vikingonegro1970

[nesperus]

you can fix it

[serknighted]

Danse & Hancock's parallels are eating my sanity slowly so by God I will write them here

So. Usually incredibly shy about posting my feelings about characters and my interpretations of them, but I don't think I can sit idly by without addressing 1. how much I love this post about Danse and how his story ties back to the isolation and loneliness of autism, and 2. how much I need more content between Hancock & Danse to exist, because my god sometimes I forget they hate each other in-game. (I strongly suggest you read the post mentioned & linked, they do a fantastic job framing Danse in a way I don't think I could fully articulate)

Danse & Hancock both have stories filled with themes of intense loneliness. Despite their hard work, effort, and prowess in the things they love, it doesn't take good sight to realize that neither of them are very well liked. It's not that they aren't respected, but whether it's Danse's all-too-formal approach to speaking, or Hancock's combination of hard drug use & almost constant overbearing presence (on top of years of slander from bigger cities, but we'll get into that), people see them as a tool of success and a good asset to have around, but not much of a friend, so to speak. Especially in Hancock's case, many people he is overly-affectionate with are often more annoyed by his presence than anything else (even if they do like him).

For Hancock, despite how much he claims to not relate to the isolation of the common ghoul, he's likely over-exaggerating his charisma in an effort to make himself more easily approachable, mostly for his own peace of mind rather than for others. While he sounds quite passive about things many others would react strongly to, I feel it's a combination of him having replaced a layer of how he truly feels with an element of sass on top of the drug use that makes all the trauma more easily bearable (to mixed effect).

One of his lines that has always struck me as conflicting with how he portrays himself is a common generic line he has while traveling with Sole Survivor, praising them for "living out the day" when most others could not. Hancock has seen so many people die to the brutal hands of the Commonwealth; whether it be Vic and his boys gunning down innocent drifters, seeing people succumb to the elements, or, in this case, simply not surviving their travels with him, Hancock seems to have a track record of never properly establishing proper bonds with others before they either die, or decide he's too overbearing to deal with further. He's one of those characters who desperately wants to have a deeper connection with those he loves, but he has consistently lost the chance to do so before he was ever ready, and so he chooses to fill the void with meaningless sexual relationships and one-night stands- anything to make him temporarily forget how much he hates himself and his almost comical lack of social understanding. It's a train of thought that I, as an autistic person, can really understand and relate to-- the desire to know people, but always feeling like no matter how you portrayed yourself, no one seems to want to be around you if you don't provide them with what they desire. It's caused him to deeply undervalue both how much he's done for people (since he believes its expected of him to constantly bend over backwards for the needs of others), and himself, all at the same time.

I don't think Danse fully recognizes how lonely he feels, a lot. He's been so heavily indoctrinated by the Brotherhood of Steel into believing that this is how he should be treated, that his work is for the betterment of humanity, that his sacrifice is a necessary one. The way he speaks almost carelessly about late brothers and sisters in arms makes me think really hard about how rooted this idea of only existing for the "greater good" is. Individuality is questionable & almost taboo, being different is outright abominable. It's the reason why the rhetoric of "Us vs. Them" works-- the BoS as a collective believe that they are doing good for all of humanity, and any outlier to that "perfect" formula is a threat not only to the BoS, but to everything they know. Danse is expected to bend over backwards for people, and no longer questions his loneliness or isolation, as he has all but given up his sense of self for what he believes is right. Another thing that I and many of my autistic friends relate to; a sense of justice so strong that it's overpowering. Like us, Danse is willing to sacrifice anything to do what's right... including himself.

Knowing this, it's easy to understand why he hates Hancock, and that backwards mindset is the reason Hancock hates him. It's an especially vicious cycle that constantly feeds into itself if unchecked, and Hancock knows that he alone cannot convince Danse to break that cycle. Hancock knows he can't beat Danse in a fight; all he has are his words, and logic is useless against an enemy that heeds to no truths. Even after Danse discovers his true nature... you can't expect him to unravel the years of constant reassurance that what he was taught was right in a single night. "Rome wasn't built in a day," and no one gets over their trauma so quickly, either. It's traumatic to have an explanation as to why people hate you. A catch-all reason to people's fear and distaste to you, that is also something you can never, ever change. Danse would sooner hate himself for what he is than accept those he used to murder without a second thought. It's the difficult reality of anyone attempting to unlearn painful conservative narratives; the shame & guilt of hurting others that are more similar to you than you ever wanted to know is sometimes more painful than realizing what you really are.

Hancock, albeit not even close to "recovered" from his mental woes, is much further along the path of acceptance to Danse, but not far enough away that he wouldn't understand where Danse is coming from. For so long, he sat idly by and watched people get hurt, even during his time in Diamond City. The constant conditioning to accept other people's pain as long as it wasn't happening to you still eats at his consciousness; just like Danse, he knows it was wrong to accept it, but the guilt makes it harder to deal with. He, of all people, would understand what it feels like to try so, so hard to fit in, to be normal and accepted, but never quite hit the mark of understanding where he fits in society. That's the reason he is the way he is now; his signature, his "Hancock," is to be as loud and out-of-place as possible-- a constant rebellion against what people expect him to be, a rebellion of oppression and unfair treatment. Danse's sheer existence is an involuntary rebellion of all BoS values, and even if Hancock would be hesitant to become close to Danse for a long while, I think he would be impressed by him, in the end, and more importantly, understand where he's coming from.

Their combined interest in both protecting the people they care about as well as the collective societies those people come from, as well as how nerdy they both are about US history... I think, eventually, they will realize how similar their lives were, how similar they are to each other, and maybe even find some comfort in knowing that they aren't alone in all of the waves of shame, guilt, and loneliness. That there is an overarching group of people who understand them, and that they do have a place in this world. I think once they recognize that similar traumas can manifest in polar opposite conditions (ones that they used to have a narrow, black-and-white outlook on), they'll also find that there is no real reason to hate each other anymore; the world has told them that they must hate each other, but they no longer have any need to listen.

