#except i have no friends in this state | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

butchfalin · 10 months

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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

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a-gay-frog · 17 days

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day three. no one noticed.

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angelmachines · 8 months

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to be clear i think the funniest direction to take ritsu and terus relationship is that they arent besties Or haters i think they try really really hard to be nice to each other (not because they dislike each other, just to make a good impression) for mob + their works sake but they see through each other immediately, and, because they both hate losing, it just devolves into passive aggressive middle school pettiness where they both keep doing really nice things for each other in a battle to see which one of them will cave first, all while inwardly seething and setting up more and more challenges to prove theyre the Better more Genuine friend in between like. warrior cats roleplay or whatever these two get up to. except that it backfires and they realize they do kind of sincerely really like each other as people. but also they still one up each other constantly for fun

#mp100 #riteru #<< AGAIN target audience not necessary tho #sequel to that other post btw #to be clear this is a gradual background thing #like theyre still hanging out regularly but its interspersed with this undercurrent of like #'Tch. ill buy teru this shirt he really wanted. THATLL show him!'#whereas mob is just like. aw. :-) ritsu has a friend :-)#theyd go to a cafe and it would be this intense back and forth of INSISTING that they pay. Really its fine. except this goes on for an hour #tome (shes here bc teru and her sre besties inmy heart) and mob have to force them to split the bill #i dont know if this is necessarily the most in character thing for them but as stated: it Is the funniest #text

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s-wordsmith · 8 months

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Something I really need Stranger Things fic writers to know is that no one in rural America was locking any doors in the eighties apart from the government and businesses. I remember when there was a big stink about "we gotta start locking our doors now how am I supposed to remember that every time I leave the house." People didn't lock the doors when they were home until at LEAST the mid-aughts, a lot of people STILL don't. "Oh we can't get into so-and-so's house/car because we don't have the keys!" You do not need the keys, just open the door. "I'm alarmed because I went over to so-and-so's house and their front door was unlocked so I instantly knew something was wrong." It would be much weirder if it was locked. If I showed up at my friend's house and the door was locked I would immediately assume something was wrong. If I lived in a town regularly invaded by monsters and patrolled by mobs of government agents/Russian spies/jocks with guns, I would assume my friend was currently being hunted.

#stranger things #pretty sure Will just walked into his house in the first episode #I know Mike did when he brought Eleven home #None of these doors are locked #Please stop including it as plot points because it takes me right out of the story and leaves me staring into space #Also while we're at it:#VHS tapes will not fit in Steve's back jeans pocket #That's not happening #And it is completely normal for the Wheelers to not know where their two oldest kids are #Parents in the eighties expected you to show up for breakfast and for dinner and that's it #Sometimes you bike to the other side of town to get up to trouble with your friends and that's just how it is #If you were inside they were concerned about your health #And no one was particularly stressed about being able to reach anyone because that was the usual state of things #Sorry for the rant #So many of you are too young to have known the carefree days of the height of serial killers lol #Kids rarely went missing and most people had only ever heard of murders and other serious crimes in the big city #No one in Hawkins is concerned except the people who have dealt with the monsters

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aceofspades-sml · 9 months

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When you hear a pun that's so bad you have to go take a walk outside and stare into the void with empty, emotionless eyes for like half an hour

#this is. about my brother btw.#I have been trying to translate said pun in english so I can share my state of mind with my friends except it's impossible #and I'm alone with this now #he played me #destroyed me #leo's shit

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butnotbubblegum · 2 months

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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, don’t read them if you’re having a bad day, they’ll probably not help in the slightest.

