#existed and i promise that's not what makes someone evil or whatever

[straycalamities]

the fixation of fandom these days on there always being a Black and a White. A Right and a Wrong. A Villain and a Victim. is soooo fucking tragic and frankly REALLY DAMN ANNOYING

especially in stuff where like..if THAT'S your priority? you've missed the entire damn point. and yet it always is. so loudly.

look beyond your blorbo. your kintype. your CC. your f/o. look beyond your otp. look beyond your found family dynamic and actually absorb what's going on with the other characters. i'm begging.

honestly do a study on the characters you hate most or care about the least. take a half an hour to put yourself in their shoes

no this isn't an anti-shipping, anti-kinning, anti-selfship, or anti-blorboing post, because i don't think those are the things that inherently ruin characters or tags or whatever other ppl think. but if you do do that, it'll make it even better if you look at a larger scope beyond that as well I promise

[forthevillains]

Careful who you marry

Albert Wesker X fem! Reader

(I just love the idea of Wesker going soft, but also panicking after finding someone who genuinely cares for him)

Albert Wesker, the man people fear, the man responsible for countless of deaths, the cold blooded bioterrorist known to the world as pure evil. Though what if he had a cute little wife to hide? What if all that facade would go away the second he gets home and sees his precious darling.

Wesker isn’t the one to make his emotions clear, he’s not the one to love and on top of that, he thought that he wasn’t able to feel any emotion at all. He was never loved by anyone nor has he ever felt the emotion towards another human being. All he’s ever had was his sister and William Birkin, his only friend.

That though, changed once he met you. You, his loving wife, you who always listened to him, no matter what it was, no matter that you barely understood a word he was saying. You who always saw the better in him, the good side that no one thought existed at all. He was living his life, worried about the new world, worried about survival of his test subjects, worried about the future… But once you came in - he was suddenly worried of disappointing you much more.

You may have fallen for him first, but he definitely fell a lot harder. It was difficult for him, dealing with the sudden emotions, not knowing what is he to do, how to handle such situation. He would ignore you at first, distance himself even, wanting nothing more than to get rid off you and that addicting voice of yours that stayed in his head for days after talking to you.

That poor guy… Of course you didn’t leave. You insisted on being by his side, he was just a helpless soul, abandoned and left to die alone. It was difficult to keep up with him, especially for you, someone who’s still young, inexperienced, with the whole life ahead of you, but you managed it anyway.

Wesker loved you dearly, wanting nothing more than to protect you from the corrupted world, from the terror, from all the people that wanted him dead. Your innocence was something he promised himself to keep for you. He would never forgive himself if he ruined your life, he would never forgive himself if you hated to be by his side, if you hated him. Never in his life has he been this way and there’s still a part of him that is unsure of the decision, but whenever he thinks of a life without you - he realizes that he’d be better off dead.

On the other hand, he really tries for you, he’d even go as far as to tell you that he loves you, though it sure took a lot of time for him to find the nerves to say it out loud. And when he says it - he means it. Albert would surely spoil you, making up for all the time you have to spend alone, basically locked up while he works so that no one could hurt you. Whatever you want is yours, no matter how much it costs - he’s gonna buy it for you. When he comes to you by the midnight only to find you awake and waiting for him, there’s a small smile tugging at his lips at the realization of how much you missed him. He makes sure to wrap his arms around you tightly, planting small kisses in your hair as he squeezes your small form gently. You’ve created a home for him, something he loves to come back to at the end of the day. You’ve become his comfort, something he wasn’t used to and didn’t know he needed.

If Chris was about to find out about you, he’d be marked as dead. Immediately. Albert would be too concerned about losing you, about Chris telling you all about their past, about the terrible things he’s done and he can’t let that happen. No matter the good intentions he’s created in his own mind, he knows that you wouldn’t understand. And he can’t risk scaring you off now that the two of you have come this far. You’re stuck with him, loved by only him, protected from all the world’s wrongs, while your loving husband gets more and more blood on his hands just for you. It’s love after all isn’t it? A true husband would kill for his wife, right? He isn’t doing anything wrong… Though he’ll keep it away from you anyway, just in case. He tries so hard for you it’s making him look crazy:(

Just hope that you won’t want to get away from him, because he’s not letting you go, not after all he’s done for you, he’s gonna make sure of it.

[cephalon-celaeno]

update i REALLY didn’t like this quest. it’s just that usually i consider warframe to be a game with extremely competent writing and this is… hmm. not.

huh! I already knew I wouldn’t like this quest so my opinion doesn’t count but I don’t like this quest!

[stu-dyingstudent]

Sakura Haruno fic recs: ANBU ROOT

It only feels right to make my ROOT list now since I posted my ANBU fic list! Similarly to the shadow corps, ROOT had so much wasted potential it actually saddens me. Kishimoto had so many great ideas in Naruto that he just never fully fleshed out and it's a shame. One thing in specific is the whole Torune and Shino situation. Two words: wasted potential!!! It could've been so good and really developed on Shino (and the Aburame clan).

Anyway, once again since our knowledge on the stories and workings of ROOT are limited, this allows for some pretty interesting interpretations. Also, I actually saw an interesting comment the other day about how Sakura would've been a good candidate for the program because of her chakra control and lack of family influence in Konoha and I honestly have to agree. I might be a bit biased, but whatever. Enjoy some root!Sakura recs!

Also, try out my ANBU list (some overlap).

Started: 2024.08.13

Last Updated: 2024.12.19

note: feel free to check out my master list which has a bunch of Sakura Haruno fic recs (all organized)!

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The Small Postures - Celenier || ao3 || T || kakasaku || canon divergence || incomplete

Sakura acts as a spy for Tsunade when Danzo takes an interest in her. While earning her place in ANBU Root, she discovers her own path to greatness. She learns grim secrets about how her village operates, makes terrible enemies, and begins to appreciate the extent of her fractured personality.

The Small Postures was oddly disturbing to me... After Shikamaru is approached for ROOT, it's decided by the higher ups that someone more expendable should infiltrate to take the division down. Sakura is the chosen one, but at what cost? With Kakashi acting as her contact and her only confidant on the matter, how will this affect their relationship? Truth be told, I haven't gotten far enough for any sort of romance, so I have no comments there, but this fic is very well written and quite ominous at times.

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Black Bough - Re_Adrienne || ao3 || unrated || gen || root AU || ongoing

Sakura's parents are civilians.

It does not spare them.

In which Sakura forgets, Sai pretends, and Kakashi can't tell if he's failing the mission.

I really love this fic! Sakura joins ROOT just before her graduation after her parent's death and it's there she meets Sai. Years later the two of them are extracted by Kakashi and she is put under his watch as she readjusts. Part of the struggle is the known fact that she was supposed to be a member of Team 7, which causes some drama (?). There's some super interesting ROOT lore going on and I always have a soft spot for Sai and Sakura friendships!!

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Five Kingdoms for the Dead - Evil Is A Relative Term || ffn || M || canon divergence || complete

After the Forest of Death, Sakura comes to realize that being weak is no longer an option. However, she finds that change is sometimes painful and that truth doesn't always come easy. Luckily, she'll have some help along the way.

It's been a hot minute since I've read Five Kingdoms for the Dead, but I'm fairly certain there is some ROOT stuff going on in here! Nonetheless, this is a great fic with some really interesting worldbuilding.

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Trials of Change - Espoiretreves || ao3 || gen || time travel AU || complete

Haruno Sakura made a promise. Looking in the eyes of her Shisou and the reanimated Hokage, she took on the most important mission of her life. Go back in time and try to prevent the 4th Shinobi War. Now, Sakura is back to her 5-year-old body, with all the knowledge and haunting memories of the future. She vows to keep her precious people safe and stop certain events from happening, without altering the timeline too much. The trials her emotions and logic put her through have her questioning her very existence, but for the sake of peace, she has to push forward. No matter what.

Trials of Change is actually apart of a time travel series and I have to say that it is probably one of the best of the genre! This fic is the first of a series and the main focus is ROOT and taking down Danzo. I really adore all of the worldbuilding and backstories going on here in addition to the fact that there are breaks. Yes, the story keeps moving, but there are other things going on, like playdates, and not just Sakura trying to save the world. Also, if you love Shisui then definitely check this out since he has a huge role and his and Sakura's friendship is just so precious.

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cut the head off the snake - itsthechocopuff || ao3 || T || time travel AU || incomplete

when eighteen-year-old, post-war Sakura is thrown back into her tiny, pre-Academy body, she makes a decision. she'd had a childhood once already, and this time, she's more interested in Not Dying when the inevitable shit hits the proverbial fan. so she will work harder, care less, kill more, and smile when she's done.and hey, if she ends up reviving an extinct nature transformation to attract the most corrupt, power-hungry man from her timeline, all the better for her, right?

Such a unique take on a time travel AU and Cut the Head Off the Snake executes it perfectly. Sakura decides that her first order of business is to infiltrate ROOT and that's exactly what she does. Sai, Shin, and Shisui are all great characters and team Ro is present as well. Very good!

.

In Another World - eleventheeggo || ao3 || gen || T || orphan Sakura AU || ongoing

What if Sakura was an orphan instead of Naruto and Sasuke?A story about a socially stunted girl who has a thirst for knowledge and is surrounded by softies who love her all the same.

Orphan!Sakura is not something I knew I needed in my life! She is so precious and it's great to watch all of these characters come together for her sake. In Another World also discusses ROOT a bit, which you know I love, so I can't wait for the story to get there.

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Rooted - theRazorofOccam || ffn || T || gen || canon divergence || incomplete

In a universe where Sakura takes a wrong turn, she misses out on the apprenticeship with Tsunade, instead getting recruited by a very different mentor. Life turns out very differently from there on, as she takes the path of a very different kind of ninja. Updates on weekends, unless otherwise stated.

I can't remember too much, but it occurs during the time skip between og and shippuden. At a loss of what to do after her rejection from Tsunade, Sakura decides to join Danzo's program with hopes of becoming a better shinobi.

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parsley seed goes nine times to the devil - Mook_aron || ao3 || M || gen || root AU || one-shot complete

Slow to grow, quick to sprout, parsley seed goes nine times to the devil When she’s six, a man murders her family. The man is tall, and his features are burned into her mind. She won’t forget him- she won’t let herself forget him. Root Sakura au

Sakura is taken into ROOT at a young age and is assigned a mission to infiltrate team 7. Spoilers ig, but Sakura ends up telling Kakashi and what happens from there is sorta open ended. Great story

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I Watched a Change in You - YuffiesNinjaInsanity || ao3 || unrated || narusaku || time travel AU || ongoing

Naruto’s lying across from her, still bleeding out and with his lifeless blue eyes staring at her.

“It’s’kay, Naru.. be joining… you both soon.” She croaks.

Sakura gets sent back in time to a universe where everything is peaceful? She comes from a place where after Danzo's succession to the Hokage title, everyone is ordered to take up ROOT training and so adjusting back to a normal team proves difficult. Tbh, I found this fic kinda frustrating at times, but it's still pretty good.

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Hang Them Up (To Make Them Bleed) - classical_mess || ao3 || T || gen || root AU || one-shot complete

Sakura always used to think a lot of her career as a ninja, but she never thought she'd up here.

Fairly interesting one-shot where Sakura is recruited by Danzo after getting rejected as Tsunade's student. She spends some time in ROOT and Kiba helps her get out. This is on the moments leading up to Danzo's trial. I also quite liked how Tenten was helping out with the seal.

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Sakura - lilac haze || ffn/ao3 || M || minasaku || time travel AU || complete

AU. Non-Canon. Time Travel. Please see inside for full warnings. Cross posted on Ao3. On his deathbed he was granted eternal peace and place to rest for all of time. Of course that was not appealing to him. Ever unpredictable to the end he had a counter offer. One that the Sage had to consider. In which Sakura's going to have a rough time. A really rough time.

I cannot believe that I forgot to add this fic when I initially published my ROOT list!!! Anyway, really good time travel fic with a doomed romance between Minato and Sakura. You watch them, well, Sakura, grow from a young child to an adult and all of the trouble and tragedy that comes her way. Pretty interesting and dark ROOT stuff going on in here.

Check TWs before hand!!

---

Anyway, that's all for now!

[unlimitedbutchworks]

I think my biggest issue with the post you made (where you screenshotted medusadyke's post) is like... if dozens or hundreds of gay men On This Website were talking openly about having pedophilic kidnapping fantasies, confessing to engaging with art depicting sexual abuse of minors, finding it erotic & jacking off to it, admitting they wish it could happen in real life, & then in addition to all of that ALSO claiming that those things are innately part of Gay Culture and that it's homophobic to criticize them for it, other gay men would be ABSOLUTELY CORRECT to criticize them for it & condemn the behaviour. That's what's going on with transfems on this website -- as a trans woman, I am seeing COUNTLESS trans women claiming that it's Innately Transfem to indulge your paraphilias (including paraphilias) and encourage them and wish you could act them out in real life, which I think is absolutely deranged and only serves to paint the transfem community at large with a negative brush. We're not just baselessly calling trans women pedophiles for no reason or because we have "internalized transmisogyny" or anything, we're critizing them for 1. engaging in pedophilic behaviour, and 2. conflating pedophilia with transfemininity and claiming it's transmisogynistic to condemn that behaviour. We're just going around doing spooky scary hands at random trans women and claiming they're pedos based on nothing. We're actually -- surprisingly -- specifically motivated by NOT thinking it's normal for trans women to be pedophiles and NOT wanting people to view us that way.

