#fandom is like hotel california

[conundrumoftime]

Was discussing the pre-AO3 days of fandom earlier today, mostly in the context of dead archives and creators sending C&D letters to fan sites (funnnn times). And I went to look at my old fanfiction.net stories to see the kind of disclaimers I put on fic, and… I made that in 2005. 2005! It’s 19 years old! Goodness.

I mostly lurked and read in Tolkien fandom back then although I have a couple of stories from ff.net and LJ from 2004/5. I remember it being an intimidating fandom, or it felt like it to me; I remember we were all very worked up over Mary Sues (why? WHY did we care?) and I remember endless discussions about whether slash should be rated higher than het on ff.net’s new rating system (sigh); I remember the citrus scale.

But I also remember it as being such fun, as being the first fandom that took something I had loved since I was a child and said “hey, you can look at it this other way too”. I remember the delight of actually getting to read what other people thought happened on the Helcaraxë. I remember some of the absolute crackfic LiveJournal RP, too. And the people I met then, and the character songlists we swapped.

I hope you’re doing okay out there, fellow early-mid 2000s fandom people! And never assume you’re out for good - I had an 18-year gap in writing Tolkien fics but the elves have pulled me back in once again :)

[mister-eames]

Very grateful for this tiny little corner of the inception fandom that’s still going despite the fact this movie came out more than a decade ago. Also your thoughts, comments and tags on all Arthur/eames, jgl and Tom hardy content are 10/10, top qualité

Ahaha thank you, thank you x

As am I nonnie, and I'm very grateful you're here too!! I fell deep down the Inception rabbit-hole and joined the fandom in 2020/2021, and I was worried it'd just be me echoing into the void -- but I was pleasantly surprised to find an active fandom of absolutely lovely, kind and talented people. Everyone is really so, so sweet and welcoming. And we're still going! Inceptiversary 2023 is right around the corner, I'm so excited! <3

[cas---2y5]

Misha asked for how many people in the crowd was it their first supernatural convention and like most of the crowd responded and he paused, looked out at us, and was like “why are you here? You know this show ended, like, three or four years ago right?” lmaooo they all know we’re so ill about them

[whumpfish]

I would recommend Darren Shan's Cirque du Freak. ("Dad" figure is uh. Definitely over 40. But he's also a vampire, so do numbers even count at that point?) They're both equally essential to the narrative, and they do the found family thing awkwardly and sometimes begrudgingly but they do form that bond and it's just. Really cool and fun.

Darren gets whumped a lot. (Yes, the mc is named after the author. Yes, it's weird. We know.) Larten does too, but Darren more. Emotionally, physically, psychologically... the Big Bad has a Thing for psychological and emotional torment, and Darren does a lot of shit to get himself physically whumped that range from dumbass to brave.

Great read, great community, 10/10 would recommend

Do you know of/have any father-son recs?

Preferably where they’re both important roles, and preferably where they’re both younger(dad isn’t above 40-ish). Also preferably the son gets whumped a lot

Again I realize it’s been a while since you sent this ask but I’ve been thinking about it since I read it and I can’t think of any, unfortunately. They’re all outside of the parameters listed here.

I’m gonna keep looking though because it’s important to me that you get what you’re looking for! If I don’t find anything, I’m sorry. I’ll do my best!

[hetalia-club]

The funny thing is I about me and Hetalia is that I was out you know…. They say this fandom is like Hotel California and you can check out any time you like but you can never leave but I was truly out. I was free. I was completely over Hetalia. I hadn’t thought about it in 3 years. The entirety of Covid lockdown didn’t even bring me back to Hetalia. I was back to hyper fixating over Dragon Ball lore and memorizing powerlevels. I hadn’t even watched the new season and I didn’t really care to. Then I stupidly downloaded World Stars to watch on a plane ride to Florida and my then boyfriend now ex was being really REALLY mean to me that entire miserable trip we took together throwing a temper tantrum because it was too hot IN FLORDIA! Which it was his idea to go to btw he just made me plan the whole thing. He didn’t want to leave the room only to go get dinner so I started scrolling the Hetalia tag on tumblr because I was lonely and sad and just like that I was back in the trenches.

[assaily]

Feeding the fandom some more. :)

Working Title: Hide the Morning from the Stars Colloquial title: Mute Five Themes: I don't even know anymore

This is a Very rough draft. Like so rough I don't even think my tensing is consistent throughout. This is Five's loneliest first year of retirement ever. And also him hanging out with Grace.

Major warning for the beginning for suicidal thoughts and behaviors.

~Post Mute~

Five takes the gun out of his mouth, his tongue flexing against the heavy iron tang of metal. The weight of it is familiar and cold in his hand as he sets it down on the edge of the sink, his shaking fingers pressing the safety back into place.

He’s just being dramatic. It’s all those teenage hormones mixing badly with all the trauma Five honestly didn’t think he’d live long enough to have to deal with. Oh,  and one hell of a hangover. That’s all it is, dramatics. If he thinks for a minute, plans this out, he realizes how horrible of an idea it is.

He can’t make Mom clean his brain matter off the walls. That would be cruel, even for him. Dramatics. Besides, his siblings would hear the gunshot. He doesn’t really want them to find him. Klaus would summon him before he had a chance to cross over and they’d give him a ream of shit for making such a mess. The idea of being yelled at again is exhausting.

“Can’t you have done this at a hotel or something?” He can imagine them saying to his corpse, scoffing and shaking their heads in disappointment. They’re right, of course, he shouldn’t do this at home. 

He sighs, closing his eyes against the judgment staring back at him through the mirror. He tries to settle the shaking in his body but can only seem to draw it in, not vanquish it. He’s never really calm anymore. He wasn’t much before, but at least he could pretend.

These days it feels like every defense he’s ever built for himself has been stripped away, leaving him raw and naked and fragile in ways he can’t compute. It makes him nasty and hateful, covering himself in glass so that the moment someone reaches out, they bleed. He wants to be normal, he wants to be able to have a conversation with his siblings without thinking they’re judging him, and without picking a fight. He wants to scream and cry and beg them.

