#exp. negatives

[everygame]

Well, I absolutely did not expect it to take an entire year from exp. 2600 to the next issue, but such is life, honestly. Either way I'm terrifically pleased to announce that exp. 2601 will be debuting this weekend as part of Spring Online Canzine 2024, Canada's premiere zine festival running April 13th to 21st. 

This issue covers the eleven games released for the Atari 2600 in 1978, with essays on Space Invaders and the year 1978 to provide context. Even if you're not particularly interested in the Atari 2600, I think there's a lot in here for anyone interested in video games and their history, so I hope you'll check it out.

As with the first issue, exp. 2601 is being published in a signed, numbered limited edition of 52 and I'm also making it available as a PDF and ebook for people who don't want a little object, but still want something to read on an iPad or a Kindle with a bit more focus than they'd give to a webpage.

I am opening pre-orders here today, in advance of Canzine, so I can announce the issue with enough time to ensure subscribers know about it and are aware that they automatically receive 35% off in our ko-fi shop (including on new issues.) It's just $1 per month to become a subscriber, and you'll also get new articles a week early (as well as regular exclusive articles.) Physical copies will be sent out in the last week of April, with digital copies arriving as soon as Canzine begins.

In addition, and not to bury the lede here, for the first time since 2020 my ebook collecting the best of the original run of exp., exp. negatives, is also available for pre-order today, and will be on sale during, and only during, Spring Online Canzine 2024 (to reiterate: April 13th-21st).

If you don't have any of my available digital publications (exp. 2600, 2601, and negatives) I have also made a bundle of all three available for pre-order with a $2 discount for all (and if you're a subscriber, that stacks with your discount!)

I'd like to thank everyone reading this for their support across the years and let you know that there are more exciting things in the pipeline for exp. this year. Did you know it's been ten years since I started Every Game I've Finished? That fact might become important...

[starrynyxa]

i think i know what ur talking about? and yea, its so fucking obvious its him. your basically calling her a liar atp if u deny it. we need to kill that guy and his mid band

the way that there’s THREE OTHER PEOPLE who are KNOWN ASSOCIATES of his saying that he bites and yet fans are still like “erm I support him still, let’s not speculate” ???????? HELLO?

[clowncloud]

i feel like to an extent and ofc there are exceptions but growing up in an all female household and only attending all girls' schools prior to university like a lot of the negative stereotypes about how men treat women are actually very not exclusive to male - female interactions but like myb thts just my unique xp eh

[yumaelove]

doing calc homework and all i can think about is grinding jades to get e1 the herta

[nameless-network]

if the damage calculation in future pokemon games is as fucking shit as legends arceus' im killing myself

[spittingstar]

fdbm

[shark--apologist]

Funny how I've been in so many friends groups where its all abt love and acceptance and inclucivity, but they shit on you and dump you to the side of the road the moment you show any negative/weird symptoms of mental illnesses

But it's the most racist/homophobic sounding MFers that are the ones who actually stick by you

Note: key word: Sounding. They're all PoC (I'm literally the only white person), varying degrees of mentally ill, autistic/adhd, and LGBT+ but they call each other all fucking slurs under the sun and tell each other to off themselves

But they're the most tight knit group of ppl I've seen.

[killuaisaprincess]

q poskets can trade! 🥺

[a-d-nox]

astro hypothesis: how your appearance changes

using your asc persona chart you can find out how your appearance will change (or has changed). there are four things i personally would look at when it comes to change: pluto (this change is like a finalized change - when it happens thats it, that's how it is rather permanently), saturn (change that would happen as time passes (aging)), uranus (sudden change or how something evolves with time (kind of like trends you adhere to)), and the 8h (how you transform - what you transform into).

paid reading options: astrology menu & cartomancy menu

enjoy my work? help me continue creating by tipping on ko-fi or paypal. your support keeps the magic alive!

saturn

10h saturn: often these people age more gracefully than most. or they could look more attractive as they age (aging like "fine wine"). they tend to look more mature than their peers no matter what age, but as they grow older, they have a strong energy which causes others to look to them for answers. as they get older, they tend to prefer classic and conservative clothes - that makes them look very professional. as the baby fat goes away the cheekbones and jawline come out to play! they get more chiseled (bone-wise) with age. they also appear to have a great health routine that keeps them sharp (diet, exercise, skin care routine, etc). lines and wrinkles are real with this placement - "keep making those faces and they'll stick" is true for this person because they do tend to furrow their brow or something of the sort that cases lines.

saturn positively aspecting sun: creative yet refined. they may develop a more sophisticated and polished appearance. they might be drawn to timeless, elegant fashion choices that convey a sense of maturity and grace, blending classic styles with a creative touch. they have a confident maturity in how they present themselves. they have a more authoritative or composed demeanor, which gives them a look that commands respect without being overly stern. they might be more meticulous about their appearance with this placement (lint rollers, no loose strings, etc). otherwise meaning they could pay extra attention to grooming, how clothing fits, and overall presentation, ensuring that everything is well put together and thoughtfully considered. there’s often an acceptance of the aging process with this placement. they tend to embrace a natural/graceful aging process; they aren't fighting against the signs of age.

saturn negatively aspecting uranus: lead to a push-pull dynamic in their appearance, where they alternate between more conventional looks and bold, unconventional styles. they might experiment with their appearance in ways that break from their usual habits, only to later revert to something more conservative. they might feel prompted to make abrupt changes to their appearance - like a drastic haircut, a new fashion style, or even experimenting with tattoos/piercings. these changes might come on impulsively. there might be tension between wanting to fit in and wanting to stand out. which might lead to an appearance that blends both traditional and avant-garde elements. they might adopt a classic wardrobe but accessorize with bold, statement pieces. this aspect could lead to stress, which might impact their appearance. they could experience issues like changes in their skin, weight fluctuations, or have a generally more tense/restless demeanor. either they will have a modern twist on classic styles or a more refined approach to edgy fashion.

saturn negatively aspecting asc: these people might adopt a more serious or reserved look. this could involve dressing more conservatively, choosing muted colors, or adopting a more professional style to reflect a sense of responsibility or authority. saturn’s influence can oftentimes lead to a more toned or slimmed-down appearance due to its association with restriction. they might find themselves more focused on physical fitness or, conversely, they might experience challenges related to their physical body, such as feeling more self-conscious or critical of their appearance. again this placement could mean developing fine lines, gray hairs, or other signs of aging, or it could simply mean adopting a style that feels more appropriate for their current stage of life (you won't find someone with this placement in their 30s wear jeans that are distressed for example). they might notice a sharpening or more defined look to their facial features, such as prominent cheekbones or a more angular jawline. their sense of burden or stress can often be reflected in their appearance. this might manifest as looking more tired or worn, or simply carrying themselves with a heavier demeanor.

uranus

6h uranus: they might frequently change they style or fashion choices on a whim (they are very susceptible to trends - especially with exercise and diet). they might frequently experiment with new looks, hairstyles, or clothing. they are drawn to unique or non-traditional styles that set them apart from the norm. unexpected changes related to health / wellness routines might impact their appearance. that being said adopting a new fitness regimes or dietary habits could result in sudden physical transformations (for example, they could go sugar free and suddenly see a lot of differences in their skin). their approach to grooming / personal care might be erratic or unconventional (for example, they might grow underarm hair and suddenly turn to waxing). they could go through phases of extreme minimalism or elaborate grooming routines.

uranus positively aspecting mars: they might develop an edgy, bold, and uniquely theirs type of appearance. they could be drawn to fashion choices that are innovative, slightly ahead of the curve, or even "futuristic". they sense a trend before others do. they come to have a vibrant, dynamic presence that others notice. their appearance might exude a sense of vitality and excitement - they often use bright colors, bold patterns, or statement accessories that convey their energetic nature. they are more willing to experiment with their physical appearance as well. they could be drawn to trying out new hairstyles, bold makeup looks, etc. their approach to their appearance may be highly individualistic and creatively inspired - its truly theirs. there are subtle but impactful changes in their appearance. they might make small tweaks to their appearance that have a big effect, such as altering their grooming routine, trying out new workout regimens, or gradually refining their style in ways that enhance their overall look. they are more comfortable expressing their individuality through their appearance they really any other placement. they embrace their "quirks" and standing out in a way that feels both authentic and empowered. they might be drawn to a more athletic or streamlined looks given mars. this could manifest as clothing that is both functional and stylish.

