#facts about Asuka

[miutonium]

Btw this is the only appropriate way to start a conversation with me from now on 👍

[aberooski]

headcanon that came out of nowhere ; i think atticus is a Weird Cuddler. not in the sense that he’s weird about the touching but that he always always ALWAYS has to hear someone’s heartbeat when they’re laying together.

it started with alexis when they were kids, because he was always told that a big brother needs to be there for his little sister. so he was always there to watch her in the night when she would cry or have a nightmare, and he’d always know when she was panicking or not because of her heart rate. and all he would think in the darkness would be “you have to protect it. you have to keep her heart beating this strong.”

it was horrible when he was possessed. there was nobody’s heartbeat but his own to listen to. ‘his’ own.

when he’s finally back at school, he lays in the dark after a nightmare. he can’t get up, that feeling of a choking presence chaining him down into the bed. but into the sheets he taps, that familiar ba-dump, ba-dump of alexis’ heart.

No because I completely agree and I think this is entirely in line with his character.

I was just watching episode 173 the other day just kinda because I felt like it and I was I suppose you could say, studying, as I am constantly analyzing him, Chazz, and Alexis. And I came across a certain moment that confirmed that I write Atticus extremely accurately, but is also and more importantly, is incredibly telling about him as a character and a person.

So after everyone is lost to Darkness and Atticus is the only one left on the island stripped of his memories of anyone and everyone, he breaks down and says this:

Atticus, in his mind and in his heart, exists entirely for the sake of others. His purpose is to be there to guide and protect and care for others and to be needed. Every single thing we ever see him do is in the interest of someone else. Usually Chazz or Alexis, but a few others as well throughout the show. He never does anything for himself, or thinks about himself first. I agree, while he was alone in Darkness while he was possessed, he couldn’t be comforted by his own heart beat. If anything, it would only make things worse because he can't stand being alone and not having anyone to care for and protect. He yearns for connection with people, especially the people he cares for the most, and being cut off from them for so long would be destructive to him.

And to the point of him being a snuggler cuddler, I also agree! I think Atticus is a very tactile, tangible person. Both by way of physical touch, and having tangible representations of concepts and ideas for him to hold onto. Like a heartbeat.

And Alexis, being the most important person in his life, the one he's always held the most dear, would be one tangible representation of safety and comfort. And when he's in darkness, cut off from her and his friends, he can't hear or feel anyone's heartbeat. There's no comfort for him, no way to know if the ones he cares for are alright or if they need him, not that he could go to them anyway during that time. He would just feel alone and useless, like he'd failed somehow, even though what happened to him wasn't his fault and he never asked to be dragged into the shadows. He accepted the power of Darkness as a last resort so that he could survive and make it back home to his family and friends. But when he finally does come back, let's have a look at this shot from episode 30, shall we?

Now I may be stretching a little, but hear me out. I think when he comes back, one of the first things he can feel is her heartbeat. Now, normally he might not be able to because she's a girl so not to be crass, but I'm also a girl so I can say it, her boobs are in the way. But she just got her brother back after a year and thinking she'd maybe really lost him for good and they just went through a whole shadow duel, and she's sobbing. This girl's heart has to be POUNDING, so I think for him it's a feint feeling but it's there even while he's unconscious. And she's distressed despite the fact that it's good distress, sure, but the fact is that after so long spent being alone and cut off from any semblance of feeling or comfort and being unable to fulfill his need to care for and protect his loved ones, like his sister, feeling her heartbeat again would tell him that he's free. That he's safe, that she's safe. I think it would solodifty heartbeats as a source of strength and comfort to him. So I can absolutely buy that when he's being crushed under the weight of the dark and his fear and can't breathe and his own heart is racing, he could find it within himself to tap or somehow create the rhythm of his sister's calm, steady heartbeat to remind him that he's safe and that everything's okay. Or even if it's not, that it will be.

Not to mention the fact that he's a musician, and I think in that way was well, the steady rhythm of a heart would be very comforting for him and something very tangible he can hold onto in the essence of the concept because it's something he can wholeheartedly understand.

[solradguy]

Imagine the memes that came out of the post-Dawn of Revival world in Guilty Gear. Like, hundreds of millions of people died. The lore never really touches on the insane amount of people that died, but I just know the memes because of it were out of this world

From the in-game encyclopedia:

Apparently covering the North and South America continents, the population is of approximately 100 million individuals as of 2187.

This is 188 years after the Dawn of Revival, right? Only ~100,000,000 people in both North and South America.

Populationpyramid.net says the population of North America in 1999 was 309,704,740 and South America with 344,665,654, or 654,370,394 combined.

A significant number people just in the Americas died during the Dawn of Revival, especially considering the small numbers 188 years later. Who even knows how many more died during the Crusades.

Those dark humor memes would put Tumblr's 9/11 jokes to shame.

[frosty-tian]

Warm-up doodle that also served as stress-relief.

Redraw of this (apparently drawn on 12/09/2020), then gave up on it.

[of-nyon]

Hello I get like . . . one good tagger in a YEAR but your tags on my GX posts genuinely made my day you are genuinely the Only One who gets it

-@judai-judaii

thank you! i will die on the hill that Manjoume is Peak Yugioh.

[everyasukaren]

068

[shinybulbasaur]

man. I have got to rewatch nge

[bonni]

people who ship asuka and rei don't ship them because they actually believe that the narrative is inviting a romantic reading of them or that they have any real chemistry within the show, it's about exploring the fact that the two of them are foils who are continually pitted against each other in every possible way. it's about the fact that they actively hate each other because in the other person they see the parts of themselves they resent the most. it's about considering the ways in which their relationship could be different if they didn't find themselves in the situation they're in, if they had had the space to be normal teenagers. it's about unpacking each of their relationships to their sexuality: it's about reading asuka as a queer girl who lashes out at other girls and instead pursues an adult man and a boy she hates as a way to repress her sexuality because she hates everything about who she truly is, and it's about reading rei as a girl who has never even had the opportunity to know what true reciprocal love and attraction feel like because she's been groomed her entire life and feels a disconnect from her physical body in a way that is very familiar to survivors of sexual abuse, especially queer ones.

people who ship misato and ritsuko ship them because they have clearly had actual sex in canon.

