#fancy sirius and bold remus

[engie-ivy]

(Part Two of There's Bound To Be Talk Tomorrow! Happy New Year! 3rd of January isn't too bad for a New Year's fic, right?)

1378 words

Read Part One here

Sirius doesn't need anyone to save him, but when a charming man wants to steal him away, he isn't going to say no.

How Lucky That You Dropped In

Baby, It's Cold Outside - Frank Loesser

“Lady Lestrange says her son might be willing to consider you again,” Walburga Black hisses in Sirius’ ear. “If you show enough regret and humility.” Before Sirius can open his mouth to reply, her fingers dig painfully into his arm. “I do not have to tell you how lucky we are that he's even willing to speak to you again, after that stunt you pulled at the Christmas benefit gala. I explained to the Lestranges that you were suddenly indisposed, and did not want to ruin anyone's evening, and therefore requested a server to escort you out.” Her nails press into his skin. “Stick to that story, and we may be able to salvage this mess of your creation.”

Sirius had already refused to pay Rabastan Lestrange a visit to grovel at his feet for forgiveness for leaving without word at the Christmas benefit gala, and beg him for another chance by attending this New Year's Eve party together. As Sirius had feared, his mother had then turned to Regulus, and told him he had to attend with Rabastan, for their family's sake.

But Regulus had surprised everyone by refusing. “You- You always say that- that honour is the most important thing for a Black,” Regulus had stammered. “And I've promised Evan I'd attend with him. I can't- can't go back on my word! That'll make me… dishonorable. Right?”

Walburga had placed her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes, and then she had started scolding him, calling him selfish. Regulus had shrunk in on himself, and just when it looked like he was about to give in, Orion Black, who hardly ever involves himself with his children, had spoken up. “The boy is right.”

And that had been the end of it.

Sirius jerks his arm loose from his mother's grip. “I already told you, mother,” he says pointedly. “He was awful, he made me feel awful, and I had an awful time with him. In no way do I wish for him to ‘consider me again’.”

Now he doesn't have to worry about Regulus being placed by Rabastan’s side in his stead anymore, Sirius does not allow there to be any confusion regarding his feelings towards the man.

“You insolent little…”

While her mother is still hissing insults under her breath, Sirius simply walks off into the crowd. At least his mother can't cause a scene in a place as public as this.

Sirius wanders through the crowd aimlessly, trying to ignore lingering gazes and avoid people trying to stop him for a conversation.

“You disappeared on me,” a voice behind him suddenly says.

“Rabastan,” Sirius says, as he turns around.

“People said some waiter was bothering you, and that you left with him,” Rabastan continues. “But surely even you can't be that desperate for attention that you would sink so low.”

Sirius forces himself to smile. “I felt miserable at that event, while you seemed to be enjoying yourself a great deal. The waiter suggested stepping outside, and I agreed, so you could stay and enjoy your night.” There. Technically the truth, without implying any ill intentions towards Rabastan.

“I know what you're doing, Black,” Rabastan says, taking a step forward. “You're playing hard to get, hoping that by letting me think I can't have you, I'm only going to want you more.” He grins in a way that makes Sirius’ skin crawl. “Well, let me tell you,” Rabastan suddenly takes another step forward, crowding Sirius’ space, placing one hand on his waist and leaning down, whispering so close that his lips almost brush Sirius’ ear. “You're absolutely right.”

Sirius freezes, completely taken off guard. Just when he jerks his head back, he hears a voice behind him.

“Mister Black? There's a phone call for you at the front desk.”

Gratefully, Sirius turns towards the receptionist from the high-class hotel the party is being held at.

“If you could follow me please?” The young blond woman requests in a measured, polite tone.

Sirius nods and rushes after her, eager to get away from Rabastan.

“So, where do I-?” Sirius begins as he approaches the front desk, but then he hears a voice behind him.

“Hi there, don't you look fetching.”

Sirius whirls around. “Remus!” He exclaims, his face lighting up. “What are you doing here?”

Remus grins at him. “I'm here to steal you away.”

“Oh?” Sirius asks, raising an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

“Yup,” Remus replies, jumping from the table he had been sitting on. “Not to sound arrogant– I mean, if you want to listen to arrogant men, staying at this party actually seems like the best option– but I think I can give you a better time than you can have here.”

“Well,” Sirius says. “Only one way to find out, I suppose.” He holds out his hand. “Lead the way.”

Sirius’ stomach does a flip at the bright smile Remus directs at him. Remus takes his hand and starts dragging Sirius towards the door. “Thanks a million, Marls!” He calls over his shoulder. “I owe you big time!”

“Don't you worry, Lupin,” the receptionist replies, sounding a lot less professional than before. “I'll figure out a way for you to make it up to me. And you were right, by the way,” she adds, leaning with her elbows on her desk and resting her chin on her hand. “He is very dreamy.”

“What is that?”

“It's not the newest model,” Remus admits. “And it's a bit rusty here and there, but I promise you that it does the job. It'll work perfectly fine as our getaway-”

“Bicycle,” Sirius finishes dryly.

“And what's wrong with a bicycle?” Remus asks airily. “It's dependable, a lot more inconspicuous than a motorcycle if you want to sneak away, and a lot less polluting.”

“I thought you loved my motorcycle!” Sirius gasps.

Remus looks at Sirius from over his shoulder as he unlocks his bike. “I love the sight of you on your motorcycle,” he smirks.

“I'll take it,” Sirius laughs.

While a bicycle might be inconspicuous, Sirius and Remus are anything but. After three failed attempts of Remus cycling in a slow pace so Sirius can jump on the back to sit on the carrier, both of them are laughing so hard hotel guests are peering out the windows to see what that's all about.

Eventually they succeed, and when Sirius has his arms wrapped around Remus from behind, tighter than strictly necessary, and his cheek rests against Remus’ back, he realizes bicycles really aren't so bad.

“You're going to murder me, aren't you?” Sirius complains. “This is how I die. This is what I get for going off with strange men.”

Remus just chuckles as he leads Sirius up the narrow, wooden stairs of the old, dingy flat he brought Sirius to. When they finally reach a rusty door at the top of the final flight of stairs, Remus unlocks it with a key he fishes from his pocket and pushes the squeaky door open.

“Wow,” Sirius whispers.

There's a small space where the rooftop is flat, and from which you can overlook all of London. The space is covered by a blanket, and on the blanket are a cheap bottle of champagne and two glasses, plus a box of leftover Christmas cookies.

“You like it?” Remus asks softly, taking Sirius’ hand.

“Like it?” Sirius beams at Remus as he turns towards him. “Remus, I love it!”

From their spot, they have a perfect view over all the fireworks lighting up the sky above London. While the fireworks must be quite a beautiful sight, Sirius can't imagine it can compare to the look in Remus’ eyes before he kisses him at midnight.

Their lips meet while fireworks explode above their heads, unnoticed. When they break apart, they rest their foreheads together and gaze into each other's eyes with similar smiles on their faces.

“You know,” Sirius whispers, taking Remus’ hand and tangling their fingers together. “If you keep stealing me away like this, at some point I'm not going to want to return.”

Remus smiles. “You know,” he says, while reaching out to brush a strand of hair behind Sirius’ ear. “At some point I'm not going to want to let you go.”

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

"Sirius was my childhood crush. I was silly around him. I was ten years old and I remember I locked myself in my room, put on some Brenda Lee records and drew hearts with our initials in them, or his name inside a heart....

I dreamed about marrying him when we got older. I wanted for him to be my first kiss. My first boyfriend. My first everything. I thought he was the most beautiful boy in the world. He was the owner of every love song I listened to and the protagonist of every scene I imagined in my head. He made my head spin and my heart beat fast. I knew love because of him... "

"And now?" Lily asked, bringing Remus to the present.

Remus blushed after what he had just confessed. He felt like an idiot now. But back then, when he was ten years old, before his transition and all the fucked up shit in his life, Remus used to be a hopeless romantic. And Sirius had fascinated him.

"He still owns my heart" Remus confessed. It was the truth. Hard and clear.

Lily sighed as if she was hearing the most beautiful love story. It was nothing beautiful. It was torture.

"But in a different way" Remus added "Sometimes I really want to strangle him" he chuckled.

Lily stared at him with those emerald eyes. Her eyes flickered towards the spot where Sirius was laughing on the couch with Alecto Carrow. She was sitting too close to him. Showing him something on her phone. Remus didn't want to look.

"But he doesn't feel the same, obviously" Remus sighed as well "I am his best friend and a boy. And we know he is into girls"

"Many girls for my liking" Lily rolled her eyes, then gave Remus a pitiful smile "What are you going to do?"

Remus shrugged "Probably forget about him" he said "Don't worry about it, Lils. I'll be fine... "

Lily hugged him and kissed his head gently. "You deserve better, Remus"

What they didn't know was that Sirius was openly staring at Remus. Confused by his feelings and how much he had been thinking about him lately. Definitely not like a friend would.

"What about him?... Sirius!" Alecto elbowed him.

Sirius moved his eyes to Alecto's phone where there was a picture of a shirtless bloke. A very attractive one. Sirius’s eyes stared and stared at the torso of that man.

"I know he looks bold, but I do really have a type... I mean I used to fancy you" Alecto giggled.

But Sirius kept staring at the picture. What if he liked this? If he liked Remus would it mean he would like every sexy bloke? Would that make him gay?

Sirius swallowed.

"Sirius!" Alecto exclaimed "What do you think?"

Sirius was kind of panicking.

"I know what you are thinking" Alecto snorted "I should not find such handsome bloke or otherwise you'll get jealous..." she smiled.

Sirius faked a smile.

"Please... No one like me" he winked making the girl laugh.

But in the corner of his eye, he spotted Remus again.

[soulfullives]

“are we telling him?”

“fuck, no.”

“jealous, prongs?”

a snort. “no, obviously not, it’s just that—”

“i’m trying to sleep,” remus moaned.

“he’s alive!” james exclaimed, throwing his arms up and wrapping them around remus, which earned him a wince. “sorry, mate.”

he finally opened his bleary eyes and found himself where he usually resided after the full moon; his friends were looking at his expectantly, and remus suddenly felt horribly naked, which he wasn’t, but having someone (or, rather, a specific someone) look at him like that had that effect of him. he wasn’t exactly drawn to the idea of someone seeing him in such a state.

“tell me what?” he asked, bringing up a bandaged wrist to his eyes, trying (rather unsuccessfully) to rub the sleep away from him eyes.

“ah, well,” sirius said, grinning, “a certain prefect stopped by to wish you a speedy recovery and,” he scratched his chin, his eyes sleepy, too, ““all her best”.”

lily, then. well, something worse could have happened. like him slaughtering someone in cold blood. or sirius, james and peter having been caught by madam pomfrey in the shack. or snape coming to the hospital wing and prancing around smugly, glaring at remus as if he could open his skull and read his secret off from there in big, bold letters.

“oh,” was what he answered with, accompanied with a smile. “well, if you see her, tell her i said thanks.”

“prongs will see her, all right,” sirius grinned; remus earned a questioning eyebrow.

peter cackled, which earned him a smack from james. “well, you see, as you might know, our dear friend’s a head boy now.”

remus rolled his eyes. “really? it’s not like you wrote to me first thing after finding out.”

“yeah, well. he apparently ran into evans before duties yesterday, or more like went on the same route and bumped into each other. and scored himself a date with her next hogsmeade weekend, since this one she’s on duties with sluggy. or the slug club. whatever.”

“what!?” remus demanded, a little bit too loudly, which he immediately regretted, for his voice was hoarse. he looked around for madam pomfrey, trying to see if she would berate him for his outburst, yet she didn’t. “what!?” he asked, again, a little bit more quietly.

sirius nodded, lounging in his chair at ease. “prongs is finally a big man. aren’t you?” he patted james’ cheek affectionately. “peter earned himself a detention for that weekend, so i guess it’ll be just the two of us them. fancy calling a date?” he asked, grinning.

remus hoped his face hadn’t turned as red as he felt it would, once his cheeks and ears heated up. he and sirius were… complicated. by complicated, he meant snogging behind their friends’ backs whenever they had a spare moment, yet nothing more. however, something had shifted in their dynamic, and it felt like a bleeding wound. remus wanted to press his fingers to it, to get an explanation before there would be nothing left of them. why was he thinking of wound-blood metaphors? what the fuck.

“sure,” he beamed, grabbing a chocolate frog off the nightstand. “date, then.”

[wastelandmoony]

Déjà Vécu: Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty : I Wanna Be Your Dog

Summary: Everyone has secrets.

Characters: Remus Lupin/Reader, Sirius Black/Reader (no use of y/n), James Potter, Petter Pettigrew, Regulus Black, Marlene McKinnon, Mary MacDonald, Lily Evans

Warnings: none.

Déjà Vécu Masterlist

Companion Playlist

Read on AO3

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July 24th, 1975

We did it.

The letter was short and nondescript, but she knew exactly what James was referring to when the piece of parchment was dropped through her open window by a familiar tawny owl. They had done it. The boys had finally become Animagi.

She chose not to respond to the declaration, for the sole reason of not really knowing what to say. The three of them would undoubtedly tell her the moment they reunited, though she was concerned about how they’d break the news to Remus. 

A month prior, during the final week of their 4th year, Remus had received a letter from his father during breakfast requesting (leaning more towards demanding) that he return home for the summer. James was put out when he read it, having made plans to have both Remus and Sirius stay at the Manor for the entire summer. Obviously, James and the other two boys had used his absence to their advantage, finally completing their almost two-year-old plan to become Animagi.

She had worried about Remus ever since departing Kings Cross, writing him every day in their shared notebook. He had been apprehensive to return home, having not spoken to his father since the previous winter. Ultimately, Remus had told her that he believed his father asked him to visit to keep up appearances. Allegedly people began to inquire about Lyall’s son, a subject the elder Lupin vehemently strived to avoid. The bright side, Remus disclosed, was that his father largely left him alone, giving him plenty of time to read and do whatever he fancied. 

Crumpling up the letter from James, she rolled off the bed and moved the needle over on the record player in the corner of her bedroom. Marc Bolan’s voice echoed softly as Monolith ushered her thoughts away.

———

September 1st, 1975

“Alright, out with it then,” she scowled at the three giddy boys sitting in the train compartment. James and Sirius were grinning ear to ear, Peter on the other hand was trying to hide his elation. They hadn’t spoken to her upon their arrival on the platform, instead Sirius grabbed her hand and dragged her inside the train. Once seated with the door firmly shut, the three boys were vibrating with excitement. Remus had yet to arrive, so time was of the essence to get this out in the open.

