#everything reminded me of it and I wanted to just watch it and tal about it instead of living my goddamn life and the whole time I was

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

Maybe ppl w/out ADHD would understand the difference between a hyperfix and a hobby if they knew how often I hyperfixate on mediocre franchizes. Imagine temporarily having your whole brain hijacked and become obsessed with thinking about something 24/7 and mentally connecting everything you do to that hyperfix in ways other people could never understand let alone think of, and if you somehow can't connect them, then doing all that stuff stops interesting you despite being more important, and ON TOP OF THAT the hyperfix isn't even required to be something you like all that much

[i-smoke-chapstick]

Okay I think I’ve finally come up with a plot for that jervis story I was telling you about. This is pretty long- I’m sorry 😭

Basically could follow the same plots as the ‘come on Eileen’ story with an age gap but obv themed for Jervis’s character. For the sake of everything, since this could be already dark-ish, instead of Alice being his sister, she’s his coworker. Very similar story tied with the btas version. Anyways continuing that, let’s say reader is Jim and Barbara’s kid all the way from episode 1 when they were still in there couple era (I miss it 😔). Jim had custody over reader when Barbara was sent to Arkham but once she’s out and running the sirens club, her and Jim come to an agreement for the sake of the reader to co-parent. Reader is about 10-13 during that time and then jumping to like season 3 with jervis being introduced, reader is around 17-19 (I’m not sure if this is the realistic time jump but whatever). During the first episode with how Barbara introduces tabby to jervis, imagine that same scenario but with reader also present. Jervis realizes how much reader reminds him of the book version of Alice with their curiosity, ambition, etc. I’d like to imagine Barbara finds it cute in a way similar with that one fix you did when jervis was leaving stuff for the reader while tabby is like “Stay away from the baby 😡”.

Now when Alice gets killed, we know jervis makes him go through all these games of killing and stuff and then he has to choose the one he loves. Instead of Val, it’s reader. As much as Jervis doesn’t want to hurt his current crush, he tries to be nicer about it and shoots them where the bullet won’t damage them as bad?? Idk where else I’m goin with this lol. I’ll let you come up with whatever else you wanna do. Be creative if you’d like.

I’d say basically it follows the plot of season 3 but without Alice and reader is present.

Thank you Cupid 🙏🖤

'DON'T BLAME ME, [PART ONE]

-GOTHAM!JERVIS TETCH X READER-

⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 ; Everything's always the same in Gotham. Hard to imagine things changing.

⋆ tags/warnings. GOTHAM!jervis x female reader. SLOW BURN!!! Not sure how many chapters this will be yet! LOTS OF PLOT SET-UP!! AGE GAP ROMANCE! (reader is Jim and Barbara's daughter) Readers got trauma. Reader's also a cynic and dissociating. She fell first, he fell harder. Writing this kind of artistically and as character studies for everyone. Jervis being an obsessive freak, per usual. Jervis and reader are soulmates, not just in his head but in real life! More about reader is revealed as the story goes on. I'm taking canon out back and beating it with a stick until it stops twitching.

⋆ tag list (tell me if you want to be removed!) @adalwolfgang @jervis-tetch-my-beloved @honestmrdual @moonlightnyx

⋆ 'PART ONE, - 'PART TWO, - ‘PART THREE, - ‘PART FOUR, - ‘PART FIVE, - ‘PART SIX, - 'PART SEVEN, - 'PART EIGHT, - 'PART NINE, -'PART TEN, - 'PART ELEVEN, - 'PART TWELVE, - 'PART THIRTEEN, - 'PART FOURTEEN,

Special thanks to @adalwolfgang for giving me the idea for this fic <3 really really excited to make this multichapter !!

♫ “Echoes of your name inside my mind / Halo, hiding my obsession.” Don't Blame Me by Taylor Swift

You feel like your ten again, staring into space, watching the passerby's from inside a Gala. You're mother used to take you there, when you're dad wasn't available.

You sometimes miss it, even though you used to complain. You hated just sitting there, hours on end, seeing rich people dance; like there weren't people being murdered on the street two blocks down. Maybe you took after your father in that aspect. It was a curse.

Your mom used to do your hair. You remember the way she finger-twirled your curls, gasping as she looked in the mirror. Eyes wide, she always said the same thing.

"Look at you, you're gorgeous!" You'd laugh and hit her on the shoulder, young and innocent. Sometimes, you'd make a mess of her lipsticks and bronzer. You'd try on her dresses which were far too tall for your young stature.

The sound of yelling rips you away from your thoughts.

This place isn't a gala. It's a club. And you didn't get ready with your mom, you got ready in the morning, waking up alone in your dads house.

You watch the two men argue from across the bar. You're cradling a drink; unsure what to do with it. Selina had stole it for you, somehow. You didn't ask questions anymore. You'd known her since you were eleven and she was eight. You didn't really like to drink. She knew that. You don't know where she ran off too.

Mindlessly stirring your glass in your palm, you can't help but squint under the bright blue lights. This place...it's not your first choice of where you'd like to be right now. Never is.

You hear a feminine voice calling you to the front of the club, and you can already guess who it is. You haven't seen her in a little over a week, not that it matters.

You decide to down your drink anyway. Who cares.

Pushing your way through the crowds of Gothamites, you notice the stage light up. Your mother and Tabitha stand in grand dresses. Tabitha's resting, one arm on the bar, looking effectively bored out of her mind. Your mother, on the contrary, looks utterly pleased. You fight the urge to snort.

There's a man on the stage. Long hair, cat-like smile. Your eyes follow the contours of his cheek bones. He's spouting something about waking up from an animal-identity. You're frankly lost, staring into his dark eyes. They look pitch black.

Sounds of clapping arise from the back. You simply suck your teeth. Someone new comes into the club everyday with a different act. This guy certainly wasn't any different.

"A magician? Really?" Tabitha asks, interrupting your thoughts. She sounds displeased and confounded, unsure what to make of Barbara's smile.

"Hypnotist." Your mom answers, correcting her. Ah, so thats what he is. You think. Couldn't hypnotize himself to have a better act? You almost make yourself laugh. Barbara mistakes it for agreeance.

"See! I like him! Y/N likes him!" Barbara chimes, smile lighting up to be a bit more genuine at your laugh. "Like mother like daughter. Plus, the place is packed. Be happy." She waves her drink around. Tabitha still looks peeved.

You want to correct her, but the words 'like mother like daughter' make bile rise in your throat. You don't speak.

"Just a taste, ladies and gentlemen." The man purrs, pulling your attention to him. That dark stare of his never once leaves the crowd. "But now...let us venture into something more arcane."

His eyes drift to you in the crowd, and it feels like a jolt of electricity. You wonder if he feels it too. He must have, since he cocks his head, pausing in his words for a little too long. His brows furrow, until the crowd begins to murmur. It's awfully intense.

You tear your gaze away to look at your mom, wondering if she was who he was looking at instead. It would certainly make more sense, given they must've been around the same age. But as soon as your gaze leaves his, the man clears his throat, and goes right back to speaking.

"The hell was that?" Tabitha whispers to me, and my mind goes blank.

"...No clue."

We watch the rest of the act, intrigued. He makes a man stand on the back of a chair, which definitely does not obey the laws of physics whatsoever. I can see why some people might find this amusing.

Your mom does bring up a good question though.

"So you could get him to do anything you wanted?" She asks, abet too excitedly. You want to roll your eyes. When you were younger, she would've made fun of this guy with you.

The man looks between the two of us, and you squint your eyes.

"Did you have something in mind, Ms. Kean?" He asks, and her gaze darkens. You feel a little sick.

As the act finishes, the man takes one too many bows, but the crowd eats it up. That blinding blue light still bounces off his face. Something about it is...unsettling. You notice it more as he stalks towards the three of you.

"Very impressive, Mr. Tetch." Your mom compliments. Mr. Tetch, huh. Well, you finally have a name for the man. "You have quite the gift. But you didn't answer my question. Can you make people do anything you tell them to do?" She speaks, slowly. Mr. Tetch looks flattered at the praise.

He clicks his tongue. "Only things they secretly wish to do," he remarks, eyes falling on me once more. "It's surprising what people will wish for," His eye contact remains on you, voice getting quieter. "Secretly. Deep down." He repeats.

Your mother makes a sound akin to a pleased hum. Tabitha looks between the man and you, and she looks less than amused.

"True," Tabitha speaks, pushing you to the side a bit. You watch as his gaze leaves yours, and snaps up to her. There's a ghost of a scowl on both of their faces that suddenly makes you confused. "You must be a very popular man."

She takes a swig out of her drink as she says the words, a bit sarcastically. Mr. Tetch, or whatever his name is, doesn't falter in his resolve. He instead offers a polite chuckle.

"Oh, I wish. Parties like this help pave my way, so, thank you."

"And you're new to Gotham?" Your mom asks.

"Yes...just arrived from up north."

"You have a place to stay?" Tabitha asks, head cocked. You begin to feel a bit embarrassed, heat rising in your clothes. They're asking the guy way too many questions. And he's a new comer. Poor man probably doesn't know a thing.

Before the man can answer, you butt in.

"Let the man breathe." You huff, and all three of them look at you in unison. Eyes-narrowed on you, the man blinks. Barbara looks at you, surprised, and Tabitha glares daggers.

Silence surrounds the four of you, and you shiver uncomfortably.

"Just saying." You mumble. Barbara raises an eyebrow.

"You'll have to excuse her. This is my daughter, Y/N."

Jervis's face lights up in realization.

"Ah, I see." He remarks, taking your hand. Tabitha instinctively steps close, watching the way he takes it. He presses a soft kiss to your knuckles. "Pleasure to meet you, Ms. Y/N."

"Thank you," You say, softly, looking into his eyes. It really does feel like time stops. You can understand why people are hypnotized by him.

Tabitha finally steps in between you two, as Barbara watches the interaction with vague intrigue. He drops your hand with some reluctance. You don't blame him.

"I think you should get going." Tabitha says, firm. The man simply nods.

"Very well. Enjoy your night." He speaks. "Ms. Kean, Ms. Y/N." He bids one last nod of goodbye, before turning on his heel.

[skylarmoon71]

Human Optimus Prime (Transformers) - (AU) Oneshot

"The war is over, you don't have to keep looking out for me." 

You watched the Autobot above you, his optics blinked, and he shifted on his feet. Not sure how to respond to your words. 

"You can't be certain the danger is over." 

Through all the battles, life was finally settling down.

Most of the Decepticons were gone, the ones that survived were in hiding. Far too smart to try and plan another attack. Some of the Autobots that were still alive were doing the same. You felt like you'd watch so much of them die. Jazz, Ratchet, you never really recovered. 

You suppose that was the reason Optimus felt the need to be constantly with you. Bumblebee was with Sam, enjoying his life. Peacefully. The remainder of Autobots were all leading very different lives from when they first started. Whenever there was a threat, they lend a hand to the government, but in the meantime, they were just relaxing. Something they hadn't gotten a chance to do fully since they crashed to earth that night. 

For some reason, Optimus took it upon himself to look out for you. So every once in a while he'd stop by to see how you were going, what you were up to. Being a sophomore in college, you were thankful that you were spending more time now on your studies to pursue your profession. In high school it was just one disaster after the next. Now, you could unravel and focus on regular things that college students stressed over, like midterms.

"I think I can handle any danger that comes, I've made it this far haven't I." You were sitting at the edge of the hill, just looking down at the city. When he buzzed by to check on you, he'd ride you to this spot, and the both of you would chat about everything.

You used to look forward to it, but now it was just an unwanted reminder. The main reason behind your refusal for his protection was the fact that your feelings for him had never gone away. In high school, you always thought it was a little crush. 

He was a giant robot who came from another planet and lived for who knows how long. You had no idea why you even fell for him. But the more you were around him, the deeper your feelings got. 

Two years of knowing him you finally confessed exactly how you felt, and his response was that although he was flattered, he could not return them. You cried for a week, but eventually got over it. Surprisingly you were able to salvage a friendship.

That was years ago though. You were on your way to start a life, one that obviously he didn't want to be a part of, at least not the way you wanted. You figured if you were ever to move on, you needed to start making an effort to get some distance. His constant visits weren't making it any easier.

"Is that the true reason you wish for me to stop watching over you?" 

His statement made your shoulder tense slightly. 

"What other reason would there be? " 

You needed to change the subject quickly.

"You can have a life here Optimus. All the other Autobots have, so can you. How are you going to do that if you're always around me."

"You are a part of my life." 

You clench your fists, refusing to let those words play with your heart.

"I can't be, at least not anymore." 

When you looked back at him, he looked a bit sullen at what you said.

"Optimus I..I lied all those years ago. I-I haven't gotten over what you said, or how I feel about you. I think it just got worse as the years went by. I'm in love with you Optimus..." 

You swallowed, because you knew for a fact that you were about to be rejected for the second time. 

"But I think if you just give me space...I'll find a way to stop feeling this way. So please just..don't come by anymore. For your sake, and mine." 

You stood from your spot, and Optimus was just staring at you. He didn't speak, didn't say anything. You didn't need words though. It was clear how he felt. 

"I want to go home." 

You didn't look him in the eyes, you really couldn't. He must have realized that you didn't want to talk about it any longer. With a short nod, he shifted back into a semi. You opened the door, hopping in and closing the door. 

As you sat there, you forced yourself not to cry. When he was gone, and you were back at your apartment, you would have plenty of time to do that. So you stayed silent, watching the trees and buildings as Optimus took off.

~~

"Optimus, are you alright. You look a bit distracted. " 

Sam's words caught him off guard, and he lowered his head at the male. The other autobots in the area stared. Even Bumblebee looked curious. It wasn't often that they saw their leader that way. He'd always been the one with a solution for every problem. Yet he looked like he was struggling with whatever issue he was going through.

"I believe I have...gained feelings for a human." 

Sam's eyes popped open, and from the side he could see Ironhide and Sideswipe high five. Crosshairs just sighed, running a hand over his face.

"Aww you sad sap, I knew that chick was bad news. "

Bumblebee's optics glowed. A song blasting from his speakers.

"Can you feel the love tonight."

Optimus just sighed, and Bumblebee titled his head. 

"What's up doc, you look a bit under the weather."

Sam could only manage a small smile. No matter how many years pass, Bumblebee's use of the radio always amused him.

"I'm a little surprised, I guess I always knew there was something between you two. I see the way she looks at you when she thinks no one is watching." 

Sam's comment gained a look from Optimus Prime.

"How long has she been giving me those looks?"

Sam now looked a bit nervous. 

"Uhh, I'm not sure if I'm the right person to ask about this stuff. Maybe you should just tell her how you feel and.."

"It's pointless. A relationship with a human, with (Y/N), it's impossible. She's a child and I'm a soldier. "

"She's not a child." Sam said it with so much defiance. "She's not a kid anymore, maybe that's why you're so blind. You're still treating her like a kid. She's a woman, Optimus. She should have a say, it shouldn't just be your decision."

"And as for your other problem, I think I have a solution for that as well." Ironhide pipped in.

"A solution.." 

Optimus asked with uncertainty. Ironhide didn't say much more, in seconds he was reverting back to a car. "Let's go, I've been waiting years to show you this!" It didn't take much convincing, they were all interested now.

*****

"A new professor in the department?" 

You nod at your friend, sipping from your coffee.

"Staff has been a bit overpowered. I only heard because I tutor in the evenings. The guy is starting today. Hope he isn't a douchebag like Mr. Renaldo. " 

You mutter.

"I hope he's a hottie, bet you I'd get an A on every assignment." 

You giggle, nodding your head. As strong as you were trying to appear, your conversation was still running over in your head. It irked you more that he just left, you weren't rejected this time, but you might as well have been, his inability to say anything felt far worse. 

"Did he really think I was gonna sit around waiting for him forever." 

He must have known deep down that you never got over him. This whole time it felt like he was unintentionally manipulating you. He didn't want a relationship, but you couldn't be with anyone else with how much you felt for him. Both options left you alone, unhappy.

As you stepped into your class, your new professor was already there. His back was turned, and he was scribbling his name on the board. You could see some of the females in your class swooning. You weren't blind, even from the back you could tell he was probably attractive.

You took a seat, watching the name he wrote out.

"Orion Pax. "

Kind of strange, but who were you to judge. It sounded a bit familiar though, like you'd heard it somewhere before.

When he turned, he was sporting a broad smile, that probably gave a few of the women a heart defect. All he was doing was smiling and you could physically feel the charm sparking off him. Dirty blond hair, emerald eyes, strong jaw, broad shoulders. The guy was a freaking thirst trap.

"You all can call me Mr. Pax. I'll be the substitute Anthropology professor. This department has been under a lot of strain, I'll be lending a hand. Please feel free to ask me any questions." When the girl behind you raised her hands, you could already anticipate the question she was about to ask. She crossed her legs, batting her lashes seductively. 

"Mr. Pax, just wondering, I've been falling behind and it would mean a lot  if I could maybe work it off with some.." 

She paused, licking her lips and leaning forward, purposely pushing her cleavage together. 

"Extra credit." 

You rolled your eyes, and your friend at the side of you sent a small snicker, making kissy faces.

"Why of course, Mr. Renaldo told me all about you." 

He reached over, picking up a thick stack of sheets, dropping it on the desk in front of her. 

"These practice tests should help get you up to speed. Anyone else?" you almost burst out laughing at the bewildered look on her face.

"Well if they aren't anymore questions, let's begin." 

You kind of liked his style. He was a thot destroyer, you could respect that.

With a disgruntled huff, she pulled out her books and you giggled, reaching a taking out your own as Mr. Pax started up the projector. 

"Open your books to page 51, Folklore. This is a topic that I think some of you may enjoy. We've all heard stories of Bigfoot, or the Lochness monster. These may be theories created by very creative minds, but there are some things out there that we may not all understand. Possibly even beings from another earth, wouldn't that be interesting." 

When he said it, you could have imagined it, but his eyes seem to land right on you. 

You shifted a little in your seat, dropping your eyes to your book. You could still feel it, his green eyes boring into you. Your grip tightened on your pen, and you released a shaky breath.

"What the hell.." 

Optimus was the only one who'd ever made you breathless with just one look. So why was this stranger emitting the same energy of the Autobot you were so hopelessly in love with.

For the remainder of the class, you tried not to react. At certain points he'd walk down the aisle when he was making a point. You kept your head down, eyes on the page. For a moment, he stopped, leaning over to see your notes.

"What language is that?" 

Your head raised slowly, and you cursed when you realized what he was staring at. Through the days you spent with the Autobots, you picked up on some Cybertronian. Optimus even taught you some words and a few letters. Unintentionally, you'd scribbled out Optimus's name on the side of your notes. You flipped the page, letting out a nervous laugh. 

"N-Nothing it's just a little doddle. S-Sorry about that. I-I have a really short attention span. "

"Are you implying that my class is boring?"

"N-No! Of course not I was just-"

"I guess since it's so boring, you won't mind staying back to do a little extra work." 

You could hear the little laughs from some of the students behind you.

"Am I clear?"

You nod. "Yes sir." So maybe you were wrong, he was a douche after all. You hated the smug smile he was now wearing as he looked at you.

"Mothertrucker."

So the class pushed on. Thankfully, this was your only class for the day. Unfortunately, you would have to spend it with Mr. Douche.

