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captainx-camino · 2 years ago

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No, but I have whole other things to say about why we as people are so willing to forgive Renfield far easier for his crimes and how it was so brilliantly used to turn the whole idea on its head that deserves its own novela, but it basically breaks down to the movie being a hilariously over exaggerated POV and doing a really good job of making you empathize with Renfield's struggle while simultaneously making him very digestible for the audience, only to have his heroic moment be anything but.

Cause they make Renfield very much this "uwu, I can do no wrong, soft boi, uwu" character FOR THE DISTINCT PURPOSE OF GARNERING SYMPATHY

Which normally, this would bug the crap out of me because I hate the idea of the perfect little victim trope and how it lends to only certain types of abuse victims being deserving of help. But the way they framed it with Renfield was really smart and covert in a way that allows that idea to extend beyond the "cute, submissive, uwu sad victim who needs to be protected by some outside source™️" and gives him not only his own real flaws to grow from, but the strength to overcome his abuser on his own in a way that is neither cute nor submissive, but horrendous and violently camp.

The way they took a brutal, horrifying end to someone's abuser and made it lighthearted and fun without framing it in a way as to say any of us should feel bad for ever wanting anything similar to happen to the people who hurt us was such a nice way to conclude the part of his healing journey we got to see.

His freedom was deserved because it was an allegory for being the aftermath of escaping and the slow realization that all of the lies your abuser told you about how the world would be if you left them aren't true.

It was never about telling a story accurate to how he should have paid for his many crimes because his relation to Rebecca is about more than what he did under Dracula.

Renfield starts out by being inspired by her bravery and levels out to being able to call Rebecca on her own toxicity. He grows and learns what isn't ok and how to recognize that in even people he's allied with, while still being able to see and accept his own faults, which is a huge life skill I had to entirely relearn after my abuse. It's also why I'm very happy that they didn't gloss over the bad things that Renfield did do on his own, or brush them off as being forced by Dracula, because it's such an important part of healing to accept that part of you. That you're not perfect, and that you make mistakes or do shitty things you regret, and that's okay.

Renfield owns that mistake, because it was his and that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to be happy and treated with dignity. It's not important that he pay for his crimes at the end because that metaphor is more important to the story than being realistic. Not just because he's the preferred, easily digestible victim trope, but because he deserves good things even after making his own mistakes.

They DEMOLISHED the idea of him only being worthy because people could pass him off as innocent by the end of the movie and it was entirely refreshing.

Healing is messy. Abuse leaves you with learned behaviors and unhealthy coping mechanisms that mean you've almost always fucked up and been the bag guy at some point or another, to someone for whatever reason. Mistakes WILL happen, even to the most careful of people and coming out of that with the understanding that you are still deserving of good things is a hard thing to get to.

I will forever praise how this movie treated that journey, because it's not representation I get often.

It's far more often that I find people expect abuse victims to fit in a tiny, neat box that meets all of these unrealistic check marks or their just bad people than a piece of media that even begins to understand that issue enough to make a stance on how fucked up it is.

The "Renfield is copaganda" claim is so funny to me because like??? I think a lot of people forgot that no one in this movie, Rebecca included, is a fucking saint???

This movie blatantly says that 99.999999% of the cops are on the take, going as far to show that Rebecca's own partner is one of them.

The one "good" cop is a traumatized mess of insubordination and anger issues that mentally shouldn't even still be working, because her entire reason for going against protocol and trying to take down the Lobos is fueled by revenge.

This movie consistently reminds you that it's own protagonist is not, has not been, and probably never fully will be a good person. It doesn't dismiss the fact that he's spent the better part of the past 100 years serving a living demon by killing the innocent for him.

Much of which, he self admittedly enjoyed because HE was getting something out of it.

Renfield's "moral high ground" is nothing more than an extension of his greed. That was one true thing Dracula said about him and it was true because it was something Dracula liked about him when they first met.

Does that mean he deserves the abuse? Absolutely not, but it also doesn't excuse his own problematic behavior.

R. M. Renfield may be a babygirl, but he is unquestionably not a good man.

Renfield:

-Knowingly joined Dracula of his own free will

-Abandoned his wife and very young child

-Has Happily murdered people for years, even still being shown to enjoy killing people he believes deserve it

-Maimed or mutilated people

-Has committed fraud, breaking and entering, theft, and various other serious crimes in the pursuit of either serving Dracula or escaping him.

All of which clearly are not deal breakers for Rebecca, despite being the allegedly "uncorrupted" cop.

Renfield is NOT Copaganda.

Renfield is a hilarious movie that literally spells out that all cops are unreliable pieces of crap that are corrupted by their own motivations, regardless of how "righteous" those motivations may seem at first glance.

Be not mistaken; No one in this movie is a good person. They weren't supposed to be.

That wasn't the point.

The point was that even people who have their own flaws are worthy of being treated well, deserve happiness, and prosperity.

Ya know, something ACTUAL victims of abuse struggle with believing constantly.

It never ceases to amaze me how some of you can take a fun movie, with a great message that it's intended target almost never gets to see, and spam it with hot button "thought" points that are not only irrelevant, but usually thinly veiled reasons you give yourselves to harass other people on the Internet.

We're tired.

Either you liked the movie or it wasn't for you.

If you didn't like it, let it go and move on so those of us who DID get something out of it can continue to benefit and grow.

#renfield #it's still not copaganda and is in fact very anti cop for the same reasons i listed above about Rebecca's own issues #don't gloss over the part where it shows that she's not a good person either

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spaceorphan18 · 3 years ago

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Characters are allowed to have flaws but criticizing or hating them for it when it's not well written, is valid. Unfortunately in glee people don't face consequences for their mistakes and don't change their view so what's the point of making mistakes when you don't ever learn from it? Kurt had biphobic views and he remained that way. Sam had racist views and he was never called out. Artie dismissed sexual assault as something fun and his views didn't change. None of those flaws are particularly well written in the show so what's the point of them existing in the first place if it only will show them in a bad light without redemption?

I'm going to push back on this, Nonny. Because I don't think every character beat needs a redeeming moment. Because people don't get redemption moments for every mistake they make in real life. While I think it's important to have nuanced and analytical discussion about it, I don't think we should hold fictional characters (and real people) to an unrealistic standard.

Let's take Kurt's biphobic views from BIOTA. Unless I'm completely missing something, the only time Kurt says something biphobic is in this episode. And while I'm not excusing the behavior, I do think context is important. He's a scared kid who doesn't hate bisexual people, but is afraid he'll lose his one gay friend that he's interested in to a girl. So he lashes out. It's not a great moment.

However, Kurt has one bad moment and he's forever labeled biphobic because we never see him educated about it? Nope, I push back on that. We, as an audience, can discuss how this was a bad moment, and discuss with others why this is not a good stance from it. Kurt doesn't, in story, need to be called out. Because it's not a story about Kurt hating bisexuals (he doesn't).

The argument with Blaine isn't about bisexual people - it's about the two of them navigating this relationship as teenagers and not doing it well. I do wish we had gotten more of a conversation between Kurt and Blaine than the ending we got (hilarious as that moment is) cleaning up their rift. But I'd have rather had Kurt apologize for not accepting Blaine's trying to work out his sexuality more than his biphobic comment.

This is where I think people get so caught up on a specific aspect they miss the context (and the point) entirely.

And look, if you're someone who looks at this and just can't with Kurt because of it. That's fair - that's how you feel. I'm not trying to change your mind on it. You don't have to like it. What I'm saying is that not every character and not every person is going to be held accountable for every bad thing they've ever done in their life.

And this is where I think we're holding these characters to unrealistic expectations. I don't think it's bad writing if every character flaw isn't somehow magically resolved. Because I think people have bad moments and can still be good people, even if they're never called out on.

And yes - I do think we should always strive to be better people, but humans live in a grey area. So our fictional characters are going to, too.

And while I do think Glee had some questionable writing from time to time (more so with the drop plot threads and clunky execution of stories) I don't think it's as bad as people make it out to be -- just because characters don't act the way they want them to. And because there are a lot of characters on the show that just aren't good people.

I also think there's value in all kinds of stories. I think /good/ writing is a subjective thing. But I think this idea that characters need to be redeemed and fixed? cured? educated? for it to be a good story or have value in it is limiting and not reflective of real life.

But that's just me.

#i didn't even get into how we have these conversations is important #too #but I should go to work and not make this an entire thesis statement

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sapphic-hope · 4 years ago

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revenge ⸝⸝ oneshot

pairings: hope mikaelson x vampire!reader

warnings: angst, betrayal (the reader pretends to be someone they're not to manipulate hope), death (mentioned).

summary: centuries ago, you made the mistake of helping katerina petrova. to punish you, klaus murdered your entire family. you want revenge, and what better way to get it then to manipulate his only child? if only you didn't end up getting to know the real her, or even worse falling in love. // set in season five of the originals, klaus is still alive and roman doesn't exist.

word count: 800+

Becoming a student at the Salvatore school is surprisingly easy. A few lies here and there, a well thought out sob story that the headmaster eats up, and you're in. Absolutely no compulsion needed.

Honestly you are horrified how little time the school spends checking out your backstory, despite the fact that it works in your favor.

For a school meant to keep their students safe they sure as hell don't seem to be doing their job that well. You're surprised the Klaus Mikaelson would have ever sent his only daughter there.

Getting close to Hope Mikaelson turns out to be nearly impossible, not that you expected it to be easy. While the rest of the students are quick to accept you as one of them, the vampires happy to have you, even the witches and the wolves warming up to your presence, Hope stays away.

You soon learn that's normal behavior for the tribrid, staying away from the other students. You hate her just a bit more for that, your mind happy to make it's own judgement. Because of course the high and mighty Mikaelson stays away from everyone, full of herself just like her father had once been.

Time passes quickly and you make little to no progress in befriending the girl. But surprisingly you aren't that mad about it, while the 'bunny' blood does take some time to get used to, you find yourself enjoying being part of the school. Even if you know it's only a means to an end and not something you should allow yourself to get attached to.

It's Josie Saltzman of all people, the headmaster's daughter, that ends up being the key to befriending Hope. She is one of the few people at the school that Hope doesn't go out of her way to avoid. Obviously being friends with Josie would take you one step closer to Hope.