“We did it,” James finally spoke.

“Yes, you made that clear in your note. Do you care to elaborate at all?” She crossed her arms.

“A dog!” Sirius was practically jumping out of his skin. (No pun intended.)

She gave him an exasperated look, “What?”

“I’m a dog!” He whisper-screamed before transforming into a large shaggy black dog. 

“Sirius!—“ She tried not to shout, watching wide-eyed while the dog jumped up onto the seat and wagged his tail so hard into James’ face that it knocked his glasses off. As James leaned down to pick up his lost spectacles, Sirius changed back and sat down.

“Sorry, mate,” he laughed at his best friend, who smiled back, not even the least bit perturbed. 

“Sirius, you can’t just change forms whenever you want! What if someone walked past and saw?!” She could throttle him right here, right now, in this train compartment.

He shrugged, “But no one did, did they? Relax, Yellowjacket.”

His cavalier attitude about this was mind-boggling. 

She looked at James, her expression incredulous, “and what about you?”

He beamed, “A stag.”

She knew he wouldn’t be as bold as Sirius to change form right now, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t interested in seeing it.

“Tell her yours, Pete,” Sirius kicked at the boys’ leg, leading to a grimace from Peter.

She looked over at him just in time to catch his eye roll.

“…a rat,” he murmured. 

Sirius slapped a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. James looked down at his lap, biting his lip to contain his own chuckling.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s lame,” Peter grumbled, slumping down further in his seat. 

“It’s not lame, Pete,” she tutted, “Rats are pretty cool, they can sneak into the tiniest spaces. I think it’ll be really useful.”

His mouth gave the tiniest upward turn, just as Remus threw the compartment door open. 

“Hello, lads,” he stepped over Sirius’ outstretched legs to get to his normal spot by the window, “Why’re you all so quiet?”

She hadn’t realized they had been staring at him. They hadn’t even discussed when the other three were planning on unveiling their secret to him, and she doubted they would do it right now, not with the risk of Remus taking the entire revelation badly.

She took it upon herself to break the silent tension, “Did you hear, Lily made prefect!”

At the mention of her name, James immediately straightened. 

Sirius rolled his eyes, “Great, now we’re going to have McGonagall’s trained guard watching us 24/7.”

James crossed his arms, “Lily wouldn’t tell on us like that.”

“Oh, because you know her so well?” Sirius sneered.

James punched him in the arm, “I don’t need to know her like that. We just…have a connection. I can feel it.”

Sirius furrowed his brows, and then immediately burst into a fit of laughter, “A connection? You’re delusional, mate.”

She shot Sirius an annoyed look, to which he threw his hands up innocently.

“Am I wrong?”

“You’re being rude,” she sighed, “leave him alone. We never made fun when you were in love with Mary.”

“Not to his face…” Remus mumbled while digging through his bag.

Sirius stared at her from across the compartment, face unreadable, but his eyes were practically burning through her, “I was never in love with Mary.”

Something about the way he was staring made her unwilling to break the contact. Her heart raced as his blue eyes finally left hers, following James as he stood up and went to the compartment door.

“Where’re you going?” Pete asked, sounding the most nervous she’d heard him in a while. 

“I’m going to congratulate Gryffindor’s newest prefect,” James smirked as he slipped out into the corridor. 

The door clicked shut quietly, and she glanced back over at Sirius. The intensity in his gaze was gone as he kicked his feet up on the now-vacant section of the bench seat.

“Five Galleons that she jinxes him,” he grinned.

“Make it ten. But I bet she’ll just ignore him as usual,” she said.

Sirius shot her a wink before leaning his head back against the wall, “You’ve got a deal, love.” 

———

She smirked as Sirius slipped her the money under the table in the Great Hall. His fingers brushed against her palm lightly, sending a chill up her arm. 

“Pleasure doing business with you, Black,” she pushed the feeling as far down as she could.

James had just joined them at the table, having spent the rest of the train ride with Marlene and some of the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team talking strategy. 

“I can’t believe she’s still friends with that slimy git,” He grumbled as he sat on the bench beside Sirius. 

“Who…?” She followed his narrowed gaze to see Lily walk through the gilded doors with Severus.

Mary rolled her eyes, “Trust me, we’ve been trying to figure it out as well.”

She dipped her head as McGonagall strode past the table, having once again transfigured her Hufflepuff robes to blend in with her friends. A double line of first years trailed behind the professor, their little faces full of every emotion from fear, to anxiety, to pure excitement. She turned to Sirius across the table, who was presently in the midst of a heated conversation with James and Marlene. She remembered his face as they had stood side-by-side waiting to be sorted, how pale and afraid he was. Regulus popped into her mind, the way he had looked at her with such disgust that day on the train when Sirius failed to show. Things could have been so different if he wasn’t placed in Gryffindor. She wondered if they would’ve stayed friends. A piece of her believed it, but all logic points to the alternative. She shook her head, the thought of it was almost too much; the five of them being fractured.

“You alright?” Sirius said softly across from her.

James and Marlene were still gesticulating about whatever, but his focus had turned to her. Concern stitched his brow as she gave him a half-smile.

“Of course, just thinking about our first time seeing the Great Hall. Do you remember?”

“I remember you falling off your broom the next day—“

She went to kick him under the table, only for him to move slightly to the left.

“Bastard…” she whispered, as he smirked, “I’ll get you back for that.”

The heat in his eyes threw her off, “Do your worst, Yellowjacket.”

———

The feast wound down as it usually did, with plenty of laughter and a few minor arguments (most courtesy of Sirius). Dumbledore took to the lectern and asked for all prefects to escort the new first years to their respective dormitories, concluding the evening with another one of his vague anecdotes. 

“I should probably make an appearance at my own table before anyone catches on,” she said as she gathered her bag. Sirius quietly mumbled the incantation for the transfiguration of her robes back to yellow, holding her gaze for a moment too long. Enough for her to feel the heat rise to her cheeks. 

In an attempt to hide her slightly flustered state, she turned towards Remus to say goodnight, only to see him stand up and fumble with something in his hand. 

“Where’re you going?” James said across the table, mouth still filled with dessert.

Remus began to play with the lapel of his robe, “I, erm—“

He took his hands away from the fabric and she saw the small pin, a crest with a scarlet engraved P.

“You’re…a prefect?” The question barely left her mouth she was so hurt. Not at the new role, but that he had kept something so seemingly innocent from her. 

Remus didn’t look at her, “I’ll—I’ll see you later.” 

She watched as he quickly ushered the small group of first years out of the Great Hall with Lily in tow. 

“Did you know?”

She turned to see James starting at her in disbelief. Shaking her head, she stood from the table and grabbed her bag, “No…I had no idea.”

“This is unbelievable,” Sirius said as he got up to leave, “we’re practically untouchable now!” 

She kept silent as the four of them left the hall, Peter and James turning to head up the main staircase to Gryffindor Tower, while she began the journey down to the lower floors.

“Oi! Where’re you headed?” James called from halfway up the stairs. 

She hadn’t realized Sirius was still beside her.

“I’m going to walk her down, I’ll be up shortly. Don’t touch my Honeydukes stash, Pete!” Sirius pointed an accusatory finger towards them.

She shook her head, “You don’t have to—“

He cut her off with a look, “I know Remus usually walks you down the first night.” 

Words failed her, so instead she kept her head down and let Sirius lead her towards the kitchens. 

At the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room, they lingered. She stared at the golden wood barrels and fought back every urge to cry or scream. Frankly she wanted to do both.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said quietly.

She turned to look at him, “…why would he keep something so trivial from me? I tell him everything, he’s my best friend.”

She felt the tear slide down before she could stop it, and Sirius was immediately pulling her towards him, wrapping her into a tight embrace.

“You know how he is, he’s a mystery,” he said as he rested his chin atop her head, “Who knows why Moony does half the shit he does.”

She inhaled slowly and counted to ten, grounding herself in the smell of smoke and spice, the warmth of Sirius’ body pressed against hers. 

“I don’t think he meant to hurt you, not intentionally,” Sirius trailed a hand down her spine, the softest touch that sent her head spinning. 

She pulled back, she needed to be alone. Between Remus’ lies and Sirius’—well she didn’t really know what was happening with that right now—she needed to unravel the emotional knots threatening to choke her.

“Thank you for walking with me,” she said, “you didn’t have to do that.”

Sirius kissed the top of her head, “Remus isn’t the only one who can look out for you,” he began to back down the corridor, “Goodnight, Yellowjacket.”

[dont-mind-if-i-slytherin]

RP list

Thought I would update my fandom and RP list. I mainly RP on discord but will do tumblr if needed. I tend to have nsfw themes so over 18's only please.

I also love a good oc x oc plot, so if none of the pairings take your fancy still message because I'm down for literally 99.9 percent of things. Only got a couple of hard no-nos

Bold are who I play, some I will be comfortable playing either.

Either like this post or send me a dm if you're interested.

Shameless

Ian x Mickey (I can play both but I'm more experienced playing Mickey)

Lip X OC (a milkovich cousin, you know gallaghers and Milkovich are peak pairings.)

Red white and royal blue

Henry x Alex (can play either just prefer playing Henry)

Sex education

Eric x Adam

Death Note

L x Light (will play either)

Shadowhunters

Alec x Magnus (can play both)

Our Flag Means death

Black Pete x Lucius

Once upon a time

Emma x Killian (will play either)

Harry Potter

Remus x Sirius (can play both)

Fred x Hermione

Harry x Ginny

Draco x OC

OC x OC

Sex Wizards

Olbriec x Dom

Arlon x Dom

Oc x OC

Star wars

Cal x Merrin

OC x OC

Marvel

Spiderman x Deadpool.

Makkari x Druig (will play either)

Inception

Arthur x Ariadne

Eames x Arthur

Merlin (bbc)

Arthur x Merlin

Glee

Blaine x Kurt (again, will play both)

Roswell New Mexico

Alex x Michael (will play either)

Game of Thrones

Gendry x Ayra

Last of Us

Frank x Bill

Queer as Folk

Brian x Justin

Criminal Minds

Spencer X OC

Hotch X Emily

Morgan x Penelope

Hunger Games

Finnick x Annie

Haymitch x Effie (play either)

Descendants (think this is a little obvious on who my favourite character is)

Mal x Harry

Jay x Harry

Jay x Carlos

Uma x Harry

[person4924]

Sirius Black - Comfort Crowd: An Essay

TW: depictions of child abuse and blood (not too specific I don't think)

Notes: Bold = Lyrics from the song Regular = Explanation 

I’m using They/Them pronouns for Siri too in this! (just in case there was any confusion with grammar or anything)

Comfort Crowd. Somehow even the title holds meaning to Sirius?? I have no idea, maybe I’m utterly insane. But at first glance, if you hear the term comfort crowd you might think, like a crowd you find comfort in. Like a group of friends you feel safe with, and in the song, it may mean that (or not idk). But in the context of Sirius Black it means finding comfort in the crowd (I switched the words you see!). Which means that they just find comfort in being in a crowd, being around people. 

“This hurt that I’m holding’s getting heavy. But I’ma keep a smile on my shoulders ‘til I’m sweaty” This line is so Sirius in so many ways. They will physically glue a smile on their face until it rips their face off to anymore. They will crack jokes until their mouth is physically glued shut. 

“Beggin’ on my knees screamin’, ‘someone come and help me’. But by the time they’re there, I’ve already hid the body.” When their parents would curse them, they would scream for help, even though they knew (falsely) that no one could hear them (Regulus always could). Then, when they would inevitably lose consciousness, their parents would hide them in the cellar until they woke up (or would keep them there for days as a punishment sometimes). 

“My breath’s getting short and I’m unsteady, wellin’ up in tears as I lay upon your belly. Telling you, ‘I’m fine I don’t really need nobody’ But you say through a sigh, that I said that lie already.” WOLFSTAR. So whenever Sirius would wake up from nightmares and have panic attacks, Remus would see (they’d be sleeping together so it was hard to miss) and Remus, being Remus, would try to comfort Sirius but then Siri would say the lie, “I’m fine, I don't really need nobody.” I have the headcanon that when Sirius is upset or is being comforted, they would (sort of purposely sort of not) make their grammar really bad so it would seem like it's less important and they didn’t really care. Anyways, this shows in this statement. Because in general, they would have impeccable grammar (because of how they were taught as a kid). So Remus in maybe first or second year noticed this (his hard-crushing/denial era!) and took note (“They see right through me they see right through me…). So then whenever Sirius would start talking with really bad grammar or anything, Remus would notice they were upset and/or were lying. So then Remus would say, “You said that lie already” and sigh because, Why couldn’t they just talk about it? Then obviously Sirius would take this as Remus getting annoyed with them and not wanting them anymore, and they would get defensive (somewhat deflecting) and then ask “What was that about?” and then would end in an argument of some kind.

“I just needed company now. Yeah, I just needed someone around. Yeah, I don’t care what song that we play. Or mess that we make. Just company now.” Sirius was always a people person. Ever since they were little, they could dazzle the whole room and were always the center of attention at fancy dinner parties (whether the attention was good or bad). But as they got older, they craved the attention. They needed it to be okay. If people weren’t paying attention to them, then why were they there? If people were there, around them, paying attention to them, then they could pretend. It would be okay. If they could smile and crack jokes, they were still alive. And if they were still alive, then that was enough. That’s all they needed. Sirius wouldn’t care what they did, how they did it, how much trouble they got into, just as long as they were around people. 

“We rot, thinkin’ lots about nothing. Yeah, I could spend a lifetime just sitting here talkin’” In the early years, before the war, before everything. Like in 1-3 year, they would all just sit, listen to music, and talk about nothing but what seemed like everything at the time. And as Sirius sat there, they thought they could spend a lifetime just sitting there, talking about nothing and everything at once. 

“And even if I cry all over your body, you don’t really mind. Say you like your shirt soggy.” Once again, WOLFSTAR. So sometimes when Sirius would have nightmares, they would just start crying. Silently, always silent. But Remus (being the lightest sleeper ever) would always wake up anyway, and he would just hold Sirius’s head into his chest and let them cry. I don’t think Remus ever literally said the words “I like my shirt soggy” but I think this line just kind of symbolizes what this means and is kind of an unspoken thing. Like, cry into my chest, I prefer my shirt soggy anyway and it would just kind of be like an unspoken thing. Eventually, Sirius would just fall asleep like that, Remus rubbing circles in their back or playing with their hair, and it wouldn’t be spoken of again. This would happen multiple times though, especially after Sirius escapes. 

