#experiencing new things

[inkskinned]

we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.

"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."

i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.

you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"

i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.

what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.

i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.

"don't make a big deal about this," you said.

this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.

"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.

you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."

the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.

afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."

[dirtytransmasc]

I'm just imagining Sevika charging into battle not knowing where her girls are. she hears whispers from the battlefield that Isha is dead and that Jinx is gone. taken. captured. surrendered. she doesn't want to accept either. she almost refuses. and it's in the back of her mind that she has to live so she can find her girls, and at the very least, remember them.

and she almost dies. she thinks that there might not be anyone to remember them. to find them.

and then she doesn't. she doesn't die. and one thing leads to another, and she's on the council. and....

she still doesn't know what happened to them.

and then Vi, the girl who, justifiably, hates her guts, comes back. and the look on her face all She needs to know Jinx is gone. but she can't accept it. she can't.

she demands to know what happened, in a clipped, gruff manner, not displaying much care, but her eyes are teary and her gut is churning.... and Vi just says they're gone.

and all Sevika can do is whisper "... both?"

and she doesn't wait for an answer. the face is enough. "how?".

the answer kills her.

she walks away. murmurs an apology over her shoulder.

she doesn't know what to do with the feeling in her chest. her fingers trace over the carving in her arm.

[krussyarts]

"Hey Amuro did you know that according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee-"

[cubbihue]

Question ...if fairies rely on desire to feed,would Dev be a GOOD food source or a terrible food source? Does desire come from wishing or wanting more, essentially. Because dev like.. Has all he can want except his dad's approval ,so how does that work?

Fairies' food comes from the innate emotion a person has while Wishes are just the only way Fairies can pull the emotions (food) out!!!

The more the desire is out of reach, the more delicious it is, and the longer the fairy can go without needing another meal. It's simply easier to harvest from children because they have big emotions, and weak minds and impulses. A child can say "I wish" more openly than an adult does, making it easier for Fairies to cultivate.

Dev's one of the best food sources there is. In fact, he's able to feed a family of 5 for at least 8 months! However, he's also one of the worse sources to collect from because his desire is noncollectable by magic.

Which means you'll need an expert high-class, high-ranking Fairy Godparent who can siphon out his Desires into smaller parts via multiple smaller wishes!

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[angelsdean]

did you know you can re-read fics? did you know that if you wait long enough and have a bad memory and/or have read so many other fics since then that they all blur together you can then experience the fic almost as if it's the first time all over again??? DID YOU KNOW

[demaparbat-hp]

Time lost meaning when crossing the frozen landscapes of the South Pole. Snow on ice on water. A beautiful place made of stillness and void. Endless. Barren. Dangerous. This was her land, and it threatened to swallow him whole.

Amarok guides all lost souls through her landscape. Zuko becomes one of them in For the Spirits Chapter X: Following Your Form (read here!).

She of the Way of Things is a huntress, so the Prince becomes prey, whether he knows it or not. Led to the end of the world, betrayed at a cliffhanger...what's meant to happen now?

[theotherbuckley]

incorrect tweets pt 18/?

[maikelfist]

This scene stood out to me when watching the Tommy episodes. The way Tommy stutters his reply, how intimidated he is by Gerrard (Chimney being mistreated is obviously also heartbreaking). Even before Tommy had a change of heart regarding his behavior, it's clear how uncomfortable he is around Gerrard while still seeking his approval, how he doesn't like being in the boys' club despite trying his best to be a part of it. Tommy wasn't brave enough to stand up to Gerrard for himself, but doing it for Hen likely made up for years of abuse he had to endure

[anamelessfool]

Didja know you're seeing cool art from years and years ago, amazing performance videos and GIFs and rare photos on here, beautiful fics and cosplay that needs to get revisted.....because people are actively reblogging things?

That's how this place works. Btw.