"I'll text you later, let me know how it goes with Mr. Pax." 

Your friend winked at you as she left, and all you could manage was a groan. He was gathering his files. "I have to drop these into my office, care to join?"

It wasn't a request, you knew that. So you just picked up your bag and followed him down the hall. 

The entire time you stayed behind him, determined to avoid eye contact or conversation. When you got to the door, he opened it. 

"After you." 

With a fake smile, you entered, and He followed right after. The clicking of his lock is what made your eyes narrow. You turned to him in question.

"I apologize for embarrassing you in front of the class, but I needed to ensure that we were alone. "

Just great, not only was he a douche, but he was a freaking creep too.

"Listen, you're cute and all, but I'm not interested. Don't even try blackmailing me. My grades are spotless. I'm not gonna be some booty call. If that's all I'll just be going." 

You gripped your bag on your shoulder, heading for the door. His arm took your wrist, and you dropped your bag, ready to fight if necessary.

"You don't understand." 

The blue light that circled around his eyes made your own grow wide. You clenched your fists. 

"Decepticon!!" 

Yanking your hand back, you raised your fists, firing a punch at his face. He jumped back in surprise, and you used the distraction to grab something to chug at him. 

The lamp on his desk seemed like a good choice. You ripped it off the desk, throwing it, and he dodged, raising his hands as you tried to run for the door. All you had a chance to do was place them on the lock, somehow he was behind you, and your breath quickened in fear. His hands came down on the door, caging you there, and you froze.

"I suppose I should be proud, you do handle yourself very fairly well." 

The change of his voice made you shiver. He sounded strangely like...

"Optimus..." 

You whisper. He just let out a soft chuckle, and when your eyes connected, that's when you knew. His orbs were still glowing a brilliant blue, the same sapphire light you'd seen for years.

"How...what..why are you..you're voice is.." 

You could barely get an actual sentence out, and he smiled at you. 

No wonder the name sounded so familiar, he'd told you about it once. He still had you pressed into the door. His hand came down, resting on your cheek.

"It seems even in death, Ratchet has been looking out for us. When he was still with us, he was looking into getting us to blend in with humans. He wanted us to be protected, especially when we were being hunted by the government."

"So he..he found a way to turn you human?"

"Yes, with the help of my lifeforce, Ratchet has modified a device to assist us. Ironhide had kept it for this very moment. He wanted us to use it when the war was finally over. So we could live in peace. "

He gestured to the watch on his wrist, and you blinked. Up close it seemed like a regular accessory, but as you leaned in closer, you could make out the blue light that mirrored the one in his eyes. The watch seems to be almost fused with his skin.

"Woah..." 

It was crazy, you would have never guessed.

"That's amazing, e-even your voice sounds different. You sound so..so.."

"American." 

He smirked.

"I suppose that was another advantage to his technology. "

"But how come you're teaching here! You need a degree and references and college."

"I'm very versed at manipulating data (Y/N)."

Right, he was an alien robot after all.

"Anthropology, it's a topic that mirrors the studies I did back on Cybertron. It reminds a little of my home. I downloaded everything on the subject into my drive so I could teach efficiently."

There was still the most glaring question.

"Why do all this. I-I thought I was pretty clear yesterday Optimus. I-I can't move on if you're always here. I'm done chasing after you. Now you're here at my college. Are you really that heartless! Why can't you just let me-" 

He leaned in, and you gaped when his lips pressed to your own. You struggled for a moment, trying to push him off, but he was stronger. You hated this, how easily he was able to make you feel so much. Closing your eyes, you gave in.

When you felt his tongue parting your lips, you responded, leaning tentatively into his body. He sighed, tightening his grip on your wrist as he kept your bound to the door. How do you walk away when his kiss felt like your own personal heaven. 

The minute his tongue touched yours, your knees almost buckled. Gosh, how many times did you imagine kissing Optimus. Who were you kidding, there was absolutely no way you could forget about him. Your free hand slipped into his hair, and you tugged, earning an appreciative groan from him. When he finally retracted, you were panting, and a bit confused.

Why did he even kiss you?

"I realized that up until now I've been doing what I can to keep you at a distance. It wasn't because I didn't return your feelings (Y/N). Through our years together, I've always felt drawn to you. I choose to ignore it because I know that I could not have a future with you. As an autobot, I cannot give you what you deserve. "

So this whole time he was just scared.

"It may be hard for you to accept my apology, even after I've hurt you so much for so long, but I would like a chance to be a part of your life (Y/N). I'd like to be in your future, if you'll have me."

He didn't even have to ask.

"Of course I'll have you Optimus, that's all I've ever wanted. " 

He caresses your cheek, and you're smiling a bit bashfully.

"How did you learn to you know..kiss like that.." 

He's now wearing a sly grin. 

"Instinct I suppose." 

When his thumb brushes your lower lip, you quiver, closing your eyes. You want nothing more than his lips back on your own. 

"Back in class, I was sure you'd figure me out. When our eyes connected you gave me that look, one I've seen you wear many times. I finally understand what it means. How foolish that I didn't realize sooner." 

You blush. So you weren't imagining that either. It's almost like you felt him way before you put the pieces together.

"W-We're going to have to be careful at school though. It'll be bad if someone caught us like this." 

You're saying this in hopes that he'll let you go so you can get your heart to stop racing. If he kisses you again, you might not have the will to stop.

"I'm a very careful person," He says smoothly.

"Optimus we-"

"It's Mr. Pax." 

You glare at him, and he's still smirking at you.

"Please, there's no way you're getting me to say that. "

"Really?" 

He says that it's almost like a challenge. This time when he moves in, his lips rest on neck, you pull in a breath, a bit surprised at the move.

"O-O-Optimus I'm serious we can't.." 

He nibbles at your skin, and you can't even bring yourself to finish the sentence. Now he's leaving open mouth kisses, and you're trembling.

"You smell amazing, taste even better.." 

He mumbles on your flesh. 

Your chest is rising with every quick strum of your heartbeat, and you try pushing your thighs together to elevate the pressure. But that just encourages him to lean closer, pushing his leg between your thighs. Where the hell did this side of him come from. He uses his hand to tilt your head to gain better access to your neck, and you moan when his kisses become a bit more determined. There will definitely be marks when he's done. 

"M-Mr. Pax.." 

You stammer out. He stops, pulling back with a grin.

"Was that so hard?" 

You're about to yell at him for his recklessness, but he kisses you once again. With a sigh of defeat, you fold. There's no use pretending you don't love everything he's doing. That's how it's always been.

A future with Optimus, you can't wait. 

[smww4ever]

How I See It

I have no idea how to write this but I feel that I need to. The flow of words has been in my mind all day, after having spent some time watching clips from the Superman and Lois show, and comments from people on my SMWW accounts when it comes to SuperWonder. So I'm going to mesh it all together so you can understand if you decide to read through.

The clips were suggested by Youtube. I wasn't looking for it but came upon it and you know how it goes. You kinda binge watch these scenes. I was traumatized watching it. Yes. It reminded me of the drama I lived through as a child with my parent's marriage. What even made it all the more ridiculous was the guy has superpowers. So it didn't seem like he was helping the world, just his small world. And then you had the villains. They happened to be people of his own kind. Again not helping the world I stepped back and looked at it all and said this is a "soap opera".

But the appeal of the soap opera of this show is this is how the vast majority of comics fans want to see Superman. Just a regular schmuck in a regular marriage plus kids with a bossy woman. A female who has a strong personality, wears the pants in the house, not a real beauty, was promiscuous in her early days, but managed to bag the most eligible bachelor in comics.

Then of course I had to read the comments. What a trove of laughs that was. I screenshot many, but it would take time for me to crop and upload so I'm just writing. Things like that actress is a horrible Lois, not easy on the eyes. Then you have the responses to that which were basically, you're dumb, she a beauty better than Erica. (Erica in my opinion is a beauty.)

Then comments on the actor who plays Superman. How he's the best ever. (For me he looks like a vampire werewolf. Always has.) Then someone brought up how both are so alarmingly skinny. How is this supposed to be believable that they are these characters.

That point which is good point btw, got attacked. Again it's character assassination of the commenter that they never had a real relationship, or aren't a true Superman fan and live in the basement of their parents, because who cares about their looks..."they have CHEMISTRY!'

Whew!

I just had a weird, condescending comment about an image I posted on Threads. Let me tell you that Threads is a different beast. There are many people who have left X and other platforms even IG to congregate there and bish about everything. They are full of opinions. And self-proclaimed experts. They may not say it but you can tell by their posts.

There is some different content I post on Threads because the crowd is just different. After watching the clips, I saw the writers made a new character. An older brother of Superman who was abandoned. So they made more drama. Of course this brother is a villain. I can't tell you how predictable this was when I saw it. I chuckled the whole time. Tal-Rho has a problem with humans and doesn't like Lois or Kal's family. And yes, the brother calls him Kal. He has a British accent too. How predictable. Adds more to the condescension of the older Kryptonian sibling. But Kal is the name that Diana uses. So I don't know if that's an unintended or intended diss at her. As if this Superman doesn't care at all about his Kryptonian heritage or whatever. All that matters is Lois and his family. Who by the way are superwhiny. Looking at you Jordan. Like spank this kid already.

Then I had to step back even further. Because why is this show popular with this group of fans. Why do they consider it the best depiction of Clark and Lois? I even had someone say that it's for fans who are familiar with Superman characters. Because of course, I as a SuperWonder fan couldn't possibly be familiar with Superman characters just because I think and favor Diana as a true, romantic partner. Never mind that I'm older than a dinosaur and actually saw the Superman movie in the theaters. Ha! But I digress.

Really any other woman would be better at this point. I had a collab artist on IG send me an animation of Kal with Kara. I know there's a weird niche fandom that ships them. I looked at it and I'm like it works! That works too. Too bad that it's his cousin. They even did a comic about it in the golden age.

Why do all these other pairings work in my eyes?

Well first the problem here is that Superman and Lois is answering a need with people. There is a problem with dating, marriage, relationships and men and women in general right now. You see it with MGTOW and feminism and everything in between.

They see this as an ideal relationship. Or relationship goals. Their fantasy to be like them. I read "Oh they are so adorable." And this after Lois berates him. I mean do they even know what an ideal relationship is? Is that really it?

It's also relatable. Because Superman who is basically a killing machine. Step back and look. He can shoot lasers out of his eyes. I see you Homelander and Brightburn. They made him adorable and dumbed down. Harmless like a "golden retriever". That's what Clois fans call him.

So he is a puppy. He's Lois's puppy.

See he's not acting like a god. He's harmless. See he wears glasses. (A guy with supervision wears glasses all the time.) Like all the time. He's just Clark. Little farmboy. Average dude. A dork. And he's just happens to have superpowers. That's what is digestible to this fandom. It's a perfect fantasy to their eyes. What Superman should be!

No, not really.

So I can understand how they see Diana and Clark. It is threatening. It's a no-no. They are too perfect or godlike. Un-relatable. (But yet for Halloween, everybody wants to be them. In all my times as a cosplay photographer, I only saw one Lois Lane cosplay, one.).

I've strived to make them relatable and adorable in the art. Dare I say I have proven that Diana and Clark/Kal work. I used Ai to do it. But I did it. They have CHEMISTRY. Haha.

So now I have to step back even further.

Why for 80 years has this been the relationship for this character. Because you know that's what they'll say.

Because the second thing is, this is a Nephilim trope. Call it lore, history, myth. It is so ingrained into our consciousness. This idea of a super-being coming down to save us.

The creators of Superman said they were inspired by Moses because they were Jewish. And Moses was a savior in Hebrew history. But it's more than that. Either they didn't know or knew. I have no idea but inspiration can be an interesting thing.

Superman acts more like an angel. A being that looks human but has these amazing superpowers. That's what a Nephilim is. Half human and half angel. And the lore or history is written about in the Bible and even the Book of Enoch. Now that's a rabbit hole, you might want to go down, Alice!

Because that is what constantly gets brought up in the comments. How can Lois have coitus with a guy like Superman. And man do we have explanations and excuses. Of course all made up by writers.

The bio-aura field that protects anyone close to him.

The perfect control he exercises when performing intercourse so she doesn't wind up like the woman with Hancock.

The red sun gizmo that is used to make him human in order for him to do the big nasty and then he recharges in the sun.

Or going to Argo City and getting Lois pregnant there. Everybody is a regular schmo there!

Bonus: movie moment where he gives up his powers!

All those can be possible. If we look at him as an angel. Because in the lore, angels came down and chose human wives and impregnated them. They gave birth to 'men of renown'. Guys with superpowers.

I remember watching the Lois and Clark show back in the day. I also binge watched that show when it was available on Netflix. So that was many years ago. I remember a scene where Superman swallowed a bomb. And it exploded inside of his belly and he just belched a fiery burp.

That was the weirdest thing I had seen. Later on seeing them in bed floating just didn't make sense. They were both floating. That is some angelic sheeit right there.

Afterwards tho I felt like something was amiss. Like something is flawed with all this. It was romantic but flawed. My epiphany came then when I saw Diana with Kal and it made perfect sense. I think this was the time New 52 came out. Boy did it ruffle feathers.

Oh and most angels have "el' in their names to indicate that they are angelic beings. No surprise we have "Kal-El of the House of El". His names translates basically to "voice of God".

So Clois fans are consuming a Nephilim trope.

But would that make Superman a good angel or fallen one?

Well think on that. I think I may be running out of space. So I'll wrap this up.

So what if he's not an angel but an actual ALIEN from another world.

Looks like a human. But who's biology is radically different. Different enough that his cells turn into steel. Invincible. Not subject to death. He can regenerate. The photons, radiation and rays from the sun give him this invulnerability. Let's just ponder that alone. I'm not gonna talk about his other powers. Like his eyes can supercharge heat vision. Or that his lungs can blast cold air. Or that he can defy gravity. Etcetera...

I had a friend who worked out. He showed me his progress. I was impressed. When he pumped up his arm to show off his biceps, I had to feel it. It was like steel.

There are days when I can't even open up a jar of pickles. And you expect a human woman to be ok with an alien that can pull a cargo ship with a chain?

If I were Lois, I would be like nope.

If I were Superman, I would know that an earthling would be fragile.

So that really begs the question, why did Jor-El send Kal-El to Earth of all the planets and galaxies.

28 galaxies mentioned in the lore in the old movies. Mind you, I'm talking of stuff that is made up. There were several other places for such a highly evolved civilization to send "the Last Son of Krypton" to, right? Well, he's not the last son in Superman and Lois. See Superman can be re-written. That is essentially what they did in this show. Remember how I said his small world. In this show, he didn't use his Kryptonian tech to cure Lois of cancer. Like wth?

You know, off tangent there was a clip of him and Lois and the actress looked so much like Margot Kidder, but it was the Bizarro version however it was crazy. Over the top drama. It depicts them as who they really are. It's been there underlying in the depictions in all iterations. You need to see it. Maybe I can link it here. Here it is: Crazy!

I mentioned this a while back that the Superman you see with Diana is not the Superman with Lois. It really is the case.

I know Clombies talk down on Kingdom Come. But maybe in his older years, he got wise. Of course Diana made the choice to be with him. There was obviously something there. He had to have had feelings right. I know I can bring up comics and history to prove SuperWonder, but to a Clois fan that sheeit don't matter. They don't care.

Most are living through a comic book fantasy.

I see it with SuperWonder. And I'm being honest here. Most will like the young lovers they see in the art. Most will not like the older depictions. I see that with the views and likes. Of course there are fans who appreciate both. But for newbies who see them together, they prefer to live through that "young love". You know the butterflies you get when you're young and in love. When you're young you're invincible and at the peak of your vitality. Young people have a hard time envisioning what old age is about or how it will be. I've read the comments everywhere.

I don't think SuperWonder is perfect. No relationship is. However it is the better one. It really depends on the writer and how it's written. They really didn't give it a chance. I try to explore and depict them in many different ways. Especially for two beings that have longevity of life and similarities like twin flames, there would be a lot going on there.

It's hard for people to see their heroes age. Or have families. Or die. I used to get angry emojis when I did that Silver Series last year. No they can't get grey hair or old. How dare you! LOL

Probably why we see the same origin stories repeated. Or rebooted.

As for SuperWonder, there would need to be a paradigm shift. Which I've mentioned before. But this wouldn't have been a problem if we had interactions and live action of just them being friends, for Pete's sake. Snyder didn't give us anything. Wasted opportunity with Reeve and Carter. DC in it's current state isn't giving much with Gunn. It'll be a flop with the same old story. And then even with Clois fans, their show was ended.

They could have given us the multiverse but I'm afraid the WB and the folks behind all this, are just running it all into the ground.

Then of course they gave the public AI. And I think it will be in public use in a few years. So the people will be their own story tellers and movie makers.

I think so. I hope so. I got stories.

[captainsspnanon]

C3E22 - reaction

Using Critrolestat’s liveblogged tweets to make sure I cover everything I wanted to, because I went to sleep pretty much right after watching the episode and need to remember.

First things first, I can’t tell if I am shipping Fearne/Orym or not.  Either I am shipping them, or I’m just desperate for Liam and Ashley interactions.  There was nowhere near enough Pike Vax conversations, nor Yasha Caleb.  So I’m jonesing hard for that pair to get more screentime together, PLEASE.  I love it so much!

Okay, into the episode proper.

Having Ashley back definitely cemented that only the PCs can really play the PCs.  Even when Matt does his best, it still never flows as well as the actual player.  Same with his bit of Dorian at the end of the episode, it just doesn’t work without Robbie.

Fearne’s exploration of Ashton’s head is so in character I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before.  There’s a lack of boundaries with her, but the staring and touching is so true to force.  I know Fearne/Ashton is starting to get popularity as a ship, and while I’m not shipping it, I can see it.  I’m glad that Ashley and Taliesin are getting the ability to have good interactions in C3, I know that having Molly die really put the breaks on their RP together, at least for closer PCs.

MEMRIEEESSSS!  I love how we got a lot more about Ashton this episode.  I’m glad that I’ve been enjoying them regardless, this new level, while it adds intrigue, doesn’t suddenly make me go ‘okay, now I’m interested’.  I’ve been interested after the first few episodes, and it just adds depth to their characterization. LOL at missing memories again though.  It doesn’t actually remind me of Molly and how his schtick worked, and I’m pleased with the separation between the two PCs for me now.  I know there was fanbase speculation on Ashton missing memories, and I still disagree with most of what I was seeing early game.  The missing memories seem to be just related to this one job, not some ongoing thing.

Controversial comment, but we are now four for four, so I just need to accept that Taliesin is not interested in roleplaying more vulnerable emotions.  Anger, lashing out, sarcasm, stunned silence, sure.  *shrugs*  I just need to get over my disappointment, and enjoy what Tal puts out for me to see, rather than want him to show more. This is where I’ve always held true – as much as it’s a show that we see live, I still want the players to be playing for themselves.  And if Tal doesn’t want to play those emotions, I need to not want to demand it from him.  He’ll say his PC is having a panic attack or a heart attack or whatever, and I need to just take it from there and not want further RP into it.

I’m really enjoying Jiana Hexum and I hope she keeps coming as a reoccurring NPC.  As proprietary as she was over FCG, she’s also shown that over Ashton while he was still in her debt, so it seems to be more her treating of people that she deems herself above.  I would love to see how the relationships with her would change or have impact on the story as the game progresses and the PCs grow.

