#everyday I want to smash my head against the wall

[reddiamond505]

I can't believe I'm dealing with the world's most annoying people at MY school. What an honour hot damn

[ace-of-zaun]

Pas de Deux Pt. 10: 

Silco x f!reader, 4.6k words, NSFW(ish)

cw: (please see chapter 1 for full series warnings) angst, fluff, sexual tension, references to masturbation and sex

also, the story rating is going up to explicit from here on out, but i’ll keep including individual chapter warnings so you can decide if that’s your vibe or not :)

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7 | PART 8 | PART 9

It really shouldn’t be a surprise when Silco reverts to his overprotective ways after the Jinx incident, where you’d been tied to your bed and interrogated by his surrogate daughter. And having been followed by the bar incident, in which you’d been held hostage in the middle of The Drop with a broken bottle to your neck, it's no wonder he’s acting like you’re a porcelain doll. 

But you’d grown so used to even just that sliver of freedom, the speed in which he’d torn it from your grasp quite honestly stings. 

Oddly enough, the thing that hurts more is that after the harsh reprimanding he’d given his staff for letting someone get to you, practically nobody but Silco will make eye contact with you anymore. It’s not like you’re allowed to go anywhere by yourself, but you’re pretty sure that if you were to wave a flag and scream in Thieram’s face, he wouldn’t even look you in the eyes. 

So, alone again. 

Again. 

Well, alone except for Silco, who not only won’t let you go down into the bar by yourself, but also insists on having you escorted to and from his office, and even to your studio. What’s worse, he’s reverted to wanting you by his side all hours of the day and most of the evening, as if you’ll slip through his fingers the very moment you’re out of his sight. 

Of course, protesting is no use. 

The times you’d asked why you needed a babysitter all day everyday, and why you couldn’t just go back to the one guard instead of a ridiculous three, his dismissive, drawling responses of, “I cannot take any precautions with your safety, you are too important to me,” and, "I need to protect you, my lovely," had awakened a deep urge to scream until your throat burned out.

You never do scream, of course. And since you categorically refuse to plead with him, after only three days of letting him shepherd you around, you resort to the only method that will get through to such a petty soul.

Sulking. 

So, as you sit on your bed, arms crossed petulantly, you futilely contemplate the odds of being able to smash the window, jump to the nearest rooftop, and just run until you reach people that have never even heard of Zaun, all without being noticed.

The newest guard, who’d made the mistake of infuriating you when he’d looked over your shoulder instead of at your face like a decent human being, had tried to escort you to Silco’s office, to which you’d responded rather emphatically, “Tell Silco I’d rather gargle water from the River Pilt and spit it in his face.”

By the time Silco arrives at your still-open bedroom door, a brief glance at the worried look etched upon his face indicates that the guard may have told him something slightly different. 

“Are you not feeling well, darling?” Silco asks, lithe fingers curling around the wooden frame. 

“I'm fine,” is your short response. You continue to stare blankly at the empty space of wall above your dresser.

“Why don’t we go to my office? Lunch should be ready soon,” he tries again, far more patient than you’d ever expected a crime lord could be. 

“I'm not hungry.”

“Sweetheart,” he breathes out in a tone that’s so soft, you practically feel your heart clench at the unfairness of it all. 

“Just put it on a tray and slide it through the door,” you bite out, building your walls even higher with every sarcastic word. “May as well, since you insist on treating me like a prisoner.”

Across the room, the door shuts with a loud, forceful click, and your head whips over to it, alarms instinctually raised. 

Your eyes widen at the sight of him stiffly leaning back against the closed door, his expression unreadable and hands clenched behind him. A part of you automatically panics that he’s going to get mad and turn this against you. But his promise rings in the back of your mind. 

“You truly think of yourself as a prisoner?” he asks, voice tender but thankfully filled more with frustration than anger. 

You sigh, immediately backtracking. 

Perhaps you were too harsh. He’s only trying to help. 

Elbows digging into your thighs, you allow your head to drop into your hands in defeat. 

“I just feel like you don’t trust me, Sil,” you tell him. (He shouldn’t, but that’s besides the point.)

Silco traipses over to you, carefully kneeling down between your legs as one hand links with yours, the other resting soothingly on the top of your thigh. Now face to face, he searches your expression. 

“Why won’t you let me do anything by myself?” you continue before he can suggest anything that will make you want to knee him in the stomach. "I don't understand what I've done wrong."

"You haven't done anything wrong, my love," he says, the fingers on your thigh squeezing gently. 

“Then why won’t you let me do anything anymore?”

You’re toeing the line of pleading, but won’t allow yourself to cross it. Not this time. 

He sighs and shuffles closer, strong arms wrapping around your waist until you can rest your forehead on his shoulder, a dance that almost feels natural at this point. 

“To keep you s-”

You cut him off by digging your nails into his lower back. 

“Silco. If you tell me one more time that you’re doing it to keep me safe, I’m going to spray perfume in your eye while you’re sleeping.”

He huffs a breath of air, pulling back ever so slightly to peer at you down his nose. His expression is entirely too cheeky and it makes you wonder just what ridiculous thought he’s entertaining.

“Your perfume or mine?” he asks playfully. 

You glare at him, clearly unamused by his antics, so he decides to clarify with a languid sweep of his hand up and down your spine. 

“I wouldn’t necessarily object to being reminded of your gorgeous scent every once in a while, even if it may bring some slight discomfort.”

The rolling of your eyes is accompanied by a muttering of freak under your breath, which only serves to bring out that crooked grin of his, much to your dismay. 

Silco reaches up to tuck a stray section of your hair behind your ear, letting his fingers rest delicately on your cheek as he looks into your eyes, expression suddenly grave. 

“I’m afraid I cannot let you wander about by yourself, my love, not after you were put in such an egregious amount of danger,” he tells you solemnly.

You have to physically hold in the bark of laughter that threatens to erupt from you. 

Egregious amount of danger? Did he even grow up in the same Zaun as you? 

It’s probably not the best course of action, but you can’t help your response. 

“Then, I’m afraid I can’t join you for lunch or dinner anymore,” you bite back, a little bit childishly if you’re being truly honest with yourself. 

Right on cue, Silco’s good eye narrows, his lip twitching in indignation as his hand drops once more to your thigh. 

“Darling, do you not think you’re being a tad unreasonable?” he asks, clearly trying to keep a lid on it. “Can I really be blamed for wanting to keep the ones I love close to me?”

You practically blanch at the gall. 

“I’m being unreasonable?” you gape at him. “You’re the one who’s trying to keep me locked up forever!”

“I am not trying to lock you up,” he snipes back before huffing out a sigh, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “All of this is for you, my darling. I brought you home from that wretched city and its people. I commissioned you a custom-built studio. I have spent hours upon hours ensuring your safety.”

You really could scream now. You never asked him to do any of this, never wanted this. 

Recognising that you’re about three seconds away from completely exploding, you try to remove yourself from the situation before you do something you’ll regret. 

“I’m not doing this-”

You push on his shoulders lightly, attempting to shuffle yourself backwards on the bed and decidedly away from him. 

Unfortunately, Silco tries to stop you.

“Sweetheart-”

One hand darts around to the small of your back whilst the other hooks underneath your knee, and in one smooth move, he pulls you towards him until you’re flush against him.

And your body floods with heat completely against your will, partly in awe of the pure strength needed to manoeuvre you so effortlessly, and partly because in doing so, the angle and position has pressed his broad chest and waistcoat buttons up against the most sensitive part of you. 

You jolt in surprise, a stuttered gasp escaping your mouth as your brain suddenly conjures the sordid image of your legs wrapped around his sinful waist, the look of shock he’s currently sporting twisted in your brain to fit an expression of pure ecstasy. 

And just as soon as it happened, it’s over. 

Silco immediately lets go, allowing you to shuffle back on the bed, but only far enough that you can hug your knees to your chest, as if it would hide your now racing heart and burning cheeks. 

“I-”

You cut him off before he can voice even one more word. You do not want to discuss it (and you’re already blaming it on the raised adrenaline levels from your argument).

“You said you want to keep your loved ones close to you but you let Jinx go wherever she wants.”

Luckily, Silco also appears to be amenable to moving on without acknowledging what just happened.

“Jinx grew up here, sweetheart,” he says after swallowing hard, hiding his unease about as well as you probably are. “She can handle herself.”

Well, you can’t really argue that point without revealing yourself to him, so you’re forced to accept defeat on that line of defence. 

A wave of exhaustion sweeps through you, legs dropping into a cross whilst your forehead drops into the hand propped up against your knee. 

It’s only in the silence that you realise just how heavily you’re both breathing. A cursory glance at the man still kneeling in front of you reveals just how torn he looks, and for some reason, it puts you on the verge of frustrated tears.

He clearly wants to comfort you. 

Slowly, a hand reaches out to rest gingerly against your knee, giving you plenty of time to reject him if you wanted to.

You don’t. 

In fact, against all better judgement, you press his hand firmer against your knee with your own fingers just to show him that it’s okay. 

“I know you don’t trust me,” you repeat softly.

And if he didn’t look heartbroken before, now, it’s practically radiating from him. 

“It’s not you that I lack trust in, darling, it’s everyone else.”

You sigh, flexing your fingers over the top of his. 

“I want to be more for you, Silco. But I just can’t like this. Not when I feel like a bird trapped in a cage,” you say with as much sincerity as you can muster. 

That seems to do the trick, his hand flipping over to entwine his fingers with yours as the other reaches to absentmindedly tug your shirt collar back into place. 

“I’m afraid I’ll have to keep the security for now, but I will… endeavour to find safe ways to help you feel less restricted,” Silco says gracefully. 

You try not to focus on the fact that you’re a million steps back and try to focus on the single step forward. As if this dance couldn’t get any more complicated. 

You achieved partial freedom before, you can get it again. 

“That would make me feel a lot better,” you say, hoping you sound grateful as you shakily climb onto your knees on the mattress. “Thank you.”

Arms encircling him, you feel the moment Silco relaxes in your hold, and you hate how much relief it brings you.

It’s quiet for a moment, the two of you lost in thought while Silco traces patterns on your back until he speaks over your shoulder, asking if you want to accompany him on one of his factory rounds, to see his ‘empire’.

Of course, there’s a list of rules and considerations he insists that he must put in place before you go, but in truth, you barely pay attention to it when you nod your assent. 

All you can think is that maybe there can be some compromise in this fucked-up situation you’ve found yourself in. Maybe this doesn’t have to be all bad. 

-

Almost a full week later, after Silco had meticulously planned out every single detail regarding this trip, you’re finally en route to the factory he’d chosen for your visit. 

Of course, one of the stipulations you’d agreed to whilst blissfully tuned out during Silco’s monologue was that you’d wear a face mask on your trip with him to the factory, one that obscured most of your features.

To protect you from the fumes, he’d said…

His levels of delusion are genuinely astounding at this point. Honestly, you should write a book about him, the real him. You could probably fix Zaun’s economy solely with descriptions of his insanity. 

You’re still fiddling with the edges of the mask by the time the carriage arrives at the large building, drawing to a stop in the darkened alleyway. 

Silco immediately exits the car without a word, and it’s his hand that is waiting to help you out and to swiftly escort you into the monstrosity that is one of his many Shimmer factories. 

At first, you’re not entirely sure how you feel about it all. 

Obviously, the conditions aren’t great. It’s hot, and noisy, and all the oversized pipes, vats, and crates filled with vials of Shimmer make the whole place feel far more cramped than it probably is. It’s like walking into the belly of the beast. 

But then again, you’d struggle to find a job in Zaun that was luxurious or even particularly nice, for that matter.

Silco meanders across the main floor with your hand tucked closely into the crook of his elbow, overseeing the nervous workers who scuttle about completing their jobs, all whilst trying to avoid eye contact with their stoic employer. 

Honestly, you’re unsure why he even suggested bringing you here, given that there’s nothing to really look at and you’re pretty sure half of his working policies aren’t even legal. 

That is, you’re unsure up until he begins yet another monologue. Except this time, you find yourself oddly captivated by his words.

He tells you in low, dulcet tones of his humble beginnings; how he started with nothing, much like the majority of Zaunites. He briefly describes the time he nearly lost his life as a young adult which prompted him to build all of this. How he plans to bring Zaun the independence and prosperity its people deserve, have always deserved. 

And by the time he’s finished speaking and has stopped for a moment to check in with one of the floor managers, you can’t help but stare at him, watching each careful movement and microexpression. 

Here is a man who’d had almost virtually the same start as you, who’d used every last shred of his resources to build himself an empire, all with the goal of elevating his city. 

Of seeking justice.

Silco returns to you after only a few minutes, where you instinctively reach to take hold of his arm again as he continues to walk. You let him lead. 

