#everyone says is a 10/10 game and i disagree

[anhedonyan]

Terranigma is pretty and honestly, until you get to the humans part is amazing. However..... after that....... I have to say I prefer Soul Blazer tbh. And I'm at the Bloody Mary boss fight and wtf is this...?

[catskets]

A more in-depth guide for creating visual novels, especially in the horror, horror-romance, etc circles

Some of you have seen my previous, smaller post on crafting visual novels, especially in this little space of Tumblr that a lot of us have found themselves in. Since that post took off, I've wanted to create a longer guide to help touch on some points I've thought about for the past few months.

In case you've never heard of me, I'm Kat, also known as catsket. I have a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Game Design. I've been making games for nearly 5 years, and I've been doing visual novels more "professionally" for 2. You may know me for Art Without Blood, 10:16, God is in the Radio, or Fatal Focus. I'm here to help you make your first visual novel.

Please note that my advice does not fit everyone, and you may disagree with what I say. That's okay! It doesn't work for all. That's why there's thousands of resources out there.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE NEVER MADE A GAME

So, you have an idea for a huge visual novel. Horror, a shady and obsessive love interest, a little bit of woo-hooing. 100k words. Maybe a million. What is this, the 07th Expansion?

I notice a lot of people getting into visual novels are artists first. That's okay! I wanted to do art for games before I realized how much I enjoyed writing. And even less of you have probably touched Visual Studio. Again, perfectly okay. We all start somewhere.

My number one piece of advice? Make shitty games.

What does that mean?! My recommendation to those who have never done games is to make a bunch of shitty ones. Think of a theme, or hell, even join a game jam, where you make a game that fits a theme in a short amount of time. Spend about a week on your game. Focus on making something polished. Polish your mechanics. Polish your output.

I recommend, if you can, to make at least 4-6, if not more, kind of shitty games before hopping into longer projects. Making a game is a skill, just like art, just like writing. And game development is combining ALL of these together into one big soup being stirred by a skeleton hand puppet. You'll get into the rhythm and see what works for you.

It also helps you learn, perhaps, the second most important thing here: do you even like making games? There are cases out there where people have created video games (not saying visual novels) just for clout. That's no fun for you, that's no fun for your players. And you might go through this process and find that you don't like making games. That's completely okay! It's not for everyone.

Also, you can use these shittier games to gather an audience. I've built my audience because, for the past few years, I've been releasing games that slowly give me growing fields of eyes every day. A success story overnight is a rare one. It takes time. It's like building a brand, but you aren't a brand, you're an artist.

REV UP YOUR ENGINES!

Ren'py is the number one engine you will be recommended. It is very beginner-friendly, with lots of tutorials, assets on itch.io to use and download, and support. The engine comes with a few tutorials in the form of games, whose code you can freely browse. This is the engine I use most often. Most visual novels you see are made in this engine.

Twine is a text-based engine that most people use for interactive fiction. You can add images and audio, though, if you don't mind messing with HTML. I use Twine for text games and for outlining for my larger games. Ever played Degrees of Lewdity? Yeah, I know you have. Don't ask why. That game was made in Twine.

RPG Maker has multiple versions and has been used for exclusively VNs if you don't mind fucking around with plugins. It can definitely give your game a super unique feel. I recommend RPG Maker MV, since it has the most resources. This line of engines usually costs money, but it often goes on sale for under $5-$15.

People will recommend TyranoBuilder, but as a user and player, the lack of options and the format the games often come in is just...not fun to navigate. It advertises itself as little to no code, but it's often evident in the final results. Some good games have been made in it, though, so if you want to use it for prototyping/practice, you can. I'm not a fan, but that doesn't mean that fans don't exist! This engine costs money.

Not an engine, but check out Ink! Super useful scripting language that's used for more professional projects.

DEMOS, DEMOS, DEMOS

You've got an idea for a long-term project, and now you want to show it to the world! But wait, wait, don't do that yet!

When should I start advertising my game? This is a personal opinion, but I say that you should not start advertising your game until 50-60% of your demo is complete. Why? As I've discussed with some fans of indie VNs, they can name quite a few projects that have been in the "working on the demo" age for 1-2+ years. I've been in the Kickstarter MMO circles. If you, making a single-player experience with little mechanics to balance and polish (aka a visual novel), are taking that long on a demo, I am going to assume the game is not coming out. There are some games I have seen out here that have been in "working on the demo" phase where I haven't seen a single ounce of what the project will look like.

What should I put in my demo? The purpose of a demo is to showcase the mechanics and the vibes and the mechanics of your game. It's a demonstration. In my last post, I pointed to the Dead Space 2 demo that was showcased at E3 (RIP), that takes place about 2 hours into the story and shows how enemies are defeated, some animations, bits of the story, etc. Usually, because it's less about mechanics and more about vibes, visual novel demos showcase a certain percentage of the full thing (5-10%.) Can you showcase the vibe of the game here and what players should expect? If not, show off another portion.

How long should I work on my demo? Before, I said 3-4 months. That can be true, that can also not be true. Think about how long the demo takes you in proportion to how long the actual game should take you. Don't put too much effort. The demo is to showcase the vibe. It's to see how much the public and fans may enjoy the game.

My game is 18+, what should I do? Make a splash screen when the game is downloaded to let players know your game is 18+. If it's going to contain sexual content, you can hide it with itch.io's adult content filter. Write it on the page itself that your game is for adults only. Don't put your demo behind a paywall. This is genuinely ridiculous. The purpose of a demo is to showcase what a game is like before a player purchases it. That defeats the point of a demo. I've seen this happen, and it discourages players from approaching, especially because most demos never make it past the demo phase. So...I'm paying you $10 for 2-3k words of a game that may never come out?

Should I make a social media for my game? YES! Go for it. These anchors are how people will find your game. Make a Tumblr and open that ask box. Make a Twitter. Go to BluSky. Advertising is not bad. Some YouTubers even take e-mail suggestions from developers. Feel free to shoot your shot. The worst they can do is not respond.

HOW TO SET UP YOUR ITCH.IO PAGE:

Getting your itch.io to a presentable state can be very challenging! There's many ways to do it. I highly recommend using this page image guide for learning how to size your images to make your page pop!

Itch.io themselves has suggested to not publish a page until the game or demo is released. You can make the page and keep it as a draft, but do not publish it until you're ready!

Your cover image is the image that will appear in the search of the website, on any front pages, in collections, and on your profile. What have I seen that works? Key art of one of the characters up close and the title of the game! If you can make it a .GIF, do it! Bitches love .GIFs!

Itch.io recommends 3-5 screenshots on your page. I recommend 1 of these 5 be a .GIF that shows how gameplay feels. This is effective, even for visual novels!

Write a 3-5 sentence summary about your game for the description. What is your story about? What is the draw?

DO NOT BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO IS GOING TO SAY "This is not like other visual novels. It doesn't have that cheesy this or that or-" No one cares. Genuinely. You're putting down other games in your genre and elevating yourself to the pompous level.

TAG YOUR GAME! itch.io gives you a list of tags to choose from when you go to tag. DON'T USE THIS! Try to go for more specific tags. Arimia has a very good guide on how to use itch.io's tagging system to your advantage.

GENERAL GAME MAKING ADVICE

SCOPE KNIFE IS SUPER USEFUL! Everyone makes games that are way over their workload. It's okay to cut out features and add them later. Prioritize making a finished game before hitting those stretch goals.

PLAN, PLAN, PLAN! Writing outlines is super helpful. I use Twine for my outlines, because you can connect your passages together and make really well-thought webs.

IT'S OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP! Whether it's from friends, professionals, or anything in-between. They can help with assets, editing, etc.

HONE YOUR SKILLS OUTSIDE OF GAMES! Write some poetry. Do some sketches everyday. Improve on your craft to improve your games

MUSIC IS HARD. THERE ARE RESOURCES. Most of us aren't musicians. That's okay. Make sure the music you get for your game is allowed to be used. You can use anything non-commercial if your game will not cost money or donations. I try to do songs in the public domain or free to use overall with credit if I don't have a musician. Consult the Creative Commons website if you're unsure how you're supposed to use a certain piece of music. If you don't use the right stuff, not only can it put you in legal trouble, but it can put streamers in hot water if they play your game and they can't upload the video because music is copyrighted.

PLEASE, DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR UI. Wanna know an easy way to get your game to look more professional? Edit the damn UI for your game. Make a new textbox, even if it's just a black box. Change the font. Eventually, players recognize the defaults and patterns of games made in certain engines and may attribute a lack of UI changes to a developer being lazy. It doesn't take very long to change the colors around and move text! Please do it to add a little pop to your game.

DEADLINES ARE AWESOME. Not everyone works well under pressure, but if you give yourself an infinite amount of time to make something, it'll never get done. Set goals for yourself for how much you can work on something.

IF YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP, GIVE UP. Making things is hard, especially long-term. Emergencies happen, jobs happen, life happens. Let your fans know that a project isn't happening anymore. Don't leave them in the dark. You don't need to tell strangers your medical history or anything, but transparency + honesty are really hot traits. You should use those in your creative work. This is one reason why I advocate for not publishing or advertising things until you know it's stable.

SHOWCASING YOUR CONTENT

People love to see WIPs for games! This is what the devlog is good for! A devlog is a post where a developer talks about and showcases some things happening in the game? What can you add to your dev log?

PERCENTAGES! How much of the artwork is done? How much of this character's route is done?

SNEAK PEEKS AT ARTWORK AND SPRITES!

GIFS! GIRLS LOVE GIFS!

Anything else to showcase your game's content! Posting consistent updates retains and even gains a fan's attention for your work.

RUNNING YOUR TUMBLR

You've joined us, and you've made a Tumblr for your blog! Link it on the itch.io page, so people can come find you after playing your awesome demo!

Do I have to respond to every ask? No. It's your blog. Delete whatever asks you want.

I got a hate comment! What do I do? Delete it and move on. I have a more detailed section on hate below.

I want to interact with [blog]! How do I do that? Reach out to the devs for silly little collabs. If you come onto a developer slightly headstrong, they might feel you are being abrasive or using them for content.

If people make fan content, interact with it! Encourage it! Reblog it. Show your love.

OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS

PROFESSIONALISM IS KEY. These may be pet projects, but you want to appear some level of professional on your actual itch.io page.

Being dismissive of player and fan complaints or criticisms will make you appear childish.

If your game is broken, fix it. I have been told by some amateur developers to ignore game-breaking bugs. It does not make me, a player, want to engage with your content. It seems messy and unfinished.

With the above point, it's 100% okay to have bugs and errors upon release. Every developer and their brood mother has. To decrease these issues, get playtesters. Friends can play your games, spot any errors, and help you point out things that can be improved upon. I recommend having playtesters at every stage of development.

Make sure your game runs before you publish it. Please.

You can still be silly and giddy! There's no reason to not be, especially when you get positive comments! The point of this is to not be outright rude to potential players and fans.

IGNORE HATE COMMENTS. In this case, a hate comment is a statement that contains no constructive criticism and are only here to be insulting or malicious. People are going to leave you with actual piles of dog shit in your ask box. They are trying to provoke you. Giving hate comments any attention, even if you're there to "clap back" proves that they got to you, even if you don't take the hate to heart. They will continue to pester you. Delete any hate comments and ignore them completely. Laugh about them with friends in a private setting, sure.

THINK BEFORE YOU REFERENCE! I know one big thing in this community is adding references to other games in yours, such as plushies of other characters or putting them on posters. The best thing you can do it ask the developer before adding this. How would you feel if some random person you've never met put your character in a video game? Most of us would feel weird and potentially violated. Open communication with devs is awesome. I am usually okay with it as long as someone asks for permission.

As a complete aside, I prefer more tasteful references to other games as opposed to 523482346 plushies and posters. These have been slightly overdone. Why not theme a candy after another game's character? Maybe your characters know each other.

OTHER RESOURCES I RECOMMEND

Devtalk is a server dedicated to independent visual novel creators. You can find jobs, resources, advice, talks, and, like, everything there! Devtalk is super useful. Everyone in there is so cool. They have a really great and comprehensive list of resources that I could not even begin to cover.

Visual Novel Design is a great YouTuber. No other words, check the guy out!

Ren'py and whatever other engine you're using has documentation that's super useful to follow.

Arimia not only has amazing VN resources, especially for marketing, but she also just has? Amazing games that you should check out?

And for a shameless self plug, I'm the lead of Sacred Veins, a collective of devs creating narrative games, whether it be horror, humor, romance, or everything in-between. Come hang out with us!

[sailorgundam308]

Karlach isn't a good girl

Listen, LISTEN. I love her, okay? Now that's out of the way. I see many people reducing her personality to the "big friendly labrador dog" thing. And while it's cute and all that, I disagree. Let me get into why I think Karlach isn't the goodie nice girl she puts a lot of effort to be. She has just returned to Faerun when we meet her in game, and she IS trying her bestest to start anew, to be the best version of herself now that she is free. But it doesn't mean she was always like that, or that her past has not changed her. I think it did - quite a lot, in fact.

Let's start with Gortash. She worked for this fucker. Granted, she might not have known he was such an evil bastard at the time, but she was his bodyguard. And by bodyguard, it is implied that she was his bully, his enforcer and debt collector - you know, the kind that breaks knees and kills people. When she meets an old friend in the city, that friend asks her if she is still in "the business of intimidation", and offers her to come see weapons. Even though Karlach, in her mind, might have been convincing herself that doing such a job was to help someone she respected, she still did it. And that is FINE. She was a young orphan, a tiefling in a place where tieflings are discriminated against harshly, poor and without much perspective. Of course a guy coming over offering her a well paid job that she excelled in would seem like winning a lottery. Still, she was a pretty shady violent person doing it. Now, the Hells. Avernus. She was sold to Zariel quite young still, and went through all sorts of torture and other perks enslavement gets you. For 10 years. She was scared shitless while there, especially in the beginning - she says so herself (to Halsin). All the carnage she inflicted was not (very) voluntary. She HAD to, or she would be the one getting killed. But she enjoyed it - or grew to. She likes violence, the adrenaline of it, the rush of excitement. The thrill of it, she says, is second only to sex.

