#everything else i can manage by myself

[vikvampir3]

Tfw when I realize I’ve known this whole time my dazai and general bsd hyperfixation was self destructive and I kinda don’t care

[horsemeatluvr23]

little sketchbook spread w the last 3 + todays hermit a day doodles !! chronic illness has been kicking my ass this week so these r lower effort than i'd like but,,,,,, practice is practice !!!

[tinyfantasminha]

👍

[fisheito]

You know who you remind me of? Helga Pataki.

Please tell me you (or somebody else) gets the reference 😂

anon u turned my world to static with that namedrop

on the list of things i did NOT expect to happen ,because hUH??: someone dragging [hey arnold] into my tiny nuca inbox

[artificer-real]

ive started to really despise self help posts because all they do for me is illustrate just how apparently fucked i am compared to most other people

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[lilacerull0]

i feel like reading/watching mbf immediately means knowing who i am as a person and... i cannot allow this

[pollen]

i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like

[brittlebutch]

it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

[crush3dmary]

I would not wish BPD on my worst enemy.

[adore-gregor]

Lol I keep on doing this, saying I'd come back to tumblr to only disappear again 😂😭

[anandasamsara]

SIMPLE COMMISSIONS OPEN

Ok, i cant find any other job nor other way to make some money rn. I still have to pay 450 for credit card, that we used to buy groceries, 450 for electricity and at least mom's phone. Ideally, 700 that we owe for the apartment payments, but we can keep pretending it doesnt matter as much.

So, opening sketch and whump comms bc i cant bring myself to do more than that rn. I can barely bring myself to draw at all. I could even toss some notion of nsfw for an extra 10 bucks.

Prices, how-to's and more info >>here<<

Im relatively desperate, bc even tho i managed to pay the internet bill, it doesnt matter if electricity is cut down, specially as we're having heat waves of about 40C for the last week with no end in sight.

(I listed the amount i need in brazilian real, so it would be around 250usd. 400usd if we count the apartment things that im ignoring.)

[wild-at-mind]

Had a really stupid conversation via minor emotional breakdown with a queer friend about what makes an LGBTQ person 'assimilist'. From what she said I'm kind of forced to draw the conclusion 'if you say you're not assimilist, then you're not'.

[windupaidoneus]

editing my pinned little by little as i get normaler over time there will likely never be a point where i am fully normal but i can dream

[j-esbian]

thinking abt how much of my life i’ve lost to depression and i truly want to throw up

[as-mod-eus]

just a quick psa for my own rp experience - I mention that I am disabled in my pinned because it’s true. if you’re going to get upset with me for not being able to push myself beyond my limits to write as promptly as you like, we just aren’t going to be compatible as writers. just because my disability is invisible doesn’t mean I don’t have it! I actually have done a ton of work to get myself to the functionality that I’m currently at in my real life and I won’t be sacrificing that for anything, including my hobbies. it took me several years just to be able to consistently hold a job again without going into debilitating flashbacks or being quite literally unable to take care of my basic needs because of my major depression.

i am trying my hardest and i know that going weeks without a reply to a thread can be very discouraging. I completely understand it!!!! and I don’t fault anyone for not jiving with that and that being a hard dealbreaker, but in no way does that give you the go ahead to criticize me for not being able to meet the standards you want me to meet. I love writing and it is my number one hobby. if I am not writing, it is 99% due to me being completely unable to make words because I’m burnt out from my weekly everything.

please be patient with me if we are mutuals. I’m here for a good time and a long time, and I want everyone who has been patient with me to know that I am deeply deeply appreciative of the patience, because I know it can be a lot to ask, especially when we’ve mused a plot heavily and it seems I go radio silent replies-wise. if it were up to me I would be able to churn out replies prolifically - but it’s not, and I have to prioritize keeping myself healthy above everything, including my favorite hobbies.

I hope that clears some things up and sets a boundary for anyone who has been upset with my activity level. thank you!