#existentialcrisis

[cutepinkloves]

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

I saw this and thought of you, while you don't care if I exist or not.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Existentialism (2) Masterlist

part one

all the little temporaries (ao3) - indistinct_echo

Summary: Not for the first or last time, Phil has to say goodbye to everything (apart from Dan).

An Insomniac’s Daydream (ao3) - Young_Rouge_Rose

Summary: Dan Howell is an insomniac, a pianist, and possibly a modern day Nostradamus, as his twisted dreams seem to be pointing towards the destruction of the world. When plagued with such dreams he does what any sane and natural human being would. He gives up sleep. No sleep. No dreams. No end. Phil Lester is a humble barista who feels like a daydream and somehow manages to keep the monsters, which come with such twisted dreams at bay. But there is more to it than meets the eye, for the past always has a way of catching up with you. This has happened before, but it can’t happen again.

at the loss of words (ao3) - cantbother

Summary: when Dan finds himself unable to deal with his thoughts on his own , Phil tries to help him - through the door Dan had locked the night before

If Lost, Return To Phil - thatsmistertoyou

Summary: Dan and Phil are friends with benefits, which always works until it doesn’t. Dan wishes things could be different, and gets more than he bargains for.

I'm Falling (So I'm Taking My Time on My Ride) (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan's having a crisis again. Phil helps him through it again.

Pinkie Promise (ao3) - lestericalphan

Summary: Dan and Phil decided as children to make a promise to be there, care and to help each other. The only question left is how long does a promise really last?

Polaroid Prince (ao3) - CelestialYuuri

Summary: Dan Howell has had the reflection of an auburn-haired individual for as long as he can remember. As he’s growing up with the reflection, he notices how much it changes and how much he changes as well.

Querencia (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: in which Dan is existential and Phil is there for him.

Sauvage (ao3) - covetsubjugation

Summary: When Dan and Phil fail to leave the country in time, they are trapped in the UK during the most dangerous time of the year. What are they to do when their safe house gets broken into during The Purge?

Six Feet Under the Stars (ao3) - smol_chilli_pepper

Summary: The night was beautiful but he couldn’t stop staring at the boy next to him, all in black a galaxy on his own

sometimes quiet is violent (ao3) - nivi_chip

Sumamry: Sometimes, Dan just needs to see a pair of legs next to him.

Take a Picture and Frame It (ao3) - interruptedbyfjreworks

Summary: Dan's never been one to believe that 'everything happens for a reason', but he can't help but feel that Amelia was put into their lives by more than just an off-chance.

The Infinite Possibility of Us (ao3) -  Young_Rouge_Rose

Summary: It began as all good stories do, with an inciting incident. Dan’s just so happened to be almost getting hit by a car, watching a man die before his eyes and somehow falling into a web of alternate realities. Just your usual morning inconvenience. He just wanted a coffee, and to make Phil happy. Now all he wants is to get back home, back to his world, his life, his Phil. Little does he know Phil has found himself in a similar predicament, and what is stranger still is that in all other worlds they seem to be together. Maybe this is the universe trying to tell them something.

What Do You Mean This is Wrong? (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan and Phil are celebrating Chris’s 30th birthday when Phil remembers what his 30th was like just a few months earlier.

[mirroribis]

Title: Schrodinger’s Christ

Artist: Erin Meares/Mirroribis

Medium: Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator.

No AI image generation used

[magneticovitalblog]

Crisis Existencial

En psicología, una crisis existencial es un conflicto interno caracterizado por la impresión de que la vida carece de sentido y en el que los esquemas mentales construidos ya no sirven para afrontar la situación actual.

La crisis existencial se da porque la vida, o la forma de percibirla o entenderla, cambia. De repente, las ideas pasadas y las expectativas del futuro caen. Aparecen nuevas preocupaciones y preguntas que nunca habían sido planteadas y para las que no se tiene respuesta aún.

