#fandom life is pretty difficult sometimes

[seventeenlovesthree]

You know, one thing about getting older, at least for me, is the realization that keeping up that whimsical spirit is hard. Very hard.

I have spent the past four years trying to maintain routines in regards to self-care and, while it worked out well for a period of time, the "noise" out there is very persistent to break your habits. By "noise", I don't just mean the world out there, the constant stream of social media providing you with news and tragedies, a ruthless algorithm that is very hard to avoid if you're seeking that little serotonin streak out there. Yes, I agree that our attention spans have been pretty much messed up and that it's VERY difficult to get back to some... Quiet.

That's why the noise basically refers to everything - your social life, family, friends, partners, acquaintances, colleagues, all the people out there, but also the things you surround yourself with. Habits, food choices and sleeping rhythms, once again, the media you consume while trying not get consumed by it...

I keep going on about how I had re-started drawing back in 2021 after a rough 10-year-break in which I simply didn't feel like drawing at all. I was occupied with other things during time - and if you're familiar with my tumblr, you know that that's been heavily related to football. I loved my clubs, I loved by NT and for the longest time, I could get by despite the set-backs and bad developments surrounding it. Right now I am staring at my PC and am slowly but steadily realizing that basically all the players that led me towards football have retired. Either just from the NT or completely. There are players, relatable figures, people I (used to) look up to, that inspired me, that brought be through the day, week, month, year. It was a fun time. But then the "noise" took over. The people I rambled with ended up just as frustrated and left. Only a few of them are left, but the majority - me included - has moved on to other things. Why? Because it had become too draining, too negative. The bubble had popped, several figures in the business had turned out to be unbelievably "bad people" (I'll keep this PG), things were so commercialized, unfamiliar and just... Opportunistic. The "whimsical spirit" was so hard to maintain and even if this Summer provided a little spark, it still feels alienating. There is still a glimpse of hope, but, again, you REALLY have to hold onto that.

The same goes for my other "fandoms" to be honest. Don't get me wrong, I still have fun sitting in my little corner and draw, write and create little things - even if it's mostly for myself, sometimes I do wonder why interactions have become so scarce. The atmosphere on social media is incredibly... Empty sometimes. I'm not just saying that because a lot of people have not grasped the reblogging system on this site. You may have heard the concept of people being overexposed by the neverending stream of art, "content" being thrown at them from all sides... It's become more of a product to consume than a thing to look at and enjoy and savour. And I feel that myself. I used to save fanart to my phone and computer and find myself looking at it countless times. I still do that with several art pieces, but... I assume it's because the brain has become somewhat tired that we cannot appreciate it like we used to.

Everything is just... Happening too fast and I feel like I need to have a detox every now and then. My brain still craves the serotonin of seeing new, beautiful art. But to get there, I have to get through a sea of things that get me anxious. Even with filters, even with blocking things I don't wanna see... It's not the same.

The same also applies to media in general - I'm currently in a fandom of a series that's kinda "walking on air". There is the possibility of a new animation being planned out there somewhere, somewhen, maybe... But a part of me isn't even sure if I want something "new". Consider myself "old" when I say this, but a lot of things that come out these days, sequels, reboots, remakes of things I used to enjoy as a kid... Simply don't hit the same way anymore. There's a reason why I find myself rewatching the old stuff over and over again and often have quite a mixed relationship with more recent things. EVA is one of the few franchises that, in my opinion, managed to get to a satisfying ending after ALL these years, but I am TERRIFIED for the new Madoka movie. I haven't even dared to look at Sailor Moon Cosmos, simply because I know my brain is tainted by how much enjoyed the 90s anime and how much of a clusterf*ck Crystal/Eternal/Cosmos has been for the past ten years... On the same note, do we really need a One Piece remake? And Digimon? I would loathe the idea of an Adventure remake... Because it would not only contradict the messages of the previous entries of the series; move on but keep the things you love close to you... It would simply not... Satisfy me. A part of me wants to see how the OG timeline goes on, but what if there'll be things to contradict it all even more? Do I want things to go on for the sake of keeping the nostalgia alive, even though the fear of mischaracterizations is very real? Do I really want the milking of the cash-cow to continue? To hunt for breadcrumbs? The commercialisation and... Opportunism? And why does it feel like I've heard that before...?

I don't want to end this post on a negative note. I'm gonna turn 34 in a few weeks, I've been into TV shows and had my hyperfocus topics basically since I was like 7 or so. I might always find things that keep the whimsical spirit alive to some degree. But I need to remind myself to not let the "noise" get too loud every once in a while.

[psychemochanight]

Dick being neurodivergent, because why not? (Am I projecting myself onto my hyperfixation character of the moment? Absolutely).

Dick finds the weirdest possible positions to be absolutely comfortable. We already talked about how he likes to hang upside down, but besides that, he's always sitting in a strange way.

Bruce doesn't have any opinion on any of this, but sometimes wonders if Dick is trying to give himself some kind of cramp. The others just wonder if the boy has actual bones.

Bruce thought Dick couldn't be a picky eater, but he's totally wrong. Alfred taught Dick to cook because he knows that if he depended solely on food prepared by other people, the boy would starve. (Worse is when they discover that if they don't remind him, this guy won't eat at all. He just totally forgets that humans need food).

He also taught him other things for sensory issues that he doesn't want to acknowledge. (Yes, there are ways to keep his sheets soft enough, to prevent his shirts from getting lint, even cleaning the slab so it doesn't have weird textures).

Bruce always purposely gave him more work than he needed to do, otherwise he would never get the boy to concentrate. Nothing too difficult, he didn't want to overburden him yet, but seriously, even if he liked math, he would never sit down for more than 10 minutes to do his homework. Organizing his tasks didn't always work, but a deadline? It was his best strategy. Even out of ten minutes, eight were just him thinking about something else and only two to complete the job, he would complete it anyway.

(He never gives him the same task twice in a row. God knows that will never be complete. Have you seen how many jobs this man has? He can't stay in one place for more than a few months).

His thoughts also jump from one situation to another as much as he jumps on rooftops when he is on patrol. Bruce never understands his line of thinking, but it is extremely helpful in solving cases.

Despite appearing extroverted, Dick was still more of an ambivert, sometimes even seeming more introverted, he's just not that shy. His social battery runs out pretty quickly, even if he pretends it doesn't. He still needs time to himself in order to move on, and as a child his best way of pointing this out to Bruce was by hiding under tables in a dark place, or instead, climb to the highest places, farthest from people. Bruce learned that although Dick was used to the noise of people, he was used to seeing it from above, not in the middle of the crowd.

It's not that he's non-verbal, but there are still days where just talking is a no-no. As a child he had better control, but as an adult he just doesn't want to talk, and he's not going to talk.

Weighted blankets? Yes please. Noise cancelling headphones? He would love to, but he is too paranoid to completely isolate himself from his surroundings. (If his friends notice that his leg is bouncing more than usual, they assure him that they will keep watch and ask him to wear his headphones for a while, if they need to talk to him they use sign language).

He also has blackout curtains. And we all know his comfort object is a stuffed elephant, come on. (I love the fandom for this idea. Give the guy his stuffed elephant, give him Zitka.)

Yes, Dick, people have hobbies, but normal people don't change hobbies after mastering them once, much less change them every three days. No, gymnastics is no longer your hobby at this point, it's literally your life.

A special interest falls short when you spent a week without sleep to continue researching your new hyperfixation.

[year2000electronics]

wow. four years old huh. i'll keep this part short but sappy rant under the readmore! happy four years!!

it feels like just yesterday when i watched this series on a whim because my friend kept making jokes about my ocs with hlvrai quotes and then it was so funny and engaging that it pulled me out of a months-long depressive slump... feels like just yesterday that my work was finally being seen by people, yesterday that the summer of 2020 was one of the most interesting summers ive ever had, yesterday when the 2020-2021 school year ended up being one of the most difficult times of my life and hlvrai really helped me get through it. without exaggeration this series has changed my life

yeah we all may have had ups and downs, like a LOT of downs, but ill always consider hlvrai to be very special to me, not just because i love it but because it represents so many good things to me: friends joking around having fun, friends carrying their past experiences with them (gmod rping, an affinity for extensively-planned bits, jokes that could ONLY be made by rtvs with each other, you get it), and how the best things often come from happy accidents, from people who DARE to CARE, because hlvrai is good because theyre not afraid to be silly! theyre not afraid to be stupid and sincere and ridiculous!!

and the most inspiring part to me has always been that hlvrai wasnt made to chase any trends. it didnt come in the wake of anything, it was made, and then after it was made, rtvs pretty obviously made it clear that they wouldnt let their lightning-in-a-bottle series box them in. like everyone on the team is very strongly against ppl being parasocial to them, they dont let people beg them for the funny half life info and references, all that. as a creator its cool to see people doing what they love and not succumbing to any pressure algorithmically or otherwise, especially during the lockdowns, when a lot of other streamer-based fandoms cropped up that had a VERY big 'encouraging being parasocial' problem. its always been nice to have a web series thats just one of many awesome things rtvs has done

hlvrai was everything i could have ever asked for and more, and me myself i was perfectly content with just having the standalone series forever, because sometimes a standalone thing is all you need. but with hlage, bbvrai, and hl2vrai being announced, im still so happy to be here and so happy that i get to keep enjoying one of my favourite pieces of media <3

[cpvnksabm]

Things I Think RTC Did Well In Disability Rep (in 2016-2018 scripts)

exactly what it says in the title. i'm not touching on the pre-2016 scripts because i dont know enough about them and i'm not talking about the 2022 script changes for obvious reasons.

disclaimer, this is all my own opinion as one disabled person, other people may feel differently and that's fine.

