#everything hurts all the fucking time. im probably dying

[puppysdog]

being depressed sucks but not being depressed is so fucking hard. bitches cant win at anything

[darkcrowprincess]

Mike has a breakdown/ Mike goes off:

The last time Mike had a breakdown. He was 12, and the world was ending. The second time was no different. But everytime it happens, Mike is still surprised when the anger/sadness/powerlessness explodes out of him. It all comes spilling out in the worse way, like a shaken can of coke a cola exploding when you flip open the top. Lets set the scene. A empty office in the radio tower station, as Lucas and Mike wait for Will and Dustin. Mike and Lucas being the only two in the room. Mike has been on edge all day. Lucas is getting a little tired of it honestly. He knows you shouldn't go poking the angry bear known as Mike. But well, they have been avioding the obvious long enough.

"Its almost like you're afraid or something," Lucas says nonchalantly. Mostly to himself. But really to get a reaction out of the skinny, tall, brooding idiot he calls a best friend.

"What?" Mike asks confused. He turns to Lucas. Done with his staring match with the wall. Brings the seat he was leaning on it's back legs fully onto all fours again.

"You heard me, your scared of being with Will. Your terrified to love him. Or terrified to at least tell him." Lucas states matter of fact. No bullshit in his face or in his tone.

Seeing that he's serious, Micheal Wheeler's face goes through so many emotions in the span of seconds. Confused, realization, fear, acceptance, and then finally anger. Actually no anger isn't the right word.

Mike was in two words; pissed off.

"Fuck you. You know what Lucas fuck you.

Lucas doesn't get mad, "Well are you?"

"Im not talking about this!" Mike angrily whispers. Its the whispering that gets you. You can tell thats Mike's pissed because he hadn't started yelling yet. He's trying to hold it in.

"But are you? Are you scared? It will make you feel better if you talk about it Mike," Lucas declares with and honest, yet haunted look in his face. Unspoken between is whats obviously haunting Lucas.

Mike wants to cross that line and bring Max up to piss Lucas off. Get him to hate him and back off with this line of questioning.

But Mike thinks, he doesn't want to. Partly because he's just so sick of hurting his friends. But mostly because Mike is just tired. Tired of keeping it all in. So he pops open the soda.

Mike's pale face becomes red quickly in anger, "Of course I'm fucking scared! Im scared of losing him again!!

Mike yells this out into the room. Its loud and people could probably hear him.

Lucas though, oddly is in favor of the anger. For Mike to be honest, even if he is angry. Lucas feels like his best friend needs it. Seemingly wiser than his age suggests, "Mike your not going to lose him. You haven't lost Will. Will is still here."

"Yeah but for how long Lucas! How long huh? I couldn't handle losing him for a week when I was 12! 12 Lucas! He got lost from my house that day! My house! He was suppose to be safe! And he wasn't! I couldn't do anything! I was helpless! Then the next year with losing El, he was being possessed and hurt by that thing! He was hurt and everyone around us was dying! The best thing I could come up with was to burn up a hole in the ground! That was the best I could come up with to help him! I'm always useless! Every year its some new fucking disaster nightmare that could kill us all, but losing him in this mess is what terrifies me most. And your asking me to listen to my heart and get into a relationship with him. Tell him I love him and act like everything will turn out hunky dory, we'll be skipping off into the sunset, Will and I?! Are you out of your fucking mind Lucas!"

Mike is full on yelling now, and he seems to just be getting started.

Mike throws his hands in the air and starts pacing. Back in fourth like he needs to move.

"The whole town is this close to going crazy psycho mob on us, the upside down is leaking into our world. Plus you know homophobia is still a fucking thing in the 80s. And the cherry on top of all the piles of shit we are dealing with, Vecna wants Will.

Mike starts laughing in a cruel hysterical vocie, pulling his hair tight in his fists, still pacing. "Which is just another can of worms. That creep does not only want to kill my family personally, but he's making the moves on Will. Like no the universe can not let William Byers have a fucking break in this life! Lets add a homicidal pervert to the equation!"

"Mike calm done it will be ok." Lucas says, getting up and going to Mike.

That is the wrong thing to say.

"DONT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN LUCAS SINCLAIR! NONE OF THIS WILL BE FUCKING OK!!" Mike grabs something on the desk in anger. A paperweight. Turning to the window(behind him, no where near Lucas' vicinity) Mike throws the paperweight with all his strength towards the office window and breaks the glass. It makes hauntingly loud shattering noise. It echos loud in the room, and the glass from the impact falls out from the hole made with the round paper weight. Then the room is filled with silence and Mikes harsh breathing. His shoulder moves with his angry breathing, but doesn't turn around.

"Whats going on?" Says a soft familiar voice.

Both boys turn around, there standing in the open doorway is Will.

Mike turns back around, not wanting to make eye contact with Will. Not wanting anyone (especially Will) to see him like this. Mike just keeps staring out the broken window. In the reflection of the broken glass, if you look, you can see Mike Wheeler start to cry. Silent tears appear in his eyes.

Lucas tries to cover for him, " Nothing everything is-."

"Please don't say everything is fine Lucas. Mike shouldn't be yelling at you like that. Especially with everything going on." Says Will. But he isn't yelling. He says this with a tired but gentle look on his face. A look that he's only sending Mike's way.

Lucas is tired too. "I'm going to give you guys some space to talk."

Will nods as he fully walks into the room, heading towards Mike. Mike still hasn't turned around.

"Thanks Lucas, please shut the door too."

Lucas doesn't say anything. No point really, Mike and Will are in their own world. But he does as Will asked.

As he closes the door, he catches Will hugging Mike from behind. Mike leans into the touch as much as he can. Turns around (tears staining his face) and hugs Will fully.

*******

(God this took forever to write!!! But I'm so glad I finished. Would love to hera your opinions Byler shippers!)

[froggibus]

Taking Care Of You While Sick - Obey Me!

Includes: Lucifer, Mammon, Levi, Satan, Asmo, Beel & Belphie

Genre: hurt/comfort + fluff!

Summary: you get sick, and your favorite demon knows (or tries his best) just how to take care of you

CW: sick! Reader, fever, lots of medicine, satan being Satan, wholesome Beel

wow i wonder what could have possibly inspired me to write this one….weird. anyway I am still sick but thats okay cause i got to sleep 20 hours one day and watch all the marvel movies so pog. anyway enjoy <3

————

Lucifer 

doesn’t know much about human illnesses but knows when you’re getting sick 

 makes you get lots of bed rest

 will have medicine and fresh water for you around the clock

 offers to do his paperwork in your room to keep you company 

 you don’t really notice either way cause you’re asleep mostly 

 he does anyway tho cause he’s worried and wants to keep an eye on you

 corrects your temperature in your sleep too

 shivering? adds another blanket

 sweating? pulls the covers back and puts a cold cloth on your forehead

 “luc did you…swaddle me?”

 “you were cold”

 even after you get better he’s extra adamant about you taking vitamins 

Mammon 

 thinks you’re dying at first

 notices you’re much warmer than usual and actually thinks you’re going to light on fire

 panics and thinks lucifer is gonna kill him 

 you have to explain that you’re not actually dying but that you’re sick 

 probably has no idea what to do to help you

 just does what he likes when he’s sick

 brings you lots of fluids (especially juice)

 and soup

 expect lots of soup/ramen

 is with you 24/7

 “you’re MY responsibility so I gotta keep an eye on you”

 probably forgets to take care of himself in the process 

 so you make him drink your water/eat your soup/sleep 

 definitely sleeps with you with the excuse of ‘watching out for you’

Levi

 its just like in that anime he watched 

 except he really hopes you’re not dying like the MC in the anime was

 just does exactly what they did in the anime (but with a lot more blushing and stuttering)

 probably thinks you’d rather lucifer or mammon take care of you 

 you try to comfort him but you’re so tired that it just comes out as a bunch of mumbles 

 definitely has to give himself a peptalk (or five)

 “y/n is really sick rn, this isn’t about you, ok?”

 will feed you medicine if you’re not strong enough to do it yourself 

 you’re surprised at how well he’s handling things

 “ok y/n im gonna head back to my room but if you need anything tonight just text me ok?”