In hindsight you should have realised that sooner, but better later then never. You don't let your thoughts linger on why using Josie's good natured friendship didn't come to your mind weeks before.

It's a little shocking how easy things go after you realize that. A few kind words to Josie and a few days later the four of you – Josie, Hope, Josie's sister Lizzie and you are hanging out together. The twins turn out to be far more fun to spend time with then you thought, in another life you may have even been actual friends.

Hope takes some time to warm up to you, but you have all of the time in the world. And it's not like there is someone waiting for you in the outside world. After all, Hope's father made sure of that centuries ago when he slaughtered your entire family.

Months pass, you have a routine now, one you can admit to yourself you will miss when everything is over and you leave. Hope is still distant but you're confident that you could be considered friends now. She still doesn't mention her family, not even a word on anything you could use against them, but you learn that you don't hate spending time near her as much as you did before.

The universe seems to have something against you, so of course everything goes horribly wrong the moment you dare to think you might be close to getting what you wanted.

An accident happens, a group of humans attacks the school and Hope ends up killing one of them. Triggering her wolf side.

You're surprised that you are the person she goes to. She's a sobbing mess, trying to explain what had happened, repeating over and over how she didn't mean to. It's only your vampire hearing that makes you understand what's she's saying.

And for the first time, your heart breaks for her. Ignoring the internal turmoil insise your mind is easy when you fully focus on her, gentle and oh so kind as you hug her and tell her it's all going to be alright. She only stops crying once she falls asleep.

You stay by her side and it would be so easy to hurt and maybe even kill her then and there, asleep on your bed, her guard down. You don't.

Next time you see each other, you both pretend it had never happened. Hope leaves the school for a month, you assume her mother came to get her so the two of them could spend Hope's first full moon together. But you don't dare ask her about it when she returns.

You don't mention it but there's a silent understanding between the two of you now and you're closer then ever. You love hate it. You promise to yourself that it if you ever get a chance to kill her again, you'll take it.

(It's a lie. And deep down you know it.)

#hope mikaelson x reader #hope mikaelson imagine #hope mikaelson #the originals #to #the originals imagine #to imagine #legacies #legacies imagine #the originals x reader #legacies x reader #josie saltman #lizzie saltzman #klaus mikaelson #hayley marshall

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inthiswhisper · 3 years ago

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cas: you are not growing on anyone. sam and dean are just using you. don't mistake that for caring about you, because i can assure you they don't.

belphegor: wow. you learn that the hard way?

belphegor: what is it, cas, really? this, uh, seething animosity.

cas: you're wearing jack — who was like a son to me — like a coat. every second in your presence is intolerable. it's an abomination. you're an abomination.

—

i was gonna say. projecting there a bit, buddy.

but this is tearing me apart in that i’ve been noticing for… i don’t know… eight seasons now? how much cas originally thrived on being useful. he grew accustomed to it — for heaven, for the brothers, and beyond them. but it slowly began to wear on him. where he once felt valuable through it, he was starting to get kind of fed up. he teetered back and forth on that.

by having jack accepted by sam and dean as their child… i think jack became a link for cas to really feel like he belonged. obviously, he loved jack for jack, and sam and dean do care for cas. but to cas — this was his reason to be with the brothers outside of catering to them. they felt like a family, truly. but as cas said, once jack lost his soul, he feared jack’s condition would be a hard blow to them as a unit. it would tear them apart and erase what sense of belonging cas found — and then it did. dean’s anger at jack and cas for keeping the secret is incredibly valid. cas should have spoken up so they could figure it out. but jack’s gone, their nest empty, and even after apologizing it’s (again) like cas is only good if he’s useful, as dean’s behavior may imply to cas. as well as cas’ assumption that dean ignored his feelings about being near bel. bel is a walking reminder of cas’ loss, mistake, and link to a family he feels cut away from. cas’ emotional trauma means something to him.

so, from a character pov, i love that cas was stunned. that he hesitated and then pushed against dean’s statement with some attitude, when cas once would have obeyed without hesitation, or volunteered himself. that dean’s allowed to be angry, but to speak for cas was unfair. it’s such a small but remarkable shift that depicted cas’ growth into humanity and a kind of selfhood that i never expected to see.

#killing that demon outright......... he is not well #supernatural #spn liveblog #15x03

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zodiactalks · 4 years ago

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Love Life with Aquarius Woman & 5 Brutal Truths

Aquarius women have long been considered one of the most unconventional signs in the Zodiac and with good reason! This quirky, charming, intelligent, and bold sign can easily turn your world upside down.

But, are you ready for her?

Falling in love with an Aquarius woman can be an easy, almost unavoidable thing to do. However, it doesn't come without its challenges; after all, a woman as outstanding is bound to be complicated.

Her intelligence, her ability and preference to think outside the box, her desire to explore the world in new ways, and her closely-guarded heart will make any attempt at a romantic relationship with this revolutionary sign a bit of an odyssey. It'll be the kind of romantic adventure you'll fondly look back on in years to come.

It can also be just plain challenging, full of bumps and arguments that make for bad memories rather than good.

So how do you make sure you're getting the former and not the latter? By learning as much as you can about Aquarius women as quickly as possible.

Here are five brutal truths about loving Aquarius Woman.

#1. They're obsessed with being authentic.

Aquarius women can't stand the thought of being one of the bunch and will go through all kinds of extremes just to make sure she stands out as unique.

They're often described as weird, quirky, eccentric, or just plain freaky, and while those adjectives fit rather nicely, it's essential to understand that Aquarius women often play up to them.

Make no mistake, Aquarius women are often into unusual things and love some of the weirdest things you can imagine, but they also tend to be a bit performative in their interest; the moment they find something quirky and fun to do, they'll make sure the world knows it.

It's not enough that they're into collecting spiders or photographing other people's auras, oh no, they'll talk about it, and they'll talk about it often, ensuring no one around them can miss the fact that they're so quirky and unique.

It's one thing to be into weird stuff. It's a whole other thing to make that "quirkiness" part of your personality, and Aquarius women tend to do both.

So, if you have unconventional interests, chances are you'll find something in common with an Aquarius woman, just be prepared for her to make a big deal about it.

#2. They're know-it-alls.

No one discusses the fact that Aquarius women are wicked smart and interested in cerebral pursuits. They love learning new things, adore reading non-fiction, are obsessed with collecting all kinds of useless little facts, and generally are always pursuing the opportunity to acquire new skills.

Aquarius women are one of the most brilliant and capable women in the Zodiac, and they'll make damn sure you know it.

Honestly? There's nothing wrong with this. They've earned the right to flaunt and share their knowledge and skills with the world. After all, what good is information if you don't use it? What good is knowledge if you don't share it?

The thing is, Aquarius women are far from humble, and if they're proud of their achievements –as they should be– they'll make it their life mission that you, and everyone else, are aware of them.

She wants people to know she's the smartest and wants people to look up to her. In fact, though she might not voice it, she wants people to feel a little dumb next to her because she knows she rocks that hard.

As you can imagine, this behavior can get quite annoying, so make sure you're ready for it because it's not going anywhere.

#3. They hate romance.

Aquarius women are one of the least romantic creatures in the face of the earth.

Their straightforward, logical, somewhat aloof personality translates to a person who thinks romantic gestures are corny and stupid, and someone who would rather skip all the niceties and superficial gestures and get straight to business.

It's not that they're incapable of love, as this sign loves fiercely, it's more that they prefer to keep their romantic gestures as plain and sincere as possible.

They tend to see traditional romantic acts as performative and not really honest. Flowers and chocolates may be nice, but did you buy those because she likes it or because you think that's what she expects of you?

Long walks down the beach, sunset kisses, expensive dinner dates followed by a movie? Those are perfectly serviceable dates, yes, but are they really what you want to do, or did you choose them because she's a woman and those are the to-go date ideas?

Aquarius women want something sincere, something honest, something that truly reflects what you two like and what unites you as a couple. Giant teddy-bears are good, and all, but they mean nothing if you just get them because you think that's expected of you.

Instead of using movies and pop culture to plan your date, personalize it to make sure it's something she really would love!

If she's into birdwatching, then a picnic in the forest might be better received than a romantic dinner at a restaurant. If she's really into fishes, then a coelacanth plushie will beat a teddy bear every single time.

Forget what the movies have told you. If you love an Aquarius woman, none of those tips will work!

#4. They're incredibly indecisive.

Maybe it's a side effect of their highly active mind, perhaps it's just the way they interact with the world, but Aquarius women overthink just about everything that happens in their lives, and, because of that, they can be incredibly indecisive.

Trust us; an Aquarius woman doesn't take decisions lightly.

Yes, she might be an adventurous spirit always on the lookout for new experiences, but that doesn't make her spontaneous. Far from it, Aquarius women like to consider the pros and cons of all activities she joins and will make their due diligence when it comes to researching and making sure that activity is right for them.

Even when they've done everything in their power to ensure the best possible outcome, they'll doubt themselves and second-guess their choices at any given moment, simply because they're well aware that no one can plan for everything.

#5. She reinvents herself constantly.

If you want to be with an Aquarius woman, you need to be prepared to love her through her many, many phases. None of that 'I hope she doesn't change' nonsense. She will change, and she will change constantly.

She'll explore new interests, try her hand at new hobbies, pursue new objectives, and follow new styles and fashions just to see if it works for her.

Aquarius women want to experience everything the world has to offer and, to do so, they can't allow themselves to be static. They need to be in constant motion, always changing themselves.

If this sounds challenging, it's because it is.

This trait is one of the things people have the most trouble understanding about Aquarius women, but it's the one you need to embrace the fastest to have a happy life with her.

She won't become a different person from one day to the other. Aquarius women are, after all, always loyal to themselves, but she will pull the rug under you just when you think you're getting used to her quirks.

Our advice? Don't try to understand her; just love her as she is.

#Aquarius #Aquarius woman #Aquarius girl #Aquarius female #Aquarius traits #Aquarius zodiac #Aquarius love

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etheshadowlord · 4 years ago

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UNPROFESSIONAL REVIEW OF EVERY POWER RANGERS EPISODE I CAN FIND PART 3!

