#fafs 26
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IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING. I didn't mean for this to go a whole year without an update. I'm so sorry. I hope this 4.5k chapter makes up for it somehow <3
masterlist // fafs masterlist // rowaelin
As soon as he took that first deep breath upon waking up, Rowan knew he was being watched. Maybe that was thanks to all his years as an agent for the bureau, or perhaps it had to do with the months he had spent with Aelin that had honed that instinct into a sharp blade. Regardless of what had made him develop the sixth sense, he knew that when he opened his eyes to the soft light filtering through the cracks of the curtains, there would be a golden gaze pinning him to the bed.
Instead of looking at her, he reached across the bed to rest his hand on her thigh. Rowan could tell she was sitting with her legs folded up like a pretzel, her hands in her lap while she watched him. He moved a fraction of an inch closer until he could easily press his lips to the spot just above her knee.
"Rowan?" The tentative sound of her voice had him cracking open an eye to look up at her face. A deep crease was set between her brows while she worried her bottom lip in thought.
"What has you awake so early?" This soon after waking, the lilt of his accent was heavier, his tone deeper and more gravelly than usual.
"It wasn't you, right?"
"Baby–" he started, pushing himself up on his good arm to a sitting position. He shifted so they were sitting knee to knee, one of his legs dangling over the side of the bed so he could move closer to her. Aelin looked away as she licked her lips before shaking her head. "Look at me, love."
"I know. I know you didn't; I just–" Her eyes found his again, and she huffed out a sigh. It sounded like she had been carrying it in her lungs for years. "Somebody found out. They found out, and they told her. But everyone I know is dead except for Elide and Gavriel, and they think I'm dead. Even if Gav put it together, I can't see him spilling everything to Maeve before talking to me to see what the hell happened to me all those years ago."
Digging her palms into her eyes, she took another deep breath and exhaled slowly. Rowan counted the seconds, his thumbs brushing in soothing circles over her tan skin. It was something he had been thinking about non-stop since everything exploded in the bureau lobby. Even as the bullet pierced his shoulder, he tried to make sense of everything that had come to light.
How had Maeve known? It definitely hadn't been Gavriel. At the very least, her uncle would have approached him before going to Maeve. It didn't make any sense for him to find his long-lost and assumed-dead niece and go straight to his boss. Rowan knew firsthand that the deaths of his sister-in-law and her husband had plagued him. He was one of the few people that Gavriel had ever talked about it with, him and Aedion never having fully given up hope that maybe she was out there somewhere. It wasn't something he voiced frequently. Those admissions came after everyone else had left the bar, and it was just the two of them sharing a beer in silence after a difficult case. No, it definitely hadn't been Gavriel.
Who then? Aelin was right. Essentially everyone from her childhood was dead now. All her confessions had happened in places where he knew they weren't being recorded. By that time, he himself had become paranoid enough that he checked all the pens in his pockets, his cufflinks, and the buttons of his shirts, even to ensure nobody had slipped a device somewhere in his clothes. If they had been recorded, it would have been inside his apartment. But he would have known about that, too. He checked regularly and had frequency blockers hidden in every room.
If working for the bureau taught him anything, it was to always be on your guard and that a healthy dose of paranoia kept you from being surveilled.
There was Elide, but Rowan had a strong feeling that any of her suspicions would have ended with Lorcan beating down his door in the dead of night in search of the truth. She wasn't even an option, not really.
Who, then? Had Arobynn Hammel let the truth slip to Maeve before his heart had been ripped from his chest? Did Maeve have eyes and ears everywhere that whispered back to her, even when they were sure no one was listening? It seemed far-fetched, but he knew his boss had her moments of being ruthless. But if she'd known the truth since Arobynn, why did she wait so long to tell Aelin she knew? The window of when she found out and when she spoke with Aelin had to have been a small one. Nothing else quite made sense.
Rowan looked back at the woman he loved, her eyes fixed on his face while he processed every bit of information they knew. All he could do was shake his head and rest his brow against hers.
"I don't know. I wish I could give you more than that, but where it stands right now, I have no fucking idea. We will figure it out– all of it. Who told her, what kind of jeopardy it puts you in, what our next steps are. We will figure it out together."
There was a determination in her eyes that was admirable. And though he could tell she wanted to push back about something that he'd said– he had no idea which part– she nodded slightly and repeated, "Together."
~*~
Hours later, Aelin was sitting on the floor in front of the couch with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Despite a warmer day outside, a fire flickered in the fireplace. Watching the flames dance and twine around one another was a welcome reprieve from the near-constant headache she'd had for the last few days while trying to make sense of everything.
In the kitchen, Rowan hummed quietly while preparing dinner. The aroma of garlic, basil, and lemon was strong throughout the cabin. It felt bizarre that this felt like the most normal night she had ever experienced in her whole life. The sounds of dinner being prepared, a man she loved making everything with care. The reality was that it was the furthest from normal, considering she was on the run from the FBI. It was only a matter of time before she was found, captured, and dumped into a prison cell for the rest of her life. It made her stomach turn to know that the same thing would happen to Rowan for harboring a fugitive of her caliber and committing treason.
"I don't understand how this has become my life," she said aloud, and Rowan ceased his movements. The water turned on, followed by the sound of him washing and drying his hands before lowering his body to the floor beside her. "I don't mean I don't understand exactly how I ended up here. I understand that part. What I don't understand is how my life got here."
"You mean how you ended up an assassin in the first place." He shifted to drop his arm around her shoulder, and Aelin quickly turned into him, resting her face against his chest. It always surprised her when he understood what she was trying to say, even if the words were twisted and confusing on their way out of her mouth.
"How did I go from living in a mansion surrounded by family and friends, my father gearing up for a presidential run, having tea parties with my very best friends, or running through bonfires on Beltane with flowers in my hair to this?"
"What do you remember about that night?" The night she'd spent so much time running from, one that her brain had blocked out almost entirely. Aelin sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, eyes still locked on the flames as she chewed on it for a moment.
"Not much," she admitted. "I've never talked about it out loud to anyone before, either. But it really isn't much."