 “levi can you stay with me”

 thinks he’s misheard you at first

 malfunctions for a really long time 

 you’re already falling asleep by the time he decides to climb in bed with you

Satan

 has been waiting for this moment since you arrived 

 literally read so many books about human illness and immune systems 

 figured it was only a matter of time until you got sick

 is ready with juice and water and medicine 

 literally has everything you could possibly need 

 checks your temperature VERY delicately

 “fuck y/n you’re burning up”

 gets you a cold cloth for your forehead 

 even tho he knows everything he still is really nervous

 checks on you like every five minutes (if he even leaves your room)

 would make himself a bed on your floor so that if you need him in the night he’s there

 somehow you convince him to come lay with you 

 even tho you’re a million degrees 

 he’ll stay with you all night just to make sure you’re okay

 would definitely try and hunt down whoever infected you 

Asmo

 can tell you’re sick just by how clammy and washed out you look

 but he won’t say anything 

 probably makes you one of his ultra healthy super food smoothies

 even if it tastes gross he makes sure you drink it

 would probably spoon feed you food too

 insists you get lots of rest

 and when you can’t sleep he’s there to keep you company

 keeps up with your hygiene too

 will brush your hair/tie it up so that it doesn’t get tangled while you sleep

 gets a cloth to wipe down your face and applies lotion and chapstick 

 probably wouldn’t sleep with you cause he doesn’t want to get sick (even tho demons don’t share the same sicknesses with humans)

 but will stay in a phone call with you from his room all night and if you need anything he’s there in a heartbeat

 more medicine?

 he’s there

 but he’s so tired don’t expect him to return to his room after

Beel

 doesn’t know whats going on at first but makes an educated guess

 asks what you need instead of assuming 

 makes you lots of snacks + drinks

 i feel like he would hide your medicine in food like they do for dogs??

 idk it seems up his alley 

 also helps you with any tasks you may possibly need with

 homework? he’s on it (just don’t tell Lucifer)

 need to wash your hair but you’re too weak? all you gotta do is lean your head over the bathtub 

 he’ll take really good care of you

 would probably baby you a little tho

 like cut up your food into really small portions 

 and give you juice out of a sippy cup

 “beel where did you even find that?”

 “i-uhh—“

definitely watches movies with you until you fall asleep and stays to make sure you don’t need anything

Belphie 

probably knew you were sick before anyone else

tries to ignore it cause he totally doesn’t care

but your skin is hot!!

and you’re sweating a lot 

and your voice sounds…different?

eventually he has to give in and admit he’s worried about you

and since no one else is around he takes care of you

brings you water and medicine and offers to let you sleep in his bed

“just so I can wash your sheets! you’ll feel so much better in clean ones…”

even lets you sleep on his pillow

probably watches you sleep to make sure you’re still alive 

but can’t help and admire how peaceful you look 

pushes you to drink fluids and sleep LOTS 

and if you refuse to sleep?

well he’ll just have to make you sleep

masterlist

[elekinetic]

dear el,

i’m sorry i didn’t call you more. god, that feels like such a stupid way to start this letter, but i have a feeling this’ll mostly be apologies, so i might as well start with one.

i’m sorry that i haven’t been around as much. i’m sure mike told you that i was being a total asshole and ignoring like, everyone. and he’s right, which is stupid and i hate it, but he’s right. it was never about you, okay? i’ve just been dealing with so much shit in my own head and… well, i guess i thought it would be easier if you didn’t have to worry about me anymore. i know you were worried about me, and i know pulling away probably only freaked you out more, and i’m sorry. you deserve better than m that.

it’s weird, going through this whole thing again but without you. i keep thinking i’m gonna turn around and you’ll be there with some great plan to save the day. and i’m sorry—again—that i wish you were here. you deserve to be free of all this bullshit.

when we started hanging out last summer, i remember thinking, okay max. you’re gonna just treat her like a normal person, because no one else does. and you’re not normal, you’re like, totally cool and awesome and so brave… i just wanted to be someone you didn’t have to be brave for.

i need you to promise me something. like, actually promise me, and follow through on it. it’s my “dying wish,” or whatever.

don’t blame yourself. this is not your fault. i’m not saying that to say it, or to make you feel better, because if you’re reading this then…. well, everything’s probably really fucking shitty right now. this is not your fault. i had as much of a role in this as “vecna” did, okay? i knew what i was getting into. i need you to know that no matter what happens, you are like, my favorite person. you’re the best person i know. all you do is help people and love people, even when they don’t deserve it. i need you to promise me you’re gonna do that for you too, because you do deserve it.

and i need you to do one more thing for me. and i’m sorry that i keep telling you things i need because it feels like that’s all anyone ever asks of you, like, what can you do for them, or whatever. but that’s what i’m trying to say here.

i need you to be selfish. don’t be a hero. get the hell out of hawkins and lenora and all this small town bullshit, and make a life for yourself somewhere where you can do whatever you want. whatever you like to do. and if that’s with mike or whoever, i don’t know and i don’t care. just put yourself first.

i’m sorry i haven’t been the greatest friend lately. and i’m sorry that it’s gonna hurt you for me to not be here. i wish we had more time. but, you know, the time we did have was pretty bitchin’, right?

i miss you. i love you.

your grateful best friend,

- max

p.s. apparently the whole thing with fighting vecna is “hiding in the light,” or like, good memories. when he comes for me, im gonna be thinking about you. so, you know, even if this goes bad… you helped. just you being you. thanks.

[everythingwasnormalhere]

actually I've been thinking about it and kenny is so disability-coded???

like, even without my chronic pain headcanon, if we only take the canon material, he's incredibly disability-coded and im not sure why nobody's mentioned it before

Ok so, first thing first, south park isn't exactly known out of its community for having the best rep of... anything, actually, but anyone who's watched the show knows it has some of the best disability representation of any piece of media. Jimmy and Timmy, neither of their characters revolve around being disabled - they don't even make much fun of it! (It's south park, they have to make fun of everything). Their characters are complex, not because they're disabled, but because the writers didn't want to make them revolve around that. And if you don't believe me, please just watch the fucking show or at least their episodes (this is however not about them so I won't say much more about them, there's some pretty cool posts on this site that talk about this in more detail if you wanna read more though)

Now, onto Kenny: Kenny is a pretty cool guy. Fandom favorite, well-known even by people who don't watch south park. And besides how he's incredibly cute (like, c'mon, you heard his little "woohoo!"?), the reason why he's so famous is simple: He dies in every episode.

(well, not every ep in the latest seasons, but at the beginning he did and that's enough for me)

You might be thinking, "hey Loki, that's cool, but I have no fucking idea where this is going". And I'll tell you: his constant deaths actively avoid him doing stuff. Dying makes him spend less time with his friends, he can't take part in their shenanigans, he's generally unable to do things due to dying 24/7. Like, hell, he spent a whole season not hanging out with the guys because he was too dead for that! His friends substituted him, and he's still less-there since that happened.

This means: the impairment 'has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on their ability to carry out normal day-to-day activities'

(because he can't carry out normal day-to-day activities when he's, you know, fucking deceased)

Also, as Kenny himself says, "'Pretty cool'? Do you know how it feels like to be stabbed, to be shot, decapitated, torn apart, burned, run over? It's not 'pretty cool' Kyle! It fucking hurts!". His deaths cause him actual, physical pain. And guess what's a disability criteria?

You guessed: they have a 'physical or mental impairment'

(it "fucking hurts", I think that's physically impairing enough)

Also, his deaths have slowed down for the last few seasons, sure, but they still happen. And this is important, because they'll probably keep happening for the rest of his life - and if not, they've already lasted long enough anyway:

A 'substantial adverse effect' means more than just a minor impact on someone's life or how they can do certain things. This may fluctuate or change and may not happen all the time.'Long-term' means either:it will affect them or is likely to affect them for at least 12 months it's likely to last for the rest of their life It can still be considered long-term if the effects come and go. For example, a fluctuating condition might affect someone for a few months at a time with other times when they're not affected.

So, yeah. Kenny, canonical Kenneth McCormick, legally qualifies as disabled. But what makes him such good rep? He's still a well-loved character, not only in spite of his disability (yes, I'm calling his deaths a disability, sue me), but also because of it. Kenny is a pretty cool guy, he's cute, he's silly, he's a goddamn perv but really respectful about it too, and he dies in every episode which is actually hilarious. And about the perv part - fuck yeah, disabled character who not only isn't asexual, but is canonically the first in his friend group to do (consensual) sexual things! He's also canonically pretty desirable, he's the 7th in the List after all (and he's not just there for the girls' benefit like Clyde, Kenny is poor asf which means they genuinely find him desirable, and probably could've ended in the top 5 had it not been rigged). He's such a cool guy, and he's also disabled, and we love him for it.

Not to talk about Mysterion & PK, whose literal powers are the things that disable Typical Kenny - which, yeah, it's a bit of inspiration porn, but it's also a huge "fuck you" to god on Kenny's side. And it's not like "hey, I rose over my disability!", the moment in which Kenny talks (complains) most about it is actually when he's playing Mysterion - or it is in the show, at least. He was given bullshit, and yet he used it on his own benefit, but that didn't make the struggle disappear in his usual life - he's still disabled, no matter how much he uses it in his own favor. And we all love him for that.

I think he's actually awesome disability rep, mostly because he's accidental representation, and yet can (and in my opinion should) be read that way. Kenny McCormick is a beloved character everywhere, and he's also canonically disabled, and I love him for it.