But he’s not sure what he would beg for, only that he wants something desperately, but something else inside of him, something old and stalwart and terrified refuses to let him ask. So he picks fights, he’s nasty without knowing why, and his siblings hate him for it.

He opens a drawer below the sink and tucks the little ruger beneath a pile of clean washcloths. This used to be his and Ben’s bathroom, but he’s the only one that uses it now. The others don’t really come up here, even less now that the honeymoon period has passed and they have no desire to keep him company anymore. 

Allison mostly lives in California now, Viktor lives out there too, but they both come to visit every couple of months, staying for a week at a time. Diego lives outside the house with Klaus, and recently Luther found a job that would pay him enough to afford his own apartment. He hasn’t moved out yet, but he’s actively looking.

This is what Five wanted, them living their lives and moving on, but he has to remind himself like he forgot. He wanted to give them the opportunities he never had, and he succeeded. He’s not sure why it feels so terrible now, but he suspects it’s only a symptom of the sickness sitting like a rot in his bones.

He makes a point of not looking at himself, wetting his hairbrush under the faucet in an attempt to tame his bedhead. The scratch of the bristles against his skin hurts, so he pressed harder.

Allison and Viktor are at the end of their visit, and everyone is in the house. They’d be gone by tonight, and the house would go back to the coffin it was without the others, but in the meantime, Five wanted to look at least a little put together for them. He doesn’t want them to worry, but with the constant arguing he figures he can get away with less and less grooming.

His hair is getting long and he hasn’t really had the energy to cut it yet. It’s getting a little annoying, the way it falls into his eyes and curls at the nape of his neck. He’d go to a barber if he thought he could get through the encounter without snatching the scissors away and ending the life of the poor girl unlucky enough to draw the short straw.

When he finishes, he finally looks back at himself. He still looks like garbage, his skin an unhealthy pallor, accentuating the dark circles weighing down his eyes. The water managed to tame some of the mess of his hair, but it’s obviously greasy, flakes of dandruff like ash on his scalp. His reflection glares back at him, anger and disappointment like a stone in his stomach.

He really is a dramatic bastard. Today of all days, he figured he’d leave it in the drawer. Playing the wishing game with all his siblings home. He can’t even deny that of the cry for attention it is. Disgusting, really. His siblings could probably smell him rotting from here.

He considers a shower. It would make him feel better, a little more human at least, before he goes downstairs and has to pretend at it. The idea of getting wet, and having to put his clothes back on with wet skin makes him grimace. He doesn’t want to be cold either, because he can never seem to get warm. No use making it worse.

He flicks the light off and  cracks the door behind him as he leaves. He shuffles back to his room to find something cleaner to wear. He should have washed his face, but now that he’s away from the mirror, he doesn’t have the energy to go back to it.

Mom keeps an ever revolving source of clean clothes for him, so that part of his routine is easy at least. He doesn’t have to think too hard about it, it’s the middle of winter so that means layers, and Five likes layers. They don’t really keep him warm, but that’s normal. No, he likes them because it’s a little like putting on a suit of armor. It’s just fabric, but it still manages to trick some animal part of his brain into thinking he might be a little safer. No more warm, but far less likely to freeze.

Which is an odd quirk, considering his insistence to play the wishing game every fucking morning.

In his defense, he doesn’t usually pull the gun out. He usually he just stares at the whelp in the mirror, wondering why the fuck he’s still here when he feels this horrible all the time. Then he bucks up, cleans up, and moves on with his day.

The ruger is just… He put it there in case of emergencies. Doesn’t hurt to have a few weapons hidden around the house in case the commission decides to come knocking again. He’s not sure when he started pointing it at himself. It’s a bad habit. There are better ways, less violent ways. Ways that don’t make a mess for his family to clean up after him.

He’s just being dramatic. That’s all it is. Nothing more. Being a teenager sucks. He remembers how much better things got when his hormones weren’t through the roof, making his emotions sharp and fragile all the time, making the loneliness so much harder to ignore.

This too shall pass, he would always say to himself. Over and over, like a prayer to an unloving universe. Please, just let it pass. Five is pretty sure he doesn’t really want to be alive anymore, but he also hates wanting to die. It puts a grayish filter on everything, on every thought and interaction. He’s alive, and hates living. Worse than surviving and already feeling dead. There’s a certain numbness to the in-between space of not wanting to be alive, but not wanting to kill himself either, and he yearns for it now in the throes of a worse agony.  

But again, he’s just being dramatic. Pesky hormones. This too shall pass and all that. 

He dresses quickly, changing from yesterday’s sleep rumpled long sleeves and sweaters into cleaner ones. He reuses a layer, the fabric of a knitted shirt warm in his nearly numb hands and it’s not something he wants to waste. The bottom hem on the back is dirty, and there’s a food stain on the front of it. It still smells vaguely like the alcohol he drank last night, but he puts it on as a middle layer. His hands are easily swallowed in the outer layers, and he has the idea some of it might belong to Diego. He stole a number of garments from them all last fall, and plans to give them back at the end of spring, if he makes it that long.

Spring still feels so far away, it’s hard to think that far ahead.

Five looks like shit, and he feels like shit, but he still dares Diego to say anything about it when he arrives downstairs. He walked the first part, then warped the last floor into the kitchen once he got close enough. The air was warmer down here, the heaters worked better on the ground floors, and no one had lived in the upper floors until recently. It was his first winter home, and he almost wonders if it’s worth trying to fix. Might be easier to just move, but he likes his bedroom high above the street. He spent a lot of last summer drinking on his fire escape; it’s familiar in a wildly unfamiliar world.

“Hey,” Diego greets, giving him an appraising look but not saying anything about the fact that Five’s wearing one of his sweaters.

