibly, and turned fully to face you.

“___, please don’t play with my feelings.”

You deflated as he waited just a few more moments for you to come up with the courage to say you still wanted him, and when you were unable to come up with the words, he bowed again, and returned to the building.

Moments later, you texted your friend to tell her you were sorry, but you were going home immediately.

---

It was a few minutes past 9pm and you had all but forgotten the sting of Iwa’s words as you focused on homework, listening to lo-fi music to help you concentrate. Your phone buzzed once, and you expected maybe your classmate to yell at you again for ditching her, but instead you found a message from Iwa.

I’m sorry for speaking to you that way.

Your heart thumped hard once in your chest, and you flipped your phone over to get back to work, but it was too late. Your concentration was shot for the night.

I’m ready to listen to whatever you have to say, a second message read.

What would happen if you wore your heart on your sleeve just one more time?

Iwa called you before you could call him, and this time you picked up, breathing a hesitant “Hello?” into the phone.

“___, I like you. A lot,” he paused, as those words sank into your heart. “I’m sorry, I wanted to get that out of the way.”

“I do, too,” you replied just as quickly.

Another pause. You swallowed hard and continued,

“I just don’t want to hurt you.”

His reply was fast. “You couldn’t if you tried.”

You frowned. “You don’t understand… I still think I have some unresolved feelings for someone else, and I just… I don’t want to wrong you in the long run.”

Another pause. You pressed your eyes shut, anticipating the worst, whatever it was. It felt as though you were on the line for ages, until suddenly Iwa finally spoke.

“Try me.”

“What?” Your shock was audible, and he repeated himself.

“Use me if you need to.”

You couldn’t believe what he was saying.

“But-”

“I know we’ve only been seeing each other for a short time, but I can’t explain it… I know I’m willing to risk it.” The confidence in his voice was almost shocking, and it made your heart swell.

“Hajime…”

“May I come over?”

---

The conversation ended with Iwa promising you that he’d make you forget your ex, your faces now just inches from each other, him hovering above you as you laid on your back in the comfort of your bed, eyes feasting on his exemplary physique. Starting up where you left off just three weeks prior, you held onto him for dear life as his hips rolled against you, his body pistoning into you carefully and precisely, his hands gentle and steady, and both of your hearts full.

If you were worried about using him, then don’t. Use him as much as you need to. He was giving you permission, is what he said.

Would you take advantage of him?

Now that you were in his embrace, you found it unlikely: for the very first time in a year, you knew that while you weren’t in love yet, you could feel yourself falling very, very soon.

#iwaizumi x reader #iwa x reader #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi hajime x reader #hajime x reader #hajime iwaizumi x reader #haikyuu x reader #mae.writing #haikyuu!#not sfw #series: be my last

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imonthinice · 3 years ago

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The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 14/?

Word Count: 2.2k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name

Somehow! I decided that Y/N became more of an OC, I don't know how this happened, but I might release an AU just because I clearly can’t fanfiction Y/N lmao.

Warnings: Discussion of arrests, Mentions of alcoholism, Mentions of drug use, Mentions of Jason’s trauma, Mentions of relationships ending bad, Mentions of abuse (domestic), No beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

“Your friends... all got arrested?” he paused, “Do you remember this? At all?” he questioned.

“Do you expect me to remember any of this? I was black-out drunk, Jason,” she said, “There’s a lot of questions that need to be answered now, I know that.”

“You going to worry about this now and fix it?”

“I really don’t want to deal with it. My memory of the night is non-existent anyway.”

“Getting drunk does that to you.”

“You’d think I would know that by now,” she muttered under her breath.

He chose to ignore that statement because clearly, she wasn’t prepared for everyone to know of that part of her past yet. But that was neither here nor there.

“Do you have any notes that you need to write?” he asked, trying to ease the tension. Hoping it would clearly make her feel better if he changed the subject.

“No, I can read my own notes. I only printed them out for you, Jay.”

“Well that’s very sweet of you to do, baby.”

“Got to make up for my recklessness somehow, I guess,” she laughed, “It is what it is, I guess.”

“You should be more confident in the fact that you don’t need to make up for recklessness,” he paused, “Did I ever tell you about that time I dared Dick to tuck and roll out of the car?”

“Dick mentioned it.”

“I’m surprised he didn’t tell you that he made me do the same first, actually,” he laughed, “We were with dad, he was teaching me how to drive as one does, and when we stopped so dad could answer a phone call, Dick leant over to me and said, ‘During my demo, twenty bucks if you tuck and roll out of the car.’ and me, being a stupid teenager took the deal,” he laughed, “Dad was pissed at us two and refused to take Dick on my driving lessons after that.”

“Well that doesn’t explain why you made Dick tuck and roll out of the car,” she laughed.

“I’m getting to it! So the next time Dick was going to go for a drive with Dad, probably because he wanted to tell Dad about Barbara or something, I don’t know, I said, ‘To get your twenty bucks back, you tuck and roll out of the car this time.’ Dick, also being a stupid teenager, did it,” he laughed, “And that’s why dad never takes us on car rides now.”

“Have any of your other siblings tucked and rolled out of cars?”

“You say that like it’s a daily activity people just do.”

“Well, who’s to say your family is not one of those types of people?” she joked.

“Logic?”

“Logic? In the Wayne Manor? That’s rich.” she joked.

“Like you would know!” he retorted to her before grabbing her and yanking her onto his chest as he laid down on his bed.

“You’re dating a girl who flipped off the press twice, you cannot look at me and say your family possesses logical thinking.”

“That’s valid, I won’t dismiss that,” he laughed.

They let the news play in the background as they cuddled. Jason still had his stitches in and he said it was because Dick said, “You’ve been moving too much’ and the two of them laughed, knowing that that was likely going to be the outcome. They knew what they did, they knew it was worth it. Dick probably didn’t think it was worth it, if he even caught on,

Bruce had reamed Jason out for that, because Bruce did catch on. Bruce had to play the parenting role in this all, and he knew what Jason was like. He knew Jason likely wasn’t prepared for the escapade and journey they had took.

He was right. Jason wasn’t prepared for that, he didn’t have the necessary items for it. Y/N and Jason didn’t care about that at the time, so they didn’t even bother to realize. Kids will be kids, Bruce supposed, and he hoped for the best possible outcome out of this. He knew Jason wasn’t ready, he didn’t know if Y/N was ready, but he knew if what he was scared would happen actually happened, he’d support the two of them unconditionally.

But they would continue to do their own thing as time went on, and even at 3 in the morning, no one could stop them from doing what they wanted, what they needed.

That was the beauty of the chase they had done to get to this point, the drama, the love, the pain, it all got them to the point where they were side-by-side in his bed, naked. Obviously they were going to have sex eventually, they just didn’t expect it this early on, but they also seemed to be speed running the entire relationship to the good parts, where they knew each other like the back of their hands, just enjoying the quality time they got with each other.

Yes, it was soon. But it worked for them, and that’s what mattered to all of them. Not just Jason and Y/N, it mattered to his family that even if they were quickening their pace, they were happy and understanding of sometimes it just goes a little faster than one would expect. It doesn’t mean it’s bad or doomed to fail, it just means it’s clicking in a lot of ways others didn’t.

Jason had a dating rep he didn’t like to admit. He was known for being a womanizer, a playboy, someone that dads everywhere didn’t want their daughters to be with. He was given this through the fact that he did have women come in and out of his life. He didn’t want it to be this way, but that’s how it ended up being when some women, most women, would crack under the pressure of his life. He moved fast because he thought it made up for the craziness that was his life.

So, when he found out that Y/N didn’t like the press very much, he was ecstatic. He knew she didn’t know about what was being said about him everywhere, he knew she didn’t feel scared either, when she proved time and time again that she had a backbone to stand up against the press. Was she one-of-a-kind for this trait? No. Barbara also exhibited this with Dick and their relationship. But Jason had been so shit on by women he tried to date that Y/N was a nice change.

He didn’t want the press to be her new norm, that running from them would become her life, but he also didn’t know if that bothered her for a while, until he saw the articles. The ones calling her names and insulting her every feature, physical and character traits she had shown them. He knew that of course, with the games she had been playing, that they would insult her, and with the court case going on with her attacker, they were just more vicious.

That’s why he demanded she get into Dick’s car the morning after he found out about her drinking, not because he didn’t trust her or anything, but he knew with the ongoing case that she’d be bombarded worse than before. She realized this was his reasoning eventually, probably when she was in his arms.

Her dating streak had been better, but it still wasn't the best. She had a lot of secrets she felt like she needed to hide because of how they made her feel, but eventually she would come out with her stories, the assaults, the bad men, the way they used and used her and how she let it slide.

Being assaulted was something a lot of the population had to deal with and cope with, most likely never actually telling people of their assaults and just letting it simmer, deep, deep down in their brains. Wishing it would have just not happened.

She wanted to talk about it, but she had also healed so much from it with the help of Jason. Sure, he didn’t fix all the issues she had with exes, but the fact that he didn’t treat her the way the others did, sure as hell helped.

Writing and dance also helped her cope with a lot of the bad things that had happened to her. She figured if Jason went through bad things, he had an outlet too, because he did seem torn up, but not massively affected. Maybe he was good at hiding how he felt about it all, but maybe he had a way to deal with the trauma.

She knew his parents’ stories and how he was so young during so much of it, and he hoped, prayed even, that he had coped well with those events. But she had no control over most if not all of the events that transpired and how he handled dealing with them.

Both of their minds had a thing for wandering away from them at the worst yet best moments. When she got a call.

“Hello?” she questioned into the phone, when an automated voice returned.

“This is a prepaid call from Gotham County Jail. From inmate ‘Justine Wong’, to accept this call, please dial 1.”

She did.

“Thank you for your cooperation. All inmate calls are recorded. Your account balance is $40.50.”

“Y/N?” Justine asked.

“Hey, I’m here.”

“So, we have an issue,” she joked, “How much do you remember?”

“Nothing. I don’t remember anything.”

“I figured, fuck.”

“It seems issues follow me wherever I go, huh.”

“No, no. It’s our fault, myself, Kaitlin, Thomas, Christopher, we all dragged you out of the house and got you drinking. I barely even remember how it got to where it ended.”

“Well that... that isn’t ideal, Justine. Do you know when your court date is?” Y/N asked.

“I don’t even know if the guy is pressing charges, I hope he doesn’t.”

“You can say that again,” she joked.

“I’m sorry I dragged you into this mess, I took you to the bar that night.”

“You did, yeah.”

“I should have known better.”

“It’s... it’s not that you should have known better, man. It’s... it’s that a bunch of unfortunate circumstances lead us to this point,” she tried to say to comfort her friend. She did feel like it was Justine’s fault in a way, but she didn’t know if fighting with her over the phone while she was held in jail for bodily harm charges was the best idea.

“I feel like you’re mad at me,” Justine admitted.

“It’s not important, really. We can talk about it in anywhere from a couple months to a year, hoping you get lucky.”

“I think we all want to get lucky, Y/N.”

“I know.”

“I think we’re running out of time here, with the call.”

“We are.”

“Well, I love you, man. I’m sorry about all of this.”

“I love you too.”

Click. She paused for a second, with Jason sleeping next to her, she questioned a lot. Whether these friends were even worth it at the end of the day. She had changed so much since she last saw them, trying to cut clean of alcohol, drugs, partying. And trying to better herself,

But she knew all 3 of them were trying to do so too. They really had just ended up in a bad situation. It was 4:34am, and she was just lost in thought when Jason turned into her in his sleep. She smiled.

She played with his hair a bit while he slept, trying to just calm herself. He seemed sweaty, and clutched his bed sheets with one of his hands, She thought maybe he needed comfort right now, not her. She didn’t ever notice this behavior before these moments, and it concerned her.

He was a grown man having nightmares, she assumed, but she didn’t like it. He deserved to sleep peacefully throughout the night when he woke up in a cold sweat, clutching his sheets and having his hair stroked.

He didn’t question it and just laid on top of Y/N, and let her stroke his hair as he tried to go back to sleep. They didn’t say anything, either of them. It was just really early on a Thursday morning, and they were making the best of the situations they had been thrown in.

There wasn’t any tension between the two of them, but they knew they were a ticking time bomb, that eventually they would fight and the supposed ‘Honeymoon Phase’ would be over. They didn’t like that thought, that one day they might be at each other’s throats, forgetting that a problem in the relationship is them two versus the issue and not them vs. each other. Fighting with their s.o scared them.

Jason would fall asleep in her arms, slowly drifting away into unconsciousness. But he would exhibit the same behaviors as before. The fear in his face was palpable.

But Y/N was asleep this time, so when Jason woke, trying to scream, he slapped his hand over his mouth and cried, he didn’t want to wake her, but he also craved just telling her what had happened and how sleeping was so, so much harder for him than she thought.

People thought the nightmares had slowed, but he just got good at hiding them.

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miraclekittyandbug · 4 years ago

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Ten Questions With a Twist Chapter 6

I. Cannot. TELL you how sorry I am for the delay. It has been a crazy couple of days, but I’m about to post the two final chapters of Ten Questions With A Twist!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

~ Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ Chapter 4 ~ Chapter 5 ~ This Chapter ~ Chapter 7 ~

“Hey, Marinette!” Adrien called, waving frantically at the bluenette. Classes had just ended and he wanted to be sure to catch her before she left in a hurry.

Marinette turned and saw Adrien there, red in the face. “Hey Adrien. Are you okay? Did you just… run to find me?”

“Umm… How many more of those questions do you have?” Adrien deliberately didn’t answer the question, for fear of seeming like the desperate mess he had turned into. “You know, from that Black Cat guy?”

A light of comprehension shone behind her eyes, “Oh, those. Just a few. I’m really sorry if they were too invasive or anything. I can always tell him it was a bad idea.”

“No! Actually, I think it’s kind of a fun idea. I’d like to answer the rest of them for you.”

“Oh! That would be great!” She put her backpack on the ground and started digging through it to find the list, a formality at this point, as she had already memorized the questions.

“Why don’t we hang out for a bit? We could go back to your place and answer these questions. Maybe play some Mecha Strike? That good luck charm you gave me might even help me beat you.” Adrien wiggled his eyebrows and Marinette blushed, but laughed.

“I’m not sure it’s that lucky, but it sounds like fun.” Her eyes widened, “Actually, could you give me just a little bit of time to clean up my room first? It’s in a pretty embarrassing state right now. Meet me at the bakery in twenty minutes?”

“Sounds good P- pal.” Adrien caught himself. He was about to call her Princess, but that would give him away. He had a challenge to win, after all.

It took about fifteen minutes to convince the Gorilla to cover for him, not too difficult to do considering he was supposed to take Adrien to his Chinese lessons directly after school. Adrien simply reminded the Gorilla that a conversation in Chinese with Mrs. Dupain-Cheng was a very practical application of the information he already knew so well. They agreed that he would pick him up from the Dupain-Cheng bakery in about two hours.

Adrien made his way, slowly, to the bakery.

The bakery, being right across the street from the school, and having such delicious treats, was very busy. Adrien waited dutifully in line and when he got to the counter, Sabine greeted him warmly. He responded in Chinese, explaining that the only way he had talked his bodyguard into letting him come was to promise to practice his Chinese. Sabine smiled and ushered him to the back. She pointed him to the staircase and told him, in Chinese, to follow it until he reached Marinette’s room, and that there would be snacks up there for the both of them.

Now, at this point, Adrien knew for a fact he was in love with this girl. But if there had been even a sliver of doubt in his mind, it all evaporated when he lifted the hatch to Marinette’s room.