Nope! You have lost the plot. The way society at large sexualizes and sees us as demons is not because of the sparse existence of a few shitty trans women ““indulging their paraphilias””, whatever the hell thats supposed to mean, holy shit lol. And you have to be joking if you want to call this “criticism” when I’ve watched her mutuals move to making up pedo accusations about trans women completely baselessly out of thin air as something to tack into a callout post, this is a bad joke. There are not hundreds or even dozens of trans women genuinely saying this about transfemininity, you are falling face first into your biases that lead you and the rest of society to see innocent trans women as predators by reading the worst out of what one may have said and applying that worst-case reading to other members of her marginalized gender group for no reason aside from their shared gender, which is discrimination, even when you do it to trans women and even when they’re really extra bad ones we promise this time.

The drive to search for and excise this specter of an Actually Evil Tranny is something i watch get used monthly to do fun things like call random innocent women rapist scum or pedophiles for having consensual sex with their adult partner in a way someone else doesnt approve of, for making posts calling video games annoying, or for saying that lesbians who praise virulently transmisogynistic lesbian culture are probably shitty. You can say you’re doing “criticism” all you like, but all you are doing are confirming your own preconceived notions and taking it out on other trans women, and this will be obvious every time the transmisogynists equate consensual sex between trans women as sexually violent, harassing, or dangerous. And like again no one is seriously saying pedophilia is transfeminine, and if they did you’re kind of insane for assuming other trans women are just okay with and agree with that or have a naturally shitty moral fiber or something, you have just completely lost the plot, no one else is expected to constantly say they’re not pedophiles be so real with me lmao. At most a few people are being gross or posting kink you read into cruelly, and i know there’s a bunch edgily joking about it to get people like you to unfollow them and save them from watching more pedohysterics; which is something we call “maybe a little in bad taste”, a category of being annoying or shitty that isn’t equatable to actual fucking sexual abuse.

Also, “Paraphilias” are still an arbitrary and garbage way to try to understand and pathologize sexuality that basically just means weird, and resultingly being attracted to trans or fat people is placed in the same category as sexually abusing children, among other insane pathologic and arbitrary shit. You need to understand abuse is not about desire. You need to come to understand that the problem with sexual abuse is the abuse; pedophilia is not a problem of Dangerous Perverted Deviants corrupting the fucking youth and spreading mind poison (again, you have fallen for reactionary sex politics hook line and sinker here), CSA is normalized as fuck in our society and happens most frequently as a symptom of power to hold over someone and to enforce norms. Failing to understand this and (reactionarily!) focusing on the construction of the Deviant Pedophile instead only makes it easier for ‘normal’ people in positions of normalcy and power to abuse that power. You’re lost! Please think critically and honestly for a while.

[slime-sandwhich-nom]

New tawog headcanons because I have nothing to do

Leave me be

They'll never stop

- once gumball tried cheerleading with penny (this time without embarrassing himself to the judges) but honestly all he could do was jump higher than her.

He can fold like paper and yet he can't do what she can do

Unless he's stuck somewhere, because then he'd be doing backflips.

- penny and gumball met at the park actually. When they were little.

penny liked to read, instead of playing with gross and chaotic children, and gumball..just didn't like people lol

he did enjoy climbing stuff and play around but he usually left the socializing part to Darwin.

So, gumball had nothing to do so he sat down next to penny on a bench, because he was waiting for Darwin, and she was quiet so he didn't mind sitting there.

they had a small talk but nothing too big, they became small friends, then met again in middle school.

- Darwin wasn't allowed in the park for a while because he traumatized a bunch of kids before (accidentally.)

- gumball promised to not become sappy and corny like everyone whenever they got a partner but he very much failed.

- if gumball gets asked who would he want to kiss, I'd be penny, if penny wasn't an option he'd say Tobias or something

Or himself

- we all know gumball is a jealous cat, and you bet he stares down and plans multiple ways of killing whatever boy that talks to penny that he isn't sure won't try and steal her. heck he's so jealous he even tried it with Darwin!

penny has to stop him because last time it was a spirit of jealousy, this time it's gumball being clinically insane and jealous. Bad combo.

- gumball is scared of tiny spiders but he could potentially (and probably already did) pick a fist fight with a bear or a crocodile, or both.

You know those cats who chase bigger animals and those bigger guys are scared and run away? Gumball.

- Darwin is the one who pays, gumball is the one who freeloads (he has the money but doesn't wanna spend them.)

- gumball was exactly like Anais when he was 4-5, aside from Darwin he had no friends whatsoever. But it's not because no one wanted to talk to him, it's because he didn't wanna talk to anyone.

- gumball thinks Anais just needs a little bit of time to get a friend, her situation is weird and he knows that, a 4 year old around 10-12 year olds is tough but soon she'll meet someone, he's sure.

- penny likes games like animal crossing, gumball is more for the resident evil,bendy and the ink machine, amnesia, stuff like that.

but, gumball did install animal crossing (cracked because he refused to pay anything) just so penny is happy with taking care of her and his island (she makes matching and cute couple stuff, stuff like that)

- gumball talks so much about rob because he knows that if he doesn't keep reminding everyone that he exists, he'll be back in the void. And gumball feels bad about that so he tries to avoid that as much as he can.

- Darwin has to pay to watch films, games and stuff like that because then he feels bad. Gumball embraced fully the illegal sites to install games and watch films.

- gumball can speak french. And he tends to use British words rather than American ones (like biscuit or pavement.)

This is a reference to the fact that the Wattersons are a caricature of the creator of the show Ben Bocquelet and his family, and Ben is a british-french animator and director.

- gumball's favorite thing at the park is the swing, he constantly wishes for people's downfall if they come in before him to use the swing.

Darwin likes to play with sand \^_^/!

- gumball is an introvert and doesn't like going first to talk to someone, but since Darwin is too shy for it, he forces himself to go and start a convo or ask for something.

- penny was the one who talked first to gumball, if it wasn't for her getting the courage to speak to her crush, gumball wouldn't even know she existed. (Now he's down bad for her.)

- penny and gumballs dates consists on playing videogames or eating at joyful burger. They are not romantic ever

- Darwin and Carrie ARE big romantics, super romantic dates forever

Literally you can see them with flowers at the fancy ass restaurant and the super expensive clothes and gifts

- gumball when he was wayyy younger, back when he was 4-5, he scared his parents way too much.

It was because of him being aware, so he was just odd for people, but sometimes his mother just thought he was hallucinating or something.

Darwin just found it funny, but there were moments where gumball was mad scary because he sounded frickin insane.

Y'know, imagine your kid talking about being watched by an imaginary audience.

- Richard does dad jokes. Only gumball laughs at them. In return, gumball does them to Darwin.

- Richard was a pretty fun dad, he made jokes, fun games and he somewhat managed to take care of gumball and his craziness.

He's still like that, he just sleeps way more. (Much to gumball's liking.)

- Anais Is a daddy's girl. Gumball is a mom's boy (not in the toxic sense.) and Darwin is a mix of both.

-

Gumball: you're killing my tough guy personality

Penny: who's a good kitty?

Gumball: meeeeee :3

- if gumball gets too quiet he's either plotting or he's going to scream because he's too overwhelmed by people and noises. Usually the tail and ears give it away.

- penny has a very very ugly laugh. Like yeah she's gonna be loud and snort, will sound like a pig eating

Gumball doesn't mind anymore, at first it simply scared him because he would randomly hear a snort

- gumball's Saturdays consist of sunbathing all day.

- Penny's a peanut and Leslie is a flower. How is that? Especially since they are cousins.

Both flowers and peanuts grow on the ground. And for sure either Leslie's mom or dad is one of Penny's parents sibling

So let's go with, let's say. Patrick.

Patrick is a peanut, and so is Leslie's dad. their father, or mother, if not both, were flowers! (Because peanut plants do have a flower!!!)

Patrick went with another peanut, and so he had two other peanuts

Leslie's father went with a flower, and grew a flower!

(though, I'm assuming they planted different seeds. Because if they planted the same seed, Leslie would have been also a peanut. So, I imagine Leslie's mom was "infertile" and so "adopted" or had a surrogate to "give birth" [planting another seed] to her child, which was leslie. A flower.)

((yes mammals give birth, birds lay eggs, so do fish and I imagine the objects or plant directly plant the seed of their kid or ""create"" their child like the toast kid. Forgot his name, sorry HAHAH.))

- Anais and gumball are both bunnies and cats. They are a mix.

Gumball has some slight traits and behaviors of a bunny, but he's like 99% cat and 1% bunny.

Same goes for Anais.

(technically there's some rat genes around too.)

- gumball is definitely that cat that has beef with every other cat in the neighborhood

- gumball is down bad but penny is down bad harder

- people keep saying they see clear similarities between gumball and Nicole, and gumball doesn't understand if it's a good thing or not. Because usually when they say that they mean the scary part of his mother.

- Patrick doesn't hate gumball, he was simply scared for his little girl. he was scared his little girl would have ended up being heartbroken, cheated on, or worse, nothing personally against gumball, just some paranoia.

But seeing how happy they are with each other, and how happy gumball makes her, it's not something Patrick is against. As long as his daughter is happy then it's all good.

He's still skeptical about the shell though, but it's nothing about gumball.

- penny and gumball both have a pretty short temper, actually. I guess both took it from one specific parent.

- gumball used to meow loudly at his parents door so they would get up and he could tell them he threw up on the floor. (Occasionally he would do that for Darwin too.)

-

Darwin: gumball no.

Gumball: gumball yes.

Darwin: ...

Gumball: gumball no.

- (these are headcanons I have showed before, but I wanna say them again :3)

Darwin, Richard and Anais are the autism gang 😈🔥

Darwin has the + separation anxiety, and Anais Is also hyper intelligent.

Richard was hit by being babied his entire life and he doesn't have the basics.

gumball has dyslexia and dyscalculia! Along with anxiety (his human version has also amnesia. cat gumball just sleeps 16h a day.)

Nicole has anger issues. And is a workaholic.

- gumball...does not understand kisses. like, the gesture.

And it's kinda weird to do it as well, he usually just puts his face on you and that's it.

He knows it's a way to show affection, so he does it instead of his usual language (because apparently people don't get that him headbutting his own brother isn't beating him up but is actually showing affection) but he still does not get it.

He just. Mimics, per se. he mimics others who do it (like penny to him) because he knows people will get it more than his headbutting.

- penny sometimes looks up documentaries or facts about cats to understand his own boyfriend better

- yes gumball and Nicole drink like actual cats do.

- Tobias probably had some kind of thing going on with ocho. I bet.

- gumball and tina hang out every Friday!!! Sometimes you can see gumball rub himself on Tina's leg.

- gumball bites ice cream.

- Nicole's ex is masami's mom. They dated in middle school, but during the last year Nicole got feelings for Richard.

And..shit happened (nothing too angsty. Nicole and masami's mom just broke up and Nicole then went for Richard.)

Nicole bisexual arc I must say.

- gumball enjoys watching those gacha life videos.

- I did say this before but I'll say it again because it's funny af

gumball did went to that party, did got drunk and did beat the shit our of dream. Next day, all over the news. Everyone was talking about it. Every single kid in Elmore Jr high. The only one who don't know are the parents.

Darwin hates gumball for it because he came back at 3am or something, drunk, telling him the entire story

- gumball is the one who would joke about you being gay (he's gayer.)

-

Leslie: hey, I'm gay

Gumball: you owe me 5 dollars

- gumball likes to be on top of Darwin's head, like that one video of that dude screaming while he has a cat on his head.

-

Tobias: fuck

Gumball: watch your FUCKING language, man! Darwin is here.

Darwin: i

-

[tassodelmiele]

Noisy little mess

Hi sweetie ⁓

Here we are, it's finally monday and we can hope again in having a good, productive week (please let it be a sunny one too I can't hibernate in April I need my photosynthesis).

I'm wondering what do you think of this little work of mine, so if you feel like it you can write me whatever comment/question/any various and possible magical shit.

Have a good chocolaty day ⁓

DISCLAIMERS: little bit of touching and hints about sub/dom relationship! Finally my kinks are emerging! (evil laugh); Ghost-who-needs-to-make-peace-with-his-brain x Reader-who-needs-to-learn-how-to-shut-up; "How to be a psychologist without a degree" (by John Price); embarassing mission I hope does not exist in reality, but i needed it for plot's sake; little bit of wounds and scars (Doc.'s gonna tie you and Ghost up to a chair for the rest of your life); yelling and fighting and arguing (you're used to it by now).

..................................................

Fourth part here:

..................................................

«Why the hell you've let her-»

«MacTavish»

Price swallows through the smoked breath, clenching his fingers around the consumed cigar just to distract himself from the willingness to punch a wall, or the Sergeant's face.

«I've already had Ghost yelling at me for half an hour. Spare me»

«Then explain yourself, Cap.»

«I can't. I've no explanation. She'd done it by herself»

«She's no insubordinate»

«Not in that sense». He sighs. «I told her no. I knew it was too much for a rookie». He chews the extinguished cigar for a while, taking his time. «Laswell agreed. But that goddamn girl managed to convince Kate, somehow»

«How come?»

«Dunno. But she's already feeling bad enough, and she was the one who's got to rescue the girl»

«Laswell?? Ye serious?»

