#except that Petunia apologizes to Severus

[thedevilsfamiliar]

I’m listening to this song and thinking about a universe where Petunia didn’t mistreat Harry. Where she divorced her husband and took Dudley and Harry with her. Where on Harry’s 11th birthday, she gets to walk through Diagon Alley with her nephew, her second son, and gets to witness the world that Lily lived in.

The wonder, the awe, her boys talking animatedly in front of her, looking just as amazed as she.

She has no clue what awaits her second son, has no clue that in a few years he will be forced to give up his life.

Can you picture her? Washing her dishes, Dudley doing his homework at the kitchen table, looking out the window and wondering if her kid is okay? If he’s hungry?

Harry Potter walks into the forest at 17 years old, facing the man who killed his biological mother, who threatened to go after the mother he has at home waiting for him.

[wisteria-cherry]

marauders + associated characters!

gryffindor—🦁🔥🏆

black, sirius III- also called padfoot, he was born in 1959 to the house of black, one of the sacred twenty-eight. his parents were second cousins, and he did not have a good relationship with any member of his family nor extended family, except perhaps andromeda black. he rejected his family's values strongly, constantly emphasizing the differences between him and his family: making a shrine to godric gryffindor in his room, using permanent sticking charms to put up posters of motorcycles and muggle girls in bikinis on his walls. he and james potter were particularly popular, sirius' "thing" being that he was a bad boy- dark, handsome looks, arrogant, immense intellegence, and a tendency to ignore girls, which only made them want him more. he supported james potter wholeheartedly in his lifelong hatred for severus snape. they went out of their way to bully severus snape, and although he would later come to regret it, he never apologized. in his fifth year, he decided to play a "prank", telling severus snape about the passage through the whomping willow that led to the shrieking shack. severus snape went on a full moon, not knowing that remus lupin was transforming, forcing james potter to save severus snape. at age sixteen, he broke away from the house of black and was adopted by the potter family. he was disowned, but his uncle had pity on him and left him a large inheritance. he would later go on to be the best man and james potter and lily evans' wedding and the godfather of harry potter. Sirius was a tall, well-built, darkly handsome man with fair skin, medium, lustrous black hair, which sometimes appeared light in the sun, striking grey eyes, and an air of "casual elegance" as well as a somewhat haughty look on his face. in 1996, he died in a duel against his cousin bellatrix. note: he is recorded to have never had slughorn as a professor.

carter, richard- a former captain of the gryffindor quidditch team. he had a plaque up in gryffindor tower marking him as such by the early 1990s.

cresswell, dirk- born in 1961 to a muggle family, he began his education in 1972 at hogwarts. he was a favorite of professor horace slughorn, the potions master at the time. he was fluent in gobbledegook, the language of goblins. he would then go on to become the head of the goblin liaison office in the ministry of magic. he would later be murdered in 1998 for evading the muggle-born registration commission led by a corrupted ministry of magic, then infiltrated by death eaters. he is assumed to be one of slughorn's "all-time favorite students", implying proficiency in potions. he is also capable on a broomstick, and in very skilled in charms, able to perform a non-corporeal patronus charm, which is considered incredibly advanced magic.

evans, lily- born in cokewell in 1960, the same town as severus snape, she was in a muggle family. evidently, she was better off than severus snape's family, as her sister petunia sneered at him for coming from a poverty-stricken neighborhood. it was severus snape that told her she was a witch, which caused a rift between her and petunia, who wanted to attend hogwarts with her. she was skilled at potions, leading her to be a member of the slug club. in her years at hogwarts, she continuously stood up for severus snape, despising james potter for bullying him, despite not approving of his death eater friends, until, one day, he lashed out at her. he asked for forgiveness, but when asked whether he would still become a death eater, she realized he wouldn't change for her, thus, they parted ways. during her seventh year, however, she saw james potter prove himself to be brave and responsible, so she began to date him. she was also head girl alongside his being head boy. she would then go on to marry him at eighteen, also attending her sister petunia's wedding, although being devastated that she was not a bridesmaid. she is described as vivacious, popular, responsible, witty, charming, and kind. she was also a woman of great integrity. she had a slight temper and a sharp tongue, but was also willing to give people second chances. she was described as beautiful, with thick, dark red hair that fell to her shoulders, and almond-shaped bright green eyes. she would soon go on to meet an untimely death at the hands of voldemort in 1981.

king, r.j.h- born in 1957 or earlier, he attended hogwarts in the 60s. he was on gryffindor's quidditch team, and won an award for it in 1969. the plaque was shared with james potter and m.g. mcgonagall.

lupin, remus- born in 1960 to wizard lyall lupin and muggle hope howell, moony was infected with lycanthropy at five years old by fenrir greyback, who wanted revenge against remus' father, who was angry that fenrir had been released from trial. at that time, there was no cure. at first, during transformations, he would be brought to the shrieking shack, but the isolation nearly drove him mad. however, he soon became friends with james potter, sirius black and peter pettigrew. he tried to make excuses for his monthly transformations, but, by their second year, the other three had figured it out. by fifth year, each of the three boys had become animagi illegally for his sake. james potter became a red stag, earning the nickname prongs. sirius black, dubbed padfoot, became a bear-like black dog. peter pettigrew earned the name wormtail via his rat animagus. with them, he became more tame, in a way- even though he transformed, there was still some of him that was there in his mind. he was somewhat of a prankster, but was not nearly as much so as james potter and sirius black. he and the other marauders also created the marauder's map, which allowed them to see where anyone was at any given moment. he also held a dislike for severus snape by association. he was a prefect, although due to his loyal nature, he had trouble exercising discipline over his friends. although he was never cruel to severus snape, he would later come to regret just standing by and watching. he was described as tall, with thick hair, darker than it would be upon growing older but never specified how dark exactly. he is often described as having scars all over his body, which is logical but not confirmed. he was described as compassionate, intelligent, level-headed, peaceful, brave, kind, and selfless. despite experiencing so much prejudice, he still sees the good in others and is very forgiving. he was described as the most mature and responsible, and he was incredibly perceptive. however, he also had fears of shame and rejection, which lead to bystanding more often than he'd have liked. he was desperate to be liked. he was disgusted by all things wolfish and held a nurturing nature. he was skilled at charms, and he would grow up and meet an untimely death at the battle of hogwarts by antonin dolohov.

mcgonagall, m.g- note that this is only in the movie canon. m.g was a student at hogwarts in the early 70s and quite possibly the late 60s. their gender is unknown, and they played on the gryffindor quidditch team, winning an award for it in 1971 along with james potter and r.j.h king.

pettigrew, peter- born in either 1959/1960, he was either a pureblood or a half-blood. he was a hatstall, the hat taking more than five minutes to decide whether he was slytherin or gryffindor. he came to befriend james potter, sirius black III, and remus lupin. he idolized james potter and sirius black for their talent and popularity, living vicariously through them, so he often took part in bullying severus snape with them. he was described as stupid and foolish, and a very bad fighter. he was described as short, with watery eyes and a pointy nose, and mousy brown hair. he was keen and oppurtunistic, acting on what was best for him in the moment. he is cunning, to a degree, and desperate to the point of cowardice; wormtail was desperate for protection.

potter, james- prongs was born in 1960 as a pureblood. his parents were old, which led to a doting, pampered childhood with little limits. he was a clever student, and was a chaser on the gryffindor quidditch team. he was described as somewhat obnoxious, loving to show off, especially for lily evans. he also had a rivalry with severus snape, a result of him arguing with him on the hogwarts express about the best house and leading to a rocky relationship. thus, severus snape would follow the marauders around, looking for ways to get them expelled. in turn, he would use severus snape's own hexes against him. at some point, severus snape was curious as to why the marauders left every month, and went into the whomping willow tunnel, where remus lupin had transformed into a werewolf. consequently, he saves severus snape's life. in his sixth year, he and his parents adopted sirius black after he broke away from the house of black. in his seventh year, he began to tame his mischievous streak, becoming head boy with lily evans (despite not being a prefect) and beginning to date her. however, he continued to jinx severus snape in secret, although displayed a willingness to stop for lily evans. he would then go on to marry lily evans at age eighteen. he was disgusted by prejudice, and rebellious, but willing to make sacrifices for his loved ones. he is described as having an air of being well cared for, and untidy black hair. he was tall and thin with hazel eyes. he was said to have not worn glasses until his fifth year, and met an untimely death in 1981, murdered by voldemort.

rakepick, patricia- born around 1956, she attended hogwarts from 1967-1974. she was consistently the top of her class, but disliked by her professors. she had a massive rebellious streak, which caused her to be loved by her peers just as much as she was disliked by professors. she mentored younger students in the ways of trouble-making, even rumored to have taught the marauders a thing or two, as she was in her fifth year when they began at hogwarts. she expressed the desire to become a magizoologist, often disappearing into the forbidden forest via broomstick for days at a time. she had multiple negative encounters with centaurs, however, and harbored a dislike for them into adulthood. she went on to become a curse-breaker for gringotts with her niffler, sickleworth. however, she became a dark witch, ending up serving time in azkaban before escaping. she was a haughty-looking witch with wavy red hair and blue eyes. she was entitled, a daredevil, intellegent, smug, tempermental, and proud. she was noted as being unusually cunning for a gryffindor.

slytherin—🐍❎💶

ashe, duncan- born sometime between september 1, 1962- august 31, 1963. he was a mischief maker, frequenting zonko’s joke shop. he was also friends with peeves the poltergeist and olivia green. he was an excellent flier and potions maker. he died prematurely in the 70s-80s after a failed erumpent potion.

avery, [unknown] II- born late 50s or early 60s. the assumed son of avery, who went to school with tom riddle. he had a dark and cruel sense of humor, exemplified when he and mulciber attempted dark magic on mary macdonald in the 1975-1976 school year. he was also associated with the slytherin group that would soon become death eaters, including severus snape, whose friendship with him bothered lily evans due to his sadism, bellatrix black, rodolphus lestrange, wilkes, and evan rosier. he could potentially be regarded as evasive, given that, when faced trial in his later years for being a death eater after voldemort's downfall, he "wormed his way out" and pleaded innocent by reason of the imperius curse. in his later years, he is also portrayed as incompetent an cowardly. he is. also a potentially capable duelist. he is one of the sacred twenty-eight pureblood families.

black, andromeda- born in between 1952-1954 as the middle child of the three black daughters, it is unconfirmed whether andromeda was even at hogwarts during the marauders, the earliest graduation date being 1970 and the latest being 1972. regardless, she was thought to be skilled in charms. during this time, she fell in love with ted tonks, who she married. as a result, she got disowned by the house of black.

black, narcissa- born in 1955, she was the youngest of the three black sisters, andromeda black and bellatrix black (who predates the marauders, graduating in 69, only two years before). she grew up in a prejudiced household and continued to hold those ideals during her time at hogwarts from 1966-1973. she interacted little with her "blood traitor" cousin sirius black. she is not stated to be a death eater, but, upon marrying lucius malfoy later in life, would support her husband.

black, regulus- born in 1961 to the black family, one of the sacred twenty-eight. he began his education at hogwarts in 1972. he was named after his great uncle regulus. he was an avid upholder of black tradition and was hailed as the golden child. he was a seeker for the slytherin house quidditch team. at age 16, in 1977, he received his dark mark, admiring voldemort, much to his parents' approval (who never had dark marks but approved of voldemort's beliefs). prior to becoming a death eater, he began to reconsider after voldemort mistreated and intended to kill the blacks' house elf, kreacher, whilst setting up defensive measures for his horcrux. he is described as smaller and less handsome than his older brother, sirius black, and is portrayed as haughty, pompous, and eager to please, and after betraying voldemort was described as brave, selfless and true to his integrity. he is also shown to have respected kreacher. he was murdered in 1979, aged 17-18.

laughalot, steve- born sometime in the 1950s, he was the captain of the slytherin quidditch team from 1968-1972. nothing else is known about the elusive laughalot.

malfoy, lucius- born sometime around 1953-54 to the prestigious malfoy family, one of the sacred twenty-eight, and attended hogwarts from 1965-72 or 1966-73. it was there that he met his future wife, narcissa black. in his third year, he witnessed the resignation of the first muggle-born minister of magic, nobby leach, after he fell ill. his father was suspected of the crime. he was an upstanding student, one of authority and nobility, leading by example. when he was in his fifth year, he became a prefect, and he was also a part of the slug club, favored by then-potions master horace slughorn. in 1971, he became the first person to befriend severus snape besides lily evans upon severus snape's being sorted into slytherin. he despised albus dumbledore, who, at the time, was the head of transfiguration, and mourned the day he succeeded armando dippet as headmaster. he was described with a pale, pointed face, pale, blond, hair and cold grey eyes. he was a skilled duelist and was intellegent, shrewd, opportunistic, manipulative, prejudiced and cruel, despite maintaining an appearance of respectability. he does, however, show genuine love for those he cares for.

mulciber, [unknown] II- born between 1958-1965, he was most likely a pureblood, possibly half-blood. he attended hogwarts in the early 70s, befriending avery and severus snape, being mostly known for the cruel pranks played on other students. he and others bullied mary macdonald, even trying to use dark magic on her in the 75-76 school year. he then went on to become a death eater.

rosier, evan- born between 1953-1966, he was born into the rosier family, one of the sacred twenty-eight. he was a part of the group of slytherins who aspired to be death eaters: severus snape, mulciber II, avery II and wilkes. he would later go on to enter service under voldemort in the height of the first wizarding war with the rest of the group. somewhere around 1980-1981, he would resist arrest by mad-eye moody and be killed whilst doing so.

snape, severus- a half-blood born in 1960. he grew up in a shabby suburb, spinner's end, neglected and living in a household in which his parents always fought. he was described as unwashed with ill-fitting clothes. he befriended lily evans, on whom he had a crush, despite her not feeling the same. he was an awkward child with poor social skills. his rivalry with james potter began quickly, resulting from an argument over the houses they would be soon sorted into. in school, he excelled in the dark arts, knowing more hexes and curses at age eleven than most seventeen-year-olds. he created a variety of his own hexes, including levicorpus and sectumsempra. he grew to become friends with the group that would soon become death eaters: avery II, mulciber II, wilkes, and evan rosier, as well as older student lucius malfoy, who was a prefect and greeted him warmly. he was constantly bullied by the marauders. at one point, james potter jinxed him to levitate and hang upside down, revealing his underwear. lily evans came to his defense, but, trying to regain his dignity, he lashed out and called her a mudblood. he begged for forgiveness, but she broke off their friendship upon realizing that he still wanted to be a death eater. he would later hail it as his worst memory. his hatred for james potter only grew from there as he began to date lily evans. later in life, he would go on to protect lily evan's son as a double agent, and then die by the same fate- murdered by voldemort. he is described as thin, with a large, hooked nose. he has a stringy, pallid look, round-shouldered yet angular, a twitchy walk, and long, oily hair that jumped about everywhere. he is described as cold and bitter, often holding grudges, with poor interactional skills that hinted at depression. he was repressed and solitary, strong but silent. despite his death eater associations, he was not prejudiced against muggle-borns, but simply had a distaste for muggles like petunia and his muggle father. he is prone to exploding, but had a deep capacity to love.

talkalot, lucinda- she attended hogwarts sometime in the 70s. she became captain of the slytherin quidditch team in 1976.

vanity, emma- she attended hogwarts in the 70s, like lucinda talkalot. she was slytherin quidditch captain from 1972-1976.

wilkes, [unknown]- their gender is unknown, but they attended hogwarts sometime in the 70s, joining the group of aspiring death eaters: avery II, mulciber II, severus snape and evan rosier. later in life, a year before voldemort's downfall, wilkes would be killed by aurors while attempting to avoid imprisonment.

ravenclaw—🦅💧📘

green, olivia- was born sometime in 1962-63 and her blood status is unknown. despite being ravenclaw, she was known for her bravery. she was also hailed as one of the brightest students in her year and was friends with duncan ashe. she once got lost at flourish and blott's, implying that her sense of direction isn't the best. she would then go on to work at the minstry for nine years in the department of mysteries as an unspeakable. then, upon being contacted by albus dumbledore following the abrupt opening of the defense against the dark arts professor position at hogwarts, quit her job and began teaching in 1991. she is portrayed with tan skin, wavy dark brown hair, and green eyes with glasses.

lockhart, gilderoy- a half-blood born in 1964, he was four years below the marauders. he nearly became a hatstall, as the hat also saw him fit in slytherin. he expected to be popular and hailed as a genius, however, he was perfectly ordinary. he did achieve good marks, and his professors thought he could certainly make something of himself, however, he was more interested in learning for the purpose of getting attention, not knowledge. he insisted he would captain the england quidditch to world championship before becoming minister of magic. he did neither, but was, for a period of time, ravenclaw's quidditch captain as a seeker. he began a hogwarts newspaper, but when that failed, he resorted to different antics: carving a signature of his name in 20-foot letters on the quidditch pitch (week's detention), sending himself 800 valentines (cancelled breakfast due to excess droppings in the porridge), and creating a spell that shot a hologram of his face into the sky, not unlike a dark mark. he is described as insensitive, impractical, insecure, insincere, vain, flamboyant, and cowardly, but also ambitious and clever. he was considered good-looking, with wavy blond hair and blue eyes and nice teeth. he had an extravagant fashion sense.