uranus negatively aspecting asc: they might feel a strong urge to drastically change their appearance, often in unexpected ways. this could mean experimenting with bold new fashion choices, trying out unconventional hairstyles (that doesn't usually work for them - no hate), or adopting a completely new look that breaks from their past style. they may choose to reject traditional or societal norms in favor of a more unique, individualistic appearance OR they could be conformist and dislike standing out. their appearance is often dynamic and ever-changing. it is likely difficult for them to stick to one style or look for too long (they have to continually rotate their closet). their appearance might either naturally draw attention, whether intentional or not, or they might blend in to the point of disappearing. this could be due to the boldness of their choices or the sheer unpredictability of their style. they are someone who is constantly evolving and never quite the same. they have a strong sense of personal freedom in how they express themselves usually it is apparent in through how they appear.

pluto

4h pluto: often the realization of who they are and who they are connected to triggered their change in appearance. it's often in the eyes, one day they can be happy with a twinkle in their eye then the next its like the light has gone out. they have seen some sh!t and it shows. their resilience and strength radiates right off of them. while they typically look unchanged since youth their aura changes and others sense the change and often feel drawn to them. they could also go from a colorful wardrobe to a dark and edgy one - it's very obvious when they start buying their own clothes and their parents stop doing so. they could also have scars (physical or mental) that date back to childhood that have changed their appearance.

pluto negatively aspecting sun: they might go through a period of intense personal change, which could lead them to alter their appearance to reflect their new sense of self. this could manifest as a dramatic change in style, grooming habits, and/or physical fitness. they might adopt a more powerful or assertive appearance—perhaps choosing darker colors, more dramatic makeup, and/or a bolder fashion style. they might seek to control their appearance in a more meticulous manner, perhaps becoming more concerned with how they are perceived and making deliberate changes to project strength and/or confidence than they feel. stress or emotional upheaval associated with these aspects could potentially affect their physical appearance (they might experience changes in weight, skin, and/or hair due to the emotional intensity of this placement).

pluto positively aspecting mercury: people might see them as more mysterious or profound. these aspects can enhance their ability to uncover hidden truths and understand complex subjects through their powerful abilities to perceive, which might give them a more intense or focused demeanor. they might undergo a transformation in how they think or speak, which could lead to a shift in their overall presence. this might not change their physical appearance but can alter how others perceive them.

pluto positively aspecting venus: they may exude a more powerful, magnetic charm. people could be drawn to them more intensely, perceiving them as mysterious and alluring. they may feel a stronger desire to refine their style, perhaps opting for more sophistication, elegance, or even slightly provocative clothing that reflects a deeper part of their personality. this aspect can inspire them to make changes to their physical appearance, such as trying a new hairstyle, makeup look, and/or even undergoing a more significant transformation like a new fitness regimen. the changes they make are likely to enhance their attractiveness in a way that feels natural and empowering. as their inner confidence grows due to the harmonious energy of a positive aspect, it may naturally reflect in how they carry themselves, making them appear more self-assured and poised.

8h

8h pisces: their eyes/vision maybe change dramatically over time. they appear deep, reflective, or distant. their face gets softer, more rounded - which can give the face a gentle, compassionate appearance. this softness can also manifest in terms of their skin (it can be smooth or delicate in texture). they seem to glide rather than walking, even in old age they tend to move smoothly (not to be morbid but like a ghost). they also give off a subtle magnetism that draws people in over time. this attraction is not necessarily overt rather it is more of a quiet, mysterious allure that makes people want to know more about them.

8h ruler in the 6h: they may experience changes in their appearance through their daily routines. this could include adopting new health and/or fitness regimes that significantly alter their physical body over time, such as weight loss, muscle gain, and/or improved skin condition due to better nutrition or skincare practices. it can obviously go the other way if they aren't making the effort to improve their routines. there’s a strong focus on health. they might become more conscious of how their lifestyle affects their appearance; leading to changes in diet, exercise, and/or sleep habits. this placement can make them more disciplined about maintaining their health, which in turn enhances their physical appearance. this could make a person dedicated or even obsessive with their focus on self-care routines. they might engage in regular detoxes, intensive skincare routines, and/or other practices aimed at regenerating or improving their physical appearance. on the other hand, their appearance might be influenced by their professional environment. this could mean adopting a more polished or practical look that fits their job’s requirements. alternatively, stress or demands from work could impact their appearance, perhaps leading to noticeable changes like dark circles, weight fluctuation (from low activity at a desk job OR cortisol level), and/or tension lines. they might adopt an appearance that is understated yet intriguing, or perhaps there’s something about their look that others find compelling or enigmatic, even if they maintain a relatively simple style. they are equally likely to go through phases of transformation where their appearance changes significantly - perhaps after overcoming a health issue and/or making a major lifestyle change.

8h ruler in the 10h: their appearance could become more refined, serious, or polished to convey a sense of strength and professionalism, especially in a career context. they may experience significant changes in their public persona and appearance over time. this could involve a complete makeover or a shift in style to reflect changes in their career/public role. they might reinvent their look to align with a new phase in their professional life. they might be drawn to darker, more sophisticated clothing, or they could develop a look that is intriguing and slightly enigmatic, which draws people’s attention in professional and public settings. their career might demand a certain level of formality and/or authority in their appearance. they may consciously cultivate a look that commands respect and reflects their ambitions. this could include dressing in a way that aligns with their professional goals, such as adopting a more corporate, polished, and/or tailored style. the way they look could become a key part of how they are known publicly. they might carefully curate their appearance to ensure it aligns with the image they wish to project professionally. this could involve regular updates to their style to stay relevant or to reflect changes in their career trajectory.

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© a-d-nox 2024 all rights reserved

[toskarin]

the way that the joke there is obviously baldur's gate being a dating sim, while in reality bg3 is closer mechanically to being one than genshin by a not-insignificant margin lmao

Wanna get irritated over something minor?

Look at Tumblr's Year in Review for video games

I saw the ranked list first and was like "oh okay, yeah, genshin has a pretty big fandom so that's not surprising at all. very prolific fan scene" and then looked up and saw the caption. oh god.

[bamsara]

I'll ask, if it hasn't been already - regarding the tags on the fanfic poll:

What kinda things make you click out/give you the squick? I'm so curious 👀

rubs my hands together: could be a mix of things anywhere between character dynamics, personalities or even how the fic is formated

Btw for people who don't know what squicks are: 'Squicks' are just personal preferences that someone doesn't like. Nothing wrong with em it's just not your vibe. (Exp: Like how all my friends HATE tomatoes but I am tomato eater forever)

anyway long ramble list:

Can't read big blocks of text without breaks very well, and I dislike when characters (esp main characters that are talking in every chapter/scene) have bolded or italicized dialogue. I think it's fine for special reoccurring characters but it genuinely messes up with reading flow for me when it comes to taking in information if used too much

If I'm reading a fic specifically for a monogamous romantic paring, I don't care for the 'past lover interest reappears' trope or one of them currently has one, or the love triangle that results in one of them being like 'oh but i love them both i can't possibly choose!' *cough twilight cough* it just makes the relationship feel disgenuine and icky. zero stars. Any mention of a character's past relationship usually makes me just click out, just personally not here for that

-^^^ to go with this, big fan of the 'misunderstanding where someone thinks there's a love rivelry but the third person never had a chance.' Like to the main pairing there's only eyes for each other and that's all they care about, there's just some third person who's there and causing problems (either because someone in the pairing is jealous of the third person thinking they're gonna steal the other when it's not, or the third person thinks they're a love rival when in reality they're not even thought about) *cough Tyren cough*. I think there's a lotta comedy to have with this. Bonus points if it brings main pairing closer together

When characters have linear character development and recovery. I prefer my characters to realistically relapse and bit a little bit of a hypocrite as they develop from start of story to end. Failing and falling short and again makes the final result much more satisfying when they're healing

When characters use 'therapy speak' or otherwise react perfectly 'acceptable' to stressful situations. Again, I prefer realistic depictions of characters under stress, and work out becoming better under that stress rather than just One Big Thing Happen and suddenly they're never going to react negatively or lash out again because another character told them It Was Bad and To find Better Coping Mechanisms.