Five nods a greeting before he busies himself pulling a mug from the cupboard and getting a cup of coffee. The pot’s still on and half-full, likely courtesy of Mom, so it’s a short lived distraction. He almost wishes he put something in his coffee so he has an excuse to linger without making it awkward.

“I heard you and Allison got into a fight last night,” Diego says, a hint of sardonics in his voice. “Well, pretty sure the whole block heard.”

Five grimaces behind the rim of his mug, throat too tight to take a sip. It seems he’s always fighting with someone.

“Nothing to say, huh?”

Five’s pretty sure he said enough last night, regardless of how little he even remembers. Might be time to lay off drinking, even as he already wishes for something to put in his coffee. He shrugs his shoulders, throat still tight and getting tighter. It’s almost hard to breathe and his head is pounding.

Diego sighs, sounding exhausted. “Look, I’ve been talking the othe–”

Five doesn’t hear the rest, pulling himself through a tear in space. He stumbles out the other side, managing to set the coffee on his desk before his knees buckle and he topples to the floor. He lays there for a while, wheezing softly and trying to catch his breath. There isn’t much going through his head, besides how grateful he is that he saved his coffee. There was no way in hell he was going down for another.

-

He helps Mom with chores in the evenings, usually after Luther’s gone to bed and the house is painfully silent. She hums while she works, washing the dishes and cleaning up after dinner. Five sits in with her, finishing up any leftover in the pots or pans. He follows her like a ghost back upstairs, and helps her fold laundry. The laundry room is usually pleasantly warm, and Five sometimes dozes off listening to Mom hum, sprawled out on a table.

When she’s finishes with all that, she heads into the library and settles down on a couch someone had moved there in the months following their return. This is a newer part of her routine, one that Five created with his presence and can’t make himself feel bad about. The blanket draped over the back is a deep verdant green and pleasantly soft texture.

Mom settles on one end, picking up a book from the table besides the couch. He’s not sure when she started reading, or if she always did that and he just didn’t remember. For some reason it makes her seem more human. Sometimes she reads heavy tomes of obscure information, sometimes it's children’s fantasy.

Five collapses onto the couch beside her, leaning his weight against her side and sighing in the deepest relief as she wraps her arm around his shoulders. He beyond caring at this point, and Mom’s not one to judge. He rests his body against her’s for a while, breathing with her simulated breath, forcing himself to relax and finding it hard.

He still can’t get himself to stop shaking, and now with an arm around him, his vulnerabilities and hurts come bubbling up like blood from a wound. He can’t pull it in, his hands shake horribly in his lap, and clasping them together just seems to make it look worse.

She never opened her book, and she senses his distress instantly, something he hates and can’t help but be grateful for. She doesn’t ask him what’s wrong, merely pushes the book away and turns toward him to give him her full attention.

It’s too much and he nearly begins to sob. 

She shushes him gently when he swallows it down, one of her hands tracing his cheek before pulling him to rest his face against her. He wraps his arms around her back, clinging to her like a child, like he never had before and feels so stupid to do now. He can’t stop himself, it all hurts so much and he just wants it all to end. This doesn’t make him feel better, but it makes him feel something else beside the horrifying nothing eating at his bones.

She runs a hand through his hair and down the nape of his neck. He feels her hand pause and come back to his kneck, searching for his pulse. He pulls away, both out of confusion, and to allow her more access. Her face is neutral, but she frowns minutely at him before tucking his head against her.

“You’re experiencing heart palpitations,” she says, not at all asking.

He was ignoring up until now, the way his chest was tight and his heart was doing uneven little leaps and lurches. It was hard to get a full breath in, constricting in his throat, too. He nodded against her, swallowing hard when the words refused to come.

“You’re temperature is a little elevated. How are you feeling darling?”

Horrible, he tried to say, but while his mouth worked around the word, his throat spasmed silently.

[dreamwatch]

Get to know me tag game

Thanks for the tags @gleek4twd and @tinytalkingtina! 💗

Favourite colour: I genuinely can’t settle on one. I think I’m mostly drawn to blues and greens, teal and lavender colours.

Last Song: Hotel California by the Eagles. (On my Eagles bullshit again, brewing a Steddie WIP…)

Currently reading: Pfft, what am I not reading? I’ve got 200 tabs of fics open on my iPad and I’m jumping around all over the place, but mostly Steddie Big Bang fics at the moment.

Currently watching: Season 4 of Slow Horses, and going down multiple YouTube rabbit holes. Current obsessions include wood turning, submarines and air crash investigations.

Currently craving: PPIs. No joke, I have severe GERD and I need to do a test that requires me to be off my meds for 10 days minimum so they don’t fuck with the results. It’s agony, and all I can think about is chomping on Omeprazole on Friday.

Coffee or tea: Coffee, vats and vats of it. I’d mainline it if I could.

A hobby you would like to try: Shit, there’s not many I haven’t already tried tbh. Dressmaking/sewing/quilting I think, quilting in particular. I’ve always said if I ever move anywhere with enough room I’m going to buy a sewing machine.

An AU you’re working on/thought of: Okay, none of these are being worked on, I’m not committing to another big fic until I finish the ones I’m already writing, buuuuut…

An Officer and a Gentleman. That ending gets me every fucking time, and I don’t know how I would Steddiefy it but I’d try. Steve in the Zak role and Eddie would obviously be his Paula. ❤️ I like it too because there is plenty of angst in the movie. Lots to play with.

A Star Is Born. I mean, pretty self explanatory that one, but it hit me recently that this would be perfect fodder for Steddie. Eddie in the Jackson Maine role (I mean, you could do the 1937, 1954 or 1976 versions instead, but I’m thinking 2018), and Steve in the Ally role. Full of romance, angst, drama and a bit of whump, delicious.