La persona se siente perdida, desorientada, no tiene claras sus metas y se replantea sus creencias y sus valores, con un malestar psicológico importante.

Es un punto de inflexión en nuestra historia vital, que conduce a sentir la necesidad de encontrar una identidad y un sentido o propósito a nuestra vida, lo que conlleva diferentes síntomas psicológicos y emocionales y que puede llegar a ser muy estresante.

Las crisis existenciales suceden cuando pensamos que no somos capaces de afrontar los acontecimientos de la vida, con los recursos que hasta ahora nos funcionaban. En ese momento nuestro dialogo interno se llena de expresiones como

«¿Cuál es mi propósito en la vida? No le encuentro sentido.» 

«¿Qué sentido tiene todo esto?»

«¿Quién soy yo?»

¿Cómo es que nada me llena como antes?

¿Qué será de mi mañana?

Si fuera el caso, probablemente estemos atravesando una crisis existencial, que puede cambiar radicalmente la dirección de nuestra vida haciendo que nos planteemos objetivos nuevos o, en cambio, puede llevarnos a una espiral negativa hacia la depresión.

Una crisis existencial conlleva sentimientos de malestar sobre el significado, la elección y la libertad en la vida.  

El problema radica en no encontrar respuestas satisfactorias, lo que puede desencadenar frustración y pérdida de alegría interior.

Nos sentimos inseguros sobre cómo responder o qué camino tomar, e incluso puede afectar nuestras vidas de manera negativa si estos sentimientos persisten o empeoran.

Tipos de crisis existencial

Crisis de falta de sentido cuando creemos que no hemos cumplido nuestras metas o no hemos conseguido algo significativo. Esto puede llevar a cuestionar la propia existencia y el propósito personal.

Crisis de identidad, que afectan la imagen que tenemos de nosotros mismos. Nos preguntamos si somos lo que realmente queremos ser.

Crisis de libertad y la responsabilidad, que surge ante la responsabilidad que causa la libre decisión. Algunas personas sienten que no son capaces de aceptar las consecuencias de sus decisiones y se abruman cuando dejan de depender de otras personas.

Crisis que responden a preguntas como

¿Me conformo con la vida que tengo?

¿Me quedo trabajando en un trabajo que no me gusta?

¿Qué estoy haciendo con mi vida?

Crisis sobre la mortalidad. Conforme cumplimos años, muchas personas comienzan a hacerse preguntas sobre el final de la vida y lo desconocido. Ello puede generar ansiedad y sentimientos vacío y confusión.

Crisis sobre la soledad. Las separaciones y el aislamiento que podemos ir sufriendo a lo largo de la vida pueden llegar a generar una sensación de soledad que puede generar una crisis porque no le vemos sentido a la realidad.

La crisis existencial implica un cambio en nosotros, de manera que nos llegamos a sentir como si fuéramos otra persona o cambian aspectos importantes en nuestra visión de la vida.

Durante esta crisis nos cuestionamos aspectos que hasta ese momento habíamos dado por sentados o que simplemente no nos preocupaban, habitualmente sobre la propia existencia.

Por otra parte, las preguntas que nos planteamos durante una crisis existencial implican un elevado compromiso personal. La respuesta que estamos buscando va dirigida a reencauzar el sentido de nuestra vida.

Los síntomas de la crisis existencial

Estamos atravesando una crisis existencial cuando:

Cambiamos nuestras costumbres para probar cosas diferentes, pero no nos satisfacen

Creemos que debemos cambiar nuestra vida, pero no sabemos cómo

Las actividades que antes nos motivaban han perdido su valor pues ya no les encontramos sentido

No encontramos sentido en nada.

No tenemos ganas de nada: ni de ir a comprar, ni de ir al gimnasio, ni de hacer nada de lo que antes te motivaba.

Nos cuesta levantarnos para ir al trabajo. No hay nada que nos motive.