Unhappy endings. (Or open ended ones) Sorry for hurt/no comfort lovers but none of my fics will have unhappy endings. I like my stories to have people that go through absolute hell and still come out on the otherside

The ace in me doesn't care for fics where physical attraction is a large part of the ingredients that gets the pairing together. Not saying they can't admire each other when the sunlight hits them or wearing a nice outfit but just not a fan of reading about how 'sexy' a character is to another. Probably why I usually blast all my characters with the aspec beam

That's all I can think of off the top of my head but if someone had a more specific question I might be able to answer

[3liza]

I agree that the pushback against White Woman Paranoia About Men is warranted but

I also see a lot of posts by men and people who situationally may never experience this, about how being wary of men as a class is delusional due to the actual crime statistics being basically negligible compared to, for example, being hit by a car or getting into a car accident. and what this kind of post doesn't acknowledge is that there are lot of ways to have an exceptionally bad experience caused by strange men in public that have nothing to do with anything that is classified as criminal, bodily harm, and specifically any behavior that would actually be worthwhile to report, making it unknown to the statistics. the guy who followed me for two blocks one night and then brushed by my back and said "don't fall" very pointedly as I was standing on a freeway overpass wasn't doing anything illegal and certainly nothing any cop would do anything about if I "reported" it (lmao) but yeah that is an unpleasant experience I remember vividly and would like to avoid in future. one example of many, obviously, I'm not making a whole post about a single experience

it is absolutely the case that the only rapes and most of the physical assaults I've experienced have been from men known to me socially or intimately, but until I got a large dog, going outside was about 60% likely to involve being harassed. which is a lot more than I have been hit by cars (zero times)

being harassed is extremely unpleasant regardless of its likelihood to progress to physical assault. sometimes it can be so unpleasant it affects our daily lives, and a single incident of harassment can impact a person's mental health. the expectation of ongoing harassment does this moreso, it creates a continual expectation of being pursued, questioned, and then having to deal with someone getting angry at you when you don't accede to their demands. in any context this is unpleasant. people who do not experience sexual harassment in their daily lives may be able to empathize with this experience if they were ever bullied as children. people chasing you around, calling you names, creating unpleasant confrontations for no reason, and then the next day you have to get up and go do it again. people change schools, quit jobs and move out of shared living situations to avoid this kind of stress, it's reasonable to develop an aversion to it. it's reasonable to develop reactivity and hypervigilance as well. verbal and social harassment without any physical assault is more than enough to cause a trauma response.

it's also just inconvenient. even if you are not menaced or belittled or traumatized by an episode of harassment, having to Manage a Harassment Situation in the grocery store or post office when you're just trying to get an errand done is a massive waste of time. a lot of women have to plan for extra time during errands or travel to account for getting out of situations like that.

a LOT of the paranoia about men from women that you can read everywhere in the culture is based not in a fear of getting physically harmed or killed, but simply avoiding more harassment.

I think a lot of women have defaulted to explaining this desire to avoid men and avoid being alone with men, or explaining their suspicion of men, as fear of physical harm, because that's the only way people who don't get harassed are able to take it seriously. but it's completely reasonable to want to avoid being annoyed, bothered, harassed, questioned, inconvenienced, interrupted, or to have someone just be rude to you, completely apart from the actual percentage likelihood that they are a serial killer. even the act of telling these men politely that you can't talk right now, aren't interested, have to go, have a boyfriend, whatever, is annoying and often escalates into a confrontation or to the man being angry at you or insulting you. we can agree that getting into a verbal argument for no reason on the street is a negative experience. it can be annoying and unsettling without being a threat to life and limb. and no this isn't a "i have bad social skills and can't handle normal human interactions" thing, it's not a social interaction required by common decency or manners or basic function, it's someone putting you into a bad situation for no reason and then getting mad at you when you decline to entertain them. the harassers are the ones being rude. it is a violation of the social contract to catcall someone. it's just annoying and I want to avoid it. most women want to avoid it, and behave accordingly.

no terfs on this post. everything I just said about being bothered by strangers applies double (at least) to the experiences of most trans women

women aren't the only people who get harassed by strangers either, but it is overwhelmingly an issue experienced by women, and people who are perceived as feminine or as women.

it's also not just men who do the harassing, but again, it is overwhelmingly men who are doing it.

some women experience no harassment or very little of this harassment and won't identify with this post. that's true and real, but doesn't make it not true that a very very large percentage of women, maybe even most women, have experienced this. no experience is universal

[cokou]

hello dear cokou! could you possible write a Law/strawhat!reader during their time at punk hazard. Law gravitates towards them since they aren’t as rowdy as the rest of the crew. i’m sorry if i didn’t articulate myself well, english isnt my first language.

Note ✉* ~ I LOVEE THIS REQUEST ANON, thank you so so much for requesting♥️ Also most of this contains some spoilers and non-spoils lelll! || Do not translate, transfer, or reform, this is my only account (exp. Ao3), will not be cross posted anywhere. || 𖤐٭┆Masterlist

Summary* ~ Law thinks you're less of a nuisance to be a Strawhat. Warnings* ~ SPOILERS FOR PUNK HAZARD! Shit writing || Genre* ~ SFW

ᶜᵃʳᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ˢᵒᵐᵉ ᵐᵘˢᶦᶜ, ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ?

It surely was one of the most unsurprising things your Captain's ever done. Without anyone's opinion at all, HE decided that Trafalgar, will set up an alliance with your crew. WITHOUT asking for negative reactions at all, of course it's a typical thing that usually happens all the time by the pirate crew.

Law implies that he would be helping around with the Straw Hats in order to complete his far goal. Not even an hour in with Luffy and the other Straw Hats, he already grew veins on his forehead that were about to pop from the annoyance he received from all of their bullshits.

Zoro and Sanji kept fighting, Nami was beating Luffy up, and Franky kept screaming 'super' while everyone was in the middle of a fight. Not even Robin could comprehend with whatever was happening, it was all so noisy for the love of God. The snow was was violently raining upon you guys and your coat was starting to not help at all. You distance yourself apart from everyone to get away from their abominations.

Law follows right behind you, slowly catching up with you.

"Are they always like this?" Law asks.

"They have always been, sorry about their stupid behaviours." You sigh whilst looking back to see how the fight was going, it was toning down, yet it was still loud.

"All i'm gonna ask is how you comprehend yourself with them all the time."

"I usually isolate myself from them when a fight breaks out, which is every single day. It's been a constant routine for me." You give him a laugh.

Law frowns at the thought of bearing with them every single day and shook his head in disapprovement. You two ended up eating the time avoiding the fight in utter silence, sometimes offering questions to each other to lessen the boredom and awkwardness of the time being.

The fight stops (suprisingly) after a huge snowball got flung onto them and crushing them like pancakes.

"Where did that snowball come from?!" You shrieked.

"Don't tell them it was me." Law smiles and you two laughed your asses about it.

Ever since then Law pretty much gravitates towards you whenever you all are about to go somewhere, it's not because he likes you (he does), it's simply because you're much more chiller and less loud than everyone from the crew. You had sticked with Law as he gives you the peace that you surely deserve.

Course— not everything simply comes to a happy ending, the Navy reaches Punk Hazard. Law was more than able to meet them as he exited Caesar's lab, he picked up a fight with Vice Admiral Smoker and managed to take his heart and exchange it with their captain, Tashigi. Afterwards, he left and met you, and the straw hats once again.

Law darts towards you, completely dodging Luffy's handshake, making Luffy feel dismay.

"I don't think attacking them was a good idea."

"Would you rather die than fight the navy?" Law skeptically asked.

"No way!" You chuckle.

Towards the whole day, you spent time looking at unfamiliar things that you havent seen before. You found an ice-like flower (no its not in one piece😢), and suprisingly found out that it was used to make a certain medicine, said Law. On the way to the mountains, Law and you, got into some 'little' chatters thinking that everyone was following.

"Where are they?!" You yelped.

"Maybe they got lost." Law sighs.

Correction, BOTH of you got lost. You two retraced your steps but was disappointed as the heavy snowfall refrained you two from going back to the same direction as the last time. You two were led into the big crater parting the burning lands and the ice lands.

"OOI! (Name)! Tra-guy!" Luffy waved at the opposite side of the crater.

"Luffy?? how did you guys get there?!" You screamed.

"We swam the crater!" Another correction, Zoro and Sanji swam them into the other side.

Law grabs your clothes and walked backwards to the direction you came from.

"I really don't wanna spend time with those idiots."

"You allied with us so you have to."