Price nods, eyes locked at the door in front of them. The doc entered almost one hour ago.

«And» Soap dares to ask «is Laswell…uhm…»

«She's ok» the Captain anticipates him. «Nothing broken. But the rookie…». He sighs again, scratching the bridge of his nose, pushing lightly his digits on the eyes. «I don't like soldiers wasting their lives like this. Especially good ones»

«The mission had to be done anyway»

«We could have waited for a better plan»  

He takes a last chew on the cigar, spitting it on his glove before squeezing the leftover crumbles in his fist. He throws everything in a trashcan, then gazes at Soap.

«We've got shit to do, Sergeant. We'll come to check her later»

«They've done something bad to her». That wasn't really a question, even if Soap hopes to be wrong. «Am i right?»

«What came up in that bloody lil' head of yours?»

Three gunshots in your arm (the right one, 'cause luck kicks you in the ass as always), one blade wound and various bruises, just to complete the masterpiece. Doc sent you out of the bed with a promise: to try to not touch the medications.

One in particular.

You didn't even want to eat, but you need to. So breakfast has started, with chocolate scent, closed stomach and two pairs of gaze on your red face. You've tried to avoid contact with every human being in the base, but someone's got a good sense of smell for you. And you eventually end up with Soap and Gaz surrounding you with their (legitimate) questions.

You're blushing like hell, stirring oatmeal crumble in the mug with your eyes drowning into it.

«…I've thought…i could be helpful»

«You're a brave kid, but that was-»

«Stupid» Soap ends the sentence. «To say the least». He finishes his coffee in a sip, swallowing the hot liquid in a rush. «It wasn't a rookie's work, ye should've known» 

You nod in embarrassment. «I did know»

«Then why?»

«'Cause…» you swallow, burying your eyes more into the mug, scratching the cuticles skin out of the nails. «…a girl was required. For the mission»

«Hold on» Gaz grabs your shoulder, lowering his voice. It was a confidential subject, not the one to speak about in a crowded dining room. But he keeps on with his curiosity anyway. «It was about weapons traffic, wasn't it?»

You nod.

«Then why a girl?»

You're about to answer, your mouth's already open even if you're not sure if filling them with a temporary lie, or just spit the truth.

Another sudden press on your shoulder takes you off from every doubt.

A big hand grabs you firmly, squeezing skin and bones underneath your uniform. Your body instantly shivers, tightening under the hold. You raise your head a little, but you know whose mask you're gonna jump into.

Ghost has the magical power to bring back the silence. He doesn't even have to speak, just a glare of his is enough. His look hits Soap and Gaz as to say: shut your bloody mouth; and they just roll their eyes at the ceiling, as to say: but we wanna know 'bout her mission, damn it.

Then he lowers on you just that tiny bit that's needed to let you feel his body heat closer, so warm against your cold limbs.

«Your presence is required» he says quickly, almost murmuring against your ear.

And here you are, walking behind his massive figure with eyes lowered on the ground, following his feet at a security distance through the base. He stops a couple of times to talk with someone, moments in which you play camouflaging with the wall; then you two reach a door, and you're so into not-seeing in front of you that you don't even look at where you are. 

He closes the door behind you, and only after a few seconds of embarrassment you find the bravery to mumbling:

«W-who required me?»

«I do»

Your heart skips a beat before your ears could collect his voice and your synapsis could elaborate its meaning. That's when you suddenly raise your sight, finding him clinging on the desk while looking at you through the mask, and even if you can't see his face it's pretty clear that he's judging you. You can read it on the skull, as there's an imaginary -but very perceptible-  neon writing saying: You're a bloody stupid gnome.

Voice escape through your lips automatically: «I'm sorry»

«'Bout what?» he kinda calls you out, pressing with his sternness on your pathetic whimpers.    

Your eyes lower again.

«…causing trouble-»

«Just that?»

You nod. You don't wanna talk about what kinda trouble; but he does.

«Take off your shirt»

Your brain flashes a sudden error signal, allowing you to shiver and wrap your arms tight around yourself. 

«…sir?»

Stupid question. You know why he's asking, the goddamn doctor had probably told him.

«Your shirt» he repeats, not moving from his place.

Two days ago, you would have started a war about this, yelling at him without regrets, brave enough to fight against your superior like two children between one small bucket. 

Not now. Now you just stand in your special spot in the office, allowing your body to move just what is needed to breathe, eyes locked on the floor. You feel him growing impatient, sighing through the mask as you're disappointing him.

«'K. If that's so…»

The sentence remains hanging in the air, and in a matter of seconds, without getting aware of how fast he came toward you, his hands are on your shoulder. You instantly panic but you're too small to fight against his weight that's pushing you against the door, pinning you still with an hand on your breastbone while the other runs to your shirt's hem.

You grab his wrist in a stupid attempt at stopping him, but he lifts the shirt up in one movement, revealing bruises, a bloody bandage, and…a little scar slightly under the belly button, fresh from the oven and still shiny from some medical gel: the writing made out of fire burns on your skin in an elegant gothic style. 

He stares at it, contemplating that swallowed piece of tattooed skin. Your face becomes so red you could spontaneously combust in this exact moment.

«Who made it?» he burst out, whispering harsh words.

You swallow hot air, digging your dry throat and hoping that whatever's gonna come out of your mouth will be the most sensible as possible.

«It's…it…traffic wasn't just 'bout weapons»

«Humans» he talks over immediately. 

You nod your head, specifying with a swallow: «women» 

«You've sneak in as a good to be sold»

«There was no other way to-»

«And they've marked you» his voice's not that high, but you're whispering enough to make it easy for him to have the upper hand on you. You become quiet, avoiding his sight, with your hands still wrapped around his wrist.

«Are you proud?»

The question wasn't expected, spitted roughly through his mouth. You clench your digits, digging in his gloves.

Then you nodd.

«Yes» the answer is a breath, warmth by your boldness and the consciousness that you've done what had to be done. And none would have taken that awareness from you. You eventually lift your sight a little, meeting his mask, letting the skull shape fill your eyes.

«Yes, I am»

You know he's looking at you as if he's got an idiot under his sight. You feel him judging, investigating your behavior, interrogating your posture. And you, trapped between a scary giant and a door, with his cold glove pressed where your belly still hurts, you dare to stare at him for one whole minute.

It seems enough: he lets you go, shaking your hands away from his wrists as he stands in all of his height against you.

«Good soldiers come home alive, little gnome»

«…it's a curious scolding from one who lives a dangerous life»

«I've already told ya: you don't know me»

«But i'm neither deaf nor blind»

«Buy a bloody mirror then». He takes two steps back, letting you breathe freely for the first time since you've entered the room. «Ya can say you see us clear, but speaking of seeing yourself…I can't say the same»

«I know me»   

«It seems not»

Blood starts to rush to your brain as the embarrassment turns into a mixed spoonful of anger and bitterness. You follow him, still at security distance, toward his desk. «Why? 'Cause you've caught me touching myself once and I made one bloody moan?»

«'S not that, and we've already talked enough 'bout it» he mumbled, pretending to not pay attention as he looks through some documents on the table.

«Oh, oh sure! Now we've talked enough about it» your arms end up crossing on your chest. «after you've ripped my elbow»

«It was just a nerve»

«Judicially irrelevant» 

«Shut your bloody mouth»

«Why? 'Cause you've told me s-»

«Yes»

You freeze; that was a cold, hard stone order. He's got his knuckles clenched on the table, his back's muscles are visibly breathing under the pressure of maintaining a glint of calm. 

«You» he turns at you, pointing a finger at your freezed face «you are a goddamn idiot, one of the worst species. I've tried to convince myself you weren't actually so stupid but, damn god, was i right in the first place»

Guilt assaults you with a knife at your throat, for reasons you don't know. And you find your eyes lower, your spirit evaporated, your anger extinguished under his glare. You try to mutter:

«I've just done my duty-»

«You threw away your life»

«The mission had to be done, that was our last possibility to catch that damn illegal traffic» you rush, raising your voice to grow some confidence in your speech «Laswell needed a woman and i just did my damn work!»

And he almost barks back, raising stern and furious eyes at you: «than what 'bout asking someone more experienced, you bloody asshole?!»

«'Cause it was needed a woman with-!». You suddenly stop, biting your inner cheek as a last word slips, almost like a whisper, through your lips: «…inclinations»

He's left speechless for a while, standing in front of you with the finger still hanging toward your figure. You swallow; you know he's going to ask more, and that's just 'cause you can't keep your mouth shut.

As if you've called it, he spit out a terse: «Explain»

You sigh. This would be a great time to sink ten meters underground.

«I» you start gesticulating, drawing figures in the air with your hands «I am…i-»

You expect him to joke about your incapability of connecting two words together; but he remains silent, looking at you almost with curiosity. And you're forced to keep on talking.

«…I like certain things people don't usually…agree to do» you force words outside your mouth, with cheeks on fire and eyes buried on the pavement.

His conclusion wastes no time to come:

«You're a submissive»

It's not a question, it's a truth and it hits you like a brick in the face, as if he'd already understood your particular nature till the beginning. There's no need for more explanation: you know what kind of submissive he's referring to, and he evidently knows just enough about the subject to grin, just a little, under the mask.

«The target was known for his…peculiar sexual tastes». The additional clarification was not necessary, but he gives it anyway. He let out a soft chuckle, almost like he's having fun thinking about it. «I can't believe that Laswell really rely on this stupid trick»

You would really clarify how much Laswell fought against your will to volunteer for that risk, but your voice is gone under the embarrassment. Your digits are digging into cuticles again, and you're about to pretend to not exist, turn your heels and just go away.

And you don't even notice he's got closer again, till he forces your face up by roughly grabbing your cheeks in one hand. 

The disappointment is palpable.

«You've run into that perv's den alone, risking yourself for a mission you knew you couldn't handle…just to satisfy your throbbing cunt?»

That hit you worse than every other thing he's thrown at you till now. Your cheeks catch fire in his hands, guilt choke air in your lungs and poisonous butterflies eat your stomach, whispering through the entrails: he's right.

But you don't want him to be right.

«I've just decided to put every weapon I've got at your service» you spit out.

His grip gets tighter. «Sure thing. And what have you gained? Apart of a saving operation that wasted everyone's time, of course»

«Mission was completed»

«We would have found another way to do it, rookie»

«But I did it» you grab his wrist, trying again to escape from his hold. «And i'm alive, so why the hell are we even talking about-»

It happens all of a sudden: he pushes you again against the door, harder and roughly enough to make your spine squeak on it. You hold a yell, and one second after you can't breathe anymore.

He holds you by your mouth, pushing on your face with his whole hand open, while the other runs down right under your belly, squeezing on your crotch like it's made of play dough.

«This is no playfield». His voice is almost a growl murmur in your ear as he lowers enough to overcome you with his bigger body. «Soldiers have morals. And dignity. Maybe 's not clear to your pretty little brain. So: watch» and he speaks slowly, growling coldness with tongue maid of sharp metal, his eyes on you with that goddamn mask supply (and you're sure you're gonna dream about his sight forever) «your. Bloody. Mouth. Kitty» 

The nickname, the grip on your pants, the fact that you're breaking your personal apnea record…just burn your brain. And, in a loss of breath, trying so desperately to find a way out of that embarrassment while freezing your hormones that are already running too low on your body…

You bite him.

You sink your teeth in his glove as hard as you can, ripping off that goddamn dignity he was speaking about, letting the residual rage work as a fuel for your mouth. He suddenly jerks with a step back, catched by surprise, tearing his hands away, and to do so…he pushes with the other hand on your lower belly.

On your goddamn freshly engraved and barely healed tattoo.

On the scar the doc pleaded with you not to touch.

You spit his glove out of your mouth, yelling like your vocal chords have turn into a megaphone.

Ten minutes later, you two are waiting outside of the infirmary.

The knock on the door doesn't distract him, too focused pretending to find his paperwork attractive.

Price gets in without invitation.

«Just a word» he sits at the desk, usual hat at his place and cigar climbing from his lips «between me and you»

Ghost doesn't lift his sight.

«I've talked with doc-»

«I don't need to be scold 'bout it, if that's what ya'r here for»

Price sighs a low, maybe a little bit too paternal: «Ghost-»

«If you two» Simon raises his voice a little «believe in trusting every goddamn rookie, sending them risking their bloody neck just 'cause they've told you how good they are at shaking their ass-»

«You've already yelled about it, give my ears a rest. In any case, Laswell made the best choice in her position» Captain talks over him. «And I agree with her. We couldn't lose that opportunity, Simon»

«She didn't even managed to end the mission alone»

«But the rookie did a great job. Only problem was taking her out of that shit»

«You can't seriously call a kink exploitation one "great job"»

«She's a soldier. We're not here to babysit, risking our life 's part of our contract»

Silence. 