“Who will they think I am?” you ask when he offers you nothing more than a curious glance, nodding to the workers who keep shooting anxious glances at the both of you as you pass by. 

They definitely can’t see your face with the mask, but by your proximity to their boss, they must presume you’re somebody important.

“I suspect they’ll think you’re a potential business partner,” Silco responds diplomatically. To anyone else, he would appear just as impassive as ever. But you’re able to spot the twitch in his lips that tells you he’s holding back a smirk. 

You huff a short, sharp breath of air in amusement. 

“Do you have many of those?”

He finally comes to a stop at the bottom of a metal, spiral staircase, turning his head to glance down at you as he purses his lips. 

“None as beautiful as you.”

The roll of your eyes is thankfully covered by the mask. 

Now out of view from prying eyes, Silco delivers that smug little smirk he’s been holding back, almost as if he already knows your reaction, before elegantly gesturing with one sweep of his hand to allow you to climb the stairs before him.

And as you climb up and away from the toils of labour, you allow yourself to run away with the idea. 

If you’d met Silco in another life, one where’d you’d never conned your way into a privileged, Piltovian home, perhaps you could have worked your way into owning a large, successful business in Zaun. One that would have brought you into Silco’s world in an entirely different way.

You might’ve even been his equal, a chem-baron with almost as much power as the megalomaniac behind you. 

It’s this thought that inches you one step closer to the dangerous line you’ve been toeing, increases the pressure by just a notch. 

“I don’t think I’m entirely convinced that I should invest in this so-called business of yours anyway, Mr. Eye of Zaun,” you say coquettishly, adopting the air of an entrepreneur with unwavering confidence. 

“Well, that won’t do at all,” Silco drawls, clearly amused enough to entertain your antics. “What must I do to convince you otherwise?”

Perhaps it’s the fact that you’re not facing him that propels you to push it just that little bit further, just a little bit flirtier. 

“I can think of a few things.”

“Oh?” he intones, almost innocently. “Perhaps you’d like to share your thoughts so I can… accommodate.”

The heat that’s rapidly spreading through you must be from the factory machines, the cramped conditions. It must be. 

Reaching the top of the stairs, you find a darkened corridor lined with what must be office doors and for some gods-forsaken reason, it sends a thrill down your spine. 

Turning to face him, you walk backwards a few steps, letting him catch up to you in that slow, smooth saunter. And without thinking, you reach up to undo your mask, letting it drop to the ground as you take in Silco’s heated gaze, catching the way the pupil of his seafoam eye dilates in hunger. 

You allow him to come to a stop in front of you, but he doesn’t stray any farther. He seems hesitant, almost like he’s waiting for your next move, so you carefully loop your arms up and around him, forearms resting on his shoulders, hands clasped at his nape. 

“Hmm, in that case,” you tilt your head to the side, a tap to his shoulder blade with every demand. “I’ll take your crown, and your throne, and all your precious little treasures.” 

Then, you can’t help but lean forward ever so slightly, looking directly into those devastating eyes as you whisper.

“I want it all.”

It’s like watching an eclipse, the rapid darkening of his gaze an abyss, as the hands you’ve watched choke out a man come to rest oh so lightly against your waist. 

“And what would you give in exchange?” Silco asks with a rough swallow. The bob of his throat is simply captivating. 

“What do you want?”

“You know what I want,” he bites back, low growl a dichotomy to the gentle fingers tracing your sides. 

“Do I?”

Your attempt at coyness is met with a spine-tingling amount of conviction. Like he’s never been so sure of anything in his life. 

“I want you.”

Your legs guide him to slowly walk you backwards until your back hits the wood of the door behind you, your arms still looped around him whilst Silco’s hover nervously above your hips. 

He stares down at them, almost as if he desperately wants to but something is holding him back. 

His eyes dart up to yours in a brief look of trepidation, a question in his pointed gaze. So you nod once and resolutely ignore the voice screaming at you to just wait a minute, to stop playing with fire for just one moment. 

Silco’s hands finally press into your hips sending a jolt of fire racing up your spine. He stands between your spread legs, revelling in the proximity. 

“How much?” you ask. Silco only tilts his head in response, eyes distracted by the grip he has on your hips, so you grace him with clarification. “How much do you want me?”

That catches his attention, gaze snapping up to meet yours. 

And gods, you’re suddenly in need of air when Silco finally closes the distance, slowly leaning down to deliver his gravelly response directly against the shell of your ear.

“More than the body needs blood.”

Your hands instinctively reach up to thread into his hair, and Silco hips pitch forward into your own, a gasp escaping your lips at the joint sensation of his warm breath on your neck and the feeling of his arousal pressed firmly up against you. 

“Silco.”

“That’s sir to you,” he commands, scarred lips trailing down your jaw until they finally rest against your neck, pulse beating double time. 

Fuck, why can’t you think? Why can you only focus on the feeling of him pressed up against you?

“Yes, sir,” you repeat, forcing yourself to take a deep breath, in and out. 

He chuckles darkly against your skin as long fingers begin to slowly trail down your body, the other hand briefly snaking up into your hair, as if he just wanted to give it a short tug, just to see what it feels like.

You shiver bodily when that same hand travels back down to cup your jaw, his nose falling into place alongside yours, impossibly close now. 

Silco’s lips hover tantalisingly above yours, barely grazing them as he begins to speak again, tone low and rough. 

“Good g-”

He’s interrupted by an indignant voice from a little ways down the hall. 

“Excuse me.”

It’s like being startled awake - ripped from a dream - the way your body freezes in shock. 

Your hands drop to your sides as Silco inhales deeply, placing one hand flat against the wall next to your head. 

Slowly, he turns to look over his shoulder with a deadly precision and you watch as the worker’s blood drains from his body. It must be his office door that you’re currently blocking and in the darkened corridor, he must not have recognised the back of his boss’ head. 

For a brief moment you worry that Silco is going to literally drain the blood from his body right in front of you, but to your relief, he simply issues a sharp, cold command.

“Go. Away.”

The poor man practically scrambles away without another word, his footsteps tapping back down the metal stairs at a, frankly, quite alarming pace. 

Alone once more, Silco twists back around to face you, seemingly content to continue where you’d left off if his fervid expression is anything to go by. 

But you gently stop him with a hand splayed on his chest. 

The moment is broken, and there’s one thought ringing through your brain over and over again - what the actual fuck are you doing?

“We should get back home,” you tell him, watching as disappointment floods his features. “The fumes are giving me a bit of a headache.”

He pauses, just for a moment, as if he’s considering a counter-argument, but instead he just nods, accepting your lie at face value. 

“Alright, my love,” he says, carefully taking your hand in his and pressing a chaste kiss to your knuckles, not entirely dissimilar to the way he did when you were first brought to his office, all that time ago. 

Then, Silco wordlessly leads you through the winding maze of the factory and out to the carriage, where you begin the journey back home, the silence charged with something entirely different to the one you’d shared on the way there. 

-

It isn’t the first time Silco has laid flat out on your bed, legs crossed at the ankle with his hand linked atop his stomach. And it’s unlikely to be the last. 

He stares at the plaster on the ceiling above your bed, mentally replaying that delectable little gasp you’d made the moment he’d pushed himself up against you. 

For months now, all he’d craved was just a little taste. Just a little sample to tide him over. 

But now that he’d finally experienced the sensation of your lips grazing his, of your waist under his fingers, he wants more. He wants everything. 

And it was that everything he’d been imagining just minutes before in his shower, until he’d finished with one shaky hand on the tiles holding him up, head hung low, his panting breaths slowing down incrementally until he’d finally had the strength to turn off the water.

At first, he’d simply recalled the delectable feeling of your body pressed against his. Then, it had devolved into a sordid little fantasy of what could have happened. 

Perhaps one of you would have dropped to your knees right there and then. 

Or maybe you’d have dragged him through the office door you were blocking and he could have scratched the wooden floor beneath the desk and left a bouquet of bruises on your hips all in one go. 

It had all come to a crescendo quite soon after that particular image had graced his thoughts and once he’d dried and dressed, Silco had found himself wandering over to your bedroom before he was truly conscious of what he was doing. 

And now, as you bathe, completely unaware of his presence in the adjacent room, he lays on your bed and thinks. 

Of course, when he envisions you in the bath, some part of him naturally thinks of going for another round, this time surrounded by your heady scent, your clothes held against him. And if he were a younger man, he might’ve done just that, a race to finish before you discovered him. But now, he knows that his body is too tired to keep up with his overactive brain. 

Instead, Silco placates himself by turning his head to inhale deeply against your pillow. 

The fact of the matter is, he wants you. Badly. 

But he’d never forgive himself if he hurt you again or pushed you too far. 

Now that the bliss is beginning to fade, he realises that whilst it may be an incredibly arousing situation, he decidedly does not want your first time together to happen on a dusty old desk in one of his factories. 

He wants it to be absolutely perfect. And for that, he needs your full, unadulterated trust and love.

The sound of you rising from the bathwater next door jolts him from his daydream, and as the water rushing down the drain covers his swift exit from your bedroom, Silco shelves his fantasies for now and focuses his mind on the next problem to be solved. 

It’s only a matter of time now until he wins you over. He’s sure of it. 

-

a/n: hello everyone, i somehow managed to convince myself this was the worst story ever and had a whole-arse crisis about it, but we’re finally back on and i’m gonna continue to wrestle my demons in a boxing ring until this story is finished 🥊

Also, thank you so much to everyone who has left such lovely comments since i posted the previous chapter, I genuinely appreciate all of you so much <3 

[qaxqxd]

I’ll Wait For You.

♡Pair: Miguel O’Hara x f!reader

Genre: Angst to Fluff

Warnings: A mention of injuries and maybe death

A/n: This is my first time writing about angst. I used to write on wattpad (shame on me). I think the story came out choppy. If you have any advice on writing, (please do share) Also there will be some Spanish here. English isn’t my first language so… enjoy <3

Summary: You get injured badly on a mission.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Miguel really didn’t get along. You were a total opposite of him. You were all sunny and rainbow. While he was an grumpy rainstorm. You guys still fought along and with each other. You were a rookie Spider-person. That gave him more of a reason to turn you down. Miguel had a huge crush on you. Everyone on the team could tell, but you.

Whenever you were around his gaze would soften. He’d seem more… Relaxed? Jess would tease him about it. Which he would scoff off. He tried distancing himself from you. Not wanting to get close because he knew it would hurt you. It’d get harder everyday to distance himself from you. You were so kind, beautiful, and sweet. Everyone at base enjoyed your friendly behavior.

As much you annoyed him. He didn’t seem to mind it. He’d act like he was annoyed, but in reality he enjoyed your company. You had a slight crush on him too.

You sometimes appreciate it when he praises you. A simple “Good Job” from him would lighten up your whole day. You didn’t like failing. It’s been a habit of yours from the start. You wanted to prove to him that you could do so much more. Backup was never an option for you.

“Here’s your next mission.” Miguel pulled up a screen with information.

 Another anomaly. You skim over the information trying to soak in all the details and cramp it in your brain. You let out a small sigh, which caught Miguel's attention.

“Can you take care of it? Or is it too much?” He gazed over his broad shoulders. 

“Piece of cake.” You scoff. You turn on your watch, which opens up a portal.

“I’ll wait for you to come back.” He said before you headed into the portal.

 The anomaly you were about to fight had speed and strength. Some goblin looking creature. You enter the familiar but unfamiliar NYC. Which looked half destroyed. A loud roar alerted you to the creature's whereabouts. You swing around the buildings to find the anomaly. All you have to do is get close enough to the creature. To capture it and send it back to their world.

You were able to land on the creature back, you quickly set up your watch. The anomaly quickly grabs you, throwing you roughly against the wall. You definitely broke something. You saw your watch glow a figure of Lyla.

She had her arms crossed. “Need help-?” 

“No backup,” You spat out, quickly getting up. 

You were going to try again, and again. No way you were going to fail this. As many times you were thrown by the anomaly. You got back up, slightly shaking. Blood was dripping out of your nose. Your lips scratched. Possibly, many broken bones.

Still you were fighting.

“You just don’t give up, do you web head?” The creature spoke with a low chuckle. “I can do this all day.” The creature threw you into a building. This time, your bones weren't the only thing that broke. Your watch smashed into chucks. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck I can’t fail.” You cursed multiple times under your breath. The main part of the watch wasn’t broken but, it wouldn’t be able to get you home. All you could do is send a message. You hated the idea.

You started to glitch.

“Lyla…” You choked out. Lyla's distorted figure popped up.

“Yes?”

“Backup, please.” You spoke, your whole body on the floor. Trembling in pain.