Law thinks so carefully that he thought an alliance with the straw hats would be a great idea, although it gave him lots of stress more, he'd be grateful someone with the same humor and interest with him was on the ship nonetheless. Because, he won't be able to take the stupid personalities of the men aboard of the straw hats. He's atleast happy that he gets to experience 99% of there stupidity with you. (You two aren't happy anymore)

Author's note ✉* ~ I really brainstormed on what to write here, I haven't reached rhis part of Punk Hazard yet😭😭 I can say this request was hard to make but i will 100% do all requests for my dear supporters! Love yall :'D.

©Cokou 2024, all works belong to me.

[merrybloomwrites]

HS4 at Midnight?

Summary: Harry's performance with Stevie Nicks has his fans wondering if HS4 will be announced soon. Little do they know that you and Harry have other exciting news to share.

Word Count: 770

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When Harry steps out wearing his suit, you get hit with a wave of nostalgia. It’s been nearly a year since he’s last been on stage, and what a year it’s been. So much has happened in your lives, and miraculously, Harry’s fans still haven’t figured it out. 

They’ll know soon, though. But the secret is safe for a little bit longer.

“Can you help with the pin?” He asks, and you quickly straighten the bird he’s wearing in honor of Christine. 

“How are you feeling?” you ask.

“Excited. And nervous. I always love singing with Stevie. But it’s been so long, and I just know my fans are gonna go crazy. It’s been so calm lately,” he answers.

“I know, I love our little bubble too. But I really think it’s the time to pop it, don’t you agree?”

“You’re right, as always,” he says and presses a kiss to your lips. 

After another few minutes you leave Harry’s side so he can head backstage. You join Gemma and the rest of Harry’s friends who are there to watch. 

When he comes onstage you stick close to his sister. You’ve become so close, especially lately, and you’re truly both a bit emotional watching Harry sing with one of his idols. Neither of you do a great job holding in the tears of overwhelming pride seeing him up on that stage.

After the show is over you and Harry head back home, choosing to ignore social media for the moment. But you can’t help checking the next day, and one thing in particular catches your eye.

“They’ve all got a theory,” you say to him, providing no context.

“Who?”

“Your fans. They seem to have noticed a pattern.”

“Ah, and what would that be?”

“That you always do a performance like this and then announce a new album right after. So far I’ve seen about twenty people saying ‘HS4 at midnight?’”

Harry laughs and replies, “Oh they have no idea what’s about to go down.”

You’re about to respond when a sound distracts you, pulling you away from the conversation. 

A few more days pass and you walk into the living room to see Harry on his phone, giggling and typing.

“What are you doing?” you ask. He doesn’t answer, just turns his phone to you so you can see what he’s up to. He’s on instagram, making a story to post to his main account. It’s just a black screen with the eyes emoji and the word “tomorrow”.

“Oh you are so mean,” you say, laughing right along with him. 

“It’s fun to tease them, just a little bit. And see all their theories. I wonder if anyone will guess right.”

“A couple might. I mean, most will guess new album but there will definitely be some who think differently.”

“We’ll know soon,” he says as he officially posts his story. The views come a second later, and within minutes people are posting all over the internet, excited to finally hear from Harry after a year away.

The two of you spend time that evening crafting the announcement post, choosing just the right pictures and caption. You hope that people won’t be disappointed, but try not to think about the potential negative responses. Rather, you and Harry focus on the excitement you know will come.

The next morning, after a quiet family breakfast, Harry looks over the post one last time before sharing it with the world. 

Under a series of photos of your beautiful family, all posed just right to hide your newborn daughter's face, is the caption “Baby Styles. Out now. This past year has been the most exciting time in my life. Becoming a father has been a truly wonderful experience. To my wife, thank you, thank you, thank you, for this gift. I am so impressed by you, so proud of the mum that you are, and I cannot wait for us to watch this little girl grow up together.”

For the rest of the day, you and Harry keep an eye on the comments while taking care of your two month old. As expected, some people are disappointed by the lack of new music, but the response is overwhelmingly positive. Everyone is excited that Harry is officially a girl dad, and the word ‘congratulations’ is written so many times it starts to look fake. 

That evening, you settle in for your favorite concert of all time. This one happens every night, and it’s just for you and your little one. As Harry croons to your daughter, you grow impossibly more fond of this man.

[bottlehawk]

hs kids' first day on the earth c minecraft survival server

jake: starts digging straight down as soon as he spawns. keeps digging. keeps digging. keeps digging. no one ever sees him again

jane: enters ready to get everyone organized. half the server immediately runs off doing their own thing. stops the remaining crew before they wander off so they can start building a base before it turns to night. gives everyone roles and then has to go afk because she was on her lunch break and is actually playing minecraft on her company computer. comes back hours later and finds the entire server on fire.

karkat: gets a stone hoe and some wheat seeds thrown at him and is told to set up a wheat farm. nods even though he's never played minecraft before and doesn't know how. clicks the ground with the hoe and it seems to do something so he does that for a while. dave comes over and asks him why he's been just plowing the ground in one really long straight line. tells him to fuck off so he does. wishes he hadn't when he realizes he could've asked him for help. figures out that if you click on the ground with the seed it plants it and decides he's actually a minecraft genius and doesn't need anybody's help at all. dusts his hands off proud of the work he's done and then goes to try to find kanaya.

kanaya: is given a stone axe and is told to chop down some wood for the houses. does and gives roxy some stacks and goes to chop down some more wood because she honestly finds it kind of therapeutic. ends up clearing an entire mountain. night comes and mobs start sprouting up and she chops them down too. is surrounded by fields of floating rotten flesh and bones and cursed armor when suddenly she sees flames in the distance near the base. starts marching down there with the grim resolution of an executioner, ready to now start chopping some necks.

terezi: learns how to craft a flint and steel and discovers the magic of fire. laughs maniacally as she starts burning cows she runs into and laughs even more when she discovers they drop cooked meat. wants to find more things to burn. finds a raider's base and the sound of the wood torching up into flames does something to her and she starts setting fire to the entire forest. stumbles across the base. sets fire to one of the buildings. karkat comes over and yells and asks what the fuck she's doing. sets karkat on fire. laughs as she watches him run in circles not knowing how to stop the flames. suddenly gets murked by kanaya who's sneaked up behind her, and continues being hunted down by her as she respawns for the rest of the night.

jade: wanders off and finds a cute little village. decides that she's adopting it now. places some flowers she's picked along the way around to make it look nice and pretty. tames and places some cats around the perimeter and puts some torches nearby to keep away mobs. builds a water fountain in the middle of the town square. waves goodbye to go find some wolves to tame and promises that she'll be back.

dave: builds elaborately detailed dirt penises all over the farm while karkat works and negs him. karkat tells him to fuck off and go do something useful. fucks off accordingly and finds jade's village. raids everything from the chests and all the crops. puts dirt dicks all over the place. kills the cats for string and free exp. kills some sheep and creates beds and pushes some of the villagers inside a shitty little acacia building he made with a sign on it saying "breeding pen". throws some potatoes at them and then blocks up the entrance. turns around and immediately gets blown up by a creeper.

calliope: is the only one given op privileges as she is the only one that everyone can trust to have it. decides she wants to build a big cool glass castle in the sky. has just finished building the base when jade types in chat that whoever destroyed her village is going to pay. types "oh no!!!" in the chat. gets a dm from dave asking her for sanctuary because jade is going to KILL him. remembers that he's made NFTs. sends jade screenshots of the exact incriminating parts in the server log and happily continues building her castle.

rose: has debug screen turned on. immediately crafts several stone axes. runs off to the nearby desert and finds a desert temple and raids it, crafting an iron bucket. fills it with water and goes to a lava pool and builds a nether portal. enters the nether. speed bridges over to a nether fortress and makes a wither skeleton farm and proceeds to grind for ~3-4 hours. collects enough wither skulls. readies her bow and summons the wither and starts using its detonating blasts to mine down for ancient debris.

roxy: tried to convince everybody at the beginning to download 727378282 mods to make the server "more FUN!!". was unsuccessful. gets told to make some houses and beds for the base so she does. looks for other things to do and finds karkat's wheat farm and is flabbergasted. why is it in one long straight line. there isn't even any water. where is the water? tells john to go get her some redstone while she fixes it up so she can automate it.

john: not sure what to do. roxy tells him to start mining for redstone ("its red and shiny lol you wont have to dig that far"). digs straight down into a cave. realizes he forgot to get wood but decides to go on anyway. uses up all his stone pickaxes mining copper because he doesn't know what it is and it looks cool. hits a slime and it divides into more slimes and he freaks out and runs away with two hearts. keeps running and finds a door in the side of the cave wall. opens it. wanders around in a cool maze and then enters a weird room with some yellow and green chest like boxes. suddenly gets attacked by a little bug making a screechy sound and panics and dies.

dirk: rounds up some animals into pens for the base and then busts out a boat and a fishing pole to try to get them a book of mending. is chilling in the middle of the ocean and then sees that dave gets blown up by a creeper in chat. asks if he's okay and if he needs someone to come over. sees that karkat got killed by terezi. sees that terezi got killed by kanaya. asks what is going on. is now rowing back towards base. jade types that her village has been destroyed. jane has logged on and is asking why the entire base is on fire. is crafting buckets and filling them with water. sees that rose got an achievement for summoning the wither. texts her "Dude did you just summon the Wither???". rose ominously replies "I've got it handled." sees john got killed by a silverfish and roxy asking when the hell john found the stronghold. jake gets a cheating death with a totem of undying achievement. proceeds to have a total aneurysm.