hufflepuff—🦡☀️💛

tough

houses unknown—👻🧠❓

aubrey, bertram- born in the 60s. attended hogwarts in the 70s. his canon house is unknown, although the etymology of his first name (“bright raven”) suggests affiliation with ravenclaw. james potter and sirius black used an illegal hex on him (possibly Engorgio Skullus) to cause his head to grow twice its original size. james potter and sirius black received double detention.

crouch, bartemius "barty" jr.- born in 1962-63 to the crouch family, one of the sacred twenty-eight, his house is unknown, but it is typically assumed slytherin due to his friends and, later, death eater status. he is described with straw blond hair, pale, and freckly. in his time at hogwarts, he achieved 12 o.w.l.s. it is likely that he was familiar with other up-and-coming death eaters such as lucius malfoy, severus snape, and regulus black. he took the dark mark in his later teen years. later in life, he would participate in the torture of the longbottoms, described as one of the most evil crimes in magical history. he pleaded innocent, but his father (who was presiding), who was ashamed of his death eater son, used the trial as an excuse to condemn his son and potentially show how much he hated him. he would then go on to kill his father. crouch's father was mostly absent in his life, absorbed in his work at the ministry of magic, but crouch's mother is recorded to have loved him very much. the crouchs' house-elf was winky. he is described as dangerously clever and perceptive, charismatic, cold, cruel, vengeful, manipulative, loyal, arrogant and sadistic. he is emotional and a talented actor. he was also known to have a love for quidditch. he was an incredible duelist, and was skilled in charms, transfiguration, potions, occlumency, and non-verbal magic. in 1995, crouch was given the dementor's kiss and died.

gudgeon, davey- attended hogwarts in the 1970s. he is known for have nearly lost his eye due to the whomping willow whilst playing a game, the object of which being to get as close to the trunk as you can. following gudgeon's close call, students began to avoid the whomping willow.

jorkins, bertha- born sometime between 1953-1958, she was a witch at hogwarts. she was known as somewhat of an idiot, and incredibly gossipy. she would often spread rumors and complain about mistreatment she received from other students, such as being hexed by florence's unnamed boyfriend, whom she teased for kissing florence behind the hogwarts greenhouses. she would later work for the ministry, floating between departments, beginning under barty crouch, sr, and ending up under ludo bagaman in the department of magical games and sports. she was killed in 1994 by voldemort, after he used her for information and disposed of her once he had no more use for her. her parentage is unknown.

longbottom, frank- born somewhere in between 1957-1959, he was indeed born into the longbottom family, one of the sacred twenty-eight. as he was an incredible auror as an adult, obviously displaying bravery of some sort, it is typically assumed that he was a gryffindor as well. it is also assumed but not confirmed that during his time at hogwarts, he met alice, and married her. unfortunately, he and his wife would be tortured into insanity by bellatrix.

macdonald, mary- typically assumed to be a gryffinor due to her association with lily evans, she was assumed to be at hogwarts in the 1970s. she is also assumed to be a muggle-born due to her being assaulted by mulciber. the attack was later brought up by lily evans, who was criticizing severus snape's new friends, mulciber included, by saying they were "creepy" and "evil." she would then go on to tell lily evans about how severus snape waited outside gryffindor tower to apologize for calling lily evans "mudblood".

mckinnon, marlene- was murdered in 1981, like many order of the phoenix members, so it is typically assumed that she is around the age of the marauders. later in life, she is mentioned in letters from lily evans. her family was said to be a powerful one. she is described as pale, with red hair and orange eyes, and in correspondence with lily evans.

meadows, dorcas- born in 1960, not much is known about her. she is said to have dark skin, black hair, and brown eyes, and was murdered in 1981 by voldemort personally, making allusions to the idea that she was a skilled and powerful witch.

shacklebolt, kingsley- born in or before the 1960s, his family was one of the sacred twenty-eight. his house is unknown, but it is implied that he either saw, met or knew james potter, as he would later go on to point out similarities between him and his son, harry. he is described as having a slow, deep voice that came across as reassuring. he was level-headed and calm, but with a justified temper and immense power. he was known to be a good judge of character, faithful, and devoted to his causes, although he is not one to blindly follow another.

tonks, ted- it is unknown when he was born, and when he went to hogwarts. however, it can be reasonably deduced that he was there at around the same time as andromeda black, whom he fell in love with and married. later in life, he is portrayed as affectionate and sweet, which leads to many peoples' belief of his being hufflepuff.

[unknown], adrian- born in either 1959 or 1960. he began his hogwarts career in 1971, and became a member of the slug club. he would later become a photographer, much to slughorn's disappointment, however, they would still keep in touch.

[unknown], alice- due to her incredible bravery as an auror and future gryffindor son, she is often headcanoned to be a gryffindor. other non-confirmed headcanons include her being similar age to her future husband, frank longbottom, which results in the reasonable assumption that they went to hogwarts together. she is assumed to have received at least five n.e.w.t.s of "exceeds expectations" or higher. she would later go on to marry frank longbottom and be tortured into insanity by bellatrix. she was a round-faced woman with short hair.

[unknown], florence- born in 1950s-60s, she was a witch at hogwarts at the same time as berthe jorkins. bertha jorkins caught her behind the hogwarts greenhouses kissing a boy, presumably her boyfriend.

credit to @harry-potter-told-by-a-slytherin for the emojis, they’re super cute❤️

[nuri148]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks....

Hi Anon! Thank you so much for the ask! No, I hadn’t been asked this before.

It was quite hard to come up with 10 names for, outside of my current blorbos, throughout my life (which is quite longer than that of most people around this site) I’ve consumed and loved a lot of fiction, and so I’ve loved many characters, but also many of them I fell in love when I was too young to know (or remember) why I liked them, or know anything about characterization at all.

Still, I tried to cover a wide variety of works/genres, which as I racked my brains came with some interesting revelations:

- The first characters that came to mind were all males. It took me an extra effort to recall some female characters that I love.

- The list is white af. This can be for a number of reasons, all related to complex societal dynamics, cultural constructs and how the media portrays or ignores this. This is meant a light hearted ask, so I won’t delve into that, but I did want it to make clear that yes, I’m aware this list lacks diversity.

Some of these media I haven't seen for years so apologies if my memory of some details is not very accurate.

Last but not least, as I don’t like the reductionism of “top x”, I am listing with bullets for these come in no particular order. (Except Levi, of course; as current top Blorbo he could actually fill the top 10 by himself.)

Levi Ackerman (AoT) – He kicks ass, he’s a no-nonsense guy, he’s got a rough exterior but it’s a kind person. He’s had a shitty life but he chooses to be the good guy, even if he has to resort to violence sometimes.

Severus Snape (HP) – I said it already and I’ll say it again that I’ve no proof and no doubt that if you were a Snape fangirl, you’ll be a Levi fangirl. Snape makes Levi look like Miss Congeniality in comparison. He too had a rough life,went over to the dark side, yet realised he’d fucked up big time and spent the rest of his life trying to minimize the damage his actions had caused. PLUS he’s a huge nerd.

Mike Ehrmentraut (BB/BCS) – Mike is SO OVER being a badass. He just wants to live a quite life spoiling his grandaughter. His curse is being too good at what he does, and he can’t help but care about the idiots that would die if he wasn’t there to clean their messes. (On the topic of diversity... Honorable mention for Stanley from The Office and Lester from The Wire, whose “I’m too old for this shit” vibes give me life).

Arya Stark (GOT) – She didn’t stay around suffering for her losses nor went into a rampage, nope. She took the long scenic route to become a pro killer to serve her revenge in a cold dish.

Heidi (from the 70's anime series)– Hands down my first and oldest Blorbo. She lived in the mountains, roamed barefoot on beautiful meadows, was friends with a bunch of goats and all the little critters of the alps. What’s not to love? (At the ripe age of 3, I would make my mum buy me goat cheese bc if Heidi ate it, so must I. At 4 my parents took me to the mountains in winter so I could see the snow and the fir trees that Heidi loved. We’re rewatching now and my new Heidi Blorbo is Joseph the dog, he’s got big Mike Ehrmentraut energy).

Jesse Pinkman (BB)– He’s a good guy who fell into the wrong path. He’s had rotten luck, partly brought onto himself through bad choices and poor judgement, yet he still tries to do good and craves some love.  

Petunia Dursley (HP)- Harry's unlikable aunt kinda grew on me over the years, as we saw some of her backstory and how it resonated with parts of my own family history. She grew up knowing herself the lesser child and I believe she never got a chance to smooth things over with Lily. In spite of which P. still cared enough to do the right thing and take charge of Harry (horribly, admittedly).

Omar Little (The Wire) - I don't usually like "bad" characters but Omar was more badass than he was bad. Circumstances made him a violent criminal but he I believe he had redemption potential. Also, how cool is it that he was unequivocally gay in a setting where everyone tends to be so macho... but of course no one would say anything about it. bc it's Omar.

Peter - he's the MC and first person narrator from a rather unknown Ray Bradbury's short story titled “I’m not so dumb” which is one of my favourite Bradbury's tales. Like the title suggests, as the story unfolds the simple-minded Peter will try to show his neighbours that he's not that stupid.

Mafalda - I could not leave out the title character of the (likely) most famous comic in Argentine history. Mafalda's concern for world affairs is of course unrealistic, but it does sort of put those call-outs "in the mouth of babes".

[thequibblah]

⭐

anon: omg hi I think I sent in a ~free choice~ directors cut a while back but if you can't think of anything you wanna talk about I would LOVE to hear more about the way you write the Snape/Lily relationship and and the way it breaks apart, and even specific scenes related to it because in this house we are Anti S/nily

i hope this person was you but if not HAHA i will take this opportunity to answer their prompt as a "free choice" if you don't mind!

so. good old.... severus. ahhh.

writing interactions between snape and lily is like, one of the most rewarding challenges of this fic. now.... pitchforks away, my lovelies.... it's such an interesting emotional space to explore on her end, to me. personally i've never had a friendship end over something big and irrevocable, so it's really brand-new water to tread.

what makes it even more fascinating is that because of the setup of CT — starting after the lake incident — snape is less a presence in her life and more an absence she's working around. if i can get boring and pretentious for a sec, this was something i worked on a lot in college creative writing classes — writing about a thing in the past by avoiding it, or touching upon it and flinching away, or approaching it sideways.

now. we none of us have the patience of serious literary fiction readers in our fic HAHAHHA so this is a lot more dialled-back (dialled-forward??). but that was basically the approach to begin with, with these two. and then it was a matter of exploring the trajectory of it — how when the wound is rawest, lily is actually most forgiving and generous towards him, as she's had less time and space away from him/their friendship, and is busy making excuses for him.

(aside: i didn't realise until actually confronted by it that so much of her attitude towards him comes from her attitude towards petunia, a relationship in which she got used to receiving barbs before she gave them back, but the blood tie keeps her from a clean break. with snape there's no blood relation, obviously, but there's a shared sense of history, of childhood, that kind of lives in the same part of lily's brain/heart. so... really, two people who loathe each other overlap quite significantly in lily's emotional landscape.)

re: lily's excuse-making — it doesn't help that the only person who pushes her on snape is james. (her friends all have learned to avoid the subject, as you do when your friend is friends with someone you don't like but you can't say anything until after they're finished, and then you're like omg thank GOD i hated them from the start!!! but of course in this case they couldn't go overboard with that sentiment, lest it come off as "you should've known better/we knew better and you didn't") thanks to the circumstances of the lake incident, some of those messy feelings towards snape are entangled in messy feelings towards james (early on in the story especially), so the resulting conflict is.... bad....

She half-stumbled backwards, as if she’d been slapped. “I don’t need you to remind me,” she hissed. To her embarrassment, tears of frustration sprang to her eyes. But if she’d thought that would make him back off, she was wrong. “Yeah, except you do need the reminder,” said James. “Because you don’t get it yet. He chose them. Not you.” Lily was shaking. “I believe in second chances,” she said, fighting to keep her voice level. “But you really, really test my faith, James.” And without waiting for him to answer, she stormed up the girls’ staircase, wiping at her cheeks.

bad.

lily's true blind spot is, of course, that she's more willing to forgive snape's missteps with her. and of course james has to go and point that out :/

“Let me put it this way. If Sni — if Snape were Mary’s friend and he’d said that to her, wouldn’t you tell Mary she ought to never speak to him again?” Lily shifted uneasily. “Well, sure, but I’ve known him since—” “—you were children, whatever. Say Mary did too. Would that change anything for her?”

so the first time lily is like wait actually fuck this!!! it's because he reminds her, in an argument, about how callous he can be — a callousness which i think she's never liked, but it's easier to forgive sharpness when it's your friend poking fun at people you don't like, and less easy when...

“Yes, do let’s talk about Potter,” she said, dangerously calm now. “Let’s talk about how your mate Mulciber used an Unforgivable Curse on him—” To her absolute shock, Severus scoffed. “It was three bloody seconds—” “Shut up,” Lily said, too stunned to think of something better to say. “Shut up, you don’t seriously think that — that because the two of you have a childish rivalry, he deserves torture?” “That’s not what I said,” he replied, looking mutinous. “I just meant, everyone’s acting like he’s some big survivor — always playing for attention—”

...well, when that.

best/worst impulses aside, lily knows that the true measure of someone is how they treat the people they dislike, not their friends, and in a sense his attitude towards james (and generally other people) in this scene makes her realise what she'd read as inconsideration or insensitivity is in fact...

"...You’re weak-willed and pathetic and you’re — you’re not a good person.”

...so there's that.

as anyone who's read lily's current petunia drama will know, she's got a bit of a problem with letting go. but after her mother's death (and the attached stick to your sister she's all you've got), she manages a weirdly good break from cokeworth — because a lot of her childhood was wrapped up in hogwarts, and in snape (whom she hasn't spent vacation time with in over a year at that point). with neither at hand, she hardly has time to process it/feel homesickness.

but note this, at the start of 7th year:

“Was last year nothing to you?” Her voice had sharpened. “I wasn’t freezing you out to punish you, Severus. I was treating you how I plan on treating you from now on.”

of course lily's just making a point here, but when i wrote that i was like wow she (and i lol) are kind of onto something — snape totally does think this is like, a temporary purgatory period after which she really will come around. and through months of her getting visibly closer to his nemesis, he holds onto that belief — despite what she says. (funnily enough, childhood rose-tinted glasses make them both see what they want to see in each other, in very different ways)

that's why when he hears her say what she says to una in that hogsmeade trip, he immediately comes to his own conclusions. that was another important, interesting thing for me — for other slytherins, "loose ends" are opportunities for cruelty, for punishment, to finish what they've started. (not so for regulus, who's grown up with sadism and is frankly repulsed by the idea of pain for a flimsy cause — best believe there was absolutely a point to him orchestrating an attack on the teacher getting close to his brother. but that's another story.)

not for severus either — his loose end, in his own mind, will always be lily. he senses that something's broken, but he has absolutely no self-awareness about what it is, and his extending an olive branch was more about her coming to his level than him going to hers (aka the way apologies ought to work). he realises, over a year out, that it's up to him to fix it, but it's too late — lily's quite moved on at that point, and her residual emotions towards him are indifference and pity.

if only snape had known to leave it there!

looping full circle back to the lake incident, then, the argument in 41 is once again very personal — but rather than him pushing her away, it's him trying to get her close again. and now, stressed about all the bs in the world but also with all the petunia-related learn-to-let-go stuff fresh in her mind, lily is absolutely in the right state of mind to recognise when she's wrongly judged someone. this calls for scorched earth, she realises, or she'll never be able to shake him and move on for good.

and so what started with severus telling her that she's special, that there's a place in a new world for her, ends sort of the same way.... and the break that began with his casual, almost unintentional cruelty, ends with her very deliberate cruelty. as a bonus, she's ready now to use the one thing he's always wielded like a shield in their arguments — james, how the marauders are, etc. etc. — against him, and genuinely mean it.

(she might regret that soon. but not the way you'd think!)

[notruercolors]

Adult Retrospection on Harry Potter

At five-years-old I was first exposed to Harry Potter by my godmother. I was slightly horrified by Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, total BS they changed the name thinking Americans wouldn’t understand what the philosopher’s stone is. I digress. There was something about the thing behind the turban that terrified five-year-old me. I only knew the movies until I was in middle school and high school. I got into the books a lot older than my peers as my reading level took longer to develop, I would discover in university I had dyslexia. I struggled getting into the books due to the descriptive style Rowling uses that I would get lost in therefore getting bored. It was by far easier to read than Twilight was, I never got past chapter one in that series. I recently re-read the series as an adult with aid of technology that makes reading easier for people with dyslexia, thank goodness for technology. With doing so I realized the true problems with the Harry Potter series. I vaguely remember all the issues back in the day with Christians banning and even burning the books. That never an issue I felt was apparent because children the books are meant for are aware of reality versus fantasy and if you are confident in young religious teachings that children should be able to be exposed to opposing views without being swayed away from those teachings. The problems I noticed were a problem when I was young, and it will continue to make the series more problematic with the younger generations more aware of these issues than I was as a child. The issue I have with the series stems from out-of-date unhealthy perspectives that are portrayed in the books. What are these unhealthy perspectives? I have noticed prevalent fat-shaming, acceptance of bullying. and acceptance of abuse.