Nos cuestionamos a menudo si tuviéramos que seguir teniendo la pareja que tenemos.

Nos cuestionas las decisiones más importantes que hemos tomado a lo largo de tu vida, como la elección de la profesión o de la pareja

Nos sentimos constantemente con tedio

Nos sentimos mu agotados emocionalmente

Pensamos que nos faltan muchas experiencias por vivir

Tenemos miedo al futuro pues no logramos verlo claramente

Tenemos una sensación de extrañeza con nosotros mismos, como si fuésemos otra persona

Tenemos una sensación de insatisfacción generalizada, aunque las cosas marchen bien

Todo nos da pereza: salir con amistades, una boda próxima que teóricamente nos tendría que hacer ilusión.

Las causas de la crisis existencial

La crisis existencial está profundamente vinculada al proceso de crecimiento y maduración por lo que puede ocurrir en cualquier momento de la vida.

Algunas causas pueden incluir:

Cambios de trabajo o carrera

Conciencia de los propios límites

Diagnóstico de una enfermedad grave o potencialmente mortal

Emociones reprimidas

Fallecimiento de un ser querido, y afrontar la propia muerte

Insatisfacción con uno mismo

Sentimiento de soledad y aislamiento en el mundo

Sentir culpa por algo

Sentirse perdido y fuera de control. No hallar un propósito para la vida

Sentirse socialmente insatisfecho

Tener hijos, el matrimonio o el divorcio

En algunos casos es posible encontrar un factor desencadenante, sin embargo, otras veces no es posible.

Las consecuencias de una crisis existencial

Cada persona es un mundo y no todas experimentamos la crisis existencial de la misma manera. Hay quienes viven la crisis de una manera puntual y en un periodo de tiempo muy limitado mientras que otras atraviesan un periodo mucho más largo, intenso y desestabilizador.

De hecho, hay quienes nunca atraviesan por una.

En algunos casos la crisis existencial no se resuelve satisfactoriamente y la persona cae en la “triada cognitiva”, desarrollando una perspectiva negativa de nosotros mismos, del mundo y del futuro, lo que puede generarnos problemas psicológicos, como:

Depresión

Desesperanza

Ideas suicidas

Sentimientos de indefensión

El tratamiento de la crisis existencial

Es conveniente estar activos para “Que la inspiración nos sorprenda trabajando. A veces es difícil, pero no nos interesa quedarnos parados: salimos a pasear, vamos a nadar, escuchamos música…”.

Esta actividad ayuda a abrir la mente y a propiciar la inspiración para encontrar una salida en la crisis.  

Estas técnicas pueden ser de ayuda para ello:

¿En qué destacamos? ¿Qué es aquello que se nos da bien?

¿Qué cosas hacemos que no sean por obligación?

¿Qué cosas nos satisfacen?

¿Qué podemos aportar a los demás?

Busquemos apoyo emocional, compartiendo nuestros sentimientos y pensamientos con personas de confianza, como amistades, familiares, etc.  

Busquemos nuestro propósito examinando nuestros valores y creencias: ¿qué es lo más importante para nosotros en la vida y qué creencias nos guían?, para encontrar un sentido más profundo y tomar decisiones alineadas con ellos.

Establezcamos metas y busquemos nuevas experiencias, con realismo, que nos ayuden a encontrar un propósito.  

Si existiera la magia ¿cómo sería nuestra vida?

No podemos dar respuesta a todas nuestras dudas y cuestiones y esto es algo que conviene aceptar. Sin embargo, es necesario reflexionar y apercibirnos de cuáles son los puntos más importantes de nuestra crisis: qué es aquello que más nos incomoda de nuestras vidas y cuál es el camino para cambiarlo.

Las respuestas a las cuestiones que frecuentemente plantea una crisis existencial implican un camino de descubrimiento personal, o sea que un psicólogo profesional podrá guiarnos en el camino para que las descubramos por nosotros mismos, atravesando valores y creencias, y nos ayudará a tener una visión con evidencias de la situación que estás viviendo y para que lograr encontrar un nuevo sentido a nuestra vida.