She must have done a wonderful job cleaning, because apart from some half-finished sewing on a desk and a few balls of yarn on her bed, Marinette’s room was spotless. But that wasn’t what caught his eye. Leaning over her computer, attempting to plug in the game console, Marinette was humming contentedly with a cookie in her mouth. The picture of it all was so endearing, Adrien hated to alert her to his presence. However, he thought it might be creepy if she were to turn around and find him staring, so he cleared his throat.

Marinette made a noise that could only be described as a squeak, and bit down on the cookie, causing a portion of it to fall to the floor. “Adrien! I didn’t see you there! Come on in, I’ve got snacks!”

He climbed the final steps into her room and reached for a cookie, “Don’t mind if I do.”

Once Marinette had plugged in the console correctly and booted up the game, they chose their players and began. It didn’t take long for Marinette to secure a lead, so Adrien thought a distraction was in order.

“So what about those questions?”

Marinette was silent for a moment before speaking, “I know you’re just trying to distract me. But to prove a point, I will ask these questions AND win this round at the same time. Just watch.”

“Jeez, B- Marinette, that’s pretty harsh,” he said, playfully. He was learning that it would be very difficult to refrain from calling her by her nicknames. “Won’t you go easy on me? Please?” Adrien made puppy dog eyes at the screen, leaning forward so that she would hopefully catch a glimpse of his pouty lips and fast blinking eyes. Not two minutes later, he flung himself back into his seat, having been defeated.

Marinette placed her controller onto the desk in front of them, flashing him a sympathetic look. “And I wasn’t even distracted with those questions.”

“Alright,” Adrien relented, “What are they?”

“Okay, well, the question that seemed to make you sick might not be a good one to start off with…”

Adrien remembered his odd behavior earlier, and how stupid he had been to not see it sooner. “No, really, I’m fine. Shoot!”

“Okay, what’s your dream job?”

Adrien pretended to think, as if this question were a surprise to him, “I’d like to be a stay at home dad one day.”

“That’s so sweet! I’d like to be a designer one day. Have my own fashion line, company, that kind of thing. What’s your favorite movie?”

“The Princess Bride.”

“Isn’t that a bit of a chick flick?”

“There’s sword fighting and pirates and impossible odds! And anyway, what’s wrong with chick flicks?”

Marinette quickly defended herself, “There’s nothing wrong with chick flicks, I guess I pegged you as more of a studio Ghibli guy.”

Goodness, it had been a year or two since his last binge of those movies, “Oh, studio Ghibli is amazing! But still, there’s nothing like Wesley rolling down a hill screaming ‘As you wish’ only for Buttercup to fling herself down with him.”

Marinette started giggling, “I totally forgot about that part! Oh, I’ll have to rewatch that movie sometime soon. Favorite dessert?”

“Easy, the macarons from your parents bakery.”

“Really?” Marinette responded, “I’m flattered! What flavor?”

“That passionfruit one is my all time favorite, but that’s only seasonal. I really like any of the fruit ones.”

“Good to know! The other questions are pretty basic. What’s your name?”

Adrien put on a face and spoke in an accent, “My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.”

Marinette laughed and Adrien decided it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.

“What school do you go to?”

“Hogwarts.”

She rolled her eyes, “No, seriously.”

Adrien looked at her, eyes calculating, “Is there a reason you want this guy to know all the answers?”

“No!” she crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair, “We just have to give the guy a chance. And anything he doesn’t guess correctly, I don’t have to tell him. So it’s not like I’m giving him all your information or anything.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Adrien said, leaning forward. Marinette blushed as if she knew exactly what he meant, but he continued anyway. “You like this guy, don’t you? You want him to guess correctly so you can go on a date with him!”

“What?!” Marinette acted repulsed by this, but her blush only deepened, “No way! He’s just a friend!”

“But you want to give him a chance.”

She seemed to hold her breath, making her face even redder, but then released and deflated, placing her head in her hands with her elbows on her knees. “I don’t know. Honestly, I probably like this guy a lot, I’ve just been so caught up on… this other guy for so long. It’s so confusing.”

“Have you thought about meeting him? You know, in person?”

Marinette lifted her head and looked at the ceiling instead, “Yeah. I have. I mean, this black cat guy is my best friend. We tell each other everything. He’s the only one who knows about this big part of my life and I rely on him for so much. He’s so sweet and really understanding about me wanting to keep our real names out of it.”

Adrien winced, but Marinette didn’t notice. He felt awful. She had always been so adamant that they not know each other’s identities. But he just happened upon it! One coincidence led to another, led to some questions, led to a point where he couldn’t turn back. “So you don’t want him to know who you are?”

“Well I wouldn’t say that.” Her hand went to the back of her neck and she rubbed it anxiously. “If we somehow found out, I’d honestly be thrilled. I even went so far as to ask Master F- forum.” Marinette blanched, looking Adrien directly in the eye, “Our forum master. The guy that runs the forum that we chat on. I went so far as to ask him about meeting in real life and he just smiled. He said ‘The wheels of life are in motion, but you cannot determine the speed’. I have no idea what that means, but he’s notoriously cryptic.” Adrien was going to say something, but Marinette was on a rant, so he sat back and listened. “And it’s like, he’s wanted to know for a really long time. Ever since the beginning. But I was so cautious, I said no. I thought it would be dangerous for us and our families.”

“And you need to be careful, with strangers on the internet.”

“Exactly! Strangers on the internet. But then, almost immediately, I trusted him. Right away, we were inseparable. And now that I want to know, I don’t know what to do.”

Adrien couldn’t help the smile that plastered itself on his face. “Well, Marinette, I’m sure things will work out. And you never know! Maybe he’s a really good guesser.”

“Maybe.” She said, obviously glad to have gotten some things off her chest. “In the meantime, let’s sneak down and grab you a couple of macarons.”

~ Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ Chapter 4 ~ Chapter 5 ~ This Chapter ~ Chapter 7 ~

Next chapter should be up by the time you read this far!

#miraculous ladybug fic #miraculous fic #adrienette #ladrien #marichat #ladynoir

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poormeowmeowcollector · 4 years ago

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Under the moonlight

Relationship: Loki/Gender Neutral Reader (on college)

Warnings: straight up fluff

Summary: The quarantine has made all the days look the same. Loki knows that this day is special, and makes sure you'll know too

Notes: how can I not write a birthday fic? And post it on the day of my actual birthday (29/1)? And not seize the opportunity to rant about how online classes are killing me? Huh, how? And @lucywrites02 and I had manifested a forest date, it was too awesome to stay out of the party. It also had murder in it, but perhaps the next time.

Read On AO3

Like every day since that damned March, you wake up from this awful alarm sound and close it. You drag yourself out of the bed and into the bathroom, your brain still asleep. It needs to be bribed with coffee to start acting like a brain at this point.

You walk in the empty kitchen, you're the only one up this early, make the coffee and some cereal on a bowl and return to your bedroom.

Usually, you would try to pay attention to the professor speaking through your laptop, but today you can't find the energy. So, you end up scrolling on your phone, focused on neither of the screens.

Soon enough, your head is staying up because of your hands holding it. You sigh and check at the time, it's probably the end of the period.

And… you've gone through the first ten minutes.

That's it. You'll leave your bones in front of this laptop.

Time passes slowly and torturously, until two cold hands cover your eyes.

"Good morning too, Lokes," you force a smile. His hands retreat as they slither beside you.

"Do you mind if I sit with you, darling? With a teacher like this one, you will need someone to keep you from sleeping on your keyboard," they grin and point at the screen, the slow and low speaking of the history teacher echoing.

He's not wrong and you know it, so you nod. They pull a chair and sit on your left, eyes still on you.

"So… do you plan something for the evening?" he asks, their big eyes and smile trying to distract you from the battle between his fingers. You still take his right hand and cup it with your left.

"No, why should I?" You shrug one shoulder, staring at the God like the class doesn't exist.

"You shouldn't. I mean, you should. Eh, if you want to, of course, no forcing! I-I…" they rumble before giving up with a sigh, cheeks bright red, "just curious,"

You smile and cup his face, trying to brush the blush away with your thumb. "You know, I think that your silver tongue has caught some rust," you hum.

"Shut up," he releases his hand to softly snack yours away, failing to hide a grin.

"Just because you're pretty," you laugh. They nod, letting you pay attention to the class.

But they only do so for five minutes.

"When is this over?" he whines.

"The period ends in an hour and the day ends in three periods," You give them the Pain™ smile, he knows which one.

"By the Gods in Valhöll, how can you do that every day?" they let their neck throw the head back, the chair turning around and around.

"Half of the class is asleep and the other half is either running on coffee or has an IV with Monster. Which, by the way, sounds tempting…" you trail off the last bit.

He sighs and stays silent for the rest of the class. The silence stays until the periods are over, but you decide to dump your chair and sit on Loki's lap after some minutes on the second period. They looked quite bored and your attention needed to be elsewhere, but can you just leave him like that?

While they had zoned out, you finally checked the date. How could you forget you have your birthday?

Or, the biggest question, since Loki obviously knows about it and plans something, what is this something?

This question stays with you and lets you torment it for several hours. You talk to Wanda and Natasha and even Thor about it and no one knows a thing.

The sun is down, you have eaten the cake but it's definite that Loki hasn't gotten his plan to action. They're trying to make your curiosity go mad, you know that. And holy shit, it's working.

"Darling. I want to go for a walk. Do you mind accompanying me?" Loki asks you out of the blue.

"You know I can't get out," you sigh. You weren't much of a person that would be out 24/7, but since the quarantine, you stopped going out at all. Well, someone has to actually do social distancing.

"We won't be somewhere crowded, I promise. Please," they deploy the puppy eyes. Usually, those cheap tactics don't work on you. But you can't resist him.

"Fine. But only if we don't get close to people," you sigh.

"Fantastic! I love you so much, darling! Get some layers on, it's going to be cold," they beam and blow a fast kiss on your lips before disappearing, probably too grab your coat.

Well, it's January, of course it's cold…

You sigh and dress up with your warmest clothes (pants are hard, as usual) before meeting him in the lobby.

"We're going to teleport there, okay?" They explain. You nod, even though teleportation is not exactly your favourite. But, he has something on his mind and you gotta follow the plan for it to pan out, right?

They offer you a hand, which you gladly take. A second after, you're in the middle of a forest.

You cover yourself with your hands and gaze around. The location is far enough from any city. All the stars the clean sky has to offer are visible, the small winter moon shining above you, just a day after the full moon. You're standing on a small clearing, the nature around you without any animal but still beautiful. It's not snowing, so the grass and trees are in their full darkness, only the moon offering light in the scene.

Right in front of you, on the grass, there is a blanket spreaded. Two glasses, a bottle of wine and a cake on top of it.

"Happy birthday, my love," Loki whispers, they don't need to be loud to be heard against the silence.

You throw yourself into the tightest embrace possible, saying 'thank you's and'I love you's like they're prayers. He chuckles and cups your face, their fingers pulling away a few hair.

You let yourself gaze at how the moonlight illuminates their features, the pale skin glowing and this magical shimer dancing in their green eyes. "I believe we should blow your candles," he is still whispering. You agree and sit down on the blanket, watching as they take out the cake and make green flames of seiðr appear on the wicks.

Instead of the happy birthday song, Loki decides to sing something of Asgard. Of course you don't understand a thing and Loki's heavy accent makes it impossible to sing along, but it's the most beautiful song you've ever heard.

They end with a soft note and nod towards the cake. You don't even second guess your wish before you blow the candles.

A cool hand brings you closer to him as he cuts two generous pieces and gives you one.

A week ago, you talked to them about a nice recipe on a blue velvet cake you had found. He didn't like it at all. Yet, the cake in front of you is the blue velvet, and you are sure that Loki had baked it. They have this thing with baking and cooking, they make the thing theirs, no matter how simple.

"It's perfect. Everything is perfect!" you beam and kiss him before he has a chance of eating a second bite. They smile through the kiss and afterwards, resting their forehead on yours.

"Only the best things for my beloved," he breathes out, the air warming up your face. Their fingers take the small fork from your hand and give you a second piece of the cake.

"Eat the piece before we open wine," they instruct. You obey and consume the piece, but slow enough to enjoy it. Loki ends at the same time and steals yet another kiss from you before opening the bottle of your favourite wine.

You keep eating, drinking, kissing and stargazing for hours, smiling at each other whenever there's eye contact. You don't know how, but the wine is getting on Loki as well, making his cheeks reddish and the giggles more. They're adorable, but you love them sober or not.

The next day, you wake up on your warm bed, above a cold body that holds you close.

#loki/reader #loki marvel #loki #marvel fluff #loki fluff #one shot #fluff #birthday fluff #birthday fic #birthday #quarantine #online classes #tooth rotting fluff #fanfic #marvel fanfiction #loki fanfiction #fanfiction

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kingonafiftymetreroad · 4 years ago

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Fic Rec Post

Hey everybody! One of my secret santas asked me what my favorite fics are so I decided to make a full blown rec post just for them. These are a little all over the place so I hope you can find something that you enjoy here! ☁️✨

Please make sure to read all tags and warnings before reading a fic. And don’t forget to kudos/comment!

🌙 The Finish Line (Is A Good Place For Us To Start) by LoadedGunn 122k

Louis Tomlinson, one-time Formula 1 World Champion, is looking forward to the 2013 season. He’s got Zayn in his garage and Liam in his ear, he’s got Cowell Racing backing him despite former indiscretions, he’s got experience and the best race car out there. Not to mention he’s the only racer they have, after Oliver dropped out late last year.

It hasn’t occurred to him that Oliver would have to be replaced by February. That is, until he finds himself at a party celebrating Harry Styles leaving Ferrari for Cowell. Harry hotshot Styles, who broke a record last year and is probably looking to make a big splash. Harry Styles, who is talented and somewhat intimidating. Harry Styles, who left Ferrari for reasons unknown and seems kind of lonely and harmless in person. Lonely, harmless, hot as fuck. Whatever.

The first thing Louis does is take him under his wing. From there it’s nine months of slow-burning romance, the past catching up to them, turning into the human puppy pile that is OT5 and a lot of feelings until, of course, reaching the finish line.

🌙 a promise lives within you now by sarcasticfluentry 46k

A Lord of the Rings-inspired Middle Earth AU. Louis is an Elven prince, next in line to become King of Mirkwood, and Harry is the orphaned Human boy who grows up alongside him. They fall in love, but Louis’s obligations to the throne, Harry’s mortality, and impending war threaten to tear them apart.

🌙 if you're for real and not pretend by brownheadedstranger 21k

In which Harry works in a bakery and Louis can't seem to find what he's looking for.

🌙 Into The Blue by zarah5 117k (story is locked, ao3 account required to read)

AU. In which Louis is Harry's scuba instructor and quite happy to provide the requested special treatment, pun fully intended. It can't be all that difficult to convince Harry that they're on the same page, right? Also, Niall and Liam may or may not be dating, and Zayn is surrounded by emotionally stunted idiots. He bears it with dignity.

🌙 Don't Unplug Me Or Shut Me Down by slashter 7k

Louis scowls. "He's a photography student. He works with gorgeous models and probably breaks hearts with his smile. I'm a nerd. I earn my money fixing broken crap, and for some stupid reason, I like it. He wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, he's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers, et cetera, et cetera." Louis sighs. "I swear, the coolest thing I've ever done is wear contacts."

Basically, Louis is a self-proclaimed nerd who fixes things and Harry seems too perfect to keep breaking as many things as he does.

🌙 You Are The Blood by sarcasticfluentry 175k

A seventh-year Hogwarts AU in which Niall gets all the girls, Liam goes on a journey of self-discovery, Zayn falls in love, Harry wants something more, and Louis tries to figure out once and for all why he, a Muggleborn, was sorted into Slytherin.