[xnoel]

the fact that one of my fave m/f ships of the whole year didn't even get together at the end...

[bluee-birb]

another good gender: beast mode EVA-02 from the rebuild series

on GOD

another reason why i’m like “i watch evangelion for the plot” and the plot is just the EVAs themselves 😭

[applestorms]

adding to this with some additional thoughts (after watching the first remake movie & just reflecting more in general):

initially i found it a bit strange that rei associates shinji with gendo so heavily, thus putting him into the symbolic role of Father (while she herself is also forced into the symbolic role of Mother on the flipside by shinji himself), but i think i kinda figured it out now: BASICALLY, i think you can you can synthesize shinji's "save the world" role with all of the weird sex stuff in the show by taking a look at what the expectation is for his role in all of this- shinji is expected to help with the continuance of the human race, which means saving it by getting in the fucking robot & fighting and. having sex with a bunch of women for the sake of "re-population!" this gives more context to the mother shit at least, so it's not just that shinji has weird mommy issues but also that a part of the expectations being forced upon him is heterosexual reproduction.

this is maybe a part of the generational trauma idea too, at least thematically- a natural conclusion that i think a lot of people come to when faced with the fact that their parents are totally fucked is that they themselves can never have children. due to the apocalyptic setting of evangelion, however, the normal hetero gender roles & expectation of MARRY BE MAINSTREAM HAVE A KID AND BE ACCEPTED is amplified even more, & paired in particular w/ shinji's learned helplessness... i mean i already explained that "consent" is kind of meaningless in this scenario for shinji, it's not too surprising that relates back to consent in a sexual context too.

this also also contextualizes a lot of the shit related to babies- i mentioned that there is an emphasis on human biological development both within the uterus and in puberty and this explains the connection. there's a lot you could probably expand on here w/ regards to the "trauma of being born," itself, not to mention the implied SA side of things. (won't go into detail there, but- yeah. this is also another potential route for connections to utena if you wanna go more overtly into the topic of toxic relationships of all flavors & types.)

also, expanding on the queer shit section by relating this back to my usual topic of meta analysis- evangelion and homestuck actually do have a lot of parallels in how gay relationships are utilized within the context of an "end of the world" setting & thematic existential questions to show the deeper meaning of human connection past basic evolutionary biology and/or psychology. neat!

i really do wanna talk more about the beauvoir thing. i mentioned this in an old response i had to another meta post, but a lot of what this comes down to can be summarized in one quote from the ethics of ambiguity: “If I cry over him, he is no longer a stranger to me. It’s my tears that decide." the major counterpoint that beauvoir had to sartre & his idea of the hellishness that comes from the inability to control (or even really understand) how others see you, as well as to the individualism of previous existentialist philosophers like nietzsche & kierkegaard, was to point out the meaning that we can create by choosing to continue to maintain relationships even in the face of absurdity. again, see the previous point w/ the whole topic of realistic characters trapped in this extreme, absurd world tackling existential questions.

fuck edit to add this part too: additionally on the topic of generational trauma, i think it's notable that supposedly every single kid in shinji's class was picked out because (iirc) they were potential pilots for the evas, meaning that all of them likely have some kind of parental trauma relating to the loss of a mother if the mothers-as-evas idea is really a thing. yeah

also, w/ generation trauma: this is still a rough idea, but both shinji & gendo seem to have a kind of twin oedipus complex- this is why shinji so heavily associates all the women around him w/ mothers and simultaneously has weird sex stuff associated w/ them (explains the scene of misato/asuka/rei all rising up half naked near the end and talking to him gently) while also fearing his father. notably though gendo seems to have some of the same issues in how he associates rei w/ yui (or even just his access to yui- note though the shoving his hand into her boob thing) and similarly fears shinji in return (again shinji being associated w/ gendo and thus the role of the father through rei's eyes).

also, dunno if i ever clarified this but even if so to state it more clearly: w/ the agency thing, a key factor is that every time shinji tries to leave, the harder he pushes to get out, the more extreme the circumstances that drag him back are. so it starts that he just walks away and then easily comes back once he's done (i think the first remake movie actually portrays this even more clearly than the original series since he literally just turns around like "alright i'm done," and gets taken back), but then later when he actively pushes back it basically takes gendo himself (and kaji as another father figure, iirc) and everyone failing horrifically for him to figure out some bullshit to justify on his own terms coming back ("i'm the pilot.").

i would also add that while this ramp up in the tension may to some degree be just a natural part of the series' progression (yeah shit is going to get more dire as things go on), it's notable that this progression is specifically tied to shinji's agency. so not only does he get pulled back more harshly the more he pushes back, he kind of gains more control over the situation in general, deciding when he leaves and, to some degree, gaining more control over when he can come back with a higher standard of what is necessary to convince him.

edit (much later): on the topic of generational trauma, i think it's also significant that this trauma is in direct conflict with the worldview of seele, in a way acting as fucked up proof of the connections humans ARE able to form (contrasting all the sartrean shit about people not being able to make true connections).

EVANGELION.

context: i just (as in, within an hour of beginning this post) finished watching evangelion, including both the tv series & the end of evangelion the movie. i have not read the manga, or watched any of the remake (?) movies yet (though i plan to shortly). my brain is thus running at like mach 10 rn trying to keep all of these thoughts in order, so to preserve these initial reflections while they're still fresh, here is the evangelion post. no worries if you're following me for other stuff, we'll be back to regular programming soon enough, but i can't let this shit stew on my own for much longer.

SUMMARY: 7 sections, on agency, sartre, shounen expectations, freud & generational trauma, queer shit, hope, & anime budgets. obvious spoiler warning.