“We mess around and laugh too loud” So I think this just kind of symbolizes all the marauders. Like they mess around pranking. And laugh too loud at night or in the astronomy tower when their supposed to be asleep. 

“By blood, we’re bound. Through ups and downs, through smiles and pouts.” So I think this entire line is just like James and Sirius. I think definitely at some point when they were young (like 1st or 2nd year) they made a blood oath. Like they were climbing a tree or something or James cut his hand on something or whatever. And then Sirius said “OOO! We should make a blood oath, so then we’ll be real brothers! We’ll be bound by blood” (or something like that, I don’t know how kids talk). Then Sirius picked a bug bite or something that would bleed, and they became blood brothers (if you get this reference, marry me). Then the other half of the lyric, “through ups and downs, through smiles and pouts” is like just friendship, through ups and downs, through whatever they were going through, they were there for each other. No matter what. They were brothers after all. 

“Comfort Crowd, you can always count.” This line I think can have double meanings, so I’m gonna go through both! 1) so the first meaning I think it could have is something that I talked about before. Like how Sirius finds comfort and crowds. And so this means like in disguising yourself in a crowd, you can always count on. Like if your on the verge of a mental breakdown, just throw a party or surround yourself with people, it works. 2) The second meaning I think would be contradicting myself but whatever. So I think it could mean like their friend group is their comfort crowd. A crowd they feel comfortable in. And then it just means it’s a group of people they could always count on (until they die lol). 

In Conclusion! I am completely and utterly insane. I am also very un-normal about Sirius Black and Conan Gray so… BUT this also goes to show how Conan Gray IS Sirius Black and all of his songs are about the marauders (I could write more essays). And if you got this far, thank you for indulging this! This was so much fun to write /gen

[ao3-hp-fanfic-reader]

All the Harry Potter fanfic on AO3 ranked by kudos #13

Text talk by merlywhirls

Main ship: wolf star

Word count: 141,250

This fic felt very nostalgic. It’s very reminiscent of middle school texting eras. Almost the entire fic is displayed through text messages, I think there were only 10 scenes in person. Content warnings for nothing this is general audiences. It’s long though. Now for a summary. Sirius Black accidentally texts the wrong number when he gets a new phone. The stranger is funny and so they keep texting. They talk a lot and wind up developing feelings for each other. Mysterious texted is chronically ill and Sirius Black goes to a fancy boarding school. Yep guys, this is a non magic au.

This fic felt like my entire 8th grade relationship summed up. Except we met in person, not online. But this is literally exactly what our texts read like. But I’m not sure that’s an entirely good thing. This fic read like a middle school writing. It’s very juvenile in text and subject matter. Perhaps this is just second hand cringe from my days, but I couldn’t stop cringing at this fic. I had these exact same experiences with online strangers. Reflecting back, they were entirely blown out of proportion and very very juvenile. Maybe that hindsight ruins this fic for me. It was just to personal for me to get fully into it.

But now for an objective perspective. I think the relationship between Lupin and Sirius was really wholesome. There is no smut in this and it’s very slow burn. It’s like watching your younger siblings fall in love and meet their soulmate. The author was able to create a close relationship despite them not meeting in person until 3/4 of the fic had passed. That’s very difficult so kudos to them.

I enjoyed the way all the characters were characterized through text fonts and style. For example, Sirius was all bold text, Remus was underlined, James was regular etc. it was very interesting to see personality from literal text symbols on a screen. It worked quite well.

My lasting impression of this fic was there was very minimal plot and I felt flung back to middle school. I didn’t particularly enjoy middle school so I was not a fan of that. I would recommend this to someone CURRENTLY in middle school. I think they’ll be able to relate to the syntax quite well and appreciate the text culture more than my ancient person can.

[catboywrites]

Sooooooo you posted a follower ask and I’m now going to do all of them just to be silly and goofy 🫡

1. Honestly it’s a tie between watercolors and Sweet Tea and Energy Drinks. I love them both for very different reasons. I love Watercolors for the way reg is portrayed and the sass you give him while I love STaED for the angst and the adorableness that is 5 year old Harry.

2. For STaED it has to be Bambi. Seeing Sirius interact with Harry was fucking adorable and I will never get over it. For watercolors it’s torture and reward because of how you portrayed regulus’ panic attack and then his joy at being in an art store.

3. This is basic I know but honestly all the Regulus’ you’ve written have been amazing and I love them all so much. (I also really like pandora in watercolors)

4. Jegulus. Obviously.

5. Ahahahah bold of you to assume I’m not subscribed to all your works and read them religiously

6. When regulus was first introduced in watercolors and getting to see his inner thoughts about how annoying his attendant was

7. All of your fics have made me emotional. I have asked for so many tissues 😭

8. Honestly your writing is just really fucking good. Like my partners and I have a silly tradition where we read fanfics out loud to each other sometimes and most of the time it feels very stunted but with your writing it feels like an actual published book that we’re enjoying together.

9. Any of them. Any and all updates are amazing and I look forward to them always ❤️

10. So this isn’t a ship but I love your rep of platonic moonwater in Polaroids. The fact that regulus became an animagus for Remus will forever be one of my favorite hcs.

11. I’m just excited for when james and regulus finally get into a good fight in STaED. Like I’m here with my popcorn, soda, and regulus foam finger in the front row

12. Ive re-read bits and pieces but I plan on rereading watercolors for the new chapter so it’s fresh in my brain

13. I’ve mentioned this before but I scream rant to my partners about your fics. When STaED was first released I literally spent half an hour in my boyfriend’s car just talking to him about it.

14. Watercolors was the last fic I started reading from you because I thought that it just wouldn’t be for me but now it’s literally one of my favorites.

15. Will I ever get my tissues that have been lost in the mail for months?! /lh

Anyways this has been my contribution to the catboy ask bin. I will now yield the rest of my time 🫡

GREMLIN I'M GOING TO CRY SHUT UP YOU BEAUTIFUL PERSON I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ANSWERED THEM ALL!!

i woke up to find this in my inbox and this was such a nice surprise i'm literally so ; w ; ueueue come here i am going to smother you in hugs and kisses

one thing i want to say is, the absolute compliment of my fics reading like a published book. i was speechless. i just tap tap at my keyboard and then my beta yells at me for making her cry, i don't do anything fancy i swear. but that is such an ego stroker i'll admit, especially because it was always my dream to be an author growing up. i'm glad my silly little fics are something you and your partners can spend time together on and enjoy!

at this point, we're going to have to fist fight the post office to get you your tissues >:3

[engie-ivy]

(Wolfstar Meet-Cute with Fancy Guest Sirius and Waiter Remus!)

Read Part Two here

1697 words

When the best thing about a party is the waiter, it's either a very lame party, or a very appealing waiter. Or, as in this case, both.

There's Bound To Be Talk Tomorrow

Baby, it's Cold Outside - Frank Loesser

Sirius has to resist the urge to just lay his head down on the table and groan when Rabastan walks away for a moment to chat to the prime minister. The main course hasn't even been served yet and the evening already feels much, much too long.

“He's an asshole.”

Sirius looks up to see his table’s waiter having sat down on the chair next to him. Calloused hands, scars peeking out from under the collar of his shirt, floppy hair and a somewhat challenging look in his amber-coloured eyes.

Around them, people are milling about, dressed to the nines, seeing and being seen, exchanging polite conversation with existing connections and trying to make new connections, at the annual Christmas benefit gala dinner for high society's rich and powerful. Sirius can already see curious, and some scandalized, looks being thrown in their direction for an employee sitting down at one of the tables and talking to one of the guests. The waiter must also notice, but he doesn't seem to care, or even might enjoy causing a little controversy.

Sirius is intrigued.

He has been exchanging looks with the waiter all evening, it's actually the only thing that has made the evening bearable so far.

“I know things are unequally distributed,” Rabastan said. “Of course I have achieved everything by working very hard, but sometimes I think it's just so unfair that I'm also highly intelligent, well-spoken, and a naturally gifted businessman. I feel bad for those who don't have my skills and talent, but giving money to the poor will not solve anything. They will just squander it.” He shook his head. “No, I believe I'll help most by leading by example and giving advice based on my own successes.”

“Mmm,” Sirius hummed. “I don't think ‘let your dad make you CEO of his company’ is very useful advice to many.”

Sirius heard someone snort, and when he looked up, he saw the waiter quickly covering his mouth with his hand. They exchanged an amused look.

“Why would I have to pay for other people's health care?” Rabastan asked loudly, wine almost splashing out of his glass. “I take good care of myself! I spend precious time working with a personal trainer, I only let my personal chef prepare healthy meals, and I only eat at restaurants serving the finest organic foods.”

One of the women at their table looked at Rabastan with admiration.

Rabastan sat back in his chair, smirking. “If other people want to stuff themselves with fast food, it's their problem if they get sick. I'm not going to pay the prize.”

The waiter glanced at Sirius in a ‘is this guy for real?’ kind of way, and Sirius had just shrugged helplessly.

Rabastan lifted his glass. “I'd like to propose a toast! But not to myself, no. The excellent year I had, all my personal achievements, all my impressive financial gains, it all means nothing in light of the good cause for which we are gathered here tonight; the orphaned children.”

“Orphaned children,” Sirius repeated with a raised eyebrow. “You do know tonight is to raise money for children fighting cancer?”

Rabastan gave him an annoyed look. “Of course,” he said pointedly. “That's what I meant. When you give so much to so many charities all the time, you sometimes lose track.” He placed a hand over his heart. “I'm just such a giving person. It's my biggest flaw.”

Sirius almost automatically searched the waiter's gaze, and when their gazes met, they rolled their eyes at the same time.

Yet, Sirius hadn't expected the waiter to be so bold as to sit down in the vacant chair next to him the moment Rabastan’s back was turned, and talk to him like that.

“Your date, I mean,” the waiter says, as if Sirius might not have understood. “Your date’s an asshole.”

His refreshing straightforwardness, his ‘I don't care’-attitude, the challenge hidden in those eyes, it's… Well, it's damn hot, is what it is.

“I know,” Sirius agrees, taking a sip from his drink.

The waiter smirks. “So, is that your type then? Egocentric pricks?”

Sirius chuckles. “Not quite, no. It was my mother who insisted on this match.”

The waiter arches an eyebrow. “Does your mother always pick your dates?”

“This was a special case,” Sirius replies. “Her brother's daughter just got engaged to a Lestrange, so of course one of her children simply had to attend tonight's event with a Lestrange as well.” He rolls his eyes.

“You do know that you are allowed to say no to your mother, right?” The waiter asks.

“Oh, believe me, I do,” Sirius replies. “Going against my family's wishes is actually one of my specialties, but in this case I decided to oblige.”

“How so?”

Sirius nods towards a couple a few tables to the right and the waiter turns to look.

A young man with features similar to Sirius’, but shorter and slightly thinner, with also shorter hair, styled in an old-fashioned haircut, is talking to another young man, with blond curly hair and a face that seems permanently flushed. They seem not to notice anything else in the room, leaning towards each other with similar smiles on their faces, talking animatedly.

“Cute,” the waiter states.

“My younger brother, Regulus,” Sirius says. “He got asked by Evan Rosier to attend tonight's event together, and he was just over the moon. I knew that our mother wasn't going to let go of the idea of one of her children attending with a Lestrange, and that if I would say no, she would ask Reg, and he has never been as good as I am in telling our parents no. He definitely would've agreed for some stupid reason as ‘placing the family's interest above his own’ or something like that, even though it would've killed him to turn down Rosier.” Sirius shakes his head. “I decided to give Reg this one night with Rosier that he had been so looking forward to, and the only way I could, was by agreeing to attend with Rabastan Lestrange myself.”

“And here I was thinking you just had awful taste in men,” the waiter says. “But there's actually some noble, self-sacrificing reason behind it.”

“It's just one night of sitting in a chair eating fancy food,” Sirius says. “Not much sacrifice.”

“Well, I couldn't do it,” the waiter says, glancing at the many rows of cutlery on the table. “Sitting next to him with so many knives within hand's reach. I would've stabbed him by now.”

Sirius chuckles. “I admit I came close to jabbing a fork in his hand at one point, but I feared I would hit my own leg, as his hand happened to be positioned on my thigh at that moment.”

The waiter makes a face. “I'm sorry.” Then he looks at Sirius with a sincere expression. “Listen,” he begins a tad awkwardly. “You definitely don't strike me as some damsel in distress and I'm sure you can take good care of yourself and don't need to hear this from me, but I hope you're not letting him bring you home? I know it's none of my business, but I don't like the way he's looking at you, and he seems like the type of person who's not used to being told no. I don't like the idea of you being alone with him.”

“Don't worry,” Sirius says, tapping his glass of water. “I made sure I have my own ride. I drove here on my motorcycle.”

“Motorcycle?” The waiter groans, placing a hand over his heart. “God, just when I thought you couldn't get any hotter.”

Sirius barks a laugh.

The waiter tilts his head and smiles while looking at Sirius. “I like your laugh. I didn't hear you laugh like that before.”

Sirius, who can't even recall the last time he blushed, feels his face flush. “That's because it's my real laugh. And Rabastan told me not to laugh like that in public. He says I'll embarrass him, and that it makes me sound like a barking dog.”

The waiter frowns. “Like… that's a bad thing? I mean, can you imagine a better sound than a barking dog?”

Sirius barks another laugh.

“That's two,” the waiter says. “Two times I made you laugh your real laugh. Take that, Rabastan. You know,” he leans forward smiling at Sirius. “I think, given the chance, I can increase that number.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius asks.

“How about we just get out of here together?” The waiter asks.

“Really?” Sirius asks, and then he smirks. “Didn't you just warn me against being alone with a man who might have an ulterior motive?”

“Ah,” the waiter says, holding up a finger. “I said a man who isn't used to being told no. I, however, am very much used to being told no!” Then he cringes at himself. “Good god, did I really just try to flirt with a cute guy by emphasizing how used I am to being rejected?”

Sirius barks a laugh again.

The waiter says nothing, just holds up three fingers.

Sirius shakes his head, but he can't suppress the smile on his face. “You'll lose your job.”

The waiter shrugs. “It's a shite job, with shite pay.”