 Someone out there is going to question me about the fat-shaming aspect, just hear me out on this one. Yes, there are characters that are overweight and portrayed as good characters. I must mention these characters I not described directly as fat. For example, as Neville Longbottom and Molly Weasley were described as plump which equals chubby in most people’s mind. The exception is Professor Slughorn; however, he was portrayed as a bit of a coward and vain. Otherwise, the fat characters in the story are Dudley and Vernon Dursley. They are betrayed as bullies and otherwise horrible people. There was a lot of description into Dudley and Vernon’s weight, way more than was necessary. It was nice that you saw Dudley’s weight be addressed during the series, but it was also not necessary for the story, so I never understood why it was included other than to make fun of Dudley. I would have preferred to have seen a transformation where Harry realized that Dudley had changed both physically and emotionally to a better person. I was always an overweight child. I didn’t think anything about this portrayal of fat people as a kid. This wasn’t the only form of media I consumed that had this view on fat people. It was all over during the 90’s and the early 2000’s. The media we consume has a significant impact to the formation of our identity and confidence as young children. I am not saying Harry Potter is the only factor in my issues of confidence surrounding my weight. It cannot be denied that Harry Potter had an enormous impact in the lives of children during my childhood and even now. It was a problem back when I was young. It is even a bigger problem for the current generation that is at age to enjoy the series.

 Bullying is a huge topic for Harry Potter. From an early age Harry was bullied by Dudley even physically assaulted by Dudley and his friends. Harry didn’t like his family. But it was clear nothing ever happened to Dudley for bullying Harry. Then there is the issue between Draco Malfoy. It kept increasing in intensity until it escalated to physical assault. Harry did face consequence for this incident, and never made that mistake again which is the only redeeming factor of this incident being in the book. This issue between Draco and Harry went both ways in the series, which is often how bullying works in real life. I do give credit for it at least being accurate in that aspect. Hogwarts appears to have zero polices regarding bullying. As it was very prevalent in the 1960’s during the time of Marauders and was still an issue in the 1990s. The set up of the four houses even encourages this behavior separating the students into cliques that have rivalries with each other that have gone on centuries. It is simply accepted as part of wizarding life. No one does anything to try to change it. That is ridiculous that centuries old rivalries still rule the wizarding world. The next aspect is directed towards bullying boy against girl versus girl against boy. Ron Weasley learned a harsh lesson in bullying Hermione when she almost accidently got killed by Troll in their first year. However, Hermione would go in their sixth year to physically assault Ron with the Oppugno spell. She was a Perfect, meaning she is supposed to be the model student. No one reported this incident. She faced no consequences. She should have at least had detention and her Perfect status should have been revoked. It doesn’t matter how much of a jerk Ron had been. There is zero tolerance for any physical assault in my moral system. Ron continued being her friend. It was as if nothing ever happened. This just helped support the old concept that if a boy bullies a girl, he should be punished severely but if a girl does the same, he must have done something to deserve it. What does this instruct young children? Domestic abuse against men is an issue that still swept under the rug in society. Boys and men cannot possibly be abused by the women in their lives. Men just like women die in domestic abuse situations. The fact that a children’s book indirectly supports that old fashion ideology bothers me deeply. This double standard will continue to exist as long as media, TV or printed, continues to support it.

 The acceptance of abuse in the series is also rather alarming. Harry was at the never least neglected, but frankly the treatment he received by his family was abuse. It is important to note that the UK was behind the rest of the world when it came to protecting children against abuse. There were no laws for child abuse until 1981. However, Harry went to public schools as a child. Why didn’t anyone realize what was happening and report it? I’m not completely sure how well reported child abuse was in the UK during the 80s and 90s. Corporal punishment was allowed in schools in 1986. However, it was mentioned that at Dudley’s school the students would use canes on each other, and the staff did nothing. When Aunt Marge visited, she asked Harry if they used canes at the school Petunia and Vernon made up that Harry went to, and he said they did every day. This was of course a law, but this made Marge happy to hear. In 1995-1996, Dolores Umbridge used Black Quill, which inflicted physical pain and semi-permanent mark, on students. It was highly illegal, but it still happened in the series, and no one could do much about it. I cannot end this section without mentioning Severus Snape’s treatment of Harry. He harassed a child for the actions of their father. What he did equates to emotional abuse. Professors were aware of his bias towards Slytherin students, and that Harry had conflicts with Snape. No one did anything about it or question Harry about why he disliked the Potions Professor so much. Harry does forgive Snape for his behavior. But that doesn’t make it any better. In fact, it encourages a concept that victims should forgive their abusers as Harry would have felt pressured to forgive him because of the circumstance Snape was in when he apologized. No one is required to forgive their abusers. Dolores did eventually get punished for the abuse inflicted on the students. It still bothered me it was even in the story. Just because wizards have their own society that does not mean that UK’s laws don’t apply to them. They may be wizards, but they still are citizens of and reside in the UK.

 I did enjoy Harry Potter in my youth, and I do not mean to take away from anyone’s childhood enjoyment of the series. But it is important that as adults we acknowledge the issues with the series as we begin to have children of which we may want to share our love of Harry Potter with. We need to be aware of the dark side of the series and what we may indirectly exposing our children to. This goes to anyone who wonders if they should allow their child to read Harry Potter. The views and portrayals of society is rapidly becoming old fashioned and by the time the children of the fans of the series become old enough to read the series may be comply inappropriate for young children. If you are having debates about the series based on religion, I feel this is a non-issue. Children are aware of fantasy versus reality. But there are aspects of the series parents should be aware of before making decision.

[mesmusae]

Severus: Lily

I know what Fandom says and thinks for the most part. And I know what Rowling has said. Both of which I reject. I don’t like this narrative that Severus was stalkery obsessed with Lily. I am disgusted at the “it’s a good thing harry wasn’t a girl who looked just like his mother” discussions. So let’s break down how I view their friendship.

Let’s start with them meeting. A lot of people take him watching Lily and Petunia at the park as creepy but here’s a few reasons why it’s not. 1) People watching. Literally everyone does this some. If you’re in a public place, you’re going to watch the other people there, see what they’re doing. 2) Shyness. Severus is clearly not a social person. He’s very introverted. Plus, we know he and his family are quite the social pariahs in the neighborhood. They’re looked down upon for being poor, and it seems that perhaps their family life isn’t so private either. He’s not just going to feel comfortable or safe approaching two girls who are from a much better off family. 3) Lily was doing magic in a public setting, in broad daylight. On purpose. For Severus, that’s quite impressive. And likely what caught his attention as well as being how he built up the courage to talk to her. He was like her, and it was clear he had answers that her family didn’t.

And that is how their friendship is born. It is born of this mutual thing they have in common. And Severus is getting to tell Lily everything he knows. She listens, she talks with him, asks him questions, everything. This is likely everything he doesn’t get at home. Lily has become a refuge. Which is perhaps unhealthy, but at this stage, she’s his friend. 

Their first obstacle comes at the sorting. It’s clear that Severus wants Slytherin. He is starting to believe the toxic pureblood rhetoric at a young age. But then again, two thirds of his interactions with muggles are extremely negative. You have his father, who resents Severus and Eileen for what they are. He punishes them for it. And then there’s Petunia. Who is envious of Lily (and likely Snape on the magic front if nothing else) and lashes out because of it. There’s also the muggles around him, in which he gets only pity and a blind eye from as well as sneers and jdugement. And he knows he’s more powerful than them. But he can’t do a damn thing with that. So unlike most prejudice against muggles wizards, his prejudice lies in his real life experiences as opposed to people like Draco who are just raised to believe that muggles are scum and wizards are the elite but have likely never even interacted with a muggle. 

He also wants Lily to come with him. Because he thinks she’s different. (Not a healthy mindset at all. But to him, she is the exception to the rule). Slytherin would not be a safe place for Lily (nor the safe place that he is expecting it to be for him). Though, I think if she’d been in Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff it would have gone over better to him than Gryffindor. 

The rift here begins, I think for a couple of reasons. 1) James and his group are now trying to interact with lily. With James of course later in the years growing romantically interested as well. And while we know that Lily is rejecting James’ friendship and romantic advances throughout school, Severus has a lot of mental health issues. Thus, I think his issues stem more from jealousy and fear. Fear that Lily will one day decide that he isn’t worth her time. Maybe she’ll think that James and his gang are in fact better. And that would leave him alone again because 2) Slytherin is not the Sanctuary he thought it would be. Slytherin was supposed to be his home away from “home”. He’d be amongst his kind. Except that Slytherin is a pureblood and very rich house. Most of the purebloods come from Old Money. Classism is a massive part of that. So not only is Severus not a pureblood, but his family is poor. He wears hand-me-downs that are often described as feminine blouses, meaning they’re probably coming from his mother. Add to that, his only friend is a muggle-born. Which he is obviously judged and mocked for. But he’s loyal to Lily. To a fault, honestly. 

So he’s not only severely separated from his only friend from the start, but bullied by both the marauders AND his own housemates in Slytherin. And unfortunately, Lily is the cause to some degree on both sides. (that is not to say it is her fault. IT IS NOT HER FAULT. James’s decisions were his own, as well as the actions of those in Slytherin around Severus. And Severus’s actions in response are his own). 

Now at some point, his feelings turned romantic. And unfortunately, Severus did not have many sources to look at for what it really means to love someone. Because his parents certainly aren’t the answer. And everything else would be at a distant. Also, again because he has so little and because of those fears of losing her, he is slightly possessive about that. He sees James as a threat.

And he’s having to find some way to fit in when it comes to Slytherin. And he finds that with potions. A particularly difficult class, but he didn’t struggle. And he was quite adept at defensive magic as well as dark magic, thus starting to give him value to his peers. And he of course starts to fall into the classic “bullies are often people bullied themselves.” He starts to partake in bullying the muggleborns, using the word, mudblood, etc. just to fit in amongst his own peers. And Severus is not stupid. He’s also not blind (well, in some ways he is). He is bound to see that pureblood rhetoric against muggleborns is bullshit. His issues lies with muggles themselves more so. And still a lot of wizards. At this point in his life, he’s become bitter, quick to anger and defense. Anyone who does him the slightest wrong is against him. He’s learned not to really forgive. 

So let’s talk about the event. Snape’s worst memory. Where James is tormenting Severus, yet again. When Lily comes to his defense, and James tried to blackmail Lily into a date by using tormenting Severus, in a moment of weakness he lashed out at her. He used the term mudblood in regards to her. (And was then publically humiliated and shamed for it by James and the group). 

Yes. He waited in the hallway all night for her outside the Dormitory. To apologize. Regardless of anything, he did not want to hurt her. So he apologized. And when she rejected him (Which i think had less to do with him using the word against her and rather the fact that there had been a rift growing for years and this was just he last straw). But he accepted that. I think he knew their friendship was over and had been for quite some time. He left her alone, and thus was completely intergrated into Slytherin and those who were molding him and shaping him.

Now. Just because they stopped being friends, doesn’t mean the caring stopped. They had their childhood memories they formed together. Severus was always going to have those feelings for Lily. It does not make it obsession. And I think of it like this.

I have a friend, who was more the Snape to my Lily. She was kind of an awful person, awful friend, and there came a point we cut each other out. (I’m not saying i’m entirely innocent in the destruction of that friendship. But I do view her actions as far more Severus’s toxic side than my own. But that’s besides the point). I did not stop caring about her altogether. Especially not immediately. Especially not right out of school. I still think of our friendship often. I think that if she came to me needing something, I would likely help her, even if I have a feeling she wouldn’t do the same for me. 

So that is what I view Severus’s feelings towards Lily. Except stronger. Because Lily was the only light in his life. She was the only good thing. The only positive influence he really had. Adults were never on his side. His peers were rarely on his side. So losing Lily, he clung to what little he had. The death eaters who took him in under their wings over the years. Those who were promising him power and control, something he rarely had in his life. 

But that care is what got him. He heard that part of the prophecy, and of course he kept track of his friend. Wizarding circles are small anyway. It probably spread without intent. He was scared for her. So he did his job, reporting the prophecy. But begged for her life. In his fear he didn’t think about James. The man that ruined his life and tormented him every chance he got. And he didn’t think about her child, not born yet. Because his reactions were emotional in knowing that Lily’s life was in danger. 

So he went to Dumbledore to have her protected. And yes. Then her family was brought to his attention. And he did not hesitate to agree to keep them safe too. Listen. If Snape really wanted Lily for himself. If he really didn’t care about her at all, it would have been a fight to protect, at the very least, James. He would have argued against it. He instantly agreed because someone reached to the logic in him. And he agreed to risk his life to be Dumbledore’s spy. He signed on to do that for the rest of his life. He signed on to do whatever it took to protect Lily and her Family. So when it was just Harry left, he did everything he could. (that doesn’t mean he went about it right. But he did do his best to protect Harry). Until his very last breath. If it was just about Lily, he would have stopped the moment she died. 

None of this was about sleeping with her. None of this was about winning her over or having her. He accepted that he fucked those things up. He accepted he had no place in her life. This was about making up for his mistakes. Or at least, trying to feel like he could. I don’t think even if he lived to see Harry win and everything, that he would think he had. But he certainly seemed to be trying to show he knew he was wrong, and trying to do the right thing. Total change was never possible for Severus. But the fact that he was even able to admit he was wrong in joining Voldemort and turn to the right side, is a massive step for him.

[ink-splotch]

Hey, I found a gorgeous fic you wrote on Pinterest about Petunia Dursley taking Harry in and wanted to say that it is GORGEOUS and you are SO TALENTED. I also wanted to send you the link so you could read the comments, but unfortunately you aren't allowed to send links in asks. But anyway, you're amazing!

Thank you! I love that piece a lot-- I didn’t expect to when I started writing it, but I did by the time I was done. It’s also on Ao3, if you want to see it and its sibling pieces in their home archive :). 

the family evans: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3073562 

If you liked that one, you might also like some of its siblings, which all live in this series: https://archiveofourown.org/series/285498

the family potter (in which Petunia and Vernon, not James and Lily, die and it’s the potters who raise Dudley and Harry)

yer a wizard, dudley (exactly what it says on the tin)

a life of smoke and silvered glass (Severus Snape apologizes to Lily in fifth year, and tries to suck less. Not a lot changes, except also everything changes)

the last son (Ron, not Harry, is the Chosen One -- alternative title: “seven little weasley orphans”)

[llendrinall]

I got a prompt idea. What if Severus was Harry's biological father? And he somehow finds out in Harry's first year and actually decided to do something about it and tells him and then they have this Gaint secret going for YEARS until the end of the war. Could you write them from 1st year to the end of the war where Harry is sitting at the bedside of Severus' bed and looks at his friends and goes "Because he's my Biological Father"?

There is a very obvious wat the story would go and it wouldn’t be nice. Severus finds out, he tells Harry, but somehow they are still locked in a cycle of trying to break away from Hogwarts and the Dursleys but never being able to. There is always something else more important and urgent that stops Severus from revealing the truth and claiming Harry’s guardianship. So things are pretty much the same. They learn to trust each other but they never get to really know each other, let alone like or love each other. At the end, when the time of the big battle comes, Severus sacrifices himself to give Harry a chance and Harry will mourn him briefly, because there is no time for tears during a battle; or maybe Severus will hang on to life long enough to see Harry alive and learn that Voldemort is dead before succumbing to his own wounds. He will have done his part, he will have saved Harry, but somehow Harry will be even more of an orphan by the end of the war.

This is how it should go. The easy way, the big obvious path for the story to take.

Except… How comes Severus is Harry’s father? How did that happen?

I don’t think he and Lily were having an affair or even a relationship. At most, it was the beginning of one. Seven good conversations, three dates that they didn’t call dates, two kisses and a one-night stand that served as a locking point. A night together that was a farewell for Snape, about to infiltrate the inner circle of the Dark Lord, and a promise that they would pick things up again after the war and see where they lead them.

They were so innocent, so stupid.

Snape was risking a lot acting as a spy, so he only made contact sporadically with Alice Longbottom and Albus Dumbledore. Lily was working together with James in muggle protection operations and neither of them bothered correcting people’s assumptions about them because their supposed marriage offered them a good cover story.

Lily wanted to tell Severus about the baby, but she had no way to contact him and wasn’t about to risk his cover. She thought she could wait. The war wouldn’t last, they would win, and she would tell Severus everything. In the meantime, James was happy to give Lily’s kid his surname to avoid unwanted questions. They couldn’t risk the Dark Lord suspecting he had a traitor near him and Lily was his friend.

And Severus… he heard about Lily marrying and having a baby and he was hurt and betrayed but he understood because James had always been a charmer and James was there when Severus was not. It was asking too much, to wait for someone who wasn’t there, wait for a may be.

The war ends. Harry is the Boy Who Lived. Severus spends the next decade grieving and not doing very well with all the trauma from the war and being undercover. He can’t believe how much time has passed when he sees Lily’s soon walk into Hogwarts. It feels as if it was just yesterday when Severus was a student.

Severus discovers the truth by accident and it takes three months for him to begin to understand. Harry has a slight reaction to fairy dust when he touches it during Potions class. Nothing too bad, Severus himself has a similar reaction and doesn’t usually bother using the pure silver alternative. It’s just a reddening of the skin, very common in northern wizarding families like the Childermass and the Princes. Lily didn’t have it and neither did Potter (or the Blacks or the Malfoys, but Severus has seen it in the Diggorys funnily enough). Harry has it and so does Severus and for the next three months Severus keep noticing an increasing number of odd similarities and funny coincidences and keeps dismissing them as such until a week before Christmas when Harry, absolutely apropos of nothing, looks at Draco Malfoy and says “the way you keep mentioning your father, I’m glad to be an orphan.” Severus knows then. He might take five points from Gryffindor and tell Harry he is an arrogant bully like his father, but what he means is “James Potter never got the hand of aggressive self-deprecating humor. I can’t deny it anymore, you are my son.”

