#I WATCHED FIVE SEASONS OF THAT THING FIVE TIMES A MONTH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

Maybe ppl w/out ADHD would understand the difference between a hyperfix and a hobby if they knew how often I hyperfixate on mediocre franchizes. Imagine temporarily having your whole brain hijacked and become obsessed with thinking about something 24/7 and mentally connecting everything you do to that hyperfix in ways other people could never understand let alone think of, and if you somehow can't connect them, then doing all that stuff stops interesting you despite being more important, and ON TOP OF THAT the hyperfix isn't even required to be something you like all that much

[fandomsnstuff]

Design - verb - do or plan something with a specific purpose or intention in mind

Just keep that in mind for the big 2-0 k thanks

@taznovembercelebration

Day 20: design

If Taako sentenced himself to going to Lup's hockey games, the least he could do for himself is talk to the hot guy that's there.

Read it on AO3

The unfortunate thing about being the world's best brother, is that whenever his sister pulls out the elongated “pleaaaaaaaaase?” Taako just can't say no. Which is how he found himself sentenced to spending at least an hour every Sunday in a room full of ice for the foreseeable future. Why Lup had to get into hockey of all things, he'll never understand. But she asked him to come, because she wants somebody in the stands, and Barry's schedule changed recently, so now, a month into the season, Taako's gotta do it. At least he's allowed to leave immediately after the game.

He walks into the arena and inhales sharply. “Jesus fucking christ.” He shoves his hands into his pockets. It's illegally cold in here. He knew Lup was full of shit when she said ice rinks “aren't that bad.”

He scans the pathetically sparse stands. Not a ton of people willing to come out to low-tier women's hockey at noon on a Sunday. There is, however, someone who catches his eye.

Sitting in the back row is tall, dark, and handsome personified. He's wearing a black wool trench coat and leather gloves, one of which he's pulled off as he scrolls on his phone. Taako casually beelines for him.

“This seat taken?”

The man of Taako's dreams looks up, surprise on his handsome face. “No!” He says a little too quickly and a little too loudly. He clears his throat. “No, please, it's all yours.”

“Sweet.” He plops down the dumb little cushion Barry gave him and sits. “So,” he crosses his legs and props his head up on his hand, “come here often?”

He puts his phone away and pulls his glove back on. “Every week. I come to watch my mother play.”

Taako quirks an eyebrow. “No offence, but. Why? You're a grown ass man. Don't you have literally anything else you could be doing?”

He laughs awkwardly. “Honestly? No. I pretty much just eat, sleep, and work. This gets me out of the house.” He seems to suddenly remember he's also talking to someone who's voluntarily come here to watch the exact same game. “Why are you here, If you have something better to do?”

He shrugs. “My sister asked me, and I'd be hard pressed to say no.” He straightens up and holds out his hand, “Taako.”

He takes it, “Kravitz.”

“Charmed.” The gloves feel like expensive leather. “So, Kravitz, explain something to me.”

“Sure?”

“What's up with the box on wheels?” He gestures to the ice, where said box on wheels is just driving off the ice.

Kravitz laughs, “the zamboni? It floods the ice, so it's smooth for whoever's coming on next.”

“That thing can fully reset the surface in, what, five minutes?”

“Pretty much, unless there's a pretty nasty gouge in it.”

“Wild.” The teams come out on the ice and start skating in circles around each half, split up by a foot-wide red line down the center. Taako leans over, “which one is yours?”

Kravitz laughs again. “My mom's lucky number 13 on the black team. You?”

“Well hey, Lup's 18 on that team.”

Realisation dawns on his face. “Oh, you're Lup's brother?”

Taako looks at him quizzically. “Took you that long? We have the same face.”

He gets sheepish, “I've maybe only actually seen her a few times, but I usually sit with Barry, so…”

“Well Barold's tied up on Sundays in academic hell for the next little while, so you're stuck with me.”

Kravitz's brow furrows, “I don't remember him saying anything about that?”

“Don't feel bad, I hardly remember a thing he says too.”

“No, it's just– he didn't say why he wasn't coming this week, but he loves talking about his research, so I would assume if it was because of that, he'd say something? He just told me he wasn't coming, and you were, and that–” he cuts himself off and clears his throat. “Yeah, weird, I dunno.”

“No, no. Finish that sentence. What did my dear brother in law say about me?”

“He just said that… he thought we would get along? And I'm self aware enough to know I'm not super socially adept, but he had a tone that I think he was insinuating… something?”

Taako hums, and looks Kravitz up and down. He looks out to the ice and sees number 18 standing with number 13. Lup holds out a gloved hand and does a “thumbs up? Thumbs down?” gesture. Taako ignores her and presses closer to Kravitz. For warmth. “I don't know much about hockey, so you'll have to teach me.”

Kravitz is silent for a moment, processing the sudden change of subject. “I'm sure I can handle that.”

The game starts shortly, and Taako gets far more into it than he expected.

“What the hell was that whistle for?!”

“They were offside,” Kravitz points to the ice, “the puck has to cross the blue line into the other team's end before any of our players can, and vice versa. Then if the puck leaves their end and comes back in, we have to get out past the blue line as fast as possible.”

Taako crosses his arms and slumps back. “That's bullshit.”

“You didn't seem to mind when it helped us out five minutes ago.”

He glares at him, and Kravitz laughs. Play resumes for a good few minutes, then the whistle blows again for apparently no reason. Taako barely has time to inhale before Kravitz says, “it's because they iced the puck.”

“Now you know I don't know what–” he scoffs, incredulous, “why the fuck are they starting in our end?!”

“Because they iced it. Someone from our team shot the puck from our side of the red line, and it went all the way down the ice and passed the goal line at the other end, and no one got close enough to keep the puck in play before it got there. So they bring it back to our end to start again.”

“Maybe the other team should just be faster and stop that then.”

“But they want to be in our end, so an icing helps them out.”

“I don't like this icing. I prefer buttercream.”

Kravitz's laugh practically echoes around the arena.

The game ends. A victory for Lup's team despite all of the, in Taako's eyes, stupid rules. Kravitz is getting up to leave and Taako says, “hey, Krav. Can I borrow your phone?”

“Uh, sure,” he hands it over, “here.”

Taako takes it and adds himself as a contact, then texts himself, “can I take you to dinner?” He turns it off and hands it back to Kravitz. “Thanks. I'll see you later.”

He leaves, and once he's out in the parking lot, he takes his own phone and responds to the text he sent himself, “sure thing, handsome. Mind if I pick?”

He gets in his car and his phone pings with two texts.

One is from Kravitz: “Absolutely you can pick, just let me know when and were. As we've established, my social calendar is wide open.”

The second is from Lup: “You're welcome.”

[lastweeksshirttonight]

Hey uh remember when I did retrospectives of Last Week Tonight episodes? Let's bring it back to 140.

Last Lee Tonight (wherein I'm definitely showing United Passions at my next bad movie night) Season One, Episode Six

(original air date: 6/8/2014) Major topics covered: FIFA, Bashar al-Assad's incredible iTunes library

"And speaking of Germans losing things, it was the 70th anniversary of D-Day this week."

It's really nice to throw this show back on again, on a note unrelated to the purpose of this project. I don't talk much about myself but it's been a rough few months with work scheduling, my chronic illnesses, and my mental health. For every "I'm taking a very spontaneous and ill-thought-out trip to New York to see John Oliver WOOO!" moment, there's been at least five "why can't I catch a break"s. When I'm not being beaten down by the collective forces of capitalism, I genuinely haven't been watching much John at all, mainly in an effort to play the large backlog of video games and read the large pile of books lying around my house. I've been moderately successful there (hey y'all should give Cassette Beasts a go, it's delightful), but there's nothing like going back home, so to speak. (I hesitate to call LWT a comfort show for me, given that it's basically A Record of the Decline of the United States in Real Time, but it kinda serves that function to some degree. I am a psychopath.)

Where we last left off in... May, Jesus Christ, I'm so bad at scheduling and writing and content creation - when we last left off in May at Episode 5, things were finally starting to coalesce into the modern LWT experience. We had our first viral segment on Net Neutrality, the first time a segment was uploaded in full to the LWT YouTube, and an opening news roundup that was starting to feel more thoughtful and themed. This episode continues that theme and gives us our second big viral topic.

There is a variant on the desk-slapping here, where John doesn't do it to open the show, but does a milder version of it to get the audience to shut up so he can move on with doing the show. One of my favorite things about him is his constant desire to barrel through clapping or any audience praise of anything he's done at a given moment in time and this opener is a pretty good example of that.

We open on John calling the week disappointing because California Chrome, a horse competing for the Triple Crown, did not win the Triple Crown. You can tell this is an early episode of LWT because there is no prerequisite horse-fucking/bestiality joke, just John angrily saying "fuck that horse" about Tonalist, the horse that defeated California Chrome. All of these horses sound like indie bands from my college years. I feel like Tonalist opened when I saw MGMT live.

We then move into German Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. This gives John an opportunity to plumb one of his favorite comedic depths, making fun of the musicality, smoothness, and romanticism of the German language. A German man used his lifeline to call Chancellor Merkle, who, thankfully, did not answer, as she was busy running Germany.

This transitions into China hiding the events of Tiananmen Square from their populace, including by censoring the Internet.

Attempts by protestors to use different trending words - and to put facts about Tiananmen Square in a sex tape - to get around that were also clamped down on, leading to this absolutely glorious screenshot of John's hypothetical romance novel:

I feel like someone on Reddit probably wrote When Spring Turns to Summer recently.

We also learn that Friends is incredibly popular with Chinese youth. I'm not really shocked by this, Friends has a weird international reach. I know multiple Korean idols who learned English partially through watching Friends. The fact that there's a Chinese replica of Central Perk? That's wild. The show edits a Friends clip to include historical facts about the massacre, and then we move to our central story.

I'm a big fan of whenever John talks about FIFA and football in general. Recently in one of her "posts relevant to my interests", @tellthemeerkatsitsfine noted that there's a strain with John and his contemporaries with them being nerds who really wanted to be jocks, and I think that dichotomy really helps John come off credibly when he talks about the deep-rooted corruption in this particular organization. The sport is something that is literally rooted into him, hardwired as something he deeply cares about... but there's the rest of it to consider.

In my opinion, someone who deeply loves something can really be the best at describing everything wrong with it. You don't really find the grime if you're only on the surface of something. I know that critical observation of a fandom while in said fandom is in short supply these days, but I wish it was more common.

Anyways. I think FIFA's corruption and grotesqueries are pretty known in 2023, but at the time, knowledge of their fuckery wasn't as widespread. Socially, we've definitely spoken a lot more about the cost-benefit analysis of the Olympics and taxpayer-funded stadiums, which is comparative to John's opening about the issues with FIFA and claims that World Cups bring money to the areas hosting them. (Not true!) Other items I'd completely forgotten about, like FIFA Court and their boardroom looking like something out of Dr. Strangelove.

The "And Now This" is "Chris Matthews Reminds Everyone Who He Used to Work For". (Answer: Tip O'Neill.) My abiding memory of Chris Matthews is Zell Miller accusing him of beating a woman and challenging him to a duel at the 2004 Republican National Convention.

SNL had a pretty great sketch of this where Will Forte played Miller that I can't find right now. PISTOLS AT DAAAAAAAAWN MATTHEWS!!!!

The final segment is on Bashar al-Assad's campaign of terror against Syria, rigged electioneering, and chemical warfare. More importantly, al-Assad's life history and iTunes library are discussed.

This was also the subject of the classic Bugle episode 187, which has a chance to go far more in depth about his favorite music, like "Sexy and I Know It". (Andy Zaltzman describing Lil Wayne and Busta Rhymes as a doubles tennis group is one of my favorite Bugle moments of all time incidentally.)

Right Said Fred coming out to perform an anti-Assad version of "I'm Too Sexy" gives us the first time John has had a celebrity come out basically to troll one single person, and thus almost the cornerstones of modern LWT have been established. Eagerly awaiting the first bestiality joke. Also, really love the changed lyrics, they put a hell of a lot of effort into this one. I wanna see Right Said Fred live now.

Random notes:

Lee will continue sexualizing one (1) older man damn it: light blue and dark blue checked shirt, black tie, and black jacket? I know I've said red is John's color but light blue is a very close second, 10/10

I feel like I made up for not doing these for two months by writing about five year's worth of unnecessary analysis of this damn episode. Hopefully you enjoyed it!

It was amazing seeing an ESPN ad for something not handegg-related. -groan-

LWT YouTube is still a bit confused, as we did get the two major topics as their own videos... and then 1 minute of the FIFA section as its own minisode. I really would love to know the logic behind why there specific jokes were isolated like this in the beginning of the show's airing.

My sausage, if anyone cares, is the Korean idol industry. It's an absolute cataclysmic nightmare and yet there's a lot there personally that changed me and a lot that I love out of it. It's complicated. Fuck SM Entertainment.

A reminder that John's LMFAO fandom has endured for a decade longer than the band itself lasted:

[mandareeboo]

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink��� theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Riverdale//a pitcher?

Request: Riverdale meets readers boyfriend (dansby Swanson )which she’s been hiding from them for months but she finally gave in when they kept begging her

hey! i hope you like this!! and i hope you’re having a great day! 

- So, you’ve been part of Riverdale since the very beginning

- And through all of that time, everybody...including yourself have just assumed that you’re gonna forever be single 

- Either that, or you just don’t tell them anything

- But then the time rolls around to start filming season five 

- And after being away for so long 

- You’re all excited to see each other 

- Meaning both Charles and Drew forget what knocking is 

- And come bounding through the door of your trailer 

- Just as you’re saying bye to Dansby

- They both freeze

- And watch you quickly slam the lid of your laptop closed

- Before you turn and send them a glare 

- Followed by a groan when you notice the mischievous smiles that have suddenly graced their lips 

- ‘who was that?’ drew is the first to break the awkward silence 

- And honestly you would have preferred the silence 

- Because his teasing tone makes you roll your eyes so hard it hurts your head

- And the two of them slowly approach you 

- ‘was that your boyfriend?’ charles joins in and your shoulders slump as you prepare for the tirade of questions you’re about to get. ‘i thought what we had was real’ 

- ‘you trying your cheesy pickup lines on me is not real, it’s just annoying’ 

- ‘...ouch’ 

- And then there’s a long pause 

- And you can feel your heartbeat quickening as you wait to hear whatever stupid thing they’re going to say next 

- You can just feel it 

- You can see the cogs turning in their head as they try to figure out what to say next 

- It’s probably going to be annoying, offensive or both 

- And as soon as they open their mouths 

- You’re sure that the time they spent in lockdown together has made them develop some sort of weird telepathic link

- ‘sooooooo’ 

- ‘when were you gonna tell us you had a boyfriend?’ 

- ‘yeah, i thought we were friends!’ 

- ‘but are we really just work colleagues to you?’ 

- ‘people that you play pretend with and then forget about as soon as you leave’ 

- ‘jesus christ’ 

- ‘i don’t think i’ve ever been more hurt in my whole, entire life. have you charles?’ 

- ‘no drew, i haven’t’

- ‘okay! enough!’ you finally snap

- and they are grinning for ear to ear 

- giving each other not so subtle high-fives before trying to compose themselves 

- ‘yes, that was my boyfriend, we have been together for five months and the reason nobody knows is because we like privacy...or at least we used to.’ 

- ‘5 months and no introduction...okay?’ 

- Charles is promptly cut off by a pillow being thrown at his head

- Drew takes that as his cue to leave before he’s also assaulted 

- And then he runs 

- Shouting at anybody that will listen 

- ‘y/n has a boyfriend!’ 

- ‘and she’s kept it from us for 5 months!’ 

- Charles adds and another pillow is thrown at a now closed door

- Stupidly enough 

- You think that’s gonna be the end of it 

- There’ll be a few days of teasing 

- And then they’ll forget 

- But then you remember who your friends are 

- And how little they care for boundaries 

- So, for four, long, never-ending months 

- The first things you hear when you come into work 

- And the last things you hear before you leave is

- ‘can we meet him yet?’ 

- Every. Single. Day

- ‘come on, you’ve met all of ours’ 

- ‘how can i forget? do you know how many times i’ve been a third wheel to every single of you’ 

- ‘well...now you don’t have to!’ 

- ‘come on, just tell us his name’

- ‘hmmm, nope’ 

- ‘why?’

- ‘is he famous?’ 

- ‘a prince?’ 

- ‘a spy?’ 

- ‘jordan, where the fuck would I have met a spy?’ 

- ‘i dunno’

- ‘so why won’t you tell us who it is?’ 

- ‘because it annoys you’ 

- But eventually you agree 

- And soon you find yourself hand in hand with Dansby as you walk through the door of Club 404

- Dansby whispers something in your ear 

- His soft curls tickling your cheek and a giggle escapes your lips causing a large grin to grace his features 

- You press a reassuring kiss to his lips 

- And whisper a small 

- ‘we can leave if you want, just say the word and we’ll go’ 

- Which is met by an eye roll 

- Before your eyes reluctantly scan the dark, crowded room for your friends 

- And luckily, it doesn’t take you very long to find them

- Especially Vanessa 

- Who’s dancing and stumbling along to the music with Mads and Lili while Cami films them 

- Jordan, Drew and Casey are involved in some sort of drinking competition 

- Drew is surprisingly in the lead 

- Casey has spilt more of his drink that he has actually drank 

- And Jordan looks like he’s going to through up

- The rest of the group try their hardest to have a conversation, despite the fact that they can barely hear themselves think let alone speak 

- Upon seeing you 

- The few that aren’t dancing/trying not to throw up

- Shout and cheer you over 

- The girls stop dancing and stumble towards you

- And you’ve already been pulled into a weird half hug before you can even make it to the table 

- KJ’s halfway to the bar to get another round 

- And nobody seems to have noticed that you aren’t alone 

- Well, that isn’t until Casey opens his big mouth 

- ‘holy shit! guys, guys. Dansby Swanson has just walked in!’ 

- ‘who?’

- ‘dansby swanson!’ 

- ‘what?!’

- ‘the baseball player!’ 

- ‘he’s stood right behind y/n...y/n...y/n, move out of the way!’ 

- ‘jesus christ’ you mutter lowly and send an exasperated look to your highly amused boyfriend

- ‘this is dansby, he’s my boyfriend’ 

- ‘holy shit!’

- ‘no way!’

- ‘really?’

- ‘i’m trying really hard not be offended’ 

- Yeah

- Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to do this when they’re drunk 

- ‘sooo, how’d you meet?’ 

- ‘at a game’ 

- ‘one of my friends usually goes with her boyfriend, but he couldn’t make it so i went instead’ 

- Cue the chorus of awe’s 

- ‘yeah he almost hit me in the head with a ball’ 

- ‘oh’ 

- You’re nominated to get the next round 

- And you reluctantly leave your boyfriend in the not so capable hands of your friends 

- Bad idea 

- Because when you come back 

- He’s been roped into a drinking competition 

- Which he wins 

- While also being dragged out towards the dance floor 

- ‘so do you guys approve?’ 

- ‘of course we do!’ 

- ‘he’s a keeper! he’s already got me tickets to the next game. 

- ‘casey, are you seriously using my boyfriend for your own personal gain?’ 

- ‘absolutely…not’

- ‘hey y/n, you could say he’s a pitcher’ 

- ‘no, you couldn’t’ 

support my writing! if you'd like!

[nanoland]

mazikeen/eve/michael fic in progress

title: Ponder on the Narrow House

fandom: Lucifer

characters: Mazikeen, Eve, Michael 

blurb: In which Mazikeen isn't finished with Michael yet. 

warnings: Spoilers for Season 5. 