Continuing on. Avernus, as well as the other layers of the Nine Hells, is not like the Material Plane. The place itself influences you. It means that being in Avernus for any time changes/corrupts/influences who you are. The longer you stay there, the deeper it gets. It did so to Zariel who was a literal angel. Avernus (and it's Archdevil's personality) insidiously get in your body and heart. It is just the way it goes, lore-wise, in DnD. If a fucking SOLAR wasn't immune to it, Karlach - young and lost - certainly wouldn't be either. Even more so because she was near Zariel all the time. I strongly believe Karlach was getting more and more exactly like Zariel - who herself is a fierce berserker warrior who charges head first into battle. Zariel is KNOWN to be this crazy strong, insane, fearless and (in her mind) righteous demon-smiting war machine. Sounds similar to a nice red tiefling we know, doesn't it? Now, did Zariel chose Karlach beause she was already like this, or did Karlach took after Zariel while she fought with her? Hard to tell. In any case, Karlach's 10 years in the Hells did change her. Needless to say, Avernus doesn't change you for the better. It doesn't mean that Karlach became "evil" - she is obviously far from it. But she is chaotic, violent and bloodthirsty. She is also selfish. There are several situations where this personality trait of her comes up.

It may sound kinda wild considering how she offers to help everyone and even sacrifice herself (since she's already dying anyway) - when we meet her. But that's the thing: she is being as selfless as she can now because she has been very selfish for a very long time (proof she has a conscience). Perhaps, she is terrified of what she was becoming and is trying to make amends, to revert whatever evil was growing in her.

She mentions herself that she did not help the tieflings of Elturel when their city was pulled down into Avernus. She did not get out of her way to help them. Instead, she thought that if "she was living that nightmare, they'd have to live it too". She would not put her neck on the line to help another - which, not so coincidentally, is typical behavior in the Hells (again, proof that Avernus was indeed getting to her). The Hag's Vicious Mockery targeted specifically at Karlach mentions how she is willing to "sell everyone's soul's if it means she can save hers". We do not know exactly what it refers to - soul coins, throwing others under the bus, ignoring people in need - but it reinforces the idea that Karlach was not the nicest person for at least 12+ years. Granted, the devils around her were much worse - but they are DEVILS in HELL. So.

Generally, in game we notice that her effort to survive and stay alive has pushed her selfishness to grow. But it still is selfishness. Another example is how she disapproves (together with Astarion), if you say to healer Nettie that you "swear to drink the Wyvern poison". She wouldn't drink it. She'd rather kill Nettie (that gets hostile).

Another hint at her grey-ish personality is when she talks to/about Wyll after he is punished by Mizora for not having killed Karlach. She mentions that she would NOT have done the same in his place. That he was better than her. Again, she would not put her skin on the line like that. She would and has turned a blind eye to situations and persons if it meant it would guarantee her survival or avoid injury. (Mind you, I 100% belive she would do this sacrifice if she was in love with someone, though.)

She will ask to, and will use Soul Coins even though she knows it's morally a sus choice to do so. If you play as her she will repeat to herself "I won't use them, they are people's souls - and I am GOOD." like she is trying to convince herself. Because she would fucking use them to smash some big fuckers in a blink - and feel awesome while doing it. Even as her, she keeps insisting "But... maybe I can use them... JUST when I really need them." Additionally, when she talks to the bugbear merchant in Moonrise Towers and he offers her soul coins, she doesn't really feel guilty for the stories of the souls in them. She even says at some point "they are already doomed, so why not use them anyway", justifying that she will only kill evil bastards with them. In any case, the morality of her choice is debatable. It makes clear that Karlach is not "lawful good" by any stretch.

Let me reiterate that just because I am saying all this about Karlach, doesn't mean I dislike her. I think she is abso-fucking-lutely the best character in the game. But I hate to see her personality "flattened" to nice happy go lucky gal. I think she has a grey-tinged personality - she has good and bad aspects to herself; she has character flaws too.

But I also think that she is trying her damn hardest to be the best she can be right then. The opposite of what she's been. Maybe it is because she has so little time left, that she needs to be the absolute best version of herself while she can. Perhaps she is trying to be what she would have been if her parents did not die - because they seemed like great loving parents. And I think Karlach didn't turn into a broken evil maniac because of them, the way they raised her while they were alive. But she lost her mom at 6, her father around 13-15. After that, it was struggling on the streets, Gortash and Zariel - betrayal, violence, carnage, war and loneliness. It is too naive to think a person would not change after all this, that Karlach would not carry more scars than those she shows on her body. To her credit, she turned much MUCH better than anyone would have. She WILL kill with a grin on her face, seek violence, blood and even revel in it - she learned to relish it and now it's part of who she is. She is selfish, she will look out for herself and has no qualms about killing or throwing people she doesn't care for under the bus (if she sees justification for it). BUT she knows what evil is, and doesn't let shit happen to people who don't deserve it. She will side with those who suffer prejudice and fight against what she sees as injustice - but even she has a limit to how far she'd go.

If you raid the Emerald Grove, she will leave the party. To me, this screams of her trying to right her past wrongs. She left the Elturians to their fate once before, so she MUST save them now that she has another chance - and that it won't cost her her life. I love her being 1/3 brutal killing machine (and fucking LOVING it), 1/3 ptsd, fear and overcompensating trauma under a smile, and 1/3 just trying her best, really, and being lovely for it. Phew. That was a long rant. I guess I just wanted to organize my thoughts about it a bit :V

[colubrina]

what does querying mean

Ah! OK. I forget that normal people don't know what this process entails.

So, if you want to be "trad" published (which basically means the kind of published that gets your book into bookstores) you will probably need a literary agent. Some small presses do not require that writers submit books for consideration through an agent, but pretty much every book you've ever heard of went through both a literary agent and a publisher that requires authors use them. So, how do you get a literary agent? You send a very specialized letter called a 'query letter', often with the first few pages of your novel, for them to read and decide if they want to 'represent' it, which means try to sell it for you in exchange for a 15% commission. The query letter I used for the 6th book I queried was this...

Dear [agent],

NO GOOD WITCHES is a 90,000-word YA speculative that will appeal to readers of A Deadly Education and Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. It’s a ‘girl goes evil and gets shit done while awe-stuck boy holds her purse so she can do the murders’ kind of book with popular tropes including found family, female friendship, dark academia, morally grey characters, power corrupts, and a romance where the boy is bad but the girl is worse (you could save him, I could make him worse; we are not the same).

Seventeen-year-old Calla watches the witch burnings on television along with everyone else in the United States. Witches can move things with their minds. They know what people are thinking. They’re terrifying, and dangerous, and the shows are a nationwide reminder that witches will not be tolerated. Her friends have never suspected Calla is one, and she needs to keep it that way. But when she answers a question before it’s asked in a history class, her future goes up in flames. She can read minds. She’s evil. Game over.

Caught and terrified, Calla is surprised when she isn’t dragged to a pyre, but to a hospital where she’s poked and prodded to find out how powerful she is. Turns out, good witches—compliant witches—don’t get sent to the stake. They get trained in hidden schools and sharpened into weapons. Their ability to manipulate matter powers the electrical plants and their mindreading gets used by the diplomatic corp. Calla doesn’t feel like getting burned alive, so she learns everything she can.

Including how she—and her new witch friends—can burn the system down rather than let powerful men exploit their magic.

By the time she’s done, there won’t be a single good witch left.

I was mentored in both the Pitch Wars and Author Mentor Match programs, and I was previously represented but my agent and I have amicably parted ways and this manuscript has never been on submission. I live in Connecticut with cats, my family, and some unhappy plants. I am not a witch.

Thank you,

Collie

I sent 69 versions of this query out, 2 of which were referrals (meaning a current client of the agent recommended me)

17 times the agent ghosted my query.

43 times the agent rejected at the query stage

7 times the agent requested more materials. (This is about a 10% request rate and is not great but not terrible either.)

2 times the agent ghosted the requested materials

3 times the agent rejected the additional materials

Once the agent offered me what's called a "revise and resubmit" where she sent some detailed edits I could do and then she would reconsider whether she wanted to rep it. I disagreed pretty strenuously with one of her suggestions (she wanted me to cut the romance) and so I didn't pursue it.

The whole process is tedious and unfun and pretty much necessary if you want your book to be in, say, Barnes and Noble. I do not enjoy it. I am going to do it for the seventh time starting this fall. Maybe I'll do a 'querying diary' the way I do a log of what I've written. That would be fun.

Ask me anything about querying. I am a bona fide expert on this.

[blackbatcass]

helloo :D

So, I keep seeing people saying that Jason is Bruce’s favorite child, and the only one that was actually like a son to Bruce. (aside from Damian) Also that just because Dick and Bruce were partners/brothers too, it means that Dick isn’t really like Bruce’s son. How Jason and Bruce are each other’s favorite and Dick wishes he could be Bruce’s son (basically it just gets worse and worse jekskenjske)

AND I DON’T REALLY GET THIS AT ALL.. I COMPLETELY DISAGREED

But then I saw SO MANY posts about this (just getting harsher and harsher LMAO) and I thought I’d ask someone who knew more. So, yeah, here I am!

Thanks for answering if you do, and have a wonderful day!

anon do you want me dead. is that what's happening here

JK JK my first fanon jason ask... what a historic day! basically you're completely right. I don't know where this frankly insane take comes from but whenever me, my mutuals, and pretty much anyone in this corner of the dc fandom sees a post like it we roll our eyes to the heavens. to put it simply the idea that jason is bruce's favorite and the only one he actually loved like a son is a complete fucking lie lol.

first of all to claim that bruce didn't love dick like a son is......I mean. let's just say people saying that have probably never read a comic with bruce and dick before. literally the number one thing to know about these characters is that the love bruce and dick have for each other can be seen from outer space. they have never been normal about each other. bruce raised dick since he was eight. they are thee og codependent father-son partners 'we saved each other we are pack bonded for life if anything happened to him i'd kill everyone in this room and then myself' duo. I mean... there is nuance to be had where they had a very complicated tangled up hard-to-label relationship that had elements of being father & son, elements of being brothers, and ofc partners as batman and robin but that is a function of their relationship being TOO crazy and close not the other way around lol. it is patently true that bruce and dick know each other better than anyone else in the world. it is pretty much true that if you're going to play the favorites game, it's hard to deny that dick is bruce's favorite. that's his eldest his most trusted his saving grace his person who understands him better than anyone. I could pull like an endless amount of panels as evidence that dick was bruce's favorite. there are so many 'dick is the only thing i did right' 'i only feel pride when i look at nightwing' etc etc. dick is his child in every way that matters basically

which is not to say that jason isn't bruce's son! he definitely is! bruce does love jason, but jason was his second kid lol. and it's...i mean jason was robin for a very short time in the grand scheme of things. you can blow through his robin run super fast because it's just not very long. the idea that bruce loved jason more or there's more of a father-son bond to be found in the few issues they were together for as opposed to the 10 years dick was robin is actually insane. bruce literally admitted that the reason he let jason be robin was because he missed dick. lol. lmao even.

basically yeah claiming that jason is bruce's favorite and dick was never treated as bruce's son is just a lie. it's not true. it's like that 'jason is tim's favorite robin' nonsense that was going around a few months ago; it completely ignores canon and essential character elements in jason's favor. I don't know why some jason fans are so obsessed with putting him up on a pedestal by bashing other characters on his behalf. and like...it is possible to have two sons? and love them both? lmfao? and that's not even getting into like tim and cass (also bruce's adopted children). I don't know why people just decided this was a thing but it is false<3

[dnpbeats]

relatable games I think d&p might play

relatable like the brand that sent them games, not relatable like the adjective

"New Phone, Who Dis?": standard apples to apples or CAH format, you draw a received text message then everyone picks a reply text message from their hand and you vote for the funniest. bonus points for the millennial-ass name (sometimes I forget d&p are m*llennials 🤧)

"Over-Rated": again same format as above, but with this one you draw location cards and then pick the funniest review for it. anyone remember the "phil" tripadvisor drama,,,

"Same Same But Different": DAN AND PHIL WOULD SLAY AT THIS ONE!! you draw two cards that are two different situations, then you try to come up with a funny phrase that could be said for both scenarios DAN PHIL IM BEGGING PLAY THIS ONE

"Hot Takes": literally just cards with opinions then you say if you agree or disagree and then argue about it. dan and phil already do this quite literally free spon money at this point

"They're A 10, But…": think d&p would like this one because it's kinda similar to heartthrob in some aspects. basically you start with a rating a hypothetical person has, then a good/bad/neutral trait is drawn, then you assign a new rating to the person. d&p would have to make up a way to play against each other but they could just try to guess what new rating the other person gave or smth!! (also, one of the example negative traits they show on the site is "they have chronically chapped lips"....... anyway)

"Like I Like My": this one is kinda similar to the same same but different one, basically you are given two things in the "I like my ___ like I like my ___" format then you try to come up with the funniest similarity btwn those two things

"Buzzed Tower": almost like tipsy jenga but not really. you draw a card and follow its instructions for adding a block to the tower, if you knock the tower over you have to take a drink. I just wanna see d&p get drunk on camera okay

honorable mentions to "Catch the Vibe," "Be$t Offer," and "Date Fate Eliminate" which also seem like shit they'd play but this post was getting too long 👹👹

[mymindcreatedthis]

Lost the bet (18+)

Tobin Heath x Reader

Word count: 2,664

Warning: Smut, Sexual Bet, Dirty Talk, Unprotected Sex, Anal, Creampies, blowjob, Throatpies, Spanking, Hair pulling, clit Teasing, Squirting, (R Doms Tobin) (Tobin Receiving).

Summery: The girls get bored and make bets as they watch the England vs Canada game. Tobin and Reader make their own bet, Things don’t go according to Tobins plan.

*Y/n's pov*

The team was hanging out in mind and Tobins room for team bonding. We were watching the teams playing today and playing truth or Dare.

"Y/n. England vs Canada who you got money on?" Kelly asks.

"England 100% that's gonna be an easy win." I reply.

"I disagree I think Canada will win." Kelly says.

"I agree with that Canda will win." Tobin pipes in.

"Fine wanna make a bet?" I ask.

"What's the bet?" Kelly asks.

"$100 if England wins. $100 if Canada wins." I say.

"I'm down! You're so on Y/n." Kelly says.

The girls hear the bet and start butting in and placing down bets. They start throwing money in, at this point the game of truth or dare has stopped and we are just watching the England and Canada game and placing Down bets. 10 minutes into the game my phone pings. It was a message from Tobin.

Tobin: Wanna make our own bet?

Me: I'm listening.

Tobin: if Canada wins I get to do whatever I want to you 😏🤤

Me: Me but if I win I get to fuck you and free use you the rest of the weekend love.

Tobin: Deal.

Tobin looks over at me, smiling and blushing darkly. She bites her lip and stares at my crotch.

Tobin: just know you're gonna lose baby.

Me: So confident makes me wanna fuck you even more.