[permetutotheworld]

unrequited marylene marlene’s pov where she writes about it

requested by @nyx-taylors-version

This is stupid i dont even know why im doing this but Lily said it would help so here we are. I like mary.

That didnt help and lily is a dirty liar

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

she smiled at me today and called me over, i dont want anyone but her to say my name ever again

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

there’s a party tonight in the tower, i’m going with Mary as friends. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does. But then again, you never know, mary’s never said she’s straight explicitly! Lily says im being delusional but a girlie’s gotta be a little crazy sometimes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

she likes a boy. Im not a boy. Ill be okay, it’s just a silly crush she means everything to me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

im need to get over Mary i can’t go on like this it hurts too much, every time she smiles at me a knife twists in my gut and im winded for a second and i hate it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

she’s leaving. Shes leaving hogwarts. Her family is leaving for america to avoid the war i cant i dont how can i i dont care.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

is it wrong to wish i’d never met her? To wish i never had the chance to fall in love like her? Probably but she’s anyway so it doesnt matter. I wish she wasnt leaving

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

she’s leaving today and i feel like im dying, everyone’s crying but i just can’t make myself, what’s wrong with me? My best friend is leaving for another continent and i can’t even being myself to shed a tear or two

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

shes gone. she left and i couldnt even look her in the eye. she was sobbing and it killed me to see her upset but i coulnd’t do anything but hug her and wish i lived in a universe where Mary Macdonald didnt like boys

and now she’s gone, and a part of me left with her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i miss her

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

three years later, 1981

mary, hi

marlene here, of course you’ll know that because of my shitty handwriting, mary i

everything’s gone to shit mary, lily and jamss are in hiding dorcas is dead gone and i miss you. Please come back don’t come back Mary its too dangerous, it would kill me if anything happened to you, you probably shouldn’t even reply to this, they’re checking all owls coming into the country, it really is a shit show over here

and mary, if anything happens to me, you’re my best friend in this world, i would do anything for you so please do this for me

stay away from britain. stay away from the war, get yourself the fuck away from all of this, even further than where you are now and live your life safely, please, i cant lose you

i have to go, peter’s knocking and it seems important

live a good life Mary Macdonald

love from

marlene

x

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

19th july 1981

the mckinnon’s were found dead early this morning by sirius black

We at the daily prophet extend our condolences to the friends and family members left behind.

[ranposgirlboss]

~late night car drives with bsd charas~

this is an idea i got while listening to depressing vocaliod songs, SO HERE WE ARE!!! these are just some hc i have about how it would go, some charas are COMPLETELY platonic!! (this is mostly platonic in the 1st place tbh) this is my first time writing on this app, and i haven't written anything online in a few years, so if the formatting is weird, PLEASE TELL ME IDK WHAT IM DOIMNHG

chara list: dazai, chuuya, poe, ranpo, and yosano

GENRE: fluff fluff fluff and sillies

enjoy!!

-----------------------------

DAZAI

-HESSS DEEEEEFFF THE TYPE TO BRING YOU ON LATE-NIGHT DRIVES!!!!!

-he would probably be going to some weird ass convenience store with you at ungodly hours in the morning 💀

-HE EITHER SINGS THE MOST DEPRESSING SONGS OR THE MOST UPBEAT SILLY SONGS THERE IS LITERALLY NO IN BETWEEN

-i feel like he would mess with you and fucking drift the car when yall turn

-lets just say you get close to dying more then once 😁

-one time when yall tried to sneak out, kunikida caught yalls asses (your ears still hurt to this day from the mouthing off you got from kunikida)

-all in all, VERY FUN TO GO OUT WITH!!! WOULD RECOMMEND IF YOU WANT CHAOS!!!! OR IF YOU LIKE ALMOST DYING 10 TIMES IN 30 MINS <3333

CHUUYA

-ok so i know i said late night CAR rides BUT CMON WHO DOESNT WANNA RIDE A COOL ASS MOTORCYCLE WITH CHUUYA!??!?!?/1

-mf has HORRIBLE ROAD RAGE!!!

-i hc that when chuuya gets really pissed and the person is super rude to him, he fucking makes their car float...LIKE FULL ON 😭

-AND THEN HELL MAKE THEM SAY SORRY

-but other then his road rage, its honestly pretty chill

-i know that he has a BANGER playlist, I JUST KNOW IT

-i fell like he'd also play around on the motorcycle a bit, BUT AT LEAST HE WOULDNT NEARLY KILL YOU UNLIKE DAZAI (눈‸눈)

-id say its pretty nice and balanced, with enough calmness to make it enjoyable for the most part, but enough thrill to keep asking him to take you out <33

RANPO

-just gonna let you know right off the bat, his ass is NOT driving 😂

-there is a high chance that he JUST woke up and started banging on your door because he had cravings and well, he ran out of his snacks...so OBVIOUSLY he had to bang on your door, its important!!!

-and even if he was completely awake...he would get yall lost so fast

-so you were driving him

-honestly? its kinda funny to see groggy ranpo walk around and try to grab what snack he wants at the convenience store when he's barely awake

-bro literally drops the bag like 5 times (you picked it up all 5 bc you kinda pitied him rn 😭)

-he basically ends up sleep walking his ass outta there

-the ride is mostly quiet, mainly because ranpo falls asleep on the way back

-imagine if you played heavy metal and woke him up

POE

-HE WOULD DRIVE WITH YOU FREQUENTLY, DUE TO HIM BEING A NIGHT OWL

-these car rides would be so peaceful

-ngl he would probably sometimes take you out just to drive with you (its not like gas is a problem for him anyways 😭)

-HE HAS SUCH A GOOD PLAYLIST OF SONGS TO JUST SIT THERE AND DAYDREAM TO

-doesnt seem like a talker tbh, he might ask you if you want to go anywhere specific, but you guys mostly just listen to music together (he saves the story telling for another time <3)

-I FEEL LIKE HE WOULD MAKE A PLAYLIST THAT LIKE KIND OF HAS A STORY LINE SO IT WOULD BE SO FUN TO DAYDREAM TO THE SONGS CUZ YOU COULD CREATE YOUR OWN STORY TO THEM

-you hold karl in your lap and pet him like you're an evil villain (cannon)

-very calming and relaxing drive <33

YOSANO

-UGH IM SO GAY FOR HER

-ngl she kinda gives dazai vibes, in terms of playlist

-there has been more than one occasion when she just drunk-drove you

-LUCKILY YALL DONT DIE??!?!?!??! HOLY FUCK

-shes a small talker, OR A GOSSIPER WHILE YALL DRIVE

-yall just have so much fun talking about the ada and everything that's going on there <333

-would scream the lyrics to any 2010's throwback song, while having a (hopefully) safe dance party

-very fun to be around, and even though she drunk drives, shes def safer then dazai

-----------------------

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS!!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

PLEASE SEND ME REQS I BEG OF YOU

[wilsons-three-legged-siamese]

another fic of mine woah 😩

fandom; house md

can be interpreted as non slah or slah between house/wilson

summery; wilson is dying, being taken care of a person. but wilson cant remember who they are.

word count; 1.3k

tw; major character death.

a/n: i dont have ao3 so it shall not be put up on there. if it is notify me, ill say if i have given permission as if someone asks i probably will say yes.

this was based on the song "rises the moon - liana flores"

rises the moon.

days seem sometimes as if they'll never end.

its august. the 20th if we're being exact. coming to the close of summer and the opening of autumn, usually being my favourite time of the year. cozy sweaters, warm socks and scarfs, the perfect weather. usually sunny with a nice breeze. well, i wish i could enjoy it. instead, im stuck in bed, my breathing laboured and my body shaking. though, this year, summer was my favourite.. june. i really enjoyed that, when i could walk without aid and just, enjoy life. ever since mid july, ive been deteriorating quicker than an abandoned building, which has been agonising. i want the pain to go away, please. it hurts..

but i dont want to die.

from the bedroom, i hear the singing voice again, a soothing melody. their voice smooth and deep. i sigh softly, it being a sort of comfort for me, knowing at least someone was there and i wasn't alone. their humming and muffled singing drowns out the continuous beeping of the heart monitor besides me. they had stolen the machine after faking being ill in a walk-in clinic, once the doctor had done to complain to the dean about them being an ass, they smuggled the monitor and brought it back. the good ol' days hm? that day was probably the most ive complained and laughed for a long, long time.

a mass than sat on the bed, the weight shifting slightly on the mattress. i ket out an involuntary groan, my back being slightly unsupported.

"hey, i made some broth for you.. its 1, and i think you should at least try and drink it for me," they murmured.

the bowl, of what i assume was broth, was set down on the small table besides me. soon enough, long, lanky arms were wrapped around my middle, gently pulling me up to sit up. wait.. what time did they say again.. 1 was it? only.. 1?

the sun digs its heels to taunt you.

the rim of the bowl was scarcely pressed to my lips, the bowl being slightly hot. i signal them to tip it a little so i can take a sip. and so i do. and holy shit..

thats fucking amazing.

the warm, soupy liquid runs down my throat, a sort of feeling i dont get that often, especially being warm. the way he flavours mix together is phenomenal, the spices and the subtle beef. its flavourful, but not enough to freak my taste buds out, which happens all too often now.