TL;DR autistic Danse & Hancock ftw

[ganondoodle]

(probably very problematic opinion on the english voices in totk

watching skittybitty's totk video for the 27864269th time and i STILL get jumpscared by the english voices, anytime anyone ever opens their mouth it just sounds like they took some random person they caught on the street to monotonely voice a line in one take, and sometimes one of them rly likes to pretend their are doing a voice but it just sounds like a little child imitating their granpa or someone trying to overact to their toddler, its especially sad for ganondorf, its hard to hear any of them for me but gan i start laughing and have to skip it bc thats NOT gan, thats me doing my worst evil guy impression, or zelda, thats not zelda talkign thats me doing a sarcastic uwu lil princess voice

to be clear, i have nothing agaisnt the people voicing them and i know people like the guy doing the gan voice but none of them fit at all and none feel like they are actually coming from the character, much more so you muting your TV and talking over the people on screen making shit up as you go for shits and giggles, i dont know what happened here, why are these SO bad, i listen to plenty of movies and games and whatnot in english and i only ever had a similar problem with the english voices of ghibli movies -though that could be bc im jsut so used to the german ones, which are fantastic- or maybe an extremely old game that was just weird on its own even

i take no pride in hating the voices, espeically knowing how badly voice actors are treated and often replaced with some shitty celebtrity, but i truly do not get why they are so bad, the voices themselves never rly fit, and even if it would be passable, they are all speaking in a way where it either sounds like they are some guy sitting next to you reading a line for the first time or overemphasizing so much it sounds like someone playing pretend with toddlers

and its not in an indie game where the devs did their best to voice people themselves bc they didnt have the money, this is nintendo, how is it still like that, bc even the ones returning from botw, are STILL just as bad, i dont know if that can all be the fault of the actors, its so weird to me

and it makes it even harder for me to believe that people take this game as seriously as they do or as emotionally affecting bc a, if not THE, biggest part of the fandom is made up of english speakers who would probably never even think about trying a different language

...anyway, i needed to say that at some point)

[teabeexo]

Would you recommend Our life? Obviously this is a pretty stupid question but I’ve done some research on it and it seems pretty good!! Is there anything specific about the fanbase or plot I should know about it before I get it? :]

Hello lovely!! Yes, I would completely recommend Our Life! Even though a lot of the fandom has only played OL:NF, the OL game that is currently only out in a demo, I personally started with OL:BA and I do not regret it! If it gives you any perspective on how badly it had me in its grasp, I had over 300+ hours by April (and I bought it November of last year). All the characters are fantastic and very real. The representation in the game is also amazing. Words cannot express how much I love this game.

in terms of fanbase, and some might disagree with me here, it’s relatively stable. Actual arguments seem to be pretty small and contained. There was a big fandom shake recently with something that went down, which was one of the biggest fandom-wide ordeals I’ve seen while being in the community. I’m in the GB Patch Games discord, and most small spats there are dissolved before it can get too bad. This is speaking completely from personal experience, but I would say most of the hostility exists around characters (because there are some characters that people love, while others hate them), but it’s nothing that can’t be brushed off. GB Patch herself has handled issues, but the fandoms opinions on how they’re handled is up in their air. By that I mean, a lot of people have varying feelings. Im sorry if this is very vague, I just want to be broad because there truly are so many opinions and it’s hard to capture them all.

My experience has been very positive overall. One of my current closest online friends was made through this fandom (via the discord)! Most individuals are very kind and respectful, and the diversity in MCs is fantastic!! If you ever need/want to talk about your MCs (or just the game in general) with someone, I’m here! I love it <33

I’d say there’s not any particular warnings for either game — especially since one is incomplete. I’m aware that the details of Cove’s parents (OL:BA) can be triggering for some, or make them uncomfortable, but it’s not fully dived into until a Step 3 DLC moment, so it’s avoidable. One of the love interests, Baxter, also has canonically bigoted parents, but we never see them and Baxter does not hold their views whatsoever. For OL step one, there’s a lot of discussion of divorce and emotion distress that comes from that, so if that’s alarming just be wary!! OL:NF is very much mostly fluff and comfort and setting up characters right now, so if you decide to the play the demo I don’t think there will be any issues there.

It’s very possible there are things I missed, so if anybody else has things to add, feel free to!

IM SO GLAD YOURE INTERESTED AHH!! If you decide to play, I’d love to hear about it! If you want me to go more in-depth on anything, let me know and I will gladly do so. Consider giving the games a shot!! Thank you!

[therese-lokidottir]

So, this truly a great scene. The entire opening of Endgame is, in my opinion is fantastic because it really gets the characters. It fully understands what made Tony so intriguing in the first place. How he survives through connection with others and humor. It's not so much Tony making jokes to avoid reality, but him using wit to take what little control he can over the situation. And what's so great about the paper football scene specifically is seeing that humanity in Tony. Not only trying form a connection, but we see him show some genuine empathy. This whole thing is for fun, but he clearly sees a win is what Nebula needs.

Nebula, someone who presents herself so tough and angry all the time this is a great scene showing a quit vulnerability. Just playing a game is something she's never done, but she's trying so hard. She might have patched things up with her sister but being shown kindness and friendship are still such foreign concept to her she doesn't know how to react. Tony makes an effort to be nice and Nebula does repay that kindness both in turning down rations and placing a jacket on Tony when it seems like it's the end.

Both RDJ and Karen Gillan absolutely killed it.

What I find so frustrating is that there much about Endgame that annoys me, and I think is just terrible. I hate the endings they give to so many characters, I don't like so many of the tropes used and just the treatment of some characters is just insulting. I hate that the directors and writing show how competent they can be in the opening only to fumble it so hard elsewhere throughout the rest of the movie.

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

First off, I absolutely adore your in-depth analysis and fantastic understanding of the Hazbin characters!! not sure how much you've touched on this topic particularly, but I'd love to hear your take on it! (esp w/ its relevance in szn 2)

How do you interpret the past dynamic between Vox and Alastor? Do you think Vox was genuine, close friends with Alastor, or were there hidden agendas of any kind? Given just how much their ideals and *everything* clash in present day, im curious yet struggling to pinpoint what exactly what MADE them acquaintances (and as close as they are implied to have been), besides solely their connection to technology and entertainment media, before their inevitable fallout. did Vox reallyyy change that much during his time in Hell? (or was there always an underlying tension between them?) (also, just, what the hell happened between these two)

Awww thank you ❤️

So, when it comes to Vox and Alastor, I think what brought them together was their ambition. Both of them crave power, though they define it differently. In my headcanon, at the beginning, Vox was more like Alastor because he didn't have enough influence to be his perfect self. Starting from nothing was hard for him because, like most capitalism lovers, he had never experienced building from scratch. Even though Alastor was simply useful to him, whatever they had was real. But it wasn’t genuine, because Vox is a narcissist, and we often attune to others perfectly. He liked Alastor, so he portrayed himself as someone Alastor would also like. In Vox's mind, this was just a way of caring for their friendship.

Additionally, Alastor is a very guarded person, so he wasn't fully genuine either. He hid things from Vox and often manipulated him because he knew how much Vox cared. Alastor cared too—he saw Vox as a perfect addition to his friend group, someone he could see as an equal. Knowing how driven and ambitious Vox is, Alastor seriously hoped they could rearrange Hell together, get rid of all the Overlords, and make the game more interesting.

The first issue that arose was Vox's greed. He wanted to expand (I wrote more about him here), but not in a way that Alastor liked. This was the first time Alastor realized that Vox might want to overthrow the ruling class just to take their place. Vox tried to explain that it was completely different—overthrowing old money would give power back to the people, creating a perfect anarcho-capitalist utopia, the ultimate survival of the fittest—something he and Alastor both wanted.