0  

In 2019, Fodor’s had crowned LAX the worst airport on Planet Earth, comparing it – much to Mazikeen’s amusement – to Dante Alighieri’s Hell.

She couldn’t comment on the comparison’s accuracy; she’d never read Divina Comedia. Human poetry bored her.

Up against the real thing, however? Hell was quieter, cleaner, and smelt better than Los Angeles International, and it wasn’t even close.

Granted, Mazikeen was biased. Hell was her home and she liked it quite a lot. But surely even a human – even an angel – would sooner take a stint in one of Lucifer’s loops than spend more than thirty minutes in Terminal 3.

Yet there he was, leaning against the wall, watching the bustling crowd with a faint smile on his face, like a man in the park resting his eyes on the ducks. Perfectly content.

“Do you know,” he said as she approached him, “that around forty percent of all humans are scared of flying?”

She hadn’t been sure how this encounter would go and, being innately practical, had dressed accordingly. Black satin skirt, flattering and loose enough to both conceal several demon daggers (invisible to the full-body scanner she’d just sauntered through) and not impede her reaction time in a fight. Red silk wrap blouse, easily unwrapped to serve as a garrotte or tourniquet. Hair down, curled, dyed pitch black with bronze-gold streaks – possibly a tactical disadvantage if he grabbed it, but possibly a distraction. She knew he liked her hair.

When she was satisfied he wasn’t about to lunge for her throat, she took a gamble and moved in to lean against the wall alongside him, following his gaze. “Not surprising. Think of it from their perspective. They don’t have wings. Actually – huh. I guess that’s a perspective you can sympathise with now.”

He sneered. “You’re trying to bait me, Miss Mazikeen. That’s cute. But I’m not in the mood, dollface. This? This is me time. I’ve had a shitty few days and I came here specifically to soak up these idiot mortals’ fear and chill out. Get lost. Go play with my twin if you’re so starved for entertainment.”

Mazikeen stretched. “That’s the problem. He’s hanging out with the rest of your lousy family. Gabriel. Raziel. Jophiel. Now that he’s in charge, they’re all trying to crawl up his ass. It’s pathetic. And annoying.”

His jaw clenched and she knew exactly what he was thinking: ‘That should have been me.’

“Also,” she added, after a pause, “they don’t like me. Most of them have never met a demon. There’s no outright hostility but… they talk to me like I’m some gross exotic pet Lucifer found and adopted.”

“They’re afraid of you.”

“Bullshit.”

“Nope. I’m wrong about some things. Never about fear. They can tell how much you matter to him, how much he’d do for you and vis versa, and it scares them shitless. Chloe Decker they can understand – she was Dad’s gift, after all. You, though? Lucy was never supposed to love you. No one was.”

She fiddled with her earring; big, gold, shaped like a swallow with rubies dotting its tail feathers. A gift from Eve. “Whatever. Anyway, that’s why I’m here. With you. Instead of them. You’re the worst, most obnoxious, most cowardly creep ever. I mean it. Christ, do you suck. But you always talked to me like I was a person. Right from the beginning.”

Ugliness flared behind his eyes. “Seriously? Now you’re being nice? Lucifer sent his general to console me? Ha! That’s how pitiful he thinks I am?”

“Pfft – no. Lucifer doesn’t give a crap about you. I’m here because I wanna offer you a job, moron.”

“A… job.”

“Yep. Ever heard of ‘bounty-hunting’?”

He nodded. Slowly. Smirking, she pushed off the wall and twirled on her six-inch heels to face him.

“Here’s the thing, o Angel of Dread; I’ve spent centuries in Hell learning how to terrify people. I look at you and you know what I see? Potential. Sure, you’re rough around the edges. Still got some celestial baby fat clinging to you. Still a little squeamish when it comes to certain tricks of the trade. But Mikey, honey, six months under my tutelage and I think we can turn you into a bona fide fucking nightmare.”

She let the skin on her face’s left side melt away and grinned at him. “So? How about it?”

“Eh,” he said after taking one last glance around the terminal. “Fuck it. Why not? Nothing better to do.” 

0 

“Los Angeles is kinda like me,” Mazikeen told him, taking off her red-lensed cat-eye sunglasses as she strutted down the pier.

“Doesn’t have a soul?”

A withering glare. “Tough. Pretty on the outside, mean on the inside. It’s easy to make enemies around here and when you’ve made ‘em, you need to stay on your toes. Stay nimble. Stay mobile. Ready to fight or flee at any moment.”

Michael nodded. “And that’s how you justify living on a tugboat.”

“Ahoy!” called Eve, standing on the deck in a polka dot bikini and pirate hat Mazikeen had presumably stolen for her off the set of some summer blockbuster or other being shot nearby, the salty breeze playing with her hair.

“It’s a yacht,” Mazikeen growled.

“No. That’s a yacht,” Michael replied, pointing to the gleaming white MCY 70 Skylounge docked nearby. “What you have is a glorified raft that can, at best, accommodate two people and maybe a toaster.”

He should, perhaps, be trying harder to ingratiate himself with his new boss.

But he was tired.

Getting in his face, she snapped, “Hey! That’s our headquarters, asshole. Show some respect.”

“It’s covered in seagull crap. It looks older than me. There’s a very obvious bloodstain on the helm. Jesus, doesn’t Lucifer pay you?”

She pushed him into the sea.

Offering him a hand when he bobbed to the surface, Eve said, “Don’t take it personally. She’s just mad because we weren’t able to steal a bigger one.” 

0 

It was while Michael was towelling himself dry down below decks that the chunky-faced cop wandered in, took one look at him, and strode across the room.

“Mister Espinoza,” he drawled, “what can I-… oh. Oh, wow, you really thought that was going to work, huh?”

Curled up on the floor, clutching the fist he’d very mistakenly slammed into Michael’s jaw, Dan hissed, “Fuck you. You killed me.”

“Poppycock. I had you killed. That’s entirely different, buddy.”

Dan staggered to his feet and shouted, “Maze! Eve! What the hell is he doing here?”

Taking off his wet jacket and draping it over the rack alongside the towel, Michael said, “I was invited, thank you very much. No one told me you were part of the arrangement.”

“What arrangement, asshole?” Dan snapped, turning red. “I’m just here to help Maze fix her boat’s engine.”

“Oh. You don’t work with her, then? No, I suppose you wouldn’t. As we’ve established, you’re entirely too killable.”

“You sleazy son-of-a… Maze! Get down here!”

Grumbling, Michael’s new boss stalked below deck carrying a crate of beer on her left shoulder and a sleeping bag under her right arm. “Goddammit – Dan, I told you to wait. Is your hand bleeding, you big meathead? We seriously just dragged your ass out of Hell and you couldn’t go two whole days before breaking yourself again? Ugh. You’re impossible. You’re worse than Decker.”

“Maze, d’you wanna explain what the actual fuck Lucifer’s psycho twin is doing here?”

“Interning,” Michael said, cheerfully.

His face now practically purple, Dan half-yelled, “What is he talking about? This is not okay, Maze! Does Chloe know? Does Amenadiel? Why is he even still on Earth? Lucifer’s God now; can’t he stick him on Mars or turn him into a bug or something?”

“Look, Dan, just calm down-…” she began.

“I died! I actually, literally, physically died! Because of him! No, I’m not going to calm down!”

Michael scoffed. “Please. Like that’s what you’re really upset about. You’re not angry about dying. You’re not angry at all. You’re scared, buttercup. And not just of me; of her, of Lucifer, of everything, and to be honest, I didn’t even need to use the ol’ angel juice to work that out.”

Mazikeen set down her cargo, pulled a knife from her belt, and flung it. It embedded itself five inches deep in the floor between them. “This? This is not Lux, dickheads. Mortals and celestials don’t hang out here to have a good time while I sit behind the bar and tolerate them. This crummy, crusty-ass, piece of crap boat is my domain. Here, I don’t have to put up with one femtometre of your bullshit. If you want to fight, do it somewhere else. If you want to fuck, do it quick and clean up afterwards. If you want to make yourselves useful, help me get the weapons on board.”

“Wait – wait, weapons? What weapons?” said Dan to her retreating back. “You said you were going fishing. Maze! What weapons?” 

0

“Where’s all your stuff?” Eve asked when she showed him to his tiny cabin.

“I’m an archangel. I don’t have ‘stuff’.”

(Michael had already decided he didn’t like her. She was bubbly.)

“Heh. You should travel with Lucy sometime. We went to Vancouver for a weekend and he brought seven bags, five watches, and six pairs of shoes. Okay, do you – uh, do you at least have a change of clothes? Because those look kinda soggy.”

To his annoyance – and embarrassment – she spend twenty minutes hunting down a shirt and pants that would fit him.

“They’re mine,” she said, dropping them into his lap. “But I bought them to sleep in and I like loose pyjamas, so they’re a dozen sizes too big on me. Oh! Also found you this.”

She presented a hot water bottle in the shape of a fat, cuddly sheep.

He accepted it carefully, wondering if it was booby-trapped. “You’re Lucifer’s ex, right?”

“Er… yep? Amongst other things. The Original Sinner. First Woman, First Wife, First Mother. Mother of Mankind. Second Human. First Knowledgeable Human. But sure, I was also your brother’s girlfriend for a while.”

“And now you’re Mazikeen’s. Do you also work with her?”

“Sure do!” she said, interpreting the question as an invitation to sit down next to him. “I’m The Choronzon’s captain. That’s our boat’s name. My idea. I know she’s not much to look at but she’s got so much history. There’ve been fourteen homicides on her! Plus, she’s fast; way, way faster than she looks. And I know the beds are hard, but we’ve got three hammocks stashed away and getting them set up is easy as pie.”

“Wow. Those suckers up in the Silver City don’t know what they’re missing.”

She nodded, blinking slowly. “Hmm. Maze was right. You are mean. That’s cool. I get on well with mean people. Anyway, just in case she hasn’t told you; we’ve got a job lined up and we’ll be setting sail tomorrow at dawn. You get seasick? Not a problem; we’ve got a medical kit full of antiemetics. On that note, should we pick up something for you before we leave shore?”

“No.”

“You sure? Just that – uh – I mean, my third son, Seth, the one nobody talks about – he also had pretty severe scoliosis. Wasn’t a whole lot we could do about it back then. But these days they’ve got tons of stuff; opiods and anti-inflammatories and memory foam. Science is so, so cool. And I’m going shopping for sunscreen anyway, so dropping by the pharmacy wouldn’t be a problem.”

For a moment, he reviewed a list of responses that would deeply, profoundly hurt her, responses that would ensure she didn’t approach him again.

But he was tired, tired, tired.

“Here.”

He took a folded piece of A4 paper from his pocket and handed it to her. “These are what the last human doctor I went to recommended. Getting hold of those three I’ve circled is tricky, but I know a guy. Call him on that number down there and he’ll meet you wherever. If he gives you any trouble, remind him that Michael knows about the vacuum cleaner. That’ll shut him up.”

As soon as she’d bounced out of the room, he shut the door, locked it, and laid down to sleep. 

0

It was night when he awoke.  

He went upstairs to find Mazikeen and Eve sitting on the deck, admiring what stars could be seen through Los Angeles’ perpetual light pollution and sharing a pizza.

“Mickey! Get over here,” called Mazikeen, clad in a black dressing down and slippers shaped like plump pink pigs.

“It’s freezing,” he complained.

She snickered and threw him the prickly blanket that had been resting over her knees. “Wimp. Eve told you about the job, yeah?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know how to use any weapons?” Eve asked. “Maze sticks with her knives most of the time. I prefer my traps and crossbow. But we’ve got guns, if that’s more your speed.”

They were clearly expecting him to sit down. Eve had even scooted to the left to make room.

He opened the blanket up and wrapped it around his shoulders, remaining standing. “Can I ask a question? What, precisely, is my role here?”

“For now, you’re a meat shield,” said Mazikeen, talking through a mouthful of pepperoni and violently yellow cheese. “Me and Eve are both vulnerable to bullets. I mean – I’m less vulnerable, obviously. But I don’t hate any of my relatives enough to go about finding out exactly how many bullets it takes to snuff a demon. So your job, at least tomorrow, is just to soak up enemy fire until we’ve got our hands on the target.”

Scowling, he said, “Getting shot does hurt, you know.”

“Yeah,” she replied, eyes shining with spite. “Dan sure seemed to think so.”

When the tense silence had stretched for over thirty seconds, Eve clapped her hands, smiling anxiously, and said, “So! Anyone up for rummy?”

(to be continued) 

[ohpsshaw]

~DFS Christmas Special~

No desire to draw lately, so I’ve been doing little prose sketches instead.

Just in time for December, here’s what turned out to be Uncle Jack taking Al Christmas shopping. This would be circa 199X B.G. (Before Glenn), making Al in his early 20s.

(Watch out if you have high blood sugar, cos this gets KINDA SACCHARINE.)

It had finally stopped snowing, thank goodness. The fresh white blanket reflected crisp light in through the windows, making him feel chilled inside. Luckily Pop was a comfort creature who kept a stock of hot chocolate mix in the pantry. Al never seemed to reach for it back at his apartment, but something about visiting home in the winter months made a warm mug feel as essential as a limb.

Uncle Jack had asked Al to accompany him for some holiday shopping later, and a chocolate briquette would be good to have heating his gut. He took it to the couch in the living room. Someone had dug up the old photo books and left them on the coffee table a few days ago. Flipping through, he noticed that half the pages were completely empty— photography had never been a popular concept in the Czar household. The preserved moments were of family trips and landmarks, rambunctious sepia-washed office parties, Al’s school portraits. Rarer was anything taken inside the house. One shot of himself at four or five years old, standing on the yellow-sunlit staircase and showing the camera a toy car, surfaced a memory of being coached to keep his mouth closed so as not to alarm a 1-hour photo developer. Thinking on it, it may have been more than coincidence that most of these were instant Polaroids.

Through the window, he heard the muffled sound of a car door, then: “What the fuck are you doing!?” Hey, Pop’s home. Al pulled back the curtain to watch the drama unfolding at the end of the driveway, where Uncle Jack had been chipping at the wall of powder the afternoon snowplow had left. Xav had just returned from morning errands and parked in the street, storming over the slush to stop his brother from working.

Cold air blasted from the foyer. Snow crunched as Xav shook out the snow shovel behind him. “Why was he doing this by himself? Did you become a quadriplegic when I wasn’t looking?”

Al flipped through the Rolodex in his head for the answer that would earn him the least amount of grief. He shrugged, as if confused by the absurdity of the question. “He didn’t ask.”

“I didn’t ask, Max.” Jack took the shovel back. “But you’re right, I should have. Reckon it was my vanity what did me in— I can’t stand to be upstaged by some young buck doing the same job in half the time.” He winked at his nephew. “Well, three-quarters.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Xav spat, the corners of his mouth curling up against his will. “You both know I’m not being unreasonable. You’re not a guest, Alan Henry. As far as I’m concerned, you still live here. You earn your keep during the day, and MAYBE I’ll consider putting on my robe and letting you suckle dinner from my left tit.”

Al choked on his hot chocolate.

“Shit. Careful on the carpet. I’ll get you a paper towel.” Xav left for the kitchen, grumble-exorcising demons as he walked. “If Papa caught one of us sitting on our ass while the other did chores...”

Why did Pop have to save his best lines for when people were eating? Bent over and lapping chocolate out of the crevices of his palm, Al thought he saw a piece of marshmallow among the bubbles. Heh... hope that didn’t come out of his nose.

“You still need me to shovel?” he asked Jack.

“Son, I would be honored,” Jack nodded, holding the shovel on the doormat like a knight leaning on an orange sword. “Gitcher boots on and you can finish the job before we head out. I’ll make sure your Pop watches the show from inside.”

Xav returned with the towels and a smirk. “Talking shit about me, Jack?”

“I was just sayin’ how you’ll hate to see us go, but you’ll love to watch us walk away.”

“Got that fucking right.” Al cleaned his face while Xav dabbed each of his fingers individually. An oddly tender gesture. “What are you two going out for, exactly?”

“Juuust... shoppin’. I need Alan’s opinion on somethin’.”

“Uh-huh.” Secrets being a rare and dangerous thing in this family, there wasn’t much question as to what this was really about. Especially between brothers who were as close as twins. But the holidays were about giving, after all, so Xav seemed to decide to give them the benefit of the doubt. A game is more fun when everybody plays along.

Truthfully, even Al wasn’t sure what they were going to get for his father. A successful family man hitting his sixties doesn’t want for much. By this point, Xav had enough neckties and “#1 Dad” mugs to be buried surrounded by them like a pharaoh. Jack could always steal the show by reaching into his deep D.D.S. pockets or by making a new piece of furniture, but the son was held to no such standards. Xav had simple hobbies, and he seemed to have the house exactly how he wanted it. Was Al too old to make a coupon book, redeemable for hugs and remembering to use a coaster?

Or maybe his gift to Pop could be giving college another shot. Dropping out had caused some... friction, a flint-strikes-wood situation that had led to Al moving out of the house, and eventually out-of-state. He had to admit, the independence felt good. Putting his shoes on the coffee table, not having to tell anyone where he was going... he’d definitely become more promiscuous. No independent murders, though, which was starting to grate on him. He’d realized lately that he had always expected to be allowed to do more, without his father and uncle. Maybe if he did what Pop wanted, things would calm down so he could move back to Michigan and use the cabin. But the idea of sitting in another classroom, taking notes on a subject he didn’t care about, all for the promise of 50 years chained to a desk... It made him want to sleep forever.

When the car pulled up to the mall, Al was not surprised at all by the entrance his uncle had chosen. “Mind if I peek in Sears?” Jack asked, as if wild horses could stop him.

Home improvement and appliance stores were another phenomenon Al only seemed to experience at home. The dusty, unvarnished smell and high ceilings had been a frequent backdrop during his childhood— for Jack, they seemed to be akin to a candy store. He was talented as a carpenter and repairman, and sincerely relished something going wrong with the house if it meant he could pull out his toolkit. He also liked to make things go wrong with human bodies on occasion, but there was a separate box for those tools waiting up at the cabin.

Two steps in the door, and a weary-looking holiday hire hit them up with a canned pitch: “...and I’m happy to help you find whatever’s on your list!“ Aggressive customer service, the bane of the paranoid shopper. Jack was the front line for shaking off overly helpful greeters, which Xav had called “the second-worst thing to come out of the 80s after Iran-Contra.”

“Just lookin’, God willing— I brought my conscience with me to make me behave,” Jack looked to his nephew. “Don’t let me buy a single screw, y’hear?”

��Got it. Bulk purchases only.” That earned Al a shove.

Salesperson successfully deflected, Jack ducked toward his usual corner: the big ticket carpentry goods. When Al caught up, he was running his hand over a table saw. As much as he loved his uncle, Al wasn’t particularly interested in watching him fantasize about cutting wood, or even bone. “You have a project in mind?”

“A bit of a science experiment, next time we play cards,” Jack’s pupils darted along the equipment, still in reverie. “I’ve been readin’ a book about crucifixions, and how they affect the body.”

“Oh, that’s seasonal.”

“‘Course, I won’t be able to try it ‘til next year. You think your Pop would let me pick out a rabbit by April?” Jack chuckled. He was not talking about the Easter bunny. “We can see if she comes back to life after three days.”

Al snorted. “Jesus.”