Severus goes through a period of shock, acceptance, shock again, grief and, finally, worry which is the default state of parenthood.

He tells Harry the truth just before summer break. He does a pretty good job, all things considered. He is unnaturally stiff, accidentally implies that he doesn’t want Harry when he says that he, of course, will keep living with his family (Severus thought that’s what Harry would prefer! He lived with them from the age of one, he must love them! How was he to know?) and looks very pained by the whole ordeal.

Harry, being Harry, and just coming from a very unsatisfying conversation with Dumbledore, asks Severus why did Voldemort try to kill him when he was merely a baby and of course Severus tells him everything. He is new at this parenthood thing and didn’t know you are supposed to shield children from distasteful truths. He tells Harry all: the prophecy, the choice the Dark Lord made, Sirius’ betrayal. Everything. Harry cries and Severus has no idea what to do, but manages to do all right. There is a stiff hug and a handkerchief.

Harry’s second year of school is spent with Severus taking points from Gryffindor (“Even if you were the Heir of Slytherin, inbreeding is nothing to brag about, Malfoy” says Harry, costing Gryffidnor 20 points) and desperately trying to convince Harry that there is nothing wrong with him being a parselmouth or hearing voices in the walls. Harry is equally desperate to convince Severus to please take him from the Dursleys he will even apologize to Malfoy if he has to.

Harry wins and Severus goes to Dumbledore to reveal the truth and ask that Harry’s guardianship is transferred to him. Dumbledore gives and hour-long impromptu speech about how that’s a very bad idea and how Severus is most likely mistaken about Harry’s parentage and is being deceived by his affection towards Lily. However, just yesterday Severus was explaining in class that Longbottom’s current mistake was perfectly innocuous despite all the whistling and colourful sparks and Harry whispered “this is otherwise known as a Lockhart” so at this point Severus doesn’t care about blood. Harry is his.

(No, seriously, he lost control of the class for ten minutes and afterwards he didn’t even take points from Gryffindor).

Severus is resolved to go over Dumbledore and get Harry from the Dursleys. He realizes it will be difficult with his Death Eater past, but he will do it. The wizarding world is ridiculously biased towards blood relations, he has a good chance.

So of course that’s when freaking Sirius Black breaks out of Azkaban.  

They don’t have a close relationship, Harry and he. Severus doesn’t kid himself, Harry only asked him to take him in because life with Petunia is miserable. Harry doesn’t even like Severus. However, it seems that Severus has managed to earn Harry’s respect and even his trust. Not only Harry, but his little group of friends seem to be thawing towards Severus.

To be fair, it is not by any virtue or merit on Severus’ part, but rather the failings of everyone else. You see, no one, (Severus can’t stress this enough) no one has told Harry the truth about Sirius Black. Harry and his friends have even made a little game of it and by the time Harry returns to Hogwarts Severus is informed that only Arthur and Percival Weasley passed the test. Out of over thirty adults they have asked, only two told Harry something close to the truth. Severus is surprised that Percival talked, but apparently the poor boy has been very stressed with the incoming NEWTS and takes every opportunity to quiz his knowledge so it could be said he was tricked.

Still, Harry appreciates that Severus doesn’t lie or patronize him. The bar is abysmally low, but Severus will take it. He is already doing much better that his own father.

He spends the year tutoring Harry in everything that may be useful for his continuing survival and antagonizing Lupin. Unfortunately, Severus doesn’t have much time to prepare his case for Harry’s guardianship and he briefly considers offering the task to Granger or Weasley (Percival, not Ronald) for extra credit, but he thinks better of it.

The end of the year is…weird. There is relief, shock, fear and regret, quite a lot of regret. Severus should have ignored the threat and worked on asserting Harry’s parentage. There will always be another threat coming, he should just take Harry now.

He is proved right just a few months later when Harry is entered in the Triwizard tournament. To make things worse, the mark is itching in his forearm and Karkaroff is extremely tetchy.

And here it is, the moment where Severus Snape refuses to repeat the cycle, the moment when he avoids making the same mistake.

Severus goes to the cave in Hogsmeade and tells Sirius the truth. Never again he will assume that people know or that there will be time to talk. If only he had tried to contact Lily, if he had merely written to congratulate her about her marriage even if he said nothing else, Severus is sure she would have found the way to tell him. So, for her sake if nothing else, this time he is not keeping the truth to himself. He realizes that by telling Sirius he might be robbing Harry of an ally, but if Sirius decides he does not want anything to do with Harry because he is not James’ son, so be it. Severus would rather know now than a few months down the line when they inevitably have an emergency.

Sirius is surprised, retroactively hurt that James didn’t tell him anything and very offended at the idea that he would stop being Harry’s godfather simply because his biological dad is a git. If anything, it’s all the more reason to give the kid some positive influence. Plus, he is still Lily’s son and Lily was Sirius’ friend too.  

Severus and Sirius argue quite a bit over who exactly can be considered a good influence. They exchange insults, point each other’s flaws, and, in general, act worryingly immaturely. However, something good emerges from this fight, because during the many reproaches and accusations it becomes evident that Sirius believes that Severus refused to testify on Sirius’ behalf before the Minister, something that is untrue.

“I… what?” Severus says. “What did you say?”

“You heard me!”

“No, but, Black. If I didn’t speak it was because Dumbledore insisted that the Ministry wouldn’t listen to an ex-Death Eater. I was going to tell Fudge everything!”

“…Harry said you were mad you lost your Order of Merlin…”

“Wha-? I don’t care about the stupid order. You are innocent! Do you think me so petty that I would send an innocent man back to Azkaban?”

“I…”

Snape is so glad he decided to have this talk. They had been fighting for two hours, he is thirsty and has a tension headache, but the relief he feels in immense. The misunderstanding could have proved fatal. They spend the rest of the day airing everything: revealing Lupin’s lycanthropy to kickstart the curse on the DADA position rather than waiting for Lupin to have an accident, Sirius apologizing about the admittedly mental prank, promising that they will both disappoint Harry but they won’t spare Pettigrew’s life. It takes a lot of time, but it’s good. There is so much to discuss they don’t even talk about how exactly the misunderstanding about Severus testifying for Sirius came to be. Not until their third meeting at least.  

Harry enters the maze for the third trial at the end of the year and between one dark corner and a blind spot, he vanishes. Although maybe he wasn’t Harry at all. Maybe it was a Polyjuiced Sirius who then proceeded to transform into a dog and pretend he was one of the monsters in the maze. Maybe Harry had quietly left under Polyjuice a few hours earlier and is currently boarding the train in Hogsmeade with Lupin.

Of course, as soon as they realize that one of the Champions is missing they stop everything to look for him. Karkaroff complains, Diggory threatens to withdraw that instant, Delacour casts a surreptitious hex or two because she is still very angry about the second task and using her little sister, and in the ensuing chaos Professor Moody’s Polyjuice wears off and he is revealed as Barty Crouch Jr, formed Death Eater presumed deceased, so Severus feels pretty well with his plan to just take Harry away and worry about legal guardianship later.

Also, since the press is there he takes the opportunity to openly declare that Sirius Black is an innocent man, perfectly innocent, Pettigrew is the one to look for.

Merely eight weeks later the mark on Severus’ arm burns. Voldemort is back and looking pretty well considering he was dead. Severus is asked about his arduous defense of Sirius’ innocence in the newspapers, and he quite reasonably explains that he couldn’t risk any loyalist mistakenly helping Sirius and there was no other way to let people know Pettigrew needed help instead. It is flawless logic and Voldemort approves, so Pettigrew doesn’t dare say anything about the absolutely murderous glint he had seen in Severus’ eye back when everything was revealed. Pettigrew understand that if says anything about it, Severus will make sure to kill him gruesomely before Voldemort can do anything else about Severus being a spy.

The Ministry of course refuses to believe Voldemort is back. He also refuses to believe in Sirius’ innocence and is convinced that it is some weird ploy on Dumbledore’s part. The press attacks Severus non-stop, it’s sickening. Umbridge comes to Hogwarts and is absolutely horrid, as expected, and the moment she has enough power she fires Snape. Not even Malfoy can do anything to avoid it.

Snape disappears. It hadn’t occurred to anyone that maybe he was waiting for the opportunity to leave Hogwarts without arising immediate suspicion. He is nowhere to be found and now that they think about it neither is professor Lupin.

And they are never seen again.

People know they must be around because it’s very obvious they intervene in the war. Sirius kills Voldemort in a very public way. But, other than that, they are not officially seen which drives many people crazy.

Harry keeps in touch with his friends, he is Ron’s best man in his wedding, he is there to clap and support Neville when he gets a doctorate in Herbology, helps build Luna’s cottage, and yet he is never seen by a Ministry official or a proper adult ever again. (Never mind that Harry and his friends are all adults now, they are not adults like real Moody or professor McGonagall are). It is most infuriating, which is the reason why Harry keeps doing it well into his thirties, when he is elected to the House of Wands and becomes an Honorable MP, so he has to let himself be seen then.

They (the wizarding society) realise their mistake about a week later. The Honourable Member Harry James Potter (never bothered to change his surname) is very much Severus Snape’ son and has spent a lot of time around Sirius Black. He is an absolute nightmare for the chamber: witty and insulting and all around absolutely brilliant and exasperating. The press loves him. A year in, there is already a small book published with “The Best MP Potter’s quotes”.

[mahsamarauder]

Doubts and Fears

Sirius walked into the common room looking more depressed than ever. It was Christmas and everyone had already had plans to go home. He hadn’t told anyone what he had done three days before school started. James, Remus and Peter were all going home. He was the only one staying, well him and Lily Evans. Marlene and Alice were both going home, in Alice’s case, Frank Longbottom’s home.

He slowly walked in and saw Lily sitting by the fire. He slowly sat next to her. She was lost in her thoughts.

“Lily?” She didn’t even move. “LILY!”

“Huh? What?? Hey Sirius!”

“Were you thinking about we both know who?”

“No!”

“So you do know who I’m talking about.” He smirked

“N— yes I know who you’re talking about. Happy?”

“Very.” He grinned. “What’s troubling you flower?”

“Don’t call me that.” She punched his shoulder.

“Apologies.” He rolled his eyes.

“Petunia sent a letter telling me since I’m not going home this Christmas, she is having an engagement party. She says if I go I’ll ruin it.”

Tears slowly left her green beautiful eyes.

“Come on. Take my hand. I’m taking you somewhere special.” He extended his hand and stood up.

“Won’t James kill you???”

“I couldn’t care less at this moment.”

“Wow. You put me above James! I’m honored.” She took his hand and got up.

He ran towards the astronomy tower and Lily ran behind him laughing at his childishness. The moment they got to the top he put his hands on her eyes and guided her to the ledge and helped her sit down. He took his hands off her eyes and she was dumbstruck. The grounds were covered in snow and the snow was shining under the moonlight. It was like the grounds had been made of whity shiny titles that looked fluffy and silky.

“How did—Wow. How did you find this place???”

“I’ve had many lonely nights Lily flower.” He sat next to her.

“It’s enchanting isn’t it? Makes you forget your troubles for a moment doesn’t it??” His eyes were now glossy. Lily looked at his face carefully.

“Lonely night? Troubles?? Glossy eyes?? What’s going on love???” She took his hand in her and squeezed it, trying to tell him it’s ok to share.

“I—I ran away from home Lily. I have no family now. I’m all alone now.” His tears were fast. They quickly covered his face.

“Now that’s a lie.” She said. As if stating the obvious.

“Wha—What???” He looked more fragile now that his tears were running down his face. She slowly got her hand out of his and touched his face and dried the tears with her thumb. She smiled at him.

“You are not alone, never. You haven’t been alone since you were 11 Sirius. And you have a family. What do you call James then?? A friend?? A best friend?? I don’t think any word in the English language can explain what you two are except one word. And that word is brothers. But that’s not why you’re scared is it?”

She shook her head and smiled sadly at his confused face.

“No you’re afraid of him rejecting you. You’re afraid you’ll tell him and you won’t be offered a home. You’re afraid that this brotherhood means much more to you than him, that it’s just words to him.”

His tears ran down his face again but Lily didn’t dry them this time. She slowly put her head on his shoulder and looked at the view. How?? How was it possible that no one but Lily Evans could see right through his soul?? How was it possible that she could guess the deepest and biggest fear of his life by just looking at him??

“Ye—“ he couldn’t even say the word. It felt awful to admit.

Without moving, Lily started whispering.

“You know, talking about how you feel doesn’t make it real. Admitting how you feel is not betraying him.”

“Yes.” He said very quietly as his voice shook.

“Tell me. Tell me all about it.”

“He—He always says that I’m always welcome at the Potter’s but what if he’s just saying it??? What if he’s JUST saying it when he says that his parents love me??? What if he doesn’t mean it???”

He couldn’t stop now. The words running out of his mouth before he could think about them or stop them.

“What if they ARE just WORDS to him?? He has it all doesn’t he?? He has loving parents, a very good group of friends,he is popular in the entire school minus the Slytherins who don’t matter, he’s captain of the house team and he is good looking. The only things he doesn’t have are siblings and you. Why would he even care?? He doesn’t even understand my situation!” He said bitterly. He had never admitted this before. That he was a tiny bit jealous of James, that he was afraid that James never meant a word of what he said, that he was terrified that James actually didn’t care and was just pretending. James was the first person Sirius loved. What if it was all just a way to pass the time at school to him???

Lily listened silently. After a minute, when she noticed that his breathing was even again, she started talking.

“Sirius. You’re just a little bit scared. Of course he loves you. He would die for you gladly without a second thought, you know that. He’s your brother. And brothers die for each other. Brothers save each other when the other needs it. He would sacrifice everything he’s got for you. No one is that close to him but you. He’ll trust you with his life if he has to.”

He looked at her. “How do you know that?? You don’t even talk to him Lils.”

“Because anyone with eyes can see that!” She exclaimed. “Everyone in this bloody school knows how he feels about you.”

“I know that. I know all of that. I’m just scared of losing it, losing him.”

“Well do you know what that means?? You know why you’re scared don’t you?” She looked at him and smiled very brightly at him. She squeezed his hand. He shook his head, confused.

“You’re scared because you already have him.” She kissed his cheek. “Go to tell him. Tell him you ran away. You can kick me if he doesn’t care.” They both chuckled.

“But if I tell him, he’ll take me home with him.”

“I thought that was the goal.” She smiled at him slyly.

“If I do you’ll be alone this Christmas Lils.”

“I’ll be happier if you go with him, now go tell him.”

She got up and helped him get as well. Then she started pushing him towards the door.

Sirius arrived at their dorm to see James lying carelessly on his bed without his shirt on.

“You’ll catch a cold you know.”

“Yeah I was at practice and it was too hot. I’m cooling down.”

“Hey James, listen, I umm how do I say this. I uhh…”

“You ran away from home.”

“Yeah I did. Wait what?? How do you know??”

“Regulus. He came to me the other day asking me to take care of you because you had run away from home.” James said.

“You aren’t mad that I didn’t tell you??? You know, because of the “no secrets” pact.”

“No. I knew you’d tell when you’re ready.”!He left his lying position and sat.

“When did he tell you??”

“Three days after we came back.”

“You’ve known for four months??”

“Yep.”

“Does anyone else know??”

“Nope.”

“Prongs can I—“

“You can stay with me you know.”

“What???”

“You can stay with us, me, mom and dad. We would love to have you. I mean they love you more than me already.”

“Prongs are you—are you sure??”

“Padfoot. That’s what brothers are for right?”

The moment James said brothers, Sirius’ whole body relaxed and he let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. James noticed, of course but didn’t say anything. He just grinned at his best mate, his brother to be exact.

“Yeah, yeah that’s what brothers are for.” Sirius nervously smiled, which again did not go unnoticed.

Five seconds passed before James opened his mouth again.

“Why made you realize that you should tell me???”

“A friend. She said I should tell you.”

“A friend???” James asked with his eyebrows shot up.

“He’ll trust you with his life if he has to” Lily’s words rang in Sirius’ ear.

“Yeah a friend. Lily. She told me it was best to tell you instead of being scared that you’ll reject me or that you were bluffing when you said I was always welcome.”

“Lily made you realize that???!!!” James shot up from the bed and stood on his feet.

“Yeah it might not look like it Prongs, but she has a lot of faith in you.”

James slowly smiled and fell on his bed again. After a minute of thinking he wore a T-shirt and ushered for Sirius to follow him.

“Come on, Padfoot. We have to tell Minnie that you’re not staying for the holidays.” And with that they left the dormitory.