Going with that thought, I’m glad to have real solid confirmation now that when FCG is being snarky, it’s not Sam doing it OOC.  This, more than anything, I think is helping me connect more with FCG as a PC.  When they were all just ‘smiley day’ therapy bot, it felt very shallow, and as much as knowing that Sam for sure had something planned, I just wasn’t connecting as well, and FCG was at the bottom of my favorites list.  Now that we’re seeing more of varied emotions and thoughts coming through, it’s lending more depth to the character and I’m excited to see where it goes, not just what the mechanical glitches would mean.

(BTW- I do like everyone from C3, so the favorites ranking is just how I’m vibing with them, no one is in a ‘dislike’ status!)

Okay, the fact that the ladies are thirsting hard after Eshteross is amazing and I don’t want it to stop, EVER.   ...that’s a crack ship I’d be down for, ngl.

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPP!!!!!!!!  I love how excited they always get over maps, it’s such genuine delight, but also WE NEED TO GO EVERYWHERE ON IT which I’m sure Matt truly appreciates.

Speaking of though, a big difference I’m seeing between C2 and C3 is where the PCs stories are taking place.  C2, every story was spread out across the continent, and while some would have overlap, the individual aspects still took place all over.  C3?  Everyone seems to be converging in the same areas.  Bassuras is Ashton and FCG and Eshteross plot, Aeshanadoor is Orym and Imogen and Chetney and is very close to Bassuras.  It’s giving the world still a bit of a sandbox feel like C2 was, but there’s much more obvious pointed signs saying ‘you want to go here’.  Plus, it’s keeping the group together, because it’s not just an offshoot trip for one person, it’s multiple people being impacted by one trip, so of course why wouldn’t the group go together?   I’m honestly not sure how I feel about it, I think because I like it and am a little disappointed at the same time?  I like it because it IS providing that structure to the campaign, and it’s keeping things moving more fast paced and tied together.  On the other hand, Marquet seems like a large continent.  And everything they need it all nicely grouped together?  I really enjoyed how much the C2 gang actually ended up traveling and going all over, but I’m wondering if the C3 gang is going to feel more like the C1 gang.  Traveling a bit, but here are your main hubs that you come back to all the time.  Way too early to judge now, so I’m still excited to see how it goes!

AIRSHIP!  Oh, I don’t know how I feel about this either!  On the one hand, yay they can easily get to their destinations that they want to go to!  On the other hand, boo, they can EASILY get to the destinations they want to go to, so we lose out a bit on the journey aspect.  You gave us a map full of sinkholes, but now you’re just gonna fly over it.  (I fully acknowledge that I’m speaking on this WAY too early.  This is one of the things you can’t even really judge til mid or late campaign.  For all I know, Matt’s planning on having the airship downed, or they have the airship for ONE trip there, but then need to go back and will need to go the long way.  Or if they DID go the long way, it wouldn’t be as played out as much.)

FINALLY they talk about Chetney attacking Orym.  The whole scene with Ajit was great and really added a lot of plot threads for Chetney to cling to, as well as a direction.  I fall in a weird boat with Chetney, especially while rewatching C2.  I adore Chet and he’s great, but oh man he’s no Fjord.  And bits where Fjord would learn where to go just hit better to me than with Chetney.  I don’t know, I do love Chet, but I can’t wait to start getting in depth stuff from him.  A lot of what we’ve seen with him is humorous, even when it leads into deeper backstory stuff (the Ultgar mention standoff).

*snerk*  Oh Ashton, you wanted to keep everyone using your buddy at the stalls rather than go into the Trove of Marwa, and then as soon as the group went there no one wanted to leave.  XD  I still wonder if this is going to have impact down the line or not.  Either way, Marwa’s amazing and I love everything about her.  Considering we have Gilmore shirts and Pumat Sol shirts, I wonder if Marwa is going to end up being the C3 storekeeper shirt.

Fearne and Chetney both taking a dip into Rogue.  I look forwards to seeing where this goes!

@suicidallyreckless

[rosachaotic]

Remember when i said Talbott and Cereza werent over? Yeah.

I promised yall i would write a continuation of this. For those dont remember that happend, here

Anyways enjoy the fanfic!

Warning: none?? Its more just angst then fluff.(but sorry for my bad english and wording im not very good at writing and I wrote this on mobile)

It's been two months and few days since the big argument Talbott and Cereza had on the hospital wings.

This all happened because Cereza tried to do all the investigation and take down R by herself, but of course that plan failed and it backfired on her very badly. She fought the wizard in white and almost died because of it, losing her consciousness after he ran away, fortunately she was found by Moody who was searching for her after her twin brother said she went missing and was taken to the hospital wings.

She was scolded for it of course, and after that her friends went to visit her. All of her friends were worried for her, especially her twin brother Michael who jumped into her hugging her tight, crying, not realizing her whole body was in pain before he quickly let her go.

After a long chat with her friends and twin brother Talbott got in but he didn't look happy, he asked for everyone to leave him and Cereza alone because he wanted to talk to her, everyone left confused to what was going on.

Outside people could hear both Talbott and Cereza arguing with each other, Talbott was disappointed that Cereza lied to everyone including him about not having any information that could be useful for Circle ot Khanna and that she did is by herself he thought she was dead she could have died because of her reckless decision, Cereza tried to explain herself by saying she thought what she was doing was the right because she wanted to protect everyone which didn't make Talbott feel any less worse but the opposite. Both kept arguing with each other until Talbott storms out of hospital wings not looking at his friend's faces who were waiting outside, Penny tried to stop him but he just ignored her and walked away, once everyone back inside to the hospital they saw Cereza holding back her tears but she did a very job at it once everyone was inside and started crying.

----

Cereza rarely saw Talbott after what happened, she only saw him on the classes they shared but even then he didn't even talk to her, she decided to let it be not wanting to bother Talbott and she thought that this was the end of their relationship. This broke her alot, the happy girl that was always smiling and giggling all the time wasn't there anymore, not only she felt bad for what she did but she thought she lost one of the people she loved the most.

That was until Cereza got a letter in the morning, Andre gave it to her and said "It's from Talbott." She quickly opened the letter and read the paper that said:

"We need to talk. Meet me after dinner in the courtyard."

-Talbott

She thanked Andre for the letter who nodded and said "I hope everything works out for you guys." And left, Cereza also hoped that things would work out but she couldn't help but feel anxious about it. What did he want to talk about after dinner? Why did it have to wait?

"Does he want to end our relationship once and for all?" Cereza thought all day, Cereza knew how to be patient but this waiting was killing her.

During dinner she barely ate anything, Rowen(M!Rowan) was trying to make her eat something but she couldn't.

"You have to eat something, you can't sleep with an empty stomach." Said Rowen, worried for his best friend trying to make her eat. He knew about the letter, Cereza told him about it and he knew how nervous and anxious she was because of it.

"I can't, this wait is killing me.'' Cereza said anxiously.

She then looked around, noticing that Talbott wasn't at the ravenclaw table or at any table of the other houses.

"Did you see Talbott walk in?" Asked Cereza, still looking around, Rowen shook his head.

"No, I didn't, I don't think he is coming for dinner today." Rowen took a bite of his food as he said that.

"Why? Do you know about something??"

"No, no, but...Penny said she didn't see all day, he didn't go to any of his classes." Cereza felt her heart drop, this wasn't like him, he would NEVER miss any class, if there was something Talbott was proud of himself is that he was an excellent student.

"This isn't like him…" Whispered Cereza."I cant, i have to go."

"Wha- B-But dinner time isn't over yet!"

"I'm sorry Rowen, but I have to go."

"...Okay, good luck Cere!"

Cereza nodded and left the great hall running, she opened the big door to the corridor and rushed past the students to the courtyard.

As she got outside she looked around.

There he was, sitting on the tree trunk looking at the stars just like he would when he waited for her for their dates.. Cereza sighed with relief knowing that Talbott was okay...or was he?

She took a deep breath and walked toward him, stopping right before him.

"Hey…" Talbott jumped at hearing Cereza's voice, he was probably so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear her walk in.

"Oh, Sorry I didn't hear you coming in…" Said Talbott awkwardly.

"Its okay…"

"..."

"Penny said she didn't see you all day, you also didn't come for dinner as well."

"I felt sick all day and I wasn't hungry."

"Oh...I'm sorry, I hope you're better now."

Silence took over, the only sound they heard was the cold night wind, making things kinda awkward. Until Talbott coughed and said

"Sit here with me." He tapped right next to him, Cereza then climbed the tree trunk and sat right next to him.

Again, the awkward silence.

Cereza then looked at the sky, it was a pretty starry night, she could see some shooting stars.

" The night is beautiful tonight isn't it?" Asked Talbott, breaking the silence.

"Yeah. It is beautiful."

"It reminds me of when we used to have our dates here, you would make wishes for the shooting stars."

"Stupid wishes, I know." Cereza giggled at her own stupid self.

"I never thought they were stupid." Said Talbott.

"Even the one where I wished for a giant puffskein?"

Cereza shook her head smiling a little bit and she also noticed Talbott was smiling a little as well, she missed seeing him smile, but they weren't there to watch the stars.

"Hey, if that's your wish, who am i to judge?

"Talbott-"

"Yeah?"

"Listen, I-I know you said you wanted to talk to me in your letter, but I want to say something first." Said Cereza nervously, while staring at the floor.

"...Go ahead."

She took a deep breath and then looked at his warm striking hazel, who met her golden eyes. Then she finally said:

"...I'm sorry."

"...Wha-"

"I'm sorry for what I did, Talbott. It was very dumb of me try to all of that on my own and it was and it was insensitive and bad of me not to tell you guys the information I had about R."

"Cereza-"

"I should have trusted you all to defend yourselves without my help, I shouldn't have lied to you guys about not finding anything."

"Cereza listen-"

"I shouldn't have done that, I could have died and i didn't thought about how you, my family and the rest of our friends would feel about it if I died, you were right when you said things wouldn't get any better if I-"

"CEREZA!"

Cereza jumped at Talbott who raised his voice at her, he gripped her shoulders and made her look at him, his eyes staring at her but he didn't look angry he looked sad.

"Just...listen to me please."

Cereza nodded and whispered "sorry" and let him talk.

"Look...after what happened, i couldn't stop thinking about that night on hospital wings. That night kept playing in my head over and over every time I went to bed...I felt awful"

"Huh-"

"I felt awful, Cereza. After I calmed down I realized what I just did and how I shouldn't have talked to you that way, but it was too late, I was already at my dorm and I couldn't bring myself to come back."

"..."

"I was ashamed."

"Is that the reason why you were avoiding me?"

Talbott nodded, he took a deep breath as if was holding himself to not cry.

"I thought you hated me."

"..."

"So I avoided you and everyone else as well, it was painful."

"Tal I-"

"I should have thought of your feelings, how were you feeling that made you do all of that yourself."

"...You had all the rights to react the way you did, it was a stupid and dangerous decision that I made."

"But I still shouldn't have said those things to you."

"..."

"I let my emotions take over me, my heart dropped when I saw Moody carrying you to the hospital wings....blood all over you and you unconscious and i thought i lost you..."

"..."

"When i heard you were alive, I was so happy and relieved...but when i heard about why you did that when I heard Michael talking to Moody I...I dont know what came over me, i was angry and disappointed"

"...I know-"

"Not only on you, but mostly on myself"

"..W-why? Why were you angry at yourself??"

"Because I thought I failed you, I couldn't protect you, I couldn't be there for you."

"But it wasn't your fault-"

"Let me finish..."

"..."

"But that doesn't excuse what I did, i didnt think about what you were feeling, how you were feeling. Your feelings that made you do this and your feelings after it...I called you selfish but I was even more selfish…"

"Tal…"

Cereza's hand went to Talbott's cheek, who jumped at her touch but then rested his face on her hand holding her hand even more close to his face. He closed his eyes while he felt her warmth on his skin again after so long.

"I'm sorry Cereza, I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for everything."

"I forgive you."

Talbott's eyes quickly opened as he looked at her, he was surprised but it also looked like a heavy weight was lifted off his shoulders. She continued:

"But...do you forgive me as well?"

"Of course I do."

Cereza also felt as if a heavy weight was lifted off her shoulders as well, she smiled as she felt tears run down her face and she had to take off her glasses to clean it.

"I-I thought...I thought you called me to end everything between us." Said Cereza as she cried while she tried to clean her tears off her face. She was shaking a little and her breath was also shaky.

"I would never do that." He whispered. "If anything, I was more afraid of you wanting to break up with me."

Talbott got closer to her and hugged tight on to his body, catching her by surprise.

Cereza returned the tight hug, smiling while tears rolled down her face, Talbott also had tears rolling down his face who tried to hide by hiding his face on her shoulder but his shaky breath and the way he sniffed quietly gave it away he was crying. Cereza's hand went to Talbott's hair and was caressing his hair.

"I thought I was going to lose you." Whispered Talbott, not wanting to let her go.

"I thought the same thing…" Cereza whispered back, kissing his head.

Both of them stopped hugging each other as they cleaned their faces but still kept close, Talbott's hand travelled to Cereza's face and caressed her cheek, his hand was cold as always but Cereza never cared about that, she liked his touch.

They both stared at each other, they both knew it was awkward the way they stared at each other but they did not care, their gazes were filled with intense love.

Talbott kept his hand on Cereza's cheek and kissed her other cheek gently but his face didn't move away, in fact he kept face very close to hers moving only a little to her lips, their noses were touching each other and they could feel their heavy breaths, Cereza closed her eyes as she felt her heartbeat go very fast and her face was red, Talbott heart also felt like it was going to jump from his mouth and even his ears were dark red. He brushed his nose on to hers but then kissed her nose, he caressed her cheek once more smiling, Cereza then opened her eyes and saw his smile and smiled back at him. Both of them giving loving smiles at each other.

"I love you." Said Talbott.

Cereza's hand went to Talbott's face and to his cheek as well, as she sighed and smiled again.

"I love you too, meu amor.'

Talbott's smile grew as he heard again the loving way Cereza called him using her first language, while they didn't have their first kiss yet what matters is that they were both together again.

"Just promise to me that you will be more careful." Said Talbott.

Cereza nodded.

"I will...but, do you promise to never leave my side?" Asked Cereza, Talbott chuckled and said:

"I promise, my sunshine."

[lieutenant-simp]

Stuck With Pity (2)

F!Reader x Wanda Maximoff

Warnings: definitely some PG-13 stuff. Cussing? Angst too but if has a happy ending this time.

Summary : After the whole fiasco in the elevator do you hash it out with Wanda or wallow in self pity. Only your friends can make you go and figure your shit out.

Not my Gif

A/N: I changed R from GN! to F! cause I wanted to. This was requested by one person, and you my friend will get what you ask for. Thank you for showing so much love to the first part too. ilysm. This was not proofread so take it as you will. Please leave me requests!!

Words: 2,202

Read the first part here !

Sitting in the elevator the tears now falling freely from her eyes Wanda can’t even muster the strength to push the button to her floor. The look in your eyes when you looked at her broke her heart, and it’s all her fault. She knew that you valued privacy, everyone did, so why did she go in your head. She just sobs silently trying to think of how to fix this.

“F-FRIDAY, t-t-take me to m-my room” She can barely get the words out before she cries harder. The only thing going through her mind is you, the emotion on your face twisting her heart more and more when she looks at you. You’re friends, you tended to make you nervous, and now she understood why. She ruins everything with you, she went against your privacy, her reasons didn’t matter, she never got permission.

The doors open slowly and she barely makes it to her bed before collapsing again. Her mind, usually in order, to keep her powers under control, but right now she can’t think of anything but you and how she messed up. All her fears were coming true, you hated her.

-

Taking the stairs two at a time, desperately trying not to fall from your distorted vision. Reaching the stairs to your floor you feel as if you cannot even get the door open fast enough. Closing your it behind you fall to the floor. You curl up pulling your legs to your chest and resting your head on them. The tears running down, subsequently wetting your knees as you cry.

Wanda hates you now, that was your worst fear. Not only did she hate you but the utter pity she felt for you. It’s why you never opened up to any of the Avengers. You’re not helpless, you’ve saved their asses multiple times in countless missions, you are far from helpless. But when Wanda looked at you, you knew she thought you were, a lost puppy, and that’s why you never opened up to any of them. Especially her, you loved her and now she thinks you need saving.

The crying subsiding you stand slowly then walk to your bedroom, stumbling slightly before falling into bed, cuddling yourself up in your blankets, and turning on the tv. If you were gonna wallow, you might as well be comfy and warm. You laugh quietly when you pick the show you watch with Wanda, a sitcom from the 50s, the tears already threatening to spill from your eyes again. You breathe slowly trying to focus on the show. You just spent half an hour crying you are not doing that again.

You don’t even register the door opening until Steve says something.

“Hey Y/N/N” You gasp and reach for your gun by your bedside table before noticing who it was. “Just me, sorry sorry. I tried knocking but you didn’t answer and I was worried and-“ you cut him off with you shaking your head. “Well, we-I was wondering what was wrong? You seemed to like my breakfasts and I- Are you crying?”

You turn your head away from him, you didn’t want him to pity you too. Now everyone was going to think you were helpless. You didn’t want to be seen as a kicked puppy.

Steve seems to understand what happened, as he was really the only one who knew your crush on Wanda. “I saw the elevator got stuck, and you were in there with Wanda, is that it?” You cry more and Steve comes over to sit on the chair next to your bed. “I’m sorry, I- should I get Nat or something to come in I don’t know what to do I -“ You cut him off

“She hates me now” You look up at Steve who is surprised by your talking again. “She-she looked in my head and she saw that I liked her, and I know she doesn’t like me back. She looked like I was just some sick animal that needed her pity” Your voice edged with anger with every word spoken. “she hates me” okay back to sad and now you’re crying.

“Well” You look at Steve, who is confused about how to help you, “I can guarantee that none of us pity you because quite frankly you don’t need us. But if it makes you feel better, I cried yesterday” You look at him puzzled. “Well Bucky was out yesterday and he got me flowers and I cried when he gave them to me, they were the ones I told him were my favorite when we trained together before we were frozen. He remembered and I cried” You just look at him more confused now. “you said you didn’t want pity, well I gave you something that made me cry so we’re even. No pity from you when I said it so now you know there isn’t pity from me”

"You didn't see her, she looked like she hated me. She saw it and I don't want to be seen as weak, especially from her" You hear Steve sigh slightly.

"Look Y/N, if she pitied you, she would've done it a long time ago, you would've noticed sooner. She has never given you any indication that she thought about you that way. You've been her shoulder to cry on before as well, you never pitied her. This shouldn't change anything." You nod at his words trying to understand them. You feel your head trying to twist them and prove him wrong, but you know he's right. Deep down you know he is, but you would never dare tell him that, it will go straight to his ego.

You laugh softly “For an old guy who isn’t good with the ladies, you know just what to say don’t you”

He claps for back gently. “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t” He removes his hand from your back, “I have to train now, but if you need anything from me, call me”

You laugh quietly, “Of course old man”

-

Wanda sits on her bed, the tears spilling from her eyes occasionally. She sits and watches a show, your show, the 50s sitcom you watch together. She wishes she could go back to when you first started watching it.