"Do you want to go over what you do remember with me? Maybe something will spark, and we can work backward to figure out what is happening now." Only with Rowan would she ever talk about it, the night that ruined her life. Perhaps she had emerged from the ashes like a phoenix, but everything she had wanted to be before died that night. So she had become something else entirely. Something horrible that her friends and family would be ashamed of and would judge. But he wouldn't.
Aelin turned so she was leaning against the couch, her arm propped on the cushion with her fist against her temple. Rowan mirrored her body language, reaching out to lace the fingers of their free hands. A silent reminder that he was there, he understood her, and he would follow this path with her to whatever end it may have. The thought alone made her want to cry, but she swallowed her emotions.
"The night that my parents were murdered, I was sleeping upstairs in my bed. Every night I went to sleep snuggled in a mountain of stuffed animals. Most of them came from when my dad went on business trips. He always brought one back for me. I had to have at least twenty stacked on top of my bed, dozens more littered around my room. I rotated them out frequently so that none of them would feel lonely having to sleep by themselves." Rowan's lips had curved into the smallest of smiles, his thumb making circles on the back of her hand. He was there. He had her. She was not alone, and she would not be afraid.
"I remember having a hard time falling asleep that night. I'd been to my parent's bedroom twice because I thought I heard things. It was a big house; it made a lot of noise. My mom repeatedly promised me that everything was okay, and she and my dad tucked me back into bed. I remember still feeling unsettled and scared. Like something was wrong, but I didn't know what. I couldn't place my tiny finger on it then, but I would hold my breath to see what I could hear in the silence. Once, I heard soft voices, which my mom said I was just hearing the two of them talking downstairs. I heard footsteps, but again, they were still up and getting ready for bed. I was just hearing them."
Aelin paused then, tears already filling her eyes and threatening to slip down her cheeks. Not once had she said any of this out loud. Nobody had ever heard this part. With Rowan, she could do this. She could say it aloud despite her throat burning from trying to suppress her emotions. Maybe it was time she let them out. Had she ever really grieved? Those first few weeks at the keep, maybe. But Arobynn had quickly shut down her wildfire range of emotions some months into her training when he decided she should be over it by now. With a deep breath, she found it in herself to continue.
"I slept a little bit that night, but it was that kind of sleep where you hear everything around you. Somewhere between being awake and dreaming. At first, I thought I was dreaming. But I heard my mother begging someone. Her voice had so much raw fear; I will never forget how it cracked when she said my name. As scared as I was, you think you're invincible as a child, you know? So I snuck downstairs, tip-toeing down the hallway to their bedroom. And then I just… froze. There was enough moonlight to see my dad completely limp on the bed. Something dark was on his skin and the sheets, running down his arm and pooling on the floor. His eyes were staring at nothing.
A man had my mom's hair gathered in his hand; her head pulled back with a gun to her temple while she begged and begged. But she wasn't begging for herself; she was pleading that he let me go. Over and over, she just kept saying let my baby live, please don't hurt her. And then she saw me standing at the door, and the last thing she said was my name before the gun went off. I have never heard anyone's voice sound so panicked and full of terror. My mom slumped against my dad, and then I turned and ran. At some point, I slipped, banged my head on the ground, and I don't know what happened after that."
Aelin only realized she had fully begun to sob when Rowan pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her tightly. While she was talking, she had registered the sounds of gasping, sharp breaths, and broken words, but it hadn't registered that it was coming from her. When she started talking, it all started pouring out. One broken word after another until her shirt was soaked with tears. On the one hand, it felt so good to finally get it out and tell someone what had really happened that night. On the other, it shattered her into a million pieces to recount those events.
The papers had gotten it all wrong. Most of them said it had been a quick assassination. Aelin didn't know how fast it had happened for her father, but the man that killed her mother had stood there and listened to her begging for her daughter's innocent life for long enough that Aelin had made her way downstairs and heard the end of it. That she saw the end of it. That it was burned into her brain no matter how hard she tried to shut those images out.
Aelin still had nightmares about it.
Rowan didn't say anything for a long while, just holding her and stroking her hair while she let out every emotion she had kept locked in an iron cage in the back of her mind. Emotions she had been trained to keep a firm hold on for nearly her entire life. Arobynn used that against her, beating her down until she had become distant and cold. Only when she had met Rowan did any of it start to slip out, and she had spent months hating herself for it. Aelin had always known from the time she started to get to know him that he would be her unraveling one way or another. He would either throw her in prison or make her feel alive again. At the time, she couldn't decide which was worse.
"I know that there were two men. I saw a second one when I turned to run. But after that, I didn't know anything else until I woke up in a bed in the keep. Arobynn never talked about how I fell under his 'care.' For a while, I thought it was just an orphanage. That I had been found and taken there while I was unwell. It didn't click until I was a few years older that it certainly wasn't the case because I would have woken up in a hospital before I got taken anywhere, and then I would have been taken to my aunt and uncle. I just remember seeing all these papers about how I was missing and presumed dead. Arobynn would show me news footage of Aerin and Gavriel begging for someone to just let them know where my body was so they could bring me home."
Her tears felt cool against her flushed cheeks, even as Rowan chased every one of them away with calloused fingertips. The memories of her aunt, uncle, and cousin standing on the porch of their home, desperately asking for her return. They hadn't known if it would be her alive and well, or if it would be her dead body. It had not mattered. Her family just wanted her back. Wanted to keep or safe or lay her to rest next to her parents. The image of Aedion's young, tear-streaked face floated to the front of her mind, followed immediately by his unseeing eyes the day she had shown up at the crime scene to find him dead.
It was all too much. The murder of her parents, her upbringing to become the underworld's most deadly assassin, that she was now everything her parents hated about the world. All of her friends that now lay six feet under simply because they were tied to her in some way.
The guilt had been gnawing at her bones since it all started. Aelin would give absolutely anything to trade places with them. The cost didn't matter. It would have been better if she were the one that was dead because if she had died that night, at least everyone she loved would still be breathing.