Según el doctor Irvin D. Yalom, se trata de orientar a la persona tomar decisiones significativas y hacia esos cambios que, estén en sintonía con sus valores y propósitos personales, en cuatro áreas básicas

abordar el miedo a la muerte

recuperar la libertad

un nuevo sentido vital

vencer el aislamiento

Trabajando lo siguiente:

Afrontar la incertidumbre y los sentimientos de angustia.

Beneficiar la conexión social para evitar la soledad.

Confrontar los pensamientos pesimistas y limitantes.

Permitirnos trazar nuevos significados vitales.

Promover la construcción de una vida más creativa, libre y con propósitos.

Las siguientes son algunas formas en las que la terapia psicológica online puede ayudarnos en una crisis existencial:

Exploración y reflexión de nuestras preguntas y preocupaciones existenciales, para indagar sobre nuestro sentido de identidad, valores y metas en la vida.

Autoconocimiento y comprensión de nuestros propios pensamientos, emociones y patrones de conducta, para comprender mejor nuestras inquietudes existenciales y descubrir nuevos significados y direcciones en la vida. Es conveniente mirarnos al espejo y apercibirnos de quién somos y qué queremos, ya que pasamos parte de nuestra vida siendo como otros esperan y dejándonos llevar por inercia.

¿Cómo nos gustaría ser dentro de cinco años?

¿Cuáles son nuestras fortalezas?

¿Cuáles son nuestras pasiones, sueños y deseos a corto y largo plazo?

¿La persona que somos ahora es quien deseamos ser de verdad?

¿Qué cambios deberíamos hacer para acercarnos a nuestro «auténtico yo»?

Reevaluación de creencias y valores desafiando las creencias limitantes o poco saludables, y a trabajar en la construcción de una base de valores más sólida y coherente.

Búsqueda de significado y propósito guiándonos en la búsqueda de actividades, relaciones y metas que nos proporciones un mayor sentido de satisfacción y significado personal. ¿Qué es lo que nos hace sentir bien y realizados como personas en este momento?

Estrategias de afrontamiento, porque la crisis existencial puede generar ansiedad, depresión u otros problemas emocionales, para los que el psicólogo puede enseñar estrategias de afrontamiento efectivas para manejar el malestar emocional y fomentar la resiliencia.

post de Cristian Cherbit psicólogo online https://christiancherbit.com/

[gamersalad]

Outer Wilds - How I Became Entangled to One of the Best Games Ever

GIF from: Tenor

“There is no way to tell you what Outer Wilds is without spoiling it entirely. You have to experience it yourself. Besides, it only takes 22 minutes.” – A Redditor

Outer Wilds is a 2019 video game developed by Mobius Digital and published by Annapurna Interactive. It is a puzzle space exploration game that makes use of knowledge and experience as your key to progressing through the game.

I personally enjoy and love Outer Wilds for its amazing concept and world building. For a space exploration game, there is truly no other game as similar as Outer Wilds. Although the game may seem or look repetitive, all I can say is throughout that repetitiveness, comes a new opening of adventure, wisdom, and a story slowly unfolding ahead of you as you take one step with each run you make. It’s a progress that doesn’t make use of advancements, leveling up, or anything cliche from other progressive puzzle games, but instead seeks and asks you what you have learned and how you can use that knowledge in unlocking the next world.

Actually, I can’t even state that there’s a “next step” in Outer Wilds, given how it’s truly an open world game, where there are no restrictions or guidelines that you’re forced to follow throughout your playthrough - Outer Wilds uses curiosity and the freedom of the player to interact with its playground.

Accompanied with outstanding existentialism soundtracks, and interactable NPCs that you’d get to greet throughout the solar system, you the player becomes attached with its simple but wholesome storyline with the game.