They were just two friends who started with a common goal but eventually realized they had very different ideas about making it real. Think Charles Xavier and Magneto or Dumbledore and Grindelwald. They began to notice flaws in their plan. On paper, a society where anyone can achieve high social status through determination and hard work sounds very free, very much up Alastor's alley. But upon deeper inspection, they realized that capitalism cannot exist without oppression and surveillance. It’s just a matter of whether it’s the government or corporations doing it.

Tension grew, and at some point, they couldn't stand each other. Especially when feelings came into the equation. Alastor hated that Vox loved the idea of him. He knew they were completely incompatible, and Vox would never truly love him, so it felt objectifying to know that, in Vox's mind, he wasn't even a real person, just something Vox wanted him to be. On the other hand, Vox was terribly frustrated with Alastor not playing along with his fantasy. They could have become the most powerful couple in Hell, but Alastor rejected both his advances and his ideas. However, the toxicity worked both ways—Alastor felt betrayed by Vox, so he became unnecessarily cruel and neglectful, trying to punish Vox for being who he was.

Okay, I know this take is filled with my personal headcanons, but I think that canonically their relationship followed this pattern of alliance based on common goals and mutual (mis)understanding, eventually falling apart after realizing they actually wanted very different things.

Regarding its relevance in season two, I expect that we will learn their exact backstory. I hope that after years of feeding into hate and bitterness, they will escalate this conflict until there's nothing but scorched earth. Also, I think we will learn that Alastor does, in fact, care deeply—he hates Vox fiercely but hides it better.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

I think you are one of the first people I've seen on here that doesn't try to hate on one of the characters while writing them. I'm curious, how would the M6 handle an MC with very low self esteem? I suffer from it and would love to see what you come up with ❤️

The Arcana HCs: M6 with an insecure MC

~ this is one of four requests I've received for an MC who's insecure/has low self esteem - as someone who can completely relate, here are your headcanons my loves, I hope you can receive these affirmations from fictional characters knowing that they come from a very real person who adores you all - brainrot ~

Julian

Oh, he gets it

Sure, he never hesitates to ask for what he wants, but that doesn't mean he thinks he deserves any of it

He can recognize those moments of doubt in your eyes as soon as they appear, because he knows exactly what they feel like on his own face

Which makes his heart ache for you, he knows how crappy that feels and of all the people he knows you deserve it the least

Normally when this happens his instinct is to fawn over you to the point of becoming a public embarrassment

This usually works, but sometimes when you hit a rut like this you just need something to get you out of your own head and enjoy the life you've built for yourself

He's taking you dancing

It helps everything! Focusing on the motions gets you out of your head, it's a fantastic way to initiate some physical contact, and by the time you're worn out you've had too much fun to keep worrying

Once you've reached that point you're fair game for affirmations: what a lovely dancer you are, the way you move is breathtaking, how is he supposed to enjoy dancing without you again?

Asra

On one hand, their love for you is so unconditional that they have a difficult time understanding the source of your doubts

He would love you in any shape, with any name, with any identity. If it's you that's all that matters to him

Why are you worrying about certain details about yourself when none of them change who you fundamentally are?

On the other hand, they know perfectly well what it's like to doubt themself or feel lacking

Once you two are together it's less common for you to spiral because he doesn't let you go five minutes without giving you a boost of some kind

Every morning comes with a tidal wave of subtle compliments. They will flirt with you mercilessly and go out of their way to admire any specific thing about yourself that tends to be a sticking point for you

On the days when it does get bad, he'll pick a place or activity that brings out something he knows you like about yourself

You're a good singer? You're proud of your magic? They'll take you back to the cave to practice combining the two

So many kisses, everywhere, all the time

Nadia

She doesn't struggle with it in the same way, but you've met her family

Being the youngest in a large family of exceptional people, parents with public and demanding roles, and lots of big personalities leaves very little room for self-discovery and confidence

I mean it was bad enough for her to marry Lucio and leave Prakra

She's come a really long way, and been able to address the source of her insecurities, but she remembers what it was like

Her default is already to take every opportunity to fluster you, so even if it's not on purpose you never have to doubt her affections

But she makes being a Countess look easy, she has years of education and good upbringing on top of her natural talents, and you're a humble court magician who was relearning how to exist less than three years ago

She is committed to seeing you succeed in the Palace. She'll happily spend hours teaching you the ins and outs of diplomacy and etiquette in the most delightful ways

But she'll also make sure the two of you regularly visit your old haunts, simply to highlight the things you excel at that she doesn't and to prove to you that you two are truly equals

Muriel

You've seen him go wide eyed before, but one of the times that really sticks in your memory is the moment you casually told him that he could do a lot better than you

Until he met you, he went through life with a total of one (1) friend who had a crippling combination of wanderlust and attachment issues

The fact that he's able to have a relationship with you at all is a miraculous win in his mind

He knows he's not the best at expressing his feelings, but if it's your self-esteem on the line he will learn and he will do his best

The first time he hears you voice your insecurities he's dropping whatever he's doing and sitting next to you

He'll take your hand and wait, as patiently as you need him to, until you've told him everything that's bothering you

He's not the most eloquent person, but he knows the importance of responding to your doubts and he'll painstakingly address each one, out loud, telling you that it's not true and why

On a day to day basis, he makes a point of acknowledging all the ways you make his life better with little words or smiles or touches

Portia

She's a generally easy going person, she knows all her own faults and how to acknowledge and live with them

However, she has her own brand of low self-esteem and it fuels her workaholic tendencies

So much of her life has revolved around the people next to her being the main characters that she has a hard time seeing herself as having any relevance unless she's playing a support role

And then one day she hears you, the exciting, mysterious magician who turns every day into an adventure, casually question your own worth and relevance out loud

She has to process it for a moment before she can respond. Important people experience this too? This isn't in her novels

She'll ask you about it right away. What do you mean when you say that? Why do you think that?

Talking to you proves two things to her: that her own feelings do not make her unimportant, and that you are not as indestructible as she assumed you were

She'll write her favorite qualities down about you and have you do the same, and now you say your affirmations to each other every morning

Lucio

This guy had questioned himself maybe three times in his life before he met you

He thinks he's an above-average dude on his humbler days. He hates acknowledging his oopsies because the consequences scare him, not because he thinks they make him a bad person

He adores you, you keep the world in perspective for him, and he knows how important that and the way you've helped him grow is

But he subconsciously contributes to your struggles at first. Any unique trait is teasing material to him, it never occurred to him that the stuff he comments on might be sensitive for you

Until the day he notices you change your appearance and have a hard time responding to him

Why did you change your clothes to hide that part of your body? Why don't you take credit for your work any more? Why don't you believe him when he compliments you?

When you manage to tell him, he feels awful about it. He doesn't know what it's like to be insecure, but he does know what it's like to want somebody's approval and acceptance

It'll take a while, but he'll prove all the doubts he caused wrong and then tackle the rest. How is he supposed to shine without you as a light source anyway?