Little did Sirius know that James had the map and knew that him and Lily were in the astronomy tower before he came to James. And little did he know that James never doubted him and knew Sirius would tell the truth. In the end James got what Sirius said he didn’t have, a sibling and Lily and in the end he trusted Sirius with his life, and not only his own life but the life of his wife and son as well, in the end, he knew the best person to take care of his boy was Sirius. Yes, James Potter did many things in his life, he bullied Severus Snape, he gloated about himself a lot, he talked the ear off of his friends about Lily Evans, he hexed people for fun sometimes, but he never doubted Sirius Black, and as took his last breath he knew his son was in good hands

If I was dying on my knees

You would be the one to rescue me

And if you were drowned at sea

I’d give you my lungs so you could breath

I've got you brother-er-er-er

I've got you brother-er-er-er

I've got you brother-er-er-er

I've got you brother-er-er-er

And if we hit on troubled water

I'll be the one to keep you warm and safe

And we'll be carrying each other

Until we say goodbye on our dying day

Because I've got you brother-er-er-er

Art credit: @alessiajontrunfio

Bonus Part: Lily

That Christmas was the only Christmas Lily Evans spent alone. Marlene and Alice had left because she didn’t tell them that she was staying. She kept cursing herself for not asking James if she could tag along. She sat down on the ledge of the astronomy tower and looked at the snow, covering the ground like a blanket and hugged herself as she whispered:

“There is always next year right?”

And felt sorry for herself for not telling the boy she liked or maybe even loved how she felt.

What kind of Gryffindor would be scared of rejection?

What kind of girl would doubt the boy she loved?

Lily suddenly realized that their love for James and their crappy family lives were not the only things that her and Sirius had in common.

It seemed that they shared the same fears and doubts as well.

They both feared being rejected by James.

And their doubts were both related to the same thing,

“What if it was all just words to him?”

[xweofmanyfaces]

@theacerbicprince

     It had been probably the most painful thing to ever happen to her, as dramatic as that sounded. The one person in life that she always knew for sure that she could count on was Severus, her sweet Severus. Severus had been her best friend in the entire world since before she ever even came to Hogwarts, the one person she could count on, the one person that didn’t think she was a freak. Everyone in their little village seemed to think that she was odd, that she didn’t quite fit in. But no one thought she was a bigger freak than her sister Petunia did. But Severus made all that go away, he made her feel normal but also special, he made her feel less lonely, like no matter what happened she would never be by herself. He was her Severus, her very best friend, and if she were honest with you, she thought perhaps one day when they grew up he would be much more than a friend. She had no idea if he felt the same, but if the events of the day had meant anything, the answer was no.

     Plenty of people had made fun of her for being muggle born before, had belittled her skills and her talents simply because of her blood status. But she really thought that the last person on the entire planet that would ever do that was Severus. Severus had always been her person, her safe place, the one person in the world that she could trust and rely on to never hurt her. How could he do this to her? How could he call her that? He had seen her cry plenty of times because people kept calling her that, had seen her diminish her own self-worth because of it, had seen her wonder if she was truly a good witch because of it. Of all the people in the entire world that would ever call her that, she never thought that Severus would call her a mudblood.

     She was heartbroken to say the least, who do you turn to when the person who usually comforts you is the one that hurt you? Who is supposed to mend your broken heart when the person that broke it is the one you willingly gave it to? She knew that Severus didn’t know how she felt, he never would’ve called her that if he did. But then again, with the people he’s been hanging around with and how strange he’s been acting, perhaps he didn’t know. And even if he didn’t know, that didn’t excuse it. He broke her heart, shattered the trust of years of friendship between them. All with a single word. How could he do this to her? Out of everyone in his life, she thought perhaps she was special to him. Had she been wrong? Did she mean so little to him?

     Lily lifted her head after Marlene came back, having left some minutes ago so that she could return a book on transfiguration to the library. “He still there,“ she said. Lily didn’t look up. “He’s been there all night, he didn’t even go to dinner I think. I’m sure he’s going to get in trouble, it’s almost curfew time and he doesn’t look as if he’s getting ready to go to the dungeons anytime soon,” Marlene said.

     “I don’t know what to do,“ she said honestly, feeling Marlene come to sit beside her, Alice getting up from the bed on the other side of her to sit behind her and run her fingers through her hair comfortingly. “He’s my best friend, he always has been, ever since we were little. He was the first one to think I wasn’t a freak because of magic, he was there for me even when my family wasn’t. It just…It’s never hurt this much when people made fun of me before,“ she said, looking down at her hand as Marlene took it in her own.

     “You deserve an apology,“ Alice said from behind her. “Even if you don’t forgive him, even if you’re not friends anymore, which I don’t think you should be, I’m not exactly fond of him,“ she said, though it didn’t surprise Lily. None of her other friends were fond of Severus, most no one in the school was. “But you deserve an apology. What he said to you was horrible. And obviously if he’s been sitting out there ever since he said it, even skipped dinner, then he’s trying to apologize. Even if you don’t forgive him, you still deserve the apology, especially with how heartbroken you’ve been all day,“ she said, moving to begin braiding Lily s hair, something she often did when the young girl was upset.

     “I’m not sure I can stop crying long enough,“ she said honestly, squeezing the hand that held her own.

     “I don’t think you should have to,“ Marlene said honestly. “He hurt you, he hurt you really bad. He deserves to see how upset you are. And it shouldn’t be any of your concern if you’re crying upsets him. It should upset him, he said something horrible to you. And Alice is right, even if you don’t forgive him, he should be sorry and you deserve an apology. Whether you send him away or you except him back into your life, and I agree with Alice on this one,“ she pointed out, also not very fond of him. “You’ll feel better once you face it. You’ll be stronger for it, it’ll help you. Plus, if you don’t deal with it now then you’re going to be distracted by all day tomorrow even more than you should have to be. Even if you’re upset tomorrow, you shouldn’t be left wondering what if or maybe. Go talk to him, say what you need to say and hear his apology. If you want to turn him away after that to do so, if you want to fix things to do so. Don’t leave them in the hall like that, not because of him but because of you. Because I know you Lily, and if you leave him out there you won’t sleep all night because you’ll be wondering if he is still there,“ she pointed out.

     Lily nodded her head, looking over her shoulder to smile at Alice who had just finished braiding her hair in a loose braid, then smiling sadly at Marlene. “Don’t wait up for me OK? I don’t know how long this conversation may take and there’s no reason all three of us should be exhausted tomorrow,“ she said. Lily wasn’t the type for calling in sick to class, not unless a teacher made her. And even heartbreak from her best friend, one who often felt like more than a friend, wouldn’t stop her from going to class bright and early tomorrow.

     The two girls nodded in understanding, moving back to their own respective beds as Lily put on her slippers and tied her robe around herself. She went down the stairs, several students filing up to bed from the common room, only a few older students there talking in small groups. Her cheeks were still wet with tears, her eyes bloodshot as they had been ever since the incident earlier that day. She stood on the other side of the door, wondering if the portrait had been harassing him for sitting there all day. She could do this, she was a Gryffindor, she was brave, if anyone could do this it was her. She had already torn into Potter and his friends for torturing Severus to the point that he was cruel to her, if she could handle that she could handle this. But if she were honest with herself, this hurt much more.

     She pushed the portrait door open, stepping out and turning to find him sitting on the ground, his hair hung around him like a dark curtain. She let the door close behind her, sniffling softly. “What are you doing out here?“

[souberbielle]

Lily Evans is Not a Bad Friend: A Closer Look at the Courtyard Scene

The courtyard conversation in The Prince’s Tale is not a scene I like. I hate the decision to set the Highly Amusing Murder Prank before the Snape’s Worst Memory incident, in my opinion shafting almost every participant’s character arc. I still hate that. That has not changed. But I also, and I am far from alone in this, hated what seemed to be Lily’s atrocious treatment of the boy she called her best friend, taking his bully’s word over his, and blowing off news that he nearly died. Except I’ve just examined it again, prompted by reading several essays and fanfictions based on that same interpretation, written by some of the snazziest people in the fandom – and I think we’re all wrong.

To come to that, from what I’ve seen, nearly universally-accepted conclusion, you have to assume that Lily and Severus have not previously spoken about the Prank, and that the version of events Lily heard came from James Potter. But neither assumption is warranted. 

I had previously assumed, as a lot of people do, that this conversation was the first one the friends had had about the Prank since it happened. That doesn’t really hold up, though. It’s been at least a day or two – Lily says it took place “the other night,” not “last night.” Still, it’s possible they haven’t gotten a chance to talk since then. However, if what Lily heard about “what happened the other night” is the first clue she’s gotten that anything happened that night, you’d think she would open the conversation by asking him about it. Instead, she only brings it up when Snape himself mentions the Marauders. It’s not unreasonable that she doesn’t ask if he’s okay or for his side of the story; she already knows he wasn’t hurt, and he’s had his chance to explain. Her reproachful “I heard what happened the other night” is more likely to mean “I found out about that thing you refused to tell me about” than “I just learned something awful happened to you.” 

Why wouldn’t Snape give her his own account? I don’t think he could.

In PoA, Lupin’s account of the Prank tells us that, following the incident, Snape was “forbidden by Dumbledore to tell anybody” about Lupin’s lycanthropy – and possibly about the Prank itself. This could mean that Snape simply made a promise and was expected to keep it or face punishment. Or it could refer to a magical gag order, perhaps something like the Tongue-Tying Curse put on Grimmauld Place by Moody to keep Snape from revealing its location. His incoherence later in the courtyard scene, attributed by the narration to his “bitterness and dislike” could potentially also be related to such a restriction.

If the only thing keeping Snape from telling anybody were his own honor, he would tell Lily. We know this because he is trying to tell Lily. Dropping heavy-handed hints about his werewolf theory is a clear violation of the spirit of Dumbledore’s injunction. If he could say, “Remus Lupin is a werewolf and he nearly killed me,” he would do it, so it seems he cannot. 

Now, about that theory…

Lily responds to Snape’s leading questions about Remus as though they’ve been down this road before and she’s sick of it. “I know your theory,” she says. Which is odd. If this established, well-known Werewolf Theory of Snape’s predates the Prank, why would he knowingly go down a tunnel to follow a werewolf who is about to transform? The whole point of the incident was that Sirius knew the danger he was sending Snape into, but Snape didn’t. So, either the theory Lily is talking about is something other than lycanthropy (unlikely) or it’s a very recent development. The Prank happened just “the other night,” but Lily is already weary enough of the topic to call Severus “obsessed.” It seems like Snape has been desperately trying to get around his gag order. He’s probably been answering all questions about “what happened the other night” with werewolf hints. In his mind, he’s trying to explain in the only way he can, but Lily would see it as an attempt to deflect and avoid her questions, the way he really is deflecting and avoiding her concerns about Avery and Mulciber.

 So, she gets the story from another source, one she apparently considers reliable enough that she presents their version to Severus as hard fact. Most people assume this story came from James Potter or his friends, either directly or through the gossip mill, and therefore criticize Lily for taking the word of the boy she calls “an arrogant toerag” over that of her best friend. But, again, that assumption doesn’t bear out.

 For one thing, are the Marauders really likely to circulate a version of events that includes the fact that there’s a “tunnel by the Whomping Willow” and something “down there” that could kill someone on a full moon night? Sure, Snape’s Worst Memory shows they can be cavalier about discussing secrets where they might be overheard, but they have just been reminded of the dangers of a breach of secrecy. Are they really going to spread around the existence of the Willow tunnel, when that’s exactly the information that nearly got Snape killed? Do they really want people to pay close attention to who and what goes in and out of that tunnel? And do they want to be caught by teachers sharing this secret after what just happened with Sirius?

  Additionally, Lily presents the information like it came from a trustworthy source. Considering her view of James Potter, she’s likely to give his accounts of his own accomplishments about the same credence as, say, Gilderoy Lockhart’s. If the tale came directly from him, she wouldn’t state it as unbiased fact. The same thing applies if she heard it through the grapevine. She would begin, “People are saying...” instead of “I heard what happened.”

 Even if she were gullible enough to just accept gossip as gospel, her actions suggest the story isn’t common knowledge. She “drop[s] her voice” before introducing this new subject. Why doesn’t she want to be overheard? It can’t be that she doesn’t want people to hear her upbraid Severus, because she’s been doing that the whole conversation. It must be the content she’s worried about, which means it isn’t a story that’s already circulating.

My guess is that she heard it from the faculty, most likely by eavesdropping on teachers’ private conversation, but possibly by asking Slughorn, who has been known to share behind-the-scenes Hogwarts info with his favorite students. Information from a teacher wouldn’t be inherently suspect the way student gossip or Potter’s boasting would, and the story fits with her interpretation of Severus’ behavior. Since she has no reason to think the Werewolf Theory has anything to do with the Tunnel Incident (because why wouldn’t Severus just say so?) it does look ungrateful of him to hide the fact that James saved his life by making up nasty rumors about his sickly friend. She didn’t mention it until Snape forced the issue himself by harping on Lupin, in the same way that she didn’t bring up Petunia’s letter to Dumbledore until Petunia insulted the world she’d been so eager to join. (The similarity of these incidents – she even lowers her voice both times – may be another indication that Lily found out both secrets by snooping.)

So, contrary to popular belief, Lily Evans is not being a bad best friend to Snape in this scene. She’s just fed up with him distracting her with Scooby-Doo mysteries when she’s trying to hold an intervention.

((It’s possible this is old news to the fandom. Apologies if that’s the case. But I’ve literally never once seen this interpretation anywhere, and I’ve read a lot of Snape and Lily fic and meta. People have varying views on whether Lily’s behavior is justified and whether it’s intentional on Rowling’s part, but I’ve always seen it presented as a given that she is condemning her best friend on the word of James Potter, without giving Severus a chance to defend himself. Until one hour ago, I believed that too. So, I’m sharing my revelation.))

[thesnapewecandreamof]

Petals are Bitter

700 Followers!!!

I honestly never thought I’d reach this number. I’m slowly running out of ideas but this is one I just can’t let go. Cliches exist for a reason after all. Anyway, I hope you people like this! Let’s all love the Sneep with all his flaws!

- After the disaster where he was hung upside-down in the air and humiliated, after his attempts at apologies were rejected, after exchanging hexes and curses with Potter and Black, after all that, Severus thought nothing could get worse.

- Before they left Hogwarts, he developed a cough that would just not go away. He ignored it when he returned home. What he couldn’t ignore was the petals in his hands after a horrible coughing fit.

- He dismissed it as some prank or after-effect of a curse sent to him courtesy of the Marauders. But it didn’t go away. 

-During the holiday he got to thinking.

- He thought of the friendship he and Lily had that was ruined with a single word. He felt angry, confused, betrayed, because all it took was one word for her to leave him.  The burst of pink and red flowers in his hands made him angrier.

- He thought of how naive he was, thinking that Hogwarts would be a place where he could finally be someone else, someone better, someone who is finally good for something. He shook his head and if he could get a time-turner, he’d smack his younger self himself just to the foolish boy wouldn’t expect Hogwarts to protect him. Such is the stupidity and folly of youth. He could have sworn he saw these flowers in Mrs Evans’ garden and how she worries about them during winter.

- The flowers he coughs out changes depending on what he is feeling but he hasn’t been able to go to the library to check their meanings yet. He’s not sure if he want to know to be honest but the potential to tweak this spell is a constant itch in his mind.

- He runs into Lily in their- the park. It was just the park now. There was a coldness in her eyes that seemed artificial to him. Lily was never cold. She was hot-tempered, warm, and giving light to all those around her. But she was cold to him now, and it was his fault. It was always his fault. Despite all the self-loathing he has inside him, he can’t stop the feeling of betrayal in his chest as he ran away as fast as he could, coughing red petals away and wanting nothing more than to be her friend again.

- The coughing was getting worse. And he decided to just try his almost non-existent luck and he left a note for her in her house to meet him at the park that day. He waited from early dawn until it was sunset. She almost didn’t show and his coughing was already worsening. When she did show, he wanted to be angry but he just felt grateful that she didn’t burn his note the moment she saw it.

- They sat beside each other on the swing like they always did but Lily faced the setting sun while Severus watched as their shadows grew longer and longer. They talked and Severus questioned why Potter and Black got a pass for all what they did. If a slytherin was to do half the things they did, the poor snake would already be back on the train home that very night.

- Lily questioned his choices in his friends, how blood purity is so important to those of pure blood status in slytherin, how they think muggleborns such as her was beneath them. Severus was a half-blood, did he hate his muggle side so much that he’d side with those willing to kill his lesser half?

- They got to talk about that day. How Severus saw her smiling and wanted to hurt her as much as she hurt him. How he was sorry. How sorry wasn’t really enough.

- That night Severus got to thinking. He remembered how the slytherins were okay when they were in the common room, similar to how Lily defended the perfect four.

- Mulciber can hardly pass astronomy, Avery could talk every one in circles with herbology, Rosier needed help with Potions but was great at Transfiguration. Regulus Black did a great impersonation of his brother and Carrow did an eerily accurate McGonagall. Those people wouldn’t last a week as Death Eaters. Surely they didn’t seem like murderers. Surely Severus didn’t look like a murderer.

- Except Lily said that were on their way already.

- It wasn’t the last of their little meetings. They always met at sunset and they always faced different directions, never really looking at each other, almost like having a confession in church. Except it didn’t have forgiveness at the end. Not yet.

- They discussed many things, from house politics, to blood prejudice, to school bullying, to back then, back to simpler times. 

- According to Lily, Petunia helped her. Petunia was wondering where he was and if he was finally killed by the bullies he kept on moaning about at their house. Lily did not take it well and Petunia set her straight. Severus was horrified and for the first time in their talks, they laughed together.

-She asked him the extent of the bullying because heaven knows he kept many things from her. He slowly shared a few pieces, just a few, because after everything, he trusted the good in Lily. He trusted that she would not use it against him.