Spoilers ahead for episodes 11-16. It's been a while I hope this post finds you...I don't know what state it will find you in but it could be Connecticut for all we know. Anyway, it's been a long time so I had to back up pull these out of the drawer and dust them off. I"ve mostly finished season 1 already at this point and started season 2 because the filler was getting to me and then I realized, life is far too short to get impatient. So time to slow down and reflect.

As well as subject ourselves to this madness.

Episode 11: No clowning around.

We start the episode off with Kimberly, Zack, Billy, and Jason at the Angel Grove Fair with Zack showing his hip-hop stilt dancing....yeah no it doesn't really work that well and he takes a short spill only to quickly reveal today's Villain, evil imposter clowns. Meanwhile, we see Trini bringing the kid of the day....her cousin.

Kids are cute, clowns are wholesome and nothing bad could possibly happen. Right.....so short fact I love clowns. I hate evil and monster clowns because they give the noble profession a bad name anyway whoever Pineapple the clown is, the clown council is probably greatly displeased with them.

Bulk and Skull enter the picture to tease the main team and get egg on their face. The eggs came from Billy attempting to juggle eggs on offer from the villainous clown Pineapple...Not sure but it's the thing today I guess.

So we get a segue to hearing the Gloriously Evil plan for her repulsiveness. Magical Pineoctopus that turns people into cardboard cutouts and....a...fake....fair? You know if magic stuff wasn't involved I would question how the fuck the police aren't shutting these stunts down before people get hurt. I wonder if there's just an "it's not my problem" field on these things.

So the monster of the week flattens Sylvia and the rangers convince the park goers to leave thus begins the fight. Meanwhile, Trini saves Sylvia with some water and then rejoins the Rangers in time to Put this clown down....for good. Okay, he's a fruit cephalopod but that's beside the point. End of the episode Vignette and we learn never to go with strange clowns.....or strangers period.

Fun: * * * - -

Rita: Mad

These Clowns: Failures.

Episode 12: Power Ranger Punks

We start this episode with a reminder that Baboo...

This person is actually capable of evil as well. Though not skilled at the practice of monster molding, his specialty seems to be making potions. In this case, ones to make Kimberly and Billy into....Punks.

Meanwhile, Rita unleashes the Terror Toad while they try to figure a way to correct their friends' bad behavior. Through an antidote. It works they beat the toad with a well-aimed arrow to the mouth and save the day. Sorry Baboo, no villain star today for you.

Baboo: Great alchemist....also where'd you get the Rattlesnake Lips? Share your sources please and thanks.

Drinks: Don't leave open drinks Also don't drink open drinks if you're a hero. Even if it was fine earler.

Punk: Not dead.

Episode 13: Peace, Love, and Woe.

So we start off with both Bulk and Skull causing chaos and with Rita demanding Finster to make her....Madame Woe, who is apparently almost as evil as Rita herself. Huh... also love strikes when you least expect it. Billy ends up falling for Marge who asks him to the dance and...Marge gets mistaken for a Power Ranger.

Clearly, because Rita didn't give her loyal servant the proper intel. So yeah Marge and the rangers get zapped into Madam Woe's funky dimension of Woe where she is all-powerful and send the Blue Ranger back to beat her in One on One combat, Madam Woe is defeated and we get a vignette of learning....that Bulk stores his money in his shoe.

Knowledge: Cursed.

Fun: * * * * -

Woe: - - - - -

Episode 14: Foul Play in the Sky.

We start the episode by meeting Kimberly's Uncle Steve who is a pilot and a sleeping potion.

Rita, if Monsters can't kill the power dweebs then what about flat-out gruesome murder. In fact, why hasn't she just poisoned them with a deadly poison at this point? Is it the fact she wants to look upon them as they despair? Is that the game here?

Anyway, Steve is put to sleep and Kimberly lands a plane all the while Bulk and Skull are in the back passed out because obviously you'd faint hearing that the pilot is out like a light and you're probably going to die. Rita's monster of the week is a snake man thing that fires power-draining snakes.

The plane lands and Kimberly shows us some real archery skills with a regular William Tell signature move. And we end the episode on a light note of Shakes on Bulk and Skull.

Fun: * * *- -

Plane controls: * * * * -

Rita: Wanted for attempted murder through sabotage.

Episode 15: Dark Warrior.

So another family member makes a one-time appearance. Trini's Uncle Howard is a brilliant scientist. He even made an invisibility formula. And Bulk and Skull decide to pick on Billy for....quarters for a dumb arcade...game?

Actually, we've seen Billy do some really stellar martial arts so why is he putting up with this? Seriously?

Uncle Howard shows up and....isn't wearing his glasses as he's looking for his niece. So he dumbly puts the formula on the counter. This will cause trouble later I can tell. Also, Rita sends a new monster out to find this formula. The labeled Dark Warrior. Looks more like Camo with a scarf to me. I mean invisibility can also mean camouflaging.

So Dark Warrior being a sadistic monster captures Howard, then tries to extort the formula from Trini. They fight the dark warrior and defeat him with the combined power of friendship and giant robots. Then we see Bulk and Skull get a taste of their own medicine as Uncle Howard shows off the invisibility formula that apparently can be drunk and affects your clothes as well? Weird.

Science: - - - - - WE DON'T WATCH THIS FOR ACCURATE SCIENCE!

Fun: * * * * -

Boxes: Marked with TNT Like this was Minecraft.

Episode 16: Switching Places.

You'll never know a person until you walk a mile in their shoes is usually how the saying goes. I think it works better if they were them for a week. You really get to know someone's life after a week of having to do things the way they do things.

Anyway, we start this episode with Squatt being the little Gremlin he is messing with Billy's Invention....the machine in question is a Machine to allow someone to read your mind...

So first mistake not going through the line of making sure everything is right before the experiment. Secondly, human experimentation is a bit....questionable in ethics.

Anyways, Kimberly and Billy get Switched. Like you know....body swapped. THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS CHECK THINGS BEFORE THE EXPERIMENT!

....The same also happens to Bulk and Skull.

All while this is going on Squatt unleashes a mighty Genie to fight the rangers. Guess it doesn't subscribe to the classic Genie Rules. However, the true power of the genie is in the lamp...obviously and Alpha defeats the genie by zapping it to...wherever he zapped it to. We close out the episode with everyone getting their minds back in their own bodies even Bulk and Skull sorta learn their lesson.

Switch: eroo

Genie: Wished out.

Skull: Pretty dull still.

Thus ends part 3 of this synoptic unprofessional review of every power rangers episode that I can get a hold of at least on Netflix. The next part will be the Green With EVIL special. Hence why I went with six episodes for this part because it's a five-parter coming up. Until then, see you in the next post.

#Power Rangers #unprofessional review #this is for fun #The show is campy and I haven't done these in a while and was bored #I still like the Power Rangers #really these are more like me giving my own commentary on these episodes but that's fine I'm allowed to post what I want on my blog

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dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram · 4 years ago

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I feel like you're the right person I can talk to you about so... A few days ago I got into a discussion turned into a heated argument with my friend about how it's important that we show sympathy with other people.This whole conversation started because our mutual friend did something that was really hurtful to our other friend and I made a comment that I realize how shitty that behavior is but I also sympathize with her and I fell so sad that she's so sad and suffering so much that she's hurting other people like this. And I said that if you look at it that way next time she does this it's gonna hurt less because you understand that she's also suffering and hurting herself. And you can make peace with it more easily.

My friend said if you're just saying you sympathize with her and not call her out on her wrong behavior then you're just selfish and thinking about your peace and not other people's. I made a comment and I quote "if we can't show sympathy for people who haven't had the same lived experience as us, our society can become a very dangerous place".

I personally believe in that statement. Often times when people see someone makes mistakes or do or say some thing stupid and hurtful or showcase a pattern of behavior that's not very healthy they say "well they chose to do this" or "it's their decision, they have to suffer the consequences". It makes me really wonder. I mean of course at the end of the day we are humans with brains and moral compass and we have the tools to learn what's good and what's bad. But I think we are all product of both generational and individual traumas. I think the traumatic experiences that we've had shape our perspective of the world tremendously. And I think that's where sympathy should come in. And I think we don't necessarily need to take sides or agree with certain things or not hold people accountable for their actions but I think having sympathy can help us understand each other better.

I explained all of this to my friend and she responded that "oh it's all pure bullshit. It's just a fantasy you can't expect everyone in a society to show sympathy all the time."

And I responded that it's not a fantasy. Look at all the social movements that have happened around the world. If we as society weren't capable of showing sympathy towards people with different lived experiences then how the hell these changes happen?

And at one point she said then what about a rapist? Will you be able to show sympathy towards a rapist and say I understand why he did this horrible action?

And honestly I was shocked and I didn't know how to answer that. Cause in my mind it was obvious that an action that's so violent and brutal and just so so so damaging to another person wasn't the point of the argument. I thought the boundaries were clear and we were just talking about human interactions on surface level. I didn't know we were gonna go there.

And I've been thinking about this a lot and I'm confused. Like where do you draw the line? Like where do you say I can show sympathy and where can you be like oh that person can go to hell?

And obviously everyone has their own biases and prejudice. But I can't stop thinking about it.

And I think my friend took everything so personally and felt like I was attacking her and calling her cold hearted and honestly I wasn't. I was just explaining my thoughts.

It really hurt me the way we spoke to each other. We're seemingly fine no3byt I felt like I was gaslit the whole time. She constantly put words in my mouth. Called me names and then turned around and said I was attacking her cause she's more extroverted and shows her emotions and shares her thoughts more which??? Wasn't the point at all.

Sorry I just rambled in your inbox. English isn't my first language . It's been really hard hearing these things from your friend.

Sorry this took me a while to get to anon - I think you raise some really interesting questions.

I agree that it can be useful and important to acknowledge that a lot of people's actions can come from pain. But I think the first thing to do about that realisation is to understand that it's not transferable.

That understanding, which says 'oh I see that this thing that you did comes from a place of pain' is only meaningful if it's optional and freely given. You can decide for yourself to see your friend's actions in that way, but as soon as you start advocating sympathy for others, your changing it's meaning'. Like kindness (I've talked a bit about this) the sort of sympathy that you're talking about is only meaningful if it's important.