“Still,” Sirius says. “You'll give it up for someone you know nothing about?”

“I know that I want to hear that laugh more often,” the waiter says. “As for the rest? I'm willing to take a risk.” He holds out his hand. “So, what do you say? Is it too much of a cliché for me to sit on the back of your motorcycle with my arms wrapped around you, while we drive off into the night together?”

It will undoubtedly be stupid. The waiter will lose his job, Sirius will get in all sorts of trouble with his family, and they don't even know each other's name. Yet, there's something about the man that Sirius finds himself unable to resist. “It is a terrible cliché,” Sirius agrees, while still reaching out to take the man's offered hand. “But I guess I can appreciate a good classic.”

Now with a Part Two!

[lyallblacklupin]

@ekaterina-popova​ : hey! I found out that lupi means wolves and I instantly thought about Italian Remus. Can you write: Sirius flirts with Remus in French and then Remus answers him in Italian but sirius didn't know that he knows Italian so he melts

Sorry for writing it quite late but here you go! <3 Hope you like it!

Remus enters into their apartment—His and Sirius’ apartment.

“Honey, I’m home!” He calls out, and throws his key into a bowl he calls ‘something fancy china Lily bought.’

“You know it’s getting really cliché now,” Sirius appears in the corridor and Remus feels like he can’t breathe anymore because his boyfriend is wearing a red gypsy skirt with yellow frills on it, “so can you start saying something else? Like ‘Je suis chez moi, mon chérie.’ Or ‘votre bébé est à la maison.’ Huh?”

But Remus is spluttering, growing red in the face. He can tell that Sirius is speaking French on purpose, and it is a lot to handle. The most terrible has happened because Sirius has figured out why his boyfriend is at loss of words.

“Oh, you’re blushing so hard! Merlin you are in love with this skirt, aren’t you? My Remus Lupin has skirt kinks!”

“Shut up! It’s just because you are half naked, and you know how I get when I see you shirtless.” To display his nonchalance, he walks past his boyfriend and loosens the tie of his collar.

“Yeah, I remember fifth year when I came close to you while being shirtless, and you practically cried in front of me because your ears felt hot!” He doubles with laughter, his damp hair sprayed the faint droplets of water on Remus, and it is getting really hard for him to sit straight on the couch. The real question is: Why is he keeping himself from kissing his boyfriend senseless? Because Full moon is in two days, and he has to restrain himself from wrecking him. He can’t lose control even after how much Sirius has insisted that he can deal with it but Remus highly doubts it.

“Sirius, I’m trying to be sane here. But clearly, you are not helping.” Remus clenches his teeth under his mouth, and keeps his hands under his pockets.

“So you do like this skirt, don’t you?” He is grinning his Sirius Black grin with his dripping wet hair sticking to the space where his shoulders meets his neck. He is dazzling, the sexiest human ever to exist in Remus’ life. Remus stares in awe as his eyes travels from his sharp jawline to the muscles stretching from the base of his collarbone as he tilts his head a little backwards. Remus can’t tell if he is doing this also on purpose because his brain is fuzzy. He feels like he is drunk, and he is. He is drunk on Sirius Black. Then his eyes descends to his tattooed chest, and before they descend any lower than his naval area. He jerks himself out from the haze.

“Fuck,” he murmurs, “Sirius, just don’t talk. I-I can’t deal with you right now. You are too much today.”

“You know if someone else would have been in my place, they’d be offended but I swear to Merlin and Morgana, I’m so on fire right now, Moony.”

“Padfoot!” He glares at him but receives a bark of his favorite laughter, and he tries not to slip from his grip, “Okay, where did you get the skirt, anyway?”

“Lily! She said it was quite over-fitted for her.”

“Sirius, it’s a loose skirt with frills on it.” But Sirius makes a noise of disapproval from the back of his throat.

“Yes! And Lily is very pregnant, and please It’s called a gypsy skirt, lover boy.” Sirius comes close, and wiggles his hips in most obscene way that Remus hisses and then bits the inside of his cheek. He can tell that he has started to look at Sirius like he is the most delicious meal walking around him. He catches the whiff of the cologne he bought him for his seventeen birthday. And Remus thinks he is going to die with the heat between them.

“And!” Sirius is now barely at a distance from him. Those mere inches were close enough for Remus to feel the puffs of Sirius’ breaths on his bottom lip as he continues, “Would you still not want me if I come in a pencil skirt in front you?” Those arousing whispers set Remus’ body on fire because damn it! He isn’t a fashion designer but he knows fucking pencil skirts.

“Sirius! Please…” He cries, slipping away from the dangerous territory of Sirius’ charm which happens to be inversely proportional to Remus’ self-control. “It’s two days in full! And I’m driving crazy here! You are driving me crazy here because all I want is to eat you like you are my dinner for tonight.”

“Moony, by all means, I’d be lovely for your cannibalistic appetite.” Sirius makes a show of opening his arms to him, “Have me, darling. I’m all yours.”

“Urgh! I can’t! Just go—I can’t lose control—I just can’t!”

“But Moony—“

“No means no. Vai nella tua stanza! I want to fucking breathe.” He doesn’t realize what he has said even after it has been apparent for solid fifteen seconds that Sirius hasn’t left the living room as he is told. Remus looks up from the book he has suddenly started reading. Of course, he is pretending to read. How can he read when he feels like the argument isn’t finished yet. Remus looks up and freezes because Sirius is wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

“Did-did-you just…Did you just speak…?” Remus holds back a laugh because the surging confidence and sexiness that usually radiates from the Great Sirius Black seems to have dissipated into thin air. And then Remus is able to put a finger on it.  

“Italian?” He cocks an eyebrow, feeling dominant all of a sudden as he stands up to walk towards Sirius, “Stai arrossendo troppo!”

“I thought you speak Welsh!” Sirius splutters, his cheeks glowing red as if someone he has grown microscopic extra bunch of red roses beneath his snowy skin. Remus was at a brink of lunging at his boyfriend to take him in a fierce kiss. He was almost going to devour him the rest of his night. The ideas are surging into his mind, and so is his blood in his veins erratically. The wolf is going to wake up.

“Dwi hefyd yn siarad Cymraeg, Sirius darling..” Remus replies as he bows his head dramatically, “But! amo l'italiano…è sexy, che ne pensi? Huh, love?” It is fun to watch Sirius flustering beyond pink color. The sight suddenly hits Remus with Hogwarts nostalgia as he recalls the era of his and Sirius’ mutual pining over each other, and a memory plays in head.

“Sirius, do you want—you know—like if you want to, ever—not necessarily this time—but do you fancy going to Hogsmeade with me, like alone?” Remus asked, and tried to ignore the cold sweats under his arms and lower back.

“Huh? Really? I mean—I-I…like I mean…uh—“ Sirius kept chuckling like he was either short of breath or coughing because of the cold in the courtyard.

“Oh my god, are you blushing?” And he was, and then did a little too much more.

“Uh—Beetroot juice, that’s all.” And with that he scurried away with the sea of the fourth-year students.

Remus really gazes at Sirius with a solemn look. A feeling of warmth and innocence surrounds him because Sirius’ thick eye brows are knitted together and a look of plea swimming his silver eyes, while the cheeks were still flushed pink. He looks endearing than enticing.

“Ah, screw it.” With that, Remus crashes his mouth against Sirius’ which immediately response with a moan. The kiss is soft and passionate at the same time but as they both deepens it, Remus thinks he is able to set the whole world on fire. He tries not to lose himself completely but the scent of Sirius doesn’t elevate his restraining power. In fact, does things otherwise.

“Oh mio, I love you!” Remus gasps when Sirius’ mouth travel to his neck.

“Fuck! Say that in Italian, you git!” Sirius protests and pins his boyfriend by his wrists above his head. And Remus quirks an eyebrow on the boldness.

“Oh, te ne pentirai, amore mio,” In a swift motion, he twists in hands to clutch Sirius’ wrist, and pushes him on the couch. The view is very much appealing. The red skirt loosely tugging on Sirius’ waist, his half-dried hair coming into his eyes, parted lips, lustful eyes, thoroughly flabbergasted. Remus smiles deviously, “Don’t forget that I’m the one with real animalistic instincts, not you, lover boy.”

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Remus didn't expect to find Sirius crying in the bathroom. When he opened the door rather abruptly feeling sleepy yet, and he found Sirius on the cold floor, practically sobbing on his arms, it broke his heart.

Not only Sirius was frozen in the spot but Remus as well. He saw Sirius crying only once. But back when they were kids. Definitely not like this.

"I'm sorry... I... Are you okay?"

Sirius wiped off his tears looking embarrassed. He didn't say anything, simply looked away.

Remus kneeled down next to him very carefully.

"Why are you upset? Can I help you?"

When Remus got still no answer, he started to worry.

"Sirius..." It came out as begging as he caressed Sirius’s hair. A simple show of affection.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?"

Sirius was still terrifyingly quiet. Remus didn't know what to do. He stood to leave, thinking perhaps he should wake James up. He was better with words.

"I guess I will..."

But before Remus could move, he felt Sirius’s hand grabbing his wrist firmly.

"Please don't leave me alone, Moony" Sirius begged with desperation "Stay with me, please"

Remus didn't need to be told twice. He dropped to the floor once again, wrapping his arms around his friend. Sirius clinched to him with desperation.

Remus didn't know what else to do than let him cry in his arms. He wanted to hurt whoever had hurt him. Which Remus suspected were the twats of his parents. But also Remus got a warm sensation in his chest for having Sirius this close. His heart was betraying him by beating this fast and it wasn't fair because Sirius wasn't well. Remus was an idiot to think so selfishly.

"Are you going to tell me what is going on, Sirius?".Remus whispered as Sirius calmed down a little. He was stroking his hair gently as Sirius’s head rested on his chest.

"I don't want to talk about it, Moony"

"Ok..."

Sirius began to be restless. He pulled away from Remus's side. He was breathing hard and moving his clothes. He wiped his tears angrily.

"I'm just sick and tired of this pressure!" Sirius exclaimed unexpectedly "I feel like I cannot be myself! I need to be this perfect Sirius all the time. It is exhausting"

It was hard to get Sirius to talk about his feelings. He often pretended to be okay. He acted like he was cool and nothing affected him. But it was obvious he felt too much.

It was odd that he was confessing this now. Remus wanted to move mountains to help him and see him happy. All he wanted was Sirius’s happiness.

"Why don't you stop?" Remus asked.

"Stop what?"

"Just stop being that Sirius everyone wants you to be. Stop caring about what others think"

Sirius snorted sadly "As if it is easy, Moony" he sighed "I know I act like I don't care, but I do. I am the fucking Black Heir! I feel sometimes like everyone's eyes are on me"

"You're not that handsome" Remus smiled slightly "Not all eyes are on you"

Sirius smiled back "Wanker. You're just envious"

Remus giggled.

"I wish I could do what I want whenever I want"

"Me too" Remus confessed

Remus was careful. He used to walk around shells in his old school. He did everything to be accepted and somehow, everything he did, didn't work anyway. Remus was never one of the bunch. He was the weird kid, the freak.

It wasn't until he met Grant and the boys that he stopped caring. Grant, especially. He was one of the kind. Remus remembered he had found fascinating how he walked around as if he was the king of the world. Even if he was gay. Even if he had nothing. It was confidence.

Remus had asked him once if he wasn't afraid. And Grant had answered that he was terrified most of the time. He just did what he felt. Without thinking at all. He was crazy like that. And that was what made him attractive. Grant wasn't handsome or rich like Sirius. But he was bold. And that was what made him hot. That was one of the things that made Remus fancy him.

Remus looked the hopeless expression of his friend now. He wanted to help Sirius so badly. He turned to face him.

"Ok, tell you what..." Remus began as Sirius looked at him with curiosity "Let's do something" he licked his lips "Just imagine no one is around. That you are absolutely alone, okay?..."

It was exactly the advice that Grant had told him once.

"Do whatever you feel. Whatever comes out of your tummy, out of your guts..."

Sirius raised an eyebrow with amusement. Remus smiled because he looked cute.

"Maybe except yelling because James and Peter are sleeping..." Remus chuckled "But... What do you want to do right now? What is your deepest desire?"

Sirius’s eyes dropped from Remus's eyes to his lips in an instant. And before Remus had time to react, Sirius came closer and kissed him in the lips.

Remus was frozen as a first reaction. But then he gave into the kiss. Tasting Sirius’s lips was even better that he had expected. It was like drinking the sweetest water when you had been thirsty your whole life.

As Sirius’s tongue moved widely through Remus's mouth, he touched his cheek, then ran his fingers through his hair and finally stroked his neck in the most delicious way.

Remus's heart began bumping loudly on his chest. He felt a shot electricity through his whole body. This was what heaven surely felt like.

When Sirius pulled away after what felt like a very short time, Remus was left speechless and slightly satisfied. Though he wanted more. He couldn't believe that he had been starving from Sirius’s lips his whole life. They had been so close to taste and Remus had been an idiot to not dare. Now that he knew what heaven tasted like, he never wanted to stop tasting it.

Sirius’s cheeks turned slightly pink as he looked away. He was so fucking gorgeous.

"That's..." Remus's voice came out high pitched but then he cleared his throat "That's what you wanted to do?"

Sirius blinked to that question "I thought you said I should do something dumb and crazy" he shrugged embarrassed "It was the first thing that popped into my head"

Remus was very confused "I said you should do what you wanted, Sirius. Something you wished. Not a dumb stupid shit"

Sirius smirked. He seemed nervous "Same thing" then he raised to his feet "Anyway it kind of worked. I kind of feel better"

Remus was out of words.

Sirius turned to give him a smile "You're golden friend, Moony. Cheers"

Remus clenched his teeth. "No problem..." he grunted "Happy to help"

Sirius visibly swallowed "We're good right?"

Remus cursed the day in which he met Sirius. He even cursed the moment in which he started having feelings for him. He was gorgeous and he knew it. He probably knew about Remus's feelings and was mocking him. Fucking twat.

"Yeah, we are good" Remus replied, feeling very stupid.

Sirius gave him a tiny smile "I don't know what I would do without you" he said biting his lip "Good night, Moony Moons"

"Night..."

Sirius walked to the door but stopped turning nervously to face Remus. His face was red and his eyes watery. He looked scared and embarrassed.

"Let's not tell anyone about this, okay?"