🌙 this must be what all the fuss is about by youcomecrash 3k

"You're sweaty," he mumbles matter-of-factly. Louis opens his eyes and raises his head from between his arms. Harry's just staring up at him with a lazy expression and Louis kind of wants to kiss him to sleep. "That's because it's a hundred degrees in here, babe."

🌙 I Fell From the Sky For You (Like a Shooting Star) [by louserz] by waddupjordan (orphan_account) 8k (This was originally posted on tumblr by @louserz and this person had permission to post it on ao3 for the author. if the original author sees this and wants me to take this off of my rec post please DM me and I will. This fic displays elements of depression and homelessness although it is not tagged that way so please take caution in reading this. I don’t want to accidentally trigger anybody.<3)

Harry owns a bookstore, Louis is homeless, and apparently even shooting stars fall in love.

🌙 Sail Across Me by iwillpaintasongforlou 21k

Harry is a prince that is about to be forced into marriage against his will and running away to sea seems like a much better option. Louis is the captain of the infamous pirate ship The Rogue and he has a thing for helping defenseless creatures. Especially when they're as pretty as this one.

🌙 but maybe im just in love when you wake me up by theonewiththelarrystories 6k

lazy morning sex, prompted by Asher: "like a whole sleepy sunday morning vibe of waking up together and then louis pulling a sleepy harry into a warm bath and louis washing harry all over. a bit of body!worship, louis gently working conditioner into harrys curls and him practically purring. Then louis taking it slow with kisses on harrys neck and gentle touches and then fingering harry until hes whining with his head thrown back against louis’ shoulder little needy noises coming from his perfect fucking lips. and then harrys boneless and content while louis leads him back to their bed and spreads him out face down and rims the fuck out of him until hes screaming and then he fucks him gently and then they cuddle on the couch and harry wears louis’ white sweater and louis calls him ‘sweetheart.’"

🌙 strawberry milk fic by Wankerville 158k (3 parts)

This is a 3 part story. The 1st part was originally written alone and then the author added the rest. You can just read the 1st part (19k), and you’ll still be satisfied without feeling added pressured to read the whole thing. Please read all the tags and warnings for each fic beforehand!

🌙 and we live like legends now by soleilouis 16k girl!direction

harry works at a juice bar, and louis is the cute girl that skates at the park right next door.

🌙 Through Eerie Chaos by MediaWhore 102k (story is locked, ao3 account required to read) @mediawhorefics

For as long as anyone can remember, Old Hillsbridge Manor has always been believed to be haunted. Everyone in the village agrees and keeps a respectful, fearful, distance. New in town after a bad breakup and an internship that led to disappointment rather than a permanent job, Harry Styles figures taking pictures of the decrepit building could be a great new creative project. Or at least a much-needed distraction while he searches for a job and crashes at his parents’ new house. No one warned him about the apparitions though; about the music, the laughter, the people who flicker and vanish when you call after them, the echoes of a past that should be long gone… Harry has never believed in spirits but even he can admit that there’s something weird going on. What starts as mere curiosity evolves into a full-blown investigation and soon enough, Harry finds himself making friends with an aristocrat from the 1920s and struggling with finding the best way to tell him that he’s dead.

The Ghost Hunter AU where Niall lives to prove ghosts are real, Zayn is a skeptical librarian and Harry gets caught up in a century-old mystery and catches feeling in the process.

🌙 jump in the deep end by istajmaal 5k

Louis’s stomach lurches as he closes the last bit of distance, Harry’s nose settling between his arse cheeks and pushing them apart. Harry’s lips brush against the puckered skin around Louis’s hole in a kiss and Louis lets out a whine so high-pitched he barely recognizes it as coming from himself—what if I'm not clean enough, what if Harry hates it, what if Harry pushes me away—but then Harry’s long, wet tongue swoops in a circle around Louis’s rim and Louis feels like all the breath is knocked out of him. He grabs for Harry’s hand, still digging into his thigh, and squeezes over it, until Harry releases his vice grip on Louis’s thigh and laces his fingers through Louis’s.

or, Louis's arse is a sensitive subject, so Harry approaches it gently. With his tongue.

🌙 the wheel breaks the butterfly by embodied 4k girl!direction @aliensingucci

“Out with it, Styles,” Louis groans. Harry’s suddenly regretting this whole thing, and she’s sure she’s beet red now, so she just blurts it out so fast she’s not sure if Louis even understands her right away.

“I’ve never gotten head before.”

AU. harry and louis are roommates. girls' night ends a little differently than usual.

🌙 you flower, you feast by stylinsoncity 18k

He's King of the Underworld, but don't assume Louis has it all. He could stand for some excitement in his monotonous, eternal life and maybe, even.....a soulmate.

(Despite not having a soul.)

And along came "Harry".

🌙 you change, water sea by got2ghost 4k girl!direction (ziam with side larry)

“Zayn wants me to teach her how to make a girl squirt,” Louis says, like it’s the most casual thing in the world. Liam chokes on the water she’d been swigging from her thermos, which makes Louis throw her head back and laugh. Zayn’s brows pinch together and she pats Liam gently on the shoulder, muttering, ‘you okay babes?’

🌙 The Case Of The (Definitely Not Haunted) Styles Mansion by BriaMaria 40k

“So there’s a sense of humor buried beneath all that condescension, huh?” Louis said when he’d stopped laughing.

“It’s not condescension, it’s intelligence. I understand you might not be able to recognize it yourself,” Marcel said, then slapped a hand over his mouth. “Oh god, I’m sorry.”

Louis stepped closer, his eyes on Marcel’s face. “For being an asshat?”

“For being rude,” Marcel said, from beneath his palm.

Louis shifted a half-step closer until he was at the very edge of Marcel’s personal space. It felt like he was nudging at it, asking to be let in. Marcel flushed hot for no reason.

“Lucky for you it takes quite a lot to actually insult me,” Louis said taking one step closer. Too close. Too close.

Marcel met Louis’ eyes. Those blue eyes that reminded Marcel of poetry instead of science, lyrics instead of formulas. They were so pretty he wanted to drown in them.

---

Or the Nancy Drew AU where Marcel is a man of logic, Louis is a private detective who believes in ghosts, and the Styles Mansion is definitely, absolutely, positively *not* haunted.

🌙 You are the Lyrics by TheIfInLife 4k @larryficwriter

or, Harry wears lingerie for the first time and Louis definitely approves.

🌙 Wild at Heart Ain't Hard to Find by QuickedWeen 11k girl!direction @becomeawendybird

Louis and her best friends Niall and Liam always take an annual vacation together. This year Niall has picked Redwater Canyon, a small tourist town where everyone lives like it's the Old West. There are saloons, stagecoaches, and limited access to WiFi.

The town boasts tours, excursions, activities, and the hottest woman Louis has ever seen in the form of the local blacksmith.

🌙 Withdrawal Was the Weeping by QuickedWeen 11k girl!direction

Confined by life and society, Harry spends her Sunday afternoons walking aimlessly about the countryside as it's her only source of freedom. One Sunday she is aided by the most beautiful woman she has ever met, but not everything is as it seems. Was it a trick of the light? Was it Harry's own active imagination? There is nothing to do but try to find her again.

🌙 i must admit i thought i'd like to make you mine by disgruntledkittenface 50k @disgruntledkittenface

Louis fell apart when her ex broke up with her and moved across the country. Just as she’s starting to move on, Zayn comes back to town for their mutual friends’ wedding – with a new girlfriend as her plus one.

Blindsided and scrambling to save face, Louis lets herself get talked into a fake relationship with her new friend Harry. Their arrangement makes Louis feel pathetic and embarrassed, but it’s only going to last a few weeks. She just has to get through the wedding – what could happen?

🌙 tempted by the fruit of another by disgruntledkittenface 3k (zayn/louis/harry)

Zayn didn’t mean to look. And she certainly didn’t mean to watch.

It’s just that Louis and Harry are the worst hosts in the world; they’re in their bedroom, clearly fucking (again), and so loud that Zayn can’t concentrate on her game of Among Us in the living room. Liam has killed her twice. Liam. So she just went down the hallway to make sure their bedroom door was at least closed.

It wasn’t.

Zayn stumbles into a world of possibility when she stays with Harry and Louis for a few weeks.

🌙 I have more favorite fics but they are not included here due to them being deleted from ao3. They’re saved in PDF form both on my laptop and my phone (I go back and read them all the time) so if you’re interested in those you’re welcome to reach out to me and ask privately and I’ll share what I can.

This turned out a lot longer than I had expected. If you read through the whole thing thank you! ✨

#☁️✨#fic rec #masterpost #long post #fic rec masterpost #ls #fav #i plan on adding more fics as i read them too #hope ur able to find something to read ss!#if ur looking for more specific types of fics lmk and ill see what i got :)#fic #larry stylinson #my post #my recs

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taekooktimeline · 4 years ago

Note

1/2 I’m so glad you’re answering asks again! I really value your opinion when it comes to taekook. I’ve noticed many of the recent asks seem a little skeptical, which I don’t understand. I just keep thinking back to the 2020 Grammys. It wasn’t an accident that they wore matching outfits to such a huge event, posed as a couple on the red carpet when the other members started to move ahead, wore rings on their left hands, etc. Is it just me or was this a really big deal?

Kayla: well said anon and I totally agree 😭honestly by the end of the week after episode 6 of IST released, I was so drained and angry at how people were reacting. I don’t know why people fixated on it over all the other events leading up to that, other than I truly feel people actively seek negativity when it comes to TK. So many people, even after I break down my stance on BV4, tattoo girl and 2019 overall, still refuse to see how TK acted around all of that. I don’t mind if people disagree but how do you see all the events surrounding that month break, and clearly see no underlying tension or drama, yet find an issue? I don’t get it.

Part of me thinks there’s a few issues here, one of which is some people have short term memory in this fandom. Grammys 2020 was AMAZING and I’m with you - it was bold, loud and a statement. Jk broke the lineup to stand by Tae. They wore rings on their left ring finger while wearing similar matching outfits. They were affectionate to the point non listeners asked if they were dating. That said everything about who Tae and Jk are to each other. It was, in my mind, very intentional of them, at a very large scale, international event which they knew a lot of people would view. But that was January and IST came in Sept so people focus on that. They take it as “real time” and forget what came before. Time moves forward, but they tend to void out sweet moments for the content that is out “today”.

It also doesn’t help that this show was marketed as a relaxed vacation for BTS, a natural setting. People took this conversation at face value without factoring this is a closeted couple who were - generally but not always - restricted in official content leading up to this and the new contracts taking effect. And some didn’t bother questioning how odd it was this deep talk took place on camera, nor the fact we didn’t learn anything new. In reality, this moment was sweet. Tae was clearly nervous but excited. Jimin, their loving, best friend, played along with Tae in acting a skit to get Jk to the tent. They had a very sweet talk with Jk reminiscing about old times. Unfortunately I’ve noticed people have a tendency to focus on the bad and think it defines an entire relationship. They took the negative subtext, which Jk didn’t say, and took his comment “a SIDE” became awkward and ran with it. They didn’t use critical thinking to really consider setting - a public televised moment - or the fact this is a closeted couple, or that Tae had hard times that probably did impact his moods and how those around him reacted.

As for the “focusing on” I think this is something that is always going to be prevalent with taekook until they say something concrete because every single time Jungkook and Tae do something there are a million people standing behind them with all these excuses of “oh tae does this with everyone” “jungkook hates tae” “tae doesn’t like jungkook” “jungkook touches/stares at everyone too” “you’re making them uncomfortable” etc. I think people just want to focus on the negative because they either can’t or choose not believe at the very basic nature of this entire pairing that Tae and Jungkook are friends (for whatever reason, and I’m not talking about the people who don’t like ‘shipping’ but are fine with others doing what they want, I’m talking about those who actively attack people who are peacefully just reposting moments or enjoying themselves on a FREE platform and not spreading any actual malice). Honestly, in my opinion this is no longer even a couple thing, people can’t stand the idea of Tae and Jungkook even being friends. When that rumour came out that Tae and Jungkook went shopping, not only did someone feel the urge to create a false rumour to show how quickly ‘taekookers believe lies’ but also there were like 10001 people coming into the comments to discredit this woman... I mean for what? Are the members not allowed to go shopping with each other anymore? I fail to see the big deal with this.

At the heart of this matter is that people in this fandom are okay with all the members just being FRIENDS but not taekook. Regardless of whether they see romantic connotations in their actions, people can’t seem to even fathom the possibility that two individuals that have been in a group for 7 years, who became friends during debut and were considered the closest—would even be friends today. That’s actually what’s the saddest and most transparent issue within this fandom. Now people can say what they like but I’ve seen tons of experiments and things that have shown this issue to be fairly black and white. As for the SOOP conversation from episode 6, i think Jk made it pretty clear at the GDA 2021 what he meant—I saw that as a clear statement to how he sees Tae and what Tae means to him—I saw people who were dissecting his words and pulling up naver dictionary which is a whole other issue but the fact of the matter is they directly engaged with that episode “Taehyung hyung and I have been friends since debut, we were very close” “what are we not close anymore” *laughs* “no that’s not what i meant, since then you’ve become even more reliable and dependable, so keep working hard and stay healthy lets do something together soon with everyone when it's safer” [I can’t remember if he said everyone, e.g. 여러분 or a variation, I’d have to rewatch it]. Taehyung point blank asked him “what? are we not close anymore?” and Jk said no and reaffirmed they have always been close, despite what people tried to say after Ep 6.

I just find it interesting how everyone was so quick to take Jk for his word and tell us to “stop twisting his words” during that entire SOOP ordeal, yet when Jungkook makes a statement like this at the GDA people are so fast to start going “oh he said gentleman, that means they don’t really like each other and he’s being nice” “did he hesitate? I feel like he hesitated?” “Jungkook looks like he doesn’t want to be there” “taehyung didn’t even pay attention to his message, he asked him about his hair”.

I think that really says it all about how people treat taekook.

I also want to make a point on where some of the hate derives from. My personal opinion is that the hate or friend narrative is largely driven by Bh. They were the ones who separated them starting in 2017 , which gave fans all the freedom to fill in the blanks as to what happened. Being two of the most popular members of the biggest band in the world, this allowed fans who largely ignore ships to see them as rivals even. In official content, there was never any chance that Bh let them think differently. Don’t even get me started on BH because after episode 6 I really stepped back and evaluated how much BH supports. And I’m really confused by the company right now.

I hope I’ve answered this thoroughly and my apologies it’s so long! Ultimately I think there’s a lot of factors at play: BH separating TK in official content a lot of times in the old contract let people create stories; a lot in this fandom seems to actively look for drama or negativity with TK; people take official content as real time events; they don’t factor in IST being televised, how we didn’t learn anything substantive or new, and twisted words to suit a story; short term memory (Grammys was Jan, IST was Sept).

Finally, thanks for being patient with asks. That’s so sweet to read you’re happy I’m answering them again🥰 There's close to 110 in the inbox 😭I’m going to try my best to answer a couple a week at the least. But the inbox does get me anxious, and it can be draining with the negative asks. Between work, my personal life and the timeline itself, which take priority, I’ll do my best but I appreciate the understanding it takes time to get to questions, and it doesn’t help I’m very nervous people can misconstrue what I say, so I take a while to draft thoughts.

Sara’s General Disclaimer: I may select some asks, think about them and answer in the future through either Tumblr, Twitter or YouTube. Kayla will take over the discussion section as she enjoys active debates and will make the time for it, but I still read them all. Be nice to each other 💜 As it’s natural, I may or may not differ with Kayla’s take/ words.

#taekooktimeline #asks #discussions

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gb-patch · 4 years ago

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Ask Answers (February 22nd, 2021)

Hello! Here’s another collection of anon ask answers all put together in one big post.