Talking to someone who has been hurt (if I understand your story correctly) and telling them how to understand and see the person who hurt them - is neither generous nor sympathetic. The point about being freely given is even more true for people who have been hurt (For the record, I also don't think it's true that bad behaviour will hurt less if it understands where someone is coming from. We're all more complicated and have more depth of feelings than that sort of simple solution would allow). I'm not surprised your friend reacted as they did - defensive and angry. Telling friends how they should respond to being hurt is neither sympathetic nor generous.

You ask where to draw the line - and that's the point, that people get to decide for themselves what matters, where to be generous and where not to extend generosity. Generosity and sympathy are only meaningful from one person - if another person can say fuck off. Otherwise it's not generosity or sympathy - but social pressure limiting acceptable feelings and expression of feelings.

I think it's great that you're thinking about this, but I think the next step is to think a little more about boundaries. You are not your friend, your feelings are not your friend's feelings.

One of the things that interested me about this ask is that you don't specify what the friend did - you just describe something as hurtful, but you seem to see it as wrong. Not everything that is hurtful is wrong. Someone can say something hurtful and it also be true, or reasonable. It doesn't really matter what the action that sparked all that. But the way you wrote about it made me think that saying things that hurt other people is wrong - and I think that suggests a lack of boundaries.

Then at the end you use the term 'gaslighting' to refer to an argument where you didn't feel understood. In general, I'm against almost every use of the term gaslighting that doesn't include an actual gas lamp. But I also think to use it in a situation where you've already tried to tell someone how to feel about someone who hurt them, is particularly messy.

I think it's really cool that you're thinking about these things anon and it's very normal to struggle to figure out boundaries. I do recommend thinking a little less in terms of universal truths, and a little more in terms of what people get to decide for themselves.

#Sorry if I've got any of the details wrong #I would always recommend reading Captain Awkward #for a better sense of boundaries

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star-anise · 6 years ago

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hey! since you're a therapist I was wondering if you could help me with figuring out... 1) what I should be expecting out of therapy and 2) what's like normal behavior for therapists because I tried before, and I'm gonna try again for the gazillionth time, and clearly smtng isn't working abt this. I often get lost on "what is something that I should be looking out for" and what's something the therapist should have pointed out/helped me with. it may be they don't know enough abt ptsd, but still

This is an awesome question to talk about with your therapist. That doesn’t mean I’m not answering your question! But I think a lot of the time people don’t know they’re allowed to ask and talk about the therapy, like, “This isn’t working for me, I’m not getting anything out of this,” or, “What even are we trying to accomplish here,” or, “This is inconvenient, but I have a giant crush on you.”

Because the therapist is SUPPOSED to take that as really valuable feedback and incorporate it into treatment--to adjust their approach, or talk about useful goals, or say, “Okay, let’s talk about that.” (I recently read an advice column that told someone who had a crush on their therapist to just stop seeing her and find a new one and like nooooo, a good therapist maintains the boundary of “I would not sleep with you if you were the hottest person on earth, sorry�� and lets you talk about how you keep romanticizing anyone who pays attention to you or whatever, and you can’t address it if you don’t talk about it)

So especially if you feel like you’re flailing and not accomplishing much and nothing make sense, it’s okay to ASK FOR more direction and structure. Or just impose it yourself. Some therapists won’t do that because their entire method is being super unstructured, but in that case, they should tell you so and provide you with a referral to people who can help you feel like you have more control over the process. You and your therapist should figure out what to work on together and agree on how you’re going to get there; if they don’t want to explain their basic intentions and methodology, you don’t have to keep working with them.

Bc like, PTSD treatment can be pretty different from regular therapy, and complex PTSD different again from “simple” PTSD. Like, the average neurotypical usually has a lot of emotional self-regulation skills, so they can manage themselves in session. As a therapist I can just let them run the show and provide reflection and validation, and by the end of 50 minutes, they’ve usually talked themselves around to figuring out their problems.

On the other hand, people who missed out on learning those self-regulation skills may talk about their problems, and instead of realizing that they’re upset and trying to take steps to ameliorate that, if I don’t stop them, they’ll keep hammering on the things that make them upset, until they spiral into being downright distraught, and then the session’s over and they walk out of the door feeling really wrecked. Which isn’t actually therapeutic! A lot of therapists, especially in the past, have made this mistake--expecting people to use skills they don’t actually have, and being puzzled about why therapy works for other clients but not this one.

So now as I work in C-PTSD I know that sometimes, I have to teach self-regulation, and get really active in session getting clients to notice their feelings, connecting those sensations to the things we were talking about, and taking steps to adddress them. The important thing is far less the issue we’re talking about, as the lived experience of having a feel, recognizing it, and getting back to okay. It’s the same in a lot of other areas--therapists have to distinguish between whether they’re teaching you a skill to start with, or coaching you through using a skill you already know.

I also use session feedback scales, where people fill out a form at the end of the session to say if they found I listened to them well, we talked about what was useful to them, we used the right approach, etc. Because that is VALUABLE stuff to know, as a therapist--and even if your therapist doesn’t actively solicit feedback from you, you can PROVIDE this feedback and work it out on your own. You’ll probably have different perspectives on things, and your therapist might not hit the mark for you, but the more important thing is for them to listen to what you’re saying and adjust to suit you.

Depending on the options available to you, you could seek out a therapist with a specific background in PTSD, who knows a form of therapy like somatic experiencing, Trauma Focused CBT, or Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, and might have a bigger toolkit to bring to your work together.

I hope this helps?

#therapisting #staranise original #i-fear-oceans

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okakebi · 7 years ago

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sorry if this is weird but i ??? love your blog ??? a long time ago i had a moro blog and honestly it was the most fun i had on this website. i also used to write lily rammsteiner but quit bc when i had my blog the dogs fandom was dead af but it makes me happy to see that you have a heine blog too ! pls don't ever leave tumblr, you're amazing

this is weird in that … i would never have expected anything like this ?? i deeply appreciate your concern , and i feel like i’ve spent a whole week (if not longer) thinking about just how i wanted to respond to this and how i feel .

i just want to start off by saying that this message means a LOT to me . i haven’t had many meaningful connections with people on this platform in a while and it’s nice to see that there may be someone around that does care about my writing and the material i’ve been working on . i had a lot of close friends on my lelouch blog YEARS ago that i could just meme the fuck out of and honestly that was the most fun i think i’ve ever had on this site . there are lots of amazing people here that i’m sure i’d click well with , but i don’t really want to try and make friends at this stage in my life where i’ve just graduated college and went through a major breakup . i’m doing my best to keep in touch with the friends i’ve had for years and perhaps neglected in real life because of my relationship and the amount of time i put into this site .

this will just go stream of consciousness , i guess . i like to have everything as concise and as organized as possible , but i don’t really feel like doing that now . i guess i can say for sure that i’m tired of the hyper sensitivity that has come up over the past few years . i am so scared of making ANY kinds of jokes or making ANY kinds of statements that might be risky because i’m so worried about these kinds of things popping up in callouts on me . i don’t think it’s unrealistic to fear getting called out , considering it happened to me before on a different platform when i confronted and got into a fight with a popular roleplayer over his TERRIBLE behavior . i am ALL for awareness , and for the fight towards a future of equality and freedom of expression , but it’s fucking hard for me to manage every little thing i say and post . i don’t consider myself racist or homophobic or anything AT ALL , but i recognize that i am flawed and may make mistakes and i want people to come to me personally when i fuck up , not create drama .

i know that callouts aren’t on everyone’s minds at all time , and that a lot of the time they are a necessary evil . but i feel like sometimes callout culture brings out an abuse of power , as i’m sure people are a lot more likely to bandwagon on a callout rather than consider the other side and the possibility that this is an overreaction to personal discourse .

there is also just such a strong need to be on top of all the roleplaying trends , be it pop up links or fancy sub text that i can barely read , or detailed icons that i just don’t have the time to learn to make . but someone did point out to me that this is all personal preference , and i do recognize that while i would probably greatly diminish the pool of people that would be interested in me and my content , i can more or less do whatever i want in this aspect . what i’m referring to more is just the constant waves of rules that come up and you have to admit that sometimes it just gets way out of hand . i fuck up , you fuck up , i read all the rules of the people i follow , but how the fuck am i supposed to remember the rules of 300-400+ people on every blog i have whenever i post anything ?? i feel so much pressure to be good , be in this box of expectations , and if i step out of line just a little bit then all of a sudden i’m satan and i deserve to be banished . does this sound like the real world , which a lot of us are trying to get away from by being on here ? maybe this is the anxiety talking , who fucking knows but i know i am not alone in feeling this way . obviously i’m not referring to the desire of freedom of expression in terms of morally corrupt topics like some of the sick shit people come up with .

speaking of gray morality on tumblr , i still don’t understand why people condone mindless serial killer characters when r*pists aren’t okay . i understand having interest in murderers with motives and grand plans , but why are people that take the lives of others all good and encouraged when other types of criminals are not allowed ???? i don’t have answers for this , i don’t think anyone does , in fact . i have written my fair share of characters that intentionally take the lives of others (lelouch , makishima shougo , takasugi , zero two , fuck even san has killed people) , and why is this seen as cool when murder is a fucking terrible thing to do ?

and then there are just a lot of things with race on tumblr i just don’t even want to get into ESPECIALLY as a korean woman who grew up in the states . a lot of the arguments i see over minorities that come up just don’t even make sense to me . like no one can tell me why real life korean fc’s on japanese characters are banned when we’re allowed to use japanese anime characters as fc’s for korean characters . also if it isn’t okay to mix up asian ethnicities like this , i don’t think it should be okay to mix up white or black or ANY type of broader ethnic group . if anything i feel like this rule of not using korean fc’s for japanese characters was created because asians are practically fetishized on this site and people are like !!! gotta look out for our precious asians !!! seeing this weird rule applied only on asians make me feel like we’re a lesser group of people compared to others because we need the special help or something . idk .

i recognize i’m just going off at this point . i’m asking questions no one has the answers to , and it’s okay that no one can really come up with proper responses when i bring these things up . what i have a problem with is the discomfort i find myself in when i think about these things , and how i’m scared to mention these things even though they’re often on my mind . i want people to challenge me , to TALK to me about these topics . what i don’t want are witch hunts , or drama , or a lot of the behavior i’ve been seeing . i’m sorry to say that i’m probably done with tumblr for good , and if i do continue writing somewhere on the internet it definitely won’t be here .