Ricky's disability in general

Ricky is a young person who uses mobility aids. He can't talk, implicitly due to dysarthria. He has a degenerative disease, specifically a rare disease which is heavily implied to be neuromuscular. And it's stated outright that his disease is lifespan-limiting and that he's dealt with his own mortality in life.

And all of these things are very underrepresented!

I'm not going to claim that all of these things were explained perfectly or explored in detail in the canon. But just having them on-stage, in my opinion, is a big deal in itself. And it's also a big deal that Ricky is a main character, who has the same character depth as the abled characters, when so many characters like him are reduced to ableist props for other characters' story arcs.

I understand there's been some confusion about the specifics of ricky's disability, in the fandom. And I know part of the confusion comes from the fact that the script didn't explain everything, and glossed over most of the details. But honestly? The fact that so many RTC fans didn't initially understand parts of his disability - such as the fact that it's likely neuromuscular, or the fact that his inability to speak is implied to have a physical cause - just makes it more important that these things were represented on-stage in the first place. They're so underrepresented, little-known, and poorly-understood that many people don't pick up on them even when they are represented!

Just showing these underrepresented disabled experiences on-stage has potential to help a lot of disabled people feel seen, which matters.

Ricky as a victim of ableism

Okay, this one might be controversial, but i'm speaking from the heart here.

Ableism is a huge part of Ricky's backstory and character - the whole Zolar thing is stated to be a coping method to deal with isolation & cruelty. Throughout the musical Ocean infantilizes him in dialogue, and in her song she argues point-blank that he has no reason to be alive due to his disability. The rest of the choir aren't perfect either - sure, nobody else says anything ableist, but they're all bystanders to Ocean's overt ableism, nobody really holds her accountable or acknowledges that what she's saying is fucked up. On top of that, Ricky says after his song that nobody listened to him while he was alive which, combined with the whole choir being shocked upon learning about his deeper thoughts, pretty clearly implies that they all ignored him previously.

And it's so fucking realistic.

Look. I'm not saying that Ocean's ableism was ever handled perfectly in canon. I am saying that when I saw a post-2022 production with the able-bodied Ricky script, I got a sinking feeling in my gut when we got to *that* part of WTWN and I realized the ableist lines had been removed/replaced. Because facing ableism is a huge part of my disabled experience that I barely ever see even acknowledged in media, let alone represented accurately, and the more I face ableism in real life the more I feel I can relate to Ricky, and that is so important to me.

Depicting bigotry in fiction is always difficult to do right - it's a rough balance between "this is not okay and we should not imply that it is" and "many people believe this is okay, wrongly, and that needs to be shown accurately". Sure, you can make it so the antagonist character is overtly ableist and every sympathetic character explicitly says "I do not agree with your ableist views!" and that way it's 100% clear that the ableist actions are wrong. But real ableism isn't just like that. Sometimes real-world ableism is a group of perfectly nice people who just never think about the disabled kid, or how he's doing or whether someone should talk to him, because they've been taught to ignore him. And sometimes it's a girl who swears to God that she's a good person, who considers herself an ally, whose voice stays sweet and kind as she switches between talking to her disabled classmate like he's 5 years old and claiming he doesn't deserve to live.

I think the brutal honesty of ableism in RTC is important. Yeah, it's pretty fucked-up when you think about it - Ocean openly sings about why Ricky shouldn't live, every ableist character is presented sympathetically, nobody is ever actually held accountable for ableism on-stage - and that's just like real life. I'd like to think that it could act as a wake-up call to some abled fans, who are similar to Ocean (+ others) and who could learn to understand the flaws in their worldview when they realize you're not supposed to agree with what she says in WTWN. But even more importantly than that... it makes me feel seen, in a way that I couldn't feel if Ricky's experiences with ableism weren't shown so realistically.

SABM, like, all of it

Do I even need to explain this? Disabled person has a whole furry-themed musical number. That's cool as fuck. God I wish that were me.

Okay, seriously. I think SABM is wonderful and important for a number of reasons. Like all of the character songs, it's important for expanding Ricky's character - not only is it a main glimpse into his interests, but it sets up for us to learn more about his personality and the selflessness that would later lead to the touching Savannah scene. It shows us his deep internal thoughts - it confirms that he has deep internal thoughts - and explains how he's been coping with the ableism he faces.

SABM is weird. I like that. I like that Ricky gets to have weird interests and a weird self-insert fantasy, while being disabled - I like that being disabled isn't treated as his "weird" trait, such that giving him weird interests as well would be "too much". Because that happens a lot! Disabled people are expected to be completely average in every other way to "make up" for our disability. And, yeah, SABM is kind of horny - and that makes sense! Ricky is a teenager, he's in his final year of high school, most people his age do have sexual fantasies. Other characters also reference sex in various ways so it makes sense that Ricky would. And I think it makes sense for SABM to be weird because part of Ricky's backstory is being ignored and isolated due to his disability - that's the sort of thing that, long-term, can leave people without a clear reference point for 'weird' and 'normal', or just leave them having no reason to care about being 'weird' because they're ignored anyway.

But also, if I may get analytical for a moment. Throughout the musical until SABM, Ricky faces a lot of ableism from Ocean, which isn't really commented on - she infantilizes him, both by assuming he's incapable of deeper thought/understanding and by being shocked at the idea that he might talk about porn or sex, and she also argues that he doesn't have a reason to live with his disability. Ocean is a flawed character and an unreliable narrator, but for the first half of the musical, you could be forgiven for thinking maybe you're supposed to agree with her and view Ricky as some pitiable child.

And then in comes Ricky's introduction, followed by SABM. And clearly Ricky isn't mentally a child, in any way - he's developed a whole complex story with deep worldbuilding so that he can imagine himself having sex with alien catgirls. But it also makes it clear that Ricky does have valuable ideas to contribute and, heck, just things he enjoys - which feels significant to me when a few songs ago it was being argued that there's no reason he should be alive.

As I said earlier, the ableism Ricky faces is extremely realistic and relatable to me. And SABM makes it clear that Ocean's ableist views about him are untrue and harmful, without breaking the realism for her to turn directly to the audience and say "By the way, you aren't supposed to agree with most of what I say about Ricky - I'm an unreliable narrator speaking due to my own biases!"

Basically - SABM is a subtle deconstruction of all the ableist things said to/about Ricky throughout the musical. It's an incredibly important part of the musical and an important way to represent a disabled character. And it's also a fucking bop.

Why this is important

Representation matters. That's a concept that has been explained a lot, by people who can articulate it better than I can - I won't fully explain here, just google "why does representation matter".

Look - over the years, many aspects of RTC's disability rep have been criticised in various ways. And a lot of that criticism is completely justified. Many topics were handled confusingly, not fully explained, and not properly explored like they could have been; erasure was pretty much baked into the script, with Ricky becoming able-bodied in the afterlife, and while some productions have tried to alleviate this by retaining his mobility aids nobody has found a workaround for his inability to speak in a genre where it's important for him to sing; and in recent years his disability has been entirely erased from the script, in an incredibly ableist way.

I'm not saying RTC is perfect; far from it. But if I thought there was no value in RTC's disability rep, and Ricky was just some offensive caricature, I wouldn't be in the fandom.

In fact, it's because I love Ricky and see him as valuable disability rep that I think it's important to criticise the parts of the musical that aren't handled well & the issues with disability erasure. RTC had good disability rep - that's why I think it should be improved, why it can be improved, and why i think we should fight against erasure. That's a big part of why I hate the 2022 script changes! Because they erased something that was important to me!

A lot of the things I loved about RTC in the first place are things that I frequently see glossed over, or downright erased, in fanworks. I think sometimes people don't realize the significance of these details, so I wanted to share why I think it's important! Some of these details really need more exploration and more love!

Overall, I think it's important to understand that media can't always be sorted neatly into "good representation" or "bad representation". And that talking about the good things and criticising the flaws can both be important. I really wanted to share my perspective on this topic. Thanks for reading!

[forestdeath1]

Sirius’s attitude towards Peter

This is going to be a bit controversial because in the fandom, it's commonly believed that Sirius loved Peter. People backs this up with two points:

Sirius suggested Peter as the Secret Keeper.

Sirius said he'd die for Peter.

In my view, their relationship was a bit more complicated than just "he loved him." Emotions aren't just about love and hate, there's a lot of grey area in between. But personally, I don't see any evidence that Sirius truly loved or respected Peter.

From what we know in the books, teachers saw Peter like this:

Pettigrew... that fat little boy who was always tagging around after them at Hogwarts?’ said Madam Rosmerta. ‘Hero-worshipped Black and Potter,’ said Professor McGonagall.

For an observant and clever person like McGonagall, the group dynamics aren't a secret. It's exactly what people saw from the outside.

We know for sure that Peter visited the Potters, and Lily worried about him being sad, whereas there's no mention of Remus. In the Order of the Phoenix photo, Peter stands next to James, Lily and Sirius, while Remus is on the other end. So at least during the war, Peter was closer to the Potters than Remus.

Here's what JKR says about their relationship with Peter:

"Pettigrew, who they, in a slightly patronizing way, James and Sirius at least, who they allowed to hang round with them, it turned out that he was a better wizard than they knew. Turned out he was better at hiding secrets than they knew."

And it makes sense. Patronizing. They didn't intend to be friends with Peter at all, it was Remus who felt sorry for him and persuaded James and Sirius to include him.

Remus, always the underdog’s friend, was kind to short and rather slow Peter Pettigrew, a fellow Gryffindor, whom James and Sirius might not have thought worthy of their attention without Remus’s persuasion. Soon, these four became inseparable. (Pottermore)

And what we see in their relationship in reality:

Every time James made a particularly difficult catch, Wormtail gasped and applauded. 

