#excerpt from a letter

[monomorphilogical]

"[...] and I'd wanted to say: "How dare you? How dare you think you had the right to want me?", but I refrained. It would have been disastrous; had I tried to explain the emotion. Though the feeling remains, even on a day like this, and I am unable to set my mind on a different path.

It is as if my heart was insulted, or perhaps afflicted, that someone were to have the gall. In any normal situation, this would have been perfectly justified, but I can only image your face right now; reading this. I must sound insane, trying to vilify love as I am doing so, but I cannot help it.

Many times before, you see, love was put upon me in a vile manner, and it had felt awful. How was I to see the difference this time? Love to me is but an attempt to maim what is left of my poor heart, how was I not justified in feeling like the very act of asking to love me is a reason to feel affronted?

I wish to be left alone in peace, yet there are those who wish to treat me tenderly, like I am not skinned by poachers and hung upside down with all my nerve-endings on display. Even the lightest touch feels like a burn to the very core of me, how am I not to flee from that very thing?

Mainly, I think I am just tired, and I would like to sleep through the day, for once. Perhaps, dwindle completely in the afternoon light."

[lilliesand-valleys]

[hanzajesthanza]

geralt "i will NEVER deadname my best friend" of rivia

"he will ALWAYS be dandelion to ME"

[ninasdrafts]

Who would've thought it'd be holding your hand where I'd lose my footing? After all we'd been moving in tandem half our lives. The question plaguing me is not the why or the how, it's the when. When did we lose sight of each other? When did the ache of missing you turn into relief inspired by your absence? Perhaps when you started seeing my wins as your losses. Perhaps when you wanted to be heard to be so bad, you forgot to listen. Our story has two sides, I know. I turned into a ghost for you. An empty casket haunted by memories that'd lost their shine long ago. I no longer wanted to talk about the sunlit past, glorified treasures of time that felt bigger for you each day because nothing came after. I no longer wanted to pretend we had a future together going forward. We didn't. We don't. I knew, you knew, but we didn't voice it. We couldn't. Things like this happened to other people, not to us. Ugly truths are hard to admit, but how ugly are they really when they feel like the first breath of fresh air in a year? I'll say it: I miss the times we lived through together, but I don't miss who I was with you. I'm doing better now. I'm doing better than I ever was and that's what you can't stand. And this is why we can never go back to what we once were.

-the ugly truth / n.j.

[speedyphilosopherpanda]

I thought we were supposed to make more memories and have playful banter around the city? I thought we were supposed to stay by each other's sides? I thought we were supposed to be saving up for our future together? I thought you were going to introduce me to your dad? I thought you were going to make me your first lady? I thought we were supposed to get married and have cats and dogs? I thought, I thought; I overthink, and overthink.

— excerpts from the letters I'll never send

[rizuuspoetry]

People get ostracized for being unique,

and here I am, envying them for being special,

for being different than others and for being a rarity.

Which I am not.

And it is disappointing being normal, average, lame

and not having any extraordinary skills.

Sometimes I wonder what's my role here?

Or am I just an accidental extra brought up here?

Maybe I wasn't supposed to be here.

Maybe I was indeed a mistake.

But if every person has a reason to be here,

I wonder what's mine?

Or maybe I am just another tragedy waiting to be completed?

And waiting to be told to the world of her little sad tragic story.

That must be it.

Cause if not that, I don't know.

I don't know my purpose for being here.

I envy people for being different.

Cause I'm not.

And I wish I was different or maybe special ?.

- Rizu ( pieces of me )

[wordsbyt]

Committing to love, is not the end. It’s not over, it’s a beginning. It’s not a last chance, it’s a new chance. A million new chances. It’s not giving up, or giving in. It’s giving. It’s what you searched for all this time. And it’s good. Good vibes, good nights, goodness. Commit yourself to love, and you will be love.

[worldwidewandress]

self care

I took care of myself and it wasn't beautiful. I took care of myself by looking at the overdue bills in my face even though it hurt. I took care of myself by crying ugly through therapy session and made another appointment for next week. I took care of myself by writing down every bad memory in detail then read it out loud. I took care of myself by doing it the other way even though it was scary. I took care of myself by cutting off all my dead ends and let go. I recycled. I took care of myself by facing it. And I saw it. God, I saw it all. And I screamed and sobbed and begged it to stop but it didn't, and thank God for it. I rediscovered myself. I apologized to all my friends I didn't have the energy to talk to. God bless their hearts. I took care of myself and it wasn't bubble baths and fancy products. It was uncomfortable, scary, and dark. Because where shadows meet light, darkness holds the key. Taking care of myself wasn’t beautiful, but I am, and it didn’t have to be beautiful to be worth it.

m.

[4s1na]

when I look at him, I feel like a small kid who's staring at the moon knowing that you’d never get to make it yours but still chooses to admire it every day.

[lost-in-time-marie]

Acceptance tastes like a hot July summer day. The air is still, but alive. You hear its heartbeat in the car horns and tires drifting over asphalt, mingled with the bird chirps and the cicadas hisses. It smells like fresh cut grass and the wetness of a rain still to come. All the world bakes and basks in this heat.

I remind myself I’ve done all that’s under my control and the rest will unfold as it will entirely in spite of me. My empathy doesn’t have to be a weakness, a flaw, if I remember where my responsibility begins and ends.

Today, detachment brings peace instead of pain. I’ve been trying to be a better hostess to her so she comes to stay with me more. I’ve treated her with hostility and indifference, in my gratitude I remember to turn down a bed for her, I put her favorite stew on, I remember to say “Welcome home”.

~K.

[heartstringsandbrokenthings]

i’m afraid of a lot of things, but mostly, most sincerely, i am afraid of being unravelled by you, and you finding nothing you want in here

[lilliesand-valleys]

[maxwelldpoetry]

I find comfort in the night. The rest of the world slows down, and my mind follows suit. The peaceful silence washes over my surroundings, soothing my weary soul. The minutes that go by are mine alone, and what I do with them is between me and the Moon.

— maxwelldpoetry

[writtenbylucy]

Please

do not hold back

Show me the precious parts of your heart

The parts that you’ve protected this whole time

Show me your inner child

That wild innocence that longs to be seen

For goodness sake

Love me hard or don’t love me all

Because

Is it even love

if it doesn’t drive you mad?

- Lucy 💚

[mashamorevvna]

the letters between heloise and abelard are pretty much the tone i imagine the coded durgetash letters to have

[rizuuspoetry]

Home and you.

I wish time could just stop this moment and let me cherish this moment forever until I couldn't anymore.

To look at you laughing beside me and letting me soak up this warmth as it fills me inside and out

I wish I could imprint this image into my mind and revisit as many times as I want

I wish I could hold your hands like this till the last moment until I take my last breathe

I wish I could wake up beside you every morning just like this and let you make me breakfast like this

You ignite so many things inside me I can't even word it as I stare helplessly at your beautiful smile and laughter

It's like my heart has finally settled causing all the turbulences to be stopped and be calm like a flowing river..

Like the oceans have stopped roaring and are as calm as the skies clearing the clouds..

The thunder has stopped being replaced by sunlight and spring blooming on my doorsteps..

I can't help as I take long mouthful of breathes as if I've been suffocating for years but now..

You make me feel like so much...

I feel like I have found my peace..

I think I finally found 'home'..

My home.