GIF from: Tenor

I simply cannot say anything else about Outer Wild’s contents and nature of the game. As someone who has played Outer Wilds without any idea what the game has in store for me, it’s that sense that makes the game a wonderful, memorable, and “oh-I-wish-to-play-this-game-again-for-the-first-time” experience. For you to play Outer Wilds you must be attentive and thoughtful of your decisions, constantly asking what is the next thing you should do as the only hint you’ll ever have is yourself and the time you get to play the game.

Whatever happens next when you play Outer Wilds, I guarantee that it is something to not be feared. Embrace the unknown and let curiosity be your guide. Safe travels astronaut!

Interested in trying out the game? Why not check out the store!

🎮—————🥗

Post by Lou Anthony V. Laburada

[bloodtsuki]

One life, live it. It’s now or never. There’s a reason why we’re here. Answer the call. Live your purpose.

[yuumizi]

Im trying to be better everyday of my life.

Idk.

My life is pretty good actually.

Idc.

[criticfilm]

15 Popular Philosophical Films That Will Make You Question Everything! 🔥

[waves-of-thought]

When Darkness Sets In

But then, there are other times—darker times—when it feels like the universe is actively working against you.

Every step feels heavy, every move is met with resistance. You question everything: “How can things be so wrong? Am I losing my grip on reality?”

Even the simplest tasks feel impossible, as if you're wading through thick fog, lost and unsure.

Nothing seems to work, and every effort feels futile. In those moments, doubt seeps in.

You start to internalize the struggle, convincing yourself that maybe you’re the problem.

Hope fades, and the world feels like it’s closing in on you.

2/2

[mineofilms]

Hurricane FK'd

Ah yes, Category 6 hurricanes. They are like “This Is Spinal Tap’s:” “But this one goes to 11.” The thing is, there is no 11—the volume dial stops at 10, just like the hurricane scale stops at Category 5. It’s like we’re sitting here, staring at the devastation, and someone’s saying, “But what if it was a 5.1 storm?” As if that extra tenth is going to somehow crank the destruction up to a level we haven’t already hit.

Spoiler Alert: the roof’s still gone, the powers out, and your neighborhood’s a lake. Your bed is down the street and not because your Karen neighbor stole it... But hey, maybe we just need a new rating scale. One that goes to 11—because apparently, some people won’t be satisfied until a storm picks up their house and relocates it to another dimension other than the Twilight Zone we already occupy.

Help! I'm stepping into The Twilight Zone Place is a madhouse, feels like being cloned My beacon's been moved under moon and star Where am I to go now that I've gone too far? Soon, you will come to know when the hurricane takes my home…

Wondering about hurricane categories are we now? More specifically, the Category 5 rating and why we stopped there, as if Mother Nature might just politely say, "Okay, this is enough destruction. Let’s not go any harder." You ever know a drunk or an addict to ‘stop there?’ First off, no, there’s no such thing as a "Category 5.1" or a "Category 6." Yeah, Hurricane Ian in 2022 was a monster, and if anyone threw around the term "5.1," it was a way to give it that extra, "oh, shit, we’re proper Fucked," emphasis or click-bait because everyone’s an influencer now and needs your attention to make monies. However, technically, scientifically, and factually, Category 5 is where the Saffir-Simpson scale maxes out (1971). That’s because once you hit 157 mph sustained winds, you’re already looking at damage that can’t get much worse in terms of scale. It is now binary, black and/or white, zero and/or one. Most people that live in the binary world of decision making do not understand how binary works. They want to interject their opinion with a “but, followed by the long-winded explanation.” However, once you said “but,” your explanation/answer is null and voided. The only two answers allowed are; you are either Fucked or you are not. Once 157 mph winds are sustained we’re talking “everything is annihilated” levels of bad—roofs gone, power out, roads submerged, your backyard swing set now halfway across the state. An electrical pole that can range from 30 to 60 feet in height, about 2 feet in diameter weighing anywhere from 500 to 2,000 pounds being forced into the ground at a depth of around 6 feet, is either there snapped in half, uprooted or is nowhere to be found at all.