Remus felt sorry for how scared Sirius sounded. He probably was ashamed of what he did. It had been a dumb kiss anyway. (Not for Remus).

"Yeah don't worry" Remus smiled slightly to show him it was fine.

Sirius left quite awkwardly. Giving at Remus remorseful glances. Remus didn't move from the floor even when Sirius had closed the door behind him. The floor was cold against his butt cheeks. But nothing as cold as Sirius’s heart.

Yet Remus remained frozen and confused, wondering if all of it had been a dream or not. The taste of Sirius’s lips still lingering on his own.

"What the actual fuck?" Remus whispered to himself.

Sirius Black was going to drive him bunkers one of these days.

[wreckofawriter]

Bubblegum

pairing: remus lupin x reader

word count: 3k

warnings: language, none fluffy

summary: you know you annoy remus but that doesn't stop you from trying to get close to him

a/n: i actually like this fic more than I thought I would... anyway I'm actually motivated again so posts should be more frequent. I plan on writing the next part for pulled apart next

    Remus has always been very good at ignoring distractions. Considering who his best friends were that was really no surprise to anyone around him. He had ignored parties and screams and fights and pretty much everything else you can imagine. He could probably read through a tornado if one happened to strike the castle. But we all have that one thing. 

    The classroom was quiet. The scratch of quills on parchment and the occasional shuffle of feet filling Remus’s ears as he did everything in his power to focus on the test in front of him. Potions was a subject he excelled in, yet he had barely finished the first three questions and now sat practically fuming in his chair, his mind clouded with irritation. 

    A pop once again resonated through the room and no one else blinked, the quills continued their march. Remus gripped his own feather so tight he thought it might break in two. A few moments later  the sound greeted his ears again and he whipped around. His eyes fell on you, your hair bouncing lightly as you tapped your foot to some inaudible rhythm. Soft pink bubble gum lined your lips, the corpse of a bubble being tugged back into your mouth for rebirth. 

    “Would you cut it out?” Remus hissed drawing more than one pair of eyes. 

    You tilted your head in confusion, reminding the boy slightly of a puppy. You glanced behind yourself quickly and then pointed a finger at yourself in a silent question. 

    “Yes you.” Remus scorned, “Stop popping your bloody gum.” 

    Maybe it was because of how rude he had been or maybe it was the cute red tinge of anger on his cheeks, either effect led you to the same action. You gathered the treat in your mouth inflating one of the bigger bubbles you had made that day, popping it between your teeth.  The noise was loud like the snap of a whip. You smiled softly at the boy's stiff reaction, “No.” You hummed turning back to your work. 

    Remus was pretty sure you had verbally slapped him across the face. 

    The library was crowded with people, almost every chair was taken, faces shoved into books and fingers stained with ink.

The quiet atmosphere was broken by James’s loud groan, “Godric, that test Slughorn gave us was dreadful.” he complained, his head hitting the table in front of him. A chorus of hushing which he paid no mind to followed. 

“Tell me about it.” Remus mumbled his mood still sour from the period before. 

Sirius snapped to attention, “Since when do you have trouble in potions?” 

Remus sighed, rolling his eyes at his friend's amusement, “It wasn’t the test you idiot.” 

James turned his head, his cheek now squished against the wooden surface, eyebrows scrunched.

“There was this girl.” 

“A girl!?” Both boys shouted in unison, James’s head popping up from the table. They both were shushed aggressively. 

Remus scoffed, “Not like that-”

“Was she just so hot you couldn’t focus?” Sirius mused, the smirk on his lips mildly irritating.

“Did she have the top few buttons of her blouse undone? I damn near fainted last time Lily did that.” James chimed in.

Remus felt his cheeks go hot, “What? No-”

“So who's the lucky lady Moony?” 

“Yeah I can’t believe you didn't tell us.” James pouted. 

    “I don’t fancy her, you idiots!” Remus snapped, earning multiple glares.

    James and Sirius’s smiles dropped, disappointment finding their faces as all the excitement they had just been tempted with washed away.

    “I knew it was too good to be true.” Sirius mumbled halfeartly. 

    “So what was it then?” James asked, “If you don’t fancy this girl what’s the issue?”

    Remus huffed, “She was being bloody annoying that's the issue. She wouldn’t stop popping her gum, it is one of the most infuriating things I've ever experienced.”

    Sirius quirked a brow, “That's it?”

    “James was there.” Remus continued, “He gets it, it was absolutely dreadful.”

    James shrugged, “I don’t remember hearing any popping.” 

    Remus gauffed, “Seriously? It was so loud.” 

    “I probably just tuned it out,” He hummed, “Why didn't you just ask her to stop?”

    “That's the problem.” Remus groaned, “I did and she was totally rude and popped it right in my face.” 

    “Sounds kinda bitchy.” Sirius mumbled, “Any chance you know who she is?” 

    Remus racked his brain, “I think her name is y/l/n something, I'm not sure.”

    Sirius paused, “Y/n y/l/n?”

    “That sounds right.” 

    Sirius whistled, “She is wicked hot.”

    Remus scrunched his face in mild disgust, “Is that all you have to say on the matter?” 

    Sirius nodded returning to Transfiguration book,

    Remus sighed, “You guys are no help at all.”

If you had heard the conversation that had just taken place you would have been sorely disappointed. In fact you probably would have stormed up to your dorm and pouted fiercely. 

Remus Lupin was someone you knew well. Probably too well considering he had never even looked your way until the period before. It's not like you were a stalker or anything, he was just… really cute.

He had caught your attention in 4th year and never seemed to let go as he slowly reeled you in with hazel eyes and soft smiles. 

You would count his freckles in charms and imagine running your hands through his hair in potions, he never seemed to notice the pair of eyes boring into his curls. You were pretty positive that your crush was hopeless. I mean this was Remus Lupin you were talking about, sure he wasn’t as sought after as Black but he definitely had his fair share of admirers.

Your friends, the few you trusted with important information that is, were always pushing you to take some sort of action on your crush. You ignored them for the most part claiming it was useless and he would probably end up with someone else anyway. Yet year after year he was still single. It was a bit shocking in fact. Almost as shocking as the words you had spoken to him earlier that day.

You buried your head in your hands for the third time that minute, embarrassment and regret were eating you alive. What the hell is wrong with me? You thought. 

Adrianna, who was one of your closest friends and the one seated next to you for the horrific event was snickering behind her hand attempting to turn it into a cough as you glared at her. 

“I mean at least you talked to him.” She chidded and you threw your book at her. It was her turn to pout.

You groaned, your head hitting the table infront of you, “I’m a fucking idiot.” 

Adrianna shrugged, “Well yes.” 

“Why did I say no? Why couldn’t I just say yes and apologize like a normal person?” You complained.

She shrugged again, “Maybe it’s just in your blood to be a dick?” This time she caught a quill on her forehead. “Sorry, sorry,” a pause, “You know you could use this to your advantage,”

You raised an eyebrow, “How the hell would I manage that?”

“You could apologize, you know like a normal person.” she giggled.

You cringed at the thought, “Why would I do that?” 

Adrianna rolled her eyes, “Because you were an asshole. And most people apologize after being an asshole.”

You scrunched your nose, “Do you have any idea how awkward that would be?” 

“You’re helpless.” She mumbled returning to her work. 

You pouted, “Well you're not very helpful.” your mind began to turn as she continued her essay, one you had already finished the night before. Then suddenly an idea struck. 

You marched up to Remus with confidence you didn’t actually have. Your anxieties buried beneath a blanket of boldness. Your hands shook, stuffed deep in your pockets. 

“Yes?” He repeated reminding you that you had indeed called his name. 

You glanced around at his friends, their eyes locked on you with amused smiles. You put on an uncaring mask and rolled your eyes at Potter whose smile only grew, “Could we talk away from your goons?”

Remus grinned a bit as Sirius gave an over-exaggerated gasp, “Yeah sure.” 

You nodded quickly turning and starting towards the staircase. You didn’t catch Remus raising his eyebrows back at his friends and he didn’t see you release a shaky breath.  

Once you both stood in the narrow staircase leading to the deviations room you turned back to Remus who stood two stairs below you, the height advantage made you feel powerful. 

He didn’t seem particularly bothered by it, “You here to apologize?”

Your eyes widened, he seemed snarkier than he had been in potions, almost like he was challenging you, “I was, but now I don’t believe I will.” you clipped back.

Remus rolled his eyes, “Can I leave then?” 

Panic struck you, this was not going well, “Actually I need a favor.” 

Remus was surprised, that was definitely not what he had expected.

You huffed, praying to whatever god was up there that this would work. “Can you tutor me in potions? I’m actually not all that good at it and I know for a fact you are.” One of those statements was a blatant lie. Potions had been one of your better grades for a while now but he didn’t need to know that. 

“Why should I help you?” Remus asked, taking a step towards you, the height advantage lessening. 

You weren’t really sure how to answer that, “I suppose you shouldn’t.” You sighed and Remus smirked, “But you will.”

He raised his brows, “And why's that?”

You popped your gum enjoying his flinch, “Because you are just so sweet.” you said it with a slight coo like you were talking to a young child.

Remus didn’t respond as you brushed past him.

“Meet me at the library tomorrow after lunch and don’t be late.” You called over your shoulder.

Remus stood in the stairwell staring where you had just stood. He let out a heavy sigh , his heart beating louder than it should have been. 

Part of you thought he wouldn’t even show and that instead you would sit in the library like a fool as Remus laughed about you with his friends. So when you entered the library and found the boy already seated at a table, textbooks and notes placed neatly around him you were surprised. You fought a wide smile skipping beside him and reaching for the book in his hands. Before you could snatch it away Remus snapped it shut and moved it aside. 

“Take a seat y/n”  He spoke, smirking at you, clearly happy about his quick reflexes. 

You rolled your eyes sitting beside him and glancing at the papers in front of you. They were notes, neatly taken, no doodles in the margins. 

Remus leaned over your shoulder, “I think we should start with the basics and see how much you already know.”

It was only then that you realised you were going to have to pretend to be terrible at potions. You swallowed thickly, “Sounds good.”

You surprised yourself with how easily you lied. You slipped up only twice, brushing both off as lucky guesses and contuinuting with your stupid little curade. 

Remus ate it up, showing you simple questions and walking you through them as one did a child. It would have bothered you if he wasn’t leaning over your shoulder with his breath soft on your neck. He smelt like chocolate and fresh parchment, his curly hair so close you could reach out and run your fingers through it if you wanted to. 

You walked back to your common room in a slight haze, your stomach full of wings.

Remus peered after you curiously. Your actions confused him, he could’ve sworn you had already known the practice problems he gave you. Yet you had struggled, almost comically. He supposed you were just really good at pretending to be smart. 

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to pretend to be stupid?” You groaned.

Adrianna shook her head too focused on the note sheet in front of her to really care about what you were saying. 

Your rambles continued regardless, “Do you think I’m going to have to fail my next test so I can keep Remus as a tutor?”

She sighed fed up as she tried to study over your speaking, “You know you could just ask him out like if you weren’t such a pussy.” 

You glared at her lacking real malice, “I’m not a pussy, I’m just creative.”

“Pussy.” Adrianna coughed quietly and you rolled your eyes, she was only a little bit right. 

As your study sessions continued Remus found himself growing strangely fond of you. The banter you offered was entertaining, despite the fact you took every chance to annoy him. Your sarcastic comments made his lips twitch into a grin. Your response to his own remarks; a scrunch of your nose, making him chuckle. You still seemed a bit off and for the first week, Remus wasn’t sure what it was. It was clear that you were hiding something, faking something but he just couldn't place it. 

A pattern began to settle in front of him quickly. Your slip ups became a bit repetitive. And by slip ups he really meant your success. You were good at potions. In fact probably better than he was. Remus wasn’t sure why you were pretending to be terrible at a class you clearly were doing well in, but he was even more confused on why he didn’t call you out on it. 

For some reason he was dead set on keeping you at those study sessions. In fact he used a nearing test as an excuse to meet you daily. He debated his actions in his own mind most nights, why did he keep wasting his time to teach you things you already knew he wondered. He always came up empty, even more lost than he had been before. 

You had thought Remus to be smarter than he was. The fact that he hadn't picked up on your seemingly obvious act was astounding. You supposed it only helped you if he fell for it hook line and sinker, right? You started meeting him everyday in the library, he was very adamant about you passing the upcoming test and you weren’t going to complain, it gave you more time to count the freckles that dusted his nose anyway.  

You hummed quietly to yourself, fiddling with your quill. It was the night before the test and Remus had been insistent on you studying late into the night. So now you sat in the Gryffindor common room under the hazy light of candles with notes you had memorized ages ago. 

The crack of the fire was a pleasant background noise to your tune as your eyes locked onto Remus whose hair had fallen in front of his eyes yet again. You smiled softly watching him scribble final notes onto his Transfiguration assignment. Your gum was slowly losing its flavor on your tongue. 

Feeling your gaze he looked up, “You want me to quiz you on them?” He asked, gesturing to the notes under your arm. 

“Sure.” You reposed picking up the paper and passing it off to him. 

Remus watched you carefully, answers came easily most of the time but every once and  while you would struggle, himming and hawing as you pretended you didn’t know how to respond. He played along until you finished the note sheet.

You were confused when he put it down, “Aren't we going to go over the ones I got wrong?” 

Remus sighed, “Why would I do that when you already know them?”

You furrowed your brow, “I got them wrong.”

“You know them though don’t you?” He smirked, “You know all the stuff that I’ve been teaching you.”

You laughed but there was no humor to it, “I don’t know what you mean.”

He only smiled more, “Yes you do.” 

You just sat there, your mind was spinning, you hadn’t really planned for the end of it all. You had no clue how you were going to explain this. 

“I’m curious.” Remus said, “Why go through all this trouble?” 

You just started at him opening your mouth to answer only to close it again. 

“Come on y/n don’t leave me hanging.” He grinned and you felt like you were going to throw up. 

“How long have you known?” You asked quietly.

Remus shrugged, “About a week.” 

You hesitated, “Wait, why didn't you say anything sooner?”

He shrugged again, “No reason.” 

It was your turn to smile “No really Remus, why waste your time with me?” You questioned. 

He sighed, “It wasn’t really a waste of time.”

“It wasn’t?” 

Remus felt weirdly trapped, “You still haven't answered my question.” 

“Fine you really want to know?” You said chewing your gum anxiously. 

He nodded.

“I wanted to hang out with you, and I wasn't really sure how to ask.” You huffed picking at your nails. 