I swipe up and then my phone off. I set it off to the side, me and Tobin go back to watching the game. We start throwing in money, each person throws in $20.

30 minutes in Canada is up 2-0. "You guys are gonna loose. This is gonna be an easy win for me, Tobin, Mal, Alex and Christen." Ash says.

I smirk at Ash as she says this. "So cocky and confident. Careful Ash, you might loose your luck and end up loosing." I say.

"Pffft whatever. Canada vs England what a fucking joke. It'll be an easy win." Tobin chimes in.

"Keep talking and I'll have you guys throw in another $20." I say.

"Okay Bet." Tobin says. Tobin pulls out another $20 bill and tosses it onto the table. Everyone else does the same. Tobin, Ash, Mal, Alex and Christen are all rooting for Canada.

Me, Hope, Carli, Ali and Julie are rooting for England. I lean over and whisper to Ali.

"Leah Willamson is gonna nut Meg the 2 players and dribble the ball 15 yards. She's gonna get to the 15 yard line and smash it into the net and make the score 2-1." I say.

Ali looks at me, we watch the game and sure enough it happens. Ali gasps and looks at me shocked.

I just shrug and smirk. Everyone looks over at us.

"Is she cheating over there?" Christen asks.

"No quite the opposite. You guys are screwed." Ali says.

Half time rolls around, the score is tied 4-4. Tobin and her team are getting more cocky and confident that Canada is going to win.

"Easy guys we still half another half." I say not looking away from the tv screen.

The game ends, England wins 6-4. I smirk and look over at the girls who were talking shit.

"What were you guys saying? Hmmm easy win?" I ask.

I look over at Tobin. Tobin was already checking me out and undressing me with her eyes. She was biting her lip and checking not like crazy. I grab the money off the table, I split it and spilt it between me and my group.

The girls call it a night and leave the room. Tobin follows them to the door and closes the door behind them. Tobin locks the door once she closes it, I snake my arms around her waist and kiss her neck.

"Mmm you ready to get what you deserve baby?" I ask.

"Y-Yes please give it to me." Tobin stutters.

I smirk, I kiss her neck and lower my hand and rub her over her shorts. Tobin moans in pleasure and presses her ass up against me and grinds me. I moan as Tobin starts grinding against my dick. I slip my hand in her shorts and panties and rub her folds. She was soaking wet.

Tobin moans and continues to grind against my dick. The friction makes me hard, I had a full boner now.

"Tobin... Fuck baby you're soaking wet." I say.

"Someone's getting hard." Tobin moans and continues to grind against my dick.

"Mmm." I moan as she continues to grind against me. I slide her shorts and boxers down her legs and toss them to the side. I take off her top and bra and toss them to the side.

Tobin turns around she gets on her knees. She slides my shorts and boxers down my legs and tosses them to the side. My boner springs out and at attention. I take off my shirt and sports bra and toss them off to the side.

Tobin licks my dick, I moan as she licks my dick teasing me. Once I'm hard she takes my length in her mouth.

"Mmm fuck." I moan in pleasure.

Tobin slowly bobs her head. The tip of my dick hits the ack of her throat. I man in pleasure.

"F-Fuck Toby, right there." I moan in pleasure and throw my head back as Tobin bobs her head faster and faster. Tobin takes my dick in her throat deep throating me.

"H-Holy fuck Tobin. Shit." I moan loudly and close my eyes.

Tobin bobs her head faster and continues to deep throat my dick choking and gagging a bit. I moan in pleasure as I feel myself getting close.

"I'm close Toby." I moan in pleasure.

Tobin hums against my dick and bobs her head a bit faster. I moan and place my hands on her head and make her bob her head faster throat fucking her. Tobin wraps her arms around my thighs as I throat fuck her.

"Guck guck guck." Tobin sucks my dick.

Tobin taps my leg. I pull my dick out of her mouth. Tobin coughs and gags trying to catch her breath.

She catches her breath. I put my dick back in her mouth and continue to throat fuck her as I feel myself getting close.

"Tobin baby I'm go-" I moan in pleasure.

Throat pie:

I'm unable to warn her in time. I can't take it anymore I bust my load in her mouth. Tobin chokes and gags a bit as I cum in her mouth.

Tobin swallows my load and sucks me dry getting the rest of my cum. My dick falls from her mouth. Tobin shows me a mouth full of cum. Some cum drips down her chin. Tobin smiles and swallows my load.

"Fuck Tobin you really know how to suck a dick." I moan in pleasure coming down from my high.

Tobin Giggles and kisses me. "I'm not done with you just yet."

Tobin grabs my hand and leads me to her bed. She pushes me back onto the bed and makes me lay on the bed. She gets on top of me she line my dick up with her pussy, she pushes the tip in and slowly sinks down on my dick.

"Mmm fuck so wet and warm." I moan.

"Mm fuck, I thought you were big in my mouth. You feel even bigger inside me." Tobin moans.

Tobin takes a moment to adjust to my size. Tobin slowly slides up and down on my dick, I moan and place my hands on her hips.

I moan as her walls immediately clench around my dick. Tobin moves up and down faster and a bit harder.

"Fuck baby just like that." I moan in pleasure.

"Yeah does daddy like that?" Tobin moans in pleasure.

"Yes baby it feels so good." I moan.

"Good... I'm gonna drain your balls in me." Tobin sexily moans.

Fuck that may have been the hottest thing I've heard.

Tobin goes faster and Harder. We both moan loudly in pleasure, she she slams her ass down on my dick.

"Oh F-Fuck. Right there." I moan in pleasure.

Tobin moans loudly and goes faster and faster. She moans loudly in pleasure and squirts all over my abs, thighs and all over the bed sheets.

I moan in pleasure as I feel myself getting close to cumming. Tobin moans and grips the head board as she goes faster and harder.

"Ahh I'm close." Tobin moans.

"Me too, don't stop Toby." I moan in pleasure.

Tobin goes as fast and as hard as she can. I moan in pleasure as I feel my balls tighten.

Tobin baby I'm gon-" I'm unable to warn her in time.

Creampie #1:

I can't take it anymore, I bust my load deep inside Tobins pussy and paint her walls white. Tobin cums all over my dick, we both moan in pleasure as I continue to unload my massive load deep inside her shooting ropes of thick sticky cum deep inside her.

Me and Tobin ride out our highs, once we both come down from our highs Tobin slowly gets off my dick.

Thick cum oozes out of Tobins pussy, cum coats her folds and drips down her thighs and onto my lap and onto the bed sheets.

Tobin moves to the middle of the bed and gets on all fours. I get up and move behind her, cum was still dripping and oozing out of her pussy.

I smirk and squeeze her ass a bit. "Fuck baby your ass is fat as fuck." I say and smack her ass a bit. Tobin giggles and moans as I do this, I smirk and slap her ass again.

"Fuck daddy I love you spanking my ass." Tobin moans.

"Like this?" I question. I spank her ass a bit harder than before. Tobin moans and throws her ass back against me.

"Harder daddy." Tobin

I smirk and slap her ass a bit harder. Tobin moans, I smirk and slide my dick back inside her cum filled pussy. Tobin moans as my dick is back deep inside her.

"Ahh so tight and warm." I moan.

I grab her hair and place my other hand on her hip, I slowly thrust in and out of her pussy from behind.

"Fuck baby. Yes pound my pussy just like that, mmm so fucking good." Tobin moans and grips the bed sheets.

I smirk, I pull her hair as I pound her pussy fast and hard. "You like that baby? My massive dick deep inside you stretching you out and filling you up with my load."

"Yes I love it. It feels so good." Tobin moans.

"You feel so good clenched around me. Such a slut for daddy's dick and cum. Aren't you?" I say and slap her ass.

Tobin moans in pleasure. "Fuck daddy I'm such a slut for your dick and cum."

I smirk and continue to pound her pussy fast and hard from behind. I pull her hair and hold onto her hip as I continue to fuck her.

"Fuck....Fuck.....Fuck." Tobin squeaks out with each thrust.

I go a bit faster. My balls slapping against her skin with each thrust. Our moans fill the room, Tobin screams my name in pleasure as I continue to fuck her from behind.

"Fuck I'm gonna squirt!" Tobin shouts.

Tobin moans and squirts like crazy all over my abs, dick and all over the sheets.

"Woah baby, look at that squirt." I say rubbing and squeezing her ass.

Tobin moans and throws her ass back against me sliding back and forth on my dick.

"Mmm shit Toby just like that." I moan in pleasure.

Tobin giggles. "Is Daddy getting close? You gonna bust your load deep inside of me babe. Do it, fill me up with your load." Tobin moans moving back and forth faster.

I moan in pleasure as I feel myself getting closer to cumming. "Toby baby, I'm close." I moan in pleasure.

I go at an angle and pour her g spot at a fast pace. Tobin screams in pleasure, and squirts again. I moan as I feel my balls tighten.

Creampie #2:

I can't take it anymore I slam my dick deep inside Tobins pussy and bust my load deep inside her painting her walls white. Tobin moans and cums all over my dick.

"Ahh~Fuck your cum feels amazing inside me." Tobin moans as I continue to pump her full of cum as I slowly thrust back and forth.

Thick cum oozes out of her pussy and drips onto the pussy. I smile and kiss Tobin deeply, Tobin smiles and kisses me back. Tobin is a really good kisser.

I get up, I grab Tobin and pull her to the edge of the bed. I rub my dick through her soaking cum glazed folds. Tobin moans as I do this.

"Mmm fuck my ass baby." Tobin moans.

I didn't know Tobin was into anal. I slide my dick inside her tight asshole and moan in pleasure as her walls immediately clench around my dick.

Fuck I could cum just from being in her ass. "Ahh fuck Tobin you're so tight I could cum just from being in your ass."

"Mmm you feel so big in my ass. I feel so full with you in my asshole." Tobin moans.

I help Tobin hold her legs up, I let her take a moment to adjust to my size.

"Tell me when to move baby." I say.

Tobin nods and takes a moment longer to adjust to my size. "Move."

I slowly thrust in and out of her. Tobin moans in pleasure.

"Fuck I don't think I'll last long in your tight asshole." I moan.

Tobin smirks. "Your pull out game is weak babe."

I smile and shake my head. "Fuck you, oh wait I am and I just came in you twice after you begged me too."

I hold her legs and go a bit faster and harder. Tobin moans in pleasure, Tobins eyes roll to the back of her head as I continue to fuck her fast and hard.

"So fucking good~" Tobin moans.

I moan in pleasure and go faster and harder. I feel myself getting closer to cumming.

"Fuck baby, you're so tight." I moan in pleasure.

"Yes baby, drain your balls in me." Tobin moans.

I moan loudly in pleasure as I pound her tight asshole. Tobins eyes roll to the back of her head, as I fuck her faster and harder. She orgasms and squirts, her legs shake and buckle in pleasure.

I giggle and kiss her. "Mmm sexy Orgasm babe."

I moan as I feel myself getting closer and closer. "Ah I'm close."

I moan loudly as I feel my balls tighten. Tobin moans and cums all over my dick, this sends me over the edge.

Creampie #3:

I can't take it anymore. I slam my dick deep inside her, and bust my load deep in her ass. Tobin moans as I paint her walls white abs shoot ropes of thick sticky cum deep inside her ass.

"Ahhh fuck~" I moan coming down from my high.

Tobin giggles. She pulls me down and kisses me deeply, I kiss her back and we make out for a few minutes.

I slowly pull out of her ass both me and Tobin moan. Cum oozes out of her ass and drips down the bed and onto the floor.

Tobin grabs my hand and leads me to the bathroom.

"If you're fast enough we'll go another round in the shower." Tobin says.

Fuck Tobin is amazing in bed. I giggle to myself who knew Tobin was a slut in bed? Tobin hears me giggle and looks at me confused.

“What?” She smiles.

“Who knew the Tobin Heath was a slut in bed. I thought you were Dom and here I am Doming you.” I tease her.

She blushes darkly. “S-Shut up.” She cutely stutters.

I laugh and kiss her. “Mmm you’re so cute when you pout.” I say and kiss her pout away.

We strip our clothes and get in the shower. We shower and get dried off, we are too tired to get dressed so we ended up falling asleep naked. We slept with my dick inside Tobin.

[autistic-bowlcut-swag]

Propaganda under the cut

Jeff Andonuts

-Overall characterized as pretty awkward, the kid first introduces himself by listing his flaws (including “I’m very nearsighted” among them, the silly, that’s a neutral trait!) and then saying he wished they could be friends when he literally just saved people that called him over there telepathically with the phrase “friend we never met” in there! Almost like he was rattling off a memorized script in a way and I say this in the most awww look how hard he’s trying way possible. He’s pretty implied to be nocturnal as he works during the night and his specialty is fixing busted technology. He’s very good at it too! His dad was also a scientist but their relationship is interesting? Anyway, tldr his dad was always so absorbed in his work that they hadn’t seen each other in 10 years while Jeff was at boarding school and for context, Jeff is 13. Relationship with mother unknown. Do not ask. We don’t know either. Anyway, he’s got the autistic swag in the tbh stares at you blankly way. You can’t even see his eyes in most official art, so he’s just peak -_- to me right behind Frisk Undertale. Did anyone submit them too? Maybe I will if I have the energy.

-saved my life while i was playing this game also he has guns and can make a lot of gadgets he cannot crit but also cannot miss and hes super genius

Peter

-pathetic below average guy at the beginning of the story, everyone treats him like shit. then he gets possessed by an angel and he has to go kill god. he meets two guys and he falls in love with one of them and through the power of love and friendship and gay people they save the universe and also peter kind of becomes god. anyways its never outright said that hes autistic but he very clearly is and ive never met a single person in the fandom who disagrees. his special interest is rocks and he used to have a job sorting them at the rock factory. he has a pet lizard named lizard. hes still a pretty below average guy throughout all of the god killing stuff also but hes pretty nice and his humanity single handedly changed the narrative. he had gay sex

-autism swag . he likes rocks

-OHHHH BOY. Peter Sqloint was just a dude with a lizard until the archangel of retribution Exandroth possessed him. then he met Rumi (WHO HE WILL LATER HAVE SEX WITH AND MARRY BECAUSE OF HIS AUTISTIC SWAG) and Thanatos (big robot bitch who likes the lizard and hates Gods) (they all hate gods) (they kill gods). Anyway Peter Sqloint is THE Autistic with a Bowl Cut ever :3 OH he beats exandroth in a battle in his mind after he's stabbed by Thanatos (it wasnt his fault, a god put a spell on him). He comes back though, so it's chill

[hetalia-club]

I'm not normally one to rant or anything but here goes.