1. agency (does shinji actually have any choices?)

this idea is one of the first to stand out to me while watching, and was also the most personally satisfying to watch develop since it only gained relevancy throughout the series + held major significance in EoE.

essentially: every single time that shinji has a "darkest hour" moment throughout the series, typically revolving around him not wanting to fight/kill/destroy/etc. while piloting the eva, someone around him will tell him that it is his decision whether or not he wants to continue fighting. most often this person is misato, though there is also an instance of kaji doing it in the later part of the show. significantly, while this "choice" is always framed as a decision that shinji himself is allowed to make, to join their forces and fight or not, it is very clearly not actually a decision at all- even ignoring the obvious...emotional stress of telling a 14 year old that he can either get back in the goddamn robot no matter how traumatizing it is to him and fight or single-handedly cause the extinction of humanity, shinji can never truly leave nerv and this only becomes more apparent the more time that passes.

that's all quite obvious in my mind, but what's notable here is the progression, both in terms of how the decision itself is presented to him, and how the continual fake-out of giving shinji any actual agency carves at his psyche.

in terms of the first, it is very clear, above all else, that shinji absolutely does not want to fight in the fuckign robot, which is demonstrated through the fact that every single time he is given the "choice" to leave, he takes it and runs away, no matter how dire the situation is. shinji does not want to be a shounen protagonist, dammit, but time and time again he is dragged back into the same position and, most importantly, taught that his choices mean nothing. from the first few episodes where he runs away from home, to EoE where misato drags him through a parking lot and throws him into an elevator while telling him to fight, time and time again shinji's agency is violently taken away from him in the name of the continuation? transformation? of humanity, and i think that from his complete lack of desire to do literally anything in EoE we can tell he is aware of this.

what's really significant about all of this, then, is the way that this message influences the few instances where shinji actually does have some semblance of agency. in particular, i'm thinking about the gay angel (THE GAY ANGEL) and the ending of EoE.

so, first: the gay angel. kaworu. i say "semblance of agency," since shinji is kind of just given the same decision here as everywhere else, but this one is presented pretty & executed (ouch) pretty differently so i wanna talk about it.

kaworu is a very different character from everyone else in the cast for the primary reason that he is not particularly caught up in his own bullshit. he shows up at a time when shinji basically has no one (the trust "darkest hour" of the whole series, really) and is notable in that he openly and easily gives him love and time when no one else is really able to. this could in part be attributed to his status as an angel, but i think it goes further too- more on this in the section about generational trauma.

anyways, the decision to kill kaworu is phrased very differently from the previous "choices" offered to shinji by misato. rather than telling shinji that he has a choice in the same vague terms as before, to fight or not fight, kaworu kinda just tells him straight up- either he can kill kaworu, the one person who mutually loves and cared for him at a time when literally no one else was able to and thereby give humanity a chance at continuation, or he can hold off and let kaworu live but cause the destruction he has been pulled into staving off for the entire series. loneliness or annihilation- those are shinji's two choices here, and kaworu is very open about which one he prefers, citing the good that humanity has brought forward. i actually think that misato is wrong in her interpretation of this scene (lots of misato slander here whoops, i swear i love her)- kaworu isn't offering up his life here out of a lack of care for himself, but rather an overwhelming care for shinji as an individual and humanity as a collective.

from shinji's perspective though, this is basically the same agonizing moral dilemma he has been forced to "decide" for the last 16 angels, and he knows by this point what the answer is supposed to be. it's what's so truly tragic about this moment to me- even if kaworu meant this to be a genuine decision for shinji to make, accepting the consequences of his choice fully either way, shinji was never going to be able to see it that way after having the "correct" answer forced upon him again and again. he might be able to scramble for a justification in the aftermath, rationalizing it as his own (supposedly) disgusting need for validation, but he was never actually allowed to decide any other way and he knows it. even if shinji would ultimately choose in favor of the continuation of humanity & continue fighting, the decision itself is so tainted* by this point that it doesn't really matter, since no one could ever really know the truth.

*(this lack of a decision could also be attributed to an inability for anyone to truly trust shinji- see section 2 on sartre for more on this dissonance.)

there is, however, one instance where shinji truly is given an actual choice, which coincidentally also includes kaworu but also rei at the end of EoE. here the choice is a bit different though, instead being between the continuation of humanity in its collective, gelatinous blob state or broken back up into separate entities.

since humanity has already been eradicated (hey callback to kaworu's presence marking the ultimate end of humanity, he came back for more than just to comfort shinji & be a thematic parallel to denote his "true" choices), i think shinji is able to view this decision much more clearly and thus seems a lot more satisfied with his ultimate choice. there's a lot of nuances to this of course, as evidenced by the ending with asuka, but past that i think the fact that both the tv series & EoE end with shinji coming to some sort of satisfied (if mostly theoretical) conclusion that seems to leave him with a marginally happier emotional state is pretty meaningful, especially considering just how little emotional development these characters go through in general (see sections 3 & 4).

what's particularly satisfying about all this though is the fact that shinji seems to actually engage with this idea himself in one of previously mentioned conclusions. the ending of the tv show is essentially just shinji realizing that he does in fact have agency and has had it all along, even if not in the biggest/most overwhelming situations he was forced into. personally, i read this as shinji not only becoming consciously aware of his own learned helplessness, but also the fact that he has actually been making decisions for himself all along and is able to continue doing so, that he can take back his agency for himself through the conscious decision to keep making meaningful connections with others- a very beauvoirean conclusion, which is gonna become real significant real fast as we get into this next section. up next: sartre.

2. sartre (shinji/asuka/rei as no exit, ft. good place parallels)

no exit is a 1944 existentialist play written by the french philosopher jean-paul sartre. in it, three people (two women, & one man, by the names of estelle, inez, and garcin) are sent to hell and locked in a room together, destined to torture one another for the rest of eternity. the most well known line from it is likely "Hell is other people," a conclusion the character garcin comes to near the end of the play as the group realizes the truth of their circumstances.

there are some obvious connections here- the three main characters from no exit pretty easily map onto the three main pilots (estelle -> asuka, garcin -> shinji, and more lightly inez -> rei). the cycle of torture even follows as well, with a possible interpretation of the pilots' dynamic being that asuka tortures shinji (see section 5; tldr it's all the degradation), rei tortures asuka (her silence heightening asuka's insecurities), and shinji tortures rei (less obvious, but hinted at through things like rei's emotional attachment to shinji which seems to at least scare her for how strange it is).

past that though, the sartrean elements of this story become super fucking clear in the last few episodes, coming down to two big ideas that shinji frets over: freedom as a curse, and hell as other people.