“Precisely. Y’know, Christ is usually depicted with holes in his hands, but in actuality, the Romans would have put the nails through his wrists.” Jack picked up Al’s arm to demonstrate, dancing fingers across his palm. “Ain’t much to take hold of in here. It’s too fragile and open-ended. But if you move up the arm,”— he pressed his thumb into the straightened portion of Al’s median nerve— “You can hook the radius and the ulna. Much better support.” Jack’s eyes flickered with glee. “And it hurts like a bitch!”

“Wait, are you going to go first, or last?” Playing cards was usually a once-a-year affair, and the night Al looked forward to the most. If Jack snuffed her out before he had his turn...

“Oh, don’t worry, son. Done right, she could last for days.” Not that she would, since Pop would probably have something to say about that. “I just want to try, er... doin’ as the Romans do. And who knows, maybe you’ll like it. Every bachelor eventually needs to have a girl nailed down!”

They cackled and then shushed each other, wincing like sneaky little boys at the idea that someone would hear them over the store’s ambient shopping muzak. They really shouldn’t talk like this in public, even with code words and euphemisms. Though over the years they’d learned that people can be experts at ignoring what’s right under their noses. Certainly none of the men had ever overheard anyone else planning a murder.

“It’s just a pipe dream, I’m still in the plannin’ stages,” Jack added. “Ain’t even got the lumber yet. So if you wanna put some packages under the tree that are, say, 4-by-6 and 72 inches long... I promise to be shocked when I unwrap ‘em.”

Al’s attention shifted over his uncle’s shoulder, to a shelf of handheld orbital sanders. Al was more of a hands-on kind of guy— he still got a little queasy thinking about Jack’s experiment to see which sandpaper grit was the best at removing skin.

“So what was it you wanted me to look at? I don’t think Pop needs a crucifix for Christmas.”

“Oh, I’m just killin’ time before our appointment.”

“Appointment?”

“At the photo studio. I want you to give your Pop a picture.”

“...of us?”

“Naw, just you.”

Al loved that. “Yeah, that’d be hilarious. Merry Christmas, Pop, I got you me!”

A pause. “Oh, you’re serious.”

“As a heart attack, son. It’s just what he needs.”

“Do you have, I don’t know, a backup plan?” Al faltered. “Something less self-centered? I’m not exactly his favorite person right now. He kind of thinks I’m a failure.”

“Alan, you are not a failure. You are...” Jack patted his nephew’s cheek. “An unbroken mustang who has not yet found his ranch. And your father is just tryna keep you from bein’ sold as horse meat.” He slid them into a far aisle for more privacy. “He worries about you a lot, and he misses you somethin’ fierce.”

Al chewed his cheek. “Well, talk to him about showing it sometime.”

“No, son,” Jack took him by the shoulder, looking around to make sure they were alone. “Your father cries. At night when he talks about you, he starts wellin’ up like a waif. He doesn’t need to hear that you know about it, but it’s the God’s honest truth. All he talks about is wantin’ you back home.”

“I think movin’ out has been good for you, and I’m happy you did it. But it wounded him to his core. You’re his heart, kid.”

Al wasn’t sure how he was taking this information, but he knew how he was supposed to. He scrunched his eyes closed and took a deep breath.

“Okay... If you’re completely sure he won’t think it’s stupid.”

“Are you kiddin’? He’ll put it on the nightstand.” Jack grinned. “And if you smile for it real nice, I’ll take you to that steakhouse in the plaza after.”

Al cocked an eyebrow. “You were gonna go there anyway.”

“Yes. Yes, I was. But won’t you enjoy your ribeye that much more knowin’ you’ve earned it?” Mmn, maybe. “Besides... did you have any better ideas?”

⬥ ⬥ ⬥

Come Christmas Day, Xav had unwrapped the waist-up portrait and just said “thank you”— which was worrying because he was usually much more verbose than that— and gone silent in his chair. At least he wasn’t mad. Al looked to Jack, who smiled knowingly and handed him a package to keep the gift exchange going.

Al figured it was because Jack had given him something funny, but then he heard his father breathe in sharply.

“Maudit tabarnak... you fucking assholes,” Xav’s voice sounded high and squeaky, like it was being squeezed through slabs of rock. He ducked his chin into his bedshirt collar to hide his face.

“You, fucking... why’d you have to...” He shook his hand at the framed photo. Oh boy, he really did hate it. The whole idea was idiotic. Al had sat in front of that artfully-mottled green backdrop and squinted for a man with a bow tie and no indoor voice for nothing, except for the sheer discomfort of it. And a ribeye steak with a baked potato.

Xav blinked up at the ceiling and gulped, his Adam’s apple fluctuating grotesquely. Eventually he seemed to find his voice again. “Why didn’t you tell me you were having pictures taken, so I could make sure he had his fucking hair combed?” He showed them the photo. “Look at his bangs— they’re all over the fucking place.”

Al had to admit, they did look a little wild. “Aw, shoot. Sorry, Pop,” he laughed.

Jack tutted. “I think it looks nice. Rugged.”

“That’s because you don’t know how to comb your hair either, Jack.” Xav brought the photo back into his lap, looking it over. “Looks like he fought a bear before sitting down. But don’t worry, I still like it. You look handsome, kid. Maybe I can find some space on my nightstand.” Al and Jack exchanged victory grins, and didn’t catch Xav wiping tears from both eyes.

[fictionallemons]

My Supernatural Story

For years people told me I should watch Supernatural. "Oh, you like Sherlock and ship Johnlock, you would love Supernatural. Oh, you like writing fanfic, you should watch Supernatural." But I never did. I chalk it up to it starting the year I cut the cord on cable TV. By the time Supernatural started streaming it had been on so long I thought there was no way I could catch up.

Flash forward to 2019. I'm looking for something to watch when doing dishes and stuff because there's only so many time you can rewatch Murder, She Wrote (it's a lot, but there's still a limit). Another mom at the bus stop mentions Supernatural when I ask for show recommendations. "It's starting its last season. The first five seasons are the best, but it's still pretty good."

I look up how many seasons it's been by now and my jaw drops. Fifteen seasons? Jesus Christ. But the fact that it's officially ending give me motivation. Something about knowing exactly how many episodes I'm in for if I end up liking it makes me feel better about the whole thing. I'm also looking for a new fandom and I know there's an entire world of SPN fanfiction out there so if I end up liking the show, then I have a ton of fic open to me. I've been on Tumblr for a couple of years at this point, mostly for Sherlock, so I'm aware of this ship called Destiel, and I know it's pretty huge, so who knows, maybe I'll get into it.

I watch the first episode one sunny September afternoon before the kids get home from school. It's a little scary, a lot dark—I mean, the cinematography is like super dark, and I spend most of the episode wondering how I've gone this far in my life without knowing how fucking adorable Jensen Ackles's stupid face is. I came for the entry to the fanfiction, I stayed for Dean, not going to lie. Don't get me wrong, I like Sam, too, but even though in real life Jared Padalecki and I are the same age, when I start watching he's 22 and I'm 37, and I see him as a kid. Then I'm like—where's this Castiel character I've heard so much about? Quick Google later…he doesn't show up until the FOURTH SEASON? Are you serious? I have to watch three whole seasons before meeting the character I'm supposed to be shipping with my idiotic, adorable Dean?

Turns out I didn't mind waiting because I last all of three episodes before I break down and search the Dean/Sam tag on AO3. I learn the term Wincest. I cringe. Then I Google "starter Wincest recs." I'm in denial about this ship. I find Invisible Boy and other Weecest fics and think, gross. There's no way I can read about underage brothers. Blech. I start with Nyxocity. I don't want to read too far ahead of where I am in the show, so I start slow. But it's inexorable. Inevitable. The more I read, the more it all makes so much sense. What brother is going to literally sell his soul and damn himself to Hell to save his baby brother? Said brother is definitely in love with baby brother. Becoming Wincest trash is easy. And, shocker, my tolerance grows to a point where even Weecest doesn't bother me, as long as it's good. By the time the fabled Castiel shows up on the scene, I'm so deeply involved in Sam and Dean's love story that I kind of find Cas annoying. Handsome and charismatic, but annoying. Not to mention constantly fucking up.

And remember when I said I stayed with the show for Dean? True, I still spend a good portion of every show marveling over the way the camera adores Jensen's face, but Sam, strong, smart Sam grew on me so hard. (Soulless Sam rivals Dean on the hot scale any day imo.) He's another flavor of adorable.

So I make it to the end of Season Five. Swan Song, aka a Wincest love letter. I sob my way through it and think. Okay. I could stop now. I'd be okay to stop. But there were so many legendary episodes I had heard of and couldn't bring myself to watch out of order, like Baby and the Scooby Doo crossover. Not to mention my poor Sam is in hell…or is he?…and Dean and Lisa make me want to throw up in my mouth. And the fanfiction obsession's getting worse. At this point, I'm deeply into J2 fics as well (all the fun of Wincest without the pesky incest part), and reading the occasional Destiel fic even though it doesn't really do anything for me, but there are so many interesting characters that my favorite writers reference and I have no idea who they are: Charlie? Benny?  Rowena? Jack? I don't know who these people are, but I know I won't be complete until I find out. So I keep watching. And reading. And, yes, eventually writing my own Wincest and J2 fics, too.

By the time the show shuts down in March, I've watched probably half the episodes. By the time it comes back in October, I've caught up. I've watched every episode there is. Seven left. Seven episodes I'll have to actually wait a whole week in between to watch, like the old days.

I sob when Cas dies in Despair. The guy grew on me, even though I never could ship him and Dean canonically. The fact that the writers made canon that he was in love with Dean really changes the entire way I view the show now. Not in a bad way, just…the show really isn't about romance. It's about Sam and Dean and saving the world. So while I'm sad to lose Cas, I'm happy they're ending the show the way it started, with Dean and Sam and the Impala. I love how they dealt with Chuck and I cry when Jack fades away. I sob again when they pull a motherfucking montage on us at the end of 15x19. But I'm happy it's just the two of them again. (I am kind of disappointed that the series started with Sam as the emotional core, and then shifted to Dean, and never quite figured out how to shift back. Yes, Sam's awesome, and he's had some moments to shine, and he's saved Dean as many times as Dean's saved him. But has his arc really been as epic as Dean's turned out to be?)

And yet I'll be okay if they drive off into the sunset together, literally. Even if they die, if they die together and end up in their shared heaven, I'll be okay. I need my boys to be together, forever and always. I need them to have each other. I need them to have peace. I need them to choose each other, over and over again, always and forever. It sucks for everyone they've met and loved that all those people are basically collateral damage in the Sam and Dean Save the World Show, but oh well. That's the show. That's why I watched 327 episodes in 14 months. That's why I've worried about these boys since episode one. That's why I'm grateful I finally started watching. In Cas's words, the show changed me. Yes, I joined the fandom about fourteen years too late.

Better late than never.

My Wincest fics on AO3 My J2 fics on AO3 My bookmarks on AO3 in case you want recs

[stevebillyrecs]

Not-So-Fluffy Holiday Season Recs

Ho-ho-ho, it’s that time of the year again! Where we all drown in thoughtful gifts, family bonding, and mistletoe kisses! If you’re looking for something other than just pure fluff (like me) but still want to get your holiday season fix, this is the rec list for you. That’s not to say that there won’t be any fluff, just that it’s not the sole focus of the story!

Included: Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Year’s Eve fics containing family drama, smut, heavy plot, or just some good ol’ angsty pining. Also, still a whole lot of fluff in between the non-fluff. Not included: Fics about any other, especially non-Christian holidays… because I couldn’t find a single one. Sad!

24 fics under the cut!

mistletoe and other holiday propaganda by brawlite / @brawlite & ToAStranger / @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger (54k, E)

Everybody wants something for Christmas. It just so happens that the only way for everyone to get what they want is for Billy and Steve to pretend to be dating over Christmas break. It’s really the only option.

Yule Shoot Your Eye Out by eternalgoldfish / @eternalgoldfish (3k, T)

Steve moves to Indianapolis to avoid Hawkins, but Billy doesn’t get the memo. Now it’s Christmas, they’re snowed in at work, and Steve is giving up on holidays. Merry Christmas, I could care less.

been crawling series by kate_button / @un-buttoned (8k, E)

The crop top was right there on the main aisle in the women’s section. Steve’s not entirely sure, like, why it exists, but he’s not disappointed about it. The rest of it came together pretty quickly (and cheaply) after that. So anyway, that’s how he finds himself drinking jungle juice out of a red solo cup looking like the twenty-two-year-old-man version of Karen Smith, animal ears and too much skin, bada boom, costume. I’m a dog. Duh.

You Get the Mistletoe and I’ll Be Your Santa, Baby by LazyBaker / @granpappy-winchester (2k, G)

Steve’s looking at him and Billy’s wearing Steve’s itchy and warm handmade I love you sweater, looking right back. They’re sharing a blanket.

nothing is finite (in the evening light) by Philosoferre / @babyhargrove (22k, T)

“It’d be convenient,” Billy adds. He’s looking at Steve expectantly, but he’s still a little guarded. “And, uh. Road trips, you know. They’re supposed to be fun and shit. Don’t make this a bigger deal than it is, Harrington.” Steve finds himself smiling; he doesn’t bother trying to hide it. Billy narrows his eyes curiously. "Sure,” Steve says. Or, Steve and Billy go on a road trip to Hawkins for Christmas break. Both of them might be very much in love.

If You Kissed Me Now by socknonny / @socknonny (1k, T)

When Steve kisses Jonathan under the mistletoe at the Byers’ Christmas party, it’s only for a joke. But for some reason, it sets Billy off, and Steve won’t leave him alone until he understands why.

Christmas in the Benz by flippyspoon / @flippyspoon (6k, E)

Steve escapes a crappy Harrington Christmas only to find another crappy Christmas refugee.

Under the Moon by ImNeitherNor / @imneithernor (3k, T)

“Hargrove?” The voice yanks Billy back into the present and he stands up fast enough to make himself dizzy. He blinks twice, shifts his boots in the snow, and looks over to where the voice had floated from. Standing in his Members Only jacket with that fucking bat over his shoulder, Steve looks at him like he’s seen a ghost. Billy clenches his fists and notices how Steve’s eyes trail to the blood on his mouth, the blossoming color on his cheek. “You’re bleeding,” Steve points out, like Billy doesn’t know that. “Really fucking observant, Harrington,” Billy curls his lip up and flicks his tongue out, over the split, and Steve’s eyes follow it like they always do. It’s a visceral thrill up his spine but anger eats it up. Steve is off limits and, as much as Billy wants to lick into his mouth and feel those lean muscles against his own, he isn’t stupid.

I don’t want a lot for Christmas by r0nj4 / @a-station-on-your-way (1k, M)

Steve buys a Christmas present and has mixed feelings about it.

well damn, billy, i can't control the weather by obsceme / @hartigays (7k, T)

narrator: and there was only one bed all of us, collectively: (gasps) and there was only one bed

Last Christmas by shocked_into_shame / @bornwithoutsin (2k, E)

It’s Billy and Steve’s first Christmas together, and Steve will not stop singing that fucking Wham song. Billy doesn’t mind, though, because Steve agrees to make it up to him.

Thankful For by ChrisLeon / @vgorodye (8k, NR)

The ad read: ‘No one to bring home for the holidays? Looking to piss off your parents? I’m your guy. 22 y.o. ex-con, never graduated high school, proud owner of a Camaro one year younger than I am. I can play anywhere from 18 to 29 depending on if I shave or not. Currently working as a line cook and late nights at a bar. If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a serious relationship with you to torment your family, I’m down.’ Steve knew it was bad idea. He clicked on it anyway.

Five Days (To Midnight) by Blink_Blue / @winters-blue-children (7k, E)

It's been months since Steve left Hawkins and walked out of Billy's life. He's back for the holidays and Billy gets one last chance to make things right. They have five days together. Five days left of the year. Five days to cherish.

Time after Time by lemonlovely / @lemonlovely (10k, E)

“Really, Harrington. Stop avoiding the question. Tell me.” Those blue eyes flashed like an animal's in the dark depths of the Camaro. He repeated himself, enunciating like Steve was particularly slow. “Why. Would I have seen. Your wallet?” Steve glared down at Billy, feeling like they were caught in some kind of a staring contest that he hadn’t actually initiated, but also didn’t particularly want to lose either. Which seemed to happen a lot when he was around Billy – and that hadn’t been a lot for a few months. He’d been avoided like the plague, or maybe it was the other way around. Jesus Christ, apparently Billy was really gonna make him say it, as much as Steve didn't want to. He grit his teeth together. “Because.” Steve said. “I think I might have left it in…the backseat of your car. You know. That night. And I need it back.”

Deck the Fucking Halls by XxmerthurcatxX / @callmelilyshameless (700, T)

Billy hates Christmas but he loves Steve.

Mountain of Dreams by socknonny / @socknonny (1k, E)

Steve's drunk, and someone is singing.

Rivers 'Til I Reach You by tracy7307 / @tracy7307 (10k, E)

“I know lifting's a bad idea but I’m feeling.” Shame twisted up in Billy’s gut, and he toyed at his lasagna with his fork. “I don’t feel as. I don’t know. Confident.” His muscle mass was not as bulky as it used to be -- his abs and biceps just a shadow of what they once were. He had a soft little belly now. And then there were the scars. Dark pink floral patterns of scars all wound over his back, sides, and abdomen. Suddenly the thought of shirtless summer weather struck dread in his heart. For now, long-sleeved henleys and sweatshirts provided the perfect way for him to hide. It was literally the only time he’d been thankful for winter. “Hey,” Harrington said from across the table. He paused until Billy looked up to his eyes. His tone grew delicate and serious. “I’m not fucking around, okay? You. Look. Good.” And the way that Harrington looked at him -- brown eyes soft, his gaze lingering on Billy’s face. On his eyes. Well, maybe he meant it. “Yeah?” Billy asked. He felt his face heating. “You think so?” Harrington took the last bite of his lasagna. “Definitely.”

I Play Along with the Charade by moonflowers / @eatingmoonflowers (7k, T)

Billy'd been keeping an even closer eye on Harrington after that night at the Byers' - only natural, right? Thing is, watching and wondering never was enough for Billy.

in the wilderness life becomes by lymricks / @lymricks (3k, T)

Back in Hawkins for a winter break, Steve and Billy remember what it was like and learn about what it could be. Or, three old memories of Hawkins and one new one.

Bah Humbug, Billy Hargrove by LaVeraceVia / @laveracevia (14k, E)

“It’s okay, Billy. You’re not in any danger. No one can hear us,” Harrington says, and something about his tone—it’s not right. It’s too calm. Too…what? Certain. It’s too certain. Steve Harrington doesn’t talk like that. He means to say are you fucking high?, but what comes out instead is, “Who are you?” “Would you believe me if I said I was your guardian angel?”

merry christmas (i don’t want to fight tonight) by gothyringwald / @gothyringwald (1k, T)

Billy stands alone by the wall, beer in hand, a string of lights twinkling cheerfully above his head. Across the room Stacy Brent corners Steve under the mistletoe, pointing at it with one artfully manicured nail and smiling suggestively. His stomach turns and his blood heats. He chugs his beer, wipes his hand over the back of his mouth, jaw clenching as Stacy leans in.

Tell me, baby by socknonny / @socknonny (2k, M)

Steve finds Billy chopping down the worst tree in the entire Christmas Tree Farm.

A Love Thing by tracy7307 / @tracy7307 (2k, E)

Even five months after recovering from his injuries, Billy still has residual effects from the mindflayer. It's Christmas. Steve wants to help.