Throughout the years, Aelin had kept tabs on each of them, knowing they would do incredible things. They all had done their best to put something good back into the world. Dorian was nothing like his father, doing what he could to speak out and back his words up with actions to pave a better way for the rest of the world. Aedion had spent countless hours working with underprivileged youth in Big Brother programs right up to his death. Even Sam was taking steps to better his life until he was killed for trying to run with her.
Nehemia… gods, the things she could have done if her life hadn't ended so shortly. She had been a beacon of hope to so many, her charity work speaking for itself. It was only about doing everything she could to help people in need, including raising money through the Lotus Foundation, one her parents had helped her create to build housing in underdeveloped parts of their home country, Eyllwe.
Yet she was the one still living. She who had taken countless lives, that had so much blood caked onto her soul she would never be clean. It didn't matter what she did going forward; it didn't matter the circumstances of how it all happened. Aelin was the one that lived, and she had brought so much shame upon everyone in her life.
There were no bright sides to her friends being dead. That she would never have to face them, never have to tell them the truth, though… She was too much of a coward to ever have looked any of them in the eye after the life she had been forced into.
"Do you remember anything about the men that killed your parents? What they looked like?" Rowan's voice stirred her from her thoughts, soft, deep, and lilting. His thumbs still brushed the tears that fell from her cheeks.
"The men Maeve captured and convicted were the ones that did it. I know that for sure. I could never forget Cairn's face. His accomplice is harder for me to piece together, but he confessed after Cairn ratted him out to avoid the death penalty. I only saw him for a brief moment before I fell. If the wrong people had been convicted, I would have hunted them down and killed them myself." And she would have. Those lives would have been two of the few she held no remorse over, and it wouldn't have been quick. It would have lasted long enough until some of the grief had eased in her chest. Until she wasn't so scared to look back on her childhood memories anymore.
"That case got her the appointment for FBI Director." Rowan lifted the bottom of his t-shirt to wipe the snot gathered in her nose and upper lip.
"She deserved it for that. Even though I had just turned nine, I was hyper-aware of what my life was turning into by that point. And seeing justice brought down on them… it brought some relief. Not much, but enough to know they were behind bars. I would have preferred the death penalty for them both, but at least there was a confession." Aelin shrugged her shoulders. It was true. She would have killed them after her arrest if she had been in the same prison. Clearly, the gods had other plans for her, though.
"Is there anything else you can piece together?"
"Right now, no. But if I have any eureka moments, you'll be the first and only one to know."
Aelin had been waiting for Rowan's apology. The one that came from a place of empathy, that made her feel like she was pitied. But it never came. Instead, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead. The gesture said more than words ever could. That he understood, that he hated the shitty hand life had dealt her, that he stood with her. That he was there.
And that meant more to her than any words ever could.
~*~
Whitethorn had been right. In the days after Sardothien's arrest, he had gone on and on about how it was too convenient. It didn't make sense that she was just a whisper in the wind and suddenly became so sloppy in her work that boxes of evidence had, literally, been dropped on the steps of the FBI headquarters.
Raking through every piece of information that they had on her, he could see that clear as day. For years their department had chased a ghost, someone quick and silent. There had never been a drop of her own blood, a single hair that fell off her head. No fingerprints, no saliva. None of her DNA packed under someone's fingernails from a struggle. They didn't even have proof that it was her at all, actually. They only knew that the legendary assassin was a woman based on one witness account, and the woman had been so old and frail and unsure of her account that it would have been inadmissible in court.
All of her alleged crime scenes had been scoured with a fine-toothed comb. They knew it was murder; that much was clear. But Celaena Sardothien had dozens of aliases, hundreds maybe. He was sure of that. Yet the "proof" they had received in a box full of her fake passports and IDs seemed too good to be true. None of them led them anywhere; it was like she'd never touched them, never used them at any point. Anyone could pay someone to make fake identification, and what they found in those boxes was so blatantly fake that it wouldn't fool anyone.
Her case was a puzzle that he was dying to solve. Usually, he loved cataloging evidence that led to a trial. Sure, they would have to find and capture her again before she saw her day in the courtroom, but he enjoyed this part of the work. Except for right now, when not a single loose thread took him anywhere at all. The woman simply did not exist.
With tired eyes, he pushed away the file he'd been reading and turned to another that kept him up at night. Lorcan wasn't usually so personally invested in the cases they solved, but the look in Gavriel's eyes when he found out his son had been murdered still haunted his nightmares. The sounds of the sobs that broke free from his throat were the sounds of a soul dying. Gavriel had loved his son with everything he had, and Lorcan almost couldn't forgive himself for having to be the person that broke the news.
Flipping open the Ashryver file, he scanned the evidence log and accompanying photos. When he got to the images of Aedion's lifeless body, he started to flip faster, not needing to see the pictures to remember them in vivid detail.
Just as he was about to skip the last one, a close-up shot of his face and neck, Lorcan's fingers froze against the glossy page. In the photo, Aedion's glassy eyes stared at the cloudy sky. Eyes that were a bright turquoise, his pupil rimmed with gold. They were dimmer now than they had been while he was alive, but…
But he knew those eyes. Not just because they were a strong trait of the Ashryver gene pool but because he had looked into them himself. Yes, he had met Aedion several times at various get-togethers and holiday parties. But his eyes were identical to a different pair he'd become all too familiar with for the last several months.
Then there was his face. Gavriel's son favored him strongly, but there was a softness in his features that he had spent months looking at on a different face. A woman's face. The same shade of golden hair, though in these photos, it was sticky with dried blood.
Lorcan pulled his laptop closer to him, quickly opening a tab and sending his fingers flying across the keyboard. It was probably the fastest he had ever typed, and he had never been so impatient for the single second it took to get hundreds of images back from the search result.
He clicked on the third photo down, one of a small family standing on a stage. The man and woman waved to the crowd while the young girl beamed where she stood between them. No older than seven, her little hands clasped her mother and father's tightly.
Rhoe and Evalin Galathynius pictured with their daughter, Aelin, on Vice President Galathynius's presidential campaign trail in Perranth.
A few weeks ago a conversation of Lorcan arguing with Rowan about Celaena's involvement in Elide's attack had him pushing back from his chair. Ice slithered up and down his spine, blood turning cold as he recalled one specific thing that Rowan said to him that he hadn't caught in the moment because he was so upset and worried about his fiancee's life.