“Wandaaaa, you pick this time” You put the remote down and cross your arms.

“No Y/N, you pick I’m making the popcorn” Wanda stands in the kitchen grabbing drinks and indeed making popcorn.

“You put it in the microwave how hard can it be” you pout at her.

“Need I remind you of last weekend when you BURNT IT?!” You gasp slightly. Your face flushing.

“You promised to not bring it up again! As an apology, I accept you picking what we watch” You grin at her in triumph.

“Fine.” That was all she said before grabbing the popcorn and sitting down next to you. Not before grabbing your feet that sat at her end of the couch and putting them on top of her when she sat. Your mouth hangs slightly open, your feet are on her lap. Quickly gaining your composure, she hands you your bag of popcorn before eating a bite of her own. You smile at her softly.

“Thank you Ms. Maximoff” you nod your head slightly in appreciation. Before laughing at the groan Wanda gives you. She puts on a sitcom you haven’t seen before. It looks old. You hear Wanda gasp at you.

“It’s not that old, besides it’s good, you’ll like it” You grin sheepishly at her.

“Did you just read my mind ?” you ask laughing. “Ms. Maximoff how scandalous” She laughs at you.

“You think loud it is not my fault“ You grin at her a blush spreading across your face. You really did love her. And she loved you, you guys just didn’t know it yet.

Wanda sits on her bed, the show, your show, still playing, it's been an hour. Occasionally she’ll cry but it has mostly subsided, her thought however never strayed far from you, your face. Too lost in thought to hear her door being knocked on before a certain redhead slips in. Wanda only notices her company when she feels the bed dip down slightly.

"Hey, Nat" Wand gives her, her best grin. Her voice however hoarse and dry and it hurt to speak. "Wanda, we have been friends for a while now, I don't need to read minds to know that you're upset" She reaches out slightly to grab the other girl's shoulder. Wanda sighs softly, the tears already threatening to spill again.

“I- She hates me, Nat. She hates me. I-I read her mind and she hates me. I was trying to help her and then she looked at me and she was so upset with me and I know I shouldn’t have read her mind but I couldn’t help it. I don’t know what to do. All I seem to do is mess everything I love up. It’s only a matter of time before you leave too” Her words laced with anger at the last sentence. She looks up at Nat with tears in her eyes.

“Oh Wands. She doesn’t feel that what. You’ve read her mind countless times and she never reacted like this. You need to talk to her and- wait did you say that you loved her? Like in a friend way or-?” Wanda just buries her head in her hands.

“No, I love her. I just want to kiss her and tell her how much she means to me and I am always there for her and that she can always rely on me. She means everything to me” She groans “But I fucked it all up like I always do”

“Wanda, it’s okay. She very clearly feels the same way you just need to tal-“ Wanda glared at her

“You didn’t see her eyes, the way she looked at me, she hates me”

“Wanda, she doesn't hate you. she's in her room crying. Your her friend go help her. If you don't want her to actually hate you, go to her.” Wanda seems to nod as if she’s finally understanding. she stands abruptly.

She walks to the kitchen quickly grabbing the popcorn. Her anxiety rises every second that passes and she passes into the hall to the elevator. She waits patiently for it to reach your floor. She walks quickly to your bedroom door before she overthinks it too much and goes back to her room.

Her hand hovers over the door when it opens in front of her. Steve? He's coming out of your room, you guys were close I guess it makes sense but the little pit of jealousy is still there. Steve grabs Wanda arm gently before whispering in her ear

“Please don’t hurt her” Wanda can only nod before going in. She closes the door behind her. She looks at you and your eyes are red and swollen. You turn away from her.

“Why are you here?” It comes out as barely a whisper. If she wasn’t so focused on you she wouldn’t have heard it.

“I’m sorry, for going into your head. I just wanted to know what was wrong. I’m sorry for invading your privacy” You shake your head gently.

“No Wanda, that’s not why I’m upset” She looks at you, confusion written on her face. “I love you, and you don’t feel the same way. You looked at me, and you saw how much I cared for you and you felt bad. You- You pitied me and we’ve talked about how I feel about that before. You know I don’t want that, not from you. Wanda, you mean everything to me. I don’t want you to look at me as if I’m helpless though. I just, I care about what you think, I care about you. I know I’m rambling but I cannot go another day without telling you how I fe-“ You freeze, you feel soft lips on yours, Wanda's. You kiss back and wrap your arms around her waist. She kisses you gently.

“I love you too Y/N, I could never pity you, you’re so capable, and every day I’m jealous of how much you can do on your own” You smile at her.

“You mean that?” She shakes her head and you pull her in for another kiss. This one hungrier, rougher. You pull her on top of you, her legs move to straddle your hips. The food she brought was long forgotten. Her hands move to your hair pulling you closer. You pull back for air, the widest grin spreads across your face.

“You’re absolutely perfect” Wanda leans her head against yours. Before she kisses you back, pouring all her emotions into it. Your hands still resting at her sides. She stands slowly. “Stay please” She smiles at you.

“Of course Y/N/N, I wasn't planning on it” You smile and lean back onto your bed outstretching your hands. She laughs. She puts the popcorn she brought next to you as she climbs into your arms. Her head resting on your chest. “I love you too.”

[kira-bitz]

Edd was already fed up with his situation. How had it come to this? Well, the events have not happened long ago, they were still fresh in his memory.

And it was that his parents didn't saw with good eyes that, as he grew up, Edd developed a greater interest in cartoons and comics. Even traditional arts like painting and sculpture were alternatives they were willing to accept for their oldest son, but comics? Animations? He wasn't even talented enough to stand out from the crowd and have a promising future. This is how, when Edd mentioned his intention to study animation after finishing his studies at school, his father didn't hesitate to give him an ultimatum:

- Either you choose a traditional career as how it has to be, or you finance them by your own.

Edd already saw that answer coming, so he wasn't discouraged by his father's words. In a way he understood his fear, but that wasn't going to stop him, he would prove to them that he could fulfill his dream with or without their help. He had already planned what to do in advance, because due to the great income of money from his family, he knew that the loan or grant options wouldn't allow him to cover much of the cost of his studies if he continued living with them, so he was already focused in finding a part-time job. On the other hand, his friends Matt and Tom told him about their intentions to share a flat, in order to live in a more central place. Nothing could go wrong.

But there he was a year later, exhausted from the fifth merchandise landing of the night at the supermarket. Too tired to get home and get on with his college projects, he just wanted a shower and sleep. Wasn't there another type of work that drained less of his energy? A job that didn't take up so many hours of his day?

This is how Edd began to investigate in different places, increasingly corrupt sites, until in one of them reached at his ears the information of a certain business that was done in a night pool club, where in exchange for "requests" of clients a good sum of money was paid. Edd hesitated to try after seeing what kind of requests there were, but one in particular caught his eye.

“A guy on my campus constantly harasses me. I have denounced him repeatedly, but I haven't received a response from the authorities since he has not physically attacked me. I just want to give him the scare of his life so he can leave me alone. I'm scared."

Edd thought about it for a moment as he looked at the contact number attached to the application and the amount to be received for said service. He was tall, maybe not the most muscular boy, but he had knowledge of fights from his most rebellious school years. Plus, he had a pretty convincing dummy gun. Maybe... he could try.

When the day came, Edd took one last look at the photo of a blond young man to confirm that it was the same one he was watching casually walking down the sidewalk in front of him. He crossed the street while pulling on his hood and shoved the boy shorter than him into the alley, away from the public view. He grabbed him by the neck almost lifting him off the ground as the guy emitted little screams of terror:

- I know you, George Smith. I know where you live, your boring schedule, and that you were now on your way to see your friends Tyler and Henry at the place a few blocks from here. Too bad I'll have to spoil your fun.

Wide-eyed in sheer terror, the smaller guy watched as Edd took his gun from his back pocket, pulled the hammer and aimed it at George's head.

- If I see you near Miss Emily Brown again, I will come for you again, and I will not be alone.

Between screeches and gasps from George from the tight grip, Edd slammed his knee into his stomach, completely knocking the air out of his lungs. Finally, before George could catch his breath, and with one swift movement, Edd hit George over the head with his gun, knocking him out instantly.

The tallest one looked at the scene for a second and felt the adrenaline rush inside him. He has never felt something like this. It reminded him a bit of the school fights of yesteryear but with a much greater intensity. He felt control and uncontrolled at the same time. He liked it.

Slowly, Edd began to take more and more requests from people he called "in a situation of need for not acting of the law" sometimes allying with others like him when the service required more than one individual, and even going so far as to buy a real gun and learn how to use it to take less risk. With this new inflow of money, he could leave his other job since in less hours he was earning much more, he could pay for his studies without problem, improve his work team and pay the rent for his home.

And so he did, the day his new computer and drawing tablet arrived was the happiest day of his life. Tom and Matt were undoubtedly happy for him and when he finally had everything set up he called them over to see his latest model equipment. Edd didn't expect them to come into his room filming and celebrating the fruit of so much hard work. Between congratulations they took one last photo to keep for the memory.

- Thanks guys. You are the best.

Finally, already in the darkness of the night, an Edd could be seen without being able to sleep. Since, although in a couple of years he should no longer have the need to continue with this work, something had awakened in his being that said that what began as a need, was turning into an obsession.

---

Well here I brought the first promised backstory of the boys in the EW Lone Digger AU. I hope you like it! Please remember that this is fiction and that threatening people is bad, carrying weapons is bad, illegality is bad, etc asdfg.

And there is a small cameo of Ghost Friends since I will be part of the team of the first episode as character designer and that makes me happy 💖.

I take this opportunity to comment it is very likely that next week I will open commissions again, but I must adjust the prices and it will be probably 5 slots only for now.

Y para mi gente hispanohablante, abajo del Seguir Leyendo se encuentra la versión en español 😘

Edd ya estaba harto de su situación. ¿Cómo había llegado a esto? Bueno, los sucesos no habían ocurrido hace mucho, aún seguían frescos en su memoria.

Y es que sus padres no vieron con buenos ojos que, a medida que crecía, Edd desarrollaba un interés mayor por las caricaturas e historietas. Incluso artes tradicionales como pintura y escultura eran alternativas que estaban dispuestos a aceptar para su hijo mayor, pero ¿comics? ¿animaciones? Ni siquiera tenía tanto talento como para destacar del montón y tener un futuro prometedor. Así fue como, cuando Edd les mencionó sus intenciones de estudiar animación al terminar sus estudios en el colegio, su padre no dudó en darle un ultimátum:

- O eliges una carrera tradicional como corresponde, o la financias por tu cuenta.

Edd ya veía venir esa respuesta, por lo no se desanimó con las palabras de su padre. De cierta forma entendía su temor, pero eso no iba a detenerlo, les probaría que podía cumplir su sueño con o sin su ayuda. Ya tenía planificado qué hacer de antemano, pues debido a la gran entrada de dinero de su familia, sabía que las opciones de préstamos o subvenciones no le permitirían cubrir gran parte del valor de sus estudios si seguía viviendo con ellos, así que ya estaba mentalizado en encontrar un trabajo de medio tiempo. Por otra parte, sus amigos Matt y Tom le habían comentado sus intenciones de compartir un piso, para de esta forma vivir en un lugar más céntrico. Nada podría salir mal.

Pero ahí estaba un año después, agotado por del quinto desembarque de mercadería de la noche en el supermercado. Muy cansado como para llegar a casa y avanzar en sus proyectos universitarios, solo quería una ducha y dormir. ¿No existía otro tipo de trabajo que drenara menos de su energía? ¿Un trabajo que no ocupara tantas horas de su día?

Así fue como Edd se dedicó a investigar en diferentes sitios, sitios cada vez más corruptos, hasta que en uno de ellos llegó a sus oídos la información de cierto negocio que se hacía en un club de pool nocturno, donde a cambio de “solicitudes” de clientes se pagaba una buena suma de dinero. Edd, al ver el tipo de solicitudes que se habían dudó en intentarlo, pero uno en particular le llamó la atención.

“Un sujeto del campus me acosa constantemente. Lo he denunciado en reiteradas ocasiones, pero no he tenido respuesta de las autoridades ya que no me ha agredido físicamente. Solo quiero que le den el susto de su vida para que me deje en paz. Tengo miedo.”

Edd lo pensó un momento mientras observaba el número de contacto adjunto a la solicitud y el monto a recibir por dicho servicio. Él era grande, tal vez no el chico más musculoso, pero tenía conocimiento en peleas de su etapa escolar más rebelde. Además, tenía un arma falsa bastante convincente. Quizás… podría intentarlo.

Llegado el día, Edd miró por última vez la foto de un joven rubio para corroborar que era el mismo al que estaba observando caminar despreocupadamente por la vereda de en frente. Cruzó la calle mientras se colocaba la capucha y empujó al chico más pequeño que él al callejón, alejándolos de la vista pública. Lo sujetó del cuello casi levantándolo del suelo mientras el chico emitía pequeños chillidos de terror. Sacó su arma y apuntó a su cabeza:

- Te conozco, George Smith. Sé dónde vives, tu aburrido horario y que ahora te dirigías a ver a tus amigos Tyler y Henry en el local a unas cuadras de aquí. Lástima que tendré que arruinar tu diversión.

Con los ojos abiertos de puro terror, el chico más pequeño vió cómo Edd tomaba su arma del bolsillo trasero, jalaba el percutor y apuntaba a la cabeza de George.

- Si te vuelvo a ver cerca de la señorita Emily Brown vendré nuevamente por ti, y no estaré solo.

Entre chillidos y sonidos ahogados de George por el fuerte agarre, Edd le propinó un golpe seco con la rodilla a su estómago, sacándole completamente el aire de los pulmones. Finalmente, antes de que George pudiera recuperar el aliento, y con un rápido movimiento, Edd golpeó a George en la cabeza con su arma, noqueándolo instantáneamente.

El más alto miró por un segundo la escena y sintió cómo la adrenalina corría en su interior. Nunca había sentido algo así. Le recordó un poco a las peleas escolares de antaño pero con una intensidad mucho mayor. Sintió control y descontrol a la vez. Le gust��.

Poco a poco, Edd empezó a tomar cada vez más solicitudes de gente que él llamaba “en situación de necesidad por el no actuar de la ley”, a veces aliándose con otros como él cuando el servicio requería más de un individuo, e incluso llegando a comprar un arma real y aprender a usarla para correr menos riesgos. Con esta nueva entrada de dinero podría dejar su otro trabajo ya que en menos horas ganaba mucho más, podría pagar sus estudios sin problema, mejorar su equipo de trabajo y pagar la renta de su hogar.

Y así lo hizo, el día que llegó su nuevo computador y tableta gráfica fue el día más alegre de su vida. Tom y Matt estaban indudablemente felices por él y cuando por fin tuvo todo instalado los llamó para que vieran su equipamiento último modelo. Edd no esperaba que entraran a su habitación grabando y festejando el fruto de tanto trabajo duro. Entre felicitaciones tomaron una última foto para guardar para el recuerdo.

- Gracias chicos. Son los mejores.

Finalmente, ya en la oscuridad de la noche, se pudo ver a un Edd sin poder conciliar el sueño. Puesto que, aunque en un par de años ya no tendría la necesidad de seguir con este trabajo, algo había despertado en su ser que le decía que lo que empezó como una necesidad, se estaba convirtiendo en una obsesión.

[runwithwolvcs]

You Know I'm No Good - three

New Beginnings

Timeline: Takes place a few years after the events of Breaking Dawn

Pairing: Paul Lahote x OC (Tallulah is 18)

Warnings (future chapters): Drugs/Alcohol, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Jealousy, Mental Health, (Mentions of SA, but no details)

She was like the moon -- part of her is always hidden away

Tallulah looked to the boy in front of her, up close, in much better light than she had first seen him in, he looks older, worn and tired. Like he hasn't slept well in days. “I’m aware of who you are.” she stated in a matter of fact tone, and she watches as the smirk returns to his face. Great, an inflated ego, she thought. Tallulah is overly aware that his eyes are on her, like he's trying to read her uninterested expression. “I didn’t know Joseph had a third daughter,” he spoked tentatively, as if he would cause her to bolt if he said something wrong. She nodded her head in response, of course nobody knew. “Yeah, I’m the best kept family secret there ever was,” she eased out with a breathy laugh, “I didn’t mean it like that” he backtracked quickly, “I’ve just never seen you around the rez before”

Tallulah nodded her head in understanding, “my mom hates it here so she never brought me.” she stated before turning her body back towards the bar, hoping he’d get the hint that this was not what she wanted to be talking about. The next question out of his mouth being ‘why’, clearly meant he did not know how to read a room, causing her to turn her entire body back towards him, her face level with his as he was leaning against the counter, eyes looking into hers, as she venomously spoke, “because it's a giant reminder that her ex husband spent two years of their marriage being in love with another woman before leaving her to care for a child by herself while he lived happily ever after.” The look of shock on Paul's face didn’t surprise Tallulah in the slightest.

The waitress had dropped off both of their drinks and as she was about to open her mouth to drop another heated sentence she felt a petite arm wrap around her own, and a raspy feminie voice greeted Paul, to which he nodded in acknowledgment, barely taking his eyes off of Tallulah, “Sorry, Paul, but I need to steal my sister for a moment,”. Tallulah was now looking at the tall, raven haired girl beside her. Lenna.

Now she was confused, as the younger of the two pulled her away from the counter, drink in hand, back to the table where Josie was now sitting beside herself. Lenna sat down beside her twin, across from Tallulah, a look of exasperation was evident on Lenna's face, whereas Josie had an apologetic one.

Before she could even ask what had just happened, Lenna was speaking in a heated tone, “you need to stay away from him,” she started, “he’s got a girlfriend,” before she could defend herself from what felt like an attack, Josie piped in, “They’re back together?” she asked in a shocked tone, to which her twin nodded her head furiously. “What does any of whatever you're talking about have to do with me?” she asked, eyebrow raised, Tallulah crossed her arms as she leaned back in her seat. “This has everything to do with you!” Lenna exclaimed, “You’re the shiny new toy here, doesn’t help that you're hot either. And Paul Lahote is dating Rachel Black, happily, might I add, and when they aren’t together, she's not happy and when she's not happy, I’m not happy!” she rambled, Tallulah looked to Josie for clarification, “What Lenna is trying to say is that Rachelis her boss and she is not easy to work for when she doesn’t get what she wants. And for as long as we can remember, Paul was the source of that stress. They’ve been on and off since they were 16.” Josie clarified, with Lenna adding, “Plus, dad has a rule about dating older guys, and he does not fit the qualifications, even for you.” she stated before picking at her perfectly manicured hands.

“Well, no need to stress. I’m not a homewrecker.” Tallulah stated matter of factly. “ Besides, he’s not my type anyways” Not that Tallulah had a type really, anyone who didn’t want her commitment and could make her feel something other than numb, was good enough for her.

The three girls stayed at the cafe until it was nearly dark. The twins carried the conversation, with Tallulah nodding her head and giving one word answers whenever it was needed. She didn’t particularly care for the topics in which they were being brought up, like who broke up or who’s not friends anymore. In such a small area she figured this was typical considering everyone knew everyone here. She didn’t even want to think about what people might be saying about her. After awhile, Lenna had to get to work and Josie had received a text from Kira of when dinner would be, to which Tallulah thought was odd, her and her mother never ate dinner together as a family. Either her mother was at work or she was out with friends, being left up to her own devices. So when Josie and Tallulah walked through the front door of their home to the smell of a home cooked meal, she felt a tinge of jealousy. The twins were living the life she had dreamt of as a child, a mother who cooked, a dad that was present in their lives, family dinners where they could talk about their days, the good and the bad. A family that made memories together, rather than apart.