This might be strange considering how upbeat yall are about the fandoms for your games in general, but is there any particular trope or ship you WOULDN'T want us writing/drawing/etc. in relation to your stuff? (IE, any canon you don't want us 'overwriting' or something like that?)

Of course we would want the fan content people make to not be racist, sexist, homophobic, bigoted, harmful, etc. But in terms of generally doing non-canon pairings or adding in headcanons or stuff, we really don’t mind that. People are welcome to have fun and explore their own ideas.

for the 1.2 Android update was it meant to download as a separate app? I really want to keep my previous save files but they don't show up (also thank u for the updates I'm really excited to get back into the game!!)

We had to change the name of the file and unfortunately for some phones that meant it’s treated as a brand new game. I’m sorry your saves didn’t transfer over to the new version. You can try to look up your specific phone and see if there’s a way to access save files for games on your device and then transfer those saves over to the new build manually. It may or may not be possible.

I'm having some trouble figuring out how to get the update from Itichio without losing my save files? Is it the same game or a folder I can put in the properties? Sorry if this question is not worded well or if this isn't the avenue you'd want to take technical questions on

Are you using Android? If so, the above answer may apply to you. If you’re on PC or Mac, the save files will automatically still be included.

Hey. I really loved playing our life. It was a fun experience and I never thought I would like it this much. I do have a question, I am currently replaying the game and I am choosing choices I never chose at first. In step 2 during the road trip arc, I decided to ask Cove about what he liked to see on people. One of his response was anklets and black eyes. My MC have just happens to have black eyes. Do Cove say black eyes cuz my mc have it or it was just a coincidently programmed into the game?

He uses your eye color intentionally! If you changed your eye color he’d change what he said.

Will step 4 have 10 moments like steps 1-3?

Step 4 is only an epilogue. It plays like the openings/endings of the earlier Steps where it’s a bunch of scenes all in a row, there aren’t any individual Moments.

hi! who was/were the artist(s) for our life?

who is the artist for Our Life: Beginning and Always?

Main Sprite and CG Artist: Addrossi

Main Background Artist: Vui Huynh

Main Interface Artist: Winter Slice

Other artists who helped out can be seen in the credits of the game.

In the new ol, there are two main love interests... Would it be possible to pair them together or is that weird?

You can’t stay single and pair them together. If we are going to add all the extra content to have a route where the two LIs get together, it’d be a full poly route where them and the MC were all dating. And that’s not a for sure option yet because it’d add a lot of extra complications. But either way, in OL the relationships all gotta be about the MC, haha.

In OL2, there will be extra LIs in form of DLCs? Like Dexter and Baxter.

Maybe! We’ll see how it goes.

Since Cove will have 2 diff body types in s4, will the storyline and dialogs reflect this? Or all of it will be the same? Btw love the game and sorry for bad english. Hope this doesn't sound rude 😅

Some descriptions and pieces of dialog will change, but it won’t impact the story really. And you don’t need to apologize! It’s all good.

Will you ever release the transparent sprites of the Our Life characters?

Probably not, I’m afraid. They’ve got a lot of pieces and it’d just be kind of hard to deal with, aha.

Something I was curious about, what was your inspiration for making a game with so much customization?

Initially, the idea was just about having a romance where you actually grew up with the LI. But it was pretty stressful to try deciding how fast the relationship would progress with it taking place over such a long period of time and with no real storyline carrying it. People might not wanna play a game where the characters don’t get along as kids, but other people might not bother with a game where kids immediately liked each other. So the obvious answer came, just let the player pick themselves how it goes. From there we simply continued to add more flexibly with the MC due to the same thought process of wanting to make sure people were onboard with how their life was going.

What made you decide to change the artstyle for ol 2 so much? I of course respect all your decisions and will buy the shit out of everything related to ol 2, but i love the original style and i m honestly not a fan of the styles shown on patreon, despite me liking the painterly style in general. (I don t mind the style being changed, just that the examples shown so far all feel like there s something wrong with them.)

We’ve always used different art styles for each of our projects. They all have distinct looks from each other. It’s just nice to do something new. I’m glad you really like how the first game looks, though. And those samples were only general concepts, rather than the exact options being decided between. We wanted to see reactions to different options. The art style we’re going with won’t be exactly like those, though I personally like all of them. I think players are gonna enjoy the style Our Life: Now & Forever when it’s revealed.

Hey! Is it ok to ask what gender ourlife2 protagonist will be and if we'll be given the same opportunity to customize an MC? Totally understand if you're keeping this under wraps for now if u don't wanna say!

OL2 will have the same type of MC customization as OL1, but even more refined! So their gender will be up to you.

Hi! I happened upon Our Life on Steam by pure chance. It is such a great game, I am super excited about the DLC, and I just want you all to know that you are awesome! :D I have a question, and I'm sorry if it's been asked before. Do you have plans of making more games similar to Our Life, with customizable player character? The customizable player character was probably the one thing I personally have been desperate for in romance VNs. So glad there finally is one and would love to see more.

Thank you! And yep, we do have plans for more games like Our Life, most notably is another game in the franchise- Our Life: Now & Forever. We’ll also likely have other, non-OL, games with customizable MCs, though we may still have some games with set MCs in the future as well.

On the patreon dlc just curious but is it possible to play it without actually sleeping together/getting the nsfw content? I just want to spend more time with Cove

Yeah, you can still choose not to go that far. Though the event is shorter if you pass on the 18+ stuff.

At the beginning of Step 2, did Cove end up accidentally falling asleep in your bed? Or did he fall asleep on the floor?

He fell asleep sitting on the floor with his body/head leaning against the side of the bed.

This may seem like a weird question, but what exactly is the difference between "direct" and "relaxed" on the comfort scale?

Direct is blunter and more teasing, relaxed is lighthearted and goes with the flow.

can the MC have tattoos in step 3?

Not in Step 3, but you can in Step 4.

how would Cove react if he visited somewhere like North Carolina in winter where it can get in the 20s(F) at night sometimes?

He would be shocked and unprepared for what serious coldness is really like, haha. The poor beach baby would wanna go home.

Hello! I just joined the PATREON!! It’s amazing! I love your games! I have a question, approximately how much after will the nsfw be out? After or before the dlc 3 and step four? Sorry my English isn’t the best!❤️❤️❤️

Thanks so much! The NSFW DLC will be out after the Step 3 DLC but before Step 4. And you don’t need to apologize for that ^^.

This might be obvious but, will step 4 have dlcs? Also, where will the nsfw dlc happen? Won't bother me at all if it s in in our or his house but i do think it d be moderately funny

Step 4 will have the Cove Wedding DLC and the Derek and Baxter romance DLCs each add a lot of new content to Step 4, though they’re also partially set in Step 2 and Step 3 respectively. The NSFW DLC happens in Cove’s room.

I keep wondering what would've happened if Mr. Holden met Lizzie first instead of the MC. I can't see that turning out well somehow lol.

It wouldn’t have made a difference. He met the MC’s parents first and they told him about their two kids. He wanted the MC specifically to be Cove’s friend because the two were the same age.

Even though we have a way to go I'm really excited for OL 2! I was curious though, is the next main character going to be adopted again? I thought it was really clever to make the first main character adopted so when players are customizing, they can make them look how ever they like without worrying about pesky genetics. Just wondering!

The OL2 MC is not adopted. We wanted to go for a new dynamic. Instead their parents are their biological single mother who is partially customizable and an off-screen sperm donor father. So the mom will look generally like the MC and any other traits not from her can be assumed to come from whoever the father was.

—– —– —–

Thank you so much for all the asks ^^

FAQ If you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

#our life #Our Life Beginnings & Always #ourlifeba #ask #gb patch #gb patch games #Our Life: Now & Forever

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1240

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? I can’t make any dish. I wonder when I’ll get my ass up and start learning...

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? I wouldn’t dare; I have no skills in that department at all.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? Angela and Hans came over so we can watch Sowoozoo.

How many long term relationships have you been in? One.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? My default is lights out, but sometimes I’ll fall asleep with my night lamp still on and that’s fine too.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? I don’t really do forgiving.

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? No. I’ve tried listening to her songs but I find them too slow for my liking.

Do you know your blood type? It’s O but I keep forgetting what specific type.

Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes.

Have you got your period at the moment? It’s on its last few days.

Have you ever been pregnant? Nopes.

How old were you when you first went on a plane? I was around 10 or 11, can’t remember exactly. But it was in 2009 and we headed to Boracay.

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? No. OMG, adult activity I don’t quite understand just yet hfdhfkdjfhdf.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yeah they’re both grumbling right now just outside of my room because the power went out lmfao.

When was the last time you went apple picking? I’ve never done this. Apples don’t grow here.

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? My pay for the last two weeks haha, but that’s not coming until Friday.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work? No, I wouldn’t dare. I’m pretty unpredictable when I get drunk, so I’d rather stay safe haha. I’ve worked while tipsy, but it had been outside of work hours.

How many bedrooms are in your house? 4. One for each kid, then my parents’.

Are you smart about computers? Nah.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? We didn’t have the game on our Wii, but I’ve played Just Dance before, just at other peoples’ houses.

Do you own a Xbox 360? We were a Playstation household.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? Erm, sure, whatever.

So, do you need a nap? I think I should be taking one for the sake of my health, but I won’t.

What would you rather be doing? I stumbled upon a Facebook post of this newly-opened store in Greenhills that exclusively sells photocards and I wanna head the fuck over there rn with Angela. That store concept is practically unheard of so it’s a big deal and I wanna go there as I’m 100% sure the BTS ones would sell out pretty fast. But they heightened the stupid COVID protocols yet again and we have to stay at home, so there’s that.

What sport are you the best at? Table tennis.

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah but she’s turning 21 this year, so little wouldn’t be accurate anymore. We call her Nina at home but everyone else calls her by her full first name, Janina.

Do you complain a lot? I do complain a lot but I also do the thing that is causing the complaint right after so I can shut myself up lmao.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? Both sound fun but I’ll probably take the temple. Yay for learning something new about culture!!

Do you like fruity or minty gum? I don’t mind flavor when it comes to gum because they fade out anyway.

Are you looking forward to any day of this month? My company set another mental health break day this upcoming August 27th, so I’ll be thinking about that day throughout the month.

Have you ever gotten detention? We don’t have detention.

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? Sure.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? The latter. < Same. I can be brand-conscious sometimes, but generally if I find something cute, regardless from where I found it, I’d grab it.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? Technically yeah. It was a single album.

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I already have two of them.

Ever cried so much you threw up? Possibly.

Who is your best guy friend? Hans.

What do you two do when you hang out? We usually eat out and have a drink or two.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? Spotlight, just because it looked boring at first glance. It turned out to be very riveting and the screenplay was fascinating as well.

Do you even like horror movies? Yes, but they’re best watched with other people.

Do you live in the country? Nopes.

What is your favorite accent? I don’t have one.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? No.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? I had the chance to try out Pepsi when we went to Taco Bell two weeks ago - it was my first time to have it and it was...actually pretty good??? The soda-hater in me was scandalized HAHAHA but it was good!!! I think I prefer Pepsi now.

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? My 21st birthday started out terribly because Gabie’s family didn’t want her to hang out with me on a Sunday (the day my birthday fell on), so we were in an argument the whole day. Angela saved the day when she planned out an impromptu dinner + arcade date for me, and that was the only good part of the day, really. I’d rather forget the rest of it.

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? I don’t think so.

Do you take a lot of pictures? I’m starting to, now.

What kind of face wash do you use? Good ol’ water.

Does drama always seem to follow you? Not these days.

Does anybody in your family race? Nope.

Are you closer to your mom or dad? Dad, I guess. But I wouldn’t particularly call myself ‘close’ with either.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” I never received money from them.

How long do you want to live with your parents? Maybe up until my mid-20s? Late-20s at the latest. I’m not exactly in the position to move out yet. The money I make at the moment would probably just be enough to cover rent, and just rent. I’d end up starving to death hahaha.

Do you have a laptop or desktop? Laptop.

Do you like your parents? Sure.

Do you secretly like someone? I don’t.

Would you ever date your best male friend? No. I also wouldn’t do that to Angela.

What are you currently listening to? Moon by Jin! Such a comfort song.

Do you want to be single? Yes.

Did you go out or stay in last night? I stayed in and was knocked out pretty early since I had been up since 1 AM.

Have you pretended to like someone? No. I don’t see why I would have to that.

How is your heart lately? Just filled with nothing but Bangtan at this point haha. It’s doing well!

Are you wearing socks? No. Socks bother me for the most part; they make my feet feel a bit suffocated.

What do people call you? Robyn.

Do you get stressed out easily? Yeah, I’m quite the overthinker.

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? No, I’ve never actually been inside an ambulance, whether it came for me or for another person.

What is wrong with you right now? I should probably cut back on the vaping, for one.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? No.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? It’s hard for me to sleep with someone else. Even when I had been in a relationship, I usually only got to fall asleep an hour or so after my partner already dozed off.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No, I cut ties at the start of the year and have been substantially better since then.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry? I honestly don’t think so. I’m the bigger crybaby between us.

Did you get any compliments today? My mom thanked me for covering for Cooper’s shots today since they ended up being quite costly.

Have you ever gone to a beach? Yes, it’s one of my absolute favorite places to be.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? Pass up on the offer.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? I’ve never had the ample time to, so no. I’ve always wanted to volunteer at an animal shelter, though.

Do you have long nails? They’re not dramatically long, but they have started to grow out.

Do you like the gender you are? I don't like or dislike it, honestly. I'm just neutral. < Same.

Do you generally look nice in photos? I think this is the case these days, yeah. I’ve started feeling more confident and I think it’s able to translate in photos.

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? No.

What colour are your father’s eyes? Dark brown.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? BTS DUH

Name three facts about your family? I come from a family of lawyers; many of us are big history buffs; and many are also fantastic cooks so I don’t know where that talent could have possibly gone when it come to my generation hah.

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? If I’ve reached a certain level of investment in the relationship, I could probably handle it.

What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received? A Punk shirt and Petals For Armor physical CD from Andi this last Christmas.

What’s your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. < Yessssss!

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? I don’t.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? Carving pumpkins sounds fun, especially since I haven’t tried it before.

Do you think you’re important? Idk. I don’t really like drawing attention to myself though, so that could probably answer your question.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Andi wrote a letter for me to accompany the aforementioned Christmas gifts they gave, and it remains to be my favorite letter I’ve received. They essentially reminded and affirmed me that I’m stronger than I think I am, and that I’ve been through a lot and have grown a lot, and that that growth is seen by people around me.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? No.

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? Just to different cities, but considering how tiny my country is, the move is quite insignificant lol.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? I’m 100% sure I don’t know how to properly hold chopsticks, but I have my own way and it works lol. Fake it til you make it.

Are you more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a follower, but I can step up in certain situations. < Same. I don’t mind leading, especially considering the control freak I can be lolol.

What was the first thing you ate today? I haven’t eaten anything today. I skipped breakfast since I brought Cooper to the vet, and by the time I got back the dining table had already been cleared. It’s fine though, I don’t feel too hungry.

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? I’d be with Angela, Reena, and Hans at that insane new photocard store I talked about earlier. IDEALLY, we’d probably pick up a photocard or two if the ones we want aren’t sold out yet (lol a rarity), then we’d have some nachos and stuff right after and just talk about all things Bangtan lol with Hans cracking us up the whole time since he is just naturally hilarious.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? Content. Happy. I feel warm and loved and surrounded by the best people.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? Learning how to cook is one.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back? Not really.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? Being in the purple ocean with my best friends.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? A part of me wishes my final face-to-face conversation with Gabie had been a more solid closure, just so we could finally put a hard stop to that chapter. But at that time I thought we would continue talking, so there had still been some stuff lingering in the air when we called it a day and parted ways. So in a sense we never really got closure when I finally cut ties, which the ESTJ in me remains to be nagged by, but I try not to be bothered by it anymore considering how much better I am doing right now. We didn’t know the future at the time, so it’s okay the way things turned out, ultimately.