Rowan had called her Aelin. Said that Aelin didn't have anything to do with what happened to Elide. He vividly remembered feeling bothered by the conversation afterward, that there was something between the lines that Rowan hadn't been saying plainly with words, but perhaps they were there. Whitethorn had been so fiercely sure that Celaena didn't do it, didn't have it ordered, had clean hands where Elide was concerned. He might be a raging dumbass for dating a woman with multiple charges of murder to her name, but the man was not stupid.
Lorcan's eyes snagged on another image, a group photo of two dozen or so people. Standing in the front were five children. All of them were dressed in their holiday best, standing before a towering Yulemas tree covered in glittering ornaments and twinkling lights. They appeared to be gathered in a great hall of sorts. Everyone in the picture shared wide smiles as they looked at the camera.
In the middle of the group of children was a young girl with long dark hair wearing a red and green plaid dress. A bright red bow gathered some of her soft curls from her face. A face that Lorcan would know anywhere because not only had he seen hundreds of childhood pictures of her, but he woke up to that face every godsdamn morning.
Elide's arms were looped through two other girls, one with long golden hair and fair skin, the other with black hair in carefully woven braids, her skin dark. The three of them wore similar dresses, the color being the only thing different about them. The blonde girl on her right had a silver and dark green dress, while the one on her right had a dress of purple and silver.
Aelin Ashryver Galathynius was on Elide's right. That was factual. Beside Aelin, Aedion Ashryver stood with his arm thrown around her shoulders. Dorian Havilliard and Chaol Westfall were on the other side of Nehemia Ytger. Behind them were their parents and friends of their parents. All of them gathered before one of the famous Galathynius family Yulemas parties.
It wasn't just Aelin standing beside Elide, though. That thought clanged through Lorcan hard. He felt it in every nerve and bone of his body; he had never been so absolutely positive of something in his entire life.
Celaena Sardothien was Aelin Ashryver Galathynius, a girl long since presumed dead to the world and everyone that loved her.
Holy gods.
#fafs#fafs 26#far away from sane#hqoe#highqueenofelfhame#hqoe writes#my writing#fanfiction#rowaelin#rowaelin angst#hurt/comfort#lorcan salvaterre#elide lochan#maeve#tog#throne of glass#evalin ashryver galathynius#rhoe galathynius#aelin ashryver galathynius#rowan whitethorn#tog fanfic#tog fanfiction#throne of glass fanfic#throne of glass fanfiction#rowaelin fanfic#rowaelin fanfiction#modern au#fbi au#white collar au#allegedly
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TMAGP EP 26 REACTION (SPOILERS)
SORRY IM LATE MY SISTER IS DOING HER ARANGETRAM ON SATURDAY SO HECTIC HECTIC
Okay but like. I'm suspicious too why is it just "dog". And why is Celia like. Not concerned about that either.
KAHDAKHFNE WE'RE GONNA SEE HELEN??????
MAGNUSSING. WE ARE IN FACT MAGNUSSING.
Celia just. Has a knife. Okay. I am sure Alice is kinda turned on by this. She's trying to be normal about this.
...is Mr. Jarrod able to compell people into doing what he says??
Oh dear lord what the hell this really is a nightmare I hate running
AN ARCHIVIST???? WHAT???? WAS I WRITE????? I SAID THAT ERROR WAS JUST AN ARCHIVIST NOT OUR ARCHIVIST.
Alice you just have proof that what Gwen went through absolutely happened.
Dyhard is MOVINGGGGG
HOLY SHIT ALICE YES. OUR GIRL OUR DETECTIVE ALICE. SHES GETTING IT SHES MAGNUSSING
Huh. So was Celia looking the Archivist because she was hoping it would be like Jon and would be able to tell her how to return to her dimension
Oh my god right Celia nearly got eaten by Helen I remember that. No wonder she's a bit taken back by her.
Also MY LADY HELEN PLEASE DONT BE A TORY HERE I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU
(Faffing with brochures) took me out lmao they're so British
They're doing better this time! Also I wonder if Helen would have been like this had she not been Distortioned.
You know nvm she reminds me of Distortion Helen
(ITS VERY REMINISCENT OF THE DISTORTION) ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME I HATE YOU THATD MY DOORWIFE YOURE MAKINGCME MISS MY MESSED UP DOORWIFE
Sam and Jack-oh no. How is Celia supposed to leave if she's this serious about Sam? Enough to have her kid meet him?
THE BABY IS A TORY AKDHSKFH
oh. OH OKAY THIS OKAY THEN WELL.
Return of Rusty Quill Kissing Noises
OKAY SO YEAH A LOT. A LOT JUST HAPPENED. AHHHHHH.
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I think we need to start putting Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD/EUPD) under the microscope
I think it's high time we really get into it
Let's stop faffing about and get real
Like why do men get diagnosed with C-PTSD but women with the same experiences and symptoms get BPD
Or, hmm, I dunno, maybe why women who are undiagnosed neurodivergent are continually misdiagnosed with BPD without a moments consideration that it could be something else at play
Or how the diagnosis is given so quickly on assumption
It's almost like...
I dunno man
Anyone remember that period in the history of psychology where women who were dealing with trauma from abuse and/or sexual assault and the like were said to have "hysteria"
Ykno how they'd have one conversation with a psych and the psych would be like, "hmm, female, emotionally unstable, difficulties communicating, fragile sense of self. Oh yes yes, hysterical"
RING ANY BELLS!? ANYONE!?
As someone who was misdiagnosed with EUPD/BPD at 21 after one conversation with zero investigation. Who also later discovered they have adhd (diagnosed at 26) and autism (undiagnosed/dismissed due to adhd etc.). I find it pretty fucken sus that all these women are given this bullshit catch all diagnosis that labels them a problem and places the blame entirely on the flaw within themselves and then just... left to it.
I've been a part of BPD groups. I've seen those women. I've seen how the diagnosis has NOT helped them. I've seen how their symptoms have worsened. How hopeless they feel. How they try and try to do or be better but can't seem to get the hang of it.