The two girls kicked off the shoes and before making their way to the dining room table, Tallulah felt awkward, she didn’t want to sit in someone else's seat, so, she let Josie sit in her usual spot before sitting down, Kira and her dad sat at the ends of the table. They all jumped right in, grabbing and passing food to each other as if Tallulah had been there for years.

As they ate, Kira asked how her first full day in La Push was, she shrugged her shoulders, before stating, “it was alright. Met some people who seemed to already know who I was.” This caused her father and Kira to laugh, as Tallulah took another bite while her dad asked, “catch any names?”, before she could even answer, Josie was answering for her, “She met Paul today, seemed like they really hit it off.” Tallulah couldn't stop the glare that adorned her face, for someone who had essentially told her their dad didn’t like him, she was really throwing her in front of a bus.

She looked at her dad, trying to gauge a reaction from him but he was looking at Kira, the two of them silently communicating from across the table, before saying, “I don’t know if that's someone you’d want as a friend.He’s quite older than you, Tal, nearly 27.” to which she shrugged off, saying, “he was just asking if i was your daughter. Not a lot of people knew you had three before yesterday.” No longer having an appetite, she dropped her fork onto her plate, “and not that it's anyone's business, but I can make my own friends, older or younger. Thank you for dinner, Kira.” she said trying to contain her anger before standing up and tucking her chair in. She grabbed her plate and brought it into the kitchen, the anger that has been stirring since the day before coming back out as she tried to calm herself before it came back to bite her. She tossed her food and placed her plate in the dishwasher before walking up to her room and shutting the door gently, she turned towards her bed noticing a black book bag with a folded slip of paper on it. Picking it up and opening, she recognized it as a schedule, reading it over, she noticed she had more independent study periods than actual classes. Written in pen below the timetable there was a note, stating, “exempt from AP Literature, Biology III and Calculus”, which were all classes she had taken in the first semester of her old school. She let out a breath of relief at the thought of not taking them again. Shoving the paper in her bag, before dropping it at the foot of her bed. She grabbed a book out of one of her unpacked duffels that her mother must have packed for her, before laying on her bed to read.

-

At some point she must have dozed off, the room was dark but the moonlight illuminated from the window. Tallulah got up and stretched her back from the odd position she had fallen asleep, before stripping out of her jeans in favour of comfy shorts and a baggy t-shirt. She made her way into the hall to use the bathroom she shared with the twins, as well as to brush her teeth. From the bathroom she could hear the muffled voices of Jira and her dad, ‘he’s too old for her’ ‘this could be good for her’ ‘or it could push her further away’ ‘you and i both know that wont happen’, it didn’t take a genius to realize who they were talking about, and she wasn’t bothered by it in the slightest because in her mind, if they never assert their problems with her, then they can never be mad. How can she go against them if she didn’t know what she was doing wasn’t allowed?

She left the bathroom after dousing her face with water and patting it dry to see Josie waiting outside, Tallulah rolled her eyes before brushing past her, not listening to her apologies, she didn’t care if Josie was a snitch. She's just happy she found out sooner, rather than later.

[bicanthropus]

remus lupin

╔═.✾. ═  LOG *** :  remus lupin  |  non binary, they/them |  36.

Just spotted REMUS around town.  Our records show that they remember [ most things ] from their source : harry potter.   They were first spotted in june 2020 and our best guess is that their last memory is the burrow being attacked on christmas.  Archivists watching them state that they still have the holey sweaters under faded jean jackets, too short trousers showing colorful socks, chocolate covered fingers, and moonlit walks vibe about them.

━  from Armes E. Sallow’s  personal archives. ═.✾. ═╝ ↳・゜charles michael davis .

━━━ transcribed on : 30 june 2020.  transcription annotated by tal brennan, archivist.

ARMES: thank you for coming in.  i heard you were in the hospital for a while.

Yeah.  Running into the barrier after - well, it was bad timing on my part.  But I got your note at my room saying you wanted an interview.  I’m sorry but I have to ask - what for?  I’m no one important.

ARMES: i’m the town archivist.  i like to keep records of everyone we’ve had in town, for prosperity.  so, can you tell me your name and where you are from?

Remus John Lupin.  I’m from a little town in Wales originally, but I’ve been all over England. 

ARMES: any particular reason why you’ve been all over?

Work, mainly.  I’ve been moved to a lot of different locations, and even worked in Scotland for a little bit.

ARMES: well, what is the last thing you remember from your home?

[there’s silence on the tape for about a minute] A friend’s house was on fire.  It was attacked.

ARMES: attacked?

We were in the middle of a war, and this might sound crazy but it was a war that seemed to have happened twenty-four years ago. 

ARMES: perhaps in another town that would sound crazy, but not here Mr. Lupin.  my records show you’ve been in town for about two weeks now.  i am sure you can see just how - special our town is.

I’ve seen a lot.  It reminds me a bit of a town back at home, truthfully.  But jumping forward in time is a bit frightening.

ARMES: others in town have as well, so i am sure you will find others.  but besides that, i must ask if you feel if you have any blanks in your memory. we do have a history of memory loss here.

Everything seems to be there, even the things I wish I could forget, but such is life. 

ARMES: such is life.  we wouldn’t be ourselves without all those memories.

[there’s silence again]

ARMES: well, are you feeling settled?  have you found a job?

Yes, sort of.  I applied for a position at the newspaper - copy editing and photography as I have skills in both and the interview seemed to go well.  I’m meeting with a couple today to look at the grandparent’s apartment they have so I can move out of the Bed and Breakfast.

ARMES: sound lovely. what, mr. lupin, do you think was the strangest thing you saw before arriving in this town?

Well my best friends turned an entire fourth of our year’s hair bright pink for an entire week, that was pretty spectacular.

ARMES: do you believe in the supernatural or mythical?

[a laugh is heard] You’re asking me that? Well okay, then yes.  And I’ve seen this town as well.

ARMES: i’m sorry, not everyone is as aware as you seem to be, and i always like to ask.  but besides that, what kind of traits would your friends or family give you?

[there’s silence for a while] Well my friends always used to say I was smart - wise beyond my years, though I suspect that’s because I grew up with very few kids my age until I met them.  I was a trouble maker growing up too, though no one suspected it.  I suppose some would say I’m resilient, but I think I’ve just gotten lucky.

ARMES: is there anything else you would like to say?

No, I’d rather leave it at that.  Thank you.

❃゜・。. ・°゜  

notes collected by tal brennan

Remus Lupin, a secondary character from the world famous novel series Harry Potter.  They are a wizard, like most of the characters in the series, as well as a Werewolf.  It seems Lycanthropy was highly stigmatized in this world, and it is unlikely that they will reveal this part of themself to many people.  Even magick was highly secret, so this may be kept quiet as well even with the magic we have here in town.

Remus was close friends with the main protagonist’s father (James Potter).  Their friendship group consisted of Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black, additionally, and there seems to be a large portion of the fan base of these novels who focus just on them, despite the fact that they rarely appear in the books and James Potter is dead before they even begin.

They are seen as a teacher and mentor to Harry, and often there when Harry needs to help contemplate what is laid in front of him.  

danger rating: 3/10, especially if we can look into synthesizing wolfsbane at the research center likelihood to investigate: 5/10 given when it is likely they have come from.

[scarlettwitcher]

Let Me Love You Part One

Request: by Anon: Hi! I saw you're taking requests for the Witcher and we wondering if you could do a Geralt x female reader fic where the reader feel their feelings are one sided for Geralt. Perhaps she tries to ignore it but over time it hurts too much seeing him with other women and eventual feels unneeded and tries to part ways hoping some time away will help. Big shock it doesn't and Geralt tries to find her? I'm in need of that sweet dose of heavy angst with a happy ending I hope this isn't too specific!

Summary: Y/n is tired of hurting and makes a big decision. When Geralt goes after her and finds her, he’s faced with a bigger situation than he anticipated.

Characters: Geralt, Y/n, Jaskier, OMC!Matteus, mention of Yennefer

Word Count: 2,906

Warnings: angst, mentions of blood, tiny bit of Jaskier fluff, cursing

Author’s Note: So this is going to be a two parter since again my writing and ideas got away from me! I hope you guy’s like this! I am currently working on chapter 2 for You’re Mine Omega but I don’t have a definite date to when I’ll be posting it! Sorry guys! Shoutout to my beautiful girl @queenxxxsupreme for always being the best support and helping me out by betaing! Give her love! Tag lists and requests are open so if you’d like to be tagged or you have a request, shoot me an ask! As always, thanks for reading and feedback is always welcome/needed!

Never in your life did you think you'd be jealous of a prostitute but here you were. You watched as Geralt walked off towards the town's brothel and clutched the reins to your horse tighter. Jaskier noticed as you glared at the Witcher's back and put his hand on your shoulder, pulling you with him towards the tavern. Walking in, you found the farthest table against the corner, and sat there, sulking as you watched some patrons eye you and Jaskier silently. Jaskier came over with two mugs of ale, passing one to you. You gripped the mug tightly as you stared at the drink, as if it had murdered your kin. "How long are you going to keep subjecting yourself to this, Y/n?"

"As if this was my choice." 

"It may not be but why torture yourself? I see how it affects you, darling, and it worries me." 

"It's my own fault. I fell for him. I wrote my own fate really." Jaskier just shook his head as he strummed his lute absentmindedly. You never planned on telling the bard about your unrequited feelings for Geralt but he caught on pretty quickly after traveling for a few months with the both of you, that you really didn't have to tell him in the first place. He noticed your stares, your lingering touches, and he heard you. He listened to the way you tried to silently cry yourself to sleep when Geralt left to spend the night at a brothel or he slept with someone he saved. Jaskier grew worried about you. 

The night you told him, you all had stopped at a small town to rest for the night. You stopped at the town's tavern and you had drunk way more than your weight in Ale. You stumbled back to the room you had booked, next to the boys, but really, you tumbled into Geralt's room. It was, of course, empty. You screamed and sobbed into the quiet room until Jaskier came running in, finding you a mess on the floor. He instantly took you in his arms as you cried in his chest and confessed everything, confessed your love for the Witcher. Jaskier listened silently as you poured your heart and soul to him about how much everything was hurting you. You couldn't even look at Geralt anymore because you'd burst into tears. You knew he cared about you, that much you knew, but he cared about you in a painful way, he cared about his friend. After that night, Jaskier never left your side, didn't even let you room alone. You were grateful for his constant attention and care, but it was just another reminder. There were moments where you swore Geralt was more grumpy and short with Jaskier, glaring at him here and there when he wouldn't leave your side, but you always marked it as wishful thinking and moved on.

You had been traveling with Geralt for almost two years. He had saved you from a monster and you took a huge interest in the profession. After following him through a few towns, he finally reluctantly agreed to train you and let you tag along. It quickly turned into a great friendship and within the year, the two of you became a very known duo, getting even more popular when Jaskier began to sing ballads of the two. Even though you weren't a Witcher, Geralt considered you one and you took it as the best compliment he could've ever said about you. You wore the title proudly. You could never pinpoint the moment you fell in love with him. It was just a build up of tiny moments. The way he always saved food for you, or how close he got when he was training you. The way he got your weapons custom made with the Witcher symbols engraved on all of them. The way he treated you when you were really injured. There was a moment where you could even swear he felt the same about you but it came crashing down when Yennefer came into the picture. You knew you couldn't compete with her. She was gorgeous. You knew you weren't ugly, the way men hit on you consistently told you so but Yennefer was another league completely. So you did what you always did, stepped back and watched as Geralt chewed your heart and spit it out time and time again. 

"You could still tell him." 

"You've gone mad bard. Compose your song, would you?" Jaskier only snorted as a faint smile painted his features but soon it was replaced with a scowl and a deep sigh left his chest. 

"You deserve to be loved as much as you love him."

"You know what I think Jask?" The bard stopped playing with his lute as his eyes watched your sunken form. Ever since the night you confessed everything, you had been draining yourself. You looked sick, pale, dark bags under your eyes. You were more fidgety and even eating became a forgotten thought. Jaskier pushed you as much as he could but it was like you gave up. Jaskier couldn't count how many times he yelled at Geralt, told him off for not caring about you enough, berated and scolded him. "I'm tired."

"We can go get a room for the night and then we can tal-"

"No J. I'm tired. I don't think I ca- Geralt?" Jaskier looked to his side as Geralt sat at the table, next to him. He clenched his jaw as sweet perfume filled his senses. Jaskier glared at Geralt. He knew the scent belonged to the prostitute he slept with and was covered in it. His eyes snapped to you as you took a shaky breath, trying to breathe through your mouth, the scent almost like poison in your lungs. 

"I thought you were busy for the night." You looked at Jaskier solemnly. It wasn't like him to snap at Geralt but it seems the two were at each other's throats all the time. Geralt only grunted in response as he took your untouched ale and drank a bit. You stayed quiet as your eyes fell to the table. The scent that was undeniably all over Geralt made you sick. Just another reminder that you could never be what he wanted. You stood up and left without a word, pulling your hood over your head. You walked out of the tavern, Jaskier hot on your heels. "Y/n?"

You didn't respond and he followed you to your horse as you rummaged through your bags, making sure you had everything. You noticed Roach in the next stall and sighed as you rubbed his nose softly. The horse huffed at you, almost like he could read your mind, knowing about what you were going to do. Roach nudged your shoulder hard, making you look at him. You willed the tears away and kissed his nose gently." Don't make this hard on me Roach." You spoke quietly, only wanting him to hear you. Once you gained your composure, wiping the tears away, you walked over to Geralt's satchels. 

Searching through his things, you took a couple of herbs and one of your shirts that was yours. You looked at the things you had gifted him through the years and felt your eyes water once more. You pulled out the pin you had bought him at a shop when you first met him. You smiled to yourself, remembering how confused he was when you handed it to him. It was a pin with a wolf, a girl hugging the wolf protectively. You always joked and said it was the two of you, that you would be the one who'd protect him. You pushed the memory out of your head as you dropped the pin back into his satchel. You noticed a few other of your shirts, including your favorite one. Geralt had claimed it one night after a rough job and never gave it back, not that you'd take it from him anyways. You left the rest of your things that you really didn't need in Geralt's satchels. Jaskier watched you as you took some things, stuffing them into your satchels. He reached up and grabbed your wrist gently, making you stop. "Look at me, darling." You stared at the floor before you did as he asked, finally catching his worried eyes. They softened as he looked at you, wiping away the tears that had fallen on your cheeks. "Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"You were right. Why am I doing this to myself? I deserve better and I won't find it following him to the ends of the world. I-" You sighed quietly as you hugged Jaskier tightly, burying your face into his chest. "I need some time." Jaskier finally let himself smile softly in relief as he pulled back to look at you. 

"I will miss you. Who's going to tell me shitty jokes while we travel?"

You laughed into his chest, taking a deep breath. "Take care of him." You squeezed him before pulling away, and jumping onto your horse. You nodded towards Jaskier before riding off into the night, disappearing through the woods. Jaskier swallowed thickly as he left to his room for the night, knowing if he got close to Geralt, he would probably go off on him. 

Geralt had stepped out of the tavern wondering why you and Jaskier were taking too long to come back in. He saw Jaskier's back as he walked towards the inn and figured that you had retired to your room and Jaskier was following. He felt his heart drop just a bit as he thought about Jaskier returning to your room with you. Geralt noticed it since the first day. He noticed how Jaskier never left your side, always was with you, hugging you, touching you affectionately, noticed the way you always slept together. It filled him with burning jealousy but he would never interfere with your relationship. He realized he was too late and he tried his best to ignore the feeling of his heart breaking little by little every time he was near the both of you. He fucked his way through every brothel in the towns the three of you stayed at but it was never enough. Nobody compared to you. 

Geralt decided he needed a night to himself and walked off into the forest, towards a nearby river. He sat down on a large boulder and watched the stars the whole night, not even caring that he didn't get any sleep. Once the sun rose and the day was bright, he made his way back to town, noticing only Jaskier walking out of the inn. His brows furrowed but decided he wouldn't question it as he followed Jaskier into the tavern from the night before. He sat at the bard's table but Jaskier wouldn't look at him. "Jaskier?"

"You're a fool." 

"Wha-"

"She left." Geralt was confused. Not from the bard's cold tone but from what he said. "What are you talking about?"

"Y/n left last night. She's gone." Geralt immediately stood, glaring at Jaskier. "And before you ask me where so you can go brood angrily and try to find her, she left because of you. I know you knew she loved you. She just couldn't handle it being unrequited."

Geralt pondered quietly on Jaskier's words as he slowly sat back down. He couldn't meet his eyes anymore as guilt filled him. "How would you know it was unrequited?" 

"After all of that, you're going to say some bullshit like that?"

"Jaskier." Geralt growled his warning but he knew the Bard was right. He knew it too well. "You know how much I care about her. I wasn't going to make a move when she was with someone else."

"What are you talking about? She hasn't been with anyone since she started traveling with you." 

"What about you?"

"Geralt, we were never together. Did you- did you think we were dating?" 

"What else would I think?" 

"That maybe she was getting sick and was unhealthy because of all the stupid pining she did after you that I was trying to keep her alive? Geralt, she was deteriorating. It was killing her. Not being loved back. I'm actually glad she left. She needs a life of her own." Geralt couldn't respond, staring at the table instead as he clenched his fists, trying to control his anger. He stood up abruptly once more, making his way out of the tavern, towards the stables. He needed to find you. 

"Don't go after her."

"Stay out of this Jaskier."

"No!" Geralt sighed, letting his shoulders fall just a bit, turning to face Jaskier. 

"She needs to know it wasn't just her."

"Give her time."

"She's had enough." With that, Geralt climbed onto Roach and road off towards the forest, unbeknownst to him, in the opposite direction from where you went, but Jaskier wasn't going to tell him that. 

One year later… 

You were bent down in front of the stream that was flowing in the middle of the forest, splashing some water on your face. The last hunt you had was gruesome and you were covered head to toe in monster blood and guts. You felt gross but you knew the next town over was a days travel and you would have to hold out. You heard the slightest shuffle behind you. Any other person wouldn’t have picked up the sound but Geralt had trained you relentlessly and you were really good at it. Your heart panged for a second as you thought about the Witcher. It had been a year since you had left him and Jaskier at the tavern but it was the best choice you could’ve made for yourself. Getting lost in your thoughts, you didn’t notice someone creeping up closer behind you, leaning on a tree, watching you silently.

“You are a hard one to track.” 

You didn’t move from your spot, continuing to wash your face even though your heart was pounding a million miles a minute. You instantly knew who it was but you couldn’t give into him like you always did. He chuckled quietly as he watched you act indifferent towards him. “You always did try to act tough, but you always forget I can hear your heart, dove.” You cursed him quietly as you stood from your spot and turned, facing him for the first time in a year.