Ok this is the one I really want to write: Vietnam War. It’s a special interest for me, I have a lot of books on the subject, I’ve watched the Ken Burns doc more times than is healthy, and my first major fandom was The A Team, which was pure 80s action entertainment for the family, but the fanfic… oh, the fanfic. ❤️ This is the one I’ve given really serious thought to, but it’s also the one that needs a lot of research. I have a starting point, Eddie receiving his draft letter, coming home from work and Wayne at the kitchen table with the letter in his hand, absolutely dejected because he knows what it is. Thing is, I’m not sure that it’s a big sprawling epic of a plot that I want to write, more moments in time, vignettes, and maybe not all Eddie POV either. I have an idea for Jonathan meeting Nancy, who is an army nurse, and them falling in love. I think a series might work better, I dunno. But yeah, it’s always rattling around at the back of my mind.

God, I really waffle, don’t I?

No pressure tags as always, apologies if you’ve already been tagged and apologies if you really don’t want to do this.

@jo-harrington @the-unforgivenn @thisapplepielife @kikidoesfanfic @vthx @occasionaloverboy @hitlikehammers

[smaller-comfort]

2024 fanfic year-in-review!

tagged by @tearitar tagging @ocelly, @kyuohki, and @the-starry-lycan if you want- and anyone else who'd like to!

number of stories posted to ao3: 14- which averages out to more than 1 a month and that's fucking astonishing

word counted posted for last year: 107,457 WHAT. Granted 10k of that was Love Is War which mostly was written in 2010 but STILL.

For some perspective, my total ao3 word count, which includes stuff I wrote going back to 2005, is 144k. That's a 289% increase! what! the! fuck!

fandoms i wrote for: Sea of Stars, The Messenger, Twice Dead King/Warhammer 40k, and Assassin's Creed.

pairings: Aephorul/Resh'an (philosopher's bone(r)); B'st/Resh'an (musical theorems); Oltyx/Yenekh (monster boyfriends); Djoseras/Zultanekh; Altair/Malik/Maria; Monk/Ninja

stories with the most kudos, bookmarks and comment threads: Hilariously, Love Is War has the most kudos. I'm not sure it should count, though. (I promised an update, and I swear I'll do it this year.) Love Is War and A Certain Slant of Light are tied for most bookmarks. And Hotel California has the most comment threads and second-highest kudos, which makes sense because it's got the highest chapter count.

work i’m most proud of (and why): Every time this question comes up I seem to have a different answer- right now I'm  proudest of Love Is Not All, because it was my first exchange fic and I was leery of my ability to finish. It pushed me way out of my comfort zone, and I'm proud of myself for that.

And I think it's a very fun story overall, but my favorite part is the ending- it kind of wraps up with my thesis statements for both characters as they approach biotransference. Djoseras in particular is an extremely difficult character for me to get my head around, and when I wrote out that scene it really helped to make him click in my head. (It's the closing scene, but it was one of the first parts that I wrote.)

work i’m least proud of (and why): I love all my children equally! Once something gets to the point of being posted, I have to be proud of it.

There are certainly places where I think I could improve, but a lot of that comes down to my writing style shifting over the course of the year. I'm still trying to figure out my own voice.

(I'm not that satisfied with the shopkeeper chapter of hotel california)

share or describe a favorite review you received: man. every comment is cherished, but some of the comments/responses to Dreaming Still and A Light Exists In Spring made me cry.  I was in kind of a "crawl into a hole and never speak to anyone ever again" frame of mind when I first posted Dreaming Still, so those comments were the blessed dopamine shot I needed to get my head back in order. And for ALEiS, it was the weirdest/most niche thing I'd written at that point, and I was not expecting such an enthusiastic response. For both of those stories, I had comments that pointed out themes I hadn't even realized I was writing- and as a writer, that's really the most incredible feeling in the world.

Also shout out to that person who comment-spammed most of my SoS fic with tons of quotes and emojis. You are a shining star in the sky, a bright beacon of light in the darkness, I owe you my life/my firstborn/a slice of cake, etc.

Sea of stars fandom has spoiled me rotten when it comes to comments, and I love all of you.

a time when writing was really, really hard:  uggghhhh right now actually. Christmas killed my momentum and now I keep making hissing noises at all of my wips instead of actually writing anything. words r hard, brain iz dumb.

Summer was rough as well, although in retrospect I actually got quite a bit of writing done. My brain was being astonishingly awful for a lot of it.

a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: 

Aephorul, in general. Most of Save Scumming. The way B'st just completely came in with a steel chair and usurped Resh'an's spot as my favorite character- though in retrospect, that shouldn't be surprising, given that he's kind of tailor-made to appeal to me.

The last chapter of Hotel California happened almost entirely by accident. I later found out that the Shopkeeper/Muse theory is a pretty common one, but at the time it made me feel slightly feral. Shared fandom braincell; the games force you to extrapolate a lot, and its very fun to see what conclusions people arrive at independently.

a favourite excerpt of your writing: 

“I don't blame you." Aephorul turned to lean his head against Resh'an's, and press a kiss against his brow. "Not anymore.” “Maybe you believe that, too.” He closed his eyes, listening to the echo of the false heartbeat in Aephorul's body. “And maybe we're both better at lying to ourselves than anyone else ever was.” Aephorul's arms tightened around him. He didn't say anything; there was nothing more to be said. They held each other together, and the stars moved in their slow, inevitable circuit above them.  > Continue? Maybe not quite yet; you can rest here a little longer. You've got all the time in the world.

I get excited whenever I can tie things in different stories/different scenes together. The cyclical mirroring thing that Resh'an and Aephorul do in all my fic is mostly intentional, and kind of integral to the way I approach their characters. So the way the ending to Save Scumming refers back to the ending to Loser Takes All is one of my favorite things about it.

(But I'll be honest, sometimes this happens unintentionally; there's a really funny repetition in YMTE(E) that I didn't catch until after I posted chapter 2, but I actually love that it's there.

Theres that post that's like "sometimes as a reader you just want nine carrot cakes in a row" and I have embraced that philosophy wholeheartedly.)

how did you grow as a writer last year: I wrote so many words! So many. Just an absurd number of words, gosh.