"is it okay?" they ask, their voice soft and gentle.

i hum with a slight nod.

but after sunlit days, one thing stays the same:

rises the moon.

days fade into a watercolour blur.

its been.. maybe a week? my sense of time is so off, it could be a week for a few days.. lets say its been a few days - to make me feel better. im now slipping in and out of consciousness, which is concerning in itself. i dont know how long im out for at a time. theyve been becoming more and more worried about me. i mean, there was always an elephant in the room, hell even when i was first diagnosed. but, the elephant has been growing larger and larger than before, making it hard to ignore. we have to adress it sometime.

but its hard to breathe.

then im awoken by a coughing fit.

it shakes my whole body, racking everything as i shut my eyes tight, desperately trying not to wake them up behind me. but, of course they woke up, they always do. i tried to savour the two, lanky but muscular arms around my abdomen, as they were warm and comforting, but soon, all i could feel was pain.

"are you okay?" they ask, their voice still a bit groggy from sleep.

i hum, my voice still hoarse even though i barely made a sound.

this just reminds me of them, i swear something to do with an infarction to the leg. but i cant quite remember.. or remember them.. their face is slightly recognisable, but not by a lot at all. my memorys been wracked up.. pisses me off, i wanna know whos caring for me. i wanna thank them, using their name, recogising their face.

memories swim up and haunt me.

"hmm.. mm!" i hum, trying to catch their attention.

they run over, quickly turning me on my side and holding the bucket to my mouth. i start to cry as i retch, vomiting harshly into the bucket, they rub my back gently, mumbling words of encouragement and reassurance softly to me. finally, i stop. glancing down at the small puddle of bile and saliva, i frown slightly.

look into the lake, shimmering like smoke.

i look into their eyes. my, coffee like brown into their, ocean like blue. scared and helpless meet concerned and determined. they run their skinny, pianist fingers through my frail hair. they always wanted to care for me, secretly.

rises the moon.

"close your weary eyes, i promise you that soon the autumn comes to darken faded summer skys." they pause for a moment. "breathe, breathe, breathe."

almost immediately after hearing that, i start to cry, just a full on breakdown. they quickly embrace me, wrapping their arms around my middle. i dig my face into theit shoulder, tears still rolling down my pastey cheeks. its nice.

oh to be hugged like this again.

days pull you down just like a sinking ship.

its been a day? maybe.. i dunno anymore. it might've been 2, 3, 4 a week, who knows - not me thats fot sure. it might be september now, i last remember it was august, that seems like yesterday. them, my carer, whatever, i dont know their name anymore. i dont know who they are, i cant see.. its all blurry and fuzzy, so is my memory. i cant remember the last time i ate..

floating is getting harder.

"im sorry.." they mumble, their voice snapping me out of my thoughts - though it was barely above a whisper.

their thin fingers run through my hair again, gently letting it fall between the gaps and repeating.

oh, i forgot to mention, i also cant speak.. or breathe for that matter. i think the tumor - or tumors more like - have begun to press against my trachea and esophagus, making his hard to both eat and breathe. wheezing has become a normal, daily routine.

considering my condition,

i have tonight,

and thats it.

because of my fate, i keep repeating a phrase i once said to a child as they went through chemo. they had no parents, i was the best thing they had..

but thread the water, child, and know that meanwhile: rises the moon.

days pull you up just like a daffodil.

its the next day, i think. its really hard to just think. the weezings gotten worse, i feel awful, like horrendous. its awful... maybe i am ready to die. i can just subtly feek them holding my fraile hand, stroking their thumb over my knuckles. only barely. im scared, terrified more like. i dont even know who they are, but im scared for them.. they'll miss me definitely. what will they do when im gone? i dont know..

uprooted from its garden.

once again, i feel consciousness slip from underneath me. which is normal, very. but this wasn't normal.. i could still hear.

"they'll tell you what you owe," they mumble. "but know even so, rises the moon."

i try to smile, a small twinge of my lips. but nothing happens. i try to tell them i love them, but again, nothing happens.

"you'll be visited by sleep. i promise that the autumn comes to steal away each dream you keep." they choke back a sob.

"breathe, breathe, breathe." houses voice sobs.

they're house.

but its too late to tell him i love him.

[arechickensreal]

could you do a toaster x trans masc reader who got their period and gets dysphoria from it? thank you if you do we for this ask

Anon yr literally in my head what the flip. Im transmasc and got this ask the DAY my period started ;; but anyways uh the pain is real. as of writing this i'm sitting in english class, supposed to be writing an essay, but instead i'm dying of cramps in my little corner of the classroom. Writing this for 4 u and very much for me lmao. Thank u anon. Enjoy the hcs. Might write a fic, who knows? Fuck around n find out in the next episode  Non-transmasc readers can read this too, just ignore the parts that are specific to transmasc readers lol.

✿ NakedToaster x Transmasc reader on his period ✿

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Ngl. he doesn’t really exactly know what to do at first, but he eventually figures out what’s up.

But he’ll ask you what you need him to do, or if you want him to do anything. 

He knows that you get a lot of dysphoria from it, and he tries to be as comforting as they can

Assures you that it doesn’t make you any less of a man, and you're still a man regardless. You'll always be his wonderful boyfriend, and he’ll be here for you. 

He makes it a point to use lots of affirming language to help comfort you about your dysphoria

Calling you things like ‘my handsome boy’ ‘man’ ‘dude’, etc, etc. 

When you’re cuddling, he’ll try and make sure to avoid touching spots that you're dysphoric about because he doesn’t wanna make you uncomfortable.

But he always offers to cuddle at night if you’re having cramps

They’ll hold you close, with his hands over your stomach in some sort of attempt to ease the pain. 

He’ll probably go out to the store and buy you anything and everything you need

We all know he loves to spoil you. 

But during your period? Oh he pampers you. Like A LOT. 

He knows you're a bit more sensitive/vulnerable during this time, and he knows how bad your dysphoria can get too during this time, too. 

Orders food that he knows you like and/or find comforting. Hes not too confident in his cooking, so he just orders.

Does anything you ask, and it is always there at your call. 

Makes sure you have everything you need. Comfy clothes, heating pads, water, snacks, all that.

If it's REALLY bad, they’ll even see if they can stay and work from home just to stay there with you. 

The thought that it’s digging into his raid hours crosses his mind, but his boyfriend is more important. 

He probably does some research into how to help, and things that could be gender affirming for you, etc.

Makes you tea

He's just generally really understanding and supportive with you. He hates seeing you hurting and dysphoric, so he just wants to help. 

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Rules for Requests/Asks || Masterlist || Send asks/requests here!

[mopeymi]

You Have Terrible Morals and Obligations - Soap/Ghost

Setup: Part 1

Soap doesn’t think much of it when Ghost is sent on a solo mission in the middle of nowhere. Soap doesn’t think much of it when Ghost misses a few mission briefs, knowing the man was probably focusing hard on the mission. Soap doesn’t think much of it when Ghost is gone for a week over the scheduled time, especially not when the Captain assures him everything is fine.

It wasn’t until Price called the entire Task Force into his office, a solemn look on his face and files spread haphazardly around his desk, that Johnny thought too hard about everything. Price didn’t even have to say the words for him to know why Ghost wasn’t there: Simon “Ghost” Riley, MIA.

It took the Task Force weeks to recover, Price assuring the team he had people on the job and that the 141 were needed elsewhere. All John could think about was Simon. Every waking thought and action was consumed by him. His sleep consisted of nightmares; Ghost being tortured, strung up and bleeding. Mask being pulled off to reveal Simon underneath and all his composure crumbling. The man dying and Soap not being too late, blowing up entryways to make his grandiose rescue only to discover that Simon was beyond repair and would die in his arms.

Price assigned John to a therapist. He thought it dumb at first, but quickly learned just how needed it was. He made steady progress. First the nightmares dwindled down, then everyday items stopped reminding his of Simon. Soon he was able to join the Task Force again in full capacity. He learned to treasure the time he had with Ghost, the things he learned from him and the platonic (romantic) love he felt between them. Soap even bought his own skull mask and painted it red so he still had some semblance of Ghost with him on missions.

Things were going well. He grew closer with Gaz, Price more fatherly than ever. John even went on an actual vacation to Mexico, spending some of his time with Ale and Rudy.

Life was good again.

Until Soap walked into Price’s office, getting ready for a new mission briefing, and there stood Ghost. Ghost, who wore a simple black tee and sweats, completely unscathed. Ghost who, besides an exhausted expression was fine.