‘Put that away, will you,’ said Sirius finally, as James made a fine catch and Wormtail let out a cheer, ‘before Wormtail wets himself with excitement.’ 

Wormtail turned slightly pink, but James grinned. 

Peter's behaviour:

Lupin and Wormtail remained sitting: Lupin was still staring down at his book, though his eyes were not moving and a faint frown line had appeared between his eyebrows; Wormtail was looking from Sirius and James to Snape with a look of avid anticipation on his face. 

How can someone like Sirius, who literally hates groveling ("I, a spy for Voldemort? When did I ever sneak around people who were stronger and more powerful than myself?"), respect and love someone who constantly grovels? Was Sirius blind not to see that? Everyone saw it. Remus simply pitied and was kind to Peter ("always the underdog’s friend"), and James loved Peter's adoration. James is the kind of person who really loves attention, and at the same time, he has a pretty black-and-white view of the world, and probably considered Peter a good guy, albeit one he could sometimes make fun of ('How thick are you, Wormtail?' said James impatiently. 'You run round with a werewolf once a month –')

But Sirius didn't need attention, he wasn't an attention-seeker. He could see pretty well who and what everyone was.

Many say that what Sirius says in PoA,he says it after many years of reflection in Azkaban and on emotions. I don’t think so:

‘Lily and James only made you Secret Keeper because I suggest- ed it,’ Black hissed, so venomously that Pettigrew took a step backwards. ‘I thought it was the perfect plan ... a bluff ... Voldemort would be sure to come after me, would never dream they’d use a weak, talentless thing like you ... it must have been the finest moment of your miserable life, telling Voldemort you could hand him the Potters.’ 

Sirius came up with a bluff. A plan where Voldemort was supposed to come after him, Sirius, not Peter. It wasn't just that Sirius trusted Peter. The point was that Voldemort would NOT come after Peter. Why was he so sure Voldemort wouldn't come after Peter?

Because first of all, I think Sirius really, as he said, believed that Voldemort would never pay attention to Peter. And secondly, Sirius was sure that Peter admired James too much and loved him too much to betray. The one who was always attached to them, the one who always looked up to James in admiration.

Sirius underestimated Peter's "bravery" and cunning.

‘I, a spy for Voldemort? When did I ever sneak around people who were stronger and more powerful than myself? But you, Peter – I’ll never understand why I didn’t see you were the spy from the start. You always liked big friends who’d look after you, didn’t you? It used to be us ... me and Remus ... and James ...’

He always saw that Peter was attached to them as "big friends," but Sirius, being arrogant, underestimated that besides them, Peter could have other "big friends." He was too convinced that Peter idolized James.

At the same time, it's pretty obvious why Sirius didn't trust Remus. He always respected Remus more, considered him smarter and more capable. He couldn't not trust James, James was everything to him, but Remus, who also often disappeared on missions, he could. This distrust shows not so much that they had bad relations, but rather that Sirius considered Remus a more capable and independent person, not just an appendage to James, like Peter.

So why were they considered inseparable and why did Sirius say he would die for Peter?

‘He – he was taking over everywhere!’ gasped Pettigrew. ‘Wh-what was there to be gained by refusing him?’ 

‘What was there to be gained by fighting the most evil wizard who has ever existed?’ said Black, with a terrible fury in his face. ‘Only innocent lives, Peter!’ 

‘You don’t understand!’ whined Pettigrew. ‘He would have killed me, Sirius!’ 

‘THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED!’ roared Black. ‘DIED RATHER THAN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS, AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!’ 

Sirius has a very strong sense of honor. For him, dying for those he considers «ours» is a matter of honor. This is a nuance in his character — he may not particularly like or respect someone, but if they're "ours" he'll defend them (even someone like Mundungus).

He considered Peter their friend, he was with them from the first year, James loved Peter, Remus loved Peter, Peter helped in their mischiefs, and Sirius treated Peter okay, as a friend, but without much respect or some unearthly love that fandom usually portrays. He could see what Peter was like, and surely there were tense situations between them, but Sirius wasn't a bad person, and Peter knew how to play the helpless and miserable guy. It's like a patronizing friendship, where you're friends not because you really respect and love the person, but because they're in your group, and you're used to them. It was a childhood friendship. There was no sacred friendship. Children often start friendships simply because they end up in the same bedroom.

And Sirius isn't afraid of death. His death – it's not the worst thing for him. He tells Peter the same thing. Better to die than betray friends. That's his honor—he doesn't understand betrayal. The concept of honor isn't linked to love. For some reason, many think that a person can only decide to die for those they love. But some might choose death because their honor demands it. And if Sirius considered someone a friend, and he did consider Peter a friend, then dying for him is a normal reaction.

JKR on this: "Sirius would have done it. With all his faults and flaws, he has this profound sense of honor, ultimately, and he would rather have died honorably, as he would see it, than live with the dishonor and shame."

And Sirius would die not just for Peter. He told the twins about their father, who was on a mission: "You don't understand - there are things worth dying for!"

So, I don't see any evidence that Sirius truly loved and respected Peter. Did he consider him a friend? Yes, he did. Not personally his own, but their friend. James's friend first and foremost and an integral part of the Marauders. Would he die for him? Yes, of course. It's a matter of honor. But he always saw him as lesser than themselves, not as worthy, not as strong, not as smart, too cowardly, and sly. And it's precisely because of his arrogant attitude that he thought Voldemort would never pay attention to Peter, making Peter the perfect Secret Keeper. Also, in his opinion, Peter would never betray James precisely because Peter supposedly idolized James too much and loved him too much. But "it turned out that he was a better wizard than they knew. Turned out he was better at hiding secrets than they knew."

[jesswritesthat]

Dating Rody Soul Headcanons

Fandom: BNHA // MHA — [ Masterlist ]

Summary: fluff, headcanons

Warnings: None

Requested: Yes

>>>>——————————>

• Trust has to be earned with Rody and if you’re dating then you’ve defiantly gained his and hopefully vice versa. Even if him telling you about his quirk was an embarrassing one for him.

“So… you can’t lie because Pino will…”

“Pretty much yeah.”

“That’s a cool quirk Rody. Pino is amazing and like a companion. You’re lucky to have her.”

“You really think so?”

• Even though you’re together, he is still unfairly charming toward you! Flirting comes easy to him when it’s with you (sentimental feelings are more difficult to express) and you’ll receive winks or cute smirks from across the room etc.

• Rody will always play it cool but if you flirt back Pino will betray his nonchalance by the flustered blushing mess she becomes much to his embarrassment. Then comes the denial and stuttering.

“Aha well you— I— ahem, whatever, you’re cool I guess.”

“Rody, you’re not the only smooth talker you know but don’t worry you’re definitely prettier~”

“That’s not true (Y/n)! Have you seen how beautiful you are? No? Then I’ll show ya!”

• You’ve realised how agile and street smart he is on various outings, and sometimes you arrive early to date meeting points just to catch a glimpse of him gliding from building to building using an array of impressive parkour.

(He has no idea, nor do you intend to tell him).

• If you ask he will teach you a couple of things of course and he’ll be a brilliant teacher, guiding you through things and challenging your level to improve. If you trip he is 100% there to catch you equipped with a flirting / teasing remark and smile.

• Rody will also show an interest in your talents / hobbies and if you’ll allow, participate or learn them with you. If you’re helping him study to be a pilot then he’ll return the love to whatever it is you’re passionate about.

• His siblings are very important and based on Pino, his heart practically melts whenever you include them in your life.

Wanna go to the sea? Let’s bring Roro and Lala for a picnic.

Dinner? Sure we could all cook something together.

The boy is putty in your hands oh my. He would give you the world if he could, but for now you’ll have settle for the little moments he can give you.

• When visiting Rody at work your favourite drink is immediately prepared and waiting for you courtesy of a proud boyfriend - even if Stanleyk teases him for it.

• If you're around long enough, he becomes as protective over you as he is his siblings, in a more loving partner way of course. Just like them, he’ll do whatever he can support you.

• If he's ever stressed or upset Rody tries to hide Pino for you as she always makes a beeline the second you are in sight. He just wants to be strong for you - even if he secretly wants a hug.

• If you offhandedly mentioned liking something, you bet he's going to save up to get it for you. He loves you so much just because of who you are and this is how he can think to show it.

• Sometimes you'll end up buying it yourself first and he'll be really happy for you, only to overhear him moping to his siblings how he missed out on a chance to make you happy.

"I was so close!"

"Uh... can't you just buy (Y/n) something else?" Roro the voice of logic in moments like these.

"It's not the same Roro!"

• You often cook together, sharing different recipes and tricks. There's a small competition going with Roro and Lala, but they favour your joint efforts rather than solo attempts.

In fact they just enjoy your company and seeing how happy you make their big brother. Since he’s always looking out for them, they’re glad he found someone who will look out for him too.

• If you're ever in trouble Pino is shouting in front of you squawking at your offenders, not a second later Rody is there to defend / back you up.

• One of your more interesting dates involved a rusty pick-up that he’d ‘acquired’ and he drove you to a local rural area for stargazing. It was a beautiful night and you’d spoke for hours about anything and everything.

“The stars are so beautiful tonight, thanks Rody.”

“They’re not the only thing that’s beautiful…”

“Oh?”

“Uh-uh this truck, look at it! Peak of engineering.” Yeah Rody, let’s just ignore the admiring doe eyes Pino is currently making at you.

• Worry not though, despite finding hard to express his feelings sometimes he will compliment you genuinely and confidently when he can. Usually they just slip out as easily as breathing when he hasn’t overthought it.