Happy Holidays From Your Least Favourite Homosexuals by bry0psida / @bry0psidawrites (1k, T)

Steve's family haven't had any contact with him since he came out as bi. He gets wind from Robin that he's being excluded from the family Christmas Card. Billy has the solution.

[haikyuu-scenarios-drabbles]

HAIKYUU IS BACK AND SO HERE I AM 

listen folks, season 4 has come. my crops are flourishing, my skin is clear, i’ve been revived. i cried and watched the opening 4 times, i’ve watched the episodes 3x now. Kuroo has always owned me and bITCH he still does. 

as usual, i have no shame, so have this professor Kuroo x  grad student reader that turned surprisingly angsty (my heart is so full with s4 that idk how it ended that way). i dont even care how cliche this is, im so weak for stuff like this. also i have no idea if this field is even a thing but i dont care 

warnings: suggestive nsfw, angst 

will there be a part 2? who knows 😉 (spoiler, there is...and three and four)

as usual, 💖 J

~

You weren’t exactly sure what you were expecting what your faculty member that you’d be working with for your graduate career to be like, but it had been more along the lines of: crotchety old man, white hair, still sporting tweed suit jackets from the seventies. It definitely never crossed your mind that a young man, probably around your age, you’d guess a bit older since he was already a faculty member, would greet you on your first day.

You also weren’t expecting him to be fucking drop dead gorgeous—and you mean ovary melting, cliché totally swooning material. Never in your life have you felt so nervous around a person before. It really wasn’t fair in the slightest. And on top of it all, he was amiable. The two of you got along swimmingly, half in part to how close you are in age and the other half since you’re both mad about biotechnology.

You tried. You really did. Tried not to develop a crush on him. But the more you got to know him, the more days spent together, you felt yourself falling deeper and deeper because it wasn’t just about looks anymore. You liked him. A lot too. You can’t even explain why. You learned rather quickly he’s no lady killer like he’s looks suggested—oh no. He’s the biggest dork you’ve ever met.  And now you’re head over heels with no hope of going back. It was a rather futile attempt to resist it.

Sitting at your desk, you rub your hands over your face trying to get those thoughts out of your head. Or at least shove them to the far depths of your brain so you can continue to act like everything is fine and not like your heart is going to overwork itself anytime he’s anywhere near you. And god—was that getting increasingly difficult. With your first year ending and presenting your research at the National Biotech Conference coming up, the two of you have been spending more and more late nights in the lab together. Alone.

You might as well dig your grave now.

Just a few nights ago the night ended early because he set off the fire alarm making a hot pocket. The two of you too enamored with the project to notice the microwave on the verge of combusting. Why the hell he put it in there for five minutes was beyond you, but he tried to explain that he was planning on taking it out before the timer ran out. The memory of it makes the corner of your mouth quirk upward.

“You bored out of your mind already?” A voice teases from behind you, making you to jolt in your seat.

Speak of the devil.

You turn in your chair to find none other than the root of your problems: Dr. Kuroo. Jesus fuck you can barely look straight at him without feeling some sort of nerves ball up in your stomach.

Giving him a weak smile, you say, “Those all-nighters are really getting the best of me.”

His eyes soften and christ—you need medical help to deal with the way your heart is stuttering in your chest. By the end of this conversation you’re going to need a defibrillator with the way he smiles at you sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. “Riiiight. About those….” He avoids your gaze and you already know what’s coming.

“Another one tonight?”

He sighs. “Yeah. Sorry about that. We’re just really down to the wire now. I want to make sure everything is set.”

You wave him off, there’s nothing to apologize for. You knew what you were getting into here. And you know it’s only his second conference as a distinguished member of the community, so he has a standard to uphold.

A startled gasp escapes you when his voice appears right next to your goddamn ear, his warm breath against your skin practically sending you into a frenzy. “You working on the statistics?” The nod you give him is almost imperceptible, afraid any movements from you are going to give away how his proximity is making you feel. His eyes scan your screen before patting you on the shoulder. “Looks good so far, send it to me when you’re done.”

You let out a breath of relief you didn’t know you were holding when he moves away.

How the fuck are you going to survive the next year?

Hell—how are you going to survive a week-long convention with him?

As he heads back to his own desk, Kuroo glances warily around the office to make note of any suspicious onlookers. It’s been harder and harder to keep that professional line with you, and every public conversation you shared he was highly aware to not slip into his easy mannerisms he found himself indulging in during all those late nights. Because fuck him—he liked you. Why did he of all the options get assigned the one graduate student who is his age and is fucking gorgeous on top of your academic prowess?

He never stood a chance.

He is barreling straight towards an academic violation at full speed and his brakes are broken. That’s how bad it is.

But goddamn he can keep it in his pants for the sake of his job and your career.

That sentiment went to shit that night.

You’re late, which almost never happens. He can count on one hand the times you’ve been late. And you always texted him with your ETA and an explanation but tonight…silence. He knows you haven’t left, he saw you a little over an hour ago speaking to Dr. Yu, and a quick trip to your desk confirms it; all your stuff is still here.

He’s lucky to catch Dr. Yu on his way out, asking if he knows of your whereabouts. “You haven’t seen her?” His brows lift. “Must’ve gotten caught up in the library. Said she was going to stop by there before your meeting.”

Kuroo does an excellent job of hiding his confusion. Meeting? Is that what you’ve been disguising your all-nighters with him as to your colleagues?

That means you feel there’s a reason to keep it a secret.

Or is he reading too far into it?

Nonetheless, he strides towards the library, irked to find most of the lights off and it utterly silent inside. He checks the table area first, then peruses the shelf, peeking down each to see if you’re actually in here. It’s likely you already left and are now waiting for him in the lab in the time since he’s begun looking for you.

He finds you in one of the farthest corners of the library and it isn’t until he approaches you does he realize the situation he’s just put the two of you in.

Alone.

In the dark library.

You’re sat deep into an armchair, legs curled up underneath you, head resting on your hand while you flip through the pages of a book sitting in your lap. You look so picturesque he can’t help but stare for a few seconds before clearing his throat to alert you to his presence.

He scares the absolute shit out of you.

Leaping out of the chair, the book clattering to the floor, you shout, “Holy fu—Dr. Kuroo! You can’t just do that!” Then you blink, like your brain is catching up to you, then you frantically check your watch and outwardly groan. “I knew I should have set an alarm. Sorry, just lost track of time back here.” Smirking softly, he takes a step forward, bending to pick up the book sprawled on the floor. He hands it to you, your fingertips brushing his, a jolt of lightning spearing through you at the contact.

Every sense of yours is filled with his presence, your head clouded with thoughts of what if you just…closed that gap. What would happen if you took just one step forward? Would he let you run your hands over his chest, snaking around his neck to tangle into his dark hair? What would it feel like to press your body against his?

Holy hell—you need to get out of here.

It’s then that you realize you’ve been staring at him.

And that he’s holding your gaze, his golden eyes locked onto yours. The air is so charged you feel like your entire body is buzzing, urging you to indulge in the thoughts swirling in your head. You open your mouth to break the silence, grasping at any sense of logic you have left to end this dangerously tempting situation.

Kuroo’s last strand of self-control splintered the moment he caught you staring at him so intently. The same thoughts weaving through his head as yours, the fantasy he’s had for months now of holding you against him, his lips pressed to yours, is so tantalizingly close he can barely stand it.

So, he comes to decision. Before this opportunity eludes him, he has to act now. He watches as your mouth opens, your better judgement clearly still intact, and before you can get a word out, he leans down to kiss you. His hands finding their way to your waist, tugging you to him, he’s pleasantly delighted to find you sink into him. Your own hands reaching up to curl into his shirt, soft mouth moving against his own, he almost groans at how you’re reacting to him.

He’s intoxicating, the way his fingers are digging into the skin of your waist, how his tongue slips into your mouth, you can barely keep your feet underneath you. What’s even more exhilarating to you is that he initiated this.

He wanted you too.

The thought makes you a bit dizzy.

When he feels your hands travel from his collar to slip your fingers through his hair, this time he can’t help it, a deep pleased sound escaping him, rumbling through your entire body and sending heat straight to your core. Jesus Christ this man his going to be the absolute death of you.

“Fuck,” he mutters, his hands roam from your waist to cup your ass, using the leverage to press you even closer to him, letting you feel just what exactly you’re doing to him. All he can think is that he wants more, he wants you underneath him, chest heaving, moaning his name and no one else’s. With that on his mind, he splays his fingers out underneath your thighs, intending on lifting your legs around him.

The action turns your brain back on, the gears working hard through the haze clouding your mind, realizing where exactly this is going. Your sense of reason finally coming through, screaming: Stop! What the fuck are you doing?! Instinctively, you shove him away from you.

He blinks in surprise as he stumbles back into the bookshelf, thrown off by your sudden rejection.

Your heart crumbles seeing his hurt expression. It’s no use denying it anymore. You want him. So bad that you were this close to throwing all caution to the wind just now. But you can’t, not under the circumstances. He is your colleague. Your superior. What the hell were you thinking?!

Steeling your resolve, you say quietly, “Kuroo…I—That…that shouldn’t have happened.”

You can’t even look at him, too afraid of what will happen if you do.

He knows you’re lying.

He stares at you for a moment, considering all his options. Truly, he’d like to just gather you up in his arms, assuring you everything will be fine, and kissing your worries away until you melt beneath him again. But he knows that’s crossing the line. Instead, he settles on making his feelings clear. He wants you to know where he stands. He doesn’t want you to think what just happened meant nothing to him. But he’s willing to give you space to put your thoughts together.

“I need you to look at me,” he says.

You bite your lip. “I can’t.” Now your throat feels tight with the effort of keeping tears at bay. Why is it like this? Why did you have to meet him in this way? He says your name like a command, so you ball your fists in determination and raise your watery eyes to meet his.

With such surety and resolve it just about makes you burst into tears, he tells you clearly, “I’m so head over heels for you it’s not even funny.”

He’s right, this isn’t funny. It’s anything but. And he’s making it worse by being so goddamn perfect you want to scream. The universe must really be a bitch for putting you through this, making you fall in love with someone who is so off limits. You can feel your heart wilting within your chest as you plead, “I need to leave.”

He lets you go, despite every instinct telling him not to. He spends the night in the lab alone, barely getting anything done through his ever-present thoughts of you. He tries to remain hopeful, that somehow this will all work out. That on Monday you’ll come to work, and everything will be alright.

Monday morning, he finds out you’ve put in a request to join a separate project.

He doesn’t know what to do with the growing hole forming in his chest.

And neither do you.

~

part two part three part four 

[sugarbutterbroadway]

When Davey Smiles

Golden rays of sunlight trickled in through the blinds pouring over Jack’s face. He scrunched his nose up and pulled the blankets over his face. He had already started shifting an hour prior but he had hope that he could slip back into the clutches of sleep. Now it was just pathetic how he was clinging onto the traces of drowsiness. He spent five more minutes with his eyes screwed shut before opening them. The sky was awake so he was awake or whatever the hell it was Anna said. He groaned and sat up a little, rubbing his eyes. If it was anyone else he would have left to not disturb them, but when Davey finally fell asleep, he slept like a rock. Jack chuckled, he could probably do an entire cirque du soleil act and Davey would only groan and roll over.

Man did he love his husband. He was so happy he got to say that, his husband. They had tied the knot a few months ago and he still got all giddy every time he said it. Davey was his husband, his sweet and handsome husband who was currently drooling on his pillow.

“Ew”Jack whispered, pulling a face. He was more disgusted that he thought Davey was still darling with spit pooling out of his mouth. He wasn’t exactly a quiet sleeper, he pulled faces and groaned and snored and sometimes even talked if Jack was lucky. It was mostly lesson plans and history facts so that got old fast. It wasn’t any better this morning, every so often he would groan and every single time it gave Jack a mini heart attack. You’d think he’d be used to it at this point but the kids he grew up with all slept like the dead, unless something was wrong. He worried his lip between his teeth and peeked over at Davey. He promised himself he would stop doing this years ago because it was creepy but he couldn’t help it. He watched his face and looked for any tells that he was having a nightmare. Davey didn’t have them often, but when he did they were always horrible. Furrowed brows,squirming and more often than not he cried. Jack had only seen them a few times but they always broke his heart, the way Davey shot up not knowing where he was, it was like watching a frightened child. So he watched and waited, looking for even the slightest tell. A few minutes had passed and he could finally stop holding his breath, Davey was fine. Of course he was, but Jack could never be too sure. He wanted to slap himself, it was too early to be freaking out over something that hasn’t even happened.

He needed to get out of bed. He was growing restless and it was only a matter of time before he kicked Davey from all his fidgeting and ended up with a 7am scolding. He shuddered, a tired Davey’s scoldings were not to be taken lightly. He slid out from underneath the blankets and nearly jumped back into bed the second his feet hit the floor. 

“Jesus christ!”he exhaled, it was freezing. He waddled over to the closet and pulled out a pair of sweats and a hoodie, and if they just so happened to be Davey’s, that was his business. The first order of business was to get some coffee in his system—decafe of course. The last time he had caffeinated coffee he was an anxious wreck the whole day. He shook his head, that was not a good day for anyone. He slid his feet into his bedroom slippers and padded out of the room. The minute he walked into the living room he heard the jingling of a collar.

“There’s my baby”he cooed, dropping to his haunches. Luna happily trotted over and placed her head on his knees. He of course took this as the cue to pick her up baby style and walk into the kitchen.

“You’re getting so big, Lu”He sighed, maneuvering her to one arm. “You’re not our little baby anymore. You think you have the right to turn one and get so big, huh?”he picked up a peppermint k cup and placed it in the keurig, god did he love wedding presents. “What’s next? You gonna move out and go to college? Gonna leave me and daddy?” he paused. Then quickly muffled a cackle with his elbow. “You’re literally our first baby, how does it feel?”

Luna squirmed in his arms and whined. 

“Fine”He huffed, lowering her to the floor. She quickly jumped from his arms and padded back into the living room. 

“I get no love from this girl”He grumbled, once his coffee was done brewing he put in an unnecessary amount of creamer that would send Davey reeling and sat in the living room. If Jack was going to drink coffee he wanted it sweet or not at all, it annoyed Davey to high heaven. He smirked, but it quickly fell into a pout. It was early,he was bored and it was a sin to call anyone before 10am. He pulled his knees up to his chest and tried to enjoy the silence, it wasn’t something he got much of these days. But he didn’t really care for silence, he liked their house loud and chaotic. Not the ethereal hallmark masterpiece it currently was. Their house. That was insane, they owned a house. Well—they owned the mortgage and the bonus was getting to live there.

It was a project to begin with, it was practically begging to be taken off the market and both of them fresh out of college jumped at the opportunity. With help from Medda with the cost and many many breakdowns, it’s finally a place they can call home. He loved their house, their home. He loved it when Davey made breakfast in the morning, it was always without a doubt in his underwear no matter the weather. He loved when Davey sang while folding laundry or showering or even putting his shoes on. He was just a sucker for Davey singing, he rarely did it and when he does it’s always cut far too short because he’s embarrassed. Davey may not like his voice but Jack could listen to it all day long.

He was just a sucker for Davey, especially his smile. The way his eyes shone and his grin reached his ears, man it could make an angel weep. Maybe Jack had spent too much time with him but he knew each one of Davey’s smiles and he loved most of them. The way his lips quirked up into a lopsided grin when he was explaining a lesson planned out for his students. The way he smiled first thing in the morning when his eyes had lost their haziness and focused on Jack. The way he managed to smile even in the worst of times with tears streaming down his face because I’ll be okay Jack, I promise there’s nothing to worry about. And Jack’s favorite, the way he smiled at babies. His eyes would soften and he would grin and coo at any newborn in the vicinity, it gave Jack a deadly case of baby fever. They had spent time with Davey’s family this past holiday season and Jack could hardly bear it with all the new babies around, let alone them and Davey.

“Oh my god a baby.” Jack barely had time to question before Davey was pulling him in the direction of a cousin he definitely hadn’t met. The two embraced briefly before Davey had focused on the baby in her arms.

“Her name is Anika”

He let out a little gasp“Anika”he repeated, his eyes sparkling. 

Before Jack knew it Davey was coaxing his cousin to go have fun and enjoy the gathering which left them both on baby duty. Jack was excited himself but he couldn’t help but get a kick out of Davey acting like a complete idiot. He had basically taken over as a stand-in parent with a burp cloth over his shoulder,her diaper bag and a pacifier as they lounged on the couch.

“Ani ani ani ani!”He cooed, tickling her chin, the grin never leaving his face. 

Jack grinned himself, that was the happiest he had ever seen Davey, wedding and other milestones aside. He had taken a million pictures and didn’t stop smiling even after they left. He may have gotten a little eggnog drunk but he just remembers Davey repeating the name Anika over and over to himself in the car. It was a beautiful name but it left Jack thinking. Was Davey trying to drop hints? Did Davey want a baby? His eyes widened.

Did Davey want a baby with him?

He shook his head and set his unfinished cup on the coffee table. It was too early to think about babies, it was only 7:30am and he was only 24, there was plenty of time to think about babies later. Besides, he already had one child to look after, three if you count Charlie and Race. he sighed happily, where was Luna anyways?

He heard a scream from the bedroom and a loud thud. He winced, found her. He sprung off the couch, and jogged into the bedroom. Well Davey was awake. Luna was laid comfortably on his side of the bed while he sprawled on the floor staring at the ceiling with vacant eyes. Jack could barely stifle his laughter as he put on a stern face.

“Luna Anne Kelly-Jacobs”He scolded, “Did you push your poor father off the bed?”

“It’s too early for this,”Davey said in disbelief. “The chaos usually doesn’t start until noon”

“Look at what you did”He continued, “You sent the poor man into shock!”

Luna didn’t even bother to pick her head up, he clicked his tongue and shook his head.

“Kids these days man”

“Jack”Davey said, shifting his eyes towards the green eyed man. “Please...shut up”

“Good morning to you too, handsome”He said, he extended his arm and Davey reached up to grab it. With one pull Davey was in his arms, swaying gently.

“Morning”Davey yawned, and leaned in to place a kiss on Jack’s forehead. He missed by a long shot and got the top of his ear, but it was the thought that counted.

“You’re a zombie this mornin”He teased. Davey sighed and wrapped his arms around Jack, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

“My students are idiots,”Davey whimpered. Jack faltered for a second.

“Isn’t that kinda mean?”He chuckled.

“No no, they’re incredibly smart”Davey mumbled, “But oh my god they’re idiots”

“Ah, gotcha”He said, “What’d they say this time?”

“One of-”Davey cut himself off with a groan. “One of them looked me in my eye and told me that Amelia Earhart had big dick energy”

Jack quickly turned his head to the side and howled. If any of their neighbors were sleeping they weren’t now because he was dying.

“It’s not funny!”Davey whined burying his face in Jack’s shoulder.

“You’re right, it’s not funny”He said, attempting to compose himself “it’s fucking hilarious!”

“Jack-”

“But did they lie?”He asked, wiping his eyes. 

“No-”

“Raise their grade”He said, “I fucking love that kid”

Davey picked his head up and looked Jack square in the eye, “I couldn’t raise his grade if I wanted to, he’s top of the class”

And Jack was back in hysterics. “That makes it even better!”

That made Davey laugh a bit and he finally pulled away from the embrace shaking his head.