“Geralt. I see you haven’t changed.” You turned to the side, walking past him, towards your horse and your makeshift campsite. You peeled off your dirty jacket, dropping it on a log as you rubbed your horse’s nose, it huffing back in response, eliciting a smile from you. Geralt followed you, standing near the fire you had started. He looked around at your set up, brows furrowing momentarily as he noticed a few things he didn’t recognize. 

“You know me.”

“I used to.” You mumbled this under your breath but you knew he heard you. You couldn't move your head to look at him, scared of seeing any kind of emotion on his face. Geralt looked a bit taken aback by your comment but it had been a year, things were going to be different. He took a seat on the only log and watched you quietly. 

“Are you going to tell me why you left?”

“No.” You realized there was nowhere else to sit and sighed exasperatedly, sitting next to Geralt on the log. You watched the fire quietly, feeling his gaze burning into the side of your face. It annoyed you how he felt like he could just walk back into your life and expect you to be as compliant as you used to be. You finally met his eyes and you saw the pain. He looked at you longingly. 

“It took me a year to find you.” His voice had lowered as he slowly moved closer to you, raising an arm up to cup your cheek. “I missed you dove.” 

You felt your eyes water at his confession. You couldn’t fall back into this hole. You pushed his hand away as you stood, pacing next to the fire. “No. You don’t get to miss me. You don’t get to just come back and think that I’m ready to drop everything and leave with you. You hurt me, Geralt, a lot and I can’t let you do that to me again.” 

“I know.” Geralt stood and walked over to you, looming over you as he tried to touch you again, but you pushed away from him, putting some distance between the both of you. “I know I messed up, but I want to fix things. That’s why I’ve been looking for you. I need you to know that I lov-”

“Woo! I finally caught that deer that I told you I saw. We’re going to be eating plenty, my love.” Your eyes widened just a bit as they broke the lock they had with Geralt’s eyes to look at your lover, Matteus. He was holding a large, dead deer in his hands as he noticed you with a strange man, feeling confused. “Who’s this?”

You took a deep breath as you pointed at the Witcher. “Matteus, this is Geralt of Rivia. Geralt, this is my boyfriend, Matteus.”

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[hongism]

mists of celeste ➻ fourteen

➻ pairing: ??? x fem reader ➻ genre: space au, pirate au, space pirate!ateez, angst, eventual smut ➻ Word Count: 3.6k ➻ Rating: M ➻ Warnings: language, violence, guns and weaponry, blood, future warnings tba ➻ summary: Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you

⇐ previous | next ⇒

mists of celeste act two ➻ part four

​​​

You wake up with a start, stirred awake by some nightmare that leaves your mind the moment you open your eyes. For a second, you don’t remember where you are or what’s going on, but the sudden soreness that spreads across your neck reminds you of what happened the previous day. The skin is sensitive under your fingers; there’s bruising surely but you don’t really want to look at the evidence of your near death. Your eyes shift to the other side of the bed, expecting to find San there since you vaguely remember falling asleep with his hand in yours.

You drop said hand to your lap, looking at the skin of your palm as though it’s going to speak back at you and explain what happened last night. You don’t remember a thing after he said that he was going to make sure that you wouldn't go anywhere again. Everything is blank and empty after that, no traces of any other memories from that point on. Perhaps it’s for the better but you can’t help but feel that you are missing something important that happened during the night.

You try not to dwell on it though; instead, you pull yourself up from the bed and cast a glance over at the bathroom door. It’s wide open, which you find odd because you at least recall shutting it after your shower last night.

“San must have left already,” you mutter to yourself as you bend down to grab your shoes. You slip them on with haste, hand rushing to touch your neck when a surge of pain jolts through it. It doesn’t bother you much after that, maybe it had some sort of crick in it from an awkward position in the night or maybe that Taskmaster Cara fucked you up worse than you initially thought.

You let your hand fall back to your side as you step out into the hall. For some reason you expect San to be waiting just outside the door, leaning up against the wall and ready to chastise you for sleeping so late, but the hall is empty. You descend the stairs in the hopes of finding him there, still unsure as to why you’re craving his presence so badly all of a sudden.

However, again, San is nowhere in sight in the lobby of the hotel. Rather it’s only Wooyoung, Seonghwa, and Hongjoong who stand downstairs. They’re close to the door, Seonghwa and Hongjoong locked in what seems to be a heated discussion and Wooyoung stands a bit off to the side and watches on with wide eyes. As soon as you reach the bottom step, Wooyoung catches sight of you. He turns towards you, grinning from ear to ear.

“Good morning,” he greets as you walk closer to him, his tone soft and melodious compared to Hongjoong’s slightly grating tone that carries over to your ear. Seonghwa twists at the waist when he hears Wooyoung speaking, and his eyes trail over your shorter form in confusion for a brief moment.

“Oh, Y/N. Did you sleep alright?”

Rather than looking back at Seonghwa, you stare past him to look Hongjoong in the eye.

“It was choice that landed you in your current predicament, but I know that it was fate that put you in my path. You can walk away from fate and choose uncertainty. Or you can walk back upstairs and let fate decide the rest.”

You want to know what he’s thinking, you wish you could see into his mind and understand what exactly is going on in there. Hongjoong’s expression remains flat and blank. You can’t read anything on it, and he doesn’t help you along at all, staying silent and unmoving as your stare trails over him. It’s impossible to know how he feels about seeing that you decided to stay.

“I slept just fine,” you answer at last. Your eyes drag back up to meet Seonghwa’s again, lingering this time. “My neck hurts a bit but not too much.”

“It looks a lot worse than it hurts, most likely,” Wooyoung mentions. Hot breath hits your neck as the man suddenly leans in and inspects the bruising up close. “It looks like you nearly lost the fight, to be honest. Pretty good impressions of fingers on your skin though. Almost impressive.” Wooyoung pulls back and sends a lopsided smile your way, one that you return with half the amount of enthusiasm.

“Oh, how kinky,” you huff. Wooyoung chokes on his saliva. Seonghwa’s brows shoot up and he blinks at the floor a few times before clearing his throat.

“A-ha, is San coming down soon?” He asks after he recovers himself a bit. You tilt your head to the side at the question.

“He’s not in the room or upstairs at all. At least he wasn’t when I woke up not too long ago. I just assumed that meant he had already come down.”

“No…” Seonghwa trails off and turns back towards Hongjoong. The two stand completely still, exchanging glances without saying anything for a few moments. There is a sudden and obvious spike of tension between the four of you, one that you can’t pinpoint but Hongjoong clarifies it.

“Fucking shit,” he cusses, nearly elbowing Seonghwa and Wooyoung out of the way as he pushes towards the door. The lieutenant rushes to follow and calls out his name. You blink at the spot where the two men just stood then glance up to Wooyoung. He shrugs, obviously just as confused as you are, then moves to follow Seonghwa outside as well.

“Take Wooyoung and Y/N back to the ship immediately,” Hongjoong orders as you all step outside. The heat is unbearable despite it still being early morning, and the sun nearly blinds you. You have to shield your eyes with the back of your hand, squinting at Hongjoong as he continues speaking. “Get Mingi and bring him back with you. Meet me near the warehouse district. Move as quickly as possible. Chances are San has ahead start on us, and it could be a few hours for all we know so we operate as though we’re behind. I’ll check the radar once I start heading that way.”

“O-Okay, but what’s going on?” You stammer out. You regret asking less than a second later because Hongjoong’s rage-filled stare lands on your form next. You freeze under it, swallowing harshly and trying to stare back with equal heat.

“It’s pretty fucking obvious,” he spits in response. “San went to the warehouse where Taskmaster Cara said she would be. He decided to get his revenge.”

Your mind goes completely and utterly blank. You don’t have words, and certainly have no clue how you’re supposed to explain that you were the one who talked about revenge with San last night. Your resolve returns quickly though.

“I’m staying,” you demand. Heat reaches your gaze, and your confidence swells as you stare Hongjoong in the eye. He doesn’t flinch, however, and his glare continues to harden on you. “I have to stay.”

“No.”

“Captain–”

“I said no.”

“With all due respect Captain,” you start again, teeth pressed together so hard that your jaw aches from the pressure. “I have to stay.”

“I can’t trust you to follow orders given your behavior with Yeosang on the last mission. This is my job, San is my crewmate, San is my responsibility. No one else’s. Seonghwa and Mingi are meant to be merely reinforcements if things head south. So, Lieutenant, you can hurry the fuck up and get going.”

Hongjoong doesn’t wait to hear Seonghwa’s affirmation or approval. He spins on his heel and breaks into a sprint without missing a beat. It only takes a second for his form to disappear in the midst of the morning crowd in the city. Seonghwa watches the man go with wide eyes and mouth agape. He stares at the place where he just was long after Hongjoong is gone, only recovering when Wooyoung nudges him in the side. He grabs for Wooyoung’s shoulder and pulls him forward.

“Let’s go. We need to hurry.” Seonghwa lifts a hand and motions for you to follow as well, but you stay rooted to the spot. You accentuate your refusal by crossing your arms over your chest, eyes glaring into Seonghwa’s head even though he isn’t looking at you at the moment. “Y/N, we need to go.”

Seonghwa shifts to look back at you.

“I won’t go. I’m not going anywhere.”

“What the fuck is going through your head? We need to hurry. Hongjoong is already on his way to San, but we have to go now.”

“I have a debt to repay. San wouldn’t have gone after the crew or the taskmaster if not for me.”

“What are you tal–”

“If I hadn’t been dragged off by Cara, he wouldn’t have even thought about them or his past. It’s my fault San went off for revenge and my fault we’re in this mess in the first place,” you explain, teeth gritted together so hard that it hurts your jaw. “I’m not going to let anything happen to San because of something that is on me and me alone. I won’t let that happen to anyone ever again.”

Seonghwa’s gaze lingers on you, and he doesn’t move or speak for a little while. It’s wasting precious time, time that you could be using to catch up with San, but you don’t press the lieutenant any further.

“The warehouse is a ways away but you can easily get there in less than thirty minutes if you hurry,” he relents at last. He drops his right hand to his left wrist and pops the wristband there off. He passes the device over to you, but you hesitate, staring at him in confusion.

“No! No, no, Lieutenant,” Wooyoung cuts in. He stretches between you, stopping Seonghwa’s arm as it draws closer to you, and you both turn to blink at him in shock. “W-Wait, you can have mine. Y/N, take mine instead.” Wooyoung pulls back to yank his own wristband off, then reaches up to pull his earpiece out as well.

“Why can’t I just use my own wristband? It was only my earpiece that broke.”

“No, you’ll need a replacement from the ship. Each earpiece is paired to a wristband, so we can’t just replace them on the fly like this.”

“Okay, understood.” You pop your band off and hold it out to Seonghwa, and he snatches it before Wooyoung has the chance to.

“You have to take mine. You’ll be able to track Hongjoong’s location on it, as well as San’s. But it’s a two-way street. Both will be able to see your movements as well. If you take my earpiece and wristband, then it will look like I’m the one showing up on the tracker and not you. But if you took Wooyoung’s, Hongjoong would panic even more because he would see Wooyoung traveling alone. It’s best if you take mine for now, and once I’m back with Mingi I won’t need it anyway.” Seonghwa fastens his band around your wrist and tightens it as needed to fit your arm. “I’ll show you how to pull up locations too.”

You let Seonghwa go to work on the tiny screen, repeating his actions in your head so you can remember what to do later. Sure enough, a small map pops up eventually and you can see a dot with small initials beside it – PSH. It must be Seonghwa, because there is another set of initials beside his that read ‘JWY’. Seonghwa swipes his finger across the screen, the map zooms out, and two more dots appear. One is a simple ‘CS’ and the other reads ‘KHJ’, and it’s easy to assume which one belongs to each man. Seonghwa hesitates as he looks at the dots.

“San is moving very slowly. We might have a bit more time than I thought initially. Still, it’s going to take me at least four hours if not more to be back with Mingi.”

“The transport train,” you mutter, sudden realization washing over you. The lieutenant nods a couple times in confirmation.

“Hurry. Try to catch up to San before he gets to the warehouse.” Seonghwa doesn’t pull back quite yet though. Instead, he continues to fiddle with the band without cease, only stopping to explain once he’s completely done. “I switched the channel over to a different one. I’ll match Wooyoung’s to it as well. If anything happens, you need to tell me. I’ll be listening through Wooyoung.”

Seonghwa shifts to grab Wooyoung’s wristband as well, popping it back onto his wrist. You glance up at Wooyoung’s face and catch his stare on you. The two of you exchange a glance. It’s one full of nerves and anxiety; Wooyoung keeps gnawing at his lower lip. The skin is nearly raw under his teeth but he still doesn’t stop. If you knew how to reassure him, you might try; however, you’re in an equal state of confusion and panic so you can’t do anything. The most you can manage is a thin-lipped smile that Wooyoung doesn’t acknowledge. The pit in your gut grows larger.

“It’s all set,” Seonghwa says as he stands up straight. His hand goes to his ear to pluck the small earpiece out, and he hands that over to you as well after wiping it on his sleeve. You take it and put it into your own ear. An awkward silence envelops the three of you after that.

“Well…” You start, shifting your weight from foot to foot. “I guess I should hurry.” You step past Seonghwa, ready to start sprinting after Hongjoong, but Seonghwa catches you by the wrist first. You glance back at the tall man. A few strands of black hair have fallen over his eyes.

“Keep Hongjoong safe,” he asks, tone so quiet you can barely hear it over the din of the streets. The grip on your hand tightens. “Please.”

There is genuine concern in Seonghwa’s eyes as he says the words. It catches you off-guard, especially since you think that Hongjoong should be one to look after himself as the captain, but Seonghwa seems so desperate to hear that you’ll at least try to keep him safe in his stead.

“I’ll do my best,” you mutter in response. Seonghwa’s hand shifts up to your shoulder. He squeezes your arm tight.

“Be careful.”

You shift to glance at Wooyoung one more time. His face still bears the same worried expression as it did before, but he doesn’t speak like Seonghwa does.

“I’ll be fine. You should get going.”

Seonghwa nods a few times in response. His hand shifts from your shoulder to Wooyuong’s back. Without another word, Seonghwa and Wooyoung walk into the crowd. You’re left alone for the first time in weeks. Not “left alone on the ship in your room” because that doesn’t count but really alone.

Despite choosing to stay last night, you really could up and disappear this time. That thought does cross your mind, but you are also hyperaware of the fact that San could be striding to his death in attempts to get whatever revenge he desires. And that’s not something you can sit back and let happen, because as much as you hate to admit it, Hongjoong had a point the previous night.

“You’re choosing the easy way out then. Running away from your problems rather than facing them. There is no way of knowing whether the future will be a repeat of the past. You can only be sure of the present and whatever happens is either a choice of your own or of fate.”

As much as you want to run away and escape, it truly is the easy way out. And for once you don’t think you want to take the easy way out. You wait until Seonghwa and Wooyoung disappear from sight completely before taking off after Hongjoong. It’s hard to figure out which path he took since the city bears so many winding roads. The only way for you to know which way he went is through the small map on your wristband, and even with that, it’s hard to see because of the minuscule size.

Hongjoong’s dot on the map moves with haste while San’s still moves rather slowly. You can’t quell the panic in your gut. There are too many possibilities running through your head at the moment. What if he’s already been caught? Maybe he found them and turned himself in? Why would he do that? Is he really going for revenge? Could it be a suicide mission instead? But why? There are far too many questions and not enough answers. With each possibility you think of, more anxiety bubbles in your gut until you aren’t even able to properly breathe because of it.

You duck into an alleyway first chance you get. It gives you a chance to have some space to breathe, get away from the crowds, and just take a moment to collect yourself some before continuing after Hongjoong and San. You kneel against the dirt and place your hands on your knees. Your eyes fall shut as well, and you let yourself slip ever so slightly into a state of calm.

What would Daichi say? Examine everything. Recall all the information and relay it forward. Talk yourself through what is going on then decide what the best course of action may be. Easy enough. I can do that. What did San say about getting revenge?

“I’m scared of hating myself more than before if I do get my revenge. There won’t be any going back from it if I kill them all. I’m also afraid of regretting it if I don’t do it and take the chance. I j-just don’t know what I want, and that’s almost more terrifying.”

He’s hesitant still. Maybe that’s why he’s moving so slowly. He hasn’t committed. Made an impulse decision and went for it without thinking. Now he’s thinking about it and wondering if it’s still the best course of action. Probably knows that Hongjoong and I – well, Seonghwa – are chasing after him now.

“I’m – I’m not sure why but I feel the need to protect you. I feel guilty that you got hurt by someone I used to know. I feel guilty for not being there sooner. Not noticing you were gone. Just… not being there. I want to – I want to protect you and make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Surely he can’t be walking to his death if he said that… Would he suffer the guilt to do so though?

You lift your chin, eyes cracking open once more. With a quick glance at your wristband, you gauge where both Hongjoong and San are. Hongjoong has come to a sudden stop on the map, the dot flashing before your eyes, and you tilt your head to the side to watch it.

Then a gunshot resounds somewhere ahead of you. You whip your chin up to look in the direction of the shot, but there’s no telling whether it came from where San is or where Hongjoong is. You don’t bother dusting off your knees before breaking into a sprint. People carry on in the streets as though the sound of a gun is totally normal and regular. You weave through the crowds of people with haste, but it’s hard to move fast and avoid knocking into them so you smack a few shoulders along the way. Your earpiece crackles to life not long after the gunshot resounds.

“What’s going on? Who shot a gun? Are you okay? Where are San and Hongjoong?” Wooyoung shouts over the intercom. You wince from the volume of his voice in your ear.

“I’m fine,” you grumble back. “The gunshot didn’t come from me.”

“Do you see anything at least? Fighting? Hongjoong maybe? San?”

“No, I’m still trying to catch up. Hongjoong isn’t too far ahead, but he’s stopped moving.”

“Be careful,” Wooyoung whispers, his voice falling quiet. “Seonghwa says the same.”

“Thank you,” you say back. “You do the same.”

“We will.”

The channel goes quiet again after that. You try your best to maintain the pace you’re going at, because thanks to Hongjoong’s sudden halt, you’re catching up faster than you thought you would. According to the map, San has moved a bit in the opposite direction, nearly backtracked his steps some before continuing forward. Part of you wonders if he’s stopping to check his wristband as well, or if it was the gunshot that made him pause for a bit.

Hongjoong’s dot on the map grows ever closer. You shove through a group of people – earning yourself quite a few curses and threats – and land yourself in a finally empty roadway. You glance across the road, finding the reason why it’s so empty with ease and the reason why Hongjoong quit moving.

He stands in the middle of the street with two pistols out and at the ready, a body at his feet that must have fallen victim to the random gunshot that echoed through the streets. Hongjoong isn’t alone though; he’s surrounded by eight thugs who seem to have the same idea. All have their own weapons pointed at Hongjoong’s head.