#Anonymous #long post //#ask to tag

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seyaryminamoto · 8 years ago

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dont you think you're being a bit nitpicky? some examples. aang and toph got captured by the boulder. sokka was like "omg got the boulder's autograph!" or when he crawled into appa's mouth cause he thought he ate momo. Nobody calls sokka a retard because of those moments. I don't think you can call iroh a sexist because of that 1 june episode I also don't think giving an 8/9 year old girl a doll is sexist. everybody will look bad if you only focus on their negative moments. just my opinion on it

Uh… Uh-huh. I think you may have gotten a little lost in that post, Anon?

Let’s rewind a bit:

“I don’t know if we can label him as a sexist altogether, he doesn’t seem to inherently mistreat women just on the basis that they’re women… but he does have certain behaviors that border on sexism towards certain women, which is bothersome.”

This is literally what I said in paragraph 2 of that post, Anon. No offense, but maybe you’re the one who should be nitpickier so you can read all of what I did say instead of claiming that I outright accused Iroh of being sexist when I deliberately held back from doing so.

“His treatment of Azula never improves, we can’t really say that it’s about sexism entirely”

Again, I said his behavior over Azula may not be outright sexism. Yes, he has a handful of sexist moments, and if you’re not going to call him sexist for those fine by you, I didn’t outright label him that way either. I said there’s scenes, situations, characters that he treats in a way that begs for at least some judgment from the viewers who may want to see ATLA with a more critical eye. Iroh doesn’t treat ALL women poorly, I said it in that post, I’ll say it again if it’ll make you happy. But I do think the doll instance speaks lengths about what he’s expecting any little girl to be satisfied by (meaning either that he knows next to nothing about Azula or that he can’t be bothered to make the same efforts for her that he can for Zuko), and if you don’t want to see that as sexism that’s your problem, but it doesn’t fly with me.

If anything, I do hope you at least acknowledge it’s clear favoritism of Zuko over Azula? Because if you frankly think a common doll that probably any Ba Sing Se girl has access to is on par with a knife from the surrendering General of the city’s outer wall, then I’m afraid we’ll never see eye to eye and this whole discussion will really be pointless.

Alright, on with the next topic:

Newsflash? Yes, there are people who think Sokka is an idiot. They’re generally not being nitpickers by doing so, they just look down on him a lot. These people tend to overlook the full spectrum of his character because of how often he’s used for comic relief and how little action he gets compared with the rest of the cast (and granted, Yang’s portrayal of him isn’t helping either since he seldom gives him any serious scenes in the comics). There are people out there who refuse to take Sokka seriously, they may not call him a retard outright (no idea if they do, honestly) but they will say they think he’s an idiot and not exactly in the affectionate way. So alas, I’m afraid that’s not a good way to go about your point. This happens because I’ve seen it with my own two eyes. Good for you if you haven’t.

You may be expecting more ATLA positivity from me… well, I’m afraid I don’t have as much to offer on that front as other bloggers do. It’s not that my own work is flawless because scarcely any form of fiction will be, but yes, I have the tendency to bring up the things most people overlook about ATLA. I don’t sing praises over Zuko’s development because I find it beyond flawed and I believe it could have been better. I criticize the heroes’ morality constantly because their actions contradict their words at times (and as much as I love him, Sokka is not exempt from this either, although I do think he’s one of the heroes who does it the least).

I have a lot to say against Iroh because, as I said, he’s generally revered and his mistakes, misdeeds, wrongdoings, are either excused or overlooked or turned into funny stuff. I’m pretty sure I’m allowed not to like that. Wherever you go, whatever you do, you bring up Avatar and people will have nothing bad to say about Iroh, EVER. Part of what I do with my analysis/rants is look at the other side of the coin, see? Azula is not as rotten/broken/lost as people think, heroes are not as pure and good and flawless either. Those are facts that can be proved by all their actions. And I’m quite sorry if it makes you uncomfortable for someone to point it out, but heck, I always see thousand-notes posts going around praising so many things that I find questionable about the show. My posts on the same topics, focusing on what I’m dissatisfied by? They get 10 notes on average, maybe a bit more if a bigger blog than mine spreads it around. But that’s it. That’s all. How is it such a cause for concern that I bring up matters that I believe weren’t handled so well by the show, when the widespread ATLA content is absolutely, overwhelmingly positive?

I can understand if you’d rather I don’t throw constant criticism on what might be your favorite show, but just so you know, I use the knowledge of where ATLA went wrong to guide my own path through writing (well, ATLA and all fictional things I see, really). I’ll make my own mistakes, no doubt, and I’ll learn from them, but I also try to learn from those others have made. That way I may make a little more progress a little faster, see?

So yes, I will bring up characters who are generally shot down, and I will shoot down characters who, as I said, are even canonically “enlightened” when they’ve got sketchy stuff worth pointing out. Why should I talk about the wonders of Iroh’s “foster dad” relationship with Zuko when that’s what EVERYONE ELSE already talks about? Why should I focus on the awful things Azula did when the show did that constantly, portraying how cold-blooded and what an “ends-justify-the-means” person she is at all times?

In the end, Anon, I’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortable but this is how I blog. I was also answering an anon ask, btw, which means I’m not the only one who’s bringing up and thinking about these matters. Some people agreed with me, too, and reblogged the post. Are you going to ask them not to spread the ill word on Iroh too? Because frankly, we may be the minority but our criticism has enough basis for there to be a small but certain group of people who agree that his behavior can be sketchy and questionable. I’m not pulling this out of my ass here.

Now, about everyone looking bad because I focus on the negative? Let me explain myself again:

Whoever wants to say Sokka is only an idiot can do so, but see, doing that means conveniently forgetting every instance where he shows otherwise: what I try to do is look at what isn’t generally in plain sight, or at all of those smaller things that went over the fandom’s head, without focusing all that much on the greatness of each heroic character because that part is in plain sight.

It’s the dark stuff that people overlook for the heroes, and it’s the dark stuff I’ll keep bringing up precisely because they’re also part of what makes a character who they are. Iroh’s instances of sexism add complexities to his character, believe it or not, because they prove he’s FLAWED. The fact that those flaws are not addressed by the show’s narrative is where the real problem of the show resides, and it’s why I will continue to address the matter the way I do, regardless of how many people may be uncomfortable by it.

So no, I’m not saying Iroh is sexist: I’m saying he’s not perfect.

Have a good day.

#Anon #._______. I mean I guess you just want me to chill but I don't know how #I have strong feelings #countless opinions #and if you're new here you'll probably see a lot more of it unless you'd rather flee from my madness now #also I am a professional nitpicker #that's what I've been brought up to be in the course of the last four years #so I'm a lot more than a bit nitpicky mind you

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dorothydelgadillo · 6 years ago

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11 Facebook Ad Mistakes You're Probably Making (& How to Avoid Them)

Editor's Note: This article was originally published in 2017 and has been updated to reflect recent changes in the Facebook Advertising platform and best practices.

Facebook advertising is one of the most popular paid media options available today, with 93% of social marketers using it due to the ease of use and variety of options.

But, are all of those people using the platform correctly?

Not even close.

Like all aspects of digital marketing, the best practices for successful Facebook advertising are ever changing. No marketer is immune to making mistakes, let alone in an area that is so dynamic.

It is important for marketers to set up and use Facebook advertising correctly (or not use it at all if they can’t). By taking short cuts, not using best practices or keeping up with algorithm changes, and poorly executing your ads, you run the risk of wasting your money, not getting the results you are looking for, and most importantly, losing opportunities with potential customers.

As organic reach on Facebook continues to rapidly decline and ad impressions continue to increase , the competition is steep for marketers to keep up by ensuring ads are engaging and relevant. Hootsuite’s Global State of Digital Report (2018) states 24.2% of Facebook Pages are using paid media, and that number is expected to grow.

Businesses of all sizes have the ability to achieve their goals using Facebook advertising, if it is used correctly. Before we jump into the mistakes people make with Facebook advertising, allow me to break down the elements of a Facebook Ad.

Elements of a Facebook Ad

There are three main steps to the creation of a Facebook ad:

Defining objectives

Ad targeting and strategy

Ad creation

Each of these is described in more detail below.

If you’re planning to do any paid advertising on Facebook, the first step should generally be to determine your ad objective for the campaign you are running. This should be documented in the holistic marketing campaign strategy you are building and will help to ensure that your marketing and advertising efforts are not operating in silos.

For example, if conversions are your top business objective, your Ad objective needs to align with that.

Once you’ve identified your objective, the next step is to determine your ad targeting and strategy. This includes elements such as Audience, Placements, Budget and Schedule. As a best practice, we recommend focusing on a niche audience, being strategic about placements, and monitoring your budget and schedule regularly. The decisions you make in the ad setup phase will set the tone for how broad or narrow your budget is and in what time frame you will see results from your ads.

It is easy to use broad strokes, a general budget, and a “set it and forget it” mentality… but to say you would be wasting your money and not get the best possible results would be an understatement.

The last step is the actual ad creation. Here, you’ll build out your ad’s format, create any media assets, and develop any additional creative utilized within the ad. What you use will vary based on the type of ad you are implementing. The more complex the ad is, the more advanced functionality you will want to take into consideration.

Common Facebook Advertising Mistakes

With this in mind, let’s take a look at the top 11 Facebook ad mistakes you could be making and how you can avoid making them in the future.

1. Not having a clear, holistic strategy

Being strategic is a mental game. This means having mental awareness around specific key performance indicators and being able to explore multiple angles on how to achieve your high priority objectives as will as the mini goals that fall under each.

Although advertising is often a quick way to boost website traffic, conversions, and in some cases, immediate sales (hello eCommerce), the reality is that the best approach to Facebook advertising is to see it as a marathon, not a sprint.