“You are a terrible influence”

“Tell this kid i’m his biggest fan”He pleaded, “Please, I’ll get on my knees and beg”

“I sure would like to see that”Davey laughed, then his face immediately dropped when Jack smirked. “No I didn’t mean it like-”

“Oh really?”He teased, “You wanna see me on my knees beggi-”

“I can’t hear you over the sound of me not hearing you”Davey said, walking out of the room. And he was smiling. Jack followed behind him with a laugh. He loved mornings like this,he loved the days those mornings turned into. For once Jack Kelly finally loved his life.

Bonus

“Will you make us breakfast?”Jack said.

Davey rolled his eyes. “You just want to look at my butt”

“So?”

“At least buy me dinner first”

“We’re married!”Jack exclaimed, “What more do you want from me!”

“I want you to love me for more than my juicy dumptruck!”

“And you wonder where your students pick this shit up from!”

[megashadowdragon]

Mako fucking adored Korra. He supported her and tried to be there for her every step of the way in Book 2 while they were dating. Most of the shit that happened in regards to their relationship was Korra’s fault. Now, was it understandable? Yes, because Korra was dealing with a hell of a lot of pressure, both personal and job-wise. Her home was in danger, her family was in danger, and no one seemed to be trying to really help her. Everyone loaded these impossible expectations on her, and she wasn’t able to rise to them. But any and all of the crap that went down happened after Mako broke up with Korra initially. Then ASAMI KISSED HIM (important: star this) during their whole drama fest. They never got back together (and Remembrances brought this up).

Honestly, if there’s one thing I absolutely hated about Remembrances, it was the absolute disregard for the MUTUAL screw-ups in the relationships and how BOTH TIMES Mako ‘cheated,’ the girl kissed him. He simply didn’t ‘fess up about the kiss (which is still a dick move, don’t get me wrong, and he should have to deal with it). Most of the crap that went down in the handling of the Makorra relationship was not Mako’s fault and was either instigated by Korra or outside forces. Not to say Mako is blameless (because he’s not, and there were a thousand ways he could have handled things better too), but jesus christ: Korra is not blameless in this whole mess. She is not some perfect paragon of virtue and wronged innocence. Neither is Asami, though I will freely admit Asami was basically innocent and largely a victim of the whole drama fest. Mako is not the only one to blame, and Mako is not his relationship issues. There is so much more to Mako than his romance, just as there is more to Korra than her romance. Especially considering Mako had the most character development of any character in the show save Korra and perhaps Lin. More on that here  (fantastic-nonsense . tumblr . com/post/103339454055/morgenstars-when-people-shit-on-mako-and-blame) and here fantastic-nonsense . tumblr . com/post/95766287285/ayasugi-san-fantastic-nonsense  .

Mako and Korra dated for six months before Book 2 started, and from everything we know they had a healthy, relatively stable relationship with each other. Like, did you people not watch “Rebel Spirit?” It was almost sickening how in love with each other they were; Bolin certainly thought so. That’s six months in. Any ‘honeymoon period’ had worn off. Mako and Korra’s romantic relationship in Book 2 disintegrated and failed to work because of conflicting responsibilities, their mutual immaturity, and their mutual hotheadedness. All of which were resolved by the end of Book 4 due to their independent character development that took place over the course of the last two books.

Anyway, onto the actual bulk of the ask, since I’ve gotten that off my chest.

You know what? Just because I freaking can, let’s count up all the Mako-Korra/Makorra interactions in Book 4, shall we?

Mako’s letters to Korra, which are honestly just as awkward as the boy himself is. No wonder Korra didn’t reply back to him, honestly; his letters sound like me when I’m valiantly attempting to be formal in an email.

“Reunions”: Five interactions, three directly related to Korra’s leave of absence (the initial reunion hug/conversation—interrupted by Wu, Mako getting upset over Korra replying to Asami but not him or Bolin—interrupted by Asami changing the subject to her father, and the “this is like old times for me and Korra” bit, followed by the look) and then two related to the Wu drama: their argument and subsequent apology (which actually shows how their independent character growth and time apart matured them to the point where any relationship they had, romantic or otherwise, would be healthy and functional; during Books 1 and 2, they would often get into arguments then stomp off and would not apologize to each other until much later, if ever)

“Remembrances”: while it didn’t include any direct Mako-Korra interaction, the episode spent ten minutes recapping the romance angle. Multiple times, it was implied or implicitly stated that Mako hadn’t gotten over Korra and was still in love with her, including the “I haven’t dated anyone since Korra and I broke up” line, the “she continues to inspire me” line, and quite frankly just the general awe with which he talks about her. Korra’s recap did not focus on the romance angle at all and instead was focused on the actual stuff that she’s done over the seasons, and so we did not get her thoughts one way or the other on the matter.

“Beyond the Wilds”: So I like to talk a lot of crap, but here’s where I put my money where my mouth is. This entire episode was dedicated to two things: the culmination of Korra’s recovery arc and the relationship between Mako and Korra. They were together nearly the entire episode. They fought together in the Spirit Wilds while looking for Jinora, Mako had his “I’m here for you. What do you need?” line, Mako was the one that went with Korra to visit Zaheer, Mako had “the concerned look” (I’m pretty sure he’s patented that look) on his face when Korra went in to face Zaheer alone, etc etc. Nearly the entire episode was direct Mako-Korra interaction except for the brief “Fire Ferrets” moment with Bolin, the brief moment with Tenzin being an overprotective father, and the culmination of Korra’s recovery arc, facilitated by Zaheer. And who was there during this culmination to support Korra? Not Asami. She had a grand total of two lines the entire episode, both of which were spoken to Varrick.

“Operation Beifong”: Honestly, this applies throughout the season, because it’s brought up multiple times: Mako being protective of Korra and being disgusted by the idea of Wu attempting to date her/verbally refusing to set Wu and Korra up. I will freely admit this could be and probably is non-romantic in nature; Mako is probably just feeling protective of someone he cares about deeply and is disgusted by the idea of someone like Wu trying to date her. But still, it bears talking about, especially considering it’s brought up multiple times.

Also applies to the season as a whole: Mako’s general verbal and emotional support for Korra, often directly.

“The Last Stand”: there is one direct interaction and one indirect interaction. The indirect interaction occurs while they are searching for Korra after she creates the Spirit Portal. The “camera” does a close-up on Mako’s disapointed and upset face when Jinora says she can’t find her. The “camera” chooses not to show Asami’s reaction. And then their final interaction at the wedding, the one where he says “I’ll follow you into battle no matter how crazy things get. I have your back, and always will.” Pan to Korra’s happy face with wide eyes.

The screenshots/gifs to back me up:

Who supported Korra verbally and physically? Mako, not Asami. The only times we see Asami support Korra are the “I’m here to talk if you need me scene” and the tea scene in “Remembrances.” Who was there to support her during the culmination of her recovery arc and spiritual journey? Mako, not Asami. Which relationship did Remembrances focus on? The Asami-Mako-Korra relationship, not the Korra-Asami friendship/relationship. Who got an entire episode of essentially one-on-one time with Korra? Mako, not Asami. Who did the “camera” choose to focus on when they were searching for Korra? Mako, not Asami. Where was Asami? We don’t know. Not with Korra, by her side and supporting her like we would assume a FRIEND would do, not to mention a person who is going to be Korra’s future romantic interest. Who’s by her side? Mako.

source: fantastic-nonsense . tumblr . com/post/105943382720/um-are-you-watching-the-same-show-makorra/embed

[beware-of-you-98]

JENNIFER👏JAREAU👏DESERVED👏BETTER👏

✨it’s rant time✨

buckle up lads bc it’s gonna be a doozy 

tw// suicide mention, tw// canon typical cm violence, tw// je— 🤢 jei—🤢🤢 i can’t even fucking say it 🤢🤢🤢 je*d

so yesterday i was watching criminal minds again (wow shocker) again for the first time in like,,,, 3 months??? [that’s not important] on weTV (which was just so happening to air reruns from season 3) and there was one thing that really stuck out to me that i didn’t necessarily think about much until i went into work today

season 3, episode 15 “a higher power” shows the team going up to pittsburgh to investigate a spike in suicides rates in the community under the suspicion that it’s the work of a serial killer (okay, cool, normal fucked up every day BAU life, nothing really sus there)

but what really kinda just hit me out of the blue today was just.... how unaffected jj was by the whole case in general

the team is maybe at most, a few hours away from her hometown, with the main topic of the case being surrounded by multiple suicides and taking her past into consideration (she’s literally a stone’s throw away from her hometown where she lost her sister to suicide) and yet she just.... remains unbothered... she never toys with the necklace around her neck or ever seems uncomfortable despite this case hitting way too close to home

i guess just rewatching this episode really just... opened my eyes into how underdeveloped jj was character wise for a really long time (i mean really we know more about gideon and elle in season 4 than we do jj and they had been gone for at least a season and a half at this point)

i mean.... i guess in in heat we get... something??? when we find out that she’s been seeing will for nearly a year?? cool i guess??? and we do get an episode named after her but really it doesn’t tell us much about her background or dive more into her story other than “oh strauss is forcing me to leave that sucks” but it doesn’t really go much into detail about anything beyond that

oh hotch handpicked her to join the unit but i don’t think it ever gets any deeper than that (when it should have!!!!??!!) [correct me if i’m wrong]]

by season 5 we have a detailed idea about every other character on the team (with the only exception possibly being garcia but i digress)

we know hotch has a younger brother that looks absolutely nothing like him and said brother wants to be a chef

we know rossi came back to the bau because of a cold case that’s gone unsolved for twenty years

we know every year, morgan goes home for his birthday and visits the grave of the john doe he found when he was a teenager

we know way too much about reid and his issues jesus christ

fucking hell we even know about emily’s dark past, how much it still haunts her even before we get the ian doyle arc

even ashley seaver has a deeper storyline than jj at this point like ffs

jj.... well..... she has that boyfriend down in louisiana ig?????

and that’s what becomes annoying

jj’s character really isn’t developed past more than i have a boyfriend and i’m pregnant up until maybe, and that’s a really generous maybe, the episode will gets held hostage at a bank and damn near gets himself killed (we see her with henry.... again, i’m being very generous here)

really, we don’t see jj get any sort of deep development the rest of the team has been getting until 200

i loved seeing her finally get some depth, for her character to finally be treated as if she’s an important asset rather than a pretty face that deals with media

she becomes a character we can sympathize with!!! she has issues and fears and traumas!!! finally!!!

and then they keep expanding on her as the seasons continue!!! like yes!!! this is what i wanted from the beginning!!! jj deserved this!!!

and then

it all comes crashing and burning into a pile of shit with five words

five

words

you know the words so i really don’t have to type them out and become unnecessarily angry

but wtf

all that character development they had spent building up over the years, after finally starting to get the ball rolling to making jj a solid character the writers decided “,,,,,,let’s just boil her down romantic feelings she kept hidden for....reid.” (of all people????? confusion)

the biggest sigh i just let out

first of all, that’s such an overdone trope in hollywood and in modern times we’re sick of it we need way more flavor than that

second of all it just..... ruins jj’s character right there on the spot

a majority (maybe i’m just generalizing) but most people in the fandom are reid stans and of COURSE they’re going to be absolutely livid at that bitch jennifer jareau pulling that card on their favorite little twink

it makes her look like a bitch

and it literally makes no sense whatsoever

they went on one “date” once in season 1 and it’s never mentioned again until jj confides to emily in the bathroom in the first episode of season 14

they have about as much romantic chemistry as two planks of wood

what was so wrong with jj and reid being best friends/having a sibling like relationship (which would have been a big deal for jj!!! to let someone that close again!!!! but no!!!!!!! jj is woman!!!!!! reid is man!!!! they must have romantic chemistry!!!!!! gross)

why did jj have to have hidden romantic feelings for reid

please tell me why that was a thing

and then the writers (probably sensing that they in fact fucked up big time) just kinda.... brush it off in 15

“u were my first love” reid: “oh okay (is sad for the duration of the season)”

it doesn’t fix what happened

it doesn’t change what happened

jj still looks like a huge bitch to a majority of the fandom

and it was overall a completely useless and pointless arc that just set out to completely ruin jj and it’s so infuriating

what was the reason

what was the reason

why u gotta do it to her like that writers

i’m sad jj deserved so much better than what those stinky writers did to her

tldr: jj deserved better

[waywardaardvark79]

Supernatural Rewrite: Season 1, Episode 8: Bugs

Summary: Y/N Singer joins Sam and Dean on the road. A rewrite starring you. 

Pairing: eventual Dean X Reader, Sam x Reader (platonic)

Warnings: language, show level violence

Word Count: 8,512

A/N: I’ll try to do at least one episode a week. No set schedule. Tags open. 

“Come on, we better go. I think Sam has had enough.” you said, shoving a wad of cash into your pocket.

“He’ll get over it.” Dean said, thumbing through a wad of cash. “We did good, Singer.”

“Yeah, they didn’t know what hit them until it was too late.” you said, both you and Dean laughing as the two of you walked out of the bar, Dean waving his wad of cash in the air. 

“You know, we could get day jobs once in a while.” Sam said, shaking his head at the two of you.

“Hunting’s our day job, and the pay is crap.” Dean said.

“He’s right, and what would we do anyways? I mean, could you really see me being a waitress or some shit. I’d be fired five minutes into the job for cussing out some dumbass.” you said.

“Yeah, but hustling pool? Credit card scams? It’s not the most honest thing in the world, guys.” Sam said.

“Well, let’s see honest.” Dean said, holding out one of his hands, “Fun and easy.” he added, holding out the other hand, gesturing so that fun and easy outweighed honest. “It’s no contest.”

“At least we’re good at it, and it always works.” you said, adjusting the glove on your left hand.

“Besides, it’s what we were raised to do.” Dean said.

“I know, I was learnin’ to play Poker when most other kids were learnin’ how to ride a bike.” you said.

“Yeah, well, how we were raised was jacked.” Sam said.

“Hey, I did normal kid shit, too. Dad always made sure of that.” you said, feeling the need to defend your father.

“We didn’t.” Sam said.

“Yeah, says you. We got a new gig or what?” Dean asked, never comfortable discussing the way they were raised.

“Maybe. Oasis Plains, Oklahoma, not far from here. A gas company employee, Dustin Burwash, supposedly died from Creutzfeldt-Jakob.” Sam said.

“Huh?” Dean asked.

“Human mad cow disease.” Sam said.

“Sucks to be him.” you said.

“Mad Cow. Wasn’t that on Oprah?” Dean asked.

“You watch Oprah?” Sam asked, a smile on his face.

“Pfft…no.” Dean said, embarrassed, “Y/N was watching it.”

“Hey, don’t put that shit on me. That’s all you.” you said.

“So, this guys eats a bad burger. Why is it our kind of thing?” Dean asked, changing the subject.

“Cause it takes a long time for mad cow disease to do anything, and I’m guessing this guy didn’t show any signs.” you said.

“You a mad cow expert now?” Dean asked.

“I just so happened to be in the room when YOU were watching Oprah. I picked up a few things.” you fired back.

Sam cleared his throat, “She’s right. Mad cow disease causes massive brain degeneration. It takes months, even years, for the damage to appear. But this guy, Dustin? Sounds like his brain disintegrated in about an hour. Maybe less.” Sam said.

“Okay, that’s weird.” Dean admitted, you nodding your head in agreement.

“Yeah. Now, it could be a disease, or it could be somethin’ much nastier.” Sam said.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go with somethin’ much nastier.” you said.

“All right. Oklahoma.” Dean said, the three of you getting into the car, “Man, work, work, work. No time to spend my money.” Dean added as he started the engine.

“Your money?” you asked, leaning up from the backseat, “Half of that’s mine.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “Fine, no time to spend our money.” he said, chuckling as he drove off. 

Dean pulled up to the Oklahoma Gas and Power Company, the three of you getting out of the car, and approaching the man outside.

“Travis Weaver?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, that’s right.” Travis said.

“Are you the Travis who worked with Uncle Dusty?” Dean asked.

Travis eyed the three of you, “Dustin never mentioned nephews or a niece.” Travis said.

“Really? Well, he sure mentioned you.” Dean said.

“He sure did. He was always talking about you, said you were the greatest.” you added.

“Yeah. ” Sam said, following after you and Dean.

Travis smiled, “Oh, he did? Huh.” he said.

“Listen, we wanted to ask you…what exactly happened out there?” Dean asked.

“I’m not sure.” Travis said, shaking his head. “He fell in a sink hole. I went to the truck to get some rope, and, uh…by the time I got back…” Travis trailed off.

“What did you see?” Dean asked.

“Nothin’. Just Dustin.” Travis replied.

“No wounds or anything?” Sam asked.

Travis hesitated for a moment before glancing at you, “Listen, fellas, I ain’t so comfortable talkin’ about this kind of stuff in front of a lady. She…uh, she’s delicate and shouldn’t be hearin’ this kind of talk.” Travis said.

You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest, tempted to tell the guy that you were the farthest thing from delicate, but you decided to go with a different approach, “Listen, sir.” you sweetly said, “We just want to know what happened to our uncle. We need to know. Don’t worry about me, I can handle it.”

Travis nodded his head, “Well, he was bleeding…from his eyes, and his ears, his nose, but that’s it.” Travis said, refusing to look at you, afraid that he may have offended your delicate sensibilities.

“So, do you think it could be this whole mad cow thing?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know. That’s what the doctors are sayin’.” Travis said.

“But, if it was, he would’ve acted strange beforehand, like dementia, loss of motor control.” you said, Sam nodding his head.

“You ever notice anything like that?” Sam asked.

“No. No why, but then again, if it wasn’t some disease, what the hell was it?” Travis asked.

“That’s a good question.” Dean said.

“You know, can you tell us where this happened?” Sam asked.

“Yeah.” Travis answered. 

A little while later the three of you arrived at the scene of Dustin’s death, the sinkhole still surrounded by police tape.

“Huh. What do you guys think?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know, but if that guy, Travis, was right, it happened pretty damn fast.” Sam said.

“Which proves that it definitely wasn’t mad cow.” You said, as the three of you ducked under the police tape, each of you looking down into the hole with a flashlight.

“So, what? Some sort of creature chewed on his brain?” Dean asked.

“No.” you said, shaking your head.

“There’d be an entry wound, sounds like this thing worked from the inside.” Sam added.

“Huh. Looks like there’s only room for one. You guys wanna flip a coin?” Dean asked.

“There’s three of us.” you said, “One of us just needs to do it.”

“Guys, we have no idea what’s down there.” Sam said.

“All right, I’ll go if you guys are scared. You two scared?” Dean asked, picking up a coil of rope.

“Flip the damn coin.” Sam said.

Dean chuckled and pulled a coin from his pocket, “Loser goes against Y/N, and whoever loses that toss goes in. All right, call it in the air…chicken.” Dean said.

“Jesus fucking Christ, I’ll go.” you said, grabbing the rope.

“Wait. Let one of us go.” Dean said.

You shook your head as you tied the rope around your waist, “I’m going. Maybe I’ll be able to see or feel something.” you said, pulling off your gloves and tossing them to the ground, “Just don’t fuckin’ drop me.”

The two of them lowered you down into the hole, “Fuck, why did I decide to do this?” you asked, once you realized just how enclosed the space was.

“Just get down there, do your magic fingers thing, and we’ll pull you back up.” Dean said.

“Magic fingers? That’s what we’re callin’ it now?” you asked, as you looked around the hole, “A little lower.” you called out, Sam and Dean giving the rope too much slack causing you to land hard at the bottom of the hole. “What happened to not fucking dropping me?” you yelled.

“Sorry.” Sam sheepishly said, shining his flashlight down on you.

“You better be.” you mumbled to yourself as you looked around, not really seeing anything out of the ordinary.