I hesitate to tag this. but I feel it needs to be said, in fact I feel it HAS to be said or I think this fandom is just going to be done for within the next 5 or so years. People need to read this and understand what is happening within the fandom and not continue this behavior or turn a blind eye to it.

This fandom has a SERIOUS problem. I don't say that lightly either. I feel like 99% of this fandom are sweet and caring people. but we have that 1%.

This 1% is killing the community in this fandom. How is it okay to message someone, demand they make a statement on THEIR blog and when they say they don't want to talk about it you then tell them you wish they would die a horrible death?

TW for suicide and SA! (you have been warned) Long rant below. (preempted note to let everyone know that I am fine, I am not posting this for people to feel bad for me. I am using my own experiences as examples, but this is not a 'me' issue this is a fandom issue)

Why is that so normalized here? The vague blogging and the call to arms people in this fandom do is actually disgusting. Picking one person and just beating them down until they eventually leave the fandom and at the SAME people will be like. "Why is the Hetalia fandom so small?" Who wants to be in a fandom where making one statement that's not even bad could get you death threats?

I don't think the fandom realizes how hurtful what they say can be. Sure you might not have liked a post someone made because you disagreed. Well then scroll down, hit the block button and carry on with your life. Why do some of you feel it is acceptable behavior to make mass posts calling out someone or going into their inbox to tell them you wish they would kill themselves?

I say I don't like Spamano and people say they want me dead. I say I don't want to talk about IRL politics on my parody Hetalia blog and my life and entire country is threatened.

I say we shouldn't insert our ships into everyone's lives and let people ship what they want and not feel forced to appease you. and you guessed it people wish terrible things onto me and my body.

I feel the only way this behavior will change is if we start calling it out more. I know it will feel repetitive but I think ignoring it is only making it worse at this point.

I know a lot of people would read this and think "If you don't like it then leave the fandom" well YOU'RE the issue. This is not normal behavior. These are not actions of someone who is mentality well. Why should I leave a fandom I've been in for 10 years because some idiot cannot handle that I don't like shipping characters together? How is that impacting their life at all?

a few months ago I made a post and it was highjacked and someone totally just took it over and added their own thing onto it talking about SA. Totally out of left field not related to what I posted at all. I simply messaged them and asked them if they could please remove the comment as I am a survivor of SA and it don't think it was funny or appropriate to add onto my post and they just said. "No I can say anything I want to. I was talking about Hetalia so it's fine." like what do you mean no!? Who responds that way? What a normal considerate person would do is say "I'm sorry of course! I can just go make my own post." but no they just left it there. It's still there, won't say which post or who it was because it doesn't matter anymore.

But this is the kind of behavior I'm talking about. This weird entitlement of everyone being so defensive and angry all the time. Just wanting to pick a fight over nothing. You never know if simply saying something like (Example) "I don't really like Austria" Could land you 100 anons all saying they wanted you to off yourself. It's like a game of Russian roulette. It's a very stressful environment for a big creator to be in. All it really takes is the wrong person to see a post you made and disagreed with and all of a sudden they are making posts about you without mentioning your name but are CLEARLY about you saying "This person hates all Austrians, they are a neo-nazi and we should all block them and send them hate and also let's just reword what they said to make it sound 100x worse because people won't read the original post and they will just believe us." Who would want to be a creator in an environment like that?

would you believe me if I told you I still to this day am getting someone in my inbox calling for my r*pe because of the stupid fucking beauty pageant poll I did? Is that not insanity? Who is that person? Wtf is their life? I personally could not imagine sending hate to anyone for any reason, and if I did it would be off of anon and I would say it with my chest. Because in order for someone to push it that far they would have to saying some absolutely terrible stuff to make me take time from my day and life to give them negative energy.

The fandom is shrinking because of the 1% driving them away. They come after artists who draw a character in a way they don't like. They come after writers for depicting a character in a way they disagree with. They go after shippers for portraying their ship 'wrong'. They will comment on people's fun little head canons and just leave the rudest most unnecessary comments thinks like "He wouldn't do that" like okay?? Thanks for your insert betty sue. And it's always when you were never trying to set someone off is when they lose their minds. They do not understand even if a blog is big and has a lot of followers it is still THAT creators blog. they are a person not an identity who just churns out content for just you and they have to say and do whatever you want.

Another thing the 1% like to do on here is they will wait for you to say something and then they will jump to attack a person who does the thing you said you dislike and they will tell that person "blog name XYZ said you are a horrible person and I agree kill yourself" That one is a near direct quote I got not too long ago. I got several like that and actually had to message said creator and say "Why are you mad at me?" and they were completely confused, had no idea how they decided to attack me because of what they said. When I tell you that the 1% are sitting there frothing at the mouth wanting to send hate and death threats I mean that 100%

It's not JUST me either. All creators in the Hetalia fandom I'm sure could tell you about upsetting hate they received and had no idea what they even did or said wrong. I have spoken to former Hetalia blogs ones who I used to call my pals before I went on my hiatus and came back. They all said they left not because they started hating Hetalia but they left for their mental health because the 1% got too bold and unchecked. This was never an issue before quarantine. I know it brought a lot of new fans and that's great! But I also feel along with bringing in some wonderful people it brought in some really dark minded people as well. Saying "Just disable anons and move on" is also not a solution. these people are still here and if they're not bothering me or you they are tormenting someone else because that's what these people do. That 'someone else' may only need the tiniest nudge at the edge and they may just actually hurt themselves. You don't know people. You don't know what everyone is going through. You don't know what someone's life is like outside of here.

PLEASE Please! stop telling people to kill themselves. Stop telling people to go get R**ed in a gutter. Get some help talk to a therapist, a friend, a trusted teacher, a life coach, your parents, your sibling. anyone! And if you don't have anyone in your life you can talk to you can message me and we can talk about what you're going through. I'm sure any other Hetalian on here would say the same thing. Bloggers are real people.

International suicide hotlines

Website to help you find a therapist in your own country and in your price range

I know I will more than likely get hate for posting this. Which is upsetting to just know is going to happen but someone needs to say this because it's getting kind of out of control these last couple months I feel.

if you read this through reblog it, spread it around let the people who NEED to see it see it.

[ssruis]

7 and 12 for the ask game? •v•

12 - favorite NPC:

SEIR💃🏻YU🕺IN💃🏻 SA🕺KU💃🏻RAKO‼️‼️🔛🔝💯

Unless we’re counting nonhuman npcs because I also love nenerobo and usachan. She’s tied with them.

7 - popular hc you disagree with/hc you have that you’re surprised isn’t more popular:

(Under the cut because I don’t shut up)

Do not agree with “kanade is tsukasa’s sibling” at all. It’s cute & no disrespect or hate to the people who enjoy that hc have fun and enjoy yourself. I’ve seen it done well. but as an annoying canon purist I have to say that I think it completely misunderstands both tsukasa’s mindset around being an older brother & his relationship with toya (wrt why he considers toya like a brother).

Tsukasa isn’t adopting younger siblings left and right, he’s just modeled so much of his personality off of being a good older brother that it is deeply entrenched in what he thinks a star should act like. It’s why he places so much importance on being a responsible senior/role model at school. “I want to be a star” & “I want to be a good older brother” get combined in his brain as a kid -> “what a star acts like is (traits that make a good older brother) so I will be doing all of these things when interacting with others” -> he just acts like that now.

He’s very caring & helpful towards everyone but that’s 1) not an “you’re my sibling now” thing 2) often overshadows the fact that he can be pretty self absorbed in fanon. While this helpfulness is definitely genuine and I do think he likes to make other people happy, he also is doing it because it’s how he believes he should be acting as a future star and he likes to be viewed as a responsible mature helpful person. He is doing it for himself AND for others. & notably he’s a lot more likely to show the older-brother-tsukasa side to his close friends & especially his siblings whereas everyone else gets world-future-star-tsukasa.

Toya is his brother because they’ve known each other for like 10 years. And (imo) because there was an unconscious “saki is in the hospital and I can’t do anything to help her and I have nowhere for these big brother tendencies to go. Thankfully there’s a sad little blue thing for me to act like this towards” thing going on in tsukasa’s head & toya was very “sad little blue thing that really needs someone who’s first priority is making toya happy” at that point so these two factors combined to create a very beautiful and strong sibling relationship.

I think half of my beef with it also stems from the fact that this hc often overshadows his relationship with saki (& to a lesser extent toya) in fan works and I adore the relationship tsukasa&saki have so it makes me :(.

Kanade is Tsukasa’s age, they’re both nearly adults, & kanade has niigo and her grandmother to support her. While I think it would be sweet if they became friends I really can’t see them forging a strong bond as it is. Also I know this hc popped up because hirose said he’d want kanade as a sister but I also want to point out that for that same question toki said he’d want tsukasa as a brother iirc. So.

Honorable mentions go to any form of angstkasa, any interpretation of rui&nene drifting apart that places the blame on nene, any hc that makes rui malicious & conniving or emu stupid, “x female character and x male character are siblings” with zero reason for it beyond the fact that for some reason a m/f dynamic can’t be platonic it either has to be familial or romantic, etc.

Hc I have that isn’t more popular… I know it’s probably been disproven in canon, but I like to think that Rui’s mom’s job is very animal focused (zoologist maybe) and this is why he has a fondness for so many strange animals and a wealth of animal facts ready to be deployed at any moment. I also think he watches random documentaries/video essays/podcasts/etc while working on stuff and this is partially why he knows so much random shit.

I also think rui is a dog person (he likes cats he just really likes dogs) & tsukasa is a person who claims to not like cats but is universally loved by cats. like they will not leave him alone. so now he’s fond of them and has become a cat person.

Other assorted ones:

> nene does like physical touch (from friends) she’s just also so so so prone to over thinking every single social interaction that she doesn’t feel comfortable initiating it. so emu being someone who wants to be touching her 24/7 actually works well for her.

> I think emu can ride horses. Her family has horse money and she seems like a kid who would like doing that. She can understand horses… horse whisperer… wxs has to go to a stable for some reason and a super skittish horse approaches emu and really bonds with her & rui is like (looks at emu and the horse) (looks at nene) ahh I see.

> tsukasa would watch and read a lot of musicals/plays/etc when he was home alone as a form of comfort and this is why he talks like that. Still thinking about “parting is such sweet sorrow” or whatever he said to vbs in the new years event like we get it you’re a theatre kid tsukasa.

> nene has some degree of coding knowledge and dabbled in game making in the time period after she froze on stage & before she joined wxs. she never finished making a game because 1. Really hard 2. Anytime she’d be struggling with something it would remind her that she wasn’t as close with rui anymore and she’d get sad

> emu has a lot of random strange talents but because she’s friends with rui “oh i know how to do [thing he has literally zero reason to be good at]” kamishiro this has never been relevant. She could, however, break out her parkour skills at any second (ominous).

> emu’s looney tunes esque parkour skills are a result of going places and climbing things she was not supposed to as a kid. Shes managed to keep her joyous and whimsical outlook and thought process partially because she’s been working at pxl since she was little so she’s constantly interacting with kids.

> nene thinks reptiles are pretty cool but she could never own one because feeding one mice would gross her out & she would die if she had to feed one bugs.

> When wxs were doing their ambassador shows shousuke would get them 2 hotel rooms with 2 beds each but because wxs are pack animals (of the clown genus) emu would frequently drag nene to rui + tsukasa’s room and they would all hang out until tsukasa made them all go to sleep at a reasonable time.

> tsukasa & emu can sleep anywhere anytime. Nene has mild insomnia and rui has both awful insomnia and struggles to sleep unless he’s somewhere familiar. even if he’s dead tired. Somehow the sound of Tsukasa’s cartoonishly loud snoring became familiar enough to rui’s brain that it made it easier for him to sleep.

[icarusredwings]

Partically inspired by @giddyaunt425

Went to the pool today and had some thoughts (because I can't escape the brain rot sooo)

What I think everyone would be doing at the

☆Incarnation and Co Pool Party☆

For regulation reasons, only those who are available are attending, including all of the past incarnations due to some sort of freak accident at UNIT that im too lazy to think of right now.

(Feel free to add what else you think these lunatics would be doing! Use the tag #Incarnation pool party)

1 is laying under an umbrella half asleep and complaining that he's going to get a sunburn if he falls asleep.

('But if Susan was here, she wouldn't let me get burnt')

2 has been given a beach ball and is honestly just happy to be playing in the water. He told 1 that he would keep an eye on him, but let's be honest - he already forgot.

(And he missed Jamie. He probably would have mentioned Atlantis.)

3 and Delgado! Master are over in the sand pit, bickering on how their sand castle should look.

(3 says it shouldn't have that many windows, Delgado disagrees, making more windows and claiming that they need the natural lighting.)

4 is in nothing but his scarf and his trunks taking a nap on one of the sun bathing chairs.

(This is probably the best sleep he's had in a long time, but... He pprroobbaallyy has a sunburn now. This is what 1 was worried about.)

So is Yana!Master, who was lucky enough to be prudish enough to only show his forearms and shins, which are now also burnt.

(Despite Donna's constant shouting about sunscreen and how 'You blokes are too pale to be out here with nothin' but your longjohns!' But he is still infact the Master. Which means, of course, denying authority)

5 is in the field portion trying to teach Dhawan! Master, Dan, and Martha how to play cricket. (but is getting visibly frustrated. Seriously- who signed him up to babysit?)

Tegan is watching 5 trying to understand Dhawan's nonsense from the sidelines, smirking.

(She signed him up to babysit)

6 has the most ridiculous looking one piece known to man, sitting on the edge of the pool at the deep end.

(He's kicking his legs in the water and cheekily splashing 7 and Mel)

Mel is on 7s arm in a frilly two-piece, giggling at the fact 7 refuses to take off his hat despite the water being up to his chest.

(He's asking Ace not to drown him, Ace responds, 'No promises, professor' and proceeds to dunk him, which gets them the whistle for roughhousing. His hat is now soaked.)

Graham is talking about processing grief with 9. (The name Grace has come up at least 30 times already.)

9 seems weary of the water. (Sometime later, he's found hugging 10 and telling him about the beach they took Rose to.)

8 is on the other side of the pool, slathered in SPF 80° with a book and regretting his seating choices. He's trying his darndest to ignore his neighbors.

(While also evesdroping each time he hears the name 'Grace')

His neighbor in question is Donna, who is already four margaritas in and keeps shouting at various things at people over the very loud party music that's playing from under her chair's radio.