✧✧✧ a/n: okay here we are a little late but here nonetheless!!! i’m so sorry for the delay i was not expecting my dad to bring the kitten in so early and honestly wasn’t even expecting to get a kitten at all so that’s my bad but aosdifiojd i cut this chapter off a tad early because i wanna save a majority of the ~action~ for the next chapter slkjdfkljlk 

taglist: @faeriewoobin​ @sugarrimajins​ @atinyinwonderland​ @2504-life @lil7bluedragon @sparklychangbin​ @jeong-uwu​ @jeonartemis​ @anothershorthuman​ @xxbluestrifexx​ @saturatedsan​ @haotheheckk​ @noonawriter​​

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

[gffa]

While this isn’t directly for Obitine Week 2020 in STAR WARS fandom, it’s not precisely to one of their themes, it’s certainly inspired by the wonderful event and how much amazing content that’s been generated and reminding me how much I really do love this pairing a ton. I am such a sucker for A Knight And His Lady Love type dynamics when done well, that for all their snapping and arguing and banter, they exemplify so well. I even love that they both chose other things over their potential romance, because those things are fulfilling to them and so very important to them. While at the same time! I can enjoy the tension between them and want another life where they were together! And fandom has absolutely fed that really well, both this week and in the past, so here’s a collection of fics for the Obitine ship that I’ve loved! THANK YOU FANDOM, SOMETIMES YOU’RE PRETTY GREAT. STAR WARS FIC RECS: OBI-WAN/SATINE RECS: ✦ Trying to Connect by skygawker, obi-wan & anakin + mentions of obi-wan/satine, 2.7k    Anakin tries to talk to Obi-Wan in the aftermath of Satine Kryze’s death. It goes about as well as you might expect. ✦ The Duchess and the General by Gabri Jade, obi-wan/satine & anakin, 1k    Obi-Wan’s life never fails to surprise. ✦ Passion, Wit & Bravery, True Love & Duty by truthtruthlie, obi-wan/satine & cast, 1k    It had been seventeen years since Obi-Wan Kenobi’s death at the hands of his troopers on Utapau. ✦ headcanon fic: luke kryze, prince of mandelore part 1, part 2, and part 3by luckyjak, obi-wan/satine & luke & leia & anakin & cast, 2k    After Mustafar and the twins are born, everything happens exactly like in canon: Obi-Wan intends to go to Tatooine. But look, it has been A Day, the worst kind of day, and he could use a friend. And Satine is nothing if not his oldest and most precious friend. ✦ The Question, Twenty Years Late by Eirian Erisdar, obi-wan/satine & luke, 1.2k    Set just post-ROTJ in a timeline where Satine survived. Waiting alone for an emissary from the newly-formed Imperial Senate to demand Mandalore’s fealty to the Empire, Satine is surprised by an unexpected guest, holding a very precious bundle. ✦ and gravity, scientists say, is weak by victoria_p (musesfool), obi-wan & anakin + referenced obi-wan/satine, 3.2k    “You’re not the only one who’s ever been in love, Anakin.” ✦ The Butterfly Effect by zukoslover, obi-wan & anakin + qui-gon + obi-wan/satine, 2.9k wip    What if Satine had asked Obi-Wan to stay, all those years ago on Mandalore? And what if he had said yes? What consequences would the change in the fate of one man have for the rest of the galaxy? ✦ where war is no more by silveronthetree, obi-wan/satine & luke, ~1k wip    Obi-Wan needs a disguise and Satine just wishes he would smile again. ✦ Failures of Rhetoric by Mithrigil, obi-wan/satine, nsfw, 4.1k wip    Diplomacy is an art that requires years of refinement. Satine doesn’t appreciate Ben’s many failures. Or, five times Obi-Wan Kenobi should’ve kept his trap shut. And once he should have said something, anything, anything at all. ✦ Fire by EwanMcGregorIsMyHomeboy12, obi-wan/satine, NSFW, 1.7k    Between the incident with Tal Merrick on the Coronet and the long ride back to Coruscant, there are plenty of things that a certain Jedi Master and Duchess can get into… ✦ Rewind, Repeat by tulomne, obi-wan/satine & qui-gon & cast, time travel, 23k    And just like that, Obi-Wan Kenobi dies. But death is just the beginning, he realizes as he wakes as he once was, Padawan braid and all, alongside Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and Satine Kryze. Visions of the future, just out of his grasp, plague the young Jedi as the three traverse the galaxy, avoiding the dangers that follow the Duchess of Mandalore. ✦ a choice made and made again by Sweven, obi-wan/satine & qui-gon & cast, 4.1k    A glimpse into the year on the run ✦ A Passing Evening by belldreams, obi-wan/satine & anakin & cast, 2.9k    With Qui-Gon’s passing and a brand new Padawan in tow, Obi-Wan finds himself at a loss. An old companion helps him find his way again. ✦ if the sky comes falling down, for you (there’s nothing in this world i wouldn’t do) by skywalking-across-the-galaxy (BadWolfGirl01), obi-wan/satine & anakin & cody & maul & cast, 6.2k    [or: The Lawless, but Obi-Wan’s not alone.] ✦ where war is no more by silveronthetree, obi-wan/satine, 3k wip    AU where Satine survives and Obi-Wan goes on the run with her and Luke after Order 66. ✦ One Drink Too Many and a Joke Gone Too Far by victoria_p (musesfool), obi-wan/satine & anakin/padme, nsfw, 7.2k    Obi-Wan and Satine wake up married. Obi-Wan intends to file for divorce. Really he does. ✦ The Lawful by Raven_Knight, obi-wan/satine & bo-katan & cast, NSFW, 4.2k    With the help of Bo-Katan, certain things go a little differently after Obi-Wan Kenobi arrives to rescue Satine from Darth Maul’s clutches. ✦ Villain of a Different Story by HiNerdsItsCat (HiLarpItsCat), obi-wan/satine & anakin & cast, 73.2k wip    It turns out that there are some perks to being the Chosen One: Anakin finds himself transported five years into the past—only to discover that it isn’t his past, but a completely different one. One where Obi-Wan Kenobi left the Jedi Order, where Qui-Gon Jinn survived… and where Anakin Skywalker is the galaxy’s greatest villain. ✦ Obitine Week 2019 by sunshineisdelicious, obi-wan/satine & anakin & ahsoka & qui-gon & korkie, 12.6k    A little celebration of Obi-Wan and Satine. ✦ Split the Night by Zinga763, obi-wan/satine & anakin/padme & ahsoka & maul & cast, 43.8k wip    Darth Maul knows exactly how to break Kenobi. In which Maul targets someone other than Satine, and it changes Obi-Wan and Anakin’s lives, along with the galaxy’s. ✦ eight letters by katierosefun, obi-wan/satine, 2.2k    Five times Obi-Wan Kenobi almost says “I love you” to Satine, and the one time he actually does. ✦ ignore by katierosefun, obi-wan/satine & anakin, 2.1k    …or the time Anakin Skywalker accidentally on purpose locks Obi-Wan and Satine in a room after the events of the Coronet in hopes that they’ll actually talk to each other. (They don’t. But at least they crawled around an air vent together.) ✦ Lost to Time by tulomne, obi-wan/satine, 2k    A series of recordings, messages, and the like, surrounding Master Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi and Duchess of Mandalore Satine Kryze, discovered with the rebuilding of the New Republic. ✦ known by katierosefun, obi-wan/satine & maul, read the warnings, 2.2k    The events of Lawless, only Satine lives. But at a cost. ✦ Eternally Dancing Around You by mytardisisparked, obi-wan/satine, 2.9k wip    A collection of ficlets from Obitine Week 2020 and its prompts. ✦ back to you, always by katierosefun, obi-wan/satine, 1.2k    The time Obi-Wan fended off a member of the Death Watch and collapsed at Satine’s doorstep. ✦ Obitine Week 2020 by sunshineisdelicious, obi-wan/satine & cast, 1.9k wip    Day 1: Seven Deadly Sins + Day 2: Role Swap (AU) + Day 3: Angst/Soft (AU) ✦ because it’s morning now by katierosefun, obi-wan/satine, ~1k    Obi-Wan is usually a morning person. Usually. ✦ behind closed doors by katierosefun, obi-wan/satine, 1k    After the events on Concordia, Satine leads Obi-Wan to the guest rooms. ✦ Beyond the Last Illusion + On Distant Shores + Before the Throne by ruth baulding, obi-wan/satine & qui-gon & cast, 108.2k FULL DETAILS + RECS HERE!

[flooffybits]

I Need You

Idol: Park Chaeyoung (Blackpink)

Request: Yep

Anon: a rosé angst to fluff scenario in which you think you’re doing the right thing by trying to move on “Don’t ask her out again, please… You’re killing me, every single time you do it.”

Author’s note: I wasn’t exactly sure if you wanted this to be female or gender neutral, so I kept it as neutral.

“Y/n, come on. It’s time to get up.” The sound of your roommate sounded so distant as you stared up at the ceiling. Despite the fact that it was summer, you couldn’t help but feel cold while you laid in bed, face void of any emotion.

Your phone ended up buzzing again and you didn’t need to check to know who it was. That was how it’s been for the past three days.

Even when you try to block the memories out, they replay in your head like a movie that served to break your heart because of the image of seeing her own heart break before your very eyes.

..

“I swear, it’s nothing. I can deal with it.” Despite her words, her voice shook and you could see in her eyes just how much she’s struggling to be calm when everything around you is crumbling just because of one picture.

Dispatch had caught the two of you together, and even when your face wasn’t seen, it was impossible to say that the other person there was not Chaeyoung, Blackpink’s Rosé.

“You know that it’s risky, we both do. This isn’t the first time they’ve caught us, and if this keeps going, you’re going to get in trouble.” You tell her as she desperately tries to hold her tears back. “Then what are you saying we should do? Break up?”

Your silence was enough to focus her attention on you as she stopped pacing. Her eyes scan your face and it’s clear as day, the regret that fills your eyes while you look back at her. “Y-Y/n, no, we can do something else.” She basically pleads with you, but you know that if this keeps going, she’s only going to get hurt even more.

It was already enough that YG refused to treat her better, but you just didn’t want to give them another reason to treat her worse than they already did.

“Chaeng, you’re at the peak of your career. I don’t want to be the reason that you lose it.” You tell her while taking her hands in yours and you can feel them shaking. You give them a gentle squeeze as a form of comfort, but you both know that your decision wouldn’t give either of you that.

A whimper comes from her and her lower lip trembles. She’s given up trying to hold her tears back while she holds onto you tight, not wanting to let go. “Please, don’t.” You don’t bring yourself to look at her, because if you do, you’re sure that you can’t leave.

So with a final breath, you carefully withdraw from her whilst she tries to hold on to you for as long as she can. “I love you. I’m sorry.”

..

Huffing, you get out of bed and try to get ready for work, brushing everything off and leaving them in your bedroom to focus on your own tasks.

After getting dressed, you walked out and greet your friend while grabbing an apple from the counter, checking your phone for any emails sent to you. You tried your best to avoid looking at Chaeyoung’s messages, but there was too many that it pushed work related notifications down.

Can we please tal…

I know you don’t wa…

I miss you Y/n can w…

Everything was in the same kind of context, but you didn’t want to ruin the progress you’ve been making. It was for her, you remind yourself. So while you cleared the notification bar, you exited the apartment and drove off.

Meanwhile, in the dorms, Chaeyoung stared anxiously at her phone, seeing that her texts were delivered, yet unread. She had to bite her lip while wiping away her tears, failing to notice her friends watching her from the side.

It’s been like this ever since the breakup and they weren’t too sure with what to do. They understood why you did it and they were thankful of how thoughtful you were of they friend, but they also felt pity with how you had to sacrifice the relationship you both valued so much over the year.

Looking to each other, Jennie let out a sigh as she took a step closer until she was standing next to the weeping girl. “Rosie, come on. I think that’s enough.” The older girl whispered softly as she rubbed her back in a soothing manner. “B-But I need Y/n.” She whimpered, clutching at her phone as she curled further into herself.

“Chaeyoung-ah, Y/n is doing this for you.” At Jisoo’s words, she shut her eyes tight as fresh tears cascaded down her cheeks. “But I don’t want them to do it.” She sobs and Lisa joins her on the bed and wrapped her arms around her. “You’re only hurting the two of you.”

Jisoo stood beside Jennie this time, arms crossed and lips pursed. “Chaeyoung, I know that it’s not want you want to hear, but think of this as a good thing. Maybe, somewhere down the road, Y/n and you will find each other again.” She offered, but it wasn’t working.

Chaeyoung might be a patient person, but you are the love of her life, something she’s realized when she came home one day and found you waiting for her despite the fact that it was almost four in the morning. Anyone would have just gone to sleep and spoke to her in the morning, but there you were, a plate of food ready for her as you spoke to each other about everything and anything.

You didn’t look tired at all when you spoke to her. In fact, it looked as though you had been recharged and she felt her heart fluttering because of how much you gave her all your attention and love.

“I just can’t.” Her eyes fell back to her phone screen and Lisa gently placed a hand over it, taking your name out of her sight. “Chae,don’t ask them out again, please.” Her best friend pleaded. “You’re killing us, every single time you do it.” She added and Jisoo nodded. “We love Y/n. We love them for you, but right now, we can’t risk the public catching you again.”

That seemed to trigger something in her as she pulled away from their hands. “Why do they have to tell me what I can and can’t do? I don’t owe the public anything.” She snapped. “I’ve been doing everything for everyone and for what? For them to stop me from being happy?”

The three were surprised by her sudden outburst. But at the same time, they could understand. It was tiring and frustrating to be an idol, so they valued their privacy that much to let anyone intrude.

Jennie let out a sigh as she ran her fingers through her hair and nodded. Lisa turned to her before the girl spoke. “Come on, get dressed.”

She didn’t even bother looking back as she made a move to grab her keys and wallet. “If you want to see Y/n and get them back, then get off your butts and let’s go.”

..

“Yo, L/n, I’m surprised you’re staying longer these days. What’s new?” Your co-worker called out as you signed a few papers. He was nice, very friendly, but you weren’t exactly that close to share things with him.

“Nothing much.” You shrug while grabbing another file. “Just thought that I should be a bit more focused with work.” You tell him as you scan over the contents, exhaustion clear on your face as he raised a brow. “You? Not focused? That’s a big ass lie. No one works harder, here, than you.” He tells you while taking a sip of his coffee.

You simply shake your head before there’s a tap on your shoulder. “Y/n, there’s someone looking for you outside.” One of the interns said timidly and you blink in confusion before nodding lightly, rising to your feet and dusting yourself off. “Thank you.”

Your colleague looks curiously at you while you shrug your shoulders and head for the exit. Who could be looking for you and couldn’t they have come inside?

But then, just as you reached the door, your phone began to ring. Inhaling sharply, you look down, only to find a name you wished wasn’t trying to contact you.

Incoming call from Aussie Princess

Suddenly, you could already tell that this was more than just a coincidence. Because looking outside, you could already see the familiar looking black van waiting outside, and if the windows weren’t tinted, you would already find your ex-girlfriend watching you from inside.

Hesitantly, this time, you answer the call. Bringing the device to your ear, you keep your eyes on the van and hear silence on the other end of the line. Maybe she just dialed your number by accident, you hope. But based on the past days, you doubt that it was that.

“… I didn’t think you would pick up.” Her voice is soft, broken, and tired. And it’s like a knife is being wedged into your heart because you know that it’s your fault.

“What are you doing here?” There’s no malice in your own tone, just mere curiosity and she takes that as a sign to press forward.

“I wanted to talk. Can you please come here?” A few people who passed by glanced oddly at you as you remained in front of the glass door. You want to decline, go back and forget this call happened, but you find your body acting on its own, leading you outside and cautiously walking closer. “You know that we can’t, Chaeng.”

“Then why are you here?”

Only a few feet away, the door of the van slides open and you’re soon face to face with the girl that’s captured your heart. “Because no matter how much I shouldn’t, I’ll always want and need you.” You slowly lower your phone, her doing the same as you stare at each other, reflecting the other’s emotions as though you were staring at a mirror.

“Stop pushing me away then. Because no matter what happens, I’m always going to be yours.” You’ve missed her so much. Her words only pulled out a shaky breath from you as your fingers twitched to reach out to her.

She takes note of it, and without waiting for a reply, she hops out of the van and latching onto you in a matter of seconds. Her face is buried to the crook of your neck, and just like the day you let her go, she was trembling.

Immediately, you hold her as close to you as possible and she holds back a sob that’s threatening to come out. “Please, Y/n, I need you. I can’t do this without you.” She whispers and you see her three members inside the van, smiling at you and nodding in encouragement.

“What about your job?” You ask and she pulls away to look you in the eyes. “We can make it work.”  There’s so much conviction in her tone that you can’t help but believe her.

A smile slowly comes to your face as you cup her cheek and she’s melting into your touch. “Let’s go home?” She asks quietly and you nod your head.

“Hey L//n, what are you-” But you wave to your colleague with a smile. “I’m gonna head home. Can you fix my stuff for me?” You don’t wait for him to reply as Chaeyoung drags you into the van with her, shutting the door behind you and cuddling with you on the seat.

“Hi Y/n.” The girls greet you and you smile at them. “Hey.”

“Glad to have you back.” Jennie tells you and you turn to the girl in your arms, your smile widening as she stares back at you. “I’m glad to be back.”

Chaeyoung pulls you into a kiss, your heart fluttering as her lips moved against yours, just like the first kiss you’ve ever shared while Lisa takes a quick picture as promised.

“I love you so much.” She whispers against your lips and you give her another peck.

“I love you, too.”

[kate837]

I Love You

I completely recommend watching 2x14 Borrow or Rob, and the beginning of 2x15 Draw O Cesar Erase a Coward, before reading this fic. While this fic is AU it does have many similarities and minor details that it couldn't hurt to watch the episode first! Anyways enjoy!!!!!

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Kurt had a day.

Not bad. Definitely not good. Just... A day.

A day he'll never forget actually. It was so full of ups and downs. From Shepherd plunging a knife into Sean's heart, to joking with Jane about whether or not he could handle Rich Dotcom. From shooting Rich to... Jane's date. That hurt. When Shepherd shoved a knife through Sean Clarke, Kurt's adrenaline spiked, he felt so alert for so long, he thought he would throw up. He got the same feeling from Jane. Except it was everytime she moved, spoke, brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, etc. Her admission of her date was too much. Kurt went straight home, got a damp rag, and laid down. Staring at the ceiling.

Though he did have to say, it still wasn't the worst part of his day. He felt bad. Witnessing first degree murder should automatically be the worst part of your day.

But when it comes to Rich.....

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Kurt and Rich were sneaking through the secret underground tunnels of Jamison College, in order to get into the Deadalus gathering.

"This is interesting." Rich says, while coming to a stop.

"What?" Kurt replies shortly.

"Well this is the door, but the handle's different."

"Different how, Rich?!"

"Wel- well it's not there anymore?? Probably on account of all the hookers I snuck in it." Rich gestures to the handless door.

"Ok, so what's behind this door?" Kurt inquires, looking around.

"The closet. What are yo-"

"Stand back."

Kurt, with a running start, kicks the door in to find himself deep within the walls of a massive walk in closet.

"Aaaaa just how I remember it."

"SHHHHH!" Kurt puts his ear to the door, the one still on it's hinges, just in time to hear the gasps of attending guests and a soft female voice hushedly asking someone to notify security of the discrepancy.

"Shit."

"What?" Rich asks, genuinely confused.

"The guests are getting security to come check out 'the noise in the closet'."

"Oh. What are we gonna do Stubbles? I'm a sly guy but how do we explain that?"

"Oh God, why do you hate me?" Kurt says looking towards the ceiling.