“Hey, Singer!” Dean called out, looking down at you.

“Yeah?” you asked.

“It puts the lotion on it’s skin, or else it gets the hose again.” Dean said, laughing.

You chuckled, “Real fuckin’ funny, De.” you said, noticing some beetles by your feet.

“Really, Dean?” Sam asked.

“What? How could I not say that? I mean, it’s a perfect situation, and she laughed.” Dean said.

You picked up a couple of the beetles, closing your hand around them, trying to concentrate. You still weren’t sure how all of this worked, and were about to give up when a feeling washed over you.

There was so much anger, so much pure rage, and you quickly became overwhelmed, the feeling too much for you to take, causing you to toss the beetles to the ground.

“Y/N, what’s goin’ on down there?” Dean asked, concern in his voice.

“Toss me my gloves.” you said, not daring to touch the beetles with your bare hand again.

Dean tossed down your gloves and you slipped them on before grabbing a beetle, “Pull me up!” you yelled. 

You were back above ground a few moments later. “Here.” you said, holding out your hand to Sam. “Take it.”

Sam held open his hand, and you dropped the beetle into it before untying the rope around your waist, the feeling you had when you touched it still sticking with you.

“A beetle?” Sam asked, looking down at his hand.

“Yeah, a beetle.” you said before turning to head back to the car. 

Sam was examining the beetle you found while Dean drove.

“So, you found some beetles, in a hole, in the ground. That’s shocking, Y/N.” Dean said.

“Something isn’t right with that fuckin’ thing.” you said, leaning up to the front seat.

“It’s just a beetle.” Dean said.

You sighed, “I know that, but the feeling I got when I touched it…it was…rage.” you said, looking at the beetle in Sam’s hand.

Dean scoffed, “So, you’re tellin’ me that a bunch of beetles hulked out and killed our guy? Come on, Y/N. Beetles don’t get pissed off. They’re just bugs.” Dean said.

“Were there any tunnels, or tracks? Any evidence of any other creature down there?” Sam asked.

“No.” you said.

“Well, some beetles do eat meat. Now, it’s usually dead meat, but-” Sam started to say before Dean interrupted.

“How many did you find down there?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know. Ten, maybe.” you answered.

“It’d take a whole lot more than that to eat out some dude’s brain.” Dean said.

“Well, maybe there were more.” you said.

“I don’t know it sounds like a stretch to me.” Dean said.

“You can think whatever you want, but I know what I felt.” you said, leaning back into the backseat.

“Yeah, I got it, pissed off beetles.” Dean said.

“Look, we need more information on the area, the neighborhood. Whether something like this has ever happened before.” Sam said, trying to keep the peace. 

Dean drove by a sign for an open house, decorated with red balloons, “I know a good place to start.” Dean said, another sign reading, Model Open. New Buyer’s BBQ Today!. “I’m kinda hungry for a little barbeque, how ‘bout you guys?” Dean asked.

You chuckled, “I could eat.” you said, Dean smiling at you in the rearview mirror.

Sam looked over at him, giving him a knowing look, “What, we can’t talk to the locals?” Dean asked.

“And the free food’s got nothin’ to do with it?” Sam asked.

“Of course not. We’re professionals.” Dean said, defending the two of you.

“Right.” Sam said. 

Dean pulled the car over, and the three of you got out and started walking down the street to the open house.

“Growin’ up in a place like this would freak me out.” Dean said.

“Yeah, me too.” you said, looking around the neighborhood.

“What? Why?” Sam asked.

“Well, manicured lawns, "How was your day, honey?”. I’d blow my brains out.“ Dean said.

"Yeah, it’s all just so fuckin’ cookie cutter.” you added.

“There’s nothing wrong with normal.” Sam said.

“I beg to differ.” you said.

“Yeah, I’d take our family over normal any day.” Dean said. 

The three of you approached the house, and Dean knocked on the door, a man answering a few moments later.

“Welcome.” the man said, looking at the three of you.

“This the barbeque?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, not the best weather, but…I’m Larry Pike, the developer here, and you are…?” Larry trailed off, waiting for the three of you to introduce yourselves.

“Dean. This is Sam, and that’s Y/N.” Dean said, introducing the three of you.

“Sam, Dean, Y/N, good to meet you. So, you three are interested in Oasis Plains?” Larry asked.

“Yes, sir.” Dean said.

“Let me just say, we accept homeowners of any race, religion, color, sexual orientation, or…non-traditional pairings.” Larry said.

“You hear that, guys?” you asked, taking both of their hands, “We can live happily ever after in our non-traditional pairing.” you said.

Dean shook his head, realizing what Larry was implying, “We’re brothers. My girlfriend here thinks she’s a comedian.” Dean said, Larry looking slightly embarrassed.

“Our father is getting on in years, and we’re just lookin’ for a place for him.” Sam said.

“Great, great. Well, seniors are welcome, too. Come on in.” Larry said. 

Larry led the three of you to the backyard, you sandwiched in-between Sam and Dean, all of you taking notice of all of the people walking around, chatting, and eating.

“You said you were the developer?” Sam asked.

“Eighteen months ago, I was walking through this valley with my survey team. There was nothing here, but scrub brush and squirrels, and you know what, we built such a nice place to live that I actually bought into it myself. This is our house. We’re the first family in Oasis Plains.” Larry said, walking over to a woman. “This is my wife, Joanie.”

“Hi, there.” Joanie said.

“Hi.” Dean said, shaking her hand.

“Hi, nice to meet you.” Joanie said.

“Sam, Dean, and Y/N.” Larry said.

“Sam.” Sam said, shaking her hand.

“Pleasure.” she said before turning to you.

“Y/N.” you said, hesitantly shaking her hand, noticing that she was staring at your gloves. “I’m a bit of a germaphobe.” you lied.

“Well, nothing wrong with that. Better safe than sorry.” she said.

“Tell them how much you love the place, honey. And lie if you have to because I need to sell some houses.” Larry joked.

“Right.” Joanie said, both her and Larry laughing.

“Will you excuse me?” Larry asked, before walking away.

“Don’t let his salesman routine scare you. This really is a great place to live.” Joanie said.

“Hi, I’m Lynda Bloome, head of sales.” a very energetic woman said, as she approached.

“And Lynda was second to move in. She’s a very noisy neighbor, though.” Joanie teased before leaving.

“She’s kidding of course. I take it you three are interested in becoming homeowners?” she asked.

“Well…” Dean said.

“Y-yeah, well…” Sam added.

“We sure are.” you said.

“Well, let me just say that we accept homeowners of any race, religion, color, sexual orientation, or…” she trailed off.

“Non-traditional pairing? What can I say…I just love 'em both, and I can’t pick. I get to have my cake and eat it, too.” you said.

“Of…of course.” Lynda said.

“All right, Studs. I’m gonna go talk to Larry.” you said, giving both Sam and Dean a firm slap to the ass before walking away. 

Sam, Dean, and Lynda were in the middle of an awkward silence, “She’s a pistol. I, uh, I better go check on her.” Dean said before quickly walking off after you.

“Oh, Honey, you’re just in time for the tour.” you said when Dean walked in.

“Wouldn’t miss it, Honey.” Dean said, stepping to your side. “Both of us, huh?” he whispered to you.

You shrugged your shoulders, “Like I said, I just couldn’t pick.” you said.

“Come on, we both know who you would pick.” Dean said.

You nodded your head, “So, you know it’s Sam, too.” you said, smirking at him, Dean rolling his eyes.

Larry was leading you and Dean down the stairs, the tour now over, “You’ve got three choices, carpet, hardwood, and tile.” Larry said.

Dean noticed a jar full of bugs on a nearby table, nudging you to get your attention, “Whoa. Someone likes bugs.” Dean said.

“My son…he’s into insects. He’s very inquisitive.” Larry said.

“Hmm…Does he happen to like beetles?” you asked.

“I don’t think it really matters to him.” Larry said.

You looked up at Dean, one eyebrow raised, “We better go find my brother.” Dean said, Larry leading the two of you back into the backyard. 

You noticed Sam talking to a younger boy and assumed it was the son Larry mentioned.

“Matthew.” Larry said, Sam and the boy turning to see you, Dean, and Larry walking towards them. “I am so sorry about my son and his…pet.” Larry said.

“It’s no bother.” Sam said.

“Excuse us.” Larry said, pulling Matthew away. 

“Remind you guys of somebody?” Sam asked, you and Dean looking over to see Larry yelling at Matt. “Dad?”

“Dad never treated us like that.” Dean said.

“Come on, guys. Not now.” you said, knowing the argument that talking about their dad would start.

“Well, Dad never treated you like that. Y/N either. He thought you two were perfect. He was all over my case. You guys don’t remember?” Sam asked.

“I…I wasn’t really around enough.” you said, not wanting to get in the middle of it.

“Well, maybe he had to raise his voice, but sometimes, you were out of line.” Dean said.

Sam scoffed, “Right. Right, like when I said I’d rather play soccer than learn bowhunting.” Sam said.

“Bowhunting’s an important skill.” Dean argued.

“Guys. Let’s do this later.” you said.

Sam rolled his eyes, “Whatever. How was the tour?” he asked.

“Oh, it was excellent. We’re ready to buy.” Dean said, Sam laughing.

“Look, I think we might be onto something here. Looks like Dustin Burwash wasn’t the first strange death around here.” you said.

“What happened?” Sam asked.

“About a year ago, before they broke ground, one of Larry’s surveyors dropped dead while on the job. Get this…severe allergic reaction to bee stings.” Dean said.

“More bugs.” Sam said.

“More fuckin’ bugs.” you said. 

Sam was driving while Dean flipped through the pages of John’s journal.

“You know, I’ve heard of killer bees, but killer beetles? What is it that could make different bugs attack?” Dean asked.

“Well, hauntings sometimes include bug infestations.” Sam said.

“Yeah, but I didn’t see any evidence of ghost activity.” Dean said.

“Yeah, me neither.” Sam said.

“You got anything? Any ideas?” Dean asked, turning in his seat to face you.

“You really aren’t ever gonna let me drive again, are you?” you asked.

“That’s what you’re thinkin’ about right now?” Dean asked.

You shrugged your shoulders, “I just don’t think it’s fair.” you said.

“Yeah, well, life ain’t fair, Sweetheart.” Dean said.

You scoffed, “Tell me about it.” you said.

“Guys, can we get back on track?” Sam asked.

“Maybe they’re being controlled somehow.” you said.

“Controlled? You mean by something or someone?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” you said.

“You mean, like Willard?” Sam asked, you laughing as you nodded your head.

“Yeah, bugs instead of rats.” Dean said.

“I don’t know, guys. I just know how I felt when I touched those beetles. I think someone or something was seriously fuckin’ pissed off, and somehow got those bugs to do their dirty work.” you said.

“There are cases of psychic connections between people and animals…elementals…telepaths.” Sam said, glancing over his shoulder at you.

“What? You think I can talk to bugs now? Control them? I’m not a telepath, or an elemental. I’m just…I don’t fuckin know, but I’m not that.” you said.

“Yeah, that whole Timmy Lassie thing.” Dean said, pulling focus back to the case. “Larry’s kid…he’s got bugs for pets.”

“Matt?” Sam asked.

“Yeah.” Dean replied.

“We saw a jar of bugs when we were on the tour.” you said.

“He did try to scare the realtor with a tarantula.” Sam said.

“You think he’s our Willard?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know. Anything is possible, I guess.” Sam said to Dean before glancing back at you, “Do you think you would be able to tell if you touched him?”

“I don’t know, Sam. It’s not like I have a fuckin’ instruction manual for whatever the fuck is happening to me.” you said.

“Ooh, hey. Pull over here.” Dean said before Sam could say anything to you.

“What are we doing here?” Sam asked, as he pulled into the empty driveway of one of the Oasis Plains homes.

“It’s too late to talk to anybody else.” Dean said, getting out of the car.

“We’re gonna squat in an empty house?” Sam asked.

“Awesome.” you said, getting out of the car, “Come on, Sam. These places are fully furnished, and it’s better than another flea bag motel.”

“Yeah, I wanna try the steam shower. Come on.” Dean said, Sam still not moving. “Come on!” Dean added, Sam reluctantly pulling the car into the empty garage, Dean closing the door after him. 

“Look at this fuckin’ place.” you said, the three of you standing in the kitchen. “Dibs on the first shower.” you called out, hoisting your bag over your shoulder as you took off for the stairs.

“Don’t even think about it, Singer.” Dean said, chasing after you.

The two of you raced up the stairs, shoving each other playfully before you stuck your foot out, tripping him. You looked back over your shoulder at him, “Better luck next time, De.” you said, Dean reaching out to grab your ankle, causing you to land with a thud at the top of the stairs.

“Seriously? You guys are gonna kill each other over a shower?” Sam yelled up the stairs.

You rolled over on your back, Dean crawling so that he was on top of you, “That was a real dick move.” you said.

“You started it. Better luck next time, Sweetheart.” Dean said, as he started to push himself up, ready to sprint to the bathroom.

You locked your legs around his waist, trapping him, “Not so fast, Winchester.” you said.

Dean chuckled, “You know, I could just pick you up.” he said, “Face it, Singer, you’re not gonna win this one. I’m gettin’ in that shower first.” Dean said.

You unhooked your ankles and quickly flipped him over so that you were sitting on top of him now, “Surely, we could work something out.” you said.

“You could always join me.” Dean said, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

You looked down at him, thinking for a second, “Sure, why not?”

“R-really?” Dean asked, shocked.

“Yeah, you can get my hard to reach places.” you said.

Dean blew out a shaky breath, “Ok.” he said.

“Just one little thing first.” you said, leaning down over him, your breath ghosting over his lips.

“W-what?” Dean asked.

“I always win.” you said, quickly pushing yourself off of him and getting to your feet, Dean still laying flat on his back, “Like I said, better luck next time, De.” you said before running off to the bathroom, leaving Dean frustrated. 

You walked downstairs after your shower, Sam and Dean both in the kitchen, “Shower’s free.” you said before grabbing a slice of pizza.

“Bet there’s no hot water left.” Dean grumbled, grabbing another beer.

“I couldn’t help myself. That shower is fucking amazing.” you said, grabbing a beer for yourself. “So, what room are we sleepin’ in?” you asked.

“Doesn’t matter to me. You pick.” Dean said.

Sam looked between the two of you, a smirk on his face, “You guys know that there are enough rooms for each of us to have our own, right? You two don’t have to share.” he said.

“Oh…r-right.” you said. “I, uh, didn’t think about that. A room all to myself…that’s…that’s gonna be nice.” you said.

“Yeah, uh, tell me about it. A night where you don’t hog all the covers.” Dean said, Sam shaking his head at the two of you.

“Well.” you said, before draining the last of your beer. “Guess, I’m gonna head to bed.”

“Night, Y/N.” Sam said.

“Yeah.” Dean said.

“Night, guys.” you said before turning to make your way upstairs. 

You walked into one of the bedrooms, and closed the door behind you. You pulled off your gloves and placed them on the table by the bed before pulling the covers back and crawling into bed, noticing just how strange it felt to be sleeping alone.

You had probably been in bed for about an hour, just laying there wide awake when you heard your door open. You rolled over to see Dean easing the door closed, a smile coming to your face, “Everything okay?” you asked, startling him.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Everything’s fine.” he said, not expecting you to be awake.

“What are you doing, then?” you asked.

Dean started to rub the back of his neck, “That, uh, the bed I picked, something’s wrong with it.” Dean said.

“Really? What is it?” you asked.

“Yeah, it’s, uh, really uncomfortable, and I couldn’t sleep, so I was just gonna crash with you, but, uh, nevermind.” he said, turning to the door.

“No, wait.” you blurted out, sitting up in bed. “You can sleep here. I don’t care. I mean, it’s better than being uncomfortable all night. ” you said, grabbing your gloves from the table and slipping them on.

“You sure? I mean, if I wasn’t in here then you wouldn’t have to sleep in those.” Dean said, nodding his head towards your hands.

“Get in bed, Winchester, before I change my mind.” you said, laying back down.

Dean quickly crossed the room and climbed into bed next to you, as you turned on your side, facing away from him, Dean’s arm soon wrapping around your waist, his legs tangling with yours.

“More comfortable?” you asked.

“Yeah.” Dean said, pausing a moment before speaking again, “Is…is this alright?” he asked, tightening his hold on you so that you would know what he was talking about. “I can give you more room if you want. It’s just, uh, this bed is kinda small, and…” Dean trailed off, the king sized bed being anything but small.

“No, this is fine. I was cold anyway.” you said, both of you unable to say what you really wanted to, deciding to skirt around what you wanted to say and read between the lines instead.

“Yeah, you do feel pretty cold.” Dean said, pulling you closer to him. “Better?” he asked.

“Yeah, night, De.” you said, snuggling back against him.

“Night, Y/N.” Dean said. 

You rolled over in bed to see Dean’s side empty and laid there a moment before getting up and getting dressed for the day.

You walked out of the bedroom to see Sam knocking on the bathroom door, “You ever comin’ out of there?” Sam asked.

“What?” you heard Dean say.

“Hey, What’s going on?” you asked.

“A police call came in on the scanner.” Sam said.

“Hold on!” Dean yelled.

“We got another one?” you asked, Sam nodding his head.

“Someone was found dead three blocks from here.” Sam said to you before turning back to the bathroom door, “Come on!”

The bathroom door cracked open, steam wafting out as Dean stood there with a towel on his head, “This shower is awesome.” he said.

“Told you.” you said.

Sam rolled his eyes, “Come on.” he said, before walking away. 

The three of you pulled up at Lynda Bloome’s house and got out of the car, the three of you approaching Larry, who was talking to someone on the phone, Lynda’s body being carried out in a body bag.

“Hello, you’re, uh, back early.” Larry said.

“Yeah, we just drove in, wanted to take another look at the neighborhood.” Dean said.

“What’s goin’ on?” Sam asked.

“You guys met, uh…Lynda Bloome at the barbeque?” Larry said.

“The realtor.” you said.

“Well, she, uh…passed away last night.” Larry said, the three of you looking at him in shock.

“What happened?” Dean asked.

“I’m still tryin’ to find out. I identified the body for the police. Look, I-I’m sorry, this isn’t a good time now.” Larry said.

“Oh, of course.” you said.

“It’s okay.” Sam assured him.

“Excuse me.” Larry said, before walking away.

“You guys know what we have to do, right?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, get in that house.” Sam said.

“See if we got a bug problem.” Dean said, the three of you climbing over the fence, and up the side of the house before climbing through Lynda’s bedroom window. 

“This looks like the place.” Dean said, looking down at the outline of her body on the carpet.

“Yeah, I’d say so.” you said, Dean walking over and picking up a towel from the floor, dropping it once he saw that it was covered in dead spiders.

“Spiders.” you said.

“From spider boy?” Dean asked.

“Matt…maybe.” Sam said, as you pulled off one of your gloves.

You bent down and picked up on of the spiders, holding it in the palm of your ungloved hand, the same feeling you got when you held the beetles hitting you.

“The spiders pissed too?” Dean asked.

“Pissed is an understatement.” you said, tossing the spider to the floor before putting your glove back on, “I think we need to pay Matt a visit.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right.” Dean said. 

Dean pulled the car over next to the curb, Matt getting off the school bus across the street.

“Isn’t his house that way?” Dean asked, pointing in the opposite direction that Matt was walking.

“Yup.” Sam said.

“So, where’s he goin’?” Dean asked.

“Probably to work his mojo on some more bugs.” you said.