There was a beat of quiet, the fire popped behind you.

“Now you tell me why you didn’t say anything earlier.” You said trying to divert from your embarrassing confession. 

Remus pondered his answer for a moment, “Because I like you.” 

Your eyes widened, “I thought you found me annoying.” you laughed lightly.

“Oh no I do.” He grinned leaning closer to you as you scrunched your nose in annoyment. “You know you could have just asked me out instead of pretending not to know anything about potions.”

You ignored the heat in your cheeks as Remus leaned just inches from you, “Where’s the fun in that?”

He chuckled, “I supposed there isn't any.” his breath was warm on your skin and your eyes slipped shut as he closed the distance between you. 

Remus’s lips were smooth and soft against your own, his hand cupping your cheek lightly. You ran your fingers through his hair as he tilted your chin back, deepening the kiss. 

He hummed lightly, you tasted like bubblegum.

taglist:

@evyiione @accio-rogers @roslea @k3nz-doodl3 @theseuscmander @sleepingalaska @chloe-geoghegan1 @obsessedwithrandomthings @coldlilheart @suseptiable-but-siriusexual @inglorious-imagines @the-natureofme @trickylittlewitch @layaa-layaaa

Masterlist

[embrassemoi]

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 18

Pairings: Sirius B, Remus L, [F]Reader   CW: mentions of abuse, throwing up, depression, horrible coping mechanisms, implied sexual references   A/N: Read CW for this chap.

【 Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter 】

Chapter 18: Love Isn’t a Magic Potion

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

February 14th, 1976

There wasn’t quite another person like James Potter who knew what unrequited love felt like.

After years of harbouring feelings for Lily, making a fool of himself, his failed attempts of trying to impress her; she never seemed to take interest. Lily always sent him disgusted looks, never passing up the opportunity to call him a dirty arrogant toe-rag.

And sure, it phased him sometimes; her words cutting deep, but despite it all, James still believed in the fairytales, the sparks, the magic of true love, finding your soulmate — your better half. His parents were his main inspiration for love. Years — decades they’d been together and still, the love they held for one another, so fierce and unstoppable, it even shocked James at times.

A long time ago, when he truly understood the concept of love, he made a promise that he wouldn’t settle for anything but for the fairytales, the sparks, the magic of true love, finding his soulmate — his better half.

He wanted all of it. The good days, the bad days, the glitter and sparkles, the cheesy one-liners; long walks on the beach, nursing them back to health after they caught the flu, watching the sunsets, dancing in the rain — even the stupid petty arguments. He wanted all of it.

No matter how long it took to find them, he would; after all, everyone had their person.

Maybe that’s why he chased after Lily for so long — hoping for that romantic love — the love that’s made for movie screens — the type of love that conquered all. But he wouldn’t continue to beat on a dead horse, especially if Lily didn’t want that.

He wouldn’t force her and certainly, he wouldn’t harass her.

But, James would consider himself lucky, he found his friends — they were already his platonic soulmates and he’d go to the ends of the earth for each of them. His parents, the Marauders, Marlene, now Whiskers; he was always surrounded by only the purest amount of love.

He was never a person to cover up his emotions — hardly, that is. He wore his heart proudly on his sleeve, never once letting others dictate his life and the way that he loved. He laid himself bare, open, and there was a beauty to it that words couldn’t describe.

Love truly conquered all, whether it be romantic or platonic.

But to the women that fell in love with Sirius Black, well — there wasn’t quite another group of people like them who knew what unrequited love felt like — not even James ‘Oi, Evans!’ Potter could compare. 

Love is shit.

Love is cruel.

Love is unfair.

Sirius would go on date after date. One fleeting look and soon enough, he had women at his feet, falling for his devilish charm that captivated them in seconds.

They swooned over his chiselled jaw and thick glossy hair; eyes so mysterious with profound, moonlit mirth. The epicanthic folds highlighted his sharp and pointed look that they swore cut through them, searching through the deepest part of their souls.

He was a part or used to be a part of the oldest and most noble Pureblood families in the country. He was rich, of high status, French, could speak five languages and a mischievous bad boy straight out of your classic Muggle film.

Falling in love with Sirius Black was an easy task, so simple and it could happen in a blink of an eye. The realization would come either fast or slow depending on the poor lovesick git who let themselves fall.

But getting Sirius Black to return that affection was an impossible task.

He was raised as a gentleman and would play the part before becoming bored. They were all fillers, the people he dated.

He would admit it, he’s a bit of a dick.

He never fell in love with anyone he’s dated so far — never got past the fancying stage and even then, it was never strong. It never made him feel those butterflies that James described them as. His heart never jumped, never sped up fast, he never felt his skin heat nor did their laugh ever put him into a trance — nothing like what he described them to be like. If anything, he’d always break it off with the girls he found himself getting too comfortable with; always severing it before it became too much.

Although, it technically never was his fault that they fell in love. Most of his admirers like to daydream from afar, or they’d make a promise at the beginning — no strings attached.

Well for them, it did. It almost always ended with strings attached with Sirius holding a pair of shiny scissors at the end of fried thread.

He did not believe in the fairytales, the sparks, the magic of true love, finding your soulmate — your better half.

But that doesn't mean he didn’t want it.

But, above all, Sirius Black considered himself to be a realist. Unlike James, he couldn't — he wouldn’t let himself believe in that shit anymore. Love is disappointing and it does nothing but hurt you, nothing but a filler he used to distract himself with, no matter who it was. Love did not fix his fuck ups nor himself.

All of the adoring admirers, the ones that lined up for him, they would all leave if they caught a glimpse of the worst parts of him. The ugly, nasty parts. He used rage as a means of defence, he pushed the people he loves away, he was moody, dramatic and above all, reckless.

All they wanted was to take, use him for his body — they wouldn’t love him if they knew him. The real him: the ugly side along with the beautiful one he wore. The side that wasn’t always adventurous, daring, bold, brave… happy, go-getting.

Nobody would stay for the ugly part of him.

In that regard, Sirius was unloveable. Completely, utterly unloveable.

Currently, the uglier, caged part of Sirius re-emerged as he writhed around in his bed. Eyes moved rapidly behind eyelids, squinted in pain as he squirmed around, clutching the bed sheets tightly. His head flopped from side to side as he was unable to wake; stuck in a nightmare.

“You mudblood lover —” “Don’t call them that!” “Babies, Regulus, babies!” “It’s killing me to stay.” “CRUCI —”

Sirius woke with a jolt, choking on a strangled scream that clawed at his throat. His mind seemed to be encased in a wordless static, muting him to the noise around him as he felt the rapid, hard thumps against his chest. Distantly, he could feel his body raking in waves as the sticky, cold feeling of his sweat dripped from his temple and down the side of his face. It made his hair stick to his forehead uncomfortably yet somehow, despite the sweating and the overwhelming feeling of heat, he felt ice cold.

He swallowed thickly, sniffingly away the stinging growing behind his eyelids but failed as a few stray tears had already settled on his cheeks. Sirius looked around frantically, meeting the familiar red and gold bed sheets that were now pushed off of him as he sat upright in his bed. Red velvet drapes hung around the sides, pulled together as slivers of bright light sliced through them. It made him squint and focus on the surroundings.

Soon enough, it felt like a weight lifted off his chest, marked in unspoken forgiveness once realizing where he was.

You’re safe, his inner voice spoke firmly, It was just a dream. A dream.

“Wakey, wakey Padfoot!”

He had just enough time to wipe the freshly fallen tears away before James ripped back his curtains, jumping into his bed. He drew a deep sigh, avoiding James’ eyes and trained them to look outside.

Upon the grass and mountains, snow sprinkled on much like sugar over a cake. The distant chirping of birds could be heard singing their usual song, or more like an alarm clock, as they soared high in the sky without a worry in the world.

If only Sirius could be a bird, what a simple life he would lead.

“Fuck you,” groaned Remus, “He might be awake, but I’m not.” His eyes clenched in annoyance, throwing his blanket over his head.

“Well aren’t you lovely? Isn’t he, Sirius?”

“The loveliest,” he managed to grit out, throat groggy and dry.

“Shut up!”

“Okay, calm down big bad wolf.”

“Well,” he mocks James, his voice going an octave higher, “This big bad wolf can maul you.”

James beamed brightly, the ever morning person he was, unaffected by Moony’s response. Instead, he padded his way over to him, shaking him before Remus flipped the covers off his body, tackling him into his bed.

“Do you guys think I should cut my hair?” James managed to get out as he gasped. Remus sprawled out on top of him, pinning him in place as he was being crushed from his weight. “I want to make sure I look good for today.”

“You’re always in need of a trim,” Peter called out.

“You look fine,” Remus added, “Besides, you and scissors are not a good move right now.”

Meanwhile, Sirius’ stomach felt hollow, worry ate at his very being before he felt something rise within his throat. Quickly, swinging his legs over the edge, Sirius made his way to the loo in a rush while James and Remus were both distracted.

Peter was there, rifling through the cabinets with his toothbrush dangling from his lips. “Morning,” he said, not quite looking over to him, “Do we have any more toothpaste? I keep telling Prongs not to use so much…”

“Get out,” he managed to say before shoving Peter out of the door, closing it shut. He barely managed to cast a silencing charm before opening the lid of the toilet seat, throwing up. For the most part, Sirius gagged on air before finally attempting to collect himself, preventing hyperventilation.

Foolishly, even up until that dreaded night, Sirius had an ounce of hope. For what exactly, he wasn’t sure. Perhaps it was hope that Regulus might have turned out different, or maybe it was hope that he’d finally be accepted, even though he knew that would never be the case — never with parents like Walburga or Orion.

But every time he dared to dream, to hope, he was always quickly reminded why it hurt. Hope was dangerous, a false sense of reality — a taste of what people dreamt and chase for but could never quite grasp.

It was more addicting than any kind of alcohol he drank — or the girls — or pranks.

Eventually, he got up from the floor, jumped in the shower and followed his morning routine before wrapping a towel around himself and stepped out.

Sirius was drying his hair before catching a glimpse of himself in the large mirror in front of the sink.

Sirius had never been insecure about the way he looked. A part of him, the arrogant and narcissistic part of him knew that he looked good and he’d flaunt it. But there were times like today, where he’d look at himself, but feel as if he’s looking at a familiar face that wasn’t his — a monster reflected back.

He wondered if this is what Moony felt like.

For a moment, Sirius let his face rest, allowing the helpless, loitering fear and guilt he felt engrave its way onto the smooth surface of his skin.

The eyes looking back at him today were his father’s, his hair reminded him too much of Regulus, his high cheekbones reminded him of Walburga and the tired, slightly crazed look reminded him of Bellatrix.

A member of the Black family, that's what people saw when they first looked at Sirius, the heir of the most noble and ancient house of Black.

Sirius Orion Black.

Orion Black… Even his name made him want to cry out in rage. Another reminder.

Pushing back his wet hair, he studied the faded scar that disappeared into his hairline.

It was more apparent than ever that Sirius had scars.

But unlike James, whose scars were from happy memories of the Quidditch pitch, or Peter, whose only scars were from chopping chocolate for a fancy baking recipe — and lastly, Remus, whose scars were visible, laid out for everyone to see, Sirius’ scars were invisible.

He wore them day in and day out without anyone ever knowing.

With a blink, he drowned out his thoughts immediately; his dreams, his past, his thoughts were for another time.

He sucked in a breath, clicking the door open.

Remus was the only other person still in the dorm. He stood in front of the mirror, buttoning up his white school shirt before ducking down and grabbed his bag, shoving in books, his wand and any other loose pages of parchment that he assumed was for his little study group.

“Where’s Wormy and James?” He asked, not liking the way his voice sounded wobbly and hoarse. His eyes no longer peered up at his chap, instead looking around the room. Anywhere but his face.

Thankfully, Moony didn’t seem to notice, preoccupied with the now overflowing pile of Valentine gifts and cards on his bedside. He grew frustrated with them with every passing second as they littered his space.

“Accio bin!”

The black bin from across the room flew into Remus’ hand, quickly shoving the letters in but soon a guilty look flashed across his face.

Remus had always been too considerate about their feelings, perhaps Sirius should take a page from his book.

Sirius had a pile accumulating on the carpet beside his trunk; it seemed like more and more people every year were confessing their feelings, but this time, Remus seemed to be getting a lot more along with the rest of the Marauders. But he smiled, happy to know that Remus had been getting some action. He fucking needed it.

“Er — sorry, Pete’s off to Wood’s room to borrow their toothpaste and James —” Remus cut himself off, bringing a hand to the sides of his temples as he moved them in circular motions. “I’m pretty sure Prongs went to find Y/N. Something about finishing a sign or a song for today —”

Sirius bit back a laugh, “A song?”

“I guess he’s fucking Paul McCartney now.”

Remus passed him, disappeared into the loo, giving enough time for Sirius to get dressed.

It was his third dream that week about that night and it was wearing down on him emotionally. He was losing sleep, he wasn’t eating, he was reclining from the Marauders, he was so prone to anger; lashing out, yelling… he didn’t like how he was acting — it reminded him too much of Orion.

And the thought made him sick to his stomach. He didn’t want to be a monster.

Lost in his depressing thoughts, Remus re-entered the room. But instead of walking up to his bed, Remus halted, looking directly at him before he crossed the room, putting a protective, encouraging hand onto his shoulder. A serious and calculated look crossed his face.

“Do you need anything?” He spoke in a hushed voice, as if he were to speak any louder, the walls might hear.

Sirius felt unexpected annoyance brewing in his chest. Bloody fucking Lupin, of course he knew — using his heightened senses to sniff out his distress.

Unlike Sirius, who hid his emotions, who covered and buried even a sign of weakness, who searched for answers high and low, Remus was so blunt — clear cut with his emotions. He knew just what to say, knew what was happening before others did even if they hadn’t even spoken yet.

He wished his thought process was as clear-cut as Moony’s.

“What do you mean? I’m fine,” he said, faking nonchalance. Jokingly, he prodded Remus’ cheek with his finger, “Turning into Moomy, again?”

His friend did not smile, concern still latched on.

“You know I’m always here for —” Before he could say anything more, Sirius hastily grabbed his bag, slinging over his shoulder, bolting out of the room.

Hiding — running away from his problems — that’s what Sirius was an expert on. And like that, he switched off that part — the ugly, unloveable part of his brain for the day.

