#everything I know is a lie
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Yesterday I found out the moon looks the other way around in Australia (and the rest of the southern hemisphere) and I have not been the same since.
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writing something set in america has me doing so much googling. boston’s average low temp is -5.6 C in winter??? That’s so warm??? that’s early fall???
where’s my -35 C without wind chill? where’s my wearing snowpants to get to school?
#this has impacted my ability to write#everything i know is a lie#what do people even wear for jackets?#do you even need jackets?
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learning that its not 'The' Vengaboys but just 'Vengaboys' has shifted something within me
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dont you love rereading the lore of your favorite media and slowly realizing that you have completely misunderstood a key part of it that you always thought you understood pretty well
#sorry. just going insane#everything i know is a lie#im okay#this is about .#actually no i wanna remain mysterious and edgy and also a little bit pathetic
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I was today years old when I learned that Kalim's headband thingy does not, in fact, tie into a bow
(thank you @fell-fell for informing me)
#my art#twisted wonderland#twst#kalim al asim#kalim al-asim#seriously i did not know this until a friend told me#what else do i not know#everything i know about him is a LIE 💔#i'm not even sure how to tie it the official way#jamil how on earth#please show us#what else am i about to discover just flipping through the magical archives...#fear
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obligatory beach divorce doodling
bonus rough cover redraw of x-men #41 (1995) But Beach Divorce below cut
#mcu#marvel cinematic universe#xmen#xmen movies#xmen first class#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#'snap i thought you were drawing old cherik this weekend' so did i but i was inflicted with visions sorry </3#i have my lil 92 comic sketched so ill do that tomorrow. not finish it but ill work on it 💀#i wsa just gonna draw the first thing but then i figureed i might as well draw Most of the beach-divorce-related things i want to#just so i could put it all on one post. however this is a lie and i know ill wanna doodle more beach stuff#the first drawing Unsurprisingly was motivated BY the xmen 41 legion quest cover- at the very least the total blackout of erik's face#i wanna draw more of erik using his powers .. i wanna figure out how i wanna draw the effect etc etc#i was just gonna redraw the cover but i already liked the sketch i did of the first thing so. here we are#plus i figure someones already done a redraw of the cover but if anyone cares ill finish my version ig LOL#as for the comic ermmm it was just an excuse to draw erik with glowing eyes </3 and fading-glowing eyes </3#thats why i didnt draw the whole. Choking Moira bit. but i wouldve if i was redrawing the whole scene#kinda wish i did now that i think of it cause it coulda looked cooler prob but oh well maybe in like. three months when i redraw this#for exactly five cents ill redraw the whole beach divorce erlkjealkaje i can see it so clearly in my mind#what if first class was a comic drawn by a freak thatd be wild#but yeah thats why everything look rough as christ these were just supposed to be silly lil thangs#'silly things' and its beach divorce OK.#ok bye im gonna do my homework
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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as someone who is very unfamiliar with most of demon slayer, today i learned these two are in fact not the same character
#everything i know is a lie#bYE#;tumblr users lived together in harmony... but everything changed when mak made another new blog. (ooc)
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Ginni softposting about his girlfriend on Valentine's Day like???? Just say you love her, it's not that hard (oh wait he doesn't) (he likes boys)
#what do you mean Ginni didn't spend Valentine's Day with Trent Bianco??????#everything i know is a lie
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My mom (and my sister) said that both baby Stan and Ford are adorable but Ford is cuter and she likes him better and I think my heart is shattered.
This post is dedicated to my favorite kid Stanley panels:
My mom didn’t even like him when I showed the one where he murders those two kids 😭😭😭 that’s the best part!!!
#gravity falls#stanley pines#stanford pines#I just wanna hold him and tell him he’s wonderful and creative and amazing#he’s trying his best#hes just a baby HES JUST A BABY#she doesn’t like that he’s a con man but MAYBE he wouldn’t have become a con man if he had a better support group 😤😤😤#I mean c’mon this kid had practically NO ONE#the only one there for him was his brother#and he was always over shadowed by his brother#everything he did in comparison wasn’t enough#and so yeah he takes shortcuts to catch up and then all he knows to do is lie and cheat because anything else he tried to do got shot down#HE WANTED TO DRAW COMICS DAMNIT#and really he was also pretty skilled in crafting! like foot bot and the boat he built with his brother#he probably just didn’t realize that that was impressive because of course it wasn’t his brother was doing things ten times cooler#YOU GUYS WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND HIM THE WAY I DO#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#AND THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY CHILDHOOD#WHERE I WAS *ALSO* OVER SHADOWED BY MY SIBLING AND FELT THAT I WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH#AND I’D GET IN TROUBLE FOR SHIT I DIDNT DO#AND WAS CONSIDERED THE SCREW UP#THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT.#SHUT UP.