(Sometimes threatening to drown a specific someone if they didn't stop terrorizing Ainley!Master, who kept hissing for getting purposly splashed)

From 'Do a flip!' Towards Simm!Master, who keeps hogging the diving board, demanding that 10 watch every single jump and challenging him to make bigger splashes than him.

(Donna told Simm that 10 needs babysat and 15 told 10 that Simm needs babysat so now they are both simultaneously babysitting each other)

To 'WOOO! Get'em!' At the game of Chicken going on between a team of 11 and 13 VS 12 and Missy.

12 is complaining that Missy is heavy and Missy accuses him of insinuating something, which in turn leads to 13 insulting 12.

(That he was 'just weak and couldn't afford the upgrade because she can carry 11 just fine'.)

14 is next to her and can't stop laughing at her shenanigans. Sometimes, he tries apologizing to 8 and Roberts! Master (who keeps covering his ears from such loud music and shouting) but, unfortunately, is SEVEN margaritas in.

(So was otherwise just as- if not more- noisy and is now attempting to dance)

S10 Saxon!Master has rolled his eyes at least a billion times by now at the others' antics (smirking at the sight of their hiddeous dancing) and keeps finishing off 14s half drank margaritas.

(You would need a drink too if you had to deal with all this bullshit)

All the way across the pool, Ruby and Yaz are gossiping about their time with the Doctor and their past incarnations. (They're heavily trying to figure out what the Masters deal is too, Seriously- why are some of them chill, some creepy, some insane and some flat out an ass? They had a list as follows;

The sensitive master: Chill + Creepy

The girl master: Chill + Insane

The grandpa master: Chill + Chill

The bitchy master: Ass + Ass

13s master: Creepy + Insane

The master with rabies: Insane + insane

The one master who apprently knows a lot about sand castles: Chill + Ass

The master that kept hissing when you splash water on him: Creepy + Ass)

15 is sat on a life gaurd tower, whistle around his neck, sonic in hand and in an orange speedo, watching everyone like a hawk so that his past selves can heal and enjoy themselves.

(Oh, and did I mention Donna confiscated everyone's Sonic's/Lazers except for 15s?)

[dez-wade]

GODDDD OKAY Tubbo and Bagi are honestly like, the perfect people for Forever to become closer with BECAUSE they are very blunt and upfront. It's something I appreciate about Phil's friendship with Forever too like they're take no bullshit and will directly talk to him if there's an issue.

It's especially helpful since I feel like Forever struggles a lot when people are sarcastic with him in English or "obviously" not being truthful or not being direct since it isn't HIS language. Bagi speaks Portuguese too, and Tubbo also struggles with sarcasm and is usually quite straight forward which is something I feel like Forever needs since he's quite earnest and open with the people he loves.

He does just deserve so much more, and he DOES have so many good friendships that both him and his fans don't realize where the other person actually cares for HIM and HIS safety and happiness nd not his title as president. (Etoiles, Philza, Cellbit, Pac, Roier, maybe Tina, the other Brazilians, etc)

I knowww his character is just like that, far too forgiving and willing to accept the way others treat him but I need him to be friends with someone who won't take his shit but also won't let certain people walk all over him and call his one sided trust and loyalty "friendship". Just...I want him to be close with people who care for him and for him to realize just how many people he has who trust him and that being ganged up on and accused of horrible things because you dared disagree with ur "close friend" isnt Normal Friend Things

Sorry I think Forever finally realizing it's a duo, NOT a trio made me finally snap after months of watching him fight while feeling completely alone since he thought he only had those two who treated him with mistrust and actively tried to turn everyone against him and richas who was uninterested in having a relationship with him before being literally kidnapped

Ramblings about q!Forever and his friendships.

You made a really good point about Forever needing to have friendships that are more blunt and upfront. BBH likes to lie and gaslight for fun, Baghera does that too sometimes and Forever usually takes it as face value. Which is why he snapped on Bad and started talking Portuguese when he went all mockingly "it's sarcasm" when Forever didn't understand. They also do a lot of mind games that Forever wasn't even aware of.

People got mad that Forever never believes when BBH says something but that's because HE ALWAYS LIES. I think what happened now made sure that Forever will never believe BBH again, even if he tells the truth (that he only tells after telling 10 lies before) because it finally clicked to him that BBH will lie about everything because he can, even if there's absolutely no need to. He actually trusted BBH every time he said he didn't do something that he actually did (like the pranks on his base).

Having him get closer to people who are more earnestly like him, don't do mind games and are clear about what they're feeling is something that he definitely needs. It also explains why he has such a warped sense of what his friendship with Baghera and Bad actually were.

I REALLY wish he learned about what happened with his gun. What would have been just something small before, with the current situation, it would really enlighten him that is something that is always happening. For big, and small things.

I stop deluding myself that he'd cut ties with them for good, I just really need at least that he stops treating them priority and value his friendship with other people more. No matter who it is at this point, as long as it's someone who just earnestly likes and trusts him.

I always had people saying I want Forever to have a "yes-man" because I complained about BBH and Baghera never agreeing with anything that Forever decides to do. But they never supported him in any of his decisions. Like, I think the only thing they didn't complain about was N.I.N.H.O. and hell I think if Forever tried to come up with that idea today they would twist into the worst case scenario. And even then, after he was completing NINHO, I remember Etoiles tried to come up with an idea of having a council with the strongest members on the island so they could mediate between conflicts that could affect everyone like the Regret arc. Forever liked the idea and tried to tell Bad, who immediately twisted into the worst case scenario that they would be bullies that arrest people. So it's something that always happened, you know? Even before the election arc. They never trust him to make big decisions. It's something that made me appreciate insaneduo so much back in the election arc, because it was such a relief to see him speak with someone who valued his ideas, added to it, or just argued normally why it wasn't good.

I think the reason he's so forgiving is that he's trying to be his better self, since he wasn't a good person in the past, so he thinks he should be the bigger person and let people walk over him. I don't think he found a balance of what a good person that helps the people actually is. There's also the fact that at the end of the day, he's at a point where he truly doesn't care about anyone or anything besides Richarlyson and making sure that he leaves the island. That's why he can't even hate Cucurucho (despite obviously not liking him) even with the fact that he pretty much tortured him, because Richarlyson wasn't affected so he thinks it's not important.

I really, really wanted that Forever had someone at his side that didn't make him feel Richarlyson was everything he has. That if, God forbid, Richarlyson died one day he'd at least think he still has someone for him besides just dying together with his son.

[kris-mage-fics]

Thanks for the tag @phenanthreneblue!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? Eight 2. What's your total AO3 word count? 7,656. So far I've only published short little one-shots. 3. What fandoms do you write for? Shepherds of Haven, Scarlet Hollow, and Ebon Light. 4. Top five fics by kudos 1. Had it Been Anyone Else (Ebon Light, it's Haron angst hours lol, spoilers for the end of the game on Ernol's route) 2. A New Room (Ebon Light, Haron fluff, spoilers for the end of the game) 3. Fog (Scarlet Hollow, Tabitha angst, no real spoilers) 4. An Unlikely Engagement (Shepherds of Haven, Kyrahlise/Blade, very, very minor spoiler for Chapter 8) 5. The Best Proof of Love is Trust (Shepherds of Haven, spoilers for Chapter 3 which is in the public demo) It doesn't escape me that they are almost in publication order 5. Do you respond to comments? Always! Though sometimes it takes me a while to do so. I rarely get them so it isn't that hard to respond to them. 6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Absolutely Had it Been Anyone Else! It's literally pure angst. Though when I write for Tabitha it always ends up angsty too, so Fog and The Secret of the Greenhouse aren't exactly sunshine and roses. 7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Some may disagree, but I think The Best Proof of Love is Trust has a very happy ending! 8. Do you get hate on fics? Not so far.

9. Do you write smut? No? Yes? I've written some, but haven't published any. Smut is hard for me to write because I visualize everything, and there's a lot to visualize in a smut scene compared to a scene without much action. So it's exhausting to write. Also I suspect it's harder to keep sustained enough interest to write a full scene because I'm on the asexual spectrum. It's not something I'm opposed to, it's just harder than other writing for me. That said, there is a sex scene I really want to write, but it probably won't be very sexy, lol! 10. Craziest crossover? Haven't written any. 11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not as far as I know. 12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope. 13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, but it would be foolish to say it'll never happen. ;) 14. All time favourite ship? I could make a tier list, but I don't have a favorite anymore than I have a favorite food or tea or board game, lol! 15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I started a fic that's a newspaper article on Kyrahlise. It's written as a hit piece on the Hero of Haven, trying to imply she's actually a bad person. The reporter interviewed people in Ashtown who know her, but reading between the lines you figure out they didn't dig up anything and are just overly skeptical of a Diminished woman who quickly gained some fame and power. I planned to end it with a little segment from the perspective of someone Kyrah used to know, where they figure out she's now the Hero everyone won't shut up about. I still like the idea, I just doubt I'll ever finish it.

Also I started one where it's written like the reports from one of the people sent to spy on Blade. Thing is the spy knows Blade, so they see him falling for Kyrahlise and are like, "wtf?!? is she enchanting him? is he actually in love? omg he's so bad at this! wow, it looks like she actually likes him too!" Also they think Kyrah is super sus because a lot of the things she does don't make sense and aren't explained. (Full disclosure: this idea was heavily inspired by a conversation other people had on the ShoH patreon.) 16. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue and banter, always knowing where my characters are in a scene and what they are doing (the upside of the visualization thing), sweet/cute moments, and angst when I'm in the right mood. 17. What are your writing weaknesses? Finishing, lol! Editing, it's hard for me to let go of trying to be 'perfect'. I'll get really stuck on a sentence or paragraph and obsessively revise it even though it's fine, just because I think it can be better. I know it's not healthy or sustainable, and I'm working on it. (I can point to a particular sentence in a fic that I literally spent hours on!) Action! It's the same visualization problem I have with writing smut, it's a lot to keep in my head and it quickly wears me out. Getting the right voice for a lot of characters. My writing tends to be introspective and verbose, which doesn't work for everyone. So it's a struggle to find a balance between the character's voice and my natural writing style. 18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I think it's great, for other people to write! I'm pretty terrible at languages, and don't trust myself to get it right without consulting someone who knows that language. Given a lot of what I write for is fantasy with made up languages, that's not going to happen. 19. First fandom you wrote in? Ebon Light, in fact it's the reason I even tried writing in the first place! 20. Favorite fic you've written? I think it's a three way tie between: The Secret of the Greenhouse -- I think I did a good job getting some creepy vibes in such a short piece. It doesn't align with canon at all, but in my opinion it's my best Scarlet Hollow fic. The Best Proof of Love is Trust -- I feel like I succeeded at my goal of showing just how much thought Kyrahlise put into a big choice in Chapter 3, as well as some of her character and past. Had it Been Anyone Else -- I had the sudden need to break Haron's heart. I seem to have accomplished the mission since 100% of the comments mention it being either sad or heartbreaking.

Ngl, I don't know who to tag on this one. Because besides Phen, and one other person, I think most people I know only have one work on ao3, or none. So open tagging it is! If you see this and want to join in, consider yourself tagged, whether you are a mutual or not!

[luxlisbons]

Voulez-Vous? - part i

Mencken's ego takes a hit when Harriet's eye wanders to the newly elected French president. In response, he engineers a grand state dinner, turning diplomatic affairs into a battlefield of jealousy.

part of the "before there's hell to pay" universe: part i - part ii - part iii

pairing: jeryd mencken x original female character. 4k

warnings: affairs, unhealthy relationships, dubious morality, explicit language, age difference, smut, religious imagery & symbolism, unprotected sex, pov first person, the french

a/n: lmao so... this idea came to be thanks to @rxgirlie and i's obsession with a current french actor known for playing a lawyer in a film (iykyk), so picture him as marcel reynaud (who will make his appearance in the second part). thank you so much to Kels and my friend Lu @nyheartbreak for proofreading and encouraging me to post this.

Read on AO3.

It all started with an online poll. The Buzzfeed type of crap you read while waiting for the clock to strike 5 pm in your crummy little open space office. 

“The definitive list of the 10 hottest presidents”

Usually, despite his very alienating politics, Mencken would place number one. What can I say? Everyone loves a bad boy, especially one they can fix with sex. Attention was brought to his steely gaze, the danger and confidence he exuded in his speeches, and his past as a 90s rock band member:

“Okay but 90s Mencken??? Twink goals, honestly😍”

“Mencken got me like 😱🔥”

“I never thought I'd say this, but Jeryd Mencken, you're kinda hot 😅 “

“He is such a silver fox zaddy 🦊”

His unofficial title became “Silver Fox in Chief”, and it gave us tabloid fodder for when we wanted to deflect from his racist dog whistles and controversial actions in D.C., which was a lot of the time for very obvious reasons. We were like puppet masters pulling the strings, orchestrating this wild media circus around Mencken. It was a classic ATN move, redirecting attention from the messy stuff and instead shining the spotlight on Mencken's supposed charm.

We brainstormed catchy hashtags and encouraged people to share their favorite Mencken moments online. It was all about creating a narrative that suited our agenda – making him this irresistible figure, a distraction from the serious issues at hand. We knew how to play the game, and damn, did it work. The internet ate it up, and suddenly, Mencken was not just a president; he was a phenomenon.

The internet had found a new obsession; fancams flooded the internet– from the way he adjusted his tie to the subtle glances he threw at the camera during press conferences. TikTok became a breeding ground for creative edits, with old concert footage seamlessly synchronized to modern pop hits, each video racking up millions of views and fueling the ever-growing fandom. 

Twitter experienced a constant Mencken presence. Anytime the president made a public appearance or donned a new suit, his name would surge to the top of trending lists. The online obsession transcended political boundaries; even those who vehemently disagreed with Mencken's policies found themselves unable to resist his allure.

His press conferences were now attended not just by political journalists but also by entertainment reporters eager to capture the latest juicy details about the "hottest president" phenomenon. Mencken, bemused and enjoying the attention, tried to redirect the conversation to policy matters, while also stoking the fires with quips and acknowledgments of his sex symbol status.

His fanbase (which consisted of both ironic and genuine fans) even created a nickname for themselves: the “Mencken Fuckers”. They organized themselves into a formidable online community. They created fan art, fan fiction, and even fan-made music videos that further propelled the president into pop culture stardom. The group's ironic name didn't deter their dedication; they wore it as a badge of honor, unapologetically reveling in their unconventional admiration for the leader of the free world.