Our Facebook Ads wizard Ali Parmelee says it best when discussing Facebook Ads Strategy Tips for 2019:

"They're still using Facebook ads as a standalone channel for one-off promotions and sales, instead of what they should be doing -- looking Facebook ads as a full-funnel solution."

It’s hard to develop a holistic Facebook Ads Strategy if you don’t understand your Ad objective.

As I explained earlier, setting your marketing objective is the very first step when creating a Facebook Ad. With so many different options to choose from, how can you be sure you select the right one?

Consider your end-goal. What do you want the Facebook user to do?

Learn more about your brand, visit your website, convert on an offer?

Determining what you want the end-goal for the ad to be will help you choose which ad objective you need. Choosing the wrong objective will not only send you down the wrong path in the Ad Manager, but will ultimately result in you spending money on something you didn’t really want.

Facebook makes it easy for you to choose an objective right in the Facebook Ads interface. Choose from a variety of options in three categories - awareness, consideration and conversion (decision).

2. Forgetting to Use Facebook Pixels

Tracking and reporting are essential parts of any marketing strategy. How else are you going to be able to prove that what you are doing to drive opportunity to your business is working?

Enter Facebook Pixels.

In plain English, a pixel is a way to track interactions that are happening with your Ad all the way back to your website, using analytics.

The pixel can be used for three main functions:

Build custom audiences from your website so you can re-market to them

Optimize your ads for conversions

Track conversion on your website or event page and attribute them to your ads

We love proving ROI when it comes to digital marketing -- but it’s not always easy to do.

The use of Facebook pixels is critical for closed-loop reporting and the failure to incorporate them is one of the most common mistakes people make when implementing Facebook advertising.

When properly installed, Facebook Ad pixels are an AMAZING way to measure your ad’s effectiveness in driving results, whether your goal is traffic to your website or ticket purchases on EventBrite or another objective we haven’t listed here.

From the data you collect using your Facebook pixel, you can learn how your audience engages with you off of the Facebook platform and use that to better deliver ads and continue to sell to them on the platform.

The pixel is a snippet of code that Facebook provides for you right inside of the ads manager, and you can install the code on your website yourself or get a developer involved in doing it for you.

If you aren’t using the Facebook pixel yet, start now! You could be missing out on targeting ads to people who have been to your website or have already visited your landing pages but didn’t convert.

These users are highly engaged and already familiar with your brand -- and an ad targeted to them will only increase your chance for conversions.

3. Poor Targeting

With millions of active users on Facebook, the likelihood that organic Facebook posts about your product or service will resonate with your audience is slim. Selecting specific audiences through Facebook’s built-in targeting features will allow you to reach the right type of people.

Targeting options include: purchasing behavior, life events, existing contacts, similar or lookalike audiences (to your existing contacts/customers), layered targeting using location, demographics, and behaviors.

The best way to create an excellent targeting strategy is to understand your overall target audience and specific buyer personas.

One of the biggest mistakes we see is marketers targeting audiences that are too broad, too narrow, or just plain wrong.

Here are some ways to address these challenges.

Targeting Audiences Too Broad (or Too Narrow)

When creating your ad, be sure to look at the audience size to see if you are targeting too many -- or too few -- people. To do so, look at your potential reach in Facebook.

If the ad is set to reach hundreds of thousands or even millions of people, ask yourself if there are realistically that many people out there who would be highly interested in converting on your offer at that very moment.

Is the answer no? Then narrow down your audience by selecting additional demographics or interests.

On the flip side, you don’t want to cut down your audience so much that it is too small for Facebook to deliver your ad.

You will need to play around with your targeting to get the fit that is just right for you.

Luckily, Facebook includes a little dial that shows you when you’re in a safe zone of audience size.

Targeting the Wrong Audience

This one seems like a no-brainer, but we can’t go any further without mentioning it.

Facebook advertising has one of the most robust targeting abilities in the digital world (which is part of what makes it so powerful and effective), yet many users consistently focus on the wrong audience.

The cost to advertisers of selecting the wrong audience can be substantial according to AdEspresso, which noted that there can be a 1000% difference in cost per click due to the target audience alone.

“Choosing your audience is so important, and sectioning off different niches within your target audience will ultimately lower your cost and increase your success.”

So, how can you be sure you’re targeting the right individuals?

Conduct a customer survey: Find out your current customers’ basic demographics like age, location, gender, purchasing behaviors, lifestyle, job function, etc. This will enable you to get a better glimpse of who your buyers are and improve your audience targeting through Facebook Ad Manager.

Utilize Audience Insights: Go above your Page insights and start taking advantage of what Facebook’s Audience Insights has to offer. Here, you can include interests you believe your target audience has to see what other kinds of demographics they then have in common, like education level, pages they “like,” frequency of their Facebook activity, and more.

Serving the wrong audience can look like little or no segmentation. Audience segmentation is important when targeting specific steps of the buying journey. Sometimes targeting a broader audience is good at the awareness stage of the buying journey, however if you have properly segmented lists, you can create more hyper-focused LLAs (Lookalike Audiences) which in turn will improve initial results using historical data.

A lookalike audience takes an existing contact list (for example, contacts with X job title) and allows you to reach a similar type of audience based on their behavior.

For example, if you have a list of customers who have purchased multiple times or spend more than your average customer, you can build a lookalike audience of prospects that exhibit similar traits or behavior. This popular tactic creates strong performing ads, especially for eCommerce.

Ali Parmelee, IMPACTs resident Facebook expert, dives into detail about her approach to extreme segmentation on the Inbound Success Podcast

“We look at average order value. We also look at are their goals realistic with their budgets. Because I have audited accounts where people say, "It's just not working." I'll go in, I'll look at their targeting and they're targeting four million people at a dollar a day and it's going to take them two years to see any results. So it's also setting realistic expectations with people”

When developing ads, choose a specific objective and audience for each ad set. Many DIY advertisers will often make the mistake of creating one ad, one audience, and one objective and then leave the rest up to algorithms.

Once you clearly understand your audience, have your audience segmented, then you can take the next steps to target and retarget current and potential customers.

You can control your cost and opportunities by niching down and creating individual segments for each. This may take more time, but your ROI will be much greater.

4. Disregarding the Importance of Images

Considering that images are responsible for 75%-90% of ad performance, it’s time to pay closer attention to what visuals you’re using in your Facebook ads.

Facebook offers several different ad formats and most have the option to include at least one image. In fact, if you choose a carousel or slideshow ad format, you can include several images to help capture the user’s attention and increase your chance of a click-through or conversion.

Here are the most common types of Facebook ad formats:

Photo

Video

Stories

Messenger

Carousel

Slideshow

Collection

Playables

Instant Experience (Instant Experiences, formerly known as Canvas, allow you to create a fullscreen, fast-loading destination designed for mobile, and add them to almost any ad format.)

Research by David Ogilvy concluded images are viewed and absorbed first before any text is read. Not too surprising since images are a great way to catch a reader’s eye as she or he is scrolling through the newsfeed.

-- But how do you choose the right image?

Remember to always think back to your ad’s offer or purpose. The image should have a clear connection to the offer, product, or service you are promoting. Selecting a random stock photo that doesn’t provide value to the offer is not going to help the delivery of your message, even if it does grab the viewer’s attention.

The image you choose should also be clean, with minimal text so as to not distract (like Caitlin Wilson Design’s).

Try using a free service, like Canva, to customize your ad images to get better engagement.

5. Not Utilizing Video

A 2018 survey from video ad creation platform Promo has revealed 71% of consumers find Facebook video ads relevant or highly relevant. This study shows consumer preference over imagery through metrics such as watch time and thru play.

As the use of video continues to grow across digital platforms, becomes ingrained in customer experiences, and is leveraged in day-to-day business, being the creator behind video can be overwhelming. The good news is that you don’t need to be a video production pro to create effective Facebook videos. In fact, there are a number of tools, such as wave.video, that can simplify the process

Dropbox does an awesome job of creatively getting their message across about a platform that may initially seem boring in its 16 second video.

Add Captions to Video Ads

Have you noticed how videos on Facebook start to auto-play, without sound, as you pause or hover over them when scrolling through your Facebook feed?

That’s because Facebook concluded that 80% of people react negatively to both the platform and advertiser when a video automatically plays with sound. In addition, Facebook found that 41% of videos were essentially meaningless without sound, rendering the time, effort, and cost you put into creating the video a huge waste.

Instead, design for sound off and caption your videos. Research shows that captioning video ads increases view time by an average of 12%.

Facebook realized how important captioning was to their user, so they’ve made it easy with a built-in power editor to auto-caption videos in the self-serve ad creator.

Instapage discusses How Closed Captioning Facebook Videos Can Improve Viewership. They were not sure about whether or not closed captioning was necessary, so rather than wonder, they did a two month experiment to see if it was worth the hassle.

Here is what they found after looking at data from 16.5 hours worth of video and over 4,000 views:

Average total view time was 5% higher on the variation with captions, and it was watched by 3% more viewers.

Average reach of the captioned video was 16% higher than the one without.

Reactions to the video were also higher on the version with captions, by more than 17% on average.

Average shares dropped when captions were removed, by nearly 15%.

Average video views were a little lower without captions, by about 4% — but 10-second video views were significantly lower — nearly 18%.

CTA clicks fell by 26% when captions were removed.

As the Instapage example shows, captioning videos can have a dramatic impact on Facebook ad performance.

Video Ad Metrics

After your video ad has run, make sure you are measuring the proper metrics to ensure you are reaching your goals and have a better understanding when you need to adjust your ad.

Metrics such as thru play and video watch time will help you determine at what point people are dropping off in the ad and which videos are resonating the entire way through.

Use the Ads manager to measure metrics by going to Columns > Video Engagement and tracking such metrics as:

Average watch time

Video Views

Reach

Thru Plays

Cost per Thru Play

Video Watches (at various %)

Overall, Facebook analytics show much higher interaction and engagement when using video versus any other ad format.

Video ads are not only used inside of news feeds. Facebook’s sponsored stories are becoming more popular and offer another opportunity to engage your audience in a way that connects with them where they are at in the most authentic way possible. In Fact, Small Business Trends notes “Facebook Stories now has 150 million daily users along with another 400 million on Instagram, a Facebook brand.”