Price starts to get nervous, feeling some mixed emotions that he really can't stand at six in the evening. He suddenly stands up, patting both hands on the desk, taking a deep breath before exhaling a long, almost exhausted: 

«There's nothing bad in making friends with your allies…»

Ghost is already rushing an "i don't need friends" kinda sentence, but Price anticipates him:

«Me too, i've made friendships on the battlefield that i hope will last as long as my bones will walk on the dirt. Then, we could die together and be happy in whatever hell God'll decide to send us. But» and his "but" was final «i know what you're doing here. Stop it. It's gonna be draining, for the both of you»

Ghost spits out: «I'm doing nothin'», too rushed, then muttering: «Don't even like her»

«I don't care who you like. You can marry whoever you want, you've got my approval»

«For fuck's sake Price-»

«Wanna delete her from your eyesight? Just look straight in front of you from now on. Wanna keep an eye on her?» John raises his hands, throwing Ghost's embarrassment in the air while admitting with the most honest attitude: «Sure. Ok. I keep an eye on you all every goddamn minute of my life. She's not a princess, though. And ya'r not a bloody knight»

Silence becomes again the king in the office. Price is still fixed in his extreme openness, ready to give his Lt. the best suggestions on how-to-not end up again at the infirmary with that goddamn rookie (before the doc kills the both of them).

Then Ghost finally raises his gaze.

And Price has a bad sensation in his guts, almost like he'd said something he shouldn't have.

«Keeping…an eye on her» Simon repeats, lost in thoughts.

John nodds, hesitating before leaving the office.

..................................................

[princess-of-the-corner]

AFO: I have to give them some credit they managed to outdo me.

Yoichi: Yeah stealing DNA, creating children to be heroes and their respective villain, and doing all that under the guise of "good organization". That takes the cake.

Bruce: I think this even tops the Malaysia incident. At least you were honest in the evil intent.

Nana: ...I hate that I'm curious enough to ask but, what was the Malaysia incident.

AFO: So there was this awful cartoon where a character said they blew up Malaysia and-

Honestly yeah he just. Has a lot of feelings on the situation!\

And yeah some are personal in the sense of "Hey how dare you do this to me?!"

Then yes it's

He;s done plenty of fucked up shit. And is aware of the way he's manipulated people and made kids like Tenko into Villains and let other kids like Aoyama live out their dreams as Heroes in exchange for favors and played with the whole thing of crafting the story himself.

But

1.) He's a Villain. He's an evil bastard. And while he'll say anything to manipulate others, he doesn't lie to himself about what he is. He's under no delusion that he's doing something good. These people are supposedly the 'good guys' doing this and still try to maintain that they're doing good.

and

2.) While he's done a lot, he's never really dipped into the idea of making someone from scratch.

And there's multiple reasons for that!

The most basic of which is that it's far easier to manipulate a pre-existing situation rather than create one from scratch. Like, sure. He can give some kid a made-up backstory of why AfO is their caretaker and lie to them about morality and all. But unless the kid lived that trauma, it's not going to mean as much to them and not going to give them that conviction. Not to mention other factors like nature vs, nurture because for all his manipulations of this child, they might still somehow lean too kind-hearted/easily swayed by a Hero trying to save them. Plus god forbid the betrayal the kid might feel if they were to find out AfO's tragic backstory for them was a lie!

No no. Much better to keep an eye on kids with promise and drag them to Villainy via manipulation when a situation arises.

But also!

At his core, AfO is a fucking nerd when it comes to Quirks. He appreciates them all and the potential they have. While he logically knows about the idea of trying to create a neat Quirk that way..... it doesn't interest him nearly as much as utilizing whatever Quirks land in his lap.

Like sure there;s the Nomus and all but let's be honest: not only is that less 'creating a new Quirk' and more stacking abilitiles, but /also/ I'd consider the Nomu more Dr. Garaki's project than AfO's. Like AfO is giving the guy the funding and resources and utiliizing the results, but that's not his project the way it's Garaki's.

[astridthevalkyrie]

so idk how mha is gonna end but obviously the moral of the story we’re going for here is that everyone deserves to be saved and heroism is about saving people no matter what. that’s great! i’m guessing some or all of the league is going to survive and be put into some kind of rehabilitation center (toga and spinner seem the most likely to me for now but who knows). and i’m fine with that i like the overall message of it.

but how are they going to deal with the fallout from the league’s victims? i get the feeling that they’re not, or it’ll be a one-off like “some ppl were upset we didn’t jail or kill the villains but the heroes calmed them down” or something like that. i mean. whoever in the LOV it is would have to show remorse eventually, for one thing, for them to be any different than the corrupt hero system. but even then, all the families of whoever machia trampled on during the war arc, are they just gonna be cool with this? mind you I don’t think that anyone in the LOV should be killed or jailed rather than rehabilitated, but i wonder if the show is going to bring up that anyone who dabi or toga killed won’t get a second chance. they won’t get rehabilitated, they’re just gone. how are their families and friends going to deal with what society deems as an appropriate punishment for them?

i think this message also could’ve been conveyed better if we had more prominent “corrupt” heroes aside from endeavor and hawks. the top ten minus them and the irrelevant guy who retired after the war arc are all portrayed narratively as good people. iida’s brother is attacked by stain for no real reason at all aside from not being all might. all might’s heroism ends up being bad for society overall yeah, but so much of that is because of who toshinori is as a person rather than hero society (which does play a part but if toshinori just hadn’t pushed himself to be the best and number one savior for everyone there wasn’t necessarily any society forcing him to until after he’d already showed them he could do it).

PLUS the existence of afo offsets this message. everyone can be saved…..besides the real super evil people?? if, and I’m not saying they do, shigaraki and afo had the same kill count, is the lack of a sad childhood the only thing that makes afo beyond redemption? i mean he might not be gone gone if he’s still inside shigaraki’s mind or whatever, but that doesn’t change the fact that the heroes were trying to kill him too. narratively, why was all might in the right for killing him all those years ago when hawks was in the wrong for killing twice? because twice was kinder? because twice was neurodivergent??

mha also a little bit contradicts itself because. hero society is exposed post war arc. civilians have every right to be mad that their current number one is an abuser and that the heroes failed and couldn’t protect them. but theeeen, we have ochako’s speech in which she yells at scared civilians that “the heroes are the ones who are getting dirty!” which is like. yeah. they are. but during and post the war arc civilians also very much died. i feel for izuku but at first glance if someone promised you a safe haven from being attacked and then said oh never mind we’re actually going to bring the one guy shigaraki can absolutely track and hunt down here because he’s tired of fighting, getting upset with that is not totally unreasonable.

and I get that civilians are supposed to get mad at heroes for being corrupt, but not for failing, because heroes should never have been put up on such a high pedestal. they should be seen as humans who are as fallible as everyone else. that doesn’t change the fact the average innocent person would be rightfully scared, because it’s not just the heroes who are getting dirty. people are getting attacked. the heroes are not saving everyone. they shouldn’t have to and there’s no way they realistically can, but picking and choosing which aspects of hero society people are allowed to criticize feels…meh. if there’s gonna be fallout, fallout that endeavor and hawks if not the rest deserve, there should be proper fallout.

i don’t think the UA kids should be treated as full-fledged heroes because they’re not, but their age should not be the one thing that makes them better than the current heroes. they’re liable to the same mistakes and the same fallings. or they would be had they not all been portrayed from the beginning as one big happy hopeful crowd who just wanna save the day! there was opportunity to show who was in it for the right and wrong reasons and somehow ochako who has been so poorly written for several seasons actually had the most relevant arc (besides bakugo) about being in the hero business for the right reasons. ochako should have interned with hawks ochako should have interned with hawks ochako should have interned with there should’ve been more students in it for the glory, for the money, for the fame, but even monoma from class b and mineta are apparently true heroes! is being a high schooler all it takes??

anyway this is all jumbled and a mess but mha should’ve made hero society far more corrupt to justify its dismantling is my point. right now we’re getting a vibe of “the heroes are just as bad as the villains if they don’t save them too” and that’s just like. objectively not true. if hawks was supposed to be an assassin for hire for the hero commission, we should’ve seen him kill people aside from the guy who could’ve turned the tides of the war, at the very least actually kill best jeanist to finish his mission. if toga wanted to preach about how the heroes are just as bad because they killed jin, it falls flat when she’s on machia’s back stomping on people and then killing an old lady to talk to ochako. the heroes should try to save everyone including the villains because that’s what heroism is, but they are not equally as bad as the villains for trying to stop the villains.

the hero commission in general is just like afo, a vague villain we can blame so that we don’t have to blame the underlings. if people discriminate against animal quirks we should’ve seen it way earlier with shoji and tsu and tokoyami, maybe really expanded on it once mirko and hawks and even the dog cop were introduced. if sooo many heroes were in this for the wrong reasons, where are they? the current “failings” of the hero system are all might, endeavor, hawks, lady nagant and bakugo. everyone else is fine! there was a chance to show that someone like mount lady isn’t a real hero because she only cares about fame. there was a chance to show that aizawa is a good hero compared to others because he doesn’t try and seek glory. but these points are only halfway done and then kinda left there.

[keepingeahalive]

Milton Grimm should have been the Big Bad

This man. Is it obvious that I hate this man? 

Look at him with that punchable face and that annoying little mustache. I just wanna rip those two sad little whiskers right off his smug, pudgy face. 

This man should have been the main villain. The final boss. The endgame for the characters of Ever After High. But he wasn’t. He just fell into the background after Thronecoming. Sure, we got some Evil Queen action. But what was his reaction to the destruction of the Storybook of Legends, the symbol of tradition within their society?! He must have been p*ssed!! 

But we never get to see it. 

Milton Grimm is and should have been the main villain. Here’s why.

1. Crybaby Backstory.

Let’s face it. This attempt at a tragic backstory was underwhelming. To recap, Milton and his little brother Giles were best friends and shared opposite views than they did when they were adults. Because of this, Milton dragged Giles into a cave said to be inhabited by trolls because he was convinced it was only a story. Surprise, surprise: trolls are real (I mean, doi, kid! You live in a fairytale world. What did you expect?!) and Milton runs out of the cave, leaving baby Giles behind. Milton runs back to his father to get Giles back and Giles returns home, safe and sound. And out of guilt, Milton promises never to go against the stories again. Yay, happy ending.

But, it’s not.

I’m sorry, but I don’t think this backstory is enough justification for forcing an entire society to follow their parents’ (often terrible) stories. Yes, Milton was a child at the time, and he thought he had accidentally killed his younger brother. I can see how that experience would be traumatic for anyone. But, we know Giles is fine now and is actually more well-put together than his older brother. I think it would have been better if we say Giles’s POV from that day, actually have him meet the troll, have some tea with him or whatever, and have him hear the real story of the troll’s life. Giles could sympathize with the troll and learn not all stories should be followed. 

What I can gather from this backstory is that it led Milton to develop crazy control issues. He and Giles built an entire school to indoctrinate several generations of fairytales. To ensure no one would go against what he saw as dangerous, he lied and basically threatened everyone “not existing” if they didn’t do what he said. Giles saw right through this BS, and when he confronted his brother about it, Milton cursed him to speak near-gibberish and locked him up underneath the school. This goes far beyond a Well-Intentioned Extremist.

2. Giles. 

This man is a cinnamon roll and must be protected. Thank you. 

Unlike Milton, Giles is warm, friendly, and open-minded to the stories the Brothers Grimm have collected over the centuries. He’s the former librarian, he has made personal connections with his students, and he sees them as people rather than characters. He is a clear foil to Raven, having gone against the status quo to make something better only to be quashed and locked away for it. 

Yes, he did trick Raven, Maddie, and their friends into breaking his curse. (I’m pretty sure manipulation runs in the family). But, he deserves a win for what Milton put him through. And speaking plain English would have helped him and the girls more than having Maddie constantly translate for him (and in a language that is purposefully open to interpretation).

When Giles finally confronts Milton for what he did, I’m honestly disappointed. No, I don’t think Giles would have punched him in the face or anything. That’s too out of character for him. I was hoping Giles wouldn’t have forgiven him, or at the very least say something to the effect of “I forgive you, but that doesn’t mean I trust you.” Brother or not, I just can’t see anyone forgiving someone that quickly for what is basically impairment and imprisonment. 

3. The Apple Debate

If Giles is a foil to Raven, then Milton is a foil to Apple. 

Apple saw Milton and destiny as gospel. She was brought up, groomed, and traumatized into following destiny to a tee. Like Milton, she experienced a childhood trauma that made her believe destiny was the only way to stay safe. She has little to no regard for what others have to go through to follow her destiny. Her reasons seem petty and childish, but they make sense to her. 

This is no fault of her own. She’s intentionally portrayed as naive, entitled, and selfish because she grew up in the most privileged of settings. She has the best destiny out of anyone, and growing up to be a beloved queen of the entire world sounds like a pretty sweet gig. She also holds genuine, if misguided, care for her friends and terrified for them if they don’t follow their stories (in a “I’m trying to save your soul from damnation” type of way). 

She is also the daughter of one of the most influential political figures in the world, so she has to set an example. She puts so much pressure on herself to be perfect that she walks around blind. She needs glasses, but she can’t bring herself to show any sort of flaw about herself lest she lets everyone down.

Lastly, Apple is a child. She has room to grow and change like everyone else in their teenage years. Like Raven, she has time to figure herself out and could benefit from some self-reflection. 

That being said, Milton is an adult. And he has been an adult for at least 200 years. He’s had time to look over his actions and think “Hmm, maybe what I’m doing is borderline dictatorial.” Yet he never wavers from his position. He has never admitted that he was wrong about anything or apologized for anything he’s done in regard to his students’ lives. Meanwhile, Apple has gone through some genuine growth as a character and as a person, because she loves her friends. It would have been interesting to see what Milton would think about his star, his favorite, his most devoted follower, suddenly turning on him. 