When Sirius reached the Great Hall, he wasn’t surprised when a dozen owls bombarded him with letters and chocolates. It brought a sly smile to his lips

What? He did say he was arrogant.

“Looking grand, Black,” Marlene teased as she observed the overflowing amount of cards already in his arms. She ruffled his hair as he was forced to take the seat next to L/N. Marlene turned to chat with Dorcas, who finally was back on her feet and kicking it.

“It’s not even eight and your bag is filled?!” Peter exclaimed, baffled.

A part of Sirius didn’t feel annoyed as he sat beside her. Maybe it was because his main stressor, the Black family, was out of the picture and he’d been desperately trying to control his lash outs, but Sirius was stumped. Since the break, especially after the ‘Muggle’ incident, he found himself tolerating her presence.

Just a bit.

He understood why James, Remus, Lily, Marlene; why everyone took a liking to her.

But he had an inkling as to why.

Although, his mixed feelings towards her were not helping in the slightest as he dealt with the string of recent events in his life.

She was the one that spoke first, which surprised him.

“Ugh —” Y/N fiddled with the hem of her robes, “Kettleburn wants us to switch the Puffeskin between us. I was thinking since we’re in the same house, we could keep it in one of our dorms. I was thinking about keeping it in yours.”

“Why not yours?”

“They liked to hatch in warm places. Your dorm has a fireplace, right? I remember James telling me you had one… And it would make it easier since women can go into the boy’s dorms.”

For some reason, he couldn’t stop himself — he just couldn’t. “I bet you’re trying to get off quick.”                

The accusations did not sit right with her.

For someone like Sirius, someone who dealt with the worst shit imaginable; someone who'd been beaten down, both metaphorically and literally — someone who by the textbook was supposed to curl in on himself — keep to himself, be small, avoid drama, don’t cause arguments — Sirius did anything but that. Everything he did, he made sure to cause a reaction.

“No —”

“Are we about to argue because you want to win, or is it because you want to learn?.”

“You’re so arrogant. I don’t need you for grades. Your brain probably grew twice in size when I turned you into a dog.”

“Didn’t ask.”

“Then why are you replying?”

Sirius rolled his eyes, “Very creative.”

“Do you ever just shut up?” She snaps. Her face inched closer to his.

Unbeknownst to her, for a second, a second that he’d never admit, Sirius' brain falters. They hadn’t been this close to each other since that day after Kettleburn had assigned their group project. He catches the smell of faint floral — tulips, he thinks. Or maybe vanilla? Books? Tea? He couldn’t place it.

But his heart did a funny thing. It never does a funny thing like that and it concerns him. He wasn’t sick, was he?

Silence lingers.

L/N scoffed, “Well finally, it looks like you have.”

Although, she seems completely unphased by their closeness.

“Huh, you really do shut up.”

He snorts, his brain finally working again. “You nag an awful lot.”

“Well, you —”

“Whiskers. You’re a woman, how do I look?” James asked. He came bouncing up to them across the hall from the entrance. He twirls a little, showing off his outfit. In one hand, he held a sign and a bunch of roses. “Would you fancy me?”

“Dropping hints, are we, Potter?” She smirks playfully, “Anyway, I know you nicked that from Sirius.”

Sirius looked over to him, his head nodding up and down but was surprised that she noticed the difference, “She’s right, that is mine. Maybe that’s why you look so good.” He meant for the remark to come off as a joke, but cringed as the words spewed from his mouth. He sounded like a complete arse. 

James ignores him, “I have everything planned.” Then, he holds up a sign, all in baby pink with hearts dancing across the page as a huge message declaring his affection for Emmeline was written in bold fonts. I looked fairly cheesy, but that was James for you. A romantic at heart.

“Well,” he starts, clearly happy, “Do you like it?! I’ve also got a song written!”

“Remember the last time you wrote someone a —”

Y/N kicked him, hard, under the table, which caused Sirius to look at her sharply before his face turned annoyed again. She hadn’t even glanced his way yet. She continued to calm James down, giving him a pep talk while Sirius would jump in with encouraging words.

“Of course we love it — is it for Lily or —”

James shakes his head and they both knew who he was referring to.

“— Then Emmeline will love it even more! Get the girl, Bambi!”

James smiled triumphantly, sticking his fist out for a fist bump before running off happily towards the Ravenclaw table.

“Y’know,” Y/N starts, talking to Sirius as they both watch as James gets up on the table, preparing to serenade Emmeline in front of the entire Great Hall with a guitar that vaguely looks like Remus’. “You can choose not to be a dick.”

Surprisingly, he laughed, small, but there. And then, he finds himself responding to her comments, “I beg to differ.”

“Then beg.”

Sirius’ eyes widened, feeling his mouth go dry. He bit the inside of his cheek, eyes fluttering shut a couple times. It didn’t help that she smirked at his reaction and it made Sirius feel funny. An odd swoop piddled at the base of his stomach.

“I’ll take that into consideration for later,” he settled on.

Remus and Lily waltzed into the room, both holding small cards of their own. L/N and Sirius shuffled over as much as they could to fit in with both Remus and Lily. 

A part of Sirius’ routine had started incorporating Lily doing his hair. Most often, she did pretty braids or buns — but of course, not without James pouting to him later. He only hoped that with Emmeline’s new presence, James would stop.

“Ooo la-la!” Y/N mocked, swiping one of the cards from Lily and Remus. “You two are popular.” She turned to face Lily.

“It’s n-nothing, really, “Lily stuttered, her head ducking down. But her eyes seemed to look up at her, seemingly in hope of some recognition.

“Don’t be so modest!”

“A-hem!” James’ bostal voice. His foot wobbled on the edge of the table that made them all nervous if he were to fall. He finally concluded his song. Lily looked over and smiled, glad to know that James had finally chosen a different target to annoy.

“Fuckin’ barmy,” Remus muttered out, a hand going to cover his mouth in suspense. His hand travelled down to his chin-stroking his jaw.

“Emmeline, thou beauty —”

“Oh my god,” groaned Remus again, sinking in his seat from the second embarrassment but smiling nevertheless.  

However, Marlene whopped loudly, a large grin on her face.

Lily looked over to the scene, her eyes finding their way back to L/N, Peter paled slightly at the scene, Marlene was howling in laughter along with Sirius.

But much like himself, L/N found herself laughing with them too.

Her laughter rang out, and Sirius found himself drawn to the noise. But what was worse, was that he wanted to hear it again.

And even though he knew that other women and even men were staring at him right now, ready to give him all their affection and attention, Sirius found himself unable to look away from her.

He felt his palms getting sweaty, his heart beat harder, he wanted to sit closer to her and a smile tugged at his lips but he forced it down.

Fuck.

It was almost as the realization hit him there like a thousand tidal waves.

His heart jumped, it sped up fast, he felt his skin heat and her laugh put him into a trance — everything like what James described it to feel like.

If it was what he thought it was, Sirius wasn’t quite pleased with his newfound knowledge. He already had too much shit to deal with and certainly, someone like her was not worth it.

As the thought arose, there was something else that pulled him from these thoughts; it was the very shit that Sirius was dealing with, coming to haunt him again.

Regulus entered the Great Hall and Sirius had the urge to run to the nearest bin again. He hadn’t seen him since that night.

Within seconds, Regulus sensed his gaze and their eyes locked.

He wasn’t proud of Regulus, if anything, Sirius resented him — hated him and his entire body spiked in anger as he stared at him. He chose his path. But he couldn’t help but feel immense, dreadful guilt.

He could’ve done more, been there for him more, talked to him more. There were so many possibilities, so many outcomes and Sirius managed to end up with one of the worst paths imaginable.

He both wanted to scoop him up in his arms, cry — hold onto him tight like how they used to years ago, but the other part also wanted to take a Beater’s bat and swing a Bludger at his head.

His head shook slightly, just enough for Regulus to get the hint.

There was a hard, hopeless expression on Regulus’ face as he seemed to take a sharp inhale, his shoulders slumping within every passing second.

They were from two separate worlds, more evident than ever now. They weren’t brothers, not really.

Two of the brightest stars were torn apart forevermore.

Once the bell rang, Sirius sprang out of his seat and walked down the halls. He dodged owls, letters, chocolates and even a few love potions. There was a familiar void that punched its way through Sirius’ chest.

It was too early for firewhiskey, he couldn’t get knackered, he couldn’t talk to James, not when he was this happy and getting a pack of smokes from Remus — he’d bloody know within seconds what was wrong and call a Marauder's meeting or sort out some intervention for his sanity. Besides, he needed to apologize to Peter for how he acted that morning.

So the next best thing; snogging — a quick shag.

The next girl that tossed a flirtatious wink his way, he immediately approached. She was pale, had brown hair, soft skin and he vaguely recognized her but couldn’t quite place it. They flirted, Sirius would suggest it, she smiled, nodding her head and giving out a breathless sigh as Sirius dove for her lips, walking into the nearest broom closet.

Things were fast, almost a blur. She reached down, fumbling with his buckle before it clanked to the floor; he unbuttoned her top, hoisting her up and pushing them against a wall. She let out soft whimpers and he groaned into her neck.

The sensation, the building pleasure had left as soon as it came, leaving him feeling empty once more. He peeled off the girl, checking if she was alright like every other time. He didn’t know her name, forgetting it, and smiled awkwardly as she dressed.

He watched her leave the broom closet, the door clicking softly behind her. He could hear the faint scuffle of her shoes as she skipped down the hall excitedly. She had gotten what she wanted, a piece of Sirius; the Sirius that he put out — the pretty, nicely packaged Sirius.

Bent down, sinking to the floor, rocking on the balls of his feet, arms wrapped tightly around his legs and his head resting on his knees; emotions pooled through Sirius, attacking his frail heart.

Sirius laughs; it was dry, sad, pathetic, defeated. It was hard enough to hide with smiles, pranks, the random girls, sex, but those happy hormones that he craved, it was never, ever enough.

He couldn't go on like this, he had to fix something because something else was bound to break.

His laughing became strained as the walls of his throat began to close, eyes filling with tears. But now, finally alone, he let them cascade freely as his quiet sobs echoed in the dusty closest.

Love isn’t a magic potion.

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

【I hope it was clear in this chapter that in no way am I trying to romanticize Sirius's trauma】

[eglcntine-archived]

❝  you know if someone came in here, they wouldn’t believe what they’d see?  ❞ // REAR WINDOW   (  1954  )   PROMPTS // @faultyconscience​

“And what is it that they would be seeing?” Severus asked, coy and dare they admit it, coquettish even. From the glass of wine they held in their hand, circling the rim with a fine finger as both they and Remus sat on this old dilapidated couch of the most gracious and noble house of Black.

“Humor me,” they encouraged.

What is it that they are doing? Is this not one of many visits they are destined to make throughout this quarter and more? Is Severus simply not entertaining a request asked of them; to stay for awhile in the name of keeping company?

They would say so. They would argue it down to the bitter of truth of the matter. This is... nothing more than keeping company.

Sirius would have a fit if he was aware enough of what occurred in his absence inside his own home. One would be a traitor and the other a whore, and it is quite easy to say just who is which. 

Severus claims no wrongdoing.

They preach innocence until proven guilty otherwise. Nothing to be read into how close they sat to the other. Legs tucked beneath them, their knees brushed against Remus’ own. Head propped by the delicate curve of their fingers, genuinely smiling, even as they picked at their former colleague with playful banter. Undoing his tie --- it is far too stuffy in here to be this dressed up still -- and holding it captive. Pointing out every sunkissed mark on his face; bold enough to swipe at his nose with a finger, mindful of their nails; French tips; a crescendo of a deep dark purple fading into a red drenched and soaked. Similar to the color on their lips. 

They are not smitten. They are not captivated or enthralled. They are simply finding pleasure in the smaller things in life be it in the company of another or the occasional smile or two. Sworn to their promise first before anything else. No room to indulge in some trivial fancying of a man who---- Well, they suppose none of that matters anymore now, does it?

Not to anyone else but them. 

Let it go. You’re only hurting yourself in the long run, Severus. Bask in this moment; you only get one.

[iliveiloveiwrite]

Time Away

A/N: Here is my entry into @blisfvll ‘s writing celebration! Congratulations again on 1.5k, I am such a big fan of your work (though I am so far behind on fic reading)!! The prompt I chosen is in bold. I love writing for older Sirius, it’s probably one of my favourite things to write. The flashback is in italics. As always, I hope you enjoy!! 

Summary: “I’ve missed having you in my arms.”

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Warnings: melancholy reminscing 

Word count: 1.1k - I’m sorry it isn’t longer!!

In the two years since Sirius Black had tasted his first breath of fresh air in over a decade, he had reconnected with his best friend from Hogwarts, been declared innocent, finally met his godson, and had found his way back into your life.

It was a tough time.

Remus forgave him after an evening of explanations and the Ministry acquitted him of his supposed crimes six months after his release. For Harry, there was never really anything to forgive after the night in the Shrieking Shack, but Sirius was determined to forge a relationship with the godson he only knew for fifteen months before being ripped away and jailed.

You, on other hand. He needed to take his time with you; he couldn’t go barging in and upsetting the balance of your new life. For a few days, he watched you in his animagus form; getting to know your routine, trying to find out whether there was someone in your life that made you happy. He would never be able to accurately describe the feelings of joy that ran through his body when he realised that there was no-one special, but that you also still wore the promise ring he gave to you upon your graduation from Hogwarts.

Sirius remembers standing on your doorstep after he had finally worked up the nerve to take those tentative few steps:

****

“I was wondering how long it would take you to come to me,” You say in greeting.

His mouth opens and closes, “How did you know?”

You level him with an unimpressed look, “A big black dog suddenly shows up in my back garden as the newspaper reports on a breakout from Azkaban. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together.”

Sirius leans against the doorframe, “I’ve missed you.”

Tears line your eyes and you bite your lip. You blink the tears away just as fast as they came, “How long has it been since you had a warm meal?”

Sirius blinks, not expecting this change of conversation, “Months.”

You stand aside, letting him enter the house you once shared with him. “It isn’t anything fancy; chicken and potatoes,” You say, leading him into the kitchen.

“It sounds wonderful. I loved anything you cooked for me.”

You plate up the food in silence, setting it down in front of him along with a drink. Sirius digs in straight away; moaning at the taste. It had been so long since he had warm meal that wasn’t bland.

Conversation is stilted; a decade long absence and there should be plenty to speak about, but a decade long absence has inevitably brought a gap between the two of you. 