[sylvies-chen]

okay I’ve refrained from posting my thoughts on the ted lasso finale until now in the interest of making sure they’re expressed properly so that people understand how correct my opinions actually are. but I’m here and I’m queer and LET’S DO IT FOLKS:

TED LASSO FINALE THOUGHTS

THE GOOD:

Nate!! Nate was a timid, sweet note in this episode. It was such a gentle little reintegration of his character back into the team and seeing him get a secure happy ending after all that time of insecurity was the part of the episode that provided the MOST payoff. Seeing Nick Mohammed’s post about Nate and his family life and understanding how much he put into that character was so beautiful to see too. I adore actors who very publicly (and in a nerdy way) love their craft!

His conversation with Ted also made me cry like I have never cried before.

COLIN KISSED HIS FELLA AFTER A WIN!! Ugh such a beautiful payoff and full circle moment for him, I was truly squealing with joy <3

The team’s rendition of So Long, Farewell had me GIGGLINGGG oh my god, I’m a die hard Sound of Music fan so I loved it! I would have maybe liked a little more emotion from Ted, I felt like his reaction was kind of… meh? meek? but other than that the song itself was FANTASTIC.

Obviously I love that they won the game, duh

They also had a lot of really amazing and thoughtful callbacks in this episode, like Keeley’s parallel to her entrance in the pilot was great, Ted’s bbq sauce mantra, Nate leaping into Ted’s arms, the ussie guy, the winning play being the play from season 1. All of those little moments showed a strong attention to detail I truly loved.

I love that Rupert made HIMSELF unlikeable in the end. Rebecca didn’t need to ruin his life; she stopped caring and soon saw he was doing a perfectly fine job of doing it himself. Karma truly is Rebecca Welton’s boyfriend!! Or is it?

Jake the motherfucking client seducer over here turning out to be a total dud like yesss!! I don’t want Ted and Michele back together by any means but fuck that guy lol, glad to see she and Henry were getting sick of him

BELIEVE. 😭

Which leads me to…

THE BAD:

I know you all know I ship Tedbecca, but this is truly not coming from a shipper standpoint when I say that that first scene of them was absolute BAIT. It was pretty disappointing because I know Ted Lasso’s been prone to red herrings and fakeouts every now and then but I didn’t take it as a show that would truly bait their fans with something like that??

I don’t care if I’m biased, I don’t care if the writers were trying to be avant-garde with their ending for rebecca, I’ll say what I’m about to say a million times: writing off 1 of your 2 most main characters into a happy ending with a man whose name the audience doesn’t even know is literally never a good writing decision. I think this should be obvious.

I have no hate to Boat Guy, Rebecca’s whole thing with him was basically the plot of Before Sunrise + Before Sunset (all hail Richard Lanklater) if someone watched those movies and then tried condensing them into fifteen accumulated minutes of television

Keeley, Roy, Jamie… they did you three so fucking dirty my babes. Keeley you especially. I’m beyond disappointed, bordering on genuinely hurt, by how much they screwed up Keeley and all of her adjacent storylines this season.

I loved RoyKeeley so much in seasons 1 and 2, they had such a sweetness and a magic to them. There were so many elements like that to season 1 and 2 that I feel the writers gave up on in the name of growth or… honestly, at this point, I don’t know why they did this. Roy was a little insecure in seasons 1 and 2, but I never felt like he was needy. It felt so cruel to have shown us RoyKeeley in all of these moments of such stability, such healthiness, and such genuine love for so long and then rip it away for some version of Roy Kent that felt hollow, twisted, and who just Did Not Get It. It makes me so sad.

It makes me sad for Jamie too. Him falling for Keeley again was like the last thing I needed to see from his character. There’s so much else they could have done with him, and instead they took that beautiful moment of him being accountable and respectful with Keeley and the tape, and they turned it into something ugly: they had him weaponize it as a bargaining chip against Roy.

I don’t understand why they thought having our favs engaged in this very sexist outdated convo with such possessive language in the name of comedy was a good idea. I get it was poking fun at them but it was the kind of fun that shouldn’t have to be poked at by now. They’re not these men, I don’t recognize this version of them. It’s such a regression.

speaking of weird and uncomfortable shit being played off for laughs… beard and jane got married! ted wasn’t even there! she shredded his passport to keep him in captivity! how creepy! (see the joke is that they’re crazy and do toxic things to each other. you’re supposed to laugh.)

[silent-partner-412]

wait ok this same fic has in the author’s notes that they hate how alex’s eight heart event only happens in the summer and i could not agree more

it’s such a good event. it does so much for alex’s character, it’s one of the most emotional in the entire game, it’s just absolutely fantastic. and the timing of it is just awful if you’re trying to marry alex. i truly do not think this event makes sense unless you see it chronologically and before you start dating alex, and unless you are extremely diligent you’re probably not getting him to eight hearts before the end of year one summer. so if you want to marry him but still see this event, you’re either gonna have to go super goddamn slow and wait for the timing to make sense in year 2, or literally do nothing except feed him gifts in the first two months of the game (which is made even harder because his loved gifts are hard as fuck to come by).

i remember the file where i married alex, i got him to ten hearts and had him married before winter of year 1. but i don’t think i got him to eight hearts until fall, so i never saw his eight heart event. and that made the emotional impact of that whole storyline hit less hard. it was just sad, and makes me wish you could just see that event whenever.

[malinaa]

2023 WRITING REVIEW

tagged: no one i just wanted to do this and i forgot about it soz </3 tagging : board of directors i'd tag u here but this is mostly fic-based so sorree... anyway if u have already done this my b.... i wld like to see ur post tho @evcndiaz | @brimay | @usignedupforthis | @seek--rest | @posallys | @dustorangeheartssnowman | @adhd-merlin | @queerofthedagger

number of stories posted to ao3: 34 ±1 bc i updated a fic from a while back <3

word counted posted for last year: 90k... a feat (i wrote more but it was ofic so add like maybe 10k to that)

fandoms i wrote for: alex stern series, merlin, house md, pjo, spidey, hunger games, doctor who, & the grisha trilogy

pairings: merthur / arwen / mergwenthur / mergana, darlingstern, hilson, percabeth, petermj, everlark, tenrose, malina

stories with the most KUDOS: jealousy, jealousy (house md) with 522 <3 BOOKMARKS: except my life (merlin) with 137 <3 COMMENT THREADS: rip current (pjo) with 38 <3 *technically the answer to all of these is tested with torment but that's a fic i updated so i don't reallyyyyyy count it

work i'm most proud of (and why): thread of gold (arwen, bbc merlin) because i don't exactly post 2nd person fic and tbh most people HATEEEEE 2nd person fic AND i got people to enjoy it. HA!

work i'm least proud of (and why): coffee drinker (gen fic, bbc merlin) because it was just a promptfic and i didn't even really feel like posting it but i wrote it so i might as well yk?

share or describe a favorite review you received: any review that quotes a line but this one from judas kiss (arwen, bbc merlin)...