• Overall dating Rody is like having a second family full of warmth and welcoming. Even if things can be a struggle sometimes, you know that as long as Rody have each other, you’ll find a way to overcome anything.

<——————————<<<<

[ Masterlist ]

[grison-in-space]

You know, I've been reading things written by people on the internet for my whole life, or at least my whole life after I was about ten. I'm thirty three now. That means there are people whose words I read on the internet twenty years ago who are presumably still around and occupying the internet—sometimes using names I can recognize from back then, too. (hat tip to my fellow "changing usernames is unnatural actually" brethren; I've only changed one myself twice in the whole world since I was about fourteen or fifteen.)

Sometimes I think about a person I see around occasionally on the internet. That person wrote a story about a character in a rather silly fandom we shared, and I read it as a child just beginning to conceptualize being someone whose opinions might matter. And I remember reading that story at some point, because at that age I had a hyperfixation on that character in that fandom at that time and I read pretty much everything in the genre. I never really got to talk to anyone but the inside of my head about it. My friends didn't read fanfiction, and my parents viewed my reading fanfiction as some kind of depraved, shameful secret. Anyway, I read that story and I remember having some kind of deep realization about how adult humans work while I was reading it.

I learned something about the world from that story. (It was one of those insights that are now so molten alongside my core that it's difficult for me to disentangle them from myself, like "people outside you have their own perspective on your behaviors, but that doesn't mean they have to be right.") And I remember that they know it, because they taught it to me, without meaning to. One of the anonymous impacts on readers that writers never see unless they're extraordinarily lucky.

And I smile, because it's lovely to see them again, and they showed me a skill I still use today. We don't have a relationship of any kind—it would be very difficult to recognize me, I think—but they did me a favor a long time ago. And I remember. Now I get to be reminded that this person still exists, and is still a pretty cool human to be around today, at least for the specific circumstance of internet neighbor. Well, and our modern level of concern about once beloved elders from the distant past going terrifyingly cult-addled and bigoted on short notice.

That has not happened in the slightest. They're just still a pretty nice fandom person who is a bit older than me, who is recognizably the same person they have always been, but more intensely and thoughtfully—like a distilled brandy, not a sour vinegar left out on a countertop too long.

Weirdly, that's a thing I find comforting: this tiny, one way, invisible affection. Every so often I feel this intense affection for a person I've never spoken to or about, because I see them and I love them intensely for a moment and then we both go about our days.

Think about how many interactions you have with people as you go about your day. Wouldn't it be nice to imagine that other people feel like that about you?

I think I'm going to imagine that there's one person that read something I said and thinks that about me. I don't need to ever actually know if it's true: I can just imagine someone who happened to be at a formative moment when they learned something against the background of my words. We'll never know each other as our screennames are lost along the years and we move in and out of touch with parts of ourselves, but we still have that little fond impact on one another, those fingerprints in one another's clay.

It's a nicer world to imagine than the one where no one is paying attention to me, or the only people paying attention to me are mean. And there's really no way to ever know for sure, so why not inhabit the pleasant end of the imaginatory pool if you can?

[endlessburningdarkness]

That "perfect victim" post you reposted has me all fucked up because it makes me think about Shen Jiu, and how his treated.

His a victim of severe trauma, and it manifests in ways that are "imperfect." It always pissess me off when people say, "if only Shen Jiu had tried. " Tried what? Get over his trauma? It's hard to do when A) there is no therapy and you have no real support system. B) The people around you don't give a shit and are hostile. And C) the before mention people make the trauma worse by making you feel unsafe or invalidating you. Try to get along with his martial siblings? He tried, but every time he did, it backfired and made everything worse for himself. He tried to save Liu Qingge's life twice, only to end up getting accused of murder each time. Try to be kinder? He tried with Ning Yingying, only to be accused of grooming her because of one of his coping mechanisms.

It was never about Shen Jiu not wanting to get better but that he couldn't.

What makes it all the more fucked up is how everyone treats Shen Yuan compared to Shen Jiu. SY acts "normal" because he has no trauma, so his liked. The peak lords would rather deal with someone "normal" than a victim and their trauma. Even Yue Qingyuan seems it easier to deal with a Shen Qingqiu who doesn't know him than one that does and actually dealing with the trauma.

And ain't that fucked up.

it is incredibly fucked up.

I love Shen Jiu (and Harry) because they are rare examples of imperfect victims. Because most victims, shockingly, are not perfect. Trauma rarely makes you a better person. In fact, more likely, it will make you angry, difficult, bitter and even cruel.

I find this type of character much more relatable and realistic than "perfect victims" who are sweet and kind and forgiving and let things go and are never ugly, hurtful or vicious in their trauma response. I think it really comes down to the idea that trauma isn't some fun thing you can brush off, you can't be normal after significant trauma. It will leave a mark, it will change you, sometimes permanently, sometimes in ways that are embarrassing and frightening and unattractive. Sometimes, you'll do awful, hurtful things to cope.

And I think that's fine. It's fine for Shen Jiu to be traumatized. In a way that isn't palatable to the reader or to society. It makes sense for him to be the way that he is. After the life he's lived, he is still shockingly kind to a number of people and as you've noted this backfires on him spectacularly. He had no parents. No one to teach him healthy ways of doing anything. He was enslaved, treated like an object, a dog, and then he was betrayed by the one person he thought was on his side. Anyone would be fucked up after that. Anyone would give up trying to be better. And that's fine too.

I think it's hard for people to face that trauma, real trauma that is, isn't this pretty, enticing thing which makes someone cooler, but genuinely painful, damaging, and difficult to overcome. That is what makes Shen Jiu's and Harry's attempts to overcome their trauma so damn impressive and compelling. That Shen Jiu fails is not due to some inherent flaw or weakness on his part but because it's so fucking difficult, even with support, to recover from the awful things that happened to him.

Often traumatized characters are expected to react perfectly, and a lot of fanfic of them is all about hashing out the ways they would overcome their trauma in an ideal way and become "normal", happy, well-adjusted people we can enjoy without feeling bad. For example, character's with sexual trauma magically overcome it by getting fucked by the right person.

And this is exactly why Shen Yuan is easier for the other characters and the fandom to love. He doesn't have Shen Jiu's baggage, he isn't damaged, he doesn't have trust issues or paranoia or jealously or hatred. He doesn't have the trauma. It's easy to be good when you're not hurt and no one has betrayed you. It's easy to be nice when you've never had to beg for every meal. Shen Yuan has everything on easy mode, and that's the appeal of him in many ways. The quicker, easier, smoother route to happiness.

I for one however, prefer the harder road. I am here for when characters don't respond to awful things happening to them in polite, unchallenging, comfortable ways so the audience can enjoy it without flinching.

Because the message I am interested in is that it's okay. It's okay to have trauma, terrible and unwholesome trauma even. it's okay to be broken in ugly, painful ways. It's okay to never become "normal" like other people. It's okay to never do the things that trigger you. It's okay to be traumatized and to act like it! And that's why I love these types of characters.

If you're interested in an exploration of Shen Jiu's sexual trauma, I'd like to recommend my fic, not to me, not if it's you. I would love to hear your thoughts on it.

[rosazoldyckk]

𐬾𐬽Life with the Zoldyck family HC’s𐬾𐬽

Pairing: Yandere!Illumi X Kidnapped!Reader. Fandom: Hunter X Hunter. Genre: fluff?? Idk tbh. TW’s: mentioning of kidnapping, manipulation, violence and possessive nature. And Illumi.

Disclaimer: I posted this on my last tumblr account but it got deleted and I can’t get it back. So it will be posted here😅 this post got a lot of attention on my last account so if this post is recognised from anyone then I want to say this hasn’t been stolen and is my original work <3

684 words

Living with the Zoldyck family is scary..... and strange.

There was fear and the constant paranoia that you were going to die—either in the hands of Illumi himself or a member of his family, you didn't know which.

However, you have nothing to fear, Illumi, in his weird and creepy way, always finds a way to reassure you that as long as you love him (and only him) you have nothing to worry about!

Of course, it takes sometime to get used to the sinister and grim place—along with the unerving, and dark, humor some of the family members have. *cough* Milluki *cough*

Illumi, as well as the rest of the Zoldyck family, are well prepared to deal with your timid and skittish personality. 

Anything assassin related is kept to a low (demanded by Illumi) and you won't be exposed to any Nen until he feels as though you won't faint at the sight.

Surprisly, Illumi isn't as mean or harsh to you...but don't let that fool you. He is, without a doubt, a manipulator. The dark male could go two ways on how he treats you as you adjust to your new life.

Be submissive and accepting your fate will earn you more freedom (ie allowing you to accompany him and his family to social gatherings and being shown to the public. Heck, you might even be allowed to come along and watch him do is job, fun right?).

 Be difficult and distant...he will have his fun breaking you. You will be chained to him (literally) with no free will whatsoever.

  If you need to pee, he has to permit it. Oh? You're hungry? That's too bad! He's stuffed from dinner (in which you had to watch). Exhausted, my dear? Maybe you shouldn't have been a brat and you could sleep.

It depends on how you take it, but, eventually, you will start to love the male and he will bask in it.

Silvia and Zeno absolutely adore you. Zeno finding your "love story" with Illumi to be romantic as their parents and Silvia being glad that his eldest son has found a 'submissive' keeper. (Not like Illumi will ever let you go)

Kikyo however is pretty hard to get along with but she'll never seem to understand that. If she considers you an outsider still, then she is very cold and standoffish.

She'll even go as far as to try to chase you away with physical and verbal attacks. (Until Silvia intervenes at least)

It will become worse if she decides to treat you like family, she is very possessive of her children. So once she considers you good luck, contrats you have one protective and doting fan.