****

It took time; he knew it would. It was a marathon they were running, not a race. In the months that followed, you got to know each other again. Sirius spent the time working on himself; getting himself to the healthiest he could be after an ordeal such as Azkaban.

Two years on and you’re both at a place that’s healthy enough to pursue the relationship that was jilted all those years ago.

---------

The anniversary of his incarceration hangs over the two of you like a black cloud. It drags down the mood of the day; the both of you wrapped up in your memories of that night almost fifteen years ago. You both navigate the day in a daze; bodies busy but minds far away.

On the night of the anniversary, you lay in bed together, wrapped up in the other. So close it’s hard to know where you end, and Sirius starts.

“Do you know what I missed most when I was away?” He asks, his hand running through your hair.

The name of ‘Azkaban’ was never uttered in your presence, neither was the term ‘imprisoned’. The both of you rarely speaking of the matter after that initial conversation when he appeared on your doorstep; preferring to think of happier times before the death of James and Lily and after Sirius returned to you.

You snuggle into his side, adjusting the blanket to cover the both of you better, “What did you miss most?”

His arms tighten around you, “I missed having you in my arms, like I do right now. My time away was hellish, I’ll not deny it, but I’d also describe it as bittersweet.”

“And why is that?”

“Well for starters, I wasn’t with you. I couldn’t see you, hear you, smell you, taste you. All my senses were cut off from every part of you. I missed being able to run a finger down your arm and watch you shiver at my touch. I missed you a lot, but it was thinking of you that helped me get through every day. I would wonder what you would be doing; whether you still had that tatty old dressing gown still, and whether you still took your coffee in the same way. So it was bittersweet.”

“I missed having you near me,” You whisper, confessing a secret you had never told anyone, “There was a month after you went away where I would continue cooking enough for two, or I would turn in the shop to get your opinion on a cushion for the living room or to ask you what you fancied for tea, and then the pain would start all over again.” You sigh, “I never really got used to you being away.”

Sirius drops a kiss to your hairline, inhaling the fruity scent of your shampoo – a scent that he had come to associate with being home.

It was rare for you to talk about your life without him. You brought things up every now and then, but you rarely discussed it because how could you talk about how your life continued when his was brought to a halting stop at the age of twenty-one?

That night neither of you sleep much; tormented by the nightmares of a night the two of you remember so similarly and yet, so differently. Sirius was hell-bent on retribution that night; confronting Peter like that with no back up and too many witnesses – he had been driven out of his mind by the strength of his grief for James and Lily but also for Harry. He’d never get to know his parents.

The early hours of the morning holds conversations similar to that of the previous night; how much he missed you, what he’s glad to have now – how grateful he is that you had never found anyone else.

He whispers promises into your skin; promises of never being apart again – never for that long again anyway. The sun rises with his words, as if solidifying his promises into the new day – letting the world know of his plans for you and your future.

The time apart had driven a wedge between the two of you despite the fact that you would never love another. Sirius vows to spend the rest of his life fixing what had been broken on that October’s night back in 1981.

*******

General (HP) taglist: @chaotic-fae-queen @obsessedwithrandomthings @harrypotter289 @dreamer821 @kalimagik @heloisedaphnebrightmore @nebulablakemurphy @the-hufflefluffwriter @figlia--della--luna @bforbroadway @idont-knowrn​ @summer-writes​ @big-galaxy-chaos​

Sirius Black taglist: @approved-by-dentists​ @fific7​ @susceptible-but-siriusexual​

[adenei]

Ch. 3 - How to Win a Witch in 10 Days

Thursday - Pt. 3

Just when she thinks her life can’t get any stranger, James Potter walks back into it. How was she just sitting at the bar, scouting out potential men to dupe, when a blast from the past shows up at her side and asks her to dinner? Of all the nights and all the bars, they run into each other tonight.

Lily’s completely shaken on the inside but forces herself to remain calm, cool and collected. James Potter is the one that got away. The one who fancied her at Hogwarts, had asked her on countless dates—which she turned down—and by the time Lily finally realized she had feelings for him, he’d moved on. It hurt more than she expected it to, so when he walked up to her just minutes ago, Lily wasn’t sure how to react.

She intends to say no when he asks her to dinner, but something stops her. It takes a lot to admit to herself that she’s missed him over the past few years. After all, they were friends before he started dating Bridgette, and they had to work together as Head Boy and Head Girl. The lack of James’s presence left a gaping hole in her post-Hogwarts life that she never expected, and it’s only now that he’s here with her that she realizes just how badly she misses him.

“C’mon, Evans, it’s just dinner. Catching up can’t hurt, can it? I’ve missed you.”

Missed me? Seriously? Does he even realize that he was the one who changed everything? Years of incessant invitations to go on dates, and he finally wears her down only to yank the rug from underneath her by choosing someone else.

Part of her wants to slap him for being such an arsehole, but not if he doesn’t know he played with her heart three years ago. Not to mention that a physical altercation would certainly ruin her chances of picking up another guy. The more sensible thing is to tell him it was nice seeing him, but she’s meeting someone else, but what happens if he stays and realizes that it’s a lie? No, that wouldn’t do, either. Then, an idea pops into her mind. It’s certifiably insane, but if she plays her cards right, it could be the perfect opportunity for revenge.

There’s something so devilishly captivating about James Potter, and Lily decides she does want to get dinner with him. In fact, her mind is set on spending the next ten days with him. This could be Lily’s chance to prove to herself—and James—that they were never meant to be.

She glances up at him to see that he’s waiting for an answer, although he’s not pushy. He knows better than to press for a response. It’s funny how easy a single moment can bring her right back to the Great Hall or the Gryffindor common room. Her traitorous heart begins to beat in her chest as she tries to avoid the piercing hazel eyes that are begging her to let him in.

Well, you know what, Potter? Maybe I will let you in. I’ll let you in long enough to play with your heart like you played with mine, and we’ll see how you like it.

The plan continues to build in her mind, and then some. Luring James Potter into a relationship only to drive him away seems easy enough. After the debacle in school, Lily knows they’re better off apart, and maybe she’ll even gain the closure she didn’t think she needed. Plus, she supposed a snog or two in the process wouldn’t hurt anything if it came to that.

Lily visualizes the checklist sitting on her desk at work and mentally adjusts some of her ideas to make the game she’s playing more believable. Once all is said and done, James will realize it was a mistake to ever have approached her tonight, and Lily can have a bit of fun toying with James in the process. So, the hardened look she forced herself to give earlier now softens, and Lily even chances a smile. She sets her almost empty glass on the bar and glances around to see if she can find Alice and Marlene. They’re mingling on the other side of the room.

Well, they know I’m out to snag a man, so if they see I’m gone, they’ll know why. Lily shrugs as she turns back to James.

“Well, Potter, how can I resist when you put it like that? Lead the way.”

He holds out his arm, and Lily takes it. A smirk plays at her lips as she looks back in the direction of her friends one more time. She catches Alice’s eye and gives her a wink before turning back toward the door.

Let the games begin.

“I have to say, I’m impressed,” Lily admits as she tucks into her basket of fish and chips.

James has taken her into muggle London to grab a bite to eat, and Lily’s quite shocked by his choice. It’s a small hole in the wall shop that serves the greasiest food, but it’s delicious. The walls are laden with modern art murals and the wooden tables are covered in carved names. It’s a place Lily is sure University students go for a late-night snack or on their way home from a pub crawl. Aside from Lily and James’s semi-formal attire, they fit in well with the crowd.

“Why? Am I still as irresistible as I was at Hogwarts?” James still possesses the same air of confidence as Lily rolls her eyes.

Still as cocky as ever, it seems.

“No, I meant that I’m impressed that you know your way around muggle London.”

“Sirius and I discovered this place on one of our nights out a while back. I come here at least once a week.”

Lily smiles at the mention of another old friend. “How are Sirius and Remus anyway?’

“Brilliant! We were all living together until recently. Finally decided it was time to get our own places.”

“The Marauders have finally split?” Lily feigns shock.

“Nah, not entirely. We still work together.”

“Now, why doesn’t that surprise me?”

James laughs. “We work for Alastor’s Ads. I work mostly with clients from magical games and food, but I’m looking to branch out a bit more.”

“Fascinating. I always did think you could talk your way out of a paper bag,” Lily recalls.

“Come again?” James’s eyebrows crease and one side of his face scrunches in confusion.

“It’s a muggle saying.”

“Ah. What are you up to these days?”

“I write for Witch Weekly,” Lily keeps her explanation short. If he doesn’t know, then there’s no harm in keeping the How To column from him completely.

“Lily Evans, Head Girl, so much promise to do some good in the world, writes for Witch Weekly?” James says.

“It was a job. Now that I’ve got my foot in the door with a company and I’m gaining some credibility, I’ll be able to branch out and actually write what I want to write soon.”

“Soon? How long might that be?”

How does James always see right through her? It’s been three years, but he’s still as frustrating as ever.

“As long as it takes to find an opening in a position I want. I’m not looking to make a lateral move just to keep writing pieces I’m not passionate about.”

“And what are you passionate about?”

Lily fights the urge to answer him right away. She needs to keep the mystery there if she’s going to succeed in her endeavors.

“I could ask you the same question. Do you really want to be selling pitches to restaurateurs or quidditch teams for the rest of your career?”

“That’s a fair question.”

“And your answer is?”

“It depends. I’m working on branching out to different companies right now. I’ve submitted a proposal for Zabini’s Jewels and am hopeful I’ll get the pitch. Should know within the next week or so.”

“Interesting,” Lily responds.

“So, are you going to answer my question now?”

Of course, James doesn’t forget that she dodged his question, but that doesn’t stop her from feigning forgetfulness.

“What question?”

“What you’re passionate about,” James smirks at her, indicating he sees right through this act.

Lily sighs and figures she should answer him. “I want to write articles that can truly make a difference in someone’s life. I’m over the superficial bullshit.”

James leans back in his chair and smiles at Lily.

“What?” she asks.

“Nothing. It’s just been nice spending time with you again.”

She returns his smile. “You know, as much as I might regret saying this later, you’re right. I got so wrapped up in finding a job and navigating life in the magical world that I wasn’t very good about keeping in touch with my friends.”

“I suppose I can forgive you for that.”

“Ah, I can die happy now, knowing you’ve forgiven me,” Lily winks at him.

“I aim to please,” James finishes their banter as they gather their things and get up from the table to head for the door.

They walk in silence for a while, and Lily basks in the enjoyment of James's company again. She wonders what he’s thinking about and whether their night should continue or if she should wait until tomorrow. Their feet lead them down a deserted alleyway in preparation to apparate out of muggle view. James pauses behind a dumpster and Lily follows suit.

“Do you want to come over?” James blurts, taking Lily by surprise.

Internally, she’s screaming yes, but it’s late on a Thursday and she still has to work tomorrow. She bites her bottom lip as James ruffles his hair with his hand.

“I’d like that, but I’m not sure if it's a good idea with work tomorrow.”

James lets out a gruff laugh. “Right, yeah, sorry—I just thought—”

“I had a good time tonight,” Lily reassures him. “Enough that I’d like to see you again if you’re interested?” She knows it’s ballsy to make the first move like that, but time is of the essence.

James’s eyes widen at her boldness. “Really?”

“I know, shocking, right?” she keeps her voice light and airy, while adrenaline is shooting through her body.

“Well, I’ve got tickets to the quidditch playoffs tomorrow—Arrows versus Magpies at seven. Perks of signing Appleby as a client,” James shrugs, trying to play it cool. “Just as friends, you know? I don’t want you to think it’s anything—”

“I’d love to!” Lily cuts him off.

She’s surprised that he’s backpedaling so much. He was never like that in Hogwarts. Then again, he probably figured he’d have a million more chances to wear her down. If he only knew….

“Really? Brilliant!” James’s tone sounds pleased, and Lily can sense a hint of relief in his voice. “There’s a Portkey leaving from the Leaky at six if you want to meet me there?”

“Sounds great.”

They both stand there awkwardly. Lily’s wondering if maybe she should have accepted his invitation to join him at his flat. She doesn’t want to kiss him on the first night, but after his invitation to the quidditch playoffs as friends, she knows she needs to do something to show him she’s interested in something more than that.

“So, I guess I’ll see you to—”

Lily realizes she’s out of time, and needs to do something so James is aware of her intentions. This is an act, and she has to play the clingy woman that moves before the time is right. Before she can talk herself out of it, Lily’s lunging toward James, throwing her arms around his neck and pressing her lips to his with purpose. Her eyes close, so she doesn’t have to be disappointed if his reaction is anything less than eager.

She always imagined that the first kiss she’d share with James Potter would be soft and slow and sweet, with him instigating, and this is anything but. Thankfully it’s not forced, but it is awkward as she feels James freeze at the contact.

Shit. Maybe he really is over me. I must have read the signs wrong.

Lily pulls away and turns her head to the side in an attempt to avoid his gaze as mortification begins to set in. She’s about to berate herself more for making a terrible decision and losing a whole day for her article when she sees a flash of black hair out of the corner of her eye as he leans in to regain the previous closeness.

His lips are on hers again, and his hands are splayed against her back. Lily’s hands find their way back to their previous position as the kiss takes her breath away.

James Potter is kissing her back, and it’s everything Lily’s dreamt about since her seventh year of Hogwarts. His breath is hot against her as his tongue grazes her lip before tentatively slipping into her mouth. She parts her lips enough to invite him in as her tongue meets his. Lily presses herself against his body as James groans in response.

Suddenly, it’s as if a switch flips in Lily’s mind, and she remembers why she kissed him in the first place. Reluctantly, she pulls away. James looks just as awestruck as Lily feels, his chest heaving up and down much like her own. Lily forces the thoughts of being back in his arms from her mind despite how much she misses the contact. Once she’s gained enough composure, she chances a glance toward James. He looks as windswept as she feels.

“So, I’ll, er, see you tomorrow?” James’s tone is more cautious than she remembers from their time at Hogwarts.

He looks completely thrown off balance. Good, Lily thinks, knowing she needs to keep him on his toes.

She shoots him a coy smile. “Absolutely. As more than friends, I hope?”

It can’t hurt to solidify her intentions.

“Y-yeah,” James stutters.

Lily doesn’t think she’s ever seen him rendered speechless before and feels rather smug that she can accomplish the feat.

“Brilliant. See you tomorrow,” she winks at him before focusing on her flat and apparating away.