After 157 mph sustained winds it doesn’t matter. What more do you want? Here’s the thing: there’s a physical limit to how strong a hurricane can get. Planet Earth has its rules. There's only so much heat, moisture, and perfect storm conditions (pun fully intended) to fuel these behemoths. Sure, 200 mph hurricanes like Patricia (2015) have happened, but guess what? It's still Category 5. You get what you get. The whole point on five being the max is because once five is achieved the survival rate for everyone inside the storm drops to zero. That isn’t saying; “Holy shit, we really are going to die.” Zero probability in this context just means: — that mathematically; the chances of survival is not worth calculating because it is so small it might as well be zero. But not impossible, just not probable in terms of mathematical statistics. Those words do mean different things and can never be lumped together as one thing. Now, if you’re still holding out for a future Category 6 listing, good luck. Some scientists and influencers alike talk about it like it is a real talking point. They’ll use big phrases on their videos and in corners of climate change discussions, where the oceans heat up like someone left the oven on. I can see it being real only if superstorms become more frequent, then yeah, maybe one day we'll have a Category 6. But for now, they’d probably have to rewrite the scale and convince people to care about the difference between “devastating” and “really, REALLY devastating.”

In reality though, it’s like asking if we need a 10 on the Richter scale for earthquakes. Once the world starts shaking at a nine, your house is gone whether or not someone decides to crank up the number and call it a ten or higher. Does it even matter? Fucked is fucked, right? Hurricanes don’t give a damn about your feelings, opinions, categories or even knowledge. It cares not for likes, comments and subscriber numbers for advertisers that are all AI-driven now. Hurricanes don’t care what number we slap on them or how much we prepare for them. They’re coming, they’re massive, and they’re indifferent. Hurricanes don’t care about human concerns or emotions. They don’t change or adjust based on how prepared we are or how we label them. Whether we call it a Category 5, 6, or whatever, hurricanes just do what they do—destroy things—with no consideration for the impact on us. Sound familiar? “Listen, and understand! That Terminator is out there! It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop... ever, until you are dead!” — Kyle Reese, Terminator (1984)

Normally, hurricanes that form in the Gulf would head from west to east, giving Florida a solid smack right where it hurts. But these days, it’s like someone threw out all the old data and replaced it with a mess of data that looks more random than predictable. We’ve had 12 major hurricanes in the past seven years alone, depending what you deem “major” these days. I say if it kills people and destroys communities, yeah, that is “major” to me…  GAIA is no longer fucking about—these storms are hitting with enough force to rearrange coastlines let alone your living room furniture. Whether it’s Category 5 devastation or even a tropical storm to category 1 storm like Helene, causing floods, and a loss of life they refuse to report on the national news networks, all of them. We’re not just talking bad weather, we’re talking about the earth throwing a fastball pitch right at your skull with the intention to erase everything you used to be before the pitch was thrown.

They are forces of nature that are completely unaffected by anything we think, plan, or feel. Welcome to the tangibility of existentialism… It’s a bit like life itself. You can prepare, make all your plans, get your supplies in order—but when the storm hits, all that meticulous human planning is just paper in the wind. You think you're safe behind definitions and scientific scales, but hurricanes laugh in the face of our pathetic attempts to quantify their power. But hey, we humans need our definitions, categories and numbers. It gives us the illusion of control, the comfort that we can define chaos and control it. We cannot… This decision making process within us all just show how trapped we are in this, our own personal Matrix. Chaos doesn’t care about our lines in the sand, the bathroom you choose to piss in, the false-political leader you vote for, our spreadsheets of wind speeds and damage potential. It doesn’t care how much money you have in the bank, the monies or the bank itself as their own physical things. Category 5 could be Category Infinity, for all the difference it makes to your splintered home and uprooted life.