4. The Redemption “Arc”

It felt more like a redemption splat than an arc. In my opinion, Milton didn’t deserve to be redeemed. At the very least, not this quickly. He would have made a fantastic antagonist to Raven. It would have been so exciting and frustrating to watch him tighten the reins even more on his students until they ended up all turning on him. It would have been a great commentary on authority, freedom, and societal views on individuality. But instead, we get brotherly moments in the background with him and Giles. I’ll admit, it’s kind of cute. But, this show’s conflict was created by Milton Grimm, and the show just left that plot point hanging. 

Milton should have stuck to his guns for much longer, have him be the stubborn old man who will not budge on his beliefs. If you are to give him a redemption arc, have him realize his mistake after it’s too late. The final showdown between him and his fed-up students would be so much more satisfying than what we got. Please, for the love of God, Mattel! Bring this show back so we can do this story done proper.

[colorisbyshe]

I think leftism (or “leftism” in many cases) has a therapy speak issue in that arguably good leftist concepts get filtered down to a. Mean nothing and b. Be used to avoid any level of personal accountability.

“No ethical consumption under capitalism” becomes “I can buy whatever I want because none of this is ethical.” Choosing to support products or creators that are like… fully morally wrong is okay because well ALL consumerism is bad, right? You can’t be an immoral consumer under capitalism. If capitalism is bad, it’s all equally bad.

“Corporations and the military are the biggest contributors to pollution, so lmao at the pressure to recycle and compost.” No one is personally responsible for their impact on the environment because it’s just a drop in the bucket, right? Never mind that there are 8 billion individual people and 8 billion individual drops… is a lot.

So much of these talking points seem to exist to imply that someone else, someone more powerful than you, having MORE impact means your impact doesn’t matter or exist at all. Evil corporations will always exist, so why boycott? Evil doesn’t exist on a scale anymore it’s just: other group is undeniably evil and all evil is equal and MY group is helpless and unable to stop the evil or contribute to it.

It’s self defeating. It just concedes the fight, which isn’t leftist at all. It’s just self soothing.

You can’t possibly be contributing to the bad of the world, you can ONLY be a victim to it. Victimhood makes you immune to benefiting from or contributing to bad things. Nuance doesn’t exist. Things cannot be bad with other things being worse, anything that is bad is equally bad.

Don’t worry about politics; it’s all equally bad and we’ll all suffer the same amount under any political structure outside of utopia I imagined in my head. Don’t worry about what you buy; all consumerism is equally bad outside of the products you personally enjoy and are good actually. Don’t worry about recycling or reusing or repurposing; companies and governments aren’t recycling efficiently anyways so there’s just no point!! Throw that soda can on the GROUND!

There’s no point to anything. I promise it’ll be fixed in the future when we decide to overcome it Outside the System but until then the system cannot be fixed, at all , and any attempts to manipulate the system is doomed to fail because it won’t help everyone immediately. Something helping “Not enough” is exactly the same as “not at all.”

It’s just… what are we even fucking doing? The revolution comes through not doing anything at all? We sit on our hands until someone has a bright idea???

But then you talk to actual experts or actual people on the ground who are doing the work and it’s like.. oh, no, it’s just laymen making up leftist speak. People who actually care don’t talk like this at all

[loderlied]

Missing Ollie so these are for him ❤️

Eros 4, Philia 3, Agape 2, Philautia 2

Eros 4: Do they believe in love at first sight? Have they ever developed a crush or romantic (or erotic) fixation upon a stranger based on their appearance alone?

i think oleander is absolutely the kind of person who believes in love at first sight, that very romantic and twisted-idealistic worldview is kinda the perfect space for that i think lmao. it’s not necessarily that you have to know that it’s love immediately, aka how it was for him with camellia, but he felt that she was special and that she would play a special role in his life.

however based on appearance is a hard pass. his feelings for camellia were based on a sense of wanting to help her, fan the flames of her darkness and such.

Philia 3: What qualities does your OC most value in a friend? Loyalty? Shared sense of humour? Or something else?

ooh difficult one for oleander. it’s sort of that ‘if everyone is your friend, do you really have no friends at all?”thing, as in he views everyone as a friend, or as he would describe it, has love for everyone. so what qualities matter to him most? being alive (being able to rot)? i guess lol. like it’s certainly not an act and his friendship (on his side) is certainly not less strong than your average one, but he just genuinely and sincerely enjoys the company of everyone, if they love him or especially if they hate him.

Agape 2: Does your OC feel a spiritual connection to the world around them? Do they have a particular love for nature or living things?

absolutely! to all three of those! i think he’s the sort of person to view it all as one connected thing, not only a shared space but sort of. truly that everyone and everything is connected through string-like fate and love and whatever esoteric bullshit you can think of. but that connection to him is certainly the rot of body, mind and soul.

this and the answer above are actually why he acts so familiar and vulnerable with people he just met. you could know him for five seconds and he would treat you like an old friend he just hasn’t seen in 47 years lol. because again, not an act—to him, that’s exactly what it is.

Philautia 2: Does your OC believe that it is important to love themselves in the first instance? Perhaps in order to be able to give and receive love authentically? Or because they believe first and foremost in "looking after number one"?

well. another difficult one. no. this is actually the biggest problem he and camellia ever have in their relationship and the reason she eventually leaves him. i know calling someone an empath has sort of become a meme but if there’s one it’s ollie. what i’m trying to say is that he not only understands but especially feels for and with them so much, and yet, he does not understand why camellia does not want to kill him. he offers himself up to her/ makes countless promises of saving his death for her which makes her more uncomfortable as time goes on each time he does it and he just becomes more insistent on it as a result. he ultimately views himself as not only as disposable, but as something for which death through the right person/the ultimate evil he nourishes (camellia) would be the best end to ever be. if he doesn’t die like this his entire existence would be a waste. this is the guy who when he was a small malnourished kid barely surviving in the wilderness let parasites and other various animals eat away at him because he couldn’t bear it otherwise. he’s someone that fans the flames of evil and rot, the breeding ground of sin and malice, and when all his hatchlings are conceived and fully grown it would be his greatest honour to have them devour him.

but back to him and camellia—in the end with how much love he carries for others he could never make room for hers for him. he doesn’t understand why she doesn’t want to and desperately tries to keep herself from loving him the way he loves her. it’s why her biggest complaint about him is and always has been that he cares too much.

(ask game)

[tallerthantale]

What Does Aziraphale Actually Believe, Part 9: They Know Not What They Do

This is a series of my takes on what Aziraphale believes through the timeline of the show. It is all my personal interpretation, and I am happy to hear others. You don’t need to read them all in order, but know that I am coming from a perspective on Aziraphale’s machinations that can be difficult for people without a psychology background to follow without the first two as a primer. The quick version is that Aziraphale has a set of beliefs that exist in some form or another within his mind. However, at any given moment, only some of them exist ‘with awareness.’ The context of the moment will determine what lives on the surface and what stays buried outside that awareness, whatever arrangement best prevents a threat to Aziraphale’s sense of self and makes whatever he is inclined to do feel right.

While I have been going through the timeline, there have been a few points that have been put on hold, that I’ve promised I would circle back to later, because I needed to integrate a lot of information from different points on the timeline. Now is the time for that integration. I need to more seriously address the question of how Aziraphale can still believe angels are existentially good in the abstract, with all that he has seen them do, while also believing they are acting against the wishes of God.

If angels are good by definition and don’t have a choice in their moral alignment, how do they end up committing morally reprehensible acts? If Aziraphale uses his own continued ethereal status to prove to himself God is fine with his actions, wouldn’t that also prove God is fine with all of the other angels’ actions? Not exactly, and the reason takes us all the way back to the opening of Season 1. The first point I promised I would eventually get back to was a question:

What happens if Aziraphale thinks he isn’t supposed to know what God’s will is, because it’s not for him to understand, but he also thinks that he does know it? What are the consequences of having knowledge he isn’t supposed to have?

Responsibility.

I Slithered Here From Eden

The design of the universe (according to Aziraphale) is letting humans choose sides between good and evil. That is a choice that humans make, and celestial entities don’t. But at what point did humans get that choice?

They had to have knowledge of good and evil first. As far as philosophers tend to frame things, it’s only really free will if you know what you are doing with informed consent. By eating the apple, Eve and Adam gave that knowledge to humanity. Now that humanity has the knowledge of good and evil, they have the power to make a choice, and the responsibility to choose good. 

One point I glossed over at my first look at Eden is that Aziraphale was on apple tree duty. He failed that mission in a big way. While there are fun speculations about Aziraphale being distracted by the sexy snek, I wonder if he had a hard time with the idea that knowledge of good and evil was bad. When discussing the human’s transgression, Aziraphale weakly says, “It must be bad… … otherwise you wouldn’t have tempted them into it.” It’s not a compelling argument as to why eating the apple was bad, and frankly, there isn’t one. The most compelling argument I could give is that lacking knowledge of good and evil shields people from responsibility to do good, and it might be kinder not to burden humanity with that responsibility. I think during their conversation at the wall, Aziraphale won’t see things that way because that would hit too close to home.

When Crowley encouraged Eve about the apple, Crowley was just looking to stir up trouble, and was surprised they were punished so harshly. From Crowley’s perspective, I would imagine the apple as a precursor to the real temptations. Crowley argues his points logically, he is not on the ineffability train. How do you make a logical argument about what is fair and reasonable to someone who has no concept of good and evil? You’d have to teach them about good and evil first. Crowley makes arguments that are built on meaningful concepts of right and wrong frequently. They are not alien to him.

When Aziraphale takes on the worldview that the universe is set up to allow humans to choose between good and evil, he is tacitly endorsing the idea that Eve and Adam eating the apple was part of the Ineffable Plan. This was originally Crowley’s idea, though it may have just been sarcastic. Aziraphale has taken it on for real. Now the humans are choosing good and evil.

'The Right Thing'

Aziraphale has asserted very confidently twice in the timeline that choosing is for humans. Not celestials, just humans. I’ve talked about how this is self serving for him, it means he is good by definition. It makes his place in the universe make sense, it gives him a sense of self and purpose. It also has major downsides, in that it makes him consider Crowley existentially evil independent of his character and actions, which makes a mess of how he treats Crowley. It also risks entrapping him into considering the other angels definitionally good, and believing that whatever they do is definitionally 'the right thing'. The instability of what Aziraphale believes situation to situation lets him spend most of his time avoiding the downsides of any particular belief system, he mostly pulls them into focus when they are useful, and forgets about them when they aren’t. 

When I’ve brought up ‘choosing is for humans’ before I glossed over a key question. Why is choosing just for humans? Not in the sense of what motivates Aziraphale to believe that, what does he think the reason is? By the Edinburgh framing, why don’t celestials have the capacity to choose that humans have? The answer: they never ate the apple. They have no meaningful knowledge of good and evil. The institution of heaven is a rigid hierarchy. Angels and demons only know what they need to know to follow orders. They have no opinions on ethics or grounded morality. 'The right thing' is a term of art for the heavenly code of conduct. 'The wrong thing' is a term of art for the demonic code of conduct.

Something shifts in Aziraphale's relationship to humanity at Edinburgh as he is confronted several times over with scenarios he can't help but notice demonstrate that the normal day to day heavenly code of conduct, 'the right thing,' is absolutely not in keeping with what he would personally understand to be morally good. It was not a one off instance from God that could be a test, the issue was the system. He was forced to acknowledge Crowley knew what was morally right better than he did, and that he knows what is morally good better than the other angels do. Aziraphale's biggest leaps forward happen when he is forced to admit he does actually have an opinion that is his own.

I think for the audience, the absurdity of 'the right thing' and 'the wrong thing' being terms of art is most pronounced when demons are tasked with doing 'the wrong thing' because God represents Herself to will it. When Crowley 'destroys' Job's goats and children, his permit is signed by God. Crowley understands his assignment as given by God. Does that make it 'the right thing'? No, it's outsourced to hell because the aesthetics are wrong, and if it's been given to hell to do, that makes it 'the wrong thing' for Crowley to do it. Does that make it 'the right thing' for Crowley to refuse? No, because the code of conduct for the angels it to let it happen, and Crowley isn't an angel anyway. The correct thing for Crowley to do is 'the wrong thing,' that God want's him to do. (Aziraphale doesn't believe that is what God wants in that case, but he does believe that God generally wants demons to do demonic things.)

These terms have no relationship to what is actually morally good or bad. However, the knowledge from the apple does have that grounded relationship. Humans need that connection to have that real choice, and be accountable for that choice. Celestials are following orders, they aren't 'supposed' to be making choices, they are 'supposed' to do what they are told. Knowledge of actual good and actual evil has no value to their professional role. Aziraphale continues to think that ignorance is how things ought to work all the way to the 1800's, and even as he shifts to wanting the other angels to have the depth of that knowledge, he can plainly observe that they don't.

To be clear, this isn’t to say that celestials are not able to decide to do things, but rather that as Aziraphale sees it, their actions cannot be judged in a way that impacts their moral alignment. The angels aren't responsible for the misalignment of heaven because they don’t know any better. Their actions don’t make them less existentially good, because they are too ignorant to make informed choices. Same with the demons. I don’t think Aziraphale would consider any of them to have chosen evil, because they didn’t have knowledge. Fate put them in the evil role, and they do what they are told. Choosing sides is for the humans, and they are only able to do it because of their ability to know the difference between good and evil. 