He nodded at Soap, a soft ‘Johnny’ falling from his lips. Soap could only stare, his mouth agape and vision blurring from unshed tears, “W-wha-how? When??” Was all he could stutter out before crumbling to the floor, body shaking with sobs of emotions the therapist told him to bury.

“Breath, son, breath,” He could hear Price say as the man knelt to his side. Soap pushed him off, barely noting the hurt expression on Price’s face cause he couldn’t care less in that moment.

“You’re alive?!” He shouted, face turning from sadness to anger in a matter of seconds.

“It was for a mission, Soap. No one could know I was alive.” Ghost tried to explain. It was obvious the man was out of his depth with this amount of emotion.

Soap stood then, puffing out his chest and aggressively wiping his tears away, “Fuck you. Both of you.” He spat, turning on his heels to get out of that room as soon as humanely possible.

He could hear the two men calling after him, but he didn’t care.

Im thinking of continuing this: Would y’all read it? 🤔

With enthusiasm from readers (and myself honestly) I have posted another part!! Teehee 🤭

[corporatefrog]

꒦‧₊ ꒷ HEADCANNONS: team craig reacting to yn being in the hospital✧.*

✧.* tags: superhero au, college au ✧.* Characters: tolkien blacl, craig tucker, tweek tweek, clyde donavan, jimmy valmer a/n: I got around to sharing team craig! i'm so happy everyone liked the previous one and I hope you enjoy this one just as much!

masterlist

Craig

He’d act very apathetic about the whole situation when you told him

“I’m going to be in the hospital for the next week, I got into an accident during a villain attack and hit my head pretty bad.”

“Oh wow. That’s a bummer.”

“Yeah, can you grab my homework for me?”

“Eh… I’ve got some things going on tomorrow.”

He doesn’t want to see you hurt 

So he just avoids going

As long as he doesn’t physically SEE you, you can’t really be hurt, right?

Clyde drags him to the hospital to visit you 

After that he’s visiting everyday until you’re discharged 

Then sits with you to pass the time since you can’t look at screens until you’re healed

Definitely shows you his astronomy books

(lowkey very happy to have someone who listens to his interests instead of dealing with south park’s bullshit of the day but he’ll never say it)

Tweek 

Let’s be honest we ALL know what he’d do

And it’s not sit down, have a cup of tea and wait to for you to be discharged

He’s running into the automatic door before he can open

Probably ends up in the hospital WITH you by the time he makes it to your room

“WHAT HAPPENED”

“I literally texted you”

“I tried to read it but my hand wouldn’t stop shaking so I decided to get here as fast as possible but then my bike hit a curb so I had to run all the way over.”

“Jesus fuck dude, you need this bed more than me.”

“NO DONT GET UP YOUR BLOOD WILL GO EVERYWHERE”

“Im literally being discharged rn”

You being hurt means that HE can get hurt

Starts showing up to EVERYTHING covered in bubble wrap

He looks like that kid from home alone except with bubble wrap 

Craig blames you

“Bro my car was literally crushed by the fucking coon how is that my fault”

“You didn’t coon-proof your car and now Tweek’s going to be freaking out for the next month”

Tolkien

Probably the only one with a NORMAL reaction

You send him a text that you were in the hospital and he says he’ll be over once he’s out of class

Real normal stuff

Normal until he gets to the hospital

You can’t tell it’s him through the balloons and flowers and stuffed animals

“Why does the bear have a card that says ‘We’ll beat Cancer together’?”

“I didn’t know what was wrong so I grabbed one of everything.”

You were knocked out when a piece of debris hit your head during a villain attack

You need to go back to work to make money for rent?

Nah he covered your rent for the month. And utilities. And filled your fridge.

What’s the point of being rich if you can’t help your friends when they’re hurt? 

He’d do it for anyone!

(anyone meaning you and butters. Maybe kyle if he’s in a good mood. Only redeemable souls in the whole town)

Clyde

Acting like you’re DYING the moment you tell him

You could literally have a sprained ankle and he’s sobbing like you’ve got a day to live

“I know i wasn’t always the best friend in the world but I care about you so much!”

“That’s great clyde, can we talk about this tomorrow though?”

“You’re so strong. Acting like everything’s okay.”

Watching the area around you like a HAWK for the next month incase there are any dangers

What if you get hurt again??

Wants you to stay home for a month after you get out of the hospital 

Stands in front of your door, holding the doorknob so you can’t open it inward

But the door opens outward

So you send him falling onto his ass and start walking to class with a sobbing clyde crawling across the floor behind you

He means well though

Jimmy

Finally, the perfect audience to try his new hospital set with

He doesn’t really like hospitals since his comedy isn’t usually appreciated 

He’ll call you everyday though! And tell you everything that’s happening with your friends

It’s like having your own personal sitcom that calls you everyday

“And then craig threw his ice cream at cartman’s face and made him the true mint chocolate chip.”

“PFFFT! God i love your commentary”

“What can i say, you’re a great audience!”

“Can you just call me everyday and recap the day?”

“Wow, my mom always told me i’d be famous but this is getting a little wild”

Even if he’s worried, he’s not going to say anything.

He wants to boost your mood since he knows hospitals have rancid vibes

He’s the first one to visit you once you’re back at home and he’s got PAGES of recaps to share with you

[hyunsvngs]

Ik this is weird but how skz would react/help with your period I’m on mine and I need comfort so here 😞

mine is due in a week and i'm pmsing like CRAZZYYY so i know what u mean. not weird at all periods are natural <3333

channie - god he'd be so sweet. spoiling you, sm sm choccies to make you feel better <3 kisses everywhere, just one big hand rubbing on your tummy. chan has a younger sister sooo he knows what it's like :(( cutie era fr. if he had to work he'd take you to the studio, making u sit on his lap while he carried on kissing ur cheek inbetween work and rubbing over ur tummy !!

minho - i'm imagining minho's normally indifferent persona SHATTERING when you're in pain. he doesn't understand your pain, how could he!! he's never had one lmfao. he tucks you up in bed with a hot water bottle tho, getting soongie, doongi and dori to come and cuddle u til u feel better <3 god and imagine them all loafing on ur hot water bottle LMFAO that's so cute

changbin - another baby who has a sister and knows the pain!!! i imagine binnie would be SO dramatic lmfao you're not lifting a FINGER for the whole time. he's bringing you breakfast in bed, wrapping u in a lil blanket burrito. he'd love if you let him run out to grab you chocolates, sweets and pads/tampons too, making sure you're fully pampered omg :(

hyunjin - dramatic. SO dramatic. you're getting everything. sheet masks together, painkillers whenever you need. probs takes a whole day off schedules so he can watch films with you!! just looking after u always, has an entire drawer full of period stuff for u too, hot water bottles, extra blankets, painkillers, pads&tampons!! just an allover cutie

jisung - im ngl he probs thinks ur dying. he's heard about periods and he's distraught. they HURT?? U BLEED? nah. he's terrified. treats you like you're dying, one cramp and he's asking if he needs to phone the hospital. ur like no jisung it's not that deep. he's still shitting himself tho. shows u cute baby seal documentaries on his phone and tries to distract you from the pain when u let him know its REALLY not that serious.

felix - he's probably the most knowledgable <3 if you want to be left alone to lay in bed, he's doing it. if you want cuddles, he's doing it. he knows periods can give you mood swings so he's completely ready for anything you throw at him!! and if he bakes you extra brownies to make you feel better, who's to know!! not so much of a pamperer as much of an understander, just knows what you need and is ready to be there<3

seungmin - OK sue me but.. he's giving period sex. like oh u know what'd help with cramps? spread ur legs. IDK SEUNGMINS JUST RLLLY GIVING THIS VIBE. other than that though, definitely kisses ur tummy and sues u if u tell the others that he was affectionate to u on main.

jeongin - oh god poor baby he'd probably be terrified too. but i think he'd be so so smug when you went to him for cuddles, complaining your tummy hurts. he'd be all "aww, my baby needs me!" like yeah, innie, stfu!! he'd be so smug that you want him when you're feeling so poopy and low and he'd love to comfort u but would still be doing that stupid fucking smile.

[likesomanywrecksdo]

OKAY BEFORE I GO CRAZY

let's do my favourite thing and talk about TIMELINESSSS yayyyy(i wish for the sweet release of death) yyyyyyyyy.

These frames come in the episode 'Apology Tour'. This episode will be majorly focused on Blitzø mending his relationship with Verosika while simultaneously showing the downfall of them as a couple. So after recapping all the events that led to the two falling apart. At this point, we see Blitzø be a horrible person to Verosika in the flashback for no reason while we see Blitzø make genuine efforts to get her to forgive him as a way of feeling better about everything that happened on the Full Moon. Verosika being the person (ahem badass ahem) she is, does not forgive him. This causes Blitzø to cry and basically break down away from everyone (this is gonna be painful) . Sooner or later he has no choice but to take his place in the audience where he sees Verosika sing a disstrack about him onstage.