THIS. IS. WONDERFUL ❤️❤️❤️ *creates bookmark with gusto* I LOVE that you dug into what it might have been like for Gwen while she was under that enchantment! It was so creative to have her past memories blurring with glimpses of the present during the enchantment. I *felt* her disorientation, and it *hurt*. I felt so bad for Gwen all over again! 😭😭😭 That aspect of this story could have been a fantastic standalone one-shot in its own right, but noooo, you raised the bar and KEPT GOING and made it even better!!! I love that you showed Gwen and Merlin staying friends after Gwen becomes queen, and I love how she confides in him and how he immediately drops everything to go look for the offending piece of jewelry. The bit about Arthur’s incredulity at Merlin’s method of testing the enchantment was a great dash of humor, and I love that you fleshed out the concept of the enchantment to be something the others could experience so that they could truly *know* that Gwen had been innocent. And don’t even get me started on how much I love Arthur’s “Forgive me.” I love how he doesn’t think twice about humbling himself in front of everyone because his focus is solely on Gwen, consumed by the urgency of doing the right, honorable, and loving thing in that moment. You write Arthur and Gwen’s relationship so beautifully. 💕 Well done; I hate you (/affectionate) for all these feels. 🥰🫂👏

a time when writing was really, really hard: august through october... idek why i was literally in agony not writing

a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: writing jj in spider-man: homewrecker because i've NEVER written him before (in my memory) and i was like. Hello .

a favorite excerpt of your writing: cannae lie i have a few favs so... killing is a love language (mergana, bbc merlin) Heartbreak snakes up his throat, constricting him at the sight of her. Morgana’s beauty is incontestable even like this, but her hatred wore her down to her bones. Gone were the full cheeks and rosy lips, the perfectly combed hair, the wardrobe that would put princesses to shame. Now, her face is sunken in, her hair a curled storm, her dress is merely black rags at this point. thread of gold (arwen, bbc merlin) Your father’s presence is larger than life. Larger than love. It looms. It casts shadows long enough to hide every hope and dream you’ve ever had for yourself. the boy and the girl (malina, the grisha trilogy) Memory fractures into shards. Real or not real? There’s Mal in the meadow. Mal buried beneath the hanging tree. Mal cold in her palms. There’s a sky darker than night. Her hands bloodied. A knife lodged in his heart. Her knife. His blood. Her fault. She killed him. She loves him. Her fault. Rest her head on his still chest. Her fault. No heartbeat. Her fault. No warmth. Cold light spilling from her palms. She killed him. The Saint’s only true worshipper martyred.

how did you grow as a writer last year: my hopes from last year was that i finally finish a multichap fic.... 😭 does a short 3-shot count. besides that i wrote more consistently and i'm finally Used to my writing style. i think.

how do you hope to grow this year: hell if i know if i could write something longer than 20k that'd be great 😭😭😭😭

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc.): the board.... @rosesau / @bipercabeth / @stellwood fnh...... i'd tag katie but she absconded from tumblr smh. anyway hi freaks n geeks

anything from your real life show up in your writing last year: oh i don't even know. nothing ig

any new wisdom you can share with other writers: bro idek the more i write the more writing becomes fundamentally so hard to talk about ... sorreeee

any projects you're looking to starting (or finishing) this year: IF I DON'T FUCKING MAKE PROGRESS ON MY PLAY I WILL BASH MY HEAD INTO A WALL. THIS CAN'T KEEP HAPPENING. ATLAS AND VIVIAN YOU WILL BE WRITTEN ON THE PAGE INSHALLAH

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if the world of Twilight was just a simulation in The Matrix, with vampires being something the robots made up?

Which characters take the red pill to learn the truth, which take the blue pill to forget, and of those who do learn the truth, who cares enough to fight the robots?

(I'm particularly interested in Aro, Carlisle, Edward, and Bella having the rug pulled out from under their idea of reality)

I was going to say, that's a lot of characters anon, but alright let's do it.

Aro

Aro curses everything, he's been feeding fucking computers for 3500 years and put so much effort into it. Worse, he killed his sister over this nonsense. Turns out there was no need for her to die, none of it was real, and he killed her anyway over an illusion of a world.

Well, there's only one thing for it, Aro's signing up to fight the robots. While in the Matrix universe, they're in the illusion in part because mankind didn't due too hot and even if they didn't the earth is a toxic wasteland that can barely support life without the machines using them as batteries, it's the principle of the matter.

He gets out all his friends that he can and does... uh... not give them an option.

"Well, Caius, there's a red pill and there's a red pill. You'll be taking the red pill, of course."

Aro despises not having his gift and being a vampire but you win some and you lose some. And every time he enters the matrix he gets to be super powered again, so that's a minor win, even if he has to watch out for Agent Smith.

Carlisle

I imagine he also takes the red pill.

Carlisle's used to having his world turned upside down at the drop of a hat. He already went through this once, becoming a demon, and that was a personal crisis.

While this is terrible in its own way, I can't see him choosing to be ignorant.

Of course, unlike Aro, while he tells his family he gives them the option of staying or going and... well, that's an adventure in and of itself we leave there I think.

But I imagine the weirdest part for him would be leaving the matrix and discovering he's still human. He's always been human. He no longer thirsts for blood and can eat food.

The sad part is that the food is awful because earth is a desolate wasteland. So, he's effectively still on the cardboard animal diet.

Edward

Edward chooses to leave the Matrix and will never admit he regrets that decision. Edward wants to be a man who can face unpleasant truths about himself and the world head on.

However, what he finds is that he's an ordinary human, that he's not a hundred years old, that he can't read minds, that everything he thought made him important was a lie.

Edward's purpose, his very sense of self, has been yanked away from him and I can't see him handling that well.

I imagine Edward is tempted more and more back into the Matrix, wondering if a fake life is any worse than a real one, especially now that he knows the humans he killed were likely not real (they were real, Edward, you die in the game then you die in real life).

Deep thoughts are had on whether it's better to live in a flawed, dismal, impoverished reality or a fantastical dream.

Bella

Bella, like Edward, thinks she's a red pill kind of girl. She said yes to vampires, didn't she? However, Bella's even less cut out for the truth of earth than Edward is.

Here there's no vampirism to help her escape from being human, there's no material wealth of any kind but only terror and starvation as she's hunted by machines, Bella has no special gifts here of any kind and the Cullens she's with are miserable and depressed and all people she doesn't truly know given she was living in an illusion.

Everything Bella gave up humanity for isn't in this place.

Bella pretends to love it though, and to power through, because if she doesn't then the Cullens and Edward will hate her.

[yesjejunus]

I only have one truly grave complaint with bg3, which all things considered is fantastic, and I can't fault the game too much if this is all I have to moan about

this post contains MASSIVE spoilers for every single part of the game, including the VERY END, so if you haven't fully completed it, don't read this!

or do, I'm a sign, not a cop. But don't say you weren't warned!