As we move past Edinburgh, Aziraphale understands that the angels, near universally, are maintaining a system that doesn't let humans choose freely thee way he would believe in, and thus they are maintaining a system that he believes isn't operating as God would want. As a practical matter of staffing, it would make a mess of things if She turned them all into demons.

Aziraphale can use his maintained ethereal status to prove to himself that he is on good terms with God, because he is the odd one out. If Aziraphale is in the wrong, and heaven has the right of it, it doesn't break the system to fell the weirdo angel going off on temptation missions as a treat and salivating over demon décolletage. If everyone else is wrong, the remedy for that has to be learning, growth, education, and training, not leaving Aziraphale as the last angel standing.

Unconditional Forgiveness

The second time Aziraphale argues choosing is for humans, it isn’t an argument about ability anymore. He wants all of the angels to join him in deciding not to choose a side, in taking a caretaker role over the system that lets the humans choose. He presents this plan to the archangels, offering them a way forward that would move them away from ignorant obedience and us vs them thinking, into a world of layers and depth. 

They are not prepared to go along with Aziraphale on this, lacking his 6000 year long character arc of developing knowledge of ethical complexity. Uriel accuses Aziraphale of thinking too much. When Aziraphale shouts at the archangels on their way back to heaven, he calls them ‘bad angels’ in the tone someone would use to say 'bad dog.' It is an expression of them being ‘bad at being angels’ yes, but it is also an expression of their lack of depth, lack of thought, and lack of understanding. It is a condescending dismissiveness of their capacity to make valid decisions. I don’t think Aziraphale retains any animus towards them after the scene ends, because they don’t have enough knowledge to be accountable for their actions. 

When Crowley confronts Gabriel in Season 2, he points out that Aziraphale wasn't there for his execution. He never witnessed Gabriel tell him to “shut his stupid face and die.” That's true, but I honestly don’t think it would make a difference to Aziraphale. Aziraphale also does not retain the resentment for Michael’s role in Crowley’s failed execution that Crowley has for Gabriel. I don’t think that comes from a lack of valuing Crowley, but instead speaks to Aziraphale’s unwillingness to apply accountability to celestial entities. Gabriel hasn’t eaten the apple. Michael hasn’t eaten the apple. Forgive them for they know not what they do. Automatically, no hesitation. Without knowledge of good and evil, they are not responsible.

But That's For Them

I have talked about how Aziraphale doesn’t believe everything he can believe at once, and his potential beliefs often contradict themselves. Aziraphale has a lot of shame and self doubt for someone with developed strategies on how to be certain his choices are good by definition. (Not an uncommon phenomenon IRL, but still an ironic one. People develop the strategies because they feel a need to have them.) He puts an enormous burden on himself to do the right thing, compared to the instant and absolute forgiveness he grants to the other angels. Aziraphale does gloss over his own mistakes, but not by forgiving himself. He does it by burying the shame out of his awareness because he can't forgive himself.

Over time Aziraphale has become more settled into comfortably believing that he can intuit God’s will in ways the other angels... I wouldn't say 'can't,' but at the very least, don't. Along with that comfort, he has developed his own senses of what is morally good, and morally bad, and those opinions diverge from how the concepts are framed by heaven and hell. He can also observe that the other angels have not developed these concepts. Gabriel has a preference for getting what he wants, Michael has a preference for order, and Uriel woke up this morning and chose violence. They have personalities, but no moral compass. Post Edinburgh Aziraphale typically considers himself to have knowledge of good and evil that the other angels do not have. Given that he is correct, I am willing to forgive him the arrogance. 

Aziraphale understands that ‘wrong’ as defined by heaven has no substance. What he sometimes forgets is that he personally does have substance. It is uncomfortable for him to know that, because the weight of responsibility is tied to it. When he is told to do something he cannot do, or abide by something he cannot let stand, Aziraphale believes he has knowledge of good and evil, because he needs to own that knowledge to justify going against the party line. When it kicks in, he feels the weight of the responsibility to make the morally right choice, and he feels the horror of all the other angels being on board with the morally wrong one.

The moments where he goes against heaven and the rest of the angels because he thinks that he understands God’s will and that they don’t are not Aziraphale at his most self righteous. Quite the opposite, he usually seems hesitant and ashamed. He has knowledge of good and evil, but he doesn’t think he is supposed to have it. Most of the time he wishes that he didn’t. Aziraphale is very good at suppressing knowledge he wishes he didn’t have.

The evidence isn’t always visible, but Aziraphale has metaphorically eaten the apple. So has Crowley, although I don’t think Aziraphale believes Crowley was responsible for his fall. I think modern Aziraphale is fully onboard with the idea that God felled Crowley into a martyr as part of a larger plan. The other celestials haven’t eaten the apple. Yet. Saraqael and Muriel are probably on their way, but I don’t think Gabriel and Beelzebub are. They went AWOL for love, not for principles. For Crowley and Aziraphale, as grand as their love for each other is and has been, their principles always came first. That is what they love about each other.

To Shades of Grey

At Uz Crowley was a demon who goes along with hell as far as he can, and Aziraphale was an angel who goes along with heaven as far as he can. To the extent that they experienced a choice, it was finding ways to be as conformist to their jobs as their principles would let them. Post agreement, they tend to stray as far as they can get away with. Their principles would allow them to be more conformist, they just don’t want to be. They aren't trading and gambling on their professional assignments at the Globe because Aziraphale got asked by Gabriel to allow an atrocity in the name of heaven, or because Crowley got tasked with killing children, it was because neither of them felt like bothering to ride a horse up to Scotland. There is no rock vs. hard place dilemma there. 

At first Aziraphale hides behind believing that he is too definitionally good for doing Crowley's assignments to be 'choosing' anything, or creatively reframes his understanding of responsibility to not feel his actions are impacting the outcome. After the church bombing, something clicked when he allowed himself to know he was in love with a demon. He let himself know he was choosing to meaningfully stray from the expectations of what it supposedly means to be an angel.

In 1941, Aziraphale offered a toast “To Shades of Grey.” At this toast, Aziraphale let himself understand that he and Crowley do have a degree of choice, and the shades they each choose are not pure. The responsibility is something he really doesn’t want to engage with most of the time. The option is there though. If a decent set of situational beliefs can be cobbled together, Aziraphale can believe that he and Crowley are human aligned enough to choose a little, deciding to become a bit grey, and with that comes the responsibility and accountability that the other celestials don’t have.

I think the choice of their shades of grey needs to be understood relative to their respective defaults. Aziraphale represents a default white that decided to become light grey, and Crowley represents a default black that decided to become dark grey. We can understand this as Crowley preferring darker shades to Aziraphale, and while that is true, I think it is very misleading. Crowley is choosing the lightest shade of the options available to him, and Aziraphale is choosing the darkest shade of the options available to him. I don’t think that is lost on Aziraphale. It is one of the tragedies of their miscommunication that Aziraphale believes Crowley to be the better one, while consistently saying sentences a reasonable listener would assume mean the opposite. 

To The World

The toast is offered by Crowley. Crowley, who argues with God over Her treatment of humanity. Crowley, who gave humanity knowledge of good and evil. Crowley, who paved the way for saving Job’s children. Crowley, who convinced Aziraphale to work to alleviate human suffering, and give a way 90 guineas. Crowley, who convinced Aziraphale of the need for humans to have equal opportunity. Crowley, who convinced Aziraphale to try to derail the Great Plan. Crowley, who convinced Aziraphale to stand up to the Institution of Heaven. Crowley, who just before this toast predicted their peace wouldn’t last. 

To the World. Their home together. Their future together. Their choice together. Their responsibility together. Aziraphale believes they are committed to defending the earth together. And, he believes that is what God wants them both to do. 

Part 9/10

[indie-bard-maiden]

~The Haunted Manor~

(the witches/ghost story, apart of my short story collection 'The Ballad of Hollowfaye' also available to read on wattpad)

Three witches (two Vespers and a Depraysier) and a mortal unite over a Ouija board in the Vespers' haunted house and try to commune with the spirits of their brutally murdered and dearly departed family.

Genre: YA Fantasy

Word Count: (to be determined)

(Pt 6)

Wind is an omen in nearly every culture. Considering it's the windiest day of the year, I hope it's a good one. It's off to a bad start considering I was caught between being upset that Fives had invited a stranger to tag along on our Halloween plans—and being stupid quiet because she'd stripped into the costume she hadn't worn to school. They wouldn't allow her to wear it. Not without the tights or the jacket or the long-sleeved shirt under it.

My eyes were glued to her legs. They followed her as she paced around her bedroom.

"What if she canceled? What if she's too scared?" She turned to me abruptly, her almond eyes frantic.

And for a second, we stared at each other. Because my mouth wouldn't open. And if I could find my words, they would've been along the lines of,  'Why couldn't you see that I wanted to be alone with you? Was it you who couldn't take the hint or is it me?'

She sucked in a deep breath, blinking rapidly all the while as if I'd actually asked the stupid question. Her hands straightened the bottom of her skirt, pulling it down slightly.

"Sorry..." And then her eyes widened.

Mine would've too if I weren't used to her already. Sometimes I think she can read my mind--the way she just knows things sometimes--but I know this is all my fault. I have an expressive face, and right now it's saying, 'I can't stop looking at your legs, and I feel really guilty about it.'

"Look, maybe we should talk about last night?" She pulled the fabric down further, as if she's had just about enough of my gaze, as if she's seen my thoughts and is disgusted by them. And I knew exactly where this is going:

'Abbotticus, I love you too. As a friend. Can you like please stop staring at me now?'

I bolted to my feet and finally, my mouth worked and my eyes found hers, and whatever words my lips couldn't form before, I tried to send her telepathically. And she flinched... My heart pounded in my chest. I was ruining this. I couldn't believe I was ruining this.

"I'm sorry, Sadbh," I would sayand I wouldn't use her nickname, something I always do, because I would want her to know that I'm sorry and I'm serious, and ruining this is the last thing I wanted to do, "I can make these stupid feelings go away. I promise."

But instead, I said nothing.

Because a deep, hollow knock came from the front door. Someone was using the actual real knocker, the Pentagram that traps evil within the segments and vertices. I never used it. Nobody ever used it. This stranger was a fearless fool.

The echo rumbled through the entire house, shaking the walls, vibrating the floors, clattering the windows. Fives' eyes widened, full of glee and I froze. She looked genuinely happy for a second, like the girl she was before everything.

"She's here!" She clapped her hands together and sped through the door, "Come on, Abbott! The spirit board is down here!"

My heart thrilled in my chest. A spirit board? She wasn't seriously expecting me to exist in the same room with something like that? It wasn't even like I believed in it, but I didn't want to go out of my way to prove myself wrong. Not in this house--which even Fernezra has said was haunted--not on Halloween night either. If anything out of the ordinary happened, it would be because we were asking for it...

I followed her anyway.

She didn't even bother to check the peephole before she opened the door! She was even more fearless than the fool!

"You came!" She shrieked. I flinched at the high pitch as she pulled Malin inside. And it was the craziest thing--I flinched even harder at her appearance. Her bone-white skin, sunken cheeks, almost-luminescent gray eyes... Who the hell was this girl?

Her eyes found me and jolted a shock down my spine. She didn't smile--didn't react at all-- when she greeted me, "Abotticus Jinx."

She knew my name... My full name...

"May-lin." A smirk found my lips. I wasn't even the smirking type. It brought me great joy though, pretending to have power over her the way she did over me.

"It's Malin." Fives cut in. My eyes snapped to hers and she was frowning at me.

I wanted to ask why she was protecting her. This girl didn't need protecting, her appearance did that well enough for her. I wanted to ask why she'd invited someone she'd barely known a day into her house. Something held me back. Something was always holding me back in that house.

"The dining room is through there--" she pointed through the archway, "--now where is-- FERN!" Malin passed through the door just as Fernezra's laugh answered from the kitchen.

"Coming, coming, I have treats."

I was about to follow them inside, but Fives grabbed my wrist. An electric warmth cascaded in waves all the way down my arm, all over my body, and then I turned and met her eyes, and the waves turned to ice in my stomach.

"I know you're upset--" she murmured. It was like she was scared she'd break me.

"I'm not upset."

"You're hurt." My mouth snapped shut. "And I'm sorry. I promise there will be time for us tonight, but right now, this is important to me... I need you to give her a chance." Her voice cracked and she turned back toward the archway, wiping her eyes, "If that's not enough for you then you can leave."

She was cold and tense. The old vulnerable Fives left, and I wanted the right to miss her, but I understood too well why she had to go. I nodded even though she couldn't see me, and I tried to free the tension all over my body. It was no use.

My instincts were telling me there was something wrong here and they hadn't shut up about it since Malin arrived. Wouldn't that make her the problem? Isn't she who they're trying to warn me about?

I went against them and followed Fives. Malin had already made herself at home, sitting at the head of the table, picking up the ancient wooden planchet, and peeking through the glass hole. The corner of her mouth pulled up.

"You were right. There are many haunts here tonight." Her pupil dilated inside her magnified eye. It was such a metallic silver it was almost purple, and she smiled, "They seem to be intrigued with your mortal."

A cold chill slapped me hard on the neck and it didn't leave. Her smile widened, and I was sure it was the cause of the floor swaying beneath me. My brain was melting, just something else I was sure of. The floor groaned as their chairs slid against it. Fernezra's voice cut through the fog.

"Jinx, you look pale. Try some of these," Her footsteps rattled my melted brain, her sharp nails cut into my palm as she pressed something soggy into it.