the "condemnation of freedom," idea is kind of tied up with the whole shinji agency thing discussed in section 1, and since i don't think i can elaborate on it much more here without doing a whole deep dive on the philosophy, i'll just focus on the second idea, especially since it's one of the emotional cores that the story revolves around.

the idea that "hell is other people," as stated by garcin in the original play really comes down to one main factor and that is the dissonance between how we view ourselves & how other people view us. in the show, this is presented through the hedgehog allegory (also related to western philosophy but i know sartre better so i'm gonna keep talking about him here) and the idea that in the process of getting closer to one another we also hurt each other more, but i think the sartrean idea lends a bit more light onto the whole conflict of perspectives thing that the hedgehog idea along misses out on.

it's pretty clear imo that shinji has some kind of social anxiety, or at the very least is dealing with a lot of the normal anxiety that comes with growing up and beginning to desire validation (from your peers, from your guardians, etc.). the entire point of EoE as a film and seemingly the very basis for the concept of AT fields is the idea that humanity is separate, with individual humans never being able to truly connect with one another. ignoring the more esoteric & absurd ways this is portrayed in-movie, this idea is pretty easy to get on board with- relationships change over time, people fight and become close and fall apart, and that is largely just a natural fact of life. again, the inability to accept this fact is going to be examined more in section 4, but i think shinji is key in connecting the hedgehog thing to sartre.

near the end of EoE, when everyone is getting exploded into orange goop and melted into the human soup, it is notable that the way everyone gets incorporated is by a rei transforming into the person that they seem to have wanted to connect with the most (shinji's dad with his mom, but also maya w/ akagi and hyuga w/ misato), again tying back to that theme of desiring a more "true"/deeper connection between people. at the end of the tv series, however, this is slightly different due to the look we get into shinji's mind. specifically, shinji doesn't just desire a relationship (platonic, romantic, and/or sexual) or validation from other people, but is caught up in the way that he is perceived by others. the separation between people is thus torturous to him not in how it means he can't truly connect with other people, but in how he can't control the ways that other people view or understand or react to him.

i think this is a part of why shinji seems to have a much easier time with his end decision in EoE- despite all the underlying freudian psychosexual development shit that permeates through some of the weirder parts of NGE, shinji seems to me to care a lot more about how other people view him than the specific types of connections he is able to make, e.g. he still considers his relationship with asuka to be a key point of meaning in his life, despite how turbulent/messy it is. for a kid who struggled with social interactions a lot growing up, any deeper connection is pretty meaningful to him by this point, and it shows. this also could be attributed to being a part of the greater influence of kaworu, as the fact that he cared so deeply and so meaningfully about shinji (and the opposite as well) may have been proof to him that any "deeper" connections aren't really necessary or worthwhile, even before he got mixed up into the people soup.*

*ALSO: didn't think about this until later, but there's also the whole process of connecting with the evas that the pilots have to go through to think about here.

**ALSO 2: if you didn't already know, the good place is also very overtly based on no exit. this means there's actually a kinda random parallel between tgp & evangelion in that they both happen to add a fourth individual through the introduction of a fourth dude (jason & kaworu respectively) that mixes shit up even more. neat.

so, speaking of the various endings:

3. the ending does make some sense, actually (dropping shounen expectations)

one of the things that i was most impressed by while watching evangelion, especially around the mid-point of the tv series around the time that asuka is introduced, is the fact that they were able to make what would otherwise be pretty standard anime fan service a genuinely meaningful part of the story's underlying themes, in particular those related to the freud shit (getting there soon, i promise) but also just the general connections to biology and humanity and development.

i don't think evangelion should be watched or understood like a traditional shounen show, and in fact it kind of goes against the underlying emotional core of story to try and force that kind of reading onto it. like, okay, take shinji for example- like i said a couple sections back, one of shinji's key character traits is the fact that he doesn't want to be a fucking shounen protagonist and hates being forced into that position, but keeps getting dragged back to nerv and EVA 01 anyway.

i think it's notable that the few moments where shinji has what might be considered a "traditional" epic shounen hero moment could very easily be read as not even being shinji's own actions in the first place, but the eva itself due to them 1. not showing shinji's face during the moment, just his fear before and trauma after, and 2. being motivated by shinji's extreme fear, giving more of the vibe of a mother protecting her child than shinji making progress on his own.

none of the main cast really seem to go through any super significant character development throughout the entirety of both the show and movie, actually- the closest we get is whatever the hell rei was doing and the breakthroughs in thought that shinji has at the very very end of either production, but that's about it.

what i think makes this important is the fact that it points towards what the actual emotional core that the show centers around. what sets evangelion apart from other shounen shows, imo, is the fact that it takes a hard look at the apocalyptic world that it created and really takes the time to reflect on how that kind of trauma would actually influence its characters. i haven't seen a ton of in-depth negative reviews of the ending of NGE, but i'm guessing that a major factor in the potential frustration with the ending is the fact that it drops a lot of the overt plot elements in favor of more a more abstract look into shinji's mind. but i think that look is entirely the point of the ending- it was never really about the robots, or at least not by the end of the series, so the ending focuses on the emotional payoff of at least one character instead to find the barest glimmer of hope leftover.

this is part of why i find kaworu to be such a significant character- one of the key conclusions that shinji seems to come to at the end of the tv series is the idea that "you have to love yourself in order to love other people," but i actually don't know if that's entirely true or even demonstrated in the series. kaworu is the first person to really demonstrate to shinji that he is capable of loving and being loved, and despite the tragedy of that relationship, i think it was a core part of shinji's eventual first step towards self-acceptance.