#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea #like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit #and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble #and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal #and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die #and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide #like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif #like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat #is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself #is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills #feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing #actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub #i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local #and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id #if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like #such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just #is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state #by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about #living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the #urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends #and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so #fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i #hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever #bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc #everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m #father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop #i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak

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lunaria--annua · 10 months

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For the few people that aren't my friends but remember me/ my art (or friends I haven't stayed in touch with), I wish to give an explanation for my constant week or months long disappearances:

I am a school kid stuck in an incredibly brutal school system, with a born in disability that only increases the difficulty to an insane degree. I have 10 hour schooldays and am still expected to do homework and study for intense exams (that can be up to 130 minutes long) when I arrive home late at night. This translates to my weekends also being used up for study and any free time being used for recovery from the chronic exhaustion (I do not use the term »chronic« lightly here, this is something noted by my doctor).

I really do not like letting this art blog rot only to be temporarily revived for a very short period of time once in a blue moon, but it is out of my control.

I hope (and I do think that will be the case) that in the future I will have more opportunities and energy to be creative, and will be able to share the fruits of my creativity. I miss doing art, but the constant grind from school erodes my creative passion to a degree that I barely even doodle in my notebooks anymore.

I'm optimistic this will not be forever though 💜

#harmonica noises #I have a multitude of international friends and acquaintances and they were all appalled when I explained the details of my school system #except from my buddy from Thailand; he was able to sympathise a lot 🤝...#There's so much I would love to show; and develop and update about my world #especially things I'm dissatisfied with and are outdated (it's a lot...)#but it will have to wait.#in the lower schoolgrades; back when it wasn't as intense (it was still intense) I would go on Tumblr regularly but I don't have the energy #to do that even more #I am so tired and stressed all the time! it has become my default state of existence pretty much. But it will not be for forever 💜#I am unsure if posting something so personal is wise... but I still feel the need to explain myself #So tired... I cannot afford to go to bed on time. maybe on the weekend but that's it. I have to stay up late and do homework and study #because again; 10 hour schooldays.#and even when I can sleep 8 hours; there's still the chronic exhaustion I will face for... forever.

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transsexual-divinity · 2 days

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My bff just got engaged…

#baby darling dude bro man um. you’re only 21 #don’t. don’t fucking do it bro. like don’t do it #the fiancée is chill or whatever but he’s literally bffs second serious boyfriend ever #I knew it was coming because it’s their one year anniversary today #but like. not to be a dick but bff has high key just ditched me for the guy #which is like whatever but it’s kind of like ok so you move to another state and get married and barely talk to anyone else except fiancé #what are you like a Christian??? and what it’s not like I can be unsupportive #it’s just like damn….#and then. well. you add in the fact that I have never even been on a date with anyone ever in my life like ever #and now all of my friends have gotten/are getting married #like literally all of them. the ex-friends who were homophobic church folks just got married like last month then two of my old hs friends #are married; one of em has two kids #I just like shittttt dog like bruh come on #also the fact that we used to say people that get married at 20 are idiots haha like that’s him now #anyways #it’s fine just like damn where’s my boyfriend #m talks

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faaun · 11 months

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. anyway after writing the tags 4 this post i told my research partner i will no longer follow his dreams lmao. still helping w it but i need to engage in research that i find satisfying