And I've seen how many of them really need help dealing with their trauma, their symptoms of C-PTSD. I've seen how so many of them have had difficulties with parents friends and partners, always being misunderstood and the problem, almost like... hmm I don't fucken know - neurodivergent people maybe!
Honestly, to anyone who has been given the diagnosis of borderline. I urge you to investigate. Dig deeper. Do your own research. Look into the stats on misdiagnosis (I promise you, they are staggering!) Look at what conditions/disorders are often mistaken for borderline. Just do yourself a favour and question this label. Investigate.
#mine#bpd#eupd#borderline personality disorder#emotionally unstable personality disorder#misdiagnosis#c ptsd#neurodivergence#adhd#autism#i still have this diagnosis on my medical record and i cant stand it#we should not be victim to a system that fails us simply because of our gender and their assumptions#women deserve to have thorough assessment#women deserve real attentive psych clinicians who wont just give them the catch all diagnosis and send them on their way#psychology#womens mental health#mental health#mental illness#bpd isnt real#and i honestly believe that#its a dismissive diagnosis and it is not helping anyone
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Hey! May I please request 12 from the pumpkin set and 26 from the ghostie set with Tara carpenter please?
done ! im sorry this took so much faffing around but i love what came out of it
please enjoy ' hot chocolate '
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You ship you are just as bad as the others! Shippers are just predators who fetishize gay men. They are real human beings not fictional characters. Disgusting. You (aka ALL shippers) all claim you love and respect them so much but yet one of the most disgusting and disrespectful things you can do to someone who is gay is out them. So many social media post, fan art, ai images, audio, videos, etc. constantly giving “proof” that their ship is real which is literally trying to OUT SOMEONE!!! There’s no love or respect there.
Also mrs-monaghan is one of the worst. A true psychopath who continues be so utterly disrespectful to the people they claim to “love”. Has pissed off a lot of people including other jikook shippers. I’m so glad they just got doxxed on the FAF forums so all their personal info gets sent to BH. Maybe they will get the therapy they so desperately need.
Hi first of all please don't use such language with me , second of all I am NOT a shipper .
I am a BTS Army , I love the member's interactions and my personal favourite is Jikook I use Jikook NOT as a shipper but as someone who enjoys their bond , and I don't label it. Their bond could be anything, we as fans have no authority to dictate them
And lastly if you have a problem with a blogger please address them directly I don't know about the blogger u mentioned but yes they have interacted with me and asked me some questions and I answered them , that's it.
Please if you have any questions reach out to me but not with such a vulgar tone . You don't know me but I can understand your frustration, I can say I too feel the same sometimes when people don't respect others . But the irony here is you are also not respecting me .
In any of my posts did u get the impression that I meant any harm to Jimin or Jungkook. I adore them , and respect them fully. And as a 26 year old woman I think I have knowledge about boundaries and relationships.
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Hey there, thanks for caring about others but the sick cat post by queueinglovee is a scam.
The pet scammer is very frequent on tumblr. They make a new blog, put a few posts on it to seem legit, spam asks to people requesting donations, and then remake when they inevitably get deleted. Remember to try to scroll down o the bottom of a person’s blog, and turn on post timestamps in settings. In this case the person’s blog was created Sept. 26 and their donation post was made within only 30 minutes of the earliest post on their blog.
Also, never trust a fundraiser that requests PayPal payments through “Friends and Family”. There are other ways to receive donations on PayPal but they request this because payments sent through Friends and Family are not protected against fraud and can’t be refunded. Never send FaF payments to people you don’t know and trust, because you can’t get it back.
More info on scams like these can be found on Kyra45’s blog or if you just look up tumblr pet scams. If you delete the post, you could also report op for spam or phishing
OH COME ON
I knew there was something fishy about it from the start urgh. thank you for telling me about it, I deleted the post n will report em
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I posted 141 times in 2022
131 posts created (93%)
10 posts reblogged (7%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@jenniferbrincho
@ladypepsfanart
@tinymintywolf
@cockamamieschemes
@ladypepperofdavenshire
I tagged 141 of my posts in 2022
#ladypepperofdavenshire - 122 posts
#original character - 49 posts
#untitled sci fi story - 39 posts
#inktober 2022 - 31 posts
#inktober - 31 posts
#untitled sci fi wip - 30 posts
#sci fi - 26 posts
#original characters - 25 posts
#the empress - 17 posts
#dune ocs - 17 posts
Longest Tag: 89 characters
#also thought up a really fun concept for the soldiers today that i wanna flesh out huhuhu
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
TRON oc dump WOO!! I’ve had these characters since 2016 and haven’t done a thing with them since then, but watching Uprising with some friends sparked my imagination, and so I decided to dust em off and work on some plot stuff! •Della is a former Siren-turned-club waitress (she works for Donavan, blue circuitry). She flirts with soldiers to get information from them for their homegrown resistance to use. She often gets in over her head, but she’s good at talking her way out of a situation! •Daxon is a Sentinel Scout who grew disillusioned with CLU’s propaganda and decided to go awol. He seeks refuge at Donavan’s club, where he’s waiting until he can get his identity disc modified before getting smuggled out of Purgos. •Donavan is the owner of the club where Della works at. He’s also an ISO who is able to masquerade as a Program, which is one of the reasons why he started the small resistance by helping out other ISOs and Programs on the run from the army.
97 notes - Posted January 10, 2022
#4
One Mermaid Gytha pic for this MerMay WOO
98 notes - Posted May 16, 2022
#3
Faffing around with some Dune stuff again, this time attempting some Bene Gesserit designs ✨
I drew inspiration from medieval nun habits for the overall look and shape of the clothes, and ancient Egypt for the gold detailing. The idea of the Sisters mirroring each other came early on, though I didn’t have the notion for the veils until after tackling the Reverend Mother since I wanted her to look more extravagant by comparison; the Sisters are meant to blend in and operate behind the scenes throughout the Empire, so I thought it was fitting :)))
110 notes - Posted April 3, 2022
#2
See the full post
149 notes - Posted January 9, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
So I’ve been watching Tron Uprising with a few friends and having a blast! I think the last pic I drew of Beck and Paige was from FIVE years ago, so they were due for an updated piece of fanart! I think Tron is gonna be next…
189 notes - Posted January 8, 2022
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I posted 2,239 times in 2022
That's 2,239 more posts than 2021!