I think I'm getting better at taking risks and being less apologetic about what I write.  Don't get me wrong- I do think I'm hot shit, actually. I'm not reflexively apologizing for the quality of my writing, just the content; the mortifying ordeal of being known gets me every time. I used to get hysterically panicked every time I posted something, and now I don't, mostly. Progress!

how do you hope to grow this year:  I'd like to try writing longer, plottier things; there are some wips (outshine the sun, the obyron/zahndrekh thing) that I've been avoiding because I'm not confident enough in my ability to execute. I'd like to find that confidence.

Also 2025 is the year of the snake so idk I should really write more monsterfucking. Get weirder and hornier about everything, write some new kinks, push myself further out of my comfort zone.

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc.): so many people. most of what I wrote this year probably wouldn't have happened at all if not for the friends I've made here on tumblr. Fandom is this perpetual game of "yes, and" and it's been a delight getting to play it with all of you.

I struggle a lot with making and maintaining connections with other people in general, so just know that if we've talked or interacted at all over the past year, it means a lot to me.

anything from your real life show up in your writing last year: ahahaha oh god. Well, the setting for my modern AU is really just places I've lived with the serial numbers sandblasted off. And in lieu of doing actual research, I'm just pulling from my own memories of the early 2000s for the college-era au. (It's not autobiographical at all; my memory is so fucked that it's really just vibes at this point anyway. But those vibes specifically are very much 'being queer and closeted during the bush administration wasn't great, actually.')

There's also a bunch of the medical/mental health stuff that comes from my day job, but most of that is pretty obscure. Again, rather than actually doing research, I prefer to just absorb the stuff that's going on around me at any given time. Sometimes this is my growing familiarity with all the ICD-10 F codes, and sometimes this is all the things I wish I didn't know about my coworkers' sex lives. *sighs very, very deeply*

any projects you’re looking to starting (or finishing) this year: I don't really think ahead about starting things; I'm kind of always just flying by the seat of my pants. But I definitely want to write more snecrons, and finish all of my current posted wips. So, Love Is War; the parting is all we know of heaven series (which has an actual plot trajectory, I swear); You, Me, Them, Everybody (Everybody); Devotional. And then there are the wips that haven't gotten posted yet, like all the various Etudes stories, the sequel to Save Scumming, and half a dozen other modern AU things.

I'd love to clean up/expand some of my very old ffvi fic, too. Mostly, I'm looking forward to writing more! It's been a trip; I hope 2025 is just as productive.

[billywhoringrove]

I feel like as a fandom we recognize that Billy is all alone in Hawkins but what about Steve. When Billy arrives in Hawkins Steve is coming out of a break up, he lost his best friend, and from what we all believe he doesn’t have active parents who care about him.

Steve has the kids but he is 17 years old he needs someone his own age to hang out with. Input Billy (after they decide to put the fight behind them). Billy who has about zero chill and very little will to live. Shows Steve a side to having fun he never knew was possible. With Tommy it always felt like he had to prove something.

But with Billy it’s random rocks being thrown at his window to go for an endless drive to no where. Sneaking into clubs in Chicago and dancing like no one there cares who Steve is. Billy convincing Steve to get a fancy hotel on his Dads credit card just to rack up the room service bill because this is what “sticking it to the man is pretty boy”. Long nights high on California weed that Steve refuses to admit is actually better than the Indiana shit. Weekends spent in thrift stores with Billy begging Steve to ditch the polos, milkshakes at the only diner in town at 2am, and laughing. A lot of laughing.

Steve finds himself throughout his friendship with Billy. And if he happens to discover he is in love with him too. Well who better to love than your best friend.

[frenchfriez15]

About me

A few things to know about me and all that jazz

Age: minor! Not comfortable with sharing exact age

favorite color(s): Cobalt blue, jade green, mint blue, and more shadow colors!

Favorite number: 15!!

pronouns!: she/they(I prefer those!)

favorite singers: Sodikken, Jack stauber, miracle musical, the living tombstone, hazbin hotel soundtrack, most vocaloid stuff, mean girls musical soundtrack, Olivia Rodrigo, Penelope Scott, Taylor swift, and Sabrina carpenter(ITS A WEIRD COMBO I KNOW)

fandoms is in!!: Welcome home, DDLC, kinitopet, miraculous, gravity falls, helluva boss, Hazbin hotel, Hatsune Miku, FPE, Murder drones, poppy playtime, BNA, Bea and puppycat, Komi can’t communicate, muppets, gorilla tag, VR chat, Sesame Street, Wednesday, Taylor swift(💀), animal crossing, ANYWAYS there’s a lot😰😭

hobbies: DRAWING!!! Until I feel like I have carpal tunnel😊, collecting Mee Meows(I LIKE CATS OKAY!!!), drawing online, chilling with my friends, talking to myself, taking to my stuffies, wanting to go to boxlunch and hot topic, listening to music, laughing at nothing!, and looking at memes!

FACTS!!!: anyone I follow on tumblr is who I basically consider my idol, besides Clown (Creator of welcome home, @partycoffin CAUSE LIKE OBVIOUSLY HES LIKE MY #1 IDOL✨) are other good(AWESOME) artists I hope to one day be as great as! This consists of @up-above-in-the-clouds, @i-ate-your-dog-srry, @the-doodle-cave, @lumashiki, @qep0ermint, @frillsand, and @sketchquill !! There’s a few more but I think these people are awesome, yes I know I’m weird for barely knowing these awesome beings and considering them idols- BUT ITS ALL WEIRD HERE!, another fact I HAVE TICS! Not Tourette’s but a few symptoms!, I have bad social anxiety!! And just regular anxiety, paranoia, overthinking, my mom thinks I have ADHD(??), annnnd I might be bipolar??, my birthday is June 8th!, I love winter!!, I’m in California!!(but super pale somehow 🥲), I like watching LaurenZside! And a few GT YouTubers..and animators!, I play VR!! Mostly Yeeps hide and seek, Gorilla tag, and sometimes VR chat!, I LOVE KETCHUP, I have too many fictional crushes🫡, and I have a BESTIE(S) you should sub to her since she really wants to go live! Her YouTube is @WhiteKnees123(she deleted her old YouTube channel which was @Me_potato23! But now she has one video so..meh she’s still awesome though! I got her into Flipaclip and she’s been animating since so YAY✨)pretty sure I’m maybe Asexual?? I’ll have to wait and see! Also maybe Demi-girl and non-binary!