“On it-” The creature steps on the watch. Breaking it for sure.

 Your vision was blurring. All the noise around you started to get quieter. All you could hear was your heartbeat and your heavy breathing.

-

Lyla popped out of nowhere.

“What is it?” Miguel asked, slightly annoyed.

“Backup protocols were called.” She’d pulled up a screen of information.

His brows knitted against each other. This is where he sent Y/n. Panic erupted in his body,  “Open the portal.” He spoke in a serious tone. Nanotech spreading throughout his head for his mask.

As he enters the other side of the portal. An agonized scream rang through his ear. He spotted Y/n instantly.

“Piece of cake, you said.” He mutters under his breath.

 As you were being thrown, Miguel was able to grab you before you were thrown into the wall. You felt a warm arm around you. You couldn’t recognize who it was, your vision too blurry. Breathing was getting harder for you. 

“Y/n, please open your eyes.” He said, holding onto you. “Don’t die on me, mi amor.” His voice cracked slightly. His hands stained with your blood.

 He dropped you off somewhere safe before returning to the creature. It took him a little over 3 minutes to handle the creature. He captures the creature, sending him off to base. Heading back to you.

He checked your pulse making sure you were still breathing. He carried you in his arms. Your eyes opened a little to see him. You were glitching again.

“M- Miguel?” You choked, seemingly worn out. “Mi amor, I’m here.” He said. He was pretty warm. You felt like you were about to cry- No you were crying. Tears fell down your face. Mixing with your blood.

“I- I’m sorry. I.. I failed you.” You were so tired, so very tired. “Shh, It’s okay. You're going to be okay.” He tried to reassure you. It felt more as he was reassuring himself. You could feel his arm shaking violently.

“Stay awake.” He ordered. Your eyes were dropping slowly. “Stay. Awake. Please.” This time it felt more like a beg than an order.

“Y/n!”

-

Everything was quiet. Lonely, you didn’t think death would be this empty. Were you in Hell or Heaven? Your guess. Neither.

‘Beep, Beep.’

A constant beep rang through. 

Later on, you heard a faint sob. 

“Please, I can’t lose you too.” It sounded like Miguel.

And there it was. Quiet again. 

“Stable!”

Then more sobbing, but it was louder this time. You’d regain another sense. Touch. You felt a warm grip on your hand.

“Mi querida, please wake up.” He said, with more of a sob. The warm grip on your hands never leaves your senses.

-

“Miguel, you haven’t eaten anything in days.” Jessica said.

“I don’t care.” He spat.

She had her arms on her hips and looked at him in a worried gaze. “Waiting right next to her, won’t make her wake up any faster.”

He repeated again. “I don’t care.” His words getting a little more frustrated. “This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have sent her alone.” He mutters.

“Do you think she’d be happy to see you in this condition?” She placed a hand on his shoulder. Miguel shook his head no.

“I’m not hungry-” He was cut off. “I’m getting the doctors to bring you food. Y/n, would have wanted for you to eat, too.” She walked away. Hearing her name, he tightened his grip on her hand.

-

Atlas, you regain vision. Your vision was blurry at first. Before seeing a figure right beside you.

It was Miguel. In all his glory. He was asleep. You snicker a little bit. Since you have never seen him asleep before. The lights in the Med Bay seem to dim a little. Which comforts your eyes a little. You stared at his brown locks.

You tried raising your hand, but stopped since it ached too much to raise. You wanted to feel his hair. He slept so peacefully. Looking so. Handsome? You shook your head to get rid of the thoughts. You saw that you were hooked up to multiple maschine.

Your eyes trace back to Miguel as he seems to be waking up.

“G’morning sleepyhead.” You smiled.

You could see his eyes widen. He brought you close to an embrace. Careful not to hurt you. He’d crash his lips onto yours. Kissing you lightly.

“I told you I’ll wait for you.”

-

W.C 1.4k

[house-of-slayterr]

I forgot To Blink:

Part 2 of Blinky’s backstory for @myers-meadow-selfship

Cw: A tiny bit of ableism and verbal abuse, nothing too graphic. (Not me making this a vent fic 🤪)

Blinky’s POV:

We’d been sitting in this musty van all day, Jay insisted on smoking weed without opening a window. I could feel the slight buzz of a second hand high hitting me. But I stayed quiet, not like they would listen anyway. Darla was sat next to me and my brother by her side.

She finally womaned up and asked him out, and I have to say, I don’t know what she saw in him. But he was a little nicer when she was around, and I was grateful for that. Becky was fiddling with the radio, paying whatever popular garbage was current. And Jay drummed his hands against the wheel as he hummed along.

I could feel that familiar dooms day feeling crashing over me. It happened anytime a place got too loud or too stuffy. I thought I was doing a good job at hiding it, but I guess I screwed that up too. Darla turned to me and squeezed my hand lightly.

“You good?” She whispered.

I shook my head.

“Hey Jay, you think we can stop for some fresh air? I’m getting a little cramped back here.” She asked.

I was thankful she didn’t throw me under the bus. It confused me how someone so kind could be attracted to my brother. He barley even paid attention to her when they were together, unless they were making out or having sex. I doubt he even knew her favourite colour. It was obvious it was purple, she wore it almost everyday.

“We’re never gonna make it to the damn beach if we keep stopping.” My brother snapped.

“Relax dude, we need some gas anyways. We’ll just stop up ahead and you can get us more beer yeah?” Jay said.

It was typical the person driving got to make the decisions on a road trip. Or so I’d read. My brother just grumbled. We pulled into a desolate little stop. There were only 4 gas pumps, and the pavement was sun bleached. It’s the type of place you’d typically want to avoid. But right now I would walk face first into a sharks mouth if it meant getting out of this damn car.

I watched as Jay took the keys out of the ignition and stepped unbuckled. He was about to open the door when I spoke up.

“You can’t pump your own gas here, you’ll get a fine.” I warned.

“Oh, thanks.” He said simply, hopping out and heading toward the door to go get someone.

But before he made it across the parking lot, someone was already on their way over. They probably don’t get a lot of visitors. The man had an odd appearance, at least for a day job. He kinda looked like a clown, and I giggled slightly to myself.

“What a freak.” My brother commented.

Reminding me of my already sour mood. He grabbed Darla’s hand and dragged her inside. I followed behind and left Becky in the front seat. Last thing I needed was to be trapped alone in a conversation with her. Talking with her was made me want to smash my head into a brick wall. She only cared about material things, and skin care. One more comment about how I’d look nicer if I just put on some mascara and I was going to rip out all my eyelashes just to spite her. Being seen as “pretty” served me no interest, I didn’t want to attract boys, or any attention really.

I shuffled into the gas station, looking around. It seemed like some sort of gift store, one stop shop combo. Guess it made sense, there wasn’t much for miles. Best to be the store that has everything so you make all the profits. I could feel eyes on me when I entered. I could always tell when someone was watching, it gave that uncomfortable feeling that made your skin crawl. I believe that was what people were referring to when they talked about “goosebumps”. Emotions were hard for me to understand, no one could ever explain them to me.

I tried to ignore it, still calming down from the anxiety of travelling somewhere I didn’t know. I don’t even know why my brother brought me along. I hated the beach and everything it brought with it. The hot sand, the salty water, the slimy stones or seaweed or little fish that caught you off guard. Not to mention the shallow boys doing stupid things to impress girls, but really it’s just a show for their friends. And the half naked girls throwing themselves at any guy with a little muscle. It simply wasn’t my scene. But Mother always insisted I go along with him, hoping I’d make a friend and stop being her problem. That’s all I ever really was to them, a problem.

My eyes landed on some colourful packaging and I stalked over to it. They were sour gummy worms! I loved sour Candy! In my excitement I seemed to forget who I was in the company of a si approached the counter. My brother yelled at me in annoyance and stomped after of the store after paying for his beer. Darla followed after him like a puppy dog. I looked through my pockets to see if I had any money left. Jay left his wallet in the car at the last dinner so I paid for dinner. I had just wanted to leave. I sighed when I realised I didn’t have anything left. My money for the entire trip wasted. As I was about to put it back, the man from behind the counter held out his hand. I looked at him confused.

I attempted to explain to him I didn’t have enough money and was just going to put them back. But it seemed like he wasn’t taking no for an answer. Why was he being so nice? It wasn’t a very smart business move to sell a product for less than it was worth. By the looks of this place, they weren’t making enough money from stray tourists. I sighed handing him my necklace. He could think of it as a tip, he seemed like a hard worker. I gave a tight lipped smile before I walked back to the car.

My brother was behind the wheel now and it seemed he was eager to leave this place. I watched as we pulled into an old rundown motel. I stayed behind as they talked to the receptionist and got the keys. I leaned up against the side of the van.

“The fuck are you laying around for? Get the bags in the room!” My brother snapped, tossing me the key.

I didn’t waste any time, knowing I could rest soon if I got it done. I heard Becky’s ear piercing laughter as I struggled to drag the last bag inside. Despite the no smoking sign on the outside of the door, Jay had already lit another joint and was passing it around the room.

“Thanks for bringing in our bags.” Darla said.

At least someone appreciated my efforts. I slumped down against the wall in the back corner.

“Wanna hit?” Jay asked.

I opened my mouth to speak, but my brother beat me too it.

“Don’t waste your good weed on them man. They wouldn’t even know the difference.”

Jay just shrugged, taking another hit. I tuned out the noise as I slumped back against the wall. This corner wasn’t too bad, at least the carpet was kinda soft. There were two queen beds, and it made sense the couples would get them. I just prayed they had the decency to not get all handsy in their cross faded stupor. I could ignore casual conversation, but Becky was a loud moaner, well she was loud all around. But if I had to over hear her shagging Jay one more time, I was going to pull a Van Gogh and cut off my ear. Fuck it, might even become a hermit too, it beat this bullshit.

We were interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Fran-“ my brother began.

“Already on it!” I snapped.

I shouldn’t of felt bad, he deserved it. But I hated when my overstimulation ruined the mood.

“What the fuck did you just say to me?”

“Babe, just drop it.” Darla plead.

Had to say, this was the one time I was thankful she was pulling him in for a kiss. As long as it kept him quiet and attention off me. I opened the door to see a girl standing there. She was quiet pretty, and I liked her cowboy hat.

“Nice hat.” I said, before I could even stop myself.

She giggled.

“We’ll hey there cutie!” She smiled at me.

I couldn’t help but blush, no one had ever called me cute. Not even when I was a baby, my mother always said my brother was the cuter offspring. Something about me not looking right when I came out. She said my fucked up head showed on the outside. It seems I got distracted because she giggled again.

“You ok there sugar plum? You’re redder then a life guards nose.”

I was utterly embarrassed.

“People do often forget to put sunscreen on their noses.”

“You’re funny, I like you.” She said.

“Frances, who the fuck is at the door?”

I groaned. I saw a slight shift in her face, but I couldn’t discern it. I wasn’t all that good at reading people.

“Well I was just about to tell this sweet little thing here that all the restaurants in town are closed for the night. You met my brother down there at the station, and my Mama suggested I invite you folks over for some dinner. Ya must me starving after all the driving.”

She gave a dazzling smile.

“Oh, that’s kind of you.” Darla commented, trying to decline in a polite way. “But I think we’re alright.”

“Ya sure, Mama’s awful excited to have some guest. We don’t get many visitors round here. It be no trouble at all.”

But she wasn’t talking to Darla, she was looking right at Jay. I rolled my eyes slightly when I watched his fall down to her chest and move back up to her eyes.

“I could eat!” He said.

“Better than these chips.” Becky agreed. “Besides this idiot been drinking all afternoon, don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night to him puking cause he went to be on an empty stomach.”

Darla showed some apprehension, but agreed none the less. “I guess I am sort of hungry, babe?”

“Hope your brother has better table manners than he does customer service skills.”

“Then it’s settled, you folks follow me.” She said.

“I don’t believe we got your name, I’m Jason.” Jay shamelessly flirted.

I never understood how someone could do that right in front of the person they supposedly “loved.” But it seems that’s something I would never understand.

“You can call me Baby, Sugar, everyone in town does.”

The glare plastered on Becky’s face wasn’t surprising. I followed up the back, letting them handle the bulk of the small talk. Baby kept stealing glances at me and I couldn’t tell for the life of me why. I just kept my gaze on my shoes. The house was just as run down as the store, if not more. But it had good bones. Must have been made sometimes in the late 1800’s by the looks of it. A little paint and it would be good as new.

It smelled nice when we entered, whatever Baby’s mom was cooking smelt lovely. I relaxed a little, glad to be back out of the Texas heat. As I leaned against the door frame, I sent another smile smile to the man from the store. It was actually kind of nice to see him again. I sat down next to Baby as dinner was served.