Lae'zel. Oh my perfect warrior queen, how I love you. What I do not love is that every, and I mean EVERY single step of the way through the game, I consistently worked against her. From the moment I met the Emperor and took the astral tadpole, and straight up told him, IN FRONT OF HER, that I was cool with keeping Orpheus chained up for our safety, she never had anything more to say than vague complaints and threats.

She gets ( justifiably) upset in the end game when the Emperor saves you and you don't even have the hammer. She's angry when you agree to undergo full ceremorphosis, but ultimately doesn't act against you. You literally change into a full blown illithid and CONSUME ORPHEUS'S BRAIN IN FRONT OF HER, as she's shouting at you that she's going to rend both you and the Emperor limb from limb... and then in the end tells you that she'll fight the Netherbrain with you, but after that she's done.

And she is. You destroy the Netherbrain, everyone is happy, Lae'zel comes up to tell you that she'll fondly remember your travels but that she must leave.

LARIAN STUDIOS, WHY. I felt such a tremendous amount of guilt (wonderful guilt!) throughout the entire game. Because I KNEW she must hate me so much for following the Emperor every step of the way, for never questioning him, for being as perfect a puppet as any master could wish to have. And it was so gratifying that in the end the Emperor really is on your side and quite thrilled to have an equal companion... but Lae'zel. You were done so unfathomably dirty that you never even once tried to behead me for so openly, and CRUELLY, throwing the foundations of your faith, your entire reason for BEING, in your face. It's my only true disappointment in an otherwise amazing character and game.

but hey on the other hand, love wins!

genuinely massive props to Larian Studios for letting me fall in love with a mindflayer and have a happily ever after with him. In a lifetime of consistently falling for unromanceable characters, this one was worth waiting for 😩

[inpursuitofnunchi]

I'm still on the Lee Do Hyun obsession train and i just finished The Glory. And oooof, What. A. Ride.

I think i have a thing for watching good people do bad things. And i love sweet puppy faces indulging in absolutely unhinged sociopathic behaviour (looking at you Yeo jeong).

This show had such a crisp and gripping storyline, there were very few dull moments. The nonlinear storytelling really worked in its favour, snippets of the past revealed at perfect moments. Even though it's a dark, disturbing revenge drama, there were SO MANY character dynamics that had my heart:

1. The OTP of course, Dong eun and yeo Jeong. They were what looks like the grim reaper x golden retriever trope on the surface but both hurting victims of violence underneath. It is slowly revealed why they're fated to be in each other's orbit, but even in the process of the unraveling, it is believable. I love them together, i love how silently unhinged they are, i love how they love each other and i love how they get to end up together, happy in each other's company, able to confess their feelings.

2. Imo-nim and Dong eun: their relationship made me cry. They both made each other so happy and although it was meant to be just a professional relationship, it was truly so much more. It was a kind of sisterhood that dong eun had never had in life, perpetually betrayed. It made me so happy that her daughter got out and i hope that someday she gets to go the US and be with her daughter and have the lovely dinner she always dreamt of.

3. Do yeong and Dong eun: ooooof, these two. SO. MUCH. CHEMISTRY. simply over a game of Baduk?? These two were impossible. Yeo jeong was right to be jealous/insecure coz the daddy energy in this dude was off the charts. I think dong eun unlocked something in do yeong that he didn't know existed and once he acknowledged it he found his lie of a happy life disintegrate like a house of cards. Doesn't help that he was married to an actual psychopath, evil incarnate, pathological liar who would leave no stone unturned to protect her ass.

4. And finally do yeong and ye sol: the best dad-daughter relationship ever. The little girl was too cute and i was surprised she wasn't insufferable thanks to her mom. She had more of a moral compass/spine than the entire group of bullies and their families put together. Glad to see her to fly out of the dumpster fire, hand in hand with her appa, shining that bedazzling smile. 💃

What a great show, overall. The villains were truly hate-worthy and it made my heart full to see their ends. Each one of them was insufferable, and glad they got what they deserved. The good people gave you hope in this otherwise dreary plot and they got happy endings! So much yes for that! This show is a win for everyone involved and especially for Song Hye kyo who had not really impressed me with her acting until now. She did a fantastic job as dong eun and i hope she continues to do challenging roles in the future!

[pinkomcranger]

I agree with you about Saga! I personally don't ship Andercasey (no hate to people who do, of course! You're all great and your creations are fantastic <3) but I love love love their platonic relationship! It's so great to see male/female platonic relationships represented in media, and their relationship is fantastic (whether you like it platonic like me, or romantic!). Saga in general is such an amazing character and it's sad to see how the fandom treats her. I know this is a usual pattern in fandoms in general, not just with AW - people ignore the women (of course, woc even more so!) in general, no matter how interesting they are, just to focus on the (white) men. I do like Caseywake personally, since I find the dynamic interesting, but I don't like, ship-ship it very hard, I find it intriguing. But whether people do or don't, it's sad to see they also can't give focus to Saga and acknowledge she's her own person. They make her a prop in other people's relationships. It just sucks. Why are women always the backdrop and props to mxm relationships?? In general I find it sad that people are so quick to only value romantic love - not that there is anything wrong with shipping. Usually I'm a big shipper as well. But bc shipping is such a huge thing, then they can use the excuse of "I only like Saga and Casey platonically, but I don't write platonic things, and Saga doesn't have any interesting romantic pairings to make for her if it's not Andercasey so I just don't write her!!" And it sucks so bad. I wish this fandom was different but unfortunately it follows this very old pattern of a fandom. :(

I think everyone in every fandom needs to do some self-reflection on why they ALWAYS ignore the female characters and poc. It's always been a problem and unfortunately continues to be.

Oh, you absolutely do not have to ship Andercase romantically. It's perfectly fine to see them as platonic, it can arguably be said they were written that way! Their relationship is beautiful however way you see it. Their chemistry was off the charts, Melanie and James/Sam made sure of that!

Platonic m/f relationships do make me happy, and personally, that's Alan/Saga for me. Nary a hint of romance or even surface level attraction, and I'm here for that.

Now, putting my personal ships aside, you're very correct. In fandom, women and WOC especially get ignored to place more focus on the white men. And I've never understood that in this day and age, when women and WOC are finally starting to get the recognition we deserve. What's the point in this?

You can very much ship your fav men, while also including the woman, especially if she was such a big part of the source material. It's very egregious when it comes to Saga, considering she's the deuteragonist. She gets equal writing and treatment, in fact, I would go so far to say that if the series WASN'T called Alan Wake, Saga would be the protagonist.

There's truly no reason to ignore Saga when she drives the story we get. Alan himself admits, with no hesitation, no anger, that he needs Saga. So to see the fandom essentially go "that's nice you feel that way, Alan, but I don't need her beyond propping!" leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

You can't even give a good case of "I CAN'T create for Saga shipping-wise, there's nobody to ship her with outside of Casey!" There's her husband (and I know that's difficult considering we don't even get so much as a glimpse of him, and that's interesting to me, but that's a topic for another day), there's Rose, there's Tim, there's Ahti, there's Estevez, there's even Alice. Saga has just as many options as Alan.