ANNNND that about sums it up!! Sorry there was a lot in there! But that’s about me ig?? ✨✨

And here’s Kinito judging me!!

And a few more😬

[p-redux]

Everyone from that boat were at the same hotel. Please investigate better. It was a corporate event and all were there. Does that mean he is dating every woman on that boat? No.

I am all for your side of this fandom, but your “detective” work needs work!

Ohai shipper in disguise...hahaha

The one who needs to investigate better is YOU. My Peak Challenge is based in Los Angeles. The staff is based in Los Angeles. Yes, it was a staff event, but since they live in Los Angeles, there was NO need for anyone who lives in L.A. to stay at a hotel. DOH. The ONLY ones who stayed in a hotel were the out of towners: Sam Heughan from Scotland and Susie Evans from Texas.

Let's look at some of the main guests on the Marina Del Rey boat video posted a few days ago with the My Peak Challenge crew.

I won't post a pic of Alex Norouzi because everyone already knows he lives in Los Angeles.

But here is Melanie Raymond, the woman who posted the Marina Del Rey video on her Tik Tok account. This is her role in My Peak Challenge 👇

Here is her Tik Tok account. Where does she live? LOS ANGELES. 👇

Even Sam's long time Scottish friend, Marina Campbell, who was also on the boat NOW lives in Los Angeles aka in SoCal aka Southern California. 👇 Kudos to her for talking like a native now. As an aside: People outside of SoCal say Cali. People in SoCal NEVER say Cali. You can tell someone IS NOT from California if they refer to it as Cali. It's SoCal, dudes. Or I guess if you're in Northern California, it's NorCal. It might as well be a different state though. Now you know.

Here is Melissa Polson, the ONLY one that was on the boat that follows Susie Evans. And she ALSO lives in Los Angeles. Here she is at SoFi Stadium, yes IN Los Angeles. 👇

Here is another MPC crew member who was on the boat. Guess where he lives? LOS ANGELES. 👇 Anon, are you seeing a pattern yet?

My Peak Challenge crew live in Los Angeles. None of them stayed at a hotel, let alone Shutters On The Beach in Santa Monica, one of the MOST expensive hotels in Los Angeles. The MPC crew drove from wherever they live in L.A. to Marina Del Rey where the boat was docked, partied, and then drove home...in Los Angeles.

The only ones who were not from Los Angeles and stayed at a hotel were Susie and Sam. And as I said in a previous post, there is NO reason for Susie to have stayed in a $5,000 a NIGHT suite all by herself. If she was visiting L.A. for whatever reason, and was friends with one of the MPC crew, she would have stayed at one of their houses OR stayed at a $200 a night hotel, like a normal person. But NOPE, our Texas darlin' most definitely stayed in The Beach House $5,000 a night Suite at Shutters On The Beach in Santa Monica 👇 And so did...

One fine, golden, delicious Scotsman named Sam Roland Heughan. 👇

There's the detective work, my friend. 🤷‍♀️😘

[quickreaver]

I love your arts I found in A03 making gorgeous J2 and Sam/Dean fanfiction look more gorgeous and your own writings and work. So far, it's not a question, but a devotion declaration. Any plan to inundate the web with more of your gorgeous art? The way you portray J2 and Sam and Dean is stellar. Thank You ❤️

Aw, thank you! I'm sure I'll keep doing SPN fanart now and again, but I've got a lot of IRL stuff requiring SO much attention. You know the SPN fandom, tho: it's Hotel California. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave. I super appreciate the compliment! Thank YOU!

[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

In Another Life

Fandom: Top Gun: Maverick, Bad Times at the El Royale, Robert "Bob" Floyd, Miles Miller, f!reader, Soulmate AU

Summary: It's so hard to say goodbye to the one you love. But even at the end, you remind Miles that you'll see him again. Even if it isn't in this life….

Word Count: 1058

TW: Soulmate AU, Hurt/Comfort, Cancer, Reader Death/Rebirth, Happy Ending

Notes: Thank you to @slightly-psycho-multifan for sending the title for the made-up title game! I ended up running with it and I hope you like it!

You were fading fast. They had told you there was a better chance of survival due to your young age but in the end, it didn’t matter. Between the multiple rounds of radiation and the war being raged within your body, you just didn’t have the strength to fight for much longer and you knew it. That’s why you were happy that you had been able to convince your husband to check you out of the hospital and bring you home to the hotel. The El Royale wasn’t much, but it was home. It was where you and Miles first met. And it was where you wanted to spend your final moments.

As another coughing fit hit you, Miles was suddenly at your side with a glass of water. Carefully, he helped you drink it then sat down in the chair next to your bed. Once you had caught your breath, you gave him a weak smile and whispered, “Thank you, baby.”

He nodded, then looked away but not before you saw the tears glistening in his eyes. You tried to reach out to take his hand, but he pulled it away. With a soft sob, he cried, “This is all my fault!”

“What?” you asked incredulously. “Miles Miller! How in the world did you come to that conclusion?”

“God’s punishing the woman I love for my sins. For all the horrible things I did during the war.” His shoulders began to shake as his sobs intensified. “It should be me laying in that bed, not you.”

“Miles, look at me.” This time, you didn’t take no for an answer. You grabbed his hand and held on as tightly as your frail body would allow. He stopped fighting you and slowly turned to face you. “This is not God trying to punish anyone. It’s just my time. I know it’s a lot shorter than either of us expected but we still had so many wonderful years together! Years I wouldn’t trade for anything.”

“But I can’t lose you, bumblebee!”