A smile smile graced my face as I listened in to the dinner talk. Everyone was actually being pleasant for once. And our hosts accents were smooth and buttery. It felt homey, well, more like the opposite of home. And I guess that’s what I liked about it. I noticed they took a liking to pet names, throwing them out every other sentence. My head grew a little heavy, but I suppose it was getting kind of late. Suddenly Jay collapsed into his food. I starred at him bewildered.

I mean I head of people passing out after smoking too much weed, but that seemed dramatic. I once realised that wasn’t what was happening when the others looked as confused as I was. No, not confused, sacred. Becky looked horrified. But more importantly my brother looked livid. I couldn’t even comprehend half the things he shouted at me. I watched helplessly as one by one his friends fell, but he was too focused screaming at me to care. I was seconds away from having a meltdown but I tied my best to stifle it. I could feel my brain slipping away into dissociation.

As if to answer my silent prayers, the man from the gas station smashed a bottle over his head. I couldn’t stop the trembling before it started. I was so confused and upset and nothing made sense right now. And I could feel all eyes in the room on me. Baby said something to break the silence but I couldn’t really comprehend it fully.

My medicine? What did they give me? My brain felt sluggish and slow, but I couldn’t help by lean into her warm touch. It was so gentle, unlike anything I’d ever known. Despite my best efforts my eyes closed and all the sounds faded away.

I woke up in a bed. The events of last night came rushing back to me and I shot up. I was still wearing yesterdays clothes. I threw the blanket off to see my shoes were still on. I took stock of myself, I didn’t notice any new scrapes or busies. I wasn’t bleeding, I didn’t wake up in an ice bath with my kidney missing. So things could certainly be worse. I crept my way over to the door and tried the handle, but it was locked.

Of course it was locked, idiot. Everyone was just drugged by a bunch of strangers. But why? I wasn’t hurt, but perhaps it was foolish to assume the others were as fortunate. I heard footsteps from down the hall and ran back to the bed, throwing the blanket over my head and slowing my breathing. I’d done it thousands of times before, when I didn’t want my mother to know I’d stayed up passed my bed time. I heard the click of a door opening.

“Aww, they’re still sleeping Otis, look.” Baby whispered.

All I could hear was a grunt in response from the man who was supposedly Otis.

“It should have warn off by now.” He said.

“Maybe they’re just tired, poor thing looked like they hadn’t slept in days. Their eye bags made them look like a racoon.” She giggled.

“Baby, what are you doin?” He asked.

“I wanna play with my new friend Otis, stop being such a cocksucker.” She hissed.

I felt the bed dip and then a hand on my shoulder, shaking me ‘awake’. I decided it was best to play along and slowly opened my eyes, feigning a small young.

“Good morning sleepy head!” She greeted cheerfully.

“Cool it with the volume Baby, christ they just woke up. People don’t want to deal with you barbie personality first thing in the morning.” He jabbed at her.

“It’s ok.” I said softly.

She glared at him almost as if to say “you see, it’s fine.”

“How ya feelin? Sorry things got a little… intense, last night.” She said.

A little intense, what at odd way to recount last nights events. I decided I didn’t want to beat around the bush.

“Did you- did you kill them?” I asked.

Otis stiffened at this, uncrossing his arms from his chest and almost instinctively moving to block the door. Like he’d done it a thousand times before.

“Sure did Puppy! Your little friends weren’t so friendly.”

“They weren’t my friends.” I corrected.

She raised her eyebrow at me.

“You called them my friends, they were my brothers friends.”

“Oh, so then that piece of shit is your brother.” Otis said.

“Is? Not was…”

“You got a brain on you kid, yeah, fuckers still alive. Much to my distaste.”

“How come?” I asked curiously.

The two shared a look between them. What, did I say something wrong? I was always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and getting in trouble for it. I mentally prepared myself to be scolded.

“You know, I give Otis here shit all the time, but brothers ain’t supposed to be like that.” Baby said.

“They aren’t?”

I looked to Otis to see him frown and shake his head.

“He like that all the time?” He asked me.

I nodded. “He was actually on his best behaviour yesterday. He nice in front of people.”

“Nice?” He scoffed. “Your brother wouldn’t know nice if it bit him in the dick!”

I giggled a little at that. I liked Otis, he was funny.

“You think that’s funny?” He asked.

Baby was smiling at me and I couldn’t help but blush again. It was odd to have so much positive attention on me.

“It’s a little funny” I admitted shamefully.

Otis dropped his guard a little, moving closer to the bed.

“Are you going to kill me?” I asked sadly.

I mean I suppose if anyone was to do it, I’d want it to be them. They were so nice, maybe they would make it quick. Suddenly Baby’s hands were on my face, gripping my cheeks.

“Don’t you ever say something like that again! Of course not you sweet baby. Why would anybody ever what to hurt a cute little thing like you?” She said.

Her tone was sweet, but her hands were forceful. I could tell I upset her and I wanted to cry. I really didn’t mean to.

“I’m sorry, I always fuck these things up, my brother was right.” I said.

Otis sat on the other side of me on the bed.

“Nothing out of that gutter trashes mouth is right, ya hear? The fuck did he tell you?” He sounded angry too.

I held back my tears, starring forward at the wall, afraid if I blinked they’d finally fall.

“He and Mother always said no one would ever love me because I’m Autistic. I make everyone uncomfortable and I do things that aren’t right. I don’t understand a lot of things, and it’s really hard. But I promise I’m trying.” I said.

Their silence was the loudest thing I ever heard. It made my skin crawl and my ears hot. I just wanted them to say something, anything. Even if it was just them changing their minds. I get it, I’d just be a burden anyways. I jumped slightly when Baby touched me, expecting her to grab my arm harshly. But instead she just pulled back and sighed.

“I’m going to fucking kill that shit for brains.” She muttered.

“Look, kid-“ Otis started.

I turned to him, giving aggressive eye contact. I didn’t mean to, I just didn’t know where else to look right now. I watched him tense and internally cringed. Great job proving your point dumb ass.

“Your brothers an idiot. Shit, I’m pretty sure Baby here has what your fancy city doctors call ADHD-“

“Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?” I asked, my interest piqued.

“Was that even English?” He asked.

“Yes.” I said, confused.

“That was a joke- I. Point is, seems to me like your plenty lovable. Shit, ya got me over here feeling bad and shit. And that ain’t easy. We’re not gonna let anyone hurt ya Kid. Fuck, we need a name for ya!” He groaned in frustration.

“How bout Blinky?” Baby pipped up, her chipper mood returning.

“The fuck did you just say?”

“Cause they don’t blink. Think I’ve only seen em blink twice since they opened those pretty little eyes.” She giggled.

“Oh, sorry.” I said.

A few tears finally fell when I closed my eyes and I groaned. I hated crying, my tears were always hot and they burned my skin. I frustratedly wiped them away with my sweater sleeve.

“Aww shit Sugar, don’t cry.” Baby said.

“I’m not, they just do that sometimes.” I said.

She giggled once more. Apparently a noise she made quite frequently. But her laugh wasn’t annoying like Becky’s, so I didn’t mind all that much.

“I- I like Blinky.” I said seriously, giving her a small smile.

“Then it’s settled! Spaulding already agreed you could stay. Course, he said I gotta take care of you. But I’m so excited to have a little sibling finally! We’re gonna have so much fun together Blinky Firefly!!” She squealed.

She pulled me into a tight hug, and I stiffened.

“Alright, release them you python.” Otis joked, “don’t think they can breath.”

“Oops.”

“Welcome to the family Blinky. Not sure I can say the same for your blood, he’ll be gone by morning you just say the word.” Otis offered.

“I think I’d like that, yes.” I answered honestly.

“You’ll fit in just fine here.” He said, ruffling my hair before leaving the room.

“Go easy on em Baby, don’t want to scare em away.”

He made his leave. She grabbed my hand and started dragging me to the door.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Can’t be a Firefly looking that that, let’s get you cleaned up.”

I certainly had a lot of change to get used to. But somehow it didn’t seem so scary. I think I’ll like it here.

An: Not sure if Texas specially fallows the gas rule, but for the purposes of the story we’re going to not fact check me on that, lol 😂 Also, I want to make it very clear that I don’t think any of these things about Autistic people. These are just things I’ve heard as an autistic person.

[ariparri]

Hiii

1,5,35,42

Thanks for the asks 💜 

Though I wasn't sure what OC you wanted me to answer for, so I went with random ones here.

Ask Post

1. What’s the lie your character says most often?

- Yuna says a lot of things that can sound like a lie. Though most of the time it's "I love my job! Never would quit for anything." When in fact, she doesn't like her job. She hates running around passing on messages to and from the important people of the Tri-Commissions. Some of these figure heads make her want to smash her face into the wall. And then there's times when her own friend/boss has to leave her alone to her boredom. Yuna's mini snowmen version of her can only entertain her for so long.

5. Can they cry on command? If so, what do they think about to make it happen?

- Oh Yuna can totally cry on command. She doesn't have to think, the moment she hears hesitation or reluctance in people's voices Yuna will start pouting and her eyes will get all big and teary. She'll act like her feelings were hurt and when the person gives in she'll revert back to her happy cheerful self. She only does this method when she wants to get out of work.

 

35. What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they’ve made?

- For Saori, that would be going against her friend and collegue, Kujou Sara. Saori respects Sara and holds her in such high regards. Yet during the Sakoku Decree, and seeing the affects on the people with the Vision Hunt, Saori felt unsettled with the way things were going in Inazuma. When voicing her own opinions regarding it, she was accused of questioning the Shogun's authority. Reasoning with Sara wasn't easy and it eventually led them to fight in front of the Shogun.

42. If invited to a TED Talk, what topic would they present on? What would the title of their presentation be?

- Carson's TED Talk would be on "Why Puffskeins Are Evil" and "You Should Never Eat Your Friend's Last Tart" These talks coincide with one another. Since Carson ate Veruca's tart, and she's a petty girl, Carson's laundry soap and cologne were tampered with bits of creature food. And ever since then creatures, puffskeins specifically, have been going after him everyday.

[cryptic-paw]

A Rambling

What is wrong with me?

The strain on my brain is starting to be unbearable

My life is one, sick, twisted game

I feel the longing and desire

I want to see blood, everywhere blood

PAINT THE WORLD RED

He would want it like that

I must make him proud to call me his Harley Quinn

They only see me smiling on the outside

What they don’t know is that I’m not always smiling on the inside

I cry black tears, but I bleed red blood

What am I?

A FREAK?

The voices keep telling me things

They fight with each other and with me

A big tug-of-war

I am she, she is me, she is also me, he is he, but she is not she and I am not he

My core feels like it’s gonna EXPLODE

Something is there that has not been there before but has existed there and hasn’t been back in quite a while

Hardly anyone understands this pain and SUFFERING

A string has been tied to my limbs

Most people don’t have “the potential”

How could they?

They’re 100% SANE

They can’t know the feeling of not knowing if one’s self is a pawn, that the weight of the air is TORTURE, that no matter how hard you bang against the white padded walls, you can’t escpe, especially when you realize your arms are in a fucking STRAITJACKET

So much a curse as it is a gift

Insanity is the only true clarity

What happens when two come together and the mentality of one is questioned by the other?

I mean this both ways

What if one was a bit overwhelmed or surprised by the extreme and compulsive obsessiveness of the other, and in that reaction, the other in turn was beginning to worry that she was the more psychotic?

What if she secretly hoped that HE would happen to be the more insane and unstable one?

What if she wanted to be shown up by more psychotic and hellish ideas than the ones she forms in her mind everyday?

What if, for a change, she could actually be UNDERSTOOD?

She only ever wanted to find her match, her perfect soul to share, her Mr. J

She knew he would be perfect in all his imperfections

There would be pain , would be hurt; she knew that

And within the abuse and psychosis and chaos that…

THAT’S where she finds love

This may seem to the sane a most bizarre method of finding their one and only

Then again, she isn’t exactly the definition of “normal” or “sane”

All she ever wanted was to find HIM

Love HIM

Share insanity with HIM

Learn from HIM

Spread chaos with HIM

But ultimately?

To have him be able to know, understand, and warp her thoughts

The sad fact?

She would let it happen

To butt out the auto-pilot and let him CONTROL

There’s no escaping what’s inside you

I learned that when I let IT take over

Not only is hell in my mind, it’s everywhere I go

Reality chooses to ignore it, but I know it’s there

It’s ALWAYS there, whether you choose to believe it or not

If you have IT, then you see it

That’s why so many people are oblivious, the sane ones

They’re disgusting

So stupidly ignorant and blinded to the fact that is staring right into their dumbass eyeballs!!!