The three of you got out of the car and started to follow after Matt, finding him examining a grasshopper.

“Great, now it’s gonna be killer grasshoppers.” you said, under your breath.

“Hey, Matt. Remember me?” Sam asked.

“What are you doin’ out here?” Matt asked.

“We could ask you the same thing.” you said.

“We wanna talk to you.” Dean said.

“You’re not here to buy a house, are you?” Matt asked, you and Dean shaking your heads. “W-wait. You’re not serial killers?” Matt asked, the three of you laughing.

“No, no. No, I think you’re safe. "Sam said.

"So, Matt…you sure know a lot about insects.” Dean said.

“So?” Matt asked.

“Did you hear what happened to Lynda, the realtor?” Dean asked.

“I heard she died this morning.” Matt said.

“Mm, that’s right. Spider bites.” Dean said.

“Matt…you tried to scare her with a spider.” Sam said.

“Wait. You think I had something to do with that?” Matt asked.

“Well, it looks that way.” you said.

“You tell us.” Dean said.

“That tarantula was a joke. Anyway, that wouldn’t explain the bee attack, or the gas company guy.” Matt said.

“You know about those?” Sam asked, Matt nodding his head.

“Let’s just get to the bottom of this.” you said, pulling off your glove before stepping up to Matt.

“W-what are you doing?” he nervously asked.

“Just be still, kid.” you said before placing your hand on his shoulder.

“Well?” Dean asked.

“The kid has a whole lot of daddy issues, but I don’t think it’s him.” you said, slipping your glove back on.

Matt looked at you strangely for a moment, “There is somethin’ going on here. I don’t know what…but something’s happening with the insects. Let me show you guys something.” Matt said, as he picked up his backpack and started to walk away. 

“So, if you knew about all the bug stuff, why not tell your dad? Maybe he could clear everybody out.” Sam said.

“Believe me, I’ve tried, but, uh, Larry doesn’t listen to me. ” Matt said.

“Why not?” Sam asked.

“Mostly, he’s too disappointed in his freak son.” Matt said.

“And there’s the daddy issues.” you said, nudging Dean.

Sam scoffed, “I hear you.” he said.

“You do?” Dean asked, Sam turning around to give him a look.

“Matt, how old are you?” Sam asked.

“Sixteen.” Matt said.

“Well, don’t sweat it, because in two years, something great’s gonna happen.” Sam said.

“What?” Matt asked.

“College. You’ll be able to get out of that house and away from your dad.” Sam said.

“Fuck. Here we go.” you said.

“What kind of advice is that? Kid should stick with his family.” Dean said, Sam sighing and glaring at him.

“How much further, Matt?” you asked, hoping that it wasn’t going to be much longer, the tension between Sam and Dean was palpable.

“We’re close.” Matt said.

Sam glared at Dean again, “Hey, knock that shit off.” you said, before the three of you started walking again, reaching a large clearing a few moments later.

“I’ve been keeping track of insect populations. It’s, um, part of an AP science class.” Matt said, the sounds of hundreds of different insects echoing among the trees.

“You two are like peas in a pod.” Dean said.

“Dean.” you warned, Sam ignoring him.

“What’s been happening?” Sam asked.

“A lot. I mean, from bees to earthworms, beetles…you name it. It’s like they’re congregating here.” Matt said.

“Why?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know.” Matt said.

“What’s that?” Sam asked, pointing to a dark patch of grass a few feet away.

The four of you walked over and discovered hundreds of worms. Dean stepped on some of them, and they fell into the ground, creating a hole. Dean crouched down and used a stick to poke around in the hole.

“That’s just fuckin’ gross.” you said, watching as he continued to poke around.

“There’s somethin’ down there.” Dean said, before putting the stick down and reaching into the hole with his hand.

“Jesus, De. Be fuckin’ careful. You don’t know what’s down there.” you said.

Dean continued to feel around in the hole, a disgusted expression on his face. He finally brought his hand out, all of you looking horrified at the dirt and worm covered human skull in his hand.

“Well, I sure as fuck wasn’t expecting that.” you said. 

The three of you pulled up outside of the local university and got out of the car, grabbing the box of bones from the backseat before heading towards the building.

“So, a bunch of skeletons in an unmarked grave.” Sam said.

“Yeah, maybe this is a haunting. Pissed off spirits? Some unfinished business?” Dean asked.

“There’s definitely some unfinished business there, but it wasn’t just rage I felt. There…there was fear, misery. ” you said, remembering what you felt when you touched the bones.

“Question is, why bugs? And why now?” Sam asked.

“That’s two questions.” Dean said, Sam ignoring him. “Yeah, so with that kid back there…why’d you tell him to just ditch his family like that?” Dean asked.

“Just, uh…I know what the kid’s goin’ through.” Sam said.

“Are we really fuckin’ doin’ this now?” you asked, both of them ignoring you.

“How 'bout tellin’ him to respect his old man, how’s that for advice?” Dean asked.

“Dean, come on.” Sam said, the three of you no longer walking. “This isn’t about his old man. You think I didn’t respect Dad. That’s what this is about.” Sam said.

“Now is not the time.” you said, looking between them.

“Just forget it, all right? Sorry I brought it up.” Dean said.

“I respected him, but no matter what I did, it was never good enough.” Sam said.

“Is that what you really think, Sam?” you asked, Sam nodding his head.

“So, what are you sayin’? That Dad was disappointed in you?” Dean asked.

“Was? Is. Always has been.” Sam said.

“Oh, Sam.” you sighed.

“Why would you think that?” Dean asked.

“Because I didn’t wanna bowhunt or hustle pool, because I wanted to go to school and live my life, which, to our whacked-out family, made me the freak.” Sam said.

“Yeah, you were kind of like the blonde chick in The Munsters.” Dean said.

“Dean.” you scolded.

“You know what most dad’s are when their kids score a free ride? Proud. Most dads don’t toss their kids out of the house.” Sam said.

“I remember that fight. In fact, I seem to recall a few choice phrases comin’ out of your mouth.” Dean said.

“Guys.” you said.

“You know, truth is, when we finally find Dad…I don’t know if he’s even gonna wanna see me.” Sam said.

“That’s not true, Sam.” you said, Dean nodding his head.

“Sam, Dad was never disappointed in you. Never. He was scared.” Dean said.

“What are you  talkin’ about?” Sam asked.

“He was afraid of what could’ve happened to you if he wasn’t around, but even when you two weren’t talkin’…he used to swing by Stanford whenever he could. Keep an eye on you. Make sure you were safe.” Dean said.

“What?” Sam asked.

“It’s true.”  you said.

“Why didn’t you guys tell me any of that?” Sam asked.

“Well, it is a two way street, dude. You could’ve picked up the phone. Come on, we’re gonna be late for our appointment.” Dean said before walking away.

“Sorry, Sam.” you said before turning to follow after Dean. 

“So, you three are students?” the professor asked.

“Yes, sir.” you said.

“Yeah. Yeah, uh, we’re in your class…Anthro 101.” Sam added.

“Oh, yeah.” the professor said.

“So, what about the bones, Professor?” Dean asked.

“This is quite an interesting find you’ve made. I’d say they’re 170 years old, give or take. The time frame and the geography heavily suggest Native American.” the professor said.

“Native American?” you asked, the professor nodding his head.

“Were there any tribes or reservations on that land?” Sam asked.

“Not according to the historical record, but the, uh, relocation of native people was quite common at that time.” the professor said.

“Right, well, are there any local legends?” Sam asked.

“Oral histories about the area?” you added.

“Well…you know, there’s a Euchee tribe in Sapulpa. It’s about sixty miles from here. Someone out there might know the truth.” the professor said.

“All right.” Dean said. 

The three of you were driving through Sapulpa, stopping to ask a Native American man for directions, thanking him and driving away once he pointed you in the right direction. 

The three of you walked into a diner to see another Native American man playing cards at a table.

“Joe Whitetree?” Sam asked, the man nodding his head. “We’d like to ask you a few questions, if that’s all right.” Sam said.

“We’re students from the university.” Dean said.

“No, you’re not. You’re lying.” Joe said, shocking Dean.

“Well, truth is.” Dean started to say before Joe cut him off.

“You know who starts sentence with "truth is”? Liars.“ Joe said, you and Dean exchanging a look.

"Have you heard of Oasis Plains? It’s a housing development near the Atoka Valley.” Sam said.

“I like him. He’s not a liar.” Joe said to Dean, Dean looking away angry. “I know the area.” Joe said to Sam.

“What can you tell us about the history?” Sam asked.

“Why do you wanna know?” Joe asked.

“Something…something bad is happening in Oasis Plains.” you said.

“We think it might have something to do with some old bones we found down there…Native American bones.” Sam added.

“I’ll tell you what my grandfather told me, what his grandfather told him. Two hundred years ago, a band of my ancestors lived in that valley. One day, the American cavalry came to relocate them. They were resistant, the cavalry impatient. As my grandfather put it, on the night the moon and the sun share the sky as equals, the cavalry first raided our village. They murdered, raped. The next day, the cavalry came again, and the next, and the next. And on the sixth night, the cavalry came on last time. And by the time the sun rose, every man, woman, and child still in the village was dead. They say on the sixth night, as the chief of the village lay dying, he whispered to the heavens that no white man would ever tarnish the land again. Nature would rise up and protect the valley, and if would bring death to the white man as the cavalry had brought upon the people.” Joe said.

“Insects. Sounds like nature to me. Six days.” Dean said.

“And on the night of the sixth day none would survive.” Joe said before turning to you, “You felt it, the rage, the misery, the fear.” he said.

“I…I…” you trailed off, not knowing what to say, nodding your head instead. 

“When did the gas company man die?” Sam asked, as the three of you were walking back to the car.

“Uh, let’s see, we got here Tuesday.” Dean said.

“Friday, the twentieth.” you said.

“March twentieth?” Sam asked.

“Yeah.” you replied.

“That’s the spring equinox.” Sam said.

“Yep.” you said, popping the p.

“The night the sun and the moon share the sky as equals.” Dean said.

“So, every year about this time, anybody in Oasis Plains is in danger. Larry built this neighborhood on cursed land.” Sam said.

“And on the sixth night…that’s tonight.” Dean said.

“If we don’t do something, Larry’s family will be dead by sunrise. So, how do we break the curse?” Sam asked.

“You don’t break a curse.” Dean said.

“You get out of it’s fuckin’ way. We’ve gotta get those people out now.” you said, the three of you getting into the car and driving away. 

Dean was driving while talking on the phone with Larry.

“Yes, Mr. Pike, there’s a mainline gas leak in your neighborhood.” Dean said, pausing a moment as he listened to Larry, “Well, it’s fairly extensive. I don’t want to alarm you, but we need your family out of the vicinity for at least twelve hours or so, just to be safe.” Dean said.

You leaned up from the backseat, resting your arms along the back of the front seat as you listened.

“Travis Weaver. I work for Oklahoma Gas and Power.” Dean said, you assuming that Larry asked who he was speaking to. “Uh…” Dean said, a few moments later, panicked, quickly hanging up the phone.

“Fuck.” you said, knowing it didn’t work .

“Give me the phone.” Sam said, taking the phone from Dean and dialing.

“Matt, it’s Sam.” Sam said, silent as he listened to Matt. “Matt, just listen. You have to get your family out of that house right now, okay?” Sam said.

“Tell him to stop asking questions and just do it.” you said.

“Because something is coming.” Sam said, ignoring you, listening to Matt instead, “Yeah, a lot more.” Sam said, and you knew they were talking about the bugs.

“Sam.” you said, trying to get his attention.

“You’ve got to make him listen, okay?” Sam said.

“Give me the phone, give me the phone.” Dean said, grabbing the phone from Sam, “Matt, under no circumstances are you to tell the truth, they’ll just think you’re nuts.” Dean said.

“Appendicitis.” you said, Dean nodding his head.

“Tell him you have a sharp pain in your right side and you’ve gotta go to the hospital.” Dean said, listening to Matt’s reply before hanging up the phone. “Make him listen? What are you thinkin’?” Dean asked Sam. 

A little while later Dean pulled up outside of Larry’s house, Larry coming outside when he noticed the car, Matt following after him.

“Damn it, they’re still here. Come on.” Dean said, the three of you getting out of the car.

“Get off my property before I call the cops.” Larry said.

“Mr. Pike, listen.” Sam said.

“Dad, they’re just trying to help.” Matt said.

“Get in the house!” Larry yelled.

“Okay, Larry…you need to chill the fuck out.” you said.

“I’m sorry, I told him the truth.” Matt said, to the three of you.

“We had a plan, Matt, what happened to the plan?” Dean asked.

“Look, it’s 12:00 AM. They are coming any minute now. You need to get your family and go, before it’s too late.” Sam said.

“Yeah, you mean before the biblical swarm.” Larry said.

“That’s exactly what we fuckin’ mean, Larry.” you said.

“Larry, what do you think really happened to that realtor, huh? And the gas company guy? You don’t think somethin’ weird’s goin’ on here?” Dean asked.

“Look, I don’t know who you are, but you’re crazy. You come near my boy or my family again, and we’re gonna have a problem.” Larry said.

“Well, I hate to be a downer, but we’ve got a problem right now.” Dean said.

“Why do people always think we’re fuckin’ crazy? I mean, I get it, but we’re just tryin’ to save your ass, Larry.” you said.

“Dad, they’re right, okay? We’re in danger.” Matt said.

“Matt, get inside! Now!” Larry yelled.

“No! Why won’t you listen to me?!” Matt asked.

“Because this is crazy! It doesn’t make any sense!” Larry yelled.

“Look, I’m all for you guys workin’ out your issues, but now is not the time.” you said.

“Look, this land is cursed! People have died here. Now, are you gonna really take that risk with your family?” Sam asked.

“Wait.” Dean said, all of you going silent. “You hear it?” he asked, a loud buzzing sounding off.

“What the hell?” Larry asked.

“That’s what we were tryin’ to tell you about.” you said.

“All right, It’s time to go. Larry get your wife.” Dean said.

“Guys.” Matt said, all of you turning to look up to the sky, millions of bugs flying towards the house, blanketing the sky.

“Oh my God.” Larry said.

“We’ll never make it.” Sam said.

“Everybody in the house. Everybody in the house, go!” Dean yelled, all of you rushing inside. 

“Okay, is there anybody else in the neighborhood?” Sam asked.

“No, it’s just us.” Larry said, as his wife walked into the room.

“Honey, what’s happening? What’s that noise?” Joanie asked.

“Call 911.” Larry said, Joanie not moving. “Joanie!”

“Okay.” she said.

“Yeah, 911 isn’t gonna be able to help you, Larry.” you said.

“I need towels.” Dean said.

“Uh, in the closet.” Larry said.

“Okay, we’ve gotta lock this place up. Come on…doors, windows, fireplace, everything, okay?” Sam said, him and Matt going upstairs.

“Phones are dead.” Joanie said.

“Of course.” you said as you helped Dean line the base of the front door with towels.

“They must have chewed through the phone lines.” Dean said, the power going out, “And the power lines.”

“I need my cell.” Larry said, picking up his cell phone. “No signal.”

“You won’t get one.” Dean said.

“They’re blanketing the house.” you added.

“So, what do we do now?” Larry asked.

“We try to out last it. Hopefully, the curse will end at sunrise.” Sam said.

“Hopefully?” Larry asked.

“Not so crazy now, are we?” you asked, as Dean walked into the kitchen ,searching the cabinets until he found a can of bug spray.

“Bug spray?” Joanie asked when Dean returned to the living room.

“Trust me.” Dean said, a creaking noise coming from somewhere around the fireplace.

“What is that?” Matt asked.

“The flue.” Sam answered.

“All right, I think everybody needs to get upstairs.” Dean said, hundreds of thousands of bugs suddenly swarming into the room.

“Fuck!” you yelled, swatting at them.

Dean pulled a lighter from his pocket, and sprayed the bug spray into the flame, fire shooting out towards the bugs, “All right, everybody upstairs! Now! Go, go, go!” Dean yelled. 

All of you rushed to the attic, Sam closing the door once everyone was inside. The buzzing of the bees started to grow louder as saw dust started to fall from the ceiling.

“Oh God, what’s that?” Joanie asked.

“Something’s eating through the wood.” Dean said.

“Termites.” Matt said.

“All right, everybody get back. Get back, get back, get back!” Dean yelled.

The three Pikes moved as far as they could into a corner of the attic, a second later, bugs chewed a hole through the wood and started to swarm around the room.

“We gotta find something to cover it!” you yelled, the three of you frantically searching for something to cover the hole.

The patch only worked for a minute, the bugs chewing two more holes in the roof, Dean tried to ward them off with the bug spray, but nothing was working.

“Dean!” you yelled, dragging him over into the corner the Pikes were in, the six of you desperately trying to swat the bugs away.

“Come here.” Dean said, pulling you into his jacket, trying to protect you.

Suddenly, the sun started to rise, the bugs miraculously starting to leave through the holes in the roof. You, Sam, and Dean walked over to see what happened. Through the hole, you could see the bugs flying away in one enormous colony, the three of you letting of a sigh of relief. 

The three of you came back to the Pike residence the next morning, all of you approaching Larry, who was placing boxes in a moving van.

“What, no goodbye?” Dean asked.

“I gotta say, Larry, my feelings are a little hurt.” you teased.

“Good timing. Another hour and we’d have been gone.” Larry said, shaking hands with each of you.

“For good?” Sam asked.

“Yeah. The development’s been put on hold while the government investigates those bones you found, but I’m gonna make damn sure no one lives here again.” Larry said.

“Well, that’s good to know.” you said.

“You don’t seem to upset about it.” Sam said.

“Well, this has been the biggest financial disaster of my career, but…” Larry said, looking over at Matt, “somehow, I really don’t care." 

Sam joined you and Dean by the car after he finished talking with Matt, the three of you watching Matt and Larry actually get along.

"I wanna find Dad.” Sam said.

“Yeah, me too.” Dean said.

“And we will.” you assured them.

“Yeah, but I just…I want to apologize to him.” Sam said, you reaching down to squeeze his hand.

“For what?” Dean asked.

“All the things I said to him. He was just doin’ the best he could.” Sam said.

“Well, don’t worry, like Y/N said, we’ll find him, and then you’ll apologize. And then within five minutes, you guys will be at each other’s throats.” Dean said.

Sam laughed, “Yeah, probably.” he said, the three of you sitting in silence for a few seconds.

“Well, let’s hit the road, boys.” you said.

“Let’s.” Dean said, the three of you getting into the car, giving Larry and Matt one last wave before driving off.

Tags: @miraclesoflove​​ @22sarah08​ @deans-baby-momma​ @spnae​ @karikatz12481​ @spngirl05 @winchester-fantasies​ @freddiemermaytaydeac​

@rainbowkisses31​ @in-deans-arms​ @scentedhoundshepherdmoney​ @teamfreewillisbae​ @it-could-go-off

[maviemesregles]

Once I was an Eagle

Thanks to all who keeps following this story! For all your lovely comments and messages in DM. <3

I've had so much fun writing this chapter. Xmas music was on as early as November started and inspiration hit me to write a wee bit of festivity. Hope you enjoy it!

P.S. Of course for full experience turn on your Christmas playlist or just listen to Michael Buble album ;)

Thanks to my beta @eclecticstarlightconnoisseur​ as always :)

Read on AO3.