#i think ive been waiting for something for a while and i will spend the next year waiting for it too #i thought i felt panic but i have decided to read it as anticipation. the thrill of rejection or of moving forward or the latter as #a result of the former. i left you with your backpack unattended in the cafe because on fridays i am done #putting my life on hold for another whim-without-a-warning #this cross country service is delayed by 26 minutes so i will grab a bucket and start shovelling the water away from the tracks #everyone is moving on in some different way and im sorry if you think im mean for telling you getting so drunk will disable you from #recording your brainwaves effectively but it seems like you think i owe you an awful lot. one year ago in four days my friend got me hegel's #science of logic for my birthday and i thanked him for proving to me the existence of things this is what i do he said #and then he will spend the rest of his life breathing philosophy and i dont want to spend the rest of my life #breathing someone elses dreams i wait for the moment of realisation. this is now a 30 minute delay. i was supposed to worship beautiful #things and that is what i will do. i think i have a best friend and i know i have a lover and i know to #restrict my love the way you have. im sorry. i hope you understand when i tell you. i am now sitting on the floor in the luggage section of #this incredibly busy train and i saw a photo of her with her boyfriend and her hair in braids smiling like a fool this is the #except a week ago you told me you almost took too much this time to live. you are a beautiful girl with a beautiful soul and you know you #have already changed the world and it somehow was not enough. now you are smiling without any makeup on next to him #and yesterday you cried in an airport in the states when you were too full of love. this is the most extraordinary human being i have met.#tomorrow he heads off to princeton while his best friend heads to harvard. he goes there to make the world a better place. he is the most #extraordinary person i have ever met. the issue with human beings is that we are incredibly good at almost dying and keeping going.#you try to kill yourself and publish a paper and give a talk. you negotiate the seperation between your own parents and submit another #phd application. i am surrounded by extraordinary people with extraordinary minds and incredibly broken happy hearts.#i only see you smile when you talk about robotics. i still dont know how manifolds work and i love the concept anyway. i dont know.#i do know that i refuse to live unsatisfied.#you can keep drinking. im going to drink this reality up #i think i was a horrible person and i refuse to engage with that mentality again no matter what it takes.

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serenescribe · 4 months

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✨💥

Fanfic Writer Ask Game

✨️ Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

💀 i am so bad at remembering comments... i truly do appreciate every single one i get, but i'm very bad at remembering the specifics. i don't have a dedicated favourites list, and the only comment i can remember right now is the one i shared last time :')

so instead of struggling through searching all my comments, how about i share with you a (now deleted) bookmark that is permanently ingrained in my mind? this was left on "A Beginner's Guide To Breaking Your (Apparently Requited) Crush Out Of A Time Loop", and i. still lose my shit in the best way whenever i read it.

@ the bookmarker, i hope you're doing well (genuinely. this is one of my favourite bookmark/comment ever. i'm actually weirdly happy i touched them this deeply in this way, esp since i was tipsy while writing the fic)

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

i am weirdly enough not so anal about canon that i think about changing it frequently. maybe it's because i'm so used to the freedom of just closing your eyes to canon and doing whatever the hell you want in au city.

that being said. (puts on warrior cats hat) i genuinely wish the new prophecies group, the remaining five of them, didn't split off and completely cut ties the way they did after they all arrived at the new lake territory. i think the new prophecy arc is best because it's this ragtag group of chosen warriors, travelling together, bonding together in spite of the clan lines dividing them. and then you're going to just. have them separate again? "it's the clan way" well MAYBE the clan way should change, and they should differ on the way they run things! yes, yes, clans should handle themselves, etc, it's the warrior way, but also. maybe a little bit more friendship? relaxed borders? MAYBE??? i miss my kids :(

#ask box #olivebranch311 #thank you olive!!#disclaimer i dropped off from warriors midway through dawn of the clans (just kind of forgot to keep reading)#and i have not yet revisited beyond the new prophecy #which is still (and forever will be) my favourite arc #so like idk the current state of canon except theres like cat possession amogus now ???#and skyclan is back?? huh #i miss crowfeather :( hes still in canon i think i just miss my boy #also i should put a disclaimer i don't have strong opinions on kinning #i have old friends who do it and that's neat! very cool (genuine)#like theyre living their best lives #i just. ig the thing abt the bookmark comment was how gobsmacked i was #that someone read the thing i wrote while kinda drunk #and went oh my god. wait. this happened to me #i felt like a PROPHET. i felt POWERFUL.