And yet, they’ll never be able to know because their brains prevent it from happening

It makes it so much more satisfying to smash their skulls or pump their guts with lead

You see, IT chooses you before you’re even born

All you have to do is find it and ACCEPT IT INTO YOUR BEING

But when you think there must be someone, ANYONE, out there who’s just like you, you’re always brough back to

ISOLATION

As as it suggests, it gets...so...lonely

Sure, you’re separated from the rest of the world

The only true world is in your head

Reality is just a buncha fakers

But your mind is also separated

At first, it’s interesting, messing with your psyche...until it begins to TORTURE you

Especially when no one knows but you, it’s hard

REAL. FUCKING. HARD.

No one to turn to...THAT, my dear risky reader, is true hell

HELL HELL!!!

And there’s no escape

Not for anyone

Not even to your nearest loved one…

It hurts

I hurt

And they keep screaming at me from inside

HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL

[crypticpawpoems]

A Rambling

What is wrong with me?

The strain on my brain is starting to be unbearable

My life is one, sick, twisted game

I feel the longing and desire

I want to see blood, everywhere blood

PAINT THE WORLD RED

He would want it like that

I must make him proud to call me his Harley Quinn

They only see me smiling on the outside

What they don’t know is that I’m not always smiling on the inside

I cry black tears, but I bleed red blood

What am I?

A FREAK?

The voices keep telling me things

They fight with each other and with me

A big tug-of-war

I am she, she is me, she is also me, he is he, but she is not she and I am not he

My core feels like it’s gonna EXPLODE

Something is there that has not been there before but has existed there and hasn’t been back in quite a while

Hardly anyone understands this pain and SUFFERING

A string has been tied to my limbs

Most people don’t have “the potential”

How could they?

They’re 100% SANE

They can’t know the feeling of not knowing if one’s self is a pawn, that the weight of the air is TORTURE, that no matter how hard you bang against the white padded walls, you can’t escpe, especially when you realize your arms are in a fucking STRAITJACKET

So much a curse as it is a gift

Insanity is the only true clarity

What happens when two come together and the mentality of one is questioned by the other?

I mean this both ways

What if one was a bit overwhelmed or surprised by the extreme and compulsive obsessiveness of the other, and in that reaction, the other in turn was beginning to worry that she was the more psychotic?

What if she secretly hoped that HE would happen to be the more insane and unstable one?

What if she wanted to be shown up by more psychotic and hellish ideas than the ones she forms in her mind everyday?

What if, for a change, she could actually be UNDERSTOOD?

She only ever wanted to find her match, her perfect soul to share, her Mr. J

She knew he would be perfect in all his imperfections

There would be pain , would be hurt; she knew that

And within the abuse and psychosis and chaos that…

THAT’S where she finds love

This may seem to the sane a most bizarre method of finding their one and only

Then again, she isn’t exactly the definition of “normal” or “sane”

All she ever wanted was to find HIM

Love HIM

Share insanity with HIM

Learn from HIM

Spread chaos with HIM

But ultimately?

To have him be able to know, understand, and warp her thoughts

The sad fact?

She would let it happen

To butt out the auto-pilot and let him CONTROL

There’s no escaping what’s inside you

I learned that when I let IT take over

Not only is hell in my mind, it’s everywhere I go

Reality chooses to ignore it, but I know it’s there

It’s ALWAYS there, whether you choose to believe it or not

If you have IT, then you see it

That’s why so many people are oblivious, the sane ones

They’re disgusting

So stupidly ignorant and blinded to the fact that is staring right into their dumbass eyeballs!!!

And yet, they’ll never be able to know because their brains prevent it from happening

It makes it so much more satisfying to smash their skulls or pump their guts with lead

You see, IT chooses you before you’re even born

All you have to do is find it and ACCEPT IT INTO YOUR BEING

But when you think there must be someone, ANYONE, out there who’s just like you, you’re always brough back to

ISOLATION

As as it suggests, it gets...so...lonely

Sure, you’re separated from the rest of the world

The only true world is in your head

Reality is just a buncha fakers

But your mind is also separated

At first, it’s interesting, messing with your psyche...until it begins to TORTURE you

Especially when no one knows but you, it’s hard

REAL. FUCKING. HARD.

No one to turn to...THAT, my dear risky reader, is true hell

HELL HELL!!!

And there’s no escape

Not for anyone

Not even to your nearest loved one…

It hurts

I hurt

And they keep screaming at me from inside

HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Become Part of The Pack on the Official Cryptic Paw website, YouTube, and Patreon!

[ytakblog]

Window Pain.

I saw Colin smash his head through a door,

He shoved it right through,

Black and blue.

I was very young,

My life had just began.

And I saw a man in pain smash his head through a window pane.

He had dark adidas trousers on, and braced himself.

I didn’t understand.

I just saw him hurt himself.

Because of a very painful life.

It was sick,

He was a young man and didn’t deserve that,

I don’t know how I reacted.

I was in fear.

It shattered.

A life in tatters.

Because of pain inflicted.

Something that conflicted.

Something that was never meant,

Hurting another,

Because of a cycle of pain.

Treated with such disdain.

Left to die.

Not his own fault, but that of another,

Extreme pain,

Shoved through a window pane.

A man ruined his life,

And thereby ruined the whole family’s lives.

Because of a selfish desire,

That was inflicted on my brother,

By a tosspot called the paedaphile next door,

His name was Chris.

He hurt my brother,

I think he even did it to me.

I only remembered 25 years later.

3 men were in the room and me,

Colin’s friend Dan killed himself,

After witnessing whatever happened,

I was a little girl,

And went back home with something on my back,

Through a gate that had a loveheart on.

It fucked me up,

But it was covered over,

I was what 8/9.

A man died.

And a man cried inside.

Dan was from Stroud, 6’7 and good.

Colin was good too,

I never understood.

I don’t know why, but it hurts inside,

To live a life of such pain,

Makes me want to cry and die inside,

Every day,

I die,

And cry.

My heart is sometimes in so much pain,

That its hard to reframe.

It did hurt,

But that’s life.

I see beauty in pain.

Because my life has been tragic.

But, so has many,

Shit, I don’t know.

I’m just like any.

Fuck Chris.

Forgive Chris

You called me the strong one.

You don’t have any.

How many did you abuse?

Selfish Prick.

I don’t want your dick,

Thanks.

Shove it somewhere else,

And have your pane back.

The one you ruined.

Dickhead.

Paedo

All I remember is Dan’s arms up against the door frame, crying in pain,

I was hypnotised,

Colin was laughing, as you sat on me,

That’s why my hair turned dark,

Because you either wanked on me or raped me.

What a twat.

Go back home Asshat.

You killed a man.

Dan’s dead.

Was it bleach or herion he injected himself with?

After filing a police report?

Then a teacher wiped it from my memory,

Conveniently.

And no-one knew.

Accept for lives shattered.

Like a pane of glass that mattered,

And in their pain, they smashed their head through it.

Because, the truth was too painful.

And not accepted,

Rejected.

To live with pain,

And to not understand why.

To not even understand the action of it, and not know what it’s called.

Sex.

Because of a man who had inclined desires,

You left many with scars

Darren joined the army.

Colin wasn’t allowed.

And a little girl was left with conflicting memories, confused and made to feel immense pain, in hypnosis. And she couldn’t remember

Why when she was older, why she was scared of her big brother.

The one that laughed as she may have been raped,

Or wanked on…

And joked at it all,

Because he was in pain, and went though it all before.

But, when he saw his little sister go through it alone,

He gestured, and said, ‘Come on Katy, you know you want some…’

And his best friend, cried against a door.

And left that place, went home and committed suicide by injection.

I told Mother something happened,

She didn’t understand.

Colin told her behind a wall.

And that best friend he had was no more.

And this little sister disowned her big brother, that day.

Because he let her down,

And left her in dismay.

Then, 12 years later he wanted to Rape her everyday.

Everyday was controlled by him.

I was a beautiful woman,

And was very vulnerable, but it didn’t matter…

Because my family didn’t care..

Colin was the Man of the House,

And who was in hurt, took his pane out on me,

The door he smashed his head through,

Became me.

A door to fuck.

And no-one cared.

Everyday, stuck in a room, asking for help,

A yelp.

But, no-one helped, because he was raped.

So maybe was I.

And he was there.

But, he didn’t care.

He mocked me and his best friend.

At least I was hypnotised,

I would have died otherwise,

The man next door made Colin shove his head through a door, and then he wanted to knock at my door.

Everyday.

Pure Hell.

Doesn’t matter.

Never happened.

Covered over.

Cost me my happiness and life.

A cycle of pain continued,

A pane that could never be replaced.

A pain of glass, that was shattered,

Nothing mattered.

Only a man’s desires.

He was in pain.

I’m in immense pain and never complain.

I could even be called a Saint.

Canonised maybe, in C of E.

But, it didn’t matter.

Because I was an attractive woman,

And didn’t matter,

I was left to shatter.

And the door was his,

Because he was a Man, and I was nothing.

It was all his, his right.

Because Men do that.

Inflict pain.

Everyone in pane feels just the same.

A life in tatters, smashed through glass, because

Some people matter less.

You never mattered less to me, but if one day you can tell me what happened to me, I’m open.

You never mattered less to me,

You matter,

You hurt me, but I understand.

You rule with your head, not what a paedo did to you.

Your life can be rebuilt from tatters, the glass

left in shatters can be

Rebuilt, and your life can

Be rebuilt from the ashes.

You know I love you,

The brother in pain,

We may have gone through the same,

The glass has gone from that window pane,

But, the shards still show.

I’m in pain too,

Just like you.

But Humanity never knew.

YTAK.

[kindar-life]

A week has gone by

A week can make a lot of difference. First off, thank you for the replies, here and elsewhere. Not only does it help to know people care, but enough have pointed out that this is something happening to a lot of people on Patreon and other such sites that it shifted the situation from “I’m the problem,” to “this is something going on all around.” It might not sound like much, but sometimes, a shift in point of view is all that’s needed to bring things back on a semblance of normalcy. That’s not to say the ‘stress’ is gone. My income is low enough that any shifts are things I must pay attention to, but I’m no longer smashing my head against a wall thinking I should quit this (that only lasted a few seconds) So, I am still writing everyday, and updating my Patreon. There will be alterations to the posting schedule coming down the line, but I haven’t decided what exactly they will be. The goal will be to add variety without over flooding my supporters. If you have ideas of what you’d like me to post there, I’m all ears. So this is a short one, just thanking you and letting your know I’m going okay. As usual, you can find me Monday to Friday on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/thetigerwrites  8AM EST to late afternoon. My Twitter is @TheTigerWrites If you want to support me, You can do so through my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/kindar and by buying my books, Sylvain-St-Pierre’s Author page And with that. I, will wish you a good day.

Posted using PostyBirb

[born-to-qvit]

god i hate stan twt so fucking much, there's always drama going on

[sluttyyrose]

i hate feeling so full of rage and disappointment all the time.

[the-monkeies-girl]

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez Headcanons. ( Part One. )

IDK MAN. I don’t know how many parts this is going to be but uhm. Please enjoy, likes and reblogs are always appreciated as is feedback! These are long as heck, counting in at over 2k words. Pls let me know if u are interested in more! I have many thoughts. Warnings: Mild Violence, language. 

Grimmjow x Reader. ( Fandom: Bleach. ) 

Grimmjow didn't realize just how important smell was in the sense of attraction. He knew what it was in battle, to smell the adrenaline, the anger and the desperation for a win. He knew what it was in everyday life, smelling fear from lower ranking arrancars when he was in their presence. But, from the first moment he met you, your scent has been etched into the back of his nose, taunting him that he can’t just rip you open to smell your blood, begging him to touch you without any words.