[breakyourrxles]

❥between two breaths (m) | 𝟡

𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞

↳ The surprises keep coming, and after a barely-survived stint at Idol Radio and an unexpected confession from a bandmate; you become a little bit more willing to take on some risks of your own.

kim sunwoo x fem!reader (side lee juyeon x reader) — idol!sunwoo, fan/trainee!reader. forced proximity, forbidden love, friends to lovers, angst, slow burn, idolverse-typical themes regarding; dating, image, public perception, etc. happy ending, plot-heavy!! reader thinks she's nonchalant about it but she rly isn't. smut. [7,2k wc ongoing] cws: heavy themes of wanting-but-can't-having, mild jealousy, explicit sexual content, a little alcohol consumption, dancing on the edge of career suicide, poor decision making because of The Wanting.

❥ masterlist | ao3

"Arguably, that's precisely why we need more private time." Sunwoo grins and then says, "If it's going to keep happening, then it should most definitely be more private."

The door shuts behind you and with a blank stare you say, "This is a really bad idea."

Your manager looks up from the open laptop in front of him, and as if somewhat anticipating the pushback, he sighs heavily and asks, "And why is that?"

"It wasn't that long ago that we had a meeting where we discussed how the company wouldn't even let us be in the same room in front of cameras, now all of a sudden I'm going on his radio show?" Plopping down into a seat, you slump down into it like all of the life is slowly draining from your form. Not far from the truth. "What changed? It doesn't make any sense."

"Welcome to idol life, the company is going to make a lot of changes and decisions that don't make any sense to you. They don't have to. It isn't your job to make sense of them, it's your job to show up and do what you're instructed to do with a smile on your face and little fuss about it."

"So, that's it? Just shut up and let the pieces fall where they may?" you ask.

He pulls his glasses off from his face and sets them on the table, rubs his eyes with the pads of his fingers and says, "I don't want us to have a tumultuous relationship with one another, but there isn't much I can do about it. We are all taking orders from the top, myself included."

There is silence that follows thereafter, and though you understand where he is coming from, the unknown of what is soon to come does not sit atop you without its weight. He must not feel contented by the outcome of this either, because after only a short amount of time passed he speaks up again.

"It's going to generate activity. People who are aware of your history together are going to be tuned in to watch because they're curious about how it's going to look between you now. They want to find something, they want to see something; and if they can't, then they'll probably just make something up. Depending on how this goes the company will then make a decision about how the two of you will be managed as a unit in public going forward."

"Ah." You nod once, a sarcastic acceptance of the plan as it is paid out before you. "If the court of public opinion doesn't go ahead and lambast me online for something that I may or may not even do, then there's going to be more where this came from."

"Essentially, yes." He puts his glasses back on, turns his attention back to the computer and says, "So, let's do our best to minimize negative perception as much as we can. Who knows? Maybe the people will love you together."

You severely doubt that.

Jubi is a powerful vocalist and Nara is firm and outspoken in ways that tend to be divisive. Between the incredible raw talent and a tough temperament, the conversations of the evening tend to have little to do with you. All according to plan, and you're perfectly happy to sit back and bide your time as the minutes of recording tick down toward your freedom.

Watching Sunwoo work like this is fascinating. His idol persona feels like it is an extension of himself but turned up to eleven. Everything is explosive reactions and playful flirting with fans through the large window that looks out over the street. There are so many people outside—people here to see MVNE and Sunwoo alike—and while they appear to be pleased with the way the event is turning out, there is nothing to say that the conversations surrounding it online are anything close to the same peaceful understanding.

You try not to think about it. You watch Jubi and Nara hold their own with little input from you, but you cannot simply sit back in silence and bring nothing to the table. Doing so reeks of some air of guilt; a woman with something shameful to hide, regardless of the nasty truth behind that perception.

Nearing the end of questioning, Sunwoo's attention turns to you. There's a glimmer of something in his eye that you know to be troublesome. Surely, he is smart enough not to invent problems where there doesn't need to be any… Right?

"How does it feel? Being on the other side of idol and fan culture?"

Truth be told, you are not prepared to discuss this topic in any facet whatsoever.

But you cannot react. You are not afforded the luxury of expressing any feelings of discomfort or awkwardness in relation to this question. Everything is an act and playing it cool is of the utmost importance in all situations they may happen to fall upon you. Inside, you are screaming. You want to leap across the room and rip Sunwoo into a headlock, threatening to murder him in front of all of his precious onlookers and really give them something to post about once they get home.

Instead? You smile and cock your head to the side cutely.

"Well, it's different, of course. I would say it's impossible to anticipate what you're getting into when transitioning to the other side. It's easy to believe that you understand so much from being so close to it, but it really is quite a learning experience. Being in fandom was a beautiful part of my life that I could never come to regret, but I also wouldn't give this up for anything in the world, either. I think I'm right where I'm meant to be."

Jubi and Nara both look at you with soft smiles and proud eyes. It's a good answer, but more than that, it's a truthful one.

When filming wraps and you slip away into the green room for your belongings, there's a message waiting for you on your phone.

Manager [21:48]: Not able to accompany you back to your dorm, needed elsewhere for the evening. Sunwoo's manager will ensure that you get back safely. Great work tonight, rest well.

Okay, mildly annoying. Ultimately, this does not disrupt your evening too much though. Jubi and Nara have other late-night schedules to attend to and thus it makes sense that you are not sent to be dealt with by the other MVNE managers, but being sent off with Sunwoo presents a whole different set of difficulties that you are not so in the mood to be dealing with.

Specifically, being seen entering the same car as him.

You roll your eyes to nobody but yourself as you imagine it happening and the potential fallout as a result. Realistically, this should not be a situation, at all. The two of you are labelmates, and in any other job it is not so ridiculous to think that colleagues may share rides and be seen going places together.

Unfortunately, the idol life is no such career choice.

This could be a mess, but you don't really have another option.

Exiting from the venue, you and the other girls walk behind Sunwoo and maintain a substantial amount of space. Many fans are lined up near the vehicles that stand waiting for you, and through excited waves and huge smiles, the four of you continue on towards the moment of truth.

One girl from the crowd shouts Jubi's name and asks where it is that MVNE is headed to next. She says that she hopes you're able to enjoy a nice meal, and though you allow your groupmate to have this interaction, it also serves as the perfect opportunity for you.

Jubi frowns so big that you think it could be seen from space and says, "Nara and I have another schedule to go to! No rest for us, yet!"

"I'll go home and I'll be sure to rest well and eat well," you say, "but I have to go with the other car and send the girls off on their way, unfortunately."

The crowd whines in unison, sad for the fact that you must be split from your friends, and just as it begins dying down you feel a small touch to your arm. A manager urging you to come along and be on your way.

"Time to go! Thank you so much for coming out, it was so much fun! Get warm and have delicious meals together. We'll meet again soon!"

You waste no more time climbing into the van. Your head is down, eyes glued to the cement beneath your feet and trying not to think about any of the curious others that may be watching you on account of all of this. The thoughts have to be pushed away, the worry is not something that you can do anything about, nor is the aftermath of it. 

Sunwoo is standing just beside the open door, and though you pass him to get inside, you don't look at him, either.