- She confessed about thinking that she wasn’t really a good friend to him lately. How she always jumped to conclusions, how being with him was sometimes like a chore. And it hurt to hear it so open like that but Severus appreciated the truth. He confessed that during one of their minor fights, the slytherins seemed warmer to him and retreated back to their indifference once they made up. 

- They tried to understand each other’s sides. Their talks continued. But then the coughs were getting worse and Lily almost saw the petals falling from his hands. He was quick to run away.

- The morning he saw flecks of blood on the petals, he was sure it wasn’t a timed curse. Potter and Black did not have the cunning to use such a deceiving curse. They were like fireworks, destructive, loud, and always for an audience.

- They can’t afford a trip to St. Mungo’s so Severus made a  point to visit the local library sometime soon. Muggle legends and folktales were often tied to wizarding history. There has to be something connected to what he is suffering.

- They were close to coming to an understanding. Lily was getting worried at the coughs Severus suffers from. She finally cracked and stood from her seat as Severus was having a horrible coughing fit. She crouched in front of him, asking him if he was alright. He paled visibly and she was alarmed at what she saw.

- Severus stared at his hand before raising his terrified eyes at her. This was the flower he would never forget the meaning of. 

- There were lilies in his hands. They were splattered with his blood.

Note beneath the cut:

Alright. I have been obsessed with this concept for months now! Frankly, the lack of work concerning Severus and the Hanahaki disease is a crime! I just want a cliche of angst! I have a draft for the fic based on this already but capturing young Snape and Lily’s personalities is haard. I have emotions, why can’t I describe them properly!?!? Also, I’m trying a slightly naive but cynical Sev, it’s not working well.

I’m just writing it for the funzies and I’m not sure if it would see the light of day anytime soon. I was planning on multiple parts with multiple flowers representing different things but I’m lazy so I’m currently stuck. Also, not really saying what the flowers mean here seemed a bit better.

 I do have a list of flowers to do but we’ll see once I gather the will to go on. Hope you liked it though.

[aroacehogwarts]

Housekeeping Update - Character Submission

We hope everyone’s May is treating them well! With this new month, we have an update to our submission rules. For a while now, the current rules have included:

- Villain headcanons are okay, but please do not imply that aro/ace people can’t love or villainize any aro/ace identity. - Do not submit villain headcanons for villains who are not humanized in the books/movies unless you are going to put forth the effort in your submission to humanize them and make them relatable. - Do not submit headcanons with friendly platonic/romantic/sexual relationships between bullies and their victims unless you are going to put forth the effort in your submission to explain how the relationship went from violent to healthy.

Rule in bold is our focus today.

We thank everyone for understanding these rules and helping to abide by them. After having these rules for a while, mods have been discussing, and we realize that we were rather vague in making these. After discussing what mods are comfortable with, we are updating our rules to include a clear list of characters we are referring to. As such, the updated rule will be as such:

- Villain headcanons are okay, but please do not imply that aro/ace people can’t love or villainize any aro/ace identity. - Do not submit villain headcanons for villains who are not humanized in the books/movies unless you are going to put forth the effort in your submission to humanize them and make them relatable. For a list of villains (which may be updated if/when we are made aware of any oversights), please look below the ask and submit box. - Do not submit headcanons with friendly platonic/romantic/sexual relationships between bullies and their victims unless you are going to put forth the effort in your submission to explain how the relationship went from violent to healthy.

List of villains, in alphabetical order by last name:

Vincent Crabbe

Marge Dursley

Petunia Dursley

Vernon Dursley

Marcus Flint

Gregory Goyle

Fenrir Greyback

Gellart Grindelwald

Bellatrix Lestrange

Lucius Malfoy

Narcissa Malfoy

Pansy Parkinson

Peter Pettigrew

Piers Polkiss

Merope Riddle nee Gaunt

Severus Snape

Dolores Umbridge 

Death Eaters and their Lord in general (exception being Draco Malfoy who was explicitly given a canon redemption)

Please note that this is not a ban on submitting these characters. It simply means that submitting one of these characters with a sexuality/simple scenario and nothing else will result in your submission being deleted. If you want to submit one of these characters, the burden of humanizing and making them sympathetic will lie with the submitter, not the mods. (Please also note that humanizing and making a villain sympathetic does not mean giving them a sad backstory. It means having them make amends for past behavior and be committed to doing better throughout the rest of their life.)

We apologize if this update upsets you and will be sad to see you go. However, there are tons of blogs out there accepting of, committed to, and excited for headcanons for these characters. For our own sake and the sake of followers who need a safer space from romanticizing these characters, however, we do stand behind our decision.

Thanks, -The AroAceHogwarts Mod Team

[ao3feed-snape]

Power, Politics, and Friends, oh my!

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/3jQHYgw

by ahoeinplainsight

Harry twirls the pan in his hands, grinning almost evilly, and says slowly, “These actually hurt quite a bit. I would know. Would you like to find out just how much, Aunt Petunia?”

Harry finds out about his strange power at a young age and happily uses it to his advantage.

Words: 1342, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M

Characters: Harry Potter, Vernon Dursley, Dudley Dursley, Petunia Evans Dursley, Rubeus Hagrid, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Minerva McGonagall, Blaise Zabini, Marcus Flint, Severus Snape, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, Theodore Nott, Neville Longbottom, Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, Pansy Parkinson, Parvati Patil, Quirinus Quirrell, Narcissa Black Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, Dobby (Harry Potter), Pansy Parkinson's father, Pansy Parkinson's mother, Albus Dumbledore, Poppy Pomfrey, Hedwig (Harry Potter), Ginny Weasley, Gilderoy Lockhart, Arthur Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Molly Weasley, Colin Creevey, Argus Filch, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Percy Weasley, Oliver Wood, Adrian Pucey, Diary Tom Riddle, Remus Lupin, Buckbeak (Harry Potter), Peeves (Harry Potter), Cassius Warrington, Filius Flitwick, Sirius Black, Crookshanks (Harry Potter), Peter Pettigrew, Minor Characters

Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Pansy Parkinson/Ginny Weasley, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Marcus Flint & Harry Potter

Additional Tags: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Canonical Child Abuse, except it's very much worse in this story, and i apologize, Dark Harry Potter, except he mellows out lmao, he very insane first and second year and then third year he's chilling, this was a serious fic but it turned into crack i don't-, half of it doesn't make sense but it's so much fun and so chaotic i love it, i'm mainly posting this to give myself peace of mind, but you can read it if you want to, Ron Weasley Being an Asshole, this does not ever stop, But He Gets Better, harry and him despise each other and then suddenly they don't, it's a thing, i don't know if this is basing?, because i hate dumbles and so does harry, but i can't tell if everything i do is very... bashy, so please tell me if it is so i can tag it, Insane Harry Potter, but not really, he's just very unhinged, but he has a lot of feelings :'), like i said he mellows out, also marcus and harry are bffs, the brotherly bond jumps out, they love each other and i love them, also, the political system is based on 'the left words' by authoresswithoutwords, giving credit where credit is due :), Harry and Pansy are BFFS, Slytherin Harry Potter, Slytherin Ginny Weasley, ginny and pansy are also bffs, harry and draco are in love but don't know it yet, pansy is so love with ginny and ginny is oblivious, molly is a meanie at first, everybody get better though, anybody who is an asshole in the beginning gets better i promise, except dumbles :/, and snape, snape bashing?, idk - Freeform, have fun :), oh and, Crack Treated Seriously, also also, i'm posting this with eighteen chapters prewritten, so feel free to start reading this but at some point, i might hit a point that i do not how to get past, i hope it doesn't happen, but it might, and this is your warning :)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3jQHYgw

[ink-splotch]

First line challenge!

RULES: List the first lines of the last ten stories you published. Look to see if there are any patterns that you notice yourself, and see if anyone else notices any! Then tag some friends.

This looked fun! Here we go ...

i dreamed of a day - Gamora, post Infinity War

You stand in a burning junkpile at the end of your best friend’s gun, and you hope he loves you enough to shoot.

the road not taken - Check Please what if - Kent goes to rehab and Jack goes to Vegas

Jack flies to Las Vegas in the window seat, Alicia beside him and Bob across the aisle.

guava, lime, and cactus - Sam Wilson, post CA:tWS, featuring Natasha, awkward stray cat of a friend

They had Sam turn the wings back in. 

to heed the voice of honor - Protector of the Small AU; Kel isn't allowed back for page training after her probationary year; she deals, as she deals with all things, by being stubborn as heck

Kel sat and thought about it all through the long summer-- thought about joining the Riders when she turned sixteen, or going back to the Yamani Isles with her parents, or running away to become an unlawful bandit hunter. 

a life of smoke and silvered glass - Harry Potter AU - young Severus Snape apologizes, tries harder, and stays friends with Lily - not much changes in the plot except I'm sadder now

When Severus was seven, he fell in love with the girl down the street. 

perfectly normal, thank you very much - Harry Potter AU - Petunia's the witch and Lily is the Muggle - but really nothing changes

When the letter arrives, Lily is almost as excited as Petunia. 

the family potter - Harry Potter AU - After Vernon and Petunia die in an automobile accident, the Potter's take in their infant nephew

Lily remembered her sister, how there had been a time she was curious and delighted about magic, before it slowly sank in that she could look and not touch.

baby birds and other adventures - Harry Potter AU - Hermione and Harry were friends before Hogwarts

The first time Harry Potter met Hermione Granger, she was standing with her chin up and her hands on her hips a few paces from the old olive tree in the schoolyard, glaring into the far distance. 

the brightest witch of her age - Harry Potter AU - Chosen One Hermione

When Hermione Jean Granger was one year old her parents died in a car crash. 

a moment in her life - self-indulgent fanfic of my own Alliance Trilogy - Lia/Marie/Dereck

There is a moment in Lia's life, which, if Marie was present for it, the wiry haired duchess would’ve dropped something precious and gaped. 

...

So I was going "hey hey you've got more diversity of source material here than I thought, I was expecting all Harry Potter..." And then I got a little further in and... Yeah, hi Harry.

Looks like I do a lot of "when..." to start fic-- it's nice to place things in time, I suppose. There's less as the list grows younger though, so maybe I'm growing out of it?

[genericpseudonyms]

The Fields of Summer

AN: Belated birthday gift for @mytypeismisunderstood for being a wonderful friend for the past decade. Holy fuck girl, we are old. I’m so sorry that I’m such a slowpoke writer.

Typos my own.

Summary: His past was bleeding into the present, just as his future was bleeding out of the gaping wound in his neck. And since memories were useless to a dead man, Snape plucked them out of his mind and gave them to The Boy Who Lived. He didn’t realize that in so doing, he’d forget her.

—

Dying was not at all like what Severus Snape had imagined.

He had hoped—perhaps naively, considering his lot in life—that he might die like Albus had: Clear-eyed, with minimal suffering. Here one minute, gone the next in a flash of green.

The last thing he had wanted was to linger.

Still, there were worse ways to go. There was no pain, despite the thick coppery tang of blood filling his mouth, and the horrible wheezing coming from his throat. An ironic benefit of Nagini’s poison. It had coursed through his veins like liquid fire until every inch of his skin flushed with fever. Then it had settled, turning his blood to lead as it pinned him to the rotting floorboards of the Shrieking Shack.

Forgive me.

Exactly whose forgiveness he was asking, Snape wasn’t entirely sure. No one. Everyone. One person in particular.

He remembered the grass tickling the soles of his bare feet. The sweet, heady scent of asphodel and wormwood in the fields behind his childhood home. The particles of dust waltzing through beams of sunlight filtering in through the library window. The way the light stained her skin gold as the smell of dusty tomes filled his nostrils. The feel of his stomach clenching at the sharp whistle of the Hogwarts Express. The agony of her cool hand cupped around his ear, her warm breath whispering secrets. The pleasant bubbling of a cauldron and the tightness in his chest when he first realized that Amortentia would always smell like her perfume.

His past was bleeding into the present, just as his future was bleeding out of the gaping wound in his neck. If he had breath to spare, Snape would have laughed.

Death, he mused, had a way of bending time to its will. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been lying there, or how long he’d have to relive his regrets. His only concept of time was how very little of it was left. But at some point, he realized he was no longer alone. Someone was propping him up, shaking his shoulders gently.

"Professor…"

It was the boy.

All at once, the haze of Nagini’s poison lifted. Snape saw himself rushing through the halls, looking for the Boy Who Lived, his chest heavy with the fear that once again, he was too late. And now here he was.

The boy was thinner than when he’d last glimpsed him in the woods. And his eyes—her eyes—were older. Briefly, Snape wondered what Lily would say if she could see her son now.

And what she would say to him for his role in shepherding the boy to his death.

Fisting his fingers in the boy’s shirt, Snape forced himself upright. A clever man might have found another way. A braver man would’ve told the boy everything while he still had the chance.

Snape swallowed. He had never been brave or clever when it counted.

You could be now.

The fields behind the mill—the first place he’d ever laid eyes on her. The thrill of holding her hand that first September on the Hogwarts Express. His humiliation when she refused his apology. Cold, bespectacled gray eyes when he’d begged for their lives on his knees. For the boy’s life. The years he spent scraping together whatever dignity he had left. His rage in Albus’ office when it all became clear just how useless his efforts had been.

One by one he plucked the shattered fragments from his mind and let them go. He watched the silvery wisps curl through the air, carrying with them the last of his strength.

"My memories," he rasped. "Take them."

For a second, he saw pity in the boy’s eyes. Just a few hours ago, that would have irked him.

"Look at me."

The boy’s eyes were a brilliant shade of emerald green. He couldn’t explain why, but that comforted him. His forgetfulness should have upset him. Instead, Snape felt himself fade into those emerald depths, his soul slipping free of the weight of the past twenty years.

—

The rain fell in thick globs, plastering his hair to his skin. Around them, the air crackled with the promise of thunder. The wind whipped through the tall grass, and jagged white fingers of electricity streaked through a purple-black sky. It was like nature was mocking him.

When he was small, in the days before his father left, his mother used to scoop him up onto her lap during summer storms. They’d sit by the window in the kitchen, tracing old runes into the condensation. He wasn’t sure why he’d told her that. Maybe because Fifth Year was looming and this was the only way he knew how to keep her close.

“Do you miss him?”

He shrugged, wiping away his hair—and maybe some tears—with the back of his hand.

“He doesn’t miss us.”

Her hand found his, her tiny fingers slipping into the spaces between his. Somehow, her skin was still cool despite the rare sticky heat. Though, it could have easily been the blush from his cheeks. Suddenly, he was glad for the rain.

“Well I’ll miss you. Even if you are the biggest jerk this side of Manchester.”

“You’re only going for a week.”

“Yeah,” she scrunched her nose. Not for the first time, he noticed her freckles reminded him of constellations in the night sky. “But it’s a family vacation with Petunia.”

“We should probably go back inside.”

“Aw, Sev. We’re leaving tomorrow and I won’t see you until school starts.” She poked him in the rib. Despite his best efforts, he felt the corner of his lip quirk and was rewarded with the sound of her laughter. “Besides, a bit of rain never hurt anybody.”

—

He woke up to his forehead smacking against the window of the Hogwarts Express. He supposed he had fallen asleep that way, curled up with his head against the cool glass, his neck bent at an odd angle.

The train was strangely quiet. In all his years, he’d never been able to sleep on the ride home. Students chattering about summer plans, promising to send owls or make arrangements for trips to buy school supplies at Diagon Alley. The air had always been thick with conversations that had no room for him.

But what really kept him up was the dread of returning home—a place with no friends, no magic, and nothing to distract him from the truth of his circumstances.

The ride home after seventh year had been the happiest. He’d left behind nothing in that rickety house, and now that he was a grown wizard, he had no reason to return. He had already found a flat with his friends, and finding a job was unnecessary because...

Snape blinked.

He hadn’t been a student in over twenty years. Glancing out the window, Snape furrowed his brows. Outside, there was no British countryside with its rolling hills and gray skies. There was only the dark walls and bloodstained floorboards of the Shrieking Shack. In the middle of the room stood the boy, Weasley and Granger, their eyes wide with shock at the body on the floor.

His body.

Snape’s hand flew to his neck. He remembered the sting of fangs sinking into his skin, the gush of blood oozing from the wound. But when he pulled his fingers away they were clean.

“It can be a bit of a shock at first.”

He swallowed. There, sitting across from him, was Albus Dumbledore in all his glory. His white beard; eyes that crinkled at the corners; half-moon glasses with dirty lenses. Everything was just as he remembered—all, except the hand that should have been charred black. Dumbledore followed his gaze and chuckled.

“I don’t understand,” he said. His voice sounded hollow, almost as if it didn’t belong to him. “You’re dead.”

“So are you, Severus.”

“I know, but…” he paused. There were so many things he had to ask. Had they won? Did time flow the same here as there? If he was dead, why was he on the Hogwarts Express? Could he go back and watch over the living? (Not that he had any desire to).

What came next?

Was this all there was?

“I don’t have many answers, Severus. As much as I’d like otherwise, that’s not how it works here.”

“I don’t—”

“Understand. Yes, I know.” Albus said, leaning back into the seat. “These trains never were all that comfortable, were they?”

Snape swallowed and chanced a look out the window. The boy and his friends were gone, but to their credit—and his surprise—they had folded his arms and clasped his hands over his navel. He was still lying in a puddle of his own blood, but whoever came to collect his body would see that he’d been moved. Laid to rest, so to speak.

“Albus,” he whispered.

“Yes, Severus?”

“What are we doing here?”