You felt like breathing was suffocating. Holding your breath did nothing but set your lungs on fire, you knew that but you felt like you had to as your back hit against a sandy wall, two hands coming up to encapsulate your face from moving either direction. You had to look at him, he was forcing you. Look at me or die, his actions told you. “You better not make my life hell,” That didn't need to be said but it was grinding to hear, “Stay out of my way. And I might not have to kill ya.” A squeak rose from your chest and his blue eyes narrowed as eye contact was finally accomplished. He was striking - teal strips under his eyes that only served to narrow his already intimidating gaze, the shattered hollow mask on the side of his face with razor sharp teeth that glistened when he moved his head, silky blue hair that framed his pale face almost perfectly. Your eyes met once again after you studied him up close, a shockwave sending shivers down your spine when his spiritual pressure spiked. Intentionally. Swallowing, your knees buckled beneath the weight of your body and you slid down the wall as all your energy was brought to a halt. He followed you without hesitation, grabbing the front of your shirt and assuring you stayed on your own two feet by hoisting you upwards. The teeth of his hollow mask were nothing compared to the set that showed when a smile spread across his defined features. It was twisted and maniacal, like if you crossed him he’d bring you forward and smash you through the wall. An invisible threat that was very much a real possibility. “Ya understand what I’m sayin’, or are ya stupid? You nodded. Before you knew what was happening, you were jolting forward, your face mere centimeters away from his. Your hands flailed backwards in some attempt to stop the movement, but that was in vain. His power tore through you and your arms were grasping at his as he still held you up by your bunched up shirt. This intimidation tactic backfired almost immediately. Cerulean eyes widened, but only a fraction and Grimmjow knew you were unable to tell his reaction to getting the sudden… Dare he say a whiff of your natural scent. For a fraction of a second, it felt like his entire body would jump out of his skin. Sweat, pouring from almost every nerve of your body, fear searing its way down your spine, exhilaration… All things he knew the smell of but this was something new, something almost sickly to him. There was something there, something the panther couldn’t quite put his finger on. His eyes peered down. In the position he had you in, the skin of your neck and clavicle were on display for him. If he focused enough, he was sure to see your heartbeat through one of the veins running deliciously down your neck. Oh, in this moment all he wanted was to press his tongue there and to put a taste to what he was smelling.  Grimmjow drew a loud breath in, almost to the point of pain. He could smell your blood riding into every one of his senses, his urge to slam you down in domination almost too powerful to control. The smile that slapped across his face only got more radical when your nails dug into his skin, tearing Grimmjow back to reality. You were pleading with him silently to put you down, to stop this. An instinct he was happy to see since there was no rational explanation for the smell you were rubbing off on him. He’d focus on this instead. “Good to know you’re not a complete imbecile and will fight when you’re threatened.”  His hot breath was overpowering, it cascaded against your face, down your neck and rested uncomfortably on your chest, which was already ablaze from lack of proper breathing. “Save it. You’re in the presence of a King, I don’t blame you for tryin’ to defend yourself but try to keep your claws off of me.” Smack! Your side made vicious contact with the floor below, blue eyes staring down at you with no pity and slight amusement when you gasped. Oh, he loved to hear things like that. “Get changed. You smell disgusting. Like a human.” He spit at you, turning on his heel to finally leave you to his Fracción who stood by silently. You got a glimpse of the number on his back, the hole in his stomach. You didn't know his name, but now knew his number.

In some really strange way, the Sexta Espada thinks pursuing you is a game of stalking his prey. 

To see the movement of your body from the back, the pure hesitation in your steps because he can sense that you know he’s watching you from the shadows, he can smell the fear coming from the way your fingers would expand and then contract nervously, the way you would glance over your shoulder here and there, the stumbling of your feet just to keep yourself upright when you caught lucid sensations of his overpowering spiritual pressure. But, he kept himself from you. His body felt like it was barely at your fingertips to the point that you could feel the sheer heat radiating from him, but you couldn’t see where he was, where he was coming from. In some twisted way, you enjoyed the feeling now that you had experienced it so frequently. “Tch, how easy this is.” He’d think to himself, leaving his spot against the wall as you graciously gifted him with some more movement. There was a pep in the way that Grimmjow followed you. He was excited, eager. Was it stemming from his wanting to be near you? Or was it from his precedent want to destroy you? The blue haired man was genuinely uneasy about why, but whatever it was, it left him nearly purring on the inside to follow you so closely, but not too close. He kept himself on average, far enough away that your human eyes couldn’t detect him. Taking a deep breath, Grimmjow just peers at you silently, cerulean eyes almost searing a hole into the back of your fragile skull that he imagined would be so easy to split open at a moment's spontaneity if he was just a bit too rough. He never would, but the thought entered his train of amusement here and there when his animalistic nature ran rampant. There was anticipation building in his mind at the idea of just sinking his teeth in your neck, nails grinding against your skin, the smell of iron hitting his nose as he tore through your skin and drew blood, and all it would take was a pouncing step… More likely than not though, rather than diving into the indulgence of those thoughts, he’ll stick to slight patience and stalk you for a bit longer. Where was the fun in enjoying a meal without a bit of fun before?

He finds it almost unbearable to have his mask touched or his hollow hole. Though, they’re for two different reasons. 

Having his hollow mask touched means his defense was completely down. Grimmjow isn’t a fan of that- the feeling of being vulnerable. He spent too much time as a Vasto Lorde when it was literally hunt or be hunted, to allow himself to ever feel like that again. So, why was the feeling hitting him deep in his chest? This disgusting feeling, he’d think to himself, his eyes hooded as he nearly glared down at you as your gentle fingers traced an almost absent minded shape against his mask. Against the ridgid bone, not stopping at any of the imperfections he imagined were there. The bumps, the crevices of where bone might have chipped off in the middle of a fight… You didn't seem to mind, you kept going in some sort of sick adoration. What was your deal? Why were you doing this to him? What in that human mind of yours said ‘This is a good idea’? Lips parting, Grimmjow could almost taste you on his tongue, a spike of something seering into his body to replace that heavy feeling of dread that sat at the very bottom of his heart --- well, if he even had one. He wasn’t even taking in any oxygen into his lungs anymore, Grimmjow didn't dare with you this close to him. So willing to touch him, knowing what he could do to you with just the meager flick of his wrist. Was it amusing to touch him like this? Were you having fun? There was no way for him to distinguish what you were thinking which he found frustrating beyond belief. The blue haired Espada often relied on his ability to read movements, it came with his territory, but right now? There was no reading this. You were diving head first into danger. And as demented a thought it was, Grimmjow didn't stop you because he wanted to see how far you would take it. Call it his pride, his ego, selfishness but amusement finally rose in the back of his throat. Human attraction, he figured this was. Or fascination. Or perhaps… Both. His eyes flutter for just a second as you take your time tracing the teeth of his hollow mask, an almost phantom feeling running down his spine. His brain was screaming at him that you were attacking, he had been conditioned to think that at any instant someone was this close to him. There was an appealing curve at the bottom of his mask that cusped beautifully against his sharp jawline; your fingers barely grazed there, his bare skin. Soft… Begging to be touched, to be held… Grimmjow’s head slumped forward, blue hair shifting softly with his movement. You were going to cup his cheek, that was the decision in the back of your mind. Push the envelope. Just a little… more…. Without a moment's hesitation, Grimmjow was grasping at your wrist, hard enough that you knew a bruise would form there in a few hours, yanking you to be his arms length away from him. It was all a blur. One second you were touching him with his willingness leaking from every crevice of his being, and the next, his eyes had shifted to threatening, pupils dilated in anger and stance defensive as he twisted your wrist in his hand, ultimately causing you to squirm in fear that he would break your bone.  Wincing did you no good but it was hard to stop that instinct as you drew a sharp breath in through your nose, eyes widening as you tried desperately to squeak out an excuse, a reason for having done what you did. Nothing managed to come out, you were literally rendered speechless- whether because of the mild pain splitting from your wrist or the fact that Grimmjow had let you touch him for more than a few seconds, both good reasons, but the latter left you yearning for an answer. Which you got, but rather bluntly. “Don’t fuckin’ touch me like that.” He snarled at you, sharp teeth baring themselves right in front of your eyes. “‘M not some fuckin’ stray cat that’ll come running to you because they’re hungry.”  There was hesitation behind his words, but from his face, you didn't dare say or question anything and felt your body slump back down once he let go of you. He was always so quick to turn on his heel and storm away.

His hollow hole is a completely different ball park. It’s a sensitive area as is, and Grimmjow despises having it touched. It’s an intimate part of his body, and there was really no proper way to describe how it felt for him to have it touched. How empty it felt, unsatisfying at times to know that he’d never be completely full. He explained it once, and was eager to end the conversation. “It feels like a scab.” End of story, you never brought it up again after seeing the deposition it put him in.

Curiosity probably got the best of you once before though, Grimmjow quite literally growling at you the moment he realized where your hand was going. Or at least, that’s what it sounded like to you as he snatched both of your hands with only one of his, tugging you unbelievably close to him so you had no way to escape. Gasping, the Sexta found it hard to contain that spring of joy that hit him at your mere reaction. How… human of you. His hot breath scattered across your face as he spoke to you, no joking in the tone he used, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “I-I just wanted---” “I know what you wanted,” He couldn’t help but smirk at the suggestion of that sentence but the smirk quickly vanished and there was a pure look of what seemed like malice spliced across his already intimidating features, “What makes you think I’d want you to?”

[modern-vellichor]

On My Nerves

summary: Frank is really getting on your nerves. warnings: gun violence, threats, canon typical violence, explicit, language. a/n: send requests? please? ok thank u <3

You sped down the highway towards the trailer that Frank had gotten you. The radio was as loud as it could be. There were three coffees balanced dangerously on the passenger seat. You missed this life. Simple. Too bad you were friends with Frank.

"You feel that? You know how close I am to killing you?"

Amy sobbed while Frank screamed at her. She felt the barrel of the gun pressing against her ear, Frank pinning her to the floor.

You heard the gun shot as you put the car into park. You had never run faster in your life. You were unarmed, running blindly into the trailer. You pushed past Curtis, jaw dropping as you froze.

"That's your head all over that wall just like that!" Frank screamed.

You jumped into action. It's days like this where you wish you had taken Madani's offer. A nice coastal house in Hawai'i. Sounds good. But no. You had to fight to stay with Frank and you ended up a Castiglione.

You wrestled the gun off of Frank, nearly knocking one of his teeth out in the process. Amy was still sobbing. You forced Frank up against the wall, pressing his own gun into his jaw.

It was days like this where Frank couldn't deny how much he loved you. He often regrets not making you a Castle, too. He had fought to get you a new identity, and Madani just had to spite him. She laughed at him as he flicked through the false documents she had provided, two new birth certificates, two new passports, two new rings and a marriage certificate. You laughed too, but it was out of shock.

"What the fuck were you thinking?"

Frank snapped out of his daze as he felt the butt of his gun being smashed against the side of his skull. This time you pressed it right between his eyes. Frank tried to fight back, but you had the upper hand. You usually did.

"She's a kid, Frank. And you're threatening to kill her?"

"She did it to herself," he grunted.

"Christ, Frank, you're so fucking full of it. If you ever do that to her again, I swear to god I'll spray your brains all over the wall, huh?"

Frank gave you no response. he just stared at you, he was so utterly in love with you. That only made you angrier.

"Everyday I wish I had picked Hawai'i over being a Castiglione, you know that, asshole?" You spat.

"Me too."

You pushed off of him. You turned the safety on and tucked the gun into the waist of your jeans. Your expression softened as you kneeled next Amy. You helped her up and wrapped your arms around her as she cried. You cooed softly until her sobs had died down. You ignored Frank as he dismissed himself. Curtis didn't stick around for long, either, running after Frank.

You wanted to cry. Frank made you want to cry more often then not. Frank didn't cry. When you made a harsh dig at him, he liked to brood. He'd tower over you, silently threatening you. Before the tears could roll down your cheeks, Amy was collapsing into your arms and sobbing. So you held yourself together. You stuck your chin up and forced the tears back.

You stared at your laptop. You weren't looking for anything. You were mindlessly scrolling. Trying to keep occupied. Amy was pottering around the trailer. You paid her no mind.

"I didn't know you and Frank were married."

"We're not," you scoffed. "Thank God."

Amy nodded wordlessly. She didn't understand what went on between you and Frank. If she was an outsider looking in, she would swear you two were in love. All the times you smiled softly at each other, or when he kissed you goodnight, or every bone crushing hug after a close call. But she wasn't an outsider. She wasn't a passerby. She had to witness every time you and Frank fought tooth and nail in this weird power play. She watched every screaming match, every slap in the face, every beer bottle smashed. She heard every violent threat, every dig, every malicious joke that you two threw at each other. And that's how she knew you were in love. Because after everything, after all the bloodshed and murder attempts, you were still together. You were still a Castiglione. You still wore the rings.

When Curtis returned, alone, Amy watched as worry etched its way onto your face. You didn't join Amy as she ate. You just sat in the corner, staring at the screen. Amy watched as you grew restless when Madani joined the pity party.

"What's the deal with those two?" Amy whispered, gesturing towards you.

Madani and Curtis shrugged.

"I think they're in love."

"They get on each other's nerves," Madani explained. "People like that, they'll only ever but heads. They don't like to give up their power. They'll always be fighting for the upper hand. I'm just surprised they haven't killed each other yet."

Madani and Curtis laughed. They humoured Amy for a while, but they didn't believe it. You and Frank were at each other's throats almost constantly. Their laughter died down when you stood up very suddenly. You loaded your gun silently and threw on your jacket.