Fan interaction carries on even once the van pulls away, and you have no other option than to swallow down the welling anxiety inside of you and engage with just as much enthusiasm as before.

Once the last face has disappeared into the dark distance, the windows roll back up and you all but melt into the leather seat beneath you.

There is no peace for you here, however.

Sunwoo—sitting in front of you—swings around and props his chin up on the headrest to look at you. 

"I have a surprise."

Slowly, your eyes close. "I do not like the sound of that."

"Oh, come on!" he whines. "I went through all of this trouble to do something nice for us and this is how you're going to repay me?"

"I just survived one of the most stressful nights of my very new idol career and now you're telling me about some surprise you have orchestrated? Forgive me for not immediately jumping for joy when all I really want to do is bury myself six feet in the ground."

Sunwoo is perceptive, despite his unwillingness to meet someone halfway with their emotional earnestness the majority of the time. He is more than capable of understanding when the vibes, for all intents and purposes, are off, but whether or not he feels like feeling with that can be a whole different kind of beast.

Still, he must be feeling especially receptive tonight, because his eyes narrow slightly as he stares at you and rather than doubling down on the humor he says, "You did really well tonight. Everyone loved you and you carried yourself impressively. This was pretty much a nightmare scenario for the both of us and it worked out in the end, let yourself have a sigh of relief."

As annoying as it may be when he is right, right he is. You do exactly that and try to breathe out all of the negative energy that has accumulated inside of you with one, swift sigh, and once it's done you find his eyes and ask, "Alright, what's the surprise?"

Sunwoo smiles big and wide, pleased by the outcome of this and says, "We're going to dinner!"

You shoot up from your lazy position, adrenaline and horror flooding beneath your skin.

"We're what!?"

"Don't worry so much! I have a spot, a kind of best kept secret among idols for where to go when you don't want to be bothered and definitely don't want to be seen. It's very discreet, much more so than the places we used to meet."

In the moment, all you can manage to give as a response is a slow, exhausted drawl of his name.

"You should trust me more! I wouldn't do something to put either of us at risk of something that will make things much worse for us."

"You literally have! You do! What was that stint backstage? The place was crawling with staff and our members and that certainly didn't stop you."

Sunwoo hums thoughtfully for a second and then, seemingly accepting defeat, says, "Okay, fair enough, but I was desperate and desperate times call for desperate measures! Besides, I wouldn't do it again, which is precisely why I have instead gone out of my way to arrange something smarter and safer." He extends an arm out, flops his hand in the air in your direction despite not being able to actually reach you. "I know you think I'm crazy and too risky, and that's kind of true, but I'm trying to reel it in for you! Is it a crime to want to see you more than just in the hallways of the company building?"

Looking at him and the subsequent pout that's now sitting on his face, you relent just a bit to his thoughtful intent. He's doing his best, even if it's simply not very good. 

And besides, he looks far too cute when he's pouting like this.

"No, it's not, but also… I don't know how good of an idea it is that we be given more private time, all things considered as of recent."

"Arguably, that's precisely why we need more private time." Sunwoo grins and then says, "If it's going to keep happening, then it should most definitely be more private."

Sunwoo's chumminess with his manager is something you have known for a while now, though you've never quite seen it in action with this much clarity.

The van comes to a stop in a narrow, unlit alleyway. There is so little space that you and Sunwoo have no other option than to shimmy your bodies between the concrete walls and the vehicle itself, and upon reaching the drivers side window, it rolls down and the man behind the wheel firmly informs the two of you that you have thirty minutes, and not a second longer will be spent here.

It's for the best, because Miyoung is at home and expecting your return. Already, you will need to think of an alibi for your lateness, but at the very least, you always have the Seoul roadways to blame when the time spent lost in transit is not so egregious.

Only a few steps are needed to reach the entrance, and after offering a couple of knocks to the door, it swings open and the two of you are met by a pretty young woman dressed all in black. She smiles and steps to the side so that you can go inside, but before you do, Sunwoo turns back to look at you and with a familiar slighted grin you have seen so many times before says, "Just like old times."

Not quite, you think in response.

Inside of the building, the lights are so dim that you find difficulty in navigating what lies ahead of you. 

Quickly you make your way past the kitchen and restrooms, into an area that is small, cramped, and filled with small rooms that have tables inside. All of them offer a curtain in front, and on your way through you glance inside one of them and make brief eye contact with a well-known actress sitting with her male companion for the evening.

Anxiety heightens within you, but just as it does you find that you have reached your destination.

With a smile that never falters, the hostess offers your table and both you and Sunwoo take seats opposite of each other. The curtain is closed, and even though you seem to be surrounded by people with what may be even bigger secrets than the two of you hold, you cannot help but feel that tumultuous twisting deep inside of your stomach.

The one thing that dwindles it, however, is a single glance towards Sunwoo. His sweatshirt is oversized much like his jeans and with a simple set of glasses clinging to his face, he almost looks like a simple, regular guy. Granted, much more handsome, but regular nonetheless.

Drinks arrive soon after, and once the woman takes her leave you look at Sunwoo once again and ask, "So, I take it you've been here before?"

A corner of his lip twists upwards and as he brings the glass to his face he says, "Sure have."

"I suppose that's promising, since I haven't heard anything about that before."

"Jealous? Thinking about all of the stuff I might have been getting up to before we met?"

You roll your eyes. "You're the jealous one between the two of us, not me."

Sunwoo folds his hands together atop the table and leans himself over it closer towards you. He appears far too amused by the events that have transpired up until now, and despite knowing you are in fairly safe hands here, you feel a chill crawl over your skin given the close proximity and your limited privacy.

"We'll see about that," he says, and then sits back normally against his chair. "I have a drama coming up, shooting begins soon. I wanted to tell you the good news in person, figured it was something worthy of a little celebration."

Your face lights up. "That's amazing news, and absolutely worth celebrating! No wonder you dragged me out here like this, and here I thought your intentions were always going to be something nefarious."

An eyebrow perks up, questioning and suspicious. He says, "My intentions are never nefarious, I just want to spend time with you." Sunwoo shrugs the tangential topic off and then continues on with the previous point. "Anyway, it's a pretty big deal for me. I don't have a lot of acting experience so I'm a little nervous about it, but what's really exciting is that it's a romance."

"That sounds perfect for you, honestly. The bad boy schtick never really did land with you, not for anyone who has known you for longer than ten minutes."

"You're being annoying but I'm going to ignore that in favor of mentioning the fact that there's going to be a kiss scene."

You don't like the way hearing that makes you feel.

It's acting. It is only as real as the physicality of ensuring that a scene is properly displayed to the viewer in whichever way it is intended to be. The logical part of your brain begins to work overtime in an effort to explain your feelings on this away, and while it helps a tiny bit, there is still an inkling of unfortunate displeasure lingering heavily in the center of your chest.

After a stiff sip of your drink, you place it back down on the table, force a smile that does little to sell the point and say, "I'm sure you're delighted by that fact."

"Should I be?"

Exhausted by this already, you sigh in an effort to express as much. "I don't know, Sunwoo. Should you? Are you? What difference does it make, it's your job. I doubt you're going to have that hard of a time kissing a beautiful woman on camera." 

He appears far too pleased by all of this once you have finished with your statement. More than that, Sunwoo leans over the table once again, folds his fingers together and while looking you dead in the eye he says, "I think it's about due time for an honest discussion about things going forward."

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

Your skin feels like it's on fire, throat dry as a result of the intense stare that Sunwoo has captured you in. He is rarely serious—especially this much so—but you know him well enough to know precisely when the switch has flipped from something light and comical to something far more urgent and necessary. These moments are uncommon; Sunwoo prefers to communicate in efforts and actions rather than words, so if he says it's time to talk, then you can only imagine what is waiting for you on the other side of it.

"It means…" he starts, drawing out the word at the end, "That I want to see you, and I think I've made that pretty obvious for a while now, but with it laid out plainly like this you aren't going to be able to deflect or pretend that you don't know. You're just going to have to face it head-on. We both are."

Sunwoo's voice is surprisingly firm when he says it, a stark difference to your own racing heart and shaky exhales as you do your best to steady yourself in the heaviness of his confession. He's right—right about all of it—a jagged pill to swallow going forward because just as intended, Sunwoo has trapped you in a circumstances where you cannot escape this, you can't run away and pretend that you do not know the thing that you very much do know, and frankly, have known for a while.