"What—"

"It's a cupcake. Perfectly moist too."

It dripped through my fingers, splattering into a thousand puddles on the rotted floor. I slurped what was left off of my fingers, and the shaking in my thighs ceased. I stood tall and strong when I sat down at Malin's left, beside Fives.

Neither noticed me, both watched as she traced a finger along the vines carved along the edges of the board. Fernezra was the only other person not trapped within her spell.

"It's been in our family for generations." Fives explained nervously. Her green eyes watched Malin for a reaction.

She only nodded, and her fingers followed the vines down to the words 'Hello' and 'Farewell'. Then they stopped. Suddenly. Coldly. She was still as a corpse.

"Our grandmother used it every day. She said she needed to commune with her mother before she made any decision."

Fern but in with a, "Yes! I remember that. She used to ask her everything! 'Ma, what should I make for dinner? Ma, does this perfume make me smell like a harlot?'"

Fives nodded, her smile fell somberly, "I always thought she smelled nice. Like a nice old lady."

"Mhm," Malin spoke cooly like mist, "Agatha?" Fern and Fives stared at her. Malin stared back. Then she blinked and her eyes focused on something behind Fern.

"Oh. My apologies." She blinked again and her eyes immediately found Fives. "She says you knew her as meemaw." Fern and I gasped, but Fives just clapped her hands in excitement. "She says the perfume did make her smell like a harlot and you'd do well to dispose of yours too."

Fives gasped and I rolled my eyes, "She does NOT smell like a harlot."

The second her eyes found me, I froze.

"Your family has their concerns about continuing this conversation in front of a mortal. They've asked me to inquire if Salem 1692 means anything to you?"

Fives grasped my arm, and it was like the spell broke. My lungs were working again. Those silver eyes had no effect on me. I was free! Her murder attempt failed! She must've been devastated.

"Abbott Jinx isn't like those mortals. He's my bodyguard. He protects us from any harm this way comes."

Malin raised an eyebrow at me. I smiled back. "This boy is your familiar?"

We turned to each other. It took all of two seconds for us to start howling with laughter. It couldn't be real. This girl couldn't be serious. Only the heat of the flickering candles and the smell of the raw pumpkin spice cupcakes reminded me this was reality.

"You laugh in the face of your responsibilities, Mortal? You think protecting the life of a witch is an easy task? Especially the lives of witches that have been cursed and doomed for ages?"

We stopped laughing.

Her eyes were unforgiving, "If this is all a joke to you, perhaps my agreeing to help was a mistake."

Fives jumped up from her seat, knocking it backward. "NO! No, please! This means the entire world to me, please. We're sorry, very very incredibly sorry." I almost thought she was going to fall to her knees and beg for this stranger's forgiveness.

Malin stared her down.

Fives stared back, unwavering.

"Please."

There was a pause. A lull. That is until the sound of Fern slurping her cupcakes shattered the silence. She was barely paying us any mind. Her eyes closed in ecstasy, her fingers dripping batter.

Malin cleared her throat, "It would help if you'd tell me a little bit more about how they died, and when."

"Really?" Fern snorted, "You can't find that out by asking them with your little ghost board?"

Fives ignored her, "It was last winter... They were driving home after a Yule Ritual in the wildwood. Cops said they must've been drunk when they hit a patch of black ice, lost control, wrecked, and animals pulled them from the wreckage and attempted to hide their bodies."

"Animals?"

Fives nodded sarcastically, annoyed at the entire idea, at the incompetency of the force on her parents' case, "Animals."

Fern was more serious when she spoke now, "Okay, look, I get it doesn't sound that plausible when you say it out loud. But this is even more crazy, Sadbh. You're trying to find the person who allegedly murdered your parents through a goddamn spirit board. That sounds less crazy than, I don't know, a bear killing your parents when they wrecked their car in a literal forest?"

Fives waved her off, "Just admit you've never heard of hibernation, Fern. NO BEARS were out at that time."

Fern rolled her eyes, "Okay how about you admit you've never heard of global warming? Bears ARE out at that time nowadays because of overfishing and they haven't enough food TO hibernate, not to mention it doesn't get cold enough. They probably don't even realize it's WINTER anymore."

I regretted being stuck in the middle of this. I was glad when Fives' hand went back to my arm though. Her hands tightened around me. Almost cutting into my skin.

"If you don't want to be here, you can leave. Go gawk over Quinby Digby at the library before it closes or something." She growled.

Malin went to say something, but Fern snapped, "First of all, I gawk over Zaskia, NOT Quinby. Second of all, I'm staying, so when she pulls some rubbish out of her ass, I can say 'See this why we don't listen to scam artists who believe they can communicate with corpses through a plank of wood.'"

I tried to jump in, to maybe bring some peace to the mix, but they cut me off as soon as I got my mouth to work. Malin and I met each other's eyes and it seemed like we were sharing the same thought: This is going to be a long night.

Sadbh crossed her arms sarcastically, "How nice, well I want you to stay so you can find out who killed YOUR family too."

"Sadbh, come on. This is so obviously not real. Right, Abbott? You agree with me?" She looked between her cousin and me. Fives look at me too. And then Malin. Three pairs of eyes were on me and they were all hungry.

I'm no fearless fool, so I hesitated..., "Look, I don't claim to know how your parents died, and I'll admit it does sound suspicious. Maybe if the police did their jobs we'd have more answers..." I licked my lips; none of them looked satisfied, "But using a spirit board? I mean, they're bad luck. And they hold evil or something? And I understand you want to know what happened so you can get some kind of closure... And we will get that for you! Whether it was a bear or a murderer or whatever, we'll get to the bottom of this, I promise."

I was rambling and it was obvious. What could I have said that would've made it matter for anyone? Malin rescued me with answers, "Actually..." her eyes focused, as if she were coming out of a foggy haze, "Have you ever heard of divine retribution?"

"No?" Fives and I echoed together, and her hand squeezed me tighter.

Fern groaned, "Please don't tell me you're saying my Aunt and Uncle were killed because God had a bone to pick with them."

"No. Of course not. Your Aunt and Uncle were killed because A god had a bone to pick with your original ancestor and cursed his entire bloodline hundreds of years ago."

I laughed, "You're joking..."

Malin sighed, "I'm afraid not. Gods can hold quite the grudge."

"So, you're saying A GOD killed my parents." Fives' hesitated.

Malin was getting tired of the questions, tired of us not understanding, tired of us not taking witchy voodoo seriously, "No, I'm saying A GOD is why your parents met their untimely end, just like your aunt, and your family before them and you two will after them. It'll go on and on and on."

Fern threw her cupcake paper at the spirit board, "SEE! It's bullshit, Sadbh! She's just taking advantage of the knowledge that our family has all died young to come to some bullshit conclusion. Cursed by the gods, are you genuinely serious? Which god then, huh?"

I cleared my throat, "And which ancestor? Can't you talk to him? Ask him what he did? Maybe we can fix it? Reverse his mistake or something?" My heart was pounding in my chest. They couldn't all die young. Not because of one guy nobody remembered. Not when it's been so long.

Sadbh growled, her fingers cutting into me, "None of that matters! I still don't know who or what killed my parents! That's why we're here right now!"

I had to yank myself free. I couldn't bear her knife-like claws anymore, "No offense, Fives, I think preserving your life and getting rid of a curse that could kill you matters at least a little."

"Malin. Please. I need to know. I can't move on if I don't know."

Malin cleared her throat, "You ever notice how things change with the breeze? How new paths form, how you make choices you wouldn't have made otherwise, how a new you is born and the old you is remade?"

The omen. My eyes flash. I don't even realize I'm speaking, "What the fu--"

Fives interrupts, "What does this have to do with anything?"

Fern rolled her eyes, "Yeah, and why do you have to say it so pretentiously? You're literally talking about the wind."

It was all becoming less real by the second. Even the cold slap on my neck had disappeared. Malin's effect on me was nothing more than annoyance.

And it was almost like she'd felt my shock. Her eyes locked with mine, and they held an air of righteousness, "The Goddess of Destiny has everything to do with everything, and I wouldn't disregard the wind so easily. How do you think Mistraldaire was cursed in the first place? Arrogance and hubris--thinking you're better than the gods."

Fern cackled, "Mistraldaire? MISTRALDAIRE? That's not even a real name."

"Your name is literally Fernezra," I whispered.

She rolled her eyes, "Oh, shut up. Whose side are you even on?"

"Well--"

"But thinking the decision to curse an entire bloodline is a little dramatic means we're disrespecting the gods?" Fives murmured, "My parents are dead because this Goddess of Destiny was offended by something a man who lived hundreds of years ago said. Maybe I don't want to respect a goddess who thinks murder is a fair punishment for an entire family."

Malin nodded, "Fair enough, but murder wasn't the punishment."

Fives shook her head, "I don't understand. If it wasn't, then why do we keep dying?"

"It's not so much death so much as the way it's orchestrated. And the first curse wasn't death, it was BECAUSE of death."

"Can you stop speaking in riddles for five seconds and just answer her questions?" Fern groaned.

Malin spoke reminiscently, "I recognize the name. Mistraldaire... A Veteran of the War of the Schools."

"Schools... Like a high school...?" I raised an eyebrow.

She shook her head as if it were obvious, "The Schools of Witchcraft. Every clan belongs to one of the three: Mind, Body, or Soul. Mistraldaire's were masters of the body."

"How do you even know this?"

Fives shushed her cousin, and Malin continued, "He's all over our history books of that period. He wasn't so much a veteran as much as he was a disgrace in the eyes of witches and gods everywhere."

Sadbh gasped, "Why? What did he do?"

Fern shushed her back.

Malin looked between them both and waited for silence. Once they gave in, she cleared her throat, "It's a long story but to summarize, in the early days of the war, thousands were lost every day. Undertakers couldn't keep up with the bodies, the land couldn't keep up with the graves, and ghosts from the dead buried carelessly would return and haunt both sides. Then the School of the Body joined and healers from all over Iyael were summoned to await their divine duty--to help the wounded and the fallen warriors."

Her silver eyes began to glow violet as she spoke passionately, "Mistraldaire was one of those called upon. He was one of the best healers. He could heal those on the brink of death, could bring back those just barely over the cusp. When other healers would attempt it, those brought back were different. They weren't the same that were lost. But Mistraldaire was skilled at his craft, a master. He could bring back the soul as well as the body."

"That's good then, right? So why was he punished? He was a hero." I wondered aloud.

Her eyes met mine again, but their power was no more over me, "It wasn't enough for him to be praised, to see the product of his divinity. He wanted to prove his valor. He wanted to show the schools he wasn't just the most powerful healer, he could be a warrior too. He could take life just as he could give it back. So one day, he decided to do just that. He abandoned his post. Took the sword of a warrior he didn't heal and joined the other warriors on the battleground..."

Fern leaned forward on her elbows and blushed, "Okay... Not that I believe any of this... But... What happened then...?"

Malin leaned back, "It was the bloodiest day the war had seen. More died not by the stolen sword but by the rejection of his duty. By taking his fate into his own hands, by deciding he knew his destiny best, by rejecting the blessing and the glory the goddess had given him, the witches that died on the battlefield weren't healed. Those that were killed weren't brought back. More ghosts haunted than warriors fought. He'd decided death was more important than life. For this decision, he was exiled by his fellow witch, and cursed by the gods who'd blessed him."

"So why not just punish him," Fives yelled exasperated, "Why punish us too? We had nothing to do with that!"

Malin looked as though she couldn't understand the question, "Thousands were lost because of him. Mothers lost sons, sons lost fathers, entire clans gone forever. Maybe they didn't think one man's blood would suffice. Maybe they wanted the entire Vespers' bloodline to fall."

Fern narrowed her eyes, "So you can ask the ghosts what our original ancestor was named, but you can't ask them why they deemed all this necessary."

Malin sighed, "Only your family is here at the moment. I can't ask them what every clan from every school thought when they cursed yours."

"I just think it's fuc--

Sadbh jumped, "Did you just say our family is here?"

Malin nodded.

"My parents???" Her voice reached that high pitch again, but I didn't flinch. I understood her need, her desperation.

Malin tilted her head, "Your father."

Fives' eyes were frantic, her hand reaching for mine again. I interlocked our fingers, though it didn't help much. "My dad is here right now? Can he hear me? Where's my mom? Why aren't they together?"

"He can hear you. and he says your mother was mortal. She wasn't cursed the way he was. She doesn't suffer the same fate as he." She spoke softly as if she was trying to soothe her.

Sadbh shook her head, "Suffer? He's suffering? Where is he? What happened? Why can't I hear him? Tell him I want to speak to him!"

I squeezed her hand gently, "Hey, hey, relax. Take a deep breath."

Malin spoke cooly, "I've already told you. Your clan are masters of the body. Your powers stem from there. Us Depraysiers are masters of the soul, and so I can commune with the dead."

Fives' voice was cracking. She was gone. I was losing her all over again. Just like last year. Just like when this was still new. She was beside herself with pain and sorrow and yearning for answers, "Then I should be able to feel him. He knows I can feel. I can feel things, emotions from other people. Why can't I feel his?"

I froze. She didn't notice. I didn't expect her to.

Malin sighed, "Because he isn't a body. He is a soul, an essence trapped here."

"Hey, can you shut the hell up for a second?" For a second, I thought Fern was talking to me. Me and my racing thoughts and my racing heart, but she was scowling Malin down, "Can't you see she's having a panic attack? You're not helping."