And there's no excuse to ignore her in another pairing. You can EASILY write CaseyWake without using her as a prop, or just an aside to say "see? I remember she was in the game!" Where are the ensemble fics? Why can't she be written with all of her characteristics and agency that was she given in-game? Does a black woman who isn't a stereotype that uninteresting or frightening to the general content creators?

Again, this isn't something new to just Saga in this fandom. Alice suffered from it the most, by virtue of being the most important woman in the previous games. And she got pushed aside for ScratchWake. But with the release of AW2, she's been given more love, I've seen more fics for her, I've seen quite a few Alan/Casey/Alice fics. Which also tells me that fandom finds it easier to write for a white woman than a black woman.

There really isn't anything I can do about that, I can't FORCE anyone to relate to Saga in the same way I do. I know there's difficulty writing for WOC, there's difficulty relating to them personally if you're not one. But again, in this day and age, when we're being shown more on the big screen/small screen, in books and video games, there's truly no excuse.

POC in general are still nowhere close to being represented as much as white people, but seeing a character like Saga so well written, so wonderfully portrayed, so loved by her creators get ignored for the basic white men, while this same group of people claim they're tired of decades of white men being the focus but continue to personally make them the focus, shows an extreme case of hypocrisy and covert racism, because again, there's no excuse.

I understand the fixation on fictional and FBI Casey. There's so much we're not shown, that we can fill in the blanks and easily fit it into canon. But at the same time, you can do the exact same thing with Saga, because we're NOT shown or told everything about her and her life.

I want this fandom to be better and do better. Like you said, all fandoms need to take a good, hard look at doing some self-reflection. Don't choose to ignore the beautiful women we're given just because they don't fit your narrative.

[collectorcookie]

fandom/game vent

tw: csa

Uuugghgggh. Idk why but nothing feels right lately.

On one hand, the enstars fixation died down A LOT. Great for my bank account tbh, i don't wanna spend another cent on gacha games. My brain is free🎉🎉🎉

And rather than feeling this pressure of "omg i must grind new events and get new cards" or "omg there are so many event stories i missed out on" or "i must grind every single new song on all difficulty levels for dia" i just. Don't do that anymore lol. I actually just play the songs whenever i actually feel like playing any and i read only the stories that actually interest me. Which definitely aren't a lot tbh. (still waiting on that knights climax tl) but yeah i'm basically reading 0 stuff from engstars.

So if you wanna break free from a gacha game sucking your soul, I think the reason why the enstars fixation died down so much for me is a combination of

burning myself out trying to get cards

getting bluetooth headphones (which basically make it impossible to play the game with headphones)

turning the BP game notification off

Engstars TLs getting worse than fan TLs

Obviously i still have basic but since i can't read japanese, i can't stress myself over reading new stories because i can't read anything at all. Yaaaay. I have evolved into a casual player.

Now. On the other hand. The new fixation. My beloved wizards. Mahoyaku.

I'm gonna be so honest, i kinda hate it here.

Don't get me wrong, i love the game, i love the story, i love the characters. But the fans. The fans man.

Like with enstars fandom, i started out with tumblr, and sure, i had to occasionally block some people and filter out some stuff, but that was it. That was enough for me to be able to chill and actually be comfortable in the enstars fandom space on tumblr.

Now, there are basically no mhyk fans on tumblr. Ok fine. Guess i'll go on twitter instead. So i made a twt account.

I truly cannot explain to you how much i should not have done that.

Like, ok, LOTS MORE fanart which is great. Fantastic. Lovely. However, a lot of proshippers. Many many proshippers. Like i do not have that much experience in fandom spaces in the first place but i swear the amount of proshippers is disproportionately large in mhyk fandom, on twt at least.

Ok another warning for talk about csa if you somehow didn't catch the one above

I think it's obvious from my blog here alone how much i like northfam, especially Snow and White. To be so honest, Snow and White were the biggest hesitation for me to NOT get into mhyk because we all know the "child looking character is actually over 2000 y.o." is NEVER handled well in fiction. Well, i ended up reading mhyk anyways, and to my relief, s&w's child forms do not get sexualized ever. Thank god.

But like mentioned before, this is not the case for the fandom. Not only do i always end up finding people shipping s&w together, but also many other of my faves, like oz and arthur (foster father and son) or mitile and figaro (student and teacher). Which i do not want to see ever, and the thing with twt is, you can't tag and filter stuff like on here. And even after being on twt for...idk how many months, i STILL end up seeing stuff i would like to stay 4869761093 lightyears away from.

I've been trying to do everything, from blocking to muting words to clicking the three dots on each individual post i don't want to see for the "please don't show me stuff like this". AND IT STILL HAPPENS.

Idk man...as a csa survivor myself it feels so hopeless...like is it really worth it here if i'll just keep finding stuff that triggers me? Is it worth meeting new people and constantly being on edge if this new fan thinks being proship is ok?

I really did like making fanart for fandom purposes, it made me draw a lot more, but between my dying interest in enstars and mhyk fandom thinking the stuff that has and will put me in therapy for decades is hot. I don't feel like interacting with fandom that much anymore ngl....and that makes me genuinely sad. Idk maybe this is a depressive episode that will go away but i feel so tired for now....hobbies are supposed to be fun....

[thelongestway]

Dawn: Trailed

Now that the spoiler embargo is gone, well...

This is probably my favorite expansion. On par with, if not better than, HW (My personal rating otherwise goes HW>ShB>Ew=Sb=Arr). I went through it without reading anything about others' experiences, and you can imagine my surprise about the incredibly mixed reception!

I was even more surprised, because I was going in very burnt out on FFXIV, and had really been expecting to go in and say "eh, this was ok, sure, but nothing special."

Instead, I got exactly what I wanted or, dare I say it, even needed. That is to say, this:

So this review is going to be reflecting over the type of story this is and what made it so appealing to me specifically.

Tons of spoilers below the cut!

What I thoroughly enjoyed about Dawntrail:

the "not my circus, not my monkeys" vibe

the worldbuilding

the pacing

And I think these things are related. But let's start with the pacing.

My usual way of playing is "do story, do available sidequests as they pop up, a couple of fates along the road, etc". I usually wind up with a class fully leveled and a class half-leveled by the end of the story. My WoL is very thorough and meticulous, and a firm believer in "get the lay of the land" first.

In most previous expansions, that meant there were spots where I went stir-crazy, because something about that flow didn't click; there were many places I was bored but also did not want to skip things, because while it felt bad to do them immediately, it would feel even more out of place to do them later. To wit: Moogles HW (even though I loved the crafter quests later), Ruby Sea SB, Twine etc ShB, Ultima Thule EW (yes, not Labyrinthos part 2 - sorry my friends, I love insane academics, while Ultima Thule really, really did not hit for me).