One such video caught my undivided attention while doomscrolling through TikTok late at night. It was one created with candid moments in which I appeared beside him, laughing and talking with Lana Del Rey’s song “Let The Light In” playing in the background. The chemistry between the both of us, set against the dreamy soundtrack, fueled speculation and excitement among the Mencken Fuckers. It both amused and mortified me how close to the actual truth they were.

Caption: "Is it just me, or are these two looking like the ultimate power duo? 👀💼💫 #CloseEncounters #PoliticalChemistry"

Comments:

1. @ShipperSupreme: Move over romance novels, this is the love story we didn't know we needed! 😂❤️

2. @CuriousMinds: Are we witnessing the birth of a new power couple? 👫💫

3. @LaughingWithLana: Lana Del Rey's song just makes this whole thing even more iconic! 🎶🔥

4. @Daydreamer_Deluxe: I ship it! 😍💘 Who needs reality when we can have this fantasy?

5. @RealityCheck: Wait, are we calling them #Menkenriet or #Harren now? 🤔

6. @CupidInTheComments: My arrows of love have found a new target! 💘🏹

7. @PoliticalLoveAffairs: Move aside, political drama; we're here for the romance! 🇺🇸❤️

I couldn’t help myself, I sent the link to Mencken, who after some technical wrangling on his part “I’m 54, of course I’m not gonna have Tik Tok installed for fuck’s sake” finally saw it.

The ringing of the phone cut through the silence of my empty apartment, startling General Meow from her nap and sending her scurrying toward the living room. I sighed, muttering to myself about the timing, and picked up after the first ring, feeling like a good little lap dog.

"Hey there, Mencken," I greeted, smirking to myself as I imagined his perplexed expression on the other end. "Ready for a little adventure in the world of internet?"

Mencken's voice echoed through the line, confusion lacing every word, "Harriet, what in the hell is going on? Why are people shipping us? Are we supposed to be getting something delivered?"

Suppressing a laugh, I explained, "No, Mencken, it's not about deliveries. It's a term they use on the internet when people want two characters or real people to be in a romantic relationship. They call it 'shipping.'"

There was a brief pause before Mencken asked incredulously, "Shipping? Like cargo and ships?"

I chuckled, covering my mouth to stifle the laughter. "Not quite. It's short for 'relationship.' They think we're the ultimate power couple, Mencken."

"Is this some kind of secret code or a new political term I missed in my briefings?" Mencken's confusion was palpable.

I couldn't help but tease, "No secret code, just internet slang. They're imagining us as this influential and glamorous duo."

Another pause, then Mencken's voice returned, this time more incredulous, "You're telling me there are people out there who think we're having an affair? With each other?"

"Yep, that's the gist of it. Welcome to the world of shipping, Mencken. It's a strange place," I replied, my grin growing wider. “And they've even given us a ship name – #Menckenriet. Catchy, right?" I couldn't help but enjoy the absurdity of it all.

Mencken sighed on the other end, probably shaking his head, "I can't believe this is happening."

"Embrace the fame, Mencken! Who knows, maybe we'll start a new trend in political shipping," I teased, still grinning.

There was a long-suffering sigh from Mencken. "I don't have time for this nonsense. I have a country to run."

"Your loss, Mencken. #Menckenriet could've been the political love story of the century," I quipped. 

As I prepared to hang up, he interjected with a serious tone, "Wait, do they actually know about us... you know, being intimate?"

My playful demeanor faltered for a moment. "No, Mencken. It's just speculation and fantasy. They don't know anything for sure."

Mencken sounded relieved, "Good. Let's keep it that way."

But before I could end the call, he added in a soft voice, "Clear up your schedule. I'm gonna drop by during the weekend." 

Since Rome, Mencken's hard veneer had chipped away. He made more time for me, wasn't as mean – well, still an asshole, but, as he put it, "Your asshole, sweetheart.” 

“Well, aren't you so romantic,” I mused mostly to myself, a wry smile playing on my lips.

“Yeah, well, I figured life's too short to be a constant jerk. Besides, dealing with you is marginally less irritating than dealing with most people," I couldn't suppress a laugh. High praise, indeed. Looking forward to the weekend then.

As the call concluded, I imagined Mencken shaking his head and muttering, "I'm too old for this." I let out a loud hyena cackle which leaves General Meow staring at me with her wide green eyes.

______________________________________________________________

And then the French presidential election happened. 

It was a tight race between three players, each one from a widely different part of the political spectrum. On one hand, the far-right candidate, the heiress of the National Rally, Marine Le Pen, was Mencken's pick. On the other hand, the incumbent President, Emmanuel Macron, stood as a centrist, aiming to maintain stability and balance in turbulent times. The third contender, Marcel Reynaud, a charismatic socialist from the left, caught the attention of many with his passionate speeches and a boyish yet distinguished appearance, with graying hair that hinted at wisdom beyond his years, reminiscent of a Dostoevsky prince.

As the campaign unfolded, Marcel Reynaud's popularity soared. His fiery rhetoric and genuine connection with the people resonated across various demographics. The public, weary of the traditional political dichotomy, found in him a fresh and appealing alternative. The French, tired of voting for the lesser of two evils, began to rally behind Reynaud, drawn by the promise of a new era and genuine change.

Reynaud's physical presence added an extra layer to his appeal. Imagine a man with rugged charm, grey tousled hair that hinted at rebelliousness, and piercing blue eyes that conveyed both intensity and empathy. His speeches, delivered with conviction, echoed a vision of a more inclusive and socially just France.

Election day arrived, and the people of France turned out in record numbers. The results trickled in, each update intensifying the suspense. When the final count was announced, it was Marcel Reynaud who emerged as the victor. The socialist left candidate had secured a historic win, breaking the stronghold of the traditional political forces.

As the news of his victory spread, so did the memes, fan art, and adoring posts dedicated to Marcel Reynaud. Internet users affectionately dubbed him the "French boyfriend," and hashtags like #ReynaudRevolution and #MarcelMania trended worldwide. He quickly dethroned Mencken as the hottest president online, captivating not just the French public but garnering attention on the global stage.

The internet was flooded with swooning comments about Reynaud's “elf” vibes, and fan accounts dedicated to his every move and policy decision multiplied. Memes comparing him to heroes from literature circulated, portraying him as the embodiment of a modern-day romantic lead. His charisma had transcended politics; he had become a symbol of a new era, both politically and personally.

______________________________________________________________

Mencken was not impressed. Despite being in his mid 50s, he still was a petty child underneath it all, mad about the spotlight being taken off him and given to a soy boy from France of all places. 

The ping of random texts, accompanied by a distinctive ringtone reserved exclusively for him, never failed to jolt me with a thrill, whether I was immersed in work or drifting off to sleep – a Pavlovian response he found pathetically endearing.

M "Just saw another damn article about Marcel Reynaud. 🙄 Apparently, he's the new poster boy for socialism. What a load of crap."

H: "Oh, Mencken, you're just jealous that Reynaud's stealing the limelight. 😏” 

M: "Another day, another interview with Reynaud. 📰 Can't escape the guy. Do you think he practices that brooding stare in the mirror?"

H: "Maybe he's born with it, maybe it's political strategy. 🤷🏻‍♀️"

M: "Thoughts on Marcel's new hairstyle? 💇‍♂️ Trying to figure out if he's attempting a political rebrand or just desperately needs a barber."

H: "Maybe he's channeling the winds of change through his hair. 😂 At least he's keeping things interesting. You should try it sometime."

M: "Harriet, tell me you didn't fall for the hype. 🤨 The French might adore their 'heartthrob,' but I know you have better taste."

H: "Of course not, Mencken. I only have eyes for the 'old and grumpy' type. 😉 

To that last text he replied with a hilariously outdated “fuck yea” meme, highlighting how out of touch he could be sometimes.

______________________________________________________________

In one of our romantic getaways,  (if you can call secretly meeting in a pre-swept room with Secret Service agents hanging outside the door romantic) he once again brought up le problème. 

We had dinner from Dorsia’s to-go in my apartment, with General Meow eyeing our food from her own seat at the table. I tried to make conversation but Mencken's answers were clipped, a subtle giveaway that something was amiss. I took it all in stride, already accustomed to his mercurial moods. I knew that he was stressed about something and that once we fucked, he would relax and the tension would dissipate.

Wanting to make up for missing a couple of our dates, he takes me for a drive around the city in a sleek black car with tinted windows, a partition separating us from the chauffeur. The sound of muffled traffic and a bossa nova playlist was our soundtrack, as we furiously make out like teenagers on their way to prom. He’s quiet except for the sighs that escape his lips. I get needy and he likes it, petting me the same way he does my cat. The similarity does not escape me. His hands begin to go lower until they eventually find my hot center and he smiles against my mouth as he realises I’m not wearing panties. Mencken's voice, low and husky, breaks the silence as he whispers, "You always know how to keep things interesting, Harriet."

I respond with a teasing smile, my voice a breathless whisper, "Well, Mr. President, I aim to please."

His fingers continued their exploration, tracing patterns of fire on my clit. “Mr. President? You're playing a dangerous game," he murmured, his lips trailing hot kisses along my neck as he slips two fingers into me.

The combined sensation sends shivers down my spine. I cry out of pleasure and I am thankful for the soundproofed privacy the partition offers us. Eager to reciprocate, my hand instinctively moved toward his belt, but Mencken halted my advance with a gentle yet firm grip.

“Not here, better in the hotel room,” he whispered, his breath warm against my ear. The promise of what awaited us hung tantalizingly in the air.

Our destination was a high-rise hotel he had booked, soaring 68 floors into the city skyline. It was quintessentially Mencken, reveling in the sensation of being the most powerful man even during sex. The car eased into a lull inside the hotel's basement parking lot, providing a moment for me to compose myself while awaiting the Secret Service's assurance that the coast was clear.

Mencken eyes me mockingly. “You do realise they all know what we’re just doing in here and what we’re about to do in that room”.

I roll my eyes and reply, “A girl has to keep some secrets. Adds to the intrigue, doesn't it?"

He smirks, a glint of amusement in his eyes. "Well, let them think what they want. It's not like we've ever been ones to play by the rules."

With a final nod from the Secret Service, Mencken opens the car door, ushering me out. The hotel's opulent lobby awaits us, and I can't help but feel a rush of excitement. The atmosphere is hushed, with the discreet professionalism one would expect in such an establishment.

He is rough, manhandling me immediately after we cross the threshold of the room. 

The door closes behind us, and the plush interior of the room envelops us in a cocoon. The dim lighting casts a sultry ambiance, amplifying the energy that crackles between us.

Mencken turns to face me, his eyes filled with a hunger that matches my own. With a swift move, he captures my lips in a kiss, his hands roaming possessively over my body. In the intimate space, he pins me against the door, a delicious urgency in his touch. His kisses travel from my lips down to the curve of my neck, igniting a cascade of shivers. The feeling lights me whole like a star. He grabs my hand and leads towards the floor to ceiling windows, the quiet city completely unaware of what is about to unfold. Mencken's eyes lock onto mine, a silent communication passing between us. With a heated intensity, he guides me onto my knees, the plush carpet beneath feeling cool against my skin. 

My hands find their way to his belt, fingers working deftly to release him. His cock is already half hard, forming a wet patch on his boxers. I pull them down to spring him free and my tongue reaches out in anticipation. In that moment, the world outside seems to fade away, leaving the two of us suspended in time. His fingers tangle in my hair, a silent encouragement to continue the exploration. As my lips inch closer to their destination, I can feel the heightened tension in the room. His arousal is palpable, the air charged intensity. I wet my mouth, preparing to take him in, and our eyes lock as my lips envelop him. A shiver runs through Mencken's body, and the room echoes with his moans of pleasure.

As the sensations escalate, Mencken's husky voice breaks the silence. "Harriet," he says, a blend of urgency and pleasure in his tone. I smile at him, as much as one can smile with a mouthful of cock. Yet, he knows—I look at him with such adoration as if I were in prayer and him my patron saint. The city outside may slumber in blissful ignorance, but within these four walls, I hold the most powerful man in the world in my grasp. 

I alternate between licking his length and kissing his tip, his skin flushing to a delicious shade of pink. “Adorable” is definitely not the best adjective to describe him, nevertheless it is the word that comes to your mind. Yes, this man who can be quite vicious and spew the most hateful vitriol can also exhibit a human side. In those rare moments when it's just the two of us, away from the public eye, I get a glimpse of a softer side that few get to witness. This only eggs me on, and I fasten my maneuvers until he can barely keep standing still. 

Just when I’m about to finish him off, he jolts me up and pushes me into the bed, covering me with his body, engulfing me. He stays still for a few seconds and places his wedding band covered hand protectively over my neck. He stares at me deeply and suddenly feeling self conscious I look away. 

"Harriet…” he murmurs, his voice a low rumble. His hand moves towards my chin and commands me to look straight at him. “Look at me, please”.

And I do.  His thumb brushes gently over my cheek, and he leans down to place a soft kiss on my lips. "You're incredible, you know that?" he whispers, his words a mixture of admiration and desire.

He seems more expressive tonight, a departure from his usual sour demeanor. “Yeah, I am very well aware of it, thank you for the reminder.” I decide to inject a bit of humor into the situation. While I appreciate this more open side of him, it's honestly weirding me out a bit.

He rolls his eyes, “Don’t get cocky.” 

“Shut up. Quick, kiss me again, old man.”

He smirks, leaning in for another kiss. Our lips meet, and the intensity between us reignites. We make quick work of our clothes, and he has me on all fours facing the window. I try to push away the thought of him imagining fucking the city in that egomaniac head of his. As he roams my body, I focus on the sensation, letting the pleasure wash over me. The position lets him get in much deeper, which combined with one hand pulling my hair and the other spanking me on the ass, makes me go crosseyed and incoherent. 

“Oh shit, fuck! Oh my god”, I gasp in between moans. This goads him into increasing his thrusts and to reply with possibly the most cliche response ever.

“Nope, just me”, he snarls.

“Ugh, just shut up and fuck me, you asshole”, I groan out both in pleasure and cringe. 

He pulls me up while still inside me so my back is against his chest. His calloused fingers come to rest on breasts and my clit, both rotating and pinching me in exquisite pleasure. Inside I get hot white and my vision goes out as the tautness that has been growing explodes. Mencken follows closely, my pussy milking him until he comes inside of me.

The soft glow of the bedside lamp bathes the room in a warm aura as Mencken and I fall in tangled limbs. With the air thick with a heady mixture of contentment and the smell of sex, Mencken, typically stoic post coitus, couldn't resist diving headfirst into banter.

His eyes wandered to the ceiling, contemplating the subject that had crept into his thoughts. "You know, I can't help but think about the French election."