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I have no clue. It’s not really a priority.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? I’m fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ Nah.

How many drugs are in your system? Just caffeine.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? Werkwerkwerkwerk.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? Nopes.

Do you call anyone baby? I don’t.

What’s your current mood? I’m prety neutral. I wish I could be out right now, but stupid Covid and stupid quarantine. But I don’t really mind staying at home, either, so. I’m just so-so.

Do you think you are a good person? I hope so.

What were you doing before filling out this survey? I watched Sunday mass with my family.

How late did you stay up last night? Around midnight.

When was the last time you cried really hard? I cried just a few days ago because period hormones, but the last time I cried hard? I’m not sure. April maybe?

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? LOL yes it’s soooooooo long already.

#survey #surveys

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cassiopee-utopia · 4 years ago

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The day I ran into you 3/3

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3: Meet me at the restaurant

(3k words)

I am so excited. I am going to have a real date with Timothée Chalamet, I just can’t believe it! But wait, am I sure this is a date? Maybe he asked me to dinner out of politeness? Or maybe he didn’t know how to finally get rid of me and he panicked?

Uhg, what am I saying, we don’t invite someone to dinner when we want to get rid of them! And we especially don’t kiss their forehead! Actually, I think I’m the one panicking… I am still in the subway on my way home and I am mentally pacing up and down.

When I finally arrive at my apartment, another issue, which appeares to me as an insurmountable problem, come to my mind. What on earth am I going to wear?!? Something stylish or something more casual? The thing is, I don’t know where we’re going, so if he brings me to a fancy restaurant and I’m wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt I will look stupid, but on the other hand, if a wear a nice dress and we’re going to a pizzeria, I will also look stupid. So I am totally lost and it’s not like I could just ask him because I haven’t any way to contact him. Then, the only solution I have is simple, wear something between chic and casual.

And as a problem never comes alone, with the time I lost freaking out in front of my wardrobe it was already 7:10pm, and with his hotel being at least 30 minutes away, it means I have only 15 minutes left to get ready to make sure to get there on time.

Obviously I can’t take a shower in this short time so I take off the clothes I have on (his clothes), I jump in a simple and cute summer wrap black dress with a V neck and a pair of black sandals with small heels. I arrange the few makeup I have on to make a more sophisticated look as fast as I can and finally make a pony tale to hide how messy my hairs are after all that stress and the sweat I got from running everywhere in my apartment.

I check myself in the mirror one last time and lock my door at 7:26pm.

When I get out of my building my phone is indicating 40 minutes to get to his hotel. I am then officially late. I could run of course, but running in summer, and actually no matter the season, equals sweating, and I can’t arrive all sweaty to my date with Timothée Chalamet! So I decide to walk, fast, really fast.

When I arrive on the platform of the subway, I see the train I was supposed to be on leaving in the dark tunnel. Of course, the next one is in 7 minutes. I am so stressed, I’ve always hated to be late, it’s a real source of anxiety, even when it’s for something not really important like meeting friends for example, so right now, knowing what’s at stake for me, I am really harassed. I guess that when he suggested to meet at 8, he didn’t take into account that unlike him, I wasn’t already on site. But it’s okay, he’s gonna wait for me, right?

When I get out of the subway it is already 8:04 and I have still some walking to do to get to the hotel, but because of the heat there I can feel the drop I have on my forehead, so I can’t run anymore, unless I want to arrive like someone who run a marathon (I’m hardly exaggerating)? So I walk calmly, trying to wipe the sweat off my head.

8:11 I’m there, in the lobby, desperately looking for him. When I see him seated on one of the couches near the bar I feel so released. He is wearing an elegant white shirt and a pair of dark blue pants. I then head towards him and when he notices me, I say with my sorriest voice:

- My god, I’m so sorry, I’m late, I’m sorry Timothée, I’m…

- Hey, hey, hey, he says softly touching my agitated arms. It’s okay. (He looks at his watch). It’s only 8:12, you’re not late. You know, I’ve got here just 5 minutes ago so relax.

- Okay, then I’m not that sorry, I smirk.

As an answer he just rolls his eyes with a soft smile.

- So, where are you taking me? I ask.

- You’ll see.

- But…

- You’ll see.

- This is not funny.

- Yes, it is! He says laughing.

I make a face to him as we are going out of the hotel. When I look back ahead of me, I see a black car parked just in front of us with a guy waiting next it. When he sees Timothée, he makes a hand gesture to him.

- This is our car? No subway anymore? I question.

- No, no subway in the evening, it’s not chic!

Timothée opens the back door and says to me with a sort of bow.

- My lady, your carriage is here.

I bow too taking his hand and say:

- Well, dear sir, I am more than delighted.

We both laugh and enter in the car.

During our drive we are both silent and are looking awkwardly at each other every now and then. But after 5 minutes he finally breaks the silence.

- So, as I’m a nice guy I’m gonna give you a clue: water.

- Water?

- Yup.

- uhm… Oh! Water like the Seine water!?

- Exactly! What a little genius!

- Yeah, yeah I know, I say smirking

- Don’t get carried away, my clue was extremely easy.

A few minutes later we finally arrive. Timothée thanks the driver and tell him he will call him back to pick us up.

The restaurant is a wonderful barge in front of the Eiffel Tower. As it is currently the longest days of the year, it’s still pretty luminous outside, so it isn’t illuminated yet.

The exterior walls of the barge are entirely in glass and there is a terrace on the roof.

The restaurant is already pretty crowded and when I see the elegance of the decoration, the furniture, the waiters and even the clients, I understand that it is kind of a luxury restaurant. In that moment I am relieved to have chosen a cute black dress but also embarrassed at the idea of the price this restaurant must cost.

A waiter installs us upstairs at one of the best places of the roof when he hears Timothée’s reservation name. He immediately gives us the menu.

Once we’re alone, I tell him:

- So you’re the kind of guy who can get a reservation in an exclusive restaurant just one hour before?

- Yeah, apparently…

- No seriously, how did you do that, this place is amazing!

- Really, you like it?

- Are you kidding? Obviously I do! I mean, just look around you, I’ve never been in such a restaurant!

- Well, I’m pleased you like it then, he says with a sincere smile.

- But you didn’t answer my question, how did you manage to have a reservation here?

- I guess I can be very persuasive, he answers smirking.

- Timothée, this is a serious question, was it because of who you are?

- Oh, not at all… When I tried to use my name to convince them to let us come, the guy on the phone said: “Who?? I don’t know any Timothée Chamanet”. So, I decided to use some of my connections.

- Timothée “Chamanet”, the guy with the good connections…

- Please don’t call me that way, he says with his hands on his face pretending he’s sad.

We laugh.

- But more seriously, why didn’t you just choose another restaurant?

- Because someone I know highly recommended it to me and I thought it was the perfect occasion!

- You mean, I’m the perfect occasion? I say a little self-conscious.

- Yes, perfect, he says putting his hand on mine.

He’s looking right into my eyes, his beautiful curls a little bit over his. He then starts brushing softly my hand with his thumb and I feel that I am blushing really strongly, so I decide to change the subject.

- So, uhm… we should order, shall we? I say quickly, removing my hand and taking the menu.

- Yes, yes, but you know, you’re really cute when you blush, you shouldn’t be embarrassed, he reply with a gentle voice.

Oh dear! In this moment the only thing I manage to do is to open the menu and hide behind it.

- Who’s hiding now? He says amused.

- This is not funny, I answer still hidden.

- Yeah, you’re right, it’s not funny when your date is hiding from you.

He delicately pushes down the menu I’m holding.

-Date? I ask quietly.

-Yes, if it’s okay with you.

As an answer I offer him my biggest smile.

- Nice! Now let’s see what we have here! He tells taking his menu.

When my eyes lean on the one still in my hands, they open wide seeing the prices.

- Oh my god, Timothée this is so much… you can’t…

He doesn’t let me finish and cut me off.

- I can.

- But…

- I can.

With the tone he uses I understand that I can’t make any protest.

After a few minutes we finally make our decisions and tell the waiter our order. I choose a sole and Timothée take a duck breast fillet.

The whole time we’re waiting for our courses we’re talking about our personal life, like why did I choose to study communications or how shooting he’s first movie was… But I am not really in the conversation as I can’t stop thinking about what he has just said. “Perfection occasion” ; “date” ; his hand on mine… or simply the fact that I just spent the whole afternoon with him and that now we’re at a restaurant. Everything is mixing up in my head and I don’t know what to think of this situation, about the after. Because, I mean, yeah what’s going to happen tomorrow? Will I ever see him again? Or is it just a kind of a one-time thing for him? And anyway, even if it wasn’t a one-time thing and he really liked me, this relationship, whatever it is, is simply not possible! I mean, I live in Paris and him in New York and he travels all around the world a big part of…

- Rachel? … Rachel!?

I suddenly go out of my thoughts.

- Um?

- Are you listening to me?

- Pff, of course I’m listening to you! I reply with an unconvincing air.

- Okay, then, what did I just said?

- … er… you, you said that… er…

- I see. What were you thinking about? Is there something wrong? He asks me with a concerned look.

- Yeah, yeah, sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts.

Luckily for me, I’m saved of this situation by the waiter who bring us our dishes.

- That looks delicious, thank you! Timothée says to the man.

And indeed, that is delicious!

- This is so beautiful!

- What? Are you falling in love with your fillet? I joke.

- Pff, no! The Eiffel Tower!

I turn my head in the direction he is looking, and I see it, the illuminated Eiffel Tower, sparkling as it is probably 9pm, and yes, even if I had been in Paris for a few months now I am still amazed by this beauty. (* the Eiffel Tower sparkles every night at the beginning of each hour for about five minutes until 1 am).

- Yeah, it’s marvelous, I didn’t even notice it was on.

When I look back at him, he is still admiring the tower that is on his side, letting appear his perfect profile accompanied by his renowned jawline. I can see the sparkles reflecting on his eyes and I am melting because of what I am seeing just in front of me.

- Yeah, it’s so so beautiful, I murmur.

We continue to talk about everything and nothing, to laugh and tease each other until the end of our respective dessert.

- Woo! I think I ate for the whole week, I can't swallow anything anymore! I exclaim.

- Come on, we both know in one hour you’ll be hungry again! He says laughing.

- No, na, nao, na… yeah okay you’re right.

We both laugh.

- But seriously, thank again Timothée that was succulent!

- You’re welcome. But you’re the one that should be thanked, because I spent a delightful evening with you, he smiles at me.

I widely smile at him too.

- So, shall we go? He asks.

- Yeah, let’s go!

- Perfect, I’m going to pay, you wait me at the exit?

- Thanks again for that.

- I said it was fine Rachel, you don’t have to thank me every two minutes!

I smile and go towards the stairs and then the exit.

I take my phone to check the time, 9:49pm. I then try to check my face with the front camera but even with the streetlights it is too dark and the quality of my iPhone 6s camera doesn’t help at all. I try to find the spot with most light, but I get interrupted by a voice behind me that makes me jump.

- What are you doing?

- Oh, you scared me Timothée!

- Sorry for that… But seriously, what were those weird movements every which way? He asks laughing

- Hey! Don’t laugh okay! I was just trying to check my face with my front camera…

- You do know there are restrooms with a mirror in the restaurant right? He says pointing a finger over his shoulder in direction of the restaurant.

- err..

- Anyway, you don’t have to worry, you look perfect.

He doesn’t let me react and directly ask me:

- What about a little walk down the quay?

- That sounds nice.

We walk close to each other, silently, under the light of the streetlamps. On our way we cross paths with a couple, a group of young people drinking beers, and even a jogger. God no matter what the time it is, there’s always joggers in this city…

All of a sudden, without any warnings he takes my hand in the most natural way possible, like if we’ve been together for months. The only thing I do at this moment is to look down and let a big smile out.

But then, my smile disappears as I rethink about what I told myself earlier. What’s next? What about tomorrow and all the other days after that? And this time, a waiter isn’t going to save me from that, no, I have to face it and ask him, so I stop and tell him, looking right into his eyes:

- Timothée, what’s next?

- What do you mean what’s next? He asks confused.

- er… you know, this, … us… I mean, what does this afternoon mean to you? I mean, you talked about a date, you now take my hand, but we both know that you don’t live here, so, I just don’t understand what you’re doing… and er… I know that I should just enjoy the wonderful time I’m having with you but now, I don’t know anymore how to act around you and how to react to what you do or say, cause I don’t know… er… what do I mean to you?

He is standing here, in front of me, still and silent, looking in my eyes. Then he gets slowly closer to me, put his right hand on my waist, which makes me froze, and next his left hand on my cheek as he is still getting closer. Our faces are now only separated by a few centimeters, and we are still looking deeply in each other’s eyes until he looks a little bit downer, at my lips I suppose, and smiles softly. My heart is beating so hard, I swear he can probably hear it. He brings his mouth to my ear and says quietly:

- This is what you mean to mean.

As soon as he ends his sentence, he attaches his lips to mine and kisses me deeply. The first three seconds I am still not able to react as the situation seems so unreal to me, but then those butterflies come and I’m starting to relax and kiss him back, placing a hand in his hairs and the other down his back. In that moment I forget everything around me, every preoccupation and doubts I have, I’m just floating in his arms.

When we pull back and end the kiss, we are both smiling like idiots looking at each other with my hands on his shoulders and his hands on my waist. I then see just behind him the most cliché thing ever, the Eiffel Tower sparkling, again, but I love it because I like that kind of romantic but cliché stuff.

- Look! I told him pointing at it.

He turns back.

- Wow, I guess this going to be a habit for us, he says smiling. And for your interrogations about what’s going to happen next, don’t worry… If I remember well, you dream to live in the US and you only have one or two years of college left, right?

- Yeah.

- And until then, I can visit you quite often as I have the money to.

- Yeah, I guess.

- See? We can figure it out. We will figure it out… Because it’s not every day we ran into love.

The End

Thanks for reading my story ^^

#timothee blurb #timothée imagine #Timothée chalamet #Timothée chalamet imagine #timothée chalamet fanfiction #first story #fanfic #short story #timothée chalamet story #timmy

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kyotakumrau · 5 years ago

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ROCK AND READ 087 - interview with Kyo - part 3/3

(part 1 here & part 2 here)

－ At the moment the latest sukekiyo's album is your 3rd work 'INFINITUM'. I think you went beyond the common musical depth and scale. There's of course progressive feeling, electronic side, songs that express the subtle femininity. It feels like some changes happened in the band as you pulled away from so many different elements.

京 That's because the members are absolutely amazing. I really think so. As I just do the things I want, when there's something I want to try doing in a different way, somehow they get what we talk about and accept it fully.

－ When you presented them with the fact that you like 80s style cheap sound do you feel they responded like away?

京 Yeah. They will take each idea to crunch it and digest, and then come back with it.

－ I don't think you give them ideas the same way for all songs, so not only presenting it directly, sometimes tossing it deliberately slowly, from the right or left (kyotaku: like pitching a baseball), do you alternate it like this?

京 Of course, it's like that both ways. I'm also sometimes surprised when suddenly a totally unexpected songs comes. Like 'oh? something like this?' But when I try I'm able to find lyrics for it. And then it easily gets shape. This is how 'dorothy' was created. I got 'we got this far, let's do it'. Takumi, who wrote this song, submitted it because he thought it'd be fun, like a challenge. All members are having fun and pitching in various directions.