"And what do you mean you can feel people's emotions?" I muttered.

Fern eyed me then, "You too. Just shut up. Sadbh, relax, okay? Get your feelings under control and she'll answer more questions, okay? You're going to make yourself sick."

Five's voice was small, barely above a whisper, her eyes distant, "She said he's suffering, Nez. He's suffering and my mom isn't there with him. He's all alone."

Malin shook her head. She clasped her fingers together with a hum, "He isn't alone. Iris is there. He says she's been helping him since he arrived. She's been trying to help him contact Yuna... Yuna is your mother, yes?"

"Is he in pain? Just tell me that." Her voice cracked.

Malin cleared her throat, as if she was attempting to clear Fives' as well, "He says he's alright. He feels no pain. He suffers only because of his punishment."

Her voice only shook more. "Punishment? What punishment."

Malin goes quiet and pale. It's the first time she's looked remorseful. Probably the first time in her entire life. "He doesn't wish for me to say."

Sadbh shakes from beside me. She's restless now. I grab her hand, trying to still her and her racing heart. She doesn't notice any of us are there. She barely notices Malin anymore. Her eyes dance around the room, searching for her father's spirit. "Tell me! Please. Please I need to know."

Malin shakes her head, "He says it'll bring you no comfort."

She launches to her feet, nearly knocking over her chair if I hadn't grabbed it with my knight-like reflexes, "Well then remind him that he's dead. That my mom is dead. Remind him that I feel no comfort anyway because they were both taken from me and nobody will tell me the truth about what really happened."

Fern begs on her behalf, "Uncle Dillon... She's right. If you're really there and this isn't just some scam. I've seen it. I've seen her suffering. Answers could only help. There's no way she could be more lost than she already is."

I narrowed my eyes at her. Not because it wasn't true. Of course it was true. Sadbh wasn't the same and she would never be. How do you go back to the way you used to be before something like this happened? You couldn't; she couldn't. There was an innocence lost, a naivety, an ignorant bliss. No, I wasn't staring angrily at Fern because she was wrong. I was staring at her with an edge because she was right.

Malin pauses. Hesitates. "He hears her screams the night she died. Over and over again. Screaming for him to help, begging for the pain to leave. He tries to run to her, to reach her, and to help her, but she's too far away. As soon as he reaches the Maple Tree in your backyard, she goes quiet. He falls to his knees because he knows it's not because the pain is gone but because she is. He knows Yuna was killed because of him, because of HIS curse."

Sadbh falls back down in her chair, "Oh..."

Fern sighs theatrically, "So I was wrong, then... Maybe you didn't need to know that. Nice going, Uncle Dillon. You should've said your punishment was that morbid."

Malin picks at her fingernails, somehow uninterested, somehow uncaring, "He didn't say it. Mistraldaire did. He says your parents died a death of valor."

I try to bite my tongue, but I can't anymore. I just can't. "Like he'd know anything about valor, he sounds like a coward."

The walls rattle and collectible dishes fly off shelves. The planchette zooms from one side of the board to the other, and Malin just smiles at it.

"You can throw dishes at me all you want, it's true! You're the reason they died ~a death of valor~ in the first place. You're the reason her father is being punished like that. You're the reason her mother was in pain when she died. You're the reason the gods hate the Vespers." My voice doesn't crack, nor waver.

Fives grabs my arm, but I shake her off, "Abbotticus--"

I frown down at her, "No, it's true! If you die tomorrow or next month, when you DIE, it'll be all because of him. Because he couldn't handle healing people even though that was his entire power. he wanted to kill people instead. The gods were right to punish him, but to punish you? To punish your parents? To let your father suffer in death like that and your mother who had nothing to do with it? That's fucked up, and more than that, it's not fair. Because he went against the Goddess of Destiny now it's your destiny to pay for a crime you didn't commit?"

Malin smirks scoldingly, I didn't even know that was possible, "Easy, mortal. Don't tempt her. On Halloween of all nights."

"He has a point. but the fact is... None of this is real... It can't be... And even if it is, we're getting out of here. You and me... we won't have their fate, I promise..."

Fern doesn't even sound sure, doesn't even sound like she believes herself or her words. Maybe because she's said it so many times before. Maybe it was a lie she was trying to convince herself was true, only it's not working anymore, maybe it never worked.

"Malin, please. Ask them what happened that night. Ask them who did it. I don't care if I die, if the curse reaches me too. I need to get justice for them, I need to know what happened."

Fern reaches for her across the table but they're too far, "Are you sure?"

I grab her hand for her, "Yeah, Fives. This doesn't seem like it's helping."

Sadbh nods, resolutely. It's what she invited Malin here for after all. "I need to know. It won't help but nothing will. I won't rest until I know."

Malin clears her throat, stares off into the distance, and communicates with those lost, "Well..... He says........ There was a woman... A woman in the road and your mother didn't see her through all the snow..."

A cold wintry air overcomes the room. Frost blossoms on the dishware, snowflakes dance slowly from the ceiling, the walls blur around us, the lights dim until there's only a glow resembling a pale moonlight. My lungs burn at having to adjust to the dramatic dip in temperature. Just as my fingers start trembling with frostbite, Sadbh grabs my fingers and interlocks them. If I wasn't so sure this was all a dream that surely couldn't be real, I would've realized that she must've felt my chill. That's why she wrapped my fingers in her warmth. It had to be.

I'm too busy staring in awe at the shifting reality to notice Malin's mouth falling open, slowly, slowly. Fern screams. I flinch and look at her, only to see her horrified at something happening beside me. That's when I see it; her. Malin frozen in pain, mouth wide open stretching wider and wider, jaw creaking and cracking, eyes bulging. A squeak of pain exits her throat, but she struggles to let it out. Like there's a pressure on her lungs we can't see.

And then, all at once, in the time it takes me to blink, there is no more Malin. Not the Malin as I'd come to know her. '

NEXT PART AVAILABLE╰┈➤ˎˊ˗ HERE

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[quietwingsinthesky]

(@transgenderdoctorwhomst )

looks at you with my big eyes and holds out my hand. would you like to be normal with me about master!rory?

yes yes yes yes so badly hold on hold on.

okay. see. what’s got to activate my brainworms about master!rory is the moment we all know and love, this little speech here:

You know what's dangerous about you? It's not that you make people take risks, it's that you make them want to impress you. You make it so they don't want to let you down. You have no idea how dangerous you make people to themselves when you're around.

which, already one of the best rory moments on its own. with regular rory, its an immediate tell of just how insightful he is about the doctor—the guy whose whole thing is being a mystery man in a mystery box. he reads him for dead there, and he’s right. but god. think about that with the context of master!rory. maybe even a master!rory who is still currently fobwatched or whatever, who doesn’t know just how well he knows the doctor. because doesn’t that just cut to the core of their relationship. as much as the master is perfectly capable of doing evil shit all on his lonesome, there’s a part of him that wants the doctor to see. to be impressed by just how far the master can go, has gone.

i mean s3 and end of time are practically him shouting LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! until he’s gone far enough to put his own face everywhere on the planet.

and then, of course, the way that this line could also reflect on missy’s future(?) arc (assuming that at some point rory is gonna regenerate into her. which. extremely funny if you hold to the EU fact that missy is also one of amy’s childhood therapists. missy, that’s your wife what are you doing-) What’s more undoing than wanting to be better because the Doctor knows you can be, promises you can be, and you reach and reach and never quite get a hold on what he’s saying you must. you don’t want to let him down. and you will. inevitably.

you know?

and we gotta get into amy/rory we gotta. okay. again presuming fobwatched!rory -> him getting his memories back. i mean, what’s that like, right? because rory’s world revolves around amy, it really does, but the master has centuries behind him. how do you fit a universe inside you and still love one girl so much. i don’t think he could stop, i don’t think he could help himself. above all, i don’t think amy would let him. that sounds uhhhhh but what i mean is: i don’t think amy would watch rory become someone else and think that she, she who believed the doctor back into existence, couldn’t force a little of him to stay rory, just by holding onto him. very tam lin of her, if she held onto the master as he snarled and spit and lashed out until he ran out of energy to fight it and let himself be rory again just to be in her arms a little while longer.

i think you’re right. i think she really could just go ‘you’re being an idiot’ and he’d completely bluescreen processing that he, the master, is being spoken to like that. that he’s listening to her. he can’t help it, he’s whipped. oh the insane things that would do to him and the doctor both if the doctor couldn’t talk him down from Evil Plan Of The Week but amy could. a compelling parallel too, assuming that somehow fobwatched rory grew up from being a kid (the way yana did?) alongside amy, remembers that still alongside memories of growing up with the doctor. two very different childhood friends, and the real one, the older one, is someone with whom the relationship is so banged up it can never be good or simple ever again. and his childhood with amy wasn’t even real but the love is. the love is.

i think that would be a wonderful way to fuck him up forever. the doctor spends all this time picking up humans and ghosting when they grow older because he’s terrified of facing that and the master mocks that, and then all of a sudden. here’s his human. she’s going to grow old. and he never will. a new kind of fear for him to experience, the horrible understanding of exactly what the doctor does and why. he’d probably bring it up more in response, lash out at the doctor with names of people he hasn’t visited in centuries because he’s so scared, and then turn around and see amy and get cold and shaky because it’s happening to him and he can’t stop it.

ohhhhh river. what do we think the odds are that master!rory would let his daughter be taken away from them? zero, right? and like hell would amy, no matter what the show seemed to believe. so let’s steamroll the doctor’s opinions on the matter, commandeer his ship, because its his future he wants to preserve but its the master’s/rory’s/amy’s present they both want to save. amy’s got a vicious streak that could burn through the galaxy if given enough reason to, and that’s her daughter they took. but alone, the doctor could stop her, because at the end of the day, it’s his ship and he’s got more power over everyone’s lives then is reasonable. with rory, she couldn’t do it. but with the master? the stars are gonna learn to shake when they hear she’s coming.

so yeah. i have. a few thoughts on master!rory. hopefully good ones lmao.

[lokiinmediasideblog]

I Intentionally Start Shit in the Loki Tag

If you complain about Sylvie being "harmful queer rep" BUT want "Lady Loki" in the MCU, which was Loki possessing Sif's body just to torment Sif, I need you to sit down and shut up. a. Genderfluid people don't go by "Lady " when they're femme or women. b. If you don't see the transphobic dogwhistles in the comics possession subplot, I don't know what to tell you... But let's say that hag that wrote those crappy books would love it. c. If you weren't aware about this, maybe you should read the wiki at least before giving uninformed opinions.

I definitely agree that they should not have led people on with the promise of genderfluid rep during the promotion of the series. But get mad at Disney/Marvel for that. Not at the writers or Sophia Di Martino that had to cave in to Feige's demands. That's literally what they have to do.

I really don't give a damn about the "autogynephilia" allegations, which again, is ALSO PRESENT IN CIS WOMEN. Like why the fuck should I care about someone finding themselves hot? There's fascists out there. AGP even if it was a trans-specific thing harms no one. The only harm said to come from it is DUE TO FASCISM because it plays into RESPECTABILITY POLITICS.

If you use AI to create a "proper" Lady Loki or love interest for Loki, you can't complain about the blatant product placement in S2. I am not a fan of product placement either and won't defend it, but those are the rules. Show some integrity. And before you ask, I have not given a cent to Disney since they pissed me off with attempts to trademark Dia de los Muertos for Coco.

If you complain about how being a "Loki" is not a role (unlike Spiderman) and how it should have been all 100% Tom Hiddleston, you don't get to call it selfcest as a gotcha, because you're already differentiating between the variants with different DNA. Like do y'all hate selfcest or not? Make up your mind. The series treats a Loki as an archetype of sorts, so it can be a role. Also, having the same name does not make you related because we don't know what Sylvie's parents are? And we don't even know if Sylvie is also a Jotun, a prop claims she isn't.

If you say you want Sylvie dead but claim to not be misogynistic, because you'd love if a specific love interest from the comics or mythology replaced her, STFU. You only like those because you can project whatever the fuck you want onto them.

If you claim Sylvie is a misogynistic depiction of women but salivate over characters written by cishet white men in the 1960s-1980s that made wanting to fuck Thor or being in a monogamous marriage with Loki their entire personality (there's so MANY OF THESE), STFU. Do you hear yourself? And no, it's not misogynistic of me, a woman, to criticize offensive depictions of women by cishet white men. They're not real.

Our MCU!Loki is not the young adult Ikol reincarnation currently. Of course 20-something Verity is not going to be there! The Loki show should be praise for having multiple female cast members around the same age as the protagonist and pragmatic clothing choices that allowed SdM to nurse her baby.

Selfcest isn't real and I cry tears of boredom whenever someone clutches their pearls over it.

The comics aren't perfect. As much as I loved the recent Dan Watters run (and German Peralta's art), the comics art has some very questionable tendencies, especially regarding Loki's nose when she's femme. It's associated with how some kinds of facial features are considered masculine or feminine (and racialized). Noses have no gender, ffs! Women with nose bumps exist! For some reason Loki always has a tiny button nose when she's a woman or femme. There's also the BLATANT physiognomy that has ALWAYS PLAGUED Thor comics since their inception, and Loki's facial features as they've become more "grey" and less evil is an interesting study. Peralta's far from being the only artist with this problem, and is far from being the most problematic. For comparison from Loki (2023) run:

Loki from ye olden days: