#except this time what they're doing is actually making the place safer instead of more likely to kill someone

[monty-glasses-roxy]

i guess roxy being a pyromaniac has its perks, she keeps the pizzaplex up to date on building fire safety (like making sure the sprinkler systems and smoke alarms work properly)

Yup! The fire systems in the Raceway in particular are state of the art! Truly, the height of fire fighting technology!

All thanks to one wolf animatronic that really loves arson!

[perpetualexistence]

A Total Drama Magnus Archives AU

Day 7: Free Day!

Alright gang, this one’s going to be a bit different as this is what I’ve got the energy for right now. Rather than tell a narrative like I usually do, I’m just going to infodump the ideas I currently have about this AU.

The important thing to know is that this AU takes place parallel to most of the events happening in canon Magnus Archives. Though in this case the setting is actually The Usher Foundation, the sister organization in the Americas. Spoilers for The Magnus Archives because it’s going into it.

Everyone’s in their late 20’s here mainly because they need to have full time jobs for this to work. Also, please do check tags.

(It’s also got a very heavy focus on Alenoaheather as villains and I won’t apologize for this)

@total-drama-horror-week

Characters and their Roles

Usher Foundation

Gwen: Protagonist, pretty much takes up Jon's role except instead of recording tapes, she listens to tapes and makes forensic sketches so that the Foundation can actually be able to recognize what they're dealing with. Her sketches are hauntingly accurate. Becomes an avatar of the eye.

Courtney: The foundation's lawyer. Her main job is pretty much protecting the foundation from all the lawsuits about break ins that the investigator types just constantly do. Is a skeptic about all this and just took the job because she needed an in to the field and this is just what she found. Does start believing when she realizes her friend Bridgette is different even though everyone else claims she's still the same. And thus having to deal with Not-Bridgette.

The Antagonist Trio

Alejandro: Avatar of The Spiral. Comes from the Burromuerto family who have aligned themselves with The Buried. After…separating himself from family tradition, dedicates himself to The Spiral. Hypnotizes people into states of mind where they lose sense of self, direction, purpose, you name it. His hair is full of curls and his pupils fractalize when he’s hypnotizing someone, or when he’s feeling extreme emotion.

Heather: Avatar of The Web. Was once a regular spider that was gifted with ascension into avatarhood from the entity that spawned her. Now exists as a drider that tricks humans into coming enough to her so that she can paralyze, cocoon them, and eat them at her leisure.

Noah: Avatar of The Eye. Only surviving member of his family line in the event that saw him become an avatar. Feeds on learning and seeing others' traumas. Scrambles around trying to figure out avatarhood until he meets Alejandro, and later Heather. Works for the Usher Foundation to feed himself and feed his partners intel and vulnerable statement-givers to feast on. Peers into others’ worst traumas and can force them to relive it in their minds. He has an eye each on the backs of his hands.

Miscellaneous

Izzy: Avatar of The Hunt. She goes out of her way to encourage others to give in to predator/prey instincts. She enjoys watching the chaos go down between the Usher Foundation and the antagonist trio. She stays on the fence and would help either side if asked.

Eva: Avatar of The Slaughter. Or at least aligned with it. Offers herself as a mercenary so that she can satisfy her bloodlust. Works a lot with the Foundation but can be persuaded to work against them if someone else can offer her a better fight.

Backstories

Noah

Noah's part of a big human family with a lineage of being involved in supernatural things, from research to hunting to capturing to study etc. Basically a more localized version of the Institute/Foundation. They're more a neutral party rather than just for the side of humanity though, which somewhat puts them at odd with them.

The Mudaliars are one of the safer bets of information for those outside of the Usher Foundation. Of course there is usually a price in terms of exchange of information, corpses of what they kill (one of his sisters really likes dissecting things), just money, etc. Noah isn't the most sociable or the one who's normally 'customer' facing, but he's the one who stays at home the most while the others are out and about. They need to leave at least one person at home at all times to deal with clients that might come in, and that person was Noah once he was old enough to start getting into the family business.

The problem was their extralegal status ar semi-archivists led them vulnerable to those aligned with Entities. The large size of their family also made them a tantalizing target. Thus the family, Noah included, were kidnapped in an attempt at a Mass Ritual to bring forth all the Entities into the realm.

The ritual involves each Mudaliar being sacrificed in a different location for a different entity. Noah is meant to be a sacrifice for The Lonely, so he’s locked into solitary confinement, with his only interactions with the outside world being pictures slid under his door of the corpse of each family member as they get sacrificed for their entity.

He’s able to piece together what’s happening, though with dread realizes there’s little he can do to fix the situation. His one chance is to disrupt the ritual, though his options on that are very limited. Eventually he settles on the idea that he could devote himself to a different entity to disrupt it and save himself.

He knows he’s caught in a trap of the lonely, doomed to die a slow and agonizing death of dehydration and starvation being all by himself with nothing to eat or drink. Thus he turns his attention to attracting the attention of The Eye. His one idea for how to do this is to dedicate himself to keeping track of his own deterioration.

He commits energy he should be preserving writing down everything he’s learned, not sleeping until his body forces him to collapse in exhaustion and then just starting up again when he’s recovered. Running out of pen and paper and thus using whatever he can get his hands on, eventually resorting to his own blood in his commitment to make sure his knowledge doesn’t die with him.

Eventually, it works as he’s granted avatarhood. The downside is that he did this while still connected with his remaining family. Becoming an avatar of The Eye saved himself and the world, but it killed the rest of his family. Leaving him alone anyways.

He wanders around for a while trying to figure out what there even is to do about his life until he comes across Alejandro when he’s trying to feed himself with forbidden information.

Alejandro

The Burromuertos are a family that have served The Buried for generations (similar to the Lukas family). Serving The Buried has led them to getting riches untold from the ground. Their family always lives in prosperity.

However, this gift isn’t without sacrifice. Each generation, the Burromuertos have to sacrifice one of their own to The Buried. In the days of old this involved taking the sacrifice and shoving them inside of a special suit of armor. The person inside would still be kept alive, and slowly crushed to death over the course of their lifetime. The suit act independently of the will of the victim, following the orders of the Burromuertos outside. The victim would power that suit of armor that serves as a guardian.

By the time that victim is used up, they would have been crushed into a diamond. That diamond is then placed into a display room that only the heads of the household know about. It’s part of the guardian’s duty to protect this room, as well as the rest of the mansion and Burromuertos.

Over time, the suit of armor modernized to something more akin to a robot suit. Tradition made it so that the youngest would be the one sacrificed so that more time would last between replacements. It also had the head of the family sire children in threes: The first to inherit the family legacy, the second just in case anything happened to the first, and then the third to be the sacrifice.

Alejandro was led to believe that he was simply meant to inherit part of the family wealth. He knows of his family’s history with The Buried, but not exactly what the sacrifice entails. (Burromuertos are only allowed to know about the ritual once they’ve produced a potential heir since their use as a sacrifice becomes nonexistent.)

His time comes early, just before reaching adulthood, when the old sacrifice fully crystalizes. He’s shoved into a suit and discovers just how much value his family put into him.

He stayed like this for a few years. He learned to have only quick, shallow breaths, as anything longer would see his prison tighten around him. Although he had been conditioned to be loyal the The Buried even in this tortured state, he was always ambitious, and was never quite as loyal as his family would have liked.

Instead, he follows a descent towards The Spiral. With nothing else to do, there’s only trying to mentally escape his current reality of being crushed and trapped. He’d rather do that than acknowledge his family knows he’s alive, but will do nothing to save him because he wasn’t good enough for them to produce a younger child to spare him from this fate.

He’s somewhat aware of the things that happen outside of the suit, though he much prefers to stay inside with his hallucinations.

This is until Noah comes to free him. It wasn’t intentional. Truth be told on Noah’s end, he was just hungry for knowledge since The Eye was making it known he wasn’t feeding it properly. A rich family like the Burromuertos seemed like they’d have just the knowledge he needed. The robot at their beck and call was just another obstacle to deal with.

In trying to flee from and destroy the suit Noah accidentally ended up freeing Alejandro. Noah has a heart so he helps bring Alejandro back to reality. Alejandro has a heart full of hatred and pettiness so when he finds out why Noah’s there, he agrees to help steal from his own family.

Using what he’d learned from his time in the robot suit, he helps Noah steal some wealth, particularly the family diamonds.

Though when he touches one of them to put away he finds out they're still conscious thanks to inherited psychic link of having been trapped in the suit just like them.

The two of them bond through working with the diamonds. Noah uses Alejandro as a conduit to peer into the diamonds and feed off their traumas, while Alejandro gets the knowledge his family denied him without having to relive his own trauma inside the suit.

They stick together for a while, surviving using Noah’s knowledge about entities and Alejandro’s newfound hardiness. Experiencing the pressure of the suit has left him stronger and tougher than before as gravity now as nothing than the gravity he’s used to.

Though the whole time they’re doing so Alejandro still has nightmares from his time trapped in the suit. The terror always comes from The Buried, but then salvation comes in the lies he tells himself. The lies he tells to others to forget things. In fractals and spirals and other.

He gives in to The Spiral so that nothing else can ever claim him again. And life is pretty easy.

Up until they meet Heather.

Heather

Heather started off as a store-raised spider. As a spider she was naturally touched by The Web, enough to have a small form of sentience. Her dwelling was small and cramped, and meals didn't always come on time. She wasn't the happiest with it, but she also didn't really understand what happiness was. It was enough to survive so she lived with it, though the part of her that could think wanted more.

She thought she'd get this when she was bought by a teen. That teen provided her a much bigger terrarium, and went so far as to get her live food. She discovered what enjoyment was when she drained the life out of a fly. She was content. She actually grew to a healthier size for her species since she was malnourished before.

That teen seemed really excited to have her. Something about 'revenge', though Heather didn't know what that word meant. She figured it had something to do with that older sibling that constantly seemed to pick on them. Though that older sibling was squeamish around her, and thus she learned what fear was.

All this came to a head when it came to what her owner referred to as 'the big day'. Heather didn't know much of what was going on. All she knew was that she was placed into the smaller container her owner used when they wanted to carry her out of the house, and stuffed into their pocket. It was dark and cozy so while she didn't appreciate the jostling, it wasn't so bad. The next thing she knew she was taken out of that container and placed onto something with a lot of pink frills. She was pretty confused, but was able to piece together that she'd just been placed onto the ballerina outfit of that older sibling. She was content to stay in place until the performance started and the older sister began to dance.

In order to not be flung off, Heather clung as tightly as she could. Until, eventually, she heard a familiar tune. It was a song she'd heard play every meal time. One she'd eventually learn was called Dance of the Sugar Plum fairy. So, as she took this to mean that despite these circumstances that food was here, she emerged from beneath the folds. This immediately got screams from the other performers and the audience. And eventually that older sister when she realized there was a spider on her during the performance of her lifetime.

Despite Heather's intelligence, she was barely able to process the speed at which she was flung off from that body. Before she could recover from the fall, someone else came and squashed her.

The curtains fell, and everyone was fleeing from her mangled, still living body. Twitching in agony. There was screaming all around. But there was also laughter. One she recognized.

It was from her human. Laughing at a prank pulled off. Uncaring for her agony now that her job was done. No attempt to rescue her despite the love and care she thought she'd understood. The only mercy she received was from the ballet teacher who came to finish the job just so he could salvage the disaster of a performance.

It was in her death that she was able to meet her mother. The Great Spider. She was offered the chance to become the manipulator. It was her birthright, after all. She took it without hesitation.

One by one those who attended that performance went missing.

One by one she perfected her craft of trickery and deceit.

She saved her owner for last.

The look on her face was satisfying.

Thus, Heather started to fully live her life in her new form as a half-human, half-spider. Her human half took inspiration from what the idea her previous owner wished for herself. She uses social media to trick her victims into coming closer, and then when meeting them in real life, webs them up to consume them.

She’s had hunters try to take her down, and other people stumble into her lair, but none of them were really of importance.

Not until Alejandro and Noah, who find their way into her lair in their attempts to get a break from other avatars/humans in between their feeding sessions.

Heather tried to trick them into thinking she was just another victim who needed to be helped to get them to come closer. Unfortunately for her, they were both smart enough to know something was wrong. Noah outright said as much, to Alejandro’s chagrin as he wanted to lure her into a false sense of security thinking that they’d fallen for it.

They have this conversation about how this should have been handled in front of Heather. Honestly, it was pretty hilarious seeing them seemingly not understand the danger they were in.

Still, Heather had a job to do, so she threw away the false pretenses and chased after them.

Despite their banter they do prove themselves rather competent in evading her. Alejandro tries to hypnotize her, though as an avatar of The Web she’s highly resistant to attempts to manipulate her. Still, she’s impressed. So much so that she agrees to let them go.

…And then proceeds to follow them around while disguised as a regular spider in order to see if her hunch about these two having more worth is right.

She starts realizing their potential, though is unaware of the fact that they know she’s watching them thanks to Noah’s connection to The Eye.

Though this time he's smart enough to sneak this information to Alejandro rather than outright say it considering what happened the last time he decided to out her. Alejandro gets the idea to put on more of a show of their capabilities since he can recognize that she's sizing them up.

When it eventually does get public that they’re sizing each other up, that’s when they agree to an alliance. They’ll work together to keep each other fed and make sure they each stay alive.

No matter what.

Domains and Avatars in a Changed World

The Change still happens as it does in canon. Nobody has a direct part in it, though Alenoaheather are a continuous threat to The Usher Foundation as a trio of avatars seeking to expand their influence and victims. They get into fights, though the conflicting parties end up surviving to see themselves Changed.

Gwen

Her sketches take on a life of their own. When she sketches something realistically enough, it’ll come to life. She isn’t guaranteed control of it, but it will be there. In addition, if she sketches an individual, she’ll be able to ask it about things that individual knows. If she touches that sketch up to the original, then that person/creature will be trapped within the drawing. If the drawing is destroyed, so are they. Unlike with other deaths in the changed world, this is permanent.

Her domain is Artist’s Alley. There are booths run by abstract figures that buy and sell art. These art pieces are in fact humans/animals trapped in pieces of art. It represents the fear of being put on display for others to gawk at and commodify. She’s vaguely aware it exists, and when she does find out about it avoids it like the plague.

Izzy

She can turn into prey animals that lure unsuspecting victims into an obsessive hunt that never ends until the person can hunt no more and collapses due to exhaustion, dehydration, or a combination. At which point, she then turns into a predator that rips them apart. She waits for them to reform so that she can start the process all over again.

Her domain is The Opened Season. In it humans are caught in a cycle where they are always hunting someone down, while they themselves are always being hunted. It’s based on the fear of not being at the top of the food chain despite being high up there. Izzy spends most of her time here.

Eva

She can take her own emotions and strengths and project them onto others. This is usually rage and results in others getting filled with the urge for violence. This prevents them from thinking straight, which makes them both easier and harder to fight off.

Her domain is The Battle Arena. Humans are made to fight in an continuous onslaught against each other and other beasts and foes. There are places for training that are still met with violence. Places of rest and relaxation are all potential fight pits. It represents the fear of peace not being an option.

Alejandro

Alejandro's domain is The Lulling Field. It looks peaceful, with nothing trying to attack you. The grass is soft. There is a standard cycle of day and night. During the day it's sunny, but there's always shade among the many trees. It's just warm enough to encourage rest without being overbearing. There are poppies with fractal designs that litter the ground. For those who prefer resting inside, there are cabins with the comfiest beds imaginable.

Those who aren't lured by the temptation to sleep find those strange, beautiful poppies start emitting pollen that forces them into slumber.

That's where the horror begins. Once they fall asleep, they are trapped within a non-euclidean dream that never ends. The dream logic is strange and unpredictable. A person loses their sense of attachment to their body as they grapple with viewing themselves in the third person perspective of their dreams.

There are many times where they're allowed to think they've figured out how to escape the dream and have woken up, back to a reality pre-change where nothing bad has happened.

It's always proven as a lie as each 'wake up' is actually them being driven deeper and deeper into their dream. Until they can't even remember what their original reality was like.

The many peaceful sleeping forms that inhabit the field forever hide the torment the dreaming soul is experiencing. They enhance the illusion that it must be safe if so many are comfortable enough to sleep exposed.

The real world is such a harsh place right now.

Don't you deserve the rest?

As its avatar, Alejandro has the ability to travel through and inhabit dreams. In this form his limbs are much longer than they should be, and he’s closer to 8 feet tall. His fingers curl in on themselves but are capable of slicing. His pupils are permanently fractals.

He'll carry poppies that he blows into the faces of those who are awake to knock them out. He'll often go into those of his victims and insert himself as their dearest, most trusted friend.

Sometimes he'll try to convince them that they're insane for thinking that their dream is anything but reality. Other times he'll help them 'discover' their unreality and help them 'escape'. Truly let them think they're the protagonist trying to free their people. only to laugh when they just go right into the next layer of dreaming thinking that they've finally won.

His realm represents the fear of falling asleep and never waking up.

Noah

Noah's domain is The Library. Which, as the name implies, is a giant library with books filled on every subject known and unknown to mankind. There are cameras watching every shelf.

There are reference desks centered at the entrances/exits with mechanical attendants. Those attendants can answer questions in regards to basic questions about the section they reside over, but anybody seeking specific questions, or who wishes to borrow a book, need to make their way to the main reference desk in the center, which is where Noah resides.

The directions and maps to get to that main desk are confounded by riddles that must be solved using intelligence. If solved properly it's a quick trek to the main desk. Otherwise, it takes ages to stumble to the right spot, though being smart enough to make one's own map that works for them will also get them there quicker, albeit still slower than if they'd solved the original riddle.

Anyone in The Library will want to make their way to that central desk fast, because it has regular hours, and closed time where the lights go dark. The attendants make their rounds at dark.

Any visitor caught by an attendant is dragged to the central reference desk, frozen and put On Hold on a large shelf until Noah can come to deal with them when The Library opens again. The same thing will happen if they're caught stealing a book or damaging anything in The Library, which is nigh impossible to get away with with all the cameras.

Those who have broken the rules have all their knowledge forcibly extracted from them by Noah. His fingers slip through their skull to pull out their brain and spread it into sheets as thin as paper. The grooves of the brain become lines of text as they're separated into neat sheets of paper. Their bodies are used as the leather needed to bind the new book together. They're still alive and conscious through this whole process as they get shelved away into the appropriate section. To stay there until someone feels like checking them out.

Anyone who does make their way willingly to Noah during business hours has the option to ask for a library card. Library card holders are allowed to stay in the library after hours (so long as they hold firm to the no stealing or destroying property rule).

They can stay in the library as long as they like without need to worry about Noah. However, his partners do like to come visit from time to time, and they're always eager for more victims. Noah won't do a thing to stop them. So any humans can stay at their own risk.

Library card holders are also able to borrow books from the library. Regular books can be borrowed without issue. However, more valuable books, such as books that would help them survive and understand the new world they live in or books that were once people that have all their valuable knowledge, require valuable knowledge to be given in return.

A person can either let Noah Behold them for a traumatic memory that they will then be forced to relive as he examines it and determines if it's a worthy trade for the book they want. Or they can give up a cherish memory for him to turn into a book. They'll never be able to remember that memory again.

This domain's fear is about getting caught breaking a rule you didn't know existed. Getting punished in a way that far outmatches the crime. The rules are nowhere to be found so you have to either ask for them and risk somehow breaking them that way, or stumble around and hope you don't break them.

It's a surveillance state with an apathetic watcher. He only care for his books, not people. He doesn't want to be here. If he's made to deal with it he takes it out on the person who interrupted his brief moments of peace before going back to his task.

Noah's also got the ability to peer into someone's immediate future based on their current thoughts. He doesn't pack much of a punch himself aside from his 'blast them with the PTSD' ability. But he can dodge attacks because he can See them coming.

Rather than just have the two extra eyes, he now has eyes covering every part of his body. If he touches a person, he can place one of his eyes onto them so he can see what they experience.

He also has at least a vague awareness of what's going on in each of those cameras at all times.

Heather

Her domain is called The Spider's Den. There are spiders and webbing everywhere. There's evidence that there was once remnants of humanity but it's all overtaken by webbing. Stepping on the webbing sends vibrations to other strands, which is how spiders get alerted to the presence of humans. Only baby spiders are the size of regular ones from Pre-change. Spiders now are on average the size of humans.

Once they paralyze and cocoon their victims, they drag them over to the central web to present them to their queen: Heather. She'll inflict her own venom on them, and only then will she unravel their cocoon. Not to free them, of course. She rips into a person to pull out their nerves.

She turns the webbing into strings and replaces the nerves with them. With the end of their strings attached to herself. She forces them to play along into a fascimile of normalcy where Heather is the main star. Everyone else is merely there to compliment her and revolve around her.

When she doesn't need somebody anymore, she'll cut their webbing. They'll collapse with nothing to hold them up, and stay there paralyzed thanks to her venom and their lack of nerves. They're left to just watch as life goes on without them. Occasionally being used by other spiders as new nests. If Heather does remember they exist and wants them again, then she'll reconnect their strings and start the show all over again.

The domain itself is more about the general fear of spiders, but Heather has also turned it into the fear of being an insignificant player in someone else's story.

Her avatar ability is that ability to connect people to herself via webbing, and then control them as she pleases. Her venom enacts a permanent paralysis. While in her previous drider form her human half was mostly human, now her top half is much more spider-like. She has eight eyes and she has mandibles. She’s also bigger, standing closer to 12 feet.

Endgame

So there’s no concrete endgame for this AU, as it’s more ideas and concepts than anything.

I will say that post-change, Alenoaheather perform an unholy wedding in order to marry their domains together. It involves many a sacrifice, and they ‘invite’ the few outside of themselves that they care about to it. Mind you, they do this with the intention of keeping them trapped forever, but still.

One of which being Carlos, who has to grapple with the fact that his little brother has now become this monster. Carlos is just a human caught in all of this. Despite Alejandro’s best efforts, his abilities do overtake Carlos just with his sheer presence and Carlos becomes closer to a vegetable than anything.

Alejandro refuses to acknowledge this and treats Carlos as if he isn’t talking to a shell of a man.

Gwen and Courtney are traveling about trying to fix the world in whatever way they can. Mostly by killing off other avatars.

Eventually, the change gets reverted, though I can’t decide whether Alenoaheather gets defeated by Gwourtney before the change gets reverted, or if they become normal after the change and get hunted down by everyone else.

Either way, that’s all I have for this AU for now! Don’t know if I’ll decide to expand upon it more but hope you guys enjoyed it!

[koalas-koalas-everywhere]

Show vs. Tell in The Darkest Hour

The thing about Lancelot's sacrifice in The Darkest Hour is that his motivations are all over the place. I welcome a debate over this, but I find it very difficult to see it as a sacrifice for Gwen, or even Arthur, even though that's clearly what the show was going for.

On the one hand, you have the influence of Arthurian legend, which ties Lancelot's story firmly to Arthur's and Guinevere's. We see this reflected in their close bonds in the show; more with Gwen, but Arthur also was shown to think highly of him in previous episodes (they didn't have many interactions in this two-parter, and none that weren't about Merlin).

We also have his spoken motives: he and other characters bring up his duty as a knight (his conversation with Merlin in Part One where Lancelot tries to convince him to go back to Camelot). Additionally, there's the promise he made to Gwen. So you've got both his affection for her and his sense of duty pushing him to protect Arthur (he says this himself during his conversation with Merlin in that cabin TDH2, that he'll go on with the quest that it's because of the vow he made). At the end of the episode, Gwen also says this (to Arthur, during the pyre scene.

In terms of composition and design, everything points to these being Lancelot's motivations.

And yet. None of this fits with his actual actions during the episodes.

We can overlook him talking almost exclusively with and/or about Merlin, because creating a relationship with the main character is a fast and easy way to endearing him to the audience, in addition to giving him more screen time, which would serve the same purpose.

But, if looking after Arthur's his first priority, how come he immediately tries to get his sworn protector to leave? Sure, Merlin's not a warrior, but it's not like combat skills are of any use against the Dorocha. Also, of the three episodes they'd met before this one, twice Merlin's proven to have privileged information about the threat they were facing. Even just as an extra hand to do chores, look for firewood so no one's ever alone could be useful. Lancelot ought to have known that having Merlin around could only make Arthur safer, yet he insisted that he should leave.

But, okay, let's say that, as a knight, he doesn't feel comfortable with anyone who doesn't know how to fight or who didn't swear an oath endangering themselves; especially if they're his friend, like Merlin is.

How does he justify leaving the quest to take Merlin to Camelot? Any other knight might have volunteered if he'd kept quiet for a bit longer and he could've advised them to go through the Valley. By being the one to take him, he's pretty much abandoning Arthur to his luck and breaking his promise to Gwen. Sure, all the knights are sworn to protect Arthur, but he and Merlin are the ones most devoted to him, for their own reasons. Or they should be. Instead of protecting him with his life, as he promised, Lancelot chooses to take Merlin back to Camelot, despite Merlin's own protests! You know, the guy who always seems to know more than anyone else what's going on and who wants above all else to protect Arthur? (Then again, Lancelot may not have heard said protests, being in such a hurry to ride off that he interrupted his goodbye to Arthur lmao. Sorry, that scene's kinda funny to me, like, Merlin begging Arthur to let him stay and Lancelot in the background, tapping his watch.)

So he rides off with Merlin, leaving Arthur to finish the quest alone, except that they run into the Vilia and they heal Merlin. What does he say to their statement that Arthur needs them both? No can do, I need to get Merlin to Camelot. It's okay, they'll heal him! As he sees for himself the next morning! This should make him change his mind about going to Camelot, right? Except no, it does not. Even after seeing him running around, spearfishing, after trying to smack him with a stick, when Merlin wants to get back to Arthur, Lancelot immediately shuts him down. Even once he agrees, it's only after Merlin makes it clear that he'll go with or without him.

(Then you have that convo in the cabin where he's like "I have to go because I promised Gwen that I'd protect Arthur" like babe you left him. 0/0 would not ask for a promise again.

The funniest thing is that having them go on their own also serves a literary purpose. It gives him and Merlin the opportunity to talk in privacy, giving the audience their due exposition, when around others they'd have to censor themselves to keep their secrets, Merlin's magic and Lancelot's love for Gwen.)

Then skip to the confrontation with the Cailleach. He already knew that Merlin was planning to sacrifice himself instead of Arthur. Arthur himself was unconscious. The only thing he had to do to protect him is stand there and look pretty. For all his penchant for self-sacrifice, we already knew he feared death, because he said himself that it was difficult to imagine knowingly giving his own life. But he still walked through the Veil.

Let's be clear. The person he saved by doing that was Merlin.

Not to say that there was no way of seeing that as protecting Arthur. He'd just been told by two magical sources (the Vilia and Kilgharrah) that Merlin had a huge destiny. It's likely that Merlin had told him the same thing before, as he was pretty loose with his declarations of how he was meant to protect Arthur. So, it's not impossible that he thought that the best way to protect Arthur, not just that once but in the future, was to save Merlin. You can definitely say that. Just like you can definitely get from Spain to India by sailing west without ever stopping on land. You will have to doge a whole ass continent that spans two hemispheres, though. And have fun in the Pole!

Anyway, this isn't meant to be a shipping manifesto. And while I love those two, and enjoy screaming about them to the void, it isn't even about them either. I most definitely don't mean to undermine Lancelot’s love for Gwen. I just wanted to point out this discrepancy between what the show says (Lancelot sacrificed himself for Gwen, Arthur and Camelot, in that order) and what it does (Lancelot sacrificed himself for Merlin).

[silvery-bluish]

Self and Know for Ars, Friendship for BB and Ris 👀❓

Questions from here!

Thanks as always for the ask Jazz!!!

Ars

Self: How is your OC's relationship with themself? Does your OC like who they are? Is there anything about themself that they would change?

Oh god very bad. Self-rival bad brain morass going on in there. They view themself more in terms of what use they are to other people, and unfortunately they don't think they have anything to offer except their mess of a crusade. Too sharp too strange too dangerous for anything else.

But the thing is they also don't... really want to change any elements of themself? They can't be anything other than what they are-- or, even if they change, become softer, more open, they still contain those other versions of themself, they don't stop existing just because they're out of sight? and they're torn between wanting that self to vanish within the safer names and shapes they wrap themselves in or just vanish altogether, and wanting that self to be seen and accepted and allowed to exist in plain sight.

Know: How well does your OC know themself—their wants, their goals, their motivations? Do they engage in any sort of self-reflection? Is there anything about themself they willfully ignore?

Ars Tries Very Hard not to think about themself. Blank Spot in the middle of their own perception, look Outward instead of Inward. They have approximate knowledge of their goals and motivations, although a lot of those are wrapped in a sort of. Recentering Off of themself? It's all in terms of getting justice for Anathema, in tearing things apart for other people, not in terms of their own hurt and pain (that is 100% factoring in to their decisions! they're just firmly not thinking about it being a factor).

And their wants, well. Those are Unimportant, even the ones they know they have, so what's the point in examining them? They want things, sure, yeah, but wanting them isn't enough anymore.

Arsinoe's in just. such a strange place about self-reflection. Because there's certain things they'll mull over and over again, refuse to let fade to background noise, but most of those are the things that hurt them? Museum diorama mindscape, preserve everything how it Was and very carefully not thinking about the fact that they could be wrong about their Totally Objective View of things. And all things considered they have a fairly firm sense of self, they just. Can't consistently articulate it to people.

BB

Friendship: What's your OC like as a friend? How are they at making new friends? What are the most important friendships in your OC's life?

I think BB considers a lot of people friends on a very surface level. He knows your name and smiles and nods hi and sometimes you get coffee but neither of you actually know what's going on in each other's more personal life, you know? Breaking the Sidestep Mold (because he's only sometimes a Sidestep) to front as Politely Friendly most of the time.

Actually close friends he has significantly fewer of. You've gotta unwind fifteen layers of his nonsense masks off first. When he's not being Sidestep, he and Ars were the original Ride Or Die team back during the farm days. Mutually deeply protective and very specific about not showing that externally when they could avoid it because that's a big no-no and a potential weakspot. When he IS Sidestep, he was genuinely very close to Julia back in the step days! Secret crush that was like 75% gender envy (it's faded out pretty much entirely esp after he flirts with her as the puppet LMAO 'oh im. hm. not actually into her anymore. interesting. wonder what that's about.') but even without that their like. Different personas that are Still Them depending on the social context sort of rhymes???

Ris

Friendship: What's your OC like as a friend? How are they at making new friends? What are the most important friendships in your OC's life?

Ris is a fantastic friend thank you and they're very proud of that. With them I'm trying to manifest like. Biker who has a kitten in their jacket energy. Absolute sweetheart. Deeply loyal, quick to make friends when that loyalty is returned (and even sometimes when it isn't but they're trying to make Healthy Choices lol). They're more reticent about talking about their own issues, because they're not supposed to be the one who needs help, they're supposed to do the helping.

Important friendship-wise, historically, pre-BG3 plot, their best friend is a Triton named Pike who is also their ex (affectionate). Pike's a pirate whose crew briefly pseudo-adopted a teenaged Ris for a bit while they were Rebounding from their ex (derogatory). The two of them broke up when it was generally agreed that Ris didn't make a very good pirate and should stop hanging out on a pirate ship LOL. They still keep in touch and Ris does consistently introduce them as "this is my ex pike." It's a running joke.

I don't want to turn this into a whole Ramble but them @ the whole party is basically "ive known these people for three weeks and i would commit murders for them" but some of that's probably the trauma bonding: this time with hivemind lite!

[placid0ne]

The Insecure Mind that Secures The Mind

What is Insecure?

Self doubt and disbelief because of the incapability to put trust in oneself.

Lack of self confidence and fear of people's judgment.

What is Secure?

Means when a person feels safe and away from harm.

Can also mean when something or someone is being protected from danger.

(Note: all of this was written by me [a.k.a placid0ne] base on my own understanding and self-experience)

Do you sometimes feel insecure or you always feel that way?

In my situation, I always feel like I'm insecure because I feel like I'm incapable of doing things and feel so stupid about it. I feel like I'm not worth enough. Sometimes I think I'm being naive to think I'm capable of doing things and don't want to brag about it that's why I also feel insecure, self-doubt, distrust, and it also leads to hatred to oneself. But there are times I want to give chance for myself, and I did! It's not bad, it's actually satisfying when you do something you're so incapable of doing. Try and try till there is chance.

"On the first try you might fail, but on the second try you'll prevail" - S

Why do people feel insecure?

Does being insecure helps a person feel more secure/safe about the bad situation that might come later on ?

Insecurities starts with people. People who are insecure tend to think about people's thoughts, opinions, or judgements about themselves when in truth they don't actually care. I've read something in the Bible that individuals overthink of the outcome just to feel prepared before a bad situation ever happens. It also helps them feel much secure and lessen their worry later on. In truth, it doesn't work much (base on my experience) when we think of the bad/negative outcome first. We always keep thinking and thinking by putting "Wha if?" OK, "what if I stutter in my presentation? What if I look ridiculous? That would be totally embarassing! I might breakdown"

Bad situations happen because we think of it. It's like we are thinking ahead and manifesting our own danger instead.

So too much thinking about the situation can make our minds focus more into and feel more worry and weary about it. But if we settle things and break it into parts, there is always a way to solve problems.

Effects of being insecure

Insecure people are being insecure because they feel safer or secure about it just to avoid bad situation ahead. That thought, has pros and cons. We think too much that we actually make bad habits out of it. Like for example:

Too much thinking that people never showed them their abilities/capabilities.

They never realised how exceptional or how much worth they are.

They want to be in a secluded place where socializing can be away from them, which is why finding a job or interacting with people will be much difficulty for them.

Have mental breakdown or much worse, mental illness (depression, suicide, phobia, anxiety, etc.)

They never let themselves show who or what kind of person they are. They can't find themselves true freedom because insecure people are the first person to judge themselves, they get to decide whether they believe of their capabilities or not.

We are like birds who lives in a cage, once they get out, they flap their wings as fast as they can because, there, they find an opportunity to escape or get out of cage that something that hinders their will or freedom. They feel more free to do whatever they want because they're a lot more to do outside (the world) that no mere human could count. Thousands, millions, billions, trillions, and so on. We can do many things in this given world that our Creator made. We shouldn't waste or take full advantage of it with such careless decision. "Be wise" as he said.

Small Story & Conclusion

You see, I had a green bird before that me and my mother bought when I was still younger. This birdie was in a small cage, he's cute that especially children would love. He almost got eaten by a cat, but he was luckily saved because of his cage. Later on, my mom decided to set free the bird. I was sad of course. I never had a pet before, but my momma felt sad about the bird being in a cage. Lastly, she is also pertaining that the bird needs to be free.

You see, I think we think we can cha if we change became mature and more independent in ourselves. But we can't change like that if all of the problems are only carried by ourselves. We need people who will lead us or guide us to the right way. We can ask God for his help and from our family or others even if they're unknown or anonymous (Like me, I'm unknown or anonymous but I'm here on Tumblr to try and help people who have problems. Although, I wouldn't recommend people trusting people who ask personal stuff haha. Be wise ya'll)

Even if it's impossible, things will surely get through...Just don't stop and don't give up! (P. S There are people here who's God differs or doesn't believe in God, as well as have problems with families and such. But just listen. I assure anyone that I would even understand the speck of their worries or problems)

Overall, I think we should be definitely be free from pain or any sense of insecurity or sense of anxiety. Speaking of anxiety, maybe I'll also make a topic about it too.

It's my first time here in Tumblr and I'm also busy in life, so I might not be able to always post this kind of long writing. And the things I wrote here aren't enough! But I don't want to make it long because it will be uninteresting and boring. So I'll see you again (whoever I'm talking to hehe😝😆)

(Note: all of this was written by me [a.k.a placid0ne] base on my own understanding and self-experience)

[michirukaioureincarnate]

Hi 👋, My name is Mohammad, and I’m reaching out in a moment of desperate need. I’m a father of three young children living in Gaza, and we are caught in the midst of a catastrophic war. Our home is no longer a safe haven, and the future here seems increasingly uncertain. 💔

I’ve launched a fundraising campaign with the goal of raising $60,000 to relocate my family to a safer place where my children can grow up in peace and have a chance at a brighter future.

Unfortunately, my previous fundraising efforts were abruptly halted when my account was terminated without explanation. However, I remain determined to keep fighting for my family’s safety and well-being. 🫶

If you could take a moment to read our story, consider donating, or simply share our campaign with others, it would make an incredible difference. Every act of kindness, no matter how small, brings us one step closer to safety and a new beginning. 🙏

Thank you for your time, compassion, and support. ❤️‍🩹

https://gofund.me/fd1faea2 🔗

They're almost at the halfway mark! Please consider donating or spreading the word <3

Also, in hopes that the copy-cat effect is really a thing, here's a screenshot of my own donation [I scratched out my name for privacy reasons, obviously].

Since the beginning of these trying times for the people of Falasteen, I've made an active effort to not spend money unnecessarily on anything that I can do or make at home. This is especially when it comes to ordering out food, and instead putting those $5 to $15 aside for any situation that might need it more before I make something for myself at home.

It's times like this where I can finally reach into the accumulated amount (that would've otherwise gone to a big corpo anyway) to put to actual and beneficial use. I tend to spread out my donations across a verified list from here, Operation Olive Branch. I'd advise anyone willing to donate to head over to the 'Slow Donations' section first to get them some traction and support.

I don't really know what else to say except that I urge anyone and everyone to try and consume as less as possible from the greedy corpos that aren't giving you ANYTHING of value.

You don't need Netflix, just pirate stuff. Invest in indie authors and game producers and artists, local restaurants, seamstresses/clothing designers, etc. Keep boycotting. Become as less dependent as possible on overpriced "conveniences" that are falsely marketed for quality.

May the world know peace one day.

~ Miki | Myca ✧

[brucewhite]

Monday, November 20 -- Personality Playlist: Create a playlist for a personality trait for a character! This could be an Enneagram, Meyers-Briggs, zodiac, etc. or anything else. – 10 songs minimum, a little description for each song.

bruce white as water lilies (july birth flower)

The water lily is known for floating atop ponds of water and is said to symbolize innocence, purity, fertility and peace. After four days of flowering, water lilies will settle under the water, making them all the more unique! The purple varieties were even said to be a sacred flower to the Egyptians as they represented the sun and rebirth. Water lilies are also common in pink, white and red tones. [x]

Tracks under the cut! Listen here.

In The Morning (Solstice Version) by Fleet Foxes

And in the daytime, I will meet you as before You will find me waiting by, waiting by the ocean floor Building castles in the shifting sands In a world nobody understands And in our morning, it's the morning of my life

I just LOVE listening to this song in the morning. It's kind of ideal for that! I associate this song with peace, and this playlist is partially about that aspect of Bruce's personality— despite his occasionally violent history, he's a very peaceful and calm person generally and I like to think he sort of exudes that energy.

2. First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes

This is the first day of my life Swear I was born right in the doorway I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed They're spreading blankets on the beach

When Bruce got to Swynlake, it kind of was the first day of his life— at least of his new life. He really had no idea about human culture except from what he'd seen in movies. I think this song also gets at the peace and innocence that the description talks about with water lillies.

3. Sittin' On The Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding

Sittin' in the mornin' sun I'll be sittin' when the evenin' comes Watching the ships roll in Then I watch 'em roll away again, yeah

Another song that makes me feel peaceful. This song is also about loneliness, which obviously isn't an aspect of the water lilies description, but I think it's interesting how those traits can all go together. I also think the water theme goes well with that interesting tidbit about water lilies going underwater!

4. If I Were a Fish by Corook

If I were a fish and you caught me You'd say "Look at that fish" Shimmering in the sun Such a rare one Can't believe that you caught one

Lol this was actually the first song I added to this playlist. I think it gets at the sort of simple, pure optimism and love that I wanted to convey with this playlist. Also, more water stuff lol.

5. Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson

Maybe we could sleep in Make you banana pancakes Pretend like it's the weekend now

We could pretend it all the time Can't you see that it's just rainin'? There ain't no need to go outside

This is another sweet chill good vibes song. It's kind of a silly song imo about waking up and you're supposed to go to work but instead you want to stay in bed and pretend it's the weekend. Much like water lilies settle underwater... they don't need to go outside.

6. Bubbly by Colbie Callait

The rain is falling on my windowpane But we are hiding in a safer place Under covers, staying dry and warm You give me feelings that I adore

Do you see the water theme? Once again this song is just very cute and like very much early-crush vibes, just very sweet and pure. And I know I'm simplifying things a little but I think that's what flowers are for, they're supposed to represent some simple virtue and that's why they're so often a gift!!! Like you would give a crush <3

7. Cassidy by Brett Dennen

Cassidy, with the ocean in your hair Come out with me, Cassidy! I'll be tangled up tonight but tomorrow I'll be up in the air

This is another one that has water vibes and it's another silly little love song. It has a really whimsical quality that I got from the water lilies description and that I think is sort of the lens through which Bruce sees a lot of human things because he's so unfamiliar with them. It means he sees the world in a unique way!

8. The Otter by Caamp

Hope you don't mind, love But I wrote you a song Standin' in time, love I hope you'll sing along

Another silly love song about water. It's about floatin along just like a water lily! I chose really simple songs for this playlist because I think that's part of the water lily's appeal: it's unique, but also very simple.

9. Oh, What a World by Kacey Musgraves

Oh, what a world, don't wanna leave All kinds of magic all around us, it's hard to believe Thank God it's not too good to be true Oh, what a world, and then there is you

I felt like a song about the beauty of the natural world was fitting for a flower playlist, and especially one about the water lily. Because water lilies really exist best in their natural landscape, their landscape is literally part of their name! And also I think this song is true to how Bruce sees the world, like humans can be terrible but nature is full of amazing things and it's not too good to be true!

10. Friday I'm In Love - Janet Devlin cover

Monday you can fall apart Tuesday, Wednesday, break my heart Oh, Thursday doesn't even start It's Friday, I'm in love

Back to the sweet, simple morning songs. I just think this version of this song is so lovely (so is the original but it's just a different vibe). It's again giving pure optimism and patience and peace and trust that tomorrow will be better. Idk I just love it!

[shuxjodie]

Did Shuichi Really keep his distance from Jodie for her Safety?

We all know Shuichi would have done that but are there any clues in Manga?

Yes!

ch-337

Here it is shown that Shuichi is keeping an eye on Mouri agency after Vermouth stole the files Kogoro solved. FBI was keeping an eye on him because they thought vermouth was also targetting him.

But it had another purpose.

Ch- 342

Here vermouth clearly says that behind stealing the files had another purpose. That is to know the number of FBI agents, their address and the mean to contact them. Through them she figured out about the plan too. And she came at the port two hours ago and made them fool by disguising like Jodie.

Now Shuichi was there at the Mouri agency too, but he made sure that Vermouth won't notice his presence at all. She was clearly surprised and scared as well, when she saw him. 👇

Now Shuichi did that because, Vermouth would lower her guard while on her mission. She was nearly killed in NY because of Shuichi. So she wouldn't have taken risk to face him alone, especially after her boss warned him that he is a person they should fear from. So she would have called other members of BO for help, maybe even Gin. But since she thought that she will be facing Jodie, she didn't.

It was unplanned that Shuichi would show up. As per Jodie's plan, she will lure out Vermouth at the port and there her colleagues will be waiting to capture her. But FBI agents were fooled by Vermouth 2hours ago. Shuichi and Jodie didn't know about this. But since capturing took time, Shuichi went there to check.

So Shuichi getting exposed to Vermouth wasn't part of their plan at all.

Now this question arise-What if Shuichi did that only so that they can easily capture Vermouth.

The answer is yes!

Then what's so special about Jodie?

Now~

Ch-354

Just because he worked with some agents doens't means they're close. Here while capturing the serial killer ( Vermouth disguised) he worked with other agents too. And Camel also worked with Shuichi when they were about to capture Gin. Korn knew about Camel. Then why didn't they target Camel or anyone in those two years but him?

Before targetting anyone, one needs to confirm if they are investing their time in correct place. The closest people are targeted so that they will be easily captured. The closed ones can be manipulated easily using the reference of personal connection. For example, Mary was lured out by Vermouth, because MI16 agents spotted Tsutomu, her husband and wanted to confirm his identity. Since the relationship is personal, it comes to an emotional level for the target as well. They'll give in more easily, without any resistance ( as Shuichi said in ch-897👇) for their closed one's safety. And it's very unlikely, the agents he worked with will fall for the trap as they are trained and professionals. So capturing any FBI agent is no easy game. Now, the closest people are targeted because it's on an emotional level which is why they're easy to capture. Also it doesn't guarantee that Shuichi or anyone will give in that easily if the people captured, ain't close.

Ch- 897

From what Shuichi says, we can clearly say that Jodie was Bourbon's prime target as she won't waste time to investigate if she starts to doubt his death.

Now we know that from ch-342, Jodie said- "Shuu", infront of Vermouth. So Vermouth would have got an idea that they're close. In Japan, to call someone using their first name, one has to be really close. And she calls him using a nickname.

Gosho makes other FBI agents use Japanese honorifics, even if they are foreigners. James and Camel address almost everyone using Japanese honorifics( Akai-kun, Akai-San, Jodie-kun, Jodie-San), and in latest chapter of serial murder case of FBI agents, the two snipers were addressing Jodie as "Jodie-san". It's most likely Gosho makes everyone follow Japanese way to address others except Jodie and Shuichi. They don't do that with each other and with other FBI agents. But they address people with Japanese honorifics other than agents.

And after Shuichi faked his death, Jodie's reaction made it clear for everyone. Vermouth got the proof, while she cried in the car and when Bourbon investigated, it became specific. Even bourbon suspected if they were in a relationship. It was Bourbon's assumption that he made on the reaction he saw.

Now this question arise- Why bourbon targeted Camel? Mainly because he was spotted with James and Jodie near the Bank. Bourbon didn't know that he worked with Shuichi 2 years ago. But as I said just because one worked with other, don't make them close and after that incident they didn't work together either. Since Camel was also with Jodie in Beika mall, he investigated his reaction too.

Now what can we assume from this part about Vermouth?

What if she would have tried to investigate the close people of Shuichi after his cover was blown up? Well she did that with Jodie, then why not with Shuichi, whom they desperately wanted to kill in those two years.

Let's have a look-

By disguising and infiltrating anywhere to investigate as much as she wants also include to know who are the people Jodie was close with, the places she visits, people she meets, hobbies etc. Well she can hide her real face to investigate in surroundings. This makes it easier for her to conduct investigations and leaving no clue behind, as no one could find the actual person who was carrying out the investigation in the first place. So, Vermouth suspected Jodie when she in NY not when she was in Japan. In japan, FBI would have used codenames instead of actual names. And it was after Sharon Vinyard's death when Jodie kept her eyes on Chris Vinyard. So, Vermouth would have grasped that she was being monitored so shy must have investigated Jodie in NY. But fortunately, she didn't find anything about her relationship with Shuichi.

Ch-1048

Now what she did in Mary's case? At first when BO knew about Tsutomu Akai, Vermouth would have investigated about him, his whereabouts, his family etc. And since she planned to lure out Mary from the beginning and infiltrate MI16, she would have tried to get information about Tsutomu's voice, how he generally behaved, the way he communicates, his body language etc, from surrounding too. As a top class actress, who won Oscar, she won't leave these important matters. She visited Dr. Aride a few times before she wanted to kill him so that she'll get enough information about how to play him. So she would have collected enough of information, so that she can disguise herself as Tsutomu successfully, in order to infilter MI16, without leaving much room for suspicion. The fact that he met no one in those 17years and the excuse of head injury makes it easier for Vermouth though. But becoming total different person will definitely lead to a big threat as she would be infiltering a National Intelligence Agency. So she needs to be careful to match her personality with the actual Tsutomu as much as possible.

Detective Conan- The great detective turned small

Now because of this, the mystery behind that why Shuichi chose to sit at the back instead of driving himself gets solved.

They were already in USA so capturing Vermouth was easier than foreign land but they didn't have any proof against her. So Shuichi let her drive keeping himself hidden at the back. Just like-why not follow her? It was safer as he didn't reveal himself but he was still with her.

But since Shuichi already had this information that she'll head towards Japan, so he didn't drive himself to catch her then and there. In Japan they had this plus point- they can catch her with proof, that is while she try to eliminate Sherry. So they will get a solid proof against her.

Well this special was a remake of the first CANON episode. So technically, this scene should match with the actual story. And it does!

Vermouth knew about Jodie in NY.

Shuichi got lead that they should carryout their further mission in Japan, that is after Akemi's death.

And lastly he was there with Jodie but Vermouth didn't get a clue about his presence at all because in the Halloween party, she was shocked to see Shuichi.

So isn't it fare to question that Vermouth would have tried the same with Shuichi? Disguising herself to keep her identity safe while investigating about him, that is, to gather information about him, his close people,his family etc. But she never found anything. As I said trapping close people to lure him out will be the most easiest way out. But BO had no idea whatsoever.

Now there is this question- How Vermouth knew about Masumi? It was bourbon who knew about her because he met her 4 years ago when she met Shuichi on station, when he scolded her( Ch--936-938). So Bourbon must have informed about her to Vermouth. Mostly after Conan was kidnapped and Subaru, Bourbon and Masumi chased the culprit to save him.(ch-800) Vermouth had no idea who is Masumi when she went to kill Mary.

Now she used her disguising capabilities to-

Investigate Jodie's identity and find information about her.

She also collected information about the members of Akai family after Tsutomu disappeared. Then she lured out Mary to kill her so that she'll infilter into MI16 as Tsutomu. She would have tried to collect information about his personality too.

So, she would have definitely used her disguising skills to investigate about Akai Shuichi! But she never found anything about his closed ones in FBI.

So we can clearly say that breaking up with Jodie had another purpose(as everyone expected). Jodie's safety and so that he won't get blackmailed either to surrender. It's the same reason he kept distance during those two years except they started working with each other on Vermouth's case but he still tried to hide himself during their mission. Because in those two years they never targeted Jodie.

Well Shuichi started dating Jodie when he just entered into FBI, as Gosho said. At that time he was 24-25 and then Jodie was 20-21 so she clearly wasn't a FBI agent at that time. But when he broke up at 27, maybe she got newly into FBI or she was still training in Quantico. Well she would be 23, which is the minimum age to get into FBI. So FBI agents would not have known anything about them. And once Gosho said that Shuichi would take his girlfriend on long drives so maybe they didn't visit crowded places that much. Which decreased the amount of getting information about them even more.

Now in between Vermouth arc and Kir arc, why BO didn't targeted Jodie? There are many reasons not to do that-

Shuichi wouldn't have stayed in same place after getting exposed, as BO would target him. So they would have thought he and FBI went back to the States.

Mostly FBI would have returned to States as they didn't have permission to conduct the investigation in Japan at that time.

Since FBI would have no lead to pursue BO in Japan, they would have left Japan as clearly in Kir arc, Gin was surprised that FBI showed up at the end.

Since Gin and other members were shocked to see Akai Shuichi near Mouri agency, so it's clear that they didn't have that much idea if FBI agents were still there in Japan and would track them down. They didn't have any backup plan nor they expected this in the first place.

That's how it gets settled that why Jodie was never targeted before but after Shuichi's fake death.

So Shuichi did keep his distance from Jodie, for her safety and it's proven from manga!

❤

[bettydice]

I didn’t expect you to be lonely (too)

Xicheng, Modern AU, JC&WWX reconciliation, E-Rated 

[Read on AO3]

Chapter 7

The night after their date, which was both a disaster and the best date he’s ever had, Jiang Cheng can't sleep. He keeps thinking about Lan Xichen’s shaking hands, the kiss, the kisses that followed, about not casually, about Wei Wuxian dating Lan Xichen's brother. About how if they're not casual, then he'll have to get over himself and at least be able to be in a room together with Wei Wuxian, or Lan Xichen will just be another person suffering from this stupid situation.

If they're… If they are something now. If it lasts. He wants it to last. Which is another thing keeping him awake. How much he already feels for Lan Xichen. How his brain has no problem providing him with… Domestic scenarios. That eventually turn into not so domestic ones. But he’s too tired to do anything about his arousal, so his brain instead comes up with scenarios where Lan Xichen tells him he regrets everything about yesterday and does not want to see him again. Those are… not fun.

Eventually, morning comes. Jiang Cheng stays in bed. He has nothing to do today, he’s tired, and there’s nothing waiting for him in his kitchen except for dirty dishes. So, he grabs his phone and watches some cute bunny compilations on YouTube. After the fifth video he does feel better, so when Wei Wuxian’s daily selfie arrives (Wei Wuxian holds up a very large mug of coffee, winking at the camera), Jiang Cheng doesn’t even get angry or sad. He actually has to smile.

He immediately gets up, gets dressed, doesn’t open the door to his kitchen, and takes the bus to his sister’s house.

Jiang Yanli doesn’t even question why he’s there, simply sets the breakfast table for one more person. Jin Zixuan also doesn’t question him, simply makes him some really strong coffee. After breakfast, he's handed Jin Ling, so his sister and her husband can do some chores, which suits him just fine, because Jin Ling is perfect and amazing and the only one who understands him. He's also a little tired and grumpy today - relatable - so Jiang Cheng ends up on the couch with Jin Ling napping on his chest. Which, alas, means he can't move because he'd wake his precious nephew. With Jin Ling’s reassuring weight keeping him glued to the couch, Jiang Cheng has no choice but to close his eyes.

"A-Cheng. Are you asleep?"

"Mhm."

"A-Cheng, wake up."

When he pries open his eyes, he sees his sister, sitting in the armchair next to the sofa, smiling at them.

"I can't move," Jiang Cheng explains.

"I understand." Of course she does, A-Jie always understands.

He does try to assume a sort of sitting position, so he can better look at her, making sure A-Ling still stays in prime napping position. She has That Look on her face, meaning she wants to Talk About Things, but won't necessarily push him.

"It's really nice that you stopped by today," Jiang Yanli says, and without calling in advance to make sure Wei Wuxian definitely won't be there goes unsaid but not unheard.

"I missed my nephew." Jiang Cheng looks down at A-Ling and smiles. He can’t see much more than one of his chubby cheeks smushed against Jiang Cheng’s chest, and it’s adorable.

"And he missed you." Jiang Yanli smiles and leans forward, so she can gently stroke A-Ling's head. "Did you have a good week?"

Jiang Cheng has to think about Lan Xichen and his kisses and his smile widens, grows impossibly soft, before he quickly tries to wipe it off his face. His sister notices it, of course, as evidenced by her slightly raised eyebrows." Yeah… It was good. "

Jiang Cheng hesitates, because he's not actually sure whether he wants to tell his sister about… All of that. For one, she's paying for his sessions. And it still doesn't feel quite real. Ten days ago he felt horrible and lonely and now Lan Xichen kissed him and is attracted to him and said "slowly, but not casually", which… Does this mean they're boyfriends? That's too quickly, isn't it? But they're not dating, because they both hate dating, but they’re not casual, so the logical conclusion…

"A-Cheng?" Apparently not the first time she's called his name.

"I think I have a boyfriend," is not what he wanted to say and yet his stupid mouth fucking betrays him. Jiang Yanli looks stunned for a few seconds - understandable - then a warm smile spreads over her face. Jiang Cheng lifts his hand, before she can say anything. "I'm… I'm not sure I want to talk about it. It's obviously a recent and surprising turn of events and who knows if anything will actually come of it, you know how I am with relationships, they end before they can start - "

"It’s okay. You don’t need to say anything, if you’re not ready yet."

Jiang Cheng gives her a grateful smile. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk about it, but…

"How are your massage sessions going? How many have you had yet?" A seemingly random change of topic, but considering…

"Oh… Those are… Good. Relaxing." Jiang Cheng narrows his eyes at his sister who looks so unassuming and innocent… Fuck. She knows. Jiang Cheng's face immediately grows hot. He doesn't know why he ever even tries to keep a secret in this family. "A-jie, how did you.. It's not… He is…"

"As I said, you don't have to talk about it. But you can. You can always talk to me. About anything."

She doesn’t mean it as a reprimand, but Jiang Cheng immediately feels guilty. He has been … many things, these past few months. Has sometimes been unfairly angry at his sister, because she still meets with Wei Wuxian, because Wei Wuxian didn't abandon her, too. Has visited less, and not only because he didn't want to risk bumping into his brother. Hadn’t wanted his sister to know how poorly he was doing, to realise how shitty everything in his life was going.

"I know. Sorry, A-jie."

"What are you apologizing for?"

"Just… For being an idiot."

His sister’s smile stays warm, but her tone is a little stern when she says: "You're not an idiot." She leans forward and gently strokes his forehead. Just like she usually does with A-Ling. Just like...

The door opens and someone enters the room. Jiang Cheng turns towards the wall, mortified. Since his sister isn’t home, it must be Wei Wuxian.

“Fuck off.”

Wei Wuxian does not, of course, fuck off. Instead, he comes over and sits down on the edge of the bed.

“I really liked your poem. Which is saying a lot, because I barely made it through without screaming. Horrifying subject matter.”

Jiang Cheng doesn’t answer, just squeezes his eyes shut and tries to get his tears to stop falling with the power of his mind.

“You described that dog in such vivid detail, I thought I’d have a heart attack!”

Is Wei Wuxian here to make fun of him? He knows it was just a stupid little poem that can’t compare to getting first place at that stupid science fair. Isn’t it enough to hear that from his mother - does his brother have to rub it in, too? He knows he’s pathetic, crying about this like a little boy.

“Huaisang was raving about it all afternoon. He really liked the… meter you used. Whatever that means.”

Jiang Cheng wipes his face and turns around. Just enough so he can see his brother out of the corner of his eye. “He said that?”

“Yeah! He also said ‘I didn’t realise Jiang Cheng was able to create such beautiful metaphors, I think I’m going to put him on my list of people I’d allow to give me a blowjob.”

Jiang Cheng groans and fully turns around, so he can throw a pillow at his brother. “He didn’t say that!”

Wei Wuxian easily catches the pillow and grins. “It was implied! Anyway… I thought, maybe you want to write some lyrics for Yiling Laozu? I feel like our metaphor game is really lacking at the moment.”

Jiang Cheng frowns. “If you’re just taking the piss…”

“I mean it!” Wei Wuxians reaches out like he wants to wipe Jiang Cheng’s tears, but seems to think better of it. Instead, he starts stroking Jiang Cheng’s forehead.

Jiang Cheng feels… like his tears are going to return. He frowns even harder. “I’m not a fucking baby. Stop that.”

“Aw, but that’s where you’re wrong! You’re my baby brother! Sweet little ChengCheng!”

“Fuck off!”

Jiang Cheng tries to shove Wei Wuxian from the bed with his foot, but Wei Wuxian tackles him instead, wraps his arms around him and squeezes him. Coos into his ear in a disgustingly sweet voice: “My talented Didi! My precious A-Di! Just a tiny, tiny baby with the heart of a poet!”

Jiang Cheng complains loudly and tries to free himself. But he can’t help but laugh.

"Wei Wuxian sends me a selfie every morning." Once again, his stupid mouth does things without his permission.

"Does he now." Jiang Yanli doesn’t even bat an eyelash at the fact Jiang Cheng’s word vomit jumps from possible boyfriend to Wei Wuxian’s selfies.

"He wouldn't do that if he didn't want anything to do with me… Right?"

"He wouldn't. He misses you.” Jiang Yanli, still stroking his head, hesitates, before she says: “Maybe you can consider it… an opening?"

Jiang Cheng closes his eyes for a while, as though that would help him sort the emotional chaos in his mind.

"Wei Wuxian is dating Lan Xichen's brother."

"Yes."

"Are they… Is it serious?"

Just like Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian never had relationships. But not because he was inherently unlovable or scared everyone off with his frown, or anything like that. He used to get crushes all the time that fizzled out just as quickly, said it would be too selfish to be tied down, everyone should be able to enjoy the wonders of being with Wei Wuxian. Though his brother also got way less action than he let people assume.

"Oh, they're… definitely serious." Jiang Yanli laughs.Jiang Cheng opens his eyes again. He wants to ask more, as though now he's fed the monster in his chest scraps of Wei Wuxian’s life, it has realised it’s been starving and craves more and more.

In comparison, it actually seems safer to talk about Lan Xichen. "Lan Xichen might be my boyfriend. Possibly. Hopefully?"

Jiang Yanli, once again, doesn’t comment on the topic change. She does pull back her hand and sits upright, a curious look on her face. "Might?"

"So, we went on a date and we concluded we both dislike dating but like each other and… And he said we should do this ‘slowly, but not casually’. And we… Well, the date ended very… It was nice. So. What do you think?"

He resolutely stares at a spot just above Jiang Yanli's shoulder, refusing to acknowledge his burning face. He's just hot because he's trapped under his nephew who is in the 93rd percentile of weight for toddlers his age. Jiang Cheng’s not sure what it means, but he chooses to believe that A-Ling is stronger and better than 92% of toddlers. And louder than 99%. He’s very proud of his nephew.

"It does sound as though you're both interested in pursuing a relationship with each other."

"So you don't think it's too early?"

"Too early for what?"

"Just… Thinking about him like that."

"You did already like him when you were a teenager."

"What the fuck?” Jiang Cheng does look at her then, mouth open in shock. ”How did you… Nie Huaisang told you, didn't he?"

"He didn't have to." Jiang Yanli tries to hide her smile behind her hand, but Jiang Cheng knows it's there.

Jiang Cheng is just… going to move past this. "But I didn't know him back then. I've not even known him for two weeks and already..."

I'm in love with him. It's not like it's not like him. Jiang Cheng doesn't fall for people often, but when he does, he falls hard. It's just that until now, none of them (none of the two people he’s liked like this before) had ever liked him back.

"Sometimes, two people just fit well together."

Jiang Cheng immediately wants to say "Nobody would fit well with me, I only have sharp edges" but his sister would disagree immediately. And… He can't deny it does feel like they… They just fit, somehow. Even if Jiang Cheng often feels like he doesn't even fit his own skin, like his life doesn't fit him. Spending time with Lan Xichen had been easy from the beginning, the only complications being the issues Jiang Cheng brings into every interaction with another human. And bunny pee.

Jiang Cheng can't help but laugh at the memory.

"Whatever is happening between you two... I'm happy for you. You deserve to be happy, A-Cheng, no matter what you think." Jiang Yanli puts her hand on his shoulder, so he can’t help looking at her. Jiang Cheng does, even though his eyes are burning. His sister looks… intense. The way she looks when something is truly, deeply important to her. "You also deserve to find out that A-Xian doesn't hate you. That he loves and misses you. That he's just as scared he's lost you forever. One of you just has to be brave so you can both realize you still love each other."

Jiang Cheng is saved from having to give a response that's not just crying hysterically, by a very… specific sound coming from his nephew, followed by a very specific smell. Followed by A-Ling waking up and crying, loudly.

"Do you want to take care of this?" his sister asks, resigned to the fact he definitely won’t want to do that. Luckily, there's a solution.

"Jin Zixuan! Hey, come here! Your son is crying for you!" Jiang Cheng yells, sitting upright and carefully holds A-Ling away from his body.

Jin Zixuan does immediately come rushing into the living room, only to frown as soon as the smell hits him.

"Would you mind, A-Xuan…?" his sister asks with the sweetest smile and, of course, Jin Zixuan grabs A-Ling without any complaints, only sends a dark look in Jiang Cheng's direction, who smirks at him.

Jiang Cheng spends the entire day at their house. He helps his sister cook, takes A-Ling to the playground, takes another nap with A-Ling during the afternoon. When hehe falls into his bed at night, his mind feels much quieter and he can sleep peacefully.

Jiang Cheng’s next appointment isn’t until Tuesday, but they exchange a lot of messages in the meantime. Lan Xichen sends him pictures of the bunnies, of his plants, and of his meals. Jiang Cheng, who has neither pets nor meals worthy of taking pictures, suddenly finds himself going on a lot of walks, so he can send Lan Xichen pictures of trees and artsy shots of leaves in puddles. Lan Xichen told him to keep the scarf, so he wears it every time he leaves the house. It keeps him warm.

Now, standing in front of Lan Xichen’s door, Jiang Cheng suddenly feels nervous. They agreed to not mix business with pleasure, so to say. It will be just a very normal session. But Lan Xichen already invited him to stay for dinner after and Jiang Cheng enthusiastically agreed.

It's not a date, because they don't date, but… Will they kiss? He wouldn't mind more kisses…

Lan Xichen greets him with his usual smile and they stare awkwardly at each other for only about ten seconds before Lan Xichen asks him to come inside. He smiles when Jiang Cheng takes off the scarf.

They do manage to keep the session professional, except for one little moment. When Lan Xichen wraps Jiang Cheng in a towel and tucks in the edges, he also tucks a stray hair behind Jang Cheng’s ear. They share a soft look and a smile, then Lan Xichen clears his throat and leaves the room after turning on the music.

Later, they prepare dinner together, and his nervousness earlier turns out to be unfounded. It’s easy for them to just switch into… Jiang Cheng calls it ‘Boyfriend Mode’ in his head, though he’d never say it out loud. Lan Xichen is a very tactile person and Jiang Cheng finds he’s a person who… craves touch. Sometimes their hands will brush against each other, or Jiang Cheng will lean against Lan Xichen, or Lan Xichen will put his hand on Jiang Cheng’s waist or the small of his back. It just seems to come naturally for them and… He never knew or expected it could be this easy.

They kiss. It is simple, like their other touches. Lan Xichen is stirring the pot, while Jiang Cheng tells him about a cute dog he saw during one of his walks. Their eyes meet, Lan Xichen smiles, Jiang Cheng returns the smile. Lan Xichen leans towards him. They kiss. Short, but very tender. Lan Xichen smiles again, his whole face lights up and they kiss again, a little longer. It feels… like a habit. As though they’ve been doing this for a long time, as though they will be doing this for a long time. Which doesn’t mean it’s not also exciting. It makes him feel hot, but in a way that’s soothing… Like drinking hot cocoa after walking through the snow.

During dinner, Lan Xichen asks him about his weekend and Jiang Cheng tells him about the time he spent with A-Ling, which reminds him of the conversation he had with his sister. Jiang Cheng’s first instinct is to ignore that reminder… but Lan Xichen said honesty is very important to him. Jiang Cheng should be upfront. They need to talk about their families and how they want to tell them sooner or later anyway, if this is... And considering their brothers’ relationship… He doesn't want to be responsible for Lan Xichen getting in situations where he might have to lie to his brother or conceal something from him.

So Jiang Cheng spends the rest of the meal trying to mentally prepare himself for yet another conversation about their relationship, possibly about feelings, too. He’s had so many of those in the past few weeks. Maybe all the conversations he’s avoided over the past year can’t be pushed back anymore, and are now trying to break through all at once. Maybe it’s him being selfish… he knows he needs to sort out his life if he wants to be with Lan Xichen. Or maybe… when he cried in front of Lan Xichen and felt safe and understood instead of humiliated… maybe that helped him to stop running away from conversations that scared him.

"Lan-laoshi…There's something I wanted to talk about with you."

"Ah, maybe drop the laoshi when we're... like this?" Lan Xichen chuckles lightly, as he closes the dishwasher. Then he sits back down at the kitchen table and smiles warmly at Jiang Cheng. “What did you want to talk about?”

"Right, I can do that… anyway, I should tell you… I told my sister. About you. Us. This." Jiang Cheng takes a sip from his water, so he stops adding unnecessary words. "I hope that's okay? We didn't really discuss whether… and things are a little complicated right now anyway, with our families… "

Lan Xichen's eyes widen a little. He looks surprised, but not concerned. "Oh, of course. I don’t mind at all."

"Have you… have you told your brother yet?"

"Ah… Wangji knows that there is someone, but… “ Lan Xichen cocks his head, then says softly: “I understand your relationship with Wei Wuxian is somewhat tense at the moment, so… Would you want to tell your brother yourself?"

Jiang Cheng can't help the bitter laugh that escapes him. "I'm not talking to my brother at all these days."

"Oh, I didn't realise… That must be difficult, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, it's my fault."

Right. Lan Xichen doesn't know. Once he knows, he'll probably be disappointed in him. Maybe get second thoughts after all. He really shouldn't have told his sister, it's too early, too fragile, Nie Huaisang knows too… Soon, they'll both know when Jiang Cheng gets rightfully dumped and…

Lan Xichen rests his hand warmly on top of Jiang Cheng's. His eyes and his smile are just as warm. The gesture is both a reassurance and an invitation. Jiang Cheng doesn’t have to talk about it, doesn’t have to say anything, but he could.

And he really can. He could… tell Lan Xichen anything. Show him the worst parts of himself and… Even if it changes his opinion of Jiang Cheng, he wouldn’t make him feel worse than he already does.

It's not really a conversation that can be avoided, is it? So he should just go ahead and get it over with.

“I do want to tell you… it’s just…” Jiang Cheng sighs and drags a hand over his face. “I’m not sure I can do… I’ve never… So I don’t know how I would… I might be a mess.”

Lan Xichen simply smiles, nods, and says: “Alright.”

Fifteen minutes later, Jiang Cheng is sitting on the couch, a pot of tea is on the table in front of him, and the bunnies are exploring the living room. Lan Xichen places a box of tissues on the couch table, before sitting down next to him. Jiang Cheng can’t help but laugh at that.

He’s never actually tried to put into words what happened, because Jiang Yanli knows what happened. He assumes Wei Wuxian told her, anyway, and the rest she must’ve guessed correctly because she knows them so well… And he’s been ignoring anyone else who could ask about it. So now he has to find words to give to Lan Xichen, has to tell him about how horrible Jiang Chang has been, can be, when he wants to show him anything but.

Jiang Cheng is too scared to look at him while he talks. Scared to see the very moment Lan Xichen switches from sympathy to judgment. He doesn’t want to see Lan Xichen’s eyes when they start seeing him the same way Jiang Cheng sees himself.

He tries to stick to the facts: After Jiang Yanli moved in with Jin Zixuan, they sold their family home.Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian were going to get a flat closer to uni together. They found one; Jiang Cheng paid for the deposit. A week after the move, the day before their moving in party, Wei Wuxian told him he was moving in with the Wens instead to help take care of A-Yuan, since Wen Ning’s hospital stay didn’t seem to be a short one. Jiang Cheng got angry. They had a fight (Jiang Cheng barely remembers what they said) that ended with Jiang Cheng telling Wei Wuxian he’s free to leave. Specifically told him to ‘go the fuck away and stay away’. And Wei Wuxian listened. In the past year, they’ve seen each other two times: Jiang Yanli’s birthday and Jin Ling’s birthday.

Saying it out loud, hearing it out loud…

“So, in conclusion: I’m a fucking asshole. Now you know.” Jiang Cheng laughs, a bitter sound, and his fingernails dig into his palms. He still can’t look at Lan Xichen.

Lan Xichen… doesn’t say anything. But he takes his hand.

“Thank you for telling me.”

Jiang Cheng closes his eyes. Will this be followed by ‘I didn’t realise this is the kind of person you are’ or ‘You’re right, I shouldn’t be doing this with you’? He knows Lan Xichen won’t actually say either of this, but…

“Wanyin… would you look at me?”

Jiang Cheng really doesn’t want to, but… Lan Xichen said his name so carefully, so gently… He opens his eyes and turns his head.

Lan Xichen’s eyes are still kind.

Jiang Cheng’s heart draws tight, so tight it hurts. And then… it softens.

Lan Xichen smiles. This is not unusual. After all, he’s very generous with his smiles. Jiang Cheng still finds himself surprised.

“You must have been very hurt.” Lan Xichen squeezes his hand when he says this. Which is good, because Jiang Cheng can focus on that instead. On the warmth of his hand, his elegant, long fingers covering his. Instead of… How Lan Xichen picked this to focus on, after everything he said.

Did he make it sound like it was Wei Wuxian’s fault? He’s been hiding behind his anger and blame for so long, maybe that has influenced his telling of the events. Maybe Lan Xichen got the wrong idea. “I… Yes, but… that’s no excuse. He was just helping… he was doing the right thing, even if I… and it’s been so long, so I should really… I should have apologized a long time ago, I’m the one who messed it all up.”

“Are you waiting for him to make the first step?”

He can’t hear any judgment in Lan Xichen’s voice. He’s not saying ‘this is your fault, so you should be the one apologizing’. He’s simply asking about Jiang Cheng’s feelings, because he thinks they matter. Though there’s nothing simple about his feelings.

Jiang Cheng has verbalized this part many times. Has said ‘he abandoned me, he should be the one who apologises’, and variations of it, to his sister. But deep down it’s not what he actually thinks. Because Lan Xichen’s eyes are still kind, because he’s holding his hand, because there’s no judgment, because he doesn’t expect him to answer a certain way… Jiang Cheng tries to be honest.

“I think I am. He’s always… Whenever we fought, he was always the one… Well, he didn’t apologise, but he just went back to teasing me, went back to normal… He knows I just get angry, no matter what I actually feel, he used to know that… I thought it’d be the same this time. But… So, maybe he doesn’t want to make up.”

Tears burn in his eyes and he’s not sure it’s even worth the effort trying to hold them back. They’ll spill sooner or later, just like these words are spilling from his mouth, now that he’s allowing them to. He’s still looking at Lan Xichen’s hand. At both their hands, resting on Lan Xichen’s thigh. Lan Xichen’s thumb strokes the back of his hand, so Jiang Cheng continues.

“If I went to him, he would come back. He’s always… I know he would. But I don’t want to be an obligation or a burden for him. I don’t want him to feel pity for me. If he doesn’t want to… And I understand, our relationship has never been easy. We always existed in comparison to each other and I know he held himself back sometimes, to make up for my lacking… I had thought, with my parents gone it would be - which is a horrible thought - but I thought it would get easier, gentler. But I guess I’m still me. So… I understand. And if he thinks I hate him, he’ll stay away. He seems happy with his life, so…”

Jiang Cheng is crying now, can’t even be bothered by it. And there’s still more words waiting to burst out of him, finally freed after a year of living only in the darkest corners of Jiang Cheng’s heart. Lan Xichen still isn’t saying anything, just listens to everything, holds his hand, shares his warmth with Jiang Cheng, so he doesn’t feel cold while baring himself.

“I can’t help it though, I’m still… I’m still angry. Not just at myself, at him. He said we’d always be brothers, would always be together… I know it’s childish, but he shouldn’t have said it if he didn’t mean it. If he was able to just leave like that, he shouldn’t have… They were my friends, too, I could have helped! He just made his choice and left! And fine, if he’s happier that way… Fine! But then he sends me his stupid selfies, every fucking day! Who does that? Why would he… He should just stay gone, if that’s what he wants!”

He draws in a shuddering breath and sinks back against the couch. There. He’s said everything he’s been holding in. He feels… He doesn’t know what he feels. Drained? Relieved?

Though there’s one more thing, one last thought that wants to escape: “I miss him so much.”

They’re both quiet for a while. Jiang Cheng, who is avoiding Lan Xichen’s eyes again, grabs a tissue and wipes his face. He’s thinking about making a ‘funny’ comment about how the tissues did come in handy after all to break the silence, but Lan Xichen is quicker: “Can I give you a hug?”

Jiang Cheng turns to look at him and… He doesn’t know what to make of Lan Xichen’s expression, his voice. There’s understanding and sympathy, but he also looks… sad, maybe, and it feels like he’s asking to be hugged just as much as he’s asking to give a hug. Jiang Cheng nods and immediately, Lan Xichen lets go of his hand, wraps his arms around him and pulls him close. Jiang Cheng returns the hug tightly, buries his face in Lan Xichen’s hair. Tightens his hold whenever Lan Xichen does the same.

The hug is maybe one of the best he’s ever received. Lan Xichen hugs without restraint. Doesn't hold back, doesn’t feel embarrassed about wanting to hold someone. Doesn't feel embarrassed about seeking such closeness.

Jiang Cheng feels warm and safe and… liked. Even after everything he just said. So he keeps holding on to him until Lan Xichen eventually draws back. He doesn’t fully let go of Jiang Cheng, he only pulls away enough to smile down at him.

“Thank you for telling me. That can’t have been easy.”

“Uh, well, thank you for listening. And it… well, actually it ended up being too easy. Sorry, I just kinda barfed up all those words.” Oh fuck, way to ruin a moment.

However, Lan Xichen simply laughs, before he turns more serious again. “Do you want to hear my thoughts? Or do you just want to rest now?”

Oh… He is exhausted. But simply the fact Lan Xichen gives him this choice is enough to makes him want to keep talking. “I’d like to hear what you think.”

Lan Xichen turns a little, so they can look at each other more comfortably. Jiang Cheng also adjusts his position, until they’re facing each other. Lan Xichen takes Jiang Cheng’s hand again, while the other rests on Jiang Cheng’s knee.

“I don’t think you’re an asshole.”

Jiang Cheng grimaces at such an obvious lie. Lan Xichen chuckles and lifts his hand to smooth out Jiang Cheng’s frown with his fingertips. “Don’t frown, let me finish talking.”

He rolls his eyes a little, but stops frowning and nods.

“I think your anger is very understandable. Your hurt, too. It’s easy to look back at this moment and see everything that went wrong, what you could have done better. But back then you were shocked and hurt, so you lashed out. It doesn’t matter if your brother had good intentions, or did ‘the right thing’... that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be upset how it affected you.”

Lan Xichen casually wipes away a tear that escaped Jiang Cheng’s eye and continues talking.

“It seems you’ve carried around this moment since then, have thought about it every day, have regretted it every day. And every additional day you weren’t talking made what you did worse in your eyes. So with every day that goes by, trying to fix it becomes even harder. But I don’t think it’s impossible, not at all. What you told me just now… you could tell it to Wei Wuxian.”

Jiang Cheng, who had been stunned into silence by Lan Xichen’s words simultaneously piercing his heart and soothing it, adamantly shakes his head. Probably frowns again. “ Fuck no. I can’t talk with him about this… I’m not good at talking about my feelings.”

“Oh?” Lan Xichen seems to be holding back a laugh. “But you just did it. Very well, in my opinion.”

“That’s different!”

“How?”

“Well… because you’re you. And Wei Wuxian and I… we never talked about the painful stuff because we knew it would end badly. And even if I would manage to talk about it without getting angry or saying hurtful things… Getting him to talk honestly about his feelings would be just as difficult.”

“Maybe he’s been thinking about this as much as you did and has his own regrets.”

Jiang Cheng's first instinct is, of course, to disagree, but… Lan Xichen has said so many things he wants to be true, has said things that felt true… “Yeah… maybe.”

“I know confronting the issue is scary. But maybe it’s more scary to think this… hm… this limbo you’re in will continue? You’re regretting, you’re missing him… but you’re also still hoping. I think so, anyway.”

“Yeah…” Jiang Cheng rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah… maybe… “

Lan Xichen looks at him fondly, eyes crinkling. He caresses his cheek again, wiping a few more tears in the process. Jiang Cheng would like to hug him again, would like to kiss him, to bury himself in his warmth. But he realises he really needs to blow his nose, so he does that instead of any of those much nicer things. “Ugh… sorry. Somehow I always end up crying all over you.”

“Ah, last time it was my turn, now you again… it can be our thing.”

Jiang Cheng gives him an incredulous look and they both laugh. “No thank you, that sounds exhausting. I’m sure we can think of something less emotionally draining.”

Lan Xichen hums, clearly amused and presses a kiss to the back of Jiang Cheng’s hand. “True, that would definitely be preferable. But… just for the record… I do not mind. Thank you for trusting me with this. I know how difficult it is to show someone… the parts of yourself you’re ashamed of. It’s something I’m still struggling with. ...As you know.”

Lan Xichen seems embarrassed, which Jiang Cheng cannot accept, so he lifts their hands and presses a kiss to Lan Xichen’s hand this time. “I do trust you. And I… you’re much better at all of this, of course, but you can trust me too, with stuff like that. I’ll try to be… you know... Uhm, anyway, I think I do feel catharsis now! So maybe that’s just our thing, haha.”

“Mhm, definitely sounds better than emotional devastation. Though I suppose they often are closely linked.”

They share another smile, and Jiang Cheng once again thinks how much he’d like to kiss him. But once again, he doesn’t. He suddenly becomes painfully aware of the dried tears on his cheeks, so he excuses himself to go wash his face. He returns to Lan Xichen sitting on the floor between the bunnies and joins him.

This time, Cloud doesn’t pee on him. Lan Xichen still drives him home later and they kiss in the car.

There’s an underlying tenderness every time Lan Xichen touches him. Jiang Cheng only hopes his own touch feels the same. But this kiss… It’s really… They’ve been good at kissing from the start. But this time…It leaves him breathless.

It’s a kiss like their hug earlier. Without embarrassment. Without the need to hold back or hide any feelings. Even though Lan Xichen would have every reason to be cautious.

Once they’ve caught their breath, Lan Xichen invites him over for Thursday afternoon. No massage this time. Just a walk, then tea and cake at his apartment after. Jiang Cheng agrees, obviously. Even if he had class or something, he’d probably still agree. After a kiss like that…

Later, he finds himself in bed with a notebook. It’s a present Wei Wuxian got him - made for him - for his 18th birthday. It has Jiang Cheng’s poems, in beautiful calligraphy… and with illustrations by Wei Wuxian. He even drew a dog for him.

Wei Wuxian… probably misses him, too.

Maybe they can be better brothers after all this. Maybe Jiang Cheng can be a better brother.

The thought of contacting him is still terrifying. But… it feels like the terror becomes smaller.

So, maybe soon…

[dungeonqueering]

Let's talk about knives!

I have a fairly standard Knife Block, which contains every kind of knife I will reasonably need. I can and do use each one regularly. Later in this post I'll go over what you need as an absolute minimum (You can get by with 2: Big And Small)

I recommend getting a knife block like this. It has almost everything you could possibly need. This one normally retails for $24, but I picked it because it was half off at the time.

I found this one for $20 which is very similar.

Are they going to be nice knives? No. Will they be good enough for everyone except a professional? Yeah, for the most part. I use them for nearly everything.

You can get ceramic knives which are INCREDIBLY sharp. However, you can't sharpen them at home, so they aren't worth it. I was gifted a set, and now that they've started to chip, they're darn near worthless, which is a shame.

I do also have two VERY nice knives, I received as gifts.

This Chef's Knife:

And this Santoku:

Are the nicer ones worth it? Personally, no. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE having them. I'm thinking about getting a whetstone for when it's time to sharpen them (they are used less and hold an edge longer) rather than taking them in to have them sharpened. They are amazing, well balanced, incredibly sharp, and also $30 each. Idk about you, but I am not in the "I spent $30 on a single knife" income bracket.

So! What are your knives used for?

The Chef's Knife is an all-purpose knife. There is a reason it is the go-to knife seen a chef wielding in media. You can use it to cut, chop, or dice nearly ingredient. This is your most important knife. Rapid chopping uses kind of a rocking motion, but if you are reading this post you probably don't need to worry about that. I sure don't. We aren't on Chopped, we can take our time.

Use the very tip of your knives for small and precise work, and the middle all the way down to the grip end for cutting, slicing, chopping, etc.

How do you grip a Chef's Knife? For maximum control, it is recommended you pinch the blade right about here

Such that most of your hand is on the handle proper, but you are in fact pinching down on the blade. If that makes you uncomfortable, I used to do this grip:

Which still gives you a fair degree of control and strength, but not quite as much control. It feels less scary, though.

The Santoku is another general purpose knife. Instead of a rocking motion, it uses more of a chopping motion. I use it mostly when I only need to cut vegetables. Less pointy.

The Bread Knife has it in the name. The reason you want one of these is for bread is because the gentle serration allows you to cut through tougher crust without mushing the soft bread. I use it for Ciabatta pretty often, but unless you cut a lot of bread, you really honestly don't need one of these. Least used knife in my block.

The Utility Knife used to be my most used knife when I was intimidated by the Chef's knife and it felt like a waste to use such a big knife for small things. It is another all-purpose knife, and is my second most used knife. It's excellent for anything fiat-sized and smaller. Because you can't grip the blade, you have less control than a Chef's knife, so I don't recommend it for precision cuts on tough materials, I.e. if you are trying to cut a carrot in half lengthwise.

The Paring Knife seems like a smaller utility knife, and it more or less is. Best used for small delicate cuts on things like garlic cloves, fresh herbs, shallots, etc.

Kitchen shears are mostly used to open packages, let's be real. They can be used to cut through tough bits, like if you have to separate bones from each other. I only use it for packaging though. And tape sometimes. I am not nice to my shears. The opposite of Fabric Scissors.

But what about that weird metal rod, Liz? We'll get to that when we cover--

Maintenance

How do you take care of these things, you may ask. The answer is a little bit variable, but I'll assume you have the cheaper knives.

First things first, if you DO have the nicer knives, do not sharpen them with anything but a whetstone, please I beg you.

You should sharpen your knives whenever you think they are getting dull. Have you ever seen that thing people do where they try to cut a piece of paper with a knife while the paper is not laying on a surface, or just by pulling the paper into the knife? Give her a go. You can learn to tell be looking at the blade up close or by feel, but I have absolutely no idea how to explain that. Consider doing it once a month or once every two weeks or something.

You should Hone the knife every 1-3 times you use it.

So, for sharpening, first thing you're going to want to do is get one of these bad bois:

Hold it like this on the corner of your countertop or a table (I am using the stove because my counters have rounded edges). Place the back/bottom of the blade in the section that reads coarse, and pull it towards you. This is not cutting towards you, but please be careful. Do this 5 times, then do it 5 more times on the side that says Fine. The knife should be parallel to the flat surface, and please please please do not cut yourself.

When you are done, clean the blade because there will be some metal filings on it and you don't want that in your Tikka Masala. You should instantly notice it cuts smoother. Sharper knives are actually safer, because you are less likely to cut yourself. Oh, also, consider reading on what to do if you cut yourself now instead of googling it when it happens like I did. (Tw: blood, cuts, etc)

On to Honing!

You see a lot of flashy honing methods on cooking shows, but here is how you should actually do it at home.

Press the tip of your honing rod (no jokes allowed) against a flat surface. I use my cutting board so that if I fuck it up, I only cut the cutting board. Place the rear of the knife towards the top of the honing rod, and bring it downwards while also pulling back. It was a weird motion to get used to, but there are tons of videos on it if my .gif isn't sufficient.

The angle here is very important. My cheaper knives need a 30° angle, but my nicer ones need a 15°. You will get a sense for it. What this is basically doing is straightening out the tiny warps and abrasions a knife gets from use. (You can double the life of a razor by running it backwards across a towel or jeans, which does the same thing to your 5 razor blades as this honing rod does to the knife).

Washing

Ideally, hand wash your knives the same day you use them. I use a sponge, hot water, and Dawn. Do not put it in the dishwasher. Yes, the serrated ones will fuck up your sponge. It's OK. The dishwasher can ruin your knives.

When you wash them, make sure to keep the sharp edge facing away from your body. I place the spine of the knife on the sponge, and fold the sponge over, so that the actual cutting edge isn't slicing the sponge.

Final Note: Cutting Boards. Don't get glass, that messes up your knives. You want plastic or wood. Plastic has to be replaced more often, but cheaper and can be machine washed. Wood looks nicer, but is more expensive and you can't cut meat on it (Bacteria can get all up in it more so than with plastic. Plus, wood can't be machine washed.

Ideally, you want to get the biggest cutting board your counter tops will fit. I promise that a bigger board is better.

I hope this helps. Go forth and cut well. Be safe, have fun, eat good food, impress your friends and loved ones.

[zi-i-think]

12 | The Universe has Other Plans

Pairing: Zuko x Ama (OC)

Word Count: 6200+

.☽☼☾.

~ Ama ☾ ~

         The bachelorette party came way too quickly. Katara happily agreed to letting Suh join us. Something about how I've made her feel uncomfortable, and that she needs to feel safer with us girls. Oh if only she knew that Suh wasn't here to stay.

         By midday, everyone stood at the village entrance to bid farewell to the groomsmen. The walls of ice were curved around the town and there was a large archway with the Water Tribe symbol carved at the top as the entrance.

         "Have fun, you guys." Katara told all the men, stealing a hug from her fiance.

         "Oh we'll have lots of fun!" Sokka exclaimed with excitement. "Booze, strippers and parting is what I've been waiting for." Suki playfully smacked Sokka's chest.

         Aang tilted and shook his head. "Sokka, that's not what's happening."

         "What!" Sokka gave Aang a disappointed look and then looked over at Zuko. "What kind of bachelor party did you plan?"

         Zuko looked a little uncomfortable with the sudden question. "He planned the kind of bachelor party I asked for." Aang responded for him.

         "Sokka will you act civil for once in your life?" Katara reprimanded her brother with her hand on her hip.

         "The answer is very simple. No." Sokka grinned just to taunt our sister. I chuckled at them while Katara sighed in disappointment.

         "Alright, well I think we should go if we want to make it Milu Island before sundown." Aang interjected the bickering. "Bye, sweetie." He leaned down to give Katara a chaste kiss.

         Suh skipped to Zuko, wrapping her arms around his neck to give him a hug, he in turn wrapped his arms around her waist. He and I shared a quick look. Reminding me that I had to keep a close eye on the suspicious girl.

         After all the short goodbyes, the four men climbed up Appa to go to the small Earth Kingdom island. "There's still gonna be booze though, right?" Sokka wondered as he climbed over the saddle's side.

         "Alright, miss maid of honor," Toph started to ask, drawing the attention to me. "What do you have planned for us?"

         "Well, as per Katara's request. We don't have strippers." I turned to my sister, seeing her shake her head at me.

         "Wow, you and Aang really are meant to be." Toph quipped.

         "What is it with you all and strippers?" Katara wondered loudly. Her expression was genuinely confused and she looked a little concerned. "Don't you all think it's a bit degrading?"

         "Course not." I shook my head and warped an arm around Katara's shoulders. "They're wonderful people. I spent some time with a small group a few years back. A lot of them enjoy what they do and get paid well. I learned a few moves, too. If you want sis, I can teach you for your honeymoon."

         My sister immediately turned red and shoved me off her. "Ama!" The girls and I laughed at her reaction. "Can we just get to the bachelorette party! Please!"

         "As you wish, princess." I teased her. "First stop is the spa." I announced, leading the group of girls through the town and towards the beginning of what would be an insane night.

.☽☼☾.

         After spending a couple hours at the spa, we headed back to the palace. I had some of the maids decorate the living room so that it would look more like an actual party than some boring hang out.

         There was blue and yellow confetti on the tables, where there were some snacks like seal jerky and kale cookies placed on top. The couches and the floors were covered in blankets, because I doubt any of them will make it to the bedrooms. And my favorite touch to the setting. An ice sculpture of shirtless Aang, posing with his air-staff.

         Katara hated it at first, but quickly gave in to her own embarrassment. Blushing a deep red, but still taking the seats closest to it. I didn't find Katara's modest behavior annoying or weird. I knew that Katara just liked to keep some things private and I respect it. I just couldn't help but tease her and push her a little bit out of her comfort zone. I made sure that the sculpture was the only thing that was over the top.

         The girls were chatting for some time and eating the snacks set forth while I grabbed an activity. I made sure to keep an eye on Suh. Currently, she was talking to Suki. And I noticed her glance out the window.

         "All right ladies, we have one game to play before you all black out and I have to keep you all from puking all over the place. Grab a drink and take a seat." I announced, handing Katara a glass of hard wine. I gave the others a moment to get settled in their seat before explaining what was happening.

         "So, this will be more on the bride-to-be than anyone else." I started. "Basically, I asked Aang a series of questions, but Katara doesn't know what he answered. So I'm going to ask the questions and if she answers the same as he did, you all take a sip from your drinks. But if she doesn't, she has to take a sip."

         "Ha!" Katara laughed confidently. "Aang and I know everything about each other. I don't think this game will get me to drink a lot."

         "We shall see dear sister." I cocked one of my eyebrows and unfolded the paper with the list of questions and Aang's responses. "First up. Who's the better kisser."

         "Easy. Me." Katara gave her self-assured answer.

         I shook my head. "Apparently your fiance believes that he's the better kisser."

         Katara scoffed and shook her head as the girls giggled. "That doesn't sound like Aang. Are you sure that's what he answered?"

         "Positive." I nodded. Katara sighed, but still took a sip from her glass. Her face cringed a bit at the strong alcohol.

         "Looks like you two don't know each other as well as you guys thought." Suki teased.

         "Oh please, it was one question." Katara pointed out, still being confident about how she'd answer. "Next question."

         Holding up the paper again, I looked at the next thing on the list. "Who said "I love you" first?"

         Katara smiled lightly, taking a moment to think back. "He did."

         "Correct-a-mundo." I nodded and turned to the girls. "Ladies take a sip."

         "Katara better get most of these right cause I'm trying to get wasted tonight." Toph commented before grabbing her glass.

         "Me too." Mai, surprisingly agreed. She was usually a light drinker, but I guess this was the one exception.

         I chuckled at them and took a quick look at Suh. Noting that she was hesitant to drink and glanced out the window. Perhaps Zuko and I were right. Maybe she was anxious because she was supposed to be meeting the others tonight, but was here instead.

         The night proceeded. I made sure to keep Suh in my line of sight. She avoided me for the entire night, which I was glad about. Instead she was speaking with Ty Lee, who was just a bit more chipper than usual with the alcohol in her system.

         Suki and Toph were both talking with Katara. The bride-to-be was the most out of it compared to everyone else, followed by Suki and Ty Lee. Toph was the furthest from a lightweight, her words slurred a bit but for the most of it, she could hold herself up. Suh had barely drank anything since the end of the drinking game earlier.

         Mai was slouched across the sofa and I sat on the floor beside her. I had to be completely sober to be able to properly manage everything. And Mai, despite being a bit tipsy, could still hold a decent conversation. The alcohol made her more giggly than talkative, which I admit was a bit weird.

         "Ama, are you even listening to me?" She frowned with a whine.

         My head snapped to look up at her. She held her head up with her hand and looked at me with confusion. "I'm sorry, what?"

         "I was talking about how Kei Lo's mom absolutely hates me." She stated and glanced over to where I was just looking. "You've been looking over at Suh a lot tonight. You really are jealous."

         "Am not." I rolled my eyes. Here we go again.

         Mai repositioned herself to lay on her stomach and rest her chin on her hands. "Ama literally one week ago, you and Zuko were cuddling up on the couch. No one asked what happened that night, but-"

         "We told you all, we were reading and just fell asleep." I interrupted to remind her.

         "Okay." She huffed an unbelieving laugh. "You're just lucky Suh wasn't the one who found you guys like that. I don't think I'd be able to handle another one of her screeching rants." Mai rolled her eyes and sipped her wine. "I really don't want to deal with her. As a Zuko’s advisor I’m bound to run into her at least once a week."

         I wanted to tell her that she wouldn't have to worry about that because Suh was a fake. But then again, while Zuko and I were almost positive of it, it was just a conspiracy. "Good luck." I told her instead, getting her to chuckle.

         Loud shrieks caught our attention. I was almost ready to get into a fighting position, but it was just Suki and Katara. Their arms were wrapped over each other's shoulders and their glasses were held high up in the air as they sang loudly.

         "Horror, let's talk about the horror!" They sang incredible out of tune. Toph sat beside them with her hands covering her ears. "I'm the melancholy one! I live my life as if I'm yearning!"

         Mai and I laughed loudly at them. Katara and Suki couldn't even finish the song because their giggling kept getting in the way. Katara set her glass of wine down and doubled over in laughter. Lucking they were sitting on the floor.

         I shook my head at her and grabbed my glass of water to have a sip. Until a large crash interrupted everyone's good spirits. The large living room window was crashed into by two large men completely dressed in black and ski-masks covered their face and hair.

         I jumped up immediately, so did Toph and Mai, ready to fight. Suh scurried away, pulling the drunk Ty Lee with her. Toph stood in front of Suki and Katara protectively. The two girls were trying to get off the ground, but they had way too much wine and their stances were off. I found it ironic that the two girls who made it the most clear that they wanted to be drunk were the two most sober to fight off the intruders.

         The men rolled on the floor and stood up. They used earthbending to pull up chunks of the stone floor up and throwing them at us. Toph, protected herself and the two girls behind her by creating a wall out of the stone floor. Mai and I dodged the chunk thrown at us. Each of us in different directions.

         Mai being the prepared person she was, had her knives with. So while dodging the chunk of stone, she threw the knives at our attacker. It barely grazed his arm, cutting through the black fabric.

         I was jumping in the direction of Katara and Suki. "Get behind the couch!" I ordered them.

         "No, we can help." Katara claimed. But based on her slurred words and her weak waterbending beside her, I knew she was way too intoxicated.

         "Get behind the couch!" I repeated, more violently and authoritatively. I'd be damned if I allowed her to fight in the state she was in. She could barely stand correctly and she wanted to fight?! She'd get hurt.

         With a frown, Katara and Suki scurried behind the couch. I bent the water that Katara just had and held it by my side. I scanned the room for Ty Lee and Suh. But they were nowhere to be seen. They must have already hid somewhere.

         Bending the water, I used it to create a chunk of ice and threw them at Mai's opponent. He had his attention on Mai, throwing stone after stone at her while she gracefully dodged each of them. He didn't see the large ball of ice and it crashed into his side and threw him on the ground.

         Toph slammed her foot into the ground and the stone floor shot up, engulfing her attacker. He was unable to move, thus unable to bend. I took her example and bent my water to engulf Mai and I's attacker completely in ice.

         "Too easy." Toph said cockily.

         "It was way too easy." I grumbled skeptically as I walked to one of the glaring men.

         Toph went over to the other with her arms crossed. "They over estimated themselves, obviously. A bunch of intoxicated girls in one place alone." Her hands rested on her knees while she bent down to one of them. "We just need to know why they did it."

         I sighed, but supposed she was right. At the same time, Toph and I removed their face covering. My breath hitched when I pulled the mask off. I knew this man. He had light brown hair, a wrinkled forehead, despite not being middle aged yet, brown eyes and an unmistakable deep scar that ran across his face.

         I felt like I couldn't move. He just looked up at me with a knowing smirk. He recognised me. He was getting joy from seeing me after he hurt me in the most painful way possible.

         "Ama!" Katara's voice shouted fearfully. My head snapped around. My eyes widened even more when seeing Katara being held by none other than Azula. She stood behind my sister with one arm around her neck and blue fire in her other hand.

         "You know, you should really invest in some better guards." Her venomous voice said while Katara desperately tried to remove Azula's arm. But the firebender only tightened her arm, choking my sister lightly.

         "Let her go, Azula." I demanded with a glare. I wasn't completely sure what the connection was between Azula and the earthbenders that just attacked. I just knew that Azula had my sister in a vulnerable state.

         The woman snickered at me. "You saying that has no effect on what I choose to do."

         "And what if I caved your face in with a boulder." Toph growled, bending a large piece of stone beside her.

         "But you won't." Azula confidently smirked. "Cause I have the Avatar's finance in one hand, and a fire in the other. And it's getting dangerously close to her face." The fire only got closer to Katara's cheek. "What do you say? Should I give her and Zuzu a matching scar?"

         "Stop!" I ordered, but it came out more like a beg.

         Azula looked at me with the most menacing smirk on her red painted lips. "Drop your weapons and stop your bending. And free my friends." She told us. Mai, Toph and I all shared the same questioning look, before dropping our knives, water and stone as well as freeing the two demons. "Thank you. I'm just here to talk." Azula said, moving the fire away from Katara's face, but keeping it ablaze.

         "Is that why you sent two guys to attack us and now have my sister?" I snarled the question.

         "When was I ever one for a less than dramatic entrance?" She pointed out arrogantly. "I'm just a little offended that I wasn't invited to the wedding. After all, if it weren't for my threatening to capture you all, who knows if the bride and groom would even be in love today."

         "Get on with it, Azula." Mai grumbled at her ex-bestfriend.

         Azula sighed and shook her head. "Mai. So impatient. I'm just here to leave a warning. To Ama" I narrowed my eyes and tilted my head. "You remember when you chained me up all those years ago. You interrupted the Agni Kai between Zuko and I. That was cheating."

         "You lost that Agni Kai when you aimed for me. And I couldn't just let you hurt Zuko more than you already did." I clenched my jaw, wondering where she was going with this?

         "This isn't about him. This is about you." She scoffed. "You beat me. Hurt my pride a bit, I'll admit. But no worries, cause I'm here to take it back."

         "You're doing all this cause you got your feelings hurt?!" Toph shouted.

         "Well it's not like I have anything better to do." She laughed. This absolute sociopath. "Look, this doesn't end here. I just need to give Ama a bit of insight about what I'm capable with. Remind her about what she still has to lose." Azula started to move around the couch and moved towards the broken window, dragging Katara with her. The two men also walked closer to the window. "Your little girlfriend was just the beginning."

         Once that was said, Azula threw Katara on the ground and the three of them jumped out the window to escape. I skid over to my sister, holding her in my arms as she wept out of fear. Mai and Top ran to the window. Hoping to maybe take them on now that Katara was safe.

         "They're gone." Toph announced with confusion.

         "They're gone?" Suh's voice came in, peeking her head into the living room from the hallway. "Spirits, that was terrifying."

         I was too concerned with Katara than to stress over Suh. Even though the annoying woman wasn't involved in this little fight, I was somehow even more convinced that she was involved with Azula.

         "I'm going to kill her." I grumbled with my jaw clenched and my arms holding Katara tightly.

.☽☼☾.

         The boys finally got back sometime during the afternoon the next day. After Azula left, the bachelorette party was essentially over. No way was anyone able to get back to that festive and joyous feeling.

         Appa landed in the courtyard and Sokka jumped out first. "Suki, I wrote you a song!" He announced with a grin. But the atmosphere was gloomy and no one smiled with him.

         Katara ran to Aang, engulfing him in a tight hug. "Sweetie, what happened?" He asked her with so much concern.

         "Zu-bear!" Suh ran to Zuko and jumped on him for a hug. "It was so bad. Azula came in and..." She explained everything so rapidly.

         Zuko looked over at me, but I was looking somewhere else completely. My jaw was clenched and I fiddled with my nails. My anger or nerves haven't calmed down at all since last night. I barely got sleep. And I still didn't completely understand what was happening.

         I knew that Azula threatened my sister and basically just told me that she was behind Mulan's death. But also. I looked at the face of Mulan's killer. The man who took her from me. It was all too much too fast. I felt hurt and sad and angry and a thousand other emotions at once.

         I refused to look at anyone and just headed back inside the palace. Tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

.☽☼☾.

         The night sky was filled with bright stars. Being a waterbender, I've always been drawn to the nighttime more than the day. And since a child, I'd stare up at the night sky, keeping an eye out for constellations and finding patterns.

         Mulan and I layed in a clearing together, our shoulders touching as we looked up. Her rough hand was intertwined with mine while my right hand was pointing up, showing her the constellations. "...and if you look there, you can see the twin badgermoles." My hand outlined the stars.

         Mulan didn't say anything for a moment as she tried to find where I was pointing. "I don't see them." She shook her head and her eyes shined in bewilderment.

         "Here." I said, I took my hand that was intertwined with hers and pointed up again. "It takes a moment, but focus more on the brighter stars."

         "I think I see it." Her tone was unsure. I couldn't see her, but I was positive that she had one of her eyebrows cocked upwards and a lopsided grin on her face.

         "You think or you know?" I giggled, letting our arms fall back beside us.

         She giggled along with me and brought her hand up to her face. "I don't know. I think I see it but I also might be psyching myself out." I shook my head and moved to my side to wrap an arm around her waist, keeping my eyes up at the sky.

         "Hey, Ama?" She started with a questioning tone. I hummed a 'what', allowing for her to ask her question. "What do you think about settling down soon?"

         I moved off of her and rested my head in the palm of my hand. "What do you mean?" I wondered. I mean, I was sure she meant what I was thinking, which was stopping from fighting bandits all the time. But I didn't want to just assume.

         Mulan moved into a more seated position to lean on her elbows and look at me. "Well not now, but maybe like next year or something. What if we moved on from this chapter of our lives. We could buy a house. I've always wanted a big one. Somewhere to house all the kids who've been kicked out by their parents."

         I grinned widely at her. She was so pure I loved it. Despite wielding a blade and having a fighting personality, Mulan never killed. She always had hope for people and always looking out for the underdog. Specifically children. I wasn't surprised at her idea to house rejected kids. After all, at 13 her own parents kicked her out for her sexuality.

         She looked down at me, seeing my loving gaze. Her cheeks flushed red and a nervous laugh escaped her lips. "What?" I shrugged, moving to sit next to her. "I think that's a great idea." I told her, looking into her green eyes. "Someplace by a lake or ocean, preferably."

         "And fertile soil." She added, biting her bottom lip in a happy manner. "I want a garden. Or two. One for vegetables and one for flowers." If there was one trait she took from her hateful parents, it was her love for nature and plants. She knew more about them than anyone I'd ever met. Other than Ursa, that is.

         "We can sell our harests for money." I added, already planning a way to earn money.

         "Su Ga Village." She grinned. "It's out west, the beaches are so clear and blue, you'll love it."

         "Sounds like a plan." I laughed excitedly.

         "Really?" A soft exhale left her grinning lips.

         I moved to sit on my knees and got closer to her. My hands cupped her cheeks and smiled contently. "Really." I finalized and leaned down, pressing a chaste and loving kiss on her lips. Mulan's hands cupped my cheeks as well, deepening the kiss.

         She pulled away first, with the happiest smile. "So it's settled. One year from now, we're going to get the house."

         "And we're settling down." I finished. Or so I thought.

         "And I'll finally meeting your friends and family?" She gave me a hopeful shrug and pressed her lips into a thin line.

         I took a moment to think. I loved Mulan so, so much. It was time I got over this fear of not being accepted, and introduced her to the other people that I loved. "Yeah." I nodded. "It's about time they knew about you."

         She squealed excitedly, peppering kisses all over my face as I laughed. "We'll invite them to some sort of housewarming party! You can make your cookies and I'll do the lemonade! Oh, I hope they like me."

         I chuckled at my girlfriend, pulling her face closer to me. "They're going to love you. You know how I know?"

         "How?" She intertwined our hands together, leaning even more until our noses touched.

         "Because I love you." I told her. "And if they don't I'm just going to have to freeze their bodies until they do."

         She shook her head at me. Lightly pushing me back until my back was on the grass floor and she was on top. Our hands were still intertwined. "I love you." She said softly, kissing me passionately. I responded blissfully. Slowly, her lips started to go down my neck and I moved my head back to give her more access.

         But a loud crash interrupted our moment. Mulan jumped off me and I sat up. We exchanged the same concerned look. It sounded like a small scale rock avalanche, which was already concerning as is because we were at a mountain side. But what made it even more terrifying was that it came from the campsite. Where everyone else was.

         The two of us jumped up and sprinted to the campsite. We were both incredibly shocked to find the scene. We were idiots to pick a place by a cliff. The entire side of it had collapsed, burying out entire site in it's gray rock and yellow-brown dirt.

         I sucked in a sharp breath and started to look around for any sign of the rest of the Miraculous Bastards. "Masha!?" Mulan shouted. Getting no response. "Bono!? Taon!?" I ran to the rubble, digging though the rock and dirt.

         They can't be gone. They can't. I'd never have another taste of Masha's meals. Bono would never share his poetry with me. Taon and I wouldn't  go on another adventure. They still had lives to live. Masha and Taon were going to get married!

         I breathed heavily, ignoring the light jabs from the small rocks. Mulan skidded next to me, digging through the rock and dirt with me. She already had tears streaming down her face. They were her family. She knew them since her teen years. They were outcasts together.

         Neither of us saw it coming. A rock about the size of my head was hurdled at us. Luckily, it didn't hit either of us. We jolted our heads up, seeing two men standing at the top of the fallen rock. Both were quite buff. One had light brown hair while the other pitch black hair.

         They had disgusting grimances on their faces while they bent more chunks of earth by their side, throwing them towards us. Mulan and I had to jump away from the rubble to avoid the rock.

         The men jumped down towards us, each landed a few feat away from us. I opened my waterskin, bending the water out and created ice bullets from it. One by one, I shot them at one of the men while Mulan had her katanas out and fought the one with light hair.

         The man I fought with shot columns of earth out at me, but I dodged each of them. My feet stepped lightly from one place to another in a spinning motion as I maneuvered through the moving rock and towards the attacker. Once I got close enough, I created ice claws around my fingers and threw them at the man. They stuck into his bicep and he cried out in pain.

         I sprinted even faster. The man used his good arm to create a wall of earth between us. I almost crashed into it, but stopped just inches away. I grumbled in anger and used a jet of water to push myself off the ground and over the wall. Jumping down the wall, I used the jet of water and forced it onto the man.

         He didn't see it coming and it pushed him back. He fell on the ground and I created an ice sword, pointed it over him. "Where are my friends?!" I demanded to know, refusing to believe that they were dead. The man clenched his jaw, looking at me at me like I already knew.

         A screech caught my attention. Mulan. She was in trouble. I immediately abandoned the man there and ran in the direction of the cry. Using a water jet to push myself over the wall I ran to the scene.

         Mulan was stuck in between the ground and a boulder pressing on her. The earthbender had a satisfied smirk on his face as he saw her struggling against the rock. He saw me running over and in the last moment before I could waterbend at him, he raised the rock a few feet above the air and then let it fall.

         It seemed to be in slow motion. Mulan let out a blood curdling cry while the boulder fell through the air. I made an attempt to save her, sending a forceful push of water, turning into ice at the ends to push the rock away. But it was too late. It crushed her, hitting her chest and gut more than anything else.

         I let out a horrifying shout at the impact while Mulan's voice stopped. In anger, I turned to the man who just crushed her. Light beads of sweat dripped down his face and a pleasurable smile was on his face. I used up all of the water from my waterskin, but there were still the trees.

         I focused on bending the water out of the trees, and the bark and wood broke off, killing the piece of life. I sent ice spears at the man. His smile went away real quick and he jumped back. And I sent more spears while he jumped back more and more until he tripped over a tree root and fell.

         "A-ama..." A weak voice called for me. I immediately stopped my bending, but kept my arms out. This was my chance to get back at him. Bu Mulan needed me more.

         I glanced at the man. "Run." I growled at him. And he did. He scurried up from the floor and ran away.

         I sprinted over the Mulan.The boulder still pressed on her. I bent the water from the ice spears towards me and turned them back into ice under the boulder. I created it like a ramp and the giant rock rolled off of her. I immediately turned the ice back into water and let it float beside me.

         I knelt down to my girlfriend and pulled her weak body onto my lap. "Hold on, okay." I held the tears in. I bent my water over her chest and it glowed over her while I tried to heal her. But even I, a moderate healer, could feel that there was so much damage in her chest. "Hold on."

         "Ama." Her voice was raspy and choked up. I looked from her chest to her face. There were cuts and bruises on her once rosy cheeks. Scarlett blood dripped slowly out of her mouth. Her rough, bloody hand reached for my wrist, removing it from her chest and pulling it instead to her cheek. "It's okay." She assured me with a weak smile.

         "No. No." I shook my head and tears already spilled from my eyes. My thumb lightly wiped across her cheek to make her feel safe with my touch. "We have a plan. We need to get that house. The kids, they need us. And your garden."

         She gave me a tiny smile, her green eyes looked at each of my features as she took me in one last time. "Maybe in my next life." She told me. Her hand that held mine on her cheek got noticeably weaker.  "Ama, I love you."

         I tried to speak. I tried to tell her that I loved her too. But instead I was choked up and a sob escaped my lips instead. Mulan dragged my hand to her lips and placed a soft kiss on my palm. I shook my head. I couldn't let her leave me. We just planned our future. "I love you, too." I finally choked out.

         The redhead smiled that lovely smile, her teeth shining and everything. And then her hand spilled off of mine and her body went limp. I held her in my arms as her soul left her body. "No!" I sobbed. My heart broke right then and there. I hunched over and cradled her into me.

         I shook my head. My tears were making my hair stick to my cheeks. All I could think was that this couldn't be real. The woman I loved couldn't have just died in my arms. But she did.

         I wept for what felt like hours. Finally, I set her body down on the ground. Her eyes were still open. The once bright green eyes were now dull and painful to look at. Another sob forced its way out. My hand covered my mouth as I reached over, closing her eyes.

         This was all his fault. He killed her. Murdered her and then I had to watch the life leave her body. This wasn't fair. Everyone was gone. I was alone. But all I saw was red.

.☽☼☾.

         It was only nights later. I spent my days tracking them. The two men responsible for my pain. My heart was broken and they were about to feel my pain in a different way.

         They were sitting by a fire. Having casual conversation and drinking beer like they hadn't just murdered four people nights before. They were truly monsters. I clenched my jaw and my blood boiled at the sight.

         I jumped out from behind the tree, a curved ice swords in my right hand. They both jumped up at my surprise attack, I kicked the dark haired man back. And my sword swung to the light haired man. I didn't realize how close I was to him, because my sword cut his face. It went from his forehead down to his opposite cheek, being deeper at the cheek. Really, it worked in my favor.

         I breathed heavily in anger. The man touched his cheek, and looked at the blood on his fingers. "You bitch!" He growled and looked at me. His brown eyes glared at me, and I glared back.

         "I'd rather be a bitch than a monster like you." I snarled. He and his friend both levitated chunks of rock to hurdle at me. I frowned and took in deep breaths, knowing that I had the upper hand.

         Not only was it the middle of the night. But it was also a full moon.

         I created two large walls into a triangular shape in front of me to shield me from the rock they threw at me. While being temporarily protected I got into my stance. And when I was ready, feeling the energy of the moon, I let go of the shield and they splashed into the ground.

         I focused on the water into the men's blood. My eyes were closed, hands were out in front of my and my fingers straight. The grunts of pain from the men confirmed that I was indeed bloodbending. I opened my eyes, seeing them hovering over the ground with stiff bodies.

         "You will pay." I said through gritted teeth. My left foot moved to step in front of my right and my hands went down, my fingers curling slightly to suffocate them lightly at first. I could only admit this to myself, but I enjoyed seeing them like this. Terrified expressions and slightly trembling. Completely at my mercy.

         "Please." The dark haired one pleaded. "We can explain."

         I shook my head. "I don't need an explanation. I need revenge." Venom spilled from my lips. They killed Bono. They took away the lives of Masha and Taon. They murdered Mulan.

         I was about to do it. I was about to crush their disgusting bodies and rid the world of these horrid excuses for men. But I couldn't. I thought back to what I said just moments before. That I'd rather be a bitch than a monster. Would I be a monster if I killed them?

         This technique itself was invented by a woman so unethical, that it's now illegal. But even Hama never killed anyone. Just imprisoned the citizens of the FIre Nation. Now I was planning to take someone's life with it.

         They deserve it. My own voice told me. And they probably did. But Mulan wouldn't want me to.

         I didn't realize that I was hyperventilating until I let go of the bloodbending. The stress on their bodies for so long made the men pass out the moment they hit the floor. I fell to my knees, more tears of grief and terror escaping my eyes.

.☽☼☾.

I hope there was enough angst. I haven’t written fanfic for like a year because of school, so I think I’m starting to get the hang of it again, but even before my writing was trash.

Hang loose, amigos 🤙🏼

[headoverjojo]

Can I request the la squadra (separately) about to sleep but their crush comes knocking at their room door asking if they can sleep with them because they're scared to sleep alone? I accidentally watched a horror clips so I'm still pretty shooked and haven't slept yet.

Hello there, sweetheart! I’m sorry you hadn’t slept and I’m sorry for my so late answer! Hope you enjoy these hcs!

La Squadra react to their crush knocking to their room door asking if they can sleep with them because they’re scared to sleep alone

(Under the cut for lenght!)

Risotto Nero

When his s/o comes to knock at his door, Risotto is still awaken, deep in work or just spacing out, trying to win his insomnia. He already heard their soft steps, immediately alert, and goes to open the door after few seconds, recognizing their voice.

He’s a bit concerned, even if he doesn’t show it. Do they not feel good? Is an enemy near? He’s taken aback when they quietly explain the reason why they’re here. A nightmare? It must have been a really terrible nightmare to scare them so much… he lets them in, even if his heart is racing. He must stay professional, he says to himself, he must stay professional…

He lets them do what they want, so he doesn’t push them away when they nestle near his sitting form on his bed. He quietly talks with them, listening to their venting, if they need it, and, to relax them a little, he calls out some Metallica beans, letting them play with the cute little ones. He observes them play with Metallica with soft, warm eyes, and even dares to softly pet their hair, smiling a little when they hum and close their eyes. He’d go on until they fall asleep and then he’d gently cover them with the blanket, watching over them for all the night, as he’s their guardian angel.

Prosciutto

Prosciutto’s sleeping with a book on his face when they knock at his door. He wakes up with a jolt, disoriented, blinking and grumbling when the book painfully falls on his lap. He gets up, still groggy and grumbling, thinking it was Pesci -he suffers of nightmares too- but, when he almost blindly opens the door and see them his heart almost breaks his ribcage. He’s at a loss of words, while his crush watches him with big eyes still red from tears.

Hearing their shaky voice, he fully snaps back and let them in, still shocked, He’s a mess! He surely just made a fool of himself in front of his crush… he asks them what’s happening and, when they say they had, as he already suspected, a nightmare, he just sighs and invites them to sit on his bed and, if they want to, to talk about their nightmare, to vent out. He has experience in that, he knows what he’s doing.

He lets them lay their head on his lap, while he gently caresses their hair and massages their scalp. He’s worried for them, for their nightmare… but now they sleep so peacefully, like angels, safe from everything bad. He has to protect their sleep, so he stays up ‘till morning, softly petting their hair. He’s more like a zombie, the day after, but knowing that he helped his crush makes him feel all fuzzy and he feels less the tiredness.

Pesci

Pesci’s sleeping for hours, when his crush knocks at his door, crying. He immediately wakes up, frightened, thinking it’s Prosciutto up to calling him for an urgent mission or maybe to wake him up since he slept too much… when he opens the door, however, he’s shocked to see them, their eyes full of tears. He doesn’t even have the time to register what’s happening that they hug him, crying quietly on his shoulder.

He let them inside, making them sit on his bed. He busies around them, asking them if they want some water or maybe a blanket? What about a glass of warm milk? When they nod at the milk one, he immediately goes to the kitchen, warming up some milk both for them and himself, adding honey in it. When he’s back, they curl up near him, relishing in his and the milk’s warmth, feeling safer and safer. He awkwardly envelopes their shoulders in a half hug, silently sighing in relief when they snuggle nearer him. He just hopes that they don’t hear his racing heart…

When they finish their milk, they talk a bit. His crush finds relief in just staying with him, they feel safe and his voice is gentle and caring: he knows how it feels to deal with a terrible nightmare, so he wants to help as best as he can. In the end, they fall asleep on each other, one of his arms wrapped around their shoulders and their head on his shoulder, still sitting on his bed, their back leaning on the bed backboard.

Formaggio

He’s loudly snoring, when they come to him. They need to knock louder than his snores to finally manage to wake him up; Formaggio groggily get up, mumbling a “Coming, ‘coming, dammit.”, thinking it’s Risotto to drag him out for a mission. He frozen when he sees you, crying and trembling, and he immediately regrets the decision to go to open the door without even putting on a shirt.

Seeing them crying, however, he hesitantly invites them inside, at least to make them sit. He watches them plopping on his bed and curling in a ball, still trembling a little. He sighs, discreetly putting on a shirt and then crawling near them, pushing some strands of hair off their face, and asks them about their dream. If they don’t like to talk about it, he tries to make them laugh with a couple of jokes, smiling when he finally makes them smile. He loves so much his crush’s smile!

He lay near them, holding their hands, as they shily asked him, and they fall asleep like that, holding hands, basking in the other’s warmth. When they wake up, they find themselves squished in Formaggio’s arms who, in his sleep, hugged them tightly, almost as they were a plushie. They just huff a laugh and rest more comfortably in his hold, feeling warm and safe.

Melone

Melone has a fucked up sleeping schedule, so he could be awake and at his third cup of coffee in a hour or dead to the world. He’s anyway up in a second, vigilant and wary. He doesn’t like when someone knocks at his door, disturbing either his work or his beauty sleep. He doesn’t complain if it’s Risotto, since he respect the hell out his Capo, but if it’s someone else he’s gonna be vengeful. When he sees, however, that it’s his crush at the door, his maliciousness fades, as he immediately envelopes them in his arms. Their eyes are red and puffy, they has cried!!

He gently makes them sit on his lap, on the bed, and rubs their shoulders, inviting them to tell him what happened. He listens intently to their nightmare, trying to find words of comfort and support, always keeping them safe and warm in his arms. He does his best to make them forget about the bad dream, talking with them about various topics, even managing to make them smile a little.

He cuddles them until they fall asleep in his arms. He doesn’t let them go even now, rocking them back and forth, slowly, softly petting their hair. He’s so glad that they are asleep, since, now that the awareness of having his crush in his arms crawled in him, he’s a blushing mess. He can’t help but watching them sleeping, their face cutely squished against his shoulder, finally serene. He feels… happy. He actually helped them for real. It’s a big deal!

Illuso

Illuso is a bit paranoid, especially when he’s in a vulnerable state such as sleep. His crush, who’s also his friend, knows it, so, instead of uselessly knocking at his room’s door, they straightly enter in and go to knock at the mirror placed in a corner of the room. After few seconds, Illuso’s reflex emerges from the mirror’s bed, groggy and half asleep, his hair down and his face adorably crunched in a sleepy grimace.

He yawned, giving them the permission to enter the mirror world, and he let them hug him, gently patting their hair, forcing himself not to blush or act different just because they’re his crush. He has to be a good friend, now. So, he allows them to stay with him in the mirror world, keeping them company. If they want to cuddle, he’ll accomplish, if they’re fine just lying down near him, he’d be fine too. He adapt to their desires, trying to be supportive as much as he can.

When they are finally calmer, the two falls asleep, tired to the bones. During the night they shifted closer and, in the morning, they wake up in each other’s arms, groggily hugging and mumbling about how much they’re tired. Even if Illuso complains a bit, his heart is beating at maximum speed: he’s hugging them! He slept hugged to them!! He’s so happy he could die, but, of course, nothing is revealed on his poker face. They don’t have to know, at least not now!

Ghiaccio

Ghiaccio has always a lot of troubles to fall asleep, so, when the knocking wakes him up, he’s so, so pissed. He finally managed to fall asleep and now he has to restart everything! He gets up, shoving his glasses on and, with his curlers still on, he stomps to the door to give a piece of mind -and White Album too- to anyone who dared to knock at his door -except for Risotto. Capo is untouchable-, but, when he sees that his crush is here, broken and barely restraining their sobs, his voice dies in his throat.

He lets you enter in, hesitant and awkward. He sincerely doesn’t know what to do, he’s not good at comforting people! Prosciutto is the one who encourages people, surely Melone or him would be better than him to console them… but, when they just ask him if they can sleep near him, admitting that his presence makes them feel safe, he gives in, allowing them to do so. Just for them, he says to himself, just ‘cause he cares for them.

So, they lie down close together, their hands barely grazing. It’s his crush the one who holds first his hand, making him almost jolt. He let them do, gently squeezing back, and stay awake all night, his eyes widen, feeling a sweet warm rising from their joined hands. In the morning he’s a sleepy groggy mess, even if with perfect curls, but doesn’t complain and, when the others ask him why the hell he reduces himself like this, he gruffly says that he couldn’t sleep, without saying that they had a nightmare, exchanging with them a knowing look. He doesn’t want them to be victim of infinite teasing!

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Winter soldier Tony and Bucky fluff (I love those prompts sorry). Steve or the team find Tony and Bucky's dynamic to be strange but mostly because Tony and Bucky had spent most of their lives being dehumanized so their interactions are nonverbal, as they began to heal though they began to experience new things together. (Actually being able to reach out and touch one another without their handlers getting mad since touching outside of maintenance is a big no-no so they're both touch-starved). 1/

(Sorry my prompt is long) So seeing as they're getting used to actually being human the team ends up surprised when they see Bucky and Tony suddenly cuddling - at first they hadn't realized it was a thing seeing as Bucky and Tony hid the fact they would actually hold hands or hug, their punishments were severe and being with decent human beings doesn't mean they aren't wary still. But, they begin to trust the team thus now they get to witness the fluff themselves. It makes Steve happy.

“Mechanic!”It echoed through the lab, even as the door slammed open. TheMechanic set down his tools and stood at attention, awaiting hisorders.

Threefield agents were carrying the Asset. The Mechanic suppressed anexpression of dismay. He had known that the Asset was going intobattle with the SHIELD team known as the Avengers. He had known thatthe Asset might be damaged. He hadn’t expected to see the Assetthisdamaged.The goggles with their high-tech precision targeting system weregone, as was the facemask with its specialized filtering. The arm wasdented and still sparking from some internal short. There was bloodon the Asset’s side and leg. A very lot of blood.

“Youwill repair the arm,” the handler told him. “A medic will comesoon to examine the rest of him. Stay out of the medic’s way.”

Andif repairing the arm required being in the medic’s way? TheMechanic already knew the answer to that: find a way. The Mechanicnodded his understanding. He was not required to speak.

Theagents laid the Asset in the maintenance chair. The Asset’s lipspressed tightly together, his skin covered in a sheen of sweat, andhis eyes were wide and wild and confused until he saw the Mechanic,and then he relaxed minutely.

TheMechanic picked up the Asset’s metal hand and squeezedreassuringly.

“Whatare you doing?” the handler snapped.

TheMechanic did not flinch, though providing comfort to the Asset -- ortaking comfort from the Asset -- meant punishment. Sometimes, theymade the Asset administer it, though probably that would not happenthis time, since the Asset was in such poor condition. The Asset’seyes remained locked on the Mechanic. “Testing grip strength,”the Mechanic answered evenly. “Inadequate grip strength isindicative of faults in the primary cluster servos, the secondarypower supply, a loss of pressure in hydraulic--”

“Shutup and just fix him,” the handler growled. “God damned Avengers.”

TheMechanic squeezed the Asset’s hand again, and bent to work. If theAsset was damaged enough, they might leave him in the Mechanic’slab overnight.

TheMechanic did not look at the calendar. The Asset had been gone fornine days. The Mechanic had gone longer without seeing the Assetbefore. Months, sometimes years. But that was when the Asset was instorage. This time, the Asset had been taken. Kidnapped by theAvengers.

TheMechanic did his work. He did not ask whether the Asset had beenbadly damaged in the fight. He did not ask whether there wereretrieval operations in place. These things were none of his concern.He was not worried.

Whenhe felt -- and then heard -- the explosion from the front of thefacility, he was not afraid. His guards left to go investigate thecommotion, and the Mechanic did not hope.

Whenthe Avengers burst into his laboratory, weapons raised, the Mechanicsnatched up the energy weapon he had been upgrading and pointed it attheir leader, at Captain America.

[’ware the readmore!]

“No,”said a voice the Mechanic knew. The Mechanic looked through theweapon’s sights and saw the Asset, standing with the Avengers, asif he were one of them. “Mechanic,” he said. His eyes spoke forhim. He did not want the Mechanic to hurt the Avengers.

Slowly,in confusion, the Mechanic lowered the weapon, unable to look away.

“Bozhemoy,” the Black Widow breathed. “It’s Tony Stark.”

“You’renot a prisoner,” Captain America told him. “But with the remnantsof Hydra out looking for you, it would be safer for you to stayindoors.” The Avengers had brought them to a safehouse. It was alarge house, but still crowded with so many people in it.

TheMechanic -- Tony, as the Avengers insisted -- looked at the Asset.(Bucky, now.) Bucky frowned and bit his lip, the shook his head, justa little. He didn’t want Hydra to find them. The Avengers, atleast, hadn’t tried to separate them, or put Bucky into storage.

Therewere no cells in the house, unless they converted the hidden weaponsroom. Tony and Bucky were to share a room. Even if there werecameras, it was a kindness. A weakness, perhaps, except that Buckyseemed ready to ally himself with the Avengers. Tony looked back atCaptain America. “Understood. What are my tasks?” Bucky waswatching intently.

“What?Nothing, you don’t have to do anything,” Captain America said. Heseemed taken aback.

Tonykept his face impassive. No work meant no food; that had always beenthe rule. “Understood,” he repeated. He would work out what hiserror had been, soon, and then they would allow him to work.

Whenhe was certain the Captain was done with him, he retreated to thecorner of the room, crouching against the wall. Bucky moved to standbetween him and the Captain.

TheCaptain looked like he wanted to say something, but then he shook hishead and left.

Buckycrouched next to Tony against the wall, close enough that Tony couldfeel the heat coming off him. Tony looked surreptitiously around theroom for cameras. He didn’t see any, but there might still behidden ones. “Orders?” he asked, careful not to let his lipsmove.

Buckyshook his head. “I knew him,” he said.

Theyfed him, even when he didn’t work.

Tonythought it was a trick, at first, but Bucky herded Tony into a seatat the table and watched him as he wolfed down the portion they’dbrought. None of the Avengers tried to take it away, though severalof them exchanged looks that Tony didn’t know how to read.

Hawkeyewatched them with an unnervingly steady gaze. The Black Widow stoppedhim with a hand on his arm and a low whisper in his ear. Tonycouldn’t look away from where she was touching Hawkeye, so gentlyand obviously. Surely, any moment, the Captain would notice.

TheCaptain didn’t notice, or he didn’t care. That was...interesting.

WhenBucky had finished eating -- and it seemed the Avengers understoodabout Bucky’s increased metabolic requirements, which was good --he followed Tony back to the room they had been assigned. Slowly,hoping none of the Avengers were looking, Tony reached out and put ahand over Bucky’s human arm, just as the Black Widow had touchedHawkeye.

Buckyfroze at the touch, staring at Tony with wide eyes. Tony glancedtoward the door of the room, then back to Bucky. He squeezed alittle. It’sokay.

Whenthe Black Widow approached, some days later, she stopped just outsideBucky’s reach, showed her hands, and said, “I won’t touch him,I promise,” before turning her attention to Tony.

Soshe knew that Bucky was protecting Tony. Probably, from the way shelooked at them, she knew that it was more than a relationship ofconvenience. But she didn’t threaten to hurt them, or report themto the Captain, or try to use them against each other. Instead, shetold Tony, “I know it’s hard to sit and do nothing for so long. Iwant to make it absolutely clear that you’re under no obligation,and no consequence is attached if you refuse my offer.”

Tonyconsidered that, as Bucky shifted his weight. “What offer?” Tonyasked.

“Wehave equipment that needs to be repaired,” she said. “Clint and Ican do it, but if you’d like to help, we’d certainly appreciateyour expertise.”

Tony’shands itched for work, even without the threat of withholding hisfood. “Yes.” He stood up, ready to follow her to the laboratoryor wherever they were doing their repairs in this safehouse.

Buckystood as well. The Black Widow eyed him for a moment, then nodded, asif she understood. Maybe she did.

Itwas a relief to hold tools, to be useful, even if it was for theAvengers. It was a revelationtowatch the Black Widow and Hawkeye working together.

Theytalked often, and not just about the work. They speculated idly aboutpeople they knew. Argued pointlessly about movies. Told jokes andrated them on some impossible-to-quantify scale of badness.

Andthey touched.They touched constantly.A hand on an arm or shoulder or knee. When they sat together, theytouched from shoulder to knee. A kiss on the cheek or the top of thehead. The Black Widow leaned into Hawkeye’s side, rested her headon his shoulder.

Tonyglanced at Bucky as he worked. What would that be like, to touch sointimately on a whim?

TheCaptain came in, and Tony tensed, inwardly bracing for the inevitableanger. But there was none. The Black Widow didn’t even straightenfrom her position against Hawkeye’s side. The Captain touched, too,before he left -- a hand on Hawkeye’s shoulder, a light touch ofthe Black Widow’s arm. He reached like he wanted to touch Bucky,but Bucky went still, and the Captain pulled back.

Hawkeyeleft not long after that -- there was only so much maintenance a bowand quiver needed. But Tony was still working, repairing damage tosomeone’s armor, when the Black Widow got up to leave. “This is asafehouse,” she said before she left the room. “The cameras allpoint outward.” She left, then, and they were alone in the room.

“Mechanic,”Bucky said in a whisper.

“It’sTony now,” Tony reminded him.

“Ithought you didn’t want the name they gave you.” Bucky was closeat Tony’s back, so close Tony could feel the warmth radiating offhim.

Tonypaused in his work, but didn’t look around. “If they will give usthis,” he said slowly, “they can call me whatever they like.”

Bucky’shands were on his shoulders, then, and Tony’s breath stuttered outof him. Bucky leaned forward until his weight was propped againstTony’s back, and his arms came around Tony’s chest. “Tony,”Bucky breathed.

Tony’shands trembled, and he put his tools down quickly. He pushed backagainst Bucky’s bulk, let his arms reach up to wrap around Bucky’sneck. “Bucky.”

Bucky’sbreath skated down Tony’s neck and they were both shaking. Tonyfelt the rise and fall of Bucky’s chest against his back, and itwas enough, for a time. More than he had ever dared to hope for.

“Ilike it here,” Bucky admitted. “I want to stay with them.”

Bythe time he’d been with the Avengers for a week, Tony had learnedthat they preferred their names to their designations, outside ofcombat. Steve and Natasha and Clint and Bruce and Sam.

Bythen, Tony had learned that the team were friends as much asteammates. By then, Tony had learned that Bucky was consideredSteve’s friend, even if Bucky could barely remember Steve.

(“Ido remember him,” Bucky told Tony one night, breathing it intoTony’s skin, in the dark of their room. “It’s all jumbled up,but it makes me want to protect him.”

“Likeyou protect me?” Tony wondered.

Buckyshook his head. “You’re different. You’re special. You’remine.”

“Butyou want to protect him, too.”

“I’vedone it before. I think.”

“I’llfollow you wherever you go,” Tony promised. “Even into theAvengers.” Tony could remember nothing before Hydra. But the nextday, he made some changes to the Black Wi-- to Natasha’s electricdisk weapons, a minor upgrade he’d been thinking about since hefirst saw them. She rewarded that with a warm smile and a carefultouch on his arm. He was considering upgrades for all of them, now.)

Thatnight, after dinner, Tony stood up to help clear the table --everyone took turns, even Steve -- and as he passed by Bucky, Buckybrushed a hand across Tony’s back, solicitous. Tony turned to lookat him, eyes wide, but Bucky just nodded slightly.

Tonyswallowed hard -- just because the Avengers touched each other didn’tmean he and Bucky were permitted -- but no one said anything. Natashasmiled a little, Clint met Tony’s eyes but then looked away.

Theywere allowed.

“Youcould come watch TV with us,” Steve said, leaning into the doorwayof the workroom. “You don’t have to work all the time.”

Tonyglanced up from Sam’s wings. “The upgrade isn’t complete,” hesaid.

“Itwill wait for morning,” Steve said. “You work too hard. Youshould get to relax.”

Tonyhesitated, hands sliding over the joints of the Falcon wings. Helooked at Bucky. Bucky looked back, impassive. Tony’s choice.

“Yes,”Tony said. “We will come.”

Stevelooked pleased. Bucky smiled, too. Tony felt the warmth of a correctchoice.

TheAvengers greeted them as if they were friends, happy to have themthere. They were given a seat on a small, two-person couch. Tonysensed that was Natasha’s doing; she seemed to understand more thanthe others.

Whenthey sat on the couch, Bucky put his arm around Tony’s shoulders,drawing him close. Tony stiffened a little, out of habit, and thenrelaxed into it.

TheTV show made no sense, and its science was execrable. When Tony wasfinally unable to hold his peace and complained, Bruce looked aroundat him with a wide grin. “Thank you! I’ve been telling these guysthis for months!”

Samthrew popcorn at Bruce. “It’s TV, the science doesn’t have tomake sense! Just go with it, man!”

Bruceheld out a hand in demonstration and looked at Tony with raisedeyebrows. Tony couldn’t quite suppress a soft laugh, or a happywriggle. He had won Bruce’s regard.

Buckysqueezed him a little closer, and that felt like a reward. “That’smy Mechanic,” he murmured, low, for Tony’s ears only.

Theywatched another TV show. It, too, made no sense, but at least itbroke no laws of physics. By the time it was done, Tony was lyinghalf-draped across Bucky’s chest. It was allowed. No one seemed tobe upset by it. Steve, in fact, was watching them with a small smile,as if he were pleased.

“I’vebeen remembering more,” Bucky told him as they were changing forbed.

“Tellme,” Tony said. He sat on the side of his bed.

“Stevewas... He was always good,” Bucky said. “Not always smart.But good.He wanted to help people.”

“Evenif they didn’t deserve it?”

Buckysat next to Tony, took his hand and laced their fingers together.“Steve thought everyone deserved help,” Bucky said. “Exceptmaybe bullies. The kind of people who hurt others just to get theirway, or just to be mean.”

Tonymulled that for a while, half-distracted by the slow stroke ofBucky’s thumb against his. “Hydra hurt us,” he said, finally.“Were they bullies?”

“Yeah,”Bucky said. “They made me hurt you, even though I didn’t wantto.”

The Avengers hadn’t hurt them, but theyhurt Hydra, when it was possible. Historyis written by the winners.Whohad said that? Maybe the Avengers were just stronger bullies. “Are the Avengers better?”

“Thinkso.” Bucky lifted Tony’s hand and pressed a soft kiss to hisknuckles. “Wish you could remember, too.”

Natashahad shown Tony a set of photographs, people Tony had known beforehe’d been with Hydra, she’d said. Most of them had beenunfamiliar. One or two made his head hurt to look at, but didn’tfill him with the spark of recognition. He shook his head. “I’mnot like you,” he said. “I might not get it back, what they took from me.”

“That’sokay,” Bucky said. “You’re mine, and I’m yours. No matterwhat.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”Bucky let go of Tony’s hand and brushed his fingers down the sideof Tony’s face. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes.”The word hadn’t fully left his lips before Bucky’s hand was underhis chin, turning him toward Bucky.

Bucky’seyes were wide and dark in the dim light, calm and slightly crinkledat the corners with a smile. “My Mechanic,” he said fondly, andpressed his lips to Tony��s.

Tony’sbody seemed to move without his direction. He twisted closer toBucky, one hand pushing into Bucky’s thick hair, the other curlingaround Bucky’s neck. His mouth fell open and Bucky licked into it,tentatively at first and then with more certainty, more passion.

Bucky’sarm was around his waist, holding him close, as Bucky explored hismouth, slow and thorough.

WhenBucky pulled away at last, Tony’s eyes fluttered open -- when hadhe closed them? -- and Bucky was already watching him. “What isit?” Bucky asked.

“Ithink... I remember kissing someone,” Tony said slowly. He proddedat the memory. He didn’t know who it was, barely rememberedanything but the feel of lips under his, the warm press of a bodythat definitely wasn’t Bucky’s. “Before.”

“Sothey didn’t take everything,” Bucky said. He kissed Tony again,short and sweet. “Maybe you’ll get more of it back.”

“Maybe,”Tony allowed. Biology wasn’t his science, but he knew enough toknow that brains were strangely resilient, sometimes. “I’m stillyour Mechanic.”

“Always,”Bucky promised.

~ @27dragons

[balmerancrystalance]

Hi, sorry to bother, but I really need to vent. This might be a few parts. Sorry. I live in a very religious and don't get me wrong, I love my religion. However, the thought of coming out as a trans terrifies me. I've hidden it for so long. I'm even shaking, while I write this. It's not the thought of them disowning me or anything. We're a Latina family, so they're not scared to land a few hits too many. Still have scars, lol. I came out at school, cause, believe it or not, it was my safe space

Even though teachers thought it was a phase and would call me female pronouns instead of male (same with other religious students), everything was fine (except for the beatings but that’s another story XD). Gosh, I’m shaking while writing this. My mother got a call, from another mom, saying that I was messing and destroying her child’s beliefs. They TOLD my MOM everything. Of course, I was able to deny it and say that it was because I sat with the boys and she bought it.

However, she won’t let me hang out with my guy friends and is being more controlling then usual.I’m at a risk, writing this. She won’t let me have my own opinions, my own clothes, nothing! If she find out, I’ll have the worst beating of my life. I’m scared.

eeeeeep, i haven’t done this in a very long time but i’ll try my best, first things first, i wanted to thank you, yes you friend, for trusting me with your beautiful self to bless my inbox on this lovely pride month eve ❤

now, please know, and this goes to everyone reading this, that you’ll never be a bother to me, specially if you need someone to talk to, and that my asks won’t be open just for this month but always, just please bare with me if i take a little time answering them.

i come from both a latina and a, not that much, religious family, but i get what you mean and i’m so sorry to hear that. i’ve never been landed a single hand on but knowing someone else could or already has, or/and worse, for the single fact of wanting nothing but being their true selves makes me incredibly sad and shows, as a community, we still have so many struggles to deal with on a daily basis. sadly, a small minded/not understanding family being one of them.

i’m very proud of you for coming out to your friends. i do know what it feels like to sometimes find that safe place other place rather than at home where its supposed to be. quick side note, don’t expect much from teachers. yes, i’m aware there’s always at least one who doesn’t suck as much as the rest but don’t pay them that much attention, same thing with the people who calls you by a name/pronoun you don’t feel comfortable/identified with, either they do it on purpose or not, they’re not worth your time.

as i mentioned before, i come from a latina family too so, yes, i know things spread like wildfire, specially between moms. still, that was a dick move. i want you to listen, well, read in this case, to me carefully: you’re a loved, important and last but not least valid human being, you or who you identify yourself as is not going to change, let alone destroy, anyone else’s lives or beliefs.

why who you want to be should be anyone else’s business when they are allowed to be their own person without the eminent fear of someone ratting them out?

i’m in no place to go all parenting 101 but i know that’s just not right. sadly, you’re safer like this than you’ll be out, and you have no idea how much it hurts my heart to actually have to say that.

i hope one day you find a family, doesn’t have to be necessary by blood because sometimes we’re not lucky to afford those, a family where everyone around you knows and shares your stuggles and accepts them without giving it a second thought, a family where you don’t feel the need to hide who you truly are because you are terrified of what people what might think or say, a family where you feel like you finally belong. a family you can call home.

i’m so sorry there isn’t much you can do for now other than remain on your feet, but trust me, it’ll pay off and it’ll only make you wiser and stronger on the long run, and stay true to yourself in your own little world for now, but hey anyone else feel free to share some advice if you’d like, remember we’re all in this together.

please, be safe, remember i love you and you’re more than welcome to talk to me whenever you feel like and last but not least, happy pride month, friend, let’s make this one count! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

[jchoneandonly]

Alright, let's give this person an actual reason to tell me to kill myself since they didn't mention anything. (revealing the infinite big brain this person has already)

I have yet to see publicly managed anything work very well. The post office is a shitty mail delivery service, public parks are often dirty and poorly kept. Even national parks are not particularly well kept. This is because the government has absolutely zero motivation to provide good services to you because they can just hold you at gunpoint and take the money they want and they can also just print money (which causes inflation and kills the purchasing power of your money in the bank as well) this is something that has gone rampant in any socialist countries that have existed. Venezuela is doing it, Russia is doing it, nazi Germany did it (in fact people made the German money into a multi tool like toilet paper and wallpaper because it was worth less than those things)

Oh wait but that wasn't real socialism was it? Lol

Yes. It was. Back to the point. The government has no incentive to give you a good product while a private company does. The for profit model is all around better for the parks and from what you've said they're still free to use.

Also, you have no citations backing up the speculation you've made so far. Sources or I'm just gonna dismiss it without evidence. It would be irrational to limit time or photography for a park. Except they do that kind of shit in mount Rushmore which is a public place... Funny that.

I don't see any problem with keeping homeless people off the street and promoting them to find a shelter or alternatively to figure out how to fix their predicament. Although the spikes may be a little much, I understand also that they're trying to keep people safer and prevent too much trouble with homeless people trying to sleep in places where it's not a good idea. This can protect both the people who might be vulnerable to any diseases said homeless persons might be carrying as well as protecting the homeless people from idiots who believe they have the right to harm them for no reason. I think that it would also help if 1, we made welfare into a temporary hand to help people up instead of a career choice that forces you to stay in it and 2, if we stopped letting in illegal immigrants who take jobs these people would benefit from. Is the approach you show kinda harsh? Yes. It is. But if we didn't let socialist idiots like yourself run things we would have less need for these design choices in the first place. Nobody cares about the "type" of person using the areas, they care about how it's being used. It keeps me from sleeping there just as much as anyone else.

Ah. That cute little cartoon of yours is pretty funny actually. It undermines your point because that she'd for most intents and purposes is better than the tree. That said, that cartoon is also wrong about how capitalism works. 1, the guy would have cut down one of his own tree to make that shed. The guy wouldn't just cut down someone's tree and build them a shed unless they specifically asked.

Capitalism has raised more people out of poverty than any other system out there. You can go from homeless to a ceo in a proper capitalist economy because your past and your class are irrelevant to your ability to do the job. Also, in a capitalist system there is no "controlling class" because literally everyone controls at least some capital be it their labor or artistic talent.

Honestly, freedom is more important than equality (yes I know the socialist endgame is a form of freedom, but it's a lot like solar power, it can do great things as long as the ideal is not centralized to a government or power and all participation is voluntary) and capitalism is the best way to attain both. I understand you think I'm just some evil guy in an office or something. I'm not evil and I wish I had an office with a mahogany desk but I'm not. I'm just another guy. I just understand that the government only wants power, and the communist goal you have will only make a gigantic power hungry government with unlimited fuel for expansion. Communism and socialism have never been successful and probably never will. Capitalism has worked wonders and is only hampered by government interference (see the United States for an example).

If you want to see homelessness fixed, giving them free stuff will not give them anything but a temporary hit that will leave them dependent on your kindness. It's the metaphor "give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish, and he will never be hungry again" in action.

Public Space Privatization and Hostile Architecture

For the past few years there has been a troubling trend in how urban designers decide to deal with public spaces, in this post I want to go over what these things are and what they mean.

The first thing I want to go over that’s been becoming more common is the concept of “Privately Owned Public Spaces.” These space are what we would recognize as being public, such as plazas, parks, or sidewalks but have been sold through privatization measures to companies and businesses. This is done so that places that should be for public use can to transformed in a way for the owner to profit, or to create a space that is specific to what they want. Thus this is forcing what they want onto others by removing the universal use of public spaces. For example, in places with cafes or restaurants these businesses could buy the public area and remove the seating around them, only allowing paying customers to use the seating in their businesses. In this way companies can transform public spaces into ones that poses no threat to them, and by extension make that public space less useful to people. In another example these “public” spaces can have strict rules, such as no photography, not being allowed to stay for a certain amount of time, and not being able to use the space in a way that does not financially benefit the owner. Since this is a privatized and commercialized mindset anything that isn’t making money is deemed an unnecessary expense, and thus not allowed.

In public spaces that are still being made to be used by the public though, a new idea of what these spaces should be has taken root. This idea is that these spaces should be made for a very specific purpose and otherwise hostile to the user. An example of this is a recent trend to make “benches” that vaguely fulfil the idea that a resting spot should be available, while at the same time strictly enforce the idea that this is a temporary place and you aren’t supposed to stay. This can be seen in objects such as “leaning benches” that just give people a place to lean instead of actually sit, or specifically designing beaches to be uncomfortable by adding spacers or narrow “arm rests” that are too short to be used. All these are methods to make public spaces less a place of gathering and meeting and instead a transitional place that actively discourages long term use.

This all ties into the concept that goes by many different names, but can be summarized in the idea of “Hostile Architecture.” This is a design philosophy that seeks to make the design of public spaces hostile to its users, or more specifically to discourage usage that is not approved of by the owner. In this way I think Hostile Architecture goes against the very idea of a public space, IE a space that the public can use in a way they see fit. This idea is embodied in the creation of, and response by, the creators of, the Camden bench. This bench was specifically designed in a way that it was only supposed to be used a certain way, and the creators even try to defend it by saying that “[Because] there is no ‘correct’ way to sit on it… it becomes a far more inclusive seat encouraging social interaction.” This notion that they are somehow being creative and helping people by making an uncomfortable bench that isn’t as good as a normal bench by any measure of the imagination, is a perfect example of how this was specifically created as a hostile object. The creators are trying to redefine something that is explicitly negative as something that is somehow a positive because of the connotations of making something explicitly negative means.

But, one of their other responses is an even better look into how this mentality works, “Homelessness should never be tolerated in any society and if we start designing in to accommodate homeless then we have totally failed as a society.“ This brings up one the major points I have about Hostile Architecture, and that is its function to hide problems in society. By creating hostile public spaces it doesn’t fix crime, drug use, violence, and homelessness like the creators of this stuff would have you believe. Instead all this does is make it so problems are less visible on the surface because it’s not as convenient to do them in public anymore. People don’t just stop being homeless because you design benches they can’t sleep on, or put down spikes so they can’t stay somewhere that’s safe. These are problems with society that can not be fixed by commercializing public spaces at the whims of a profit seeking owner, or by making them unusable by anyone but the “right” kind of person.

All of this ties back to one central source. Privatization only helps the wealthy that own the land and helps them to create a situation where they get more money. And ignoring these social problems only creates a situation where taxes to fund social help can be cut because the public perception can be that it’s not really a problem. All of this only benefits one group of people, and that is the upper class that control almost all of the money. By removing things people can use for free they are creating a system where they can be relied on more and more, and people are required to pay for what used to be cheap or even free. Once again I will say this, in the capitalist system there is no room for anything that does not directly benefit the people that own and control society. They will continue to sink themselves into any part of society we let them in, and only by understanding these motives and reasonings can there be any resistance against it.

For something similar, here’s something I wrote about common land.

(Hey thanks for reading, please remember to reblog to help spread the word, and to follow for more stuff. Have a great day comrades!)

[carruth00]

BRAIN GAMES 1 & 2 - Harvey Raft - A Review

This is the Ad Copy for Brain Games...

Harvey Raft is an underground mentalist and magician who, after more than forty years as a performer, is finally releasing his unique creations in TWO BOOKS. There are over 60 effects ranging from card magic and mind-reading using non-gaffed cards, as well as his original routines using gaffed decks which, for the first time, you are given access to and able to print your own.

There are also chapters on Change Bag magic and a section of Christmas magic effects.

Book Two is unique in that it comes with access to PDFs of special cards that you can print at your local print shop. These range from decks of cards with Harvey's original designs for marked cards, or single cards used in novel ways. You will have access to 70 downloads.

The content ranges from self-working effects, math-style magic, non-card magic and themed magic using Movie cards, Zenner cards and more.

Over 400 pages of material - hard cover books.

BOOK ONE:

SENSATIONAL VISUALIZATIONAL!

DEAL-IRIUM

DECK-ADENCE

BOTTOM'S UP

TOPSY-TURVY

PSYCHIC COMPUTATION

JUST WEIGHT

SAID-ATION

SUPER HEAR-SAY

YU - SEDDIT

CARD CENTS

GO FIGURE

GIMEE A HIGH FIVE

MAGIC CIRCLE

ESPECIALLY FOR YOU MATCHIC

TOTAL RECALL

PERFECT TEN

MYSTIC IMPRESSIONS

I-DEAL-OLOGY

WELL XECUTED

HOWDIDJOODOODAT?

IT'S IN THE BAG

DISCOVERY!

POP 'N' GO

CURRENT ATTRACTION

YEAR TWO DATE

COINABILITY

MOVIE MAGIC

VALI-DATED

CHANGE BAG MAGIC

COLORING BOOK

SOX COME IN PEARS

CARD & BALLOON

LETTERED BEADS

CUT & RESTORED SKIPPING ROPE

CHRISTMAS MAGIC

DOVE'S CHRISTMAS HOUSE

TOYS, TOYS, TOYS!

SANTA'S CHRISTMAS PARTY

MAGIC CHRISTMAS BALL

BOOK TWO:

IMAGERIE

DEAL-ECTABLES

PICTURE THIS

IT'S IN THE CARDS

IT'S IN THE STARS

FLAGGED

ALL -FOR- ONE One- For -ALL

INCREDIBLE E.S.P.

SHOW ME THE WEIGHT

ESP-ETEKEL

E.S.P.S. SURPRISE

OODLE CABOODLE MENE-TEKEL

LOCATION, Location, Location

MAGNIFI-CENTS

MENTAL IDENTIFICATION

MENTAL CONNECTIVITY

E.S.P. LOTTO PRE-DETERMINATION

LUMINARY

RALLY 'ROUND THE FLAG

TO THE NINES

FIGURE IT OUT

EXTRA SENSORY TELEPATHY

RULE OF THREE

OODLE CABOODLE

XTRA ZENSORY PERCEPTION

THE CHOSEN ONE

X MARKS THE SPOT

ZODIAC MARKED DECK

THE MAGIC OF THE GOLDEN ZODIAC

VALU-ABLE & SUIT-ABLE

My Thoughts:

Harvey Raft didn't find his way to mentalism until later in life. Although he was an experienced performer, he was proficient at house parties and corporate events, performing close up and stage magic. When he was exposed to mentalism about twenty years ago his mind went into overdrive. MIND GAMES is the result of that fateful encounter.

First.. lets clear the air. The creator of BRAIN GAMES, Harvey Raft, is my friend. Although I have never met Harvey in person, He and I have spoke on the phone on numerous occasions and emailed many times. Harvey is an original thinker, and I have certainly taken advantage of the opportunity to share ideas.

Now.. on to BRAIN GAMES.

When I first received these two books in the mail several months ago I was in the middle of eye surgery and couldn't read properly. I waited patiently for everything to heal.. knowing Harvey's books were waiting for me. I'm so glad I finally got to the place where I could properly dive in and give my opinion.

Both books are hard covered and printed on quality stock. It's obvious Harvey and his cohort, Paul Romhany, (Yes.. THAT Paul Romhany!) decided to go the classy route and turn BRAIN GAMES into an investment. These are nice, big, easy to read treats that you will pass down to the next generation.

These books are not for everyone. If you have NO interest in mathemagic, and don't anticipate ever having an interest regardless of the quality of the material.. then I am not going to recommend Brain Games. Although you do NOT have to be a skilled math guy to appreciate Harvey's effects, it helps if you at least have an interest in effects that are mathematically based.

There are many effects you will perform like a champ but not have a clue how they actually work. And Harvey does NOT bog you down with the technical aspects and calculations that make folks like me feel like a dummy. All you need to know is the effects in BRAIN GAMES simply work. The concentration is on the performance aspect.. and not the intricacy of the math. Trust me.....

Book One is a buffet of effects ranging from magic circles to Christmas magic to psychic effects using stacked decks and a mathematical book test. There isn't any sleights... although you do need to have enough skill on occasion to quickly operate a calculator as your back is turned. There are a couple of effects utilizing a change bag and several effects that use calendars, birth dates or birth years. You should definitely be able to perform a false shuffle or false cut to work in conjunction with the effects requiring a stack. You will definitely need a dry erase marker and perhaps some laminated blank cards and an inexpensive calculator or two. (Nothing you can't pick up at an office supply store or the local dollar store.). Personally, I liked the book test and the forcing matrix effects and the magic circle, Harvey's take on the magic square. Needless to say, everything works if you simply follow directions.

Book Two is definitely the more 'mental' of the two. There are a number of ESP and mental magic type effects. Harvey has long been a very successful utilizer of Zener Cards. A number of his commercial effects put these props to good use, and he brings them back in book two in spades.. with a twist. They have an inherent strength with the public, who sees them as simultaneously mysterious and somewhat 'safer' than playing cards. Harvey calls the cards used in some of these effects 'ESP Cards', and they are similar to Zener cards.. except they consist of four symbols instead of five.

Book two includes numerous effects with several different type cards. Paul Romhany has a special page at Murphy's Magic that allows anyone purchasing Brain Games to access pages upon pages of special material. This includes templates for all the special decks used, calendars and any other material not commonly available. You can download both Word docs and PDF docs and print your own decks and props or have your local printer create anything you need. I know this sounds like a lot of work, but if you're like most folks you'll have your favorite effects and you save mucho money by only paying for what you will actually use.

Book two is actually referred to as SPECIAL PLAYING CARD MAGIC. There are numerous effects with very specific decks. There are tricks with celebrity cards, movie cards, cards with various shapes, places, numbers and symbols.. You name it, and there's probably an effect with it.. Again, everything you need to complete the effects are provided.. either in writing or in file formats. They're even a sophisticated mnemonic section to elevate your memory.

I could go on and on.. but reading the list of effects will give you a general idea of the many varied type of effects. It's hard for me to imagine one mind containing all this information. You will NOT find a bunch of rehashed effects from magazines and books eighty years old. These are well-planned and well-designed effects that deserved to be priced as they are.. You are paying for ORIGINAL ideas.

I am excited to have these books in my collection. I will use material from the books in my own effects, in my own way. I am so much better at adapting material than creating material.. and I am truly thankful to gentlemen like Harvey Raft and Paul Romhany who see the need for something other than 'think of a number between ten and twenty' or 'pick a card.. any card'. There's none of that in Brain Games, thank goodness, and I am grateful for their partnership and their vision..

I recommend BRAIN GAMES to my friends, readers and subscribers. I know it may be cost prohibitive for some of you.. but, as my mother was fond of saying when I asked for something new.. "Save up..!"

$150.00 .. Available from Murphy's Magic and their Associates...

https://www.murphysmagic.com/Product.aspx?id=66677

Review by Rick Carruth for Murphy's Magic & The Magic Roadshow.