She will be a bit borderline creepy but hey that just means she likes you

Other than that, You get along with almost everyone in the house

almost everyone.

Milluki has a problem with you. 

Whether it's because he doesn't find you worthy of the Zoldycks' name or because he can't stand how caring and soft looking you are.

Maybe, it's because he has his own crush on you? 

Or perhaps he's upset because he can't play with the new toy? Either way, he finds you a useless nuisance and will make things difficult for you to adjust.

Mulling over the idea of Milluki having a crush on you, I can see him being a bit of a voyeur.

 Watching you and Illumi when you both indulge in sexual activities and sneaking peeks at you as you bath or sleep. 

He's jealous of his older brother and will eventually challenge him to a fight over you (of course that only happens when he manages to get close to you, which once again will be impossible). 

(And lets be honest would he really win against Illumi? I doubt it. But I bet it would be funny to see him fight haha)

All in all, living with the Zoldyck family is without a doubt overbearing and scary. But, be a good girl/boy and play along with Illumi and all will go smoothly. You will gain the families upmost respect and be treated like a member, and Illumi will treat you with the highest respect.

But be difficult and refuse to comply will only lead you with heartache and misery. Illumi won't hesitate to stick a couple needles into your head until you behave.

[blakbonnet]

*DRUM ROLL* This AOTW is the podfic edition of our beloved weekend celebration of great artists in this fandom, and our featured artist this week is none other than @lindie-kninjaknitter ✨ If you're a lover of podfics, you've definitely heard at least one of Lindie's 265 fics either on your commute or because their voice is just so calming. Lindie also agreed to answer some questions for me:

Let's start with the technical: what are the programs you use to create your lovely podfics?

I use GarageBand to record with a ShureMV7 microphone, and I use Audacity for processing and post on SoundCloud.

How did you get into podficcing? Is this the first fandom you've tried it for?

I got into podfic making I knew what a podfic was. The story “No One Would Riot For Less” by sacrificethemtothesquid was a retelling of season one from Ed’s POV. I couldn’t put it down. So I recorded into the Voice Memos on my phone so I could take it with me on walks. When I found out that this was something that people do, I asked the author for permission to post and they said yes, and with the encouragement of some generous kind pirates in the comments I recorded more.

What made you fall in love with narrating stories?

This is the only fandom I’ve recorded although after I did a few stories, I auditioned for some books on audible and have recorded two stories there. It was not as rewarding or enjoyable as recording fanfiction. I love that the audio out there helps people in the ways it does. Folks tell me they listen while they do boring tasks or enjoyable art or their commute. I feel like I get to sit in the corner of a room in so many peoples lives, reading these awesome stories and it makes me very happy.

Any tips for beginners who wants to give podficcing a shot?

Tips for beginners! There are some good resources on AO3, the sapphires project, tree change project… These were designed to try to support new podfic makers as well as get those stories to audio. But I think the most important thing is find a story you want to live in! Something you really, really love, and then record it on your phone or whatever you have. I didn’t have a microphone until I started Hell or High Water.

Sound quality wise the two big things you need to do are to get your voice through a recording device and onto your DAW (digital work station – mine is GarageBand) While at the same time, eliminating other noises as much as possible. Echo is not your friend so a bathroom is your worst option… a place with soft walls blankets carpet on the floor in a quiet corner works great. Or a closet.

What is your favourite podfic that you've narrated?

My favorite podfic is which ever one I’m working on right now! There are some I am particularly proud of the vocal performance. Throat G.O.A.T. stands out… Constellationism, Baddy Zaddy have such sense of place! Captive of the Pirate King was the first one in which I really felt part of a community. I’ve made… 260 so far… each one was my favorite as I worked on it!

What are your personal challenges when it comes to narrating podfics?

I always want to do more than I can reasonably actually record. In choosing one it means I’m unchoosing several others.

I have dyslexia… sometimes I cannot get into the flow of reading which is frustrating.

There are some topics and materials I find difficult to narrate. Often that discomfort is offset by many other things that I love about a story and so I will narrate them anyway.

When I am approaching difficult material, I do a lot of journaling. I take breaks. I record sentences in pieces, then stitch it together and I am pretty sure you can’t tell in the finished recording.

We have a wonderful community of narrators who are there to listen and help each other with things like this.

Why OFMD? 🥹

Why OFMD? I think the underlying story of figuring yourself out later in life really appeals to me. I see myself in many of the characters, Ed, Stede, Jim, Izzy, Lucius… This story and the crew have really helped me understand myself better… feel less broken? (Chapter 25 baby!!!) feel less of an outsider? To recognize that parts of myself that I’ve had to tone down my whole life are worthy of being loud about.

Please head on over to @ofmdlovelyletters to leave your love for Lindie 💕

[bekolxeram]

Unfortunately, I don't have the means to donate this time, (Stupid expensive health issues🙄) but I'd still like to express my gratitude to Bucktommy and this fandom for the occasion.

Not that my life has ever been sunshine and rainbows, but 2024 has been particularly difficult for me. I started the year the sickest I've been for years, then one of my uncles passed away in February. He was 88. He had been slowly succumbing to dementia for quite some time, so almost everyone agreed a cardiac arrest was a blessing in disguise.

I wasn't close with him, but my mother was, and naturally, I had to spend pretty much the entire March accompanying her to all sorts of traditional ceremonies for the dead. All my uncle's children, my cousins, came back from abroad as well. They enjoyed hanging out with me back when I was a toddler, but then I slowly grew up into this weird, moody kid of few words, and we kind of drifted apart from there.

Family reunions were never awkward despite my gloomy existence though, they had their fun aunt who never ran out of things to talk about. To them, my mother's the life of the party and an exemplary woman, who went through tragedies in life but still manages to come out stronger on the other side, who unfortunately had to re-enter the workforce later in life to support her physically ill husband and her mentally ill teenage daughter.

What they don't know, is that while she's a fun aunt, she's not a fun mother. She was dealing with the stress and frustration so well because she always had an outlet at home. Someone she had total ownership over, officialized by a piece of birth certificate. Someone she could do whatever she'd like to, emotionally and physically, because in my culture, it's simply an alternative, maybe outdated method of parenting, not a crime.

I've had time to process my messy relationship with my mother, I've come to (mostly) accept it for what it is. Watching my cousins all rushing over to my mother with open arms to console her, watching my cousins' children playing around, having fun with her, while my existence was barely acknowledged, was actually more triggering than I expected. It acted as a sobering reminding that not only do I have merely a handful of friends since I left church, I in fact don't have any family left either. They're all my mother's family, not mine.

It was probably the most lonely and isolating experience in my life. It's like I was trapped inside of my head, my head that was gradually turning into a bottomless pit of nothingness.

Then Tommy Kinard drove through cross town traffic just to clear the air in person. He expressed how much he wanted to be a part of a family. Then he took his shot and got the boy in the end.

I just felt... understood. Watching Bucktommy's story play out on screen gave me some rare moments of joy and much needed hope. I felt like if Tommy could find happiness later in life, maybe it wasn't too late for me either.

If you've had experience with depression, you'd know how sometimes getting out of bed, brushing your teeth feels like an uphill battle already. Motivation is precious and hard to come by. I was so motivated creatively by Bucktommy and people in the fandom who resonated with the story just like me, that I wrote series of posts analyzing every scene in S7, I learned how to make gifs to illustrate the humor I found in all of us, I figured out how to edit video especially for my vision of a Brad-nado, I even wrote and posted my first fanfic ever.

And I just love how we refuse to give up hope, even after the breakup. We cried, we whined, then we doubled our effort writing fix-it fics, continuing their story on our own terms. Now, we even manage to raise thousands of dollars for charities in 24 hours in the name of love.

Sorry for the wall of text all about myself, I hope I don't come across as a self-absorbed jerk. I always thought I would never make it to 30, it started feeling like a real possibility in March. What happened instead was that my 30th birthday came and go because I was too busy screaming about Buck batting his eyelashes at Tommy when he was receiving a medal.

I'm sitting here, typing this out, looking back at my 2024 at the end of the year, only because Bucktommy happened and I had the pleasure to cross path with you all. I know, it's stupid, it's just a TV show, but I can't really imagine how my life would turn out if I never had Bucktommy, where I would be right, or even if I would still be at all.

So, thank you, for making life worth living for me again.

[bambi-kinos]

people’s arguments about why john has to be a bottom and not paul tend to regurgitate the same critique these people have about paul (“you say he’s a bottom just because he’s feminine!”) by bringing up john’s appearance and more femme attitude after ‘68 and then saying how paul is more masc because of his body / facial hair. i also feel like a lot of people still conflate dom/sub with top/bottom when it comes to mclennon. though i haven’t thought about the societal perception of receiving / giving, i had an ohhh moment when i read that in your post. i personally will always be a fan of service top john paired with a power bottom paul, but john being servicy to me doesn’t mean he’s “submissive” in the typical way. i think he can be dominant and aggressive with paul but that’s because paul allows him to be. like what you said about paul enjoying being john’s second and being put in his place by more domineering and strong men. there’s a lot of power play that goes on in their sexual relationship and it deeply fascinates me!

people’s arguments about why john has to be a bottom and not paul tend to regurgitate the same critique these people have about paul (“you say he’s a bottom just because he’s feminine!”) by bringing up john’s appearance and more femme attitude after ‘68 and then saying how paul is more masc because of his body / facial hair.