[hahahafangirl]

the failure of language

so im getting around to write some suonirei fanfic and, inevitably, got to Backstory Speculations activities. and now i begin to think about suo (windbreaker in general) and the failure of language -- when people, regardless of how much they try or how eloquent they find themselves to be, will find points where they are unable to give words to what they are feelings or explain some difficult emotions or circumstances to themselves or another person.

think, sakura going "how am i supposed to treat you now?" after hearing out umemiya's childhood story-- what is he supposed to say? to act in general? language, spoken or behavioral, failed him. umemiya redirected sakura to language: he did not expect sakura to treat him any differently. come back to the language you understand, he says. and now we complicated "language" to means "a vehicle of interactions and expression", which is functionally what language is.

well i did say that this arise from thinking about suo, most notably, thinking about how windbreaker expresses speechlessness and stillness very frequently from suo's silence. think the focus on suo's eyes at any moment where language are yet adequate to say what is happening: suo and nirei's response to sakura's solitary during sickness; suo's anger (in KEEL and shishitoren) occurring wordlessly; and, most recently (which sorta sparked this line of thought), this page

note the wordlessness. a lot of time, wbk starts out the responses to these sincere and vulnerable moments with this wordlessness, where characters ponder and reflect on the statement, often evoking their own memories and experiences, thus empathizing with the vulnerability in question. it is a reflective and thoughtful way to begin the process of empathy in silence. it feels ritualistic, even, like meditation, to begin connecting with other by a silence that could be taken to be a single-minded, pure focus -- on what is being put on the stage to ponder. maybe this is not quite a failure of language, depending on how we see it, but rather, a moment outside of language priming for its arrival. it is not time for language to enter the scene yet.

but then language always come, sooner or later. as awkwardly or curtly or roughly, sakura and nirei speak sincere words that come from the bottom of their heart. language -- thus connection and empathy -- then propel the conversation. suo, notably (at least without me combing through the manga again) often does not enter this realm of language the way sakura and nirei do it. when he empathize sakura's feelings when he was sick, suo did it where sakura cannot hear. the only(?) time he responded genuinely (please bring up examples or counterexamples if you have it on hand) was when nirei was feelings insecure about his inability to fight and ask suo for help. but even then, the response of "your self-esteem is all over the place" is not quite the personal, genuine approach sakura or nirei has. its quite measured and reflective -- responding to nirei's statements rather than clearly interjecting something to the conversation. many of suo's vulnerabilities are deflected by falsehoods (harmless jokes, not malicious lies), distractions, etc, etc. language seemingly continues to fail him, or he continues to evade it.

i am in a habit of not stating my Backstory Speculations, because a lot of times i want to stick closer to the texts. whatever Speculations i have will most likely manifest as fanfiction (oh boy is that an ambitious media to do this in). but anyway, from popular hc of suo being potentially a "traitor" or somehow entangled in a major and antagonistic organization, his failure to relate this to his friends and thus him hiding his past can be taken as another failure of language. perhaps languages continuously fail him in his childhood-- hence it has yet to learn how to succeed.

p/s: i should also say that im enjoying using different concepts and ideas to speculate/think about and analyze the text (wbk) in a different way. this is basically what comparative literature and literary criticism is, i think (lol). sometimes i feel like this is just me dressing up good ole literary theme in a fancier language, but whatever works works lol. hopefully as i continue to think of the "inability to express your true emotions" and "inability to be vulnerable" more specifically (or broadly) as a failure of language, more interesting insights will come up. its less about what the texts is literally and consciously say, and more about how we can think about the text using -- and extract from the text via -- various frameworks.

yep, this is probably gonna be a more complete essay at some point. i even pulled out the usual rccl register for this!

[duffslut]

[captainswan618]

Doctor Who The Dalek Invasion of Earth: Flashpoint (1964) // Journey's End (2008)

[bisexualchaosdemon]

Just thinking that Jean probably hasn't seen a lot of things. He spent his whole childhood on a tight leash in Marseille, and then he spent five years in the Nest. Has he ever seen a waterfall? A forest? A farm???

[mango-dot-yum]

Relating to a character while simultaneously being nothing like the character is something that doesn’t matter but brings me genuine mental anguish(over exaggeration but still)

Every time I see Dinah I’m like “oh my stars, she’s so me!” but she’s not like me at all </3 I would say that this is just a normal thing for me, but I can only think of one other time where I had a favorite character I felt like was literally me, but in that case I had some similarities

Dinah is not me, I feel like I’m way too mean and- while I don’t have a lot of it- I have some self respect. But everytime I’m watching Starlight Express or seeing anything relating to it and Dinah shows it, internally I’m like “me fr”

I know this is really dumb and probably corny but I have only one IRL that follows me who would judge me for this so it doesn’t really matter

[skeletoninthemelonland]

"The Exocannis Ressurection"

[demadogs]

Proud family of Will Byers.

STRANGER THINGS 2 Chapter Two: Trick or Treat Freak