So yeah, call it Category 5.1, call it Category 6, whatever. Hurricanes aren’t listening. People aren’t listening, reading either. They are sharing though, oh boy, do they share. Hurricanes, they…

They are just coming…

Category Fucked by David-Angelo Mineo 10/12/24 1,352 Words

[neonmusicnow]

Why Do People Like Literally Me Characters?

Have you ever noticed how characters like Ken (Barbie), Ryan Gosling in Drive, or The Joker seem to captivate a generation disillusioned with reality? These “literally me” characters reflect our own struggles, tapping into something deeper and darker.

✨ Read More Below! ✨

The Appeal of “Literally Me” Characters:

It’s not their victories we root for, but their unraveling. These flawed antiheroes, struggling with existential crises, speak to a world disillusioned with the traditional hero. Their failures feel all too relatable.

[deathssubbymoondust]

Caught Between Moments and Madness

Done with uni, and it’s finally sinking in. there’s this strange sensation, like a door closing behind me and another one barely cracked open in front. i’m happy, sure, but there’s this emptiness too—a hollow space that used to be filled with the certainty of what comes next. now it’s just this vast, open question, and i feel like i’m already lagging behind, like life’s this marathon and everyone else is a mile ahead. how do you just exist in the moment when the future feels like it’s rushing at you, full speed, and you’re not even sure you’ve got your shoes on the right feet?

i saw my partner again, finally, and there’s something so grounding in our connection. i love the duality of us—the way we can slip between the sheets..., but also just be together, two souls tangled up in something deeper. it’s like we’ve built this world where i can be my messy, chaotic self, and he still looks at me like i’m something worth holding onto. i love him so fiercely, it almost scares me. but sometimes my feelings get all tangled up in knots, and i don’t know what to do with them. i shut down, like a machine overheating, and my mind whispers maybe it’s easier to break it all apart. it’s not him, not really, just this weird, temporary numbness that washes over me when i’m overwhelmed.

and work. god, the whole thing with the sexual harassment... it’s like, do men even hear themselves? he apologized, sure, but then he had the audacity to deny it all happened, to put the blame on me for not saying ‘stop.’ as if it’s not basic decency to know you shouldn’t touch someone without their consent. fuck that. fuck you, seriously.

right now, i’m just here, my thoughts a whirlwind of contradictions. i feel like i’m standing on a tightrope, balancing between happy and sad, good and bad, and it’s exhausting. adulthood is this weird, endless maze, and sometimes it feels like there’s no exit.

i keep telling myself i need to learn how to savor the moment, to find joy in the here and now, but my mind is always spinning with a hundred different ‘what ifs.’ i need to find new things that light me up, need a routine to steady me, need to get better, healthier. but it’s all so overwhelming, this constant pressure to do more, be more. sometimes i just want to scream into the void because it’s like i want everything and nothing, all at once.

so maybe, for now, i’ll just try to be. to sit with myself and all this messy, complicated stuff that makes up who i am.

it’s my life, after all. just mine. and maybe that’s the most terrifying and liberating thing of all.

[teacupofhought]

I spend too much time thinking lately.

In the past I will be thinking about future, what kind of person will I be, making plans on how to get there, do whatever I can to get myself closer to where I want to be, the person to become.

But I feel like I have been stuck in that condition for too long. I did everything that I can in my power, tried my best, pray my sincerest, keeping options open but nothing seemingly happen. I'm not getting closer to where I want to be and but I also have sacrified too much that it would hurt my pride if I just give up. This dream is too big for such a small girl. Is this a blessing or curse? Everytime an opportunity came I became scared, is this the one? When faced with rejection, I ponder endlessly. Is this a sign of a redirection or to stop? I don't know anymore.

[fixquotes]

"Everything has been figured out, except how to live"

- Jean-Paul Sartre