－ So each member is continuing to pitch ideas that stir others up?

京 Everyone is playing catch. If I got this kind of pass, I 'll respond with one like this. Ah, something like this came in so I'll go there next. The more we play catch and the passes continue the song becomes more and more sukekiyo like.

－ At any rate the speed of your working process is very fast, but it feels so healthy.

京 I think so too. We don't have release schedule decided so each of us just works on music when we want and have spare time. That's why it's not like studying in a preparation for the exam. It's wanting to study by yourself when there ain't no exam scheduled. Same for each of us, it's free. Have fun when you want to have fun, study when you want to study. In the end the most important part is that you managed to study. Not caring about exams at all (laughing). That's why even in the middle of DIR's tour I get new songs from sukekiyo members. Even if we don't have a release date decided.

－ Usually someone would think a person is busy during a tour and avoid sending songs to them (laughing).

京 Nope, it's totally fine with me. It makes me excited. Like 'eh? Sending it now? niiice!' Don’t you think that it's actually more fun this way? Having a feeling of jumping over [obstacles]. Like because it came at such time I need to reply soon. It's the best.

－ You're really enjoying this process. There are no other so called project bands that continue their activity for so long, but for sukekiyo 6 years have passed since your formation and all members musical appetites are just getting bigger.

京 Everyone is enjoying this, really.

－ Is there anything that you don't want to lose as sukekiyo, anything that you see as your foundation?

京 It's hard to say. It's nothing that can be explained with words. But there's something like that. Something like sukekiyo's line (as in boundary or perimeter), a feeling we should stay within that space. For our foundation, it will be the songs we created and the emotions and the atmosphere we obtained from our line. That's why it's something that happens naturally. There's nothing like 'let's choose feminine themes because it's sukekiyo', nothing easy to follow like that. sukekiyo members just understand what sukekiyo's line is. It's not clearly stated but everyone just can sense it.

－ Are you talking about that with other members?

京 We all discuss the sound, but not the big picture. Although we do talk about ideas like when we have a vague shape of a song we'd say 'I have an image like that for it'. Each member will chew on what I tell them, add their own color to it, and think how can we add it to the game.

－ What you're saying is just so very band-like. Well, I do get it we're talking about a band (laughing).

京 It's very band-like, everyone has a lot of freedom. I do understand how aggravating writing music while being chased by deadlines, having a release date set, can be. I want members to have freedom as much as possible when working, I only tell them let's release it sometime this year. That's why we write songs when a good idea comes to mind when each of us has time. From the creator's perspective that's the best way. sukekiyo writes with this kind of energy. And that's why we can perform even not completed songs live. Isn't it interesting this way?

－ Already with DIR EN GREY you would often all of a sudden change the melody or lyrics during the performance. Of course you also do that with sukekiyo, suddenly using new instruments at the shows, you have this ever evolving part.

京 It's something other members also enjoy (laughing). Like 'woah! Seriously?!' What do we have to do to get this etc. When we suddenly do it at the rehearsal there are obviously some things that don't work out. There are times when we just do minimum, but overall everyone is just having fun. And as a result songs are evolving. After recording there are times when you wish you have done some songs different way, because when you play them live they will start changing. To tell the truth I'd really love to record an album after shows and finishing a tour, but that's impossible, so we try to create an environment as close to that as possible, and at the shows it's like we are playing around [with songs] in a serious way. I think that's how it can be described best with words. With DIR it's the same. From my standpoint, I'm playing around in a super serious way. It can be said I don't treat it as work.

－ And that's how concerts became the place where you unveil your creations.

京 Yes.

－ Do they already feel like the place of creative work?

京 Yeah, they do. It's not about showing fans 'we've made this new song, please listen', it's just that it's fun for us, even playing still not completed songs.

－ From my side as well there's this excitement of waiting, how will this song sound today or how will the songs I know change.

京 Of course it's easier to achieve perfection playing concerts when you have everything planned and decided and you tour without changing the setlist at all. I understand that as a professional musician but I just don't find it appealing. Everyone feels different everyday, sometimes you feel good but sometimes you don't. I want to express it openly. I always want to show my true self. If something is anamorphic each time you look at it, that’s what I find appealing. Every concert you go to will be different. Of course that's true for most of bands, but I think that having this anamorphosis each time is what sukekiyo is about.

－ This volume of RR will be released on December 25th, just a few days after that the readers will be able to enjoy your show 'Sorera wo Izonsho to Yobu' in Shibuya. It's rare that you're playing a year end show.

京 I wanted to have a year end show [with sukekiyo] for some time but couldn't because of DIR's schedule. We decide DIR's first and then plan sukekiyo around that in available time. Even the not so happy us can do it for new year, trying that.

－ But we're talking about Shibuya with a bunch of noisy people shuffling at the crossing.

京 Yet wouldn't it be interesting to have people in black gather at such place, to darken it a bit? Isn't it okay to have dark/gloomy people as well? But because the concept is 'Kaihou no Gi・Unrestricted Ceremony' fans can scream and sing at the concert, go wild, anything goes. Well, it's a new year.

－ If you toss a word like 'new year' everything will seem to be okay. A nice way to put it (laughing). So there were no rules [for the show]?

京 Yeah, that's right. I thought it would be nice to have a day like that. And because we had a day like that it's also okay to have days when fans can't move next.

－ As it's a new year show, are you planning to perform some new songs?

京 We're planning on having the show divided into two parts, one song per one part. So two new songs. We will play them even if they are not completed yet. We've mostly decided on the songs, so we will definitely do it.

－ The harmony between the band members when you are performing live is strongly reflected in the song you perform there and then, right? I think you will get a crazy reaction from the people in the audience just exploding. Is it possible that the feel of the new song will change because of this?

京 Of course. Until now fans couldn't move or make any noise, so the only chemical reaction that occurred was from band members' sound and the atmosphere. With 'Kaihou no gi' we wanted to see what would come out if we recorded that, the influence from the fans' response and participation. I think it will definitely be different.

－ You also have a tour scheduled in February next year.

京 Putting it simply we felt we're not yet done with INFINITUM, so it's like an additional tour. I don't know how many and if we will include new songs, but to finish this phase we will do this extra album tour while adding some new flavor.

－ The first day of the tour is your birthday.

京 Yeah, but I don't care. But it seems important to fans.

－ Well, I care about that. Maybe you don't feel like celebrating other people's happy events (laughing), but I'd want to celebrate it somehow.

京 Ah... I'm kind of twisted, I'm the type to think that even if this year people will celebrate my birthday they probably won't next time. I live with a concept that nothing will last forever, the difference is only if it's a long or short time. I just say 'thank you' [when people wish me 'Happy Birthday'] while I keep thinking I'll be gone in few years anyway. I just say it honestly. Everyone must be thinking the same thing. They just don't want to show such ugly side because they are mature (laughing).

－ Stop being so gloomy (laughing). In the photo shoot today you have showed your bare legs, I didn't know you had so many tattoos on your legs.

京 It's not many. I'm filling up the space now, there's still long way to go.

－ You say it's not many, but you don't get tattoos to turn your own body into your own artwork.

京 Yeah, I just get them when I want new tattoos.

－ Is that also the part of you that wants more, that can't be satisfied?

京 It is. My hairstyle is also constantly changing. I get bored with my hair all the time.

－ The ideal style is not fixed, but do you sometimes tell yourself something like 'I'm not there yet'?

京 I don't have an ideal. Simply speaking, the best option is to just be born good looking. Doesn't everyone think that way? But it didn't happen for me (laughing). So I don't have an ideal look. I don't have this kind of optimistic thinking of holding on to an ideal that will not come true, like no matter what it's impossible, no way (laughing). It just gets irritating. People who believe that really have to try their best all the time. So I don't want to waste time on that. I wish I could afford to do that, but because I'm never satisfied I just can't.

－ What is it that you want the most at the moment?

京 Time. And a body that doesn't need sleep. At the moment I'm abstaining from sweets because of a kind of a resolution game that I randomly decided on with fans, I even forgo sweeteners. I'm angry at myself for picking my only pleasure (laughing). Can't even reduce stress like that.

－ But it's not like you can keep pushing restricting yourself staying indifferent. Even though you seem indifferent you're enjoying it, but at the same time you're frustrated.

京 Yeah, it's like that.

－ Musically, do you feel like you were saved by creating sukekiyo – another place to express yourself?

京 Of course. We have released quite a lot. Restraining me is just not possible.

#sukekiyo #京 #kyo #interview #rock and read #translation

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anxiouslynumbme · 5 years ago

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Carmuel Missing Scenes/Moments

A/N: Hello! I hope you're all doing well. So I was planning on posting the last 2 parts on the same day but that would've taken way too long, so I decided to just post the part I'm done with. I also forgot to add a quick note for last chapter, I’m aware that I ignored the show’s timeline (with 3x07 and 3x08.)----I kinda just put the whole murder plot in 3x07, 'cause it worked with the chapter. But mainly, it's because I wanted 3x08 to entirely be about Carmuel/Samucarla. Anyway, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy.

WARNING: (Explicit Sexual Situations, Strong Language.)

3x08 - Part 1

_______________________________________________________

Given everything that'd happened, Carla was taking her time to get back into the swing of things. But then again things had been terrible, so maybe she shouldn't bother. A fresh start was probably the best option and she was lucky that she even had one. Carla had dodged too many bullets, it was time she stopped walking into the line of fire.

Going to Polo's funeral had provided a closure Carla didn't know she'd needed. She wasn't just letting go of someone she loved, she was letting go of everything that'd come with him. Unfortunately, it also meant she had to let go of all the good memories as well. And that when sadness hit viciously, mourning for Polo, the Polo she remembered before all that shit had happened. He was gone, and Carla wanted to believe that she could remember him for the good things because the bad things had been buried with him. But it wasn't that simple, was it?

Life for her had gotten calmer after the funeral, stagnant, even. Carla liked that, it was a much needed change of pace. But life was also moving fast, soon everyone was starting their own journey, paving their own path, and while Carla never liked to admit to these kind of things, it was sad that they wouldn't be sharing their lives with each other anymore.

Carla wasn't gonna lie to herself, she didn't have many friends, there were a few select people she was going to miss when she left Spain. And try as she might, Carla couldn't stop thinking about one person in particular. Samuel had occupied her mind every second of every day.

They had called each other, it was mostly Samuel. Carla was still feeling a considerable amount of guilt and she had tried to keep their phone calls short and terse. She was preparing both of them. But Samuel, Samuel was relentless, calling, trying to get her to agree on meeting.

But then everything changed.

Carla had told him the exact date she was leaving and it was like a bucket of ice water that she'd felt being dumped on both of them over the phone.

And that was when Samuel had started pulling back. He called less and less and when Carla was brave enough to call, sometimes he didn't answer. Days passed quickly after that, Carla got busy making arrangements for the wineries and Samuel was busy avoiding her, so she didn't really know what was going on in his life.

Carla would be lying if she said his actions weren't just a bit confusing; since he was the one so adamant on 'hanging out' before she left. But Carla also knew he was only trying to protect himself from what he knew was coming, or maybe he was just done with her. Which was what Carla wanted in the first place. So why was she so frustrated with him?

Carla was getting more irritated with the situation every day. Samuel had finally realized she was right and he was letting her go. She should be grateful that he'd woken up and realized they had no chance of a future anymore.

Carla was glad, she was okay with it. Until Lu and Guzmán had planned an outing to get everyone together, including Samuel, of course.

The gathering was held at this cute, cozy bar. It was pretty mellow and atmospheric; twinkling lights all over the ceiling, soft music playing in the background so people could actually hear each other. A perfect place for friends to hang out before everything changed and they all went their separate ways.

They were all currently sitting around two tables, which they'd pushed together earlier in the evening. And other than a 'hello' that was meant for the entirety of their group, Samuel hadn't tried talking to her, he didn't even grant her a private greeting.

Good for him. It was for the best.

"All right, darlings," Lu began, standing up and addressing the table, raising her glass. "I'd like to make a quick toast. . .we've survived some serious shit, haven't we? It's a little crazy to think about the insanity that's been in all of our lives. Everyone here has been through a lot, some of it we share, some of it we don't. But we're all here right now. Together. And I'd like to think that we've grown enough to understand each other.

"To be there for each other, even if it's not physically." Lu paused, eyes brimming with tears. "I guess I'm just grateful that when it mattered most, I wasn't alone. We'll never forget what we've been through and who we lost - " Lu's breath caught in her throat as she stuttered over her words and Carla felt an instant need to comfort her friend, grabbing her hand and squeezing gently.

Sitting on the other side of Lu, Nadia put a hand on Lu's shoulder, rising up next to her and nodding reassuringly as she started speaking. "As Lu was saying, we'll never forget. We are always bound. So here's to everything. To the people we lost.To the good memories and the bad ones, too. To Las Encinas, for bringing us all together...to long nights spent studying and - "

"Oi, speak for yourself!" Rebeca exclaimed jokingly, causing a round of laughter to break out.

"Anyway." Nadia glared playfully at Rebeca, before turning to smile softly at Lu. "To unexpected friendships. To the scary, uncertain future. To sticking together no matter what, and having faith even when things turned bleak and it felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. To - to loving each other regardless of the consequences." Nadia said the last part staring at Guzmán and he was staring right back.

Carla found her eyes darting to Samuel, catching his eyes for less than a second before he quickly averted them.

Nadia wiped a single tear that'd escaped her eyes, before smiling widely at the whole table. "To friends. To family!"

"Yeah!"

"Damn right!"

Cheers and excited affirmations exploded all around Carla, who was only focused on one thing.

While Carla had no right to be angry with Samuel, she was a little pissed off at his new found dismissive nature. Ever since she'd decided to study abroad, Carla's been having second thoughts, but they were just thoughts. Normal, predictable doubts that came with big decisions and life-changes. It didn't mean Carla was going to stay and it definitely didn't mean Samuel was going with her.

They were too young to feel like this. Carla questioned her sanity sometimes, the fact that it seemed like she was always going to be this far gone for him. How could someone feel this much at this age? That was why she'd pretended her feelings for him were sexual compatibility for the longest time. Their chemistry was just intense and it could be easily interpreted into something more than it was.

But staring at him on the other side of the table as he talked with Omar, her eyes unable to focus on anything else, Carla was hit with realization yet again that she was in love with him.

Samuel was wearing a simple black, long-sleeved shirt with faded blue jeans. His hair was longer, but not too long, just long enough to make her fingers itch to run through it. His lips relaxed into half a smile as he listened to whatever Omar was telling him. Her eyes shamelessly admired his features. His sharp jaw which she wanted to lick with her tongue, his rosy, full lips that she wanted to kiss until they were both crying out for air. The slim, pointy slope of his nose, releasing breaths she wanted to feel on her skin.

Then Carla reached his eyes. And they weren't on her.

And she fucking hated how her heart kept yanking its own strings calling out for them to stay on her. They always had. His eyes were always on her, one way or another, they always seemed to find her and latch on. But Samuel hadn't looked at her, really looked at her since that morning after Polo's death.

After their conversation that day. Carla had finally allowed herself to believe they were going to take advantage of whatever time they had left, that it wasn't the worst idea in the world. The other - more logical and prominent part - knew it was easier to just let things be, and not stir any more unnecessary pain. They'd had enough of that, it was better to leave things, untouched, clean, and simple for once. It was naive and reckless to start something when she knew the ugly, inevitable end.

And yet as Carla watched him, she suddenly didn't care much about any of that, she knew the risks and she still wanted him one last time. But it seemed Samuel was more in agreement with his logical side these days. The one time she wanted him to give in to his feelings and run to her head on, he was distant and guarded.