Dumbledore laced his fingers neatly over his lap. As far as Snape could recall, he only ever did that when there were no satisfactory answers. The silence stretched between them for one heartbeat, then two, and finally three before Dumbledore spoke.

“I’ve been dead a while longer than you, my friend, but you must understand, death…is not…” Dumbledore paused, his lips pursed as he searched for the right word. “Whatever this is, it does not belong to you. There are things we must do before we are allowed to rest.”

“Things?”

“Talking with people mostly. They come and go. Sometimes they help you, other times you help them. Every once in a while, you help each other.”

“You must be terribly busy then,” Snape muttered. To his credit, Dumbledore chuckled.

“It has been rather eventful. But I am glad to see you, if only to thank you. I imagine it’s been an unpleasant year.”

Snape grimaced. He had attained everything he’d ever dreamed of—a position of power, influence, and fame—but it had been nothing like he wanted. Most days, he had woken up wishing he could go back to his cauldrons, back to the days where he had the begrudging respect of his peers and an uneventful life. The worst part was he’d died before he got the chance to see it through.

“If the boy failed, does any of it matter?”

Dumbledore sighed, his shoulders slumping. “I’m certain she would think so.”

Blinking, Snape stared blankly at Dumbledore. “She?”

There was something that unnerved him about the way the amused twinkle faded from Dumbledore’s eyes. Snape fidgeted in his seat. He’d revealed himself lacking—in what way exactly, he wasn’t sure, but lacking nonetheless.

“Severus.” Dumbledore’s eyes flickered down to Snape’s neck. His voice was calm and quiet. Almost as if he were speaking to a skittish creature that might scurry away at the slightest provocation. “How did you tell Harry what he needed to do?”

Snape opened his mouth to answer, but the words died on his tongue. Thankfully, the train slowing as it pulled into its destination saved him the agony of having to remember.

Outside, the scene of his lifeless body had disappeared. The dreary walls of the Shrieking Shack had faded into a lush, verdant hill by a babbling creek. In the distance he spied an old mill, the kind that sputtered dark plumes of smoke at all hours of the day. It was an odd, but familiar sight. He’d spent a lot of time in fields like this—back when he was still a lonely child waiting for his Hogwarts letter.

It was then that Snape noticed the train had stopped. The door to the compartment slid open, and before he had time to think, Dumbledore was already out of his seat stretching his long arms and knees.

“Well I suppose this is your stop, Severus.”

“My stop?”

“Surely you didn’t think you’d spend the rest of eternity on the Hogwarts Express.” Dumbledore chuckled. “It appears we’ve reached the end of our time together.”

Snape licked his lips, his gut churning at the finality in Dumbledore’s voice. “The end?”

“It depends. Sometimes you spend days with a person. Other times only a few minutes. However long is needed.”

“For what?”

Dumbledore’s lips curled into a slow, mysterious smile.“Your guess is as good as mine.”

And in an instant, he was gone.

—

She was crying and he didn’t know what to do. He knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to be like those men on the covers of those absurd muggle novels she read when she thought no one was looking. The ones with the strong arms that a weeping woman could fall into and feel safe.

But if he tried that, she’d probably punch him.

“She’s stupid, obviously.”

“Sev!” Her hand whipped out and thwacked him soundly on the shoulder. “That’s my best friend you’re talking about.”

He tried not to wince as he rubbed his arm. He’d seen her hit James Potter a million times. Potter had never flinched.

“I thought I was your best friend.”

“My best girl friend, stupid.” She kicked him. “What are you, jealous?”

Yes, he thought.

“No,” he said. “I don’t see what you’re so upset about. It’s just a party.”

“She literally invited everybody in our year! Every. Body. Except. Me!”

“I guess the owl with my invitation just got lost then.”

Flushing, she dropped her gaze to the grass. “That’s not what I meant—”

“I know.” He breathed in sharply through his nostrils and fought the urge to rip out all the daisies blooming around them. “Have some pity. You’re the cleverest, prettiest witch in our year and she has a crush on James Potter. Let her have this party.” His lip curled. “After all, Potter’ll be mooning over you all Fourth Year.”

“Blergh. Don’t remind me.” She pretended to gag. “What does she see in him?”

His heart skipped.

“Who knows.”

—

Time was an affliction for the living.

Snape couldn’t say how long it’d been since Dumbledore and the Hogwarts Express had vanished, or even how long he’d been on the train in the first place. He wasn’t even sure how he’d got to be standing in the field. He didn’t recall standing up from his seat or getting off the train. The truth of it was that one minute he was there, and the next he was here.

Life after death, he mused, had a dreamy quality to it: Everything felt real when he was in the moment, but it all slipped away once it was over.

He had the distinct feeling that he was waiting for someone. Who, he couldn’t say. Someone important. The thought made his stomach flip, so he took to exploring the field around him.

He headed north where he could still make out the smoke from the mills. Where there were factories, he reasoned, there were people. And where there were people, there was information.

He walked aimlessly, past small white flowers and patches of mud until he reached the creek. He could have apparated across, but for some reason, he opted to take off his shoes and peel off his socks. The water felt cool against his skin, the stones at the bottom slick and slimy. He might have spent more time wading, if he had been inclined. But Snape was unused to idling so he trudged onward. He did, however, leave his shoes and socks next to some cattails by the bank. He had forgotten the feeling of grass underneath his feet and whatever else had been said about him over the years, Severus Snape was not a man who denied himself the occasional small pleasure.

He walked until he passed a second creek, and then a third. But it wasn’t until he passed a fourth and then a fifth creek, that Snape began to feel suspicious. Surely, he’d been walking for hours now and the mill wasn’t any closer. And then, after wading through the water a sixth time, his eyes fell upon a familiar pair of shoes.

“I was beginning to wonder when you’d notice.”

A chill ran up Snape’s spine. It had been twenty years since he’d heard that voice. Twenty years of building a name for himself, of shedding the skin of the gangly boy so hungry for control. And yet here he was again, feet wet in the grass, walking aimlessly in circles, waiting to be humiliated.

“I don’t really wanna be here either but the least you could do is turn around.”

“How disappointing,” Snape snapped. “And here I was hoping death might be peaceful.”

His tormentor fell silent, which struck Snape as strange. In life, James Potter would have seized any and every opportunity to spew insults and quips that weren’t nearly as clever as he imagined. Behind him, Snape could hear Potter suck in a deep breath through his teeth.

“Would you…just turn around?” Silence suffocated the air between them, but Snape just imagined his feet sinking into the ground, his toes extending into earth like roots. He was prepared to stay there, until he heard a long shuddering sigh. “Please?”

Blinking, Snape felt the tension seep out of his body. In seven years at Hogwarts, ‘please’ was a word Snape had never heard fall from James Potter’s lips. Curiosity scratched at the back of his mind, but another part of him relished the fact that for once, he held all the power.

“Look, Severus. I get it. I do. But we can spend the next thousand years standing right here, with you ignoring me, or you can turn around and we can both move on to whatever’s next.”

Snape paused, his stomach lurching as Dumbledore’s cryptic farewell on the train echoed in his ears. Sometimes you spend days with a person. Other times only a few minutes. However long is needed.

Lips curling into a sneer, Snape slowly turned. He was stubborn, yes, but he hadn’t died a miserable death to spend a thousand years with James Potter.

“Was that really so hard?”

“Yes.”

Death had been unfairly kind to James Potter. (But what else had Snape expected? Life had been exceptionally kind to Potter.) Standing on the other side of the creek, Potter looked exactly the same—tall, young, and handsome. A bit lanky, sure, but with thick black hair that fell in charming waves and dark eyes the color of the ocean.

The perks of dying young, Snape mused bitterly, was never having to watch yourself grow old. And James Potter would forever retain the bloom of his youth. While he…

Snape blinked at his reflection in the water. He was an awkward, gangly young man again. In an instant, twenty years of hard-earned confidence had melted away into scrawny limbs, slumped shoulders, and the distinct feeling he was too small for his body. He didn’t have to look in a mirror to know he had yet to grow into his wide-set eyes, long nose, and too-big ears.

“Well,” he said, gritting his teeth. “I’ve turned around.”

James’s lips tightened into a grim line. “Why do you always have to make it so hard?”

Snape had no answer for that. It was a question he’d asked himself a million times since… Well, he couldn’t remember a time he hadn’t asked himself that. He could have picked a side and stuck to it, regardless of the consequences. It would have been easier. Instead, he had made his bed living on the edge between the light and the dark. And what had that gotten him? An unheralded death, a life missed by none, and a legacy that everyone would do their best to erase from the history books. A lifetime of sacrifice, and he couldn’t even remember why.

It wasn’t until Potter cleared his throat that Snape realized he had been waiting for an answer.

“I don’t know.” Snape grimaced and stared at the grass poking up between his toes. Why was it always his shortcomings? “Why do you?”

“I don’t know either.” Potter’s breath left his chest in a heavy whoosh. “I s’pose we always did bring out the worst in each other.”

Snape grit his teeth. Under his skin, he could feel years of silent injustices bubbling in his veins. How typical of Potter to paint over his sins with the brush of mutual blame. To fail to acknowledge how he, the Boy Who Had Everything, had spent every waking moment trying to humiliate the Boy Who Had Nothing. How he had taken the only thing Snape had ever wanted, just because he could.

“You’re really not going to make this easy for me, are you?”

Snape seethed. “Heaven forbid that you work for anything.”

“Merlin’s beard,” Potter ran a hand through his hair before closing his eyes. “If I hadn’t promised her…”

“Promised who?”

“You know who.”

“The Dark Lord is not a woman.”

“Well obviously not him.” Potter narrowed his eyes. “Who do you think I’m talking about?”

“I haven’t the slightest clue, nor do I care.”

At that, Potter finally closed his mouth. When he was younger (and alive), Snape would have relished stealing the last word. But any sweetness from his victory turned sour as Potter’s eyes softened. He knew that look. Had seen it on Albus’s face a million times over the years.

“You don’t remember her, do you?”

For a brief moment, Snape could see the achingly familiar silhouette of a woman behind Potter. But then he blinked and she was gone.

“No,” he admitted quietly. He wiggled his toes and tried to ignore the way his stomach twisted. “And I’m not sure I want to.”

He didn’t have to look at Potter’s face to know he’d find a mix of guilt and pity. The thing was, if Snape were honest with himself, Potter had tried after the Whomping Willow. He had gone from being his primary tormenter to a bystander on the sidelines. And Snape had known that if he had just made an effort to swallow his pride, things might have been different. But by then, his hate had been a balm to the chaos raging inside him. If things weren’t going his way—and they never did—then at least he could blame everything on James Potter.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I can’t say it much better than that. I know…I know you had every right to hate me. And what you’ve done for my family—I’m not sure I could have done the same. I like to think that I would have, but…” A shuddering sigh escaped Potter’s lips, as if he realized that his rambling was falling on deaf ears. Swallowing, Potter clamped his hand right over his heart. “Thank you for protecting my son.”

Digging his toes into the dirt was all Snape could do to keep himself upright. His heart thudded against his ribs and something inside of him twisted and finally snapped. He could hear James babbling and if he listened carefully, he could hear the faintest echo of a woman’s voice. Snape squeezed his eyes shut.

She knows what you’ve done.

This isn’t want he wanted, he thought as he covered his ears. Saving the boy had never been about James Potter. It hadn’t been about Voldemort, Albus, or even the boy himself—it hadn’t been about any of them.

And while she’s sad you don’t remember her…

When Snape opened his eyes again, it was dark and he was alone in the Shrieking Shack. The field was gone, the grass beneath his feet replaced by rotting floorboards and a wet copper stain, the scent of summer lingering his nostrils.

She’ll be waiting when you’re ready.

—

She was already waiting for him underneath the oak tree, wearing a green summer dress with a white floral print. Her feet were bare and he could see she’d painted her toenails the color of ripe strawberries. In her lap were the books for Third Year because, that’s right, she’d gotten them last week with her parents during a trip to London.

Snape pinched himself as he approached. He was used to her in cutoff jeans, old T-shirts with grass stains, and beat-up trainers. He was comfortable with her in diaphanous Hogwarts robes.

Reaching up, he ran a hand through his hair, hoping that it would make him look neater and possibly make his ears look smaller. He straightened his shoulders and the hem of his threadbare shirt.

It was summer and they were thirteen, standing on the precipice of something big.

—

The days blurred together until the field seemed more and more like a dream.

Not for the first time, Snape clutched his knees to his chest as he lay on the dingy old mattress that once served a young Remus Lupin. In death, there was no such thing as hunger or sleep to break up the days. Instead, people came and they went. Or sometimes he was the one that went—to London, Hogwarts, or someplace he’d never been. Depending on the person, he grew old or he became young. But always, he ended up right back here.

He was no closer to figuring out how Death worked. There was no rhyme or reason to the people he met and when, but it was a distraction. Sometimes, it could even be pleasant and that took the edge off waiting. But when he couldn’t drift off, he remembered Dumbledore’s voice echoing above the rumble of train tracks.

“Whatever this is, it does not belong to you. There are things we must do before we are allowed to rest.”

It wasn’t all meaningless. He’d gleaned a few things from his time in limbo. Not too long ago he’d opened his eyes to find himself in Narcissa Malfoy’s library. She’d been much older than when he’d seen her last, her hair more steely silver than white gold. There were crows feet around her eyes that crinkled when she smiled at him.

She had died peacefully in her sleep, which told Snape the Boy Who Lived had prevailed. And her voice had swelled with pride when she talked about Draco’s son, Scorpio, who had just graduated from Hogwarts.

Which meant he’d been dead for at least seventeen years.

He’d learned other things, too. Like how the Boy and Weasley had become Aurors, That they’d installed a portrait of him as Headmaster at Hogwarts. That absurdly, there was a boy named Albus Severus Potter. They told him these things as if it would please him, and somehow Snape managed to smile, if only because it was expected of him. Inside, he knew that he was waiting for The Boy Who Lived. The thought turned his stomach.

He closed his eyes and opened them again.

Still the Shrieking Shack.

For the millionth time, he reminded himself that his death did not belong to him, and there were things he must do before he was allowed to rest.

Snape sighed. It was a long afterlife.

—

“Sev, can you believe first year is already over?”

He shrugged. They were sitting along the bank, dipping their feet into creek. The water soothed his pinched feet—his mother had promised a new pair of shoes weeks ago, but he was beginning to think she’d forgotten—even if the pebbles at the bottom felt slimy against his soles. He tried curling his toes around a flat stone, but despite his best efforts it kept slipping.

“Sev—”

“I s’pose.”

She furrowed her brows, nose scrunching like it always did when he said something she didn’t like. Which, since he’d been sorted into Slytherin,  happened more often than he liked.

“Is something the matter?”

He dug his toes below the stone until it balanced on the top of his left foot. If he couldn’t pick it up with his toes, maybe he could lift it.

“Is it stuff…” she paused. From the corner of his eye, he could see her fingers digging into a patch of grass. “Is it stuff at home?”

He was being sullen and if he kept it up, she’d eventually get tired of him. Here, he had her all to himself. Here, he didn’t have to share her with the rest of the school and he was wasting it.

“I just wish House stuff wasn’t so important.” He chanced a glance in her direction. “You’re my friend too.”

She let go of the grass and slipped her hand into his, squeezing lightly. Her eyes were soft and it made his skin crawl. He wasn’t sure if he craved that gentleness or hated it.

“We’re always going to be friends, Sev. I promise.”

—

He was old again. He could feel it in the straightness of his back and the weariness in his bones. The days had come and gone—so many that he’d long since lost count. But now that he was here, standing in the Hogwarts dungeons where he had taught hundreds of children the beauty of a simmering potion, Snape found himself wondering exactly how long he had been dead.

Breathing in sharply through his nose, Snape knew he had forgotten many things since dying, but it always surprised him how much of his memories relied on things. Things like the feel of a well-worn pewter cauldron, or the medicinal smell of herbs mixing with damp wet stones. How many hours of his life had he spent here? And yet, it had all vanished the minute he died.

“Professor?”

The Boy Who Lived looked better than when he last saw him. Like he’d had a proper meal and a good night’s sleep. His hair was tamer, less unruly, but the rest of him remained the same. The mirror image of his father, except for those eyes. Those green orbs pierced through him, just as they had that fateful first day in this very dungeon all those years ago.

For the first time in a long while, Snape thought of summer fields.

“Mr. Potter.”

“It’s…” Potter’s son raked a hand through his hair and Snape almost rolled his eyes. Like father, like son.“It’s been a long time, Professor.”

“So I’ve heard.” He drummed his fingers against his thigh as The Boy Who Lived bit back a sharp laugh.

“You never did let me off easy, did you?”

“Your father said something similar.” The words tumbled from his lips before he could stop them. Potter’s eyes widened, though not in the way Snape would have preferred. Surprise, anger, shock. Those emotions he could have accepted—respected even. Instead, his skin crawled at the way Potter’s emerald gaze softened.

“I-I know. He said they’d seen you. I think that’s why I’m here, actually.”

Snape narrowed his eyes. The Potter he remembered was slightly dopey, always a step behind Hermione Granger. The Boy Who Lived had always been disappointingly and exceptionally average in all things except flying—another trait he shared with his father. So for Potter to know something he didn’t?

“Out with it. I’ve already spent enough of my life making sure you stayed alive. Am I to spend the rest of eternity doting on you as well?”

To his indignation, Potter smiled.

“Do you remember the last time we were here? You were teaching me occlumency.”

