#sorry I was possesed by the spectre of what once was and wrote this post

[arashi-no-saxlphone]

every time I think about Asuka for just a bit too long, it awakens within me a deep sense of doom, longing, and activates my worst neuroses. Ah, yes, othered by the world despite being lauded as a "Genius" with no real say in the matter, thinking that surely if you just play the role, take advantage of your abilities, and make yourself as small as possible you will be in control of everything. You are smart. You are able. You can use this ability to fill the gaps that your total dedication to being Smart and Able has caused. No one has to be hurt no one has to leave, I can use my Ability to figure this out. I can make Frederick immortal, I can save Aria, I can't save Aria, I can bring her back. That isn't Aria anymore. That isn't Frederick anymore. But they're here, they can be together. That's what they wanted. That's what I wanted. Everything is fire and ashes but I can fix it. Please wait, I am Smart and Able. I can fix it. Let me fix it. Who am I? It doesn't matter. It's never mattered. In fact, I can just make a better me, and fix it.

I have to go to the moon.