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When I tell you I have been thinking about this for three days straight...
#there's almost no hesitation there in dao#he says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world#he wholeheartedly believes it would be The Right Thing#but in dai even after everything...#no matter what stage the relationship is at#GAH#I know this is like the bare minimum but FUCK#it gives me feels okay#I believe he wouldn't be able to do it#I mean I say that as someone with an abomination inquisitor but like#if you eavesdrop on courier convos you can experience him befriending Cole in real time so#I feel like he's at that stage where he's slowly understanding that everything he's been fed was a lie#and he has trouble re-contextualising his worldview to fit that new reality#especially with all the shit he's been involved in#dragon age#cullen rutherford
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Ok, so here me out here
#The intrusive thoughts won out and I drew Mommy Halsina#BG3#Baldurs Gate 3#Halsin#not gonna lie I am fearing for my life a bit#itll be like opening pandoras box on live television I dont know whats gonna happen but future me can deal with the consequences of this#but I personally think she is super gorgeous and strong and gentle and ughhhheverything she is everything to me
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last year i found a wii at goodwill for 25 dollars and it came with everything except a wiimote but it was in such good condition i was like hell yeah ill take it how hard can it be to find a wiimote. the answer is it's nearly impossible to find them at thrift stores now so i've spent like 8 months looking for ones in thrift stores but there wasn't a single one and then online but i just couldn't bring myself to spend 30 dollars on one single wiimote so i waited so. patiently. and then 2 weeks ago i finally found one at goodwill for 9 dollars but it was absolutely disgusting and the battery cover was missing and the compartment was all corroded so i put it back and regretted it the whole week but then this last weekend i went to savers and there was an absolutely perfect wiimote just sitting there with no corrosion and a jacket and the wrist strap and motion plus and the nunchuck was there too and i got it all for 10 dollars so the moral of the story is that sometimes things seem right for you in the moment but you have to recognize that they aren't and leave them behind so the things that are meant for you will in fact find you when the time is right. peace and love <3
#for real though im so happy i cant even lie like i regretted selling my wii soooooo much but anyway im back baby <3#im disinfecting everything rn bc i have a germ problem but once it it's done.....i am SO back#when i first got it i didnt have the remote right so i couldnt plug it in and make sure that it worked but i did just plug it into an outle#to make sure it ran and it did and wii sports resort popped out of the drive so thats fun bc i didnt have that one#and anyway i might cry when i hear the menu sound ngl ngl.#but the city i live in is like an overgrown retirement home and so the goodwill is full of old people things and this wii had stickers#like explaining which cord was which so i just know it was a wii that they bought for like grandmas house and only played it when they were#over there so anyway cant wait to see what's on there and if the news channel and weather channel are still on the homepage even though#i dont think they work anymore lol#also shoutout to the type a kid who kept their wiimote in such perfect condition that i wanted to cry when i saw it sitting on the shelf#ty <3
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Hello! I just saw your latest post and you might have been referring to my ask if it was the one about Ratiorine's differing philosophies or of what philosophies they abide by (existentialism, absurdism, etc) then that's me! If you weren't referring to that I apologize for the confusion. Sending it off anon this time so maybe it doesn't disappear 🥲
Sorry for the ask disappearing the first time; I'm not sure what happened, and I was so sad because I had been carefully holding on to it to answer it! I'm glad you were able to resend.
I do have to say first that philosophy is not my area of expertise, so there may be much more qualified philosophy buffs out there who can answer this more accurately than me, but I'll give it a go with my personal understandings of the characters:
First, Ratio is the easier of the two I think. As many people have said, he's a good fit for existentialism. His entire shtick is basically believing in the power of the individual to improve and enrich their own life, to fight valiantly regardless of the hardships imposed by their life's circumstances, and to make themself into a better person by their own choices.
It's important to underscore that this means Ratio believes in self-determination, in the idea that people's lives are not foreordained but are actually actively shaped each day by personal decisions. Therefore, people have inherent freedom to decide the course of their own lives by accepting what they approve of, refusing to accept what they disapprove of, and harnessing their own individual power to ultimately achieve self-actualization.
Essentially, Ratio works under the impression that life is not guided by something as intangible as destiny, and no matter where you start off in life, what ultimately happens to you is within your control (or at least within the control of whoever controls you). This is likely a small part of why it grates on him so badly that he wasn't recognized by Nous, because the fact that one can dedicate everything to a goal and still not achieve that goal runs contrary to his central philosophy.