"What? You're acting strange Stubbles, like weirder than normal. I mea-"

Rich was cut off by Kurt's large hands cupping both sides of his face, to kiss him. Without separating he backs Rich against a near wall, mimicking the earlier noise. Rich squirmed at first but expectedly went along with the unexpected.

"Come on Stubbles, you can at least use some tongue!"

"Shut. Up." Kurt snarls. "Actually. . . I need you to make some. . . noises." Kurt says while blushing furiously.

"Security is on their way." Tasha notifies through comms.

"Yeah you guys better get out of there." Reade warns.

"And say what? Oh hey haven't seen you in a while, please excuse my entering through a closet?!" Rich whisper-yells.

"Everyone shut up!" Kurt also whisper yells. "Now Rich I need you to moan a lot. Loudly."

"You could always make me Stubbles!"

"Rich!"

"Kurt what the hell are you doing?" Reade asks, growing increasingly concerned about his teammate's mental health.

"Rich just do it!"

"OOOOH! STUBBLES, YES!" Rich practically screams.

The party guests turn a side eye. But the security, like Kurt hoped, were turning away, figuring that the noise came from two enthusiastic partygoers. Or if the other patrons were anything like Rich maybe more.

Of course Weller didn't know that yet.

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"Ohhh. Now i get it, I can't believe this is working." Reade says, half laughing at the ridiculous noises coming out of his earpiece. "Hey Kurt it's work-"

"Will you shut up?!" Tasha butts in.

"What are you tal-"

"He doesn't know that they stood down yet." Tasha says wriggling her eyebrows. "Hey Kurt most of the security guards stood down but you still have a couple incoming. . . You might need to amp it up a bit!"

Her and Reade try and fail to stifle their laughter after Rich let's out a completely overexaggerated 'UNGH'!

"Come on Stubbles, they're not buying it, you're gonna have to join me if you wanna get out of here."

"Why me? God why me?" Kurt says again looking up.

Kurt let's out a loud and breathless 'Oh God' that completely undoes all of Tasha and Reade's composure. They are hysterical by now. They completely lost it when Rich and Kurt started harmonizing!

"Stop! Stop!" Tasha said. "I can't take it anymore." She pulls herself up from the floor of the van, where she fell from laughing so hard.

"Yeah guys, the security's gone. They're long gone." Reade adds, clutching his stomach.

"Yeah Rich so goo- wait what?!"

"Yeah you're clear." Tasha clarifies.

"You could have compromised this entire op!" Kurt says furiously.

"We all know that's not why you're mad Stubbles. And as the bible states-"

"I swear to God Rich, if you say another word I will shoot you."

"Another word."

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Kurt flushed red just thinking about it. What was he going to put in his field report?!

He turned to lay on his side to take in the fresh scenery of the wall instead of the ceiling. After laying there for about two minutes, he finally got up to fix himself dinner.

While gathering ingredients, Kurt's mind inevitably wandered back to Jane's date. Everything about it tore at him. What she'd be wearing, what she'd eat, would she cover her tattoos, would she wear makeup. . . . . . . .

His thoughts were interrupted by a phone call.

It was Jane.

A million questions ran through his head. Why is she calling him? Shouldn't she still be out on her date?

He lunged for the phone but then. . . He stilled. Didn't move a muscle. He picked up his phone, turned it over, and resumed gathering ingredients.

Once the phone eventually stopped buzzing, Kurt's inner turmoil came to play.

'Why didn't you answer?! Jane could be in trouble!'

'Be rational Kurt. She's on a date, probably just calling to let you know that she'll complete her paperwork tomorrow, since she's busy.'

'Look, everyone knows you're in love with her, but you can't act like some overprotective boyfriend whenever she's around.'

Kurt shakes his head. He wasn't in love with Jane Doe. Was he?

'Of course you are! That's why you lunged for the phone as soon as you saw her name, but put it down when you realized she was still on a date.'

'No. If I was in love with her, I would have immediately answered.'

'No. You love her so much that you realized that if she's having fun, even with another man, you wouldn't want to ruin that. That's love.'

'What am I supposed to do? I can't love her from afar.'

'This may be selfish but what if I proposed the idea that Oliver is Sandstorm?'

'It could work. But why not just tell her how you feel?'

"Because I'm just not ready yet." Kurt voiced sadly.

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First thing the next morning, Kurt was walking up and down the hallways, over and over again. In order to 'accidentally' bump into Jane on her way to Patterson's lab.

After three consecutive minutes, Jane appeared. She was wearing this loose, pastel green shirt, that roughly covered all of her upper body tattoos as well as bringing out her eyes. She paired it with tight blue jeans, which she almost never wears, and a few silver rings on her right hand.

"Wow." Kurt whispered. What looked like any other outfit, looked stunning on her. He almost forgot to 'bump' into her.

"Jane!"

"Oh, hey!"

"You get Patterson's text yet?"

"Yeah, heading there now."

They walk in silence for a few heartbeats, until they turn into a secluded hallway.

"Jane wait." Kurt says while gently grabbing Jane's arm.

"Kurt, what is it?"

"After you told me last night, about your date. I started thinking. . ."

Jane subconsciously starts to hold her breath. Her expression wreaks of hope.

"Hey! Glad I found you two, Patterson's got something." Tasha pops in.

"Yeah." Kurt says releasing Jane.

Saved by the bell.

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The debrief, while no longer than usual, felt unbearably long. The charged energy from Kurt and Jane's previous conversation still radiated off of them.

While any hope of continuing it was completely shut down by the tattoo clues pointing to three different entities, causing the team to split up completely. Kurt with Roman, Jane with Tasha, and Patterson with Reade.

This was going to be a longgg day.

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The team finally reconvened at about 5pm. They had just finished the field reports. All three of them. It was exhausting.

Fortunately for Kurt his adrenaline spiked right back up about an hour later when Tasha, so graciously, reminded the group that they never filled out the field report for their Deadalus mission. Which caused Reade and Patterson to burst out into a fit of giggles.

"What's so funny?" Jane asked, looking to Kurt, smiling.

Kurt goes wide-eyed. She doesn't know.

This was going to be a long night.

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The team had just finished catching Jane up while writing the 'going to be extremely redacted' field report.

"Wait I'm still confused. If you just wanted Rich to moan, why did you kiss him?"

All eyes look to Kurt.

"We- well I was under the impression that security was going to be charging through the door at any second." He says glaring at the pair of agents who were strategically avoiding his gaze. "And when they did, if they saw us. . . you know-"

"We don't know, Weller!" Patterson howled.

Kurt glared.

"Yeah I kind of want to know how far you were willing to take it Assistant Director!" Reade joined in.

"We're done here." Kurt said as he walked out.

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Jane had just walked out of the locker room to be met head on with Kurt.

"Kurt, hey!" Jane says, surprised.

"Hey."

"Umm. . . I actually wanted to talk to you."

Kurt raises his eyebrows in obvious confusion, cueing Jane to continue.

"When we were. . . Uh you know- outside of P- Patterson's lab. You didn't finish." Jane stumbles through her words as a new wave of nervousness hits her with full force.

"Oh that." Kurt says, grabbing Jane's arm, mirroring his earlier gesture and leading her away from the locker room door.

"Jane, I was up all night and I couldn't stop thinking about it. We need to be careful. Sandstorm feels like it's everywhere."

"You think Oliver is Sandstorm?"

"Yes. . . No." Kurt shakes his head.

"Kurt you're not making any sense." Jane says studying him.

"I know. I know. I just- no I don't think he's Sandstorm."

"Then why did you-"

"I've been trying to come up with reasons of why you shouldn't date him for the better part of 13 hours."

"Kurt wha-"

"And I got nothing, because the only reason is that I love you."

Jane goes wide-eyed. It was as if all the air was sucked out of her.

"I love you Jane."

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[angelsndragons]

Okay, since I see a lot of people either straight up panicking or saying that Caduceus’ playlist is straight up depressing (neither reaction I get)....I’m gonna offer a different reading of the songs here, how does that sound?

Death Bed Salesman - This is straight up about Caduceus’ family and his upbringing. His father even says some of the lyrics almost word for word in ep 96. Growing up surrounded by death and all the rituals created for the living left behind made Caduceus into the person he is. ‘This is how it has to end/So love somebody while you can’ like talk about a thesis statement for Caduceus’ outlook.

How are You Doing - Wow this song is pulling double duty. Caduceus is not a character who likes burdening other people with his own problems, preferring to keep a calm, polite distance between others and his feelings. The style of this song harkens over to Jester, it’s very bubbly and sweet sounding. Of course, this is also one of Jester’s primary issues (someone please tell the clerics they can be people with problems too). Now, if you do what I did and go watch the music video for this song, two things will stick out. One is the increasing ridiculous scenarios the singers find themselves in while going about their day to day lives juxtaposed against their ‘nothing’s wrong, everything’s fine’ lyrics. Two is the fact that these singers come out at the end of the song together, they have triumphed over the madness and nothing stopped them from doing what they wanted and needed to do. This song encapsulates early Caduceus, while he was getting a feel for the Nein and being drowned every other second, ultimately his contributions to the Pirate Arc were fundamental to the group’s success. 

Vegetables - Honestly, this song just reminds me of that early conversation with Fjord in the Sour Nest. Caduceus is cooking omelets and just casually asks Fjord if he could look for veggies down in the torture chamber since it would ‘make a good root cellar.’ Fjord is so caught off guard by this request, and understandably so, he just repeats ‘Roots?’ Caduceus then just lists off root vegetables like Fjord’s an idiot. Oh, Cad. XD Honestly I like that the beat line is being made by vegetable chomping, it just feeds into the ‘Caduceus is a giant magical cow man’ vibes and I love it.

When the World is at Rest - Xhorhaus! In the middle of that street! Xhorhaus! In all seriousness, this song pulls double duty as well. ‘I miss the sun but the moons will do in a pinch’ anyone? The first and most obvious thing this song reminds me of is when the group is given the house and Caduceus asks, ‘are we putting down roots here?’ With the single act of planting that tree on the tower, Caduceus turned the house into the Mighty Nein’s home. Can’t get your deposit back after that, after all XD. I think of how this home in the dark has sheltered and protected the Nein so many times. I think of them befriending Essek and how that wasn’t part of the plan (you know, like Caduceus himself). I think of how their plans to end the war were hatched in darkness, how violated they all felt when one of their own was taken and when another was assassinated under cover of night, because the darkness had come to feel safe to them. I think of how much the Nein has blossomed since this house became their home, since they all had a place to go back to that was theirs. I think of how the Nein has given the world a breather, a chance to rest, all because they returned a beacon and befriended a traitor. 

Wildflowers - So, there are a couple of interpretations of this song. One is setting a lover or loved one free from your own feelings and letting them go. Another is that the singer is trying to find a place to bury a loved one (’that home by and by’ around where I live and grew up is a roundabout reference to heaven). Honestly, both interpretations are apt for Caduceus. He does his best to not burden others with his worries and feelings, he was the one who stayed home, which granted his siblings the freedom they needed to leave, etc. The second interpretation fits Caduceus as well because we know one of his secret hopes is that the Nein will let him tend their bodies and graves when the time comes. And now I’m gonna put on my TeaHaw hat for a goddamn minute bc holy heck, this is such a good song for both of them, Caduceus reminding Fjord that he deserves freedom and his beloved sea again, Fjord teaching Caduceus to follow his heart and embrace new experiences. ‘I have seen no other/Who compares with you’ really fits their complimentary and praise styles with each other. Thank you, Tal.

Never did No Wandering - Don’t have much to add to what Taliesin said about the song. For once. I think of Caduceus’ loneliness in the Grove and his regret that he didn’t leave sooner. I think of how he could only leave in the context of duty, of just how much his duty as a grave cleric to Melora has defined and shaped his understanding of himself. I think of how long it took for him to voice his own desires and wants. I think of how he insists he isn’t wandering, that he is following a pre-ordained path. I think of how much work he still has to do when it comes to knowing what he wants and making peace with getting it just for his own sake. Also, hello more sailors.

When You Get to Ashville - Oof, so this song works both ways for Caduceus, both as the singer and the subject of the song. I think of him, home alone for ten years, wondering what was going on with his family, if they were safe (he knew they weren’t, he knew what it took to keep them from him), how he didn’t actually want to know unless he could help. As the subject, I see his family, having only been away for what was maybe two years for them, looking at the changes in him in awe and confusion. Nothing’s changed for them but boy howdy has Caduceus changed. The homebody has left the nest and saved them all and he very obviously doesn’t want to go home yet if at all. Caduceus has waited so long to get them back and to be a family again yet when the time comes, he can’t bring himself to return, as the singer implies about the subject. He knows his family will be there to catch him if he needs it but I think this episode is where it really hit him that he’d been trying to recreate a past that never could be again because he could never go back to being who he was. 

Fuck it I’m a Flower - Another Caduceus anthem. Upbeat with a few melancholy lyrics. You can take it as the singer divorcing themself from humanity or you can take it as the singer using flowers as a metaphor for their growth into someone who becomes more involved (the singer goes from not marching to taking on other people’s pain from their place of safety to fully embracing the movement to change things while they can). I don’t have any context for this song but it really freaking reminds me of those protest photos where a protester offers a flower to the riot police (fuck the police). Caduceus is blossoming into a man who genuinely cares about the wider world and the people within it. Not just abstractly, which I would argue he did back in the Grove. But being up close to the ordinary folks in the Dynasty, in the Empire, the Coast, has given him a new perspective on not just his place but where he wants to stand. I think of Jester’s conversation with him back in Oh Captain Who’s Captain, the world is much bigger and messier than Caduceus could have ever dreamed. I think of Caduceus befriending and being kind to their crew and Avantika’s. I think of ‘Nott, you went to find help, we’re here to help.’ I think of ‘one day someone will pray for a miracle and that prayer will be answered because you showed up, that’s what this is all about.’ From rescuing Yeza to saving Giants to shattering the chains binding two of his friends to bringing peace to two warring nations to separating justice from vengeance, just look at where he is now: no longer passive or uncertain of how they can contribute to the world, Caduceus and the Nein have brought so much good into it. Caduceus knows where he stands now. Some people say that he’s the Nein’s moral compass and I disagree with that entirely, he’s become the courage to act on their moral compasses. 

Oh Bury Me Not - Okay, so I know this is where some listeners start to get antsy with all the death talk in this song and the ones after it so breathe, it’s fine. Caduceus is a Grave Cleric, y’all. Tal says that this song is an expression of Caduceus’s religious beliefs, which, uh, yeah. There is no stained glass in the Blooming Grove temple, they do all their work outside the traditional structures of religion and civilization and do it gladly, etc. The ending Bury Me Not, okay, guys, Caduceus is the singer here, not the kid being sung about. It really drives home the Wildmother’s philosophy on death: when you’re dead, you’re dead and you have no say over what happens to the corpse left behind. I think of the corpse of the Great Hero and the founding of the Blooming Grove, the Menagerie, and the Kiln. I think of Caduceus’ onscreen death and how through it, he finds his path to the Kiln. I think of him reviving Fjord. I think of him and this island and how much of a perversion it is of the ‘natural order’. Also, just given how much Fjord has impacted has impacted Caduceus’ ideas of faith and signs and stuff, it’s so fitting that this piece is here. I also think cowboys and how Tal said he’d planned on using the Ocean Burial before he came across this, I see you, Tal. 

September Song - So that build up, huh? I think of Caduceus and the Nein readying themselves for a battle to the death to save Yasha and stop Obann. I think of all the close-calls and near misses. I think of how every day, these people choose over and over and over to stay together, in spite of the coming winter, in spite of the obvious danger, in spite how much safer they would all be if they went their separate ways and planted their heads in the sand. I think of how that, their time, is the most precious gift any of them could give the others. This is not a sad thing, by the way. All these people, who have been so badly wounded by others, who are so skittish and so distrustful and so guarded, choose to stay together over and over again. No matter the hardship. They choose to spend their lives together, they choose to be better together and for each other.

22 (Over Soon) - Guys, this is 100% an Episode 95-96 song. 100%, no question in my book. I think of what Caduceus doesn’t say to his family. I think of what he does say. I think of how overwhelmed he is when the Nein saves them, I think of how he can only muster ‘It’s been a long time.’ (All these years) I think of him trying so hard to be given permission to stay with the Nein without explicitly asking for it, the subtext of ‘would you forgive me if I don’t come home yet’ threaded through his every interaction with his family. I think of how Caduceus hands the seeds over to his sister and tells her to be the hero the Grove and their family needs. I think of how easily and willingly he gave up what he’s called his destiny and charge since the beginning in order to stay with the Nein. This is Caduceus saying good-bye once and for all to the dreams of things going back to the way they were. I think Caduceus had been hoping that his family had changed just as much as he had. I think if they had, he might have gone back with them. But they haven’t changed and he has. So he can’t go home. Not yet. He cloaks his desire to stay with the Nein once more in duty but make no mistake, it’s desire that’s keeping him with them, people who may not understand him but who try and who are there and who accept the new person he has become. The build-up Tal was talking about? This is it. The moment where Caduceus first puts himself and his desires above what he thinks is his duty. The moment that Caduceus fully realizes how much he has changed and what an earth-shattering revelation it is.

We’ll Meet Again - Meetings and Partings have always had a special place in Caduceus’ arc, especially metatextually. He was the character who replaced another, who was rescued from his static seclusion by three of the Nein and who in turn rescued the three captive members. I think of how this song is a promise that, come what may, the singer will do their damnedest to return and make that promise a reality. I think of all the weird and wonderful people Caduceus has met in his short time outside the Grove. I think of all the shop keeps who just love this pink fuzzball and how many times they tell him to come back. I think about the Dusts, the meeting and parting and sanctuary they gave him. I think about Reani and Nila and how his kindness to them has come back threefold (Reani escorting his family home, Nila protecting the Grove). I think about Essek. I think about how driven Caduceus became to reforge the sword after Yasha was taken, to bring her home. I think of Caduceus prodding the Gentleman into reconciling with Jester. I think of his delight in the coincidences that keep lining up between him and Fjord. I think about Caduceus and Beau and how proud he is of her growth. I think of his declaration in the dome that ‘We aren’t done until we’ve saved each other.’ 

Enjoy It - And we wrap up our playlist with another Caduceus thesis statement: don’t worry about the things you can’t change, find the goodness and light in all of your experiences. If it’s meant to be easy, it will be and if it’s meant to be hard, it will be hard. You’re the green bean and you can choose to become jaded at the storms or enjoy the water flooding your roots. This song also fits the lightness we’ve seen from Caduceus since sending his family home. His big quest, his reason for leaving home, has been fulfilled (so he thinks, pretty sure Molaesmyr will be calling in the Nein’s near future) so now he can just sit back, relax, and fully enjoy the ride.

TL;DR - Growing up and moving on is hard and painful but it is also triumphant and necessary. Learning to be who you are and to place yourself on your list of priorities is a journey full of quiet work that few rarely glimpse. Caduceus’ whole arc has been about who he is and what he’s going to do with the strong moral compass he’s got - Is he going to continue to live in the world, even with all the pain, struggle, joy, and goodness that comes with it, or is he going to retreat from it, go back to his little patch of green and forget about it? All signs point to the former, not the latter. In tarot, Death means transformation and sweeping change even more than it does literal death. Caduceus’ playlist is all about the transformation of his self even as he remains true to his core beliefs.