4. freud & generational trauma (everyone is ultimately just an abused child)

ok fuck it, i've been talking about this for ages, let's just fucking get to it already.

i'm nowhere near an expert on freud, really i only have a pretty baseline understanding (thanks to a high school ap psych class) of the psychosexual stages of development thing that the show references a lot in the later parts (the oral fixation thing w/ misato, etc.), so rather than looking into the details of that, i think the big thing here for me is how the use of freud influences the ideas that the show focuses on. namely, as we see through the last few episodes of the tv series: everyone is just a sad, traumatized, abused kid.

i also think that what the inclusion of all the freud shit ultimately does for this series is give it a big emphasis on biological human development and family relations, which feels especially significant in how it can tie into a more subtle, but imo still very important idea: generational trauma, told through the story of the end of the world.

what i like about this idea is that it's really where the story begins, chronologically in the timeline and in episode 1 with shinji & gendo. the idea then evolves and expands the more parent/child relationships we learn about, from misato and her father to asuka, akagi, and, at least in part, rei.

similar to how the series utilizes its religious themes & imagery to get back to the origins/sources of humanity (namely adam & lilith), i like to think of the second impact as the source of this initial trauma. because of the second impact, we are basically guaranteed that every single adult present in the series has dealt with some degree of trauma, though in many cases this expands to other things as well (e.g. gendo struggling with social connections & misato's tricky relationship with her father, both of which are established pre-impact).

what's really big though is how this initial trauma influences the next generation of kids, especially the main trio of eva pilots (& their respective mother-related machinery) but really all of their classmates as well. toji, to some degree kensuke, really every kid born after or around the time of the second impact seems to similarly deal with the echoes of this initial trauma. if you want to, you could maybe even relate back to the very first impact of the lilith egg as a source as well, each new impact being an echo of the previous through the continuation of generational traumas.

TLDR: the freud shit doesn't have to just be freud shit, the fucked up family relations can be read through the lens of generational trauma as well.

5. queer shit (THE GAY ANGEL)

when i say queer shit here i'm really talking about gender roles, which is ESPECIALLY important when talking about shinji's two main crushes: kaworu and asuka (sticking with those two for now since they're the most overt, but they're not necessarily the only ones you can read into btw).

the big thing here is that imo the main factor that makes shinji's relationship with asuka (in particular, but really all of the women in the show) so difficult is the weight that heterosexual relationships have. again, much of evangelion's imagery is heavily focused on biology, specifically in terms of development both as a baby is developed & in puberty, and i think that weight is felt in the awkward relationships shinji has with all the girls he's suddenly been surrounded by.

this is in part why i think it was so much easier for shinji to get on board with kaworu, and why the relationship itself was so meaningful to him- because there's no threat of MARRY A WOMAN BONE HAVE A CHILD REPRODUCE CONTINUE THE HUMAN RACE (the last one in particular being especially relevant in the post-apocalyptic hellscape they're all trapped in), shinji is able to focus entirely on the personal emotional aspects of the relationship and the ability to find meaning through human connection, which again is a very beauvoirean idea.*

*i think i kinda skipped over this in the sartre section but beauvoir was a contemporary of sartre that influenced a lot of his philosophy especially later on so the fact that shinji's end conclusion seems so reminiscent of beauvoir is very satisfying.

this is not to say that shinji's relationship with asuka or any of the women around him wasn't meaningful or revolving around genuine feelings on his part, just that the weight of social expectations particularly in the context of male/female gender roles is a constant factor at the back of his mind when trying to navigate all these new social situations.

this is also not just an issue that shinji deals with- asuka herself is constantly the one to call shinji out for not being enough of a real man, which shinji actually rarely mentions all that directly, only caring when asuka herself mentions it, and i personally read her struggles with sexuality and desire to be seen as an adult as a part of her deeper issues with the woman gender role. misato kind of deals with the same thing actually, and even akagi in how they all have such tricky relationships with their own sexuality and the men around them. again, i think the whole dissonance between differing perceptions idea is relevant here, especially when considering the ways that women deal with objectification, both in terms of how others view them and how they're taught to present themselves.

6. no development but lasting hope? (making sense of EoE)

i kind of already talked about this, but expanding on the idea that everyone is ultimately still just an abused kid looking for solutions to the problems they were raised to have, i think it's significant within the imagery of the show that the world post-second impact is eternally spring/summer, meaning that even the environment the characters are trapped in itself is unable to develop or grow, stuck in the same cycle of infancy & puberty with no real adulthood. the constant threat of the angels and/or third impact also adds to this, with characters rushing to get married and form relationships (as misato & akagi talk about in one episode) but never getting the chance to properly grow old before they die.

this implies however that the existence of an autumn/winter is potentially in the future, that growth can come eventually and hope is still present. i'm not entirely sure yet what to make of the ending of EoE- i actually really like how the tone shifts so drastically immediately following such an emotionally heavy, complicated sequence, but i also don't think it's entirely without hope. it's the same old as before, maybe a relapse, maybe a reaction the traumas that initially happened, but. i mean she doesn't actually die??? my big conclusion is still a work in progress i suppose.

7. bonus: this isn't low budget it's goddamn beautiful, watch utena

i've been writing this "short reflection" for like two days straight already, this section is basically just the title. watch utena for more fucked up shit with an actually low budget. frankly this video explains the low budget thing better and has a better justification so i'll just direct you there. (yes this connection is about the therapy elevators.)

[theirisianprincess]

Something that really annoys me is that whenever there's an ambiguous depiction of queerness in fiction is that whenever an alternative explanation is given, certain people will assume the alternative to be true despite queerness being just as likely. These explanations aren't even necessarily wrong, it's just that people will run with those if it means not acknowledging that characters might be gay.

Like, for example, they never outright say that Marcille loves Falin, but a lot of people (myself included) believe this to be the case. But the fact that an alternative explanation for their closeness is provided is often used as a reason why it couldn't possibly be romantic. The alternative explanation in this case is that learning that her best friend got eaten forces her to confront her fear of outliving her friends. And that motivates her to try to save her. The problem with this is that it doesn't actually disprove the idea that Marcille loves Falin. Marcille loving Falin is just more motivation for Marcille. And sure, Marcille could be just as motivated if she thought of Falin as her platonic bestie, but why do people use the possibility of that as a reason to discount romance as a possible motivation for her?

Anime fans did the exact same thing with Madoka Magica. They cite Homura's solitude as the reason for her obsession with saving Madoka. But once again, that doesn't contradict romantic attraction. And when it gets confirmed that Homura loves Madoka (and that Sayaka and Kyoko love each other) in Rebellion, people just claimed "fan pandering" and "translation error".