This was not the case in DT. There wasn't a single moment I felt truly bored. And specifically I enjoyed the vibe that you can come and go at any moment - the fact that the succession isn't really your problem helps with this a lot. This is why the amount of Wuk Lamat didn't particularly bother me - my WoL just went "oh, fantastic, any fallout is your problem, not mine - I'm just here to see the sights and talk to people". He got to have a good night's sleep without being interrupted, for gods' sake - unheard of!

On a player level, this worked wonderfully, because I hate it when writers try to raise the stakes by making it personal. Usually, I have a very visceral reaction to that, which is primarily "you do NOT get to decide what makes it personal for me", and I can count the number of times that kind of bait worked for me on one hand. In FFXIV specifically, Haurchefant and Ysayle in one expansion - and never again (although should anything happen to the twins, yeah, that'll work). Having another character take the brunt of "this has to be personal For Them" is really one of my favorite vibes. That said, I'm very much a worldbuilding-over-story girlie. Give me a world to muck around in, and I'm happy. And if I don't feel punished for taking my time, this becomes even better - I detest time-based long-term gameplay, I have enough of that IRL. Which means that for me, the vibe of this whole expansion was "excellent, I've got an excuse to be here - oh, we're moving on? You go on, I'll catch up". The last time I felt like this was really in HW, while the resolution to the Monetarist plot was brewing in the background. "Yeah, we can't really go back to our three home states for long. Great - let's explore the floating islands and see what the deal with the Dragonsong war is. We've got nothing but time." In both expansions, giving me time to fool around let me develop a personal connection - not to the characters, to the space. And by the time the plot picks up, I am hooked.

So aside from being my favorite type of worldbuilding, the feeling that "the plot is on pause and I have time to breathe" is unironically one of my favorite things in games, and what lets me feel like I've been relaxing while playing a game. And, well, I really needed a vacation from IRL bullshit, and I got just that.

It was one heck of a surprise for me to see that's not the case for most other players. To showcase this, I actually quite enjoyed one of the most controversial storytelling moments - which was "you've found the City of Gold! ...Now before you go in there, the current ruler needs to inform their successor about the bullshit going on down there, and you're not invited". My WoL's reaction was an amused "yeah, sure, I'm not in a rush - we'll get there (not that you can stop me from poking my nose in). Now, what else did you say was here? Xak Turaal?"I know a lot of other players got thrown out of the illusion of verisimilitude here; for a lot of people, the pacing here felt like a jarring stop. For me, though, it felt like breathing space; like a promise - there's no rush, we'll get there. Take your time, relax. It was like the game said "yeah, I see the load you carry normally. You don't have to for a few hours". And that was great.

It was the same with Wuk Lamat. The big cat wants all the bullshit I hate? She can have it, and my gratitude with it! The only time my WoL felt irked with her was the "invitation to be part of her government" - but even that moment was basically fixed immediately by the WoL's reaction! Which is: you stare at Wuk Lamat silently - silently even for the WoL, no gestures or implied responses, she sheepishly goes "you don't have to answer now... also I got you that pass to Xak Tural I promised?.." Only then do you smile. And you have the option of basically turning around after that and walking directly into Xak Turaal without talking to anyone except Erenville, which I found appropriate and more than a little hilarious. Finally, much later, Wuk Lamat even goes "ok, yeah, I get it now, the invitation was kinda stupid, sorry" - which is a big Point for her in my WoL's eyes.

And you get to just walk away! And there are no problems arising from that! And you walk into Shaaloani, doubling down on the "nope. I am On Vacation. Nothing but the wind and the vibes", and it was exactly what I wanted and needed. And then, after Shaaloani, once I've thoroughly relaxed, the plot picks up! I've had my rest, and now I get to do shit! 10/10 hit in the personal preferences, no notes.

All of this would've been enough to bring DT on par with HW and above ShB (which had the "new world exploration" down pat, but was also much more inconsistent in its pacing for me). But what brings it really... Above HW for me was the last zone. Because that zone hit stuff I'd been needing to have a good cry about, and I spent 8 hours doing just that: reading through and sobbing.

Now, this was a very personal hit in the themes. I mean, it was mostly coincidence that it hit that hard. But it was what I needed.

Dawntrail is an expansion that has two main themes: vacation (break, pause, freedom) and death. Death, while always present as an FFXIV theme, here is discussed specifically in the aspect of "leaving behind stuff for others to take care of". These two themes are bundled in extremely neatly, you keep going back and forth between them, and they reach a crescendo in the last zone, which is a memorial disguised as an amusement park; a memorial whose paperclip-optimizer managing AI was about to try and kill everyone it could reach in order to keep that memorial's lights on. So you walk into a deteriorating attempt to make the "between-space" of vacation last forever, and then you turn that vacation into death, and that comes as a relief.

I won't go into the IRL bullshit that made me cry over this. But the mix of "you can't capture happiness in a gilded cage" and also "you cannot exist in that liminal space where you temporarily leave your burdens - you shouldn't try to actually live there", and finally "someday you will have to leave your burdens to someone else, and you will never solve everything forever" - yeah, I needed that. I needed a good ghost story right now, and I didn't know I did. So the last zone hit insanely hard, and I loved it.

And it hit all the harder because the focus wasn't on me. For contrast, Ultima Thule was my least favorite zone of EW. It was a total, absolute miss for me - the exact kind of "the writers are trying to make it personal" that I hate. I think I have the exact feeling about Ultima Thule that most people have about Dawntrail: if the plot had been moved a few steps to the side, I would've enjoyed it - say, have the Scions lean into "we're building a bridge, and whoever gets to the end will have to handle the rest. WoL, though - you're gonna have to be the last one to go, we need you to bring us back. Let's walk into this with our eyes open" rather than into the "sacrifice" aesthetic. But they didn't, and it didn't hit for me. I felt sort of numb and irritated throughout.

Meanwhile, Living Memory - and its focus on a bunch of NPCs I didn't know, and then Krile, and then Erenville and Cahciua - let me experience what I needed to experience without also feeling like the writers are dragging the requisite emotion out of me with pliers. For once, playing through the story as a Black mage was amazing - I was very much "okay, time to put on my thaumaturge ritual robes and hold a funeral". It was a somber feeling, but also it felt like it should.

And then you get a multidimensional key out of it! And you end 7.0 alone, looking at a map with the key in your posession, and you can see the gears turning in your WoL's head as they plan... That's my personal perfect ending.

As a result, this expansion made me reflect very heavily on my own personal preferences on pacing and plot, and how the niche that I inhabit is probably smaller than I thought. Things that are absolute dealbreakers for other people are barely blips on my radar; while things that are absolutely monumental to me often go unnoticed. Good stuff to know for a writer - and I'm very grateful for getting a story that was written so close to what I like.