4 posts created (0%)
2,235 posts reblogged (100%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@fatedbuck
@inactive-faf
@death-by-sc0tland
@womenofmcu
@rollingthunderpouringrain
I tagged 2,174 of my posts in 2022
Only 3% of my posts had no tags
#doctor who - 376 posts
#star wars - 287 posts
#mcu - 153 posts
#hannibal - 128 posts
#obi wan kenobi - 118 posts
#lotr - 105 posts
#spn - 87 posts
#florence pugh - 82 posts
#good omens - 59 posts
#the sandman - 57 posts
Longest Tag: 138 characters
#this is so funny you like 1d then when i start obsessing over star wars i see you like it too and now you're reblogged stuff about her and
My Top Posts in 2022:
#4
Heyyyyy!!
Heyyy how are you doing? ☺️
0 notes - Posted February 12, 2022
#3
List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. learn to know your mutuals and followers ♡ (u don't have to ofc ❤️)
Thank you <3
Trees, candles, stories, tea, my bed
2 notes - Posted December 3, 2022
#2
Guess who just met Mads Mikkelsen 👀
Thanks @rollingthunderpouringrain for the birthday present!
8 notes - Posted November 26, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
If you want me to tag something specifically, tell me! <3
Mostly:
Doctor Who
Sherlock
Lord of the Rings/Hobbit
Hannibal
Supernatural
Lost
Star Wars
Good Omens
The Sandman
Shadow and Bone
The Witcher
Stranger Things
MCU/X-Men
The Handmaid's Tale
Vampire Diaries
Game of Thrones
NCIS
Young Royals
Heartstopper
Avatar the last Airbender/Legends of Korra
Fleabag
Arcane
Broadchurch
Pirates of the Caribbean
Random films & celebrities
31 notes - Posted January 30, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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🧨 • « Retour à l'âge du feu. » Huile, aquarelle, transferts, craies & larmes de fafs coincés du cul sur papiers / Oil, watercolor, transfers, chalk and tears of fascists stuck in the ass on paper. Par ∫ Défaut. 18 x 26 cm. {2023}. • Retour à l'âge du feu & ses sacrifices qu'exécutent en musique les automates de la Règle du jeu.
#painting#oilpainting#fineart#abstractart#figurativeart#glitch#databending#contemporaryart#traditionalpainting#contemporaryartist#colormelt#contrastedecouleurensoi#contrastesimultáneo#painter#artfair#artshow#groupshow#artexhibition#metgala#metgaladesagrandmèrelagranny
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RCB 'Fizz'le out: Mustafizur stars in easy CSK win in IPL opener
Mustafizur Rahman set it up with his bagful of cerebral variations before Ravindra Jadeja and Shivam Dube got the job done with their superlative finishing skills to script a comfortable six-wicket win for Chennai Super Kings over Royal Challengers Bengaluru in the IPL opener here on Friday.
CSK, who have not lost to RCB at home since 2008, thus kept their enviable record intact.
Mustafizur, with his best ever IPL figures of 4/29 in four overs, was largely responsible for restricting RCB to 173 for six on a good batting track, where a 95-run sixth wicket stand off 50 balls between Anuj Rawat (48 off 25 balls) and Dinesh Karthik (38 not out off 26 balls) was the visitors' only saving grace.
Jadeja (25 not out off 17 balls) brought his oodles of experience just when things could have got tricky in the run chase, hurrying a rusty Dube (34 off 28 balls) into completing some quick doubles to complete the chase in 18.4 overs. Dube also grew in confidence in Jadeja's company towards the end as he finished the chase in a jiffy.
Credit should also be given to Rachin Ravindra (37 off 15 balls), who teed off in brilliant fashion with three sixes and as many boundaries to set the tone.
Ajinkya Rahane (27 off 19 balls), who had a forgettable Ranji season with the bat, also hit a couple of sixes before a great piece of outfielding by Glenn Maxwell saw his back.
Dube and Daryl Mitchell (22 off 18 balls) were peppered with short balls from Alzarri Joseph and Cameron Green with the latter falling prey to one such delivery.
When RCB batted, Mustafizur brought back memories of his rookie days but an impressive rear-guard action from Rawat took RCB to a fighting total.
Rawat, who initially was cautious, launched into Tushar Deshpande, whose natural length is on the shorter side. Three sixes and a four in the 18th over turned the course as RCB knocked 83 runs in their last six overs. Rawat hit four fours and three sixes in his innings.
This was after Mustafizur took four wickets in his first two overs to reduce RCB to 78 for five.
'Fizz' as he is known in the cricketing fraternity wouldn't have got a first eleven nod had Matheesha Pathirana been fit to represent the 'Yellow Brigade'.
Brought in the Powerplay to stop a rampaging Faf du Plessis (35 off 23), Mustafizur, gauging the pace of the track, didn't keep it too full and bowled between the 7-8 metre length to extract enough bounce to get a couple of dismissals.
Kohli made a painstaking 21 off 20 balls in his first competitive game in more than two months.
Having got to face only six deliveries in the Powerplay, Kohli's first attacking stroke was a pull six off Maheesh Theekshana (0/36 in 4 overs) but he never looked in rhythm after a two-month paternity break as a mistimed pull led to his dismissal.
Rahane had caught it at deep mid-wicket but as he was about slide out, he flicked it inside for Rachin to complete the relay catch.
Mustafizur's best delivery however was one that cleaned up Green when he rolled his wrists to bowl a cutter with a wobbly seam.
At the onset, Deepak Chahar (1/37 in 4 overs) did look woefully short of match practice, as his loopy outswingers got harsh treatment first up from skipper Du Plessis.
But RCB's joy was short-lived as the skipper was caught in the deep after a brisk knock.