And when an alternative explanation isn't provided, some anime fans will provide one for them. Like, in Watamote, Asuka constantly tries to get closer and closer with Tomoko. Some people suspect that this means she has romantic interest in Tomoko, but others choose to interpret her interest as curiosity and intrigue. Except curiosity doesn't explain the lap pillows or the nude FaceTime or offering her boobs to her or wanting to go to the same college or saying she spends most of her time thinking about Tomoko.

Would this problem be fixed if characters just said they were queer? No.

Dungeon Meshi is complete, so they won't confirm or deny Marcille's feelings. And Homura, Sayaka, and Kyoko had all been confirmed queer, but people still denied it. And Asuka has good reasons not to admit her feelings for Tomoko. Most notably, the world of Watamote is incredibly heteronormative, so people generally won't admit to being queer. And despite Tomoko being in a glass closet, she still doesn't even admit her bisexuality to herself, so it makes sense for Asuka to hold off on telling her anything. I would like Asuka to admit her feelings by the end, but as we are right now, it's better that she doesn't.

Insisting that we must always immediately confirm queerness and that it can never be ambiguous because some people will run with any chance to deny it will greatly limit the kinds of stories that can be told.

[lunaxstrange]

Can we talk about love in orv?

[SPOILERS]

Okay so, I am aware that Kdj loves the "story" but I really wanna point some things out individually because it's 2am and ORV is on my mind.

Kdj had the easiest way out of the 1863rd turn. The most perfect turn (at the time) but he really went I'd let the world burn for Yjh? Yeah, everything is "part of his plan" but let's talk about the 73rd Demon King arc. My man would do anything to make sure Yjh finishes his story. Apart from this, it's the fact that while everyone else dislike any other version of Yjh (even he hates himself lol), Kdj loves every. single. one. I mean 3rd turn (1864th) Yjh? Yes. Hsy's 1863rd turn? Yes. Frickin' Secretive Plotter? Got off to a rough start but yes. You simply cannot make Kdj hate his beloved protagonist. I mean, this man risked his whole existence to make sure the 0th turn is actually the most perfect one. He didn't want Yjh to regress but became his sponsor anyway because it's what Yjh wanted. He would do anything to see Yjh happy. This type of love isn't romantic or platonic or anything else, it's the most inexplicable form of love. Love in its purest form. I'd like to take the time to compare it to Achilles and Patroclus because while we can fight over whether these two were gay or not, we cannot deny the sheer love they had for each other. No strings attached. Kdj is in awe of Yjh.

Yjh. The regressor. The protagonist. The person Kdj loves the most. Yjh had everything (0th turn) but he really gave it all up just to meet Kdj. Suffered the "Hell of eternity" just to see him. Bro didn't even love Lsw the way he loves Kdj. Tbf, 0th turn Yjh didn't know what the real struggle of passing the scenarios without help was but I'm sure he got the gist. Okay, sure, you can call it "curiosity" that led to Yjh keeping Kdj alive during the 3rd (1864th) turn. But my guy didn't choose Kdj to go to Peace Land because he had "someone he loved" like bro, YJH!? THE COLD REGRESSOR??? HE DID THAT FOR KIM DOKJA! Not to mention the fact that Yjh didn't even care that his whole life was a mere novel. He just despised the fact that Kdj chose the 1863rd turn over him. I'm gonna cry. Bro wanted Kdj so bad that he kept fighting the Secretive Plotter. Not only this, he gave up the 3rd (1864th) turn for Kdj too. Went from Supreme King to terrorist just to save Kdj. When everyone else - even Hsy - gave up. After all, what is a protagonist without a reader? The whole astronaut ordeal might've been to "find his purpose" but we can't ignore their connection. He gave up everything he could ever ask for twice (0th and 3rd/1864th turn) for Kdj. The attachment these two have with each other is insane.

I could go on about them for eternity but we have another person to talk about - Hsy. This woman spent 10 years exhausted, stuck in a world-line and body not her own for one person. Even if it's only Hsy with half her memories, she gave up her perfect world-line because she missed Kdj. Just like Kdj loves Yjh, Hsy also loves every version of Kdj. She wanted to meet him, no matter what the world-line. My girl had only a few hours where she was in control and decided to use off all those hours to write TWSA - a story she herself disliked. Hsy wants to see Kdj happy, every part of Hsy loves Kdj. There is nothing a writer could love more than an avid reader who loves their story. And let's talk about the fact that Yjh and Hsy absolutely hate each other. He is literally her creation (more or less) but their relationship is questionable. Why? Because a protagonist has no value without a reader. Kinda like Asuka Ren and Kyrgios Rodgraim. They have no special relationship despite being creator and creation. Since there is no reader, Asuka and Kyrgios are as distant as two people can be. Alternatively, what brings Hsy and Yjh together is Kdj.

I just can't get enough of the way ORV relationships are written. If I had to describe love as a writer, I'd cite ORV as an example.

[hoseokslefteyebrow]

The Anomaly || JJK

Chapter 1: Alone

summary : In which you're isekai'd from your (own) parallel Jujutsu Kaisen universe to the canon universe.

wordcount : 2k

Pairing: Jujutsu Kaisen X Reader, eventually Character x Reader (idk who yet tho)

Masterlist | Next

You grimace as you open your eyes, slowly focusing on your surroundings. Your back is still throbbing. Your head actually feels quite peaceful. The light of the room is dim, and as your eyes focus, you notice the numerous seals lining the walls, stickered over one another. You're surrounded by candle lights. 

You've heard of this room before. You never expected to be the one in it though. 

" Ah, finally woke up from your beauty sleep? "

As you turn, you come face to face with your sensei, leaving you confused once again. He's seated on a chair, the back of the stool facing you as he's seated backwards. There's a casual grin on his face. He looks stupid. Like always. 

" Gojo sensei? " 

The last thing you remember is Inumaki not recognizing you, in fact, he even used his cursed speech on you, forcing you to sleep. Admittedly, it was one of the nicest naps you've ever had, but still. 

" Ah, Inumaki told me you were confused- he also mentioned you're Sukuna's best friend. It got us quite worried, considering you seem to know quite a bit about Inumaki. You even mentioned that he's your upperclassman. " 

You nod. You've got no idea on what to say. Yes, Ryomen is trouble. A little shit. Yet they were treating you like your best friend is some kind of horrible curse or something, worst of the worst. 