If he believes that people have the power to determine the course of their own lives, then what does it say about him, who fought so hard to do exactly as he claims even idiots can do--seize control his own fate--and yet didn't succeed? Are there some things outside of man's power? It's enough to make even a renowned doctor question himself, and Ratio decided to come out on the side of "It's a personal failing, not a flaw in my philosophy." He literally said "Skill issue" to himself.
Changing tack a tiny bit here, I think it's also important to emphasize that there is a difference between existentialism and nihilism even though these philosophies dovetail. Again, I'm not an expert in philosophy, so my understanding is very limited, but the basic idea of existentialism is that "existence comes before essence"--that is, things start as a blank slate and gain nature and meaning after the fact. We are not created by some grand design, nor is there any inherent "purpose for living." Things just exist because they exist.
This is where existentialism intersects with nihilism, at the starting point that existence is inherently meaningless. But, in my personal opinion, nihilism as a philosophy fails to move beyond that. Pure nihilism is ultimately self-defeating because it leaves us with no motivation to commit to growth. It's a philosophy antithetical to the continuation of life as we know it. Existence is meaningless and any meaning you personally derive from existence is also meaningless, so why bother attempting to derive any meaning at all? This complete apathy is the Device IX that Star Rail paints as so dangerous.
And Ratio is not this way at all. His philosophy absolutely reaffirms that life can have meaning, so long as people create that meaning for themselves. He simultaneously asserts that anything that people create is not meaningless ...which basically means that meaning itself cannot be meaningless. (If that makes any sense to anyone.)
Frankly, I would argue that this philosophy may be a core part of why Ratio has not been recognized by Nous so far, rather than simply his "being a good person." (Nous is a robotic AI super-computer, why would THEY care about the presence or lack of human empathy?) Ultimately, Ratio's central philosophy about people being capable of determining their own fates and purposes also applies to his understanding of knowledge--knowledge is not something which is inherent in certain beings from birth or limited to the purview of the "special" (geniuses), but is attainable by all people. People are not "born talented" or "born untalented," they are simply "educated" or "uneducated," with the only barrier between these categories being one's own personal willingness to change. The mundane can become the divine--if they work hard enough at it.
Thus, knowledge is not wealth to be hoarded, but a currency to be spent to enrich other members of humanity.
(By the way, completely random aside--it also surprises me that everyone relates Ratio to Alhaitham from Genshin when they literally have such a glaring fundamental discrepancy in their understanding of the concept of wisdom... But anyway, back on topic!)
Ratio may (sort of) respect the members of the Genius Society, may recognize their incredible knowledge and abilities, but at the heart of the matter lies a single all-important question: Does Ratio even really believe in "genius" as a distinction (other than as a concept to insult himself)? Does he truly believe there is barrier between brilliance and idiocy that "ordinary people" can never cross?
He speaks convincingly about geniuses being different from "the ordinary," but if his core belief is that people have the power to pull themselves up out of despair and achieve greatness through effort and self-development, rather than some form of luck or god-given talent at birth, then... do born "geniuses" even really exist? Is there really an insurmountable difference between brilliant and mundane?
If knowledge is the equalizer of all sentient beings, do we not all have at least the initial capacity to become geniuses?
I personally think this central distinction about the capacity for knowledge among all humanity is the actual deciding factor in Ratio's rejection from the Genius Society, because, at the end of the day... how do you become a member of the "Genius Society" when you fundamentally reject the distinction of "genius" as an exclusive category from the start?
Ratio wants to share knowledge and uplift everyone (even if he thinks most people are starting off at the rock bottom known as idiocy).
His mission is diametrically opposed to the concept of a "Genius Society" in the first place.
He wanted in to the cool kids club because he desperately craves validation and acceptance, but the philosophical values of the Genius Society are ultimately incompatible with his own. In short, he would have to cease to be "Veritas Ratio" to succeed in joining the geniuses.
Okay, okay, back to the original point again, and just one more note about Ratio: Even though existentialism also goes hand-in-hand with absurdism, I don't think Ratio is far enough down the philosophical rabbit hole to believe in the wider definition of absurdism. Although I think he does agree with the inherent meaninglessness of existence, I don't think he views existence itself as truly irrational and the universe as as manifestation of unknowable chaos. I think he'd at least like to imagine that there are some ontological principles and inherent laws governing the operations of reality, and I think he does believe that certain things can be predicted with the application of enough thought... He certainly seems to believe in some form of "objective truth," at the very least.
I think he'd at least like to believe the universe is semi-orderly, even if he might deep down admit this is also wishful thinking.