“You’re not. We’re just saying goodbye for now.” You reached up with the hand not holding his and wiped a tear off his face. “Do you remember what you told me the night we met? When you saw me in the lobby for the first time?”

Miles nodded, running his thumb over the back of your hand. “I said you looked awful familiar. Like someone from a dream I once had.”

“And what did I say?”

“You agreed and said it probably meant we were soulmates or something. That we must have met in another life before.”

You smiled at the memory. You had only meant to stop at the El Royale as you were passing through on the way to find yourself in California. However, you found everything you could ever want and more in Miles, so you never left. Now it seemed as if you never would. 

Trying to clear the lump in your throat, you said, “So if we met before in another life, I know we’ll meet again sometime in the future. Just please take your time coming for me, okay? I don’t mind waiting.”

Miles buried his face in the crook of your neck and you could feel his tears dampening your skin as you ran your hand over his curls trying to soothe him. Though it was muffled by your neck, you heard him cry, “I love you, my bumblebee. In this and every life.”

“I love you too, Miles. And I promise, I’ll see you in our next adventure.”

You were running late for the first briefing of this new Top Gun assignment. The irony that you– a pilot –were late because there was an emergency and they had to find someone else to fly your commercial plane from Nevada to California was not lost on you. Neither was the fact you would have gotten here sooner if you had just rented a car like your sister suggested. But you were here now, though you were disappointed you missed the gathering at the Hard Deck the night before. 

Just as you were about to fling open the doors to the hangar, you heard someone behind you shout, “Look who the cat dragged in!”

You whirled around with a wide grin and threw your arms around Phoenix. “Hey! You didn’t tell me you were going to be here!”

“Neither did you!” she said, hugging you back. “I thought you might be but when I didn’t see you last night, I figured they made a mistake in their selection process.”

“Nope, just a delayed flight.” You pulled back and for the first time noticed Phoenix wasn’t alone. “And who is this?”

“Oh, this is my new WSO, Bob. And before you ask, yes, that is his callsign.”

But you almost miss the last part that she said as the world around you seemed to fade slightly. You stared at the man, your head tilting slightly. There was something so familiar about him but you couldn’t put your finger on it. Maybe it was his sparkling blue eyes that radiated kindness. Or the timid way he held himself despite the strength you could see within him. Or the soft pout that pulled at his lips as he stared back at you with the same curious expression. The glasses and hair were throwing you off slightly, but you definitely knew this guy from somewhere. 

You stuck out your hand. “Have we met? You look awfully familiar.”

“I-I don’t think so. I don’t think I could ever forget someone like you.” His face grew red as he took your hand and gave it a surprisingly firm shake, his thumb grazing across the back of your hand. “But I don’t know. I-I feel….”

He trailed off but you knew exactly what he meant. It wasn’t something you could put into words. It was just a feeling deep in your chest unlike anything you had ever felt before. Like an ache that you hadn’t ever even realized was there suddenly fading away. You felt….. whole.

However, you weren’t going to tell this stranger that, so instead you said, “Yeah, it’s weird. But who knows? Maybe we knew each other in another life or something.” Still shaking his hand, you smiled. “Regardless, it’s nice to meet you, Bob. I’m Bumblebee.”

Taglist:@nik2blog, @dumb-fawkin-bitch, @shirley2996, @luckyladycreator2, @valoraxxx-blog @m3laniehearts, @autumnleaves1991-blog,  @rule107, @vintageleather, @impossiblebagelcowboyfreak, @slutforadambanks, @americaarse, @reneki, @ynbutbetter , @sugarcoated-lame, @imagineadream, @sadpetalsstuff, @salty-thembo, @rachelizabethgraham, @duckandrobin, @queenbbarnes, @grincheveryday, @uselesslyromantic, @choochoo284, @littlebadariell, @blue-aconite, @thescarletknight2014, @jamesbuckyburns, @a-sweet-little-fangirl, @happyblogstuff, @randomlifeunit, @boringusername3, @lclove2012-blog, @3tabbiesandalab

[50-states-50-pynch-fics]

Do you write fic for The Raven Cycle and The Dreamer Trilogy (or do you want to)? Does the epilogue of Greywaren leave you yearning for more about what Ronan Lynch and Adam Parrish do in their post-canon life together?

Then this is just the thing for you!

50 States, 50* Pynch Fics is a fandom event seeking exactly what it sounds like: fifty-one Pynch fics, one set in every state and Washington, DC, following these two assholes around as they go about the United States together, fixing ley lines and doing other magical nonsense in their post-canon lives.

Have you ever wanted to write Pynch running into Bigfoot in the Pacific Northwest? How about having a grand old time in Palm Springs?

If you answered yes to the above, or if you have other ideas about Pynch interacting with cryptids, this is the place for you!

Sign up here!

FAQ

What fresh hell is this?

This is an attempt at a fandom event. In Greywaren's epilogue, we learn Ronan is wandering around working on ley lines and Adam works for "an organization with a dot gov email," and that they often work together across the United States. I thought it'd be fun to follow them on that post-canon journey and write a fic set in each of the 50 states (plus DC).

Is there a deadline?

Nope! I want this to be as low-key and low-stress as possible for everyone involved and there's no hard deadline for posting fics. Life happens. Stuff gets in the way of writing. All I ask is that if you claim a state, you make your best effort to post the fic for it, and if it ends up you're not in a place to write it, just contact me.

Is there a word count requirement?

Again, nope! Write a microfic, write a drabble, write 100k. Write however much or as little as you want.

What can I write?

Literally anything. Fluff, smut, hurt/comfort, whatever you feel like. Go crazy. And if you feel like an AU, I'm not gonna stop you. You don't even need to know anything about a state. Pop them in a hotel room and say it's in Montana for all I care. What if you can't contain yourself and want to write fics for the entire West coast? Go ahead and write fics for Washington, Oregon, and California. I won't stop you. And if one fic for Maine doesn't satisfy you, write more! Multiple fics per state are welcome.

How do I sign up?