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fingertipsmp3 · 4 months

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Had THE funniest dream last night

#i was roommates with this couple who for some reason decided they were going to bone directly outside the house #like on the front porch more or less #except they were really worried about being seen? so i was kind of keeping a lookout for them #pretty much as soon as they.. began; a legolas cosplayer appeared complete with a camera crew #OH THAT WAS THE THING! my roommates were filming themselves but it was just on a mounted tripod #so i just opened the window and said ‘uhhh do you guys have a camera crew?’ and they looked around and screamed #had to run inside naked from the waist down. i was laughing and laughing #for some reason my next move was to post about this on tumblr but it got no notes and i was impatient so i posted about it on facebook #and TONS of people liked it immediately and then were sharing it and long story short it went viral #and there were random people in the comments saying like ‘oh this is so obviously fake’ and ‘why does she sound so unconcerned?’#because why would i be concerned?? gay sex is legal.. having it where other people can see isn’t exactly legal but they got inside quickly #and the legolas cosplayer and his camera crew didn’t exactly seem traumatised. they just looked confused if anything #also i’d written it in kind of a sarcastic and funny tone to be entertaining because it was honestly an absurd situation #why i would’ve posted this to FACEBOOK where most of my friends are my elderly relatives; ex-coworkers and high school people i don’t know #anyway that was my dream. two guys i vaguely know had four-second sex on my front porch; saw a legolas cosplayer; screamed and ran inside #OH and the other part of my dream was one of my mutuals on here (who i have only spoken to via prev tags) for some reason had my mobile #number and kept trying to call me #i had them in my phone just as their tumblr url even though they have a name and i know it? and for some reason i kept panicking #and rejecting the call and then coming up with spurious reasons for doing so #even though this person was extremely chill about it and was like ‘oh we can just talk another time!’#it made NO sense. i would absolutely speak to this person on the phone if i got the chance #but also why would i give them my number? and why would they be calling me from the states??#anyway. if you need me i’m going to make breakfast and go to pilates #personal

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dragonanne4fun · 4 months

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#i have once again logged out of most social media on my phone (still logged onto pinterest for art ref stuff)#my mental state has been rather iffy the last week or so #just some stuff that made the death of my friend last year fresh & even more painful. i'm glad i found out. it's good but bittersweet stuff #but yeah. it's not been fantastic and social media is just not good for helping one's mental health improve #i was finding myself on my phone waaaay too much. so i logged off #so yeah. if i'm super slow to respond to anything it's because my ipad and laptop are now my channels of communication for online friends #(except for the peeps who have my cell number of course)#on the bright side. i edited two chapters of my book this morning #last night was rough. so i made the decision to force myself to get up early and not sleep in. so worth it #i'm turning into a morning person. i need people right now and there aren't people when you stay up past everyone else's bedtime.#the ramblings of a dragon #my cousin has tomorrow off tho. so he and i are going into the city to visit a ttrpg/game store.#i told him last week that i was struggling with being lonely & he's been really good about inviting me to his place or coming over to hang #i'm so grateful for him

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spearxwind · 2 years

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Thinking about the time i commissioned an artist i rly liked for something and the result was kind of really catastrophic just from the preview image in the email so i just. never opened the actual image

#i dont even know where it is #honestly ive had such bad luck commissioning art of adri that ive completely given up its like an anomaly #thunderclap #fan art my lovely followers and friends have done for me for free: literally the most swagful things ive ever seen #actual for real honest to god art i have paid real money for: worlds most inconceivably off model take #the only exception to this is when ive commissioned my friends themselves #i know this is a mean spirited post usually i dont mind like creative liberty I usually say yeah feel free to interpret my characters freel #but like. sometimes its not remotely the same character #thinking still about the uh. the art i got from [popupar twitter artist] in exchange for one of my adopts instead of them paying money #and they like. did it so off model they just made a whole new guy. the art? yeah it slaps obviously. but thats not my oc 😭#congratulations thats the worst anyones ever done it!!#this is something i personally try not to do when i do commissions too unless very explicitely stated. 'do your own take'#and also i make sure that the sketch is on-model and the client is happy etc etc #i dont know what it is about some artists where they just go ouuhhh what if i . redesigned ur oc for u. HUH #anyway thats all i gottta say this is a weird post but i think about it a lot #before you ask no im not gonna name names. this is my own personal beef

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oh-hush-its-perfect · 1 year

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so many people have joined the mcga fandom since I made those fake announcement posts . I wonder if it'd work again.