So, to me he reads as a strong metaphor for pure existentialism, with deliberate rejections to both nihilism's apathy and absurdism's lean toward solely subjective reality.
PHEW, this is already long and I still have a whole other character to talk about... I had more to say about this topic than I thought. Sorry for the long read!
Anyway... Aventurine.
I've seen all sorts of things thrown around for Aventurine's philosophy, and while I think he does inherit a bit of Acheron's absurdism by the end of 2.1, I actually don't think Aventurine is an absurdist, an existentialist, or a nihilist.
I think Aventurine is a struggling fatalist.
He doesn't like it. We see him actively question it, but ultimately, he does come back to the concept of destiny over and over.
First, I think it's important to draw a clear distinction between Ratio and Aventurine: Ratio's existentialism is a philosophy that technically works even in a theological vacuum. Nous doesn't have to exist for Ratio's philosophy to function. Ratio's belief in the self-determination of humanity is, in fact, somewhat opposed to belief in aeons in the first place, and only works because technically the aeons of Star Rail used to be human (or were originally human creations). It's essentially an atheist viewpoint.
But Aventurine is a religious character. Like, he's just... religious. That's a fact about him. Even though we do hear his doubts, at the end of the day, he actually believes in Gaiathra, and believing in a omniscient supernatural being that is not human in origin (is from outside the aeon system) comes with a whole set of philosophical foundations that most aeon-worshipping characters just don't have in Star Rail. (Sunday is the obvious exception here, by the way.)
Kakavasha's like the one practicing pagan in the middle of an atheist convention. Awkward.
Being more serious: Religion requires faith. Faith requires the ability to believe in things you cannot verify with empirical facts. To believe in things you can only feel, never see. The belief that a goddess is watching over you, blessing you, and guiding you requires you to also accept the idea that events in your life are not always in your own control--that some of what occurs to you is decided by powers beyond your comprehension.
In essence, faith requires belief in fate. And that leads to fatalism.
No matter how much he doesn't like it, no matter how much we see him struggle with it, Aventurine does actually seem to believe in the concept of fate. He believes that some events in life are destined to occur, that some things are outside of individuals' control, and that ultimately not everything can be changed.
This is the dead opposite of Ratio's mindset: No matter how hard we fight, how far we push ourselves... in the end, sometimes people fail. Sometimes the only answer to our endless struggles is that we die, as we were destined to, before ever achieving the greatness we sought or the futures we were promised.
As an aside, I don't think faith or religion are necessarily the only factors connecting Aventurine to this particular philosophy either. Even removing theological aspects from the conversation, his extreme focus on the gambling aesthetic suggests a strong connection to fatalism too--if not a goddess, then one's fate may as well be in the hands of luck itself, of the whims of the rolling dice--or the push and pull of "powers that be," those figures of authority in the room where it happens, who make their shady deals according to preset rules and expectations, every bet resulting in an ultimately predictable outcome.
(He keeps gambling and gambling, hoping that he'll get a different result than the one he knows is inevitable...)
This is, of course, an inherently pessimistic mindset, a perfect dark-mirror to Ratio's deep-down optimism. Fatalism puts humanity into a position of powerlessness. All hopes and dreams are given over to the goddess, by whose judgment and whims the actual events of one's life are decided. Pain and poverty are inevitable trials. Suffering and death are foreordained.
And yet Aventurine has to cling to this, as much as he doubts it, as much as he hates the idea that things in his life are beyond his power to control.
Because if fate doesn't exist... If it wasn't destiny, if the tragedies of his life weren't trials from the goddess, if things weren't supposed to go this way... Then every single thing in his life really is meaningless. Everything he suffered, everyone he loved and loss, his mother's and sister's sacrifices, the torment he went through--just sheer bad luck. All of it, completely and utterly meaningless.
How can you convince yourself to keep living, in the face of such supreme and all-encompassing Nihility?
This is the central struggle of Aventurine's character, the actual mental and emotional journey we see him undertaking from 2.0 to 2.1. He is literally on the precipice, swinging between a viewpoint that he hates--his fatalistic belief in destiny--and an entirely self-defeating philosophy--nihilism--whose only possible final outcome is suicide.
This is what his talk with Acheron at the end of 2.1 is all about. This is how she saves him. In that final cutscene, we witness Aventurine reach a mental compromise, managing to finally reconcile his necessary faith in the concept of destiny with the reality that life may truly begin meaningless--but beginning meaningless does not mean staying meaningless, and believing in destiny does not bar you from making your own choices or finding your own purpose in life.