Yes, it gets very transparent for exactly those reasons. What makes me roll my eyes about the “you say he’s a bottom just because he’s feminine!” thing is that anyone who bitches about this can only imagine switching the roles and having Paul by a hypermasculine stoic (which breaks characterization) and having John be a hyperfeminine bottom (which is also OOC). I don't think that the original complaints are necessarily a bad thing, there is an iteration problem in McLennon fandom where Paul can sometimes be reduced to a weepy princess, though I haven't heard of any fics coming out in the past 5 years that actually made this mistake. But it does annoy me that fandom can only imagine flipping the script and having John be the weepy bottom princess. It never leads to something more creative or interesting being produced where John and Paul's roles, both self assigned and imposed on them, are discussed especially for the effect it had their relationship.

It would be interesting to explore John's femme qualities but I think that fans are hesitant about going there because they would have to admit that John's passivity in 1968 was induced by his heroin addiction which destroyed his life and his relationships. There's never any appreciating John's femininity when he wasn't on heroin even though 1965 is arguably when John was at the most soft spoken and open minded. I find it a little sad that John's feminine qualities are only appreciated when he was at the peak of his hatefulness and addiction.

i also feel like a lot of people still conflate dom/sub with top/bottom when it comes to mclennon.

A lot of that is wish fulfillment IMO. Especially since Paul fans are usually the ones driving it and it's pretty universal that we want to see him get railed, not really the other way around. We like him because he's so poundable. So it's nice that he has a built in boyfriend who's willing to fuck him until he cries, you know. And it's easy to classify that as top/bottom::dom/sub.

McLennon is very subtle in some ways because of the give and take between John and Paul was so weird and it's just really difficult for us as outsiders to grasp. John and Paul themselves are baffled and confused by it. It makes me wonder if part of their dissolution was the fact that they didn't understand how much power they held over the other one which meant that they couldn't understand why their decisions were having such profound effects on the other person. They seem profoundly frustrated and bewildered by the undercurrents of their relationship where they perfectly fulfill each other in all ways except one, and how deeply unsatisfying their other relationships have been in comparison.

I think @amoralto damaged the fandom for this in some ways because she ended up having a popular blog which meant that her interpretations of John in particular were xeroxed over and over. The problem with this being that I don't think amoralto fully appreciated the power dynamic between John and Paul and her bias against John crept into her opinions which means that they screwed up the fandom discourse. If you go purely by her public posts then amoralto appears to be under the impression that John was a hysteric that was perpetually shitting himself about Paul one upping him. There is some truth to that but it's also not the whole story because Paul's ability to pull the rug out from under John was always a source of pride, fascination, love, and eroticism for John. Yesterday rocked John's world but he was also proud of Paul for being such an incredible artist and he was always pleased about being the one who discovered Paul. He was always aware that Paul had a lot of power over him and John both reveled and despaired in that.

This relates to the top/bottom::dom/sub thing because this dynamic would naturally play out in an erotic relationship between John and Paul. There's the surface layer where John is railing Paul but then there's the additional layer where Paul is the one enticing John to do it by showing his ass off (like really, who do you think those tight cut trousers are for?) and inviting John to put his cock inside Paul. And then there's the part where John's butch attitude and even some of his violence was egged on and encouraged by Paul who was most likely turned on by John punching people out. Paul was not the slightest bit put off by John being a violent person or else he would have bailed within a year of knowing him. When Julia died, Paul is the only one who had patience with John who was getting drunk and getting into fights…meanwhile there's a femmeboi in the background making soothing noises and cleaning him up so that he's fit for company. Really makes the your mind run wild with possibilities huh? Who is to say Paul didn't say "c'mon Johnny, just put it in me mouth and I'll fix you up." Or something!

The point is Paul is ultimately in control of the situation. This is supposed to be what dom/sub set ups are supposed to be anyway, subs are the ones who dictate the conditions in the bedroom. But considering how John built Paul up in his mind, it seems clear that Paul had a lot of overt power over John too. They don't fit neatly into the dom/sub set up either.

They switched power positions constantly and they got a lot of pleasure out of dominating but also being dominated. Paul liked being on top and being on bottom and John liked it when he got to be on top of Paul and when Paul crushed him. The pleasure was in the struggle itself, not necessarily the positions in of themselves.

though i haven’t thought about the societal perception of receiving / giving, i had an ohhh moment when i read that in your post.

It's not nearly as prevelent now though it still lingers. But heteronormativity really dictated the nature of a lot of relationships in the past.

i personally will always be a fan of service top john paired with a power bottom paul, but john being servicy to me doesn’t mean he’s “submissive” in the typical way. i think he can be dominant and aggressive with paul but that’s because paul allows him to be.

IMO there's a lot of truth to this! @zilabee has a really nice post about how John and Paul could afford to be gentle with one another and wrote love songs together. I think that a service top john/power bottom paul really fits this dynamic because it allowed John and Paul to express themselves to each other which solidified their mutual trust and their bond.

In a lot of ways Paul was an ideal partner for John in that he was someone John could have sex with that didn't have consequences (such as pregnancy) while Paul also had the feminine beauty that John really loved. (There's a quote from Yoko I think that John claimed if he fell in love with another man then that man would have to be extremely beautiful. Handsome is not enough.) John could probably be a lot rougher with Paul who could stand up to being tossed around a bit if needed but was beautiful enough for John to fuck tenderly too. Paul wasn't afraid of John's rough side and even encouraged it and decided to love it. In some ways John being a service top lets him express that roughness sexually with someone who won't break in half from being treated like a sack of potatoes. And there wouldn't be judgment from Paul either because he is still a man and experienced the same puberty and testosterone that John did including the same struggles with temper, the bodily changes, etc. He knows where John is coming from whereas a 1960s woman would not. (The transwomen, crossdressers, and homosexuals in Hamburg may have been John's first explicit taste of this. People who were familiar with what growing up as a male would be like so they didn't judge John for his proclivities and interests.)

In other words, John could express himself sexually with Paul in a way that he probably couldn't with women. Paul was fine with it judging from that photo of John's nutsack against his back and it fulfilled his needs as well!

like what you said about paul enjoying being john’s second and being put in his place by more domineering and strong men. there’s a lot of power play that goes on in their sexual relationship and it deeply fascinates me!

Yes! John overwhelms and dominates Paul but it's because Paul wants it to happen. He relied on John's intuition and discernment and ultimately his trust in John to carry it through. John has a partner who can't get pregnant when he climaxes inside him and then can take it on the chin when John is rough and/or degrading. All while he's sharply aware of how much Paul likes it which itself feeds into John's eros, and so on and on…

[anneapocalypse]

The thing is, even if Lucanis did hate mages generally (which as @dreadfutures says here, is probably not why he's called the Mage Killer), surely we can understand that that means something completely different in the north than it would in the south, right?

It's going to be really interesting to see how the fandom engages with Tevinter tbh. Like, back in DA2, a lot of people thought Fenris was pretty unreasonable about mages. It's easy to feel that way. Even I feel it sometimes and I love Fenris. But then you take a step back, and you remember that his entire life experience is mages having absolute power over him and using that power to cause endless suffering. Those people are still chasing him until Act III, making it difficult for him to shift his paradigm and see the situation in the south for what it is. And some players, even knowing that context, still had trouble seeing Fenris for anything more than a bigot. They couldn't see his context anymore than he could see Anders' or Merrill's.

And as players who have played and loved three games set in the south of Thedas, we are the ones who are going to have to shift our perspectives now. The power structures in the north are different. The way they operate and maintain their power is different. Sure, the base principles still apply, but the devil's in the details. Someone "hating mages" simply does not have the same connotations in the context of the north. If a character in Tevinter says something like, I don't know, "Something must be done about those mages," it doesn't in any way mean the same thing as it would when spoken in Orlais under the southern Chantry. And maybe I'm just stating the obvious, but Idk, I felt like it warranted saying, not just for Lucanis but for all the new characters we're going to be meeting in the north.

[nekropsii]

Atomic Ask Bomb 4!!

This is a bunch of lighthearted haterism! Well... "Lighthearted" as in it's just a bunch of quippy bitching, not "lighthearted" in its subject matter. Same shit as always!

Content Warning: Long, Discussions of Abuse, Transmisogyny, Ableism, Pedophilia, Mentions of Incest, Bestiality.

True. At least I don't have to start doing unironic Freudian analysis just to feel like I've said something new and interesting about my specialty cast.

It's weird, because there really is a lot that isn't said about the Main Cast - a lot of which is really interesting - but... People would rather die than put serious, grounded thoughts into these characters, it feels. Especially if the topic is even vaguely uncomfortable. So, you get some nonsense on how there should have been menstruation in Homestuck, or that Eridan was never intended to die, instead of putting any serious analytical thought on Dave's abuse, or Jake's relationship with gender.

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In some places, they're even worse. Not because anything has changed, but because some issues have been made more visible by the change of landscape on Tumblr.

Like, people have way more points of entry to be Transmisogynistic, for example. The Homestuck fandom has always been Transmisogynistic, of course - March Eridan... Certainly exists - but now we've got more people talking about Roxy, about Dave, about Jake, about Calliope, about June... And while the level of Transmisogyny hasn't really changed, per se, it's hard to deny that it isn't more commonplace, in a way, purely because the amount of discussions surrounding Transfemininity has increased.

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CroTuna fans need to pick a fucking struggle that isn't that lame ass hill they've chosen to die on. Can you do something else, instead? Can you think liking Bluey is praxis or something? Literally anything is better, because literally anything else is funnier.

I'm not really super into AraSol or anything, but how can you be down to clown with CroTuna and not fuck with AraSol. Do you just want to crank your meat to abuse? What? Lmao.

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No one's normal about Personality Disorders. Cluster B Disorders especially get the shit end of the stick. It's unsurprising that the Homestuck fandom isn't normal about Personality Disorders when literally no one else is, for some reason.