Rajat Patidar's (0) wretched run since England Tests continued as he nicked one to Mahendra Singh Dhoni behind the stumps.
The break in momentum for RCB worked in Chahar's favour as a change of ends saw him bowl one that pitched on back of length and moved a shade to have Glenn Maxwell caught behind.
Source :
RCB 'Fizz'le out: Mustafizur stars in easy CSK win in IPL opener
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Superb Batting Display Leads Team to 173 Total
In a thrilling encounter, RCB showcased an exceptional batting performance, amassing a total of 173 runs for the loss of 6 wickets in their allotted 20 overs. Let's delve into the highlights of each player's contribution:
1. Virat Kohli: Started the innings with a brisk 21 runs off 20 balls, maintaining a commendable strike rate of 105.0 before being caught by Rachin Ravindra off the bowling of Mustafizur Rahman.
2. Faf du Plessis (C): Led the team from the front with an impressive 35 runs off just 23 balls, including 8 boundaries, at a strike rate of 152.17, before falling victim to Mustafizur Rahman.
3. Rajat Patidar: Faced a brief stint at the crease, unfortunately departing without scoring, caught by the experienced MS Dhoni off Mustafizur Rahman's bowling.
4. Glenn Maxwell: Entered the fray but couldn't make an impact, facing only one ball and being dismissed by Deepak Chahar, caught by MS Dhoni.
5. Cameron Green: Contributed a valuable 18 runs off 22 balls, including a boundary, at a steady strike rate of 81.82, before being bowled by Mustafizur Rahman.
6. Anuj Rawat (Wk): Showed immense prowess with the bat, crafting a blistering 48 runs off just 25 balls, which included 4 boundaries and 3 towering sixes, at an astonishing strike rate of 192.0, ultimately getting run out by MS Dhoni.
7. Dinesh Karthik: Played a pivotal role in the latter part of the innings, remaining unbeaten with a composed 38 runs off 26 balls, featuring 3 boundaries, at a strike rate of 146.15.
Extras
In addition to the impressive individual performances, the team garnered 13 extra runs, including 10 wides, 1 bye, and 2 leg byes, enhancing their total score to a formidable 173 runs.
With a blend of aggressive stroke play and calculated innings building, RCB showcased their batting prowess, setting up an intriguing contest for their opponents.
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ALLIGATOR auf der FAF 2024
FAF 2024 - Bedarfsorientiertes Sortiment, einfache Verarbeitung – „ALLIGATOR macht´s einfach“-Prinzip im Fokus des Messeauftritts
ALLIGATOR auf der FAF 2024 - Bedarfsorientiertes Sortiment, einfache Verarbeitung – „ALLIGATOR macht´s einfach“-Prinzip im Fokus des Messeauftritts
26.01.2024 - Die FAF - FARBE, AUSBAU & FASSADE ist die europäische Fachmesse für Fassadengestaltung und Raumdesign – in diesem Jahr findet sie vom 23. bis zum 26. April in Köln statt. Mit dabei ist ALLIGATOR: In Halle 7, Stand 528, zeigt die Profi-Marke der DAW spannende Produktlösungen rund um die Gestaltung von Fassaden und Innenräumen. Die ALLIGATOR FARBWERKE zählen zu den führenden Herstellern im Baubeschichtungssektor. Getreu dem Motto „ALLIGATOR macht´s einfach“, das im Mittelpunkt des FAF-Messeauftritts steht, hat sich das Unternehmen zum Ziel gesetzt, die tägliche Praxis des Fachhandwerks einfach und reibungslos zu gestalten. Für diesen Zweck bietet ALLIGATOR neben einem kompakten Profi-Sortiment mit fairem Preis-Leistungs-Verhältnis zudem passgenaue Service- und Beratungsleistungen.
Schnell und unkompliziert zur beeindruckenden Fassade
Im Bereich der Fassadengestaltung steht dem Verarbeiter ein klar strukturiertes Sortiment zur Verfügung, mit dessen Hilfe sich schnell das passende Produkt ermitteln lässt: vom Kieselit- Modellierputz für Fassaden-Kreativtechniken – z. B. Besenstrich oder Kammzug – bis hin zu schützenden Fassadenfarben wie z. B. Kieselit-Fusion für Außenanstriche mit hoher Kreidungsresistenz. Die Produkte ermöglichen es, auf einfache Art und Weise beeindruckende Oberflächen an der Fassade zu gestalten. WDV-Systeme mit optimalen Dämmeigenschaften runden das Sortiment von ALLIGATOR im Bereich der Fassade ab.
Konservierungsmittelfreie Wandgestaltung
Ebenso klar strukturiert wie das Fassadenportfolio ist auch das Innenprodukte-Sortiment von ALLIGATOR. Neben bewährten Innenfarben-Klassikern besticht das Sortiment außerdem mit Produkten, die frei von Lösemitteln, Weichmachern und Konservierungsstoffen sind. Hierzu zählen beispielsweise die verarbeitungsfertige Leichtspachtelmasse Kieselit-Klima-Spachtel LKF, Tiefgrund LKF für saugende Untergründe innen und außen sowie die Dispersions-Silikat-Innenfarbe Kieselit-Bio- Mineral LKF. Die Produkte ermöglichen einen konservierungsmittelfreien Beschichtungsaufbau vom ersten bis zum letzten Arbeitsgang. Zudem eignen sie sich besonders für sensible Bereiche wie Kindergärten und Haushalte mit Allergikern – ohne Einbußen bei Qualität oder Verarbeitung.
Kreativtechniken: einfache Verarbeitung, hochwertige Oberflächenoptik
Für den anspruchsvollen Wohnbereich und repräsentative Bereiche eignen sich die Kreativtechniken von ALLIGATOR: Mit Art Velluto, Art Nobile, Art Caltino oder dem Magnetspachtel LEF lassen sich in nur wenigen Arbeitsschritten hochwertige Oberflächen gestalten – mal mit metallisch- schattierendem Samteffekt, mal in matter Natursteinoptik. Ein Plus an Farbtonvielfalt und Gestaltungsfreiheit ermöglichen dabei die ALLFAcolor-Tönanlagen von ALLIGATOR.