“Trying to teach you, more like.” Snape grimaced. He forgot the exact reason why those lessons failed. Potter had crossed a line, that much he knew. Not for the first time, Snape wondered why he seemed to remember so much less than everyone else.

“It’s where I learned about the Pensieve,” Potter said slowly, his eyes fixed on Snape’s face, watching for his reaction. “I saw something I shouldn’t have. Do you remember?”

He did. Snape remembered how his blood had turned to ice and the violent twist of his heart—how he had so quickly gone from dreading another mediocre lesson to absolute terror at the sight of Potter’s head submerged within the Pensieve. But for the life of him, he couldn’t recall what it was he hadn’t wanted him to see.

This was exactly how he’d felt right before he’d gone to beg Dumbledore for his help. The same feeling he’d had all those days curled up in the Shrieking Shack, staring at a pool of what he knew to be his own blood.

“I’ve forgotten someone,” he said slowly. “Someone important.”

Potter nodded, biting his lip. “That night. The night you died in the Shrieking Shack, we didn’t find you time. You couldn’t speak, so—”

“I gave you my memories.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re here to give them back.”

“Yes.”

“What if I don’t want them?”

Despite the endless monotony of his death, despite how often his inability to remember frustrated him, his body remembered how heavily life had weighed on his shoulders. Forgetting let him stand straighter than he had in years. It lightened his step. And while Snape was keenly aware of the ever-present hollowness in his chest, he found that most days he didn’t mind it.

Potter gaped, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. A small, petty part of Snape reveled in his surprise. Dumbledore wouldn’t have approved. In fact, Snape was sure Albus would have reprimanded him for being childish.

The silence stretched between them, and Snape’s only regret was that the Powers That Be could be incredibly high-handed. What was the point of forcing him and Potter together? Why did he have to meet with a seemingly endless stream of people who’d made his already miserable life difficult? Why force him to live in a cage of half-drawn memories at all?

“You know, Ron asked me once if I wasn’t lionizing you after the fact. Naming my son after you, lobbying to put your portrait up at Hogwarts, making sure your name was cleared in the papers. There’s a card of you now. My daughter found one in her Chocolate Frog. And you might be surprised, but that made me happy.”

“For once,” Snape drawled, “Weasley may have had a point.”

“But,” Potter said sharply, pointedly ignoring him, “I didn’t stop hating you until you gave me these.”

He watched as Potter pulled a small vial from his pocket and set it on the very desk he’d sat at as an 11 year-old first year. Swirling inside the glass was the familiar silvery smoke of memory. His memory.

“You don’t have take them back…but they don’t belong to me. They’re yours. And hers.”

“Hers?”

“My mother.”

Snape froze. Of course, on some level he knew Harry Potter hadn’t sprung up from James Potter himself. And everyone knew the legend. That she’d sacrificed herself for him. That her love had repelled the Dark Lord’s killing curse. Snape knew he should have known who she was. That at one point, he had.

“I don’t…I can’t…”

Potter nodded, his head bobbing wordlessly as his eyes scanned every inch of the room. His breath was ragged from holding back a sigh. “It’s understandable,” he said. “I don’t think you intended things to turn out the way they did. I blame myself for that. I didn’t see. I didn’t want to see.”

Snape could have said anything. A few retorts flitted across his mind. Easy retorts meant to make Potter seethe. Cutting remarks that would make him bleed.

“I did what I had to,” Snape said simply. “Nothing more, nothing less.”

“But—”

“Thank you for returning them.” He curled his fingers around the vial and slipped it into his pocket. The glass was cool but he could feel his memories pulsating inside. “And for keeping them all these years.”

Potter’s mouth hung open. In life, the sight might’ve made Snape sneer. In death, his stomach sank as if it were made of lead. Of course James’s son would find it surprising that the awkward, dour Potions Master could be gracious. What else could be expected of him?

“I…I’m sorry for being such a prat in your classes.”

Snape blinked.

In six years of trying to teach Harry Potter, years spent hiding his misery and guilt behind bubbling cauldrons and sarcastic quips, he’d never expected an apology. It was right for James Potter’s son to hate him. It made protecting him easier.

It struck him then that Harry had wrinkles that James never did. Creases around the corners of his mouth. Crows feet around his eyes. And if he squinted, Harry’s hair was peppered with silver near the temples. He’d lived longer than both Snape and his father. Seen more of the world than either of them.

“Professor? Are you alright?”

“Did you at least make the most of your life?”

Harry smiled.

The dungeon grew hazy around the edges, shimmering like the edges of a Pensieve before fading into the next memory. For a brief moment, Snape hoped it meant he would finally be allowed to rest.

—

“Sev, are you nervous?”

It was August 31st. At the edge of the horizon, the sky was already starting fade from vibrant pinks and reds to a deep purple. The crickets were chirping their sad songs, and in that moment, an 11-year-old Snape wondered if she could hear how fast his heart thudded against his ribs.

“No.”

“Not even a little bit?”

He turned to look at her. She’d pulled her knees to her chest, arms wrapped around her legs as she curled up into the trunk of the tree.

“Why would I be?”

“I dunno. It’s the first day. At Hogwarts.”

“I know.”

She bit her lip. “What if it goes all wrong?”

“It won’t. We’re going to be the greatest wizard and witch Hogwarts has ever seen.”

“But how can you be so sure?”

He swallowed. Because it had to be better. Anything would be compared to staying home for another year. Another year of his parents fighting. Of his mother crying alone in the bathroom when she thought everyone was sleeping. Of his father stumbling home drunk in the dark.

Tomorrow was the first day of the rest of his life. His real life.

“Trust me. When we’re big, everyone is going to remember who we are.”

She scrunched her face.

“If you say so.”

—

When he awoke, the world was awash with sunlight. Shielding his eyes, Snape could see dozens of daisies and dandelions dotting the verdant hills like stars in the night sky. In the distance, he could make out the silhouette of smoke stacks and plumes of smoke.

Snape sighed. The Powers That Be were insufferable.

Pursing his lips, he chucked off his shoes and stalked off in the direction of the creek. As he walked, he could feel the vial tapping against his thigh.

The narrative was clear. He’d read enough of those pulpy swashbucklers as a child to know what the hero did next. The sooner he did it, the sooner he—and, the Potters—could get on with their afterlives.

Then again, he’d never been the hero. Not even in his own story.

As he reached the banks, the water felt cool against his feet, the stones slimy under his toes. He flexed them a few times, reveling in the dappled pattern of sunlight through water. He’d done this often as a boy—mostly when the silence at the dinner table was too thick, or as an escape on the days his mother couldn’t force herself to pretend.

He hadn’t seen her. Not once. Through the endless days, he sometimes thought he caught a whiff of her perfume. Other times, he saw a passing shadow bearing her resemblance out the corner of his eye. He supposed that was just as well. In life, his mother never had much to say to him. Why should death have been any different?

And not for the first time, Snape imagined a world where his parents never met. He’d found a photo after his mother died, buried away in an old album. She’d been sitting at this very same creek, her long black hair spilling over her shoulders as her nimble fingers wove a crown made of daisies. She looked young, her skin smooth and her lips slightly upturned as if she was trying not to laugh at a terrible joke.

He imagined she would have stayed that way. Free of the lines around her mouth from frowning every time his father came home stinking of gin. She would have stood tall, her back straight instead of slightly hunched. She would have married a respectable man from a good wizarding family. She wouldn’t flinch when people spoke to her. She would have greeted the world with a cool, confident smile.

And in that world, her son might have been someone worth noticing. Handsome, charming, accomplished, and admired by everyone who met him.

Someone more like James Potter.

“I thought I’d find you here.”

He knew that voice. Had dreamt of it all those lonely nights after she died. And for the first time in years, he remembered his favorite thing about Lily’s voice was how it reminded him of clear, running water.

Swallowing, Snape reached a hand into his pocket only to find it empty. He supposed she learned that trick from one of Potter’s friends. (Sirius Black, most likely.)

“In my defense, you were taking an awfully long time.”

Behind him, he could hear her kicking off her shoes. He didn’t have to look to know she’d taken off the left first, then the right before tossing them carelessly over her shoulder.

“I missed this, you know. I only came back once after fifth year. Just before Harry was born. You were already gone by then, who knows where. I sat here all by myself for a whole afternoon but it wasn’t the same.”

He could see her in his peripheral now. Parts of her at least. Her feet were pale next to his, though her toenails were painted a bright shade of shamrock green. Snape fixed his gaze on a misshapen rock near his big toe. It worked for the most part, though every once in a while he could see a wisp of red hair when the breeze picked up.

“Sev—”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Oh, he can speak.”

Alive, he’d imagined this moment so many times. In the early years, he’d wrapped himself in his guilt until it became his armor. He pictured her as stone-faced as the night she’d rejected his apology. In his dreams, he’d reach out for her hand. He’d try to explain himself and she would always turn away without a word.

Later, he allowed himself the fantasy that she’d greet him with open arms. She’d shower him with forgiveness and gratitude for selflessly sacrificing himself for her son. He never got much further than that. His sense of reality and disgust with himself usually won out.

But somehow, in the 17 years after her death, Snape had forgotten just how annoying she could be.

“What do you want me to say?” he said between gritted teeth.

“A ‘Hello’ would do. ‘Long time no see.’ Something along those lines would’ve been fine. James said you’d been difficult. I hoped he’d been exaggerating.”

“Ah yes, James.” Snape’s lip curled. “And I’d hoped dying meant I’d finally heard the last of him.”

“Really? This is how we’re starting off?” Lily’s voice pitched. When they were children, this was the part where she’d stomp across the fields back to her house. He’d watch her go, too stubborn to apologize, but desperate for her to at least look back. She never did. “You’re absolutely unbelievable.”

“Perhaps. But this?” He gestured to the air between them, but kept his eyes fixed on the water lapping at his ankles. “Whatever this is, I’m done with it. You should go now.”

Beside him, he could hear Lily sputtering. If he looked, Snape was certain her mouth would be hanging open, her brows furrowed and her hands curled into fists at her sides.

“We both know that’s not how this works.”

Ah yes. His death did not belong to him, just as Lily’s death did not belong to her. They both had things to do before they would be allowed to rest. Neither of them would be permitted to leave until the Powers That Be deemed them worthy. Snape grit his teeth.

“You’re the one who started things off the on the wrong foot.”

“Me? What did I do?”

“You had no right. Those were my memories.” “I had every right.” Lily’s voice was steely. “Those memories belonged to me, just as much as they belonged to you. What was I supposed to do? Wait another twenty, thirty years for you to feel ready?”

“Oh, so the seventeen years after you died. All that pain and suffering. Those belonged to you too?” Snape grimaced. “Did you ever think for a moment that maybe I wanted to forget?”

That shut her up. Briefly.

“It’s not my fault you beat yourself up for seventeen years. Unnecessarily, might I add. I didn’t ask you to do that, Sev. I never wanted you to do that.”

He swallowed. She had that magical talent of twisting his words against him. Of reflecting back to him just how selfish and narcissistic he could be. Of making him feel so incredibly beneath her, unworthy of her company. And despite his infinite shortcomings, even a young Snape had known deep down it wouldn’t last. They’d both picked over every scab until their friendship was infected by doubt.

Every time he’d seen James Potter make her laugh, it’d felt like something cold squeezed its fingers around his heart. The next time he’d see her, instead of being a friend he’d say something rude. Something unkind. And he’d watch, his stomach sinking, as the warmth in her eyes cooled.

The noble thing would have been to be honest with her. But despite what Albus had said, Snape would’ve never been sorted into Gryffindor. What he’d done for Harry had been easy. Courage borne from guilt wasn’t anything special. But now, after all these years, even though he knew that she knew, he would’ve rather wasted away for an eternity rather than tell her face-to-face.

“You had no right,” he whispered.

“Would you at least look at me?” After a few beats, she added, “Please.”

This was it. The moment he’d dreamed of. Turning his head, the rapid beat of Snape’s heart stilled.

Lily had never lived long enough to develop laugh lines or that crinkle at the corner of her eyes. Her skin was still smooth and pale, her cheeks rounded and full. But she’d cut her hair. It was shorter, more practical—though still curled in waves by at her shoulders. And her eyes, oh those eyes. They were older. Wiser. Those were eyes that had seen the truth of the world, but still believed in good things.

She was still so very young, while he had grown so very old.

“Sev.” Lily stretched a hand toward him, her fingers gently brushing against his knee. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” His voice cracked in his throat. “It was never supposed to be like this.”

She pursed her lips, eyes softening, and Snape wished he could hide under a rock.

“I used to think that too. In the beginning. I thought I’d be here with James. You know. Clouds and halos and all that muggle jazz about angels and Heaven. I thought at the very least I’d get to watch over Harry. But it doesn’t really work like that. I see James every once in a while, but never for very long. I did get to see Harry grow up, though not as much as I’d have liked. Enough to get a sense of who he turned out to be. But mostly, it was just a lot of waiting by myself. Lots and lots of waiting. Sound familiar?”

Lily didn’t wait for him to respond before she continued.

“Then one day I’m magically here at the creek and I knew I’d see you again soon. I knew what you’d done for Harry. And I was so ready to just talk. There was so much I wanted to say. You probably won’t believe me but I’ve thought a lot over the years about what seeing you again would be like.” Pausing, Lily smiled tightly at him before wincing. “Didn’t happen quite the way I imagined.”

It never did with them. It never would. The realization sank heavily into his bones. All those years, when Harry was being difficult, he’d lie in his bed and stare at the ceiling imagining this moment. He dreamt of what it would be like if none of the bad things had ever happened. They’d be back to how they were before things got so twisted.

But, as it turned out, he had started forgetting long before his death. They had always sniped and bickered and poked at each other until the one of them went crazy. They’d always seesawed back and forth between affection and exasperation. He’d always disappointed her, and she’d never tried to understand his point of view.

She had just realized it before he had.

“Do you remember that summer before first year?”

Lily scrunched her nose. “Vaguely. Why?”

“The day before we came to Hogwarts, we sat here. You asked me if I was nervous about what school would be like.”

“Yeah. You said everyone would remember us.”

He chuckled darkly. “After that. You wanted to play tag but the sun had already started setting. If I could, I’d go back to that moment and I would do everything differently.”

“How so?”

“For starters, I’d have let you go.” When Lily started blinking rapidly, Snape licked his lips. His cheeks were warm and a small part of him wished the earth would crack open beneath him and swallow him whole. “It was all different after third year. If I’d been…better I’d have let you go instead of…” He waved his hand, as if he could summon the perfect blend of words that would express what he meant while preserving his dignity. “Instead of hoping you’d see me as anything more than your friend. And resenting you when you didn’t. ”

The words hung between them, heavy and thick like the air just before a thunderstorm. He’d always suspected she’d known. Every time their conversations skirted too close, every time he worked up the nerve to hint, she’d always steered the conversation back to something safe. And as they grew older, she stopped whispering in his ear or looping her arm through his. Worse yet, he wasn’t blind and she was a terrible actress. Her eyes started lingering on James Potter, following him whenever he left the room. And while Snape had always looked back when they said goodnight, Lily had never once done the same.

But to finally say it. Snape breathed in the sweet smell of summer grass. It didn’t help the dull ache in his chest, but when he finally exhaled, his entire body sagged with relief.

“Oh, Sev.” Lily’s eyes were shut, her lips pursed in a half grimace.“I—”

“You don’t have to say anything. It’s fine.”

To his surprise, it actually was. For the first time in years, he could see her for who she was and not who he wished she’d be. The ache in his chest, his constant companion since the day he first laid eyes on her, ebbed. He doubted it would ever go away completely. Even when he couldn’t remember her, the echo of it had still been there.

“I forgive you. For that day.”

“You shouldn’t. I don’t deserve it.”

“Maybe not. But I forgive you anyway.”

And for the first time since the summer before Fifth Year, they sat together in comfortable silence. It was like rereading an old book for the hundredth time; he knew every sentence, every twist and turn of phrase. He knew how this story ended, had always known how this story ended. But for once, he didn’t resent his part.

“You know,” he said, voice trembling. “It’s not too late.”

Lily’s head tilted to the side, her brow furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

Brushing off the grass from his knees, Snape stood with a new lightness in his limbs. There was no troublesome ache in his neck. His bones did not creak. His back did not ache. The air was sweet with the scent of asphodel and wormwood, and when he looked at his hands, they were smooth. No calluses from years of writing, no scars from broken glass. Most importantly, there was no Dark Mark on his left forearm.

He glanced back at Lily and his heart leapt. She looked just as she had before a scarlet train took them to a magic castle in Scotland. Before she was a beautiful woman, back when she was a gangly girl with knobby knees and grass in her long auburn hair. It was the Lily Evans that only he knew—the Lily he loved best.

Leaning over, he lightly tapped her arm.

“Tag,” he said. “You’re it.”

Snape didn’t bother looking back as he shot across the field, his feet splashing through the creek as he darted toward home. He’d never been the fastest runner. Besides, he had full faith she would catch him before long.

Behind him, he heard Lily’s indignant shriek and he pushed his legs to run faster. He didn’t know if he’d ever see her again. Perhaps, he was the last person she needed to see before she left for shores unknown. As for him, he had a nagging feeling he wasn’t done just yet. But this moment? This he could take with him.

A smile spread across his lips as he felt her grab a fistful of his shirt. Laughing, they tumbled down the hill.

This was something they could share, if only for a little while.