It's just crazy watching people try to have you take them seriously and not look at them like they're fucking insane when they talk about their analysis that Cronus has NPD because he's terrible and abuses people. Like, what are you saying? Do you hear the words coming out of your mouth?

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Dave generally keeps all of his most intimate relationships pretty private, it's why it's kinda hard to keep up with his love life in canon. He grew up under the lens of countless cameras for the pleasure of prying adult eyes. Voyeurism is a huge part of his story, as it is a strong aspect of the abuse he faced growing up. Particularly, said Voyeurism was a key part of the sexual abuse he was subject to.

The fandom's handling of DaveKat feels like Voyeurism because so much of the fandom is dedicated to showing them in intimate scenarios that just feel... Wrong to see. Like, you just know for a fact if this was happening in the comic, we wouldn't be seeing it. Some even have whole blogs dedicated to those kinds of private moments they'd have behind closed doors. The fandom eats it up and calls for seconds, thirds, fourths, fifths - with a nigh fetishistic fervor. Sometimes, it's really hard to not feel like they're in Bro's sleazy live chats, asking to see more of the cute young one.

Even PostCanon frames the rabid consumption of DaveKat content as Voyeuristic. It's not a difficult or out of pocket read, I don't think.

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I think the secrecy of it all is fitting, personally. The hints we did get of the dynamic certainly don't sound very pleasant, though, much to the fandom's chagrin. On screen Kurloz & Mituna interaction would likely just be more Mituna Abuse Simulator.

And, no, I don't think she would be able to do that.

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The issue is that Cannibalism is largely something used not as an expression of Control Issues, but as an expression of Consumption.

Consumption is a really interesting theme to me in fiction. It can mean a lot of things and be shown in a lot of different ways - possessive love, caves, abuse, codependency, capitalism, so on and so forth - but... It's just... Honestly completely nonexistent in Dirk and Jake's relationship. That's why it feels forced to me. I just genuinely don't know where people are picking up the theme of Consumption, especially hard enough to start talking about Cannibalism as a natural extension of it.

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That's the Heterosexual Incest Exception, babey. It's the Spiders Georg. It doesn't count. People are always gonna have the Heterosexual Incest Exception, because they physically cannot help themselves but jerk it to little girls getting molested by their dad or something. It's awful, but it is unfortunately true.

That said, if anyone pulls that kind of shit with Sovereignstuck, I am personally banning you.

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See, Vriska fans aren't in denial - they know she blows, that's the appeal. They're just tired of people acting like it's the end of the fucking world, or like she's the worst person in the comic when Cronus exists. Who is, ironically, exactly who you're talking about, lmao.

You know that meme that goes "You guys would fuck a fence if it was white"? That, but it reads "You guys would forgive anything if a white man did it". If you're a skinny white man in a piece of fiction, you apparently just have a free pass to do and say literally fucking anything. It's actually genuinely insane. People will gaslight themselves so hard into thinking that skinny white man is hot and did nothing wrong, even when the whole function of his existence is that he totally and completely sucks and is entirely irredeemable and has never been sorry for anything he's ever done in his life and never will be, and is 100% aware of the fact that what he's doing is abusive and simply doesn't care. It's nuts. It's so nuts. What are you guys TALKING about.

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[Writing in notebook] Modern AU Cronus... Is Jeffree Star... Got it!

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Look, man. I've seen some shit. You have to understand how much I could fully see that happening. I flinched because it's realistic. Do you know how much Bec/Jade content there is? Help me.

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"Indirectly".

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Kankri even takes part in being Ableist to Mituna. It's crazy. They're fucking tag teaming to make Mituna's life as miserable as possible.

Really funny that people still take him as the good and correct guy when he's an Ableist Stalker that doesn't think Misogyny is real. This is the guy whose hill you're willing to die on? Get real!

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He's a great source for conflict. Excellent torture device to have primed in the toolbox of narrative crafting.

Completely intolerable as a person. He should actually genuinely go to jail. That's not a joke. He's literally a repeat sex criminal.

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It is so fucking funny watching people act like they would've been any better than her. Like, no, I can assure you that if you were walked on and ignored to the degree that she was, for the amount of time that she was, you'd start smashing planets together, too. No one here is better than Aranea. Aranea handled that shit better than a saint would.

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Can you believe people act like the past was better? Lmfao.

We've made at least some decent strides in making sure the fandom is at least a little safer. Don't know why people are looking at a sordid past littered with terrible behavior and and an intense amount of porn of children and unironically parroting that cute little fascist "Reject Modernity, Embrace Tradition!" meme. What the fuck are you on about?

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We can't fucking win. Either we have to sit in a little pool of the same 15 guys and never really get anything fresh on the table, or we can bait new people in and suddenly have to deal with a million people calling WV "The Mayor" and condescendingly calling everyone whiny bitches when you correct them or literally defending segregation in your notes or something.

That last one isn't a joke. I've literally had people defending segregation in my notes because I pointed out that it's weird as fuck that the Racial Kingdoms exist in PostCanon. They started going on about how it's okay because they all "have different needs" (so do humans?) and "Carapacians can't talk anyway" (yes they can??) and "Consorts are biologically stupider" (WHAT). Like. Holy shit. You should get hit by a car.

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Your honor, he never even did all that shit!! Get your facts straight!! Stop getting all your info from 23rd-hand sources!! Think for yourself!! AAAAAA!!!!

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[crystaltoa]

Canonically, among the Turaga Metru…

Vakama and Matau are best friends.

Onewa and Whenua seem the closest to each other, having gotten over a lot of the differences that they had as Toa.

Out of the other Turaga, Nokama is the only one Nuju is close to.

Interestingly, out of these dynamics, only the first one really gets much attention in the fandom. Partly because it was prominently featured in Web of Shadows, and maybe partly because the other two pairs weren’t highlighted as much in the narrative (Greg typically put the Toa Metru to work in pairs that had more obvious differences and frequent clashes of personalities). And perhaps it’s also because Matau and Vakama are often shipped together romantically, (sometimes with Nokama in there as well), whereas the other two pairs are seen more as literal sibling relationships.

I think those friendships are pretty fascinating in their own right though. Onewa having a chip on his shoulder and acting like a mean, jealous older brother to Whenua at first, perhaps assuming Onu-Matoran led a more sheltered and privileged life than the Po-Matoran. Whenua deflecting his remarks with sarcasm and forced nonchalance since he’s dealt with bullies before, always bracing himself for the next cutting remark. And Onewa coming to realise their experiences aren’t a different as they thought. Stone and Earth are brothers, and they both got the short end of the stick under Dume’s reign. Whenua trusting Onewa enough to not resist having the Komau used on him as part of an improvised plan, and not being mad about it after the fact. And the two of them developing the sport of Kohlii together as Turaga as a fun way for Matoran to resolve disputes.

Nokama and Nuju starting out seeing each other as respected colleagues and gradually becoming more like siblings as the story progresses. Nokama confiding in Nuju because she knows he trusts her judgement. Nuju giving Nokama a hug to comfort her, and she actually accepts the gesture (in contrast to her reaction to Matau trying the same). The two of them having a friendly sparring match on the boat. The pair watching winter sports together as Turaga. The other Turaga and Matoro deferring to Nokama when Nuju’s being difficult because he will at least listen to her.

There’s just some really nice aspects to those underrated friendships. I love them.

[brightlight-dazzlingeyes]

moving slowly on a fast lane | cl16, cs55

charles leclerc x original female character x carlos sainz jr [+18]

🏁 synopsis: If you ask her, Katie will tell you she’s a motorsports enthusiast and that she works as a model. However, the world has given her various labels – fangirl, groupie, escort, you name it. Regardless of the terminology used, the undeniable truth is that women like her play a crucial role in the industry. Every race weekend, she is there not just to be entertained but to contribute to the entertainment, whether it's by being a pretty face at exclusive parties or by providing more intimate company for the pilots. warnings: smut; loss of virginity; threesome; age gap; misdescription of f1 behind the scenes (W.c. 2K)

| listen to the playlist |

PART I — GROUPIE LOVE

“Because you’re different.” Carlos explains, not really looking at her.

Charles, his head resting on her lap, winces at the response, quietly disagreeing with his teammate's answer. The trio, as usual, lies together on a king-sized bed in a luxury hotel.

It's summer in Latin America, and they're wearing light clothes. The windows are wide open, and the gentle tropical breeze is getting Katie agitated. Yet, it's all in vain because Carlos doesn't even move his eyes from the TV, watching a random tennis match.

Carlos and Charles label moments like these as 'teambuilding,' and usually, Katie is very good at getting them both in a good mood – calm and tranquil. But not today. Today, it's Katie herself who needs calming down.

For the past year, every race weekend, Katie wears her prized credentials like a badge of honor. In no time, despite being quite young and new to the scene, Katie seamlessly transitioned from a wide-eyed newbie to a face you couldn't miss. It wasn't a difficult feat, considering she has an unforgettable face with killer feminine features and a confident personality that could give the racers a run for their money.

Her presence in the paddock has transcended mere fandom – she's not just there to watch anymore, in a way, she became an essential part of the spectacle.

Things are still all rainbows and sunshine for Katie. Her life has turned into a never-ending road trip, always traveling with a team. The pilots still appreciate her – she’s still their untarnished muse – and she hasn't lost the thrill of the fast lane.

But Katie has been around long enough to see that feeling change in other women – the ones who've been on the circuit for ages, who've seen it all and maybe gotten a bit tired of the whole thing. It's hard for her to even picture herself in that spot, to imagine life being any different from what it is now.

Especially during the Canadian Grand Prix, that's when someone special took notice of Katie. An insider from Ferrari, whose name shall remain confidential; a person with a lot of influence within the team and whose role is not entirely undisclosed. This insider handed Katie a golden ticket: credentials and an invitation to join them on the road. 