" What do you know about me? "

You blink. Is this a test? It had to be. 

" You're Gojo Satoru. You have both Six Eyes' and Limitless cursed technique. You're the first year's mentor- I'm one of your first years, actually. Uhm.... You lost someone you were close with once last year. We're close. In a respectful way. I see you like an elder cousin. " 

Gojo's eyes widen below his blindfold, completely taken by surprise. You knew of Geto? 

" How did he die? "

You tense. You hate that memory. Not to mention with how he's looking at you. He's mentioned that they used to be close. You found him at a bad moment, and helped him through it. 

" I killed him.. "

" What? "

Now it's Gojo's turn to be surprised. 

" I stopped the blood stream to his heart. I found you, just before you were about to end him. I could see it when I had arrived. You don't look at enemies the same way you looked at that man. You care for him. Jujutsu society was already asking a lot of you. I didn't want you to live with the guilt of having to kill someone you cared for. "

Gojo is eerily silent for a good moment. His six eyes aren't having issues. Your flow of cursed energy really is different. You're not from here. 

" You have a student ID right? What's your name? "

" Kamo Y/N."

You hand your student ID  to him. 

" Already a second grade student as a first year? Impressive. I take it you're from the Kamo clan? Or are you a foreigner with a similar last name as one of the three clans- You don't look like you're from around here. "

" No, I'm from the Kamo clan. My mother fell in love with a foreigner. "

" Blood Manipulation? "

" Water manipulation, actually. "

His eyebrows visibly raise beneath his brow. 

" I've never heard that before. What's that? I take it you can manipulate water, like the name intends? "

" Yes, I can. I can manipulate any body of water, and create or change the condensation of it. " 

" Including the blood in people their bodies. "

You cringe at his words. 

" Yes. "

It's not the favorite part of your technique, but it's definitely a part of it. 

Gojo sighs, sitting up straight as he contemplates on what to do. 

" Who's your mother? "

" Kamo Asuka. "

His eyebrows furrow. He's heard that name before, but he can't remember when. Your student ID is legit too. He sighs, getting up. 

" Okay. Something is definitely going on here. I've got no idea what, but don't worry, your sensei will look into it. " 

Hos previous serious expression is replaced by his easy going one again. He's grinning as he gets up from the chair, and unties you from yours. 

" Welcome back at school I guess. I'll be putting you in the girls dormitory for now. We'll introduce you to the rest of the class tomorrow. "

Soon enough, the both of you are finally leaving the room, and you're headed back to familiar grounds. 

To your surprise, he leads you to the exact dorm room you used to stay, but your eyes widen in negative surprise as you notice that it's empty. All of your belongings not there. Your polaroids aren't hanging messily over your wall, your clothes aren't messily stacked in an overfull laundry basket in the corner of the room, your books aren't under your bed, and your comfortable bedsheets which you sneaked in from home aren't on your bed. 

" You okay? "

He notices your expression. 

" Yeah, just... This is supposed to be my room. All my stuff is gone.... "

-

The night passes by, but you can't find it in yourself to fall asleep. You're just tossing and turning, and eventually, you finally get up, and make your way outside, towards the river. 

You're going to fix your back. You breathe in the cool night's air. You'd often sneak out at times like this, along with your best friend. You'd catch the bus that goes until 3 am to Shibuya, and pop by some 24/7 convenience store from time to time. 

You take out your phone, testing your luck. 

Kuna

I'm hungry

Tf you want me to do

Lets sneak off to the kitchens, I wanna bake cupcakes

No

Wait no I'm coming

I wanna spoon out the left over batter

U gotta share tho

No

You sigh as you look at the old texts. They're not that old, only from yesterday. By accident, you had woken up Nobara as well and together the three of you ended up baking cupcakes. 

It had been fun. 

You type a message. 

Hey, where are you? 

[ The number you're trying to reach is not in use. ]

Something really wasn't right, you really were somewhere you weren't supposed to be. 

You decide to just focus on the task ahead. Throwing the, currently useless, device in the grass beside you, you step into the shallow part of the river. 

Unlike most cursed techniques, you found yours pleasant to use. You didn't need to intent harm on anyone to use it. You also managed to master your reverse cursed technique. With enough water, you can heal injuries. 

You manipulate a bit of the river's water into the palm of your hands, allowing the water to encase your hand. The water is still cold, but that only makes you sigh in relief as you press your water encased hand to your back, the water lighting up as your abilities get to work. This was so much more pleasant. 

-

" Okay students,  meet your new, very awesome classmate, Kamo Y/N! "

Gojo is way to cheerful as he introduces you. 

Nonetheless, you smile politely as you slide open the door, and step inside the classroom. 

" Hi. Nice to meet you all, I hope we get along well. " 

You bow, finishing your introduction formally. 

This is not how it went when you introduced yourself back in your universe, but that was more than okay. 

A spark comes to life in Nobara's eye. 

" Another girl! This is great! Finally I'm not just stuck with these two! " Nobara cheers. 

Both men beside her grumble. 

Yuuji pouts. 

" Why, what's wrong with us? I thought you liked us. "

Megumi's mildly annoyed expression shifts soon enough, his focus now on you. 

" Kamo? "

He's always been sharp. He probably wonders why you're here when your cousin (Noritoshi) is in the Kyoto school. 

" Y/N isn't like our regular students, Megumi. She randomly popped up yesterday out of nowhere. She already knows you, but no one of us knows anything about her, thus far. " Gojo explains. 

Megumi's eyebrows furrow, as Yuuji gasps. 

" Out of nowhere? What if you're from a different universe? " 

You raise a brow. You hadn't thought about that. Had the cursed spirit you've been fighting really been strong enough to send you here? 

" Don't spout nonsense Yuuji-"

" I think it's actually a good theory. "

All four students turn surprised to their sensei. 

" Your flow of cursed energy is different. It's somewhat more peaceful, but it also feels like it doesn't belong here.- I forgot to ask you a bunch of questions yesterday actually, how did you end up here? "

He's leaning back against the desk, fingers on his chin as his expression is relatively serious. 