Later on in Penacony's story, we literally see Acheron use Ratio's philosophy to reject the same nihility that crept into Aventurine's:
Acheron wards off nihility's apathy through an absurdism all her own, but one which manages to enclose both Ratio's and Aventurine's otherwise incompatible mindsets: We have no way of ever knowing for certain whether the events of our lives are fated or mere nonsense. We have no way of knowing if our choices are our own or foreordained. But we don't need to know this to find meaning and value in them. Whether life is nothing more than unpredictable chaos or a predetermined pattern of cause and effect, what matters is what you make of it.
Ultimately, I think that this post has really helped me recognize just how well Aventurine and Ratio work as philosophical foils.
They really are perfect opposites.
Aventurine's fatalism is deterministic, while Ratio's existentialism is self-deterministic. Aventurine's philosophy is inherently pessimistic; Ratio's is inherently optimistic. Ratio's philosophy operates on a core belief in the freedom of humanity to decide their own paths in life, while Aventurine hates but does ultimately believe that people aren't really in control, that even if no gods are guiding us, we can't rise above our own natures. Ratio's philosophy makes meaning from growth; Aventurine's makes meaning from loss...
And they both struggle with fundamental doubts in their own philosophies, core questions that are directly tied to their own lives. Aventurine worries that his faith might be misplaced, that destiny might not exist, and that everything he suffered might have been in pointless, empty vain. Ratio faces the crisis of recognizing that his core belief in the power of humankind to determine their own paths and make their own meaning might not actually apply to everyone--because it doesn't seem to apply to himself.
It's literally only by bridging this philosophical binary with Acheron's anti-Nihility absurdist rhetoric that we can reach some sort of healthy outcome. That's why it takes both Ratio's note and Acheron's comments to finally lead Aventurine to acceptance. Ratio probably needs a little bit of Aventurine's "If you didn't make it into the Genius Society, there's got to be a reason" mindset to finally reach some peace with his situation too.
I'm not even a philosophy expert and even I can see that there's really only one takeaway here: These two characters were totally written with each other in mind.
Aventurine and Ratio need each other on core metaphysical levels! 😂
It's so good guys. You can't see it, but I'm making chef's kisses, I promise.
#honkai star rail#aventurine#dr. ratio#ratiorine#aventio#well the implication is there at least#character analysis#honkai star rail meta#philosophy#long post is long#this took so long oops I'm posting at 2am#entirely unrelated but innenofutari#you are very based for having a Princess Tutu quote in your bio#that's the most important thing I could tag this post with#actually#also if my philosophy understanding is all wrong I'm sorry#not gonna lie I dated a philosophy major in college soooo#that should tell you everything you need to know about my feelings toward philosophy
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Copia can’t really wear his performing clothes anymore now that he’s Frater. Besides the fact that he’s no longer going to be able to perform, there’s also a certain expectation in his appearance now pressed upon him. But he doesn’t feel good just. Packing it all away. Call it nostalgia, call it sentimentality, call it just recognizing it’d be a waste.
…But there isn’t any reason he can’t, like, wear that stuff in the bedroom, y’know? 👀
“What do you think, tesoro? How’s about a private concert, held in the Bedroom Arena? One night only. Or as many nights as you’d like 🩵”
#copia x reader#papa emeritus iv x reader#frater imperator x reader#papa emeritus x reader#Cardinal Copia x reader#it’s cheesy af but you know it works#I mean look at him#besides…You know you want to undo those corset laces on his pants#don’t lie: Papa knows everything you like
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Gift (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Gaster#Papyrus#Second go around! Maybe he can talk about it with the one who actually got the scarf!#Or not haha - better to just let some things lie#Though ♪ Of course Papyrus would recognize Gaster's efforts ♥ His emotional intelligence hhhh <3#He knows everything there was Gaster's initially and so reading between the lines of Gaster telling him he can have it#It's a gift! Properly! That deserves praise!! Good job you did something nice!#I also deeply love when Gaster is first pulled back out how one of his first little smiles is at Papyrus being silly#Gaster is also very prideful! It's cute to see his son being self-aggrandizing in that kid way! Seeing him enjoy it is so nice ;;#Also I know that Papyrus is still shorter than Gaster I just really like the idea of him being almost his dad's height ;;#He's so grown up now! He's grown into such a beautiful adult <3#It does make sense that he's still shorter considering the whole ''torn in half'' thing ahh#Maybe Gaster is leaning down just let me have this lol#I also ended up doing a lot of digital reconstruction on this one!#Especially panels 2 through 4 - I actually pulled out my tablet to draw in the bits that got cut off by the surrounding doodles#I wasn't as careful with my spacing with these oops :P But I think they turned out pretty style-matched :)#Cute lads happy <3
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