No longer having to jump from bus to bus, Katie arrived with the Ferrari roadies. The sound of tools clinking as the crew was setting up everything for the upcoming race created a magical symphony. In that moment, as a witness of the behind-the-scenes hustle and with the anticipation building up for the race, the thought of ever going home doesn't cross her mind.

"I just want to help," she whines.

They're in Mexico now, and it's Katie's first time in the country. But for their first day, Charles and Carlos decided to stay in, saying they needed to concentrate. For Katie, witnessing moments like these were a job, the reason she felt like a part of the circuit. She would linger in the center of the bed, offering words of encouragement or simply watching a movie together. Sometimes there would be other girls in the room, sometimes it was just her. Regardless, things never ventured further from that.

“No, you’re bored. And that’s dangerous, honestly.” Carlos stands firm on his answer.

It’s not like he’s not interested in what she’s offering, or that he hasn’t thought about it – it’s the reason why she’s asking that’s bothering him. Charles, on the other hand, has been waiting months for an excuse. But he had a deal with his teammates and a commitment in maintaining the appearances; so he kept his mouth shut, trying to appear as if he was agreeing with everything being said.

“Then entertain me.” Katie asks.

Maybe it's the uninspiring color of the walls or the constant thud of the tennis ball from the TV, but Katie is genuinely bored.

“Begging is not a good look on you.” Carlos says, finally turning to look at her. He playfully flicks her forehead, but there's a fire in his eyes that Katie takes mental note of, a memory she'll save to use against him eventually.

PART II — GASOLINE

The soft hum of a distant air conditioner mingles with the rhythmic clinking of ice cubes in a near-empty bar. The bartender, wiping down the counter, shoots a casual nod in their direction. Katie sits on a stool, a cold drink in her hand, condensation leaving delicate droplets on the polished surface.

Emily leans on the bar, an easy smile playing on her lips. The bar stools around them remain unoccupied and the only soundtrack is the soft chatter between friends and the occasional clink of glasses.

Emily was Katie's first friend in the racing world, and their connection came from their shared love for fast cars. Emily, being a couple years older and having a couple years more experience in the racing scene, became a sort of guide for Katie. So, when Katie talked about feeling unsure, Emily felt like she had to share some advice. Their talk wasn't just a casual chat; it was a mentorship.

“Baby girl, just be completely yourself. Be yourself to the fullest, unapologetically you." Emily declares. “Everything we do here is for love. Don’t worry, Artemis will forgive you.”

Katie, wearing her trademark graphic t-shirt and mini skirt, watches as the ice in her drink slowly melts under the Mexican heat. At 19, she's a college dropout who left her family behind to chase the adrenaline-soaked circuits of F1.

But being a young impressionable woman in this testosterone-charged arena came with its own set of challenges. She feels herself staring at the edge of an abyss, ready to jump, but held back by the fear of the unknown. The realization settles in – once she takes that leap, there's no turning back.

Emily, carrying the confidence of someone who took that jump long ago, continues, "And I know it feels like women are not allowed to love. Every time we're passionate about something, no matter how we express it, we end up as the punchline to some misogynist joke. Even if I wasn't sleeping with these guys, people would still treat me like I was. They already made up their minds about me long before they met me." Emily shares. She’s talking about the scrutiny they face, especially within the high-stakes world of the paddock, is a reality they've grown accustomed to. The lingering gazes of multi-millionaires, the subtle condescension in their voices – it's all part of the package. “And we’re not even getting paid!”

PART III — DARK NECESSITIES

It’s only in Vegas that she manages to put her plan into action. Getting Charles alone in a room is easier than she imagined. There are no distractions here – no photoshoots, no interviews, no fans asking for autographs –, no one’s watching. The city’s energy seems to fade and they are completely isolated in a hotel room.

The night unfolds in the heart of Sin City, the stakes are high, and in the quietude of the hotel room, Katie wonders if she's playing her cards right.

For a moment, Katie sheds the layers of her public persona, existing only as a woman whose body burns with an unmistakable yearning for the man before her; a woman with desires as palpable as the heat radiating through the room.

Charles breaks the silence that hangs between them. "Katie," he murmurs, his eyes locked onto hers, "are you sure?"

Katie, her gaze unwavering, listens to his words, simply nods. A silent affirmation, a surrender.

"Good girl," Charles whispers, his fingers gently brushing her hair behind her ears. His lips trail down her cheek, seeking the softness of her neck. In this moment, he's attempting to play the part of a gentleman, aware that this is Katie's first time. His breath, a subtle inhale, captures the scent of vanilla on her skin.

She feels a vulnerability she never felt before. Her body reacts instinctively, welcoming him as a lover. She has been waiting for this moment for too long.

“You’re gonna let me touch you, hm?” Charles's voice is muffled as he gently kisses her throat. “You’re going to let me be your first?”

A combination of trust and apprehension lingers within her.

“Yes. Yes.” Katie gasps. She leaves behind any trace of inhibition left and is ready to let him do whatever he wants to her.

Charles, driven by a mix of desire and curiosity, is eager to explore and to taste every inch of her. He takes her to bed and slowly takes off her shirt and bra, kissing her shoulder and leaving little bites along the way. He traces the curves of her breasts with the tip of his tongue, making her euphoric, arousing her even further – making her fully realize just how much she craves his touch. Charles captures her nipple between his teeth, gently sucking on it until it becomes erect under his touch.

He lets his hand slide, under her mini skirt and on top of her panties. Feeling the warmth of his hand on her clothed wet core, Katie lets out a sigh. For her it feels like it takes forever until they’re both naked and Charles has his head buried in between her legs. His lips touch her clit and he’s patient with his kisses, enjoying her innocent taste as much as he can. Charles drags his tongue through the length of her slit, parting her lips with his fingers and sending shivers throughout her entire body.

Charles takes his sweet time opening her up. The neon glow from the outside world seeps through the curtains; as the night deepens, the city pulses with life, unaware of the affair unfolding within the walls of the hotel room.

For a brief moment, everything fades away and Katie’s breathing accelerates, her hips buck involuntarily against his fingers.

“Don’t stop!” Katie urges, desperate to reach her climax. She surrenders to pleasure, moaning loudly as Charles’s tongue explores her more sensitive area.

That’s when they hear a knock on the door. Followed by another. Whoever is outside starts incessantly banging their fist against the wooden door. Startled, they exchange a brief, wide-eyed glance.

“Who is it?” Charles calls out, his voice tinged with irritation; Katie remains wrapped in the bedsheet.

Without receiving an answer, the door swings open, revealing Carlos's stern expression. His eyes flicker between Charles and Katie, registering the scene before him.

"What the hell, Charles?" Sainz's voice carries a mix of frustration and disappointment. 

Katie feels a sense of exposure, caught between the two men. Leclerc, caught off guard, stammers in response, "Carlos, I... I didn't think you'd mind. It's just..."

Carlos's gaze intensifies, his disappointment morphing into a subtle betrayal. "We had an agreement," he says, his voice strained. "You weren't supposed to do anything without me." Carlos's eyes shift to Katie, his demeanor changing to one of confidence and dominance. "And you, young lady," he asserts, "you got what you wanted?"

"Not yet," Katie answers, a spark of defiance in her eyes. The tension in the room escalates, the air thick with desire. She notices Carlos eyes lingering on her exposed body. It feels empowering, intoxicating. The anticipation turns her arousal to a fever pitch.

“I want to watch.” Carlos states boldly, crossing his arms over his chest. “Since you decided you wanted to do this without me, at least be kind enough to let me watch.”

Katie doesn’t feel like she has a choice, her body has already decided what it wants. Charles lets out a quiet laugh, trying not to appear overly assured in this unexpected turn of events. He wraps his arm around Katie, pulling her closer. Her heartbeat quickens. When Charles reaches for her hand, she takes it, her eyes never leaving Carlos’s face. The pleasure pulsing through her is intense. Carlos moves and positions himself beside them. A second later, there is the unmistakable sound of Carlos's belt buckle being undone. He slips himself free.

Her attention turns back to Charles, who’s preparing himself to finally give her what she wants. She leans in to kiss him, inviting him deeper. Carlos’s eyes stay fixed on Katie as he watches Charles slip into position. Charles’s breath is hot on her ear, filled with lust and excitement. Her muscles are still tight from her lack of experience, but soon, she relaxes and lets go. 

He enters slowly, savoring each moment. Charles moans softly, eyes closing as he holds her close.  She bites down on her lip, managing to hold back her cries of ecstasy. This is her first time, so it hurts slightly, but also brings such blissful sensations that she can barely contain herself. The anticipation builds until, finally, she can take no more. "Charles," she whispers, reaching up to grasp his neck. Charles wraps his arm tightly around her waist, gently holding her in place. 

Her entire body shakes as her orgasm hits, her release ripping through her. When she comes down from the high, she hears Carlos exhale loudly. He doesn't move, only watches her in admiration.

She opens her eyes and looks up. Instinctively, Katie leans forward to take his member into her mouth. She enjoys every moment of his warm girth sliding down her throat. Charles continues to fuck her troughout it. She sucks harder, with passion, like she was made for this.  She realizes that, actually, she was. 

And with that realization, Carlos spills himself on her soft mouth. She pulls away from him, his seed dripping down her chin. She closes her eyes and returns her attention to Charles, still buried deep inside her, just in time for his release – he comes with a growl, guttural, moaning in her ear. 

Afterwards, they lie in bed together, recovering. Charles strokes her hair as Carlos cuddles with her. Charles gives her a gentle smile.  "You're really something special, you know that?" He whispers.