Carla knew he felt her gaze. Every time she trained her eyes on him, she could literally see him squirm in his seat, his fingers raking through his soft hair as he pretended to listen to the conversations around him. And Carla could feel his own fleeting gaze when he thought she wasn't aware of it.

Carla decided it was time she made a move before letting him go forever. Just one last conversation. She just wanted to look at him.

Samuel was getting a drink from the bar when Carla walked up to him. "Hello."

He visibly stiffened but glanced her way. "Hi. How have you been?"

"Good, you?"

"Good."

God, this was ridiculous.

"Uh, wanna a drink?"

"No, I actually can't drink, Nina's orders."

"For how long?"

"She promised soon I'll be able to, little by little. And soon better come quickly because I'm losing my mind a little."

That earned her half a grin. "I'm sure. But hey, alcohol isn't that great, you know? You're not missing much." he tried feebly.

"Says the guy who can drink any time he wants."

He smiled. "Fair enough."

Carla took a deep breath. "Wanna go for a walk?"

What was she doing? Why was she pushing it?

"A walk? Now? It's quite late."

"Yeah, it's too crowded in here."

It really wasn't.

Samuel looked away from her. "I - I don't think that's the best idea."

"Oh. Why?"

"You know why."

"I do." she sighed. Fuck. "Well, I'm just gonna get some fresh air before going home. Good night, Samuel."

Carla went back over to say her goodbyes quickly before making her way out of the bar. Samuel was finally being smart about his relationship with her, and Carla was still trying to get him alone. Carla felt helpless, she honestly wanted to just talk to him, know exactly why the sudden change of heart, what had changed.

So Carla'd made a risky play with him just now. But if she knew Samuel at all, it wasn't actually all that risky.

And sure enough after a few seconds of being outside, he was on her tail.

"Really, Carla?"

His voice came out annoyed and Carla grinned; before turning around to face him. "What?"

"You're seriously making me walk with you?"

"And how am I doing that?"

Samuel cocked his head, quirking an eyebrow. "You know I'm not gonna let you walk by yourself at this hour."

Carla beamed. "Samuel, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. It's not my fault you're sexist and think women need looking after."

Samuel scoffed, gaping at her like a fish out of water and Carla bit her lip trying to hold in her laughter.

"I know what you're doing," he grumbled but there was a hint of a smile on his face. "And I'm not sexist, I'm protective."

"Sure, keep telling yourself that."

Samuel shook his head and started moving his way down the street. "You're unbelievable."

Carla took two fast strides to keep up with him. "Thank you."

He smirked, eyeing her. "Wasn't a compliment."

"It sounded like one to me."

"Of course it did."

They were quiet for a moment as they strolled side by side. The street was so calm, peaceful. The only light available was the gentle yellow and red glow from the lamp posts around them. It seemed like no matter where they ended up being, things were just always calm and serene with Samuel.

"That bar was really nice," Carla told him.

Samuel smiled. "Oh, yeah? You liked it?"

"Yeah, very comfortable."

"I go there all the time. I showed it to Guzmàn, he seemed to think it was great for a hang out."

Carla should've known. The place had Samuel written all over it. And she'd just noticed it was actually close to his neighborhood. "I see why you love it,"

"Yeah, when I'm there, it kinda feels like home somehow."

"Hmm." In a corner of Carla's mind, she wondered why had he never shown her the place.

A beat of silence and then he asked nervously. "Are you hungry? There's this awesome 24 hour American diner nearby."

There was the Samuel she had been missing, the one who wanted to spend time with her. A tug of guilt followed her selfish thoughts. She had to say no. But Carla was leaving soon and it wasn't a crime to want to be with him one last time.

Fuck it.

"Sure."

"Great, but it's actually not that close, walking might be a bit of a drag."

"How far?"

"Near my building, which is not that far from here, maybe seven blocks away from it."

"Okay, we can call a cab then."

"It's also not that far," he chuckled, pausing to look around, considering something. "You know what, we could just bike there."

Samuel started striding back towards the bar, which they were now half way down the street from, noting that she wasn't following him, he gestured for her to come along. "My bike is by the bar."

Oh, no.

Carla trailed behind him toward his bike and and some other bike she'd never seen before. "We could just call a car." she tried again

Samuel glanced at her. "It's not worth it. Don't worry, you won't ride with me, you can borrow Omar's."

"I'm wearing a skirt."

"So?"

"It'll be more difficult, I think," she said lamely, wishing she was at least wearing high heels, so she could use that as an excuse, but no such luck.

He straightened up from unlocking his bike and gazed at her dubiously. "Carla. . .do you know how to ride a bike?"

"Of course I do." and she did. A little.

Samuel was onto her, Carla could see it through the poorly hidden laughter in his eyes. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Well, this should be no problem. Come on."

"I don't want to."

"Right. Because you can't."

"I told you I can."

His smile stretched even wider as he crossed his arms behind his back. "Okay, let's see it then."

They stared each other down for a long moment, Samuel wasn't backing down, challenging her with his eyes. Whatever.

"Fine, I can't ride a bike, happy?"

Samuel laughed heartily. "A little. I bet the first thing you learned was driving a car, right?"

She smiled. "No, I used to know how, self-taught, actually. I'm just a bit rusty."

He furrowed his brows. "Self-taught?"

Carla shrugged, not wanting to sound at all like she was complaining, feeling especially privileged for what she was about to say. "Yeah, I never needed it, you know. But one day, my parents felt like I should have one anyway, so they bought it for me, but never really bothered to teach me.

"But I used to watch Mirella teaching her kids on these really old bikes and I silently took pointers from afar. However, it got boring rather quickly, so I just gave my bike to one of her kids. You're right, I prefer cars anyway."

His frown deepened but then he shook his head. "Okay then, that's all right, we could hail a taxi, or. . ." he trailed off with an sneaky smile.

"Or what?" Carla asked, confused.

"I could teach you."

Carla laughed. "No, thank you."

"It's so easy. You said you know the basics, right?"

"Yes, but I - "

"That'll make it even easier. It'll be fun, I promise." he stepped towards her, grabbing her wrist and pulling her over to the bike. Carla was so focused on the touch of his hand on her skin that she'd missed when he called her name.

"Carla?"

"This is useless. I don't need to, Samuel. There's a reason why I never had to learn." she huffed, successfully covering up her flustering thoughts.

"Riding a bike is a very important skill to learn. Get on." he said, fixing the seat, so it could be higher.

"You just never give up, do you?"

"Nope. Get on, let's go."

Releasing a breath, she climbed on to the saddle. "Now what?"

Samuel grinned, looking her up and down in a way that made her insides clench. "You pedal." he joked.

"Wow, you should do this professionally."

"It's an option, for sure." he laughed lowly.

"All right now, we need to work on your balance," he began seriously. "Stand up, but you should be touching the seat, that's why I adjusted its height - yes, exactly like that - and just walk forward with the bike."

Carla started to slowly walk, instinctively looking down at her feet.

"No, don't look down, look straight ahead." he instructed, Carla tried to keep her gaze ahead, but every few seconds she would peer down again.

"It's okay," Samuel said, moving in front of the bike, facing her. "Just look at me, it'll make it easier to have something to focus on."

It was easier. Once she'd looked up, her gaze locking with his, Carla's eyes didn't move to her feet again. She was so lost in his eyes, that she hadn't noticed they were half way down the street again and the startling fact that her feet weren't touching the ground.

"Good, good," Samuel encouraged, voice a bit husky. "Keep them off the ground, it's all about balance."

They worked on her balance for a long time, Samuel insisting it was the most important part. Until finally he decided she was ready to try pedaling.

"Let's stop for a second," he then bent down, catching her right ankle and Carla almost jumped at the sensation. Fixing the pedal up in the right position, he looked up at her, meeting her eyes and something about the moment was - strangely hot and arousing.

Samuel stood back up, puffing out a heavy breath. "Okay, walk again, and then slowly start with your right foot.

"Yes, like that, and then you can add the left."

Carla followed his instructions slowly starting with her right, followed gently by the left. And then she was actually pedaling, the bike started to glide down the street.

Samuel hurriedly jogged next to her, one hand holding the handlebar and the other was on her lower back, caging her in, in case anything went wrong.

After a while of Samuel keeping up with her, Carla felt confident enough on her own. "Okay, I think I got it now. You can let go."

"You sure?"

"Positive." he hesitantly loosened his grip, Carla was okay at first but the bike suddenly started to wobble and Carla stumbled sideways, but thankfully, Samuel was immediately there, steadying her before she fell.

She giggled. "Sorry, let's try that again."

And they did, again and again until she finally got the hang of it.

"All right, I'll concede, this is pretty fun," she said, after riding alone a few times, Carla glanced up at Samuel; to find him already looking at her with such fondness in his eyes, it made her swallow harshly.

"What?"

"Nothing. Smiling looks good on you, that's all."

"Are you using a line on me, Samuel?" Carla quipped, trying to hide the way her cheeks heated at his statement.

His lips curled coyly, taking a step closer to her, holding the handlebar and bending his head down so he could stare at her as she straddled the bike seat. His eyes finding hers with evident lust, flicking to her lips and then back up.

"I don't need it."

No, he didn't. That look alone made her core prickle with attention.

Carla loved all sides to Samuel. But this one - the confident side; that had first confronted her that day at the club, that'd grabbed her by the neck and lay the best kiss of her life on her lips - she particularly and immensely enjoyed that side.

"A bit cocky, are we?"

Samuel tilted his head to the side, shrugging innocently while a sly grin graced his beckoning lips. He was so fucking handsome.

This whole biking lesson was already weirdly turning her on and this wasn't helping the situation. Carla needed to kiss him. She leaned in a little more, feeling a bit dazed from his breath dancing on her lips, Samuel didn't move away, his chest now heaving as their mouths softly, teasingly grazed each other.

Suddenly Samuel pulled back, clearing his throat loudly with a cough. "Uh, okay, yeah, so let's get something to eat, right?"

The sting of rejection was stuck in her lungs and Carla tried to gulp it away. She shouldn't have even tried, he'd made the right move.

Quickly brushing it away, glad that he still wanted to hang out. "Yeah, let's do it."

"I'll send Omar a text to tell him we're taking his bike, he's going home with Ander anyway."

"You have the key?" she asked, knowing there must be a U-lock on Omar's bicycle.

"I have a copy, he has mine as well."

"That's adorable."

"Shut up."

A minute later they were on their way. The breeze felt so good on her skin, gliding down the street next to Samuel. It was incredibly cliche, but Carla had never felt so free or so at peace as she was in that moment. She let out an abrupt, loud laugh of giddiness, Samuel turned to look at her with a huge smile on his face.

"What?" he asked, raising his voice so she could hear him in the space between them.

"I love this!" she shouted back.

Samuel laughed along with her. "Told you!"

Letting go of the handlebars, Carla spread her arms wide open, enjoying the wind blowing through her hair.

"No, no, Carla! You're not ready for that yet. Put your hands back!"

"Stop worrying!" she said, still laughing for some reason.

"Put them back, Carla. Now!"

"You've never done this?"

"Of course I have, I've been doing it since I was a child."

"This is my first time. Don't let me do it alone."

Carla could see him rolling his eyes even from her position, before finally complying with her request. Both of them holding out their arms like six-year old idiots, their laughter ringing across the quiet street.

_______________________________________________________

"I told you to hang on." Samuel scolded for the tenth time since they'd sat down in the booth.

"Samuel, it's just a scratch. I'm fine."

Carla had fallen off Omar's bike, one second she was having fun and laughing, the next she'd swerved to the side and landed on her ass. There was a small scratch on her knee and a slightly bigger bruise on her elbow.

"Carla, I'm sorry, I should've known you weren't ready to ride - "

"Samuel, I swear, I'm okay. It's not even bleeding, I'm sure you've had a lot worse," she said, holding the ice bag to her elbow - that Samuel'd asked for once they'd reached the diner.

Okay, so maybe it hurt a little but he didn't need to know that.

"It was really fun." Carla hastily added when he tried to open his mouth to protest.

"Yeah, it was." he smiled but it quickly vanished, replaced with a frown. "But you're hurt."

"Oh my god, Samuel, drop it. I'm fine."

"All right, all right, I'll stop."

A second later the waitress arrived at their booth, carrying their food trays.

"There you go, sweethearts," she said warmly, putting down their burgers and sodas on the table. "Need anything else?"

Samuel looked at Carla to confirm she didn't need anything, before answering. "No, thank you."

"Enjoy your meal," she said, sauntering away.

"Bacon on burger. Why have I never tried this before?" Carla wondered at the flavor exploding in her mouth.

"To be honest, I'm surprised you've even tried burger or bacon at all." Samuel teased, taking a bite.

Carla wanted to retort but in all honesty, he was right. She wasn't much into junk food.

She shrugged, agreeing. "I've only tried it once or twice."

"Ooh, one too many."

Carla smiled. "Most of the burgers I ate were cooked at home, where we can make sure they're organic and healthy."

"Of course."

"They're actually pretty good, you should try it."

"I'll stick to my greasy, unhealthy food, thanks." he grinned.

"Don't knock it till you try it, Samuel. Follow my example," she said, proving her point by taking another bite of her burger.

Samuel's eyes suddenly clouded with emotion, his voice was soft as he pointed to her chin. "You have something . . ."

A transporting moment of a nostalgic memory hit Carla hard and fast. She could see it in Samuel's eyes that he had been transferred to it as well. The beautiful, heartwarming memory that usually brought her comfort thinking about it, was now chocking her as she stared into his eyes.

Carla looked away first, feeling a wild urge to flee. She plucked a napkin from the box in front of her and wiped all around her mouth. "Did I get it?"

"Um, yeah," he replied, his voice conveying a hint of sadness.

The silence that followed was tense and awkward and she hated it. Carla hated it so much, she was willing to bring up a topic of discussion they were both trying to steer clear of.

"One more year at Las Encinas, you must be thrilled," she said sarcastically, hoping that the topic wouldn't completely ruin their night.

Samuel snorted, dipping a fry in ketchup before eating it. "Oh, I am. I can't wait."

Carla smiled softly. "I'm sorry. But it's better than expulsion, right?"

Samuel didn't answer right away, peering around the diner thoughtfully. "I guess, yeah."

"It wasn't fair. What'd happened wasn't fair. At least they fixed it, though, and you can finish school now."

When he only nodded in response, Carla contemplated asking her next question. "Speaking of, do you know what you wanna do - after?"

"Um, kinda, yeah. I think I wanna be a lawyer."

That made so much sense.

"I can see it," Carla said, sipping her soda.

"Really?" he asked, a note of hope in his voice.

"Oh, definitely. If anyone is gonna bring justice to the people who need it, it's you, Samuel."

Shyness washed over his features as he smiled at her. "Thank you, I hope I'm able to."

Carla wasn't so lucky in that aspect, she didn't really know what she wanted to do with her life. That was why studying abroad was a good idea. Traveling could expand her horizon, gain her some experience.

"You know." Samuel's voice stopped her racing thoughts. "You'd make a great lawyer, too."

"What? I highly doubt that." she laughed dismissively.

"I'm serious. You could talk your way out of anything."

She gaped at him. "That's not true."

"Yes, it is."

"Okay - would that be much help as a lawyer?"

"Of course it would be, you could do it for other people. You can say anything and the judge and jury won't stand a chance."

For some reason, his words didn't set well with her. "So you're saying that I'll be able to defend the guilty by what - Lying or manipulating my way out?"

Samuel looked genuinely shocked. "That was not what I meant at all. And I never said guilty or lying or - "

"It was implied."

"No, it wasn't. Carla, I just meant - "

"No, it's okay," she cut him off. "you're not wrong."

Samuel didn't say anything back for the longest time, and Carla was unsure if she should be thankful for that or not.