" I was fighting a cursed spirit. It was special grade. It popped up out of nowhere. It wasn't alone either. One went after me while the other went after Sukuna. The one that went after me was strong, and made me fall through some kind of hoop. I was supposed to fall in the river, but I ended up falling right at the entrance of the school, which is where Inumaki senpai found me. " 

Yuuji blinks, though his eyebrows furrow in confusion. 

" Sukuna? "

Yuuji can only hope you aren't referring to the very curse he hates. 

" Yeah, Itadori Sukuna. That actually reminds me, is he sleeping in late again, that he's not here? " 

All eyes blink at you in confusion. 

" Yeah, I actually forgot to ask about that yesterday as well. Is your Sukuna a student? "

Gojo seems confusingly serious about it. 

" Ah, yeah. He is. He's Yuuji's twin, actually. "

Everyone's eyes are wide open, and Yuuji's mouth actually falls open. 

" My- my twin?! " He calls out, visible distressed. 

You blink, wondering what you've said wrong. 

" Yeah? -"

" Ryomen Sukuna is the king of curses here. He's a very powerful sorcerer from the Heian era, back when the curses ruled. It took a lot to defeat him. And the sorcerers from back then couldn't even kill him. They cut up his 20 fingers and sealed them. "

You blink in surprise at Gojo's explanation. Before furrowing your eyebrows in disgust and realization. 

" 20? "

Gojo nods. 

" Our Sukuna had 4 arms. "

" Ew. "

" I can swallow his fingers. "

Now you blink at Yuuji. He blinks back at you with a bit of a dumb grin, Nobara cringes in disgust. 

" Ew. "

" Right! You get it, it's so unsanitary! "

She's definitely glad to have you. 

" But then, Sukuna's presence lives in you? " 

Yuuji nods. 

" Yeah. Don't worry though, I've got full control over him. "

This is all just very confusing for you. 

" Right. "

" Sukuna Ryomen as a student. I never imagined that- I take it his cursed technique is slicing in your.. Universe.. As well? "

Gojo seems positively interested. The possibilities of Sukuna being a student is amazing to him. 

You shake your head. 

" He doesn't have any cursed energy, actually. "

" What? "

" Yeah, he's free of it. "

Gojo's eyes widen. He only knows one person who was free from it. 

" Like-"

" Yes, like him. "

You flit your eyes over Megumi, who just seems confused. 

Gojo is only more surprised at this point.

" Okay... Well, enough of this. Let's turn back to class for now. We'll figure out how to get you back to your universe. For now, let's just focus on classes. This way, perhaps you won't fall behind. "

-

Taglist:

@luxylucylou

[masked-and-doomed]

I should have written it here why did I write it in tags ofc I was gonna yap to high heaven.

Reblogging it so I can SS and continue my yapping-

This scene from -STRIVE-'s story's epilogue has always been so nice to me

It perfectly encapsulates both Faust and Chronus with just one sentence and feels unique to the other epilogue scenes. It feels like it was written JUST for these two.

Faust was forgiven for his sins as a serial killer (likely Doctor Baldhead. I mean, the rare fish with his bag on it is literally called "Dr. Octohead", it can't get much more obvious) and brought peace to the world with his healing. The best example of this I can think of is Leo going from calling him "the unlicensed doctor" in Faust's arcade mode, to discussing strategy in the same room as him.

As for Chronus, while he hasn't had time to do too much just yet, the seeds are already planted for his redemption. The first step was Faust choosing not to kill Chronus when they met at the end of Xrd SIGN's story. On it's own, this didn't mean much, since all Faust wanted from Chronus was answers about the Japanese colony, however, by the time we reach Faust's Revelator arcade mode, things have changed. They aren't exactly "friends", but it's clear that they're now working toward the same goal: figure out what's going on in the Japanese colony. By the end of it, however, not only si Faust actively protecting Chronus from Leo, Chronus even sits down and has tea while Faust calls Haehyun!

Also, side note, but, I find it really funny that Chronus just slides across the screen when they run away from Leo, I have no idea why they didn't just speed up his walking animation.

Back to the main topic, in my opinion, it's this tiny bit of forgiveness that pushes Chronus to do more than he has to. Sure, he could just sit in the Japanese colony all day, but he doesn't, he goes out on his own to save Asuka from Absolute Defense: Felion (btw, I am 100% certain that Chronus invented that technique and no one can convince me otherwise). This action, of course, helps bring peace to the world of GG, as Asuka was VITAL to stopping the revival of Justice in Revelator.

TL;DR: Chronus for -STRIVE-, Chronus cool, line from -STRIVE- epilogue cool

[max1461]

It's gonna bug me so much when, probably in the next couple decades, Japanese Imperial Household Law changes to allow women to ascend to the throne again and the Western media breathlessly reports that ultraconservative Japan is finally getting with the times...

In actuality Japan has had 8 empress regnants (that is, empresses who actually ruled, as opposed to just being the wife of an emperor; not to be confused with "empress regent" which is something else), including one empress who succeeded another empress (Empress Genshō following Empress Genmei) in a matrilineal fashion. Obviously this isn't great as far as gender equality goes, but it's basically comparable to European monarchies—in fact it's the same number of female monarchs as England has had in roughly the same span of time, given that the pre-Asuka emperors are more or less legendary. There's actually another empress, empress regent Jingū, if you want to count legendary figures. She may or may not be the same person as Queen Himiko of early Sino-Japanese records.

It's maybe worth noting also that the Chrysanthemum Throne has been a basically ceremonial position for most of Japanese history, from the 12th century until today, with the brief exception of the Empire of Japan from 1868 to 1945. But most of Japan's empresses reigned during the Asuka and Nara periods (6th to 8th centuries), when the monarchs were actually politically in power. In fact, during the Nara period just about every other reign was that of an empress.

Anyway, male-only succession and strict patrilineality weren't enshrined in law until the Imperial House Law of 1889 during the Meiji period, as part of the Prussian-influenced Meiji constitution. Certainly both principles had been strong norms prior to this, but they weren't legally enshrined. There's not any sense in which it would be unprecedented for Japan to have an empress, certainly no less precedented than for England to have a queen.

But it's Japan, right? They're uber traditional over there *katana sound effect* *kabuki YOOO sound effect* *salaryman bowing to his stern looking boss stock footage*. So obviously they're behind the enlightened west...