"Where are you going?" Amy whimpered.

"Stay put."

Those were the only words you could muster as you walked out the door. You searched high and low for Frank. You walked the city all night, and you couldn't find him. You began to give up as the sun rose. You cried silently as you trudged back to the trailer. You called out for Amy. She opened the door for you. Suspicion grew heavy in your gut when the three of them stared at you from the couch. Someone coughed behind you and you reached for your gun. You turned around, and flew off the handle.

Frank stood and you flung yourself at him. You screamed at him and berated him for leaving. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you and Frank argued. It didn't take long for his patience to run out and he began to fight back. Amy watched in mild horror. Your open hands slapped against the kevlar vest as you cried.

"You just fucking left me in this shithole to worry about you, Frank!"

He pinned your arms to your sides and pulled you into his chest. You gave up the fight and went limp in his hold. Madani and Curtis awkwardly stared out the window. Amy was enthralled. Frank kissed your head and you caught your breath. You snaked your arms up and around his neck. You just held each other.

In another life, you and Pete Castiglione were happily married. You lived a black and white life in the suburbs. But here and now, you and Frank Castle were seeped in blood. You were in too far. You can't turn back now. And so you'll shoot your way to paradise, as long as Frank is by your side. Frank led you out of the trailer, shutting the door behind himself. He just wanted some privacy.

He cupped your face in his hands. Your eyes met his. He looked sorry. It was almost pathetic. You felt the false wedding band against your cheek. You dug your heels into the dirt to ground yourself. The tension was almost tangible. It was suffocating. He brought your lips to his. It was sickly sweet. This whole thing was wrong. He was being soft. You missed the Frank that was nothing but jagged edges. You nipped at his lip and he swore. Jagged edges were still lurking. You smiled.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want to leave you, either."

"Do me a favour, Castle," you grinned. "Don't tell the kid we kissed."

Frank nodded. He chuckled as he pressed a final, chaste kiss against your lips. Your expressions returned to their naturally solemn frowns as you reentered the trailer. Amy looked worried. You winked at her, offering her an apologetic smile.

"I think you were right," she whispered to Curt. "Maybe they're not in love."

Curt laughed. He shook his head and laughed. He nudged Amy and pointed towards the two of you. You shared a soft look, a sweet look.

"Nah, kid," he muttered. "Those two are fucked."

[white-poppie]

𝐖𝐞 could’ve had it 🅰🅻🅻

Part 1:  S♡ul-mate

Characters: Dabi x Gn! reader  

Genre: ANGST, Soulmate-au

Warnings: blood, death, family issue, gore, violence, vomiting

Writer: @ white-poppie  

A/N: Reader is a civilian, more specifically a medical student with a Claw-quirk. They have retractable claws like lion.

My Hero Academia (��のヒーローアカデミア)  

They say even hell forgives those who turned due to  pain, but heaven doesn’t let them become the patron saint of someone’s demise. 

So they just linger, hauntingly, between the crevices and cracks of the earth. In places where the freaks rule, in places where people who never truly received love roam.

Dabi shared an uncanny appearance with his mother, he carried her tenderness and her insanity too. They both had the same eyes; exhausted, tired. But his rage, his mother never wore rage--it is something that he got from the wretched old man of his.

The anger that turned him into a monster, a walking morgue.

“Y/n,” he repeated the name like it was a chant. Skin burning where they had touched in the dream; his hands. Those scabbard and blood clad hands. Dream was a different thing, to see an abomination like him in real life? They would run away.

‘I don’t mind Dabi at all, he is just a product of this gangrenous society who failed to protect Touya.’

“Fuck,” he breathed out shakily, hands shivering from the burden of being so vulnerable with someone. 

He walked up to the lavatory, splashing water on his face, he stared at his dull reflection, tired and sleepless, for he was too scared to sleep and face you again, he would rather be awake. But now his body was begging him to rest, limbs straining under the weight of his misery.

He let out a growl and smashed his fist into the mirror. The shimmering shards fell down like cosmic dust in the dark, abandoned motel: his home.

Crimson blood stained his knuckles. He shook his hand and dried it with his towel and climbed in his bed. What is a little blood anyway? The last thing he heard was the sound of his heart palpating against his ribs as he fell into a deep slumber.

“Touya,” he heard his name being whispered like the most tender thing in the world. He could almost feel how their lips parted as they spoke the syllables.

His eyes slowly adjusted to the scene, the marbled background over his head. He was laying down. A presence was beside him, they sat next to him, a watery-smile etched on their face. A little melancholic, a little forced, a little painful.

He sat upright and looked at them, savoring the contour of their face. He wanted to remember all of it like it was something he would see everyday.

“Y/N,” he said, but a faint rasp, his hand automatically cupped their face, thumb rubbing circles on the apple of their cheek.

“You are killing me,” you choked out, “does it bring you joy to see me tormented?”

“No. No, never,” he gulped and shook his head, chest heaving up and down, ”I’m just scared y’know, not used to being so close to someone. To let my walls down.”

“You don’t have to act strong around me,” you pressed your forehead against his, “let your guard down for once, I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you--ever again.”

“Pretty big words coming from a doctor with a villain as a soulmate,” he laughed, his breath hitting your face like the warmth of cocoa on a winter day.

“Villains aren’t born Touya, they are made, and I won’t forgive anyone who did this to you,” you pulled away, but your touch lingered. Your eyes fell on his bloody hand and a gasp left your throat.

You cradled his much larger palm in yours, examining the bruise, “did you hit someone before falling asleep?”

“Something,” he corrected, “punched the mirror.”

You huffed and flicked his forehead, “Idiot, I told you that I would take care of you when others hurt you. Now I have to take care of you when you hurt yourself too.”

His cerulean eyes suddenly fell dead serious. Like gentle lapping of tides against the land, “Y/N..may I...kiss you?” The words felt bitter on his tongue. He was sure you would decline, it had been barely two days you had known him.

“Touya,” you laughed, “why’d you even ask?” His eyes widened in surprised.

“Even though we have known each other for the least time; our souls are entangled, we can never be unloved by each other,” you whispered.

It was euphoric how your lips interlocked perfectly, drawled and soft lingers like a whispered-curse echoing in your mind, making you crave for more. It was like all the circuits in your brain had fused and you were becoming putty under Dabi's gentle caresses.

When he pulled away you didn't feel breathless, it felt so natural that the kiss was supposedly like a gentle gust of air.

You felt the realm fading away, an indicator that your time was up

“I want to meet you in real life,” you answered, “when, Touya?”

“Tomorrow,” he said, “4 PM, near the twilight motel.” Were the last words you heard as you were forced into awareness.

You checked your outfit in the mirror for what seemed like the nth time, heart pulsing in your chest; you were beyond nervous or happy--you were petrified yet elated. Locking the door of your house behind you, you checked the time on your phone-- 3:35 PM, you had enough time to reach.

The abandoned building of twilight motel was a walking distance from your house, you just had to cross through the city centre. 

It was eerie how awfully quiet the area was. You could hear your breath echo from within the surrounding buildings. Where was everyone?

Before you could even let out a scream, you felt yourself being pushed into the glass of one of the buildings, a strangled gasp left your throat and eyes blurred while you tried to focus on what was in front of you.

A hero, oh no. You were caught up in a conflict with no escape. “Run!” the hero shouted just as he suffered another hit from the villain who payed no mind to you. 

Your legs were awfully numb as you tried crawling way from the fight. A little more, towards the main road, then you would be safe. You stood up and picked your pace, ears ringing in fear and desperation. You couldn’t hear the car honk that came towards you, flashing lights that danced in your vision as your eyes widened...

and

then

it 

felt

awfully

warm

Touya was beyond scared when you didn’t come even when it was around 5 PM. His mind revolted yet his legs were carrying him out at this point. This area was clad with lowly scums who would pounce on any docile prey such as yourself.

He checked around the alleys, to find nothing but rats. He went back to his room to get a jacket and covered himself up till his neck, he ran towards the city centre. Eyes meeting with a crowd of unruly passers, all gathered up whispering around something. His heart dropped to his stomach, sweat formed in his hands and yet he walked towards the people, shuffling a bit inside, apologizing for bumping into people.

As he reached the centre of the hoard, bile rose to his stomach and he felt like vomiting. He kept a hand on his mouth to avoid barfing, tremors ran throughout his body and his knees were close to buckling. 

To think the first time Dabi would have seen in you in real life would be the last time too.

People like him don’t deserve a soft epilogue. People like him drag everyone around them, down. Burn to dust. It was his fault, all his fault. He was going to make the heroes pay.

He walked away from the people and saw you being carried into a ambulance. Entering one of the alleys he puked into one of the dumpsters, eyes burning with rage and tears that streamed down. He slid down a wall, sobs echoing from between the walks, hands shivering and throat hoarse from screaming.

Guess some people are just born with tragedy in their blood.

My Hero Academia (僕のヒーローアカデミア)  

Tags:  @rintaroubby​ @nanaseishiro​ @idowritingandstuff, @bakaface​ @denkis111​, @jazzylove​, @maybeleftoverjourneys​, @lordmypantsaresocool​, @futuristicallykawaiiturtle​, @kristaline2dmensimp​, @oikawatoorupdf​, @thegrayladyislookingforyou​ @katsukichu​

People who requested a part 2: @lunatsunachan, @darlingely​

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╰┈➤ Book order details (Request Rules) ╰┈➤ Special customers(Taglist)    

[reniboo]

could you do hcs with bakugo having a bimbo/himbo s/o? <3

HIMBOS AND BIMBOS ALIKE, katsuki bakugo

NOTE; i actually love this idea, and i hope i’ve done your request justice! thank you so much for sending this ask in <3

SYNOPSIS; Katsuki Bakugo might come across as loud mouthed, rude, or even down right mean, but even he can’t help to admit that his himbo/bimbo significant other is simply perfect.

WARNINGS; none!

WC; 1k

whether you're a himbo or a bimbo, Katsuki probably thinks you're the most annoying person he's ever met for a while, sorry.

like everyone else, i think it makes the most sense for you two to have met in UA, where you've obviously made quick friends with Kirishima and Kaminari, because what's two himbos without their third and final himbo/bimbo.

and from this, Bakugo is soon roped into your little group of adorable idiots as the fourth, who's forced to deal with all the shit your trio causes.

mainly because of the one braincell that is shared between you, Kaminari and Kirishima.

it doesn't come as a surprise that he gets angry with you frequently. the boy always has something to be shouting about, especially since he's stuck with the 'trio of idiots' all day everyday.

but when Bakugo starts to settle down, and he's feeling more comfortable in the group he's been made to hang out with, the annoyance towards you turns into adoration, and quickly.

it simply just happened one day.

the angry pomeranian went from straight yelling in your face, probably because you dropped something and it smashed while messing about with Denki in the communal kitchen area, to watching the way your lips pulled into a cute pout, head bent just slightly to the left as you watched him.

his shouts go from echoing across the walls to nothing above a whisper.

but he doesn't allow the change in his tone to be noticeable to others. saying something like, "you know what, i don't care." and walks away with his hands in the air.

from then on, the change in Bakugo's attitude towards you is very noticeable, especially to your other two himbo friends.

Kirishima won't say anything about it, he likes to keep his jokes in his head, where he's ninety-five percent sure Katsuki won't hear him. however, Denki simply will not shut up about it.

he's always complaining about how they get reprimanded for doing something, but you don't.

they use it against Bakugo by doing something, but blaming it on you so that no one gets shouted at.

yeah, he definitely has favorites.

when the two of you eventually get together, and i say eventually because it probably takes you a little bit longer than normal to fully get the hints he sends your way.

oh my god. he's obsessed.

its like an entirely new side of him that you've never seen before. he laughs at the silly jokes you make, he helps you study when you need help with a subject you aren't well-versed in, and he will go ballistic if any of your classmates have the balls to call you dumb or stupid, because those are his names for you and he doesn't want anyone else making fun of you.

and he absolutely loves the himbo/bimbo body that you have.

i really do think that Katsuki's significant other should be a himbo/bimbo, because it would be like a cold splash of water on a hot day for him, the mellow to his hot-headedness, and to be honest, he really needs someone to just wind down with.

someone who isn't expecting him to be this amazingly smart, incredibly strong number one hero, because the only thing you want out of him is to chill out and be happy with you.

onto some more relationship headcanons!

he's definitely the big spoon most nights, but if he's had a bad day, or he's really really tired from training, then he wants nothing more than to be wrapped up in your arms while you talk on and on about the random shit you and Kirishima did, or the stupid prank you and Denki pulled on Momo.

it's the only time he ever truly relaxes.