Weitere Informationen zu den Messehighlights von ALLIGATOR gibt es unter www.alligator.de
Abbildungen: ALLIGATOR
ALLIGATOR FARBWERKE GmbH Markstraße 203 32130 Enger
CAPAROL Farben Lacke Bautenschutz GmbH Roßdörfer Straße 50, 64372 Ober Ramstadt
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Goalkeeper, Coach die as Algerian club's bus crash
A bus crash in Algeria on Wednesday night killed a player and coach from top-flight side Mouloudia Club El Bayadh, prompting the national football federation (Faf) to postpone all games. The country's state news agency said goalkeeper Zakaria Bouziani, 27, and assistant coach Khalid Muftah had died in the accident. The club were travelling north to Tizi Ouzou to face JS Kabylie in a league game on Friday when the bus carrying the squad overturned near the city of Tiaret in north-west Algeria, according to local media. Algerian President Abdelmadjid Tebboune said in a statement that he received the news of the tragedy with "great pain and sorrow", offering his condolences to the families of the victims. The club said on social media that other injured members of the team were in a stable condition. "Following the tragic accident which left the club and family of MC El Bayadh in mourning, the Algerian Football Federation has decided to suspend all football events planned this weekend," a statement on the Faf website said. Faf has also delayed the draw for the next two rounds of the Algerian Cup, which was scheduled to be held on 26 December. El Bayadh are sixth in Algeria's Ligue 1 table with 15 points from 10 games, 12 adrift of runaway leaders MC Alger. Bouziani had made two league appearances this season. Read the full article
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26/10/2023 - 1st lecture
**written in the present tense, despite today being 03/10/23! I'm catching up on what I did at uni last week...hopefully I haven't missed any details out, seeing as I'll need some of these notes for my process pdf...**
First day back in uni and we're driving straight into Unit 5, which is the first unit of second year graphic design. Only today's schedule's been cut short due to the strikes (UCU industrial action). We had our first lecture of the year and our tutor's basically used it to discuss what the unit brief is about in depth. After he'd explained it, we were free to go home. Of course we were all like 'uhh, is that it???', considering we were meant to be in until 5pm (10am to 5pm, mind you). But the afternoon sessions were cancelled.
Anyways because of the strikes, this week's schedule's been moved around and so now we're doing something a bit different. Instead of going into our studio groups and starting our first workshop this afternoon as intended, we were given our research task. We basically have to analyse a text that's been assigned to our names and answer four simple questions. Which are:
In your own words, describe what your text is about.
Is this text about systems? What sort of systems does it describe?
Can you identify any systems within the presentation of the text? Is the text structured according to a particular system?
How do you think your text relates to graphic design?
Our tutor said that we should quite literally write our opinions in our own words. And that the work is due in on this Friday. Knowing what I was like last year when it came to doing work, I thought I'd go to the library and crack on with the research task, just so I'd have it out of the way. I know my time management is absolutely horrendous and despite having tried many times to stick to shorter, more manageable personal deadlines, I still procrastinate like mad. So I know I have to be - no, need to be on my best behaviour this year as I did have to resubmit work to pass first year and get into second year…Won't be having a repeat of that this year, I hope (fingers crossed)…Well to be fair, I had a lot going on and so my extenuating circumstances were valid but still. I'd like to not go through that again.
Anyways, I digress. I get to the library and I'm already feeling restless. I don't know what it is but sometimes, I cannot sit still in quiet public places like the library at our uni. I start to feel the horrible buzzing sensation underneath my skin and I just want to scratch it away. And I actually end up doing that - just itching my nose, head, leg or whatever part of my body decides to suddenly feel itchy. Or sometimes, I actually physically can't sit still - suddenly the chair feels too hard to sit on, so I'm faffing about on the seat, trying to find the right spot of the chair to comfortably sit on. I don't know why but it feels like I need to pace when I'm working in a public space…I honestly don't know how to describe it, it's such strange behaviour, I know.
So concentrating on my assigned text was a lot harder than I expected. Of course, that was also because I hadn't slept well the night before - one thing about me is that I never sleep well for school or work and that's mainly because of my horrible fear of arriving super late to either spaces (especially to work). There's deep-seated trauma there for sure, but I won't be going into that right now.
Anyways, I digress (again). I can't focus on getting this research task done and what's worse is the text I'm reading is over 25 A4 pages (according to the MacBook I'm currently borrowing from uni). And it's from 1974 written by a man named Harold Cohen, a pioneer of early computer art (oversimplifying it here). And!!! He's written it all academic like, which means I can't understand shit. No matter how many times I've tried to reread it, I cannot get past the first 10 paragraphs (and I'm being very generous here). My eyes keep blurring out the paragraphs, even though I'm not squinting. I'm just staring at the huge blocks of text that seemed to go on and on and on about his experiments with AARON, a computer system he's created and use to create artwork with. He's even bought up mathematical concepts and I knew there and then that I had to go home and call it a day. I only lasted about an hour in the library before I left - at least I didn't have to deal with the rush, since I left way before the school kids and workers got on the tube/bus.
The text will be analysed in time before Friday's session…Just not sure how much detail I'm gonna put in, seeing as I literally don't understand what Harold's going on about (sorry Harold :-/).
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Hey there, thanks for caring about others but the sick cat post by queueinglovee is a scam.
The pet scammer is very frequent on tumblr. They make a new blog, put a few posts on it to seem legit, spam asks to people requesting donations, and then remake when they inevitably get deleted. Remember to try to scroll down o the bottom of a person’s blog, and turn on post timestamps in settings. In this case the person’s blog was created Sept. 26 and their donation post was made within only 30 minutes of the earliest post on their blog.
Also, never trust a fundraiser that requests PayPal payments through “Friends and Family”. There are other ways to receive donations on PayPal but they request this because payments sent through Friends and Family are not protected against fraud and can’t be refunded. Never send FaF payments to people you don’t know and trust, because you can’t get it back.
More info on scams like these can be found on Kyra45’s blog or if you just look up tumblr pet scams. If you delete the post, you could also report op for spam or phishing
Thanks so much for the info, good to know
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