This is where Stolas comes in. There is a frame in the trailer of him singing with him wearing a similar outfit to the one shown above (HE'S WEARING A LITTLE CROWN I'M DEAD) with Verosika and her crew on her tour as we can see Tex on stage as well. The exact scene above is probably after his emotional ballad when everyone's cheering and shit. He gives a smile to the audience and Blitzø is looking at him like he's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen and finally makes the revelation that he wants to be better for Stolas and sees him in a whole new light.

speaking of lights, IT'S TIME TO OVERANALYSE THE FUCKING BACKGROUND COLOURS.

1st frame: the background of Blitzø's solo frame is a dull pinkish-red as opposed to the fiery red that is usually seen to be associated with Blitzø. The dullness represents how he has completely fallen from grace, he is weak and vunerable and everything he doesn't want to be. He is at a stage where his life is so bad and his fear of dying alone only grows day by day that cannot bottle up his sadness anymore (this also explains the hoodie over his business suit, like this is really just how damaged he is).

2nd frame: The fiery red that was once associated with Blitzø is the primary colour in the background of Stolas' first frame along with some orange and yellow thrown in there. The background of this frame is how Blitzø used to see Stolas, as an extension of his own trauma and someone who he could have control over.. A means to an end, both emotionally and for his business. Even though he felt this way, the orange and yellow prove something we always knew. Blitzø had feelings for him way before this point. Blitzø put Stolas on a pedestal because he was a royal and was important and had so much power over him. Which is something that Blitzø hated and loved at the same time. So the red is for how Blitzø felt confident around him and the orange and yellow is for the pedestal Blitzø put Stolas on because of his stature.

3rd frame: fuckkkkkkkkk. In this frame, Blitzø entire perception of Stolas has changed. The frame shows blue, purple, pink and green in the background, colours that represent Stolas as an individual and not a means to an end. This frame is not Blitzø realising he has feelings for Stolas, that happened a long time ago. This frame is Blitzø realizing WHO stolas is. This frame solves the conflict put up in "Western Energy" where Blitzø was of the opinion that Stolas in impenetrable. Blitzø is realising that Stolas can be hurt and that he was the one who hurt him. He's realising that even though Blitzø hurt Stolas, Stolas will always love him and Stolas has always loved him. UNFORTUNATELY, this realisation is not enough for Blitzø to talk to or approach Stolas because in Blitzø's mind, the revelation means only one thing; that Blitzø is not good enough for Stolas, in a completely different way than before.

SO IM FUCKING DONE WITH APOLOGY TOUR AND IT HASN'T EVEN COME OUT. HOW.

[someforeignband]

WIP Wednesday 🪽

why do one when we can have both,,,, :) !! tw: im soft launching some destiel under the cut lmaooo this work is meant to be a sort of dean winchester character study. (non-magic/non-supernatural AU, canon divergence, human Castiel, rural midwest setting)

this is from my small wip I Can’t Let Go (When Something’s Broken) — you can listen to the song it’s based on here.

“He can’t help it— that he lost his mind,” she’d said, like it was all supposed to make sense, like it was supposed to just explain everything. 

It didn’t feel like it explained anything. 

Everything had been a lie. The last eighteen years had been some big, huge, fucking lie.

And, Dean supposes that’s just how it is. The gag is that there isn’t some kind of man behind the curtain. There’s no invisible man. There’s no thing that goes bump in the night. It was all a lie. A delusion. 

It’s all that sad sort of twisted thing that makes the heap of dirty clothes piled up on your desk chair in the corner of your bedroom look like a burglar. 

But, the sun rose.

And now, Dean had to deal with the reality that it was just a pile of laundry on a desk chair. 

The burglar doesn’t exist. 

It’s just a fucking pile of clothes on a chair. 

Dean couldn’t stop thinking about the look on his Nonna’s face when she’d told him, told him about Dad and how he and Sam would have to pack up their clothes and move in. 

And yeah, now he’s laying in a bed with a real mattress and it’s so comfortable, but he still has his fucking shoes on. It’s three meals a day, and it’s starting Senior year in Schuyler, Nebraska with a roof over his head. It’s not having to load a gun and shove it deep in the bottom of your backpack. It’s not turning over your shoulder every three seconds. It’s getting to worry about making friends for the first time, knowing you’re staying put. It’s a hand-knitted blanket, and getting to wear sneakers, not worrying about wearing the tread off of the bottom. 

But—

It was all a pile of laundry. 

Eighteen years for a pile of dirty laundry on a desk chair. 

The box spring in the attic squeaks a lot. It’s weird sleeping without Sam in the room. Most nights thus far, he’s sort of just lied awake and stared at the ceiling. Sometimes, he still forgets to take his shoes off when he gets into bed. 

Force of habit. 

Quietly, even though he doesn’t have to be anymore, Dean toes off his shoes. They’re new and they sort of hurt his ankles, they’re not quite broken in yet. 

“We couldn’t wait to get you both back,” Pap had said when he smoothed Sam’s hair back, kissing his forehead like he was 4 and not 14. He’d kissed Dean’s forehead, too. But, it was forced, Dean knew it. 

His head is so shiny and bald, Dean chuckles quietly to himself, trying to shake off the memory. He doesn’t have to be quiet. Doesn’t have to be careful, or vigilant, or alert. 

The shoes he kicked off hit the floor with a loud thud. Dean can’t help but cringe, the ghost of his breath crawling up and dying in his throat. Quickly, he sucks in air again. He had to break that. 

His socked feet wiggle around under the flannel sheets. It got cold at night here, even in September. Turning on his side, he reluctantly closes his eyes, trying to will sleep to come. 

Sam seemed to be adjusting fine, which Dean was grateful for. He wanted his little brother to be happy. 

“You look so much like your mother, Dean,” Nonna had made a passing comment that night at dinner. It knocked around in Dean’s mind as he lay there, trying to sleep. 

And it was funny, the scariest part of everything wasn’t that it was all a lie. Well—that was a little frightening. But, it was more than that. 

If there wasn’t some boogeyman waiting to jump out after the pair of them, then Dean supposed there wasn’t somebody out there just waiting to save them, either. 

In the corner of his room, his duffel was open, clothes strewn about, piled tall and disorganized on a folding chair which probably once belonged to a desk.

[trainingdummyrabbit]

oooooooobhhhh...... would it be alright if you talked abt ur ocs......... if it's not a bother.......

stands here like some sort of beast . this took me two days. im so sorry. inhales

i can absolutely talk abt my ocs yeah :D never ever a bother!!

this is rose and wolfe! theyre two of my lobcorp ocs whom i love very dearly :] they (and the rest of their group) have their own lil story going on, but i say that very loosely bc im just having fun honestly ^_^ and they sure do love making decisions that make that Rather Difficult For Me. but alas, anyhow,

this is inevitably going to get Pretty Fucking Long! (post-post edit. ~35 paragraphs.) so if youre prepared for that. 👍 yippy!! anyway hope you like fucked up little lesbians bc here we go

im probably going to be retreading ground here a bit bc im gonna try and take it from the top, but also because i dont remember what ive said and what i havent so ill just say whatever i remember ^_^

the basic gist of th storyline is that its kind of a pseudo-murdermystery but instead of dying u get turned into some sort of beastie ! ^_^ aka 'nobody knows what the distortion phenomenon is yet and are kinda too busy freaking out about it to notice headquarters exploded last week'. dont worry about that.

slaps notes on the table. this is gonna be really messy and maybe kinda incomprehensible but its ok bc this is just how its going to be. hope this helps.