#some of you have no clue what im taking about lmaoooo #basically i (and friends) posted edited screenshots saying mcga was getting an animated adaptation #it was a funny and pretty harmless joke EXCEPT some people reposted without tagging 'unreality'#which might have triggered dissociative states which was NOT my intention

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livvyofthelake · 5 months

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also. movie that takes place in virginiaaaaa <3 ok it only takes place in va because it was based on a true story but still. that's my state :)

#and i can confirm football is Big #when i was in high school our team went to state and it was the hugest fucking deal you would not believe #tbh i don't remember if we won or not. and i don't remember what year it was. and i don't remember who was on the team #i was in high school i was busy reading my books and being a hater you cannot have expected me to keep up with football #i never even went to games except when i was in color guard and had to be there. and i didn't watch them #i think i at one point had a crush (not real) on one boy on the team but i was 14 at the time and frankly i don't remember who that even wa #not a name or even a face i've got nothing there #it's possible. that was actually 10th grade and it was that guy from ap gov. he was my sister's friend's brother. and also blonde #and he got arrested in college and lost his scholarship and got kicked off the football team and out of rotc #fun update for you!#also in high school i had a crush (again. not real) on a different boy who was blonde. i do not know what attracts me to blonde men #i'm trying to work on that. um. but i think we should blame cassandra clare. or perhaps. ken #anyway. what did this post start out being about. oh yeah. movie that takes place in my state yayyyyy

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 5 months

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anyway so im rewriting the specials to get yaz in there right and you kinda need her out of the way for wild blue yonder so im keeping her in the tardis to do the manual part of the repairs i guess but just the idea of yaz being There but Just out of sight but very much like,,,,Present, as an agent in the story, while this interaction happens:

which is then Immediately followed by the tardis with her inside Disappearing, just lends a whole lot of fuckin,,,,,,,depth of flavour that you really dont even need to do anything for

#the hardest part of this is figuring out the donna&yaz dynamic for me #i cant write donna ive never written donna #i feel like donna would be sooort of approaching yaz like she approached martha back in s4 #but i dont think yaz would be as receptive to that as martha #bc yaz. is. in much the same state as the doctor is. in terms of trauma and running on fumes and lets just keep running and not talking #except that she /didnt/ just regenerate to become weirdly honest about her affections #she still loyal devoted 'shes fine shes fine' never told anyone running from home just said goodbye to one of her best friends #And also to maybe her first real romantic love who Died But Didnt #dealing with all of that as quietly as shes dealt with alll the rest of it up till now #thrown into this situation where she knows no one and the doctor knows everyone and everyone knows the doctor but she knows no one not even #this doctor #all that just to say. i dont think she'd be very friendly with donna #polite. mostly. probably. but also having lots of feelings #that are gonna be...........difficult..........i think for all three of them to deal with #bc donna doesnt know what shes dealing with in terms of doctor/yaz #maybe she assumes a friend. or else a rose or a martha situation. bUT. yaz is none of those #yaz isnt making hearteyes or Yearning In Secret at this point yaz is grieving and also i think trying to figure out her place #shes more of a river situation. not really. comparison doesnt entirely work. but like. river in the library. vaguely #more that than the secret crush thing that it was #and the doctor knows Exactly whats going on with yaz but yknow. Busy. and they havent really had a moment alone to talk abt it #if theyre gonna talk abt it #and donna is pushing the doctor in their familiar dynamic and yaz is just sort of...........squished between that #trying to stand her ground while not even really knowing where or what that ground even IS #anyway so. tldr. Complicated #complicated dyanmic and complicated to balance so i dont sacrifice any of the doctor&donna stuff #which might happen a little anywaybc i have a clear yaz bias but im trying to mitigate it as much as i can

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