Don’t have the budget for video?

PRO TIP: Use images to create create slideshow ads in Facebook The slideshow format helps to create an animated effect that anyone can create, even if you don't have the budget for a professionally-produced video.

Wait, you have to have a budget for video?

FALSE.

With 100 million hours of video being consumed daily and more businesses and people creating casual video through stories (using smartphones), video creation does not have to be professionally produced with a huge budget to be effective. In fact, a Facebook executive predicted that the platform will be all video and no text by 2021. (Quartz)

If you haven’t considered video as a part of your Facebook advertising efforts, now is the time to reconsider.

6. Missing the Mark with Headlines

Many people think headlines are the easiest part of the ad to create. You simply state what your offer is, right?

Wrong.

Create your headline in a way that explains how your audience will benefit from your product or service and entices them to click through and learn more about your offer. You can do this by highlighting benefits and features, creating an emotional connection by speaking directly to your audience’s pain points, and highlighting desired outcomes of the pains.

When it comes to headlines, don’t forget: shorter is better.

Jeff Bullas notes that very concise headlines -- those that are 40 characters in length or shorter -- receive nearly 86% more engagement.

Check out the headline from a recent DaPulse ad, “Less Chaos. Happier Clients. Higher Profit.”

Resource: https://instapage.com/blog/best-facebook-ads

It’s only 43 characters long and succinctly explains the benefit behind its product for ad agencies.

7. Having No Clear Value Proposition

A unique value proposition is a fancy way of stating the promise you are making to your customer. This is the hook that will lead people to click through to learn more versus scrolling on to find the next best thing.

Though some Facebook ads may be small, they still need to have a true value proposition. If your offer cannot be read or understood in three to five seconds and doesn’t easily capture how it's better than the competition, then you should not use it.

To ensure your ad has a strong value proposition, focus on the following:

Make the content clear and easy to understand

Communicate results the user will get from purchasing your product or service

Avoid cliche copy like superlatives and business jargon

Explain how it’s different from or better than the competition

Having no clear value proposition that aligns with your brand and speaks to your consumer will quickly turn away any interest in engaging further. Take the opportunity to survey existing customers on what is resonating, a/b test ad copy and ad formats, and put the time into the creation of a compelling value proposition, and you will realize greater ROI from your Facebook ads.

8. Forgetting to Exclude Those Who Have Already Converted

This mistake is something that happens all too often with Facebook ads, and making it has real implications for both your budget and the customer experience.

Look at the offer you are about to promote in your ad and see if you can exclude individuals who may have already converted on it.

The easiest way to do this is to create a list of those that have visited your offer’s Thank You Page, filled out your conversion or sign up form, or completed a purchase.

Use Facebook’s Custom Audience option to exclude these individuals from seeing your ad. This way, you’re not wasting money or annoying your prospects and customers.

9. Focusing on events and content that is in the moment

Unfortunately when it comes to Facebook advertising, the way many marketers dip their toes in is by boosting posts and promoting events or content “in the moment”.

The challenge with this tactic is that it is a siloed approach with minimal segmentation and targeting options.

By focusing on posts that are one and done, you also lose the ability to split test long term content. It is like the last ditch effort of training for a marathon, only to run around the block. Don’t cut yourself short by poor planning and lack of vision.

Instead, look for evergreen content that can be tested over longer periods of time. Create ways to nurture your prospects through a funnel using content that appeals to them at every stage of their buying journey.

Paid advertising is a powerful tool that can be used to tell stories of brands and people doing big things. If you choose to promote an event or content that is not evergreen, take the time to plan it in advance and create an experience for your audience to go through over time.

This means using a variety of ad types, creating dynamic ads, and truly understanding your audience to meet them exactly where they are at.

10. Using ads for only bottom of the funnel discounts

Using ads only to sell products and services or offer discounts is no different than a used car sales person or direct sales person pushing products on you. It feels icky and unnatural.

The brands that win create an experience through their Facebook ads using storytelling, relatable creative and copy, as well as an intention that meets the audience where they are at.

If you make the mistake of offering discounts to people who should be learning more about who you are and how you have helped others, you will quickly lose their trust and risk turning them off.

In addition, Facebook will actually penalize you for low quality content by suppressing your ad. After all, the last thing the Facebook platform wants is to disrupt the user experience.

11. Setting and Forgetting

I don’t think I’ve met a marketer who has not been guilty of this at one point or another.

While it's easy (and tempting) to set up your Facebook ad and then walk away, only to check on it two weeks later, you should be analyzing its performance on a daily basis.

If you’ve set up a proper Facebook ads audience, you don’t want to show them the same ad, every day, for months. This will only turn off your audience and increase your cost per conversion.

Instead, focus on regularly checking in on the following metrics to ensure your ad doesn’t get out of control or become stale:

Ad frequency

Relevance score

Click-through-rate vs. conversion rate

Number of leads

Ad performance by placement

Clicks by interest

Don’t be afraid to test along the way. Monitor regularly (daily if possible).

The proof is in the data and data takes time. Don’t be impatient to get results.

Provide yourself with three days before considering making changes, a week to make the change if absolutely necessary, and a month before pivoting completely.

With all things marketing, having 90 days of crisp data to compare what is working and what is not working in order to curate the best strategy moving forward is the ideal timeline you want to have for a successful campaign.

This means, when you are approaching a holistic strategy, you are crafting a 90 day roadmap to success. Ensure you budget for this time frame and for goodness sake, do not set it and forget it!

Avoid These Facebook Ad Mistakes

Avoid these Facebook Ad mistakes by not approaching your Facebook advertising as a stand alone strategy. Instead, plan holistically with enough time to implement your strategy correctly.

Done well, Facebook advertising can take a fair amount of effort. It requires technical set up, creative assets, and approval by Facebook itself before your ads can run. Even with this preparation, your ads may be disapproved, turn off, or be “buggy”. This is why it is so important to go all in and be accountable with what is happening with your Facebook ads and accounts on a daily basis.

Be proactive by tracking your ad spend and sharing that data with stakeholders so that they understand the results you’re getting.

Stick to your plan for the 90-day duration, test, and then correct. Once you have mastered your first campaign, then take the time to consider other options. When in doubt, hire an expert.

The intricacy and robust nature of Facebook ads can bring some of the strongest and lucrative results but there are plenty of chances for you to trip up along the way.

Use these tips to avoid making the same mistakes your fellow marketers have in the past.

Not confident in your social media marketing plan? Check out this anthology to get everything you need to know about social media marketing from basics and strategies to campaigns and contests.

from Web Developers World https://www.impactbnd.com/blog/facebook-ad-mistakes

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kidsviral-blog · 7 years ago

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15 Things That You're Doing All Wrong While Training Your Pooch

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/15-things-that-youre-doing-all-wrong-while-training-your-pooch/

15 Things That You're Doing All Wrong While Training Your Pooch

Training a dog is hard work, but it’s so important to your pup’s future well-being. There are a lot of dos and don’ts floating around out there, but a lot of them are flat-out wrong. There are certain times and ways you should punish your dog, but there are some circumstances you’ve probably been treating wrong the whole time.

Here are 15 things you’re doing wrong when training your adorable pooch.

1. Don’t expect them to come if you’re not going to reward them.

A photo posted by Rufus (@rufuscavachon) on Nov 12, 2015 at 1:27pm PST

While it’s nice to think that dogs will come every time we call, it’s important to remember that they still need a little incentive. Make sure that even after a simple command like “come!” is obeyed, you give them a good scruff on the head and tell them they did a good job!

Even if you’ve been calling them for an hour after they escaped, be nice when they come. If you punish them, they won’t be inclined to come again.

A photo posted by 🍌Fitness and Fun (@bdveganlifts) on Nov 12, 2015 at 1:27pm PST

2. NEVER let your dog jump on guests.

A photo posted by Dagmar Holler (@dagmarholler) on Nov 10, 2015 at 9:46am PST

Even if they say it’s alright, don’t allow this behavior. If you do, your dog will learn that it’s okay, and they could hurt a small child or an elderly person that comes into your home. Tell your guests to ignore them until they’ve calmed down before paying attention again.

3. Don’t yell at your pup when they tinkle inside.

A photo posted by Bruce (@happybruce) on Nov 12, 2015 at 1:40pm PST

This will only cause them to fear you, and to make those mistakes when you’re not looking and in hidden places. Instead, give your potty-training pup plenty of opportunities to go outside, and keep him crated or in your sightline while you’re at home.

4. If your pup pulls on their leash, stand still.

A photo posted by Sylvia Restricted (@slikkills) on Nov 12, 2015 at 1:07pm PST

If you show them that tugging you along gets them to where they’re going faster, they’ll never learn how to walk on a loose leash. If you have to, walk the other way if they keep pulling, and be sure to reward them when they are being a good pup.

5. Teach your pup that potty time is for going to the potty.

A photo posted by Bark Ave (@barkavellc) on Nov 12, 2015 at 12:31pm PST

Don’t let the fun-filled rolling around in the grass and sniffing everything in existence begin until the deed is done. Watching your pup play around when you just want to sleep will get old real fast.

6. Never use the kennel as punishment.

A photo posted by JustBeca! (@becaboo27) on Jul 25, 2015 at 3:04pm PDT

If you don’t want WWIII every time you try to get your dog in his kennel, never use it as a punishment. Make the kennel a happy place full of treats and toys and good times.

7. Give your yappy dog the silent treatment.

A photo posted by みーさく (@cogichans) on Nov 12, 2015 at 6:21am PST

Talking back to or scolding your dog will only prolong the conversation. If you stop talking to them, they’re more likely to stop talking to you.

8. Don’t give in to puppy dog eyes.

A photo posted by Ali Wilson (@aliwils0n) on Jul 27, 2015 at 6:30pm PDT

If you feed him once, he WILL remember. So don’t do it. Teach your pup that it’s better to be far away from the table during mealtime by giving him treats in his kennel or his bed. You can always give him people food scraps later, just not at the table.