I turned to him, raising an eyebrow, feigning innocence. "Oh, so now you feel like talking. Do tell. Is there a particular candidate you find captivating? Is this why you were so broody this evening?”

Mencken's lips curved into a smirk, his eyes glinting with mischief.  “Marcel Reynaud, the so-called heartthrob. I fail to see what the fuss is about."

I propped myself up on an elbow, ready for the snarky exchange that was bound to follow.

"Well, Mencken, not everyone can appreciate his charm. Or perhaps, you're just not into the whole 'French boyfriend' craze?"

Mencken scoffed, dismissing the idea with a wave of his hand.

“Oh, please! He's just another commie with a mediocre appeal. Looks like he belongs in some sad Eastern European gay porn."

I couldn't help but burst into laughter at his blunt assessment.

"Oh, Mencken, you have such a way with words. I suppose, in your eyes, only right-wing politicians can be easy on the eyes?"

Mencken grinned, his snarkiness unwavering. "Exactly."

Teasing him further, I continued, "Well, you can't deny he's got a certain je ne sais quoi. Maybe you're just jealous that the internet's boyfriend title slipped away from you."

Mencken scoffed again, feigning indifference, “Jealous? Hardly."

Chuckling, I replied, "Of course not, Mencken. Your appeal is far too sophisticated for the masses."

“Wait, you really find him hot? You have the most powerful man in the world in your bed but you still are thinking about some third-rate European lefty? He isn’t even a full president, he has a fucking prime minister!”

“Woah there, I thought you weren’t jealous.”

“I’m just disappointed in you. Really, what happened to your taste?” 

He has a plane to catch the next morning. So when he has enough rest, (“I’m an old man, remember?”) he fucks me once again after eating me out, another habit he has picked up from Rome. During the week I have to wear turtlenecks and scarves to cover up the love bites he left over my chest and neck. Immature asshole.

______________________________________________________________

His administration suddenly became very interested in US-France relations. I could practically see the cogs turning in his mind, the wheels of diplomacy greased with a hint of jealousy. The irony wasn't lost on me—the leader of the free world, concerned about a romantic rival from across the Atlantic.

One evening, as we lounged in my apartment with General Meow resting on his lap, Mencken couldn't resist poking at the issue. “Any thoughts on how we can improve diplomatic ties with France? Perhaps organize a state dinner, or maybe I should visit him on a diplomatic mission?”

I exhale a sigh, knowing exactly where he was going with this. “You're the President of the United States. I'm pretty sure there are more pressing matters than cozying up to Marcel Reynaud just because your lover thinks he’s hot.”

He grinned, a playful glint in his eyes. "Well, I just thought it would be a shame if our relations suffered due to my charming French competition." 

And so it was decided, a state dinner was on the horizon, orchestrated not just for diplomatic reasons but also as a subtle way for Mencken to flex his presidential prowess in the face of a perceived rival. It was not lost on me that, deep down, this was more about asserting dominance. Men and their petty egos.

In the weeks leading up to the state dinner, Mencken's text arrived, a blend of formality and subtle suggestion. "Pick something nice, my dear. You'll be seated with me and Marcel. Let's make it a spectacular evening."

[thatdeadaquarius]

Sobbing and crying just saw your post of us sounding like a Sim, and I am DYING.

What if it went the other way? They can understand us, but we can't understand them!

Us : hey so what the fuck is happening why tf am I in genshin impact

Them : OMG ASKSKSKSKS FEDERRRALL MEERKK TREEESO! (Omg it's the divine God I'm shittinh myself oml) or whatever idk)

Us: excuse me what the fuck did you just say about my mother? (US mishearing or maybe the words are randomized? Who knows)

Everyone just being confused and frustrated on why you can't understand them. Is it because they aren't worshipping you enough? Maybe some friendship level BS where obly those who are lvl 10 can understand u or smth? Who knows, certainly not the Creator.

I highkey am thinking about writing smth for this now but having it be for like each archons reaction or smthin but who knows. I just wanna see a bunch of divine beings confused outta their mind in like whatever cities square and it turning into a "holy game of charades"

Also happy early birthday ajdjdjkdkdkdk

I”M SO LATE SO THANK YOU FOR THE BDAY WISHES LMAO SORRY KARMA MY BELOVED

AHHHHH U INSPIRED ME BY THE ARCHONS HOLY GAME OF CHARADES-

AND OH NO LVL 10 ONLY FRIENDSHIP UNDERSTANDING-

(づ ￣ ³￣)づ here have a hug for your patience- sorry karma!! :')

LMAO this inuyasha gif- obviously everyone else guessing what ur doing and the 2 others r like ppl like Venti or Kaeya who r just fucking with ppl by joining you lol

OK BUT WHO DO U HAVE LVL 10 FRIENDSHIP?!

BC I GOT NOBODY 😭

ITS RLLY HARD TO DO OKAY-

I HAVE TO PUT ACTUAL EFFORT INTO THE FEW THAT ARE LEVEL 4-5 

ID BE SO FUCKED-

Oh no.

Oh god (you??) no.

What if you had the highest friendship with little d**ks like Scaramouche.

noooOOOOOO

He’d be like, “Eh, I don’t feel like translating today.” 💀

Also I’m rolling with the idea that 

perfect understanding = lvl 10,

Most words 7-9

Some words 5-6

Kinda ?? they get 2 words per sentence or smth 3-4

Basically nothing 1-2

◇

Anyway ornery bitches like Scara/Xiao/Alhaitham/Rosaria/Diluc (all for diff reasons like diluc/xiao would just be overwhelmed and dont like ppl that much lol, whereas haitham doesnt give a fuck lmao) would kinda suck to have as translators

OH NOT THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD JUST LIE ABOUT WHAT U SAID ON PURPOSE TO DECEIVE THE MASSES LIKE Heizou/Yae Miko/Kaeya/Venti 

They pull something like “oh well the god of gods said I could have the last slice of cake/an extra glass of wine hehe”

For different reasons these people would also be ROUGH translators: FISCHL OH NO- , Zhongli, Albedo (he simply would omit “unnecessary details”, cyno, ITTO PLEASE, Raiden (puppet) bc shed take stuff too far/too literally u would never be able to communicate jokes, Razor (im sorry bbyboy), Shenhe

THE CHARADDEEESSS

THE CHARADES OF THE GODS 

You may or may not get another title of a jokester god bc of these SILLY charades 💀

The people u have higher levels of friendship with giving hints LMAO

♤

“Uhhh….. Oh! Oh! Greatest Lord wishes to see a dance performance!” 

Nahida’s sweet voice rings out in Yujing Terrace, her tiny hand waving in the air like an elementary student who’s really excited to answer. …Which isn’t that far off honestly.

“Hmm, I disagree Buer, I believe the Hundun Emperor is saying they wish to take a bath perhaps. I am also attempting to use context, as it has been a long day for them.” Zhongli is in his classic “majestic thinking gentleman” pose, and you’d admire it more if it weren’t for the fact that they don’t seem to be getting what you’re saying.

You hadn’t yet found someone with a higher friendship level than 2 or 3 (hey, don’t blame yourself, you really have to put effort into friendship levels to get them anywhere and you were still busy screwing around in Sumeru when you got spirited away).

So needless to say, most people were getting “the, me, I, you, etc.” rather than the actual important keywords you needed them to, hence the godly charade game now.

As you “hold” something, you throw your hands up in the air, still keeping your hands wrapped around nothing. You think if somebody told you last week that you’d be playing charades with the archons in Genshin Impact so you could actually communicate with them… well you don’t know what you would have done. Maybe just gave them a really awkward laugh.

“Oh! Are you asking for a weapon? Akitsu Mikami, my emperor, we or our nations will surely provide protection from any harm that might befall you. Hm, I suppose we should offer something anyway… I wouldn’t want to displease them…” Ei mutters to herself, having taken over her puppet once more for the occasion.

She and Buer, still retaining their authority status, had asked for the area to be cleared in order to try and get closer to communicating with the Divine First, or you.

“Ha! What idiot would try to hurt the All-Parent in their home, unless they wish to get thrown?” Venti cheekily says, as you don’t understand him, but judging by Zhongli’s clenched jaw, Ei’s sigh, and Nahida’s giggle, you can guess.

You give your own sad sigh… it’s already been 3 hours. 😭

How hard is charades for 4 archons??

Well… apparently very hard.

You put your face in your hands, and you hear the (retired) archons start to debate something, you can tell it’s getting a little passive-aggressive between Venti and Zhongli by their tone alone. 

…Okay, now it’s just aggressive.

The archons eventually give their attention back to you so you can go back to your charades lol

You tried opening your mouth and closing it, very obvious, they can’t go wrong. 

…Turns out they can. 

Somehow you find yourself with a hot tea brewed by the geo archon. 

(Venti attempted to offer you Dandelion Wine, or Osmanthus Wine even, and only god, well you now, knows where he pulled them from. Ei swatted his head, he looked so offended, and his cheeks were all puffed up, heh.)

Giving up, you just try to motion for them to stay still, your hands gesturing like trying to calm a wild animal.

They give you questioning looks, and you begin to walk off, they all seem to immediately start discussing something with each other. All of the gods look very conflicted, and after a minute of you getting further away (yes, you’re almost home free, Xiangling here you come! ) Nahida skips to catch up with you.

She gives you a beaming smile, and you can’t bring yourself to not return it. She's so much cuter in real life, even the official art didn't do her justice.

You make your way towards the restaurant, finally.

And apparently you’re happier than you thought to smell the savory scents flowing out of the kitchen because your stomach growls loudly.

You’re too hungry to even attempt to stop it, no one will care, except Nahida’s eyes go wide. She begins to sputter, and flail her hands desperately trying to charade an apology at you.

…you were just trying to tell them you were hungry. 💀

☆

Ask box open again! :] 🎊

Pspspspspssubliminalmessagingyouwillsendthatdeadaquariusanaskpssppspspspspssss

✨️Hope you guys got smth out of this rough draft✨️ ♡

:D hope u guys have had a good weekend!

My senior art exhibit is april 6th so wish me luck and prayers (from any religion im not picky pls)

Safe Travels,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[wakandas-vibranium]

Not a Virgin

-- Pairing: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

-- Warning(s): 18+ minors DNI 👁️ smutty smut, age gap(legal), kissing, swearing, teasing, dirty talk, oral/fingering(v receiving) unprotected p in v sex, creampie, slight dom!joel if you squint, praise kink, you like it rough and of course Joel obliges.

-- Word Count: 3.7k

-- Summary: You are on your usual afternoon patrol in Jackson with your usual group and the guys your age won’t stop questioning your nonexistent sex life. 

-- A/N: Sorry, no beta reader(nobody likes me on this app) There shouldn’t be too many mistakes though. Please like, comment and reblog!

You’ve been in Jackson for a little over three years now and you were grateful. The outbreak turned your life upside down and seemed determined to take everything and everyone you loved. 

You were surprised to not only find a new home in Jackson but also a new found family you’ve grown to care deeply for. You got close to Maria quickly because she reminded you of your mom’s sister. She was the spitting image of your Auntie Giselle. Maria was kind enough to help you keep your locs in tip top shape. She was very sweet, but also a very firm when needed. 

You weren’t super close with the hundreds of people here in Jackson, but a good 20 or so had your back and they knew without a doubt that you had theirs. 

You were currently on your afternoon patrol with your usual group: You, Felicia, Melvin, Josh, and Joel. Your group patrolled the gate entrance Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays from 2pm to 8pm. 

It was a quarter to 7pm and you were ready for this patrol shift to be over. Not only because you were starving, but also because Josh wouldn’t shut the fuck up. As per usual, but today you were more miffed because you were hungry. Hangry. 

“I’m not a virgin, Josh. I just haven’t gotten any in 4 years.” You reluctantly explained to the taller man. 

Melvin and Felicia made taunting noises of pity and you rolled your eyes at them. Not everyone was as lucky as them to fuck like rabbits every chance they got. Joel of course didn’t say anything, but you could tell he was listening. His shoulders straightened and his grip on the gun loosened. Definitely a dead giveaway. 

“Well, don’t you miss orgasms?”

“Of course I do.” You huffed. 

“Damn, why so long then?”

“Because my husband died 4 years ago, you nosey asshole and I haven’t found anyone interesting enough to let fuck me.” 

“Well, no need to look any further, Y/N. I’m right here.” Josh boasted, holding up his hands as he did a full spin. 

“Oh, please,” you scoffed, waving off his no game having ass, “I want a real man, Josh. Not you.” 

Josh had been in Jackson almost two years now and he’s been a real gigantic pain in everyone’s ass, but he’s still family. Sort of. Yes, he was young and his bronze skin was gorgeous, but his impulsivity on patrols and all around arrogance was a major turn off. 

Plus, you fancied older guys with brown eyes anyway. 

“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m 31 just like you. If that ain’t grown then I don’t know what is.” 

“Well, maybe she’s into more mature dudes.” Melvin pointed out. You grinned at him and nodded in thanks. He was one of the few men your age who used his brain every now and then. 

“Well, how old was your husband?” Josh continued to prod. 

Felicia rolled their eyes at Josh’s invasiveness. He’d always intrude carelessly but it was still annoying. 

“My husband was 10 years older than me, but there’s more to being a real man than age, Josh.” 

“Like how?”

“Well, my husband took his time to learn my body. He was the type of man to make sure I finished twice before he did. Does that sound like you?”

“Hell yeah it does.” He lied right through his crooked teeth.

“Nah, I don’t think so,” You disagreed, “Cause from what I’ve heard, you cum after four pumps and all that tells me is that you’d be a waste of a fuck.” 

Melvin and Felicia snickered loudly while Joel at least attempted to hide his chuckle with a cough. Josh flushed as he stood there in embarrassment. 

Good. 

He talked too damn much. He should’ve just stood there and shut the hell up like the rest of y’all who were on patrol did.

Josh frowned at Joel as he noticed the older man covering his grin, “And just what the hell are you laughing at old man? You’re so scary nobody here wants to fuck ya.” 

“That’s not true.” Felicia laughed as they shook their pointer finger. 

“Definitely not true.” You chimed in, laughing even harder at Josh’s horrified face when Melvin nodded in agreement. 

“So, what?” Josh huffed, gesturing wildly to where Joel was perched, “You won’t fuck me, but you’ll fuck Miller? Are you serious?” 

“I’m sure Miller can last more than four pumps, so yeah...” You shrugged. 

Joel still didn’t utter a word, but he raised a curious eyebrow at you, no longer covering his knowing smirk. You shot him a soft smile before turning back to Josh’s aggravating ass. 