OK LISTEN. they started out as one thing and then slowly kinda turned into something else and theyve been haunting me for months but they make talking about them Literally Impossible because of how much they just. fucking cling to each other, narratively. its impossible. they make everything so fucking difficult.

wolfe is some offshoot of a take on those Edgy Playground Wolf Ocs that you see a lot in middle school-- or well, thats the root of it. she was always going to be played fully seriously, but everyone was kinda written more silly-like towards the beginning anyhow. yknow, one of those 'orphan lab experiment who pretty much had to take care of themself and really hates people, with Cool Mysterious Powers theyre really conflicted about' type characters. and honestly a lot of that still sticks, really.

she presents herself in a kind of over-the-top way to try and get people to take her seriously and leave her alone, but honestly its just kind of . offputting.. in a way, shes kind of a stand-in for what its like to be a teenager (neurodivergence notwithstanding). sometimes the only thing you can do to get people to listen to you is to make a scene and yell really loud! and everyone will always discredit it as just something that happens while growing up, being "disobedient" because you want attention or want to be rebellious and contrary, but everything you feel IS real and it DOES hurt and nobody BELIEVES you so all you can do is yell LOUDER. its all theyll respond to. (and all it does is make people double down on what they think of you.)

wolfe is a character that is honestly kind of genuinely a bit extra, a little bit embarrassing, but very genuine. a lot of her life was spent not being able to decide what happened to her physically; just kinda pulled and prodded around whether she liked it or not; (again, the whole orphan lab experiment thing was never a lie.) and thrashing around is really all she can do about it. be inconvenient, irritating, hard to deal with; any small victory, any little foothold would do. unfortunately, most of what that's ever done is make things harder for herself. (she hates being expected to be something convenient to others, yet in her attempts to cast it away, forms her worldview to the dichotomy they set up around her. curious !)

so you have this fucked up lil thing and drop her into an lcorp facility. great superb fantastic. n then you give her some ego gear and it messes her up Big Time because guess what, her body is all sorts of fucked up and is Not reacting well with this whole thing, causing it to quite literally Stick and all those 'mild' side effects are now 'major' side effects and everyones Fussing over you again because youre an Anomaly and you Dont get any rest and youre still getting used to a body and mind that isnt Quite what it was before and you Cant leave since they need to figure out whats going on here and Oh God Fucking Damn It Its Again.

so its pretty fair that shes being Like That about the whole thing all things considered.

at this point shes just trying to make it through day by day without someone prodding her about something or another, just stop Staring at her already, fuck off. just one foot in front of the other and try not to think about it too hard. thumbsup 👍 more often than not she works alone; not just because of her own decisions, but also did you know cobalt scar gets a boost on low hp for the exchange of activating friendly fire? pretty crazy. shes kinda reckless and bound to get herself hurt anyway, so it doesnt really Change anything to just kinda.. send her out there without backup. not like she works well with others anyway, right? itd be pretty dangerous to pair her up with someone n all. yknow.

it kinda sucks, yknow? at this point shes so fucking tired of The Everything that honestly she just wants to get in and get out as quickly as possible without having to deal with any nonsense. shes still really pissed off about the entire Situation, still trying to keep any small bit of autonomy she gets to have, but like. well. sometimes it really is easier to just Do Your Job And Leave. finish your tasks and not think about it and not bother with anyone and fuck off until you have to do it again. thats how it always wouldve been anyway, right? easy. annoying. so, so annoying. god she fucking hates it here.

so anyway, rose. she sucks. she doesnt, but i have to say it every time i talk about her Or Else. shes the reason i have such a hard time talking about The Everything. and also why i had to rewrite this and take Two Days getting to it. she is just. So Much. shes an idiot. shes too smart for her own good. she would fit right in as a YA novel protagonist. this is all stalling on trying to explain what the hell is wrong with her.

honestly on a surface level shes pretty chill all things considered. mostly stays in her lane, gets along with people pretty easily, just kinda goes here, pretty good at small talk. she loves listening to people. she Loves listening to people. the problem. she isnt lying, per se, about her entire Presentation and general manner of being, but she isnt really honest either. shes disingenuous. kind of.

rose as a character is Very aware of how people act, and why they choose what they do in what situations. as such, she has gotten very good at Acting A Part rather than actually Living It. she loves listening to people because she wants to know who they are. not in a "i want to get to know my coworkers ^_^" type of way but in a "writing down all your character traits and quirks to record your habits" type of way. a weird sort of genre-awareness. she is very Very easily able to track exactly what type of person someone is and adjust the way she acts around them to... any sort of effect she wants to, honestly. mostly its just quelling dumb spats and getting people to stop being stupid like people tend to do, but every so often she isnt exactly averse to just kinda... messing with people. only a little! but she Could, if she Wanted to. which she doesnt. because shes nice.

rose sees interpersonal interaction as a complex 'game'. not by that name, but by that function. everyone always Expects something, in engaging with another, and all it really is at its core is getting what you want without giving too much ground. to figure out who the Other is without them figuring out who You are. its a competition. to understand what another person Is is what gives you the advantage. to know is to win, to be known is to lose. keep your cards as close to your chest as you can, and they cant control you. easy. its something everyone Does, but only a few acknowledge. she was just good enough to learn.

but like, admittedly, shes very chill. shes literally nice? like yeah all that but she is literally nice. shes fine. shes like... fine? shes all right. like Yeah it sounds bad when you put it like that but she is literally nice.

rose plays a lot with the idea of Symbol. shes a fully realized person, yeah, but she was never Expected to be. she exists mostly as a formality, and she knows thats all that was really expected of her. she was there to Fulfill An Ideal and little else; so she reaches for what she can when she can. be Sweet and Simple and Pretty-- that's all. and she isnt, she knows this, but it sure does make things simple when thats all people know of you. (impossible for people to dig for information people dont think exists.)

a flower in a broken vase unsure if its defined by the petals or the holes. shes someone intrinsically frustrated by the rules that define her, but is unable to comprehend a self without it. clinging to it because its the sole point of control she feels she can Have over things, but wishing to cast it aside to self realize and prove that shes worth the time of day to acknowledge. (she doesnt care what her caretakers thought of her, but still she defines her actions based on their idea of her. curious !)

so you have these two in the general vicinity of one another right.

rose initially interacts with wolfe as almost a game. a test, even. just to see if she could get anything out of the weird one that sulks in a corner by themself, refusing to interact with anyone. shes just curious, yknow? and wolfe, obviously, takes this about as well as you think she would. dont you have better things to do?? stop asking about my fucking hobbies. ..rose could always count on her for a reaction.

wolfe was very, Very resistant to playing along much at all. she thought that giving just simple brush-off responses would get her to get the hint that it wasnt worth bothering, but then rose would come back with more questions building off of whatever they'd talked about, just... idly talking at her. a frequent annoyance turning into just. consistent background noise. yeah this might as well be happening. but even still, the amount of things that rose remembered and considered and genuinely seemed to listen to kind of caught her off guard. it was... weird. it was really really weird.

it wasnt really all that hard to read what wolfe was feeling at any given moment. it was kind of funny, honestly, especially with how she tended to present herself. (honestly, how did everyone else just Miss all of this?) but after some time, rose was surprised to find that she started to just... speak to her frankly. it was stark, only every so often, almost as if she didnt realize the shift in her own tone. its around then that rose started piecing things together herself and... oh. ohh. (how did everyone just miss all of this?)

Bad News Motherfuckers! Its Fucking Over For Both Of You! wolfe finds someone who is genuinely willing to listen to her on the sole drive of simply Understanding Her, rather than wanting something in exchange, wanting something From her; and rose. god. she finds a reflection of exactly what she wishes she couldve been, things she couldve done, were she not shaped into what she Is. an understanding of something she'd never acknowledged, never knew was there, but was there with her the entire time. someone with a clear understanding of what they are, willing to fight tooth and nail to keep it, regardless of what anyone or anything else tries to do with them. things that the narrative constantly tries to take from them; things that rose wants so desperately to let wolfe keep.

so yknow, girl things. THIS is where things get really annoying.

rose seemed to enjoy messing with wolfe just for fun, but honestly shes just kinda taken by her honesty. she doesnt ever seem to have any ulterior motives when shes around her, she just… is. and does. because she wants to. rose honestly isnt really sure how to handle someone who isnt just… mildly bluffing at all times, especially about connection. that level of vulnerability is scary to her. so she teases her. she expects her being flustered-- and she is-- but still, she finds herself caught off guard by wolfe's earnestness.

even so, rose catches herself being far more open than she intends to be-- accidentally, at first, against her better judgement, but then tentatively, almost as if to test the waters. just how much could she show of herself and still uphold that trust? how many red flags can she put up before wolfe notices? no, that was unfair. before it becomes unforgivable. before it recontextualizes her. she cares, yes, genuinely and deeply so. (but what does that mean, coming from her?) she wants wolfe to be safe. (im asking you to leave.)

wolfe and rose both trust each other to a degree that they dont trust many others. its the passive understanding that theyre very much alike, and the even more silent knowledge that they want better for each other; in a roundabout way of knowing that they themselves deserved better, no matter how much they insist otherwise.

theyre very genuine with each other in a way that kind of surprises themselves. neither of them quite know what theyre doing, nor do they want to put a name to something so fleeting, but… its there.

wolfe desperately wants to be closer to rose, but hates that she desires that vulnerability. (it was always rather dangerous, showing your hand like that.) its an annoying fondness, constantly prickling at the back of her head any time rose is even remotely relevant. even when she isnt. shes kind of haunted. shes very defensive of her in a way she honestly doesnt realize until someone points it out. it just comes naturally to her. (whats the difference between a guard dog and an attack dog again..? (is she really ready to deal with the implications of this? is this not just having another will enacted on you? how does she really feel about that?))

rose, meanwhile, is… actually also conflicted. she likes wolfe. this is obvious. it wasnt intended, and she can roll with it, but it's… complicated. she handles it a lot more analytically. she notices when wolfe takes a step forward, and matches it in turn. equivalent exchange, and all. show that youve noticed, that you care, that youre paying attention. (i think she may be afraid. despite her presentation, she's afraid.)