9. Same goes for table manners.

A photo posted by Niina Pihlajamaa (@niinapihlajamaa) on Oct 28, 2015 at 1:24am PDT

var OX_ads = OX_ads || []; OX_ads.push( slot_id: “537251604_564eb828eeca0”, auid: “537251604” );

That is, not-jumping-on-the-table manners. Once they learn it’s alright, they’ll keep doing it. Remind your kids (and yourself) not to leave scraps lying around to entice Fido onto surfaces.

10. Playtime is key!

A photo posted by Rollins (@rollinsthepit) on Nov 12, 2015 at 3:10am PST

Don’t deprive your pup of playtime. If you do, they’ll make their own, and you will not be happy about it.

11. Bribery — it’s bad.

A photo posted by Abby Chesnut (@thechesnutmutts) on Nov 12, 2015 at 7:56am PST

Your dog won’t ever behave if he’s only responding to treats. There’s a difference between the early stages of training and using a lure, and a flat-out bribe. Make sure your pup is listening to you and not the treats.

12. Chew toy training never ends.

A photo posted by Numchucks (@numchucks_the_bulldog) on May 26, 2015 at 4:24pm PDT

Your pup has an instinctual need to chew, and, unfortunately, you’re going to have to keep reminding them what is alright to chew on and what isn’t. Some tips: give him treats when you give him his toy so he’ll learn that chew time is also treat time. You can also put chew toys on a rotating schedule, so that old toys become new and exciting again.

13. Nipping isn’t cute.

A photo posted by Sarah Radafshar Garcia (@mdraw110) on Nov 12, 2015 at 2:34pm PST

Once a pup learns that nipping is alright, she’ll keep doing it. Then when she becomes older, it can become dangerous. Make sure to teach your dog when they’re young that nipping isn’t okay by saying, “OUCH!” and walking away when it happens.

14. Growling is good.

A photo posted by Sherlock Bones (@consultingdogtective) on Nov 12, 2015 at 2:10pm PST

When your dog growls, he’s telling you he feels threatened. Instead of punishing him for letting you know he’s upset, simply remove him from the situation to diffuse the tension.

15. Don’t yell if your pup pees in the presence of a stranger.

A photo posted by Sergio Spimoni (@badmotherpugger) on Nov 10, 2015 at 7:25am PST

When a pooch wants to let someone know they’re not a threat, he or she might submissively urinate. If you yell, scold, or punish them, it will make matters worse. If your pup is prone to this behavior, let everyone know that they should be ignored ’til everyone’s calmed down.

(source Bark Post)

Now you’re totally equipped to train a perfectly well-behaved pup! Remember that understanding behavior is a big part of making sure your dog is happy within your family.

Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/pup-tips/

#behavior #dog #dog-tips #dog-training #dogs #grace-eire #life #puppy-training #science #training #training-tips

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themomsandthecity · 7 years ago

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7 Signs You're Overparenting

Can you be "too good" of a parent? Reader Katherine W. says she's worried she has been overparenting or pampering her kids. "I tried to do the very best I could," she relays, "taking them to parks and interesting places every weekend, reading to them, working in their classrooms and every school event, supervising homework every night, helping with Girl Scouts, driving them to after-school activities, arranging play dates, making family dinners a priority, and on and on." However, Katherine recently noticed that her child's friend, whose parent was not as involved, has grown into a more confident and self-sufficient person. "Did all that effort even make any difference?" How do you know if you're turning into an overbearing parent? If, like Katherine, you're wondering if you should be less involved, here we've rounded up readers' advice on signs that you may be overparenting. 1. You Praise Profusely One of the tell-tale signs that you're being overbearing, instead of balanced, is when you notice yourself giving your child a profuse amount of praise. While children need encouragement, parents can go overboard, for instance, when they have an "unconscious, incessant need to praise and reward their kids," says a reader who calls herself "Chatty." She explains: "I think the only time extra praise is warranted is when children are very young; babies and young toddlers have to learn what is appropriate and what isn't, and praising them in an excitable manner when they master a new skill or act in an appropriate or desirable manner helps them to learn. But, if you're over the top and praise them every single time they do something, especially when it's repeatedly for the same thing they've already mastered and done 1,000 times, it's doing them a huge disservice." As an example, Chatty says when first potty training her daughter, she and her husband gave her lots of "high-fives" and "good jobs." But once her daughter mastered the toilet, she "opened a dialogue with her about how it made her feel to be able to go to the washroom on her own." 2. You Offer Too Many Material Rewards Similar to offering an abundance of praise, some parents spoil their children with too many material things. Stephanie Y. came to this realization when one year her 9-year-old son "clearly expressed his utter disappointment in his Christmas gifts. He explained that he didn't get what he really wanted and poo-pooed what he did get," she remembers. After unsuccessfully trying to impart a lesson about the spirit of Christmas, Stephanie realized she had been giving her children way too much. "I am the mom that would carry my kids' backpack for them, or buy the toy to bribe them to be good in the store! I needed to change, be more of a parent." Vowing that her children would never be ungrateful at Christmas again, she reduced the gifts her children were receiving all year round, and also reduced her children's candy consumption, so that they would learn to appreciate Halloween, too. Charlotte R. is another mom who believes "kids these days have way too many things. When I was growing up we had one phone for the whole house and we had to limit our time to share with everyone. We never got to just sit on the phone and call our friends all the time, because we had household chores to do and our homework and getting ready for school," she says. 3. You Have Low Expectations With the rigors of school and extracurricular activities, sometimes parents are hesitant to give their children too many responsibilities. But an ill-fated result of not expecting a lot from your children is that parents might do too much for their kids. Setting low expectations while assuming there will be big rewards is especially a common occurrence in school. 4. You Dole Out Few Responsibilities Setting expectations for your children includes holding them accountable for age-appropriate responsibilities, members add. From a very young age, Ellen B. says, "many kitchen tasks are fair game," and that kids are capable and often willing to bring their dishes to the sink when done, set the table, take the garbage out, and help cook. "And, yes," she adds, "teach them to clean up their messes." Once parents "get over the perception the only you can get things done on time, you will find training them is a time-saver." Increasing responsibilities and "doing less for them can give them the best possible chance" at becoming self-sufficient, independent adults, mom Ellen explains. "The more children learn to do tasks and make good decisions on their own, the better odds they have of living a productive life," she says. When you educate your children about their responsibilities, just be sure they understand that they're not being asked to do things because "'mommy is task master,' but rather [because] 'we live together, and share both the work and the pleasure of having our own home,'" Lisa R. notes. 5. You Repeat Yourself Frequently Once they assign responsibilities, overbearing parents often make the mistake of repeatedly telling children what to do. But parents are not raising robots that should follow every order, mom Angelique A. says. She admits she is sometimes guilty of this with her 14- and 15-year-olds and finds herself constantly telling her own children "to do this and that." She adds: "I mean when will it register that if you see something that needs to be done, just do it?" Still, Angelique knows she needs to lay off if she wants to raise responsible adults. "I was taught independence at a very young age. When I had to, I knew what to do when my parents were away." 6. You Help Without Being Asked Most parents would help their children at the drop of a hat, but several readers advise that parents would be wise to step back and wait to offer help until children ask for it. As a teacher, Pamela W. says she sees today's parents doing too much for their children when it's not necessary. "I see parents carrying their children's backpacks for them, etc., around the school campuses. I also see far more moms and dads who accompany their children into the classroom at the kindergarten level and spend time before the bell rings," she says. "It's hard not to helicopter," Shawnn L. admits. But as someone who works at a university, she doesn't support it: "It is extremely frustrating to watch [parents] be overbearing and [make choices] for adult freshman student[s]. It is extremely frustrating to speak to the student and have the parent answer. It is even more frustrating to watch a student make excellent choices with regards to his/her studies, only to see the parent undermine every choice because they either weren't involved enough, or didn't agree." Lucy L. summarizes: "Don't do something for your child that he or she is capable of doing for themselves." On the other hand, when parents let children make more decisions and help themselves, they often find that their children are more resourceful than they initially thought. Ann F., for instance, recently encouraged her children to sell their unwanted toys to make some money. "When I checked on them in the playroom, they had a whole pile of toys they wanted to sell and were in the process of lugging them out front." Ann's gut reaction was to stop them, but she had a second thought and asked what they wanted to do with the money they earned. "They said they wanted to donate it to an animal shelter or children's hospital. The whole situation reminded me that sometimes it really is best just to get out of their way, not be overbearing, and when they are making their own fun without any parental involvement, to just let them be," she says. As a reader who calls herself "Vegemite Cheese" says of parenting, "It's not always what you do for your kids but what you teach your kids to do for themselves." 7. You Try to Prevent All Mistakes Of course, when making their own decisions, children will make some mistakes, but Lisa B. says it's healthy to let mistakes happen in a safe environment. "Both my kids are extremely careful about touching hot objects and getting their little fingers caught in doors/drawers. That's because I've let them try it when they were 6 months old. As soon as they were able to open and close a drawer, I've allowed them to close it (not too strongly, though), on their own fingers," she says. "Rather than preventing them from doing something dangerous, I let them experience the consequences (provided it isn't health/life-threatening). They know what it's like to touch a hot drink. When they fall, they know they have to get up and dust themselves off, all on their own." As another example, Lisa adds that her son once had a bad habit of putting his fingers and toys in his mouth. "After reminding him several times that it was dirty, I waited to see what would happen. He caught a very painful mouth sore. But now he knows the consequences of putting dirty objects in his mouth," she says. Of course, she offers the caveat that she always tries to reinforce good behavior. Ultimately, moms and dads can avoid overparenting by being supportive of their children, but not being overinvolved, Circle of Moms members say. "There is such a thing as being too involved, too loving, too praising, too in-tune with what your kids are doing . . . just as the other extreme suggests an unhealthy relationship with kids (no affection, attention, encouragement, etc.). Balance really is the key component of all facets of humanity," Jamie B. says. "Being over-protective is an easy and common mistake that parents make," admits mom Riana F., noting she sometimes closes her eyes and says, "World please be gentle with this child of mine." But, she realizes, "The world will never be gentle, it will only ever be real, and if I try to protect my children from its challenges I will also be protecting them from its rewards." http://bit.ly/2vFyBfy

#Parenting

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