"I'm sorry," he started cautiously. "I realize now how it sounded. But I honestly didn't mean it that way. I just meant you're very persuasive and smart and calculating. And yes, sometimes you can be a bit cunning. But that doesn't mean you won't use it for the good side."

"Okay . . . So you're saying if I were to be a lawyer, I could use my dark powers to do good."

Samuel laughed lightly. "Something like that. You would help people, Carla, I'm sure of it."

Samuel made Carla question herself in the best way possible. Carla knew she wouldn't do much good in the world. But there he was, making her believe she was capable of more, that she was better than she believed.

"I guess we'll never know, because I'll never be a lawyer."

"You could if you wanted to."

She grinned. "That's the thing, I don't want to."

"All right, that's fair." he half-smiled.

They spent the next hour focusing back on their food, discussing random things, and avoiding the giant elephant in the room.

"Do you wanna get dessert?"

Even though Carla was full, she didn't want the night to end, so she said yes.

"What would you like?"

Carla skimmed over the menu. "I could go for some ice cream."

"Me too, that sounds good."

Later as they were eating the tasty treat, it was kinda pathetic how they were both eating the ice cream they'd ordered so slowly, it was starting to melt.

It was painfully obvious that neither one of them wanted the night to be over.

Samuel was beginning to affect her ability to function. The ache she could feel in her bones for him was constant and incessant. Carla was terrified to think she might always feel like this. The relentless need to be near him, the permanent place that had nested in her heart with his name engraved on it. It was too much to think about. The always of it all.

Because Carla missed him so much and she was doomed to miss him forever.

Carla couldn't bring herself to be selfless and call it a night. To tell him 'this was fun, I'll see you when I see you, I guess'. What could she say to him? Was this goodbye? Was this the last time she would ever see him, in this American diner tonight?

It didn't feel right. But Carla couldn't ask him to stay longer either.

"Come home with me." Samuel blurted out so suddenly and so fast, Carla wasn't sure she'd heard him correctly.

"What?"

Samuel sighed deeply, his fingers running through his hair. Glancing away before settling his burning, yet nervous gaze back on hers. "Come back with me, I mean, we could just continue talking and stuff at mine - if you want to."

Carla's heart hammered in her chest. "Well, I do have to make sure you arrive home safely."

His smile was bright and wide. "That would make me feel better."

_______________________________________________________

The tension was suffocating in the narrow hallway in front of Samuel's house. Both of them stood there, not moving. Facing each other.

Time had stopped for them, their eyes refusing to look at anything but one another. Samuel didn't open the door and Carla knew it was because of what was going to happen once they were inside, the thought of it terrifying as much as it was exhilarating. They could both feel it, they couldn't hide from it anymore.

They were succumbing. Carla felt it in the simmering heat around them, their bodies were done fighting it, it was inevitable. Her skin was starting to itch, agitated with the need for his touch, she could uncomfortably feel how ready she was for him. And Carla could see it all over Samuel, his erratic breathing, the way he fidgeted in the spot, the way he clenched his fists in anticipation.

But Samuel's yearning eyes also looked scared, actually they were terrified.

"I want you, Carla. I want you so much," he said thickly.

The desire in his voice, his eyes, all contradicted his sudden apprehensive body language.

"Samuel, you don't have t - "

"You don't understand," he interrupted urgently. "I feel like I can't do this because of how much I want you. It's fucking painful."

Her stomach twisted anxiously. "Okay, I --"

"You're leaving, Carla."

"I know." her eyes lowered with guilt. She was making it harder for both of them. "I'm sorry, you're right. This was a bad idea, we shouldn't."

When Samuel didn't say anything in return, she instantly got the message. Carla nodded curtly, making a move to leave.

Samuel caught her arm before she could twitch another muscle, edging his body so close to hers, his smell enclosing the space around her; till she was breathing in nothing but him.

"We shouldn't because it's going to hurt like hell when we're done. I'm gonna have to let you go after. Again." his voice was low and pained.

"I know." was all she could say, her eyes glued to his.

"But I - I think it's gonna hurt way more if I let you go when I know I can have you right now. Even if it's temporary. I can't live knowing I wasted a chance to be with you."

His words made their way throughout her entire body, spreading warmth all over. "Samuel, I'm sorry --"

He shook his head vehemently. "No more talking."

Her heart thudded heavily at his abrupt throaty command. And then her next breath was stolen by his mouth crashing down on hers. Carla gasped, the familiarity of his lips, his taste, making her want to moan in relief while simultaneously crying.

Samuel parted her lips open, spinning her around till her back hit the front door, his tongue tangling with hers. His exploration was deep and slow and it made Carla's ache rise to new heights, she gripped his hair tightly, scared that this moment like all the others they had shared, was short-lived and fleeting. Or worse, it was just a dream. These thoughts made her latch onto him harder, pulling him closer, her lips leaving his and trailed open mouthed kisses down his neck, sucking and biting the way she'd wanted to for what felt like forever. She could vaguely feel his hand digging into his pockets, probably fetching his keys.

"Fuck, Carla - I can't think." He groaned in her ear. "I need to get my keys."

Carla continued leisurely, her hands traveling down his chest until she was palming his hard member through his jeans. Samuel growled lowly, fisting her hair, pulling her head back and connecting their lips passionately.

He was right, Carla couldn't think either, it was hard to concentrate on anything except devouring him. But they needed to get that key.

Carla pushed him back slightly. "I got it." slapping his hand away from his pocket.

Samuel let out a low sound of protest when she let go of his lips, but he quickly got to work on her neck, desperately lavishing her skin with his tongue. She managed to finally pull his key, which was buried inside his left pocket under his phone.

"Found it." Or at least Carla hoped she did and it was the right one.

Samuel mindlessly grabbed it from her hand, trying clumsily to slide it into the lock.

"Ugh, where the fuck...?" he whined impatiently. Her hands moving all over him, distracting him even further.

Finally the door was shoved open, both of them stumbling inside, Samuel kicking the door shut after them. He blindly walked her back until she could feel herself meeting the wall beside the kitchen. His hands couldn't seem to decide which part of her to touch, his fingers tracing and clutching whatever inch of her he found, sneaking under her blouse and tracing the soft skin enticingly. His lips kissing up and down her neck deliciously, his teeth biting, before smoothing his tongue over the mark lovingly.

Carla wasn't fairing any better, enthusiastically hiking up his shirt, needing it off him. Samuel backed off for just a second to peel it off and throw it to the side. He immediately dove back in, his palms traveling up her thighs and under her skirt, tracing the outline of her underwear before ripping the thin material off.

Carla gasped at the action. They were both desperate, feverish and so fucking eager. She could feel the overwhelming, blazing eruption of physical and emotional need. Pent up feelings and sexual desires. Denied love. All of it was spurting into million bursts of electrical charge being passed back and forth between them.

This was them, unabashed and unreserved. It was that magnetic bond they couldn't explain.

"We should slow down but I can't." he rasped against her lips. His fingers leaving her waist to unbuckle his belt, trying to unzip his jeans hastily.

They weren't slowing down. They had time to savor and indulge later.

Carla took a moment to appreciate the sight of a shirtless Samuel with his jeans unzipped and low on his hips. Her hands took charge, frantically sliding her palm under his boxers, fingers grazing him gently.

"Fucking hell." he moaned hoarsely, lips attacking her collar bones, his fingers tugging on her green, silky blouse impatiently, finally unbuttoning the damn thing and sliding it off her shoulders swiftly. Carla's palm was now stroking him gently, her fingers tightening their grip each time.

"Fuck, stop, Carla, I won't . ." Samuel broke off with a keen groan, his hand catching hers to stop its movement before slamming it against the wall beside her head, his lips instantly finding hers again.

His free hand slid back under her skirt, finding her heated sex, his finger delicately touching her sensitive clit, rubbing softly in a circular motion, before slowly parting her entrance and slipping inside, his lips letting out a moan at the sensation.

Carla gasped low in her throat, trying to stifle a loud reaction, his fingers dipping in deeper and causing electricity to shoot through her. It felt too good. Too exquisite, and Carla was impatient, she needed him. Her hand firmly grasped his hard length again, making Samuel's breath falter as she guided him toward her center.

That was when Samuel completely paused, drawing back to look at her. Carla's breath hitched from the intensity of his eyes. His Adam's apple bobbing in his throat anxiously as his dark browns shone with so many ripples of emotions; love, lust, longing, relief, fear, sadness.

"Carla, I - "

"Shh, I know," she said, pulling him closer. "It's okay."

And then he pushed inside her in one agonizingly anticipated motion, their eyes clinging to each other just as much as their bodies were.

The feel of him after so long was overwhelmingly gratifying as he rested inside her for a second, giving both of them time to adjust to the achingly familiar feeling. Samuel panted harshly, his hips starting a rhythm so gentle, almost painfully so, as though trying to cherish every single tick of the intimate act. But then he perfectly gained momentum, matching both their needs. His mouth was sponging kisses all across her face, till his lips reached hers muffling their moaning as their tongues swirled hotly with each other.

"God, Carla." he grunted loudly. "I thought I'd never - " he stopped, seemingly forgetting what he was was about to say, as he drove into her faster, pinning her to the wall.

Carla had closed her eyes in ecstasy, trying to imprint every touch, every sound he made on her brain. Samuel's pace began to stir the fire already within her as he sank in and out of her faster and deeper. Her fingers clutched his hair, unable to stop herself from pulling on it hard, causing Samuel to moan and give even harder thrusts.

"Holy - fuck, Carla." his movements were growing in urgency, as he intensely and thoroughly fucked her.

"Samuel." she whimpered into his mouth, pleasure taking over every inch of her as she met his thrusts ardently. It was coming to an end. Way too soon. Carla wasn't ready for it to be over, but it was all too much, they both couldn't stop their shuddering bodies as their hips bucked against each other harshly. Carla gasping out his name one last time, her climax striking her fiercely. With a few last vigorous thrusts, Samuel tucked his head into her neck, growling out his own release.

His body sagged against hers, the only thing keeping her from collapsing on the floor. It was a few minutes before Carla's brain picked up on her surroundings again. Samuel's head was still buried in her neck, and his body was shaking against her.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly. Was he regretting it? She didn't want it to be awkward or sad. Carla thought they'd decided to not think or talk and just enjoy each other while they still could. Did he regret it?

"I - yeah. I'm okay." he breathed unsteadily, his breath tickling her skin. "Fucking wonderful, actually. You?"

Carla smiled to herself in relief, they were still on the same page, he didn't regret it. "Same."

"We forgot to use a condom," Carla told him softly, not overly worried, they had done it before, their first time of course, being the first case.

"Shit." he mumbled into her hair. "We should really pay more attention to that."

Carla sighed, running her fingers through his hair. "I know. I am on the pill, though. You're clean, right?" He nodded against her.

"Me too."

Samuel finally craned his neck back, and Carla's heart squeezed in her chest. His eyes were so soft, sated and pretty, Carla almost pouted at the beautiful sight of him, raising her palms to stroke his red, flushed cheeks.

"You look so cute," she whispered.

Samuel scowled in mock offense. "I just fucked you against this wall and you think I look cute!"

Carla laughed so loudly in response, that Samuel couldn't keep his stern look on, a smile breaking over his face.

"Cute?" he gently let her down, still clinging to her waist, which was good because her knees were barely holding her up.

She laughed harder, shrugging. "Yes. So cute and sleepy." she teased.

"Oh, Carla, I'm not sleepy one bit."

The promise, almost warning tone of his voice halted her laughter as her eyes focused on his intense ones.

Not giving her time to comprehend the meaning of his words, his lips caught hers, his arm dragging her by the waist away from the wall, and holding her to his chest. Carla could feel them moving around the house, her eyes closed, trusting Samuel to lead the way to his bedroom.

It was a blur till she opened her eyes, releasing his mouth to find they were standing in front of Samuel's bed. His lips smirked sinfully at her, before grabbing her by the waist and roughly tossing her on the bed.

Fuck.

Slowly climbing after her, he rested on his knees, his heavy-lidded eyes staring down at her. "We're nowhere near done."

_______________________________________________________

Much later, they were both completely naked on his bed. Carla was sprawled against his chest, her right ear pressed against his heart, listening to its soothing, comforting beat as his fingers massaged her scalp lazily.

Maybe it was because they unleashed the tension and she was way more relaxed, but Carla felt brave enough to say what was on her mind.

"You stopped calling."

Samuel stilled under her for only a second. "You did too."

"Because you stopped answering. It would've been selfish of me to push you further, I - I thought you'd finally let me go."

She hated how her voice broke at the last part.

"I was trying to." he admitted quietly. "But I've accepted that I can't."

"Samuel."

"I also wanted to give you some time, you know."

Carla frowned. "Time for what?"

He sighed. "Polo."

Carla stiffened, lifting her head to look at him. "What?"

His eyes didn't meet hers. "To deal with his death and everything else. I know that at some point you - um, I know what he meant to you once and I knew you needed some time to process."

Only Samuel. Samuel who hated Polo with everything in him, understood that Carla felt differently; that she was sad, the she'd needed time to mourn Polo and he didn't judge her.

"You're so considerate, it's a little annoying."

He rolled his eyes, but couldn't hide his tinted cheeks. "It's called common decency."

"Perhaps, but some people don't deserve it. I know how much you hated him, Samuel, and rightfully so. But thank you for understanding."

"Of course. So - how are you dealing with everything?"

Carla knew he wasn't just asking about Polo, but also everything with her family, the drugs, the withdrawal.

"I've been talking to Nina a lot. Obviously she doesn't know everything, but it's been nice to at least try and sort my shit out." Carla rested her head back on his chest.

"I'm glad you have someone to help you with everything."

"It's a very slow process because it's still so weird for me, honestly. And really fucking difficult to actually talk about stuff and work through them. Baby steps, I guess."

His fingers still combing through her hair, tugged gently, urging her to look up and meet his open and warm gaze. "I'm proud of you."

A wave of pure and crushing affection rushed through her forcefully, and she abruptly captured his lips.

He smiled into the kiss. "What's that for?"

Because I love you, Carla thought to herself but she couldn't say that. Carla had already taken enough, she'd already let herself bask in his presence. She couldn't say that to him and then bolt out of the country.

"Felt like it, do you have a problem with that?" she asked, kissing him again. Samuel hummed against her contentedly, biting her bottom lip.

"Never," he uttered with conviction, making Carla's heart lurch in her chest.

I love you.

The words were lodged in her throat, fighting against logic, begging to be let out. To finally let him know. Carla wanted to freely express this genuine, real and astounding emotion. There would never come a time when Carla wouldn't marvel at how much she felt for him. In such a short time he'd had her. Since the first time all of this had started, it had been a haze of a deep and intense connection. Carla had never wanted someone one so much, never had the surge of sexual attraction quite so powerfully.

But then want turned into need which tuned into something beyond what Carla'd thought she was ever capable of feeling. Something terrifyingly real.

How was it that there was a time when Carla couldn't care less about his existence and now it felt like she couldn't live without him.

But she had to.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Samuel asked, his fingers tracing the furrowed lines of her eyebrows.

You. I love you.

It would be a new low for Carla if she gave in to yet another one of her uncontrollable desires and told him. She would only be serving herself, quenching her thirst to get the feelings out. What was the point? She was leaving. It would only hurt him.

Don't tell him.

"Carla?" he sounded worried.

Don't say it. Don't be selfish. Don't tell him.

Carla had denied it for so long, all she had to do was keep it in a little longer and then they would be out of each other's lives. The words were pointless. There was no need to add salt to their wounds.

"Carla, what's wrong?"

Don't say it.

"I love you, Samuel."

#samucarla #carmuel #carla x samuel #samuel x carla #carla roson #samuel garcia #elite

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