she acknowledges the feeling of desire in this bond-- she wants wolfe to be able to live outside of others' influence. desperately. (if she cant, then…) she refuses to acknowledge what this says of Herself, though. but most importantly, she knows how easy it would be to simply take the role of someone who controls her. (isnt that just what she's always done to others?) she hates the idea of becoming that. (it would be so easy.) goes out of her way to avoid influencing her in that way-- but somehow, this just makes her more distant. hesitant to touch.

and with that fear, she tends to react, again, logically. tries to solve it like a puzzle, like she always has. finds the shortest distance to a perceived goal. this makes her rather distant, disconnected-- shes trying to control her own feelings by controlling what is around it.

what this means, most importantly, is that she is unable to trust wolfe the way She trusts her. she isnt strong enough to push back against what she sees of herself, or that which she uses to protect herself. giving in to those well-walked patterns instead of being able to brave uncertainty in something that new. she hides herself because she isnt sure what will become of her-- and is too afraid to risk what may come of losing the person she suddenly deeply cares about. setting herself up to crash harder should the worst happen. because she would simply blame herself. proving herself right.

meanwhile wolfe is dealing with Actually Trusting Someone for the first time in longer than she can remember, whether she likes it or not. maybe she was being stupid. maybe this was just a foolish foray into trusting people like she’d always told herself not to do. but… but. rose just brought this sense of comfort wherever she went, this feeling of certainty.

it was never good to let your guard down, but… but just this once, she so badly wanted to. once you let these things go, it becomes harder to get them back. she knew this. and yet, all the parts of her that protested were overruled by a deep desire to simply lie down and fall asleep in that comforting feeling. how frustrating. how annoying. how dangerous. now she had someone she could not argue against. and yet, she held this advantage as if she did not know it was one she wielded, a dangerous thing held without intent. was this trust? …did she want it to be?

and so, foolishly perhaps, she decided to trust. it was a tenuous thing, unbeknownst to anyone but herself. …probably. rose did have a way of seeing right through people. but even through all that, through the Everything… it felt nice to have someone to look out for. someone to worry about, someone on your mind when there used to be nobody else but you. she’d spent so long worrying about the repercussions of leaving your back to someone, yet she’d never known the comfort of having someone do the same to you. she’d never realized how hard it was to do much of anything with fangs bared the entire way. the ache of worry was dull compared to the weight of silence. (she would give her Everything to her. all or nothing, with her. maybe this was simply part of the inevitable problem.)

hey remember the whole turning-into-creatures thing? yeah thats still happening. crazy right? anyway. The Problem.

so you have people turning into things not quite unlike abnormalities, expressions of deep fears and desires running away with what used to be a human. and youve got some fucked up little guy with a Lot of barely repressed issues thats deceptively easy to mess with and actively averse to anybody really reaching out to them whatsoever.

and then rose is trying her best to figure out whats causing all this bullshit going on, but also her . coworker. is suddenly acting Really snappy and distant and its kinda starting to make her worried and she doesnt want to push her but shes looking really rough lately and fuck. wait. god. wait. shit.

long inhale. so you have two stupid motherfuckers 100% willing to drop everything and kill everyone in this facility and then themselves if anything so much as happens to the other (but theyre super normal about it, its fine, the other doesnt have to know.) theyre so good at this interpersonal interaction thing guys they swear (dont look too close though ok haha.) theyre sooo unknowable guys theyre really pulling a fast one on everyone here. they Definitely know what to do to fix the problem forever its fine they totally get it. dont stop them.

anyway heres a bunch of images for no reason

[quietwingsinthesky]

You’d like the show Lucifer simply because the guy who plays Lucifer is hot as balls

oh you fool you have no idea the minefield you have just walked into that is my opinions on the tv show Lucifer.

for one, he’s fine, not really my type, but what was more interesting to me is what a handle he had on the character as written in the first few seasons (and hell, he had the charisma to keep me watching long after the show fell the fuck apart, if not to the very end.) Not only the charming-smug playboy aspect, but the incredible amount of anger boiling just below the surface. admittedly, lucifer’s my type of character, and not just cause he gets bonus points for being the devil, but. well. fictional characters who came out the other end of abuse not soft or easy but. fucking difficult to live with. he’s just kind of an asshole, for all his better qualities, and i love that about him.

and oh but if nothing else, i think i’d revisit s1 for just how well it Gets it. the cop show bit of lucifer was always the weakest bit, sort of rote but fun procedural drama (imo also at its best in s1 because of the tension chloe was dealing with in the workplace/with dan as a result of The Case That Went Wrong but it was never great.) but everything else? the way ‘lucifer goes to therapy’ could play both humorously and also for serious drama? that was fantastic. and s1 didn’t feel the need to pull its punches about what was happening here: this is the devil, and what god did to him was wrong and fucked him up.

which is. you know. more than the later show can say about itself or the takes it had on the dynamic between lucifer & god. (if i think about the way the show slowly began to dismiss lucifer’s trauma as it went on, how by the time we got to. what, s5? and we have a scene where god himself describes lucifer’s fall as a temper tantrum, it’s not a moment of horrifying dissonance between what we know about how lucifer was hurt vs how his father is portraying it, but a moment where we’re meant to laugh and agree, yeah, it probably was, lucifer is so dramatic and god is right. and if i think about that coinciding with the show removing lucifer’s agency in the bad shit he did do, literally just having a different character act the role of the devil and removing the whole point of a show about what the devil has to do for redemption- i get quite frustrated. is what im saying.)

s1 left scenes seared onto my fucking brain, though. the show just. Got it. in a lot of ways that i think were lost, especially after the netflix buy-out. early lucifer is so fucking good at fantastical events as allegory for abuse. i cannot get the scene of linda deadnaming him out of my head. (which is just. what’s happening. like lucifer may not canonically be trans (and their commitment to even making him pan as advertised was :/) but oh my god. we just Have a scene of him being deadnamed and its painfully fucking real.) because on the surface, we’re literally just saying fun biblical facts, hey did you know the devil was also called this, once? but the way lucifer reacts to his name, to linda trying to tell him that no maybe god did love the devil, and the way that builds up until it explodes. violently. and he just. flees. tries to literally cover it up. its a good fucking scene. someone in that writer’s room has been trapped with a therapist getting all their information from your family and not listening to you, i swear, because i don’t know how you could get it that accurately stressful without the experience.

or or or. wing scar scene can we TALK about the wing scar scene ive been dying to talk about the wing scar scene. because now it’s not only us the audience reading between the lines of the metaphor to understand lucifer but chloe herself. the wing scars are, in canon, a result of lucifer choosing to cut them off

(and we gotta at least mention what a radical crossover of self-harm and self-determination that act is, esp combined with him keeping them locked up and later burning them completely, and how later seasons dIDNT GET THE POINT AND JUST GAVE HIM THE WINGS BACK YOU DONT GET IT- (they almost did. too. one of the best moments later is amenadiel finding the many, many wings lucifer has to keep cutting off of himself because they grow back. it’s body horror, it’s one of the few moments where we get to see lucifer’s wings being back as the violation of his self and autonomy that it is, and then they fuck it up by going eh he just needs to accept himself and this thing that will forever serve as a connection to his father.) man i wrote a fic about this thats how bad it wormed into my brain.)

but the wing scars. ohhhh that scene. because the literal explanation isn’t what we’re meant to take away from it. it’s fantastic use of emotional whiplash, straight from sex jokes to chloe’s horror at seeing them. lucifer is quite literally honest about what’s happened, but to chloe, he’s dancing around something incredibly fucked up, hiding behind metaphors. and. well. isn’t he? however casually he tries to dismiss it, the scene still ends with him needing her to back off, don’t touch and don’t ask further questions. and. i mean, we’re talking about the guy who has fucked his way through more than half the city, hesitation over being touched is. not really something we associate with him. and yet. it’s a good fucking scene, the scars themselves are still rattling in my brain, and im never gonna stop thinking about what a loss it was that the show eventually started being all silly all the time rather than using the silliness of the character and his antics and him being Thee Literal Devil to disarm you for moments where we have to look in the eyes that Something Horribly Fucking Wrong Happened To Him.

(even the way lucifer himself is a character he’s constructed to live in means that chloe’s insistence that he’s not and can’t be the devil is true, if not literally, because the devil is both a persona developed in response to and labelled as such by trauma.)

i was never really in the lucifer fandom, per say, didn’t participate much. so i dont know how much my opinions on the show reflect other people’s. but yeah, my core enjoyment of it came from it being willing to lean into how fucked it would be for lucifer to have to exist as he is: to be both rejected and still beholden to his father’s whims. to have to serve as warden for his own mother’s prison. to be the devil and lean into it hard when the other option is to buckle under the weight of that role.

man. they had all the pieces. and then they lit the puzzle on fire.