Chapter I: The beginnings

Chapter II: Sassenach

Chapter III: Catharsis

Chapter IV: Lovestruck. Part I

Chapter V: Lovestruck. Part II

Chapter VI: Flecks of Sun

                                 Chapter VII: Mince pies & baubles

December

I used to think that I have grown out of loving Christmas time. In fact, I turned Scrooge-like and annoyed everyone around me with remarks about how this time has turned into something cynical, commercial, plastic. It wasn’t about love or family or Christianity anymore. Damn me, my Catholicism would be as fake as the myriad of Christmas advertisements. But this year something has changed. Or rather someone has changed it. 

The snowflakes were dancing around the narrow streets of Edinburgh draping the roofs in white fluffy blankets. The naked trees outlining the alleys and parks and the dull grey sky were a reminder of the seasons changing. The chill in the air made people wrap their scarfs around their necks while their coats kept them toasty warm. Rosy-cheeked and smiling, the young, old and the smallest ones were peering into the shiny, glittery shop windows. My feet froze in front of one featuring a festive woodland scene. I noticed my own reflection in the shiny glass, seeing a smile touch my lips as I gazed upon the scene. The eyes of Beauchamp who was happy. I really was. Dizzyingly, drunkenly, unbelievably happy.

The whole month has passed since that horrifying evening that made me think of the possibility of losing Jamie. 

The whole month of visits to Broch Mordha, of Jenny teaching me to cook (and failing), of Brian showing me different surroundings and telling me fascinating stories of the family Fraser (or clan as he called it).

Of me laughing until I would cry at the jokes Jamie’s godfather Murtagh made.

Of getting drunk and singing on the streets with Jamie and his childhood friends Angus and Rupert.

Of that sweet, touching feeling that made me so sentimental when Jenny and Ian’s children would call me Auntie Claire.

Of Geillis and me spending quiet cozy evenings together in my kitchen with a bottle of red.

Of Jamie and me trying to find a secure corner in Lallybroch to make love without being interrupted by his family.

Of us making plans for the summer and where we might spend our first vacation together. (me suggesting Rome, Jamie saying Amsterdam would be more interesting)

Of arguing over that for the first time and then having makeup sex that made the hairs on my skin rise and hide my eyes away from the neighbours the next day.

Of catching a cold and then giving it to one another, spending two days at home, snuggled up on the couch in the company of disgusting snotty tissues.

Of twenty-three mornings, days and nights of Jamie making me coffee, greeting the sunrise together and making love in the darkness of the night.

Of five hundred hours saying I love you.

* * * 

“Claire? What takes ye so long? I’ll freeze all my manly bits down here waiting for ye.” Jamie’s voice sounded muffled, mixed up with the noise of the traffic outside. “Ye ken, ye could put on a Tesco bag as a dress and yer still be the most bonnie and sexy lass I’d ever seen.”

Snorting (not ladylike at all and reminding Adso to be a good boy), I put on the only pair of heels I’d own (sleek and shiny, black stiletto) finally making it outdoors.

December 20th was the day Geillis threw a Christmas party each year. Though this time I’d much prefer to stay at home with Jamie trying to recreate his mom’s Gingerbread cookies recipe. But, I could not say no to my best friend.

Jumping into the car I cursed feeling all the sharp embroidery of the dress I’d bought (a black bodycon, fully covered in beads, ending just slightly above my knees) dig into my skin.

“Jesus H.Roosevelt Christ!” I hissed as my hand immediately reached for the button of the heating control. “Of course you’d freeze everything in here, you bloody Scot.”

Expecting Jamie’s usual reaction - rolling his eyes, saying something in Gaelic I did not understand (on purpose), and then laughing at me, I turned my head.

“What?”

His mouth was slightly agape as his eyes travelled from my feet up to my body. Lingering for a second on my hips, he licked his lips. By the time his gaze reached my face, his eyes darkened becoming a stormy blue.

“What?” I repeated, shifting on the leather seat. 

“Fuck,” All of a sudden he sounded exactly the same when he whispered my name with last thrusts inside me. “Yer the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen, Sassenach.”

My heart started beating out of control. The way he looked at me - I already was seeing the stars without even being touched.

“Fuck?” My brow quirked in a question as I leaned to him, taking a fistful of his white collar. “Are you suggesting something, my lad?”

He swallowed. Not able to resist I dragged my tongue over his Adam’s apple. His skin tasted bitter (the cologne he’d used) and a bit stinging (the remnants of the stubble).

“I’ll have ye until ye forget yer own name,”  Jamie’s finger drew intricate patterns up my leg, sliding over the black material of stockings. 

My breath hitched as his hand slipped under the hem of my dress.

I bit my lower lip thinking Geillis would kill me if we were late. And surely my redheaded friend will make all kinds of inappropriate guesses as to why we did not arrive not on time.

Jamie removed his hand just as if he read my mind.

“Though there are at least a million and one things I would love to do to ye right now,” he brought his hands back to the steering wheel. “I canna wait another hour for ye to dress. And ye’d definitely need to change afterward.”

Jamie gave me the most awful wink that made me laugh out loud.

“I’ll hold you to a million and one things, James Fraser.”

As the evening progressed, we drank (wine and whisky, clearly a regret in the morning), Jamie devoured at least a dozen of canapes complaining that there’s no real food (and Geillis assuming with a smirk that “Claire, do ye no feed yer Highlander?”). We danced. My cheek resting just above his heart, arms wrapped around his neck, Jamie’s hands on the small of my back.

I ached. I felt hot and needy. More and more with each hour of Jamie’s innocent (not at all) words and texts (though we barely left each other) of what he was going to do to me once we are home. 

An accidental (not) brush on Jamie’s leg with the tip of my shoe under the table.

A squeeze of his hand on my hip as we danced.

A chaste kiss in the company of Geillis watching us and the one that took my breath away when no one paid attention.

On our way back the car windows steamed up with alcoholic breath or perhaps it was from the mist of desire floating between us.

When my aching feet crossed the threshold, kicking off the shoes, Jamie’s hand closed the door pressing me against it. The skin on my face was hot, flushed. But Jamie's fingertips ran over my heated body leaving a pleasantly cool trail over my cheek and neck.

I was nothing but my body. The dim hall light blurred into one endless mirage. He was kissing me then. The tip of my nose. With a quite mumble “cute one”.

His lips hot with desire blazed a path of sweet kisses. My eyelids. Cheeks. Lips.

When my dress fluttered down my body to the floor with a soft rustling Jamie led me to the bedroom.

Our lovemaking was the bridge to one another that we had built and rebuilt every time our bodies joined. In the aftermath, we laid in the darkness of the room with the only sound of Adso’s purring interrupting the pleasant stillness.

Limbs still entwined, Jamie drew me even closer seeking to imprint our union forever into the skin. I curled up around him, my lips pressed to a soft curl on his neck.

Through the soothing warmth of sleep, I thought I heard Jamie mumble something about buying a Christmas tree and going to Broch Mordha.

For where all love is, the speaking is unnecessary. It is all. It is undying. And it is enough.

* * *

Mornings in winter were very dark and cold. But at the same time cosy and serene, despite the cold that drew a frozen lace upon my cheeks each time I ran down to my car in a hurry to warm it up. Nights last much longer bringing that peacefulness with them. It was my favourite time. I could curl up covered by a heavy duvet, wrapped up in Jamie’s embrace, listening to his heartbeat. The darkness of winter mornings was a chance for my lips to find that hollow space on Jamie’s neck in the dark, where he was tender and delicate. I would press a kiss there, his skin smelling musky with his own perfume and the memory of our lovemaking. 

Later, when the sun warmed up the room, my legs felt like Jello from morning sex and I dissolved limp and slick as I lay on top of Jamie. Despite my amorous morning activities, my mind was still partly sleepy. Jamie, on the other hand, was out of bed in seconds, urging me to hurry up. In the end, it wasn’t a dream about buying a tree. Jamie had the whole plan set up and I obediently followed him. Though I wasn’t sure why I’d need a Christmas tree when we were going to celebrate in Broch Mordha with his family.

Morning began with having fresh croissants in the bakery with herbal tea and polishing off with mulled wine from the market stall (Jamie saying it’s not a crime at this time of the year after my remark that we look like chronical alcoholics sipping Gluhwein in the middle of the day).

Jamie stoically handled my nagging about the pine needles that’ll be all over my beige carpet,  Adso’s misbehaving and surely kicking the tree down, and how awful we are chopping down the real one.

He rolled his eyes only several times as I kept choosing one tree over another. We’d spent about three hours at the tree farm, becoming cold to the point I couldn’t feel my toes anymore. We struggled for thirty minutes to load the green beauty to Jamie’s car and laughed so hard, the passerby surely thought us mental.

I had spilled the hot cocoa all over my jacket and dropped mushy marshmallows to the car seat. Jamie hoovered the insides of his car for another hour trying to get rid of the pine needles and the mess I’ve created. He cursed in Gaelic every other second as he tried to fit the three through the doorway. All of this adventure was so far away from the perfect but it felt so real, so ours, and so magical.

“I love you.” I whispered into his lips, being held up high in Jamie’s arms. I retrieved a box of vintage tree ornaments and lights from the highest shelf in my flat knowing that they would be just perfect on our tree.

When the pink and fluffy skies turned into the dark-blue, Jamie and I sat on the floor amongst packets of tinsel, tangled lights, and shiny baubles.

My life never resembled anything close to what one would see on a TV commercial. It had been some time since I truly felt happy at Christmas, now I felt as though that feeling of peak and joy come back.

As the second mug of tea was drunk, I sat with my back pressed to Jamie’s chest, his knees as two guards around my hips. The Spotify Christmas playlist and the warmth of Jamie next to me made me feel half sleepy as I lazily dug through the decorations.

“Where did ye get all of those?” He pointed to the box of baubles.

My fingers that fought stubborn mess of tangled lights, froze.

“It’s from my childhood.” My voice sounded distant. “I know it’s a pile of old crap, but I could never throw it away.”

Jamie’s lips softly touched the back of my neck.

“Tis no crap, Sassenach. Tis yer memories. And ye should always keep em here.” His hand came around my chest and laid over my frantically beating heart.

Suddenly my mind conjured up the picture that was still so vivid. It is 1991 and our Christmas tree is ridiculous. At least that’s what four years old me thinks and I don’t forget to inform my dad of my thoughts. My father stands on the ladder that dangerously wobbles as he tries to secure a star on top of the tree. There is Miracle on 34th street rolling on TV and my mum plugs in the Christmas lights. I happily squeal and grin at the sight of it. My parents kiss and I say it’s gross but just then dad chases me over the room to give me sloppy kisses on my cheeks. I explode with giggles and ask for the hundredth time when Santa is going to come. We eat the best roast dinner and watch Home Alone, the three of us curled up on the couch. I’m beyond thrilled I’m allowed to stay up late but fall asleep right after the movie finishes. In the morning I am a proud owner of a doll in a blue dress that Santa had brought me. 

And now I realize that Christmas tree from distant 1991 was just the perfect one. As perfect as the one I was looking at now, with Jamie’s arms wrapped around my waist. 

It was tall, brushing the ceiling, filled with all the ornaments I own, bathed in tinsels and ceramic snowflakes. 

“Shall we?” Jamie kissed the tip of my ear and plugged the lights in.

The tree shone and my heart together with it.

“It’s beautiful.” 

“Well, now I have to move my things in here.” Jamie spun me in his arms humming to Buble’s version “It’s beginning to look like Christmas”

My brows furrowed as I escaped his embrace to steal a piece of mince pie we’d bought two days earlier. (Jamie with an almost childlike squeal plodded down the aisle of Christmas stuff in Waitrose, saying we must get these).

“Why so?” I pinched his jaw with my forefinger and thumb.

“For one,” Jamie raised a finger to tap down my nose, followed by a slightest of lips brush. “I’m terribly worried for the health of yer wee cheetie. Those awful candles ye buy and burn, Sassenach. A Dhia, the poor cat will suffocate.”

I snorted.

“Nonsense. You love it.” 

A high-pitched squealing left my throat as I tried to escape Jamie’s hand that made an attempt to smack my arse. Adso that has been observing his parents from a nest made out of a duvet on the couch sniffed, yawned and walked away, showing with all his being how ridiculous we are. (And yes, Jamie declared that now he’s the full-time dad to my cat taking into account the amount of time he spends at my flat).

“And second of all,” my boyfriend with a grace better than Adso’s reached me in two steps. “We have bought a Christmas tree together. That’s a commitment. A serious one.”

Failing in my attempt to hide behind the aforementioned tree I let Jamie take me by the wrist, drawing me into his arms. He let his hands scatter down my sides, stopped for a second to knead my hips, finally squeezing my bottom with the most mischievous look I’ve ever seen him make.

“God, yer arse.” 

“A commitment?” I licked my lips feeling my heart beating frantically. “What you have in mind, Mr Fraser?”

Jamie started to sway us in a slow rocking dance motion, turning off the main light with his left hand. The room sank into a cozy glow of Christmas lights that flickered on the baubles and tinsel. The candles that lived on my coffee table (now Christmas edition - Spiced Gingerbread and Twisted Peppermint) gave a touch of a true home, drawing the shadowy patters on the wall. As the voice of Buble sang “I’ll be home for Christmas, you can plan on me…”

Jamie leaned forward to kiss me with a whisper.

“I think we should move in together, Claire.”

[naivesilver]

31, 56, 19, 78, 20, 16, 11, 12 , 10, 4, 1, 21, 36, 39. Sorry if this is too many 😅

Guys it’s NEVER too many you’re giving me the chance to talk nonstop about Sonic it’s the best thing that’s happened to me in days

also I had planned to answer them in the order you asked for but it was driving me crazy so I sorted them out thematically sorry alfhjkhljshja

I answered 1 here!

100 Sonic Questions

21.) Tell us a funny Sonic-related story.

This one comes from the depths of my very first months as a Sonic fan. Basically, I had watched Sonic X upon its first Italian release as a very very smol bean. By the time I got obsessed again in middle school, though, I had forgotten everything about it except a few shots from the Italian opening theme and ONE scene from a season three episode, where Sonic and Knuckles played chess on a spaceship and then Sonic began running around and fell into space.

The “friend” that had introduced me to the show again (not a nice person and source of about 25% of my trauma, I’m glad to say I haven’t seen her in years) didn’t believe me and accused me of lying. Repeatedly. Unkindly. For months. How could such a stupid scene be in such an amazing cartoon? I must be trying to fuck with her.

Fast forward to the end of the year. I’m minding my business and I see a Facebook message from this friend, and another, and another. I click on it wondering what she’d be going ham over, and BAM. This girl had been watching Sonic AMVs on Youtube and had caught a glimpse of that scene at the beginning of a video and was fucking losing it over the fact that WOW, I HAD BEEN TELLING THE TRUTH ALL ALONG?!

Now, you have to understand that I wasn’t the kind of kid that swore, back then. I had been brought up to think that swear words would send you to hell straight away. And while not a delicate little flower, I was much, much cuter and more proper than I am now because I couldn’t live out my butch dreams quite yet. But I needed to express all the frustration gathered in those months.

So please imagine this baby-faced, straight A student 13yo wait for her friend in front of their school and bellow at the top of her lungs “BITCH, WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL YOU?”

I still remember that scene fondly, though.

31.) Tell us a Sonic-related story that will give us feels.

Related to the experience I just mentioned, the problem I had in my first years in this fandom was that this person who had dragged me into it was obsessed with the thought that people would mock us for it. She said it was for kids, and when she got over it she gave me shit for clinging to my passion while she’d “grown up”, and she had me enjoy Sonic in secret and yelled at me for saying anything even vaguely related out loud where other people could hear us.

It got into my head so much that for a long long time I didn’t dare share anything Sonic-adjacent on any social media, long past when I’d broke away from her. I thought no one would ever take me seriously again. I felt ashamed a lot.

It got better, though. Slowly, I broke out of my shell and started interacting with this amazing fandom, and I found lots of people who didn’t give a damn about what the world thought of their passion. And I know tons of wonderful people outside the fandom, too, friends who encourage me to talk about Sonic even though they don’t know anything about it. Chats where any mention of Sonic has someone saying “wait we must tag naivesilver into this she’ll love it”. It’s - it warms my heart every day. Tumblr is a shithole, but it helped me in feeling free to do what I love in the fandom that I love most.

Thank you. To everyone that got me through that, thank you. You have no idea how helpful you’ve been to me.

19.) Favorite soundtrack

KNOCK KNOCK IT’S FUCKING KNUCKLES

20.) Least favorite soundtrack?

None I think???? There are some I don't listen to much, either because I haven't played the game or I just don't vibe with them, but there isn't any song that I particularly dislike. Almost all of them are genuine bops.

16.) (if you read fanfic) What are some fic tropes you love? Ones you hate?

FOUND FAMILY!!! Adoptive parents, siblings, friends taking care of each other, I want a shitton of fluff in my life. And kid!fic. I could read (and write!) kid!fic every day for the rest of my life and never get tired of it. That's why I enjoy Chaotix and Sonic Movie fics so much. Let's raise them boys well.

As for hating...I don't like high school AUs lmao I wrote one when I was younger but I never dared touch it again and I haven't read any Sonic one since 2014 at most. And most time travel fics. Sorry, Silver, I love you a fucking lot but time travel shenanigans are only funny in the two or three specific settings my mind lets me enjoy.

11.) Top five stages.

In no particular order:

-Press Garden (Mania)

-Casinopolis (Adventure)

-Casino Forest (Forces)

-Studiopolis (Mania)

Anddddd I haven't played much else so I'll have to get back to you on this ajshfkjfahlljha

12.) Worst five stages.

-IMPERIAL TOWER

-IMPERIAL TOWER

-Jesus Christ I died 78 times in that stage alone

-I'm bad at being fast and not falling off stuff and it required me to do both at the same time

-Also the Shadow DLC levels. Fuck me up a bit more will you

56.) In your opinion, what’s the weirdest thing any character has ever said?

I'm a simple girl, I see this panel and I lose my shit

10.) What do you like best about your favorite animated adaptation?

I only finished my Sonic X rewatch yesterday and I’ve been meaning to make some final comments about it (tho it’d probably be me rambling at thin air bc I doubt I can say anything that hasn’t been already said over and over and over) but the most compelling thing for me is and always will be the music.

Don’t get me wrong, what I’ve seen of the OG Japanese version had wonderful, heartfelt music, but the upbeat themes I grew up with still have me vibing day in and day out. I can dance to the Italian opening sequence at any given moment - no, you know what, here it is. Watch it and feel the serotonin drip into your veins.

(Some people will come at me for this, but I didn’t watch this show in 2019-2020 to make an in-depth analysis about it. I did it to have a dance off while Knuckles beat up some robots.)

78.) Post a scene that always gives you feels.

Sonic 06:

13yo me about to see her first ship torn apart:

4.) The last Sonic game you played is now your life. How awesome is this adventure gonna be?

Sonic Adventure - which means it’s a pretty cool life, unless it runs like SA does on my laptop and it turns slow and glitchy and grinds on my nerves even more

36.) C’mon now. How many ships do you have? :P

A FUCKING LOT my main ones are silvaze, vecpio and sonadow but I have many medium or small ones that I enjoy finding content for, like tikaze or knouge

39.) Which game is your golden standard?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m not the greatest game fan as in I’ve only been actively playing for the past 2/3 years. Before that it was just gameplays on Youtube, so you should not take my opinion into any account since it’s not very informed.

However there was something about Sonic and the Black Knight that just felt...new? Peculiar? I know jack shit about the technical side of gaming but I remember being extremely pumped every time I logged in to see more of it. I'd like to feel that again, when a new game drops.