The problem therein is less with your understanding of him, and more with your inability to find the strength to cut free of the shackles of terror that bind you and meet him anywhere close to halfway.

Your lips part, though no words leave them immediately. Thoughts swim in your mind so muddled and messy that it's difficult to understand where one starts and another begins. You have to answer him, you have to reply, and all the while his gaze towards you never falters.

"I…" You stop, take a deep breath and then go on to say, "I'm terrified. I'm scared of the risk, scared of getting caught… I…" Another pause follows, because the thing that you want to say is something that you have never dared to utter to another person ever before. Now or never, you suppose. As good of a time as any, and if nothing else, Sunwoo deserves the honesty in exchange for his own. "I want to, but I'm just fucking scared."

"I know that, but as fun as stealing risky kisses is, not even I'm delusional enough to think we can keep getting away with it forever. At some point we're just going to have to make a decision… A decision to do this, or to not do it, and then put it to bed forever if that's the case."

Matching him, you lean across the table and close more of the space hanging between you. Like this, the two of you are so close to one another, but Sunwoo does not falter in any way despite your proximity.

"Why now? I just debuted, we have a comeback in less than a week… Why does it have to be now? Can't this wait until my group is a little bit more established? Until something like this being found out might not be the complete ruination of mine and the other girls' lives?"

"Is it fair to ask me to wait for a day that might not ever come?" Sunwoo asks, and along with it, he slowly stands and closes more of the space between you. "Are you asking me to wait forever?" His hand comes up to cradle your jaw, his face inching closer to yours. "Because I might, if you do."

Sunwoo kisses you then, and for the first time, the worry of who might be around to see it completely melts away.

Caked in stage-ready make-up, you look at yourself in the mirror and for a moment, you don't even recognize the person staring back at you.

It's been days since your last meeting with Sunwoo and the conversation that was carried out. The words have sat in your mind ever since—will you, or won't you—but the thought of making a decision leaves you paralyzed. The answer is an obvious one if not for the extenuating circumstances that you've now found yourself in; a chance at something that you never thought you would be able to have now waiting in your grasp, waiting for you to throw all caution to the wind and just say yes. 

But you have no other option than to make a decision based on the worst possible case scenario, and based on the responses from your stint on Idol Radio, you're simply unsure it's a risk that you're willing to take.

Lukewarm is the best way to put it, though surprisingly, the displeased responses are less about you, and more about Sunwoo. Many onlookers question his presentation of the topic in relation to your history together in general, and frankly, you don't really blame them.

You are lauded for responding well, professional and polite and it would appear that most do not press beyond it to see what might be hiding within the shadows. One commenter says that you can hardly even tell that she was ever his fan, and at the very least, it's an amusing take considering all that is going on behind the scenes.

Now, like so many other times, you have to put all of these thoughts behind you and prepare for your comeback showcase. MVNE are ready, standing by for their call and doing last minute fixes on headset microphones and appearances, but only a few minutes stand between your group and the start of the show. Will it be received well? you wonder to yourself, such a drastic change in song already when compared to your debut.

And there are already extenuating circumstances hanging overhead. Hyemi's small mishap and now yours. Things that someone, somewhere, will always make a point to mention should their intent be to disparage and destroy.

A woman on the staff knocks and then swiftly opens the door to tell you and the other girls that it's time, and thus, you all shuffle out of the room and to the backstage area in wait.

The staff on hand for this event is much smaller, and so the area offers far more room for comfort than that of busy festivals. You make your way out and navigate towards the stage, but not before catching the eye of someone that you have grown rather fond of over the past few months.

With cue cards in hand and slicked back black hair, Juyeon cocks his head in a delighted sort of way and greets you pleasantly.

"Nervous?"

You shake your head. "Not any more than the usual amount, but I suppose there is always reason for moderate concern. What if I break an ankle?"

"I don't think most jump straight to that. You're going to be great, I'm looking forward to it." He dangles the cue cards in hand with a smile and says, "Lucky me, wrestling the MC spot out of Hyunjae's clutches."

"You know, there's enough of you that the chances of getting someone I'm friendly with are rather low. Starting to believe you're becoming a fan."

Juyeon smiles and then says, "Oh, of course I am."

A staff member calls for him, he gives his last good lucks and goodbyes, and off he goes to begin the show.

With barely a moment going by between them, Nara steps up beside you with nervous hands and shaky eyes.

"What?" you insist, the evidence of something on her mind painted onto her features in ways you've not quite seen from her before.

She swallows hard. "Uh, you seem close to Juyeon." 

Oh no. This is really the last thing you need, all things considered. It's bad enough that Woori seems intent on believing that your circumstances with Sunwoo are spiraling out of control, but on top of it, her eye is keen enough to spot a budding interest in Juyeon, as well. Regardless of what that may, or may not, entail currently. 

Must you hardness all interactions you have with the people around you, even amongst your own band members and friends? Is it truly an impossibility to merely have a friendship with someone like Juyeon without it being placed under a microscope for dissecting? If Juyeon were less handsome, less desired, less personable; would this still be a problem you are now meant to deal with?

It's not even like that. At least, you are fairly sure of the fact.

Your hands fly up, waving around wildly in front of you. "Oh, no! We're just… We worked together not long ago, you know? It's not anything like—"

"I wasn't suggesting that, actually." Nara's fingers pick at the skin around her nails nervously, a habit frowned upon by the staff intent on keeping all of the members in tip-top physical appearance. You've never seen her like this, and before she begins to state the fact, you're already beginning to realize where it is that she is going with this. "I'm saying this because… Well, I'm curious about what you know about him. If he's seeing anyone right now, if maybe…"

"You're interested."

"Of course I'm interested!" Nara bites back, all but flying off the handle at the obvious statement. She quickly reels her reaction in, presses closer to you and drops to a whisper to say, "Who wouldn't be interested? Anyway, don't make a big deal about it! I'm just wondering."

Your heart sinks, and you're not quite sure what to make of that. Juyeon is your friend, and you have more than enough on your plate already with a man that desperately wishes for you to take the plunge like it appears that so many others surrounding you are perfectly willing and happy to take. Why is Nara so willing to risk it for a man that she barely even knows? you question yourself. Why are you completely unwilling to give that to someone who begs for it? 

However, it is not your job to reprimand Nara for her consideration. You are not the leader, you are her peer, and with this in mind you have no other option than to make a neutral choice.

With a pointed effort to steady yourself, you clear your throat and then say, "He's not seeing anyone, not to my knowledge, at least."

"Is he nice? He seems nice, if you're friends with him."

"Yeah, Juyeon is very easy to get along with. Very mature, he's not really anything like what he presents on stage."

Nara smiles wide hearing the news, and you wish you could feel even a fraction of the joy that she is in that moment.

"Maybe you could put in a good word for me," she says. "You know, something small. Something that might get him to see me."

The lights dim on stage, the sound system loudly booms to life, and you couldn't be more thankful for the jarring interruption.

"Yeah, I'll see what I can do."

But truthfully, the only thing you have any intention of doing is messaging Sunwoo as soon as you can possibly manage it.

It's a little past eleven at night and you are wearing sunglasses.

Not just sunglasses, but two jackets with both hoods pulled over your head and a scarf. Granted, it's a bit cold outside, and maybe you can get away with dressing in such a way that doesn't draw too much attention. Is it overkill? Perhaps, but you're not really willing to take any chances.

To add to the already ridiculous situation you have landed yourself in, you're a few glasses of celebratory wine in and feeling a bit bolder than you usually might. A little dizzy and a lot loose as far as decision making goes. Nobody knows where you are, at least, not yet.

You knock on the door.

The time between doing so and the door opening feels like forever, but you aren't an anticipated guest and you have to imagine that there is a kind of due diligence that must be done when it comes to unexpected visitors. You look around the halls to ensure that the coast remains clear, and then finally, the door cracks apart.

His eyes are wide, obviously surprised by your standing there. Really, who can blame him?

Smiling awkwardly, you say, "Hi, uh…"

Younghoon blinks a couple of times but doesn't immediately say anything, either. He turns to look behind him, looks back at you and then says, "You should probably get inside."

You walk in, slowly begin disrobing from all of the excess things covering your body, and then hear Chanhee let out a cackle as he peeks around the corner to see what all of the fuss is about.

Fair enough.