There's a prompt challenge here on AO3 with all 50 states and Washington, DC. If you want to write a fic for a state, hit the "Claim" button for that state. Please note, I have never created a prompt challenge before and I'm still trying to figure out how this thing works. If you run into issues, just contact me. We'll figure this thing out together!

Ultimately, I just want everyone to have fun. That's what fandom is all about. So let's write and read some great fics!

- @kelliealtogether, who doesn't know what the hell she's getting herself into so please be patient 🥰

*Though Ronan would be pleased if I went "Fuck Washington" too, we can't leave out DC. 😌

[edierone]

Umm hi I'm a bit new to the txf fandom and while I love Mulder, I'm about 10x more obsessed with (and attracted to) Scully but unfortunately and bafflingly (for me) most of the blogs I've encountered so far (except yours) seem to be more..Mulder-focused?.. Basically I want to follow more people who thirst after Dana Scully, could you recommend anyone? (No offense to Mulder fans, I'm just very gay)

hello, and welcome to this hotel-california-ass fandom! you are for sure among your people 🤗 I think the easiest way to find more simpatico posters is to follow the little breadcrumb trails of posts to find blogs that you like – when I or someone else reblogs a Scully-thirsty post, see who made it (the op), and maybe check out a few of the people who recently rb’d it too; sometimes it was just a one-off from somebody more multi-fandom, but you might find a treasure trove of scully pics/gifs/takes.

meanwhile, i’m trying very hard to come up with some names to recommend – but it’s as if by reading the question, every one of the hundreds of people follow (and have for YEARS) has been completely erased from my brain!!! gaaaahhh. ummmm … @leiascully, @thatisadamnfinecupofcoffee, @nimlurks, @iconicscullyoutfits — c’mon Scully gals, raise your hands, help our new-ish gay sister out!!!

[numberonenat]

i asked chat gpt to make a playlist based on each one of the brothers of obey me…

here's part 2 and 3: the dateables + luke / the side characters

here's what it gave me:

lucifer:

"sympathy for the devil" by the rolling stones

"smooth operator" by sade

"devil inside" by INXS

"demon" by imagine dragons

"lucifer" by SHINee

"bad guy" by billie eilish

"personal jesus" by depeche mode

"no rest for the wicked" by lykke li

"highway to hell" by AC/DC

"dark horse" by katy perry ft. juicy j

"i put a spell on you" by creedence clearwater revival

"power" by kanye West

"black magic woman" by santana

"boulevard of broken dreams" by green day

"wicked game" by chris isaak

mammon:

"can't stop the feeling!" by justin timberlake

"money" by pink floyd

"material girl" by madonna

"don't stop me now" by queen

"irresistible" by fall out boy ft. demi lovato

"i want it all" by queen

"rich girl" by hall & oates

"break free" by ariana grande

"gold digger" by kanye west

"born to be wild" by steppenwolf

"counting stars" by onerepublic

"uptown funk" by mark ronson ft. bruno mars

"i love it" by icona pop ft. charli XCX

"shut up and dance" by walk the moon

"take a walk" by passion pit

leviathan:

"nerd" by three loco

"all the small things" by blink-182

"the real slim shady" by eminem

"anime" by riton & kah-lo

"superhero" by 5 seconds of summer

"loser" by beck

"gamer" by karliene

"virtual insanity" by jamiroquai

"no tears left to cry" by ariana grande

"in the end" by linkin park

"radioactive" by imagine dragons

"the middle" by zedd, maren morris, grey

"numb" by linkin park

"gangnam style" by psy

"last friday night (T.G.I.F.)" by katy perry

satan:

"bitter sweet symphony" by the verve

"imagine" by john lennon

"bohemian rhapsody" by queen

"hotel california" by eagles

"hallelujah" by leonard cohen

"smooth" by santana ft. rob thomas

"time in a bottle" by jim croce

"wish you were here" by pink floyd

"somewhere only we know" by keane

"black" by pearl jam

"dust in the wind" by kansas

"vincent" by don mclean

"blackbird" by the beatles

"under the bridge" by red hot chili peppers

"sultans of swing" by dire straits

asmodeus:

"vogue" by madonna

"glamorous" by fergie ft. ludacris

"beautiful" by christina aguilera

"i'm too sexy" by right said fred

"fashion" by david bowie

"confident" by demi lovato

"glam" by christina aguilera

"fancy" by iggy azalea ft. charli XCX

"manicure" by lady gaga

"glamourous indie rock & roll" by the killers

"G.U.Y." by lady gaga

"primadonna" by MARINA

"supermodel (you better work)" by rupaul

"gold digger" by kanye west

"diamonds" by rihanna

beelzebub:

"sugar, sugar" by the archies

"banana pancakes" by jack johnson

"all star" by smash mouth

"don't stop believin'" by journey

"i want to hold your hand" by the beatles

"lean on me" by bill withers

"stand by me" by ben e. king

"with a little help from my friends" by the beatles

"three little birds" by bob marley & the wailers

"can't help falling in love" by elvis presley

"i'll be there for you" by the rembrandts

"count on me" by bruno mars

"lean on me" by club nouveau

"i just called to say i love you" by stevie wonder

"better together" by jack johnson

belphegor:

"enter sandman" by metallica

"lose yourself" by eminem

"don't wake me up" by chris brown

"sweet dreams (are made of this)" by eurythmics

"lazy song" by bruno mars

"sleeping in" by the postal service

"dreams" by fleetwood mac

"mad world" by tears for fears

"lucid dreams" by juice WRLD

"wake me up when september ends" by green day

"hotel california" by eagles

"boulevard of broken dreams" by green day

"i don't want to miss a thing" by aerosmith

"talking in your sleep" by the romantics

"no sleep 'til brooklyn" by beastie boys

this was fun lol

except for the repetitive ones, i acctually liked this - even with the ridiculous or that make no sense...

i'll definatelly make a part 2 with the side characters and maybe with characters from another fandom. i'll put the link here when i do it.