Bakugo also does like to take part when you Kirishima and Kaminari hang out, because despite what he'd say to anyone else, he really does love his friends and he wants to spend time with them outside of hero training or school hours.

although, for the most part, he does kind of just sit on the sidelines of whatever you three are doing and make loud comments about one of you.

going back to what i said before, Bakugo is so overprotective of you, but in an endearing way.

like, yeah, he can make a joke about you being dumb, stupid or an idiot, because he's joking and you know that. he would never say something like that to you. but when someone else does it?

jeez, they must have a death wish.

sure, you might not be the smartest cookie in the jar, but that doesn't make you an idiot because you know so much about other things.

intelligence isn't just based off one grade on a piece of paper.

and this boy will honest to god defend you in every way when someone does call you stupid.

he has enough proof in the talks you have at night, where the two of you are laying in bed, side by side with a blanket pulled over your legs and one pillow to share between the both of you.

he's twiddling with your fingers, running his palm over the deep lines in your knuckles and the soft skin of your wrists while you babble on about something you read about online, or a documentary you ended up watching.

he's happy to listen to it all, whether it's a new cooking recipe you'll say the two of you should try, but in reality never happens, or the quite gruesome details you heard about in a murder case video you were watching.

it really doesn't matter what you say to him, because he's happy to let you sit and talk yourself to sleep in his arms.

and if you're ever feeling insecure, whether it be about your brains or your body. he's there, and he's going to list off every little thing he likes about you, which might take a few hours.

because he loves his little himbo/bimbo.

[atlasscrumpit]

Just an A.I - part 2

Part 1 here

You learnt that the man in Hydra with you was named Mr. Ray. You began training everyday with him and others in Hydra. Good memories of Tony were gone, all that existed was the bad memories. The hatred, the fights, the neglect, the pain it all boiled into your want to hurt him as much as you could. And destroy your replacement.

"Are you sure you're ready to see Tony again?" Ray asked as he brushed a piece of hair away from your face.

"Of course sir, I want nothing more than to destroy him." You replied making him smile with pride.

"Very good." He said before you grabbed your weapons and suited up.

This was going to be a solo mission, Ray would be seeing everything through a live camera but other than that you were alone.

You got onto your motorbike and headed into the city, it was an hours drive. But it gave you plenty of time to think, think about how much you would destroy Tony. He had destroyed you, he had replaced you, he had lied to you, he was your enemy.

You finally made it to the Avengers tower and smiled. Ray said you didn't need to go in quiet, Tony needed to know you were there. You smashed through the glass and got into the elevator smiling as you did so.

"Avengers! Code red! Someone has broken in!" Friday said as your replacement A.I looked up.

"Sir, I'm ready for any threat." She said as he summoned his suit.

"Good, Kara." He muttered as the rest of the team pointed their weapons at the elevator.

The doors opened to reveal you smiling leaning against the back wall.

"Well, isn't this lovely. You've all come to see me." You said knowing they wouldn't recognise you.

"Who are you and what do you want?" Steve said as you rolled your eyes and licked your lips.

"Hello captain, good to see your lovely face again. If I remember, you were the one who wanted to get rid of me." You said stepping out of the elevator.

"Answer the question." The new A.I, Kara said as you laughed.

"And there she is, my lovely replacement." You replied, they all looked at you in confusion.

"Perhaps I should jog your memories." You said as you stood up straight and put on a fake smile.

"Of course Mr. Stark, I'll do that right away sir, yes I follow your orders, I'm just a dumb replaceable robot." You said in a face voice as Tony's eyes widened.

"Y/N." He whispered while you laughed and looked at him.

"Bingo." You hissed pulling out your gun and quickly shooting Tony in the chest hitting his reactor as you laughed maniacally.

"Bulls-eye!" You shouted before Steve tackled you to the ground, you quickly threw him off you and punched him in the face.

"I'll make all of you pay for what you did to me!" You screamed grabbing your sword, you went for your replacement first.

You were both locked in a heated battle while you fought off the team at the same time.

"You think they actually care about you!? Once you've done everything you can they'll throw you away and replace you. They probably never even mentioned me did they!" You screamed grabbing her head and bringing it down on your knee roughly.

"You stole my heart!" You screamed stomping on her chest before Nat grabbed you and held you back.

"Y/N, please listen to reason." You heard a voice say looking up to see Vision flying in.

"Reason!? You shut me down and ripped my heart out to make this slut!" You shouted breaking free and running towards Vision, he suddenly stopped you and placed his hand on your forehead.

"Remember what you have forgotten." He said as images of the team flashed through your mind. Suddenly you saw an image of everyone gathered around a grave. It had your name on it.

"I know she didn't have a soul like all of us, but she was still a big part of out lives. She deserves a funeral. So we can all say goodbye." Tony said as they all gathered around and placed flowers on your grave. You gasped and stepped back with tears in your eyes.

"Don't believe what they are saying!" Ray shouted in your head as you fell to your knees.

"Let us help you." Vision said placing his hand on your shoulder as you shoved him off you.

"Get away from me." You growled catching your breath back.

"Y/N, we can help you." Steve said as you began to cry.

"N-No you can't. Hydra won't let me leave." You whispered grabbing your gun again.

"I have to kill Tony." You said pointing your gun at Tony on the ground fighting for life.

"No you don't Y/N." You heard Bucky say as you looked over at him.

"I've been there, trust me. You don't want to become like Hydra, you don't have to listen to them. Fight them." He continued as you cried and cocked your gun.

"He destroyed you to build something better, kill him Y/N." Ray growled as you screamed and threw your gun away dropping to your knees.

"I don't want to." You whispered as you felt a blinding pain in your head. You screamed in pain as Vision quickly grabbed your head and pushed Hydra out of your mind.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." You whispered over and over.

"Captain, go get Stephen and Bruce to help Tony. I'll stay here with Y/N and get her into a cell if I need." Vision said as everyone nodded and helped Steve with Tony who had passed out now. Bucky rushed over to you, if anyone knew what you were going through it was him.

"Hey, Y/N. It's ok, they're gone. Hydra isn't here." He whispered kneeling down to you placing his hand on your shoulder.

"I failed everyone." You whispered through your tears.

"No, you didn't doll. We all should have treated you better than we did, you've been gone for over a year now. I can't imagine what Hydra did to you in that time." He said as you grabbed onto his shirt tightly and buried your head on his chest.

"You all saw me as just a robot, but in Hydra I felt like I had a place. I felt like I had power." You whispered as he ran a hand through your hair.

"I know Y/N, we all just saw you as an object. But we shouldn't have, you're a person just like all of us. And Tony will be so happy to see you again, he loves you. It took him so long to just leave his room after you died." Bucky replied, you pulled away and looked at him and Vision.

"Hydra reprogrammed me, I'll always belong to them. I'll always be their puppet." You cried gripping onto Bucky's hand.

"No you won't, Tony can reprogram you. We will all help you." He said as you stood up on your shaky legs.

"Tony will never forgive me." You whispered wiping away your tears.

"He's going to die, and it's all because of me." You cried as Bucky still held onto your hand.

"Stephen and Bruce will help them Y/N. I know Tony will survive." Vision said as you nodded.

"Y-You need to put me in a cell, Hydra will take control again I know they will." You muttered, Bucky sighed but he knew it was the right thing to do.

"I think it's the best thing to do right now." Vision agreed as you nodded and followed them into the elevator.

"Will you let me know about Tony whenever you know how he is?" You asked quietly not looking up at either of them.

"Of course we will Y/N, we'll come visit you as much as we can." Bucky replied making you nod. The elevator doors opened and they led you to the cells as you sighed.

How did everything go so wrong?

—

You had fallen asleep on the bed in the cell. You suddenly awoke to a voice in your head.

"You little bitch. You really think you can escape Hydra? I built you, I programmed you to kill." Ray growled in your head as you chuckled.

"The one thing you did wrong, was give me emotions. Now I can see how fucked up you are, and that the Avengers are the good guys." You growled back.

"Vision showed me the truth." You said making him laugh.

"Such a dumb little thing aren't you? You really think they'll help you after what you did? They'll destroy you and strip you for parts." He hissed as you held your head in frustration.

"Get out of my head, I don't belong to you." You growled hitting your head a little.

"You know you can never make me leave, you belong to me Y/N!" He shouted as you groaned in annoyance.

"Y/N?" You heard a voice say as you looked up to see Bucky.

"B-Bucky, hey. How's Tony?" You asked shaking your head a little.

"He's stable now, Strange says he just need plenty of fluids and rest and he'll be fine." Bucky said as you smiled.

"I'm glad he's ok." You muttered in response, you still felt guilty for what you'd done.

"Is he talking to you?" Bucky asked, you nodded a little and looked away from him.

"Tony won't be able to work on you for a few months, he has too much recovering to do. Steve suggested we keep you in stasis until Tony is back, it's completely your choice Y/N. But we all think it's the safest thing to do." Bucky said as you sighed.

"They're just going to kill you the moment they switch you off, is that what you really want?" Ray asked in your head as you looked up at Bucky.

"Can you promise I'll wake up?" You whispered, Bucky smiled gently and nodded.

"Of course Y/N." He said as you nodded.

"I'll agree to it." You replied. Suddenly your body froze as your eyes widened. Ray was controlling your body, you knew it.

"B-Bucky, he's controlling me." You whispered grabbing your head as you screamed.

"Shit, Friday! Get Vision and Wanda down here!" Bucky shouted backing away as you cried in pain.

Suddenly you stopped and sat up straight smiling.

"The Winter Soldier, look at you now. Hydra's biggest failure." You growled standing up as he glared at you.

"I'm no longer your puppet, neither is Y/N." He said back standing confidently as you chuckled.

"You don't get that choice dear." You whispered staring at him. Vision and Wanda ran into the room as you smiled wickedly.

"Bucky, what's going on?" Wanda asked as they looked at you.

"Hydra is controlling Y/N." Bucky growled lowly not letting his eyes away from yours.

"Perhaps I can push them out again. But I would need to get inside the cell, Wanda be ready to pull me out if anything goes wrong." Vision said as he stood outside the glass and pushed through, fazing through the glass. You smiled and looked him up and down.

"I'm even more advanced then you, do yo really think you can beat me?" You said smirking at him as he tilted his head.

"I think what you lack is knowledge, you use brute force as a weapon. I use knowledge." He said as you leapt for him and he quickly spun you around wrapping his arm around your neck.

"Push them out Y/N." He whispered in your ear as you screamed.

"Get off me!" You shouted grabbing him and throwing him against the glass.

"Hydra is my home!" You shouted as Vision looked up at you.

"Hydra isn't your home Y/N, we are. And we need you to come back to us." Vision replied as you paused.

"Come back." He said again as you fell to your knees and screamed.

"Now Vision!" Wanda said as he ran at you and knocked you out powering your systems off. You fell to the floor unconscious as Vision sighed.

"It's done." He whispered picking up your limb body. Bucky let him out as he looked down at you sadly.

"We'll see you soon Y/N."

—

"Come on doll." You heard a voice say as you groaned and slowly opened your eyes to see Bucky and Tony above you.

Your eyes widened as you sat up and quickly wrapped your arms around Tony.

"Mr. Stark! You're ok." You said hugging him tightly as he chuckled and wrapped his arms around you in return.

"Yeah I am, and now you are. Hydra is officially gone." He said as you pulled away and looked down at your hands.

"I-I'm my own person." You whispered looking up at Bucky as he smiled.

"You're free Y/N."

After Tony had filled you in on everything that had happened while you were asleep you made your way down to the team and saw all of them again.

Many apologising to you for the way they'd treated you in the past. You felt equal for once. Tony had offered you a room and a place in the team but you knew that wasn't what you wanted.

"As much as I want to stay here and be with all of you, I think I'm going to go travel. On my own, find my place in this world, find myself." You said making Tony smile.

"Hey, I'm more then happy to get you a passport and plenty of money." He said a you chuckled.

"Thank you Tony."

—

It had been a week since you woke up, you had a small roller bag and backpack packed. It was time to say goodbye to the team, for now.

"So where to first Y/N?" Steve asked as you smiled.

"I'm thinking Malta, then maybe Paris from there. Then wherever it takes me after that. And Tony, if there's ever an alien invasion or some villain on the loose just call me and I'm here to help." You said hugging Tony tightly.

"Go out and enjoy yourself Y/N, make a life for yourself. And for god sake please send pictures." He said as you smiled and nodded.

"Expect a thousand post cards." You replied making him chuckle.

You said goodbye to the rest of the team before getting into a taxi.

"Bye Y/N!" Tony shouted as you chuckled, you told the taxi driver where you were going and sat back in the seat taking a deep breath in.

"I'm free."