He yells for Sunwoo shortly after, though he does not offer additional info in doing so. You hear a door down the hall swing open, then hurried footsteps following it.

Sunwoo enters the open space, turns to look towards the door to find you, and his eyes widen like he has just seen a ghost.

"You…" he begins slowly, like he isn't quite sure what to make of what he is seeing. "Are here."

"Yeah, sure would seem to be the case, wouldn't it?"

Younghoon remains awkwardly perched by the door, and upon closing it, covers his ears and makes his way out of the line of fire.

"I don't know what this is but I don't want any part of it. I'm just going to pretend I haven't seen nor heard anything and that's going to be the end of that."

Sunwoo moves towards you, takes you by the wrist and says, "He's right, the less they know, the better."

Once inside of Sunwoo's room he offers you his seat at his desk, and takes it upon himself to settle at the edge of his bed. You've never been here before—never imagined you would be—but now that you are, it feels incredibly surreal to experience.

There's a game up on the computer monitor and a couple of empty glasses littering the table. Some pieces of clothing litter the floor, but not nearly as bad as you might have expected when deciding to show up here.

"A message would have been good," Sunwoo says.

"Kind of a last minute thing."

"Those comeback drinks hitting especially hard tonight, huh?"

You shoot him a sort of mocking expression and say, "If I had known you were going to be annoying about it I wouldn't have come at all."

Chuckling a little, Sunwoo says, "That's not true, you absolutely knew I was going to be annoying about it, which begs the question…" There's a brief passing of silence between you, as if he hopes that you'll pick up the other half without his prompting, but when you don't, he proceeds. "Why are you here?"

"To tell you the truth, I'm not quite sure, myself."

"Is that the truth?"

Sunwoo's voice is soft and careful as he says it, as if presenting something to the both of you that still remains unspoken. Inside of yourself, you do know the truth, but still you dance around it as if continuing to do so will change the fact of the matter. With your hands folded in your lap, you look down at them, inhaling slowly before choosing the words that you intend to move forward with.

"What's wrong with wanting to see my—"

"Don't say your friend," Sunwoo interjects, his gaze on you firm and resolute. "We're not friends, we haven't been for a long time. People don't take risks like this for their friends, idols don't dress up like they've taken bank robbery advice from movies to visit their friends."

You close your eyes and let the words sink in. You think of Nara and her interest in Juyeon—wonder if she would be willing to do this for a chance to spend time with him—the conversation from earlier still heavy on your shoulders as if only just having happened.

"How are you not mortified by your own existence?" you ask him, voice shaky as the words leave your lips. "How are you not terrified by what you've seen happen to other people in the industry? How can you just… Throw all caution to the wind and be willing to let the pieces fall where they may?"

Looking at you, Sunwoo's lips thin into what can only be described as an adoring smile. He watches you in silence for a few moments, truly taking in the sight of you being there and vulnerable with him. Bad boy schtick be damned, he never did quite sell it as what was meant to be intended.

"We're not the first idols to date," he says quietly, "and we sure as hell won't be the last. For every one couple that gets found out, there's ten that never do. You just have to make sure you're a part of the ten."

"It's becoming harder and harder to say no to you, you make it all sound so easy."

Sunwoo shrugs, all nonchalant about the whole thing and says, "Well, it's not exactly rocket science, you know? But it'd be a lot easier if you didn't make me resort to stealing you away backstage where anyone could just wander by."

"No one makes you do that!"

"You do!" he says, pointing a finger. "Your waffling is what's making this harder! Just jump!"

Exasperated, you let out a heavy sigh and fight back by saying, "I'm here, aren't I?"

Another grin pulls at his lips, and slowly he brings himself up from the bed and towards you. Sunwoo's hands grip at the edge of his desk and box you into place beneath him, his face mere inches away from your own. "Yes, yes you are."

"We could ruin a lot of lives if this goes wrong."

Pressing forward, Sunwoo's breath is warm against the skin of your cheek, and with his lips only ghosting against your own he says, "Then we just have to make sure that it doesn't."

When his mouth finds yours, it's softer than all of the other times. There is no urgency behind it, no time limit sitting at the back of either of your minds as you allow yourself to succumb to it. Instead, this time you revel in the feeling; your worries falling away with every gentle nip of his teeth against your bottom lip.

Satisfied, Sunwoo leisurely creates space between you once again and says, "By the way, we've started filming for my drama, might need all of the practice I can get." He steals another swift kiss and then pulls away entirely in favor of happily spinning himself back to his previous position on his bed. "So, you can think of it like it's work. Actor training, and all that."

With a racing heart and electric nerves, you try to steady your thoughts enough to give anything close to a coherent response. Your phone vibrates, which almost certainly cannot be anything good, and messily digging it out of your pocket with shaky hands you say, "You want me to be your training dummy for kissing another woman? How romantic."

Sunwoo's face drops and twists into a pout. "Well, it's not when you put it like that." His attention turns to the device in your hand then and he says, "Who's messaging you?"

And you desperately wish he hadn't asked upon seeing the name pop up in your notifications.

Unfortunately, your physical reaction betrays you, and Sunwoo is far too in tuned with the goings on in front of him to not notice the shift. He squints a little as he waits for your reply, a once innocent question he has posed now morphing into knowledge that he has acquired and seeks more of.

"It's nothing," you say. "It's not important."

"Not what I asked!" He leaps out of his seat and towards you, grasping at your phone in order to get a peek of the screen. You do your best to keep it away from him; limbs flying about and giggles filling the air on account of how ridiculous this has all become. With it expertly placed behind your back and Sunwoo's hand wrapped around the wrist that keeps it from him, he pushes his face close to yours again and says, "You're being super dodgy about this, which you wouldn't be if it was one of the girls. That only means…"

Sunwoo kisses you again, this time harder and with much more intent behind the action. His free hand slips down to rest atop your thigh—you know precisely the angle he's going for—yet it does little to grant you the ability to remain firm in your defenses.

After all, he is stronger than you, and he uses this to his advantage in yanking you up from the seat, spinning you to hold your back to his chest, and turning your arm so that the screen is on full display to the both of you.

It lights up, the notification looks so much bigger than you remember it being. You're projecting, sure, but it's really not the best time for this.

Not that it's even anything, of course.

"Oh!"

You feel Sunwoo reel physically from behind you, though his grip on you doesn't let up. Instead, his head dips down so that his chin rests on your shoulder and with his face right beside your own he says, "Pretty late in the night to be getting messages from a guy." Letting go, Sunwoo spins you around to face him, crosses his arms over his chest and glares at you. "Not really ever a good time to be getting messages from him, if you ask me."

"We're just friends."

"So were we! So you'll have to forgive me for kind of knowing where that whole thing leads!"

Rolling your eyes, you huff out a sigh. "It's different. Juyeon and I have never… Anything, and he has given me no reason to believe that he might, unlike some incredibly demanding people that I know!"

Sunwoo points a finger at you again, and if there were any intention to say something in that very moment, he ultimately swallows it down in favor of not saying anything of the sort. He is clearly disbelieving to some degree, though you can't quite fathom why given the circumstances at play. Ultimately, you know well enough that jealousy makes itself something of a mainstay in every fiber of his being, and beginning to traverse new, previously uncharted waters as far as you are concerned is the lifeblood of that exact inclination.

"We're just friends," you repeat. "One of my members is interested, though."

"And how do you feel about that?"

Thinking over the question, you do your best to settle on something that is honest and thorough. You don't like it, and there is a whirlwind of feelings inside of you in relation to it that you haven't completely been able to parse through just yet. New information that requires attentiveness that you haven't been able to give it, but you do know one thing about it all.

"Annoyed." Shoving your phone back into your pocket, you look at Sunwoo like you're a little bit defeated by it all and shrug with exaggeration. "Why am I the only one who cares? Why am I the only one willing to make myself smaller so that the rest can grow?"

"I don't think that's true," Sunwoo reasons, and extending his arm out, he gently pulls your hand into his. "But I do think you have somewhat unrealistic expectations of it all, because of your background in all of this. I know you feel like there's a target on your back—and that's not entirely untrue—but you can't just… Not live your life. No one else is doing that. They never really have. It's pretend, everybody is just making it up."

"Isn't idol 101 not dating?"

The expression that comes across Sunwoo's face is one of being humored by the words, but alongside of it sits a small hint of doting patronizing.

Shaking his head, he says, "No, man. Idol 101 is simply not getting caught doing it."