You had a thing for Joel that you refused to let be known. The older Miller was a mystery and simultaneously he reminded you of your late husband. You knew getting involved with Joel wasn’t a good road to go down for several reasons. However, there was a tiny voice in the back of your head and a deep ache between your legs that wanted you to push that big red, Joel Miller button and have as much fun as you could. 

“8pm switch!” Tommy called from the ground. 

Thank all the beings in the world for Tommy. You couldn’t hear any more comparisons from Josh or you were going to toss his giant ass over the railing. 

It was dinner time. 

Your patrol group usually ate dinner together for about an hour or so. 

Today was Wednesday which meant Joel stayed later because Ellie was spending the night at Dina’s. There’s no particular reason why you knew this information. You just did. 

Tonight they were serving stewed beef and potatoes. One of your favorites. You all prepared your plates and grabbed a half bottle of whiskey before sitting down at your usual table.

Josh moved to sit down next to you, but Felicia and Melvin swung their feet under the table and slammed them down next to you, making it impossible for Josh to sit down.

“Sorry Joshy,” Felicia started, “This table is for people who don’t cum quick.” 

You and Joel choked on a piece of meat and you refused to look up at Josh. Cause if you did you’d lose it.

Joel would never admit it, but he looked forward to patrols with your group and dinner. He was grateful to spend time with people other than his brother and surrogate daughter. 

A few months ago he started paying attention to the heated looks you’d give him when you thought he wasn’t looking. Still, he wasn’t gonna say anything. 

“I don’t cum in four pumps,” Josh growled. 

“Well, three pumps then.” Melvin shouted. 

You took a sip of your whiskey to refrain from making a guffawing noise. 

Josh shook his head and stormed off, “Fine. I’ll just eat outside you fuckers.” 

Dinner went very nice that evening. Everyone was more relaxed and in a good mood. Melvin started asking about your husband and you could tell Felicia thought it made you uncomfortable, but it really didn’t. You were glad to have friends to talk about your late husband with now. 

“Did y’all have any kids?” Melvin asked as he stabbed his last potato and shoved it into his mouth. 

“Nah, we didn’t really want kids. Plus I was born without a uterus so…” You trailed off awkwardly. 

You chanced a quick glance at Joel to see if he was listening and you jerked slightly when his intense eyes met yours. 

Fuck. Real smooth, Y/N. Real smooth. 

“What about you two? You gestured toward the energetic couple and grinned at them, “You two fuck so much I’m surprised Fel’s not already pregnant.” 

“My pull out game is strong.” Melvin grinned back at you. You held out your fist for him to bump and laughed softly when he did. 

“Was it Infected that killed your husband?” 

“Melvin!” Felicia admonished as they slapped their partner’s arm.

“No, it’s okay,” you reassured, “I’m at a place where I can talk about him now.” 

“Are you sure?” Felicia asked.

You nodded at them as you gave a small smile. 

“My husband and I were headed to a QZ in Atlanta. Things were going pretty well until a bomb went off 10 steps in front of us. I was a few paces behind him so he took most of the damage.” 

“Fireflies?” Joel asked as he sat forward, leaning his arms against the table.

You looked at him and nodded, “Fuckin’ fireflies, man.” 

“Marlene loves her fuckin’ bombs.” Felicia grunted.

Felicia and Melvin left a little before nine, leaving you and Joel there. Joel didn’t say much, but it was clear he enjoyed listening to you talk. It was a little after nine and you were ready to head home so you could masturbate, shower and go to bed. 

“I killed her.” Joel whispered as he leaned closer to you across the table.

“Who?” You whispered back as you peered into his intense brown eyes. 

“Marlene.” 

“H-how?” 

“I shot her twice.”

You don’t know if it was the one shot of whiskey, a full belly or if it was the sheer knowledge of Joel bringing justice to your husband’s killer, but you started giggling. 

Joel’s dark eyes widened in surprise and he only began to chuckle once you let out a full blown cackle. You both quieted your sounds as you received weird looks from some of the kitchen staff. You motioned for him to scoot closer so he would hear your breathless question. 

“Did she beg for her life?” You asked before bringing your half empty glass of water to your lips. 

“A bit.” Joel admitted as he shrugged nonchalantly. 

Your whole face lit us as you choked on your water, bursting into giggles again. It was the way he said it and how he tried to stop the corners of his lips from turning up, but you caught it. Joel let out a full blown belly laugh. It almost sounded like it hurt him to laugh. You wondered how long it’s been since he’s allowed himself to laugh like that. 

He should laugh more often. He had a dazzling smile and dimples that were partially hidden by his beard.

“You have a heart stopping smile Joel. You should smile more.” You reached out your hand and traced the outline of his lips. 

“I like your hair.” He complimented as he traced one of your locs, squeezing it curiously between his thumb and pointer finger. 

“Oh?” You beamed at him. Unable to stop your body from getting warm at the slightest touch from him. 

“Yeah it’s kind of like Maria’s but a little longer.” 

“You can pull on it while you fuck me from behind back at my place.” You propositioned.

Joel stood up as he gathered your trays and cups to throw away, “After you.” He gestured to the dining hall exit. 

Luckily, your house was not far from the dining hall. It was surely closer than Joel's. Joel picked you up as soon as you opened the door. You let out a shriek and wrapped your legs around his waist. You kissed him hungrily as he walked through the doorway, into the kitchen, and sat you on the counter. You nearly forgot he came over before to repair a few broken windows, which explains why he was so familiar with your house.

“Joel?”

“Yeah?” He breathed as he unbuttoned your yellow top. 

“You should shut and lock the door.” He took one look at the wide open front door before looking back at you with crimson cheeks. 

While he moved to close the door, you finished taking off your shirt and jeans. When he returned to the kitchen, you were still there where he left you, but only in your bra and underwear. You bit your bottom lip in response to him gawking at you and the erection in his blue jeans.

Once he was within arm's reach of you, you pushed two fingers behind his leather belt and pulled him in between your legs. 

You made quick use of unbuttoning the blue jean sweater he had on and once you had access to his full neck you licked a wide stripe before sucking a mark there. 

“Oh,” He murmured softly, “You like leaving a mark, huh?”

“Mhm, you’re mine.” 

“Damn right.” 

“Take me to my bed, please.”

“Your room’s still down the hall, right?”

“Yes.” You nodded. 

He picked you up and took slow steps towards your bedroom. Once you made it in your room he kicked the door shut before plopping you down onto your surprisingly comfortable mattress. You still haven’t gotten used to its fluffiness. 

Joel uncinched your bra and flung it across the room. He kissed your breast tenderly while placing his palms on either side of you, boxing you in. 

He leaned back to admire the wetness between your spread legs and let out a groan as he palmed himself through his pants. You were soaking wet.

“Goddamn you’re wet.” 

“All for you.” You hummed happily as he helped you out of your underwear. 

He leaned down on his forearms, big hands resting on top of your lower abdomen, licking a warm stripe up your wet slit. You jerked slightly in anticipation of the touch. It had been a long time since you had been handled in this way. You were almost positive that you were going cum within minutes. 

“You don’t have to finger me, you know?”

“Hmm? You don’t like being fingered?”

“No, I love it actually. It’s just that…when you finally slide your dick into me…”

“Yes?” He urged as he added a second finger and began to suck on your clit. 

“I like it to hurt a little bit.” You rushed out, biting back an obscene moan. 

“Naughty girl,” Joel quipped, adding a third finger, “I’m still gonna finger you a bit. I’m on the larger side.” 

“Oooh baby,” You let the pet name slip, moaning loudly, “I mean Joel—fuck!”

“No, you had it right the first time.” Joel chuckled, hooking his thick fingers upward and twisting them at a much faster pace. 

“Shit it feels so good.” You panted as he kissed your soft inner thighs gently. The complete opposite of what his fingers were doing. 

“Joel, I’m cu—“

“—I know, baby. I can feel it. Cum for me. I need you nice and wet for the good ole poundin’ I’m about to give you.” His filthy words, coupled with the sensual inflection in his voice, were enough to drive you home, your moans growing louder as he talked you through the best orgasm you'd had in years.

As you writhed against the bed, your fingers pulled at his soft silver-streaked brown waves. You couldn't decide whether you fancied his mouth or his fingers more. Either way, 10s across the board.

Joel backed up to remove his pants and underwear before settling both his knees on the bed. His hungry, chestnut eyes bore into yours as he jerked himself slowly in one hand. He smirked as your gaze drifted to his hard dick, mouth watering at the enticing sight. You ran your tongue across your bottom lip in anticipation. You wanted to taste him so bad. 

“Don’t get too excited. We’re savin’ that for another time,” He said as he motioned for you to turn around, “Hands and knees.” 

Once you assumed the position, Joel pulled you back against his hips to line his thick cock up with your entrance. In one swift motion, Joel was fully seated inside you. He stretched you pretty good with his fingers and you were soaked, but it still pierced a bit as you adjusted to him. It was that good kind of hurt that you missed. Joel had to be seven or eight inches in length, but his girth was astounding. 

You guess your luck was finally starting to come back around. 

You were already losing your mind, and he had only just slid inside you. You knew you weren't going to last. Joel pulled all the way out and slammed back inside, moving you higher up the bed. He thrusted a third and fourth time, and that tight coil in your stomach snapped. Your orgasm caught you both off guard. You had no choice but to lean forward into the pillow and scream as your thighs shook violently.

You came as hard and as loud as you wanted. Sleeping neighbors be damned. You'd been holding on to it for four long ass years. The orgasm was more than pleasant, but you knew the older man had more in mind for you.

“Fuckin’ hell, Y/N. I guess you’re giving Josh a run for his money, huh?” Joel teased as he gently rubbed your thick quivering thighs. 

If the circumstances were different, the utter surprise in Joel's voice would have made you snort. You were too busy cumming your brains out and sinking your teeth into the pillow to find any amusement at the time being.

“You good to go or do you need a minute?” He asked, smug as ever. Your head was still buried in the pillow, but you could hear the smugness in his voice clear as day. 

You lifted your head and cast a smoldering glance over your shoulder at him, “Shut up and fuck me.” 

“Yes ma’am,” He smirked as he lined himself up again and sank in until he bottomed out. 

“Ugh,” He grunted, “The way you wrap around me is gonna be a problem.” 

You giggled at the peculiar way he told you your pussy was tight as fuck. You rocked back into his slow thrusts, finding a flawless rhythm.

“Jo—Joel! Shit, you fuck me so good.” You whined as you reached under your thighs and played with his balls. 

“Goddamnit!” Joel cursed as his thrusts faltered just a tad. 

“You’re doing so good for me, baby. Takin’ every single inch I give you.” He praised, angling his hips before starting up at a merciless pace. 

Goddamn.

This man knew just what to say to get you over that fucking edge. 

The lack of a full-body mirror in your bedroom was bittersweet. You knew Joel must have looked downright mouth watering while he drilled into you from behind. You were also mindful that your eyes had rolled into the back of your head and that you were an incoherent slobbering mess.

Joel gathered as many of your medium locs as he could in one hand and yanked them back while his other hand gripped your waist and his hips brutally slapped against your soft, round ass.

The entire fucking room sounded like mouse traps going off.

“Fuuuck,” You cried out, eyes shutting tightly, “I can’t believe I’m cummin’ again.” 

“That’s alright,” he encouraged, letting out a low, guttural groan as he felt your walls clench around him once again, “Give it to me.” 

As you came, he landed two hard slaps on your bouncing asscheeks. Your mouth fell open in a silent O. You didn’t even realize that you were trembling, but Joel sure as hell did. You couldn’t remember ever feeling so blissed out like this. Has it really been that long? Or have you just never had this level of sex? Something to ponder about in the morning. 

Joel trailed steamy kisses down your sweat glistened back, scraping a fingernail down the back of your thigh as you rode out your consuming climax. 

He flipped you on your back in one hasty motion, tapping your sensitive clit with his swollen tip and slurping your hardened nipple into his hot mouth as he lined himself up with your drenched entrance.

He hovered over you, gazing into your lust filled eyes as he raised an eyebrow, “Do we need a break?” 

“Don’t fuckin’ play with me, Joel.” You huffed impatiently, slapping his backside for good measure. 

He shook his head fondly at you before plunging back inside you. His smile vanished swiftly as you both let out a ridiculously high-pitched moan.

You wrapped your legs around him even tighter and clung to his arms and shoulders as he fucked you into the mattress. You sobbed a moan as hot tears began to pool in your eyes as you were railed into a purer level of ecstasy with each calculated thrust.

“Are those tears, angel?” Joel slowed his pace, fucking into you deep and slow. 

“Yes. Hap—happy tears. I never thought I’d be able to experience pl—pleasure like this ever again.” You admitted breathlessly. 

“Thank me.” He ordered, licking the escaped tears that streamed down your cheeks.

“Thank you,” You praised, whimpering softly as he found that sweet spot inside of your core. You cupped his face in your hands and kissed him wherever your lips could land. His cheek. His nose. His bearded chin, “Thank you. Thank you Joel for fuckin’ me so good.” 

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

“Fuuuuck,” Joel whined as your praises got to him, “You’re welcome, sweet baby.” 

Joel locked his lips against yours in a desperate kiss, both moaning as your tongues danced together. His unrelenting thrusts and needy kisses were causing you to run out of air, but you couldn’t give a damn. If this was how you were gonna go out then so be it.

“You’ve fucked me into oblivion so now it’s your turn to cum. Please Joel.” You panted, eyes blown wide with anticipation. 

“Mmm,” He gasped as he felt his end nearing, “Where do you want it?” 

“Cum inside me.” 

His movements faltered for a brief moment as he thought about something then nodded his head in agreement. 

“Okay.” He grunted as he buried his face into your neck, sucking a bruise onto your shoulder. 

“Please, baby,” You begged as you felt his cock pulse inside of you, “Give me all of it.”

“I’m cummin’, baby.” Joel warned, panting as his rocks lost their rhythm and became more erratic. The first stripe that shot inside of you made you shiver and you jolted right along with Joel. 

“Ahhh!” You would have let out an ear-piercing scream if your voice hadn't already been shot to hell. Another climax ripped through you. You bit your bottom lip and clung to Joel for dear life as you both shook with pleasure. 

“That’s one for the history books.” Joel blurted as he snuck a quick peek at you before settling back down along your spent body.

You both burst out laughing as you tried to calm your hash pants. 

Both of your untamed laughs eventually turned soft giggles then into steady breaths, and within 10 minutes the room was filled with soft snores.